#how it actually happened
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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Michael learns of Jeffās pizza from FNAF Into the pit
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#michael afton#oswald fnaf#Jeff fnaf#Jeffās pizza#into the pit#fnaf itp#Jeff from Jeffās pizza my belovedā¦#I did finish into the pit btw#(which I might replay soon to get the best ending)#CAN I JUST SAY I love Jeff#Heās just so chill#I like how he doesnāt really stop Oswald at all#heās actually really nice to the lil guy despite how exhausted he is#so needed any excuse I could have to draw him out#Michael curious what happened to Freddyās after it shut down etc#SHOCKED that the Jeff in Jeffās pizza is a real dude named Jeff#Jeff is once again unphased by Michael just think heās sick#itās funny cause Jeff is called āzombie pizza guyā ny Oswald in the books#so truly Jeff and Michael might just match in vibes pff#also may draw Jeff again.. I think heās neat#might update his design too here and there but I think I more or less got him down
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This came to me in a vision.
Feel free to add your own favorite "eldritch being x traumatized mortal" ships!
#billford#gravity falls#jarthur#private eyes#malevolent#malevolent podcast#symbrock#veddie#venom#this is so stupid help#but its actually so funny how the troupe of an eldritch being and a mortal share bodues and develop a love hate relationship happens a lot
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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The what?? š¤Ø
(On this episode of Dragon Ball Z: Krillin and Gohan give advice to Trunks on how to deal with Vegeta's bad attitude)
#dbz#dragon ball z#gohan#son gohan#krillin#trunks#future trunks#trunks brief#dende#piccolo#vegeta#comic#sketch#db#dragon ball#this came to me in a flash at 2AM#i think i was intending to make it serious#but realized halfway I actually had no ending#then this happened#yay#i wonder how much trunks knows about vegeta#also after this gohan dende and krillin comfort trunks by telling him all about Vegeta#from saiyan saga to present#while trunks just sits on the edge of the lookout with a hetap or something#coping#lmao
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i think what pisses me off the most is that last year, nobody had trouble going against russia. companies dropped everything so they could keep russians off their sites, to block them from their news articles and to sanction in other ways. eurovision kicked it out. even steam, discord, any fucking western apps or websites have been so willing to perform in āactivismā. musicians and celebrities speaking out and country-blocking their work, and so much more. but now what? where is all of that now for israel? where are all the brands leaving the country to āprotestā? where is anything? what pisses me off the most is that none of them have actually really cared about ukraine, ever, and none of them care about palestine now.
#palestine#like that one post said. itās all just performative and saccharine#i know this is not my typical genre of post but the hypocrisy is actually maddening . and what happened today is so awful i donāt know how#anyone can stay quiet#also i know this post makes it sound like the sanctions were last year only. but no theyāre still on going#because of course they are
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one of the reasons it's really hard for a lot of intersex people when intersex topics are on the news cycle is because the public's reaction reveals how little anyone knows or cares about intersex people, including people who call themselves our allies. almost every time intersex topics are trending, the discourse surrounding them is filled with misinformation. people who only learned today what the word intersex means jump into conversations and act like an authority. endosex/dyadic/perisex people get tripped up over things that are basically intersex 101, with tons of endosex people incorrectly arguing about the definition of intersex, who "counts," DSD terminology, and so much more. i've seen multiple endosex people say today that they've been "warning intersex people" and that we should have known that transphobia would catch up with us eventually, which is an absolutely absurd thing to say given the fact that consistently over the past ten years, it has often been intersex people sounding the alarm on sex-testing policies and also the fact that many, many intersex people are also trans, and already are facing the impacts of transphobia. there is an absolute failure from the general public to take intersex identity seriously; people seem not even able to fathom that intersex people have a community, history, and our own political resources. instead, endosex people somehow seem to think they're helping by bringing up half-remembered information from their high school biology class which usually isn't even relevant at all.
