#however this can be applied to whoever y'all want

[nikyutsu]

trangender bitches with scraggly hair make me go feral

[vqrtualheartss]

ᴅ☆ᴇ'ꜱ ꜱᴀʏ|

Y'ALL MY PAGE?? LIKE, no like seriously thank like all of you for supporting me🥹. It means a lot to me and all the comments mwah thank you so so much. Also, how do you reply to reblogs..

I've been sick for the last few days so that's why I haven't been producing anything so, my bad. I'll try and get started soon. swr

Also, I am not trying to sexualise Miles because, He's a minor. I'm a minor. If you're reading this I expect you to be a minor

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 Warnings ─ smoking/ vaping, suggestive content (very suggestive) , kissing, miles is aged up to 19 - reader 18

𝓘𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓭𝓾𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 | So, basically, you're at a lil' get-together with your friends —These can be whoever— and like every teenage sleepover , truth or dare was being played. Unlike the traditional game of playing it individually, this time however it was in randomised pairs and you got paired with Miles. How lucky were you? He's been the person you've been crushing on for so. so. long since freshman. Casting your feelings aside, you convinced yourself that it was useless liking him given how he just sees you as a "little sister". To hell with that. They resurfaced themselves as you all grew, you aged like fine wine, he got fine-er (??) it was almost impossible not to.

"Truth or dare (y/n)?" It was past 11 on a rainy night, I didn't see the bad in any of the choices. "Dare"

"Feeling risky are we?" f/n teased as Miles let out a coarse laugh barely passing over my head. I was set between his legs that circled under mine stretching over his. "Pick a number" Resting on one of her arms she anticipated my answer, her partner rubbing his thumb over their interlocked hands.

The request confused me a bit, but I replied anyway "32" her eyes glistened with mischief passing me.. a vape? Brand new too. Just as confused as I was, Miles leaned over to inspect the item, pressing down into my back I squirmed uncomfortably . Using his hands to steady himself, he held onto my hips stopping at my ear muttering, "My bad, I'll be gentle in the future". I hummed a shaky 'mhm' in reply, trying to distract myself from thoughts .

Leaning at a lower angle, our bodies held direct contact from our pelvises, not to mention his hands that were situated on the small of my back rubbing circles and drawing lines upwards, slightly arching it. Refraining from making any type of movement —given we were around people—, I focused back to (f/n) who was instead of explaining my dare, sending me the look with a devilry ridden smirk. shit.

Knowing her by now, I knew she was most definitely planning something, and as much as I wanted to maintain a blithe expression, I couldn't. The feelings of his cold rings on my back had me weak, trembling lightly each time he used his knuckles or pressed harder. The low, knowing chuckles he released becoming frequent as I fumbled underneath his fingers, widening my eyes at (f/n) I urged for her to start.

Giggling, she began "So, for this dare, I want you to take 32 hits" I tilted my head because she pointed to..Miles, but gave the vape to me.

"Let me continue, hold on, She'll be the one giving you the smoke. Until finished you two are excluded from the game"

I hesitated looking at the vape still in my hand, pushing it out as I protested. It wasn't that I didn't want to do it, I doubted that he would

"I don't think that-"

"Shit's easy, my tolerance is high" Using a hand of his to apply even more pressure to my back, he used the other to push away my hand.

"Okay and?" I observed attentively, (f/n)'s tone was a little more annoyed than before, and knowing what I know she likes to fight.

"Just saying, if you're gonna give me a dare atleast make it interesting" where's this going? I turned away from Miles to view both faces. He pulled me back, placing both hands around my waist squeezing it before (f/n) added

"Then do it 'till he's sky high then, be my guest" Their bickering brought on the attention of the rest of the group looking at us. He shrugged, she scoffed winking at me discreetly before turning focus to the rest of the group. Okayy then, I know her reason but what's his ?

As obvious as it was that we both wanted to do this I turned around, kneeling. Placing a hand on my lower thigh he shook his head snickering "Your knees are going to go weak if you stay like that." he brought his legs together, suggesting I'd sit on them. Somewhat reluctant I brought myself over, slowly draping each of my legs on a side of his.

Taking the first hit I leaned over to kiss Miles, exchanging the smoke from my mouth to his as he opened giving me access, things went like that for a while. Around hit 15 his hands found my back, making my body involuntarily arch as they raised each time I bent over and sliding down when I retracted. I did not have a high tolerance for nicotine and you could probably tell by my state. My eyes rested low, body completely pressing into each other's as I wrapped an arm around his neck collecting myself. Nearing his mouth to my ear he cooed, "Poor thing, can't even function under a little smoke".

Pressing his lips just beneath my ear lobe I felt the corners of his lips turn upward, letting out a raspy laugh before pulling back. Taking my chin into his hand he turned my vision and focus to him, taunting as we made eye contact "Show me you can do it"

I gave a jestful scowl that turned into a smile accepting his challenge. Inhaling the fumes a smug look plastered onto his face, grinning as I took a long hit.

Leaning over with slightly puffed cheeks, I was certain he didn't see through my bluffing, if anything I was more than sky high, but what's the harm in getting kisses from Miles? Nothing. exactly. Safe to say that kiss lasted longer than needed but who cares? He wanted it. I wanted it. We'll probably forget about everything in the morning being high and all.

Pulling back I placed a hand on my fluctuating chest to atleast try to control my breathing. Miles looked down at me with the same smirk whilst chewing on his bottom lip, his eyes resting lower, hand slipping from behind my nape to the level of his other one just above my ass.

Twisting my head slightly I noticed the room alot emptier, a result of pairs "using the bathroom" lol. The others were either asleep or in other rooms, had it been that long? Shrugging to the question I hoisted myself over Miles' body to get up , well tried to. Pulling me down by my waist he took the hand I had on my shirt, intertwining them as we kissed, pushing back, I shook my head

"We can't, you're high and under the influence" I reminded him, well myself

"We both are. Drunk actions, sober thoughts right?" Slipping in to temptation I sighed placing my head onto his shoulder. "Tell me to stop and I'll do just that. Just say the word" I turned my face away from his, staying silent. He knew what was happening, he knew the effect he had on me, he knew everything

I bit back "I hate you" "I'll have you saying otherwise"

©vqrtualheartss 2023 ©dae 2023

[tk-duveraun]

4/? Luo Binghe is SO NORMAL about Shen Yuan

1, 2, 3, 4 (here), 5

Read up through even numbered parts on (fic will update tomorrow, y'all just get this early - but there won't be a part tomorrow or saturday)

Instead of a Qian Cao room, Luo Binghe found himself in one of Qing Jing's guest rooms. Since Shen Qingqiu was such an ass, few people ever visited Qing Jing and the room showed it by still being musty despite however long Luo Binghe had been unconscious.

When he woke, Ming Fan had grunted "Finally" and disappeared without further comment.

"Linguang-jun wasn't impressed, but given your position that's probably for the best." The demon in his head said.

"Whose side are you on?" Luo Binghe returned.

"Whoever is stronger, obviously, this Meng Mo intends to be part of the new regime."

Luo Binghe, who knew of Linguang-jun's ignoble death, snorted. "Am I getting the antidote or not?"

"A 'package from home' should arrive for you shortly. I suggested he have one of his underlings including a light poison to fake symptoms for you. Little Mobei's pet human suggested spreading the narrative the poison was actually Cureless, not Without-a-Cure, since you were stupid enough to get scratched."

"What kind of demon would let their fixation be poisoned?" Luo Binghe indulged in baring his teeth, even if he wasn't sure the other demon would know.

"Fair enough, kid. Who knows, human pets go in and out of fashion every few hundred years. You and Little Mobei can give them playdates."

"Enough," Luo replied before throwing his mental walls up. Once he was truly alone, he sent a silent prayer of thanks that speaking conventions made the demon say his own name. Meng Mo wasn't a demon he was familiar with, but the only demons that were wanted a piece of Shen Yuan, so it only spoke well of Meng Mo's continued existence, if he could be talked into actually helping Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe was testing the limits of his new infirmity when the door slid open to reveal his beloved. Shen Yuan was dressed primly in his layers and fine guan, but there were deep bags under his eyes, hidden poorly by the powder Shen Jiu applied to him every morning.

Shen Yuan closed the door behind himself and sealed it with two talismans: one that glowed blue and one that sent a wave of purple light across the space. He sat next to Luo Binghe's bed and poured him a cup of water.

"Drink."

"Shizun wouldn't be feeding this poor Disciple a truth serum, would he?" Luo Binghe asked, letting his eyes tear up.

Shen Yuan scoffed and opened his fan with a crack. He covered all but his eyes, which were narrowed in calculation.

Okay, Luo Binghe could see how people thought he might be Shen Jiu's twin. He started sweating. Shen Yuan never went serious in IRS unless he was about to kill something.

"Disciple Luo and this Master both know such a thing is unnecessary. We've already come to this point, what's the point in pretending?"

What the fuck? Shen Yuan was OOC! Was that possible?

[Shen Yuan is within character parameters. User is advised to complete side quests to understand the history between Shen Yuan and Luo Baixiao.]

Excuse me?!

"Shizun will have to enlighten this stupid Disciple." Luo Binghe looked at his hands so he couldn't see his beloved's cold expression. It was one thing to commission Shen Yuan with that gaze and artfully streaked with blood, it was another to have it aimed at him.

Well, aimed at him when not a prelude to hate-sex.

Anyway.

"This Master was well-aware of Disciple Luo's demonic nature, unless he thinks this Master dumb as well as blind?"

Uh, Luo Binghe didn't really have anything to say to that. Since when? How? Snowballing, do not say that those extremely awkward transitions in this arc were you simply deleting sections? Luo Binghe could only pitifully mutter, "Of course not. This Disciple has nothing but respect for Shizun."

Shen Yuan laughed, jagged and shrill. "Of course. Let it be known this Master kept Mu-shidi from investigating Disciple Luo's poison sufficiently. Sect rumor is that the incompetent demon Elder Sky Hammer misremembered the poison he applied."

"Thanking Shizun." Luo Binghe risked a glance up, but Shen Yuan's expression was still frosty. He flinched.

Silence reigned far more than long enough to be uncomfortable. Finally Shen Yuan closed his fan and sighed. "This Master doesn't know what Disciple Luo intended to gain from this. Or from his previous actions, but know well: this Master will not let harm come to Cang Qiong."

"This Disciple understands."

Luo Binghe didn't understand anything, but he also didn't want to check the smug System's list of side quests to explain what the fuck was going on. What did gamers call it? Smashing? He was going to have to smash through the side quests as soon as possible to figure out what his relationship with Shen Yuan was supposed to be so he could rehabilitate it.

At least he had successfully unlocked OOC. He didn't want to imagine what weird dialogue options the System would have fed him.

Shen Yuan left without another word.

[simaddix]

*Pay Attention - Part 2 - Tutorial*

I was about to go back to my business and quietly leave y'all with a word of wisdom but the very next package I opened raised my hackles. So here we go, hold on to your seat.

Disclaimer for younger/sweeter - followers - this has language in it because I'm pissed... I apologize in advance.

49,282 Polycounts. That's 50K for a fucking basket!!!

It's pretty, it's beautiful, and I downloaded it because it's everything you could want out of a basket of lemons... whoever created it did an outstanding job... for a movie production.

NOT PC GAMES.

So let's fix it - and let's hold our creators and converters to a higher standard or send them along to a different platform where they can create without our bitching.

First off, there's 3 or 4 ways you can check polycounts.

1 - TSRW under Mesh tab

2 - S3PE (Pretty sure you have to have an addon to do this - I'll try to find it when I'm done and add the link) Under MLOD, right click and go down to Preview. It'll open up a window and you can view the model and the polycount.

3 - 3D Viewer on your computer

4 - Blender or Milkshape

Now that we have the ability to check our polycount - we're gonna fix this mesh. I'm not going to show you how to package it, there are other tutorials for that part, but this is VITAL to having a healthy game, and honestly, being a creator or converter for this game. I do understand that you have to have the knowledge before you can fix a problem, so here it is - literally handed to you in a basket. I also understand that there are creators/converters who don't post polycounts because they're afraid people won't download it - that is inexcusable. If that's the case then you will eventually be boycotted by the players who know better.

Alright, so step one - you're going to want to get into blender after exporting your mesh. You're going open the modifier properties and add a decimate modifier (the wrench circled in red, and the add modifier drop down menu).

Keep it in Collapse, not un-subdivide. It's gentler on the mesh itself and you'll get a lot farther with it. You're also going to want your UV map to match what you're doing with your mesh, in case you need it for selection (I'll explain that in a minute) and have faces tagged so the selection is easier.

Now that you have that set up, you're gonna want to remove unnecessary vertices. See the shadows on the bottom of the basket? Here's how to fix that - hit tab, press A to select everything, and then go to MESH/MERGE/BY DISTANCE. This removed 16,900 loose vertices that didn't need to be there.

Go back to your modifiers and add an edge split modifier and hit apply.

Boom - no shadows.

Now that that is all done you're going to go in to edit mode (tab) and press L while hovering over what you're wanting to select. This is going to select all of the islands in your UV, and it's the fastest way (that I've found) to quickly select pieces of your mesh.

When you have your whole group selected (you can also figure out at this point what pieces need alternate textures or groups for TSRW later in your packaging process) you're going to hit P-Selection. That's gonna split whatever you have selected into a separate group.

Now, you can do that to however many pieces you see fit, but for this I'm just gonna stick with two - the lemons and the basket itself. You're going to click the blue Ratio box - and type in .5 and hit enter. That will collapse your polycount in half - (you can move that ratio box lower if you wish, but this way is the gentlest way possible and I've gotten better results. So play with it and see for yourself if you wish to. ) - Now repeat the process until your mesh starts to lose quality, I tend to stop there unless I can push it a bit further without making it look bad.

Now repeat that process with all groups.

Given that this particular mesh was such high polycount and an intricate mesh, I could only manage to get it from 49,282 faces (polys) down to 18,860. This is absolutely not okay for TS3 - and I'm using as a lesson rather than using something that I can get down to an okay level - because this is what you're going to run into when getting meshes that start in the tens of thousands of polys. THIS IS NOT MEANT FOR TS3, it's beautiful, yes, but you are putting people's equipment at risk by advertising a mesh for a 13 year old game without disclaiming that it's dangerous for it.

This tutorial will absolutely work for most objects, and I've used this process for a couple of years now with success, but you have to be able to decide what you're willing to put into TS3. We have all of these tutorials for reducing lag in this old as dirt game, but NONE of that matters if you're carrying objects like this - no matter how pretty they are.

If you need it that bad, figure out how to make a version of it that CAN look as good as this with a little less detail (think the spirals in the wicker that is actually meshed rather than just textured), or ask a creator to make something for you.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. If I have the time, I try to help whoever comes into my inbox. If I can't help, there is a hoard of creators out there that probably can.

So have fun, CHECK YOUR CONTENT, and keep your computer safe.

And creators/converters - do better.

Edit to add - to the creators/converters who do put out their polycounts, or a disclaimer of high poly/photo use only - thank you. I do understand the need for high poly objects for photo-op purposes, and I'm not here to attack anyone's preferred gaming style. I just want people to be safe while they play, as there are those who don't know what they're putting into their games. Let's help ensure that everyone has a chance to play whether they're experienced creators or regular game-players.

Edit to add 2 -

To add a bit of context - I was able to get the reduced mesh even further by removing some of the intricate details of the mesh, to create a simpler version. This is now down to 5,270 - and it could be lowered even further by removing the top of the handle - which is 1700 by itself because it's spiraled. So when you're dealing with a high mesh object such as this, pay attention to what's really adding weight, and if you can replace/remove it without taking too much away. The shadows can be fixed in gimp as well.

