#how much shit ive written on ao3 and also how much shit ive written here. its a LOT

[roosterr]

murphy's law

a/n: ive had this idea in my head for a while so i decided to dump it out of my brain for all of you to enjoy. somewhat inspired by lunarvicar's amazing wonderful fic to the flame i really love her writing so check it out yo also i haven't written anything in years so cut me some slack :')

pairing: captain john price x gn!reader

summary: when a simple mission goes south, you get left behind in the confusion. you just can't seem to catch a break.

no use of y/n, callsign is 'vantage'

no physical description, but reader is (very) vaguely implied to be shorter than price

warnings: descriptions of injury (nothing too graphic), canon-typical violence, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, minor character death, i don't know how the military works lmao, lots of swearing bc i can't help myself

word count: 8.6k

read it on ao3 here

✹✹✹

it was a straightforward mission; in and out, grab what you need, and you'd be home in time for dinner. nothing you hadn't handled before.

ghost and price were on overwatch; the lieutenant was positioned with his rifle on a rooftop across the street, whilst the captain stayed in the suv with a laptop to keep an eye on the surveillance cameras around the exterior of the building.

you'd had your eyes on this intel for months now, biding your time and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. your opening had finally arrived, and with all that time spent planning, it was going so well.

that should have been the first red flag.

the second, more apparent, warning sign was that anything you found as you, gaz, and soap swept the building was either something you already knew, or irrelevant. how was that possible? the location of this facility was a heavily guarded secret, you'd fought tooth and nail to find it; why spend so much effort hiding something which had such little value?

you'd ventured to the second floor, up the damp stairwell and further into the eerily quiet building. there must be something worth hiding here, you just had to find it. you certainly weren't planning on going home empty handed.

you paused your movement into the dark, staring down the empty corridor through the sights of your gun. you felt your stomach turn, and swallow down the sick taste of bile in your throat. for everything you'd done to get here…

it was going so… well.

bringing your hand to the radio on your chest, you don't bother to calm the shake in your voice before speaking.

"does this feel off to anyone–"

you're cut off by price's shouting, a twinge of panic in his voice you aren't used to hearing from him.

"fuck– it's an ambush! get out of there, now!"

you're about to respond, when you hear gunshots from below you. soap and gaz were downstairs, where the hostiles were pouring into the building, and you were on your own upstairs.

the shots from ghost's rifle make your ears ring, even from across the street.

"vantage, get yer arse down here, there's too many of 'em!" soap's yelling brings you out of your haze, and you can't find the energy to respond as you take off running, back to the stairs you came up. "shit– man down! gaz is hit! they're coming up, vantage!"

you just about register what he said when the door to the stairway bursts open only a few metres ahead of you. diving into the nearest open room, you narrowly avoid a bullet to the gut, and slam the door shut behind you.

shit. fuck. fucking shit.

you counted at least four hostiles up here, and with gaz injured, soap would most likely be dragging him back to the suv you all arrived in, where price was waiting, which meant…

you really were alone.

well, ghost was out there, but he was a man of self preservation. he wouldn't risk coming in here to save you. not when you were this fucked.

your chest felt tight, now, and you could hear the enemies shouting on the other side of the wall. come on, you plead with yourself, do something!

snapping your head to look around the room you'd trapped yourself in, your eyes linger on the filing cabinets lining the wall next to you. you can drag them over here, barricade the door. 

prolong your survival, or delay the inevitable.

you hadn't noticed how hard your nails were digging into your palms until you went to grip the cabinet. the half-moon divots stung against the cool metal as you heaved it in front of the door.

now the hostiles are outside, rattling the wall with their attempts to kick the door down.

you drag another one, for safe measure. you pray they'll be heavy enough.

through the blood rushing in your ears, you can just about make out price's voice.

"vantage, answer me dammit! what is your bloody status!"

"i'm good– i'm good," you manage to get out between pants, never once taking your eyes off the door. willing your heartbeat to slow down. "not injured, just– stuck in a room upstairs."

"that doesn't sound good to me."

it all went quiet when he spoke to you. at first you thought it was just because your focus had shifted– because it was him– but it really was quiet now.

"yeah, i… they're– wait, they're not at the door anymore, they…"

hold on.

what?

"ghost, you got eyes? what's happenin' over there?" there's a sense of urgency to your captain's voice, and for a single selfish moment, you think he might be worried for you beyond that of a just soldier. your frenzied mind lingers on that thought.

the gruff voice of ghost brings you back to reality,

"they're setting charges– vantage, you need to find a way out."

charges. explosives.

all you can muster is a half-hearted, "shit…"

deep down, you know that isn't going to happen. you wouldn't have time to run down the stairs, and even if you did you'd only be walking right into their bullets. there's nothing they can do to help. and you think, deep down, they know that too.

this is it, then, you think to yourself, am i really going to die like this?

and for another fleeting moment, you're filled with regret that you would never get to see john's face again. all the stolen glances, lingering touches, inside jokes; none of it would ever amount to anything. would he remember you? would he even come back for your dog tags?

the tightness is back in your heart, but it's different this time.

your eyes still don't leave the door as your back hits the wall. the faint moonlight gives the room a soft glow, serene, and your heart sinks further into your stomach.

the moonlight;

the window, the outside.

not an ideal escape route, but these were hardly ideal circumstances.

you didn't waste a second with hesitation and backed up for a running start. you thank every deity you can think of that you always insisted on wearing a helmet.

this was going to hurt, but it was better than the alternative.

"van, you have to get out, please!" you're not even sure who's talking in your ear anymore, but you know who you want it to be.

for him, you think to yourself, i have to make it back to him.

with a deep breath, you take off into a sprint, tucking your head into your elbow and diving shoulder first through the glass.

as you free fall out the second storey window, you think you hear john calling your name, your real name, and you think you feel a flutter in your chest. it was almost peaceful.

and then you hit the ground.

with a thump and a sickening crack, you rolled unceremoniously and ended up on your side, in the snowy alleyway behind the building you were just trapped in; the building that was about to be demolished. your elbow muffled your pained cry.

right, explosives, the reason you jumped to begin with.

your teammates are still going berserk in your ear, yelling at each other or you or both, but you can't bring yourself to respond. you could answer them once you were a safe distance away– and when you could breathe without heaving. as you stand, swaying on your feet, you feel your ribs shift in a way they definitely aren't supposed to, filling you once again with the innate urge to vomit.

but you swallow that down; it'll have to wait, you need to get as far away as possible, now.

your hands braced your broken ribs– and you notice, then, that your shoulder is killing you too– as you stumble down another alley, leading away from the building. you slip and almost fall on the untouched snow, but somehow manage to catch yourself. in the back of your mind, you notice you lost your rifle at some point. you'd have to survive with just your pistol.

for a moment, you almost felt that you'd gotten away, that you'd made the perfect escape.

of course, it was too perfect.

the charges finally went off. you were thrown forward, and despite your helmet, everything went black.

✹✹✹

your ribs flared with agony at the ragged breath you took, blinking your eyes open as consciousness returned to you. darkness swarmed your vision, contrasting the pure white of the snow that was slowly freezing your extremities, and you fought with every bit of self-restraint you had not to cry. your eyes stung anyway.

how long were you out? you were still in the alley, and you hadn't been found by anyone yet, so it couldn't have been long. i need to move, is the only thought swirling in your head. with what little strength you could muster, you rolled yourself onto your back to look at the ruins behind you.

dust filled the air and coated everything in sight, obscuring your vision almost fully; but what you could make out, was the lights from your enemy's guns as they swept the rubble.

looking for you, presumably.

shit shit shit.

you had god knows how many broken ribs, your shoulder was fucked, and now your vision was swimming, and to top it all off you could barely hear yourself think over the violent ringing in your ears. this night just kept getting better and better.

it took everything in you not to scream at the agony as you dragged yourself behind a fallen dumpster, sitting up against the cold brick of the building behind you in an attempt to catch your breath.

in. out. in. out.

in.

out.

every move had your bones creaking in protest, the longer you sat here the more you felt every little cut and bruise and shard of glass littering your body. the dust in the air tickled your throat and threatened to make you cough up a lung, spots in your vision danced like fireflies, luring you back into the clutches of sleep.

no… i can't rest yet, you urged yourself to fight your drooping eyelids, i have to get back to the suv… they're waiting… for me…

the crunch of debris under heavy boots snaps you back to the present.

someone was approaching.

the optimist in you wanted to believe it was price, coming to rescue you. but you couldn't take that chance. your hand grips the pistol on your hip, drawing it out slowly to make as little noise as possible.

the shadowed figure came stumbling into view. your arm straightened to aim at their unprotected head, eyes wide and breathing laboured.

the man– the boy– locked eyes with you, flinging himself backwards to the wall opposite you with his hands held high.

your expression hardened. he was your enemy. his uniform made that clear. for a moment, neither of you moved, you weren't even sure if he was breathing anymore. like two wild animals, locked in a staredown, each of you waiting for the other to make the first move. which one of you was the hunter, and which one was the prey?

shooting him will draw his comrades over here. sparing him means he can call them over himself. a lose-lose.

lost in your internal debate as you stare at him, you vaguely notice his hand lowering to his belt, and in a moment of panic, your heart clenches in time with your finger to deliver a shot right between his eyes.

his body slid down the wall, a perfect mirror of your own as the life fades from his expression.

shit. again.

his friends must’ve heard that. with renewed, adrenaline fueled vigour, you scramble across the alley, and begin rifling through the packs on his chest and belt.

a twinge of guilt fills you as you notice his empty holsters. he wasn't even armed.

shaking your head, you find what you're looking for; a morphine shot. at least, that's what it looked like, the words on the label were swimming with the concussion you surely had. it would have to do.

you take the syringe carefully, and stick the end into the muscle of your thigh, through a rip in your pants you hadn't noticed before, and inject the solution. it would take a minute to kick in, but hopefully the painkiller would help you at least make it back to the suv where your team was waiting.

where price was waiting. god you hoped they were okay, him especially, though he was probably in the least danger of you all. what you wouldn't give to have stayed in the car with him.

pocketing the empty syringe, you spare another glance at the boy's face. his wide, lifeless eyes. the pack he was reaching for. the same one you found the morphine in.

he… was going to help you. and you'd killed him.

oh god. the realisation has your stomach turning for the third time that day.

you pressed his eyes shut and pushed yourself to stand. as you trudge your way to the far end of the alley, you keep your eyes forward. there wasn't time to linger.

with a deep breath, you steel yourself and begin to make your way through the cold, abandoned streets of the small town. the suv wasn't far, only a couple blocks away. it wouldn't take you long to get there, even with your injuries.

somewhere in the distance, you could hear terrified screaming, presumably the residents who were forced awake by the sound of the explosion.

now that the ringing had died down, you realise that you hadn't heard your teammates in a while. absent-mindedly, you bring a hand up to press the comms, and you almost start talking before you feel the plastic crunch under your fingers.

"oh for fucks sake."

of fucking course your radio was broken. it must have been crushed when you were flung forward by the explosion.

brilliant.

whatever, the suv would be in your sight soon anyway, you don't need it.

the cover of night made it significantly easier to hobble through the streets unseen, thanks to your all black gear. the enemy were still hovering around the destroyed building, but at least that meant they thought you were buried under there. hopefully they would stay distracted long enough for you to make it back.

god, fuck, you really couldn't wait to get back to base. you desperately needed a shower hot enough to melt your skin to scrub off all the dirt and blood from your body. the morphine had started to kick in now, but you still felt your ribs shift unnaturally with every heavy step. you'd definitely need a few weeks off to recover from this one, and you’d probably get an earful from the captain. you’d kill to hear his voice right now, even if he was yelling at you for being an idiot.

only a little further. then you’d be back with the safety of your team, with this godforsaken place in the rear view mirror. with the promise of being able to rest, your limbs seemed to grow heavier as the exhaustion finally made its way into your bones.

except, when you turn the final corner, you freeze, an ice-cold dread sweeping through your veins.

the car was gone.

it wasn’t there.

they weren’t there.

there was a stretch of tarmac that fresh snow just beginning to fall had yet to cover, tire-tracks that showed the u-turn the suv had done, blood on the snow from– you assume– gaz, empty bullet casings from the fight they put up.

but no suv.

no teammates.

no john.

no. no, no no no. they couldn’t have left you. that wasn’t how you did things in the 141. it was no man left behind, you knew that. maybe they’re just circling the area, you rationalised, desperately trying to calm your ragged breathing, yeah, they went to look for me. they wouldn’t leave me behind.

but they weren't here.

and as you followed the tire-tracks down the street, they didn’t go back into the town. they made a straight line, directly to the dirt track leading into the wilderness, clear as day in the snow. back the way you had all gotten here earlier that night.

your knees dampen from the snow, the painkiller in your system keeping you from feeling the impact. when did you fall over? there was no attempt to stop the searing hot tears this time as they ran through the dirt caked to your face. your throat constricted, lifting a hand to your mouth to muffle your hyperventilating.

they were gone.

long gone, without you.

they really had left you behind.

a mumble from somewhere to your left interrupts your breakdown. grief morphs into blinding rage for a split second; can i get a fucking break? you swing your arm still holding the pistol to point at whoever was watching you, twisting your abdomen in a way that has you gritting your teeth.

a woman, clutching her young son, shielding his eyes and ears from you.

you lower your gun. that’s not a mistake you’ll make twice. catching her eyes, you gesture for her to be quiet, which is quickly met with her frantic nodding.

it reminds you, you’re still not safe here. you were supposed to be, but hey, it looks like plans change. no man left behind– what a load of horseshit. you push yourself onto shaky legs, you only had a few hours until the morphine wore off, and you needed to be out of here before that happened. as fast as you could possibly muster, you begin to stumble towards the dirt track that disappears into the treeline, following the slowly disappearing tire-tracks.

