#however I've been complimented a lot on my long pretty hair

[lovverletters]

My Boy

《Yandere!Playboy X Taken! Male Reader》

Note that this is a reupload from my previous blog @hyerinrose

T/W : yandere behaviour, infidelity, suicidal thoughts, possessive behaviour, internalised homophobia, Obsessive behaviour.

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Everything was perfect. (Name) is content with the cards he has been dealt with in his life. He had a loving and supportive family, his academics performance were outstanding and most importantly he is dating the girl of his dream, Maya.

Although they had only been going out for a few months, (Name) could already picture a future with the girl. Call him a hopeless romantic but he can't help it!

"(Nameeeeee) you're spacing out againn. Am I that boring?"

Maya voice snapped him out of his thoughts.The two were currently on a date at an ice cream parlour. (Name) stared at his girlfriend who's sitting across the table, admiring her beauty.

(Name) might be biased but Maya is an absolute beauty in his eyes. Her long dirty blonde hair was tied into a braid and slung against her shoulder, green irises and specks of freckles complimented her already pretty face.

"It's not like that, Aya. You're so beautiful I can't help but be put into a trance" (Name) said with a smile that eventually broke into a grin as Maya grew flustered.

"Oh hush you! S-stop laughing at me (Nameeee)!

"Maya flicked her matcha flavoured treats at him, to which (Name) retaliated by flicking his own (F/Flavour) ice cream.

The display of affection between the two was ignored by many other except for one individual who stared at them with curious eyes. Sapphire eyes trailed over the couple that was absorbed in their own world, foolishly in love.

Xavier first reaction towards the couple was envy. He had been pursuing Maya for months to add to his ever-growing list of girls he had bedded. However he was always met with hard-cold refusal from her.

'She rejected me for this loser of a man? Unbelievable' He sneered in his mind.

He then observed the 'loser' Maya had chose over him. (H/C) flowed gently with the breeze, his (E/C) twinkled with happiness as he goof around with the girl. (Name) smiled brightly that it could put the sun to shame.

As he thought, Plain. Boring. Average.

The man were not even close to Xavier's level, he's practically a dirt in his eyes. Obviously Xavier is better than that loser? He's going to show Maya that he's better than him.

'No matter what, I'm going to take her away from you'

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Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

The sounds were numbing Xavier's brain the longer the hours dragged on. Half of the students were already asleep 10 minutes into the lesson.

He would've been sleeping too had he not been keeping his eyes trained on his rival who's only two seats away from him. Xavier swore he's only staring because he needs to find a dirt on (Name).

".... Mr (Name), you would be pairing with Mr Xavier for this project" His teacher called out the two boys' names causing both of them to stare at each other incredulously.

"With the pairings have been set, be sure to turn in your work by next week. Class is dismiss" the teacher wave them off and left the classroom.

The two boys had different feelings in being paired with one another. (Name) was devastated, Xavier seems like a dickhead who would force him to do all the work and take all the credits afterward. Alas, he had to push through anyway, the project was 20% of his grades.

Xavier however was elated, warmth spreads throughout his body at the mention of his and (Name)'s name together. Great! Now Xavier can spend a lot of time observing (Name) even closeㅡ

Wait. Why the hell is he acting like this? He's not into (Name).

He's after Maya! Xavier's not.. gay is he? No, he's not.

"Hey" (Name)'s voice jolted the player from his spiralling thoughts. His cheeks heats up and he could feel his heart speeds up.

'I'm just surprised is all. Nothing weird' he reasoned.

"What? Hurry up, I've got no time for nobodies like you" Those words slip out of his tongue easily as if he wasn't panicking with having (Name) this close to him.

The (H/C) male sighed through his nose and held out his phone. Xavier rose his eyebrow at the action.

"I need your numbers for this project. I'll delete it after we're done if it bother you so much" (Name) open his contacts to add Xavier's info.

Surprisingly, Xavier obediently agrees and handed over his phone for (Name) to input his own numbers with no complaint.

"Thanks. I'll contact you about the details later" (Name) then left him all alone in the classroom with conflicted feeling brewing inside of him.

'Damnit.. what is wrong with me?'

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A week went by and Xavier had made a ground breaking discovery about himself.

After constant denial of his feelings, he had finally came to the conclusion that the one he was interested in wasn't Maya. No, it was her boyfriend, (Name).

The short time they spent together were the push he needed to realise his infatuation with the male. All those things he described (Name) were the exact opposite of what he truly is.

(Name) was kind to him despite being reluctant to pair up with him early on, his sense of humour was immaculate. Xavier had never laughed so hard in his life before the jokes (Name) would crack while working through their project.

(Name) is perfect. He's everything Xavier had been looking for.

Xavier obsesses over the (H/C) male, stalking him, stealing little trinkets (Name) left by accident. Taking millions of polaroids and sticking them to his walls.

However Xavier was brought back to reality when they submitted the project. (Name) was never his, the time they spent together were that of a friends. Soon his beloved will go back to being around that pest of a girl.

His previous envy were now turned towards Maya. The time (Name) spent with her could've been with him. (Name)'s kisses should've belongs to him, (Name)'s affection and love should've belongs to him. (Name)'s everything should've belong to him!

Xavier decided that he had enough of this and will take things to his own matter. One way or another, (Name) will be his.

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(Name) felt tears welling up his eyes as he watches the video on his phone. It was all over the school, his girlfriend Maya had cheated on him with his friend, Xavier.

He closed the video and shut his phone off as he furiously wiped his tears. The students around him gave him a pity look, they wouldn't let this slide. (Name), the most sweetest guy is being hurt by his girlfriend?

They're going to make her life a living hell until she either moves away or take her own life.

Xavier approached (Name) who was sobbing in one of the stalls. The (H/C) took notice of this immediately and scrambled to walk away. He's not ready to face with the man he thought was his friend.

"Oh no you don't, (Name). Don't you dare run away from me!" Xavier pinned the boy on the stall. Leaving him no room to escape.

"Whatㅡ what else do you want from me?! You slept with my girlfriendㅡ what more do you want?" (Name) said while struggling under Xavier's surprisingly strong hold.

His breath hitches when the player got close to his face, their nose touching.

"You. I want you. Everything I've done is for you, (Name). I had to get rid of her since she was nothing more than a homewrecker! You belong to me (Name) and I had enough of seeing her taking things from you that were supposed to be mine!" Xavier were manic, his blue eyes were crazed.

"Whaㅡ" (Name) were terrified.

"Hey, (Name). I love you a lot you know? And I'm going to show you it~"

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[the-pixelated-pirate]

Request for Anon!

Hellooo lovely people! Sorry to keep you waiting, literally all year, but I'm back! I had a lot of fun with these because I've been in such a big Maji' mood <3 hope y'all enjoy!

Romantic Majima HCs ♡

WARNINGS/NOTES: NSFW under the cut, gender neutral reader w AFAB anatomy, Y1+ Maji' in mind but some hcs can still work for Y0 :3

REQUEST STATUS: Open!

REQUESTS LEFT: 3!

SFW

• Loves claw games, will win everything in the machine for you if you ask. On second thought, Majima would do ANYTHING for you if you asked

• Doesn't matter how long you've been together, Majima will always be flirting with you. He'll always finding something about you to compliment and makes extra sure that you know you're loved by him <3

• Plans the most sporadic dates. Always jumping the question when you least expect it. He found this neat looking sushi place a couple blocks from your place, what about dinner at 8? Tonight? Of course, tonight! He saw some kids eating some ice cream just now and it sounded perfect! You're not busy, right? Let's go!

• If you've got a job with the public, you know he's skipping out on his duties to come visit you. You work in retail, he's holding up the line to flirt and swoon over you. Your boss hates him

• He can't let anyone know that he's the biggest sap over his s/o. You've got him wrapped around your finger, Majima isn't sure if he enjoys it or not.

• Favorite moments are early in the morning, when you both first wake up. It's so domestic. Loves getting to cook breakfast with you, holding you close from behind and smooching you up <3 his kisses taste like coffee

• Plays into the "Mad Dog" nickname a lot, calling himself your "guard dog" and being positively feral and the slightest bit protective over you.

• Loves to bite. Anywhere. He'll leave marks, and end up maybe getting punished because he left a big ass hickey where clothes don't cover it

• Loves loves LOVES to cuddle. His favorite place to rest his head is your chest. Or your thighs, he ain't picky. He could cuddle you all day if you'd let him, especially after a bad day at work. Your fingers in his hair is an absolute dream

• Sings in the shower

• Has a notebook of important dates that he always keeps on him, so he doesn't forget them! Some dates include your birthday, and your anniversary of course!

• Turns into a big baby when allergies kick in. Now he's got you around, he begs you to take care of him. Let him bundle up in your bed, feed him some warm soup, massage his jaw when it starts to ache, won't you? You just love him so much, right~?

NSFW

• Okayyyyy.... Maybe it's a little indulgent... But he'd be so down to try pet play. Probably prefers calling you his little kitty/puppy, but it feels pretty damn good the other way around, too

• As much as it hurts to say. Look at him. I don't remember seeing a spec of hair on him, minus the facial hair. That mf waxes. Brazilian. And if I am misremembering... It just feels in character, ok

• Loves to see you dress up. Loves to see anyone in a suit or dress, if it's a special occasion he will find some place to drag you to so he can show you one hell of a time. Oh, the risk of getting caught? Just adds to the thrill, doesn't it?

• Switchhhh. Through and through. Can be a big bully, or he can be a big ole masochist. Loves pleasing, loves being pleased. Majima in the bedroom is very 50/50, everyone is happy

• Fav place to cum is. Anywhere on you. Ass, stomach, face. Will he clean it up... Probably. If you tell him to.

• LISTEN.... He's down for some freaky stuff... If you tell him to lick it up, he just might. He's always been pretty unpredictable, hasn't he?

• Loves rough sex. Nothing better. However he does have his softer spells. Will go easy on you if you ask. But you better beg, he loves listening to that sweet, sweet voice of yours

• All of my faves have voice kinks. Because I said so. Solidarity k 🤝

• Like mentioned he can get pretty cuddly afterwards, but he can still take care of you if you're wiped out. Just get ready for some hugs and a whole lot of smooching

• Okay. Crossdressing. Are you surprised. Making him wear dresses, making you wear something you normally don't.. just something about it

• ALSO. ROLE 👏 PLAY 👏 HE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FUCK YOU HARD AS THE HANNYA MAN. AS A POLICE OFFICER. GOROMI... WHOEVER. OK

[vampkittyxoxo]

Hi omg i love your work so much 😭 English is not my first language so sorry if this doesn’t make any sense 😭 But can i request chester x fem!reader nsfw hcs ?? If u don’t write nsfw that’s fine pls ignore this sorry 🙇‍♀️😭🙏 but anyway tysm!!! 🌸

Thank you! I've been waiting for my first nsfw request, I guess it was only a matter of time.

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Chester x fem!reader NSFW headcanons

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~ You're probably not his first, but he's still a little inexperienced. Just be patient and he'll really get the hang of things by the third try.

~ He's very giggly during foreplay, always showers you with kisses and compliments you between them.

~ Hold him between your boobs. Even if you're flat, he doesn't care. He loves it SO much regardless.

~ His tongue work? Phenomenal. He loves going down on you and working his magic until you're practically screaming.

~ He doesn't mind receiving head, and he thinks you're so fucking hot when you're giving, but he just doesn't see much of a point to it. He'd much rather be giving head to you instead.

~ Chester takes his time with you, really making sure you're comfortable (and wet) before taking things further.

~ He sits at a healthy 6.4", not necessarily something to brag over but it certainly gets the job done ;)

~ He prefers missionary so he can see your pretty face and kiss you lots and lots! But, he is always up for other/new positions. Just ask and he'll try just about anything, no matter how impossible it seems.