[chengfagshi]

I need certain people to understand that it’s okay to dislike something, or to feel disgusted by something

No really, it’s okay! Disgust is a natural response from our body that protects us from potential harm. But a disgust reaction alone is NOT EQUAL to harm!

For example, some small children think greens (veggies) are disgusting. However, the existence of veggies alone and feeling disgust doesn’t cause harm

now apply this to fandoms

it’s okay to feel disgusted by fan works

it’s okay to have squicks

it’s totally fine to have “do not wants” and “do not interact”

it’s okay to block whatever and whoever. You don’t even have to give a reason why!

it’s also okay to criticize fan works (if someone consented to it or if you rant to a friend about it or make some vague mentions about it)

But what will never ever be okay is to tell someone that their and the works they make/published are disgusting and harmful because you (general) feel triggered.

It’s also not and will never be okay to be the nastiest person to someone else either. I don’t care how disgusted you feel, but I bet most people do this because angrily beating something down they think causes harm feels good. Getting those likes retweets for telling someone “hahaha kys pedo!!” gives a sense of (fake) justice and moral superiory

But also, why surround yourself with things you dislike when you could surround yourself with the things you like? Isn’t that so much healthier? Doesn’t that bring more joy?

Stop being an asshole, stop reading the fanfic if it’s not fitting your tastes, mute and block accounts and terms, and definitely use filters to weed out things you don’t like

thanks to a robust tagging system, avoiding something has become easier than ever. The internet and social media will never ever cater to one person alone, and definitely not to you. It’s your job to curate your own internet experience and if you can’t do that, then ask your parents, other relatives, teachers etc

This 💯. And it applies to EVERYTHING online. Not just the gross "icky" stuff. I saw someone's art the other day. This character had really big boobs and really big thighs and someone felt the need to post this in the qrts, which ended up getting 100K likes.

Ok, you can hate "horny artists" if you want, but no need to announce it to the world and be a mean bully bitch about it. People do this with straight ships too. God forbid someone ships fucking JaneSeth in zzzero. People will throw a fit because they headcanon her as lesbian and that means their hc is the only one that matters apparently, despite Jane flirting with men and women in the game. I remember when headcanons were these fun little things in fandom that you had without being like "Well she's ACTUALLY a lesbian and if y'all don't agree, you're lesbiphobic". People need to learn to block and move on more. Instead of being a dickhead to ppl, curate your online experience. Commenting on something you hate all the time is actually gonna make you see it MORE often, but they're not ready for that conversation.

[justcallmecj]

Epic: the Musical x MDZS???

As someone who just listened to the entirety of the Epic: the Musical playlist for the first time just the other day, all of these songs have been on loop in my head.

However, MDZS fandom, imagine this musical, but with the characters as those from the Odyssey...

(Heads up, some of this may completely disregard any blood relations or other relationships from canon. It's all for fun and food for thought so take nothing to heart)

There is a feral part of my brain that wants Wei Wuxian to be Odysseus. Both are men who just want to be with their families but are constantly being screwed over by the world, even if some of the tragedies are their own fault. Incredibly smart and cunning, too much for their own goods at times. And, admit it, Wei Ying would attract the attention of a goddess like Athena, or whoever the mdzs equivalent of that would be (Boashen Senren??)

This would make Lan Zhan as Penelope and Lan Yuan as Telemachus and I'm oddly okay with that even if canon Lan Zhan would have gone on that voyage with Wei Ying.

It is completely against her canon personality, but imagine Jiang Yanli as Circe? Using her infamous soup to trick men and turning them into pigs (or another animal more Yanli suited?) She's fiercely loyal and protective of her nymphs, much like canon Yanli is to her brothers and has "been in love once before" like Circe's line in There Are Other Ways, which would be Jin Zixuan in this case. (This is all under the pretense that there were never any sibling relations between wwx and Yanli bc...if you know the song, you know)

Idk who Jiang Cheng would be bc his personality doesn't fit neither Polites or Eurylochus, who were the closest to Odysseus/Wwx. Y'all can tell me what you think bc this also applies to Nie Huaisang.

Omg imagine Wen Chao as fucking Polyphemus making Poseidon Wen Ruohan. Kinda makes sense since wwx did kill WC in canon and tbh WR did not care about that kid, much like Poseidon was more upset that Odysseus had dishonored him by leaving his son blind.

Could Aeolus be resentful energy? Bc resentful energy is born from wronged humans after death, it tends to be vengeful/mischievous/looking to bring misfortune. These traits apply to Aeolus in the musical, getting a laugh out of playing with Odysseus' men and tricking him. Iffy with this one but a cool thought regardless.

I have no other ideas since this was simply me fantasizing moments with the mdzs characters while listening to the songs, but please give some opinions/thoughts if you have any!

[the-lupine-sojourner]

Sarada, Princess of the Saiyans [’Season’ 1 Episode 1]

Okay! I know I do not need a new story, but this won't get out of my head so here we go!

So I am using the Super Broly movie for how Vegeta and Sarada found out that their race and planet were gone. So anyway, let's get this going, shall we? Lemme know if y'all want more of this story, okay?

Okay, and one last thing: the fantastic cover art was done by Stupidoomdoodles on Tumblr. I believe the picture is supposed to be female Vegeta, but I also see it as pretty close to my mental image of Sarada, so...here we are!

Real quick, I wanted to tag my bestie @elite-guard-hardygal who very graciously let me show them the first handful of episodes of Dragonball Z when I was able to go up there for their birthday! Wow I had so much fun and a lot of great memories from those few days. :) Let me know if you have any questions, galfriend!! 

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this story and let me know if you guys want more! 

God bless and Good Day!

~The Lupine Sojourner

"Vegeta?" He turns his head to me from when we were doing our exercises in an effort to raise our power levels.

"What is it?" He asks sharply, not liking the interruption of his concentration. I move on to the next exercise before replying.

"Why do we have to kill everyone on the planets we're assigned to?" I ask. Vegeta halts and so do I, the question hanging in the air like the increased gravity in the chamber.

"What kind of question is that?" Vegeta snaps back. "We- -that's how it's always been! We Saiyans are warriors, conquerors!"

"But why can't we just let them live under us?" I press. Vegeta sighs, crossing his arms before turning a slightly annoyed look toward me.

"You want to be stronger, right, Sarada?" He asks. I nod.

"Yes, of course!"

"Then you have to prove yourself, keep testing your limits! Destroying weaker species is just Survival of the Fittest at work! It's not our fault our opponents are so weak." I blink.

"So if we find opponents stronger than us...do we let them live with us?" I ask. By Vegeta's logic, that made sense, at least to me.

"There are no species stronger than the Saiyans," Vegeta replies in a no-nonsense tone.

"Oh. Okay." I didn't quite understand, but I had learned, even as a five-year-old, that these things were not to be argued, so I went back to training.

=#=#=#=#=

"Sarada, come on!" Vegeta hisses at me as he tugs me along behind him. I stumble and try to keep up with him.

"Vegeta, what's going on?" I pant out. Vegeta briefly stops.

"Father is meeting with someone. Someone he demanded to see alone. I've never heard of Father insisting on such a meeting. Figured we should see what this is all about." I could never deny Vegeta, so I nod as we continue moving.

"Okay, you don't have to tug my wrist," I complain and he lets go with a huff.

"You don't have to be a wimp about it." He counters. I stick my tongue out at him and we continue on our way. Soon enough, we slip through the passage we discovered that led into Father's private meeting room. We look out and see a figure looming over the King of the Saiyans, cat-like ears extending from his head and odd clothes over his body, a tail laying limp toward the floor. He was purple, his shoed foot against Father's head as Father knelt before him, and was shaking as if in terror. I flinch. Who could make the King of the Saiyans bow and tremble like that?! I halt Vegeta's movement. If Father was scared, we had no business meddling in this. Better to be silent observers.

Despite myself, I creep a little closer to the pair with Vegeta, beginning to shake in fear myself. Just who was this figure and why was Father so afraid of him?

"Can your miserable little brain comprehend why I'm so angry, Saiyan King?" A booming, authoritative male voice rang out, freezing me in my tracks. Vegeta tugged me to him, positioning me subtly behind him as the figure applied a little more pressure to Father's head. "Answer me." The man growls.

Father took a few moments to reply and I could hear the fear and hesitance in his voice. "Because I promised to fulfill your mission in the time you gave me, Lord Beerus, but it took longer than I thought it would."

"Wrong." 'Lord Beerus' replies, voice icy and stern as he continues the pressure. Beside me, Vegeta's jaw clicks in anger.

"Father's being humiliated!" He hisses. "How can he take that?"

"I don't know. Whoever this man is, if Father's scared, we should be, too." I whisper back, hand reaching out and grabbing Vegeta's cape as a comfort. This was bad!

"We're Saiyans!" Vegeta snaps back, mindful to keep his voice down. "We aren't afraid of anyone. Just who is this filth?!"

"Vegeta, Father called him a Lord. That means this man is important! We shouldn't interfere!" I whimper. What Vegeta had said was true, but this seemed to be an appropriate reaction in this instance. Anyone who can subdue the King of the Saiyans so completely must be someone we don't want to mess with.

"I don't care!" Vegeta replies hotly, barely managing to keep his voice low. "This man should remember his place!" I tighten my grip on his cape. Something told me if we intervened, it would end disastrously. Before I can speak, however, Lord Beerus' voice booms around the room and once again I'm stiff with fear.

"I consider myself a rather flexible diety." He begins. I flinch. Diety?! "I know you mortals have your limitations, but there is one thing I cannot tolerate; the callous arrogance of those who do not pay the respect a Destroyer is due." I gulp. A destroyer? A diety?! And he was here!? Why? Why would a diety come here and- -Father's head slams into the ground, cracking it slightly, and Father grunts in pain. Vegeta and I flinch. I put my hand over my mouth to stifle any noise. The last thing we needed was for Lord Beerus to see us. We likely wouldn't survive such an encounter. "I ordered you to find me the most comfortable pillow in all the universe, and I know for a fact you obtained it." Come again?! This diety, this Lord Beerus, came here and demanded that the King of all Saiyans find him the universe's most comfortable pillow?!

A rage slowly began to build inside me. Not enough to make me act, but enough to slowly begin eating at my fear for the figure threatening my father.

"Your tenacity is impressive," Lord Beerus continues, grinding Father's head into the ground, "although your methods? A bit severe." He adds, an almost coy undertone to his voice now as he leans closer to our father's prone body. He was playing with Father, taunting him! Beerus knelt in front of his victim, grabbing Father's hair and hauling Father up to face him. "I bet you don't even know how many creatures you killed in that raid." I blink. Was he talking about Father's rushed reentry to the planet a few days ago, followed by a secret meeting with a few choice advisors? I think I did see someone carrying something that could have been a pillow toward our bedrooms, but...I didn't want to intervene and tell this man my suspicions as to the location of this pillow. "Of course," Lord Beerus' voice snaps me back to the matter at hand. "being what I am, I could have accepted all that if you had simply given me the best pillow instead of keeping it for yourself and trying to fool me with the second best." Beerus hauls Father up further and punches Father in the chest, hard enough that Father instantly keels over, winded and groaning in agony. Tears prick my eyes as Father collapses and I don't notice that I had let go of Vegeta's cape at some point until he's stepping back in utter shock before his fists clench and his eyes narrow in outrage.

"Bastard!" He growls, and I can tell by the look in his eyes, he is going to charge.

"Vegeta, no!" I snap, trying to grab the cape, racing after my headstrong brother, but it's no good.

"That is the King of all Saiyans!" Vegeta roars as he runs forward. My mind replays what Lord Beerus said about being respected, just as I move to cut in front of Vegeta. But before I can speak or stop my brother, I feel something strange happen and suddenly, I feel sluggish and as if I were in the training room with the artificial gravity increased far beyond what I could stand. Just before I collapse, I manage to move in front of my brother, trying to form any kind of shield I could. I fall to the ground, trying as hard as I could, but I can't speak or move hardly at all. I try to move to better protect my brother, but it doesn't make much of a difference.

"Children should not interfere with the affairs of gods." Lord Beerus growls and I feel my mouth dry in terror. This was how I die. Lord Beerus then yawns. "I think I'll retrieve what's mine and put the pillow to use; I grow weary of you mortals and your disappointments. Come, Whis." From behind us, I see a man in strange robes come forward, following Lord Beerus toward the door. Suddenly, we can move and instantly, I have to move to restrain Vegeta, who seemed too blinded by rage and frustration at how easily we were restrained to even speak.

"Take a left down the hall. I think our father has the pillow in his bedroom." I murmur, resigned to let the god go about his business. Lord Beerus huffs.

"At least one of you has some small fraction of sense. Thank you, child. I think I might spare this planet, but know this; if you test me again, I will annihilate the entire Saiyan race before you can comprehend that you've died." Beerus growls menacingly, then turns and walks away. I breathe a sigh of relief, then am promptly punched in the face. Winded, I fall to the ground.

"What the hell was that, you traitor?!" Vegeta roars, looming over me, shaking in rage. He hauls me up to face him. "How could you let that scumbag steal from us like that!?" I pry his hand away, getting in his face.

"Didn't you hear him, Vegeta!?" I snap. "Lord Beerus told us not to intervene in gods' affairs!"

"That doesn't mean you listen to him!"

"I think you should be thanking me! He could have easily killed us and the planet!"

"That doesn't matter! Where's your Saiyan pride!? Don't you care about the humiliation we suffered because of that filth?!"

"He's a god! There isn't anything we can do against him!"

"That doesn't mean we can't try!"

"Silence...you two..." Comes Father's voice before I can reply, and we instantly stop arguing and help him up.

"Father, tell Sarada she shouldn't have- -"

"Enough! What's done is done."

"But Father!"

"No arguing!" Father interjects sternly, resulting in a fit of coughing.

"Are you alright?" I ask. Father nods.

"I will be, Sarada. Now, help me clean myself up, and tell no one what you saw in here, got it?" I nod.

"Of course, Father." Vegeta huffs.

"...If you say so, Father."

=#=#=#=#=

I don't know why, but I woke up late at night, throat dry and feeling groggy. I went to get a glass of water when I heard a strange noise and got a weird feeling, so I made my way forward, sensing something very strange. There was someone down near the room with the pods but hadn't made it there yet.

"C'mon where are they?" The man hisses to himself when I arrive. Based on the description, it looked like it could be the new military recruit, Radditz's father, Bardock. What he was doing, I didn't know. He did seem to want a pod, though...

"If you're looking for the pods, they're down the hall, second door on the left." I murmur, rubbing my eyes. "But why do you- -"

"Thanks!" Bardock (if that's who this guy is) interrupts, starts running away, then turns to me. "...this needs to be a secret, okay?" For some reason, I trust him, finding myself nodding.

"Okay." Bardock's face lights up a bit and he gives me a small smile, walking over and ruffling my hair.

"Thanks again, kid." I smile back at him, then the smile fades as I remember I still didn't know why he wanted a pod.

"Why do you need a pod?" I ask. Bardock sighs.

"It's for something very important," Bardock explains. I move to stand in front of him.

"What precisely is so important you need to steal a pod?" I press. Bardock crosses his arms.

"Listen, kid, I don't have time to keep talking to you."

"Then I don't have to remember that this is supposed to be a secret." I retort, crossing my arms and glaring at him. "Now, as the Princess of the Saiyans, I demand you tell me why you need a pod!" Bardock groans then sighs heavily.

"Fine. For my son. Now get out of my way and don't breath a word of this to anyone, got it?" I huff.

"Was that so hard?" I reply sarcastically, side-stepping to let Bardock by. "I won't tell anyone, but you'd better hurry and use that pod. Its absence will be noted soon enough." Bardock doesn't reply, walking away down the hall. I roll my eyes, face back down the way I'd come, and return to bed, someone finding myself able to go back to sleep, feeling like I did something right.