✹✹✹

you managed to make it into the woods faster than you expected, and you found a fallen tree slightly off the path to take shelter behind while you licked your wounds. literal and metaphorical.

this was unbelievable. how could they leave you like that? if they’d only taken the time to do a quick lap of the building, they would’ve found you laying face down in the snow, and this whole mess could have been avoided. where were they off to in such a hurry anyway? it’s not like you guys had found anything sensitive. 

oh, wait. gaz was shot. that had briefly slipped your mind. perhaps you were being a little selfish by getting so worked up by this, but then again, for all they knew you could have been in the same condition– or worse. they…

your breath hitched. and not from your injuries.

they thought you were dead. that would make sense, in the chaos of everything, and amidst your panic, you didn’t really do a good job keeping up with answering your comms. still though, you were definitely going to rip them all a new one when you got back; or maybe it would be the other way around.

either way, you couldn’t sit here and dwell on it all night. you needed to make it to the safehouse before they flew back to base. if you missed them this time, you really were well and truly fucked.

✹✹✹

"i've gotta be at least half-way by now," you lament, flopping down against another tree with a grunt in an attempt to calm the burning in your legs and chest. the morphine had worn off about a few hours ago, and you were finally feeling all the bleeding wounds you'd ignored before. nothing lethal, you hoped, aside from your shoulder, ribs, and splitting headache, it was mostly just a lot of glass in your skin.

when you left the town, it must have been just past midnight, and at this pace it would be well after morning before you made it back. you could just about see the first signs of dawn poking through the cloud layer.

the snow had gotten heavier, casting a haze over the horizon, but it hadn't escalated into a storm yet. even under all your gear, the cold was starting to bite at your limbs. your lack of gloves was a decision you were coming to regret; if you lost any fingers because of this you really were going to kill price.

"fuck, he thinks i'm dead…" you groan as you stare up at the sky. snowflakes catch in your eyelashes and threaten to freeze the tears as they well up in your eyes. was he as distraught as you currently were, you wonder? was he even moved at all, or were you just another soldier, just more paperwork he had to fill out?

being in love with your captain was so, so difficult. a mistake, most would say, and you used to tell yourself the same thing. but after knowing him, seeing the vulnerable parts of him he keeps closely guarded, you can't bring yourself to care. seeing his expression when you gifted him the cigars you bought for him, learning his favourite drink when you all went out after missions, trading stories over paperwork in his office late at night. even after everything you've been through together, you know, in your heart, he doesn't feel the same; he's your superior, you're his sergeant, and he is nothing if not an honest man. it can never work between you two. but despite it all, the only regret you have as you sit bleeding in the snow, is that you never told him how you felt.

please, don't leave me here… 

in the back of your mind, you know they wouldn't go home without at least id-ing your body, but you were so shaken by the ongoing near death experience that your train of thought wasn't making much sense anymore.

the distant whirr of a helicopter snapped you back to reality. maybe it was… no, the 141 didn't have a helicopter here, which could only mean it was a hostile one. fucking fantastic. where you were slumped was right at the edge of the road, with very little cover from above. you needed to move further off the path, under the protection of the forest canopy.

with a laboured grunt, you pulled yourself back onto your feet, using the tree behind you as a crutch until you could catch your breath again. the helicopter was getting nearer now, close enough that you could almost make out the spotlight through the falling snow.

a brief jog was all you could manage to get away from the road. the snow wasn't deep enough to leave tracks that would be noticeable from the air, not through the shade of darkness. you still as the helicopter passes overhead. there's no change in its course, and you huff a breath of relief. at least you wouldn't have to try and outrun a chopper.

you watch the helicopter's silhouette fade into the night sky. there was nothing to do but carry on. you needed to get to the safehouse.

this was going to be a long night.

✹✹✹

hours, it had been hours since you first set off, so long in fact that it was essentially daytime. the sun hadn't fully risen, casting the world in a dim light that was just dark enough to keep you tripping over roots and holes in the ground.

the snow had let up a while ago, but the overcast clouds had stayed, the perfect match to your steadily declining mood. you thought you felt like shit earlier? if only you could have predicted how much worse it would get. you were acclimated to the pain by now, it reduced to a constant throbbing where your bones were broken. perhaps the icy temperature around you was numbing your injuries; it was either that or the shock.

ahead, you recognised a set of worn tire-tracks making a hard turn through a gap in the forest. there was no way of knowing it was the right way, but a spark of optimism ignites in your chest. maybe you were finally getting close. you just had to pray that your sense of direction was good enough to be leading you in the right direction.

you were right on top of the tracks now, and upon closer inspection, the pattern of the treads might just match the ones on the suv; you've had to fix that damn car so many times you'd know it in your sleep. they were messy, the snow making it hard to pick out, but you needed the hope right now.

this had to be them.

you go to continue down the clear path, to follow where your team had gone, but your luck just doesn't improve.

the mud slides under your foot, catching your ankle and toppling you in your attempt to struggle through. the breath is forced from your lungs as you impact the ground. you cry out through gritted teeth, feeling the strain of your muscles twisting far further than they're supposed to.

pain strikes through your ankle like lightning. drawing a breath is almost impossible from the pressure of your ribs. as you fight to sit up, the mud fights to drag you back down like quicksand.

fuck. another injury to slow you down.

muddy snow covers you from head to toe, the stabbing pain in your shoulder coming back in full force.

was that a car? the low rumbling from the direction you came from drew your attention, and you faintly see beams of headlights through the darkness. you momentarily forgot about your injuries, a frenzied panic making your blood run cold. another patrol. i need to go.

then, as you struggle to get up and out of sight, you feel a concerning pop from your kneecap, and you don't even have to look to know it's dislocated.

but there was no time to check the damage, you had to hide, now, or the truck would reach you and you'd have a lot more problems on your hands. you scramble onto your hands and knees, and yank your ankle free of the wet mud, practically throwing yourself behind the undergrowth just in time for the truck to round the bend.

your ribs are displaced again, injecting fresh pain into the shuddering breath you took, on top of your newly twisted ankle and dislocated kneecap bent uncomfortably beneath you.

it's a miracle you were able to keep quiet as the vehicle passed by.

by some stroke of luck, or just divine stupidity, your enemies drive straight past the space in the trees and your hiding spot. the headlights cast ominous shadows as they cruise by, but they didn't see you.

struggling to your feet once again, this time you give the muddy path a wide berth as you make your way deeper into the forest.

✹✹✹

one foot in front of the other. dragging your injured leg behind you. cradling your broken ribs.

just keep going.

limping through the mud took every resource your body had left, the effort of keeping upright was almost more than you could take.

how much longer could you possibly go, before you can't get back up again?

you couldn't lose hope.

ahead of you, a break in the sea of trees.

just one foot in front of the other. that's all you need. it's all you can do.

closer, stepping out into the open, squinting against the sun.

against the pale light of the morning sky, you see a dark shape. a building? you couldn't tell, you could only pray it was the warehouse you'd been longing for.

one foot in front of the other.

closer still, despite the bone-deep exhaustion in every limb. you could make it out now, the rusted metal siding and fresh tire-tracks in the mud. you were right there.

you taste the salt before you realise you're crying. 

almost,

somewhere between the agony, you hear yourself think,

still too early to celebrate.

your heart stutters. they were here, they had to be.

they had to be.

one foot in front of the other.

closer again, you focus on the keypad beside the door. your ankle twists uncomfortably as it drags along the gravel.

the handle became your crutch as you mustered the energy to lift your arm to enter the code.

seeing double, vision swaying as the edges fade.

a distant beep. a red light turning to green.

the handle turns under your weight, and the door swings open.

you find the floor coming up fast.

voices are all around you.

you give in to unconsciousness.

✹✹✹

the distinct hospital smell is what rouses you from your deep, dreamless sleep. hands prod at your busted ribs, drawing a scratchy groan from your dry throat. you grab the wrist of whoever is there as you fight to open your eyes.

"sergeant vantage?" they call out to you, and you realise with a disappointed sigh that it's the medic and not your captain. you open your eyes fully and see her standing above you with a clipboard in one hand. apart from her, you're alone in the medical wing. she notices you looking around, and looks down at the clipboard as she continues,  "glad to see you finally awake. your teammate gaz got off pretty lucky, the bullet went clean through his leg. you on the other hand, i'm impressed you made it back at all."

your ankle is in a boot and elevated on some pillows, and you can feel your knee is tightly bandaged under the blankets. an ache starts to form in your shoulder at the effort of holding your arm up.

"vantage, i need you to let go of my wrist." she says, and after an awkward pause you free her from your hold.

"sorry doc…" you mumble, bringing both hands up to your face and observing the tiny cuts littering your skin. you let them flop down to your sides again, but the aching doesn't subside.

"how are you feeling?" she breaks the momentary quiet, setting her clipboard down on the table next to your bed, "want me to get you anything?"

"i'd kill for some water…" you wheeze, the dehydration was catching up to you.

"alright, i'll be right back," the doctor affirms, making her way to the door. she turns back to look you in the eyes with a stern expression before she leaves, "please don't go anywhere."

and with that, the door clicks shut and you're left truly alone with your thoughts again.

your bones creak as you push yourself to sit up, your movements sluggish still with exhaustion, and you're reminded of just how badly you were hurt. everything aches, and it feels as though you'd been asleep for years.

gaz was okay, that's a relief. a little insulting that he got shot and was still in better condition than you, but whatever.

you look around the room for something, anything, to take your mind off the pain, and your eyes eventually land on the table beside you. a few cards sat on top, all with some variation of get well soon on the front, along with a small vase of flowers. you pick up the card closest to you and open it to read the scratchy handwriting inside.

'i swear you could survive a nuke, you're like a cockroach! get better soon, lots of love, soap! xxxxx'

what a charmer soap was. you chuckle at his lighthearted message, he always did try to keep your spirits up in times like these. as you place the card back where it was, your gaze is drawn to the empty chair next to your bed. there was a thin blanket folded over the back, probably left by whoever was last sitting there.

your mind begins to wander; how long were you out? your teammates clearly visited, does that mean price did too? you feel your stomach flutter at the thought of him worrying for you, watching over you as you recover. and if he fell asleep at your bedside? the heart monitor might call the doctor back if this train of thought continues. but then again, you doubted he'd be that forward, he would most likely be buried in paperwork like he usually is after a mission. and the mission you just came back from would require more paperwork than most.

because they… left you behind. that's right. you had to walk yourself back to the safehouse on all your injuries. who knows how long you were walking for but it must have been at least ten hours, considering the sun had risen by the time you got there. the butterflies were swiftly melted by the hot anger rising within you.

you were going to give him a piece of your mind, just like you promised.

all thoughts of the pain you were feeling are out of your head as you fling the blanket off your lower body. you grip your injured leg and lift it over the edge of the bed, swinging your other leg to plant both feet on the floor.

just as you were about to pull yourself up to stand, the door opens again and the medic walks in with your water bottle in her hand. she stops, an icy look in her eyes as she observes what you're doing.

you look back at her, debating whether you should give it up and lay back down, but your anger quickly wins over. the heart monitor picks up again as you work yourself up.

"i swear to god, if you don't sit back down right now," she makes her way over, setting the water down on the table you were using as a crutch. you meet her eyes indignantly, and go to step around her anyway. "no! you need to rest!" the doc puts her hands on your shoulders, and she stops your movement embarrassingly easily.

"fuck that," you croak, your voice still hoarse, "where's captain shithead? i need a word."

she maneuvers you back into sitting on the edge of the bed, and hands you the water. you keep your sour expression, but still drink half the bottle in one go.

"i assume you mean captain price? he's in his office, hasn't come out since you all got back." she takes the bottle from you when you're done, setting it down again, before moving to take the iv out of your arm. if she feels your glare, she doesn't acknowledge it. "whatever it is, it can wait."

"yeah right, i got a few strong words for him, and he is gonna hear 'em."

the doc hesitates as she works.

"i don't know exactly what happened out there, but i think you should know… that he hasn't visited you," she speaks softly, watching your angry expression fall. "your other teammates did, i even saw ghost sneaking out of here one night, but you didn't hear that from me."

silence overcame the small room again as her words sunk in. he left you for dead, and now he was avoiding you? even ghost visited you, and you'd barely had a single conversation with him. your heart feels tight again, the same way it did when you were trapped in that building.

"how long was i out?" your voice is low, almost a whisper.

"two days."

you should have listened to all the people who told you loving him was a bad idea. you'd almost died, and he still didn't visit you? that stung. god, you haven't even been awake an hour and you already want to throw up.

i guess i really don't mean that much to him, huh?

you think back to the night before the mission, when you'd sat with john while he did paperwork. at first, he tried to convince you to get some sleep, 

"you wanna be well rested, love."

but you stayed anyway, saying that you'd just sleep on the flight. you would rather spend your nights of insomnia with him anyway.

the two of you had talked for hours that night, about anything that came to mind. it was the early hours of the morning when you finally retreated back to your own quarters. he'd insisted on seeing you back, despite the fact that it was the middle of the night and your room was in the next building over. the way he'd lingered by your door as you said goodnight, you really thought he was going to kiss you then. but he didn't, and you went to sleep with a heavy feeling of disappointment that persevered into the next day.

"i'm sorry vantage." the medic sets something down on the end of the bed, and you turn to look. a pile of your clothes. "i know how you soldiers are, you're gonna get up as soon as i leave no matter what i say, so i'd rather you not walk around in a hospital gown."

she was right.

"...thanks, doc."

despite the overwhelming pain in your heart, you were still about to rip into price.

