#how much shit ive written on ao3 and also how much shit ive written here. its a LOT

[ladyxxdaydream]

*pops in like kakashi*

yo.

heh.

i have a question for any of my readers who still happen to be on tumblr... if theres any of you out there...*squint*

over the last couple of days I binged IFIYD and NATA as a means to escape some difficult emotions in my life rn (hooray we love avoidance LMAO) and it brought me so much joy and comfort.. and made me dust off my google doc on the third installment.

i know what you're thinking: megan shut the FAWK up you've brought this up several times during the last few years and have never done anything about it IMTIRED andKAHDSKGDS you're not wrong, i hear you, but ALSO what ive written so far is so fking good it makes me sad for it to just.. sit there 😭 idk how much i've talked about it on here, but i envisioned the story in three or four parts, in different povs, because one thing about me is i switch povs like a mf (as my readers will know kjdsg). thats just how it is around here. the povs would be deidara, kakashi, iruka, and potentially (probably) itachi.

deidara's pov is the one that is almost finished, and who i always planned to post first. (-.- i think..)

my question to u is.. how much would you hate me if i posted deidara's pov, and then had no idea when the other pov's would be ready..... with the possibility they could take a long time 💀 OR would you rather i not post anything until its complete complete. ultimately i know i can do whatever i want but.. i like asking.

it would be posted as a 3-4 chapter fic, but each pov (chapter) would probably read more like a stand alone one-shot. so its not like you'd be left with cliffhangers or anything.

as you can tell.. i dont really care about rules when it comes to fic writing LMAO. but also fandom seems a bit more scary now in some respects; its changed a lot in the last 4-5 years & creators get a lot of shit from entitled people (they always have, but it seems to have worsened during the pandemic..?)

anyways. im rambling now. i may just be talking to the void but.. so be it. if you're around.. lemme know...or maybe i'll just randomly drop it on ao3 one day when u least expect it.

[blacktrickle]

Hiiii, I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I always enjoy hearing your opinions on things so figured I’d ask, do you ever consider delving more into submissive Miles in your writing? 

I’ve noticed with Milex fics with that kind of D/S dynamic that it’s almost exclusively dom!miles, I’ve even noticed on the odd fic where the typical roles are reversed you’ll get comments like “can’t believe you made Alex top, he’d never do that!!!”, which (ignoring the fact we obviously don’t know these people so what they would/wouldn’t do is entirely up to the author and what they want lol) kinda annoys me because I’ve often been enticed by a reverse in that dynamic and I think it’s entirely plausible (and very hot hehe). I appreciate how in your own writing that they both occasionally switch because I think that’s way more common than just designated roles, yet this fandom as a whole can seem very set in their ways sometimes. I’m really not trying to start shit with that last comment haha, I just think it’s interesting that oftentimes when I’ve seen people write something outside of the status quo there’ll be comments being like “no, that’s not right!”. 

I used to read and write d/s Milex fics over on wattpad and found it interesting that they seemed to go down pretty well over there compared to how I’ve seen others here or ao3. I wondered if it was because wattpad as an app seemed to be filled with fans who preferred to read Alex in a more dominant role, compared to elsewhere, but I definitely felt more comfortable sharing my (since deleted) works over there.  

Like I say, I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum, I understand people have preferences, I just think it’s interesting how there oftentimes isn’t much wriggle room for straying outside the more typical dynamic and I wonder why that is? Could it be a case of new people not wanting to be an outlier if they also saw comments like I did, or just that existing fics can often have the same themes/dynamics so people interpret that as being closer to canon* since it’s the most common? Or am I way overanalysing and more people just prefer sub!Alex? Who knows, but I’d be interested in your thoughts if you have any! 😅 

*Ive been in a fandom before where I’ve seen people literally hating an actual person for something awful they said to someone else, just for it to transpire that the thing they were so angrily spreading hadn’t actually happened and was made up for a popular fanfic lol so I can see how that could happen

sorry this is a mad late response. i've been thinking about it ever since you asked so i'll try to hit some of your points.

after sitf and kane's clobber are done, i really don't see myself writing more milex in general. sitf specifically explores a lot that i wanted to do with those characters, especially regarding what you're asking about. the final chapters put a nail and a bow on some of how their kink dynamic came to be over the span of twenty years. and i'm pretty satisfied with how i explored that quality of their relationship. kinda can't shake the canon i've built there. so idk if there will be another means to explore it with any kind of depth. especially since i don't really write one shots. and this was the most i've written about kink and sex for fandom ever. and i don't like writing the same subject twice? so idk idk. totally possible that i could write something specific to a Sub miles. but i don't have anything in mind.

as far as the general premise of your ask. in my own experiences as a "kinky fuck," very few people are purely one thing. still, i know there is great reason to write alex as a sub and/or bottom. it's an understandable conclusion or presumption given his pretty blatant intrigue by D/s dynamics. not gonna dig all that deep into his lyrics and stage behavior very much because that horse has been beaten like bongos.

but i still have similar hangups as you. genuine surprise at how little subby or bottom miles there is. there are several moments during the TLSP tour where alex is displaying "dominant" behavior and miles is submissive. i'm immediately thinking of how often he pushes and miles around to put him where he wants. and specifically, there's a moment or three where he grips miles' hair pretty tight and miles is immediately relenting. and don't get me started on alex bridal carrying him away lmaooooo. probably a dozen other moments like that if i had the brain capacity to list them. in general though, alex has always read bratty switch to me lmaooooo takes one to know one. but i'm probably projecting.

that's all to say, miles is (to me) so clearly versatile. he plays both sides of that fence. i don't think he is as bratty or needy, so maybe it isn't as typical for people to notice, but he definitely wants to be a little princess or pet. at least, it seems obvious To Me.

anyway, what you're talking about isn't unique to the milex fandom. almost every fandom i've been in selects roles for their relationship dynamic and goes from there. whether that be top and bottom or dom and sub. also, much of people's understanding of top and bottom and vers and switch and dom and sub all get conflated for a multitude of reasons. so that already makes things wonky.

so given alex's displays as well as the smallness of the fandom, there are only so many writers to write so many flavors. sometimes it feels like miles is being used more as a delivery system to illustrate alex's proclivities than having actual dimensions. but then again, that is pretty common across all fandoms. that is unfortunately how the cookie crumbles.

i personally don't read very much milex anymore, and i never really reach for purely smut fics (which i know sounds wild because sitf certainly has its fair share), but i will always be interested in a submissive miles. if it's executed in the way that would tickle my fancy. i personally don't have interest in daddy!alex, and that was my impression of most dom!alex fics when i first came to the fandom. namely on the x reader side. i haven't really gone back to exploring those waters. but yeah i'd love to read a good fic of alex putting miles on his knees. haha.

regarding people commenting that they don't think a certain character should be written a certain way... HA. bruh. i got an anon once that was like "can you tag bottom!miles because i don't like that and it pulls me out of the story but i wanna keep reading can you put it in your CW" or something along that line. i didn't even respond. if the sex position i wrote the character in ruins the story for you, then i don't want you to reading my fucking story anyway. so shoo. lmao like be fucking forreal. if it matters to you that much, fine. go read a story that is tagged. me? i'll never tag my fics with that. i know sitf is sex-heavy, and i do write the smut in detail... but given the effort i put into all the other parts of the story, you can literally fuck off if you're just scrolling it for the smut. i mean, do what you want, but don't complain to me if i put miles in panties and have alex lay his little ass out.

AND EVEN IF IT WAS JUST ABOUT SEX, YOU CAN LITERALLY GO READ ANYTHING ELSE. ANYTHING. like how dare you come to me like "your story would be better if they switched roles and holes" please get a fucking grip. or at least have the couth not to say it to someone.

anyway, i hope this speaks to the stuff you're asking about! it's totally legit. when i first started around here, i remember not thinking it was such a "problem" for lack of a better word, but now i'm a few years in and... yeah, let's say i stopped being active for reasons related to your criticism.

if you or anyone else has any good subby miles fics, feel free to recc them my way! x

[velvetwyrme]

oouuouua please make a follow up on the superhero pap x reader theyre one of my favorites also im excited to see tf fic from yuo

im glad you enjoyed it!!! i got a comment on it recently while i was thinking abt how to continue it and that seemed to click my brain into action LMAO

EHEHEHE hopefully! soon!! ive got a few things in mind but im also waffling over Really Starting because i have so many things ongoing but... auauugh the IDEAS plague me!!!!

also heres a sneak peek into my brain because im in the mood to chatter, but feel free to skip it if you so desire:

for Origin Story im LOOSELY planning any continuation/s to be kinda standalone stories all centered around a superhero trope (like the Origin Story ;]) because i think that could be fun to work with. i enjoyed writing some of the larger Undertale cast, something that i WOULD have liked to do in FF, except Edge and the MC in that are both pretty reclusive socially abfjfbdjdghkf,, oh well.

anyway. i have tons of ideas for the various tropes, so its really a matter of picking a place and Writing. i really want to feature more of Alphys in this because i love her dearly <3

as for TF fic... most of them are reader inserts unsurprisingly lmaooo but ive got a few non-reader inserts floating around there too. im kinda just throwin stuff at the walls of my mind to see what sticks, but heres a few of my draft titles for your perusing pleasure:

into the fire: noble-ish au with a human reader who is supposed to be gifted to one of the members of the household. reader makes a failed escape attempt torn bedsheet style and is saved :] inspired loosely by the visual novels i used to read/play back in high school LMAO. skeletiano, i will forever be sad i could not romance you.

between you, me and soundwave: reader writes rpf abt mechs on earth LMAO. i see people mention humans writing fanfic about Cybertronians in passing but i think itd be funny to put that at the forefront. extremely silly and low stakes fic. probably.

drift compatibility: mecha! pilot! au!! exists purely because i read 1 (one) fic about plugsuits and just went "hmnngh... mecha pilots are fun to imagine interacting with Cybertronians... also there's DRIFT compatibility... i can totally do some fucked up shit with that" and now it's spiralled wildly out of control because at some point i started thinking about Governments and Social Structures and got distracted with worldbuilding lol. i have many many many ideas and i can only hope i can string some of them together so I can EXPLODE it out of my brain either through writing or art. also theres smut that happens wayyyy down the line which ill probably end up writing first and posting separately LMAO

penance is a prison: my take on Titan AU but as a fic because my brain is so so full of thoughts abt this au. i'll probably just end up drawing a lot of these scenes instead but like. its there! partially written!! im emotions abt it!!!

self explanatory long title: human/borrower au constructicons/jazz/prowl poly. i love rare not-so-pairs a lot and im particularly fond of this set. also i just like thinking abt either jazz and prowl getting menaced by a bunch of tiny guys OR the opposite where a group of construction workers have two borrower roommates. this one is more just random idea dumps instead of a fic but still fun to think about LMAO

ALSO! MINI REC. while you wait for me to (eventually maybe) write TF fic, you should check out boostergoldishh's works on ao3 for some tasty tasty TF reader insert fics. im still planning on making a rec list but they updated today and im filled w/ much love for good writing.

and as a bonus if you got this far (thank you!!): the super secret draft chapter title for the next NEXT FF chapter because its pretty silly

if my cowriter sees this hi. ill share the doc soon but its pretty much empty, its just there to remind me whats coming next LMAO 👍

[bvckbiter]

What is your favourite fic you ever wrote/are currently writing?