No one would ever notice the stolen pod, turns out.

They'd all die in a freak meteor strike within a week of the incident.

=#=#=#=#=

At only about ten years old, we were going on assignments to planets in need of...repossession. Each assignment was more dangerous than the last and we kept getting stronger, as is usual for Saiyans. Then...

We were assigned to some planet I can't remember, just a day or so after I met Bardock.

It was a relatively easy assignment, considering we had Radditz, two adults and Father's advisor, Nappa, with us. However, it was a large enough planet that the assignment took longer than we thought.

Partway through, we all got an order to return to Planet Vegeta, but we weren't done with the assignment, so we all agreed to ignore it. Once we were all done with our part, we met back near our pods to eat and rest up a little before the trip back home. That's when we got the worst message possible.

"Did you hear that?!" One of the adults asks, voice shaky in fear.

"Something wrong?" Nappa asks.

"We got a message from the Frieza Force!" The first adult continues. "A meteor collided with Planet Vegeta and- -what?!" He grows even more shocked and terrified, if possible. I find myself falling into the same response despite not knowing the full reason behind his reaction. His cry of shock makes me flinch subtly, my food forgotten in my hand. "Our whole world was obliterated!" He exclaims. I have to sit down.

"No way..." I mumble breathily, hardly aware I was even speaking.

"Impossible!" Nappa asserts. My head whirls under the weighty implications of the Saiyan's words.

"That means most of the Saiyan race was completely wiped out!" The second adult notes, eyes as wide as the rest in shock. I swallow. That means...that means...Mother and Father were...were gone! Father and I’s relationship had somewhat soured over the years, fraying a little over my power level, a bit lower than Vegeta's. That didn't mean his loss didn't affect me, but it made my emotions regarding his death a bit...complicated. I sat there, trying to process what happened when I see the adults jog toward us.

"Well, I guess we're pretty lucky, aren't we? It's a good thing that we decided to ignore Frieza's order to head home." I swallow.

"I guess, but...we all had family...and they're just...gone." I murmur. Vegeta huffs.

"Now I'll never get to be King Vegeta!" He groans. I blink.

"Is that all you can think about?" I ask in shock.

"Of course! I was destined to rule Planet Vegeta one day! Now I'll never get the chance!" I decide not to press the issue and blankly stare at the adults that were approaching.

"Vegeta, Sarada, you two have a brother, don't you?" Someone (I'm too frazzled to really process who it was) asks. I flinch. Shit! I'd almost forgotten Tarble!

"Oh no! Tarble!" I squeak, hand over my mouth in horror at the thought of him being gone as well.

"Yeah. Wonder if he got blown up, too." Vegeta muses apathetically. “Not that it really matters.” I whirl on him.

"How can you be so calm?! We lost our planet and almost all our people!"

"Like I've been telling you our whole lives, Sarada; Survival of the Fittest. Guess most of the Saiyans didn't fit the bill." I bite my lip. I felt like crying, screaming, doing anything that normal people would do in this situation, but not here, not in front of everyone. So I simply don't speak, and no one really questions it as we fly back to the Frieza Force.

Later that night, in the privacy of the dormitory I was given on a ship, I let the tears flow and the sobs echo around my room for who knows how long. I never told Vegeta about all the nightmares and sleepless nights I've had since losing Planet Vegeta, and he doesn't ask. He's far too concerned with bettering himself to actually talk to me or relay his own emotions about our endangered species status.

He just assumed I was over it, and I never corrected that notion. No, as far as Vegeta's concerned, I was as apathetic and cold as he was, but there was an ember inside me, a shred of decency left, and I was determined not to let it get put out.

=#=#=#=#=

Being one of the last Saiyans in existence was easily the worst thing I'd ever gone through.

Being forced into employment under someone like Frieza and accumulating more genocide charges than any other decent living being was somehow even worse.

"Pl-please, don't!" These words never failed to make me miserable. However, if I caved every time I heard them, I'd be long dead for my disobedience. "Why are you doing this?!"

"Look, this isn't anything personal. But I have my orders; nothing living is to be left on this planet. That's just the way it is." I reply listlessly. It was a usual response for me. No one ever understood how much I hated doing this.

"Sarada, are you done yet? We're behind schedule!" Comes Vegeta's voice, reminding me why I needed to stay strong and complete the assignments I was given.

I had to stay with Vegeta, no matter what. He was all I had left. He was all I cared about. So, without any more excuses to stall, I send a ball of ki into the house as I walk away, having to ignore the screams and horrible smell as I rejoin my brother. "Just finishing now," I reply. "Let's go." We did, and I watch the fires crackle til we were out of sight of the village. Vegeta gave the report to the Frieza Force, and I got something to eat, trying not to feel sentimental. But, this was another entire species that was now extinct. And another charge of mass genocide on my conscience.

Honestly, the only reason I stay in the Frieza Force and keep massacring aliens is because I want to get as strong as I can, so I can kill Frieza and run away with Vegeta to find something else to do in our life besides kill and destroy. But we were still far, far away from Lord Frieza's kind of power level. It was so far beyond ours that all I could do was keep training and pushing myself, and hope that one day, we'd be able to finally put an end to this monster.

...I hope. I join my brother and Nappa around a fire and begin to eat. I don't even complain about eating the people we killed since I am rather hungry and I'd already eaten the food I brought.

"Radditz stinks." Nappa groans. I blink, having ignored anything on the radar while forcing myself through the assignment.

"What?" I ask.

"Radditz was slain by pathetic Earthlings and his very low-level brother, Kakarot," Vegeta explains testily. "He's a complete disgrace!" I sigh.

"He was a Saiyan. Now there are even fewer Saiyans left." I muse. "All the same, I suppose it's better this way; the Saiyans that do remain are strong, it seems." Vegeta spits near the fire.

"Don't make me laugh, sister. Kararot isn't any better than his brother; it was Radditz's foolishness that cost him his life. Kakarot himself is a low-level peasant compared to us, a bug in need of squashing."

"You're saying we're going to teach those Earthlings a lesson?" Nappa asks. Vegeta shakes his head.

"No, that's a waste of time. I was mainly saying that even you could squash him quite easily if you wanted to, Sarada. I am curious, however..."

"Ah. Are you thinking about what Radditz said?" Nappa asks. I don't bother asking what Radditz said. It didn't matter. Vegeta stands, chuckling.

"Exactly. Those Dragonballs caught my interest." I raise a brow.

"Dragonballs?" I ask. "Sorry, I'm a bit behind. I was focused on the assignment and didn't pay attention to the scouter." I explain. Vegeta nods.

"Well, there are apparently seven items called Dragonballs, and if we can get our hands on them, they grant us anything we want. Anything at all." I blink.

"Are you serious?" I murmur, shocked at the implications. This was crazy! One single wish for anything I wanted? "That definitely warrants investigation," I add, smirking. Maybe I could wish for a way to beat Frieza!

"Yeah, let's go!" Nappa cheers, and we begin heading back to our pods.

"Once we force Kakarot's friends to tell us how to find the Dragonballs, we'll eliminate them, along with anyone else who tries to stand in our way."

"And then we can wish Radditz back to life," Nappa suggests. I scoff.

"Yeah, right. If we can have anything at all, we can't waste a wish on Radditz. We need to aim higher." I reply.

"Sarada's right. Radditz was a weakling and a fool. Any Saiyan who could be defeated so easily doesn't deserve to live." I nod. I'd gotten used to those harsh declarations from Vegeta, even subconsciously began to accept them, but it wasn't enough to make my heart harden like Vegeta's had. "Actually, Nappa, I had something far more grand in mind. Now tell me, how does the idea of eternal life sound to you?" Vegeta asks. Nappa smirks.

"What? Living forever?" He asks. "That sounds great," I smirk, too. With eternal life, we could keep battling Frieza until he died, no matter how long it took, and then spend the rest of eternity figuring out what else we wanted to do with our lives. "And if we can't die, then that means no one would ever be able to defeat us, so what the heck would we need Radditz for?" I nod. Harsh as it was, it made sense not to wish him back. I climb into my pod, smiling to myself at the thought of finally making that bastard pay for all the years we'd been kept under his heel.

"Yes, what for indeed?" Vegeta replies smugly. "We'll be the greatest fighters in the universe, and we will ascend to our rightful place among the Saiyan warriors of legend." I blink.

"Do you mean..?" Nappa begins.

"You think we can become the legendary Super Saiyan?" I add. Vegeta nods.

"That's exactly what I mean. We will become Super Saiyans!" I grin.

"Well, what are we waiting for, then? We gotta get to Earth!"

[that-fandom-sucks-tho]

Circuits of the Heart

Title: Chapter 6: You Knew

Warnings: Slight swearing

A/N: Hey y'all sorry for the long wait. I felt bad so long wait means long chapter. Enjoy!

Also this amazing blog @ranting-badger right here is a writing account you should totes check out!!!!

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 7 Chapter 8

While I had thought the outside of the mansion was impressive it was nothing compared to the inside. The foyer had floors of marble that led to a grand staircase. Guests were milling about with fancy drinks and small cubes of food. A chandelier made the space brighter, if that was even possible. The crystals sparkled and small rainbows could be seen if you tilted your head just right.

“Wow, I thought Nightwing said Rodney Slane was a small mob boss. How did he get a place like this with petty crimes?” Wally whispered into my ear. I had been thinking the exact same thing.

“The missiles make more sense after this revelation” I whispered back.

We walked through the crowd with no one paying attention to us. They did not know who we were and they felt no reason to change that. I pulled up the blueprints of mansion on my internal interface to find the door we needed. I craned my neck and saw that it was hiding behind a young looking guard. He seemed to be no older than 16 and his face held the nerves of being relatively new.

“Wally, our door is blocked by an opponent. What should we do?”

“Well we can’t fight him that would bring too much attention to us. Quick, make out with him that’s always a good distraction.” Wally shoved me in the direction of the guard.

“If that is what you suggest, I can try” I stated with determination.

“She will not be making out with any guard!” Nightwing yelled into the comms. Both Wally and I flinched at the sudden change in volume.

“Geesh, I was mostly kidding. Though she should flirt with him to try and get him away from the door.” Wally said seriously, for probably the first time ever.

“Ah, yes. At our ‘sleepover’ the girls taught me how to do this flirting technique. I feel that I could adequately apply it and make him move.” I started marching forward at the young man.

“Wait now. You don’t need to-” Nightwing started.

“I will complete my mission however I need to. If you continue to distract me I will shut off the comms.”

I glided over to the door making eye contact with the guard and smiled warmly at him. When I was speaking about the flirting I tried to be confident but in reality I was nervous as hell. I had never done this before and if I messed this up we would not be able to access the computer.

“Alright do what you need to. Also Circuit?” Nightwing murmured into my ear.

“Yes?”

“Remember to smile, you look beautiful when you smile. He won’t be able to resist.” Warmth pooled into my stomach and made a fluttering sensation erupt.

As I walked over to the gentleman his eyes widened and he gulped nervously. Obviously he had not expected to be getting any attention from the attending guests. He stood up straighter and shifted his eyes around trying to see what was happening.

“Mam this is not the way to the restroom.” He nodded in the direction I assume the bathroom was.

“Oh, I am not looking for the restroom. I came over here to talk to you.” I brushed a lock of hair behind my ear and looked up through my lashes, as my lessons had instructed. His ears turned scarlet and he cleared his throat.

“Mam, I am just a guard not an actual guest.”

I walked closer until we were only a few inches apart. “I know, it is just, you are so handsome and I could not imagine not talking to you.” Compliment them for their egos, check.

“Really?”

“Of course.” I leaned forward just a little. Men like imagining mating encounters as Artemis said. Now the young boy’s face was fully red.

“My name’s Jared.”

I stood up on my tip toes and I whispered into his ear. “Well, Jared how about we arrange to meet in the garden in ten minutes and we can talk.” As I pulled away from him I grazed my hand down his arm. Light touches are a plus.

He quickly nodded.

I walked away from him and made my way towards Wally. When he saw me his face was full of shock.

“I had no idea you had such game. I think that boy is in love now.” Wally smiled brightly and patted me on the back.

“I was not playing a game. I was simply utilizing the instructions I learned from the other girls. I’m guessing I did well then?”

“You did great! He’s left the door wide open for us to sneak into.”

“It is sad that I will not be meeting him in the garden. He will surely feel horrible.”

“Take it from a fellow heartbreaker, it happens don’t feel bad. Now let’s go before we lose our chance.”

We approached the door slowly as to not raise suspicions. Many times we had to stop and pretend to be chatting when people were looking at us. It was painstaking because the boy could return anytime or someone else could notice the unguarded door. When we finally slipped through it was like I could breathe again.

Pulling up the blueprints again I followed the trail to the computer room. The door had a fingerprint scanning lock. Whoever had enabled this lock figured it made them safer. They assumed their secrets and lies were protected. They were wrong.

My fingers grasped the sides of the lock. The metal was cool and smooth under my touch; it is clearly of high quality material. The electricity danced through my fingers and rushed up my arm. It reached my processor and I felt its reluctance to release its hold. I had to push harder than normal and the golden glow of my power started to seep out. I felt the groaning of the lock and then I heard a beep.

“I have unlocked the door.” I said as I pushed the door open lightly. The room was cooled making goosebumps pop up on my skin.

“Whoa that’s a lot of hardware” Wally whistled.

He was right; the amount of computers and servers was enormous. The scope made me more nervous. I had never infiltrated such an extensive system.

“The size is quite… overwhelming.” I whispered more to myself than Wally.

“Just stay whelmed; you’ve got this.” Nightwing responded.

“That usage has no meaning to me nor the english language.”

“It means you’ve got this so stay whelmed.”

With that I stepped forward and began my task. The clack of the keyboard filled the room otherwise engulfed in silence. I initially tried to hack without using my powers. I was proficient in regular computer skills and this was the first thing I learned.

“How long is this gonna take? I don’t know when someone might want to get in here.” Wally paced nervously in a circle, but in superspeed.  A scorch mark was starting to blacken the carpet beneath his feet.

“Wally if you do not want our presence detected leaving a mark on the carpet is not what we should be doing. If you are really worried go keep watch.” I continued with my mission.

I was flying through folders, firewalls, and data; nothing could stop me now.

Suddenly the computer screen went blank and then a singular word began flashing on the screen.

Intruder. Intruder. Intruder.

I flung back from my seat. This was not good. They had an alerting system that I had missed. How had I missed it?

    “Circuit what’s happening? What’s wrong?” Wally came up from behind me to see what was on the screen. “That is not good.”

“I missed their alarm system; I need to shut it down from the source. I need to recover the rest of the files as well.” I marched over to the servers. I placed my hand on the exposed metal and began the work.

Images, words, and numbers were flying past my inner monitor. A lab, hits on people, the main boss. Then me, lots of information on me. Pictures of me, intel on me, and my lab footage. Coordinates for Mount Justice. Coordinates for my lab; my home. I pulled faster needing all of the data. Its secrets opened up for me and rushed faster and faster. Warnings flashed in my vision but I did not stop. The power surged through me and then it was around me. Crackling and flashing as I bent and conducted it.

“Circuit, Circuit. What’s happening? Can you hear me? We’ve gotta get out of here.” Wally was yelling over the noise but he sounded faint and distant. My vision blurred as the warning became louder and larger in my monitor.

A loud pop and then silence. My ears were ringing and the room swayed. All I could focus on was the information coursing through my brain. A hand was pulling me out of the room but everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Thundering footsteps were rushing after us and yells of outrage. Then the world became streaks of color as Wally rushed me back to limo.

“Quick, drive us back to the jet. Now!” The driver whipped out kicking up loose gravel as the tires spun.  Hands were shaking my shoulders as the world started to come into focus. “Circuit!”