✹✹✹

you limp out of the infirmary after dressing yourself as quickly as your injuries would allow, which is to say, not very fast. thankfully there weren't any stairs between here and your captain's office, you definitely wouldn't be able to make it up them with your crutch.

the sun was already setting, a pink hue filling the sky as you pushed open the doors of the medical wing. you tried to think as little as possible as you made your way steadily across the courtyard. it would only upset you, and you desperately wanted to be pissed at him. you wouldn't– couldn't– let price see how hurt you were, he probably didn't care anyway. he was just your captain, after all, realistically there was no reason for you to be this upset.

but you were, and the few people you encountered in the corridors could see it written on your face, staying well out of your way as you shuffled past them.

as you stared at the closed door of john's office, your anger wavered. despite the ache in your heart, you considered for a moment that perhaps you were being dramatic. he was your captain, you were just one of his soldiers. it made perfect sense that he'd prioritise the lives of three others over yours alone.

it was his job, and he did it well.

you love john, of course you do, and that's why you're so affected by that fact. maybe you were letting your selfishness get the better of you. honestly, you didn't have a real reason to believe he felt the same way about you. everyone on task force 141 was close, that's the way things are, you couldn't confidently say he treated you differently.

but he was smart. he had to know how you felt, had at least had to know that you don't go out of your way for your other teammates as much as you do for him.

then again, even ghost had visited you while you were out, and you considered yourself much closer to price than him. so maybe he hated you now, he'd finally gotten tired of your poor decision making skills. it was the reason you were in this situation to begin with.

you were just about to abandon the idea of laying into him when price's voice sounded through the door.

"whoever's standin' out there, hurry up and come in, or piss off." he sounded exhausted, his tone blunt with annoyance. it wasn't unusual for him to get like that, especially whilst buried in mind-numbingly boring paperwork, but you could feel something else under the surface of his sharp tone.

well, there goes your last chance to run. you took a moment to steel yourself, to remember that you were in fact angry at him, and open the door with the harshest look you can muster.

he didn't look up as you let the door close behind you, keeping his nose buried in whatever report he was currently scribbling on. his hat was discarded on the desk next to him, and the hand in his hair was keeping it the messiest you'd ever seen it. you breathe in deeply through your nose.

"oh you'd love to get rid of me that easily, wouldn't you?" you spit, coming to stand in the middle of the room.

john's head snaps forward at the sound of your voice, the hand in his hair dropping to his desk, allowing you to finally get a good look at him. his eyes were wide and tired, you could tell the bags under them were darker than the last time you'd looked him in the face.

"vantage…" he spoke with something almost like disbelief, like he couldn't fathom that you were really in front of him. the hard lines of his face soften as his eyes meet yours, and then even further when his gaze falls to your crutch and boot.

fuck, how were you supposed to stay mad at him when he looks at you like that? you channel every ounce of bottled up frustration you have before his blue eyes consume you.

"well unfortunately, i am still alive. not that you give a shit; you got a restraining order on the infirmary or something?"

he murmurs your name– your real name, and as he rises to stand, his eyes don't leave yours for a second.

fuuuuuck.

"what? you leave me for dead, now the cats got your tongue?" you hiss at him, but you can feel the venom leaving your words with every second. the way his expression falls ever so slightly has you regretting what you were saying. you came in here needing to hurt him the way he hurt you, but you were quickly losing your nerve.

"don't do that…" he was almost pleading, as he made his way around his desk to stand in front of you, his piles of paperwork long forgotten. he goes to grasp your elbow, but you pull back before he can touch you. 

"sorry if you've already filled out my death certificate, i'd hate to cause you any more headaches." there was little fight left in your voice now, as you stared each other down in the middle of his office.

in the pause, john screws his eyes shut, turning his head to the side, before fixing you with a hard stare.

"don't. you know i would never've left you if i had any other choice!" it's not anger when he raises his voice, it's desperation; trying to convince himself as well as you. he takes another step towards you, toe to toe now as you lock eyes.

"do i know that? because from where i'm standing, it looks like you couldn't get far enough away from me," you can't help the way your voice cracks, nor can you disguise the hurt when you continue, "even fucking ghost visited me, but not you…"

another beat of silence.

"i couldn't…" john mumbled, eyes showing his mind was somewhere else. your chest tightened; every trace of anger was gone, replaced with the heartache you'd gotten so familiar with when it came to him.

"correct me if i'm wrong, but i really thought you cared." you try to take a step back, put some distance between the two of you, but he grabs your upper arm– successfully this time– to stop you going anywhere. it takes an impressive amount of restraint not to melt at his touch.

"of course i fuckin' care!" he growls, tugging you marginally closer.

your eyes hardened again; of course he did, just not in the way you wanted him to.

you jab your finger into his chest as you speak, your expression sour. "well you could've fooled–"

he grabs your hand as he cuts you off, and you can see the muscles in his jaw clenching, his face turning sharp again.

"bloody hell, just shut up! it killed me to leave without you, y'know that? if it weren't for simon i would've sent 'em back without me! i waited, as long as i could," he wasn't shouting, but you went quiet as if he was, any retaliation you thought of dying on your tongue. john let out a heavy sigh before he continued, "but you didn't come. you were stuck in that building, and then when it went up in fuckin' smoke, what was i supposed to think? i– we called out to you so many times, but you never responded."

the silence between you was heavy. deep down, you had already assumed everything he was telling you, but to actually hear it from his mouth had you choking up in his grasp.

"i…" you tried to say something, anything, but the words just wouldn't come. despite your best efforts, the tears welling up in your eyes were close to spilling over as your gaze fell to the floor.

john sighed again, softer this time, and using the hand on your arm he brought you into his chest, letting go of your hand with his other and wrapping it securely around your back.

you rest your cheek against his chest, bringing your own arms up around his torso, and revelled in the feeling of his embrace. listening to his elevated heartbeat, you wondered if he could feel just how hard yours was beating too.

"when you came crashin' through that door the next mornin', alive, i swear i've never been so relieved. but then you wouldn't wake up, and you were covered in so much blood… i…" his voice breaks, actually breaks, and you try to lift your head to look at him, but his hand on your arm moves up and presses into the back of your head, holding you tight against him. "...i was fuckin' terrified, love." he whispered.

"... why didn't you visit me?" the question you'd been meaning to ask all along, the real reason you had been upset at him.

you feel him press his lips into the top of your head, gently rocking you both where you stand. the crutch falls from your arm, but neither of you make any move to retrieve it.

"i couldn't. i couldn't face you, layin' in that hospital bed, hooked up to all them machines… knowin' it was my fault…"

"Hey, you know it wasn’t…" you murmur with disapproval; as much as you hate to admit it, you dug yourself into that hole.

"fuck, i'm– so fucking sorry love,"

"don't apologise… please, you did what you had to," you lift your head, and you can look him in the face again. his eyes were slightly red; if your heartstrings were pulled anymore they'd surely break. "plus, i was never really mad at you anyway."

he huffs out a small chuckle, his breath fanning over your face, the crease in his brow melting away as your eyes meet, "well ain't that a relief?"

"i thought you were pissed at me, and that's why you didn't visit…" you clear your throat and avoid his gaze, "i mean, i did lock myself in a building full of hostiles… not my finest moment,"

"no. as stupid as you are sometimes, i could never be angry at you." 

"that is a relief."

a quiet overcomes the two of you, standing in eachothers arms as the evening sun casts the room in an orange glow. you wanted to stay like this for the rest of time, but it was getting increasingly difficult to ignore the voice in the back of your head that said this was inappropriate. the way he was talking, holding you, had your hopes high, just like that night before the mission. the one where you went to bed disappointed. it didn't help that you were expecting the let-down now, if anything it only made your heart sink even lower.

you notice that, exactly like you, john was staring at you with an unreadable expression on his face. you tilt your head, wordlessly urging him to tell you what's going on. he sighs, scanning the multitude of cuts and scrapes that litter your face, "i promise you, i will never let anything like that happen again, alright?"

"i believe you." you smile softly, and you do; of course you do, you'd trust him with your life. it wasn't something you'd admit out loud, but you would do just about anything if he asked you to.

"i swear, i'm not lettin' you outta my sight." the look on his face has you squirming is his grasp, under the intense gaze he pinned you with.

"alright, i get it," you chuckle, your face heating up at the implication. this was doing nothing for the enormous crush you were harbouring. shuffling backwards slightly, you put enough space between you that you can comfortably rest your hands on his chest.

"i don't think you do, love," you feel his chest rumble as he speaks, and his gaze becomes serious, "i coulda' lost you. i thought i did. fuck, when soap and gaz came outta there without you? i thought my heart'd stopped… i just– i…"

it was rare to see your captain so lost for words. you feel his heart beat faster under your fingertips, the distant look in his eyes giving away the internal debate he was surely having.

"john?"

"if i'm out of order, say the word and we can forget all about this, but vantage…" his voice was low, and you felt your cheeks heat up to a boiling point as he cradled your face with one hand and leaned in closer, chest to chest again. the anticipation and the proximity might just make you sick. "you mean the world to me, i don't know what i'd do with myself if i lost you."

was that… what you thought it was? it sounded an awful lot like a confession, and you really really wanted it to be, but… was it too good to be true?

the lack of a response from you had john pulling back with an uncharacteristic cough that radiated embarrassment. he let go of your face, hovering next to your cheek as if he couldn't bear to let go, and you frown at the absence of his warmth.

"just ignore me, i shouldn't've–" he begins to back-pedel, going to move away from you before you cut him off.

"no!" you exclaim, with a bit more panic than you intended, and grasp his shirt in your fists to keep him close. "i get it, i really do. i- i care about you too, probably a lot more than a teammate should." your face heats up at the admission, and he lights up with surprise. "i think i always have."

slowly, he moves his hand back to its place cupping your jaw, searching your eyes for any signs that he was misinterpreting your response. when he found none, he smiled at you so genuinely you doubted anyone had ever been so sincere towards you.

"yeah?" he murmurs, the slight disbelief gone from his expression but still present in his voice.

"yes, john," you mirror his tone, bringing a hand up to hold the back of his neck. his skin burned hot under your touch.

"well thank god for that," his voice is barely a whisper now, as he draws your lips closer to his. the air separating you felt thick enough to be cut.

you let your eyes fall closed, and with a small burst of confidence, you lean forward and close the final distance between the two of you. he kisses you so tenderly, with so much emotion, it makes your head spin. you sigh into him, tilting your head and pressing yourself impossibly closer, revelling in the feeling of being in his arms at last. all your many months of pining had led up to this moment, and you felt like your heart might just burst. regretfully, you find yourself needing to break away for air, and to your delight he follows your lips as you pull back.

"maybe i should get injured more often, if this is what i get," you breathe, a dazed smile on your face as both your eyes flutter open, and his chest rumbles under your hand with a deep chuckle.

"you better not; i'll have your head if you do, love."

✹✹✹

[crienneoftarth]

Wildest Dreams pt. III

Larissa Weems x inexperienced!fem reader

notes: pls don’t ask why it took so much less time to write this chapter… im sure you can guess. once again, ive never written smut so… im doing my best. also i am not here for realism, but for fun. so if shit does not make sense, that’s not on me tbh lmao

warnings: THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY SMUTTY. 18+ only! mommy kink, oral (cunnilingus), strap-on, reader is SO subby (a bit of self insert mayhaps)

🖤 part I, II, and ao3 🖤

As you straddle her thighs, you suddenly become very aware of how wet you already are for her. You wanted her so badly and now she would definitely be able to tell. It was impossible to hide, especially after she began to kiss you again and you couldn’t help but buck your hips, aching for a moment of contact. The older woman chuckles at your eagerness in between kisses.

Her voice lowers into almost a grow and she grabs your hips tightly, “I can feel how bad you want me, my thigh is soaked from your grinding…”

Just her saying that made it even worse. In that tone, her accent, it was too much. You try to hide in her neck out of embarrassment. “I-I’m sorry, Larissa…” You were basically out of breathe at this point but you tried to hold yourself still.

You feel her long fingers and nails snake their way into your hair before she whispers, “Don’t be sorry, pet. Keep going and don’t stop until I say so, understood?”

Whimpering softly as you nod, her fingers now tugging at your hair and her lips trailing kisses down your neck. “No… I need to hear you say it… Use your words for me, darling.”

“I understand, Larissa.” You manage to say, as you feel her other hand coming up your thigh and your hips begin to grind against her, once again.

The blonde can’t help but moan at the sound of her name, “Mmmm… I do love hearing my name coming out of your pretty mouth, but I would much prefer mommy… Can you do that for me?”

“Y-yes, mommy. I’ll do anything you ask!” Your hips begin to move faster, needlessly begging for more contact. Larissa’s lips are still on your neck, slowly leaving red lipstick and purple marks on your skin. The blonde hums into the crook of your neck as her fingers reach your lace panties, “Such a good girl, I suppose it’s time for me to reward you for being so obedient.” Suddenly her fingers pull your panties to the side before plunging one finger into your core. You cry out as she fills you and begins to thrust her palm against your swollen clit.

Larissa hasn’t stopped nipping at your neck even as she’s fucking you, “Will you take another finger for me, sweetling?”

“Yes, mommy-! Please…” You were already so close to cumming but you waited for permission. Larissa eagerly pushed another finger inside, moaning at the feeling of your slick folds taking her so easily.

“‘Rissa… M-mommy, I’m so close already…!” You stumble on your words, completely out of breath as your hips vigorously move against her hand.

“Oh, is that so, darling? Well I’m not sure I want you to cum quite yet. I have other plans for you.” She snickers as she pulls her fingers out of your aching core. You let out a whimper as her nails graze over your clit, your eyes are practically full of needy tears as you realize that she’s stopped.

“Don’t worry, pet. If you keep being good, I’ll finish you off.” You watch as she slowly brings her fingers that were just inside of you to her faded red lips. Your eyes meet as she sticks out her tongue, licking your juices from them, before pulling them into her mouth and letting out a deep moan. After a moment, she pulls them out with a popping sound.

“Fuck, you taste divine. I wouldn’t expect any less from such a beautiful woman.” She leans forward and pulls you into a deep kiss. Her tongue pushes its way into your mouth, the faint taste of you on her tongue causes you to moan. You pull away from her lips and take her hand, pushing the same two fingers in your mouth. The blonde smiles and closes her eyes as your tongue dances around her long fingers. After a moment, she pulls them back out and gently kisses you.

Your pupils fully dilated with lust and yearning, you ask what she would like for you to do.

Larissa giggles softly, “So eager to please, hmm? So adorable. Here… I want you to do something for me now, alright?”

You nod obediently. Your legs were weak and shaky but you managed to get up off of her lap and sit on the soft mattress next to her. She grins and stands up in front of you. Turning around, she loops her fingers around both straps of her dress. She glances back to see you staring with your mouth practically on the floor. You blush as she laughs at you, before facing away again and slowly pulling her dress down her delicate curves.

