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destroyyourbinder · 6 years

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on the offensiveness of female separatism

I don't want to talk too much about female separatism on this blog because I usually prioritize subjects having to do with reconciling with being female. I also do not want to alienate those female people who disagree with me from this blog and from connection with other female people of this experience who they may find more helpful. I want to make it clear I don't really set boundaries about who reads this blog and that you are welcome to read and discuss my material so long as you don't personally abuse me (and I guess I can't even stop you there). I don't always spend time interacting with people who disagree with me vehemently or having protracted debates but you are free to use my material for dialogue or personal thought. I have my petty and personal back-of-my-brain judgments as we all do about people who don't share my views about stuff but I try to keep it in a degree of perspective. I don't want to sour anybody on trying to exist as a female person without transitioning, on reconnecting with understanding themselves as a lesbian or other type of woman, on developing a feminist perspective on their experiences, or on forming meaningful relationships with other female people just because I have strong political opinions. You are free to agree and disagree with me as you want to and there are certainly other women in the community who absolutely do. That being said, I do try to practice female separation as much as possible in my personal life, and I do have strong opinions about it, and I wanted to weigh in on the radical feminist tumblr community debates that have been going on. Ignore this if it is not your cup of tea. ------- The discussion of female separatism often gets stuck in a horrible, muddy rut because it's considered offensive in some way or another to straight and bisexual women, or at least considered offensive for lesbians to offer as a potential feminist action or way of life because we are not attracted to men. I believe the offensiveness of separatism, and the difficulty of discussing it, hinges on this: Straight and sometimes bisexual women are offended because they are being asked to pursue feminist political goals-- i.e. goals that would promote the general welfare of female people-- over their personal desire to partner intimately with particular men. These women are offended because they believe that this sacrifice is unacceptable to ask them to make; they believe that it is fundamentally unfair to ask them to live without a partnership to a man. They believe that they would suffer in some way, or at least that they would have a less meaningful life than the other potential life in which they were intimately involved with a man in romantic bliss, should they not partner with a man. While they do not think their attraction to men was chosen by them, they admit that it is a kind of choice to partner with men rather than separate from men entirely, and they defend the reasonableness of this decision through reference to their personal happiness and their personal ambitions to achieve a life that includes romantic partnership.

These women, however, insofar as they are feminists, also simultaneously believe that men are potentially dangerous and violent, that men as a class are responsible for the oppression of women as a class, and that men benefit from being able to leverage reproductive exploitation and the threat thereof against women. They believe that their partnerships to men expose them to potential violence and abuse along with more indirect and pervasive forms of coercion, as well as the many petty indignities of caring for incompetent and apathetic men. They are absolutely right in this regard. Much of these women's criticism of separatism-- and where you will find their strongest reactions-- is oddly enough based on their exposure to direct exploitation, something baffling to female separatists who use this fact as their justification for separation. This is because women invested in heterosexual relationships seem to believe that female separatists are engaging in a form of victim blaming. They seem to believe that when separatists point out the personal benefits of the decision to separate (which includes less exposure to male violence, coercion, and threat) and that romantic-sexual separation from men is a form of separation within many women's domain of agency, especially for those that have achieved a feminist consciousness about their own situation, that separatists are claiming that the male violence enacted against them is their fault and that they bear responsibility for their own subjugation. I want to note that their reaction to this is often, ironically, to point out (rightly) that women frequently do not have a full choice about whether or not to partner with men or with specific men, that partnering with men is generally done under conditions from violent threat to social approbation, that partnerships with men are often awful and deadening, if not sometimes outright deadly, and that many relationships with men cannot be referred to partnerships at all because they are so profoundly non-reciprocal that they may be parasitical. I want to ask here: is partnering with men, or a particular man, a choice or not a choice? Is partnering with men something done because it makes a woman's life meaningful, because she wishes to live a life according to her personal values about the place of romance in her life and what she believes will make her happy, something that would let us attribute some degree of responsibility for her decision and allow us to hold a discussion with her about her value system? Or is it something she does in part because her life is limited, where she exists under conditions where she cannot really meaningfully choose not to partner with a man or leave an existing partnership gone wrong? I want to ask: if female liberation from men is needed, what does it mean to prioritize a romantic or sexual relationship with a man "over" a political commitment to feminist action and solidarity? Is a woman choosing to do what makes her happy under conditions where female people need to be liberated, or is she doing something else when she partners with men? If a woman believes that she is "making herself happy" while she simultaneously believes she is risking exploitation and violence, if a woman believes that she cannot possibly give up a practice that is fundamental to women's continued subjugation, including her own, because it would mean giving up her highest potential for personal "fulfillment", what is really going on?

I would like to take responsibility here for the separatists who have actually tried to dismiss their obligations to answering the intense and contradictory demands of straight and bisexual women through forms of victim blaming. No woman can ever be said to "deserve" male violence, and while violence against women may be predictable due to a man's history or life context in some circumstances, no woman should be held responsible for his actions. Male violence and exploitation, even when it is expected, is never a just consequence of a woman's misguided or ignorant behavior, and can never be considered a punishment for mere stupidity or imprudence, or even a woman's unethical or politically destructive acts. A woman's failure to accommodate men's absolute entitlement through being merely present for it (through being both female and being a person in his presence, i.e. an entity in his environment not immediately bendable to his will) is not something that in any way whatsoever warrants or justifies, even through appealing to "obvious" or "natural" mechanisms to explain his behavior, male violence against her. Male violence is not something women "get" for being straight, for partnering with men, for being around many men, or even for throwing their daughters, sisters, friends, lovers under the bus. A man does not care if it was within a woman's best interests in leading a safe or meaningful life to be around him when he hits her or when he campaigns to remove her right to have an abortion. A man does not care about whether or not a woman is acting in good faith to all women when he rapes her or when he makes her bear his five children and limits her life to domesticity for twenty five years. Men are neither the arbiters of bitter justice, nor phenomena like the wind or rain. If we take ourselves seriously as feminists, we cannot tell ourselves and other women that we can write off those women who do not want to separate from men as simply akin to the "Grizzly Man".

However, if women are prepared to resist the political obligation or even the mere suggestion to enact separation from men through taking responsibility for their decision-- if they claim that they have the capability to weigh the costs and benefits of separation and to make the decision to separate from men or not, and that they deliberately do not wish to do so because it would be a poor, impractical, loveless, etc. decision-- they must also take responsibility for the political consequences of this decision. They must be willing to understand that if, for example, female separatism would actually be effective for achieving the liberation of women, then they are choosing to do something directly in contradiction with these goals, and other women might have the right to criticize them or discuss with them this decision. But there is no offense required on their own behalf; they are merely bowing out, they have chosen something more important. And if it is that easy-- if men are really worth it and they really will be happy-- there need be no defensiveness or heartbreak about the decision. If women who do not separate wish to resist the political obligation or mere suggestion to enact separation from men through denying responsibility for their actions, through claiming that they are cornered or forced into their relationships with men in some way and that they cannot choose to act otherwise, then they need to understand that this is incompatible with also claiming that they are acting in their full and considered self-actualization when they partner with men. They need to understand that this actually justifies separation from men when possible, and that while they may not personally be able to leave their dependence on men or prioritize feminist action, that it is actually admirable and good when women can do so because it means these women do not have to suffer like they do and can act to minimize female suffering in this world. Finally, I want to note that straight and bi women who do not want to separate from men romantically or sexually often compare the feminist suggestion that they do not intimately partner with men with the conservative, religious demand that lesbians do not act on their attraction to women. Popular, straight-relatable liberal objection to this variety of homophobia focused on the burden to gay people of "suppressing attraction" and the unfairness of limiting a gay person's life to one without experiencing partnership when straight people do not need to do so. A more radical resistance to this demand states that a woman (or man) has no obligation to change her/his sexual behavior to be more useful to patriarchy, patriarchal religious structures, or nationalistic, fascist, racist, and/or eugenicist ideology about who ought to reproduce and under which conditions. Modifying one's sexual or romantic behavior is expected under other conditions all of the time, and women and men throughout history regardless of sexuality have often chosen to put certain life goals, whether political or personal, over romantic and sexual partnership. The point is that furthering the restrictive and oppressive goals of patriarchy and its extensions need not be one of them. Straight and bi women-- and straight people more generally-- often disbelieve lesbians and even gay men when they state that partnership is not their greatest priority in life, that their most intimate partnership often exists on par with their relationships with family, friends, and sometimes even former partners, and that they do not feel much conflict in a healthy relationship between maintaining a partnership and acting towards their other goals. Being a lesbian is not a mirror version of being a straight woman, and many lesbians spend much of their lives without a partner or in unconventional partnership arrangements. I do not think this is inherent to being "straight" or "gay" as an individual, but I think it does result from properties of male-female relationships, like the unique nature of heterosexual jealousy dynamics, the competitive nature of straight same-sex spaces, and the expectation that women's needs always be subordinated to a man's. The point of female separatism is not so much its effects on an individual-- and especially not its effects differentially on women of particular sexualities-- but that it breaks these dynamics through non-participation. Mass-breaking these dynamics through mass political female separation is useful in the same way that other protests of refusal and disturbance are, such as strikes, boycotts, the many kinds of civil disobedience, and direct sabotage. Many people are personally attached to a community history of coal mining or their ambitions to become stockbrokers, plastic surgeons, or soldiers, but it does not mean that the place their attachment takes in their value systems or their decisions based on their values are beyond criticism, or that their personal attachment ought to be prioritized over effective action to dismantle these industries. Separatism is often unfortunately framed as a personal choice, rather than what it ought to be described as, which is a collective action by many women to stop supporting men and to start supporting each other. I want to note here also that criticizing women's decisions about men in their lives in the context of individual decision-making about sexual choices is rightly pointed out as not a very useful practice, in the same way that individualizing our food choices does little for environmentalism, animal rights, or food justice. Instead, we ought to support each other in practicing female separatism as much as possible, which does indeed mean not focusing on purity but instead on accountability and commitment to each other. However, intense reactivity to even the suggestion of female separatism does not bode well for the development of the collective trust among women necessary for this kind of solidarity and political action, and this is why I think many lesbians end up specifically lesbian separatists, giving up on the project of including straight and bi women in their politics. Very lastly, I don’t think lesbians have a special obligation to tiptoe around straight and bisexual women who are resistant to romantic and sexual separatism from males when discussing separatism as a strategy. The fact that straight and bisexual women will not entertain what is essentially a political action for female liberation unless it is drained of all political weight and tooth just means that it becomes incredibly difficult to discuss feminism with them present. Feminism is inherently political, it cannot be discussed apolitically, it cannot be discussed with a respect for "personal decisions" as the first priority for the context for communicating about female liberation. To the extent that maybe we have to get other women on board and work with any woman on overcoming her dependence on propping up misogyny and her fear of resisting patriarchy, we might use different strategies to talk with her, including not implicating her in responsibility for political actions or not being harsh with her about how she must make bargains with patriarchy to survive. But straight and bi women's attachment to men cannot be a limitation on lesbian political discussion, nor on our calls to action to each other as sisters regardless of our orientation. If we went down this path we could never challenge women to resist, confront, and escape the men who have the most influence on their lives, even if they are so-called "benign" men, because we would be forever stymied by not offending the particular woman who likes a man and finds him personally acceptable and compatible with her individual life values and goals.

#writings #radfem99 #radcrit100 #orientation54

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fabelyn · 6 years

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In Carcere Ch.36

Pairing: inahoxslaine (orangebat, inasure)

Rated: T Warnings: spoilers for series finale Chapter: 36/? (previous chapter) Word Count: 13k

Summary: At first Inaho visits out of duty and humanity. And then he finds he can’t stop going back to see Slaine Troyard.

