#how many fucking areas do we have to post something on our website and in our real physical spce

[oflgtfol]

i’ve been working overtime at my other job this week and as much as i love this job. it has been a Long Fucking Week. the more i interact with the general public the more misanthropic i become

[velvetvexations]

I have the forcefem meme blog blocked but someone I follow put a post of her's on my dash and she's just straight up saying "this isn't a kink blog, the way I do forcefem isn't kinky" and I swear my brain stopped working entirely for a second. I don't think there's anything wrong with kinks changing with a subculture or community or becoming memes but like. Come on. Forcefem is a kink, that's what it is. I try not to get too worked up about this blog because it's not good for me and my judgement does get clouded by the dysphoria it triggers but like, it really does genuinely worry me the way the meme-ification of forcefem has completely divorced the kink element from what is still very fucking clearly a kink. This whole "I'm not doing it in a kink way" is not a get out of kink free card, and it's a piss poor excuse for going around and flooding this website with kink stuff that now essentially cannot be avoided in trans spaces. No other kink that has like, a potentially sfw angle has a community that acts like this about it, people who do like bootblacking performances where no explicitly sexual acts take place still make it clear this is a kink thing so people can avoid it if they want, and there are huge arguments in furry communities over if you can even do "sfw" vore because vore is a kink even when no traditional sex acts are being depicted. Every other kink community gets that even when no one is fucking, a kink is still a kink and should be treated as such for the safety of everyone, why should THIS be the exception??

Ugh anyway sorry didn't want this to turn into a rant, I really don't think there's anything wrong with doing a fun sfw kind of forcefem with people who consent but like, as a kinky person who cares a lot about kink and BDSM history and communities the blatant refusal to consider forcefem a kink AT ALL is concerning. You cannot un-kink-ify it, this is a kink goddamn it and when you stop treating it as such you open up a LOT of unsafe grey areas on top of making it borderline impossible for people who are squicked out by it to avoid it because no one is going to tag for something they think is a harmless, gender-affirming, tgirl approved meme.

Idk tho maybe I'm letting my own dysphoria get in the way, feel free to check me if that's the case I will take the L with grace, but I just feel like this "It's not a kink when I do it" thing is...in poor taste, at the very least. I don't think it's intentionally malicious either I just don't like it when we stop recognizing that a kink is a kink.

I advocate tirelessly for being able to live BDSM relationships in public to the extent that "normal" relationships are allowed, but what I do not do is say I should get to snap a collar around a random girl's neck and drag her off because it's just a lifestyle. Like fuck off with "it's not a kink," IT IS, and it is NON-CON.

My biggest fan can't shut up about me supposedly calling trans women groomers because I think it's bad for trans men to say they want to cure trans women's "comphet," but you know what's also sexually coercive? Shoving your non-con fetish at people, many of whom are going to have reasons to be outright triggered by it, and then call it fine because it's so totally non-sexual.

SATIRE BEGIN

Well, okay, fine, start making indiscriminate forcemasc jokes at women. It's not a kink! There's nothing wrong with being a trans man! How could they possibly complain?

SATIRE END

That's a rhetorical question too, the answer is that they'd be massive hypocrites about it and say some dumbass shit like "transmascs just invented forcemasc to gentrify our fet I MEAN NOT A FETISH" or "trans men shouldn't care about being forcefemmed because there's nothing wrong with it but being a man is Bad."

[scribblemetae]

Yes, Miss | Hyunjin Smut | Part 1

Website Tagline:  ‘Virgin boy with years of backed up cum pleasures himself for you, come watch my live videos and teach me how to fuck’

Description/Summary:  It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know this was going to happen, how were you to know the person behind the videos you used to get off to was none other than your favourite straight A student Hwang Hyunjin. How would you ever look at the boy with thick black glasses properly again?

Genre: Nerd!Hyunjin, Teacher!Reader, Student!Hyunjin, Taboo but fully legal relationship.

Word count: 9k

Main warnings: general teacher student naughty business, Hyunjin got a Miss!Kink, Cam!boy Hyunjin, Desperate Hyunjin. Masturbation (f) and (m), Mutual Masturbation (Kinda?) Slow burn but also not a slow burn lmao

A/N : Re-post from my Stray Kids story, I do love writing about cam boys! I might write more members as cam boys

He drove you wild, you were here panting hard on your bed sheets as you watched him stroke his cock into his camera. You’re not sure when you became a slave to his live shows, you never expected to become a regular viewer of anybody on the website, only signing up to relieve a bit of stress every now and then. However, since the first video of his you watched, when he was talking about how desperate he was to fuck you with his virgin cock, you were stuck on him. You even went as far as signing up to the website to get notifications for when he would be going live.

A virgin cam boy with a sweet voice and a perfect looking cock, how could you not live for that?. There was something so hot about the idea of him being completely innocent and untouched, yet here getting off for anybody to see.

His viewership seemed small, but that wasn’t exactly a bad thing, it meant not as many annoying messages popping up during live streams when he would say something in need of an answer. He always interacted with his viewers, pretending to be their boyfriend who was to scared to fuck so jacked off just for them, he was delectable. He had said the virgin thing wasn't just a character and was actually true and that made you mouth water for him, he seemed so sweet when he would talk to views before and after lives.

Right now he was the complete antithesis of sweet, hand wrapped around his hard cock as he layed back on his bed, face out of screen as always, filth leaving his lips as he helped his viewers reach their highs. 

“Fuck, I’m so backed up with cum, wanna cum for you so bad.” You were right there with him, fingers deep inside your cunt as you thrusted inside at the same pace he stroked his cock. You watch him as he sits up slightly reading some of the comments panting. “Yeah, yeah I’ll fuck you soon, promise I’ll let you take my virginity soon but for now just enjoy watching me baby.” he continued stroking himself, breathing getting heavier and heavier as you got close to the edge, deep voice turning whimpery. “You’ll have to teach me how to fuck, teach me what to do -shit- cum with me, please cum with me.” The perfect blend of dominant and submissive, you couldn’t help but do exactly what he asked and cum at the same time as him.

When you’d finished your session you were damp and warm but the last thing you wanted to do was move, your shower would have to wait till morning before you go to work. For now all you wanted to do was roll over and fall asleep.

It was only 8am and you’d already had it this morning. Mondays were always pretty bad but this one was worse, all the professors and teachers had to come in an hour early to discuss work plans and for the last half an hour your boss has just gone in on you all for your students' grades. It's not like they were bad, in fact your college was one of the best in the area but he just wanted them to be better. He’d taken your can do attitude and good mood and slammed it into the ground. Today was going to be a long day 

“Correct Hyunjin, does anybody else have any ideas or are we just going to leave it to our fellow classmen over here to answer everything for us?”

You were in the last lesson for the day and your mood had gone from bad to worse. looking around the room at your class and everybody was silent, looking at you with vacant stares, eyes barely open. Mondays were always the same. The majority of your class turned up but most of them were nursing hangovers and dealing with their own sleep depravity. It was times like these you wanted to bang your head against the table. When you swapped over to teaching college students you thought things would be easier, these are young adults who have decided to come to your class, they’ve purposely come to study and learn and yet most of the time it was like trying to get blood from a stone. Days like this always reminded you that in reality they are just young adults that only came to college for the promise of good parties and sex.

As much as your students could drive you mad you did have a select few that would sit at the front, always turn up on time and always engaged with your lessons but that was 4 out of about 30. Yun-hee, Felix, Sunny and Hyunjin, they always made your lessons slightly bearable but you knew everybody else relied on them to get the answers correct so they could just jot it down on their laptops and be on their way. You weren’t blind to it, you could see right through them all, it wasn't long ago you were in college doing the exact same thing. People always relied on the nerdy kids who sat at the front and tried their hardest to get them through.

You rolled your eyes as you turned to face the projector screen trying not to let everybody see your clear annoyance with them, if you thought your last few lessons were bad you had another thing coming. You continued through the next 45 minutes and you were getting nothing from them. Hyunjin and Sunny answered most if not all the questions of class, obviously looking golden in your eyes, but nerdy in the eyes of their piers. The phrase ‘Fucking nerd’ was flung out while Hyunjin answered a particularly hard question, forcing you to remove the foul mouthed ass-hole from the lesson.

You always felt bad for Hyunjin, you noticed that he was picked on a lot and never really stood up for himself, in fact all four of your best students got it pretty rough from the others. You thought bullying would calm down slightly in a college environment compared to the pre-school you taught in beforehand but you were wrong, people were meaner here and if there's one thing you couldn’t stand it was an asshole bully. You shook your head reminding yourself this wasn’t the place to be cussing out your students and looked at the time on your laptop. You still had another 5 minutes to go but you really didn't see the point in continuing considering that for the last 15 you’d just had everybody work in pairs and study the subject. So, you did what all mature, respectable professors do. “Okay guys we’re gonna finish the lesson 5 minuets early, i'll see you all tomorrow”. You know you probably shouldn't have but it was your last lesson of the day and you were just ready to get home and relax.

As the class were packing their books away and you were doing the same, you feel a knock against the table and turn to see that Hyunjin had accidentally walked into it while approaching you, he softly rubs his elbow as he whispers out an “owch.”

“Hyunjin, are you okay?” You reach over touching his arm making sure that he didn’t hurt himself too badly. He just nods at you slowly with a small smile on his face. “I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed the lesson today.” Everything he did was awkward, you noted as he put his hand out as if he was going to shake yours before slowly pulling it back realising that would be a weird thing to do.

“Thank you Hyunjin, your input on the subject matters are always impressive to say the least.” He blushed at your compliment looking down. It was only as the conversation went silent that you noticed all your other students had left, but Hyunjin was still gripping his bag to his chest as he stood in front of you. “Is there something else you need Hyunjin?”  He went wide eyed at your question, almost as if you’d caught him doing something he shouldn't. “I, No, Miss, your shirt looks really pretty.” 

As you took a second to think about his words he had already started to leave, face bright red in embarrassment but the sound of slapping on the floor makes you whip your head around to where he was laying on the floor. God, he was so clumsy. You run over to him trying to help him up but he looks mortified as you grab his hand and some of the stuff he had dropped. “Hyunjin, you have to be more careful.” He looks like he hit his knee pretty badly as he stands up hopping a little bit waiting for the pain to go down “I know, I'm sorry Noona, I mean, Miss Y/L/N.”

You slowly start handing over his things, a book, a flask and a medium sized green pouch that felt heavier than it should. He was quick to grab them off you as you handed them back, ears still red from embarrassment. “Don’t be sorry Hyunjin, just be careful. You know these kids will do anything that they can to find a weakness in you.” 

You didn’t have to elaborate on any of it, he understood exactly what you meant looking down toward the floor unsure of how to answer. You really did make him nervous, butterflies appearing in his tummy every time he was in the same room as you. “You need to stick up for yourself, be more confident, you're such a bright kid Hyunjin” your hand was on his arm now and he nearly flinched back at the feeling of you words flowing through him. “I’m not a kid, Miss Y/L/N.” You take a deep breath and do your best to say no more, not wanting to offend him in any way. It must be hard when people are so cruel to him on a daily basis. “I know Hyunjin, that's not what I meant”  

He was quick to remove himself from the room after that, shrugging a small goodbye as he walked out on you, leaving you to finish up your day ‘Well that was different’ you thought to yourself as you went back to packing everything away. Something seemed so different about Hyunjin lately and you couldn’t put your finger on it. He was still excelling at classes and still dressing the same way. He still had the same friends and did the same things and yet you could tell there was something on his mind. All you could do was shrug it off and hope for the best for him.

It didn’t take long for you to get all your things together finally and leave the classroom. As you walk down the hallway rushing to get to your car but your name booms down the hallway. Your boss, the man in charge of the school, was shouting you and you hoped to god this could be over quickly so you could just go home. You turned around and smiled at him, maybe you just dropped something.

“Have you handed in all your lesson plans for the next few months''. You couldn’t help but look at him confused, you’ve never really had to go over your plans with him before, this was a college not a pre-school. When you didn't answer he made sure to bark back at you. “___, If you’re not prepared for lessons its no wonder your students are failing” before you could even babble out your defence and make him aware that only 8% of your students actually were failing he continued to berate you in the hallways “You weren’t hired to bring the university down, you were hired because of your remarkable ideas that quite frankly I'm yet to see any of”

You wanted to shout and scream, this being the second time you’d been spoken to like this by him today but you knew it would get you nowhere. This was just the way he was, it was nothing personal, he was just an absolute dick. It was only when you looked around that you saw Hyunjin in the hallway standing by his locker listening into the conversation. You thought everybody had hurried off but knowing there were still people around you felt embarrassed. You didn’t let it show though, or at least you tried not to, smiling at him and looking straight back to your boss missing the uneasy smile he threw back at you. 

You opened your mouth ready to defend yourself but were cut off by him shouting the name of another teacher and you quickly took your chance to leave the conversation. You felt bad for whoever he was about to scream at but at the same time you had taken your share and just wanted to leave 

The drive home was easy, luckily for you. Every traffic light was green and the roads were pretty clear much to your surprise. You managed to make it home much quicker than you usually would. As you slammed your car door a little bit harder than you probably should have you walked up to your door, unlocking it and breathing a little bit easier as you walked into your living room.

After you made yourself food, sat down with a glass of wine and finished up all your jobs, that you finally slumped on the couch not letting the stress from the day dissipate in any way when you sit there replaying everything you could have done better in your head. All the annoyances big and small start to eat away at you until your head starts pounding, when you phone pings your glad there's finally going to be something to knock you out of it when you grab it quickly from beside you. 

You thought it would be a text message, a notification from a game you could mindlessly play until you had to go to sleep, or even a reminder that you set for something you’d obviously forgotten but no it was none of them, the little notification was from SKZCamboys.net, ‘babyboy has gone live’ you immediately bit your bottom lip reading his tagline that pops up every time along with the notification ‘Virgin boy with years of backed up cum pleasures himself for you, come watch my live videos and teach me how to fuck’.

He never goes live on a weekday, only every showing his face, or should you say body, on a Sunday night getting everybody ready for the week ahead of them. To say you were wet immediately just from the surprise of seeing the notification would have been an understatement. You wasted no time grabbing your laptop and rushing to your bedroom thanking the heavens that today of all days he decided to spring a surprise live on everybody

As you open your laptop you're quick to position yourself on your bed, laying down and setting everything up ready to wash away the annoyance the best way you knew how. As soon as you log into your laptop account the notification letting you know he's gone live pops up and you click it, way more eager than usual. You had no shame in masturbating but you did have a little shame at doing it so eagerly. 

There he was, kneeling in front of his camera, slacks on but shirtless. You never got to see his face, you could only imagine how handsome he looked, if only he would tip his camera up a little bit more to help your imagination. Fuck, just seeing him like this was starting to get you wet. 

“I’ll wait until I have a few more views to start, for now we can just have some fun talking.” His voice was sweet like honey, something familiar and safe about it but you knew you’d never heard a voice quite like it, you’d remember the way the vibrations of the deep timber would shake your heart. You can see him reading the comments that are already rushing on the side of the stream, you wish you could click them away but it was the only negative of this website. You always had to see them there next to his perfect body. 

Suddenly his voice turns timid as he reads out one of the comments ‘What do you have instore for us today H? Why the surprise live’ H was his pseudonym, a stage name if you will, he never gave out his real name much to your dismay. You’d do anything to moan it out for him. 

As you saw him covering his body you could see him slowly getting in to character, he pretended to be shy and innocent but theres no way somebody who was willing to get his cock out on camera really was, but still, the show he put on always worked for you.

“I’m sorry about being so abrupt, I know usually we wait till a Saturday to have fun but, I really wanted to touch you today, I know you’ve had such a hard day today I just wanna help you get rid of all that stress”

You gasped at his words, a whimper slightly following it. V had a storyline in his videos, one that you were a slave to. He was your virgin boyfriend. You’re not sure when you started watching his videos but each one you’ve watched was a continuation of the last, usually basing them on the premise that you were his girlfriend, watching him get off because he was to scared to fuck.

"The more time we spend together, the more we talk and get to know each other, the more I wanna be dirty with you." Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, its like he was speaking directly to you. His hands were starting to stroke over his body and you couldn’t help but picture them as your own. As his fingers danced around his skin your eyes raked down his body noticing the hard on that was pressing against the thin material of his pants and your mouth started to water slightly. You couldn’t help but slide your hand down your pants, laying them on top of your panties and slowly starting to rub, trying to warm yourself up a little bit ready for him.

“No, no, baby, stop.” His voice was winey and it stopped your movements “Don't touch yourself yet please, I wanna do it for you remember? I wanna do all the touching.” This was something you loved about watching him, he could read all his viewers like a book, he knew exactly what he was doing and he loved to tease with it.

“Please, just let me enjoy your body tonight, i’ve got so fucking much backed up cum to give you, just let me have my way with you.” As always you followed along and did as he said, restraining from touching yourself and biting your bottom lip frustrated that you couldn’t start without him. 

You couldn’t see it from his lips, but you could see the bouncing of his Adam's apple as he chuckled slightly dropping his innocent character, enjoying what he was doing to his viewers. Comments popping up at the side of his stream asking him to start, begging him to really let them take his virginity.

“You’re all so excited about getting to fuck me, so many juicy pussys ready to let me have there way with them” he moved his had down and grasps his cock groaning slightly “Makes me so fucking hard thinking about it.” As he started to palm himself the pure version of himself makes his appearance again “but, I don’t know if im ready for that just yet, you don’t mind waiting for me do you baby? Just a little longer, I promise I wont make you wait to much longer but tonight I just wanna lick, just wanna stroke and touch you till you’re Cumming for me, is that okay, baby?”

You look around at the background of his live, trying to distract yourself knowing that if you look at him any longer you won't be able to help but start touching yourself out of pure desperation. His bed sheets had math equations on them, different trophies across his wall for academic achievements. You eyes wondered slightly over his body again but this time you weren’t looking at his chest, you noticed a bruise on his elbow and all you wanted to do was kiss it better. While your eyes dances around his bedroom and you mind fluttered with all the ways you’d like to take care of him you managed to change your position so you were up against your headboard, clothes completely removed and your laptop was in between your feet that were now spread out in front of you.

“Lets see who we have joining today, who's going to let this desperate little tongue explore them tonight” The soft stuttering of his words were in huge contrast with the things he was saying making your brain melt and he pulls you back to attention when he starts reading the names of some of his views and your pussy throbs when he calls out your user name ‘Missy/n’. Yeah, you knew it wasn’t exactly original but when you signed up to the website you never thought you'd become a regular viewer of anybody. “Will you let me please you tonight Missy/n? You’re always so silent on my streams”

Shit, he was addressing you, calling you out essentially. His viewership was so small he could remember his regular viewers, sometimes addressing them by the name they asked and talk to them while he streamed. It looked like tonight it was your turn. “Do you like being called Miss, y/n? Does my girlfriend like being called miss? I can do that if you just talk to me baby” Your pussy was dripping at his words, you had to clench your fists in order to stop from touching yourself. You could see other comments on the side begging for his attention, asking him to talk to them since you were clearly too shy. They weren’t wrong. You never interacted, and clearly he has noticed that.

“You always watch my streams but never join in on the fun” He slowly starts pulling on the waistband of his slacks and his cock pops out into view. He's so big and hard, he has one of the prettiest cocks you’ve ever seen and you verbally moan out loud. “We had so much fun last night, I know you where there, you can tell me anything remember, I'm a good boyfriend I'll do whatever you want” he pushed his hand into his pants and you heard a gasp from off camera “Please, Missy/n, please tell me what you like so I can make tonight all about you”

The fact he was directing this to you makes your brain vibrate, all sense being thrown out the window as your pussy clenches around nothing, needing to feel something. You type up your reply, talking to him for the first time, it's strange how nervous it makes you but you need him to start, your stomach is starting to hurt with want. You want to sound sexy but don’t want to embarrass yourself 

You settled with something simple 'Call me Miss, H, I really like that' and hoped to God he would keep going, You’d never felt as nervous as you did pressing the enter button on your keypad. “Fuck yes, Tonight's all about you miss, its all for you”

Waking you up felt great, the laptop was pushed to the end of the bed as you sat up and rubbed your eyes starting to stretch for a second before starting to panic.

No alarm?

You searched your bed quickly looking for your phone, throwing the covers and the pillows around untill you eventually found it hidden underneath the laptop at the end of your bed.

8:35. Shit.

You had 25 minuets to get dressed ready and at work. You let out a frustrated 'fuck' As you flipped your house around trying to find everything you needed. You were lucky you put all your clothes on the right way round at this point.

Your hair was thrown up quickly and your face was bare, you'd have to skip the make-up for today. You threw your laptop in your bag and hauled ass to your car making sure you're there as quick as the speed limit would let you.

You were lucky, every light turned green and the roads were practically empty meaning you were only late to your first class by 5 minutes.

As you ran through the door you were quick to apologize to your students, not that any of them were really paying attention to you. You were in such a rush you barely had a grip on your laptop case and bags while they were slipping down your arms.

"Do you-" you feel your bags slipping lower and lower as you hear Hyunjins voice and his hand reaching out to help you "-do you need a hand Miss?" He was always so sweet. His black hair was tied back and his big blue jumper looked nearly too big for him as he grabbed your laptop bag off your arm allowing you to reposition your other bag on your shoulder.

"Thank you Hyunjin" you give him a smile and shouted out to the rest if your class "You guys talk amongst yourself for a second while I set up"

Both you and Hyunjin walked to your desk and placed all your stuff on there "There-erm-what" as you looked up to your side Hyunjin was still standing over you struggling with his words. You couldn't tell what he was saying over the noise of a nearly full lecture hall talking amongst themselves though "Hyunjin, are you okay?"

He looked surprised at you addressing him and shook his head as he was released from whatever daydream he was in. His cheeks and ears looked slightly flushed as he opened his mouth to say something but the words wouldn't come out.

"Do you want to help me set up?" You weren't sure why he was always so nervous around you, but you tried to help him out wherever you could. You assumed it was because you were his teacher. You weren’t much older than him, but old enough that you held the authority, besides, no matter what your age difference you were the person who held his grades in your hands. He was twenty one years old and he could do whatever he wanted in his life, as long as you gave him the grades to achieve it.

You tried to sound as casual as possible as you directed him to the chair at your desk and asked him to set up the laptop and your google documents, maybe if you were slightly less formal with him he would calm down a little when he was around you. As you pulled everything out of your bag that you needed you heard another whack as Hyunjin rubs his elbow sitting on the chair at the other side of it. That's the second time he's hit his elbow on your desk, he's so clumsy. So much so that in another few seconds you heard a crashing of your laptop and another bang on the table from Hyunjins direction. 

As you look over, your laptop is on the floor and Hyunjin looks shocked. In a second he was rushing to pick everything up as he almost groveled to you “Im sorry, i'm so sorry, wait-”

You can hear everybody in the background starting to turn and talk about what was going on at the front and you feel that frazzled Hyunjin even more. He was clamoring around the desk and the floor trying to pick up everything that had been dropped. You moved around the desk and dropped to your knees trying to help him, as he scrambled, you were trying to help him by grabbing things calmly. The whole class was starting to get louder and you could hear people laughing at him and you were starting to get frustrated. 

“It's okay Hyunjin, don’t worry” but as you grabbed your laptop he seemed to get even more stressed out grabbing it at the same time as you almost as if he was trying to pull it out of your hands. When you looked down at the screen, you realized why. 

The screen was lit up glowing on SKZCamboys.net. All the air felt like it was punched out of your stomach. You must have forgotten to exit everything when you rushed this morning and now both of you were staring at the screen that was on H’s profile. Thumbnail of the video finished and paused on the screen of his cock in hand, with cum all over it. 

There was no explaining this away, you slammed the laptop closed and started to apologise but before you could, the laughing from the class was getting louder “You’re such a fucking loser” - “Look at him stairing at her! Hyunjin wants to fuck the tutor everybody” - You heard laughing coming from all different directions and you could see the mortification coming from Hyunjins face. 

He was quick to react, pulling his body from the floor and running towards the door. You shouted his name but you knew there was no quick fix to this. All this had done was added fuel to the fire of Hyunjin getting bullied and honestly all you wanted to do was hit your head on the table. 

As you managed to pull yourself off the floor ready to scold your students there was a knocking on your classroom door, the entire off you class were silent and that could only mean one thing.

"What's going on here miss Y/L/N" there he is again, the bane of your job. "Sir we just had a small mishap, it's nothing I can't ha-" he interjected before you could say anything. "Small mishap? You have a student running out of your classroom, your entire class shouting about and all your lesson notes seem to be scattered onto the floor"

You took a deep breath before you could answer him. You needed to compose yourself "I can assure you Sir, it's not what it looks like"

"Not what it looks like? So you haven't completely lost control of your class?" Before you could say anything he was walking towards your desk with fury in his eyes "take the rest of the week off miss y/l/n, i'll deal with you on Monday"

You were shocked to say the least, you were standing there in the middle of your classroom and he had the audacity to send you home? As if you were a student yourself. You shook your head, surely he was just being dramatic "Sir, I don't think that's necessary"

"Oh Miss y/l/n I think it's very necessary. In fact, make it two weeks, now collect your things and head home"

You didn't say anything. You felt embarrassed. The entire time this was happening your class was watching over your shoulder in silence. They all looked as surprised as you as you awkwardly bent down to pick up the rest of your papers and packed all your things away. Your exit from the room felt shameful. Your head was hung low as there were no words exchanged, the only sound was the clicking of your heels on the hardwood floor.

As you left and closed the door behind you, you leaned against it hitting the back of your head on it. There was nothing you could do. You weren't the first tutor he'd sent home but if you were honest, you were the first one he'd sent for a legitimate reason. You had lost control of everything going on back there.

That's when you remembered what had happened with Hyunjin. Oh God, you needed to make things right with him, for him. You wondered where he'd run off to, unsure where to even start. How do you make that up to somebody. Nobody wants to see the porn their teacher gets off to, especially not somebody as sweet and nieve as Hyunjin. Not to mention unintentionally embarrassing in front of the class, if he hadn't seen what was on your screen he wouldn't have dropped anything and nobody would have thought anything of it.

The walk to your car was slightly defeated. Head hug low, ignoring everybody who you walked past and slumping yourself into your front seat. As you pulled your phone out to check any notifications you saw the email the university had sent you.

Dear Y/N,

This email is to confirm your suspension from USTRAY University with immediate effect. This will be a 12 day suspension period and you will be due to return on Monday 1st of May.

In the meantime if you have any queries please take them up with your HR representative.

You may still be asked to contact students via email if any on-going work issues present themselves but in these cases you will be paid for your time.

On your return date you will have an investigation to look into the details of your suspension, the out-come of this meeting could rage anywhere between no further action taken to a disciplinary hearing.

We hope you are in good health and we look forward to seeing you soon.

USTAY University 

you rolled your eyes and threw your head back in defeat, the one thing this university had going for it was that it was efficient, you weren't even off the grounds and you already had your suspension email. As you drive home you play the email over and over in your head.

__________________________

You weren't really sure what to do with yourself. You'd been at home for two hours, sat watching TV twiddling your tumble idoly while thinking of how to be productive. Your situation was shit to say the least but you wanted to at least do something with the forced time off. 

You'd been almost in a trance for the last hour, bored and watching TV only managing to snap out of it when your phone rang next to you.

You didn't even look at it when you pulled it up to your ear to speak to whoever dared interrupt you wallowing. "Hello"

"Oh Hi _____ it's Chris"

Why would Chris be calling you? He was one of the music studies tutors at your uni, you'd only talked to him a handful of times so he's not somebody you thought would call to discuss your current situation. "Oh yeah, Hi Chris what's up?"

"First of all I'm really sorry about what happened, you're a great tutor you didn't deserve that, the man has lost his mind I swear" after a few seconds and a small thank you from you he continued "what I actually called to ask you about was Hyunjin"

Oh god, did he tell everybody what had happened. You're sure you'd lose your job straight away if the other tutors thought you were watching porn in your lessons. 

