#how i support all of his weird shit without dissing it

[kiestrokes]

rant under the cut

bigBIG feelings about this lately:

if you don't vibe with something that someone else likes and is posting about.

move tf along.

quit shitting on things that bring others joy, just because you do not understand the hype. it's giving lack of empathy and human fucking decency.

this is obviously within reason and I'm not talking about shit that is a hard no (i.e. racism, pedophilia, etc.) <- HARD NO, just to be crystal clear.

about to take all my grown ass friends to see Barbie. sit the fuck down and listen up bitches, because we are TOO grown to still be having this conversation.

sometimes those silly little things are what is holding a person together.

I didn't make it to 29 to still be shamed for the things I love.

Sorry.

[call-me-aesthetic]

If Twisted Wonderland was an American Public School

WARNING: There are some slight sensitive topics that are featured in here! Reader discretion is advised!

Part 2 can be found here

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts:

- That one preppy girl who takes all honors and AP classes 😑

- Wants everyone to know that he’s becoming a doctor one day for his strict parents or he’ll dishonor the family

- Reminds the teacher about homework, knowing well that he’ll get slander for it

- Complains about how he got a 90 on his test or a B on his report card, a try hard much?

- Wears a cardigan with thicc but cute glasses since he’s one of those people with can’t see shit on the board so he has to move to the front of the class

Ace Trappola:

- The SoundCloud rapper, that’s it

- “Wanna listen to my mixtape? It’s pretty fire, my guy.” 😩🔥

- You will not miss him BLASTING out some song on his Bluetooth speaker, that shit be echoing through the hallways

- Tells you to stop what you’re doing only for him to either sing horribly or do a backflip, thinking that he’s so cool

- Wears a Supreme jacket with AirPods and waves on his head

Deuce Spade:

- Assuming that he’s still a delinquent, he’s that kid with the most fucked up school record

- Not much of a bully but will still talk shit to your face without caring, might even throw stuff at you during a lesson and you would be the one getting in trouble instead of him 🗿

- If he ever gets mad, it would be overdramatic like kicking the desks, punching the lockers, or walking out of the classroom unannounced and everyone would look at each other wondering wtf happened

- Covers the entire desks with drawings of skulls and those “s” if you know what I mean

- Wears Champion hoodies, wants you to know that he’s broke and rich at the same time

Trey Clover:

- The guy that’s not really popular but everyone knows him since he’s in all their classes

- Most people might have a crush on him because he’s REALLY nice 😳👉👈

- Gives off “older brother” vibes based on the way he looks and acts, like offering you a ride home if you beg ask nicely

- Secretly bakes creme brulee but doesn’t want to mess with the flow so he sticks to the status quo

- Wears the school’s hoodie just because he thinks it looks good on him, and the fact that he doesn’t know what else to wear

Cater Diamond:

- Hot Cheetos girl 🥵

- Has a whole buffet of food in his backpack and will not hesitate to eat them during a lesson, no sharing either sorry

- Excuses himself to the bathroom or full on skips class just to film a Tiktok

- Has about 100 followers on Instagram Magicam and brags about how he’s famous

- Wears a Thrasher hoodie with large hoop earrings and his hair in a bun

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar:

- The kid who flunked their freshman year that also sort of vibes with new classmates

- Always gets mistaken as a teacher by people since he looks and sounds old

- Knows the lessons but still fails them anyways, didn’t really give a damn either 🙄

- Captain of every sports club you can think of, never actually plays but has a lot of knowledge on them

- Wears the school’s letterman from years ago since it used to be his brother’s and that he’s too lazy to buy a new one

Ruggie Bucchi:

- That one kid who NEVER has money for the book fair or any other school event

- Always has to ask his classmates for some cash

- If he somehow does, then he’s one of those kids who buys Diary of the Wimpy Kid or the World Record books

- If he’s feeling cheap, he’ll buy the “cool stuff” like the chocolate scented calculator or fruit snacks 😭

- Wears oversized hoodies and basketball shorts that are clearly hand-me-downs

Jack Howl:

- That one athletic kid who’s both scary good and competitive when it comes to school games like football or soccer

- Literally the best player on his team and without him, they’re trash as hell 💀

- Tries his absolute best to support his teammates without yelling at them for how dumb they are

- “KICK THE FUCKING BALL! DO YOUR LEGS EVEN WORK?!”

- Wears the school’s jersey just to show off his “school spirit”

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto:

- The kid who sell snacks for “charity” but everyone knows he’s keeping the money to himself

- If you don’t have cash or try to negotiate with him, the only thing he’ll do is raise the price up

- “What do you mean you don’t have ten bucks? I can see it in your pocket.”

- Just bring nothing with you, he’ll doing anything to steal your stuff 🤭

- Wears a collar shirt with a tie and khakis that have pockets to keep his glasses and money in

Jade Leech:

- The kid who puts on a goody two shoes facade but is actually a stoner

- Only does “safe” drugs like vape but occasionally smokes weed, mostly in the bathroom or behind the school 🌬

- Can play it off and hide the scent when he’s high, teachers never suspect anything from him

- No one really cares to stop him unless he gets caught or something idk

- Wears clothing that either makes him look like a businessman or a junky, there’s nothing in between

Floyd Leech:

- The kid that’s plays basketball or volleyball just because he’s hella tall, and is actually good at the sports but doesn’t put much effort into them

- Always stays behind after gym, even though the teacher tries to make him leave for his next class 😬

- “I swear after this one shot, I’ll go to class.” *He never made that shot*

- Will jump you no matter who or where you are, and will get angry if you step on his new shoes

- Wears the jersey of any famous team with the latest pair of Jordan sneakers

Scarabia

Kalim Al Asim:

- VSCO girl at best, don’t lie to me now 🤡

- The only words he knows are “And I oop– sksksk.” and “Save the turtles.”

- Walks during a track meet while everyone else is running and sweating hard, the teacher doesn’t care either

- Doesn’t really do anything in gym but talks to his classmates and stands near the water fountain to refill his Hydro flask

- Wears tie dye shirts with cute scrunchies

Jamil Viper:

- That one quiet kid who everybody thinks is a serial killer but he’s actually not, I swear

- He just wants school to be over and spend the rest of his summer relaxing 😔

- Although he shouldn’t abuse his “power,” he‘ll move his hands in his pockets or backpack to make it look like he’s about to pull a weapon out.

