#htis was such a good song though

[ginger-berrie]

SO I JUST SAW FALSETTOS LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME

HOLY SHIT OKAY. HEY GUYS I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEEING FALSETTOS. LIVE. MY FAVOROITE MUSICAL EVER. I HAVE WORDS TO SAY.

So firstly I of course have to say this musical is fucking phenomenal and if u havent seen it even on youtube you HAVE to. onne of the best musicals ever wrutten. ignore any typos in this my hands r still shaking and im not editing htis. OKAY.

The actors. It was a college level production but the actors were so so talented. My favorite performances were from Mendel and Jason, who both pulled off their roles INCREDIBLY. Mendel was like a carbon copy of Brandon Uranowitz he had his mannerisms DOWN. All the nervous ticks, touching his face, being generally so awkward all the time, even his face was just perfec t for the role. And Jason was played by an adult femme-presenting person but they were so good as him!!!!! their voice fit him perfectly and she also perfectly encompassed Jason;s awkward childlike nature. The entire cast was incredible but those two really stood out to me!!!! Everyone's singing voices as well were fantastic, especially Trina's—she KILLED the high notes and even sung up the octave on a few lines !!!! including the "but still the bastard divorced me" and she still belted the "you must exorcise a devil" even AFTER Im Breaking Down. In fucking sane.

THAT BEING SAID THOUGH. Even though i enjouyed every second of it I do wanna make some more analysis-related directing critiques because im fucked up and evil about this show . im so sorry just let me speak here meaout. Stating right now though I've only seen the 2016 revival (about 2 dozen times) and not the original 90's version (been meaning to watch it just havent gotten the chance) so i reserve all TRUE judgement until after I see it!!! maybe some of these choices were in the original but tbh if they were i still like how the revival did it better. okay i swear im not just one of those ppl who is like "tHaTS noT hOw ThEY dId iT On BroADwAy" calm down. thanks <3

First of all. Some of the scenes lacked energy !!!!! Thrill of first love had no homoerotic choreography!!!!! they just kinda sat there on the couch looking morose and barely looking at each other as if they truly just hate each other and feel ANYthing towards each other anymore at all. But thats not the point!!!!!! They dont fully hate each other theyre just lacking the excitement that they once had and it's been replaced with nothing but disagreements and sex. When Whizzer and Marvin do their gay little dance theyre not just dancing and being gross and sexual theyre also FIGHTING!!!! they still care about each other they just dont know how to act!!!! and marvin's a bitch of course. Marvin was still very much a bitch. But because of the lack of energy in this song there was a bit of a lack of chemistry between the two as well, which carried through the whole show. I feel like it's important to see just how gross fucked up n nasty these two are about each other to see how its truly affecting the other people in Marvin's life. Even their chemistry during the chess game was lacking. They just kinda felt like they really hated each other. Which isnt the pointtttttt. Guh

Trina (or the directors idk) also made some choices I wasn't 100% on board with but they were more subtle. Mostly in her tone about Mendel. Up through Please Come To Our House she seemed to really really like Mendel. Like it was clear she was attempting to woo him. But then when he was proposing, and when they were maknig their home together, she just seemed. Unenthused. I know Trina truly doesn't really love her life, and just needs the stability of a nuclear family, but it was odd to see her not even attempt to keep up the facade on her own. Her and Mendel were similarly lacking in a lot of chemistry because of this, which, maybe to some of you makes sense but to me i do want to see them be close even if Mendel isn't absolutely the best.

LAST CRITIQUE OKAY. This one is BIG SPOILERS if u havent seen it yet but probably if ur reading this far youve already seen it okay. The fuckign bar mitzvah!!!!! There was no acknowledgement from Whizzer to Jason as he was reading his Torah !!!!!!! He just layed there in the hospital bed, facing AWAY from the audience so we could only see the very top of his head (which was on purpose for a quick change but) and he didnt get up at all to thank Jason or even acknowledge him :( for all the audience knows maybe he didnt even see Jason get bar mitzvahd. screaming crying throwing up.

OKAY IM DONE W BEING MEAN HERES A BIG CHANGE I REALLY LOVED !!!!!! as well as some smaller changes that i also really liked or were jsut neutral things i noticed

For most of act 2, up until Days Like This, They had this really cool circus imagery? Now once again idk if this is in the OG, but they had a picture of each cluster of characters set up on either side of the stage, and each of them was doing some sort of circus act both in the pictures and on stage, especially during A Day in Falsettoland. When a character was having their point in the song, they'd sometimes cut the lights briefly and suddenly the characters would be struggling to perform their little circus act, and each of them had a differnt one respectively and they all represented their immaturities/flaws/struggles:

Jason was on stilts, representing his need to grow up and perhaps his perceived mental maturity compared to the other characters

Trina was balancing/spinning plates on sticks, representing her need to keep balance and order in her life

Marvin + Whizzer were fencers because of their lingering animosity, yet newfound respect, for one another. Fencing isnt a dangerous sport, like you dont actually hurt your opponent in it, but it;s still a fight and youre still pointoing a weapon at them. guh. (AND BTW they did this during the racquetball scene and HOLY SHIT. I just gotta describe this one. Racquetball number 1 They had their little racquets as they were singing to each other but then when they got really into the game the lights would cut and then theyd be FENCING each other instead!!!!! and then the lights would cut again and itd go back to racquetball!!!! BUT THEN in the racquetball number 2 when it cut to them fencing ONLY MARVIN HAD A SWORD. WHIZZER STILL HAD HIS RACQUET. GIUUHUHGGHGHGHGHGH.;..,.,/;;'.';.;'[[[.)

Then the lesbians from next door were like a duo balancing/acrobatics act where they were always leaning on each other and picking each other up which was cute but also like. Charlotte would start falling in one direction and Cordelia would have to scrambke to catch her. I always hail them as the healthiest couple in the show but sometimes i forget they have problems too, like Cordelia;s insecurity and Charlotte's stress over the virus of course.

And finally Mendel!!!! was the fucking ringmaster!!!!! He had a hoop and a top hat and every time he was trying to calm down Jason (Everyone Hates His Parents), or Caroline, or Trina (A Day in Falsettoland), he would appear with his hoop and top hat, to show that HE is the one who needs to "control" other people's lives, or at least he feels the need to direct them. Mendel of course needs to feel like he's smarter than everyone else and like he's the only one who can help people. It really drove that home and it was an insane realization to come to. Phenomenal directing choice idk who came up with that but. bravissimo to you

Now miscellaneous stuff i liked or noticed!!!

They didn't have the big ol foam block. just some couch ends that they moved around to be diff pieces of furniture. If you've ever seen Waiting In The Wings' analysis on falsettos you might have seen a comment in the youtube section discussing how in the set design for the revival, the lack of real furniture through most of the show represents the lack of maturity of the characters, and as things get serious for them, more real props and set pieces get added. Like the chess board, the decor for Mendel + Trina's home, Whizzer's suitcase, the whole hospital room, etc. They didn't lean into that with this but i think that's fine! its not a necessary detail in my opinion and they did their best with what they had!!

Marvin didn't hand whizzer the suitcase after the chess game. He just grabbed it, and packed it himself. I was waiting for him to slam it into whizzer's chest or something. but no. Whizzer just picked it up and walked off. okay. Neutral bad change imo

Marvin's performances of What would I do and What more can i Say were. Breathtaking. Marvin actor if you're out there reading this your voice is lovely and carries so much emotion in your solo numbers. I Did Cry. a little bit

god their group number harmonies were AMAZING. All of the cast members' voices blended together so well and it was absolutely beautiful. the whole show was beautiful and i adored it i swear. I jsut need somwhere to put my feelings

THE ORCHESTRA FUCKED. IT FUCKED

Okay its getting late now and im fading quickly BUT IF U READ THIS FAR UR INSANE. This is for me and nobody else i just eneded to feelings dump. tl;dr: i fucking lvoe falsettos this was one of the best nights of my life i love you actors i love you pit i love you lighting i love you run crew i love you sound crew i love you musical theatre

[the-firebird69]

The Cars ~ Moving In Stereo we listen hear them wow wow this is bad. and it is. they fall. and tons died. nd they say htis we re cockly and have tudes. why. and sy it we harrass him. so.  and ouir son says ok yoiu harrassme so you get a free ride by van to the gifted small string orchestr this saturday monring t the activits center i mea really shit you are now gross. retrds at fishermans villa and yes hte see who you are.  gross shits. and are in truoble.  sink now.  and publcly and at eachother.  

and it is about cars.  well. john cena the cenerator. this band and songs were to tell ofi  it and yes the cena car kicked off the parting out of cars.  and tons. and soon car parts.  and threateened all and did so to amass weaponry and now surruoned by bja who says he hd him do it when the empire had them all do it. 

the cars also means vehicles.  but particular ones and related only to cars.  the dodge aries k  is  te God of War and it means that.  and states it there. too.  nd our son pays Homage to his Father and i the cinematic and games as Kratos and shall appear as he if he makes it to comicon and show you what he looks like.  imemnse arms ok. huge thck neck giant lats hulk sized delts and more. massive legs like tree trunks.  and for comicon he will paint up and more. fun stuff he will say tons will be in fer and he iwll sign autogrphs.  and accept somemoney yup. tons say it we want to have lunch w you. he says you buyin and he says it a huge circle in front of him and they say no way but ok and they go and eat good. he has a sandwich and  they laugh seteroids no eats a few times each day about five.  nd see him eating a lot.  laugh nd are in fear.  he is a giant nad hated ok. but no wont eat ppl.  fun stuff if you do it though.

wont and ok yout then tons say it your out turmp.  were the msternow your out.  aare not him dont care for it we dont care for you we need to your out too and weak gross and losers.

all thsongs say it teh cars help good

Thor Freya

Olympus

we helped make a small economic car and the broke it.  and the escort was prior to sow e sued it on them yes

tht sucked bdly i hate it see why no.  ok he thinks.  going to the store passing by tom foolery......usualy about tommy allen and ok we pass by the gifted and try to and get hurt and ghwb saw it .worked told us all we worked . they are off good.  we got spun around each of us had an injury and also females rep by ellie and qe2 nd it was a hit order.  tried it on him and they died and a lot and in te midwest.  we simply left but were hurt  a lot.  we need this out . need others to see macs and what they do wanted thiem there nd to use it nd did and do