"He didn't come to his second class today and he's never ever missed a class and the somebody told me what happened in your lesson and it all made a little more sense"

You nodded your head as he spoke but you weren't entirely sure why he was telling you this. You knew what had gone on and you'd do anything you could to help Hyunjin out but you weren't allowed back in the uni and he knew that.

"I was wondering if you could reach out to him?" His suggestion left you feeling a little bit of dread, it made sense if you were Chris, to have you be the one to reach out to him. Everything happened in your class and you had always had a soft spot for him but if he knew what Hyunjin saw, what it was that caused the situation then he'd know that your probably the last person that Hyunjin wants to talk to right now.

"You're his favorite tutor, I always over hear him talking about you to Felix in my lessons, maybe if you just gave him an email for an update and a 'How's it going' chat, you know, I don't want him to start missing lessons, I wouldn't ask cos I know your technically not getting paid but" he finished his sentence without actually finishing it. 

You knew you'd have to speak to him, as it stands he was still technically one of your students so you'd have to approach him eventually, maybe it would be easier to do it over email.

"Yeah, yeah okay sure I'll see what I can do"

Before you'd even amended to finish your sentence Chris was thanking you from the other end "just keep me updated on anything that happened, and again, I'm really sorry about all this. He really is a dick sometimes"

You huffed out a small laugh to him and agreed before putting the phone down getting ready to send an email over to Hyunjin.

Where would you even start? How do you talk about something like this to somebody who struggles even talking to you. As you open up your emails on your phone and start what you were sure was going to be the most over thought out email of your life you noticed a notification at the top left of your phone

Babyboy has gone live.

You knew you shouldn't, you knew you had other things going on in your life that were way more important than you getting your rocks off and yet something made you click on it. You weren't working, you weren't getting paid to message him and as much as you wanted to help him the temptation of watching the man that always helps make you cum. Still, there was a small hint of guilt that washed over you, okay, maybe just a sneak peak and then you’ll get back to the email.

As you clicked on the notification and the video started playing you saw that he was already talking to people. Your volume was down and as you turned it up what he was saying was already turning you on 

“Will you fuck me today? I know you want me so bad, i'm ready, please” You were shocked, immediately immersed attention fully on him as his needy voice left your phone speakers. You could pull your eyes away and your body was getting hot. 

“You’re here, fuck you’re here. Fuck me, please” As he speaks he pulls into frame a small looking green bag, it almost looked like a pencil case but a bit bigger and with a bit more weight to it. It looked familiar but before you could even care to think about it he started to pull out its contents. 

Your mouth started watering as you saw the fleshlight. You were biting your bottom lip as he started pushing his finger inside it groaning out loud. What made him take this turn with his videos, you were sure he’d never actually get this far, only ever teasing his audience, but now you have this you weren't sure you’d ever be able to think about anything else. 

“Can’t wait to feel your pussy, been waiting for so long” as he talked you sat further back on your sofa and quickly pushed your hands into your jeans and underwear and started to rub yourself. You couldn’t control yourself when it came to the faceless man, when you felt how wet you were you pushed a finger inside of your hole and let out a soft but long gasp as you felt some of your tension running away from you. 

As he pulled his finger out of the toy he moved it further up in the frame, dipping his face down slightly as his tongue connected to the fake pussy. You immediately clenched around your fingers, this is the most you’d ever seen of him and he was licking a fleshlight, you couldn't help but imagine he was on the floor in front of you, tongue licking inside your slit as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. 

“Taste so good Miss, fuck I want more” The use of the word Miss made your eyes open and what you saw on your phone threw you through a loop. You pulled your fingers away from your body bringing them up to cover your mouth that was open in shock.

You could see his jaw, his tongue had pushed into the fleshlight and now his mouth and lips and jaw were in view as he tongued the toy, but that wasn’t what surprised you. 

Hyunjin.

You’d recognise him anywhere. Your pussy was still leaking and it felt so wrong. After all this time it was Hyunjin on the other end of the camera? His tongue was so deep inside the toy and you could hear his moans, watching his jaw move tentatively as he kissed around the lips bathing the toy in his saliva.

It took everything in you, every ounce of moral to exit the window on your phone and place it down on your sofa. Your eyes were closed as you tried to take deep breaths and forget about it but when you did you pictured him again, the vision of his tongue between your legs, pushing it deep inside of you as your legs quivered around his head.

You couldn’t help but jump up off the sofa, clapping your hands to the front of your body and to the back, pacing around trying to do anything that could get the picture out of your head. It was wrong, the thought of it shouldn’t make your body squirm and your pussy clench the way it was.

You’d never thought of him like this, you’d always noted that he was good looking, it was the main reason you thought the boys all picked on him, jealous that he was attractive and smart, a lethal combination.  But, untill now, never once had you thought about him sexually.

Your phone once again goes off, a notification sound ringing around the room.

Perfect a distraction.

It was a text from Chris

"Thanks for getting in contact with him, I'm sure he'll be grateful for it. Just if you can make sure you message him soon and then send me any updates or just CC me in on the email"

Okay maybe not.

What the hell were you supposed to do? There was no way you could CC Chris in on the email. What would happen if Hyunjin replied and mentioned what happened, in fact, maybe it wasn't a good idea to email him at all. You needed to get some distance. You were having the most inappropriate thoughts about him.

You typed back a quick reply to Chris with the perfect excuse.

"Hey Chris, I've just tried emailing him but sadly I'm having no luck with my Internet connection on my phone and due to my laptop being dropped today I'm unable to try on there until it's repaired. You may have to try and contact him yourself, Sorry for all the hassle"

Okay so you lied through your front teeth but that was the best option out of all the ones you could think of at the moment. This would allow you time before you got back to work to deal with this all in your head 

"Oh that's fine I'll send you over his phone number, maybe just giving him a call would be easier anyways, it's a bit more personal, just let me know how it goes. Thanks again"

Sure enough in the next text Chris sent you over his number and you were near rolling your eyes. 

He was right, a phone call would be much more personal and you wanted to avoid that the best you could. Could you get away with texting him? No, that's far too informal and awkward. 

You couldn't help but let out a loud grunt of annoyance. Fuck it, just call him and get it over with. It's not like he knows what your thinking, this is just as casual as it would have been before you found out. It's only different on your end of things.

You planned out how it was going to go in your head, looking at your phone weighing out the possible opening lines and options you could take 

"Hi Hyunjin it's Miss __, I was just calling to talk about what happened today in class" maybe? No, wait, this opens up the possibility for him to talk about your laptop "Hi Hyunjin, I'm just calling about you missing your lessons today" Nope, that kinda feels too accusatory. You didn't want him to feel at fault. "Hi hyunjin, I just wanted to call to make sure you were okay after today, Professor Bang said you'd not been in for your next class?

That felt better, you weren't accusing him of anything and you didn't give him too much time to talk about the incident, more leading it towards the missing off classes than anything else.

You must have paced around the loving room for a good half an hour before you hyped yourself up enough for the call, anybody watching would have thought you were getting ready for an Olympic run. You'd managed to straighten up your living room, make yourself and drink and do the dishes all until you had nothing left to procrastinate over.

Your heartbeat had slowed down in the half an hour avoidance but as soon as you picked up your phone again you could feel it increasing. You dialed in his number and took a deep breath, it was going to be fine.

Well, it would have been fine if he didn't answer his phone so quickly, throwing you off completely. 

"Hello"

How did you never recognise his voice? Without a face attached all you could hear was the man you watch on the other end of your computer screen. It was different when he was there in front of you though, when he was there his voice was soft and stuttered, unsure of what to say next. When you watch him on camera, although his voice was still soft, there was a confidence that made the two personalities indistinguishable from one another.

"Oh, Hi Hyunjin? It's ___, oh I mean. It's Miss ___"

Shit, now you were the stumbling idiot.

"Oh, Hi Miss, how're you? I mean, what makes you call?"

Okay, so not just you, you were both stumbling idiots. Come on, you just had to get this over with. Just ask him how he's doing and convince him to go back to classes tomorrow.

“Oh well, one of your tutors, Professor Bang? He called me and said you’d missed your lesson with him, I was just wanting to make sure you were okay, it's not like you to miss a lesson.”

You were honest and straight to the point, that's exactly what had happened. He didn't exactly seem happy with your reasoning though as his voice sounded slightly dejected in his reply

“Oh”

You weren’t exactly sure where to run with that without talking a little bit more, the only problem with talking more about it was you knew that inevitably you’d have to bring it up, you’d have to mention the one thing you really really wanted to avoid

“Oh? Are you okay Hyunjin?-” You tried to think of a way to address it but your voice was reluctant “-I know-” Ugh, here you go. “-I know what happened in lesson must have been so weird for you and i'm so sorry for that, I didn't mean for you to see that”

You released a deep breath at the end of your sentence, it felt good being able to say it, just getting it out in the open. Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal after all. It was porn, and you were both adults regardless of Hyunjins innocent seeming nature, besides, he really wasn't as innocent as he seemed evidently. 

“Its, its okay Miss, I’d never judge you for it, its more of a complement than anything”

Good? Why would seeing your porn make him feel…. Wait. It takes all of a second for you to realize what you were looking at when he saw your laptop. It was one of his videos, he knew you’d been watching him. Your eyes widen as realization slaps you right across the face. You can’t believe it. How could you ever live that down, this was worse than you could imagine. This was more than just him simply knowing you watch porn. He knew you watched him, he knew you watched him before you even did.

“Oh My God, Hyunjin, i've just realized”

You couldn’t believe it took you now to figure it out. He must really have thought you were a pervert. You needed him to know that it wasn’t something you did intentionally. You must have sounded so frantic as you tried to convince him

His voice though, was a lot calmer, very soft and shy with a hint of confidence that you’d only ever seen in his videos 

“And now you’re calling me up just to check on me, you must really like me Miss”

Wait, that voice, that is the voice he puts on in his videos. Did he really think you did this on purpose. How could you have possibly known it was him? He never once showed his face until today, not once did he mention his name or anything.

“Hyunjin, you have to know I had no idea it was you. I never would have if I’d have known” 

You managed to calm yourself down slightly but you were still bewildered, the most shocking part was that he wasn’t shocked. You thought he'd be embarrassed when he found out that, essentially, his teacher was watching his porn videos. Instead, it seemed to give him a confidence that you’d never seen in person before.

“Oh, so, you don’t like me?”

Why did he sound so disappointed? You could almost hear the pout that you were certain was on his lips right now. It's not that you don’t like him, it's that you can’t view him in the way you unintentionally have been. How is he not understanding what you’re saying?

“Hyunjin that's not what I mean, i'm your tutor, anything else would be ridiculously inappropriate”

Your voice was stern with him, you weren't tripping over your words anymore. Sure, you may still accidentally be thinking of his tongue licking up and down a sex toy but at least you weren’t verbalising that to him.

“You’re barely older than me”

Again with the sulking, everytime you try to explain yourself he seems upset and offended. He wanted you to like him.

“Hyunjin, do you, do you like me?”

You didn’t feel like you were reaching with your question, in fact you thought it had become pretty obvious after the conversation you’d just had, and apparently Hyunjin thought the same.

“You mean you didn’t know before now?”

God, his voice was so soft and coy. Wait, no, not soft and coy. This is wrong. You shouldn't love the way it sounds when he says it. 

“Hyunjin, you can’t say these things”

Saying it outloud almost made you believe it, made you believe that you didn't want to hear these words coming out of his mouth. Morally and realistically you didn’t but in the back of your head lived a fantasy. A fantasy that only became a thing when you watched his stupid live stream. Him and you, together. Apparently you weren’t the only one with that fantasy either.

“But I've wanted to say them for so long, I always try and compliment you but it always comes out so…-” You could feel his frustration, his voice was no longer pouty and more frustrated “-So wrong, it's so hard to look into your eyes and not get lost”

You fear hearing these words coming from his mouth and you're scared it's for different reasons that it should be. He was turning you on. You were already affected by what had happened earlier and now hearing him say things like this, it was sending tingles through your body

“Hyunjin”

You try to stop him but he just keeps talking.

“I know you would never look at me twice, I'm not some hot, popular older guy, but you do watch me, you care about me right?”

Of course you cared about him, you cared about him so much that you’d always treat him slightly differently, it broke your heart that even in this situation he was talking down on himself. His confidence once displayed was wearing down with your rejection.

“Hyunjin we can’t have this conversation anymore”

Just because you felt bad for him didn’t mean you could let this continue though. You couldn’t let him keep talking. You were scared he would convince himself further that this was okay. You were scared he would convince you.

There was silence, you couldn’t think of the right thing to say and there was no way he was going to lead the conversation.  The tension was so high as the both of you were lost for words. 

“Do you?-” Finally, he was talking. It was still stuttering and slightly unsure but at least he was attempting because at this point you had no idea what to say “-do you ever join in?”

You ended the call. You had no idea what else you could do. You couldn’t answer him, you had no idea what the right thing to say was. You’ve never heard him speak like this, not to you anyways. You were just so surprised that he had this side of him. Filming videos of yourself was one thing, yes one very surprising and unexpected thing for him to do, but to have that same confidence when talking to a real person, that's something you never thought you’d see in Hyunjin. 

What happened to the cute boy who wore oversized jumpers, baggy jeans and stuttered when he spoke

[onedayatatime-please]

Monday, Aug. 26th, 2024. 10:47 pm

I skipped yesterday again because I was once again exhausted and once I was in bed there was no going back. I really just need to try and do these a bit earlier in the day but I forget.

Important things from yesterday:

FINALLY HAD FUCKING THERAPY OH MY GOD. Therapist was very nice, I like them. I had been worried because they were my third choice, but I really liked our conversation and I can see myself actually opening up to them. As we were talking I realized I started pulling back and not giving full details on some stuff because my brain had the knee-jerk "I shouldnt say this and put this burden onto another person" anxiety, which of course is ridiculous like they are my therapist its their job, but also I couldnt stop thinking it. I also had a bit of a rough time leading up to the appointment, just so much physical anxiety. My heart was racing and I was very dizzy/lightheaded, the kind I get where if it gets worse I'll pass out. I did some simple 4 by 4 breathing which helped a bit and then once we actually started talking it gave me something to focus on and I felt better. Afterwards though I was feeling my usual post-body-anxiety nausea and fatigue.

A part of my intake was doing those depression/anxiety tests and it turns out I passed those with flying colors. I always knew my depression was worse then what I usually test as because I would often lie on those tests, and it was honestly kind of refreshing to see a score that I felt like it honestly reflected where I'm at.

Also I'm being reminded of how terrible I am with eye contact. I always think that Im pretty good at it, especially when im holding casual conversation. But then the second Im having to talk about myself in any capacity my eyes are on the floor, on the ceiling, rolling into the back of my head, fucking anything other then looking at the person im talking to. I did try a few times and it felt like touching a hot stove.

Besides all that nothing happened.

Today nothing really happened either, I did a bunch of chores and continue to be consumed by Crozier and JFJ. Specifically I found a website by a person making a book about JFJ and spent over an hour just reading through all of their essays and transcripts of his letters. Found out that his brother's nickname for him was "Jem" and that's just so fitting i could cry. One of his friends wrote in a letter after they were already finding the bodies that he was surprised that none of James' possessions had been found and Im pretty sure that is still the case. I think all that will change once they are able to exhume objects from the actual ships. I am hoping they will make a museum I can visit one day. I believe researchers say that the first twelve objects they bring to the surface will be given back to england while the rest will be given to the Inuit leaders in Canada, which I am very glad for.

Also I have read so many passages from Peglar's journal, but some how I only just found out about where he mentions Armitage? I forget the exact phrasing but the passage suggests that Peglar and Armitage were actually in love and it was Armitage's body that the journal was found on. Although that confuses me because I believe I had read somewhere that the journal was found on a body that wore a certain kind of neckerchief which was only worn by stewards? It is very possible that there are multiple different accounts on this and, like many things in this area, the truth is found along the lines of whichever story you chose to believe.

For example, I will always be convinced that JFJ was queer. You're telling me he played juliet in romeo and juliet, and was caught having a literal pillow fight IN bed with his best boy friend TWICE ?

Also I watched a silent documentary today about a trip taken to the antarctic in 1910-1912, and from that documentary I would like to share this incredible picture of a real actual penguin.

Doc was called "The Great White Silence." It ended with everyone fucking dying. As any great story of an arctic mission featuring englishmen and goofy penguins should.

No literally there was like an hour of silly penguin content. And then just. A guy committing suicide by walking into a blizzard and not coming back. Hillarious change in tune, if you ask me.

Anyways.

Im not dead yet, I will do my best to keep it that way.

Edit because I just saw this in my dash and it is simply correct:

[jarofstyles]

You Again

A/N: Hello! We’re so happy to be posting the first of many one shots to this blog. We have a lot of goodies lined up and coming soon and we’re really excited to be sharing with you all! If you’d like, feel free to follow us to make sure you’re up to date on anything we post :) enjoy!

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masterlist 

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: age gap (23/36), alludes to smut

word count: 6.4k

He should have gotten her number.

That thought had been circling his mind for the past year since this stupid speed dating event he had gone to. She was a younger girl, Y/N, her name was. She had been the only one to grab his interest truly, and they’d both laughed off the prospect of dating because, well-- she was 22, and he was 35. That was a major age difference and neither of them were into that. Or so it seemed. 

He didn’t get her number. 

They’d had a good conversation about how awkward this stuff was, they’d laughed all 10 minutes of the speed date before saying farewell and at the time, Harry ignored the little twinge in his chest that sprouted when she had left him to go talk to someone else. He had figured it was because he thought she was fun to talk to. Now, after many failed blind dates set up by his mother with snooty or money-hungry heiresses, he was looking for something real. Something born out of a connection. Not a fat wallet. And as much as he had tried to deny it in the past, Y/N had been the only one he had felt that with. 

He searched for her on Facebook, a website he only used for looking at cat pictures and videos of food he would never make, looking for Y/N’s in the area. He didn’t think there were that many. 

That led him back at the place where it all started, this stupid fucking speed dating event that landed him in this mess. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Part of him was hoping he would see her by chance, or maybe someone else that would light up his heart. Naturally, Harry was disappointed to walk in before it started. Y/N wasn’t there-- and yeah, he knew it was a long shot. She was a young, beautiful, sexy and intelligent woman. It wouldn’t surprise him if she had been scooped up and had a child on the way already. 

It filled him with a sadness he couldn’t describe, not having his own family yet. He wanted children so badly, wanted a wife to come home and kiss. His house was too big to be alone. Harry had known what he wanted. A year to be selfish and take up all of his woman’s time, and then babies. Whatever type of marriage ceremony she wanted, he wanted a wife to love on and kiss, to make love to and be silly with. 

He looked down at his phone and sighed, scrolling through emails when he heard a familiar voice. Soft and distinct to him-- no fucking way. There was no way.

“Hi, sorry I’m late! I got caught up in traffic and I had to rush over here... did you already start? Is there room for me?” Y/N asked the organizers kindly, knowing they worked so very hard on these events and that lateness was probably not the most tolerated. She had offered up a gentle smile as they told her she’d made it just in time, ushering her over to a table that already had someone sat at it. 

Y/N couldn’t lie and say she didn’t come here without purpose. It’s been about a year since she had last been to one of these events and she still thought about what it would have been like to actually date him-- Harry. In their brief 10 minutes together, she gathered that he was ready to settle down, he had his life already together. At the time, it all seemed too quick for her, the idea of having a family at the ripe age of 22. She thought that dating a man who was so set in his ways would mean she didn’t have freedom anymore, but what had really changed in a year? Her mother was still pestering her about having grandchildren, all her friends were getting married. She was still the same Y/N, she still wanted the same things. Sure he was older, 12 years to be exact, but they were both adults! They’d gotten along well! They’d had a good laugh and he wasn’t unattractive either— she so blindly shrugged him off because she thought he wouldn’t want someone so young. Come to think of it, he was a great fit for her and she blew it. Instead, she spent a whole year going on shitty dates, horrible horrible dates that made her want to give up on anything at all. Maybe this little speed date thing would bring her luck again. Just one guy who gave her the same vibe Harry did and she’d be okay.

Funny, if she didn’t know any better she’d think this guy sat at the table she was walking towards was Harry. Dark brown hair, the broad shoulders. The outfit was a bit more eccentric though, that she wasn’t really expecting, but Y/N really wasn’t one to judge. She had grown up a lot in a year, had figured out what she really wanted, she wouldn’t be making the same silly mistake twice.

“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting.” She spoke in an apologetic tone, but it wasn’t until she got settled in and looked up at the man sitting across the table that she realized that it was, in fact, Harry who was sat there. Y/N’s eyes went wide, noticing he had a similar expression on his face. 

“You again?” 

“Fucks sake!” He smiled, leaning forward on the table. “It really is you. Wow...” He took her in. She had grown considerably and he loved it. She was more professional-looking, seemed to have more of her life together. But he was overjoyed. “I can’t believe I found you again! I was trying to find you on Facebook... Do you know how many Y/N’s there are in this city? A stupid amount.” He muttered. “But wow... I didn’t expect to find you here. I was hoping, I mean.” He felt giddy with energy. He had found that he was more excited than he had ever anticipated. “I kept thinking about you since last time. I think I made a mistake.” He said softly. “Not getting your number and laughing off the possibility due to an age difference. That’s my mistake.”

“I mean, maybe it would have helped if I had a Facebook.” Y/N laughed a bit, “but that’s really sweet... Why didn’t you call the organizers? They probably have my information on file.” She hadn’t bothered finding him because well, he was much older and she assumed he wasn’t really looking for her but he’d been looking for her. This whole time. 

“I did, they said they weren’t allowed to give out information for safety purposes. I understand that much.” He was glad she wouldn’t be in danger because he had met some crazies when he came last time, that wasn’t her. It was weird. But now, he was hoping that they could continue where they’d left off. “Want to go then?” He asked, looking at her with an amused smirk. “What? There’s no point in being here if we want to just talk to one another. There’s a coffee shop just a few doors down.” He nodded his head towards the door.

Y/N was shocked at his suggestion, but then again she really did remember him always knowing what he wanted. She looked at him with a raised brow for a moment, deciding fuck it. She had gotten back up, blushing as she waved over to the organizers and told them that she’d found what she was looking for. She really had. 

----

Y/N got herself a panini and a coffee, paying for it before he even had the chance to offer because who said this date had to end here? Besides, she didn’t want him to think she expected him to pay, she could afford lunch for herself. They’d sat down at a table by the window, a nice cushioned booth for two. It was cute. Y/N had moved the sunglasses up onto her head and pulled her hair back behind her shoulders, looking at him with a curious gaze as he observed her. 

“What? Haven’t changed that much, have I?”

“No. You just look as though you’ve grown quite a bit. In maturity, I mean. You have the air of someone who is put together. Last time I saw you...” Harry could see her confusion. “You looked more hesitant. More unsure. Now you seem to know what you want. It’s a good thing.” He smiled at her. She was so cute. He was incredibly attracted to her but that wasn’t a surprise. She was beautiful and had pink lips and big eyes and curves. Beautiful. Sure it was a bit soon to think about but, he was sure they’d make fantastic children together. Curly hair and soft little noses. He could only hope they’d get her nose. 

“Yeah? Feel like I have. Tried to figure things out, haven’t exactly had the most success.” They both hadn’t clearly. It was nice for Y/N to hear from someone who hadn’t seen her in a year that she had grown up and matured a bit. 22 to 23 was a bigger step than most people believed. Last time they spoke, they had bonded over the fact that both their mothers were looking for them to find partners. They had both been searching for different reasons, but Y/N felt like she had spoken too soon. He wanted a family and a wife to love fairly soon and now that she had a whole year to think about it, Y/N wouldn’t be opposed to being a wife with a family fairly soon.

“How have you been? I’d like to know what you’ve been up to. How your writing has been. You write about home goods, yes?” Harry smiled widely as he settled into his seat, waiting for his coffee and muffin to come to them.

“I’ve been well.” Y/N laughed, shaking her head when he commented about how she wrote about home goods. “Yeah, I’ve um.. I’ve extended my blog page. Been doing well as far as posting goes, have a few brands that consistently work with me.” Y/N nodded with a smile, “Speaking of which, if it’s good here I might just post about it.”

“Yeah?” He was trying to read her. She seemed comfortable enough with him but this was technically a first date type of thing, so he was hoping that she would want to go on more. “That’s amazing. I’m glad that you’ve been able to expand. I’ve been wondering what you’ve been up to. To be honest... assumed that you would have been snatched up by now. I’m very surprised that you haven’t been but truthfully, m’ glad.” His lips quirked up. “Gives me my own chance.” 

“You flatter me.” Y/N shook her head, knowing full well had he had just been kissing her ass a bit. Sure, she was an attractive young woman, but to think she’d been snatched up by now? She hadn’t been so hopeful. “Though, I can say the same about you.” Y/N blushed, keeping eye contact this time so he knew she was flirting. She knew she could be bad at it at times. 

“Has your mother calmed down on trying to get you to date?” He questioned, leaning on his elbows and planting his chin on his joined hands. “Mine certainly hasn’t, but they were god awful. Swear she doesn’t have a good personal radar.”

“My mother cannot be stopped.” Y/N snorted out a laugh, “She’s just... she is setting me up with just about anyone really, just wants me to hurry up and fall in love. She wants grandkids.” Y/N explained, knowing he would understand. Her mom was older than most moms of girls her age, probably much closer to his mom’s age. She wanted grandkids soon. “It’s a shame... but I can’t say I’m too upset with the outcome now. Happy we can at least take things into our own hands.” She took a sip of her coffee. He was very attractive. She couldn’t believe she passed this up last time.

“Me too.” He was beyond happy that Y/N ended up around him. She had taken up a chunk of his brain for a long while. He hadn’t gone full force and asked people to find her because part of him felt as if it was in the stars, then it would happen. And it did. So he was positive now that he needed to try this out. “I understand that. I’ve been on a few and I’ve been so confused as to why my mother set me up with particular people... it made no sense at all. But I had to admit I did compare them to you a bit. I knew I had made a mistake a day or so after the speed dating round the first time, not getting your number at least.” He adjusted in the seat, putting his phone face down on the table after getting a work notification. All his attention was in her. “I have to be honest with you and say ideally I’d like marriage and children in the next 5 or so years.” Ideally as soon as possible. “Look... I know this is an intense conversation for us the first time we truly go somewhere, but I don’t want to waste your time if that isn’t something you’re looking for. You’re a bit younger than me and I know sometimes people want to live fully and then settle down but, I am old.” He joked. “I’ve been wanting a wife and a child desperately. Ultimately it would be up to you whenever a child would come but... I want to make sure we are on similar pages here.”

Y/N was, of course, a bit spooked when he had so casually brought up how he wants to be married and have kids within the next 5 years. She had expected it, knew it was coming. She thought about it before they even met each other again, but hearing it so straight up like that was a bit terrifying. He could surely see it in her eyes. 

“It’s not that... it’s not that it’s not something I’m looking for, I am. It’s just very intimidating.” Y/N explained, taking another sip of her coffee. She hoped that he could understand that. It was a lot to think about being married with kids within the next five years, but she would like that. “And it’s not that it isn’t realistic, of course, you wouldn’t be wasting my time as I wouldn’t be wasting yours... I was afraid of it at first but then I thought about it and well, I’ve never been the type to want to live ‘fully’... I review candles and home goods for a living, I think I’m a bit past living that party life.” Y/N joked. 

