#how to be cheap as bitch 101

[homopulu]

Are you looking for a cheap laundry detergent? Are you like me and can't stand any fragnances and strong, artificial smells, especially in your clothing? Are you enviromentally conscious and want to make better choises for our planet?

Then hear me out because this is the best and cheapest laundry detergent that you can make and it's also unscented, vegan and nature friendly. All you need is

- baking soda, also known as sodium bicarbonate. It's super cheap and you can find large sacks of it in any hardware store, it is also used for soda blasting and baking (well duh).

- washing soda aka sodium carbonate. can be found in most larger stores but you can make it yourself from baking soda. Simply put baking soda on a baking tray in the oven in 392°F / 200°C degrees for an hour, stir soda around a few times during baking. Let it cool before use. Can be irritating when breathed or if it comes to eye contact.

- epsom salt aka magnesium sulfate. Can be found in most health and / or agricultural stores. Can be used for many other things like bath salts, diy skincare etc.

- table salt aka sodium chloride, literally the stuff that you put on your food.

To mix ingredients take a bucket and put in

7dl / 2.8 cups of baking soda

7dl / 2.8 cups of washing soda

2dl / 0.8 cups of epsom salt

2 spoonfulls of table salt

Mix ingredients and be carefull, you don't want to breath in this stuff, it stings. And obviously don't eat it. It won't kill you but it's not very delicious either. You can make a larger or a smaller batch, just double or halve the ingredients.

Then you just use it like you would store bought laundry detergent. I use three spoonfulls in my 8kg / 17,6lb washing machine, use less if your loads are smaller. Store it in a bucket with a lid away from children and pets. I have used this recipe for over four years now and it has never failed me. I use it for washing regular clothes, work clothes, kids clothes, delicate clothes, cloth diapers, pillows and blankets, wool, sheets, socks literally everything! Pair it with white vinegar as laundry softener and you never ever have to buy any detergent again.

[skztory]

Insulting 101, by Skztory

Here are some insults that I personally LOVE using (yes, I went into my notes app for this):

1. Shapatar (sha-paa-tar) A shapatar is someone who (typically) rides a bike carelessly. I use it often to describe someone careless in general, and does not give two flying fucks about people's opinions; can also be used for someone who looks cheap, emo, and high (bonus points if they're bitchless)

2. Your face looks like the back of a fridge (you know how that's pronounced, don't ya) Derived from a Spanish saying, I use this insult to describe people who….. aren't exactly….. good-looking..? Let's just say that the back of my fridge is a disaster.

3. Fire-hydrant (faa-yur ha-ee-dr-ent) You have probably seen a fire hydrant in real life -- you know, those short, red things, that spout a shit ton of water once you knock them out? Yeah, those. I use this phrase very often to insult short, shameless people, who turn red when they're angry, which in my humble opinion, is not very intimidating (no offence to all the short people out there, I am well aware that I am surrounded by fucking gremlins who need to touch grass and go see a therapist).

4. Joota kicks (ju-t-aa k-i-ks) This is the codename of the guy who two-timed me and this girl from eleventh grade - he played the whole innocent boy act and when I found out, I was devastated because I genuinely liked him. He didn't like me back, or that other girl back either. He just liked the idea of receiving the affection and attention of someone with a kind heart. He took major advantage of the situation, back-bitched about her to me and about me to her, and spread toxicity like every other 17-year-old boy who has no respect for women or any self-respect. ONLY USE THIS FOR SOMEONE YOU WANT TO HURT DEEPLY.

Have a great day, you're doing amazing mami. Mwah <33 (Reblog and like if you want more insulting ones <33)

[charubblogs]

Reaserch log one

date: -redated-

scientist conducting testing: -redated-

reaserch subject dubbed "Cherry sour" due to the bait used and colorations on the subjects cheek protrusions.

attitude of subject aptly has remained combative to all forms of authority or commands. two agents in subject handling have recived small injuries, allowing me to find my first peice of information about the species.

the extraterrestrials jaws are a vary complex mechanism, with the ability to tighten its face to more resemble what seems to be a facsimile of a human skull or loosen it to give a set of false lips. behind the first set of jaws is a secondary jaws resembling that of a phython, set backwards to ensure that once bitten, the target has little recourse in escape.

subject shows human level of intellagaince, able to operate celluler devices, computers and modi, even creating its own from what seem to be scraps.

communication attempts one through three have been transcriped and will be attached to the end of the document.

findings from communication attempts:

subject dosent seem to register attempts to switch languges even in the middle of sentances. seemingly able to learn how to communicate in the new languge with abnormal speed to near native levels as long as they hear enough of the languge first.

cherry sour shows misanthropic tendancies, showing little empathy towards their victims nor their attempts to falsely imprison a human for their home.

subject responds well to trade attempts, tradeing information about their species for a box of "cherry sours" and the ability to speak freely and honestly for their cell phone.

they seem willing to trade a computer for the ability to speak with their "sister". will ask head-quarters to provide a cheap gameing computer to see if over-tradeing will result in extra information or the ability to run small physical tests.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Communication attempt one: subject brought to holding facility, reaserch under heavy guard and only allowed to commuicate with subject outside of barrier.

-redacted-: Could you please state your name?

subject: YES, THAT WOULD BE MR.EAT MY ASS, THATS FIRST MIDDLE AND LAST NAME

-Redacted-: Could you tell me why you attacked the agents transporting you here?

subject: THEY TRIED TO TAKE MY FUCKING PHONE, SO I MADE SURE THEY PAID THEIR DUES FOR EACH ATTEMPT.

-redacted-: and what would you have tried to take if they managed to succeed?

Subject: PROPS THEIR HAND LOL? I DONT KNOW, DEPENDS ON THE "AGENT"?

-redacted-: I see. can you tell me where you come from? why did you attack Frank quichmen?

Subject: OH MY GOD, HIS NAME WAS ***BITCH-MAN***??? PFFF HAHAHAHAHA, OH MY GOD HE FUCKING DESERVED WHAT HE GOT, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GO THAT LONG WITH ***BITCH-MAN*** AS YOUR LAST NAME?!

-redacted-: please stay on topic.

Subject: UUGH, FINE...i DIDNT WANT TO LIVE IN THE RIVER ANYMORE

-Redacted-: you can live underwater?

subject: YOU CANT? DAMN, SKILL ISSUE.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

subject at this point lost intrest in the conversation and loudly played music from their phone, no longer responding to any form of verbal response. Second commnication attempt starts when seemingly at random the subject began speaking to me when i was makeing rounds.

subject: I FOUND A HOUSE, TOOK IT AND THEN THAT BITCH ASS JERK FRANK WALKED IN AND TRIED TO "TAKE IT BACK" WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS, SO I KEPT HIM IN THE BASEMENT.

-redacted-: you didnt feel the need to kill him?

subject: LOL, OF COURSE, DUDE WAS SO FUCKING ANNOYING, WHINING CONSTENTLY, BEGGING WHEN I WAS FUCKING PUB STOMPING IN PIRATES 101...

-redacted-: oh I have a kid that loves that game...so what stopped you?

subject: WELL MY SISTER WOULD THROW A BITCH FIT ABOUT IT, SO WHY WOULD I DEAL WITH A TOTALLY UNTASTY LOSER, A MESS AND SOMEONE HARANGING ME ABOUT MY OBJECTIVLY CORRECT DESCISIONS REGARDING SOMEONES LIFE.

-redacted-: you said sister, you have a sibling? we only recorded one pick up...

subject: YEAH.

-redacted-: so that would mean shes still out there?

Subject: MAYBE.

-Redacted-: i see where not getting anywhere like this...

Subject: I DONT WANT TO ANSWER A RANDOM WIMPS QUESTION WHEN IM FUCKING STARVEING

-Redacted-: really? where you never provided the ration pack?

subject: THAT FUCKING GREEN THING??? YEAH I ATE IT, BUT IT HAD NOTHING IN IT, JUST MUSHY ASS FILLERS AND WERID METALS, TASTY METALS BUT NOTHING, I NEED REAL FOOD!

-redacted-: we can set up something with the chef to see what you would find more fullfilling, for right now all I can really offer are some cherry sours I got from the gas station

subject: OH FUCK FOR REAL? HELL YES, HURRY AND HAND EM OVER, ASK AWAY DUDE

Subject: I FOUND SOME OF THESE IN A WERID BUILDING AND SNAGGED A FEW BAGS AND THEIR SO GOD DAMN GOOD, PERFECT TEXTURE, PERFECT TASTE, THE PLANET KNOWS HOW TO DO CONFECTIONS~

-Redacted-: really? well... if you can help me learn a bit more, im sure I can get you some more, maybe even introduce you to some other Cherry candies.

Subject: SHIT...FINE, DEAL, JUST HAND THE BACK OVER, THOSE FINGERS BERELY HAD ANY MEAT ON THEM

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

conversation ended as subject ate through what may have been 4 pounds of cherry sour balls. we had agents go and quickly collect a small stock pile to futher tempt the subject but they seem to lack any ability to stop themselves, only stopping when they find that there is none left.

third communication attempt.

subject: YEAH YOU GOT HER TO, YOU'LL MEET HER WHEN I DECIDE TO GO TO SLEEP.

-Redacted- and how does that work...?

subject: I DONT KNOW??? SHES THE ONE THAT KEEPS TRACK OF THE BIOLOGY SHIT, SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THE HALFS OF OUR BRAIN ARE ADVANCED ENOUGH TO HOST SEPERATE CONCIOUSNESS???

-redacted-: I cannot think of a singuler reason why you would need something like that... regardless, would it be possible to speak with her?

SUBJECT: WHAT? NO, I DONT WANT TO GO TO SLEEP, SHES GOING TO THROW A FUCKING FIT

SUBJECT: SHES GOING TO FUCKING TEAR INTO ME BECAUSE IM SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT A SECOND HOUSE WITH COOL SHIT IS ACTULLY A TRAP, SPEAKING OF WHICH, I NEED TO KICK FRANKS ASS FOR THIS!

-redacted-: we can talk about that later, for now, we can perhaps help assuage your sisters fear by providing some more furniture, a computer, bed, things like that. but we do need you to start helping us more, do you understand?

Subject:... FINE, BUT I WANT TO SEE THE COMPUTER FIRST.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

reaserchers final evaluation:

subject is violent, crude and seemingly incapable of remorse. recommending tightened security or a custom facility to be made. subject can be subdued easily but should negotations fail we can learn just as much from a cadaver as we can a live subject.

[bitchesgetriches]

On poverty:

Starting from nothing

How to Start at Rock Bottom

How to Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year

Ask the Bitches: “Is It Too Late to Get My Financial Shit Together?“

Understanding why people are poor

It’s More Expensive to Be Poor Than to Be Rich

Why Are Poor People Poor and Rich People Rich?

The Magically Delicious Intersection of Financial Discipline, Generational Poverty, and Marshmallows

Bitchtastic Book Review: Hand to Mouth by Linda Tirado

Gentrification: Artisanal, Small-Batch Displacement of the Poor

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights

Developing compassion for poor people

The Latte Factor, Poor Shaming, and Economic Compassion

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Stop Myself from Judging Homeless People?“

The Subjectivity of Wealth, Or: Don’t Tell Me What’s Expensive

A Little Princess: Intersectional Feminist Masterpiece?

If You Can’t Afford to Tip 20%, You Can’t Afford to Dine Out

Correcting income inequality

1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap

One Reason Women Make Less Money? They’re Afraid of Being Raped and Killed.

Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make Our Lives Better

Are Unions Good or Bad?

On intersectional social issues:

Reproductive rights

On Pulling Weeds and Fighting Back: How (and Why) to Protect Abortion Rights

How To Get an Abortion

Blood Money: Surviving Your Period While Poor

You Don’t Have to Have Kids

Gender equality

1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap

The Pink Tax, Or: How I Learned to Love Smelling Like “Bearglove”

Our Single Best Piece of Advice for Women (and Men) on International Women’s Day

Bitchtastic Book Review: The Feminist Financial Handbook by Brynne Conroy

Sexual Harassment: How to Identify and Fight It in the Workplace

Queer issues

Queer Finance 101: Ten Ways That Sexual and Gender Identity Affect Finances

Leaving Home before 18: A Practical Guide for Cast-Offs, Runaways, and Everybody in Between

Racial justice

The Financial Advantages of Being White

Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job

Econ Nerd Book Review: The New Jim Crow, by Michelle Alexander

Something Is Wrong in Personal Finance. Here’s How to Fix It.

The Biggest Threat to Black Wealth Is White Terrorism

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 2: Racial and Gender Inequality

10 Rad Black Money Experts to Follow Right the Hell Now

Youth issues

What We Talk About When We Talk About Student Loans

The Ugly Truth About Unpaid Internships

Ask the Bitches: “I Just Turned 18 and My Parents Are Kicking Me Out. How Do I Brace Myself?”

Identifying and combatting abuse

When Money is the Weapon: Understanding Intimate Partner Financial Abuse

Are You Working on the Next Fyre Festival?: Identifying a Toxic Workplace

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Say ‘No’ When a Loved One Asks for Money… Again?”

Ask the Bitches: “I Was Guilted Into Caring for a Sick, Abusive Parent for Years. Now What?”

On mental health:

Understanding mental health issues

How Mental Health Affects Your Finances

Stop Recommending Therapy Like It’s a Magic Bean That’ll Grow Me a Beanstalk to Neurotypicaltown

Bitchtastic Book Review: Kurt Vonnegut’s Galapagos and Your Big Brain

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Protect My Own Mental Health While Still Helping Others?”

Coping with mental health issues

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care

My 25 Secrets to Successfully Working from Home with ADHD

Our Master List of 100% Free Mental Health Self-Care Tactics

On saving the planet:

Changing the system

Don’t Boo, Vote: If You Don’t Vote, No One Can Hear You Scream

Ethical Consumption: How to Pollute the Planet and Exploit Labor Slightly Less

I Have No Gift to Bring Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum: The Anti-Consumerist Gift Guide

Season 1, Episode 4: “Capitalism Is Working for Me. So How Could I Hate It?”

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 2: Racial and Gender Inequality

Shopping smarter

You Deserve Cheap Toilet Paper, You Beautiful Fucking Moon Goddess

You Are above Bottled Water, You Elegant Land Mermaid

Fast Fashion is Fucking Up the World

You Deserve Cheap, Fake Jewelry, Just Like Coco Chanel

Proven Tactics for Avoiding Emotional Impulse Spending

[yes-ihavealwaysbeengreen]

TF boys reaction to you getting into a bar fight ?

TF boys react to you getting in a bar fight. 

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales: You didn’t mean to get into a bar fight. But the bitches at the bar were talking about your man like he was a piece of meat, and he is, but he’s your meat. It was just supposed to be a nice conversation where you just subtly mentioned he was dating you...but then they had to start talking about how you weren’t pretty enough for a guy like that, and well...Frankie has to drag you out of the bar kicking and screaming about how you could take them. He is equally aroused and worried about you; the only way he can silence you is with a kiss against his truck. Making you forget all about them and their comments. 

Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia: Santiago tries to break it up. Yes, the man has fantasized about you fighting another, but that usually involves jello and bikinis, and this has neither. “Baby! Come on!” he pulls you off, and you melt into his arms, letting him lead you out. “If you want to spar with someone, you just have to ask, baby,” he teases, trying to relieve some tension. When that doesn’t work, he takes you back to his place and fucks your brain out. Later he will admit that it was hot watching you fight. 

William ‘Ironhead’ Miller: Will doesn’t let it get to the point of a fight. He has seen enough war in his life to know where this is going. He also knows you; his little warrior would kick their ass. He tosses back the rest of his drink and hoists you over his shoulder, leaving the bar before you have a chance to swing a fist. You are pissed and fuming as he drives you home, pushing his hand away when he reaches for you. When you get home, you go straight to the bedroom and lock him out. He gives you your space and lets you come to him because he knows you will. Later once you’ve cooled off, he hears the bedroom door creak open, and he sees you stop at the foot of the couch, his arms opening up for you to fall inside and nuzzle his neck, feeling his warm lips press kisses to your head. 

Benny Miller: Benny will be right beside you either fighting or cheering you on. If someone cheap shots you though? Oh, he will take them down or get you out. You are his main priority but he fell in love with you because you can handle yourself in and out of the ring and he loves to watch. 

Taglist: @chicken-ona-stick @agirllovespancakes @jedi-mando @ghostwiththemostbitch @the-purity-pen @paintballkid711 @wasicskosgirl @fantasticcopeaglepasta @sarahjkl82-blog @boxdyeblonde @rosiefridayrogersunday @yeah-seems-legit  @mimimi-stuff  @ladyblogger-margie @memyselfandellasworld @lunarthoughts @jedi-mando @idreamofboobear @aerolanya @rebelliouscat @veracruz-djarin @marvelprincess1994 @thirstworldproblemss @spacelatinoss  @martellthemandalor @kesskirata @waatermelon-sugaar @jitterbugs927 @helga1031  @greeneyedblondie44 @mamacitapascal @oldstuffnewstuff @yespolkadotkitty @heythere-mel @justanotherblonde23 @artsymaddie @anetteaneta @aellynera @lucifer- @houseofthirst @phoenixhalliwell @gunslinger2000 @omlwhatamidoinghere @linkpk88 @tlcwrites @mariesackler @demoncrypt1066 @goalkeepernerd @meshlamando @xjustmenobodyelse @seasonschange-butpeopledont @josepedropascal @revolution-starter @blufanfictionthings @nicotinebirds @dreamer-101 @hyperfixatingmenever @whatisawwhileoutandabout @queenbbarnes @sacklerscumrag @veuliee2 @evyiione @terrormonster55 @peterhollandkait @itspdameronthings

[practicalmagicintuitions]

A little something about tarot for beginners and everyone who is interested.

I planned this post for a long time, mainly for tarot newbies, someone who wants to start or  just interested in how works. It won’t be a Tarot 101, definitely not. More likely, how I work with the cards. 

DISCLAIMER: If you are underage I cannot and I won’t give you any ideas how to hide your practice from your parents or guardians. I know tiktok is very popular, but be careful because there is way more misinformation than any other SM site. 

First, you obviously got familiar with the basic meaning of the cards, the build of the deck. You will learn the suits, the arcanas, the court cards, the numerology groups, and a few keywords. But this comes with practice. This doesn’t mean you can only draw your first card after you learned all of those things. No. When you buy your deck, look at each card carefully. Do not turn into a companion book or the internet immediately. Think about the card, make notes into a journal or a paper about what you feel, notice when you look at the image. Makes you happy, makes you scared? Is it dark, it is light? And after that, you can read what the book says. 

Tarot is about storytelling so your intuition, your memories, your feelings are very important.

When someone is saying tarot has fixed meanings… this is not entirely true. One card can have many many meanings depending on its position or the surrounding cards. Yes, Death card won’t mean your soulmate is coming on a horse, but it’s also 99% won’t mean you are gonna die. 

If you want fixed meanings, you should read Lenormand instead. In Lenormand, there are certain combinations with fixed meanings, there is no place for intuition. The pictures on the Lenormand cards have aesthetic purposes only they don’t have additional meanings. Tarot is intuitive. It means you combine the meanings of the cards and above that, you are using your intuition AND the pictures on the cards. Movements, colours, directions, animals, flowers, symbols etc. 

What do I mean? I’ll show you. 