Camilla

we are sorry about our fight have to.we lose and go down. need to fight to stop it. but yeh we cant fight macs will be bd.  need out i guess

trump

your a loser cant ifugre out how to open a door t times we do it leave you trump and out of here your a high spaz now.  no.  he hates you. is alone and your a tyrant nad faggot. shithead. out

mike g

and so i am so what

trump

and wrarhammer in full swing outfits on armor. ships up. stan hit. and you are out up to titan. hit yourself hard and after teh borg ship.  and are controlled by ghwb.   and he is out still yeh.  are out.  leave.  go to concord.  and tommy f puts you there he said it itoohis singatrue.  and gone.  wars over teh pyrmids and in massachusetts.  all to go deeper.  and to shps that are ancient.  and unknown.  not identified. huge.  but yeh tax day and symbolic of those who would free the slaves so they accuse you of it trump

Zues Hera

and we are the slaves and no they say not those the other ones.  and i say negros...they say yes them too.  and go on....os his  people. y s you did it and on purpose and it is your ass character charles manson that shows it and hte ladies hhave you in the mansiont your wife sings that song over nd over cstles.  and had him in casl.  and your dopes they are too but owmen do stuff and us you. we see it.  cnsst stop it and ok. we did it too. but no this is rancid. now fight them or else.  and we wont and you shall leed it and your the  odd man out not women. ok trump your done

macs

we see ittoo he is the guy and we hit.

he tried for tommy f and the cars ten times today.  and on his bike. and yyeh from a dodge ries k.  and to use it.  tommy f whipes himout

news shortly but ok

the caverns are looked t.  groups made it there.nd  few.  and trump found this empty no. and pissed outside some saw him balk.  and heard this. youir the faggot. and he did  pee outside stn owns the apprtments. will look intoi it.  and knows how.  wills ee the pile. and it is used to threten for the money there in wesboro and both of them and his banck account.  

THE GROUPS FOUND HTIS NOT EMPTY HAS EMMO ORDINANCE AND TRUCKS TANKS AND JETS AND NEW ONES BIG ONES UP TO 170 FEET PLUS AND MORE.  TONS OF ROCKETS SMALL ONES LAUNCHERS ARMORED TRUCKS AND ONE MORE THING THE LEADERS LIKE, THE OSHKOSH PERSONELL MOVEERS WITH LARGER TIRES AND MEAN ONES ARMORED RIGHT CNAN ROLL VERTICALLY AND ARE TOUGH AS HELL.  AND ARMED TO THE TEETH  HAS TECH AND TRIPLE REDUNDANCY.  DONE WELL.  WANT THEM. TONS OF ORDINANCE AND SPECIAL AND BLASTERS TONS OF THEM STOCKED UP. AND BY WHOM.  TONS WONDRED.  TRUMP OK

Thor Freya

Olympus

[dutchwinter]

also listened to tzia and most of we're still here! tzia was really good as well im so excited to see that stuff life and we're still here makes me want to run straight into a wall at top speed. also meg is the funniest person alive for covering linkin park's numb on tzia. my new faves from tzia are probably bluebird, waste of confetti, and ovaries speak? some of my faves are singles though like htis and me. i didnt finish we're still here but i did listen to a lot of it okay like half of it and i love like every song i dont have a favorite plus they are hard to tell apart for me. i really really liked the last one though

im back and ive listened to it.

[psycho-mocha]

eveything changes in life but jungkook's zoobadoobadoobadoodaribadabadoodidupdedoodoobadoozibaridoobedoo in house of cards remains as the best adlibs to ever exist

[eukrasian]

Hey have you listened to Itzy ever. I really like Itzy. Mafia in the morning is good but not my fav. Their newest release (LOCO) is very good and so are it's side tracks. Dalla Dalla is ok. ICY is very good as well. Wannabe is probably my favorite comeback. Not shy is, again, very good. I don't know if I want to say anything else. Listen to Itzy.!

im bored so im gonna give an in depth response to this ask.

i didnt really like loco's beginning but past one minute the song got pretty good but i dont think its my thing overall unfortunately. i dont like the way they sing... hm maybe its just this song. i respect it though in the morning kinda reminds me of umm kda LOL i kinda like it i like htis one more than loco... hmmm i dont really like it when they Space .. out ... their ... words ... it feels awkward to me... hmm;. the chorus is good dalla dalla is really cute i like this one a lot actually im adding it to my Songs not much to say. i also like wannabe. i thikn i really like generic sounding kpop when it comes to girl groups just give me cutesy shit yess./ Not a fan of umm not shy sorry. and now i have to listen to ads so im gonna skip out on icy sorry but thank you for thew new music goodnight

[popculturebuffet]

Animaniacs: King Yakko Review (Comission by BlahDiddy)

Hello my beautiful technicolor rainbow! It’s time for Animaniacs, and while there is no balonga in my slacks there is one last christmas review for my friend to finish up, and after two visits to Acme Lab for the spinoff we’re finishing up with a look at Animaniacs proper.  Suprisingly for a show that stands so easily on it’s own it’s existance is entirely thanks to another show: Tiny Toon Adventures, which had largely the same staff, including ep and co-creator stephen speilberg and Todd Ruegger, who was brought aboard from A Pup Named Scooby Doo. Since TIny Toon was a colossal hit with tons of awards and merch, including some very good video games I wish Warner would find a way to re-release, I mean.. come on if disney can rerelease the disney afternoon games (If...not..for..switch), and LIon King and Aladdin games (If somehow FOR switch), then Warner, which has it’s own game stuido no less, can put together a collection of the good Tiny Toons games when the new show comes out soon. 

Point is it was a mass sucess and Warner Bros likes money, so they had Speilberg try to get Rutger to come up with another show for the two of them to do, something with name value. Rutger found his inpsiration when seeing the iconic warner water tower and taking some platypus characters, came up with our heroes and the rest is history.. well okay he retooled them from plataups’ to early looney tunes and other toons style characters minus the racisim of say bosko the tall ink kid but still, the rest after that is history. And the rest of this review is after the cut

The show was, and KINDA still is, a variety show: taking a page from looney tunes, as well as tex avery’s other work, the crew decided rather than just focus on the warners, to instead create a whole cast with various ensembles to work with so we got Pinky and the Brain, The Goodfeathers, Rita and Runt,  the Hip HIppos, Katie Kaboom, Chicken Boo, and my personal faviorite Slappy Squirrel.. and the bane of my existance, Buttons and Mindy.. or rather Mindy’s Mom. The kid did nothing wrong.  So naturally the first thing Animaniacs related I cover.. is an episode entirely breaking from format for one 20 something minute Warners cartoon. I do intend to do more animanics stuff in the future, so i’ll hopefully get a chance to talk about everyone, I just feel unlike with say house of mouse most people reading this probably know who they all are, and I can save any deep dives for if I cover the characters specifically. Spoilers: there’s probably never going to be a buttons and mindy deep dive unless someone tourtues me by paying for it. 

So with that out of the way, we can dive into the episode.. which I won’t be covering in my usual recap it point by point because the writers have freely admitted that’s not what Animaniacs is about. While some of i’ts SEGMENTS are more story based like Pinky and the Brain, Goodfeathers and Rita and Runt, most are just based on simple set ups to reams and reams of gags. And I love it. I grew up with this stuff not just Tiny Tunes and Animaniacs but the classic Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry and Droopy shorts. 

Their well timed, well executed feats of comedy and most have aged pretty well.. emphasis on MOST. I’m keenly aware why there are several gaps in the shorts for both Tom and Jerry and The Looney Tunes on HBO Max, including all of the Pepe LePew and Speedy Gonzalez shorts. Also all of Droopy is missing. 

My grumblin aside though, it is VERY NICE to have all the classic Warner and Tom and Jerry shorts at my fingertips and it was one of the biggest selling points of Max for me. Last year I gained an intrest in the old disney theatrical shorts, hence my various birthday specials, so I BADLY wanted to revisit the theatrical shorts I grew up with. And honestly.. Max is the best way to do that: their in crisp hd, in neat season collections (Though the Looney Tunes one is better sorted, tom and jerry’s seasons are just.. random smatterings of shorts across various eras), and most importantly EVERY SHORT they felt comfortable with putting up there is on there. Every. Single. One.  I make a big deal about this because Disney.. has only maybe 30-40 of their hundreds of shorts on there. Now lucky for me the vast majority are still on youtube and I get why some really arne’t suitable.. we probably don’t need the donald duck short where he prepares to shoot a penguin in the face or the Goofy short where his own reflection, the goofy equilvent of tyler durden I guess?, keeps saying “Hey Fat” to him. And yes BOTH of these actually happened. But.. there’s MANY shorts with no clear excuse why their absent like the triplets first apperance, gus’ only apperance, and one a friend told me about.. that time mickey built a robot to box a gorillia. Again not making this up, just wondering why you can’t restore the rest of these for plus. They’ve ADDED shorts ocasionally, but it still dosen’t make a whole lot of sense to just.. not have them all up there. and to not put them in some sorta collection for easier consumption but hey it’s Disney. They either full ass things or half ass it. There is no middle ground.  Point is Warner.. actually cares about their heritage in shorts and honors it and thus has everything avaliable in the best quality, so tha’ts nice.

My point after that detour is I really love this kind of humor, and now as an adult I can see the effort the timing, pacing and character chemistry these shorts had takes. And Rugger and co.. they got it. They got it down perfect. And this episode is a great show of that and just how they barely updated this format for the 90′s. But as I said it’s more about the jokes and basic setup, our heroes are slotted into x scenario and just left to run wild. It’s been the basic seutp for looney tunes, tom and jerry and all the gag based greats, and it works perfectly here. Sure there’s some setting and continuity with the warner lot, scratch n sniff, ralph, plotz and in the reboot Rita, but it’s mostly just our heroes go up against “X asshole” and it just works. 

And that’s.. entirley what this episode is. The short is an homage to the graucho marx film Duck Soup, which given the warners were based on the marx brothers that isn’t a huge suprise, a film like brian’s song I have not seen, but genuinely want to. The basic setup is the same: An underqualified womanizer, though since htis is Yakko it dosen’t get past hitting on his chancelor, played by hello nurse, constantly, which is still.. ewwwww... but clearly not the same thing, becomes king of a small nation and ends up at war with another country. There were spies and other stuff in the original short but that was left out to streamline things.  But this homage stands on it’s own fine: The basic plot is this: Yakko, due to being a distant relative and the last one alive, becomes king of the small happy and very musical, as the wonderful opening number shows, country of Anvilania, which makes anvils and why yes there is one MASSIVE anvil gag as a result at the end. Yakko says he’ll try his best and geninely tries to with the shenanigans you’d expect, including Dot not gettnig Polka Dot’s are a thing and instead taknig any mention of it as a sign to polka, Yakko again hitting on his colleague and wanting ot get a new anthem because the current one by “Perry Coma’ puts people to sleep. Honeslty that gag didn’t do it for me: Partly because I genuinely know next to nothing about Como and he’s far past my generation.. and because despite this, SCTV did a MUCH better Perry Como gag over a decade before this episode that while still left me baffled as to why anyone cared about mocking him, was 80 times funnier and felt far less like you needed to know who he was to be funny. 