“I am okay and I can hear you at a regular decibel, no need to yell.” I put my hands on my temples trying to massage out the piercing pain that I felt.

“What happened? One moment you were fine and the next electricity was zipping in and out of you. Did you find anything out?”

“Yes I found lots of things.” I stared out of the window trying to collect my thoughts.

The attack on me in the warehouse a year ago was not an accident. They had not randomly found me. They were there specifically there for me. This mob knew who I was and had extensive research on me. They had targeted Mount Justice because of me. My lab, my home, was featured prominently in their intel. I had seen my last days there; the days before the lab had been destroyed in an accident.

    No, not an accident. This mob, whoever they were, had destroyed my home and killed everyone in it.

    A thought hit me as I was sitting watching the scenery pass us on our way to the airport where our jet was. Nightwing had been silent since I entered the control room.

“Nightwing, Nightwing? Are you there?” I spoke into my comms.

Only a fizzle of static could be heard on the other side. Either I had fried it with my electrical outburst or he had logged off.

Our arrival back to the base was one of quiet actions. Our jet landed and we walked out to meet everyone on the tarmac. Everyone was there to see what had happened, as we had not checked-in in over an hour. Batman stood soberly behind the group. Watching and monitoring, making connections and collecting information. A fury built in my gut and seeped into every part of my being. I stormed over to Batman.

“You knew. You knew what they were, what they did. Did you not?” My eyes blurred at the memories of fire and smoke and ash. At the memories of hands pawing at me and the screams sounding out as hands dragged me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Batman stated calmly. His masked face giving away no emotions.

“Do not lie to me. You are Batman. You know everything.” I was spitting my words with venom.

Batman made a long pause. Clearly debating the fact that my statement was true but also not wanting to tell me his knowledge.

“Fine. I knew this information but I was not entirely sure. I needed more intel before I jumped to conclusions.”

“That is why you sent me in there. To get the data you could not acquire. Was that the rush for the mission? Why would you send me in there if you knew I was their main target?” Everyone involved in the mission had seemed so at ease. Did they know?They had no qualms with putting my life in danger if it meant their gain. Actually, everyone but one person.

I turned on my heel and set my glare and anger on my new target. Nightwing. The Boy Wonder. Batman’s trusty sidekick.

“You knew as well. Did you not? Is that why you felt reluctance in sending me there? Why would you not tell me?” A crackle of electricity shot from my fingers. This seemed to be happening more often. My emotions fueled the sparks as they danced around my body.

As I looked into Nightwing’s eyes I saw many things; remorse, fear, sadness, concern but most of all guilt.

As the others surrounding us backed away, he held his ground. Lights started to flicker and my warning panels popped up again. The amount of power I was conducting was at a dangerous level. I had forgotten that my powers could do this but in this moment I was glad. Glad no one could come near me; glad no one could stop my fury.

Nightwing held his hands up in surrender. His eyes pleading with me to understand the words he had not shared yet; the words he could not share. I kept advancing slow and menacingly waiting for the answer I knew he would say.

One last look of defeat before the traitorous word left his lips.

"I knew."

@lilylovelyxo @jadedhillon @gingerrosecosplay

[youngboy-oldmind]

IN DEPTH REVIEW- DAMN Part II

The bipolar aura of DAMN. continues in the next few tracks. Kendrick talks about his superiority in the rap game, stating how unparalleled he stands. But following a stint of confidence, we get a brutal look at Kendrick exposing himself for his consistent internal struggles. While remaining on top and being idolized by so many, he expresses great loneliness, hopelessness, and feeling a lack of genuineness surrounding him. Then, we get a nice harmony between Kendrick and Rihanna talking about dedication and loyalty, wherever or whoever one is loyal to.

4. ELEMENT

Similar to the beginning of “YAH”, we hear Kid Capri start off the track yelling “New Kung Fu Kenny” and “Aint nobody praying for me”, which generally lead to more aggressive, chaotic, and/or negative tracks. While not negative, “ELEMENT” is Kendrick’s chaotic boast to the rap industry and any competitors that he is elite and the best in the game. Going as far to say he’d die, kill, and go against the bible and go “eye for an eye” (which Jesus was against) to be successful. Over three verses and choruses, the later being a eerily slowed down version, Kendrick let’s everybody know he’s not to be messed with and if someone is going to step up to him, they better carry some kind of weight or he’ll slap you and make it look sexy.

The chorus on this song is my favorite on the album. The light piano-like notes added on the chorus are a perfectly opposite from the deep, monotoned piano notes during the verses. This creates an interesting comparison. Kendrick is very intense, direct, and aggressive during the verses. However, on the chorus he seems playful and lighthearted. It’s not a “just kidding” playful, it’s more like he will do it so effortlessly that its a joke. Both the delivery and instrumental switch between verses and choruses paint a cocky, unbeatable Lamar.

5. FEEL

"FEEL” begins similarly to “ELEMENT” with Kendrick stating nobody’s praying for him. Through two heart-wrenching verses, we get Kendrick’s confessions of every negative emotion he’s wrestling. He talks about being on edge, feeling low and isolated, distant from his friends and family, and hopelessness when reflecting on society. The last section we get another demonic-esque layering over his vocals while talking about the end of the world and monsters like phoenixes and the Loch Ness that represents a culmination of chaos ensuing from an impending doom.

This track is BRUTAL. After such an upbeat, bragging song in the previous track, “FEEL” is another 180 turn that counters his established confidence. However, Kendrick doesn’t discredit his success or unparalleled status, indicated by the lines: 

“I feel n****s been out of pocket/ I feel n****s tappin' they pockets/ I feel like debatin' on who the greatest can stop it/ I am legend, I feel like all of y'all is peasants/ I feel like all of y'all is desperate/ I feel like all it take is a second to feel like/ Mike Jordan whenever holdin' a real mic/ I ain't feelin' your presence/ Feel like I'ma learn you a lesson”

Here, Kendrick once again compares himself to Michael Jordan in hip hop, stating there’s no debate and he���s at a level he could teach rappers below him. Kendrick expresses a lack of assuredness and trust with people around him. However, the one thing he knows for sure is he’s the greatest. I like that he maintains this sentiment. No matter how dark or hopeless he feels, he will still be the best. He also draws another comparison to him and 2Pac, saying the feelings he has must be what 2Pac felt when he fled to Cuba to distance himself from fame. If Kendrick suddenly dies or goes missing, I guess we know where he could possibly be.

The hardest-hitting sentiment of this track is the final two lines of both verses that leads to the chorus, “Ain’t nobody praying for me”. As much as his fans praise him and as much as he looks out for others, he feels isolated and like nobody truly cares about him. This is an awful feeling to wrestle with when in the same breath claim legend status. Kendrick didn’t take the route I expected him to; the route that others (popular ones include T.I. on “Live Your Life” and J Cole on numerous tracks) take when they say they’d give up the fame and success if it meant true happiness because that’s what ultimately matters. Here, it seems Kendrick is stating that the fame and status is important and he’s not giving it up, but wishes he had happiness and a trustworthy close circle around him.

Besides “FEAR”, “FEEL” is Kendrick’s most brutally transparent expression of his negative internal plights. 

6. LOYALTY

“LOYALTY” is a breath of fresh air after the two previous intense tracks. This tracks features Kendrick and Rihanna exchanging verses and collaborating on the chorus to discuss things they’re loyal to. Kendrick talks about his dedication and loyalty to his art and previous success, then transitioning to talking about wanting loyalty and forever with a partner. Towards the end of the track, Kendrick and Rihanna inquire what a potential significant other is loyal to: friends, family, drugs, fame, money, yourself? What are your priorities?

This isn’t quite a love song. It’s more like a dedication song. Lacking much of a romantic vibe, it addresses on what you focus on and whether a relationship is possible, whether romantic or friendly. This connects to Kendrick’s previous feeling of not trusting those around him. This song applies to anyone in his life; are you going to be there through ups and downs?

I think this is a great add-on to previous thoughts he’s expressed so far on this project. After stating how abandoned and hopeless he feels, he’s actively making sure those around him are trustworthy. I think this expresses growth and less of the “Kung Fu Kenny” chaos perspective.

In terms of popularity, this song is in the Top 5 most streamed, behind “DNA”, “HUMBLE”, and “LOVE”. Rihanna and Kendrick make a great combination. The back an fourth dialogue and occasional harmonies pair together well; Kendricks lower, gruff voice matches Rihanna’s higher, singing voice. I definitely hope they collaborate more in the future.

Part III Coming Soon!

[undyingxiv]

Y'all... | Raya Lukova | Trial 1 | RE: Accusations, ATTN: Ginjirou

Raya looked unimpressed as she was accused, immediately writing and propping up her notebook. 

[ … alright, you got me. I don’t know who the culprit is. thought I could weasel out who killed Stella that way, but if it’s gonna make me suspicious then I ain’t gonna keep going for it. I’ll find out eventually, though, so whoever did it isn’t safe. ]

She was systematic and calm as she moved on. 

[ I wouldn’t have been able to apply cyanide to the pie for a very specific reason. As you can all see, I wear gloves at all time. if i wear to apply cyanide poison to them, I would have had traces left behind on them. if anyone would like to come closer to inspect them, you’ll see cocoa from my own dessert to see that 1. these are the same gloves and 2. there is nothing on them. ]

[ the accusations are kinda stupid. do you people honestly think that I’d be stupid enough to murder in a case where food is the #1 killer? if i murdered, I wouldn’t pick the easiest option like that. additionally, I had no opportunity to poison the slice. everyone who was there can testify that I kept to myself and didn’t go near anyone. I just worked on my own dish, and even then I kept my distance in serving cause I don’t fucking like any of you.] 

[ if I can’t convince you anyway, then vote me. whatever. but I’m not the culprit, and you’ll be sentencing an innocent person to death. well. as innocent as I can be after mouthing you all off and derailing. ] at least she’s self aware.

Her words were confident as she stood her ground, looking quite frankly irritated. However, a thought hits her and she quickly writes again, her hands starting to tremble.

[ tw for implications of suicide Again ]

[ … I’m not afraid of death. I actually welcome it with open arms. I’m not scared. cause I’m strong. ] 

Then why was she shaking?

[ … what if Ginjirou kept some of the apple slices that you gave him, and then added them afterwards? that would certainly get past the issue of heat destroying cyanide and getting an even slice without poisoning the entire pie. sorry. ] 

[ and by the way fuck you for implying that I was only making a ruse when I said I want to know who killed Stella you sack of shit ] 

She glares at Akemi.

[allthepandasintheworld]

Well this is who I had in mind for a 10th class lmao As y'all can see I did a lot of erasing... I haven’t actually come up with a class icon yet, so have some empty circles for the time being

This boy here is called the transformer... Bc his wheelchair transforms dammit and bc he’s personally I guess a transformer

Name: The Transformer

Primary: Shotgun (and reskins)

Secondary: Pistol (and reskins) he’s sort of organized like the engineer: mostly emphasis on his melee and PDA slot

Melee: Computerized wheelchair (while selected, the computer screen on his lap opens up); in order to use abilities, this slot must be open. Note: taking damage will lower his speed, with 1%hp being 50% speed. % speed is directly proportional to the %hp left. Additional note: the Transformer cannot jump but can climb up objects such as stairs. Basically, as long as an area can be walked up, then the transformer can go there. If not, then the transformer cannot. This is to prevent the transformer from setting up in an unreasonable area. The transformer also cannot perform crouch, but can duck. Ducking does nothing really besides changing his hitbox. Also, he cannot be pushed airborne. He can, however, be pushed backwards and forwards very easily (bc yknow wheels).  

PDA: Has 3 forms to “transform” into; Offense, Defense, and Support (default)

Form A: Offense

higher speed (think Spy speed)

‘charge’ (M2) ability (similar to Demo’s shields, but can hit multiple enemies at once and will not stop upon striking enemies). Has a charge meter that will slowly refill.

used to move around faster, mostly because the charge doesn’t do much damage--charge ability will apply to quick fix

Form B: Defense

slower speed (think soldier speed)

small hp boost (from 200 hp to 250 hp)

shield ability: takes 2 seconds to deploy a shield that can be placed on the ground (like a sentry) and lasts for 1 minute. The shield has a total hp of 500, meaning it will take 500 points of damage before breaking. Only one shield may be deployed at any time. Shields can be destroyed (M2) by the Transformer and sapped by a Spy, similar to the Engineer’s buildings.

Form C: Support

regular speed (think pyro or demo)

targeted “null” ability. Fires a device at a trajectory. If the device strikes a building, it will disable the building until removed by an Engineer or a Pyro. It will not destroy or damage the building. Has 1 clip size and must be reloaded before firing again. It has 5 ammo.

targeted anti-missile software: 20 ammo - controlled by player and destroys all incoming missiles in a small cone in front of the player (extends 1 meter in front of the player and covers basically what you can see on your screen... there’s some fancy geometry you can do to figure out the full thing but im not gonna do that rn lmao its 11:30 pm). Cannot be refilled by dispenser. Expends 5 ammo in the first second, and 1 ammo for each second afterwards. Don’t spam this shit, ok bc first off that’s not fair and second... that’s fucking busted as hell ok like demo/soldier are engie’s #1 worst enemy and transformer nullifies that damage unless suitably nerfed so that engies cant abuse the transformer’s abilities. Sorry, technicalities.

Random Facts I’ve Thought Of:

He’s actually trans, like he’s a trans boy. The ultimate transformer.

One of his cosmetics is the “bisexual haircut”.

One of his custom taunts will be him doing the little thworp thing with a fan and laughing (you know, like Katya bc I love fans and he’s getting this ok he’s getting it).

He’s ethnically Chinese, and born in America when his parents immigrated over to America (after the 1940s actually or something which lets to my next random fact...)

I have no idea how old he is, but I’ll put him somewhere around Scout’s age. In fact, he has to be either Scout’s age or younger due to... History.

Growing up, he was a victim to the Second Red Scare (the about a decade or so right after WWII ended that began the Cold War). He was crippled due to a xenophobic hate crime when he was fairly young, and has since dedicated much time to renovating his wheelchair (his melee weapon and the weapon that makes his class unique in TF2). Initially, he worked with cheap materials and with whatever he could find.

His older brother was the one who got him the materials to build his wheelchair with.

When Mann Co. hired him, the Transformer was initially hesitant until he realized that the money he earned working for Mann Co is far more than anything he could hope for as a young Chinese American working in the 1960s.

Of all the teammates he’s with, he gets along with Engie the best. Engie acts like a father figure to him.

He and Scout probably spend time together, simply due to their age similarity, but Scout usually has little patience for Transformer, leading to Transformer creating the “Offense” portion of his kit.

He likes Heavy too, partially because Heavy understands what it’s like to be a foreigner in a country that doesn’t want him there. Or maybe he doesn’t. The Transformer doesn’t care because the Heavy is more calm than anyone else at the base and definitely the most trustworthy. He’s willing to talk about guns if that’s what’s necessary. Besides, he’s getting part of his literature education from Heavy, because this boy is determined to get a good education.

He tires easily due to spending most of his time in a wheelchair. Medic has offered some... Questionable solutions, to which the Transformer has refused.

Engie has probably also offered to make him prosthetic legs, but he also refused that. He would rather just use the wheelchair he built.