and this frustrates me so fucking much. not because i want to deny the impacts of transphobic oppression--i'm a trans intersex person, trust me when i say i am intimately aware of transphobia. this frustrates me because there is no way we can achieve collective liberation if our "allies" fail to even engage with basic intersex topics and are seemingly unaware of the many forms of intersex oppression that we are already facing every fucking day. if you are not aware of compulsory dyadism, if you are not aware of interphobia, if you are not aware of the many different ways that intersex people are directly and often violently targeted--how the fuck do you think we're going to dismantle all of these systems of oppression?
if you were truly an intersex ally, you would already KNOW that this is not new, and would not be surprised--interphobia in sports has been going on for decades. you would know that we do have a community, an identity, a history--you would have already read/listened/watched to intersex resources that give you the background information you need for allyship. you would know that although there is a really distinct lack of resources and political education, that intersex people ARE developing a political understanding of ourselves and our oppression--Cripping Intersex by Celeste Orr and their framework of compulsory dyadism is one example of how we're theorizing our oppression. It's absolutely fucking wild to me how few people I've seen actually use words like "interphobia" "intersexism" "compulsory dyadism" or "intersex oppression"--endosex people are seemingly incapable of recognizing that there is already an entrenched system of oppression towards intersex people that violently reshapes our bodies, restricts our autonomy, and attempts to eradicate intersex through a variety of medical and legal means.
you cannot treat intersex people like an afterthought. not just because we're meaningful parts of your community and deserving of solidarity, but also because intersex oppression impacts everyone!!! especially trans community--trans people will not be free until intersex people are free, so much of transphobia is shaped by compulsory dyadism, the mythical sex binary, all these ideas of enforced "biological sex" that are just as fake as the gender binary.
it makes me absolutely fucking livid every time this shit happens because it becomes so abundantly clear to me how little the average endosex person knows about intersex issues and also how little the average endosex person cares about changing that. i don't know what to say to get you to care, to get you to change that, but we fucking need it to happen and i, personally, am tired of constantly being grateful when i meet an endosex person who knows the bare minimum. i think we have a right to expect better and to demand that if you're going to call yourself our ally, you actually fucking listen to us when we tell you what that means.
okay for endosex people to reblog.
#personal#intersex#actually intersex#actuallyintersex#interphobia#intersexism#compulsory dyadism#trans#lgbtqia#transphobia#also to be clear im not necessarily mad about people not knowing or using the term compulsory dyadism. bc that term in particular is newer.#and from a dense academic theory book. so that's something that i understand why ppl might not yet know. i just brought it up as an example#and my main point is less about which specific terms people are using. but more just that endosex people seem incapable of recognizing the#actual material instances of oppression that are already happening. and teh history of that. and the systems#set up to enable it#like idk i don't care if you don't know or use a term if you're otherwise aware and understand how the sex binary is fake and all the#discriminatory ways society then enforces this. and how it fucks intersex people over#you see what i'm saying?
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"stop making akechi pancake jokes its 2024" no fuck you
#horrible news i'm obsessed with him#raise your hand if youre actually surprised#i see an egotistical smartass brunette twink with daddy issues whos doomed by the narrative and i latch on like a motherless duckling#bro i deadass forgot how to draw it took me so long to figure out how to do this mfs hair š¤¦š½āāļøš¤¦š½āāļø#gayass motherfucker detective bitch i hate him so much#persona 5#p5#persona 5 royal#p5r#goro akechi#lotus draws#i better not see anybody call him dazai in the comments again or im gonna gut you like a fish#its happened on three separate posts GIVE UP
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tim and bruce have an odd relationship to the rest of the family. they donāt act like father and son but it seems like they have a ādeeperā bond than the others
bruce seems to take timās advice more seriously, bruce actually takes a break if tim tells him, tim still gets benched but not nearly as much as he should, and most confusingly, tim benched bruce once. not alfred benching bruce, TIM.
normally bruce has to be forced to take a break, and normally by alfred, but if tim says āyouāre benched for a weekā bruce? listens?
