#how that would feel to wake up forgotten AND a failure anyway

[hiitsm]

Beneath the Surface: The Second Piece

Beneath the Surface is for 18+ only.

Angst & Smut is included in this Second Piece.

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Other parts of Beneath the Surface: The Broken Heart Pieces

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It's been two weeks now, and you still haven't heard anything from your girlfriend—or is it ex-girlfriend now?

You try to respect her wishes and give her the space she asked for, but it doesn't provide any answers.

The lack of clarity gnaws at you.

Why does she need space?

The thought that she must have been struggling in your presence without you noticing fills you with sadness. You feel an overwhelming sense of failure for not having been there to help her.

But that feeling of failure quickly gives way to your own sadness and anger.

She left you a letter.

You had been together for almost three years.

How could she just leave you with a letter?

You turn onto your side in bed, letting the tears flow freely once more. You've been isolating yourself from the world, unwilling to leave the sanctuary of your bed.

Everything around you reminds you of her, and you're not the type to discard those memories. You cling to a sliver of hope.

After all, she said she hoped to see you again when the time is right, didn't she? Or is it wrong to hold onto that hope?

Perhaps you should try to let go.

But even the mere thought of letting her go makes your chest feel heavy and your breaths come faster.

No, you can't bring yourself to let her go.

A couple of days ago, you ended up taking nearly all of your vacation days at work. Fortunately, none of your colleagues were on vacation, allowing you to get the time off.

This meant you could spend three weeks crying and isolating yourself in your apartment, avoiding not only the world but also the workplace where you had met her.

You quickly push that thought aside, remembering when the two of you first met, and finally summon the strength to get out of bed.

Clad only in a sports bra and boxers, you grab a rather large t-shirt from your closet.

It's hers.

Despite knowing you shouldn’t, you put it on anyway.

The fabric feels soft, and it still carries a hint of her scent.

It comforts your hurt, if only a little.

You walk to your kitchen and try to eat a banana, though your appetite demands nothing. Still, you know you need to eat something, so you slowly nibble on the banana.

When you're done, you walk to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. Not that it will help much. You've cried your eyes out for days and look like a wreck no matter what you do.

As you open the towel closet, a small book falls from the top shelf, hitting you on the head with a painful thud. You grunt a little while picking it up from the floor.

You hold your breath.

It's the scrapbook you had been making for your third anniversary with Alexia, which would have been in two weeks.

You had hidden it from her in the towel closet, knowing she never looks on the top shelves.

In the midst of everything, you had completely forgotten about it yourself.

You open it.

You shouldn't.

But you do.

And seeing the first page with the first picture makes you cry all over again.

It's not just any picture of the two of you together.

It's a picture filled with so much emotion, capturing a moment that holds a world of feelings within it.

It's the two of you in bed, just waking up from your first time just sharing the night together.

You know that for Alexia, this has been her favorite memory of the two of you so far.

She had woken up first and watched you, feeling you safely in her arms, a moment she wished she could wake up to every day.

But would it still be her favorite memory?

She insisted that you should be the little spoon. You remember her voice, urging you to take a picture, saying, "Come on, we should take a picture, Bebita. For our memories. Our first night together. it's a special memory, just for the two of us. It will look cute like this," and oh she was right. Because it did look cute.

You still feel so much love when you look at her in that picture.

It shatters your heart into a million little pieces all over again.

You close the scrapbook in a second, unable to bear the flood of memories and emotions that come rushing back.

But you couldn't push all the memories away.

They flooded back, overwhelming you.

And as you try to return to your bed, another wave of memories hits you.

A very special, intimate memory that you couldn't push away.

No matter how hard you tried.

-

Alexia was rolling her hips, slowly rocking into you.

Your girlfriend had proposed trying out a strap-on, something new for both of you. The fact that she had asked you and trusted you enough to explore new things together made you say yes in an instant.

Now that you were laying on your back, with Alexia and her strap between your legs, you still struggled a bit with keeping the stress at bay.

It was something new, and you weren't quite used to the stretch.

But it felt good, so good.

And the overwhelming feeling you got when you watched your girlfriend hovered over you and between your legs made you feel things you have never felt before.

Which is a little scary if you are being honest.

But with every soft kiss she gave you, you felt yourself being pulled back into the moment.

Being pulled back into her.

"You're doing so well, you're being so good to me," your girlfriend whispered softly into your ear, eliciting a small moan from you.

The room was quiet, bathed in the gentle glow of four candles placed in each corner of Alexia's bedroom.

"Are you still feeling okay, mi vida?" She always checked in on you, wanting you to enjoy this as much as she did.

You nodded slowly, still trying to steady your breathing, feeling the slight tension on the surface.

Alexia noticed, as she always did.

"Should I slow down a little?" She whispered softly, her gaze searching yours for an answer.

When you didn't respond, she stopped with rocking her hips back and forth completely.

"Amor, look at me please," she asked, and she gently tilted your head, trying to meet your eyes.

"It's okay if you want me to slow down. This is the first time we're trying this, and I know it's something new for both of us," she assured you softly, easing your nerves.

"I'm so happy and grateful that you want to try this with me. Whatever you feel, whether you want me to speed up or slow down, we'll do it. I promise that I'll listen to you." Her words enveloped you in comfort, and you tilted your head up slightly to meet her lips in a soft kiss.

You smile softly at her. "Thank you, amor. Lo siento. I'm just a little taken aback by how good it feels. How good you feel," you murmur, reaching up to kiss her neck softly.

Your gesture elicits a moan from your girlfriend's lips, her hand squeezing your right breast softly.

"Please, go on, mi vida. Make me feel so good," you whisper, kissing her earlobe gently.

All your stress melted away, replaced by a newfound confidence.

You reveled in her reassurance, knowing you could trust her completely.

As her hips sped up again, you both moaned in pure pleasure.

The tension built between you, both aware that you weren't going to hold back.

The edge was approaching, and you both knew you would take each other over it.

"You look so beautiful, Bebita," she urged, setting an even better pace, her fingers teasing your clit, just the right amount.

Your breath caught in your throat as you felt that familiar sensation, but even more intense.

"You make me feel so good. Come with me, amor," she whispered, biting softly on your collarbone.

You watched her, the rhythmic motion up and down, a beautiful sight that sent you right over the edge.

Together.

With her.

-

She was always so kind, so gentle, so full of love for you.

You could feel her love radiating from her, a constant source of warmth and reassurance.

Yet, you still couldn't understand how this could happen, how she could leave you.

Doubts start to creep in.

Maybe it was your fault.

Maybe you weren't enough for her as a girlfriend.

Maybe you needed to change things about yourself.

She had doubts, right? Maybe those doubts were about you.

Your mind spirals back into self-doubt, grappling with questions that seem to have no answers.

You try to close your eyes and just sleep it off.

And you're so exhausted that the moment your head hits the pillow, you fall asleep immediately.

-

Six weeks later you set foot in the stadium you have always loved so deeply once more. You knew it would stir old memories—memories of better days.

To be honest, you hadn't wanted to return to this place. But your friends insisted on dragging you out of your apartment, and after all, it was the Copa de La Reina final.

Barcelona would always hold a special place in your heart. And who would you be if FC Barcelona, especially FC Barcelona Femení, were not a part of it?

Your friends knew you had isolated yourself from the world for a couple of weeks now, but they didn't fully understand why.

You hadn't mentioned your girlfriend in a while, and they were careful not to bring it up. They understood that if you hadn't spoken about it yet, you were still trying to make sense of everything on your own.

But even if you tried, you couldn't bring yourself to talk about it. How could you, when it still hurt too much to even think about?

But your friends wouldn't be your friends if they didn't try to help you in the ways you needed, even if they didn't know exactly what that was.

That's why they invited you to watch this match. And that's why you couldn't bring yourself to say no—because they were your closest friends, and they were trying so hard.

You were quiet, but your friends were glad you came with them. You were quiet because you knew every single detail about football, analyzing the match unconsciously.

A few years ago, you didn't even know what offside was. But then you met her, and everything changed. You wanted to understand everything about football because it was her passion.

And she was your everything. So you made it your mission to know every single aspect of the game.

You didn't notice a tear streaming down your face until one of your friends gently wiped it away. You looked into her eyes, and she gave you a soft smile, wrapping one arm around your shoulder in a comforting side hug.

The match ended with FC Barcelona Femení triumphing 8-0. You felt like a proud culé, swelling with pride for her.

She had played an amazing game, even though she hadn't started.

Despite the hurt she caused you, the love you felt for her remained undiminished.

You couldn't escape the overwhelming wave of love that washed over you as you watched her from a safe distance.

The safe distance was soon to be over as your friends wanted to move closer to the players to congratulate them on their fantastic performance.

You always thought it was a bit much, but seeing the happy faces of your friends, you couldn't resist. This time, however, you felt hesitant.

Still, you didn't want them to ask any questions, so you reluctantly went with them.

You were lost in your thoughts, staring at the grass, when you looked up and saw her. Your everything. The very essence of your heart, who had broke your heart into a million little pieces.

You knew right away, that coming to this match was a mistake.

You feel a panic attack coming.

You noticed that she had stopped in her tracks, shock evident in her expression upon seeing you there.

Emotions surged within you as memories flooded back.

Suddenly, you could feel her laughter against your neck as she hugged you from behind.

You could feel her gentle touch on your skin as she made love to you in your favorite way.

You could feel her strong hands on the sides of your waist when she was rocking you both slowly to the music inside your own apartment.

It was overwhelming.

You needed to escape.

You thought you had picked up a small piece of your broken heart when you set foot in this stadium.

But as you reached for the second piece, it slipped in your grip when you looked into her eyes.

Taking the first piece with it.

It hurts.

Sending your friends a wave goodbye, you rushed out of the stadium, leaving them slightly confused.

You didn't know that Alexia longed to come after you.

But she couldn't reach out to you, not right now.

You didn't know how deeply she regretted hurting you.

But she couldn't reenter your life with just an apology.

You didn't know how much love swelled in her heart when she saw you after so long.

But she couldn't act on those feelings, not yet.

You didn't know that she desperately wanted to make things right.

But she couldn't, not at that moment, because she doesn't know how.

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Note: Thank you for taking the time to read my fics. I truly appreciate your support and hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them.

Beneath the Surface: The Third Piece, will be out next sunday.

[cherrylng]

Green Day Interview - Warning era [ROCKIN'ON (September 2000)]

"Don't think rock is just dormant at the moment. I'm sure there's some energetic rock out there somewhere, properly, I'm sure. I'm sure it'll wake up and bite us in the ass again - and yes, if you still love rock ‘n’ roll, we've got some great stuff for you."

How will the ‘immortal little bastard punk spirit’, which has seriously entrusted its troublesome life to punk and continues to take on troublesome rock for life, manifest itself in this year 2000? We meet Green Day just before the completion of their new album ‘Warning’ and just before their Summer Sonic visit to Japan, with an undercover studio report and interview!!!

Interview & Text=Kenichiro Yanagi Interpretation/Photography=WILLIAM HAMES

"And I feel forgotten Feel like rotting (Do you feel the same?) Adolescence Just can't make sense" ‘Road to Acceptance - 39/Smooth’

Ten years have passed since Green Day sang this on their first album, released in 1990. I think it's quite a long time for everyone, and for Green Day, too, because when I subtract ten from my own age, it makes me laugh. Anyway, since 1990, ten years have passed, and now it's the year 2000.

Ten years. I've passed through my adolescence, when I was completely ‘out of touch’ but had a strange sparkle in that aspect, and I've said to myself, "It's been a long time since then, but I feel like nothing's changed," and then someone might say "The fact that you're saying things like that means you've gotten older," and I'd say, "I see," and think about it again, and then the next day I say to myself, "I'm not young anymore." That's a long enough time for that kind of flow to take hold. And in fact, most people live with it.

But the band Green Day seemed to be a bit different from us. They started their rock ‘n’ roll career with the idea that ‘maybe that trend can be managed with a driving beat and a melody?’ That was the starting point of their rock music. I think that was their way of rock, running so fast that you can't see what's in front of you, and staring at the scenery as it flows by. I think that's why they sang "Every time I look in my past, I always wish I was there" and "I wish my youth would forever last" [from the song "16"] on their first album. If you wish that, you might actually get it, haven't you ever wondered that? I think their early work was like that, and their first major album Dookie, which was full of that wish, sold a huge 10 million copies.

But that wish did not come true. It was a failure. It's no surprise. It is impossible to break the timeline in a strict time flow. It's good that they ran forward with such a wish and became popular, but as time passed, they stumbled, they were troubled, and they got tired. That's the kind of Green Day I was attracted to. They were rejected with comments like "You're not punk, you're going to go to the majors and try to sell yourself!", but at the same time they were praised with comments like "You're the punks! Our real punks!" - it fits the 'me' and 'you' who had no idea who they were. "There's no point in looking back at the past!" they said in an interview, but "I look into the past and I want to make it last / I was there" ("I Was There") - yeah, that's ‘me’ and ‘you’ again. Moreover, they continued to behave too honestly, even more than ‘me’ and ‘you’. Yes, Green Day were too honest a band to be labelled as "young punk." Their second album was full of negativity with the title ‘Insomnia’, and their third, "Nimrod", crawled out of it and returned with musical breadth and verve. Green Day, as a band, had created a clear passage of time - a band story. In the end, Green Day seem to me to be the band that has bitten off the passage of time more than anyone else. That's why they were proud to be ‘our band’.

This year, they will release a new album, their first in three years since "Nimrod". I was very interested in this news, as it seemed to me that with "Nimrod" they had put some of their own drama behind them. Green Day have run, stumbled, and bounced back - what exactly are they going to show us of themselves next? Although I was only allowed to listen to six songs at the moment, I applied for an on-the-spot interview and headed for Los Angeles.

Los Angeles, a certain day in June. As I arrived at the hotel and was preparing for the interview tomorrow, I got a call from a record company representative. "They say they're doing a live studio today. They might play a new song, so let's go and see it." I rush out by taxi to a studio in the city, but it turns out to be a recording for a programme called "MTV Influence." The show is about artists who talked about the artists who influenced them in their music, and then played covers of those artists. On a table outside the studio was a random CD. It was Hüsker Dü. Well, that's interesting, isn't it? I say hello to the three members of Green Day. The drummer, Tre, was drinking beer, joking around and messing with the staff whenever he had the chance. He suddenly took the cigarette from one of the staff, a very fat guy of KONISHIKI's size (but with a bullet wound in his shin), climbed up the ladder, and jumped onto the roof of the studio. Then he grins. "Take it if you can, fatty," he said, just like a little kid (but in the end, the fatty man manages to climb the ladder and take it). I saw the ‘marijuana’ tattoo on Mike's arm with my own eyes for the first time. It looked strangely dazzling. Billie is, as I thought, nothing but mischievous looking, but he still has a great deal of thoughtfulness about him.

But basically, all three of them were still giving off the same ‘fuck-you’ vibe, which made me irresistibly happy. But I also thought they must be getting a bit older (as you can see from the photos in this issue).

The three of them played "Don't Want To Know If You Are Lonely". Well, it's a sad song to begin with, but even more so when performed by Green Day. Even the title of the song seemed to have a sadness that had Green Day's stamp on it, and it was very moving.

After the recording was over, we all looked at the TV in the studio and saw a car on fire. And so is the crowd. It's a riot. "Where are we?" "Hey, downtown. The Lakers won today, and this is what happens when they win," said the staff member. Billie was staring at the TV screen, but when he looked at us, he said in a tone that it was hard to tell if he was joking or serious: "Welcome to Los Angeles!" I should have laughed, but for a moment I thought of his history as a street kid. I felt as if he was seriously telling me, "Well, this is what California is all about", so I couldn't really laugh.

I left the studio and returned to the hotel, but Los Angeles was in a state of chaos everywhere because of the Lakers' victory. The roads were filled with cars and honking horns in celebration. The asses of the girls were dazzling, and the men hanging out in the streets would only say "LAKEEEEEEERSSSS!!!!!" when they opened their mouths. I'm a complete Asian country bumpkin, silently turning on my 8mm camera. In the end, the horns didn't stop honking until late at night. "Welcome to Los Angeles!"

The next day. I headed to the office, which was 10 minutes from the hotel. After listening to six new songs, we moved to the studio and interviewed the three of them.

It's been 10 years since you released your first album. Well, maybe it's not really a milestone because it's been 10 years, but I think there must be some kind of emotion to it. Billie (B): 「It makes me feel like I'm getting old, hahahaha. But we made our debut so early. I was only about 16 when I started this band. So…… Yeah, we've changed a lot since we started, it's true. When you're a kid, it's like time stands still, you don't really think about the next day (laughs). So we really had no idea how long this band would last back then. All we knew for sure was that we wanted to be in this band now.」 Mike (M): 「We've always tried not to look too far into the future. And now we're trying not to look too far into the past.」

But in 10 years, I went from being a kid who listened to Green Day to now coming to you for an interview, looking like a big shot. Tre (T): 「So you're old now, too, hee hee hee hee hee.」

Hahahahaha. Now that you've been together for such a long time, what do you think of each other? Do you think you've changed? T: 「We still have a perfect relationship, like spoons lined up in a spoon holder in a cupboard.」 B: 「Hahahaha. But I think all three of us have grown as individuals. And we've started to want more time away from each other. That's what happens when you get older, you know? You want to do what you like, how you like it.」

I see. You mentioned ‘doing what I like’, but in terms of ‘doing what I like’, I think the situation in the American music scene has changed a lot in the last three years. B: 「There have been so many different bands that have come out over the past three years, and there have certainly been quite a few that I don't really understand. But on the other hand, there are also a lot of bands that are working hard and making energetic music. For example, the Foo Fighters and Red Hot Chilli Peppers. They've been doing it for years and they're still growing, you know? But to be honest, we have to concentrate on our own work. I think it's quite a narcissistic idea that we can control the whole music scene (laughs). You have to accept that there are good bands and bad bands. For every good band I find, I find another I don't like. You just have to think of it that way.」

That said, it's been said that rock music is getting smaller and smaller, with hip-hop, teen bands and pop tunes with female vocals all being embraced. Do you think this is a very sad situation? B: 「"Rock's shrinking stature"? I think it's just dormant. Besides, I'm sure there's a vibrant rock band out there somewhere. I don't think rock ‘n’ roll is going away, I think it's just hibernating like a bear at the moment and it'll wake up and come back to bite us in the ass. Well, if you like rock ‘n’ roll, leave it to us. We've got some great stuff for you.」

But why do you think hip hop and teen pop are so popular? B: 「Well, I don't know. I think it's the same reason as when Run-D.M.C. became big. It fits in with the times, and hits the key points of American culture. I think that's what it's about. And I think the American music scene is always cyclical in all its styles. Every ten years a really good rock ‘n’ roll band comes along and explodes in popularity, and every ten years another really popular hip-hop band comes along.」

Cyclical. B: 「Yeah. At this very moment, there's a cool band playing in a garage somewhere with a cool sense of humour and cool opinions. Nobody knows they exist at the moment, but one day they'll burst onto the scene and show us what rock ‘n’ roll is all about again. It's just a matter of time, so we can't get fed up with what's going on. Once you're fed up, you'll end up not being able to see what's on the other side of all the crap that's trending right now.」 M: 「But I'm sure when we were kids there were a lot more rock’n’roll bands. So the music that people are influenced by now is probably different from when we were kids, and I think it's even different when you're younger.」 B: 「Oh, and I think a lot of bands these days are very conscious of self-marketing. Compared to those who were active in the early 90s, for example, they have a totally different mindset, really. They're on TV all the time, and they're always praising themselves like it's a telephone shopping show.」

Yeah, and there are bands that just sing "I'm pissed off!" and don't know what to do next. B: 「I've thought about that too. I think you should always have a sense of humour no matter what.」 M: 「It's no fun to perform. Especially when you call yourself an ‘angry band’.」 T: 「People who get angry easily seem to get pissed off at everything around them. It doesn't matter what they're angry about. Of course, we're not a bunch of chumps or anything, but, you know, when it comes to ourselves, we have to look at it fairly objectively from all angles.」

I see. So, let's talk about the new album… B: 「Great! (laughs)」 M: 「Thank you! (laughs). All the songs are tremendously inspired by all sorts of things. We took a break and waited for Billie's moment of inspiration to write new songs to come naturally. We practised all the time, but we didn't force him to squeeze out new songs. So it just happened naturally. Everyone wants us to explain everything, like, "What did you write? How is it different from before? What's changed? Have you grown?" But all we can say is, "Listen, this is our next album, it's a Green Day album, it's a rock “n” roll album".」 B: 「We're really proud of this album. I think I'm at a good time in my life right now, and……. And we all worked really hard on it, so I think we deserve to be proud of it. But I don't want to hype it up or sell it. I don't need to say anything, the music and the lyrics will speak for themselves. So…… yeah…… Anyway, this time it's just the three of us and we produced it ourselves, so it's a real, how can I say……」 M: 「Personal.」 B: 「Yes, it's definitely a personal work, and the whole album is full of uniqueness and hope and humanity, and the songs are about personal issues. And it's also…… It's also a fun album.」