Anyways i’ll stop before this gets too stinkin’ long, kudos to whoever made it this far

[sparksinthenight]

Has anyone noticed how the advent of texting, social media, and stuff like that really changed the way humans interact with each other? Because like here on this website I'm literally broadcasting my thoughts and feelings to literally anyone and everyone who happens to come across them. And that like, doesn't feel weird at all. I can talk like an idiot who doesn't actually know how to talk, or in a very refined, logical and thoughtful way, or however I want, and I couldn't care less. But like, if I were to get on a stage and just verbally speak the stuff I write in my posts to a bunch of random strangers, I straight up would not be able to. Because that would be incredibly awkward. And like, I am still talking to a bunch of random complete strangers whenever I post things. But I can go and say "so a few days ago I had a very weird breakdown concerning being a queer girl in a society that expects all women to reproduce and marry men and that led me to do a bunch of random research and I somehow found out that the advent of trade and distancing from nature caused this whole mess and now I'm still a communist." And I don't feel weird about any of that. But I couldn't say it on a stage, even if whoever is reading this now was literally the audience. Well, I mean I could, but it would be really uncomfortable. Which is funny in it's own way. But then like, that's because in our society there's this social stigma around being open with strangers. And on the internet for some reason that stigma doesn't exist. And like, whenever your talking to someone who you don't know well, there's always the chance that they'll judge you. But, dear audience, while I absolutely do love y'all a lot, I could not care less what you thought about me. And that would somehow be different if we were in person. Not because I inherently am self-conscious but because social pressure kind of pressured me into caring. But damn, the more open and (absolutely fucking weird) I am on the internet, the more I find myself being able to be open in the physical world as well. Because I guess I can be able to be open with strangers without learned pressures affecting me, and then I guess I'm learning that it doesn't matter at all what anyone thinks about you, and I can apply th at lesson to the physical world too. K bye. Farest thee well in thine travels on this most fortuitous of morns.

[survivornavarino]

Episode #5: WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM -Rebecka

Back from exile so here's the happenings ~Immediately cried to Beckka about Tim leaving and being slaughtered in my arms. ~Messaged Trixie, well she messaged me about what happened our other tribal. ~Messaged all the favs cuz idc if Im at the bottom, im obviously bottom of fans or favs so WHATEVER. ~Talked a lot to Julia cuz we have a lot in common (Witchcraft, being 16 y/o babies, getting lit) ~Told all the favs I have no one in this game which is true. FAVS IF YOU LISTENING TAKE ME IN. PLEASE AND THANKS. ~Messaged Vi cuz at least she was with me.

Honestly what were they thinking with voting out Tee? I guess that's a challenge threat out of the way, so I won't complain.

https://youtu.be/HepZnpuimhM ________________________________________________________________ https://youtu.be/IJWWj23olkA

HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE LANA DEL REY SO MUCH NICE TRY AMIRADOR GET READY PUT ON UR ACRYLIC NAILS AND WINGED EYELINER WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM 

So the bad news is I found out Drew has been hardcore dropping my name since the game started and I thought we were cool but it's fine snakes will be snakes. I think he's a little shook about my at bat (me having won 1/3 games I've played) cause he's hinted at how crazy that is. And that would explain why he's pulling out fake receipts and conspiracies to get me out. Whew game recognize game https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ryans-reality-network/images/6/61/Awright_alyssa_edwards.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150724035546 The good news is Eddie is a real one, we really are Joe and Desi from HvHvH, and he spilled all the tea. And honestly we have a similar playing style so we're really about to go the distance, especially if I never get reunited with Julia or Rebecka. SO we need to slay this lip sync so we both live but on the off chance we lose, things are gonna kick into high gear. I've only seen one season of Survivor (HvHvH) but Tyler convinced me to watch Kaoh Rong and let me just say that has shed some light on things. Voting Jacob? Will always be there. Sending another fan out? No problem. Voting long-term? Now that's not a bad idea. So when I said, "What if we got Drew out?" Eddie was all ears. Obviously this is super early and under wraps BUT between the two of us we can make it happen. The key is Tyler and Jake so if we can get them we have a guaranteed majority. It all comes down to timing and the pitch. This is our best chance to clock Drew and whoever fails the vetting process will be left out. If Eddie says that whenever someone takes a shot at Drew they can't afford to miss and that has to be a blindside, then this plan has to be airtight. I wonder who could pull something like that off https://media.giphy.com/media/QmeB1Hr5fz7a0/giphy.gif

I volunteered to do the music video since I was a film major and have professional editing software. It puts a good deal of pressure on me because if we lose it looks like I really dropped the ball. However, I’m hoping that my attempts to organize us and edit the entire thing will earn me some respect and points from my tribe. It’s a bit frustrating getting ideas out of everyone. Nobody seems to want to volunteer thoughts or contribute to the brainstorming and we don’t have much time at all to get this done.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CdgOebQNYEE ________________________________________________________________ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cdsZyoPZe5Q

First challenge on a new tribe and we lost. WHOOP DE DOO. Im going to try and find an in with the favs and hopefully stick with them. Saying how I have no allegience in this game. Also I keep forgetting that I can idol hunt so Im just casually at level 4 still I think. Ill probably look in the morning. But what were we thinking with Great Balls of Fire. That song is iconic and now that Tyler won he has chances of getting an in with people, but I want him gone Obviously no can do since I am not on his tribe anymore. Might as well dwindle down his numbers from this side then.

So we lost the lip sync. I had to apply lipstick for the first time so that was fun. Sadly one of us has to go home and my guess is it's either Heather, Trixie or Vi unless me or another favorite is getting targeted secretly. I need Heather and Trixie in the game if i'm being honest, mainly due to Trixie having rumors spread about her on the OG Admirador tribe and I wanna see if I can mess around with that. Then Heather was saying that people on the OG Admirador tribe were being fake to her, and she also told me Tyler got paranoid due to Heather not responding to Tyler's messages. So I hope Tyler makes it past merge, because I can work with paranoia. For those who don't know I'm trying a villainy thing and it's probably gonna fail miserably and I'm gonna look like a dumb fuck but I was the hero on my season and I wanted to try villainy out. I'm not good at long confessionals I apologize I feel like i'm the kid in the class presentation who speaks in a monotone voice and makes everyone fall asleep.

Me to the other tribe if/when i reach merge and we get to talk: https://desmadrechic.tumblr.com/post/171063789210/oh-god Ignore the caption that came with the video ajsjsjdkjd

So the other tribe voted out Tee and I'm a n g e r y The challenge was a music video. Still a n g e r y We won. Still a n g e r y!

So like this is bad for the fans, I feel like the faves will just band together and take the easy vote route, I need to socialise today. I need to just make strong social bonds and make sure people want to keep me around. I wanna act dumb and want them to think I am a free number for them. I like Drew and feel like he will be loyal to me, I am no 100% sure what Mitch and Autumn will do but I feel like they will keep me over Jake and Tyler if we end up going to tribal.

Well look at that I got added to a new alliance chat...! Autumn added me, Tyler, and Eddie to an alliance and we named it "Keyboard Smashers" and um I like everyone in it but I also like Drew...so I'm gonna protec him! If we lose and we're still on the same tribe I think I'd want to vote out Mitch since he hasn't made any efforts to talk to me individually. It's a shame bc I think we'd have a lot in common, but oh well! Tbh I have a feeling that we're gonna swap into 3 tribes of 5 next round...my psyche is telling me this...and I'm always right! But I hope I'm wrong because I feel like I'm in a really good position on this tribe and I'm scared to swap on a tribe with people from the other tribe because I think Heather and Vi wouldn't work with me, neither would the faves on the other side. Anyways...I'm a bad bitch.

We just did THAT and I'm happy for it. I've not gotten the chance to be as much if a social butterfly as I would like because my work situation is still adjusting, so if I can keep staying safe until merge that would be highly appreciated. HeatherAs of right now he vote is Vi. I dont agree with it since she is the only one who has been truthful to me in this game so far. But I dont see any way of saving her right now. My only choice I feel in this game is to team up with the favs and get out the fans, which I don't mind as long as that fan isn't me. Plus the fans (minus my loves Vi and Tim) all left me out of the vote. If they think I am going to crawl right back to them come another swap or merge, they have something coming. HOPEFULLY THIS VOTE ISNT ME OR ILL CRY.

So I'm just like really sad because I love vi and I never wanted to vote her out of this game but I have to and that's really sad.  I don't really have much else to say I just feel super guilty.

du du du..... another fan bites the dust and another fan gone, another fan gone another fan bites the dust

Why is it that each tribal gets messier than the last? Well maybe I should back up. We lost... again. Wow what curse have we brought to this tribe. I call bs since we were nice enough to give an upbeat song. The judges are bias smh. Anyways literally no one talked. What vote who? I dunno. It’s super silent which brings bad news. Probably gonna have to expect to be voted out tonight. Oh well. Hopefully heather doesn’t get voted out but I feel like it’ll be another fan that’s gone. The favs know each other and so they’re banding together I believe. Such sadness. I’ll just have to wait until tribal to know tho

Oh, right, this is a thing I need to do. Anyway, same boring shit as always, I'd put "Drew won an immunity challenge" as my mood message but it could be about anything, really. I think there are only like two tribal challenges I've ever lost in Athena. Bonus points because it was the music video challenge so you know my ass floated by and gave it all of ten minutes of thought, but we had a damn savant on the tribe! I love it when tribe swaps work out well for me. People were expressing all this sadness for Trixie and Vi going to their fifth tribal in a row and I'm just sitting here like listen, any goddamn time someone wants to take my seat at tribal and give me the night off, they're welcome to it. Denise Stapley is a cute look on some people, I guess. I'm just fine over here with my Cirie Fields kickback realness, I don't need tribal council, y'all can wait until FTC to give me a torch as far as I'm concerned.

What's the haps? Stress, angina, and crippling anxiety. Anyway. We won immunity which I'm real happy about because I can nOT go to tribal council. I absolutely refuse to lose and I'm really hoping I just make it to merge without attending a tribal council. For some reason I feel like I will I will either go to like the tribal before merge and leave at the first tribal I attend or I will make it to merge without losing and I will be merge boot. I really am happy because I feel like if we went to tribal council Drew would have targeted Autumn which is something I am SOOOO against. I literally sold my soul to that girl and that's who I'm riding with for the rest of the game. So because I love ha so much I kind spilled the beans to her about Drew targeting her. I feel like really bad about it though cause I do consider Drew a close friend but for some reason I'm really having a hard time trusting him. I just feel like he's only with me until he doesn't need me anymore and then he'll totally see me for the threat that I am and take me out. I feel so bad about it but I just feel like it's what I needed to do to show Autumn that I trust her and have her back. Because of that I think Autumn would've gone after Drew and I feel like I would've had to pick a side and I really just can't vote Drew out yet njvjsdfkdnsjk. I would literally feel terrible about it cause I usually don't turn on my close allies pre-merge but if he goes after Autumn then I have no other choice. As I'm typing this I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't just tell Drew that I didn't want to vote Autumn out. Maybe he would've said ok we can target somebody else. Why don't I trust him enough to say that? Hmm idk I'm just so on edge. So a 4 person alliance was created and I'm soooooo happy. MY first alliance in this game! I finally feel have something I can maybe rely on and trust for a bit. It includes Autumn, Jake, and Tyler all of which I LOVEEEEE. Like omg this is my dream alliance I'm screaming. If we stick together we at least have enough to tie it. But who knows what will happen. I'm watching you JAKE >.>

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode #9: “I Don't Want to Play Duck Duck Goose Anymore; It's Time to Play All Stars” ~ Emily

WE MADE MERGE BABY

I just PM'd everyone from the other tribe I am SO happy for merge.  This came at the perfect time! Now I just have to make sure I win immunity and hopefully get pulled into an alliance or something.  I don't even know who I want to WORK WITH!! But I'm glad that there is a possibility to get numbers. Seriously I don't think I've ever PM'd so many people at a merge before, I usually wait for people to come to me but NOT TODAY BUCKAROOS.  it's time to show that i can be a social queen and get myself out of some sticky situations that could be coming my way with the old ata la la la la de dah tribe.

Merge! Woo! We are going into this merge split 6-6 even for tribal lines on both original tribes and swap tribes, which is kind of incredible. I don't know who I want to trust. I just know that if ruthie was willing to vote Lily before, she'll do it again. And that's the tea.

i'm bad at naming things um I DON'T KNOW BUT I NEED TO BE QUIET I'M SPILLING WAY TOO MUCH TO THESE PEOPLE AT THIS MERGE PARTY. I'm about to let it slip to Will that my old tribe has an alliance 0:) 

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE FUCKING MERGED!!!! LETS DO THIS YALL!!!! Okay, so here's the status of things. Obviously, I'm glad to be united with a few people again, but I'm already starting to form a potential boot order in my head. It clearly won't work this way for real, but there are a few people that I don't want to see getting much further. Ali is definitely one of them, for two main reasons. First of all, he's a challenge beast that is not at all to be doubted, and if he went on an immunity streak, it could throw not just a wrench, but an entire toolbox into the rest of my game. So he's got to go for that alone. But also, he's being so unreasonably bitter? Apparently, this doesn't apply to just him, but Emily and Owen both said that he was refusing to talk to them because of their challenge performance. Y'know, the challenge that was an entire day ago. You really would think they'd be a BIT less bitter at this point, but alas... apparently not. Dana and Will could be logical next boots after that, along with Ashvika. Not sure about that order, though. And... As much as I love Cameron, I don't know if I'd want to work with him. Every time I work with him, it never ends up going right, and he betrays me by relaying information to another alliance, never voting with me, or something of the sort. So he might be on that list earlier than my out-of-game self would want. Kevin could also be a boot opportunity early on, as his paranoia is so hard to deal with, and it makes him as unpredictable as going on Omegle's video mode. I don't know where I stand on Ruthie, though. It's hard to put an accurate gauge on where I want her in this game, as she could possibly be brought onto my side as an ally, but the Autumn vote may have ruined that. So I'll have to let that sit for a while. Ideal F3 (if it IS F3) is me, Emily (hehe), and Zach. Ideal F2 is me and Emily (duh <3). Ideal F1 is me.

I'm so sad about Jack going I'm like really sad. I miss him wtf I wouldn't have done him so dirty BRING BACK JACK 2K18

Merge time means tea time, which means everyone gets a little too comfortable and says things they shouldn't! I love how Ruthie is so willing to throw the other tribe under the bus and flip to our side, we LOVE a queen and we LOVE a Will warrior like her. Owen....idk what you were thinking siding with Emily and Lily when you had literally the perfect opportunity to take them out but ok work. Like I genuinely don't care if y'all felt bad for Lily feeling left out, that's the game we're playing. You need to check your feelings at the door or you will not win this game. As far as I'm concerned, Lily or Emily is next to go - whoever doesn't win immunity is gonna be gone. A good split vote will work there too just in case of an idol, but it's time to cut the threats loose and let the non-recruits take control. Sorry about it! ________________________________________________________________ And when I tell people it's gonna be a bloodbath, know that I'm not gonna be the one bleeding - I'll be the one left standing.

