#how to love a jamaican
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Caribe's Contemporary Fiction TBR - Part 3
#how to love a jamaican#alexia arthurs#soul tourists#bernardine evaristo#amy & lan#sadie jones#the candid life of meena dave#namrata patel#mad honey#jodi picoult#frying plantain#zalika reid-benta#contemporary fiction#book tumblr#books#bookblr#booklr#tbr list#tbr jar#book blog
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i dont miss clubs, i miss being side by side with titan-sized stereos that could make the bones in my body vibrate and just dance for hours and hours and hours without stopping to the point where the druggies would ask me what did I take when I was literally running just on beer
#real story by the way#miss dancing#today i get tired if im outside the house for more than 2 hours#do not miss the darkness of those times though lmao#just the dancing bit yeah i will always love music#like my favorite way of worship is how jamaicans do#they jut know how to make holy war with music#this is the most random post of my whole blog#i also miss ballet classes :(
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i love defending pete wentz against the mania haters who call him the music industry's mr krabs bc he sucks in other ways.
#if you seriously think mania as an album was trend chasing then you must love being wrong.#it performed well commercially and all but it also like. bombed critically and with fans enough that#it's like almost a cult classic now lol.#'oh but it's not that old' 'oh but it debuted number one' and barberella was a hit in england. psychic blast.#dubstep was already on its way out of the mainstream as a trend by the time 'young and menace' dropped.#plus calling the reggae/reggaeton influence trend chasing is just incorrect. please listen to black cards.#p2 both are reggae/ska fans and them (especially pete as a bipoc of jamaican descent) taking influence from it isn't any more#trend chasing than them taking influence from rnb or modern pop. also most ppl hating on the genre experimentation here#were just being racist about it. looking at melon tnd for calling it 'white boy reggae.' i'd say he was probably just being ignorant#but also burna boy is right fucking there. directly contributing to the song in question. so that was just racist.#like there are genuine digs i COULD see ppl making about mania's. like. production. but it decidedly wasn't a sellout moment#if fob has one. i'm a pretty firm believer in them having been soldout since they formed but that's me#bc i believe 'selling out' really doesn't have to be a bad thing.#they formed fob to be more 'approachable' and 'softer' than the hardcore scene. and that does mean to the mainstream music world.#which is the definition. SUPPOSEDLY. of selling out: trying to be more popular all of a sudden. making more radio#friendly music all of a sudden. which fob has always done pretty much lbr.#i wouldn't call all (a lot even) of their songs radio pop or radio friendly but like.#did ya'll forget it's called pop punk or.#pete wentz#fall out boy#ALSO. people putting the sole blame on pete bc he 'controls' their image/presence.... there are other guys in the band.#btw. like yes it's his baby but it's theirs too.#it's so funny how ppl love to act like he contributes nothing to fob musically but then when it's time to critique their#genre experimentation the blame tends to fall solely upon pete.#i wonder why that is! /sarcastic.#ppl love to both delegitimize him and villainize him at the same time and it's like. so funny.#bc on one hand there is truth to him sucking and being evil but most ppl go about it all the wrong ways.#he's not even mr krabs he's like. plankton. MAYBE.
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Am I going to swear my what?... to who now??..... nah I'm good
#I love how jamaica are gunning even harder to become a republic now#free up the motherland#I'm British-Caribbean jamaican specifically and I'm loving this turn of events#which reminds me I need to get my jamaican passport so I can dip if need be and take bae with me#not my king#uk#britain#england#coronation#jamaica#text post#lol#abolish the monarchy
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#im putting my love for him in tags#hes just so beautiful.... hes gonna have to calm his accent when hes playing for CHELSEA....#who r their scouts... how i do kill them#how did u find him#he just been born .#his bday in like. august. in august he'll officially become a chelsea player#which is awful for me in terms of everything but at least more jamaican rep in the prem side of tings#anyways. starboy#dujuan richards#jamaica nt#whisper richards
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The uwu speech or baby talk isn't funny or cute. As someone who has trouble with Rs, Ls, Ws, and Sh/S it just feels... infantilizing. I'm an adult. I talk like an adult.
making fun of ppl with disorganized speech or trouble articulating themself or lots of typos or anything else isn't funny actually
#ableism#soooooo glad the uwu speech meme died down because criticizing it just made me look irrational#btw you may notice that R and L make up large chunks of my name#I wish people had more patience for me writing it out phonetically because I can't say it#but I still want other people to say it right!!!!!#I had a teacher laugh about me writing R-E-L on the board before to explain it#maaaaaaan I love my name but hate being resigned to answerig to Air-E-L#IT SOUNDS HOW IT'S SPELLED FUCK YOU DISNEY#that's a different matter but actually now that I think about it it's related but with added racism#Ariel's dad said her name right but it sounded like Air-E-L with Sebastian's accent#.....and he had a Jamaican accent because he was a black sidekick with a ''silly'' voice#btw black people are far more likely to get my name right
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Bluntblackjew via Instagram: "Jamaican Jewish history is so extensive that this post would, instead of 7 slides, probably extend to 30 or more. That is what I love about the history of Jamaica, and the fact this is history is living history. This condensed version is how Jamaican Jews came as refugees and became one of the many people on the island to directly influence history "Jews in the Caribbean, especially Safardi Jews, never disappeared. We continue to exist, and I hope this post educates and removes the erasure of our history that we continue to see."
#bluntblackjew#Jamaican Jews#jamaica#black jews#jews#judaism#jamaicanhistory#Jamaican History#caribbean#Jewish History
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Hobie Headcannons cs some of y’all be treating this man like he’s some white goth nga that’s never had black experiences 😭😭 these are js off the top of my head so don’t tweak out… JUH VIBE
He’s most likely Jamaican/British or African/British because he’s from the UK
He has had multiple people try to force him into playing basketball at least once because he’s 6’5
“Man, so you telling me you ain’t never tried going D1?”
“Never even played.”
“NIGGA WHAT?”
Has gotten his hand popped multiple times from touching his hair while getting it done
“How many do you have left?”
“Boy move that damn hand.”
Gives horrible advice then says “but I don’t kno, thats just me”
“She cheated on me bru. Like cheated. Called me ON FACETIME while they was hunchin.”
“Me personally I would find the guy and start a gas leak in their house while his family is sleeping. But ion kno, that’s just me tho.”
Played soccer as a kid with a makeshift paper soccer ball
Was one of those kids who were forced to finish their plate before leaving the dinner table so he would sit at the table till the next day playing with his food
Illegally listens to and downloads most of the music he likes
“Wanna do a Spotify blend?”
“Y’all use that shi?”
“who df are you bro…”
Will side eye you till you burst out laughing if you both see something crazy in public
Sung chi-chi man religiously as a child before he knew what the song meant (iykyk)
Takes pictures of white people with braids or locs
Hobie: Attachment: 1
disgusting creatures…
Hangs trash bags on his doorknobs around the house
Had entire debates as a child with older people at the cookout on why he should be able to eat ribs instead of hotdogs
“These steaks for the adults, go grab a lil hotdog and a juice.”
“But why? Can’t we both eat and enjoy the same things without you having to dehumanize me and view me only as a child without preferences for food?”
“Boy go get that fuckin hotdog and caprisun get out my face.”
Had his hairline pushed back astronomically far when he was little (Nigerian boy canon event)
On the other hand he probably never had his hair cut as a kid and started free-forming when he was young (I’m conflicted between both)
Constantly had a smart mouth as a kid (he still does), like CONSTANTLY. Once he got his lips snatched and balled into a fist
Would steal, get caught and say is “it cause I’m black?”
“Yo, were you stealing back there?”
“Why bruv? Cause I’m black?”
“Nevermind.”
Touches hot ass food with his bare hands. Like he will flip pancakes with his hands.
Can literally sleep anywhere.. like anywhere. People in his band have pictures of him hunched over on sinks, sleeping on bathroom floors, in bathtubs with the curtains wrapped around him, on the bus. Anywhere you can think of.
