#I didnt expect the end results-

[carlarosenakilah]

"Oh, who is she?"

@askcupsandcasinos / @lilluciferau

[wingsofhcpe]

the ATLA live action series is... actually very good??? I really didn't expect that.

(spoilers in the tags- beware!)

[bacchuschucklefuck]

Actually going feral over your artstyle, it so prettyyy

It looks edible to me <3

-Death Anon

hey thanks! feel free to try

[chiisana-lion]

if i was as driven in school or literally anything else as i am when it comes to making art of the same characters over and over everything would be so much easier. but well we can't all be perfect

[floralovebot]

NEW BLORBO ALERTTTT

[aria0fgold]

Honestly, for all that the Sokushi Cheat anime is REAAAALLY HORRIBLY TERRIBLE, it actually humbled me so like there's that One good thing it did for me. It cemented the: "anime adaptations doesn't need to have a 1:1 accuracy to the source material and that's okay, mostly" to me cuz Sokushi Cheat anime is just soooo bad, it brought my expectations six feet under the crust of the Earth. Which is good cuz no matter how I think about it, unless the studio wanna skin all the characters alive and paste into some fake skin on their bodies to compensate, then technically any anime is as good enough as can be to me.

[collecting--stardust]

Just watched moto2 and CELESTINO THE SEXY MAN YOU ARE

[emotargaryen]

i constantly think about the "damn y'all cant do shit" tweets on stuff about adhd and i always laugh at them but its also true i literally cant do anything without issues 😭

[cy-cyborg]

So, there's a lot I want to say about the paralypics, but every time I try I just... can't articulate what I want to say without it turning into a monster of a post that puts my writing advice posts to shame lol. This includes in response to the anonymous asks I got on the topic btw. So I'm going to try and summarise my thoughts here.

As someone who was working towards the Rio paralympics - who was basically one of the people they were actively training to be the next paralympians and who got to go if their choice first athletes had to drop out, the Olympics and paralympics are a... touchy subject for me. I loved playing. I loved my sport. I loved the people I played with. I loved the people I played against. But the way the public and people in power treats disabled athletes sucks. It Really really sucks. and it hurts to talk about.

The vast, vast majority of us aren't paid. We are expected to train at the same intensity as the Olympians with none of the breaks and none of the support to do so, resulting in injuries that are disabling in and of themselves, while juggling normal jobs. many of the paralympians are also in school or at university as well. both schools and jobs see these elite athletes as dedicated hobbiests at best.

I had a friend who were fired from their job because they were denied time off to compete at the paralypics and well, if i had to choose between the paralympics or stay at a shit job paying minimum wage, I know which one I'd pick, and so she didnt have a job when she came back. I have friends who are still in the closet because their sponsors would drop them if they came out as gay, who ended years-long relationships to keep the funding that allowed them and their teams to compete - funding that just covered the costs of travel by the way. They never saw a cent of it themselves, but it was the difference between us having to pay $50 each for our plane tickets and accommodation and having to pay $2,000Aud + for every away game. I have friends who were supposed to go to Tokeyo but were kicked off the teams weeks before the games because of a rule change that decided they weren't disabled enough anymore, wasting years of work with absolutely no warning. They weren't even given the decency of an appology from the people who made the call. Several went through terrifying mental health spirals over it. It was their life's work, gone. I saw so many friends just give up because their disabilities were "too hard to classify" into the International Paralympic Commity's boxes and who were made to feel they weren't welcome by the system spouting off about its diversity and inclusion and empowerment of disabled people.

And then with all that, the best we can hope for is for the social media teams to turn us into a joke for ableds to laugh at or into inspiration porn to make them feel good about themselves - because at least theyre not us. Because obviously, there are no other options in how to show us/sarcasm.

My phone doesn't even have "paralympics" as a recognised word. I have a Samsung. The company that is currently at the paralympics using them as a marketing opertunity. We aren't even recognised as a word in the phones made by the company that is currently using the paralympics as a marketing opportunity. The phones they're giving the athletes won't even recognise the name of the event that they got it at. If I've spelt it wrong, it's because it autocorrects it every time I try to spell it right, and im dyslexic and can't see the difference until I stare at it for a minute or so.

I just... this isn't even scratching the surface of my thoughts. But I wanted to say at least some of it. It will be the last I'm going to talk about it, at least until the event is over.

[semperreformanda]

i am OBSESSED !!! i had zero idea about specific brushes achieving specific things, no clue on techniques, and youtube has been so helpful. i've done three small paintings so far this week all during the little one's nap time and it's been SOOO fun.

i've run out of white paint so idk if i'm gonna get to paint tomorrow. i ordered on amazon already but since guam is an isolated island in the middle of nowhere the soonest it'll arrive is probably next week. might try to hit up a local store i guess

my husband bought me acrylic paint and a few small canvases so I can try and paint 🥹

I’ve been meaning to start and plan to do it around the little one’s nap time (he usually dozes for at least an hour and a half) but I’ve been swimming in chores/other tasks that I haven’t done it yet

maybe it’ll be fun and great !!! maybe I will want to gouge out my eye !!! either way I’m excited to finally start a new hobby

[mythalism]

i feel like all of my pondering and analyzing and criticizing veilguard over the past few months has actually truly given me a better understanding of what dragon age meant to me, what about it specifically was so meaningful, and why, as a result, veilguard felt so wrong. it took a while for me to figure it out. about three full months of relentless essay writing, actually. but i think if you had asked me a few years ago what the core of my love for dragon age was, whatever answer i gave would not have truly gotten to the root of it, because i think i had to experience the disappointment of veilguard to fully understand why i love dragon age. and ive realized that core is that i loved how the previous dragon age entries demand so much of the player, and deliberately prompt introspection and critical, often political, thought.

dragon age games have historically forced the player to be self-reflective and introspective about their worldview and beliefs. solas is obviously a fantastic example, as he was deliberately written to be a reflection of the player in order to prompt them to reflect on how they treat people, how our expectations of people influence their behavior, and how people are pushed to extremes and turned into monsters or saved by love and kindness. how do people become monsters? what drives them to blow up buildings or start rebellions or destroy the world as you know it? are they right or wrong? does it even matter? how did you contribute to this? are you innocent? it puts these insane, politically and morally charged situations in your face and forces you to confront them. slavery, a refugee crisis, poverty, class disparities, racism, foreign occupation, the list goes on, and you are not given the option to look away or be a bystander. you have to ACT. you have to choose, you have to make judgements, you have to take responsibility and explore your role in this world as someone with the capacity to act upon it, to make your will a reality, to fail, to make mistakes. i honestly can't think of any other video game that does this to the same extent? nor any media at all because the act of being IN the world as one of it's people through the act of role-playing is essential to how it provokes this experience in the player. its ballsy. they deliberately try to make you uncomfortable. these games are full of liars, deceivers, betrayers. the games themselves lie to you. its character try to deceive you. did you catch it? or were you fooled? what else might you be fooled by? who else might be lying to you? in the game? in real life? and then you get to play it again knowing the end, and what the game prompts changes with your new knowledge. now it asks, do you forgive them? what makes someone worthy of forgiveness? where do you draw the line? what do you think?

i dont think i realized until recently how impactful this was for me considering how i first got into dragon age at 16 years old. i dont think i had experienced anything up to that point that would put a situation like judging a war criminal who ordered the deaths of children or another war criminal who just left me to die and orchestrated a near-coup or a traumatized terrorist who just blew up a church right in my face, and said MAKE A DECISION. and i didnt know it at the time, but looking back i can see how valuable it was for me at that age to have what was effectively an avenue of exploration and self-expression of all of these moral and political issues that i was grappling with as a young adult. i played inquisition for the first time just months before i voted in my first presidential primary. i already had a political consciousness at this point, but it was nonetheless new and vulnerable and still blossoming into something more concrete. inquisition, then, almost provided a sort of political, moral and personal sandbox for me from ages 16-20 to better help me understand myself in relation to the world. the RPG-ness allowed me to put myself into these situations - like the mage-templar war and its metaphor for mass incarceration and police brutality - while i was also simultaneously grappling with and trying to understand these issues in real life. having dragon age to help me further unpack my own beliefs and conception of these issues was undeniably impactful. it provided a space, through a narrative i enjoyed and cared about, to make choices and judgement calls and better understand who i was, and what felt right to me. it asked, "what do you think?"

veilguard lacks this. completely. and lets be clear that the previous games did not always do a perfect job. many of these depictions are messy and harmful and problematic, but they at least, by extension of their own existence in a narrative that forces you to THINK and JUDGE and DECIDE, give me the space and opportunity to judge them as messy, as problematic, as harmful. i can confidently say that i think da2 is too sympathetic to the templars as an organization because the fact that da2 presents me with so many narrative conflicts regarding the templar organization allows me to not just make in-game decisions and play as a staunch advocate for mage freedom and circle abolition, but to form opinions on the game itself by extension. i can confidently say that i believe the qunari's portrayal is islamophobic because the game has prompted me so many times; what do i think about the qunari? what do i think about the oppression of the elves? what do i think about dorian being a seemingly good person but defending the practice of slavery? who should rule orzammar; the progressive asshole or the conservative traditionalist? do i forgive loghain? do i forgive anders? do i forgive solas? this in-world critical thinking about issues in thedas leads to meta critical thinking. further questions naturally follow -> what message did the writers intend to send through anders? how can i notice the echoes of how this story came into fruition in the shadow of 9/11? what do solas's endings tell me about the writers view of retributive punishment? how is bioware's portrayal of the dalish, as inspired by indigenous north americans, reflective of deep-seated anti-indigenous canadian sentiment? why did the writers stop prompting these hard questions at all in veilguard? did they only like it when it was about characters, not when it led to critical thinking about them and the company as a whole? through these processes of in-world interrogation, i am inevitably invited to analyze the effectiveness of their narrative portrayals and the writing itself. perhaps this is why dragon age is so famous for its discourse lol.

ive said before that im not sure that veilguard could ever have been as impactful for me as the previous games, partly because when you are 16 everything is more impactful because your brain is an eager sponge, unless it did something that really resonated with me as an adult. but what it should have been, at the very least, is something that could have been as impactful and formative on a current 16 year old that sees a gif on tumblr and decides to check out the game, as inquisition was to me 10 years ago. and im sure there are teenagers and younger adults out there playing this game and loving it and loving the characters and the world and thinking its great, good fun. thats great. however it fundamentally cannot have the same profound, developmentally catalytic experience it had on me because it simply does not challenge the player. it does not prompt them to question their own beliefs and the power structures within their lives. it does not prompt them to reflect on the political narratives they may have been fed all their lives. it does not confront them with the sorts of topics that get books on banned lists in florida and force them to bear witness, to think deeper, to feel guilt or horror at the outcome of your own poorly-made decision, to make moral judgements, to make mistakes, and to live with the consequences.

i think i now understand why veilguard was so disappointing to me and ultimately would be a failure in my eyes no matter if i enjoyed the combat or the exploration or whatever other shiny coat of paint sits atop it. veilguard does not ask much of you. it does not prompt any sort of introspection or interrogation of your presently held beliefs. it does not demand anything from the player except to dodge at the right moment. this is a fundamental, core departure from what made me fall in love with dragon age in the first place. if you love dragon age because you want "fantasy escapism" and fun characters to smooch, then i am happy for you. but i would remind you that can find fantasy escapism all over the steam library - farming sims, cozy games, a witch looking for her cat in the alps, etc. what you cannot find are games that are willing and brave enough to challenge and provoke the player into a better, more thorough understanding of themselves in relation to our world and it's many, complex and daunting political and moral issues. to have lost such a thing, when media like this has become so few and far between, and during a time when we need it more than ever, is a devastating loss.

[pupuyvs]

Autumn Leaves

pairing: daniela avazini x fem!reader

wc: 18k+

req: yes

warnings: angst, fluff, no happy ending, blood, mentions of throwing up, medical stuff, major character death

a/n: here is the long awaited dani angst!! tbh this was actually not the first idea, that idea will come out eventually but i want to do it on my own time. also this heavily inspired by mr. plankton, great kdrama yall should watch!! anyways enjoy and feel free to cuss me out in my comments or inbox :D (also if u see any typos no u didnt.)

The white noise machine whirs loudly as it attempts to drown out the noise in and out of the office. It fails as the ticking of the clock on the wall practically fights against it. You scratch at the seam line of your jeans coinciding each scratch with the tick of the clock. By the fifth tick a pain courses through your brain settling itself at the back of your head. Your fingers pause its picking before making its way to the nape of your neck where it tangles itself into your hair.

Your hand slowly pulls as you try to offset the constant ache with a new sudden one. You’re disrupted by the other door in the office opening, it closing again when the person steps in. The doctor stands behind his desk, pulling his chair out as he sits down, the creak when he sits makes you wince.

He offers you a small smile as he smooths out the manila folder, a nervous tick you presume. “I’m Dr. Harrison. Do you know what brought you here?”

“Umm..” You trail off, exhaling as you try to rack through your memory. You shake your head as you realize you have no memory of the day. “The last I remember I was standing in line to pick up breakfast for me and my friend and then I was in the hospital being told to come here.”

The doctor nods before sighing softly. “You fainted. You were sent here because of your MRI results.”

You nod slowly before lifting an eyebrow slightly, laughing a bit. “MRI? Isn’t that the brain scan thingy? Seems a bit too serious for a simple fainting, I mean don’t you guys usually just give someone crackers and water before sending them on their way?”

“Usually that’s after the scan. It’s standard protocol for a fainting accident after all fainting could be an indication of something more serious.”

Nodding you fidget slightly in your chair. “Well I’m ready for my water and crackers.” The words don’t make the man laugh, instead he offers you a somber frown. He opens up the manila folder pulling out what seemed to be a x-ray scan. A light turns on, the small x-ray board on his desk gaining your attention. He places the scan on it and looks at you. Your brows furrow as you lean forward trying to decipher what you were looking at, drawing a blank, you turn to him. “What is this?”

