#same tho Shads I also cannot lose sight of the bug without Fear

[miniscrew-anon]

hwehwehwehwehwe spooder

——

“Do you want me to leave and never come back? Is that what you want, huh? To be alone with that freak of nature instead of me?”

“You’re the only freak of nature here.” Four answered bluntly, eyes never straying from his work. He was very pointedly ignoring Shadow’s usual dramatics. Which Shadow would normally not mind. That was kind of their thing.

Except this time his drama is completely justifiable and not at all exaggerated.

Because there is a spider on the ceiling.

Shadow scowls from the other side of the garage, eyes flickering up and down between Four and their eight-legged company, barely able to risk looking away lest the creature make a run for it. “You meant to tell me that thing is normal? It’s huge! It’s big enough to eat you! Which, granted, isn’t saying much-“

“It’s a normal, non-venomous species native to this region.” Four gives him the stink-eye. “You just haven’t seen any because you don’t go outside-“

“Are you saying I don’t touch grass?”

“-and these types don’t normally live inside houses because they’re too big to fit through the normal small cracks and openings.”

Shadow blinks at him. “Okay, do you not hear how terrifying that is? These guys don’t normally live inside because they’re too big?? Are you trying to convince me turn to burn the house down? Did you get put on the insurance policy or something?”

“I’m pretty sure deliberate arson voids most home insurance policies.”

“I wouldn’t put it past your landlord to have special insurance. He seems like the kinda guy who someone would love to set on fire.” Shadow responds. His neck isn’t starting to develop a crick because he won’t look away from the monstrosity above them. “Would you just kill it already? Or move and let me do it?”

There’s gotta be a long distance weapon he can use somewhere around here; a can of Raid, or a shotgun.

Four just calmly blows from wood shavings off his latest project. “No. I’m not letting you climb on my desk. Leave it alone. It’s just a spider.”

“It’s a pest!”

“No, you’re a pest.” Four corrects. “Just ignore it. It’s a good bug.”

Shadow scoffs. “There’s no such thing as a ‘good bug’. That’s a lie spread by Big Bug. They’re all gross and ugly and need to get wiped from Farore's green earth. How can you just sit there while that thing is right above your head?! What if it falls on your head? Or you get stuck in its web?”

The spider was scarily large, thick and spindly and terrifying. And it has made its home in the rafters of the garage, directly above Four’s workbench where Shadow would normally loiter. But with the danger of a dangling creepy crawly, Shadow won’t even cross the room.

That little fucker is taking his spot.

“Good bugs do exist. They act as a natural population control to other bugs that are much more annoying-” Four gives Shadow a very pointed look, who responds with a Who? Moi? “-And the spider isn’t going to come down. It’s comfortable where it is. Just pretend it’s not there.”

“But I know it’s there! I can’t not look! What if it moves?” Shadow laments.

“Oh no. The horror.”

Shadow grumbles. Clearly he wasn’t going to find any sympathy here.

Logically he knows Four’s right - that creepy crawly wasn’t going to be moving. He should be fine to approach. So he swallows his fear and creeps forward, doing his best to ignore the menace above his head. He nearly gets within arms reach of Four’s table when paranoia shoots down his spine.

“Nope!” Shadow leaps back, He looks up - phew, still there and not dangling an inch above his head. “No no Nope. Fuck this. I can’t do it. I’ll be in your room. Call me after you squish that fucking thing.”

Four watches Shadow slink you the stairs, dejected that his nonsense was stopped before it even began. He glances upward to his eight-legged roommate, who was so innocently waiting for his next meal.

Pest control indeed.

——

Which Links are unbothered by bugs and which ones scream for another Link to come save them?

~🐹

Time - Dislikes spiders for the fact that they'll catch fairies in their webs. Kills on sight, no mercy.

Twilight - Twi is team "gently scoop into a cup and place back outside." Farm living has desensitized him to all things creepy and crawl-ey. He definitely ate a bug on a dare when he was a kid and promptly got an upset stomach.

Wild - Shrieks for someone, anyone to come take care of whatever creeper has entered his bedroom.

Champion - Could not be bothered less. Will coexist with spiders without blinking an eye. The world is full of much more horrific horrors.

Warriors - Nope. No. N- fuck, no. He will give all bugs a wide berth as he sneaks around them in the bathroom to grab his hair straightener/dryer/towel and call for Sky immediately.

Sky - He was the most adorable awkward terrible-at-catching-bugs bug catcher as a kid. He'd run in circles swatting that net around and catching fuck-all. He's also not terribly good at it as an adult; he'll come in with a shoe or a swatter and usually miss by a mile while the bug toddles off in the opposite direction, setting his terrified roommate screaming while he's red-faced and trying to squish the damn thing eighty times. (Unless Twi comes in to intervene.)

Four - Sees no difference between his two-legged and eight-legged roommates. So long as the spiders stay out of his work and out of his hair, he's chill. They keep the flies down when he's got the garage door open.

Legend - Gets quietly creeped out by things that creep and crawl. He'll stare and be avoidant, but he will do his best not to squish. Not unless they touch him. Then it's no holds barred.

Hyrule - No surprise that our fastidious little doctor abhors all things buggy. He'll quietly come find someone braver than himself to take care of the six- or eight-legged menace. During a demonstration of medical leeches he once nearly fainted.

Wind - You'll know he's located a bug in his room by the war cry. He usually chooses something large and unwieldy to squish with - gods forbid he dirties a sneaker - and you can hear him smashing that metal trash can or discarded box all over his room in epic futility.

Dark - Who else is he going to talk to on those long, lonely nights? He had a spider for a cellmate and talking to it helped Dark keep his grip on sanity while he was in solitary. Judges people who squish spiders.

Shadow - NOOOOOOOONONononononono. He's one of the only civilized Links-adjacent who has bug baits in his apartment to keep them out. If he sees a spider it's squish-spray-sanitize in less than a minute. Shadow may be a skrunkle but he is fastidious.

Ravio - His shriek can shatter glass.