#how this site is starting to feel a little bit more toxic every day to me <: /

[sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts]

𝕿𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝕿𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 | 3

read chapter 1 - here [MASTERLIST]

screencaps and gifs: Pinterest

Pairing: dark!Joel Miller x Fem!reader

Warnings/tags: MDNI 18+, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, BLOOD, Auctioning people, talks of BDSM, talks of virginity, talks of... Sex..aftercare..limits..NDA..discomfort...virginity..masturbation..anxity, Dom and Sub dynamics, Drinking , food, kissing, making out, Joel starts to get a little obsessive or toxic, Partying THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME

Summary: Finally 21 its time to celebrate in more ways than one.

WC: 6.8K

A/n: IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, In a week I've become an aunt and had crazy work shifts but I'm here and ready to deliver greatness my loves

For notifications follow - @sinful-mind-joyful-fics

It had been a week since you last saw Joel. He kept you up to date with messages and calls every so often, but he and Tommy had been super busy with a job site. You were still at your desk in your dorm, drawing in your sketchbook, when Faith burst in dramatically with balloons and a gift bag.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU, HAPPYYYYY BIRTHDAY!” Faith sang in a deep, raspy voice, pretending to be a jazz singer, making you laugh. “HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!” She put the stuff down and got down on her knees, taking your hand and making you laugh even harder. “My lovely hot best friend, 21 and as sexy as ever!” She dragged you up out of your chair. “A bar full of hot men is needed to celebrate now that you can drink legally.”

You couldn't help but smile at her infectious energy. “Faith, you’re crazy,” you said, but you let her pull you to your feet.

"Crazy about celebrating my best friend’s birthday!" Faith declared, grabbing your coat and practically shoving it into your hands with a gleeful urgency. "Come on, we’re hitting up the best dive bar in town. Drinks, dancing, and maybe a little bit of trouble!"

There was no way you could say no to Faith, especially not on your birthday. You hurried to get ready, slipping on your favorite dress—a deep blue number that hugged your curves in all the right places—and a pair of heels that gave you just the right amount of height. You quickly did your makeup, adding a touch of shimmer to your eyelids and a bold swipe of red lipstick.

As you both stepped out into the cool night air, you felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. It was your first time celebrating your birthday since you and Joel had started seeing each other, and the thought of him not knowing it was your birthday left a strange feeling in your chest. But tonight, you decided to focus on having fun with Faith.

The dive bar Faith chose was lively and buzzing with energy. Neon lights flickered, casting colorful glows across the room. The sound of laughter, clinking glasses, and upbeat music filled the air, creating an atmosphere that was both intoxicating and inviting.

“To the birthday girl!” Faith cheered, raising her glass.

“To a night of fun!” you replied, clinking your glass against hers before downing the shot. The burn of the alcohol was invigorating, and you felt yourself loosening up as the evening progressed.

As you sipped on your cocktail, Faith leaned in with a mischievous grin. “So, how’s it really going with Joel? Is he keeping up with your needs?”

You blushed, looking down at your drink. “It’s been... interesting. He’s supportive and kind, but sometimes it feels overwhelming. Like, I don’t know if I can keep up with everything he wants.”

Faith raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Is it the sex?”

You laughed nervously, shaking your head. “No, it’s more than that. It’s just everything happening so fast. I’m trying to adjust, but it’s not easy.”

Faith nodded understandingly. “I get it. It’s a lot to take in. But if anyone can handle it, it’s you. Just take it one day at a time.”

You smiled, feeling grateful for her support. “Thanks, Faith. I needed to hear that.”

Faith took a sip of her drink and gave you a probing look. “So, what are the rules with you and Joel? Like, are you exclusive or...?”

You hesitated, feeling a knot form in your stomach. “We don’t really have any rules. We never talked about it, so I don’t know what’s okay and what’s not. It’s confusing.”

Faith’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, you’re seeing this guy, and you don’t even know if you can flirt with other guys or not? That’s... kind of messed up.”

You bit your lip, feeling even more unsure. “I know. It’s just... everything’s been moving so fast, and with him being so busy, we haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk about it.”

Faith shook her head, a hint of frustration in her voice. “Girl, you need to get this sorted. You can’t just be in limbo, not knowing where you stand. It’s not fair to you.”

You sighed, swirling your drink. “I know. I just don’t want to pressure him, especially with everything going on. But at the same time, I need to know what’s okay and what’s not.”

Faith leaned in closer, her tone a mix of concern and determination. “You have to talk to him. Otherwise, you’re just going to drive yourself crazy. And if he can’t give you a straight answer, then maybe he’s not the right guy for you.”

You nodded, appreciating her honesty. “You’re right. I need to talk to him.”

Later, as you both sat at the bar, catching your breath, Faith nudged you playfully. “You know, Joel might be busy now, but he’ll come around. And when he does, he better make it up to you for missing your birthday.”

You chuckled, taking a sip of your drink. “He didn’t even know it was my birthday, Faith.”

Faith’s eyes widened in surprise. “What? Seriously? Oh man, we have to make sure he makes it up to you big time.”

You shrugged, trying to hide the small pang of disappointment. “It’s okay. He’s got a lot on his plate.”

“Well, tonight is about you,” Faith declared, raising her glass once more. “To you, and to the best year yet!” 

“To the best year yet,” you echoed, clinking your glass with hers. As you looked around the bar, filled with laughter and life, a renewed sense of determination welled up inside you. You would figure things out with Joel, one step at a time. But for now, you were going to enjoy your birthday, surrounded by the love and support of your best friend.

The night continued in a whirlwind of laughter, dancing, and drinks. The dive bar, with its pulsating music and dim neon lights, became a haven of freedom. Faith, ever the life of the party, had you dancing on tables and belting out karaoke songs with a fervor that had the entire bar cheering.

You laughed until your sides ached, twirling around the dance floor with Faith as your partner in crime. The world outside seemed to fade away, leaving only the vibrant, intoxicating atmosphere of the bar. Faith's infectious energy kept you going, her enthusiasm pushing you to let loose and embrace the moment.

“Another round!” Faith shouted, her voice slurring slightly as she ordered more shots. You both downed the fiery liquid, the alcohol coursing through your veins and amplifying the sense of reckless abandon.

Somewhere between the third and fourth shot, you found yourself on the dance floor, the music a throbbing backdrop to your blurry vision. Faith was right beside you, her arm around your shoulder as you both swayed to the rhythm.

“You know,” Faith said, her voice loud in your ear over the music, “we should call Joel. Get him down here to celebrate properly!”

You blinked, the thought swirling in your foggy mind. “Faith, he’s busy,” you managed to say, though the words felt heavy on your tongue.

Faith waved a dismissive hand. “Nonsense! He needs to be here! It’s your birthday, after all!” She fumbled for her phone, her fingers slipping on the screen.

“You sure?” you asked, the idea of Joel seeing you in such a state making you both nervous and excited. 

“Absolutely!” Faith declared, her determination unwavering despite her drunken state. She tapped away on her phone, her face illuminated by the screen. “There, message sent. Now we wait!”

As the minutes ticked by, you both continued to drink and laugh, the world around you becoming a blur of colors and sounds. Faith convinced you to join her in another round of shots, and you lost track of how many you had consumed.

The bar seemed to spin around you, and you clung to Faith, giggling uncontrollably. “I love you, Faith,” you slurred, the words coming out in a jumbled mess. “You’re the best friend ever.”

Faith grinned, her eyes equally glazed. “And I love you, birthday girl. This is the best night ever!” She raised her glass, though it wobbled in her grip. “To us!”

“To us!” you echoed, though your coordination was failing. The glasses clinked precariously, spilling some of the contents onto the bar.

Time became a haze, and the last thing you remembered was Faith’s voice, insistent and a bit more serious. “Okay, maybe we should... we should call Joel again. Make sure he knows... knows we need him.”

You nodded, though the movement made the room tilt. “Yeah, good idea.”

Faith tried to dial his number, her hands barely cooperating. After a few attempts, she thrust the phone into your hands. “You do it. I can’t... can’t see straight.”

With some effort, you managed to find Joel’s contact and hit call. The phone rang and rang, and just as you were about to give up, his voice came through, sounding distant and concerned.

“Hey?”

“Joel!” you practically shouted, your words slurring together. “We’re... we’re at the bar. You should come... come here.”

There was a pause on the other end, then Joel’s voice, a mixture of confusion and worry. “Are you okay? Where exactly are you?”

You turned to Faith, trying to remember the name of the bar. She mumbled something incoherent, and you relayed the message as best as you could. “We’re at... at the Dive Shack. Come celebrate... my birthday.”

“Alright,” Joel said, his voice firm. “Stay where you are. I’ll be there soon.”

The call ended, and you handed the phone back to Faith, a triumphant smile on your face. “He’s coming.”

Faith cheered, though it came out as more of a drunken squeal. “Joel to the rescue!”

As the night wore on, you and Faith continued your wild celebration, oblivious to the time or the curious glances from the other patrons. The bar seemed to tilt and spin, the neon lights blurring into streaks of color.

Eventually, you felt a pair of strong hands on your shoulders, steadying you. You turned to see Joel’s familiar face, his expression a mix of relief and mild exasperation.

“Alright, ladies,” he said, his voice gentle but firm. “Time to get you both home.”

Faith giggled, leaning heavily against him. “Joel! You made it! We were just... just talking about you.”

Joel shook his head, a small smile playing at his lips. “I can see that. Let’s get you both out of here.”

Joel managed to steer you and Faith out of the bar, his strong arms supporting both of you as you stumbled along the sidewalk. The cool night air was a stark contrast to the stuffy warmth of the bar, and it helped clear your head a little. 

Joel’s truck was parked nearby, and he carefully helped you into the passenger seat, making sure you were buckled in before turning his attention to Faith. She was swaying slightly, a goofy grin on her face as she leaned against the side of the truck.

“Faith, come on, let’s get you in the back seat,” Joel said, his voice gentle but firm.

Faith giggled, clumsily climbing into the back of the truck. “Joel, you’re such a hero,” she said, her words slurring together.

Joel sighed, shaking his head with a small smile. “Just doing what I can.”

Once you were both secured, Joel climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. The drive was quiet, the hum of the engine and the occasional murmurs from Faith the only sounds breaking the silence. You leaned your head against the window, the cool glass soothing your throbbing head.

When you arrived at Joel’s place, he carefully helped you both out of the truck and into the house. The familiar surroundings brought a sense of comfort, and you felt your body relax a little as Joel guided you inside.

“Alright, you two sit tight for a minute,” Joel said, helping you and Faith onto the couch. “I’m going to call Tommy to come pick up Faith.”

You nodded, your head feeling heavy as you leaned back against the cushions. Faith, however, had other ideas. As soon as Joel stepped into the other room to make the call, she quietly got up and made her way over to Joel’s mini bar.

“Faith, what are you doing?” you whispered, your voice barely above a murmur.

Faith grinned, her eyes gleaming with mischief. “Just one more drink to celebrate, okay? Joel’s got some good stuff here.”

You groaned, knowing this was a bad idea. “Faith, we’ve had enough.”

Faith ignored you, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. She poured a generous amount into each glass and handed one to you. “Come on, just one more. For your birthday.”

You hesitated, but Faith’s infectious energy and the lingering effects of the alcohol made it hard to resist. You took the glass, clinking it against hers. “Just one more,” you agreed, taking a sip.

The burn of the whiskey was both familiar and comforting, and you felt a warmth spread through your chest. Faith giggled, taking another sip of her drink. “See? This is how you celebrate.”

Joel returned just as you were finishing your drink, his eyes widening in surprise. “Faith, seriously? More drinks?”

Faith shrugged, a playful smile on her face. “Just one more for the birthday girl.”

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Alright, enough. Tommy’s on his way. Let’s just sit down and wait for him.”

He guided you both back to the couch, sitting down next to you and taking the glass from your hand. “You alright?” he asked, his voice soft and concerned.

You nodded, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and gratitude. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks, Joel.”

Joel gave you a reassuring smile, his hand gently squeezing yours. “Good. We’ll get Faith home, and then you can get some rest.”

A few minutes later, Tommy arrived, his expression a mix of amusement and concern as he took in the scene. “Looks like you two had quite the night,” he said, shaking his head with a grin.

Joel helped Faith up, guiding her towards Tommy. “She’s all yours. Thanks for coming to get her.”

Tommy chuckled, taking Faith’s arm. “No problem. You two get some rest.”

As Tommy and Faith left, Joel turned to you, his expression softening. Joel gently guided you to the couch, but the alcohol coursing through your veins made it difficult to stay quiet. As he pulled the covers up around you, the frustration and confusion of the past few weeks bubbled to the surface.

“Joel,” you began, your voice slurred but laced with bitterness. “Why are you so busy all the time?”

Joel paused, his hand lingering on the edge of the blanket. “You know how it is, the job site’s been hectic. But I’m here now.”

You shook your head, the room spinning slightly with the motion. “It’s not just tonight, Joel. It feels like you’re always too busy. I barely see you, and when I do, it’s like I’m just an afterthought.”

Joel’s expression tightened, his patience wearing thin. “I’m doing my best to make this work. Maybe you could try understanding that.”

You sat up suddenly, the alcohol making you bold and reckless. “It's not just that. It’s... it’s the contract. I can’t stop thinking about it. We never even talked about it.”

Joel’s brows furrowed in confusion. “The contract? What do you mean?”

You felt a surge of anger, your words spilling out in a rush. “I don’t know where I stand with you, Joel. Are we exclusive? Am I allowed to go out and flirt with other guys? I don’t even know the rules!”

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I thought we were on the same page. Do you really need everything spelled out for you?”

“How could we be on the same page when we haven’t even read the same book?” you shot back, your voice rising. “I need to know what’s okay and what’s not. I need to know where I stand with you.”

Joel’s face tightened with frustration. “We’re together, aren’t we? I thought that was clear. Do I really need to put it in writing for you?”

Your anger flared again, the alcohol amplifying your emotions. “You know what else I can’t stop thinking about? How you ate me out but haven’t even taken my virginity yet. What the hell is that about?”

Joel’s eyes widened in shock, and he stumbled over his words. “I... I didn’t want to rush you. I wanted to make sure you were ready.”

“Ready?” you snapped, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve been dancing around this for a month, Joel. Do you even want me, or am I just some project to you?”

Joel moved closer, his expression hardening. “Of course I want you. But you can’t have it both ways. One minute you’re saying I’m rushing you, the next you’re saying I’m not moving fast enough. Make up your mind.”

Tears of frustration welled up in your eyes, and you struggled to form coherent thoughts. “I don’t know what I want! I just know this... this isn’t working. I feel lost, Joel.”

Joel’s tone turned cold. “Maybe if you stopped overthinking everything and just let things happen, you’d be happier. But no, you have to question everything, complicate everything.”

You pulled away, feeling a mixture of anger and hurt. “I need clarity, Joel. I need to know what this is.”

“Fine,” Joel said, his voice flat. “We’re together. We’re exclusive. Happy now?”

You shook your head, feeling the room spin again. “It’s not that simple. I need to feel secure, to know you’re committed.”

Joel’s patience snapped. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’ve been trying to balance everything—work, you, my own life. But it’s never enough for you, is it?”

You bit your lip, the anger still simmering beneath the surface. “We need to figure this out, Joel. I need to know where I stand with you.”

Joel nodded curtly. “We will. But for now, get some rest. Maybe things will look different in the morning.”

You lay back down, the exhaustion and emotions finally overtaking you. Joel stayed by your side, but his presence felt more like a reminder of the tension between you than a comfort. As you drifted off to sleep, you couldn’t shake the feeling that things were far from resolved.

The sunlight streamed through the window, intensifying the pounding in your head. You groaned, trying to bury yourself deeper into the couch cushions, but it was no use. The hangover had its grip on you, and there was no escaping it.

Joel walked in, a smug grin on his face. “Good morning, sunshine,” he said, his voice dripping with amusement.

You squinted up at him, your head feeling like it was being squeezed in a vise. “What time is it?” you mumbled.

“Almost noon,” Joel replied, handing you a glass of water and some painkillers. “Thought you might need these.”

You took them gratefully, gulping down the water. “Thanks. I feel like death.”

Joel chuckled, sitting down next to you. “I’m not surprised. You drank enough to knock out a linebacker last night. I didn’t know you had such a high tolerance.”

You winced, trying to piece together the events of the previous night. “Yeah, well, I don’t usually drink like that. Guess I found my limit.”

Joel’s grin widened. “You found it alright. But hey, at least you can finally drink legally now. No more sneaking around.”

You managed a weak smile, the corners of your mouth lifting slightly. “True. One perk of turning 21.”

Joel’s expression turned more serious, but there was a glint of amusement in his eyes. “So, how much do you remember about last night?”

You frowned, trying to sift through the hazy memories. “Bits and pieces. I remember Faith dragging me to a bar and us having a few too many drinks. After that, it’s kind of a blur.”

Joel leaned back, crossing his arms. “Interesting. You were pretty chatty last night. Said some things you might not remember.”

Your heart sank, a sense of dread creeping in. “Like what?”

Joel’s grin returned, a bit too gleeful for your liking. “Oh, you know, just some deep, heartfelt confessions about our relationship. But don’t worry, nothing too serious.”

You stared at him, trying to gauge his expression. “What do you mean?”

Joel shrugged, still grinning. “You were just really honest about how you’ve been feeling. But it’s fine, we can talk about it later when you’re feeling better.”

You felt a surge of anxiety. “Joel, please, just tell me what I said.”

Joel laughed softly, patting your hand. “Relax, it’s nothing bad. You were just a bit emotional, that’s all. It was actually kind of cute. I’ll tell you all about it once you’ve recovered.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I’m never drinking that much again.”

Joel leaned in, his tone turning teasing. “Well, now you know your limit. And hey, at least you got all those feelings out in the open. Maybe it’s a good thing.”

You peered up at him through your fingers, feeling a mix of embarrassment and curiosity. “I guess so. But can we just pretend last night didn’t happen?”

Joel smirked, shaking his head. “No can do. But don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you. Just try to remember next time that you’re a lightweight.”

You managed a weak laugh, the tension easing slightly. “Deal. And thanks for taking care of me last night.”

Joel’s expression softened, and he reached out to squeeze your hand. “Anytime. Now, let’s get you something to eat. You’ll feel better with some food in your system.”

It had been a few days since the night out with Faith and the unexpected, blurry encounter with Joel. Life resumed its usual pace, filled with classes, assignments, and late-night study sessions. Despite trying to focus, your mind often drifted back to that night. You hadn’t seen Joel since then, but he had been texting sporadically, his messages lacking their usual warmth and enthusiasm. Something felt off, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that things had shifted between you.

You were at your desk, working on a school assignment, when Faith barged into your dorm room with her usual energy. “Hey, birthday girl! How’s it going?”

You looked up from your laptop, managing a small smile. “Hey, Faith. Just drowning in work as usual.”

Faith flopped onto your bed, propping herself up on her elbows. “Well, I’m here to rescue you. We need to talk about your birthday night and what’s been going on since then.”

You sighed, setting aside your laptop. “Honestly, it’s been weird. Joel’s been acting kind of distant. I don’t know if it’s because of something I did or what.”

Faith’s eyes widened with interest. “Spill the details. What happened after we called him to pick us up?”

You frowned, trying to piece together the foggy memories. “I remember arguing with him, but it’s all a blur. I was pretty drunk, and I don’t remember everything I said.”

Faith sat up, a serious expression on her face. “Do you think you said something that upset him?”

You shrugged, feeling a knot of worry in your stomach. “Maybe. But he hasn’t mentioned it. He’s just been... odd. Like, he’s texting me, but it feels different. Distant.”

Faith pursed her lips, thinking. “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“No,” you admitted, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t even know where to start. I’m not sure if he’s mad at me or if something else is going on.”

Faith stood up, determination in her eyes. “Well, let’s get you out of this funk. How about we go out for a coffee or something? Clear your head?”

You nodded, grateful for the distraction. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

As you both grabbed your coats and headed out, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of anxiety. What if things were changing with Joel? You pushed the thought aside, focusing on Faith’s chatter as you walked to the nearby café.

The café was cozy, with the comforting aroma of coffee beans and soft background music. You and Faith found a corner table, and she immediately launched into a story about her latest class project, making you laugh and momentarily forget your worries.

Midway through your latte, your phone buzzed with a message. You glanced at the screen and saw it was from Joel.

“Finished the big project. Want to celebrate tonight? Dinner at 7?”

You stared at the message, a mix of relief and apprehension washing over you. Before you could respond, Faith leaned over to read the screen.

“Ooh, dinner date! Looks like he wants to make things right,” she said, winking.

You bit your lip, unsure. “I don’t know. What if it’s awkward?”

Faith waved her hand dismissively. “Just go. Talk things out. And if he’s being weird, call him out on it. You deserve to know what’s going on.”

With Faith’s encouragement, you texted back.

“Sure. 7 sounds good. See you then.”

Joel responded quickly.

“Great. I’ll pick you up”.

You spent the rest of the afternoon working on your assignment, though your mind kept drifting to the upcoming dinner. As the clock ticked closer to 7, Faith took charge, helping you pick out an outfit and doing your hair.

“You look amazing,” she said, stepping back to admire her work. “Joel’s going to kick himself for acting weird.”

You smiled, though the nerves in your stomach hadn’t eased. “Thanks, Faith. I just hope we can clear the air tonight.”

When Joel arrived, he was dressed sharply, holding a bouquet of flowers that added a touch of elegance to the evening. You felt a flicker of hope at the sight, though the cautious tension between you was hard to ignore.

The restaurant he chose was upscale, with dim lighting and a sophisticated ambiance. As you both settled into a corner table, Joel ordered a bottle of red wine. The waiter asked for your ID, and you fumbled slightly before handing it over. Joel, of course, wasn’t IDed, which made you feel a bit self-conscious.

Once the waiter left, Joel leaned back in his chair, giving you a warm smile. “You look amazing tonight,” he said, his tone light and flirtatious.

“Thanks,” you replied, returning the smile. “You look pretty good yourself.”

The wine arrived, and the waiter poured two glasses. Joel raised his glass. “To finishing projects and new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings,” you echoed, clinking your glass against his. The wine was rich and smooth, and the warmth spread through you as you took a sip.