And also do you have any fic recs with Alabaster? I just finished Son of Magic a few weeks ago due to my friend's insistence lol

oh. oh my god. i love when people ask me about fics i love when people ask me about writing stuff i love when people ask me for recs. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok i will be Very Normal for this ask. proceeding,

i dont think i could be asked to pick a Favorite™️ fic because ive written (and left unpublished and/or unfinished) so many and theyre quite a variety and all very near n dear to me for different reasons. i think my zylla fic has some of my "prettiest" writing. (yes it's unfinished but i have a lot of love for the pairing, so i still do want to finish it, but the finale chapter is so SO daunting that my brain just kinda goes blank when i open the numerous drafts i have.) among the ones i'm actively working on rn, from eden (percalabeth/smartwatermagic fic) and a lukalypso wip are what my brain is currently picking at bc the relationship dynamics make my brain go brrrrrrr. unfortunately i like writing complicated af relationships so... my favorite fics are also the ones giving me the hardest time HAHAHHAAHAH

and on finishing Son of Magic recently; WELCOME TO THE CLUB!! join the dark side hehehe he's so blorbo-shaped. alabaster fic recs below the cut because i fear this is getting quite long...

Quintessence by amallpena - HoO rewrite with Alabaster in the crew and Jason/Alabaster as the pairing; super fascinating!

Heroes Never Die (Right?) by @m4gp13 - a fic about Ethan's last few days before his dead, amazingly and painfully written; Alabaster is not the main character here but he and Ethabaster are very prominent. If Alabaster's tidbit about the post-Manhattan TA amnesty/massacre fascinated you, this will tickle your brain

servete by @chirp-featherfowl - oneshot glimpse into life on the Princess Andromeda; The Implications of the Hecate Siblings™️...

prelude to sunrise by crystallines - sigh... the canon divergence au where alabaster saves ethan's life... these boys deserve happiness

river (@everythingwasalreadypicked) and phoenix (@phoenix--flying) each also have a SHIT TON of lovely alabaster fics in their ao3 profiles, too many to rec here xD idk how these guys write so much its crazy

[iminmywritersdungeon]

okay so ive been going through my ao3 bookmarks (to clean them up. i dont have an account so i have actual bookmarks in my browser and they got too much for me :/ anyways i really should get around to making an account)

and i reread your original works. specifically the one with the knife was so evocative and so good like your writing omfg i would watch youtube videos of you reciting that one and cry. like, it is so simple, and it has this rhythm to it that makes me get sucked in and read it over and over and over again and still feel the same emotions while reading it repeatedly in one sitting

You bleed and you burn and you grow and you age and you grieve for what you might’ve done, for who you could have been, if you had never gripped the knife.

when i read this first, i just exhaled sharply and closed my eyes to just process it because what the fuck. wow.

And one day you sit in your ocean of blood that has spilled out of you a million times and you find that the knife does not hurt as much that your muscles are not as tense and maybe just maybe-

i have no words to describe how i feel about this

growing up is being unable to let go of the knife to grieve is to grip it harder acceptance is dropping the knife to move on is to bandage the wound

you continued the poem in the notes?????? like this is a punch in the gut that makes everything in the text actually sink in and it honestly makes for great closure. it feels like when you gently let go of a leaf and watch as it slowly falls to the ground and then walk away

sorry if it feels like im just rambling my brain is very scattered rn. you do not know the effect this has had on me

thank you so much for writing this. i kinda wanna see this one day as a part of a poetry book. also eep i feel kinda shy putting this and youre one of my fav mutuals which is why im not on anon

NOVA I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH I saw this and started jumping around squealing with joy this is amazing

Fun fact i replied to this twice already except tumblr crashed and deleted my very long responses so here goes again!! Im gonna ramble be prepared

So I wrote this when I was in a pretty dark spot. I was dealing with the inevitability of me growing up and leaving my parents house. I’m still dealing with that lol but it was much worse back then. I was so scared and I was in so much pain and I had the idea in my head (it has a name, but I’ve always referred to it as ‘the knife metaphor’ in my docs and notes) and one day I just sat down and typed out my thoughts stream of consciousness style, no plan just vibes. I actually didn’t even like it much when I first wrote it, though I’m much more fond of it now. It definitely has a much different vibe in terms of just like. The way it’s written compared to the rest of my works. I joke a lot about how I throw punctuation to the wind for emotional effect but really it is that one where I fully go for it.

Anyway it means so fucking much to me that my rambling writings resonated with someone else in the way they did for me. My fanfiction is my escape but my original writing is where I really put pieces of myself into it. I put part of myself and my experiences into all my writing but I think in general when it’s original I write about my own thoughts and my own life a lot more than I do for fan works. One of the biggest examples of this is this work which really is just me telling the reader about my experience with a wildfire that tore through my entire town. I love that it made you feel this way and that it had the intended effect

omfg i would watch youtube videos of you reciting that one and cry.

I do actually have a yt channel lol maybe some day I’ll actually post writing stuff there but rn it’s all vlogs and random shit. I do have a plan one day to make a video detailing the Barbie princess charm school succession crisis

For anyone wondering, the work in question is this one. It’s a relatively long poem/pretty short story that I wrote one day in a haze and uploaded to ao3

Also nova YOU are one of MY favorite mutuals I adore you so much <3

[vryivs]

fanfic writer interview

thank you @tiesanjiaoshenanigans

How many works do you have on AO3? 52

What's your total AO3 word count? 571, 768

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Tangerine, Macaron (seongjoong)

the dirt that you're made of (yanqing)

恋の予感 (the longest path to us) (seongjoong)

If I Can Leave One Memory (sansang)

the stars are here (seongjoong)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? yes!! i usually go through my comments right before i upload a new fic or chapter, just because that's easiest

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? god um ok. one sec. it's definitely 白镜 - White Mirror. tragic lesbians... most of what i write has a happy or at least ambiguous ending but this one follows canon so it's a tragedy instead

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? oh man! tbh it's probably 恋の予感 (the longest path to us) again. although nearly everything i write ends happy

Do you write crossovers? not rlly... they just don't appeal to me that much so I've never written them. i dont read them either

Have you ever received hate on a fic? nope! considering how long ive been writing it honestly kind of surprises me--its not even like i write particularly safe stuff either. i figure that maybe its because so much of my work is so personal that a people tend to maintain good etiquette and dont talk shit directly to me

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. the cinematic kind lol. last time i wrote something explicit was fine, but i much prefer writing smut in a more literary style? not sure if that makes sense. the writing equivalent of close shots and fancy camera angles and lens flare, although that doesnt mean that i cant be crass when i want

Have you ever had a fic stolen? i dont think so, but its not like i check

Have you ever had a fic translated? nop! someday i want to get good enough to translate my own hsr work into chinese just bc so much of what i write is influenced by reading and learning about chinese culture and linguistic quirks, but that wont be any time soon

Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes!! several actually. lonely 'til you hold me was a collab with a pinch hitter for the event it was for. then i also wrote on my old account Accursed Spawn with @shineoftherainbow which to this day i am obsessed with

What's your all-time favorite ship? oh man... i am fickle and my tastes change by the week, but i think i will always have a soft spot for einsla, even if i dont write them much

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? never say never but probably the seongjoong royalty au. i had it planned and everything but then people started discoursing around eden and the planned ending i wrote was potentially too topical, so i waited and then i lost steam.

What are your writing strengths? flow i think? ive always been pretty good at keeping things moving at a good pace. i edit myself a lot (and practice editing on some actual published books too!) so its become second nature to chop and change and move things around.