The pale blue dress falls to the floor and you realize that the older woman wasn’t wearing anything underneath the entire time. You blush thinking about how close you were to her and you were none the wiser.

You studied each of her silver curls that laid gently over her shoulders and back before tracing the rest of her pale curves. You could stare at her forever and memorize every freckle, wrinkle and line. The tall woman turns around in her heels and gives you another moment to take in your new view of her body. She giggles as you inhale sharply at the sight of her. “Do me a favor, sweetheart? There’s a… Treat for you in the bottom drawer of the nightstand there.”

You swallow roughly before leaning over the bed, reaching the bottom drawer she mentioned. Your mind went through the million things that could await you as you slowly opened it, revealing a blue silicone dildo that was already attached to a harness. Your eyes widened and you looked over at Larissa, who had a devilish smile on her face. “Bring it here, won’t you, my darling?”

Your face was hot as you walked over to her, dildo in hand. “Thank you, sweetling. Now, go ahead get those clothes off for me, alright? I’ll help you into this.”

Your eyes grow big while she takes the toy in her hand, slowly stepping out of your skirt and removing the blouse you were wearing. She examines you closely as you strip before leaning over to help you into the harness. You step into it carefully and she pulls it up over your legs, adjusting the straps tightly.

“I-I’ve never worn one of these… I’m not sure I know what to do…” You say nervously as she stands back up in front of you. You try not to look at the toy protruding from your pelvis, embarrassed at how you look to her.

She gently takes your face in one hand, “I know you’ll be perfect. And if you feel uncomfortable or want to stop, please, don’t hesitate to tell me. Okay, sweetheart?”

You kiss her hand and nod, “I’ll be okay, I’m just nervous.”

“I’ll teach you, you’ll be a pro in no time, I promise.” She giggles and pulls you into a kiss. After a few kisses, she steps back and lays back onto the bed. You blush at the sight of her spreading her thighs for you. You still couldn’t believe you had even gotten into this situation at all, let alone with such a goddess of a woman. You were shy but tried to be as confident as you possibly could, to please her. Climbing onto the bed, she smiled at you as you got in a comfortable position between her legs.

“I want your tongue in me first… Will you do that?”

“Of course, mommy. Anything for you…” You had been waiting all night to taste her and now she was spread just for you. You could see that she was dripping onto the sheets, just the sight of her like this was enough to send you over the edge. Laying on your stomach in front of her, you kiss down her thighs and leave little nibbles as you approach closer to her center. She was already moaning and whimpering at the feeling of your teeth against her soft skin.

Her fingers tangled themselves in your hair as you started to gently lap up her wet folds. After a moment of teasing her clit, she pulls your head closer. “Y-your tongue… Feels so good, darling. I want to feel it inside me. No more teasing.” She tells you sternly, trying not to beg but you could tell she was on the verge of whimpering for you. As much as you wanted to teaser her a little longer, you did as you were told and your tongue made its way into her warm center. Her thighs quickly tightened around your head as your tongue explored her, you pushed them back apart without thinking of the possible consequences. All she could do was moan at your sudden change in confidence, “That’s a good girl… You feel so fucking good.”

Her hips began to buck against the motions of your tongue and the vibrations of your own moans against her. She pulls up your head, both of you out of breath and her wetness glistening on your chin, “Put that cock to good use for me now, okay? I know you’ll be perfect for mommy.”

You climb up to her lips to kiss her and she licks the juices from your face, before pulling you into a kiss. One of your hands makes its way to her hardened nipple, gently squeezing as you begin to kiss down her chin and neck. You take the other nipple into your mouth as you continue to gently pinch the other between your fingers.

“Baby… Fuck… I want you inside of me so bad…” She lets out in between pornographic moans.

Your tongue flicks her nipple before biting down and she cries out as your teeth graze the sensitive skin. “Fuck me, right now…” she orders, roughly pulling the toy to her cunt. “Put your fucking cock in me now!”

You waste no time and do as you're told, pushing the toy inside of her slowly at first. The moan she lets out once you’re fully inside of her makes your body shiver. You take a moment to get used to the motions, watching her every reaction to your movements, wishing you were actually inside of her and feeling her walls contract around you. You can’t take your eyes off of each other. Even as she squirms underneath you, her eyes stay locked onto yours, glossed over with lust.

She wanted every inch of the toy you were pushing into her eager cunt. “More, darling… I can take it, you can be a little rough with me…” She says breathlessly, chuckling softly, her breasts moving to the rhythm of your thrusts. You want her to cum so badly, you want to please her, so you move your hips harder and faster against her. The sound of your bodies hitting each other gets louder as you continue to push deeper inside her.

“Oh my god… I knew you would be so good at this. Fuck, you feel so good inside me.”

You watch as her beautiful blue eyes roll back into her head and her back arches as you move into a slower rhythm, leaning over and burying your face into her neck. She drags her fingernails down your back and you cry out. “Don’t whine. I didn’t tell you to slow down, pet. You don’t get to stop until I say so.” She sternly growls into your ear. You quickly return to speed, you could never refuse what she asks of you.

“Good. Fucking. Girl. You don’t get to stop until I cum all over your cock, understand?”

“Y-yes, mommy… I won’t stop, I promise…” You manage to say and continue pounding into her. The feeling of the harness pushing against your own clit made it difficult to not orgasm yourself, but you knew you would be punished if you let yourself cum before her. But maybe you wanted to be punished by her… Maybe you wanted her to throw you over her knee and spank you until tears spilled down your cheeks and your ass was completely red. Maybe you wanted her to tie you to the bed and made you watch her fuck herself without letting you touch her. The thought of her disciplining you and absolutely ruining you causes your entire body to quiver.

Then you hear her. She screams out your name as she’s on the verge of orgasming. You never wanted anyone else to say your name ever again, it belonged to her.

You belonged to her.

And you both knew it.

You lean back upright so you can witness her beautiful face as she cums for you. Your hands steady her hips as you keep thrusting as deep as you can into her dripping cunt. Her hands grip the sheets on either side of her as she cries out, screaming endless profanities. You were honestly impressed with yourself that you could make her feel this way with your inexperience. But you had no time to get cocky before you realized her back had arched off of the bed as she reached climax… At last, it had happened so fast and yet it felt like hours.

The cock was pushed out by her contracting walls, causing her to let out a whine when it came out of her. You looked down and saw the soaking mess you made of her and you licked your lips with delight and desire.

She smiles at you and between heavy breaths she says, “I appreciate your enthusiasm, sweetheart, but I do believe it’s time for me to thank you properly.”

⋆ ✩₊˚ ʚ♡ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

tag list (let me know if you’d like to be added!)-

@aemilia19

[sipsteainanxiety]

okay sooooo while procrastinating on my responsibilities i decided to make a giant list of the bkg/reader fics i've read (so far) on ao3. here's a link to the tumblr fic rec list i made a while ago too lol. please keep in mind that not all of these works are sfw!! i will label the nsfw-containing ones ofc but, as always, be cautious!

note: these are all LONG FICS. as in i sorted the bkg/reader tag on ao3 by word count and kept going until i hit works with abt 5k words. i might continue to add onto this list as i read more LOL idk

be still, just for me by WitchofWriting. this is THE bkg isekai fic tht i'm sure everyone has read lol. contains nsfw. there's also tedium in blue (mermaid bkg). i think that was one of the first bkg fics ive ever read and it will always be special to me LOL

of snowscapes & explosions by sugarbun. tbh i haven't finished this yet but from what i did read it's good!! canon compliant

other by Deadite. also haven't finished this one yet but it's a kind of coraline au!! interesting stuff tbh

enouement by LadysDaze. i read this fic a looooong time ago so i can't rmb much but it was p interesting! it's a choose your own ending type fic. there's also memento mori (fantasy fic w good worldbuilding tbh), entangle, expecting the unexpected (pregnancy/family fic), star-crossed (fantasy), blood bond (vampire bkg) and its sequel blood union tht i haven't read yet sdjfdfkg

misery business by siegmunde. OHHHMYYGODDD this fic. i was obsessed with it omg. i cannot even explain how insane it made me. has nsfw at end

cruel world by lydiasgrace. idt i finished this one but i do like villain reader LOL

like ghosts in snow by Jupiters_Witch. genuinely i think this fic ruined me /pos. vampire au & does contain nsfw things!! mind the tags

surrender (whenever you're ready) by OfMermaids (hi merms!!). THIS FIC. CHANGED MY LIFE!!! literally anything by merms is sososo good. i want to eat them all whole. on loop in my head 24/7!! contains nsfw btw. there's also the widening sky (mermaid bkg tht made me sad for days) and on my way (to you).

white curtains by arsonphobic. tbh i havent finished this one too but its got an older (by a yr) reader whom i liked! canon compliant i think

our love at sunset by LittleSponge. horizon zero dawn au. very well done imo. ending made me cry LOL (in a good way). contains nsfw

uncharted by NyxRedfoxWinchester. reader's quirk in this is soooo fucking cool to me. i read it a while ago so i dont rmb a lot but like i rmb the quirk and bkg LMFAO.

zigzags by hokshi. i can't rmb this fic all too well either but ik i liked it LOL. contains nsfw!!

newsflash, asshole (i kinda love you) by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room. fake dating au!! idt it contains nsfw but it has some steamy parts

i melt with you by art_deco_deity. i am so sad this fic hasn't been updated in a hot min bc its genuinely got fantastic bkg characterization!!!

garden of lungs by 0weCrew. ive read so many hanahaki aus that they've blurred together but this was v good!

exiles by BookWormOnAString. i'm currently reading this one actually! fantasy au with dragon kiri!!

how're your hands? by Spazztastic. another fic i read a long time ago. it's canon compliant i blv but i rly liked the reader tbh

body switch up by Fandomness_randommess. a body swap au if the title wasn't obvious enough LOL. it was interesting reading how both reader and bkg dealt with their predicament here pfft

husband for hire by btp. also currently reading this!! stardew au! there's also boîte de pandore. v good shit

gemini syndrome by opal_vortex. LMAOOOO this was such a fun read ngl. masked singer au!! will contain nsfw

mistletoe by WhenSarahSmiles. this is a UA christmas/new year's booklet that is sooooo well done tbh. i love bkg in it. super cute

and you take me the way i am by willowser (hi will!!). pro hero bkg in this >>>>> he is so AHHHH!! makes me insane. very well written!! contains slight nsfw.

bar tool by thunderhead. LMAO this is like a bar and band au combined?? i loooveeee bkg in this and his interactions with reader pfft. contains nsfw

sugar scorched by restwellsoon. culinary au!! bkg is like gordan ramset ngl LMAOO its rly cute imo and very detailed wrt the cooking things from what i rmb. idt it has nsfw

war paint by andypantsx3. i love how andie writes bkg tbh. he makes me wanna beat him up. there's also statistically significant, and cover shot (through the heart). all of them contain nsfw!!

learning your love language by hokshi. the author has the tag 'when ur love language is getting punched in the face' on this fic and honestly? LMAOOO so true for bkg. contains nsfw!!

oil paintings and late night jam sessions by insanityrunsinthe_family. this was also one of the first bkg fics i've ever read and it is so so so good. it's college au bkg and i looovee every part of it.

the phoenix by orphan_account. i'm so sad this fic was dropped but its plot is genuinely so interesting to me. it's more aizawa/reader tho tbh.

sleeping in the garden by Petrichorium (hi loriii<3). i will ALWAYS plug this fic. single dad bkg au!! sososo fcking good, trust. will contain nsfw

jealousy, jealousy by lytters. i think i rbed this on tumblr already but its such a fun read tbh LOL.

fathoms below by 32Q27. i'd started reading this and didn't get to finish bc life. mermaid au!!

a fractured flame by Magicow12. fantasy au!! very entertaining from what i rmb! contains nsfw

breath of a dragon by free_deku. i rec'd this before but im doing it again bc it's that good omg. fantasy & reincarnation au. contains nsfw!!

bakugô wants a ride. by Bragi. LMAO contrary to the title i dont think it has nsfw pfft. mechanic reader tht bkg's crushin on!!

turning page by rhydonium. THIS IS ALSO SOO GOOD omg i almost forgot abt it. god bkg!!!! i literally cannot describe how good it is.

[bvckbiter]

What is your favourite fic you ever wrote/are currently writing?

And also do you have any fic recs with Alabaster? I just finished Son of Magic a few weeks ago due to my friend's insistence lol

oh. oh my god. i love when people ask me about fics i love when people ask me about writing stuff i love when people ask me for recs. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok i will be Very Normal for this ask. proceeding,

i dont think i could be asked to pick a Favorite™️ fic because ive written (and left unpublished and/or unfinished) so many and theyre quite a variety and all very near n dear to me for different reasons. i think my zylla fic has some of my "prettiest" writing. (yes it's unfinished but i have a lot of love for the pairing, so i still do want to finish it, but the finale chapter is so SO daunting that my brain just kinda goes blank when i open the numerous drafts i have.) among the ones i'm actively working on rn, from eden (percalabeth/smartwatermagic fic) and a lukalypso wip are what my brain is currently picking at bc the relationship dynamics make my brain go brrrrrrr. unfortunately i like writing complicated af relationships so... my favorite fics are also the ones giving me the hardest time HAHAHHAAHAH

and on finishing Son of Magic recently; WELCOME TO THE CLUB!! join the dark side hehehe he's so blorbo-shaped. alabaster fic recs below the cut because i fear this is getting quite long...

Quintessence by amallpena - HoO rewrite with Alabaster in the crew and Jason/Alabaster as the pairing; super fascinating!