He releases a soft sigh, a grimace overtaking his features and you can practically see the pity in his eyes. He leans forward, a pen in his hand as he points to one of the many white clumps on the scan. “When we scanned your brain we found these clumps, eight to be exact. These clumps are your brain cells essentially tangling with each other, view them as rubber bands around a watermelon, the more they tangle the greater the pressure until they ultimately burst.”

The doctor continues talking but it grows muffled, nausea rising in you as you begin to fidget in the chair. Your hands shake as you rub them against your thighs, the material of your jeans rough against them. You attempt to catch the breath that seems to want to escape you. Bringing your hand up you rub your thumb knuckle against your eyebrow, a habit you’ve had for years.

“How long?”

It’s clear he wasn’t expecting the interruption as he clears his throat. “Two months.”

Your heart drops.

“Two months?”

“If I’m being optimistic, yes.”

It grows silent due to his words, you bury your face in your hands as you nod into them. You drag them down your face and breathe out to calm yourself. “Is there anything we can do?” Your words come out muffled due to your hands, but the doctor still hears you as he shakes his head.

“Sadly nothing. The best I can do is give you some medicine to ease any pain that will arise.” A tear makes its way down your face, its path cut off by your fingers. The man offers you another small smile as he pushes his chair back, pulling some things out of a drawer. He closes the drawer and pulls himself back into the desk, the creak of the chair sending a pang of pain to your head. You watch as he writes on a paper, sliding it over to you you can see it’s your prescription. Your hands shake as you grab it, as you pick it up you notice a pamphlet under it.

Looking up at him you tilt your head in confusion.

“It’s a pamphlet detailing our end of life program here at the hospital. Nothing has to be decided now of course, but just for your consideration.” You can’t help the scoff that slips out of you, stuffing the script in your pocket you stand abruptly.

“Am I free to go?” The man nods and you don’t give him a chance to speak once more, making sure to leave the pamphlet on purpose.

It’s raining when you get outside and it takes everything in you to not go back into the hospital and cuss them out for bringing you to a hospital twenty minutes away from the cafe, but you decide to not test your already poor luck. It takes you about an hour to make it to the cafe, having to stop to take shelter under a store’s doorway, you release a sigh when you notice that you at least had remembered to keep the top on. Though your gratitude would prove to be fruitless as you yourself are soaked. You wince as you sit down, the leather uncomfortable against your wet skin.

It takes you another hour to get home, stopping to grab your new medicine and food that you knew you would be asked for once you got home. Opening the front door to the studio apartment you are greeted with harsh clicking and curses. The scene isn’t uncommon to you, a smile making its way to your face as you take off your shoes and hear the banging of a desk. Shutting the door softly you walk deeper into the space pausing as you watch Yoonchae play a game.

You met, or really found, Yoonchae when she was only fifteen. Your office had been broken into, when you found her she wasn’t attempting to rob you, but instead just eating the food you had stored there. The sight of her reminded you of well, you. She was terrified when she caught sight of you, begging you to not call the police. After reassuring her, you sat her down and talked to her, it was then you found out she was an orphan and was living on the streets. It didn’t take a lot for you to decide to take her in, offering her not only a home but a job working with you and your vaguely illicit business.

That was two long years ago, and she had become a sister to you. Your heart aches at the realization that soon you would have to leave her. A lump forms in your throat at the thought of not being there for her, your only comfort being she would turn eighteen before you go, ensuring that she wouldn’t have to worry about social workers or anything of the sort. You’re pulled from your thoughts from a sudden shout, shaking your head at the foreign language that spills from her lips.

You approach her as quietly as possible, waiting until it seems something important is happening on the screen before placing the bag of food in her line of sight. She shrieks before hitting your hand to get you to move. You laugh as she panics, when she dies she turns to you quickly. “What is your problem?” She shouts at you.

Her anger only makes you laugh louder as you place the food on the desk next to her. “I think you’re back again.” You say while pointing towards the screen as your laughter dies out. Your words make her turn back towards the screen quickly. As she plays you take it as your chance to run to your room. Grabbing fresh clothes you grab the pills out of your pocket, the weight of their meaning heavy as reality hits you once more.

Untwisting the cap you grab a bottle of water that was on your nightstand and take a couple pills out. When they’re down you hide the bottle in a drawer and head to take a shower.

Once finished you place your soaked clothes in the dryer and head back to the living room throwing yourself on the couch. You watch as Yoonchae turns her chair to face you, french fries sticking out of her mouth. She tries to speak but her words are muffled making you roll your eyes.

“Can you act like a normal human being and speak after you eat?” She flips you off before swallowing her food, making sure to exaggerate the action to irritate you.

“Satisfied?” You nod, which makes her roll her eyes. “Where the hell have you been?”

You prop your head on your hand and shrug. “Out.”

“Well no duh smart ass.” You reach out and slap her knee, smirking when she yelps. “What was that for?”

“No swearing.” The younger groans before leaning in and shoving you making you laugh.

“Oh yeah, your girlfriend showed up again today.” You groan moving your hand away from your head, letting it fall on the couch pillow, hoping laying there will somehow suffocate you. Turning your head you look up at her.

“What did she want?” She hums as she turns towards her desk, looking through a stack of paper. She exclaims when she pulls out a bright sticky note, rolling next to you, a smirk is apparent on her face.

“She wants you to steal her away from her wedding.”

At the mention of a wedding you push yourself up. “Someone’s marrying her crazy ass?” Yoonchae nods as she turns back to her computer, opening what seems to be another game. You reposition yourself to sit instead of laying, grabbing a pillow and laying it on your lap. Yoonchae immerses herself in the game and you watch her. You take in this familiar setting, a wave of agony washes over you as you realize that this scene isn’t forever. You shake your head to clear yourself of the thoughts before they could spiral, you sigh softly as you start to speak. “Hey Yoonchae, what would you do if you found out you were going to die?” She didn't respond at first, but you knew she heard you. Her head tilted and her brows furrow, she pauses her game and spins towards you. She hums softly, clearly in thought.

“Well, how long would I have?”

“A couple months.”

She nods slowly before answering, “Well I think I’d find my biological parents first. Then I’d get revenge on everyone who wronged me.” She says this in a tone to show she’s mimicking a villain, making you both laugh. As you both relax she breathes out. “And when I’m in my last moments I’d ask everyone for forgiveness. I’ve wronged many people that deserve an apology from me.” You take in her words with a nod, simply messing with the material on the pillow. “What about you, what would you do?” She asks.

You hum, pretending to think about it though in reality you were trying to find an answer that wouldn’t give off your current predicament. “Well,” you start, settling on piggybacking off her answer, “My parents are dead. I’ve wronged more people than I have been wronged, so I guess I’d have to go down the forgiveness route.”

The younger nods before turning back to the computer, unpausing her game.

That night you find yourself struggling to sleep, the weight of reality crushing you. You were dying, soon too. Yoonchae’s words echo in your mind, one in particular — forgiveness.

The truth was you weren’t a very good person, sure you weren’t terrible, but you’ve hurt enough people that the news of your death would probably make them happy. Your jaw clenches as you attempt to sort through your mind to remember their names, not knowing whether to blame your fading memory on your brain quickly deteriorating or just poor genetics taking effect.

Your brain somehow musters up five names, but it doesn’t give you much relief as you realize you would now have to come up with five very different ways to ask for forgiveness.

When your brain has a flash of pain you knew it was a task for you tomorrow. As you try to let sleep take you your phone buzzes on the nightstand and you scold yourself for forgetting to turn off the ringer. Picking up your phone you see a notification, one you have no reason to be getting, announcing auditions being held in New York for backup dancers for an artist tour.

You hum taking it in, your brain working overtime as a plan appears in your head, placing your phone back on the nightstand you knew what you were doing tomorrow.

You wake up the next morning with your head in a porcelain bowl, your body rejecting everything it has ever eaten, which wasn’t a lot, learning you’re going to die tends to ruin one’s appetite. When you’re confident you are good to move, you push yourself up but find yourself grasping onto your sink counter. You close your eyes as your head pounds and the room spins around you.

The cool marble of the counter does little to ground you, and you feel as though you’re floating until there's a knock on the door. You hold your breath, trying to ease the sharp pain that each knock brought.

“You okay?” You feel your heart drop at Yoonchae’s voice, you didn’t want her seeing you like this. With a newfound strength you rush to clean up your mess, when you do you turn on the sink brushing your teeth, wincing as the taste of mint brings back nausea. Finishing you turn off the faucet, place your toothbrush back and inhale as your now shaky hands grab the doorknob.

You try to compose yourself before opening the door to see a very concerned Yoonchae staring back at you.

“Hey.”

Yoonchae raises an eyebrow at you. “Hey? You good?” You nod in response as you pray she doesn’t notice the shiver that racks over your body, she doesn’t but you can tell she doesn’t fully believe you. “You sure?”

“Yup. Pancakes for breakfast?” The question successfully distracts her as she nods enthusiastically. “Alright, get everything ready for me I’ll be there in a second.” She rushes to the kitchen and you let your body lax against the door allowing yourself slight relief, which is short lasting as another sharp pain presents itself in your head. You push yourself off the door and turn off the light as you stumble out to the hallways.

You drag yourself against the wall to your room, the hallway spinning around you. When you get to your room you stumble into it, practically falling as you search the desk for your medicine. Finding it you open it and take a few in hope of relieving this pain you’re in. You lean against the desk with your eyes closed, letting the symptoms pass through.

When you’re able to open your eyes without feeling like throwing up or like you’re being stabbed in your head you cuss yourself out for not asking about the symptoms you’ll face or how fast you were going to experience them. Shaking your head you close the bottle and hide them again before making your way to the kitchen where Yoonchae is sitting on the counter.

“About time,” she jumps off the counter and shoves a bowl of pancake batter in your hands, “I’m starving chop chop.”

You laugh and head to the stove, which was already on with a pan on it. “You already put butter on it?” You hear her grunt in response which you take as a no and butter the pan. It’s quiet as you cook, Yoonchae on her phone and you deep in thought. The auditions were held in a little over month, and were on the other side of the country, a trip that could take quite a bit if timed right. With just a bit of planning this could definitely be your forgiveness plan.

Turning the stove off you slide a plate of pancakes to the girl and sit across from her. You watch as she eats happily, a small smile making its way to your face. She looks up and glares. “Why aren’t you eating?” Her cheeks are stuffed and her words are muffled which make you laugh.

“What I say about eating and talking?” She rolls her eyes and stuffs her mouth again. “If I sent you a list of names, could you find their locations?”

Yoonchae nods and swallows her food. “As long as they exist I can find them.” You nod before pushing your plate towards her, which she happily takes.

Standing from the table you make sure to push your chair in. “I need you to find some people while I’m out today.”

“Where are you going?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

You tilt your head back enjoying the sun on your skin. You’re a sight to see, leaned up against your bright blue Jeep with sunglasses covering your eyes. Bringing your head down you catch sight of a woman eyeing you as she walks past. Lifting your sunglasses up you wink at her, making the woman flustered as she walks away.

You let the glasses drop over your eyes once more as you bring your eyes back to the building in front of you. When you bring your hand up to check the time you see people pour out of the building, you nod in satisfaction as the time coincided perfectly with the break, just as you planned.

You see her before she sees you, at least that’s what you believe before she walks right past you to cross the street. A scoff leaves you before you nod and push off the side of your car following behind her.

“Daniela!” She ignores your shout, but you know she heard you. But giving her the benefit of the doubt you call for her again. “Dani! I know you can hear me!”

She doesn’t turn back but instead tries to walk faster past the people on the sidewalk you guys were now on.

“Is this really how we’re going to act?” You shout. And when she continues to keep walking you nod to yourself. “Fine, I guess I’ll just have to scream as loud as possible to get your and everyone's attention.” This causes her to freeze and you smile knowing you got her. You quickly let the smile drop when she turns around, the anger very clear on her face.

“You wouldn’t.” The disdain in her tone brings a pleasant chill down your spine.

“Oh, but I would and you know it too.” Her jaw clenches and you enjoy the sharpness it brings to her jawline. You watch as her knuckles go white from her hold tightening on the strap of her bag.

“What do you want?”

You tilt your head to the side, acting as if you’re thinking about it when the truth is you already know. “Get lunch with me?”

She scoffs before looking at you with disbelief. “Are you fucking serious?” You nod, and she has to look around to see if she is being pranked before she turns back to you. “You have a lot of nerve.”

“So I’ve heard.”

Huffing out she licks her lips in annoyance. “Why the hell would I ever go out anywhere with you?”

“I’ll pay for it.” Her features relax and you can see the wheels in her mind start to turn, you smile knowing that you got her.

“I’m choosing the place.”

You nod and lift your arms. “Lead the way.” She turns around leaving you to follow her. You find yourself being led to a very clearly expensive restaurant, which didn’t surprise you, you guys did live in Los Angeles after all.

The waiter brings you guys to a table by a window, when you both take a seat he places a menu in front of both of you guys.

“Can I start you guys off with a drink?”

“Yes,” Daniela starts, “I’ll have a diet Coke, and I’m sure she’ll have whatever diabolical, heart stopping drink there is.”

The man laughs politely before turning to you expectantly. “I’ll just have water, thank you.” Daniela looks at you with disbelief as your waiter nods and walks away.

“Water? Really?”

You shrug. “I’m trying to be a bit healthier.”

“Why? Are you dying?” And you know she’s joking, but you feel yourself tense up, your hand gripping the napkin on the table. When she notices you not laughing she stops, raising a brow. “I was just joking, lighten up. I’m not that lucky.” Her words cause a laugh to leave you, she truly had no idea.

The waiter comes back with both of your drinks, when he places them down he pulls out a device to start your order. “Are you guys ready or would you need a few more minutes?” You nod, though you hadn’t even opened the menu, you know you were going to order whatever Daniela was going to.

“Can I have the dumpling soup, please?” The waiter of course nods before turning to you.