He doesn’t spend much money on birthday gifts or gifts in general. He likes to make things by hand even if he has to spend a few weeks
After his shows he loves to meet people in the crowd, even if they freak out. He isn’t really for the idolizing so he doesn’t know how to express his emotions too much on that.
“OH MY GOD HOBIE!?!”
“i aint think i was that special but thanks luv”
• His jacket makes HELLA noise and he doesn’t realize it. Just like if he had beads in his hair.
“imma get bro good this time..”
“Hobie don’t even try to scare me, i hear that big ass jacket thumpin down the hallway.”
• The first time he kissed a girl with lip piercings like his, they got caught on each other. They sat there for almost half and hour trying to untangle each other without hurting each other.
• He’s definitely been called a few different celebrities before, none really looked like him.
“Are you playboi carti?!”
“Bruv.”
over.
“Your that rockstar dude lancey right?”
“bru…”
and over.
“you Opium?”
“I’m starting to feel this is lowkey sterotypical…”
and over again.
• When he’s in the pit at concerts he looks out for the younger people towards the front to make sure they don’t get thrashed around too hard.
“you good young’n?”
“I CANT FEEL MY FACE”
“that’s cool too”
• He only really steals from big corporations, not small family owned places. Just out of respect. Even when they say he can take things for free he still pays, maybe a few dollars over budget.
• He loves collecting trinkets and little things he finds on the streets or backstage. He has multiple spoons, buttons and scrap fabrics laying around
• When he first learned about capitalism he realized it everywhere, like EVERYWHERE. That boy was pissed.
• He loves girls who can beat him tf up, like whoop his ass. Or girls who will cuss him tf out. Sometimes you both will be arguing and he’ll just sit back and let you go off on him.
anyways yawl that’s it lmk if I should drop some more this was fun asl to make 😛
#hobie brown#atsv hobie#hobie spiderverse#hobie my beloved#hobie headcanons#headcanon#hobie x reader#spiderpunk x reader#spider punk#spiderman atsv#hobart brown#hobie brown x reader
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⚠️
POV:
#as soon as her arm began its slow ascent toward the propped-up shelves i knew.#i lept over and grabbed the thing as she pulled it and it began to topple.#if you can believe it she just stood there. blankly. waiting for me to move it out of the way.#which was made quite difficult by how she wouldnt move back an inch#i apologized profusely of course#then i watched intently as she picked up a package of brown sugar. examined it. put it back on the shelf. and walked away.#also a side note i installed all the new moldings and the electronic tag system for this store a few months back.#a process which was prolonged a day and a half longer than these projects usually take due to the isles being crowded with stubborn elderly#this may sound like complaining but i love this one store in particular#high amount of facinating elderly. tend to see a lot of coptic priests italians jews russians jamaicans asians#all united by their lack of spacial awareness. peace and love on planet grocery store.
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The Love Lab presents:
One Bite for You, One Bite for Me
💗 THIS IS MY 100 200 300 FOLLOWER SPECIAL!
pairing: Miguel O’Hara x AFAB!Reader
summary: One of the things you and Miguel bond over is delicious food. One day, you notice that your clothes aren’t fitting like they used to. Miguel is there to remind you how beautiful you are.
content warning: established relationship but they’re not married, 18+ so MDNI, non-Spiderman Miguel, LOTS OF MENTIONS OF FOOD AND DRINKS, weight gain, cycles, insecurity about body, alcohol, body worship, unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up 🫵🏾), cunnilingus, lots of praise, a little Spanish (if wrong please lmk)
credit for art + dividers: Me! + @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
a/n: This is actually the first fic I wrote when my Miguel hyperfixation came back in full force. I based it off of this video and a comment saying that girls are usually the ones that gain weight super quick in a relationship. Please know that gaining weight is not a bad thing, especially in this story. Relationship weight can be positive and food is here to nourish your body! Also know that everyone’s body is different. Our bodies will react to things in different, unique ways. If you’re ever feeling icky about your weight/health, please take a step back, breathe, and know that you’re beautiful no matter what. There are also sources out there that can help you if your thoughts overpower your heart. Please don’t hesitate to seek help.
word count: 4.3k
To all my food-lovers and fellow plus-size girlies, kisses to you! You’re beautiful!
SPRING 🥭
“Baby!”
You grinned as you heard Miguel’s shout from the front door. His voice had a giddy tilt as if he made a breakthrough in one of his projects.
“I was finally able to stop by the new Jamaican spot before they sold out and look what I got us,” Miguel says before he slides the take-out bags across the table. “Ribs, oxtails, rice and beans, mac, and your favorite…fried plantains!”
You quickly untie the bags, happy to have a break from your research paper, and immediately get hit with the smell of spices both sweet and savory. “Oh my god! That looks incredible.”
After frantically digging around for a plastic fork, you were finally able to pull a piece of meat off the oxtail. It looked mouth-watering and tender. One bite of the meat and you’re immediately groaning, slumped in your chair. You nod your head and scrunch your face, watching as the juice from the gravy soaks into the pieces of rice stuck at the bottom of the take-out plate.
“That is so fucking good, Mig. No wonder there’s never any combos left by the time you leave work.”
Miguel just watches you eat with a glint in his eyes, happy to see you so relaxed and enjoying the food. He reaches into the second bag, pulling out two bottles of juice, “And to make it better, I got their fruit juice, made fresh daily-”
“Passionfruit and mango flavor!” Your eyes got big as you jumped up and wrapped your arms around his neck. He knew how much of a juice fanatic you were, so this drink was just the cherry on top of the large ice cream sundae that was your generous boyfriend.
“Thank you, baby,” you giggled and gave his cheek a fat smooch. You patted his chest twice and moved back to set up the table, “Now, hurry and wash up so we can eat this before it gets cold! We’ve got shows to watch.”
“Entendido, I’ll be right back”
SUMMER 🍦
You and Miguel were walking hand in hand along the Cancun Hotel Zone, taking in all the sights. Miguel’s job had given him a promotion along with an extremely high bonus, so what better way to celebrate than to use his PTO and bring the love of his life on vacation?
Granted, the area you guys were currently in was a little touristy, borderline bougie, but it was all worth it when Miguel got to see your eyes light up as you watched the turquoise waves fade into white foam along the shoreline.
You wobbled a bit while clinging to Miguel’s side, a little tipsy from the frozen paloma you drank to pair with today’s lunch. It was a waterfront restaurant with a live band so the vibes were just right for a little bit of liquid fun.
The downside was that the two of you were supposed to meet up with Miguel’s family later that evening and while you were fine with the confidence boost you were sporting, you wanted to be more alert when speaking with loved ones. Plus, you needed to give a good impression to the relatives you hadn’t met yet. It will be nice to put a face to the names of Miguel’s childhood.
“What do you say we stop and get some ice cream?” Miguel suggested, chuckling at you when you grinned up at him, ecstatic over the proposed plan.
“You know me so well,” you said, arms reaching around his waist, face squished into the side of his chest. “I would absolutely love some ice cream. Cool me down from the inside.”
Miguel chuckled and kissed the top of your head. You were especially cute when you got like this.
FALL 🍕
“Baby, check this out,” Miguel shouted, finally returning to your table with your food.
The fair was packed full of people, especially due to the pop-up food truck festival happening that same week. You had never seen more people run to get fried turnip greens and loaded fries in your life.
Still, this was just another chance to hang out with Miguel. You really didn’t care where you went with him, as long as you got to see that pretty smile.
You look down at the table and see what he brought back. Before your eyes sat the most un-Miguel order ever: birria pizza and two walking tacos, one Hot Cheetos and the other Dorritos.
“Dorilocos, Miguel. Really?” you raised an eyebrow watching him try to steady the open chip bags over some spread-out napkins.
“Amor, don’t look at me like that! I had to get them because Gabriel kept talking my ear off about this new food truck that made them better than the ones we used to eat on our trips back home. I, for one, don’t believe that for a second, so what better way to test that theory than to eat it with my baby?” Miguel gave the saddest look he could muster and slid his hand across the table, trying to convince you to indulge with him.