Okay merge time! Lots to confess on! Firstly, I am so ready for Sandra Diashvika Twine winning again, like wooOoOoOO! Otherwise, I am..... conflicted about who I wanna work with from atalaia. The majority on their tribe was Emily/Owen/Zach as a core group, with Lily and Kevin as 4th and 5th and Ruthie firmly in the minority. I definitely want to work with Ruthie, she clicks well into our group since she is a self proclaimed Will Warrior. The issue is however that I don't know if I can then work with Ruthie and then also Zach/Owen/Emily, because that leaves us with voting out Kevin which I don't think I necessarily want to do and Lily who I do want to go, but I don't know if Emily will. With that said, I think my goal boot order for the merge going forward would be: 12th = Lily 11th to 9th = Preferably maybe Zach > Emily > Owen as an order? That gives us a top 8 of the six from Loronha + Ruthie/Kevin. That might then (unfortunately) be the opportunity to turn on Cameron/Dana/Will as right now I feel like I'm probably number four in that alliance? I wanna really assess that because I do feel good about going really far with Dana,Cameron and Will provided I'm not just the clear cut 4th in that alliance. AHH, we will see eek. I think the four immediate targets should be Lily 1st, then Emily,Owen & Zach. The issue is however, is like a fool, Emily knows about my alliance, so if I do want to get her out, it needs to be a _major_ blindside, so if Lily wins immunity, maybe Emily needs to go? I love murdering my own children

merge!!!! thank god i was not going to survive another round in that tribe so i'm reunited with my favs Cameron and duncan. i just went on a call with dunc and received a PIPING cup of a tea from him: 1. first of all i spilled the beans to him on what happened at our tribe pretty much instantly. i also spilled the beans to will because keeping a secret to myself? not familiar with that concept #RatsOnly 2. apparently i played in lazio with duncan and he was bitter at me for 3 months??? skdkdkd 3. duncan and i want to be a #dynamicduo bc we think no one would expect it and since we haven't actually been on a tribe together we'll have different connections which will allow us to get more info and do stuff with that 4. duncan has a treehouse hideout thing which allows him to skip a tribal up until f10. also Cameron has an idol??? okay 5. some BITCHES on LORANHA apparently threw my name and lily's name out as easy merge boots. which is honestly realistic bc i haven't been in any alliance so i'm like the hali of this game but not as hot. but like...am i a threat??? neaux sir. i couldn't hear what duncan was saying but i think he said Cameron threw my name out???? not sure. whoever it is is a RAT. duncan suggested voting out ruthie instead which will like be chill i guess. anyways i need to try hard in immunity i guess 

Owen snatched immunity before I could even get started 

I'm a flop hi! I'm confessing I'm being a good castaway I promise! I did like twenty puzzles in total which took maybe a total of three hours... I fucking hate puzzles. But of course Owen won. He's here to PLAY. I'm just really concerned for Lily and I at this point. I KNOW that people are going to target us at some point because they've already started? I think people are just coming for my friends like Madison? Gone. Jack? Gone. Lily? Almost gone thank god we saved her in that tie revote. I dont understand??? Don't come for my boys tho. Protect Ali, Zach, and Duncan AT ALL COSTS!!! Also I have no clue why I have such a HARD ASS TIME trusting Owen? Like there's just.... I CAN'T TRUST HIM! He's proven to me time and time again that he's trustworthy but for some reason... HE'S NOT! I'm just happy to be back with Ali and Duncan though because like... I trust them a whole whole lot. A whole lot. And they have powers! Duncan has that hideaway he needs to use soon and he also has an idol. Ali has an idol. Also me thinking back to that idol that Ali and I didn't get after having to be quiet in the time chat for forever... I think Will has it. Sneaky sneaky snake that Will. I love him, but he's a SNAKE!!! OH speak of the devil he just messaged me fdjkfjaksdfa I LOVE WILL I PROMISE I just haven't gotten to be on a tribe with him yet and like I don't know where his head is at or his allegiances and stuff. Also Zach hasn't talked to me in a while and I DON'T WANT HIM TO ABANDON ME I love Zach!! And I literally wanna go to final three with him!!! Heck!! talk TO ME also I don't buy that not talking in the tribe chat is like ... only a disadvantage. I played this game before BUDDY!!! It got me nothing but I think it's gonna get him something so fajsdkfjasdkf UGH anyways I'm gonna go get Greek food this is the end of my confessional bye

Checking in as the worst player in all stars. I am mad at myself because I'm literally making all the same mistakes and am in this messy spiral that I can't get out of. Emily knows about my idol, which gets tricky for voting out her or Lily, Duncan knows *everything* including too much I said about Cameron, when I was still assessing whether to work with him and I've just boxed myself into a tricky spot. I'm literally making the same mistakes, like I'm just bad at this and it makes me so sad. I'm gonna get dragged to the end as a goat again and that makes me so sad, ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I wanted to rewrite my Athena experience, but instead of playing a terrible game without realising like last time, I am playing an even worse game but this time i can tell and it makes me sad. I cant wait to be dragged to the end as a goat again, this is gonna like crush my self-esteem even further into the swamp ajlfkajldfk. god I hate myself, and these games makes it so much worse

Ladies... we merged! I am honestly so happy I made merge, and that's my first of three goals, the other two being jury and 100 days. I really like everyone on our tribe. Like there's people who I worked with and will continue to work with, such as Emily and Owen, then there are people who I haven't worked with, that i'm excited and hopeful to work with, such as Dana, Cameron and Will. Overall everyone's great! There's only a few people who'd I enjoy seeing leave. Kevin - we don't have a superior connection. Sure, he's friendly and nice, but compared to my other conversations it's just... dull. Sweet kid though. Lily - I like Lily and would love to work with her, but she's close with Emily, has many advantages and similarly to Kevin, we just don't connect. Duncan is fine too. I like him and would love to work with him, and Dana said there's beef between him and Will so keeping them both in the game keeps us under the radar. Ashvika's a queen, and I love her. Ruthie's sweet but also like kind of AFK. Ali? A legend. If I had to, right now, predict a final three, it'd be: Ali, Will, and either Ruthie/Dana. We'll see how wrong I am sometime!! WOOH!! Also i can't talk in chats right now i'm so sad.

I'm.... literally the worst player left I'm screeching. Everyone is talking strategy and like I'm very out of it, like its interesting seeing Zach say (admittedly it wasn't exactly shocking) that he is close with Emily and Owen, as well as Dana & Cameron. Like... that's a lot of people, when me/Zach/Emily were a three person alliance, like.... yikes. Anyways, I am trying to see where I stand rn. I think I am still number four in the Dana/Will/Cameron/I alliance, so I'm thinking if I can get down to the nitty gritty with Ashvika/Duncan like that's actually a solid workable opportunity. I think I'd like to go to F5 with Ashvika/Duncan/Kevin/Ruthie? I just like the sound of that, and then I can figure it out from there... We will see I think I really want Lily out this vote, and then just one of the extended numbers for my L.A.W.D alliance, just so they can't flip away from me. I just feel really uncertain right now, so I wanna start eliminating numbers that are gonna cause issues for me, and Lily is the prime target for that. I really feel like I'm the worst player in the game and wanna try and resolve that somehow, but like... you can't fix a player as terrible as me hsjkdfajsdfa ________________________________________________________________ Who is ready for ali the goat the sequel! I sure am ________________________________________________________________ me: cries about telling too many people about my idol me: tells two more people making the number of people that know now equal 6 but its fun, and the aim of these games is to have fun and leaving sad confessionals isn't good, so lets just have fun with it.

Honestly, please self-vote out of this game if you're "close with Emily." If i have to hear that phrase one more time I WILL choke. Stop playing this game like you're close with Emily because unless you're me NEWS FLASH LADIES you're close with Emily!!! Her name is literally starting to sound weird to me because I'm hearing it so much. Like am I jealous of her? YOU BET. How do I make my mist as strong as Emily. I am sick of pacifying miss Emily. Ok on another note, my main bff Ali Bee told me he HAS THE IDOL that I told everyone Lily has and honestly im wigged. I'm so happy he has the idol. Also Cameron told me that someone good had an idol the other day, and I confirmed tonigt that this person he told me about was Ali so yee we love tea! The other good thing about that all going down as it did, is that later down the line (assuming I don't get murdered) I can be like "Will Ali and Cameron are vv close, Cameron got idol tea before us!!!" and use that as leverage. Right now apparently all the names out there are Ali, Lily, Ruthie, and Kevin. Owen, I just don't trust, and I really tried to sell my loyalty to him on call and if Owen were 5% less smart he probably would have bought it. I delivered an outstanding an emotionally confusing performance tonight and she deserves recognition.  Also I would like to thank everyone for nominating me for the role of village idiot of the season. It means a lot to me accepting this award. I'd like to thank Cameron for helping me really sell it to the people that i'm an illiterate meme just looking 4 a home amongst all these intimidating players I can't keep up with. Like UTR whommmm. Me? It's unlikely but apparently also working. Like i don't want people thinking it's worth their time to vote miss me out of this game when all the scary smart people are around. Keep me around for jokes and fake drama pls.

this was like before immunity results were even posted ________________________________________________________________

Alright team, here's the deal: merge boot, it can either be simple or it can be a mess. And this time it's gonna be a grade A mess. We have 6 people from each of the swapped tribes, and 6 people from each of the starting tribes, which means there's a whole messy web of connections between everyone going every which way. I have my core four of me, Ali, Cameron, and Dana (which has an even stronger core of just me and Dana) and we have connections with Duncan and Ashvika (the Loronha squad/Charlotte's Angels), with Owen (from the Elaenia days), with Zach (our cracked king) and with Emily (because who the fuck isn't connected with Emily). The thing is, EmiLily NEEDS to get broken up and everyone knows it, but we have people literally saying they won't vote Emily out until F5 but....guess what? If we let her get that far, she's LITERALLY GOING TO WIN like are you KIDDING ME. So since nobody wants to vote out Emily right now, and we need to break up that duo, the obvious target is Lily. But again, people are SO worried about burning Emily as a potential ally that they won't vote Lily. Like honestly props to Emily for literally smothering everyone with her mist to the point where they won't even try to play the fucking game anymore. We can't just vote out the outsiders forever, like we're at a point where the only "easy vote" left is Kevin (sorry king) and, according to some people, Ruthie (love u queen) - but the thing is, why would you take out an easy vote NOW when you have a chance to take a shot at a big threat? And honestly, I don't even know if Lily is really a threat to win this game since she doesn't speak to anyone when it isn't right before tribal so like....I'm talking about taking a shot at Emily by taking out Lily. If you wanna overthrow the queen, you have to take down her loyal aide first. Dana, Cameron, Ali, and Ruthie are the only people that seem to have completely detached themselves from the idea that "we need to play with our friends and we need to go for the easy votes" because let's see... what happens at F10 when you've taken out Ruthie/Kevin and all your "friends" are left? It's Survivor, you have to burn someone at some point. If you don't burn someone else, you're the one getting burned. I think I can convince Owen that it's better for his game to burn just Emily than to burn all three of me, Cameron, and Dana but... I really don't know. I love Zach but if he's saying he won't vote out Emily until F5.... then do you really deserve to be playing this game? If the jury really does start tonight, I also need to start playing a selfish game and figure out how I can get these people that we're gonna be voting out to vote for me. I have a lot of plans and big ideas, but I don't know for sure if or how they're gonna work. Right now we need to get at least one or two people onboard with voting out Lily...like that is going to happen tonight I am going to make sure she goes home.

Tag yourself I’m me exposing my whole friend group as friends but not including myself as a part of it #wig I love strategy!!!!!! No I don’t I’m just stupid

Everyone's so fucking dumb they act as if there aren't only 12 people on this tribe (10 technically since Lily never speaks to anyone apparently and nobody knows who Kevin is) like you can't be like "omg I only heard it was Ruthie" and not expect that I already heard your plan to divert from Lily going home by throwing Ruthie's name out there like what the fuck lmao

Okay so yesterday the options for voting were like Ruthie Lily and Kevin. I did not want to vote any of these people because I wanted to work/reconnect with the first two and the third person is me. BUT it appears the options are Ruthie and me so...my hand's been forced. I wanted to try reconnecting with Ruthie after that last tribal but I guess not hm. If I survive this tribal it'll be the third tribal in a row I've received votes so that'll be cute! I don't know who the source of my name is, I don't know if I want to know but I'd appreciate the information so I don't go rattling all my secrets to my own killer!! Wish me luck!!! :,)

DUNCAN WHAT THE HECK WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO VOTE ME OUT??? WHY ARE YOU THE ONE PUSHING ME, I DO NOT GET IT, WHY???

Everyone is being super shady rn I don’t understand who started with wanting ruthie out but I don’t trust lily and I’m working on flipping the vote that way. Also wHY is everyone so concerned about defying Emily?? People wouldn’t be down to vote Emily rn so it’s imperative we vote out lily bc they’re close 

If anything, the way people are acting about this vote is VERY telling about how they're playing this game and a lot of people? Aren't playing very good games. Shame, isn't it?

yeah so....this is a lot. a lot a lot. A LOT. First of all, when we merged let me just say I was so happy to be with that whole other tribe again. DUNCAN AND ASHVIKA and I? legends only. Ali? A king. BUT MY TRU BBYS DANA WILL AND Cameron??? A++++++++++++++++++++++ holy SHOOT. I love everyone in this game and it's so nice to be working with those people again. I had some explaining to do about the tied vote and the autumn vote....so that was fun. idk. the real fun started later. first of second of all, the fucking immunity challenge. ruthie and I were talking before it got posted and I was like hahaha I hope it's a puzzle!!!!! hahahaahahahahahahahaHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA man i rlly fucked up with that wish, huh? :') puzzles are my thing so when I saw it was puzzle comp I was like YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! it was my time to shine. well.... :) hehe :) be careful what you wish for in the athena series, folks, bc this genie is a savage :') i came into the comp just wanting to be cute. i wanted a fun time and all I got? cramps. and FATIGUE. and torture. i was so paranoid ali or emily would stay up all night doing them but seems like  was the only one truly crazy enough to ignore the fact that I had school starting the next day fakjsfjk but oh well. a win is a win, and the further I went the more I told myself that if I didnt win all the work would be for nothing. SO I DID IT! second of second of all, boy has this tribe gone to shit. lets get all the he said she said out of the way first. so I went on call with Duncan, he said he didnt wanna do Kevin and didnt wanna piss emily off so he landed on ruthie. he wants ruthie gone I was like ok. then i got on the call with will and he and I talked about maybe doing the easier thing like ruthie or kevin. then I get on call with will dana Cameron and,....fajskhjfk Cameron doesnt wanna do kevin or ruthie bc that's too easy. Cameron wants lily out as a move first, and I was ok with that, so were dana and will. basically like...we don't have sny reason to vote zach or ali yet, they dont wanna do emily yet, and duncan/ashvika didnt really come up as targets which left kevin ruthie and lily, the usual suspects. but then I talked to zach and he said he'd much rather do kevin. ok wig. then I talked to emily today and she wants to do kevin too. but then apparently lily found out from DUNCAN her name coulda gone around. I talk to lily aqnd first lily wants to do ali???? ok mood. but then fkasdhfkjds she was like everyone is doin ruthie. SO NOW, lily, duncan, and presumably ashvika were gonna do ruthie, emily doin ???? maybe kevin maybe ruthie, and will dana Cameron zach ruthie myself doin lily, and idk what ali's doin he told me he's thinking about going vegetarian and that's the biggest move he's told me about so far this round so fkshdfj ok ali. but like......uhg idk. ashvika doesnt want ruthie out, but ashvika apparently knows ppl are voting lily? god. GOD. third of all! some of my actual thoughts about all of this huge ass info dump..... I really really still love Dana, Will, and Cameron, but looking down the line, I am worried they will all be closer to each other than to me. They spent a lot of time together on that other tribe, and of the four of us they might pin me as a threat and kick me out. Cameron and I called privately as well and I told Cameron some additional things and he said that the other two might be a little sketched out by me rn but that if I vote with them it'll be fine. I also still....really love Will bye :'( what a king. I have talked to him a lot one on one about everything going on, and I just hope he trusts me too. It's just that of the four of us, I have a lot of the connections like outside ofour alliance (emily and lily, zach, duncan/ashvika, etc) which is GOOD FOR ME but also....playing both sides is not gonna be fun when sides come, and also I don't want them to freak out about my loyalty. I also still REALLY want to work with Zach and he might even be one of my closest allies rn as well. I don't want to be on a separate page from him. he's good. and he still really wants to work with emily too. NOW. I messaged Ali a lot about how like he might be seen as a threat down the line and that I might start to be one too and that we should have each other's backs and he agreed. He claims he doesn't think of himself as a threat and also like every time he speaks it's something about how he thinks his game is awful.... fskjdf i wish he would spend more time talking to me about his thoughts this time around and not his thoughts about how he played in emathia but! that's ok. Cameron also apparently has some tea on him....? That he didnt want to tell me.... Could Ali have an idol idk. Also it's really clear that Ali and Cameron are VERY close after that swap. But I like them both and want to move forward with both of them. I also called Emily one on one and told her the same thing - we're both gonna be threats soon, and we need each other. And I think that's true. So when I look ahead, it doesn't make sense for me to get Lily out at this vote. There's going to come a time when everyone who loves each other is gonna blow tf up and start targeting the threats. Which is why I'm trying to build mini-groups outside of my core alliance. My group with Duncan and Ashvika is good. But my group with Lily and Emily is another one. If Kevin left, then I would literally be good with so many people and they'd all be hopefully targeting each other. Emily and Lily are targets over me, Will wants Duncan out pretty bad and Duncan wants Will.... idk where Zach and Dana fit in but I love them and I don't think Zach would turn on me yet. But the closer it gets to voting, the more Will wants to do Lily, and I'm really at a crossroads here bc I don't want to make Emily mad or anything... Basically my main alliance wants Lily gone bad, which isn't necessarily bad for me but it's not best. And the people outside that alliance are split between Ruthie and Kevin and idk. If I really want to come out and say it, I could try to get dana Cameron and will to vote kevin. but they're just gonna think it's bc I wanna work with lily which is....not necessarily wrong. idk there's just a wheel that keeps spinning and I don't know when or where it's gonna stop. right now I'm thinking Lily. but how do I move forward from that? how am I going to get to the end of this game? I don't think I can unless I get to a point where I can win out. idk yall im still a mess rn but isn't that what we were all expecting dflfdk at least it wont be me. ________________________________________________________________ in other news will and I will be going as wario and waluigi for halloween so watch out

it's over luigi i'm going home tonight duncan was like "well most people have said ruthie" and that's like cool or whatever but then i'm like "well who said my name" bc i don't wanna like talk to the wrong ppl and then duncan has gone SILENT sjsjs if i survive it'll be a miracle sent from god our father

Wowowowow this is a mess. Here's how i presume the vote going down tonight. 