Joel’s demeanor was celebratory, almost too much so. He didn’t mention the argument from your birthday, acting as if nothing had happened. His eyes sparkled with a mix of mischief and charm, and you couldn’t help but be drawn in despite the lingering tension.

The conversation meandered through light topics—work, mutual friends, plans for the summer. You found yourself relaxing slightly, the wine helping to ease your nerves. Joel was attentive and flirty, his hand occasionally brushing yours, his eyes lingering on you a moment longer than usual.

Halfway through the meal, Joel reached into his wallet and pulled out a check, casually placing it on the table. Your eyes widened as you saw the amount—$300,000, the payment from the auction. You almost choked on your wine.

“Joel, what’s this?” you asked, your voice a mix of surprise and confusion.

He shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. “It’s the payment from the auction. I thought you should see it.”

You stared at the check, feeling a mix of awe and uncertainty. “That’s a lot of money.”

“It is,” he agreed, taking another sip of his wine. “But it’s for us. To help us start something new. I didn’t want it to be about the money. I wanted it to be about us.”

You nodded, still processing the magnitude of the situation. “This is... overwhelming.”

Joel reached across the table, taking your hand. “I know. But we’ll figure it out together.”

The rest of the dinner passed in a blur of delicious food and comfortable conversation. Joel’s attentiveness and charm made it easy to forget the argument from your birthday, though a part of you still felt a lingering unease.

As dessert arrived, Joel leaned in, his expression turning more serious. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” he began, his eyes searching yours. “I know things have been intense, and I’ve been busy, but I want you to know that I’m serious about this. About us.”

You nodded, feeling a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. “I’ve been thinking a lot too.”

Joel took a deep breath, his gaze steady. “I want you to move in with me. I think it’s the next step for us.”

The proposition hung in the air between you. Your mind raced with thoughts and feelings. “Move in with you?” you echoed, trying to process the idea.

“Yeah,” Joel said, his tone earnest. “I know it’s a big step, but I want to build a life with you. I want to come home to you.”

You looked down at your hands, your mind spinning. “Joel, we’ve only known each other for a month. This is all so fast.”

He nodded, understanding. “I know it’s fast, but sometimes you just know, you know? And I know I want this. I want you.”

You bit your lip, feeling a mix of fear and excitement. “I don’t know, Joel. It’s a lot to take in.”

He squeezed your hand gently. “Take your time to think about it. There’s no rush. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

You nodded, appreciating his patience. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

As Joel walked you back to your dorm room door after dinner, the air between you was charged with a mix of anticipation and lingering tension. When you reached your door, you turned to him with a playful grin.

"You know, Joel, you've seen your home, but you haven't seen mine yet."

Joel chuckled softly. "True enough. Lead the way."

Entering your dorm, you gestured around the cozy space filled with art supplies, books, and posters of your favorite artists. "Sorry for the mess," you said, feeling a bit self-conscious.

"It's not a mess," Joel reassured you, looking around with interest. "It's... lived-in."

You chuckled. "Lived-in, exactly."

Joel wandered over to your desk, where your sketchbook lay open with various drawings scattered across the pages. He picked up the sketchbook and flipped through it, admiring your talent.

"I didn't know you were this talented," he remarked, his voice soft with genuine admiration.

Blushing slightly, you replied, "Thanks. Drawing helps me unwind."

Joel nodded, setting the sketchbook down and turning to face you. "I meant what I said earlier. I want us to figure things out together."

You nodded in agreement, feeling a rush of emotions. "I want that too."

Taking a deep breath, you moved to your dresser, grabbing a comfortable T-shirt and leggings to change into. "I'll be right back," you said, disappearing into the bathroom for a moment.

When you returned, Joel was sitting on the edge of your bed, holding your sketchbook. He had ripped a blank page from it, now studying it with a thoughtful expression.

"What's that?" you asked, stepping closer.

Joel looked up, a slight smile playing on his lips. "I found a blank page and thought I'd leave you a note."

You smiled warmly, touched by the gesture. "Thank you," you murmured.

Joel set the sketchbook aside and patted the space beside him on the bed. "Come here."

You joined him, sitting close enough that your shoulders brushed. There was a comfortable silence between you, a sense of closeness and understanding that felt reassuring.

As Joel sat on your bed, he looked at you with a playful glint in his eyes. "You know, there are a few things I've been thinking about," he began, his tone light and teasing.

You raised an eyebrow, curious and a bit apprehensive. "Oh?"

Joel grinned and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small piece of paper. "I made a little list," he confessed, handing it to you.

You took the paper, unfolding it to reveal Joel's neat handwriting. It listed a few bullet points, clearly meant as a mini contract, to outline your relationship's next steps and boundaries without overwhelming you :

1. Take your virginity – When you're ready, we'll take this step together.

2. Try a new restaurant every month – To explore and enjoy new experiences together.

3. Teach you how to play guitar – Sharing a passion and learning something new.

4. Move in with me – Start our life together in my place.

5. Exclusivity – We are committed to each other, no dating or flirting with others.

You looked up at Joel, feeling a mix of emotions. He smiled warmly, his voice soft but firm. "I thought this might help us both know where we stand and what we're looking forward to. No pressure, just a guideline."

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief mixed with anticipation. "I appreciate this, Joel. It makes things clearer."

Joel leaned in, his tone becoming more playful. "And remember, these are just starting points. We can add or adjust as we go along. The important thing is that we communicate and take things at our own pace."

You felt a smile spread across your face, the tension easing as you considered the list. "I like that," you said, feeling more confident about your future together.

You looked up at Joel, feeling a mix of emotions. He smiled warmly, his voice soft but firm. "I thought this might help us both know where we stand and what we're looking forward to. No pressure, just a guideline."

As you processed his words, Joel's hand gently cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing softly against your skin. "You look stunning tonight," he murmured, his eyes locked onto yours.

A blush crept up your cheeks as you smiled shyly. "Thanks, Joel."

He leaned closer, his breath warm against your lips. "I can't stop thinking about you," he whispered, his voice filled with a mix of desire and affection. "Every moment we're apart feels like an eternity."

Your heart raced as Joel's lips hovered just inches from yours. You could feel the magnetic pull between you, drawing you closer together. Unable to resist any longer, you closed the gap, your lips meeting in a tender, passionate kiss.

Joel's arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened. His hand tangled in your hair, while his other hand trailed down your back, sending shivers through your body. You responded eagerly, your hands exploring his broad shoulders and strong back.

As the kiss grew more intense, Joel's playful side emerged. He nipped at your lower lip, making you gasp. "You're driving me crazy, you know that?" he said with a grin, his voice husky with desire.

You laughed softly, feeling emboldened by his flirty demeanor. "Good," you whispered, your lips brushing against his as you spoke. "Because you're driving me crazy too."

Joel's eyes sparkled with mischief as he captured your lips again, this time with more urgency. The room seemed to fade away as you lost yourselves in each other, the connection between you growing stronger with every passing second.

The air between you and Joel grew thick with anticipation, his eyes darkening with desire. His hands roamed your body, fingers tracing the curve of your waist as he pulled you closer. Your breaths mingled, the heat building between you with every passing second.

Joel's lips moved from your mouth to your neck, planting a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses along your skin. You gasped, your hands gripping his shoulders tightly. His touch was electrifying, sending waves of pleasure through your body.

"Joel," you whispered, your voice trembling with both excitement and need. His response was a low growl, his hands moving to the hem of your shirt, lifting it slightly to expose more of your skin.

Just as things were about to escalate further, the door suddenly swung open, and Faith barged in. "Hey, I was just—" She stopped abruptly, her eyes wide as she took in the scene before her. A mischievous giggle escaped her lips, and she quickly shut the door. "Oops, sorry!" she called out from the hallway.

The interruption brought you both back to reality. Joel sighed, resting his forehead against yours. "Seems like we have terrible timing," he said with a chuckle, though his eyes still burned with unfulfilled desire.

You laughed softly, feeling a mix of frustration and amusement. "Yeah, you could say that."

Joel pulled back slightly, his hands still resting on your waist. "We’ll have our moment, don’t worry," he reassured you, his voice tender. "But I should probably get going now. We don’t want to give Faith any more reason to gossip."

You nodded, feeling a pang of disappointment but understanding the situation. Joel pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before stepping back. "Text me later, okay?" he said, giving you one last lingering look before he left.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Faith burst back into the room, her eyes gleaming with curiosity. "Oh my God, what did I just walk in on?" she exclaimed, flopping onto your bed with a dramatic sigh.

You rolled your eyes, trying to hide your embarrassment. "Nothing, Faith. Just... a moment."

"Just a moment?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Looked like a pretty steamy moment to me. Come on, spill. What were you two up to?"

You sighed, sitting down next to her. "We were just talking, and things got a little... heated."

Faith's eyes widened with excitement. "Heated, huh? So, did you two...?"

"No!" you interrupted quickly, blushing furiously. "It didn’t go that far. You interrupted us, remember?"

Faith giggled, not looking the least bit sorry. "Well, you’re welcome for saving you from potential awkwardness. But seriously, how was it? Joel seems like he’d be a great kisser."

You couldn't help but smile at the memory. "He is," you admitted softly. "He’s... amazing."

Faith smirked, nudging you playfully. "Sounds like you’re really falling for him. But just be careful, okay? He’s got that whole mysterious, brooding thing going on. Make sure you know what you’re getting into."

You nodded, appreciating her concern. "I will, Faith. Thanks."

Faith leaned back, propping herself up on her elbows. "So, what’s next? You two planning another hot makeout session?"

You laughed, shaking your head. "I don’t know. We’re taking things one step at a time."

Faith grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Well, just make sure to give me a heads-up next time. I’d hate to walk in on another 'moment.'"

You laughed again, feeling a sense of relief and camaraderie. "I’ll do my best," you promised, grateful for her nosy but well-meaning presence.

As you and Faith continued to chat, your phone buzzed with a new message. Glancing at the screen, you saw Joel's name and felt a flutter of excitement and curiosity.

“Hey, I wanted to make it up to you for missing your birthday. How about a trip next weekend? Don’t worry about the details, just clear your schedule.”

You felt a rush of emotions, a mix of anticipation and relief. Joel was always full of surprises, and this gesture felt particularly significant after the rocky patch you’d been navigating.

"Who’s that?" Faith asked, peering over your shoulder with a grin.

"It’s Joel," you replied, a smile creeping onto your face. "He wants to take me on a trip next weekend. He said not to worry about the details and just clear my schedule."

Faith’s eyes lit up with excitement. "Ooh, a romantic getaway! Sounds like he’s trying to make up for missing your birthday. That’s so sweet!"

You nodded, feeling a warm glow of happiness. "Yeah, it is. I guess he really does want to make things right."

Faith nudged you playfully. "So, where do you think he’s taking you? Somewhere exotic? A cozy cabin in the woods?"

You shrugged, a dreamy look in your eyes. "I have no idea. Knowing Joel, it could be anywhere. He loves surprises."

Faith grinned, clearly enjoying your excitement. "Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be amazing. Just make sure to take lots of pictures and tell me all about it when you get back."

You laughed, feeling a sense of gratitude for her enthusiasm. "I will. Thanks for always being so supportive, Faith."

"Anytime, girl," she said, giving you a reassuring hug. "Now, let’s get you ready for this trip. We need to pick out the perfect outfits and make sure you’re prepared for anything."

[twentytwentywhore]

Pinned Post!

Hello Gamers!

It is nice to meet you all I am here to write silly things and headcanons about whatever I want whenever I want.

A little bit about me:

I am 21 I use they/them and it/its pronouns I have been writing for the past 10 years. Started out on an anime roleplay site. I unfortunately am so so good at hyperfixating on things and forgetting other things, including people, exist.

Important Notes:

While I do like x reader content, and that is primarily what I will post here, I also partake in shipping and multi shipping. I like my silly little fictional guys. I do not know anything about pros and anti's. I do not want to get involved. This is fiction and it should be engaged with as such, however you should never feel bad for being uncomfortable with anything covered even if it is fiction. At the same time you should also not make others feel bad about fictional things they enjoy. Terfs and Zionists have no place on this blog. Free Palestine and Trans Rights are Human Rights.

Requesting:

My brain hardly ever works and I made this blog because I love attention so if you want to see something written, please let me know. I may either do bulletpoints or ficlets, who knows. It depends on how the brain functions that day.

Please do not be afraid to send an ask with a request, you can find some things I am comfortable writing about below!

Fandoms:

Jujutsu Kaisen Touchstarved Ace Attorney More to be added in the future!

Though I cannot say I am experienced in writing every character in every fandom I enjoy, I can promise I will make an honest attempt for any character at least once.

Notes:

I focus primarily on Angst and Fluff! Though am not opposed to writing NSFW. I am Uncomfortable doing NSFW requests for characters that are minor in canon. While situational, I would be willing to do relationship requests however. Sometimes we all want to pretend we are teenagers again, and teenage romances are fun. I will never ever be rude about not wanting to do something. I am a massive sucker for toxic relationships. Only because they are fiction and do not actively impact real people. However, any and all potentially upsetting material will be clearly tagged as such. Please let me know if I fail to tag something that could cause distress.

[striddums]

sometimes i feel so thankful that certain series and games n stuff were super popular on tumblr years ago and we got to have a great experience with them back then... like danganronpa in around 2012(?) for example. the fandom was at its peak and it was super fun! i kinda feel like if it had come out today and reached the same popularity the fandom experience would’ve been so different. there’d be hundreds of people on here calling it ‘problematique’ and making things super weird for people who enjoyed it, acting like they were some terrible fetishists or something for liking a series that’s essentially about a murder game between high schoolers. and u can BET there’d be so many people who’d harass anyone who liked junko... when if u can’t stan junko enoshima then literally what’s the point.

[stonesilhouette]

Amor Y Abogados

I don’t normally post things to this site because I use it more for reading than anything else, but this is just a chapter from my book on quotev that I wrote a special for because I felt like it, I guess. There is bad spelling and grammar in here that I’m too lazy to fix. Not too much, but you know. Also there is normally spaces between this but I don’t feel like figuring out how to do that here soooo. Whatever. Aether and Lumine are not romantically involved as that’s gross.

Yandere Aether x f.reader x Yandere Lumine (Now as lawyers yay)

Actual Book: https://www.quotev.com/story/14446683/Bitter-Frost-Yandere-Aether-x-reader-x-Yandere-Lumine

TW: Yandereness/Toxic Relationships | Threats (not to (y/n)) | Kidnapping | Gayness? I don’t. I don’t think that needs a tw. Anyways

And without further ado here we go.

(Y/n)'s heels clicked as she strode into the coffee shop. She came there every morning for and order of (flavor) tea and a fresh (pastry). She worked at a very prestigious law firm, called the Fatui. She had been recently placed down in this precinct of the city to help another co-worker out and to make sure everything was running smoothly.

As she walked up to the counter she passed by a woman in business clothes, with a coffee that had seemed to have gone cold, and piles of paperwork. 

The woman had a head of soft blonde hair and (y/n) was relatively familiar with her through Childe, the co-worker she had come to oversee. She was pretty sure that her name was Lumine if she remembered correctly.

(Y/n) grabbed the items off the counter that she had ordered and turned back to see a completely full shop. 'It's normally busy, but not this busy.' She thought, sighing to herself. She was about to head out and just eat her spoils in her office, but was stopped by said woman, who waved her hand and gave a small smile.

(Y/n) walked over to the blonde and sat down after she had motioned to the empty seat on the other side of her. She sipped her tea as Lumine gave her a warm smile and pushed her work out of the way in favor of talking with the other woman.

Lumine was a public defender. Apparently had the credits to be much higher and in much better standing, but refused to because of some kind of falling out with her brother.

"Yeah, I passed the bar about 5 years ago, but I only recently started officially practicing law. My brother offered me a place but..." She paused. "We've been kind of estranged ever since that time."

(Y/n) hummed, sipping her drink and taking in its flavor. She stared off into space, also known as Lumine's eyes, leaving the blonde very flustered. They sat there for a minute, one completely unaware of their actions, the other clinging on for dear life.

'Oh my archon! Oh my archon! Oh my archo-' Lumine internally freaked out to herself, heavily flustered by (y/n)'s actions. 

Said woman broke eye contact in favor of yawning and rubbing her eye. This took pressure off the other girl sitting there and she released a sigh of relief.

(Y/n) composed herself and cleaned up any remains of her meal. She gracefully slid out of the seat and picked up her trash, set on making it to the trash can.

"I must be off." She told Lumine. "Thank you for the conversation and the seat." She then walked over to the trash can while Lumine was still processing the situation. "Say..." She started. "What was your drink?"

"Uh. Coffee. 2 shots of espresso, steamed milk, a pinch of sugar, and cream... Wait, why?" 

"No reason. Just wanted to know for future reference." She gave a small amused smile. "See you around."

"Uh-huh.." Lumine said, a little bit dazed in her words.

It wasn't too long before (y/n) met the other half of the pair. Aether was similar yet different to his sister. He was nice, but he definitely was fed up with having to deal with people's bullshit.

The two met when crossing paths in the same court house. (Y/n) didn't often go to trial but this was one of the days she was summoned in as a replacement for Childe, who at the time, was busy with a family emergency. But then again, archon knows what he considers a "family emergency".

They had bumped into each other after leaving their respective court rooms. (Y/n)'s case had just took a break from mediation and she had gone out to get a breath of fresh air.

From there the two crossed paths in the hallways, both needing to use the elevator to get up to the higher level at the same time. (Y/n) stared at him from the corner of her eye, thinking he looked familiar. It wasn't until she walked out of the building that she realized who he was and his relation to the woman she had met earlier. 

According to Lumine, Aether was the rising star of a large firm, called the Abyss Order. (Y/n) was somewhat familiar with the name, her mother, the main managing partner for the Fatui, had given her warning about them and their influence around certain parts of different cities. Their influence wasn't as bad in places like Liyue, but it was worse in others. Apparently they're very big in Mondstadt. 

(Y/n) stretched in the afternoon sunlight. The mediation had taken much longer than expected and with how it was going she didn't think they were going to settle any time soon. She checked her watch, there was a little less than thirty minutes before she would have to head back inside for the rest of the torturous meeting.

There was a reason (y/n) preferred the individual work to actually being in court rooms. She actually couldn't remember the last time she had to go up and present a case.

(Y/n) found a bench close to the courthouse and sat down. She took out her phone and began checking her emails. As she began to respond to one from Yanfei, a very respectable lawyer from a different firm, a person came up behind her. 

He sat down beside her and politely waited for the girl to finish writing the email. (Y/n) finished and looked up at the man as she put her phone away. He was that blonde boy she has seen earlier in the elevator. He was wearing a carefully ironed suit, though it looked as if it had gone under a little strain from movement. The man himself had blonde hair tied in a braid that fell down his back and was partially thrown over his shoulder. She noted that his hair was slightly darker and pinker than Lumine's, and was slightly less well kept. 

"Can I help you?" She asked, giving him a quizzical stare.

"No. Not really." Aether answered back. "It's just that I've started to see you around a lot and I don't recognize you." He gave her a small smile. "Just wanted to have a formal introduction."

"Well then-" She put her hand out. "I'm (Y/n), of the Fatui."

Aether shook her hand. "Aether, of Abyss Order."

(Y/n) and Lumine continued to meet throughout the next couple of weeks. They would share stories, helpful tips, and trade secrets. While all of this had been going on, Aether stood in the background planning his next move. 

"(Y/n)!" Lumine exclaimed, being the one to come in later that day. "It's nice to see you again."

"Likewise." She gently pushed an order of coffee towards the blonde. "Here."

Lumine took a sip, relishing in the taste. "It's exactly as I like it." She smiled. "Thanks."

"De nada."

"What?"

"No problem."

Lumine rubbed her neck bashfully and looked away, embarrassed to make eye contact. 

"I-uh-"

(Y/n)'s phone dinged and both of the girls turned their attention towards the device. (Y/n) turned on her phone and read the message.

"I'm really sorry." She stood up abruptly. "I have to go. It's urgent."

Lumine just nodded in understanding. "Go ahead. Don't let me stop you."

(Y/n) thanked the girl and quickly gathered her stuff and strode out the door, leaving behind Lumine who held a small smile on her face. That smile however, did not reach her eyes, and soon fell, leaving behind a dejected look.

She sighed and looked towards the small package in her purse. The small gift box itself held two tickets to the movie that (y/n) had mentioned wanting to see, and a bit of her favorite snack as well. 

She thumped her head down onto the table in slight moodiness, sad and annoyed that her attempt to get the other woman on a date with her had failed again. Her wallowing was ended by another of her close friends who worked at the coffee shop she often attended.

"Lumine? You good?" The brunette called out. After hearing no response she left her position behind the counter and poked at the woman. 

"Go away Amber." She said, turning her head away from the girl.

Amber, in turn, huffed at her and called for backup. Backup soon came in the form of Eula, who was not working there, but was present in the support of Amber. 

"Is something wrong?" She asked, walking over to the two.

"Yeah. Lumine failed again."

Lumine groaned in response to this and attempted to wave the two off.

"What would (y/n) say if she saw this?" Eula asked, trying to get a response out of her.

"Yeah! What would she say!"

"She would say, "Wow Lumine look how sad and pathetic you are and I would never want to date you."" She grumbled out.

The two standing women shared a look and the more empathetic of two spoke up.

"No. She'd say "Come on Lumine! Stop wallowing and let's go on that date!"" Amber exclaimed, ribbons perking up to look like bunny ears.

Lumine turned her head to face them and slightly opened one golden eye. "That sounds nothing like her."

"Oh well what do you want me to do then!"

"I just don't get how effortlessly easy you two's relationship is."

Eula took the reins. "It's not." Lumine pulled her head up slightly. "Relationships aren't always easy. They take a lot of work from both sides." Lumine looked down.

"But. The effort put in, if you find the right person. Should be given back, and there are so many other things that you also get from relationships too."

Amber chimed in. "At the end of the day you want a companion right? Someone to talk to and all that jazz." She jabbed Eula playfully. "Just remember that you’re not the only person in this city looking for the same thing. So it's better to make your move sooner rather than later."

Amber glanced at the clock before freaking out. "Shoot!" She exclaimed. "I have to get back to work!" Eula returned to her seat to continue working on her laptop. "Keep what I said in mind okay!"

Lumine nodded, feeling slightly better about the situation. She thought about Amber's words though as she left, and the more she looked around the city, the more she really took them in.