~ He takes things pretty slow at first, most of the first 5 minutes of actual sex being slow movements and lots of kissing. He likes to bask in the wonderful feeling before giving in to his hormones completely.

~ Chester tries his best not to hurt you, but he may slip up sometimes. It's never anything terrible, just maybe pulling your hair too hard or holding on to you too tightly. Don't worry, he makes up for it with many many cuddles and some funny cat videos during aftercare.

~ Kink-wise, he's willing to try most things, just... nothing too weird. Nothing you would find on some gore/shock website from 2009.

~ Chester has quite an open mind, which... leads to many kinks. Hear me out, but I think he would be very into degrading, whether it be him or you that's doing all the mean talk. However, he does appreciate praise every now and then, too. Call him a good boy-

~ Pull his hair and he's a whimpering mess underneath (or even on top of) you. He will never admit he likes it, though.

~ He prefers being dominant, but will absolutely no questions ask let you dominate him if you ask or act upon it.

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I hope this was long enough... I'm not very good at judging if something is content-filled enough haha.

[spooky-bunnys]

can you do another male reader X hikaru Hitachiin? maybe like the reader is an artist and Hikaru finds him doing graffiti in a hidden spot in Ouran? idk where it would go from there but i think itd be neat if he joined in or smth :) (take it however you want im sure whatever you write will be super cool!)

Thank you for the compliment! This was fun to write. You know I tried doing graffiti. It's a lot harder then others make it out to be. Enjoy!

Hikaru Hitachiin x Male Reader

Graffiti Artist

When Hikaru heard about someone graffiting the school he wasn't surprised. He knew people get bored. When they get bored they do something to get unbored. So he wasn't surprised. No what surprised him was how much detail was in it. It was of a forrest. Trees, bushes, and a trail. He had seen some of the graffiti on his way to the club.

He could tell the person who made this was really into art. This type of detail took time and skill. Such skill that he knows took years to have. He remembers asking his mom how she got so good at designing and drawing the clothing she makes. "Time and effort. I've been drawing for as long as I can remember." Drawing never caught either twins attention.

But Hikaru always had an eye for detail. At least that's what his mother always told him. When he heard the graffiti artist hit again he brushed it off again. He had more important things to do. At least that's what he thought until he actually saw it. The graffiti art this time was Koi fish. The way the artist had made them looked like actual koi fish.

When the artist sticked a 3rd time Hikaru was excited to see what was drawing this time. This time the artist had graffitied the wall outside the club room. This time it was a beach with a beautiful sunset. Hikaru could stare at the artwork for hours. He took out his phone and snapped a photo. He should've tooken pictures of the other two.

A week later Hikaru was taking a walk out in the rose garden behind the school. It was peaceful. The only thing you could hear was the sounds of birds chirping and spray paint-wait. Hikaru froze. Spray painting? The graffiti artist! Hikaru hurred towards the noise. He had to know who was the artist. When he arrived he saw what was the most amazing artwork he'd seen yet.

It was of a single rose. The rose was covered in thorns. Ivy surrounded it. It wasn't finished yet but it was already breath taking. He heard a can shaking. When he turned he saw a (height) tall male. With (color) hair and eyes. He was (short/tall) for someone Hikaru's age but....he was breath taking too. He could see how bright the males eyes are.

How happy he looks spray painting. Hikaru released a breath he didn't know he was holding. The males head snapped in Hikaru's direction and he froze. Eyes wide with fear. He'd been caught. The male grabbed the bag that was by the wall and took off. Leaving a can of red spray paint. Hikaru tried calling out to him but the male already disappeared.

Hikaru picked up the can and on the side written in black fancy letters was (N. Last Name). Hikaru nodded his head. He now had a mission but first. Hikaru looked up at the wall. He had a piece to finish. Hikaru shook the can and got to work. Finishing the rose. Looking around once in a while to see if anyone had came out.

Half an hour later Hikaru heard foot steps and froze. He whipped his head around only to see the guy from earlier with a blush on his face as he stared at the wall. "Y-You finished it?" Hikaru nodded with a smile. "Yeah. I'm a pretty big fan of your work. I thought such art didn't deserve to go unfinished. I'm not as good as you, but my mom always told me I had an eye for details."

The guys nodded and looked away and took a deep breath. "Thank you. I'm (Name). (Last Name) (Name.)" He stuck out his hand. Which was covered in green spray paint. Hikaru smiled brightly and grabbed his hand. "Hitachiin Hikaru. Nice to meet you (Last Name)." Hikaru looked at their joined hands and laughed. They were both covered in spray paint. (Name) looked down and join in the laughing.

"We might wanna go and clean ourselves before we're caught." Hikaru nodded. "Yeah. Although I'm kinda screwed. I have club in about an hour and I don't have an extra uniform on me." (Name) looked shyly to the side. "You can have my extra uniform. It's in my locker. It's by the host club room." Hikaru's face lit up. "That's my club!"

(Name) looked surprised before smiling brightly. "I have a close friend in th club! Kyoya!" Hikaru froze. Perfect student Kyoya was friends with the graffiti artist? (Name) knew the look Hikaru was giving him causing him to laugh again. "We're neighbors. He knows about the whole graffiti thing. He's the one who gave me permission to graffiti the wall outside the club room!" Hikaru was even more shocked. Kyoya gave him permission?

"It gave him more customers." Hikaru nodded. That sounds like Kyoya. "Hey you did a good job finishing my piece. We should graffiti together again sometime." Hikaru smiled and nodded. "I'd love to make more art with you." (Name)'s face exploded with heat. Hikaru looked confused before he remembered what he said. "W-Wait! Not like that!" (Name) shook his head and laughed harder and Hikaru joined in.

Maybe in the future (Name) could help Hikaru with the family business. If they're still close by then at least. Hikaru blushed at his thought. Yeah...maybe one day.

[hyunjinsbelovedamericano]

The moon and the sun

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Angel felix x reader,angstyyyy,reader is suicidal,

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You used to be happy,you used to be able to enjoy life freely,you used to be able to smile,you used to be able to talk.So where did it all go wrong?

Well,you know where it did,you were happy up until high-school,leaving your old friends and starting a place full of strangers went worse than you expected.No matter how hard you tried,no one included you.You were just left to the side like a dirty rag,everyone had their person but you.

Eventually,your only friends outside of school ghosted you.They just never replied to any of your messages, maybe their phones were broken?You thought but as time went by you realised they probably got bored of you and saw you as burden,just an extra person who they don't need.

Life was lonely,you had no one.No one to laugh with,no one to complain to,no one to call a friend. No one at all,is this a punishment?Were you a murder in your past life?You must've have something to earn this type of treatment!Watching everyone have someone to hold hands with and talk to,seeing your old friends post pictures with your replacement hurt harder then being hit with bricks.

What did you do to deserve this?

As time went by,nothing changed.It was an endless cycle of pain you were going through, every spark of hope inside you was destroyed.Nothings new.

You walked to a nearby park and plopped on the bench,staring off into the sky admiring the stars that decorated it.The last few years of your life you felt like a huge inconvenience,life would be better if you weren't alive,you were just extra weight someone had to carry,you weren't necessary or needed to be cared for.

Suddenly,you saw a shadow appear next to yours,turning your eyes to the side,they captured a beautiful young boy,his long blonde hair shaping his face perfectly.Freckles dotted all over his face,he was so mesmerising....

"The moon is so beautiful isn't it?"

His deep voice shocked you,how could such and innocent face pair with such a low voice?

However,you would be lying if you said you didn't like it. His deep voice was so soothing, if he sung a lullaby you'd fall asleep instantly.

"Mhm, it really is, too bad it only shines when no one sees it"

Little did you know, the man beside you was an angel who has been ordered to watch after you, he knew everything about you and your story. He was sent to fix you,he must fix what's broken.

"My names Felix, I've noticed you sat here a lot,just thought you maybe wanted a friend.. "

The man who you now know as Felix smiled, exposing his pearly white teeth and cute little dimples.

"How did you know I needed a friend?"

You questioned,was it that obvious?

"Well everyone needs a friend,even the sun and moon"

Since then,you and felix would sit in that same park on the same bench, at the same time to admire the stars.You couldn't believe it, you finally made a friend! Felix was all you could ever ask for,you two became inseparable. Physically and at heart, its almost like you two were magnetic.You and Felix stuck together every chance you got.

It was another normal night of the two of you stargazing, the moon laying in the mind night blue sky the shinning stars complimenting it.

"You know... You remind me of the moon" Felix commented, his eyes not leaving the crescent moon

"Really, why?" You turned your head to him, his elegant face now in your vision.The moonlight shining on his face, exposing all of his delicate features

"It only shows it's grace when no ones there to see it. Reminds me of you and your shyness. And all versions of the moon are pretty,just like you"

Felix's head turned to you,his eyes locking with yours

"The moon isn't all that, I'd say the sun is better,it can shine when everyone's watching. I'm jealous of it's confidence" you replied,you tried to ignore the warm feeling in your cheeks and the way your stomach was fluttering when he complimented you

"Yeah but.. Only the moon can bring out the stars at night" Felix said in a soft tone, staring back to the stars

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This was way past it's due date I'm so sorry about how slow updates have been recently :(

[robo--homo]

How to make friends

So I have a superpower: I am incredibly good at making friends with strangers. I can and have gone to bars/parties/events and, in the space of a couple hours, assembled a group of people to talk to out of complete strangers. All of my current friends are people I've met this way, including my best friend of a year who helped me get my job.

I want to give this super power to people, but it involved a LOT of therapy and restructuring my world view. Still; I am autistic and have social anxiety, so please don't think it's something you're not also capable of. At the very least, I can try and give advice for how I approach random people and turn them into friends. May you twist it and use it however it will help you.

Find a place for meeting people.

This is, of course, the first step. Find a place where people go TO meet people. Gay bars work great so long as it's not too loud you can't talk. You do not have to drink. You can go to straight bars if you're into that (this is a joke). Art exhibits. Poetry readings. Open mic nights. Parties. Anywhere that many people come and exist together on purpose. Coffee shops won't do it if there's not an event- most people don't go to coffee shops without a purpose, including "I'm going to sit here alone in peace". That being said, give it a try anyways; if there's one thing I've found in all my time doing this, it's that people are remarkably open to friendly conversation.

Find someone who's alone.

Maybe you can relate to this: you go out to one of these places, maybe you find a seat at a bar, thinking tonight I'm gonna make friends, and then nothing happens. You don't know how. You're too nervous. Have you ever felt like that? Then DING DING DING, congrats, you now know that other people feel like that. Use this to your advantage! Find someone sitting or standing around on their own and approach THEM. If you can muster up that confidence, other people will be so grateful you are able to initiate. You can absolutely approach groups, but I find that finding singular people is easier especially the first few times you try this.

Compliment and question.

Most people love a) getting complimented and b) talking about themself. It is human nature. Either one of these things will get you the kind of response you want, so find something you like about a person or even just something you think is interesting. "I like your Dr. Who shirt! Who's your favorite doctor?" "What's your drink of choice?" "Your hair is so pretty! Did you dye it yourself?" "Have you been to one of these events before?" Do some thinking before you approach and feeling prepared will help you bolster your nerves. Have a few more canned questions to move the conversation along once you've started (if it doesn't flow naturally): what do you do for work, hobbies, etc.

Don't be afraid of clear communication.

Even the most neurotypical cishet will usually respond well to you being open and honest about what you want; queer neurodivergent people will respond spectacularly. "Are you here with friends? Would you like a friend?" "Hey, is it okay if I sit with you? I'm just looking for someone to chat with." Etc. "Is it okay if I join you guys?" "I'm just trying to meet people." People love when you're clear with your intentions. This works for dating, too; I got my last boyfriend by going up to him at a dance club and saying "I can't figure out how to flirt with you but you're really hot."