What are your writing weaknesses? actually writing. just kidding. probably that when i get stuck on something i tend to focus only on the fact that im stuck and cannot continue until i have unstuck myself

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? depends on what is meant my this! if it's about honorifics in dialogue (eg, hyung, -chan, dajie etc) i support it, since a lot don't translate well to english. Same with terms of endearment like -ito and -ie. if it's whole dialogue, it really depends. am i supposed to be able to understand the dialogue? is it something that could've been written just as well with 'he says, in [language]', does the author understand what they're writing, is it a text based or verbal conversation? does the pov character understand what's being said? (personally the best way to have dialogue in other languages is if the pov character isn't supposed to understand it. but always be aware that a native speaker of that language may still read the fic)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? kiamei! i love my lesbian mothers.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

白镜 - White Mirror. lets go lesbians! i really enjoyed writing in this style

tagging: @shineoftherainbow @himbodevotee @nicenightmare13 @morifiinwe @marichild @linhuine

[itstheheebiejeebies]

20 Questions Fanfic Author

tagged by @bossboudicca <3

1. How many works on AO3?

28

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

174,699

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos

a marvel fic i wrote in 2015

a supernatural fic that really got me back into writing that i wrote in 2022

a really short spn fic

another spn fic

What Happens on Leave which I'm super proud of and yall should consider reading

4. What fandoms do you write for?

It's mostly MotA, but I've got a few TP fics, a BoB fic, a fair number of spn fics, a yellowjackets fic, some for the Saw movies, and that one marvel fic.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to all of them because I want to encourage the engagement (i like getting comments sue me) and I also love when authors respond to my comments

6. Angstiest Ending?

one of the alternate endings for You Can't Be Dead, I Won't Allow It because I really let myself do some fucked up painful shit in there

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

Probably Letters to Vera

8. Do you get hate?

not on any of my fics as far as im aware

9. Do you write smut?

yes sirree. go read What Happens on Leave or Come Dancing if you wanna read mine. WHoL is actually the first smut I've ever written

10. Do you write crossovers?

nope. don't tend to read them either

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

no, but i did get super salty when i had to fight to get one of my fics taken out of a roundup of fics done by a group of shitty people in a fandom

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but if you wanna do that hit me up, that would be great

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

nope

14. All time favorite ship?

give me like 6-12 business years and I'll get back to you on that

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

nothing i have published. ive got a wip folder that has a number of comatose fics. they're not dead yet but i don't have a lot of hope for some of them

16. Writing strengths?

angst maybe? it comes pretty easy to me. people really like my smut too

17. Writing Weaknesses?

writing a lot at once. i tend to do a little at a time and so it can take me ages unless im completely moved to write

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

i think it can be done well but often times it's not. and since i don't know any other languages I'm not gonna attempt it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

hmmm. gonna have to pull up my old ff.net profile to answer this one. it was apparently Firefly and it's not good. like really not good. but that was from march of 2011 so i was 13 and basically nobody's fanfic is good at that age but we persist to get better so as much as i'm cringing looking at that profile I'm proud of it because it got me here

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

hard question. I'm very sentimental about certain fics because they were important for different reasons, but of my published ones I'd say either YCBDIWAI, WHoL, or and the dead call the dying. of my wips? there's a stranger things fic i've been slowly working on since not long after s4 came out and it's at 48.7k and nowhere near finished. occasionally it will consume my every waking thought even when I'm not making any progress on it. But WHoL does that way more often.

tag you're it: @hellofanidea @sidleckie @blood-suits-and-tears

[diz-eaze]

asking this is anon bc im embarrassed, but ur writing is kinda inspiring me to write some fanfic,,, iv never written or even posted anything publicly on tumblr, do u have any advice?

when it comes to posting on tumblr, I'm also fairly quite new ! :000 i actually created my tumblr account back in 2020 when twst and genshin were still new, so i wanted to take part in the community by posting art😣😣😣 but i had severe social anxiety and my art was literally doodoo shit as expected of a junior high schooler, so i felt like this app was too out of reach for me to post on. i only started writing around mid-2023 and posted all my stories on wattpad😭😭😭 but if you hate repetitive, mischaracterized, and overused fandom jokes then wattpad definitely isn't the place to go to </333 it was hell there for the most part. when i only started posting here on tumblr, i think it was around late November last year on my twsted-outro account?? but i only started being active on this diz-eaze account around late feb iirc because it lowkey agonized me to not post freakshit :( i still get somewhat nervous around interactions, so my solution to that is to NEVER check my notifs 😭

sorry for the yap, but when it comes to posting your work on tumblr; i think tags would definitely be a great help !! while I'm fortunate enough to not receive any hate asks (so far), it's important to protect your space, so immediately delete and block those who send hateful messages like that <33 also, tag them accurately and add applicable content warnings !! it's only fair for those who don't like dark content to be properly warned beforehand <3

as for writing,,, uhm, i never really set out to learn how to write 😣😣 i fear i can't help with this, i think this is just an accumulation of the amount of words i consume everyday. i was exposed to wattpad at a young age, around 9 or 10 years old i think?? and my favorite books would be those scary two-sentence stories before i inevitably discovered bts fanfiction LMFAO. i read wattpad every day and every hour, i was stuck to my tablet like some freak. after wattpad i discovered bnha fanfiction on quotev so that's where i camped for a few years before discovering the holy grail that is ao3. reading has always been such a joy for me :DD !! <33 both fanfiction and published books. i love comics and mangas because they have words, and my attention span struggles when it comes to watching films so i never really got into film or media much.

however, when it comes to writing longer pieces, listening to music is a must for me - specifically songs that embody the theme of what I'm writing. i think the flow of words comes easier when you're in the zone because of music <33 when i was writing trivia: love, i remember the main two songs i was looping on spotify were trivia love by bts and take a chance with me by NIKI 😣😣💜💜

i fear i'm not the best at giving advice, but still i hope this helped in some way :'0

[silverofthunder]

☆ i'll wait for you ☆

Papa Emeritus IV x GN reader || AO3

summary: It was supposed to be only six months intership kind of thing. The original plan had been: go there, do you job and then leave. You weren't ready for any unwanted feelings to blossom. But then you met Copia and something changed. The walls around you started to crack little by little.

content: 3.2k words, gn!reader, hurt/comfort, fluff, romance, friends to lovers (kinda), bad attempt at humor, references to past abusive relationship (just mentioned that past has been difficult, mostly left open to interpretation)

I wasn't supposed to write for this fandom but my brain decided otherwise. 🙈 It's been about three years since I've last written anything so this isn't my best work, obviously. Nonetheless, I had missed writing so much and I really enjoyed writing this so I guess that's all that counts. ♡

”You should go!” your friend said, sounding way too excited. ”You said you wanted a change of scenery so this is your chance!”

You stared at the letter in your hand and then looked up at your friend. They nodded, smiling.

You shook your head, sighing. ”Okay, I guess I’ll do it then.”

And that’s how you found yourself standing in front of the Sister Imperator at the Ministry.

”Is everything clear now?”

”Yes, Sister,” you answered, taking a pile of books and papers from the table. ”One question --”

you were interrupted by the door opening and someone rushing in.

”You’re late,” Sister Imperator remarked, clearly a bit irritated. The man who had come in drew in a long breath, looking a bit apologetic and came to stand beside you.

”Copia, here is your assistant. I have given them short briefing, the rest is yours to decide.”

Your eyes met his mismatched ones and you smiled politely – or at least tried to smile. Copia returned the smile, then taking a slight bow.

”Pleased to meet you.”

The first few weeks were quite hectic as you tried your best to keep up with your assistant chores and stay as far from Sister Imperator as possible. There was something in her that made you feel so uncomfortable.

You were now walking in the garden outside, enjoying the short break you had been granted. It was nice to explore more of the Ministry area, and properly take it all in. You breathed in the fresh air, then slowly releasing it out.

At first you had thought that coming here had been a mistake but now it didn’t seem that bad. Copia had made you feel welcome and it was actually nice to work with him – or for him. He certainly was intriguing, and you couldn’t wait to get to know the man more.

You had also met the ghouls and they were a bit intimidating but also interesting creatures. So human-like but still not human. They hadn’t talked much, only looked at you with curiosity, and you took it that they didn’t mind you being there and working with Copia.

”Would you like to have a dinner with me today?” Copia asked quietly, and you nearly knocked over your ink bottle.

Oh shit, you cursed in your mind. It wasn’t an unusual question, so there was no need to react that way. But still, it had surprised you.

”It’s okay if you--”

”Yes, I would like that very much.”

You were afraid that you might have sounded too eager but Copia didn’t seem to notice anything. The smile was tugging at his lips as nodded slightly before burying himself in his work again. Something inside you jolted but you ignored it as you moved your gaze back to your papers, a small smile still plastered on your lips.

It became a habit, that you two ate dinner together. Soon you even started spending more time together outside of work and you could easily admit that you enjoyed Copia’s company. He was kind, funny and slightly awkward but it only made him more endearing.

You two grew closer day by day, and so grew the feeling somewhere deep within you. At first you you just ignored it, thinking it was just some temporary glitch in your system.

But you knew what it was. And you knew it most likely wouldn’t go away.

Something you weren’t yet ready for had started to blossom.

You couldn’t sleep so you decided to go to the part of the Ministry library that had become your favorite. You sat down on the chair and and switched on the lamp on the table next to it.

For a moment you just sat there and then you unlocked your phone, searching for one secific conversation. You didn’t need to read it again since it all was still clear as a day in your head but you still went through the messages.

It hurt to read them. It always did. Not so much nowadays but the pain was still there, nonetheless. You were pretty sure it would never truly go away, no matter how much time passed.

A few tears fell to your cheeks as you closed the conversation, locking the phone. Sudden rustling startled you and you almost dropped you phone.

”Sorry, tesoro, didn’t mean to scare you,” Copia’s familiar, soothing voice made you relax. You quickly wiped away the tears and turned to look at him.

”Hi,” you said, attempting to smile. ”What are you doing here?”

Copia didn’t answer straight away, he looked at you with concern and you shifted on the chair.

”What’s troubling you, my dear?”

You sighed, looking straight into his eyes. You hadn’t really spoke about your past, especially your painful past, and only a few of your friends and your parents knew what you had gone through. Copia seemed genuinely worried, he pulled another chair closer, sat down and took your hands in his.

”It’s a long story,” you stated. ”And not a pretty story.”

Copia’s brows furrowed as he squeezed your hands.

”We have all night.”

The plan had been very clear: go to the Ministry, do your job and then leave. There wasn’t supposed to be any unwanted feelings involved. Your love life had been a bitch in the past and you had sworn that you had no time for crushes or anything like that.

But it seemed that dear Satan had another plan for you and now you had to deal with an undeniable crush on Copia. The sweetest man you had ever met. Who, despite now knowing about your past, had not run as far as he could or had not called the whole internship thing off. Who still treated you with the same respect as he had done straight from the start.

Basically it seemed like nothing had changed – maybe there hadn’t on his side. But what came to you… Everything had changed.

And it scared the hell out of you.