- “Chill, I’m just grabbing a pencil.” *Everyone in the class started crying*

- Wears dark colored hoodies that intimidates people but are actually comfy

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit:

- The baddie popular girl 😌💅✨

- Arrives to school late with a Starbucks in hand from his local Target

- Fixes himself every 5 seconds like reapplying his lipgloss or spraying Bath and Body Works cherry blossom perfume

- Uses acrylic nails and long hair extensions as weapons during a cat fight

- Wears a crop top with ripped jeans and those clout sunglasses

Rook Hunt:

- That creepy guy in the hallways who tries to get your attention, even if you don’t know him

- Scares people when he says, “Ayo, where my hug at?” 🥶💯

- Uses at least 10 cans of Axe body spray a week after gym class, which stinks up the locker rooms

- Waves at you if he passes your class, even walking into the room just to say hi

- Wears literally anything but always include a hat

Epel Felmier:

- The artist girl who just wants to be alone 🧑‍🎨

- Purposely draws in front of you but pretends like you’re not looking

- If you complement him, he’ll just brush it off and proceeds to diss himself

- “Thanks but I’m not THAT good at drawing, teehee.” *Insert Radio Rebel face*

- Wears a hoodie or a cardigan with big pockets to put his art supplies in

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud:

- I don’t even need to tell you who he is, y’all already know ahaha 🥴

- Sneaks a whole PlayStation in his backpack so he can play with it during lunch

- Is on his phone 24/7 even in class to the point where teachers don’t care anymore

- Tries to get people into anime but only to little success

- Wears a shirt of any anime character or that damn ahegao hoodie, girl bye

Ortho Shroud:

- The nerdy kid who’s known for destroying others at many games

- Plays classics like D&D, Yugioh, Pokémon, the whole shabang

- Daily Beyblade battles during recess with everyone surrounding him, the menacing aura radiates off of him

- Will steal your things if you lose to him but gives it back a week later cuz he’s sweet 🥰

- Wears light up Sketchers shoes and those Minecraft shirts you find at Old Navy

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia:

- The theatre kid who also goes to band practice, change my mind 👁👄👁

- Takes his role seriously when it comes to school plays and concerts, even if he gets casted as a damn tree or doesn’t go solo

- Remembers the songs and their lyrics to any musical you name, a really good singer at that too

- Plays almost every instrument, you definitely know this since you can hear him down the hallways during a test

- Wears a white button up shirt, black pants with fancy dress shoes, and top it all off with a fricking Rolex watch

Lilia Vanrouge:

- The weird guy who pranks people and vandalizes school property in every way possible

- If you ever get a textbook with a message that tells you to go to a certain page only for you to found a picture of a dick, yeah that was him 😒

- When using a Chromebook, he’ll leave a tab open on YouTube so when the next person uses it, pray that your ears will still work by tomorrow

- During lunch, he is a literal DEMON that mixes milk with chicken nuggets together and having the audacity to eat it too

- Wears an oversized raincoat or a windbreaker but idk wtf kind of things he has hiding underneath

Silver:

- That guy in class who consumes Monster energy drinks and falls asleep 99% of the time but somehow manages to pass the class 🤷

- Whenever he’s awake, he’ll talk to the teachers since he’s basically friends with them for some reason

- Writes his name out of boredom on any desk you sit on but in different places, sometimes around the corners or the sides

- Has a sixth sense because he’ll wake up if you try to draw on his face and if you did get something on him, it’s on sight

- Wears those colorful hoodies that zips all the way up to cover his face with a matching backpack, it’s pretty cool ngl

Sebek Zigvolt:

- That kid who literally knows everything about historical wars and will show it off during class

- Also has knowledge on weaponry, which has people questioning him but he’s just very dedicated on serving his country and people

- Knows how to fight and defend himself from a bitch since he spent his summer at a military boot camp, put respect on my man’s name 😤

- Honestly a great partner for a group project, actually does the given work but not the whole thing for you

- Wears anything that has camo pattern and chunky combat boots

I only made this because me and my friends were talking about our school memories so yeah. This is based from my experience so they might not be exactly accurate. Might even be a part two if you want.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Sun and Fun (S2, E12)

I can’t believe FOX has cancelled this absolute masterpiece of a show. I’m devastated. I’d like to think we’ll get picked up by another network for season 3 but I’m a pessimist and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ll be hanging around the fandom either way though. 

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - Malcolm losing it in Martin’s cell? *chef’s kiss*. 1) excellent performance by Tom. 2) This is the Malcolm mental health content I subscribed for. This is Malcolm feeling overwhelmed, helpless, worthless, and frustrated all at the same time. This. Is. Wonderful. And. Realistic. This is what overwhelming anxiety (especially if you have an anxiety disorder) can feel like. It builds and builds until all of a sudden you’re consumed with all this nervous energy and frustration and it all turns to rage in an instant. But you’re not angry at other people. You don’t want to hurt anyone. That rage is just self hatred because you hate that you feel this broken and your stupid brain won’t function normally. 

0:33 - annnnd then when the excess nervous energy is spent but that feeling of self-hatred, despair, and fear still remains - you’re physically exhausted and 7/10. times you cry. Again, crying because of how stupid you feel for your little rage outburst, for how stupid you feel for feeling this terrible all the time. Malcolm is depicting a severe anxiety episode perfectly (in my experience) and THIS is why FOX is moronic for cancelling the show. The gorgeous and accurate depictions of mental health in Prodigal Son is unprecedented, truthful, and heartbreaking. It’s like nothing else on television. 

0:50 - This kind of hurts. Look at how cautiously Dani enters the room. Almost as if Malcolm is a wild animal she doesn’t want to scare. It makes sense given the state of the room she just entered and how completely openly and uncharacteristically vulnerable Malcolm is. I will say this though, despite how cautious she is, it’s obvious that she cares about Malcolm more than whatever happened before she walked into the room.

 1:03 - “So all eyes are on his head case son right?” This line is a direct quote from Malcolm’s anxiety disorder and depression. This is how you feel about yourself when in the middle of an anxiety episode when you’re also depressed. BUT OUR GIRL DANI!!! <3 This girl looks confused and concerned to hear Malcolm diss himself like that. The fact that she tries to comfort him when he’s in this state, makes her an absolutely A++ friend. 

1:11 - “No one cares about that.” “I CARE. I can’t live like this.” This scene resonates with me so so so much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been 100% aware of how irrational my anxieties are and simultaneously 100% unable to do a damn thing about it because I’m too scared of who I’d be without the fear. Because I’ve defined myself by my anxieties for so long that it’s become the only definable element of my personality visible to me. I’m getting that vibe from Malcolm. I’m sure that’s exactly how he’s feeling right now.

1:30 - “That’s not what scares you. What scares you is living the rest of your life without your father in it.” Dani knows and I felt personally called out. THIS EMOTIONAL WHUMP IS GIVING ME LIFE. <3

1:39 - Look at our floppy haired, devastated boy. :( <3 I’m genuinely shook that he didn’t have a full mental breakdown this episode (but it’s coming....it’s inevitable at this point :) ). ALSO the look of absolute love and concern Dani is shooting towards Malcolm? Absolutely perfect. <3

1:51 - I genuinely find it so interesting that Malcolm keeps referring to “The Surgeon” as “Martin”. If you read my thoughts on 2x11 you know I think it’s because Malcolm has separated ‘Martin Whitly’ into three separate people in his head. “The Surgeon” = the serial killer who traumatized him and ruined his childhood. “Dad/Father” = the man who loved and cared for baby!Malcolm. But “Martin” = unknown. Malcolm doesn’t know who Martin is yet and it scares him. 