“Fine, fine. Don’t give me that look,” you say, pulling off a slice of the pizza, making the cheese stretch as long as you can. “Just don’t complain to me from the bathroom while your stomach fights to digest something it hasn’t had in over a decade!”
Miguel pursed his lips while shoveling as much food as he could on one Doritto, “Shouldn’t I be the one telling you that? That’s a lot of cheese, babe.”
“Oh my god, some queso tears up my stomach one time and you can’t let that go, can you?”
“It was once and yet you were in agony about it for days. I think I’m allowed to remind you at least monthly.”
“Just eat your food and leave me and my iron stomach alone. We’ll see what happens between today and tomorrow,” you quip, pulling your phone out ready to record Miguel’s reaction to send to Gabriel.
Miguel takes a bite and just leans against the table, head slumped on his clean head.
“Dios mio, he was right. This can’t be happening,” he groaned, slightly annoyed that Gabriel wasn’t exaggerating. He was also shocked at the fact that someone even came close to getting the local snack right.
You giggled behind your phone, happy that his reaction worked in your favor. You zoomed in a little more on his face, capturing him smacking his lips and licking off excess sauce. He was so zoned in on his food that he didn’t even notice you with your phone up.
“Is it good, Mig?” you asked, mirth in your voice.
He looked at you ready to answer but his eyes snapped to your camera and started to whine, “Amor, please stop recording!”
With a small smile, you made sure to add the video to your folder full of Miguel. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You just look so cute, I couldn’t help it.”
Miguel just mumbled to himself while stacking up another chip, neck heated over the interaction. “Here, just try this,” he said, holding a nacho close to your mouth.
You opened your mouth, just barely getting the chip in. Cupping your hand under your head, you begin to hum, the flavors all tangy, spicy, and savory. “I don’t know what your childhood Dorilocos tasted like, but this is really freaking good.”
“Just know that this one is only slightly better. By 0.00001% to be exact,” he said, rubbing sauce off of the corner of your lips and licking it off. The movement was muscle memory for him as he always liked to watch your face when you ate food, especially when it came to any nostalgic or homecooked dishes you never tried before. It warmed his heart to see you find comfort in his favorite foods.
“Well, I can tell you it’s 100% better than the ‘Taco Tuesday’ luncheon my job hosted last month. Nothing but unseasoned ground beef, endless black olives, and store-bought guacamole for two hours,” you respond, shuddering at the memory of soppy taco shells and your coworkers complaining about how spicy the mild salsa was.
“On second thought, this is absolutely a step up. Was the guacamole name brand at least?” He asked, peering up at you with a twist on his lips.
“I’m pretty sure it was a grocery store brand, so no.”
“Damn.”
WINTER 🍫
You were at your apartment in your bed, completely covered under the comforter with a fluffy blanket on top.
It was snowing heavily outside and you were freezing. However, your heater tended to make your apartment feel like a sauna, so you kept snatching the blanket off only to put it back on minutes later. Plus, your cycle was here. Your cramps left you lying on your side, rolling back and forth between the cool side of the bed and the warm side.
Physically, you were exhausted, but mentally, you knew you had so much to get done.
Christmas was just around the corner but you still had so many presents left to buy and wrap. Your job was doing the dreaded Secret Santa gift exchange and you were stuck wondering what gift would appeal to the stuck-up director in the accounting department.
You and Miguel were also hosting a small Christmas party amongst your friends, and there was still food left to buy. To top it all off, you were worried about your gift for Miguel, wondering if a silly little apron saying “Kiss me, I’m Irish” would hide the fact that you spent a ridiculous amount of money on some new tech he was eyeing.
You heard the apartment door open and close.
Knowing it was Miguel, you groan out dramatically.
He opens the bedroom door and peaks inside, “Baby?”
You just groan out again, “Everything hurts, Miggy.”
He comes up to bed and sits on the edge, “I know, amor. I’m sorry.” He bends down to kiss your head. “Want me to plug up the heat pack?”
“Yeah,” you say, leaning into his hands. When he gets up to grab the pack, you whine at his absence.
“I know, I know. I’m coming back,” he says, voice soothing.
Instead of turning the pack on, he removes your covers and sits back down on the edge. You shiver a little bit and he’s quick to cover your body with his, rubbing the top of your head as he kisses your temple.
“Are you feeling too bad to eat something for me?” Miguel asks, the timber of his voice settling you.
You shake your head and lean in closer to him.
“I think I want some food,” you reply, squeezing his body. “I haven’t eaten anything yet.”
Miguel tuts as he sits up and pulls you up with him, “That’s no good, baby. You have to eat so you can feel better. Your body needs it.”
You groan again and put your face in his neck, not wanting to move.
“Come on,” Miguel says, rubbing you from your back to your leg. “I got you some soup and a grilled cheese.”
“Did you get the stuff for the hot chocolate bar? For the party?” you whisper.
“Mm hm. Jumbo marshmallows included.”
You nuzzle his neck before you look at him, “Carry me to the kitchen?”
He makes a swift move to wrap your legs around his body and hike you up.
He gets up and holds you close, heading to the kitchen, “Let’s get some food in you, yeah?”
SPRING 🍇
The short spring break trip that Miguel surprised you with has been lovely. Miguel woke you with kisses down your body, taking you to the hilt with his mouth alone. You had to muffle your cries as to not disturb the neighbors in the inn. As his tongue danced inside of you, you gripped his hair with one hand and his head with your thighs. Miguel wouldn’t want it any other way.
After his first course, Miguel treated you to breakfast on the balcony. You two enjoyed looking over the horizon as you ate yogurt parfaits and fluffy omelets.
Later on, the two of you enjoyed a few tours of the vineyard and the city. The sights were beyond compare and the atmosphere was serene.
“Thank you so much for this Miguel,” you say, interrupting the silence.
“Anything for my lady,” he says back. “You’re doing great work this semester so you need the break.” Miguel stopped and turned to you, wrapping his arms around your waist.
You leaned up and kissed him, hands warm on the sides of his face.
You both started to makeout for so long that Miguel forgot about the massage he had planned for you before tonight’s farm-to-table dinner.
Needless to say, he laid you out on your bed and oiled your body down. Your head was in your arms as rubbed his hands up and down your back. His hands were heaven and you felt like puddy by the time he flipped you over.
After he massaged your inner thighs he pounded you into the mattress. Something you’re sure the hired masseuse would never be able to do.
Miguel joked and called it the Miguel Magic Massage when you asked if he offered this special regularly. The price? Being his cariño, his amor, his sweetheart.
By the time dinner started, you were glowing. You felt adored and the courses were amazing.
Miguel made sure everyone knew you were his. His hand never left your thigh the entire meal, staring down the older men sitting at the end table who were looking a little too long at the dip of your dress.
You were oblivious, feeding Miguel bites occasionally and humming at how fresh and delicious everything was.
After the last course was over, the men came to you all’s side of the table quickly. All of them started to make conversation with you, plugging in their businesses, and stuffing their business cards in your hands.
It was as if Miguel was invisible. He scowls deeper when they let out hearty laughs at something you said.
“Are you fellas here with your wives?” Miguel asked loudly, completely irritated. “My wife and I have really enjoyed our time here. It’s a beautiful place for couples.”
Some of the men went red in the face flustered at Miguel catching their scheme. Others just scowled, pissed off at being interrupted.
None of them could answer his question.
You looked at Miguel, eyes heavy and relaxed.
“You gentlemen have a great night,” you said, putting your hand in Miguel’s as he guided you to the exit.
“Your wife, huh?” you asked, core on fire. It was hot watching Miguel get so worked up over you.
“Baby, they were looking at you like you were some fresh meat. Like I wasn’t even sitting there,” he grumbled.
“One of them already offered to bring me on a cruise. He’s staying right next to us,” you say, standing outside your room as Miguel swipes his card at the door. You walked your fingers up his chest, heated over the grit you could see from his profile.
