#however they very easily beat themselves down when they make a mistake and they become pessimistic and self conscious very easily

[yamham154]

reposting my sonadow fankid cuz i redesigned them!!

uhh their name is sterling the hedgehog and they’re just a silly little creachure……

also extra comic thingy i ended up making

[ask-healthy-light]

In short, Nox explained that although she was easily able to see in the dark, even with both of her eyes opened, since she was looking for the firewood she had just brought back, she claimed that she flew around as if she were a bat; and while they could not hear her, she was, in a way, able to see the entire area surrounding the dried creek, as well as what she could find, by using echolocation.

It had been a very long time since she last found herself in this situation, however, where she was in a place she did not know, flying around in a wide-open area, in the dark, as she usually did not need to look for anything but a poorly-lit doorway, or a similar entrance; but she was glad to have taken the chance to stretch her wings again, and to make sure that she had not yet lost her skills.

But as Nox sat down again, Light and Shining were still staring at her, no longer in confusion, but in awe, as they were amazed at her ability to manoeuvre around in the dark without using her sight, before they asked her how she figured out she was able to do this; and as a shy blush grew upon her face, she said that it was her Mother who taught her, even if she did so unintentionally over time.

After all, she continued, all the Lunar Guards were under her command, even before she was banished to the Moon, and she often snuck out to watch the Guards' training in combat and strategy, but also in stealth, which was where their echolocation came into play; for while there were countless areas in Equestria, their ability to see what was around them in a large radius proved incredibly useful.

Ever since the return of her Mother, and the reassignment of the Lunar Guards to watch all the land at night, every town and city had become significantly safer, and every perpetrator that was caught was eventually rehabilitated, and often even became part of the garrison; and now, the Empire had a garrison of their own, even if only temporary, and she hoped its citizens could sleep more soundly.

With a deep sigh, Shining nodded in return, before he quietly added that he hoped Cadance and their Daughters would be able to sleep without him nearby, too, for while he had lost count of the amount of times he had to get out of bed to console Flurry or Twila, he did not mind; and he smiled warmly as he looked forward to embracing his Family, and the fact that he could spend more time with them.

Although their hearts skipped a beat, Nox and Light just smiled to him, before they quickly glanced at one another, as well as the others at the camp, and nodded discreetly, promising to keep a close eye on everyone, and themselves; for they figured that their group had something to look forward to upon their return home, and they would do their best make sure they would all make it in one piece.

But Light's expression fell as they turned away to look to the East, and when Nox kindly asked them if they were all right, they told her and Shining that a sickening realisation suddenly washed over them; and they worriedly asked the two if they were certain that the Marauders were entirely unlike them, for what if they, too, had some reason to fight, and attack, and harass others they knew not?

Since Shining had his Family to return to, and Nox, her Mother and Aunt, they feared that they were on the forefront of making a grave mistake, that they could indirectly cause greater harm to others that needed to be cared for; for the mere fact that the Outpost was this far to the East, separated from Equestria and the Empire by great distances, could mean they had few other options to survive.

At that moment, a chill ran down their spines when a foul voice spoke up from right behind them and Shining, and they almost fell off the rock when they leapt back in fear, until they were stopped in mid-air, and carefully placed back on the rock, next to Nox; and they briefly sighed in relief when Boom stepped into the light, until they saw the grim expression he was wearing on his shadowy face.

As he sighed in turn, and lowered his head as he sat down, he shook his head, and quietly said:

"There is nothing awaiting them… They don't just do this to survive."

(Thanks for reading! And if you enjoyed, please reblog! Thanks in advance!)

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Featuring: Nox Lunarwing from @nox-lunarwing Boomlord from @thedumbguywithaheart43

(Apologies for the lack of posts yesterday, I had somehow managed to reach the daily post limit on my main account, which in turn prevented me from posting anything here. That being said, I'll do my best to prevent this from happening again!)

[brainbuffering]

12 Days of Manga (2022)

Day 2: Top 3 Shojo of the Year

1) My Love Mix-Up by Aruko and Wataru Hinakure from Shojo Beat (T: Jan Cash L: Inori Fukuda Trant E: Nancy Thistlethwaite)

[ID: English Cover for Vol 3 of My Love Mix-Up! The main characters all stare down at the viewer from above. Aoki and Hashimoto are at the front, grinning broadly, Ida and Akkun at the back. Ida has his usual stoic expression, whilst Akkun throws up a peace sign]

“Aoki has a crush on Hashimoto, the girl in the seat next to him in class. But he despairs when he borrows her eraser and sees she's written the name of another boy-- Ida --on it. To make matters more confusing, Ida sees Aoki holding that very eraser and thinks Aoki has a crush on him!

Aoki has a crush on Ida, a boy in his class. Hashimoto's eraser, which caused so much confusion among friends when Aoki borrowed it, is also at fault for making him flunk a quiz! Aoki, Akkun, and Hashimoto meet up at Ida's for a study session where Aoki and Ida talk about what they are to each other-if they can figure it out?!” 

I keep saying how I’m tired of High School Romance, and then I go and put My Love Mix-Up as my Shojo of the year. A series that is perhaps the most High School of High School Romances. I was drawn to the series through a combination of a £10 Waterstones Voucher, and the notion of a proper, actual love triangle that wasn’t just one girl trying to pick between her childhood best friend and an edgy bad boy(TM).

The confusion over the eraser* was an interesting plot device, and it’s been so much fun to see Aoki discover his bisexuality with the help and support of his friends. It would be really great to see them actually use the word “Bisexual” or even just “Gay” but I suppose I can’t have everything. At this point in time, just seeing a Queer Love Story in the pages of a mainstream magazine like Bessatsu Margaret is a joy! It helps place queer love as equal to heterosexual love, allowing teens to see themselves and their stories beyond specalist publications. 

Whilst it was lovely to see how accepting their friends are of their relationship and not have them deal with any homphobic bullying, I think the strongest story so far has been that of Aoki and his Cram School Tutor. So far he had not had to face up against any sort of homophobia, but now he’s had someone he respects become suddenly prejudiced towards him due to his relationship with Ida: something that should have no actual baring on his education, or his relationship with his tutor! Whilst said tutor is called out for his prejudice rather explicitly, I do like that ther were no slurs or out right bullying involved, just a series of assumptions and a change in behaviour that hurt Aoki’s feelings in a meaningful way. It didn’t paint the tutor as an evil villain, but rather someone who had made some mistakes and needed to re-evaulate their position on life, which he does!

This is an important lesson for readers of all sexualtites. Queer readers learn that they don’t have to put up with this kind of behaviour, and that they are justified in their discomfort and anger; meanwhile Straight readers learn what is and isn’t appropriate behaviour. Prejudice is of course something that is ingrained in all of us, and isn’t something that can easily be changed over night. However it is something that needs to be changed! It’s something we should all address within ourselves, and work on so as to make sure we don’t hurt those around us. Because confronting those harmful beliefs is the responsibility of the individual, not that of the oppressed.

The art work isn’t perhaps the greatest as Aruko admits to taking their time to adapt to digital, but it has definetly improved as the series has progressed and is helped imensely by Hinekure’s story telling. I was a little concerned that the series might start to drag on after a while, but hearing that it has ended at nine volumes makes me more confident that this’ll become a classic we’ll still be recomending in years to come.

I hope that these silly kids will get a happy high school ending.

* I’m British, but I’m aware of how Americans work and “confusion over a rubber” would make for a very different kind of story. Please do not write your crush’s name on a condom....

2) Kageki Shojo!! by Kumiko Saiki from SevenSeas (T: Katrina Leonoudakis L: Aila Nagamine E: Shannon Fay)

[ID: English Cover of Vol 5 of Kageki Shojo!! Ai and Sarasa dance ballroom style wearing pink/yellow versions of their school uniforms. Sarasa has a black 1770s European style millitary jacket with gold brocade thrown over her shoulders. The background is bright green with confetti, balloons and stars.]

“The ongoing tale that began with the omnibus release of Kageki Shojo!! The Curtain Rises. Follow the drama on and off the stage with the girls at the Kouka School of Musical and Theatrical Arts--and don't miss the anime adaptation!

Ever since she was a little girl, Sarasa has wanted to play the role of Oscar as part of the Kouka Acting Troupe, an all-female acting troupe similar to the Takarazuka Revue. But before she can do that, she has to attend two years at the Kouka School of Musical and Theatrical Arts. As Sarasa practices singing, dancing, and acting, she grows closer to the other girls in her year, including her roommate, the stoic former J-idol, Ai. Though Sarasa is great at making friends, her outspoken nature and grand ambitions earn her lots of enemies as well. Can Sarasa keep her upbeat attitude and achieve her dream of stardom?”

I originallay picked up this series because I follow the translator on twitter and enjoy her threads on translation theory so was curious to see what a series translted by her would be like. And I haven’t looked back since! 

The artwork is lovely, the stories are heartfelt and true to life. It doesn’t shy away from big topics like eating disorders, PTSD, and anxiety. The girls are all wonderful, but not always nice which is excellent to see! Even bitches like Hijiri are fleshed out and given reasons for you to love them.

Whilst the relationship between Sarasa and Ai leans more towards the classic “open to interpretation” side of things, on the whole the series is very queer inclusive. The very concept of it plays with gender so much, that it even started out as Seinen (manga for men) before transfering over to Shojo (manga for girls)! It says a lot about the series and how the inherent gendering of genres is outdated given how the first volume from its seinen days discussed bulemia in the entertainment industry, whilst the first volume of the shojo days talked about the long lasting pyschological damage the american fire bombing in WW2 did to innocent japanese citizens. Never has a turn page made me cry more than that one....

But High School Shojo is just fluff and nonsense, right? 

As a former theatre kid, it’s also been lots of fun to learn more about the different traditons of Japanese Theatre, with paticular regards to comparing all-female casting and all-male casting. Which is becoming a tragically more relevant discussion given what is happening in the united states at the moment with regards to drag performances. Seriously, who’s going to tell them that the original Juliet was played by a teenage boy? Or do those TERFs simply not care one way or the other about child welfare, and just want to force their backwards beliefs onto everyone else? But I digress.

Within the series there’s an interesting discussion had about the freedom of actors to play the roles they want, and what things might stop them. Some girls dream of playing the beautiful feminime leads but find that biology has made them too tall and broad, others want to play the macho hero but are considered too short and busty. Then there’s other physical limitations to be taken into account. Andou-sensei achieved his dream of playing the Phantom of the Opera, but had his carer then come to an abrupt end because of a sudden injury that lead to a permanent disability. He’s therefore had to find a new way to express himself and share his love for threate, something that took time for him to accept. This felt paticualrly relateable to me, as I’ve also had to adapt to needing to use a walking stick just to walk 20m, where as before I was running up and down a field hockey pitch on the regular!

Then there’s Sarasa who had to give up her dream of performing in Kabuki due to her assigned gender, but whose new goal in life is to play Lady Oscar from Rose of Versailles: a character that is widely considered to be Non-Binary/X-Gendered by today’s standards!

This series teaches us that Gender is a performance, and Sarasa Watanabe is the Top Star.

3) A Sign of Affection by suu Morishita from Kodansha (T: Christine Dasiell L: Carl Vanstiphout and Lys Blakeslee E: Ben Applegate and William Flanagan)

{ID: English Cover of A Sign of Affection Vol 5 by suu Morishita. Itsumi wears a yellow short sleeved paisley button up shirt and gently holds Yuki’s hand. Yuki is laying back on a white sofa, one arm crooked as she looks at the viewer. She’s wearing a matching yellow dress with large puff sleeves and a white hearing aid. They are framed in a circle by red, white and blue poppies.] 

“Yuki is a typical college student in all ways but one: She's hard of hearing. A chance encounter on a train leads to a serious crush...but will he give her a chance? A sweet and relatable manga romance from the creator of Shortcake Cake! Even with a hearing aid, the voices of others are an indistinct blur for Yuki. But she's never let that get in the way of a life arranged around her friends, social media, and cute fashion. She's browsing her phone on train when a tourist asks her for directions, and she's ready to panic...but the handsome Itsuomi steps in to help. It turns out her new crush is a friend of a friend, and Yuki's world starts to widen. But even though Itsuomi-kun can speak three languages, sign language isn't one of them. Can Yuki communicate her budding feelings? From the acclaimed author of Shortcake Cake, the hit shojo series with more than a million copies in print, this new work is sure to please fans of romantic stories like A Silent Voice, Kimi ni Todoke, and Love in Focus!”

The way this series uses lettering to enhance story telling makes me want to run around in circles and scream across the mountains like a cowboy. At some point I am absolutely going to be write a whole post about just the lettering, but for now, just trust me when I say it’s amazing. Heck, the reason I wait for the physical releases rather than reading the Simulpub is so that I can get the higher quality lettering experience!

In terms of the rest of the series though, it’s beautifully illustrated throughout and I love how everyone has such excellent fashion choices! I’m also reading Shortcake cake at the moment, and seeing the development in Morishita’s art and styling decisions really shows how well they understand the art of making comics! Nobody is doing it like them.

I’m always interested in stories featuring disabled protagonists where they’re not given magical cures or solutions to their problems, and seeing such a wonderful romance blossom between Yuki and Itsuomi has been delighful. It’s a series that really focusses on the importance of communication between couples, and how it’s okay to make mistakes but never assumptions.

Whilst I would agree with criticsim that Yuki is perhaps too isolated from the rest of the d/Deaf Community for someone who attended a Deaf School, I will say that she doesn’t feel that different to any other shojo protagonist as a result. She’s a “fish out of water” who, despite being wonderful and kind and inteligent, only seems to have two friends. Whilst that trope is overdone in a lot of Shojo, here it feels earned due to her disability! Or at least based upon some of my personal experiences as a teenager with epilepsy.

As the series has gone on, we have seen her reach out to the rest of the community, and I hope that we continue to see more of that. I find it very reassuring that Morishita credit their sign language consultant/collaborator, Yuki Miyazaki, in every single volume of the manga and promote her personal work on their twitter.

In terms of shojo, I think it’s also just really nice to read about university students rather than high schoolers. Not only does it mean that they’re closer to my age (Okay, Yuki is 19 and I’m 28 but ... still) but it also means they’re able to explore the world a little more, quite literally in Itsuomi’s case. Vol 6 is not yet out in English, but I gather from looking at some of the simulpub previews that their relationship is going to be developing into the more adult sector, both physically and in practicality, which makes me so happy to see! Not just because I myself am a disabled adult who has recently moved out of their parents’ place and look forward to some potentially relateable content, but because it’s so good to just see any disabled protagonist be allowed to be an adult and go through regular adult things!

Whilst I cannot speak for d/Deaf folks, i know from my experience with epilepsy that it can be incredibily isolating no matter how well meaning your ablebodied friends are, and moving from a place where your needs are always met to somewhere new is both frustrating, scary and -- to some extent -- reasuring as you learn what you can and cannot surive. That’s the journey Yuki is on right now, and I would like for the series to perhaps dive more into that element but equally seeing her relationship with Itsoumi develop is so delightfully romantic in a flower petals, stained glass window, Alan Menken Soundtrack kind of a way. It also feels like such a breath of fresh air for a disabled character to be allowed to be seen as desirable without it becoming fetishcistic. 

I don’t think this series is some sort of big revolution in the manga world. I don’t think people will be writing essays about it in the same way they do with Ed’s prosphetics in Full Metal Alchemist, or Clint Barton’s Hearing Loss in the Aja/Fraction/Hollingsworth run. But it’s still an important series that I think people need to pick up, if only for the master class in lettering.

SERIOUSLY.

IT’S SO GOOD

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!

THEY USE DIFFERENT SHADES AND TONES AND POSITIONINGS TO DETERMINE WHAT SHE CAN AND CANNOT UNDERSTAND.

YOU GET SUCH A CLEAR IDEA ABOUT WHAT HER LIFE IS LIKE AND THE MISCOMUNICATION TROPE IS SO WELL EARNED HERE. 

[ID: A old white man in a black cowboy hat and suit is superimposed over a desert mountain scape. He is screaming passionately,]

(End Note: Some of my enjoyment from this series also comes from the fact that Itsuomi used to live in Germany the same as me and so speaks in German sometimes, and since I can read German, I get to feel smug and knowledgeable.)

[linkspooky]

THE TOP THREE HEROES ARE ALL FAILURES

In the sense that Enjdeavor, Hawks, and Jeanist all embody the failures of the hero system. The first clear sign that all three people who were set to inherit All Might’s Legacy would fail in doing so, is that none of them really understood what kind of hero was in the first place. 

Endeavor only ever saw All Might’s Strength, and thought All Might’s genuine desire to save people was just him playing to the crowd. Hawks thought Endeavor’s desire to surpass All Might was heroic, and what made him a better hero because he didn’t give up when everybody else said it was hopeless, but we the audience know Endeavor gave up early and took it out on his family instead. Best Jeanist thinks what’s most important of all isn’t saving people but rather “The Image” of Heroes to the public. Except, the only reason All Might was a hero obsessed with image is because he wanted even those he could not reach to be able to live in peace and save themselves. 