1:58 - “For once in your life slow down and acknowledge what this is doing to you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this line. So. So. SO. MUCH. <3 <3 This is the kind of comfort Malcolm needs. SOMEONE needs to tell him that he’s breaking, it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t deserve to suffer for Martin.

2:07 - annnnnnd Malcolm has gone full crazy-person string murder board. He’s right but he’s still acting like a manic crazy person. Like, a real one. Not his usual manic behaviour. This is straight up - this boy needs medication, a nap, therapy, and a doctor. Now.

2:34 - Ugh. This whole cop/Vivian scene made my skin crawl. So gross. So creepy. I hate Capshaw. So much. This woman is manipulative, evil, and so so creepy. The cop was also gross. But I 100% thought she was going to kill the cop because this felt like an opening scene to Criminal Minds. 

4:38 - “THEY WERE HAVING SEX.” hhahahahahahaha holy shit. This is both hilarious and really upsetting (not just because Martin/Capshaw is NASTY). Malcolm is manically, yelling about his theories in a room full of people who love him. He sounds crazy. He’s acting crazy and Dani, JT, and Gil are just staring at him with a mixture of disbelief, concern, and sympathy. <3 It’s heartbreaking. Malcolm is an inch away from a mental breakdown. I’m here for it. 

4:49 - “TMI bro.” <3

 5:05 - Ugh. This breaks my heart. The team doesn’t think Malcolm is crazy. They just know he’s at the end of his rope. The looks they’re exchanging aren’t based in anger, contempt, or a lack of trust. They’re based in concern and I LOVE IT. 

5:21 - LOOK AT OUR BABY. He’s breaking. He’s so close. :( Look at how desperate he is to find Martin. 

5:35 - “That’s exactly what it means.” “Gil, please. You know how much I need this.” THIS HURTS. Gil isn’t angry here - he’s frustrated and scared for Malcolm. And Malcolm? This boy is toeing the line of a full breakdown in front of 3 of his favourite people - that’s out of character for him. Despite the shaking hand and general mania - Malcolm usually refrains from raising his voice in front of Dani and JT. He tries to stay calm-ish so he doesn’t get labelled as ‘violent’ like his serial killer father. 

 5:39 - “StOp. I am scared.” Dani knew exactly how to diffuse the situation. Malcolm can be manipulative and dysfunctional but he never wants to scare people (at least, not unless they’re suspects or obstructing justice). 

5:46 - “I’m not ordering you this time. I’m begging you.” Papa!Gil’s seen Malcolm like this before. SO WHY IS NO ONE HUGGING MALCOLM?!?! The boy is clearly coming apart at the seams. 

5:48 - Malcolm’s reaction to Gil sending him home is gorgeous. He looks sad, betrayed, and resigned. It’s as though he’s convinced himself that the team doesn’t trust him or care about him anymore. He doesn’t walk out angry. He walks out sad and determined. Head held high but eyes full of grief. 

5:54 - I’d give anything to have heard the conversation between Dani, JT, and Gil after Malcolm left the room. ANYTHING.

6:02 - “He thinks I’m a liability.” No. Not exactly. He thinks Malcolm is in the throws of a mental health crisis and that he shouldn’t be responsible for catching his serial killer father. Again. 

6:15 - “I support Gil’s decision. That does not mean I want your father dead.” #coparenting but also, true. I honestly don’t think Jessica wants Martin dead. I think she wants Ainsley and Malcolm to be happy and free from Martin but not dead. She knows that Malcolm might never recover from Martin’s death with all of his unanswered questions and suppressed childhood trauma. She also knows that Ainsley would always resent being prevented from bonding with her father. I think Jessica still loves Martin - well, the man she thought she married. Jessica doesn’t care for Martin Whitly. But she loves the man he pretended to be and even though she knows he wasn’t real - she doesn’t want him to die. I think she wants him to disappear (maybe get transferred to a prison in a different state?) but she doesn’t want him dead. That would make her no better than the serial killer (in Jessica’s mind anyways).

6:25 - “You have become consumed by this Malcolm.” Check out the side eyed look Ainsley gives Malcolm. She’s jealous. Her brother is on the verge of a mental breakdown but she’s jealous of the attention he’s getting from Jessica. I get it - Jessica hasn’t been the best mom to Ainsley. BUT GIRL, gain some perspective. Don’t you care about your brother?!?! That should trump the jealousy for a few minutes at least. 

 6:35 - “I love you.” <3 <3 <3 I’m going to cry. This might be my favourite Jessica+Malcolm moment to date. So precious. 

6:43 - THIS. “I love you. Both of you. More than I hate him.” This is why Jessica doesn’t want Martin dead.....but she also doesn’t care if he lives. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it’s a real thing and if you’ve never felt that way about someone - I pray you never have to. 

7:06 - “Then she’s a victim.” .....I disagree. Capshaw had a (weird and manipulative) consensual relationship with Martin. She has as much of an agenda as Martin (although, Jessica didn’t know that here). Capshaw isn’t a victim. She’s not being compliant with Martin as a form of self-preservation or fear. She’s doing it because she’s a manipulative crazy person who is in love with a convicted serial killer. 

7:45 - I’ve never felt this unsettled while watching Prodigal Son. Capshaw showing her true colours is so so so disturbing. This woman is insane (with all the stigma). The dress. The martini (Jessica’s favourite drink?). The fact that she dressed Martin up in a suit. The music. The weirdly elegant wheelchair. The lovey way she’s talking. It all makes my skin crawl. 

8:33 - OMG. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel bad for Martin Whitly?!?!?! 

9:55 - JESSICA AND MALCOLM doing a rich person ambush tag-team IS AMAZING. <3 

9:57- How sad is this? 23 years and Jessica still can’t walk into a room without people whispering and judging her behind her back. :( This woman keeps her head held high - despite the pain she must be in - she’s a superhero. Change my mind. 

10:30 - "Malcolm Whitly? You're.." I have this headcanon that the general public assumes Malcolm is dead. He changed his last name and fell off the grid. People treat Jessica like a social pariah so she wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise. And sure, Ainsley referred to Malcolm in the present tense during her Surgeon interview but how many people actually watched it actually paid attention to that little tidbit after Martin went full blown psychopath on camera? Plus, no one really cares about the Surgeon's son enough to look him up 23 years later. At least, no one who matters.

11:25 - Like mother, like son. You can't change my mind. They have the same manipulation style. It's justice based and determined. Ainsley and Martin's style? Vindictive and self-serving. 

11:30 - Oh look. ANOTHER CONTINUITY ERROR. WHO PROOFREADS THESE SCRIPTS?!? I CAN’T KEEP OVERLOOKING THESE. For God’s sake. Send copies of the script to fans who sign NDAs or something. At least we know what happened in previous episodes. 