He was oh so upset.
“He’s next to us? Right here?” Miguel asked, voice low.
You nodded as you bit your lip, arm around his neck.
Miguel picked you up and dragged you to the bed. You giggled a little to yourself as he plopped you down. Mission accomplished. Silently, you thank those older men. If it weren’t for their overconfidence, Miguel wouldn’t have been tearing at your clothes like he us right now.
Miguel kept you up almost that whole night, making sure that the neighbors heard your cries. Those old geezers were sure to know his name by the next morning. Buying you a ring wasn’t enough. He needed a bat.
It was all worth it to see the tired and flushed looks of their faces when you all checked out the next day.
SUMMER 🍯
“What the fuck,” you mumble, looking down at the pair of jeans you were trying to put on.
It was early morning. You had a family reunion that you and Miguel would take a bit of a drive to get to.
You made sure that everything was packed the following night. Some clothes to stay for a few days, a few snacks for the road, a book for you to catch up on, and even a crossword puzzle book for Miguel.
You planned ahead. You were diligent. So why is it that when everything else is going right, your pants decide not to button up?
You pulled at the flaps once more, trying your hardest to connect the button with the hole. It fails as they slip from your grasp. You try again, sucking in your stomach as much as you could. You get the button to snap in this time, but it’s digging unbearably into your skin. The zipper fights against you as you try to pull it up.
You huff out in frustration and the pants snap open again.
Defeated, you let out a watery sigh and look in the mirror.
Your stomach was bigger than you last remembered, fupa a little more prominent. Your thighs were also a little thicker, the jeans hugging them a little tight. Your breasts looked a little big in your shirt. The family name stretches a bit more across your bust than the original design intended. Even your face was a little chubbier than normal. When was the last time your jaw was like this? High school?
When did you get like this?
You felt your throat start to burn, a sob building in your system. You’ve always been fine with your body, loving the dips and curves. Adoring your flaws and finding beauty in what society decides is not worthy.
You knew this. You knew that you were beautiful. Why was it so hard to get that thought into your conscience?
You felt the tears roll down as you peeled the jeans off of your legs. They were especially tight at your hips and you wondered how you even forced them past in the first place.
You didn’t know what to do. It was so hot outside, so you needed something comfortable, but those jeans…you had your mind set to wear those jeans.
You rummage through your closet in frustration, pushing and pulling the clothes across the rack.
By the time Miguel found you, you were squatting in the closet, hot tears covering your face.
“Babe, it’s been almost 30 minutes and we need to head out before the work traffic starts-”
Miguel stopped in the doorway as he noticed the state of the closet, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? ¿Que pasó, cariño?”
You wipe furiously at your face, sniffling loud as you hear Miguel push clothes to the side to get to you.
“My pants don’t fit. I don’t think anything else will fit either,” you say, stuttering out your words as Miguel gets to your side.
You let him pull you up into a standing position. You felt defeated.
Miguel looked at you and wiped away the tears that you missed. You feel horrible as your face scrunches up again, tears forming in your eyes.
“No, no, no,” Miguel says, hugging you close. “Listen to me. I know that this feels like a lot, but this is normal. Your body will always change with you. You’re still the same beautiful, gorgeous woman I met years ago and that’s not changing because you got some extra hips, baby.”
“But Miguel,” you say, voice so sad. “I feel like I just got those pants. And. Nothing else in here goes with this shirt. I’m scared that nothing else will fit-”
“And if that’s the case, I’ll buy you new clothes,” Miguel says, pressing kisses over your face. “If these clothes mean that much to you, I’ll take you to the gym. Let me work out with you, but until then, I’m loving your body as is.”
You stare at Miguel, heart beating at his revelation. He stared right back at you, daring you to question or challenge his words.
“Don’t beat yourself up over something like this. If anyone has ever let you feel insecure about your body, they’re an ass, let me deal with them. If I ever do anything to make you feel insecure, tell me. Yell at me. Question me, because as far as I’m concerned, that’s not me.”
He hiked you up on the closet island in the middle of the room. You shiver a bit as your naked legs hit the wood.
He leans closer, placing his hands on the side of you, “Now, let’s think. Don’t you have a pair of cargo shorts that match the ones I’m wearing right now?”
You whisper out a yes.
“Would you be ok with wearing those? I’m sure they fit perfectly.”
You say yes again, head leaning onto his. You could accessorize it perfectly. It would make a great couple’s look.
Miguel knew this much, he just had to get you to see it.
“I love you, ok?” he says, voice clear.
“I love you, too. Thank you,” you say.
“Anything for my girl,” Miguel says. “My beautiful girl. She’s just for me. I can’t believe it.”
Your heart beats faster as he starts to kiss down your body.
“Her face is so lovely.” A kiss to your cheek and your lips.
“She’s always working so hard.” A kiss to your neck and your collarbone. He pulls your shirt over your head.
“She makes me so happy.” A suck to your breasts as he unclasps your bra.
“Her body is beyond comparison.” A trail of kisses down your stomach, your belly twitching as his breath twinkles on along your skin. “Soft. Amazing. Irresistible.”
“Her thighs are my earmuffs.” A caress to your inner thighs. Your legs snap a bit, ticklish at his ministrations.
“Miguel?” you whimper out.
“I have to relax you before this ride. Can’t have you upset,” he says, kissing his way up your thighs to your panties. “May I?”
You nod your head, fingers grasping at nothing but then a flat surface.
Miguel was swift. He pulled your underwear down and kissed at your clit. You could only hold tight as he pulled your body forward and dove in.
It wasn’t long before you were shaking like a leaf. Miguel sucked at you for minutes, pulling a long orgasm out of your system.
He kneaded your thighs as you trembled around his tongue, humming as your legs squeezed tighter. That was the queue for him to go further, so he added his fingers to the mix, moving his mouth up so that his fingers could pump in and out of you.
It took all of your strength not to let your body drop off the other side of the island.
“Miggy, please,” you wailed. You wanted more.
Miguel looked up at you whining above him. You pull your legs up, holding your hands under your thighs, practically begging for him.
Miguel kissed up your body again. He was swift with removing his clothes. You still had to have these clothes fresh for later and Miguel was about to wear you out.
He moved to push himself inside of you, grunting as you gripped him.
He replaced your hands with his and pulled your legs up by his head. You balanced yourself on the island as he slowly started to thrust.
“So good. Just for me,” Miguel said, watching as your body moved with his movement. “Perfect. And all mine.”
You remained quiet, whimpering softly as he dragged against you.
“You heard me, hermosa?” Miguel said. “You’re beautiful. C’mon. Say it for me.”
“I’m,” you stopped, mind foggy. You didn’t know how you were supposed to respond when he was going so deep.
“Say it.”
You cried out as he snapped harder, “I’m beautiful.”
“That’s right baby,” Miguel praises you, bending further to give you a kiss. “So amazing.”
He praised you until you finished, squeezing at any of you that he got his hands. By the time he was done, your arms felt like jelly from holding you up.
He carried you to the bathroom for a quick shower, never stopping his reassurances of you.
You guys made it in the car an hour and a half off schedule, but it was worth it for the uplifted way you carried yourself throughout the day.
It was worth it to see you happy and healthy.
By the time you made it to the reunion, it was like you were born anew. You greeted your family with smiles and laughter. Miguel couldn’t help but to cheese watching you do your thing.
He felt his heart soar as you caught up with family. Your smile was the biggest as you were out on the floor line dancing your heart out. He was right up behind you when Outstanding came on. The song was really a declaration of how he felt about you.
You giggled as he crooned in your ear.
“You light my fire,” he sang, swinging your hips in time with his.
“I feel alive with you, baby,” he spins you around to him, a smile on his face.
“You blow my mind,” he pulled you out and back in.
“I’m satisfied,” you squeal as he spins you in the air and puts you back down to keep dancing.
Outstanding. You really knock him out.