Those are the Fools from the classic RWS, the Modern Witch Tarot and the This Might Hurt Tarot decks. Look how similar they are at first. They are representing the carfree, daydreaming attitude, the journey. They all have a companion, a dog etc. You can fairly read those the same way. Of course, there are differences, the big city instead of the mountains, backpack etc, but I think those are amazing starter decks. 

I think I wrote in my first tarot post that even many people do not like the classical RWS deck, because the images seem ugly and there is no diversity, for me that is the basis and I think everyone should have own it. But if you absolutely don’t want to because you don’t like it at all, those 2 decks, the Modern Witch Tarot and the This Might Hurt Deck seems a good starter deck. RSW was not my first deck, I haven’t started with it, so you can buy it later on if you want and start with the deck you like more. It is very important to choose a deck that speaks to you. Tarot first and foremost is about your personal journey or helping others if you are reading for others. What I am doing here in tumblr is fun, a good practice, it is testing my abilities but tarot is not only for knowing more about our celeb crushes. It is a guied to ourselves. 

Let’s see more examples with pictures.  The RWS tarot and the New Vision tarot.

New Vision tarot recreates the RWS imagery but as you will see gives a different perspective to the cards, therefore gives a new layer to them. I heard the deck has only a little white book, not a real guide, which is a shame. I think it’s an interesting concept and you could deliver very different readings than with a standard RWS. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend this deck to a newbie but it’s interesting so I show you. You can see how different those images, how different intuitive messages you can get.

Same-ish concept is the Vica Versa Tarot. Based on the ratings it is more usable than the New Vision Tarot. This deck has pictures on both sides and the meaning varies depends on this. This is also a very RWS based deck so it is very interesting to me. Not in the near future, but I want to purchase this deck. 

I will show you a few more examples of cards that are less based on the RWS system (or not at all) therefore you need you and your intuition more.

RWS, Gentle Tarot, Wild Unkown, Shadowscapes

I hope you understand now how important it is to use your own intuitions, feelings, experiences and find the style that suits you. Personally, I prefer the more earth-based, pagan or darker decks (not too dark though, I should say more serious) but you can find all pastel pink, fluffy decks too. There are literally thousands of decks on the market in every style. But those are not cheap things, if you cannot connect you won’t be able to work with them. If you like a deck, go to youtube, search for a flip through. Look at the cards carefully. If you still like it, amazing. However, if you bought a deck and it turns out not for you you can still sell it online or if you are really lucky you have spiritual stores or fairs in your area where you can sell or change it for something else. 

Connecting the cards it’s not easy, but one of my most spot-on reading was when I let my intuition work completely. I remember I pulled the cards and I started to collect the information about what they could mean. And I felt it makes no sense left to right but right to left I understand it crystal clear. I was hesitant because you have this preconception you have to read the cards in order, but guess what, you don’t have to. I will link an excellent video about it, I found it after my reading and it was a light bulb, aha moment for me. This youtube channel is not for beginners, but I recommend watching this video, you will understand what I ment and it will help you.

The other thing, yes, in western culture we read left to right but this is only one way you can do it. You don’t have to stick with it in your readings. In the most popular spread in the Celtic cross you read the last 4 cards from down to up. And on the standard RWS deck (as you can see on the first picture above), The Fool starts his journey and he is heading from right to left. Isn’t this amazing? And the Major Arcana is about The Fool’s journey. Aka your journey.

*( I cannot link here, in the middle of the text, so it will be video 1 at the end)

So don’t be afraid, be free, make your own meaning, rituals. This is your tarot journey, no one else's. Yours. Don’t let some bitter, “I know better, you are wrong” people take your enthusiasm away. 

You can read many books and sources but it doesn’t mean you will understand the cards. You cannot read the cards mechanically. Keywords are helpful at the beginning but after a while you have to leave them behind and use your intuition. 

99% of the tarot readers have difficulty with Court Cards. Those are basically people on the cards, doing very little. Some readers read them only as a person, some of them read them as an influence. Just because there is a man on the cards this doesn't mean it represents a male in your life. So it’s hard. 

One exercise which is fun and you can make it easier  is that you try to pair them with people in your life. Do you have an impulsive brother who is flirty and rushing things? Knight of Wands. Do you have a mean female boss, who is gossiping and bitching? Queen of Swords rx.  Of course, this is very basic, but it could help and it is fun.

If you don’t want to use your family or acquaintances, use tv series instead. I think Game of Thrones is amazing for this. It has so many different characters. Many of them are even changing. Jon Snow went from Knight to King, Arya from page to Knight, Sansa from Page to Knight, from Knight to Queen.

The second type of exercise is similar just with the minors. Choose a movie and try to tell the story with the minors. People met, fell in love, getting married, broke up, fighting over money during the divorce etc. All in the cards. 

Pulling a card daily is amazing in every way. People recommend doing this in the morning, however I like to do this at the evening. Firstly, because I am a night owl, mornings are painful for me and I don’t have time in the mornings. But the most inportant reason is because I can be anxious and easily stressed out. If I pull the Death at the mornig I will stressing out the whole day. However if I pull this at the evening as a summary of my day maybe I will realise immediately, “oh, my favourite tv show was cancelled, bummer.” or “ I have a new teamleader at work or school, so this is a new cycle for us” I think this gives you a bigger and clearer understanding how those cards are fit into your daily life and what are they meaning for you personally. 

When you choose to do any kind of divination it’s crucial to protect your energies. So it’s inevitable to start meditating. The other two practices which I highly highly recommend are called Grounding and Circle Casting. Don’t be scared, those are just higher forms of meditation that help you to keep the balance, but those are also a must if you decide to do another type of Energy Work, for example of Energy Manipulation. I will link an excellent video about it. This YT is also an amazing resource if you are interested in Wicca. You don’t have to! This channel is amazing anyway. Personally, I am not a Wiccan either as I am not celebrating Wiccan sabbats like Beltane or Imbolc, but I love this channel so so much.

*I cannot link the video becuse she’s blocked this option but this is her site. Go and check her  Centering and Grounding ║ Witchcraft 101 video, it was uploaded on July 10th in 2019 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFz0Rtv2bh86aUy_5_YsGLw

There will be a point when someone wants to scare you that tarot, divination and spirituality are evil. It is not. Tarot is a piece of paper with pictures on it. It’s not deviant or anything. The cards have no intentions or consciousness, they are just cardstock. Not bad or good. What can make it harmful is the unethical people. Someone who wants to bribe you to pay a big amount of money because “you are cursed” or is someone trying to manipulate the readings to scare you or make you do something. If your intentions are good, have a moral and you protect your energy, you don’t have to be afraid. 

In my experience usually people who are heavily involved in churches or Christianity try to push that the tarot and spirituality are evil. Of course not all of them, I know many professional tarot readers who are also Christian, love Jesus etc. 

What you should know and maybe this could give you a little comfort or calm that we are all spiritual beings. All of us are made of energy. We are so much more than flesh and blood and bones. Everyone is attracting or have spirits in their life even the most hardcore churchgoers have. You are not bad or evil just because you use divination. Always your intention is important and that you seek the light side of spiritualism. 

I hope you liked this post, it becomes my baby and I am really proud of it and I hope you will find it useful or interesting. In the forseeable future I am not planning anyithing similar but I am open to questions as always. Maybe I will have an answer.  

Be Blessed.

[mimithings97]

How to Make Him Cum 101 (M)

Summary: You’ll love each other in sickness and health, hungover or hangry, sexless or… well, it’s becoming a little harder for the pants to stay on despite the calls of ‘let’s take this slow’ on the first date.

Pairing: Jungkook x Y/N

Genre: University AU, Smut, Fluff, Angst (tiny bit), Crack

Warnings: (Plenty my friend) Handjob, Fingering, Squirting, Sex without protection, Tongue fucking, Jungkook being whipped, Chocking (brief), Dry Humping, Jungkook cumming in his pants, lots of swearing, lots of alcohol consumption, consumption of weed

Word Count: 15k (it was meant to be 10k, but I fucked it)

A/N: I love Jungkook in this, he’s a sweetheart who has no fucking idea what he’s doing. Took me way too long to write this and I’m sorry if it drags, but I split it into little scenes to make it more manageable. It’s also pretty casual - no real storyline. Enjoy and suggestions always welcome x

“I swear to fuck, if he throws up my £2000 bourbon...” 

And by some miracle, neither the end of Taehyung’s sentence nor the £150 shot Namjoon halfheartedly threw back makes an appearance.

“Nah big man can handle his shit right Joon,” is the mere drunken support offered by Jimin. It’s also accompanied by an all-too heavy hand to the back that has the elder spluttering on air, the shot well and truly burning a hole in his stomach by now.

You observe from the distance of the kitchen, fortunately barricaded from the testosterone fest by the island and several misplaced sofas. It was Jimin’s idea to upgrade the sofa scheme to one that was more ‘drinking and smoking friendly’ so he liked to call it, taking a sufficient 30 minutes just to manoeuvre several pieces of furniture into a circle that centred around all too expensive liquors and cheap weed - the irony of the contrast had most certainly dawned on you. 

Your unexpected appearance to the gathering was on the account of boyfriends hazy state. He was all ‘come save me’ and ‘i’m dying’ over your texted conversation but upon arrival, the boy was all over that tequila bottle like he was downing chocolate milk. 

Despite your best intentions of remaining inconspicuous and merely Jungkook’s driver for the night went to shit when Jimin, unapologetic and somewhere between happily stoned and confident drunk demanded you join their escapades. 

“Booze or bud but not neither Y/N.” Nothing like a typical Taehyung to welcome you to the action.

“Well you didn’t say I couldn’t have both,” is your reply that’s laced with a brazen tone and paired with a smirk.

You’re met with Taehyung tonguing his cheek.

“That’s my girl,” Jungkook shouts mid-laugh and gives you a smack to the ass for good measure. You find comfort in the gesture, so following his drifting hand to the point that you settle in his lap.  

Jungkook must have drunk his weight in alcohol because it’s all touches from behind you, cold hands finding their way under cloth and onto warm skin, lips clamping down on your neck and teeth unforgiving on your ear lobe. Your boyfriend’s a modest guy even at worst, so his provoking actions are met with raised eyebrows on your behalf.

Slowly but surely, with the burn of smoke in your lungs and the even harsher burn of rich whiskey (because £2000 bourbon is a harsh no), Jungkook’s hands roam freely.

“Jesus mate, if you’d have fucked her the second time you would’ve had that pussy on hold, swear down.” Somewhere between your silent touches and unauthorized smoking of all of Namjoon’s weed, the conversation had delved into the topic of Jimin’s overly privileged sex life.

“That’s exactly what I said but the bitch pussied out,” Hobi pipes up from the corner where he’d faded away from being too legit faded - boy never could handle his smoke.

“Fuck off did I pussy ou-”

“Nahhh she had you whipped babe, that second shag wasn’t even on the cards,” you mouth speaks for you. Or more like your high speaks for you at this point.

You feel Kook smile into your shoulder from where his head was perched.

“This’ll be good,” it’s under Taehyung’s breath but not inaudible.

“Fuck do you mean, ‘she had me whipped’, she was all over me that night at Joon’s...” Jimin swigs mid-sentence, flushed from the buzz of liquor and his overly defensive tone, “had her wrapped around my little finger.”

… the opportunity was too good to miss.

“What little finger?” You refrain from laughing at your own remark for dramatic effect but Jungkook’s squeezing your sides and the lightness of your head betrays you. 

Jimin’s eye contact with your falters as if his ego broken, and the others pass around comments along the lines of ‘fucking brilliant’ and ‘unlucky mate’. 

You take a final drag before passing it behind you to the already seeking hand of your boyfriend who’s still amused by your smart-mouth.

“Jimin, I’m just saying,” you elaborate in hopes of restoring his cracked masculinity somewhat, “from what Stephanie told me, Mina had four guys on hold at that party and wasn’t inclined to let any of them stick in on her cos she’s got a full-on guy waiting for her away from uni.”

He huffs, throwing himself and his bottle backwards onto the sofa, causing it to slosh around and out. You peer over at Taehyung, waiting for the boy to morph into an expression of disgust because god knows, this sofa cover costs more than your rent, but he never does - eyes glazed and a small smile instead.

“Fucking brilliant, I was fifth on a girls ‘need to shag’ list.” You almost feel bad for the sod, but one thing Jimin could never do was keep his mouth shut when it needed to be. “At least I’m doing better than you, Y/N, you can’t even get a fuck off your boyfriend and you’ve been together for months.” 

Taehyung’s smile drifts, Hobi shifts in his seat and Jungkook stiffens from behind you - the air dries up.

“Jimin, mate, come on,” Joon tries to reason, but as per usual Jimin keeps his mouth moving.

“I said what I said.”

Yeh, he sure fucking did. And if one thing was known to be uncharted conversation between the lot of you, then that was your and Jungkook’s abstinence. But in true style, Jimin just had to pry.

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“Fuck it, maybe we should just have sex,” he finally says as you stall over wiping off your eyeliner to laugh at his exasperation. Jungkook wasn’t insecure but he was easily influenced when something hurt his pride - and you could tell, from Jimin’s comment, throughout the awkward air that lingered in the car, to just now, that he had been stewing on the dent to his ego from the moment it was spoken. 

You want to tell him with all the sarcasm in the world how ‘romantic’ he’s being about it all, but you refrain to save further damage.

“Kook-”

“Nah, seriously Y/N, I’m tired of this shit…” you want to diffuse his state, but he persists, “and- I don’t really know what I’m waiting on now.”

“Baby,” you finally get a grip on his attention as he lets out a huff and welcomes you onto his lap. “You’ve had your reasons to wait on this, I’ve always respected that. But…” he groans and you lean into him as a warning to let you finish, “buttt, I’m not gonna respect any shit when you’re letting Jimin decide for you. Just cos the boy can’t get his dick wet doesn’t mean you have to.”

You feel him snicker against your shoulder as he lowers his head in frustration.

“You do this on your own time. Not mine,” you weave your fingers through his locks and anchor him to you, “not Jimin’s, not anyone but yours,” and finalise your sentiment by situating your lips on his temple.

With eyes fluttering shut into your touch and a heavy breath out he indulges in his insecurity. “I just can’t afford to lose you.” And you know it takes his booze-filled conscience to let you in.

You have to admit that there was some level of hurt you managed to hide at this point. That even after relishing in one another's company for 5 months, Jungkook still couldn’t find it in himself to trust you in that way. It was a mental thing, an emotional instinct of too many failed relationships where he was a victim to being cheated on, left after being used for sex and prayed on for good looks and unfortunate vulnerability. You knew within yourself you would never and could never do what so many have done before you. Fuck, you couldn’t even see yourself being sane and capable without him, ever, period. For that, you respected his decision - whilst frustratingly prolonged - because you knew he was worth the wait.

“I need you just as much as you need me.” You sense the slump in his shoulders, the heaviness of too many pressures and burdens weighing them down. That and his drug-induced state causing unwanted fatigue. “Hmm?” So you lift his chin and search his eyes till they meet yours, passing on a reassurance that he finally accepts with a curt nod.

“Yeh, I know.” 

You press a kiss, or two to his lips and lean back to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Now are you gonna keep sulking to yourself like a bitch or let me make you cum?” His instant response is his eyes blowing out in shock of your statement before laughing into your chest. You know him well enough that he is using your chest to hide the blush in his cheeks but you don’t mention it. 

Instead, you wiggle your hips with no subtlety into the twitch of his groin that seeks your mouth so desperately, laughing when he grabs you at the cheeks and pulls you away to say, “You’re fucking mental.” But against his lips you can’t help the, “-Nd you love me for it,” that is mumbled.

Yeah, this boy was definitely worth the wait.

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Weekends seem to roll around at a quickening pace when you have a needy boyfriend and even more demanding party schedule to fill the gaps. And by some freak of nature, you hadn’t managed to drop your education off a cliff in the meantime - in fact, you had begun to make a living off having beer in one hand and highlighter in the other.

University wasn’t a walk in the park, but you’d been enough of a devoted intellect in your first two years of it to allow yourself to drop off the map a little. So, after becoming a co-captain of the swim team somewhere into your second year, it was only a natural, human instinct kind of reaction that your fellow captain, the hunk of abs who graced poolside, would slip a few too many flirty remarks at you before you called him your boyfriend. He’d pined and you’d fallen - simple as.

He came with baggage though. Six boys and a whole lot of booze and weed. You were no saint before Jungkook, hell, you almost weren’t allowed swim captain because you’d slept in one too many of the guys beds. But as soon as you’d said ‘yes’ to the going out for drinks invitation he offered, you had also said ‘yes’ to the party on Saturday at Hoseok’s, and the one on Sunday down at the river, and for every weekend for the next 5 months. And slowly but surely, it was no longer, ‘this is my girlfriend’ as an introduction, but you asking the familiar face around the party with all urgency where the nearest bottle of tequila was.

It’s also how you’d landed yourself filthily hungover in your Monday lecture, listening to Professor Snape (nah, it’s his real name and all) with a noticeable shake in your hand and last nights mascara somewhere down your face. 

“If you look that shit, then what the hell does Kook look like.” Mina, the best friend, the only one allowed to hold back your hair whilst you would throw up in a second-floor bathroom, and the roommate who made student life just a bit more bearable than the shit show it was.

She takes the seat next to you, her question probably rhetorical but you make the effort to reply, all the same.

“Still asleep in the bathtub I reckon.” Ah, yes, the boyfriend. At somewhere between 1 in the morning and blackout drunk you, Jungkook and your infamous competitiveness called for beer pong - minus the beer, add the vodka. So it was only gonna be a certain amount of time before both you and him were pushed into a cab on top of one another and drafted back to his flat so he could throw up in his bathtub. 

“Jesus,” Mina mutters with a laugh, probably just relieved someone ordered your taxi to go to his and not your shared apartment - like hell was she listening to Jungkook throw up at 5 in the morning.

“Honestly, why does Yoongi host that shit on Sunday,” you groan into your laptop, turning down the brightness because you can already feel the afternoon hangover headache arising. 

“He doesn’t have a 9am like the rest of us.”

“Fucker.” 

Good host though, Yoongi. A postgrad, with his own two-storey apartment and too much time on his hands. You’d known him before the boyfriend too, working shifts with him in your first year at a music production company, both in the catering section because you had time to fill and tuition to pay and he was hoping to find his break into the industry. He fucked it though and has ended up with some crazy paid apprenticeship at a financial branch in the city centre. 

“Oi, Bob’s this weekend?” Mina poses the question as the lights brighten in the lecture room and everyone starts shutting laptops - yours was shut ten minutes ago when you stopped listening and started wallowing in self-pity.

“Bob’s?” Bermuda Bobs. A club in the centre of town, and somewhat of a regular for Friday nights, when Hoseok had had just about enough of hosting. “Yeh. Yeh, I can do Bobs.”

Mina’s up and off before you can even open the zip on your bag, something about she’ll miss her lift to training, but you mumble that you’ll see her at the apartment later before you can see the back of her head. 

All you can think as you conquer the steps to the exit of the hall is how much of a blessing a shower and a cup of tea would be - ‘so easily pleased’ Mina would say. So, when you look up from your phone to see Jungkook opposite where you walk out, a cup of tea in hand, you might just believe in fate.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he says, throat hoarse as he takes you bag from your shoulder and places the coffee into your welcoming hands. You laugh at him, a snort because it’s ironic considering the bloodshot eyes and beer-stained hair he sports.