they have no idea why. some of them ask dick if he knows since he was there but heās just as confused
and then despite all that thereās also such a strain between them? itās really on the line of a professional relationship and almost a care taker. itās very confusing. and then the times bruce gives tim a present or anything like that and tim stops and stares at him for a second, like heās dissecting bruce. no one is able to fully figure it. until bruce is de-aged to timās robin era.
tim is very adamant about most of them, but especially jason and damian, do not reveal their names to him. for the time being they have a strictly professional relationship with their father who doesnāt know them.
they finally get some of the picture when they see tim start acting as bruceās caretaker. tim switches between being gentle āhey, you need to sleepā to screaming at bruce. it always works. tim knows exactly which version bruce needs and it scares the team cause that has to require some practice
theyāre then also thrown for a loop when they hear bruce call out jasonās name in a shocked voice, which makes sense cause he doesnāt know jason is alive but jason still has his helmet on so what? and then they hear a voice none of them have heard. except dick goes pale and jasonās breath hitches. and suddenly tim is responding to jasonās name and acting weird, almost like what some of dicks stories described jason as. and itās so fucked up when theyāre watching time act like someone else and bruce going along with it
the dynamic theyāre getting is also fucked up once again when, during one of bruceās really bad days, tim straight up acts like bruceās parent. and bruce reacts well.
theyāre all horrified by this. the realization that tim and bruceās relationship has so many layers and that they do act like father and son sometimes. except bruce isnāt the father and tim isnāt the son
#tim drake#batfamily#bruce wayne#damian wayne#jason todd#parentified tim drake#i think thatās the term#anyway#tim doing better with bruce like this than the bruce they have now#bruce gets hit with a gas and calls tim dad and tim goes with it like itās not the first time it happened#bruce gets turned back to normal at some point and having to deal with everyone seeing how fucked his relationship with tim is#also. NOT BRUCE X TIM. THIS IS NOT BATCEST. IF I EVER POST BATCEST IVE BEEN REPLACED#anyway. jason seeing how bad bruce got after his death. realizing that tim didnāt actually want to replace him#dick seeing what he just ignored. realizing that oh shit i couldāve stopped this#dc stands for disregard canon#again not canon
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For the twins in time AU, I genuinely wonder what kind of people the young twins grow up into because of Stanās/Fordās influence. Especially if it takes years for the portal to get fixed.
(Sorry if it seems like I already sent this question, I donāt know if it got sent the first time I asked)
I havenāt fully fleshed out how Ford grows up in the past but I do have thoughts on Stan presently
#heās still his goofy brash self as well#but I do think he gets an outlet for all that through monster hunting and trips and stuff#he does get comfortable here thoughā¦#Iām thinking we have something play out thatās similar to the science fair#where they get close to being able to send him home and he breaks something or maybe even purposely sabotages itā¦#and I think he sneaks out a lot too#maybe he uses the secret identities in that way like when heās in town heāll pretend to be Pinley pinington#and thatās how he develops his scammy/improv skills#FORD ON THE OTHER HAND#I think he might actually be MORE emotionally stunted because Stan tries so hard to protect him#that it goes the other way#they kind of become reliant on each other in a really unhealthy way or maybe Stan sort of steers ford away from his smart stuff#to prevent the future from happening#not maliciously but yk#like I said I havenāt fleshed his story out as fully yet so I will get back to you#but there are some interesting possibilities#my art#ask#gravity falls#twins in time au#Stan pines#Stanley pines
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your honour he cant help it hes a kitty. he missed them
#sorry for nothing for ages and then a bunch of posts not actually sorry thats just how it happens#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl narinder#cotl lamb#my art#narilamb#hey i think everyone could maybe do with something a bit nicer after today huh me included š#meant to draw their tattoos i just forgot pardon me i dont wanna do it all again
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searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!