Another season where Miguel adored you more.
Another season where Miguel wanted you to be forever his.
Another season where he made sure he fed you well.
Another season of you making his heart pound.
Another season of your love reaching to the fullest.
Miguel was excited for the next season with you.
As always, I hope you enjoyed reading! 💗
Any likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated. Let me know how you feel! 🥺🧁
Until next time,
-Lauro 💗
#love lab fics 🧫#to the lab testers 🩻#miguel o’hara x reader#miguel o’hara x fem!reader#miguel o’hara x plussize!reader#miguel o’hara x chubby!reader#miguel x reader#x plus size reader#x chubby reader#miguel o'hara#miguel o'hara imagine#miguel o’hara smut#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o'hara x fem!reader#spiderman 2099 x you#spiderman 2099 x reader#miguel spiderverse
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Hobie HC's
Is of Jamaican descendant. His grandparents moved to England from Jamaica because of the job opportunities.
Has 5 older sisters and he's the youngest. (Knows how to treat women)
Is his dads favourite child.
Knows how to cook Jamaican dishes and does it passionately.
He loves jerk chicken. (Who doesn't?)
Has a big family. Uncles and aunties and a whole bunch of cousins ranging from 30s to babies.
Very family orientated before he was bitten.
Is distant to them now so they won't be in danger. Only close to his immediate family but only see them a few times.
His extended family think he's a rebel and a disappointment but they don't know him like his family do.
Excelled at school even though he thinks the school system is fraud.
Got his first piercing when he was 14. Asked his 5th born sister to go with him.
Had a hard time hiding the fact he is Spiderman until he found a place of his own. Small cheap apartment.
Hates politicians.
If some of them were campaigning to be Prime Minister he would would play his guitar on multiple speakers on high volume to disturb.
Has a good amount of money from when he modelled. Designers were begging him to model their latest outfits because they loved his look. Tall and slim. Immediately quit after big brands were after him. Did not want that kind of attention.
Prefers to do small shows with his band.
Was given so many numbers on pieces of paper from girls backstage.
Does not call any of them.
When he met Miles, got the need to protect him like an older brother. Was a nice change for him.
Has been suspicious of Miguel but doesn't show it. Waited till something happened aka Miles.
Can sip Wray and Nephews and not feel a thing. He has a limit tho.
Has a folder of drawings from kids that draw him.
Is an uncle to a nephew and two nieces. Sends them gifts 'from uncle Hobs'.
Check out the Miles 1610 HC’s right here
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Hobie Brown's Slang
Okay, here is a bit of criticism and advise for how to write Hobie Brown's (from Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse) speech patterns.
When I read fics on Hobie Brown, the slang that he uses is not AT ALL the type of slang he uses in the movie. Fics like to use stereotypical British slang like 'wanker' or 'gheezer' and while it is sometimes said, it's not used often by youth in the UK nowadays.
Instead, the type of slang he uses is called 'Road' slang or 'Roadman' slang. I believe it's a mixture of Jamaican and British terms (please do correct me if I'm wrong, I may be British myself but I don't know everything).
For example, in the movie, Hobie says 'man like Miles, my guy!' after Miles goes against the Canon event. He's basically hyping Miles up - the term 'man like' is often followed up by a name to (as said before) hype that person up and praise them, in a way.
Another example of him using road slang is when he calls Miles a 'youngen' - it's quite obvious what he means by it, he's basically calling him a kid. This term is usually used by people who are quite a bit older than the recipient. In fact, it was his use of this term that solidified my theory of him being quite a few years older than Miles and thus, of him not being as much of a potential love interest for Gwen as an older brother figure for her.
Now, how do you write road slang? By learning it through watching people who use it often and understanding the context.
Some real people you can watch and learn the speech patterns of Hobie Brown through include:
KSI (the youtuber)
Mo Gilligan (the comedian)
Babatunde Aléshé (also a comedian)
And a series on Netflix that I highly recommend you watch in order to really understand the way he talks (though the above examples are good ways too) is the series 'Top Boy'. Though, a fair warning that it's quite the violent series due to it being about UK gangs.
Please keep in mind that this post is NOT AT ALL made to attack writers or put them down for the way they write Hobie, it is only here to inform and teach you how to write his speech patterns properly because he 100% deserves the accurate representation.
Hobie Brown is an amazing character that made me so happy to see on screen because he actually seems like a guy I would know and be friends with in real life rather than a stereotypical depiction of a British person that you see often in media nowadays. I feel the same way about Pavitr and the way the movie didn't stereotypically depict South Asians.
To see both my ethnicity and nationality being accurately depicted in western media is just an amazing feeling that I wish to convey to you all.
Love, a very happy spiderman fan.
(Update: I now have a post where I write Hobie's speech patterns myself so you can also use that as an example if you wish. But again, the examples listed above are much better to learn from since my one post can only teach you so much.)
#hobie brown#spider man: across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#spider punk#hobie x you#hobie x reader#pavitr prabhakar#spiderman atsv#atsv#atsv spoilers#hobie brown x reader
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#it’s just pure perfection#just like#well that’s probably an interesting rabbit she’s chasing#I wonder when I’ll actually get to find out what it is via @truxi-twice
The funniest moment in 3x07 is when Mabel has a breakthrough with the case, and starts pacing as she's theorising, walking away from Theo - who makes this face -
This is the 1000 yard stare of a man who has accepted the fact that Mabel will always keep forgetting that he's deaf.
#i had to pause the ep because i was laughing and missed mabel's whole ramble#the little face journey of just 'hey wh-... ah well there she goes again'#'i'll just demonstratively *lean* until you realize what went wrong - oop you're too excited to notice. i'll work with what i have'#poor man#no wonder he 'can't figure her out' despite his clear advantage over toblerone#he's probably working off of 50 percent of what she says /on a good day/#i would have *loved* to get a glimpse into how they got to this level of friendship tbh#but i adore that their communication is still visibly a work in progress but they still like to hang out#also love this ep for letting theo be funny#between this and his face after mabel turned 'sfx' into 'bad jamaican accents' caverly was the absolute mvp of this episode#only murders in the building#theo dimas#mabel mora#james caverly#hilarious
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Five's Audition Tape
So, here's another one-shot I wrote a little while ago that I originally never intended on posting. But as I try and work on some new things, I figured I'd put this out there. It's another sweet, funny, sexy glimpse into the life of Five and his wife Vivian from my original series Halo. If you enjoy this one, you might like my full one-shot series of my two favorite horny lovebirds.
Summary: Vivian catches Five singing in the shower and secretly records the evidence. When she's caught, she tries to hide from him, which ends in some major rearranging of their kitchen pantry. What she doesn't know, though, is that their little closet bang is not the private moment they intended.
Five x Female OC, 4,179 words, one-shot
Warnings: Smut, Closet sex
Five thought it was a safe space. He thought he was alone. Alone and free to sing loudly and unabashedly in the shower without fear of judgment. He was very, very wrong. Because if there was one thing his wife lived for, it was catching him doing something stupid and using it for her own, personal gain.
No one would ever have thought in a million years that Number Five Hargreeves not only knows the lyrics to Shaggy’s 2000 hit Angel, but also secretly loves it and sings it at the top of his lungs when no one else is around. No one would have thought he’d do the accent when he sang it, either. But yet, there he was, scrubbing his hair behind the safety of the shower door, and singing lines like:
Looking back Shorty always a mention
Said me not giving her much attention
She was there through my incarceration
I wanna show the nation my appreciation
Unfortunately for Five, he was not alone in the house like he thought he was. Vivian just happened to get home from work early and had come upstairs to change when she heard the speaker in the bathroom blasting out the Reggae-heavy song, accompanied by her husband’s very bad Jamaican accent.
She froze in place outside of the bathroom door, one hand on the doorknob and the other over her mouth to suppress her glee. She didn’t even know what to do first, she was so excited. Should she barge in and surprise him, scaring him and embarrassing him at the same time? Should she keep it to herself as ammo for the next time he annoys her? Or should she sneak in, record an audio clip on her phone, and send it out to his entire family? The choice was obvious.