12:33 - "Gross." I'm with Ainsley on this one.

12:45 - "My assistant." "Long suffering". hahahha omg. I love this for two reasons: 1) it's hilarious 2) it's true. Malcolm literally disposed of a body for Ainsley. He's her assistant and he's suffered for it.

13:05 - Yo. This dude is whack. Like this is some serious Stockholm's syndrome going on here. Vivian is his hero?!? .........I can't.

13:55 - Why do the gifts Vivian sends Zeiger look like human bones? Damn this is twisted. This is like some sort of twisted serial killer pseudo-trophy situation?

14:52 - "I don't think Vivian is the victim here. I think our father is." Yikes. This is not going to help Malcolm's mental stability. At all. He's been trying to fully accept that his father is a serial killing monster who was literally never capable of loving him for the past 23 years. BUT NOW our boy has taken the role of 'good son' (prodigal son is you will) and has returned to his 10 year old mentality "I love dad. Dad loves me." and 'dad' is in trouble. Malcolm is trying to save his serial killer father and the emotional and mental hoops he's jumping through are terrifying, complex, and hauntingly realistic. <3 It's gorgeous.

15:04 - "I'm not used to this type of confinement." I love this line because of how deeply it rings true. Martin isn't used to confinement. Sure, he's been chained to a wall for 23 years but he's been relatively happy about it. He's been able to manipulate Malcolm and the other inmates. He's been given TV time, phone time, consultations, books, music, free food, and a massive private cell (seriously that cell is as big as the bachelor's suite I rent for $900 CAD a month). The man has been living a life of luxury (given his crimes). His only 'punishment'? He's stuck inside his cell and he's not allowed to kill anymore. THIS is Martin truly suffering. I kind of feel bad for him (which I never thought I'd say).

15:20 - Damn. Michael Sheen is incredible. He's genuinely making me feel concerned and scared for Martin.

15:32 - Something tells me a man hurt Capshaw in some way throughout her life. This has to be deeper than the whole "I didn't fit into the 'boys club' of surgery". Her issues with men are aggressive and alarming. This woman is nuts. This woman is why I hesitate to call myself a feminist (I generally think we should drop the titles of feminist/misogynist/racist/homophobe... and just treat people with respect. I think the titles and groups just further divide people.)

15:50 - "You're finally free." Yep. Capshaw is a nutcase. She actually believes that she's committed a perfect crime. 

16:09 - This place has virtually no furniture but I’m expected to believe someone is paying the phone bill?!?! Nah. 

17:08 - That. Smile. This woman is a devil. Like, I think I hate her as much as I hate Umbridge. But unlike Umbridge, Capshaw is downright terrifying. 

17:12 - Was anyone else kind of surprised that Martin called Jessica? I mean, I guess she was a safer choice than the cops but still...

17:20 - As creepy and this whole ‘Martin is a victim’ thing is - it’s kind of nice? Like - I just keep thinking “How does it feel Martin?!?! This is how you made your victims feel. Do you like it?” and then I realize I’m a terrible person. 

17:55 - Ainsley’s in on this. I swear, she’s somehow involved with either Capshaw or Martin. 

18:18 - Oh look. Martin is shackled to the bed. Just like Malcolm shackles himself to bed so he can sleep every night. .....I keep oscillating between being vindictive toward Martin and feeling bad for him. That’s what makes this show incredible. The ‘villain’ is human and 3 dimensional. 

18:44 - Oh God. The psychopath is jealous. This woman is UNSTABLE. How has no one locked her up yet?!?

19:43 - She’s crying. She’s actually crying. Even the rewatch of this scene is painful. I just feel so uncomfortable (which was probably the intent) and I hate both characters. They’re both actively trying to manipulate each other and it’s so creepy. Damn. 

20:15 - Holy. Shit. This woman is by far the scariest villain Prodigal Son has given us. 

21:17 - ..............I have nothing to say. My brain has short circuited. I can’t get past how horrifying this scene is. She’s a maniac.

21:57 - No one will make eye contact with Malcolm. :( They all think he’s losing it but they’re not scared of him. They’re scared for him. 

22:10 - “A trusted member of my team has a theory I run it down.” THANK YOU GIL. SUBTLY TELL MALCOLM THAT YOU TRUST HIM. That’s what he needed to hear. He was doubting that anyone cared. :( 

22:45 - “Do you HeAr yourself?!?” Ouch. Gil’s right - Malcolm sounds nuts. Unfortunately, Malcolm’s also right (more or less). Look at how sad Malcolm is - he honestly looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. :( Malcolm thinks Gil doesn’t trust him anymore. Malcolm thinks Gil thinks he’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. SOMEONE HUG THIS LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL.

22:54 - JT, buddy. Not the time. You’re making this worse. :( Malcolm is two breaths away from crying. 

23:40 - “Dani, you up for this? Cause he sure isn’t.” Gil is losing it. Look at him. Gil is watching the boy he considers as his son unravel and Gil can’t do anything about it. 

23:45 - “Either way, he’s going there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” I love Dani for this. Brightwell or not - the fact that she’s willing to chase smoke in an attempt to keep Malcolm from having a full mental breakdown makes her a hero. 

23:48 - JT, hug Gil! He needs a hug! 

24:16 - Martin is screaming while shackled to a bed.....where have I seen this before? 

25:39 - “I did this for you because you needed it.”....”Dani, I respect you.” Excuse me while I go sob in the corner. Malcolm just uttered the words “I respect you.” and my heart exploded. 

26:11 - “You don’t care. None of you care if my father lives or dies.” No, Malcolm, you’re wrong. They care. They all care so so much. Not about the life of the Martin Whitly though. They care about how Martin Whitly will continue to torment you if he’s caught alive. They care about how badly you’ll grieve if he ends up dying. They care about how this will affect YOU. because they love you. 

26:22 - “You would be free.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI! He’d be in enormous pain for a while, but Malcolm would heal. 

26:56 - “Let him go, Malcolm.” <3 <3 Malcolm is listening to Dani. He’s opening up about his fears. This is good (for Malcolm’s mental health). I am happy. 

27:04 - WOW BABY! That kiss was......passionate? I mean, we all knew they were going to kiss (thanks previews) but I honestly didn’t expect a kiss this long or passionate? They’ve both been clearly denying their feelings for each other for a while though so I guess it makes sense?

27:20 - We all know Dani was going to talk about how they could make a relationship work for them and/or how she loves Malcolm but thinks he should focus on his mental health before they start dating. BUT MALCOLM? That boy thinks he just ruined his friendship with Dani and I’m heartbroken. Look at his sad little face. :( 

28:31 - sooooo when exactly did Malcolm’s phone call drop? I feel like Ainsley had more access to the conversation that just what she shares with Dani in a couple of minutes.

29:08 - Look at this sad, scared little boy. He genuinely thinks that saving Martin will earn Martin’s love. I’m heartbroken. 