Chapter 36

Lemrina’s chest constricts as she feels something new for Inaho.

After a second, she realizes it’s pity; an alien feeling when it comes to him.

“Inaho…” How did one even begin to broach this? “It’s fine—”

“Why wouldn’t it be fine?” Inaho asks, brows creasing slightly. “You’ve been clear in your trust in this Harklight, and Slaine has also mentioned him in a good light.”

“Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance.”

“What?”

“Ooh, Inaho is getting a rival?” Rayet says, walking through the door.

Lemrina barely registers Inaho calling Rayet out for snooping, struggling with her own intentions.

What was she about to tell Inaho? Wouldn’t it be better to lie, to assure him he never had any chance with Slaine, and now les than ever, to hopefully curb his feelings?

After everything, was she really going to not only forgive him, but try to help him as well?

Shouldn’t I hold this grudge for Slaine’s sake?

“I won't have to snoop if you two don’t keep me out of the loop!” Rayet is saying. “So, who is this rival?”

“He’s not a rival,” Inaho says, with a modicum of inflection in his tone that makes Lemrina believe he’s being insistent.

“I’ll be the judge of that. Who is he?”

“His name is—”

The conversation fades as Lemrina goes back to her thoughts. Slaine wasn’t the forgiving type, Count Saazbaum’s fate had been proof enough of that. However, if even he had forgiven and befriended Inaho, there was no reason to not do the same.

But it galls Lemrina that she’s willing to help Inaho at all. He’s antisocial, apathetic and not even good looking; she should be wanting something better for Slaine. And yet...

“Hm, sounds like a potential rival to me,” Rayet concludes as Lemrina refocuses on the conversation, ignoring Inaho’s increasing objections. “Well, Lemrina should know best. What do you say?”

“I don’t think Inaho has anything to worry about. Slaine and Harklight were very close before, and Harklight was the only one to know about me, and yet their relationship was never romantic.”

“For the last time,” Inaho says, “I am not worried, nor would he be my rival regardless of his relationship with Slaine. I am not seeking to have anything other than friendship with Slaine, and therefore whoever he likes is of no interest to me unless it endangers him.”

Lemrina looks at Rayet and raises her eyebrow. Rayet mirrors it and crosses her arm before turning to Inaho.

“So you’re not even going to feel jealous?”

“I’ve never felt jealousy in my life.”

“Then it’s going to hit you like a truck.”

Lemrina nods. “At least you’re more sensible than I am, I doubt you’ll do anything... grave.”

“I won’t—” Inaho begins, but pauses. “That sounded as if you have done something grave. What did you do?”

“Yeah, what did you do?”

Lemrina squirms. It’s one thing to say it to Inaho, whose opinion she doesn't care about, but to say it to Rayet…

But maybe it’s better if she knows how bad Lemrina’s character is.

“I... used to be extremely envious of my sister. Not only because I used to desire Slaine’s affection, but for everything else she’d been given while I was hidden away. So at one point, I went to where her comatose body was being kept and... and switched off the machines keeping her alive. However,” she adds, speaking in a rush, “I regretted it and turned it on after a few seconds and in the end that was what helped her regain her consciousness so I actually helped?”

There was a moment of silence. Then Rayet shrugs.

“Hey, I tried to choke her. Pity neither of us succeeded.”

“Considering our situation in the two instances in which you tried to kill her,” Inaho assesses, “Had either of you succeeded, terrans would have lost the war and we would be dead.”

That doesn’t make me feel much better about not going through with it , Lemrina thinks, but in light of the fact that neither was judging her, she decides to not snap needlessly.

“So, back on topic,” Rayet says, and Lemrina gets the impression that Inaho just winced. “Is this Harklight going to stay here too? Because we might as well start a Slaine fanclub.”

“Harklight coming to live with us would be too suspicious,” Inaho quickly adds. “None of the other guards were invited when I chose them, so to do so now might expose some familiarity. And should I be exposed, he will immediately become suspect.”

“If you’re found out he will be a suspect regardless of association, since you’re the one greenlighting his transfer,” Lemrina interjects.

“I only gave a final judgement based on choices presented to me. I did not suggest him as an option and others had to give their approval too. So in that light, his situation would still be salvageable, which can not be done if I have him move in with us.”

Lemrina and Rayet glance at each other in silent understanding.

“His arguments seem completely plausible to me, but do you think he…?” Lemrina asks Rayet.

“No, I think his brain would fry before he did something as illogical as keeping a new ally away just because he’s a love rival.”

“Lo— this tasteless joke has gone for too long.”

“Sure, sure,” Rayet says while trying to hide a smile. “How about we wait, see how Slaine and this Harklight interact and then, if they’re very close, you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel any jealousy whatsoever. If you can do that, we’ll stop.”

Inaho lets out a tired sigh. “That is fine by me, you will see you’ve wasted your breath on this.”

“Inaho Kaizuka, we are glad to see your recovery is going well.”

“It is. Of course, I still require specialized medical attention, but I’ll see to it after I am done with my duty to ensure the prisoner is secured.”

“Ah yes, it’s always a pleasure to hear your continued loyalty despite what you face.”

You have just suggested I should be less loyal.

“And it so happens this meeting is being held to speak of your duty.”

Inaho feels a sliver of worry. While he’s certain his actions and plan were flawless, and they had no reason to suspect him, they might have decided he is too useful and attempt to relocate him elsewhere. If so, he will have to come up with a plan to ensure his eye injure becomes a liability in any other chore…

“We have conferred between ourselves and have a request for you. We realize it is quite intrusive, which is why we are willing to negotiate should you, understandably, refuse.”

That makes Inaho extremely wary. The UFE is not one to request, much less understand refusal. He did not have an option even as they had ushered him to the battlefield a few days after having the analytical machine implanted (not that he had minded it then). He could not even imagine what this request would be.

“What do you want of me?”

“We believe it would be better for all involved if the new guard moved in with you.”

…

...What?

Inaho blinks rapidly, fearing that perhaps severe damage had been done to his brain and gone unnoticed by the hospital staff.

“...Could you please repeat that, I believe I may have misheard.”

“We want the new guard to move in with you.”

He is still mishearing, obviously. This is ludicrous.

“Why?” He asks eventually.

“We want an extra eye on the martian girl, but we don’t want her out of your care, either. As your needs require you to leave her side, we believe more pair of eyes are needed, perhaps as a constant guardian.”

“She has Rayet for that. And the Warden, as was done last time.”

“Yes, but at that time both of you left, which may happen again—”

So you’re already planning the next mission...

“And the Warden has to see to all the aspects of the prisoner’s administration. She cannot afford to keep a constant lookout.”

“Which simply means we hand her over to his care when we are unavailable, rather than the Warden’s.” It’s not as if Inaho is personally against receiving Harklight; contrary to what the girls had assumed, he has never truly considered it an option to have any feelings towards it. His deflection of the request is simply mechanical defensiveness; he is too baffled to understand how to proceed, and until he sorts himself out, he will look for the flaws in this unexpected turn. After all, it could always be some sort of test.

Besides, there was his sister’s safety to consider as well. He could not trust this man, a martian with ulterior motives, to not threaten his sister if he was commanded to do so.

But how had this option even come about? Even if they did in no way suspect him, to come up with such a suggestion was still too—

Ah.

This… wasn’t truly about observing Lemrina at all. It must be about observing him.

He’d already long surmised someone from the martian group Lemrina— and now Harklight—was in had ties to the Council. And sufficient power to sway them at times, too.

This person had put Harklight in the position to be hired. And now... perhaps they were also using this chance to keep a closer lookout on Inaho by attempting to put the man inside his own house.

If that was so, then this person wasn’t as smart as Inaho had previously given them credit for. This move was too blatant and truly quite pointless; if Inaho were to decide to do something Lemrina’s group might disagree with, he wouldn’t do it where she or his sister could see.

The move won’t hinder him any, it only shows this person’s hand to Inaho.

If that is the case, and Inaho can’t see any other logical reason why this situation has arisen, should he refuse or should he accept?

He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, or how much power they have or even what their objective is. He needs information, but he won’t be getting that before being forced to decide on the matter.

But well, maybe he has the time to hear a second opinion.

“My house currently has four people in it. While the martian girl’s opinion is irrelevant, I still need to present this to my sister and Rayet before replying.”

The Council murmur amongst themselves, but ultimately see nothing amiss with Inaho’s conclusion.

“We understand,” the elected spokesperson finally says. “We would rather Rayet Areash agree to this. Having her continued watch on the martian girl will be appreciated, even with this new guard.”

Oh? So could it be the reason why this suggestion was accepted is because they believe there’s reason to watch Lemrina closely?

...I really need to see what is going on with the rest of the world.

“Then, with your permission, let me put this request to the others. We can reconvene in a week.”

“I fear we don’t have that much time. We will speak of this in two days time.”

Inaho won’t make this decision alone, but until he has consolidated how he’ll act, it’s best if whoever he is now dealing with doesn’t realize that.

He wants to run to Slaine and discuss it with him, but he manages to control himself and go to his job instead.

“Did he now? Well, that’s quite sensible of him. I await your follow-up report in two days, then.”

Klancain ends the call and leisurely begins drinking his tea.

Really, trying to foresee Kaizuka’s moves, or even understand them, was quite the hassle. He’d appreciate the challenge more if it wasn’t damaging for his plans.

What did the request for extra time mean, really? Was Kaizuka suspicious and needed to think, or did he simply want to prepare his out-of-the-loop sister for the change? Oh, he could also be trying to convince Rayet Areash to deal with another martian, or even consult with Lemrina if he could trust this man to reside along them. Assuming he was aware it was a martian, of course, though he believed Lemrina had likely told him that much, at least.

Well, there is nothing Klancain can do but wait. If Kaizuka figures out the real reason Harklight is being sent to his residence, he’ll surely refuse it.

After all, Klancain wishes to place Harklight there to watch Lemrina.

Even if progress is slow, the situation is changing and Lemrina is becoming more entrenched in his plans. As it stands, she is a valuable asset… that is living inside a house of three people naturally prone to choosing the terran side in a conflict.

Klancain doesn’t think Kaizuka or Areash are capable of making Lemrina betray Slaine; neither has sufficient charisma for that. Nonetheless, even if she never considers betraying Slaine, she might still be convinced to not go through with Klancain’s plans if Inaho convinces her of an alternative method to improve Slaine’s life. Constant contact with terrans might sway her to take their side more. Harklight’s presence should help diminish any hold they have over her.

That and, more importantly, it'll be easier to get in touch with her through Harklight.

He hopes Kaizuka will ultimately accept the decision. If he doesn't…

A message interrupts his musings. It's barely one sentence and in code.

He reads it and finds nothing strange. Kaizuka has gone to his desk job after the meeting.

It doesn’t seem like Kaizuka is too distraught over the measure, or else he’d have gone running to speak to someone in his household.

Later, when he’s informed that Kaizuka went to visit Slaine only after his day job is done, Klancain thinks nothing of it.

“Hold on... hold on…” Slaine groans, rubbing his temples. “So... let me get this straight... ugh where to even start? The Warden is a martian?”

“Yes.”

“A Martian that used to be under my command?”

“Yes.”

Slaine chuckles derisively. “No wonder I barely see her. I must be too much of a disappointment to look at for long.”

Inaho frowns. “If that were the case, she wouldn’t still be so focused on taking care of you. With all I just told you, are you truly going to focus on twisting the information into hurting yourself?”

