#how the fuck did this take 5 hours to make
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Ah, how odd. It appears one of the puppets in Playful Land aren't quite like the rest. Almost like it has one of those consciences everyones been talking about, huh?
oc template by ai-kan1!! dividers by dollywons! Sound on!
Name: Isola Pinacirco-Cira
Nicknames: Pin, Pinpin, Goby
Gender: Demiwoman (Though she has not fully realized it yet!)
Pronouns: She/they
Sexuality: Unlabeled
Birthday: May 5 (Taurus)
Age: ??? (She has been asleep for a very long time, but she has been awake for 19 years)
Height: 5'0" or 152cm, though the height of the doll is adjustable.
Voice Claim(s): Lisa Hannigan, Miyuki Sawashiro
Twisted from: Pinocchio, Wendy's Music Box (From Tinkerbell/Peter Pan)
Unique Magic: "I've got no Strings" - The bearer can control and grant practically any unliving, immobile object the ability to move under their command. The more objects are being controlled, the more magic is consumed. However, the generation of blot is shockingly slow, allowing the bearer to use the magic for hours or even days at a time. Depending on the object, it may appear as though it is being haunted by a poltergeist. The magic, however, has a very short range. The object must be within five feet of the bearer, or it is no longer effective. Isola uses this magic to move her body on a day-to-day basis.
Grade: Freshman, though only after the Playful Land Event
Class: 1-D
Job: Playful Land Performer
Hobbies: Dancing ballet, face paint, makeup, putting outfits together, singing, sewing, wood carving, ceramic/pottery/resin repair.
Likes: Feather accessories, being alone, birds, rodents, bugs, performance, applause, classical, soul, and lofi music, animal figurines.
Dislikes: Rain, being alone, excessive heat, winter, bass boosted, fast, or hyper music, too frequent of doll repair jobs, cramped spaces, being unable to eat.
Fears: Being unlovable, never loving someone else, living a life alone, never living in a body they feel comfortable in.
Summary: A quaint performer at the renowned Playful Land, constantly known for putting on a show of elegance and grace. With her unusual cadence, she often struggles to maintain an audience despite her immense talent. Isola frequently scares off certain guests on accident. They have a very hard time handling their emotions, causing them to either come off highly unnatural or lacking facial expressions to a degree that could disturb others.
That's just the cons of being one of the many puppets on the premises, though. She is often mistaken as being one of the other, more robotic workers. Isola's body is detailed and articulated enough to stand out among them, but off-putting enough to be immediately recognized as inhuman. Nonetheless, she remains on the traveling amusement park as what is considered a "highly prized item" by the owner. Of course, you don't come across puppets like her everyday, do you? Might as well put her on display.
When night hits and protocol begins, when the consequences of breaking the many rules of the park take their toll, they can do nothing but watch over it all. It makes her feel sick, quite honestly. Disgusted. Yet, she isn't allowed to help anyone. Her attempts to help usually cause the visitors to flee from her anyway, followed by her own set of serious consequences imposed by the owner. The most she can truly do is make it harder on the other workers: including those she has no choice but to be closest to on the ship: Fellow and Gid- Ah. Wrong Identity. Ernesto and Gino.
CHARACTER PLAYLIST - INSPIRATION - CREATION STORY
Author's Note: holy fuck they have a chokehold on me. hOOOO they have a chokehold on me. she came to me in a vision and did nOT let me go until she was created, holy fuck. UGSDBGSDIUAAAAA anyway, i love her and she is my baby. my slightly fucked up baby.
Note that relationships are up for possible changes in the future- I have thought about possibly involving them with someone romantically, but i feel like I want her to put HERSELF first before that. Her story is one about self love, self discovery, and self care, and I feel like throwing her into oc x canon romance too soon would negate that. ALSO she is NOT a part of my TCOAV au!!! i mean. im probably gonna still do fun stuff where she could interact with my ocs from there since im an au fanatic, but- yeah. tcoav is a story more focused on Yuu Shi, and I feel that would also take away from important parts of Isola's character and growth. tis an excuse to try a new oc profile format too <333
that all being said and on a somewhat less related note. i wanna make a comic of her so badly. fuCK. evaporates into thin air. thank u for coming to my ted talk.
Tag list :D
@lowcallyfruity @skriblee-ksk @cecilebutcher @kitwasnothere @justm3di0cr3
@thehollowwriter @distant-velleity @techno-danger @scint1llat3 @the-trinket-witch
@beneathsakurashade @kathxrat-01 @twsted-canvas @prince-kallisto @qsoap
@sillyslipperybananapeel @tixdixl @twstinginthewind @gimmeurmoneyagh
#boopshoopsoc#isola pinacirco cira#twisted wonderland#twst#twst oc#oc#disney twst#original character#oc art#original character art#character art#twst original character#boopshoopsart#boopshoopswriting
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Ghostly Companion- Chapter 1
Link on Ao3! Currently rated Teen but may go up to Mature/Explicit
Masterlist Next Chapter -->
A Mr. Crawling x Reader fic (that may expand into a series!)