#for finncakes.arts dtiys on instagram... i missed you wxs#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#polysho#my ipad did not survive this one its at 3% after like 5 procreate crashes#and sending me visions of it being put down like a dog. Not happening#kirapipi album release im FREE#wxs getting 1 another wanopo comm and 2 a traditional japanese style song. ive been saying they need it. emu deep voice can save the world#I drew emus recent card the untrained but i dont KNOW HOW TO RENDER SNYMORE IDK HOW TO DO IT. SO SHES TRAPPED#in my wip art timeloop for eternity.#tsukasa is pissing me off so bad in this no matter how many times i drew and redrew his head imhe just completely breaks the illusion of#depth i think i actually did alright on rui and emu. i love how theynlook. Went hard rendering tsukasas outfit i guess which.#pisses me off MORE. its NOT THE FOCAL POINT. TSUKASA INHOPE YOUR NEXT LIM HAIRCUT IS EVEN MORE STUPID. YOURE RUINING MY LIFE.#whats supposed to be his hand is so fucked up with the perspective too helppp me just pretend its nenes.#the tonal difference from my ladt post is so funny. fuck you siffrin you stupud cat
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FNAF movie Vanessaās thoughts when meeting Abby..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#mike schmidt#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#vanessa shelly#abby schmidt#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#ANOTHER Vanessa thoughts comic š„#Vanessa is so funny I love her BAHAH#LISTEN.. many thoughts on this scene#TBH when Vanessa meets Abby you actually can see on her face like#how worried she gets about her being around#I THINK she knew deep down if her father found out about her what could happen#and I think thatās why she gets so upset when Abby is at the pizzeria#BUT I THINK everyone picked that up#THE OTHER THING I DONT see many people talk about#is the fact Vanessa thought Mike had a kid for like a second#LIKE STRAIGHT UP calls Abby Mikeās daughter#SHE TRULY misread the situation#she thought Mike got some fr#love that scene too#especially Abbyās reaction she just says āewā š#ABBY DOES not wanna be Mikeās kid ššš#I wonder if Vanessa felt embarrassed after lowkey like oops
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after having an entire hour long conversation with my coworkers about what "degendering" is, and the importance of using trans people's pronouns when you know them- rather than always defaulting to "they/them" no matter what- and still getting "they/them"ed by people I trusted not to fucking do that to me, I have decided that the name and pronouns circle of introductions for new additions to the group will now include the very clearly stated boundary that they do not use "they/them" pronouns for me.
your move, cowards!
#the positive end of this is that i happened to be the first non-cis person to introduce myself in the circle#and two nonbinary(?) people after me both followed suit & elaborated on like#which pronouns were okay AND which pronouns they actually preferred people use for them/how they use them#which was really cool!!#usually they've just given the list of which ones were okay#so it was nice to have the detailed insight and also nice to see them asset boundaries
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quick itfs sketch page
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#megumi#fr some reason it's rare fr me to b happy with monochrome pieces so i am combatting tht general dislike by making it itfs#harder 2 dislike smth when it's a bunch of sketches of my ship kissing#oh ya threw in some good ol Corner Angst also bc i ended up not wanting 2 draw a third kiss dsfhjshdsdfjg#doing this got me thinking about tht one itfs piece i did back in april#captioned smth smth 'im on an itafushi kick'#n how that was like. the piece that opened the floodgates n made me realize how actually insane i am abt them#before it was just a casual Yeah This Ship Is Cute ill draw for it when the mood strikes#then after doing tht draws i ws like wait a minute whats happening to me#now here i am 5 months later completely emotionally dependent on these 2 traumatized 15 year olds#anyway this sheet is kind of an homage 2 the other one :'> how far ive come. how far theyve come. they make me ill every waking hour
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need him to tell me how pretty i look while i choke on his cock
#laaaalalalalala#can we make this happen#chat how do we make this happen#cause need that to happen like right now actually#š¤øļæ½ļæ½āāļøš§š¼āāļøš¤øš¼āāļøš§š¼āāļøš¤øš¼āāļøš§š¼āāļøš¤øš¼āāļø#txt
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