Be prepared to bail.

I will not lie to you and say this approach works perfectly every time. That's not how people work; sometimes the vibes are weird, sometimes the other person ISN'T in the mood to make a friend, sometimes you're not meant to be friends. Again, having something in your back pocket will help you. Come up with a lie beforehand; pull out your phone and pretend to check a text, "Oh, my friend is looking for me, sorry!" "I didn't realize what time it is! I have to go!" Be polite! We're all robots programmed to give certain outputs, so even if you don't have a lie, just going, "Well, it was nice to meet you! Have a fun night!" can give you a perfectly acceptable way to leave.

Try, try again.

Out of the nine billion or so people on the planet, you're probably not gonna like half of them. Much like there are many fish in the sea, there are many friends! And some of them have nothing in common with you, or just don't match up with what you want. You have to go into this prepared to do it over and over again, because it can take a while to find the people with the heart of gold you will cherish for the rest of your life.

Remember: No one cares.

My personal litany against social anxiety is 'nobody will remember you.' It sounds bleak, but in terms of your little mess ups, it's extremely true! No one will remember if you spilled something on yourself. No one will remember if you stuttered a lot, or you said something awkward, or if you approached them and it went super terribly and you had to stumble away apologizing. At the very most, you are a funny tale of a stranger, but think about your own experiences from the other side- can you actually name any times that another person did any of these things in front of you? We don't record life's little mess ups in other people. A lot of times we straight up don't even notice them. The thing you are the most anxious about in yourself, there's a good chance no one else cares. Be kind to yourself. Worry a little less about the little things.

Like I said at the beginning, a lot of it is world view. I have found through my experiences that people are generally good, or at least generally friendly. Your experiences will be different, but maybe try thinking about things my way for a little bit. Humans are social animals. I talk to people on buses, in lines at stores, at coffee shops, everywhere. It's not just for making friends; a lot of these people are wildly different from me and I will never see longer than a few minutes, but it makes me feel more connected and more generally happy with the state of existence. Weird, funny little interactions still fill up your social meter, and they can make you feel like the world is a kinder place.

[afactaday]

#aFactADay2024 #1461: the FINALE part 1! see the master post or the Neocities landing page. the following post is best read on the Neocities website.

Is Conditioner Worth it?

Musings from someone new to the concept of long hair

Abstract

In numerous distinct but overlapping experiments, data was recorded on time spent brushing hair and washing hair, and other miscellaneous occurrences like compliments. These were cross-referenced and regressions were calculated to numerically evaluate various pros and cons of using conditioner on my hair, and thus evaluated all these pros and cons to find that it is not "worth it" to use conditioner as an additional product in my hair.

Introduction

I've been growing my hair out for around two and a half years now. It was short before, and it's long now. I only cut it once in that period, just a short amount this July to treat some split ends (it did not help). However, this is all a relatively new thing to me, and I've been using a very similar haircare routine before and after: a bog-standard 172-in-1 shampoo, and nothing else. In April 2024, as it was reaching a certain length, I considered that perhaps I ought to take more specific care of my hair now that it was a bit more conspicuous and lengthy. I wrote a small report to mathematically estimating the optimum frequency for using conditioner, optimising for quality per time invested (as there comes a point of diminishing return, surely). It concluded that, with the given information, that optimum frequency was zero - but I decided that I had factored in too few factors and a more in-depth analysis would be required.

Before we go on, here's some not-very-factual facts on hair conditioner. This is "A Fact A Day", after all. The Handbook of Cosmetic Science chapter 67 states that the primary purpose of hair conditioner is to reduce the friction when you brush/comb it. This is achieved by a long hydrocarbon that deposits on the hair to lubricate it. Beyond that, everything henceon is either poorly backed up or out of reach of my understanding.

Hair consists of a cortex and then 8-10 layers of keratinous cuticle cells that give it its most perceptible properties, such as shine and combability. When the hair is wet, these are at their most fragile and their most resistant, so they receive the most damage. Cells can get torn away, peeled up or chipped, contributing to high friction and thus further damage or lots of time needed to brush it. Here are two SEMs (scanning electron micrograph) of hairs that've been brushed 700 times while wet - guess which had conditioner on.

The core tenet of conditioner is that it reduces friction, particularly when wet, and this has knock-on effects that reduce damage to the hair (particularly important with long hair because the stuff at the end is virtually three years old) like split ends and so on. It gets a lot more complicated...

The following section on how conditioner purpotedly works is pretty much just a passage from Wikipedia that's riddled with "citation needed". I found some sources that back it up and some that don't, but it all sounds a bit dubious and a bit confusing either way. The hair follicle, where keratinous cells form, has a layer rich in cisteine groups that are mildly acidic. This deprotonates (loses protons, leaving it a negative charge) when you wash it, which attracts positive quaternary ammonia by standard "opposites attract" rule. These have long hydrocarbon chains pointing in all sorts of directions, helping to patch over sub-cellular chips and smoothing out the surface of the hair. Apparently it also means the hairs repel one another, reducing clumping, and reduce static buildup, reducing frizzing - but that all seems poorly backed up.

If you ask me, there's a lot of truth to what's been said, but when it comes down to it, it's mostly a cultural ploy - something something beauty standards, cosmetics industry, you know the usual sceptic leftist waffle. But to be honest, if you lean into that too far then you just shave your hair off because it's easiest. If I want to present myself as someone with long hair, I may as well present myself as someone with smooth long hair. Well, we'll get into that in a minute actually.

Before we go on, I'll just define specifically what I mean by a couple of terms: "short-term" is specifically about a day, "medium-term" is between a day and a week and "long-term" is, well, long-term. These periods do overlap and are used with vagueness, but these are the ballparks we're working with. Gotta be in the same "Language Game", as I once read in a letter.

Collection Methods

A log of when I washed my hair, when I conditioned my hair, and when I received compliments was made beginning in April 2024, shortly after the initialising report. I asked a friend to specifically increase the rate of compliments (proportionally, so as not to skew any daya), although this had limited success, as more compliments were obtained from others than from this friend. Each datum was simply a date; a time of day (morning/afternoon/etc) was also collected but not used. Where applicable, notes were collected: whom a compliment was from, how long it took to condition my hair, and similar.

Shampoo was used on a regular basis, almost always the same shampoo. Two different conditioner brands were used - one consistently up to roughly October and then a different one for the last couple of months (although no difference between the two was noticed, remarked upon anecdotally, or measured). The assumption when I condition my hair is that I've immediately just washed it with shampoo, and that was always the case in the logs, with the sole exception of once when I washed it with a bar of soap then conditioned it (this had no discernible change).

During the period of study leave in May-June 2024 for exams, a special intensive experiment was carried out. For 52 days between 2024-05-10 and the end of June, every time I brushed my hair was recorded, with a timestamp, a duration, stroke-number (how many brushes to brush the hair) and a note (eg, "just had a shower" or "tying my hair up rn", although these are obviously conformed to a finite list of options). It is to be considered that the fact of having to fill out a spreadsheet every time I brushed my hair may have disincentivised me from brushing my hair at some times, and thus the data seen through an absolute lens may not be properly representative. Anyhoosles.

Other factors that were more trivial to numerically evaluate included financial cost of conditioning and how long it takes to condition (time cost).

Results and Discussions

Beginning with the easiest to put a finger on, how long does it take to condition my hair? 300 seconds (to one sig.fig.). Five minutes. This includes everything that would be done (Standard deviation = 90 seconds: so pretty widely distributed; that is to say that it often takes a lot less or a lot more.) This didn't seem to vary significantly with frequency (i.e. conditioning one day didn't ease conditioning on another ay shortly thereafter) to a measurable degree; the greater effects lie in how much I can be bothered to focus on what I'm doing. For future reference, the minimum time it took was 180 seconds (2 sig.fig.s).

Secondly, let's evaluate the "aesthetic" benefit of conditioner. 15 compliments over the 8-month period were received. Compliments were cross-referenced with how long it'd been since I last conditioned my hair, and surprisingly the results show very little correlation. The mean time since the last condition on days where I received a compliments was greater than the mean time since the last condition on all days. That is to say, although the correlation was weak, it was negative. In other words, conditioning appears to make my hair uglier. This is a surprising result, but it did feel anecdotally as if most of the compliments I received occurred during the longer periods of no-conditioner. We can say that the effects of conditioner are small enough to be ignored after a certain point, and thus all "time since the last condition" values can be capped at that point (which is actually what I initially did) but no matter how you cut the mustard, the same answer is given. My hair looks better when it's less smooth. Or, it would actually be more precise to say that my hair elicits fewer compliments when it hasn't been conditioned in a while.

To grapple with the host of data collected during study leave, brushing data were split into "wet brushes" (after a shower, hairwash, rinse, etc) and "dry brushes" (all others). From the information gleaned in the introduction, we can expect wet brushes to yield the most distinction when conditioner is used.

However, this shows no immediately clear regression. There is one visible pattern, however: that the brushing immediately after using conditioner was invariably lower than the average. It seems to trend upwards for a few days before becoming more random than helpful. Capping it at a certain point as we did previously finally lets us put a number on this: if we cap at 5 days, we get a statistically significant least-squares linear regression! This has a gradient of 2, i.e. every day after a condition takes two seconds longer to brush than the previous, up to 5 days. The real case is likely more complicated than this linear model (it was originally modelled exponentially in the April report), but that matters little: based on this model, the maximum time that a hairbrush could save is 30 seconds spread over five days. Half a minute - a tenth of the average time taken to actually condition the hair, and a sixth of the best-case time.

The first plot immediately above shows the dry-brushes counterpart to the previously-discussed plot. No statistically significant regression, however we cut the mustard, is elicited. Basically, conditioner doesn't make it easier to brush my hair when it's dry. The second plot immediately above shows the time spent total per day brushing; this is quite a different measure, as some days I brushed my hair just once and some days five or more times. Since the time taken to brush once is independent of time since last condition, and the number of times that I brush my hair in a day is usually related to what sort of thing I'm doing and thus is also unrelated, we'd expect no pattern at all. That's what I first saw in the data, but there is apparently a statistically significant negative regression. That is to say, according to the data collected over these two months, using conditioner more frequently seems to decrease the quality of the hair, meaning it takes longer to brush. This is likely an anomaly caused by an underlying bias or similar (even though the R-value is statistically significant, p<0.05), but it does rather significantly quash any idea that investing time into conditioner pays off in the long run.

The two benefits of using conditioner that I thought would exist (aesthetic and mid-term time-savings) turned out to be less than negligible. This is a rather conclusive answer that, no, it is not worth it to condition, by quite a significant margin. However, I collected all this data so I may as well flex about it a little.

Beginning with the easier factors, the financial cost of conditioner was surprisingly low. I have quite a lot of hair (it's thick and long) but I usually used around a teaspoon, occasionally more. The stuff I buy in the quantity I buy it in only costs 9 pence per teaspoon - working at UK minimum wage, that's equivalent to about 28 seconds' work.

Niceness to the touch, fondlability, and similar texture-related factors are difficult to quantify, but from anecdotal evidence this does improve in the short-term with conditioner, but not in the medium-term, as is evidenced by the very weak correlation with brushability discussed. Either way, this effect is so relatively small in comparison to the large time-cost.

Seeing as I have about 200-odd data just lying around, I may as well give you a couple of graphs.

Brushes labelled with "after shower" are the "wet brushes" - this includes after just a hair wash or a bath or whatever. The blue section was the largest "reason" for brushing my hair as this happened guaranteed every single day - the first hairbrush of the day, having just spent eight hours in bed messing it up on my pillow. Before and after tying it up were also common reasons enough to elicit their own segments, and everything else falls into the "top-up" category, which encompasses all the little bits and bobs that accumulate over the span of a day and get annoying by the end.