This is the first time that I've written anything like this in the past 5 years, so give me some slack if it's bad or cringey lol (also the first fic on Tumblr!)
Set in the ending (and series of events) where you take him home! I've done a few playthroughs so some parts may not be fully accurate, but I'll do my best!
No warnings-- just some minor cursing here and there. 1.8k words!
Enjoy!
Note: Words in italics are in the ghost language. The blocks represent words reader doesn't understand.
You…
Honestly, you weren’t quite sure what happened these past 24 hours. Half of your now fully-conscious brain had settled on this being some sort of twisted hallucination you experienced after inhaling the noxious spores from some weird mushroom during your bravery challenge. But, the other, half-insane half-sane side of your mind simply cannot deny the manifestation of your nightmares sitting right across from you, a sharp smile stretching from ear to ear and a mop of strangely neat black hair swallowing its figure.
It? He? That, too, was something you didn’t know. Hell, the thing never stood up, and the noises that creaked from its throat were far from human.
But… It was nice. It helped you. It followed you, shielded you, and the pure, radiant happiness it exuded when you proposed, in broken ghostly-language, for it to join you hardly came across as malicious or non-sentient. It had feelings, and while some parts were… wrong, surely, it was owed some sort of humanity, you reasoned.
And so, it became a he, and then a Mr. Crawling-- the highlight of your creativity, truly. You doubted he understood the significance of the slightly different noises coming out of your mouth as you called to him, but still, it was the least you could do.
“... not… go?” He asked, head tilted as he sat patiently on the ground, lanky grayed limbs bent awkwardly into some mix between a w-shape and a regular sitting position. You think he said something else as well, but honestly, you were exhausted, and you hadn’t really had much time to truly learn his language.
“...” You sighed again, looking at him, then your surroundings. You had popped out right where you had started– or somewhere near it, at least, as you recognized the spooky decorations nailed and wrapped around trees. You were back in the forest you had entered before being sucked into… something. At least the light rain had stopped, leaving damp soil and the smell of petrichor to fill your senses instead of the… yeah.
Well, besides, you had nothing on you. Right– it was all in your bag that, for some reason, wasn’t brought alongside the rest of you.
“Need…” you paused, hesitating. How did you say bag? Scrounging through all the corners of your mind left you with a blank, and you searched for the next best thing.
Which would be bucket. Fuck.
Mr. Crawling tilted his head the other way, mouth flattening slightly in what you presume to be confusion. “You… ∎∎∎” he uttered something that didn’t spark a single click of recognition in your brain. “∎∎∎… ∎∎∎. ∎∎∎∎∎∎. Help?”
You gave one nod. “Yeah, help. Uhm… bucket… “ You made the attempt of drawing out what it looked like in the dirt while ignoring the small amount of embarrassment that rose in your chest at your horrific attempt to communicate.
You jabbed at the middle of the drawing of your rather simple bag. “Uh- blood.” You muttered, figuring it was the closest thing to whatever the actual word for red was.
Mr. Crawling frowned a bit, then chirped a “Me help you ∎∎∎ bucket! ∎∎∎ ∎∎∎∎?” With a much more pleasant smile.
You nodded, “Yeah, thanks. Ok, so… I guess we’ll split up?”
Mr. Crawling stared blankly with that dopey smile and you sighed, standing up. You felt a little bad for making a… disabled ghost? Yeah, a disabled ghost do some of the work. Shoeless and possibly pant-less
Damn. You’ve stooped down low these past few hours.
_____________________________
Honestly, you were surprised at just how efficient a disabled ghost was when left in the dark, blind, and in an environment he’s never been in before. Just as you were about to give up and start heading back into civilization, you heard a gleeful, familiar bone-chilling giggle followed by “Me ∎∎∎ bucket blood!”
Your head shoots up, “You did?!” As you rushed off to the bushes where he had wandered off.
You let out a sigh of relief as you spotted the familiar bag, grabbing it from Mr. Crawling’s hands. “Thank you,” you smiled, weary but grateful, as Mr. Crawling giggled once again.
“Happy! Happy!” He said, reaching out to pat your head again.
You found yourself letting out a small laugh as well at the unusually tender action, giving your bag a quick once-over to confirm everything was there. When you spotted your phone, you quickly tapped on the screen, letting out a quick breath of relief as it lights up only for it to immediately be followed by a small wince.
Over 50 missed calls and 100 messages… yikes. And with a glance at the time and date, you understood why. Turns out, your sense of time was rather accurate– it had been just over a day since your disappeared.