You say that you produced such an album yourselves. How did that come about? T: 「Because we're the best producers in the world.」

……You say you produced it yourselves, but then again, why? B: 「(laughs). We had a lot of producers' names on the shortlist, you know. Just…… this album had too much weight to bring in outside influences.」 M: 「Yeah, in the end, when you want your car to run properly and you're there and the guy who made the car is there, and someone else comes in and says, "The body colour should be like this," how would you feel? Well, maybe they're right about the colour, but in the end, the car won't run properly without the person who made it. In other words, we're the mechanics on this album. That's what we wanted to do.」

So it took you three years after "Nimrod" to start work on this album, and the reason you didn't start immediately was to prepare for that? B: 「…………I was burnt out. I felt like I was going to hate the music too, so I needed to get away for a while before that happened.」

"Nimrod" was a great album, but were you too tired to maintain the energy you showed on that album and go straight into the next one? B: 「We just needed time to get back to normal life. The difference between "Nimrod" and this album is that last time it was like our lives went through the making of the album, but this time it's like the making of the album went through our lives. Do you see the difference?」

Yes, I do. B: 「We've been able to experience friends, family and all the elements of normal life over the last three years. If we kept living 24 hours a day all immersed in music …… I thought we'd end up neglecting ourselves and our music. If I could give one piece of advice to every band, it would be to put the guitar down and go away for a while. Before the guitar crushes you.」 M: 「Then by the end you'll be so desperate to play the guitar that you'll jump at the chance to play it. That's when you get the most incredible inspiration. So for the last three years I've been so preoccupied with life that I even forgot to play the guitar for a couple of days. Then I'd suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, or in the middle of dinner I'd suddenly think, "I'm not hungry. What's going on? I know! Let's play the guitar," and I'd jump at the guitar.」 B: 「The “Nimrod” tour was too long. So, we all felt that after that cycle, we needed to go home and experience a bit of “life”. We had to get a life so that we could write songs that had something real to say, instead of just writing about rock star woes while we were still on tour. No one wants to listen to that rubbish, and no one can relate to it, right? nd most of all, I can't relate to those songs either (laughs).」

(laughs) So you needed time to face yourself and reassess the situation. B: 「Yes, I just wanted to be able to write songs about what I experienced. And in order to do that, I needed to get away from music for a while. Because, you know, when you think about how many years we've been a band and how many times we've toured and made records for how long, a year off isn't long at all (laughs).」 M: 「Plus, we hadn't really taken a break up until that point.」

You took a year off? M: 「Yeah, but we only didn't play together for two months. And after those two months, we were back to practising five days a week. But I enjoyed that pace because of the break. We didn't try to force the songs.」 B: 「Yes, I didn't want to force it. So if I couldn't think of a song, I didn't force myself to write it. Anyway, the band was becoming a source of depression for me, so I needed to do other things…… Like having time with my family.」

The huge sales made you famous whether you liked it or not, but in the past, you guys were very resistant to your fame, weren't you? Has taking a break freed you from that? M: 「I still don't think we need fame. To be honest, I have a lot of fun, but the truth is, I'm both very outgoing and very shy at times, so it's hard when I want to be alone……」 B: 「I don't think there's anything wrong with being famous or successful - as long as you're doing it your own way and not anyone else's.」 T: 「And there are different kinds of fame. There's fame like Green Day, there’s fame like Macaulay Culkin, there’s fame like Shirley Temple…」 B&M: 「(laughs)」 B: 「Well, unlike those child stars who were totally controlled by their parents, we had freedom of choice and we're happy with the way our band is and what we're doing. We don't care what other people think of us or what they say about us or anything like that. But kids don't, do they? They don't have a choice, to be frank.」

So it sounds like you guys have learnt to deal with fame in your own way? M: 「Because, you know, nobody wants to hear you whine like that, do they? In fact, I don't want to hear myself whining. That's why…… When I realised I had learned how to cope with it. And how we cope with it is that we go home for a while and get completely away from it all and get back to ‘reality’. We go back to the world of friends, music and family. That's how you give yourself substance again…… You refill your water.’

With all that in mind, I think this "Warning" is a wonderfully balanced album that truly values ​​both "changing" and "staying the same." Well, I've only listened to six songs, so I don't know yet. M: 「(laughs). So it's like, you change your shoes but not your underwear?」 B: 「Same right! That's so cool! (laughs) ……Well, I mean, this album isn't about growing up and getting older or growing up and becoming an adult anymore. It's simply about growing up, that's what this album is all about. Always remember your roots……」 T: 「We'll play better music.」 B: 「Yeah, with the feeling that we're going to be a better band.」

I also thought that the album showed a very natural side of Green Day. B: 「It's a lot better than the “unnatural” Green Day of old, isn't it? (laughs)」 T&M: 「Hee hee hee hee!」

(laughs) I mean, before "Insomniac", you guys used the punk format to show us the sensations and ideas you'd acquired to survive on the streets. And with "Insomniac", there was an attitude of "If you're going to be negative, then go for it!" But with "Nimrod", you recovered from that kind of negativity and scaled up your expression by using strings and horns. But this time, I felt like it was Green Day's natural punk, in a way that was rather free from that kind of approach or storyline. It's not just about rushing, it's about punk. There were a lot of songs with an acoustic feel. B: 「First of all…… I don't think of Green Day as a punk band. I don't think it can be categorised in that extreme. I don't know, I just think we're a cool rock ‘n’ roll band. I don't really know what else to call it…… Well, we don't really care what other people call us, seriously, we've been called all kinds of things. We believed every single one of them at first, then we ignored every single one of them…… We just want to live. Seriously, as long as they let us live, that's all we want (laughs). But…… I'm sure I learnt from punk that it's about ‘being yourself’. So it's up to the person who goes through punk to decide what to do afterwards. And now we're just……. We're in the process of trying to grow up freely, without putting ourselves into genres or anything like that…… I think that's what this album is about.」 M: 「We are crazy punk guys, but at the same time we are very normal people. I think that part of us will continue to show up in our songs for a long time to come, just like it has in the past. We might be a little weirder compared to the old guy sitting next to us on the bus, but at the same time we might be more normal than the guy sitting at the back of the bus…… That's who we are.」

I see. The way you guys interact with music these days seems fresh in this 2000 era. T: 「That makes me happy.」

You mentioned above that the theme of punk is ‘to be yourself and live the life you want’, and that's also what you sing about in “Minority” on this album. B: 「Yes, “Minority” is about individuality, about being yourself. People don't belong to a country, they are who they are.」 M: 「That's what I've been trying to achieve in the last three years of my life - to be myself.」 B: 「Yeah, the songs on this album, “Deadbeat Holiday” is a song about not giving up on life, “Misery” is a story about people living miserable lives. And “Castaway” is…… I think it's about starting a new adventure. And “Macy's Day Parade” is about commercialism, about outside forces selling you things, but what you really want is hope for a better tomorrow. I think there are a lot of songs like that.」

…….That's amazing. B: 「That's what we're trying to do (laughs).」 M: 「It's a tough world out there (laughs).」 T: 「You have to live positively (laughs).」

(laughs) But, you know, I think you have a lot of depth when you can sing about things like that so honestly. I guess you guys really love people now. B: 「(laughs) Hmm, yes……」 T: 「Yeah, yeah, we're having sex with everyone one by one.」

(laughs). You know how? M: 「(laughs) Well, I've become a bit more tolerant, or maybe I've slowed down to the point where I can smell the roses.」 B: 「In the end, it's all about how you deal with your anger. Do you look for a solution, or do you hide in your shell and let the anger smoulder? That's what's changed a lot since before. And also in terms of how you channel your anger. Do you channel it in a positive way and make your life, and sometimes that's more important - other people's lives, better, or……?」 M: 「In short, are you going to find a proper solution or are you going to continue being an asshole (laughs)?」 T: 「Hahahaha.」 B: 「But there are times when I just want to be an asshole, of course. Like, I don't want to be in a good mood (laughs). That's seriously still there. But I think we've all become better at dealing with anger, especially in the last couple of years. I don't mean stop being angry. That's not what I want. I don't want to give up my anger. I just want to channel it in a positive way.」

I see. That's a very good state of mind. It's like all three of you are able to do punk independently of each other. M: 「Yes. —So for the next album we'll evolve even more and release a record for each of us. See, KISS did that a long time ago, right? We'll make a Billie album, a Tre album, and a Mike album like that.」 T: 「Hahahahahaha!」 M: 「And of course, the Mike album is the easiest record to listen to.」 T: 「And it's a two-disc set, right?」 M: 「Oh yeah, a two-disc set!」 B: 「Gahahaha!」 T: 「The discs are all poetry readings……」 B: 「Gahahahahahaha!」 M: 「Yes, yes, of course, the first disc is all poetry readings……」 T&B: 「Disc 2 is also a full-length reading series! (laughs)」 T: 「Hahahahahahaha! And the title will be “A truly enigmatic and brilliant man, his name is Mike”!」 M: 「Hahahahahahaha…… And also “Mike's Quick Guide” (laughs).」

(laughs) That's enough. M: 「(laughs). I think that as time goes by, we tend to lose sight of what we want most as individuals in life. But anyway, I believe that if you just keep moving forward, in the end you'll find out what you really want. That's why we took a break along the way. Not only for ourselves, but also for the people to whom we dedicate our music to. I think that's how we felt that we could keep going forward and not burning ourselves out.」

I have a feeling that you guys are trying to keep rocking out in your own natural way, while protecting your punk roots in a good way, so what do you think about that? M: 「Yeah, we're certainly at a point in our career where we can take it easy and not get too uptight.」

Do you feel you're moving forward in your career with confidence? B: 「I think so〜〜」 All: 「Ahahahahahahahaha!」 B: 「No, no, no. I don't have any confidence!」 M: 「Yes. As for us, we just have to keep working as hard as we have been working so far. That means first of all, we do what we are happy with. We always think that we are our own biggest critics, but at the same time, we are the ones who are the first to praise others and say, "Well done! You did well!"」 B: 「Well done, Mike!」 M: 「Gufufufufufufu (laughs).」 B: 「Well done, Tre!」 T: 「Billie, you too! (laughs)」

(laughs) I guess we should wrap up the interview then. So here's the last question. You are finally coming to Japan for Summer Sonic 2000, can you tell us how excited you are? M: 「It's great to be able to play at a festival.」 B: 「Yeah, yeah.」 T: 「We couldn't make it to Fuji Rock in 1998, so this time we're going to……」

Right (laughs). B: 「So, this time, we're going to give you a show that's so intense you won't be able to say a word! You guys can expect the best moment of your life at Summer Sonic.」

……Um, does Fuji Rock in '98 still have an impression on you? B: 「Yeah, I think it was terrible for the crowd. A lot of people got buried in the mud.」 M: 「And in the end we couldn't play.」 T: 「Right?」 B: 「Right? We had no choice but to stay in the hotel and shoot the people around us.」 T&M: 「Bwahahahahahahaha!」

……………………Oh, that's right. What's your hair colour going to be? B: 「I haven't decided.」 M: 「Me, I'm thinking of going for emerald green, but then again, I'm still on the fence about this one (laughs).」

Translator’s Note: KONISHIKI (originally named Saleva'a Fuauli Atisano'e, nowadays going by his naturalised name Konishiki Yasokichi) is a retired American-born Japanese professional sumo wrestler and still a celebrity in Japan. He was also at the time the heaviest wrestler ever in sumo, at a peak weight of 287 kg (633 lb), earning him the nicknames "Meat Bomb" and, most famously, "The Dump Truck".

Despite the journalist trying to hide when Green Day was having that particular episode of MTV Influence filmed, because he didn’t hide when that particular riot happened thanks to the Los Angeles Lakers winning the 2000 NBA Finals, I easily found that the day of the recording was done on June 19th, with the interview being done on the 20th the next day instead. So you’ve tried, Yanagi-san.

As mentioned in a previous translated post, there are at least 3 different accounts on what happened with Green Day when the first Fuji Rock Festival was cancelled back in 1997. Yes, it's 1997, not 1998 like Yanagi-san had mistaken here. The first ever Fuji Rock Festival was held in 1997 and subsequently cancelled because of how bad the location and weather was.

Do support me on my Ko-fi! ☕

[matcha-milkies]

MARLIN

Summary: Marlin travels across the ocean to save his son and comes home emptyhanded. (In which Nemo really does die at the hands of Darla.)

Content Warnings: Major Character Death

Tags: Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Self-Pity, Bad Ending, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 1,069

Link to AO3: Here

A/N: I wrote this thousands of feet in the air after rewatching Finding Nemo on an airplane, and then I let it rot on my drive for months SO UH. Enjoy my sleep-deprived angst?

I’m telling you, if I had posted this right after I got off the plane I would’ve been rambling in these notes about how Finding Nemo is one of the greatest animated films ever created (which I mean, it very well might be) but that’s just to give you an idea of the overzealous headspace I was in when I wrote this

The journey home feels short. He spends most of it in a daze. He’s surprised nothing got him in its jaws, and he wonders whether he would’ve tried to get away if anything had made the attempt. All that wild, reckless determination that had driven him across the ocean in a crazed frenzy, it’s gone, dispersed like dust in the current. He coasts along the seafloor looking and feeling hollow.

A few fish recognize him from the rumors, and when they try to talk to him, he just stares dead-eyed and desperately wishes they would try to eat him instead. He thinks maybe the shame will lessen with each retelling of the story, but in actuality it only intensifies.

“I didn’t make it in time.”

“I was too late.”

“Nemo is gone.”

It hurts to say. With every utterance, cold reality solidifies around him.

What makes it worse is those little landmarks, the trench, the minefield, milestones he passed with someone he’s trying to forget. It’s like grieving twice over. At times it feels like more pain than his little heart can reasonably be expected to bear.

And whatever pain he thought he felt on the way back, it’s not enough to prepare him for the wave of grief that hits him when he comes home to an empty anemone for the first time. He circles the interior aimlessly for a little while, like his brain is broken and doesn’t know how to locomote anymore. After a while, he finally settles down and lies on his side. He’s staring wide-eyed at the open blue above him and he looks dead.

At some point he falls asleep, and when he wakes up, he can’t tell himself it was just a dream, because the empty space beside him is impossible to ignore. He doesn’t get up from his spot on the floor. He doesn’t leave the anemone. He doesn’t eat. It’s a while before anyone comes to check on him.

“Hey, uh, Marlin?” It’s the seahorse dad. The irony of not being able to remember his name when he finally remembered Marlin’s. “You… You in there?”

Marlin closes his eyes and tries to go back to sleep. When he’s asleep he doesn’t have to think.

“A couple parents saw you come home the other day…”

After a few beats of silence, he finally pokes his head out between the anemone’s arms. “I appreciate the concern. Please go away.”

“But…”

Marlin’s already retreated back into his home.

He didn’t honestly expect anyone to care whether he wasted away, but to his chagrin they keep sending fish to check on him and make sure he eats. Maybe he wasn’t enough of a recluse before. They don’t seem to have gotten the memo that he wants to be left alone.

He has a lot of dreams about her, which is ridiculous and pathetic because she’s definitely already forgotten about him, and he was the one who left her when she practically begged him not to. How could he do that to her? A failure as a husband, a failure as a father, and now a failure as a friend too. Why didn’t he at least stay with her?

Because it would’ve been too painful. Because every time he looked at her, he’d hear, “The boat went that way.”

Well, it’s echoing in his head anyway. So a lot of good that did him.

He replays scenarios in his head where he does everything right and stops his son from going out there in the first place. Scenarios where he gets through the obstacles quicker, does things faster, gets to Sydney sooner. It’s a momentary respite and it’s also agonizing, self-inflicted torture.

Some fish named Gill finds him, what must be an eternity later. Claims to have known Nemo from the dentist’s aquarium. Marlin shoos him and the rest of his gang away, doesn’t want to look at them or talk to them. Doesn’t want to… to know what his son went through in those final days…

Except that he does.

Slowly but surely, he peers out from the anemone. “Wait.”

Gill glances back at Marlin.

“You were the last ones to talk to him,” Marlin croaks. “And the last thing that he said to me— I— I guess what I’m asking is…” He realizes he hasn’t cried since it happened, not really, overtaken first by panic, then shock. Here and now, to his absolute horror, he can’t stop his voice from breaking into tearful quavering. “What I’m asking is… Was-Was he angry at me?”

“Angry at you?” Gill seems genuinely taken aback. “He was desperate to get back to you. It was all he could talk about.”

“The last thing he said to me was that he hated me,” Marlin explains. (If he doesn’t count the terrified screaming for help, which he’s trying really, really hard not to think about right now.) “So you don’t have to sugarcoat it for my sake. If he really hated me, I-I want to know.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” the starfish lifts herself long enough to pipe up. “Anyone could see that kid loved you so much.”

“When he heard you were coming for him, oh, you should’ve seen the look on his face.”

“He was such a little trouper.”

“You gave him the courage to go through with our first escape plan,” Gill says, and then, growing more solemn, “It… It almost worked too.”

Resentful thoughts creep in. Why couldn’t you have escaped sooner. Why couldn’t you have taken my son with you? But that’s not fair. It’s not their fault Nemo is gone. It’s his. It’s only his fault.

Instead of voicing any of that, what Marlin does is break down into quiet, ugly. shuddering sobs. Before he even really realizes he’s weeping, he’s flanked on both sides by fish, the blue and white lady and the purple-yellow guy, consoling him with gentle fins. “Hey there, it’s okay,” says Deb.

“It’s not okay. I was supposed to protect him, and instead I yelled at him and he swam off, and there was the boat and the people, I—” He draws in an enormous breath, having forgotten to inhale. “Why didn’t I go after him right away?”

“You don’t know that it would’ve made a difference.”

Marlin breaks from his sobbing long enough to look at Gill.

“What’s done is done. All you can do now is… move forward.”

A/N: Why did I write this.

(Yeah I called this fish a husband and not a mate. He called his anemone a “house” in the movie’s opening scene, I’m taking a few liberties of my own.)

[south-sea]

Ooh, how about "X" for your black arms crew?

i'm including Neutral End in this too yahooo (from this!)

X. What's their biggest fear?

aruna he's been through so much these past 13+ years that he's swung pretty hard into "desensitized" territory. to most, he would seem eerily unfazed and always collected. the exception might be disorientation in relation to waking from particularly nasty nightmares, but those rarely happen, and tend to happen only under specific circumstances, so i'm not counting it.

it's less that he's afraid of traditional tangible things at this point, and more about concepts. the thought of forgetting fills him with so much dread it's hard for him to process. when he starts to get into it, there comes a point where he has to force himself to stop thinking about it or he'll drive himself mad trying to recall what's no longer there, or the sinking feeling that there's something he's already missing.

nearly his entire self-proclaimed purpose in life now, other than to live for himself, is to remember. memories are all he has left to keep his people alive. so for him to forget even the smallest detail is to essentially be a failure who's lost his purpose for living in place of... literally everyone else. the survivor's guilt is real, and it is heavy. it doesn't manifest with sadness. it's simply this.

he likes to think he remembers everything perfectly. time and trauma have seen to it that he does not. he claims his people didn't have songs. he's forgotten black moth knew and sang the last of their kind.

black moth it's a little odd for a "moth", maybe, but bright lights instill an almost primal sense of dread in him. he can't pinpoint any rhyme or reason for it. in most other situations, he'd have the "fight" reaction when adrenaline kicks in, but when it comes to this, he just freezes.

and by bright lights i don't mean just any. it's not as if he's going to freak out if you turn on overhead fluorescent lights or something, even if he's not a fan of those in general. it's if he's already in a dark room and you shine a single beam on him from overhead, or things like extremely bright, large spotlights in the distance.

he assumes it's fear, anyway. maybe it would be more accurate to say it's awe. the last traces of some long-buried memory.

black moth remembers the songs. black doom remembers the illuminated rings their planet had. they've both forgotten pieces of their history they once held dear, and all that's left in those empty places is dread. but maybe it's better to fear this empty unknown than to mourn it.

alt doom defeat or mistakes he can't come back from. he has been beaten and pushed into a corner countless times, but he always comes out on top in some way, or knows when to employ a strategic retreat. this guy is ruthless and thorough in a much more strategic way, or at least the little mishap with gerald taught him to be.

if he knew what aruna had been through to end up with his entire species eradicated, he'd be a) dumbfounded by aruna's "stupidity", and b) horrified by the outcome. alt doom cannot fathom a reason or a route where he himself would get desperate enough for it to end like that. the possibility of losing that badly, and that much, is almost beyond his ability to comprehend.

he's lucky that arrogance hasn't been his undoing. if he were still in existential peril these days, maybe it would be.

neutral end doom he's kind of just aruna give or take some steps, and that's intentional, but by the end he's different enough to have a place on this list. especially since his fear is different: time. he's genuinely just afraid of running out of time, despite staring that fact in the face constantly. past a certain point in his hive, his kind dying and fizzling out is just a known inevitability.

he knows that, and yet he refuses to let it consume him. so he claims. that broken hourglass hangs heavy from his chains.

neutral end shadow honorary black arms. the running trend here is loss. he is keenly aware now-his-kind are going to die. he's seen countless black arms be cut down or wither away. he doesn't want to lose anyone else, least of all black doom or black moth.

it's inevitable, he knows. he's seen the hourglass too. but he'll be thankful for the time they have left until there's no one left to be thankful for.