29:22 - THIS. Malcolm is so desperate for Martin’s love that he essentially consented to being kidnapped, tortured, and potentially murdered. :( This is bad. 

30:06 - Malcolm took unknown drugs from a crazy person. UGH. The stress of loving this unstable man-child is going to kill me. I’m so worried for him. ALSO WHO THE HELL CHEWS PILLS?!?! That’s disgusting. 

30:24 - Dani thinks Malcolm is being a typical guy - terrified of relationships/talking about his feelings. She’s hurt. The Brightwell ship has encountered another storm. 

30:35 - Anyone else get major flashbacks to 1x11 when Gil shows up to the townhouse to tell Jessica that Malcolm’s been kidnapped? You know, when he walks past all the reporters?!

30:50 - Ugh. :( Poor Jessica. That call from Capshaw gave her quite the emotional dilemma. As she said earlier, she loves her children more than she hates Martin. Soooo does she tell someone about the call, save Martin, and let Martin continue to torment her children? Or does she let Capshaw kill Martin, compromise her morals, let her children grieve for a while - but ultimately heal? It’s an impossible choice. 

31:13 - “I know why you’re anxious Jess.” UGH. Get yourself a man you looks at you the way Gil look at Jessica. So much love. So much concern. If Gil wasn’t fictional and I wasn’t asexual (and 24) I would marry that man. 

31:23 - “He has become convinced that his father is a victim in all of this.” Gil is so upset. He’s angry - at Martin for having this much power over Malcolm so many years later. He’s angry that Malcolm is still suffering so much because of his father. He’s upset because Martin is still hurting the people Gil loves 23 years after he was initially arrested. 

31:33 - “There’s no good outcome here Jess.” Thank you. Gil is a man with awareness into Malcolm’s psyche. He knows this is going to hurt Malcolm no matter what happens. He’s scared and he’s bracing himself for impact. I love him. I want more people in the world who love people this deeply. 

31:50 - “It’s okay to hope for that you know.” THANK YOU GIL. THANK YOU. Someone needed to tell Jessica that she’s not a monster for wanting the reason her children continue to suffer to disappear (even if tha means he dies). It’s not a malicious, evil thought toward Martin. It’s a hope for her children’s wellbeing. 

32:04 - “And in my weaker moments, I want him dead too.” <3 I’m imagining Gil praying that Martin is killed by an inmate after he comforts a teenage Malcolm from a nightmare. I’m imagining Gil praying Riker’s finally kills Martin as he watched Malcolm spiral into Martin’s grasp again last year. I’m imagining Gil crying himself to sleep because he’s so damn tired of watching Jessica and Malcolm suffer because of Martin. I love him for it. <3

32:15 - “Maybe things could be different.” .....I’m sorry. Does this mean Gillica is off again?! The flirting and dancing from 2x9 meant nothing?!? It was a hoax?!? I’m furious. 

32:35 - “It’s the actions that matter.” Damn. Gil is too good for the nonsense that is the Whitly family. Doesn’t he know that life isn’t always that simple?

32:46 - Annnnnd now Jessica will convince herself that she’s a bad person because she didn’t tell anyone about Capshaw’s call. She will also convince herself that she’s not good enought for Gil. AND I will cry myself to sleep.

32:55 - That hug <3 Sooooo Gillica is still on? I’m hella confused. 

33:05 - There it is. Dani is still upset with Malcolm. The Brightwell ship is taking in water my dudes. 

33:52 - Wow. He looks pretty in that makeshift hospital bed. Sleeves rolled up. Shirt half unbuttoned. Glazed, disoriented look about him as he wakes from a drugged sleep. <3 I’m in heaven.

34:30 - This is why Malcolm can never let Martin go. There are moments when Martin absolutely convinces Malcolm that he loves him. 

34:50 - “Because he also happens to be my father.” THIS. IS. THE. MOST. REALISTIC. PORTRAYAL. OF. ABUSIVE. DADDY. ISSUES. Take from someone who lived through an abusive Dad. You hate him. You know he’s messed up. You don’t like or respect him. But a part of you will always love him. Even though you hate that part of yourself. 

35:12 - “I want all of you.” .....I’m terrified. This woman is crazy. Crazier than the Surgeon. Is that possible?

36:05 - “You want him to love you. But he can’t.” Have you said that to yourself Malcolm? You know that logically but you don’t feel that in your heart. ....and the writers don’t know that because we’ve seen that Martin loves Malcolm? Sort of? Unless the writers are playing some sort of weird long con on us. 

36:50 - This is whump content I signed up for. This crazy bitch just killed Malcolm. We saw the terror in his eyes. BUT HE LIVES. So. I’m. Here. For. It.

36:58 - Martin’s devotion to Malcolm is so so interesting to me. Martin is a psychopath - he’s not supposed to be capable of love. But he clearly loves Malcolm. How? Why? It makes no sense but I love it?

37:47 - Malcolm’s little wheeze when Vivian starts mitigating the embolism. <3 So cute. 

37:53 - “I can do without the mansplaining.” I’m getting PTSD. There are too many real women who are this crazy about feminism and mansplaining (this is coming from a woman). Martin isn’t trying to ‘mansplain’ he’s scared and he’s trying to save his son. That’s not mansplaining. He’s not explaining something because he thinks Vivian doesn’t know it. He’s explaining something in a desperate attempt to remind her of the severity of the situation. 

38:16 - HOW THE HELL did Ainsley and Dani know where Martin, Capshaw, and Malcolm were? Either 1) Ainsley is somehow working with Capshaw, or 2) they were able to trace Malcolm’s cell (assuming Capshaw didn’t trash it), or 3) Ainsley knew her mom was lying about that phone call and they had it traced?, or 4) this is a convenient plot thing.

38:34 - This bitch is devious and I hate her. 

39:30 - Martin Whitly is the hero of the episode. What alternate reality are we living in?

41:15 - Malcolm struggling for breath. <3 The whumpers are being FED.

41:17 - “Run.” This is 23 years of guilt for turning his own father into the police surfacing. 

41:31 - “Where’s my family?” I honestly don’t know how I feel about this line. It bothers me but I can’t figure out why.

41:43 - This ending sequence is a work of ART. Malcolm is in physical and emotional pain. Dani (without backup) trying to save Malcolm from Martin. The epic music. The shot of Dani seeing the blood-filled syringe next to the makeshift hospital bed+restraints. Martin Whitly. Driving. A. Boat. And. Laughing - completely elated - with Malcolm passed out (and looking adorable) in the aft seating. The fact that the ONLY house you can see on the shoreline is the house the just escaped from. 

THIS EPISODE WAS EXCITING, STRESSFUL, AND WONDERFUL. I’m excited for the SEASON finale and I pray we get a season 3 from a network other than FOX.