“It’s not— fine. You have a point, this is irrelevant right now. So, she was put in command by a mysterious figure with enough power and connections to do so, who is amassing disgruntled martians into a plot that has yet to be revealed to you?”

“Yes.”

“I see. Well, apart from the fact that there’s someone with enough power on the martian side to infiltrate the UFE to this degree, the fact that martians are plotting something is hardly unexpected.” Slaine sighs and smiles ruefully. “They are never satisfied.”

“Should martians be satisfied with how things stand?”

Slaine shifts uncomfortably. “Now isn’t the time for that either. I’d rather focus on the important part of what you said.”

Inaho nods. “That they will be bring in another operative to fill in Miers’ vacancy and said person may be residing in my house.”

“What? No! It’s the fact that Lemrina is part of this group and I wasn’t told .”

It takes a minute of Slaine glaring at him for Inaho to understand this is a complaint aimed at him.

“She made me promise not to tell.”

“...But you’re telling me now?”

“I felt it pointless to keep the secret for much longer considering this new guard is supposed to be someone you know well. The secret would be out eventually and as such I’d rather reveal it now so I can discuss matters with you.”

“Oh? Who is it?”

“...I’d rather hear your opinion before your judgement may be clouded by sentiment.”

“That’s foolish. If I don’t know who it is, my judgment will be clouded by mistrust. And even if you tell me… there really isn’t any other martian alive I’d trust much, or at all.” His voice then lowers so much he may be muttering to himself. “Harklight is dead…”

Inaho pretends to not hear that.

“Either way, martians are in general not trustworthy, and while this one might be a friend to Lemrina, that doesn't mean they’ll be good to you, Rayet, or your sister. Not to mention, there’s no guarantee whoever they are taking orders from won’t use this chance to blackmail you through threats to your sister.”

“I concur, I’ve been thinking of moving with Lemrina—and Rayet if she were to agree—while this situation persists so Yuki won’t be in the same house as him.”

Slaine snorts. “I don’t think she’ll take it that well. But anyway, can you really not tell me who it is? If it’s someone I know, I’ll be able to give you insight on his character.”

“I also promised Lemrina not to say, she wants it to be a surprise.” A promise he is strangely thankful for, right now.

Is this the jealousy the girls had mentioned? It makes no sense to feel glad he does not have to see Slaine’s reaction to Harklight just yet.

There’s a twinge of pain from his eye and he takes out a pill. Slaine immediately focuses in on it.

“Is it very bad?”

“Nothing unusual.”

“Still, hopefully this martian comes in soon so you can go get your treatment. And just how many promises have you been making to Lemrina?”

“Just these.”

“Hm, now that you have told me part of what she asked you not to tell, does that mean you’ll tell her about... Miers?”

“I still don’t see the point of keeping the details from her, but no. As I said, I’m only revealing this to you now because it’ll come to light eventually.”

Slaine looks slightly relieved for a moment before frowning again. “I can’t believe this. Lemrina has her freedom and instead she chooses to join insurgents? I don’t want her to waste her life with this! She’s finally free—”

“And therefore free to choose what she does with herself. Which she did.”

“You don’t know that! What if she’s being tricked?”

“I don’t think she is. But you’ll have to talk with her about this, not me.”

“Oh, I will. For now, let’s focus. What do you want by telling me all this now?”

“Obviously, your opinion or any theories you have so I can decide how to reply.”

“...It’s hard to have an intelligent opinion when one hour ago I knew nothing like this was even going on. Just... play chess with yourself for a bit, would you?”

Wordlessly, Inaho brings out their usual set and begins a game, though he himself is barely focusing on it. Slaine is more interesting to watch.

He’s looking downwards, as if at the chess game but his gaze is unfocused. His arms are crossed and his brow slightly furrowed.

Inaho would have given him a day to think it all through, but is relieved Slaine requested little time instead. Quick yet elaborate thinking is necessary, and Inaho needs to know someone is capable of it now that his own abilities are often slightly hindered by his injury.

“Staring at me doesn't help,” Slaine complains with a huff, tugging at his ponytail.

Inaho diligently keeps his eyes on the game.

He keeps his moves paced. The sounds of the pieces on the board lulling him into peaceful familiarity.

He tries to imagine he isn’t playing against himself, but the mysterious person that seems to so slowly be infecting everything he sees. Yet, he cannot yet imagine them as an opponent. Should he even consider them one? Without their identity, or their true goal, he cannot even be certain they will clash eventually.

All he knows is that whoever it is, it won’t be someone simple to fight against, if it ever comes to that. They have power, and influence, and enough intelligence to slowly and carefully exert it only when necessary.

Finding out who it is is a necessity. Maybe he should focus on a way to achieve that while he’s away on treatment.

Time passes. His game is a mess with the lack of a clear goal; Inaho is simply moving the pieces in a way to prolong the game.

Still, even he has no interest in it, conflict is inevitable.

Loss becomes greater on the side he’s defined as the opponent, pieces are taken easily. In fact, in one turn the queen will be removed.

Inaho reaches out to move the last peon, but halts when another hand reaches first and moves the bishop instead.

Inaho blinks; now the queen will be safe.

“Far be it for me to question how you play against yourself,” says Slaine, “but isn’t one side losing a little too much compared to the other?”

“I was trying to imagine a specific opponent but in the end couldn’t give them a goal. That side was only aimlessly reacting to what my side did, rather than have their own strategy.”

Slaine chuckles. “I think that’s less your opponent and more your style these days.”

“How so?”

“Well, I could be wrong, but from what I’ve seen, you don��t really have a current plan, do you?”

“What for?”

“Anything, really. So far as I’ve seen, you don’t have an objective you’re striving for right now. You aren’t planning to start a family, or reach a certain career goal, or anything else. Whenever something happens, you simply respond to it. Ah, I’m not sure I’m making any sense. Hm, like this business with Miers; a threat appeared so you planned accordingly. Same with fighting against Mikael; you reacted to the situation that came up.”

Inaho says nothing, and Slaine hesitates as he moves a piece. “I think I might still not be making sense. I... I don’t mean to imply it’s wrong, or that you don’t have a plan. And I guess my examples were actually things that happened to me and you decided to interfere? Hum, it’s not that not having a goal is a bad thing either, I certainly don’t have any right now. But I just assumed you were the sort to always have an end goal and manipulate everything accordingly.”

“...You used to be like that.”

“I wasn’t. But then... but then she almost died and I... realized I couldn’t rely on anyone else to protect her. Not even herself. Now I don’t have a goal anymore.”

“I was the same. I wanted nothing. And then the war started and I wanted to keep those close to me alive. All my planning was for that.” Now that this has been made clear, Inaho pauses. “I apologize.”

“What? For planning against me? Don't be ridicu—”

“No, for not having a plan now, for you. I should have one but it’s hard deciding what to do for you when you aren’t certain of what you want for yourself.”

Slaine stiffens, looking resolutely at the chess board as one hand grasps his pendant. “You really don’t—”

“This isn’t up to discussion.”

Slaine shifts, uncomfortable, cheeks slightly flushed now. “...Fine. Yet another thing we can discuss later. We need to deal with the martian situation first.”

“Ah, so you have come to a conclusion.”

“Yes.”

“I see, what do you make of our situation then?”

“I think we need to stop circling back to what I want to do with myself and decide what you want.”

Inaho’s confusion is enough that he mistakes the move he was about to make and stupidly loses a bishop to Slaine’s tower.

“I don’t see how this is relevant to the question of the mystery martian.”

“No? Fine, let me start from the beginning then: Inaho, do you concede that this... let’s call him our opponent for now, okay? Do you agree that this person wants to use me?”

“It seems like the most likely scenario.”

“Right. Meanwhile, the UFE has shown that they too aren’t simply letting me rot, but will use me as well.”

“Yes.”

“Therefore, no matter what, I will be used. At most, I might be able to choose who will use me.”

Inaho wants to deny it. However, that would go against all logic.

“As things stand at the moment,” he admits unwillingly. “If you escaped right now, you would require a lifetime of fleeing in some remote location to remain hidden from martians and terrans.”

He’s simply parroting part of what he had once told Lemrina. Had he really made no advance since then? Ironical, considering Miers had nearly succeeded—

Miers.

Inaho blinks. “...Although... although if you were to do the opposite of what Miers intended, it could work…”

“The opposite of what he wanted?”

“He planned to kill you and stage it as an escape attempt. If we were to stage what seems like an escape attempt that fails and you die... rather than hide, a disguise would be sufficient…”

His thoughts start racing and, to his chagrin, pain quickly stops them.

“ Okayokay , no more thinking!” Slaine says hastily as Inaho can’t avoid doubling over slightly in pain. “No plotting in your condition!”

“We need to consider if that is a—”

“Not with that reaction. We can discuss that after you’re done with your treatment.” Slaine sighs. “Besides, I don’t think it’s a possibility. But, again, not now.” He snorts. “The one thing we do have is time to think things through, I’m not going anywhere.”

Inaho decides Slaine is lying for his benefit. Time is of the essence if martians and the UFE are all plotting against each other. Nonetheless, he reluctantly agrees that as he is right now, he can’t handle the level of consideration needed to think of something as sensitive as an escape plan.

“I’ll have to agree with you. Let’s go back on topic. You were trying to explain why my opinion is relevant in the matter at hand.”

“Ah, right. Well, as I was saying, right now I’m not leaving this place and I will be used soon, so at this point the main question is: who will I go with? Do I refuse to cooperate with this martian group as much as possible while willingly doing what I can for the UFE, or do I undermine the UFE where I can while allowing myself to be used by this group?”

“...Yes, that seems to be temporary decision to make. I assume you’ll choose martians over the UFE.”

“I’m not a fan, really. I trust Lemrina, but that doesn’t mean someone else can’t be using her. So, well, if I can’t choose to be used or not, at least I will choose who will do it. And I’ve decided that’s you.”

“...What?”

“You heard me. This is why what you want for yourself is important. Tell me, do you want the UFE to keep growing in power, even if they’ll use your friends in their plans? Or do you think you can handle a martian uprising? Or maybe that will be even worse for you as a terran. B-But don’t strain yourself thinking!”

That isn’t a threat right now, as Inaho’s mind has gone completely blank.

“You would really leave that up to me?”

“...Yes. Yes I will. And don’t waste your breath trying to tell me to pick for myself; I did and this is my choice. So, for once in our acquaintanceship let’s turn the question around: what future do you want?”

Inaho has never been prone to shifting, so he stays perfectly still, but his discomfort shines through his hand; it picks up and let’s go of different chess pieces in his confusion.

He can’t recall being asked that before; people always seem to assume he has that clear in his mind.

“I... I want this idiocy to stop,” Inaho says, and though the words at first are hard to come out, once said the rest all follow in a hurry. “We have two planets that need to be fixed and both are run by people more interested in power struggles at the brink of ruin than actually securing a future. I want someone better than Asseylum ruling, someone who has the will to do right but also the intelligence to make it through. I want trade between the planets, and sensible distribution of land, and restructuring of the power hierarchy to cease with political choices where there should be a competency assessment instead. I would rather we avoid another war. I don’t want my sister involved in anything. I don’t want my friends involved either, or at least that they were self aware enough to take better care of themselves. And I want you out of here.”

He inhales sharply, having spoken so quickly he barely breathed through it.

“...It seems I... have a lot I actually do want.”

Slaine blinks, apparently also taken aback by his outburst before smiling brilliantly.

“So you do,” he says, and his smile turns menacing. “So, Inaho…”

He lunges forward, grabbing Inaho by the collar and pulling him towards him until their faces are almost touching.