The top three heroes are all lacking in what All Might had, in that none of them actually believe that Heroes should save people. Enji believes in strength above all else, Hawks in sacrificing one’s self for the faceless masses, and Best Jeanist in the image of heroes to the public. 

It’s really showing that the option of “Saving Dabi” did not even occur to them once, despite the fact that they are completely willing to give a helping hand to the man who made Dabi.

The current number one, two and three heroes are all obsessed with All Might’s Legacy, however all of them are failures to All Might’s Legacy as well because they don’t understand the underlying ideal of heroes saving people. All three of them represent the failures of hero society, which is why they aren’t shown being overly concerned at hero society’s victims. Even when it’s revealed that one of hero society’s greatest villains Dabi, was actually one of hero society’s greatest victims too, created by one of their own, their beliefs barely change.

1. Enji Todoroki 

Enji was never concerned with saving others being the job of a hero. His one and only focus was just to be the strongest. He even has a shallow view of All Might’s ideals and goals because of this. He thinks the reason that All Might won number one was because 1) his all powerful strength and 2) his popularity with people. 

Enji never once mentions that All Might became the hero he was, because his number one priority in every situation was to save as many people as he could. Because, Enji doesn’t view it as the job of heroes to save others. 

Toshinori worked so hard because he genuinely wanted to be the shining light for others. He didn’t become the number one hero because it was his own personal dream, but rather because it was others needed of him. All Might isn’t a perfect hero either, but there’s still a difference between someone who wanted the number one spot because he genuinely thought it would save the most people, and someone who wanted the number one spot because he wanted to be the strongest.

Even after Endeavor’s supposed revelation where he saw Shoto being gentle with flames, rather than forceful and violence, Enji became the exact same kind of hero he was before. 

Think of the way Enji fought Shigaraki, burning him alive. He made several attempts to kill him during their fight, even though the rule is heroes absolutely must not kill, that’s what makes them different from villains. Heroes prioritize the safety of people, and saving civilians, except for Endeavor apparently. Endeavor as a hero is the exact same kind of hero he was before, and the flaw with that is if he had fought Dabi the same way he had fought Shigaraki.

He would have burned his own son alive. Enji isn’t even concerned in the least with saving people, even when the person most in need of saving is his own son. He sees villains as an absolute evil for him to punch and beat up in order to prove his own strength. The only way Enji knows how to be a hero is violently taking down crime and no one has ever challenged this, even though it’s the exact attitude that led Toya to his death.

Enji, only ever taught Dabi how to turn up the heat, because Enji wasn’t actually that concerned with his son’s well being. Toya was only worth something to him when he was strong, so Enji only ever taught Toya how to be the strongest hero and nothing else that a father should teach his son. Even now, Enji doesn’t let go of this idea of his that he has to be the number one hero, and being the strongest hero will solve all of his problems. 

Endeavor has used playing hero again and again as an excuse to run away. Now that Hawks is giving him another chance to be hero, he’s enabling him to run away again. 

It’s incredible how still even after the reveal, it’s always Toya who has to pay for the consequences of Endeavor’s mistakes. Toya is left alone to burn to death and spends the rest of his life covered in burns forgotten by his father, and it’s Endeavor who gets the unconditional support and love Toya needed as a child offered to him, just because he happened to be a hero. If he was a villain he would have just been locked up.

Endeavor is framed as the hero who does not give up, and yet, he very easily runs away and lets Toya take the blame for the majority of his actions. If Toya had been able to carry his dream he would not have abused Shoto. If Toya had not died that day he would not have doubled down even harder on Shoto. Toya’s the reason they could not come together as a family. It’s never Endeavor’s actions, it’s always, somehow, Toya who is blamed, and Toya who is burned as the consequence of Endeavor’s actions. Now, Toya is the one who needs to be stopped when Enji is just as guilty. 

I’m not saying that Enji should not be given a chance to get better, but why is the good side of Enji’s actions expressed over and over again and not Toya’s? Toya is trying to reform all of society. Toya is trying to hold his dad accountable for abusing him and neglecting him to the point that he died. That’s murder. Someone who lets their children die because they couldn’t be bothered to supervise them can be charged with involuntary manslaughter in a court of law. Enji has killed too, but rather than admit to his own flaws it’s must easier to cast Toya s the villain that needs to be stopped and himself as the hero that needs everyone’s support. 

Toya deserves the same chance that Enji got. 

2. Hawks

Hawks only saw self sacrifice in All Might’s actions. He saw someone harming himself over and over again for the sake of others, and that’s probably why he admired Enji’s pursuit of strength more because it was the opposite of him. 

If Enji is the extreme result of the attitude that villains can’t be saved, only stopped by putting themselves down with violence, then Hawks is the extreme result of self sacrifice. Hawks seems like the ideal hero on paper, he would do anything, and give up any part of himself to save a faceless stranger just like All Might. However, Hawks also has decided that he has the right to sacrifice others as well.

Hawks is self-destructive. That’s the extreme end of self sacrifice. However, unlike All Might who took the burden entirely on himself, Hawks will choose others to sacrifice as well. If Hawks sees himself as a tool for the greater good he will extend that to others as well. If Hawks sees himself as a bad victim who turned his back on their parents, he extends that to others as well. 

So basically, Hawks’ number one problem is with himself. He can’t reconcile his past. He feels guilty for being abused by his parents. He feels guilty for not forgiving the same abusive parents. He puts everything he has into being a hero, and yet, he doesn’t feel like he himself is a hero. Hawks’ only way he knows to feel good about himself is to continuously sacrifice himself for the sake of others. 

Because he learned when he was young the only way to be good was by sacrificing himself to protect others. He only received the help he needs because he showed he was “one of the good victims” but deep down internally he feels like he’s the bad one, for not being able to do anything for his mother, for not reaching out to her. 

Hawks can’t see himself as a victim and it messes with the way he sees other victims as well. He divides them into good and bad, and then tells himself that he’ll offer to help the good ones, the ones willing to improve. Hawks’ represents Hero Society’s own willingness to throw the bad victims to the dogs. 

It’s specifically Hawks who Twice calls this out on. So we have a number one hero who thinks the only way to deal with villains is to violently suppress them, and the number two hero that thinks the only people who deserve to be saved is the ones he deems as “Good” or “Trying to be better.” 

It’s all because Hawks has this really self destructive idea of what kindness is. That kindness is somehow destroying yourself for the sake of others, that it’s being overly forgiving and not holding any resentment at all. 

It’s like how Deku acts like forgiving his father is a kind act. However, at the same time implying that holding onto resentment would be an unkind one.

Even though the reason Natsuo won’t forgive is because Toya is dead, and Enji never showed any apparent remorse for it, and didn’t try to fix anything. Even though one son died because of Enji’s training, and then Enji just decided to train the one remaining son he had left a thousand times harder. Natsuo is attempting to hold his father accountable for his actions, but Deku acts like blanket forgiveness would be the kind thing to do.

Even though Deku himself is willing to overlook all of Enji’s past abuse of Shoto, and his murder of Toya, but at the same time stresses how unforgivable Toya and Shigaraki are. 

Deku just saves people in a self destructive way. He breaks his bones to save others, thus mirroring Hawks who just saves people without genuinely thinking through who needs to be saved. They save people, because that’s the way they hurt themselves to prove how useful they are. However, neither of them actually goes through the trouble of thinking who genuinely needs saving, and that’s why they’re able to carry such a false double standard. Enji needs help because he’s trying to be better, whereas Toya’s not trying to be better. Ignoring the fact that you know, Enji tries to be better by just, forgetting everything he did in the past and sweeping his past actions under the rug, whereas Toya is still suffering from the scars of Enji’s abuse, permanently on his body. 

However, between Twice a person willing to die to protect his friends and act of complete selflessness, and Enji who can’t even bring himself to think that maybe he should try to save the son he let burn to death on a mountain peak which one do you think was trying to be better? Enji who spent ten years, even after Toya had already died to his training, training up Shoto instead even harsher. Enji who referred to Toya as “a failure” and “almost perfect” when talking to Shoto about his death. 

“I’m going to help anyone trying to be better” is just an arbitrary line that Hawks draws.

That’s even the critique that Twice levelled at Hawks. Hawks doesn’t care because he never actually tried to see the good sides of the other people, but Toga was someone who comfotred Twice and understood him. Toga was someone who made the league feel like home. Hawks labels Twice as the only good one, because he just didn’t bother to see what was good about the other villains. Yet, at the same time he strains himself to see the good in Endeavor, to the point where he constantly apologizes for Endeavor’s actions and sweeps them under the rug. Endeavor is a good man who is just misunderstood in Hawks’ eyes, who just went wrong somewhere, but Hawks can’t ever offer up the same sympathy to the worst victims of society. Who lash out and hurt other people in the same way that Endeavor did, except Endeavor’s is excusable and there’s isn’t because...??? 

 Hawks is in denial, because he refuses to look at the good sides of the villains. Twice didn’t choose to accept his offer of help, so obviously he didn’t want to be better, therefore Hawks is perfectly justified in putting him down. Notice though how Hawks mentioned prison time for Jin, but not for Enji (neglecting a child to the point where they burn to death is... still a crime). 

Hawks is still in denial about himself. He thinks he’s offering people a helping hand. However, from Jin’s perspective we see how manipulative he is. Hawks didn’t offer Jin a hand, he held him at gunpoint and told him to surrender and betray his friends. Hawks is just lying to himself, because he didn’t go out of his way to save Jin, he ruthlessly manipulated him, and then betrayed him. He’s not framed as a hero trying desperately to save a villain, but rather a friend betraying another friend who trusted him. Because, Hawks does not just sacrifice himself. He’s the extreme result of self sacrifice. Self sacrifice turns into self destruction. Self denial. Hawks sacrifices other people. He forces himself to dirty his hands, because he believes this is the only way he can be a hero. He’s too weak individually, so he has to manipulate, pull strings, and even kill in order to achieve the results he thinks will save the most people. However, by doing that he ignores the suffering of the victims right in front of them.

Not only that, but he ignores what contradicts his simple black and white narrative. Enji was trying to be better so he deserves help and support, Twice didn’t want to be better so Hawks revoked his offer of support away. 

He’s willing to give support to a man who abused his family for no good reason, and who continues to evade any consequences or legal punishment for his actions, but then insists that Jin who was pushed to his actions by poverty and not wanting to starve to death just did not want to be better. He’s like, so unaware of what the problem actually is with society, he can’t possibly think why Enji leaving his own son to burn to death might have left his son a bit miffed. Enji is just a person who made a few missteps along the way but genuinely wants to be good, Dabi is just a selfish person who doesn’t want to be better, so says Hawks. 

Nevermind how hard Toya tried to be a hero, and how he never gave up on earning his father’s love. Nevermind how hard Twice tried to be helpful to other, and how much he loved the people around him he was willing to sacrifice his life. Twice’s last action was to save his two closest friends. Enji’s actions are always just to beat up villains to prove how strong he is. Enji is never concerned with anyone. Hawks does want to save people, but he never thinks about the people who need to be saved.

Therefore, heroes are always good. Even when heroes do bad things, Hawks contrives some way to not hold them responsible for it ever. Well, Enji isn’t like that now. Well, we don’t need to announce that Enji was an abuser, because that will just upset the public. 

The actions of Enji are apologized for over and over again. Because rather than holding him accountable for his actions. Instead of pushing him to actually fix his mistakes, it’s better to keep sweeping the problem under the rug. Because, as is repeated again and again heroes don’t save people. When a hero fails to save someone, rather than trying to fix that mistake it’s easier to blame the person who didn’t get saved. 

Even if it was your own son that you left to burn to death. That is somehow miraculously alive.  That has given you a second chance to save the person you should have saved that day by just, showing up, and actually acting like a father for once. 

Enji will just choose his job over and over again. Because heroes don’t actually have a responsibility to save people. Being hero is just a job. Enji, Hawks, Jeanist they consider it a profession, not a responsibility. Which is why all three of them are willing to blame Dabi for his own actions, but not Endeavor for his. Which, just proves Dabi right. 

Heroes aren’t actually concerned with saving people. Heroes don’t think about who is most in need of saving, and who the real victims are. Heroes just protect their own. 

Enji, Hawks and Dabi are all murderers. They have all killed someone in pursuit of their goal. Not only did Enji murder a child by neglect, he also tried to kill Shigaraki several times over, and even tried to murder Pop Step in vigilantes. Hawks killed Twice in pursuit of a goal. 

However, Hawks and Enji need to be supported, whereas Toya needs to be stopped. Because they are heroes, and Dabi is a villain. But sure, watch Dabi continually burn his own body over and over again and push himself to the very limit so he can achieve a society where another hero will never get away with abusing his family like Enji did his, and say that he doesn’t want to be good. Watch Toya burn himself over and over again as a child just trying to be a hero because he thinks it’s the only way to earn his father’s love, because he genuinely looked up to his father and wanted to be just like him, and insist that Toya just stopped trying to be better, that he was just a jealous child, that he was never good. 

Jeanist isn’t a fully developed character so I’m not going to talk about him as much, but he represents the attitude that heroes “only pretend to save people” because they fuss ove image, rather than doing the actual work of helping victims.

The thing is someone who is genuinely trying to be better would listen to Dabi’s words, to Shigaraki’s words. However, Jeanist, Hawks, Enji all think of themselves as the hero, therefore they assume they are good and that their actions are good. 

Whenever someone contradicts this, they just flat out ignore any criticism. Heroes don’t save people. Heroes just protect their own image as heroes, because they assume that’s what is necessary for peace. Even now, Hawks and Jeanist aren’t focused on the innocent people suffering from the victim break outs, but rather taking down the man out to ruin their reputations. 

They pretend to see those they haven’t protected. Even when that person is Endeavor’s own son, his pain gets swept under the rug, because the image of Endeavor as a shining hero is far more important than the responsibility he has to help his own son, that’s in pain and need to saving. 

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (��la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

[otakusheep15]

SFW Alphabet - Belphegor

My last post about Levi seemed to do really well, so I thought I would continue with this series. Belphie is my other fave, so I hope I do him justice. Also, sorry if anything seems weird, I wrote this all super late (for me anyway) so there might be some mistakes. 