[mfbakuhoe]

💥Detention💥 (Bakugou x fem!reader)

_______

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!reader

Genre: Smut

Words: 2.7k

Warnings: smut, lowkey dissing while fucking, public sex, kinda sassy reader

A/N: Ok so I made this...and It took a whoooole turn from what it was supposed to be. So yeah.

Enjoy!

_____________

,,...and think about your behavior and how to handle things like this as an upcoming hero“, Aizawa Sensei said, audibly and visibly exhausted as he looked at you and the annoyed ash blond, two seats away from you to your left.

,,This dumbass shouldn’t have started shit from the get go, if she can’t finish it“, Bakugou grumbled pissy, with his arms crossed on his chest and his narrowed crimson eyes fixed on the wall across from him.

Indignantly, you gasped for air, raising your eyebrows in disbelief.

,,I started shit? If you otto rocket built bitch wouldn’t obsess over me and always tryna argue with me-"

,,Stop it, kids! I don’t have the time nor the energy for that. I don’t care whoever started this, both of you are in trouble anyway!“ Aizawa Sensei mumbled stressed, massaging his temples.

He grabbed his yellow sleeping bag, preparing to leave this room full of tension.

,,I‘ll be back in about two hours. I need peace and some rest. When I‘m back, I want that you already solved the situation and to agree with each other. Got it?“

Silence.

,,I asked, if you got it“, Aizawa Sensei repeated with a pressuring undertone in his voice. You nodded annoyed, turning your head to the side.

,,I got it, dammit“, Bakugou cussed, obviously as unhappy with the situation as yourself.

,,Good. Can‘t believe I have to waste my evening for that.“ With that being said, Aizawa left the classroom, slandering down the hallway into the teacher‘s room.

It was uncomfortably silent in the room, as you didn’t try to waste one glance at Bakugou and vice versa, the pride getting the best of you.

Usually you wouldn’t care about detention with anybody, but the person to your left wasn’t anybody. It was Bakugou Katsuki, your crush since your first year at UA High.

Well, no. He was definitely not your crush, since he is pretty obnoxious and mean, but you couldn’t argue about how attractive he was.

It was something about Bakugou, that made your body feel all hot and tingly when he was around. Something, that made you crave his rough hands all over your body and his pink lips harshly sucking on your neck, while you lightly tug on his hair.

But it shouldn’t be, since it was very obvious to you that he didn’t like you at all. Regardless of his opinion about you, you did your best not to jump on his lap and smash your lips on his.

You shook your head, trying to remove those tempting pictures out of your head, rummaging around your bag, pulling you smartphone out, so you could distract yourself.

Curious, Bakugou gave you a side glance, observing your actions.

,,Oi, dumbass. Put that fucking phone away. It’s against the rules”, he finally spoke, breaking the weird silence.

,,It was against the rules too, when you forced Midoriya-Kun to fight you”, you answered sassy, continuing to scroll around on your phone screen.

Bakugou grumbled in response, probably cursing you. A cheeky smile crept up your face.

Suddenly you heard a squeaky sound, signalizing, that a chair was pushed back, before a big shadow appeared over you. Two big hands slammed on your table, as spiked hair tickled your forehead.

You lifted your head up, removing your eyesight from your screen as your (e/c) eyes interlinked with crimson eyes.

Bakugou’s face was so close to yours, you tried not to gasp for air in surprise as your heart rate went up times 100 in comparison to before.

,,Look, Idiot. I’m not trying to be your fucking friend, alright? I got shit to do, so you better cooperate, so I can leave“, he mumbled dangerously, not breaking the eye contact.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying not to press your lips on his.

,,Do I look like I wanna be friends with sonic the hedgehog? I preferred Shadow anyway“, you said calmly, putting on a poker face as you tried to sound as cool as possible.

You pursed your lips, looking up and down from his eyes to his soft looking lips, trying to keep you hormones under control.

Bakugou raised an eyebrow, as he noticed your moving pupils. As he realized the amount of attraction you felt towards him, he licked over his curled up lips, causing your abdomen to pull together.

,,W-what?“, you stumbled, your voice shaky as your nervousness increased. Bakugou chuckled breathy, causing you to feel highly insecure under his view.

He lowered his head even more, a sheet of paper could barley fit between the two of your faces. Surprised, you pushed your chair back as the grin on his face grew even wider.

,,What are you doing?“, you asked hastily as you stood up. ,,You’re such a fuckin‘ idiot Bakugou. I‘m outta here!“ You grabbed your stuff, ready to rush through the door, before Bakugou grabbed your upper arm pulling you back.

,,Where do you think you’re going, Stupid?“, he asked seriously, his face undefinable, not showing any emotion.

,,I said I‘m outta here!“ Before you could pull the doorknob to open the door, you body was turned around, your back hitting the door.

You hissed in surprise and slight pain. Your eyes met those damn crimson eyes again, as you opened them to get clear about your surroundings.

,,Are you crazy? That hurt!“, you complained, trying to push him off of you but he didn’t budge. You were trapped between his body and his arms, placed left and right next to your shoulders as he towered over you.

,,You can‘t leave until we figured this shit out dumbass“, he grumbled lowly, sending a cold shiver down your spine. Bakugou didn‘t seem angry or annoyed as per usual. He was rather intimidatingly calm and balanced.

,,Wh-why don’t we just tell Aizawa that we‘ve had an agreement. He‘ll surely believe us“, you stumbled nervously as you nibbled on your bottom lip.

,,Because I wanna solve this fucking situation my way“, he mumbled.

You squinted your eyes as Bakugou suddenly lifted his right hand, afraid of him to slap you across the face but you soon relaxed in surprise as you felt his rough fingers tugging on your bottom lip.

,,Did you think I‘d slap you?“, he asked slightly concerned watching you nod lightly. He growled lowly before a grin covered his face.

,,The only thing I’ll slap is that fat ass of yours”, he said amused leaving you in utter shock as you realized what he’d just said.

You ripped your eyes wide open as you understood how serious he was.

,,W-wait we can’t do this!”, you said defensively.

,,Didn’t Aizawa say we’re supposed to solve the situation? He didn’t say how, did he?”

Hesitantly, you began biting your lip again before Bakugou roughly tugged on your chin, causing you to stop.

,,Oi, stop biting your fucking lips off. I still need them around my cock later”, he smiled cocky, releasing your chin.

You frowned. ,,I fucking hate you Bakugou Katsuki”, you hissed before harshly pressing your lips on his. It even caught him by surprise, since he didn’t kiss you back at first.

You thought you had the dominance over him but as soon as he kissed you back, he slid his hand around your throat, lightly pulling you away from the door as he pushed you on the teacher’s desk never breaking the kiss.

Bakugou roughly pushed his tongue between your lips, searching for a battle with your own. Both of you fought for the dominance but he won, grinning larking into the kiss.

Your lips parted before you felt Bakugou placing wet kisses all over your neck, sucking on the sensitive skin. Your legs wrapped around his waist, hansa tugging on his blonde spikes, just as you’d dreamed before.