'There are so many people.' She thought. 'And a lot of them are looking for the same thing.' She pressed the crosswalk button. 'I was so worried about my own feelings and confession that I never thought about everyone else.' She began her walk. 'I'll- Have to keep that in mind.'

It had been a couple of days since the girls' last meeting. Lumine had been busy with her cases that just seemed to keep piling up. In that time Aether had swooped in to fill the time slot originally held by Lumine in (y/n)'s day.

It just so happened that (y/n) needed to go into his office building that day to take a look over paperwork and a couple of other things. Of course Aether was aware of this and was absolutely sure that he was prepared to make his move.

He had it all planned out. They'd bump into each other on "accident" and Aether would offer to help and show her around. From there they'd talk, find more common ground, he made sure he knew her interests. That information wasn't really gained legally but he knew the inner workings of the law anyways. He was sure he'd find a loophole if it came to that.

Then he'd invite her to dinner, a welcome to the city kind-of sort. She wouldn't turn it down in fear of being rude and ruining company relationships. They'd talk some more, and by the end of the night he was sure she'd see him as at least an option for a romantic partner. It wasn't foolproof but (y/n) was so smart that he could only manage to do some much without her catching on to the not-so nice parts of the company's business.

Unfortunately for Aether, there was one truly fatal part in his plan he had been too excited to even consider. The fact that she didn't show up.

Now (y/n) definitely meant too, she wasn't planning on missing it. But an issue had come up and she had ended up breaking her right leg. She was now in a cast and took it as an excuse to not have to go in person to things. She instead sent some intern to do it. 

So while (y/n) worked from home on a friendly call with Lumine. Aether was stuck leading around a very clumsy intern, who kept breaking things.

1 for Lumine, 0 for Aether.

Aether wasn't the only one getting his plans foiled. Lumine had some issues too.

Lumine had decided. She loved (y/n). She really did! And it wasn't like she was stupid. Just. Really oblivious!

She had taken Amber's advice of just trying to make a move and it was going horribly. For whatever reason, (y/n) was completely oblivious to any and all flirting attempts!

'I mean-' Lumine thought. '-she said she was not raised around many other children or people in general. But how can one person have so little experience or even an idea of how romance works!'

Lumine had even resorted to bad pick up lines to try to get her to take a hint but no dice. Here is a compilation of what happens every time she tries. 

P.S. Lumine goes from very nervously saying to basically giving up.

Lumine: A-are you a triangle? B-because you a-acute!'

(Y/n): blinks at her Thank you? You'd be a- hmm. An isosceles. :)

Lumine: ... D,:

Lumine: Is it hot i-in here or is it just you?

(Y/n): Actually I run much below the average human temperature. So no, it is not me.

Lumine: I've seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

(Y/n): Silently takes her phone and puts in her number. I would suggest trying to find that number. You'll need it for work

Lumine: I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!

(Y/n): Are you alright?! Do you need to go to a hospital?!

Lumine: Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.

(Y/n): ... :)

Lumine: PROGRESS!!

Lumine: I'm really glad I just bought life insurance, because when I saw you, my heart stopped.

(Y/n): Lumine! Again. DO. YOU. NEED. TO. GO. TO. THE. HOSPITAL!!??

Lumine: If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber!

(Y/n): And you'd be a potato.

Lumine: A sweet potato?  ◕‿‿◕

(Y/n): No just a potato.

Lumine: (ಥ﹏ಥ)

1 for Lumine, 1 for Aether

'Are you an orphanage? Because I want to give you k-. If you were a transformer you’d be Optimus fine?! Is your name Ariel? Because we Mermaid for each other... WHAT ARE THESE?!' Lumine thought as she read through the list of pick up lines her friends had given her.

She eventually just gave up and thought it was a better idea to just say it out right. It didn't go very well.

It was sunset in Lisha Park, the wind was blowing softly as the city started to quiet down. Lumine had asked (y/n) to meet her there at 7:00. She had bought movie tickets for a show that started in about two hours. She had dinner reservations and everything.

And so the scene was set, it was peaceful, and as (y/n) approached the bench Lumine had been sitting on she could feel her heartbeat speed up. She gulped as she sat down and looked nervously at the other woman.

Sighing, Lumine passed the small gift-wrapped box to (y/n) and as she began to open it, started speaking.

"(Y/n). I have something to tell you. Something that I've wanted to say for a long time, but until I've never had the courage I needed." She paused to look at the woman, the curious look in her eyes and how they made her feel, gave her the strength to continue. "(Y/n)." She said seriously. "I love you... A lot. And I'm really hoping you feel the same way."

The two stared into each other's eyes for a while before one of them spoke. "I-."

(Y/n) was at an impasse. She knew she was oblivious, but she wasn't that oblivious. She knew what Lumine was trying to do, and had an inkling of an idea about Aether. There was a serious issue though. She wasn't in love with either of them. They were good friends/co-workers but beyond that she didn't feel that way for either of them.

So when Aether volunteered to help and show her around his office building, she already knew about the dinner plans he had made that night. She wasn't sure how to nicely tell him no gracias. She wasn't trained or prepared for the world of love. Luckily she had ended up breaking her leg, which gave her an excuse to opt out of having to talk to him. This is why she didn't like dealing with people!

Lumine was a whole other story though. She was definitely close with the blonde, but nothing like that. So when Lumine had tried her hand at the dating game, she just had to avoid it. It actually took her an embarrassingly long amount of time and bad pickup lines to realize she was flirting with her. At first she really didn't have a clue. Now she's just purposely avoiding the meanings.

So when Lumine said those fateful words, the only thing (y/n)'s panicking mind could come up with was. "I-. L-ike the letter U too. That's nice I suppose."

Lumine looked destroyed. (Y/n) felt bad, but would rather continue to avoid her problems then apologize or reject the woman. 

She didn't give up though. Lumine just shook off what she thought was an accidental rejection and still offered the movie tickets to her. Now (y/n) did really want to see this show so she went along with it anyways. Didn't want to waste Lumine's money.

The two ate at Liyue Pavilion, which (y/n) insisted on paying for, and then went to see the movie. After it was over Lumine offered to drive (y/n) back but she said it was fine and that the apartment complex she was staying in wasn't too far from there.

"You sure you don't want me to drive you?" Lumine asked. "It's no sweat off my back."

"Yes." She responded back. "I'll be fine. I know martial arts."

And with that, Lumine was off, fangirling about her date that almost went to hell. Another person had severely wished that had happened though, and was not very happy about his attempt going south.

As (y/n) walked down the street she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand up on edge. Someone was watching her.

She quickly turned her head side to side watching for anything. A shadow, a falling rock, anything. But she couldn't seem to find what was making her so on edge. (Y/n) stopped her head turning in favor of swiftly speed-walking down the dark street. She wasn't too worried but still wished to avoid confrontation if she could.

As she turned the corner she was pulled into a dark alleyway. She tried to struggle and kick her way out of there but to no avail, there were too many of them. Suddenly she felt her head ache and could hear ringing in her ears. Right before she went down she heard the people say something.

"Nice going dude. The boss said not to hurt her!"

"Chill. We can just say it came from her trying to esca-"

It went black.

| Time: 2 weeks ago |

Lumine walked into the familiar coffee shop and was greeted by the smell of coffee and the little jingle of the bell. She went up to the register and ordered. She then paid, collected her coffee and a small croissant. Sitting down at the same booth as always, she opened her laptop and got to work. 

About thirty minutes later someone else new walked into the coffee shop. Amber noticed this and gave them a warm welcome. They ordered and stood around waiting for their food. Lumine didn't pay attention to the new person and just continued on with her day. That was until.

"A coffee with 2 shots of espresso, steamed milk, and a teaspoon of sugar and cream! For uh, a Mr. Aether!"

And with that Lumine's head shot up, only to be met with Aether's face as he sat down. The two drank their coffee in silence before Lumine broke it with a teasing remark.

"You still order your coffee at the kid's temperature Aether?"

He glared at her and rolled his eyes at her comment. "You're just mad that I can drink mine right away while you have to wait the entire day to drink yours." He jeered.

The two continued their glaring for a little while until Aether broke the silence instead. "I need to talk to you Lumine and I'll make it short and simple. Stay. Away. From (Y/n)."

Lumine was surprised at her brother being so outright but told him off anyways. "And? Why should I? Were much closer than you. If anything you should be the one staying away."

"Lumine." He said, voice bitter. "I won't ask again. I won't do anything to you, you're my sister. But your little friends over there." He glanced at Amber manning the counter. "I'd have no hesitation."

Lumine spoke with poorly concealed rage in her voice. "You wouldn't dare. I have stuff on you that would create a rather poor public image of you and your company." She spat out. 

"Sorry to bother you." A voice spoke out. The twins' atmosphere completely changed to one that was warm and friendly.

"Yes?" They said in sync. 

"I was just wondering if you were done with that plate. So I could take it back."

"Oh." Lumine said. "Actually, is it possible to bother you for a chocolate croissant? Or do you need me to go up to the counter?"

"Oh no. I can do the transaction here if you want. Would you like me to do that?"

"Uh. Yes please! Thank you."

She hummed and walked away with the plate as the twins turned back to each other.

"Wow. Way to go at being an inconvenience." He poked, smirking at her.

"Oh come on. Look at that line. I wasn't going to go stand in it for another 30 minutes or something. Besides, it's supposed to be the express line, for like small orders. People just don't read signs."

The two snickered at that before the atmosphere went dark again.

"You wouldn't really do that to your brother would you?" He mocked. "Because that would really break my heart, you know."

"Then stay out of my way." Lumine glowered. Huffing slightly.

"How about you stay out of mine." Aether fumed. "Otherwise I have the resources to follow thro-"

"I'm back!" She said, startling the twins. "Oh I'm sorry did I interrupt something? Stupid stupid stupid." She lightly smacked her forehead along with her words. 

"No, it's fine." Aether said, smiling at her.

"Oh alright. Here you go!" She returned the smile and placed down the croissant. Lumine dug some cash out of her purse and handed it to the lady.

"You can keep the change."

"Thank you! Have a good day!"

"You too."

Lumine turned back to face Aether but he was already gone. She grumbled and returned to her work.

When (y/n) awoke it was in a new location. She was on what seemed to be a bed but had a hard time focusing on her surroundings because of the ringing in her ears. She sat up and massaged her head, finding a sore spot in the back.

Suddenly the door across from the bed opened, artificial light spilling into the room. (Y/n) squinted and cringed slightly from the sudden brightness and watched with blurry eyes as a shadow walked into the room. A shadow with a braid.

The figure sat on the bed next to where (y/n) lay and rubbed the back of her head where the sore spot was. As (y/n)'s vision finally cleared she could make out who it was. It was Aether. 

"A-Aether?" She croaked out, still dizzy from the injury. "W-what. What am I doing here?" She shook her head in an attempt to clear it, but only made the pain worse. She grimaced and Aether went to grab something.

"Here." He gave her a small cup filled with liquid. "It'll help with the pain."

(Y/n) drank it and looked around, the lamp Aether had turned on illuminating the dark room. There wasn't much in there. Just a bed, two bedside tables, a lamp, and a desk and chair. The other side of the room had a single large dresser. That was it.

"Aether." She called for the attention of the blonde. "What is going on?" She asked, more serious in tone.

"Nothing you need to worry about dear."

'Dear? When did we get on those terms? What is going on?' She thought, mind racing. She looked around for a way out but the only plausible way was through the door. There was no window in the room and she couldn't see what was through the other door but she guessed it was a bathroom.

"I know this is going to be a bit of an adjustment." He said, locking away something in one of the desk drawers . "But I know we'll make it through. We will be moving in a bit, so don't worry, this is just temporary." He said reassuringly and smiled.

By now (y/n) had a pretty good idea of what was going on, but was still confused about why, so she asked.

"Aether." He came back over and sat on the bed again. 

"Yes." He said lovingly.

(Y/n) cringed on the inside when he said that. "Why am I here? Is it political? Is it money? Is it case related? Do you not like me hanging out with your sister?" She was about to continue when Aether put his index finger to her lips and answered.

"Yes and no. It's not political and it has nothing to do with money or a case. I do mind you hanging around my sister but for a reason much different then you probably think." He smiled. "The reason your here is because I love you."

(Y/n) clenched up at his words. This was not what she was expecting. 

"And don't you worry about a thing. I'll take care of it all." he removed his hand in favor of rubbing (y/n)'s head with adoration. As he looked at her with lovesick eyes, she realized that she had to get out of there and out of there quickly. Aether lovingly sighed as he continued, before being interrupted by someone bursting into the room.

Aether glared at the man as he spoke. "Sir! Someone is here to see you!"

"Tell them I'm busy." He rolled his eyes as he spoke.

"Sir. It's. It's your sister."

Aether stooped his motions and sighed. Standing up, he walked out towards the door but before he closed it, he turned back and said. "I'll be back soon, so don't try anything funny." He then gave her another adoring smile and then closed the door. (Y/n) could hear multiple locks and latches as they were closed.

As soon as she was sure that he was gone, (y/n) sprung up from where she was sitting and began scouring the room for an exit. There were no windows, in either the main room or the room that she was right about being a bathroom. She definitely couldn't brute her way out of here, and her leg wasn't fully healed. 

She was about to make another round before seeing something reflect in the bathroom mirror. It was a vent. It was under the bed. But it was far too small for any human to fit it. Her hope was quickly dashed, but then she remembered something. Aether had locked something in the desk drawer, so maybe there might be something else in there that could help her.

(Y/n) was about to attempt to pry it open when she heard two loud voices arguing as they came towards the room she was in. The closer they got, the easier it was for (y/n) to recognize them. It was Aether and Lumine. 

Now (y/n) could have called out for Lumine, but honestly the twins were so alike that she didn't want to take any chances. So as the two approached closer and closer towards the door that led to her freedom, she lay in wait.

Lumine rushed forward as Aether tried to stop her. As they fought, Lumine would rush over, undo a lock or two and then get pulled back into the struggling match.

As soon as the last lock was unlocked (y/n) knew and she began to creep forward towards the door. When she heard them coming towards it again, she threw open the door so the two tumbled inside.

She raced out the door and closed it, locking every latch, lock, and deadbolt behind her. Then she ran.

[thedarkeside]

Overprotective/toxic Bakugou Headcanons

Katsuki x Reader

Content Warnings: Toxic relationships/toxic behavior, social isolation, nongraphic smut.

I'm lowkey wondering if this would qualify as yandere? Maybe? I dunno.

●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～

❥ I headcanon Katsuki being very traumatized after everything that went down with the LoV-- the popping out of nowhere and beating the shit out of everyone, the kidnapping, y'know. That stuff.

❥ Like, I think that he would lowkey expect villains to just pop up out of nowhere.

❥ And he wouldn't care much if it were just him, he knows that now he can handle himself.

❥ But now he has you.

❥ You, who is absolutely not suited to fight these strong ass villains.

❥ You, who has absolutely zero hero training.

❥ You, who doesn't even have a particularly impressive quirk.

❥ Yeah. That's what scares him.

❥ So if you're living together, he's going to be kind of overkill with the insistence to protect you.

❥ AKA he doesn't want you leaving the house without him.

❥ It was at first kind of cute. He would want to walk you to and from work, he would take you grocery shopping, he would even come along when you wanted to do some clothes shopping.

❥ The last one is typically pretty welcomed-- he's the son of two people in the fashion industry, and despite dressing like a little goblin half the time, he knows how to create a pretty decent fit.

❥ But then it gets a bit suffocating.

❥ "Why can't I come with you and your friends to dinner? You embarrassed of me, sweetheart?"

❥ "Oh, a doctors appointment? Why not just come with me to my agency today. We've got plenty of doctors on site that can take care of you just fine."

❥ "Why go out to the movie theater when we've got a whole screening room here?"

❥ You let it slide, of course. You know that as a prohero he's seen all type of bad shit, plus you're well aware of what happened during his UA days-- it was all over the news, of course you know about the horrors, even if Katsuki doesn't like talking about it.

❥ But your leniency to his (toxic) behavior, his insistence of following you everywhere, allows it all to evolve into him not wanting you to even leave the house at all.

❥ "We've got all you could possibly want here, sweetheart."

❥ "If you want to see those damn extras so badly, just invite them over-- just not that one, or those other two, they give me a bad feeling."

❥ Of course, "that one" and "those other two" make up more than half of your friend group.

❥ And even then, Katsuki has a tendency to hover.

❥ During one of your few moments alone with your friends, you talk about his behavior, and they pretty much clue you in on how unhealthy his behavior is.

❥ What they say about "Love blinds" is apparently pretty damn true.

❥ So you sit down with Katsuki for a little chat.

❥ "Kat, you can't just limit me on what I'm able to do. I'm a grown woman, I can take care of myself."

❥ He would of course respond with--

❥ "Sweetheart, I've seen a whole lot more of this world than you have. If you think you could possibly protect yourself from it without me, you're being stupid."

❥ That got you pretty pissed.

❥ After a bit of a tongue lashing from you, he promised to ease up on it.

❥ "Fine, if you want to go out, then you can, but only if you check in with me every now and then and stay out of the sketchy areas."

❥ That promise wasn't worth shit.

❥ You managed to go out maybe twice with your friends before he started acting up again.

❥ Just not in the same way.

❥ Instead of throwing a fit when you tried leaving, he would try to seduce you into going back to the bedroom.

❥ It worked.

❥ He would just start off with "C'mon babe, just a quicky, you'll still have plenty of time to get ready."

❥ What you expected to be maybe fifteen minutes turned into an hour, then two hours.

❥ You would wind up having nearly a dozen orgasms.

❥ "Sorry baby, I guess I got a little carried away. You're just so damn tempting"

❥ If you don't just straight up black out by the end, you would sure as hell be exhausted and not able to feel your legs.

❥ You barely had the energy to text your friends that you can't make it.

❥ And it would keep happening.

❥ And happening.

❥ And happening.

❥ Your friends end up getting pretty fed up with how much of a flake you've become.

❥ They decided to stop inviting you at all.

❥ And Katsuki couldn't be happier.

[fuck-customers]

This is more of a fuck management but anyway, I’m a lifeguard at a public pool in California, you know where we all burn up a couple times a year, and we were getting quite a bit of smoke last week due to some huge fires. On the worst day, I was working pretty much morning to evening and the smoke was just getting increasingly worse. That morning at our staff training some of us kind of jokingly asked if we could close early if the smoke got bad and our coordinator (basically the person who oversees our whole department) was kind of laughing with us and said something to the effect of “you just want to get out of work” which that was the joke so it was whatever. But later on the smoke actually did get a lot worse, which we weren’t expecting. I’m a head guard which is basically like a shift supervisor and several of the lifeguards told me that they weren’t feeling well from the smoke, getting headaches, feeling nauseous, stuff like that. A couple of them have asthma and I was getting really concerned. It’s our policy to close if the air quality gets above 150 on the air quality index but we're only allowed to use one specific government website, which can use a testing site up to 50 miles away and only updates around every 2 hours. All the local weather websites said the air was unhealthy and above 150 but what did the government site say? Moderate and around 45 which was absolutely not true. Finally one of the camps that comes regularly left early because the air was so bad and I used that as an excuse to text our coordinator and ask if we could close. I told her that several of the guards were not feeling well and the camp had already left. She finally conceded and let us close. We were all understandably excited and started rushing to get our closing duties done as fast as we could so we could get out of the smoke. The coordinator came down to see how things were going and pick up some paperwork from the day. I do want to say that our coordinator is actually a really nice person most of the time and one of the better ones that we’ve had (we’ve had some real weirdos in the past). But idk if she just didn’t really believe us or maybe I’m reading too much into this but while she was there, she made a comment to the effect of “you guys are excited to go home, aren’t you” which sounded really condescending. I felt like she was somehow trying to guilt trip me for asking to close. It was like she was saying “haha I know you don’t really think it’s dangerous out here. You made this up so you can go home.” Like, lady, two of our guards had to use their inhalers before we even opened. About three others are complaining they don’t feel good. I’m starting to get nauseous myself. You can’t see the hills anymore. The air out here is very clearly unhealthy. So yes, we are excited to go home and get out of the toxic air, forgive us for not being willing to sacrifice our health and our lungs for this place. Not to mention, as lifeguards, it’s literally our job to make sure the people that come into this pool are safe and right now it’s not safe for them to be here.

Idk maybe I’m just overreacting to that one little comment but they had already made us jump through so many hoops to even get to close that day and it felt so defeating that she didn’t really even believe us.

[my-emotional-self]

Toxic Love Chapter 3

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes

Summary: Finding out your soulmates were Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes was one thing.  But when someone from your past comes back to haunt you, you have to figure out if a relationship with two super soldiers is something you really want to pursue or if you’d rather go back to your comfortable single life.

Series Warnings:  18+, Swearing, Angst, Fluff, past mentions of rape, self-harm, attempted rape, domestic violence, stalking, death threats, possible Dark!Steve?, Steve will be an asshole a LOT in this series but I don’t know how dark it will get, explicit sexual content, mental health issues, kind of A/B/O dynamics but not really (no they are not actual wolves, more like the hierarchy)

A/N: There will be no taglist for this story!  I apologize in advance!

Two days later you found yourself back in the same elevator at the Avengers Tower, only this time with Bucky.  It was a surprise when you opened up your apartment door to see Bucky standing there, ready to escort you to the tower as you planned on walking there yourself. But you didn’t mind one bit.  In fact, you found Bucky Barnes to be rather charming and quite adorable with half of his hair in a little bun in the back of his head.  

The elevator doors opened on the same floor as last time.  Bucky walked in front of you as you followed closely behind him and that was when you spotted Steve.  He was dressed much more casually this time in a pair of black sweats and a gray t-shirt that looked about two sizes too small.  His arm muscles practically ripping the seams of his shirt.  It was definitely a sight to see.  

Steve was leaned over the island counter looking at some paperwork and turned when he heard the two of you enter.  This time, a small smile graced his lips.  He walked right up to you and quickly apologized.  “I’m sorry for the way I acted the other day.  I’ve been under a lot of stress and while I couldn’t be more happy to have finally met you, the timing is just not that great.  I truly am sorry and I hope you can forgive me.”

Looking up into those baby blue eyes of his, your body melts.  You hadn’t noticed the first time you saw him just how bright his eyes were. Could you forgive him?  Sure, you could only imaging how stressful of a job this must be for him and the rest of the Avengers.  