“No you listen to me, Orange,” he hisses. “I was a nobody. A filthy terran child in the midst of martians and I managed to crawl my way to the top to achieve my goal. You were the only one that could stop me, and you’re a condecorated war hero, friend to the empress, trusted by the UFE and friends to the other war heroes. And yet here you are, sitting on your ass, waiting for the situation to be so bad it will knock on your door and talking to someone who can’t do a thing even if he wanted to. If you want something, go get it! ”

Slaine let’s him go, and Inaho falls back into his chair.

He realizes his mouth is hanging open and closes it only to let out a laugh immediately after.

“You have a point. I will do what I can.”

“Good,” Slaine says, sitting back with a self-satisfied expression. “But first, tell me who should I go with: The UFE or this other opponent. Oh, and check-mate.”

“I need to assess the—wait, checkmate?”

He looks down at the chessboard. There is, indeed, a checkmate.

“...Did you move the pieces?”

“Questioning my integrity? You’re a sore loser.”

“And you didn't answer the question.”

“Why should I? Shouldn't it be obvious if I moved the pieces or not?”

“My attention has been elsewhere, on legitimate matters.”

“Then if the game means so little you can’t even remember where the pieces were, it shouldn’t matter if I moved them or not.” Slaine beams.

Inaho silently glares at him until Slaine sighs in defeat.

“Fine. I moved the tower two squares to the left.”

Inaho continues to glare silently until Slaine grumbles but moves the pieces to their correct positions, no checkmate in sight.

Satisfied, Inaho resumes resumes moving his pieces. “As I was about to say, I can’t come to a decision at the moment. I’ll use the time I’m away to do some reconnaissance on the situation. That should give me a clear picture on the UFE front, as well as some idea of the current martian disposition. Though it would be ideal to understand who this new opponent is, I don’t see a manner of forcing them to reveal themselves that isn't too drastic right now.”

Slaine immediately goes back to looking smug. “ Ha , that’s not going to be a problem. And it’s why I wanted you to tell me now who you want me to work with. Obviously, this person is going to be revealing themselves to me very soon.”

Inaho frowns. “How so?”

“Do you agree that they must be martian?”

“Either way, it's baffling that they’d have power over martians and terrans. However, I suppose a martian promising power would be able to sway greedy terrans in the upper society, whereas a terran would have a hard time convincing any martians to join their cause... unless they’re only pretending to be martian.”

“Even if they’re terran, at the very least they grew up among martians.”

“Why?”

“You said they are sending someone over to your house. And you mentioned you believe it’s to watch you.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I think it’s to watch Lemrina.” He pauses, sees Inaho’s confusion and keeps going. “It’s a martian thing. Almost cultural, at this point. They —well, the counts at least— distrust each other so much they will even distrust their own. Basically, they have this fear that if they leave a subordinate alone in someone else’s territory that person may betray them. It was pretty common to send people in teams so that one would watch the other.

“Remember that first martian you fought? The one I said I later shot? Why do you think a despised terran like me was even given the right to pilot at such a time? Cruhteo was short on personnel during the assassination aftermath but still refused to leave anyone alone.” Slaine looks into the distance, reminiscing. “Cruhteo really loved that tactic. But then, Count Saazbaum did too; it’s the main reason he gave me Harklight.”

Inaho almost drops the peon he is holding.

“But this tactic isn’t infallible.” Slaine continues. “So much so that Harklight didn’t seem too bothered when Count Saazbaum died—” Slaine flinches. “When I killed him, Harklight did not turn on me, even though he knew I was the one who did it...”

Let’s hope he will choose you again.

“If they are after Lemrina and not me, then the best course of action would be to keep them under my watch.” Inaho says. “However, that might endanger Yuki.”

“Yes, it’s too dangerous to trust martians. As fond as I am of Lemrina, if she’s that entrenched in a martian plot…” Slaine’s face twisted slightly. “I’m sorry that she’s in your home because of me. I… can't vouch for your or Yuki’s safety if she feels harming you is necessary for a larger goal.”

“It’s fine. I knew of the danger when I brought her in.” He hadn’t, however, known she had gone as far as to nearly kill a comatose Asseylum, but hadn’t been too surprised by it. He wonders if Slaine is aware of that. Likely not.

“Not sure if I trust you on that, you aren’t that good at reading people and she can look frail when she wants to.”

That sparks some interest in Inaho, but it isn’t relevant at the moment so he sets it aside to mull over later.

“I haven’t been wrong when it came to important observations yet. Also, you said she is a danger to Yuki and I, you forgot Rayet.”

Slaine hesitates. “Ah... well… I don’t think Rayet has to worry as much as you too. They seem to have grown close last I saw them. I think she has bonded with Rayet a lot. Of course, she might have done the same with your sister.”

“Noted. Regardless, I was leaning towards refusing to lodge this man in my house, for Yuki’s safety. If your analysis is correct, all the more reason to do so.”

“You are more willing to send Lemrina away if keeping tabs on her is what this mastermind wants?”

“Obviously.” Inaho can’t help a small smile as he finally gets one step ahead of Slaine in the discussion.”

“Why…?”

“Because I don’t think being in my house changes Lemrina’s mindset too much. She and I don’t speak much, nor does she disclose her personal feelings to my sister. She also has easy access to this martian group despite being with me. At most, keeping Rayet with her to control any drastic decisions might be necessary, but my presence and Yuki’s is not, so being away from us won’t impact her outlook.”

“You don’t lose by keeping her away. But... oh, of course! The person behind this doesn't know that. They’ll just think you aren’t aware of their real intent and sent Lemrina away to keep the new martian from watching you.”

“Yes, precisely. I might have been inclined to send Yuki away and keep her near if you hadn’t pointed me in the right direction.”

Slaine colors slightly. “Ah... it was nothing. I mean, I might be wrong so take my conclusion with a grain of salt... and tell Rayet to look out.”

“I will. Talk to Rayet, that is. I don’t think you observation is wrong. Do you have any more?”

“I do , actually. Between that and martians following this mastermind so easily, I do think they’re martian, and high up at that. If I’m right, they’ll come to me soon enough.”

“You have some basis to conclude that they’re martian,” Inaho concedes, “so is it also martian culture to meet face to face?”

“It’s the opposite. While they have too much pride, and thus love showing their faces everywhere, they avoid personal meetings. But this person... they’ve been hiding who they are; they can’t even reveal their names too much. It must be hurting their noble pride, so I'm sure they’re itching to tell people who they are. Thus, if there is anyone they feel they can risk revealing themselves to, they will.

“So, they want to show their faces, but can’t. Notwithstanding, they also want me to join their cause, but they can’t call me, and any communication requires passing information between people.”

Inaho could now see where this was leading. “But they might want to say things to you they can’t say to others, or distrust information that passes through someone else.”

“Right.”

“And if they have as much sway with the Council as they have shown…”

“Yes. A visit to my cell might not be difficult to acquire, especially if the other UFE members have told him I’m here. And then with the Warden and the other martian guard as well. It is, therefore, his perfect chance. They’ll be able to reveal themselves to someone who can't use the knowledge against them, someone who they must think wouldn't even want to. They will also get the chance to talk about their plans directly to me, to directly gauge my reaction as well as convince me personally.”

“The UFE Council is aware I will leave after the guard arrives. If they visit you during that time, they would be able to keep their identity from me.”

“Or that they visited at all, depending on what they think our relationship is. Which is why I need to know where you stand, and where you want me to stand; because if they come, they will want me to say something.”

“We have a few days, I’ve stayed here too long already. I’ll think about it—”

“Without straining yourself.”

“...Obviously. We’ll discuss this when I come back tomorrow.”

“Alright, good luck convincing Lemrina you were right to reveal her secrets. Oh, and one more thing…”

“Hm?”

“Checkmate. And I didn’t cheat this time.”

“Not sure if I trust you on that, you aren’t that good at reading people and she can look frail when she wants to.”

Inaho wonders about Slaine’s words on the way home.

From the moment he had met Lemrina, she had never even attempted to look weak in front of him, being willful and aggressive even when she had much to lose.

Did she despise me too much to be able to feign weakness in front of me, or did she only ever try that with Slaine?

He can’t understand why she would do that. Feigning weakness is useful to make enemies underestimate you, yet surely she had never seen Slaine as one, so why the need to do that? It would only make her seem like—

Like Asseylum.

Inaho blinks. Slaine loved Asseylum, romantic or not. Had Lemrina tried to emulate her sister to get to Slaine?

It seems absurd to Inaho; what’s the point in making someone love a fake version of yourself?

Inaho wishes he could ask her, but he knows she’ll treat such a question with hostility since even he is uncomfortable on the subject of his feelings.

Moreover, it hadn’t worked. Slaine had seen through her façade, and seems to have a good idea of her personality at present, if not the full extent of it.

...Was he fond but not in love with Lemrina because she was unlike Asseylum? Did his interests lie in frail girls?

Is Harklight —

The throb of pain was quick and light but still interrupts his train of thought, for which Inaho is glad.

There is a lot of relevant information he needs to go through. This is not part of it.

“I’m against this!”

Inaho isn’t fazed by his sister’s outburst. “Obviously, I will talk to my superiors about a second home for this man, and as a consequence, Lemrina as well—”

“What? No!” Yuki looks more apalled then before. “I’m not worried about me, I’m worried for them!”

“I appreciate your worry,” Lemrina says soothingly, “but neither Rayet, you or I have to worry about Ha—this man.”

Yuki’s eyes narrow. “Are you saying you have reason to think you can trust him, or are you implying he’s not interested in women? Because Nao is here and if this man is untrustworthy and into men, my brother might be in danger!”

There is a pause as they try to follow Yuki’s erratic logic. Inaho cannot be too certain, but he thinks his sister has just concluded a dangerous and possibly gay man would, without a doubt, want him at first sight.

It seems that is what the others have concluded, because Rayet starts laughing as Lemrina blinks in stunned bafflement.

“As if that’s an issue when it comes to Inaho,” Rayet snorts and continues, unaware that Yuki is glaring her with increasing intensity. “I mean, even if this guy is into men, there is no way anyone would want— ow ! My foot!”

“ Do forgive me,” Lemrina says in a simpering voice, “My wheelchair oh so accidently did not see your foot. Regardless, Ms. Yuki, I am personally acquainted with the man and will vouch for his character.”

Yuki seems to be calmer now, but still somewhat reluctant. “Well, I suppose if you know him…”

“I do. We... worked alongside for a while, in matters that demanded trust. I’m not aware of what his romantic preferences are, but I have no doubt that he would not sexually harass anyone .”

While reading faces is still a weakness of his, even Inaho can see Lemrina’s face is telegraphing the words “Not that Inaho has to worry about such things.”

“However,” he interjects before the conversation can derail any longer, “that doesn’t mean he won't threaten Yuki if he’s ordered to do so for the sake of a plan,” Inaho points out as his sister seems to finally give in and accept Lemrina’s assurance.

Lemrina opens her mouth to retort, hesitates and closes it with a distasteful look on her face. “He isn’t a bad person,” she grumbles feebly.

“To his martian comrades, perhaps,” Inaho retorts and, because he’s sure they’ll bring it up, adds, “and Slaine. However—”

“Hold on,”’ Yuki raises a hand. “What do you mean, ‘and Slaine’?”

Out of her line of sight, the girls wince. Inaho doesn’t understand the reaction and chooses to ignore it before answering. “Apparently he was Slaine’s direct underling before and during his rule, and very loyal to him. Slaine seems to hold him in high regard, which doesn’t—”

“Hold on again. This guy... was close to Slaine?” Yuki isn’t looking at Inaho, but Lemrina, as she asks that.