[thelongestway]

FFXIV Write 2024, Prompt 23: On Cloud Nine

I slid into The Forgotten Knight's shadows with a familiar feeling of relief. Its inn, Cloud Nine, was my home away from home in Ishgard - house Fortemps may have adopted me, but I'd always needed to haunt at least one space of my own, to have a place to wake without ceremony or servants. And this tavern, with its shadowy corners and rough beds? Was perfect.

Having friends here made it all the better. Alisaie trailed me as I said my greetings - Rielle, Sigurdu, Haimirch, and finally Bamponcet.

"The usual room?" The barkeep asked.

"Aye. We won't be long. Work to do."

Perhaps Bamponcet would have made a wildly inappropriate joke, as was the coin of the realm in this tavern, but Alisaie's scowl and the distinct red glow of her rapier shut him up quick. Instead, he looked from her to Rielle - who looked like she would summon a proper balisarde from the sheer darkness if he gave her cause - and merely smirked.

"Give me fifteen. Need to clear out the bottles from the last visitors."

"So long as it's not an utter pigsty, I'm happy," I grinned back, and looked over to Alisaie. "Good thing, really. I've been wanting to introduce you to Rielle for a while. Shame Alphinaud isn't with us."

As we approached, Sigurdu eyed us with his customary dark humor, and then said to me:

"We both have a habit of picking up strays, eh?"

To her credit, Alisaie didn't skewer him immediately. Instead, she looked to Rielle and smiled a courtly smile.

'I'll assume tall, dark and suffering here is your ward. I'm Alisaie Levellieur, and it is a pleasure to meet you."

"Rielle de Caulignont." The smile she returned was an appropriately icy Ishgardian noble's. "Conjurer, and knight in training. So yes, my ward. And the pleasure is entirely mine."

Sigurdu sputtered. I folded my hands, and wished that I had some sort of repast for the pleasure of watching this unfold. Alone, Rielle and her very logical arguments had been all too easy to ignore. But as anyone who'd spent any time with Elezen knew, the moment there were two cunning youths with complementing skills in one place... Well, Sigurdu never stood a chance.

He valiantly tried anyway.

"Now wait just a-"

"Please," Alisaie gave him a withering glare. "I can see the age-old argument arising as you think it. There is an old Ishgardian maxim my father has always been very fond of: if the shield breaks, it is the crook's fault. So, you are her ward. At least until lady de Caulignont earns her blade and finds herself a new crook."

"Rielle will do." Of course, using a name soured by Ystride de Caulignont had to have stung. But it was well that the wound had healed enough Rielle could use it at least in passing.

"RI-elle," Alisaie drawled. "I realize we've known each other for mere seconds, but I would happily impose on you at your leisure if you were open to the idea? My brother and I have long been lacking a third for practice. I'm a sword and he's a crook, you see..."

"...I would be delighted to be your shield. Shall we compare schedules?"

After that utter failure of an assault, Sigurdu turned to me and gestured at the two young women, by now fully embroiled in planning.

"What."

"What?"

"Why in the hells are you..."

"I am doing nothing." I interrupted. "I hadn't even warned Alisaie about you two. They hit it off entirely on their own, within moments. Looks like an excellent start to me."

"If your wards needed practice, you would have fully sufficed!"

"You know how the rest of that proverb goes? Swords die, it's their own Twelves-damned fault. And I have always been a sword at heart." Sigurdu gave me a very skeptical look, and I shrugged. "You know well enough my greatsword comes out only for very specific occasions. I don't live in that part of the shadow."

"You," he said with feeling. "Are a lazy bastard."

I tapped my new staff's dark gem.

"Comes with the territory. Besides, Sigurdu. I've got news that concerns you and time to kill."

"And you owe me a bloody drink."

[kannedia]

Differences from Canon:

Remembers nothing from 1.0. The only people who know this are Urianger, Alphinaud and Alisaie as they were all involved in exploring the Binding Coils.

Punches Sevrin [male hyur, important to Limsa Lominsa starting quests] in the face when she finds out that he put his crewmates in trouble for money.

Didn't quite feel like she belonged with the Scions in the beginning. This doesn't disappear completely as not being repeatedly told to rest rather than report in to the Exarch with the others in Shadowbringers makes her uncomfortable.

Counts the tragedy at the Waking Sands as her first failure rather than Haurchefaunt.

Is happy when she meets Yugiri as the other woman is the first Au Ra she meets in Eorzea. She's just as happy when she sees Sidurgu for the first time. She even goes to talk to him the next time she's in the Forgotten Knight. He only glares at her in turn.

Blames Midgardsormr for indirectly causing Moenbryda's death, as him stripping her of the blessing of light allowed an ascian to find their base. Winds up acting a little salty around him because of it.

She hugs Minfillia before parting with her when fleeing from the Bloody Banquet, and would have confessed her crush to her there had things not gone south.

Has trouble pronouncing Ishgardian names. Haurchefaunt is particularly hard for her. It's a wonder he gets a crush on her at all. He does confess to her though and gets politely turned down. She's interested in Minfilia at this point and desperately keeping her eyes and ears out for news of her fellow Scions. They settle into a comfortable friend/sibling relationship after.

Never understands what Haurchefaunt saw in her but vows to strive to be the hero he saw her as.

Never really warms to Ishgard. A combination of bad experiences and poor first impressions. She considers the Waking Sands and the Rising Stones to be her homes. This would be reflected in Shadowbringers.

Is not fond of the leaders on either side of The Dragon Song war. In specific, she sees Hraesvelgr as a self-righteous hypocrite and the Archbishop as a sanctimonious dastard. Gets involved anyway to prevent more innocents from getting dragged in on both sides.

While grateful to him, Asel only sees Count Edmondt on neutral terms. She does not see him as a good father, let alone a sort of foster one. Which makes the fact that he's pen pals with her actual parents baffling to her. They reached out to thank the man, after finding out about her time there, to thank him for taking care of their daughter. There is an open offer between the two families to stop by if they're ever in the area.

Gets upset when Thancred punches Emmanellain. That is not how you handle a mental health emergency. She remains angry at him until the Stormblood patches. Changes into conflicted throughout most of Shadowbringers.

Isn't comfortable with the idea of participating in the Nadaam, even if she has generations of ancestors who called the Steppe home. The long term effects of them winning trouble her. Asel never tells her parents about fighting in it. They find out anyway.

Shares sweets with Tsuyu when she sees her, often of her own making. Has to be stopped from taking a swing at her former boss [Jifuya] after she hears his story. She was sincerely hoping for the woman's second chance.

Is not happy with Alphinaud's decision to go to Garlemald. Pushes him to take some of her health potion supply with him.

Heads to Amh Araeng first due to her promise to not leave Alisaie. Hides behind her guide when crowded by merchants who just found out she has a Voeburt gold piece.

Never brings up her past crush on Minfilia. Figures the others need the support more than her, especially as she was the last to see the other woman alive. Is immediately protective of Ryne but sees her as her own person.

Has a miserable time in Rak'tika. Between being mistaken for a sin eater and Y'shtola using Flow, she spends nearly the entire section on edge. She withdraws into herself and barely speaks until Y'shtola returns from the lifestream. Takes her time walking back to Crystarium and winds up running into Alphinaud and the Exarch at the entrance of the city.

She is unsure of the relationship between Runar and "Master Matoya" and becomes even less sure of if she should ever confess [See "little sun" for reasons to take confessing lightly].   

Doesn't stay up too late for the party at the end of Shadowbringers due to both the size of the crowd and actually being tired.  

WOL profile: Asel Kha

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[thcscheis]

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[apompkwrites]

I’ve read (most of) your twisted wonderland sibling things and as the oldest in my family, it feels…weird! Like! It’s super cute but as the oldest it had me thinking, what would the older siblings be like!?! (With angst, cause who doesn’t love to cry!?!)

Rosehearts

The older Rosehearts would prob be a wild child, the second they were out of their mothers control they nose dived. They did drugs and alcohol, so many parties. They hit rock bottom then started digging cause they were finally allowed to make mistakes! Since their mother was so controlling, they really don’t know how to handle money, or dieting, or anything really, cause they never had the chance to learn. Their mother has disowned them, but Riddle gets a card for every holiday with no return address and only a small rose and heart drawn in the corner. Riddle knows who it is, but just tells his mom it’s from a school mate. One holiday when he doesn’t get a card, he thinks they’re gone. They’re gone and he never got to show off his housewarden outfit, or show them how far he’s come. He never even got to say good bye and now their gone!

Kingscholar

Major Middle child syndrome, always forgotten. Farlan is king, Leona is a disgrace, and Sib is just…there. Average, boring, nothing special. They end up basically a shadow in the castle, even Farlan and Leona forgetting them sometimes, until they see a third place at the table that just feels empty. Honestly, sometimes the brothers wonder if their Sibling died and they never heard about it because they just…never see them! They see remnants, a dirty plate, some books left out, ect, but hasn’t seen THEM for so long. Cheka probably doesn’t even realize he has another aunt/uncle, he’s only heard stories of the rumored “forgotten Kingscholar”. Sometimes Leona sees them turn a corner, but when he gets there the other is gone, or sees them outside through a window, but again, they’ve disappeared by the time he arrives. Neither brother remembers what their siblings face looks like, or what their hairstyle is. Sometimes they both wonder if they even had a sibling, until a memory of them as kids playing surfaces, a third unknown cub running around with them, and laughter that isn’t either of their own

Ashengrotto

Sib probably went with their father after the divorce of their parents, they ended up the major bully after being bullied so much. If everyone hates them, they hate everyone. Their tentacles are covered in scares, and always scraped up now. A major punk, lone shark, ect. They’ve turned their back on everyone. Azul doesn’t remember them much since they’re usually not around anyway, but he remembers being read bedtimes stories by someone soft and sweet, he remembers when his parents would scream and fight and wake him up in the middle of the night, someone would crawl into bed and cover his ears to muffle the sounds. He remembers their face vividly, and he hates what they’ve become. He wants to help protect them now, from their selves. They protected him as a guppy, it’s his turn to return the favor, if he can convince them they need other people. It hurts when they push him away now instead of curling around him so protectively.

AlAsim

The failure of the Al Asim name, Kalim is the true AlAsim, the oldest was a fluke, a mistake, a bastard. Kalim’s older sibling was born to a mistress, and for no fault of their own, the entire family hates them. Kalim’s mother despises the living proof of her husband’s lies, their father hates the look of his mistakes, only Kalim loves his sibling. But that’s not enough when even the servants call you a mistake. Sib would always try to play with Kalim and Jamil when they were younger, brushing out Jamil’s hair and teaching them to braid, helping put on jewelry and dress up only to be shooed away from the “True Al Asim” to keep their bastard hands from harming Kalim. They tried so hard to love and be loved, by anyone! Kalim remember ps playing airplane, remembers them flying on the magic carpets, playing dress up and pretend, it’s why he always played those with his younger siblings now. They brought such joy to him, but they never smile anymore. They don’t play anymore. They just sit there, almost catatonic, eat, sleep, like a living doll. He misses their smile.

(That’s all I’ve got for now,

waaaah older sibling hcs!!!

interesting take on our older!rosehearts :OO kinda like rebel except they start spiraling and spiraling until they just... disappear. i would guess that older rose has been sending riddle cards for the longest time but only until after his overblot did he fully appreciate them. and then, shortly after, the letters stopped. the only confirmation of his older sibling being alive has vanished and he can't help but wonder if he had realized things sooner, would they still be here?

older!kingscholar is average. theyre not excelling or failing they're just... surviving. their presence is still in the castle but their actual being is never seen. they wander the halls silently, leaving traces of their whereabouts only to disappear once again. it would take a miracle for anyone to see older kingscholar again.

i like the idea of older!ashengrotto being a sort of rock for azul? only to be taken away from him because of the divorce? like when azul was being bullied when he was younger, older ashengrotto would swoop in and take him away, shooing off the bullies in the process. but ever since they were taken away to live with their father, they've grown cynical of everything. the only person they cared for was their younger brother but now they barely get to see him :((

and and older asim being the child of a mistress which is why kalim is seen as the golden child of the asims :OO they love their little siblings but their parents shun them from being able to be that older sibling to them. all because of a mistake that wasn't their fault, only the cause of their entire existence. and eventually, all of that shunning turns them into a human doll. they learn that they have no free will because they are only defined by a mistake their father made years ago D:

[redrobin-detective]

Ok, I’ve tried and tried and tried to write this fic because I see it so clearly in my mind but it’s just not going no matter what I do. But I don’t want the idea to die with me. The closest this came to being written was exile which was an attempt to bleed out some of the energy of this au.

Anyway, so it starts off vaguely similar to canon only more aggressive. There had been underlying tension between ghosts and humans for a while, the dead jealous/angry at the living for disrespecting them. The successful creation of the Fenton ghost portal (and another halfa) was considered an act of war and so the ghosts responded in kind. So basically all of S1 occurs fairly close to canon except ghost attacks are more violent and have increasingly more consequences as time passes. Also the attacks aren’t just in Amity Park with ghosts becoming a worldwide issue but Amity is a focal point. Regular people know the ghosts hate them though they don’t know why. Phantom is very much a controversial figure as he is a ghost but also clearly is fighting off the more violent ghosts. 

One day, not long after the events of Control Freaks, Amity Park wakes up to find three of their own are gone. Danny Fenton, Sam Manson and Tucker Foley are nowhere to be found. There’s a massive manhunt, the parents go on TV and beg for information but they cannot be found. Curiously enough, town hero Phantom was also missing. There’s some evidence they left of their own volition so the Mansons and Foleys eventually relent that the kids fled on their own. The Fentons are 100% certain the kids were stolen/killed by ghosts as a statement. And the fact that Phantom went missing around the same time means he was the one who killed them. Jazz knows Danny was Phantom but had no idea what was going on and knew her parents wouldn’t listen she just, kept quiet and privately tried to piece together what happened. 

Three years pass and finally it looks like the Ecto War is coming to a close. Young, naive ghosts attempted to raise Pariah Dark in a bid to win. It went disastrously but Phantom (who was periodically spotted around the world, deep in the worst battles of the war) and group of loyal allies subdued the king. By the law of ghosts, Phantom was named heir apparent and he declared that the fighting would stop. Humans and ghosts would have to negotiate and co-exist in peace. But he’s not king yet, no he needs to be crowned at the place where it began, Amity Park’s Fenton portal (”where it all began” has a double meaning of the beginning of the war but also symbolically where Phantom began as Kings assume the crown where their living life ended to show their abandonment of their first life and the commitment to their second). Amity is NOT happy to hear that their former hero is coming home.

Amity has been through the wringer, ghost attacks got pretty bad. The Fenton’s throw themselves into their work to cancel out the grief, they create a group of ghost hunters nicknamed the Reds (for their red blood, ghosts are nicknamed Greens) to control the threat. Valerie heads the young adult division and is considered one of the best, she drops out of school to devote herself to it full time. Oh also her dad is now the Mayor as most have died or didn’t want the job. There are still people who like Phantom and see him as a hero (a lot of Casper Kids) but it’s generally an unpopular opinion in town. Maddie and Jack are ready to obliterate the ghost that took their son’s life the moment he’s within city limits. It’s a powder keg ready to blow. It all comes to a head when Phantom and his entourage arrive.

First off, Phantom looks very different, much less human looking than when he left. He’s clearly aged like a normal teen but his eyes look much, much older.  His skin is dead white with a blue tinge to it from his ice core and his aura is super cold. His hair is longer and is very misty that kind of swirls around him and his has fangs and claws. When he’s deep in battle or his obsession, his sclera turn black and he looks scary af. His entourage is ghosts who have sworn loyalty to him, who he picked up along the way after battling beside them for 3 years. Fright Knight, Skulker and Frostbite are recognizable allies. They are not happy that their future King is back in Amity (secretly fearing they’ll lose him once more to his human life). J&M have a shot and are going for the kill when they see something that shocks them; Sam and Tucker are in Phantom’s entourage.

There had been whispers that Phantom interacted with humans, that humans were in his inner circle but this is something else together. And so are Sam and Tucker. Sam is Phantom’s General, she is talented and collected and half feral. She used to be a pacifist but the trials of war and understanding that peace sometimes needs to be fought for made her compromise. She’s covered in scars and an extremely talented fighter. She’s missing her right hand up to her forearm, she can form a ‘phantom limb’ (basically borrowing ectoplasm from her future ghost) to do some things with some powers. Tucker is the support, he uses human and ghost tech to organize, weaponize and generally keep things running. He’s covered in homemade tech (shields and weapons and computers) and he rarely removes. Both he and Sam have kinda forgotten how to interact with and really BE human after so long among the dead. They had attempted to conceal themselves but they had forgotten how strong parental love and recognition is. J&M want to know about Danny, the teens don’t know how to respond but assure them he’s alive. Phantom can’t bring himself to look at them.

This is where I start to lose track of things but there will be parallels of Valerie/Maddie vs Sam as female warriors on opposite sides who are willing to go behind, possibly compromising the things important to them, for victory. Tucker will be contrasted against Jack/Jazz as the one making weapons but also generally keeping the human parts of the team mentally/physically afloat. *Severe* PTSD for all three of them. They’re also unnaturally codependent on each other, get super anxious when one of the trio is out of sight and sleep in a big cuddle pile. They will fucking Kill You if you look at one of them wrong. Vlad will be involved, he had been jailed for war crimes but convinced Walker to stage a coup to overthrow Danny and take the crown before he’s actually declared King and is too powerful. Vlad is more unhinged here, more ghost than human (a hint on what could happen to Danny if he’s not careful). He is eventually defeated but he sacrifices his life for ghost power which, in the end, is what makes him able to be beaten.

 There’s lots of ideas on what it means to be live or dead and where the divide really is, is it a heartbeat or it is how you choose to use your existence. On how duty shouldn’t mean you need to give up everything. Because Jack and Maddie believe that Phantom killed their son and, in a way, they’re right. Before they left, the ghost war had gotten so bad and the rumors of Dark being resurrected were going around. Amity attacks were at an all time high, people in their school were being killed just because Danny went there. He realized he had to choose between Fenton or Phantom and he chose to protect the world. He abandoned his human identity and went off to fight in war. Tried to convince Sam and Tucker to stay but they followed him through hell and back. Because Danny spends so much time as Phantom, Fenton is severely neglected. His long hair is cool and floaty as Phantom but is unkempt and stringy, hanging in his face as Fenton. He’s wan and underweight and looks like a walking corpse. He knows his human half will give out soon if he doesn’t give it more attention but he just can’t there’s too much to do, too many people to save.

It would end with Danny being outed to the town, not the world, just the town. Jack and Maddie need to recon with the fact that their boy DID leave of his own choice but only because their failure to protect him (from both the portal and ghosts) made him feel he had to take all this responsibility on his shoulders. Danny also has to recognize that he (and Sam/Tuck) can’t do all this on their own and they can trust and rely on the people around him. Phantom is crowned King but he decides Amity will be his base. The trio eat more, sleep some, catches up on school all the while continuing their duties as King and court. The ghosts also see that Phantom’s humanity isn’t a weakness but a strength and will bring peace to the Earth/Zone so they also take some of the burdens off his shoulder. 

Basically I load up heavily with angst at the beginning and end with all the love and comfort imaginable. I just can’t fucking figure out the middle and my motivation will not let me write this shit out. But I can’t let this AU die bc it fucking keeps me up at night.

[dreamkidddream]

I’m the Doll!MC Anon and I just wanna say I’m so glad that you enjoy a soft/delicate!MC and I really didn’t expect it to get so much love!