“Yeah, I forgive you Steve,” you replied with a close lipped smile.  

“Great, why don’t we head into the living room and we can talk,” he said as he held his arm out towards the living room.  

You sat on the large couch, right in the middle while both Steve and Bucky sat on the chairs on either side of the couch.  Both men had their hands clasped together with their elbows on their knees, leaning forward.  They were watching you intently, waiting for your decision.  

“Umm, alright I can start,” you began to say, giving your lips a lick as your mouth felt parched.  “After two days of thinking it over, I have decided to move in here…if that’s ok with you both.”  Why were you so nervous this time around?  Was it because Steve was actually being nicer and taking his time to talk to you rather than talk down to you?  Was it because both men were intently staring at you?  Whatever it was, you hadn’t felt quite this nervous in some time.  

“Of course it would be alright with us if you moved in.  Isn’t that right Buck?”

“Absolutely,” Bucky replied, a bright smile on his face.  

Giving both men a shaky nod, you chewed on  your lower lip nervously, knowing what was coming next and you just hoped they weren’t going to be too terrible.  And if they were, hopefully they would be willing to compromise on a few.  

Steve cleared his throat as he stood up from his chair; Bucky following his lead as they both stood in front of you.  “Should we go over the rules then?” Steve asked with authority in his tone, but you knew that was just part of him being the ‘alpha’ of this relationship.  Giving him a subtle nod, Steve began with the rules.

“Rule number one.  You are not to leave the tower by yourself.  You either have one of us go with you or at least get someone else living in the tower to go with you.  We would prefer one of us, but if we are on a mission, then that’s understandable.  We don’t want you getting hurt and we only want to protect you,” he stated.  

Ok, this wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be.  While you were more of a hermit anyways, not really going out much even during the day, this rule seemed pretty easy to follow.  “I can agree to that rule,” came your reply.  

“Good, rule number two. No lying.  We want an open and honest relationship and if you lie to us, we can’t help you and it will certainly not help with trusting you. Same goes for us.  We won’t lie to you either.  Deal?”

“Deal.”  Wow, this was much easier than you thought.  

“Rule number three. No touching yourself without one of us.” And there it goes, all out the window. You could feel the embarrassment creep up on your neck and cheeks.  “I know this rule can be a little out there.  But Bucky and I want to be the ones that give you pleasure.”

You weren’t innocent, of course you got yourself off.  Hell, you had a whole drawer full of toys.  But this seemed a little excessive.  You didn’t plan on jumping into the sack with either of them for a while, not until you got to know them and bringing pleasure to yourself was one of your biggest stress relievers.  

“Ok, but what if you two are on a mission for weeks, if not months?”

Bucky and Steve gave each other a look.  It seemed as if they were speaking to each other telepathically, knowing what the other was thinking just by that one look.  

“How about this,” Bucky began to say, his shoulders relaxing.  “If we are gone on a mission that is more than two weeks, we can try phone sex perhaps.  That way one of us is still technically bringing you pleasure with at least our voice.”

Letting out a breath, you thought about it for a minute.  It’s not like you were a sex crazed maniac; you didn’t need to get off five times a day.  It would be difficult though, especially in the beginning of the relationship, but it was possible.  “Ok.  I’ll agree to that.”

“Good,” Steve stated, giving you little smile.  “Rule four. You don’t need any money or income. Bucky and I have more than enough for us to live very comfortably and we can provide for you.  We would like you to not work if you do have a job right now.”

“Nope.  Hard no,” you exclaimed.  You loved your job, it was your passion, your hobby.  When you were dating John, he made you give it up. When you told him no, well, that was the first time he hit you.  He had backhanded you across your face, leaving you bruised for weeks.  When you finally got out of that relationship and he was thrown in jail, your job was the only thing to keep you from falling over the edge.  “Look, I don’t need my job either.  It pays well and I’m good at saving.  I have plenty of money in the bank for a rainy day.  But I can’t not do my job.  It is my passion and my one true hobby.  I am begging you, please don’t make me quit,” you spoke with a trembling lip and damp eyes.  

In the blink of an eye, Steve was sitting down to your right, Bucky to your left.  They each placed a hand on your knee in comfort.  “Maybe we can compromise on this then.  What is it that you do for a living?” Bucky questioned.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and willed the tears away.  “I’m a gamer.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t really know what that means,” Steve said.  

“A gamer.  I go online and play games on a site called Twitch. I live stream as I play games and people watch me.”

“People watch you to play games online and you get paid to do that?” Bucky asked with confusion.  

A chuckle left your lips. “I know. It sounds silly.  But I love it.  I really do.  I work from home.  I make my own hours.  I can work ten days in a row if I want and I can take a month off if I want.”

“So how often do you work?” came Steve’s question.  

You shrugged your shoulders. “It depends.  Lately I’ve been working about four to five nights a week on average.  But if we compromise, I can easily go down to two nights a week and I’d still be ok with that.”

There it was again, Steve and Bucky looking at each other.  You swore they were talking with their minds, but then again, they have known each other for what, over 100 years now?

“Alright.  Two nights a week we will start out with.”  You squealed in excitement as your arms wrapped around Steve’s neck in a tight hug before doing the same to Bucky.  

“Thank you for compromising with me,” you sputtered in excitement.  “Are there any other rules?”

“Just one more for the time being.  If we need to come up with more rules along the way we will.  But for the last rule, we want you to be healthy.  That means eating three meals a day and getting a good night’s rest.  We don’t want you up at all hours of the night and sleeping during the day.  We try to eat as many meals as possible together. Mainly breakfast and lunch during the weekends and dinner every night if possible.”

Well, that one will be really difficult for you to deal with.  You never ate breakfast.  Hell, you barely ate lunch.  You really only ate on average one meal a day and then snacks here and there.  “I can definitely try with the eating three meals a day.  I normally only eat one meal a day and then have snacks but I promise to try.  But when I do my job, it is done at night and sometimes I am up a little later than normal.”

Steve nodded and you watched as his jaw clenched.  “Just try to get to bed at a reasonable hour on those few nights a week that you work alright?”

There was this deep feeling inside of you that made you not want to upset your soulmate so you quickly nodded your head in agreement.  

“I do have one question,” you asked quietly.

“Go ahead,” Steve responded, eyes on you.

“What if I do break a rule? What happens then?”

Steve cocked his head to the side, thinking about it.  “Well, I guess it depends on what rule you break and how severely you break it.  It could be something as simple as not being able to go to your hobby room on the communal floor, or having you spend time in your room alone.  This is new territory for us to so we might have to make the punishments up as we go.”

“Ok, that sounds doable,” you agreed.  

Bucky touched the small of your back and you turned to face him.  “Is there anything in particular on your end you wanted to say?  Any kind of rules for us  you wanted to discuss?”  

You thought about it for a minute, but only one came to mind.  “Yeah,” you began to speak quietly as you looked down at your hands in your lap. “You can call me doll and sweetheart and any other terms of endearment like that.  But please don’t call me ‘babe’.”  Memories of John growling out that word to you as he punched and kicked you until your ribs broke came flooding back to you.  You never wanted to be called that word again.  

“I think we can manage that,” Bucky agreed.

“That won’t be a problem on our end at all,” Steve quipped.  “Now how about we order some pizza and we can get to know you a little better?”

Just then, your stomach grumbled at the thought of pizza.  You were starving.  “Pizza sounds amazing right now.”

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

how is sw's french fandom? because I'm terribly depressed right now. In every interaction I've had with the Spanish-speaking fandom, it seems like there is NO one who cares even a little bit of affection for the Jedi. The most recent one I saw? a site that talks about the High Republic attachment and the Jedi being non-toxic and that the prequel Jedi are dogmatic, ostracized Qui-Gon and (yeah, you guessed it) guilty of Anakin's downfall. The best (worst) of all? the site is called 1/2

"the Jedi Temple Library". I feel so damn exhausted from the anti-Jedi discourse. Sometimes I just want to be able to talk about the things I like about SW in my own language without feeling like I'd be more successful talking to a wall. I thought that despite the geolinguistic differences you could understand this feeling because I swear that I will start to believe that I am crazy since nobody seems to have read the text and meta tex like me.or maybe you give me hope that it's not so bad there

sorry for ranting on your blog, it's just frustrating and exhausting dealing with fandom some days and I associate your blog as "safe for pro-Jedi" 3/3

So sorry for getting back to you so late, I hope you're doing better <3 I definitely understand the frustration!

I've got to be honest, I don't know what the French side of the Star Wars fandom is like at all, because I've never looked there - I just don't like Star Wars in French (it just makes no sense for Anakin to say "vous" to Obi-Wan alright? Or "usted" is Spanish! It's dumb! Anakin and Obi-Wan obviously use "tu"!) - but I expect it wouldn't be that much different from the English side.

It's different when I discuss Star Wars with my fellow French irl though, it that makes you feel better! Most Muslims, Christians and other religious people I've chatted with really resonate with the Jedi, or at the very least are more likely to feel empathy for them, and most atheists or non-practicing people (which is to say, the vast majority of French people) are at least open to debate, because French culture is essentially built around arguing xD So all in all, I do get to have conversations where I can pit my endless knowledge of useless Star Wars analysis and trivia against good faith arguments.

Always feels free to rant on my blog! I like to think it's safe for everybody who's not being rude, and it's definitely full of love for the Jedi!

[rahleeyah]

This last anon you answered got me thinking about why so many of us keep going back to twitter, even when we openly admit to feeling better after taking long breaks, or call it toxic or are affected by w/e the drama of the week (day?) happens to be. I'm sorry if this seems out of place, but since this is neither the first nor second time you bring up these issues, I figured I might as well share my thoughts here with you.

I can only speak from my own experience, so I'm sure what I'm about to say doesn't apply to everyone. I'm sure a lot of people manage to find great friends over there and enjoy the best that twitter has to offer. In fact, most days I feel like I do a decent job at filtering what I pay attention to over there. But still, there are days, those really bad, depressing, 'the world sucks and I just wanna escape it for a bit' days, when I feel myself being pulled into whatever bad spiral is going on at the moment. Yesterday was one of those, tbh, and I had to stop and ask myself why? Why do I still feel the need to keep going back to a site that more often than not leaves me feeling anxious and upset?

The answer isn't very flattering, tbh, and I might regret sharing this here, but I realized it's not the tweets or the likes or the mentions I'm craving. It's just, you know, somewhere to share my love for these characters/shows with other ppl like me. And that's where y'all tumblr ppl come in and say "why, join us over here where it's calmer and friendlier and slower." I believe you, Leah, because your blog is the perfect example of that. It's such a pure, honest representation of the very best sides of fandom, and you know it's true, since you're always drowning in asks lol. But, damn, it's not quite for me... Maybe it's bc I'm not much of a visual person, so gifs and pictures don't really grab my attention for long? Or, more likely, it's bc it takes time and dedication to shape a blog, and the sheer anxiety I feel every time I decide to put anything out into the wild west that is the internet makes it much easier to do so in short bursts of 280 characters or less. Idk...

Whatever the case may be for other twitter users who, like me, keep using twitter even when it makes them anxious, I have to believe that at least a few of them share my desire for connection. And it sucks that I've been there for months, and the 'friendships' I made are superficial at best. But from the little I gathered from observing other users, many many people feel alienated or left out while 'everyone else is friends with each other'. Some people really are, probably, but it's really hard to tell when we're all 'besties' forever reacting to the latest piece of news that just dropped, be it real or fabricated, don't ya think?

I'm sorry for this rant and for how long it ran... I guess I just wanted somewhere to go a bit more in depth about the seemingly neverending chaos, what with the way it often ends up making it's way to your asks, regardless of your advice to just. not. go. there.

---

This is a submission from @unusualcliches

First I want to thank you for sharing this with me friend. I'm really glad you felt comfortable enough to come here and talk bc it's important that we have places where we can say what's on our mind.

And I wanna apologize, bc I was sort of flippant with my comment about staying off Twitter. I wanna make it very clear I don't hold anything against the people who prefer to use it and I'm not actually recommending that no one go there. Everybody is looking for different things and has different ways of engaging and of course people are gonna have preferences, and those preferences are gonna vary from mine, and that's ok!!

We all want community and Twitter does offer that more easily. I said this in a moment that got edited out of the podcast but I can't imagine trying to get started on Tumblr now. I have made some profound, life changing relationships here, but that took work, and time. I've been shaping my blog for over a decade. Starting from scratch now feels like a herculean task and I totally understand why this platform wouldn't suit everybody's needs.

I am not gonna advocate for people continuing to use social media if it's negatively impacting them, if it's generating feelings of anxiety or isolation, but I am also not gonna judge you or anyone for continuing to do so bc we all do things we maybe shouldn't, or that aren't good for us, big or small, all the time. It's human. It's understandable. We see something that we want, that maybe could be good for us, and we keep coming back in the hope that even if it wasn't good to us the last time, it will work out now. I'm not gonna fault you for that.

Twitter has the ability to connect people quickly, easily, openly; it is much, much easier to find people there. But bc it moves so fast, it's hard to make those connections last. There are people there who post these pictures and share these stories and have clearly found their in-group and that's wonderful! But it's rare. It's rare here, too, rare anywhere; it's a needle in a haystack, really, finding the person or persons out of such a big group who will be your people. You send a lot of DMs that don't go anywhere before you find the one that sticks. But bc Twitter is so public, I think we see more of those connections than you see here on Tumblr. On Twitter it's so visible, you see "oh it's possible to find your people here, look they did it" but you don't see all the times it didn't work out. Like Instagram; you're seeing the shiniest parts of people's lives and not the work it took to get there.

All this to say, it's completely understandable that you feel this way, and I won't blame you for going back even if it's burned you before. It's an act of hope, really. I make the choice not to spend a lot of time there, but that's my choice for myself, and it's not up to me to make that choice for anyone else. I hope you do get something good out of it.

[mudhorn-djarin19]

Relaxation -  (Ezra x f!reader)

Summary: After a long day of prospecting you help your partner Ezra unwind. A mutual on another site posted the bts gif of Pedro as Ezra getting a massage... and it gave me this idea :x oops Rating: Explicit Warnings: mutual pining, language, slight mention of an age gap, piv unprotected sex, slight fingering, and creampie AO3 Link | Masterlist | Join my taglist via here!

Another long day of prospecting on The Green with your companion Ezra was in the books. You had secured quite a few gems in today's dig which was great since the past few days you had not done so well. The trek back to your tent wasn’t short which wasn’t fun after the long and tiresome day. Both you and Ezra groaned and sighed along the way, joints and muscles sore from digging all day. A hot shower and some rest was much needed.

Finally arriving back at your tent you both stripped down of your suits once closed inside from the toxic area. Chucking the helmets and air filter equipment aside, suit shoved down to your feet and kicked aside. 

“Whew I am utterly exhausted, birdie.” Ezra groans as he trots over to his cot. “Every fiber of my being aches. I haven't felt this sore in many cycles.”

Ezra stretches out his arms and legs, rolling his head to feel some ease in his joints and muscles but it was to no help it seemed. You walk over and sit on the edge of his cot, placing a hand on his arm. You felt sore too but knew Ezra was probably suffering more since did the majority of the digs work and was older in age than you. 

“Would you like me to try and help ease the ache Ez?” You ask.

“Whatever do you mean?” He asks, eyeing you.

“I can give you a massage to help ease the pain in your muscles some if you'd like. Might help.” You shrugged.

“I would be absolutely enthralled by that birdie. Maybe it would help. However, I do not wish to bother you and make you in more pain by helping me.” He states.

“Ez, I am fine. I offered as well. Now go change into your sweats.” You chuckle.

He rolls out of his cot, grabbing his sweat pants from the foot of his bed and heads into the small sectioned off bathroom to change. Returning a few minutes later and only in said sweatpants. You motion for him to go crawl back into his cot, face down and he follows suit. You sit back on the edge of his cot, looking at him and question how to get a good angle to do your work.

“Um Ez? Is it okay if I uh… straddle your body a bit? I think I'd have a better angle to massage that way.” You blush.

“Not at all. Go forth.” He mumbles from his face half in the pillow.

You slide a leg over his torso and gently sit on his rear. Popping the cap of the lotion bottle, you squirt some in your hands and start to spread it on his back. Your hands work at the right muscles in his shoulders and neck first. Gently rubbing circles into the tight muscles.  Ezra groans in response, enjoying the ache already starting to ease. Your hands slide down to work at his spine and sides next. Feeling as if you got most of the tenseness out of his back you ask him to flip over. Moving off of him to sit beside him and then restraddling him but at his knees instead this time. As you work at massaging the ache in his body away you can't help but to admire him. The faint few scars he has here and there from his life of prospecting, the soft belly and bit of dark hair trailing down into the waistline of his sweats. Your hands work at the planes of his chest and down his arms, slowly working down his sides too. After a bit your hands work at rubbing his hips and upper thighs but after a bit Ezra groans and pushes your hands away. 

“I think that’ll do little bird.” 

“Ez, I haven't even done your legs and feet yet…” You state and look down for a second, only to catch a growing tent in his sweats. 

Ezra catches your gaze. “M-my sincerest apologies birdie. Please ignore that. Like I previously stated that’ll do. Thank you for the superb massage.”

You don't move from your spot but, instead slide your hands down his side again and gently massage his hips, your hands trailing inwards just a bit. Ezra groans again. 

“Ez?” You question and look up at him. Your eyes locking. You continue your massage, hands trailing inwards more, slightly grazing the tent in his sweats. “Want to explain?” You smirk.

“Birdie…” He sighs. “ I-I am and have been utterly infatuated with you for a while now. We’ve been partners for some time, it was bound to happen at some point for many reasons. I acknowledge if you do not reciprocate these emotions. I did not mean for this…” he nods his heads toward the tent in his sweats. “To occur.”

You chuckle and slide forward, straddling his hips now, which entices a groan out of him. Leaning down, hands sliding across his torso, landing on his chest, you bring your face to his. 

“I like you too Ezra. Have for a while. If you want… I can help ease the ache there too.” You say with a smirk as you lean forward pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Oh birdie… I would be enamored by that.” He sighs into the kiss.

You lean back up, staying straddled on his hips and grinding down on him some. Ezra bucks his hips up in response, hands finding hold of your hips. Continuing to slowly grind against him you work at removing your tunic and bra, tossing them to the floor.

“Kevva...” Ezra sighs at the sight of your breasts. “May I?” He asks, sliding a hand up your side slowly.

Giving him a confirmation nod, his hand finds its way to grasp a hold of one of your breasts. He gives it a gentle squeeze. Raising himself up a bit onto one elbow he takes the breast in his hand into his mouth. His tongue rolls around the bud, getting it to peak. He swaps elbows to rest on and then does the same to the other breasts.

You slide back from his hip a bit and caress your hand over his growing bulge. He doesn’t give you a warning before his arm intertwines around you, flipping you underneath him. His fingers hook into the waistband of your pants, giving a gentle tug before looking up into your eyes for confirmation still game. You give him a nod and he pulls them and your underwear down your legs. He wets his lips as he takes in your naked body before him. You shuck the rest of your bottoms off to the foot of the bed.

Exquisite.” He smirks. “Just like I knew you'd be.”

You blush and trail your hands from his arms to his hips, tugging on the waistband of his sweats down his body, revealing his cock already leaking from the tip. You wet your lips at the sight and wrap your hand around it. You run your thumb over the tip, spreading his pre-cum around which entices a groan out of him.

“Fuck… birdie that feels… oh that feels pleasant.” He says between pants. He discards his sweats the rest of the way and sits back on his haunches. 

You pump his cock a little bit, warming him up as you lean forward to press a kiss to his jaw where the bare patch is in his beard. You trail your kisses across his jaw and down his neck, stopping at his collarbone. 

His hand snakes its way down to your core where he taps both thighs to spread farther, which you do. He caresses the inside of your thighs and then teases a finger at your entrance when reaches it. He eases a thick finger into your folds, pumping it in and out of you. You gasp at the sensation. He eases another thick finger into you, continuing the same motions.

“Shit Ez… your fingers are so thick. Feels so good.” You moan.

“I have to say birdie, I am without doubt my cock will feel better.” He smirks.

You look back down at his thick length, clenching around his fingers at the sight of it. You know it will and you can't wait. 

“Ez, please.” You whine. Your hand finds his length again, giving it some strokes.

He groans and bucks up into your hand. “What do you need?”

“Let me ease your ache… and you can ease mine too.” 

His hands find hold of your hips with one hand, the other grabs his cock and lines it up at your entrance, sliding the tip of it through your folds teasingly. He slowly pushed into you inch by inch until his hips are against yours, bottoming out inside of you. You both let out gasps at the feeling of each other. You feel so full and Ezra loving how tight you are.

“Fuck birdie. You feel amazing.” He states, not moving yet.

“So do you. Please move Ezra.” 

Ezra slowly pulls out, leaving just the tip remaining before pushing back in. He keeps a slow pace, loving the feeling and wanting to revel in the moment. He dreamed of this day for a while and it’s finally happening. He doesn’t want it to end anytime soon. His hand on your hip slides to squeeze your breast, teasing the nipple some. As he continues the slow pace and teasing you, he leans forward and his mouth captures yours. His tongue caresses your lips, asking for entrance. Once allowed in his tongue glides against yours. He kisses you for a good few seconds but then removes his lips from yours and rolls over, so you are now on top of him.

“Take jurisdiction birdie. Ease my ache.” He groans, holding onto your hips. 

You lift your hips up off of him before slamming back down, picking up a bit faster pace. He groans at the feeling. You lean forward a bit, hands bracing on his chest. Your lips find his jaw and kiss along it, trailing down to hsi neck and nipping some.

“Kevva…” He sighs. 

His hand finds your clit and starts rubbing circles as you continue to ride him fast, working to get you close to release. You whimper at the feeling, already feeling warmth take over your body. After a few more thrusts you start to jitter some feeling close to the edge.

“Ez, I’m close…” You whine. 

He smirks but stays silent and continues to let you ride him, taking what you need from him as he works your clit. After another thrust or two you let go, soaking his cock with your release. His fingers work you through your high and once you come down from it he flips you back over to be underneath him again. He slams his cock in and out of you at a fast pace, chasing his own release. He was close. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he grunted with each thrust. You kiss the bare patch in his beard, your favorite spot to kiss now. 