Strangely, Lemrina doesn’t jump at the chance to answer. “Ah… yes? Slaine trusted him, and Harklight was... very devoted.”

Yuki gave her a look Inaho could not decipher, which made Lemrina shrink, before turning back to him. “So you’re not bothered by this?”

“Why should I? The fact that he is loyal to Slaine makes him at least trustworthy to ensure his safety.”

Yuki sighs. “I guess that’s logical…”

“It is. Now, as I was trying to say. While we may be able to trust him not to harm Slaine or Lemrina, that doesn’t extend to anyone else. Which is why I will refuse to allocate him in this house, where Yuki can be in danger. I will decide details with the Council the next time we talk.”

“I can take care of myself!” Yuki says.

“I know. But this is how it’s going to be.”

“But—”

“It’s my final decision.”

“Well, I don't care if Lemrina goes somewhere far away! I’ll go wherever it is everyday, where I will be exposed to this man!!”

“That’s fine. I will also visit regularly. I’m sure he’s not that much of a threat to the point you cannot visit.”

Yuki opens her mouth again, but then closes it and throws her hands in the air. “You’re insistent in all the wrong things!” She rounds back to Lemrina. “I don’t care what relationship he had with Slaine, I will be watching him closely .”

As surprising as it is, Inaho is glad his sister seems to be taking some interest in watching Harklight in turn; it means she won’t have her guard down.

Why the girls look as mortified as they do though, is beyond him.

It’s only much later that Inaho finally manages to meet with Rayet alone, and he only succeeds because Lemrina storms off in a huff when he reveals Slaine now knows what she’s been up to. Got it, thank you

“I get why she’s mad,” Rayet says, scratching her head, “but maybe like this Slaine will have time to come to terms with it and not be angry about the secret by the time they meet again.”

“I suppose.”

“She’ll want to be alone for a while, I guess.”

“Good, we need to talk.”

Rayet’s expression turns serious. “Right, I thought you would. It’s about Harklight, right?”

“Yes, about our future arrangements.”

“Don’t worry, I’m with you on this, I wouldn’t trust a random martian just because he’s good to other martians, it really is better to refuse and have him live elsewhere.”

“Yes. I could also move in with them—”

“If you do, Yuki will follow.”

“I’m aware, which is why I didn't bring it up earlier. So Lemrina will move in with Harklight. What do you think of it?”

Rayet’s expression falters a bit, and despite her rigid training, she shuffles as if unable to stand still.

“...I dunno,” she mumbles. “I mean, Lemrina isn’t stupidly trusting like her damn half-sister, so if she says she can trust this guy, I think she’ll be safe, even if I don’t like the arrangement.” She hesitates, then blurts out hurriedly. “Maybe I should go with her? You know, for added protection?”

Inaho hadn’t expected that. At least, not without a little persuasion, and not with the goal to protect Lemrina. “How close are you two?”

“Huh? Where did that come from?”

“You two seem to be on friendly terms, and even Slaine has noticed you are close. And now you want to go live with two martians for the sake of protecting one.”

“...Does it matter ?”

“It does since I need to know if I can trust you to—”

Rayet bristles. “ Excuse me ?! You can be in love with Slaine but I can’t be friends with Lemrina without being questioned?!”

“Maybe if you let me finish what i was about to say, you wouldn’t get unnecessarily angry.”

Rayet crossed her arms and glares, but says nothing.

“I’m not questioning how trustworthy you are in general. But simply if you will be able to set feelings aside to watch her, rather than protect her.”

“...You think this Harklight changes how much we can trust her?”

Inaho repeats his conversation with Slaine, and Rayet visibly deflates.

“So you see,” Inaho finishes, “if he is correct, then leaving her alone with Harklight will mean putting her closer to this mastermind whose intentions may be harmful to terrans. And despite liking her, Slaine feels she can be a danger and may align against us. In that case, I would need you with them not to protect us, but to secretly watch both and attempt to steer her into not betraying us. However, if it’s too hard to put your opinion of her aside—”

“No. I can do it.” Rayet says, then puts a hand up stop Inaho from replying. “I mean it, I can! Look... fine... I admit I might have given cause for you not to trust me about this, which is why I’m not going to fail! I’ve fucked up before, and put my grudge over an overall benefit and—”

“Not really.”

“What?”

“Well, while you did put us in jeopardy once due to your hatred of Asseylum, considering you later helped me free Mazuurek, I’d say you’ve developed in that regard. If you say you can handle the possibility of betraying a friend, I’ll believe you.”

“...I think this is the one situation where I can,” Rayet says bitterly.

“Because they’re martians?”

“No, because I will be doing it to protect other people I care about. And the planet. I can’t have everyone dying just because that’s what Lemrina wants.” Rayet sighs. “I guess it’s easy to forget, sometimes, that we’re not really on the same side.”

Inaho shrugs. “If they don’t move their plan too quickly, that can be remedied.”

“By convincing Lemrina to change sides?”

“Or by reaching a compromise.”

Rayet huffs, crossing her arms. “I don’t get why Lemrina is even that interested in helping martians. I mean, she seems genuine about it but it makes no sense . It’s not as if they did anything for her. And the terrans never hurt her, either.”

“Maybe it’s time for us to ask that.”

“Oh no, there’s no us here. This is going to need tact you certainly don’t have.”

“Fine. You can see to it while I’m gone.”

“Huh? I’m also going to be gone, remember? At the very least, I need to keep my promise to Mazuurek. I’ve delayed it enough already because you were hospitalized and I can’t leave you to do everything alone right now.” She sighs. “Not that I’m looking forward to that conversation…”

“With the new arrangements, if we both leave, Lemrina will stay with Harklight alone.”

“Do you really think he’s that much of a threat that he’ll immediately start brainwashing her the second he arrives?” Rayet’s tone seems to be truly worried, and not just sarcastic, for once.

“I don’t know, since I don’t know him.”

“...Slaine does.”

“Are you suggesting we tell him who it is? That’s sensible; in that case you do it, so Lemrina won’t feel inclined to murder me.”

“Ha, it’s rare to hear you use a figure of speech.”

“That wasn’t a figure of speech,” Inaho deadpans.

Rayet snickers. “Right. Well, Harklight was his closest subordinate, do you think Slaine will let his own emotions go and give you an impartial impression?”

It’s complicated. Slaine is prone to acting according to emotions, not rationality. And unlike Rayet with Lemrina, he doesn’t have a big enough reason to consider acting against Harklight, if the man is indeed that close to him.

“...I don’t know. He warned me against Lemrina, which shows he has enough awareness, and he doesn’t seem to be to keen to obey this plot…”

Unless Slaine was playing quite the long game…

But no, there’s a limit to deceit and Inaho cannot see Slaine faking some of the things he had said and done recently.

“When I go ask him his honest opinion of Harklight’s trustworthiness, you should be there. You can judge how he replies and see if his judgement is being clouded.”

“Deal. And I’ll be seeing how your judgement gets clouded when your rival arrives.”

“For the last time—”

“So…” Lemrina begins, but falters.

“Yes?” Slaine asks with a shining smile.

Too shining.

Lemrina shifts. She hadn’t quite believed it when Kaizuka warned her that Slaine had not taken the news of her activities well. Now it seems it was true.

And Slaine isn't bringing it up first.

Lemrina squares her shoulders. So what?! He isn’t her superior, she didn’t do anything wrong—

Well, certainly wrong to the terrans but their opinion is worthless.

“Kaizuka tells me you’re now up to date with the situation,” she finally settles on saying.

Slaine’s plastic smiles falls from his face in an instant. “And the situation he informed me of was that you are involved in some sort of insurgence.”

“We are a resistance seeking to defend martian society from the predatory terrans.”

“That’s your government's job!”

“Don’t be stupid, since when has that worked out for us? Especially with my dear sister at the helm. She’s willing to do more for the terrans than most terrans are.”

She smiles in satisfaction as she watches Slaine turn conflicted, but not respond.

“She—” he attempts feebly, but Lemrina, emboldened by perceived victory, doesn't let him finish.

“You can’t protect her when you barely know what she’s been doing. Courtesy of her, incidentally.”

Slaine pales and his features deaden, making Lemrina realize that maybe she should have been more tactful. However, Slaine retorts before she can think of a way to lessen the truth.

“And you shouldn’t be trusting someone you don't know at all!”

Lemrina can feel her cheeks reddening. “I’m not a child! I’m aware of that. I’m not doing anything that’s dangerous or cannot be undone until I see who it is! And they promised to reveal themselves to me when possible! They just haven’t been able to meet me in person yet!”

“They’re stalling Lemrina. They want you so neck deep into this idea, you won’t leave no matter who it is behind it! And you claim to not have done anything dangerous? You’ve been meeting with other dissidents, what if you’re found out?!”

“How would we be? We’re not writing down what we speak about, much less our plans. If someone finds us, we’re simply a martian support group!”

“You don’t need written proof, you just need one mole with a wire. Or less than a wire, if the UFE feels like doing murder without due process.”

“Each member is carefully selected!”

“But not your leader! This could be some sort of trap to lure out dissi—”

“ Not everyone has the same plan you did! ”

Slaine’s mouth snaps shut.

“That’s what you did. Tricking Count Saazbaum into believing you were going to usurp Asseylum, when you just wanted to keep her in power at any cost. Not everyone is like you. Actually, the only person who would do such a thing for her is you . Though I hope that, at this point, even you have understood how undeserving she is of that.”

Slaine looks away, Lemrina decides she won’t press, for now.

“Do you really think that all of this is being done just to flush out unruly martians?”

“...Maybe. I mean, no. I mean... I don’t know , and that worries me,” Slaine admits, shoulders sagging. “Lemrina... please... you had an unfair upbringing; and then Count Saazbaum and I came along and we just used you even though you deserve so much more and now... now you could finally be free of it all and instead you put yourself into yet another person’s hands. Someone we don’t even know yet. I’m worried for you. I don’t want you to end up similarly to me, or worse .”

Lemrina feels warmth spread through her at the words. And... nothing else.

Once, even just his gratitude would leave her giddy and breathless. She would have killed for these words.

But now that she has them, they mean something, a lot really, but not everything.

The irony of it, to receive what you wanted only when you no longer covet it.

Or perhaps not, she thinks. He may care for me, but not in the way I used to want. I am getting what I want now.

But when did my feelings wane?

“...Thank you,” she finally says. “It means a lot, but it doesn’t change my mind. And I think you should appreciate that it doesn’t,” she adds lightly. “I am free. And this is what I want to do with my freedom. Don’t try and claim it’s because I don’t know any better; after the war was done I spent months with no obligation, with no one telling me what to do or what to be. It’s not what I want for myself for the rest of my life. I can’t be happy doing nothing while I hear the situation of my planet deteriorating.”

And you rotting in here while they twist your image . But she doesn't say that, because she knows Slaine will blame himself.

“I don't blame you if you can’t understand the desire to protect the martians. But it has meaning to me, and gives me a future to strive for.”

Slaine stays silent for a minute, clearly thinking it over.

“...So this isn’t... an attempt to have revenge against... your sister?”

She stiffens. “The situation requires her removal—”

“That’s not what I asked, Lemrina. Are you willing to remove her from power because that’s necessary, or because it’s what you want? If there’s a way to protect the martians without lifting a finger against her, will you accept? Or will you insist on finding a way to harm her regardless?”

Even if she is no longer jealous of Slaine’s irrational defense of Asseylum, to hear him ask such questions still enrage her.

“What of it if I do want to harm her?” she snaps. “You are the last person who could possibly dare to lecture against personal revenge.”