That being said it’s one of only three running gags, and jokes period that didn’t land for me. The other ones being the hello nurse bits, because it’s aged really badly to have Yakko harass one of his employees and his age is hte only thing that keeps it from scuttling the episode as he’s just 13 or 14. Maybe 15. 

So SO glad I now have that on hand whenever i need it. The other being the “Your highness” joke as it just.. dosen’t make much sense and isn’t very funny. But that’s it: a refrence i specfically don’t get and I doubt most of you will, and if you do fine we all have our frames of refrences, a joke that’s dated very poorly, and one that just.. didn’t land. And even then the Perry Coma thing’s third use to knock out the opposing army DID work for me as did the VERY clever joke of “Sire” “Maybe later”, so even the weaker bits still had some legs.  But getting back to what little plot there is the king of the rival country, upon hearing this, assumes he can easily intimidate a child into giving him the throne and goes to a royal reception. Instead, as you’d expect, the Warners mistake him for a party clown, show him no respect and fail to take his delcration of war seriously, and while in a REALLY great gag, and the reason i’m not doing a strict summary is 90% of the review would be me saying something to that effect, Yakkos’ call to action for his troops ends up having them all run off in fear, the Warners take out the army as noted above and then in one of the most GLORIOUS climaxes in the series history...

 In which the Warners give the bad guy “all the anvils” as he requested. I sadly coulnd’t find a clip of it but seek it out if you got hulu, my words can’t do it justice as they hit him with anvil after anvil in increasingly clever and insane ways till the guy finally gives up and it .. is glorious.  Other highlights not already mentioned include: The opening song, the bad guy dictator from the other nation not being able to hear because of his helmet and his attendee having to lift it, leading to Yakko taking off his helmet just to end the “what’ running gag, Yakko’s bit explaning his distant relation and more.  So yeah not a ton to say on this one. It’s a very good, very funny episode but also very typical of a warner cartoon in structure, just stretched over 22 or so minutes. As I said with few exceptions the jokes work, the anmation is crisp as always, and the climax is one of the series best. A crisp, quick watch and a nice quick review after a week of with some really tough ones behind me and ahead of me and a month of rather large ones a few weeks out. So yeah if you like animaniacs, even ifyou’ve seen this one worth a watch, if you have any more animaniacs you’d like me to take a look at feel free to comment or comission and until the next rainbow..

[dalamjisung]

blue ✾ han jisung

okay, so I had three asks for a Jisung fluff story, and together they formed a pretty cool storyline! so I hope you all don’t mind, I mashed them all together and came up with this! :D 

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 3142

pairing: reader x han jisung

description: with thousands of miles in between you two, will the relationship last?

(inspired on the song BLUE by TAEYEON: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVtTdZt-HtI)

Half of the time you were at the studio, and the other half you were at the coffee shop at the end of the block because you’d have to work overnight again. And it wasn’t like you hated your job– it was actually pretty dope being songwriter for one of the biggest entertainment companies in the country, especially when your boyfriend also worked at that company. He was a member of a boy group called Stray Kids, and you have been assigned to them since pre-debut; although the jobs were very different, he was one of the three members that always worked with you to get the songs just perfect. You two spent countless nights talking about feelings and writing them down; brainstorming for new comebacks and concepts, creating choreographies to match the rhythm of the title track, making out, recording the songs, signing contracts, splitting lines to fit the members voices, and all that being a songwriter encompasses. With the plus of Han Jisung by your side. 

However, there were some aspects of your jobs that didn’t match. At all. Mainly, the fact that he’d go on world tours for about four months while you were trapped back at the company with a bunch of deadlines and other groups to attend to. It was stressful. But you made it work… for a while. It wasn’t quite like that anymore; there were no flowers waiting for you every Wednesday, your busiest days, at your office. No letters or emails or snippets of love songs recordings waiting for you when you got home. No more insisting that you guys went public so he could ‘show you off.’ No more breakfasts in bed when Jisung got back from tour, because both of your would be exhausted and honestly, no more cuddling– you both needed a proper night of sleep without waking up every time the other moved. You knew things were falling apart. You were very much aware of it, and of your part in it, but oh god, how you wanted to blame him. You wanted to blame Han Jisung and only Han Jisung, simply because you didn’t want to admit to him– to yourself– that you failed at the thing you loved the most in the world; your relationship. 

But it wasn’t only him and that was a fact. You guys fell in a space of comfort and routine that was hard to escape, and with the situation that both of you were, it was even harder. You sighed, checking your messages one last time before coming to terms with it– he forgot to call you. Again. And when he remembers, you’d probably be sleeping the three or four hours you managed to make free on your day. It has been almost a week of calculated, emotionless “good morning” and “good night” texts, no in between. No “I love you’s” or “I miss you.” It felt forced… and you just wanted it to stop, no matter what.

You were in the studio with BamBam when he calls, and for the first time, you ignore him on purpose. You are late on a deadline and Got7’s manager is hot on your tail, pressuring you to the point that you’d get home every night and burst into tears, thinking about quitting your job, forgetting all about your special project, as you called it, and wishing for familiar arms to surround you, a whispering voice telling you that “it’ll be alright, love.” But none of those happen; you keep showing up to work every morning and Jisung is never home, and even then, you’d still make time to work on your personal project once you got home. A project made for Jisung, to finally officialize you guys’ relationship, and now, you are not even sure if you should continue it. 

The phone stopes ringing only to start again and this time you groan in annoyance, scaring the man by your side. 

“Everything alright?” BamBam asks, squinting his eyes when you turn your phone screen facing down. 

“Just peachy,” You mumble, staring at the damn line you’ve been trying to finish since two hours ago. It just wasn’t happening; you feel as if you lost your touch, nothing you were writing was coming out good and your bosses were starting to bother you. The definitely mentioned you quitting, but you ignored them as you usually did. 

“Y/N,” BamBam sighs. “Go home. I got this.”

“No, I can’t go home.” You say and it’s true. You’ve been dreading going home for the past month or so, because it didn’t feel like home anymore. There was no Jisung wearing an apron in the kitchen making dinner, or Felix and Woojin appearing out of nowhere because ‘your wifi is better than the dorm’s’; it didn’t feel like anyone lived that and getting home to an empty apartment fucking sucked. So yeah, you couldn’t go home, and you simply didn’t want to anymore. “I just can’t.”

“Y/N, what’s going on?” BamBam asks taking your pen away and turning your chair to him. “We all noticed. We all know. What’s up?”

And you just start crying, because you can’t hold it in anymore. You cry because your best friends are gone, because you are alone, because everything apparently depends on you and nothing you do is good enough. You cry because you want to, and it feels as if a weight is taken off your shoulders when you say “I can’t do this anymore.”

——————————

BamBam drops you at your apartment that same night; he promised Chan that he would watch out for you while they were away and he did his best, but in a situation like this, he felt like an idiot. He didn’t know what to do, so while you were in your office packing for the day, he calls Jisung, telling him to call you in about thirty minutes or so, when you’d be home alone. And this time, you can’t ignore it. You just can’t.

“Hey,” You croak, your voice tired and overused. 

“Hey,” He answers, brows furrowed and eyes low on his hands. “How are you?”

“BamBam called you didn’t he?” You ask with a humorless chuckle. You’re embarrassed really, it was stupid of you to not go talk to him in the first place. When your boyfriend nods, you nod with him, defeated and feeling like you might cry again. “I’m sorry, Jisung. I’m so sorry…”

“You’re scaring me,” He says, and you nod again. “What happened?”

“I just-“ You sob, tears falling out of your control, and you want to punch yourself when you see the desperate look on his face. “I just miss you so much and I-I don’t think I can do this…”

“Do what?” He sighs, frustrated. 

“This, Jisung!” You shout, grabbing your hair and pulling it back, finding relief on the sting on your scalp. “Us. This. You there, and me here. It’s killing me!”

“W-What?” He whispers, and you notice the wet glint in his eyes. Great, now you made the love of your life cry. “Y/N, don’t say that!”

“But it’s true…” You choke out. “I miss you so damn much I can’t even come home. The agency is talking about firing me because I haven’t been the same since you were gone, and honestly, Jisungie, neither have we. We don’t talk anymore. We barely text, and when we see each other– on a screen, I might add– we fight. And it’s not your fault babe, really, it’s your job and I’m so damn proud of you for getting there, but it’s my job too, and I’m almost losing it. I’m about to lose it for real.”

“But we promised,” He says and his voice is strong. “We promised to fight until the end."

“I think this might just be the end of me,” You whisper, crying. “I don’t want to, believe me! I love you so much, but I don’t know what else to do!”

“We can fix this,” He vowels, grabbing the screen with his hands and bring it closer to his face. “I love you. We can fix this.”

“Can we?”

“Yes,” He says and he sounds so sure, so decided, that you nod. You believe him, and you allow him to guide you when you feel vulnerable. “I wish you had talked to me before, love…”

“I’m sorry,” You whisper looking down in shame. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Then leave it to me,” He says and you see his hand touching the screen of his computer. “Trust me to help you when you can’t help yourself anymore, Y/N. Please.”

“Okay,” You breath deeply. “I trust you. But you have to trust me too. This is a two way street, Jisung.”

“I do,” He smiles, relived. “I trust you with all my heart even though you almost broke up with me just now…”

“Stop it!” You whine. “I sounded like it was the best thing for the both of us.”

“Being away from you will never be the best thing for me, Y/N. Get that through your thick head.”

You laugh, the first true one in weeks. “Okay okay, I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” He whines. “I’m not leaving you even if you beg me to. Now tell me everything that’s bothering you.”

“Jisung, no,” You sigh, blushing. “You have problems too, I am sure, you don’t nee-“

“If we’re going to make this work, babe,” He says with a sad smile. “We have to communicate better. That’s the hardest part, love, but we can do this… come on, tell me everything.”

And you do; you talk about sleeping alone, and not being able to write, and about hatting one of your bosses (whom he hates too) and the conversation goes for hours. He tells you about being alone too, even though he has his eight member by his side, and how he wished you’d be more open with him. He talks about the concerts that don’t feel the same without waiting for him backstage and you talk about coming home to an empty space. Both of you finally talk, and it great and amazing, but once he’s gone, and you’re alone again, and silence takes over the room, you start wondering if things will really change. 