Feeling Bakugou so close to you felt even better than you’d imagined all the time. His lips were even softer than they looked and the kisses on you neck even more intense than you thought.

His hands grabbed the collar of your shirt, ready to unbutton it, but you stopped him.

,,We don’t have that much time you blockhead. Just fuck me!”, you whispered between heavy breaths. You heard a low throaty chuckle before Bakugou pulled your legs, causing you to lay on your back snd your legs on his shoulder.

You shrieked as his action caught you by surprise.

,,Oi, shut the fuck up idiot or you won’t get anything.“

,,Are you dumb? I can live without dick! You want this pussy though!“, you argued, supporting your upper body on your elbows. Bakugou frowned in annoyance.

,,We only have about 30 minutes until Aizawa Sensei comes back. Do you really think your weak ass could make me cum that fast?“, you challenged even though it was obvious to you, that Bakugou‘s mere existence could make you cum.

,,You wanna challenge me, dumbass?“, he asked raising an eyebrow at you.

,,Sure, stupid ass bitch!“

Suddenly, Bakugou flipped you around, causing you to kneel on all fours, facing the window across from you.

,,Stop twisting an flipping me like a fucking pretzel!“, you complained.

,,Stop fucking complaining. If we had a bed and more time, you‘d look like origami.“ You giggled at his straightforwardness but your laughter muted quickly, as you felt a harsh slap on your ass, only covered by your panties.

You gasped, listening to the slap sound echoing through the room. You felt how you panties were pushed to the side, exposing your already wet folds.

,,Mmh, so wet for me, talking about I can’t make you cum that fast“, he said cockily placing another harsh smack on your ass. You jolted forward moaning in response. You could hear the grin out of his chuckle at your reaction to him.

Bakugou implied to take of your panties, by tapping on your upper thigh.

You tilted your head to the side, looking at what Bakugou was about to do next but he noticed and roughly pushed your face down on to the cold wooden desk material.

,,Are you crazy?“, you mumbled as he still held your head in place.

,,Ass up and face down babygirl.“ You felt your abdomen clenching at the sound of his voice, unable to resist his sassy behavior.

,,Let me get a taste of you, princess“, Bakugou hummed happily, spreading your ass cheeks apart as he lowered his head. Finally you felt his warm tongue licking from your clit to your dampness causing you to let out a long satisfied moan.

Bakugou began to passionately make out with your heat, sucking and licking out your juices and flicking his tongue on your nerve bud, leaving you as a moaning mess.

,,You like that don’t you?“, he asked before humming against your clit, sending vibrations through your body. You simply nodded, to focused on the amount of satisfaction his actions brought within you. You felt your high slowly reaching you.

,,Answer Daddy, bitch”, Bakugou demanded slapping your ass again.

,,Ow!”, you shrieked annoyed sending him a death glare. ,,Shut the fuck up Katsuki! Just do your fucking job!”

,,My job? Fuck are you talking about, Brat?”

You laid your head back down, waiting for Bakugou to continue eating you out, as you ignored his question. Suddenly you felt a big hardness stretching out your walls.

,,Oh fuck”, you moaned surprised as you realized what it was. You didn’t expect Bakugou to be this big although he radiates big dick energy.

His member filled every inch inside of you, causing you to press the air out of your lungs and buck your back at the amount of intensity.

As you adjusted to his size, you waited for him to move but, s you didn’t felt anything moving, making you got impatient.

,,What are you waiting for? Move.”, you whined

,,Oi, bitch, call me daddy first!”, he insisted.

,,Stop calling me a fucking bitch, Idiot!”

You heard Bakugou growl throaty, as he understood you wouldn’t give in so fast, so he finally began moving.

He went relentlessly fast, almost as if he hated you. His sudden roughness didn’t give you any time to clear your mind as you moaned nonstop for yourself.

Bakugou arched your back, intensifying the pleasure for the both of you, causing you to cry out in satisfaction.

,,Fuck, you feel better than I‘d imagined“, he said between his heavy breathing as he continued to fuck you merciless.

As his tip began to rub against your G-Spot it didn’t take you long until you felt your interrupted high from earlier to approach you again.

,,Katsuki, I’m gonna cum!”, you cooed as you began to move your hips to his consistent rhythm. The slapping sound turned up banging through the room in combination with your irregular moans.

,,Oi, beg me!”, he demanded.

,,N-no!”, you stumbled to focused on your upcoming high. Suddenly he stopped moving, again taking the needed release from you.

,,H-hey! Why’d you stop!”

,,Fucking beg me. What do you want, baby?”, he said provoking, scratching on your pride.

,,Come on, Katsuki please!” you pleaded hesitantly. He placed his hands on the table left and right next to your ass, his chest touching the got skin of your butt as his cock still rested inside of you.

You knew he wouldn’t give you what you wanted until you gave him what he wanted first. You sighed needy.

,,Please fuck me Katsuki. I need you to fuck me till I cum. Please!”, you begged embarrassed.

,,Aren’t you forgetting something”, he whispered lowly in your ear, causing goosebumps all over your skin. You knew what he was implying. You clenched you jaw, as your pride got disrespected.

,,Please Daddy”, you pressed through gritted teeth, listening to the low chuckle of the ash blond from behind you, before you felt the reckless pounding continuing.

He pulled your upper body up by your neck, arching your beg for the ultimative feeling for the both of you. Before you even realized your walls clenched around his length, milking all his juices as he poured them inside of you.

Bakugou grunted lowly as he rode both of your highs out, letting go of your neck, causing your upper body to fall back on the desk.

,,Oh my god”, you mumbled perplex as you tried to process what just happened.

,,Guess I won the challenge, didn’t I?”, Bakugou grinned mischievous as he watched you wiping away the mixture from your cum with your panties.

,,I guess��, you smiled uncomfortably as you hopped off the desk. Reusing those panties wasn’t possible now, so you accepted the fact, that you had to walk back without panties on.

Your eyes slid to the clock on the wall, as Bakugou and you tried to rearrange the room to its original state.

As you wiped over the desk, you glanced at Bakugou, who’d casually leaned against the blackboard calmly following your movements.

,,What?”, you asked annoyed.

,,You owe me a Blowjob.”

,,I don’t owe you-“ But before you could finish your sentence, the door was ripped open and a sleepy man in a sleeping bag appeared behind it.

,,So students, I hope you were able to clear any misunderstandings and agreed with each other. With that being said; you are dismissed”, Aizawa Sensei sighed relieved, as he made space for you, implying to leave the room.

Both of you grabbed your things, you rushing pass him first. You felt highly uncomfortable walking past your teacher after what happened on his desk, especially without panties on meanwhile Bakugou seemed unbothered as always.

You rushed down the hall way and as you wanted to turn, a big hand grabbed your upper arm, lightly pulling you back.

,,My room in 2 hours”, he said before he left through the school entrance, leaving you nervous.