“I’ll have the same.” You tell him offering a thank you as he grabs both the menus from the both. When he walks away once more Daniela takes a sip of her drink before clearing her throat.

“So why have you come to see me today?”

You sigh softly. “Let's wait till the food comes out first.”

Daniela groans quite loudly, garnering a few stares, though she doesn’t care. “Why not just tell me now? Why are you dragging this out?”

“Because, we’re here to eat, so let’s just wait. Why don’t we just catch up?”

“Catch up? Are you serious?” Her jaw clenches, leaning back into the seat she crosses her arms. The scene isn’t unfamiliar to you, the only difference between then and now is her eyes are now filled with hatred and not heartbreak.

You both stay silent until the food comes, before you can even consider getting a taste Daniela finally speaks. “Will you tell me now?”

“I see patience still isn’t your strong suit.”

Daniela scoffs and lets her spoon drop to the table with a clank. “Are you of all people seriously criticizing me?”

“It’s not criticizing, I’m simply pointing out an observation.”

The blonde doesn’t say anything, instead silently seething. She pushes back from the table and stands. “I’m not doing this with you, enjoy your lunch.” But before she can walk away you stand, grabbing her wrist.

“Wait, I’m sorry. Please, sit back down.” You can see the hesitance on her face, and she doesn’t move. “Please.” You try again. She huffs out as she harshly pulls away and goes back to her seat. She takes a sip of her soup while you sit back down across her.

She looks up at you as she takes another spoonful, cocking an eyebrow. “Can I ask you to continue now or will I still be considered impatient?”

You shake your head. “I wanted to meet you today because I’m going on a trip and I want you to come with me.”

She doesn’t react, not at first at least, but when she does it isn’t one that surprises you. Her laughter, though directed at you, is comforting due to it being familiar. When she realizes you aren’t laughing she clears her throat and places the spoon down once more. “You’re being serious.” It’s more of an observation than a question and when you nod in response she leans back in her chair once more. “Why the hell would I go on a trip with you?”

“Cause I’ll pay you a lot more than what your job is.”

She leans forward and you cringe slightly as her elbows rest on the table. “How much we talking?”

“How ever much you want.”

Her eyebrow raises and her honey eyes are filled with suspicion and curiosity. “So if I were to say…three hundred fifty thousand?”

You sigh as you begin to do some math in your mind before pursing your lips and nodding. “That’s doable.”

“Seriously?” She exclaims, knocking her elbow onto the table, hissing as she rubs it and you clean the small drops of soup she splashed onto the table.

“Yeah, seriously.”

“How do I know you’re not lying?” You shrug as you reach into your pocket to pull out your wallet. Grabbing a few bills you lay them on the table and push your bowl towards her carefully to ensure it doesn’t spill.

“You don’t, you’ll just have to trust me.” Standing, you smile once more at her. “I’d consider putting your two weeks in when you get back, we leave when that time runs out.” You don’t wait for a response, you simply place your wallet back into your pocket and leave.

Yoonchae grunts as she places a bag into the trunk. “You sure I can’t come with you?” You nod as you place another bag next to the one she just placed. Closing the trunk you turn to her offering her a small smile. She nods, but you can tell there is something wrong.

“What’s wrong?”

She chews at her bottom lip and it worries you, Yoonchae was not someone who would hesitate to speak. “Chae?”

“Are you okay?” She blurts out the question and it shocks you.

“Yes, of course, why?” The younger shrugs and it’s clear she has no trust within your answer. “Hey,” you start to grab her attention, lifting her chin gently so she has no choice but to look at you. “Talk to me.”

“It’s just…you asked that death question and now you’re going on a trip to apologize to your exes. I can’t help but think that there is something you’re not telling me.” You take in her words slowly, silently cursing at just how smart the younger one is. You know this could be your chance to come clean, but just the thought of leaving her with worry solidifies your choice in keeping your condition a secret.

“I’m not hiding anything, that day I almost got hit by a car and I guess it put things into perspective.” The younger one nods slowly, but you can still see the doubt. So you do what you know will work. She looks up as you bring your pinky up, her eyes lighting up when she realizes what it is. Lifting her own pinky she interlocks hers with yours. “Better?” You ask her.

“Yup.” And when she pulls her finger away you feel your stomach drop in guilt. She leans against the back of your Jeep as you bring your wrist up to check your watch.

“I should start heading out.” She pushes off the car with a frown. “You remember the rules?”

Her eyes roll in annoyance. “Yes.”

“Repeat them.”

You hold back a laugh as she groans. “No physical jobs and no one allowed in the house.” You nod in approval. “Though I don’t know why I can’t do any drop offs, I’m strong.”

“That lie aside, I need you to be safe. I hired someone to do those physical jobs for me while I’m gone. She should be here tomorrow.”

Yoonchae looks at you in disbelief. “I don’t need a babysitter!”

“Good thing she isn’t then.” You say to her as you walk along the side of your car, opening the door to the driver side when you reach it. “Consider her your first employee.”

“Employee?” She trails off, her eyebrows furrow before they relax as excitement takes over her face. “Does that mean?” The smile on her face is huge as you nod.

“Yes, when I come back you’ll be taking over. So remember to keep her at the same standard. No questions, nothing obviously illegal, and no missing person cases.” You can tell she isn’t listening to you as she’s way too busy celebrating the news instead, it doesn’t anger you though, you trust her. You interrupt her celebration by bringing her into a hug, which she reciprocates immediately. “I’m gonna miss you Chip.”

“I’m gonna miss you too Dale.” She says to you, and the old nickname hurts your heart slightly.

“Call me everyday, alright? And be nice to your employee.” You tell her as you get in the car.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll be a better boss than you don’t worry.” She says as she leans into the window, and you laugh.

“Now go inside, I’ll call you when I reach Phoenix.” She nods, shoving your head once before heading inside the apartment.

When you reach Daniela’s place she’s waiting outside with a huge suitcase and annoyance clear on her face. As soon as you park the car and get out she’s already pulling her luggage towards your trunk. “Took you long enough, what were you doing, killing someone for someone else?”

You scoff. “I’m not a murderer.”

“I’m sure you would be if the price was right.” She says as she places her stuff in the trunk once you open it for her.

“I see you still don’t understand what I do for work.”

“Oh really?” Her tone is condescending as she closes the trunk and heads to the passenger while you head to the driver. When she gets in she buckles herself in and turns towards you. “If I don’t understand, why don’t you tell me then?”

You turn on the car after buckling yourself in. “I get paid to do tasks that people don’t want to do themselves.”

She scoffs as you begin to drive, following the path the GPS lays out for you. “And you’re telling me murder isn’t one of those things people have asked of you?”

“Yoonchae and I don’t do anything illegal.”

“That’s right you looped a child into your nonsense.” She connects her phone to your car's bluetooth, playing some random song from her library. “Speaking of which, my phones have been acting really weird since we’ve broken up.”

You feel her eyes on you, taking a glance at her, you roll your eyes at the accusatory look she’s giving you. “Nothing to do with us. You know for someone judging what I do so much you seem mighty comfortable taking money from me, which, by the way, comes from said terrible business.”

“Of course, it’s like Robin Hood. I’m taking from the evil rich, you, and giving to the kind poor, me.” She says it smugly and you just shake your head, focusing your attention only on driving. The drive is mainly quiet, Daniela not wanting to talk to you more than she has to, and you simply lost in your thoughts. When your head started to ache midway through the drive you took it as the perfect time to stop, blaming it on low gas when Daniela looked at you confused. As she headed in to use the bathroom and get snacks, you had snuck a couple of pills in hopes your head calmed; it didn't.

Driving the rest of the way was hellish as Daniela’s music blasted and the cold of the AC brought chills to your body. When you finally arrived at the hotel, you rushed the check in. Grabbing your bags you threw one key at Daniela and ran to your room, practically throwing yourself on the bed.

You close your eyes as you let the coolness of the sheets ease your head. You don’t open your eyes when the door opens knowing that it was Daniela. She huffs as she lets the door slam behind her and you feel something hit your face. Moving the blanket that was now covering it, you slowly open your eyes.

“Thanks for waiting asshole.” She says as she sits on her own bed. You don’t respond as you close your eyes once more. You feel yourself drifting off until something hits your face again.

It takes everything in you not to lose your mind as you pull the pillow away and lift yourself up. Propping yourself up on your hand you look at her. “Yes?”

“I’m hungry.” You let out an exasperated groan at her words.

“Then get something.” You close your eyes once more as you hear her huff. You think you’re free as you hear muttering and moving around until you feel a presence above you. Opening one eye you look at her with annoyance.

“Are you seriously going to sleep when you haven’t washed up or anything?” You exaggerate a groan as you push yourself up, your head aching terribly at this point. Pushing past her you make a show of grabbing your stuff and heading towards the bathroom.

When you close the door behind you, you stumble slightly and throw your stuff haphazardly on the counter. As the ground beneath you starts to move you still yourself against the marbled counter, grazing your thumb against it you allow the coolness to send chills through your body.

Your mind stops spinning and the floor stills under you and you finally open your eyes. Splashing water on your face you go and turn on the shower.

When you finally finish you have no energy left in you, stepping out you see Daniela eating while watching something on TV. Throwing your clothes on your bag you flop onto the bed once more.

“I put your stuff in the fridge.” It surprises you, you expected her to not grab anything for you, your drive having been nothing but silence.

You muster up a thanks though as you use whatever little strength you have left and head to the room’s mini fridge. Inside you find the food, you’re surprised when you realize she remembered what you liked. You bring it to your bed, not worrying about the light coolness of the food now.

You both eat in silence, the only sound coming from the TV, playing some show you didn’t know.

When you can’t eat anymore you get up and put it back in the mini fridge. As you go to head back you see her getting up to do the same. You stop her before she gets up and hold your hands up. “Here, I got it.” She raises an eyebrow and hands you her leftovers before getting back in her bed.

After you finish you walk back to your bed, turning off your side lamp as you finally lay down.

“Is it cool if I leave the TV on?” Daniela asks. It was a question you knew was coming, Daniela hated the dark.

“I’m still scared of the dark.”

You smile as she says the words. “I know.” You speak softly, not knowing whether it was to not startle her or because of exhaustion. “It’s fine.”

She doesn’t respond and you take that as the end until she speaks once more. “Did you call Yoonchae?” It impresses you how she remembered what you didn’t.

“No.” You say lowly. “I’ll text her now and call her in the morning, I’m drained.” But before you can reach for your phone which was charging on the nightstand next to you she speaks out.

“Is her number still the same? I can call her while you sleep.” You sigh out at her words, relief filling you.

“It is, thank you.”

She lets you speak the last line, and as you begin to drift off you hear her whispering softly on her side.

You wake early the next morning, the TV now playing an old sitcom. You stand and go for the pill bottle hidden deeply in your backpack. Stuffing it in your pocket you then head to your other bag to grab clothes for yourself. Heading to the bathroom you get ready for the day. Daniela is still sleeping when you finish, and you don’t expect her to wake up any time soon. So you decide to get you both some breakfast.

After grabbing your phone, wallet, and room key you leave. Phoenix is already hot when you step out, though it’s a heat you’re slightly familiar with because of living in Los Angeles, it still makes you uncomfortable due to it being elevated here. Not many stores are open as the sun was just rising, and as the sky turns beautiful shades of pinks and oranges you can’t help but take a picture of it. Sending it to Yoonchae, you stuff your phone back in your pocket and look up.

You see people shuffling into one store, which seemed to be a cafe. Seeing as it seemed popular you decide to head in too. Your assumption was solidified as the inside was slightly crowded, office workers outweigh the everyday person. The cafe workers are clearly great at their job though as you find yourself at the front of the line quickly.

You order yourself coffee, Daniela some matcha drink you’re sure she’ll like, and you both breakfast. It’s done quickly and you leave a tip as thank you. You take your stuff outside and sit on the curb, past you would be a bit more worrisome about how you looked to others, but the you now realized time was too short to worry about such things.

You take a sip of your coffee as you watch the sky shift, the colors changing gradually. Your shirt sticks to your back, but you don’t worry too much, instead you keep your eyes on the sky. As it shifts to blue and the clouds become more scarce, the street around you begins to liven. But you still pay it no mind as you take your first bite of the bagel you had ordered.

As you sit there you decide what you want your last moments to be; laying in the grass and taking in the beautiful blue of the sky.

By the time you finish Daniela’s drink is warm, and you know she would kill you if you handed her it. So, getting up you toss it in the nearby trash can, wincing at the thought of wasting, before walking back into the cafe.

New drink in hand along with her still warm bagel you head back to the hotel. Walking into the room you find Daniela not only wide awake, but singing and dancing around the room. You leaned against the door to watch her better, as you take in the happiness you haven’t seen in her in a while to your surprise you feel your heart race. Your jaw clenches as you push back the old feelings that are suddenly trying to resurface. Pushing off the door you make your presence known.

When she turns to you you lift up her food and drink. “Room service.” She squeals in surprise before heading into the bathroom to take out her toothbrush. When she comes back she snatches the food from you and takes a seat at the desk. As she digs in you start to pack up your stuff. “Checkout ends in an hour.”

She doesn’t respond, but you know she heard you. When you finish getting your stuff together, which wasn’t very long, you didn’t take many things out, you drop back on the bed. Opening it you see multiple texts from Yoonchae, all complaints about the roommate you have found for her. Shaking your head you call her.

She answers the call immediately and you hear a loud groan.

“Why did you have to hire her? She’s so fucking boring.”

You laugh. “That’s a good thing, you need someone who will bore you and keep you straight.” She scoffs and you can hear the familiar foreign curses. “Where’d you even find her? The library in the news section or whatever sections they have there.”

“Your lack of knowledge in libraries is very concerning, maybe I’ll ask Giselle to bring you to one.” This answer gets you hung up on and you can’t help the shocked laugh that escapes you.

“She hung up on you?” Daniela asks, she has turned the chair around to look at you. You nod and she laughs too. You watch as she gets up to toss her stuff away and also get her stuff together. When she finishes you get up and grab both of yours' stuff.