The doorbell wakes you up before your alarm, and you swear that you could kill anyone that early in the morning. You know it’s not Jisung trying to surprise you because he still has two concerts left before coming home, so you scream random words and try to go back to sleep. But then you hear the noise of the door closing, a subtle slam, but enough to alarm you. Were you getting robbed? 

As silently as your sleep deprived body could, you tiptoe to hide yourself behind the door of your room; and it was the perfect timing, because as soon as you rest your back on the wall, the door opens slowly, and a man comes in. He walks to your bed, and just as he is leaning forward to look for you in the mess of fluffy blankets, you kick him in the butt, pushing his body forward and locking him in place by his arms. 

“What the fuck?” They shout, and as his face turns to the side to look at you, you recognize some facial features. 

“What the-“ You let him go, walking to your nightstand and putting your glasses on. “BamBam, care to explain why you sneaked into my house?”

“Hm, care to explain how you know how to immobilize people?” He groans back, sitting down while massaging his shoulder.

“To protect myself when people sneak into my house.” You deadpan, still waiting for an explication. 

“Jisung called me last night,” Your friend says. “He told me to come get you and take you to get coffee on the way to work.”

You were surprised. He listened, you thought with a small smile. He listened to me.

“I’ll get dressed really quick and we’ll go,” You squeal in happiness. 

On the way to the coffee shop, you two pass by the florist that Jisung usually went. He is waiting outside for you, with a handful of daisies. 

“For the beautiful lady,” He says, smiling from ear to ear. “Your boyfriend called and told me to give these to you when he’s away.”

“Wha-“ You can’t even finish your sentence. You feel tears coming to your eyes as you hug the bouquet. You hear a snap coming from your right side and you assume BamBam just took a picture of you for your boyfriend, but you couldn’t care less.

Things are finally getting back to normal, you think. I hope I do too.

At work, everything went perfectly. You managed to deliver projects that had been late for weeks and you got all contracts signed and sent back in time. You wrote two new songs for the new girl band, Itzy, and got the schedule ready for Jus2. All that and you even managed to leave the office early, in time to your once again scheduled calls with Jisung. Truth was that you planned on having the surprise ready way earlier, but job and relationship and house and every single other problem got in the way. You felt that you were finally ready to tell the world that you are in love– and had been for two years– with the one and only Han Jisung. You were back at it full force and nothing could stop you. 

This was the mental state you were for a week. A whole week solely focused on work and Jisung. You had three songs ready, and you needed only one or two more for a mini album. That was the way you chose to tell everyone about you two; a collaboration of your talents and voices. It would be epic, and thankfully, it was already approved by the higher ups. Sometimes you felt as if it was unfair, for you to work alone on it when it would clearly influence you two immensely; you felt as if it was unfair to him, sure that if he knew about it, he’d want to participate on the making of the songs, not only the recording. But you also knew that he would be incredibly proud and happy and that that would override the fact that you hid this from him for so long.

It was almost 8PM now, and you were still at the company, trying to write just one more song for him, for both of you, but you were stuck in a line that you weren’t sure should be sang by you or him. So you went from the top, singing everything to try and come up with something for that ending. 

You are my blue, as always

You are my blue, filled with longing

It's beautiful

You closed your eyes, singing it by heart; you could almost see him, with his beautiful smile with that one slightly crooked tooth that he hated so much, but you thought it was endearing, looking at you with smily eyes, the type that express all of his fondness for you– of you. And then he’d come closer, chuckling a bit– ah yes, you could hear it, that slow, aired laugh he had, that made your heart go boom boom. 

Love, that which resembles you

My day is still here

A labyrinth full of you, one step further

An exceptionally deep sigh

And now his hands would touch your waist, swaying his body with yours. You felt it; the warmth of his callused hands, the delicacy of his slim fingers on your skin. He was right there. With you. And then, the lines that were missing come, his voice echoing in the small studio.

Slowly flowing through the breath

I think you are, you are my blue

As always, you are my blue

Filled with longing

It's beautiful

“Hello, love.”

——————————

“Remember,” His voice is the first thing you hear in the morning when you wake up, and you love him, you really do, but this was too much. “When you wanted to break up?”

“Jisung,” You mumble with a hoarse voice, hiding under your pillow. “That was two years ago and it’s 8 in the morning…”

“Still,” He chuckles and you start counting to ten. “I’m proud of us.”

You stop at 6 and peek at him, hair all over you face and marks of the pillowcase on your forehead. 

“What?” He asks, wide eyes and innocent smile. He was definitely hiding something. Sighing, you accept the fact that you won’t be able to sleep anymore and you try to make yourself presentable. “Stop it, you look beautiful anyways.”

“Or so you say,” You mock and put your hair up in a bun. “What is it? Why are you being all sentimental this early in the morning?”

He squints his eyes at you and scoffs, moving his body closer to yours and caging you with his arms and legs. He was an extreme cuddler, and you weren’t complaining. You laid your head on his shirtless chest, his t-shirt, as always, tossed somewhere in the room because he feels hot at night even though snow accumulated on your windowsill. 

“What?” You groan when he starts squirming. “Jisung, what is it?”

“You really don’t know?” He gasps. “I’m offended, Y/N, really!”

“Babe, I might know later in the day,” You whine, hugging him closer to you. “But it’s too early now!”

“Now I know how Chan hyung’s fiancé felt last month,” He mumbled.

“Jisung what are you talking about?” You sigh, deciding to move on top of him. You move your body so that it’s laying on top of his, your chin propped on his chest so you could look at his handsome face. Oh god, you were so in love with this man.

“Y/N!” He laughs once you poked his right side.

“Tell me.” You demand.

“You should know!” He tried to squirm away from your poking, but he fails. You keep going at it until he loses his patience and rolls you two around, trapping you under him. 

“Babe-“ You try to get away but you can’t. He holds you in place, eyes on yours, noses touching, and smiling mouth kissing all over your face. 

“I can’t believe I married you,” He chuckles and it finally clicks. “Happy anniversary babe. It has now been two full years since we released our album and got married. I love you.”

“I knew,” You try to look serious, but even you can’t hold your laughter. “I knew! I promise I didn’t forget our anniversary!”

“Y/N,” He laughs. “You forget your own birthday.”

“…I love you?” You say, smiling sheepishly.

“Much better.”

[sibillascribbles08]

This is a crack fic I wrote the previous night under the influence of alcohol and also under the influence of my terrible friends who kept giving me awful suggestions. There was a rule that I could not delete anything apart from the word I was currently typing.

I am begging you not to take this seriously.

This is the third out of three.

It’s a Ma.rio/TBoL Au somehow

Mario is Manolo, Peach is María, Bower is Joaquín, Wario is Xibalba, Donkey Kong is La Muerte, Luigi is the Candlemaker, Toadworth is Posada, Waluigi is Carlos, Daisy is Carmen, Live Action Bowser is Chakal

SO FUCKIN once upon a time two gods of death? I think were hanging out in the graveyard their names were Wario and Donkey Kong. They’re in the graveyard and talking about a bet. And then they decide they’re gonn place their wager on some kids and who this girl is gonna marry even though she could potentioallly marry someone compeltely unrelated to whatever they’re wagering, whatever. SO anyway. Wario bets on Bowser to marry Peach. And Donkey Kong bets on Mario. Yay.

So um I think Peach lets out a bunch of YOSHIs into the streets and causes a fucking MESSS um Bowser and Mario both fight a big yoshi and manage to beat it yay. But then Peach is getting shipped off to spain because ?? manners.

Boys r sad.

SO GROWING UP montage I think with Mario learning to fight CHOMP CHOMPS and Bowser just learning to fight in general. There’s music.

ANYWYA we get to the first chomp chomp fight for Mario UM Peach ish ome again yes and Bowser for some reason gets to show off before the fight riding on a horse??? or uuuuuh idk what could replace a horse. So everyone’s swooning. The entire stadium is gay. So then Mario comes out with his cape he’s gonna fight the chomp chomp. Manages to write some romantic letter for Peach in there I guess?? however that works, animation cheats. So he doesn’t write Peach’s name in the sand he draws a peach emoji which kinda looks like a butt?

But then Peach swoons anwyay jsut cause. SO THEN Mario’s supposed to stab the fuckin chomp chomp but he doesn’t cause that’d be awful, KILLIN THE CHOMP CHOMPS IS WRONG. WAAAAAH Waluigi cries in despiration.

Crowd bows. Mario gets knocked out by guitar.

Wakes up and his dad, Waluigi is shaming him WAAAH, along with his grandmother, Rosalina. Rosalina calls him a bitch.

SO THEN he sings I’m a Creep by Radiohead and Peach is swooning even more, thinks that’s hat.

OKAY SO WE cut to a dinner at um Toadsworth’s house and um Bowswer is trying to flirt with Peach but he’s sound a little sexist. Peach tells him to piss off and she’s going to feed her ........ birdo cause she’s better company than this.

So Bowser knows he fucked up and Mario starts serenading Peach with a guitar song. AND IT”S REALLY HAT LIKE SUPER HAT OH M YGOOOOOD.

But she don’t kiss him cause meh it’s funnier ot push him like ten feet onto the ground and watch him get crushed by his bandmates. Mario loses a life.

SO then Peach goes downstairs and is going to give Mario his guitar back but Bowser has a sonic ring out CHAOS EMERALD IN IT, ITS” FANCY so then Peach is like oh fuck I don’t wanna fucking commit already I just got home. SO THEN mario stumbles in and he’s like ??? drunk or slightly concussed, and leans on Bowser it’s kinda gay.

Mario gets stabbed loses another life.

So then they argue about who’s better for Peach but BANDITS OH MY GOD IT”S THE  GOOOMBITOS THEY’RE COMING. So they go out to fight them but then Bowser shows up out of nowher with some sick kick flips and beats their asses and has some medal of immortality. THE GOOMBAS NOTICE. They flees.

The towsns people think they’re saved and Bowser is a hero. And Peach goes to talk to him because uuuh marriage for the tower??? but also they used to be friends so you might as awell. Toadsworth wants the bowswer D.

So Mario’s moping cause he fucked up he didn’t  win Peach over. He gets hit in a head with a pinapple. Rosalina chucks a pinapples at waluigi. CARLOS.