“Birdie, I do believe I am near.” He huffs. “Where would you like me to relieve myself?” 

“Inside my Ez. I am safe.” You sigh. 

He groans in response, enjoying that he can find release inside you and fill you up. He feels his release coming, just on the edge, a few more thrusts should do it. However, you trail your hand down and gently fondle his balls which send him over the edge. He never knew what that could do but it was just what he needed, With that he releases inside of you, filling you full of his seed. He slows his thrusts, coming to a stop. He smiles and leans down to press a gentle kiss to your lips.

“Did I ease your ache Ez?” You smirk. “Because you certainly eased mine.” 

“My ache has been utterly eased. I am forever indebted to you birdie.” He smiles. “I appreciate your care for me this eve.”

He slowly pulls out of you, seeing his seed spill out of you a bit. Getting the sheet to his cot wet. “We may need to freshen up and replace the bed. Seems we have caused a bit of a disarray.” 

“A shower would be nice. Even though my quote on quote ache has been eased… I still feel a bit sore from the dig today.” You blush. 

“A scorching shower sounds utterly astonishing to me. Plus, maybe…” He smirks. 

You roll your eyes at his comment and roll out of bed, making your way to the sectioned off bathroom in your tent to which he follows.

“We’ll have to do some harder digs in the future I guess if they lead to this…” You wink.

“Agreed.” Ezra smiles, starting the shower up to finally ease the actual ache away. Taglist: @sarahjkl82-blog @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @blackberries45 @s-unflowxr @donnaa @darnitdraco​ If you are crossed out means I could not find you to tag

[plounce]

what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out

[indiaalphawhiskey]

I respectfully disagree with your last post (as an author). I’ve been in this fandom for 6 years and noticed it’s a little bit toxic when it comes to certain issues that should be normal and obvious to anyone.

I don’t get the “I choose the people I want to take criticism from” part. Ok, so why posting your work on a public page for independent writers where every subscriber will be able to read it and comment on it? Just send it to the people whose opinion matters to you and have a discussion about your work with them. If you post your work on a public page made specifically for independent writers, you are automatically posting it for everyone on that site. And every person has opinions on things and feels invited to express it if that particular thing is public and comments are open (I’m talking about respectful opinions, not slurs and offending someone).

If it was only for you and the people you actually want to get feedback from then wouldn’t it be easier to create an “élite” group where you read your work and then discuss it together? Because your post sends a very negative and exclusionary message to people that are reading your work for the first time or without knowing you as an author. It really seems like you are saying “dear readers, your opinion doesn’t matter to me so unless it’s positive I don’t want to hear it because this fanfic was written for me and this list of people.” Then don’t post it. But why making people feel excluded or bad because they did something normal just because they didn’t know it wasn’t written “for them” as you said in your post. And constructive criticism is just an opinion too as long as it doesn’t contain vulgarities, you don’t have to listen to it. Other’s opinion shouldn’t change the way you feel about your work but you also shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable and bad for expressing it in a respectful way on a public page.

I know that authors on AO3 aren’t paid and that’s just for fun, but that’s what every page like AO3 is about: putting your work out there for other people to read with the possibility to express their personal opinion in a respectful way (I mean, you CAN disable the comments). Why making it public and then complaining and making other people feel bad for expressing their opinion on it? It’s not a diary or a personal Instagram profile.

So, first off, thank you for saying you respectfully disagree with me. I appreciate that you’re trying to be polite. 

There are many different ways I can answer this ask, because there’s a lot to discuss here, however, I’m exhausted by this conversation and have tackled it many times before, so I’ll link things when I see fit and get straight to the point.

My question for you is this: What is the purpose of you posting negative  (even though well-worded, polite, and tactful) unsolicited comments on a person’s fanfic? Why do you do it?

That’s not a rhetorical question, I really want you to think about the answer, because, for something to be called “constructive criticism” (which is specifically what we’re discussing here, versus the opposite “destructive” criticism) there has to be a point beyond just the fact that “it’s a public forum” and therefore, you feel entitled to express your opinion, whatever it may be. (That reasoning, btw, is called entitlement. No one said you weren’t allowed to have an opinion, but if you’re saying it to the author with no constructive, bettering purpose behind it, then at worst, your intent is to hurt them, which is just mean, no matter how politely you word it, and at best, you’re saying your opinions and preference take precedent over the author’s own.)

There are three reasons that I assume one can have when posting constructive criticism on work/art:

1. You want to help make them be a better writer, both now and in the future. 

I, and other fellow authors, explain why this doesn’t work here and here, and there are more posts about it like this one, if you need to hear it from voices that are not from the Larry fandom (which I assume you do, since you said this is a little bit toxic here particularly.) 

I encourage you to read all those posts, to get a better explanation in context, but the gist of them is this: for something to be truly constructive (synonym: helpful), the source, the timing, and the tact is key. Let me demonstrate: There is a difference between telling a friend while shopping, “I wouldn’t buy that dress, it’s not the most flattering on you,” and saying, while you’re out at a club, “Oh, that dress isn’t the most flattering on you, I wouldn’t wear it again.” -- Both are honest, worded politely, and both will achieve the same outcome: she will not wear the dress again -- but only one of them will cause undue stress, embarrassment, and self-consciousness (under the guise of being helpful), and that is all due to tact and timing. At the store, she can change into something else, and won’t assume you think she looks awful the entire day while you’re out. At the club, the damage is done, there is nothing she can do to change it, and you’ve just ruined her night.

The same goes for writing. I have seen people gracefully and willingly rewrite their entire first drafts based on astute and even harsh comments on their work, by their betas. I have never seen someone take down a fic and edit it based on a piece of constructive criticism given by a stranger on AO3. What I have seen based on that scenario, is people taking that criticism to heart and reflecting on whether or not they ever want to write again, because when they made themselves vulnerable, some people looked at it as an opportunity to ask for what would cater best to their own tastes, instead of appreciating the work as a true product of the author’s personal feelings and experiences. That results in less writers for the fandom, less content, and a whole lot of undue discouragement which is not something we want (nor is it actually constructive).

2. You want to engage the author in a deeper discussion of their work.

This is in direct answer to this part of your ask:

It really seems like you are saying “dear readers, your opinion doesn’t matter to me so unless it’s positive I don’t want to hear it because this fanfic was written for me and this list of people.”

You feel passionate (both positively and negatively) about my work? That’s lovely. I say, start a discussion with me. Ask me questions. Learn why I made those decisions. A discussion starts with an invitation to have a conversation (two ways, you say something, I say something, rinse repeat). It doesn’t start with “I didn’t like” or “This could have been better if”, and it certainly doesn’t start in a public forum, like the comments on AO3, where the writer runs the risk of looking like a defensive asshole. 

But India, you say, what if I don’t have the means to have a private conversation/the writer doesn’t have tumblr/they’ve long since been inactive in the fandom? The answers are, respectively: leave a polite comment asking if they’re willing to discuss, if they are willing to discuss, leave a polite comment asking how to contact them, and if they’re no longer active, find other friends with which to discuss your feelings in private.

But India, that seems like so much work. It is, flat out. But if you really felt that strongly about something I wrote, you would make that effort to understand it. Otherwise, why not just walk away?

3. You don’t know better.

I found this part of your ask extremely interesting:

“But why making people feel excluded or bad because they did something normal just because they didn’t know it wasn’t written “for them” as you said in your post.”

The reason I found it interesting is because it means that there are people who assume that all work that is public was made for them, to suit their tastes, which is, frankly, a bizarre way to consume art. I do not go into The Louvre, look at the Mona Lisa and say “I don’t see the hype, it’s not something I would hang in my living room.” I look at it and think “What does this piece say about Da Vinci and his life? What has this brought to the world? How has this helped people/art/culture?”

(No, I am in no way comparing my talents to Da Vinci, I am not delusional. But, I don’t think my work deserves any less thought than that of a professional artist, simply because I’m an amateur and it’s on the internet and not in a gallery, and you have the superpower of anonymity.) You asked me what the point was in posting my work publicly if I didn’t want to hear every single person’s personal (negative) take on it, and the answer is this: I post what I write publicly, because I hope it helps someone. I hope my thoughts, feelings, experiences, loneliness validate someone, entertain them, help them through a tough time, bring them comfort. I post because I want to invite people to lose themselves alongside me, heal alongside me, dream alongside me. 

(Notice how I said “someone” and not “everyone”. How I said “someone” and not “an élite group that discusses my work”, because yes, I do hope that my work positively impacts someone outside of my betas, my friend group. Does that mean someone can leave negative comments on my work? Yes. But should they? That’s a different question.)

I know my work won’t be a positive experience for every single person, but my goal was never to be relevant to every single person. So, my question is, if I’m not relevant to you personally -- if my work doesn’t touch you personally, heal you personally, entertain you personally, why not just walk away and find something that does? Who does your negative opinion really help? How is it constructive? What is its purpose? Why do you do it?

I will apologize for this, though: I spoke on behalf of all writers, and maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have been clear that though many writers feel this way, not all do. There are some, such as, I assume, yourself, who do view negative comments on AO3 as constructive, whether or not they are solicited, and I’m sorry to have spoken on behalf of you. However, I do still stand by this, though: it is much better to be kind than be right, and that definitely goes for comments on fic.

[shuadotcom]

content tag game

tagged by my lovelies @randombtsprincessa​ & @kkulfm​💖

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)? HAHAHA well from the top of my head, i know i’ve written for fall out boy, panic! at the disco, my chemical romance, naruto, the maine, a rocket to the moon, pierce the veil, forever the sickest kids, teen wolf, big time rush, one direction, the wanted, big bang (😬), infinite, got7, exo and that’s all i remember lol.

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? bts. at this point they’re really the only group i actively keep up with. i’ve thought about writing for seventeen since i follow them almost as much as bts, but we’ll see if i can commit to something like that lol

3. how long have you been writing? since i was like 10 i believe....nearly 20 years??? *screams*

4. on which platforms do you post your stories? tumblr & ao3

5. what is your favourite genre to write? fluff for sure. i’m a big softie at heart and there’s just something about cute times.

6. are you a pantser or a planner? definitely both, leaning more towards a planner. i outline all of my fics because tbh if i were to just wing it, i don’t think i’d be able to commit to a fic. plus i am super organized in general, so i couldn’t imagine just writing and hoping for the best. i do deviate from my outlines naturally, but i still stick to them pretty closely.

7. one shot or multi-chapter? one-shot. imagining committing to anything longer is a bit much lol. it’s a challenge enough for me to do a two-shot! (shout out to stuck part 2 coming soon 😭)

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion? lmao i couldn’t tell you. i either write 2k to 10k+ with no rhyme or reason

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete? i only do one shots now really. my longest is the most recent jungkook fic i wrote called just like the movies. as far as like a full series, i used to write on a site called mibba back in the day before coming back to tumblr and i had a couple 10+ chaptered one direction fics. they’re no longer published but those were definitely the longest.

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most? for fics i’ve already posted, i’d say it’s a tie between stuck, just like the movies, and melt my heart. stuck is fun because it’s my first two shot in years and i’m excited to finish peach and yoongi’s mini story. i love their toxic, flawed selves. just like the movies and melt my heart were just really enjoyable and fun to write!

11. favourite request you’ve written and why? i don’t write requests (yet), but a lot of people asked for a sequel to letting you go and i was already debating on doing so, but then seeing so many people want one, i decided to start outlining it. aiming to have that out before the end of the year!

12. are there recurring themes in your stories? as a person that loves friends to lovers, that’s a running theme in some of my fics lol. i also have a fear that a lot of my mcs are too similar. i try really hard to make them different from one another but i’m scared they’re not 😭

13. current number of wips? too damn many lol. i’d say at least for the wips i’m actively writing, that’d be 5 🥴

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. most fics of mine will likely have a happy ending 2. i write cliché shit and i’m okay with that lol 3. i either feel like i describe too much or too little 😂

15. a quote you like from a published story. as i mentioned above, one of my favorite fics i’ve written is just like the movies and this is one of my favorite parts from it. It’s from the confession scene!

Your best friend steps forward, his hands moving to cradle your face. “Yesterday meant everything to me, and you have no clue how relieved I am right now that you felt the same.” The two of you share a chuckle, any lingering tension now gone.

“So basically, what you’re saying is we aren’t just a ‘fake dating’ au, but we’re also an ��idiots to lovers’ au. Got it.”

16. a quote from an unpublished story. this is from watermelon sugar, which i’m trying to have posted sometime this week!

The closer he gets to you, the more his stomach flips at how good-looking you are. Your head is reclining on your tote bag, tablet in hand, earbuds in. Your sunglasses shield most of your face, but he knows all of you is equally beautiful.

When he’s finally in front of you, Jungkook waits until you notice the shadow that’s been cast over you. You pull your earbud out and put your tablet down, seeing him beaming down at you.

“Hey, I hope you’re wearing sunscreen. The sun’s pretty brutal today,” he shields his eyes and looks to the sky. “If you’re not, I’d be happy to help you out.” He meets what he believes are your eyes from the other side of your lenses, giving you the best charming smile he can muster.

You slip your sunglasses down your nose and off of your face, making Jungkook’s breath catch in his throat ever so quietly. He was right - every part of you is gorgeous and it frazzles him, just a little.

“Does that line really work?” You respond, eyebrows raised.

“I- what?” That’s not what he thought you’d say.

“I’m assuming it has since you said it with such confidence.”

Jungkook recovers as quickly as he can, clearing his throat. “I’m a confident guy, what can I say?”

“Well, keep that same confidence when you go hit on a different girl on the beach, okay? I’m sure it’ll work on one of them.” You put your sunglasses back on and move to pick your earbud back up, but Jungkook crouches down to keep talking to you. He doesn’t want to lose your attention just yet.

17. a space for you to say something to your readers. i’m bad at expressing myself in real life, so honestly just a big ol thank you to anyway that reads the jumbled stories that come out of my mess of a head!! 💖

tagging: @lilbeanin @hobeemin @kookdiaries, @ressjeon @kithtaehyung @suhdays @joheunsaram @hobiandsprite @oftenderweapons

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟕)

note: omg YALLLLL this chapter took me so long to write and was lowkey frustrating i hope y’all love ittttt 

there’s some teaaaa towards the end y’all!! and i’m soooo excited to see where their relationship goes

this is i think the longest chapter of girls on film? BEAR WITH ME!!

playlist

warnings: age gap, masturbation, sexually frustrated steve!, feelingsss <3, mentions of weed & alcohol

word count: 10.7k

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 7: 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

    "Okay, now twirl around for me a little."

Aaliyah threw her head back with laughter as she followed through with your request and spun around, her dress lifting up while she turned, a smile on her face all the while. The light hit her just right against the brick wall she was posing in front of, and you chuckled as you snapped a photo on your cheap - but functioning - camera. You paused to look through the pictures and grinned as you scrolled through the selection.

   "I keep telling you my cousin takes pictures, she could've hooked us up with a photoshoot photoshoot, like a real one."

    "I know," you grinned, speaking quietly as you were still focusing on the results of the pictures you'd just taken. "I wanna do everything myself though, you know?"

You squinted through your sunblocked eyes as you looked up at your beautiful best friend, continuing,

    "Total creative control."

Aaliyah gazed down at you in admiration, and pushed up the sunglasses that you designed,

    "That's YN for you. Independent in every way. How'd the pictures come out?"

     Aaliyah bounded up next to you, unable to contain all her excitement to see herself in your clothes. Today was the long awaited photoshoot that you and Aaliyah had been organizing for the past week, a photoshoot wherein Aaliyah modeled for your brand. You organized it together, just the two of you, and put together a plan. You were always ready to organize something, which was why you performed so well at all your jobs - student, state rep office intern, and camgirl.

    But this was more than just logic and planning, you truly put your heart and soul into this, because even though you did a lot already, you were centering your clothing brand as your main focus as the summer and graduation drew closer. After college, you'd have to figure your life out. Aaliyah would be trying her hand at med school, but with your Environmental Studies major, you didn't figure that you would be attending grad school. You could get an entry level job somewhere, a place that was similar to your job as an intern at the state rep office, because you could advocate for environmental policy there.

     Or you could continue working where you worked, but you figured after graduation it would be best to shift. You already had your own place, and had moved out of college dorms at the end of your sophomore year, so you had no reason to move. But regardless of what you ended up doing as a career, you were excited for free time to continue your clothing brand.

You had already created the website, and you were going to be putting up listings following this photoshoot in which Aaliyah modeled all the clothing you had available. This was an exciting day for both of you, you felt like you were moving into the next step of your life and Aaliyah was so glad to be supporting you. You showed her the pictures while she squealed in awe, the both of you clamoring over which ones were the best. You felt grateful for this moment, and prayed there would be more like this to come. Right now was only the beginning.

     "Issa look!" you chimed excitedly, pointing at one of the pictures of Aaliyah in a pair of distressed jeans and a tube top you had sewn.

      "YN, I'm seriously so proud of you," Aaliyah said suddenly, and more serious than usual, making you look up from the camera.

You smiled bashfully,

     "Thank you, babes."

     "No, but really though. These past few months just watching you and being your friend has been amazing. Like you've grown so much, it's crazy. And now you're here finally starting your own brand. I know we're gonna be doing different shit once college is over but I'm so excited to see what more comes out of this, and who you become."

     You nearly teared up at Aaliyah's words. She had really been by your side ever since you met, but especially over the past few months, and without even fully knowing what was going on. She might have known about your toxic ex, but you'd hardly spoken to her about Steve. Before you found out who he was, it was just a fun thing, and you only talked about it in joking spirits - but not too much, because you didn't want it to seem like it was serious. And now that you knew who he was, you didn't talk about him at all - she didn't even know that he'd ghosted you.

     But the fact that she stayed by your side all that time, watching you crumble and watching you build yourself back up again, oblivious to the entire story, made you feel so grateful for her. You had done the same for her and she would always do the same for you. The reciprocation wasn't transactional, it was mutual and out of love.

     Now you were slowly but surely moving on to the next chapters of your lives. While that wouldn't change how close you were, it would mean that you wouldn't be on the same campus day in and day out, and that could make things different. But you were glad to know you had a friend like her to hold you down.

     Days like this where you were thriving, making progress, getting shit done, were days where you felt your best.

✺ ✺ ✺

     It had been a little over a week since Steve started talking to you on Snapchat, figuring the ins and outs of the ten second videos you would send to him or post on your story, how to customize his Bitmoji to look like him (something you guided him through), and even how to send snapchats himself. You were much more advanced than him when it came to that, though, and you never failed to make fun of Steve for his lack of knowledge on how to take a proper selfie. But as much as Steve loved the fun of Snapchat and the new way to communicate with you as just you, he couldn't help but feel like there could still be more.

And again, he thought that maybe it was possible he was getting eager and hopeful to the point of illusion. Like maybe he was only feeling this way because this was all so new to him and the euphoria that came with this new, exclusive friendship was leading to delirium. But it was a small part of him that felt this way, and he had spent enough time thinking about it to have logical conversations with himself about it. He wasn't letting it drag him down, nor was he drowning in his thoughts.

    No, that was what he would've done before. Like you, he had been through some sort of growth, even while he was in the slump that was induced after he stopped talking to you. He realized it was time to stop resisting out of fear and just communicate honestly with himself what he wanted, instead of just sinking into the same cycles he used to let himself go through when he was avoiding the truth.

And so that was why despite this small thought he had, that he was going overboard because he wasn't used to this kind of situation, he didn't brush it off completely. He knew that this tugging feeling at his heartstrings was there for a reason, that if he were to ignore it, he'd either give in dangerously, or miss a beautiful opportunity.

    He was taking things slow though, which was why he wasn't just diving straight into the feelings of more intimate attraction that he knew could definitely be there if the both of you just pushed the blinds back a little. What he knew he wanted now though, was the opportunity to continue talking to you on a deeper level. Snapchat was nice, but it felt a bit artificial.

There was only so much that you could do to communicate on a real level over the internet, seeing as you lived on the other side of the country from each other. Steve might have been old fashioned for wanting more, when there was only so much he could get.

     But he felt like there was an option for even more personal interaction, though having you on Snapchat felt incredibly intimate - seeing no one else on the cam site got to see your regular life like this. He started to think about the brief conversation he had with you in which you were trying to decide how to communicate safely and personally outside of the Girls on Film site. One of the methods that came up was texting. But for the sake of safety, Steve had denied that form of communication.

     Now, though, he was having second thoughts, spurred on by a moment he caught between Natasha and Tony while he was in the meeting room going through paperwork.

They had been sitting in the meeting room too, Natasha just scrolling through one of her many phones with her feet up on the table before her, a red twizzler sitting in her mouth.

     "Mind taking your feet off the table?" Tony asked shortly, glaring at Natasha and the way she was sitting.

     "Why?" Natasha droned, eyes slowly moving to meet Tony's.

     "Uh, how 'bout because it's incredibly expensive material and I just got it professionally cleaned."

     "No one asks you to get the tables professionally cleaned you bourgeoise ass," Natasha snapped back, but she put her legs down anyways, continuing to tap away on her phone.

Steve was just regarding their snapping at each other as background music, and not really paying much attention. Natasha sighed suddenly,

     "I don't understand why it's so hard for these buyers to understand that I can't give them my real number. Like, am I giving mixed signals?"

Tony chortled at Natasha's demise. Steve knew Natasha was referring to the fact that she sometimes used a blocked number for business or personal reasons, and that when she used it, no one could see the number it was coming from. It was basically an encrypted phone number which Tony helped set up. Natasha was in the habit of building up a knife collection as a hobby. Whether or not she would put those knives to use was unknown, but it was something she was doing for the time being.

    Steve hadn't thought much about it, but now that he was hearing Natasha actually talk about texting these people, he was starting to perk up and listen to her. Inevitably, thoughts of you started to trickle into his mind. Like, if Natasha could use her phone for personal matters such as this, there was a likelihood that Steve could maybe, just maybe, do the same thing. He knew that Natasha's personal matters weren't quite the same as his own, but it was worth a try.

    "There's something about a dominant woman that men can't resist," Tony commented, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

    "You'd think the fact that I'm buying knives from them would make them a little less comfortable," she grumbled, and Tony put a supportive hand on her shoulder, patting her arm.

    "You could scare 'em off, don't worry."

    Steve was leaning forward, listening closely to the conversation now. Natasha turned her head over to Steve with a devious smirk,

     "What's up, Steve? Think you could give us some insight on this?"

