#hsh au

[clairiko]

Spoilers for @st0rmyskies HSH: The Brave

ok this chapter was devastating but I couldn't help but love this imagery 😮‍💨 very kdrama, champion

my heart has been ripped out;; tysm for the update im gonna go cry over them

[miniscrew-anon]

The Schlong

I'm back! And man do I hate doing the texting format. It never looks right to me. So why I chose to do this whole thing as a text fic is a mystery to me. Sorry if it's unreadable. Cut for length and also for mentions of schlong

---

Wild [4:52] : NOOOOO 😭😭😭😭

Twilight [4:52]: what happened????

Wild [4:52] : MY S

Wild [4:52] : MY SCHLONG 

Four [4:53] : ??

Four [4:53] : oh

Warriors [4:53] : NOT YOUR SCHLONG

Sky [4:53] : THE SCHLONGGGGG

Four [4:53] : what happened to it?

Legend [4:54] : ??? tf

Legend [4:54] : it was fine 

Legend [4:54] : last I saw it

Legend [4:54] : did you lose it?

Wild [4:54] : IT GOT NOMMED

Four [4:55] : ?????

Wild [4:55] : BITED

Legend [4:55] : wut

Wild [4:55] : a whole three fourths got mmmmnnned

Sky [5:02 ]: tragic

Legend [5:03] : rip schlong i guess

Warriors [5:05] : who tf is out here swallowing inches of Schlong

Wild [5:05] : they did it raw too

Warriors [5:05] : ????

Sky [5:06] : ????

Four [5:07] : i need you to explain yourself

Four [5:08] : Wild come back

Warriors [5:08] : Wild

Warriors [5:09] : explain yourself

Wild [5:10] : just straight bites

Wild [5:10] : teeths marks and everting

Sky [5:10] : not even preparing it?? 

Wild [5:10] : no

Four [5:10] : nothing even on it???

Wild [5:10] : plain schlong

Wild [5:12] : which is like fine but like fr we got stuff to put on it 

Wild [5:12] : just in the drawers

Wild [5:12] : nothing you even need to mix or whatever 

Wild [5:12] : just weird to take a bite without even anything tasty on it

Wild [5:12] : waste of a schlong

Wild [5:12] : could have been a vehicle for tasty idk 

Wild [5:13] : im not schlong shaming or anything tho

Warriors [5:13] : I’ll schlong shame

Warriors [5:13] : who tf is raw dogging it out here? 

Sky [5:13] : Speak now or be known as the secret schlong shlurper 🥵

Legend [5:14] : not me

Four [5:16] : or me

Wild [5:16] : or me

Wild [5:16] : i think?

Sky [5:16] : Well its not me

Sky [5:17] : I would never do schlong plain

Sky [5:17] : need smth on it 🧂🧂

Four [5:24] : guys

Four [5:24] : Twi’s been really quiet

Legend [5:25] : Twi

Sky [5:25] : Twi

Warriors [5:25] : Twi

Twilight [5:26] : I

Twilight [5:26] : am sorry

Twilight [5:26] : it was me

Four [5:27] : ☹️

Twilight [5:28] : I didn't know it was yours Wild

Sky [5:28]: ☹️

Warriors [5:28] : ☹️

Twilight [5:28] : I didnt know it was special

Legend [5:28] : ☹️

Wild [5:31] : bro

Wild [5:31] : you ate my Schlong

Wild [5:31] : ☹️

Twilight [5:31] : I DIDNT KNOWWWWW 😫

Wind [5:31] : can you guys fucking stop putting your weird kink shit in the group chat?