It may have seemed arbitrary to split brushes by "wet" and "dry", but these two types of "brushing events" have very distinct patterns, as shown in this scatter plot between the number of strokes and the time spent:

Wet brushes weren't inherently slower - there is some overlap between these two clouds, although their centres of mass are very different. You can easily guess which cluster corresponds to the dry brushes. These took on average 21 seconds and their regression has a 1.2s gradient (corresponding to roughly 1.2 seconds per stroke) and a very small intercept of 2s (probably corresponding to moving the hair brush between hands, and tiny little things like that which are constant every time). The wet-brushes cloud had an average duration of 81 seconds and a gradient of 0.64 seconds, meaning each stroke was on average twice as quick when my hair was wet. This seems at first counterintuitive (why are strokes quicker when the hair is trickier to brush?) but instead points towards a significant change in technique when brushing wet hair. This technique (anecdotally speaking) is slightly more energetic, involving lots of short brushes towards the ends of the hairs. There was also a significantly greater offset (~26s), which points towards a constant number of strokes that have a different rate. In other terms, the technique used for dry hair was also used on wet hair, after using this "quick" technique. This is somewhat logical if we look at the graph, and see that following the trend line down, it takes a corner at around 25 strokes, where it changes from the wet-brush gradient to the dry-brush gradient. I sound like a painter.

Since these data point to a more vigorous technique to a non-negligible degree which clearly affects multiple factors, there's an argument to be made that this is the fact that's worth targeting. To improve and optimise everything about my mop, perhaps I ought to focus on how I brush after a shower. As per the introduction, the hair is most fragile yet most resistive when wet, thus must vulnerable. Conditioner does indeed have a medium-term effect on the smoothness of the hair, which is reflected in how long it takes to brush it (as per the previous graphs) but will also reduce damage to the hair. The effect was small in the medium term (not enough to incentivise based on time or aesthetics), lasting around five days, but slightly more marked in the short-term, as is shown in the graph below. The red datapoints are immediately after using conditioner (short-term), and the darker blue points are in the medium-term, specifically 1-4 days (chosen as the period over which conditioner was shown to have a trailing effect).

As can be seen here, the short-term effect of conditioner is much greater than the medium-term effect (even though the products claim to be longer-lasting than is observed here, and a longer-lasting effect is agreed upon by cosmeticians). This is a slightly different story now that we're working to solve a different problem: no longer are we worrying about "is conditioner worth it" in the medium-term (as the title of this article should have read) but rather minimising damage to the hair.

What should be done to minimise damage to the hair in the long-term needs to be investigated in more depth. Conditioner helps in the short-term but less so in the medium-term, although this effect is yet to be conclusively evidenced. The greater question is, how much does this really matter? How much will this aid the health of my hair (e.g. preventing split ends) and thus improve the joy in my life? This is a question that requires a much greater experiment, somehow exceeding the 8-months of this one. It's a very difficult thing to plan, having just one head of hair and no proper control over so many factors, to the point where I'd hazard to say that it's impossible to do this larger-scale investigation. It's with a heavy heart that I end this discussion with almost exactly the same sentiment with which I ended my report all the way back in April: no, but maybe even more science will help!

While I have your attention, if anyone has any idea what to do with all the data that I have, please let me know! I'm sure there's more science to be done on it all, or if you think that there could be some fun other statistic to collect over time, just let me know - I'm sure I'm game! My hair log was unfortunately one I'm planning on stopping in the new year, to focus on other logs, especially because it was started to run this experiment which will reach its conclusion in about 26 words. If you have any ideas or thoughts whatsoever regarding the data or statistics mentioned in this article (or any other!), I'd love to hear them!

Conclusion

To answer a more specific version of the question in the title, no, conditioner is not worth it in the medium-term. This article exposed lots of interesting trends, as well as fun facts about conditioner. (Is that not what this is about, ultimately?) One of the more interesting revelations was the notable ramifications of the different technique used to brush wet hair. The information given in the introduction hints at a major long-term effect (speaking in terms of years!) of this technique, which is more energetic and possibly destructive, but the scale of which is unknown. The effect of conditioner on this is also not known and unestimatable. The only answer to this question that can be given is, we need more data! (As is always the way.) Moving forwards, the number one focus has shifted off conditioner as a product and onto hairbrushing.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on what I can do with all this data that I don't feel has been used to its full extent herein. I'd also love to hear your thoughts on this article in general, or the "fact-of-the-day finale" series, a component of which it forms.

[vintersang]

❛ woah , so you can control and make ice ? that's super cool ! that has to be a pretty amazing thing to have , woah hold on a second . are you a magical girl by any chance ?  ❜

unprompted ask / always accepting! / @hogarsis

"Yes, I can control and make ice... Well, ice and snow. Have you heard about my ice palace?" She holds back on mentioning Olaf and Marshmallow, simply because she didn't want to overwhelm her. She also didn't want to encourage the girl to ask if she could make her a friend. It wouldn't be the first time she was asked to make a friend from snow for someone. A lot of Arendelle's younger children were bound to ask her for such things, but she quickly distracted them by making them gifts made entirely out of ice.

Elsa smiles at the little pun she hears from the awestruck girl's lips, natural and not forced at all. She is instantly reminded of both Olaf and Anna at the same time when she gazes down at this stranger. She doubts the younger girl intended to make a joke, but she still found herself smiling. She is quite positive that both Olaf and Anna would love to meet this new guest, simply because she has that same energetic personality. Anna, she imagined, would no doubt love to have a younger sister.

Their parents were lucky enough to be blessed with two children, but Elsa always got the impression that Anna always wanted to have a younger sibling... She got along with so many of the children in Arendelle. She was always the perfect sibling in Elsa's eyes, so she has never wanted any other siblings. The blue-haired girl standing before her looked too young to be traveling all by herself. She should be guarded, safe in the arms of a family member...

Yet she is, all alone.

She wields a very fine-looking sword, something Elsa is very quick to take note of, but she is still hardly prepared for Arendelle's colder climate. How is she not shivering from the cold yet? She must have very tough skin to be able to last this long by herself, a very strong soul. That will simply not do, Elsa quietly decides to herself. She knows very well that it's a good thing to be armed in such a dangerous world, even if Arendelle is one of the more safer places to be. But it isn't always the most warmest of places, not during the colder seasons anyway.

Her clothes are strange, something that would never be seen in Arendelle, but Elsa can still appreciate good fashion when she sees it. The material is very fine, including the color palette, yes... But it is hardly the right clothes for someone to be wearing on such a cold day, especially that insanely short skirt. Feeling her big sister instincts kicking in, Elsa automatically hands the traveler her dark blue cloak once she slowly unclasps it from her body. It was only for show since such cold weather never bothers her, something to wear to not feel so out of place in a crowd of cold citizens. She instantly decided the velvet cloak would be better in the care of someone who needed it.

"A magical girl?" The question throws her off guard...

"I've never been called a magical girl before, but... I suppose I am? I'm a female and magical, after all. Is that what you mean by magical girl?" Elsa asked, feeling like she is missing something very important... Her smile, however, does begin to fade away as confusion starts to settle upon her face. She tilts her head to the side, pondering on the question.

She has been called many things in the past, but a magical girl is a first for her.

"I know you are very impressed with my power, but I'm more impressed with how you can wield such a fine weapon at such a young age. Are your parents skilled in swordsmanship as well?" Elsa inquired gently, skillfully directing the topic back to Sayaka. It's a geuine compliment and question, but she also wants to find out more information on this lone girl. Elsa, however, knows how delicate serious conversations can be at such a young age. Girls, growing girls, needed to be handled with a delicate hand.

"I do apologize for asking this, but... Is that truly your natural hair color? It looks beautiful. I've never seen someone with blue hair." Elsa added, unable to help herself from asking such a question.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Feeling pretty

As I said in a previous post, I've never been a big fan of style and makeup and jewelry and clothes. I find it overwhelming as an autistic person.

I do like looking pretty though, and I am pretty irl (I won't show what I look like but I've received a lot of compliments on my looks in my life). However I just don't care about makeup, style, and accessories.

That's fine in one aspect, however part of it comes from insecurity and the lack of confidence, this being something I want to work on.

I do my hair (cut and color) and get skin treatments (facials) professionally. I do my eyebrows and hair removal at home, as well as nails (I feel I know how to do these myself and going to a salon will cost unnecessary money). A light warmtone color is good. And biotin helps with keeping nails long and strong. I do go to the dentist for professional cleanings but I use whitening toothpaste and a high quality electric toothbrush at home. I also had braces and wear my retainer every other night.

I would like to look into clothes and flattering things to wear. I lost a lot of weight and would like to lose maybe 10-15 extra pounds (not a lot but just enough to remove some tiny extra layer of fat covering my back, legs, and stomach). I do not want to calorie count or do strict workout routines. I want to cycle fast and brisk walk. Doing this continuously will help me shed more fat. Of course combined with an anti-inflammatory low sugar diet. Clothes will look better on me when I'm thin.

A lot of this is rooted in basic health and some fun (salon and spa treatments).

My skin is much better now and am minimizing my exposure to allergens and am getting allergy shots next week. I'm so happy I identified the root cause of my inflammation.

I have a fragrance i like that's light and refreshing, but I'm waiting on my skin to heal before I can apply some.

Wearing a good lip balm can keep them looking healthy and plump (one that won't irritate my skin, lip skin is different from skin everywhere else on the body and is more sensitive). Not petrolatum.

I don't have the best posture in general and I always touch my hair and face (I'm autistic so I love picking and scratching dead skin).

It would help to work on my posture in general. Not just for looks, but for back health in general (want to keep it in good shape as I get older). Yoga can help with this. Losing 10-15 lbs will help with my health and I can look into clothes, but clothes I know I will like and feel comfortable in.

I updated my skin care routine based on my recent seb derm diagnosis. So my skin looks better now, less red and greasy. I can look into makeup, it's just that I don't like wearing it.

I'll see, for now I'll maintain all the stuff I already do. Future goals would be to focus on posture and lose 10-15 lbs. Then clothes and makeup but ones that I would actually like and feel comfortable in.

[floppyhatwitch]

Last new year's eve, I made a resolution that I would learn to draw by drawing one page every day of 2023. I was meant to post this recap on January 1st, but it turns out that I have like a full thesis worth of infodumping about this project, so it got pushed back. Art dump time! <3

(editor witch here. This post is LONG. Like, tumblr-can't-save-the-draft-properly long. I've decided to split this into multiple parts to mitigate formatting issues and pulling my hair out when it inevitably comes out wrong. This is part 1 of 2)

Long post incoming! Art under the cut :)

First off we have the OG, the Day 1.

I try not to pass judgement on my earlier works, because getting more confident with drawing was the entire point of the resolution. However, I can definitely say I've improved a whole bunch since then. It's basically just copied from reference material and the proportions could use a little work.

Fast forward to Day 11 where I had the first piece I thought was kinda good.

Still goes pretty hard tbh. Love a good beholder.

The first piece I ever got a compliment on was this goopy texture text stuff.

Unfortunately since all the early drawings were done in pencil, a lot of them have been ravaged by the unholy nature of graphite smearing.

Day 49 is another one of my favourites, I'd just won big in a no stakes poker match against my mates and thought I'd celebrate with a rendition of Mr Green.

On Day 100 I decided to draw my top 100 favourite pokemon. It took SO much longer than I anticipated, but I still think it was worth it.

After passing the Day 100 mark I thought it was about time to start varying my materials, so I gave pen drawing a go.

I learnt crosshatching and absolutely loved it, it's still a staple technique whenever I go for pen exclusively, highly recommend.

By Day 121 I was fed up of fumbling MY way through drawing faces so I decided to really crack down and try and learn.