She was teasing him mercilessly, alluding to that forsaken time that Steve's guilty pleasure had been broadcast on the projector during one of their meetings. That hadn't quite been forgotten yet, and still got brought up in a teasing manner, though no one could figure out why Steve became so withdrawn when it was brought up. Steve was only lucky they didn't know the full extent of his endeavors. Steve stilled slightly, but didn't retract, only replying with a stern glare at Natasha before he continued.

    "You... text these buyers?"

    "Yeah. I have like, a bunch of numbers on one phone, Tony hooked it up. And I have a bunch of other phones. It's kinda hard to keep track. The only people that really have my number are like, you two, and some other people here. But it's rare that we even text for, you know, personal, kinda recreational stuff. Unless Tony wants my opinion on what movie we should watch," Natasha shrugged.

     "Huh," was all Steve said, but he leaned back in his chair, stroking his chin slightly in contemplation.

      "By the way, why don't you ever text me? Thought we were friends, Steve," Natasha joked lightly, but Steve was already focused on furthering what was just the beginning of his idea.

     "He doesn't need to text you, you routinely save each other's lives," Tony scoffed.

      "Tony, mind if I talk to you about something? In private," Steve turned his head to Tony and locked eyes with him.

Tony just smiled and got up instantly,

     "Steve, I never thought you'd be the one asking to step into my office."

      Steve cringed, thinking back to the time when Tony had asked to step into his office and had passed on the knowledge of Girls on Film to Steve, reminiscing on Tony's immense sense of pride and his need to act as a therapist.

     "We can just talk in the hallway," Steve suggested, but to no avail, Tony shaking his head and marching up to Steve, putting his arm around his shoulder.

     "No, no, step into my office," Tony repeated, leading Steve to his office where he closed the door, and gestured for Steve to sit in front of the desk while Tony settled into his seat behind the desk. Once they got settled in, Tony just grinned at Steve. "So... you need something."

    "It was really just a simple question, we could've even talked about it in the meeting room," Steve started to stammer, feeling a little less confident in his decision to try to talk to you on a personal level.

      When he'd heard Natasha talking about how she was able to text personally through a blocked number, he started to think of you and the conversation you'd had about texting him. Snapchat had ended up being the compromise for the two of you, but Steve was beginning to think texting might be better. He loved seeing your life on Snapchat, but social media could only be so real. And Steve wanted to be able to call you and FaceTime you. He could do all those things on Girls on Film, but he was taking a break from that. Besides, it wouldn't really be a friendship if he had to pay you to talk to you.

     "Well, you're here now. Let it loose," Tony shrugged, and Steve nodded.

     "I was just wondering exactly how Nat's able to text people personally without them seeing her number. I know you're kinda the one in charge of all our technology, and hell if I know how to do it myself."

    "Done. I can walk you through it."

    "Oh, really. Just- just like that?" Steve sat up, starting to get a little excited thinking of the now possibilities.

Tony shrugged, as if it were quite simple,

    "Pretty much. You seem excited." Tony started to sound like he was catching in, leaning back in his chair and resting his chin on his palm, raising an inquiring brow. "Wanna talk to someone special?"

    "Special?" Steve nearly choked on his own words, shaking his head and lowering it, not wanting to make eye contact with Tony. "No, no... nothing like that."

He laughed nervously, both because he was a bit of a newbie when it came to lying, and because he was thinking of you, which already made him appear a little dopey. He tried to control it, but in reality, thinking of you actually made him smile. It was confusing - he hadn't felt that way before, and he definitely didn't expect it from himself. He was serious, deep into his work. And you weren't distracting him from his work, but you were making his days just a bit brighter.

     And it was something that puzzled him, delightfully. It was why he knew he had to dig deeper, not recoil and be concerned. The confusion was actually pleasant to work through. It helped him sort through his feelings, because the confusion only uncoiled to show his true feelings of desire. He figured maybe the confusion just stemmed from the fact that he never allowed himself to give into these kinds of feelings. So he didn't understand them, not quite yet.

He just knew there had to be a reason that this situation felt so unique. If he didn't give into his feelings until now, there had to be something there. It told him that he should get to know you on that level. It gave him that push to finally test out the waters. Steve Rogers, actually catching romantic feelings - it didn't even sound right, yet it was exactly what was happening. Everyday, he seemed to go even deeper.

    "Special lady?" Tony guessed, making Steve compose himself and look up, folding his arms, crossing his legs and looking dead ahead at Tony.

    He shook his head and sniffled slightly, eyes breaking away from Tony as he started to lie again, this time as best as he could,

    "No."

    "You sure about that, Cap?" Tony began to pry, one raised eyebrow at a time. "I mean, there's gotta be a reason you've been all... cute lately."

    "Cute?" Steve scoffed, furrowing his brows and looking at Tony.

Steve wasn't exactly nervous to be having this conversation, but it wasn't exactly something he wanted to entertain with Tony. Again, he was keeping you, your relationship, private. Not secret, but private. Nobody else needed to know what Steve had been getting down to, and he didn't want them knowing the specifics of it - not because he was afraid of the fact that you were a sex worker or that you were younger, but because it would be best if he didn't have to explain himself and just how he'd gotten to meet you.

    It wasn't like he was forbidden from seeing anyone, in fact it was encouraged by almost everyone that Steve knew. He just figured there might be more hubbub if he had to explain that he hadn't actually met you in real life - he didn't want his team doubting the security of the relationship you two had, or passing along premature judgments. Besides, he wasn't even fully sure himself. He was really only just now looking into the idea. He didn't want everyone in on it before he even solidified anything.

    Tony rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively,

    "You know what I mean. You've been all, you know, nice again. What's goin' on champ, you can talk to me. Who's the girl?"

Steve shook his head. Surely people had noticed his shift in character yet again, and it was becoming more prominent everyday. Tony would be the first to meddle, try to figure out why. No one knew why he'd been so moody the past few months, or why his moods would suddenly change positively. And he wasn't wrong, it was a girl. But Steve wasn't ready yet. He shook his head, denying it one last time before getting up out of his chair,

     "It's nothing like that. I do want that blocked number, though."

    "Easy."

| | |

     Tony tried to pry again later on when he showed Steve how to use his phone to block out his own number, but Steve didn't give in, he just took the phone back and closed the door to his room, logging on to Snapchat so he could talk to you.

     You replied to him quickly, his name popping up on your screen. It was funny, you went through so many names for him on Snapchat (cap, captain, Mr. America, even Mr. Rogers), but you decided to keep it simple. Like Steve, you were also keeping this private - who would you tell besides Aaliyah anyways?

It would be wise for you to keep it private, and that's what you were doing. That's why his name on your Snapchat was just: "Steve ❤️ 💙" followed by a red and blue heart. Although, true to his nature, his username was: "SG.R0818", a username he practically randomized in order to stay incognito.

    He was glad you responded fast, from that moment and onward. Even though the both of you talked to each other on the app, you each had busy schedules and different time zones. So sometimes responses were a bit laggy. Still, your conversations always felt right.

Steve ❤️ 💙 Hey, I've got something I wanted to talk to you about.

YN ♡ shoot!

Steve ❤️ 💙 I was thinking about what you said, about texting each other.

YN yeah... are you tryna say something stevie?

     Steve's upper lip curved up at the nickname. You didn't know it, or maybe you pretended not to, but it spurred something inside of him when you used any kind of nickname on him. It was just in your naturally flirty demeanor to do so, and maybe this was how you showed Steve that you saw the romantic potential as well. You both obviously did like each other as more than friends, but neither of you had really acted on that yet, and that was fine with you. Just hinting at it, slightly, and being friends, was enough. You didn't think it was that serious.

Steve ❤️ 💙 I decided that I think it would be nice for us to try to text each other. I like Snapchat, but texting is a little easier. We could FaceTime and call each other if you want. I just think it might be a little more real - well, as real as it can get over the phone.

If that's something you're comfortable with. My number would be blocked out, but you'll know it's me.

     It was a good thing that Steve couldn't hear you, because you kind of made a weird squealing noise, and threw your hand over your mouth, eyes widened. You were used to talking to him by now, but it was still quite exciting to know who you were talking to. And the idea of actually texting him, and maybe even calling him and getting to see his face outside of your cam website? It excited you.

     And it made you happy to think that he really wanted this friendship to go somewhere. You didn't know the full extent of what he wanted to do just yet, but you were glad to see that he was trying, and that he actually enjoyed talking to you enough to want to text and call you regularly. So you steadied your fingers before you typed back, hoping to show your enthusiasm through a simple Snapchat.

YN i'd love to! i'm so glad it's something you've been thinking about. i agree, it feels better to text sometimes. and it'll feel even more normal, i guess. here, i'll give you my number so you can text me.

     And from that moment on, Steve was in. He was almost giddy saving your number as a contact. For him, for the both of you, this was another step forward in your relationship. It felt like you were slowly trusting each other more and more. You had already knocked down a major wall just by talking to each other after the reveal to begin with, and by having the reveal in the first place.

      So, he was glad that this was coming into fruition. He was satisfied with this. For now. For your name, he typed in your real first name, because that was how he knew you now. And your real name would stand out less if anyone got ahold of his phone messages somehow. He started out by sending a simple text, saying hello and making sure you knew it was him. And even though his number was blocked out, it was clear as day. You were both glad to have moved on to this, to have so many forms of communication between the two of you. It didn't seem like a big deal, but considering your situation, it kind of was. The littlest steps made the room shake.

✺ ✺ ✺

    The days seemed to flow by at this point. Like, you felt like getting through life was a breeze. No unexpected storm to knock you off your smooth sailing course to greatness. You were truly moving up, on and out. You felt like now, after all the time you took for yourself to heal, all the time you spent in a sort of neutral state - not going out much, staying to yourself - you could really celebrate.

      Even though you were growing all through that neutral state, you felt like now you could finally see through all the fog that had gathered. All the uncertainty that had followed you along your path was nonexistent. You were just glad that you were back on your feet again and feeling like you could take on more new things.

    Now that you were nearing graduation, you were really just focusing on final projects and exams schoolwise. For yourself, you were starting work on your online clothing store and camming even more. And you were enjoying your life, being a normal college student, who had Steve Rogers' number. Maybe you didn't actually have his number, but that was how you were choosing to describe it. If you didn't have the discipline that you had, you would be telling everyone about this. But you weren't stupid, so you kept it all to yourself.

    You and Steve often talked late into the night, or at random times during the day. Towards nighttime, your conversations often became a bit deeper, the kind of conversation that would've scared Steve off a while ago. But he was becoming more comfortable with you, and you could tell. You were moving slowly so as to be careful, but you didn't feel like you had to. You just figured it would be wise. But these deep conversations touched on the topics that you hadn't been able to get into that time when Steve left so abruptly.

    When the stars were peering into your bedroom window late at night, that was when you opened up about your past love life. He listened to you talk about your ex, give all the details about it, and he listened to you talk about how much healing it took you to get out of the nasty habits that had developed all through your life, but especially when you were with your ex. How you learned to be more independent, how you learned not that you couldn't trust, but that you had to be mindful about your relationships. You had always been driven, but especially after that mess of a situation.

    Your whole life you'd been surrounded by this sense of needing more in some way. Your parents were loving, but they didn't always show it - they supported you mostly, but there was no way you could really show them who you were, not entirely. There was always this air of dismissiveness that came from them, and you had never been close to either of them, not the way other kids were.

So you knew what it was like to be grasping for something, anything. You just wanted love in its unconditional form, you wanted a life that wasn't hindered by those around you.

   Sometimes this made your life even harder, because you found yourself doing things for people who didn't deserve it, hoping that they might see how much you were willing to do for them and maybe even reciprocate. But these days, your want, your human need for love and emotional support just pushed you further, blocked out the people who you didn't really need, and attracted you to the lifestyle that you deserved. And you turned out alright, but it took a lot to keep going. You buried yourself in work which you genuinely enjoyed. You tried new things, you moved out on your own, you created your own sturdy relationships. You knew how to make a pathway out of a rocky road. You were just glad that you felt like you were gliding through your life nowadays, and that the ship was sailing smoothly.

Steve was one of the people who you felt like the universe had somehow brought to you for a positive reason.  A strange and random decision, but positive, nonetheless. You thought of how odd the circumstance was and you figured, it must have been destined. You were glad to be having these kinds of conversations with him.

And you were also glad that you had the beach. California wasn't California without its lustrous, beautiful, palm tree filled beaches. You were on your way to one with a few friends right now, on a weekend with no classes, celebrating after an intense study week, preparing for finals. The radio was blaring, the windows turned down, the warm and salty sea breeze blowing in through the open windows.

     Around you was sort of this happy blur. You absorbed it, being jostled around by your friends dancing beside you, Aaliyah right by your side. You were laughing and smiling, a bottle of Capriccio's Sangria to your lips, babbling along to the song on the radio.

    "Y'all are way too hype right now," your friend Violet joked from the front passenger seat, sat next to her boyfriend Luke, who was the designated driver.

She was met with a chorus of voices singing along to the radio song, and just rolled her eyes playfully, laughing. It felt good to finally be celebrating, especially since you'd been very focused on school for the past week. The beach was one of your favorite places to be - you felt so much at home. You grew up surfing all through middle school and high school, and this area was quite popular for surfboarding, so you were giddy at the thought of that. The beach felt like home to you, a California native.

    Sure, it wasn't all sunshine and ocean waves, but you were pretty much the epitome of a California girl, and proud. So for you, it was a lot of sunshine and ocean waves. You felt a strong connection to this place, but you were always willing to explore. It was why you were so attached to traveling and hiking.

    "YN, you look literally so pretty today," your friend Cameron complimented you as you held up your phone, taking a very impromptu selfie.

Your closed, glossy lips were turned up in a smile, your cheeks full and eyes slightly glazed over from the combination of a shared joint and the liquor you'd been drinking on the way.

    "Cam," you pouted, leaning over and kissing their cheek. "You're literally so pretty, everyday."

You cooed over each other while you pressed send on your selfie, sending it to Steve on Snapchat with no caption.

    "Girl, who are you sending that to?" Aaliyah grinned devilishly, peeking over your shoulder as she caught your screen out of the corner of her eye.

Before she could see, you shut off the phone and narrowed your eyes at her playfully, poking your tongue out at her,

     "Nobody!"

     She smiled but didn't seem fully convinced, pointing at you,

      "It better be me. I need a new lock screen."

      "Oh, you flatter me," you teased, smiling and sitting back, laying your head on Aaliyah's shoulder and your legs across Cameron's lap, sitting in this blurry, noted happiness.

      You weren't thinking, you were just living in the moment, enjoying the smell of the ocean waves as you drifted closer to the scorching shore, focusing on the light scratch of acrylic nails massaging your scalp, the touch of a friend's arm resting over your bare legs, clad in shorts with a bikini bottom underneath, and a discarded shirt tied around your waist as you lay in your bikini top. You didn't know how your mindless selfie would inspire a confession.

✺ ✺ ✺

    "Finally, you dweebs chose a movie," Nat grunted as she sat down in between Steve and Sam, sprawling out and kicking her legs up on Sam's lap.

    "Not sure when I became your body pillow," Sam made a face at Nat, but he made no effort to push her away, his comment only making Tony scoff,

    "You're saying you wouldn't want that?"

    "Don't be a perv, Tony," Wanda reprimanded him, and he made a face, feigning innocence,

    "What? Is it so wrong to cuddle with a friend?"

    "I'm not understanding," Vision commented.

    "Can we just start the movie?" Bucky whined through his laughter.

Steve was entertained by the conversation, but he had other things on his mind. Well, really just you. Steve thought about you everyday. You came across his mind whether he meant for you to or not. Sometimes he saw something and thought of you, because he was learning something new about you everyday, ever since adding you on Snapchat. He learned these little things about you through your Snapchat stories, and you'd been texting each other every day since he got your number.

     He also learned things about you that weren't so little, and whenever you shared those things about yourself, he made sure to pay attention. When you shared these things with Steve, he found himself being mindful of what he said and how he replied - mindful instead of careful or hesitant. He was learning to absorb your words and turn them over in his mind. He was making an effort to try and understand you in the things you said that exposed your little quirks, your core beliefs, your history.

    He appreciated how open you were being with him, and he understood how he had a responsibility, being who he was, to keep you feeling secure enough to share these things, to constantly make it clear that he understood, or at the very least, that he was listening. He just wished he had more time to flesh it out, to talk these things out over the phone instead of over text, or even in person, something that he knew wouldn't be possible.

    And even though he felt so much closer now that he had your number, he couldn't help the small tugging inside of him that told him he'd be wanting more- and he couldn't figure out what "more" would look like for the life of him. You were so beautiful, it was overwhelming, and you gave Steve constant reminders of your beauty in every text, every goodnight selfie, every story you shared. Everyday he was falling harder for your beauty, inside and out.

     It was lighthearted still. It didn't feel serious because the idea didn't make him feel unsettled, it didn't make him recoil in fear. But it had the potential to be serious, without all the negative dread that usually came with realizations such as this. He was just flirting with the idea of forging this romantic connection with you, but this tugging in him was now asking him when? When would he tell you how he felt, when would it get to the point where he needed to tell you? For now, Steve was just living through it, letting himself be free and happy in the moment.

     He was satisfied with what he had now, when it came to you. He'd already taken the next step by getting your number and finding out even more ways to communicate with you outside of the site. He didn't want to feel ungrateful for wanting even more, for even entertaining the idea of telling you how he was feeling, especially when it wasn't anything deadly serious yet.

    He knew he liked you, the fact was clear as day. He knew the way he liked you had the potential to be romantic, otherwise he wouldn't be thinking about you this often, and he wouldn't be seeing you in such a beautiful light. He felt lighter on his feet any time you came into his mind, and in his mind, there was a golden aura around you, around everything you did.

The fact that he saw you in this way made him think hard. Would he feel even more than he was feeling? Would it become enough that he would have to tell you? And he wondered, if, and only if, he did announce it - when would that point come? He was in a daze, leaning back on the couch, his phone in his hand while he waited for the movie to start up.

     "What are we watching, again?" Nat called out, cupping her hands over her mouth.

     "Star Wars: A New Hope," Tony smirked, satisfied with the movie choice.

     "Is that the one with the dog monster?" Rhodey made a face, shaking his head slowly. "Not a huge fan."

     "Pretty sure his name is Chewbacca," Bucky corrected Rhodey, and Sam cackled, clapping in satisfaction.

     "The senile knows more about one of the most iconic movie franchises than you," he teased. "How does that work?"

Steve just shook his head and smiled, turning his head to Bucky who was talking to him,

    "You ever seen Star Wars?"

    "No, but I'm pretty sure Sam recommended it," Steve smiled lazily.

    He hadn't quite updated Bucky on his status with you, but they had talked about it briefly since the time Bucky had given Steve the advice that helped push him to talk to you again. Steve was purposefully very vague during the talk with his best friend, but he made it clear that things were patched up. Bucky probably could've figured it out before anyone else, could've made the connection between Steve and Moonrose first, because Steve had given him the most information about it.

    "It's pretty good, I've seen the prequels - that guy Darth Vader, he was actually pretty hot before he turned. You'll see, we should watch all the movies together," Bucky explained simply and carefully, as if it were common knowledge to him.

Steve was laughing, shaking his head.

    "Sure pal," he was beginning to say, before he diverted his attention to his phone as a notification lit up his screen. It read: Snapchat: YN. His eyes lit up, and he tried to hide his excited reaction as he opened the picture from you. And when he did, he wasn't ready for what he was seeing.

    You sent Steve a lot of pictures, and he thought you were gorgeous in all of them, even the ones with the filters that made your face look all distorted. But something was different about this picture, the vibes it gave off. He felt the same way he felt when he would watch your shows - like he was there with you, because he could feel your happiness emanating through the screen.

He felt like if he looked at it long enough, he might be there with you. And everything about this picture was glowing, especially you - it screamed young, college girl having the time of her life, and that made him feel so happy for you.

    And it also stirred a feeling in him, something that hadn't been awoken for a long time.

    Upon viewing the image, he immediately cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably because of the growing tent in his pants, trying to hide his phone screen so no one would look.

    The picture was so simple. You were in a car, sun shining through the windows, the light hitting you just right, and you were smiling. But Steve was hyperfocused on the way you had obviously been basking in the sun, the glow clear on your face. Your skin was dewy and fresh, and your lips were sheen in a pink gloss that only called more attention to them. Your hair seemed wild around your shoulders, but it only made you look more appealing, more free spirited.

And again, you'd sent him so many pictures like this, but for some reason, this photo in particular was somehow arousing everything in him. You were so beautiful it hurt- he felt a pang in his chest, and the sudden growth in his pants didn't assist with the pain.

   Your eyes, though vibrant and youthful, were glazed over, and all Steve could think of was how they looked when you blinked away tears after an intense orgasm. He thought about your soft, luscious lips against him, but this time he was thinking about what it might be like to kiss your lips, tainted with red.

And to add insult to injury, you were wearing a tight bikini top, and the picture cut off just where your breasts started to show, peeking out through the white fabric, the thin white strings against your sun kissed shoulders holding them up - just barely. He felt so fucking stupid. Like he shouldn't be feeling so much because of a simple image. But whatever was happening, this picture was stirring up something inside of him that he couldn't ignore. This had to be taken care of.

    He sat up immediately, trying to use his shirt to cover his boner, feeling juvenile and lightheaded, even a little giggly.

    "You okay?" Bucky asked, glaring up at Steve in concern - he'd been talking, but Steve seemed distracted suddenly.

    "Mhm," was all Steve could strain out from his throat.

    "What the hell, Steve? I'm about to show you one of my very favorite films and this is the reception I receive?" Tony barked, offended.

     "I've been telling you, that superserum is wearing off," Sam joked, something him and Tony loved to say when Steve acted out of character - like the times when Steve got caught smiling for no reason - or just whenever Steve annoyed Tony.

     "I- just- I'll be right back," Steve stammered, flustered, then he carefully walked out of the theater room and out of sight.

    It had been over a month since Steve had left and came back to you. In that period of time, he had been gloomy, neutral, then back to being light on his feet again, one after the other. And he hadn't viewed any of your content since then. A few times he tried to get himself off, but it was worth nothing. He could barely guide himself, and he didn't want anybody else to assist him the way you had, it was one of the things that made you so special.