“Hurt? You hurt?” Mr. Crawling asked, leaning in close to do his ghost-equivalent of looking. Honestly, you can’t be bothered to question why, how, or even what he’s seeing when all you’ve noticed on his face was a deep red wound in place of his eyes.
“No,” You shake your head. “Uhm. It’s, uhm, humans. Humans worry… no– me worry humans.” You explained the best you could, standing up again. Mr. Crawling looks up, confused.
“You safe.” He says, crawling towards you rather slowly. “Humans ∎∎∎?”
You shake your head. “Go together with me.” You say with a bit of force. The desire to get home and in bed overshadows much of anything else that could run through your mind.
Mr. Crawling, however, doesn’t seem to mind your curtness, breaking out into another small fit of uncanny giggles as he follows after you, letting out a small mantra of “Together together together together!”
With half fondness and half exasperation, you trudge on with a smile, feeling like this experience was more akin to a person walking their dog rather than a human leading a ghost to their home. Which… you choose to think about another day. You really, really don’t want to contemplate any more images of your death.
You were so tired.
But, after nearly half an hour of much slower-than typical walking, your patience was wearing thin.
As it turns out, disabled ghosts walk– crawl much slower on slippery, uneven terrain than their familiar concrete floors. You’ve had to slow significantly so that Mr. Crawling wouldn’t get too tangled up in roots and rocks, and a part of you worried for the safety of his bare legs, but every passing glance resulted in a tiny glimpse of smooth, unharmed skin. You assume he was taking extra care to ensure he doesn’t get hurt.
But, still, every passing hour drains your phone’s limited battery and therefore your limited ability to navigate through whatever area of the city you wind up in upon exiting the mountains. You really couldn’t afford to keep slowing down or to risk losing your understanding of where to walk by circling around roots and trees. They had passed most of the decorations by now, leaving only trees and the very faint noise of any rare passing cars.
Eventually, you kneel back down, waving at him to get his attention. “Mr. Crawling.” You hum, watching as he perked up.
“∎∎∎!” He chirped, getting to your position in a few seconds.
“Me…” You hesitate. “... Me you… up.” You said, staring at him to see whether or not he understood. You were sure that, without… a lot of things necessary for life, he would be light enough for you to carry. Sure, you weren’t the fittest of the bunch, but you were healthy and exercised. In fact, you’re sure that your physical health was the only reason you lasted that long in that death trap.
His head tilted, then he grinned. “... Me you ∎∎∎?”
You sighed, contemplating. That was a vaguely familiar word, and you could almost hear something else in your memories having said it.
But before you could actually responded, Mr. Crawling lunged up at you, bringing you down to the ground in one swift motion. You let out a scream, your throat raw and strained by now, but settled in once you realized where you were.
“Mr. Crawling, what are you–?” You let out a half-scream of shock as he began to scoot across the floor with his legs, holding you firmly in his lap, cold yet sturdy arms caging you in.
He giggled, “Me ∎∎∎! Me ∎∎∎ you!”
Your jaw dropped, and then the word clicks– carry! Well, carry or lift or hold– something along those lines. You remembered that decapitated head speaking it. The head that you had left behind in the hands of that… goat thing.
“Me carry you!” Mr. Crawling giggled, and honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that this was twice as slow as their previous pace (an actual snail’s pace) you might’ve just stayed here and squeezed a nap in.
“Wait, no– no!” You wiggled, trying to loosen his arms. You couldn’t– not through sheer force, as his arms felt like stone bricks, but he loosened his hold on his own, leaning in far too close and spewing out a cycle of: “Hurt? Hurt? Damaged? You sad?”
You sighed, shaking your head. Well, at least now you know the word. “No, me carry you. Me carry you.” You said, trying to convey through hand motions that it would be faster.
Then… Mr. Crawling giggled. Laughed. Directly at your face. “You carry me? Me ∎∎∎, you ∎∎∎!”
In your heart, you knew you were being laughed at, and you felt heat rushing to your ears as you sputtered in indignation. “What– listen, I can carry you! You’re not even alive, so you probably don’t have water or blood or any other thing in you that makes you as heavy as–”
“Cute!” Mr. Crawling cooed with another giggle, playing with your ears, his fingers gentle despite how coarse they felt. The coolness of them actually felt… nice against your burning ears.
You balked, “You–!”
Your breath was interrupted as cement arms wrapped around you again and his butt-scooting continued.
“Hey, I– !”
“You ∎∎∎ rest!” He said happily, strong legs picking up the pace and pushing small mounds of dirt across the forest floor.
Well… that was actually amendable. Maybe you’d get to the city before sunrise at this pace.
“Rest rest!” He said, one arm reaching up to pat your head. “You ∎∎∎! You rest! You safe.”