“No, I’m the best one for it. I’ve done it so I know it’s best not to.”

“It’s best not to because it didn’t make you feel vindicated, or because it backfired?”

Slaine’s silence and conflicted face is answer enough.

“I want her to finally be taught a lesson. I don’t know why you still stand by her when all she has ever done is pull you down. But just because you chose to forgive or turn a blind eye to the harm she has caused you, it doesn’t mean everyone else must do the same. Her preference for terrans, her lack of gratitude for the martians that protected her, her refusal to stand by her people, her naivete, her stupidity and her desperate attempts of maintaining peace even at the cost of rewriting history... they are harming us . They are jeopardizing our future .”

She almost shouts the last sentence, and needs to take a second to breath in and control her volume.

“Solving this madness, solving it and then moving forward to solve the rest of martian problems won't be simple; it will have a high cost. Be it of lives, be it of time we don't have to waste, and you dare to so much as imply it is wrong of me to want her to pay? I...I…”

Damn it all, she has come this far, she might as well see it to the end and say what she knows Slaine is thinking.

“You think I’m jealous of her, don’t you? You think... you think I just want to hurt her because she got the life I never did, the love I never did. Well... that’s part of it! There, I admit it! I loathe that she got everything I ever wanted and then squandered it and threw it away like it was nothing! I hate how she has the power and trust I’ve wished I’d been given and then fails everyone who ever follows her. I hate her. And if... and if that makes you hate me... so be it! I am not going to change or bury my feelings to protect your view of me any longer!”

Despite having kept her voice to a hissed whisper, Lemrina realizes she’s panting as if she had shouted it all. Her heart beats wildly and it’s part ellation at having finally said it, part fear she has just irrevocably ruined her relationship to Slaine.

Slaine just stares. His expression is blank but his face is clearly paler than it should be.

Realizing Lemrina is no longer going to speak, Slaine seems to struggle to say something, opening his mouth then closing it a few times before he eventually manages it.

“...I’m not going to think less of you for this.”

Lemrina can’t help the sardonic laugh that comes out. “Back then, you would have had me murdered for saying this.”

Slaine flinches. “No... I wouldn’t. Not you, at least. I mean, I was an asshole to you then, so I would probably have locked you up somewhere and then exiled you. But I couldn’t kill you, not even then. And please believe me when I say I wouldn’t do anything to you now.”

Was it because he no longer idolized Asseylum, or because he cared more for Lemrina now?

Looking at how he’s struggling to even come to admit she did any wrong, it’s clear his current feelings for Asseylum are still something he cannot consider. So he means that he cares more about Lemrina now.

That mollifies her, and Lemrina decides he has heard enough truths on that front, for now.

But if Asseylum still has that much of a hold on his heart, Kaizuka should be focusing on ripping her out, not worrying about Harklight.

Wait, why am I even thinking about him now? Focus.

“I believe you,” Lemrina says in a kinder tone. “So please understand. I do want that bitch—” she ignores Slaine’s wince, “—to pay. For personal slights and for her harm to my people.”

“...Just promise me one thing.”

“Depends. I will not be promising to spare her if I—”

“I wouldn’t even bother asking, at this point. Just... if revenge is more important than a better future for the martians, leave this group. Do not risk your life for a cause you don't believe in, just because a possible collateral effect suits you. You will sacrifice too much of yourself and you will regret it. And... and please promise me if it comes to the point where the best future for the martians relies on not harming Asseylum, you will choose them over her. Because if you choose personal interest over their future, you will be doing the same you accuse her of, and you will regret it. So promise me these two things, for your own sake.”

“...I promise,” Lemrina says, and is surprised by her own sincerity. “I want to help, Asseylum getting her comeuppance or not.”

Slaine sighs with open relief. “I still don’t like that you’re in danger, but at least you’re not doing it because you’ve been consumed by hatred. I wish I could protect you.”

“You’ve done more than you know, for me. Now it’s my time to protect.”

Slaine chuckles before turning serious. “And how is that going to be done? I know you don’t know the mastermind’s identity yet, but surely you know what the plan will be?”

“No, we weren’t told,” Lemrina admits, and has to agree with the distrust she can see in Slaine’s face. “For now, we are spreading the dissatisfaction, as well as hope that there is another way to things. I suppose they’re waiting for public opinion of the current standing to turn worse, and the group to gather more people before launching into anything significant.”

“Lemrina... do they know who you are?”

“Most do not. But the Warden does, and I believe her boss must too.”

Slaine stiffens. “Lemrina…” he says warily.

She sighs. “I know, I know. They are probably going to try to use my powers eventually. I mean, the easiest way to change governments is to substitute Asseylum for me.”

Like you did remains in the air, unsaid.

“And what do you think of that?”

“I don’t like it. I don’t want to live the rest of my life a lie. And I don’t want to be anyone’s puppet in power either. But it might come to be the most peaceful way to reach power.”

“Gaining power within the martians is not the issue here. The question is, how will this resolve things with terrans?”

“I don’t think the situation can be resolved. Only enforced.”

“So you would go to war with the terrans?”

Lemrina gives him a look. “That is another thing you cannot lecture me on.”

“I know. But I can’t help it now that I do have some terrans I wouldn’t like to be killed. Same for you, I think.”

It’s an innocuous observation, yet Lemrina feels her face heating. “Maybe so, but it’s not as if war, if it comes to that, means complete annihilation of all terrans. They could be spared.”

“I think you’ll have a hard time convincing martians to let the heroes who defeated them before should live in peace.”

“I suppose. We’ll see. It’s not as if we can do anything without knowing what they’re planning first.”

“You can ensure that this group is focused on martian betterment, and not spending time becoming enraged at the terrans.”

“I’d think you’d have missed how the UFE had a martian count killed and made it look like an inside job if not for the fact that they used you to do that .”

“And it did not escape my notice that the count in question was no saint, and was disobeying direct others from his empress.” He holds up a hand before Lemrina can retort. “But I’m not trying to say all terrans are innocent. The UFE is clearly vile, and commanded by people as selfish and power hungry as the martians were. I’m just saying, try to keep their anger down so this plan to protect martians doesn’t become another excuse for a bloodbath.”

“I’ll try. I suppose I need to be able to do this much, if I’m planning on using them and not being used in the future,” Lemrina concedes.

Slaine finally smiles. “That’s the spirit. And maybe consider talking to Inaho about this.” Lemrina’s expression must be making her distaste clear, because Slaine chuckles. “I understand, but try. He is a genius tactician and has every interest in protecting terran lives.”

“The issue is that he has too much interest in it. Our desires clash.” She pauses, a sudden fear dawning on her. “You... would you side with him?”

Slaine looks momentarily startled at the question, before his face turns carefully blank. “I have no love for either planet and its inhabitants. I have a very small and select number of people I want alive and well and I’ll side with myself in choosing whichever end ensures that for all of you.”

In other words, he will help whoever convinces him more of their ability to secure the safest future.

She won’t lose to Kaizuka.

Slaine watches Lemrina leave with a heavy heart.

Circles, it’s as if events kept going in circles.

Another terran and martian conflict on the horizon. Being used and trying to use others in return.

And now, possibly Lemrina.

He’s sincere in liking her. His worry for her safety is real, as well as his wish that she leads a happy life.

And beyond that, he owes her so much. His apologies, his gratitude... perhaps as much as he owes Inaho, but for very different reasons.

And yet... the moment she asked him he surprised himself by the realization that he didn’t see a choice.

He will side with Inaho, even though he truly does not care more for terrans than he does martians.

Slaine groans and hides his head in his arms.

Lemrina and Inaho cannot have a fallout, he doesn’t want to betray her.

It dawns on him a minute later that he completely forgot to demand the identity of the guard.

He groans again.

“I...might have said some things Slaine may have found... excessive,” Lemrina cannot help but admit the minute she’s in the car with Rayet and Inaho.

Rayet raises an eyebrow, Inaho simply looks at her.

“I... may have told him my honest feelings for my sister.”

Rayet doubles over with laughter and Lemrina tries to look contrite but can’t help her smile. Inaho simple looks as usual; expressionless.

“Damn, I want details. What you said and his reaction.”

“I shouldn’t have done that to him. But I will say that... he didn’t take it well,” Lemrina concedes.

Inaho simply looks pointedly at her, and she feels a sliver of guilt.

“Why don’t you go there and talk to him now?” Lemrina suggests.

“Because you told me I couldn’t talk to him until this evening, to make up for telling him information he was going to find out about anyway and—”

“You’ve said your defense before,” Lemrina huffs. “Well, I’ve changed my mind. Go... comfort him or something. Rayet and I will leave and ask Yuki to pick you up later.”

Inaho’s brows crease. “You think I’m able to be a source of comfort for him?”

Yes, but you don’t deserve to hear that . “You might at least serve as a distraction. Go. Unless you don’t want to—”

He’s already leaving the car.

Inaho was worried he’d find Slaine in some sort of depressive relapse, but Slaine is sitting on the bed and, upon seeing Inaho, looks visibly relieved.

“Oh good, I was worried Lemrina had come back to say more. Or Rayet.”

“Rayet isn’t coming today. And Lemrina mentioned she made her opinion on Asseylum clear.”

“...She said she’s very adamant on revenge…”

“Ah.”

“And pointed out I would once have killed people for saying something like that in front on me.”

“Hm.”

“And called her a... a bitch.”

“Rayet’s vocabulary is rubbing off on her.”

“And that she is ungrateful, selfish, naive, stupid, uncaring towards her people and ruining their future.”

“...”

Inaho finds that ungrateful and selfish are debatable, and uncaring is incorrect, but the part about the martians seems perfectly obvious.

“No!” Slaine says hastily, when Inaho opens his mouth to speak. “I’m not asking your opinion on this. In fact, I’m asking you to please not talk about her right now. Or today. Or before you come back from your treatment…”

“We are going to have to breach that subject eventually,” Inaho says, placing a chair in front of Slaine and sitting on it. “One way or another, she is entangled in both planets’ politics and is a key component when considering the future.”

Slaine’s face crumples. “I know. I just... there’s no good choice to make here. Either I despair about my fate or I despair about what I did for her until now. I know it’s cowardly but I don’t want to face that for as long as I can.”

It looks involuntary, but Slaine begins to rub his wrist. Inaho stares at the gesture with mounting worry.

Slaine blinks when he realizes Inaho’s undivided attention is elsewhere and follows his fixed gaze. He stares at his own hands in confusion for a moment before comprehension dawns on him

“Oh. Oh , I didn’t mean…” he hastily stops the gesture and lifts both his hands up.

“You promised me,” Inaho says, accusatory.

He’s going to murder Lemrina.

“I did,” Slaine sounds contrite. “I won’t do anything like that until you’re back.”

That is not too reassuring. “Or after, either.”

Slaine chuckles. “I most certainly did not promise forever, since I can’t. But, seriously, I wasn’t thinking of anything that dark when I said that, and I’m not going to break my promise to you.”

Inaho stares at him intently, still suspicious; the subject of Asseylum has always been one of the most dangerous to Slaine.

Slaine chuckles again, lifts his hand and…

Inaho blinks as his brain shuts down in confusion. Slaine is patting his head.

“What are you doing?”

“Yuki was right, your hair is softer than it looks.”

“You’re verifying that information now?”

“Ah, no, sorry,” Slaine hastily retrieves his hand and Inaho regrets asking immediately. “It’s just that you looked funny, glaring at me.”

“Funny.”

“Okay, bad choice of words. Ah... cute?”

“...Cute. Have you been meeting my sister in secret?”