“You were passed out in the bath legit an hour ago,” his hand finds yours despite your teasing and when you finally take the first sip of tea as you walk, anyone would think the noise you made was nothing short of an orgasm - Jungkook certainly takes notice. “Did you bring the car?” 

He snorts, “Like fuck did I bring the car, I’m still drunk.”

“Babbbyy,” it’s a whine as you throw your head back and pull his hand to make your point into a tantrum. 

“It’s literally a 5 minute walk babe, suck it up.” He continues ahead, but you go full 5 year old tactics on him, stopping in your tracks and whacking on your face the biggest pout your lips will allow.

He merely rolls his eyes and kisses it away before presenting his back to you, arms out, legs bent and you hop onto him like the spoilt girlfriend you are.

“You’re a brat, you know that.” Is all he says as he starts the walk out of the building and towards his, so you kiss behind his ear. 

“Mmm, call me that again, it kinda turns me on.”

“Fucking filty,” but you see the crinkle in his eyes that lets you know that he loves you for it.

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Friday nights roll around quicker than you know when Bob’s is calling. They start earlier than most nights as well - lecture leads to swim training, swim training calls for afternoon drinks at Warehouse and then Warehouse blurs into Pre’s that blurs into Bob’s. 

So with beer curdling in your stomach, trying to flick the wing of your eyeliner and failing for the fifteenth time is as funny as Jimin’s pinkie to you and Mina. 

She is, of course, ready. Has been for almost 2 hours, so whilst you struggle to slip into your dress, she finishes your eyeliner for you.

The buzz of your phone has both of you looking to the vibrating device in confusion, having to double-take with each other because the taxi isn’t supposed to be here until Jungkook is and he isn’t supposed to be here for another half an hour. 

Your fumbling with a zip so it’s Mina who reaches for it, and when the screen lights her face, her features go from confused to ‘for fucks sake’ in less than a second. She turns it and that god awful photo of Jungkook and his swimming goggles on lights up the display. 

“I’ll get the door.” She’s exasperated. He’s early and she can’t stand that - all it took was him showing up at the wrong time on a Wednesday whilst she was naked on the sofa with a girl between her legs that caused the ‘come when you’re fucking asked to come’ attitude - poor boy didn’t even know she was gay.

You do a once over in the mirror before the door swings open, Mina has a scowl but your boyfriend has a lime in one hand and tequila in the other, so you don’t care.

“Shit, you look hot,” Fuck, so does he, but he’s pressing a kiss to your lips before you can drink him in fully, “s’that dress new?”

“I did the makeup, thank me.” Mina was always loud, and speaking at the wrong places and in the wrong conversations. 

“Kindly fuck off, you did the eyeliner and shit all else.” You turn back to Kook, now leaning against your wall, eyes still trained on you, or at least, your legs, and he looks fucking thirsty that’s for sure. “And yeh, got it when I went in the city the other week.” He replies with a nod and a smirk. Those damn bedroom eyes, they hold your gaze, as you fiddle with the clasp on the side of your dress. 

Mine pipes up from the sidelines, “God, it’s like I’m watching a fucking mating ritual or something.” Jungkook scoffs and his shoulders ease as though he’s calming himself down, “Well, I’m ready so shots it is.” She grabs the bottle of tequila from Jungkook’s hand and is off into the kitchen without looking back.

“Who put a foot up her ass then?” He only says it once the door is closed, knowing he’ll get a whacking if Mina heard him, so you scowl at him, albeit through a smile.

“Oi, watch it,” you’re in front of him now, leaning into the arm he stretched out to embrace you in.

“Sorry,” and he means it. He genuinely likes Mina, you’re sure of it, but they go at each other like cats in an alley when you’re not there to referee it.

He’s warm around you, his shirt with buttons undone at the top so that the cologne he’s wearing goes right to your head - and to your core - either one. The proximity does the same to him as he takes a handful of your ass, groping so that when you gasp and try to pull away, he administers a slap. 

You can’t deny you’re horny for him, and the way his trousers frame his bulge perfectly - you lick your lips subconsciously at the thought - but you can almost hear the sadness of Mina pouring and downing Tequila shots by herself.

“Fucker,” you whisper and lean out of his hold almost, only to see that fire in his eyes. 

“I love this ass,” hands now sneaking underneath the fabric of your dress - like it was covering much anyway, but that doesn’t change the way his cold fingers spread across your behind and almost make you moan out. It’s when he takes your bottom lip in his teeth and pulls back agonizing slowly until it pops back into place that the moan you were stifling releases, slowly, seductively, and his crotch stirs at the thought of you making the same noise around his dick. 

But if Kook can restrain himself enough into denying you a fuck for 5 months, then you can be just as disciplined now - whether the wetness on your thighs tells you something different or not.

You toy with him though.

At a pace nothing short of tormenting, you lean your leg into the space between his, drag your lips across his cheek to his ear and let your fingers draw a line from the gap in his shirt, underneath and across his chest, “But you know what’s better than this ass, baby?” You play the seductress with you voice, and you know it does bits to him. 

Your question was rhetoric, but when he doesn’t reply, you can’t help but grab at his belt with a hand and tug his crotch into your leg. He sputters out breathily into your neck, “W-what?”

You lean back, wait for his eyes to open and gage the lust and excitement brewing within them before opening your mouth against his…

“...Tequila shots.” You smack his thigh, turn and are out the door before his erection can say ‘shit’.

Two can play at his game of denial. 

Your all kinds of worked up despite your best efforts, but Mina’s got lime in her mouth and her face crinkled into an expression of disgust as you eye the empty shot glass on the counter, so it’s not like she’s gonna be sniffing out your hormones any time soon. 

“Fucking shit, rancid, I hate it, don’t wanna drink ever, absolutely not,” you laugh at her outburst as you refill her shot glass for yourself. 

“Lightweight,” you tease her as you throw it all back, wincing internally as you feel the hole burn in your throat, but suck it up for the sake of your competitive streak. She merely scoffs at you as the bedroom door swings open, Jungkook - still a fine piece of ass right now - tucking his shirt into his trousers. No way did he just finish himself off in that time, but your eyes travel down to his hard on that is very much still there. You can’t help the smirk.

“Kook, get your shot down you then we’re off,” Mina announces.

“Taxi here already?” he questions but she shakes her head as she now sports a wine bottle in her hand, and clearly a mouth full of wine as she fails to verbalise. 

Shots are down, wine is drunk, and heads are well and truly dizzy when you reach the club. The cab was early much to Mina’s dismay, but that didn’t stop her from grabbing the tequila bottle from Jungkook and downing a healthy portion of the liquid before collapsing in instant regret - ‘we’ve all been there Min’ was your only advice. As for Jungkook. Well, the boy never showed when he was drunk until he would take his shirt off and shout he was wasted, so the only way you could gauge his state was by the way his fingers dug into your thigh the entire journey - you just couldn’t work out whether it was the alcohol or his dick talking.

“Y/NNN!” you hear before see Jimin, despite the music that reverberates through the floor and up your body. As always, he has bottle in hand and a girl in the other, but he releases her to embrace you.

It’s a love, hate with Jimin, but he was Jungkook’s best friend, so there was and could not be bad blood between the two of you - much the same to Jungkook and Mina. Jimin swam as well, so you were no strangers to sharing situations that required great comfort with one alone - such as you in a swimming costume and him in his damn speedos. There was only one thing better than Jimin in speedos though, and that was Jungkook in speedos.

“Where’s your boyfriend, he owes me a fucking drink,” and you point to the bar, where he leans over the counter in all his glory and much to the fortune of your eyes. Jimin escorts himself and the girl he’s with over to the bar before you can catch her name - she’s pretty, though, which is no surprise with Jimin’s taste. 

It takes the next 30 minutes, or possibly longer because alcohol tends to blur hours to minutes before you’ve made conversation with everyone there. It’s almost admin now, having to do the rounds when all the people from swimming go out - a swim captain apparently has certain obligations of seeing everyone had a drink in hand and a ride to go home in. Kook was doing the same too, across the club, slowly but surely making his way towards you as he talked to some of the guys. He’d winked one too many times at you for it to be coincidence, and the alcohol you’d been consuming was screaming out to you now to fuck the pointless conversation and grind on your damn fit boyfriend.

“Fuck Josh, Mel, the boy can’t even get it up, and you’re too much of a hot piece of ass to waste on him,” Mina’s on one of her motivational talks with the social sec, Mel - absolute sweetheart, heart of gold and awful taste in men. Also the subject of Mina’s subconscious flirting for the last hour or so, but you don’t have the heart to tell Mina to stop - she’s drunk and probably horny knowing her.

“Y/N,” you’re face first in your vodka red bull (double), to hear Mina, having zoned out from her pining after she started getting emotional. “Y/N!” You finally ease up on the drink when you hear her this time. 

“Hmm?” mouth half full.

“Have you ever seen someone get eye fucked?” Her eyes flicker from you to something else, but you’re too caught up in the absurdity of her question to notice.

“The fuck?”

“Because I’m watching it happen right now,” and it’s a nod that finally directs your questioning gaze away from your best friend and to a figure at the bar, elbows tucked behind him, a bottle of beer at his side, legs to die for and eyes boring right into yours. He’s playing dirty tonight, is all you think. So despite the way your core tightens and the hair on your neck unknowingly rises, you feed into his game, the cat and mouse kind of thing he seems to be grabbing at, and put up your facade.

You're slow to get to him, but it’s deliberate. And instead of giving in to his gaze or his touch, you place your feet right beside his, leaning towards the bar and into the sight of the bartender. 

It’s the raise of her eyebrows at you and the curt smile that prompts you to talk, “two shots of tequila please,” she begins to spin but you stop her, “oh, and plenty of salt and lime.” 

It takes physical energy not to give in to human instinct - to touch and to grab him, to let go of the role play. 

“Anyone would think you’re ordering for two,” his voice is gravely, and fuck if it doesn’t shoot straight down you. But his comment makes you smile, smirk actually.

“You say that as if I can’t handle my alcohol,” you raise an eyebrow to yourself, still feigning your confidence by not looking his way.

Two shots are lined up in front of you, limes perched on top, and a generously filled salt shaker to the left of them. 

“Well tequila is a dangerous game to play,” you pick up either shot in your hand, and fight the urge to shiver as his words that are breathed against your ear. You round from the side of him, eyes finally lifting to his and filling some void that was there, but by no means lifting any tension between the two of you.

“Then let’s play dangerously,” you say, eyes sultry and him waiting on your every move, “the first one to have their salt, their shot and their lime gone first is the winner..” 

“And what does the winning get?” Damn, he’s eager.

You lean in, but still don’t touch. “That’s for the winner to know, and the loser to find out.” 

You can see a vague pick up in his breathing, a sheen of sweat forming against his brow and a vague smirk pulling at the edges of his mouth. Lifting the lime off your shot, he almost proceeds to do the same, about to take the shot to his lips but you stop him, instead pushing your shot into his vacant hand. The only explanation offered is when you take your lime down the column of your throat and down to your cleavage, before reaching to the salt that’s behind him. You pour a small mound of it onto your finger and follow the path that the lime drew. He eyes you like artwork, and doesn’t lift his gaze from your cleavage where you nestle the lime. 

You pour more salt onto your forefinger, and his eyes finally lift in an expression of confusion, but words evade him - hell, he hasn’t taken a solid breath for the past minute. Slowly, tourturningly, you lean into him, carefully avoiding his shot, and catch his breath hitching as you press the point of your tongue into the base of his neck, dragging it upwards until you meet his jaw. You almost couldn’t stop yourself from proceeding further, drinking in the salty taste of him and eating away at his sanity with your tongue - but you refrain, all in the name of dramatic effect.

“Fuck,” is all he says as he keeps his breath hitched, and you push your finger down the line your tongue drew, spreading salt southwards.

He almost looks tapped out when you take his lime from between you, eyes completely glazed, and fortunately for you they blow out even further when you tug the belt of his trousers and place your lime in the waistband - like his erection wouldn’t have held it up anyways.

Retrieving one of the shots from his grasp, where his knuckles had turned white against the glass, you hold his gaze.

“I think you should go ahead,” you’re more breathy than you realised, even despite it being your game.

“I-I thought,” he has to clear his throat, “it’s who can do it the fastest,” it’s barely even a question with how quiet he mumbled the words - you’re not even sure he knew what he was saying.

“Who said I wanted to win, baby?” And he lets out a moan, a full blown moan before he encases your throat with his mouth, and he’s almost animalistic in the way he growls against your skin at the taste. He bites down when he reaches just above the lime and your eyes roll back unconsciously before opening to see him throw his head back with the shot, not a single wince in his eyes because they are so driven by desire. The shot glass is slammed behind him before he dives into your cleavage to retrieve the lime, and in some display of masculinity that almost has you keening he rips the lime from his mouth and tosses it behind you, juice rolling down his face and onto his jaw to linger with the line of salt that glistens there.

You don’t even realise you're on his throat until the overly salty taste pricks your mouth and you can feel his jaw tense beneath you. You're almost in a haze when the tequila sets your throat ablaze but you become fully conscious of the way he grabs a fistful of your hair, pushes you to the floor until your dress bunches and has you sucking at the lime that rests mockingly above his hard cock. 

By some miracle you find yourself back up at eye level, chests heaving to the point of almost touching, and if you didn’t have a lime in your mouth right now you’d either be swearing obscenely in some gesture of saying ‘your so fucking hot’ or your lips would be around his dick.

With a gulp and a tilt of his head backwards, he gains a level of composure that allows him to ease the lime from your lips with his fingers, letting them brush at your skin to have you shivering.

It’s almost comical the way you both pant, eyes ablaze in each others, and completely oblivious to the outside world and how many, way too many people have seen your display. But there is nothing but the burn in your bodies right now as he grabs your hand wordlessly and drags you as fast as your heels will allow. 

It’s like a switch had flipped in him somewhere back there. Even if this whole thing was roleplay, at least you knew how to play it with your boyfriend back there, knew the way he ticks and what would make his cock twitch - Jungkook’s normally easy to read like that. But when he almost breaks the disabled toilet door down with his hand, there is no game left to play - the restraints are off and the fire of lustful rage is fueled.

“You-” he slams you back against the door before its even swung shut and you can get a single word in. It’s carnal the way he’s latching onto your mouth, grabbing your hands that try to clasp at his neck and throw them up next to your head, and shoves a knee between your sopping thighs.

“I almost fucking came in my trousers back there when you got on your knees,” you don’t think you’ve ever heard his voice so low and rough before but it courses through you more than the heavy bass of the club music. “You had me stood there ready to fuck your mouth open, but you thought you’d fucking tease your way through it.”  

He’s domineering and your completely and utterly keening for it. Even more so when the grip he has on your wrist tightens and brings it down to his crotch, forcing your latch onto the erection that strains sinfully, painfully in his trousers and you feel intimidated enough at his display that you don’t palm him, don’t give him a pleasureful squeeze like you normally would when you had more control of your emotions. But you're shocked and fucked out - beyond that even.

“You feel that shit. Fuck, I’ve never been this hard before,” you moan out lowly, finding it increasingly difficult to control your breathing, the nature of the lust in your body calling out for some friction on your body. But he stands there, eyes ablaze, panting his taunting remarks into your agape mouth. “You’re making it so damn hard not to fuck you.”

“Do it,” you whisper without even knowing and neither does Jungkook because the ringing in both of your ears is deafening.

“I’ve always wanted to see you fall apart around my cock… lose it as I fuck you,” his crotch starts riveting into your hand and you know he’s imaging what it would feel like with his dick nestled deep in your walls right now, “God I want to pound into you.”

“Fuck.”

Fuck, because never have his words been so dirty before.

“You’re so damn hot I actually can’t control myself right now,” and his dick follows his words. Your hand now acts as your pussy - in his head anyway - as the friction of his trousers begins sending him neck deep in pleasure. 

You actually think you could come from watching it. How his head now bows into your neck and his teeth set into your skin because he can’t even control how slack his jaw has become. The way he’s getting harder and harder against your hand and his movements are constantly seeking more. Fucking hell, you’re both fully clothed, his dicks rock hard in his pants but he’s so pent up on you and the desire you’ve caused that he’s chasing an orgasm basically untouched. 

“I- oh fuck.”

“Come on baby,” you feed him, words moaned against his ear and hand flattening more purposefully against him, “fuck me harder.”

“Argh- fuc-fucking hell,” he’s spurred on by the illusion you offer. His eyes rolled back in his head as he imagines the feeling of being balls deep in you. 

“Think how good I’d feel. Fuck, you’d be so deep uhh,” you moan out at the end as the harshness of the way his hips snap into yours causes your hand nestled between you to deliciously rub on your clit. 

You hadn’t realised that your dress had ridden up in the commotion of you sex driven states, that your ass was pressed up against the cool surface and gave you goosebumps despite the way you body oozes heat, that you panties were so wrecked by your arousal that your hand might as well be rubbing you raw. And with Jungkook’s quickening pace, the friction against your clit makes you all too driven to seek your end as well as his. It’s filthy.

“Ko-uh. Fuck, Kook, I need you fingers- ah,” your walls are throbbing at the thought, but his teeth remain deep set in the junction between your neck and shoulder, his hips still thrusting up and into your hand, so you think you’re desire has gone unheard.

But all too quickly, he forgets the end he was chasing. 

Suddenly, he backs away from you, leaving you untouched and leaning forward into the air, whilst his cock screams in the confines of his trousers. He growls at the way he had to stop himself from cumming too soon.

“Baby,” it’s a whine from the back of your throat that you had no plan to release. But the way your chest heaves and your thighs cross one another for friction just spells to you and him just how inflamed your body is. 

His eyes move away from your desperate ones, and his neck reclines back as he swallows - trying with all his strength to keep it together, to not cum from merely watching your cleavage, drenched in his and your sweat, rise and fall with the way your breathing staggers. Watching him is torture for yourself, but you don’t want to miss the way his cock throbs. 

You have no idea how long you’re there, him grappling at his sanity and you watching him.

“Baby, I-”

“Fuck, don’t talk,” his face almost contorts in pain and his head lowers into his chest to halt his urge to look at you. 

But, you’re horny and you're a brat, so you persist.

“Jungkook, I need you right now.”

Silence falls for a mere second.

Like a man possessed he lunges back towards your body, and before you can react he’s on his knees violently pushing the thin fabric of your dress up and ripping your panties down your legs.

“What don’t you understand about shut the fuck up.” And with that he’s on your clit, hands shoving your legs in opposite directions and over his shoulders so you lose your balance and end up speared on his tongue.

“Kook!” It’s a cry that’s shouted into the air when your head is thrown back - a reaction to both the immense feeling that tightens at your core and a warning to the man below you that you might just crush him.

But he’s devouring your pussy whole. He’s no longer tending to your clit, but lapping his tongue up and down the entire expanse of your slit, letting the muscle of his tongue slip into your entrance making your stomach drop every time. He’s hellbent on making you cum that’s for sure, because no matter the tug of your hands at his scalp to let up even just a little, he’s growling into you and plunging deeper. 

You want to pull away, to finally take a break from the intense pressure on your core or maybe to breathe for the first time since he decided to drop to his knees. But you’re feet don’t touch the ground, literally, and he’s suspending you on his tongue. 