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At first, he isn’t super affectionate. Verbal affection is just hard for him in general, and he’s scared that he may hurt you with physical affection. However, he eventually comes around and becomes super affectionate with you. Sleeping together is a must for him, and he’ll often pass out on your shoulder or lap when you two hag out. Verbal affection is still often a challenge, but he does try is best to tell you just how much you mean to him. He also loves both giving and receiving head pats. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

 You two often hang out in the attic together. Whatever you decide to do depends on the day, but most activities will end up with him (and sometimes you) falling asleep. Beel also joins you during hang-outs. You guys will also platonically cuddle all the time. Most conversations between you are very sarcastic and filled with banter, but it’s only (partially) joking. He also likes to ruffle your hair since he likes the reaction it gets out of you. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

  This boy is the king of cuddles. He can honestly fall asleep anywhere at anytime, but he finds that he sleeps the easiest in your arms. While he likes any cuddling position, his favorite is when you lay on your back and he rests his head on your chest. He also likes when you run your fingers through his hair. In his demon form, he’ll wrap his tail around your leg as a small sign of possession. He’ll also bump you with his horns so that you’ll pet those as well since they’re sensitive and helps him fall asleep faster. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He doesn’t really have a preference one way or another. If you feel the need to settle down, he’ll join you without question. However, if you wish not too, he wouldn’t really care. While he is not a fan of cleaning, he is a surprisingly good cook. Since Beel is his twin, and they have that special connection, he often knows when Beel is particularly hungry and can’t control it. Because of this, he learned how to cook in order to make sure his twin had enough snacks for the day. Even though it started as simply something for his twin, he’s found that cooking is quite fun, and enjoys cooking with you. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’s the kind of person that would just straight up tell someone that he’s breaking up with them. To him, if he feels the need to break up with someone, then that person’s feelings no longer matter (at least, to him they don’t). He could care less if the other leaves the situation absolutely heartbroken; he just doesn’t have the time or energy to care. Maybe if it was someone he actually really liked and wanted to keep as a friend, he wouldn’t be as harsh, but he’d still be blunt regardless. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As stated above, he doesn’t really care either way. He’s down to go along with whatever you want as long as you don’t make him work too much. If you want to get married, he’ll go along with it as long as Beel gets to be his best man. And if you decide you don’t want to get married, he’s fine just living with you and being with you without the ring. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

At first, he’s very gentle. After the incident, he is so afraid of hurting you again. There’s even a point where he goes into a near-panic when he accidentally touches you, and it gets so bad that the brothers have to stage an intervention. Once he’s calmed down and you’ve assured him that you trust him, he’s less cautious, but still gentle. He knows that demons are much stronger than humans, so he still tries to be careful even if he knows you’re not made of glass. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hugs are one of his favorite forms of affection. He’ll hug you all the time, especially in front of the brothers in hopes of making them jealous. A lot of his hugs consists of him coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle, and placing his head on top of yours. He’s even managed to fall asleep like this a few times. Out of all the brothers, his hugs are the best due to their warmth and softness. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes him a while to actually say the phrase, but it’s obvious that he loves you. He’s not one to really express his feelings through words, so he’s never actually thought that saying it was necessary. However, when you say it during one of your late-night cuddle sessions, he finally decides to say it as well.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s not as bad as Levi or Mammon, but he’s still pretty jealous. Although, he won’t actually say or do anything about it. If he’s jealous of one of his brothers, he’ll leave it to you to actually figure it out for yourself and then come apologize to him. But, if it is some random demon that’s trying to hit on you, he will try to drag you away with some excuse of him being tired and wanting a nap. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are super lazy and tired, but that’s to be expected. His favorite spot to kiss you is on your neck. He likes how flustered you get, and he likes teasing you about how sensitive your neck is. His favorite place to be kissed is on the forehead. He finds it super comforting, and he especially likes it when he’s about to fall asleep. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Of all the brothers, he is, surprisingly, one of the best with children. It’s not that he likes them, or that he’s even good at controlling them; he just knows how to put them to sleep really quick. He can have them out in a matter of minutes, no matter how energetic the child. And, fun secret, he actually doesn’t mind children all that much. He just hates when they get loud or go all crazy. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are usually spent cuddling in bed until you two have five minutes to get down to breakfast before Lucifer beats y’all half to death. Most of the time, you wake up before him, but it’s impossible to get up since he’s always wrapped around you and refuses to let go. Once, Beel had to come in and actually drag you two out of bed because he refused to get up on time. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are usually spent with him trying to stay awake while y’all watch a movie or something, but you both know that won’t happen. Instead, he usually falls asleep on top of you, leaving you with two options. One, you can try to drag him to bed, which almost never works. Or two, you can just fall asleep there and hope you aren’t sore in the morning from the weird position. Eventually, and no matter which option you go with, you both end up asleep in each other’s arms and sleeping peacefully. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He is a very secretive demon by nature, so opening up is really hard for him. He really wants to, and he knows you also want him to, but he just can’t. And when he does finally start opening up, he takes it very slow. This is so that he doesn’t overwhelm you, or himself for that matter. He’s scared that showing too much of himself at once will make you leave him, and that’s the last thing he wants, so he tries to hide it for as long as possible. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He isn’t ever angry so much as very passive aggressive. He’ll make snide comments, give mean stares, and make rude gestures whenever pissed off. This usually happens when he gets jealous of a lower-level demon, but it never usually escalates past that. However, there are those few times in which he does get legit mad, and that’s when the yelling starts. If he knows he’s losing against whoever he’s fighting, he’ll storm off to either his room or the attic until either you or Beel comes to get him. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He tries to remember things, he really does, but he just seems to forget things really easily. He’ll remember big things - birthdays, anniversaries, and your favorite things (shows, games, etc.), but he always tends to forget smaller things. He doesn’t mean to, and you know that he is trying, but sometimes it can be difficult when he forgets that date you two had planned and went to sleep instead. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment is when you two were cuddling together one night after he got into a fight with one of his brothers. He was really upset after that argument, and he didn’t have the will to do much else other than lay down and sleep. But, as always, you came to his aid and stayed with him all throughout his self-loathing party. At one point, you began humming quietly in an attempt to make him feel better, and that’s what did it. He began crying quietly, letting all of his insecurity flood out to you. The entire time, you sat there, listening patiently. When he was done, you kissed his forehead and told him that everything would be okay, and that everyone loved him no matter what. It was also this moment that made him truly fall in love with you. 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He would never admit it like most other things, but he loves the idea of being protected by you. He knows that scenario is a bit weird, but he just loves it so much. You’re so caring towards him, and he loves the thought of you protecting him from something that he could obviously handle on his own, just because you love him. It makes his heart melt a little. And, of course, he also protects you from anything that seems even mildly dangerous. He vowed to never hurt you, and he also vows to never let anything else hurt you. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He puts in about as much effort as you would expect from him. He does really try, but he just never has the energy to do much. Plus, he knows that you prefer smaller, less extravagant things anyway. Most of the time, special days will be spent with just the two of you (and maybe Beel) either in the attic or the planetarium. You two will spend the whole day together, cuddling and just enjoying each other’s presence.  He usually always tries to make you some sort of food, usually a sweet of some kind. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Obviously, he has a bad habit of sleeping in too much. At first, it wasn’t a problem, but now it happens more often than it should, and for far too long. He also has a bad habit of being overprotective of you. In his mind, you are a weak, fragile human that needs to be protected from even the smallest of things. Eventually, he does learn that you can take care of yourself, but that doesn’t stop him from taking it a bit too far sometimes. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

One of the last things on his mind is how he looks. Like Levi, he spends most of his time inside, so why should he bother with something as stupid as appearance? He often gets into petty fights about this with Asmo, who is always trying to get him to try harder on his appearance. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He honestly thought he could do fine without you, but when you went home after the exchange program ended, he was falling apart. True to his character, he didn’t let it show, even after you can back, but it always stuck with him from then on that he needed you. He couldn’t stand being away from you, and if it happens again he will go on a rampage. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

As I stated previously, I headcanon him to be really good at cooking. At first, he’s shy about it, but soon you two are sharing kitchen duty with each other all the time. He originally learned so that he could cook for Beel, but he also likes cooking for the rest of his brothers (and you too). 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He’s not too fond of extraverted people, or people who have a lot of energy in general. It’s fine if you have some energy, but too much is where he draws the line. He has enough of that going on with his brothers, so he prefers someone quieter to enjoy peace and quiet with. 

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He has a habit of sleeping with other people. It’s easier for him to sleep when someone else is in bed with him, so that’s what he prefers. Prior to the attic, he would actually go to Lucifer and ask to stay with him (if Beel wasn’t available). Now, he usually just sleeps with you or Beel or both. 

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers Zero Vol. 12 Azusa Mukami [Track 4]

Original title: ただ、一緒に

Source: Diabolik Lovers Zero Vol. 12 Azusa Mukami [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kishio Daisuke

Translator’s note: ーー And once again, the power of true love prevails!! The plot of the Zero CDs is a perfect combination between angst, suspense and fluff, which is why it is one of my favorites. I felt like the ‘enemy’ they were fighting this time was not as extreme compared to some of the other CDs and I genuinely got some ~~feels~~ in the end. ;w;

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 4: Simply, Together

The two of you walk through the hallway of the museum.

“Oh...The hallway is...different from earlier...It used to be full of twists and turns, but now it’s just...one straight path...If this building is alive...I suppose it would easily be able to...change its interior...?”

You ask how much longer you’ll have to walk. 

“Mmh...I wonder how much longer this path goes on for...? I’m pretty sure...the museum is guiding us towards a place though...”

Azusa comes to a halt.

“Ah. ...A door. ...Let’s go! We have no...other choice.”

*Creaaaaak*

“...H-Huh...? We’ve returned here again...? The room filled with...art supplies...”

You seem confused. 

“Mmh...I wonder why? Is there something...important here? ...Oh! Wait.”

He looks around, suddenly spotting his doppelganger.

( Say, what’s wrong? Ah...You’re hungry, aren’ you? I’m sorry! I’ll prepare your meal in no time! )

“It’s his...voice...I can hear it from right up ahead...We should probably turn around, huh?”

You shake your head. 

“Ah...Right...It’s a one-way path...So we can’t go anywhere else...Ugh...In that case...Let’s quietly...sneak closer. There might be something in the back after all...”

You slowly step closer.

( Hey...Cheer up? Do you hate me now? )

*Ba-dump*

“Eh...? W-What’s...that!?”

( ...Oh? Ah...You’ve come here. )

“...!”

( Haah...How troublesome. I went through so much trouble to tie you both up too. )

“...!! Stay by my side...!”

Azusa protects you.

“We can’t die here...! We have to go back...no matter what!”

( Can’t do~ Just look at how grumpy she is. I’m sure it’s because she’s hungry. Therefore, I need you two to become her food. ...Say, you want to hurry up and eat too, right? )

*Rumble*

( Oh...What’s wrong...Why won’t you rejoice...? )

“Ah...S-Say! The thing you’re...talking to...it’s shaped like a person but is it...a work of art?”

( ...Right. I made this. It’s the heart of the museum. )

“Oh...! Of the museum...?”

( Fufu~ Isn’t it pretty? I attached these tubes as well. All of the nutrients absorbed through the food come flowing in here. Because of this system, she can stay alive, even when reduced to just her heart. )

“What do you...mean...?”

( My precious someone...was killed a long time ago. Even though she was...so very, very important to me... )

“Are you perhaps talking...about the woman on those sketches?”

( ...Exactly. The one person who accepted me. Without her, I would lose even my reason to exist! Yet...! She almost took her last breath right in front of my own eyes! If she were to pass away I just...I wouldn’t know what to do! ...But you know, I realized! That I could simply move her still-beating heart... )

“Oh...Don’t tell me...That heart is inside...?”

*Ba-dump*

“You transplanted the heart and...turned the person you loved into that thing? Is that why this museum is alive?”

( Yes. Right now...She is this building. )

“Say...Who are you? You’re not an ordinary painting...”

(  I’m a Vampire just like you. I just so happened to be well-versed in this department. (1) ...I was simply living a happy life painting pictures, accompanied by the person I loved. ) 

“Together with...the person you loved?”

( However, as you can see, I died too, staying by her side as a spirit to ensure she would not grow lonely. As a painting who hunts for her prey. ...To make sure she stays alive. )

*Cling*

“...!! What are you...going to do...?”

( What do you mean? I have to restrain you two with pins to make sure the food doesn’t run away? )

The fake Azusa uses his magic to make the pins float in the air.

( Hm~ I’m glad I brought a bunch of these large pins with me. ...I’ll turn you both in skewers, okay? )

*CLANG*

“...!! Step back!! ...Ugh!”

*CLANG*

“Aaargh...!! Uu...Ugh...”

( Ahaha~ My live specimen is complete~ We’ll do this in order, so you’ll have to wait till later. ...First up, we’ll start with the more delicious-looking one~ )

He approaches you.

( Woah there...~ Struggle all you want, but you can’t run. ...The sheer white canvas over there, that’s the museum’s mouth. Once you get thrown inside, you will melt away and become nutrients. ...You seem to have a thing for pain, so I’ll make sure you dissolve slowly, okay? Fufu~ )

The painting demon starts dragging you towards the canvas.

*Rustle rustle* 

“You...can’t...Let...go of her...!”

*Rumble*

( Ah...! )

“...The museum is...crying...again...Perhaps...S-Say...! Couldn’t your...girlfriend be weeping because...she wants you to...stop this already...?”

( ...Hah? )

“When you...fed off her or...even when I did it...Every time...there was the scent of blood...the museum cried...Even when you tried to get her eaten...as if she’s...begging you not to do this...”

( ...You’re wrong. That can’t be. )

“But...!”

( She would never disagree with what I do...! I love her this much! It’d definitely make her happy! ...Ugh. She has simply grown impatient because I’m such a slowpoke. Come on! Get inside the painting...!! )

He pushes you against the canvas.

“...Eve!”

( It’ll be all over once she sinks into the canvas. I’m sure she’ll feel better once she has had her meal~ )

“...Eve...Kuh...You can’t...I won’t let you go...!! I definitely...won’t let you go all by yourself...!”

*Cling*

( Eh...!? There’s just no way he could stand up right now!? )

“Ugh...Kuh...To me...She is my special someone...She is the only one I have...! I definitely don’t want her...to go...!!!!”

Azusa frees himself.

*Cling clang*

“...Eve!!”

He rushes over to you, trying to pull you out of the canvas.

“I won’t let you go...Never...! Argh...!!”

The two of you get absorbed by the painting.

“...Aaah!”

*Thud*

“...Where are we...? I can’t see...anything...? Haah, haah...Am I...inside the painting?”

You call out for Azusa.

“...! Eve...!? Are you there...!?”

You call for him again and Azusa runs to you. 

“Ugh...Haah, haah...! You’re here...”

He grabs hold of your hand.

“...Why are you apologizing...? I didn’t want to leave your side...so that’s why I followed you. I don’t want us to be separated...”

You ask if you will get eaten now. 

“Mmh...It’s all over once you...get absorbed by the painting...We might get...consumed. But you know, this is way better...than losing just you...Neither of us...should have to be lonely. We always have to be together...Right?”

You nod.

“Yeah. ...That’s why...I don’t regret anything. Let’s be together in life and death.”

*Rumble rumble*

“Oh...Eh!? It’s...shaking?”

*Rumble rumble*

“...Ah! I’m being...pulled in...! ...Eve! ...Hang on tight...! Don’t...leave me...!! Aaaaah...!!!”

The two of you get sucked out of the canvas again. 

*THUD*

“Ugh...Ow...A-Are you...okay?”

You nod.

“Thank god...Give me your hand. Can you stand?”

Azusa helps you get up.

“...Where are we...?”

*Rustle*

“...We made it...out of the canvas...!?”

( ...Why!? How come!? How did you get out!? This has never happened before...!? )

“Oh...I see. She let us out...The museum let us...go...”

( ...!! N-No way...No...I don’t believe this. She is always happy with my work! There is no way she would get in my way! )

“That might be true...I’m sure she really does love you...But couldn’t that be...why she’s sad now?”

( ...Eh? )

“You see...I saddened the person important to me in the past as well. Time after time...”

You frown.

“That girl was a...kind person so...she was worried about me and hurt herself too...That’s why I sort of understand...I’m sure your girlfriend is worried about you...Since you’ve taken many lives for her sake. ...I’m sure she doesn’t want you...to continue this...So don’t you think that could be why...she’s crying?”

( ...! ...Say...Is he right...? Are you crying because of me...? )

*Rumble rumble*

( ...!! I-I see...I was wrong... )

He drops to his knees.

( I’m sorry...I...I’m so sorry...! I never meant to make you suffer...! I just...I didn’t want to let you die! I thought that...You’d be happy if I did this...! But...I was wrong, huh? I had forgotten. That you were always the type of person who would worry about me, instead of about yourself. I made you worry a lot, didn’t I? ...I’ll no longer repeat the same mistake. I’ll stop doing this. So please...! Will you stay by my side? )

*Rumble*

( Aah...I see...Mmh. Thank you. )

He stands up again.

( I have a...request to make. Could you please...burn me down together with this museum. )

You seem shocked.

“W-Why...!?”

( She wants things to end. Because she can’t become happy, even if she were to remain alive. However, I can’t let her go alone, so I will perish alongside her. No matter where it takes us, I don’t want to leave her side. )

“I...see. ...Mmh. Understood.”

You tell Azusa not to do it.

“I...can’t stop them. The two of them...seem happy after all. That’s why...Eve...”

You nod.

“Mmh. Let’s go...outside. If we stay here...We’ll get swallowed by the flames...after all...”

( ...Hey! Can I ask one last thing? )

“...Eh?”

( What would you do...If she were to die on you? )

“I would...”

You look up at Azusa.

“i cannot...fantom that...But! However...I might have just done...the exact same thing you did...”

*TIMESKIP*

“...Oh. It has stopped raining. The nearby greenery is still wet, so the fire probably won’t spread...”

You ask him if this is truly the right thing to do.

“Mmh. They wished for this themselves...So I think this was for the best. Besides...I’m sure that nobody can decide...whether this is good or bad...This is the path they have chosen for themselves after all...Nobody should interfere with that...”

He turns his head towards you.

“It’s the same for us, right...? No matter what happens...We don’t want anyone to get in our way...We’d want to be together forever...Don’t we?”

You agree.

“Mmh...I pray (2) that as they meet their end, and even after that...they will never be torn apart...Farewell.”

Azusa sets the museum on fire.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes 

(1) This sentence is quite vague, but I suppose he refers to having the necessary knowledge to know that if he preserved his lover’s heart and put it into something else, he could keep her alive that way. 

(2) He ends his sentence with ように or ‘you ni’ which implies that he is making some sort of wish. 

[athrialuxegna]

Stronger than she thinks Part 5

Triggers warning: mental and physical abuse, violence, swearing

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Fanfiction  | Archiveofourown | Wattpad

Hi guys, I updated the last chapters so they seem nicer to read, tell me what you think about it in the comments. I also edited the links to the previous and next chapters as they were a total mess, sorry about that! I hope that you like this story so far, I try my best to readproof it, but some mistakes remain, my bad if it’s bothering you.