“It’s alright. I’ve been told that I’m a bit intimidating before because I know what I want.” He smiled sheepishly. “But it is a waste if I'm not upfront with you, in my opinion. You deserve the respect of my honesty.” Harry lived in a world with businessmen being fake and he wasn’t one of them. He was straight up and it intimidated people because he would often say how he felt and if he felt someone was being a liar, he would say so openly. He opened deals with what he wanted. Full stop. But he found that's how he ended up being so successful. Even if it scared them, they appreciated the honesty. “I just needed to tell you first, before we hopefully dig into the fleshier bits. I’m interested in you, Y/N. If I hadn’t made that clear before.” He took her hand in his on the table and squeezed it. It was so small compared to his. “All I ask for is honesty in feelings. If you feel as though I’m asking too much or making you genuinely uncomfortable, please let me know.”

His hand taking hers surprised her but she relaxed, trying to calm herself and realize that this was a good thing. This was something she had wanted for so long! She had been thinking about him for a year nearly, why was she so damn scared? Y/N understood his sense of urgency, she just wasn’t used to men being so direct. That’s what she wanted wasn’t it? Why was she scared? Maybe it was a fear of commitment? She had done things on her own for so long, it was hard to think about giving in to a man sometimes. 

“You’re not doing any of those things, I promise,” Y/N told him and rubbed her thumb over his hand. “I understand where you’re coming from and it isn’t so much you as it is me, a classic line, I know.” She shook her head and sighed. “I do like you Harry, but I am not one to rush. So I’m sorry if I seem a bit stiff, I don’t do well with being vulnerable.”

“Hey... that’s okay. There isn’t a rush. I just want there to be no lies. No hidden agendas.” He could understand why she was confused at his blunt nature. “A lot of men like to play games. I’ve found that those aren’t fun unless they’re in the bedroom. Being upfront is what has worked for me.” He shrugged simply. Like he didn’t just say something about the bedroom. He hadn’t had sex in like, 2 years. He used to have someone he hooked up with but that wasn’t happening anymore after she had gotten a bit too attached and Harry couldn’t see past sex with her. It wasn’t what he wanted. He was clear in the beginning. But Y/N, she was someone he could see being close to out of the bedroom and inside. He had his curiosities but wouldn’t ask them yet. To be polite. “Why do you suffer with vulnerability, if I may ask?”

Y/N wasn’t expecting him to be so upfront. No one really asked her these types of questions, especially men who were interested in her. It was a positive sign, a green flag as opposed to the many red ones she had seen in her past ventures of finding love.

“I haven’t exactly had the best experiences in the past with relationships, built up a skin of sorts. I just... need a bit to warm up is all.” It really had to do with trust at the end of the day. It was strange to have a man who was so open, she knew it wasn’t his fault that she had all these past patriarchal beliefs. It felt like he was too good to be true, she needed to get to know him better to know if he was being serious. She wanted to believe him and she would, that wouldn’t change the fact that she was a bit weary though. 

“That’s alright. We can work on that.” Harry smiled. “I think there’s a reason that I’ve been thinking about you for a whole year, Y/N. There has to be.” He informed her of his thoughts. “You’re lovely. I think we could be a very beautiful couple in time. But I would like to date you. Take you out a few times, if that’s alright with you?” He knew that she was going to take a bit of work to get to trust him, but he figured it would be worth it all in the end if they ended up together. “What does your schedule look like?” He questioned. He wanted to get a feel on when they could have dates. He would plan very fun ones. Besides a coffee every so often but their first date would be fun. They could do something maybe a bit childish and let her guard go down so he could see more of how she truly is.

“Of course... um..” Y/N pulled away from his hand and went to get her phone out to open up her calendar app. It definitely was a little nerve wracking but Y/N knew she couldn’t back down. She was sitting here on this date just fine! He didn’t give her a weird vibe. He was just excited, as was she. In different ways, but excited nonetheless. “I’m available almost always because of my job, I sort of plan to do my work around my activities for the week so... if you would let me know in advance I could work something out most times.” Perks of being an influencer. Y/N made good money, took care of herself well. Hopefully, Harry could get her to come out of her shell a bit, and maybe she’d help mellow him out in a good way.

“Would you be open to going out tomorrow?” He questioned. “I work during the day most days but, I have the ability to take off if you’d rather do something during the day.” He was the boss and could do what he wanted, basically. If Y/N preferred to go out during the day then he would. But he could reserve a lane at the bowling alley he was thinking of bringing her to for tomorrow night. It was a Saturday night so it would be busy but he had a feeling it could get her to relax a little bit. He was hoping she would agree. 

“Tomorrow?” Y/N asked and looked down at her schedule, “Um, yeah, tomorrow sounds good.” She said with a nod. She was excited and a little nervous. Y/N knew she should at least tell someone she was going on a date, for safety reasons, but maybe she’d just briefly mention it. She didn’t want to jinx anything. “Here..” Y/N spoke, handing him her phone so he could put in his name and number. “Text yourself so you get my number.” She smiled, deciding that finally after a year, it was appropriate that they finally got each other’s numbers. 

----

Even though Harry had made the date sound lowkey, she still wanted to be properly prepared just in case things got... steamy. Y/N made sure her entire apartment was spotless and she had taken one of those long showers, she even made sure her sheets were fresh. What? It had been a while and he was hot… they’d had a whole year of anticipation, it could happen!

Harry texted Y/N for her address, wanting to pick her up. It was proper. Even though they truly weren’t that far apart, he wanted to be a gentleman. There weren’t many of them in this day and age and Harry was looking forward to showing Y/N that he could be one for her. He wore a simple outfit. A patterned button-up and leather jacket along with jeans. People would never expect he was a CEO but he liked to play with fashion sometimes. It was a fun pastime. Especially when brands were eager to send rich people their clothing apparently. He pulled outside of her house in the Range Rover today. It was a pretty basic car and he knew it wouldn’t be too flashy. He also brought extra socks just in case she didn’t, bowling barefoot was a no go. This bowling alley was 50’s themed, a drive out, about 25 minutes. He hoped she would be okay with that. He got out of the car with the flowers in hand. Daisies. He had chosen daisies for her. Roses would scare her a little, he thought, so this was a fun and memorable gesture.

Y/N was feeling super giddy as she buzzed Harry in, making sure all the final touches were complete. He wasn’t going to be in her place for long but, she wanted to be sure that everything was perfect. It was a bit of pressure she felt with him being that much older. Realistically she knew it was nothing to worry about, that he wasn’t really that old, but she was an only child, she struggled with that concept. Hearing the knock on the door she smiled, walking over and gasping a bit when she saw the flowers. 

“Hi— are these?” She looked up at him and then back at the flowers as if she was unsure. Who else would they be for? “That’s so sweet.” Y/N cooed and waved him inside. She gave him a hug, heat rising to her cheeks at the kiss he pressed to it. “Let me put these in a vase and we can get going. I’ll be quick! Make yourself a home.”

“Hi love, ‘Course.” He has done well with the flowers. Harry felt like a lot of men her age didn’t bother with flowers or little gifts but it was something he wanted to do with his woman. “Your place is lovely.” It was. It was roomy and decorated beautifully. Clean but still looked lived in. That was something he couldn’t wait to acquire. He wanted this type of home. His home looked so sterile that even he felt uneasy sitting in the living room. She looked beautiful too. In her little outfit that was simple and yet; so classy on her. “You look beautiful as well.” He smiled when she approached him. “I love the look. I hope you’re okay with a different type of first date.” He smiled. Bowling and a pub after weren’t traditional.

“Yeah? I’m glad you like it.” She worked really hard on decorating it after all. Y/N had found a pretty little vase for the flowers, making sure the water wasn’t too cold or hot before she set them on her kitchen counter where she’d see them the most often. “Thank you.” She hummed, “but no, I don’t mind. Anything works for me.” Y/N has been on so many shitty dates that at this point she was willing to take anything. Anything could top the time she went out to a steakhouse with a guy who ended up vomiting on her. Harry was already proving to be better than the others, but she hoped she wasn’t speaking too soon. She took his hand after locking the door behind her, following him on their way down to his car. “How was your day?” Y/N did want to know. These would be questions she’d ask on a daily basis. He relaxed slightly when she placed a hand on him. For some reason, her touch made him feel at ease. She was so easily able to make him react by touches and he wondered why that was. 

“Was alright. Worked a lot. I was excited to see you, to be honest.” He admitted, squeezing her hand as they left the door. He had been so distracted, checking his phone every hour or so. It was odd for him. He wasn’t ever normally like this. She appealed to him so much. He opened the car door for her, holding her hand as she climbed in. Making sure she was settled, he closed the door and went to his side. God, he was excited. Not too nervous because he felt like they had been placed together for a reason. “The place is around 25 minutes away if you’d like to send a friend the location you can.” He was understanding that they could do that on the phone. He had never done it but he knew his niece did.

“What are you planning on kidnapping me?” She teased, but knew she was going to do it anyway. Not that she thought anything would go wrong, but just so her friends knew she was safe and sound for their own peace of mind. 

“How was your day?” He questioned. Y/N was fun to listen to. Genuinely, he loved hearing what she had to say. Her voice was soothing and warm and she was good at keeping conversations going. That’s what made him relax further. It was almost time to arrive at their destination and he felt excitement in his stomach. He hoped she would appreciate the element of surprise. He knew it would be eating at him but she was easier on the questions and seemed to trust him on where they were going.

“My day? It was pretty average. Took some photos, tried out a new recipe for some raspberry swirl brownies. I have a bunch leftover, should have given you some to try.” Y/N pouted, “Maybe later though. When you drop me off.” She was already inviting him back? Maybe. Who knows, she assumed things would go well. Harry was extremely attractive, there was no denying it. If he kept treating her the way he was and if she had a few drinks in her she’d surely suggest more. Y/N wasn’t exactly the boldest unless she had some drinks in her, but even then she was pretty tame. Sexy wasn’t really her speciality, felt like she was pretty mellow and average. “Bowling?” Y/N asked with a smile, “did not take you for the bowling type.” She couldn’t believe this was where he was taking her. “Can’t wait to whoop your ass.” She giggled as she hopped out of the car, going to meet him around the front. Y/N took his hand and let him lead the two inside. This was great already. He was relieved when he saw the spring in her step. She was excited! He had done something right in guessing she would be a fan of this. Next date, he had something in mind already. 

“Hi... reservation for Harry.” He smiled at the bored teenage clerk. He obviously wasn’t happy about working a Saturday and he could understand that. When asked his shoe size, Harry gave it to him before turning to his date. “What’s the shoe size for you, sweetheart?” He asked, letting go of her hand so he could grab the shoes and hand his card over. He loved that she was excited, leaning into him. 

She’d changed into her shoes quite easily, slipping off her leather jacket and placing it to the side before pulling her hair up. “It’s game time.” Y/N teased, noticing how there was a little bottle of wine and snacks there as well. This was really cute and thoughtful. “I haven’t been bowling in ages, but I’m very competitive.” She warned him, “feel like we should place a little bet as well... make things more exciting.” Y/N knew it would be something silly and doable.

“Oh?” He raised a brow as he placed his jacket down on the chairs. He was curious to see what wager she would want to play with but he wouldn’t mind at all. Seeing as Y/N was an interesting little thing in general, he was hopeful to see what she would do. “What are you thinking of betting on? I am both concerned and curious, by the look on your face.” He had been planning on letting her win but it deepened now on the terms of the winning and losing bets. “I am quite good at bowling, little miss. So choose wisely.” He walked over to the little machine they could put their names into that kept score. “Lay it on me then.”

“If you win, you get to kiss me at the end of the game.... and if I win, then you get to kiss me at the end of the night.” Y/N felt like that was a perfect little wager. Regardless she was going to kiss him, but it was all a matter of when. She didn’t mind either way, but it would add some tension and of course she wanted to see just how badly he wanted to kiss her. Harry typed in their names setting his as simply H and hers as bunny. “Cute.” She giggled, looking at the different sizes of bowling balls they had and checking which best fit her fingers and brought two of them over to the machine. She went first, having had a lucky shot. She knocked nearly all the pins right away, her second shot managing to clear the whole set.

“Look at you!” He laughed, clapping at her little victory dance. She was good. Either way he was guaranteed a kiss so he was very happy-- however, was eager for it. He watched her skip back with a little tongue poking out to tease him. “Alright, alright. Champion bowler over here.” He grinned, putting the ball into his hands as it was his turn. Of course, he cleared all the pins the first try. For some reason, he was very good at bowling. Not at basketball or baseball. He was good at soccer and football but it varies. Harry laughed at her pout, moving about so she could go ahead and play her next round. She hadn’t asked where they were going after the bowling was done but he was excited. The whole night was going to be fun. Even now, he had a feeling it was going to be one of the best he’s had in a long time.

“Don’t get too cocky.” Y/N narrowed her eyes a little bit, getting up to go for her turn. This time she was determined to get a strike, focusing. She took a deep breath, doing a little meditation before winding up and letting it go. And she did it! Y/N turned around with a little giggle, flipping her hair over her shoulder even though it was pulled up. She had walked over to eat some of the snacks, taking a sip of the wine he had poured out for her. It was delicious. She was excited, this seemed like a very promising date already. Y/N did feel a little giddy every time he did well, but she wanted to try her best to beat him just for optimum teasing. Y/N had no idea there was a second part of the date, so she thought the end of the night would likely come a lot sooner. They were playing three rounds though, so surely they’d know who won by the end of it.

The thing is, he would have let her win. He really would have, but he wanted a kiss. Her teasing and poking her tongue out at him, their banter back and forth, it made him happy and he wanted to taste her. Her mouth was gorgeous. Lips plump and pretty, glossy. He wanted to kiss. It had been so long since he had a proper kiss, and he punched the air in victory once the final score showed he had won by 15 points. Y/N has scowled playfully, but he could see the blush on her cheeks. She was irritated about being kissed, and he loved that. 

“Let’s go to the car.” He pulled his belongings back in his hold, their bowling shoes deposited back on the front bench as they walked towards the car. “I woooon.” He grinned, popping his things in the back seat and tucking the phone back into his pocket, not unlocking the front doors yet. He came in front of her, hooking a hand on her waist, the other on her jaw. 

“Gonna let me have my prize?”

Y/N felt her heart rate pick up instantly, eyes wide as they scanned his own. She nodded her head with a small hum of agreement, leaning into his hand while she waited for his lips to lock on hers. Her whole body felt like it was on fire, desperate for him to finally just lean in and kiss her. This kiss was a whole year in the making, she knew there was no way it couldn’t be good.

“Good.” He didn’t wait, leaning in and taking what he wanted. It’s how he had been his whole life and he had no regrets, pressing his lips to hers. Immediately he knew he had made the right decision. His body was warm with delight, kissing her gently but having a firm grip on her. He didn’t know how far was too far but he knew she would hint at it. When she melted into his grip, his kiss became a bit deeper and pushed her farther up against the car door. Licking at her lower lip in an attempt of getting her to open a bit, he was pleased to hear a hum of approval come from her throat. A full kiss, Y/N was rewarding him with. Tasting sweet, he never wanted to stop. His body was electric at her touch, Feeling her lean into him and her tongue slick against his, he loved kissing her. It would be difficult now to go to sleep without replaying this.

It was definitely the best kiss she’d ever had. It was passionate and hot and exactly what she had needed after feeling so damn hopeless for so long. Butterflies erupted in her stomach, even her cunt was fluttering a bit with the way his tongue was moving against hers. Y/N had completely melted for him. Her hand had moved up to wrap around his wrist, her other moving to the back of his neck to keep him there. She really didn’t want him to move. It felt like the world had stopped moving and she was no longer thinking about their age gap or what was going to happen between them. All she was thinking about was how good he made her feel. 

“Gotta stop, bunny. I’ll get too worked up and.. I’d like to be decent when we get to our next place.” He murmured. Her arms were still around his neck and he liked that, but she blinked at him in confusion. “You didn’t seriously think I was going to leave you hungry, Bunny? No. You’re getting food. There’s a nice pub I go to back in our area.” He chuckled. His thumb rubbed tenderly over her jawline, pecking her swollen lips. “Stole that one. But you can have some more after we get you fed. They’ve got a lovely chocolate lava cake as well.” He didn’t want to pull away but he was hopeful that this night wouldn’t end any time soon.

----------------------------------------------------

[part 2]

A/N: thank you so much for reading! we’re really excited about all the content we have lined up. We’ll be posting regularly so make sure to check out our masterlist and send us request for what you want to read next :) - n + d

[tatertotthethot]

The Doms Next Door 2.0

THIS IS A TEMPORARY REUPLOAD FOR THIS CHAPTER CUZ TUMBLR IS RAN BY A BUNCH OF BOTS. 2.1 HERE

Warnings/AN: frequent, casually cursing; comical, gay Jimin; insecure reader; steamy flirting; tattoo/sexualized Tae 🙃. Enjoy~ (TAEKOOK EDIT ABOVE IS ARTKOOK DONE BY NONCONMAN ON INSTAGRAM)

copyright © 2018 all rights reserved

_________________________________

Your tires came to a stop outside of the tattoo shop you've seen online— a brick building, covered in spray paint and street-style art. A sign buzzed over the awning of the entrance doors, with the built-in UV lights and graffiti-styled font displaying the name of the place in neon-red letters. Kink For Ink! The name alone was what first caught your attention last week, when you Googled "Tattoo shops near me" and it pulled up a list, with "Kink For Ink" being the first option. It just seemed so uncanny and fitting at the time, considering the previous run-in you just had with the sex-crazed neighbors a couple nights before. You couldn't help but to click the link to their Instagram.

A profile came up with 53.4k followers, which immediately blew your mind... but you quickly saw why. Every tattoo and piercing, no matter the body-placement, skin-type, or quirky design, was vividly appealing— certainly done by the articulate hands of certified experts. Even in the comments of the piercings that were posted, people were praising them for the "minimal" amount of pain they experienced, despite the fact that some of piercings were done in places you couldn't even fathom the thought of having a needle jammed through.

It said in the bio that the shop is owned by the two artists that work there— Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. You couldn't find out much about them, all their pictures showed was their work. You even went back to search for a personal account of their own, but nothing came up. You then went back to the bio and clicked a link to the official website, hoping to find out something, but you were met with a disclaimer rule at the top that automatically deemed your chances of even getting your piece done by them, slim-to-none.

• No walk-ins allowed.

• Every request/idea must be sent in through the DMs of our Instagram page. You will only be accepted only if it spikes our personal interests.

Yikes; You were instantly discouraged by this. The piece you wanted was something so common and cliché, that you actually got the image out of a child's coloring book.... It was the cartoon layout of the glass vase and enchanted rose, from the Beauty and the Beast movie. Cheesy, yes. But it was something of personal, nostalgic value. You remember when you were little— roughly around 3 or 4 years of age— when your parents started fighting and would spend all day screaming and throwing things at each other, putting you in a constant state of anxiety. But then you'd go to bed at night and pop the VHS tape, and the movie never failed to put you in a peaceful state of mind— a hopeful one. It's remained as your all-time favorite love story throughout the years. Which, is ironic, considering that the relationship itself was different, but almost as dysfunctional as your parent's. However, the fact that even the Beast was capable of change, and everything wound up so perfect and happy in the end, makes your heart happy. And even now, at age 19, it still puts you in your feelings. The previous remake of a movie is what actually inspired you to get the enchanted rose as a tattoo, after seeing it in 3D not too long ago. But you're only willing to shell out up to $200 for it, at most. You've just started college, and even though Jimin's parents own the house and let the two of you live there, rent free, you're still responsible for half the utility bills from month to month. Blowing every bit of money you have saved up, right at the start of the semester, would just be irresponsible. But $200 was manageable, and you're looking for anything that'll give you a little extra "oomph" to break you out of this introverted shell you've always known. Pushing it off would just delay it, and you were ready for change. The nose piercing you want is just a small little thing that'll hopefully add a bit of flare to the features of your face. These two guys could probably do the piercing/tattoo with a blindfold on and a hand tied behind their back. So, if it meant that you'd be able to get these things done in confidence, without having to worry about the outcome, you figured it wouldn't hurt for you to at least ask, even if they straight-up ignore you. So, after spending an unnecessary amount of time overthinking the wording of your text, you finally constructed a message in your notes and DM'd it to business page, after sending them a small, simple outline of the cartoony rose, and pressed send.

• You: Hello! I've been wanting to get this tattoo done for a very while now, and was hoping one of you will be willing to do it for me... along with piercing my nose? I know it's a very mediocre and cliché piece, and a nose piercing can be done anywhere. But I'm new to the area and I've never gotten a tattoo/piercing done before and I haven't really checked out any other places either because I found this page first. And from what I can see, you guys are pretty efficient and CRAZY talented. So, I trust it'll get done right.... only if you want to! I'm willing to pay $200 for this, but if it costs that much for just the outline I've sent then that's fine as well. But I understand if neither of you want to do it cuz that is really cheap compared to the ones I've seen lol. But either way, thx for ur time 😁

A few minutes went by and you had just unlocked your phone to check the message again, when the word "seen" popped below the message. You held your breath for a second— but seconds turned to minutes, and time went by with no reply, what-so-ever. You figured maybe you sounded a little too immature to take seriously; kind of like a prepubescent 12-year-old asking someone out for a dance... and you blew it. Which was disappointing, but predictable. So fuck it. Maybe it's a sign; you shouldn't get it after all.

11pm rolled around, many hours later. You were now hiding beneath your covers, beginning your "amateur threesome" exploration on PornHub. You were ready to see what this whole "2 guys, 1 girl" thing was all about. But just when you were about to type it into the search bar, you were interrupted by an Instagram notification dropping down from the top of your screen.

"KinkForInk sent you a message."

You audibly gasped, eyes turning to saucers as you clicked on the notif and switched over to the Instagram app.

• KinkForInk: Hi (Y/N). This is Tae, one of the artists of the shop. The tattoo you sent in is worth roughly $100... but I want to run an offer by you in hopes that you'll be interested.

— Your brows scrunched in oddity, stomach fluttering. An offer? For you?

• You: Okay, sure. What's that?

• KinkForInk: I've been looking for someone willing to showcase the custom design I've come up with, specifically for a much more... exclusive version of the Beauty and the Beast tattoo you sent. And if you'd be down for letting me and my partner put it on you, it'll be free. No charge. BUT you'll also have to sign a contract saying that you'll do a little bit of modeling for us once it's done. You think you'd be in to doing something like that, even if you get it?

— Your head spun for a second, reading the message over and over again until you could fully wrap your mind around what he was saying.

• You: Hold on... YOU wanna put a tattoo on ME so that I model for you? And it's FREE? Are you sure about this? I'm not even model material lol.

• KinkForInk: Yes, yes, and yes, you are. You'd be perfect for this.

• You: How do know that? Is it a face tattoo? Cuz I only have 6 selfies on here and you can't see anything past my shoulders.

—"Seen" came up as soon as you hit send, but a couple of minutes rolled by with no reply to the message, nor was he even typing. Maybe you came off a little rude. But it was already sketchy and it was a logical question.

— An image suddenly popped up: a screenshot of your Facebook profile. Then another— and much to your horror, it was the photo Jimin tagged you in last week, when the two of you were swimming at a local community pool. You were wearing a simple two piece, sitting at the foot of the lawn chair Jimin was also sitting in, as his legs were visible on either side of you and his lap was practically framing your ass. The photo was at an upward angle and looked so scandalous— but really, you had just asked Jimin to put sun screen on your back and he didn't want to stand up because the pavement was too hot against his bare feet. But you actually liked the picture at the time; it was just a silly joke and your ass actually looked quite nice from that angle. Plus, everyone knows nothing sexual actually goes on between the two of you, for obvious reasons. But Taehyung doesn't, so you couldn't help but dreadfully cringe when you saw the caption of the screen shot.

"Babymama 💦🍆"

• KinkForInk: Is this you??

• You: Yes, that's me. The caption is a joke tho... pay no mind to that. But this is like, really happening? You really think it'd look good on me?

— Why that picture though? You couldn't help but wonder.

• KinkForInk: Yes. Like I said, you're perfect for this piece. Are you down to at least see what the tattoo will look like? We don't expect you to be experienced with modeling or anything, but if you listen to us and cooperate, you'll do just fine.

• You: Yes I wanna see, and I'll do the best I can if I decide to get it... I'm just a bit shy, is all.

• KinkForInk: You'll be in good hands. I promise.

• You: Okay... are you going to show me??

• KinkForInk: Can't send it over a message, I don't want it plagiarized or the concept stolen. But the piece itself isn't necessarily crazy or anything, just more creative. I'd be more than happy to show you at my shop some day this week, if you'd be willing to swing by.

• You: Yeah, I can do that. When should I come?

• KinkForInk: Are you available after 5 tomorrow?

• You: I am, I get off at 4:30.

• KinkForInk: Great. Be here by 5:30, and make sure you've eaten in case you like the piece and wanna get started. It's pretty big for a first timer and gonna take a lot of time and patience. It'll have to be done in sessions but I hope you have a fair enough pain tolerance to at least get the outline of it done first.

— It can't be any worse than a bikini wax, you thought, shivering at the memory. That a story for another time. You decided on an alternative scenario.

• You: I give blood from time to time... but that's easy and doesn't really hurt that much. I think I can handle it though... maybe. I honestly don't know lol, I'm sorry 😣. But I can try my best. Can I ask where it's supposed to go?

• KinkForInk: That's okay, I'll work with you. It's supposed to go down the middle of your back. Starts between the center of your shoulder blades, and trails down the length of your spine to your lower lumbar. You'll see how it looks once we transfer a template on your back. But if you don't like it, there will be no hard feelings from my end. I can still do the tattoo you want if that's the case, free of charge just for your time.

• You: Oh no, you don't have to do that! I'd still pay!

• KinkForInk: Not if I don't accept your money. Trust me, I'm not worried about it. The nose piercing is gonna be $30 regardless, though. JK isn't so lenient.

• You: Of course. Will I have to take my shirt and bra off for the tattoo?

• KinkForInk: Yes, and for the pictures once it's done.

— Your mind blanked at that; thumbs froze over the keypad. He was typing again.

• KinkForInk: Don't let that discourage you. Again, you're in good hands. You can bring something to cover your chest. And the pics will be if your back as well.

• You: Okay, I can handle that. So 5:30 tomorrow?

• KinkForInk: Yes, please don't flake on us!

• You: Lol, I won't. I'll be there.

"They're gonna knock us the fuck out and sell our organs to the black market," Jimin declared. He had parked next to you outside of the shop, and was now sitting in the driver seat of his car with his door locked and windows all the way up, refusing to get out. You were standing right outside his door, still having to talk on the phone. "And is this Tae-guy an AllState representative or something?"

Jimin is petty. You wanted him here for moral support— which he's usually reliable for— but this time, he's just plain salty right and doing everything he can to remind you of that. Reason is, he's been begging you to get a matching tattoo with him ever since your 18th birthday, and you've always refused because of what he wanted to get.

Cupcakes. Jimin wanted to get matching cupcake tattoos... in honor of Cupcakke the legend. Sorry, but H E L L no.

You rolled your eyes, growing frustrated. He only has enough time to pop in and confirm that these two aren't gonna kill you, and then he's gotta head home to get ready for work. You were already supposed to be in there. It was 5:33pm, 3 minutes past the time.

"Jimin, you're the one that insisted on coming along! And now you're making me late!" you ranted. "I'm going in without you."

"Hold your horses, hoe! I'm finishing my blueberry slushie," He retorted, sassily bringing the straw to his mouth and loudly slurping it into the phone. He then abruptly flinched away from the straw with a disgusted expression, nostrils flared, body locking up; lips drawing into an air-tight knot that was so extreme and unnatural, it caused an ugly snort to break out of your nose.

He smacked his lips in exaggeration to the taste, face falling back into stone as an eyebrow arched over the top of his aviators; unamused and saltier than before... Like you were at fault for that, too.

"Or... Blueberry-ass, I should say."