His hands push you down further onto him and he growls into you, vibrations coursing through you that almost makes you cum then and there. But he breaks away.

“Fuck,” he sounds fucked out himself, taking in all the air he can, because god knows he was eating your pussy like it was oxygen. “Baby, you gotta cum on my tongue, please.” 

He was the one eating you out, yet you had him pleading. Boy always did submit in the end, whether he liked it or not.

“Fingers then. Use your fingers,” and he obeys, releasing your thigh in favour of thrusting two of his digits deep into you. All your weight goes onto his shoulders and the two fingers set so far into your womb that you were crying out in pleasure. It wasn’t until his mouth resumed sucking on your clit that you lost all control of your tongue and rambled into the air like a mad woman. 

“F-Fuckkk Kook. I want ah- fuck I want your cum inside me. I want your dick so bad,” he’s moaning with you and with your words, being spurred on by the image you paint. He curls his fingers deep inside you, and you lose yourself on the feeling - being so stimulated that you miss the fact you’re grinding on his face, thrusting up as if his fingers were really his cock. He’s moaning at it, at the way your pace picks up on his tongue and you’re seeking your end.

“Don’t stop, oh fuck, oh fuck, please- don’t stop.”

You’re driving yourself deeper and deeper into him and fuckkk if the pleasure hasn’t taken over your senses beyond belief. Your stomach pulls so tight with the need to release that you’re grappling at the strands of hair on the back of your boyfriend’s head and using them to anchor yourself. He’s purely a mouth and two fingers to fuck yourself on at this moment and you couldn’t stop yourself even if you tried.

“Shit, fuckk,” his fingers start going at a rate, not even your hips can keep up with, and he’s so deep you almost choke like the pressure inside you has reached up into your throat.

“Come on baby, fuck,” his gravelly voice seeks out for you to come all over him.

“Holy fuckin-” the feeling comes on so intense inside of you that you struggle to warn him, your breathing constricted almost into nothingness. You feel like you’re about to cum with such strength that you might die.

“I can’t Kook- oh fuckk.”

“Give it to me.”

His teeth clamp down on your clit at the same time as his fingers curl against that spot inside you that suddenly has everything spiralling at once. 

“Don’t stoppp, don’t stop, oh fuck,” you sputter into the air as a band snaps in your lower stomach, blood pumping everywhere and anywhere in your body so that your hips begin spasming and convulsing on top of his mouth. 

He whines into you as his mouth keep fastening all too strongly against your bud. It’s when the pressure that keeps falling in your stomach and Kook is forced to pull his fingers out of you that you feel your juices spill and keep spilling all over you and him.

“Holy fuck baby… Y/N shit.”

You tumble further and further and miss the noises that are pushed from your throat. In the intensity of the pleasure you also miss the way Jungkook’s body, his tongue on your clit, his fingers on your thigh and the ones lodged deep inside you, all tense up. 

Shit.

You wonder if you’ve blacked out when the slump of your body takes over, the eventual air you take in in one large breath making your senses begin to come back all too strong. You’re broken from the waist down, legs numb to the point you can barely feel Jungkook’s teeth tight on your thigh and breath glazing the skin strongly. Shit, you can’t even feel how wet you are yet.

You know the weight he’s bearing on his shoulders, but you can’t muster the strength to move, merely loosening your hands from how tight they were wound in his locks and instead soothing down to his neck with your trembling fingers. 

Finally, the spin in your head stops and your eyes are open enough so that you can look down at the sight below you.

He’s breathless and wet. Wet from sweat and the way you’d just squirted all over his tongue, fingers and trousers - well that’s what you figure anyways. His eyes are sewn shut though in the aftermath of it all, and your thoughts begin to piece together.

“Baby, you good?” you’re scared he has too much literal weight on his shoulders. You’re also scared he’s still painfully hard. “Kook?” and finally a coherent mumble of ‘yeh’ against your thigh tells you, no, you didn’t just kill your boyfriend by cumming on his face.

It’s a slow process the way he lets your legs down, and you wince as he does so because you swear his fingers just split you open. You also forgot about the heels practically taped to your feet, stumbling a little one foot at a time as he lowers you off his shoulders.

His eyelids still hang low, and he makes no move to join you at eye level, instead, pressing his face into your thigh and running his ragged breath there for too long. 

“Fuck, seriously, you good baby?” your pussy still throbs, but your boyfriend is too still for you to take notice.

And suddenly he’s laughing. Wholeheartedly laughing into your skin, back, that’s slicked with sweat, raising up and down as he does so.

“Shit,” is all he says when his eyes, crinkled in laughter and exhaustion finally meet yours, peering up from his squat. It’s infectious and has you laughing too, albeit half heartedly because your throat hurts and you’re not sure if your lungs can take much more unnatural breathing.

“You literally just made me cum in my pants.”

Fuck. You’re eyes bulge and pass between the look of disbelief of his face, to the, now, very noticeable stain on his crotch, and back again. Boy literally just came untouched because you can still feel the imprint of one hand on your thigh and you’re pretty sure the other hand was occupied if you remember correctly.

“What the fuck!” Is all you can say.

“Yeh, I know ‘what the fuck!’ Sorry but since when could you squirt.” His legs are still shaking beneath him. “It made me just fucking shoot my load on sight.”

You’re laughing, bending at the waist to help the poor boy up to his feet, and he accepts the help as he finally towers over you and meets your eyes - both looking at each other with warmth and a vague emotion of disbelief, because as if he just came in his pants!

“Seriously, don’t know what the hell you just did to me, but I don’t think I’ll ever be that turned on ever in my life again,” he’s sputtering out now like a boy charged on drained hormones and ageing drunkness. 

You laugh at his state and the way his eyes still bulge, grabbing the skin of his neck that’s thick with sweat and push a kiss to his lips. It doesn’t linger because you’re too spent and oxygen is like gold dust to you right now.

“So you enjoyed yourself I’m guessing?”

“Fucking hell did I!” You both can’t stop the way your laughter spills at the situation. 

You see his shoulders eventually relax, his breathing less frequent and the look in his eyes turns soft. 

“Fuck, I’m so in love with you.” Despite your heart still beating like it’s on steroids, you feel it skip a beat, equal to the way you can’t help the tug on the corners of your mouth. 

“Cringy bastard,” you whisper next to his lips, a whole new warmth spreading through you at the way his eyes are filled with adoration.

“Only for you.”

“You make me sick.” But in your head, you’re saying the opposite, because you can’t fight the blush despite how generic his cringe worthy compliments hit.

With clothes vaguely realigned, you’re ready to join society once again, albeit hobbling, but your boyfriend refuses to break the bubble you’re in for just a second longer.

“Say it back.” And when you turn from the door to him, he’s actually pouting, eyes a little less bright as though you’re unspoken words have hit harder than you realised. “Please.”

Your relationship with Kook was built off backhanded compliments and competitive sarcasm, both equally easy-going people with a knack for not taking anything seriously. It was how you two worked. But there’s some things you can’t feign, and the way he said “I love you” with deliberate sadness was one of those things, because hell, you sure loved him too.

His cheeks nestled in both of your palms now as your soft eyes met his ones, vulnerable with the way he’d bared himself and pleaded after you, you spoke softly.

“I love you.”

---------------------------------------------------------

“Fuck you, Kook. Stop acting like you own me.”

“Then don’t try to sleep with the whole swim team.”

Dick.

This shit is rare. Fighting Jungkook is rare. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Because whilst you’re both too easy going for your own good and take most things on the chin, jealousy hurts like a bitch. 

“Jesus you’re fucking testing my patience.” You settle yourself deep in his kitchen, long strides over there because his presence alone is making you want to rip hairs out of your skull. But he’s there soon after, leaning to try to get into your line of sight as you busy yourself with a glass and fuck, where’s that bottle of wine.

“Nah, don’t act like I’m pushing you. I asked you why Jimin’s asking to meet you, and you can’t come up with a damn straight answer or show me your phone.” You find the wine in the fridge, pretending Jungkook is background noise like the petty bitch you are, but his words are ringing in your head louder than you care for. “Don’t treat me like I’m delusional.” 

You slam the bottle down a little too hard on the counter and his eyes jump to the sound. But your expression is dead set, angry, persistent, but he’d say stubborn.

“You’re actually dumb. The whole fucking issue is that I shouldn’t have to tell you why someone texts me or not.” His mouth opens to argue but you’re off on one, “Whether it’s Jimin, whether it’s my mum, whether it was your fucking maintenance guy, it’s my phone, don’t check it, and don’t pretend you’re entitled to.” 

His eyes narrow and you almost think there’s something in him contemplating your words, maybe, just maybe trying to hear you out and understand where you’re coming from. But if you were stubborn, then Jungkook was competitive - he wouldn't stop until you thought he was right.

“Why the fuck did he text you.”

You want to scream. You want to smash his glass against the floor and scream fucking murder. But instead you find your body tensing and you face heating up with the need to cry. He’s getting in your head and you hate it, because he’s never like this. He’s easy. He’s such good company and probably your best friend but why is he making it so hard to like, let alone love him right now.

“Fuck it. Here,” you fish in your pocket, eyes still on his despite the feeling of them heating up and the wetness pooling. You unlock your phone and push it to his chest. “God knows, we were just trying to arrange something for your birthday without you finding out, but you and your fucking jealousy can’t take that, can they Kook?”

You have so much more to say. Your head is spinning with the need to empty your gut of all the words you want to throw at him. About how jealousy is certainly not a virtue in this case, about how you can’t bear that he doesn’t trust you despite all you’ve given up for him, about how damn unfair he is being right now. But you hit his shoulder with yours and are half walking half running to his bathroom before you can contemplate what you’re doing.

“Y/N, fuck,” and of course now he’s apologetic. Calling after you in a tone that screams innocence but to you, he is anything but that right now.

You close the door with haste and push your back against it even faster. 

The worst part is you’re not even that angry anymore. The tears fall in sadness. 

“Baby,” his knock rattles the door but only gently in an attempt to be sensitive with you. He’s fucked up and he knows that, but there’s a combination of not wanting him to see you cry and the need to be away from him for a minute that has you still sitting by the door, not making any attempt to open it.

“Baby, I didn’t know- I wouldn’t have.”

“Jungkook can you give it a rest for one minute,” you sound pained. You feel it as well. Maybe you’re overreacting, you think, as you hear him sigh and mumble an ‘okay’ before his footsteps peter out into another room. 

You cry more and continue to do so as you begin to run the bath, and then more tears flow when you watch yourself in the mirror as you tug at your stained cheeks with a cloth. Your tears are still wet on your cheeks when you lower yourself into the warm water and become absorbed in the feeling of it, melting away until you fall into the slumber of sleep. It’s the same slumber that doesn’t cause you to be startled when the door creaks open, your boyfriend pausing to take in your state before he strips himself down to join you.

You know he’s there when he gently sinks into the water behind you, but you make no attempt to move out of the way his knees encase you. His touch is apprehensive and careful, and you can practically hear the thoughts in his head move at a thousand miles an hour.

You know Jungkook. You know all too well that right now, he’s cut up inside, thinking of every way possible to take back time and to undo the stupid shit he was spouting earlier. He’s thinking about how fucked up he was to let jealousy do that to him, to get the better of his, and he’s thinking of every which way to make it right to you. You know, because you’re the same. We’re all in the wrong at some point, and everyone is more than the worst thing they’ve ever done.

So you grab at his hands that still hover in the air with unspoken uncertainty and you pull them to yourself, tight, and on your neck there is a desperate sigh of relief.

“I’m so sorry,” his tone is so apologetic you almost start crying all over again, but exhaustion and the need to forgive are all too strong. “Y/N, I’m so sorry, I-”

You know there are more words he wants to say, maybe to show you how bad he feels, maybe he’ll try and justify himself, but either way, you’re pushover ass forgave him before the argument even happened. You also simply like the boy too goddamn much to see him splutter in your neck because he’s scared he’ll lose you.

With your lips pressed to the back of his hands that you’ve encased in yours, you mutter, “Shhh, I know you are.” 

The water sloshes in the distance somewhere as he pulls you tighter to him like you’re an anchor and if he lets you go he’ll be lost. Kisses are placed down your neck gently and you let your eyes flutter shut again because you can’t lie in that he is the most comforting place to you right now.

Silence falls but not uncomfortably, fingers brushing skin like its china and breathing soft as you both give into each others touch.

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”

Maybe you are too forgiving Your mother always told you you were - ‘people won’t be so kind to your patience one day Y/N.’ - that’s what she’d told you. And she’s probably right that one day you’ll come to find that you’ve been used and abused for all the ‘it's okay’s’ and ‘I forgive you’s’ you’d uttered. But you didn’t use forgiveness as an easy way out, you used it when it was deserved. And Jungkook’s jealousy, whilst fucking annoying, was a human instinct - possibly more of a male instinct than female, you think - but it’s a natural reaction all the same. Compromise instead of conclusion.

“You have to start trusting me, you know.”

“I know,” a hasty response, maybe because he actually has realised he needs to trust you or maybe he just doesn’t want to prolong discussion. You hope and believe the first,

“You can’t keep this jealousy thing up. Particularly not with Jimin, I don’t want to be the reason your shit is ruined, it’s too good.”

The two of them best friends from the womb. But boys apparently will be boys and think any dick that goes near their girlfriend is aiming for one place and one place only, whether 21 years into friendship or not.

“I know.” The repeat of words makes you think he’s not listening to you, but then he sighs. “It’s just- I can’t- Fuck! He drives me up the wall, says all kinds of shit behind your back and mine about how fit you are because he knows it grills me.” This is new. “And then he sends you texts when I didn’t even know you had each others number and you won’t tell me what they are. It just fucked with my head and when you end up picturing the worst it’s hard to get that picture out of your head.”

It made sense, and he was getting angry with himself by the way his tone spiked, so you diffuse the tension.

“Hmm but if you weren’t so jealous your birthday wouldn’t have been ruined,” you feel his head slump and then he laughs, and you laugh, and then he’s squeezing you and forcing your eyes to his.

“You make me mental that’s why,” you’re close but he makes no move to kiss you, “and I’m sorry that I got like that when I had no reason to do so. I’ll change that I promise,”  he sounded sincere, looked sincere, and you’re a sucker for the way he’s naked and so close his breath hits your smile that you’re kissing him before you can feign trust. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

“You know you almost got me in big shit the other day,” the bell rings above your head as you and Jimin leave the cold in favour of the warmth of the bar. Thursday nights didn’t call for many people, so you found a seat easily at a booth, casual wear on and smile dancing across that idiots face.

“Kook told me.” Of course he did, “As if he got his dick caught between his legs because I sent you a text. Like does he really think I’d shag you.”

You scoff, “Cheers for that.”

“You know what I mean. If I got the chance I’d fucking take it, but Kook’s my brother,” and to be fair you did know what he meant. In fact it was a miracle Jungkook had been all calm and breezy when you’d told him you were meeting Jimin for drinks - maybe it was this new thing he was trying called ‘play it cool and let her do her own thing’ - even so, you liked it. 

You end up ordering beers, after all, it is only a Thursday so that means no hard spirits, but it’s also the afternoon so that means alcohol.

“I’m glad to hear you’re not gonna pounce Jim.” He laughs, you laugh, thank god, because ever since you and Jungkook had shouted about the texting and Jimin issue, you were scared you’d have to keep a distance from the boy to prevent awkwardness. “How you been anyways?”

“Is that another way of saying who’ve I fucked since we last spoke,” his eyebrows wiggle like he’s got something to be proud about.

“Jesus, you only do think with your dick don’t you?” 

“Come onn, ask me who I took home the other night,” he’s leaning forward with a smile that you want to smother, but you humour him for the sake of conversation.

“Which unlucky bird shared your bed the other night then?” You say it with a downward tone to express your distaste for the way your conversation has headed. You also nod a thank you to the waiter who’d brought beers over, pint on either side of the table.

“Well, maybe you should ask your roommate.”

Beer must fly out of your nose, mouth and ears with the way you choke. Literally, you’re spluttering everywhere and he’s laughing and you’re sure it’s a sick joke, but his smile says otherwise.

“She’s fucking gay!” That’s all you come up with. You know your roommate like the back of your hand, or so you think, and every part of you is wracking every part of your brain right now for some conversation where she said she’d shag Jimin, or shag a guy in fact. Nope, nothing.

“I thought so too, clearly she didn’t.” You’re angry at him by the way you scoff and take another long sip of your beer but you don’t even know why. Maybe you’re angry at her, but that also kind of feels invalid.

“As if she didn’t tell me.” He just shrugs. “... nah what the fuck man!” 

“Listen, talk to her about it. I’m pretty sure I was mad drunk, so was she, and she left before I woke up so…” The last bit sounds about right, Mia was never one for sticking around for morning cuddles, but it’s all just wrong and it’s stewing in your head like a bad memory. 

You're still questioning your entire existence it seems like when the conversation moves onto why you’re really here, or as Jimin says it, “So if the fucker knows we’re doing something for his birthday now, does that mean we actually have to do it?” 

God, he’s hard to talk to. You find yourself for half your conversations with Jimin either saying ‘fuck off’ or your scoffing. You do the latter now.

“We were doing something anyway, don’t act like you don’t care. But yeh, he knows, so why don’t we just fucking put in money for alcohol and bud and hit up the beach or something at Hobi’s. Simples.”

Jimin downs his pint - it’s a Thursday and you don’t know why - and then nods, “Yeh, sounds like I can fuck with that. But let’s tell Taehyung cos he’s rich and loves weed more than the next person.”

----------------------------------------------------------

Like hell was there booze and weed. Taehyung had done the most, with Namjoon, and there was enough for 200 people to get fucked 10 times over, which with the 70 people that were apparently already at the beach, seemed like a mass death wish.

Hoseok, poor Hoseok, was hosting. You’d asked and he’d accepted like the selfless man he is and also because he loves Jungkook like a mother loves her child. It wasn’t his uni place, but his parent's beach house on the part of the coast where the beach stretched 20 yards deep and the water felt like the arctic on your skin, but even so, the parties out there were sick. 

You can just tell by the boyish grin on your boyfriends face he knows exactly the way this route takes you, the taxi driver, however, keeps giving you evils through the mirror probably because this journey is long and you’re not even on a real road at this point. But the vodka already in your system means you don’t care and you hold Jungkook’s hand in full-fledged excitement.

You swear you’re not corny.

He keeps his hand in yours even when you pay the driver, and tightens it further when everyone around the back of the cabin rings out in a chorus of ‘surprise’. He even holds your hand when he’s handed both a beer and a joint, somehow juggling them both in his free one.

Somewhere along the line between sharing conversations and drinking yourself silly, he whispers a ‘thank you’ in your ear, and presses a grateful kiss onto your lips.

The sun had been low for a while, with the expanded horizon offering the perfect view to watch it set. 

Still not corny, you promise.

But the smoke flowing through your system and the light hum of alcohol to accompany it just doesn’t allow for you to leave his side. Even through conversation after conversation, ‘happy birthday’ handshakes that made him switch which hand he was holding you with just so he didn’t let go, and even when the boys attempted a birthday bumps, you were there, glued tight.

“Fuck it, I wanna skinny dip!” Oh Jimin, oh that poor poor boy and his utterly delusional brain.