Thanks for those who lived a note on the previous chapters, it means at lot! -Lys

What was I doing? That question rang in my head as I made my way to the Child Care Service. I was not a fan of kids, they bothered me more than anything else. Their cries, tears, and temper tantrums were stress-inducing for me. They made me uneasy and self-conscious with their bluntness. As we all say, "truth always comes from a child's mouth" and that's what put me on edge. I didn't know what to expect of my babysitting day. Why did I accept such a thing? Eric, of course. I wanted to know if it was his idea or if it was just a sick joke on Max's part. One can never be so sure about others' intentions and hidden agendas. The leaders had the power to make everything possible within the walls of the headquarters. Why would they want me near orphans? That's what I intended to discover.

I played with my fingers, eyes fixated on the door decorated with drawings, tiny handprints, and a whole bunch of names. How many children find themselves alone every year? No idea, but it seemed that numerous of them had gone through that door to find a new home. It was not really surprising when we knew that their parents took risks on a daily basis.

Patrols in the factionless territory could turn bad pretty fast. The homeless didn't have anything to lose, they were determined to seek their revenge on the system that shut them down without any possibility to be part of it. I understood where they came from. They had to fight to live whereas all the other factions would sustain themselves without thinking twice about them. Except for the selfless Abnegation faction that helped them the best they could by providing them supplies, clothes, and from time to time, food. However, their violence had dire consequences in the Dauntless faction.

As the soldiers of the city, we were to protect and maintain peace in the streets. We were the first to suffer from the conflicts between Factionless and the system. These children were proof of that. I sighed deeply, my fingers caressing the weird painted animals.

" I'm glad you came here, they're really excited to meet you. "

Startled by Eric's deep voice, I turned around to find him, arms crossed, shoulder pressed against the wall a few feet away from me. A small smile stretched my lips, although I could tell that it didn't match my eyes. I wasn't thrilled at the idea of taking care of children. I have never done it before because I was always afraid to make something wrong and being an only child didn't help either. I swallowed thickly, trying my best to keep my cool in front of the young leader.

"Hey, I didn't know I was coming until now," I admitted in a whisper. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Don't be so tense, they're not that bad. I promise everything will be alright, they gave their word to behave." He reassured, eyes locked in mine.

"I'm not afraid of the children," I snorted softly. "I'm more nervous about me being around them..." I shifted my weight on my other foot before adding: "How do you do? I mean, with the initiates and… kids? " I asked, curious about his answer.

Eric snickered, I didn't expect him to be so confident and relaxed, it was as if he had done it his whole life. Which wasn't far from the truth, he had taken care of the initiates since he became a leader five years ago, if not more. I didn't keep track of time as often as I should considering my job but days were pretty much the same since I've been hired to be Harrison's assistant. I felt my cheeks burn and I looked at my feet, defeated that he mocked me for being a pansycake. Which I was, but still, it hurt.

"If I can do it, you certainly can, Chris. Come on, they won't eat you."

Before I could respond, Eric opened the door and made a sign for me to enter. I heard shuffling and whispers, all noises died down as soon as I was inside. The children lined up obediently, aware of Eric's presence behind my back. I felt intimidated under the scrutiny of their innocent eyes. They were of all different ages and sizes, some were almost teenagers.

"Hi," I waved, almost shy. "I'm Christine but you can call me Chris, it's nice to meet you all."

"Hi Chris." They exclaimed in unison.

One of the oldest stepped forward, his shaggy blond hair falling in his chocolate eyes. His joyful smile was contagious, I couldn't help but return it. However, his expression changed suddenly as he seemed to think about his next words. The younger ones kept gawking at me as if I was an alien coming from another dimension. I felt the tension rising in the room as the blond hair boy opened his mouth. Was he the leader of the group or something? Is this some sort of secret children cult?

It looked like it, and this boy gave me a lot of Eric's vibes. He held his head high, his torso pumped, shoulders behind. A future leader for sure... or another Brent. That thought made me frown. How could I compare him with this asshole without even knowing his name? It wasn't fair for the teen. I pushed away any unwanted images. Having a mental breakdown in front of the kids wouldn't do me any good. No doubt that Eric would report it to Max and I was good for an endless "vacation". The other kids looked at him with mixed expressions, some seemed about to explode from excitement or take a run at any moment to come back to their games, and some were tapping their foot impatiently as if waiting for a signal to be able to speak.

"Before we introduce ourselves and let you join us, you have to pass the test." The boy sounded much older than he looked at that moment.

My jaw clenched as I pictured Brent in his place. It was so easy to see the similarities between them. Were they related? If that's the case, I'll make sure to keep my distance. My eyes widened and I stole a glance at Eric who was smirking. He only shrugged his shoulders when he met my eyes. Damn him, he should have warned me beforehand.

"Depends on what this… test is."

What would they want me to do or say? The blond boy made a sign and all children moved in sync to gather around him, whispering between them to come to an agreement. What was that? After several seconds of heated debates, they finally took their original place. Mini soldiers, perfect future initiates, are already programmed to fulfill the faction's goals. Was it Eric's doing? All these questions drove me insane, I wanted to turn around and talk to the leader alone.

I needed some clarification on what's going on and the rules of this Child Care Service. While I was thinking of it, I didn't see any worker or nurse on my way here. Did nobody care about these kids? Was it a wicked way to push me to take the job? I was so lost that I didn't register that the teenager had taken another step forward, standing right in front of me. He was almost eye level to me, he had to be at least fifteen if not more.

"So, Chris. If you want to become one of us, you have to answer one question." The boy paused to look me dead in the eyes. "What do you think of Eric?"

I blinked a few times, unable to comprehend his question. He curled an eyebrow in defiance, a smirk playing on his lips. His expression matched Brent's perfectly, so much that I shuddered. Heat rose in my cheeks, coloring my skin a deep red, I felt hot and cold, shivers running down my spine. I gathered all my courage to not react when I caught a glimpse of satisfaction in his irises. I won't let this brat get to me that easily. In truth, I was a complete wreck Brent and the boy morphed into the same person in my mind, that same wolfish grin on their lips. I slapped myself mentally to snap out of it. I needed to answer that stupid question or else they'll consider me weak and that wasn't an option.

"Cat got your tongue?" Teased the teenager, arms now crossed over his chest, surely imitating Eric's posture, but lacking his charisma.

" No, I… I didn't expect that kind of question, that's all." I felt Eric's eyes boring into my skull from behind. "We don't work a lot together so I don't think I know him as well as you do, but I trust him, he's a good person, even though he's almost always in a bad mood. I also like his jokes." I added more quieter so that the leader couldn't hear me properly. "Don't tell him that I said that but, sometimes, he's not funny but I laugh anyway to not make him feel bad."

I think I gained some extra points with my remark because the kids burst into laughter, clutching their sides as if recalling the infamous jokes of Eric. I tried my best to smile when the blond boy extended his hand to shake mine. His hold was strong and confident, showing me clearly that I just entered his territory.

"Congratulations, Chris, you're welcomed in the CCS." He bent over to whisper softly in my ear. "Eric didn't lie, you truly are beautiful."

Stunned by his boldness, I stared at him, fear evident in my eyes. Wrong move. Something flickered in his eyes, a malicious glint that made me want to run for my life. What he said took time to reach my mind. Eric told him that I was beautiful? I blushed uncontrollably, his smile grew wider, believing that he was the one to have this effect on me. I opened my mouth to retaliate but he beat me to it.

"I'm Aidan by the way. I'm sure we'll get along very well." He called over his shoulder as he turned on his heels and joined the older ones.

Petrified, I jumped out of my skin when Eric's hand found my shoulder. He put it back right away as if I just burned him. His worried eyes plunged into mine and I knew that I was screwed again. Eric was able to pick up that something was wrong. Something that we couldn't discuss in front of the kids.

"Don't let Aidan get to your head, he just likes to mess with everyone. He's a good boy when you get to know him."

"Yeah, I'm sure." I replied dryly, unconvinced.

One by one, the children came to introduce themselves. There were so many names to remember and faces to attach them to, I started to feel a pounding headache making its way into my brain. At least, it helped me get my mind off Aidan and Brent. I already had a fan club following me like lost puppies around the room. Everytime I turned around they would hide behind furniture, playing innocent. This routine kept going for some time before I got tired of walking aimlessly. The only one following me without even hiding it was a little girl who hasn't said a word since my entrance. I crouched down to her level, a reassuring smile on my lips as she cowered a little from me.

"You didn't tell me your name before," I said gently.

She just looked at me, clutching a stuffed bunny in her tiny arms. Her emerald eyes were mesmerizing, I could almost drown into these pools of rich greenery, they were gradually lighter from the center to turn into a deep olive green on the outer ring.. She looked so small and frail compared to the others, I wondered what her story was. Seconds passed and she didn't try to make a sound. I finally gave up, it will take time for her to warm up to me that's all. I brushed her hair out of her eyes, revealing her porcelain skin.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, it doesn't matter."

To my surprise, she jumped into my arms and clung to me even when others wanted my attention. I sat in a chair, humming softly an old song from before the war. I didn't remember the lyrics nor the title clearly, but I could recall the melody anytime. The mute little girl was snoring in my neck as I rocked her back and forth. She dozed off minutes prior, lulled by my voice. I didn't realize that many children were sitting around us, listening and daydreaming.

Eric was sitting in a chair nearby, his hands behind his neck, eyes closed. He seemed different among the kids, less nervous and on edge, he didn't even have to raise his voice to make his point clear. The children surely respected him. The peacefulness lasted another twenty minutes before a knocking on the door stirred awake the few ones who had fallen asleep. I came back to reality, my hand entangled in the girl's brown hair. When did I begin to stroke her head? She looked comfortable on me, her hands held my shirt as if to prevent me from abandoning her. My heart ached painfully for her, she wanted affection and attention, as any of these kids.

"Chris." I looked up to see Eric towering above me, a knowing smile on his face. I rolled my eyes and he chuckled. "It's time for us to go, the next team is here to take over."

I admitted that I enjoyed my day here, as long as we forgot about Aidan. The girl in my arms shook her head, realizing that we were about to leave. Her fingers curled around my shirt, preventing me from putting her back down. I felt bad so bad that I hugged her back and whispered in her ear.

"I'll come back, I promise."

She refused to let me go as I tried to pry her off. I kept murmuring sweet nothings to ease her pain to no avail, she was stubborn as a honk. Eric approached and tried to take her with him but she fought back, crying silently. I didn't know what to do so I let the leader take matters in his hands.

"Violette, look at me." The brunette looked at him with teary eyes, he gently wiped her tears away. "You know that we can't stay all the time here, we have to eat, work and sleep, too." Violette nodded slightly. "We'll come back before you know it, now Martha will take care of you. I heard that she has a gift for you, one that you wanted for a long time."

Violette's face brightens at the prospect of a new toy. She kissed my cheek then wriggled in my grasp. I put her down and she ran straight to Martha who was ushering the elders towards the bathroom. A contented smile crept upon my lips, kids were so fast to change their minds. I envied their ability to forget about their problems as long as they had anything to play with.

"Fear of abandonment, a hard one to fight against at such a young age." Commented Eric beside me. "They're stronger than most of the initiates that I've trained so far."

"That's not right, they're still kids, Eric."

"I know. I don't like it either, but it's their way of processing what they've been through. They grow up faster than the other kids, they have to look after themselves because they know no one will do that for them. I try to be there whenever I can, it's obviously not enough, you know how a leader's agenda is full."

"I can help." I blurted out before I could think of it.

"That's not why I brought you here." He replied without explaining further as we made our way out of the room.

"Thanks, that was… interesting and surprisingly calming."

"I knew you'd like it. So, you'll come back?"

"Sure, I don't have anything better to do anyway."

"Right."

A casual silence followed our little conversation. My thoughts were drifting away when he spoke again.

"What did Aidan say to you?"

"Nothing to worry about, he was just being a teenager." I dismissed with a flick of my hand.

"Don't lie to me, Chris. I saw the fear in your eyes." His tone grew cold. "What did he say?'

"That's not what he said," I whispered. "He kind of reminds me of Brent. I don't know why but I don't feel safe around him. Damn, I'm ten years older, I shouldn't feel like this." I ran a hand through my hair in an attempt to keep my composure.

Eric remained silent as I stopped dead in my tracks before we came close to a more crowded walkway. He turned his head with an eyebrow raised in question. I sighed, debating whether I should talk to him or simply keep my struggles to myself. He must have sensed my hesitation, he tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowing to read into my soul.

"Stop doing this."

"Doing what?" He retorted, genuinely clueless.

"Your "I'm reading your mind look", it's quite annoying." Eric rolled his eyes.

"Then stop thinking that I'll report to Max whatever you say or do, and talk to me instead of overthinking. "

That was my turn to fall into silence, his face softened ever so slightly and I felt guilty. He helped me before I even was aware of it, I should be grateful and trust him, but I couldn't because I didn't trust myself anymore. At least, not for now.

"Chris, I've already told you that seeking help doesn't make you weak nor unworthy. "

My heart skipped a beat, was this his way of saying to let him help me? His cerulean eyes screamed sincerity. Why was he caring so much about my well-being?

"Thank you, Eric. I'll keep that in mind." He nodded curtly. "See you tomorrow, then."

"Meet me here at four, we'll go together."

"Sounds good. " We shared one last look, then we parted ways.

[flipflap-flipflap]

[Alright take-two on this damn post.  First one got eaten by post editor right as I was ready to post.  You see how long this is?  Save to drafts, kids.]

I’m here to shove a manga on you: Ookami Shounen Wa Kyou Mo Uso O Kasaneru (The Boy Who Cried Wolf Also Told a Lie Today).  It’s a gender bending romance.  Despite how awful that probably sounds, it’s actually really fucking good and I do not say that lightly. 

(No spoilers, this is all in the first chapter)  A high school boy insecure about his intimidating face, Itsuki, has fallen for a shy loner girl, Tokujira, who does not seem specifically phased by his naturally scary face.  So he takes a risk and confesses, but she turns him down brutally.  Itsuki goes to his sister to lament his insecurities about his face, which he (more or less correctly) attributes as why he can’t make connections.  To give him a new perspective on his appearance, his sister (trans btw) gives him a makeover while he’s sleeping and then kicks him to the curb of her salon - fully crossdressed.  On his way home, Itsuki (♀) ends up bumping into Tokujira, and she mistakes him for a boyish girl.  Under this misunderstanding, she asks "her” for a favor...

She has androphobia, and she has it bad.  So much so she can’t even look at men without snapping violently or becoming physically ill.  And Itsuki (♀) is just boyish enough to trigger her, but not enough to lock her down.  So she asks for “her” help, to see if she can desensitize herself to her phobia. Itsuki’s in a bind for a couple obvious reasons, not the least being the guilt of deceiving Tokujira. But nonetheless, he genuinely wants to help her.  So, he decides to continue crossdressing, diving into a lie that he soon finds he has no easy exit from.

I really recommend this manga.  I cannot say that enough times.  It is phenomenal, shattering tropes left and right in fun and interesting ways.  Do yourself a favor and give this manga a try.

Personal feelings and meta analysis below the cut.  It’s, uh, ungodly long, and will get very spoilery.  But I will flag spoilers.  And there will be pretty pictures?

(Also, no, I did not go into this planning to compare a manga about crossdressing to the abolitionist writings of Frederick Douglass, but reality deserves to be a bit absurd sometimes.)

Before you think I’m getting spoilery, with the intro I gave or anything I don’t mark as spoilers, I’m really not.  Everything outside of spoilers is right on the package at the start.  It sounds like I’m spoiling late-game stuff, right?  That’s something that was really fantastic to me: this manga doesn’t spoon feed you.  There’s no arcs of pure silent angst, even at the lowest point in the story. These kids are smart, they think and intuit on the spot, and they share what they’re feeling with each other like good friends do.  Like that next panel down there with Itsuki introspecting about his confidence level while crossdressing?  That’s from the first chapter!  These kids are smart.  And god damn that is so nice to see.

There was a lot I liked about this manga, but at the top is how compelling the protagonist and his internal conflict are.  Right from the first chapter he’s already wracked with guilt about what he’s about to do: deceive this girl by pretending to be a safe space.  But Tokujira told Itsuki (♀) she hopes to one day be able to fall in love, and Itsuki wants to ensure she can have that - even if it’s not him that gets to confess to her.  He’s fully aware of exactly how fucked up what he’s doing is, and is appropriately beating himself up over it in a really realistic way.  But although the guilt never fades, it slowly gains company in happiness. He enjoys this new, fragile life he has constructed around the two precious new friends he's made as a girl.

It was probably easy to gloss over in the synopsis, but arguably the biggest part of Itsuki (♂)’s conflict is his complex about his face.  He looks dangerous, and because of that he is afraid to even lift his head or smile in front of others.  But as Itsuki (♀), he smiles and laughs without fear.  It becomes immediately clear to him on the first day that he's a more confident person while crossdressing.  Happier in a way he can't be as a man.