Heroes Never Die (Right?) by @m4gp13 - a fic about Ethan's last few days before his dead, amazingly and painfully written; Alabaster is not the main character here but he and Ethabaster are very prominent. If Alabaster's tidbit about the post-Manhattan TA amnesty/massacre fascinated you, this will tickle your brain

servete by @chirp-featherfowl - oneshot glimpse into life on the Princess Andromeda; The Implications of the Hecate Siblings™️...

prelude to sunrise by crystallines - sigh... the canon divergence au where alabaster saves ethan's life... these boys deserve happiness

river (@everythingwasalreadypicked) and phoenix (@phoenix--flying) each also have a SHIT TON of lovely alabaster fics in their ao3 profiles, too many to rec here xD idk how these guys write so much its crazy

[silverofthunder]

☆ i'll wait for you ☆

Papa Emeritus IV x GN reader || AO3

summary: It was supposed to be only six months intership kind of thing. The original plan had been: go there, do you job and then leave. You weren't ready for any unwanted feelings to blossom. But then you met Copia and something changed. The walls around you started to crack little by little.

content: 3.2k words, gn!reader, hurt/comfort, fluff, romance, friends to lovers (kinda), bad attempt at humor, references to past abusive relationship (just mentioned that past has been difficult, mostly left open to interpretation)

I wasn't supposed to write for this fandom but my brain decided otherwise. 🙈 It's been about three years since I've last written anything so this isn't my best work, obviously. Nonetheless, I had missed writing so much and I really enjoyed writing this so I guess that's all that counts. ♡

”You should go!” your friend said, sounding way too excited. ”You said you wanted a change of scenery so this is your chance!”

You stared at the letter in your hand and then looked up at your friend. They nodded, smiling.

You shook your head, sighing. ”Okay, I guess I’ll do it then.”

And that’s how you found yourself standing in front of the Sister Imperator at the Ministry.

”Is everything clear now?”

”Yes, Sister,” you answered, taking a pile of books and papers from the table. ”One question --”

you were interrupted by the door opening and someone rushing in.

”You’re late,” Sister Imperator remarked, clearly a bit irritated. The man who had come in drew in a long breath, looking a bit apologetic and came to stand beside you.

”Copia, here is your assistant. I have given them short briefing, the rest is yours to decide.”

Your eyes met his mismatched ones and you smiled politely – or at least tried to smile. Copia returned the smile, then taking a slight bow.

”Pleased to meet you.”

The first few weeks were quite hectic as you tried your best to keep up with your assistant chores and stay as far from Sister Imperator as possible. There was something in her that made you feel so uncomfortable.

You were now walking in the garden outside, enjoying the short break you had been granted. It was nice to explore more of the Ministry area, and properly take it all in. You breathed in the fresh air, then slowly releasing it out.

At first you had thought that coming here had been a mistake but now it didn’t seem that bad. Copia had made you feel welcome and it was actually nice to work with him – or for him. He certainly was intriguing, and you couldn’t wait to get to know the man more.

You had also met the ghouls and they were a bit intimidating but also interesting creatures. So human-like but still not human. They hadn’t talked much, only looked at you with curiosity, and you took it that they didn’t mind you being there and working with Copia.

”Would you like to have a dinner with me today?” Copia asked quietly, and you nearly knocked over your ink bottle.

Oh shit, you cursed in your mind. It wasn’t an unusual question, so there was no need to react that way. But still, it had surprised you.

”It’s okay if you--”

”Yes, I would like that very much.”

You were afraid that you might have sounded too eager but Copia didn’t seem to notice anything. The smile was tugging at his lips as nodded slightly before burying himself in his work again. Something inside you jolted but you ignored it as you moved your gaze back to your papers, a small smile still plastered on your lips.

It became a habit, that you two ate dinner together. Soon you even started spending more time together outside of work and you could easily admit that you enjoyed Copia’s company. He was kind, funny and slightly awkward but it only made him more endearing.

You two grew closer day by day, and so grew the feeling somewhere deep within you. At first you you just ignored it, thinking it was just some temporary glitch in your system.

But you knew what it was. And you knew it most likely wouldn’t go away.

Something you weren’t yet ready for had started to blossom.

You couldn’t sleep so you decided to go to the part of the Ministry library that had become your favorite. You sat down on the chair and and switched on the lamp on the table next to it.

For a moment you just sat there and then you unlocked your phone, searching for one secific conversation. You didn’t need to read it again since it all was still clear as a day in your head but you still went through the messages.

It hurt to read them. It always did. Not so much nowadays but the pain was still there, nonetheless. You were pretty sure it would never truly go away, no matter how much time passed.

A few tears fell to your cheeks as you closed the conversation, locking the phone. Sudden rustling startled you and you almost dropped you phone.

”Sorry, tesoro, didn’t mean to scare you,” Copia’s familiar, soothing voice made you relax. You quickly wiped away the tears and turned to look at him.

”Hi,” you said, attempting to smile. ”What are you doing here?”

Copia didn’t answer straight away, he looked at you with concern and you shifted on the chair.

”What’s troubling you, my dear?”

You sighed, looking straight into his eyes. You hadn’t really spoke about your past, especially your painful past, and only a few of your friends and your parents knew what you had gone through. Copia seemed genuinely worried, he pulled another chair closer, sat down and took your hands in his.

”It’s a long story,” you stated. ”And not a pretty story.”

Copia’s brows furrowed as he squeezed your hands.

”We have all night.”

The plan had been very clear: go to the Ministry, do your job and then leave. There wasn’t supposed to be any unwanted feelings involved. Your love life had been a bitch in the past and you had sworn that you had no time for crushes or anything like that.

But it seemed that dear Satan had another plan for you and now you had to deal with an undeniable crush on Copia. The sweetest man you had ever met. Who, despite now knowing about your past, had not run as far as he could or had not called the whole internship thing off. Who still treated you with the same respect as he had done straight from the start.

Basically it seemed like nothing had changed – maybe there hadn’t on his side. But what came to you… Everything had changed.

And it scared the hell out of you.

”Keep your eyes closed,” Copia instructed and you kept your eyes closed, excitement bubbling at the bottom of your stomach. You could hear Copia moving in front of you, mumbling something and letting out some quiet funny noices every once in a while.

”Now it’s all set, open your eyes.”

You did as was told and the sight before you took you by surprise. On the ground there was a blanket with plates, wine glasses and a basket full of food on it. The lights on the trees casted a faint glow upon it and before them opened up a lovely lake view. For a moment you couldn’t do anything but stare at the whole setting.

”It might be too much but I--”

”No, it’s beautiful, I…” you trailed off and took a hold of Copia’s hands, your gaze meeting his. Copia shifted slightly, and you pulled him closer, freeing your other hand and lifting it up to brush you fingers along his cheek.

The look in Copia’s eyes softened as he leaned into your touch.

”I just want to know. Why? Why all of this?” your voice was barely a whisper.

”You really haven’t realized it yet?” Copia sounded almost hurt and you shook you head, a knot forming in your stomach.

Of course you had your suspicions. The way Copia had acted around you, the slight touches, the softness in his gaze, the moments you had caught him staring at you and the faintest of red had started to adorn his cheeks and ears.

You weren’t ready for this, voicing the feelings part. It was too hard.

”Can we just… not talk about it now?” you pleaded, cupping Copia’s face. The look in Copia’s eyes was devastating and it made your heart break a little. But you knew he understood.

”Let’s just enjoy this now,” you suggested, caressing Copia’s cheeks with your thumbs. ”I need more time.”

Copia offered you a sad smile, nodding. You really hadn’t much time since the internship was about to end in two months. But for now, you didn’t want anything to change.

”I really don’t deserve you.”

Sighing Copia wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in a hug. It felt a like comforting blanket but also like you were letting something huge go.

Why were feelings so hard?

”You did what?!” your friend basically screeched at the other end of the line. ”Oh god, you’re such an idiot!”

”Thanks, that really made me feel better,” you remarked while pacing in your room.

”Oh, sorry, but honestly, what’s the problem?”

”You know what’s this all about.”

Your friend let out an angry sigh and you tried not to laugh. They were so dramatic sometimes.

”You can’t let your past define your future. From what you’ve told, it seems like he really likes you and you definitely like him back. He’s a good man, right?”

”Yes, he seems to be. Too good even,” you answered, a small smile tugging at your lips. Your friend let out a little laugh.

”I can hear you smiling.”

”I’m not,” you tried, knowing well your friend wouldn’t buy it.

”Sure you’re not. Honestly, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”

That was a good question and you really had no sensible answer.

”He could break my heart?”

You could hear your friend try to keep it together. They drew in a long breath, slowly releasing it.

”That’s the risk you’ve got to take when it comes to love.”

”Yeah...” you said quietly, knowing that your friend was right.

For the past few weeks hadn’t been easy. Copia seemed to avoid you – or at least keep more distance – and your conversations had shortened greatly. He still seemed to be a bit hurt by your rejection, though you didn’t count it as a proper rejection. Now, whenever you two were on the same room, he looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself and it made your heart ache. A part of you wanted to just go and comfort him and the other part was holding onto the walls around you that had started to crack.

You had around six weeks left and everything was a mess. The ghouls were sending very intimidating and hard glances at you when you happened to pass them by. They were pretty protective of Copia and now you basically had given them a reason to be on the alert. They hadn’t seemed to mind about you at first and you didn’t see them that often but now a few of them seemed to keep a closer eye on you.

It was just your luck that everything had gone to south. You kicked a stone in the ground while walking on the yard and cursed in your mind.

”What did that stone do to you?”

The question made you jump and you turned around fast, meeting Copia’s slightly amused gaze. Your brain short-circuited and for a moment you just stared at him.

”Nothing”, you answer after a while, now mentally kicking yourself. Copia hummed, stepping closer to you until he was standing right in front of you. Your heart rate sped up a bit and you could feel the warmth on your cheeks.

”Tesoro mio…” Copia started quietly. ”I’m sorry I’ve been a bit distant lately.”

”It’s my fault. I…” you trailed off, shaking your head.

”I never meant to scare you. It was too much and too soon.”

Copia’s eyes were filled with emotion and your heart stung.

”It’s just… My past… I’m afraid I get hurt again.”

Copia seemed to hold back tears and it made you tear up.

”I could never hurt you. Not like that.”

You closed your eyes, tears starting to flow. Hands took a hold of yours but you didn’t dare to open your eyes.

”I’ll wait for you.”

For now, that was all you needed to hear and you took a step forward, wrapping your arms around Copia.

You were going through papers, reading some parts here and there but the text seemed blurred. It was no wonder as you had slept badly for the past few nights as the nightmares had plagued you.

”It’s third time you go through the same pile”, Copia stated, worry evident in his voice. ”You seem tired. Have you not slept at all?”

You checked the papers again and he was right, you had already organized them. No wonder everything had looked so alike. With a loud sigh you dropped your head onto the table.

”The nightmares have started again so no, I haven’t really slept.”

”Again?”

”They come and go. Usually they bother me for a few nights and then it might be several weeks before they come again”, you explained, lifting your head up and meeting Copia’s eyes. The look in them was filled with worry.

”Is it…?” Copia didn’t finish the question, he didn’t need to. You just nodded.

”Can I help somehow?”

”Maybe…” you started, hesitating a bit. ”...if you could stay the next night with me?”

The look in Copia’s eyes softened, a small smile tugging at his lips.

”I can do that, though I’m not sure if that actually helps.”

You shrugged, flashing Copia a slight grin. ”Well, we won’t know if we don’t try it, right?”

Copia laughed.

”I guess the floor is mine, then.”

Your eyes widened as Copia grinned and you grabbed some trash from the table and threw it at him. He pretended to be offended by that.

”You… old man! You’re definitely sleeping on the floor.”

Copia shook his head in amusement before standing up and coming to you. You had no time to react as he pulled you up and lifted you up. You grabbed onto his shoulders as he spun you two around, your laughter echoing in the room.

This was it. This was how you wanted everything to be. Or at least a part of you wanted.

As Copia finally let you down, your eyes met again. The warmth in his eyes made your heart soar, awakening the part you had wanted to keep asleep.

The part that wanted to kiss him so badly.

You stepped away from him, still smiling, and the moment was gone.

Even thought it wasn’t supposed to happen, that night you still ended up sleeping in the same bed. Copia’s arms where wrapped around you, his breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

There was no nightmares that night, only cozy warmth, peace and safety.

”So are you two now together or what?” your friend sounded confused on the phone.

”No, we’re not together,” you said. ”It’s complicated but everything is well now. We can have fun and just be us like we used to be before… you know.”

”Okay… But you just said that you have been sharing a bed with him? And you’re just friends?”

”Yes and yes.”

”Alright… That’s really confusing,” your friend stated. ”But I’m happy that you seem to be doing better now.”

”Me too.”

There was a short moment of silence before your friend spoke again.

”Have you thought about what’s gonna happen when your internship ends? There’s only like… three weeks left, right?”

”Three weeks, yes,” you confirmed. ”No, I haven’t really thought about it.”

Your friend let out a long sigh.

”You should think about it. And goddammit, make your move already or I will come there and kick your stupid asses!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that threat.

”I was about to make a move some time ago,” you admitted and your friend screeched so loud your ear hurt.

”What?! What do you mean?”

”We had a… moment and we were pretty close and I almost… kissed him. I mean I wanted to kiss him, but didn’t.”

”Dammit, you oaf! Oh god, I’m probably gonna get a heart attack before anything happens between you two.”

”That’s possible,” you laughed. ”Okay, I need to go now, I will call you again at some point.”

”Yeah, go to your man! Bye!”

Shaking your head smiling you said your goodbyes and hung up.

The days went by fast and ending of the internship had now come. You had spent as much time with Copia as possible and it had been amazing. It was hard to explain how you felt with him. Even though you hadn’t been easy to be with, he had stayed. If something would have made people run away from you, it would have been your past.

But not Copia. He had taken your past as a part of you, understanding the weight of it on your shoulders.

Falling in love was supposed to be a beatiful thing but to you it had been one of the greatest fears for several years. And now you had had to face that fear, try to open your heart and break the walls around you.

It wasn’t easy when your heart wanted one thing and the head told the opposite. But maybe, just maybe, you had started to see the beauty of falling in love again.

I’ll wait for you.

That had been a promise you never expected to hear. And it might have changed the course of everything.