That forced another giggle out of you as Jimin stiffly rolled his window down, phone still pressed to his ear and eyes still scowling at you behind the inspector shades. He bit down on the straw and withdrew it with his teeth before dumping the dark-blue contents of the drink out of the window, making it a point to shake the styrofoam cup empty of every drop before tossing it over his shoulder and into back seat. He then spat the straw out of his mouth with an audible "PLUUUUH!" of a French accent, and waited until the window rolled all the way up again, just so he could hang up the phone. You scoffed at this as you shoved your phone back into your pocket, scornfully watching Jimin exit the car and slam the door behind him. He snatched his glasses off his face as his cotton-candy hair swayed in the breeze, revealing his scornful eyes right back at you as he gestured for you to lead the way in exasperated manner— as if you were the one wasting his time now.

"Go on, lead us to the grave," He shooed, a snippy little shit. You sauntered away, walking up the side of the shop, then paused just before reaching the glass entrance door, when you remembered how much of a coward you are. You've never even stepped into a parlor before, and supposedly, this was a famous one. Which makes it more and more surreal when you think about it.

"Are we doing the mannequin challenge now? Is that what we're doing?" Jimin sardonically inquired.

"You go first, I'm nervous!" You whisper-hissed.

"You don't want me to go in there first— I'll show out," he reasoned, simply stating a fact.

"Please don't," you whined.

"Then, again, I'll show out?" He reiterated, as if to say duh. "How else am I supposed to break the ice? I look like Timmy Turner's Fairy-Gay- Parent."

You gave him a wary look... he's right. You sighed, slightly kicking your foot in distracted defeat. Fuck, you hated making an entrance to new places—

"Hold up— is that Drake?" Jimin suddenly blurted, holding his hand up to silence you. You honed in on the muffled track playing from behind the glass door, and Jimin's face soon light up like a Christmas tree before he spun around you, unstoppable.

"Jimin, NO—!"

"KIKI, DO YOU LOVE ME—?!"

It was already too late. The door was flying back behind him as he Milly-Rocked his way into the shop, leaving you no choice but the chase in behind him.

"—ARE YOU RIDING? SAY YOU'LL NEVA-EVA LEAVE FROM BESIDE ME— hello there."

You were panting, coming to a stop right behind Jimin, where you instantly latched on to the back of his shirt as you met the face of the man behind the studio counter. And, as corny as this is gonna sound: the world actually stilled for a solid beat... or maybe you were in the verge of cardiac arrest.

A pair of glossy-Black eyes looked up at the two of you; A series of silver-studded earrings trailed along the outer cartilages, peaking out beneath a head of soft, layer-swept hair. It was a Carmel-tinted blonde in color— thick and shaggy, and neatly spilling in waves around a headband that proudly sported a high-dollar brand-name you've never seen anyone wear in person before. G U C C I, it read— Meaning that the headband alone was probably worth more than some of your college text books, put together. It sat just a few inches above a pair of dark brows, that oddly brought out the shape of his cat-like eyes— irises like polished marbles. His ample lips had a sharp, well-defined Cupid's-bow, and a natural shade of pink that fit the porcelain appearance of his melanin-kissed complexion, to the finest degree.

And here you are, looking like an actual bum. You had just enough time to clock out of work and head straight over here to make it in time. You didn't even have any makeup on, and the only thing hiding your raggedy hair from those captivating eyes is your old baseball cap from high school. It took a second for him to take the bold presence that was Park Jimin— who was also frozen to the spot as he openly checked the guy out. He was hunched over the counter, a v-neck hoodie covering the rest of him with a thin, loose-fitting material. It was Black and allowed a full visual of his tan neck, and prominent collar bones. And it certainly didn't hide the fact that he had a pair of wide-set shoulders, either. A pencil sat in his hand— one that was laced with masculine veins, and lot of decorative ink. There was a silver ring on his thumb.. and a very heavy-looking Rolex watch.

The man cracked a grin at Jimin— a boxy one that dimpled in at the corners.

"Love the hair," he humorously began, twisting a quirky eyebrow at Jimin. You subconsciously snagged the bill of your hat as your eyes went a little wide at how mature the man's voice was.

"Love the watch," Jimin retorted, then reached around and gripped you by the wrist before pulling you into full view beside him. "You wouldn't happen to be Taehyung...?"

"Mhm," the man hummed, absentmindedly moving his wrist at the mention of his watch. His eyes cut over to you, and you swore you could see a minuscule reflection of yourself in his eyes, before they flashed back at Jimin and blinked. "You must be the babydaddy?"

Blood rushes to your ears. It's really him... a guy who looks like a high-dollar model himself, asking you to be his canvas model. Your own conscious didn't even know what to say right now. So you stayed quiet and still as Jimin took charge... which was a mistake.

"She wishes, but no. I'm the best-friend— and a gay one, at that," Jimin replied, and you knew he did that for his benefit. Thot. "I'm just here to make sure you're not gonna sacrifice her to Satan, or anything of that nature. I need her around in case I ever forget the Netflix password."

Taehyung chuckled at that, mouth opening to reveal a row of teeth shinier than Chip Skylark's. But then, you caught something behind his teeth that caused your gut to leap. A silver ball... a tongue ring. Your thoughts clouded over for a second.

"Well, I can assure you, she's safe with me," he said, looking over at you again. You blinked, nothing more. His brow arched at your lack of response, but this time, it was done more handsomely as he was still smirking at you. "Still, you don't look too thrilled to be here... You sure you wanna do this?"

"She's just nervous because you're really fucking hot," Jimin announced, unyielding. "You should feel how sweaty her hand is."

"Don't listen to him— I'm gay too," You lied in panic, trying to defend yourself from the absolute truth Jimin spoke just then. You snatched your hand away from him and jutted a finger at the door, eyes beading and lid twitching as your nerves ran amuck. "Goodbye, Jimin."

"She's a lonesome hetero," Jimin told Taehyung, assuring him with a face that showed no bluff. "One look at her camera roll, and you'd see for yourself—" You were yanking him away by the arm now, in a tug-of-war game that Jimin obviously could've won if he really wanted to. But he figured you suffered enough and eventually let you drag him out of the shop, waving bye to Taehyung before turning to look at you with beading eyes.

"I think he wants to fuck you— text me as soon as you can," Jimin uttered with unmoving lips as before he walked to his car. You stopped for a second, noticing he was actually being serious. How could he possibly think that he wants to fuck you, just from that small encounter? And what is the odd sensation currently coiling in your stomach? Things grew awkward again when you re-entered the shop, coming to a stand at the same spot... only alone now. He was still amused, it seemed. And so calm and cool despite this odd, intense look in his eyes. It gave him a Casanova effect, where all he had to do was give you that look and it'd instantly make you blush.

"He seems like a fun person to be around," he noted, somewhat honestly, but more so making fun of the red-hot appearance of your face.

"He's a pain in the ass," you muttered, trying to conjure up a smirk but hardly even able to speak properly from how dry your mouth was. It felt like there was a white-hot iron expanding in your throat. "I'm really sorry about him."

"Don't be. I'm just glad you're here— thought you'd chicken out." You nervously wiped your clammy palms over the back pockets of your jeans as Taehyung got up from the barstool behind the counter and approached you on the other side of it, a whole head-and-a-half taller than you. He was wearing black cardigan jeans and matching combat boots.. his headband and jewelry the only thing not black on him. And oddly enough, he made it look fucking fantastic.

"Mh-mm," You hummed, not trusting your voice. You've never needed a sip of water so bad in your life— he even smelled expensive.

"Well, It's very nice to meet you," he formerly began, and you mustered up the normality of placing your (dried) hand into his much larger one, as he held his out to you in greeting. And boy, was he close. So close that the heels of your spine itches to lean back from the proximity.

"It's nice to meet you, too. I'm really sorry if I'm acting weird. I'm just nervous." — Your mind struggled to stay focused on your words, arm tensing at the skin-to-skin contact. You were extra-effected by the firmness in his grip. You really wanted to look down at all the bold ink you saw dashing across the veiny surface of his tanned hand, or see if those were images or scripted letters on the knuckles of lengthy fingers... But you were held captive by those God-blessed eyes... And that fucking tongue ring. It was infecting your head in ways that weren't necessarily healthy for your current state of mind, as you saw it peering in and out at certain words.

"And physically shaking," Taehyung pointed out, brows twitching down at your trembling hand in his as if he was concerned for it. But his smirk gave off an odd sense of fascination to the involuntary symptom, like it was cute or something? Hm. He glanced back up at you, causing your dehydrated throat to bob as his other hand came to clasp over the rest of yours, swallowing it completely from the wrist down. "Intimidated?"

"V-Very," you spluttered, a small slither of saliva copulating down your throat as you looked back up at him. He absentmindedly rolled his tongue ring over the button row of his teeth as he watched you with tainted eyes— undoubtably getting cocky with that damn grin of his and proudly teasing you about your reaction to him. It gratified the effortless sex-appeal he had. You were even beginning to imagine that tongue ring elsewhere, and you literally just met him. Then, as you felt the band of a ring move along with the pad of his thumb as gently ran it across your trembly knuckles, chills shot up all the way to your shoulder. Oh... oh wow. You glanced down at his knuckles on reflex this time, and saw a four-letter word scripted in black ink across the bottom row of his knuckles, and another word scripted on the middle section of his fingers. A silver band on his naked thumb. STAY TRUE, it said.

"And why's that?"

"I.. feel like you're a celebrity," you sheepishly admitted, your other hand wedging into your back pocket as you had to stop yourself from reaching for the bill of your hat again. Is he flirting? The words seem too innocent for the way he was making you feel. It was getting so hot in the oven of his massive palms, and he wasn't even squeezing you hard enough to cut off any circulation, but yet your fingers were beginning to tingle.

"Mm, no. Just a little popular, really," he granted, teetering his head a little as he pondered the thought. You could see his vocal chords contract in his sleek neck as they project his smooth, pungent voice. "You still trust me?"

"Mhm," was all you could muster. He'd gotten even closer, to where his hand had gone into a prayer stance around yours. You were aware of how wide your eyes had gone from the awe you... you knew this was just the beginning. He was going to be very handsy throughout this whole process. But in a very twisted way, you were more than okay with that. Even if it meant you were at risk of fainting from actual dehydration. Maybe you were in over your head. But you couldn't will yourself away from this now. And then, just as a wide, heart-stopping smile edged out on that mind-numbingly handsome face, the door at that back of the room swung open, and heavy-metal rock blasted through the quiet vibe of the scenery and caused you to jump a little at the disturbance. Taehyung shot a wicked smile over his shoulder, and his next words nearly knocked you out right then and there as you beheld yet another, breathtaking sight.

"Oh, there you are," Tae eagerly acknowledged, one hand still holding yours as he walked around to grab your with the other, presenting you to the.. hulking presence in the room. "This is (Y/N), our next little experiment."

[passable-talent]

Hi yes so I just finished the anakin punk au and it was uh perfect? And you should 100% please write more in that au it doesn’t even have to be in some coherent storyline, just more punk anakin please I am hooked

say no more my dear

I write this. and I think to myself “punks. they like weed. they drink. I should talk about that.”

and then I don’t. because I have a,,, responsibility to promote good health I guess?

don’t do drugs kids. most of them arent worth it i promise

and yes just like i mentioned wattpad in the last one tumblr is coming up on this one we’re breaking the FUCKING fourth wall

part one here

You passed out on his shoulder, exactly as he predicted, at about 2:00 AM.

He didn’t notice for a few minutes, and once he had, he had to make a very hard decision. 

He knew you were leaving in the morning, you had other places to be. And he had to get home, Cliegg was going to be pissed he’d been out this late as it was. But- just like you, he never wanted the night to end.

At 2:15, he shimmied out from under you, finding your room key quickly. Once he’d slipped it into his pocket, he picked you up, carrying you all the way back to your room. The door seemed to scream as it opened, but none of the girls were awake. He laid you onto the only empty bed, leaving your room key on the dresser, and kneeled at your beside, for just a moment. 

A night he wasn’t going to forget. One he wasn’t willing to leave behind. 

He found the notepad left by the hotel for guests and its nearby pen, scribbling his phone number onto it before smacking it onto your room key so that he knew you’d see it. 

He wasn’t taking any chances. He did everything he could to make sure that you were safe, that you’d sleep soundly, that he’d see you again. It was a bit of a walk back to where he’d left his car, at the venue, but it was worth it- he shrugged his jacket up around his neck against the cold and kept going, remembering how it’d felt to hold you. 

But, in all of his kindness, he had made one mistake. You didn’t get to say goodbye. 

You woke up in the hotel room the next morning, for a moment thinking that maybe you’d dreamed the whole thing. But then you realized you still had your shoes on, and you were laying on top of the sheets, why the hell would I do that, and you phone hadn’t been plugged in, and- 

And there was a phone number on the dresser. 

You weren’t really ‘dating’- you shouldn’t call it that. If you were going to call it that, then there would inevitably be a post on someone’s tumblr that you had a boyfriend, and who was he, where was he from, yada yada... that damn website already had half the internet convinced you were dating Padme, you didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire. 

So no, you weren’t dating. But you were texting every day. You learned so much about him, about how he was raised by his mom and worked at her friend Watto’s auto shop, about his step-brother and future step-sister-in-law, how his mom died when he was nineteen, about how he’d tried to move to California with his friend Obi-Wan a few years ago, but it fell through. In return, you told him about your life- living in the outskirts of San Francisco, being pushed into ballet lessons as a kid (as he said- ‘that’s why you look weightless on stage!’), being cut out from your family for quitting college to pursue music. 

You texted every day and every night, sent him videos from gigs, and he sent dumb little snapchats from underneath whatever car he was working on. You expected that to be it, probably for a long time- neither of you had the money nor the time to see each other more often. So you held onto the connection you had, the night you’d spent together. 

And you thought that’d be it. But- the universe has a funny way of surprising you. 

Your record label was based in LA, so you lived in Salta Ana, about thirty miles away, where the real estate was way cheaper. The band lived together, close as four friends could be, so they knew all about how you’d fallen for Anakin. Ahsoka would notice you glued to your phone, and ask snarkily “texting skyguy?” to which you always scolded her that his name was Skywalker. 

Living so close to LA made it easy to do gigs at any venue that would take you- bars, clubs, a particularly anarchist biker hall. A bar- such was the case for tonight. 

Like usual with a gig like this, Aayla had taken to instagram and called any fan in the area, so the bar was mostly filled with people who knew the music, but there were regulars, too. People who couldn’t be damned to listen to the lyrics, and just let the atmosphere move them. 

The setlist changed, when you were at a place like this. You didn’t necessarily rely on the hundred voice chorus that you loved so much, and so couldn’t include some of those songs. Your music strayed a little more to the rock end of the spectrum, when you played in places like this. With that high energy came faster music, more running around the stage, more movement, but you weren’t tired, when the set ended at 11:25. You were more energized than usual, in fact.

“Pads, I’ve never heard you solo like that!” You said, a bright smile on your face as you pushed out of the employee entrance of the bar. She gave you thanks, but not a moment later stopped dead, not saying a word, staring at you. You paused, looking at her, then Ahsoka and Aayla, who’d both stopped, too. 

“What?” Ahsoka and Aayla, though, were looking at something past you, which made you realize that Padme was, too. You turned, and leaning against the wall was- was Anakin. 

“Oh my god,” you said under your breath, dropping into a run toward him immediately. “Anakin!” He shoved himself off of the wall, letting you run into his arms, and just held you. You pulled away to look at him, amazed that after months, here he was, right in front of you, real. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, bewildered, surprised, ecstatic. 

“Visiting Obi-Wan,” he said, and he lifted his hand to your face, giving you a good look at that tattoo you hadn’t quite forgotten, dark lines reaching from his elbow to his palm. 

“And you,” he added. You couldn’t help it- you hadn’t seen him in so long, you couldn’t help the way you leaned into it when he pulled you into a kiss, and this time you weren’t exhausted, and you could let yourself feel it, you could pay attention to his chapped lips and the way he slid them over yours, still soft, even after waiting in the cold. You never wanted to leave this moment, like so many of the others that you spent with him, his hands on your face keeping away the January air. 

“Yeah, I’m heading home,” Ahsoka said, making you break the kiss. “Coming, or not?” You looked back at her with a bit of a glare, letting Anakin’s hands fall to your neck. 

“You guys go ahead,” you said, checking your jacket pocket for the essentials- wallet, phone, house keys. “I think I have a tradition to uphold.” 

The bar you’d played at tonight was a bit far away from the place you wanted to take Anakin, but you didn’t mind the walk, since it was with him. You’d been texting every day, and yet it felt different, there was so much more to talk about now. 

Apparently, Anakin hadn’t seen Obi-Wan since he’d left to move to LA, so it was a visit to an old friend as much as it was an excuse to see you again. 

“So you’re staying with him?” You asked, leading him by the arm down the street. 

“Yeah,” he said, hooking his elbow into yours, which let him keep his hands in his pockets. “He’s got an apartment in east LA, it’s got a nice couch.”

“East LA, not bad. What’s he do?” 

“He’s a talent manager, actually. Went to business school and everything.” Anakin paused, suppressing a chuckle. “He told me that he’d love to represent you, if you didn’t already have someone.” 

���Sadly, we do,” you said, playful, “but I’ll keep him in mind.” 

You’d pretend it was the winter chill that brought the flush to your cheeks- he’d told his friend about you. That had to mean you were important to him, right?

“Where are we heading, anyway?” He asked, and you, luckily, could channel your inner dramatic and turn toward the doorway you’d been heading toward all along. 

“Right here,” you said, and you took him inside. 

This was your recording studio- it was always open, so that any artist could stop in and get out whatever creativity they had. You showed your ID card to the lobby clerk, who approved it and called the elevator. Anakin followed your lead until the door closed, and just like you had on the night you met him, you pressed the button for the highest floor. 

“This is one of the buildings for our record company,” you said, the elevator so familiar. 

“Which would explain why he let you in,” Anakin said, a slight teasing tone to his voice. All you could do was chuckle, waiting for the elevator to reach the top floor.

From there, you lead him to a glass door, and swiped your ID card through a reader near its frame so you could step outside. 

“This is the rooftop set,” you said, gesturing to the wide space, “It’s where we film a lot of music videos.” This close to the door, it was hard to see over the side of the building, and so you took Anakin’s hand.

“The city lights keep us from stargazing,” you said with a smile, and brought him to the guardrail at the edge of the roof. “So I thought I’d show you the city’s version of the night sky.” Looking out across the city, there were a thousand orange sparkles, windows illuminated in buildings stretching as far as the eye could see. Criss-crossed between them were lines of red and white, LA traffic clogging the city streets even so late at night. 

No matter how many times you came up here, you’d never get tired of the view. Fifty-five stories up, there were other buildings that dwarfed this tower, but the west was free of them, so your view to the horizon was clear, even in the LA overcast. 

“Wow,” he said, looking out over it all beside you. “I’ve never- I don’t think I’ve ever been up this high.” You fixed him with a surprised expression, leaning your elbows down onto the banister. 

“No? Really?”

“I didn’t grow up in a city, like you,” he said, settling in beside you, his arm pressed to yours. You let your head rest onto his shoulder, remembering the night you met. 

“I’m glad you came out to LA,” you said, “though I’m hoping you’ll stay a while. I  want to go on an actual date with you.” You heard him exhale.

“You don’t call this a date?” he asked, and you lifted your head, looking at him, the lights of the city giving his face the slightest, golden glow. 

“Well, I mean-” If this was a date, then so had been the one after the show, back in October. Which meant this was your second date, and you’d technically been ‘dating’ this whole time, which kinda made him your- boyfriend? 

“Is it?” Anakin slipped his hand into yours, lacing your fingers together.

“This is better than any dinner and movie we could’ve gone to, I think.” He turned over your hand, tracing his first finger over the skyline tattoo that bisected your forearm. “Especially since it seems like this means a lot to you.” You couldn’t believe he’d noticed that tattoo- it meant he really was paying attention to you. 

“Yeah,” you said with a smile, lifting your arm up, his hand still held in yours, aligning the tattoo with the skyline you were looking at. “I got this done after we did our first video.” Silently, he examined the ink and compared it to the sky, seeing what you meant. 

“That’s really cool,” he said, bringing your hand back down, since his fingers were getting cold in the wind, and he had to assume yours were too. 

“How long are you going to be in town?” You asked, resting your temple down onto his shoulder again. 

“A week, or so. Watto says he needs me to work on a mustang that we’re getting- I think Cliegg told him to say that since he doesn’t want me in the city.” 

“Well, I don’t want to undermine your dad,” you said, “But I wouldn’t complain if you stayed here a lot longer than that.” You ran your thumb over the back of his hand. “It’s really nice to actually have you with me, and not over the phone.” Anakin turned to kiss the top of your head.

“Tell me about it. It’s worse for me, I promise- I listen to your music all the time, and it just makes me want to see you.” 

“Sometimes I forget that you were once just a fan,” you said with a laugh, “listening to our music.” 

“The luckiest one in the world,” Anakin added, and you almost wondered how you’d ever lived without him. 

You let a moment pass, in silence. 

“I’m twenty five,” you started, wondering if you had the courage to finish, “do you think I’m too young to be in love?” Anakin didn’t respond, at first. He turned to you, lifting his furthest hand to your face, making you look up at him. You could never get over those blue eyes- you’d forgotten how intense they were. 

“I guess it depends on the guy,” Anakin said, his teeth quickly catching his lower lip. “Do you think you are?” You reached up past his arm to his face, your first finger tracing his eyebrow before your palm came to rest on the ridge of his cheekbone.

“No,” you said, and you rushed forward to meet his lips. 

-🦌 Roe

[abiteofnat]

If you’re reading this, I’m coming back to Chicago, beetch

The non-existent rumors are true. After a brief 10-month exit from the city to soak up the fresh air and social distance-friendly suburbs, I am now returning to Chicago as a single, slightly more anxious version of myself. While I’m still trying to kick some of the anxiety and OCD that COVID-19 pushed from “lifelong tagalongs” to “all-controlling demons”, I feel 97% ready to be back where I feel most myself, and cannot wait to welcome that change. While that 3% still makes me a little uncomfy and hesitant, I’m a believer in pushing your boundaries to allow yourself to grow, and also, I am really sick of suburbs food. 

Ha! I joke. I wouldn’t move downtown simply for access to more diverse & higher quality food... or would I? All I know is while there are plenty of gems in the North Shore, I’ve eaten take out from all of them ten times over, and I did not foster my dislike of cooking out of nowhere. My parents do not enjoy cooking, my sister pretends to enjoy cooking, and I will cook if it is 5 ingredients or less. My latest speciality is a toasted bagel with butter, hummus, and EBTB seasoning. Voila. So when it comes to dinner, we are living off of a carousel of suburban favorites, and are losing steam as we are still not comfortable with dining inside (or dining inside in the city, where the fun food is). 

All of this to say, it’s exciting to imagine what life is going to be like in a few short weeks. While I’m still extra precautionary, I can’t wait to have my own space downtown, where I can enjoy coffee on my little balcony (!!!) and dream of the days friends can come squeeze into my studio safely while I lay out an entire table of sharable spreads and snacks from Ema (Charred Eggplant Spread is the best one, don’t fight me). 

So you may ask, how did you come to this decision to move to the heart of downtown out of seemingly nowhere, you hermit? 

It starts with my mom and I having a brief, simultaneous breakdown and coming to the conclusion that we would both feel comfortable doing a staycation downtown, as long as we wore masks, sanitized always, and braved the cold to eat outside. This was big for me! As a person with real OCD, not cute TV show “I have to keep my pens straight” OCD, this would be the most exposure I’d had to a lot of uncontrollable variables since the pandemic started. If you’re thinking, “you get to spend a weekend downtown in a hotel with your mom, shut up”, know that I hear you. I am unbelievably grateful that I’ve gotten this time with my parents, and that we can do a staycation. However, having anxiety comes at a cost, and that cost is blowing everything way the fuck out of proportion instead of being able to rationalize it sometimes. Let’s! Normalize! Having! This! Discussion!

So, we went downtown in early March for a two-night stay, and oh my goodness. The realization that we got to be in a different space, and do different things, and eat different food for a weekend made it feel like a legit vacation, and not like we drove 30 minutes to get there. The view from our room was of Michigan Ave, and hearing the traffic and seeing the people out and about instantly made me feel a sense of peace I wasn’t expecting. I’ve lived downtown for 6 years, but it always shocks me how much the city feels like an extension of me once I’m in it after being away. My mom and I went out for a walk (gentle yet forceful reminder to please wear a mask), then decided to grab dinner while we were out. The plan was to bring it back to the room, but there was a warm spell, and there just happened to be a table for two at Topolobampo on Clark, and suddenly we were sitting on the patio under the lights eating masa quesadillas dipped in a spicy salsa verde. It just happened!!! 

Before getting downtown, I was tentatively looking at apartments for the spring. I was looking at Lincoln Park, Old Town, maybe Lakeview, and came across a listing in the Gold Cost that caught my eye. That one was swiped out from under me within days, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the area. Then I discovered another unit that was available, and couldn’t shake it from my mind. Over mushroom tacos I discussed it with my mom, and we decided to go see it. Totally not what I had been planning for in terms of location, but why not? 

Once we polished off breakfast the next morning (Eggs Benedict with fried eggs, extra hollandaise) we headed out to see the place. Let me say I have never seen my mom fall in love with a single apartment I’ve lived in, and she was ALL. FOR. IT. Unreal reaction on her part. Once I saw the west-facing views and the incredible natural lighting, I was 100% in as well.

We spent the rest of the weekend wandering the downtown area, enjoying another dinner outside at The Gwen and my mom’s first visit to the Starbucks Reserve Roastery, which was 95% more empty than I’ve ever seen it given we went in a pandemic at 8:30PM. Shit on Starbucks all you want, but that Roastery is an incredible use of space (in non-pandemic times) and the coffee & Princi pastries are really, really good. 

When we got back home feeling refreshed and like we had actually gone on a vacation, I jumped into apartment shark mode real fast and signed as many documents as the very kind realtor could send over. One week later, whabaam, I was a Gold Coast girl. Ahem, *lady*. What better way to celebrate than going to Somerset and having the Rapini & Roasted Garlic Flatbread and Wild Mushroom Risotto? No clue. As I sat outside, yet again with my mom, I felt a wave of excitement come over me and realized, this is it. This is the sign and feeling I’ve been waiting for, telling me it’s time to move back to the city and start over. The creamy, herbacious risotto also helped solidify that. 

SO. After all of that, the news is I’m moving, and you’re probably wondering why I shared all of this on a blog about food. I meant for this post to be about everywhere I ate during my staycation, but realized quickly we ate at some very basic places - DELICIOUS, but still basic. Oops. Below are all the dishes I had and a rundown of the flavors, textures, etc., however don’t expect to find any new, revolutionary restaurants. Sorry! 

1. Topolobampo 

This Rick Bayless restaurant has been around forever, and unfortunately, you can tell by the interior. We’ve eaten here as a family a couple of times before, but never had a noteworthy experience. I can confirm that in a pinch, the patio covered in fun lights & mini piñatas, and the sharable, filling bites will do just fine. This was my first time going to a Mexican restaurant as a non-alcohol drinker, and instead of my typical mezcal margarita, I opted for a Fresh Limeaide which was refreshing and flavorful. We split the Guacamole and Chips, which if you’ve ever stopped at the Frontera in O’Hare, you know is good as fuck. It’s smooth, creamy, tangy, and topped with chopped onions and cilantro for a little crunch. It’s not the most life-changing, but it is consistently satisfying. Next, we got the Mushroom Tacos and Masa Quesadillas. The Masa Quesadillas were a fun surprise, as instead of a tortilla, the masa is what makes up the outside. They are almost like empanadas and stuffed with gooey, melty cheese, and come with a spicy salsa verde on the side. I would come back for these alone - they’re rich yet light, warm, and comforting, all the things you would want when dining outside when it’s still a little chilly. The Mushroom Tacos were quite frankly unreal, because whatever they seasoned the mushroom slices with and grilled them on made them taste unlike any mushroom I’ve had before. There was definitely some meat crossover on the grill, so don’t order those if you’re vegan, or ask them to prepare the mushroom separately. I however was LOSING MY MIND. Over mushrooms. The joys of being vegetarian! 