Botan is easily my favorite character in the series.  She’s introduced early on, as Tokujira’s first and only friend before Itsuki (♀).  At the start she’s a dangerous third wheel, a serious threat to Itsuki’s ability to keep up his lie.  And though the situation is (thankfully) defused rather quickly, she becomes a massive source of internal conflict for Itsuki. Nonetheless, she becomes a dear friend for both Itsuki ♂ and ♀. She’s just so...*chef’s kiss*

^This face is the repository of all my love and affection.

Mark my words, this is the first and I assume last time I will ever say this: love triangle good. You know it’s inevitable in a romance genre piece, but this manga approaches the trope in a new and compelling way. [Spoiler] Needless to say, it’s between Itsuki, Tokujira, and Botan.  But...there’s two Itsukis involved, ♂ and ♀, and in the center of it all is this lie. His lie stops being about him: it's about not hurting these two girls he cares so much about. [/Spoiler]

On a more personal note, I saw so much of myself in Itsuki’s older sister, Ibuki.  She runs a salon, catering especially to crossdressers and transwomen.  She’s a self-described “Youthling”, an alien from the planet Youth, obsessed with observing the exciting and turbulent lives of the youths of earth.  For more or less for the same reasons most of us do: transpeople don’t tend to get the youths we want, if we allow ourselves to experience youth at all. So it’s nice to be able to enjoy it vicariously, through this younger generation that is able to more fearlessly pursue the lives we couldn't. 

^Incidentally, one of my favorite interactions in the manga.

Despite getting Itsuki into this crossdressing mess, she’s someone he can always return to and confide in, and get good, helpful advice from.  Her whole philosophy is to give young people agency to explore their identities and find themselves, and though she tells Itsuki the road he's taking is dangerous as soon as she learns what he's doing, she'll always support him however she can.

That, I feel, is what separates her from other, more creepy/pedophilic enabler types, like Sawako from K-On! or Lucoa from Dragon Maid. It’s a refreshingly honest and respectful portrayal of a quirky adult just trying to be a good older sister.

The last thing I want to say, and I’m not going to even mark this as a spoiler because of course it’s going to happen and if you can’t predict that then you’re not my problem, is that Itsuki of course eventually has to drop his lie.  All I’ll say about it is that it is probably going to live in my head for years. Everything about it, the lead up, the execution, the fallout, and the recovery, are all so masterfully crafted for maximum emotional impact.

That’s all I want to say exclusively about my personal feelings.  On to analysis.  There will be a lot more contextual spoilers here that, even without reading the parts I’ve specially blocked off will probably leak through.  Read at your own risk, but I would recommend revisiting after you have finished the manga.

One thing I really want to talk about is language.  That’s right, I’m going to compare a crossdressing manga to The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, the autobiography of a freed slave turned abolitionist. Douglass talks about a concept that has remained imprinted on my mind ever since I first read it: how and why slaves struggled to comprehend the concept of freedom.  This wasn’t anything to do with fear or “racial inferiority” like pro-slavers would argue, but rather with a lack of vocabulary.  They have all of these feelings and things they know to be true, but lack the words to make meaningful sense of them.  For Douglass specifically, his life completely changed when he learned the word “abolition.”  It was like a floodgate burst, as he was suddenly able to put meaning to feeling, create context from chaos.

And that’s right, we see that happen in a big way, with Tokujira.  This should be an obvious development, but as it happens late in the manga I will mark it [Spoiler].  As Tokujira and Itsuki (♀) practice things like talking, eye contact, holding hands, etc., Tokujira naturally starts to fall for Itsuki (♀).  But she doesn’t understand that.  An important part of her character is that, growing up, she focused on expanding her vocabulary as much as humanly possible in the hopes of being able to better articulate herself.  So words are very important to her.  It’s not until she sees a work of lesbian fiction on display that she finally realizes that’s the word she’s looking for.  The floodgate bursts, and all of her emotions suddenly make sense.  She realizes she loves Itsuki (♀). [/Spoiler]

And I think that is a vital and underexplored concept when discussing LGBT youth, especially in countries where even knowledge of these concepts is taboo.  The reason so many LGBT youth struggle with their identities, especially trans youth, is because we do not have the vocabulary to conceptualize our feelings.  I am always excited to see this concept play out, especially in this context.  It’s such an important thing that needs to be addressed more broadly.

Moving on, I want to talk about historical context of the genre as it relates to what the author did here.  Notably, I want to talk about a specific trope rampant in Japanese queer fiction, specifically early lesbian fiction: the idea that queerdom is a meaningless, youthful phase that children will naturally and inevitably grow out of.  It’s problematic for obvious reasons.

[HELLA HELLA SPOILERS]  My kneejerk reaction to the ending of this manga was that the author fell into this trope.  In the end, Itsuki comes to the conclusion that he does not need to crossdress.  So again, kneejerk.  But...it really wasn’t like that.  He never had any dysphoria; crossdressing was always just a necessity of his circumstance.  Nonetheless he learned to analyze and value his experience crossdressing as a woman, and because of that grew as a man.  And as part of his journey to understand his identity we, through him, see why some people crossdress.  Along with his example, we see why his sister, a bona fide post-op transsexual, has made it a permanent change to her life.  Likewise, we see Miyama, who crossdresses purely for the gender euphoria, but has no (stated) interest in going all the way.  These are all presented as valid and meaningful. [/Spoiler]

Crossdressing, and gender nonconformity in general, is portrayed not as some one-dimensional fetish like cultural taboo would depict it to be, but rather a meaningful exercise for exploring and critically analyzing your own identity.  For some, yes, it’s a phase, but an importantly transformative one when done right.  While for others, it is a gateway to a new way of experiencing and enjoying life.  Or, it’s fun just for the pragmatic reasons...

I honestly cannot recommend this manga enough.  Tragically, I cannot imagine it ever getting an official english translation, so you’ll have to settle for a  scanlation like the one I linked in the title up top (and here, again).  It’s a really good translation, though the site is predictably sketchy.  Warning for lots of NSFW ads.

Read it, and then come talk to me about it!!!  There is basically zero fan community and I need to fangirl with someone!

[the-goth-catte]

A Shifting of the Sands: II

The roar of the bloodthirsty crowd in the arena rumbled like a persistent, pervasive thunder in the tunnels below the blood sands. The individual voices, the sounds that one could pick out to distinguish anything as even remotely related to mankind, were so muffled and dulled through the thick layers of stone and long twisting passages that what remained was an almost inhuman roar. A tempest of voices, a wall of humanity all calling out for one thing: blood. The fights had been going for some time now, so long that Naalie had lost track of how many bells had come and gone since the opening contest; she often wondered what it was that kept those men and women so enrapt, so enthralled that they would spend the better part of an entire day watching the trained fighters of the gladiators’ guild dance their deadly dance over and over again. Certainly after so long it became repetitious, did it not? While, yes, the different acts all fought with different styles… but when one got down to it, how different could any of it have been?

The young Miqo’te woman crouched in one of the many narrow, dimly lit passages beneath the arena proper; her back rested against the cold stone of the wall, though the majority of her scant weight was supported by the taut muscles of her calves. All of her gear, save the plumed helm which rested beside her, was polished and equipped, the weight of the steel, leather, and cloth a familiar comfort to her. Many of her colleagues cracked wise that her attire must weigh as much as she did, and while it wasn’t quite so burdensome as that the armor did add a significant amount to her overall weight. In moments like these, when the call would soon come that her fight was next, Naalie found herself repeating this same routine time and time again: crouch in the dark tunnels and allow the weight of arms and armor to ground her, to center her. It reminded her that she was in this moment, in the now, and that no matter what came next nothing could change that. Her breathing was slow and rhythmic: inhale to the count of five, exhale for seven, hold for five, repeat. It kept her heartbeat from slamming wildly in her chest, and the anxiety that always came with an impending fight from running wild with her emotions. At least… it usually kept her anxiety in check. 

This fight… this one was unlike the others. She’d faced challenges, gone up against odds that she’d been unlikely to best - and won. This wasn’t even supposed to be a challenging fight, according to the word from the back alley bookies taking bets on the outcomes. While the Hrothgar she was pitted against was significantly larger than her, the skill with which she wielded a sword outclassed him in nearly every imaginable way. Light and nimble, Naalie glided like a shadow over the blood soaked sands to strike quick, hard, and decisively. There was little at risk in this fight. What gnawed at the back of her mind, instead, was the cryptic warning that came some weeks earlier while finding a measure of solace in the desert night.

The Lalafellen man hadn’t identified himself, only insinuated that he was a man of power and influence. The exchange had played out in her mind’s eye repeatedly in the days that followed, twisting and turning the encounter every which way to make sense of it; part of her wondered if he’d been bluffing, some costumed man with a mummer’s farce trying to scam her into providing a big pay out, while the remainders believed he was legitimately who he suggested he might have been. What would happen if she didn’t do what was so kindly asked of her? She, and her tribe, had so very little that there wasn’t much that could be taken from them; she had very few personal ties, fewer still beyond her immediate family. And what of her opponent? Had the man approached him as well with some enticing offer to encourage him to win? Or simply told him he would be going over in their bout? Undoubtedly he’d done something with Bjornulf, Naalie just couldn’t guess what it might have been. In silent frustration, the young Miqo’te woman leaned her head back and began idly bouncing it against the stone behind her; it hurt, but it distracted her from the racing thoughts swirling about her mind.

Far above her, Naalie heard the crowd roar with approval at some unknown deed that had just transpired; whatever it was, it had been exciting. A particular bloody outcome? A surprising upset for one of the underdog fighters? … A death? Those weren’t uncommon in the dangerous world that revolved around the Ul’dah Bloodsands. Would she soon meet such an ignoble ending, sprawled in the dirt and grime while the fans who had so loyally cheered for her now called for her death? A slow sigh slipped past her lips, and Naalie’s eyelids dropped tightly closed. In that moment, the sounds of the arena seemed to fade, becoming a dull background roar… a white noise she could tune out. It was a strange, unexpected moment of peace, which left her yearning for somebody, anybody, that she could reach out to.

"Vhenna!" the call came from somewhere to her right, just around the corner of the tunnel. "You're on next. Get your ass up to the gate."

Her silence broken, Naalie let out one more quiet sigh before pushing up to her feet. The footfalls that carried her down the tunnel were leaden, her body refusing to cooperate with the demands she was making of it; each step felt as if she were walking to her execution, a sense of dread lingering about her being with a strong defiance running to her core. No matter how this day went, no matter the outcome of this fight, she knew that things would never again be the same.

-----

Sand kicked up into an arc as Bjornulf the Hellsbeast slammed the head of his mighty mace into the ground where Naalie had been standing but a scant few beats of the heart before; the thick metal hit with such force that the percussion could not only be felt by the nimble Miqo'te, but actually heard over the cheers and jeers of the spectators. Naalie wasn't sure if they called out in excitement as she easily twisted to the side before the blow fell, or if they were disappointed that her flesh and bones hadn't been crushed instead of the sand.

The way she moved wasn't unlike that of a dancer, albeit one decked in heavy armor and wielding a short sword; as the mace came hurtling down, Naalie had jumped to the side, twisting in air and coming down in a crouch a few fulms to the left. Was the crouch necessary? No. The crowd, though, usually ate that kind of thing up... and anything you could do to get the crowd wanting to see more of you was well worth doing. As she lifted her head, magenta eyes slowly lifted toward the rings of spectators looking down on them (yet another fan-favorite move that she tried to throw into the fray when she could). She tried to tell herself that she wasn't looking for anybody in particular, but she knew in her core that she was damn well looking for that Lalafell. The quick, stolen glance wasn't long enough to make out any faces, however; in the heat of the moment, in the midst of battle, she could scare spare more than a few heartbeats to play around before getting back to business.

As the tan Hrothgar began to heft his mace from where it has embedded itself in the sand, Naalie dove and rolled forward behind where his legs were planted; there was the briefest bits of hesitation as she brought out her blade to attack.

Should I? He warned me...

Flash

The bright lights of the arena caught the reflection of Naalie's blade, flashing brightly as the steel bit into the bare flesh and fur of her opponent. The man groaned aloud as the keen edge dug deep into the muscle of his thigh, mouth contorting into the shape of a silent scream and eyes narrowing. Blood poured free, matting the fur of his legs and spilling down onto the already stained sands below.

The crowd went wild, on their feet and cheering wildly.

All... but one.

In the sea of sound and moving bodies, there was one lone figure; Naalie caught but a glance as her eyes flicked back up to the ground, a few heartbeats at most... but she was sure. The ostentatious clothes, the smug expression, the two flanking morons. Yeah, it was him.

The corners of her mouth turned downward in a scowl. The entire fight until now had been spent in a mounting state of dread and indecision, not knowing what to do... what would be best for her career, or her well being. But seeing that short statured pompous ass standing in the crowd, watching her with his judgmental expression... Naalie knew.

As Bjornulf staggered forward, his right leg no longer fully supporting his weight, Naalie began to strike. She never went immediately for one killing blow, unless it was a guaranteed success. She preferred, instead, to dart in and out and make numerous strikes to further hinder their ability to attack or defend themselves. Precise cuts crippled his other leg, bringing the big Hroth down to his knees; his right arm was shortly rendered useless as he made the mistake of lifting it to guard against a blow, taking several ilms of cold steel into his flesh. Naalie was fairly certain she felt bone scraping against her blade when she slid it from the wound she'd created, and from the amount of blood that began to pour out it wouldn't have surprised her. He was helpless now. He knew it. She knew it. The crowd knew it. And the crowd... the crowd was going wild, their lust for blood and death at a pitch.

Naalie stood before the felled Hroth, blade held outstretched with tip pointing down at him. His eyes were wide and watery, but his brave face held as he stared potential death in the eye. It wasn't at her helpless foe that she looked, but to the mass of humanity beyond him... through the cheering fans... to a single, solitary Lalafell. With a defiant incline of her chin, Naalie's voice rang out in the arena.

"I refuse to kill this helpless gladiator." She paused, her eyes lowering to meet those of Bjornulf. "Yield," she demanded.

His breath came in pants, gasping for air through the pain of his wounds and the shame of his defeat. "He..." Bjornulf started, his voice low... low enough that his words were lost to all save a single Miqo'te. "... He promised... me riches... if I could kill you. And...  he... he promised suffering... if I couldn't." Bjornulf spat, red phlegm staining the sand at Naalie's sandals. "You... have to... finish it."

The desperation was heavy in his words, carrying the weight of his fear and chilling Naalie to her core. Before she could process this, the Hrothgar lunged forward with a strength she didn't realize he still possessed; the severity of his wounds made it a clumsy endeavor at best, but Naalie saw it for what it was worth: an opening to give his death some glory, so he would pass from this world a fighter on his feet rather than a weakling on his knees.

With a quick motion, Naalie stepped to the side as he staggered in front of her; turning her sword in hand, Naalie brought the point downward just behind his clavicle. It cut through flesh and down into his pumping heart, stilling the organ. With a cry, Naalie jerked her blade free; the cooling corpse of Bjornulf slumped face-first into the sands as his life's blood spilled across the aptly named arena's floor.

Bitter tears stinging her eyes, Naalie lifted her head to stare out to the crowd in victory. She saw none of the cheering faces, the contorted fans enrapt with the spectacle before them. Only a solitary Lalafell turning his back and slowly walking away.

[firaknight]

Ok my brain wants to talk about Kracko today so I’m gonna!

Kracko is one of many. He’s a sentient cloud being that has the powers of a god. Weird that he’s such a pushover most of the time, right? Well, those aren’t the Kracko. There’s other Kracko out there!! If clouds clump together enough, there’s a chance one can form. Other planets even have one (See: Planet Towara boss fight)!! The original, real, genuine Kracko lives in Cloudy Park! He’s hidden at the top of a really dangerous mountain that’s known to have the most fucked up weather patterns of anywhere on Popstar. There’s a shrine up there he calls home and people go visit him a lot!

While the mountain is dangerous, there’s a path that’s usually very clear that people take. Kracko himself carved it during a fit of rage and it tends to be mostly free of the abnormal weather patterns. It leads directly up to the shrine and its traveled quite often! People leave little talismans on the trees as they pass. The talismans have inscriptions of hopes and wishes from the people who travel along the path. While Kracko can’t grant wishes, he can manipulate weather, so he does pay special attention to talismans relating to that.

It’s also customary to take newborns up to the shrine. Think of it like baptism. People take their newborn child along the path and up to Krackos shrine and ask for his blessing. That child will have his protection whilst in the boundaries of Cloudy Park and will hopefully be exempt from his fits of rage (more on that later). He’s usually very calm and courteous when brought a newborn, since they’re small and fragile and probably scare easily and he doesn’t want to frighten them. However, he wasn’t like this when Ado showed up.