As you now stood outside the Ministry, all your luggages beside your feet, waiting for your ride to arrive, you felt sad and like you were doing something you shouldn’t do. You had to admit that you really didn’t want to leave. Even though it hadn’t been easy, you still had enjoyed being there. It had been quite an experience, opening pages in your book you thought would never be opened again.

The car pulled over and the driver came to help you with the luggages.

”Trying to leave without saying goodbye?”

A small smile rose to your lips as you turned around, seeing Copia standing by the Ministry doors hands behind his back. Your heart ached as this was it.

The moment you had dreaded.

You asked the driver to wait for a moment and walked over to Copia, noticing the hint of sadness in his gaze. You two hadn’t still spoken about what you were and you knew that now was the time to make some things clear.

”Copia…” you started, cupping his face gently. He leaned into your touch, the look in his eyes changing hopeful as he set his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. You breathed slowly in, the mild, familiar scent of Copia filling your senses, comforting you.

You lingered in the moment because you didn’t want to let go. And neither did Copia, it seemed, as he just tightened his hold of you and rested his forehead against yours.

”Please…” he whispered.

Your heart made a little jump in your chest as you knew what he wanted. You pulled slightly back so you could look at him in the eyes. And that was the moment when all your doubts seemed to vanish and you let your heart make the decision.

With a fluttering heart you finally leaned in and kissed him. You felt Copia basically melt against you, his arms sliding around you, and it made you smile into the kiss.

A sudden clearing of throat broke your moment and you parted, both smiling in awe. Unfortunately it was time for you to go.

”I’ll come back”, you promised as you started to walk backwards towards the car.

Copia nodded, his face radiating happiness.

”I’ll wait for you.”

[robotnuts]

are there any rvb fics you still think about all the time? like i dont think a week goes by without thinking abt qed and how it def changed me on a molecular level, do you have any fics like that?

oooh good question. the most important fic is at the bottom of this post so just scroll to the final paragraph if you only want one, true recommendation of the only rvb fic that really matters.

QED is fantastic though its more of @shotgunslap's thing than mine. the partner to that is also obviously QoQ, the only rvb fic ive been able to make almost all my friends read. i think about the south/north characterization every day of my life. caboose and carolina mean so much to me, etc etc. thats a pretty easy pick though so im cracking into my ao3 bookmarks to look for more niche picks.

i know there was actually a lot of rvb fic that was just posted to tumblr that i think ive gone back and tried to reblog at some points but i never organized it, i should have archived it, people who wrote good femslash and rvb women liked to just post it under a readmore on their tumblrlog and you have to go digging through decades old tags to find it now

okay. the big one i actually do still think about all the time forever and ever is saltsanford's stuff about epsilon/wash's relationship. this is the big one i still think about that centers on their backstory, but also, put my guns in the ground, which is one of the Big fandom tuckington longfics, also has such good washpilon stuff in it and they're so fucking juicy. when tucker asks wash how many times he's broken his ribs and he says four and epsilon says "actually it was five" before realizing How Bad of a Move that would be. Hello? Hello?????? i want them to be forced to reimplant and have weird mind brain trauma sex SO BAD sorry im normal. this is another one that takes place during/after the chorus era

on the spectrum of fics that i actually dont yet feel ashamed reccomending, primtheamazing, who wrote QoQ, also wrote some other good stuff. i am a HUGE fan of this fusion fic, the punchline to the tucker/caboose fusion is HYSTERICAL. this one where grif forgets who simmons is due to temple shennanigans and flirts with him is also very like. trope-y but i like that shit so this goes here too

ok. now onto the stuff that it is actively embarrassing for me to be recommending. but. prim's logrimmons fic is hysterical and was the stepping stone to creating the lolixgrimmons mind palaces with my friends so its worth it just for that. but also its really fucking funny. so is the one where locus has to listen to them have sex and gets himself caught

the truly embarrassing one for me to have here is the piece of softboy grimmons content i participate in. sadly i do enjoy s15 content sometimes for the softboy grif sensitive emotions exploration i will admit to being a hypocrite there and i really liked that one and reread it frequently (just realized this is written by the QED person so! you might already know of it)

and then finally. the most important red vs blue fanfiction of all time, guns are for shooting. it has it all. sarge. washington. sarge again. kismesisitude. grif and simmons acting like rosencrantz and guildenstern (are dead). locus being invisible and getting caught by lopez with a bag of flour. it's written by the person who wrote QED. You want to read it right now. Read it right now. READ IT RIGHT N

wait no the cute bit about sarge declaring war on gravity and upending a bag of flour onto lopez isnt in guns for shooting. what fic is that from

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 10.16.2024

I keep meaning to do these on Tuesdays and they keep leaking over onto Wednesdays. Oh well. I'm going to keep striving for Tuesdays because I really don't want them leaking onto Thursdays.

Anyway, Bleach Returns! Week is over and I'm pretty happy with how I did. I got 4 artworks and two fanfics done: you can see all of my contributions here. I do have a little bit of Bonus Content to one of them that I am still hoping to finish up, but we'll see. I sort of lost my momentum entirely the minute I finished up that last fanfic, so if I don't get back to it, it won't be the end of the world for me.

I'm spending this week trying to get caught back up on stuff, both irl and online. I'm working on my ao3 inbox, which got woefully behind again, for which I am very sorry. My Tumblr drafts are also...substantial...again, but that's no one's problem but my own.

I am finally ready to actually get ready to work on a little in love again. I even looked at my notes and outline! The outline was a lot more filled in than I remembered it being, but I also somehow expected to get through act iv in 9 chapters which seems a little...spare to me. I took a break from reading Pride and Prejudice because my hold on The Goblin Emperor came in at the library, but it was worth it because I loved it and it was also Relevant to The Vibe. I keep trying to convince myself that I don't really need to re-read the first three acts of alil, but I am pretty sure that I do. I think I should finish up P&P about the same time I get the inbox taken care of, so that ought to line up pretty well.

I currently have about 8500 words from the last time I tried to work on this story, in various states of ready-for-primetime-ness. Sometime between now and next week, I hope to get sort of a baseline established so that I can start doing wordcounts again.

Oh, yeah, wordcounts. I have a spreadsheet where I keep track of how much actual writing I do (vs posting, which is what ao3 tracks and often isn't actually indicative of when I did the work). For the last two years, I have written about 110k per year, and I thought I had been doing pretty good this year, but it turns out I am only at 90k at the moment, so I would really like it if I could get at least another 20k by the end of the year. That seems pretty doable except for the fact that my Decembers are always shit, but maybe this one will be different! lolololol

I am really proud of how much drawing I have done recently, because I hadn't really done very at all this year. I'd like to try and keep that momentum, even if it's just doing a bit of a scribble every day from my art club prompts. Who knows, we'll see. I always found the banners for a little in love to be incredibly fun to do, and I'm looking forward to the possibility of making a couple of new ones.

[charmsandtealeaves]

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Okay this one I’m taking time to answer because I’m gonna use some real examples (because I never delete shit from my AO3 inbox and I'm feeling a little self-indulgent this morning) so strap in:

1. Comments left in the bookmarks. It’s rare, I’ve only ever had it happen twice. But it’s a little window into someone else’s view and I love that shit.

In one someone quotes a line from the fic itself and follows it up with “I’m gonna use that, maybe, once I get bitches, gotta cut my hair for that.” The once I get bitches part had me genuinely laugh out loud for the first time in I don’t know how long. I really hope their endeavour panned out for them 🤣

2. Comments that quote parts of your own fic. I love seeing what parts of a piece of dialogue or scene really resonated with people.

This was fantastic! Oh especially the whole show bit, I enjoyed it too damn much! So well-written and funny, I was grinning like crazy! “But I work in a morgue, so the guys at work are not exactly the sort of stiff I want to be picking up. Naked Attraction please help me find a man who isn’t mortified to go home with a mortician!” - I remember this from the snippets and it's brilliant!

3. Comments from the same username on several chapters of a multi chapter. Those people are the bees knees and fill me with the warm fuzzies.

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart soars whenever I see your name, @blondelunaa, @abihastastybeans and @practicecourts doing this. 10/10 kudos to you guys.

4. The “Sorry, I got too engrossed and forgot to comment” or “Re-reading!” Kind of comments. With fandom it sometimes feels like something is dead after a week without new kudos etc coming in. But comments like these prove that people are still reading and appreciating long after that.

Oooh ive gushed over this chapter before, but wow- this patronus scene is everything and more. I love the image of the stag, so powerful and magnificent - ima sucker for patronus reveals but this one takes the cake 🤩 and the end is perfect !!

5. The requests for more or a prequel/ sequel. Again rare (for me anyway). I got a few of these on a microfic but I’m gonna share the one:

I am obligated to inform you that I'm in dire need of a sequel. Or prequel. Or both, I won't complain...

6. The paragraph. I think these are the kind of comments everyone loves to get. Just a full paragraph of gushing about something you made.

Oh my goshhhh!!!! My heart!!!!!!! Thank you so very much for writing this <3 This is a perfect, heartfelt, beautiful glimpse into the "after" I requested. I'm so happy they resolved all their feelings! I love the sweet domesticity of the line "it's just me", like they're already an old married couple in Godrics, instead of two teenagers in the Heads Dorms. I feel like that line really helped set the tone of intimacy for the rest of the fic. I'm glad they talked about all their feelings and James doesn't have to be broody anyone xx Thank you for sharing Charms!

8. The full block caps shouting comment. The passion involved in that style of comment.

I SHOULD'VE BRACED MYSELF AFTER THAT AUTHOR'S NOTE

9. The one word/one liner comment. It's small but mighty.

This was fantastic!!!

This was fab. All the kudos to you 🌸 You are a very talented writer ⭐️

This was mad…I loved it

10. The comment from someone "fandom famous" who you thought wouldn't even know you exist. Exhilarating and also incredibly daunting when posting a WIP.

Ahhh the drama in this one!! Loved the James and Lily interactions. Sweet to see Alice and Lily's friendship in person for this one! Got some satisfaction from James hitting Pettigrew I won't lie lol. Glad to see Lily's not pregnant (yet)! Excited to see how you wrap this up!

11. The unexpected compliment comment. Someone paying your work a comment you weren’t expecting. I’ve highlighted a few here that I go back to when I feel like just throwing in the proverbial towel:

Hot damn, this is best court room scene I’ve ever read in fanfiction and most published novels. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! I’ve been devouring this fic quickly because the dialogue is so freaking good- the perfect combination of fun banter but with a realistic flow- I feel like I’m reading conversations with my own friends. Also I don’t know if this makes sense but they everyone’s Britishness jumps off the page in a way that I love.

Woah! Broken can be a beautiful place to start. Mind blowing and emotionally a masterwork

Just read all of this in one sitting, love your writing! Look forward to reading more of your fics

Asfjksagf this fic is amazing!! It's nighttime here now and I thought to myself that I would just read a couple chapters and then finish it tomorrow - but I COULD NOT put it down!!! Had to devour it all together!! It was just so novel, so interesting, so fun! And the final scene with James holding and hugging Lily from behind had me positively melting the whole time ;A; incredible! <3

I’ve just found this story and I binged the whole thing \o/ Thank you so much for sharing it. The soulmate concept can be so tricky to navigate and I imagine it’s hard to come up with fresh takes on the Lily/James Patronus storyline, but all of this came together so seamlessly and the narrative is so engaging. Such a lovely experience, and I’m incredibly grateful to have stumbled upon it! Phenomenally done! \o/

[watery-melon-baller]

3, 7, and 40 for weekend and belos'

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

ooooh theres so many i would never touch. the first one that comes to mind is accidental pregnancy which like. i dont even write romance much. also hate student/teacher. uhh nonromance id go with. uh. i cannot think of anything rn lmao

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

ooooh id have to go with a snippet from a shera fic i did a while back. torn between two but ill go with the shorter one just because. not sure what counts as a snippet oops.

"Adora rolls her eyes, but stands up to join them. As she runs over, she knows that she’ll trip over her dress several times, and their clothes will all be covered in grass stains that will take forever to wash out. But Adora is here, in a future where there is no war to fight, where they can laugh freely and love and she doesn't feel selfish anymore for wanting a happy ending."

bad at explaining myself but like. its the potential of a happy ending, of not everything being perfect but it good, and thats worth living for. its a whole metaphor about feminity and wartime and accepting yourself. that its okay to be safe now, its okay to be soft and vulnerable and to start healing. apologies for being incoherent

40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

ohohohohhohho you know whats funny. i actually did have an alternate ending planned where hunter just. slept through the rebelllion and just woke up after it was over and was like "what the fuck." anyways i sat down and wrote this in a night (ive been saving the ask until it was finished so thats why im answering it late sorry!) so enjoy 2k words of that under the cut. apologies for typos i tried my best to read this over lmao. you can also read this on ao3 now yipee

Hunter stared at his clock, and scowled. Shit. He had 20 minutes until the coven head meeting!

He stood up, quickly scrambling for his notes.  He wanted to try and get there early, so he could figure out somewhat of a plan.

Flapjack lifted their head up, disrupted from their slumber. What is boy doing?

His foot slipped on a piece of paper, and he barely managed to catch himself on the edge of his desk. “I have a meeting! I need to go talk to the other coven heads, and-”

Have time! Should rest!

He scowled. “Flapjack, I don’t have time to rest! I need to prepare my notes! I still haven’t figure out what I’m going to say to Terra, or Adrian, or how to deal with the recent riots-”

Nap time! Boy too tired to think!

“You always say it’s nap time.”

Because boy is always tired!

He sighed, flopping back on his bed and letting the stack of papers in his arms scatter onto the floor. Flapjack did have a bit of a point. He had been staying up later and later, getting less sleep in favor of trying to take care of… well, everything.

He could get ready in ten minutes. It wouldn’t take long to teleport. Just closing his eyes for a few minutes surely wouldn’t hurt. And he wouldn’t actually fall asleep. He would just lay here!

“Just ten minutes. Then I have to go.”

Flapjack chirped. Nap! Nap!

“Not a nap, Flap,” He mumbled. “M just resting my eyes.”