With her phone in hand, Viv slowly and as quietly as possible turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. The music was playing loud enough that he shouldn’t have been able to hear her enter, and he couldn’t see through the frosted glass of the shower door. Still, she crept in on tiptoes, her phone already recording his secret bathroom concert. As she bit her lip to stifle the laughter that threatened to peal out of her at any second, Five continued to sing about his darling angel being closer to him than his peeps.
After she had recorded several seconds of it, she turned around to sneak back out the door. As she turned, though, her sleeve caught on a bottle of lotion next to the sink, tipping it over with a loud thump. Viv froze in place and Five immediately stopped singing. There was a brief pause of silence, and then the shower door flew open with a bang, revealing Five standing there with a deep frown of confusion on his face. Their eyes locked for a second before he looked down to the phone in her hand and then back up at her face. Viv broke into a grin. Then she made a run for it.
Normally, this would be a futile effort, since no matter how fast or far she tried to get away from Five, he always popped up in a blue flash, cutting her off from her escape with a cocky smile. But she had caught him off guard this time, and when she sprinted out of the bathroom, she slammed the door behind her so that he didn’t get a good look where she went running off to. By the time Five got his wits about him and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist, she was long gone. Hidden somewhere in the house.
As Five began blinking randomly around the house, disappearing and reappearing in different rooms and closets, he smiled to himself. He was well trained in the art of tracking and hunting another human, but this was a very different game of cat and mouse they were playing. And he was most definitely going to be preying on this particular little mouse when he eventually caught up with her. Five stopped when he blinked into the living room. He pushed a hand through his wet hair and ran his tongue over his teeth with a smile.
“You know I’m going to find you, Vivie,” he called out. “You are a terrible hider and you can’t walk more than two feet without stepping on something or knocking something over.” He stopped and listened, but the house remained silent. “Brat,” he muttered to himself with a laugh.
He continued his blink-and-seek game, teleporting everywhere he could think of that she may have gone. He even blinked up to the attic, which he knew she couldn’t have easily gotten to, and almost bashed his head on the low rafters. She actually had him stumped for a minute, until he appeared in the kitchen and heard a noise. It was quiet, but he’d definitely noticed it. It was a crunching sound, like the sound of gravel beneath a shoe. Five smirked as he honed in on the location of the noise. In one perfectly calculated blink, he rematerialized inside the food pantry closet.
“Gotcha,” he declared just as Viv shrieked and took a step back, her back hitting the shelf behind her and knocking over another packet of crackers that had given her away in the first place. Five was right, she was a bad hider.
Five held her by her upper arms, a devious grin spreading across his face in the dim light, and squeezed his grip tighter. Viv was breathing hard from running and from being startled, but she laughed breathily.
“Hi, honey,” she said sweetly. “How was your shower?”
“It was very nice until I was rudely interrupted. Now tell me, my love, what were you doing with your phone?” Five glanced over at the shelf where Viv had set the phone, the screen still lit up with the family group chat ready to go. His green eyes flitted back to her face as she tried not to laugh again. “Oh, you think this is funny?”
“Do I think walking in on my elderly-but-not-really, ex-assassin, hard-ass, time-traveling husband singing a 2000’s Reggae/rap song in a fake Jamaican accent is funny and I need his entire family to hear it?” She beamed up at him with fluttering eyelashes. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
Five sighed loudly, tilting his head back before meeting her eyes again with a pitying look. “You know what’s going to happen now, don’t you, angel?”
Viv’s nervous swallow was audible in the small space they occupied. “You’re going to blink us both out of this closet and you’ll forget all about it?”
Five closed in on her, his half-naked body still damp with beads of water from the shower, his hair falling in pieces onto his forehead. He leaned in until his mouth was next to her ear, rubbing his cheek against hers.
“Wrong,” he whispered darkly.
He pressed up against her, pushing her harder against the shelves, the towel around his waist doing nothing to disguise his rapidly hardening erection. He moved his hands down to her wrists and held them tightly as he breathed hard against her neck. Viv could feel his damp hair tickling her face; his chest flush with hers.
“I do love it when you misbehave like this. It really gets me going.”
“Five,” Viv weakly protested, letting out a small laugh. “We’re in the kitchen pantry and our son is going to be home very soon. I’m not going to…”
She was cut off by Five’s thigh that he shoved between her legs, as well as the sharp nip he gave her neck as his hands tightened on her wrists.
“You’ll do what I tell you to do,” he hissed. “And right now I’m telling you to turn around and get that skirt up.”
It was dark in the closet, but enough light was coming in from around the door to illuminate Viv’s face so that Five could see the flicker of a smile cross her lips and that look in her eye that meant she liked what she heard. After years of marriage, he could read her like a book. And even if he couldn’t, the rapid change to her breathing would be a big hint.
She looked him in the eyes and whispered. “Let go of my wrists, then.”
Five let his grip on her go and Viv slowly turned around, just like he told her to; her ass brushing against him in the process because of the close quarters. She reached down and hiked up the hem of her pencil skirt, pulling it all the way up to her waist before grabbing onto the wire shelves containing their household dry goods with two hands. She pushed back against him as he let out a dark chuckle.
“Sometimes I think you do things just so you can be punished.”
With a firm tug on her hips, Five pulled her back, the large tent of his towel pressing harder against her backside. Viv’s hands tightened onto the shelves as she felt the towel drop to the floor and Five’s fully erect cock sprang to attention before rubbing between her ass cheeks and the thin material of her panties. His mouth was on her neck, hard and rough, as he started to mark the space next to her shoulder with his teeth. He let out a groaning sigh as he moved to another spot to do the same thing.
“What do you think, bad girl…” he mused quietly as his lips traveled to a new, unmarred area of her neck. “Are you wet enough for me yet?”
Five’s hand found its way around to her front, his long fingers creeping into the side of her panties and sliding up through her silken folds. He paused to bite down on the other side of her neck as a loud gasp caught in her throat. He continued his exploration, spreading her slick over her entire swollen heat, ending at her clit and expertly massaging it. Viv rocked her hips back and forth, wanting more pressure from his hand in front and his cock from behind.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Five smirked as she whimpered sweetly for him.
He considered his options of pushing her underwear to the side or removing them completely. He liked the idea of sliding inside of her while she was still fully clothed. But he also wanted as much access as he could get, so he removed his hand and shoved them down her hips so that they dropped to the ground around her feet. Viv automatically stepped out of them, her heels tapping on the floor as she readjusted and spread her legs apart.
Five wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in tightly while using his other hand to position himself against her entrance, pushing inside of her with one thrust. The low growl he let out mixed with her moans as he bent her over as far as possible in the small space.
“That’s…oh yeah…that’s good,” Viv whined, hanging her head down and closing her eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt you, darling, but I need to fuck you hard,” Five warned, his voice tight with restraint.
Viv nodded eagerly. “I’ll let you know if it’s too much.”
He didn’t say anything else, just started pounding into her. Viv clutched onto the shelves tighter, Five’s hands wrapping around hers and squeezing them hard to steady himself as he nailed his wife from behind. The shelves began to shake and squeak loudly with the activity, the items on top of them shifting and falling over.
“Fi-ive…f-uu-ck…”
“Too much?” Five rasped between gritted teeth, continuing to drive his dick deeper and harder inside.
“Nooo…” Viv moaned. “No…keep going…more…”
“That’s my girl.”
Five’s grip tightened even more as he concentrated on giving her the fuck of her life. The added intensity shook the shelving unit harder; boxes of pasta and cereal, containers of rice, cookies, and crackers falling over and spilling onto the ground. Viv narrowly missed getting hit by a can of soup that rolled off the top shelf and loose Froot Loops were being crushed into brightly colored powder beneath Five’s bare feet.
“I. Love. You. So. Goddamn. Much.” Five was grunting with each thrust, his hips slapping against her ass while she made little whimpering noises, biting at her lips. “Even when you’re an evil little brat.”