“Can you reach inside my wallet and leave a tip for the staff?” You ask her, and she nods reaching inside your pant pockets and you have to physically hold off any chills you get from her touch. She opens the wallet and pulls out a few bills, you don’t see which they are, but you know she definitely pulled out some big ones, not that you minded.

After she checked the room to make sure you guys had everything, you both head down to the lobby, where you check out with a thanks. When you finish putting your stuff in the trunk you both get in.

“So, where to next?”

You adjust the car AC before twisting your body to face her. “Houston, but I have to stop somewhere around here first. It shouldn’t be too long.” She nods and turns on her music once more. It doesn’t take you long to get to your destination, the house you were heading to being very close.

“Umm…” Daniela turns to you with furrowed brows, “Whose house is this?”

You sigh, turning off the car and unbuckling your seat. You don’t answer her quite yet as you get out of the car and head to the trunk. You pull out a hidden duffel bag which was filled with money. Grabbing a couple stacks you head to Daniela’s side of the car and lean into the window.

“Old friend’s house, I won’t be long.” You don’t give her a chance to respond as you turn and head towards the house.

As you get closer to the door your heart begins to race and your nervousness starts to rise. It takes you a few moments to hype yourself enough to knock on the door. You hear someone yell that they’re coming and you begin to really feel sick. When the door finally opens you’re transported back to your teenage self.

“Hi Manon.” Your words come out weak and barely above a whisper, but you know the other hears you as she chuckles lightly.

“You have a lot of nerve.” She tells you, and you can’t help the small smile that rises from the familiar words.

“So I’ve heard.” She nods as she takes you in, tilting her head to the side with a sigh.

“You look like shit.” And the words make you laugh, though they really shouldn’t.

“Would you believe me if I told you I hear that too?”

She chuckles once more, though this one is more of a hum than a laugh before leaning against her door. “What do you want?” At her question you raise your hands, showing the stacks of money you had taken. Her eyes widen in shock as she straightens herself and sticks herself out slightly looking around. Not seeing any of her neighbors she pulls herself back in and moves to the side. “Come in.”

You nod and step inside her house. Stepping past the threshold you are met with immediate coolness and the smell of lavender. A soft hum rings through the house from a machine deeper inside the residence, you don’t pay it much mind as she closes the door behind you and motions for you to follow her to a table that was in the dining room. “Sit here.” She says as she points to one of the brown chairs. She heads back into the kitchen while you place the cash on the table.

When she comes back she places a glass of water in front of you. “Here.” You mutter a small thanks, taking a sip, while she takes one of the stacks and starts to inspect it. You let her be while you take in the rest of the house, or at least what you can see. It’s clear she lives alone, as the table only has two tablemats, one of which is clearly unused.

Her house seems to be decorated more for comfort than aesthetic, not that it was ugly, it was just more comfortable.

Taking another sip of your water, you jump when you feel something graze your leg. Looking down you see a cat, rubbing once more against your leg. You push back your chair and lean down to pick it up. You rub the center of its head, right between its ears, smiling when you feel it purr.

“Her name is Ophelia.” Manon says as she places the stack back on the table. You nod at her words, rubbing Ophelia’s head once more before placing her down on the floor. You watch as she struts away.

“She’s pretty.” You say, following the cat's movements as she heads to a bowl near the wall. Manon hums in agreement before taking a sip of her own drink, tea you assume as you watch steam rise from the cup. “She’s a brat.” She says after a few beats of silence, and you laugh softly.

It grows silent again, you waiting for her to lead the conversation. She picks at her nails while you rub a thumb against the glass of your cup. “How long do you have?” She asks. The question surprises you, but you don’t let it show as you wipe away the condensation the ice in the cup causes. She gives you the time to breathe as she takes another sip of her tea.

“How’d you know?” You ask her as you let your hand fall from the glass, crossing your arms while you lean back. She lets out a soft hum as she breathes out, clearly trying to collect her thoughts and choose the right words.

“My mother.” She sighs looking down momentarily before looking up once more. “Before she passed she looked just like you. Sunken cheeks, dull eyes, and slight tremors.” A laugh escapes you at the last one, you thought you were able to hide the now consistent shake of your hands. “What is it?” She asks when you look up at her once more.

You purse your lips as you move one of your arms to the armrest, resting your head in your hand. Rubbing your thumb against your eyebrow you sigh as you let your arm drop once more. “My brain doesn’t want to work anymore.”

She nods, sighing. “The brain is a tricky one.”

“Don’t I know it.” You trail off, turning towards Ophelia who was now laying near the windowsill. “I have a little over a month left.” You hear her breath catch, and watch as drops of tea spill on the table from her bumping her knee against it.

“That’s…” She trails off, but you bring your eyes back to the window, taking in the sky once again. “I’m sorry.” Her words are earnest and you nod. “So, this.” You look back at her to find her pointing towards the two stacks of cash. “Is some sort of last chance to heaven sort of thing?”

You laugh at the words and shake your head. “I don’t believe in a heaven. It’s an apology of sorts. I…I wasn’t the best person to you when we broke up, and I know money can’t really cover for that, but as you know I don’t really have the time to make it up to you as I should.” She stands from her seat when you finish and you follow her curiously. She walks past you and your view of her is blocked and you can’t help but wonder if you messed up. You sit up when she comes back with a rag in her hand and heads back to her side of the table, wiping up the drops of tea.

She folds up the rags as she sits back down looking at you. “You’re right it doesn’t make up for it, but I appreciate it.” And you breathe out in relief. “Is the girl waiting in your car part of this ‘forgiveness crusade’?”

“Yeah.”

“What’d you do to her?”

This question makes you clearly tense as you remember just what you had done to the woman in your car. “I broke up with her because she ‘wasn’t fun.’” Manon winces at your words, shaking her head.

“That ones worse than what you said to me.” And you can’t help but agree with her. Your break up with Daniela was ugly and cruel, and you can still remember the way she looked at you, hurt so clear in her eyes you wanted to do nothing but rip your heart out. At the thought of this the regret is clear on your face and Manon takes note of it. “You didn’t mean, did you?”

“No.” You bring your hand back up to the cup and rub your thumb once more, erasing the condensation. “It was getting serious and I was scared.”

Manon hums. “Sounds like you. How you making it up to her?”

“She’s a dancer and I’m bringing her to an audition for a tour in New York. Oh, and some money.” She takes in your words as she takes another sip of her tea.

“Do you still like her?”

You fidget slightly in the chair at the question. Licking your lips you breathe through your nose, humming softly. And Manon nods with a knowing smile on her face. The soft hum of the machine in the background stops and you take it as your way out.

“I should get going, I have to get to Houston.” And Manon nods once again and the smirk on her face makes you roll your eyes. She walks with you towards the front door.

“Who is next?”

“An old friend I fell out with.” You tell her as you open the door, your head starting to pound slightly. As you’re about to walk out she calls for you. When you turn around you feel slightly lightheaded, and you’re so out of it you don’t notice the look of horror on her face. The last thing you hear before everything goes black is her saying that you're bleeding.

You wake to the sound of cussing and it takes you a few seconds to recognize the ceiling of your car. Feeling a warm breeze you look over to see the passenger window is open. You sit up and hear Daniela start cursing again.

“Stupid fucking GPS, how are you rerouting me when I’m not even off the highway yet?”

You turn yourself to face the front and place an arm on both of the front seats. Leaning forward you turn towards her. “It’s probably because the car is programmed for Canada.”

You wince when she screams and grip the headrests tightly when she swerves. You stay silent as she pulls to the side of the highway and jump when she turns to you suddenly after putting on the hazard lights. “What the fuck is your problem?” You lean back as she shouts and smile widely.

“I didn’t do anything.” You nod towards the GPS. “Where we going?”

“The hospital.” She glares and crosses her arms. “Why the fuck is your car programmed for Canada?”

You snort at her question. “What is this? Twenty questions? Scoot over.” She moves out of the driver’s seat and into the passengers while you pull yourself towards the front. When you settle in the seat and buckle yourself in you turn to look at her. “I pissed Yoonchae off last year so she decided to fuck with the whole system. Took her an entire month just to give me my music back.”

She laughs incredulously as you turn off the car GPS and take out your phone to start the route to the hotel in Houston. As you put your phone in the holder she turns to look at you confused. ���Where are we going?”

“Houston.” You can feel her stare on you as you merge back onto the highway.

“Shouldn’t we be going to hospital?”

“Why?”

She slaps your arm and you wince. “Maybe cause you fainted.” You raise a hand to wave her off.

“Dehydration. I’m fine now.” You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and grimace when you catch the sight of dry blood. “Can you wet a napkin and give it to me?”

She does as you ask of her and when she hands it to you she starts again. “That didn’t seem like a simple pass out. I mean you were bleeding!” She points towards the napkin that now laid in your hand to emphasize her point. “Plus that girl seemed really freaked out.” She says this with a weird tone, but you brush it off with a sigh.

“I’m fine.”

But your response isn’t believable to her. “I don’t know, I think we should go-” You cut her off with a groan.

“I said I’m fine! Can we drop it now?” You didn’t mean for your tone to be so harsh, but before you can fix anything she huffs.

“Fine, be like that. I don’t give a fuck.” She turns towards the window and the car goes silent. It doesn’t take long for you to feel bad and you can’t help but take small glances at Daniela. After about half an hour you cave in, not being able to take the silence.

“I’m sorry.” You start. “You were just being caring and I had no reason to yell at you.” She stays silent but you know she heard you due to her scoffing as soon as you finished. Sighing, you try again. “You know I’ve planned for us to stay in Houston for a few days, meaning we’ll have a lot of free time. So…we can do anything you want.”

This gets her to break as she turns her body back towards you. “Anything?” You nod to confirm and she exclaims immediately before she starts listing everything she would be forcing you to do. With the mood much lighter you can’t help but smile, feeling lighter than ever.

By the time you get to Houston you both are exhausted, after checking in you both get into the room and crash.

When you wake up the sun is setting and the smell of food fills the room. Turning your head you see Daniela holding a plate of food in front of your face with a smile. “Look what I got.” She says in a sing-songy tone causing you to laugh. Lifting yourself up you stretch before sitting against the headboard and grabbing the food from Daniela.

“Thank you.” She nods and hops back onto her bed before grabbing her own food. You didn’t realize how hungry you were until you were halfway done. Daniela groans and you look over to see her plate cleared.

“I’ve never eaten anything that good before, my god.” You agree with her and turn your attention to the cartoon playing on the TV. “So I was thinking tomorrow we go to the zoo, eat lunch there, you buy me and Yoonchae some souvenirs, then we come back, change and go to this fancy restaurant I saw.”

You look at her, your brows furrowing in confusion. “Fancy?”

She nods excitedly as she gets up from her bed haphazardly, her phone in hand. When she stands in front of you she shoves her phone in your face. You have to lean back a bit to get your eyes to focus on the screen. When you can finally see clearer you see a well rated restaurant that looks extremely expensive. But it’s not that that worries you, it’s how weirdly intimate and dare you even say, romantic the atmosphere seemed.

You bring your eyes up to her face and at the look of excitement you decide to keep that thought to yourself. You slightly nod to let her know you’ve seen what she wanted you to see and she pulls the phone back, jumping on her bed.

She kicks her feet up and down, humming as she scrolls through her phone and you can’t help but watch her. You feel your heart start to flutter and your mind goes back to your conversation with Manon. You absolutely did still love Daniela, but to be completely honest with yourself you don’t think you ever stopped. It didn’t help that Daniela seemed to have warmed up to you once again.

Before your mind could spiral any further your head starts to throb, and just like that you’re brought back to reality.

Sighing softly you stand to put your food away, your appetite now disappearing.

You both spend the rest of the night watching random cartoons before falling asleep once more and before you know it you’re standing in front of capybaras with a pair of tiger ears on your head.

When one of the animals gets closer to the glass she runs and shoves her phone in your hands. “Quick, take a pic of me and the baby!”

You nod and lift her phone up, taking a couple pictures before your breath catches in your throat. You look over her phone to get a better look and your face starts to burn when you do. Daniela seems to be loved by heaven as the sun suddenly hits her perfectly. Her already light eyes seem to brighten, and the lip gloss she’s wearing seems to sparkle. She pushes away from the exhibit to come closer to you, and you can see her freckles clearly when she comes up right in front of you.

God, she is so beautiful.

You don’t realize she’s talking to you, until you see her glare in suspicion. “Sorry?” You say to her, your mind still reeling, but you try your best to pay attention to her.

“I asked how I looked.”

“Oh.” You hand her phone to her. “You looked beautiful.” Your words come out more breathless than you mean for it too, and it surprises Daniela. Her cheeks become slightly red and she looks away as she grabs, or more so snatches, her phone from you. “Good.” She says, still refusing to look at you. “Let’s go to the tortoises now, I want to feed them.”

You don’t bother responding and just follow behind her. When you guys make it to the exhibit you show them your ticket and they hand you the food, which you give to Daniela. The animals immediately walk over to the fence when Daniela kneels down and holds a piece of lettuce for them. You watch the smile grow impossibly wider on her face as she continues to feed them and you immediately take a picture. Your heart jumps when she looks up, and you can’t help but take another one.

“Come here and feed one.” You nod immediately, placing your phone back in Daniela’s bag, which she had you holding, you go to her side and lean down next to her, grabbing a piece of lettuce she was giving to you.

A tortoise immediately eats from you, and you see why Daniela is so excited by it. When it finishes eating you grab your phone again and ask for another piece of lettuce, which Daniela gives you, and you take a video of you feeding it.

As soon as the lettuce runs out Daniela complains about being hungry, so you both settle on getting ice cream to save room for dinner. After buying you both ice cream, vanilla with sprinkles, you guys sit on a bench and eat it in a happy silence.

Crunching happily on the cone the blonde turns to you. “I’m surprised you still have the ears on.” Her words are muffled, and you have to fight the reflex to scold her.