As you can tell, it was a long and arduous journey.

By Day 125 I had filled up the first sketchbook and started a new one. As has become tradition, I decided to draw V2 again to see if I'd improved.

While still not my best (that one's coming up) I'm definitely a lot happier with how this one turned out compared to the first. Being able to see how I'd improved gave me so much inspiration to keep going.

Day 136 was the first time I decided to crack out the coloured pencils, so I commemorated the occasion by depicting one of my homebrew DnD deities bring colour to the material plane.

Banger after banger Day 137 is still one of my favourites. One day I'll make it into an album cover or something.

Jeff Bezos exploding in space because his stupid fucking cowboy hat isn't pressurised at all.

Day 142 I started experimenting with including the day number in the art itself, which was a trend I continued throughout the rest of the project.

After seeing Across the Spiderverse, I couldn't just not dedicate two pages and 4 hours of my life to making a tribute piece to the film. I still absolutely adore it, it's easily my second favourite film of all time (right behind the first one).

On Day 163 I recreated the Creation of Adam with my hand and my son.

This is my son btw:

I love him dearly and he is an excellent muse (he sits so still!)

Anyway so the next day I drew my top-secret creative process since so many people were asking for it.

Gettin naked and eating paint in the forest, duh.

Day 178 I made a spidersona, which is kinda my first ever OC? Like official one anyway.

Gave him a spruce up and a colour for ArtFight (which is SO FUN OMG)

Day 183 was the halfway mark (if you round up from 182.5) so I had to pay homage to the modern classic.

The face is my favourite bit.

Speaking of ArtFight, I made a whole cast of characters for it! I was a little apprehensive to participate at first, since I still wasn't super confident in my abilities, but it turns out that the community is super welcoming <3. If you wanna see the whole shebang you can check out my profile here, but my most popular character was Alice.

Which is awesome because we need more rollerblading rep in this world. We have Jet Set Radio and Ramona Flowers, but we need MORE.

I went to see the Barbennheimer double feature and had the time of my life during it, so I had to go home and make art of it.

Come to think of it, I use art to commemorate a whole lot of stuff. Isn't that neat?

On Day 221 I had just finished my first real short film for school and I was so happy I had gotten it all done. It was like 30,000 words of documentation, 7 months of work and I had to act as a man in it (damn you gender binary!) So I personified the relief of completion as the spectacle of gratuitous violence.

On Day 230 I finished Act II of Ultrakill for the first time (which at the time was the full game) and I couldn't get over just how hard Gabriel's monologue goes so I had to draw my favourite intro ever.

I still haven't played layer 7 though so no spoilers pls.

My son again! This time he's posing like Kali Uchis in her album "Sin Miedo (del Amor y Otros Demonios)" I won't pretend like I understand what that means, but the album sounds so beautiful and the cover is to die for so I put my son in there.

Day 235, the first full appearance of Spider-Girl. She's talking to her friend (Batman Beyond) who is trapped by the Riddler and forced to write a analytical essay of 12 Angry Men. Fun little detail with the day number is that Doc Ock actually threw the D at Spider-Girl as an attack.

frog cowboy :)

I don't remember drawing Day 244, but I think it's actually really nice. Like an abundance of material slowly being wasted on someone hesitant to accept it or something. Idk I was probably sleep deprived to hell.

It's kinda pretty right? Some little art fairy must have broken in an done it for me

DAY 252! A momentous day. It was my second time switching sketchbooks and so I had to give V2 another crack and...

Still my favourite drawing of V2 I've ever done. Getting the ricochet coin in there as a framing tool is just so slay.

On Day 254 the pen I was using to take notes at school was finally laid to rest. I captured its final lines in this piece.

It's actually kinda moving. That pen was so good.

This is the part where I circle back and remind you that this is too long for one post, so check out part two here

[sy-tech]

1.) I have a lot of comfort characters. I have had many more. However, the one I've easily had for the longest time is Nick Valentine from Fallout 4. Despite the fact I was well into my teens when I first knew of his existence.

2.) My favorite color is Cyan and, yeah-yeah I know I can just say "blue", but there's a specific color of cyan that I like in any shade. Why? Because it just feels like me and that the color is actually pleasing is great. Especially because I have a rocky relationship with loving myself and having something about myself (despite how abstract it is) be so aesthetically pleasing is so nice.

3.) I think my dream hair for me rn is to have it long enough to braid (And to actually wear braids) but short enough to read as masculine. As for color I really do like my natural hair color (Yes hello pumpkin orange ginger here.) However, I always wanted to have streaks of blue and black through it.

4.) Honestly? Spanish. Which I am learning. Took high school courses and try to keep all of it fresh with stuff like duo lingo.

5.) Do not base your personal worth or level of intelligence off your damn grades. You go in there and you do your best. If you don't make it through flawlessly that's fine. You're human. You just have to pass. You are more valuable than a slip of paper.

6.) Communication. Be open, honest, and up front. Everyone has different needs. Don't try and find a match try and find your compliment. Someone that makes you better by just existing.

7.) I do not consider myself to be very political but that's because I don't think human rights and environmental health should be political. I can angrily rant about those two things for hours often bringing my own experiences into it.

8.) This changes a lot. (ADHD) However, Dinosaurs and Jurassic World/Park franchise is something I have been hooked on since I saw it when I was a kid. Reptiles is the only close competitor.

9.) I can't really have pizza (Got a real bad reaction to tomatoes so red sauce is just a no. I get sick. I can still have BBQ & Ketchup for some reason???) You do you. I do love pineapple.

10.) I got a lot of these. Punk, cyberpunk, gothic meadival stuff, whatever Mandela Catalogue has going on, Old school creepypasta aesthetics, vulture culture, cabin in the woods 80s feeling stuff, retro futuristic (Think Alien)

11.) I don't really have parents? If my Mother was around I'd probably have shown her by now. My legal guardians live like 4 hrs away. They don't even know what I do day to day.

12.) Spaghetti

13.) Depends honestly, if I'm in a rut digital always gets me out of it. Traditional is more convenient tho.

14.) I love acrylic paint to paint murals and I love me some good ol' graphite.

15.) American Pie - Entirely my BFs fault.

16.) Hehehe! This is a question for me since I YouTube is always running in the bg of my room. I think Wendigoon is pretty entertaining if you like video essays and horror stuff. Wowman too. There's a person named Linfamy that I have recently gotten hooked on he does Japanese history and mythology stuff. If you're an animation person Dead Sound. I can go on but there's a good list.

17.) Like maybe an hour ago on sleep. I've been randomly falling asleep all day. I just took a sip of soda.

18.) Swamp & coastal forest and such. I like it warm, humid, and wet.

19.) Silent treatment, breaking promises, eating loudly

20.) Night owl

ask game!!

1 - comfort character

2 - fave color and why

3 - dream haircut/color

4 - any languages you want to learn?

5 - any advice for school?

6 - any relationship advice?

7 - any political/serious topics you can angrily rant about for hours?

8 - any fandom/niche/hyperfixation topics you can rant about for hours?

9 - opinion on hawaiian pizza

10 - favorite aesthetics??

11 - do your parents know about your account?

12 - least favorite food?

13 - do you prefer to draw traditionally or digitally?

14 - favorite art medium?

15 - current earworm song?

16 - any youtubers you recommend?

17 - when was the last time you slept? ate? drank? stretched?

18 - favorite biome/landscape?

19 - any pet peeves?

20 - early bird or night owl?

[cambion-companion]

hi, i’m not doing well. i had to give up my cats today, and my heart hurts a lot. i was wondering if i could request something soft if you have anything in mind. even some headcanons would be fantastic. i’m just heartbroken that i had to give up my babies on top of everything else i’m going through.

Oh darling I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. I will most certainly write something to help in what little way I can.

Lips

Aemond x reader | soft fluff | admiring Aemond's mouth | trying a new lipstick leads to interesting shenanigans

"It's a lovely shade, perhaps a bit too red for my complexion." You smacked your lips together, having applied a thin layer of your newest cosmetic. "What do you think, Aemond?"

"I'm not the authority on differing shades of lipstick, my dear." Your lover leaned against the doorframe, watching fondly as you sat at your vanity. "It does look lovely on you...however I can think of other places it could be as well."

"Aemond." You scolded gently, rolling your eyes at him. "You're terrible."

"Hmm, so I've been told."

You rose from your seat, crossing to where he stood, wrapping your arms around his trim waist. You placed your head upon his chest, relishing the familiar smokey scent of him, the sound of his heartbeat in your ear.

A gentle finger hooked itself under your chin, lifting your gaze to his. "Are you well, my dear?" Aemond's violet eye drank in your features as it roved over your face.

You suppressed an instinctual grimace at the question. "I've...been better."

"I heard what happened. You need not disguise your pain for my sake." Aemond dipped his head, brushing his lips against yours before pressing a soft kiss to your mouth.

He pulled away slightly, your eyes fell to his plush lips, a giggle bubbling from your chest as you saw that your lipstick had transferred onto his skin. "You look quite dashing in rouge, I must say!"

"Gods..." Aemond moved to rub the back of his hand against his pretty mouth, but you caught his jaw with your fingers, pulling him back into your warm embrace. You kissed him soundly and he didn't put up a fight, even as you smooched his cheek theatrically, leaving behind a suggestive stain.

He pressed his forehead to yours, your gentle laughter mingling as you savored each other's comforting warmth.

"Come, let me clean you up." You led him to the sofa where the two of you sat.

"Something I am accustomed to saying to you." Aemond grinned as you swatted his shoulder.

You patted your lap. "Lie down."

"As my ember commands." Aemond laid his long body languidly across the cushions of the sofa, his head pillowed by your thighs.

You took your time, combing your fingers through the silver hair that fanned out across your legs. Tracing delicate fingers along the contours of his face, rising to lift the eyepatch from its place and set it to rest beside you. The sapphire gem glittered up at you, contrasting beautifully with the lilac of Aemond's remaining eye.

"You're lovely, my prince." You said honestly, continuing to run your fingers down his cheek, touching where your lips had left their mark.

"I...thank you, Y/N."

You smiled, nodding at him as you dipped a cloth inside the warm water of the wash basin beside you. "Sȳz taoba. Accept the compliment, don't reject it."

"Call me a 'good boy' again and I may not be able to lie still upon your lap, Y/N." Aemond's eye had dilated slightly at your praise, he gazed up into your face as you began dabbing away the rouge from his skin.

"Promises, promises." You murmured, earning yourself another low chuckle from the prince. "Now hold still, I'm going to clean your mouth. Can't have the court thinking you've caught some sort of skin ailment."

"Perish the thought."

"Stop talking, Aemond."

"Oh, right."

He closed his mouth, still watching you intently as you began gently rubbing off the lipstick. They were so lovely, his lips. The shape of his mouth something you had not seen before in man or woman. The sharpness of his cupid's bow tempered by the lush fullness of his top and bottom lips. When they were not pursed in displeasure or focus, Aemond's mouth was quite a pleasant thing to look at.

"Must be quite the stain." Aemond quipped, a knowing smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, his eye crinkling at you.

"Mmhmm. Now hush." You pressed a finger against his bottom lip, studying the softness of his skin there, and how your finger could easily slide into his mouth with just one movement.

You traced the shape of his upper lip, having discarded the cleaning rag back into the basin. The curvature of his mouth fascinated you, and the more you studied it the more you wished to feel it pressed against your heating skin.

"You're clean." Your voice came out as a whisper, your eyes following Aemond's fluid movement as he rose to a sitting position, his face inches from yours.

"Cannot say the same for my thoughts." He intoned, his breath mingling with yours, his eye falling to your own parted lips.

"Are they ever?" You leaned in closer, craving the taste of him.

