#how the bonds we create are what keep us alive and how love changes us and makes us stronger

[habken]

I went to a screening for the wild robot and it’s such a sweet film :’) so visually stunning too, I couldn’t take my eyes off the foliage and plant life! Also had the whole theatre tearing up at at least one point lol. Super funny and heartfelt movie, with a baller soundtrack and stellar animation.

I've seen a lot of people turned off on it from the trailers, but it's honestly a beautiful film and I genuinely think people should give it a chance if they're on the fence about it!

[mari-lair]

Mitsuba is a mess, and his relationship with Kou just high light it.

(Head up: I’ll call the human ‘Sousuke’ and the supernatural ‘Mitsuba’)

Mitsuba wants friends, and he seems to have focused on Kou to get that, which in hindsight, is a very strange decision. Kou was not his smoothest interaction in Hell of Mirrors, he wasn’t even Mitsuba’s first interaction outside Tsukasa: Nene was.

Nene  had no expectations of how he ‘should be’ based on Sousuke, and she had a lot of time to bond with him.

They bantered and tried to help each other from danger even when scared, and Mitsuba did feel a connection: He ran to her rescue before even Hanako and Kou when the ceiling fell, and he treated her as the priority, only saying his farewells and looking at her fondly when he kicked everyone off his boundary.

It seems like they are already friends, or at least, on friendly terms, so why does Mitsuba focus on Kou after Hell of Mirrors? What changed?

He got obsessed with the idea of identity.

Wanting an identity has been a big part of his character since his introduction.

Mitsuba’s existence is depressing: He thought he was a ghost, a human that died, and forgot his life.  He tried to remember who he was but he couldn’t, so he felt isolated, and empty, and this feeling got worst when Hell of Mirrors didn’t show him anything. No reflection, no fear, nothing.

He displayed some fraction of a desire here: “Who am I?” "I want memories.”

It’s a wish that stuck with him before even the basic ‘wish’ to get out, which was what lead Nene to him and kick started the arc in the first place.

Mitsuba said “who cares” when Nene talks about seeing him before (seeing Sousuke) but he does care. A lot. It is not a passing wish, it genuinely bothers him.

Unfortunately, this wish to ‘remember’ is crushed before it can even became a proper goal.

He is told he is an artificial ghost, he never had a life or a heart for No.3′s mirrors to read: He’s an empty monster, created for the hell of it.

Mitsuba is not an idiot, he can see Kou is using him to pretend Sousuke is still around and Tsukasa is using him for his entertainment.

The lack of love sticks to him, it hurts, but what seems to have affected him the most is his lack of previous life. The idea that he was never human and have no life to remember.

That he doesn’t have anything.

And he can’t accept that.

Unlike Sousuke, Mitsuba's main goal isn’t to make friends: It’s to have an identity, to be somebody.

When he masters his school mystery powers he doesn’t seem to spare Nene, Tsukasa, or even Kou, much thought, but he gets obsessed with Sousuke: He watches his life from the moment he steps into the school, to his graduation, and his destruction.

The mirrors finally show him something, and even if there is this disconnect between himself and Sousuke, it’s still something.

We are told his wish is “to be human”, and that is a big part of it, he wants to have a life, to be visible and tangible, but he wouldn’t have tried to be Sousuke if his goal was simply to have a human body and experience being alive.

Mitsuba is contradictory: He wants to have his own identity, be worthy as himself, but he doesn’t like himself, he feels like an empty frankenstain monster built on the shadows of Sousuke, and being a human with no memories, no connection, no goals outside ‘living as a human’, is still empty. Barely an existence.

So he tries to be Sousuke, he gets lots of friends that call him Sousuke, which is a first name he doesn’t have, and tries to have the relationship he had with Kou. He steals Sousuke’s backstory and Sousuke’s dream, and tweak it to convince himself he is living his own dream.

He keeps following the previous No.3 rumor, even if by accident or force: First by stealing No.3′s seat number “to not disappear”, and after by stealing Sousuke’s dream “to have something"

But there is still a distance between him and Sousuke that shows replacing him was never his intention: Mitsuba doesn’t guard the photography book Kou gave him in Hell of Mirrors, he doesn’t try using a camera at all in picture perfect, he doesn’t like being mistaken for Sousuke.

He just likes to feel like somebody that can realistically be loved.

Even if deep down he is convinced it’s not true.

He only snaps out of his Sousuke obsession and goes back to pay attention to Kou as an individual, not as a major link to an identity he feels empty without, in chapter 48, after he opens up and Kou pays full attention to his wishes as Mitsuba, not Sousuke, for the first time.

He begins to care about Kou on a personal level: He stops watching Sousuke and starts watching Kou.

Considering how much free time Mitsuba have, I assume he watched more of Kou’s life through the window: The way he saved Hanako in the Young Exorcist arc, his big talk when he learned about Nene’s life spam, and so on. But even if he didn’t, since I have no proof he did, Mitsuba still witnessed how he did not fight back while in danger with Sousuke, and everything in picture perfect.

He knows Kou has a martyr complex.

Kou wants ‘perfect’ solutions and feels very distressed when he can’t have them. He’ll put himself in danger to give ‘anyone’ a happy ending, this, paired with Mitsuba’s view of himself, makes this conclusion perfectly reasonable:

So even though he doesn’t feel comfortable calling Kou a friend, Kou still makes him feel like he matters. Like he is worth grieving.

He likes when Kou listens to him and notices things about him, because it makes him feel like his existence is loved, which Mitsuba has convinced himself it does not, and never will.

An act as simple as remembering he has a fondness for penguins made him melt.

And while I am sure he would be happy if anyone did something so nice to him, he is extremely affected by Kou in specific. He values what Kou does much more than anyone else, his actions stick with Mitsuba to the point of madness since their first meeting.

In Hell of Mirrors, Kou should have been perceived as a lunatic: He is a stranger that’s way too touchy and speak nonsense about personal things Mitsuba wasn’t a part of, but even though he doesn’t even know Kou’s name, he is speechless by Kou. 

The memory that stuck with Mitsuba in Hell of Mirrors wasn’t this weird stranger grabbing his face and demanding he remember something that he never experienced, it was Kou’s watery smile, the clear love, and relief he felt when seeing what he had believed to be Sousuke.

I’m sure Mitsuba had no idea how to react to having someone cry of joy to see him, but the way Mitsuba's survival instinct stopped working when Teru tries to kill him is unbelievable: Mitsuba is so focused on how Teru remind him of Kou, on how seeing someone that looks like Kou with such cold and cruel eyes doesn’t compute, that this ‘wrongness’ take all his attention, leaving him uncapable of processing the deadly sword on his face. 

He sees Nene, Sakura, and Natsuhiko, distressed on many occasions, and while he does get sad for Nene and can empathize with them all, when Kou is the one troubled he pays full attention, he goes out of his way to help and freak out when Kou gets too sad. He goes as far as to put a pause on his wish to die to make Kou stop.

His joy also affects him more than anyone. When Kou is happy Mitsuba is always star struck.

He forgot every Nene smile but played Kou’s watery smile on repeat after Hell of Mirrors. He constantly frames Kou as if he is bright like stars or larger than life.

Even when he completely disagrees with what Kou says, Mitsuba still pays full attention. Is like he can’t look away when Kou is paying attention to him.

Because of it, instead of being dismissive or unimpressed, he gets very shaken and frustrated when Kou promises things he doesn’t believe in.

Kou have a lot of power over Mitsuba, which Mitsuba doesn’t nescesarily appreciates.

He wants to get closer but he also want a break from Kou.

Mitsuba isn’t very good at handling strong emotions, but he also has the bad habit of dismissing casual feelings or forgetting them.

He may be a very sweet supernatural, more emotional and empathetic than most, but in the end, he is still a supernatural: He does not get attached to people easily, and have an odd sense of priority.

He doesn’t have a high standard of how ‘caring or nice or alive’ someone need to be for them to be worthy of being his friend, he just want someone, anyone, to hold on to.

And yet he unconciously doesn’t allow himself that.

We can’t justify his sudden lack of interest in Nene, who was the closest thing to a certified ‘friend’ he got in Hell of Mirrors as him putting a mental block on her after learning of her lifespan: He just has no desire to be closer to her, be it because she wasn’t awake when he was told he is a frankenstain and therefore doesn’t see Mitsuba as the monster he sees himself, so he feels a disconnect, or because of something else, but regardless, he has convinced himself that she isn’t someone that he can care about, or isn’t someone that will care about him.

The same goes for the broadcasting club.

It is understandable why he doesn’t consider Tsukasa a friend, since despite how useful and competent Tsukasa is (he kidnaped no.4 as a present for Mitsuba, keeps him alive, gives him no.3 power and so on), he is hurtful and scary. But Natsuhiko and Sakura have shown to worry about him and go out of their way to make him happy.

They welcomed him with open arms, and they may not be perfect, but they do try to listen to him, they do care.

Natsuhiko was genuinely distressed when Mitsuba was in danger. He may be very goofy, but he tries to help enough that even Mitsuba acknowladge.

But Mitsuba does not consider Natsuhiko a friend, an annoying sibling, or anything.

No matter how desperate he should be to connect with others so he doesn’t feel empty he just... don’t.

He can’t put a label to the people he surrounds himself by, not on his own. He doesn’t cling to any bond he might have created, so he still feels alone, and with no reason to stay in the near shore.

He gave up on his current connections.

He gave up on being human and making new connections.

He would have gived up on the idea of friends as well, if it wasn’t for Kou.

Kou have a lot of power over him, and Mitsuba want to be Kou’s friend very badly but he was basically told point blank Kou doesn’t feel comfortable calling him in specific a friend.

He does get his hopes up after Kou jumps off the roof for him in picture perfect, but throughout all of the manga, Kou never called him a friend, he only ever called Sousuke a friend.

So once Mitsuba’s body started be unable to hold itself together, and he had to eat supernaturals to stay around, any kind of hope grew too troubling, not worth the pain and self hate of merely existing, so Mitsuba gave up on being his friend. He decided he just doesn’t care anymore. About anything

Or so he told himself.

The moment he sees Kou all happy to see him and worried about his health, he can’t look him in the eye. He either doesn’t have the courage to hurt his feelings (cause he knows Kou's sadness makes him super uncomfortable), or his determination to die wavers.

He hold on to him, and instead of giving up on this connection too, his ‘last wish’ is to spend time with Kou.

He still clearly want to be Kou’s friend, or more than friends, he just didn’t want to think about it.

The penguin destruction wouldn’t have distressed him so much otherwise. The idea of going to a festival with Kou wouldn’t be useful if Mitsuba didn’t get excited and looked forward to hanging out with Kou.

[child-of-the-danube]

So this is truly it, huh? Just like that, no more Doom Patrol?

I don't think I can completely explain how I feel about the show as a whole and how much it means to me, but this final episode just left me empty for both good and bad reasons.

WARNING!!! SPOILERS INCOMING!! DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE EPISODE YET!

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The whole Immortus/Butts resolution felt like such a cop-out. Immortus just going "Nah, you know what, I'm fine. Here's your longevity. Oh, and I'm besties with the Butts now. Too-da-loo 🥰" after being presented as their biggest threat ever? Meh

It would have been more cathartic had they somehow defeated Immortus when she was occupied with the Butts and got the longevity thingy off her neck to then run home only to find Rita already dead with Laura frozen with shock/grief beside her. To have them think they managed one more victory but with their biggest loss yet. And for Rita and Laura, the moments before she died could have been used to have a proper conversation and resolution between them. I would have loved if the final scene between them (and with alive non-ghost Rita in general) would have been Laura bringing her the Immortus nail just for Rita to decline cause she's at peace with dying. Even a simple "You're forgiven" would have been enough. And what was the point of telling Laura she's part of the Doom Patrol now to go "Yeah, you should all go your own way now" five minutes after she kicked the bucket???

Vic's ending was expected. It was obvious from the start that he would make it. And I'm glad cause he deserves happiness and to build a future that HE feels is right for him finally.

I'm also delighted Jane (a.k.a just K now) got her happiness both within herself and with Casey. And she's the only one we saw on screen saying goodbye to at least one person properly. Her and Cliff's realtionship was one of my absolute favourite things about the show.