Slaine giggles .

“Sorry, sorry! I had a loaded talk with Lemrina, I suppose I’m still out of sorts.”

“I can see.”

“Don’t reprimand her for it. She only said the truth.”

“I won’t reprimand her for saying the truth.”

“Good!”

“I will berate her for not doing so tactifully.”

Slaine rolls his eyes. “Like you’re one to talk when it comes to tact. Anyway, believe me, I didn’t mean it like that. At all. I understand why you reacted so much, you don’t need to worry so much.”

“Possibly. And likely because while I don’t need you to sort out your feelings for her now, I need us to reach a decision on how you will be perceived to feel about her.”

“Huh?”

“I reflected on what you said yesterday, and I came to two conclusions.” He watches Slaine sit up straighter before continuing. “One is that I truly cannot come to a decision on what I want done, much less how, before I truly study the situation. In other words, I can only come to a decision after I’ve come back from my trip.”

Slaine nods.

“However, if you are correct, the person behind this insurgence plot will be coming to you before I am back, at which point you will be asked for your position in all this. Which brings me to conclusion two: we need to decide on how you should act around this person even if we don’t know what we want yet. And I assume your opinion on Asseylum will be brought up.”

“So... figure out the best way to present myself so they think... what we want them to think?”

“Precisely.”

“That seems complicated.” Slaine smiles. “I’m in. I assume you already have an idea you want to share?”

Inaho had, in fact, wanted to make several spreadsheets on it, but the information was too dangerous to be written down.

“I do. Over chess.”

“On it.”

There is an initial reluctance to Inaho’s stance that the guard not stay in his house, due to his sister. And it’s not as if Inaho can use the argument that a martian would be a danger to her.

Nonetheless, after conferring with one another the Council accepts it; something that comes as no surprise to Inaho and simply confirms Slaine was right about the true motive behind the request. Inaho is not even lightly reprimanded for his non compliance.

It is only a pity, Inaho muses, that the Council always elects one spokesperson to voice the majority decision; Inaho would have liked to hear what the individual opinions were, to see if he can discern who is in on the real plan or not.

House hunting will not be difficult in such an abandoned little town.

Harklight should be arriving within the next two weeks.

Klancain enjoys a rare sip of wine at his latest victory. Kaizuka had not understood his real intentions, and put Lemrina more easily within his grasp by sending her away from him. Oh, Rayet Areash would be there too, but she was one minor threat, as opposed to three pair of eyes.

It’s his checkmate this time, but he cannot waste too much time savoring it; the next part is quickly incoming.

With Harklight set to move in soon, Inaho will be leaving for his treatment... putting him away from Slaine’s prison, and making it the perfect time to finally pay him a visit.

He had briefly wondered if perhaps reaching out to Kaizuka first might be best, but he has since decided it’s best to go to Slaine first, in case a conversation with Inaho goes awry and he goes back to the prison earlier.

Yes, if he speaks with Slaine while Kaizuka is far away, there is a chance the terran won’t even know he went there... so long as Slaine doesn’t talk.

It’s flawless.

There is a sound from his tablet, and he glances at it to see another loose thread from his plans is finally moving forward, courtesy of his fiancée.

She... accepted both his suggestions.

It should make him happy, yet Klancain sighs with slight disappointment over her character; he had hoped she would have sufficient self awareness and respect for him to at the very least not immediately agree to his second suggestion. Did she think he hadn’t noticed her feelings?

Ah well, it’s best for his future if he has no reasons to feel any sliver of guilt for what may come.

And with Asseylum having settled that part... the only question that remains is if it will become Kaizuka’s demise or not, depending on with whom the terran decides to side with.

She watches the servants excitedly babble over the information, and nods as one informs her he has sent her fiancé the news.

She waits until they all leave to fall into a chair and sigh.

It’s settled. She has ordered the start of wedding preparations.

Of course, this doesn’t mean the wedding will occur anytime soon; which is why her fiancé had been insistently instigating her to start it.

Preparations would require diplomatic talks on where it would happen.

( She wanted to do it on Earth, next to its beautiful waters. Her fiancé, ever Mars-oriented, had been surprisingly compliant with that. )

A study of the location and building security measures would be necessary.

But most of all, the logistic of the wedding invitations would have to be thoroughly planned.

As explained to her by an aide and her fiancé, the invitations would have to be received at around the same time, to avoid misunderstanding—and the resulting strife—over who was invited. This would be, of course, quite a hurdle considering they had people in two different planets to account for.

( “But most martian royalty should still be orbiting Earth, so it should be fine!” he had assured her with a smile .)

And so, she had finally relented and given into his suggestion. After all, engagements are the prelude to a wedding; she cannot run away from that forever. Even if she would prefer that were the case.

Klancain is kind and solicitous, but Asseylum wants to marry for love and... he’s not that, for her. She sees him more as a close aide, really.

And maybe it’s because she despises having to make the decision so much that she had gone ahead and accepted Klancain’s second suggestions along with it.

She shouldn’t have.

(“Ah, speaking of which... I thought you seemed worried about security for a while now, that's why you had been delaying it, isn’t it? Please don’t shoulder everything by yourself. If it’s such a concern, why don’t you—”)

She really shouldn’t have. It’s not fair to Klancain, who surely didn’t know what it is he was suggesting.

(“Are you sure about this? It’s not fair to you, this list is for your men…”)

And how could he, when Asseylum had barely even seen Inaho in so long?

(“It’s fine! I’m sure having him there would help make you feel safe. And not just you, he will certainly make the whole thing safer with his presence! So when you do decide to start on the wedding, feel free to take me up on this. But if it makes you feel guilty you are taking my spot... we can trade and one of your bridesmaids will be chosen by me, how about it?”)

They’re going to invite Inaho to be one of the groomsmen. If he accepts, of course; he might not want the attention it will give him. But since she is going to ask his female friends to be the bridesmaids, he might accept spending some time with everyone…

She really, really should have refused but…

He does make her feel safe. And he has always rescued her before, and never cared for social conventions before.

It would be catastrophic, but she can't help but conjure a fantasy what it would be like for Inaho to stop the ceremony when he realizes it’s not the happiness she wants, and then be by her side to bring peace to Earth and Mars.

He has created miracles before, why not one more?

Slaine would stop it if he were there , she thinks, and is relieved that he won’t be.

There really is no apology good enough for this wait time. I am sincerely sorry that things ended up at this point, and I never wanted to take this long. I don't know if an explanation helps at all, so suffice to say it was a mix of ongoing personal issues and also writers block (as in, the conversation between slaine and inaho took 12 months to be finished, the rest less than a week).

I thank everyone who has continuously commented on this fic on ao3, as well as sent me messages here on tumblr. I read all the comments, and seeing all the love for this fic despite everything made me not think I might as well let it go after so long.

I will try to do better by all of you next time

And a special thank you to my poor beta as well, who had the most trouble with this chapter so far, what with all the loaded conversations

Onto actual fic notes now:

-Harklight: now that he's about to actually arrive in the story, I might as well give you a brief spoiler to assure any Harklight fans that I like him. I like him, and his character, and am not planning to turn him into something bad to forward the main ship. Of course, that doesnt mean he is 100% good either. He was, afterall, quite willing to go with Slaine's plan to destroy terrans.

-Speaking of which, it does seem like all the more manipulative characters are gathering, which makes for weird plot developments of everyone trying to trick the other.

-Mazuurek: my beta suggested making it clearer on the fic what the Mazuurek thing was, given how long it's been, but I felt it would spoil the flow. So to recap, Rayet promised to tell Mazuurek who the UFE used to get close to Count Mikael and kill him.

-Asseylum: she is hell to write. I dont like her character, so everytime I write her I have this fear I might be worsening an already bad character due to my dislike. Hopefully I didnt do this too much. As for her feelings towards Inaho...I always thought she liked him in the anime, and I couldnt fully remove that interpretation form the fic by this point. Though at least this one POV from her could still be interpreted somewhat as simply desite to be saved/protected. Does anyone have any strong opinions against assuming Asseylum loved him?

#aldnoah.zero #aldnoah zero #orangebat #inasure #az fic: in carcere #my fic

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the-eternal-captain-harlock · 7 years

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Captain Harlock & Miime: Musings on Isolation, Loneliness and Grief

(For the scope of the analysis I will be focusing solely on the Harlock/Miime relationship as it is portrayed in the 1978 Space Pirate Captain Harlock TV series. If you haven’t watched this anime yet, you really need to.)

“I am Miime; I am the woman who has given her life to Harlock.” - Miime, SPCH

It did not take me long into my sojourn into the 42-episode long self-contained Space Pirate series (and my first Matsumoto anime) to discover just how much I loved Miime, the tall willowy, mouthless, alcohol-swilling, harp-playing, soft-voiced alien woman whose relationship with Harlock is almost as meaningful and touching (in this series) as the relationship between Harlock and Tochiro.

Miime quickly became an exemplar of everything I wanted to see in a supporting female character. I already knew what I didn’t like: female characters who nagged, female characters who made the primary male characters awkwardly uncomfortable, who made them stammer, blush and act like idiots (if they were of high-school age) or forced them to supplant their ideals and opinions with their own, either through sheer bitchy determination or the pervasive ‘power of love’ angle (if they were older and *allegedly* mature). I didn’t know what I hated more: the female characters who ruthlessly and annoying imposed either their emotions, ideals or bodies onto their male counterparts, or, conversely, the male characters who allowed them to do so and conceded to the woman’s wills. I’ve always been more interested in fictional male protagonists then in female ones, and I always view the arrival of a new female character – be they hero or villain – into a novel or show with a certain amount of trepidation, owing to the drama they ineffably inflict upon that particular fictional universe, whether this is intentional on their part or not.

Miime was blessedly free of all of the above behaviors. Everything about her, from her simplistic yet elegant character design, to her voice, mannerisms and hobbies, spoke of maturity, of refinement, and, most important to me at least, the desire to be true to her own person, to remain herself, as she is the last living remnant of her race. Perhaps if she had been a human woman her relationship with Harlock would have been radically (an unsurprisingly) different, but as she is a Juraian, an alien, a literal ‘Other,’ she abides by her own codes of conduct and not once does Harlock ever request or demand that she alter her behavior towards him, just as she never tries to ‘change’ him, as most human woman would try to do.Thus she remains unique, mysterious and ultimately unknowable - much like Harlock himself.

And the relationship the two of them share is unique indeed. Harlock makes no demands upon Miime whatsoever. She has no specific duty as a crew-member of the Arcadia and is free to move about the ship as she pleases. She pours Harlock his wine, but not because she is his serving girl and it is her duty to do so; she plays the harp for him, but not because she is his court musician and it is expected of her. Everything she does for Harlock is for their mutual enjoyment. They do not ask or demand anything from one another, they simply do things together, organically and naturally, in complete emotional and physical freedom. They are perfectly at ease with each other, displaying no awkwardness or stress when together. Miime does not bicker with, fight with, flirt with, nag, challenge or impose on Harlock’s freedom in any way. She has pledged her life to him, even stating she would follow him into hell if he ever asked her to. Her devotion is total. Her loyalty is beyond reproach (1). Her relationship with the Arcadia’s brooding Captain puts her in the unique position of possessing true knowledge of his personality, allowing her to share her insights as to what kind of man he is with the other crew-mates, who are often confused by Harlock’s decisions and actions. She becomes his unofficial spokesmen and advocate and never doubts that he will accomplish his goals.