”Keep your eyes closed,” Copia instructed and you kept your eyes closed, excitement bubbling at the bottom of your stomach. You could hear Copia moving in front of you, mumbling something and letting out some quiet funny noices every once in a while.

”Now it’s all set, open your eyes.”

You did as was told and the sight before you took you by surprise. On the ground there was a blanket with plates, wine glasses and a basket full of food on it. The lights on the trees casted a faint glow upon it and before them opened up a lovely lake view. For a moment you couldn’t do anything but stare at the whole setting.

”It might be too much but I--”

”No, it’s beautiful, I…” you trailed off and took a hold of Copia’s hands, your gaze meeting his. Copia shifted slightly, and you pulled him closer, freeing your other hand and lifting it up to brush you fingers along his cheek.

The look in Copia’s eyes softened as he leaned into your touch.

”I just want to know. Why? Why all of this?” your voice was barely a whisper.

”You really haven’t realized it yet?” Copia sounded almost hurt and you shook you head, a knot forming in your stomach.

Of course you had your suspicions. The way Copia had acted around you, the slight touches, the softness in his gaze, the moments you had caught him staring at you and the faintest of red had started to adorn his cheeks and ears.

You weren’t ready for this, voicing the feelings part. It was too hard.

”Can we just… not talk about it now?” you pleaded, cupping Copia’s face. The look in Copia’s eyes was devastating and it made your heart break a little. But you knew he understood.

”Let’s just enjoy this now,” you suggested, caressing Copia’s cheeks with your thumbs. ”I need more time.”

Copia offered you a sad smile, nodding. You really hadn’t much time since the internship was about to end in two months. But for now, you didn’t want anything to change.

”I really don’t deserve you.”

Sighing Copia wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in a hug. It felt a like comforting blanket but also like you were letting something huge go.

Why were feelings so hard?

”You did what?!” your friend basically screeched at the other end of the line. ”Oh god, you’re such an idiot!”

”Thanks, that really made me feel better,” you remarked while pacing in your room.

”Oh, sorry, but honestly, what’s the problem?”

”You know what’s this all about.”

Your friend let out an angry sigh and you tried not to laugh. They were so dramatic sometimes.

”You can’t let your past define your future. From what you’ve told, it seems like he really likes you and you definitely like him back. He’s a good man, right?”

”Yes, he seems to be. Too good even,” you answered, a small smile tugging at your lips. Your friend let out a little laugh.

”I can hear you smiling.”

”I’m not,” you tried, knowing well your friend wouldn’t buy it.

”Sure you’re not. Honestly, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”

That was a good question and you really had no sensible answer.

”He could break my heart?”

You could hear your friend try to keep it together. They drew in a long breath, slowly releasing it.

”That’s the risk you’ve got to take when it comes to love.”

”Yeah...” you said quietly, knowing that your friend was right.

For the past few weeks hadn’t been easy. Copia seemed to avoid you – or at least keep more distance – and your conversations had shortened greatly. He still seemed to be a bit hurt by your rejection, though you didn’t count it as a proper rejection. Now, whenever you two were on the same room, he looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself and it made your heart ache. A part of you wanted to just go and comfort him and the other part was holding onto the walls around you that had started to crack.

You had around six weeks left and everything was a mess. The ghouls were sending very intimidating and hard glances at you when you happened to pass them by. They were pretty protective of Copia and now you basically had given them a reason to be on the alert. They hadn’t seemed to mind about you at first and you didn’t see them that often but now a few of them seemed to keep a closer eye on you.

It was just your luck that everything had gone to south. You kicked a stone in the ground while walking on the yard and cursed in your mind.

”What did that stone do to you?”

The question made you jump and you turned around fast, meeting Copia’s slightly amused gaze. Your brain short-circuited and for a moment you just stared at him.

”Nothing”, you answer after a while, now mentally kicking yourself. Copia hummed, stepping closer to you until he was standing right in front of you. Your heart rate sped up a bit and you could feel the warmth on your cheeks.

”Tesoro mio…” Copia started quietly. ”I’m sorry I’ve been a bit distant lately.”

”It’s my fault. I…” you trailed off, shaking your head.

”I never meant to scare you. It was too much and too soon.”

Copia’s eyes were filled with emotion and your heart stung.

”It’s just… My past… I’m afraid I get hurt again.”

Copia seemed to hold back tears and it made you tear up.

”I could never hurt you. Not like that.”

You closed your eyes, tears starting to flow. Hands took a hold of yours but you didn’t dare to open your eyes.

”I’ll wait for you.”

For now, that was all you needed to hear and you took a step forward, wrapping your arms around Copia.

You were going through papers, reading some parts here and there but the text seemed blurred. It was no wonder as you had slept badly for the past few nights as the nightmares had plagued you.

”It’s third time you go through the same pile”, Copia stated, worry evident in his voice. ”You seem tired. Have you not slept at all?”

You checked the papers again and he was right, you had already organized them. No wonder everything had looked so alike. With a loud sigh you dropped your head onto the table.

”The nightmares have started again so no, I haven’t really slept.”

”Again?”

”They come and go. Usually they bother me for a few nights and then it might be several weeks before they come again”, you explained, lifting your head up and meeting Copia’s eyes. The look in them was filled with worry.

”Is it…?” Copia didn’t finish the question, he didn’t need to. You just nodded.

”Can I help somehow?”

”Maybe…” you started, hesitating a bit. ”...if you could stay the next night with me?”

The look in Copia’s eyes softened, a small smile tugging at his lips.

”I can do that, though I’m not sure if that actually helps.”

You shrugged, flashing Copia a slight grin. ”Well, we won’t know if we don’t try it, right?”

Copia laughed.

”I guess the floor is mine, then.”

Your eyes widened as Copia grinned and you grabbed some trash from the table and threw it at him. He pretended to be offended by that.

”You… old man! You’re definitely sleeping on the floor.”

Copia shook his head in amusement before standing up and coming to you. You had no time to react as he pulled you up and lifted you up. You grabbed onto his shoulders as he spun you two around, your laughter echoing in the room.

This was it. This was how you wanted everything to be. Or at least a part of you wanted.

As Copia finally let you down, your eyes met again. The warmth in his eyes made your heart soar, awakening the part you had wanted to keep asleep.

The part that wanted to kiss him so badly.

You stepped away from him, still smiling, and the moment was gone.

Even thought it wasn’t supposed to happen, that night you still ended up sleeping in the same bed. Copia’s arms where wrapped around you, his breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

There was no nightmares that night, only cozy warmth, peace and safety.

”So are you two now together or what?” your friend sounded confused on the phone.

”No, we’re not together,” you said. ”It’s complicated but everything is well now. We can have fun and just be us like we used to be before… you know.”

”Okay… But you just said that you have been sharing a bed with him? And you’re just friends?”

”Yes and yes.”

”Alright… That’s really confusing,” your friend stated. ”But I’m happy that you seem to be doing better now.”

”Me too.”

There was a short moment of silence before your friend spoke again.

”Have you thought about what’s gonna happen when your internship ends? There’s only like… three weeks left, right?”

”Three weeks, yes,” you confirmed. ”No, I haven’t really thought about it.”

Your friend let out a long sigh.

”You should think about it. And goddammit, make your move already or I will come there and kick your stupid asses!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that threat.

”I was about to make a move some time ago,” you admitted and your friend screeched so loud your ear hurt.

”What?! What do you mean?”

”We had a… moment and we were pretty close and I almost… kissed him. I mean I wanted to kiss him, but didn’t.”

”Dammit, you oaf! Oh god, I’m probably gonna get a heart attack before anything happens between you two.”

”That’s possible,” you laughed. ”Okay, I need to go now, I will call you again at some point.”

”Yeah, go to your man! Bye!”

Shaking your head smiling you said your goodbyes and hung up.

The days went by fast and ending of the internship had now come. You had spent as much time with Copia as possible and it had been amazing. It was hard to explain how you felt with him. Even though you hadn’t been easy to be with, he had stayed. If something would have made people run away from you, it would have been your past.

But not Copia. He had taken your past as a part of you, understanding the weight of it on your shoulders.

Falling in love was supposed to be a beatiful thing but to you it had been one of the greatest fears for several years. And now you had had to face that fear, try to open your heart and break the walls around you.

It wasn’t easy when your heart wanted one thing and the head told the opposite. But maybe, just maybe, you had started to see the beauty of falling in love again.

I’ll wait for you.

That had been a promise you never expected to hear. And it might have changed the course of everything.

As you now stood outside the Ministry, all your luggages beside your feet, waiting for your ride to arrive, you felt sad and like you were doing something you shouldn’t do. You had to admit that you really didn’t want to leave. Even though it hadn’t been easy, you still had enjoyed being there. It had been quite an experience, opening pages in your book you thought would never be opened again.

The car pulled over and the driver came to help you with the luggages.

”Trying to leave without saying goodbye?”

A small smile rose to your lips as you turned around, seeing Copia standing by the Ministry doors hands behind his back. Your heart ached as this was it.

The moment you had dreaded.

You asked the driver to wait for a moment and walked over to Copia, noticing the hint of sadness in his gaze. You two hadn’t still spoken about what you were and you knew that now was the time to make some things clear.

”Copia…” you started, cupping his face gently. He leaned into your touch, the look in his eyes changing hopeful as he set his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. You breathed slowly in, the mild, familiar scent of Copia filling your senses, comforting you.

You lingered in the moment because you didn’t want to let go. And neither did Copia, it seemed, as he just tightened his hold of you and rested his forehead against yours.

”Please…” he whispered.

Your heart made a little jump in your chest as you knew what he wanted. You pulled slightly back so you could look at him in the eyes. And that was the moment when all your doubts seemed to vanish and you let your heart make the decision.

With a fluttering heart you finally leaned in and kissed him. You felt Copia basically melt against you, his arms sliding around you, and it made you smile into the kiss.

A sudden clearing of throat broke your moment and you parted, both smiling in awe. Unfortunately it was time for you to go.