Since I kinda want to be evil and see the boys be overprotective, can I request hc’s of them seeing Doll!MC getting hurt by some lesser demon that bumps her into the ground and she gets a bruise? 🌚

Omg Doll Anon I wasn’t expecting it to get so much love either (here’s the original Doll!MC HCs if anyone wants to read)!! So I actually had your request saved for when I was done with the prompt special bc it’s so good, so I decided to combine them and I have definitely been waiting to write this 😈😈 Reader is gender neutral!

CW: mention of blood (nothing graphic) and spoilers for Lesson 16 (Lucifer, Mammon, Beel, and Belphie’s part)

The Brothers and Diavolo with Doll!MC who Gets Hurt

Lucifer

Okay whoever is dumb enough to hurt you in front of him deserves this 100%

The air around this man is already more than intimidating, so whoever tries this is a poor, stupid soul

When he saw you fall down the stairs, he felt his stomach turn. He already caught you before you could injure yourself further, but after seeing the blood coming down your face, the damage was already done

Now, Lucifer is the brother who always has control over himself and what he does. But, we also know that how his temper can get, especially when it comes to his family

This demon is dumb enough to push you but not dumb enough to crack a smile in front of him, especially with how tense Lucifer is getting right now

He sat you up and tried to remember some first aid techniques to stop the bleeding. You’re on the verge of losing consciousness, but you’re okay right now. He’ll take you home, but first-

His glare is making the demon freeze in place right now, and the anger radiating off of him is petrifying

How dare- how dare this fool harm you, in front of him no less?! Did they think that he wouldn’t do anything? That Lucifer, the Avatar of Pride, one of the strongest demons to ever grace the Devildom, would just idly stand by and let this happen?

He’s stalking towards them, and he can feel his fangs showing and his diamond appearing on his forehead, growling out how they will pay for this-

But he’s stopped by Lord Diavolo, who was shocked by the scene. You’re unconscious, and Lucifer has this poor student hanging in the air by their uniform, claws ready to slice through them. Needless to say, he understands why his close friend is upset, but for everyone’s safety he should just take you home like planned

You thought Lucifer was a helicopter parent before? You haven’t seen NOTHING yet

He would start inviting you more to his room to sleep in his bed while he works away, and it started happening so much that he didn’t even ask anymore and started expecting you to always be in there

So instead of him being glued by your side, you’re glued to his. It’s obvious that he can’t let you out of his sight without something happening (again), so hope you’re ready to see experience Lucifer’s daily routine from sunrise to sunset and a whole new set of rules. Basically playing follow the leader, but with a lot more handholding and kisses

You had to practically beg to be back into the kitchen, and he only relented when he could be the one to supervise you, and even then he still didn’t want to hold anything sharp or be near anything that could injure you (which is pretty much everything)

The main one to put a stop to his brothers’ schemes, handing out harsher punishments than before each time they try to involve you. This man is not playing any games with anyone

You know he means well, he was already overprotective from the start, and this is just his way of showing that he cares about you. You can tell every time he gives you that soft look in his eyes, and the regret that he shows every time he catches sight of your bruise. He may not like to be vulnerable, but he couldn’t hide his emotions from you too long. You’re like a weakness to him, one that he isn’t against indulging in

And he hasn’t forgotten about that student, oh no. He made sure to have a nice lengthy chat with them when you both returned to RAD. You didn’t question it when he informed you that the student had been rightfully punished and no longer an issue, and you tried to ignore the red dots splattered on his shoes, or that sadistic gleam in his eyes...

Mammon

This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening-

The blood is pouring from your head, and your eyes are closing too fast for him, and his heart stops

You look lifeless, like when Belphie killed you, when he was too late to save you-

He’ll never forget that image, it’s drilled deep into his mind, forever a reminder of his failure to protect you. And now he failed again-

This demon is gloating about this, and that’s when he snaps

He was already in his demon form and beating the life out of them when he was restrained. Many people were shocked that he was capable of this, that Mammon the scumbag, Mammon the dummy, Mammon the punching bag was capable enough to be this dangerous, this deadly. He’s the second born after all, and he’s the strongest right under Lucifer himself, and he holds a lot in

He could- he would do a lot more because they deserve it, but just seeing you so still, it snaps him out of it. You’re more important to him than getting his anger out, and you’re the one he needs to be focusing on right now. But rest asssured, this isn’t over

You thought he was attached to you before? He is glued to your side 24/7 and will not be leaving anytime soon. Ever since you woke up he never let go of you, calling you “his human” and just hugging you tight

Also if you have to go down the stairs you guys are FLYING no exceptions! The stairs are the devil in his eyes (how ironic) and he will not be risking anything with you

If you guys aren’t out and about under his careful and watchful eye (and I mean very careful, he’s like your very own bodyguard but with a lot more growling and snapping on strangers than usual), then you’re in his room doing whatever. Watching movies, playing cards and somehow beating him every time (he swears that he isn’t letting you win! Lies), whatever you wanna do. As long as you’re with him, giggling and safe, he’s happy and stress free

You mean so much to Mammon MC, he can’t even tell you if he tries. Under his tsundere traits, he really loves you, like really loves you! He’s just so scared of being rejected and losing you a second time. But now that he knows you’ll always be there for him, he’s going to do the same for you (but he already was even if you didn’t like him) He hates looking at that bruise right now, but it’s set as a reminder to not let something happen to you again

Also, another thing that people forget about Mammon is that he can talk to crows. So it wasn’t much to have them track down the person who caused you pain, and it didn’t take long for him to find them either. He thinks that the aftermath will set a good lesson for everyone else who continues to underestimate him when it comes to you: don’t

Leviathan

See, this is why he never leaves his safe haven AKA his room!

After he saw your head hit the ground hard, he was freaking out. He doesn’t know what to do, he wasn’t prepared for this! He tried shaking you to keep you awake, but your eyes were steady closing

Everything is happening in slow motion. You’re slumped over on the ground while the person who did it is laughing at him

If anything, the person who did it should be the one on the ground, not you, not his Henry. It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair!

The demon stopped laughing when their windpipe was getting crushed by the second. They couldn’t even try to loosen the grip, Levi’s tail is rather strong, and so is he. He is the third strongest out of his family and the Grand Admiral of the Navy, yet people tend to forget that

Everyone knows how bad Levi’s tantrums can be, but this isn’t just a tantrum, it’s much worse. Had the brothers not intervene, he would have done much worse than summoning Lotan (which he was on the brink of doing anyway)

When you did wake up, he was so upset. Of course he let this happen, he’s just a worthless otaku who couldn’t even keep his crush safe-

OMG why are you hugging him and patting his head?! Quit it- well wait, this does feel kinda nice...Ugh you’re such a normie! Getting hurt so easily and still trying to put a smile on his face. But it does make him feel better

He rarely left his room before, and you guys are definitely not leaving it now. It’s like having a sleepover, but it never ends. That sounds great, right MC? Endless marathons of TSL and other anime, co-op video games, trying on his cosplay outfits that he made (some even made just for you and he needs to cover that bruise somehow), it’s going to be so fun and you’ll be safe with him! Who wouldn’t want that??

We all know that Levi is very self conscious. He knows that he isn’t confident like Lucifer and Mammon, or attractive like Asmo, or smart like Satan or Belphie, or physically fit like Beel, he knows. But every time you listen to him ramble on about this new anime show that he wants you guys to binge, or when he rants about a stupid move his teammate did in an online match, he feels valued. He feels loved. And while it’s hard for him to express his feelings, it’s no doubt in his mind that you’re important to him, and that he’s beyond happy that someone like you is his best friend

One day he’ll get the courage to say those three words, but he hopes that you already know with everything that he does for you

For example, Levi is an aquatic demon, and he has the ability to communicate with all types of sea creatures. Granted, he knows right from wrong, but in his eyes he’s taking care of the problem. So it wouldn’t be a huge issue if he used them to clean up the remaining mess of said problem, right? I mean, his venom can only do so much, and he doesn’t need anyone questioning him, and Lotan does get hungry...

Satan

He could only see red. Both from his anger surfacing and from the fact that you’re bleeding

He had his claws wrapped around the neck of the one responsible before they could even think about running. This- this filth dared tried to escape after he hurt you? And they thought that Satan would just let them get away with it?

They must forget that he’s the Avatar of Wrath, the one who doesn’t show mercy

He just kept pounding the demon into the ground, over and over and over and over. He didn’t even care about the blood splatter it was leaving on the lockers or on him

He was this close to finishing them off when he heard you call out for him, and it took everything in him to drop them. He squeezed their neck a final time, not even close to being satisfied with the whimper he heard, and growled out a promise of that he will find them and will make sure that they suffer before he threw them down. They better count themselves lucky that they get to crawl away in one piece (for now), because had you not been there-

Oh, he is seething the more he thinks about it

But you bleeding is a distraction from it, even if it is making his stomach turn, it’s helping him know that he needs to help you now

He didn’t have to let his brothers know as they came to see what the commotion was, and Lucifer (even if he didn’t want to believe it himself) was anxious that he was the cause of it. But after he saw the hold he had on you and another demon barely clinging onto life, he knew otherwise

It was decided that you two going home would be the best course of action (which it didn’t matter to Satan, you both weren’t going to stay here whether it was demanded or not), and he calmed down enough to properly treat you

You didn’t leave his room for the rest of the day, and he even gave up his bed for you to lie in so that he can do some research. The human body is a complicated thing, but Satan can learn it like the back of his hand just for you. So just go ahead and rest for now MC- or maybe not, you might have a concussion according to this book and if you do he needs to monitor your condition!

Even after you were healed, he didn’t let you out of his sight and daily checkups were a must. Dr. Satan is in the building!

You eventually moved back into your room (you would have stayed longer but he’s a little nervous with his towering stacks of books and doesn’t want anymore accidents), but he practically moved in with you with how much he comes over, either falling asleep at your desk reading a book or falling asleep in your chair right next to your bed

Very reluctant to have you around stairs, it makes the hairs on his neck stand up. He’ll let you go down the stairs ONLY if you’re holding his hand. If you’re upset with those conditions (spoiler alert you’re not), then you better be ready to learn some teleportation spells (but even then he’s still not leaving your side)

He doesn’t hold his temper back with the others when it comes to you for the time being. If he even senses that Mammon, Asmo, or Levi is coming to you with something that can cause trouble, he’s growling at them to leave you alone, horns slowly coming out and tail whipping furiously

However, he tries not to lash out in front of you. He realizes that he lost control with that demon, and how it could have terrified you had you been fully conscious, but he doesn’t want you to think that he’s just a monster. He wants you to continue to treat him like you do now, and not have the image of bashing someone’s bloody body on the floor repeatedly

Speaking of bashing someone, Satan made well on his promise of coming back. The demon thought that avoiding coming back to school would save them, but Satan is a genius, and has many associates that he can sweet talk to get what he wants. It didn’t take much to figure out where they went, and he made sure to get out all of his pent-up frustrations from that fateful day. He felt better when he came home, but he needed to take a shower before he went to see you...

Besides from that, he does appreciate the peace that you do bring him. You just have this aura around you that’s so calming to him, and he needs to steal you away more he realizes

Also you make better cat-themed desserts than the cafe and he can’t risk Beel eating them all again

Asmodeus

He’s shook, and not in the good way

He just had your hand in his, complaining about how you cuticles look so good and his is lacking and how guys have to go to the nail salon after class, and then your hand is jerked from his, your form at the bottom of the stairs

The blood staining your uniform is alarming, but he can’t worry about that now. He’s trying to keep you talking, but you’re already on the verge of passing out

“MC, you can’t sleep yet! We have plans to go to the nail salon remember? And I need you awake so we can talk about what matching color we’re getting! So what color should we get now, MC? MC? MC!”

He’s trying to keep himself from panicking, but he can’t help it! You’re suppose to be smiling and laughing with you, loving him, but you’re unconscious on the ground, and he’s scared

Quickly dials Lucifer and tells him the whole situation, and he’s surprised to find himself blinking back tears

The demon who did this is long gone by the time Lucifer and Diavolo come, but he remembers the face, and he has something exciting planned when he comes face to face with them

Obviously you have to go home, but Asmo is so distraught that he has to go home with you. But when you wake up, prepare to be tackled to the bed with him crying his eyes out. All you can do is try to comfort him and tell him that okay, giving him little kisses on his cheek

But now that the sadness is out of the way (all this crying and worrying is causing him stress wrinkles), it’s time for a makeover/stress relief!

Fashion shows, makeovers, painting nails, face masks, the whole nine yards. All in the comfort of his dazzling room!

It’ll make you both feel and look better, and honestly you two need that right now. It also gives him the opportunity to cover that unappealing bruise. Your beauty outshines it but it’ll be best to cover it up for your and his sake (mainly his)

Every time Asmo sees your bruise, he gets upset and he’s tired of being reminded of what happened. He knows that he’s only loved for his looks, his vanity, but you see more in him than that

You’re...you’re the first person that loves him for him entirely, not because of his features. And when he tells you that he loves you, he honestly means it. He would have never thought he would fall so deep for someone, let alone a human, but...he’s glad that it’s you. He’s happy that it’s you

Which is why he wants to keep you safe and injury-free. Plus, your skin is too pretty and doll-like to be roughed up!

You guys still go out of course, he just has a better eye on you now. This one incident isn’t going to hold him back for picking out new cute outfits for you!

And don’t think he forgot about that demon who caused all of this in the first place. He actually waited by their locker, and convinced them to come with him. But what should Asmo do with them? He could always have them steal Beel’s food, annoy Lucifer, say something horrible about Ruri-Chan, the possibilities are endless! As long as they don’t cause him to get dirty, of course

Or maybe they should do something so severe that they have no reason than to leave RAD forever, or even leave the Devildom forever, depending on how far he’s willing to take it. He’ll do anything if it means you’re safe and he gets to keep you all to himself

Beelzebub

He thought it was an accident at first, you get so excited about things that you stumble over your own feet sometimes, but he’s always there to catch you or pick you up

You keep saying that you’re okay as he’s holding onto you, and after he sits you up he’s confused because he smells blood. His heart is beating a little quicker, and you’re not talking anymore, and your head is drooping, and that’s when he sees the blood running down the side of your face

He’s starting to panic, and he’s so scared that if he tightens his hold against you he’ll just make things worse, that he’ll just hurt you more. But he needs to go find Lucifer, he needs to get you help, you’re feeling so light in his arms and it reminds him of the Celestial War when he witnessed his sister dying-

He hears someone snickering behind him, and that’s when he loses his temper

You’re a part of his family now, someone that he loves and cares for more than he can describe, and they did this to you? Someone who wouldn’t even squish a bug, someone who made him late night snacks without even asking, always there to give him hugs after his games no matter how sweaty, someone that put his family back together and they did this to you?

Lucifer and Mammon struggled to hold him back after they found the demon flung through the wall, laying under the rubble. Beel just kept growling, fangs bared and wings buzzing. He won’t stop trying to get out of their hold, and he keeps inching closer and closer to the demon, and it’s only a matter of time before he finishes what he started

You were already in the infirmary getting treated, and Beel isn’t calming down anytime soon so you were both escorted home

You woke up to Beel upset and pouting. He’s so worried about you that he couldn’t even eat. Beelzebub could not eat, that’s how you knew this was a something serious

Poor Beel was so terrified of hurting you himself that he failed to protect you from the people that do want to hurt you, or worse

But this won’t happen again, he swears, both to you and himself. Move over Mammon, Beel is officially your new bodyguard!

Wherever you go, Beel is right behind you, literally. He’s like your shadow, just bigger and a lot more...menacing. Also isn’t taking any chances with Mammon’s schemes, just carrying you away before he can even open his mouth about another get rich quick plan

Speaking of carrying, you are not allowed to walk down the stairs anymore. As soon as you step near some you find yourself in his arms like it’s nothing. Both at home and at school, it doesn’t matter to him

Also he’s very cautious to have you around people besides his brothers, and the exchange students (but he’s still hesitant about Solomon, anyone who can cook food like him is automatically getting the side eye)

Also you practically moved in with the twins, and it’s nothing compared to the sleepovers before. Belphie sleeps easier, Beel’s stomach is satisfied (eating your homemade sweets with you is better than everything combined at Hell’s Kitchen, and trust me he knows) he feels all warm inside, and you’re protected. Everyone’s happy!

Beel is a sweet guy, just don’t come in between his family or his food. After that whole incident with the demon, everyone has come to understand that, especially after seeing just how much damage he caused both to the demon and the school in so little time...

Belphegor

If he was sleepy before, he’s completely awake now

You’re holding the side of your head, and he can see the blood seeping through your fingers, groaning in pain. You keep trying to say that you’re okay, but your words are starting to slur and he’s getting nervous, he’s getting scared

It’s reminding him too much of his worst mistake, of what he did to you, when he murdered-

No. He doesn’t need to be thinking about that right now, especially when the person who did this is bragging about it while your body is slumped over. Right there, he knows what exactly needs to be done

Belphie was already in front of them before they even registered it, and didn’t give him any time to form an excuse. His claws were already at their throat, inching deeper and deeper the more they swallowed

“I should just slit your throat now, it’ll be easy and not a lot of work. But you deserve much worse than that. You’ll wish I did by the end of this.”

After a tap to the demon’s forehead, they just collapsed before him, unmoving. He didn’t even look down when he stepped over them (or rather stepped on them) to get to you. You’re passed out, but still breathing. You can’t stay here like this, and he refuses to tell Diavolo or Lucifer. He’ll figure something out, maybe Satan has some books in his room on what to do...

When you woke up, you found yourself wrapped in blankets and Belphie sleeping beside you, arms wrapped tight. You were confused, when did you get home? You remember walking with him down the stairs, but everything was blurry after that. What happen-

“You’re always thinking so hard MC, you’ll never be able to get good rest if you keep that up. But Satan did say to check on you every couple of hours, so I guess it’s fine. And quit touching your head!”

“Oh, sorry Belphie, I didn’t mean to-”

“Tch, how annoying...”

But he’s lying. Even as he’s carefully re-wrapping the bandages, he’s relieved that you’re awake, that your eyes are still full of life, not like the dullness that he saw that fateful night

When Lucifer finds you he is not happy with Belphie, but he doesn’t care and tells him that everything is already under control and that he isn’t needed. Belphie didn’t miss the scowl that he sent his way, but he just smirked in response. You didn’t need Lucifer as Belphie is already taking care of you, as it should be

You know how he always carries around his favorite pillow? Yeah he’s doing that with you basically, minus the carrying. You’re practically attached to his side, wherever he goes you’re either right there with him or in his room, which is mainly just you two lazing around or sleeping (as usual)

Honestly, the only demons who he’s okay with disturbing you two is Beel and maybe Satan. Beel because that’s his twin and it’s his room too, and Satan only if he’s checking on you medically or if he has some new ideas to mess with Lucifer. Everyone else is just trying to bother you and be annoying, and you don’t need that

Of course he blames himself for this! How is he suppose to keep you safe, to make up for his mistake? But then it clicks

It’s not the fact that he’s weak, people think that he’s weak. But he realizes that this is fine, he’ll use that to his advantage.

Diavolo is upset and Lucifer is running out of excuses for him, but Belphie just plays stupid and says he can’t remember how to remove it (even though he does). Let the demon lose some more sleep until they learn their lesson, whether it’s from the constant nightmares or from sleep deprivation trying to stay awake to avoid said nightmares. He’ll remove it when he feels like it, and he doesn’t see that happening anytime soon

Let people think the Avatar of Sloth is weak, that he’s not a threat, and he can show them exactly how wrong they are. Better yet, this demon can be the perfect example, and many more if they become a bother to you (and him)

You’re too nice MC, too delicate. You treat him so good, like he’s not a demon, like he’s not the monster who took your life, and he has to thank you for that somehow. He feels like whatever he does won’t be enough for the kindness you give him, but protecting you from others who used to be like him could be a good start

Also now he can hog all of your head pats and cuddles for himself, and he doesn’t feel bad at all. Everyone else had their time with you when he was locked up, so he’s finally got the opportunity to be selfish

Diavolo

First of all...this demon is dumb enough to harm you in front of him??? The Demon LORD???? The FUTURE KING OF HELL??!