He didn’t even realize he was falling asleep.

___

He woke up to the smell of smoke.

He shot up out of bed, head swiveling as he took stock of the room. Everything seemed to be in order, except-

“FLAPJACK!”

The bird had at some point moved inside his shirt. They peeked their head out, looking adorable as always, but Hunter wasn’t fooled.

He glared at them. “I said ten minutes.”

Boy needed nap!

He pointed at the window. “IT’S DARK OUTSIDE NOW! IT’S NIGHTTIME!”

Not that late. Sun just set. More like evening!

He dragged a hand down his face and groaned. “Flapjack. I missed the coven head meeting. The one thing I cannot, under any circumstances, miss.”

Flapjack did not look even remotely apologetic.

Hunter sighed, standing up and brushing back his hair. The smell of smoke was still lingering in the air, and he poked his head out the window, following the smell.

Ah. That might be a problem.

The area of the castle where Terra and Adrian had been fighting the other day looked even worse than before, mainly because it was on fire. Several scouts were running around in a panic, and if he listened closely, he could hear the faint sound of screaming.

Flapjack had moved to sit on his desk, and he slowly turned to glare at them. “Flapjack.”

They chirped.

“This is why we don’t skip coven head meetings! Look at what happened while I was asleep. The castle is on fire!” He sighed. 

Could be worse!

He flung his arms out, staring the bird down in frustration. “How could this be worse?!”

The Titan must have thought that was funny, because at that moment his door was slammed open with a war cry.

“GOLDEN GUARD!”

Something (someone?) charged through his door, and he screeched, barely avoiding their tackle. Whoever it was slammed into his wall, sending feathers flying everywhere. Why there were feathers, he didn’t know. Maybe they were because of the large wings that were almost smacking him in the face. 

Flapjack screeched, dive bombing the intruder, and Hunter quickly scrambled back, grabbing a heavy textbook detailing the criminal justice system and hurling it at their face. They shouted in pain, falling back onto the floor, and Hunter decided that was his cue to go.

He skidded out into the hallway, his slippers barely staying on his feet, while Flapjack circled nervously around his head. Behind him, he could hear the sound of the mystery attacker getting up, and he risked a glimpse behind him as Flapjack transformed into a staff.

“Golden Guard, kid, wait a second-”

Their voice sounded somewhat familiar, but he was too busy grabbing his staff. The last thing he saw before teleporting away into a haze of golden light was what looked to be some kind of harpy woman, heading straight for him.

He bounced across the castle, not having much of a destination in mind besides something that was away from the harpy lady. He materialized in a small room with dim lighting, and as he leaned against the brick walls he realized he was in the break room.

There were technically several break rooms scattered around the castle, but those were all empty storage closets scouts had converted into a break room in their free time with their own money. (Hunter may or may not have contributed to them with money from the castle treasury). This, however, was the official break room, the one all the coven heads used, and the one that the Emperor made somewhat of an attempt to maintain.

He hadn’t been here in a couple weeks, with the whole “accidentally killed my Uncle and now running the government from my bedroom” issue. Not much had changed since the last time he was here. The table was still stained, one of the chairs still had a wobbly leg, the sink was still dripping water because no one knew how to fix the leak, there were still a few spare coven cloaks lying in a pile on the floor, and the fridge still had several post-its about labeling your food properly and not letting it sit in the fridge for months and stink up the room.

The bulletin board, however, had a few changes. The ‘days since Kikimora tried to assassinate someone’ board had been reduced back to zero (last time he saw it it was at 11, which was a new record), and there were several notes stating that due to being understaffed, everyone would be getting extra shifts. Which was weird, because Hunter thought he was in charge of scheduling guard shifts, but he had handed off so many of his duties to Kikimora and random coven captains that he wasn’t sure anymore. Also, why had no one told him they were understaffed?

Someone had also brought in cookies, and there were still a few left. Yay! He grabbed one from the box, biting into it. 

“Want a piece? Its chocolate cricket flavor.” He broke off a small chunk, offering it to the palisman, who began gleefully pecking it. He finished eating the rest of the cookie, wandering over to the sink.

He smacked the faucet, hoping that maybe this time it would stop the leaking, but it did nothing. Like it did every time. He sighed, and turned towards the clawfee machine, turning it on. Next to the sink was a small collection of drying dishes, one of which included a mug that said ‘world’s best nephew’ in hot pink script.

“Hey Flapjack, I found my favorite mug!” He picked it up, thankfully finding it clean. He had been searching for that mug for weeks! Although, it seemed a bit inaccurate, with the whole ‘killed my uncle’ and ‘being a grimwalker of his brother’ thing. Nope, that was a problem for another time.

He shrugged, watching as the clawfee pot came to a boil. Flapjack was hopping around the table, pecking the various crumbs that had been left behind. Hunter should probably be stopping them, but he figured if Flapjack had survived this long with such little self preservation, they would probably be fine.

Probably.

He poured the clawfee into his mug, and moved to sit down in a chair. The good chair, not the one with the wobbly leg that made you rock back and forth every time you moved the slightest inch. 

He sighed, leaned back in his chair, and stared vacantly at the wall. “So,” he said calmly. “I think there might be a rebellion going on right now.”

Flapjack chirped anxiously. Hunter stared at the bird. “You know, this is why we don’t skip coven head meetings.”

He sipped on his clawfee, savoring the bitter taste. Oh, sweet caffeine, how he missed it. Having energy was fantastic.

“I should probably go out there and deal with that.”

Or don’t! Don’t risk yourself!

“Flapjack, I don’t think that's an option.”

Run away to woods! Can hunt for worms!

“I can’t eat worms! You can hunt all you want, I’ll forage for berries.”

Good plan!

Hunter groaned. “Terrible plan.” It wasn't like he had any ideas. He had been slowly preparing a runaway bag, but he had hoped he would have a few more weeks before he had to use it. This was his punishment for procrastinating. 

He stood up, taking a long swig of the coffee. “Okay, my stuff is in my room. Let’s see if we can try to sneak back there, and if anyone is still alive.” He looked down at himself, grimacing at his lack of armor. He was still in his PJS! 

Hesitantly, he lifted one of the coven scout cloaks from the pile on the floor, checking it over. There didn’t appear to be any visible stains, so he shrugged, putting it on.

Flapjack chirped, and fluttered on top of his head. Hunter sighed, but said nothing, pulling up his hood to cover the bird. He opened the door and hesitantly peeked his head out. There didn’t seem to be anyone, so he stepped out into the hallway, letting the door shut behind him.

Picking a random direction, he began walking, the only sound being his bunny slippers slapping against the tile. He nervously clutched his cloak, suddenly beginning to regret every decision he had ever made that had led him to this situation.

He rounded a corner to see a hallway that looked very much destroyed. A section of the ceiling had collapsed, and plants and abomination goo was everywhere. Several coven scouts were lying unconscious on the floor.

Hunter bit his lip, and with a start realized he was still holding his mug. There was still a little bit of clawfee in it, so he could throw it at someone and run if he needed to. The perfect weapon. What a plan.

He froze at the sound of footsteps, frantically looking for a place to hide. He slid behind a pile of rubble, hoping that he would just be mistaken for an unconscious scout.

The sound of footsteps grew closer, and then stopped. “I could have sworn I heard something over here,” a familiar voice muttered. Oh shit.

Hunter involuntarily flinched, shifting the rubble he was hiding behind with his movement.

“Over there!” Oh, he recognized that voice too, although it was only marginally better than the first one. Maybe if he stayed very very still, they wouldn’t notice him?

He yelped as abomination goo wrapped around his legs, dragging him out into the open and pinning his arms to his side. He scowled at the awkward angle his arm was held at, the clawfee slowly dripping out of his mug and onto the floor.

Darius crossed his arms, lifting an eyebrow at Hunter. “Ah, Little prince. You’re looking… unwell.”

Hunter, very maturely, stuck out his tongue, something that only caused Darius’s scowl to deepen.

Behind Darius, Luz cheerfully waved at him. “Hi Hunter! You kind of caught us at a bad time.” She turned down the hallway, cupping a hand to her mouth. “HEY GUYS, WE FOUND HUNTER! OVER HERE!” 

Darius winced at her yelling, rubbing his ears. Hunter wished he could do the same, because wow Luz could shout loud.

The two of them turned back to face him and he grimaced. “Uh, hi?” He said awkwardly. Maybe they would be nice and just kill him right away. Luz could probably convince them not to hurt Flapjack.

Luz shoved her hands in her pockets, grinning casually. “Hunter, my man! I’ve been looking for you! Sorry about the whole, uh, overthrowing the government thing.”

‘It’s fine,” He said, even though it was very much not fine. “It was already falling apart anyways.”

Darius stepped towards him, frowning. “About that, actually. We have quite a few questions to ask you, Golden Guard.”

Luz’s grin became just a bit more shaky. “Not bad questions! Just, uh, questions. It’ll be great!” She did not sound convinced of her own words. “It’s fine.”

Hunter sighed. He should have just stayed in bed. This was all Flapjack’s fault. He was never trusting that adorable little bird again, no matter how cute they were.

[nexfarious]

hi! i finished binging dq recently and i wanted to share some of my thoughts bc the brainrot it has given me is literally insane like. You dont understand. i didnt want to put this probably gigantic block of text in the ao3 comments so i figured id send it here so you can decide if you want it posted or not!

back to the topic i need to put thief in a blender (said with as much affection as possible btw). theyre soo painfully realistic and have a very unique perspective on the killing game which isnt rlly explored in fanfics so im eating it up! their talent is so cool and i cant wait to see them use it more later on. i also love how despite their paranoia and distrust they are still. Kind. Like they still reached out to ryouma and it literally saved his life!!!!! btw i think not killing him off in ch2 was a really good writing choice bc i think him dying after That scene with thief would just destroy them entirely -but on the topic of ryouma! im very glad you decided to give more spotlight to characters that werent given much of it in canon (or fanon ngl). him and tsumugi are characters that im rlly interested in but the game straight up gave them next to nothing, which i guess is very usual for danganronpa but yknow. Its still disappointing

thief and saiharas relationship makes me want to use both of them as a chew toy bc theyre so. So!!!!! im literally obsessed w them. we are still pretty early in the killing game but so many of their moments are already rotating in my mind At All Times. from the detective/criminal dynamic, to how much they care abt each other (thief obviously having a soft spot for shu despite not trusting people is soooo cute i need them gone). though that one scene in ch19 (i think?) where its said that their situation wld be considered romantic if it thief didnt have a knife at his throat is Life Changing and ive been thinking abt it so much -the contrast is just so good and the scene itself is so sad. also "Maybe this really was truly Shuichi, another side reflected to all of you, gleaming in the light like shards of a prism. Maybe you couldn’t see all of the sides right now, in this moment, but what you could see was so wonderful, spots danced in the back of your eyes." is such a beautifully written paragraph but the fact that thief thought this in the middle of a trial is so hilarious to me but i still support them. sometimes you really need to admire your Friend in a life or death situation to be able to push through. I get it

ok enough of those two. i love how you take the time to explore thief's relationships w other people as well. the break up scene between them and tsumugi had me blankly staring at my screen for good 30 seconds i think. the brief thief/ouma collab was great as well. i already mentioned ryouma but he is so dear to me head in hands.......cant wait for ch3 to physically beat the shit out of me

i have more thoughts but i also think this is too long already so ill stop it here. anyways i love your writing so much and im looking forward to more of dq! take care of yourself and have a nice day/night!

hi umm . this ask destroyed me emotionally, threw me out the window and then stole my lunch money /pos

this is genuinely so so lovely to read, i can’t believe you would take the time out of your day to come and tell me what you think of my fic,,, that’s so sweet <3

thief is my little freak whom i need to microwave at the highest temperatures. i think a lot of people should be more selfish in the killing game tbh, there’s a lot of characters who are ready to throw away everything for each other, i mean even a lot of the killers have selfless motives (kirumi, kaede) which is totally fine but!!! where my selfish bitches at where are the guys who just want to survive. despite all their paranoia though, they are a good person at heart which is something i’ve always found compelling in writing them.

WHY DIDN’T RYOMA LIVE IN CANON!!! you’re telling me a major theme of the game is overcoming yourself and pushing through despite hopelessness and then you just . kill off the other guy who’s canonically suicidal? it kinda left a bad taste in my mouth tbh. “oh you have nothing left to live for? die” i love ryoma i love mugi (obviously) and they deserve better than what the game gave them

they haven’t had much time for each other because we’re not even halfway through the game but UGH thiefhara means so much to me . thief wants to keep everyone at arm’s length but is actually way too soft to go through with it because there’s a detective with pretty eyes (which is so real btw) . i cant tell you anything about the plot but let it be known that chapter three is gonna have quite a few important moments in their relationship!!!

tbh the knife scene was something i just came up with as i was writing and thought “yeah okay that would be funny” and now people seem to love it,,, good thing i love it too

thief’s friends are so incredibly important to me btw . tsumugi who just wanted to be their friend but was rejected and has turned to angie and tenko, ryoma who still doesn’t have a reason to keep going but wants to try because there is someone who cares enough to reach out, kokichi (derogatory/with love), kaede who betrayed them in thief’s mind and still haunts them - someone who broke their trust after they went out on a line for someone, kaito whom i need thief to spend more time with because honestly he deserves more scenes

i hope chapter three slam dunks you into another dimension anon (said with so much sincerity and love), we got major canon divergence incoming ^-^

ANYWAY !!! don’t ever apologise for sending me your thoughts it’s actively encouraged and motivates me to write!! if you ever have anything more to say you are more than welcome to leave a comment or another ask i promise it makes me giggle and do a little spin in my chair of evil . hope you’re doing well too anon

[valeriianz]

for the fic writer ask!! 9, 23, 36!!