Ado brought Adeleine with her when she fled her home planet, and, while Adeleine wasn’t a brand new baby, she was still little and deserved a chance at habit Krackos blessing, so she carried her up to the shrine. Now, keep in mind that, while Kracko has been alive for thousands of years, he’s never once met a human. Not a single one. This meant that he was more than freaked out at the sight of one entering his shrine. He wasn’t mad! Not at all! But a weird squishy being that’s tall and big and haS A BABY??????? Yeah that’s frightening. Once he realized that baby Adeleine just a little sweetie, he warmed up to her almost instantly. Literally picked the child up and out of Ado’s hands and just floated around to room like a joyous goofball with an excitedly squealing child on him. After that day, Kracko dedicated every second he could get (when he was pissed off) to making sure that Adeleine was happy.

At first, it was small things, like slowing down lightning so she wouldn’t be scared during a thunderstorm, but it quickly grew to “I’m going to give my entire life up for this kid if I have to.” She gets to be a bit older and decides to go run into the forest to play! Problem being that she’s an easy target for predatory creatures like Pacto, which are big enough to swallow her whole if one wanted to. She gets spotted by one and absolutely can’t outrun it. Ado is far enough away to not hear the commotion, but Kracko notices. He may be all the way up in his shrine, but he can just sense when someone’s in danger. Almost immediately, a thunderstorm rolls in and he uses this as a cover to scope the forest, spotting little Adeleine running from a group of Pacto. Without a second thought, he strikes them down with lighting (despite the fact that he could’ve hit her by mistake if he wasn’t careful), flies down between Adeleine and the Pacto (just in case the lighting didn’t do the trick), and then promptly picks up Adeleine and flies her back home. This tends to happen a lot when she’s little.

After the events of Crystal Shards, Adeleine stays on Ripple Star for a few years before returning home to work on art and be closer to friends. Kracko is overjoyed to have her back and adjusts wind patterns and weather to make sure her first few day back are lovely. He now also has a habit of straight up redirecting weather when she’s painting. It’s about to rain? Cool lemme poke a fat hole in the clouds so this kid doesn’t get rained on. It’s cloudy? Lemme break the clouds so more light shows through. Kid wants to paint a storm? Lemme aim one at the stormy barrier around Cloudy Park and maintain a very specific bolt of lightning for an hour so she can paint it. Its pouring rain and she needs to run an errand? Sure thing I’ll just break a hole in the clouds above her and manipulate said hole and clouds so the hole is always over her and she doesn’t get rained on. High winds? Not in my territory :)

He also becomes super protective of her. Susie comes to invade and mechanize Cloudy Park during Robobot (she wants the resources and data since Cloudy Park is a secluded floating island that’s hard to get to) and gets a few Robobot Armors in to try and get things under control. Adeleine steps up to help alongside Ribbon and gets her ass kicked by one of the Armors. It’s at this point that Kracko hits an anger point he’s never hit before. He destroys every single Robobot Armor that made it past his barrier and then goes after Susie, who’s making her way through the barrier and into Cloudy Park. She doesn’t even make it halfway before Kracko ups the strength of the barrier and chases her out. She sustains serious damage to her Business Suit and crash lands not far from Nutty Noon. Kracko proceeds to chase her all the way back to Dreamland and give her a couple extra warning lightning strikes to make sure she knows to stay the fuck out. Adeleine winds up being fine, she’s just got a few bad scratches and a nasty bruise, but she’s otherwise ok! Kracko carries her up to his shrine to keep her safe and stops her from leaving unless he’s positive that there’s nothing that could do her harm (the leg from the Access Ark is just across from Nutty Noon, meaning they’re in harms way 99% of the time).

Moving on from that: Kracko tends to have a bad temper. When he’s angry, he forms impenetrable thunderstorm clouds and rains lightning on Cloudy Park. Said anger comes from losing to Kirby so often but sometimes it’s from other things, like Susie trying to invade his territory. Adeleines house has been struck more times than she can count, but repairs take no time at all. Kracko tends to feel bad for striking homes (he gets blinded by rage and doesn’t realize what he’s hitting half the time. He tries to aim for desolate areas but his blinded rage can take him elsewhere) and works to help by keeping work-hindering weather at bay until said work is done.

Also, to elaborate on the barrier thing:

Cloudy Park has a huge barrier of clouds surrounding it. The clouds hold it up and stop it from plummeting into the land below, and it serves as a barrier to outsiders. Kracko is the one that formed those clouds and maintains them, putting some of his energy into keeping them around. The clouds are usually so thick you can’t see where you’re going, and Kracko uses this to confuse intruders into turning themselves around and coming right back out the way they came. Stops him from having to fight anyone and keeps his bad temper at bay. However, some threats are persistent and don’t leave so easily. Susie and the Robobot invaders were one of these threats. This leads Kracko to use a defense system in the barrier: storms. He fuels his energy into the clouds in the barrier and creates storm clouds out of them. Lightning jumps from cloud to cloud and thunderclaps sound from every part of the barrier. High winds also tend to show up that can push most beings away if they’re not careful. If the threat still persists, Kracko takes on the threat himself. He blends in with the clouds, with only a spike or an eye being visible in the stormy mass. He rains lighting and high speed hail upon the threat until they back off. If the threat even so much as slows down, Kracko ups the force of his attacks until he’s chased the threat out completely. He occasionally takes on a different move: warping the entirety of Cloudy Park to a different location. Kracko may be fierce, but he knows when he’s beat. If he feels his territory is in danger, he can use the clouds and innate magic of the land itself to physically warp the landmass that is Cloudy Park to a different location. He only does this under extensive threat like the Dark Matter invasions. Both times he moved were when he believed that Cloudy Park was at risk of being overtaken by Dark Matter. The warp is fast, taking less than an hour to do. The barrier of clouds around the island fully encase it, creating a sphere of clouds around the landmass. The clouds begin to spin and close in, high winds usually following, and then everything warps. Cloudy Park is physically warped to a new, temporary location. The first time it was the Rainbow Islands, and the second was to the outer reaches of White Wafers, hidden amongst mountains as a secondary protection. While this move usually takes Cloudy Park to safety, it leaves Kracko incredibly weak for a while. The landmass floats very close to the ground (sometimes floating in water to alleviate the stress on Kracko) and the barrier of clouds are weakened to a point where just about anything could get through. Kracko also must return to his shrine to rest and regenerate lost magic used in the warp. It can take days to fully heal up and it leaves Cloudy Park vulnerable to threats. Dark Matter took advantage of that and broke through the weakened defenses to wreak havoc on the landmass. Both times were just a day after the warp. Had the Dark Matter waited a few more days to strike, Kracko could’ve kept Cloudy Park safe.

The warp back is far less taxing, as it’s simply returning Cloudy Park to its original location. Magic is tied to the land that keeps it connected to its origin crater (the crater left from the land rising up out of the ground) and its incredibly easy to find with the right magic prowess. Kracko has such prowess and it’s very very easy for him to warp back. He simply follows the magic that connects the two and uses it as padding for the warp. It takes the magic stress off of him and makes it go faster. The warp home takes maybe 30 minutes at most, but usually less if Kracko is in good health. Once the warp is done, Cloudy Park usually returns to its origin crater and rests there for a day. Magic regenerates incredibly fast when this is done and it allows Kracko to focus on healing up. Since the 2 lands are tied by magic, a naturally occurring barrier forms over the land while Kracko is down to keep it protected while he heals so he doesn’t have to try and maintain his barrier. This connection can’t be done unless one land is weaker than the other. Think of it like trying to stick two of the same magnets together. It doesn’t work. Cloudy Park works the same. If both lands are at full health, they can’t stick together. If Cloudy Park is weakened but the origin crater it came from is at full health, or vice versa, they can stick together.

[eities]

CURSE WORDS AND BABIES W/ THE HQ!! BOYS

[ the question is: would they curse in front of a child? or would they resist the urge to let that very colorful vocabulary of theirs to escape their lips and save it for when they’re not around? ]

CAN’T HELP IT BUT CURSE: [this is the type of guy who just really really can’t hold it in. it’s like they’re not even aware they’ve said until the child is repeating what they’ve said and you’re on their back scolding them for it. the urge to curse is stronger than them most times— a habit that has become automatic now. (“i didn’t even say anything this time!” “yes, you did!” *thinks* “fuck... maybe i did” “!!!”) the type to say it again in frustration after your child has repeated it, absolutely. some of them feel really bad afterwards and try making mental notes not to say such things when they’re around children in general; others just really don’t care and tend to forget a lot more easily. however, neither of them really mean it (and they sure don’t want to have you on their back lecturing them for letting the words slip all the time), and they’re trying their hardest not to but it just... beats them. despite this flaw of theirs, they would never teach a small child how to swear on purpose. it’s genuinely on accident, as irritanting and chaotic as it sounds.]

iwaizumi, semi (these two feel so, SO bad afterwards pls forgive them), suna (really, it beats him. sometimes he forgets, half the time he doesn’t really care— it is what it is), kageyama, kyotani, KAMASAKI, futakuchi, konoha, hoshiumi, osamu, atsumu (they like to say none of them does it to spite the other but in reality?? yeah no, they’re on the same boat), daichi, nishinoya, tanaka, lev (“it was an honest mistake” *sighs* “okay fine but don’t do it again; doesn’t do it that regularly but still), bokuto

USES “SHUCKS” INSTEAD OF ACTUAL CURSE WORDS: [they can’t really hold it in but have gotten used to saying something similar and less aggressive than what they actually mean to say. if it’s a better way of letting out that frustration and whatnot, you don’t know, but you let it pass. really, they just want to be cute. and for some reason your child doesn’t really find the substitute words as funny as the real ones so they don’t repeat them as often as they’d repeat “fuck” or “shit”, and that’s somewhat more relieving. still, they might let one or two curse words slip by when they’re distracted/deep in their own world. some of them think making up different words so children don’t listen to the actual words they mean it’s absolutely ridiculous and stupid (but they do it anyways); others find it genuinely funny and adorable, and will lowkey melt if they catch a child repeating them. their most used words vary from “shucks!”, “fudge nuggets!”, “sugar!”, “oh sugar honey iced tea!”, “fiddlesticks!”, “darn!”, “son of a biscuit!” and so on.]

yaku (and he actually, religiously, canonly says “shucks”), OIKAWA (uses this from time to time however he never once actually swore out loud in the presence of a child and iwaizumi hates that it’s true), sugawara (USED TO, but considering he’s around children a lot he doesn’t do it as often anymore even tho it seldom slips), hinata, GOSHIKI, tendou (he makes up the dumbest, most random names to substitute the actual words he means— a part of me thinks he’d teach some kids a little less PG words tho)

DOESN’T SWEAR IN FRONT OF A CHILD: [the role models; the kind of guy you want to babysit each and every single kid in the neighborhood: responsible, respectful, calm and collected, they know that letting bad words slip is never a good, acceptable thing when around small children. they’ve done their homework and they’ve done it really well. sure, they’re human and they sometimes have the need to curse, but it’s not in their being to ever do it in front of children. the others above envy them, because you never once lectured them for not being able to help themselves. parents and grandparents love them as they’re so well behaved. and the kids? adore them to no end. yes, there are now funny, new words coming out of these guys’ mouths but they make up for it by actually knowing how to entertain a small child (not that the others don’t, but these rely on the purest forms of entertaining the youth only).]

ennoshita, asahi (he really doesn’t want to upset anyone okay baby), yamaguchi, KUROO (honestly i feel like he’d pretend he’s about to swear just to tease you but he never actually swears in front of children), kai, AONE, akaashi, ushijima, shirabu (this guy doesn’t entertain kids for fun, it’s like a chore to him and he does not like it; however doesn’t curse because ushijima needs to see how respectful he is), kita, aran, reon, sachiro

YOU NEVER SEE THEM AROUND KIDS/PREFERS NOT TO TALK TO KIDS OVERALL: [the ones that just don’t vibe with kids and can almost never be found near them. if some of the others could, i’m sure they’d also be here but i think that these are the ones who stand out the most in this category when narrowing them down. to them, children are like those tiny, moving things that should definitely stay with their parents— and away from them, of course. if it’s their children that will definitely not be the case, they’ll love them and try engaging with them in their own, weird ways but honestly i don’t see them having baby fever any time soon. they’re the least recommended type to babysit as some of them would most likely end up forgetting they were babysitting a child; leave them alone for quite a long period of time to do their own things; the list can go on. they don’t necessarily mean any harm to children in general, they just really don’t want to be around them as much as possible and would prefer it if their world and the little kids’ world would stay apart.]

sakusa (“kids are disgusting, so many germs”), tsukishima, kenma, kunimi, kuguri, taichi

[deathnotesecretexchange]

moonshine

From: @cat-soda

To: @anakien

Prompt: For Mello/Near, a story where they’re undercover at a bar and start tailing someone outside. To prevent themselves from being spotted, cue make out in an alley.

Word Count: 1623

Additional Tags: mentioned rape, mention/implied human trafficking, (nothing happens to anyone dw), alcohol & drug mention, rated T for Tons of sexual Tension, Meronia

  The bar is a hole-in-the-wall kind of nightclub, with sticky countertops and stickier glasses, and strobe lights that flicker and flash across the room in random intervals. People move together in a sweaty mass in the center of the dance floor; Mello leans over and mutters “Wanna dance?” into Near’s ear just to snicker at the vague look of disgust he gets in response. 

But, no. Even if either of them wanted to, tonight they had a mission.

Residing in the seediest part of Seattle’s Chinatown, The Lost City was a central hub for various underground dealings. Among those were aphrodisiacs and date rape drugs that moved hands from manufacturerers to linchpins, and from there into the drinks of future mail-order brides. There were several men involved in the operation. Mello, Near, and the rest of their team had managed to pinpoint three of them: David Smith, Jason Liu, and Emanuel Rivera. Undoubtedly aliases, but identifiers nonetheless. Catch any of them taking part in an exchange, and Mello and Near could blow the entire operation apart — all they needed was a testimony.

As it turns out, though, eyewitness accounts are hard to come by when everyone is hellbent on keeping mum. So, one evening, Near came up with an idea.

---

“We’ll call it a date night,” he said with his palms cupping Mello’s chin.

Near was sitting on top of a desk, face shadowed by the many monitors behind him. Mello, settled neatly between his legs, ran his hands up Near’s thighs. “You call a night out doing surveillance ‘a date?’”

He tilted his head, eyes wide. “Do you not know how to multitask?” 

Lover be damned, Mello was getting tempted to bite through the bone of Near’s thumb as it swept over his lips. He settled for taking it into his mouth and sucking instead.

---

So. Blue eyes sweep across the room, long since having gotten bored. Mello takes a sip from his rum and coke. Clearly uncomfortable beside him, Near almost seems to curl around his own drink. Some date this is shaping up to be. 

If nothing else —he amends, looping an arm around Near’s shoulders and pulling him closer— at least they look good together. Courtesy of himself, of course. Near probably would’ve come in his usual attire if the decision had been left up to him. Pajamas, messy hair, curious expressions and all. 

No, scratch that. At least they both looked legal, now. 

Regardless, they were still having trouble blending in, standing off to the side as they were. 

He takes another disgruntled sip of his drink as a man wearing a half-bun enters the main room. Mello’s attention immediately latches onto him. 

Jason Liu, age 37. 

He touches a hand to the choker on Near’s neck, pulls on it slightly. “Found him,” he says in quiet Portugese.

Near’s lips curl upwards in excitement. “Good,” Near replies in kind. He slips a hand into the back of Mello’s jeans and squeezes just hard enough to earn a glare. “I want to get closer.” He sets aside his beer and turns, a mischievous half-smile playing at the edges of his mouth. In English, “I suppose I’ll take you up on that offer from earlier.”

Mello’s eyes narrow. Near, what are you thinking…? “My pleasure,” he manages before the other detective sets off for the dancefloor. 

There’s nothing subtle about the way Near pushes his way through the crowd, and just the shine of the lights on his hair is enough to draw Mello’s gaze away from Liu as he struggles to follow. Focusing so heavily on the other must have been a mistake, however — a clubber upends half their drink onto him when they happen to collide. To make matters worse, Near reappears at his side as easily as he’d disappeared, lightly teasing, “Alcohol is supposed to go in your mouth, Mello.”

“I realize that. Thanks, Near.” Mello lifts his wrist to his mouth and tentatively licks, internally grinning at the way Near’s ever attentive eyes darken and go half-mast. “‘s not bad.” 

He sees Near’s attention dart away from him, then—

Going up on the balls of his feet, Near hangs his arms around his partner’s neck in a too-loose-limbed imitation of drunkenness. His breath is scentless —his drink had gone untouched all night— and it leaves nothing to focus on besides the resulting dampness and heat that meets Mello’s ear as Near murmurs, “The target is leaving the area through the back entrance.”