Seems I managed to guess Larry's ending almost exactly. It was so sweet and beautiful. He didn't just return to space with Keeg but Rama as well. Can't lie, I've shed some tears during that scene. And his moment with ghost Rita... 12/10 wouldn't change anything about it

Cliff's ending is my favourite and the one that got me bawling my eyes out. "It's ok. I made it home" Uhm, excuse me?????? How dare the writers break my heart like that???? I am unwell and will need 5-7 business days to recover from it. Poetic, beautiful, amazing, showstopping etc. I love Cliff so fucking much

Dorothy who? Guess she just fell off the Earth after Immortimas

Also, Shelley? Never heard of her. Try looking in the woods when it gets foggy maybe 🤷

I guessed Rita would definitely die too but her whole "Each of you will be better off on your own" turnaround just didn't sit right with me. She's the one that spent her life keeping this little, broken, miserable bunch of just the unluckies motherfuckers known to the world together and managed to create a family that loves and supports eachother to death and THIS is her conclusion?? That they should just disband? Nope, not buying it. I guess it's somehow a way of telling that now the one that held them together, the heart of the show if you will, is gone that it's all done but I feel like that's a an insult to the rest of them and to the strength of their bond. Yes, Rita's insistence brought them together at first, but they've grown and gotten close so much since then even without her interfering in their one-on-one relationships. It just doesn't feel right. I also knew we'd get a Malcolm reunion scene but am I the only one that doesn't really care about him? Tbh, we didn't get to know much about him beside the fact that he was Rita's lover that tragically died. I just can't care about a character I know nothing about. I guess have fun posthumously frolicking in a field, Rita and Malcolm 🤷

So Jane got Casey and her sanity, Larry got Keeg and Rama, Vic got his friends and students, Cliff got see his family, their future and die peacefully beside them, Rita got to reunite with the love of her life in eternity and Laura got to, uhm, *checks notes*, play with a flamethrower? Like, ok, I do dig that she got to destroy the place that ruined her whole life guns a-blazing but what exactly does she get to do later on? The ones who remained alive all got someone to share their new found joy with, a proper plan for the future, they're at peace. Laura didn't get to neither truly reconcile with Rita, nor the Sisterhood, and now the only people she felt close to either died or went their own way without a true goodbye. What, pray tell, does her future look like beside, once again, loneliness and grief???? I fucking hated her ending. Give us a Laura de Mille spin-off, you cowards. Make it right...

[cozzzynook]

Au where Bumblebee was a war frame living on a neutral colony where pre!triple changer Blitzwing meets him and start dating. (I like to imagine the reason they met was because Bee is a weapons engineer and Blitz sought him out to commission what later became his hyperfrost emitter cannon :3, but you can change that if you like)

One day, while Blitz is away on deployment, Bees colony is attacked and he gets forcefully drafted into the autobots. After getting reformatted he’s thrown into boot camp as a form of “rehabilitation”, where he befriends Bulkhead and Longarm and makes enemies with Wasp and Sentinel. There’s a whole uno reverse with Wasp being the one to claim Bee the spy, but he doesn’t find any evidence. Any time he does find something condemning, it disappears soon after (curtesy of SW). After many escape attempts, disubordination and pranks, Bee gets branded a failure and thrown onto a space fairing crew to get him off of Cybertron and out of sight. Bulkhead follows soon after the tower incident. Both of them agree to keep his previous frame status a secret from the others.

Then the rest happens per usual and they are all on earth. Idk if they’d recognize each other immediately, but they would notice similarities between them and their old frames. Poor Blitz is hit with the surprise that his honey bee is not only alive but also an autobot, and Bee is struggling not to run and embrace the big bot in front of his team while also feeling self conscientious over his small frame.

AAAHHHHHHH I’M IN LOVE WITH THIS!!!!!!

My romantic & tragic loving heart says yes they know EXACTLY who the other is because in between times Bumblebee helped Blitzwing het used to his large warframe & learned with him how to get used to the personalities. Found ways to help silence the voices and even how each can have their turn so to speak so it’s not all chaos. He loves Blitzwing personalities & quirks & triple changer abilities & downfalls and all!

Blitzwing falls even more in Love with him & when Bumblebee was forced to join the autobots he never stopped looking for him!

They were freshly bonded before Bee was taken and so Bee kept being insubordinate to get kicked out so he could find Blitzwing and be freed!

But then the events happen & the moment they see each other on the battlefield they get away from the others & reunite!

Bee feels bad but he chooses his sparkmate! Megatron already knew who Bee was on the ship its why he didn’t try to offline him when Bee got close & made that joke! Bee was also giving him a signal & Megatron realized!

Bee and Blitzwing go off on there own for a while & bee’s team are worried but he comms them telling them he’s fine he just needs to be alone for a while!

He feels bad but he doesn’t want to be branded a traitor but he also doesn’t want to be apart of either faction! He prefers creating things be it a medical lab tool or a weapon! He never wanted to join either side & understood where both were coming from!

It was something a lot of the cons admired about him even though they wanted him to join their side! He truly is easily likable even if he is a brat he’s a loving brat!

I’m sorry i got carried away but i love this idea!!! Bee really would be insecure on his size but blitzwing would love him no matter his size.

“You took care of me when you were my size so now its my turn to take care of you.”

But bee is like, “nah we can take care of each other!”

He’s an engineer he’s resourceful making things to help Blitz who both loves & hates it because he just wants to spoil his hummel!

Thank you for this this made my day

[storycraftcafe]

SO what’s your process for creating characters? Especially supporting cast who are important but not influential in the plot? Walk me through it!!

Hey Buddies!

Hokai so Character Creation is a big big ass subject and a very important one. To quote Chuck Wendig: “Stories are soylent green, they’re made of people”. And if you take even a glance at fandoms you’d see how important characters are to readers and fans. Characters are how we step into story and these wonderful worlds writers create, they’re what we connect to, empathise with and so on.

I like to break character’s down into three groups: Main Characters, usually our hero, main villain, any POV characters or live interests. Side Characters, the protag’s friends, allies, love interests, smaller antagonists. And supporting characters, everyone else that fills up the world and makes it feel alive and gives it depth. 

So if we’re gonna focus on side and supporting characters, there’s a few key things to remember:

Characters aren’t just people, they’re tools in our storytelling kits. While we should seek to make them feel alive, we need to remember their purpose and function in the story. 

All characters save for the once and done ones you make up on the fly like that barista with a bad attitude or the kindly bus driver should have some depth, positive traits, flaws and at least a suggestion of change, if only in how readers and pov characters see them. 

Draw from life but don’t copy from life. 

It can be so easy to slip into cliche and offensive stereotypes so it’s vital to be mindful about what kind of character’s you’re putting on the page and how you’re using them. Some stories are not yours to tell and that’s okay.

Finally to be perfectly honest, a lot of this for me is kind of instinctual. Some of my favourite side characters popped up out of nowhere and had at most a sentence in my outline telling me their purpose. But I’ll try to explain my thought process.

When I’m planning or writing a story and the need for a Side character comes up (a protagonist’s friend or neighbour, coworker, boss,) someone that’s gonna have some influence on the pov character, that we’ll see more than once I try to settle on their purpose.

Are they an ally? A friend? A helpful neighbour? Are they this asshole down the street that has conflicts with the pov character? A henchman of the bad guy? Are they there to help or hinder or be a foil or a mirror?

Say we have a protagonist who is kind of isolated and withdrawn. She’s gone through some shit, has trauma from before the story but their character arc isn’t about struggling through the dark alone but learning to make bonds, to finding their own people and community. They’re gonna need some nice side characters to help with that. Someone she can bump into a lot and form those beginning connections with.

Off the top of my head that means neighbours, either immediate or down the street/hall, people that frequent the same places she will like the cafe on the corner, wherever she works, etc. Let’s go with neighbours. Maybe… Older nosey neighbours, the kind that’d chat over the fence or bustle by to say hi and welcome and offer something baked.

Right off the bat, I get a bunch of ideas, my brain throwing at me examples I’ve seen or read of before either as they are or recombined into new ones. I see Wilfred from Dr Who, Carl from Up, a bunch of Karens (male and female) from social media, people that I’ve known in real life, including my own Grandmother. And I think about this character’s purpose.

 I want them to be an ally, someone that helps my protag along their personal journey. That’d mean they’d have to be friendly, warm, good hearted, but a bit nosey and probably very stubborn to get past the walls my protag has thrown up. My mind clicks onto the archetype of a grumpy old man, all bristle and hot air but caring. No nonsense, no bullshit, calls it like he sees it but not tactless.

I like this idea but I don’t stop here. I keep poking at it like I’m building something from lego without a plan, putting things on, taking them off. Maybe this guy is a widower and just as lonely as our protagonist. Maybe a grandfather estranged from family but wishing he could have done better. Maybe his wife is still alive but they never had kids.

Eventually, I settle on this idea of the two old love birds, no kids but they like to take in strays. Meaning they keep an eye out for anyone alone and offer a welcome. Nothing pushy, just the ‘neighbourly thing’ to do. Then it’s just what they look like (He’s broad and blocky, strong in his youth, and she’s small and petite with eyes magnified by thick glasses), what their basic personality is like (he’s a grump but sincere, she’s sweet but mischievously sassy and they bicker for fun), maybe things like heritage(Italian-American, Irish, maybe Eastern European), health concerns(he has arthritic knees and a replaced hip and uses a cane, she maybe had breast cancer), habits, etc and that’s enough for me to go off.

I only really understand my characters after I’ve written them for a bit, so try them out in a few scenes and see how you like them.

This is also where I double check my work for stereotypes, especially when working with identities and so on beyond my own experience. I highly recommend you double check with people belonging to those groups, or refer to one of the blogs on tumblr that act as a point of reference like WritingWithColor. Be humble and open to learning with this.

If you really want to go further, you can give them an arc of their own.  Maybe they have their own struggles you wanna touch on that could flesh out the story, give your protagonist a chance to do something in return. Maybe a problem that reflects the main conflict but on a micro scale. But the trick here is the audience doesn’t need to see all of it, just the changes that matter and serve the greater story.

And of course as always, sometimes my plans explode in my face and I have to adapt. I’ve made these characters up on the fly when I realised I needed one, I’ve also cut them from the story or combined two or even three into one, or I realised I needed a friend to be an enemy. I’ve even had to take really minor supporting characters and upgrade them, or downgrade side characters.

To create very minor supporting characters, I do the same just with way less detail. 

Maybe my protag is taking the train and there’s another passenger that’s kind of a rude entitled business guy and we get to see some tasty petty revenge or he just makes a bad day worse. Or there’s a cafe our protag always goes to and there’s this barista she maybe says hi to and shares compliments with who notices a change for better or worse.

These super minor characters I really just make up as I go and as I need. They’re really simple and I like to use them to emphasise a mood I’m going for, to break it up or to highlight just how my POV character is feeling or in denial about.

Like any part of writing , character creation is a skill you can practise and develop over time. 

And one part of this skill I am constantly mindful about is making these characters diverse, but respectful. With these simple ideas it’s so easy to slip into harmful stereotypes and I feel writers have a responsibility to be as mindful as we can, to constantly learn and try to do better.

If you made it this far, go get yourself a treat, have some water and feel free to ask more questions if you have any.

 Good writing!

[niceminipotato]

I have the last instalment of my little PRIDE fic thing I was doing for June. And yes I know it's been July for more than a week but we queer every day so it's whatever. Anyway in this one we have my own ship from the ACOTAR series from Sarah J Maas. It's for Nesta and Morrigan. Yes I know they both have people, well at least Nesta does. I love Emerie and Morrigan so don't come at me. Still though, I like Mor and Nesta and I really don't like how they have barely any interactions but that's ok I made some here hehe. Enjoy and don't hate too much k. ;)

PRIDE - Effortless

The House of Wind felt different. Ever since a certain Made being had taken residence in it. For some reason it felt alive. It had before, but now it was as if it was a sentient being. It was curious that in all the time spent in the house it had never felt this way until now. 

Curtains were drawn in the study letting natural light in. The veritas sat atop the desk waiting to draw her memories and play them back to Nesta. To teach her dances of the Night Court so that she may use her charms on Eris. 

At least that was what Rhysand had said. She had accepted of course. She would do anything to aid her cousin, her High Lord. Yet Morrigan loathed the fact that she would be throwing the newly Made female to the lions. It irked her that she had been tasked with giving Nesta the tools which could very well place a target on her back. 

Morrigan had always kept her distance from Nesta. 

At first it had to do with the fact that she, like everyone else, blamed her for letting a child like Feyre be the one to protect them when she was entirely able to do it herself. After getting to know them though, her opinion of the eldest Archeron sister changed. It was still not right for Nesta to put the burden solely on Feyre as she had done for so many years but she could understand why Nesta had allowed it. 