So Rosalina gives Mario the GOOD advice. Sad wah in the background

Bowser takes Peach home actually sincere for once and Peach thinks he’s cute. Mario calls Peach out to the fuckin uh fuck where?? MEET ME BY THE BRIDGE AT DAWN. Peach be like damn that freaky but okay.

Bandit cave scene.

So then Wario’s stressing out cause he’s gonna lose the bet so he sends his snake??? uh thing to kill Mario.

So then there’s a romantic scene on the island with candles and shit. But then the snake shows up and tires to bite Mario but ends up biting Peach instead. So she passes the fuck out. MMMM WATCHA SAY.

So Mario’s fucking devestated carries her comatose corpse DID ANYONE CHECK FOR A PULSE? Bowser is pissed about this I guess. Mario feels like shit even more.

So he wanders back to get his guitar but rain + depression + death god saying you can be reunited with your loved ones makes it sound pretty tempting. So he lets the snake bite him twice yay he fucking dies.

G AME OVER BITCH

OKAY SO he wakes up as a skeleton and gets taken through land of the remembered. I guess Daisy is his mom? So he meets his mom and talks about how he needs to find Peach who should be dead but you know she’s not.

SO they go to the castle which doesn’t look much like a castle but I can’t judge either way. And Mario’s like yo uh Donkey Kong can you help me find Peach but then it’s. . . WARIO!

WAAARIO

so then everyone’s like oh my gosh no and Wario reveals the bet that um Bowser was going to marry Peach so Peach isn’t actually dead shes’ fine uh Bowser smooched her forhead and she’s fine.

So Mario cusses Wario out and Wario flicks him acros sthe room. And the YEETS OUT through the roof.

So then Mario and his family who I didn’t establish just Daisy decide to go to the CAVE OF SOUUUUUUUUUULS so they can find Donkey Kong.

It’s some long journey they climb a statue uh idk what it looks like they get to the top and there’s MAZE with uh death balls YES and the moon from majora’s mask is chasing him. BUT he manages to best it and the skull face door is like YOU’RE HAT COME ON IN.

So they go into the cave of souls. SO LUIGI shows up talking to them and a puddle. And then they all go into the cave of souls full of candles is very pretty. And there’s the Book of Life TITLE DROP AHA and mentions that apparently Mario’s pages are blank case ?? special. fuck you he’s mario.

SO Luigi helps them get to the land of the forgotten.

MEANWHILE I FORGOT UH Peach agreed to marry Bowser to protect the town and uh Chakal is coming anyway fuck no Chakal um giant goomba. LYOU’RE FIGHT FUCK it’s live action bowswer I forgot.

SO in the land of the forgotten they find Donkey Kong who flips the FUCK out when he finds out his husband cheated he’s throwing barrels and shit.

Wario shows up with wine cause he thought htis was adate for HEYAH HE THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA FUCK HIS HUSBAND.

So they argue about this shit bet that was kinda wobbly from the start tbh?? And then Wario agrees to give Mario his life back if he passes a test cause Mario challenges him like a dumb shit.

SO THEN um we have to cut to live action bowser raiding the town and wait so Peach is in the church with Bowser they’re gonna get married but then BOOM I guess osomeone launched a bomb? kind of a warning if they’re gonna raid a town. Is that how Carlos died he just get blown up idk.

it’s a cold and it’s a borken waluigi.

OKAY ANYWAY so Mario’s fighting a bunch of bone chomps chomps ZOMBIE CHOMPS and um then um his dad Waluigi shows up and it’s like bruh you’re dead??????

So MARIO fights this giant bone chomp chomp. and then serenades it with uh despacito. CHOMP CHOMP I AM SORRY. This is sosad.

ANYway so um Mario passes the test and gets sent back to the land of the living while some fight is going on, uh Bowser’s getting his ass kicked by live action bowser. BOWSER FIGHT.

So yeah Mario shows up and smooches Peach YAY and then the rest of his family shows up they’re going to fight the goombas. FIGHT SCENE!!

Mario and Bowser almost kiss.

Peach is getting taken up the tower  by live action bowser. So Mario’s gonna go after her and Bowser has to find the medal of immortality. So then they combat dancing they have combat dancing on the roof so then Mario punches live action bowser off the roof, and then UH SOME BOMB DROPED AND THE TOWER IS COLLAPSING. THE A BOMB they all died.

no.

SO Mario and Bowser pin live action poswer to the the wall under htis bell right??? okay so they do that and then MarioOOO pushes Bowswer SO LONG GAY BOWSWER

BOOM

Mario??? fuckin dead? bombomb went off. But Mario emerges alive covered in live action Bowswers bloody chunks.

But he’s alive yay

SO wedding scene some more music and everyone’s happy or some shit

the end

[mystomachfeelsawful]

5:47

doing this early this year because I’m procrastinating.

2020 was good to me. I know that sounds really shitty to say, but it really was. I completed two drafts of new plays, acquired some steady teaching work, had my first professional production, started a fund that helped some artists in my hometown, got an HST number from just doing pure theatre work and felt really artistically fulfilled. Strangely enough, a lot of my good fortune started happening once the pandemic started, which is currently baffling to me.

1 - In January, I entered a mediation with a bunch of old classmates and another individual. I can’t legally say what happened in the mediation, but I can say that it had a really profound effect on me. I think I entered the mediation ready to destroy this person and ruin them. But I think somewhere in that, I realized that that wasn’t helpful. It’s always weird thinking back to that time in my life (when I started this tumblr actually!) about how sad I was and how lost I felt and how this person and a few other people really made me feel dreadful. Aside from maybe 2 people in my class, I don’t really connect to anyone from that cohort. But hearing and experiencing closure and learning how to forgive someone face to face, who made me feel like I was worthless felt really impactful. I think I want to enter this decade as a more patient person, especially as I start to engage more with teaching work. That period from 10 years ago taught me about the theatremaker I don’t want to be. So, it’s my responsibility to make space to be the opposite of that - to forgive people when they screw up as opposed to hold it against them and be weird.

2 - I adjudicated the U of T drama festival this year! It took me back to Sears days where I’d do a thing and then wait for feedback from a pro. I found the entire experience super inspiring and I took it pretty seriously. Having come from a really terrible theatre school experience right out of high school, as an educator, it’s really important that I don’t play softball with my students, but also don’t destroy them. I really hope my words gave them confidence as well as things to build upon. I kind of want to be the educator I didn’t have when I originally came to Toronto 10 years ago and only encountered quite recently. There’s also a kind of refreshing lack of cynicism when it comes to student-led/non pro work (more on this later) that I think I’ve been missing in my practise.

3 - I let a group of friends down on a project where I put people in harm’s way.  I didn’t stand up for them when bad things happened. As someone who prides himself on making rooms safe, being on the outside of that situation was disturbing and unacceptable. The experience also taught me something I’ve been learning through my whole “career”. It doesn’t matter how prestiguous the institution is. If you don’t feel safe, if you don’t feel comfortable, if you feel isolated and alone, get out. Career advancement shouldn’t destroy you. Aside from the project itself, the environment of being in a mostly white, aggressively conservative town is something I never want to do again  -no matter the money or how it’ll move you forward. It’s something I want to put into my personal contract to myself. Unflinchingly.

4 - Similarly, I think I need to incorporate this mentality into the projects/people I work with. I’m down to be challenged, but if someone makes me feel terrible about myself/I get a vibe that they don’t really believe in my work, I need to not engage with them. Sometimes I get starstruck, or I try to please or impress people because I fear of what they’ll think of me in the larger community. I think if I have that fear, maybe that relationship isn’t one I want to explore. I want to work with collaborators who get excited about the same shit I’m excited by, who push me to be better, but who want to run with me as opposed to at their pace.

5 - From March to July 2020, I was trapped in Hamilton, Ontario for over 100 days (thank you, Spring Awakening + COVID).  For all of my yammering about how much I loved my hometown in my last post, I was fucking miserable. I have very few friends who currently live in the city, living with two very risk adverse people (as they should be) and feeling like I was trapped in a city that I have complex feelings about was really terrible. I hadn’t been trapped in Hamilton against my will since I got kicked out of Ryerson. From March to May, I was probably the saddest I’d been in a while. I started going to bed at stupid times because I didn’t want to be awake for most of the day. I played a lot of video games, cooked a lot, but creatively I kind of hit a snag. I don’t want to live in Hamilton. I want to create stuff there, but I know I don’t belong in the city. The place has such a weird energy and reminds me of my past failures. It sucks the energy out of me and brings me back to a time where I felt like I had no control over my career and was destined to become a hobbyist in the arts.

6 - During this time, I was sort of kind of busy. I finally made a website, I made a fancy video for a general audition (which actually landed me employment/a relationship with the company!). But most importantly, I think I finally got what Nina was saying. I do have no direction in my career because I’m not applying for things. I’m not reaching out to companies and answering their calls. I haven’t really freelanced. Spring Awakening at HTI, while great for what it was (before we got shut down), was actually an incredibly safe choice. if I really want to do this seriously, why am I not trying to get into pro rooms? Going from festivals to spring was a weird move, but maybe it needed to happen because it made me realize that this isn’t me taking control of my career, this is me taking a step backwards into something I know I can do. When everything re-opens, I do have some gigs lined up, but I want to be aggressive in reaching out to ADs and companies as a director. I never want to be in a situation where I’m trapped in Hamilton with piles of unproduced plays again. I want to get out there and hunt for producing opportunities. Being trapped made me realize that I’d kind of always been trapped and just floating by.

7 - June was kind of a saving grace. Somewhere in the mire of the pandemic, York University came a calling and wanted to commission a new play for their 2020/2021 season. I initially found this really daunting - the plays I’d been working on in the past few years had taken years to write and had led nowhere. My writing lately had been pretty sloppy and well....bad. I said yes, though, because I figured it’d keep me busy. This project kind of made my whole year. Having a dramaturg who wanted to jive with me and build on my ideas was something I hadn’t been engaged with in a long time. Having a team be really excited about the work I was putting out was also kind of thrilling and a novel experience (the last solo written play I’d put up was over 4 years ago). Getting paid a real wage as a playwright for production was something I’d never experienced before. I’m dangerously proud of HAGS, as it made me realize that I can actually write plays and get them put up. That yes, it’s important to take your time, but I can actually be produced and produced on someone else’s terms and timeline. 

8 - June also led to the birth of the Garden Project, an initiative created to not only challenge the benign racism of Hamilton’s regional theatre, but also to actually get people in the city paid. Alongside a team of 6 producers, we raised $18000 dollars in a VERY short amount of time. We also gave that money out almost immediately, which was great. If Aquarius won’t do something, we will. We were also called racists for doing the project, which was hilarious. Never change, Hamilton.