Mello looks around, quickly relocating the stout Asian man. Sure enough, he was just stepping out the door. He places a hand over Near’s shoulder blades in a kind of caress, hissing, “What, you thought I wouldn’t notice?”

“You looked distracted. Was I wrong?” A sharp nip to his earlobe, then Near pulls away with an affected —dizzying— quirk to his smile and a touch of brightness to his eyes. “Shall we?”

Mello scowls as the other man slips away from him.

Seattle’s winter is sharp as they step outside, the cold air hitting his nose and cheeks with a special kind of vengeance after the warmth of the bar. The pair of them take a moment to glance around, Mello hardly daring to breathe in case his good ear happens to miss a sound. 

Quietly, they hear the scratch of shoes against pavement. 

Mello jerks his head in that direction and, at Near’s nod, takes off with Near close at his heels. They stick to the shadows to avoid arousing suspicion, never more than a few meters behind Liu. When he stops in front of a nondescript van, they step in sync into the dark of a narrow alleyway, creeping to the edge of the brick wall to watch. The back doors of the van open and out come— 

—he’s turning this way— 

—Near pulls him deeper into the alley. 

The only other warning Mello gets is the glint of Near’s teeth as he grins, sly and stark under moonlight, before Near drags him downwards by the collar for a kiss. Their lips meet, teeth clashing harshly — Mello’s back hits the other wall with enough force that it shoots molten arousal down his veins. Ah, shit. He fumbles for the gadget in his pocket and sticks it to the wall-space next to him, then crawls his hands underneath Near’s shirt just to feel him shiver.

Near’s fingers reach up to tangle in and pull hard at Mello’s hair, half-lidded eyes watching the bob of his throat before Near sucks at his neck, insistent— Mello lets out a quiet moan that’s quickly cut off by another kiss. Biting at the blond’s lower lip, Near pulls away just far enough to whisper, “Careful. We don’t want to get caught, now do we?”

“Shut up, Near. Shut up, shut up—!” Grabbing his forearms tight enough to bruise, Mello spins until the other man’s back is hitting the wall —Near’s breath stuttering in surprise— and pins his wrists up against it. He tastes the heat of the other’s mouth, swallowing down the soft noise he makes, and moving his tongue molasses-slow against Near’s until the fog begins to clear from his head.

He pulls back, panting slightly but wearing a smirk at the way Near chases him out of the kiss. Still, he gently rubs the other’s wrists in silent apology as he lowers them. The air around them lowers by several degrees as Near relaxes against the wall, breathing hard through his nose. “That hurt, Mello.”

His smirk disappears. “Sorry. Are you—”

“No, I—” Near’s eyes open, revealing charcoal pupils blown-wide. “I meant that I liked it.”

Sparks shoot down Mello’s spine.

He works to clear his throat, and manages, after a few seconds, “Still. We should… try to be more careful. In the future.”

“...sounds good.”

Near twists a strand of hair between his fingertips. Mello tries to will his heartbeat back to normal. Offhandedly, he notices how silent the night’s become.

Near straightens up, suddenly alert. “The target!” He looks around the corner at where they’d last seen Liu, biting down on a reddened lip. “I shouldn’t have gotten so…”

“Distracted?”

Turning pink at the reminder of his earlier teasing, Near throws a cold stare Mello’s way, whose only response is to grin back, cat-like.

“‘Distracted,’ yes.” He sighs. “He’s gone. We’ve lost the target.”

Near goes into a crouch, hugging his knees to his chest in a forlorn manner, and Mello immediately decides that that’s enough wallowing in self-pity for one night. He brushes his hand through his hair, starting, “Well…” and wincing when he hits a tangle Near’s fingers had caused. “No, not exactly.” He frees his hand, then gestures to the tiny camera he’d stuck to the wall. Matt had handed it to him before they left headquarters earlier that night, citing this is a date, after all! with a shit-eating grin. “Check this out.” 

Near’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. He leans in, inspecting the gadget before turning to look over his shoulder with a slight smile, genuine and warm. “That was very clever of you, Mello.”

The soft-spoken compliment has Mello’s face flushing a brighter shade of red than it has all night. “Fuck off,” he mumbles. He takes the camera off of the wall and shoves it back in his pocket, huffing.

He can still hear the smile in Near’s voice as he responds, “Alright.” Thin, pale fingers interlace between his own. “We should go home.”

Mello finally looks at him, heart skipping a beat at the way Near almost seems to glow in the evening’s darkness, and concedes. “Yeah,” he says. He clasps their hands just a bit tighter together. “Home it is.”

---

moonshine (n)

moon·​shine | \ ˈmün-ˌshīn \

Definition of moonshine

1 : moonlight

2 : empty talk : nonsense

3 : intoxicating liquor, especially : illegally distilled corn whiskey 

(via Merriam-Webster!)

---

a/n: and then they probably fucked :p 

my apologies to anyone named david smith, jason liu, or emanuel rivera -- i swear i don't have anything against those names >.< umm, it was my first time writing smth so... spicy?? so i hope i did well. anakien, if there's anything you want me to change, i absolutely will!!

let's see... special thanks to my friend, jean, for reading this over for me, haha!! oh, and the playlist for this fic can be found here!! thanks for reading!!

[linkspooky]

Gojo and Sukuna: The Strongest vs The Strongest

Gojou and Sukuna are both pictured lounging on top of a pile of skulls: the people they’ve climbed over to reach the top of their respective worlds. Gojou is the strongest Jujutsu Sorcerer, and Sukuna is the strongest cursed spirit. As they both carry the title of the strongest they actually have a lot in common, and are destined to duke it out one day - more details UNDER THE CUT.

1. Individualism

Gojo and Sukuna are both characters who base their entire identity around their individual strength. Their number one priority is the development of themselves. They need to stand out. They need to stand out on top. That’s why they share the phrase: “Throughout the heaven and earth, he alone is the honored one.”

Selfish and self-centered is a personality trait that typically has negative connotations, but being a selfish person is not necessarily a good or bad thing. All it means is you prioritize yourself first, your own thoughts, your own world view, your own sense of self. 

“I alone am the honored one” is actually a phrase of self enlightenment. It’s said that after the Budha Sakayuni was born he took seven steps from his mother and said that while pointing to the heaven and earth [x]. 

Gege has confirmed in his author comments he uses it to confirm the arrogance of the characters, and in doing so he portrays both the good and the bad of having such a sense of arrogance. See, selfishness is considered a bad quality, but what about self-confidence? Self-esteem? Believing in yourself can lead you to good things. Doubting yourself may seem humble, but it can lead you to making mistakes, or even lashing out at others. These aren’t necessarily good or bad they’re just qualities that people have. Personal enlightenment means becoming the best version of yourself that you can possibly be (if I’m WAYYY SIMPLIFYING). Gojou and Sukuna know themselves, and what they desire better than any other characters in the series. 

Gojo and Sukuna have such high confidence in themselves that they believe they can do pretty much anything, and usually they can. In their world view if you have the strength to do it, then anything is possible. 

Gojo calls this philosophy swinging for the fences. They are both like star players on the team, who do everything they can to stand out and be the best. Their are two competing needs in the story, the individual good, and the collective good. Gojo insists you don’t have to sacrifice yourself and put yourself down for the good of others, which is why he tries to assert his individual will on the world. He wants to make the world better how he sees fit. He generally thinks he’s right, and more right than others. Sukuna is the same way to a more extreme extent. 

The flaw of this thinking is that eventually they both tend to see themselves as above other people. When they stop seeing other people and cut themselves off like this, they start to believe they have to do every single thing alone. Instead of asserting their own will over others, it becomes more and more like their own will, their own ideas, their own thoughts and feelings become all that exists to them. That’s when their thinking starts becoming warped. 

Collectivism and Individualism are ideas that seem to contradict each other but that’s wrong, they’re actually complementary ideas that coexist. People are individuals. People are a collective group. Both of these ideas exist at the same time. 

Gojo’s self confidence, his selfless fighting for others always using his strength for the sake of others, trying to make a better world as he sees fit are all good things, but the fact that he believes no matter how strong he becomes no matter how hard he fights he’ll always die alone because it’s not worth becoming close to others in the Jujutsu World is just... sad. It means ever since Geto left, Gojo has trouble accepting other people and becoming close to them. Whereas Sukuna just doesn’t care. The flaw of doing everything alone is exactly that, you’re eventually alone, you become the only person on earth. 

2. Collectivism

Gojo and Sukuna both have an individual mindset, but where they differ is how they use their massive strength. Gojo believes in himself above all else but, he uses his strength for the collective good of the jujutsu world, whereas Sukuna only ever uses it for himself. Gojo parallels Yuji’s grandfather’s advice at the beginning of the manga pretty much exactly. He’s strong, so he’s obligated to help people. 

Gojo and Sukuna believes their strength makes them capable of anything, but Sukuna takes that one step further. Sukuna’s strength means he can do whatever he wants to others. Whereas, Gojo holds himself back. It’s why Sukuna is the king of curses, but Gojo isn’t the king of sorcerers. 

Gojo is at least capable of acknowledging other people in a way that Sukuna isn’t. Sukuna believes that the world should be run on strength alone. Gojo acknowledges that he’s perfectly capble of slaughtering everyone at the top and declaring himself king, but that he doesn’t really think that will change things ultimately. 

The thing is other people exist, even if Sukuna wants to ignore this inconvenient reality. No man is an island, yadda yadda. More importantly though, other people play a big role in individual identity too. If you were a person who never interacted with other people in your life, you’d just be insane. You’d be feral like an animal. You wouldn’t even have a sense of individuality. The individual ego is shaped just as much by our interactions with other people, seeing how we’re similiar and different to others than it is by how we view ourselves. Gojo and Sukuna both grapple with this idea. One thing they have in common is they both have awful peresonalities.

They’re not even lousy, they’re childish. They play games with other people. Gojo makes constant references to video games and pop culture like he’s a really hip teenager. Sukuna makes every fight into a game where he viciously mocks his opponent because he’s just so bored. The reason is because as individuals they’re also stunted, specifically because they have such trouble acknowledging other people and other people have such an influence on our peresonalities. Gojo doesn’t really need to grow up because he’s always been stronger and smarter than all the adults. Sukuna is a thousand year old spirit who acts like he’s thirteen. 

This longing to understand other people exists in both of them. Sukuna’s one redeeming feature is that when people are strong he will acknowledge them. He reaches out and connects to Jogo before his death. The problem is if you don’t meet his own personal definition of strength, then by his rules you’re basically nothing. 

Gojo seems much more aware of the fact that he’s not good enough to change things alone. What he wants is allies who are just as strong as he is, people he can rely on, people he can stand together and fight with. 

Sukuna genuinely doesn’t care about others. In fact, he views the desire to have companions, equals as a weakness. If you accept other people in any other regard, it weakens you and your individual will + desires as a person. 

But as I said, acknowledging other people is just as formative in your identity in ackonwledging yourself. Sukuna is just flat out wrong here. He’s the extreme result of Gojo’s tendency to do everything himself. For Sukuna other people just straight up don’t exist. The only people he acknowledges are the ones who meet his standards, his servants like Ura-Ume, and the one he plans on using like Megumi and that itself is a weakness. An oversight. 

3. Gojou vs. Sukuna

Sukuna has been planning, since literally the introduction chapters and the very first arc of the manga how he’s going to take Gojo down when he eventually claims Yuji’s body as his own. 

However, even if Sukuna were at full strength in Yuji’s body, Gojo would still win. I don’t think Gojo’s being cocky here it’s a genuine assessment of his strength. Which is why Sukuna has gotten crafty. We saw a long, long time ago he took an interest in Megumi the moment he learned he was a shikigami user. 

Sukuna notices that Megumi a shadow based shikigami user should have been easily able to beat a one finger curse, and asks why he didn’t. It’s after this point he takes a special interest in Megumi. He sees much more potential in Megumi, then Megumi even sees in himself. 

He places his bets in the personal development of Megumi Fushigoro. Over time, we’re reminded again and again the itnerest Sukuna has only in Megumi, and it’s slowly revealed why piece by piece. 

We learn two things about Megumi over time, that he intentionally holds himself back all the time, even though among the first years he’s the closest so far to developing a domain expansion. Number two is what we’ve learned in the last chapter.

Megumi actually has an insanely strong Jujutsu ability that he was born with. Among the Zen’in family it’s the only one that could ever possibly equal the six eyes. In the past it was a six-eyes user and a ten shadows user who fought to the death as equals. Megumi is someone who has had the capability to surpass Gojo all along, he just doesn’t believe himself capable and inententionally holds himself back. 

Which is why we learn this chapter, the insanely strong spirits that Megumi can summon with his ability we finally get a clue as to why Sukuna has taken an interset in him. Even if everything goes swimmingly and he takes over Yuji’s body, he still has to fight Gojo. 

Sukuna is keeping Megumi alive because from the beginning, being a thousand years old he knows this ancient history between the Zen’in and the Gojo families, and he knows that Megumi being a ten shadows user has the potential to be an equal, or even stronger than Gojo. 

The Gojo and Sukuna fight is going to happen eventually in the manga and when it does, Sukuna’s planning on using Megumi as a tool against Gojo. That’s what we’ve been building to all this time. That’s Sukuna’s plans for Megumi. 

[tosikoarts]

SFW Alphabet | Light Yagami

Haven’t seen anyone doing this alphabet thing so here we go. Warning: there’s a lot. Check tosikowrites tag for more.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

 Light is not the best when it comes to affection. It usually served him as a method of manipulation so in the beginning it might take some time for him to separate affection as a tool from affection as a sincere feeling.

 When he finally does his affection will depend on the point of timeline:

 If it is before the L’s death, he would be extremely cautious with everything and everyone. Nobody would know about relationship and all of affection would be in virtual form. Morning texts, good nights, deep conversations or just a daily check-ups – Light would try hard to show that he cares through words since he can’t do it in any other way. He would occasionally send flowers with a box of chocolate or other traditional gifts when circumstances allow him to do so. After the memory loss, Light probably would find one calm evening for a candlelight dinner in inconspicuous but cozy restaurant.

If it is somewhere between the L’s death and rise of his successors, he would shower his dearest with affection, both verbal and physical. He would stay classy but choose more expensive gifts like wristwatch, or bracelet, or book, or box of ideal fruits. He never asks what someone wants, but will pick every single hint to make a guess. Light prefers kisses to hugs, particularly hand kisses and kisses in the corner of the mouth. He would be the ideal traditional dating type, sweet-talker, but only where all his plans for day are accomplished and Misa is not around.

 If it is after the rise of successors, Light would become distant. He would get back to texts. They would be rare, short, but full of reassurance everything will okay soon. Light would send single “I love you” before going to before going to Yellow Box Warehouse.

 B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

 That smartass friend that knows they have to stop you from doing stupid thing but still watches you doing it. Then they help you to deal with consequences and tell you how dumb you were but they wanted you to learn on your own mistakes. Yes, that’s Light.

It’s difficult to become friends with him unless he is truly interested in your personality, skills, or social position. Friendship with Light has to be built on mutual benefit of some sort.

If he helps you, you must help him as well. No excuses. Even though he is demanding, he is ready to do a lot for his best friend too.

 Also, he is the type that still talks to you like nothing changed after a long pause in communication. Once you get to some level of trust there’s no turning back. Oh, and he will make sure to keep his best friend as far from all Kira-related stuff as possible.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

 Light doesn’t initiate cuddles ever. The chance of him initiating cuddles is around 5% on the day when all stars lineup and both of your horoscopes say something grandiose is about to happen.

Nevertheless, if someone else decides to cuddle him in private, he will not reject them. Prefers spooning and being big spoon for sure.

  Definitely needs cuddles after stressful day but, again, will never admit it. The best cuddle session has to include rainy day, cold room, and freshly washed sheets.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He doesn’t think about settling down. Light may be mediocre at cooking but, boy, he won’t leave a single speck of dust in the house. Not on his watch. Laundry? Nobody does it better. Not a clean freak, Light just likes to keep things in order where he can find everything in seconds. Probably has specific schedule for cleaning too. He hates doing dishes and still does it anyway. Can you imagine what power of will he possesses?