2. The Gwen

On a happening Saturday night in Chicago, Upstairs at The Gwen is sure to be a packed scene. Located in River North, this hotel bar/restaurant offers a somehow cozy rooftop filled with loungey couches, fire pits, and ambient lighting, even though you’re surrounded by apartments and skyscrapers and there is nothing “cozy” about River North. Every table was filled, yet since you’re outside and it’s fairy spread apart, it still felt safe. I got my new classic, a Lemonade, and we got the Burrata to start. With sourdough, roasted beets, squash, pomegranate, pistachio, & arugula, this plate was nothing short of mouth-watering. It has textures! It has flavors! It has pomegranate seeds, the TikTok must have of the moment! The bread was 10/10, the burrata was 8/10, and all of the toppings made for a very find bite of salad on their own. For my main I got the Lobster Fettucine, a beautiful bowl of “charcoal fettuccine with saffron-tomato sauce, lobster, calabrian chili butter, and basil-brioche crumbs” as listed on their website. Take any of those ingredients and it’s going to be delicious, but all of them TOGETHER? INCREDIBLE. The chunks of lobster were huge, absolutely making the dish worth its price tag, and the sauce was flavorful, unique, and unlike any sauce I’ve tasted in the last few years. It’s typical to do a squid ink pasta with seafood and tomato sauce, but the saffron added a new element I very much appreciated. 

3. The Starbucks Roastery 

I KNOW. THIS IS A TOURIST DESTINATION. All I am saying is if there’s no line, go get an iced latte with two packets of sugar in the raw. That’s all. It’s really good after something like, I don’t know, Lobster Fettucine. 

4. The Penninsula 

You cannot go wrong with hitting up The Penninsula for breakfast or brunch, especially if you are staying there and have the option to do room service. Typically we would go to Pierrot Gourmet, the cafe in the ground floor of The Penninsula, however it has been closed temporarily. If there’s one thing to order with your breakfast, it’s the smashed fingerling potatoes. Delish. 

5. Somerset 

Somerset is becoming a quick go-to of mine for an impromptu dinner downtown, given it’s in the heart of Gold Coast and is cute if you’re sitting indoors or outdoors. The food is nothing too innovative, but it is done well, which is the most important part with “cuter” restaurants that may focus on the Instagram appeal over the food sometimes. Each time I’ve gone I’ve gotten the seasonal flatbread and a pasta or risotto, usually something with mushrooms, and it’s always been plate-licking good. To drink, I got -you guessed it- a Lemonade! For dinner I went with the Wild Mushroom Risotto which was everything you could hope for in a risotto, topped with olive oil, herbs, and local parmesan. We split the Rapini & Roasted Garlic Flatbread which was as it sounds, flatbread covered in rapini, garlic, and ricotta, which added a nice crunch and had enough rapini to feel like it was replacing a boring vegetable side dish or salad. The patio vibes were wonderful, the judgemental girls in the greenhouses looked like they were having a good time, and our waiter couldn’t have been sweeter. I will be going back to try the Fontina Arancini, which I just noticed on the menu. FRICK. 

So there you have it, a very long-winded explanation of the last few weeks of my life and where you can find me on a staycation in Chicago. Hopefully once I move back to the city I’ll have endless new spots to try and won’t be basic anymore! 

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie 

[chappybird]

How to Get Roleplay on F-List: A Guide

Hey all. So I’ve had a few people ask me how on earth to get RP over F-List, or for those that have tried, say its too confusing. While F-List is a much different format than I think a lot of people are used to, it’s a pretty reliable source of RP once you get used to it. So I’m going to walk you through, step by step, how to start from nothing and get a profile set up to start RPing. F-List is 18+ Only and is a Restricted To Adults® Verified website. You can learn more about it by clicking the RTA logo at the bottom of f-list’s main page.

F-list’s main landing page can be located at https://www.f-list.net/.

Note that my f-list may look different from yours because I’m using dark mode (which can be set in the account tab) and I’m a subscriber, so I don’t see ads.

Step One: Make a Profile

Making a profile, or as they’re known on F-List, a character, is your jumping off point for getting started. There are three main factions on F-List: Anthro Characters, Canon Characters, and Original Characters, with subcategories of each. You also have hub profiles. There is a right way to make a hub profile, but that’s not something I’ll be talking about on this post. Hub profiles are pretty universally disliked on F-List and are often seen as a mark of laziness, and I do not recommend making one to look for RP on. You should make a separate Profile for each character you want to play as. If you have a normal account, you can make up to 150 different characters. If you’re a subscriber, you can make significantly more than that depending on your tier. 

Choosing a name for your character is very important! You want something attention grabbing, but since each character has to have a unique name, this can get a little tricky. Today I’m choosing to create a Link from the Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time. As this is a popular character, it can be difficult to track down a good name. You can be clever with naming conventions, while making it obvious who you’re playing, or you can add in underscores, hyphens, numbers, etc. It’s really up to personal preference. I advise not getting too abstract with your character name. Just pick something easy to read and to the point. Once you’ve decided on a name, click the create character button to open up the character editor.

Step Two: Holy Fuck Dude That’s a Lot of Shit To Fill Out

Take a deep breath. The character editor is very intimidating to those that haven’t used F-List before. Perhaps you have used F-List for it’s old intended purpose, just to list your kinks to link people to when RPing on other sites. Your first instinct might be to scroll down there and start picking kinks willy-nilly. Stop. In the grand scheme of things, this is not as important for getting Roleplay and if you do it incorrectly you might actually hurt your chances.

Now that we’ve calmed down you’ll notice two things at the top of the page. A big white text field, and this guy:

This, more than anything on your profile, is the most important thing. If you have this on profile, you will almost never get any roleplay. This is your character icon, and it’s the first step on your journey to doing this whole thing correctly. All you need to do is find an image that’s 300x300 pixels or smaller and upload it with the Choose File button. Then scroll down to the very bottom of the page and hit save. Search on google, and if you have a hard time finding something of that size, A great site to use is https://lunapic.com/ to edit pics if you don’t have Photoshop or Gimp. Choosing or creating an image with some sort of transparency layer is recommended because it makes your icon look more polished, but you don’t really need to do that. This isn’t an image software guide so I’ll leave that to you to figure out. If all you can do is crop an image into a square, that will do perfectly. But you need to have something here. Besides your character name, it’s the first impression you’re going to give to people when using the site. I have honest to god had people message me on empty profiles that having nothing but a character name and an icon. 

Sourcing your images is a bit of a grey area on f-list. It’s not really an art sharing site, but if you choose fanart that someone doesn’t want to be reposted, it can be removed by the mods if you’re reported for it. So we’ll just use some official art that already has a transparency channel and crop it using Lunapic.

Step Three: How To Set the Profile Up

If you’re following along, you should have something like this by now. This already gives us an idea of who you’re playing, and what they look like, and while you might get a couple of weirdos messaging you already, there’s still a lot to do. So let’s go over what to do next.

Now that you’ve already created a character, it will be listed under the character tab. Further characters will be listed in alphabetical order. Navigate to your character and click the “Edit” button underneath their icon.

We’re back to the big scary page. Remember that big text field? We’re going to ignore everything else and focus on this first.

F-List uses standard BBC code tags with [square brackets.] You can find some buttons that will give you tools like bold, italics, color, hyperlinks, and quote blocks. There are many different ways to create eye-catching descriptions. I would say the three basic ways are minimalist, inline based, and heavy BBC code. We’ll go through the first option in detail but if you’re interested in the the latter, there is actually a few F-List profiles that teach coding and even have a few templates to use. User beware, though. Many F-List users use these templates and they can sometimes look a bit generic as they are overused.

Templates: https://www.f-list.net/c/profile%20templates

Coding Help: https://www.f-list.net/c/profile%20references

If you want to make an inline based profile, having access to software like Illustrator, Photoshop, GIMP, and similar content is good to have as well. You can also make a blend of the three styles of profiles. I’ll link some examples of my own profiles for reference. Some of these have text included in the inline. Some of them just have an image with the text written out underneath. Again, it’s really up to your personal preference.

https://www.f-list.net/c/Rival%20II/

https://www.f-list.net/c/Lion%20Heart/

https://www.f-list.net/c/The%20Fire%20of%20Tamaran/

Now would also be a great time to familiarize yourself with the rules. Keep an eye on these, especially if you play contentious content.

https://wiki.f-list.net/Code_of_Conduct

Some big things to look out for and not to do: Photographs and realistic images of animals are not allowed. Even Nonsexual ones. Photographs and 3D renders of minors (even nonsexual images or nonsexual profiles) are not allowed. If there is even a hint of the character being a minor, do not use photographic or 3D renders. (For example: Tom Holland’s depiction of Spiderman. Even though Tom Holland was an adult when he played the role, the character is a minor.) Sometimes these can run into a lot of grey areas, but it’s better safe than sorry!

Step Four: Creating A Minimalist Profile

We’ll start with a short description. It’s really important to make sure your character’s name is present in your descriptio, especially if it’s not the profile name. If you’re feeling particularly lazy, you can copypaste something from a wiki or official description. Let’s start with something like this.

Link had humble beginnings as a boy that lived in the forest with the Kokiri. Known as the boy without a fairy, Link led a simple life until one day, the dying Guardian of the forest, the Deku Tree, set him upon a Quest to save the Kingdom of Hyrule from darkness. Arming himself with the elemental powers of Hyrule and the legendary Master Sword, Link journeyed through time to the Dark Era of Hyrule to challenge the evil Ganondorf and save his Kingdom from evil.

Shoving this into the Description box and hitting save will generate something like this.

You might notice that this looks like crap. And it does! however, we can very easily fix that with the power of just three simple BBC tags. Those being [center], [color], and [sub]. plus a little something extra I’ll explain in a moment. Let’s add those in like so.

[center][color=green][sub]Link had humble beginnings as a boy that lived in the forest with the Kokiri. Known as the boy without a fairy, Link led a simple life until one day, the dying Guardian of the forest, the Deku Tree, set him upon a Quest to save the Kingdom of Hyrule from darkness. Arming himself with the elemental powers of Hyrule and the legendary Master Sword, Link journeyed through time to the Dark Era of Hyrule to challenge the evil Ganondorf and save his Kingdom from evil.[/sub][/color][/center]

Instead of hitting save at the bottom of the profile this time, we’re going to click “Preview BBC Code” to get a look at what our coding has done.

Fancy.

But it could use a little work. When I’m making minimalist profiles, I like to make the lines of text a little shorter so it’s a little easier to read and looks nicer. Make sure each line of text is about the same length as the previous (minus any BBC tags)

[eicon]blank[/eicon] [center][color=green][sub]Link had humble beginnings as a boy that lived in the forest with the Kokiri. Known as the boy without a fairy, Link led a simple life until one day, the dying Guardian of the forest, the Deku Tree, set him upon a Quest to save the Kingdom of Hyrule from darkness. Arming himself with the elemental powers of Hyrule and the legendary Master Sword, Link journeyed through time to the Dark Era of Hyrule to challenge the evil Ganondorf and save his Kingdom from evil.[/sub][/color][/center] [eicon]blank[/eicon]

You’ll also notice that I placed an eicon tag with a “blank” body. Eicons are essentially image macros that can be used all over the site. Using the blank one here is a good way to put a block of empty space on the top and bottom so the text isn’t too crowded by the frame of the description box. Another couple to keep in mind are [eicon]under construction[/eicon] or [eicon]WIP[/eicon] if you want to save your work now and get right to chatting and exploring the site. This signifies that you’re still working on your profile and more will be added later. You can create your own eicons by going to Account > Icon gallery. Keep in mind each eicon must have a unique name across all users. Inputting this into the description and checking how it looks in the preview, we end up getting something that looks like this:

Looks like we got a bookmark while we were setting the profile up. That means someone saw us while browsing new characters and decided they want to keep an eye on our profile and are likely interested in RPing! If you like, you can disable bookmarks per character in the character editor under settings. Generally speaking though, bookmarks are your friend and it’s how people will find you to RP later.

Optionally if you want to add an inline, just upload an image of your choice in Account > Inline Images. You can then add it in the character editor using this button.

This isn’t a tutorial for creating inlines, but a general rule is to make sure it’s sized well, and transparent images tend to look better than non-transparent images.

Step Five: Character Details

Opening the Character Editor once more, a couple basic things should be filled out. We will take this section by section.

Settings: Some general tweaks to change and edit. Personally, I like to turn my timezone off, and besides that, I like to have my Guestbook and Bookmarks turned on as well, but all of these settings are up to you. A big one a I suggest turning on is “Custom Kinks Sort First.” This will come up later but it’s good to turn it on.

Character List: For now, you can ignore this part. You can use this to have certain characters grouped together and will show up in the sidebars of these characters. I haven’t run into any limits for how many character lists you can have, but keep in mind a character can only belong to one list at a time.

Images: If you have any images you want to upload, this is the place to do it. Headcanons of body types, additional art you’ve drawn or found, can be added here. You can add descriptions to each image that will appear when a user hovers over the image. Keep in mind, again, that usage of fan art is a grey area on F-List. It’s not an image posting site, but some artists do not want their art reposted at all.

Profile Info: You don’t need to fill out every single detail here. Bits that aren’t filled in will just not appear on your profile. It’s a good idea to fill out your gender, and in many cases, your orientation. Both are under General Details. Filling out RPing preferences is also a good idea. It’ll keep people from approaching you IC using first person posts if that’s not your thing.

Step Six: Kinks and Custom Kinks

This is probably one of the most overwhelming parts of the process. My first tip: Ignore the Kink section for now. Instead, skip ahead to the Custom Kink section.

Custom Kinks are a good way to tell people what you really want. Click the Add +1 Custom Kink button to make a new custom kink. You can fill out the basic title of the kink, and a description. Or if you prefer to leave the description blank, just press the spacebar. Select what category you want the kink to appear in (Fave, Yes, Maybe, No.) Try to avoid using inflammatory language against different races, genders, identities, and don’t kinkshame. This is a site based primarily around finding rpers that have the same interests and kinks that you do. Save the profile when you’re done and we’ve got something like this.

And really, you can probably start roleplaying like this. Maybe add a couple of images, and tweak a few things. So if you like, skip to the next step. But for now, I’ll go over the kink list.

The most important think to remember is you don’t have to add every single kink to your profile. Try to select the most relevant things, and avoid redundancies. 

For example, I’m not interested in Vore of any kind. So I can put the kinks Vore (Being Predator) and Vore (Being Prey) Into my No category. Or, if I want to make it even more simplified, I can add a custom Vore kink and put that in my No category. Likewise, if I don’t want to do any sex driven play, I can probably go ahead and just put sex driven there and ignore most of the kink list. Kinks that are not relevant such as Vaginal Sex (Receiving) on a cis male can also be ignored. Kinks are broken up into sections, and while it is a lot, just take your time, go through it sensibly, and take a break if you want to. Remember you don’t have to add every single one to your profile. This will ultimately be easier on you and make your profile easier to read. 

After a bit of editing, this is what my kink list ends up looking like:

You can try exploring the Subfetish editor but it’s a little confusing to navigate and isn’t very necessary. And now, your profile is done!

Step Six: Using F-Chat

 So now that we have a profile set up, it’s time to find some partners. Regardless of what way you want to connect, if you prefer script or para, the main place you’re going to find RP is through F-Chat. There is currently both a desktop and mobile client. if you select Chat you’ll see the option for both, and clicking on them will take you to instructions on how to set those up. We will however be using the Browser client in this example. Go ahead and select F-Chat 3.0.

You will be taken to a landing page with a drop down of your characters, with the first character you created selected as the default. (You can change your default character in your account settings.) You can have up to three characters online at once. Keep in mind this goes by IP address, so if you have a roommate that also uses F-List, those will count towards your total number of online characters. If this becomes a problem for you, just use a virtual machine or connect to the internet via a different method, such as with data. (F-List is not that much of a data drain.)

Here is what you’ll see when you open F-Chat. You’ll see I already have people in my friends list and my bookmarks (that I’ve blurred out for courtesy.) These will appear the same on all the characters you sign in as. I will be notified whenever one of my friends signs in or sets a status. You can set these notifications to show only on the console if you’d like to in the settings. Let’s set a status first.

Here, you have the options of selecting from the default Online status to Looking, Away, Busy, and Do Not Disturb. These all do what you’d expect, with Do Not Disturb turning off the sound that would play when you get notifications from personal messages or pings.

The Status Message is an optional addition, and it’s great for if you’re looking for specific things or want your friends and bookmarks to know what you’re doing. Be careful not to post anything that breaks F-Lists code of conduct. F-List does have an aggregate of every status you ever posted logged on their server, so throwing a temper tantrum and posting something inappropriate and then taking it back later might still get you in trouble.

While the Character Search Option is available to you, I’ve personally never found it very effective. You can search users by kinks, but keep in mind it doesn’t search by gender or orientation, or what species or even if they’re canon or original. Instead, we’ll go right to the settings tab.

General: Just your general settings. You have a few options here to tweak and while most of it is personal preference, I’ll highlight a few to keep in mind.

Disallowed BBC Code Tag: good for if you find a particular colour particularly garish as a text colour, or if you find an eicon that you no longer want to see anymore. Enter Sends Messages: I have this set to off so I can avoid accidentally sending a message for when I post. When this is enabled, just press the send button on screen to send messages. Otherwise, if you want to linebreak in one post, just press Shift + Enter. Animate eicons: If you’re running a slow computer, or have a slow connection, turn this to off. Eicons are used as memes a lot in F-Chat, and some of them can get a little ridiculous. (Someone has compressed the entire Shrek movie into an eicon and uploaded to the site in very poor quality for example.) There can also be bright flashing colours or even nsfw images. In general these eicons are all 100x100 pixels in size, but some users like to tile them together to create bigger images so it can sometimes get out of hand. This is something up to personal preference, and while I have Animate eicons turned on, I can see why some people wouldn’t like it. Idle Timer: If you are the kind of person that walks away from your computer without changing your status, or you have fallen asleep with F-Chat open, it’s good to set this to a reasonable time. If you’re in Online or Looking, after you’ve been inactive for the depicted number of seconds, your status will be set to Idle. This is so other users know that you’re not ignoring them if you don’t respond to their messages. A downside to this is if you’re tabbed out or multitasking, it’ll set you to idle when you may not intend it to and going back to the window switches you to Online again. It can be a little spammy if you’re constantly switching between Online and Idle. Font Size: If you find F-Chat’s font too big or too small, you can edit that here.

Notifications: While this section is pretty self explanatory, I’d like to specifically go over the Custom Highlight Notify Words.

Now, because each profile has to have a unique name, you might want to select additional pings. For example I might want to add Link,Zelda,Hyrule,Hero,Hero of Time to my list. Everything is comma seperated and not case sensitive. There are a few things to keep in mind.

Common word pings: If I add Link to my list of pings, I might get pinged whenever someone talks about a url link, or a chain link, or any other common use of the word link. It therefore might be better to not use the word. If you have a profile name that is a common word, it might be better to also uncheck the option for Notify Messages Containing your name.

Similar Profiles: If there’s another Link in chat, then I will be notified everytime someone refers to him by name as well. This is less of a problem on more niche characters, but it’s something to keep in mind! You can set pings by room, so perhaps a solution to this is using Link as a highlight word in the Canon Characters room, but not using it as a highlight word in the Nintendo room. More about how to do that later.

Hidden Users: Pretty self explanatory once click over. If you keep seeing an ad you dislike, you can hide all advertisements from said user (re: character) going forward. Keep in mind this is not your block list.

Import: If you make two profiles and want to have these settings copied from one to the other, just log into the profile you want to import to, and select the profile you want to import from. Make sure to go back to change your pings if needed.

Lastly, we’ll be looking at the channel section. 

You might be starting to be overwhelmed again, and that’s okay. There are a lot of options, but most of the time, you’ll only want to select the options that are relevant to us. Check off the list of rooms you want to open a tab for. These will begin to be added to your sidebar. the number in brackets signifies the number of users thats joined that room. By default, this list is most popular to least popular, but I personally prefer alphabetical. There may be some channels that you find inappropriate, offensive, or contentious, but your best bet is to ignore those parts of the site. It’s an Adult site that is heavily moderated by a mixture of paid and volunteer staff. Every effort is made to ensure that no real people get hurt, but it is understood that as an adult, you are responsible for curating the content that you consume. This is one of the fundamental principals that F-List is built upon.

For now, I’m going to go with Canon Characters and Canon Characters OOC from this list.

You will also notice an Open Room tab. Unlike the Official Channels which are moderated by F-List staff, Open Rooms are chat rooms created by the userbase, and moderated by the userbase. While the standard F-List code of content is applicable to all areas of the site, special rules may apply in these rooms, and you’ll find things like rooms dedicated to certain kinks, species, and fandoms. I can try searching for a few things I think might be applicable to me, such as Hyrule, Zelda, Nintendo, and Elf. Some of those get hits, and some of those don’t. I can also check them off to add them to my list. (Note that search terms have to be entered one at a time. I cannot search for multiple things at once.)

Once you’ve selected the channels and rooms you want to join, you can click and drag on the tabs to reorder them on the sidebar. If you’d like to pin a chat, You can just press the little push pin symbol, which will then turn green. (You can do this for User Messages as well.) This means when you sign out, these chats will still be there when you sign back in. Note that settings and pinned chats are device by device only, and furthermore, channels and logs will not carry over between characters.

Make sure to read the description of each room you join. There are often specific rules (such as no ooc talk in the canon characters room, and no male characters in the lesbians room.) Clicking the gear will allow you to change settings on a per-room basis.

Step Seven: Actually Finding some RP

Now, after all that effort, we’re finally ready to find some RP. You have a few options on how to do this.

You could just join a few rooms and set your status to looking with a status message on what you want, but this is considered very passive. You may get some people that reach out (As you saw, someone had bookmarked my Link less than an hour after I made the profile before logging into f-chat.) But your best bet is one of three options.

Look at the Ads: Whenever you’re in a room that allows ads, you will sometimes notice a differently coloured message fly by looking for roleplay. This is an ad. If you see one that seems to fit what you have to offer, you can right-click on their username and select “Open Conversation.” A chat window will be open under the PMs section on your sidebar. You can view this conversation like you would a channel. Keep in mind that users are not notified if you open a conversation with them, only if you send them a message.

Create an Ad: Make sure you are in a room or channel that allows ads by checking the description, you can select the ad tab in the lower right hand corner above the text input box to write an ad instead of a chat message.

Making a normal chat post saying “hey does anyone want to roleplay with me” is considered spam and could result in the mods having a word with you.

You have similar tools to what you do in the character descriptions, and clicking each one will automatically place the tags in the text box, with the eyeball being a preview and the question mark being a how to. You want your ads to stand out, but you don’t want them to be too obnoxious. Take a look at what kind of ads other people are posting to get an idea of what’s expected.

Talk to Others: And lastly, you can just play in public rooms or chat with people in ooc channels. This is a great way for others to sample what you’re like to play with and vice versa, or even just to get to know potential partners. In my general experience, you’ll have more luck finding people to play with long term in the user created Open Rooms than in the Official Channels, but ever case is different. There are a vast number of styles, methods of RP, and types of partners you can find.

That’s basically the ins and outs of F-List! The more you’ll use it, the more you’ll understand how it works and the social etiquette on the platform. Like many sites, it certainly has it’s share of dark corners and flaws, but all in all it’s a pretty good website to find people to play with! Have fun!

[hisunshiine]

Escape ✈︎ Chapter 4

✈︎ chapter 4: you have been cordially invited... |✈︎ Escape Series—18+, Mature     

   ✈︎ genre: fluff, future smut

   ✈︎ word count: 2,736 words 

   ✈︎ pairing: jungkook x [redacted] (at the very end)

   ✈︎ warnings: alcohol consumption

   ✈︎ summary: A look into what it's like arriving to Bangtania...

| series masterlist | previous | next | hisunshiine | mrsparkjimin18 |

Everyday, since the very beginning when it was announced, you have sat at your computer or been on your phone in order to participate in the giveaway for a chance to go to Bangtania Island. Every week, one lucky person has a chance to win an exclusive invitation from the girls who organized it, all expenses paid for them to relocate out there.  

Friday couldn’t have come soon enough; your job was draining. A typical 9-5, doing office work was monotonous and you slogged through the week waiting for your weekends to come. Despite the wish to find something else, nobody was hiring in your city. Not for anything you wanted to do, anyways. Deep in your gut you felt the need for something more, instead of the repetitious clacking of your fingers against the keyboard, answering the phones, and feeling like a machine.

Fortunately, it’s the weekend, so you decide to stop and grab a bottle of wine and make your way home. You’re ready to unwind with some youtube videos and spend time browsing your social media for anything interesting. You pour a glass of wine and relax on the sofa, open your laptop and log in to twitter. You have a few notifications, including an update from the giveaway page, they had posted there was another winner chosen and that the winner would receive an email shortly.

“That was 30 minutes ago!?” You squeal to yourself, an unexplainable feeling creeping over you.

Just then your phone chimes, and you unlock the screen to check your notifications. You have multiple email notifications, so you check your email app as you sip your wine. Scrolling through them, it’s mainly junk mail, you see one that catches your eye.

Sender Name: Bangtania Island Mayor

Subject: You have been cordially invited…

Y/N,

Congratulations! You have been selected as the next lucky winner to be invited to Bangtania Island. In order to accept this invitation, please click on the link and fill out the application. Documents you may need to gather prior to completing the forms in the link are:

Driver’s License

Social Security Card

Passport

Please make sure to include the earliest date for you to travel, and please have your physical completed prior to boarding the plane. All documents needed are attached to the email. Please make sure to electronically sign them and reply to this email with the completed documents. If you have any questions in regards to the forms, please do not hesitate to reach out. Upon completion of all required documents per your reply email, you will receive your e-ticket for travel.

The following are the guidelines and stipulations for traveling to Bangtania Island:

You will receive a one-way ticket, free of cost. You will be picked up from the airport and transported to the boat, which will bring you to the island. You will be given a limited amount of time to decide if you would like to stay as a permanent resident of Bangtania, approximately 2 weeks. Prior to you being granted full access to the island, you will meet with the Deputy Mayor who will greet you at the dock, completing a brief in-person interview. If you decide to leave or prove unfit for the island at that time, a complimentary ticket home will be provided to you up until the 2-week window.

Thank you,

Vanessa

Deputy Mayor of the Mayor’s Office, Bangtania Island

You couldn’t stop yourself from spilling some wine as you low-key panicked. You knew there was a very good possibility of being chosen; some of your mutuals on twitter had already left to go there, and while you had seen them briefly on the TL, it was never for long and they didn’t say anything other than that they were enjoying themselves immensely and to share the sweepstakes link.

You set down what was left of your wine that hadn’t spilt into your lap, and ran around your room, pulling clothes off of their hangers and out of your dresser drawers before you remembered you hadn’t even clicked the link to complete the forms. 

Pausing in the middle of your bedroom, arms filled with random clothes, you took 7 deep breaths to try and calm down before dropping your handful of clothes into your pen and waiting suitcase. Sitting back down, you calmly clicked the link and once transported to the secure website, you filled in the information needed so that your flight could be purchased for you as well as any other accommodations you may need could be handled by the ones in charge. 

You printed out the forms needed for the physical, jotted down some notes to go to the doctor on Monday to complete the form, and decided that the earliest you would be able to fly out was Wednesday. That gives you enough time to go to your job, request use of your vacation hours for the next 2 weeks, and turn in your two week notice. You didn’t ever want to come back to that shit hole.