"On occasion." Aemond brushed his mouth against yours, your noses bumping. "Though certainly not when my lover has been caressing my lips with such fervor."

"There was a lot of lipstick on them."

"Hmm." Aemond's hooded eye was unfocused. "Shall we explore the possibilities of what else your pretty mouth can mark?"

"I could be persuaded." You reached up, tangling your fingers in Aemond's long hair, pulling him into you as his own hands stroked your sides.

He groaned quietly as you slowly pressed a kiss to his parted lips, electric arrows shot to your core as he bent you back against the cushions, leaning atop you as he deepened the embrace.

The shape of his mouth hot against your own awoke molten fire in your belly. You opened your legs to him, hugging his waist with your thighs as Aemond's tongue stroked along your own.

He broke away, his hair falling in a silver curtain to frame your faces. "We have to prepare for the feast that has...probably already started." Aemond sat up, looking regretfully down at your prone body as you arched against the sofa. "We will pick up where we left off after the festivities."

He raised your hand to his lush mouth, placing a kiss to each of your knuckles. "I know you're suffering, however silently, Y/N. Believe me when I say I will make you forget your troubles...if only for a little while."

"Your very presence eases my pain, Aemond." You cupped his face in your hand, caressing his bottom lip.

Aemond turned his face into your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm. His fingers rubbing soft circles against your wrist as he held you to him.

"You may want to, ah, bring the wash basin over here." Aemond smirked mischievously as he donned his eyepatch once more. "We've made a bit of a mess. One that would be obvious in origin to those at the feast."

"Oh!" You touched your face self-consciously. "Wouldn't want the ladies of weak constitution to faint at the scandal."

"Nor the over eager men to draw swords for your honor."

"They wouldn't."

"You'd be unpleasantly surprised what bored lordlings get up to during their days at court."

The two of you helped each other clean the marks from your skin, it had gotten all over the outside of your mouth from the passion of your kisses. Aemond bit down his chuckles at your state of disarray after you shot him an arch glare. Once tidied and dressed, you walked forth from your chambers arm in arm, descending together to the great hall. Your mind quite preoccupied with memories of Aemond's soft mouth beneath your fingertips and what lay in store for you at the end of the night.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch,

I'm a trans dude, who just hit their second year on T. As long as I've been aware I had genitals and what they were for, I've had issues with my vaginal opening (A gynecologist told me my hymen is unusually thick and inelastic, with an unusually small opening, she postulated I wouldn't be able to naturally accommodate anything wider than a centimeter in diameter, not that i ever really tried because that area is also incredibly pain sensitive and attempting to insert anything has always really really hurt). I've never been interested in penetrative sex and my gynecologist told me that since I wasn't sexually active getting pap smears wouldn't be super necessary. However, now that I've transitioned and am more comfortable with my body, I'm more interested in basically sleeping around; while I still don't plan on being penetrated I'm still aware if I want to do that I'll need to get tested regularly and am afraid my pre-existing vaginal condition, in conjunction with any atrophy that may have occurred over the past 2 years, will make this more difficult/painful. do you have any advice for seeking sexual healthcare that will mitigate discomfort without sacrificing too much accuracy?

hi anon,

first off I want to offer you a Better Sexual Health gold star for thinking ahead on this! considering health concerns in advance and planning accordingly is a great way to demystify the process of caring for your body and exert agency over your healthcare!

now, on to the nitty gritty:

it might comfort you to know that many STI tests don't require medical penetration, but rather rely on external examination, blood tests, cheek swabs specifically for HIV testing, and my personal favorite: peeing in a cup. when you go in to get tested make sure to talk to your nurses about what kind of sexual behaviors you've actually been practicing; it can go a long way towards narrowing down what type of testing is necessary for you and could rule an internal exam right out

now, if it does come to the point where you have to have an internal exam or swab done, you have my utmost sympathies - I also have a bad time with vaginal penetration, and I can't say pap smears have ever been fun for me. however, the swell news is that it does tend to be over Pretty Fucking Fast, and having a conversation with your examiner ahead of time about what the experience will be like for you can help a lot. I always let the folks doing my exams know up front that penetration is uncomfortable for me, that I'd prefer the smallest possible speculum and as much lube as they can reasonably use, and that I may need to pause in the process. the last time I got a smear (earlier this year, what's up) I literally asked the examiner if she could pull out and give me a moment to steady up and recombobulate myself, and it was an absolute non-issue - she put the exam on pause no questions asked, and even complimented me on my breathing.

(cute planned parenthood lesbian doctor with the purple hair - if you are reading this I am single.)

it can also help A LOT for the person performing the exam to understand your discomfort and help talk you through it; while it doesn't decrease the physical pain, it does wonders for my anxiety to have someone letting me know exactly what they're doing and how many more seconds I can expect it to last.

for additional support, some locations may even let you bring an emotional support person back for your exam with you - call ahead and check! - and in really drastic cases, some doctors may be open to the idea of tranquilizing patients for an exam or performing some exams via ultrasound rather than with manual penetration.

in short - the best way to find minimally painful care is to talk to your provider about what that will look like for you.

[thecairomuse]

2021-2022 Academic year Scent routine!

This has been long awaited, because, well, I have been busy with school, but, nonetheless it's here now.

For those who are new, each time I change up my scent routine I share it with you guys!

The Formula: How to smell good from head to toe, AKA my scent routine

My last scent routine: My Summer'21 Signature Scent Routine

For this scent routine I really wanted to smell like pink academia, I don't know any other way to explain it. I wanted it to smell youthful yet mature, slightly symbolic of young adulthood, something to represent the time I'm at in my life right now. And I think I did a pretty good job of capturing that.

Category 1: The Hair

So I finally found my holy grail shampoo and conditioner (I think) but I have no idea what they smell like however i assume its' something slightly buttery but I find the scent doesn't linger too much. I do use Cantu products to style my hair and that has a very strong pineapple and coconut scent which I like. I also found my holy grail hair serum it's the L'oreal Elivive one that everyone and their mothers in Egypt have been raving about and I love the scent of that. Most of the products are the same as last time

I still haven't found a hair perfume I like bc I don't want to accidentally damage my hair. So I just hope that my perfume/ mist linger onto my hair instead

Overall though I am not too strict with this category bc I think that the quality of products matter more than their scent. So as long as my hair smells too good I don't mind what it smells like.

Category 2 & 3: The body (base & fragrance oil)

The bath and body works set that I choose as a starting point is the champagne toast one. Its notes include: Champagne, Tangerine, Nectarine, passionfruit, Black current, Hibiscus, sugar, plum tree, vanilla and musk. These are my chosen scents for this category.

I just think that champagne toast smells so youthful and girly, I've gotten SO many compliments on it. Plus it's pink

I bough the body mist, the body cream, the hand cream and the foam soap and I plan to buy more soon.

I still use the dove soap because it makes me feel very fresh and clean and is a good base. I bought a nectarine/ orange scented shower gel. In the morning I use the Champagne toast body cream and I use a Nivea cream after I shower. My body oil is unscented. My lip balm is cherry scented. I use the Champagne toast hand cream. My body scrub is sugar and vanilla scented. And of course I use the champagne toast body mist everyday

My fragrance oil is the same as last time, it's the musk fro Rassasi, number 61, these things last a super long time. I use it after I shower in my décolletage area. It matches very well with champagne toast.

Category 4: Clothing

I still spritz my clothing with bare vanilla, I think it makes all my clothing smell SO good. I just love it so much and I can't see myself changing it anytime soon.

Category 5: Perfumes

Now onto the fun part!

I wanted a perfume that was a) pink, and b) smelt sweet and mature. And La Vie Est Belle by Lancome is perfect for this! I know this perfume gets a lot of hate for being common and whtanot but it smells so good and when you mix it with a body mist no one can actually guess what it is.

La Vie Est Belle is super strong. So I do three sprays one on each shoulder and one on my chest, sometime more :)

La Vie Est Belle and champagne toast smell very very good together which I love <3

Now I have to go smell La Vie Est Belle + Champagne toast together for the millionth time. See you guys next summer! also on that note if anyone has any good fragrances for summer please let me know.

xx

serena <3

[seonghwanotes]

730 days | song mingi

pairing: mingi x reader

genre: angst

word count: 2k

a/n: i personally hate this piece so much, it hits a little too close to home but i wrote it decently and its still cringy gah dayum & there's no part 2 because some things are better off this way

You were in a relationship with Mingi for 2 years now and today was your anniversary with him. Lately, you could never get to go out with him on your monthly anniversaries since he was always busy with work which you understood and didn't mind about. So, you were exhilarated that you finally got the chance to celebrate a special day with him today.

You got dressed pretty early and drove to his house because you knew that he would be late or forget that you both had a date planned out since he hasn't texted you all day long.

While you were driving to his place, you turned up the volume on the radio and drove silently. The memories of when you first met Mingi flooded into your mind as you drove by the familiar street.

You fell in love with Mingi the second you saw him at a distant friend's birthday party. He was avoiding people at the party so it wasn't that hard for you to start a small talk with him. That night was definitely one of the best nights you've had, Mingi didn't even hesitate talking to you, in fact even when everyone had left, you both were still chatting away without realising it was late night.

You let out a small laugh as you drove into the street that Mingi lives at when you thought about the day he confessed to you. You had been talking to him everyday for a few months now and there was a misunderstanding between the two of you which resulted in a fight. Mingi being the gentleman he is, came to your doorstep late at night apologising and also, confessed his feelings for you.

And ever since, things have been going amazing between the two of you. Or so, you thought.

You reached the place and parked your car in front of his porch, turning off the engine before you walked to his doorstep. You felt nervous, as if it was your first date with him. Your hand reached the doorbell and clicked on it.

"Coming!"

You took a few steps back, knowing that his tall figure would accidentally bump into you by accident if he was about to walk out. Within seconds, he opened the door and came out. The smell of his cologne immediately flooded your surroundings, making you flinch a little, followed by a loud sneeze.

He was in the middle of locking his house door when his head turned to your direction, "Everything alright?"

You nodded, rubbing your nose. You managed to steal a glance at him, he was clad in a pair of light blue jeans along with an oversized white shirt, a denim jacket over it. You, on the other hand, wore jeans as well and a flowy blouse with your hair let down.

"You look pretty," He commented, making you realise he was done locking his door. You smiled at his compliment and returned one to him, "You look handsome as well."

"Where do you wanna go?" He asked, holding your hand as you both started walking. Everytime Mingi touched you, it would make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. This time, you didn't feel anything at all, not coming off as a surprise to you anymore.

"I don't know, I told you I didn't mind any place." You replied back.

"It's okay, it's better if you choose a place. I don't want to argue with you later about this." He said.

You looked at him with furrowed brows, wondering what he meant. Was he really going to argue with you before your date even started? That too, on your anniversary?

It took him a while to realise what came out of his mouth as he looked at you and tried to come up with an excuse. "I mean, I just don't want you to feel unhappy about it later."

You were obviously hurt from what he said earlier but you didn't want to show it to him, knowing that he would try to convince you to not feel this way. You hummed at his statement and looked at him, "Let's just go to McDonalds, I guess."

"McDonalds?"

"Didn't you tell me to choose a place?" You questioned him, starting to feel tired with his questions. You managed to catch him sigh and roll his eyes before he turned away, clenching his jaw.

Your relationship with Mingi was falling apart, that was for sure.

The first year together, everything was perfect and you had almost no arguments at all. You both went on dates a lot and took things up a notch. It felt like paradise whenever you were with him.

However in your second year, you felt like things started to lose its authenticity slowly. You began to argue with Mingi over the pettiest things and so did he. You've cried more during arguments with him than out of stress that now if you argued with him, you felt so numb and tired.

The relationship was getting toxic day by day.