You shrug lightly. “You said they’re cute.” She smiles and nods before turning back to her cone.

After you both finish you spend a few more hours exploring the animal exhibits before calling it a day and heading back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. You get ready first, thankful you brought a few fancy, or fancy adjacent, outfits with you. As you are in the bathroom finishing up, you decide to take a few pills in hopes to prevent any episodes.

When you finish you get out and sit at the desk chair waiting for Daniela. You spend most of your time texting Yoonchae, most of it being her complaining than anything else. You look up when you hear the bathroom door open, sitting up immediately when you see how she looks.

She’s wearing a very pretty dress that holds tight to her body. Your mouth goes dry as you trace her curves with her eyes. She doesn’t seem to notice as she smiles at you. “Ready?”

You nod and follow her out. During the drive to the restaurant you can’t help but take multiple glances in adoration. When you guys arrive you open the door for her before the valet attendant could, and smile even wider when she thanks you. Handing the keys to the attendant you both walk into the restaurant.

As soon as you crossed the threshold your thoughts from the night prior were confirmed; this restaurant’s atmosphere is very intimate and romantic. You hear Daniela gasp softly and you look towards her in concern. “It’s so beautiful here.” You feel chills run down your spine at her words, did she like this atmosphere? Did she choose this type of place on purpose?

You don’t get to think about this for long as the host waves for you two to come closer. You let Daniela handle everything, since she had book the reservation, and you two are led to your table. You make sure to pull out her chair for her before taking your own seat.

Your eyes widen when you take a look at the prices. “This place is expensive.” Not that you were worried, and it’s clear Dani wasn’t either as she simply hums. It doesn’t take long for the waitress to come to your table with water, which the blonde makes sure to point out how fancy the glass looks. Dani then orders for you both, which doesn’t bother you, you liked it when she chose things for you.

“So,” she starts, “What are we here in Houston for again?”

Putting your glass back down you look up at her. “Meeting an old friend.” She grunts slightly and her reaction surprises you. When she sees you look at her in confusion she starts again.

“Just wondering why you keep calling your exes your friends.” Her answer makes your heart skip, as you try to decipher her disdain. Rubbing your hands against your pants you swallow your own saliva at the possibility of her potentially being jealous.

“She’s not an ex, she truly was just a friend.”

Dani nods as she breaks the piece of bread that was her plate, making it clear she wasn’t going to eat it. “What’d you do to her?”

You truthfully didn’t want to answer that question, you were just getting on Dani’s good side, potentially even reigniting a romance with her. But you also knew with just how fragile your twos’ relationship stood at this moment you couldn’t lie to her, especially given the huge lie you were feeding her everyday. So clearing your throat you speak. “I stole her idea for the business, and left her alone.”

She grimaces at your words and you look down. “Well, at least it wasn’t worse than what you did to me.” And you can’t help but frown at her words.

“I’m sorry I treated you like that before.” But since you were still looking down at your lap she didn't hear you clearly.

“What’d you say?” You look up and clear your throat, but before you go again the waitress comes back and places your food down. After pouring wine in both your wine glasses she leaves you two alone once more. When Dani takes the first bite you decide to try again.

“I’m sorry. What I said to you, it wasn’t true and was just meant as a way to be cruel. I shouldn’t have said that and if I could take it back I would.” You wince when Dani’s knife scrapes against the plate as she freezes. When she looks up her hazel eyes are filled with emotions, but the most noticeable is rage. She places her cutlery down as she leans in, her tone rough.

“What do you mean it wasn’t true?” Inhaling you sit up straighter, clearing your throat once more out of nerves rather than necessity.

“I had broken up with you because I was scared. Because we were becoming more serious. So I just said whatever I could to get you to never reach back out.”

You words cause her to scoff and you see her try to quell the anger that she is now feeling. Her jaw clenches and though you know her anger towards you is not good you can’t help but appreciate just how pretty she looks even enraged.

Turning back to you she sighs through her nose. “Let’s not talk about this right now, we can discuss this later.” And she goes back to eating while you can only watch her like you were a child that had been scolded. The air is tense and it’s clear the waitress can feel it when she had come back, offering you a sympathetic smile as she checks on you both. When she leaves you wish she had taken you with her.

You don’t bother eating, your appetite gone now that you knew Dani was angry at you and it seems your actions just anger the other even more as each time she looks at you she rolls her eyes. When the bill comes you pay without hesitation and tip the waitress way more than was asked as an apology for the tense table she had to keep coming back to.

While you wait outside for the attendant to bring back your car Dani stands far enough away from you that another person could have stood between you two comfortably. And when you hold the door open for her once more she doesn’t thank you, even slamming the door before you can close it for her.

Before you get in you take a second to breathe to calm yourself a bit, getting in the car it amazes how the air genuinely feels cold too. It takes a few minutes for her to start talking and when she does your body reacts immediately by leaning in towards her.

“Do you know how low I felt after you broke up with me? I doubted myself because of you and for you to have the nerve to just tell me that you just said it because of your insecurities? I can’t believe you, I knew this trip was a mistake. I knew trusting you once more was a mistake.”

Your heart breaks at her words and you can feel your eyes well up with tears. You don’t respond, not being able to due to the lump in your throat.

The silence sticks as you get to the hotel and that night you both go to sleep without a word. The next day isn’t any better as you both get ready without a word, and when you buy breakfast for her she takes it without giving you another glance.

You guys sit at a bench in a plaza when you try to talk to her. “Dani-” She cuts you off before you can finish.

“Don’t. Not now.”

You nod your head deciding to respect her wishes. When another hour passes she speaks, though she sounds cold. “When is your friend coming?”

You furrow your brows when you realize you have no idea. “I don’t know…hold on I’ll be right back.” You stand and walk over to the side as you call Yoonchae.

“You have a lot of nerve.”

“Not now. I’ve been waiting where you said Lara would be for about an hour and not a single sight of her.”

“Huh? That can’t be.” You hear her chair roll and the familiar sound of typing. You look around as you wait, seeing if you can possibly spot her. Yoonchae gains your attention once more when she curses. “Okay, don’t be mad. But she’s actually in Miami.”

You groan as you pinch your nose bridge. “How did you fuck that up?”

“Listen, you asked me to do research after a stack of pancakes I was tired and made a mistake! Look on the bright side at least you get to see Daniela in a bikini.” You hang up her after she says that and make your way back to Daniela.

“Looks like we’re going to Miami.” She raises an eyebrow as she looks at you.

“Why?”

“Yoonchae made a mistake.” That seems to be enough for her as she stands and heads to your car.

The trip to Miami was the worst one yet, between Daniela’s cold shoulder, your head hurting and the long drive you couldn’t wait for it to end.

You’re lucky enough to book an oceanfront room right on the strip of Miami beach, which seems to be the one thing you did right these past few days in Daniela’s eyes.

“When are you meeting your friend?” She says to you as she comes back from the balcony where she was taking pictures.

“Yoonchae says she should be in this plaza at around noon.” You show her the plaza Yoonchae sent you and she takes a glance before looking back at her phone. You sigh as you accept this will probably be how the rest of the trip will be.

At noon the next day you find yourselves at another plaza, this one more filled. The Florida sun burns at your skin as you and Daniela wait.

When you see Lara you stand abruptly, leaving Daniela without a word. Following her into the crowd you call for the red head.

Lara turns and is tense, when she spots you her gaze immediately hardens as she stomps towards you. “What is your fucking problem?”

You sigh softly as she grips you with one hand, the other holding her drink. “Let’s talk.” She scoffs as she lets you go and shoves you.

“Talk?” She pushes you again. “Fucking talk? Why the fuck would I ever talk to you?”

“I want to apologize.” She scoffs when she hears this and starts to back up. When you reach for her she snatches her arm away, almost as if even the thought of you touching her burns her. Your hands shake slightly as they stay in the air and you know what you have to do.

Dropping to your knees you let your head hang. You know she’s still there as her shoes are still visible in front of you.

The first drop of her drink surprises you, but you don’t move nor look up as she continues to spill her drink on you. When she throws her cup at you Daniela steps in. “Alright, that’s enough.”

But Lara doesn’t pay her any mind. “You think this sorry ass apology is enough? If you’re really sorry you’d just die.” The world goes mute after this. You’re sure Daniela responds to her but you can’t hear her. After a few moments, or at least it feels like a few moments you begin to laugh.

You didn’t mean to, but once you start you can’t stop. You know you’re a sight to see, covered in some drink while laughing like crazy.

When you finally stop you look up, huffing out with a smile you begin to nod. “Alright. If that’s what you want.” Lara looks at you in disbelief as Daniela grabs you.

“Let’s go.” You let her drag you away to some unknown place where she pushes you to sit down. “I’ll be right back.” You don’t acknowledge her, too deep in your own thoughts. When she leaves you the tears start to fall, the exhaustion of reality weighing heavily on you.

You were dying. You were really dying. And what’s worse is some people want you to. You were such a horrible person that some people truly want you dead.

Your throat hurts from how hard you’re sobbing and when Daniela comes back she holds you. Her touch makes you uncomfortable, you don’t deserve her gentleness, not when you’re this terrible of a person. When you finally run out of tears she pulls away from you, and red rises to your cheeks when you see you’ve dirtied her shirt.

“You feeling better?” You nod and she smiles. “Good, I’m going to try and clean you up now, alright?” You nod once more and Dani starts to use the napkins she had gotten from a nearby store. As she cleans you up she speaks, her voice soft. “I’m sorry she was that mean to you. No matter what you had done to her, you didn’t deserve this.”

You don’t respond which causes her to sigh as she continues to try and clean you up. When she notices that her clean up job won’t get any better with what she has, she looks at you. “Are you okay to move? I don’t think I can do much more.” She says this with a bit of laughter.

“Yeah.” You finally speak, your voice meek and rough.

“I’ll drive us back.” She holds her hand up for your keys and you give it to her. When you get to the car she places her hoodie on the passenger seat so you don’t ruin your seats and you thank her.

When you guys get back it’s like you’re a shell of a person. You shower, change, and lay in bed where you don’t move for hours. It concerns Daniela but she knew there was nothing she could do for you except be there.

You don’t move until early the next morning, where you sit on the balcony taking in the sound of the waves. You sit there as the sun rises, and watch as surfers come and go. And when the sun fully comes into the sky you watch as crowds of people begin to set up across the beach.

Daniela joins you and takes the seat next to you. “It’s pretty out here.” She says, her voice catching on the wind.

“You should’ve seen the sunrise.” You tell her.

“Are you feeling better?”

And though you don't, you refuse to hinder her anymore. “Yeah.” You take a pause to exhale softly. “I’m going to take you back to LA. You can keep the money, I won’t bother you anymore.”

She stares at you and it burns your skin, but you keep watching the ocean. “No.” She says and it shocks you, making your body twitch slightly. “I don’t want to. You said you’re going to make it up to me with this trip and that’s what you’ll do.”

You finally turn away from the ocean and turn to her. Your eyes trace her face to see if she’s being serious, not seeing any you nod slowly. “Alright.”

She breathes out slowly in relief. “Now can we go inside, it’s hot and I need a shower.”

You laugh and nod. You sit at the desk as you wait for her, searching for an activity you both can do when you get a call from Yoonchae.

“If you’re here to compl-”

She cuts you off immediately. “We have an emergency.”

Your heart drops as you sit up. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s the auditions. They’re moving it up to next week.”

“What? Why would they do that? That makes no sense.”

“I know. I just thought you should know, I gotta go Giselle about to curse me out for being up so early. Love you!”

You tell her you love her back before hanging up. You feel yourself begin to panic, but remember that you have to tell Daniela.

“Dani!” You yell as you stand, before you can call for her again you see blood fall on the desk. Bringing your hand up to your nose you wipe away blood and the room starts to spin. Trying to move you stumble and feel like the air has been sucked out of you. You try to call for Dani again but it comes out meek. As your vision starts to blur you see Dani come out of the bathroom and the last thing you see is the look of horror before the world goes black.

Daniela’s leg shakes as she rubs at her head. She perks up when the door opens but laxes when she sees it’s just Yoonchae. Handing her a cup of coffee she takes a seat next to her.

“No one has come yet?” The younger asks and Daniela shakes her head. Yoonchae huffs in displeasure, but Dani doesn’t pay her any mind.

It’s been two days since you’ve collapsed and you still haven’t woken up. Daniela’s ears perk up slightly when she hears Yoonchae move and watches her warily as she stands to check the wires attached to you. The younger had flown in the day before and had yet to have settled down. Though it drove the older slightly insane she let the younger be as she knew it was a way for her to distract herself. It was clear to her immediately that Yoonchae was trying to put on a strong front, to seem almost as if she was unaffected, but Daniela could see the fear in her.

She could see the way her eyes would get glossy when she stared at you for too long, or how she would hesitate to even say your name.

Daniela understood why, she herself cared for you greatly, no matter how much she tried to deny it, she always would care for you and if she was this devastated she can only imagine what it was like for Yoonchae. To the younger you were her entire world, and now there was a threat to that.

It takes another two hours for the doctor to finally make an appearance. She walks in with a polite smile and closes the door behind her quietly, almost as if not to wake you.

“My apologies for the long wait, the hospital is severely understaffed and I had to scrub up for a couple surgeries and then of course our systems were down for a bit.” She trails off for a bit, waving her hand when she sees the slight disinterest from the two. “But you don’t want to hear about my woes. Let me take a look at what we’re dealing with.” She walks over to the board at the end of your bed.

Daniela watches the doctor’s face, tensing when she sees sorrow fill her features. The doctor inhales and holds it in her chest for a bit, seemingly thinking of her next words.

She exhales before she starts. “Umm..” She pauses. “How long did your friend say she has?”

“Sorry?”

“My apologies. I mean her first estimation.” At the look of confusion she clears her throat. “Do you not know?”

Yoonchae shakes her head, answering for the both of them and Daniela watches as the doctor’s breath hitches.