Some time later, when a human Nesta went into the cauldron and emerged a High Fae the reason to keep her distance shifted. Morrigan could tell Nesta hated everything about the change. The new fae kept everyone but her younger sister at arms length. She wanted nothing to do with them or their court and did her best to create a barrier around herself and her sister. Thus Morrigan had stayed away and only watched her from afar. 

Now, the reasons for the distance were something different altogether. There was the fact that even though she was well aware there was nothing she could have done, Nesta’s father had perished right under their noses. She knew the female did not blame any of them and neither did the rest of the Archeron sisters but there was always a tiny irrational part of herself that told her she should have been able to save him. 

And then there was the reason she kept buried deep within herself. The reason why she kept as far away from her as she possibly could. The reason that kept her from helping Nesta even knowing how broken she was. 

At some point in those short months stuck watching over Elaine and Nesta before Feyre had returned, something inside of her changed. The one thing she thought she would never feel. Something so deep it felt painful to hide. Something she could not allow. Especially after confirming with her own eyes that her best friend and Nesta were destined to be. 

Nesta and Cassian were mates. Their bond was unbreakable, sacred. And Morrigan could not, would not, get in the way of something like that. She had no right. Helping Nesta heal fell to Cassian not her. Even it felt like dying to look within her grey eyes. Even though Nesta’s pain shined through in a way that made it hard to breathe Morrigan had to stay away. Who could stand in the way of such a bond.

“You’re here.”

Morrigan took a deep breath before turning to the door, where Nesta now stood. “I’m here.”

Nesta nodded and walked in, her steps toward her felt hesitant, almost strained, but Morrigan did not comment on them. She took the veritas in her hands and moved closer to the other female. The orb of truth was cool to the touch but it was the magic within she could feel throbbing at her fingertips.

“This is the veritas. You’ve seen it before. It’s imbued with truth magic. I shall be using it to show you the dances. If you have any questions ask.” She kept her words short and to the point in order to draw a clear line between them. 

Wordlessly, Nesta came closer, her grey eyes drawn to the orb. Music filled the air as her memories played in the veritas. The Night Court came into view after a second. The ballroom was full of High Fae and a waltz was playing. Nesta watched the scene unfold silently, her eyes glinting in wonder. 

Morrigan had never witnessed that before, the look on her face sent her heart into a gallop. Before long the scene shifted to another then another. Those grey eyes were glued to the orb in her hands and Morrigan thanked the mother for it. 

As time went on she could feel Nesta coming closer in an attempt to get a better view and for once Morrigan allowed herself to enjoy their proximity. Nesta’s scent flowed to her, tickling her nose and it was then that the atmosphere changed. 

Suddenly the veritas glowed and went dark, taking away the music and the dance. Nesta threw her a questioning glance and Morrigan only shrugged, halting any hateful words which may come out. She put the veritas down and took a few steps away doing her best to clear the scent of her nose. Not because it was Nesta’s, no. But because mixed with that sweet scent was Cassian’s. 

“Something the matter?” Nesta asked. 

“No. But you’ll need to change out of those training leathers if you want to practice. Go bathe and put on a simple dress. I can wait.”

“Bathe?” Nesta looked at her as if she had somehow grown a second head. “I suppose I can do that. I’ll be back soon.”

“Right.” 

As soon as Nesta left the room Morrigan released a deep breath. The scents lingered in her nose making her twitch slightly. With a defeated sigh she made her way towards the window sill and sat quietly. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts she could not control. 

Nesta and Cassian under the same roof and practically alone. Of course things would progress that way between mates, even those who did not acknowledge it to anyone else. It had taken them long enough, had it not? 

A strange presence brought her out of her thoughts. It did not feel threatening in any way but it was there. Glancing behind her she noticed a small table atop which a small bowl full of roasted coffee beans sat. 

Morrigan stared at the bowl in confusion. It had not been there before and she had not requested it yet it was there. The longer she looked at it the more confused she became. Why coffee beans? 

When the rich scent reached her slightly chasing away Nesta and Cassian it clicked. Aware she would more than likely sound crazy she spoke to the house as if it were a person. 

“Is this to help clear the smell?”

The fireplace sparked to life for a moment before going back out. 

“I’m assuming that was a yes?” 

At her question the fire flared then extinguished again. 

“So you truly are alive. That is… pretty amazing.” Morrigan found herself smiling before taking a coffee bean and bringing it close to her nose. “Thanks.” Her voice came out softly.

In response she felt one of the curtains draping softly over her shoulder. Morrigan gasped softly wondering if the house, this being she never noticed, understood why she was grateful. The curtains shifted slightly as if they were trying to comfort her. In all her years she had never experienced this but rather than question it she embraced it.

“How complicated are we, huh?” She chuckled bitterly and the house responded through the fireplace just as before. “What can we do? The heart does as it wishes. You wouldn’t understand that. Would you?” She expected the fire but only silence greeted her. “I did not mean to offend. Sorry.” The curtain shifted and she smiled. “Would you happen to know of a way that could help with the scent as we work together?” In an instant another bowl of beans appeared, making her laugh. “Sticking those in my nose would not be very subtle.”

Both bowls disappeared and she sighed as she thought she would have the steel herself in order to deal with the mixed scents. She could do it. She was The Morrigan. She could do anything. 

“This will not be good.”

As she rubbed at her temples a new smell began to permeate the area. Vanilla mixed with mint and wood wafted around her. She thanked the Mother and their ancestors for creating a place such as this.

“Thank you.” She breathed out reverently.

The curtain shifted on her shoulder before dropping altogether just as the door to the study swung open. Nesta walked in wearing a simple long purple dress. Where her golden brown hair had been almost coming out of her braided crown now it sat perfectly within the confines of the braid. Her grey eyes searched the study before finally landing on her.

“Would this work?” 

The other female sounded a bit annoyed and Morrigan did her best not to grin, “works great. Shall we?” She offered her hand to Nesta while waving the other towards the veritas.

Reluctantly Nesta took her hand just before a waltz began to play. Together they moved through the cadences of the music. Morrigan was surprised at how the other female had completely memorized the dance from just one or two runs. She had heard from the Archeron sisters, mainly Elaine, that Nesta was an artist when it came to dancing. Truthfully, if Morrigan were not experiencing this she would not have believed it.

They continued on for another couple of hours, stopping on the few rare occasions where Nesta needed more instruction. By the end of their lesson Morrigan was well spent, not because of the dancing-never because of the dancing-but because being this close, actually touching Nesta was driving her insane. She had not missed the way Nesta let a few smiles into her face as she got lost in the music. At those moments Morrigan had done her best to not react and ignore the other female in her arms.

“Same time tomorrow?” Nesta asked before making her way out and at Morrigan’s nod she left.

Once she was gone Morrigan went back to sit at the windowsill. Elbows on her knees while cradling her face she let out a groan. A gentle thud had her raising her head and she let out another groan when she found a new bowl of coffee beans.

“Hilarious.” She rolled her eyes and she had no idea why but she felt as though she could hear the teasing giggling from the house. “This is going to be a nightmare. Please make sure to mask the scent tomorrow and every day after.” 

“Talking to yourself now?”

She almost jumped out of her skin at her friend’s voice. “By the cauldron, Az! What are you even doing here?” 

“I am your ride remember?” He chuckled. “Unless you changed your mind and would rather stay.”

“No. Fly me high enough that I can winnow.” 

“Why do you want to teleport when I can fly you wherever you need?” He sounded offended by the mere request.

At his tone she groaned internally. “Please just fly me past the wards.”

“Fine.”

“Az-” She began but he interrupted.

“I’ll be at the terrace when you’re ready.” 

He replied coldly and though she wanted to be a friend she also needed him to understand that a friend was all she wanted and needed from him. Letting out a defeated sigh she rose and looked back down at the coffee beans then rolled her eyes.

“So very funny. See you tomorrow.”

The fire bloomed to life for an instant and the curtains fluttered so she waved at nothing in particular before stepping out of the study.

***

Days of dance lessons turned into weeks and Morrigan felt proud of herself for making it thus far. The House of Wind had been very nice to her, always trying to mask the intermingled scents of Nesta and Cassian with a different variation of smells. She was certain without its help all the time spent beside the other female for their lessons would have been a living nightmare. Oh, she was tremendously grateful.

Nesta had been a stupendous student, learning every dance that came her way. Morrigan had told everyone as much. The Archeron sisters had been happy with that while everyone else still seemed skeptical. She had expected that though, since she herself had been the same way. But then she supposed once they saw it then they would understand what she meant.

In all the time spent in lessons no one had attempted to spy on them, not Azriel and thankfully not Cassian. She knew having either of them present would be a distraction in one way or another. Cassian had however asked her to teach him a few dances. Morrigan was well aware of the reason and though she felt guilty she used her teasing as a way to deter him. Watching him leave muttering to himself had her releasing a breath she had not known she was holding. 

Guilt gnawed at her for days, after she had refused to help him. But the thought of aiding in their closeness would more than likely break her. Thus she swallowed her guilt and continued to enjoy the last few days she had left dancing away with Nesta. 

The time spent together had been strange. It was true they did not speak much. Then again what was there to say when the music and their bodies did the speaking. One too many times Nesta had stolen her breath as she smiled and closed her eyes letting the music take care of them. Each time they danced it was as though the female was set free, her steps precise yet flowing together in harmony. 

***

Time flew and the day of Winter Solstice arrived and it came down to her to prepare Nesta. It was painful to do. She had to think of Eris and what would most appeal to him. Nesta had requested she at least wore something less revealing than what Feyre and Morrigan herself would wear. The request did help her slightly. 

Once she finished fixing every little detail and she took a step back to admire her work she felt the wind leave her. Nesta looked breathtakingly beautiful. The black gown accentuated her curves, silver embroidered patterns dotted around the snuggly velvet bodice as its flowy skirts swooshed the floor. Golden brown hair sat braided around her head as if it were a crown and above it a glimmering black stone tiara rested with small sapphires at its spikes. 

“Can I see now?” Nesta asked, wringing her fingers as if she were nervous. A rather uncharacteristic thing coming from her. 

“Uh-yes. Yes, of course.” Morrigan cleared her throat, trying mightily to calm her heartbeat. “A mirror please.” 

At her request one appeared and Nesta took a step towards it so that she could finally see. A gasp came from her but nothing else. The female only admired herself in the mirror without uttering a word. Morrigan wrung her fingers as now it was her who felt nervous.

“Do you like it?” She asked tentatively.

Running her hands down her sides, Nesta let out a tiny smile, “like it? I look… I look like…” Her voice died out as she tried to figure out how to describe it.

“Like the Queen of Night.” Morrigan supplied at which Nesta turned to face her. “I think it fitting.”

“Also like death incarnate.” Nesta chuckled to which she hummed.

“Night. Death. Powerful. Stunning. You are all of those things and that is more than ok.”

At her words that silver flame swirled in Nesta’s eyes, making Morrigan gasp slightly. The female flinched and looked away as if trying to calm her dark magic. As Morrigan saw the fear of rejection take over Nesta she took a step forward. 

Slowly and carefully Morrigan reached out as if the female were some spooked creature ready to bolt at an instant. Nesta tensed slightly when she reached under her chin so that she could raise her head.

“Your magic does not scare me. I respect it. However, that is not why I reacted the way I did.” 

The magic swirling Nesta’s eyes calmed and went out leaving only her natural sparkly grey behind while the rigidness on her shoulders ebbed away, “then?”

Morrigan cursed at herself for even saying anything in the first place but she had to continue. She just could not bring herself to leave Nesta like that. While it was true that she would rather keep her distance from her, watching that sliver of hope in grey eyes vanish was not something she could do.

“Your darkness doesn’t scare me. People like to forget I am a child of The Court of Nightmares and though I am also a dreamer it doesn’t mean I don’t share in the dark.” She smiled. “We all have that Nesta. No one is exempt. That spark of magic you hide may not be light but it is beautiful.”

Nesta swallowed, her eyes fixed on her watching her intently before tearing her gaze away and whispering softly. “Thank you.”

They stood in silence a while longer, Morrigan still holding her chin up and Nesta seemingly enjoying the touch, until there was a knock on the door. As if burned they jumped away from each other and turned towards the door as it opened. Morrigan hoped their awkwardness was not as palpable to others as it was to her. 

Feyre poked her head through and smiled as she admired her sister. The High Lady of the Night Court looked as beautiful as ever, her baby bump noticeable at last. Tonight’s celebration would serve as the perfect excuse to finally announce to the world the baby on the way. 