They have more than just a death wish

It all happened so quick, he just crossed paths with you in the hallways and started to ask about your day (and maybe invite you for a small tea date after school) but he didn’t even get the chance to open his mouth

One second he saw your eyes light up and hand extended to excitedly wave, then he saw your fragile form tumbling down the stairs

Barbatos was soon called to his side as Diavolo saw the red coating his palms and you barely staying conscious, trying to say that you’re okay and not to worry

See...he feared that this would be a problem. While Diavolo is a very kind and understanding ruler, there are still some demons out there who think he’s too lenient, too soft. But that’s where people are mistaken. Diavolo is kind, but do not mistake his kindness for weakness

He felt his anger rising, his demeanor starting to crack, but he set aside his emotions. You’re his first priority, and he needs to make sure that you’re okay! He’s still a ruler, and you’re his responsibility (and first love)

However, he made sure that Barbatos took the demon who did this and kept them in the dungeon until he was done treating you. He won’t let this go unpunished, he can’t and he won’t

You’re an important part of the exchange program, and you’re most important to him, and he’s upset with himself that you got hurt. You’re so delicate, and you don’t deserve any of this happening to you, but what can he do? While he trusts the brothers to keep you safe, he wants to keep an eye on you personally, but how?

Then it struck him

You liked to stay in the castle, always smiling and having fun whenever you spent time with him there, so why not relocate you there?? It’ll be like an extended sleepover/retreat with just you two!! You guys can do all of your favorite activities and won’t have to worry about going home because you won’t have to leave!! Why didn’t he think of this sooner?!

The brothers are very upset with this incident, and even more so when he announced this. Diavolo decided that your condition needed to be monitored closely, and since he’s the person directly in charge of the exchange program AND the ruler over the Devildom, there was no room to argue. You weren’t going to stay in the castle forever, just until he deemed it right to return to the HoL

Which would be...some time soon, maybe. He’s not really worried about that now, his number 1 concern is you after all!

You’re getting the royal treatment, literally. This is the chance that he gets to pamper you without interruptions and he is not wasting it!

You kept trying to convince him that you’re fine, but he wasn’t hearing any of it, especially after he sees the nasty bruise that was left. “MC, please! You still need to rest. How about I have Barbatos bring us some tea to help, and we can even have the royal staff bring us some outfits of your choosing if you like? Oo, we can even have our portrait painted!”

“Dia, I promise that I’m fine, you have more things to worry about than me-”

“Nonsense, MC. You’re what’s important to me, now and always. Don’t ever forget that.”

Even finished it with a hand kiss, UGH he really is a Prince Charming

Once you did return to RAD bruise free, Diavolo, being the gentleman that he is, walked with you everywhere in the beginning. Coming into the building, walking to class, lunch, even to the student council meeting, he was by your side. But he couldn’t avoid his duties forever (unfortunately), but he always made up for lost time afterwards

You never realized that when he wasn’t with you, someone else always was. Whether it be Lucifer who miraculously had spare time, or Barbatos who decided to escort you back to the castle to try a new recipe for his Lord, it was always one of them that stayed with you

Also, it never dawned on you why people were starting to be so nice to you. You thought it was because of what happened, not paying attention to how tense they would get, the fear in their eyes. You did notice that the demon who caused your fall never came back to class, and their desk is starting to collect dust...

When you did ask Diavolo about it, he just pat your head and said that what happened was unacceptable and that the demon has been dealt with accordingly.

You don’t need to hear about what really happened to them, he doesn’t want to scare you or taint your innocence! But he doesn’t mind if anyone else hears it, he’ll be more than happy to explain in full detail what happened and what will happen to demons that even think about attempting to harm you or think that he’s “too soft”. They won’t think he’s a soft ruler after that

Diavolo is a very sweet man, one that treats you as if you’re ruling by his side as his partner and one that you never have to be scared of, but even you didn’t miss the deadly glint in his eyes whenever he spoke about that demon...

But enough about that, he wants to try that new recipe that you made just for him!

He enjoys the time that he gets to spend with you, and after this, you’ll be in his company a lot more. He can’t risk having this happen again to his love- I MEAN favorite exchange student right?

[cdroloisms]

haha your snippit abt the dispenser got me thinking.

Dream gets let out of prison and he talks constantly, whatever is on his mind. And he's positive all the time. To a fault where people walk over him. And it doesn't make sense because he was tortured right???? But after an incident they find out it's because he hates the sound of silence and needs constant reminders that other people are there. Also he was punished for any negative emotions in the prison so his default is happy now,,,

hi anon !! this concept makes me SO goddamn sad ,, the idea that he Has to be happy bc anything else would mean punishment im so *punches the walls*

this ,, ficlet is honestly. pretty ooc, not really related to the ask at all, and mostly an excuse for me to cry abt c!dream and c!punz for an excessive amount of time (technically the vote on twitter was supposed to have this as c!sapnap pov, but i just wrote one for him so i went for c!punz instead. mostly bc i wanted to write him LMAO). hopefully someone enjoys it despite *gestures vaguely* all of that mess

tw: trauma, disordered eating, implied torture/abuse, blood, injuries, unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional distress, thoughts of murder/mercy killing, mentioned animal death, dark content

In the end, it’s all rather anticlimactic, the complete opposite of Dream’s vault and the whole fiasco of adrenaline and theatrics that had made up that day. Quackity ended up having one too many drinks, bragged about the wrong thing to the wrong person - Punz doesn’t know the specifics, only knows that one thing has led to another and suddenly Sapnap was screaming at his ex-fiancé, sword pointed at his chest and tears streaming down his eyes in the middle of the Community House floor, everyone else stood around and watching. A look into Quackity’s office said everything he didn’t - the chests and chests of used and new tools, shiny and sharpened and completely rusted over with blood and everything in between. There’s been a balled up shirt in the wastebasket, completely unsalvageable from how saturated it was with blood, more red than white, and perhaps most chilling of all the calendar, marked with X after X in red pen, going back months and speaking to their utter failure to see what had been happening all but right in front of them.

With Quackity down, Sam caved not too long after, and with his input getting into the prison was no challenge at all. The only thing holding them back were bad memories and the tense, worried edge to Sam’s jaw as he led the small group of them - himself and Sapnap, actually entering the facility, Bad and Puffy waiting outside - carrying them through winding corridor after winding corridor and lava pit after lava pit, until they’d come to stand before a chasm filled with flowing lava, slowly draining before the main cell.

“I- I have to warn you,” Sam had muttered, uncharacteristically hesitant, “it looks…pretty bad,” and Punz would’ve questioned him further, but the lava had fallen far enough to reveal the topmost edge of the cell, so they let Sapnap hound the Warden for information as they directed their full attention on the cell itself and holy shit.

Nothing Sam said could’ve possibly have prepared them for the sight - it was a complete fucking bloodbath, crimson painting the walls and smeared over the floor and splattered over every visible surface like some abstract art experiment gone wrong. The stench of iron and burning flesh and viscera was awful, even over the gap marked by the still-draining lava. Punz strained his eyes; at the very back of the cell, huddled, unmoving, was a similarly bloodstained shape that must’ve been Dream. They remember the crack of Sapnap’s knuckles meeting Sam’s face and breaking his nose, remember themselves chucking a pearl and feeling along Dream’s neck desperately for a pulse - everything beyond that became a swirl of voices and panic and crying that makes their head hurt to think about, so they don’t.

Recovery is…messy. The physical side had been bad enough - pulling Dream out of the cell, barely breathing, limp in his arms and far too light, all Punz could think about was a sheep he’d found a year ago, frail and struggling to breathe, one he’d ended up killing - quick and painless - with a sword through the skull because it seemed kinder than letting it suffer. Watching Dream struggle on the bed, laid up in Bad’s mansion because none of them knew if he’d survive going any further, body resisting the potions they’d slowly forced down his throat after being so over-saturated on them, temperature spiking and heat baking into his skin like the lava from the prison had been imprinted onto his body, Punz feels the same strange mixture of pity and unease, wonders if it’d be a hell of a lot kinder if they just put him out of his fucking misery.

Still, because Dream is a stubborn bastard, against all odds, he ends up surviving - his fever breaks, the potions begin taking effect, and a few tireless, aching days later his eyes flutter open, lucid for the first time in a week. Punz isn’t even in the room when he wakes, only knows that it happens because the too-quiet room suddenly erupts in noise and activity, muffled thumps and sounds of a struggle undercutting Bad’s frantic calls for someone to help, anyone, and they run into the room to find Dream thrashing on the bed, wounds reopened and blood dripping onto the sheets, eyes wild and wide as his head whips from side to side so hard Punz is half-afraid that he’ll straight up break his neck. Somehow, worst of all, not a single scream falls from his lips, nothing but muffled whines squeezing past his mouth, clenched shut, and for a singular, awful second they wonder how long it took before he realized that screaming was useless.

Fortunately enough for them, or unfortunately, it’s not like he can tell the fucking difference anymore, the panic and strain end up with Dream passing out altogether, and they trade uneasy glances with Bad before going to clean off the worst of his wounds. If everything they’re doing feels hopeless, dressing up wounds that’ll be torn open hours later when Dream is awake enough to feel fear but not much else because he’s forgotten what it’s like to not be afraid - well, that’s for them to think and everyone else to pretend not to agree with.

Weeks pass along the same vein - Dream wakes up, panics; they try to calm him down, fails; he falls back into unconsciousness, and they move on and pretend that they’re cleaning up wounds from battle and not from someone that’s literally been tortured for months on end. People stop by, occasionally; Puffy spends more time than not inside the mansion, but hardly ever enters the door into Dream’s room, Sapnap and George drop by occasionally with potion brewing supplies that the rest of them can’t go out to get; once, he’d gone out to the front door to find a chest with an enchanted golden apple, sender nowhere in sight. He knows that the server is busy; Quackity’s admission had brought more than a few secrets to light, and from what they understand, the political fallout has been pretty damn messy. Still, he stays in the mansion, and watches.

He doesn’t exactly know why he stays. They’re not a stellar healer, not beyond what they know to dress their own wounds, and spend most of their time doing odd-and-ends tasks for Bad, who looks more tired than ever. Maybe it’s because he’s seen Dream at his worst more than the rest of them, had been there through his entire fall from grace, watched as his eyes became clouded with anger and madness and a single, desperate hope that he’d chased at the cost of his world and himself. Maybe it’s because they have no ties to the rest of the server - not to Las Nevadas, falling apart under the scrutiny of the eyes that now fall upon it, not Snowchester, caught up in the chaos, not the Badlands, half-dissolved after the fiasco of the Egg and with Sam’s actions having just come to light. Maybe it’s because above everything else, he feels guilty.

They’d thought the prison was the answer. It’d seemed too simple, back in that Vault - a perfect answer, because everyone else was perfectly happy to watch Dream die another time and some part of them had clenched painfully at the thought even thought they knew it was for the best. The prison meant that he’d be alive, if angry, and at some point when he had the time or the nerve or the guts he could go and visit, and they would talk, and Dream would be angry but with time maybe he could even understand.

They hadn’t wanted this. He can’t imagine anyone wanting this.

“Punz?” They don’t jump at the voice at their back, they don’t, but Bad still has a tiny, tight-lipped smile when they turn around anyway, eyes creased in the corners and still not as bright as they’d been before the Egg. Bad looks at him knowingly, setting a bowl of soup into his hands. “For Dream, if you can get him to eat.” He shifts a pointed gaze towards the door. “Maybe you two could talk.”

“About what?” The words come out harsher than they intend, and they take a moment to bite back the mostly self-directed anger that Bad doesn’t deserve to receive the brunt of. “I just-” he waves his hand in the air, trying to articulate the mess that is his relationship with Dream without the words to explain it. “I don’t know, man.”

“You don’t have to talk about everything,” Bad says, calm as always, eyes flicking down to the bowl of soup in his hands. “Just start with the soup.”

Punz sighs. “I’ll try.”

He enters the room in a single, fluid motion, mostly because he knows that if he were to stop at the door then he’d never actually make his way in. Dream flinches back when they enter, eyes going wide and stance going rigid, and the familiarity doesn’t make the sight any easier to bear as they wait, as always, for Dream’s eyes to clear enough for him to realize he’s in the mansion and not stuck in that same obsidian hellhole.

“I brought soup,” they say, finally, when Dream looks up. Dream’s lips twitch up in what he probably means as a smile; between the still-healing gashes on his face and the fear that flashes over his expression, still, it comes out as more of a grimace.

“Thanks.” Dream looks away. “I’ll eat it later.”

Liar, Punz thinks tiredly, moving closer to set the bowl down on the nightstand by the bed. They frown as Dream’s expression goes slack and distanced, again, eyes fixed to stare blankly at the wall once again.

“You should have some now,” he tries, careful to keep his words even. “You need the calories.”

“I’m good,” Dream says, automatic, just shy of sincere. “Thank you.”

“Dream,” they don’t quite succeed at keeping a displeased sigh from falling from their lungs, and bite back a curse at themselves when Dream pulls back with a silent flinch. It’s so goddamn hard, to talk to this version of Dream, both of them feeling around the edges of their relationship like walking on goddamn eggshells. A few months ago, he would’ve straight up called Dream out on his bullshit, get it through his thick skull that the whole ‘I’m fine and don’t need anyone’ act was stupid and completely failing to convince him. Here, they bite back another sigh, look forlornly at the bowl of the soup on the nightstand, sure to go uneaten once again, and force themselves to sound completely neutral when they speak again. “Alright. You’ll have to eat at some point, though.”

“Mmhm,” Dream hums noncommittally, once again staring at the wall. Punz stares at his hands. This is so fucking pointless.

“So,” they say after a few seconds, Bad’s words echoing in their head - they can try to make an effort to talk, sure. It’s just that Dream’s not going to cooperate. “How are you, man?”

The words come out stilted, awkward. He looks up to watch Dream’s expression, as the other man begins to gnaw on the inside of his cheek.

“I’m good,” he says, words deliberately light. “You?”

“Dream…”

“I’m fine.” Dream’s voice sharpens suddenly, breath hitching, before he shakes his head and turns his head away. “I’m fine.”

Punz looks at him incredulously. “Are you serious? Do we need to get into exactly how not-fine you are?” They wave a hand in his direction, jaw clenching when he rears back. “Do ‘fine’ people lose their minds from someone waving at them, now?”

“I-” For a second, Dream glares at him, eyes burning with a familiar, irritated fire that Punz knows all-too-well from having it directed at him a few too many times, before it suddenly dies and Dream is swinging his head back to the bedsheets, hands tightening on the cloth as he stammers. “I- What do you want?”

Punz breathes a soft sigh, regret blooming in the center of their chest. “Sorry,” he mumbles, careful to keep their gestures overly-telegraphed and away from the other man’s face. “I’m just- you’re not okay, man. No one’s expecting you to be okay after...all of that.”

“But why?”

Dream’s voice is small, nearly a sob, and Punz directs wide, alarmed eyes to where he’s hunched in over himself, knees pulled to his chest, hands staring at the sheets pulled over them. “Why?” he says, again, quieter, lip trembling slightly.

“Because you were tortured,” Punz begins, words slow as they watch Dream’s expression, trying to pull out the thoughts behind his averted eyes, “Because the cell was inhumane, and nobody deserves to be treated like that. Because you were hurt very, very badly because of what we did, and none of us are expecting you to be fine right after going through months of trauma.” He pauses. “You know that, right?”

“But I’m out,” Dream says, quiet, disbelieving, instead of answering their question. “I’m out of there. It’s over. It’s- everything’s good,” he whispers, more to himself than to them, hands curling into fists and then uncurling. “I’m- they said I would never get out. And I’m outside, and it’s not- not the cell, and I get real food, and Quackity doesn’t visit anymore,” he shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut as his breath catches in his throat. “I’m happy- I should be happy. Right?”

“Oh Dream,” the other man flinches back, breath quickening, and Punz’s hand stops short from where he’d almost let it fall onto the other’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be happy, man. Not- not after all of that. Not if you’re not ready yet.” Dream’s eyes, wide and wet, rise to look at their own, and they feel more than hear the soft, wounded noise that leaves their lips. “It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to be scared. No one’s blaming you, alright? No one’s gonna hurt you anymore.”

This, more than anything, seems to be the breaking point, because Dream collapses forward, hands flying up to pull at his tangled hair before Punz manages to ease them away and into his own hands, watching as he grips onto them until his knuckles go white. His breathing shudders, quiet, even his sobs muffled as to make as little noise as possible, and they murmur meaningless croons and hums as he cries into their chest.

“I wanna- I wanna be okay,” he hiccups, and Punz smooths his hair back behind their hand.

“I know,” he swallows around the lump that has risen in his own throat. “I’m sorry.”

[nevertheless-moving]

Pop Star Wars AU: Waking

Drabble set in this au which I wrote way back a few weeks ago.

Back then, I had only recently decided to look up my tumblr password for a third attempt at being an appreciative fandom community member instead of just trying to think really hard at internet strangers, and maybe shout into the void a little. (But there’s like, several people here now??? How did you even find me on the internet? )

Anyway I have since learned how to spell Anakin’s name and insert links. Also that if you resize your window while typing directly into tumblr everything disappears.

Self Indulgent Crack Pop Star Wars Time Travel Fixit (star wars au no 3):

After several years of exile in the Jundland Wastes, Ben Kenobi had not quite finished mentally unpacking the decades of mistakes, grief, and failure that had led him to the desert. It was the work of a lifetime, and some days were harder than others. But after several forays in and out of alcoholism, spice addiction, and every other form of geographically-accessible self-destruction, he could at least say that some days were easier. 

The process was no doubt made more difficult by the abject solitude. Unlike the chaotic years that constituted the fall of the Republic, he had all too much time to think, and no one around to share his thoughts with. He closed his eyes in the dark of his hut, thoughts drifting between past and future. 

The past was as ugly and lovely as ever. The larger future didn’t look much better, but he could find some joy in the thought of tomorrow and fresh bantha milk when the herd roamed near. Owen was always much less begrudging of his presence when he came with an offering, and Beru would likely invite him to stay for noon meal where he would share in fresh cheese as Luke rambled about his plans to fix-up a junked speeder bike.

The thought of Luke’s happiness at the treat allowed him enough peace of mind to meditate more deeply.

He carefully broke off a piece of unfair-bitterness from his larger loving-grief. The bitterness he released into the force. The grief he turned over and soothed until its edges dissolved. He accepted it, now smoother if not smaller, laying it to rest alongside his hard-earned wisdom and unfinished poetry.

Tired, but fractionally lighter, Ben Kenobi drifted to sleep.

He opened his eyes to the first rays of daylight peeking in his temple chambers.

The room was intimately familiar. For a few years they were Ashoka’s, on the rare occasion she found herself temple-side and in want of privacy but not complete solitude. For a solid decade before her, the chambers were Anakin’s, though he was quick enough to accept the common room couch when Ashoka entered their life. And before that...they were his. That was his model rocket on the shelf, and his astronomical mobile hanging from the ceiling, and his robes scattered on the floor, though they hadn’t been arranged as such in this room since his apprenticeship with Qui-Gon. He sat up. 

Glad he had put energy into meditation last night, he used the lingering clarity of mind to try and work through possible explanations. 

Vivid Dream? No a quick pinch to his inner elbow debunked that, as well as the fact that the morning taste in his mouth was more the minty tang of denti-cleaner, rather than the saltiness of dried meat which he had grown accustomed to.

Hallucinogenic mushroom flashback? Possible, though it still wouldn’t explain the detail of physical sensations he felt, running his hand from the temple-spun linens on his bed to the warm-carved wood of his bedside table. He stood and did a perfect forward flip in place. Shockingly his knees didn’t ache at impact, but a drug induced hallucination of this intensity would have some sort of impact on his equilibrium, and he felt perfectly balanced, at least physically.

Force vision seemed most likely. Sinking into cross-legged meditation, he gradually lowered his mental shields. There was no whisper of Vader or Palpatine anywhere near Hutt space at this time, so the risk of reaching out was both manageable and necessary. Rather than the pure energy he personally associated with intense visions, he felt gradients of light, echoing ripples of emotions, and the unique solidity of force-imbued stone walls.

Heart beginning to race as reality set in, Ben concluded that he was, indeed, in the Jedi temple on Courascant. Even if he had suffered a complete psychotic break, his force sense couldn’t lie with such crystal clear detail. Confused unreality mixed with images of the past and future, sure. But this was the temple. It just was. 

He couldn’t make sense of it. Even if he had somehow been found, drugged, and transported to the heart of the empire, the rooms as he sensed them didn’t exist anymore. The contents were lost or burnt, the stone walls destroyed and rebuilt into a wing of the Imperial Palace.

Obi-Wan sank deeper into the force and reached out further, searching for he answers. In general, the force felt light, the shroud of the darkside was a hazy irritation in the distance, not a smothering blanket. The manifold wounds in the force formed by senseless war and destruction were absent. Also gone were the tang of grief and loss that he had begun to associate with the temple’s signature even before- even before the purge.