You celebrated the news by turning up your bluetooth speaker and blasting your favorite upbeat BTS songs while you packed up everything you would need. Hasta La Vista!

Catching your flight was easier than you thought it would be, as you had an upgraded flight in first class. You were given star treatment, access to a separate waiting area with complimentary food and drinks, less people to deal with, comfortable seats, the works. You couldn’t believe that ARMY was able to provide all of this for you, but who were you to complain? 

The boat ride was also nice, more like taking a large yacht across the water to the island, you stood at the bough of the boat for most of the trip, enjoying the view as you became farther and farther away from everything that was shitty about your life and closer to everything you wanted. An escape into a world that was full of other people who were like you, liked the same music, had the same mindset, and you got to do it all on a paradise island? Hell fucking yeah.

After docking, you rolled your luggage behind you as you disembarked from the ramp, and saw a girl waiting for you. She was short but cute, a friendly smile and aura of being in charge. Her cheeks were slightly sunburnt, but you were envious of the way she looked refreshed, skin glowing. You couldn’t wait for that to be you; sunkissed and relaxed from the ocean breeze and too many margaritas.

“Y/n?” She asked, and you nodded.

“Welcome! I’m Vanessa, I hope that your trip went well?”

“Oh yea, it was awesome, thank you!”

“No problem, congratulations on winning! So before we go off to the fun stuff, we have a brief interview and a few more things to go over, and then I’ll give you a tour of the island and show you to your place. If you’ll follow me?”

Vanessa led the way to a golf cart and you climbed on, your luggage secured in the back seat of the cart. She turned the key, and you were speeding off towards a large house. It was painted white with accents of brick, and green ivy climbing lattices. The windows were large and beautiful, and you felt like you had seen them somewhere before. Like they were in a magazine or some type of professional photos or something. You shrugged off the feeling of deja vu, and followed Vanessa into the house.

The windows were open and provided a good amount of sunlight into the entryway, and you tried to take in as much as you could see as Vanessa walked past a staircase and led you towards the back of the house and into a side room. It was an office, with bright white walls and a large sturdy desk. A bookshelf was the entire wall behind the desk, where she now sat at. 

She gestured to the plush chair in front of her desk and you sat down, suddenly nervous. For such a large house, it was pretty quiet, and you wondered where all the other people were. Was this actually all an elaborate trick to sell you into sex trafficking and you were brought here to die?!

You calmed your thoughts once you heard laughter from somewhere above you, and music playing lightly from another area of the house.

“So, once again, welcome! I am the deputy mayor here, and basically in charge of getting you all settled. We are a formal nation, Bangtania, with a president, a whole government system, and we’re working on expanding the businesses here. Before I can reveal anything more to you, I do need to have you sign the Non-Disclosure Agreement here in person. I know that I sent it to you via email for you to read and electronically sign, but I like to cover all of my bases.”

Like clockwork, another woman walked into the open office door, carrying a glass of wine and some papers. She took a sip and handed the papers to Vanessa, who thanked her as she headed back out of the room. The woman blew a kiss and disappeared around the corner.

“That’s my best friend, Talia, and definitely the reason that all of this was even put into motion,” Vanessa said as she shuffled the papers before straightening them gently by tapping the edges on the desk. She stapled the corner, binding the papers together, and passed it over to you.

“I know you read over most of this, but I want to reiterate a few points anyways. From the moment you leave this office, you are not to share with anyone about the other people on this island. When you first applied to the giveaway sweepstakes, you gave us your social media handles. While we won’t take away social media from you, your posts will be monitored for identifying certain people who wish to remain anonymous while here. Please always ask anyone before posting and triple check photos as well.”

She points to a section and you initial, stating you understand.

“You have a two week period here to see how you like it. You don’t have to stay if you do not want to. After that time, you will be issued a passport for Bangtania, a resident ID, and be included in our census. You will have dual citizenship for here and for your home country as well.”

“If you choose to leave within the 2 week window, it’s no charge. If you choose to leave after, you will have to fund your flight home yourself. We will pay for your boat ride back to the mainland, and from there you can negotiate work or if you have money saved just in case, you can fly out. Also, if you choose to stay, you can always fly out to visit friends and family, just remember the NDA is always in affect.”

You initialed again.

Vanessa led you through a few more sections of the contract, and you learned that a few of the girls on the island were nurses and so if you were sick or needed minor medical attention, they would help you. Everything else was pretty much provided to you, and all they asked was that they could use your skills in return. 

You weren’t surprised they knew you had skills with computers and answering phones, which made you a perfect candidate to work in the main house under Vanessa doing secretarial work for her best friend, Talia. It wouldn’t be a lot of work, you would have plenty of time to enjoy the beach and rest, and the work would be related to the giveaway, running the island, and other fun BTS related things, so you were excited.

Signing your last signature on the bottom of the last page, Vanessa took the document, notarized it, and put it away in a locked filing cabinet next to her desk.

“Now, if you’re ready, I’d love to give you a tour of the island and show you where you’ll be staying.”

After seeing the main areas that people hung out at, you went towards what looked like a restaurant, which was good because you were hungry. Vanessa parked the golf cart next to a few others, and she held the door open for you.

You almost fainted. Seated at the table right when you walked in was none other than the 7 boys that were the reason you lived. BTS. Namjoon, Jimin, Yoongi, Taehyung, and Jungkook were sat at the table, and as you looked around, you saw that in between them sat other girls, including mutuals you knew were living here. Hobi appeared from swinging doors that led to what you assumed was the kitchen, delivering plates of food from a platter as a few girls followed him as well with drinks.

“C’mon Y/N, don’t be shy. Isn’t this what you wanted?” Vanessa laughed, taking in your shocked expression.

After eating, and sharing some conversation with Jin and Yoongi, you were ready for a nap. Jin was an exceptional cook, and you were full to the brim. Vanessa waved bye to everyone, a lingering hand on a certain male’s shoulder as she walked away, leading you back outside. As you sat back on the leather seat of the cart, she checked in with you.

“I’m definitely still in shock, but now I understand the NDA a lot more.” You chuckled as she drove you towards another house. It was just as big as the main house, as you heard several people call it, but the style was more relaxed and upon entering it, you realized it was because it was lived in. It was two stories, with a large open concept downstairs with a living room and kitchen, and rooms upstairs. You dragged your suitcase up the flight and Vanessa unlocked a room for you with a key before handing it to you.

“This is our newcomer guest room. We will have a room ready for you after your 2 weeks are up, if you decide to stay. For now, most people have said staying with me and Talia has been helpful if they had questions or needed anything, but any of the girls will help you, everyone is super nice.”

You looked around the room; it was spacious with a nice big bay window that allowed a decent amount of sunlight in.

“I’ll leave you to get settled in. Feel free to explore some more, and tomorrow we will have our weekly game night so you can meet everyone in a more relaxed setting and have fun. It’s our way of welcoming you to Bangtania.”

Vanessa let herself out of the room, closing the door softly. You wanted to explore, but at the moment the bed was calling to you. You lay down in the spot where the sun was pooling, curling yourself into the warmth and passed out. Jet Lag was a bitch.

When you finally rejoined the waking world, it was definitely not waking hours. The sun had set, and you shiver, the ocean breeze now too cool in your bedroom. You get up, throwing a MOTS tour hoodie on, and climb back in the bed, attempting to go back to sleep. Tossing and turning for about 15 minutes, sleep evades you. You must have caught up on all of your missing sleep with that ‘nap’ you took. Like you said, Jet lag is a bitch. Not wanting to continue to lay there restless, you slip out of the room and down the stairs.

You walk along the road, past other houses, finding yourself walking into sand. Sitting on the beach, enjoying the sound of the waves, you finally begin to feel tired. Rather than fall asleep on the beach, you make your way back to the house.

You head up the stairs and start down the hall, being as quiet as possible since it’s late and everyone is asleep. At least you assume they are all asleep, until you hear a very familiar voice coming from Vanessa’s room.

“Come here Princess, why are you acting this way?” You step closer to the door that is slightly ajar. You can’t believe what you are seeing, but you can’t stop watching either.

↣ all rights reserved © hisunshiine & mrsparkjimin18 2020-2021. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Sixty-Six

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Fluff. Smut…there’s, um, some more butt stuff…

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

Friday after work you meet Harry at the first of three locations he wanted to look at. He really trusted your eye and vision for things. You didn’t like the first location.

“Not enough foot traffic. You’ll want people to be able to walk in and make appointments.”

He agreed with you. Harry’s main thing was to make sure there were two offices in the back. He needed a private space for himself, and for Mariah if she decided to join him.

“You should also see if you can sell frames and other products to help add to your profit. You could offer special deals for those booklets you make.”

“Good idea. That’ll give Isaac somethin’ to do too if he comes along.”

You liked the second location the best out of the three. It was closer to home, and near a park. There were other businesses and a ton of foot traffic. There were two offices, one in the back, and one upstairs. Harry liked the idea of it being two stories. There was also a large storage closet.

“With some paint and some new furniture, this could be a really great place.”

“Yeah, and the price is right in my budget.” Harry says looking over his paperwork. “Are there many offers on this space yet?”

“Not yet, but it’ll move fast. Take the weekend to think things over and let me know Monday, yeah?”

“Alright, sounds good.”

You and Harry were having Mariah and Isaac over for lunch Saturday, so that would give everyone time to think a lot of things over.

“You have the money in your budget for renovations and stuff like that?” You ask him as you get into the car.

“Yup, I think I’ve thought of just about everything. I’d need to put my two weeks in at work quick though because I’d need to spend my free time fixin’ the place up.”

“Which means you’d need to file for insurance soon…”

“Yeah, and I’d need to get my LLC insured too. This is all happening so fast.” He says excitedly. “When can we start working on the website?”

“How about tomorrow night? Once we know if Mariah’s on board we can add her info to it.”

“Thanks again for helpin’ with all this, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He gives your hand a squeeze.

“I’d do anything for you, Harry.” You smile at him and he nearly starts to cry.

//

“So…what exactly are we doing here, other than to have lunch?” Mariah asks as you set a plate of sandwiches in front of everyone.

“Well, I’m finally jumpin’ into my own business, and to be up front, I want you both to come with me.”

“Me?” Isaac asks in shock.

“Yes.” Harry hands them his business plan. “It’s all right there. Y/N and I looked at some spaces yesterday and found one we think could suit all of us. My freelance work alone would be enough to sustain us, so imagine the few people you work with on top of that Mariah. And Isaac, there’s no one else I’d trust bookin’ shit f’me. I know I’m asking you to leave something comfortable, and it might seem rocky at first, but I think this could be great.”

“What would you call the business? Or is it just a space we’d use together?” She asks flipping through.

“Well, that’s somethin’ we could talk about. I mean I’d want us to have business cards that match. It could just be our last names or we could come up with somethin’.”

“I think we should just call it Styles Photography.” She suggests.

“But you’d be my partner, so where does your name go?”

“I’d be working for you, and it would go on my business card. Your name should be everywhere, this is your thing.” She smiles.

“Harry, I have to say, I’m really impressed with this. I mean the salary you’re suggesting for me is way more than I make now.” Isaac says.

“It’s what you deserve to be paid, you work really hard. And Y/N suggested we sell other little things to help offset other costs, which I think is brilliant.”

“Yeah, we could sell some of those techie frames where you digitally load the photos. People go nuts for those.” Mariah says. “Fuck it, I’m in.”

“Me too.”

“Are you both serious?! I wouldn’t be able to provide many benefits…that’s the only thing.”

“I’m still on my parent’s insurance for a couple more years.” Isasc says.

“So am I, actually.” Mariah says. “So we’d have time save up for all that.”

“My question is, when would we start?”

“Well, I’d be leaving Plant Geo far before either of you. I need to lease the space and fix it up. I’d say by June we could be up and running. Y/N’s going to help put a legitimate website together for us, and she’s going to do this social media campaign to help get the word out.”

“Harry, do you think you could have some legitimate contracts made up for us?” Isaac asks.

“Definitely. I could have them to you by the end of next week probably. So we’re doin’ this, I can go lease the space?”

“Yeah! Do you have any pictures?” Mariah asks. Harry hands her his phone. “I was thinkin’ of putting a wall up in the back and adding a small kitchen area. There’s an office in the back for you, and I would take the one upstairs. Huge storage closet for all our shit. I was thinkin’ of getting a custom desk made for you too Isaac.”

“Can you do all that yourself?” You ask.

“Yeah, I’m pretty handy. So are Lou and Niall, they could help when I need it.”

“My dad could help too…” You bite your bottom lip. You hadn’t really spoken to your dad in a while.

“We’ll see…” Harry smiles. “Anyways, I’m really excited you guys are on board.”

“Me too, I’ve been getting sick of all the drama there.” Mariah says.

“Chris is gonna flip losing her three best people.” Isaac says.

“You two need to keep quiet that you’re comin’ with me. I’m not even tellin’ her I’m getting my own studio, I’m just telling her I’m going to freelance full time.”

“Good idea.”

The three shake on it, and Harry tells them they’ll get proper contacts soon. After they leave he calls the realtor and tells him he’ll take the space and will have a check for him Monday.

“Once I get the blue prints of the place I can get the permits I need for renovations.” He tells you. “Do you really think your dad would help?”

“Sure, I mean it would be good to have him there in case you stumble into any electrical mishaps. Plus he has a ton of tools. He could borrow my brother’s truck and meet you out there. And he’s free labor. Well, mostly free, you’d need to buy him a beer or two.”

“What’s his number I’ll call him.”

“You wanna call my dad?”

“Why would I have you call him? So he can ask you a ton of questions and make you angry? No way, I’ll talk to him.”

You give Harry your dad’s number and he dials it on his phone. He picks up after a few rings. Harry puts the phone on speaker.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hi Mr. Y/L/N, it’s Harry…”

“Oh! Um, hi. Is everything okay with Y/N?” You two smile at each other.

“Yeah, she’s fine, I asked her for your number actually.”

“Oh boy…you’re not calling for the reason I think you are?” Harry’s face goes beat red.

“Uh, no, no, no, not yet anyways.” He laughs nervously. “She actually told me to call you because I’m officially renting my own studio space and I’m going to be doing some renovations to it. Y/N said you could be a great help.”

“Oh! Well, that’s a much better reason to call.” You roll your eyes and Harry swats an arm at you. “What do you need help with?”

“Well, a lot actually.” Harry takes the phone off speaker and walks away so he can explain everything to your dad.

About an hour or so later Harry comes back to you and plops down on the couch. He takes a deep breath and looks at you.

“Your dad is a chatty guy.” He laughs.

“Yeah, no shit. Did he really think you were calling to ask if you could marry me?”

“Yes, and he talked my ear off about how even though he knows we love each other, we just need to slow down a bit and that it’s too soon for all that.”

“I’m sorry.” You can’t help but laugh.

“S’alright. Don’t really need his permission though do I.” It wasn’t a question.

“Nope.” You smile. “So what did he say about helping?”

“Oh, he’s all for it. Said it would give him somethin’ to do. He said your brother could probably help too. He said once I get all the right permits he’d be able to jump in wherever.”

“That’s great!”

“God, I can’t wait to give my two weeks to Chris on Monday. Been there for four years, feels way longer.”

“I’m so proud of you Harry, this is going to be great.”

//

Monday morning Harry walked into Christin’s office and handed her his two weeks notice.

“What’s this?” She asks looking up at him.

“I’m leavin’ Plant Geo. I’m goin’ to invest more into my own work. No hard feelings, I just can’t do this anymore. The work doesn’t make me happy like it used to.”

“There’s nothing I can do to convince you to stay? You’re the best photographer we’ve got.”

“I’m sorry, Chris. It’s just not what I want anymore. I wanna be my own boss.”

“I understand.”

“I’d like to keep this quiet, I don’t want anyone makin’ a fuss.” She nods and he walks out of her office to go to his own.

//

Harry made a ton of phone calls all week to get the ball rolling on the permits he’d need to start making renovations to the studio. He also worked on the contracts he’d need to give Mariah and Isaac. He asked Rachel if she’d be able to help paint once it was all ready for that. Harry felt lucky to have so many friends that were willing to support him.

Every night you and Harry sat at the dining room table getting his website together. He loved watching you work. He was beyond grateful for you. You’d make sure everything looked the way he wanted. You both worked really well together.

“As you’re renovating we should post on Instagram to show everyone updates. You’ll need to give me the login to your professional insta.”

“Should we just make a brand new one for the LLC?”

“No, we can just update yours. Then we can post an announcement to Facebook, and let everyone know about the site. I can set it up so they book with you on the site too. Isaac would have the final approval on the reservation of course, that way you wouldn’t get overworked.”

“I’ve told a few people and they said they were really excited. A lot of people have more time during the week to get their pictures taken than I thought. Plus I can still freelance for other magazines if I want.”

“Did Christin tell you that?”

“Yeah, we spoke and she said if I ever needed the work she’d give it to me.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, I appreciated it.”

//

A couple of weeks later, your dad started helping Harry with the renovations. Your dad was actually impressed that Harry had a lot of the proper things he needed like masks and goggles. Harry made sure to take before and after pictures for you to post updates on social media. One night he came home in a pair of jeans, workboots, and a longsleeve shirt. It was starting to get warmer out, but the longsleeve helped keep dust and other scraps off his skin.

“I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this, but I’m actually havin’ fun with your dad. He’s helpin’ me get the kitchen together this week.”

“That’s great.” You bite your bottom lip while he runs a hand through his hair.

“What?”

“Nothing…you just look…hot. Where’s your tool belt?”

“Left it in my trunk.” He smirks. He comes over to you and rests his hands on your hips. “Why?”

“Be nice if you brought it home some night.”

“You should come by one of the mornings your dad isn’t there.”

“I’m not fucking you in your studio.”

“C’mon, why not? Now that would be hot.”

“Harry.” You suck your teeth and pull his hands off you. He pulls you back closer to him.

“Okay, okay.” He presses his forehead to yours. “I have a wedding to shoot this weekend.”

“I know.”

“So we won’t have much time together again, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m gonna spend some time with Rachel.”

“Oh good.” He kisses your nose. “I needa shower, I must smell like a goat.”

“A very sexy goat.”

//

Rachel comes over Saturday while is off taking wedding photos. You’re enjoying catching up with her. She tells you how excited she is to help paint at the studio, and how excited Mariah is to work with Harry.

“I’m really glad she’s my girlfriend, she’s awesome.”

“I’m so happy for you! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy.” You take a sip your tea. “Can I ask you something kind of personal?”

“Always.”

“Well…you know about the things Sarah and I bought for the boys?”

“Oh yeah, she filled me in on all that.”

“Okay cool, so it’s been a while since Harry and I dove back into all that. He’s just been so busy with everything, I’ve sort of felt bad asking you know?”

“Sure.”

“So like…how do straps work?”

“Oh my god, you wanna peg him?”

“You have no idea how badly I wanna get into that ass.” You both laugh.

“Yes, oh my god, okay, well, I’ve never used one in someone’s butt before, but using the strap in general just makes it easier to like hold onto the person. It’s not like using a dildo where you have to keep your hand gripped on it.”

“But how do you know what you’re doing?”

“You just feel around, talk to your partner make sure they like what you’re doing. Does he know you wanna fuck him like that?”

“Yeah.”

“And he’s cool with it?”

“He didn’t seem not cool with it. You should have seen how amazing he looked when I used the plug on him, Jesus, he was beautiful.”

“I never expected you to be into something like this, I love this for you.”

“I didn’t expect it either. I just don’t know how to bring it up. He hasn’t had a free second.”

“Have you had sex otherwise?”

“Oh sure. We always make time for it. We just haven’t had time for the things that take a little longer.”

“Do you think he’ll want to do it to you?”

“He’s not really a give to get kind of person. I don’t want it for myself and he knows that.”

“Oh that’s nice. Yeah, I don’t really like the strap used on me, I don’t need the dick.” You both laugh.

“So sex with Mariah is good then?”

“So good. I’ve never really connected with someone the way I’ve connected with her.”

“That’s great Rach.”

“Please don’t keep me in the dark about if/when you actually peg Harry. I’m gonna need all the details.” You both start laughing just as he’s walking in.

“Oi, what’s so funny.” He smirks at them, loosening his tie.

“Hi!” You say blushing. “Did you just walk in?”

“Mhm. Hi Rach.”

“Hey Harry.” She smiles at him then at you. “Well, I’ll get going, I have some projects I need to grade actually. God, summer cannot come fast enough.”

“I hear that.” You stand up to walk her out. “Thanks for coming over today.”

“Course! It was fun to catch up. Bye!” You turn back to look at Harry.

“She didn’t need to leave.”

“Oh she’s been here for hours it’s fine. You’re home earlier than I thought.”

“It was an early morning wedding, and they didn’t need me for the reception, just family shots, so I got outta there as soon as I could.” He slips hit suit jacket off and walks down the hall to your bedroom. You follow him. “What was so funny when I walked in?”

“Hm? Oh, I can’t even remember. Sometimes we just get into these laughing fits.” You sit on the bed and watch him undress. He hangs up his suit and looks at you. “You know Aunt Flow left yesterday.”

“Did she now?”

“Mhm.”

“Is that your way of tellin��� me you wanna bone?” You giggle and bite your bottom lip.

“Maybe.”

“Well, we gotta make it quick. I need to go to the studio and get some things done.” He stands between your legs and you can’t help but pout. “Whatsa matter, angel?”

“We’ve been making it quick a lot lately.” You say looking up at him. You put your hands on his hips.

“Aw, you want us to take our time baby?”

“Yes.”

“How about a quick shag now, and then tonight when I get back we can take our time, hm? We’ll do whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?”

“Sure.” He smiles. “Now take your pants off.” You grin and stand up to take your leggings off.

Harry fingered you until you came and then fucked you into the mattress before he left for the studio. You got caught up on some homework while he was gone and made dinner. He got home around seven, exhausted.

“Please take a day off from it tomorrow.”

“I will, I will. I just wanted to get some things done. Your dad is comin’ back to help Monday so I brought some lumbar over and some other things we’d need.”

You both eat quickly. He goes over to sit on the couch, but you put your hands on your hips and make a grunting noise.

“What?” He looks at you just as he was about to turn the TV on. You point to the bedroom. “Babe, I just need-“

“No, you said when you got home we could do whatever I wanted. Now get that ass up and into our bedroom.”

He couldn’t say no to that, so he stands walks with you into the bedroom. He sees that you’ve pulled out the special box and stops short.

“You…you wanna do this tonight?”

“Neither of us have anywhere to be tomorrow, and we haven’t done it since the first time.” You bite your inner cheek. “If you don’t want to we don’t have to.”

“S’not that I don’t want to…what’s the end goal here?”

“I want to be able to fuck you in the ass.” You say bluntly and he nods. “Are you okay with that?”

“I think I could be.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and you stand between his legs. He looks up at you. “I’ve been reading into it a little.”

“You have?”

“Yeah, can’t say I’m not curious…but there’s gonna have to be things that you’ll have to do. I mean you’re legitimately going to need to finger me to stretch me out and stuff. Are you comfortable with that?”

“Maybe if you shower first.” You giggle.

“Alright, let me go shower.” He stands up and starts taking his clothes off. “I want you naked on this bed ready f’me when I get out. I’m still a little hungry, and I really only want one thing.”

You do as he says and excitedly get on the bed and wait for him while he showers. Harry makes sure he’s all clean and comes out to you. He gets on the bed and hovers over you. He kisses your lips and then makes his way down your chest. He takes your nipple between his teeth before sucking on your breast.

“Ah.” Your head rolls back while he sucks on one and kneads the other.

He makes his way to suck on the other, wanting to give equal attention. He kisses down your chest and belly. He kisses one of your hips and sucks on the skin harshly letting it go with a pop. He spreads your legs apart and dives in. He licks a flat tripe up from your center to your clit. He laps at your folds and sucks where he pleases. His tongue goes up inside you while his thumb works your clit. He was really taking his time, only make small, slow circles. Your chest was rising and falling rapids. When he wraps his mouth around your clit, your hands fly to his hair. His middle and forefinger plunge inside you, going in knuckle deep.

“Shit.” He looks up at you while your eyes are rolled back.

He took a great deal of satisfaction knowing that even though in a few minutes you’d totally be in charge, but no matter what he’d always be the one in control. If he really wanted to he could fuck you so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk for a week, let alone stand.

He curls his fingers up inside you while the tip of his tongue flicks back and forth against your swollen nub. You tug at his hair harder. He feels you start to clench around his fingers as he hits that spongy spot you love so much.

“Harry.” You moan. You moan his name over over until you’re coming. He takes his fingers out of you and slips his tongue back inside to suck on you. He wanted all you’d give him. “Fuck.” You were out of breath.

He sits up between your legs and wipes chin with the back of his hand.

“Go get the towel and the lube.” He says to you.

You practically squeal while you grab everything. You lay the towel down for him and he sits on top of it.

“Are you sure it won’t be easier on your stomach?”

“No, I want to be able to look at you while you do it. I’ll just hold my legs up like last time.”

“Okay. I’m just gonna blow you for a few minutes first.”

“Sounds good to me.”

You smile and lick up his shaft. You wrap your lips around his tip and slide down. His hips buck up slightly. He felt like he could explode at any second. Going down on you really got him going. Your tongue slides back forth on his slit, lapping up at his precome.

“Shit.” He groans. One of your hands cradles his balls and massages them lightly. “So good, babe.”

You come off him with a popping sound. You grab the lube and put some on your fingers. You warm it up as best you can. You look at him.

“All clean right?”

“Mhm, I sprayed the water right up in there.” You both giggle.

“Okay.”

You lean up and press your forehead against his while he hooks his arms under his knees to give you better access. Your finger tip lightly grazes around him. You start laughing and so does he.

“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous.” You look at him.

“I am too, it’s okay. We can laugh through it, we don’t need to be so serious. S’kinda funny anyways.”

“Yeah, like, my bare finger is gonna go into your ass.”

“Yup.” You both laugh again. “Hold on, before you push in, just like squirt some of th lube directly on me.”

“Won’t that be too cold?”

“It’s fine, I’ll adjust.”

You grab the bottle and put it directly on him. He clenches at how cool it is but he relaxes again. You kiss him as you lightly play with his hole, getting him to relax more and more. Eventually you start to push your middle finger inside of him. He winces at first.

“Nail’s a little long.”

“Shit, I should have clipped them.”

“S’okay, just be careful.”

You continue to kiss him and you feel him relax around you as your finger goes in deeper. There was so much trust between the two of you and you were so happy. You get it all the way in and you pause.

“What should I do now? Curl it up? Move it?”

“Bring it out all the way slowly, put more lube on, and then put it back in.”

You nod and do just that. Eventually you’re able to get a second finger in, and he seems to be enjoying it by the way his cock twitches.

“Doing okay, Harry?”

“Mhm.” Beads of sweat were rolling down his forehead. “Doesn’t feel too bad actually. DO you wanna get the plug now, think I’m stretched out enough.”

“Yeah!” You pull your fingers out of him. “I’m just gonna go wash my hands, one second.” You race into the bathroom and scrub your fingers quickly. You return with the plug in your hand. You get it lubed up and start to push it inside him.

He gasps but relaxes. You had done a pretty good job of stretching him out. Once you get it all the way in, you focus your attention on his cock. You wrap your mouth around his dripping tip and suckle on it.

“Did you…did you wanna try…” He was panting. You look up at him and you can’t help but smile at the beautiful blush covering his cheeks.

“What is it, Harry? Tell me what you want.” You coo as you pump his dick.

“The, uh, you know…the dildo.”

“Babe, it doesn’t have a base.”

“So tie somethin’ around the end of it.”

“Is that safe?”

“I just…I need somethin’ to go deeper.” Your mouth falls open and then you bite your bottom lip.