“You look beautiful, Nesta.” Feyre smiled brightly while Nesta let a small smile onto her face. 

“Thank you. I have to go check something first. See you at the terrace.” 

With that the oldest Archeron sister left, not even a glance back to her. Morrigan was unsure as to what had just occurred between them but she was well aware that the same could not happen again.

“You two make a good pair.” Feyre sent her a knowing smirk.

Morrigan snapped her attention back to her High Lady, “what are you talking about?”

“Oh you know perfectly well what I’m talking about. You may be ancient but you’re not as subtle as you think.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Ok. Then let me be clear.” Feyre chuckled. “You and my sister would make a wonderful couple.”

Morrigan felt the wind leave her sails as she trembled before Feyre. For a moment fear clouded her thoughts. She tried uselessly to find a hint of disapproval or repulsion on her High Lady’s expression but there was nothing.

“Mor, it’s ok.” Her voice was soft and gentle.

Surprised, Morrigan looked at Feyre and shook her head. “How would any of this be ok?”

“You and Nes-”

“Stop. Have you any idea what you are implying? Do you understand that-”

“I understand that you have feelings for my sister. Feelings that go farther and run deeper than any bond.” Feyre walked closer and brushed away the tears Morrigan had not known she was shedding. “Why are you denying them?”

“Enough.” Morrigan pulled away, clearing her face of errant tears and turning away from her High Lady. “Cassian has gone through too much. Entirely too much has been taken away from him. I refuse to take any more.”

“Shouldn’t Nesta have a say on this decision?”

“She has also suffered through enough I will not be the cause of any more suffering. Besides she and Cassian, they-”

“You know, I thought we’d have so much trouble with the glamour to mask the scents.” Feyre’s words made her turn back around while pain singed every part of her. 

“I did not think you would be this cruel.”

“It was no trouble, actually. We thought his scent would linger but it looks like she hasn’t been with him. She’s been abstinent ever since you started your lessons. Why do you think that is?” Feyre tilted her head with her question.

A spark of hope ignited within Morrigan but just as quickly it died out. She could not allow herself to hope. She could not allow herself to wish. Allowing herself to believe that maybe something could come of this was a sure way to break herself. 

“Again. I did not think you would be this cruel.”

“Mor-”

“Please, stop. I do not require a matchmaker, Feyre. Especially not one that wants to lead me to pain.”

“I’m not trying-”

“You are!” Morrigan exclaimed and watched a flash of hurt and guilt pass through her friend and High Lady’s eyes. “I know you mean well. But please, no more.”

“I’m sorry, Mor.” Feyre fiddled with her fingers before coming closer. “Can I just say one more thing?”

“You will either way.” Morrigan let out a sigh. “Go on.”

“We are human.” Feyre began and Morrigan only watched her confusedly, making her chuckle. “Well, we are fae but we began as humans. We think as humans. We behave as humans. We feel as human. In my case the pull I feel to Rhys is only intensified by what my human heart feels for him. Our bond is there and it's true but had he not won my heart I don’t think it would be as it is now.” She allowed the words to sink in before continuing on. “I’m not saying Cass can’t do that too but to me it looks like Nesta’s heart hasn’t and won’t be won by him.”

“You talk as if this were a competition. Nesta is not some prize to be won.”

“It was just an analogy. Still you're right. She’s not some trophy to be won. She’s a person with a complicated heart and feelings. And I can say all I want about who I think is better with her but it’s Nesta who will choose in the end.” Feyre smiled. “Anyway, I’m sorry for making you hurt. I just want you to be happy, Mor, and if my sister does that then I want you to know I’m happy with it.”

“What about our friend? Cassian is important.”

“He is and so are you. You are both my friends and I will be there for the both of you.” Feyre rubbed her arm before linking it with hers. “Let’s go. Rhys is calling.”

Morrigan looked at her with a frown. Usually if Rhysand sent a message to her mind she would hear him as clearly as if he were next to her. “I must have missed him.”

Feyre chuckled. “Oh he tried, but your mental shield is pretty dense right now. We would need to force our way through.”

“Oh, I-”

“It’s fine. I know what you’re guarding in there. But enough of that. Let’s go before he comes on a hunt.”

***

Enchanting. Ethereal. Enthralling. 

Morrigan stood frozen to the spot as she watched Nesta dance. She had heard that the Illyrians referred to her as a witch and watching her now, Morrigan was inclined to agree with them. The eldest Archeron sister had enraptured the entirety of the Court of Nightmares. Chatter had died out and only the music remained while all eyes were on the dancing high fae. Nesta was a witch and she had bewitched them all. Ensnared them with her movements and seized their every thought.

Eris looked ecstatic and Morrigan wanted nothing more than to drag the son of autumn through the pits of hell. Nesta was doing a wonderful job of wrapping him around her little finger. Despite knowing it was just for show, the smiles and coy glances made her blood boil. 

“Control yourself, girl.”

Morrigan’s gaze snapped away from the dancing pair and focused on the short female beside her, “I did not expect you to come, Amren.”

“Neither did I. I was only-”

“Worried about your protege and friend.” Morrigan cut her with a smirk.

“Silence.” Amren glared at her and Morrigan could not help but chuckle at the female’s inability to accept her feelings. “As I was saying, you need to control that ire. It is seeping through the fake smile.”

“I have no idea what-”

“Save us both the time and just accept it.” Amren threw her an exasperated glance. “At first I thought it was just the natural disdain for that waste of space from autumn. However it seems to me it is not only the past anger that is consuming you but the fact that the autumn thrash is dancing with her.”

“Quiet.” Morrigan glared at her.

“The bat boys may not see it but I see it clear as day, girl.” Amren shrugged then focused back on the dancing pair. “The Queen of Death and the Queen of Truth together would rip the world from its hinges.” The short female looked back at her and grinned devilishly. “I think I would enjoy the chaos such a union would bring. See you later.”

“A-are you not staying?” Morrigan stuttered and crossed her arms across her chest.

“I grow bored of this place. She is an amazing dancer but I have had enough of watching. Besides, she is rather well protected.” 

With that the tiny ancient one disappeared, leaving Morrigan alone with her thoughts. She turned her attention back to Nesta and Eris and noticed how Azriel was trying his best to control Cassian. Morrigan could not decide if his jealousy stemmed from love or the territorialism that came with the mate bond. She knew where her jealousy and anger stemmed from and she hated that it came from that. Feyre and Amren’s words ringed in her ears as she watched Nesta but she knew even with their words of encouragement she could do nothing but distance herself once more. It was in the shadows and she belonged. She was meant to reside only in the outskirts of Nesta’s life. 

A servant walked by and she snatched a cocktail, downing it almost immediately, before tearing her gaze away from the female she had recklessly allowed herself to love.

***

Morrigan found herself alone in the balcony of the River House gazing up at the stars. She would never tire of this view. In all of her travels she had never found such a beautiful sight. Then again, this was the Night Court and as such the nights full of twinkly stars and shining moon were meant to be breathtaking.

The gift exchange had gone as predicted and everyone seemed so happy. Laughter and music spilled from the open door and though Winter Solstice was her favorite time of year she could not exactly join in the festivities. Her thoughts were flooded by just one person and that person sat next to her best friend with a soft smile.

It pained her to feel the way she felt. She hated the jealousy that crawled over her skin and heated her blood. It was not fair to anyone much less them. But watching them together hurt too much and made her so angry. She had kept her distance for so long but a mere few weeks undid the lock she had placed on her feelings long ago. 

Why? Why must she feel all of this? Was this truly what she was destined to? A life of solitude. Always standing outside and looking in. Getting a glimpse of what she could have but never would.

“Aren’t you cold out here?”

A gasp escaped her and she flinched at the voice, her voice. Turning back towards the door she found herself staring into those grey eyes. The beautiful dress and equally stunning tiara were long gone despite this Nesta still looked like a queen. Her dress was simple yet elegant. Its soft silk was deep night sky blue, the collar sat just below her collarbone and its long sleeves hugged her arms tightly with tiny diamonds framing the end of the sleeves. 

“I was looking for you. Is this a bad time?” Nesta asked, carefully watching her every movement.

Morrigan swallowed all her pain and smiled. “Not at all. What can I do for you?” 

“I wasn’t able to get anyone a gift. I don’t exactly have money just yet but-”

“Nesta, you need not give me or anyone any gifts. I am happy you are here. Your sisters have a different light about them tonight. I know for certain it is thanks to you.” Morrigan grinned. “I think your presence is a gift enough for them.”

“Cassian said something like that.”

At the mention of the male Morrigan was once more swallowing down her pain and softly began, “he is right. Do not tell him I said that.” 

“I won’t.” Nesta chuckled lightly before biting her bottom lip. “I heard you are leaving.”

Morrigan noted a hint of sadness at her tone but decided to ignore it. “That is correct. As the envoy of the Night Court, I need to bolster our relations as well as get allies for these coming battles.” Nesta said something but her voice was so soft that Morrigan had a hard time hearing her. “Pardon?”

“When?”

“When what?”

“When are you leaving, Morrigan?” Her voice came out hard and almost snapish.

“Tomorrow most likely.” Morrigan frowned.

“So soon?” Nesta asked, taking a step closer.

“I have work to do.”

“Y-you should rest.”

“I have been resting.” Morrigan watched her shift in demeanor and she could not understand why she now seemed so distraught. “Are you alright, Nesta?”

“I need to give you your gift.”

“W-what?”

“Could you come with me?” Nesta fiddled with one of her sleeves while looking at the floor.

“I suppose?” 

With that the other female turned and marched into the house. Utterly confused, Morrigan only followed after her.

They silently walked down the hallway, the laughter, conversations, and music slowly fading away until they reached the library. Nesta opened the door and motioned for her to step inside. Still confused but wanting to find out just what Nesta wanted to give her, Morrigan stepped into the room. 

The high ceiling of the library had been glamoured to mirror the night sky above. Stars twinkled and danced and Morrigan reached to touch them. As her finger brushed against one it went shooting the other way as if it had been a shooting star. 

Nesta drew her attention by clearing her throat. “There is a dance we never did. I learned on my own. You showed me a few times but we never did do it.” 

“The Specere.” Morrigan whispered.

“Yes. The mirror, isn’t it?”

A rush of pain and sorrow threatened to swallow her whole and she bit down the whimper that was rising in her throat. “D-do you know of its origin”

Nesta frowned and shook her head.

“We have been told that the dance was created by two high fae. They were deeply in love but they were not meant to be. At least by their family standards the two just did not fit together, not in their eyes. In defiance they made a dance. Each time a song played they would dance, following each other’s stances and movements. There was never a right or wrong move yet somehow they mirrored each other with precision. It is said that their love was what moved them in perfect synchrony.” Morrigan looked at the ceiling of the library and let out a deep breath. 

“Did they…”

“End up together?” Morrigan finished for Nesta who nodded. “Nobody knows. It is just a story.”

“So what I learned…”

“Is an interpretation of it.” She supplied for her. “The way I have seen someone dance it.”

Nesta thought for a moment before walking closer, “then let's make our own. I want this dance to be your gift.”

“Nesta-”

“Please?” 

The other female extended a hand with a hopeful look in her eyes and Morrigan found herself unable to deny her. Nesta glanced to a table and following her gaze, Morrigan found the veritas. The female before pressed her lips together and Morrigan could only laugh. She waved her hand at it and immediately music flooded the library. 

Together they danced. At the beginning Morrigan could recall the movements from what she had seen time and time before but soon enough they were dancing with their own moves. They mirrored each other perfectly and Morrigan could only smile as they did. At times they drew close only to step back and twirl. It felt as though they were lost in waves. Crashing in only to recede back. Once the song came to its final notes they stood closer than they had during their dance, their gazes locked in each other’s and a light sheet of sweat lining their skin while they panted. 

Nesta broke the silence first, “I guess the end of the story is up to us. We can decide what happens.”

“Tell me then. What happens at the end?”

“They’re together. Because to hell with their families. If their love is strong enough to reflect in their dancing, if they move together without having to utter a single word then why would they not be with each other?”

The question punched a hole through Morrigan and she could feel tears prickling her eyes. With a shaky breath she pulled away trying to calm her quick beating heart. Nesta only watched her, not saying another word. In those grey Morrigan saw things she did not understand.

“I… thank you for my gift.” She managed to say before turning away. “I should get going. I need to rest.”

Quick steps echoed through the library and a hand wrapped around hers. “What do you want from me?”