You let out another sigh, though you hardly put any heart into it, leaning against him more as you felt the rhythmic stop and push of him quite literally dragging the both of us to safety.
A disabled ghost… helping a fully-capable human move.
You snort, letting your eyes fall shut.
What has your life become?
And that's all! Thank you so much for stopping by! If you're interested, I just wanted to add some notes for anybody paying a bit more attention to minor details in this fic.
Yes, the reader is exhausted and far too tired to ask why a ghost who "can't use his legs" is currently using them as a motor to propel them across the forest floor. Give them some slack! They nearly died about 3 times lmao. (And I have mentally planned out a timeframe where they realize this exact piece of info)
I am aiming for the reader to be completely G/N (for our rare male players) but I may slip up and call them she/her or accidentally follow the canon a bit too closely.
Honestly, while it is based in Japan, most of my understanding outside of some rare visits comes from anime. So, in my head, the local high school was hosting a bravery challenge up in the forest on the mountains and the reader was dragged along with their friends (reader is a working young adult, ~25 years old). In my world, the city they live in is maybe 40 minutes away from that specific area in the mountains. I'm contemplating making the reader American-Japanese (who resides in the US and visited Japan for a vacation to meet up with old friends, or something like that).
Yes, I know that "bucket" in the ghost language isn't correct (the correct word is "container" or something more vague like that) but I can't recall if the reader gets to go to the SOS room on this route where Mr. Crawler refers to the pencil case/make-up bag with that same word, so their only experience would be learning the word through buckets with Mr. Hood.
I may accidentally call Mr. Crawling "Mr. Crawler." I'm pretty sure I haven't done that in this fic, but this is simply a warning for the future lmao.
That's all! Thanks again!^^
Masterlist Next Chapter -->
Banners by @cafekitsune
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The Sworn Partners for God's Sake
i am SOOOO ecstatic w/ how this came out! i decided to participate in @das-a-kirby-blog 's DTIYS since i needed some fun artistic challenge in my life. i will put all my thoughts below the cut because i need to yap but please look at this image for atleast 5 seconds since i spent like 25 hours on it <3
sketching this alone took some thought since i had to adjust the canvas multiple times to make sure everything fit properly. i've never drawn alot of these characters ngl, so i was a bit nervous going in so suddenly. i wanted to make all the past villians more, well, villainous looking so i just added some crazed expression and dynamic poses. i especially like how i did susie ngl. like shes giggling so wickedly i love. i gave kirby a more confused expression while bandee is in his usual worried state of mind. i also decided to make meta and dedede make sexual eye contact as lovers sworn partners. however... i decided to take dark crafter and yinyarn out back before telling them to close their eyes because, tbh, i really dont give a fuck about either of them. marx and magolor felt like much more fitting choices in the section of past kirby antagonist as i would consider them far more impactful (and fun to draw) than the ladder pair. also added blade knight cuz sword knight was there and he wasnt?? smh. oh and vul is smoking lmao.
the hardest thing in this entire piece was the line art. originally i did all my lines in black just because it's easier on the eyes when crafting all the pieces together before i layer a blue merge layer on top. i questioned whether or not to use the lineart as both eye-black and metal highlight/shadow but im incredibly happy with the result.
coloring became a tricky subject since my art utilizes very bright, vibrant colors with high chroma. i wanted to stay true to the og by only using the base colors but just... tweaking them a lil bit. i cant resist a good highlight in my art. when it came to nightmare and meta's cape, i am a longtime subscriber to the hc that meta is like his "son" in a way so i wanted to make a nod to that by making the gradient and star-design pattern of their cloaks the same.
to be honest, this was so much fun. but holy SHIT my back is on fire. shoutout to anyone who actually read this monstrosity of an artist's explanation, ur a real one. thank you guys so much for ur support and ill see yall eventually with another dumb kirby post <3.
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beta julie.. that's it
#how the fuck did this take 5 hours to make#welcome home#julie welcome home#welcome home julie joyful#julie joyful#wh julie#beta welcome home#beta julie
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arrives 15 min late with a latte
......sup
#yosuke hanamura#persona 4#cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags#fellas im surprised hes here and done#did not think that was gonna happen#fuck i forgot smth#eh ill fix it before i make my print#anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i#yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell#i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him#also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1#bc i wanna do this in gold foil#and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell#but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1#my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・#so whatever gets done will get done#also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao#if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr#so uh yeah yeehaw#idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years#im not fucking kidding#the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned#hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako#boys lucky to hit top 5#he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either#maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it#nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is#ill do better by the women i promise
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it's been a while since i've cried hard enough to have a headache but. sure got there today, babes!