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It doesn’t really depend on circumstances. Light will do it tête-à-tête somewhere where person feels comfortable and safe. He is cold and blunt with explanation, very convincing too. Light’s words turn everything upside-down so in the end you think it’s only logical to break up with him. How does he feel? Nobody knows. He probably suppresses all feelings, emotions, and dives into killing criminals with even more passion.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Well, if we talk about serious commitment, not a temporary contract for the sake of New World, it would take from 5 to 8 years for someone like Light to propose. He wants to be sure it is the right person by his side. At some point, he also will confess about him being Kira and make sure his loved one is okay with that. If they’re not he would try to manipulate them into accepting his mission. If it doesn’t work he will eliminate them. They don’t have to support his actions but they have no right to get in his way. After hearing “yes” and putting proposal ring on their finger, Light will go and finish all his previous affairs i.e. with Misa.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

 Oh, he can be gentle if he really wants to. It is a luxury few can afford. Pecks on the cheek, holding hands, back rubs – he is more about physical side of affection and gentleness. He will be extra caring and loving if his loved one did something special for him (like present for a Birthday) or made him proud. Anniversaries are another reason for Light to shower them with love.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

 He is not really into hugs due to the constant need to keep everyone at arm's length. If he sees that a person can go without hugs, he will prefer to avoid them. If they are needy, he may give up and wrap hands around their waist for a brief moment. His hugs are tight at first but he will loosen them as soon as he feels person is satisfied.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not a single time until the Yellow Box Warehouse meeting. At least in the way it is meant to be. Until then he sticks to “I really like you” or cheesy “you make my heart skip a beat”. He expects person to understand his feelings from everything he does for them and sticks to “actions speak louder than words” philosophy. If he had another chance he would go back in time, pull them closer, and whisper every single thing he fell in love with them for in their ear.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Why would he get jealous? You have to try really hard to make this man jealous, he is too arrogant to even think that you can choose someone over him. Moreover, even if you do, he can always pull a piece of paper from the inner pocket and erase another poor soul from the face of the earth.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

 That’s an interesting topic. Kisses are perfect choice for Light: they are faster, more diverse, and way more symbolic. As said, he is fast kisser. Sometimes his kisses may feel empty or light as a flap of the butterfly's wings, however, the angrier/stressed he gets the more demanding they will become. He prefers hand kisses, kisses in the corner of the mouth or cheek pecks during the daytime, and lips/neck kisses during the nighttime. If we talk, where he likes to be kissed, the answer is everywhere, especially when the whole process is accompanied by merciless teasing and/or flattering.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

To everyone’s surprise, Light is great at babysitting and will keep kids entertained for hours. It doesn’t mean he will have tea parties with them or run around playing tag, but more likely give them a specific task and an exciting reward for finishing it. The best option for him would be working on the laptop while kids are doing something by themselves in his field of vision. He never screams at child not matter how annoying they may be, he never recourses to physical punishment either. That one person who reads every reachable book about parenting and strives to be The Best Dad in the eyes of his children.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

  Morning is the most productive time of the day in the Yagami’s house.

By the time you’re awake, Light has already got ready for a day, watched morning news, and wrote down some names too. Kitchen smells like freshly brewed coffee. If he has to leave early in the morning he would put a sticker note on the refrigerator with grocery list or anything important you need to know. If there’s no reason to hurry, he would greet you with a morning kiss to the temple and cup of coffee with savory tamagoyaki.

 On the weekends, morning routine is a little different. Light gives himself half of hour to stay in bed to enjoy mild drowsiness and warmness of person next to him. Expect some neck kisses and burnt coffee.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

 They are very… normal. Most of the times he will ask you if you want to stay inside or go out to eat. When he is too tired or just not in the mood he will suggest watching movie together until you both start feeling little drowsy. Sometimes he will start asking you random questions that lead to deep conversations and additional material for him to analyze.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Light and opening up do not go in one sentence. He gives you information he wants you to believe, in the form that suits him at the moment. Is it truth? Is it lie? You never know but it always feels like he is frank with you and it is all that matters. There is a pinch of sincerity in his words but you still have to take everything with a grain of salt.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

 So, have you ever seen picture with a breach in the dam? This breach is critical and dam will fall under the water pressure in minutes, right? This is Light’s anger control. It is difficult to piss him off, but it does not mean that he forgets your wrongdoing. His anger fills a cup of patience drop by drop and once it’s filled to the brim, catastrophe is irreversible. Until then he is great at self-control and keeping a cool head.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

 Light remembers the most important pieces of information you give out about yourself. His brain keeps filtering your words, connecting them to your facial expressions, slight changes in tone, previous conversations so day by day he learns new ways to excite you. In his head there’s a huge detective board with your name in top of it. Red threads spreads from photo to date to quotes to another photo and whenever he sees blank space he is a little confused. Did he forget anything?

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The next evening after he finishes all the business with L, his assistants (Aiber and Wedy), and Yotsuba group. An intoxicating feeling of freedom and all-encompassing power got to his head so fast he had to share overwhelming euphoria with someone. He would take you out to secluded romantic place like Meguro River where he will be unusually talkative and cheerful. He will constantly cling to your hand, squeezing it playfully, and stroking your knuckles with his thumb. At some point, he will just stop and plant a sweet slow kiss on your lips. Future that finally starts to look like he always wanted it to be will never feel complete without you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

People who decide to threaten his loved one are those who need to be protected. Light starts acting like a personal guardian angel only in situation when he clearly sees approaching danger though. Even with the precautions taken, he always remembers the possibility of an unforeseen situation, and if it comes, he doesn’t mind putting few more names in his Note. Also, no, no one can protect Light better than Light himself and bunch of his fanatic minions, so we’ll leave it up to them.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His everyday effort goes from 0 to 100 and back in a second like metronome needle. Today Light gives you everything and tomorrow he will send you few messages just to check how you are doing, but, generally, you both try to keep it 50/50.

 Goes 100% and beyond spoiling you rotten in the most elegant ways on special occasions like Birthday, Christmas, anniversaries. Always tries to find new ways to surprise you. He doesn’t have this huge detective board in his mind for nothing, you know.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

 Even if you do not know that he is the notorious Kira (which makes him so full of himself obviously), sooner or later Light’s bloated ego will become noticeable. He won’t rub his genius into your face. It’s the small things in your chats that constantly point to his superiority, and, honestly, it can be really annoying.

 Besides his screaming megalomania, Light is prone to periodical ghosting. Not because he lost interest but because intricate schemes occupied all of his time once again. After few days of radio silence, a message with the deepest apologies would pop out of nowhere, slightly embellished with details to make it more believable. He always tries to warn you about going mute but sometimes he simply forgets.

 I don’t know, if it can be considered bad habit, but he is, like, Kira. Just saying.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

 Light wants to look presentable so it’s not uncommon for him to stare in the mirror in search of imperfections. He is not obsessed with being Mr. Handsome but he tries to be always clean-shaven, with his nails short and his clothes well ironed.  

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

 So let’s be clear:

If it is not related to Kira’s case, he would be shocked. Light is not used to rejection so it would confuse the hell out of him. After keeping poker face for a whole day, he would eventually have a huge temper tantrum at home, making Ryuk say “aight, I’m out” while he flies out of window for an hour-long trip around the block. For a few weeks he will feel like someone tore a part of him, mad and disappointed, but this feeling would fade away after 2-3 months.

If he has to end relationship because of Kira’s case, for example, they still didn’t agree on his views after exquisite persuasion, Light will have to eliminate them. In this case he can’t get rid of unpleasant thoughts swarming in his head for almost a half of year, he tries to convince himself it was right decision but some doubts keep emerge now and then.

If they were killed because of their association with Kira, someone will have to pay. He may drag responsible person into his scheme and play them until the perfect execution time comes. Probably will feel mix of sorrow, dull rage, and incompleteness for indefinite time.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

  Light prefers long distant relationships to regular ones. They do not require a full commitment from him and do not occupy his free time: he can send a compliment + heart emoji while serving justice at the same time.

 For a long time I have a headcanon that Light is asexual. He just… doesn’t feel like it. He doesn’t care about sex, and the scene where he reads adult magazine is awkward not only for his father, but for him too.

He wishes his loved one could see Ryuk, but since he has to explain it somehow, he will never allow them to touch Death Note or a page from it. Ryuk needs new people in his life, goddamit.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Stupidity. Inability to understand obvious things drives him up to the walls. Not in Matsuda or Misa style, but hopeless stupidity in which person fails to use their logic and imagination in everyday life.

  I can see Light rolling his eyes at double texts. Any form of clinginess kind of irritates him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

 Сonstant stress, world's best detective on his tail, responsibility for someone's life migrated to his dreams in the form of nightmares. He often wakes up in a cold sweat and stays up for quite some time, discussing different topics with Ryuk in complete darkness.

  In addition to this Light has problems with falling asleep. He usually goes to bed after his partner, so he can prepare the room (turn off everything, leave the window wide-open) and himself (take some pills) to sleep. It takes him up to hour to stop thinking and finally drift off.

[kingbennyboyyy]

benny’s RWBY rewrite: the white fang

so this is something that’s been on my mind for a while, and i’ve been trying to formulate my thoughts about it. the white fang in RWBY, as it stands now, is a really poorly thought-out approximation of the black panther party, an actual organization that fought for the equal rights and the equal treatment of black people in the united states. the black panther party’s actions have been long pathologized by white society and academia at large, and have been falsely contrasted with the ideals and teachings of MLK. the false dichotomy of violent and non-violent action is reductive at best, and blatantly racist at worst. while there is a whole fuckton to be said about the real-life consequences of these discourses, i’d like to focus on their impact on the writing of RWBY. i’d also like to talk about how i’d change how the white fang looks in order to make things a little less uncomfortable.

content warning for real and fictional racism, antiblackness, violence against marginalized people, and discussions of white supremacy under the cut.

so, the white fang. the RWBY wiki describes the group as “ a Faunus organization in Remnant. Founded following the Faunus Rights Revolution, the White Fang was initially a peaceful activist organization created to improve relations between Humans and Faunus and improve the civil rights of the latter.” more concisely, i would describe the white fang as a faunus rights activist group, whose modes of operation have changed over time. within the story, after the peaceful leader ghira stepped down, the faction as a whole took a notable nose-dive into violence. but why did this happen? why was the white fang written like this?

first of all, all of the following talk comes from the subjective opinion of one black genderqueer writer. i am not the voice of the entirety of my community, and i can bet that there are people who disagree with me. i’m just here to say my piece.

that said, i think that the white fang’s writing grossly misunderstands what oppression looks like to marginalized people. the RWBY writing team obviously wanted to handle racism in some kind of way- they wrote racism into the story. however, it’s incredibly clear that most of the writers don’t really understand how deeply racism runs in given societies. the oppression of the faunus is clearly mirroring the oppression of black people in the united states, and yet there’s little to this oppression other than surface-level discrimitation. ghira’s direction of the white fang doesn’t seem to understand that personal prejudice is a very small aspect of the continued oppression of the faunus. alarmingly, it’s only when “radicals” such as sienna khan and adam taurus take control that actual, structural avenues of racism are acknowledged. this has several issues.

- whether the RWBY writers intended this or not, attributing the acknowledgement of actual systemic issues to violent radicals is inherently a really bad call. the dismantling and destruction of racist structures is the baseline of most avenues of anti-racist thought, but by only assigning these beliefs to people like adam “kill all humans” taurus, you’re telling the audience that only people like adam “i’m gonna kill all my ex’s loved ones b/c she hurt my feelings” taurus think that these things are a reality. make no mistake, institutional racism and structural violence against marginalized people is a thing. by giving these ideas to violent actors, you’re sending a really shitty message. 

- another thing to note is the role of fear in the white fang’s activity. blake is quoted as saying that under adam taurus, people only pretend to respect the faunus because they’re afraid of the white fang. this is also bad. there is an actual line of racist thought that thinks that people who just want equality are a bunch of thugs using intimidation tactics to get special treatment, and by affirming this in-canon, you’re giving credence to these beliefs. in addition, adam’s literal desire to put humans in cages and make them go extinct is also an actual white supremacist talking point. actual fucking white supremacists go on about how the white race is going extinct as a means to manipulate otherwise well-meaning people into committing acts of violence against marginalized people. but RWBY says, “no, the white fang actually wants humans to be wiped off the face of the earth.” i shouldn’t have to tell you how buck fucking wild this is. 

- there’s also the role of violence in activism. the black panther party has long been attributed with senseless and anger-fueled violence against white people, but this assessment of the party is completely false. in truth, the arming of black panthers was a direct response to overpolicing and police violence against black people. the black panther party advocated self-defense, and acted as its own protective force for black americans. they had guns so that they could protect themselves from the cops, who were assaulting and killing them in absurd numbers. if the RWBY writers wanted to draw parallels between the white fang and the black panther party, they could have very easily done so by actually doing their research.

the question becomes, is it at all possible to have members of the white fang as actual villains within the RWBY universe? i’d say that it is possible, but it has to be done very carefully. there’s several things that have to be kept in mind here, and the entire understanding of faunus oppression has be to restructured in order for this to work. i’ll outline what i would change below:

- firstly, there needs to be more evidence of faunus marginalization past the surface level. this could be evident in a phethora of ways, anywhere from the trend of faunus hiding their animal traits being more common (an important thing to note is how accessible passing as a human is to the faunus), to beacon actually having much more bias than humans are aware of. blake highlighting these biases would be extremely helpful in establishing how deeply anti-faunus sentiments run. the only racists being cartoon bullies and shady billionaires rings too closely to the sentiments that white people have about racism. this is also a comparatively minor gripe, but the whole “becoming the monster people think they are” mask thing is just so... dumb. there are legitimate reasons for faunus to hide their identities during protests, and pathologizing this is just such a shitty thing to do.

- next, the white fang as a whole cannot be a terrorist organization in actuality. people can believe that the white fang are a bunch of terrorists, sure, but this can’t be the truth. for example, it would make perfect sense for weiss to think such things. her being the heiress to the schnee dust company, being fed stories about scary faunus with weapons trying to hurt her and her family would make sense. but the stereotypes humans have about faunus activism can’t be true. in addition, there should at the very least be more than one faunus activist party. the fact that there’s only one in the entire continent of remnant is so fucking stupid. you don’t think that some group of people would be dissatisfied and go and do something else?

- adam and sienna cannot be the leaders of the entire white fang. i’m sorry, but it’s just way too fucking easy for racists to say “oh, the entire thing’s just an excuse for (insert minority here) to ransack property and hurt people!” ilia could have been promoted after ghira stepped down. it would be interesting to see how she uses her ability to pass as human to actually make some changes for the people of menagerie, and the power structures that led to its creation. sienna has the potential to be someone disillusioned by strictly pacifist ideals of ghira, but she can act more in accordance to the actual black panther party, advocating for self-defense and knowing one’s rights. the arming and training of faunus, as frightening as it may be to the humans in power, cannot and should not be depicted at the beginnings of terrorism. there’s potential for actual discussion of the effectiveness of pacifism and respectability politics in activism, but all of that was overshadowed by the gross villification and oversimplification of the white fang.

- finally, adam. i think that adam is able to remain mostly the same, with a few adjustments to the environment around him (along with the previously discussed changes). i don’t think that adam should be the only person whose violent oppression is readily visible. the trope of the oppressed person going “mad with vengeance” is just adding fuel to the fire of the belief that those who speak out against their oppression should be put down. as satisfying an arc blake and yang beating the shit out of blake’s abusive ex was, it did just kind of feel like two people being like “yeah! violence wrong! pacifism good!” the unification of faunus SDC workers shouldn’t be attributed to adam. the advocacy for faunus to be able to defend themselves shouldn’t be attributed to adam. adam needs to be labled extremely clearly as an outlier, and even then this is risky. i think that adam’s group should be miniscule in comparison to the other sects of the white fang, and i think it would be interesting for his dealings with roman and company to be based on the distribution of android soldiers. adam shouldn’t come from a good place. yes, he suffered atrociously at the hands of his oppressors, but as a character and as an element of the story, he should be uniquely evil. for the few actual people in his group, he should rule through fear and violence, and defectors should be common. his brand of violence should be unique: rather than actually aiming to make changes to help the faunus, he should be solely focused on revenge. blake’s leaving him makes more sense in this way: rather than her leaving because of the inherent evil of violence, she should leave him because of his twisting the good intentions of the white fang into a self-serving cruelty. this all has to be contrasted against the well-intentioned actions of the actual white fang. the terrorist logo that appears universally on white fang regalia should either be solely adam’s, or his group should have a different name entirely.

so there. there’s my thoughts on the white fang and the stuff that the RWBY writers were trying to do. what should be taken away from this discussion is this: it is possible to write racism into a fantasy story without it being an absolute garbage fire, but it takes work. it takes understanding racism, the fact that it’s not just cruel people, but people complicit in the structures that uphold it. it takes being mindful of actual racist talking points, and making sure that your work doesn’t play into them. finally, if you’re going to make a main antagonist a member of the fucking civil rights movement, please for the love of god make it abundantly clear that they aren’t the villain because they want equal rights.

i’ve read so many stories where this defanged, platitude-ridden form of activism is treated as the only valid form of activism. in reality, it’s the form that people in power are most comfortable with. people approve of the idealized version of MLK because his activism was one that made white people feel good. the MLK we read about in schools is an illusory one. the real man kept a gun on him because he knew that as much as white media would have you believe that people liked him, he knew that people still wanted him dead.