Morrigan had no idea why she was asking that but replied nonetheless. “I am in no position to ask anything of you.” She glanced over her shoulder and found her own pain reflected back.

“What if I ask for something, then?”

“I will give you anything.” Morrigan said without hesitation.

“Then if I want you to answer two questions with only the truth, will you?” There was a steely look in her grey eyes that spelled trouble but Morrigan could not help herself.

“My magic is truth. I could never taint it with a lie.” She replied softly.

“I want your word.” Nesta insisted. “For my next two questions I want only the truth without dubious answers or wordplay and in return I will give you the same.”

Morrigan tilted her head at Nesta’s wording but thought nothing of it. The other female had only been in the Night Court briefly and she would surely not know how to make a bargain, at least not one which could involve a tattoo. On top of that, Morrigan had already said she would only reply with truth.

“You have my word.”

“Then it’s a bargain.” 

At Nesta’s words, black lines etched themselves around her hand and fingers. Morrigan stood staring wide eyed as a tattoo formed on her own hand mirroring Nesta’s. She had been totally wrong when she thought Nesta would not know.

“Uh-”

“No questions yet.” Nesta cut her off quickly. “I’m part of the Night Court too. And I’m a quick learner. Now you’re bound.”

“You did not need to do this.” Morrigan stepped away from the other female.

“I want straight answers. I’ve had enough of your cousin's wordplay. Besides, even if you would not lie you may still hide things and I don’t want that.”

Panic rose to Morrigan’s chest and the thought of the questions she would be asked. She wanted to run. Run far enough that Nesta’s questions would not reach her ears. Distance, she wanted distance. She could winnow to her estate and then she would be gone and there would be no questions and no one else getting hurt.

“Please, don’t leave.” Nesta’s voice sounded so small while she pleaded that Morrigan stood still, once more unable to deny her. “It won’t be too complicated. I won’t ask you to reveal any secrets.” 

Morrigan held her hands together in front of her and tore her gaze away from Nesta before speaking, “then ask.”

“Am I…” Nesta’s voice broke slightly, making Morrigan look back at her, “am I enough?”

“You must have lost your mind in order to ask something like that.” 

Morrigan allowed her tears to slide down her cheeks. She could not comprehend how Nesta still thought so poorly of herself. How she could not see what her sisters, her friends, and she herself saw. It was incomprehensible. 

“I just need you to say it.” Nesta’s own cheeks were lined with tears, her eyes closed.

“Oh Nesta,” Morrigan gently cleared Nesta’s tears away, “you are enough. What you did in the past does not change what you are doing now. It is also true that what you are doing now does not erase your past. But the past is the past and it that is where it shall stay. So yes, you are more than enough. And you are so loved for the person that you are. I hate that you cannot see what we can.”

Bottom lip quivering Nesta took a deep breath and looked at her, “then why are you, unlike my sisters, running away from me?”

“N-Nesta please, ask something else. P-please.” Pain, physical pain laced up her arm making her wince. 

“I want to know. I want to understand.” Nesta’s gaze intensified and the swirling silver flames began to dance in her eyes. “I know what you feel for me. I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it. So tell me why, despite that, you are running away from me?”

“I-I cannot… ah!” Pain shut up her arm and into her chest.

“You have to tell me. Morrigan, you have to.”

Minutes of excruciating pain went by as she tried to fight the bargain but Nesta stood her ground and would not budge. Breathing was becoming slightly harder and she fell to her knees, the other female following suit.

“Please, Morrigan. Please, tell me.”

“Because me staying will hurt too much.” She let out heavily, feeling the pain receding. “Me staying by your side without being able to do anything else will kill me. But then, in the slight chance that you want something more that will mean others will be in pain.” Morrigan hiccuped and watched tears running down Nesta’s face while she shook her head. “It is not fair. Not for me or you or Cassian… he is your mate, Nesta. I cannot take you away from him. You two are meant to be together. Your bond-”

“To hell with the bond!” Nesta exclaimed and stood up to pace the room. “I didn’t ask for it. I get to choose. Me! Not some ancient rule that is more based on whether your offspring will be good or not. It is ridiculous that you all let some moronic thing from millenia ago dictate who you will be with. And it is not fair.” She turned back to face her, taking a deep. “Cassian is important to me. I won’t deny it. He has helped me through awful times.”

“Then what do you want from me?” Morrigan said in between whimpers as she looked at her from where she kneeled on the ground.

“I want you to stay… with me. I want you to stay.” Nesta answered quickly as if compelled to do so, which meant the bargain was still active on her side.

“Nesta…”

“I wanted to feel.” Nesta interrupted and Morrigan closed her mouth and listened. “I wanted to feel something. It sounds and is so selfish. I wanted to feel so I used him to feel. It wasn’t until he was between my legs that the numbness went away. I’d lose myself and the power thrumming beneath my skin would just stop.”

Her words clanged through Morrigan bringing way more pain than what trying to abstain from answering her had brought. “I think that is enough. There is no need for you to say anything else.” 

“But then you…” Nesta’s voice wavered, drawing Morrigan back. “You made me feel by just standing there. Even before everything happened you were a constant in my head. With him there’s always the need for more from me but you… with you everything is so different. You haven’t silenced my fire, you've embraced it. My magic doesn’t go away when I’m with you, it calms, it becomes mine. Being with you feels so effortless.” Kneeling once more before her, Nesta took her hands in her own. “You can’t leave. I need you here.”

“But Cassian-”

“Can you think about yourself now? Just yourself. Please.” Nesta cried, her tears coming down in droves. 

Morrigan shook her head, “I-”

“Ask me.” Nesta said quickly, squeezing her hands. “Ask me, Morrigan.”

Morrigan watched her, the question she wanted to ask surfacing inside her head almost instantly. Effortless, Nesta had said. Being with her felt effortless to Nesta. But Morrigan knew well that dealing with the repercussions of allowing this to happen would be anything but. They would have to deal with both Cassian and Azriel, and who knew what Rhysand thought of it all. Amren had been right, being together would bring chaos. It could divide their circle at a point in time when they needed to be closer than ever. There were too many unknowns, their very lives were being threatened as it was.

“Mor… p-please, ask me.” 

Nesta pressed her hand to Morrigan’s cheek, making her whimper at the touch. She needed Nesta. She needed her so much. And she was right, distancing themselves when something could come of this was absurd. It was not fair at all. There would be so much pain and not only for her.

“Mor.”

Taking a deep breath, Morrigan leaned into Nesta’s hand and briefly closed her eyes before opening them once more. “D-do you… do you love me?”

Nesta smiled as more tears ran down her face, “yes. I love you in a way I never thought possible.” 

Morrigan laughed softly through her tears and felt her whole body begin to tremble as Nesta grew nearer. Her scent surrounded Morrigan in an instant and unlike before she need not brace herself because the scent was just her, it was only Nesta. Their breaths mingled while Nesta now cradled her face, her touch ever so gentle as one wrong move and she would break. Then she stopped moving forward, not in hesitation but to ensure Morrigan wanted the same thing she did.

“Yes.” Morrigan whispered.

Without a second thought, Nesta’s lips were moving on top of hers and in the world there was only them. She knew Nesta’s lips were soft from looking at them but feeling their softness now was a different matter. They moved together in their own dance. It built up with each second, going from soft and chaste to intense and passionate. Morrigan had been alive for so long and had kissed so many others and yet she had never felt this. She could feel it everywhere. In the pit of her stomach. At the tip of her fingers. Rushing from her head to the bottom of her feet.

There had always been something missing and now she knew the missing piece was Nesta. Her blood rushed for her, burned for her. Her heart sang its song and her soul intermingled with hers. The kiss tore her world and formed it anew. She could not believe she wanted to run from this. By the mother, why had she waited this long? This was what she needed to finally be whole. They were not mates like Feyre and Rhysand or her own parents. But their connection to each other was just as strong.

When they finally broke away, their foreheads pressed together and panting, matching smiles etched into their faces. Morrigan knew what would come from this. The good and the bad. However, if she had Nesta she could care less about it. She knew the people they would have to face. But if she had to in order to be like this then let them come. She would face it all.

“I know the bargain is fulfilled but…” Nesta bit her lip and looked away. 

Morrigan knew what she wanted to ask already and she grinned. “I did not expect you to be this… soft.”

“I’m not soft.” Nesta glared for a few seconds before letting out a breath. “Only with you.” She admitted reluctantly. 

“I may have noticed.” Morrigan chuckled as the other female grumbled. “Nesta?”

“What?”

“I also love you.”

Nesta tried and failed to hide her smile but the moment Morrigan was going to point it out the other female stopped her with yet another kiss. Once more the world fell away, leaving only them. As they parted Morrigan watched Nesta's silly smile turn into a more smug one which made her laugh and shake her head.

“You’ll still have to go. Won’t you?” Nesta’s smile withered away.

Morrigan pulled away only to place a kiss on her forehead. “I do. What I said about being an envoy remains true. I have to bolster our relations with other territories and get us allies.”

“I see.”

“But I still need some rest.” 

“You do?”

“I do.” Morrigan watched as a smile grew once more in Nesta’s face and she mirrored it. “I need you to listen to me, alright?” At Nesta’s nod she placed a light kiss on her nose before continuing. “Even when I have to go I need you to understand that I will always come back to you. Always, Nesta.”

“You… you…” Nesta huffed slightly. “You promise?”

“I swear.”

“This is going to be messy.” Nesta mused but soon a smile illuminated her face. “But you’ll always come back to me.”

Morrigan nodded and pecked her lips just because she could. “I will always come back to you. I will not distance myself from you anymore. I swear it. Now… would you like to come rest with me?”

“Just like that?” Nessta smiled.

“I have a feeling I can just tell your sister and at least for tonight and the next few days we can delay facing the mess. Unless you would rather do it now? I will do whatever you want.”

“Let’s go rest, like you say.”

Morrigan let out a giggle which Nesta echoed. “I really do love you.”

“You know I do too.”

“I think you will enjoy Athelwood.”

“Athelwood?” 

“My home away from everyone else, where we can be alone.”

Nesta smiled devilishly, “I like the sound of that. I really like it."

"I am glad you do."

[missnobodymadness]

Myline and her relationships with the Akatsuki members

I've been procrastinating on this for weeks now but finally had the courage to do it.

I really wanted to talk about the kind of relationships that my Naruto OC, Myline, has with the rest of the Akatsuki members.

I will try my best to describe the dynamics but since english is not my first language I may not express everything properly.

Alright, let's start with Madara.

Uchiha Madara

Elderly Madara rescued Myline when she became an orphan, a victim of the genocide happening in her country (a fanmade independent country to the north-west of Amegakure that now belongs to the same country as Amegakure) at the time.

He knew about Danzo's plans and as a consequence, who Myline's father was (Uchiha Yashiro), he decided to shelter and take care of her as she could be helpful for his plans.

Myline didn't get to spend much time with him as he eventually passes away shortly after.

She managed to create a small bond with him and unlike Obito, she actually liked the old man.

Myline especially enjoyed when he would allow her to sit with him and start sharing some of his stories with her; we can say that Madara was one of the reasons why she got the liking for ninja history.

Madara was actually somewhat tolerant with her but not a father figure at all.

Madara was also the reason why she didn't end up alone and abandoned after his death, as he asked Obito to keep her alive, telling him everything he knew about Danzo's plans and Uchiha Yashiro before passing, making him believe that she would not only be helpful to them but also that he could sense something special in her.

Uchiha Obito

Their relationship is difficult and chaotic, Myline surely pays the price for being the only one who knows about his true identity.

After Madara's death, Obito took her under his wing, at first, maybe because of his young age, he didn't mind much, but as the time passed by, Obito started getting more and more pushy towards her, until it turned into mere abuse, especially psychological abuse.

Things got worse after he went under the Tobi pseudonym and everything that came with it (Akatsuki, etc.).

As his disciple, Myline was molded to be what he needed her to be, so basically his shadow.

Their problematic relationship escalated very quickly when Obito started getting impatient and losing his hope on Madara's words about her sharingan as Myline was already close to turn 14 and there were no signs that she had inherited it, no matter how much trauma she went through.

Obito acted on impulse and decided to go for his last resort: An attempt on her life.

After all, she would probably have no use for him if she hadn't inherited the sharingan, there was no reason to keep her around and risk his true identity being revealed; luckily for her, she finally awakened her sharingan that day.

Despite his attempt, Myline was still very loyal to him as she recognized his struggles and efforts to keep her alive when she was younger, in a way, she feels like she owes him her life.

Nagato and Konan

She met them before Obito introduced her to the rest of the Akatsuki.