#ghost speaks#personal#ripped my favorite tights i've had for 5+ years and can't replace#can't return my glasses#got ptsd triggered by going past my old church because i took a wrong turn because i was. crying about not being able to return my glasses#have been crying for a solid 40 minutes straight#am still incredibly aware of how isolated and lonely i am#my parents are on vacation so i won't see a friendly face or get a hug till sunday night at the earliest#just. doing BAD#(well. there is the faint hope that the office manager will take pity on me since her office literally cannot manufacture lenses#that will meet my needs)#(but considering i spent a lot of the last hour yelling and begging out loud trying to work out a maximally sympathetic pitch)#(and also dreading 1-2 years of not having transition lenses because theirs fuck with my color vision)#(i'm not sure the hope makes things. better?)#i am gonna. make hot chocolate because it sounds like a marginal improvement over crying without that#the last time i couldn't stand up or i'd start crying harder was yesterday but boy did i not miss it#i thought i might feel better in the morning. ha. ha ha. ha#(like i know this is temporary i'm just. i just. i am so tired and SO stupidly ridiculously incredibly upset)#(like my emotional equilibrium right now is. not)
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home from work
#if I speak…#one of the girls walked out yesterday#the best worker we have is on the verge of blowing up on this bitch’s leaders bc since he can do everything quick and efficiently already#they’re putting 3 to 4 ppl’s workloads on him to see how far they can extend his worth and then they’re over his shoulder the whole time#micromanaging him so today he almost lost it and was literally walking around mumbling about his disrespectful they all are (facts)#and how if they don’t think he’s doing it right then they can do it and I know for a fact one of the ladies heard him#bc he wasn’t even trying to hide it at this point and like this dude is cool he has a lot of patience and helps out any way he can#so if HE’S on the brink of snapping then the rest of us don’t stand a chance LMFAO#anyways today was a fucking mess those leaders know nothing about our store yet so they have us making less than what we need until we need#it so we get behind constantly and they made prep a disaster bc again they think they can just prep a bunch of stuff in the morning#and it’ll last the whole day and yes that works in theory but the reality of the situation is every day is different and today#we sold double what we did yesterday so they had to move me to prep to fix their mistakes bc we were running out of stuff 4 hours in lmfao#and I’m the only one left who knows how to do everything on prep bc the other girls had never done it before#we’re supposed to prep 20 mac n cheese trays in the morning for the whole day#we open lunch at 10:30 tell me why I go into the cooler at 12 put more in the oven and there’s only 5 left#it’s been less than 2 HOURS and you’re already running out of macs which means those idiots prepped barely anything just to try and save mo#*money to cut down waste but that gag if you’re losing money bc now you’re short on everything and customers are leaving bc they’re having#to wait a long time for their food#and macs take 40 minutes to cool LMFAO#I get over there they’re out of parfaits they’re out of fruit cups they’re out of kale salads the front is coming in and having to take#stuff as I make it bc they keep getting orders and it’s all just a fucking mess#I have to make a custom wrap and what happens?? those morons didn’t pull the flatbreads out of the freezer like they’re supposed to every#night so now we have no flatbread and I had to run back there and put them in the warming drawer to defrost and we lost an order bc I had#nothing to make the wraps with <3#I go back there to get more cold chicken SPOILER ALERT they didn’t have anyone make any this morning so now there’s no chicken for the wrap#and salad and it has to be grilled and then chilled for 2 FUCKING HOURS before it can be used#they’re a fucking disaster like 😭#was the store perfect before?? ofc not but it ran quickly and efficiently as it should and now it’s literally just a mess#this bitch hasn’t even owned it for a full week yet and has already fucked it all up#womp womp!!!!!!
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Ok triple vaccine is kicking my ass. Now. I am.now grateful that I scheduled it with a day off after
#speculation nation#negative/#i will be real this is genuinely one of the worst pains of my life#but to.make matters worse. my period started :/ so im dealing with first day cramps of Those#i got only 4 hours of sleep bc despite taking a melatonin i just Could Not Fall Asleep#my feet and legs were so very cold that even 45 minutes under a hot pad still hadnt warmed them#it took hours before i felt like i could remove it. idk how long exactly id finally fallen asleep#but june wouldnt stop crying until eventually she came up to bed#and poor sweet girl did her normal thing of climbing on me. which is usually fine.#but she stepped on my arm and. hhhhhholy shit lmfao That had to be one of the worst pains of my life.#like a 7 or maybe even an 8. right now doijg nothing id say its a 5#i need to take ibuprofen but i need to get some food in me first#which. oh yeah. i got out of bed to try to eat a bit so i could take some ibuprofen. ended up lightheaded as fuck#had to sit down several times. until at one point i got hit with a spell so bad i was Convinced i was gonna throw up#sat beside the toilet with a cold sweat as i waited for the nausea to subside.#i was gonna have corn dogs for a small meal. they r in the microwave even. but rn i am.just gingerly sipping on an Ensure#with a plastic bag beside me lol. just in case. bc i dont fuck with nausea risks man i am.not puking on my floor.#eurgh why did my.body decide to make things worse for me.... this Sucks#emetophobia/
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Gw2 Huevember Week 4
I've been thinking a lot about Laurence and his past recently, and this cool color-scheme really went with the feeling.