Five…Five…I need…” she was gasping, trying to suck in air and talk at the same time.
“What, baby…tell me.”
“I need my hand,” Viv pleaded, trying to free her hand from under his.
Five let go of his right hand so she could release her own before grabbing back on again for leverage. Viv’s hand dropped down between her legs to finger herself while she was being railed as hard as possible.
“Vivie…” Five grated out, his voice hoarse. “I can’t keep…fuck, you feel so good!”
With Five’s amazing cock slamming viciously inside her and aided by her own fingers, Viv’s orgasm rippled through her body, her muscles contracting as she tried to hold back the loud screams that threatened to erupt out of her.
“Fuck!” Five yelled, clearly not concerned with his volume level, despite the fact that they may not have been alone in the house, or in a private area.
His own climax seemed to last forever as he pressed hard against her, pushing her against the shelves until her body was being crushed. The adrenaline from the intense finish masked the pain Viv normally would have felt if her chest was being smashed into the blunt edge of a pantry shelf. With their bodies starting to relax and their breathing still loud and gasping, Viv brought her arm up and rested her head on her forearm as she closed her eyes and sighed happily.
Five held her to him for a little longer, before slipping out of her and kissing the back of her neck. After a few more heaving breaths, Five moved aside so that Viv could straighten up and pull her skirt down.
“Now hand over the evidence,” Five panted, holding his hand out, palm up.
Viv had almost forgotten what landed them in the closet in the first place, and she glanced around. She saw the glowing light of her phone that had fallen onto the floor, along with all the food items. With a short laugh, she dove for it before Five could get at it.
“No chance in hell,” she smirked.
“Vivie…I swear to god if you send that to my—”
At that moment, from one of the upper shelves, an opened bag of flour tipped on its side and came crashing down, creating a giant plume of white dust that settled over everything and everyone in the tiny closet. They both cried out in horror.
As they stood there, covered head to toe in flour, with pulverized food debris and questionable other things on the floor, they blinked at one another in stunned silence. Viv was the first to start, beginning with a quiet snort that quickly devolved into her doubling over with laughter, then coughing from inhaling flour dust. As she tried to both laugh and cough at the same time, Five started in with a low chuckle while shaking his head like a dog to free the thick layer of white powder from his dark hair.
Just then, they both heard a noise from outside the pantry door. It was the sound of footsteps getting closer, followed by the voice of their son singing along quietly to some song that was playing on the noise-canceling headphones he seemed to wear at all hours of the day and night. As it turned out, this was a good thing, because neither one of them were entirely sure how loud they had been or how long he had been home. And even if they had kept their own noises to a minimum, the sound of crashing dry goods all around them should have been loud enough.
Viv’s eyes widened, knowing their teenage son was bound to be headed to the closet that housed all of the snacks. She looked up at Five, who read her mind and quickly grabbed her arm before blinking them out of there and into their bathroom upstairs.
As James headed in the direction of the sugary treats he was craving, he noticed the unmistakable flash of blue light coming from behind the closed door of the pantry. There were only two people in the house that could have made that particular color of light and he was one of them. He frowned before continuing closer. He took the headphones off and left them hanging around his neck.
“Dad?” he called, confused as to why in the hell his father would be inside a closed kitchen pantry. “What are you…”
James opened the door and stared inside. He wasn’t sure how a tornado could have ripped through one tiny closet while sparing the rest of the home, but that’s what it looked like. A dense cloud of flour still hung in the air and he waved his hand in front of his face and coughed. It was empty of any people, but it was certainly filled with a giant mess.
Boxes, cans, and plastic containers that once stored various food items were knocked over and either lying on their sides or upside down. Dried pasta and beans were mixed with a million grains of rice scattered into every crack and crevice of the floor. When he looked down and saw the remains of his favorite cereal which was now nothing but a bright pink and blue powder, he groaned sadly.
“No! Not my Froot Loops!”
Then he realized what else he was looking at. There, on the floor in a heap, and covered in a thick layer of white flour, was a wet bathroom towel and a pair of women’s underwear. James’ face fell and he couldn’t decide whether to scream or vomit. He clenched his teeth together and balled up his fists, unintentionally mimicking his dad.
“Seriously? In the food?” he grumbled out loud to himself. Then he threw his head back and yelled in the general direction of the upper floor, where he now knew his parents had escaped to. “You guys owe me a box of Froot Loops! And stop being so gross! People eat in here!”
There was no answer, but he sighed angrily and stuck his headphones back on, blinking himself one of the last bags of chips that were still intact before stalking back to his bedroom.
“And they wonder why I don’t want my friends to come over. Maybe because my parents are the two most disgusting people on the planet,” he muttered to himself while shoving a handful of Doritos into his mouth. “This family is so fucking embarrassing.”
Five had managed to blink himself and Vivian into their bathroom upstairs, which was now also covered in flour. Still stifling their laughs, they rinsed off in the shower, trying their best not to make a paste out of the mixture of water and flour in their hair. After cleaning up and toweling off, Viv was squeezing out the water from her hair when Five remembered something.
“Hey, where’s your phone? You still need to delete that shit off there.”
Viv eyed her phone on the bathroom counter and quickly grabbed it, clutching it to her chest. “No way, I’m not deleting that. That’s pure gold!”
“Vivian…” Five started in a threatening manner.
She smiled. “I promise I won’t do anything with it unless you piss me off or I need blackmail for something. Besides, it’s adorable.”
Five huffed. “Shut up.”
“Don’t tell me to shut up. You wouldn’t want to make me mad now, would you? There’s no telling what I might do…” She playfully held up her phone, pretending she was going to send something to the family group chat that had already been opened before their closet fucking had started.
Five frowned. “Why is the text thread blowing up?”
Viv turned the screen toward her and saw that new messages were flying in, one after another, all from Five’s siblings.
Diego: Holy shit, I almost crashed the fucking car
Luther: What the hell? 🤯
Lila: Oh god, I just threw up in my mouth
Luther: This was so much worse than walking in on you
Diego: Seriously, what is wrong with you two?
Viktor: I need to wash my ears out. With bleach
Klaus: Hey, what are we talking about?
Luther: I cannot express to you how much I never want to hear that again
Lila: Vivian, I have lost all respect for you
Klaus: Seriously, what’s going on? I accidentally left my phone on the bus for 5 hours and I just got it back. Eww, it’s sticky
Viktor: Please lose my number
Sloane: Really…that was pretty bad you guys
Diego: You are no longer invited to family game night
Lila: I hate you both
Klaus: Oh hey, there’s an audio message on here!
Luther: There is a child living in your home. Did you think about that? No, you only think of yourselves
Sloane: I’m sure he wasn’t home
Lila: I bet he was. Poor thing. I’m calling social services
Viktor: She’s just kidding, guys, no one is calling social services. But still…gross
Diego: The worst part is that I had just picked up some Thai food. Can’t eat now. Thanks a lot
Klaus: 🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀
Klaus: Didn’t think I could die but I just did
Klaus: I’m keeping this for future use. Next time send a video, I need a visual for maximal effect 🍆✊💦
Luther: Klaus, you’re disgusting!
Diego: Don’t yell at him, he doesn’t know any better. The other two know that it’s wrong. So, so wrong
Lila: Did there have to be dialogue? Can’t you shut up for the two seconds it takes you to blow your load Five? I can’t unhear that
Viktor: This is now the top most traumatizing thing I’ve had happen in my life. Which says a lot
Luther: You two have some serious issues, you know that?
Klaus: Has anyone seen my red sparkly belt? I need it for tonight
Diego: Klaus, how can you ask that now? And no, no one has seen your stupid belt
Klaus: Oh, are we still talking about the Fivey Fuck Fest? I thought we moved on
Lila: I want out of this family
Sloane: If I have to be here, so do you
Luther: I think we need to establish some rules for this group chat
Diego: Who made you ruler of the group chat? But yeah, we do
Luther: Rule #1: NO SEX IN ANY MEDIA FORMAT ON THE FAMILY TEXT THREAD
Luther: Everyone in agreement?