“Mate, that’s the high talking, leave it out.” You’re glad your boyfriend speaks sense when intoxicated because Tae’s there behind him clapping his back, encouraging him.

“Jim, legit 5 degrees right now, your dick’ll fall off if you go anywhere close to the sea.” And Namjoon, also ever with the straight head. Ah, you say that, but when you turn to the geez he chucks the small end of a lit blunt in his mouth and then swallows it down with beer - I guess his head will be going sideways now, in T-minus 5 seconds.

“You guys are pussys, my dick’ll just shrivel a bit…” 

“Fucking rancid, don’t wanna hear it.” Throwing your half empty beer can also seems to do the trick of shutting him up about his dick as he hangs his jaw that’s dripping with beer, warm from being half finished.

“Bitch.”

“Oi! None of that, Park.” Jungkook’s tone is serious but he’s smiling all the same, content in the setting he’s in, not despite of but because of the deluded conversation, the weird dynamic you guys all have, the way he’s just himself, and the fact you’re there too, with a vice grip on his hand.

It’s all breathy laughs and the occasional pressing of lips on your neck from where you’re sat on your boyfriend’s lap, as the conversation delves from somewhere between Jimin’s sex life (surprise surprise) to what Hoseok would look like on steroids - the mutual group decision, so, so, wrong. 

“Baby, I wanna get going.” 

“Hm?” You were caught in laughter and didn’t think you heard him right, so you turn in his lap to throw an arm around his shoulder, all eyes and ears for your man.

“I kind of wanna get going home.”

You’re surprised, looking through the glaze in his eyes to see if he’s too stoned or not having a good time, but you just see him content gaze, boring adoration into yours. Leaving now would also make you the first to leave, and it was his party.

“You wanna go like right now, right now?”

“Mmm,” and there’s something you can't pinpoint in his expression, apprehension maybe.

“Okay, should I be worried? You’re good right?” 

And his head drops to make you think ‘shit’, but then he’s laughing, shoulders shaking under your tense arms before he grabs at your face and places a kiss on either cheek. The blush creeps up on you before you can hide your face in his shoulder.

“I’m fine, so good.”  It’s almost a shout of a confession as he throws his head back to demonstrate the emotion behind the words, but the way his smile lifts to his eyes tells you all you need to know. You’re still not quite getting why the happy boy you’re perching on wants to ditch his own surprise party, but each to their own, you think.

“Okay? You’re sure you don’t want to stay?”

Affirming you’re correct with a head shake, he leans in once again, squeezing at your sides ungraciously tight before smashing his lips to yours in a rough, open mouthed kiss that is neither something you were ready for or something you’re about to do with Jimin and Namjoon next to you.

So, you’re both laughing, him attempting to plaster his lips to your face and you swatting as his arm that fixes you in place to him.

“Kook fu- baby,” you begin to scramble away and he lets you, laughing out at the way you flatten your hair and fumble at you jeans as a means to compose yourself, “Time and a place, you dick.”

Stares and smiles are all you give each other as the ambient sounds of others continue around you. It’s like that with him - the world keeps buzzing around you but you’re not in that world, you’re somewhere too deep in his.

Please believe me, you’re not cringy!

“Come back,” hand out, legs spread wide to make room for you and you cannot help the way your feet appease his every word.

You’re eyes down on him, and his up at you, blown full with love, lust and everything in between and you settle in the warmth of his proximity and in the heat of his gaze.

“I love you.”

So you kiss him, because, “I love you too Kook.”

“Now order that fucking taxi, I wanted to go all of two hours ago.” And there he is, earning himself another smack to the arm.

“You bastard, you’re lucky I’m whipped.”

“Yeh you fucking are Y/N!” Jimin can suck a dick, the wanker. Throwing a final middle finger up to the offending boy and holding the other hand out for your boyfriend, you get onto the route home.

Silence is not always a bad thing. You’d told yourself that the whole way home. You especially knew how car journeys when inconceivably high and drunk could make the head spin and the voice mute, but neither of you were inconceivably high or drunk. His hand was still there on yours from beach to taxi, taxi to apartment, apartment to bedroom, but the smile was gone. 

“Baby, what’s wrong, talk to me.”

“Mmm?” Playing it off, yet he still won’t look at you - the boy never could do confrontation or telling you what he wants.

He’s across the room, carrying the tea he’d made you to your side of the bed when you told him you’d felt a headache coming on. And you’re there just watching, the moping, the shrug and the way he now stops as you reach out your hand to tug at his shirt. 

“Oi, look at me.” Eventually, and what looks like with effort, he does. “You gonna talk to me now, or what?” And you begin to worry at the way his gaze digs into your face, eyes pouring emotion that is scattered in so many different directions you can’t keep up. Is he sad? Nervous? Why would he be nervous?

“I love you.” There’s more to be said just in the way those three words come out, and it scares you.

“Okayy…”

“Like I really love you. So much sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing with you.”

“Koo-” He grabs at your neck and finally takes control of his voice, no longer apprehensive and filled with mixed signals, but so affirmative that it takes every word from your mouth.

“You’ve waited for me Y/N. So fucking long. I’ve been shit to you as well recently. I just can’t fathom that you’re here and you’re mine and it fucking scares me, you have to get that.” Eyes well on both his and your side, as words unspoken, are finally spilt. Maybe it’s the occasion or the alcohol but you don’t care. “Everything about you is everything I ever want and what happens if I fuck it up and lose it. I can’t lose you.”

“I can’t lose you.” It’s a mantra spoken by him on so many occasions, like if he says it, it’ll never happen.

“And what if I feel the same, Kook.” Forehead to forehead now and so deep into the caverns of his eyes, you’d give him your whole soul if he asked. 

“You do?.. Feel the same?” You’re sure he knows you do. You’re sure he hasn’t been deaf to the thousands of ‘I love you’s’ and wholehearted confessions made by you. But he’s fragile to the extent that he needs to hear it. Needs to hear you say that you’re willing to lose everything here.

In a passing breath you whisper your confession, “yes,” and he squeezes at the hairs at the back of your neck that stand on end with every goosebump in your body. 

The tears fall just as he puts his lips to yours and oxygen becomes gold dust with the way you’re so breath taken. But it’s the happy kind of breath taken, that feeling right before christmas as a kid when you know everything’s waiting for you on the other side of sleep, that feeling where the sinking dries up in your stomach and every fibre of you body buzzes uncontrollably, the kind of breath taken where you smile and laugh in full-fledged giddiness.

Pulling away, you do just that, laugh against his mouth, smile without thought, and despite the tears that drip onto your lips you keep kissing at him, peck after peck because he’s laughing and crying with you.

Fuck, this was the moment you were converted to cringe. You didn’t give two shits about it either.

“I thought you were about to fucking break up with me, you absolute knob!” He thumb scoops up the tears as he laughs at you, sniffling to himself in the emotion of the moment that you two were still somewhere swept up in.

“You’re an idiot.” 

“Maybe.” 

Before the last tear is swept away at the motion of his thumb on your cheek, Kook ducks down and sweeps you up, over his shoulder and then with a not so forgiving thump to your back, you hit the bed - looks like he forgot his bed was made of fucking rocks, great for sex though, no squeak. And suddenly it dawns on you as hard as you just hit that mattress. That look in his eyes, now, earlier at the beach, the entire strung out fucking monologue he just gave you. All in the name of sex. 

“Can we- you want to- do it.” 

Fuck, it’s actually happening.

You suppress the butterflies with a laugh that surfaces from the way he stutters. 

“Well, what the fuck dyou want me to say. We’ve waited 5 months and you want me to just say, ‘oi Y/N, let me fuck you’.” 

But the laughing doesn’t seize. 

“I’m sure fucking not saying I want to make love to you, because imagine that gettin relayed to the boys. Instantly my dick goes from a 7 on hard to a 5.”

“Aw babe, give yourself credit, you’re at least a 5 and a half.”

“Bitch.” 

And with that he presses his full weight into you, smiling into the kiss that sucks deep into your lips, harsh but tender in all the right places. It turns you on the way he goes slow with you, maps outlines on your skin with his touches, and it makes you even hornier when his boner slowly grows into the meat of your thigh. 

It’s a moan in response to him biting your lip that has him off you and flipping the position so you straddle him. But tight jeans don’t accommodate for being on top, the fucking inconvenient bitch, so it’s with the slow teasing pace, that he seems to be going for, that you take as the jeans come off. 

“Fuck,” is whispered somewhere between you purchasing yourself right on his crotch and the way you raise you crop top over naked breasts. 

This is not uncharted territory. The two of you aren’t nuns who have abstained from everything and anything in your relationship. No, you’re far from holy. But the way your boyfriend gapes, eyes blown and breathing sharp, he’s like a virgin on steroids.

When you lean into his body, claiming his lips once again you notice the shaking, the way his body uncontrollable shivers underneath you despite the perspiration that soaks through his shirt.

“Baby, you’re shaking,” you whisper into his mouth, and he simply nods a frantic ‘yes’ against you. “Kook, calm down, relax, baby,” and after grasping gently at his chin to pry his lips off yours, you find his gaze, eyes blown in lust and fear. 

“Okay? I’m all yours,” you take his hand and lead it to your breast, then ushering it towards the steady beat of your heart, felt beneath trembling fingertips. “All yours.”

Running your hands over the tension in his biceps, you attempt to put him at ease with the roll of your hips. His bulge hadn’t gone unnoticed for a second and it was perfectly place with the tip resting on your clit, that you could probably both go to town like that - who said romance was dead! 

“Fuck Y/N.” 

“There you go,” you push him on, sucking into the rift between his neck and his shoulders and strong arms now scoop over and round to your ass. The squeeze is convincing, hard enough that you don’t fight back the moan and hard enough that your hips move that little bit harsher. 

Breaths are heavy in your ear as you find yourself slipping deeper into the pleasure of the moment, but you know he’ll never take the initiative and make the first move.

“You’re so hard Kook.”

A groan in all he responds as you hit that spot just on his tip that he loves so much.

“I want you so bad.”

“Fuck, me too,” and desperation for more than the slow grind you opted for overcomes him. Lips latch onto yours in a harsh display as he flips you once again. 

You can’t help but smirk to yourself, pure filthy excitement taking over the fibres of your body as he stares down at you now, hungry and horny.

“Fuck, I’ve wanted this so bad for so long Y/N you have no idea.” 

“Off,” and he gets the message with how his shirt is off and somewhere across the room without his dick leaving its place nestled in your crotch.

“I’ve been dying to have you, all of you.” His teeth are clawing at the skin of your neck as he pants out his dirty confession to the rhythm of his hips. 

“You’ve been dying to fuck me, Kook?” It’s a teasing tone, but there’s no hiding the breathiness behind your voice.

“Fuck yeh.”

“Then go ahead and fuck me.”

When his gaze meets yours, his eyes are wide and disbelieving. But you’re more focused on the stain of his lips from sunken teeth and the way his hair sticks to his face from sweat. You also haven’t failed to miss the bare, toned torso pressed neatly onto your chest - abs to die for and v lines that leave the eyes wandering an unholy amount of southward.

“You want me to go in raw?” You feign laughter at how giddy he looks at the prospect.

“Birth controls a saint innit.”

“Fuck, I’m scared I’ll come in two seconds.” Great turn on. You think, you don’t say.

His trousers are off fast but when it comes to your panties, he’s calculated in the way he lowers himself to eyes level with your core, breathing haphazardly in his lust induced state into the material that he proceeds to run down the length of your leg and off at your feet.

Eyes trail up your body as he crawls his way back to your now exposed core, “Jesus, you’re so sexy.” 

“Jungkook! What would God say if he heard you talk about his son that way!”

His head literally drops and he groans, as if the turn off button hadn’t already been switched when he told you he’d blow his load as soon as dick met pussy.

“I literally have no words Y/N.” 

“Well, you better put that mouth to better use then baby.”

“Bitch.”

But his tongue is darted out and into your folds, no matter the reluctance, and he soon finds that same taste, bitter and sweet all at once that draws him in every fucking time.

“Fuck Kook.” The reaction is instant, spine arched away from the mattress as his tongue sets to work inside you, darting in and out so fast that your hips couldn’t keep up if they tried. It’s when he flattens it against your clit and the hand once pinning down a thigh pushes two fingers in so fucking deep that the moans spill. 

“Shit that’s tight,” he mutters to himself more than anyone as his delving fingers reach that spot that has you stringing his name and curses into an aimless sentence. And the scene below you is even hotter than the feeling at your core, Jungkook, nestled between your legs with lips to clit, hand to pussy, and hips rutting desperately into the mattress. He’s a whole fucking view and it has you keening with your hands rooted in his hair that are telling him wordlessly not to let up.

When his eyes meet yours, you knows its game over, smirk overtaking his features as his fingers piston and fuck you open, thumb taking over the role his lips had on your clit just so he gets to watch you fall apart under him.

“That’s it baby, cum for me.”

“Holy fuc- shitt. Jungkook.” And your moans are the hottest things he’s ever heard as you tumble into a hell of a fucking orgasm. Shocks ripple through your body with the rate of his fingers and everything pulses as you cum, and keep fucking cumming.

Kook can barely help the way his cock seeks better friction against the mattress because of the bliss written on your face. And he almost forgets to let up on the frantic way his fingers still fuck you because your glistening chest lifting up and down in the light has his focus completely elsewhere. 

“Kook, I can’t.”

“Sorry baby,” he lets up with one final kiss to your clit, the jolt of pain and pleasure causing you to whine briefly. His cock twitches at the sound.

“Y/N I’m so hard, please.” 

You drag him up with the hand still woven deep in his locks so he’s eye level, and dick level with the place he wants it most. Wordlessly and still driven by the buzz from your orgasm, your hand guides him into you and fuck if the moan against your mouth isn’t the best thing you’ve ever heard.

“Holy fuck.” Nestling his head into the crook of your neck with deep breaths to accompany it, you can tell he’s trying to hold back the feeling of his balls tightening and ignore the way you still pulse from your orgasm. It’s tight and it’s so fucking bare because he’s never gone raw before. Fuck, neither of you have had sex in six months so the feeling might just make you both combust on the spot.

“Slowly baby, it’s been a while.” You’d known he’d reach your stomach just from the way he fucked your throat every other day - his girth is nothing far from impressive and it’s stretching you without even moving.

Light kisses press their way from neck to jaw to mouth as he pulls out to the hilt and then back in, slowly, tantalising slowly so that you both moan into the other's mouths, breathy and completely consumed by the feeling of each other.

“Fuck I’m never gonna get enough of this now.”

“Mmm,” you really hoped he wouldn’t.

“God I love you so much, your pussy is actual heaven.” And you hate to say the way the praise goes straight to your core, but your boyfriend can most certainly tell from the clench you hold his dick in. “Fuckkk, so good.”

It’s slow and it’s deep and he’s hitting your g-spot and clit with every roll of his hips. Throughout the murmurs of affection and sex filled admissions, you grasp at each other's skin, his hands pulling your hair so your mouth meets his and your hands across the muscles in his back that flex under your fingers with each thrust. 

It’s when he drags one hand to your throat and grips at it to balance his sped-up movements that you’re finding yourself teetering towards the edge again, spilling words never spoken and sounds never heard but he’s saving every one of them to memory.

“Faster baby please,” and he obliges instantly as he dives into you hard and fast, “babyy oh shit.”

“Y/N you’re clenching so fucking hard right now,” but he’s left you breathless to the point of no reply.

Several punishing slams that also attack your clit have eyes rolling and you biting down into his shoulder, suppressing the scream that surfaced without your consent.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He keeps pounding away, forcing you deeper and deeper into a spiral of pleasure, until his lips are on yours and he ruts a final few times, grunting and moaning into your mouth. “So good, so good,” and he repeats this until he’s still above you and finally the hand wound into your neck lessens it’s pressure so the throb in your body and up to your head dies into a tingle. 

It’s the most content and blissful silence, post orgasm, wrapped in the warm and wet body of your boyfriend. That is until he begins mumbling inconceivable words into the shoulder he decided to rest on.

“What baby?”

“I said,” lifting himself to eye level, and he’s a fucking sight for sore eyes. “Worth the fucking wait.” 

And with a tired, fucked out smile, light kiss to his lips, you can most certainly agree. 

Worth the fucking wait.

[systlin]

Okay. Gardening 101; or “Auntie Sys I have a yard that’s currently a yard and don’t know SHIT or FUCK about how to make it not be a boring-ass yard.”

Step 1; go to your local landfill and get all of the newspaper you can. Cardboard will also work. If your neighborhood puts them out for recycling, go around and grab them all like a little newspaper goblin.

Step 2; acquire mulch. If you WANT, you can go pay for it at a garden store, but we’re all cheap lazy bitches here so screw that. Most landfills will collect yard waste and branches and chip them into woodchips, which you can get for PENNIES or FREE. Go load up on that good shit.

I like straw too, which I can get for barter because I am related to half the people around here and a solid 65% of my extended family are farmers. I give Uncle Daryl three quarts of elderberry jelly or a couple pounds of morels in spring and he loads me up with straw bales.

Step 3; figure what parts of grass you want to be not-grass, and cover that shit in newspaper, good and thick. 5-10 layers. It helps to wet the newspaper to keep it from blowing away as you work.

Now, cover that newspaper with a good thick layer of mulch.

Congrats, you’re removing the grass. It’ll starve to death under the mulch and newspaper and rot into compost. You now have garden beds and have not dug one single bit of sod.

If you can’t wait for six months to plant, pull the mulch aside, cut a hole in the newspaper, and dig out a plug of sod the size of the planting hole. Throw some compost in there and plant. Tuck mulch back around plant. Water well.

There ya go. Garden beds. In a year, when you pull back the mulch the newspaper will be almost rotted away, and the soil underneath soft and loamy.

[whatyouandihave-makesmefree]

How to say “I love you” without actually saying it - or 137 Milkovichy ways to say “I fuckin’ love Ian Clayton Gallagher”.

1. Kiss me, and I’ll cut your fucking tongue out.

2. I’ll meet you there in 20.

3. You say that again, I’ll rip your tongue out of your head.

4. Take your hand off the glass.

5. You wanna chit chat more or you wanna get on me?

6. Fuckin’ tough guy, huh?

7. Jesus Christ, you want us to spread a blanket out and look for shooting stars next?

8. Sorry, I gotta go kill your dad, but I’m doing a lot of people a favor, including you.

9. -I missed you-  You did?  -Yeah, man.-

10. So, uh, what you going down for, then, huh?

11. Don’t know what you see in that geriatric viagroid.

12. -You fuck anyone in there yet?-  God, no.  -Wise choice.-

13. Hey, my dad took my brothers on a run out of town for a couple days, so you wanna ditch that dump and crash at my place, you can.