So his attempts to satiate his pleasure came in the form of witless, rough jerks that didn't even get him anywhere near that point. And each time, he was back to thinking about you, but the thoughts could only get him so far.

    But now that you were friends again, Steve didn't let himself think of you in that way. Or, he tried not to. But this picture, for some reason, just reversed everything he was trying to avoid. He tried to understand his reaction in the short amount of time that he quickly walked to his room, trying and failing to ignore the stone hard bulge hanging in his loose grey joggers.

    Thinking, as straight as he could, he figured that his senses were overrun from thinking of how much he might like you and then having to see such a vivacious picture from you. It felt like a sign that it was time to finally fulfill the pleasure he'd been putting off. It was too much for him to handle- your beauty, the domesticity of the happy picture, in combination with his doting thoughts of you. And maybe he'd already been a little distracted to begin with, needing some form of release. It had been a very long time since he'd allowed that for himself.

     "Calm down, Steve," he muttered to himself, forcing a smile at Pepper, who was walking past him.

He finally got to his room and closed the door behind him, falling back onto his bed immediately. As he fiddled with the drawstrings on his sweatpants, he brought his phone up to make sure the image of you was still there. When he saw it still there on his screen, he sighed in dismay, thinking of what he was doing.

     He was almost embarrassed that you brought him to that point without even trying, arching his back off the bed to remove his sweats fully. He brushed it off and breathed out, eyes honing in on the image as he began to palm himself over his boxers. He groaned, feeling a sense of sweet relief already, just from his hands gently palming himself.

    He briefly thought back to the times when he had tried to get off by himself, tugging to no avail. This wouldn't be like those times. This would be gentle, and he already knew, by the burning feeling in his stomach, that it would bring him pleasure. He dipped his hand inside of his boxers, carefully guiding himself out. His hard length fell hard against his stomach and he grunted from his throat, his jaw ticking as he took himself in his hand and began to stroke slowly, breathing heavily through his nose like a routine.

    He was looking at the picture of you, but his mind began to wander to other things- flashbacks of you helping him get to that point through the screen, a sensation neither of you had experienced in quite a long time.

    "Fuck," he practically whimpered, the words spilling out of his throat so uncontrollably as he choked them out.

    He was missing those times dearly. As much as he was able to view you as a friend, nothing would compare to the way you made him feel. He didn't have you here to guide him at the moment, and for good reason - he didn't want you to, not now. You were trying to be friends for the time being, retain some sense of normalcy.

But, if you were there to guide him, he wouldn't complain. And even in this moment which was so unholy, he felt delicate, the light of the spring sunshine streaming through the window blinds and curtains, splayed across his room, painting the light blue walls with a sheen of pale yellow.

    At some point, he really wasn't even looking at the photo anymore, just focusing on the sensations and the visions of you that his mind made up. His eyes were closed, head to the side, his arm against his forehead. In his ears he heard your voice gasping out his name while you came, in his mind he pictured your slick pooling out of you as you finally removed your fingers, breathing heavily from an orgasm. Sure, you had been performing for him, but that didn't mean it wasn't truth. The sounds and images he imagined made him stroke himself quicker, pumping harder and faster than the slow, delicate strokes he'd started with. He tried to calm himself down, but the pleasure was unbeatable. He switched from those fast tempo strokes to the gentle strokes that felt so tantalizing. Your voice was fresh in his mind - but it wasn't all devilish. It came in your laughter, the sound of your voice as you sang along to a song on the radio and posted it on your story. Then it came with deep bass, the sound of you urging him to come, pleading him to come with you.

     The image of your eyes was prominent in his mind, coming in waves. Sometimes they came in strong, fierce tides as he pictured your eyes, staring into the computer screen while you wrapped your lips around a toy that you used to substitute for him, because he couldn't be there, but it felt so much like he was. Then sometimes they came in undulating, passionate waves as he pictured the crinkles that formed around your eyes when you smiled, the way you batted your lashes on screen.

   It was strange to have such fluctuating thoughts of you, ranging from filthy to innocent. Usually the thoughts when he was getting off were just filthy. This was new, and it seemed to pleasure him even more just to think of your smile, your innocent eyes. What was going on? He couldn't quite figure it out, nor did he care to in the moment. The thought of you, Moonrose, YN, and he came undone.

    He came groaning and panting heavily, weeks of unmet release painting his stomach and legs. His chest trembled as he took one last breath, took his hand off his eyes, and peeked out the window blinds at the dazzling, bright city just outside. He cleaned up silently, not thinking much because his mind was too excited to let him think.

And there were so many questions that lay unanswered: "why was he able to get himself to that point just by the thought of you?" "why had the thoughts been so strangely innocent and new?" And most of all, why did he even feel this way because of you?

    Then once he was all cleaned up, changing boxers in the bathroom, he took a good look at himself in the mirror, and the clarity hit. Firstly, he realized of course, he had to tell you. It wasn't like Steve to behave this way so suddenly and he felt like it was something he had to tell you. He hoped he wasn't being disrespectful, hoped what he had done wasn't weird. But he didn't let himself worry about that too much.

But not only did he have to tell you what he'd done, he realized he had to tell you how he felt. He had been wondering if it would get to the point that he would feel strongly enough about you that he had to tell you, and this incident seemed to be proof enough.

    All his sudden arousal, while valid and likely rooted in a need to get himself off, just meant one thing. He wasn't just frustrated sexually. His senses were running amok because he knew he liked you, and yet he wasn't expressing that fully. And maybe this release was what he needed to realize that. The feelings were only getting stronger and stronger with no real output. They made him happy, nearly giddy with excitement, but with nowhere to store it. He could have a crush and keep it that way, but Steve liked to find solutions. If he wasn't serious about you, maybe he'd keep it that way, with no outputs and no solutions.

     He was keeping something to himself, and it wasn't fair to him, nor was it fair to you. He felt so unhinged now because he wasn't realizing that yes, there would be a point when he had to tell you how he he felt. All of that frustration was built up tension physically and emotionally, just boiling inside of him.

All of the excitement, confusion, and intrigue he felt towards the prospect of maybe liking you romantically, of taking that step to a real relationship, had boiled over. He wasn't realizing that he had to tell you sooner than later. This was more than just a release. It was more like an epiphany.    

    And while the realization may have been sudden, he had done his thinking long and hard, even before he started talking to you like this. He could wait and milk over it for a little while longer, or he could tell you, and soon. But even though he knew he had to tell you, he had to choose the right moment. At least now he knew he had to tell you at all, instead of spending too much time wondering whether he even should, wondering if what he was feeling was real.

     Maybe it would be different if he got off to you and it was purely sexual. But this was more than that. He was genuinely overwhelmed by your beauty, inside and out. The thought of that was what brought him to orgasm. All those lighthearted, innocent thoughts of you made Steve feel so strongly, in both a physical and emotional sense.

     It was why he'd had an emotional response to the picture first, then a physical response. He thought of all the times he'd looked at pictures you sent with a smile, and felt genuine happiness bubbling up inside of him. No one else did that to him.

      If what had just happened said anything, it said that his feelings for you were real, they weren't just born out of naivety or because of the fact that Steve had never felt something like this before. It wasn't just about the sexual gratification or the physical, it was about why he felt so strongly towards you at all. If he could stir up these kinds of emotions, this kind of confusion, just by thinking about you, just by looking at you? He'd be surprised if it was all for naught.

✺ ✺ ✺

    You were surprised when Steve asked to FaceTime you that weekend. You were clueless about the events and feelings that had spiraled for Steve since you sent that picture, and thus curious to see what he was going to talk to you about. It had been a little over two weeks since you'd started talking to Steve ever since he showed you who he was, and you were so comfortable with each other already.

    Steve gave himself some time before he decided it was time to tell you. He knew he had to, but he was giving himself time to think it out, to decide whether or not this was really of the importance that he was holding it to, to decide, and really decide, if it would just be getting in the way of a good thing. But after much contemplation, he knew it wasn't a waste, especially because he didn't feel sick when he thought about it - aside from the butterflies.

    You on the other hand, were clueless. But you were excited. He was so formal and so busy that he scheduled a call. He also kept your schedule in mind. You had just finished finals and you were about to close up with school, a fact which you kept forgetting and surprising yourself with when you remembered. So, mindful of that and mindful of his own schedule, Steve made sure the time would be good for the both of you.

     And when the time came, you were excited. You hadn't heard Steve's voice conversationally in a long time, because texts and Snapchat weren't really built for that. And whatever it was he wanted to talk about, you were excited to hear, and you were glad that he was the one initiating these things all the time.

It made you feel like he really put effort into the friendship you were building, curating slowly like a sacred collection in a language only the two of you knew. You felt so close to him in such a short amount of time, but it made sense because you had known him for a long time - but you were only just now getting to know him.

    You got all cute for the call, because why wouldn't you? You were attracted to Steve and you couldn't lie and say that you didn't feel all girly at the thought of getting even closer to him, being more than friends. Like a little crush was budding, but it was playful and innocent. You felt like he was such a good example of the perfect man, and you were so glad to call yourself your friend. In Steve's eyes, it wouldn't take much effort for you to look pretty anyway, but you got all dolled up because you wanted to.

You were wearing a simple white dress that you made, and you put on just a pinch of makeup. You were sitting on top of your kitchen counter by the window, sunlight and a nice breeze trickling through your apartment when the call came in. It felt surreal to see his name on the screen each time, no matter how used to him you became.

    "Steve!" you exclaimed as soon as you picked up the call.

Finally you could see him face to face through the screen again. It reminded you of your times together on Girls on Film, but the circumstances were much, much different.

    Steve, once again, was struck with your beauty, and he felt his knees go weak just at the sound of your voice. This was no mistake.

     "Hey," he grinned, genuinely from ear to ear.

You both wanted to bask in the moment, talking to each other live, after quite some time. Steve wasn't showing it now, but he was nervous. Again that just told him he was making the right decision in telling you this. He was getting worked up over what to say to you, and you seemed so calm and control. Unbeknownst to him, you were also a little jittery, all for good reasons. It was just so exciting and nerve wracking to truly see him and hear his voice again, to truly talk to him.

       "You look so beautiful," he complimented you, his voice going a bit deeper, his eyes glistening as he took you in. You were basking in the sun, the sun's rays seemed to want to be around you, you drew them towards you.

     You blushed and smiled,

     "Thank you! You look really nice too."

      You giggled, becoming bashful as he smiled gently, and he continued,

     "How have you been? Finals over yet?"

    "Yeah, I just finished. It's weird, there's really not much else to do. We have one more week of classes to kind of just wrap everything up, but it's pretty much done," saying it out loud made you think of it again, gave you that weird feeling that everything really was about to be over. You would graduate in a few weeks, and start your life.

    It was crazy, four years had gone by so fast, but they had been so lovely. Your college experience was the most formative part of your life. You'd moved on from your life at home, gotten out of an abusive relationship, met your closest friends and gotten even closer to your best friend, started a brand, got your own apartment. started camming. You had really found your life. And you found Steve. It was crazy to think of, that in just a few weeks, that experience would be over with.

     "You okay?" Steve chuckled, because he noticed the deep sigh that you let out as you thought about it all. You were of course glad to move on with your life, but it made you think.

     You laughed too, shaking your head,

    "Yeah, sorry."

    "Don't be. What's on your mind?" he asked, leaning into the camera, making you feel like he was there with you.

    You grinned, glad that you could talk about this in such a way, without feeling the need to break down or be upset. You were simply moving on to the next stage in your life, and you couldn't be more excited.

      "I guess I'm just thinking of how crazy it is that I'm finally going to be finished with college. Like, I'm not going to any more school after this. When you've been in school your whole life, it's..."

      "I get it. It's like coming to something you're not used to, but it's just normalcy."

     "Yeah," you shrugged. "You know that better than anyone else, I bet."

   Steve laughed - it was true. He had to get used to things that everyone else found normal. He felt so out of place. These days he was getting used to it all, but certain things still surprised him or made him think he didn't completely fit in. It was part of the reason he hadn't given in to what he wanted with you, not completely, at least.

Because if he didn't fit in to the world around him, he figured he wasn't ready for a relationship. But maybe that was just what he needed to fit in better, to get along better. It wasn't fair to him to resist something he truly wanted because he felt like he didn't fit in. It was silly.

    "It comes and goes. But hey, I'm glad we're talking."

     "Yeah, me too," you smiled, and you bit down gently on your lip, furrowing your brows together out of curiosity. "Hey, you said you wanted to talk about something?"

     You watched as Steve seemed to brace himself, but you couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of thoughts swarming his mind right now. He was nervous for good reason. He had never expressed romantic feelings for someone before, which was also a reason that he took so long to give in, took so long to realize it was time to express those feelings. He felt innocent and small, almost timid. He had spent so long formulating his thoughts and what he would tell you, exactly how he would announce these feelings for you.

    "Yeah, I uh..." Steve folded his hands and just let himself try to focus and calm himself down. It worked, and he relaxed, enough to actually speak at least. "Listen, I've been thinking about this since we started talking. I think maybe I've always known it, but I'm only just realizing I should tell you about it."

"Yeah?" you prodded him, getting a little nervous yourself, only because the last time Steve got into a speech like this, you found out that he was Captain America. You wondered what else he could possibly have up his sleeve.

"Well, I should tell you that I've always resisted when it comes to you... to this. And I want you to know why. I think I just haven't felt this way for someone in a very long time, and it's never been like this. And I was afraid because we didn't know each other and being the person that I am, I just felt like I wasn't allowed to feel the way I was feeling. Like I shouldn't, like it might be dangerous or like I couldn't trust you fully. It's why I left. It's why I took so long to realize this."

     Your cheeks were heating up the more he spoke, your mind buzzing with ideas. You wondered exactly what he was getting to, but for some reason the butterflies in your stomach grew stronger. You started to stammer, wanting him to get to the point,

    "Steve, I-"

    "I'm getting there, just..." he took in a deep breath. It was time to finally say it. He was trying to explain himself, but started stumbling on his words. "It's um... it's hard for me to say things like this. I-I guess I never really have. I just- I... I... sorry, I'm—"

       Steve pinched his eyes with his fingers, shaking his head. It was endearing how it was hard for him to spit the words out- Captain America, stumbling over his words while he spoke to you.

    "Take your time," you giggled a bit, and the calm of your voice brought Steve back down to earth.

     "Gee, I guess I'm not that great with words. What I'm trying to say is — I like you. And I don't just like you, I mean, I have feelings for you. And I know we're trying to be friends and I'm happy with that, being your friend has been an honor to me. We've created a connection that is completely new to me— I've never known somebody the way I know you. But, I think... I think there's more there. I think that we both know that there could be more there. I don't know what that looks like, or if telling you will really change anything, considering our situation. But I see you as more than a friend. And it's about time I told you."

    Steve looked up, catching your reaction just in time. And to his relief, he felt confident in his confession. He didn't regret it, there was no reason to hide away, to cloak himself in fear. Yeah. It was about time he told you.

[iggy-of-fans]

Of being a Ladybug

So this one will Hopefully be a little less angst and a little less salt buy still a good read. Hope you enjoy!

Cons of being a Ladybug

There are a lot of things about being Ladybug that made Marinette's life difficult. The fact she always got sleepy in winter, the fact that the cold affected her more strongly than before. The way she never got enough sleep because she had to patrol. Having to deal with Chat Noir and his tantrums and flirting. The way she sometimes had to ditch her other responsibilities in favour of fighting Akumas. Hawkmoth. But right now, the thing that got to Marinette the most was that she couldn't call Lila out. Being Ladybug, a hero, meant she couldn't use being Ladybug for selfish reasons. She'd learned her lesson the last time, and in the end it hadn't even been worth it. But as Marinette, she could at the very least gather some evidence, just in case she made good on her threat. Adrien may think taking the high road was best, but Marinette could see the damage she was subtly dealing to Alya, and also to the others, a toxic kind of take and never give mentality growing in the class in the week since her return. Little things, like Kim asking to copy Max's homework instead of simply getting help with his dyslexia, Alix getting annoyed at Nathaniel for paying more attention to the art than to her when they'd hung out last, Mylene getting frustrated and feeling neglected when Ivan took her to practices instead of dates. Things that had never bothered any of her classmates before were starting to cause rifts and fights. Lila wasn't the best liar, anyone could figure her out with half a brain cell and a smartphone. Her power really came in manipulating situations in her favour, her ability to cry on command and have people feel sorry for her. But her ability to read people was her only real genius. She always knew just which buttons to push to make people feel guilty, insecure or "righteous" fury. So it was subtle, but the classroom was becoming toxic to be in. Marinette, being so giving and kind, was the most taken advantage of.

But as it turned out, Marinette didn't really have to do anything at all. Alya did the work of outing Lila by posting an interview on "The Amazing Lila Rossi, the New Every Day Ladybug and Ladybug's best friend!"

Marinette felt bad for Alya, but also a bit vindicated, since maybe this might finally teach her to fact check. Marinette crossed her fingers in hope of Alya getting off with a slapped wrist and sent the video to Penny Rolling and the Italian embassy general e-mail. It was Sunday night, at least she wouldn't have to wait long to see the results.

Monday morning burned bright with hope, as Marinette saw a special interview announced from Jagged Stone, Clara Nightingale, Prince Ali and several other names Marinette didn't recognize. Nadja Chamak was not going to be hosting though, as several people being interviewed had complained about "unprofessionalism" of the Parisian News anchor. Marinette shrugged, at least she wouldn't have to babysit. She went to school, hearing whispers of LadyBlog being shut down by Officials due to inaccurate information. Marinette sagged slightly, 'that sucks', she thought. She'd hoped Alya wouldn't be too badly affected. Suddenly a shadow fell over her and she looked up to the frowning face of Adrien Agreste.

"Adrien! Morning good! Good Morning! Hi!" Marinette stuttered.

"Did you have anything to do with the LadyBlog being shut down?" Adrien asked, his eyes spelling disappointment.

"What? It's being shut down? Why? And what do you mean me? What power do I have over anyone, let alone Alya to shut that down?" Marinette asked, a negative feeling travelling down her spine. What the hell was Adrien on about?

He smiled reassuringly suddenly," You're right. What was I thinking. You may be our everyday Ladybug, but it's not like you have the influence to get a free blog shut down."

Adrien smiled, patted her shoulder, and walked past her towards the classroom. Marinette stood frozen. Did… Did Adrien think… Did he think she was… Worth less? Because she wasn't rich? She stood there past the final ring of the bell, until Tikki popped her head out.

"Marinette, are you okay?" she asked quietly. She was highly dissatisfied with Adrien at the moment, but needed to focus on her own charge.

"Am I… Did Adrien… I thought he was better than that…. But… He actually thinks because… That because I'm not rich, that I have no power…?" sheshe frazed it like a question, but Tikki and Marinette both knew the truth.

"You should get to class, Marinette" Tikki said instead. Shaking herself, Marinette started walking, only for the alarms to start.

"Tikki, spots on!" Marinette shouted, and took off towards the sounds of crashes.

Alya woke up Monday morning excited to see the result of her post the night before. She'd worked with Lila all weekend to get it perfect and now the fruits of her labour would be sewn. She opened the blog and stopped. Yesterday, before posting the video, she'd had 675 followers. This morning, only 231 people were left. She scrolled to the comments.

"Oh yes, I saved Jagged's non-existent cat, from his non-existent private jet, on a tarmac which civilians aren't allowed onto. And I came to Paris months after Ladybug started saving Paris, but I was supposed to be the original and I just recommended my friend instead!... Yeah right! Who the hell believes this crap? "

" my favorite line in this video is where she claims to have grown up as jagged stones favorite person, but doesn't even get his home city right!"

" oh ladybug totally loves chat, she just wants to keep it on the dl. {attachment} this video taken a couple weeks ago while chat threw a tantrum cause she refused to go on a date with him"

"Clara Nightingale and I were ACTUALLY in the same dance class, and I don't remember a sausage with a mouth being in that class"

"if ladybug can heal her supposed tinnitus, why isn't she curing cancer?"

The comments continued along that line when suddenly a loading error came up. Alya scowled and reloaded the page, only for a [401: error. The page you are trying to load no longer exists]. Alya paled.

"No! No no no no no no no no!" she chanted as she tried to reload it, and then tried to go in to check the coding. Everything was shut down. Alya started to tear up. This couldn't be happening! She was sure Lila wasn't a liar. Marinette just didn't like not being the center of attention, just as Lila said. Marinette just, just this once, couldn't find the good in a person, but Laya could. Alya opened Google and looked up 'Jagged Stone pets', 'Jagged Stone cat', 'Clara Nightingale dance school', 'Prince Ali charity foundation', and finally 'Lila Rossi'. The only thing that came from the search was that Alya felt like a total idiot for not believing Marinette. And an Italian school site. She clicked it and had Google translate the page.

"STUDENT COMMITS SUICIDE AFTER SEVERE CASE OF BULLYING"

The name of the victim was never released, but schools in Italy were all warned about Lila Rossi. According to the article, this should be in her school files… Why did Mlle. Bustier not warn them? A knocking on the front door distracted Alya from her screen.

"EXCUSE ME?!" Alya's mother screamed, and Alya bolted to the door. Her mother rounded on her the second she opened the door.

"Alya! What is the meaning of this? You're being sued for misinformation and defamation and slander!" her mother continued, holding papers in the air and waving them about. Even still in her housecoat with messy hair, her mother struck a terrifying picture. Alya shrunk in on herself. There would be no sneaking out of this one.

Rose looked at her phone again, her eyes dim and her head bowed. Phrases like "I have never heard of this girl before", and "if this is the type of persons you surround yourself with", "Perhaps I was mistaken in trusting you", and most hurtful of all "This is the last time you will hear from me" jumped out of the email at her from Prince Ali. She had been so excited in her last message to him, telling him how Lila had told her of their adventure together, and Lila was giving her such good advice on her singing, dancing, songwriting and more. Her email had burst with praise from and for Lila, and wanting to hear Ali's version of events as well. Usually he emailed back within a few hours, but this time it had taken over a week to hear back from him. In the email he had sent, was an attachment to Alya's interview of Lila and a short message, saying only that he had never met Lila Rossi, and he'd thought Rose was smarter than to believe everything she heard, and if she kept that kind of company and believed such outrageous lies then perhaps he shouldn't have contact with her anymore, since she was seemingly too gullible and too naïve to take his friendship seriously. Tears dripped down her cheeks onto her phone. Why was Marinette always right about these things.