Likewise, Harlock confides in Miime, telling her his plans, expressing his occasional doubts and frustrations or simply reminiscing about the past, often over drinks. But Miime is not a merely passive character Harlock keeps around as a drinking companion. Miime proves her worth as a fighter, displaying competent shooting-skills and reveling hidden depths of power when Harlock is threatened. Unlike Tadashi Diaba, however, she is not learning how to become a warrior or out for revenge against the Mazone invaders. Like Harlock, much of her story has already taken place and she has already reached the pinnacle of her character development. To remain at Harlock’s side is enough; she has no set goals or plans like Tadashi, no ulterior motives or hidden agendas. Whatever else is happening to the galaxy at large is inconsequential as long as Harlock continues to wander the stars under his ‘flag of freedom.’ Calm, quiet and thoughtful, Miime stands unobtrusively by Harlock on the command-bridge, ready to give advice or make pointed observations, or fills his cabin with the soothing melodious music that relaxes him while the rest of the crew revels in the Arcadia’s corridors, living for the moment while their haunted Captain broods on the fate of humanity, vowing to fight to the end to protect the earth even as he bemoans the hedonistic apathetic state of mankind. Miime is the only one he truly confides in, and Miime repays his trust by simply being there and supporting him (sometimes even saving him), regardless of the circumstances.

But what truly bonds them? Why do they enjoy one another’s company so thoroughly? Why do they understand and respect each other so fully? What lies behind the simple dignified tenderness they display towards each other? They are not lovers; they display virtually no hint of romantic infatuation or physical attraction. Yet despite retaining their autonomy and personal freedom they still share a certain bond, an intimate relationship which seems to transcend both love and friendship. But this bond is, sadly, rooted in tragedy and grounded by the threefold components of isolation, loneliness and grief.

I: Isolation

One sad reality of Harlock’s existence is that he is an extremely isolated individual. Although the entire universe is essentially his sandbox and the Arcadia possess enough firepower to level cities and hold off entire alien fleets, Harlock never takes advantage of his considerable power and fearful reputation to make the rest of humanity do his bidding or live according his higher standards. Planet Earth is not a sheltering or welcoming place for the self-exiled space-pirate. Harlock has no wish to dominate, but he will not suffer himself to be dominated, so he endures the derision and scorn of Earth’s rulers and the constant harassment of the planet’s Defense Force with little genuine retaliation, preferring to roam the stars in hopes of finding his ‘final resting place.’ Despite having a homeworld and a people, Harlock, both by choice and circumstance, lives out a solitary and confined existence, with only those few chosen comrades who remain with him in order to fight for their own beliefs and carve out their own paths.

Miime shares in this isolation; for although planet Jura still exists her race has been completely destroyed in nuclear warfare and the following environmental retaliation brought on by the planet’s sentient plant-life. In a brief flash-back, a younger Harlock visits Jura and rescues Miime, now the last Jurian, from the plants and offers her refuge aboard his ship. Not only does Miime owe her life to Harlock, she also is allowed to live on his ship seemingly condition-free. Harlock has no utilitarian motives - neither practical or personal - for keeping her around. Miime does not cook or clean or fly Space Wolves or man any of the Arcadia’s guns; she is not a doctor, a scientist or a navigator. The bulk of Harlock’s otherwise human crew seem mostly indifferent to her presence; they do not compete for her attention or affection, nor do they make advances on her. Even aboard the Arcadia Miime remains in isolation and because Harlock also lives in voluntary isolation, spending most of his time in his elegant sterncastle drinking, brooding and playing his ocarina, their mutual situations and circumstances draw them closer together in a relationship built upon what is missing in their lives rather than what they have in common. They are both unique one-of-a-kind individuals, alone in a cold inhospitable galaxy that has little to offer them in terms of meaning and fulfillment. Even when together, isolation still dominates, for although Miime and Harlock spend a great deal of time alone behind closed doors there is always a significant physical distance between them. Both are heavy drinkers (Miime requires alcohol to survive, as it it is a natural part of her diet; Harlock is an alcoholic), but we never see them genuinely intoxicated and acting stupid, flirty or inappropriate with each other. In their isolation is also their liberty, for being who they are - free, above all things - they are under no obligations or expectations to behave in certain ways. Harlock and Miime have nothing to prove to each other or to anyone else. Their relationship remains fixed and unchanging amid a universe full of chaos, danger and constant strife. They can always rely on one another - their isolation is their safeguard and shield; perhaps it is not such a tragic state after all.

II: Loneliness

There is - or should be - a distinction drawn between someone who is physically alone and someone who is feeling lonely. For most people, the two aspects are one and the same. If there is no one around you, no one to talk to or interact with in some manner, this will be perceived by most as a negative state, one which they quickly rectify by either calling or visiting friends, chatting online or making plans for family gatherings and meaningful dates with significant others. To be alone with oneself, with ones’s own feelings, thoughts and memories without any distractions for an extended period of time, is hard for most people to handle - for most, but not all. I myself am an unapologetic loner. This is not due to shyness or social ineptness; I am merely extremely introverted. As I write this part of the article I am alone in the house (except for a sleepy old pit-bull) and I love it. This is the main reason I became so attached to Harlock and Emeraldas - they are both loners living according to their own codes and beliefs, following their own paths and perusing their own destinies (2). The Arcadia - which serves the duel purpose of being Harlock’s fortress, safe-haven and tomb - enables him to remain free and unattached to the rest of humanity, liberating him from the confines of mankind’s apathetic degenerate social state and allowing him to remain true to his own self and goals.

But although Harlock is a true loner and possesses a solitary nature, he still suffers from genuine loneliness from time to time, although the only other human he intentionally seeks out to spend quality time with is Tochiro’s seven-year-old orphaned daughter, Mayu, which he does at his own peril. Miime, on the other hand, suffers loneliness even more keenly. Harlock, at least, can draw comfort (however sparse), in that he actually has a home-planet and a race to protect (even if he wants nothing to do with them), while Miime is the last of her kind - the last Jurian. Her planet still survives but the Jurian civilization is now nothing but ruins overrun by hostile plant-life. There is no going home for her. Her family and friends are all dead. She is a dispossessed being, without home or people, adrift in a hostile universe. In order to alleviate her loneliness she cleaves to Harlock with a single-minded vengeance, offering him her life, going were he goes, aiding him in all the ways she can, never once standing in his way or making demands of him. “It is better to be with people you hate then to be alone,” she tells Harlock, after lamenting how she had hated her people for the destruction they had wrought, only realizing after they were all dead how much she missed them now that she is truly and utterly alone. Her loneliness is made all the more potent in that she cannot truly leave the Arcadia. Harlock’s human crew-mates can leave and return to Earth if they wish but there is nowhere for Miime to go and no reason for her to leave. But she does not view Harlock’s ship has a prison - she learns about its secrets, about Tochiro, and this draws her and Harlock even closer together. Both Harlock and Miime are alone (one mostly by choice, one entirely by circumstance.) but their shared emotional experiences (and their mutual love of wine and music) allow for them to form and maintain a relationship that dulls the pain caused by loneliness (and the isolation) and gives Harlock the space to engage in meaningful interactions with another that brings them both happiness. Loneliness is the driving force that keeps their relationship stable and constant for the entirety of the series. Neither Miime or Harlock take each other for granted. Both remain grateful for what the one does for the other. Loneliness has gifted them to one another, and, because of its overhanging spectre, their bond is further strengthened by the knowledge that what they have is something unique, something valuable, and ultimately, something that neither one dares to compromise - for if that should happen the loneliness would become unbearable and the isolation truly complete.

III: Grief

The entire Space Pirate Captain Harlock series is overshadowed by an atmosphere of quiet unshakable melancholy. It rests upon Harlock like a second cape, infusing all his actions and choices, unweakening in its hold on him from the first episode to the last. He is never freed from it, for this is a melancholy born of grief, of loss, and of a seemingly-futile yearning for what can never again be. Harlock is in a perpetual state of unending mourning – he mourns for an Earth whose natural beauty and splendor is fading with each passing year, he mourns for a humanity who has forfeited its dreams and visions of the future so as to live in a state of continuous apathy and sloth; but, above all, he mourns for the loss of his best friend, the man who never gave up hope either in humanity, the future, or even Harlock himself. Tochiro Oyama is dead (except in two flash-back episodes), and without that that spunky, optimistic genius-engineer at his side, Harlock’s natural inclinations towards pessimism and depression must be battled at every turn if he is to remain an effective apposing force in the fight against the Mazone. Harlock speaks in passing about ‘looking for a final resting place’ and about spending ‘a life wandering space, looking for a place to die.’ Harlock is a less hopeful and forgiving man then Tochiro, and is tempted often to abandon mankind and the Earth to its fate. But to abandon either of these things is, in effect, to abandon Tochiro himself, especially as his only child, Mayu, lives in an orphanage on Earth. To turn his back upon the planet and its people is to turn his back on Tochiro and his heirs and to scorn his friend’s dream of a better future. Almost against his will, Harlock denies Mazone Queen Lafresia the earth for Tochiro and Mayu’s sake, if nothing else, though he does wish to prove to humanity (who view him as a disruptive, peace-threatening menace to society) that he can and will protect them, regardless of his own negative feelings (or theirs). Prior to the Mazone’s arrival, Harlock lived a listless, goalless life of petty piracy, protected and entombed in a semi-haunted Arcadia infused with the soul and living brain-cells of Tochiro himself. His war with Queen Lafresia gives him a purpose again and rekindles his fighting spirit, but even when victory is achieved Harlock refuses to remain on earth; instead he self-exiles himself once more, leaving his entire crew behind, to continue wandering the stars - but this time, only Miime is allowed to accompany him.

If Miime is dominated by her loneliness (and her literal ‘alone-ness’) then Harlock is ruled by his grief; no-one, not Miime, Tadashi or even Mayu, can take the place Tochiro holds in his heart. Harlock does not desire wealth, fame, acclamation, status as a hero or even to be respected and appreciated. He fights successfully to secure a future for the Earth but he cannot be apart of that future – for Harlock desires only the Arcadia of his youth, his past life with Tochiro, the long-ago days when it was just two carefree young men seeking to live free and pursue their dreams. But those times of youth and adventure cannot be reclaimed. Tochiro is dead (though still present) and Harlock can do nothing but carry on without him. He keeps Miime at his side, and she follows him willingly into the dark and to whatever fate awaits them. Earth may have been saved and mankind given a second chance, but for Harlock, Miime and Tochiro there is no going back home. Home does not exist for them anymore. Their only true home now is the Sea of Stars, their only banner the Jolly-Roger, and a life lived in freedom their only sustenance. Miime vanishes with Harlock into the vastness of space, remaining loyal to him to the last, even as Harlock remained loyal to Tochiro’s dream, the three of them uplifting and sustaining one another in their long exile. It is not necessarily a happy ending, but it is certainly a fitting one, appropriate to the nature of its characters and in keeping with the series’ overall mood and tone.

Thus wherever Harlock may go, Miime will always be at his side, a true companion he can rely upon for comfort and advice. For Miime, Harlock will always remain her savior and provider, and her comfort and advice are gladly given, since they both retain their freedom - which is, ultimately, all they ask for and in the end, as long as they remain within the confines of the Arcadia, is all they are allowed to have.

(1) You can only imagine how pissed-off I was when in the 2013 Space Pirate Captain Harlock CGI film, after Yama replaces Harlock as captain, Space-Elf!Miime declares that her loyalty is to the ship rather than Harlock himself. Boy that made me mad - that among so many other things.

(2) Harlock’s, Emeraldas’s and my own personality traits in a nutshell.

#Captain Harlock #Miime #Harlock article #Space Pirate Captain Harlock #screenshots #leiji matsumoto #leijiverse

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