The temple was also full to the brim with tens of thousands of lights in the living force. He reached out to them incredulously, nudging many just to feel a living, sentient response. The last time he remembered feeling so many Jedi all in the temple at the same time was...well, when he still lived in this room. The nearest living force sensitive presence was achingly familiar, though notably and unquestioningly living. He could feel the presence moving nearer and retreated, pulling himself fully back into his body.

The only explanation that fit was that he had suddenly, miraculously, inexplicably traveled back in time. 

He half ran to his closet, opening the door with a yank to reveal a full length mirror. A once-familiar, 25-year old padawan stared back with visible shock. Of course his knees didn’t hurt, this body hadn’t yet been broken and abused by knighthood, war, and Tatooine. His hands examined the smooth chin, the unwrinkled forehead, and even the terrible, terrible haircut.

Obi-wan startled at a knock at his door, freezing in place. 

“Padawan?” Came Qui-Gon Jinn’s voice softly, “I don’t intend to pull you out of meditation prematurely, but is there a particular reason you were sprawling over the temple this morning? You startled me somewhat. To be perfectly honest, I think you might have alarmed a few people around the temple, I’ve already received messages from council telling me to reign in my padawan before he hurts himself.” 

Qui-Gon sounded more amused than reprimanding, and he paused, clearly waiting for an answer. 

Obi-Wan’s jaw locked up. What could he say? How could he even to begin to explain what had happened? He sank to floor, head pressed to the ground and tears silent streaming down his face. All he could do was offer to the force were words, the feelings could come later Thank you. Thank youThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU. 

For whatever reason, the force had granted him a second chance. Regardless if it was intended as punishment, gift, or inexplicable chance, he would build a better future than the one he left behind. 

“Padawan?” Qui-Gon knocked again, sounding concerned, “Are you alright? If you don’t answer I’m going to have to come in there.”

And all at once he had flipped back to not enough time to think and too many people needing his attention.

Obi-Wan managed to open his mouth to call out some meaningless assurance, intent on gaining more time to process the fantastical situation. Much to his surprise, what came out was a strangled, keening sob. Qui-Gon burst through the door. 

Obi-Wan realized, with a little embarrassment, that he was curled up practically into a ball on the floor, tears streaming in a shocking waste of water. It was probably not the most dignified, nor the most reassuring position for Qui-Gon to walk in on. 

Qui-Gon rushed to his side, pulling him up by the shoulders to frantically look him over. “What happened?” he demanded, “Are you hurt? Did something go wrong while you were meditating and you were trying to reach out for help?”

Obi-Wan smiled at the barrage of questions. He had almost forgotten that on the rare occasions when Qui-Gon’s perfect Jedi serenity broke, he became somewhat counterproductively intense. 

“I’m alright, Master,” he tried to say, but what came out was more of a croaking, “MNNrlerR.” 

This predictably, only increased Qui-Gon’s concern.

To Obi-Wan’s deep consternation, he was dragged by Qui-Gon to the healer’s wing. He remained quiet during the examination, not wanting to risk whatever was compromising his ability to speak. It could be readjusting to his younger body, or a manifestation of the admittedly great emotional shock he was still experiancing. Or simple lack of practice- it had been several weeks since he had last heard the sound of his own voice, from a certain point of view.

After finding no physical cause for concern, Master Vyr asked Qui-Gon to wait outside.

“Padawan Kenobi?” The Tortugan healer asked gently. “Your Master seems quite insistent that something is wrong. Would you like to discuss what the problem seems to be?”

Obi-Wan cleared his throat and was relieved when his voice came out smooth and under his control, “I’m alight, Master. I apologize for disruption. I experienced a... particularly strong vision when I woke up this morning, and temporarily lost control over myself. I’m already feeling more stable. I believe I simply need to meditate on what I’ve seen. My master unfortunately came in while I was dealing with some of the emotional aftermath.

“I see,” Vyr responded. “Did you experience this vision before or after your expansive foray into the force? I understand a surprising swath of the temple felt your presence press against them this morning.”

“I reached out after,” Obi-Wan admitted. “My vision was...particularly dark. I felt the need to ground myself with the presence of other Jedi. I’ll make certain to apologize to anyone I may have startled.”

Eventually he was cleared with the strict instruction to stick with shallow meditation for the next few days as well as a strong recommendation to seek out Master Yoda, Sifo-Dryfas, or one of the other Master known to experience visions. 

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan walked back to their quarters together in a peaceful quiet. It wasn’t until the door clicked behind them that Qui-Gon rounded on his padawan.

“What vision could possibly have left you in such distress?”

Obi-Wan walked to the kitchenette to make tea, stalling before answering. “You have always told me to stay focused on the present, Master”

Qui-Gon frowned. “Yes, however this...vision seems to have altered you somehow. You are grieved by it.”

“Yes. But what I grieve may never come to pass.” 

It won’t come to pass. I might not know his every tool, but I do know Sideous’s biggest secret, and I WILL stop him.

“Will you not tell me what you saw?” Qui-Gon asked, sounding somewhat hurt.

Obi-Wan poured the hot water carefully, feeling torn. If he told Qui-Gon everything... would he believe him? Perhaps, eventually but...what would become of Anakin, still just a boy? And the moment he knew of Palpatine’s evil...he knew Qui-Gon. He would favor the direct approach, underestimating the sheer breadth of the trap the sith had laid (Obi-Wan himself lived through it and only began to understand long after it had closed).

“I saw...a great shadow fall over the republic.”

He sat at the table, relishing in the simple pleasure of pouring a cup for Qui-Gon and himself from a shared pot.

Qui-Gon cradled his mug in his hands. “I see. Nothing specific?”

“Your death. At the hands of a tool of darkness. You ran ahead...” Obi-Wan took a scorching sip to stop himself. “It was foolish. Unnecessary. And I was forced to fight alone without you.

Qui-Gon set the tea down to stroke his beard in thought. “Well. I have no great desire to die. While I make no promises, I will endeavor to avoid leaving you behind ‘unnecessarily.’”

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan replied, over sincere. 

They drank in peaceful silence. It was interrupted by a shrill noise from Qui-Gon’s comm.

“I’ve just received a personal request from the Chancellor to immediately assist in negotiations with a Trade Federation blockade around Naboo. Are you feeling up to it?”

“You know, I think I am”

[kurowrites]

Five Times Lan Zhan (Kind Of) Proposed to Wei Ying

Find the earlier posts here. 

---

V: The Fifth Time (Or, A Complete Failure)

“Ooookay,” Wei Ying said, nonplussed, when Lan Zhan suddenly appeared in front of him and proceeded to curl up in Wei Ying’s lap determinedly.

Wei Ying naturally opened his arms and held onto Lan Zhan so that he wouldn’t fall off the sofa, but he was also a multitasker, so he could glare at the people surrounding him at the same time.

“So, who got Lan Zhan drunk this time?” he asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Wen Ning shifted nervously, but Wen Ning shifted nervously all the time, so that didn’t count. Wei Ying ignored him.

Mianmian, on the other hand, simply shrugged when Wei Ying trained his gaze on her.

“I think he confused the jello shots with dessert,” she said, far too nonchalantly for Wei Ying’s tastes.

“And you let him eat them?” he cried.

Mianmian rolled her eyes.

“I wasn’t watching what he was doing at all times. I’m not his custodian. That’s your job, really.”

“Oooh my god, Mianmian,” Wei Ying sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “I think I’m pretty close to getting murdered by Lan Huan in a dark alleyway or something. This can’t keep happening.”

“Maybe it would help if you had an actual conversation with your boytoy,” Mianmian suggested, looking like she didn’t really care either way. “I’ve got to say, things are getting pretty ridiculous by now. I saw what happened during Wen Qing’s birthday.”

“Excuse me?” Wei Ying cried. “Lan Zhan is not a boytoy!”

He ignored the part about Wen Qing’s birthday, because nothing had happened during Wen Qing’s birthday. No one had been there when Lan Zhan had promised him to get him a better bow than the one he’d already given him, so no one knew about that one. And know one knew that Wei Ying had kept that bow, even thought it had been a pain to get off.

Mianmian rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Boyfriend, husband, loverboy. Tell him to check in with you before he eats or drinks anything at parties.”

“He’s not a child, you know,” Wei Ying insisted, pouting. “He can take care of himself.”

Mianmian sent a distinctly judgemental look towards Lan Zhan, who was firmly snuggled into Wei Ying’s lap.

“I can see that.”

“Naysayers everywhere!” Wei Ying complained loudly and insistently, but if he were honest, he had already given up. Lan Zhan was clearly done for the night, and Wei Ying couldn’t keep sitting with him draped over his lap indefinitely.

He gently wriggled his legs to see what kind of reaction would come from Lan Zhan.

The response was a noise not unlike one a grouchy old cat would make. Clearly the noise of someone who didn’t want to be moved.

“Come on, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, trying to sound encouraging. “I’m going to take you home, you���ll feel much better then. Your bed is missing you.”

Lan Zhan made another noise that communicated his displeasure, but he partly removed himself from Wei Ying’s lap and blinked up at Wei Ying with tired eyes.

“Aw, those shots did a number on you, huh,” Wei Ying cooed. “C’mon, let’s get you home before you fall asleep here. That sofa is too dirty for you to sleep on.”

Wei Ying managed to get Lan Zhan to get off him and the sofa, and Lan Zhan ended up following him out of the room with only little encouragement. To make his point, Wei Ying made sure to stick his tongue out at Mianmian as a parting shot.

“Go take care of your loverboy!” Mianmian shouted after him, but it was hardly audible through the music of the party, so Wei Ying elected to ignore it.

He breathed a sigh of relief once they were out the door and on their way to Lan Zhan’s dorm.

“Hey, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, taking hold of Lan Zhan’s arm to steer him into the right direction. “I think you need to be a little more careful. Getting drunk at these parties is certainly not doing you any favours.”

In all honestly, Wei Ying didn’t believe that Lan Zhan was enjoying these parties very much. He didn’t enjoy noise, he didn’t enjoy the chaos and the crush of unfamiliar people, and on top of that he would wake up with a hangover and no memory every time. Lan Zhan had told him once that he went to these parties because Wei Ying was there, but that alone couldn’t make up for the fact that Lan Zhan didn’t enjoy a single bit of the evening.

In addition, Wei Ying would stay over at Lan Zhan’s every time Lan Zhan got drunk, and Lan Zhan would feel obliged to provide Wei Ying with breakfast after staying over because he was a good host.

Wei Ying did generally enjoy the breakfasts (there was absolutely nothing to complain about the combination of Lan Zhan and tasty food), but delicious food was not a good enough reason to keep this thing going. Not when it came with Lan Zhan getting drunk. Wei Ying needed to put an end to it, he knew that. Especially before Lan Huan got involved.

“Okay,” Wei Ying said to himself as he steered Lan Zhan through the door of his room and to his bed. “This is the last time I’m doing this. No more getting drunk at parties from now on, Lan Zhan. Your wild days are over.”

He poured Lan Zhan onto the bed, and Lan Zhan looked up at him with tired eyes and a distinct pout on his lips.

“Hey little bunny,” Wei Ying said with a teasing smile, and poked his cute little nose. (He had to take his chances when they presented themselves. Poking a fully conscious Lan Zhan was unfathomable.) “What do you have to be pouty about?”

“I am a burden to Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said morosely.

“Aw, noooo,” Wei Ying cooed, poking Lan Zhan again, this time in his cheek. “I’m just worrying because it’s not like you to get drunk so often. And as funny as it is to see you get all drunk and snuggly, I think I prefer sober Lan Zhan.”

Drunk Lan Zhan didn’t seem to be satisfied with that answer, his pout still prominent on his face.

“Sleep,” Wei Ying cajoled him. “And then tomorrow, as much as I don’t want to, we can talk about it once you’re actually sober.”

Lan Zhan tried to sit up, probably to protest, but Wei Ying had already put the cover over him and tucked him in, so he only ended up wriggling a little.

“I wanted to give Wei Ying a present,” he pouted (again).

“It’s not my birthday, I don’t need any presents,” Wei Ying assured him. “Also, you already gave me a present. The bow, you remember? I still have it. But if you really want to give me a present, you can give it to me tomorrow, okay?”

He was pretty sure that Lan Zhan would have forgotten all about any presents by tomorrow anyway, so it was a safe promise to make.

“Hn,” Lan Zhan agreed, and finally settled into his blankets.

“So obedient!” Wei Ying exclaimed, laughing. “Night night, Lan Zhan.”

“Good night, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan murmured. “Will show you tomorrow.”

Wei Ying smiled down at Lan Zhan, and watched him fall asleep.

How many repetitions of the same scene did this make now? Wei Ying bringing Lan Zhan to bed and watching over him as he fell asleep?

At least this time, Lan Zhan hadn’t suggested he was planning to marry Wei Ying in order to get frisky with him. What would it need anyway for Lan Zhan to get frisky with anyone? It was difficult to imagine something like that. Lan Zhan was always so stoic, it was hard imagining him madly in love with anyone.  

Wei Ying sat on the edge of the bed for a while, watching over Lan Zhan until he was sure that Lan Zhan was asleep. Then he snatched Lan Zhan’s little plush rabbit off the nightstand.

Wei Ying had given it to him as a joke, because it had reminded him of Lan Zhan for some reason, but Lan Zhan, far from throwing it away, seemed to treasure the little toy.

“Ah, little rabbit,” he sighed, squeezing the plushie gently. “What are we going to do about Lan Zhan? Your master is a bit of a wild child recently.”

The plush rabbit, predictably, only looked back at him with solemn black eyes.

“I’m a little worried about him,” Wei Ying confessed. “He seems to have a lot on his mind right now. And I’m just one lowly Wei Ying, I don’t really know what to do with him.”

Again, the plush rabbit was silent.

“I mean, he barely acknowledges that we’re friends, so I guess it’s not really my place to meddle.”

He laughed to himself.

“But Lan Zhan is so fun to meddle with, so I can’t help it.”

Wei Ying put the plush toy back and made himself a nest on the overly comfy light blue sofa in Lan Zhan’s dorm room (Lan Zhan had the money for a sofa in a dorm room, damn him). Before he wrapped himself in the blanket and fell asleep, he thought about Mianmian and the others who must still be at the party, but he felt zero impulse to return there. He could always go to another party, after all. And he was determined to talk to Lan Zhan tomorrow morning, as much as he didn’t want to have this discussion at all.

[mxvladdy]

Hi, I love your writings 💜 and wanted to suggest a prompt, but if it won't hit you or if your requests are closed than feel free to ignore.

What if MC will forget the brother and that they are in relationship (it can be as side effect of some spell /potion etc, but it will last for quite some time, no one knows how long). How brothers will react on that? What they will do to make MC fall in love again, or will they do anything at all? Or they decide that it's the chance to change everything? What if MC won't love them again? I don't know if that can be angsty (I want some angst), or you can do whatever style you find appropriate. Anyway, if you don't feel like doing for 7 brothers you can do only for brothers of your choice (who you feel comfortable to write about, but maybe Lucifer, Mammon and Beel?? ).

Thank you! And have a good day or night!

A/N: 80000 years and a day later I post lol ;.;. Sorry for the wait! I tried something new with this, hope you like :)

So I was going to drop all three at the same time but it turned into 20+ pages of work. So I will post in 3 separate parts since they all turned into beefy boys... Much like their counterparts >:)

Hope you like it!!!

Part One of Three: Lucifer

Magic is a beautiful and powerful thing. It permeates the Devildom like an eternal fog. For the residents, it is as common as breathing. From the strongest of their kind down to the lowest inhabitants, it is integral to their culture and daily life. Mistakes and accidents happen daily with young and old alike learning or experimenting. Magical rebounds and mishaps mean very little to them, especially the brothers. From the Celestial Realms down, they have seen it all.

Sometimes they forget that to you, magic can be a volatile and dangerous.

The crackle of energy and the acrid taste of sour magic on his tongue are his only warnings before things went south. He reaches for you, strong arms moving to shield you from the blowback of energy discharging around you both. Lucifer crouches, turning his back to the explosion to cover you from the debris and dust raining down. The rebound of the failed spell washes over him for a moment turning his stomach on impact. A heavy miasma coats the room. It weighs down his wings momentarily before disappearing as quickly as it had come.

Once the dust settles, the room fills with light-hearted teasing and jabs at the inept caster. Whatever chastising remark he had stuck to his tongue. When he looks down at you the air seizes his lungs in horror. You were heavy and unresponsive in his arms, eyes closed and face slack. Physically, he could see nothing wrong with you, no hair unkempt or dust on your uniform. He shakes you trying in vain to rouse you.

He doesn’t remember fleeing the room with you clutched tight to his chest nor the shouts of his confused brothers all he could focus on was your limp body cradled in his. You weren’t waking up. None of his magic was working, and you were still sleeping. It was like looking down at his brothers all over again. The feeling of dread, of helplessness, had him staggering. You were like his little Lilith all over again, another failure in his unending life span.

The healer's answers do nothing but anger him. Diavolo’s weak speculations drive him into a frenzy. Wait, they want him to wait. For how long was anyone's guess. They say that you just need rest, the human body is unaccustomed to such stresses. That though your body is weak, a human’s spirit is strong. You’ll recover-he had to trust that you would heal on your own. Trust… he had so little of that left to begin with, but he had he gave to you.

He couldn’t lose you. Couldn’t lose this small flicker of hope you brought into his life, of happiness. He didn’t want to be alone again.

So he waits, a permanent sentinel by your bedside. He sits in silence stuck with his sins. His rough hewn palms cover your small hand to warm your cooling finger tips. He strokes them with callused fingers. He contemplates all the little things he could have done differently while he waits. Hells, what he should have done differently. Spells at the best of times were unruly and dangerous and in the hands of a novice? He shakes his head squeezing your hand. He was so stupid to have let you take that course. Why hadn’t he told that weak pissant of a demon off for trying such an incantation? Or at least to take it outside. Was he that bad of a protector? Of a lover? Deep down he wants to be angry at you. That this somehow was all your fault, with your puny human constitution and defenses. He wants to blame you but the moment passes with a gut-twisting sense of guilt and almost shame.

The days move on unceasingly, the clock on your wall mocking him with every steady tick and turn of the hand. With each moon that passes his simmering anger and wounded pride cools to an ice cold fear in his veins. The healers stopped showing up daily, they were at a loss like the rest of them.

No one would say it, least of all around him, but he heard it travel down the halls like an unwelcome guest. The whispered sympathy, the soft admissions of acceptance. He blocks them out, his world narrowing down to nothing but your icy hand and weak pulse. Your room begins to turn into his. His paperwork fills your desk, while he holds meeting over the phone. One hand clutching his phone to his ear and his other always touching you. No one but him is going to take care of you. He refuses help, turning down Diavolo’s increasing offers and pleas of support.

He turns them down each and every time. He will take care of you.

Yet, no matter how much he tends to you and researches you remain inert.

It’s maddening, he was suffocating under the weight. Finally he tips. One night drunk and desperate in his destroyed room he does the last thing he could think of.

The hardwood of his bedroom is unforgiving under his knees. The cold of it soaks through his pants and the harsh grain digs into his skin. But he doesn’t care, he wasn’t looking for absolution anymore, he was begging for your salvation.

It burns him bowing like this. His pride lashes out, roaring like the untamed beast it was as he dives deep searching within himself to find the tattered remains of his former self. Each second with his eyes closed and head bent was tortuous as his pleas fill the oppressive silence of the room. No matter the discomfort of the moment he can only think of you. No cost was too steep to have you open your eyes again.

Lucifer should have known going back to his father would be a mistake. Nothing was ever simple with them, everything was by their rules and their way. Not even being the once most favored son could fix that. Your eyes open, sure. They are hazy with confusion, but also bright and full of life. You were back.

Papers forgotten Lucifer approaches you like he would a wounded animal. He stares in disbelief for a moment before succumbing to his need to hold you. “Amata-” He breathes out in relief into your neck squeezing you closer to him. Lucifer pulls away when he notices you not embracing him back. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. You just took me by surprise is all.” You rub your eyes and smile wearily. “What did I do to deserve such a good morning hug?”

His smile fades, hearts sinking. “Do you not remember?”

“Remember?” Hmmm. You look around you at the clutter of your room. “I- remember being in class, then you over me.” Something must have happened, but for the life of you, you couldn’t recall. He fills you in leaving small blanks hoping to see some recognition in your bewitching eyes. But you sit, nodding along taking his word as gospel truth. “Wow.” You lean back on your pillows. To be asleep for so long, you had so much work to catch up on. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

There was an odd look in his eyes before he nods, rising to his feet. “Of course… for you, anything.” He flees then, choking back a sea of emotions to go fetch a healer to look you over. It was as he expected. You were whole and healthy again, back to your old wonderful self. Except for him. Did you truly remember none of him? Have you really forgotten how he held you at night when you were able to tear him from his works.