It happened when she was rescued by Konan after getting into trouble around Amegakure.

As a gesture of appreciation, Myline grabbed Konan's coat before she could turn to walk away and shyly took a piece of a roosted potato she had saved to eat later from one of her pockets, stretching her little hand in her direction to share it with her, this made Konan remember her own past and for the first time, in the form of a kiss on the forehead and a beautiful angelic smile, Myline experienced an act of love.

Such act was the beginning of a change within her, a little light inside her heart started shining and from it she was able to keep herself warm, no matter how little the light was or how cold it could get, there was something to fight for now.

After being introduced by Obito, Myline started to spend most of her time with them, she loved listening to their stories and their different points of view.

They taught her a lot of things that Obito couldn't be bothered to teach, especially socially and culturally speaking.

She learned valuable information about life and what nuance was with them, Konan became her best friend while Nagato a big inspiration, after all, it was easy to manipulate a kid that was once a victim of genocide.

Despite the obvious manipulation, they were usually very sweet with her and she returned their kindness with her eternal loyalty.

The remaining piece of kindness inside her heart is kept alive because of them.

Fun fact about their relationship is that Myline used to be afraid of Pain when she was a kid, she couldn't understand the concept and Pain (and the other pains) freaked the hell out of her.

Uchiha Itachi

Itachi was Myline's sun and moon, they met when Itachi was introduced to the organization.

Obito's attempt to take Myline's life took place a few days later and Itachi happen to hear her distant cries, assuming she was in danger and running towards her cries.

He arrived just in time to save Myline from falling off a very high cliff. Shocked with his unexpected presence, Obito quickly reverted back to his alter ego, getting around the situation but the tension could be felt for a while before Obito left the place.

Itachi helped her by taking care of her wounds even though Myline kept trying to avoid him and his touch; exhausted she gave up and allowed him to finish the job.

As the time passed by, their relationship blooms into trust and respect for each other.

Upon her request, Itachi accepted to give her some extra training and she enjoyed the time they spent together doing so, as his ways were quite different from Obito's

As the time passed by, they started feeling a very special kind of affection towards each other but as avoidant as both of them were, it took years for them to approach their feelings for each other.

From that unusual kind of love, respect and trust, a baby was born just a few weeks after Itachi's death, yes, we are talking about Mybuza.

More about their dynamics here.

Kisame

She got along with Kisame quite well, while their relationship wasn't too close, they had a mutual respect for each other; it wasn't always like that, though.

Myline took some time to get under his shark skin, mostly because of their age gap, as they had different points of view back then and her attitude didn't help, at all. They eventually start getting along once Myline matures.

What she likes the most about him is that he is actually up for deep and long conversations, she really enjoys a good theoretical and/or philosophical talk.

Deidara

Being around the same age, Myline gets along with him reasonably.

She considers him a friend, even though she knows he would probably not think twice before sacrificing her as a last resort.

She finds his high self-esteem and silliness quite funny and loves to tease him, especially about his hair, which sometimes leads to small fights between them.

Despite he getting really annoyed after finding out she was half-Uchiha, they have had some funny moments, for example, when Deidara exploded several small clay bombs near a river in Kusagakure (Grass country) after she got under his nerves, spreading its water over a long enough radius to reach part of the nearest village, causing confusion amongst the villagers; to this day some of them still believe it was some kind of a miraculous rain.

Sasori

Myline used to be really afraid of Sasori when she was a teen and while that fear started to fade as she grew up, she never once disrespected him or tried to invade his space, even avoiding talking to him sometimes. The boundaries were always very clear to her.

Something about Sasori caused her a certain discomfort and awakened all of her survival instincts; maybe it was because she couldn't read his facial expressions or decode his intentions or mood.

She always made sure to never disappoint or make him wait when they had to interact.

Kakuzu

I'd say that they have a very neutral relationship.

Kakuzu has always been kinda of indifferent to her and both of them are calm, observant and reserved, making most of their interactions strictly professional.

She finds his hearts kinda of creepy and disgusting, but has always been very curious about them and his techniques; she is also finds his intelligence very impressive.

Myline has some trouble understanding and accepting his ideologies but keeps it to herself.

Hidan

By far the member she dislikes the most, Myline finds him unbearable in all aspects.

The combination of his excessive self-esteem, impulsiveness, fanaticism and disrespectful nature makes up to a personality that Myline can't really tolerate.

This makes things very hard for them during the organization meetings as they always end up arguing, destabilizing the environment around them.

Things get even worse when they are forced to meet in person, leading to actual physical confrontations that often need intervention.

Myline was pretty impressed when she heard about his fate at the hands of Shikamaru but felt slightly annoyed as she really wanted to be the one to finish him once Obito's plans were done.

Orochimaru

She was really young when Orochimaru joined the organization and was never allowed to interact with him in order to preserve her sharingan, which he was still unaware of.

She never knew much about him until much later, when he was no longer a member of the Akatsuki.

Myline admits that while she can't help but having some burning curiousity about his tests and the way he thinks, she finds these very inhumane and despises that part of his work.

Zetsu

He wasn't very fond of Madara's decision of rescuing her as he had other plans and looking after a child that would probably be useless for them wasn't one of them.

Myline used to love making fun of him back then, especially about his weird fixation with poop, barely did she know it was all a facade.

She grew up very suspicious and curious of him but could never find the answers to her questions until the reveal of his true identity, that's when she started to really despise Zetsu.

[theforgottendiamondau]

Not necessarily an update, but sorta. I’m currently slowly reworking on everything. Barely anything from before now is going to be canon to this AU because I’m wanting to completely start over, but idk if I’ll actually go through and delete old posts. Just know that anything with old Sophie art (her design before this) is no longer canon unless I state otherwise. I will be keeping the idea of Rose and Steven coexisting (aka Steven has his own gem) but they will be still sharing powers (with some of his own) because Steven was created using Rose’s essence (it’s complicated but makes sense in my head). I’ll be figuring out other things that’ll still end up canon in this AU, but it’ll take some time since I’m doing this for the fun of it (despite not being hyperfixated on SU at the moment). I’ll also be working on an actual timeline unlike before since I’m planning on setting this after the events of SU, but nothing is confirmed yet. Especially since I’ll have to be figuring out how everything happens now that Rose/Pink is still alive (which is more work for me, but I wanted to have Sophie kinda bond with Rose and Rose seeing that she really wasn’t the only diamond to see how flawed gem society really is/was or something along those lines).

As a sign that I am still alive and working on things (albeit slowly) here’s some art I’ve made related/for this AU. Basically the only confirmed designs for this AU.

Firstly, we have Sadie’s performance design as 80die. This is confirmation that 80die will still exist in this universe because I really just love the idea. Her design is more inspired by actual outfits female artists in the 80s wore (a mix of pop & rock). Also the star earrings are a nod to Greg’s star shirts since he is her manager.

Secondly, I have finally given a design to Purple Diamond’s disguised form as an amethyst. I kept a bit of Amy’s original design (light purple hair with a dark purple streak), but mostly completely changed her look. I kinda did a slight color shift with her design like Rose and I kinda (unintentionally) designed her skirt to be a bit similar to bottom of Rose’s dress. Though I did look at a ref of CG!Amethyst to kinda have her look similar yet still different since she’s just a diamond pretending to be an amethyst. Also the hearts in her design is actually a callback to the original concept I had for Purple Diamond’s symbol when after her rebellion (since stars is kinda the Crystal Gems thing). Though I think the only time I’ve ever shown anything related to the original concept for Amy’s group of gems (which mostly consisted of 2 or 3 other gems) is in Sophie’s earliest concept design, which is somewhere on my main account.

Lastly, I designed a fusion between Steven and Sophie. This is mostly the design of what their fist time fusing would look like. It’s heavily inspired by Stevonnie (for reasons I will not explain yet). Their fusion is called Stevie and their pronouns are They/Them. I don’t have much on their personality or really anything other than their design. However, I can say that both were surprised and excited to be able to fuse. (Also it’s really the first drawing I’ve ever made that actually has toes since I tend to avoid drawing them lol)

So yeah. A lil update and some art. You can send in asks for any questions based on what could possibly change or what ideas I have for this AU or even my thoughts on Sophie in other AUs. However, I may end up being vague with some answers for this AU since I’m still figuring things out and working on the timeline, but I’m fine with answering any questions for this AU. I may not be very active here (I’m more active on @artistically-unique-girl or @artsartblog since their my main account/blogs) but I still see things and check up here every once in awhile since I’m not trying to burn myself out over this (like I did before) and actually figure things out before just throwing out too many ideas at once. So feel free to leave any questions or thoughts you may have about this AU as I’m working on it (some things could spark new ideas for how this AU will be) or just questions or my thoughts on Sophie in other AUs because I have fun thinking about how Sophie would be/exist in other AUs. That’s all for now. Until my next post, stay creative!

~Mod Art

[artasena]

For My Little Prettiest Boyfriend.

ー falling in love with you feels like stepping into a dream where everything around me is suddenly more vivid and alive. It’s as if the world has shifted into focus—colors are brighter, sounds are clearer, and every moment we share feels deeply meaningful. There’s this warmth that spreads through me, a comforting sense that I’ve found something incredibly precious in you.

I notice it in the little things—the way my heart skips a beat when I see your name light up on my phone, the flutter in my stomach when our eyes meet, the way time seems to pause when we’re together. Being with you feels like finding a home, a place where I’m completely understood and accepted for who I am.

You’ve changed the way I see the world. Everything feels filled with possibility and hope. Even the simplest moments, like talking about our day or just sitting quietly together, become magical because they’re shared with you. I feel at peace, knowing I can be my true self around you, without fear of judgment, and be loved for exactly who I am.

But it’s not just the comfort that I love—it’s the excitement too. Every day with you is an adventure, a chance to discover something new about each other. I want to give you the best of me, to care for you and see you happy. You’re not just in my life; you’re a part of my heart, someone I can’t imagine being without.

Even when we’re apart, I feel connected to you. Our bond only grows stronger with time, and every moment we spend together feels like a treasure. You make my world brighter, my heart fuller, and my life richer. Falling in love with you is the most incredible feeling, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Now that we've reached our first anniversary! I can hardly believe how much has changed in a year. It feels like just yesterday we were getting to know each other, discovering all the little things that make us who we are. And now, here we are, a year later, with a depth of love and connection that I couldn’t have imagined when we first started this journey together.

This past year has been filled with so many memories—some big, some small, but all of them special because they were shared with you. We've grown together, laughed together, and supported each other through everything that life has thrown our way. You've become my closest friend, my confidant, my partner in everything. There's a comfort in knowing that no matter what happens, we're in this together.

As I look back on all we've experienced, I’m filled with gratitude. You've shown me what it means to truly love and be loved, to feel safe and understood, and to build something real and lasting. This year has been a beautiful adventure, and I’m so proud of the life we’re creating together.

Celebrating our first anniversary feels like such a milestone, but it’s also just the beginning. There’s so much more ahead of us—more laughter, more adventures, more quiet moments where we just enjoy each other's company. I can’t wait to see where the next year takes us, knowing that whatever happens, we’ll face it together.

So here’s to us, Sarvielーto the love we’ve built, the memories we’ve made, and the many more to come. I’m so incredibly lucky to have you in my life, and I’m excited to keep growing with you, loving you, and making every moment count. Happy 1st anniversary, for my little prettiest best boyfriend. 🤍

ーS

[createinresonance]

Coming Out

A Love Letter to who we truly are

~ Ina Jain ~

It happens at some point if we are lucky enough. If we wake up to our essence. Remember our core. That we fall in love with ourselves in a way we have never before, which means believing ourselves in a way that seems to leave us no choice but to reveal ourselves to our own eyes, own and embody what we know, and eventually become visible in that. More often than not that means a time of friction between who we constructed ourselves to be, often driven by how we interpreted the world and the expectations of people around us. We are so nimble in adapting to our surroundings as part of our survival response in childhood. So the changing and shaping of ourselves starts really early, sometimes so early that we don’t even remember our essence or a time in which that felt still very alive within us. Still nothing is ever lost. Who we are on the inside is always there, our essence waiting inside to be rediscovered. And as it is our essence, it will come out throughout our lives in small or bigger ways, shine through the cracks that are left open for it to show.