We (oh good l.a.w.d) are trying to save ruthie and kill lily. We have us 4 plus ashvika and ruthie, which is 6. I believe owen, zach, emily, and lily will likely vote kevin. Thats 4. I think kevin and duncan will probably vote ruthie. Thats 2. Lily goes, barring further complications. Bless up. 

I love starting the plan to get lily out and securing votes and then having someone else come tell me that we’re voting lily tonight! 

90% of the time I have no idea what the fuck this tribe is talking about. Okay, so, picture this. It's around 6:30, I've been talking with Cameron and a few others, and what I hear is that the vote is for Ruthie. I think this is alright, and I set my phone down, diverting my attention towards the delicious tacos I prepared for myself. At 6:55-ish, I get back on Skype, and now Cameron is telling me that everyone is voting for Kevin! I don't know about y'all, but it seems a BIT suspicious that the vote would change like that in less than a half an hour with no explanation to it at all! It just feels like this is some elaborate ploy, so that people can get me distracted with these two options and just blindside me. I thought this would be unanimous, but Perhaps The Fuck Not, My Good Sirs

this is how i'm looking at everyone in this tribe rn I trust NO ONE. Cameron told me "oh yeah the majority's voting ruthie" and so did duncan and then i talk to some people to whom i say "you know i'm voting ruthie probably" and then they're like "oh okay cool haha you do you!" which is the most blatantly transparently WISHY WASHY response you could give like they'll say "well who knows what could happen" like you might as well stab me because that'd be more enjoyable than this!!! and then i talk to lily later and lily's REAL with me and she says the majority WAS to Ruthie but now it seems like everyone's voting me?? and then i talk to emily and she's like "oh the majority's voting ruthie" and i'm like WHAT RHE FUCK IS FOING ON. Cameron says he has no idea what's going on. tonight's mood is paranoia, betrayal, and utter confusion to sum up my mental state in one word...fuck 

This is going to be a fun one 

This is a letter put in a time capsule for Dana, Will & Cameron. I just want to confess about how much I love you three. Dana, you always describe yourself as upsetting, but in reality I think you are one of the funniest and most genuine people in this community. Your pep talk you gave me on call was so nice, and its been a pleasure to actually work with you this time alkjdfa. Will, you are TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. You put so much energy in helping me build myself up, but remain too critical of yourself. You don't realise how popular you actually are and how much time people have for you. Cameron, m'fave. I love you so much, you and Captain are the most iconic duo (I'm done waiting) and I think you are the best. anywho, soppyness over. I felt they deserved that because on call yesterday they were so nice to me and I wanted to return the favour. ________________________________________________________________ OKAY SO THIS VOTE. I.... highkey have wanted Lily to be merge boot since we merged, so this is going a way I support. Also, I am forever an Ashvika warrior, we have decided to stan forever. Right now, Me/Ashvika/Dana/Will/Cameron/Ruthie are all voting Ruthie, which is 6/12. It looks like the other 6 aren't gonna be united or one of the 6 is gonna vote with us, so it looks like Lily is going. Unfortunately, that requires upsetting Emily, so I'm trying to very delicately clue her in that Lily is in jeopardy. Its not even that I wanna lie to her, Im more just concerned about upsetting her. Its a mess! whewie whewie whew. owenlol fkasdjhfkjsdhfkjs so now like I'm confident Lily is going, Ali, Ashvika, and now Ruthie are all voting her even though Zach isn't, but it now comes down to whether or not I tell Emily and idk. I just wish Kevin could gtfo because he's not a number for me. I'm hating my life rn fskjfhjds but ! oh well! maybe I'll just vote kevin and deal with it later.

whatever it isn't the end of the world I don't think....but damn if Lily has an idol now would be the time to play it huh

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people are voting for lily apparently or something i'm too young to think this much idk

There's nothing better than playing the absolute DUMBEST when shit hits the fan, thank you Queen Dana for telling Emily it was gonna be Lily, because now Emily thinks I'm just as confused as she is. We love a good ruse.

EMILY WHY. I tried to like subtly clue you in (as did Dana) and you just sent everyone's pms everywhere askjdfafaf I love you so much but Lily is a sinking ship and you are drowning with her

But for real, Dana leaking like that accidentally and creating the last minute chaos is really an Ashley's Idol 2.0 because I may be able to lie my way through this and hold onto Emily's trust at least for one round...or so...Who knows!

I recorded both of these before the vote and I just uploaded them

I recorded another one of me going crazy but honestly it's not cute and y'all would fear for my sanity so i'm not uploading it

Lily becomes the 9th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 8-3-1 votes. You can see Lily’s preseason interview here.

After being voted out and placed on the jury, Lily decided to walk from jury. Charlotte, being the more recently voted out player, became the first member of the jury.

[survivorbouvetisland]

Final Tribal Council: Opening Speeches!

LILY’S OPENING SPEECH 

Hello everyone! I’d like to start this speech off by congratulating my fellow finalists, Andrew and Bodhi. Although both of them played things differently, they both played stellar games, and I’m glad to sit by their side. I’d also like to thank you all for helping me make it to the finale, whether it was indirectly or directly. All of y’all played wonderfully and made this game rather enjoyable. As you may be able to tell by looking at my history here, pre-merge wasn’t too huge for me (it was basically just trying to win immunity and not die), but it did help me to initially form some close alliances that helped me make it to where I am today. From that very first swap, Andrew and I stuck close together, and I made sure to keep myself friendly with everyone else (except Regan :P), gaining the trust of Jacob and Jay along the way. I established enough of a bond with everyone who I could actually be with before merge so that I could survive more than my first round. Which kind of helped, seeing as I wasn’t much of a threat at all and ended up on the minority a lot, sometimes even being the sole vote for whoever my target happened to be. Like I mentioned before, the votes never really shifted too much in my favor during the early merge, and I was often left both looking and feeling clueless when tribal itself rolled around. However, during the round where Trixie went home, I began to shift myself over into the majority, flipping on my former allies to join up with Andrew and the boys to take out Trixie, and it turns out that I was the vote needed to get them into the majority. From that point on, my game took a turn for the better, and I soon found myself somewhat in control, even if it wasn’t that obvious. Soon thereafter, Jacob approached me with a plan: He, Andrew, Nehemiah and I would all flip on our alliance to vote out Bodhi, to eliminate the “snake” of the Lugia tribe. However, word got out of that, and I knew that it would be a horrible idea to follow through with the plan and take the risk of alienating myself and putting myself in the minority so shortly after I had gotten myself into a better position. So, in an effort to keep the peace between me and both Bodhi and Jacob, I cast my vote for Nicholas, indirectly sending Jacob to the jury and keeping the respect of my peers. That respect would be crucial from that point forwards, as the game narrowed down and every move that we made would have an impact on the flow of the round. There was a rather clear divide from that point forth, with Roxy and Nicholas standing against me, Andrew, Nehe, and Bodhi, with Nehe occasionally turning around to cast a vote for me instead. However, I ignored the chances to retaliate and send him home for the reason that there were much more important things that I could’ve accomplished. After making it through the final 6 and ignoring Roxy’s attempts at persuading me into a flip, I took my opportunity at the final 5 to eliminate Nicholas, who was a rather serious threat to win if he managed to make it to the finale. Being close with the jury made him a prime target for that round (and thank God he didn’t have immunity), and I was able to make sure that the vote stayed on him with the two gentlemen sitting by my side at this FTC. Overall, although I may have started as an underdog, the merge gave me a prime opportunity to step up into a position of power, find close allies, and make it to the end of the game. Thank you all for listening, and I look forward to answering any questions that you might have!

ANDREW’S OPENING SPEECH

Hello members of the jury! First I would like to thank the hosts - Dana, Rob, and Daisy - for hosting this awesome season. You guys rock and I know we were pains in the asses a lot of times but we love you all the same <3

Now onto my statement. At the start of this game, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. These were a lot of people that I had not played with before, or people that I had problems with in prior games and was not sure if I could work with them. I was taking everything with a grain of salt, and seeing what I could do with what I was given. I was immediately able to align with both Nicholas and Jay in the beginning, which was a start. I tried being social enough, and I tried to show some initiative on the tribe. Pre-merge went absolutely fine and I never quite felt like a target. I felt comfortable, but not blindly comfortable. I felt as if I could solidify myself as a threat in the game that could have the potential to be difficult to take out. People seemed to trust me, because I was offering my loyalty. It was even so much so that I was voted as the representative to help pick new tribes, which managed to get Lily, Jacob, and Bodhi in my good graces of loyalty as well.

The major part of my game that I wanted to be the most evident was my loyalty. I never really lied in this game unless you were the target and at that point, I feel as if a lot of the time the target knew if I was voting for them. I was upfront with my allies because I didn’t see reason to throw lies around left and right, and I didn’t see a need to try and play the middle. I was giving out my loyalty to people I felt I could trust. At times, I felt like it was thrown back and kicked to the curb which was something I had to deal with. This could be applied to when I should have been voted out, when the conflict of whether Nicholas or Nehe had voted me, and when Jacob was taken out and I could not save him. But again, that was something I had to deal with. Just because I was showing loyalty doesn’t give that person obligation to give it back at the same level. But at the end of the day, I feel like that’s what got me here.

A lot of my merge game was based off of the trust I had in my allies and showing that I had no intentions on stabbing them in the back. This worked out a lot of the time seeing as Lily trusted me enough with her idol searching, Jacob trusted me enough to tell me of his idol, and probably biggest of all was Nehe playing his super idol on me when I was targeted by the alliance of QuilLynn, Trixie, Nicholas, and Roxy. Nehe has always described it since then of not wanting to see me go because he felt like he could work with me, and I think that was a large sum up of my game that got me here. I wasn’t giving reason to get voted out for a large portion of the time. I had gained enough trust with Nehe for him to do that huge favor for me. People seemingly trusted me and thus would come to me talking a lot of their game, and when someone comes to discuss game with you and bounce ideas off of you or discuss their idol(s) with you, then a lot of the time that means they aren’t voting you out. I became the person to talk to, and being the trusted ally for many people helped keep a target off of my back.

I think on top of the loyalty and “be the good ally” card was also the level of initiative I wanted to try taking. Admittedly, it didn’t work all of the time. A lot of it was used to keep Lily and Jacob in the game as long as I could, since I trusted them greatly especially after Jay was taken out. I managed to cater to a lot of my allies as well when it came to their varying opinions. The biggest example of this was probably when Jacob was planning to take out Bodhi. He really wanted me to vote Bodhi with him, but I discussed with Nehe that I didn’t want to choose, and being 95% sure that Jacob was going anyway, I got him and Lily to switch their votes to Nicholas to make it seem like I was saving Bodhi, when in reality I was saving my own ass. After that, Bodhi and Nehe still had strong trust in me and we were able to go from there. I needed to keep the peace between a lot of my allies not because I wanted a peaceful final 5 or 6 alliance to just waltz to the end of the game, but more so that I could stay out of the conflict and be trusted even more.

I think with all of this taken into consideration, I hopefully played the best game out of the 3 people sitting at the end. Both people next to me are obviously deserving, but I hope you see the strategy in my game that got me here enough to possibly give me your vote to win. I’ll be happy to try and show you any more that I can in any questions, statements, tasks, or downright drags you have on my gameplay. Thank you jury and I’m looking forward to your statements.

BODHI’S OPENING SPEECH

Hello Jury!

I'm excited to be here and plead my case to y'all, because I'm relatively certain that I played the best game, and I can't wait to get in to it.

My game was a combination of a social game that got me in almost everyone's good graces at almost every vote (with glaring exceptions of course), and a strategic game in which I flipped back and forth and cut everyone who I needed to in order to get to the end against two people who played poor games.

Before I keep talking about the foundational aspects of my game, I'm gonna run through a quick overview of the events in the game, the alliance structures, and how I fit in to it/used it to my advantage.

This entire game since the merge has been an extension of the Jay vs Trixie feud. This feud wasn't completely my doing, but I will take partial credit. Jay and Trixie were my two closest allies at the beginning of the merge. However, my goal was never to make them work together.

When the merge hit, I hinted to Trixie that Jay had a bit too much power, and right when Trixie said that getting rid of Jay was a good idea, I ran to Jay and told him that Trixie was considering voting him out. Trixie eventually caught wind of the fact that I had told Jay about her targeting him, which wasn't great for my alliance with Trixie. Unfortunately this caused her side of things not to trust me as much as I would have liked at first. Jay was voted out, which was not great for me, but I went to work.

After this vote, I needed to replace Jay as my number one ally on the anti-Trixie side. Andrew, Jay and I had made a final 3 deal right before Jay was blindsided, so Andrew was the natural replacement.

As for the other side, I immediately went to QuilLynn and apologized for voting for them. I also went to Trixie and told her how incredibly surprised I was that they voted her rather than Q, and that if they had told me it was Trixie they wanted out I wouldn't have gone along with it. I said that the only reason I was left out of the plan was how hard I was defending Trixie.

All this time, I'm not quite fitting in with a majority, but I have as many people as possible wanting to work with me. I'm in good with Nicholas, Roxy, and Nehemiah on personal levels, and the only people I didn't feel like I was actively working with were Jacob and Lily.

That is why I decided to target Jacob on the next vote. It was going to be Q, Trixie, Lily, and myself all voting for Jacob, and the majority splitting their votes between Q and Trixie. I had planned on voting for Jacob until right before the vote when Trixie mentioned that she knew who had the last idol. I concluded that it was Q right away, and confronted them. Q said that she did have it, so I decided that i wouldn't throw away my trust with Jacob/Andrew/Nehe/Nicholas/Roxy, and I would instead vote for QuilLynn because the split that we were planning on never ended up happening.