“Okay, don’t be mad, but I did buy something else.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know, we haven’t done this in a while and I didn’t want you to get freaked out.”

You get off the bed and go into the back of your closet. You grab a bag and your hands shake as you take the item in it out.

“Oh.”

“I…I’m a little nervous to put it on. Is this going to be weird for you?”

“I think we’ve crossed the point of weird, don’t you?” He chuckles.

“But it’s going to be me…with a penis.”

“Not really. Let’s just remember to laugh, okay?”

“Okay.”

You slip it on over yourself and you look at him.

“Straps around your ass look nice.”

“Stop” You laugh. “Should I put a condom on it?”

“Um, I think just the lube should be fine.”

“Okay.”

You take a deep breath and get on the bed. You carefully pull the plug out of him.

“You’re about this, we don’t have to do this, Harry.”

“No, I want to.”

“Not just because I want to?”

“Y/N…” He cups your cheek with his hand. “If you’re too nervous, we don’t have to go this far tonight. I’m honestly okay.”

“Alright.”

You take the lube and squirt it into your hand. You rub it all over the dildo attached to the strap.

“Ready?”

“Mhm.” He keeps his legs held back for you as you slowly slip inside him. He lets out a deep breath and relaxes as much as he can.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“How does it…how does it feel?”

“Lotta pressure.” He says through gritted teeth. He looks up at you and smirks.

“What?” You start chuckling.

“You just look…sexy, I don’t know how to describe it.”

“It is pretty hot isn’t it?”

“Little bit, yeah.” He relaxes more and you’re able to fit the whole thing inside him. “Holy shit.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, opposite of hurt.”

“Oh! Maybe I hit your prostate.”

“Look at that, you’re a natural.” You both laugh.

You starts to pull out a little and you get some more lube on the dildo to add to his comfort. You thrust back in slowly and he lets out another breath. Eventually it actually starts to feel really good for him. You pump his cock while you go in and out of him. Keeping your eyes on his face the whole time to make sure he’s alright.

“You’re doing so well, Harry. How’s it feel, am I making you feel good?” The tip of the dildo keeps brushing against just where he needs it to, and your hand wrapped around hip, thumb working his tip, was pushing him over the edge.”

“I think I’m gonna come.” He gasps. “Oh my goooodd, please let me come on your tits.”

His moans were really getting to you. You angle his dick towards his chest, and with a couple final pumps and thrusts he was coming all over you.

“Fuck, Y/N.” He groans.

You both take a second to catch your breaths. You slowly slide out of him and take the strap off. His legs fall onto the bed. A lot of the lube comes out of him, but you try not to look. You straddle his hips and hover over him. You hug him close to you, neither of you really caring about how messy everything is.

“Are you okay? You did so good, sooo good Harry.” You give him gentle kisses on lips and cheeks. “Thank you, thank you, we don’t ever have to do it again if you didn’t like it.”

“Babe.” He says breathlessly. “I’m good.” He cups your cheeks in his hands and brings you down to kiss him. “We can do it again.”

“Really? It felt that good?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard.” You smile at him. “And you looked…I mean…it was hot.” You kiss him again. “Not an all the time thing though…maybe for like…special occasions?”

“Sure! How ‘bout if you’re in the mood for it, you tell me.”

“That sounds like a good deal.”

“How are your legs, you had them up for a while?”

“They’re fine, just tired. I feel like I have a whole new respect for what I put your body through all the time.” You giggle and kiss him.

“Would you like me to draw us a bath? Get all clean and cozy?”

“Yeah, I think that would be nice.”

“Okay.”

You climb off him and he watches you go into the bathroom. His asshole was on fire, but he couldn’t muster the energy to care. He was exhausted. You throw a bath bomb into the water and the room fills with the smell of cinnamon and apples.

“Baby? Tub’s all filled.”

“Okay.” He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and you help him up.

“I’ll clean the bed up when we’re done.”

“Alright.”

He lets you get into the water first so he can sit in front of you. He leans his head back against your shoulder and closes his eyes. He just needed some time to come back. You massaged his scalp and peppered light kisses to his temple.

“Y/N?”

“Yes, baby?” You coo.

“Do you think you’ll ever want to try it?” He tilts his head to look at you. “M’just curious.”

“I…don’t know. Maybe. I could try the plug some time I suppose.”

“Only if you want.”

“We’ll see.” You smile and he nestles back down. “So…did it hurt at all?”

“Um, it’s not that it hurt, it was mostly like discomfort for a little bit. But then it sort of just started to feel good, I can’t explain it. You were really careful with me, I appreciate it.” He takes of your hands and kisses the back of it.

“I love you, Harry.”

“I love you too.” He sighs happily.

“Wanna watch a movie tonight? We could get cozy on the sofa in our robes, and I could do your nails for you, and I could pop some popcorn.”

“I will never say no to you offering to do my nails, that all sounds great.”

Harry gets into his robe and meets you to the sofa after you’ve cleaned the bedroom. You come over with some popcorn and a couple of beers. You let him pick through your polish colors, and you let him pick the movie. Believe it or not he really wanted to watch To All The Boys I Loved Before.

“Read the book when I was younger.”

“Don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

You take his old polish off and file his nails. You end up painting them a nice pastel blue and purple.

“How’s it look?”

“Perfect, thank you.” You lean in to kiss him.

“You’re more than welcome.”

“Now, come lay with me so I can spoon you. Time to may some attention to the other bum in this house.”

You giggle and lay down with him, one of his legs slipping between you. He holds onto you and you both enjoy the movie. When you think about what had happened only an hour or so prior, you feel like anyone on the outside looking in would think it was weird. Or that maybe Harry wasn’t as into women as he led on. But you knew none of that was the case. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought because it wasn’t weird for either of you. And if there was one thing Harry loved, it was a vagina. It wasn’t really about him needing or wanting something up his butt. It was about the two of you exploring something together, and seeing where the journey took you.

You roll onto your back and he looks down at you with an eyebrow raised.

“I love you.” You say.

“I love you too.” He says back, and gives you a tender kiss.

Even though he had just been freshly fucked, and he honestly still looked like it, he had caught a second wind. Before you knew it the two of you were giggling with your legs over his shoulders while he fucked you on the sofa. Yup, he still had complete control.

[tsukikento]

Too Fast For Your Own Good Part 3 (Finale)

Pairing: Takami Keigo (Hawks x Reader)

Words: 5656

Summary: Soulmate!AU - the first words your soulmate says to you is written on your body in ink.

Genre/Warnings: Some slight swear word usage. A little bit of kissing. Fluff and angst.

This part has some slight manga spoilers. Although I write it very vaguely, I still wanted to warn you guys! It happens basically right after where the anime ends, but I want you to know just in case. Please lmk if you have any questions about it, I would be really happy to answer your questions!

A/N: It is finally over! Only 3 parts, but I spent a lot of time on it so I really hope you guys like it, please let me know! Also, I forgot to tag people in part 2 and decided to just wait till I posted this one. Please select part 1 or 2 based on what you missed. So sorry!!

(part 1) (part 2)

Your trek to the local Korean restaurant was rather eventful. Not only did Keigo lead the conversation by talking about himself, which helped in calming your nerves, but you were both stopped repeatedly for photos. Although Hawks was much more famous than you, you were still asked to join the photos more often than not which was rather endearing in the grand scheme of things.

When you arrived at the restaurant, you were immediately ushered to a table and given water and tea. You politely thanked the waitress who told you she would be back with the complimentary appetizers. You bowed slightly while Hawks casually leaned back in his chair and stretched his wings.

She seemed to be an older lady and probably the owner of the restaurant, making politeness seem more necessary than usual to you.

Luckily, the two of you were sitting in a private area, something Hawks requested when you first entered the restaurant. His want for privacy made your heart thump in an unfamiliar way. On top of that, the area was dimly lit with almost ethereal lights that shined on Takami’s skin in a perfect way.

Your obvious looks to the hero did not go unnoticed and Hawks eventually decided to speak up. “You know, in Korean culture, the younger person should pour the elder the drink,” Keigo smirked while glossing over the menu.

“And what makes you think I’m younger?” You snapped back, your own cheeky smile glossing over your lips while you also busied yourself with reading over the menu to try and look as carefree as your soulmate seemed.

Hawks’ unrestrained laughter caught your attention and you looked back to him. “I know you are younger,” He explained, “It’s not like our birthdays are hidden from the world.”

“Oh?” You perked. You reached forward to grab the kettle of tea, giving Hawks a cue to hold up his small glass. You poured the hot, steeped tea while he presented his cup to you delicately. “So you did research on me?” You questioned once done pouring his glass.

“Why wouldn’t I look up the cute hero I had plans to meet today?” Keigo countered before blowing on the steaming tea and taking a sip.

A faint blush found its way onto your cheeks which Hawks immediately noticed. Before you had a chance to quip back, the waitress made her way to the table with a platter of small appetizers. You recognized a few of them immediately and suddenly became much more aware of your growling stomach. The japchae, kimchi, and seaweed salad stared back at you and you immediately opened your metal chopsticks.

“Thank you,” You commented while looking up to the waitress.

“Of course,” She replied, nodding slightly as a bow. “Are you ready to order?”

You looked at Hawks with a questioning face and nodded slightly to tell him you were ready. He smiled and looked to the waitress, “Yes, we are. Can I please have the chicken hot stone bowl?”

The lady nodded, wrote down his order, and looked at you. “And can I please have the veggie dumpling ramen with medium spice?” You added.

“Of course,” The waitress spoke while grabbing up your menus. “It will be right out.”

“So,” Hawks began once you were once again left alone, “Tell me more about you than can’t be found on a website.”

When you looked to meet Hawks’ eyes you saw a rather fond glint in them. They seemed soft which was difficult to do considering the sharp, black designs that outlined his goldeneyes. If you weren’t mistaken, it seemed the bird boy was genuinely interested in learning about someone else, a feat that not many people could say they’ve conquered. Takami was known for being closed-off in his social life, enjoying the company of few, but being charming enough to attract the company of all.

“Well, there’s not much to tell.” You took a small sip of the glass of water. “I always wanted to be a hero. I mean, who doesn’t when they’re younger, but with a quirk like mine it seemed rude not to become a hero,” You recounted, remembering all the people who told you your time stopping quirk could stop villainy altogether. “So, I went to U.A.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“So, you felt pressured to be a hero?” Hawks inquired.

“I guess?” You replied, “I don’t think about it very much.”

“Well, what about your quirk?” Hawks asked, a small smile graced his lips. “It must have been crazy to lie about your quirk for so long.”

You sighed and ran your hand through your hair. “Yeah, it was. I don’t know why I lied about it for so long.” You looked down at your lap. “In all honesty, it felt like I dug myself into a hole. I kept trying to just forget about it, but every time I went on a mission, I had to be careful to make it seem like I was teleporting.”

While you spoke, Hawks nodded periodically. It seemed like he really was paying attention which was something you really appreciated.

You looked down and bit your lip, it was hard to talk about how miserable you were sometimes. Especially with someone you just met. Even if he is your soulmate, it goes against natural human instincts to share so much of yourself right away.

Hawks noticed your reluctance to share and quickly changed the topic to something else. “What do you do in your free time?” He asked, leading the question in a more positive direction.

“Oh, this and that,” You laughed while pushing your hair away from your face. “Training, reading, hanging out with friends, and relaxing would probably summarize my free time the most. What about you?” You questioned before picking up your tea and taking a sip.

“Ah,” Hawks sighed. He followed you in taking a sip of your tea. “I don’t have much free time.”

Fuck.

You felt like such an idiot for asking. Obviously he doesn’t have free time! He’s the number two hero, he owns his own agency. Even right now, he is probably worried about how he looks and is coming across. No matter how private this area looks, you were sure there were paparazzi lurking around every corner and fangirls just begging for him to slip up and lose his rank in approval.

“Sorry,” You mumbled before grabbing your water and taking a few big gulps to avoid meeting his eyes.

“Don’t be,” Hawks nonchalantly consoled, a sympathetic smile spreading on his face. “I want the world to one day be so free from villainy that everyone, even heroes, are relaxed. I want to just kick back, you know? It’s gonna take hard work to get there and I plan to get there within my lifetime.”

A shy grin spread across your face. You looked at your lap to hide the blush you were currently nursing. It seemed Hawks was a very brave and passionate hero, something that could be considered very admirable and attractive.

Handsome, funny, and a kindhearted personality that made his wings seem like angel wings. This wasn’t like the Hawks you had read about. The confident, almost arrogant, man was covering many tabloids. It seemed everyone was trying to find out if the winged hero was really all that great and strong.

“You don’t have to hide your blush,” Hawks insisted, causing you to look up just in time to see the waitress carrying both your dishes.

You had gotten so caught up in the conversation that you barely ate any of the appetizers so far. You resisted pouting and reaching for the seaweed salad that was almost gone and instead smiled as the waitress placed your ramen in front of you.

Once she left, you snatched up the seaweed salad before Hawks could eat all of it. The blond laughed at your childish action and raised his hands up in surrender.

“Sorry,” You mumbled before using your chopsticks to grab some salad and stuffing your face full.

Hawks’ glorious laugh once again rang through the private area, making you feel much better. “I’m just glad my soulmate loves food as much as me.” He reasoned while picking at his bowl as if to find the perfect bite.

“Yeah,” You grinned, looking into Keigo’s eyes. “Isn’t it crazy?”

“That we both love food?” Takami joked. His smile made his cheeks look like apples and his eyes like crescent moons.

“No, you idiot,” You scolded. If he was close enough, you would have definitely slapped Hawks on his arm.

The winged hero laughed in reply once more. “It is,” He confirmed, “But it’s totally worth it. The craziness now should be worth it in the end.” Hawks sighed loudly and leaned back in his chair. “And trust me, life is crazy.” He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes.

For the first time, you noticed just how tired Hawks was. His wings were just a tad bit lower than when you were standing together on a stage in front of an audience. With these dim lights and close proximity, you were finally able to see the sunspots on his skin and purple bags under his eyes.

It made you all the more aware that your soulmate was busy and tired. It made you nervous that you might just be another chore for the winged hero. Just another person he has to take care of.

You gulped down the lump in your throat and nodded. “Yeah,” You vaguely replied before turning your attention to your ramen. You picked at the noodles while you continued to debate your relationship with Hawks.

“Hey,” You heard Takami’s soft voice speak up. Your nondominant hand, which had been placed on the table, was suddenly being held by the calloused hands of Hawks. You looked up to the golden boy to see his eyes filled with worry, his eyebrows furrowed, and a frown on his lips. “What’s wrong?” He inquired.

His warm hand encased yours and his thumb rubbed back and forth across the back of your hand.

“I’m okay,” You mumbled, “Nothing’s wrong.” You shook your head and looked back down.

“No,” Hawks countered, holding onto your hand tighter. “I can tell something is wrong. Please tell me, Y/L/N-kun.”

Hearing your name on his lips was something to behold. No Telethon. You aren’t a hero having dinner with another hero. You are having dinner with your soulmate. If you started your relationship based on lies, it would constantly be lies.

“I,” You stumbled, “I’m worried about you. Or more so our relationship.” You motioned in between the two of you and looked up at Hawks to see just how attentively he was watching and listening to you. “You are a busy man and I don’t want to burden you,” You clarified.

A few beats of silence and then the sound of Hawks once again sighing. His free hand came up to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose.

During those seconds, you worried that he was going to tell you that in fact, you were a burden. You weren’t strong enough to protect yourself. You weren’t famous enough to stand next to him. You lied about your quirk and would bring down his approval rating.

“You aren’t going to burden me,” He ensured. His free hand moved to hold your other hand which was now resting on the table. Luckily, the table was small enough so neither of you were awkwardly leaning over your dishes. “You are my soulmate,” He continued, “And that doesn’t mean we are simply stuck together. It means that we are destined to make each other better people. You will never burden me.”

A small smile found its way onto your lips. “Thank you,” You whispered.

Hawks face mirrored yours. Tired eyes and smiles.

“Listen,” Hawks finally spoke up. “I could sit here all day admiring how beautiful you are, but I am so hungry and this chicken smells so good.”

Without realizing, you began laughing at his joke and leaned back, letting go of his hands. “Yes,” You insisted, “Let’s eat. Let’s stop worrying.”

“Agreed,” Hawks murmured before digging into his food.

By now, your ramen had enough time to cool down and you were able to scarf it down fast. For the rest of your dinner, you and Hawks casually chatted while digging into your food.

Eventually, the bill came and Hawks immediately put down his credit card.

By the time you left, you were in a much better mood. You were simply enjoying the company of Takami.

“Ooh,” Hawks gushed. He grabbed your hand and pulled you across the parking lot of the complex you were in. “Ice cream!”

You laughed at the childish antics of your date. And followed him as he practically glided towards the small ice cream store. It was a fairly cold night and definitely not one for ice cream considering the rain from this morning.

Regardless, Hawks was still determined to eat the delicious creamy treat.

A bell rang when you walked through the door. You were greeted by two shocked faces of teenagers. After the workers and few guests inside calmed down, you and Hawks were able to order each of your respective cones of ice cream.

This time, you insisted on paying.

The two of your left shoulder to shoulder, each of you licking at your ice cream cones.

“Where do you live?” Hawks mindlessly mumbled. “Is it far from here?”

“Oh, not too far,” You replied. “Maybe a twenty-five-minute walk from here?”

You were currently sitting at a small table outside of the creamery, debating what to do next.

“I could fly you home,” Keigo suggested. “I’d probably get there in 10.”

“Aw,” You joked, “And lose 15 minutes with you?” You nudged him with your shoulder and caused the winged hero to chuckle.

“Nah,” He replied, “We would just spend that 15 minutes doing something else.” He winked, causing you to blush and choke on the ice cream in your mouth.

Keigo laughed even harder and you shoved him harshly with your empty hand. “Jeez, you are too confident, Takami-kun.”

“Ahh,” The blond sighed, “My name sounds so good coming from you.” A lazy yet confident smile found its way onto his face and he slowly licked his lips, causing you to become aware of the cool wind blowing past your hot skin.

You took another bite out of your ice cream to cool you down, suddenly way too nervous to even think about kissing the hero in front of you.

“Nervous?” Takami asked, leaning forward to force you to look at him in the eyes.

“Maybe,” You mumbled, keeping your attention on your ice cream.

Hawks practically cackled at your response. Once his laughter died down, he looked at your blushing face and confidently asked, “How can you be so cute?”

You bit your lip and took a few breaths before looking at Takami. You scrunched up your face and pointed your finger at him, “Listen here, you better stop saying stuff like that or else.”

“Or else what?” Hawks challenged. A coy smile fell upon his lips and there was a glint in his eyes just begging you to do something.

“Or else I’ll have no choice, but to actually kiss you. In front of all these people.” You smirked at the blond and motioned to the busy complex. “Our relationship will get released in the papers before your managers have any time to prepare. They will hate you,” You hissed, hoping the threat would work.

“Like I care,” Hawks shrugged.

“Then kiss me,” You demanded, deciding to stand your ground instead of faltering back because of his confidence.

You watched the smirk on Keigo’s face disappear. His mouth formed an ‘O’ shape and his blown eyes stared at you nervously. “I can’t,” He mumbled in defeat.

You laughed at his actions and cheered in excitement. “I knew it!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” He mumbled before digging into the cone part of his ice cream cone.

You laughed lightly before leaning towards Takami to whisper in his ear, “We’ll just kiss back at my apartment,” You tittered.

The comment grabbed Hawks’ attention, who smiled happily and lightly flapped his wings. It was just enough to make the area windy and get him about a foot off his feet before he stopped and plopped back down into the seat.

You laughed at your soulmate before finishing off your ice cream cone. You crumpled up the small wrapper and grabbed Keigo’s which he left on the table and tossed them. “Shall we go?” You asked, holding out your hand for him to take.

“Of course,” He replied, allowing you to help him up.

You two strolled through the streets to your apartment. Keigo offered multiple times to fly, but you insisted on walking. “I like seeing all the citizens I protect,” You reasoned, shrugging your shoulders and looking at Keigo.

The blond smiled and wrapped his arm around your waist.

You invited him up to your apartment and grabbed each of you a glass of water while Hawks curiously wandered around the apartment, looking at all of your belongings.

You spent most of the night chatting until the blond couldn’t help it anymore and kissed you. His soft lips graced your cheek and ear. His hot breath asked if he could kiss you.

With a meek nod, Hawks’ lips were all over you.

A shock ran through your body when his lips first attached to yours. You were sure it was something only soulmates felt when they kissed because you really had never felt this way before.

After what seemed like only seconds, or maybe minutes or hours. You really had no clue. Anyways, after some amount of time, Hawks pulled away and looked at his phone. “I’m so sorry, I have to go.”

You saw the clock read midnight and you really couldn’t blame him although you craved for him to spend the night.

“That’s okay,” You sighed, trying to regain your composure. “I’m sure you have a busy day tomorrow.” You bit your lip and gave yourself a push to ask the question that was on the tip of your tongue. “Do you have any idea when we will see each other again?”

Hawks sighed. “Tomorrow. Come at noon to my agency and we’ll get lunch.”

“Really?” You giddily asked, not expecting to see him so quickly.

“I promise.” Hawks pulled his jacket back on, it had been discarded during the heated makeout session, and a little red book fell out.

“What’s this?” You asked as you picked it up and read the label.

Paranormal Liberation Front.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you if you’ve read it,” Hawks spoke while snatching the book from your hands. “These guys have really been growing lately, gaining tons of attention. It may be old, but it still has a lot of power for today’s society. I know it’s long, so just read the highlighted parts.” He opened the book to flash you a random page with yellow highlights all over it. “Destro’s ideals are everything we could have asked for! A society where everyone can look out or themselves, it really fits this era!”

You took the book from Takami’s hands, too distracted to respond.

The speech he just gave you did not seem like him. Although it wasn’t like you knew very much about him anyways. “Yeah,” You sighed while tossing the book onto your coffee table.

You saw Takami out the door and he kissed you on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, love.” He whispered in your ear.

You smiled and waved goodbye to your soulmate. Once your door was closed, you let out a large breath you had been holding in. You stretched out your limbs and began your nighttime routine.

~~

It was currently noon the next day and you walked through the double doors into Hawks’ agency. You, unfortunately, had to go straight to work after your lunch meeting so you were sporting your heroes uniform. It didn’t bother you too much considering you would be with Takami who was always in his hero uniform.

You were currently working a grin as you walked up to the front desk and told the receptionist that you had plans with Hawks.

“Ah yes, Telethon, of course,” The receptionist spoke. “Please have a seat right over there and someone will be right down to grab you.”

Although it sparked you as weird that Hawks wouldn’t just come down to greet you, you waved off the worry and happily sat down. Nothing could ruin today.

You had already called your manager and best friend to tell them the news. It was only a matter of time till you and Takami were official and you wanted your manager and best friend to be ready.

Eventually, a man came down to grab you. He was wearing a casual suit and had an earpiece on.

“Yes sir, I’ll bring up Telethon now,” You heard him whisper into the bluetooth device.

You stood up, well aware they were coming for you. “Hello,” You greeted with a small bow.

The person who came to grab you did not bow and instead simply motioned for you to follow. “Please come with me,” He mumbled.

Although concerned with the mystery surrounding your invitation to the company, you followed. You assumed you would mainly be working with Keigo. You did not expect to have to go through multiple people just to see him.

However, maybe this was just what it was like as the number two hero.

The trip up to the 13th floor was quiet and unbearably long. There was an awkward air around you both and it gave you this weird feeling. As if the person you were with knew something you didn’t.

Once the elevator dinged, you followed him through the halls. Eventually, he opened a door for you and mumbled out, “Please go in.”

You smiled and mumbled a small “Thank you.” Once you entered, you noticed multiple people sitting at an oblong table.

Your eyes flashed around the room to look at every one. First and foremost, you noticed your manager. Next, you noticed the manager who was with Hawks at the competition yesterday. Lastly, you noticed another manager sitting right next to him.

Everyone stood up once they saw you and you heard the click of the door closing behind you.

Immediately, you stopped time, unable to think clearly.

You needed time to think.

The unease in your stomach spread to your throat and your heart began to beat all too fast. You felt your sweat drip from the back of your neck to down your spine. You gulped down the lump in your throat and started time again, knowing that stalling the inevitable was worthless.

Your manager was motioning for you to sit next to them. Silently, you moved to take your seat.

About 10 feet away from you were two incredibly average looking people. They each looked so plain and stern. However, most of all, all you could think about was where is Takami?

You knew something was wrong. Tears swelled in your eyes and you looked down to hide them. You saw a single teardrop onto the shaking hands in your lap. You took in a deep breath and croaked out, “Why am I here?”

“Telethon, we are here because of your forming relationship with Hawks,” The female spoke, her voice rather curt.

The use of hero names irked you to no end. Before they could continue to speak, you looked back up to meet their eyes. “I’m Y/L/N Y/N, he is Takami Keigo and we are soulmates. Don’t belittle that if you are here to end it,” You hissed through seething teeth.

“Please, Y/L/N-san,” Your manager spoke, looking at you with pity in their eyes. “Please listen to them.”

Reluctantly, you looked back to the people across the table. “Go ahead,” You mumbled.

“Tele-Y/L/N-san, Takami-san is on a very important mission right now,” The male manager across the table explained. “We cannot give you explicit details, but it is vital to the safety of Musutafu that he remains undercover and does not date you now.”

“It would not only put his life in danger but also yours. We cannot take that risk,” The woman added.

There was a ringing in your ears that wouldn’t go away. In order to help you think clearly, you stopped time.

You felt so helpless. Like the world was coming crashing down on you. Through last night and today, all you thought about was how happy you now were. How happy Takami made you feel.

Without thinking clearly, you exited the room. Although your lungs were already beginning to burn, you pushed through and searched the hallway.

You had to find him.

You had to find Keigo.

Nobody could see you wandering around. You had a sinking suspicion that everyone at this agency knew your secret and you were determined to find him without the help of anyone else.

Knowing Hawks, although you only met him yesterday, he was probably on the top floor. Of course he would want to be high in the sky when he launched himself with his wings. You couldn’t use the elevator with time frozen so you ran up the stairs as fast as you could. If you weren’t right about him being on the top floor, you would have no time, no breath left, to keep searching.

Once you climbed up the 7 additional floors, you paced through the hall in an attempt to find Takami. There were no labels on the doors, so you had to open each and every single one to see if you could find him.

Eventually, finally, you opened a door to see Keigo nervously sitting on his sofa. He was sitting perfectly still and his bright wings were gray because of your quirk. Despite the stillness of his wings, you could see they had been nervously flapping like one would do with their legs when nervous.

You started time, took a deep breath in, and practically leaped at Hawks.

“Takami-kun,” You cried, falling to your knees and grabbing his hands.

Although shocked, Hawks still caught you to the best of his abilities. His wings no longer flapped because he was too shocked by your appearance. He did not expect you to run from the meeting, but here you were, right in front of him.

“Y/L/N-kun,” He whispered. You looked at him and he caressed your cheek and swept his finger across it to wipe away a tear that had fallen from your eyes. “Why are you here?”

“I had to see you,” You reasoned. “I need to hear you say it yourself.”

Takami’s phone rang.

You held him close, worried he would answer it, and direct you back to the meeting.

“Just tell me, please,” You begged.

“Sweetheart,” He mumbled, the endearing words falling from his lips. He never expected to see you like this. Yes, it was hard on him, but he had been trained since his childhood to dissociate. You were never trained to forget people easily, let alone your soulmate. “I know this hurts.” He pulled you up onto his lap and held you tightly. “I don’t want to put you in danger.”

“Please just tell me,” You pleaded. “Tell me what you can tell me and then I’ll go.”

Takami sighed, “Fine.” He ran his hand through his hair and took off his goggles.

You could tell he was worried, not irritated. He didn’t want to put you in harm's way. Before you could stop yourself, you kissed his cheek to try and calm his nerves, something that sent heat up his neck.