”I’ll come back”, you promised as you started to walk backwards towards the car.

Copia nodded, his face radiating happiness.

”I’ll wait for you.”

[stupidcanofpeaches]

Holy shit your fic (No alarms and no surprises) is scary good and I’m screaming over it, I can’t sit still I keep thinking and thinking about it. It’s consuming me (it’s also keeping my fixation on mouthwashing alive, mostly it’s really doing a lot to keep my mind on mouthwashing) Like how are you so good at writing I swear it’s way too good. My gut genuinely twists and clenches while reading certain parts, and the whirl wind of emotions I go through reading it is agghhhhhhh hopeful, anger, sadness fear disgust so many emotions running through my body at once I simply cant keep still.The visuals are gorgeous and they way you write the characters feels so real like real people but the characters themselves at the same time. It’s all so genuine and human it amazes- baffles- me. All in all you write so eloquently.

also id like to say I have 600 visits on your fic (im going insane- probably , most likely, or I already am) I could’ve commented this on Ao3 tbh but does it matter really? Idk- also sorry if this is poorly written 😅

ohhh thank you so much!! glad you enjoyed the fic! ive had a lot of fun writing it lol

especially happy to hear that the characters are still themselves bc it is kind of an out there scenario so i was uhhh actually really worried about that. but so far the feedback was really positive!

although the fact that the writing comes off as vivid also makes me very happy. no alarms is currently the largest fic ive ever written and also probably the only work of this size that i managed to update consistently. here's hoping it will continue this way! probably will, i still have more ideas for it. i really like the way my writing style is shaping up so im really really grateful to all the people that have left comments saying how much they like it as well! ahhh sweet sweet validation

thank you for sending me your love and also thank you for reading the fic!!

[robotnuts]

are there any rvb fics you still think about all the time? like i dont think a week goes by without thinking abt qed and how it def changed me on a molecular level, do you have any fics like that?

oooh good question. the most important fic is at the bottom of this post so just scroll to the final paragraph if you only want one, true recommendation of the only rvb fic that really matters.

QED is fantastic though its more of @shotgunslap's thing than mine. the partner to that is also obviously QoQ, the only rvb fic ive been able to make almost all my friends read. i think about the south/north characterization every day of my life. caboose and carolina mean so much to me, etc etc. thats a pretty easy pick though so im cracking into my ao3 bookmarks to look for more niche picks.

i know there was actually a lot of rvb fic that was just posted to tumblr that i think ive gone back and tried to reblog at some points but i never organized it, i should have archived it, people who wrote good femslash and rvb women liked to just post it under a readmore on their tumblrlog and you have to go digging through decades old tags to find it now

okay. the big one i actually do still think about all the time forever and ever is saltsanford's stuff about epsilon/wash's relationship. this is the big one i still think about that centers on their backstory, but also, put my guns in the ground, which is one of the Big fandom tuckington longfics, also has such good washpilon stuff in it and they're so fucking juicy. when tucker asks wash how many times he's broken his ribs and he says four and epsilon says "actually it was five" before realizing How Bad of a Move that would be. Hello? Hello?????? i want them to be forced to reimplant and have weird mind brain trauma sex SO BAD sorry im normal. this is another one that takes place during/after the chorus era

on the spectrum of fics that i actually dont yet feel ashamed reccomending, primtheamazing, who wrote QoQ, also wrote some other good stuff. i am a HUGE fan of this fusion fic, the punchline to the tucker/caboose fusion is HYSTERICAL. this one where grif forgets who simmons is due to temple shennanigans and flirts with him is also very like. trope-y but i like that shit so this goes here too

ok. now onto the stuff that it is actively embarrassing for me to be recommending. but. prim's logrimmons fic is hysterical and was the stepping stone to creating the lolixgrimmons mind palaces with my friends so its worth it just for that. but also its really fucking funny. so is the one where locus has to listen to them have sex and gets himself caught

the truly embarrassing one for me to have here is the piece of softboy grimmons content i participate in. sadly i do enjoy s15 content sometimes for the softboy grif sensitive emotions exploration i will admit to being a hypocrite there and i really liked that one and reread it frequently (just realized this is written by the QED person so! you might already know of it)

and then finally. the most important red vs blue fanfiction of all time, guns are for shooting. it has it all. sarge. washington. sarge again. kismesisitude. grif and simmons acting like rosencrantz and guildenstern (are dead). locus being invisible and getting caught by lopez with a bag of flour. it's written by the person who wrote QED. You want to read it right now. Read it right now. READ IT RIGHT N

wait no the cute bit about sarge declaring war on gravity and upending a bag of flour onto lopez isnt in guns for shooting. what fic is that from

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 10.16.2024

I keep meaning to do these on Tuesdays and they keep leaking over onto Wednesdays. Oh well. I'm going to keep striving for Tuesdays because I really don't want them leaking onto Thursdays.

Anyway, Bleach Returns! Week is over and I'm pretty happy with how I did. I got 4 artworks and two fanfics done: you can see all of my contributions here. I do have a little bit of Bonus Content to one of them that I am still hoping to finish up, but we'll see. I sort of lost my momentum entirely the minute I finished up that last fanfic, so if I don't get back to it, it won't be the end of the world for me.

I'm spending this week trying to get caught back up on stuff, both irl and online. I'm working on my ao3 inbox, which got woefully behind again, for which I am very sorry. My Tumblr drafts are also...substantial...again, but that's no one's problem but my own.

I am finally ready to actually get ready to work on a little in love again. I even looked at my notes and outline! The outline was a lot more filled in than I remembered it being, but I also somehow expected to get through act iv in 9 chapters which seems a little...spare to me. I took a break from reading Pride and Prejudice because my hold on The Goblin Emperor came in at the library, but it was worth it because I loved it and it was also Relevant to The Vibe. I keep trying to convince myself that I don't really need to re-read the first three acts of alil, but I am pretty sure that I do. I think I should finish up P&P about the same time I get the inbox taken care of, so that ought to line up pretty well.

I currently have about 8500 words from the last time I tried to work on this story, in various states of ready-for-primetime-ness. Sometime between now and next week, I hope to get sort of a baseline established so that I can start doing wordcounts again.

Oh, yeah, wordcounts. I have a spreadsheet where I keep track of how much actual writing I do (vs posting, which is what ao3 tracks and often isn't actually indicative of when I did the work). For the last two years, I have written about 110k per year, and I thought I had been doing pretty good this year, but it turns out I am only at 90k at the moment, so I would really like it if I could get at least another 20k by the end of the year. That seems pretty doable except for the fact that my Decembers are always shit, but maybe this one will be different! lolololol

I am really proud of how much drawing I have done recently, because I hadn't really done very at all this year. I'd like to try and keep that momentum, even if it's just doing a bit of a scribble every day from my art club prompts. Who knows, we'll see. I always found the banners for a little in love to be incredibly fun to do, and I'm looking forward to the possibility of making a couple of new ones.

[nexfarious]

hi! i finished binging dq recently and i wanted to share some of my thoughts bc the brainrot it has given me is literally insane like. You dont understand. i didnt want to put this probably gigantic block of text in the ao3 comments so i figured id send it here so you can decide if you want it posted or not!

back to the topic i need to put thief in a blender (said with as much affection as possible btw). theyre soo painfully realistic and have a very unique perspective on the killing game which isnt rlly explored in fanfics so im eating it up! their talent is so cool and i cant wait to see them use it more later on. i also love how despite their paranoia and distrust they are still. Kind. Like they still reached out to ryouma and it literally saved his life!!!!! btw i think not killing him off in ch2 was a really good writing choice bc i think him dying after That scene with thief would just destroy them entirely -but on the topic of ryouma! im very glad you decided to give more spotlight to characters that werent given much of it in canon (or fanon ngl). him and tsumugi are characters that im rlly interested in but the game straight up gave them next to nothing, which i guess is very usual for danganronpa but yknow. Its still disappointing

thief and saiharas relationship makes me want to use both of them as a chew toy bc theyre so. So!!!!! im literally obsessed w them. we are still pretty early in the killing game but so many of their moments are already rotating in my mind At All Times. from the detective/criminal dynamic, to how much they care abt each other (thief obviously having a soft spot for shu despite not trusting people is soooo cute i need them gone). though that one scene in ch19 (i think?) where its said that their situation wld be considered romantic if it thief didnt have a knife at his throat is Life Changing and ive been thinking abt it so much -the contrast is just so good and the scene itself is so sad. also "Maybe this really was truly Shuichi, another side reflected to all of you, gleaming in the light like shards of a prism. Maybe you couldn’t see all of the sides right now, in this moment, but what you could see was so wonderful, spots danced in the back of your eyes." is such a beautifully written paragraph but the fact that thief thought this in the middle of a trial is so hilarious to me but i still support them. sometimes you really need to admire your Friend in a life or death situation to be able to push through. I get it

ok enough of those two. i love how you take the time to explore thief's relationships w other people as well. the break up scene between them and tsumugi had me blankly staring at my screen for good 30 seconds i think. the brief thief/ouma collab was great as well. i already mentioned ryouma but he is so dear to me head in hands.......cant wait for ch3 to physically beat the shit out of me

i have more thoughts but i also think this is too long already so ill stop it here. anyways i love your writing so much and im looking forward to more of dq! take care of yourself and have a nice day/night!

hi umm . this ask destroyed me emotionally, threw me out the window and then stole my lunch money /pos

this is genuinely so so lovely to read, i can’t believe you would take the time out of your day to come and tell me what you think of my fic,,, that’s so sweet <3

thief is my little freak whom i need to microwave at the highest temperatures. i think a lot of people should be more selfish in the killing game tbh, there’s a lot of characters who are ready to throw away everything for each other, i mean even a lot of the killers have selfless motives (kirumi, kaede) which is totally fine but!!! where my selfish bitches at where are the guys who just want to survive. despite all their paranoia though, they are a good person at heart which is something i’ve always found compelling in writing them.