If at some point for whatever reason we start remembering, that often comes with a weird mix of crisis and relief, we often choose the word confusion around that, which for me means that the duality that is often quite rigid of right and wrong shifts, and we all of a sudden find ourselves on the other side of what we once stood for or felt a part of. That leads to a dismantling of identity and a deep remembering. If we are lucky it happens within the embrace of relating and connecting to a person or a group of people who are aligned with our essence and who we are becoming, and serve as a living breathing reminder and support for us on this journey of coming out as who we truly are, and offer support on this journey that more often than not is a flickering between holding on to what is familiar and the need to stretch out of that and finally step into who we are in essence.

While old structures fall away it is the biggest gift to have something outside of ourselves to hold on to. We can do it by ourselves, which offers the potential to build a strong bond and trust in ourselves. If we can hold and support ourselves through that kind of a shift, we remember in other scenarios later on what we are capable of, and how we can rely on ourselves. Ideally though it is a combination of the both.

The term coming out brings to mind a realisation, a remembering around sexual identity. And yes, that is a powerful experience of remembering our essence. For me it means connecting to the truth that we already know inside. Allowing the veils to drop away and become awake to fractals of self, of who we are, and how strong that inner guidance is, even when on the outside nothing seems to support that, we just know.

Yet, I feel it is a process that is not restricted to that experience. Actually we come out in so many ways throughout our lives if we connect to our essence and if we have disowned who we are inside at some point in our life. It always comes with a state that we label confusion. And with a sensation that the ground under our feet shifts so quickly we can hardly keep our footing, and for a while it becomes so tempting to go back to what we once believed true, yet that doesn’t seem quite possible anymore. For a while we find ourselves on the battleground of identity. Who we thought we were, who we tried to be, who we shaped ourselves into and who we know we are, and who we are called from the inside out to become from a place of remembered essence all present at the same time.

It often creates a conflict, with what we were once a part of, have shaped ourselves to, adapted to, what made us distort our puzzle piece in the first place. Especially if what we remember is not classified as the norm in the human environments and societies we inhabit. So we have to face what we tried to avoid, mortally afraid to surprise or confuse others and face the consequences.

One of the most powerful and beautiful gifts in that is to be held in that experience, to connect to people who see you, accept you and trust you before you are fully there yet. People who are just there, present on the journey, alongside you, without trying to hurry you along or change your course. It is nothing that can be forced. It is something that needs presence, alignment, a readiness that is entirely individual. All I know is, that you will recognise those people when you come across them.

And it is also crucial that when we encounter someone being on this journey, to ask ourselves honestly if there is alignment for ourselves in this as well in the presence and the support we offer. For it is so easy to want to be there for someone on their journey of transformation from a place of harmful empathy, that in the long run will neither support you or the other. The support I mean will feel effortless, organic, a little bit like breathing because there is a resonance between you, that allows for an opening on both sides, a perfect harmony in giving and receiving. That is when support can truly bloom and resonance offers a space for essence to unfold safely.

Honouring our pace in this can be one of the hardest challenges, for after what often feels like a long time of not allowing ourselves to connect to essence, once we open the doors it can feel like floodgates open and the energy that is suddenly available to us wants to move with a yet unknown urgency. It is then when we are the most vulnerable, and likely to sprint forward in the need of finally expressing ourselves, losing presence in the process to where we are actually at.

There is nothing wrong with that, stumbling is part of the process more often than not, yet it is also the moment where because we are still very raw in who we are becoming that if we fall onto our face, we are most likely to circle back completely to where we set out, retreating on the safe ground of familiar pattern and the identity construct we once so diligently built to hide our essence. It is here when we are likely to disown ourselves yet again with new conviction, it is here when the voices: I told you so, hiding was the best option, well, this proves you can’t trust yourself, you don’t know really, you are delusional, can get stronger than they ever were and stop us in our tracks.

We will circle back eventually from that, most of the time, and we will have learned a lot through it. Yet, I believe it is not necessary to go on this journey of self-inflicted suffering and losing trust in ourselves. What it takes is a self-supporting commitment to the process we are going through. A strong awareness even in the smallest and seemingly ridiculous outside steps, how huge they are in the process we are going through and honouring that truly and fully, not just as lip service but in true understanding of the magnitude of what we are doing.

As crucial as the support is in the beginning stages in remembering our essence, it is actually at this stage, when we have seemingly grappled it all, uncovered it all, come out in whatever way that it is that we are shifting from identity construct into remembered essence, that we are the most vulnerable. For the next step of growing into ourselves is to practice this version of ourselves in our lives, and that is where we so often lose our footing. And that is where support is the most crucial, someone, something that can support us in catching ourselves over and over again, when the battle between what was and what is unfolding, seems to clash in the present moment and invites us to stand still yet again for a moment and just be with it all, rather than jump into action that is more often than not a running away from the discomfort of this prolonged in between stage of who we truly are.

I found that it is here when practices of embodiment are the most crucial, for writing the memories within our bodies, creating a safe space for us to land within ourselves and for all that rises and is alive or gets activated within us to move through, knowing it is part of the process rather than individual states, thoughts, emotions we need to identify with.

Embodiment to me is the key of holding space for all the different parts in me, that are reforming and settling, where who I was and who I am becoming can settle side by side in full body presence. And I can meet myself in all the transformational stages again and again and again from moment to moment and build that fundamental trust, that organically leads to stages of readiness. First usual in the smallest of ways, but then in bigger and bigger steps.

It is here where it is so beautiful and supportive to have others who are there, believing in us, celebrating with us and holding space for us without expectation or judgement, just in a mutual understanding of this shared human journey, from an inside out felt sense of what it is to commit to growing fully human, rather than an attachment to how that has to look on the outside. People who mirror back to us the love, the joy, and the trust in ourselves, when we forget, when remembering becomes too hard.

We are not the same as who we were yesterday, we are constantly changing and evolving, and that is not a curse, it is a gift. Embodying what we know, allowing ourselves to be who we truly are, to me lies at the core of holding ourselves and each other in the tender courage of wild sovereignty. We all hold in our unique and individual ways a piece of the puzzle, that only we can offer to the human story. Nobody can ever or actually should ever take it off our shoulders, they can’t. We have to do it ourselves, that is part of the empowering beauty of the process walking ourselves home but we don’t have to do it alone.

I hope this lands as inspiration and nourishment in between the pages of your life. If this resonated with you, please let me know and feel free to share with others around you, who might also feel inspired by reading it.

Ina Jain : February 2024

inajain.com

The Gentle Wave Podcast

[livetoday4tomorrow]

How to Foster Closeness and Intimacy in a Long-Term Relationship

Overview Intimacy and connection maintenance can be a difficult but worthwhile path in long-term relationships. As a fresh relationship blossoms from a tiny spark to a strong, long-lasting flame, it is imperative that couples actively tend to their bond. This essay will examine useful strategies and insights for maintaining intimacy throughout time, based on both firsthand accounts and the counsel of relationship professionals. Accepting Open Communication Building a Trustworthy Foundation The foundation of any good partnership is open communication. The bond that binds partners together is trust, which permits them to be open, honest, and vulnerable with one another. My spouse and I have discovered that open communication can occur when we are honest about our emotions and worries. Admitting Weaknesses A closer emotional bond is created when people reveal their particular vulnerabilities. Rather than suppressing our feelings, my spouse and I deliberately endeavor to communicate our anxieties, doubts, and aspirations. We have a closer relationship now that we are vulnerable to one another and can help each other through the highs and lows of life. Paying Attention It is an art to actively listen, and it can greatly increase intimacy. Try to comprehend your partner's viewpoint without passing judgment. We have agreed to put our phones away and give each other our full attention during crucial conversations. My partner and I have instituted a "no distractions" policy. Our comprehension and relationship have improved as a result of this easy practice. Compassionate Reactions It's important to react empathetically when your spouse expresses their feelings. Respect their feelings and give credibility to what they've experienced. Together, my spouse and I have developed empathy-based responses, which have fostered a welcoming environment where we feel understood and welcomed. Making Quality Time a Priority Setting Aside Specific Time It can be difficult to find time for one another in the daily shuffle. But keeping intimacy alive requires making quality time a priority. Whether we go out for an exciting adventure or just have a nice supper at home, my boyfriend and I plan frequent date nights. We can rekindle our relationship and deepen it during these times. Cutting Off from Electronics Our lives now revolve around technology, which frequently takes us away from deep human ties. We've discovered that scheduling dedicated periods of time to turn off electronics and concentrate just on one another promotes a stronger feeling of intimacy. We feel remarkably closer to one another when we are totally there for one another. Discovering Common Interests Again As time passes and interests change, couples may find themselves drifting apart. Try to rediscover old hobbies or discover new ones jointly to combat this. Recently, my girlfriend and I began taking dance classes, which enhanced our relationship while also bringing us delight. Attempting Novel Situations New experiences have the power to rekindle a long-term partnership's passion. Starting new things together, like starting a new activity or traveling to a new place, can help you make enduring memories. We remember going on an impromptu road trip together, which ended up being a pivotal moment in our relationship and strengthened our bond. Developing Close Physical Bonds Giving Intimacy Priority To keep up a love relationship, physical closeness is essential. Prioritizing this part of the relationship becomes more and more important as the years go by. My spouse and I have found that scheduling time for intimacy—whether on impromptu dates or on regular dates—helps maintain our love. Examining One Another's Wishes A more satisfying physical connection might result from both parties being aware of and open to each other's wishes. Be willing to explore new things and be upfront about your preferences in communication. We've discovered that taking risks in the bedroom has improved our overall relationship pleasure and strengthened our physical connection. Accepting Touch That Isn't Sexual Sexual closeness is not the only purpose of physical contact. Simple displays of affection like cuddling, embracing, or holding hands enhance the feeling of intimacy. In order to maintain a constant thread of connection, my spouse and I consciously work to include non-sexual contact in our everyday interactions. Giving Self-Care Priority Sustaining physical intimacy and personal wellbeing are intimately related. Maintaining good physical and mental health is a prerequisite for a happier and more fulfilling relationship with a spouse. My significant other and I support one another in making self-care a priority because we understand how it improves our relationship as a whole. Overcoming Obstacles Together Embracing Adaptation An essential component of a long-lasting relationship is learning to navigate the inevitable changes together. Accept life's changes, whether they are related to personal development, family dynamics, or work changes. Despite the many obstacles we've had to overcome together, my spouse and I have become stronger because we've learned to accept and embrace change. Developing Cooperatively As personal development is an ongoing process, partners should encourage one another's improvement. My companion and I have seen the benefits of supporting one another in our own endeavors. We can make sure that our relationship is robust and vibrant by developing together. Seeking Expert Assistance Occasionally, outside assistance is required to overcome obstacles. Consulting a therapist or relationship counselor can offer insightful advice and practical strategies for getting over obstacles. During a really trying time, my spouse and I went to counseling, which improved our communication and comprehension of one another. In Summary Intimacy and connection must be maintained over time in a partnership through commitment, communication, and flexibility. Couples that prioritize open communication, spending quality time together, physical intimacy, and overcoming obstacles as a couple can foster a partnership that not only stands the test of time but also grows stronger and more fulfilling. Recall that a healthy and happy long-term relationship is largely the result of small, regular efforts. Read the full article

[itsfuckinganne]

Dear you,

There was a lot I wanted to say, but didn't have the courage to when we spoke today. This will make things easier since I write better than I communicate.

I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance, or two, or hopefully three, to love you. Thank you for showing me that love can be so soft, so kind, so forgiving, so real. Thank you for trusting me, even though I broke it, and didn't give you the closure you needed until now. Thank you for allowing me in your sacred space, something we both don't allow just anyone in. Thank you for showing me that I am deserving of everything good and whatever that comes with it. Thank you for being around the people I love, care for, and hold to high regards. Thank you for always reminding me that growth isn't linear and that you want, or wanted, to grow with me. Thank you for always making me laugh, even in days where I don't feel like myself. Thank you for being so patient with me, even though I know I didn't deserve any of it. Thank you for entering my life and creating a different light I have never seen before.

I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be honest with you, even though that's all you ever asked of me. I'm sorry that I gave you another reason to not be so trusting or forgiving of people in this world. I'm sorry that I wasn't the best partner to you because I know, as much as you do, that you deserve a lot more than what I gave you in the beginning. I'm sorry that I couldn't be as present as I wanted to be, especially in moments where you needed it the most. I'm sorry that what happened, happened. I'm sorry that my trauma has gotten in between the two of us and how our relationship has become. I'm sorry that I tarnished a bond that I didn't expect to become so strong. I'm sorry that I was such a bad friend to you, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I'm sorry that I can be hard headed. I'm sorry that your thoughts eat you alive, as much or more than mine does. I'm sorry for being destructive, even though you say I'm not.