14. Fuck you, is what you were invited to.

15. What are you hoping, I tell you not to go? I’m gonna chase after you like some bitch?

16. -Don’t.-  Don’t what?  -Just…-

17. -You seen him?-  Why do you care?  -Don’t.-

18. You heard from Gallagher?

19. Not fucking Frank. The other one, the redhead.

20. I like fucking carrot-tops, like, with the freckles and the pale skin and fucking alien-looking.

21. He in trouble? What kind of trouble?

22. You wearing cologne?  -No. It’s Kenyatta’s perfume soap shit.-

23. I gotta take care of something important.

24. No, I’m not having fun. I spent the whole day looking for your coked-out ass.

25. You coming back?

26. I’ll do it.

27. Those fingers go anywhere near that cock, I’m gonna break every knuckle in your hand, all 15 of them.

28. Together.

29. That all you think he is? Some twink?

30. Probably best if you don’t, tough guy.

31. Of course we are.

32. You want me to go?  -No, I don’t want you to go.-

33. I’m not lying to you.

34. Ian, what you and I have makes me free, not what these assholes know.

35. Well, good. Leave. What the hell do I care, bitch? Fuck.

36. Hey! Excuse me! Can I get everybody’s attention, please? I just want everybody here to know I’m fucking gay. A big old ‘mo. I just thought everybody should know that. You happy now?

37. Fuck you! Don’t worry about it! I’ve been staying at Ian’s since you’ve been in the can, bitch! Guess what we’ve been doing, daddy! We’ve been fucking! And I take it! He gives it to me good and hard, and I fucking like it.

38. You’re a fucking dick. Yeah, there. That’s what you get.

39. You love him?  -Maybe. I don’t know.-  Because he has a real penis?  -Yeah, I guess.-

40. Rise and fucking shine, Cinderella.

41. Yo, sleepy-face.

42. Hey, you okay? Feeling sick or something?

43. All right, you want me to bring you back something to eat?

44. Ian, are you high? You take something?

45. Fuck’s wrong with him?

46. Before, he was fine. He was happy. He’s staying up all hours of the night, dancing, telling fucking jokes. He kicks my ass every day. I can’t keep up with him.

47. No, no, look. He– he’s low… We cheer him up.

48. What do you mean, hos– Like a psych ward? No fucking way! No fucking way! He’s staying here.

49. I can– I can take care of him. Okay? Let me take care of him until he’s better.

50. Don’t fucking tell me what’s impossible! We’re taking care of him here. You, me, us. His fucking family.

51. He’s not going to some fucking nut house. You hear me? He stays here. He’s staying with me.

52. I’ll be there.  -Better be.-

53. All right. I guess I’m going with you.

54. She’ll send him to a fucking shrink. No. We fix this ourselves.

55. I came out for you, you piece of shit.

56. What’s your type?  -Redhead.-  I am downstairs.  -Batshit crazy.-  Check.  -Packing 9 inches.-

57. I got to take you to a hospital, Ian.

58. I’m worried about you.

59. His partner. Lover? Family? You know?

60. At least he’ll be getting some kind of fucking help.

61. Relationship to the patient?  -Sister.-   -You?-  -Uh, boyfriend.-

62. Hey. Sorry I’m late.

63. We gotta get you to a fucking clinic. Get some meds. Today.

64. Hey, it’s okay. It’s all right.

65. He’s not a fucking lab rat.

66. He’s got me.

67. Hey, Ian’s sleeping in there.

68. All right, breakfast of champs. We got your mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, anti-depressant. Gatorade.

69. Shut the fuck up. Take the pills, bitch.

70. Hey, no caffeine on your meds.

71. Eat it. Take all those pills on an empty stomach and you’re going to have diarrhea real bad.

72. I didn’t know which Bs to get, so I just got all the fucking Bs. I got B-complex, super B-complex, B-12, B-6.

73. The hell happened to your hand?

74. Did a doctor take care of that?

75. You can’t go anywhere unless you get that looked at, man.

76. Your hand, man.

77. No, no. Look, you’re not supposed to drink on lithium. It makes your blood fucking toxic, and it gets you hammered in like two seconds flat. You can’t-

78. You look like a fucking wet rat.

79. We’re going on a date.  -Fuck, yes, we are.-

80. Where the fuck are you?

81. Where the fuck you been? 

82. You okay?

83. It means we take care of each other.

84. It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit.

85. You look good.

86. Got a new tattoo. Did it myself. Hurt like a son of a bitch.

87. Been thinking about you. You ever think of me? Gonna wait for me?

88. Will you? Wait?

89. You like the high school bleachers? Our spot, man.

90. Look, I’m, um I’m getting some new IDs, some cash, and heading to Mexico.-  Wow.  -You should come.-

91. Thought a lot about you inside. You’re under my skin, man. The fuck can I do? Hmm? Can I do?

92. Knew you’d come. 

93. Come here.

94. I’m gonna see you again?

95. The fuck you looking at?

96. It’s what kept me going in the joint. The beach. Us.

97. Oh, check it out. Ian Gallagher putting his big boy pants on!

98. You never fucking visited me.

99. What am I leaving behind? My family? Who cares I never see those shitheads again. You had my back more than they ever did.

100. You ever think about me? When I was in the joint?

101. Fuck, I missed you.

102. What the fuck is that? I don’t want your fucking money! I want you to come with– me.

103. Don’t do this.

104. Fuck you, Gallagher.

105. I rolled on the cartel I was working for, and in exchange, guess who gets to pick where he gets locked up?

106. No, I just did it ‘cause it was the right thing.

107. Would you be fucking happy?  -Yes, fuck, yes!-

108. I guess I need some advice. It’s about my partner, Ian.

109. You’re not throwing your fuckin’ parole for me. We need to get you the hell outta this shit-hole.

110. You don’t belong in here, Gallagher.

111. I shouldn’t have asked you to stay.

112. FaceTime your brother. See the baby.

113. You seen Ian?

114. About time, man. Your Panda Express is getting cold.

115. Eat your Szechuan beans.

116. Chill your fucking tits and eat your noodles, man.

117. Let’s get out of here, get some Pinkberry.

118. No. No. I’m not running. I need to protect him.

119. Jesus Christ. You proposing to me over fucking patty melts?

120. Fuck it. I do.

121. When you know, you know. You know?

122. No, just saying you don’t love me enough now. And that’s fine. It’s cool.

123. Jesus Christ, save the fucking speech, you pussy. I’ll marry you. Of course I’ll fucking marry you.

124. You must really love cock.  -I definitely love one.-

125. You ever try to get me to move to Milwaukee, I’ll fuckin’ murder you.

126. Hey, I like the blue ones.  -Yeah?- 

127. You sure you still wanna go through with this?  -Yes. Why?-

128. You’re a sneaky bastard.

129. -Take your meds?-  Yes.  -Good.-

130. The son of a bitch is never gonna let me be happy. He needs to die today.

131. Well, there’s plenty of strays wandering around the neighborhood. I’m sure we can pick one up for cheap.

132. Yeah, well, at least I don’t have to hide in a coffin till the sun goes down.

133. Damn straight, Gallagher.

134. I, Mikhailo, take you, Ian, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,  to love and to cherish you till death do us part.

135. Good morning, Mr - Millagher?

136. You hungry?

137. You wanna go again?  -Absolutely.-

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Good morning! Whats your favorite show/movie? Who are your favorite characters? Why do you like them so much? Also!! Did you have a good sleep?

Okay so I was a film major for a while, and I have opinions. 

Penny Dreadful 

I love this show. Like, so much. I adore it. I can not get enough of that show. Just all of the imagery, and the fantastic writing and acting. The episode intro alone is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Eva Green is a goddess and I love everything she’s been in. The take on classic horror stories is So Good, and it actually became the inspiration for my Gay Frankenstein story! (Started as a stitch AU, and then went completely OC after I had Ideas) but the show itself is so intimate? I think it’s largely that the period they’re in, everything was so repressed and restricted. So when the characters break out of those moments, it’s more meaningful. And the love-hate relationship between Ms. Ives and Malcolm in season one? Exquisite.  I could literally write essay’s about this show, but I’ll restrain myself and just say: it’s the best ensemble show I’ve ever seen. The characters come together, but they also each have their own distinct lives that sometimes intersect, but in s2 especially, are quite separate. They are constant with one another like ensemble shows usually portray. Also gothic horror and romance? My absolute favorite. 

Anything by Guillermo del Toro

This man Owns My Entire Soul. I’m not even joking, everything he writes and directs is perfection. Crimson Peak is probably my favorite (I have a stitch AU for this too ;) ) because again, Gothic horror and romance. I’m a slut for that shit. Also Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain? Delightful casting. I think it’s obvious by now that I love tragic relationships, so their dynamic is *chef’s kiss* amazing. they’re so damaged. And this quote right here is one of the BEST things I’ve ever read: 

“But the horror... The horror was for love. The things we do for love like this are ugly, mad, full of sweat and regret. This love burns you and maims you and twists you inside out. It is a monstrous love and it makes monsters of us all.”

Engrave that on my headstone, please?? I’ve got a sort-of Dorian Gray AU (it’s delightful) that’s basically built on this entire premise. Mitch makes the mistake of falling in love with Stiles, and does many terrible things because of it. Mostly to himself, at least. 

I think my love of Crimson Peak is very closely tied with The Shape of Water. another beautiful movie, I could wax poetic about this forever. it was beautifully written, and such an artistic movie. I love the way it was filmed, and the set design, and all of the subtle imagery. Such as Elisa’s apartment being cast in cooler tones, it always felt very damp and had evidence of water damage, compared to Giles’, a mirror image of her own, in more warm tones. This is another one I could (and have) write essays about. There is so much packed into this movie, from the themes on toxic masculinity and entitlement, to the conversation on queerness and race and disability, and how all the various relationships are portrayed. Like. there is so much to pick apart in this movie. 

Aside from that, ofc Hell Boy deserves an honorable mention because i grew up on those movies. I’m pretty sure the Golden Army especially is responsible for who I am today, given all the lore on the fae in that universe. Wow, that explains so much about me... Also one of my first WoW characters was an elf named Nuala xD I still have her, too, and it’s been like 12 years lol

Near-Future Sci-Fi

Sci-fi is one of my favorite genres, I am a huge nerd for theoretical and astrophysics. But my favorite kind of sci-fi is the stuff that still takes place on Earth, rather than epic battles in space. Ex Machina and Annihilation are at the top of that list. Alex Garland is another writer/director that I love. He has the same kind of approach as del Toro, where he puts a lot of fine details into his work. And I love that it’s very cerebral; there are so many layers to Ex Machina. My English 101 prof actually refused to analyze it in class when I suggested it to him, because he didn’t think my class could. Basically handle? Dissecting that movie? Because a lot of it comes across as very surface level, but in some cases when you look deeper, it’s actually suggesting the opposite of what you might think at first glance. (And he was right, my fellow students were awful. I miss that class though, it was one of my favorites T_T Mr. Ryder was an awesome dude and super chill.) 

Morgan is another good example. As you can see, I fucking love androids lol. Which brings me to another of my all time favorite movies: Cloud Atlas. I could literally watch this movie endlessly, I love it so much. The acting, the writing, the filming, all of it is top notch. And one thing they did in the movie that didn’t come across in the book, was reusing the same actors through the different eras in the book. That was just so neat, because it really encapsulates how connected these souls are, as we follow the threads of their story throughout time. If you haven’t seen the movie, I can’t recommend it enough.  

Another one I always think of alongside Cloud Atlas, even though they aren’t related at all, is Predestination. It’s a great movie that explores the idea of fate and free will in a really clever way, utilizes time travel in a very organized way that I think was neat (think Umbrella Academy. They even use briefcases! As you can see, I love sci-fi bureaucracy, it’s fun. In fact The Bureau is another movie I enjoyed) and the main character is actually, explicitly trans, which was cool. You basically get to see the entire story of their life, and I don’t want to spoil anything, but it’s just. So good. Mindfuckery galore. 

Shoot, and I almost forgot! Arrival! That is one of the best movies, and another one I could watch nonstop. It focuses on mathematics and linguistics and I swear to god, I almost altered my entire college course because of this movie. Amy Addams is brilliant, Jeremy Renner is so soft and nerdy, and again, it has an amazing take on time travel. I am very particular about how time is handled in Sci-fi, and this portrayal was one of my favorite. (Most of my physics studies have been dedicated to the theory of time, so like. Strong Opinions.) 

Fantasy

Stardust! It wasn’t until Good Omens can out that I realized Neil Gaiman is responsible for most of the stories I loved as a kid lol, and I had no idea he wrote stardust! But that is such a beautiful movie (I have a Stardust AU lol) and it’s definitely one of my comfort movies. Captain Shakespeare is one of the best characters ever, bless Robert de Niro. I would die for him. Fun fact, i had no idea Ipswitch was a real place until like. 2019. I 100% thought it was made up for the movie 😂

Alongside Stardust, I’ve always loved The Golden Compass. It’s fantasy, but also with that old-timey steampunk science feel, which is so fun and surprisingly difficult to find! 

Mortal Engines also has the same kind of feel, and it was such an epic movie in every sense of the word. I’m a little sad that after all the work that went into it, it didn’t get a dedicated following or fan base, because I feel there’s so much potential in it. But at the same time, fandom tends to gather around media that has plenty of flaws for us to repair with gold, and there wasn’t much room for that in Mortal Engines. 

I’m going to put Jupiter Ascending here even though it technically fits with the sci-fi, because that section is long as fuck and also this movie has such a fantastic feel. Mila Kunis? beautiful. The CGI? beautiful. Eddy Redmayne? One of the best villain portrayals i’ve ever seen. The whole oedipal vibe he had was immaculate, as was their portrayal of reincarnation, and just. The world building. GOD. I get so weak for through world building. Also the fkn intergalactic bureaucracy when they’re basically at the space DMV? One of my all time favorite scenes in movie history. 

Horror

I have very little room in my life for horror. As I said, I have strong movie opinions, especially when it comes to horror movies. I don’t like how most of them rely on cheap jump scares and overused gore and gratuitous rape scenes, instead of, y'know, actual good writing. 

Which is EXACTLY why I adore It: Chapter 1 & 2. It has none of those things, but still manages to be so terrifying. They are my favorite horror movies, and I’m saying this as someone who has genuine childhood trauma bc of the novel. Like. I couldn’t shower/take baths alone until I was almost 10 T_T When I was 6-7 and saw kids play by storm drains, I would run over screaming about how Pennywise was going to get them. Like, I had issues man. I was terrified to see the first one, and wouldn’t go until I could go with my best friend after she had already seen it, so she could warn me when something scary was about to happen 😂

And, one of my favorite aspects of the movie, and the thing that gave me Mad Respect for Any Muschietti? The way he filmed Bev and her father. They have a character who is literally being molested, but they never once have to show it. And yet their interactions are still so viscerally upsetting to watch. Sexploitation puts me off of most horror, and the fact that Muschietti doesn’t use it here, even when it would be actually somewhat justified? *chef’s kiss*. I love him. 

I love horror as a concept, I’m just really picky about it because I expect the writing to be good. I don’t like short cuts. But in a lot of cases, even if I don’t enjoy the movie itself, I love to watch analysis videos on youtube! I love to see the philosophy and symbolism in different horror movies, even if i don’t like to watch the movies themselves. It’s a fun hobby. 

Misc. 

Then in general, some other stuff I love in no particular order:

The Internship (Bless Dylan, Stuart is such a bitch and I love him) 

American Assassin (ofc. The writing itself is eh, but Mitch is my man) 

Dylan’s episode of Weird City. (I actually have a lot of feelings about this one. Jordan Peele is another amazing writer/director, I really need to catch up on his works.) 

Dorian Gray (*chef’s kiss*)

Rogue One (Makes me cry every time) 

WARCRAFT (Obviously this is a fav. It made me so happy, words cannot express.) 

Coraline and most other stop motion animation. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for that. 

Literally anything associated with Tim Burton. Fun fact, when I was 12 and in middle school, I planned to decorate my future house inspired by tim burton. Like, i had Plans. 

Most adaptations of Alice in Wonderland!

So! this got long as fuck! But you said you like that kind of thing lol 😂 I had kinda Eh sleep since I was up so late lmao, and I kept waking up (as usual, rip). And I’m so mad I go up for nothing! The dude I was supposed to show my listing to never showed, and is refusing to answer my calls >_> It’s been 2 hours now, and I still haven’t heard from him. But whatever, I already have a full price cash offer on the house so who cares. And that means I can play WoW all day, now! 

[fandom-strumpet]

Lucifer’s Daughter- Chapter 2

Summary: The reader’s Friday takes an unexpected turn when the Winchester boys show up during her class. They encounter demons and have a fight which results in the reader revealing she is a hunter. With her cover being blown, her and Ruth decide it’s time to move on...

Word Count: 2,938

Warnings: Swearing, fighting

Pairing: None (yet) 

Friday morning arrived too soon in your opinion, luckily, Ruth left Tylenol and water on your nightstand. It helped you get through the morning until your 9 am Human Anatomy 101 class where you sported a messy bun and iced mocha. When you turned around to pull out your notebook from your backpack, you happened to look up and see the two guys from the bar last night walk in. 

Sam? Dean? What could they be doing here? They quietly lurk in the back and you shrug it of, figuring they might just want to talk to the professor afterwards. They said they were here in town to visit an old friend, anyway. The professor nods in acknowledgement to them and it confirms your theory as to their presence. A cold sweat trickled down your back. It was hard to focus on the lesson. You felt like they were looking at you. He probably doesn’t even remember me. Why am I so caught up on them? After 20 grueling minutes of trying to sit too still and avoiding eye contact, your focus is finally redirected to other people. Three rows ahead of you, two of the demons you had been keeping your eyes on for the past 2 months started moving. They got up with their stuff and walked briskly of the room. You tensed up as they passed by, goosebumps raised. You eyed them walking out, turning your head in the slightest so as not to draw attention to yourself. The two mysterious men looked at each other and nodded in silent agreement over something. They turned and started to head out the door, following the two demons. Shit shit shit shit shit. How could you not see it? They’re hunters. The ‘67 Chevy, leather and plaid, visiting Professor Bauer- who is an expert on ancient cultures.You rushed to shove everything in your backpack, not sparing the time to look at the professor. Slinging the pack on your shoulders, you set a fast walk to get out of the lecture room. As soon as you were in the hall, you broke out in a dead sprint in the direction you had seen the brothers turn. You dodge through the crowd. You duck and slide on the floor when something flies back in the air toward you. Wait, what? Was that the water fountain? A random girl screams and grunts and shouts echo down the vaulted hallway. In one swift movement you were back on your feet, running and making a sharp right turn upon seeing Sam. God is he trying to run? You easily outpace him and Dean. You smirk a little upon passing Dean, hearing his confused huh? Footsteps echo up the stairwell from the growing group of demons. Crap. After finally reaching the top in a slowed jog, you lurch forward. Before you can stand upright, you get a boot to the face. Knocked onto your knees, you look up to see who it is. Ugh, it’s that Jenny bitch. With a leg sweep, you knock her down. She hits her head, rendering her unconscious. As soon as you get up, a large man is rushing at you. You don’t recognize him but can tell that he is a demon. He takes one good punch to your lower jaw. The force of the punch sends you back. You wipe the blood off the corner of your mouth with a smile.

“My turn” you say, with enjoyment in your voice.  

You sucker punch him, and he stumbles back, holding his nose. Screaming comes from the elevator and it dings signaling it’s arrival. You turn to see what the commotion is. A girl’s body dropped out, blood covered the inside of the elevator and the Winchesters stepped over her. The demon seizes his opportunity. He grabs you around the waist, planting his legs on both side of your body. You find yourself being lifted, then thrown in the opposite direction onto the floor. He knocks the breath out of you, becoming disoriented you see stars. The demon continues, his boot an acquaintance to your abdomen. The sound of heavy footsteps rapidly approaches. His punches rain upon your face, the sickening smack repeated. Your hands and arms were battered from the poor defense. Hearing grunts, the pressure is relieved off your body. Sam and Dean tackled the football player, slamming him into the wall. Dean flies back into the wall opposite. Sam wraps his leg around the demon’s, causing him to stumble. Reorienting yourself, you turn on your side to see Dean lunge forward thrusting the blade into it’s chest. 