“Oh dear.” She mutters. “If you will just give me a moment.” She says leaving the room.

Yoonchae turns to Daniela, fear evident in her eyes. “What do you think she means?” The older chews at her bottom lip and shrugs, panic filling her so deeply she couldn’t answer. She can tell Yoonchae wants to ask more but the doctor comes back, interrupting her before she can.

A manila folder is now in her hands and Daniela feels her heart drop. The woman places the folder on the small table by your bed and pulls out a piece of paper. When she flips it around a photocopy of an x-ray is on it.

The two lean forward slightly, confusion clear on their faces.

“This is a photocopy of an x-ray of your friend’s brain. Do you see these circles? These are your friend’s brain cells clumping together, about a month ago there were eight, the scan we had done today shows the growth has started to accelerate, now leading to there being thirteen of these masses.”

Daniela feels lightheaded. “So what does this mean?” Her throat is tight as she speaks and nausea starts to settle in.

“It means that when these cells get too tangled, they will burst and your friend will…” She trails off, but she didn’t have to say the words the two understood what this meant.

“How long?” Yoonchae’s voice breaks at the end and it makes Daniela want to sob.

“If she wakes up she’d be very lucky to see the end of the month.” She pauses to reach back towards the mini desk, lifting the folder she lifts up a pamphlet, handing it to Daniela. “I’d start looking into end of life programs, whether it be here or back at home. I’m truly sorry.” She picks up the folder once more and leaves the room as if she didn’t just ruin their lives with her words.

The silence is almost unbearable, the only sound between them being the steady beeping of your heart machine. Yoonchae breaks first, a terrible sob escaping her. The sound so horrible Daniela has to look away as tears escape her.

She wishes she could comfort her, but she can’t move, sobs wracking through her keeping her stuck. But in some way, it’s comforting, knowing they are both mourning a loss that has not yet occurred.

The following days are terrible, with each moment you don’t wake up the worst everything seems to feel. Yoonchae has become a shell of herself only moving when she had to. Dani tries to get her to eat, knowing you’d kill her if you didn’t at least try to be there for her. So Dani tries to be strong, or at least appear strong. Truthfully she’s struggling, in the moments where she is by herself her thoughts are the only thing to accompany her. She finds they often lead to “what ifs,” her least favorite being the ones that wondered about that past. Wondered what life would be like if you both didn’t break up, if your insecurities hadn’t scared you from her.

She knows not much would be different, a sickness would still take you from her, and she’d still be hurting this terribly. The truth is Dani still loved you, and probably would love you until she died. She wasn’t stupid, she felt her feelings reignite, how could she not have been caring to her during this trip, even when she was cold to you you had been kind, and well forced proximity really works.

But it seemed like all that wouldn’t matter since you were…Dani shakes her head, refusing to think of it.

She wets the rag the hospital gave to her and wipes your neck gently, humming a song as she attempts to clean you.

“You always loved this song.” Your voice is hoarse and scares her slightly from the sudden interruption. It takes her a few moments to comprehend that you’re awake now. You smile at her, or as much you can and it’s enough for her to jump on.

“Sorry! Sorry!” She exclaims when you groan, jumping up from the bed.

“It’s okay.” You tell her though it’s rasped, and she can feel her eyes start to water. Your eyes soften, concern apparent in them. “Are you alright?”

Dani nods, though tears stream down her face. “I’m just really happy.”

You chuckle softly, before wincing. “Is it too much to ask for some water?” Daniela quickly shakes her head before leaving the room to go ask for some water and a nurse. When she steps out she bumps into Yoonchae, who looks at her confused. She doesn’t bother saying anything, she just smiles, squeezes her shoulder, and walks away.

You look up when you hear the door open again, shocked when you see Yoonchae.

“Chip…” Your words open the floodgate and she begins to cry. “Come here.” You open up your arms, but the younger doesn’t move and as you take a longer look you see the anger on her face.

“You lied!” She begins. “You told me I had nothing to worry about, but you already knew!”

You grip the blanket that covers you tightly as you swallow roughly, the dryness of your throat causing sharp pains. “I’m sorry.”

But the words do little to comfort her. “When were you going to tell me? Or were you just going to disappear from my life?” She yells roughly at you, her voice cracking slightly due to her sobs and you can’t do much but look at your down in shame. “Answer me!”

You don’t look up. “I’m sorry.” Your answer clearly isn’t the right one as she huffs shakily and yanks open the door. You hear Daniela yelp in surprise as Yoonchae passes her.

The blonde places the water on your bedside table. “What was that about?”

You look up with a frown. “She’s mad I didn’t tell her.” Daniela nods slowly in understanding, it was a sentiment she related to when she first found out, but your awakening deferred any remnants of anger she had.

“I’ll go look for her, just relax. The doctor should be coming in soon, okay?”

You thank her and watch as she leaves the room. It doesn’t take too long after for the doctor to arrive. “Glad to see you’re awake.” She waits for a response but when you don’t move she knows she won’t get one yet. “You may feel some pain in your throat for a bit but that is completely normal. Do you have any questions for me?”

“How much longer do I have?” The question shocks her but she doesn’t let it show.

“Not much longer. A couple weeks at most.”

You nod slowly before bringing your hands up to your face, dragging them roughly down it. Removing your hands you look at her. “When is the earliest I can be discharged?”

This time she can’t hide the shock as her eyes widen. “Uhh…tomorrow?”

“Okay.”

The doctor offers you a somber smile before patting your leg gently. “Get some rest for now.” You let your head fall back against the mattress, grateful that Daniela had repositioned the bed earlier. Sighing, exhaustion crashes like waves through your body. You grab the cup of water on your table and take a sip, wincing as the coolness causes a sharp pain in your throat.

You’re more thirsty than you know as you down a cup and pour yourself another. You stop at two though as the pain in your throat becomes too much. When you place the cup down the door opens and you immediately turn to look. You deflate slightly when only Dani walks in, which she notices.

“Is she okay?” You ask when Daniela sits in one of the chairs by your bed.

“Yeah, she’s just mad.” She places a hand atop of yours, rubbing it comfortingly. “Give her some time. Did the doctor come in?”

You nod as you move your hand to grip hers softly. “She said I can be discharged tomorrow.”

“She did?” It’s clear she has some doubts, but ignores it as you nod once more. She sighs and rubs your hand again. “Alright, I guess I’ll book our flights back to LA.”

Her words cause you to pop your head up. “What?”

“What’s wrong?”

You look around the room for your phone. “What day is it?”

Daniela’s eyebrows furrow in concern and confusion. “Tuesday. Why? What’s wrong?” You pause momentarily at her words, were you really gone for that long? Shaking your head you turn to her.

“We can’t go back to LA, we have to be in New York by Saturday.” She sighs before leaning in to get closer to you. Cupping your face gently she turns you slowly so you can look at her.

“Whatever you’re planning, don’t worry about it. You don’t owe me anything anymore, I forgive you. Let’s just go back home so you can rest.”

You bring your hand up to grab hers. “Please.” You can see the hesitation on her face. You squeeze her hand lightly to reassure her, and you know you’ve won when she sighs.

“Fine. But I’m driving and the moment you show signs of sickness we’re going home.” Smiling, you nod excitedly.

“I’m coming with you guys.” You both jump at the new voice and turn around, Daniela pulling her hand from you at the sight of Yoonchae. The youngest stands by the door eyeing you two but doesn’t comment on it as she goes to sit in the chair next to the latina.

“Of course.” You tell her a bit too quickly causing her to glare at you.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you. But…I understand cause I would do the same. Maybe not all this traveling, but I would keep it to myself to not worry you. So while I’m super mad at you, I also understand you and I won’t let me being angry make it so I’m potentially not there when you…” She trails off, refusing to say the word, but the way she swallows harshly you know what she means. You lean towards her, grabbing her hand in means of comforting.

“I’m glad you’re coming with us. I like it better this way.” And Dani quickly agrees which causes a small smile to make its way onto Yoonchae’s face. She shakes her head and pulls her hand away from you.

“Anyways, New York is quite far, huh?”

“Very.” Dani says.

“Well good thing I love a good road trip!”

“Oh thank god!” Yoonchae exclaims as she jumps out of the car. “I cannot be in that car anymore.”

“I thought you love road trips?” You ask as you slam the car door shut behind you, amusement clear in your voice.

“That wasn’t a road trip, that was eighteen hours of straight hell.”

“Yeah maybe because you have the patience of a two year old.” Daniela says as she comes around the car. “Now come help me with the bags.” She turns to you, her features softening. “Can you check us in?”

“Yeah, I got it.” You walk up the stairs and into the hotel. Checking in was quite fast and when you head back outside you see Yoonchae sitting on your suitcase. You shake your head and turn to Daniela. “We’re all good to go.” She nods and lifts your bag up, when she looks at Yoonchae the younger groans and stands up.

“I talked to Giselle by the way, she is going to send some of your clothes over here so you don't have to worry about that stuff.” However, at your words Yoonchae groans again to your confusion.

“Don’t even mention that woman’s name to me.” You laugh at her words and it makes Yoonchae glare at you as you guys walk into the elevator. “You’re laughing but she legit tortured me.”

“How so?” Daniela asks with real concern.

“By being so boring that I genuinely wanted to die.” She freezes at the word and looks at you quickly. “Sorry.”

You wave her off and shake your head with a smile. “You know you hate her for being boring, but she seemed to have kept you safe.”

“Yeah because everything was deemed a threat to her, like literally everything. You know I once offered her a lollipop and she said things like that lead to cavities and can ruin my teeth permanently and shouldn’t be eaten so casually.” You look away to hide your laughter and walk out the elevator when it reaches your floor, Yoonchae dragging your suitcase with huff as Daniela follows behind her with an amused smile.

“Where’d you even find her?” The youngest asks as you guys approach the door.

“A blind date if you could believe it.” You open the door and step to the side holding it open for the other two. “We realized we were incompatible.”

“AKA she was too serious and you were bored out of your mind.” Yoonchae says as she places your suitcase against the wall. Daniela places the other bags next to the suitcase and goes back near the door.

“I gotta go move the car and bring my suitcase up. While I’m gone you guys choose dinner?”

“No need, I already decided we will eat pizza!” Yoonchae exclaims as she jumps on one of the beds and when Daniela looks at you you simply nod in agreement. “Alright then, I’ll be back.” When the door shuts behind her you go to sit next to Yoonchae who is sighing happily. “Hey.” Yoonchae pops her head up and raises a brow. “Can we talk?” The younger nods and sits up, scooting to the edge of the bed to sit next to you. You inhale lightly before speaking.

“How are you feeling?”

“I should be asking you that.” You tilt your head to the side and Yoonchae sighs. “I’m okay.”

“You sure?” And Yoonchae shrugs at the question.

“I guess, I mean I’m as okay as I can be.” You nod and before you can speak again she starts. “What are we going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

She purses her lips, rubbing her hand slightly against her sweatpants. “Do you think Dani can pass the auditions?” She questions this time and you nod. “Then if she gets chosen, what do we do?”

“Go back to LA.” But the answer doesn’t seem to satisfy Yoonchae as she frowns.

“And what about when you?...Well, you know.” You nod slowly as you realize what the real question Yoonchae is asking.

“Well, when I die.” The reference to your future causes the girl to flinch and you rest a hand on her now fidgeting one. “You will continue the business while attending college where you will find a girl that will make you want to quit the business all together and live a happy life. And in the future if you decide to have a kid, whether fur or human, you will tell them about their awesome aunt that went away for a while because she was just too great to have forever.” You pout as you see Yoonchae’s eyes start to shine due to unshed tears. You pull her into a hug and feel your shoulder start to get wet as she begins to cry. “Most importantly you’ll be okay, it will hurt at first but you’ll be okay.” You pull away from her and see tears streaming down her face, and you are brought back to when you had first met her. Bringing a hand up, you wipe some tears away. “It’ll be okay, Chip, I promise. Now let’s not worry about the future, no matter how close or far it is. Let’s focus on now, the present, where I am here, okay, with you.”

She nods and you pull her back into a hug. And as you two sat there, holding each other, you didn’t know that there was someone else who had heard you two.

“Can you please sit down, you’re driving me insane.” Yoonchae says as you pace back and forth in the waiting room.

“I can’t help it, I’m nervous.”

“I don’t know why you know Dani is going to get it.” You sigh at her words, nodding reluctantly as you take the seat next to Yoonchae.

“Didn’t Dani seem off to you this morning?”

“Yeah probably cause you told her she was going to audition for a tour of nowhere. Now relax.”

You huff as you lean back in the seat. “Whatever.”

“Hey.” You both look up. “Is that seat taken?” The new girl points towards the empty seat on the other side of Yoonchae. When Yoonchae doesn’t respond you shake your head. “No.”

The mystery girl nods and takes a seat and you watch as the younger girl stiffens. The orange girl leans forward slightly to see you. “I’m Megan.” She puts her hand out and you shake it, when she puts her hand in front of Yoonchae the younger grabs it weakly and barely shakes it causing you to eye her weirdly.

“I’m Y/N and this is Yoonchae.” You answer for the two of you since the other seemed frozen. Megan smiles widely at you two and you see Yoonchae’s breath catch.

“Are you guys from around here?” Megan asks and you shake your head.

“No, we’re from LA.”

“LA?” Megan yells and you jump. “My bad.” She apologizes quickly, looking very sheepish. “Wanted a change of scenery? I can’t imagine there is a lack of auditions in LA.”

You chuckle and nod. “You can say that. Are you from here?”

“No, I’m actually from further up north, I just moved here recently cause I’m going to college here in the fall.”

“Oh?” You ask with genuine curiosity. “Which college?”

“NYU.” Your eyebrows raise in surprise as you nod to show you’re impressed. But before you can compliment her Yoonchae speaks for the first time.

“I am too!” Her response causes both you and Megan to look at her, though with two different reasons. You stare at her in confusion while Megan looks happy.

“You are?” Megan asks. “That’s so cool, what are you studying?”