How could you forget the words he would whisper to you as you drifted off long after the candles had been snuffled out, the sweat had cooled on your skin, and your limbs loose and tangled with his? Would you ever remember the way he would watch you at school? How he would search for you and watch you with vigilante and hungry eyes. You were not his little lamb anymore. Even after everything he had lost you.

It was what he bargained for with his father it seemed.

He calls a meeting soon after informing his brothers and the Prince of your condition without telling them of his speculations as to why. “We will say nothing.” He speaks standing rigidly while the room erupts with confusion around him.

“Why not tell them?” Beelzebub asked brows drawn low in concern.

“And say what?” Lucifer rubs at his nose pinching the bridge tightly already feeling a dull throbbing growing underneath. “What would it change?” He leaves it at that and retreats to his room. He looks at his dusty chambers and broken furniture from his explosive temper. It is so cold again without you there. This is how it must be. The thought brings a broken whine from his lips. Tt soaks through his leather gloved hand, refusing to be shoved down. He didn’t want to believe he was so forgettable, that something as intimate as his trust and love was so weak in your soul. He had thought surely he had ingrained himself deeper than that. You were in his mind.

He turns to his private libraries that night, looking for any scrap of information he could find. Perhaps the threads of him were there within you, maybe they just needed to be mended. He often forgot how malleable the human mind was, how easily things can just slip from them. Each book on the topic started promisingly enough before piddling off to a dead-end or debunked hypothesis.

He hunts down the student that had fired the spell. If he knew the original purpose of the spell maybe he could recreate the reaction? No, yet another dead end.

He comes to realize one night sitting hunched over on the grimy floor that either your mixed blood had altered the spell's intentions or the fact that since you were not in your original timeline it had changed something deeper within you that none of them had taken into consideration. Or, perhaps-just maybe he truly did make a deal with Father.

Devil below, he hoped that wasn’t true. How ironic it would be that the first time they had heard his pleas to only answer it with more pain and punishment. Either way, he must accept this...eventually.

“You know, if you keep frowning like that it’ll leave permit winkles.” Lucifer ignores his brother, not glancing up from his journals to entertain him. He had recently found more old tomes deep in his studies. “Luci.” Multi-colored nails block his view of his documents.

“Move Asmodeus. I will not ask again.”

Asmo frowns but moves his hand back to his hip. “You need to breathe brother. Take a minute for yourself.” Lucifer snorts dismissively, flipping to the next page. Asmo sighs deeply, his old bones rattling with the heavy gust of air. “You know you won’t find anything in there. We’ve all tried, you know? Read up on fruitless leads and scoured the depths of the catacombs too. Satan’s hands are a mess from rummaging through his books.” He swallows thickly. “Perhaps it is time.”

“Time for what?” Lucifer rises to his impressive height towering over his smaller brethren. “I do not like what you are implying Sakhr.” Asmo flinches, he hates that damn name. He calms the simmering rage underneath his well kept skin. Lucifer was hurting, he lashes out blindly when he is. He always suffers alone.

“I’m not implying anything. We just want-” Lucifer laughs, the hollow sound pulls at the emptiness within Lust’s heart.

“What would you know of my wants?” His ruby eyes lock with Asmo’s. It was a mistake. Lucifer’s presence was imposing at the best of times, but as mad as he was now it was a knee jerk reaction from Asmo to put his guard up. It was a strong defensive mechanism that Asmo took special care not to let slip, but as Lucifer approaches him shoulder hunching and chest puffing up in anger. It took only a moment for his defenses to take over, eyes locking Lucifer saw exactly what he wanted reflected back at him.

He didn’t know what Lucifer saw but he could see the absolute agony etching into his older brother's glassy eyes with each second. Asmo steps back breaking eye contact with a gasp, the trance between them breaking. “I-I’m sorry!” He trembles.

Lucifer says nothing but raises a shaking finger while he collects himself. Finally, he looks up, face impassive once more. He shakes his head and points to the two chairs in front of his desk. A wordless order that Asmo takes. Asmodeus watches Lucifer busy himself with a decanter, broad back turned to him. “You meant no harm,” Lucifer says, voice tight. He turns back with two glasses in hand. “ I-my aggression was unnecessary.” He offers Asmo a glass before sitting back in his throne-like chair with a grunt. They drink in silence.

Asmo swirls the spicy drink around his tongue thinking hard. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He thought he could make things better by offering a shoulder or ear, perhaps tell Lucifer that you were doing well. You didn't seem to notice the hole at the table or in the classroom where Lucifer used to join you and the rest of them to eat or study. They had missed seeing him look so at peace around them. Everything had reverted back to like it was when you first arrived between the two of you, and it was affecting everyone. “Talk to me?” Lucifer blinks.

“And say what?” He peers at his empty glass before grabbing the decanter. “I’m fine? I have meetings piling up and I frankly don’t give a damn anymore. Or the fact that I have yet to cancel the table I had reserved for our anniversary dinner?” His last words waver dangerously before he burns them away with a large gulp of his drink. He sees the look in Asmo’s honey-colored eyes when he looks up. “I don’t need pity.”

Asmodous sniffs, waving away the thought. “Please. We all know better than that. I just want to check on you, and perhaps give you an idea?”

“What idea could you have that I have not thought of?” He asks curiously. Asmo lights up leaning in.

“What if we’ve been going about this the wrong way? We’ve been looking at magic to solve this when the answer was in front of us the whole time. Humans aren’t used to magic, so why look to it for the solution?”

“I don’t follow.” Lucifer puts his glass down leaning back in his chair. Was science what he needed to look at? He had tried that, had talked to human doctors and surgeons that owed him “favors”. They were as unhelpful as the rest.

“We are thinking like demons! We have to think like a human, woo them again. You did it once, surely their attraction wasn’t wiped out, just their memories.” Ahh. Lucifer shakes his head. He had thought of that, staring at himself in the mirror. Many nights were filled with the nagging fears of defeat. If his father had a hand in your recovery could he even be allowed to try again? Lucifer looks back at all the things he said those nights kneeling by your side. It was foolish, what even contract he might have accidentally made had too many open ends, too many half wishes, and clauses.

“I’m afraid I have already thought of that my brother.”

“Then why haven’t you tried? Have you given up?” Asmo is met with silence. “Does that mean the rest of us have a chance?” He gets the reaction he was looking for then. Lucifer’s form shutters, a full body twitch as his body blurs around the edges in warning. “Seems to me like you haven’t given up yet. So what is stopping you.”

Lucifer crumbles under his brother’s worried gaze. Perhaps he could divulge his worry, just this once. “I asked father Az.”

Asmo gasps in surprise, eyes wide in disbelief, then dawning realization. “You think They did this?” Lucifer shrugged, running a hand through his disheveled locks. “They wouldn’t-they couldn’t...could they?” None of the brothers knew what their father was up to anymore, nor if They were even still able to track them. It was an ever present cloud of stress over all of them. While they trusted Diavolo and his protection, the nagging fear was never-ending.

“This is perfect!” Asmo claps his hands together. Lucifer stares at him in confusion. Lust’s smile grew toothy and dangerous. “Do you know what this means?”

“No.” His younger brother snorts looking down at his nails. His mind was running a mile a minute. For as organized and crafty as Lucifer is, he sure had his moments.

“Think about it. If Father did meddle then you have to try courting them again. Defying Father is a talent!” Asmo claps his hands in giddy delight. “Wouldn’t it just chafe their linens if you got back together?”

“And what if They didn’t meddle?”

“Then what do you have to lose?” Lucifer laughs. It was breathy and lifeless at the start but grew in intensity as Asmo’s words sunk in. Why was it when he said it it made sense?

“As devious as ever Az.” Lucifer smiles. Yes, he could win you back easily and reclaim his pride all in one fell swoop. “Thank you for reminding me of who I am.” They were troublemakers, the lot of them and it was time for him to prove it once more that he was the worst of them.

He starts the next day dressing down for once in his long life. He wears an outfit you always complement tucked neatly into a pair of dress slacks you bought him after a date gone awry. He smirked, remembering the tight squeeze of your hand on him on the drive home. The friction of your palm on the smooth material...he tipped his dry cleaner extra that night. “Good morning.” He purrs out in greeting taking his seat at the head of the table. The few brothers around the table freeze for a moment, keen eyes darting from him to where you sat still eating as if nothing had changed. Asmodeus shot him a wink.

“Morning.” You chirp back around your spoon. “It’s good to see you back at the table. Finally got a break from work?” The demons hold their collective breath.

“Yes, you can say that I came to a revelation of sorts.” He hums into his mug.

From that point on no matter what corner you turn on Lucifer was there. A pleasant smile on his lips and an offer of aid. “Thank you for the help!” You drop the large stack of books on your desk with a satisfied grunt. “You know- even though our pack is still somewhat new, if you need help with your work I’d be glad to give you a hand too!”

“Would you?” He hides his predatory grin under his hand. “ Some of the matters I have to attend to will require some long, hard work. It may take up some of your nights.” The flush that graces your cheeks and the warm buzz from his pact mark make him giddy.

“I’m willing.”

Slowly he begins to pull you back into his world. He leaves well placed hints of your past together scattered around his workspace. Your favorite Devildom blooms and treats always seem to be around when you come to offer your help in the evening. He slips old pet names into daily conversations as you scribble notes and transcribe letters for him by the soft light of his desk lamp. Pacing himself was never so hard before in his life. Was he finally cracking through? Or were you falling for him again? It was a heady rush to be sure, the mix of anticipation and thrill of such earthly courting made him realize many things he didn’t see the first time around. He learns all over again just what he loved about you.

He had forgotten how patient you were around him and with his siblings. Your keen eye and attention to detail reminded him just why he trusted you. You flitted about him picking up things he missed and settling brotherly disputes without him having to waste his breath. It was almost like things were going back to normal, minus the cold sheets beside him at night. But he sticks to his plan, finding pleasure in simply learning about you all over again.

It came to an end sooner than he had expected.

“Enter.” Lucifer calls from his overflowing desk. It was finals time once again and the damages done to school property were picking up dramatically. He heard your fluttering heartbeat before you even entered his domicile. It picks up as you approach.

“Am I interrupting?

Lucifer looks up from his work, a grin growing on his tired face. “For you, never.” You smile back, coming closer. You held a mug of coffee in your hands. The beast within him wanted to raise its hackles in triumph and howl. His life must be a divine comedy. This night is playing out just like it did nearly a year ago. Did you remember too? Or was this just how it always was meant to be?

“I haven’t seen you in a bit, and got concerned.” You fiddle with the handle of the copper mug. Lucifer nods, it was true. He regrettably had to put his plans with you on hold, he had spent so much time scheming he had let a few things build up. “Asmo told me you were hold up in here working, and I thought you could use a pick me up. He-he helped me make you some coffee.”

Ah. It wasn’t the same as the first time, but it was a matter of time before his sibling started meddling again. He takes the cup from your outstretched hand. “Thank you, this is much appreciated.” You glow under his praise taking a seat by his side.

“Need any help?” You eye the stack of papers with interest. “I’ve gotten pretty good at reading the fine print.”

“Have you now?” He pushes a small stack of papers towards you. “Very well, I would love your company again.” You take the work with a nod eager to spend time with him again. He watches you work, unable to contain his growing smile before looking down at the cup by his side. The tar-black coffee looks back at him. Oh, how he wished to commend his brother and berate him all at once. It is putrid and stomach-churning but he savors it all the same.

“Is it alright?” You pause watching him drink in. You have never seen him so enraptured by a drink before.

“Yes.” It will be.

[onbeinganangel]

warmup ficlet for @the-starryknight! she picked 'i know we’re not together but i might die today so i’m going to kiss you just in case there is no later' from this wee list of kisses and asked me to drarry it up and I rubbed my hands together in glee knowing fully well i was about to put together a hell of an angst sandwich

not beta'd, not edited, just angst with a happy ending directly from my heart to yours! (cw: some canon-style mentions of blood, violence, injury and also kind of patient/healer relationship)

damned if you do it and damned if you don’t

(draco/harry, 1.8k)

Draco had pictured it so often throughout his life he sometimes couldn’t honestly believe he had made it all the way to twenty-seven.

He remembers saying it after being thrown on his arse by the family Abraxan. He’d been very little, then. Five or six, maybe. He’d cried, big fat tears running down his face, and when his Mother finally managed to pull his tiny fists down and stop him from hiding his crying behind them, he’d announced, “Maman, I am dying.” She had assured him he very much wasn’t. They’d had scones with big heaped spoonfuls of clotted cream and raspberry jam in the garden and he’d soon forgotten about his fall.

A few years later, he fell off his broom and straight into the lake. Dobby had spelled him dry to avoid him getting in trouble and he was still heaving, coughing up water and panicking when he told the Elf, “Dobby, I am dying.”

Then there was the incident at Hogwarts. He still felt the sharp talons on his skin way after the hippogriff was far, far away, as he bled, holding onto the gashes on his arm and announced to the whole class, “I am dying, it’s killed me!”

Between the ages of sixteen and eighteen, it was more constant. It was the heavy burn of the Mark settling on his arm, it was the feeling of all his organs lighting up in pain and his bones breaking under Crucio after Crucio, it was the sounds of Nagini slithering outside his bedroom door at night, the sickening thud of death, the unsettling screaming, his aunt’s shrill nails-on-chalkboard voice, Greyback’s growls. A neverending chant of “I am dying, I am dying, I am dying, I am dying” inside his head.

It was confiding in a ghost, it was crying because the fear of failure was so intense he reckons he would have preferred to be dead then, it was the only person he believed was actually kind and pure and incapable of willingly inflicting pain on anyone slashing him open and leaving him for dead on a bathroom floor. Draco had looked at Snape, murmuring spell after spell over him, and he’d whispered, “I am dying.”

It was learning how to be numb, how to not feel, how to keep everyone out of his mind and away from his thoughts, it was the paralysing terror of crawling around in the shadows, the bone-deep dread of dropping leftover bread rolls on the floor by the bars on the dungeon and kicking them swiftly into the other side, where they kept his classmates. It was sneaking a blanket or two down and saying to himself, “If they find out…”

It was the persistent horror of knowing you don’t believe in what you’re doing and knowing you’re damned if you do it and damned if you don’t. Between the ages of sixteen and eighteen, Draco would lie in his bed at night — his own at home, his own in the dorms, Pansy’s in the girls’ dorms when it got bad, and he would say it to himself, hoping it would become true, “I am dying.”

But he hadn’t. Despite all odds, Draco is happy. Twenty-seven. He’s got friends, a flat, a job he loves and he’s good at. He’s no longer spat at on the streets. He survived, he made amends, he managed it all. Most of all, he had managed not to die.

Until now, that is. This time he’s pretty certain he won’t be afforded such luck. He feels the curse hit him square on the chest. It’s his own fault, really, for not realising there was someone already in the room he entered. He’d been too busy throwing a rather flourished Incarcerous across the room at the two potions dealers he’d been running after for the past five minutes to notice the third man.

Draco is falling backwards before he has time to even think about anything, his wand clanking noisily seconds before he joins it on the floor.

Then: “Incarcerous.” He hears it — muffled but there. And after, “Fuck, Draco.”

He’s way too familiar with the way his Auror partner works not to know it’s him when the strong arms wrap around him and pull him up. “Oh, Merlin,” he hears. His eyes flutter back open for a couple of seconds and he can tell he was right, even if it’s all blurry: red robes, orange hair, worried blue eyes.

Fear. “I am dying,” he thinks. “Harry,” he says.

“You’re gonna see Harry alright,” Ron says. “He’s gonna have words about having to heal you again,” it’s almost like a joke. Like a Ronald-typical joke. But there’s an edge of worry there. There’s panic. Ronald doesn’t panic.

And it dawns on him. Draco tries to look down but it’s all red. The burgundy of his robes, the sticky dark red of drying blood on his hands and the fresh and vivid blood still pouring out of his chest. He’s not gonna make it to St. Mungo’s, he’s never going to make it to Harry.

“I am dying,” he says, and Ron makes a noise that can only be described as half agony, half agreement.

It smells like St. Mungo’s when he wakes up thinking “I am dying.” Very faintly, he hears the same voice he always hears in his dreams. Maybe he is dead. The voice never sounds like this in his dreams, though: disembodied, frantic, quick. Draco catches half words, half sentences, half conversations that don’t make sense. A different voice is saying “just do it” and “you’re powerful enough” and “sod protocol” and “I am his partner, I brought him here.” The voice from his dreams responds with things like “unstable” and “I don’t know” and “can you please try” and a “I can’t get in touch with her” and “not without consent forms” and a louder, angry “he’s not going to d—“

Draco tries to move towards the voice.

“Draco!” Says the first voice and three pairs of feet come towards him.

“Don’t try to open your eyes, don’t try to talk, don’t try to move, okay? We have stopped the bleeding for now, but we’re still trying to reverse the curse.”

“Harry.” His Harry.

“Yes, hello. We have got to stop meeting like this.”

“I am dying,” Draco croaks out.

“I won’t let you.”

Draco wants to speak. He wants to say “I am dying, I don’t want to die without telling you,” but he has no strength. His thoughts are going faster than the newest Firebolt as he hears Harry tell whoever else is in the room (Ron?) to leave. He wonders if this is it. This what they show you in the films: your life flashing before your eyes right before you die. He thinks of Harry shaking his hand after his Auror graduation ceremony. “Well done, Malfoy,” he’d said. He thinks of that first time he’d been invited over to Ron and Hermione’s, a few weeks after he became Ron’s partner, and Harry had laughed at his stories, lips wine-red and plump, eyes kind like he’d never expected. He thinks of every moment of almost in between them, every moment where Draco considered blurting it out, saying what was on his mind. The Christmas Gala as he towered over Harry and fixed the little chain on his robes for him, and that night at that dingy club for Hermione’s birthday where they’d stared at each other for forty minutes and when Draco had decided he couldn’t take it anymore, he found out that Harry had left. Or just last month when they’d gone out to buy a housewarming present for Luna and ended up eating leftovers on Harry’s sofa, exhausted from people and walking. There are too many. Too many instances of hesitation, too many “nearly-but-not-quites.”

And he’ll die and won’t ever get the chance to tell him, to kiss his handsome, stupid, precious face, and it aches — it hurts almost as much as that spot just to the left of his breastbone where the Curse had hit, where he was profusely bleeding not long ago.

“Closer,” he manages, very quietly.

Harry approaches, but not close enough, not even close enough for Draco to grab at him.

“Cl— clos—uh—closer,” he tries again.

And Harry’s right there, by his bed and he looks beautiful in his Healer robes (unheard of, really) and Draco is blinking his view into a sharper focus and listing all the things he knows he loves, the things he doesn’t want to forget: the white-ish storm of a scar that slashes through Harry’s eyebrow, the shiny (shinier than usual?) green eyes, the touch of stubble, the slightly crooked nose, the lips — oh, the lips, plump and sweet looking and Draco will never get to find out just how sweet. And then, he has to do it. Because if he’s going to die anyway, he may as well use his last breath on this.

He pushes himself off the pillow slightly and his hand pulls Harry’s green robes closer until their lips meet, clumsily and hard — Harry not expecting it, Draco waning from the efforts of pulling Harry closer, but Draco will die knowing he’s kissed Harry. And if there’s no later, at least he’s done it. At least Harry knows.

“Stop. You’ll hurt yourself,” Harry says, and pushes him back down. Gently, like everything he does.

“But—“

“I know, darling. Me too.”

Darling? Harry… too?

“I’m going to heal you, okay? I’m going to heal you and we’ll do that again. I’ll take you to dinner, or brunch, I know you like brunch. Or just coffee. We’ll go to the pictures. I’ll hold your hand. We’ll go flying. We’ll go clubbing and I’ll dance with you, I promise I will, and I’ll let you tell me how bad I am. I’ll find you a copy of that book you were talking about with Hermione, no matter how much it costs. I’ll throw my name around if I have to, okay? And we’re going to do that again, properly. When I’m not your healer and you’re not hurting. I’m going to heal you now, you just—“ he stops, then, breathing wild and panicked.

Then, a small sob. A kiss to his forehead. Draco doesn’t remember closing his eyes.

“You just hold on, yeah? Don’t go anywhere.”

And Draco would cry if he had the strength, he would say yes to all those plans and more, but he focuses on the feeling of Harry’s magic sinking into his body like and he holds on, just like he was told to. He holds on, even if he doesn’t know exactly to what. And he thinks maybe he’ll get lucky again, and he’ll stop picturing himself dead like he’s been doing his whole life. Harry’s magic feels like love, like poetry, like cascading words of affection whispered into the space between his ribs, it feels like hope. And Draco holds on and thinks to himself, as loud as a thought can go, “I am not dying.”