9 - Myself, Senjuti and Claire took on Aquarius over what seemed like an endless summer of back and forth emails. I don’t know if anything will change, but we were able to hold a theatre publicly accountable and pressure them into not hiring another man who gaslights his accusers. I will also admit that my participation in this crusade is highly influenced by the fact that this will not effect my career in the slightest. I don’t work professionally in the city. They can’t hurt me.

10 - Arriving back in Toronto as I finished the Ministry of Mundane Mysteries was probably one of the most touching things that happened to me this year. Standing on the balcony during the summer and hearing Hadestown blast over a phone speaker to me was like coming home in a real way. I belong in this city. This is where I want to make work.

11 - Alongside a production draft of HAGS, I finished a full draft of PING! Loads of issues and work to do, but it feels like a step in a more personal direction. Most importantly, I actually did the thing. After giving up on a project I’ve been working on for 4 years, PING feels like a new direction for me, one grounded in my own experiences, interests and fears.

12 - I started running! This deserves it’s own post because it’s to hold myself accountable. I still hate sweating, but doing physical exercise is something I want to keep going post pandemic. 

13 - I’m, um, directing Shakespeare maybe next year. We’ll see how that goes. 

14 - I guess my final thoughts for 2021 are to keep pushing myself to apply for things I don’t think I’m ready for (NOT ADing), to stop waiting for things to happen to me and to take the same charge of my career post pandemic that I did pre-pandemic. Aside from the nightmare of the pandemic, 2020 was a rejuvenating year that made me realize that I’m still capable of doing this on all fronts. Whether that be new play creation, working as an educator with One Song Glory, York University, Hart House and UTM, directing stuff or just learning how to be accountable for things and supporting young, exciting artists, I want to be the theatremaker I looked up to 10 years ago. One I didn’t have at Ryerson.  And I feel I’m doing that.

VIDEO GAMES (I PLAYED A LOT. In order.)

1 - Last of Us Part 2 - I will defend this game to the end of time. This game made me a better person and really taught me about empathy, forgiveness, but most importantly that you can don’t have to like someone to forgive them. I feel a lot of gamers missed the point with this one, or didn’t want to engage with Abby for their own reasons, which is fine. But a character doesn’t have to be likeable to be well written. The game is structured so you don’t consider her perspective until you hate her guts, which is kind of how life works. In this essay I will.... 

2 - Hades - Hades is the most fun I’ve made in a game in a really, really, really long time. Addictive gameplay, an ever evolving story and incredible re-playability makes it something I keep going back to for 4 hour bursts (the time really flies by!). Hades is a game where I thought about it when I wasn’t playing it. Radical.

3 - Night in the Woods - Is one of the best written games I’ve ever played. Super nuanced, really well written, I had to stop playing to be like, damn, this is good. The music also slaps.

4 - Crash Bandicoot 4 - is old school platforming done right. Really hard levels. twitch controls. Gorgeous design. Loads of collectables.

5 - Wide Ocean Big Jacket - is a 2 hour adventure game that’s cute, sweet, really well written, and a great game to play with buds.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Moonlighter, The Witcher 3, Cyberpunk 2077 (IS FINE. Everyone is mad.), Control, Yakuza 0 (just started. Really dig it!), Detroit: Become Human

DISAPPOINTMENTS: Wandersong (I didn’t like the art. I know this is super weird, but the art style didn’t click for me and made me disengage from the game), Spider-man (the gameplay was dull for me and Peter doesn’t really grow or change), Banner Saga (I just can’t get into the gameplay or the UI).

PLAYS (not in order)

1 - Oil

2 - 4inxchange

3 - kitne saare laloo yahan pey hain

4 - Ministry of Mundane Mysteries

5 - Heroes of the Fourth Turning 

HM - Deer Woman, Karen Hines’ nightmare Windsor Play 

TV SHOWS/MOVIES (not in order)

1 - Haikyuu 

2 - Queen’s Gambit 

3 - Survivor Season 40

4 - Run with the Wind

5 - The Platform

HM’s: Encore! Never Have I Ever, High School Musical 2, Fast and Furious 6, Bad Boys as a franchise

Disappointments: The entire Twilight Saga, Triple X as a franchise, High School Musical 1+2

Hoping for a vaccine in April, but like, lol.

[amorningshadeofyellow-blog]

Suggestion O’Clock

As February ends and March begins, here’s a reflection of some things I’ve been listening to and watching. Everybody needs suggestions, take them as you need.

Music: I am a firm believer in Spotify’s Discover Weekly playlists which automatically update themselves based on your listening patterns and what not. The BEST place to go for some handpicked tunes. However, here are a few I’ve come to love the past month.

• The Neighbourhood’s Hard To Imagine EP: Unlike the last three works they’ve put out, Hard To Imagine is something all it’s own. Very far from I Love You and Wiped Out!, HTI is full of songs that definitely reach outside of the usual boundaries they’d set for themselves. Though I am not a fan of the EP in its entirety, there are a few songs that make it worthwhile. ‘Void’ being in the top spot with that one lyric, “Wonder how I got by this week, only touched you once.” Just feels so smooth. Following in no definite order are Scary Love, Nervous (which dropped 5 days ago), You Get Me So High, and Roll Call. Honorable mention to 24/7 and Sadderdaze- both catchy, but in a way that will get old really fast. If there’s such a thing as dishonorable mention, Dust takes that. I could have gone the whole album without that.

• Sufjan Stevens- Visions of Gideon: Top Spot for WEEKS in the category of “Songs That Will Ruin My Day”. This is one of the most gutwrenching songs for me. So pretty, so smooth, so full of feeling. Sufjan is an artist that has definitely made more waves since the Call Me By Your Name soundtrack’s Oscar nomination he got for “Mystery of Love.” I hate to say that the Academy was wrong, but picking that over Visions of Gideon was nothing but wrong. Seriously, listen to this and tell me you didn’t cry.

• Viola Beach- Call You Up: The song I want to montage videos of myself dancing on a beach at sunset with a bottle of wine to. Definitely that annoying indie sounding voice, but it works for this. Lyrics you’d find in the diary of young people in some summer love. “I’ll call you up in the middle of the night in hopes that you want to hear from me. I just wanna know if you’re feeling alright.” It’s just so CATCHY you just gotta sway your head and hips and close your eyes when you sing it. Has a beachy feel. One of those in the middle sort of songs. Not a breakup song, not a love song. Takes a seat on the harshly drawn middle line. Just give it a listen, I can’t stop playing it in my car because it’s impossible to not sing along to.

• Manchester Orchestra- Colly Strings. I don’t know what they are, but I know this song makes me perform power house vocals in the shower. Definitely something the singer wrote to be specific to himself, but still vague enough to feel like it relates. Simple, heavily lyric focused, not technically impressive at all. Just really plain, but I love it. Listen to this on drives home. “CONFESSEDLY, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE LOVED YOU AND GOD, I MEAN IT. GOD, I MEAN IT. I HOPE THAT I MEAN IT. CAUSE LIKE DIANE YOUNG, IDOLS GET THE BEST OF ME. WELL, DONT STOP CALLING- YOURE THE REASON I LOVE LOSING SLEEP.” a... slammer. A true indie king. Strange that I’ve never liked Manchester Orchestra’s other songs.

• The Last Shadow Puppets- Miracle Aligner: IN CASE YOU ARENT AWARE, Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys is the front man of this band. Basically, its Arctic Monkeys music under a different band name. TLSP had Sweet Dreams, Tennessee which I learned about a summer or so ago and loved. How I never found Miracle Aligner baffles me. It’s got that same AM vibe that most of Alex Turner’s work does. Feels a bit like a background song for a 60’s feel good family show. This one’s upbeat for his fashion, but I dig it. Alex Turner is the man I’ve always wanted to meet. I cannot believe he is real. I’ve been convinced he’s sincerely an enigma.

• From the Dining Table- Harry Styles: OKAY, I know it‘s overdue. I didn’t give much listen to Harry’s album because it mimics so many British rock classics so closely that I just.. I didn’t want to. And I’m the biggest one direction stan alive. Sometimes, I cringe at the lyrics. Aside from that, it’s a song I’d fall asleep to and that’s why I like it. It’s something I would sing to put someone to sleep. After a minute and a half we can stop the song because the third verse/bridge/ whatever is so close to resembling Over the Rainbow in my head. Just throw it on your playlist if you’ve not already. I’m sure almost everyone has.

• Jamie T- Magnolia Melancholia: I AM SO MANY THINGS AFTER THIS SONG. First off, Jamie T has been around for a few years, and I’ve always liked some of his stuff. Don’t You Find, and Zombie were two that I definitely was like, huh, this is new. He’s one of those British singers that really actually sounds British. Most of it’s a little more spoken than sung. Anyway, outside of this- magnolia melancholia is very different compared to his other music. Almost similar to Dont You Find, but it’s the only thing close. The song is sincerely just so impactful to me because of the lyrics, but I think it’s a good song overall to have. Like I said, different. “Nice to meet ya, boy, I know your mama knows. I fell in love with her seven thousand summer ago. I was a runner, boy,” just something I think he stripped from my diary and made his own. Definitely really excited to have seen his name come back on my screen and feel something so personal and nostalgic. Really think he’s an underrated artist.

Films: Of course, it’s March when I’m writing this, so the Oscars have come and gone. However, Oscar nominees or not- these are the films I’ve seen, loved, and suggest.

• The Shape of Water- Winner of Best Picture, The Shape of Water is obviously something you look at and say, “Hm, I should probably see that.” TSOW is insanely creative, but there should be nothing less expected from its director. Following a black woman, gay man, and a mute woman’s romance with an amphibian man- it’s definitely up there in terms of diversity. In short, the feel of the film and its tenderness paired with intrinsic visual detail is stimulating in a multitude of ways. You leave the theater feeling something.

• Black Panther- I would literally pay the first person who reads this and hasn’t seen Black Panther $20. I’m pretty sure it’s like... the top grossing movie ever at this point. If you don’t care for superhero movies, just go for the complete bad-assery. And Michael B Jordan. Who I don’t think is a great actor, but I do find him almost as gorgeous as Lupita.

• Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: Another Oscar nominee. Frances McDormand who plays the lead took home best actress while supporting actor went to her co star Sam Rockwell. Really, in all honesty, the thing that I think about when I explain the film is the character arc they gave San Rockwell’s character. Watching this man grow and change throughout the film was impressive both in the acting and the writing.