Yoonchae swallows roughly as she thinks. “Umm…computer science.”

“Oo, that’s so cool. I’m going for biochem. Hey, let’s exchange numbers so we can hang, maybe we can even dorm together!”

You hold back laughter as Yoonchae nods a little bit too enthusiastically. When she almost drops her phone you almost crack, but are able to hold it in. An older woman steps out of the audition room with a clipboard in her hand.

“The next five people we are seeing are 2416, 2419, 2435, 2444, and 2452.” She then turns around and walks back into the room. Megan stands with a wide smile.

“That’s me, I’ll text you later?” Yoonchae nods quickly and Megan waves goodbye as she enters the room.

“So…I didn’t know you got into NYU?” You ask when you turn to Yoonchae and she groans.

“Shut up.”

You laugh and she starts to hit you. You both pause when someone stands in front of you. When you guys realize it’s Dani you both stand.

“Hey.” She says casually, but you don’t let it distract you.

“What happened? Did you get it?”

Daniela pauses before nodding. “I did.”

You and Yoonchae immediately start celebrating, pulling her into a hug, but Daniela doesn’t move. She pulls away from you two and looks at you guys seriously. “I’m not taking it.” You and Yoonchae stop celebrating, looking at her confused and shocked.

“What? Why not?” You ask.

“Because I don’t want to spend whatever time you have left traveling without you. I’d rather stay with you and Yoonchae.” You look at her in shock before slowly nodding.

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well.” You wrap an arm around her and Yoonchae and start heading towards the exit. “How you feel about moving to New York?”

She looks at you confused. “New York?”

“Yup apparently Yoonchae got accepted to NYU.”

Yoonchae groans loudly and you laugh.

3 months later

Your eyes flutter open, wincing slightly when the sun shines in your eyes. When your eyes finally adjust you sigh happily at the sight of snow.

The move to New York wasn’t the easiest, especially with Yoonchae attending college, and having to adapt to the drastically different weathers the east had experienced. But you loved it, especially when it snowed.

You sighed going to shift, but pausing when you felt the familiar weight on your chest. Smiling, you lift your hand and run your fingers through the curly hair.

You and Dani were inevitable, once back in LA to pack up your places, you had sat down and talked both coming to realization you still loved each other and wanted to be together for however long you had left.

None of you had expected you to make it past the end of the month, but now, three months later, you and Dani couldn’t be happier.

You gently push her off of you and get out of bed, pausing when she shifts in her sleep. When she seemingly settles you cover her with the rest of your blanket and get ready for the day.

The pan sizzles softly as you place butter in it. Grabbing the bowl next to you you pour some batter into the pan. You wait until the side facing up begins to have bubbles before flipping it over. As you wait for the pancake to finish you feel hands wrap around you.

Dani exhales against your neck as her cold hands ease their way into your shirt. You yelp as the cold shocks you but she just shushes you.

“You weren’t in bed.” Her voice is riddled with sleep and has a rare deepness in it that runs chills down your spine.

You hum softly in response. “Making us breakfast.” You mutter out, as you remove the pancake from the pan and start another. She doesn’t respond as she pulls you impossibly closer and attempts to nuzzle her face deeper into your neck. You finish just like that, the only sounds coming from the snow hitting the window and the pan sizzling.

Dani refuses to separate from you even when you place a plate at the seat she usually does. Sighing softly you turn around and hug her, resting your head on hers.

“You okay?” You ask her lowly, not wanting to interrupt the peaceful atmosphere. She nods against you and lays a small kiss on the base of your neck before pulling away and sitting down. Her eyebrows furrow as you head back to the kitchen and come back with two more plates.

“Who are those for?” She asks.

“Who do you think?” You ask back playfully. As if timed you hear a knock on the door and go to open it. When you come back this time you’re no longer alone.

“Good morning!” Megan yells and Dani winces.

“Babe.” Yoonchae starts. “Dani isn’t a morning person, remember?”

The girl smiles sheepishly before apologizing and taking a seat in front of Daniela. You sit next to the blonde as Yoonchae goes to sit across from you.

You guys start to eat without another word. Once the first month had passed and you seemed to be getting better Yoonchae demanded you meet up daily, just in case something were to happen.

“Got any plans today?” You ask before taking another bite of your food.

“Class.” Yoonchae answers, her mouth full of food, but before you could scold her the girl beside her does it for you. “Sorry.” She says, her cheeks red in embarrassment.

“Do you guys have any plans?” Megan asks.

You shake your head slightly. “No, Dani has rehearsal later. So probably just finishing this show we’ve been binge watching.”

“Well actually,” Dani speaks for the first time. “Rehearsal was cancelled for today, so we can do anything.”

“Really?” You pause to think. “How about we go sledding?”

Dani perks up and nods excitedly.

“I wish we could go.” Megan pouts. “However, I know this really secret place you guys could go to. Discovered it when I first moved here, no one seems to know about it, I can send you the details later if you’d like.”

“That’d be great!”

When breakfast finishes the two college students leave, not after Yoonchae makes sure to remind you that she loves you which you assure her that you know and you love her too. And when Megan sends you the instructions on how to get to the place you and Dani get dressed and leave.

The heater blows loudly in the Jeep and Dani plays softly with your right hand. “How are you feeling?” She asks you. It was a question you were used to her and Yoonchae asking due to an underlying fear they have had since the moment they found out about your condition.

You bring her hand up to your lips and press a kiss softly to the back of it. “I’m okay.” She sighs softly and nods. You can feel a slight somberness fill the air and frown. “Hey, let’s worry about how I’m going to beat you in every race today.” That seems to be enough for Daniela's mind to shift.

“Yeah alright.” She pauses in thought. “Wanna make a bet?”

“I’m listening.”

“Whoever loses has to do the house chores for the next month.”

“Oh you’re on.”

When you guys arrive at the spot you are happy to see there are no other cars in the small parking lot. Going to the trunk you pull out two sleds, handing one to Daniela when she comes to your side.

With a sled in both of your hands you head start to head down the trail to the small slope Megan said would be there. The walk is a bit difficult due to the thickness of the snow, but you guys are in no rush so you don’t mind. Walking past a few trees you come to an opening where the snow is untouched and some tall plants pop up out of the ground.

Inhaling the cold air you close your eyes slightly, enjoying the cold biting at your cheeks. You open your eyes when Dani bumps you with her shoulder.

“You ready to get destroyed?” And when you nod she pushes you into the snow making you laugh in disbelief as she sleds down the small hill.

After a few races, with her taking victory, you both lay side by side at the end of the slope, snow wetting your hats and making chills run through you both. You don’t mind it though as you take in the blue of the sky.

“Hey.” She calls and you turn your head to look at her. “You think we can find a four leaf clover here?”

You sit up and look at her confused. “What?”

She raises her hand and in her gloved hand you see a clover. “So?” And that’s all it takes for you both to pop up, running opposite ways to be the first to find the clover.

You take off your gloves and stuff them in your pocket when you realize your hands are getting wet anyways. Brushing some snow back you find the layer of clovers, plucking some you sigh when you come up empty. Moving to another spot you do the same, only this time freezing when you find it. Plucking it you lift it up, laughing in disbelief at your find.

“Dani!” You exclaim, though you’re not too sure if she heard you as you look down again only this time your heart drops.

You feel the familiar feeling of wetness flow down your face, and on your hand you see red. Bringing your hand up you wipe at your nose in disbelief and when you pull it away to look you see blood. You let out a shaky breath as you stagger, your head throbbing in pure pain. When you try to walk you stumble, falling to the ground, and a gust of wind blows away the clover.

You can tell immediately that this is it. Death has found you finally and you’re terrified.

Your hand shakes as your vision goes blurry, sharp pains fill in your brain. Each breath you take is choked as you struggle, your chest staggering.

You lose feeling in your hands first, no longer do you feel the numbness of the cold. A tear runs down your face as you start to beg, though you are not sure to who. The sky is a flawless blue, the only white coming from a jet flying through the sky, but you are not at peace as you sob.

“Please.” You say, though it comes out low and barely even whole. Your life starts to flash in front of your eyes as your heart starts to slow and you try to push it away. But as your vision begins to blacken you know there is nothing you can do.

You hear Daniela screaming for you in the small moments of clarity you have and you use every bit of strength you have left to turn your head towards her. As your vision begins to flash in and out you see her running towards you, stumbling as she screams. You want to go to her. You want to get up and tell her you were just joking, and then call Yoonchae to tell her about the amazing prank you had just pulled. But you can’t.

Your vision darkens longer this time, almost as if you closed your eyes, but you know you didn’t. At least you think you didn’t, your body is no longer yours to control as your eyes feel heavy and the rest of you feels missing.

When you can see once more you see Dani is in front of you and she’s sobbing, you so badly want to tell her it’s okay, but no words leave your mouth. She picks up your hand and puts it on her cheek, and you wish you could feel her warmth one last time. Your eyes shut once more, and when you open them again you know it will be the last time that you do.

You see Dani speaking, but your hearing is long gone, as terrible silence fills you now. With one last look at her you try to convey that it’ll be okay, that you love her and Yoonchae. You watch her press a kiss to your palm before the darkness takes over you.

[meloodyxx]

i have been restricting myself about posting and reblogging the charity event- but now that its over heres my favorite parts!!

gem being nothing but the judgemental and brutal queen she is the whooole event (need a complimation of just that, thank you)

martyn and ren's treebark arc that started from stragiht up denial in the qna section and resulted in a whole ass drama scene at the very end (bonus points for scar showing up right at the perfect time for it, 10/10, no notes)

that grian and scar clip- yall know what i mean

also that one where someone say llamas and they look at each other

also the one where scar says that hes a cutie

the abseloute slander, toxicity and general friendly discomfort directed at jimmy solidarity all throught the stream- that man did NOT catch a break

the nerf war

cleobot, joelbot and olibot

jimmy getting oli to come online and write the jingle- everyone was expecting it and the moment did not dissappoint

GEM SIGNED PEARL'S ANKLE

return of the giraffe in guess the build

guess the build drawing edition

THE QUIET GAMES it was hilarious i had to spend extra effort just so i didnt wake anybody up with my cackling

HERMITMASTER OMG PEAK ENTERTAINMENT i will be watching that vod 200 times watch me

everyone in the community coming together and donating this much money is CRAZY

people who were donating just for martyn to say silly things- honorable mention to the trenchcoat arc it went through

also for people who have been clipping things, getting screenshots of moments, drawing them in their style, just wanted to say that you guys are the best!

anyways GREAT EVENT!!!!!!!!!

[shuenkio]

愛 I want your Salty ! - 이희승

Paring: Heeseung X M!reader

Synopsis ; It was a teasing joke but who knows your boyfriend would actually let you taste his "Salty" Water?

Genre: Smut Cw: Smau. Non proof read

This is a work of fanfiction, do not throw unnecessary tantrums on this nsfw/sfw blog. ©Shuenkio

A/n: ik there'd be some part that different from the starter, since my brain is not braining— anyway.

In a day of normal life of Mn who always wanted someone who can understand him and can handle him at his worst not only his emotion but his behavior too since he know himself that, he can't control his running lip and thought sometime despite being a random rambler person, and it was just a dream and hoping to find a perfect boyfriend right? right but not until someone like his tinder profile, and text him that they want to meet him, a normal single date between two guys wouldn't hurt a try, so Mn give it a short, lower his expectation and standard so he can take anything they could offer.

Lord have mercy, it not what Mn have expected, the person who asked him out on a date named, Heeseung is just far more than he could imagine after exchange each other life story. Mn was about to explode after learning that Heeseung was just as much as him, just a different body at least, he was casual, blunt, quite, bold and understandable kind of person which make it so perfect if he would be Mn's boyfriend.

Which soon turn to be true, it not Mn who asked the taller if he had a partner, it the other way around. the red hair didnt play once he also find his perfect love on a random day and he would let it slip into thin air? not a chance, after the date end that day, he immediately asked Mn out and asked him to be his, not for a time being but forever, and when Mn ensure about a second thoughts, Heeseung didn't care one bit if there any negative about Mn, He calmy response he know when he see one and that's not his Mn. And the answer cannot be No, if Hee want it he would do anything....

Present time

The day fall into dark, replace by the thousands stars filled the empty sky, the moon were amazing today, it light shine bright through every corner of the busy night city. Mn and Heeseung just got back from running errands today and making both of their ways back to their shared apartment home. Due to the hot weather from the day, when Mn spotted a ice cream truck he was thinking to grab some to cool down their body, and Heeseung just go along with it, anything for his Boyfriend.

And they continue on their way back home, as both of them have ice cream in their palm, licking, sucking, savoring the taste with it cold and yummy flavor. As Mn was eating, he is licking a scoop of ice cream which make his brain freeze for a moment. Heeseung chuckled to the sight, find t amusing and adorable when Mn acting like a toddler. Mn knot his brows together, his expression turn to a fake sulking that draw more laugh from the latter. The good time last for a while, before an idea pop up when Mn thought of something that could make his Boyfriend stun or even freaking shock.

"Stop snorting, This ice cream was too sweet that i could get diabetes ugh why don't you help me" Mn let out a sassy sigh and look away, hoping he would respond to his favor.

"By what, i don't have anything on me except a bottle of water, do want it?" Hee claimed, as he was about to pull out a water bottled from his backpack but was stopped why Mn comments.

"Oh so you thought i want that bland water? joke on you i want a salty one- from You" Smirk appear on Mn face, express the teasing in his tone with a hint of actually want it, knowing that Heeseung won't do such thing, and Mn know his taller bf know what he mean. Result Heeseung to turn his head slowly toward his lover, raise one of his eyebrows,That's even Mn cant even read his face.

Yet he not actually looking and pay much attention to Mn right now, Hee looking for a nearby restroom.

"What are you looking for? Don't take it seriously i was joking let's go back home, it getting late" Mn disappointed and awkward ate him up as nothing slip from Heeseung lip, it was pure silent. Mn was ready to go back home at instant only to get his back collar hooked by Heeseung's finger and dragging Mn to the restroom nearby.