[tobiosmilktea]

 umpah umpah! smau

↪︎ bokuto x f!reader x iwaizumi

[021] — like a storm!

masterlist | prev. | next

a/n: swear my writing hasn’t been that good recently and i blame it on my lack of freetime 😔 anyway here’s 4.5k words of trashy word dump that i wrote in 2 hours ;)) also peep the tlc reference

in theory, this picnic blanket was much too small for the likes of fitting a webtoon author, an editor, and a beefy volleyball player all at once, and yet, it still managed to fit two more to come join—tightly bunched up in the park at night as the crisp air temperature slowly drops. having a picnic at the cusp of autumn and winter was a definite mistake, but then again, perhaps they were used to it by now.

it wasn’t like the cold was bothering bokuto at this point anyway as his blood simmered with a boiling hot ichor. he had a death grip on his phone as satomi left him on read. all the volleyball player could do was roll his eyes and scoff as he taps your shoulder. akaashi, who sat on the other side of you was in the midst of speaking to you, yet was interrupted by the bright white light from the screen shone across your faces.

your eyes scanned the texts, feeling your lungs desperately yearning for air. her words suffocated you, crushing your airways as you struggled to breathe. perhaps you have forgotten how to at that very moment. they say it takes about three minutes for someone to suffocate from the lack of oxygen and if akaashi didn’t shake you, that probably would have been you. the fact that seeing that damn photo made your heart shatter more times than you could count over a course of the past few days. you couldn’t catch a fucking break, could you?

you had to look away. if you had stared at satomi in iwaizumi’s bed any longer, you would’ve screamed your head off.

“god, these cookies are so fucking good. i would literally marry these if i could,” kaori moaned into another bite of a matcha shortbread cookie. she practically threw herself over yuko’s lap as she reached in her little baggie for more. “these cookies are a godsend, (y/n), where did you get them?”

“this bakery right next to onigiri miya, apparently they make good lemon macarons as well.” you mutter. the semblance of seeing those texts was still evident upon your expression.

yuko doesn’t fail to notice the way the timbre of your voice had changed within a sudden moment. she gives you a look, “what’s wrong?” her words, careful and genuine filled you with something somber as bokuto handed his phone to her.

kaori grunts slightly as she lifts herself off of yuko, yet her body was still leaned over to skim the texts along with her.

it was a nervous habit of yours to fiddle with your fingers, picking and scratching at your chipped nail polish until it was all gone. you don’t remember when this became a habit, but you always did this whilst you waited for something you dreaded to hear the answer to. as if the nerves within you pooled into a wave, crashing back and forth like a tide until you either get dragged along with it or somehow manage to survive.

their expressions contorted into a nasty mixture of disgust and absolute horror. even kaori who has seen the despicable sweet-tongued manipulations of nicotine-stained fingers of incels had to shake her head and push the phone away.

“i never liked that girl from the start,” yuko scoffs. she hands the phone back to bokuto, watching him switch it off and dropping it onto the cushioned picnic blanket in annoyance.

“god, the amount of anger coursing through my body right now...” muttered bokuto, “i can’t believe she would do this.”

“at least she didn’t do anything to iwaizumi,” akaashi tried to reason. things were already so messed up, it was the least he could do.

kaori shakes her head, clearing her throat from the dryness of the shortbread cookie. “doesn’t matter,” her words were venomous and cutthroat, “she’s still a terrible person considering she got him drunk and made him tell her shit that wasn’t any of her business. what a fucking snake.”

you pursed your lips slightly, wanting to close your eyes and make this all disappear the moment you wake up. the chill of the night air had finally struck you. it was that sudden urge to run away as fast as possible, to escape the words you wholeheartedly wanted to leave behind continued to follow you like haunting poltergeists. and as if the tingling phrases of whispered memoirs of your mistakes weren’t enough, your own decisions whether it was right or wrong lingered back to both iwaizumi and bokuto. it’s heavy baggage you so dearly wanted to get rid of, but the solutions seemed so skewed and out of place for you to comprehend properly that even the chill in the air started to burn.

bokuto glanced at you with worry coated the emotions in his eyes. his hand reached for yours, lacing his fingers through your own as his palm—though rough and calloused—was warm against the biting cold of your hand. it comforted you more than you had expected with the way it was hidden from the others, almost melting when bokuto started to rub his thumb in little circles on the back of your hand and over your knuckles.

your hands were so soft, he had forgotten how much he liked holding them. he could memorize each and every detail just by admiring the way your hand looked so tiny next to his, yet they fit together like a glove.

you swore your heart was ready to jump out of your throat then. you weren’t sure if bokuto could even feel the way you squeezed his hand slightly as a silent answer.

“we should do something about it,” you say after a few beats of silence had passed, but it only comes out in a hushed mutter.

bokuto squeezed back, “like what?”

“i don’t really know,” you shrug while you shook your head, “just something that’ll make her learn a lesson or two.”

kaori gasps, “we should sue her!”

you and the others gave her a look.

“like seriously, sexual assault allegations are terrible especially since she’s a famous sports team’s physical therapist!”

“there probably isn’t enough evidence for that to work, kaori, considering they only made out.” yuko says matter-of-factly, “besides, suing someone is expensive and we don’t have that kind of budget right now.”

kaori braids over arms over each other in disappointment, “that’s lame.”

“yuko’s right.” you sighed, “i don’t want things to get out of hand and end up going public either. iwaizumi is already mad at the fact that i used him for a webtoon and surely being part of a lawsuit would only make it worse.”

it had come to a point that you had noticed how far everything has come. you wanted to laugh at how fast everything went downhill within a matter of months. the skeleton of your mistakes was just waiting for its last bits to fall and crush you.

there had to be a way to just make this—whatever this entire thing is to just end already.

akaashi opened his mouth to speak after keeping his thoughts to himself this entire time, “what if we just... get her fired?” he finished the last of his words in a blazing hesitance as if we would absolutely hate the idea. granted, it wasn’t much to work off of just by a simple proposal, but it had potential.

“we could, but how exactly are we going to do that?” bokuto asks curiously.

“didn’t you say that tomas recently got injured?” akaashi starts, earning a nod from bokuto to have him continue, “well if we want to be discrete as possible we could do it the old-fashioned way.”

yuko furrowed her brows as she asked, “which is?”

“if she keeps missing work or arriving late, she could potentially lose her job.”

kaori bursts out laughing, heaving a heavy snort as she mused at akaashi, “seriously? is that really our best option?”

akaashi rolled his eyes as she teases, “since you wanted to go the legal route, technically, it is.”

the girl’s laughter came to a slow cease, cocking her head in interest as she waited for one of them to elaborate.

“no yeah, there’s still a chance for this to actually work.” bokuto starts without a second thought. hell, he even forgot he was still holding your hand. “professional sports teams require their medical team to be at every game whether it’s real or just practice since the players are always at risk of getting injured. satomi’s known to be good at being there every day on time, so if yoji and their boss sees that she’s consistently missing work now for... let’s say—iwaizumi—and tomas isn’t getting treated asap, they’re allowed to replace her. and if you’re replaced, there’s basically no going back even if it is just temporary. and if that happens...” he pauses as he holds back a smirk, “she’s going to be fined legally with negligence—worst-case scenario, she’ll probably be fined for nonfeasance too.”

“whoa there, those are some big words, sir.” says kaori, “someone catch me up here?”

akaashi lets out a sigh, “nonfeasance means failure to do what’s expected.”

the sound of awe left kaori as she nods in understanding.

“is this really necessary? it seems like a lot of work just to get back at her.” yuko has always been a rational person, just like akaashi, but the only difference between them was that she liked to do things the fastest and most easy way.

“if we play our cards right, i think we could do it.” says bokuto.

“then i think we need all the help we can get if we really want this to work out.” akaashi said, craning his neck towards you to ask, “should i tell semi and suga about it?”

it’s not even a question for you to answer considering how obvious the answer was. of course, you had to tell them. they basically knew everything already, and if anything they’re the only ones who could make this plan actually work.

“i can also tell my team about it to help.” bokuto adds in, but you cut him a look, “only atsumu, sakusa, hinata, and tomas of course. i promise i’ll only tell them what they need to know. what do you think?”

“as long as satomi gets what she deserves.”

you hated the way your thoughts were an endless motion of suffering. it had been keeping you awake all night as you tossed and turned. you couldn’t rest now as if a giant cinder block of forbidden serendipities would clash-boom-bang back onto you as it was being held by a teetering string of floss. it was bound to snap at any second. you yearned for even just a few minutes of rest as maybe these suffocating feelings would disappear once you woke up in the early morning.

it was still dark out—three a.m... maybe, but all you knew was that it was late and your flurrying thoughts were giving you so much residual energy that you needed to extrude. it wasn’t a form of adrenaline or a sugar rush, no, it was something else. your body was well beyond fatigued, but rather your mind was running like a brain on drugs.

there were so many things rushing through your head that it morphed into a jungle of tangled vines of plenty. it was a storming blizzard that couldn’t be calmed down as you finally pushed yourself off your bed, forcing your sheets off of you and sitting on the side of the matress. guilt was eating you alive, gnawing at your hollow chest as your semblance withered while the minutes passed. you just wanted for everything to just stop. please just stop.

maybe this is why you never told any of them. the stress, the consequences— you knew damn well that shit would hit the fan if you did, and yet it’s inevitable. the truth would have come out sooner or later.

ugh, why are you like this? you thought to yourself, dragging your fingers through your hair as you sighed out.

the answers were obvious, but it was the tingling of your lips that sent waves of heat to your cheeks as you recalled the kiss... the kiss! holy shit, the kiss. it hit you then when it played back in your head from a few hours ago when bokuto dropped you off at your door. something melted in bokuto’s eyes the moment you looked back at him, heat emanating from every inch of his skin as you tracked the tension in his body. he leaned over with his face just a few centimeters shy from yours and you swore he could probably hear your heart punching against your ribcage. bokuto could feel the warmth of your breath fanning against his chin and for a moment the world and all the problems in it seemed to disappear for a brief moment. before you knew it he kissed you gently as if it was his last. it certainly would be for a while, anyway.

“dammit,” you cursed in a harsh whisper, leaning over to switch on your bedside lamp in a swift flick.

you slapped your cheeks to force the thought out of your head as you made your way to your desk. you turned your desk lamp on with it’s bright yellow hue flickering slightly over your messy work area. it was scattered with paperwork and miscellaneous notes that it was surely beyond your mood to even fix-up.

usually, you tend to be pretty clean and organized with your desk space, and yet with recent events, you’ve been letting the work pile up instead. you’ve always liked the saying, this is something future (y/n) can deal with, but for once you hated yourself for it. besides, look where it got you.

a sigh escaped your lips when you plopped yourself upon your chair. your delicate fingers traced along the edges of the neatly bonded sheets of love cemetery’s storyboard. you started it earlier today with the help of the rest of the ddd team after the director of the project gave you the freedom to do so as usually, he would be in charge of making the storyboard and such. despite being rather chaotic on a daily basis, you were glad to be surrounded by people who always put a smile on your face while still getting work done. those were the best types of people to work with—friends that cared about you.

you guys managed to get the first fifteen pages done and you needed twenty completed panels in less than twenty-four hours. you were used to this type of pressure, especially while you were working on your webtoon. you were surprised how many times you sprained your hand from constantly working that the aching pain between your joints and your wrists were second nature at this point. surely, you would have carpal tunnel by now if akaashi wasn’t there to always nag you to take breaks.

with a few wrist stretches and cracks of your knuckles, you flipped to the next scene—the day you and bokuto met. your heart tugged slightly as you envisioned the scene you drew in your webtoon, slowly converting it into a movie scene in your head.

oh, how things have changed.

your hand ached for mercy by the time seven a.m. struck. the sun had already peeked through the horizon, sending rays of sunlight through the blinds of your bedroom window as a greeting for the new morning. you had been sketching out the storyboard for five nonstop hours (give or take a few minutes in between trying not to let the different events in the story get to you).

you’ve always had a strange habit of ignoring the pain in your wrist, but now it was certainly unbearable. the lead pencil that was hot to the touch from the heat from your hand dropped onto your desk in a clatter. your eyes flicked down to your palm as you could feel the fatigue darkening your eyebags. your hands were practically alabaster from the constant pressure that it took a good moment for the circulation to run back into your hand.

you left your bedroom and made your way to your kitchenette. it was like your body was moving on its own, grabbing a mug, turning on your kettle, and tossing teaspoons of sugar in your cup for your morning tea as if you were on autopilot.

silence had surrounded you for far too long, you needed some form of sound to keep you sane from staying up all night and leaving you alone with your thoughts to just take over. sounds from the television hummed through the quaint air of your apartment in the lowest possible volume, just beneath the whistling of the tea kettle atop your stove.

you poured out the boiling hot water as your eyes followed the way the tea steeped through the liquid like a spreading storm.

the doorbell rang then, causing your head to swirl towards your door with slight confusion filling your expression. who would even come by so early in the morning?

the floorboards of your apartment creaked at your light steps as you trod towards the door, almost flinching at the cold surface of the handle as you unlocked it. you pulled the door open. there was that infamous morning chill in the autumn air that bit at your bare arms and legs. the heat from your apartment escaped at the motion as your breath hitched within your throat.

he looked out of breath and filled with fearful tension as his broad shoulders relaxed a bit at your sight. his usual soft brown locks that are always styled was tangled and woven into each other like a basket weave. hell, he looked as if he rushed immediately here the moment he woke up, all disheveled and almost desperate. poor guy didn’t even think to put on a coat before coming.

what the hell is he doing here?

“iwa—?” you attempted to say out loud in a harsh whisper that could barely leave your body in the first place. and yet, your voice disappeared into his chest as he pulls you into him, warmth engulfing you like burning ember.

you swallowed the lump forming in your throat as you froze. call it shock or just plain confusion but you couldn’t bring yourself to move your arms from the way iwaizumi’s embrace trapped them to your sides. just the plain sensation of the heat rising from his skin was enough to simmer down your awe as you finally managed to wrap your arms around him.

“i’m sorry,” he mutters into your shoulder.

you captured your bottom lip between your teeth. “i’m sorry too,” you say in the same matter, yet your voice almost sounded hoarse from the dryness in your throat. “i should’ve told you the truth.”

“and i shouldn’t have said those things that i said to you...”

a response would usually follow right after, but you couldn’t piece together the correct words and all of the nuanced phrases in your head to say into the air. your thoughts were too far cluttered and chaotic to even say anything more other than, “it’s okay.”

iwaizumi could only pull you in closer, hold you tighter, and leave his arms around you as if he feared that you would disappear out of his reach if he were to let go even in the slightest. he made the mistake of letting you go that one night many years ago and he has learned his lesson since them. he’s not going to take any more chances.

you two have been in each other’s arms for a while now, but you couldn’t find the strength in you to let go. you haven’t felt iwaizumi’s hugs in so long that perhaps you wanted to savor it a bit longer as well. like a little treat—a reward of a few minutes of peace after a thunderstorm of misunderstanding where all that’s left is the aroma of lingering petrichor of bittersweet nothings. you would like to call this a small victory, but something was off.

“iwa,” you say once you finally pulled yourself into your senses, “what’s wrong?”

“i did something bad, (y/n). i fucked up.”

you pull away from him slightly, just enough to be able to look at him in the eye but still be in the comfort of his arms. “what happened?”

“i was so fucking stupid, i shouldn’t have agreed to go with satomi.” oh, you thought as the words left his mouth. you pursed your lips together, forcing yourself to lock your gaze onto him as he spoke. “i ended up getting drunk and telling her everything that happened by accident.”

it’s okay, i already know. i already know, i already know. the words rang inside your head as you fought to say the words, but nothing was coming out. you did nothing wrong, it’s okay, it’s okay. there was so much hurt and betrayal lacing iwaizumi’s copper eyes that you feared anything you say (regardless if it was in his favor) would obliterate everything that just happened into dust. seriously, how bad would it sound telling a person that you were already aware of what they did? iwaizumi already had so many trust issues that you were treading on thin ice right now.

it really all came down to the question: do what’s right or do what’s easy?

right or easy, right or easy?

for years you have been choosing the easy route to undermine your problems. you always thought to yourself, if you had ignored the problem long enough, eventually it’ll all go away. it might have worked for the tiniest of things, but you should’ve known it would never work when you were fucking up other people’s lives from your own selfishness.

you didn’t want to be selfish anymore.

“we ended up sleeping together.”

you scrunched your brows in confusion, “what?”

did satomi lie then? did they actually sleep together?

“i-i don’t even remember how it all happened!” iwaizumi exclaimed in such urgency. he certainly didn’t want to make the gap between you two any bigger, “all i remember was that we kissed but before i knew it, i woke up to her in my bed but she was fully clothed.”

you sigh with a huff, trying to piece together the disarrayed parts together as you recalled bokuto’s words from last night, satomi doesn’t lie when it comes to sleeping around. the sentence wandering your thoughts as the boy before you continue to ramble. so maybe satomi didn’t lie after all, “listen, iwa—”

“you gotta believe me, (y/n), i didn’t mean to do it. when i said that i still love you the last time we texted i meant it—”

“haji, i said listen!” you huffed as you grabbed his arm. the sudden name change was enough to shut him up and possibly cause a surging red tint to his ears. you found it adorable, but you had to cut him some slack since you hadn’t called him that since high school. “last night i was with akaashi and bokuto.”

iwaizumi was already making a face before you could even start. “why were you with them?”

“just hear me out okay?” you pleaded.

he saw the aggression in your eyes and immediately shut up, nodding for you to continue.

“while i was with them, satomi texted us about everything that happened. she said that you guys only made out and didn’t do anything beyond that.” you explain, watching the slight relief softening his expression, “she ended up just sleeping over instead that’s why she was in your bed.”

you didn’t expect him to say anything when you finished your thought. it was a lot to sudden comprehend as you two just stood there waiting, swallowed up in your own thoughts.

“don’t blame yourself, okay?” you attempted to break the silence, “what satomi did was wrong.”

iwaizumi’s wandering gaze flickered back to you, fist curling up into a tight ball until his knuckles turned marble white. but as quickly as he felt the aching of his nail digging into his palm did he let go and let his shoulders drop. he sighs while he ran his hand through his tangled hair. he didn’t know what to say and the silence was punishing.

you parted your lips slightly as the words tickled your tongue. “this, um, might be too much to ask and you don’t have to say yes, but we need your help with something.”

“who’s we?”

“bokuto, akaashi, kaori, and the rest of my team.” you answer truthfully, “we’re trying to get satomi to face the consequences.”

iwaizumi nods, not hesitating for a second. “alright, i’ll do it.”

well that was easier than you thought.

you held back an amused laugh, hiding your smile behind your hand as you pull away from him. you made your way back to your kitchen as you had forgotten about your cup of tea from earlier.

“but...” iwaizumi trailed behind you as you sipped from your mug. “i was the one who made a move on her first.”

“oh,” you say. you definitely didn’t know about that small detail that sent ivy-like jealousy through your veins, “i mean... you were drunk so it makes sense.” you tried to justify without making your envy too obvious.

you turned away from him, fearing that he could see right through you.

“i kissed her thinking it was you,” he states.

your eyes widen then, slapping your cheeks that heated by the second. there was a grip around your swiftly beating heart, aching within your ribcage as you attempted to calm the roaring serendipities that threatened to bloom prematurely.

a composed sigh leaves you as you pull yourself together, turning back around to face iwaizumi with a meek smile. “cool,” you mused awkwardly as your brain search rapidly for a way to change the subject. iwaizumi moved closer to you, sending you into a mild panic, “have you had breakfast yet?” you asked out of the blue.

but before you could even fathom what he was doing, he cups your face between his hands and pulls you in.

your heart flutters and stops when iwaizumi pressed his lips against yours, soft and delicate as if you were the most fragile thing within his grasp. and you were. his touch against your jaw was light as it trailed down your neck. he could feel the raging ichor that soared through your veins like a wildfire while your hand that was splayed against his broad chest could feel the thumping of his heart against your own palm.

you pull away from him as he says, “no, i haven’t.” but it wasn’t to let him answer, rather, it was the thought that iwaizumi came second place again.

fun facts! —

yes. y/n did kiss both bokuto and iwaizumi within a span of a couple hours 💀 queen shit fr

after iwaizumi left, y/n immediately facetimed kaori and akaashi and told them what happened

it was definitely awkward between bokuto and iwaizumi when they saw each other, but it was harder to avoid satomi

(also by saying “iwaizumi came second place” means who was able to kiss y/n first not who won her feelings over)

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