“I am working with some bad people,” He explained. “If I date you, then you’ll be a target. I can’t let that happen and I can’t say anything more. Please just read the book I gave you.” His golden eyes bore into yours. “Remember, read the highlights.”

You nodded at him with wide eyes, finally being forced to accept your fate.

The blond knew he should send you back now, he was sure people were on their way up to grab you. But he just couldn’t let go when you looked so weak and soft. He craved to continue to hold you and he knew this somehow related to the soulmate bond. He knew this was the last time he could hold you for a while. And so he held on tight. He held you tighter and kissed the top of your head.

He didn’t know how long it was, but eventually, security came up and you two had to part. The last he saw was you exiting the room with your head hung low. The image of you crying played on repeat in his head and made it all the much harder for him to forget you.

On your end, you were ushered back into the conference room and given a glass of water. After you chugged down the cup, you were handed a contract.

“Please take your time to read it over, we constructed it with your manager before this meeting,” The female manager spoke up. “Overall, it details that we cannot have you see Hawks, I mean Takami-san. This contract is to last six months. We are hoping it may be able to be canceled, but it also might have to be extended. As we said, Takami-san is under-”

“I know,” You interrupted and your eyes glossed over the contract. “I understand. I, um, I just had to hear it from Takami-kun,” You reasoned. You knew you must have looked crazy. Your hair was a mess and your eyes were surely red.

You just wanted to get this over with, fix up your appearance, and go to work.

You looked to your manager who nodded and reassuringly touched your hand. “I’m sorry,” He mouthed.

You nodded and finished reading the contract. You grabbed the pen on the table and signed each page. You said you goodbyes and followed your manager out of the building, not paying much attention to anything that was happening.

“Y/L/N-san,” Your manager sighed. “I’m so sorry.”

You meekly nodded as your manager ushered you into a private cab.

“I arranged for someone to cover your shift today,” Your manager debriefed. “I also arranged for Bubble Girl to come over with takeout and anything else she may deem necessary.” Your manager once again grabbed your hand. “I want you to be as happy as you can during a time like this.”

“Thank you,” You whispered. You wished you could show your happiness better, but it was too difficult to right now. As a result, you simply went through the motions of your day.

You got home and were greeted by your best friend, takeout, a punching bag, and face masks. You got out all your stress by punching your feelings out. You then showered and ate food while doing face masks and watching old movies. You smiled through the pain as you wished her a goodnight. You laid on your bed and cried again while looking up Takami on social media.

Eventually, around midnight, you ran out of tears. You sat up in your bed and chugged more water. You felt helpless, empty, like nothing in the world could make you happy.

It wasn’t very common that you felt this depressed, but a soulmate bond could have some major impacts on people. All day, you had been thinking of a story where two people died because they tried to ignore their bond. No matter how strong-willed Takami could be, and no matter how much you cared about keeping him safe, this could take a major toll on your mind and body.

You felt utterly defeated like there was nothing left to do. You couldn’t fight against the contract because it was only in place to protect you and you couldn’t help Hawks in his mission either.

You literally couldn’t do anything.

All you could do was go about your life and wait.

Or maybe…

You immediately stood up with a new mission on your mind. You beelined it out of your room and through your small hallway. You flicked on the living room light and glanced over the area in search of the small red book.

It was still sitting on the coffee table from when you gingerly placed it there the night before. You grabbed it off the table and walked back to your room while flicking through the pages. As of now, you weren’t paying too much attention to the words. You were much too distressed and tired to actually read.

As you reopened the door to your bedroom, you noticed a flash of red outside your window. Your room was too dark to see what it was, but out of pure surprise, you stopped time. Before starting it once again, you realized that the red blur could very well have been the winged hero you had been crying over.

You rushed to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Takami. If you were right that he was watching over you, you would know that Hawks was just as depressed as you were. Although it pained you to know he was sad, it at least proved that he longed for you just like you longed for him.

It proved he cared for you and would continue to look over you regardless.

Your eyes analyzed the sky outside your window. You searched up and down for any sign of your soulmate. Alas, you turned up nothing.

Once again, Hawks was simply too fast for his own good.

~~

Taglist: @hawkso-o @fashinogi @sprinkklz @shirotology

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[palimpsessed]

The Welsh Red Dragon, Kurt Vonnegut, and Social Activism

The inspiration behind Shepard’s pins

(original post with full artwork here.)

So, I spent A LOT of time thinking about the kind of pins our good friend Shepard (from Omaha, NE) would have on his denim jacket. Like a lot. Like an obsessive amount of time. I made a list, which seemed appropriate for this fandom. And because I’m a nerd and this sort of thing really interests me, and I’m proud of what I came up with, and because I think some of these items open up the possibility for some good, good literary analysis, I decided to make a whole post dedicated to Shepard’s pins. You’re welcome.

First, a little bit about my thought process. How did I decide what kind of pins to give Shepard? Well, he’s a guy full of stories. Stories that he can’t wait to tell anyone and everyone. And stories that others (mostly Maybes) have told him, once he’s earned their confidence. So, I wanted his pins to tell a story, his story in particular. What is the story that Shepard wants to tell about himself? More precisely, what is the story he wants to tell his new magickal friends on a disastrous summer holiday? The story is that of his own magickal credibility. His journey to magic (his come to Crowley moment, perhaps?) (I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry…) and his trustworthiness as evidenced by all of the Maybes he’s met along the way. He’s gotten drunk off dandelion wine with a creek dryad, given a toothbrush to a Sasquatch. spilled the tea with a jackalope, midwifed a centaur foal. Shep’s journey is just as impressive as Simon’s, and while Simon has been collecting notches on his dead dark creature bedpost (that’s a weird fucking metaphor…) (and now I’m thinking about dark creatures and Simon’s bedposts…so, you’re welcome, Basilton), Shep’s been collecting notches of the friendly variety. (Shoutout to @adamarks who did some super lovely analysis on Simon and Shep as mirrors here: https://adamarks.tumblr.com/post/188046272067/ok-so-when-shepard-said-he-was-cursed-the-first). So, I decided that I wanted to use Shep’s pins as a way to show the notches on his bedpost, so to speak. (Okay, I’m really losing this metaphor, but I think you’re still with me.)

Let’s dive in!

(I’m working my way down one side of his jacket at a time, for those following along at home.)

RIGHT SIDE

Welsh Dragon: I made this one very large, and easy to spot on his right shoulder. Of all of his accoutrements, this one felt like the most important. Mainly, because of Simon. Simon is, after all, half-Welsh. (The Mage, may he rest in pain, came to Watford from Wales.) And, of course, Simon, just like the Welsh Dragon, is a red dragon. (Or in the process of becoming one? Or a half-dragon? Or a dragon kitten?…) And the dragon that Simon and Baz fought on the Watford lawn, when they first worked together, and first shared magic, was a red dragon. Of course, the actual dragon in question here is Margaret. Shepard would absolutely have a pin to commemorate his friendship with her. And since I was going to give him a pin with a dragon, I knew I was going to have to use the Welsh Dragon because it would perfectly capture his burgeoning friendship with Simon, as well. Now, I want to go on a slight detour here (this blog post will be its own Odyssey) and talk more about the Welsh Red Dragon. I took the design for the pin from the Welsh flag, which is the thing that first made me think more about Simon’s Welsh connection. I’m not really making a point here, I just think it’s fascinating! There’s a lot of Welsh lore about the Red Dragon (and Margaret herself calls Simon “Great Red” - that ‘R’ is capitalized, by the way, so this seems to be a proper name for the kind of dragon that she thinks Simon is). Full disclosure, I am not Welsh and I am not a scholar on any of this by any means. That being said, a cursory, and super academic, perusal of the Wikipedia article on the Welsh Dragon led me to a few different history websites that linked the symbol of the red dragon with Merlin and King Arthur (son of Uther Pendragon, literally dragon head). Merlin, one of the most well-known magical figures and Arthur, one of the most well-known Chosen One figures in literary tradition. I know very little about Arthurian legend, and Welsh history, and dragon lore, though, so I’m going to just say, do a little research on your own when you’re bored and feeling nerdy!

Resist!: Shep is a young black man (and reasonable human being) living in the U.S. during the [redacted] Administration. I should hope this one is self-explanatory.

Hoover Dam: At some point in his visits to see Blue, I’m sure Shepard stopped off at the gift shop and bought himself a souvenir pin to mark the incredible experience he had making friends with an actual river. (This pin design is based on an actual souvenir pin of the Hoover Dam I found on Google Images—along with most of the other pin designs. I think it’s vintage, which just felt even more like Shepard to me, because he’s the kind of guy who would appreciate stuff that’s got a past.)

Deathly Hallows: I mean, IF the Harry Potter books/movies exist in the Simon Snow universe (which hasn’t been confirmed, as far as I know, by our Queen) I’m sure Shepard would have been totally into it as a kid, and probably would have found greater significance in its magical lore once he discovered that ACTUAL MAGIC EXISTS! So, he would have a pin to show his belief in the magickal world, and maybe also as a nostalgic reminder of when magic was still just something fictional he could turn to for escapism (and not something that would result in being cursed by a demon…).

The Truth is Out There: So, I know virtually nothing about The X-Files (my sister was obsessed with it to the point that she wanted to become a FBI agent for a few years, but I never watched it), but I’m sure Shepard is a fan. If nothing else, the sentiment is awfully apropos.

So It Goes: This one is very hard to see. It sort of looks like a black teardrop with a bar on top of it (it’s supposed to look like a bomb). The pin I based this off of reads “So It Goes”, which from my very superficial research, is a line repeated in Vonnegut’s anti-war novel Slaughterhouse-Five every time someone dies. I don’t know anything more about it, other than that it is a Kurt Vonnegut-inspired pin available for purchase on Etsy, and Shep mentions that he wanted to get a Vonnegut quote tattoo, even though “everybody has those.”

Green Alien Head: You will never be able to convince me that Shepard does not 10,000% believe in the existence of aliens. If he were still in the U.S. during the Area 51 Raid, I’m sure he would have stopped by, just, you know, for science…(I’m thinking he was probably still in the UK, but I guess we’ll see in AWTWB.)

Centaur: This one is also hard to see, but I took the design from a pin I found of one of the centaurs (the blue-haired, blue-bodied one, if that rings a bell for you) from Disney’s Fantasia. (Fun fact: I was super into Fantasia as a littlun, and I attribute my lifelong love for classical music in large part to the centaur sequence and my latent lesbianism—I mean, it was ludicrously erotic. Watch it sometime and tell me it would not make an impression on a sapphic three-year-old.) Midwifing a centaur foal was probably a very emotional and formative experience for Shepard. Buying this pin would be his way of remembering that experience, and the excitement and gratitude he likely felt to have been entrusted with that kind of acceptance from the centaur(s).

Jackalope: It doesn’t help that this pin is almost the same color as Shepard’s jacket, but it’s based off a design of a jackalope’s head that, again, I found on Google Image search (honestly, I don’t know how I ever made art without it). We know that Shepard once got some gossip from a jackalope, who vented to him about magicians calling “themselves ‘magicians’”, like “they’re the only ones with magic”. (This is totally irrelevant, but I always think of Americans when I read this. I am an American, by the way. America is a continent, but those of us living in the U.S. calls ourselves Americans, like everyone else living in America doesn’t matter.) Anyway, the jackalope offered Shepard some valuable insight into the political workings of the magickal world, so it gets its own pin.

LEFT SIDE

Pansexual Pride Flag Pin: I mean, technically, canonically, we don’t know what Shepard’s sexuality (or asexuality) is, but I just get some vibes from him. Plus, if we take him as a mirror for Simon (who is somewhere on the bi-plus spectrum), it’s not a far cry to imagine he also identifies somewhere on that spectrum.

Pentagram: This is another symbol that I chose based on my interpretation of Shepard’s character, and not so much on a Maybe or a story that he mentioned. The pentagram, or pentacle, is typically associated with the occult and witchcraft, which is something that could potentially also be said of Shep.

Sasquatch: You don’t go backpacking—or not backpacking—and introduce a Sasquatch to the benefits of dental hygiene without getting yourself a souvenir of the hike.

I [heart] Mystery Spot: The Mystery Spot is a weird sort of phenomenon in California (my home state). It’s a place outside the beach town of Santa Cruz that boasts of a “gravitational anomaly” on its website. I went once, years ago, and while you’re there, it can feel pretty convincing. (Also, I was probably like 10, so…) People outside of California will likely never have heard of this place, but driving around here (at least in the Bay Area, where I am, which isn’t that far from Santa Cruz) you’ll see yellow Mystery Spot bumper stickers on cars everywhere. I’m not really sure what the thing is with the bumper stickers. Like, I’m sure not that many people actually think it’s legit, and maybe it’s like one of those things that Californians just do (like freak out and forget how to drive when we feel water falling from the sky). But yeah, these bumper stickers are everywhere. Anyway, Shepard drives around a lot. He knows about the Vampires of Las Vegas (how is that not an indie rock band?) and the Katherine Hotel, and the Next Blood. So, he’s probably made it past Nevada and into California before. And while he was there, it’s not a great stretch of the imagination that someone who chases after magic wouldn’t wind up at a place called the Mystery Spot and get himself a pin while he was there. (And maybe even a bumper sticker.)

Black Power Fist: Unfortunately, this one is also hard to see, because the fist is black and I didn’t have anything to go over the outlines of the fingers with, which I sort of didn’t think about when I colored it. This one also feels self-explanatory. Shepard is black. Blackness has long been treated in itself as a crime by non-black members of law enforcement, and just the general racist population of the U.S. Young black men are especially vulnerable to racially motivated violence. I’m sure Shep, who drives all over the country by himself and gets into high speed chases at night in the middle of nowhere Nebraska while hunting super shifty rando Maybes has had a run-in or two. Stay safe, Shep!

Every Pronoun Belongs Here [Trans Pride Flag background]: Also, super hard to see because the letters are too small to read. I found this exact pin in a basket by the register at my local bookshop. (Support local bookshops, people!) They were being sold as a fundraiser for a LGBTQ club at one of the high schools, and I loved the idea that I could help them raise money and add this pin to my own growing collection to show off my support for trans rights. (Support trans rights and trans people, people!) I decided to give Shepard this same pin, because I could imagine him having an almost identical book buying experience in a dozen other towns that he’s probably visited. And I love the simplicity of the message, because it’s one of belonging, which EVERYONE is desperately seeking, no matter who they are or how they identify, and Shepard, and every character in this picture, is no exception. (Plus, it seemed like a cool way to connect my pin collection with Shep’s. Maybe I should have mentioned the fact that I’m also a pin person at the beginning? I walk to work and on my lunch breaks, so I carry all of my stuff in a backpack. And I proudly display my random pin collection on my backpack. Including several Simon Snow-related pins.)

Don’t Panic: This was based off a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy pin. I don’t really know anything about the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (including if it’s okay to abbreviate it as HGG? THGTTG? whatever), even though I did watch the movie years back when it was on TV and I still lived with my parents who had a TV. But the sentiment felt appropriate, and Shepard is a sort of magickal hitchhiker. Apart from managing to hold down a job at Dick Blick, he appears to lead a somewhat nomadic lifestyle. He tells Penny, “the road is my teacher”, and if that’s not a hitchhiker slogan, I don’t know what is. (Ass, gas, or grass?)

Black Lives Matter: They do. Just sayin’.

Magic Troll Doll: When I was growing up, the Troll doll was all the (nightmare-inducing) rage. Trolls are one of those magickal creatures that are continually mentioned in the series. Shepard talks about lonely trolls under bridges. Simon talks about killing trolls. Agatha would rather kiss a troll. And Baz was kidnapped by numpties, who are sort of like trolls. I couldn’t not include a troll. And the Troll doll specifically felt perfect, because the full name was Magic Troll Doll. You can bet if Shepard had to pick a troll-related pin, it would be a magic(k)al one.

[Asshole]: This is another Kurt Vonnegut pin. It looks like a messily drawn asterisk (*), but it’s actually meant to be an asshole (taken from the preface of Vonnegut’s novel Breakfast of Champions, and drawn by Vonnegut himself). I just thought, why the fuck not? So, here. Have an asshole pin. (I should have put it on a buttonhole…)

HONOURABLE MENTION

Shepard’s Phone Case: Remember that line I quoted earlier, about Shep wanting to get a Vonnegut quote tattoo? Well, when I was trying to figure out what to put on his phone case, I thought that seemed like a reasonable place to start. So, I googled Vonnegut quotes, to see if I could find one that I thought Shepard would like. Here’s the quote: “a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” I just loved that for Shepard.

[nikkiitalks]

hi you don’t have to post this but i just wanted to address something! as a 17 year old i really fucking hate it when adults call us “children.” i know we’re not adults, i don’t want to rp with adults, but it is really paternalistic and rude and patronizing when a bunch of people in their 20s/30s talk about us like we don’t have any agency or are like dumb babies when we are on the same internet looking at the same stuff. please don’t underestimate us and don’t say you’re “protecting children.”

I VERY carefully choose when I use the word 'child' or 'children' instead of 'Minor' which is what I usually use as this encapsulates everything under age. When I use the word child/children in a response, it is to make a point or drive one home.

To point out that the reason there are these laws is because teenagers like yourself, and adults like myself (30+) do not have brains that function in the same way. That when it comes to interactions between someone of my age (nearly twice that of yours) and someone of your age, there will always be a semblance of power imbalance because you as a teenager do not have a fully matured brain, nor the life experience that someone of my age would.

From a UC Berkley article: "Neuroscience research has shown that while teenagers' feet may be done growing by the end of high school, their brains are not. The prefrontal cortex of a 15-year-old is very different from that of a 30-year-old, both physically and in how it's used."...."Bunge has seen interesting changes as brains mature. In one study, her team found that while adults' prefrontal cortexes are highly activated in certain areas when they resist impulses, adolescent's are not. In the real world, this lack of a strong impulse control center means that teens are less able to withstand the temptation of a new reward, even if it comes with certain risks. "If your friend says, 'Hey, let's try this drug, it will be fun,' you might not be able to use the information you know about the possible negative consequences to resist," Bunge said.

In a different study, Bunge and her colleagues found that teenagers tend to make riskier choices than adults, and they do so because it's enjoyable. When faced with different hypothetical choices in the study, adults tended to pick the safe choice, while teens often picked the riskier one. The kids knew they were making the risky choice, Bunge said. The study identified a region of the prefrontal cortex that was active as children took the gamble."

Furthermore, as a mother, as a parent, it's nearly impossible for me not to take a paternalistic approach to these things. I'm looking through the view of a PARENT. How would I feel if my teenager was writing with a bunch of fully grown adults?

I also wish there had been more protections for myself and others when we were minors starting to rp at the dawn of the 2000's. Many of us were victimized, many of us found ourselves in uncomfortable and even dangerous situations.

There is a reason that many of us that are in our late twenties and early thirties are so adamant on this topic. We lived through the truest wild west of RP that there was. Before and after the creation of tumblr. I have stories upon stories on my own blog from others who as teenagers ended up in compromising and/or traumatic experiences on this website alone. Those who had ended up in these unfavorable positions themselves are thankful that there are people out there trying to make this a safer place for minors.

I apologize if you were offended, I truly am, and from your anon alone it's obvious that you are a very mature teenager, that's wonderful, but a teenager you are nonetheless. Unfortunately in a cognitive and developmental standpoint we are not on equal footing. When it comes to being on the same internet looking at the same things, there's a difference in how you as a minor, and myself as a fully developed adult process and/or interact with that content.

Where an adult of my age and experience could see a problematic behaviour for what it is, you as a teenager may not be able to. We're not here trying to work against you guys, minors, where working FOR you, even if it doesn't seem that way. We're trying to help to spare as many of you from what so many of us went through.

[gi-maeve-rose]

Dark Matters

Chapter 2: An Old Friend

“Man, I fucking hate Elf Town,” Daryl complained from the passenger seat of the police car.

Nick huffed a sigh, keeping his eyes on the road. “I’m aware. You say that every time we drive through.”

“Because I hate it every time!” Daryl groaned in distain as he watched the expensively dressed elves go by. “Those Magic feds couldn’t come out to the station? It’s not like they ain’t been there before. They know where it is.”

“You read the email, Ward,” Jakoby reminded, glancing at his partner. “If they were to come out too close around the time of the Wand incident, people are gonna start suspecting things.”

“It’s been two years, man. And isn’t it suspicious that two LAPD officers, the ones who were involved with the Wand incident, are going to Magic Task Force HQ?”

Nick said nothing. He understood Daryl’s apprehension. After their traumaticing encounter with the Inferni, and the revelation that Daryl is a Bright, all he wanted was for things to go back to normal. or as close to normal as possible. No one knew about Daryl being a Bright except Nick and the two MTF agents, Kandomere and Montehugh. Not even his family knew.

“I can’t deal with this shit again, Nick,” Ward continued. “We almost died last time. You did die.”

Nick grunted. He hated being reminded. The scar was reminder enough. “The sooner this is taken care of, the sooner we can go back to our normal lives.” He pondered for a moment. “Well, normal-ish.”

Daryl scoffed, and the rest of the ride was silent. Whatever it was the agents needed from them, he knew it was Magic related. And it was going to take a while.

Although having gather as much information as possible for the moment, Kandomere paced his office once more with more files in hand. Perhaps he missed something. Another, a different, elf involved, maybe not an elf at all? He was desperate for it to be someone else, anyone besides-

The landline on his desk buzzed and he stopped pacing to answer.

“Agent, the LAPD officers are here,” a woman informed.

“Thank you, send them in.” He quickly shut the files away in his desk and sat in his chair as Jakoby and Ward entered.

“Thank you for coming out on such short notice,” he started as they sat. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I called for you in the first place.”

“something Magic related?” Daryl asked. He already knew the answer, yet he still so foolishly hoped otherwise.

Kandomere sighed. “The Wand was stolen.” Daryl and Nick stared in disbelief, so he opened his laptop to the security footage so they could see for themselves.

“Fuck...” Ward muttered, running a hand over his face. Kandomere nodded somberly as he shut the laptop. “So, what? You want us to go looking for it?”

“Of course not,” Kandomere reassured. “You two got lucky retrieving it from Leilah, and you only got accidentally roped into that one. You’ll get yourselves killed if I send you out purposely after these people.”

“Then what?”

Nick kicked his partner’s foot and shot him a warning look. Now was not the time to get an attitude. Daryl glared at Nick and rolled his eyes with a scoff.

Kandomere, although annoyed, kept his composure. “I need your assistance.” He handed them a background check sheet. “I have reason to believe this elven woman might be affiliated with the two in the footage.”

Nick handed Daryl the sheet. “Do you want us to bring her in for questioning?” he asked.

Kandomere shook his head as he stood from his desk, grabbing his car keys. “We’re going to go to her. We’ll take my car.” Anxiety hit him like a freight train the moment those words left his lips.

Daryl and Nick followed after him. “So we’re your muscle?” Daryl asked with an eyebrow raised. Kandomere said nothing and continued walking, earning a cocky grin from Ward. “Hear that, Nick? Big, bad Magic fed needs some bodyguards.”

“My partner, Montehugh is busy with gathering more information,” Kandomere spoke sternly, clearly annoyed. “And I need you because she’s a Bright. If she were to try any funny shit, I figured having another Bright may be useful.”

Daryl’s smug smile turned into a scowl at the reminder. He looked over to Nick who only shrugged in response. Daryl shook his head in displeasure as they reached Kandomere’s sleek, black 2020 Audi S7.

The trio found themselves driving through East LA. It was more diverse with humans, orcs, centaurs, and many other creatures of the like. It’s also an area you’d least likely find an elf passing through, let alone living.

Daryl stared out the backseat window in confusion. “Some shit really must’ve gone down with her if she’s living out here.” He looked at Kandomere, who kept his eyes on the road ahead. Daryl’s worry was confirmed. “What happened?”

“That’s not pertinent to this, Officer Ward,” Kandomere answered firmly. “We’re to go in, get the information we need, and get out.” All the while praying that he could keep it at that.

Daryl and Nick didn’t buy into it. There was a history between him and this woman, but they knew better than to pry.

After another short while of silent driving, they arrived at their destination. They pulled into an apartment complex parking lot, taking an open space in front. Two orc children and one human child played in the grass, their parents socializing with each other on the patio. The orc father was the first to notice the car, very out of place in this part of the city. He stood from his seat and approached the three men as they exited the car.

“Good afternoon,” Nick greeted, feeling it was best that he took over for now. “This is Agent Kandomere, with the Magic Task Force. This is Officer Wa-”

“Officers Ward and Jakoby, with LAPD,” the orc resident finished.  Yeah, I’ve heard about you guys. Especially you.” He held his hand out to Nick. “The name’s Markus.”

Nick smiled and shook his hand. Daryl and Kandomere gave each other a relieved glance. Perhaps this would go over easier than expected.

“So what can we do for you? You guys look like you’re far from home.” Markus asked.

Kandomere felt the question was more directed toward him, seeing that he was an elf and all. But he didn’t pay it any mind. “We’re looking Ynshael Cortez. Goes by ‘Shae’?”

Markus nodded with a chuckle. “Ah, I should’ve guessed. She sticks out like a sore thumb around here.” He turned toward the entrance and pointed them in the right direction. “Through that door, up the first flight of stairs, door on the right.”

Kandomere nodded in thanks before heading toward the door. 

“She’s not in trouble, is she?” Markus called after.

The three men stopped and turned back to face Markus. “Do you have relations with her?” Daryl asked.

Markus shrugged. “Her and I don’t talk much, but she’s good friends with my wife and she nannies the kids in the area. The kids definitely seem to love her.”

A moment of relief washed over Kandomere. Shae hadn’t been up to no good after all these years. Or so it seemed. Sadly, he still couldn’t rule he rout just based on a good word.

Kandomere nodded again. “Thank you.” He continued to the door, this time faster. Was it the anticipation to see her, or did he just want to get this over with? It had been over a decade since they’ve spoken, let alone seen each other. How much had she changed? Would she even remember him? The things they’d been through together? If she did, would she even want to see him? They hadn’t exactly left off on good terms...

Before he knew it, the three of them stood just outside her door. Kandomere pushed aside the bothersome thoughts. This was business. But though it was such, he found himself paralyzed.

“Agent Kandomere?” Nick tried. Kandomere didn’t move. Daryl huffed in annoyance and knocked on the door himself, the sound shaking Kandomere from his stupor. 

The first thing they heard was a large dog barking, then a woman’s voice. “Titan, hush! I fucking swear, I never wanted to fight a dog before, but you’re testing my limits, dude.” The clicking of the locks coming undone could be heard from the other side. The door opened. “I love you, but seriously. Can I he-” She stopped the moment her icy blue eyes, smudged with eyeliner, caught Kandomere’s.

Kandomere felt a lump in his throat. It really was her. Wavy black to blond hair falling over her prominent collarbone, a grey, ripped up Metallica crop top hung loosely on her torso, falling off her shoulder. A pair of black spandex shorts hugged her full hips.

She was exactly the same, except... Different. She now sported multiple piercing on her ears, a piercing on one side of her button nose, and one decorating the center of her bottom lip, drawing attention to their plumpness. And so many tattoos... Yes, it was her, exactly the same, yet different.

Kandomere cleared he lump in his throat and pushed away years of suppressed feelings (and the rather new suppressed feeling in his trousers). “Hello, Shae,” he managed to speak as professionally as possible.

“No...” A knowing sharp-toothed grin grew on her face. “...way.” She propped her elbow on the doorway above he rhead and placed a hand on her hip. “Kandomere? Is that really you?”

~~~~~~~~~~

Art by: @morphinetunee

Taglist (open):

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Masterlist

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I do not post to any other website! Please do not repost my chapters to any other website unless I give you my written permission!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Bright or any of the characters except for my OCs!