Warriors [5:32] : virgin core

Wind [5:32] : FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

Wind left the chat

Hyrule [5:43] : guys

Hyrule [5:43] : dw

Hyrule [5:43] : I can bring another 

Wild [5:44] : RULE! 🙌

Sky [5:45] : our hero! 🙌

Hyrule [5:56] : what size

Warriors [5:57] : big obv 

Warriors [5:57] : got a size queen over here 🍆🥴

Wild [5:59] : thiccccc

Wild [5:59] : super important

Wild [6:00] : need it for tonight

Wild [6:00] : gonna be crazy tonight guys 😜😜😜

Wild [6:00] : got plans for everyone here

Sky [6:04] : 👀

Legend [6:04] : 👀

Warriors [6:04] : 👁️👅👁️

Four [6:05] : get a long schlong

Four [6:06] : so twi can have extra

Four [6:06] : Maybe just get two

Sky [6:18] : Long Schlong 🫦

Warriors [6:18] : Long Schlong 😮‍💨

Hyrule [6:31] : be home soon

Legend [6:31] : 👍

—--

Time stares at his phone screen. Then looks down at his plate. 

An innocent cucumber salad stares back at him. 

He breathes out harshly through his nose and rubs the bridge of his nose harshly, rubbing at the tension headache that’d built up ever since his phone started vibrating incessantly during his last meeting of the day with diplomats from the Rito. 

“Why are all of you like this-?”

----

[fountainpenguin]

Just heard a song that might be the exact missing piece in the plot of a Marcus-centric AU story I’ve been itching to write, so I’m happy :)

[vicmillen]

Half written scene I may or may not use, of Sky being a little shit:

:Wait Sky? You definitely don't like the kind that would get arrested, what's the charge?

Sky, smiling serenely: Well, just a little bit of property damage.

Warriors, who Knows: *choking violently on his drink*

Sky, ignoring Wars: The owner of a establishment is not happy of what I dropped on them so they called the guards.

Wars barely catching his breath, horrified Sky will just share that kind of information: Sky I really don't think--

Sky, talking over wars: Anyway as compensation I have to work part-time for Lumpy Pumpkin until I can pay off their chandelier. *Pats Wars' back absentmindedly* You need to be more careful with your drink, captain.

Warriors: *unbelievably stunned silence*

Warriors: Sometimes I forget how much of a little shit you are.

Context of the setting: While the lumpy pumpkin incident is true, sky also got arrested for dropping the entire sky keep onto the temple grounds below...

Bonus:

Sky: If I got a rupee each time I got arrested for dropping things, I'll have two. Not a lot but still funny it happened twice.

Warriors: *wheezing*

[idiotchampignon]

‼️🫀🫁🦴‼️

i love this guy

AU belong to tofuluuu on tiktok

[katkalis-the-horror-fanartist]

Your Home Safety Hotline AU(?) seems cool! What more do you have on it?

OH! Uh if I could remember what I already said...something something fae moves to surface, becomes partners with a boggart, shenanigans with entities shown in the game...I'm not sure what else to say besides that because that's as general as it can get!

Ofc all the scalenarios I imagine that I havent drawn...uh..

She goes to some hsh employees for advice sometimes since she used to work there as a researcher of supernatural creatures...or maybe she STILL works there idk I'm still thinking about that part

I'd be better off answering specific questions and hypotheticals tbh!

[silverorchideon]

(Part of HSH AU)

Tthjjiisss ssii thxe prmrrvis phhrssoohhn wkth yyyyoooorrr jjjoobbb

Tttuuurrrnn bacckk noew

Gods- how did you get out of the jar, little guy?

Don't worry about this endermite, don't kill it either. I have it covered. Continue on, answering those questions.

As for you...

[ethel-stuff]

speed ran this one lmao anyways, heres the AU boi :]

[i-am-a-hat]

I like Wild in a crop top 👌

[miniscrew-anon]

hwehwehwehwehwe spooder

——

“Do you want me to leave and never come back? Is that what you want, huh? To be alone with that freak of nature instead of me?”

“You’re the only freak of nature here.” Four answered bluntly, eyes never straying from his work. He was very pointedly ignoring Shadow’s usual dramatics. Which Shadow would normally not mind. That was kind of their thing.

Except this time his drama is completely justifiable and not at all exaggerated.

Because there is a spider on the ceiling.

Shadow scowls from the other side of the garage, eyes flickering up and down between Four and their eight-legged company, barely able to risk looking away lest the creature make a run for it. “You meant to tell me that thing is normal? It’s huge! It’s big enough to eat you! Which, granted, isn’t saying much-“

“It’s a normal, non-venomous species native to this region.” Four gives him the stink-eye. “You just haven’t seen any because you don’t go outside-“

“Are you saying I don’t touch grass?”