WHY DIDN’T RYOMA LIVE IN CANON!!! you’re telling me a major theme of the game is overcoming yourself and pushing through despite hopelessness and then you just . kill off the other guy who’s canonically suicidal? it kinda left a bad taste in my mouth tbh. “oh you have nothing left to live for? die” i love ryoma i love mugi (obviously) and they deserve better than what the game gave them

they haven’t had much time for each other because we’re not even halfway through the game but UGH thiefhara means so much to me . thief wants to keep everyone at arm’s length but is actually way too soft to go through with it because there’s a detective with pretty eyes (which is so real btw) . i cant tell you anything about the plot but let it be known that chapter three is gonna have quite a few important moments in their relationship!!!

tbh the knife scene was something i just came up with as i was writing and thought “yeah okay that would be funny” and now people seem to love it,,, good thing i love it too

thief’s friends are so incredibly important to me btw . tsumugi who just wanted to be their friend but was rejected and has turned to angie and tenko, ryoma who still doesn’t have a reason to keep going but wants to try because there is someone who cares enough to reach out, kokichi (derogatory/with love), kaede who betrayed them in thief’s mind and still haunts them - someone who broke their trust after they went out on a line for someone, kaito whom i need thief to spend more time with because honestly he deserves more scenes

i hope chapter three slam dunks you into another dimension anon (said with so much sincerity and love), we got major canon divergence incoming ^-^

ANYWAY !!! don’t ever apologise for sending me your thoughts it’s actively encouraged and motivates me to write!! if you ever have anything more to say you are more than welcome to leave a comment or another ask i promise it makes me giggle and do a little spin in my chair of evil . hope you’re doing well too anon

[aanau]

im bout to be real controversial but ive never cared for zuko. i like and appreciate him as a well written character but i only like him in the context of making fun of what a doofus he is because i honestly just think that’s what he is. i find him kinda pathetic in a funny enjoyable way even tho i simultaneously appreciate his arc is iconic and well written. he’s w good character who i don’t exactly love as much as other people do but i have full respect for people’s love of him.

but i never got super into avatar fandom and im reminded why as i engage more with fanfic and discussion.

and heres where i start to get more outright resentful towards zuko and his fans: the aang hate and apathy.

lets look at ao3. all i want is some fic exploring aang’s perspectives as a victim of genocide. perhaps, how did he feel losing appa in the desert, his last link to his original family? how was it adapting to a world without airbenders? what grief did he go through? After hours of searching and playing with tags and filters, finding that i needed to blacklist anything ZUKO related COMPLETELY and STILL couldn’t find anything that wasn’t either an OC AU or somehow still related back to ZUKO ANGST.

and then people also shit on aang and praise zuko and call aang annoying when tbh i find zuko fucking annoying sometimes? like hes such a little bitch boy sometimes and he does way more unforgiveable shit than aang ever comes close to doing, but he has a great redemption arc and I love that he’s forgiven so it’s fine! but aang says revenge is bad once and refuses to kill a man at 12 years old and everyone loses their shit on him.

like im sorry. Zuko is an awesome character. Genuinely. But im so over fandoms obsession with him.

[obsessifriend]

Wassup I've written cringe MilLouise fanfiction for my beloved followers (shoutout to all 5 of you). Its 4 chapters, finished, and clocks in at about 5000 words. Here's the AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67163557/chapters/173443111

And Ive put the full version under the cut as well for anyone who's not about that AO3 life and would prefer to read it here:

1

Louise had been staying in a Air B&B for two nights already. It was the 25th birthday of a friend from university, and they were doing a historical themed quarter century birthday bash in the Republic of Ireland near his hometown. Louise had been given a lift by a mutual friend she didn’t really know, and there wasn’t a lot by way of packing space in the rented car, so she only really had the one outfit - a homemade costume (sort of) like Amelia Earhart's pilot gear from her final flight. Unfortunately, she hadn’t really considered that she would therefore also be dressed as a pilot whilst going to the shops, but such is life. The party was thumping hard constantly, and she hadn't slept much in two days. She had also drunk probably her body weight in alcohol, and knew that if she stopped the hangover might kill her. She'd had a little taste of it that morning in fact, so had started drinking at 11AM, not long after she woke up, to keep it at bay. Whilst an unwise life choice, it was five days until everyone went home, and presumably all this wouldn't last much longer. The birthday boy wanted to explore the town and stuff too, so hopefully one more night, and everyone would have a massive hangover for a day, and then it'd turn into sober fun. She had actually been looking forward to a tour of the castle they’d booked for the second to last day. Partying wasn’t a particularly comfortable state for her, but it was too loud to sleep anyway, so at least she was coping.

To get to the house she was staying at, you had to pass the only other house on the weird private road, which was also a Air B&B presumably owned by the same people, as a lot of the outdoor furniture was identical. In the brief periods of time she'd spent passing by, she'd seen birthday banners and big colourful wigs on people. They seemed pretty friendly, and anyone using the outside area usually shouted hello when she passed. It was hard to tell how late into the night the neighboring house’s partying went on, when her own group were playing music at all hours anyway.

It was now about midday, and she'd already had three drinks with no breakfast. And obviously you don't know her, but Amy makes cocktails at least 50% spirit. Louise was feeling both good and bad at the same time. Buzzed, but she felt a bit crappy in general and her abdomen hurt a lot, which she had initially put down to not sleeping and drinking too much (although that will of course have factored in). Then, she realised it was actually period pain. Her period remained a complete surprise to her each month, even now in her early twenties, because she forgot to fill out her period tracker every single time. This week probably wasn't going to be the week she finally remembered. Each month she would go through the same irritating signs and symptoms - putting them all down to different causes until the blood came. Which it had. She went to get up out of the weird chair she'd sat in like a lump while people handed her drinks, and her legs didn't work immediately. Bit dizzy, but not too bad. Her bathroom was upstairs as she'd bagged an on suite by arriving early, and she held very firmly onto the railing climbing the stairs. She fortunately had only bled through her underwear, and she had 4 spare pairs because she'd planned to shit herself and/or roll down a hill at least once a day. She had one singular bottom of the bag sanitary pad in her backpack, which somehow had a penny enclosed in the wrapper. Would have to do.

There was literally one corner shop in the whole town, and she was really hoping they sold pads or something, otherwise she'd have to find someone sober enough to drive her somewhere. Not likely. The two houses were on a really steep hill - of course - and she half rolled half walked down to the base in what she hoped was a really cool and nonchalant way. The big wig people waved and shouted hello, she did the same back.

The corner shop was really not that big, and had a miniscule ‘female hygiene’ section next to the baby products. They only sold day pads. Only day pads. What do they think happens at night? Do they think women are werewolves? Four near identical tampon products (all also for daytime usage) and no night pads. The sheets on her bed are fucking white as well. She purchases two packets of fucking day pads, some paracetamol, and a weird blue sports drink she uses to immidiately take two paracetamol tablets. She then immediately regrets not checking if you can take paracetamol while drinking, and hastily googles it on her phone whilst obliviously blocking the path of a long suffering employee. The NHS says its sort of mostly safe, thank fuck. She only took two tablets, so will probably live. She retreats back towards the house, panting ungracefully and turning quite purple going up the 75 degree hill.

A new group of wig people she doesn’t recognise from twenty minutes prior are day drinking on the picnic bench outside the neighboring house, including a girl with a platinum blonde wig she definitely hadn't seen before. She'd waved, shouted hello as per usual, and then realised it wasn't a wig - that was just her hair. Blondie got up and shouted hello back, with a comically overdone wave. And Louise finally looked at her face, and it’s only fucking Millie from school. In rural fucking Ireland. Ireland. Millie from school. Ireland. What the fuck? Millie started running down the steps from the second house, and nearly knocked her over with a hug so tight it hurt. She leaned forward to counteract Millie's weight, and when she finally let go, Louise fell right over on her front. The pads cascaded gloriously down the hill, and Millie ran to get them. Louise thought that maybe she just wouldn't get up ever again, so she didn't. Lying flat on her back, Millie tipped her head down into Louise’s blurred and laggy field of vision, upside down and with her hair dangling.

“Come on, get up.”

Millie offered her a hand.

“Shant. Won't. Can't.”

Millie sat, legs either side of Louise’s head. Louise was not ready for any of this. Exasperated, she asked “Why are you even here, Millie?”

“Birthday in the family, my folks live about an hour away, they used this house like once a year for four or so years in a row. It’s nice here.”

Really? If it's anything like Louise’s, nothing works properly, and there's like drawers that open into the handle of other drawers and shit. Poorly thought out home design flowed in intangible, half baked still images throughout her mind.

“Are you okay?”

Louise's thoughts were really slow, and she couldn't remember what Millie had said previously.

“Let's get you up,” she faced away and shouted something at the other picnic table people, ”Come on.”

Millie and several other people moved her wriggling form into a room in the house that wasn't hers. She was pretty sure it wasn't her house. The picnic people were talking, but Louise was looking at what appeared to be a wicker chair. A wicker chair. The darndest thing. And her bedsheets were weird and floral, like embroidered? Threads were pulling away from the main threadness, and she went to pull on them, but her fingers weren't grabby enough.

2

She'd blinked a little bit, and everything was suddenly dark and warm. She hadn't remembered hooking up with anyone, but there was something people shaped with her. She tried not to move the people shaped thing’s adjacent limbs. The blanked duvet thing was really rough and thready - she actually quite liked the texture of it - and she had at least one arm over her. Or three. No, one. She slowly and gradually extracted her phone from her pocket, which was unfortunately dead, but someone else's phone on the nightstand just in reach told her it was about three in the morning. The backlit screen blasted her retinas, and she shut it off as soon as she possibly could. She had a splitting headache as well. A flash of a helpful memory - putting some paracetamol into her trouser pocket - breezed through her mind, and she fished it out slowly, chewed, and swallowed it dry. Tasted fucking horrible. She was so hungry, and thirsty, and she really needed to pee. Oh, she was going to have to try and get up and out of the arm’s grip, because she was never getting back to sleep so uncomfortable. Except that she then suddenly woke up again three hours later, dreams of weird Millie from school and, strangely, poorly thought out drawers all dissolving in the first few moments. And her head hurt again, but not so badly, and the room was really light and her eyes hurt too. Something kissed her cheek.