Diego: 🙋♂️
Lila: 🙋♀️
Viktor: 🙋♂️
Sloane: 🙋♀️
Klaus: 👎
Luther: Great, majority rules
Five stared at the phone, then back at Vivian, then back at the phone, his eyebrows crunched together.
“Did you…did we…”
Viv cringed. “I think so, yeah.”
Five pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes to gather himself. “Let me get this straight. You just sent an audio message of us doing it, loudly, to my entire family?”
“It would appear so, yes.”
“Vivian!” he cried, throwing his hands in the air.
Viv pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “It was an accident!”
“An accident that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t think you were so fucking funny and recorded me singing in the shower!”
The giggles she had been holding back started to bubble out. “I’m sorry. But it’s a little funny, don’t you think?”
“Not really, no.”
“Oh.” Viv snorted back a laugh and then fixed her face in an attempt to look serious again. “At least it was a good performance by you. I mean, it could have been worse.”
Five narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean? When is it not a good performance?”
“Oh my god, Five! You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.” She looked down at her phone and started typing.
“What are you doing now?” Five asked.
“Trying to apologize…hang on…wait, why can’t I…oh those assholes!” she said, looking up at Five in shock.
“What?”
“They removed us from the group chat. What the fuck?”
Five stood there for a minute and then he started laughing. “Now, that actually is funny.”
Viv grinned. “Now I kind of want to do it again. Just to fuck with them.”
Five leaned in to kiss her. “I have no problems doing that again. But let’s keep the next session a little more private, shall we? And maybe with a little less involvement of unsecured baking ingredients.”
#five hargreeves#number five#umbrella academy#five hargreeves fanfic#number five fanfiction#umbrella academy fanfic#number five smut#number five fanfic#five hargreeves smut#tua fanfic#smut#sexy closet time#funny#sweet#my five#five and vivie my otp#badkittywrites
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Man, Connie Springer is so obsessed with his girlfriend it’s not even funny..like he can’t keep his hands of you, especially if your chubby like he would constantly grab on your tummy when he stands behind you, and squeeze the back rolls that you hate but he loves, he can’t resist touchin up on your ass especially when you wear baggy jeans, you always felt comfy in them cus being suffocated by the “stretchy” denim that was always cut too small for your broad hips and thighs, and easily rubbed holes in between them was simply irritating. He loves the feeling of your boobs, you hate how they aren’t even in size but he loves them, not because he has to since you’re his girl, but he genuinely thinks your the best thing like..better than Jamaican food, (and you both love that shit) he loves suckin on em too. Your huge nipples always in his mouth, you always made fun of them and called them melted chocolate Hershey kisses but the way he sucked on them convinced you that they tasted the same..Don’t even get me started on your pussy, he loves the thick layer of fat on your labia that hid your pretty brown clit, he loves to see your acrylic nails spread your lips apart and toy with the bud, he loved to suck on it and watch it jiggle as it bounced back into it’s hiding spot after he let it go, he loved kissing on your cheeks….Both of em! You looked adorable with glasses on and he loved to smoosh them when you were asleep, and squeezes your lips while you drool on his shirt, girl at the end of the day, when the sun set and the moon come out n shit, you were his pretty princess pookie bear, and he wouldn’t trade you for the world.<3
˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆
…😝 didnt even mean to make it this long like i just aint wanna stop writing…anyways i missed my tonka butts hope ya like this lil sum sum! ~ 𝓁ℯ𝓁ℯ<3
#attack on titan#black reader#black coded reader#fem reader#iwanty0uu#aot fanfiction#aot x black reader#aot x y/n#connie x black reader#aot connie#connie smut#connie x black y/n#connie springer#connie x you#aot smut#aot x you#aot x reader#aot#female#black y/n#black women#x reader
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Unpopular opinion:
Pride and ego is NOT a bad thing when you correct it and when you build it healthily. There’s a reason why so many women are willing to act like someone they’re not, let a man tell them who they can and can’t be, etc. Who in tf are you in this world? YOU control the answer to that question. And the longer you don’t know who you are, the longer you’ll be manipulated, moulded, and played into being someone else for someone who doesn’t even love you for you. Your ego is your protector. Hence why it’s a natural part of childhood development, around the ages when you get more social interaction with the outside world. So if you’re walking around without much of an ego, you’re walking around with little to no protection. That’s the equivalent to living in a house without locks. Or leaving your car unlocked at all times. Does that sound smart to you? And could you be surprised when you’re an easy victim for others to invade your space and take from you? No. You couldn’t. So for those of you who lack ego and pride and are always taken advantage of: what tf are you surprised or shocked about? You’re literally allowing yourself to step out into the world unprotected. Despite knowing how dangerous the world can be. You’re not a perpetual victim to life. Life/God doesn’t hate you. You’re just a vulnerable person who has, for some reason, kept yourself vulnerable in a place full of danger. Can you be surprised when people view you as someone who’s easy to take advantage of and use? No. And don’t mistake this for being blamed for other peoples actions. That’s on them. But you definitely can be blamed yourself for your actions (or lack thereof), such as: NOT putting in boundaries, NOT protecting yourself, CHOOSING to keep yourself vulnerable.
With that being said, how can someone “love you, for you” when there is no core “you” to show them? And that’s exactly what your ego is. Who you are as a human being that you show to the world. It’s your strengths that you put on the forefront when you’re manoeuvring through life. It’s also a fraction your authentic self as a human being - hence why people who are not authentic have such fragile egos. They’re easily hurt, right? Easily put down and diminished without much confidence left afterwards. The people who either don’t fight back against injustice towards them, or they do, but they don’t know how to fight back effectively. It’s quite illogical to expect for people to love you for you when you wouldn’t even be able to tell/show someone who you truly are - simply because you don’t even know who you are. Or because you don’t think that who you are is good enough so you’re willing to pretend to be someone that you’re not.
Please understand, ladies, this world will chew you up and spit you out if you ALLOW it to. Define who you are and stick to that, and don’t ever change unless the change is what YOU want. More men do exactly the opposite, and that’s why you can’t tell men shit about themselves. For better or for worse. They know who they are a lot more than we do and they stick to it. The ones who don’t are the ones who are taken advantage of by others - just like many of us.
I could never understand how so many girls and women around me were so willing to ALLOW a man to tell them how they should/shouldn’t dress. Who they can and can’t be friends with. Where they can and can’t go. How they can and can’t act - especially in relationships. It confused me and, I’m not gonna lie, I thought that it was just stupidity on women’s part that played a part in that. But I had to check myself and identify the difference between women that I knew who were like that and women who weren’t - instead of just boiling it down to mass idiocy through my own ignorance. I was raised around a lot of brothers, and a Jamaican family in general. Jamaicans are known for being quite prideful (ngl, in more toxic ways), but my brothers would also never allow me to let other people tell me who I should and shouldn’t be. Thats when I came to the conclusion that the major difference is pride and ego (which is heavily linked to self respect and self esteem). Thats when I realised that it wasn’t stupidity - it was brainwashing and conditioning. And I believe that for centuries, men broke down the egos of women because they know the truth about being egotistical. They know that when you’re egotistical, you’re not going to allow someone else to impose on who you think that you are, for the sake of pleasing them. You’re going to be confident in yourself and not put yourself as a lesser being to someone else, which only leads to you becoming a complete people pleaser or a doormat. Basically the perfect victim for those who want to control and manipulate.
There’s a reason why so many women who have acted like doormats feel so much shame after all is said and done. Thats your ego and pride telling you that you deserved better and you knew it deep down the whole time. That you haven’t acted in a way that you can even be proud of yourself (because of your lack of pride). And that you put up with bs that you should’ve cut off time ago. Think about it.
#pick a card#psychic readings#pac#tarot reading#pick a photo#pac reading#pick a picture#tarot#divination#spirituality
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