“-and these types don’t normally live inside houses because they’re too big to fit through the normal small cracks and openings.”

Shadow blinks at him. “Okay, do you not hear how terrifying that is? These guys don’t normally live inside because they’re too big?? Are you trying to convince me turn to burn the house down? Did you get put on the insurance policy or something?”

“I’m pretty sure deliberate arson voids most home insurance policies.”

“I wouldn’t put it past your landlord to have special insurance. He seems like the kinda guy who someone would love to set on fire.” Shadow responds. His neck isn’t starting to develop a crick because he won’t look away from the monstrosity above them. “Would you just kill it already? Or move and let me do it?”

There’s gotta be a long distance weapon he can use somewhere around here; a can of Raid, or a shotgun.

Four just calmly blows from wood shavings off his latest project. “No. I’m not letting you climb on my desk. Leave it alone. It’s just a spider.”

“It’s a pest!”

“No, you’re a pest.” Four corrects. “Just ignore it. It’s a good bug.”

Shadow scoffs. “There’s no such thing as a ‘good bug’. That’s a lie spread by Big Bug. They’re all gross and ugly and need to get wiped from Farore's green earth. How can you just sit there while that thing is right above your head?! What if it falls on your head? Or you get stuck in its web?”

The spider was scarily large, thick and spindly and terrifying. And it has made its home in the rafters of the garage, directly above Four’s workbench where Shadow would normally loiter. But with the danger of a dangling creepy crawly, Shadow won’t even cross the room.

That little fucker is taking his spot.

“Good bugs do exist. They act as a natural population control to other bugs that are much more annoying-” Four gives Shadow a very pointed look, who responds with a Who? Moi? “-And the spider isn’t going to come down. It’s comfortable where it is. Just pretend it’s not there.”

“But I know it’s there! I can’t not look! What if it moves?” Shadow laments.

“Oh no. The horror.”

Shadow grumbles. Clearly he wasn’t going to find any sympathy here.

Logically he knows Four’s right - that creepy crawly wasn’t going to be moving. He should be fine to approach. So he swallows his fear and creeps forward, doing his best to ignore the menace above his head. He nearly gets within arms reach of Four’s table when paranoia shoots down his spine.

“Nope!” Shadow leaps back, He looks up - phew, still there and not dangling an inch above his head. “No no Nope. Fuck this. I can’t do it. I’ll be in your room. Call me after you squish that fucking thing.”

Four watches Shadow slink you the stairs, dejected that his nonsense was stopped before it even began. He glances upward to his eight-legged roommate, who was so innocently waiting for his next meal.

Pest control indeed.

——

Which Links are unbothered by bugs and which ones scream for another Link to come save them?

~🐹

Time - Dislikes spiders for the fact that they'll catch fairies in their webs. Kills on sight, no mercy.

Twilight - Twi is team "gently scoop into a cup and place back outside." Farm living has desensitized him to all things creepy and crawl-ey. He definitely ate a bug on a dare when he was a kid and promptly got an upset stomach.

Wild - Shrieks for someone, anyone to come take care of whatever creeper has entered his bedroom.

Champion - Could not be bothered less. Will coexist with spiders without blinking an eye. The world is full of much more horrific horrors.

Warriors - Nope. No. N- fuck, no. He will give all bugs a wide berth as he sneaks around them in the bathroom to grab his hair straightener/dryer/towel and call for Sky immediately.

Sky - He was the most adorable awkward terrible-at-catching-bugs bug catcher as a kid. He'd run in circles swatting that net around and catching fuck-all. He's also not terribly good at it as an adult; he'll come in with a shoe or a swatter and usually miss by a mile while the bug toddles off in the opposite direction, setting his terrified roommate screaming while he's red-faced and trying to squish the damn thing eighty times. (Unless Twi comes in to intervene.)

Four - Sees no difference between his two-legged and eight-legged roommates. So long as the spiders stay out of his work and out of his hair, he's chill. They keep the flies down when he's got the garage door open.