“Goodmorning!”

Too fucking loud. Everything was too fucking loud, and she really needed to pee.

“Sorry, gotta go to the bathroom really now.”

Louise sprinted out of the room, then sprinted back in when she realised she didn't know where it was. Millie anticipated what her next sentence would have been.

“Second door on the right.”

Louise had now bled through her trousers - her only pair of trousers. She had pajama shorts and a spare tshirt back in her room, but they weren't exactly socially acceptable attire for a fancy dress party. Fucking hell. This trip hadn't exactly been a success all round to be honest. And she'd probably bled through Millie's sheets as well. She moped her way back to the room. Louise was feeling pretty ashamed, and possibly should have an actual polite conversation instead of crawling into a dark hole to die or passing out, especially given Millie had been helping her. And given she'd probably gotten Millie in trouble with the Air B&B people by bleeding everywhere. She loomed in the doorway until Millie looked up at her, then began.

“So… hi?”

“Hi. So, how are you then?”

“Right now, not so good. You?”

“Not so bad.”

“Thanks for helping me, for the record. Appreciate it.”

“No problem.”

They blinked at each other a few times.

“So,” Millie sat up and dangled her legs over the edge of the bed, “I know it's like six in the morning, but do you want breakfast?”

“God, yes.”

Millie sat up, and Louise sighed with relief. Millie had put a towel under them. thank fuck for that. She was always smart, crazy, but smart. Louise went and lifted a bit - blood on thw towel, but not underneath. Actually thank fuck.

“Thanks, uh, for,” She gestured, “That. I thought I was going to have gotten you in trouble for sure.”

“Always scheming.”

Weird answer.

Millie's house was actually so much nicer than theirs. No Air B&B has any sense that it's lived in or well thought out, but it was leaning more towards that than any she’d ever been in before. The kitchen area was also actually big enough for the amount of people the house slept - Louise's had a tiny kitchen with enough bedrooms for twenty people. Part of the reason she hadn't eaten much over the past few days was that there was always at least one idiot in there in the way, and she couldn't get to the fridge or the cooking stations. She’d gone to the local chinese thrice in two days, and the lady at the desk had literally said “See you tomorrow!” the most recent time. Millie waved her over to a cupboard.

“Right, so, we've got cereal, or pancake mix, or, uh, these,” Millie picked up and showed her some kind of beige squares that were just loose in a bag with no packaging, “Or, I think there's bread for toast and eggs in the fridge.”

“Six bowls of your finest cereal, please.”

Louise took the cereal box from the cupboard, and Millie handed her a bowl pulled from thin air. Louise opened random drawers, some possibly more than once, until she found a teaspoon. Louise winced at the sound the drawers made each time they shut, and Millie seemed amused. They only had cornflakes. Louise distinctly remembered being extremely disappointed with cornflakes as a child - not realising they weren't sugared like frosted flakes - but as an adult they were actually alright. She stopped inhaling them midway through bowl three, and began polite conversation.

“So, how'd things work out for you, then?”

“Not too bad. Not too bad. Still in Seymour's bay. I'm a police officer. I've got a flat kind of near, uh, the roundabout? Not a great description. Oh, near where Rudy used to live! You?”

Complicated question. And of course Millie was in the police force.

“Well, it didn't work out like I was expecting. I'm not really where I wanted to be at this stage in my life, but things aren't so bad.”

“Didn't I hear that you went off to some fancy college?”

“Well, yes. I've got a degree in financial management that I’ve never really used. Dad - my dad - got taken off his feet because he broke his leg trying to, would you believe it, rescue a lamb from a pond. Anyway, so I came back to cover him at the restaurant because I'd just left uni and didn't have anything immediate lined up, and I just kind of never left.”

Millie looked down at her cereal, and tried to hide her smile.

“So… you’re in Seymour’s Bay too. Cool, cool. You know, I'd always presumed you'd take over the restaurant. Provided it kept going, that is, I'd heard rumours it was closing on at least four occasions.”

“We like to keep people on their toes.”

This time, Millie did smile.

“Right. So how long have you been back?”

“I don't know, like 6 months? Maybe a year? Somewhere between those?”

“Weird that I haven't seen you. I still pop into the restaurant sometimes. Not that it was ever the same without you.”

Millie cringed at herself, then tried to play it off by looking out the window.

“Well, I haven't been committing a lot of crime since I got back. Mostly busy with burger stuff.”

Millie smiled again, and Louise decided to stop after three bowls of cereal.

“Not to be that guy - but do you have any clothes I can borrow? I'll try my hardest not to bleed on them.”

“Sure, I'll pick some out for you.”

“Mind if I shower?”

“That's fine, same room as the toilet.”

Louise and Millie were blatantly different sizes, but oh well. The outfit Louise had put together included a belt, so at least nothing would fall down. Louise guiltily left her bowl in the otherwise uncluttered sink, and followed Millie back to her room, then on to the bathroom. The shower was really fucking cold. Both houses had a weird electric water heater, and you had to preheat it overnight for hot water in the morning, which presumably no one here had needed to do. First shower in like three days, and she at least felt a bit better for it. Whatever products someone had left in there smelt quite nice too.

She scampered back to Millie's room naked and afraid like some kind of shell-less hermit crab. She knocked, and then whisper shouted “Close your eyes please, I'm coming in.”

“Closed.”

Louise probably hadn't worn a colour since she turned fourteen, so it was a change. She'd been emo for like three years, then settled on vaguely formal greyscale for uni to fit in with the other businessy people. All of Millie's clothes were bright pastel colours, and Louise felt deeply uncomfortable in denim shorts and a bright pink crop top with ‘slay’ printed on it. Oh well, don't look a gift outfit in the pockets or whatever.

“Okay, thanks, I'm dressed.”

“You look so weird.”

“Thanks, such a confidence booster.”

“Can you put the goggle hat back on? It looks cute.”

Bit weird, but Louise put the hat back on with a dramatic obligatory sigh.

“Thanks for everything - I really do mean it.”

“You're welcome, and anyway, it's really good to see you again. I cant believe we've not crossed paths since you've been back!”

Had Louise known Millie was still local, she would probably have put effort into actively avoiding her, but she hadn't really thought about Millie in a few years. And she didn't seem so bad, at least not yet. Could still be completely unhinged. Louise went to check the time, and her phone which was dead earlier surprised her by still being out of battery.

“You got the time?”

Millie checked her phone.

“Like, quarter to eight. Everyone else will probably start getting up soon.”

“Do you want me to go? I don't want to encroach on your getaway.”

“No, it's fine, and my mum might even be pleased to see you.”

It was weird seeing Millie, and feeling like she owed her for the help (ew), but the quiet was nice. She could hear the faint uninviting pump of music from her house even then, and she'd already been through the worst of the hangover, so not much point going back to drinking. And she didn't want to go back to drinking anyway, she'd had more than enough of that lifestyle. And she really didn't want to be sober among her drunk friends, that's even worse.

“Okay, thanks, mind if I stay for a bit?”

“I'd love that.”

“Have you got a USB C charger by any chance?”

“No, but I think my mum does.”

3

Millie's family did not seem at all surprised that she had picked up a stray. Her uncle (or something) had explained the wig thing to her, which was a piss take of both the Frocks and O'Dwyer branches of the family, who both had characteristically big hair. It was one of the O'Dwyer's birthday celebration, but Louise immediately forgot the name. Maybe Brian? Blair? Something with a b. She asked Millie, and it was actually Shane O'Dwyer. A few letters off…maybe the alcohol had fried her brain.

Millie's mum had been pleased to see her, actually, and had introduced her to the family as Millie's best friend even though they hadn't seen each other in, what, four years? Not comforting. Louise didn't correct it at that stage, and then didn’t feel she could correct it later as Millie's mum described the many adventures they had been on to both a captivated and captive audience. At least some of what she said was sort of true.

And then it was lunchtime, and she had lunch with them.

And then it was dinnertime, and she had dinner with them. And Millie was linking their arms as they walked. She and the assorted Millie relatives were sitting out the back in a fenced garden area, not dissimilar to the garden area of the house Louise was staying in, as dusk started to bask everyone in an orange glow. She hadn’t meant to, but she had totally ditched her friends. Shane the birthday boy said he wished someone had brought some Irish Mist (which is apparently bizarrely hard to find in Ireland) - and Louise remembered she'd got some in her bedroom. In a very clever move, she'd brought no spare clothes, but three bottles of spirits. Her thinking with this is that her house would probably run out of alcohol, and so she could swoop in and save the day by producing her secret bottles, and thus everyone would love her. Everyone else had clearly thought the same thing, because they had more alcohol than an off license between the twenty members of the group. She might be stupid. Actually, she decided, no she wasn't - because her plan had sort of worked. She would just be earning brownie points with the Frocks, rather than with her actual friends. She told the group she would be right back, and Millie followed her unprovoked and uninvited back to the house she was actually supposed to be in. Louise didn't feel so crappy after a bit of an alcohol detox, and the stairs weren't such a problem this time. She had the same conversation with at least four people on her way through the house:

“Where have you been?”

“At the shop buying paracetamol.”

“Who's that?”

“Millie.”

“Were you wearing that earlier?”

“No, I had to borrow clothes from Millie following The Incident.”

“Okay.”

And then they'd turn back and resume whatever they were doing with no further questions. It felt kind of rude shutting them down, but she'd end up with a drink in her hand otherwise. No-one asked about The Incident. Millie had somehow acquired a drink in each hand and a Burger King crown. Louise hadn't even seen a Burger King on the drive from the airport.