“Thank you.” you breath out, starting to sit up. 

“You’re welcome.”

Sam and Dean grab your arms, helping lift you up.

“You good?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

Walking stealthily down the hall, you enter the doorway with weapons drawn. 

“Duck!” Sam yells

Down you go and Dean swerves farther inside. Sam chops the demon’s head off and blood spatters everywhere. Dean’s gun clacks and with a bang, he fills a demon’s chest with salt. A loud scream erupts, sending more demons into action. 

“Hyyaaah!” 

Kicking a demon in the chest, you send her sprawling onto the floor. Lurching forward, you straddle him and slice his throat open. You watch the warm blood gurgle onto the white tile, only breaking your stare when Sam’s boot steps in the puddle. Dean is tangled, alligator wrestling. The pair crash into tables with varied cracking sounds filling the room. Sam lifts a computer, smashing it down on the demon’s head. It slumped sideways, giving Dean a chance to get up. The remaining demon turned tail and crashed out the window, three stories down. 

“Crap!” You puff out.

Mind racing, you know what to do. Shrugging off your backpack, you crouch and take the water bottle out. Sheathing the blade on your thigh, you toss the pack to Sam.

“Lose this, and I’ll kill you. Dean can you help me push this table back?”

“You’re not really going to-” Sam interjects.

“Yep.” You remark, backing up. “Meet me at my dorm room.”

Running as fast as you can, you launch yourself through the broken window. The wind blows your hair up and you land on the balls of your feet. Rolling forward, you get up and start running again. Shouts of protest erupt up ahead as the demon tries to push past people. Panting, you rush onto him, tackling him to the sidewalk. Turning him to his back, you pin his arms with your knees. 

“WHAT’S CROWLEY DOING WITH THE MONSTERS?”

The demon spits blood into your face. Smack. His head snaps left with your punch. 

“WRONG ANSWER.”

Pulling out your squirt water bottle, you take a fast drink and then turn it to his face.

“AAAGGHHH!” His face burns with a hissing sound. 

“Holy water, you son of a bitch. NOW ANSWER ME.”

Upon his growled response, you squeeze his cheeks to force his mouth open. The other hand squeezes the water into his mouth until his screams of agony turn into gurgles as he tries to speak. Ceasing the water stream, he coughs and whispers,

“He’s experimenting!”

“What? Why?” 

The demon slams his head forward. The force makes your skulls crack together. Cradling your head, the water bottle slips out of your hand. Arching his back, the demon flees the body, leaving behind the corpse of some poor college boy who never stood a chance.

“Shit.” You moan.

Students started to wander over to see the scene. Scrambling off of him, you run in the direction of your dorms, silently praying that Ruth is there. Come on Ruthina, don’t fail me now. I need you to be at our dorm room. Swiftly closing the door, you press your back against it, letting a sigh of relief escape. Anger starts to boil under your skin and you scream, throwing the water bottle across the room. Upon the scream and crashing, Ruth enters the room cautiously. 

“Y/N?”

“Ruth? Oh my god, I am so glad you’re here.”

“I heard your prayer and came straight over. Is everything alright?” Ruth looks up and down your body.

“No. The Winchester’s showed up. Everything is ruined!”

You start to pace the floor, but collapse onto the bed with a growl. I don’t remember having these many scrapes and cuts.Pinching the bridge of your nose, your eyes close and a groan emanates. Ruth walks over, placing two fingers onto your forehead. The pain disappears in a flash, the scrapes and bruises gone. 

“Thanks, Ruth.”

“Of course, Y/N. Now explain.” 

“I was in Professor Bauer’s class when the two guys from last night showed up. It turns out, they’re the Winchesters.”

Scoffing, you kick the lump in the carpet with your boot which was covered in dried blood. Damn, it’s going to take forever to clean these. There was an awkward pause as you furrowed your eyebrows, giving the cheap carpeted floor a glare. 

“They started chasing the demons and there was a huge fight. We lost our best leads. The demons are gone, and-” Your breath hitches and you give her a pained look, “we can’t stay here anymore.” 

A commotion sounded out in the hallway, a girl sounding angry over something and yelling at a pair of guys. Huffing, you fling the door open and look down the hallway. There stood Sam and Dean, looking equally flustered.

‘Down here you chuckle heads!”

“We’re so sorry.” Sam smiles apologetically to the girl.

Backing down the hallway, the boys rush into your room. You roll your eyes and growl with irritation. Slamming the door shut, you turn your attention to them. Ruth mimics your stance with arms crossed and lips set in a grim line. 

“Hey, it’s not my fault your drunk scribbles 4 looks like a 9.” Dean said defensively. 

“Uh, here’s your pack.” Sam stuttered.

Snatching it out of his hand grudgingly, you peek in to check the contents. Satisfied, you toss it back onto your bed. Trying to break the intense and hostile silence, Sam speaks first.

“So, you’re a hunter? he nervously laughs.

His words spark the pool of anger you have, lighting you up into action. Throwing your hands up, the words start to pour out of your mouth. 

“You are unbelievable! The both of you! Is this what you do? The great Winchesters.” You spat, continuing as Dean opens his mouth, “Do you just show up and ruin everything for everyone? Everything was going so well until you showed up! I’ve been watching those demons for months now, gathering information and tracking them but OH NOOOO.” You sneer, waving your hands. 

“We have to leave now because of you and...” 

The anger in your voice started to give way to despair with stomach sinking. Closing your eyes, you take a slow breath in through the nose and then exhale. Your eyes flutter open to see the brothers standing there awkwardly. Sam’s face portrayed concern and guilt. Dean’s face mirrored his but with an added look of awkwardness, remembering how close you had been just last night. Crossing over, you walk up close to the brothers, feeling the heat from their bodies. With furrowed eyebrows you tilt your head, looking from Sam’s eyes to Deans. Holding eye contact with Dean, you start to speak quietly. 

“Do you even know how long I’ve been here?” you pause, “I’ve been here for three years with Ruth.” Giving a hollow laugh you continue, “I’ve been so careful, we’ve been so careful.” You look back to Ruth, giving her a sad smile. 

Dean started, “Y/N, we owe you an apology. We had no idea there was another hunter here. You’re right, you have been careful and that’s great.” 

“I’m sorry we ruined that for you.” Sam raised his eyebrows and half-smiled with sincerity, his puppy eyes glistening. 

Exhaling the breath you didn’t know you had been holding. your shoulders fall. Biting the inside of your lip, you gently shake your head, looking down at the floor. I might actually miss this ugly carpet. After a few moments, you manage to look back at their faces. 

“I’m curious, why are you here?”

“Professor Bauer asked for us. He noticed demon omens surrounding the area and he knew who to call.” Dean remarked.

“So what are you two going to do now?” Sam shuffled, glancing behind you to Ruth, with a thoughtful look on his face.

“I don’t know...” Your eyes lower again, searching the floor as if there was an answer hidden there for you. 

“Y/N, I hate to interrupt but it is imperative we leave in the next 10 minutes. More demons will likely be showing up soon.”

“Come with us.” Sam interjects as your mouth opens. 

“With us!?” Dean looks at Sam in shock. Turning back to you, he tries to save himself by confirming. “With us.”

“Ruth?” you look for her approval and the angel nods at you. “Alright, we’ll come with you, just let us pack our bags.”

“Great! Need help with anything?” Sam asks and nudges a grumbling Dean into motion. 

“Yes, if one of you could grab the go bags from the bottom of the closet, I’ll get the bathroom stuff.” Speed walking to the other room, you make a quick halt and lean back, holding on to the door frame to look at Ruth. 

“Ruth could you pull the car around?” 

“Yes, I’ll grab blankets as well.”

“I’ll go with Ruth to get the cars.” Sam said sheepishly, grabbing some of the blankets from Ruth’s arms that she had speedily picked up. “Try not to start fighting while we’re gone. Dean.” 

The door clicks open and with the rustling of clothes and denim, it thuds shut leaving an empty silence in the room. Returning to your task in the bathroom, Dean hollers from the next room.

“What am I supposed to be putting in these?”

Hollering back you reply, “Put the clothes on blue hangers into the blue bag and the black hanger clothes go in the black bag!”

You would think it was obvious by the organized hangers. You scoff, mentally running over the bathroom bag list. The cache of bottles from the shower, hair supplies, makeup, toothbrushes and paste along with the first aid kit and other cleaning supplies are stuffed into a large bag with handle straps. Checking drawers and behind the shower curtain one last time, you shoulder the bag and head back out to where Dean is knelt over the bags, folding shirts.

“You have a lot of flannels.”

Traveling over to the dresser with speed, you grab yours and Ruth’s bras, underwear and socks. Arms full of clothing, you mumble for Dean to hold the duffel bag open wider. Dumping the load in, you scramble to tuck the loose fabrics in while Dean zips the bag shut. You notice his eyes lingering longer than normal on the contents before it’s fully closed. Shouldering the duffel bag with your underclothes, you hand Dean the remaining bag. 

“Thanks for helping me pack, even though this is technically your fault.”

“You’re welcome and I’m sorry. I already explained that I had no idea you were here. Give me a chance to make it up to you?” 

You raise an eyebrow and scrutinize his facial expressions, checking for sincerity. 

“Sure. And how will you be doing that?”

“I was thinking I buy you a drink and some fries as a start?” 

“Not a bad start. We need to get out of here though, they’re probably waiting for us outside.” 

You have to take a deep breath to steady yourself solemnly walking out of the dorms. Outside, the ‘67 Chevy and ‘69 Mustang are waiting. Sam is leaning back against the Impala and Ruth is by your car, poorly mimicking his body language. 

“We can just toss the bags in the trunk.” You signal with your head, steering Dean towards the back. 

Turning to face you Dean explains, “We’re driving to a close friend’s house, his name is Bobby. It’ll be about a day’s drive and we’ll stop for lunch, if you want to follow us there. Don’t worry, he’s a hunter too and we have extra rooms there for the two of you to stay.”

“Sounds good, we’ll follow you there.” You try to give a cheap smile but it falls flat as the heavy weight in your chest returns. 

As Dean started to walk away, your eyes dwell on his bowlegs and jeans that fit just right. I shouldn’t be thinking like this- this man just ruined my life. Rolling your eyes up you take a deep breath to clear your mind. Ruth had already climbed into the driver’s seat. Normally you would protest but today was too draining to try. Clambering into the passenger’s seat, you close the door and rest your head back. 

“Thanks for driving, by the way.”

“No problem, you look like you need the sleep.”

Looking out the window as the car started to move, you reflect over the day’s events. Today had gone by too fast and it seemed so unrealistic, almost dream-like. How is it possible that in one day, everything you had built could just be shattered into a million pieces? At least you had Ruth still. There was one question resounding in your mind that you didn’t want to verbalize, in fear there would be an answer. How am I supposed to keep what I am a secret? Especially from the Winchesters... Your stomach starts to feel nauseous, thinking about how uncertain the future is. The only thing that could solace you in this emotional turmoil was sleep. Maybe I’ll wake up and this will all be one big nightmare. Closing your eyes, you rest your head atop your arm on the car door. Just maybe...

[bitchesgetriches]

On poverty:

Starting from nothing

How to Start at Rock Bottom

How to Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year

Ask the Bitches: “Is It Too Late to Get My Financial Shit Together?“

Understanding why people are poor

It’s More Expensive to Be Poor Than to Be Rich

“Poor People Are Poor Because They Are _____. Rich People Are Rich Because They Are _____.”

The Magically Delicious Intersection of Financial Discipline, Generational Poverty, and Marshmallows

Bitchtastic Book Review: Hand to Mouth by Linda Tirado

Gentrification: Artisanal, Small-Batch Displacement of the Poor

Developing compassion for poor people

The Latte Factor, Poor Shaming, and Economic Compassion

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Stop Myself from Judging Homeless People?“

The Subjectivity of Wealth, Or: Don’t Tell Me What’s Expensive

A Little Princess: Intersectional Feminist Masterpiece?

If You Can’t Afford to Tip 20%, You Can’t Afford to Dine Out

Correcting income inequality

One Easy Thing Men Can Do to Help Close the Gender Wage Gap

One Reason Women Make Less Money? They’re Afraid of Being Raped and Killed.

Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make Our Lives Better

Are Unions Good or Bad?

On intersectional social issues:

Reproductive rights

On Pulling Weeds and Fighting Back: How (and Why) to Protect Abortion Rights

Blood Money: Surviving Your Period While Poor

You Don’t Have to Have Kids

Gender equality

The Pink Tax, Or: How I Learned to Love Smelling Like “Bearglove”

Our Single Best Piece of Advice for Women (and Men) on International Women’s Day

Bitchtastic Book Review: The Feminist Financial Handbook by Brynne Conroy

Queer issues

Queer Finance 101: Ten Ways That Sexual and Gender Identity Affect Finances

Leaving Home before 18: A Practical Guide for Cast-Offs, Runaways, and Everybody in Between

Racial justice

The Financial Advantages of Being White

Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job

Econ Nerd Book Review: The New Jim Crow, by Michelle Alexander

Something Is Wrong in Personal Finance. Here’s How to Fix It.

Youth issues

What We Talk About When We Talk About Student Loans

The Ugly Truth About Unpaid Internships

Identifying and combatting abuse

When Money is the Weapon: Understanding Intimate Partner Financial Abuse

Are You Working on the Next Fyre Festival?: Identifying a Toxic Workplace

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Say ‘No’ When a Loved One Asks for Money… Again?”

Ask the Bitches: “I Was Guilted Into Caring for a Sick, Abusive Parent for Years. Now What?”

On mental health:

Understanding mental health issues

How Mental Health Affects Your Finances

Stop Recommending Therapy Like It’s a Magic Bean That’ll Grow Me a Beanstalk to Neurotypicaltown

Bitchtastic Book Review: Kurt Vonnegut’s Galapagos and Your Big Brain

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Protect My Own Mental Health While Still Helping Others?”

Coping with mental health issues

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care

On saving the planet:

Changing the system

Don’t Boo, Vote: If You Don’t Vote, No One Can Hear You Scream

Ethical Consumption: How to Pollute the Planet and Exploit Labor Slightly Less

I Have No Gift to Bring Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum: The Anti-Consumerist Gift Guide

Episode 004: “Capitalism Is Working for Me. So How Could I Hate It?”

Shopping smarter

You Deserve Cheap Toilet Paper, You Beautiful Fucking Moon Goddess

You Are above Bottled Water, You Elegant Land Mermaid

Fast Fashion is Fucking Up the World

You Deserve Cheap, Fake Jewelry, Just Like Coco Chanel

[thisislizheather]

July Jiffs 2020

This was me all month.

The key word being was. We bought an air conditioner! We’ve been an A/C-free family for some time now, but since we’re spending so much time at home, we figured now was the time to be cool. In other news, everything still blows! What a shock! Here’s how I spent July.

I didn’t even know another Halloween movie was being made but of course I’ll go see it even if it turns out to be trash, you gotta support classic horror franchises, that’s just basic horror etiquette 101.

This is the most basic, boring-sounding sandwich on planet earth, but it tastes incredible I promise you (I didn’t add bacon, but I did add fresh mozzarella) and whatever bread you use, it’ll still be great. I find myself constantly forgetting about the greatness of mayo because I, my dear, am an idiot.

I ordered a bunch of new address labels on Zazzle because they were having a Christmas in July sale, so I bought some seasonally inspired labels to use over the next few months. If you’re not seasonally co-ordinating your return address labels, are you even living?

I’m still doing Nathan’s podcast on Patreon incase you’re interested. (You can find more clips on his Instagram.)

I attempted to watch the new Baby-Sitter’s Club on Netflix and it’s really not meant for me. I was never into the books or the movie or any of it, I never liked the idea of kids caring about making money, it seemed too sad to me. “Just be a kid!” I’d always thought.

Speaking of childhood nostalgia, I have started to watch reruns online of Sweet Valley High, which I loved as a kid. It’s no Breaker High, but it’s still pretty great to rewatch. God, Jessica really was an absolute bitch.

Some other things that I’ve rewatched: Con Air (practically a perfect movie, will always love, *Nic Cage forever* might be the only tattoo I’d ever get), Supermarket Sweep is on American Netflix and I was so excited (for about three episodes) then I moved on with my life, Sleepless in Seattle (still a very nice, average, reliable movie), Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (actually a really great summer movie, will always be a fun time to watch, will forever be a huge Keanu fan, I just feel like I could trust him??), and Dick Tracy (will always love this movie even if it has eight million too many montages, the set design is gorgeous, and this one outfit that Madonna wears makes me question… everything).

Some new movies that I’ve watched: Always Be My Maybe (so, so great! How did it take me so long to see this! So many good scenes, such a good movie), The Karate Kid (insane that I hadn’t seen it before, kids were uncomfortably mean in the 80s, favourite part was when Mr. Miyagi beats up the children, great movie), The Stepfather (pretty fun time, so happy we’ve starting watching horror movies again), Eat Pray Love (ugh, I don’t know, I do love movies about women just leaving and doing fun shit alone and abandoning their lives, but this was pretty lame, I hated James Franco’s character more than life and truly didn’t understand how Julia Roberts was even briefly into him), and finally the original The Hills Have Eyes (which I loved weirdly enough despite being incredibly tense the entire movie, I just thought it was so well done and scary and incredible, the rape scene is of course awful and I shut my eyes for that part, but that was the only thing I hated, it doesn’t make sense that I liked this movie so much).

I don’t know how to word this, but something is off with the reasonably priced (and almost too cheap) parmesan sold at Trader Joe’s. It melts weird. It doesn’t taste like normal cheese. Something is afoot and I won’t buy it any longer. I’m truly dreading and equally anticipating the day that all of Trader Joe’s secrets are exposed. Be warned.

That being said, obviously I’m in love with the seasonal summer candles that TJ just released. We have a complicated relationship.

I made this gruyere mac and cheese with caramelized onions (I used almond milk and it still came out good) and can every recipe just include caramelized onions? The world is ending, let’s just put sweet, tiny, brown onions on everything and call it a day.

Ennio Morricone passed away last month and I find myself listening to the Cinema Paradiso soundtrack on repeat.

Read this great piece about summer blockbuster movies which also has just some great ideas for movies to rewatch right now.

I have to remember that Essie’s vibrant colours just f-ing suck. Only their muted/bland colours are good. They should really just stick to those. And if you’re looking for loud colours that stand out, the summer collection at Urban Outfitters is my go-to (and there’s always a 3 for $10 sale with them).

I listened to Taylor Swift’s new album and so far my favourites are definitely: the 1 and this is me trying.

Ugh, Astoriaaaaaa, DO BETTER.

I’ve been thinking about cancelling my Ipsy subscription again (because I think I don’t care about makeup at this current moment in time) and when I logged on to cancel, they let me choose one of the items being sent next month as if they knew I wanted to leave! So I chose a Sunday Riley product (because any sample I’ve tried from them, I’ve loved) so maybe I’ll cancel next month?