"What's your problem now?" He finally asked, leaving a scar on your heart again with his blunt question.

"What's my problem?" You quivered, tears were starting to form in your eyes. You let go of Mingi's hand and asked him, "Why are you always arguing with me, Mingi?"

The look of fury turned into sorrow on Mingi's face as he heard your voice crack when you asked him that question. He knew that you had reached your point, you couldn't hold it in anymore. He had hurt your feelings to that point.

Yet, he didn't show any sign of pity towards you when he questioned you back. "Why are you like this? We've been fighting almost everyday."

You were on the verge of crying as tears collected in your eyes. "Why am I like this? Are you really asking me why I am like this? I've been trying my best to save our relationship every time it has been falling apart and you're asking me why am I like this? When are you going to realise that you have been screwing up our relationship, Mingi?"

He flinched at the mention of his name. You had never used his name before when you were together unless you were pissed or sometimes, jokingly. You had never used it when you were arguing as well. So it took him by surprise that his name left your mouth that day.

"Baby…"

Even him using pet names on you made you shiver, you knew it wasn't genuine anymore. He had stopped using pet names for weeks now, you didn't want to hear anything anymore. You looked at him in the eyes, hoping for him to tell you that it's okay and we would be alright. But he didn't.

Even though he put in more effort into your relationship compared to you, he was also the one hurting you the most that it was starting to drive you crazy. You loved him, you loved him with your whole heart and you didn't want to let him go. But in order for you to be alright again, you had to let him go.

Which resulted in you saying those words that you never expected yourself to say when you started dating Mingi.

"I think it's best for us to break up."

You both remained silent for a while, until you started sobbing and looked down. You hated this so much. You didn't want to show him that you were weak and vulnerable. You were at your lowest and you knew you couldn't hold it in anymore.

Mingi's hand reached to touch yours but you jerked away. "Please don't."

He immediately took his hand away and stood still in front of you. Seeing that he was quiet, you knew he was speechless and was thinking of what to say. You didn't want to look at him as well knowing that you would start to cry harder.

At the same time, you wanted him to ask you to stay. You wanted him to tell you that he was willing to fix things between the two of you. You wanted him to tell you that he loves you and he doesn't want you to leave him.

But he did nothing.

You didn't want to leave him, heck, it was stupid of you to even initiate the break up. but, you were not wrong. Mingi didn't even bother begging you to speak or wipe away your tears as he would.

You didn't want to assume things, perhaps he was hiding his pain as well as you did. Maybe it was going to take him some time to realise how fucked up the relationship was.

"Okay." He breathed out, a croak following along as he looked away.

You looked up at him, "Okay?"

"Yeah, let's break up." He said, making eye contact with you as you watched a tear roll down his cheek. You wanted to hold his cheek, wipe his tears and say that it was okay. You wanted to kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

But you didn't.

Instead, you started to cry. You covered your face with your hands as you cried in front of him. You didn't want to leave him, you knew very well you were still wrapped around his finger. You wanted to call him everyday, you wanted to text him good night and I love you everyday. You wanted to give him kisses every time he was sad after watching movies. But that wasn't going to happen.

You felt a pair of warm hands engulf you into a hug, hot tears dropping onto your blouse and Mingi held you tight for one last time. You dropped your hands and hugged him back, crying on his chest that you were starting to lose air.

You knew very well if you stayed in that position for a little longer, you would tell him that you were sorry and you would tell him to forget what you said. So, you pulled away from his hug. Mingi's eyes were red and puffy, he sniffed and looked up at the sky, holding back his tears.

You kissed him back for a brief second before he pulled away. His hand remained intact on your cheek, "It's okay Y/N, you don't have to apologise. I understand where you're coming from."

You couldn't help it. It broke you to see him in pain and you didn't want to see him in that situation ever. So, you opened your mouth to speak but Mingi stopped you by asking, "Can I kiss you one last time?"

Your eyes were glazed, you didn't know what to say. This was really it. This was happening for real and you had to accept it. You gave a subtle nod which led him to kiss you out of nowhere. You didn't move, you stood still as his kiss made you feel warm and content for one last time.

You looked down as he said that, shutting your eyes. You took a deep breath, telling yourself that it was okay and heartbreaks are normal. His hands took yours and he kissed them, before he talked to you.

"Just promise me that you won't give up on love because of what happened between us."

You had no words, you didn't even know what to say to him. You remained quiet for a while. He let go of your hands, "I love you Y/N, I always have and I always will. I'm sorry for hurting you all this while and not owning up to my mistake."

"I'm sorry too Mingi," Your voice croaked, you weren't able to tell the former cause it hurt too much in you to say it back.

"Just…" He paused, looking hesitant to continue his sentence. You could tell he wasn't going to continue his sentence knowing your answer, "Text me when you get back home."

After he said that, he walked back inside his house, leaving you alone at his porch - a crying mess. You got into your car and cried for a good 10 minutes. You wanted him to come out and kiss you, tell you to come inside and convince you to stay.

But you were both too egoistic for that. He knew you wouldn't bother his words, nor would you if he asked you to give him another chance. You looked up at his window, you saw his shadow through his sheer curtains and you could make out that he was crying as well.

No matter how much you loved him, you had to end your relationship before everything felt forced and fake. Before everything was merely a show. It was better to give your all in the relationship instead of giving only half or nothing.

So you drove back home.

[kayluh1915]

More Than Anything

Words: 3,813

Pairing(s): Pedro Pascal/Female Reader

Warnings: 18+ Only!

While enjoying a long awaited drink, you find yourself entertained by the young bartender with horrible jokes. Pedro, however, doesn't see the humor in the situation.

DISCLAIMER

This fic is a part of my "Pedro y su Abeja🐝" series. You don't have to read the previous stories to understand this one, but they're there if anyone would like to give them a glance with your peepers. I write them as a reader insert, but they can also be read as an original character. It's up to you.

Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok if you'd like. I'm pretty boring but I try. You can also checkout my Pedro Pascal Masterlist if you'd like to read some more Pedro works by me.

Enjoy!

Read on AO3

Additional Warnings: Daddy kink, dom/sub undertones, oral sex (female receiving), dirty talk, hair pulling, vaginal sex, and creampie.

London was beautiful.

Maybe a bit too cold for your tastes, but beautiful nonetheless.

It was your first time ever in the city… actually, it was your first time out of the States period. You always loved to travel, but never had the time or the money to invest in it. So, being in a new city and a new country was extremely exciting.

Big Ben was gorgeous, the London Eye was romantic, and Buckingham Palace was elegant. So many new and exciting sights all around you and yet your only focus was on Pedro, holding on tightly to his arm as he escorted you down the red carpet.

“Okay?” He asked, turning his attention towards you for a moment. You smiled up at him and nodded, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you did so. The red carpet still made you incredibly uncomfortable, but you had gotten better at it since Oscar night. It’s not something you enjoy, but you didn’t mind it as long as Pedro was there for you to follow and hold onto.

“After I finish presenting, we can head to the afterparty if you want. There’s really no need to stay if you’re not feeling it.” He offered once you were finally away from the blinding cameras.

“That sounds great, actually. I could use a drink."

"Yeah? What're you feeling?" You pondered for a moment.

"Honestly, I'm not really sure. Maybe something with vodka or bourbon."

"Bourbon, huh? Are you homesick?" You scoffed playfully and rolled your eyes with your tongue stuck out at him, earning a deep chuckle as he placed a kiss on your temple.

He teases you about that every time bourbon is brought up.

After the usual press interviews and greetings with Pedro’s peers, you were finally able to take your seats, getting as close to him as possible while he draped his arm across the back of your seat.

Before meeting Pedro, you loved award shows. It was an excuse to get off your ass with friends and shit on the biased bastards who clearly chose the winners on other criteria besides which film had been best crafted.

Now, you fucking hated them. Having to sit still in a seat and listen to these rich snobs drone on and on about nothing important for hours on end with no booze or idiotic friends to laugh with made it damn near unbearable for you. Pedro knew this and picked up on your fidgeting about 40 minutes into the show. He placed his hand on your bouncing knee, gently rubbing his thumb over it.

"You can go on to the party if you want, Abeja. I still have a bit before my presentation and I know how restless you get with these things.” You shook your head, going back to bouncing your knee, but a bit gentler this time.

“Nah. I want to stay here with you and show my support.” He chuckled.

“You don’t have to prove anything to me and you know that." A split second of silence fell between you as you weighed your options, but he wasn't having it.

"Go. Have a drink and loosen up a bit. I’ll come find you after I present and we can watch the clip together on YouTube later.”

Normally, you wouldn’t listen to him and would tough it out. Pedro lit up like a kid on Christmas anytime he was on camera and you loved to see it, but he was right. The video of him presenting would be on YouTube within minutes of it being aired so you’d still be able to see it.

"... Okay. I have my phone if you want me to come back." You offered.

"Alright. I’ll see you in a bit, honey." You exchanged a quick kiss, bunched your dress up in both hands, and nearly booked it out of the theatre, more than happy to finally be away from all the formal shit.

You were the first one at the party, rushing over the bartender and ordering some Jim Beam and Coke. Pretty basic, but it was just something to get you started.

"Your accent is lovely." The bartender complimented as he slid your drink to you.

"Oh, this ugly thing?" You gestured to your vocal chords. "I respectfully disagree, but thank you. I’d much rather have one like yours. Sounds much nicer than deep fried hick." The young man laughed, resting his elbow on the bar.

"Where you from?" You took a sip of the concoction before answering.

"Kentucky. Born and raised." The bartender looked at your drink and then back at you.

"You're not a little homesick are ya?" He asked, gesturing to your drink. You groaned, rolling your eyes and laying your head on the bar.

"Why does everyone ask me that? I just like bourbon, okay?" The bartender laughed again as you took another sip.

"Yes ma'am. I apologize. I'm Brice." He held his hand out for you to shake. You did, giving him your name in return. "So, this your first time in the UK?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The afterparty had a lot more people now, the three drinks you've had relaxing you and tinting your cheeks blush red. It wasn't enough for you to ditch your filter, but it did make you quite giggly.

Brice especially found your giggle fits endearing. He had been talking to you the entire time you’d been there, only leaving to serve the other guests before coming back over to you. He'd lean on the marble bar as you spoke and he started telling you bad jokes just to get you to giggle. He seemed like a pretty cool dude.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, watching you closely as you down your shot of whiskey. You put the glass back on the bar with a clank, letting out a sigh as you felt the liquor run warm down to your stomach.

"Sure. What's on your mind?" You answer. Brice takes the glass from you and washes it quickly, drying it off with a towel as he seems to ponder on how to say what he's about to say.

"You know, you're pretty awesome and I would love to get to know you better away from all of this." He started, gesturing around the party atmosphere. "So, I was wondering if you would like to exchange phone numbers? Maybe socials as well?"

Ah Lord. You were nowhere near drunk enough to deal with this shit. Brice seemed like a cool guy, but you didn't think you were coming off that way and immediately felt terrible for leading him on. You opened your mouth to say… something. You weren't really sure, but it was going to be better than dumbass silence. However, you didn't even get a word out before you felt a familiar hand on your back and Pedro’s voice right by your ear.

Perfect. Just in time to be used as a gentle decline.

"There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you." You spun around to come face to face with Pedro, your face instantly lighting up as soon as you saw him. He looked you over with a smile, noticing your flushed cheeks and drunken giggles.

"I see you've had your drink." You nodded, holding up four fingers. "Oh, four. Excuussse me."

Pedro looked over to Brice and ordered his own drink. He noticed that the young man had a melancholy look to him, his blue eyes shifting right back to you as soon as he acknowledged his drink order.

"Is he bothering you?" Pedro whispered, not taking his eyes off of the bartender as he made his drink. You gasped, pretending to be offended.

"Nooooo! Brice would never!"