Though he later found ways to escape it, there was an incredibly tight grip on his life. His purpose was to be perfect, be beautiful, be a shining jewel for the Bellamy family, not as an heir but as a trinket.
#gw2#gw2 huevember#my art#Laurence Bellamy#So I kinda decided to make my 'break' week last week bc I was superbusy helping family with stuff#and then I realized today that the reason why week 5 was a 'break' was because it was half as long#and uhh#LOok this still counts for huvember I finished it at 1 am which..is 1 hour away from it being november#tw scopophobia#I thinkthat is the right tag#ANYWAYS Uhh Laurence has been on my mind A LOT recently#been really thinking about the details of how fucked his father was and what was going on with him#I realized that after his father lost his heir and wife#he would take a sudden turn from being horribly abusive to being 'nice' to laurence because he was all he had left#and if he lost anything else his future would be ruined#Of course even at the age of 10-11 Laurence knew that something was wrong with this sudden shift#and was deeply upset by the fact that his father now just pretended like he never did anything horrible to him#I should at some point make a longer post about all this and not just put an essay decribing abuse in the tags lol#new coping mechanism dropped:#make a blorbo with a somewhat similar past to you but make it so their abuser eventually goes to jail
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was looking at the school systems in latin america and i think our ministries of education should come together n decide some sort of standard fr bc what a mess
#if they could come together to make our car plate look the same ugly ass shit they should come together to do something useful as well#they should copy paste whatever finland is smoking for basic school n then steal whatever cuba is doing in high education#me personally if i could choose i'd divide the basic years in 4 phases#first (til 4yo) second (til 8yo) third (til 12yo) fourth (16yo)#which is similar to what we have but its divided evenly now. also they should make the school hours shorter#no fucking person should be sitting in a chair for over 6h#three months of vacation is a perfect number to be honest (december january july)#oh n we should actually have decent extracurricular activities OR we should b able 2 choose the classes we need#sure make a standard curriculum for ppl who dont know what theyre doing w their life but also let the rest of us bitches choose#i DID NOT need that many chemistry or biology classes. i was not interested then and im not interested now#and also that insane amount of math classes was unnecessary too. even if i use math in uni now#a perfect curriculum for me would be 25% language 25% history + geography 25% math 10% art or PE 5% sciences#these bitches had me doing 40% math 40% portuguese 20% all sciences + random philosophy#oh n while i think a test to get into university is good it should not be like a straight line bc every student is different#for example when i did ENEM the first time i was baffled on how insane the math and sciences part were#(i love the language history and geography part tho) like i think we should also be able to choose that#like when we sign up we say what uni and course we wanna take and then do a test that has nothing to do with it#we should be able to get a personalized test from the already existing database. for example#if im going to do architecture then my test needs more math physics and history. but not as much language geography and fuckass chemistry#even though i LOVE language and geography#wait this rant went too personal already. anyway change the schooling system#and also fix the way teachers are being taught to teach and also pay them better and fund better infrastructure#cos literally til when are politicians gonna put the tax money up their ass? girl you cant even give 30% to education? kill yourself <3#the way latin america will be stuck in the lower top 50 in education for the next decades is crazy
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Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)
#my back and shoulder are killing me and I’ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad#so I’m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow#I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that#I’m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever#out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it#down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired#5) period tired and chronic pain tired#like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did#nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours that’s itttttt#like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work#like I’m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind#gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the#heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle#my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe there’s somewhere I want to live that has#an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe that’s an added way for me to figure out where I want to#move#hmmm okay I’m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and I’m just gonna daydream and try to fall#asleep and I’ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo#going to think about the future because I want to live !!!!#anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother#and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until I’m back to smoking constantly to the point where I’m making myself sick and#then I’ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and that’ll lead me into saving money again#or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed#either way I’m going to smoke all summer it’s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it#it’s gonna suck and I’m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and it’ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and I’ll come out of#the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am#and then I’ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression.#I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a#bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like#weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible
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what if i got home from work and immediately had to do stuff for the house/my dad till 1 am then went to sleep so hard i didn’t dream then went back to work huh. what if that happened
#personal#i got six hours last night and that was the most i have gotten in several days#i mean my fault but it’s mostly like i’m gonna cut into my sleep time to have any free time#but anyway 10+ hour shifts 5+ hours cleaning/ helping my dad then sleep then immediately back at work#i was talking to my mom how bad life is yesterday and she was like but ur so skinny 😍#i did chew her out but we worked it out and i did admit the weight loss has made me feel better during all of this#but probably not great that i’m enjoying it you know? but anyway#but the lady who’s coming to live with us to help with dad came yesterday night so!#she was helping him when i woke up and left for work#definitely will be an adjustment to live with a stranger and god pleae please#let my parents keep the house normal enough for a human being#and i’m gonna have to actually make sure the house is clean bc that’s not fair to her#anyway will be a big adjustment but if i can sleep that’d be so fucking nice#i already cried at work but maybe i leave early? i wont i have 4/6 occurances just from calling out for my dad#but also hehe. one drops off in 9 days maybe i don’t give a shit#but also if i’m gonna get an occurrence might as well get a full day#many thoughts probably will stay the whole day#i told my mom when this is all settled i’m taking a vacation and not doing a single responsible thing#i hope she can take a vacation soon too#but yeah second we have this settled im not working for 2 weeks not even joking
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my coworker who closes most of the week is so lazy i cannot stand it
#they literally NEVER mop the floor and they do a very fast bad sweep job too and the floors always look like SHIT#and then they also just never check the dish bucket so plates stay in there with food on them for DAYS until me or our manager finds it#and then like a million fucking other small things it’s literally so aggravating#like hey girlypop maybe do your job instead of doing less than the bare minimum and trying to get out as fast as you possibly can !!!!#just bc we CLOSE at 4/5 doesn’t mean you’ll be out at that time and you also shouldn’t be getting out before twenty minutes after tbh bc#there is Literally No Way to do everything before that time it doesn’t matter !!!! i closed for FOUR YEARS i Know how long shit takes 😒#like how come i’m always here 20mins to and HOUR after we close when i close but they get out way before then!!!!????#makes no sense stop being fucking lazy you’re about to be 20 years old and you literally don’t even Try ??????#this is a SMALL BUSINESS!!!!!!!! you can’t fucking slack like that bc there’s not a bunch of people to do it for you if you can’t/don’t.#we have THREE employees. we can tell Who slacks and it’s way more annoying to the other two people you decide to fuck over like ????????#if this was fucking fast food then Sure but it isn’t even Close there is No reason to be this awful at your job when i know you did more st#your other job before here so
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one day ill post my pokemon games + spinoffs tierlist that im slowly chipping away at and have been since, like, june or july . but i dont think people are ready
#aria talkz#tbf 'Scar/Vi was actually pretty good' isnt an unpopular take but its a popular ''controversial''(?????) take.#Yes i know about the bugs and slowdown and memory leaks yes it sucks its still a lot of fun for me#And i love the story ( esp the dlc oh my god ) and how pretty the textures are . I do not care if you dont like it . OK?#that being said the kieran battle had such a massive slowdown for me it was literally going at like 5 fps#it was frustrating but also kind of funny. i am the only person i know who seemed to have that issue tho#+ “hgss isnt that good” is more common nowadays too. But putting scar/vi and like#xy and s/m above it is probably controversial#i am literally a 3d / modern pokemon game defender. except lets go and bdsp fuck those ones.#Like i love the 2d era dont get me wrong but the starts of all of them are pretty slow and without the early global exp share its a slog#my fave 2d game has and always will be bw2 btw and has been since i was a kid. started w diamond/plat/gen 4 and pkmn stadium#rosa is me irl and i constantly imagined myself in my mindscape literally AS her which is funnier realizing i had DID later down the line.#if you squint at aria my oc / sona you can kinda see remnants of rosa#mainly the twintail hair and the pink pokeball shirt.#anyways the backtracking in HGSS at the start is so fucking abysmal and slow it kills all momentum for me#which sucks bc i think i do like hgss despite my constant trashing of it its just so hard to care enough to get past the like first hour#But like modern pokemon games gameplay loop is so much more fun bc its less slow and grindy and i heart it...#Like honestly ? If u just added the QOL to the older games ? Theyd probably be higher than or at the same lvl as the newer games for me#i love BW2. I dont even think hgss sucks ass although there are many questionable decisions in it . Its literally just.#How slow + grindy they are and the fact that theyre older so they dont have the modern games QOL stuff#which mainly means Global exp share like really early or at the start of the game i love pc anywhere too but i dont need it as much.#its also why its hard for me to play pokemon-likes like cassete beasts bc they go off of old pokemon formula . so. grindy. Sucks#Should prob put legends arceus higher on that tierlist too bc im playing it again despite 100%ing the dex#i love love love making oc ''rp'' (??) savefiles in pokemon#and like. giving what mons i catch and how i nickname them thought in context of the oc or canon im playing as#i do it any time im not doing my first playthru of a game. do it w x y a lot bc theyre super easy to restart.#im doing it in legends arceus as well w mocha and thinking ab him and how hed adapt sm. i heart aus.#can you tell im autistic about pokemon .