I wanted to say I love you. I love how your eyes light up when you talk about your future and goals you have set for yourself. I love that you and I can talk about our differences and still see a middle ground. I love how unserious we can be together, even in moments where we should've been serious. I love how much care you put into your being, especially with how you present yourself to not only you, but others. I love how easy it is to talk to you, and how active you are in listening. I love that we are the epitome of yin and yang. I love how excited you get when I'm excited; it makes me look forward to anything we talk about, do together, or even things we just plan together. I love, loving you, even when you think your trauma affects how much I do. I love the kindness that radiates whenever you're around. I love how much effort you put into making sure your people are okay, but most importantly putting yourself first, even if it looks selfish. I love hearing you talk about things you're passionate about; I hope you reach all the goals and continue with the plans you have.

I wanted to say that I'm fighting for you. I know that we'll both be okay if you choose to walk away, but things have changed so much for me and I would love to keep loving you the way I do. I know there's a lot of healing for me to do, I could say the same for you, but we know that two inadequate people can't be adequate together so I'm grateful for all the love and patience you have given me. I pray for you, and for us, and how much I want to be with you, but that is a decision for you to make. Regardless of the decision, as you've told me, I love and care about you and that will never change either. It might take me some time to be comfortable with having to readjust being by myself again, but you truly are my best friend.

I love you, in every universe and life.

[amindfulchange]

Mindful Connections: Enhancing Relationships through Workshops for Loved Ones in Guelph

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, we often overlook the importance of nurturing our relationships with loved ones. The bonds we share with family and friends are the cornerstone of our well-being, and it’s essential to invest time and effort into strengthening these connections. This is where “A Mindful Change” comes in, offering workshops for loved ones in mindfulness right here in Guelph.

Mindfulness: The Key to Deeper Connections

Mindfulness is a practice that has gained significant popularity in recent years, and for a good reason. It invites us to be fully present in the moment, to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment, and to cultivate a deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us. When applied to our relationships, mindfulness can be a powerful tool for fostering empathy, compassion, and open communication.

A Mindful Change’s Approach

A Mindful Change understands the value of mindfulness in nurturing relationships. Their workshops for loved ones are thoughtfully designed to help participants tap into the transformative potential of mindfulness Guelph within the context of their familial and interpersonal connections.

What to expect from these workshops is as follows:

1. Mindful Communication: Effective communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. A Mindful Change’s workshops teach participants how to listen actively, speak from the heart, and resolve conflicts with empathy and understanding.

2. Strengthening Resilience: Life can throw unexpected challenges our way. Mindfulness equips us with the tools to navigate these challenges gracefully and helps us build emotional resilience both individually and as a unit.

3. Deepening Connection: Through mindfulness practices, participants can deepen their emotional connections with their loved ones. These workshops provide a safe and nurturing space to explore vulnerability and foster a sense of belonging.

4. Creating Mindful Rituals: A Mindful Change encourages the creation of mindful rituals within relationships. These small, intentional acts can make a world of difference in keeping the love and connection alive.

5. Self-Care for Caregivers: For those caring for loved ones facing health challenges or other difficulties, the workshops offer self-care techniques and strategies to prevent burnout and maintain equilibrium.

Why Choose A Mindful Change?

A Mindful Change’s workshops are facilitated by experienced mindfulness Guelph practitioners who understand the unique dynamics of familial and interpersonal relationships. They blend scientific knowledge with practical techniques to ensure that participants leave with actionable insights and skills that can be applied immediately. Whether you’re a parent, a partner, a caregiver, or a friend, these workshops offer invaluable tools to create more profound and lasting connections with your loved ones.

If you’re looking to strengthen your relationships, enhance your emotional intelligence, and foster a sense of peace and harmony within your family and social circles, consider joining A Mindful Change’s mindfulness Guelph workshops . Your journey towards more meaningful connections starts here.

[fioseablogs]

Review of series: WEDNESDAY 

This OTT series is an old comic book which was created as a series in 2022. Starring Jenna Ortega as the main lead as Wednesday. She belongs to the Addams family with some magical powers. Her character and looks reflected as a superbly unengaged goth girl. The first scene shows her as rough and rude. The girl who has no feelings and mercy. She doesn’t even blink her eyes often and it’s rare. In the first scene she will be thrown out of her school filing a case on putting piranhas in pool and killed two boys. But she did it for her brother the guys bullied him for having one testicle. It is awkward but the portrays like that. It is not advised to be watched by kids. 

The next scene is about her parents forced and convinced her to join a school named Nevermore academy which is actually meant for students like her with magical powers and different behaviors. She always thinks that her mom forces her to be like her she acts like she doesn’t like her parents. Her parents were shown as so romantic couples. She gets a friend in school named Enid. She actually doesn’t keep friends and no one like to be her friend because of her careless and rude behavior. Enid becomes her roommate. she is a werewolf but she never transformed. She plays as a caring friend who always be by Wednesday side and never leave her at any cause. The school principal will always keep a eye on her. The school is filled with vampires, werewolf, magicians, gorgons, sirens(led by the meanest girl Bianca.) She also offers tips for navigating her new school and introductions to some of the characters that will become central to the mysteries Wednesday will soon find herself investigating . These include: a number of killings in the local town of Jericho and surrounding woodland by what the police are finding it increasingly hard to deny must be a monster ; possible attempts on Wednesday’s own life; the suggestion that her father Gomez ( Luis Guzmán ) committed murder himself in his youth; and whatever Wednesday’s visions – seemingly fragments of the future – are trying to tell her. Oh, and what of the sketches inside the books in the secret basement that seem to show the future? And student artist Xavier ( Percy Hynes White), who can make his pictures come alive? And, don’t tell me there’s nothing more to Dr Kinbott ( Riki Lindhome ), the therapist in charge of Wednesday’s court- mandated counselling sessions , than meets the eye.

There are also teenage crushes , relationships , a prom , secret societies and other “ normie ” stuff to negotiate. But, creators Alfred Gough and Miles Millar also gave us Smallville, and know how to handle multiple plotlines crisscrossing the real and supernatural worlds. Plus, the show’s main director is Tim Burton, who knows a bit about this kind of thing too – and gives the whole thing 

It loses something by not setting Wednesday against normality, as the films did, and by having a more crack opening version of the Addams clan. The love and unity of the family against the world was always one of the great pleasures, in whatever incarnation you met them. But it has enough wit, charm and propulsive energy for that not to matter as much as it might have.. One last point. Another great strength of the films was that the Addams parents ( Anjelica Huston and Raul Julia ) were still hot for each other and each as  attractive as the other. It was such a refreshing change from the standard “ comic ” arrangement whereby a great beauty is in that all to an unregenerate school love . In this pairing , we have regressed entirely. In every scene involving the new Morticia and Gomez , at the last the one scene I loved is Wednesday hug back Enid atlast scene which become so emotional and the bond between eachother.

[johannepetereric]

Biracial Brown Bum Tries To Bring Back The Beatles

“A great guitar needs a great song” OMG HES PLAYING “YESTERDAY,” THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE!!!

Nick looks like Phil from Groundhog Day lol

This movie taught me that The Beatles helped bring Coca Cola into existence (or at least not die out)

Jack playing “Let It Be” feels like me lol

I don’t think Jack’s able to play all over 200 Beatle songs in one go, much less reproduce Beatlemania

I was just at Liverpool last week, and, uh, there’s a lot more to get Beatles fame than just you, including History and Wars lol

“She was 17” oh no I think I know where this is going 🤦‍♀️

It’s incomplete without Yellow Submarine and Abbey Road

THREE PLANE MOVIES IN A ROW!

I think the USSR song is REALLY outdated

The sudden time crunches WERE part of the Beatles plan, they got that right 

They called out the outdatedness of USSR!

“The Long and Winding Road” was too droll for the moment

Jack isn’t as booming as Ed Sheeran or The Beatles, so, eh.

I was under the impression that nicotine was longer than the Beatles were born, but ok.

HE’S GOT ELEANOR RIGBY BUT SKIPPED OVER YELLOW SUBMARINE—there’s also their movies to cover, including the animated one.

THEY ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT! THEY TRIED TO RECREATE BEATLEMANIA—next thing he knows, he’s covering up allegedly claiming that he’s better than Jesus.

So Eleanor Rigby was an actual person the Beatles knew.

There’s also he’s gotta go to India and learn various forms of meditation and yoga and new ways of music.

What’s the most cathartic song to end the movie in? That Damn Eleanor Rigby that he can’t quite remember? Or Wonderwall, their childhood song?

Jack isn’t even in the Abbey Road cover 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

...

OH FUCK WE FORGOT THAT PAUL MCCARTNEY AND JOHN LENNON ARE STILL ALOVE AND NOW 73 MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE, WE SLAMMIN’ THAT COPYRIGHT CLAIM FACT!!!

I love how the host’s face warps like reality.

Oh, Ringo’s still alive but John isn’t? I forgot that!

HEY JUDE IS CUZ JOHN LENNON WROTE IT FIR HIS SON JULIAN, AND HE WAS GONNA IT HEY JULES BUT LATER CHANGED IT!

THIS IS MORE THAN “SOME HISTORY”!!

JACK, DON’T TAKE THE NAME CHANGE! DON’T GO “HEY DUDE”! FAME AND FORTUNE WILL CORRUPT YOU!!!

THEY DUD IT! THEY TOUCHED ON THE YELLOW SUBMARINE! USIMG ELEANOR RUGBY!!

“A world without The Beatles” 🤯 THEY DO REMEMBER “is a world that’s infinitely worse.” 

True. Yellow Submarine was part of the Multicultural festival back in fucking elementary my class was in. And also onwards to Dad with the Beatles, and us bonding over me learning to  play them when I took Piano. I’d be an entirely different being without them. Lost the hobby book to play them, sadly 😔😔😔

Yoko Ono. John Lennon’s wife, apparently, was another musician. They created little Julian. It feels wrong, this world.

I don’t think they did Imagine.

“I feel like Harry Potter after he defeated Voldemort.” OOF how that aged 😬😬😬😬

“Who’s Harry Potter?” YES, KEEP THIS WORLD!!

THE ACTUAL ED SHEERAN AND KATE MCKINNION WERE ON HERE

“Myself: Michael Kiwanuka”? Now I got a name to look up, Good Job.

THIS MOVIE WAS ACTUALLY PLAYED AT THE ABBEY ROAD STUDIOS?!?

FUCKING NASA IS IN THE CREDITS!!!

[liminalnafaza]

dear lukas, my love; i'd say i wish for things to be different, but how could i intervene with the rules of the divine force?

i trust the waves of cosmic order and balance. the Net which we all consist of and shape at the same time.

i never mean to hurt or limit you. for your being is limitless, as is mine, as is everyone's. the ones who create borders and fences are ourselves. so, for that, it's necessary to face ourselves; those parts which we tend to repress- those, which evoke fear. fear calls for attention, it's calling us to engage- we have to respond, in order to keep ourselves alive

both you and i have yet to see, feel, grow, explore. we're young and the path is in front of us, i don't see it's shape, nor middle, nor texture. we're walking on it step by step- each step welcomes us to before unseen insights

i tend to use writing and poetry as a means for escapism. right now, i'm not sure of how i feel. it feels strange; the idea to let go of you. no one can tell me what to do- i have to feel into that, and listen to the inner wisdom. for it knows what it wants.

my love for you is eternal, and i wish to be next to you to witness your growth. we're faced with many questions, uncertainties, feelings, desires. and we are still wanderers, kids with an open heart, and a great lust for self-discovery.

whatever may come, i welcome it, for i know it's meant to support us. i trust the flow of life, and give into it.

with or without are just limiting concepts in human experience. we are all one, and once you feel into that, there's an invaluable shift that happens inside of you - causing the outside to change drastically.

i don't know where i'm going with this. i don't know where i'm going in general. who does, tho? i always undermine myself and my abilities- forgetting that i'm as human as any other human surrounding me. nothing more or less. and i feel the vital force within me. it's striving to get out to the surface.

perhaps we allowed ourselves to suppress it. i wonder how healthy love can cause such a thing? we are meant to embrace ourselves and each other, and that's the kind of love i want to nurture with you. for us and for the rest of the world.

i want us to radiate on a high frequency, with kindness, unconditional love, equanimity, and creativity. it's not that hard, is it?

that is our destiny. whether together in person or not, i know that our bond transcends all known to us: and that our coming together has already changed and influenced much within and outside of us.

i see you soon