Jagged Stone watched the video that Marinette had sent to Penny on his big screen in his suite in Paris. He was not at all impressed with her obvious name dropping, made up stories of her greatness, and claiming he'd written a song about her. Marinette's short message of "HI Penny, I understand you and Jagged are crazy busy, but this interview ended up on my friend's website, and I just couldn't ever remember Jagged mentioning a pet other than Fang. I've even looked at some older interviews where he said he'd hatched and raised Fang when Jagged was only 15! I have no idea where this girl is getting her information, but I didn't want you to think that all of Paris had completely lost their minds and thought this heads up might put you in a better space to deal with weird questions if they ever come up. - Love, Marinette"

Jagged listened to the little chit on the screen claiming shevd received tinnitus from saving his cat. Geez! Did this girl have any idea the kind of implications this could have on his musical career?! The hell is wrong with kids today? And the girl interviewing her never even checked her sources? Poor Marinette, stuck with such complete idiots and liars. He really should try to talk Sabine into letting him take Marinette on tour with him again. This was getting ridiculous. He frowned even harder when Clara Nightingale was accused of "being jealous and stealing" sausage girls dance moves. He started feeling his blood boil slightly as he distantly heard Penny shouting into a phone for lawyers and interviews and "gosh darn it, anyone but some idiotic French Anchor". He honestly wasn't sure which of them was more pissed. Himself or his fiancée.

Clara Nightingale broke her phone on the far wall of her apartment. Two decades of dance and singing lessons, of poetry and practice and some little chit half her age thinks she can tell people that she stole it? Tears at the corners of her eyes, she was grateful Jagged had sent it to her with the assurance that Penny was already setting up interviews and lawyers. Thank Ladybug and all that is good for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. If she hadn't had the foresight to send this video to them, then there would have been absolute hell at their next public appearance. She glared at her broken phone on the floor. Steal her moves, did she?

At 4am in Metropolis city, Lois rolled over and sleepily answered her phone.

"Yes?"

"I know it's early, Lois, but I have a job for you in Paris…" came from the other end. Louis bolted up in bed.

"I'm listening"...

To be Continued

[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

Blind and Naive

(You are here) (Part 2) (Part 3)

TW: Unsympathetic Virgil, Abusive Virgil, Unsympathetic Patton, Unsympathetic Logan? (Not really), Abused Roman, Toxic Prinxiety, Abusive Relationship, Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Fighting, Dismissal of Feelings, Cursing, Manipulation, Belittling, Gaslighting, Guilt-tripping, Body Shaming, Self-Harm, Self-Doubt, Anorexia, Self-Deprecation, Negative Body Image, Roman lashes out at Janus, and A LOT of Roman angst

If I missed any, please tell me and I will add it.

Word count: 3970

____

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

The question rings in my ears and I feel my brain desperately trying to think of an answer.

I know I don’t like Virgil, at least not in a romantic sense. But at the same time, I know that if we start dating, most of the fandom will be ecstatic. We are one of the most popular ships in the fandom after all.

Come on Roman, give the fans what they want. How do you expect to be the favorite if you can’t satisfy them or please them because of a selfish reason? And either way, what can go wrong? Maybe you might even fall for Virgil eventually.

I take a deep breath and nod, putting on an excited smile, “Yes!”

____

It had all started okay. We had announced our relationship to the fandom and most of them were happy! Of course, there were the few that didn’t like our relationship and those who were indifferent but that was fine. I even started to grow feelings for Virgil!

Everything was fine…

But then… Something… 

Changed...

____

“Roman! You promised we were going to have a movie night today!”

I look down, the guilt in my chest growing more and more with every second that passes.

“I know... But I really need to finish this script… I’m so sorry Virgil… I promise I will make it up to you...!” My voice is hushed and weak

Suddenly, he starts to cry and I feel my heart sink.

“YOU PROMISED ROMAN! YOU CARE MORE ABOUT A DUMB SCRIPT THAN ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND!?” His voice is shaky and filled with hurt.

“No, no, no! T-that’s not it! I promise! I-I j-just-”

He cuts me off with a sharp slap that makes my cheek sting and ache. 

“IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HANG OUT WITH ME AND TREAT ME RIGHT THEN MAYBE WE SHOULD BREAK UP!” He starts crying harder before looking away from me.

I feel tears begin to prick my eyes and my body begin to shake.

“I-I’m s-sorry! P-please d-don’t leave me!”

Please...! I don’t want the fandom to hate me even more...! I don’t want dad to get mad at me...! I don’t want to be alone again...! I d-don’t want to lose you...!

Despite my best efforts, I feel the tears in my eyes begin to spill and roll down my face. 

“We can have movie night! I-I can just do my work another day!” I cringe when I hear the heavy desperation in my voice.

I hear Virgil sigh before he turns to face me. He suddenly isn’t crying anymore and instead he just has an annoyed expression on his face.

“Fine,” His voice is so cold it forces a shiver to run down my spine, “I won’t break up with you. Now shut up and stop crying. You look so fucking pathetic.”

Pathetic...

I go to reply but before I can, I hear Virgil mumble, “So much for being a prince...”

A true prince isn’t a whiny crybaby! Stop being such a little bitch! You were in the wrong, so why are YOU crying!? He had every right to be mad at you!

I quickly wipe my tears away and force myself to calm down, “Sorry...”

He gives me a tight smile, “It’s fine. Now, put the movie on, and let’s cuddle on the couch.”

I smile a little and nod. He sits down on the couch as I put the movie on. Once the movie is on, I sit next to him on the couch and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around me and pulls me close, and I can’t help but smile more. 

See, if you’re good, he’ll be nice to you! All you have to do is follow his rules and stay on his good side. How hard can that be...?

____

Virgil looks up at me, a disgusted expression on his face. 

“Are you seriously going to eat all that?” His voice comes out harsh and judgmental.

Disgusting pig...

I look down at my plate and hold back a wince. Now that I was actually paying attention to it, the amount of food on my plate made my stomach turn. 

Are you blind!? Why did you get so much food!? Aren’t you already fat enough!? If you want to be perfect stop being such a pig! How can anyone ever love someone as fat and disgusting as you!? STOP EATING! Fill up on water or something! Count your calories more! YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!

I swallow the lump in my throat and look back up at Virgil, “N-no... I accidentally got too much food... Of course, I wasn’t planning on eating all this...”

Virgil’s expression quickly changes from disgust to anger. He slams his hands on the table as he stands up, the sudden loud noise and movements make me flinch.

“BULLSHIT! DON’T LIE TO ME! WHAT TYPE OF BOYFRIEND ARE YOU!? FIRST YOU’RE GREEDY AND THEN YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO LIE ABOUT IT!?”

Greedy...

I cover my face with my hands to try and hide the fear in my face, “N-no! I-I swear...! I-I didn’t mean to g-get so much f-food!”

A scoff escapes his lips, “Fine... If you’re not going to tell me the truth then have it your way.”

He stands up and starts walking back to his room.

I reach out to him, “W-wait...” My voice is weak and shaky.

Useless...

He stops but doesn’t bother to glance at me or anything, “You’re sleeping in the basement today. And don’t you dare show yourself until you’ve lost some weight.”

And with that, he leaves.

My shaky knees give out, I fall to the floor, gripping my hair tightly and biting my lip as I try to stop myself from crying.

Don’t you dare cry! Stop being so sensitive! If you weren’t such a fuck up, he wouldn’t have gotten mad at you! Stop being so stupid and do something right for once! You let him down! You should have known better! Go to the basement and start planning your meals...

I slowly stand up and grab my plate, the site of it almost making me puke. I quickly throw away the food in the trash and put the plate in the sink. Then I make my way to the basement.

____

“Roman, stop being so dramatic.”

I flinch a little and keep my eyes glued to the floor. I couldn’t help but fidget with my hands desperately and ineffectively trying to stop my tears.

Dramatic... 

“I-I’m sorry...- I-I just...- Y-you said...-” I trip over my words, the ever-growing lump in my throat not helping to make the situation easier.

He scoffs, “Stop lying, I didn’t even say anything about you.”

I bite my tongue, “B-but you d-did... Y-You said-”

The second I realize what I said I cut myself off. 

Nononononono!!! Y-you idiot! He’s going to get mad at you!

Before I can apologize he walks up to me and pinches my arm, making me grimace.

“ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!? I DIDN’T CALL YOU ANNOYING! IF ANYONE IS A LIAR, IT’S YOU!”

Liar...

I feel myself start to hyperventilate as I wrap my arms around my stomach tightly, “Y-you’re right... I-I’m sorry... Y-you would n-never say that...”

“Whatever,” Virgil steps away from me, “Have you eaten?”

I hug my stomach tighter at the mention of eating and shake my head, unable to force myself to speak.

He walks back over to me and puts a hand on my chin. He lifts my head and has me look at him, a smile on his face.

“Good, I’m glad you’re following the rules. As a reward, we can go cuddle in my room.”

A bright smile creeps into my face. I nod excitedly and we sink down to his room. At first, it was going great, but then, Virgil’s room began to affect me. I was getting more and more anxious but I ignored it.

Don’t ruin this nice moment! You’re always begging for attention, and you finally got it. DON’T MESS IT UP! You’re lucky he even agreed to cuddle after you accused him of lying. 

I stay quiet and just cuddle closer to Virgil, when he holds me closer I almost completely forget about my growing anxiety. 

____

At first, our arguments and insults stayed out of the videos. But soon, they began to leak through

“So do I, but I’m not like THAT.” 

Sorry... I just really like Disney...

“And as usual, you were completely unnecessary.”

Unnecessary....

“Prince, I got to say you do impress me, by being a clueless moron all the time.”

Clueless moron...

“Even Prince knew that.”

I get it... I’m the dumbest...

“Don’t encourage him.”

I’m just trying to do my job... I just want to be listened to...

“If it’s not original, haven’t we all lost?”

I’m trying! It’s harder than you think!

“You tried, you failed.”

Failed... I’m a failure...

“Princey, you are done, give it up!”

NO! I can’t give up! I can’t let him down!

“Princey, you could never let me down,” Thomas said in a sincere voice but I couldn’t help and be skeptical.

“No?” Said Virgil in a surprised and doubtful voice.

He doesn’t believe in me....

“They’re also determined and chivalrous.” Explained Thomas.

“And this is the one Roman thinks he’s in?” Asked Virgil in a fake whisper.

I guess he doesn’t think I’m determined or chivalrous... Am I that delusional to think I am...?

“I’m not evil!” I desperately called out.

“Says who?” Virgil quickly shot back.

E-evil... I can’t be evil... I’m supposed to be good...

“I so liked the original idea that I misinterpreted.”

Is my idea not good enough...?

“I tried to course-correct, but you wouldn’t let me.”

I just wanted a bit of control for once...

“Whatever, you know you screwed it up.”

Like I always do...

“All I’m saying is that you both suck at what you do and I’m tired of having to keep lighting fires under your butt”

I suck at my job... But at least I have Virgil to fix my mistakes...

“Wow, you are, unbelievably extra any chance you get.”

Extra... Always too extra...

“You know Roman, it’s too bad your brain isn’t as big as that chin.”

I’m not dumb... I-I’m not...

“It’s a puppet bit, just ignore them.”

Ignore me like always, right...?

“Too bad your “big admission” is dwarfed by your gargantuan failures.”

All I ever do is fail...

“Okay, you can stop.”

I’m just being myself....

“Shut up!”

Sorry...

“Princey, Princey, Princey, so naive.”

Naive...?

“Are you seriously siding with Deceit?”

I’m just trying to give him a chance...

“What are you- the jury decides if he’s guilty!”

So he only cares to correct me...?

____

I can’t take it anymore...! I-it hurt so much...!

I stand in front of my mirror, a feeling of hurt and loneliness corrupting my heart. My eyes are bloodshot red and tears flowed down my face at an alarming rate. My whole body was shaking and my breathes were shaky. 

Ugly! Stupid! Your shoulders aren’t broad enough! Your thighs are too wide! Your stomach is too big! Your neck is too fat! Your arms too heavy! You aren’t perfect enough! You’re still eating too much! Why are you still not good enough?! 

I curl my hands into a fist, my shaking becoming increasingly worse with every passing second. Suddenly, I’m no longer able to look at my own reflection.

Before I knew it, a loud crash filled my ears and I felt my knuckles sting. I looked at the mirror. It was now cracked and bloody. I look down at my knuckles, they were full of blood. 

But to my surprise, the pain felt... 

Good...

It hurts... My knuckles sting and ache... but... I like it... It feels nice... 

____

Eventually, I just gave up.

“Roman! You messed everything up again!”

“Sorry.”

I stopped fighting.

“Stop being dramatic. We all know that you’re just trying to get attention.”

“You’re right. Sorry,” I plastered a smile on my face.

I followed everything he said.

“Can’t you just come up with something good for once!? Stop wasting our time with your useless shitty ideas!”

I nod, “I’ll try harder, I promise.”

I just agreed.

“You’re still not skinny enough. Are you even trying!?”

“I am trying, I’m sorry, I’ll do more.”

I stayed silent and out of the way. I continued to skip meals. I kept self harming. Every day, things got worse and worse. But, at least, I still have Virgil.

____

They told me that if anything is bothering me to reach out. I slowly walk to the couch where Logan and Patton were sitting. I stand a few feet in front of them but neither of them acknowledged me.

I take a deep breath and clear my throat, finally getting their attention.

“Salutations Roman,” Logan said, looking up from his book, “Is there something that you require us for?”

I awkwardly avoid eye contact and mumble, “I, Um... Need to get some things off my chest...”

Logan raises a brow and fully sets his looks down, “Okay?”

While Logan seems to be somewhat interested, Patton just rolls his eyes.

“Fine, but hurry up, I was watching a movie,” Patton’s voice is harsh, making me flinch.

I see Logan give Patton a disappointed and displeased face, but Patton just ignores him.

I take another deep breath.

Just say it... It’s okay... T-they’ll believe me... R-right...?

After a few more seconds of debating with myself, I quietly mutter out, “V-Virgil, h-has b-been v-verbally a-abusing m-me...”

There’s a beat of silence. No longer than a couple of seconds. But, it feels like forever.

“Really Roman?” Patton’s voice cuts through the silence like a sharp knife, his tone annoyed and disappointed.

I put my head down and squeezes my eyes shut, “Y-yes...”

Patton’s sighs heavily and responds in a flat, unamused tone, “Roman, I’m disappointed in you. First, you’re mean to Virgil and now you’re lying about him abusing you!? Aren’t you supposed to be a prince? What type of prince lies about their significant other? Especially after he was was nice enough to forgive you for being so rude and gave you a chance.”

Pain and betrayal hit me like a truck going full speed. 

“I-I’m not l-lying!” I start shaking. I turn to Logan expectantly but to my surprise, he just looks away with a distraught expression on his face.

“Go to your room, Roman,” I don’t turn my attention back to Patton, instead I just start walking away.

As I leave, I hear Patton mumble to himself, “And to think that I labeled him the good one.”

I run to my room, making sure to slam the door as I go in.

They don’t care! They said they cared! They said we were friends! That we had each other’s backs! Was it all a lie!? Am I really that stupid and naive!? Why don’t they love me...? What did I do!?

I flop down on my bed, but I don’t cry, I felt like crying and I wanted to, but I couldn’t. So, I just lay there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling numb and broken.

____

I’m done! Enough is enough! I can’t do this anymore! They don’t care about me! None of them do! They all hate me! EVEN Thomas hates me now! I was supposed to be his hero! I was supposed to be the good one! 

I grip my sash tightly before ripping it off and tearing it to rags.

I don’t deserve it! Just like I don’t deserve any love and attention! I’m not good enough! I never will be! It isn’t fair!

I take off my prince costume, now only wearing the black shirt I usually wear underneath it. I take the shirt of my costume and quickly rip it up as well.

They chose a liar over me!? Why!? I’ve been trying so hard to prove myself to them! I kill myself to try and come up with creative ideas! I forced myself to change to meet their standards! I tore myself apart to please them!

I fall to the floor in defeat. A feeling of numbness suddenly washing over all my guilt, pain, sadness, and anger. Yet, even when I feel nothing but empty and numb, the tears won’t stop.

I followed Thomas’ request and tried to get rid of Virgil, only to get antagonized and proved wrong. So I tried my hardest to be nice to Virgil yet he is allowed to abuse and insults me all he wants! Then when I try to stand up for myself I get attacked by Thomas, Patton, and the fandom! I tried to be nice to De-Janus to show them I changed, and I’m wrong! So, I try being mean to him like they told me to be, and I’m wrong again! Nothing I ever do is right! Suddenly, Patton can be wrong just like everything we’ve known our whole life!

My wrist hurt, and I feel the blood of my multiple wounds running down my arm. My lungs begin to sting and burn, my throat clamps up keeping any air from reaching my lungs, my chest aches, and I start feeling lightheaded.

I want somebody... Anybody... I just need someone...

But who...? I’m all alone... I have nobody...

...Remus...

____

I stand outside of Remus’ room.

This is a bad idea... What if he laughs at me...!? But... He’s the only person I have left... 

I slowly knock on the door, cursing myself when I see how shaky my hand is.

After what seems like forever, the door opens and Remus looks at me with a shocked and concerned face.

“Roman?! What happened!? You look like shit! Are you okay!?” He slowly takes a step towards me and pulls me into a hug.

The second he hugs me, I fall apart again. 

Chocked sobs shake my body and I cling to Remus, hiding my face in his shoulder. I hear Remus sigh softly and he gently ushers me inside. He leads me to his bed and sits both of us down.

“Shhh, it’s okay Ro. You’re okay, just breathe.” 

I flinch slightly at how gentle and soft Remus’ voice is before nodding slightly. I start taking shaky deep breaths.

I don’t know how much time passes, but I eventually calm down. I slowly pull away from Remus and look down.

“I-I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to just come and burden you after all these years of ignoring you...” Despite how hard I try, my voice stays weak and tiny.

Remus, gently puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize, you aren’t burdening me.”

I bite my lip, “A-are you sure...? I-I s-started crying... and b-bothering you with my i-issues...”

Remus hugs me again and softly says, “Roman. You aren’t a burden and you’re not bothering me. Just because you started crying doesn’t mean you have to apologize. It’s okay to cry.”

W-what...? But Virgil always said that I shouldn’t cry...? He says I’m just being annoying and self-centered... W-was he lying..?

I hesitantly nod, hugging Remus back, “Okay...”

Suddenly, I feel someone on the bed shift a bit and my heart sinks. 

S-someone else is here?!

I pull away from the hug and look behind me, not sure what to expect. The face staring back at me immediately makes all my anger come rushing back to me.

“What are you doing here, Snake?” My voice comes out harsher than I expected it to but I can’t be bothered to care.

I see Janus flinch slightly and Remus sighs.

“Ro, that was mean... Apologize to Jan.”

A-apologize... 

My heart drops and it suddenly becomes impossible to breathe. I feel Remus go to pull me into another hug but I push him away and quickly stand up.

“APOLOGIZE!? WHY DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE!?” At this point I’m crying and shaking again, but this time, they’re tears of anger, “AFTER EVERYTHING HE HAS DONE TO ME, I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD!”

“Roman, I-” Janus starts but I quickly cut him off.

“YOU PRETENDED TO BE PATTON AND HAD ME PRANCE AROUND ON A STAGE, EXPLOITING MY TRUST AND SOMETHING I LOVE! THEN YOU MADE ME THE STUPID JUDGE IN YOUR DUMB TRIAL AND PRETENDED TO BE MY FRIEND! AND WHEN I DIDN’T AGREE WITH YOU, YOU PUNISHED ME BY HAVING MY BROTHER HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS MORNING STAR! YOU FILLED MY HEAD WITH FAKE COMPLIMENTS, POKING AT MY INSECURITIES AND MY DESPERATION FOR SOME SORT OF PRAISE AND LOVE!” My voice quivers and shakes. 

At this point, I see tears form in the corner of Janus’ eyes, but I continue, mostly because I just NEED to rant.

“YOU USED ME JUST TO GET LISTENED TO! AND I GET IT! IT SUCKS TO BE IGNORED! BUT THAT DOESN’T JUSTIFY YOUR SHITTY ACTIONS! LOGAN GETS IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE HIM MANIPULATING OTHERS! I GET IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE ME EXPLOITING OTHERS WEAKNESS! REMUS GETS IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE HIM USING OTHERS! THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO BE LISTENED!” My voice breaks off, unable to continue screaming.

I laugh, the laugh heavily laced with bitterness and sadness, then I crumple to the floor. 

“I-I have a r-right t-to...- T-to...-” I cut myself off and just cry into my hands, going from angry frustrated tears to sorrowful tears.

I hear both of them slowly stand up, Remus takes a knee next to me while Janus sits in front of me. I feel Remus starts to slowly and gently rub my back.

“Roman,” Janus’ voice is soothing and gentle, making me look up at him.

His face is full of guilt and the tears that pricked his eyes a few seconds ago were now slipping down.

“I’m SO sorry,” He continues, “I know what I did is wrong and that it seriously hurt you. I know that a sorry won’t fix the mess I’ve caused. And I know that nothing I do will change the past. But, I really am sorry. You don’t have to forgive me yet, you can forgive me when you are ready. For now, just breathe, everything will be okay.” 

I don’t have the strength to argue, not anymore. All I do is give him a small nod in response and start slowly breathing.

Remus starts slowly breathing with me while Janus whispers reassurance, and it surprising helps, a lot. I continue breathing, and slowly start calming down.

It will be okay...?

____

“How are you feeling Ro?” Remus asks in a gentle calming voice.

I smile a little and quietly mumble, “I feel slightly better. Thank you.”

He nods, smiling softly, “Of course Ro.”

“So,” I turn my attention to Janus, “Do you think you’re ready to tell us what happened?” He keeps his voice super gentle and soothing.

His tone helps keep me calm and I slowly nod, “Yeah...”

They both look at me, and I can’t help but feel a warmth in my heart.

They’re willing to listen to me... They’re actually going to listen... 

I take a deep breath, ready to just get everything off my chest.

____

To be continued.

I finally finished! This took so long, but I really liked it. Also, kinda sucks that this had to come out on Roman’s birthday, but I really didn’t want to post it any later. So, yeah, part 2 will be out soon. Later! 

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