• Hostiles- ROSAMUND PIKE BEING A BADASS COLONIAL WOMAN!! CHRISTIAN BALE HAVING A GOOD HEART!!! SWEET ENDINGS!!!

• Atonement- Look, I’m just asking you to go on Netflix and add this to your Watch List for an afternoon when you’re laying in bed and want to cry. James McAvoy and Natalie Portman, a heart wrenching love story during war time, but still far more than that.

• The Warriors- We Love A Good 70/80’s film, and this is what that was. Based around gangs and a journey back home, this is full of companionship, unity, wit, and lots and lots of leather vests. (prime)

• Wonderstruck- Ultimately a feel good film that is unlike any other. Complex story line, wonderful depiction, just creative and free. Feels so sweet to see something so pure.

• Captain Fantastic- okay, everything I’ve deemed “creative” is subpar when it comes to Captain Fantastic. Surrounding the theme of family, mental illness, and exclusion- the film depicts a family living off grid with their dad after losing their mother to depression, the following days are full of humorous and heartfelt feats as they attempt to attend their mothers funeral despite the grandfathers wishes. The complete disconnect between the modern world and the world this family lives in puts them at no sort of disadvantage, and the theme of unity and pride of where you come from shines through.

• Blade Runner 2049- Rewatched it. Felt so happy to have my eyes glued to a screen. Genuinely equivalent to being induced into a coma because you’re not leaving your seat. And if you haven’t seen the original Blade Runner- do yourself and Harrison Ford a favor.

• Honorable Mention to Lady Bird, CMBYN, Dunkirk, Phantom Thread, and The Florida Project all of which will be included in an “Oscars in Review” post I have queued for next week

As far as music and movies go, that is a slight look into some of the things February and March have brought thus far. For every time Lauren needs a suggestion, I feel as though it’s necessary to compile a list for whoever else may need it.

[hanhae]

Livii- "Beautiful Creature"/ Koho- "Campfire"/ Minje - "Internet" / Sunwoo Junga- "Spring Girls"/ Nuz- "Lady"/음란소년- "입으로 해줘요" / Jidenna- "Long Live the Chief" / Field Mob- "Sick of Being Lonely"/ Gym Class Heroes- "Peace Sign, Index Down"/Cakes Da Killa- "Goodies Goodies"/ Princess Nokia - "Katana"/ Skee-lo- "I Wish" Childish Gambino- "Be Alone"/ Microdot- "I'm Yours"/Donutman- "Puff Puff Pass It"/Vida Loca- "She's there" I feel like you know all the k-hiphop so I gave you this mess of a list í ½

holy shiet ok THANK YOU first of all 

ok im not gonna use the form just cause theres so many songs but ill tell what i think of all these songs

livii-beautiful creature: yo i was NOT expecting this to be korean wtff the girl in the picture doesnt look korean and her name doesnt sound korean either.. i really liked it :0 downloaded

koho-campfire: not my fave sorry :00 something about the instrumentals didnt click with her voice to me for some reason. i really like her voice though so ill keep an eye out for her

minje-internet: not a fan of his voice ;-; sry

sunwoo junga- spring girls: sorry im not a fan of this either i feel bad heh

nuz-lady: I LOVE THIS!!! its so bEAUTiful ;-; downloaded wtf

i cant read that one for some reason it comes out as ìŒëž€ì†Œë…„- “입으로 해줘요” on my computer lmao

jidenna-long live the chief: wow i actually really liekd the lyrics too i downloaded it i never heard of htis guy :0

field mob-sick of being lonely: not my thing sorry ;-; i dont listen to lots of old school

gym class heroes-peace sign/index down: wow the hook is so catchy im downloading

cakes da killa-goodies goodies: i thought of killagramz lol but MAN hes so good WOW  def downloading

princess nokia-kitana: this is so raw i love it downloading SHES SO COOL LMAO

skee-lo-i wish; i know i said i dont listen to lots of old school but i really really liek this for some reason o_o downloaded

donald-be alone: already have. good shit

microdot- im yours: i had a hard time decidng whether to download.. the hook put me off for some reason

donutman- puff puff pass it: AHHHH i love this song i have it already in my yt playlist i wish it was on spotify

vida loca: have it :) good stuff

THANK YOU

send me music recs (pls)

[rookiewithachance]

tag gameeee

i was tagged by the ever so lovely @theyugiohtrashcan <3 A- age: 19! B- birthplace: fukin Florida C- current time: 11:55 D- drink you had last: water bb! I had to take my meds this morning lol E- easiest person to talk to: back atcha @theyugiohtrashcan​ F- favorite song: kdsjsalkdsga fuckin idk man. I love music. Probably something from Be More Chill or Hamilton right now. I’ll put it as a tie between Michael in the Bathroom, Two Player Game, One Last Time, and Wait For It bc i cant decide  G- grossest memory: yikes uh...... idk I tend to block out most of the gross things but I remember all too vividly when I got my wisdom teeth removed they gave me a pain medication that had sulfur in it, which I was allergic to but didn’t know?? So Kat was over keeping me company while I whined about my mouth hurting when I got really sick. Like, throwing up then sitting on the bathroom floor with a cool washcloth on your forehead waiting for the next wave to hit you level of sick. She was htg a real trooper and a sweet heart, and stayed with me until the worst of it passed, and I couldn’t sleep, eat, or take any pain medication for the next... idk like twelve hours or so??? while we waited for the stuff to get out of my system H- horror yes or horror no: No but lowkey a little yes. I’ve been watching less of it recently which helps my mental health but I still get that little thrill from horror even though it gives me nightmares and only feeds into my anxiety????? its a mess lol J- jealous of people: Ya dude. I’ve had a jealousy problem for years, that I think stems from my anxiety K- killed someone: it was the summer of 1963........................... L- love at first sight or should i walk by again?: Kat seems to have stolen my views on this: No, but I can be drawn to someone at first sight, usually because of what they’re doing or what they’re saying that I happen to overhear but I’m not really attracted to... looks?? If that makes sense?? I mean I have a “type” bc literally every girl i’ve dated has been kinda similar (primarily short and chubby.............. ehehe), but I won’t date someone or be attracted to them just because of that?? If that makes sense?? M- middle name: Ann. boring i know N- number of siblings: none bb oNLY CHILD SWAG O- one wish: uh?? i guess to not have to worry about money. while it would be nice to magically become neurotypical, i don’t feel like??? I would be the same person??? not that my mental illnesses are part of my personality, but they’ve taught me a lot and those lessons are a huge part of who i am today so.... yeah, probably the money thing. either always having enough money for what i need or just. living in a post-currency society. either is good P- person you called last: the last person who called me was my mother, but the last person I myself called.....? I think it was my manager Q- question you’re always asked: does Kelli is gay? or just stuff about my sexuality in general, especially being a gray ace lesbian. that confuses a lot of people in the south.......... part of the reason i’m going to college somewhere a little less southern tbh R- reason to smile: FUCKIN LIFE DUDE. LISTEN OK IM A PHILOSOPHY MAJOR AND I GET H*CKED UP ABOUT HTIS. LIFE IS A GODDAMN ANOMALY AND THERES NO REASON THAT ANY OF US SHOULD BE OR ARE HERE AND YET W E F U C K I N A R E. THATS SHITTIN AWESOME DUDE. IM HERE HAVIN A GOOD TIME WITH A GOOD FRIEND CHILLIN OUT AND WERE BOTH HERE AND ALIVE AND WE EXIST EXACTLY THE WAY WE ARE THAT HTATS HELLA GUYS S- song you sang last: ksjafldkjalksgje it was probably something Hamilton, Kat’s right. was it Take a Break??? probablu T- top 3 fictional characters: i cant choose........................ uhhh i guess Michael Mell from Be More Chill (Jeremy and Christine are close seconds, but i need my Nerdy Depressed Anxious Chubby Son) probably tops the charts right now, Humbee from MINIBOSS (an excellent comic on dA, i suggest it to everyone), aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Nightcrawler/Kurt Wagner from X-Men! U- underwear color: //has to check// ok yeah i was right, they’re blue with bright yellow lacey trim V- vacation: uh..........................??? im not sure what this question means, but Kat answered it like her ideal vacation so... idk probably going to a big city like NYC or Seattle (which is on my bucket list to visit) with money to throw around and just. go see shows and explore. W- when’s your birthday: June 15! It just happened lol X- x-rays: uhhhhhhhhhhh. the last one I had was earlier this year when I was really really sick and I had to get checked for pneumonia??? i didnt have pneumonia but i had strep that i didn’t take care of properly which could have turned into pneumonia but turned into bronchitis instead Y- your favorite food: fuckin. idk man. i like food. Z- zodiac sign: im a mf gemini

and can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i’ll tag @ifyoujustbelieveinme, @sorry--imfangirling, @sonofdysonsphere, @kaiju-genital-thunderstorm, @fangirltothefullest, @fanofallthingsadorkable, and @consistant-screaming-to-the-void! Plus anyone else who wants to do this, if you’re looking for a reason to do one of these, this is it!! IM TAGGING YOU BITCH, just put me as the person who tagged you bc i wanna see it :3

[hoetron]

okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

BASICS:

a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her

b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all

c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy

d. GENDER: cis female hooooh

e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)

TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y

2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted

3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. red

13. yellow

14. either black or lavendar,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing 

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room 

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find

35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)

37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall

41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to 

42. BLOODTYPE: shit  i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)

43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle 

45. ZODIAC: virgo

46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)

48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows

52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji

53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: OXYGEn

56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN

57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88  questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c

58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?

59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...

60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm

61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji ) 

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope 

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3 

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji

81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess

85. ANGELS: not really lmao

OTHER

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time

only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest

[theeternalsun]

VERY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY.

RULES. repost —— don’t reblog. tag ten people. TAGGED BY. @crownviper​ ( thank you <3 ) TAGGING. @uthnan @doomedfist @arsuledin @banalvhen @scoiakrol @poenitentium

BASICS.

FULL NAME: she gives none. Main verse: before joining Falon’din she was called Elgara’uthaan, which means eternal sun. Modern and all verses like it: Ehinonmen, a nigerian name which means ‘messenger of god’. NICKNAME/S: priestess, though I would not call it a nickname per se and more like a title which she has had many. AGE: Looks like she is in her mid 40ties. Main verse: late 8000. Modern and all verses like it: mid 40ties. BIRTHDAY:   Main verse: not even she knows, back in her day people did not celebrate birthdays. Modern and all verses like it: 28th of December ( the year depends on the verse ) ETHNIC GROUP: Main verse: Ancient Elvhen ( back then she would have been identified as a Western one and considering those lands were controlled by Elgar’nan, that would also be taken into account ). Modern and all verses like it: Yoruba. NATIONALITY: Main verse: Her land had no name and she refuses to use the modern name. Modern and all verses like it: Nigerian.