9. How do you find new fic to read?

i live primarily on tumblr so, i read a lot of tumblr fics. the little guys under 1k are perfect boosts of serotonin. this way also, i see fics posted to ao3 recommended through a reblog and then i'll click. ive never gone onto ao3 in search of fic... but i think part of that is The Sandman fandom (especially dreamling) is so. massive. there are new fics every day that i feel like searching for something specific is pointless for someone like me, who sees a new content every day lol. my To Read pile on my ao3 account is embarrassingly massive (i also havent read a lot of the Fandom Staples yet. ahhh)

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

answered here! but i'll also toss in another one: horror. @watercubebee got me thinking about scary shit... or at the very least, trauma and angst. all hurt no comfort. i've never really written anything like that and i think it'd be fun to explore.

36. Do you visualize what you read/write?

oh yes. very much so. and sometimes i can be borderline obsessive with attempting to translate what i'm seeing in my head into words. and it for sure goes the same way when im reading. even if the author hasn't gone into much detail about a setting/surroundings, i will picture it anyway, like i'm watching a movie.

[rimetin]

OKAY, I think I answered the wrong ask meme for the ask you sent me (I like your questions better!), but not to worry :D I did this one too, so from the list on your page: for Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks:

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting? 🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"? 💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of? This post (just to avoid confusion!):

oh no dw it was the right one! thank you! <3

💝What is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

humm, this is a hard one. I suppose my recent smolaw series, Bitten by the Cold? i was counting my kudos to hits ratio the other day and they were some of the highest, as well as easily getting to the top contenders for my most comments received. it's... much more than I anticipated lol? especially bc i think it's a relatively rare ship, i wasnt expecting to get enjoyers crawling out of the woodwork haha

🤍What's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

the opposite of amnesia (a juno steel fic). its very dear to me personally and i remember having so much fun writing it, and getting kinda experimental with it. I was kind of disappointed with the response (or lack of it really), although i recognise said experimental shit may have turned people away.

💥Find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

I'm gonna go with Across Dawns because frosted over is original work. I really like these myself and always mean and wanna write more, because I have a lot of feels about my customizable protags in games. but i do recognise ive done the annoying thing of putting multiple fandoms in one fic as chapters instead of a collection so that's also what makes me hesitant. oh well. (hm well i suppose you can backdate works on ao3, maybe i could fix that sometime.)

🎙️Which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

oh gosh i'm. not big into podfics ngl? I still don't fully understand the concept or at least the appeal, i think (but that may just be my audio processing issues and needing the written aid anyway). but... either of the recent phone call-centric ones, Requiem for My Harlequin (one piece) or going to be okay (juno steel)? from what I understand abt the genre (can u call podfic a genre or is it a medium) I'd be interested in seeing how that mechanic plays out in them, and also because they have very strong character viewpoints both.

Thanks again so much for the ask! Here's my ask meme tag if anyone wants to hmu

[lighthouseas]

I read your byler asking each other to prom fic and thought it was so cute but also heart wrenching. Will harboring guilt for reviving Mike, because it means Mike has to suffer through the pain of recovery, and Mike not knowing at first, but being grateful he's still around to be with Will, even if he will have chronic pain from getting fucking stabbed in the chest with a sword felt so realistic. I also just loved how sweet they were with one another, and how flustered/nervous they both were about asking each other to Max's prom, again so realistic!! Like, of course they expect to go together cause they're dating but also,, are they? That's the sort of shit they absolutely would do. It was just so cute, and I love finding authors on Tumblr cause I feel way better rambling here than in ao3 comments. Anyways, sorry for the long ramble, just wanted to give your fic some extra love!!

AJDJRJDDHDJRHD *dies* THANK YOU SO MUCH I AM GOING TO CRY.

and yes, i wrote that whole fic bc they r both so goofy and it was originally going to be mostly angst, but then i figured they have been through enough (and ive already written a ton of byler angst) so i was like, hey, let's make them be silly instead. and it worked. somehow.

akfjgidj anyway thank you so much for leaving this in my inbox, it has absolutely made my entire day <3333

[villanevehaus]

2, 11, 17, 45, and 100 (From your own AUs, which are your favorite characterizations of Eve and Villanelle? e.g. Ox vs TME’s Oksana/Vil)

!!! tysm !!! fic writer asks

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

hmmm, idk! i tend to get along w my narrators. i originally wrote ox getting more upset about eve's realization in ch5 (youre a decade younger than me and a woman and i leave soon etc) but decided it was ooc? thats really the only thing that comes to mind tbh. ive moved events and scenes and whatever but thats moreso overall structure rather than character/narrator.

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

i have learned SO many neat things while researching oh my god. watched a documentary about the history of telephones in america! LOTS about vipers and venomous snakes, how housefires happen/get out of control, SOOO much medical shit, a lot about billie jean king! print history, art history, geographical & archaeological history. i don't 'worry' about research per se but i do tend to do a lot of it bc i always feel more confident with what im writing if its more grounded in reality. also this is what the worlds deadliest snake looks like.

17. what is your favourite line that you've written?

Her scar tissue aches with the memory of genesis, finally able to name a creator. is one that i love but isn't published yet and wont be for a hot sec. obligatory mention of the one-sentence chapter in eve undone that's Her orbit becomes misaligned, casting her soul in shadow as she's pulled from the sun. I also really like this very long sentence of There's nothing keeping your soft, smooth, tiny little body from a force that will willingly feed you to jagged rocks, stinging nettle, starvation, dehydration, ruination, evisceration, or all those hungry things made of teeth and teeth and teeth and teeth. bc i am ofc not immune to sea allegories.

45. name three of your favourite fanfic writers.

@sharkodactyl /pigflight on ao3 || @eveandpsyche / herbeloveve on ao3 || telanu on ao3 - ive only read this of their fics but it genuinely changed how i view relationships so!

100. From your own AUs, which are your favourite characterizations of Eve and Villanelle? e.g. Ox vs TME’s Oksana/Vil

god what a cruel question, how could you do this to me. i reeeeally have a soft spot for my sweet girl's eve & nelle ngl, but i think i just have a soft spot for my sweet girl in general oops. its difficult for me to choose bc stuff like thin walls and my sweet girl's characterizations are SO shallow just by virtue of the works they belong to being so short in comparison to the others? they almost dont fall in the same question. like my sweet girl is 48k and TME (which is nowhere near being done and also isn't even my longest work) is 134k, so obvs theyre not only different but differently fleshed out- 3 whole my sweet girls fit in TME, and TME aint even over.

i really adore TME eve tho shes such a cunt, and TME oksana/vil is about to get bananas. but also ox is also so so so sweet. IDK theyre all too different !! aa !

first reaction best reaction my sweet girl ♡

[daedalusdavinci]

ao3 wrapped

taken from here. i thought this would be fun!

1. How many words have you written this year?

i published 316,173 words this year, including the drabbles i only posted on tumblr. if i added wips... i dont even want to think about it.

2. How many works did you publish this year?

i wrote 62 tumblr drabbles and posted 31 works on ao3, amounting for a grand total of,, 93 works..... theres.. theres no way..... oh jesus christ

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

you know what i think it has to be hollow americana. i really wanted to write a fic that captured how i felt on roadtrips, and how empty a roadstop in a desert can feel. i wanted something that was haunting and melancholy and hung you up on all of the little details, and i think i pulled that off perfectly. its exactly what i wanted it to be

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

this year home intrusion got 4,033 hits, which i guess makes sense, since its batfam and also not a part of the jdau.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

ummm all of the jdau, basically. it was such a niche idea and i really just wrote it because i was fucking obsessed with harvey and jason and tfz and its amassed more of a following than i expected it to

6. Favorite title you used

i like “son of dent” because its a direct reference to traditional jewish headstones and i think im soo clever for that, and i love “hollow americana” because it fits the energy of that fic so well. i think “like an oil-stained phoenix” is pretty good, if a little pretentious, but my favorite is definitely “the mystery of the old boathouse” because i really really wanted a title that references old mystery books i grew up reading and ties into the detective au theme, and it fits well!

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

i dont think i ever used song lyrics for anything other than like. titles. i hope i didnt anyway. i know “sharp edges” in “lost days” is a linkin park song, and “temporal shenanigans” is part of the homestuck soundtrack. thats literally it tho

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

i dont even have to look to know that it was bruharv.

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

actually probably jason/nico. theeen bruharv

10. What work was the quickest to write?

one of the drabbles im sure. sometimes i just shit those bitches right out and theyre often under 1k so its liek. lol

11. What work took you the longest to write?

fucking level 2. unless you count the jdau series as a single work, in which case, that

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

one :’) just the one. and im not sure yet if ill keep it

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

i dont even have to look to know that its level 2. level 2 is 126,596 words and 23 chapters long and its my biggest regret

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

one of the drabbles im sure. but on ao3 its out of sight, a very very short harvmatches drabble i posted before i started posting drabbles on tumblr

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

theee only one in my docs. wdym. its supposed to be another part of the jdau, which i guess is also a massive wip? but i dont like to think of it as that

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

im sure it was fucking “Harvey Dent Adopts Jason Todd” this year

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

harvey and 2f clearly, theyre like babygirls to me. but writing jason (grace and todd) is also very cool

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

bruce. that insufferable old whore. maybe if dc could just stop being stupid and give him af ucking consistent characterization, i wouldnt have so many PROBLEMS. im out here merging different sources like its a game. build your own bruce. i hate it here.

but also harvey ive done so much goddamn research to try and write him right and i sitll worry all the time that its not enough

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

personally i want to explore some bitches /j

no but like idk man im really tired and writings been really hard lately and ill be happy to just write anything and feel good about it after

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

i reread the stupid jdau all the time just so i dont fuck up the next installment

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

3,145, apparently!

22. Which work has the most comments?

level 2 has the most comments at 31. which is kind of surprising, because it did not do very well otherwise!

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

nope

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

i wrote literally dozens of requests which are all sort of gifts i think, but in terms of literal gifts on ao3, i gave @roomfulloferidans many

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

nope. things were not written for me nor was i given an Ao3 Gift(TM). but eri drew some very nice pictures for me! they drew equius from ammfh and my ocs and i have them saved on my computer so i can come back and look at them all the time

26. What’s your most common category?

its M/M because im gay and i think men are hot

27. What do you listen to while writing?

i listen to white noise if im really struggling to focus, otherwise ill loop a playlist or a single song. its switched around a ton over the year but right this second im looping an arcadian wild playlist i made that has other bands with similar sounds on it in addition to the entire arcadian wild discography

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

also hollow americana, for reasons i already said

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

bro. im grabbing you by the shoulders right now. i wrote 300k words. i promise you i do not know the answer to that.

i know i like some of the headcanon stuff i put in starting over and hollow americana has a lot of good lines but i cant think beyond that even tho there are probably some real bangers because i wrote 300k words and i cant remember all of them

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

now. this may blow your mind. but. did you know. that if you dont like your ocs. you can just... get rid of them. and start over? still reeling from that one tbh

[writtengalaxies]

hey hey! im down for a little chat <3

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i only found this blog like, 2 days ago but i can already feel myself getting the urge to go back and reread everything here. content of the highest quality over here <3 /gen

all the fics on AO3 would be really nice as well imo! although i cant say that i use the site that frequently, it could be a good way for others to find your works! at least thats how i see it

i think its due to how much i simp for this man, but i really love love LOVE the memory files. the trope is fairly common (from what ive seen) but the way you write it? chefs kiss. i am patiently but eagerly waiting for the next part mwah <3

the cup god chronicles were also a really fun read. i dont fully really see content (READ: fics) for him regularly so i was immediately intrigued and when i tell you, i was HOOKED. big fan, i love this doofus <3

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now imma ask you something. who's your fave ego? my guess is engineer lol

also, whats your pronouns? i havent seen them listed anywhere ^^"

if you dont mind me asking, how long have you been writing? just in general. it seems like a basic Q but the answers are fascinating.

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and as a last little tid bit of me im willing to share for the night, i read most of your works in around 2 hours. what that says about me is irrelevant,, goodnight, i hope this isnt too big of a text wall to answer <3

WAAAH thank you!! Also all of that in two hours?! Oh gosh! (And you're all good! I like big text walls!)

That was more or less my thought with posting them on Ao3! I know a lot of writers do cross-post them, so I figured "hey, why not". I...might end up doing that today, since I managed to pull a muscle in my back real bad in the night and I'm laid up in bed. gfhj

Ooooh, Lost Memory Files does tend to be a fan favorite. XD I'm really happy people like it! It...actually spun out of a similar idea but with Engineer and a Captain who can't remember wormholes and looping...heh. The next part, based on my loose notes, is likely going to continue the hurt.

Cup God Chronicles was really my first attempts at writing Night, the smug bastardass. The reader being a sarcastic little shit is in part I'm a sarcastic little shit, and in part based off of @ghostf1ux. I did notice there aren't a ton of fics for him that aren't...uh. Spicy. I have a couple more fics planned for it!

Favorite ego is 100% Engineer. "The smartest dumbass" was how I saw him described at one point and I'm like "yes. THIS ONE." There's something about like...realizing that even through all the hurt on both sides of that, he still fully trusts the captain? Despite everything. Never knowing the full extent of everything the captain goes through, despite his own misconceptions...

And well, hope is very important to me. So ISWM being very centered around never giving up hope kind of hit real hard, you know?

I DIDN'T REALIZE I DIDN'T PUT PRONOUNS ANYWHERE. ghjk WHOOPS. Honestly, almost anything! (My one exception is it/it's, and that's just because it doesn't feel like me. Big love to everyone who does though! Y'all rock it!)

I'm a genderfluid menace so they're always changing anyway!

How long I've been writing...the first thing I really clearly remember writing was either HP or Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic waaaaaaaaay back in the day. I must have been about 10 or 11? So...20+ years at this point.

If I had to think about creative writing and doing it more consistently, that's closer to about...16 years? (I had to think about when I graduated high school and I felt like I aged SIGNIFICANTLY in an instant.)

One of my English teachers really drove a lot of confidence in my writing! Shout out to Mr. Craig, who liked some of my original stuff I had written for his class so much, he still has it and checks in from time to time on what I'm up to.

He's a big reason as to why I have an 111k original fiction novel and a novella I self-published for a while. He also did a front-flip off a stage with a lightsaber for a student-written play.