Legend - Gets quietly creeped out by things that creep and crawl. He'll stare and be avoidant, but he will do his best not to squish. Not unless they touch him. Then it's no holds barred.

Hyrule - No surprise that our fastidious little doctor abhors all things buggy. He'll quietly come find someone braver than himself to take care of the six- or eight-legged menace. During a demonstration of medical leeches he once nearly fainted.

Wind - You'll know he's located a bug in his room by the war cry. He usually chooses something large and unwieldy to squish with - gods forbid he dirties a sneaker - and you can hear him smashing that metal trash can or discarded box all over his room in epic futility.

Dark - Who else is he going to talk to on those long, lonely nights? He had a spider for a cellmate and talking to it helped Dark keep his grip on sanity while he was in solitary. Judges people who squish spiders.

Shadow - NOOOOOOOONONononononono. He's one of the only civilized Links-adjacent who has bug baits in his apartment to keep them out. If he sees a spider it's squish-spray-sanitize in less than a minute. Shadow may be a skrunkle but he is fastidious.

Ravio - His shriek can shatter glass.

[bananafire11]

Apocalypse au shit, i havent touched this au in forever

[miniscrew-anon]

To: T.Link.98@hymail.com Subject: My bath bombs require a minimum temperature of 102 degrees to properly break down Dear Sir Link of Kokiri Forest, This is your tenant in Bedroom#3. I am writing to inform you of a serious issue regarding the usability of house amenities. ---- AKA Warriors is Times tenant.

[fountainpenguin]

Trying to find the Marcus & Antony Wells relationship tag? First you must pass through the gauntlet of Marcus Antonius | Mark Antony.

[vicmillen]

So I'm at Ikea for the free refill coffee, and got thinking about the home sweet home boys...

Somehow either Wild or Four got hold on one of those automatic Expresso machines, the kind that is usually way too expansive for a household. It's a second hand thing they got basically free from their work, whatever that is. After they fixed it up, it becomes a permanent fixture in the townhouse kitchen.

It's great, and with nine(sometimes more) people around, the machine is actually greatly appreciated. The thing is, it's a old machine, and for some reason only the first two or three cups after it's cleaned are good, what comes after is always slightly burnt. Which always leads to a fight between the Links in the morning. Occasionally drawing blood even.

Some other thoughts on each Link's reaction:

Wild does the cleaning of the machine after breakfast and dinner, and frankly doesn't care about the burnt aftertaste. If it gets too acidic he'll add salt to his cup, to the horror of the rest of the boys (with the exception of Time, who approves)

Time usually gets a reserved best cup, if he arrives before Warriors. Granted, he usually does, just Warriors is the only one that'll shamelessly claim his cup.

Yes Warriors prefer tea. Yes he'll steal Time's coffee whenever he can. To assert dominance, or just to be petty.

Hyrule actually thinks the unburnt coffee taste weird. Blame all the cafeteria and hospital coffee that runs in his blood by now.

Legend will take a good cup if it's available, but if he can't he'll prefer his tea.

Wind is the main force in fighting anyone else for the unburnt coffee, being the secret coffee snob in the house hold.

Twilight will make a active effort to get the good cup, but usually won't resolve to violence like Wind. Unless Wind started it, in which case all things goes.

Four's taste in coffee depends on his mood, the day of the week, and the phase of the moon. Sometimes he brew his own battery acid coffee in the garage, sometimes he fight for the nice cup with more violence than Wind.

Sky, well. He usually takes whatever is available when he wakes up. On a good day the taste won't even register until his second cup. On a bad day, well.

[carlarosenakilah]

"Oh, who is she?"

@askcupsandcasinos / @lilluciferau

[mildlymoistq-tips]

I WILL FIGURE YOU OUT. JUST YOU WAIT/J

Sure has been awhile!! I'd say you deserve a treat for hanging on for this long! Good job, you! Keep on waiting. I promise it's worth it !! : )

(ooc sorry for the little progress we've been silly about many many things as of late and HSH isn't the only thing on the table!! Made this a bit back but I felt it was right to release it now :) )

WE HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT HSH we're just focused on other things as of late-

but trust me! it'll be back soon enough. just uh. technical difficulties, you know?