LANGUAGE/S:  Main verse: Common, Elvhen, Ancient Tevene Modern and all verses like it: English, Hausa, Yoruba and a small bit of portuguese.  SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  Hetero-flexible. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic ( this is so rare to happen in general but it’s even more towards women, so if there is even a word for that let me know rip ) RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Widow. CLASS: Low-class. HOMETOWN / AREA:  Main verse: Nowadays it would be called Seere in Rivain. Modern and all verses like it: Lagos. CURRENT HOME:  Main verse: different elvhen temples spread out across Thedas. Modern and all verses like it: New Orleans PROFESSION: General, priestess, just put whatever name she needs to be in order to get shit done here.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Black and extremely curly. EYES: Black ( boy don’t get me started on her eyes, I will never shut up ) NOSE: I don’t know how to describe noses rip. It’s scarred like most of her body really. FACE: Oval, though extremely sunken due to the years of abuse, self harm and lack of care towards her own self. LIPS: Full, all things considered, though nothing that you will see described as seductive. The skin is mostly broken either due to the scarring or the bite marks that have been left. Wounds from the cold and wind. COMPLEXION: She constantly looks like she is fighting some sort of illness, mostly due to how skinny she is. BLEMISHES: Nope. SCARS and TATTOOS: Her full body and face are covered in vallas’lin ( blood writing ) ( also here ), they once were all black with a few details of white and gold. Those same details are mostly gone, like most of the details in general on her vallas’lin. They resemble now random lines over her skin than anything else considering that her body is completely covered in scars. She doesn’t have a single piece of skin that is not torn either by her own hand or at the hand of others ( she does have 8000 years of experience in either war or fighting to survive in the streets ). She has three that she hides under golden bands ( on her neck and wrists ) which will never fully heal. On particularly ugly one going from her right temple down to her chin and circling her face. There are also multiple burn marks though they are very very old and barely noticeable. HEIGHT: 5′0″ / 150 centimeters. WEIGHT: she spends most of all o her current verses as underweight, regaining muscle and mass as they go. BUILD: After long stages of being locked up or sleeping her muscles have suffered with the inactivity and the abuse, she is incredibly skeletal and it’s something that still causes her skin to crawl. She had a very muscular build before all of the unfortunate events that followed the fall of the Elvhen empire and she aims to regain it. ALLERGIES: N/A. USUAL HAIRSTYLE: Depends, when her hair is long she either wears dreadlocks or thin braids, if the hair is short then it’s basically non-existent. USUAL EXPRESSION: Serious and quick to turn to snarky from its neutral tone ( with heavy tendencies to just roll her eyes ) USUAL CLOTHING: Unless sleeping ( which happens once in a blue moon ) she uses heavy armour beneath heavy robes ( or light ones, depending of the weather of the area around the temple that she is around ). No shoes unless it’s for an actual job ( like ambushes or actual pushes with armies. She is not stupid and she will not be caught dead fighting bare feet unless there’s a very good reason for it ). If she is a relaxed mood she might use clothing that is more traditional when it comes to rivaini clothing ( colourful, loose ) but those are very rare occasions and only reserved to people that spend some time in the temple and in festivities with her.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR/S: Failing her people again, loosing control of her own self, madness. ASPIRATION/S: *slams fists* BRING BACK THE ELVHEN GLORY. POSITIVE TRAITS: Loyal, caring, idealistic, too smart for her own good, a good listener. NEGATIVE TRAITS: She is....... well, no point in beating around the bush, racist as fuck towards humans most of the time, unless they show that they deserve her respect she is just very: well, you all are just not worth the air you are breathing. Zealot, bigot, violent when her buttons are even slightly pressed about certain subjects... MBTI: INTJ.    ZODIAC: Capricorn. TEMPERAMENT: Choleric. SOUL TYPE/S: The Warrior and The King. ( sorry for copy pasting but it is the same rip ) ANIMAL: Owl. VICE/S: Violence. FAITH:  Main verse: The elvhen religion towards the Creators. Modern and verses like it: always variations of it. GHOSTS? Yes. AFTERLIFE? Yes, but not quite like people think of it. REINCARNATION? Yes, but not quite like people think of it. ALIENS? shrugs off to infinity. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: To keep herself as far away from politics as possible. She doesn’t care as long as one does not dare to speak against the Gods. ECONOMIC PREFERENCE: Poverty when she was young, now she is lower class by choice. SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION: To keep herself as far away from politics as possible.x2 EDUCATION LEVEL:  In all verses she drops out of school ( or she never had it until she was an adult already ). Main verse: she only obtains formal education when she is a young adult after joining Falon’din’s temple. She still can’t read well, she was much better at physical classes and that was why she rose so quickly onto their military ranks. Modern and verses like it: Dropout, she is joined the army as soon as she could and it was then that she got more education.

FAMILY.

FATHER: Despite being caring he was very much so around her mother’s thumb. Dedicated to Elgar’nan more because of his wife’s desires than himself. Hardworking, she still remembers how his hands were completely torn from working in the fields and how he snuck some grapes for her before delivering them to the temples. She remembers his face clearly, especially his smile, that is the image that she holds onto considering that the last time that the priestess saw her father or mother they were both dead. He was hanged over a tree in front of her village alongside her mother after she was discovered to be one of Falon’din’s Generals. MOTHER: Strick and a fanatic, she is the reason why the priestess still knows all the prayers to Elgar’nan, why she participated in all the festivals in His honour and how she still could do all the dances with her eyes closed. Their relationship was extremely tense, the priests often accused her of stealing and the punishments were harsh. She denied that she was her daughter after Elgara ran from home at 8 years of age ( which is basically a baby in elvhen years really ). SIBLING/S: N/A. EXTENDED FAMILY: She didn’t have any, single daughter and disavowed when she was really, really young when she refused to join Elgar’nan’s temple and fled. NAME MEANING/S: already explained *finger guns* HISTORICAL CONNECTION: N/A.

FAVORITES.

BOOK: She has a very hard time reading, I doubt she would read much other than technical books related to fighting. MOVIE: Not really a movie person. 5 SONGS: All of them would be elvhen songs and prayer songs. DEITY: Falon’din. MONTH: She doesn’t care. SEASON: Summer. PLACE: Rivain. WEATHER: Blazing heat that leaves people wanting to have their heads down towards the floor. Give her incredibly uncomfortable summer. SOUND: Silence. SCENT/S: Spicy food, grapes, wild flowers. TASTE/S: *SLAMS FISTS* SPICY CHICKEN OR FISH. FEEL/S: Mindfulness and control over herself and others.  ANIMAL/S: Owls and ravens. NUMBER: ?? fuck your numbers. COLOR: Gold.

EXTRA.

TALENTS: Manipulating people into her little death cult. killing people, extracting information, mothering people ( or so I’ve heard ), terrifying people without even opening her mouth. Having a mad side eye glare. It’s a beautiful talent. BAD AT: Trying to explain how the elvhen slavery was different than the Tevinter one ( lol what is even htis??? comparing elves to humans?? ge - ge t out of my face u heathen ), remaining calm when anyone talks shit about the Twins and actually doesn’t lay off after she tries to explain the situation, knowing when to stop, resisting temptation when it comes to the people around her and what she should or should not keep them so closely. She does terrible and selfish choices even when she knows that things are going to end up badly. I MEAN, IF SHIT IS GOING TO END IN FIRE, FUCK IT AMIRITE. TURN-ONS: Having the ability to kick ass, age ( yes, she really just.... most of you are kiddies but if at least some of you look like you have passed your first century then it might be acceptable. Maybe ), experience, ability to defend one self and others, courage, dutifulness. jUST if you have ever lead a successful battle she is probably: what a wonderful being right here *good shit meme right here* TURN-OFFS: I will never leave this place *stares at the sun* She hates smartmouthed humans, people that make themselves be scarier or more powerful than they are, people that think that being in a war and being edgy just to look cool, being from Tevinter in general, talking shit about religion or beliefs even if it’s not her own ( though her own will probably get you a punch ). A lot of complaining a little doing. The list is long..... HOBBIES: Drawing and kick people’s butts. TROPES: this would probably be a good time to say that I don’t watch series and that I have never..... really..... went into tropes so I have..... no idea. AESTHETIC TAGS: you’ll no longer fear when your heart’s turned to gold ( about )

FC INFO.

MAIN FC/S: Tracy Ifeachor. ALT FC/S: Maria Borges, Julia Noni, Grace Bol. OLDER FC/S: She doesn’t age :’) and I don’t think she will reach old age rip. YOUNGER FC/S: Little Simz. VOICE CLAIM/S: Ahh I don’t know, I never thought about this! GENDERBENT FC/S: Nope.

[bicalc]

I understand why some music teachers push hard for this idea that if you want to improve, you should repeat the same song like fifty times. I did htis. I lit played one song for an entire year. Guess what. Still sounded like crap. It's probably because i practiced crappily though. But honestly? The more i think about it, the less i like this teaching method, or just practicing method. If you want to get good at art, you would paint what you want on a daily basis. If it's a cactus one day and a girl another, then that's fine. But just drawing a cactus every day is a little repetitive and boring, and can quickly make u lose your interest. So, i guess my advice for musicians (and artists) is to play what u want that day. Do your best at learning a piece you would enjoy playing. Keep doing your best on things you want to do and soon enough you'll become like, good. At least, that's what happened w my art. Also this is coming from someone with multiple years worth of experience in both art and music.

[insideoutsock]

My 365 favourite albums

199. Ruru (Isaac Russell) – Elizabeth (self-released, 2008)

Listen if you like: singersongwriters

Okay, the Listen if you like-reference is kind of vague. This album has a story apparently. When Isaac Russell was 12 years old he lost his mother, who died from cancer. The guy then started writing songs, and self-released this amazing album called Elizabeth when he was sixteen. I wish I could’ve written these kind of songs at that age (at htis age as well). The thing, the charm of that album was that it was lo-fi, not smoothly produced. Then Isaac started pursuing a music career, even got signed by Columbia, but as far as I can tell, he never released anything else. He’s still performing though. The YouTube-link I posted up here, is a newly recorded version of a song that was on ‘Elizabeth’. It’s not as good as the original version, but then you get an idea. He’s talented, and I hope he’ll find his original drive back one day, recording an outstanding album.