Unfortunately, Q didn't play the idol, and I don't think she even had it. Even more unfortunately, Roxy+Nicholas+QuilLynn+Trixie were all voting for Andrew, who was my way in to work with the other side. Nehemiah's super idol saved Andrew, and took out Q, which ended up being perfect for my game.

This vote defined more clearly who was on the two sides. Trixie's side was Nicholas+Roxy+Trixie, while Jay's side was Andrew+Lily+Nehemiah+Jacob+myself.

After trying to vote out Jacob last vote, I decided to be completely open with him and tell him why I did it. I lied a little bit to make it look better, but for the most part I was honest. Based on what I knew about Jacob, he was a fairly rational player who would understand my reasoning for wanting him out. I said that the plan was only there in case Q were to play an idol, I wanted the person that I spoke to the least in our alliance to go home. I was completely blunt with him, but said that I also really wanted to work with him going forwards. After this vote, I was actually starting to be loyal to Jacob.

The next vote was the only one in the game where I didn't play both sides. After Q had been voted out, Trixie was being rude to me in my PMs, which made it clear to me that I didn't have her as an option to work with anymore. And based on the previous two votes, I never really had. Trixie was voted out incredibly easily, and I used the opportunity to build trust with Nehemiah/Jacob/Andrew/Lily.

At the final 7, we were going to have another easy vote, and take out Nicholas. I talked it through with Jacob, and we had a bit of a split vote in place, but after a little while Jacob started becoming distant. The strategic relationship I'd been building with Nehemiah was built on the premise that he was incredibly loyal to just a few people, as we saw when he played a super idol on Andrew. This paid off when Jacob told Nehemiah that everyone was on board to vote out Bodhi. Nehemiah came right to me, and then we both went right to Nicholas and Roxy.

I knew that Nicholas and Roxy were huge jury threats since they flipped, because it made them underdogs. The worst thing to have at a final tribal is an underdog. You need to trim everyone who is on the bottom, or you need to be on the bottom yourself. But at the same time, you can't rely on a huge majority alliance, because someone has to be on the bottom, and I didn't want 4th or 5th place. My plan was to get rid of one person from my alliance and then bump myself up to be in the top 3 of the alliance.

Voting out Jacob at the final 7 wasn't fun, because Jacob/Nehemiah/myself had been my ideal final 3 at that point, but if Jacob wasn't loyal to me, I wasn't loyal to him. I made a funny voting confessional to make Nicholas and Roxy feel good about me sticking with them, but I never planned on doing that. However, Nehemiah showing me his loyalty at this vote gave me someone to trust while I needed to.

At the next vote, there were two well defined sides in Roxy+Nicholas vs Andrew+Lily. I made sure that Andrew and Lily knew that I was good with them, and I planned on voting Roxy out. However, Nehemiah came to me saying "hey let's tie it up 3-3 between Roxy and Lily and then on the revote flip to voting Lily out. I tried to explain how that was a bad idea, but he wasn't listening so I just flipped on his 3-3 plan to make it 4-2 against Lily so we wouldn't have to deal with a revote. Unfortunately, Nehemiah ended up flipping on this plan after I had already gone to sleep, and it became a 3-3 tie specifically because I had flipped on it.

Nehemiah did NOT want to go to rocks, so I easily convinced him that we should vote out Roxy. However, I used this opportunity to fully solidify my alliance with Lily which we had been struggling to do for the whole game. I had kept contacting Lily and trying to get her to trust me, but she wouldn't give me enough info to make me completely comfortable going to the end with her. Had she been better at convincing me that she was telling the truth, I wouldn't have voted for her at the final 6, but unfortunately she wasn't excellent at making me comfortable.

On the way out, Roxy accused me of playing a bad game, and that I was basically ensuring that I wouldn't make it to the end. I'll touch on that later, because I believe that it was an unfair criticism. To touch on it briefly, I used the vote to convince Lily that Nehemiah was completely against her, and to convince Andrew that Nehemiah was not to be trusted. This happened in order to ensure myself a place in the end.

The main criticism waged against my game was that I didn't guarantee myself a spot in the end. However, I did everything that I could to ensure that I would be in the end with Andrew and Lily once it got down to it.

After I told Roxy that she was going home, she asked "did nehe vote me too?" followed by "i mean for him its an ok move cause he has lily and andrew  xd." I wouldn't have voted out Roxy and Nicholas if I weren't confident in the final four I would be safe over Nehemiah. Roxy misunderstood who was "in" with Andrew and Lily, and based her attacks on my game on that. I had enough control to get Nehemiah, my closest ally, to slowly throw his game away for me, while I built up my final 3 bonds to ensure that I'd be sitting here at the end.

At the final 5 vote, Nehemiah voted for Lily. This was such a blessing, because it made Nehemiah into an obvious target for my new final 3 deal of Lily+Andrew+myself. I told the two of them that Nehemiah was just trying to get the jury votes of Nicholas, Trixie, QuilLynn, and Roxy. Nehemiah had been my closest ally for the past two votes, but I knew that I needed to get to the end with a pair. It's no secret that Lily and Andrew would vote for the other one to win the game, and I'd rather they weren't on the jury.

The Nehemiah vote was quite hard but I'd been preparing myself for this ever since Roxy went out. I love Nehemiah, but I had to ensure myself a spot at the end, and that unfortunately was at his expense. I threw him quite under the bus because I knew that Andrew/Lily wouldn't vote each other out, and I also knew that I'd have an easier time beating them at the end.

Nehemiah called me a coward for not forcing a fire making tie breaker challenge, but in reality it was not even close to that. I knew who would be easier to beat, and I knew that if I was at the end with Nehemiah who had just taken Andrew down in a fire challenge, I would be at a disadvantage. Many of my moves in this game can be split between Nehe and myself, and I'd rather not have anyone else sitting at the end and claiming credit for my moves.

There is clearly a perception that Andrew had "puppets." I don't think that's true at all. Andrew might have had one puppet in Lily, but he wasn't controlling anything about the game. There were certainly two sides, but I don't think that my game (or Nehemiah's game) can be classified as one of those two sides. Nehemiah and I played more of a ping pong type game. We both flipped when we needed to but tried to play it off like we were loyal. The biggest difference between our games is that I ended up voting Nehemiah out.

From the very beginning of the merge, I was never truly loyal to any one person. I constantly was aligned with many people on both sides. I always had as many options open as I possibly could, and I was constantly trying to open up new doors to work through. I didn't get dragged to the end by the people I'm sitting here with, rather, I gave them permission to sit here because I am confident that I played a better game than either of them.

There were many points in the game where people expressed their dislike of Lily to me. Personally, I don't get it, and I think Lily is a wonderful person, but I knew that there were problems that people had with her socially that would make her easier to beat than some of y'all.

Andrew was playing a bad enough game that there was a tribal in the early merge where he received the majority of the votes. I can't think of a single thing that Andrew did all game aside from being nice. I don't think that is an inherently bad strategy, but the night that Nicholas was voted off we had a long conversation in which Andrew TRASHED under the radar gameplay. He believes that to deserve to win, you need to have made big moves. I don't completely buy in to that belief, but if we use Andrews criteria to judge who played a "good game," there is absolutely no way that Andrew or Lily deserve to win. Neither of them made a single move this game aside from sticking to their majority alliance and their pregame relationship with each other.

I played a game in which almost no one wanted to vote me out despite my being the player in the middle who posed the biggest threat to the stability of both sides. I played VERY visibly, to the point where a tribal question accused me of being a very vocal played, but I was able to shield myself from being voted out with my social game.

I deserve to win because I made the moves that I needed to make and controlled the direction of the game better than either of the people I'm sitting next to, while I still made great personal connections with almost every single juror. I never did anything that I didn't need to, but I didn't just let myself get dragged to the end either. My social connections were strong enough that people never went through with voting me out, despite knowing that I was a threat to win.

Since I won't be here to answer all of the questions (I might be able to fit a few in depending on when FTC starts) I'm going to do a brief Q&A session where I answer questions that y'all might ask me. (This is really just me asking myself questions and pretending I'm clever and important)

Q: Why did you vote for __ at _ vote?A: Here's a brief answer for every vote I cast this entire game:

Cole boot -> I voted for Kelsey because I wanted to create some drama. I knew that it was Cole or myself going home, but I was confident enough in my relationships that I didn't feel like I needed to vote for Cole. I wanted to create some chaos surrounding the sole vote for Kelsey, and not have anyone know who did it. However, when we swapped, I took the opportunity to call out Trixie and Nehemiah to my new tribe and ask for an explanation to the tribe chat of what happened at the vote from both Regan and Kelsey. This made everyone on my new tribe think that I was alone on my original tribe, but it was also just a really fun time for me because I knew that none of what I was talking about was actually real.

Regan boot -> everyone was voting Regan and so did I.

Kelsey boot -> I voted for Kelsey because I was on the bottom. Being sent to exile and then joining a tribe of 3 who have all been to tribal together very recently, at which they all voted together is a terrible position to be in. They were planning on voting me out, and I knew this, so I decided to ask Jay to get on call, where we had a pretty good conversation about a variety of topics, and then when I asked about the boot, we had bonded to the point where he was willing to flip it. Kelsey was my only option to vote and stay safe.

Jay boot -> I voted for QuilLynn because I thought that was what the majority was doing. Q and I hadn't really talked at this point so I had no regret. Before that was the plan I was going to vote out Lily, but Jay got me to vote for QuilLynn because she was playing both sides.

QuilLynn boot -> I was going to vote Jacob but Q said that she had an idol so I voted Q to keep my bonds with the majority alive.

Trixie boot -> everyone was doing it, and I was happy with Trixie leaving.

Jacob boot -> he wanted me out so I wanted him out.

Roxy boot -> I felt more comfortable going to a final 5 that didn't have both Nicholas and Roxy.

Nicholas boot -> with only one more challenge left, I knew Nicholas would work his ass off and have a guaranteed 3 votes. Letting Nehe vote with Nicholas gave me the opportunity to get folks to distrust him.

Nehe boot -> I don't know if this has happened yet because I'm writing my tribal answers before immunity results are even up, but at this very moment I think that it's what's gonna happen.

Q: Why did you call yourself Porcupine? A: Dana asked me to apply as a catfish. However, I didn't want to sign in and out of two different skype accounts for this game, and I've never been a catfish before. So I decided to play a character on the same skype. Porcupine played a very different game than Bodhi would have. I was a lot more sloppy as porcupine because I thought that would be a lot of fun, and it absolutely was. However, my sloppiness subsided after the final 9 tribal, and after that I tried to clean up my game but still play the same style of being on everyone's side.

Q: Pick a number between 1-10 A: 5

Q: Pick a number between 1-100 A: fuck you

Q: Compare yourself in the context of this particular game to a survivor player A: After considering Sugar and Adam Klein, I've settled on Johnny FairPlay. I had a sloppy start, but when the merge hit, I had the opportunity to pit people against each other and work with everyone I could. I had a bit of a mean edge in a few voting confessionals here and there, which I'm not exactly proud of, but my goal was to entertain the people left in the game to the point that they would feel good about working with me. I used the fact that I won't even be around at FTC as leverage to make people more willing to take me to the end, which can be perceived as a little bit cheap, but I could have decided to just not use it, which would've been bad gameplay. That doesn't completely correlate to the grandmother lie, but my using anything that I could to gain an advantage even if it didn't directly stem from the game can at least kind of compare. I was able to play a visible game, but one that didn't make me a target instantly.

Q: What was your favorite moment in the game? A: There are a few that I could point to, but my absolute favorite was Furbygate. This was an incredible fight after I learned that it was staged. Watching this absurd fight break out in the chat and having everyone fall for it was absolutely legendary.

My second choice is one that didn't happen because the hosts wouldn't let me. At final 6, I was attempting to convince Andrew/Lily/Nehemiah that I had an "immunity negator" advantage which stated that people would have to not cast their votes in the time leading up to tribal, and then live at tribal I would steal Nicholas's immunity and we'd all pile our votes onto Nicholas. But in reality, this didn't exist, and I just wanted Andrew/Lily/Nehemiah to self vote because it would be funny. Eventually I realized that the hosts would keep hounding people to cast their votes go the point where they would know that it wasn't a real advantage, and they might try to flip on me. This plan was only ever a consideration because the hosts were unclear as to whether they would let me get to the end or not, seeing as though I wouldn't be around at final tribal. For a little while I thought that they wouldn't let me win the game, so I figured it would be fun to explode my game in that type of way. However it turned out later that they would let me get to the end as long as I didn't accumulate too many strikes, so I turned this plan around and claimed it was just a joke. And it was just a joke, but it was one I wanted to go through with.

Q: Of the other two sitting next to you, who would you vote for? A: Andrew and it's not even close. Lily played for Andrew to win. She gave him an idol because of their pre-existing friendship. Andrew didn't do much of anything for his own game other than get into an alliance and hope for the best, while Lily actively did things for his game. Andrew didn't even use the idol that he was given well. He essentially threw it away, just negating one vote and proving to everyone that he and Lily are tight.

Q: you told me that you didn't want to win, is that true? A: there was a point earlier in this game where I just assumed that I would be away from final 7ish to the end and that my best path would be as a goat. However I always wanted to win, I just knew that telling people "hey I'm just here for you to win" would make them want to keep me around.

Q: How many continents are there? A: FOUR

Q: how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had a will to live (Lily gave me this one) A: an adequate amount

Q: Why were you so mean to me on my way out? A: this is something I couldn't figure out how to fit into my main part of the speech, so I'll just throw it in as a question. I wanted folks in the game to think of me as playing a bad game, so I made cocky statements about porcupines and rewrote Dr Seuss books as voting confessionals so that people would think I was an easy beat at the end, and would want to take me farther. I capitalized on every possible thing I could think of to get myself to the end, and played a far more nuanced and creative game than the two people I'm next to. Sure, Andrew might have been more likable, and Lily might've won more immunities, but at the end of the day I worked harder at playing from every angle of the game and using every single aspect of how people think to better my own position in this game.

[ky-w]

My boss is leaving.

So my boss came down to our little tiny office today to announce she is leaving.

I’m super sad about this as she’s been super good to me throughout my whole social transition, she was the first one I told and has been thus far my only contact regarding changing my name and stuff at work. Luckily I guess it’s going to be an internal application as for some reason that’s the way it works at my company we tend to only hire internally for jobs like hers and mine. So it means there’s a chance it’ll be someone good someone who knows and someone I can trust.

It’s weird when I first started there was no one I could really trust with this info but I chose her and I’m glad I did because she was good.

I’ve got a few people I hope get the job, I don’t think other staff would want them more in charge but I do because TBH it won’t really affect them. If they hire internally I doubt they will replace whoever replaces her (budget cuts are a fun time) which isn’t too bad just means everyone else has MORE WORK to do.

I would apply for her job if I was 3 years older and had 3 years more managing experience. However if they bump people up and a lower management job pops up I’ll take the shot for sure. Her job is something I would like to do especially at the company I’m at. Some hate it but I like it because of how good they’ve been to me regarding my transition. Other people haven’t had the same luck. But it’s my life so I gotta protect that and work with that. Y'all get it.

Anyway she’s not leaving till June, so hopefully they find someone good. It’ll be a slow transition with the person they hire slowly taking on her jobs as she slowly gets less and less till she leaves and starts a new job at (a company) I don’t want to say incase anyone works there. Which would be freaky.

The only person I don't want to get the job is Chris. He's nice but I mean he has to ask US how to do his duty manager job. Because he doesn't know how to do some of the stuff. He also has to ask where stuff/places is and he's been working there a fair time.

Anyway left work a little sad today. But happy I’ve still got her for a few months.