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I've always had chronic fatigue. I remember being twelve, and an adult mentioned how I couldn't possibly know how tired they felt because adulthood brought levels of exhaustion I couldn't imagine. I thought about that for days in fear, because I couldn't remember the last time I didn't feel tired.
Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was just tired, and I couldn't do as many things as everyone else. People called me lazy, and I knew that wasn't true, but there's only so many times you can say "I'm tired" before people think it's an excuse. I don't blame them. When a teenager does 20 hours of extracurriculars every week and only says "I'm too tired" when you ask them to do the dishes, it's natural to think it's an excuse. At some point, I started to think the same thing.
It didn't matter that I could barely sit up. It was probably all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could do it.
When I learned the name for it, chronic fatigue, I thought wow, people that have that must be miserable, because I am always tired and I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were worse.
Spoiler alert, if you've been tired for a decade, it's probably chronic fatigue.
Once I figured that out though, I thought of my energy as the same as everyone else's, just smaller in quantity. And that might be true for some people, but I've figured out recently that it absolutely isn't true for me.
I used to be like wow I have so much energy today I can do this whole list for sure! And then I'd do the dishes and have to lay down for 2 hours. Then I'd think I must gave misjudged that, I didn't have as much energy as I thought.
But the thing is - I did have enough energy for more tasks, I just didn't go about them properly.
With chronic fatigue, your maximum energy is obviously much smaller than the average person's. Doing the dishes for you might use up the same percentage of energy that it takes to do all the daily chores for someone else.
If someone without chronic fatigue was to do all the daily chores, they would take breaks. Because otherwise, they're sprinting a marathon for no reason and it would take way more energy than necessary. We have to do the same.
Put the cups in the dishwasher, take a break. Put the bowls in, take a break. So on and so forth. This may mean taking breaks every 2-5 minutes but afterwards, you get to not feel like you've run a marathon while carrying 4 people on your back.
Today, I had a moderate amount of energy. Under my old system of go till you drop, I probably could have done most of the dishes and wiped off the counter and then been dead to the world for the rest of the day.
Under the new system, I scooped litter boxes, cleaned out the fridge, took the trash out, cleaned the stove, and wiped off the counter and did all the dishes. And after all that, I still had it in me to make a simple dinner, unload the dishwasher, and tidy the kitchen.
It was complete and utter insanity. Just because I sat down whenever I felt myself getting more tired than I already was.
All this to say, take fucking breaks. It's time to unlearn the ceaseless productivity bullshit that capitalism has shoved down our throats. Its actively counterproductive. Just sit down. Drink some water. Rest your body when it needs to rest.
There will still be days where there is nothing to do but rest, and days where half a load of dishes is absolutely the most I can do. But this method has really helped me minimize those, which is so incredibly relieving.
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#im gonna sat smth and its more . idk#anyway . i adore my coworker. shes so fucking lovely oml#like . shes such a sweeyheart.#HOWDVER. she gets so stressed out and just . idk i dont like how she talks to me sometimes#and how i feel :(#its not cool andjfj and its not even smth rlly worth mentioning#but i do dread working w her sometimes :( shes out this week#n its made me realise how . much at ease i am when shes not there#ibalso . i feel safe around these two guys Seperstsly#but when theyre borh around . simulataniously#rhats not spelt right idc sorry#i am a Bunfle of Nerves n i fear i may be yelled at dor Somerging ir wtv#it was a weirs realisation.#i also dis in fact take up thw sunday shift im abt to b rolling in it oops x#5 shifts thiz week .#hold up lemme calculate what my gours are#uts not a lot of hours . but the pay rate is where im looking#base rate is 30/ht#sunday is like $42. saturday is $35.#theres this weird extra section i do not understand and thats like . $30 as well 😭#n idk how tgey calculate the hours . im 99% sure i was overpaid last week bc i did Not do 6hrs on sunday.#or maybe i did . idk honestly . i probably did 😭#i didnt work sunday night tho . n 12am - 4am is . 4hrs so where is the extra 2 from . hello?#actually it was 7jrs. srill POINT REMAINS ?#look i have never been one to rlly Check and Understand a paycheck#my ver of making sure everything lines up is . calculatinf all my hours n then x it by my Base Rate.#n then likw . deduct $50 bc tax.#n as long as my paychexk is Higher or Matxhing that numver im good idc lol#but i do however usually gst my dad to run ms througg what some of it means so i can . check it Properly every once in a qgilw#u gwt underpaid Once n it twrrifies u for the next 2yrs.
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