Pedro wasn't usually a jealous man, but something about the current situation was making his blood boil. He concealed it well and thanked "Brice" when he handed him his drink.

"I'm going to go say hi to some friends. You wanna come with me?" You groaned, not really wanting to put your formal face back on, but your desire to be around Pedro as much as possible outweighed all of it.

“Fiiinnee. I’m not talking, though.” He held his hand out for you to take, helping you down from the bar stool before placing his hand on your lower back. He gave the bartender one last glance, trying his best not to feel the pride swell in his chest when he saw how devastated the poor guy looked.

About an hour had passed when you returned to the bar for another drink, Brice apologizing for being forward as he slid you your shot.

“I didn’t know you were with someone. I’m sorry.” You fanned your hand at him, downing your shot in one go.

“It’s no big deal. I didn’t say anything so you couldn’t have known. For what it’s worth, I think you're an awesome dude and would love to exchange socials with you. You have a discord?” Brice’s eyes lit up as he nodded, grabbing a pen and paper to write his username on.

After exchanging little scraps of paper, you continued chatting with him and ended up getting giggly again from the shot. Brice noticed and started telling his horrible jokes again, but your drunk ass still found them fucking hilarious. You were still sober enough to keep the filter, but you were talking and laughing pretty loudly.

Brice was in the middle of a joke when you felt Pedro’s large and warm hand wrap around your upper arm. You melted into him with a fit of giggles, Pedro laughing at how cute you were as he brushed a few strands of hair out of your eyes.

"C'mon, honey. I think it's time for us to turn in." Pedro said, a groan leaving your lips.

"Let Brice finish this last joke and then I'll come okay?"

This time, Pedro didn't hide his rage, looking up at Brice with the most intimidating look he could muster while he had you drunk in his arms. It definitely worked, the poor dude shrinking in on himself as his eyes widened with fear.

"A-actually I'll send it to you on Discord, okay? I think you should go with your boyfriend." Brice stuttered out, clearly intimidated by your sweet teddy bear which you found hilarious. So hilarious that you didn't even question why he was angry in the first place.

Pedro was satisfied with Brice's answer and deep down felt terrible for being such an asshole, turning his attention back to you leaning on him and still giggling.

"C'mon, Abeja. Let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door to your shared hotel room had barely shut before Pedro had you cornered, his eyes dark and the smell of his cologne dancing under your nostrils. You had sobered up a bit on the drive back to the hotel and was starting to feel tired.

You whine pitifully, mildly upset that he was keeping you from your plans of peaceful dreams.

"What is it, P? M'tired." You groaned. Pedro scoffed above you.

"Am I not enough for you?" He growled. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion and look up at him.

"Huh? What're you tal-"

"Is this old man not enough for your little pussy? Huh?" You froze and swallowed hard, now understanding where he was going with this and you very much liked it, your exhaustion instantly forgotten.

"N-no… You're perfect." He chuckled darkly, leaning down to trail his lips gently over your neck. You moaned quietly, feeling his stubble tickle your sensitive skin.

"Really? Then why would you waste your time with that... boy?”

Ooohhhh. Brice.

"He-he was just being friendly. He seemed like a pretty cool guy an-"

Pedro interrupted you by slamming you against the door, pinning your wrists to the cold steel as he got close to you, his lips only inches away from yours.

"You have no idea what you'd be missing." He snarled, your pussy clenching hard from just his words and voice alone.

"... Show me, then.”

Pedro growls low in his throat and pushes you harder into the door, now holding both of your wrists in his left hand as he caresses your face and lifts his knee up to your clothed cunt.

"Gonna fuck you so good. Your young little pussy won't be able to take it all." You whined quietly, grinding yourself down onto his knee.

"Please..." Pedro's breath hitched, his grip tightening on your wrists.

"See, look at you... You're already coming apart and I've only given you my knee. That boy wouldn't even get you this close with his inexperience. Only I know exactly what you need." You were squirming at this point, your juices already starting to soak through your panties.

"Please, Daddy… Please..." You begged as he pressed his knee even harder into your dripping heat.

"Patience, my sweet Abeja. Daddy will give you everything soon."

He jerked your wrists forward, pulling you close as he let go of his hold to grab your ass and hoist you up. You quietly squeaked in surprise, wrapping your arms and legs around him as he quickly carried you over to the bed. He threw you down on it, the springs protesting lightly from the sudden weight as Pedro began to strip.

He almost had his undershirt unbuttoned when you sat up and tried to unzip your dress, but he stopped you by pinning your wrists to the mattress.

“Only Daddy’s allowed to take that dress off, baby girl.” You whined, another gush soaking your already damp panties.

He let go of your wrists again and continued to undress, looking over your body hungrily as he did so.

“I bet you’re soaked already, aren’t you, pretty girl?” You nodded rubbing your thighs together as your pussy clenched again. He parted your legs and haphazardly lifted your dress. He groaned at the sight of your heather gray panties darkening in color as your arousal continued to seep.

The stylist had highly advised you to wear sexy underwear with the dress, but you didn't care. You'd take comfort over looks anyday and Pedro didn't seem to have a problem with your choice of underwear.

He took his right pointer finger and ran it gently over the darkening patch, the bulge in his boxers twitching and somehow getting harder.

"Fuck, look at you. So shameless." He wraps his arms around your legs and pulls you to the side of the bed while getting down on his knees. You impatiently began to fidget, knowing exactly what he was doing. He pulled your panties aside, the sight of your glistening pussy spurring him on as he yanked you closer and licked you from your opening to your throbbing clit.

“Daddy…” You sighed, your hands instantly tangling in his hair. Pedro groaned, the vibrations and his facial hair feeling heavenly. He wrapped his arms around your thighs and threw them over his shoulders, pulling you even closer and pressing the pads of his fingers into your smooth skin.

“MMmmmm.” You whined, the sudden movement causing your pussy to clench around nothing. You spared a glance down to Pedro. You could only see his eyes, but that was more than enough, his dark chocolate orbs staring up at you with a dizzying mixture of adoration and lust.

Pedro loved how wreaked you looked, your mouth hung open and your eyes hooded. He took pride that he was the one making you feel this way, knowing that he was the only one who got to see you like this.

He’d had plans on taking his time with you, slowly bringing you to one orgasm after another with his tongue, fingers, and cock; but the sight of you losing yourself just on his tounge alone drove him crazy and he grew impatient.

He pulled away from you too soon for your liking, his lips and chin glistening with your arousal as he yanked off your underwear in one swoop. He discarded his boxers as he stood up, pinning you to the bed as he drug the head of his cock through your slick folds a few times.

“You’re mine, understand?” You nodded quickly, wanting so desperately for him to get on with it. “Say it.”

“I-I’m yours, Daddy… Please….” You begged.

“Please what?” Your mind was so fuzzy with arousal, that you could barely process the words he was saying, let alone compose some of your own, but Pedro wasn’t having it. He grabbed a handful of your hair and yanked it, the delicious mixture of pain and pleasure only making your neediness worse.

“Answer me.”

“Fuck me!” You whined, your voice hoarse and weak, but still loud enough for him to get the message. Pedro let go of your hair and caressed your face, the gentle gesture a far cry from how he’d pulled your hair barley seconds ago.

“Good girl.” When he finally pushed himself in, you both made noises of pleasure, Pedro wasting no time. "God, you feel so good, baby." He groaned, starting to thrust into you faster. Though you both were inpatient and did very little foreplay, you were still absolutely soaked.

“You hear that?” He gruffed, his facial hair tickling your jaw as the sounds of your wet pussy squelched almost musically. “That boy could never get you this wet. You’d probably have to- fuck- have to use lube just to get started.”

You were already close. It’d been a hot minute since you’ve seen each other, your music classes revving up for concert season and his schedule getting booked by the day. It was hard to be away from one another for so long, but this… this made it worthwhile. No toy or vibrator could ever top the way Pedro made you feel.

"Pedro…" You groaned.

"That's it. Scream Daddy's name, baby girl. Show the boys who you belong to."

His cock repeatedly rubbing against your g-spot sent waves of tingling pleasure all throughout your lower half, the intensity of it building higher and higher as he continued.

"Don't stop, Daddy. Please don't stop." You whined, your voice getting higher as your orgasm grew closer.”

"Cum on Daddy's cock, Abeja. Let him feel you drip." Like a rubber band being pulled too tight, you snapped, your back arching off the bed and your toes curling. It hit you hard, your pussy drenching his cock and throbbing relentlessly with wave after wave of chilling pleasure.

“Mmm, Daddy’s gonna cum, baby girl. Whe-where do you want it?” He panted, his movements slowing for a few seconds while he waited on your answer.

“Inside…” You whined, your orgasm still wreaking havoc as he sped back up.

“Gonna fill you up, baby. Gonna… gonna…” He thrust his cock into you one last time, his own orgasm tearing through him with the same intensity as yours. The feeling of his cum warming your insides and his throbbing cock brought you to the peak for a second time. It wasn’t very intense, but getting filled up always made your orgasm even if they’re small.

Pedro collapsed onto you, his lips colliding with yours in a slow, passionate kiss. You laid your head back with a sigh on pleasure, Pedro chasing after you to gently kiss and nibble at your chin.

“I know you like me to stay in for a bit after we finish, but can we please make an exception this time? My back is killing me in this position.” You snorted.

“Oh my god, you’re so fucking old.” Pedro pulled out slowly, the feeling of his cum seeping out dazing you again for a moment. He smugly smirked at the sight, his hand gently caressing your upper thigh as he watched it trail down your folds.

“You weren't complaining about it earlier.”

A little later, you were laying on Pedro’s chest as he played with your hair, both of you just enjoying each other's company and the silence after a night of constant noise.

"Since when do you get jealous?" You finally asked, breaking the peace as his hand stilled in your hair.

"M'not… not usually anyway." You traced small circles on his chest for a moment.

"What was so different this time?" He sighed deeply, the silence returning as he thought of an answer.

“I dunno. I guess I just…” He sighed again, running a hand through his hair.

“There’s just... so many people out there… people who have their entire lives ahead of them, who doesn’t have back pain, who doesn’t have gray hair and wrinkles, and who doesn’t sound like rice crispies in the morning and…” He paused, his arms tightening around you.

“... Someone who has the time to give you all the attention you deserve. I feel so guilty knowing that I can’t wake you up with breakfast every morning, that I have to leave you alone for months and months at a time, and that you have to face so much scrutiny because of my age. When I saw you with Brice, you looked so happy and it made me think of all the things that I can’t give you…”

He was choking up at this point, his eyes glassy and brimming with tears. You sat up a bit to face him, your hand caressing his face and gently scratching his facial hair as you stared into his watery eyes.

“Pedro… don’t say things like that. You are more than enough for me. You’re so kind and smart and oh so sweet. You’ll come take care of me when I’m sick, you respect me and treat me as my own person, you spoil me even though I beg you not to, and you love me for who I am.” Pedro sniffled as you rested your forehead atop his.

“You are hands down the most amazing man I’ve ever met and no amount of scrutiny, grey hair, or rice crispy joints is going to change that. You may think that you can’t give me everything, but you give me more than enough and I love you more than anything on this Earth.”

Pedro smiled a small smile, bringing up his left hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and caress your jaw as a tear fell down his cheek.

“I don’t deserve you…” He whispered. You wiped the tear away with your thumb and leaned down to kiss him for a bit.

"That, and you're such a DILF. I mean, did you see yourself in Narcos?" He laughed, wiping his eyes with his wrist as he got up to take a shower.

"Alright, bye. Your fangirl's coming out." You got up as well, hoping to finally take off that stupid dress and join him.

“You know you love it.” His arms suddenly wrap around you from behind, his lips pressing gentle kisses on your shoulders.

“More than anything.”