I tried a sample of Drunk Elephant’s shampoo & conditioner (which smelled so lovely) and my hair did seem softer the next day. There’s something about this brand though, I feel like they might be tricking us with their beautiful packaging and minimalist persona.

I bought and tried the ancient Biore Strips and I have absolutely no idea if they did what they’re supposed to do. Are you supposed to see the blackheads or whiteheads come off onto the strip? It felt like it just tried to peel my face off. No idea what’s going on with these.

I have been in love with the Peter Thomas Roth Correction Pads, I use one pad before bed each night and I think they’re doing something good because I always wake up with no new pimples. It has even started erasing all of the redness I’ve been experiencing lately from the summer heat and sweat and mask-wearing. At this point, I can definitely see myself rebuying when I run out, and if I do then I’ll definitely not get them from Sephora because you can get them way cheaper at other online retailers.

I’ve also started using this Dr. Dennis Gross All-In-One face cleanser and I think it’s a good one. It’s hard to tell because I started using it the same day at the correction pads I mentioned above (yes that was a bad idea but here we are), so maybe they’re working together to make my face good? We’ll revisit this. 

I finally opened up this Belif set I bought a few months ago and it’s really nothing special. I think the face cream is probably the best item in there because you truly don’t need to use a lot to feel moisturized. But the face cleanser? Meh. I don’t think it does very much, it definitely didn’t help any redness. And the toner? Don’t get me started on how I kind of think toner might be a scam. And the “eye moisturizer”? Seems superfluous. My eye area is plenty moist, thanks.

Perfect summer soap scent: Fresh Rainfall. If I can’t travel this year, I will escape into this scent. (Send help.)

Very excited to hear about Lindy West’s new book.

So I heard that Lady M now ships their cakes to Canada and I was able to scream in excitement for approx. four seconds before looking into it and seeing that it’ll cost you over $100 to get ONE cake sent. THE GALL, I tell you. THE GALL.

I briefly looked into the app Sweatcoin after hearing good things, but it really just seems like an app where its main goal is to track you. And yes, your phone already does that whether you’re aware or not, but I think I’ll pass on the extra tracking.

I heard that the upcoming Halloween Bob’s Burgers episode will “follow the kids as they try to deliver a burger to the hotel on their street.” It’s such a sad little bit of tiny information, but I love their seasonal episodes so much that I’ll take any crumbs available.

Actually helpful tips on how to clean your home efficiently.

Christ, why do I keep forgetting that Bareburger is absolutely nothing special? Why in the good fuck is it taking so long for a Shake Shack to come to Astoria?!

I ate on the patio at Hoja Santa in Astoria and the tacos were nothing to write home about. The service, drinks and chips were outstanding though, so I may have just ordered badly.

New favourite beer alert.

Best tweets of the month over here.

I tried Thai iced coffee and it was so wildly sweet and too aromatic, I probably wouldn’t get it again. And I also tried a Vietnamese iced coffee and it was the perfect level of sweet! What’s the difference between the two, you ask?

I finally tried the katsu sandwich at Hi-Collar as takeout in the East Village and it was absolutely nothing special. No idea why people are so into it.

I haven’t been to Bite in so many months, so it was nice to get takeout earlier this week. God how I’ve missed their ciabatta bread. They use it on their sandwiches and it comes from Balthazar each morning and it’s always heavenly.

I have found the perfect, light summer blanket and I’m trying not to focus on the fact that it came from Amazon.

I tried a grapefruit shandy and holy shit, it might be my favourite new summer drink. 

I ate on the patio at L’Artusi since it just reopened and good god, that carbonara will change you. So psyched to see they have the wagyu steak tartare on the menu now, too. The burger, the panzanella salad and the charred corn were all great, but that carbonara was the standout.

Some things I’d like to do this month: I’d love to try this tomato toast with blue cheese mayo, I’m going to start using a new clothes steamer I just bought with the hopes of getting rid of my iron & ironing board, I rebought a tube of Revitalash because of how great my lashes were looking when I used it a few years ago so I’ll start using it on August 1st and track my progress to prove how great this product is, I can’t wait for Moesha to be coming to Netflix this month, and I am waiting waiting waiting until I can find time to return to Lilia (on the patio) to eat this incredible tomato focaccia & garlic butter (shown below).

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in June over here.

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

the gang + forgiveness?

Mac watches the distorted shadows on the cement wall across from him grow shorter, the light filtering in through the small window just beneath the ceiling. It’s that time of the year when it’s getting harder and harder to deny that summer’s coming to a close, when you pretend not to notice how the humid August air starts to feel inexplicably,  undeniably different where it brushes against your bare skin.

Soon, it will be time to trade lazy, hazy days spent with the gang draping themselves haphazardly over the plush furniture in Dee and Dennis’ basement for book bags and lockers, for cutting class under the bleachers by the football field with Charlie and Dennis, and for disappointed, pitying looks from teachers, glances of disdain from his classmates as they sized Mac up, eyes lingering on the hand-me-down shoes his mom usually got for him from the thrift store across the street, if she happened to remember to buy them that year.

It was a shame. It had been a good summer, Mac thought. Once, they had even managed to venture far enough from the city to go swimming at the lake. They had raided the local gas station for candy and soda and chips for the drive before piling into Dennis’s sporty new car, Mac in the passenger seat with the windows rolled down, arm propped against the window sill and hand open to catch the wind. Once they had gotten there, they had stripped down to their bathing suits, Dennis laughing with Mac and Charlie as Dee struggled getting her cover up off over her back brace, before silently walking over to help her pull it over her head. After they were done swimming, getting drunk off of cheap beer Dennis had managed to swipe from his dad and eating the peanut butter sandwiches Charlie’s mom had packed for them, Mac noticed how the tips of Dennis’s damp hair had curled slightly where they framed his face.

It had been a good summer.

Just now, however, Dee was dousing herself in so much of some expensive,  floral perfume, that Mac thought he might asphyxiate. Mac had no idea why girls thought these sorts of scents were appealing. Mac remembers once, at some high school party Dennis had roped him into tagging along to, he’d had to make out with Angie Sinclair during a game of seven minutes in heaven,  remembers the sickeningly sweet smell flooding his senses, making him feel lightheaded and panicky. The smell of synthetic daisies had made Mac slightly nauseous ever since.

“Jesus Christ, Dee,” Dennis snaps from his position cross-legged on the basement floor, momentarily pausing in applying his foundation, eyes focused on his reflection in the shiny little compact he must have taken from Barbara’s purse “if you use anymore of that perfume, they’re not even  going to let us into the concert because you’ll be a goddamn fire hazard.”

Dee squawks indignantly.

“It’s true,” Charlie offers helpfully, pausing to take a hefty swig from the bottle of whiskey they’d been splitting four ways before passing it back to Mac. He’s got his back resting against Mac’s legs where they dangle down from his place on the couch. “It’s like, you light a match within a mile radius of her, the whole place could go up in flames. I saw it happen once,” he finishes cheerfully.

Dennis snorts disbelievingly, before turning his full attention back to his makeup, the pads of his fingers skating over his cheekbones. Mac notices a spot where it’s not fully blended, just below his eye, wonders what it would be like to reach out and smooth it out with his finger, what the smooth skin there would feel like.

“You laugh now,” Dee begins, eyes narrowed, “but just you wait until I bag the hottest guy at the concert.You’ve got to pop, send the signal that you’re a high class lady if you want to attract a high class man.  I’ll have you know that perfume on a girl drives the men wild.”

As she turns away,  rolling her eyes, Mac swears he hears her mutter something along the lines of “not that it would do anything for any of you dickwads.” Mac feels something inside his chest flare up at the words.

“Dee, you’re a  seventeen year old bird in a metal back brace twice your size” Mac starts, jumping to his feet, “no one gives a fuck what you smell like.”

Dee opens her mouth to reply, but Dennis must sense the situation is getting heated, because he smoothly snaps his compact shut, moving to stand by Mac on the sofa, and placing his hand at the nape of his neck, moving his index finger soothingly against the soft hairs there. Mac feels frozen in place, for a moment, a warmth radiating from the spot where Dennis is touching him throughout the rest of his body, and a flush rising high on his cheeks. He’d been drinking with the gang, but he didn’t know he was this drunk. He might have to slow down.

“Woah, woah, easy there, buddy,” he starts, giving Mac’s shoulder a little squeeze. “See, now, this is where you’re going  wrong, Dee. Wearing too much fragrance…..that’s a rookie mistake. It covers up all the pheromones. There’s nothing more irresistible to women than the natural scent of a man.”

Charlie wrinkles his nose in confusion.

“Are those the things that make all the girls act all weird and crazy and mood swingy all the time?”

“Not hormones, Charlie,” Dennis sighs, “pheromones, it’s animal magnetism-Biology 101.  They’re this stuff that is released from your skin that makes girls want to fuck you when they smell it. It’s a very powerful aphrodisiac, like catnip for the babes. It’s almost impossible to resist.”

Charlie ponders this for a moment.

“Dennis,” he starts seriously, looking mildly horrified, “I don’t want little bugs flying out of my skin into other peoples’ bodies.”

Dennis does a double take at Charlie, starting to speak before visibly  stopping himself and  taking a deep breath as he poises himself to continue.

“Don’t listen to him, Charlie,” Dee interrupts, crossing her arms across her chest. “You know what I think? I think he’s completely making this shit up. ” She smirks at Dennis “I think he’s just jealous because he knows I’m going to get in on all of the action at the Buffet concert, and he’s not even going to notice any girls, because he’s too wrapped up in his best fr-”

“Yeah man,” Mac begins, talking over Dee before she could finish her sentence. Dennis looks somewhat relieved she was cut off, although he doesn’t know why. “this sounds like some elitist liberal bullshit that the left wants to brainwash us with to make us think that we come from zoo animals. God made humans way more smarter than-”

“Everybody, just  shut up” Dennis explodes, throwing his hands in the air. ‘It’s not my fault that I’m the only fucking person in this room smart enough to understand basic science. Dee, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Mac, maybe if you smelled less like the men’s discount cologne rack at the department store, girls would actually want to date you.”

“You goddamn son of a bitch!”

***

Three and a half hours of arbitration later, the gang finally makes it out of the basement and gets on the road to the concert. It had taken  three impassioned readings from assorted bible verses, four illegible diagrams drawn on the back of old receipt paper, and one retelling of one of Dennis’s various sexual conquests in excruciating detail (Mac had, rather unsuccessfully, tried to focus on the whir of the fan, during this part), but eventually the gang reached an armistice, although what exactly they were fighting about and exactly what their solution had been, none of them would quite recall by the time they reached the venue.

They  are too preoccupied with finishing the rest of their liquor and singing enthusiastically along to whatever song came on the radio, overcompensating with their volume whenever they don’t know the lyrics, their laughter bouncing off of the city traffic echoing out into the early evening.

Mac is preoccupied watching Dennis, the curve of his jaw illuminated by the streetlights and the  purplish glow cast by the setting sun, the light freckles on his nose that are peeking through his makeup, the relaxed set of his mouth, smile easy and free as he reached down to turn up the volume to some pop ballad he particularly likes. It takes them longer than they had expected, in the city traffic, to reach their destination. Mac wishes the ride were even longer.

They arrive almost half an hour late, so they end up standing toward the back of the lawn section, although no one finds it in them to care all too much. Instead, Mac looks out on the sea of swaying bodies in front of him, brightly colored shirts that remind him vaguely of his time at the beach when he was a little kid, before his dad got locked up for the first time, and his mom would take him out early in the morning to collect seashells and sand dollars on the shore . He looks at the couples standing, hands linked  or heads resting on the other’s shoulder. He feels the heat of Dennis’s hand against his knuckles from where he’s stood next to him.

The sun has almost completely vanished, and everything is is bathed in a dusky blue light by the time Dee announces she needs to piss, and Charlie volunteers to join her in hopes of hitting a concession stand on the way. His chest feels bubbly and  light from the liquor and from the 6-pack of beer  they managed to sneak in down the back of Dee’s shirt, passing off the bulk as a part of her back brace. Dennis’s shoulder bumps against his every now and then as they sway slightly to the music, and when he looks over at Mac and laughs freely, disbelieving, even, Mac feels electric.

The smile fades from Dennis’s face as they look at each other, slipping into something more focused, determined, maybe, and before Mac can ask if he’s okay, before he even fully registers what’s happening, Dennis is winding his arms around his shoulders, lightly, cautiously, like he’s not sure he’s allowed– like he thinks if he holds him too close, Mac might break.

It’s the night air, Mac thinks, or the alcohol, or maybe just the indescribable, indestructible feeling (raw and flayed open, like an exposed nerve ) that he sometimes gets around Dennis that gives Mac the courage to place his own hands on Dennis’s waist, drawing him ever so slightly closer to him.

At this, Mac feels Dennis let out a long exhale against his neck,  letting his head rest against Mac’s shoulder, tightening  his grip on Mac’s upper back.

In the crowd of bodies, under the cover of nighttime, bodies moving together too slowly to the music, Mac thinks, they could have been anyone.

[thesadvampire]

Fun writing prompts💖🐌

1"God that's and ugly baby..." "That baby is me..."

2"Did you just smack my ass?" "How was i supposed to not smack your ass?"

3"Remember whe i hit you with a dodge ball?" "Yes why?" "I wish i hit you harder."

4"I love you with all my heart but never touch my left overs again"

5"I live by talk shit,get hit that also applies to your boss"

6"You look like a mess" "you havent showered since the birth of jesus sit your ass down."

7"I hate you" "you didn't hate me last night"

8"If it wasn't for my good taste you'd be wearing tan khakis and crocs right now."

9"Damn bitch! You live like this?" "Last time i checked youre the one that's homeless!"

10"Im gonna be real with you... You look like a fucking clown."

11"IS THAT A GUN????!!!" "You never know when you need to escalte the situation."

12"If i was you i would simply not be dumb as all fuck, RIP your ribcage but im diffrent."

13"Youre such a charmer, the girls must be all over you!" "Its because they're cheap." "Im not cheap!" "You're absolutely right! You're free."

14"You see that dumb bitch? I love them."

15"I want to kiss you but you're covered in blood"

16"What made you think that was a good idea?" "Because im never wrong." "Well shit hot shot we almost died!"

17"You look like a crackhead" "is that what you say when you look in the mirror?"

18"Who gave you the right to not share your shirts with me? Thats romantic shit 101 GIVE ME THE DAMN SHIRT"

19"I would never leave you, I'm the only one who has the right to say youre a pain in my ass"

20"You're lucky youre sexy because you and your dog share 1 braincell and i doubt you use it"

As you can see most of these are just for shits and giggles have fun!

[2edge4u]

I can't sleep so here

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My gf

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Very shy unless I'm comfortable around them

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My gf on Tuesday

4. Are you easy to get along with? I would like to think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Mallory

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Mmmnm girls typically kind and sweet ones

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Most def

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Lmao no

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends on who I'm talking to

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My gf Mallory

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Good night babe 😙

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? If I can't have you, poetry by dead men, dura remix, bilingue, please me

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? God yes and my gf does it all the damn time

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Idk it would be nice but sometimes it just kinda feels like were all just going through the motions and stuff like that just eases the pain and hopelessness

15. What good thing happened this summer? I lost a shit ton of weight

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? A million times

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? It would be naive to believe that there isn't the universe is fucking huge

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Lmfaooo no

19. Do you like bubble baths? Yeah but I gotta shower first. The idea of sitting in body soup makes me queasy.

20. Do you like your neighbors? Fuck no they're horrible people but my rent is cheap 🤷‍♀️

21. What are you bad habits? Over thinking and second guessing are at the top of the list

22. Where would you like to travel? Sooooo many places Florida is the worst get me out

23. Do you have trust issues? Yeah I guess so but I will trust those who treat me right

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going the fuck to sleep

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My thighs

26. What do you do when you wake up? Say good morning to Mallory then go pee

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? This is a kinda fucked up question but I mean I guess I don't like being this pale but I also like being inside so

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My gf and my mom

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes and I blocked that bitch 🤷‍♀️

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yep

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Lmao no I'm too butch to have long hair anymore but I'm still pretty soft

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? I tried a threesome once in college and it was not a good time so no thanks. One girl at a time for me.

33. Spell your name with your chin. U8u7fw nailed it

34. Do you play sports? What sports? I used to play basketball but I'm too lazy so

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Fuck off that's impossible I'm a millennial

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Oh definitely

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Depends on who it is

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? I'm lucky because I'm already dating her 😍 long hair, blue eyes, working her dream job and super passionate about it, the epitome of sweet and kind, very good kisser, great listener, my little spoon, so fucking smart, knows the difference between your and you're, holds me when I need it, fixes my headaches, and she loves me back.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Publix and target

40. What do you want to do after high school? Bitch I graduated in 2005 I've already changed careers once and I'm about to do it again

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yeah unless they diddle kids or hurt women

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I'm angy or sad

43. Do you smile at strangers? You know that white person passing you in the hallway smile

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Fuck the ocean honestly so many things can bite or sting me

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Making money and seeing my gf

46. What are you paranoid about? Hahahaha so much

47. Have you ever been high? Yeah long time ago

48. Have you ever been drunk? Mhm

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Not really

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? I literally only wear black and grey everything

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Oh definitely

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Smaller boobs

53. Favourite makeup brand? Lmao I haven't worn makeup since college

54. Favourite store? Bitch I already answered this

55. Favourite blog? Hmmmm I can't choose y'all bitches are funny

56. Favourite colour? Grey

57. Favourite food? Hmmm salad and mashed potatoes. I also love Mexican food.

58. Last thing you ate? Caprese salad

59. First thing you ate this morning? Pussy, next question

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Lmao a lot of music competitions and also water skiing

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Lmao no I'm too scared to get in trouble

62. Been arrested? For what? I've never even been pulled over so no

63. Ever been in love? Yep

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? It was behind the big tire on the playground so no one would see. Lasted .5 seconds and we never talked again.

65. Are you hungry right now? Nah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Yeah

67. Facebook or Twitter? Neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? Always

70. Names of your bestfriends? Mallory, Chris and Kjersten

71. Craving something? What? Reeses with the pieces inside that shit slaps

72. What colour are your towels? Grey

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One for my head and one for in between my legs

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Nope

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? None

75. Favourite animal? Puppies and kitties

76. What colour is your underwear? Grey and blue

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Chocolate covered cherry

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? I'm not wearing a shirt

80. What colour pants? No pants either just boxers and a sports bra

81. Favourite tv show? Fuck you I can't choose

82. Favourite movie? Texas chainsaw

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Why would you even ask me this the original obviously

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen wieners

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory

87. First person you talked to today? Mallory

88. Last person you talked to today? Mallory

89. Name a person you hate? My boss and the majority of my colleagues

90. Name a person you love? My gf

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nah I don't really like punching ppl

92. In a fight with someone? No

93. How many sweatpants do you have? I'm a lesbian so a lot

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Idk like 10ish?

95. Last movie you watched? Rocky horror

96. Favourite actress? So many

97. Favourite actor? Why tf do some people still separate this by gender

98. Do you tan a lot? Lmao no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yeah I live in the south

99. Have any pets? Yep a dog and 2 cats

100. How are you feeling? Slept literally all day so I can't sleep but my headache is finally gone 🙌

101. Do you type fast? Yeah

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Mhm

103. Can you spell well? I would like to think so

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? My grandparents