"Don't be, i never said i would not give what you want, you said what you said right?"

"Heeseung....!"

////

Inside the empty restroom, with barely nobody came across at this hour, Heeseung and Mn were in the same stall, just the two of them.

With Heeseung sitting on the toilet, Mn were sitting down on the floor. A lopsided grin painted in the taller face as his fingers dug into the waistband of his pants, all at once before pool down everything on his ankle, with a quite a shift of the fabric, his cock was exposed- vulnerable in a way that giving Mn access to his liking, the cool air brushing over the heated skin making him twitching and throbbing.

"Go on suck it like how you wanted, i don't mind since you like it"

Mn blinked, jaw ticking slightly, like his brain had short circuited but refused to believe what his lover just did.

"Uhhh can i even?-"

"If you don't I'm going to make you yourself darling, do it as you please, suck my cock until it dripping, leaking, and load you milk by the time it fucking drown your throat, like you want it Mn, my salty cum- do i need to say more?"

Heeseung even making sure he was making the right statement for his clueless boyfriend so he could feel at ease, as he lean backward, spread his legs more for his Mn to giving him more entry. He always been the understanding one, quietly patient, nothing really shock him anymore, he would give all the things Mn desire.

Mn eyes spark with satisfations the kind that came when something he longing for finally here. As he slowly insert his boyfriend's jotting massive cock inside his warm mouth then began to bobbing his head in a steady rhyme, taking his time to make this moment longer. While Heeseung just sit still, doing nonthing.

"Just like that Mn, wrapped that hungry lip like you want to eat this cock- fuck hell yeah" The empty room are now filled with soft groan and moaning from the stall, not even care if there anyone would hear them, this is all pleasure that cannot be stop.

Heeseung’s breath caught, shoulders pressing back as his fingers curled tight in hair. He wasn’t being loud, he couldn’t be, but the sounds still slipped from him, unfiltered and low. Quiet groans rolled out of his chest, scattered and rough around the edges like he didn’t know how to hold them in anymore.

"Ah… fuck…" His voice was barely above a whisper, but every word felt heavy, soaked in heat.

The mouth on him moved with intention. Not rushed. Not teasing. Just steady, like something worth savoring. Tongue soft and warm as it swept along the underside, slow and sure, before easing back again. Heeseung shuddered, jaw clenching as his thighs twitched.

He looked down and swore again, eyes glazed, lips parted, chest rising in shallow waves.

"You’re gonna make me… shit, Don't you stop"

Heeseung’s hand dropped to the stall wall, palm flat, searching for something solid. The way he was being taken in wasn’t rough, but it was overwhelming in its care. Like every second had been memorized.

He let out a moan, voice caught in the back of his throat.

"God, your mouth…"

His body trembled as that warmth coiled tight in his stomach. The way he was being taken in, steadily, deeper with each pass, had him spiraling. Heeseung could barely breathe. His other hand tangled deeper in Mn hair, not guiding, just holding on.

"You’re gonna kill me," he whispered, a choked sound following right after.

"Don’t stop. Please. Just… don’t."

His hips jerked once, breath staggering, and the mouth around him adjusted with the same smooth pressure, never missing a beat. A soft hum followed, intentional or not, it didn’t matter. It was the last thing he needed.

“Fuck, I’m gonna…cum, cum cumming ”

With a low, shaky moan, Heeseung tensed. His breath stilled. Then he came, with a massive load, it was quiet but intense, his toes curling as a sound escaped him, raw, soft, almost reverent.

"Swallow it, don't leave any drop darling, just like you need to refresh your sweet tongue"

His head tipped back, neck bared to the too-bright lights above, chest rising in uneven waves as he tried to remember how to breathe. Fingers still tangled, body still pulsing from the aftershock.

"Was it salty like you want now?"

Mn nodded satisfied.

Who wouldn't when you get to suck Dick, especially from someone you loved.

[thegoldenwager]

I yap about Forever + Falling with you

Forever being the end song to murder drones- and its lyrics being what they are

gives me the impression Murder Drones was a big love story about opening up and trust hidden under mounds of comedy and violence

And I dont mean that it ACTUALLY is, its more just.. a silly little feeling I get when i listen to it

Theres something about the song thats so... cozy? So like, softly spoken. A very hummable melody from one lover to another.

also falling with you, like what the fuck

never in my life have I felt a track was so carefully crafted- and prepared, carved out for two specific characters in one specific moment.

She made the choice to sacrifice herself- for him. In her eyes it was the end and if at the end of everything she could guarantee the life of one person it was going to be the one she loves, she didnt know what would be at the other end,

The thing is, he wanted to be there for her. Even when they're knocking on deaths door, he needs to be there.

Its like trust fall exercise, except the focus isnt on 'catch me' cause they'd never let the other fall,

its about making sure they dont fall when youre not looking. It hurts both parties, to crash without warning and to see the one you love fall

I *love* that they dont speak here. She looks to the side, shifting her glances before looking at him.

An unspoken guilt ridden apology.

The response he chooses?

forgiveness,

Even if the result of her actions hurt him- her intentions were good and meant to be entirely in favor of him

And in this moment, with their current history and with a yet to be seen future, he forgives her,

Cause at the very least, they're together again. He could save her.

And her look just, screams thank you to me.

Thank you for forgiving me, saving me-

for everything :) /ref

lighthearted preparation for whats to come :)

legitimately, what she says, reiterating herself "die mad bitch"

knowing theyre heading into the end of the world to prevent it?? Theyre going off to the fucking trenches together, key word this time being together

And then the horrible unexpected !

Uzi is ripped away from N, confronted with what her home has become, the universe is practically screaming at her to fix it, pushing her towards the end without mercy

But shes not doing it alone, she cant do it alone, not again, not this time

And he wouldnt let her

The universe could endlessly attempt to wield its cosmic grasp to push these two apart but itd never work, itd never end with them alone

Their love- their pure devotion to each other,

is so celestial in its own right

Not super related to my ramble but i love that in them becoming official (I will not call this a confession, N definitely confessed the previous episode)

Uzis so.. wagh.. her eyes.

That trademark look of panic or worry- I mean what would you expect from the black sheep of the colony? Being excluded on the daily, left to your own abandoned devices?? The reassurance she was requesting just, ughh.. my heart...

and the way. He fucking looks at her

Its so, soft. He knows she has not a thing to worry about. His heart is completely and utterly hers. Where most would die for their love, he lives for her.

The universe would be dammed to ever try and separate pure unbridled love like this ever again

ERM< ANYWAY that was super gay ew idk why im like. obsessed with their relatinshuio ahhajfhdgjbsjhfm someone blow me up

[highway-143]

expecting- park jongseong

genre: fluff, implied smut (but there is none)

pairing: husband!jay x fem!reader

word count: tbd

song: hold my hand (han)- stray kids

(proofread!)

all scenarios are fake and are not meant to harm any idol in the story

------<3------

"okay," you let a puff of air exit your lungs. "this is it... the moment..." your words trail off as you shakily reach for the box on your bathroom counter

the lights were blinding, not soft as usual... it was too much. the hum of the washing machine, the barking of the neighbor's dog... hell, even the wind rustling the trees was a sensory overload in your nervous state

you pick up the box and review the instructions. you had waited the correct amount of time... right?

wrong.

your phone, your stupid phone, only said two minutes had passed. two minutes? that couldnt be right. it had felt like twenty

you started seeing the signs three weeks ago. you werent feeling as... horny... as you usually did while ovulating, and your period was late this week. late meaning almost three weeks. today was when you finally realized, "oh shit, im probably pregnant"

so you picked yourself up off the couch and drove to the store, picking up some groceries (mainly ice cream) and a test. the dreaded test.

you pull out your phone to distract yourself, but inevitably end up swiping in and out of apps mindlessly, too preoccupied with your thoughts to pay any attention to instagram.

you hear the lock of the key clicking in the front door, and scramble to hide everything. you shove the box into a drawer and fling yourself on the bed, acting like you had been there for hours... but the speed of your breathing probably didnt seem to get the message

"hey baby," jay smiles as he walks into your room. "how was your day?" he climbs over you and lays on top of you, crushing your arms onto your stomach.

"jay.... get-... cant... breathe" you gasp as he rolls off of you and to your side, laughing maniacally

"every time," he shakes his head in amusement, loose strands of hair sweeping in front of his eyes. god, he looked so handsome right now. "so how was your day?"

"uhh..." your gaze briefly darts to the bathroom. "good," you turn back to jay. "i went to the store... did some shopping. how was yours?"

"good. long, but good. im taking next week off though!" he says, beaming with the surprise

you look at him in shock "why?! you never take weeks off! even when you were sick last year!"

"well... i wanted to surprise you!" he grabs your hand "how would you feel about a vacation... maybe... hawaii? or japan? maybe france?"

"no way!" you sit straight up in excitement "youre serious?" you ask, and he gives you a smirk and a nod "oh hell yeah babe! god knows i could use a vacation right now!"

"great! i can get everything set up by the end of the day. where do you want to go?"

"hawaii for sure!" you jump around the room, uncoordinated and unashamedly. "im going to hawaii, im going to hawaii" you chant in a sing-song voice, while jay shakes his head and laughs, looking at you with complete adoration in his eyes. he would give the world to see you so happy

"im gonna pack. i'll do your stuff too," you say while running to the closet, dragging out two heavy suitcases from the back corner. "do you have any requests?"

"just whatever you like. i'll go start dinner."

"sounds good!" you blow him a kiss and continue your chants of "im going to hawaii, im going to hawaii!"

the second jay is out of the room, you run right back to the bathroom, rifling throught the drawer for the pregnancy test. your spasming fingers pull it out of the box to find the results

two lines.

two. lines.

your knees give out and you crumple to the floor, tears spilling out of your eyes and all over your shirt. how could this be happening? your brain was a sea of emotions, all fighting for most important in the chaos of news

excitedness, because youve wanted a baby for so long

fright, because what did you know about having a baby?

confusion, because how were you supposed to tell jay?

uncertianty, because what if the test was wrong?

and finally, anxiety. how were you supposed to take care of a tiny human for nine months, only for it to be born and even more unsafe than it was in your uterus?!

you scramble to get your spare test, quickly using it and putting it on the counter, only to wait another fidteen minutes for a second result

the same result.

those two damn lines

you put your back on the wall, head in your knees, letting silent tears course through your body.

"baby?" jay calls from the kitchen. "are you okay in there?"

"all good!" you say, hoping he didnt notice your voice cracking

"well dinner is ready!"

"okay, i'll be out in five, im just... using the bathroom!"

------<3------

at 7:00 AM the next morning, you and jay are running to your gate at the airport, sliding right into the boarding group just before it finished. jay gripped your hand tightly as you found your seats and sat down

you worried the entire flight. what if there was too much turbulence? would that hurt the baby? what if you got hurt and it died?

you rested a hand on your stomach the whole time, catching jay's attention

"are you okay baby?" he interlocked his fingers with yours

"yeah, im fine. why wouldnt i be?"

"you look a little queasy... did you eat something bad?"

"no, i think im fine... just nervous about flying over the ocean, i guess"

"well im right here," he squeezed your hand tighter and brought it to his lips for a kiss. "i'll protect you. you know that"

------<3------

you both step out into the humidity. hawaii was gorgeous, the palm trees swaying gracefully in the afternoon wind, the chirps of animals could be heard everywhere, and you could see the faint trace of a marine layer still dancing along the skies of the beach

you turn to jay excitedly. "jay! its so beautiful here!" you giddily jump up and down as you make your way to the taxi.

it takes you to the hotel, where jay carries your bags to your room on the fourth floor, the window offering a breathtaking view of the honolulu skyline. you could see the waves crashing on the sand of the beach, and the hawaii store-goers doing shopping in the slowly setting sun

the two of you decide on going out for dinner to a fancy restaurant, putting on formal clothing.

you wear a low cut spaghetti strap dress, all made of black, silky material. it looks beautiful on you, and you take a a moment to admire yourself in the bathroom mirror.

jay walks in, doing his tie, and you stare blankly at him. hes in a plain white shirt and black slacks, a normal combo, but for some reason, the hawaii air does something to him. he looks so incredibly handsome, you almost forget to breathe.

he has a very similar reaction to you, his stare making your cheeks heat up.

"youre glowing, baby" he grips your waist and sways in place. "so beautiful... gorgeous"

he leans down to kiss your lips, taking your breath away. youve kissed him more times than it was humanley possible to keep track of, but every time felt like the first. passionate and loving, but also sexy. very sexy

you find the restaurant and sit at a small table, ordering a food that you couldnt really pronounce the name of, and a wine that probably cost more than your dress, but you didnt care.

you honestly couldnt focus.

you planned on telling jay tonight, but you were dreading his reaction.

of course he wanted a kid, but what if now wasnt the right time? what if he wasnt ready? what if he stressed too much?

you decide to just bite the bullet and tell him. you suck in a breath of air and let it out with a "jay, theres something i have to tell you"

"whats up baby?" shit, he looks worried now.

"uhh...." you bite your lip and twirl your fingers around. "im... im pregnant, jay" you whisper

"youre kidding" he says, a smirk growing on his face "theres no way! i mean, we didnt..." his train of thought trails off as he realizes

"i am. im sorry if you arent ready-"

he cuts you off. "not ready? baby ive wanted a kid for months now! this is the best thing to ever happen to me!" he grabs your hands and smiles as wide as he is physically able to. "why do you think my pull out game has been trash lately?"

you laugh and let a relieved sigh leave your lungs. "i did wonder..." you said, teasing him more"

"im going to be the best dad ever. both to the baby, and you." he leans over the table and places a kiss on your cheek. "you dont have to worry about anything, im gonna take care of you."

"i know you will"

------<3------

a.n- thanks for reading!! lol this one was js sitting in my brain last night so sorry its short XD if you liked it, please reblog and leave ideas/comments! ty <3

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