She flung open the characterless white door of her assigned room, only to be shocked by Amy (from the cocktails) and Barry (from hell, Louise wasn’t a fan and he was a bit of a prick) getting off with one another in her fucking bed. Not that it was a fucking bed, it was a normal bed which they had stolen for fucking purposes. They scuttled away, partially redressing on the go, and Louise shouted a string of swear words down the stairs at them. You randomly disappear for 36 hours, 15 of which you are unconscious for, and attend the birthday getaway of someone you don't know at all with missing the birthday bash of the guy you actually do know, and this is the thanks you get????

Louise packed up her bag with things strewn haphazardly on the floor, including the three bottles, and pushed Millie (who seemed to be enjoying herself) back to the other house. In her fucking bed! Animals. Birthday boy was very pleased, and she did get brownie points with the family. Unfortunately, Millie's family applied peer pressure until she tasted the Irish Mist, after she said she had never tried it, but she was only going to have one drink. Two. Three, and that was it. Four. Four. Stopped at four. The Irish Mist was okay. She preferred whiskey. Millie had had like six strawberry daiquiris and was talking at one of her bored looking cousins about the financial collapse of former Yugoslavia. No, the cousin had not asked, and kept throwing Louise ‘help me’ looks. Louise had been eavesdropping for some time, and was actually becoming invested in what was apparently one of the most extreme hyperinflation periods in history. Millie's monologue was surprisingly engaging and captivating, at least to her if not the cousin. Louise was also very much enjoying a rocking chair in the corner of the room. She'd literally never been in a rocking chair before, and it was fucking amazing. Like being on a swing, without the swinging, and only like half the effort. Delightful. She didn't want to leave the rocking chair, so she just shouted “Millie!”, who promptly skipped over like a gay gazelle at the call of her name.

“You ever been in a rocking chair before? This is fucking awesome.”

The cousin retreated into another room, flashing her a thumbs up whilst Millie was looking the other way.

“No, can I join you?”

Millie didn't wait for an answer, instead just sitting down horizontally in Louise's lap, with her legs dangling over one of the armrests of the chair. She was surprisingly heavy, and looked like she might try and make a move.

“So what happened after the hyperinflation period of the early nineties?”

This averted any advances, and Millie resumed her monologue from earlier while Louise's legs went numb. She was still rocking, though. Fuck yeah, rocking chair.

4

Louise woke up in the embroidered sheets of Millie's bed yet again. Mild hangover, not as bad as the day before, but not good either. And damn, no pocket paracetamol. She had her head tucked under Millie's chin (mortifying) and no top on (even more mortifying). She was supposed to have stopped drinking yesterday, for fucks sake. She remembered not wanting to go back to the noise and the party people, and Millie said she could stay the night. Oh God. And then she remembered not having her toothbrush because she'd left it on the sink in the other house, so she had (ew) used Millie's when she offered because she didn't want to have to go back through the fucking party people and answer the same fucking questions four times again. Oh God. She could see her phone on the nightstand behind her if she craned her neck, but there was no way she was acquiring it without disturbing Millie, who seemed as though was still asleep from the steady breathing. So, Louise had four options: try and escape, wake up Millie, wait for possibly hours until Millie wakes up while needing to pee, or to simply just kill herself. And then Louise remembered her back against the bedroom wall with Millie kissing her neck, and then Millie's hand up her shirt. Oh God. Maybe it was morning, actually, because she could see some light around the curtains. Then, she remembered her hand (her actual hand that she cooks burgers with) in Millie's underwear. Option four it is. Wait, no, that's a bit of a rash decision. So what? She got pissed and hooked up with Millie. Crazy Millie from school, who stalked her for seven years. That Millie. Maybe it would be fine? Seemed unlikely, but it was surely possible for it to be fine? Right? Oh my fucking God, she'd kissed Millie in front of her mum. With tongue. Option four once again seemed appealing. Maybe her mum hadn't noticed? She was definitely in the room, though, because Louise could see the decor surrounding them at the time in her mind - and so they must have still been in the rocking chair. For fucks sake, thisis why she almost never drinks. Weirdly, she felt comforted by the idea that she must therefore have kissed Millie before they'd shared a toothbrush. At least there had been pre toothbrush contact, it wasn't like she’d just used the toothbrush of an acquaintance. Although perhaps she had slept in the bed of an acquaintance the night previously, actually. It wasn't like they hadn't ever shared a bed before in their teen years, so maybe that wasn’t so weird, actually. Or, maybe she was lying to herself to make her feel better about being desperate and pathetic with no boundaries. Perhaps it could all be true. God, all this thinking was not good for the hangover.

“Hey, are you awake?” Millie whispered into the top of her head.

Oh, for fucks sake.

“Hi.”

She needed to pee.

“Hey,” Millie continued after a pause, “So, last night was fun.”

Oh no.

“You know, if you'd just admitted you liked me in fourth grade, we wouldn't have wasted so much time.”

I don't like you.

Didn't she? Did she really not like Millie, in her arms, in her bed, after getting off with her literally the night before? She clearly felt something for Millie, even if it took several rounds of judgement impairing alcohol to get those feelings to come out. There had been times in high school where she had wondered. Just a little bit. Because Millie really liked her, and Millie was pretty, and Millie could be really funny and charming. Emphasis on the ‘could be'. Louise had always thought her freckles were beautiful. And she loved her weird laugh. She pulled back from Millie a bit, enough to see her big, warm smile. Millie wasn't wearing any clothes, and Louise remembered she was still topless too when the cold air hit. She pulled the weird embroidered sheets over herself to preserve the shred of dignity she had remaining.

“I, uh,” God, why was she getting cute in front of Millie for fucks sake?, “I don't remember it very well. I know we kissed, and I think I…”

“Yes, you did. Not bad, but your hand eye coordination wasn't great at that point. B+, try harder next time.”

Louise stifled a laugh.

“I'm actually not open to constructive criticism at this time.”

Millie kissed her on the tip of her nose, and Louise saw how distorted her eyeliner from the night before had become. Quite cute, actually.

“Breakfast?” Millie asked, raising her more quizzical eyebrow.

“I need to pee first, but sounds good. I probably can't spend the rest of my week here with you,” Millie briefly looked distraught, then manually corrected her face to seem more aloof, “But maybe when we both get home, we could see each other again? Or, uh, maybe before we get home? If you'd like? There's a castle tour on Saturday.”

Coming across as desperate and needy. At least it's with Millie, queen of desperate and needy. Millie pulled her in close, and squeezed just a bit too hard. Louise felt very compressed in a really unromantic ‘I’m about to be sick’ kind of way, but Millie laxed her grip just in time.

“I would really, really like that. You know, I think maybe this was fate. We were always supposed to end up together.”

Millie smiled at her again. That charming salesman smile. And even though that last sentence was a little creepy, Louise was properly sold.

[borom1r]

Ooh 1-20 and 91 for the fic writing asks if there is Brain?

1) do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road?

um. i generally have like, a vague idea or a theme but not a specific roadmap. like for my most recent fic i published, i knew i wanted to explore sensation + emotion thru the eyes of my Shadar-Kai cleric, Naendil, but beyond that it was rlly up to the characters

2) talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

all of the time forever??? skdjfhkjsdfh. nah but seriously, the amount of times ive started writing Éomer in a fic without the intention of including a sex scene only to wind up writing him fucking nasty has been seriously funny

3) on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

HM. 9? i guess? idk man

4) what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

good question.. idk like there are definitely some aus id theoretically be interested in writing but i haven't just bc they get judged lol. that's why i have a burner ao3 tho, maybe ill write sth indulgent there someday < it's less specific plot bunnies tho and more just "this is an au im interested in for X pairing"

5) have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

not a specific playlist but i do generally listen to specific artists/vibe playlists while I write, and will title my fics after one of those songs

6) do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best?

oh my gods no. no i dont schedule this shit. it happens when it happens

7) tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

LMAO. ohhhhhh my godddddddds i think it was a Lost Boys fanfic... or maybe a Warriors (1979) fic. just stupid shippy crap, nothin good lol. whatever it was, it's up on ffnet somewhere— gold star to anyone who tracks down my old fics ig lmfao

8) what’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? do you seek it out? how well do you take it?

i dont seek it out. i dont really care bc im not writing for a grade anymore. IF im writing essays for a course or sth i do really enjoy getting feedback + hearing what ppl think, and ofc i enjoy engaging in dialogue w/ my friends on theory posts, but on my actual fics???? nah.

im not publishing any of this shit for anyone else but me :3 + while obvs i love getting *comments,* criticism is nooooooootttttt needed on fics

9) in an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

LMFAO. none of my shit would be marketable enough for a show or film :] but on the off chance i put sth original out + it developed a cult audience, make sth like Nekromantik <33333

10) at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

titles at the end, + its usually pretty easy for me

11) what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

HRM. idk man. im a lil intoxicated rn.. theres probably another answer i could give BUT all the heraldic charges for the LotR ren fest fics are legitimate, attested charges so thats fun :]

12) do you ever have trouble focusing on writing? how do you get around that? 

i need bg noise so music usually helps me focus. if im really not feelin it ill walk away tho

13) talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you.

HRM. again idk. probs the warm reception all my trans SDV fics got <333 ilyall

14) what’s your worst writing habit? 

i dont write outlines. or drafts. one and done baby!

15) where do you share your writing?

ao3 or occasionally on @2x4swrites

16) where is your favorite place to write?

in my bedroom? ig?? idk man

17) what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

HUH. thats a good question actually. um the fic im most proud of overall is this but the LINE im most proud of???? maybe "What is devotion if not the act of devouring?"

18) what is your most and least favorite part of writing?

most? developing a story + seeing prose come together

least? conclusions -_-

19) what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

oh my god. i mean Tolkien probably lmfao

idfk man i just write. iwritelike says my prose sounds like Charles Dickens sjdhfksdjfhksd

20) what is your favorite trope to write?

HRM. i enjoy writing romance for a bitch with questionable conception of romantic attraction ig shfskfhksjf

91) how has your writing style changed over the years?

HM. i really dont know. ik ive improved technically in leaps and fucking bounds (compare any of my old star wars fics to a lotr or bg3 fic lmfao) but i really dont have a grasp on my 'style' + the ways its changed