Didn’t matter how much you tried to ignore the feelings Bakugou stirred up within you, you couldn’t deny how much you wanted to repeat this experience with him.

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

‘always and forever, lara jean’: a bungled mess of my thoughts while watching the movie

Alright, cards on the table: I never finished reading the book. I got bored a couple of pages in, so I just read up the summary on Wikipedia and called it a day.

Not gonna lie, I expected better from the movies. I loved the first movie; it was cute, it was fun, it hit all the right places. The second movie was… eh. Jordan Fisher is cute, so that’s a plus.

And then we got the third movie; the final in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before trilogy.

And it was somehow even worse.

Maybe I’m exaggerating. Despite its shortcomings in the plot and character development-related departments (the fact that Lara Jean wrote addresses for letters she never meant to send is something that will bother me on my deathbed), the movies have their merits. They’re cutesy and charming and enjoyable, overall; movie-LJ is sweet and unashamedly a girly-girl, which is a refreshing change from the #NotLikeOtherGirls, pick-me girls and bruh girls we had in loads of other YA movies growing up. Peter’s pretty cute, too; he’s not a possessive freak like so many other love interests (The Kissing Booth, After, Anna and the French Kiss), and his and Lara Jean’s dynamic is cute, too. Not to mention- we finally have an Asian lead whose Asian-ness isn’t the whole focus of the story!

Again, maybe I’m being extra with all this. The series is, at its core, solely for entertainment purposes. Not every piece of media has to have an underlying message and you shouldn’t need to read between every goddamn line to find something worthy of enjoying. They’re certainly helpful for whiling away a couple of hours; perfect for bingeing with a pint of ice cream in hand, and all of this is in good fun.

Also, it goes without saying, but: spoilers ahead.

The film beings with Lara Jean scribbling a postcard to Peter while she’s in Korea with her family. The inclusion of that little snapshot of Asian culture made me so happy- seriously, fuck everyone who says diversity in media doesn’t matter. I’m not even Korean, and I was overjoyed at seeing a couple of scenes just from the same continent I’m on. The K-pop music in the background was a fun touch, too (although all Korean music isn’t K-pop, but that’s a rant for another day).

(Also: Blackpink has so many more suitable songs than Pretty Savage that go with the theme of the movies. Kill This Love in the second movie while Lara Jean is getting ready to go to her boyfriend’s match is bad enough- they’re supposed to be in love in that scene, goddammit.)

One thing that bothered me throughout the movies is how obviously non-Korean Lara Jean and Margot look. It’s like whoever chose the cast went for any random Asian- Lana’s Vietnamese and Janel Parrish is half-Chinese, and it’s so obvious. You seriously couldn’t find two Korean-Americans who even vaguely resembled each other so they could pass for sisters? The actresses do a stunning job and I don’t want to shit on them, but I just wish they didn’t go with the ‘all Asians look the same, what’s the difference?’ mindset.

Also, a nitpicky thing I’ve noticed in movies with characters who read a lot: no one holds their books up while they’re reading. Your arms start to cramp, which is why you keep your book in your lap while you’re reading, or you rest on your belly and hold the book in front of you. My spine and shoulders didn’t suffer years of torture as a chronic reader for you to include characters who hold their books up while reading.

A major gripe I have with Always and Forever, Lara Jean is how the characters are almost jarringly out of character- not from the books, but from the two previous movies, too. Lara Jean didn’t have much of a character to begin with, so I can’t say much about her (she dissed Oasis at one point; it’s okay for me to be mean to her), but the rest of them are either caricatures of themselves or just totally different people.

Movie Peter >>> Book Peter. He’s almost too perfect (except for the fact that he unironically loves The Fast and the Furious, which… ew), almost too much of the ideal boyfriend. Not that my perpetually single arse would know. How do boyfriends even work? I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with one; how often should you feed it? Do you need to take it on walks?

(In the notes I’ve written towards the end of the film, I’ve complained about Peter being immature and making Lara Jean feel bad about following her dream to go to NYU. He confuses me.)

Not to mention how distractingly adorable Noah Centineo is from some angles and under certain lighting conditions (other times, he reminds me of the human version of Shrek and that bothered me). King of weird Tweets and Instagram captions though he may be, he’s got a really nice smile, and his gravelly voice is both parts sexy and disturbing.

But I digress.

I’ll never forgive the directors for what they did to Kitty and Chris- two of my favorite characters, from both the books and the movies. Kitty’s annoying to the point of being borderline unlikeable- gone is the occasionally snarky comic relief we all came to love; in her place is an annoying brat whose every line comes out forced. Also, making soap is fun; fuck you, Kitty.

Chris is essentially Dixie D’Amelio’s character from that TikToker Grey’s Anatomy ripoff; the main character in One Direction fanfiction from 2012 who doesn’t want to go to the concert but her best friend gets a ticket for her so she can’t bail but Harry Styles sees her in the crowd and falls in love at first sight and 50k of mutual pining and misunderstandings late, they get together. She’s cynical and snarky and hates capitalism and consumerism and prom (because of course she does), but secretly, she’s into it (because of course she is). My guess is that she’s there to appease all the arseholes (including myself) who accused the characters of being too one-dimensional, but it seems too out of place in a movie that doesn’t have much plot to begin with.

I really, really hate how Lucas was done dirty- throughout every single movie. Of course, it’s Lara Jean’s story so not every side character has to be fully fleshed out- but you’d think three. entire. movies. would be enough to give Lucas a bigger role than the GBF and the token black guy for the diversity brownie points. Every single time Lucas shows up, it’s to push Lara Jean and Peter’s story forward. I would’ve liked to see a romance for him pushed forward instead one for Chris- especially because he says, at one point in a previous movie, that it’s hard to find other gay boys, so it would’ve been sweet to see him find love- and Chris’s character arc could’ve been focused on reconciling with Genevieve. Instead, we see the OG Reggie from Riverdale be the one to show Chris the bright side of monogamy, and Lucas gets a date to prom as an afterthought (another darkskin black dude, so no one thinks the film is racist).

Genevieve’s character in this movie gives me whiplash. Look, I’m all for girls supporting girls- healthy female relationships are something way too many YA movies lack- but she goes from bitch queen extraordinaire to friendly the moment the next scene calls for it. Her character isn’t consistent. A redemption arc should be executed cleanly and believably; you can’t have a character be a total prick one moment and then suddenly be, “Hey, if you get into NYU, let me know,” the next.

And Genevieve’s still an arsehole to Chris; at one point, in NYC, while they’re at the NYU campus grounds (I knew that Lara Jean was going to go to NYU the moment she saw all the banners; I fucking called it), Genevieve tells Chris, “University is for people who actually have a future,” and I recoiled. I’m not the nicest of people and yet that was going too far. Chris doesn’t hesitate to shoot back a, “You peaked in high school,”, but still. Y i k e s. You can’t convince me someone’s turned over a new leaf when they say something like that.

Lara Jean’s dad (forgot his name; gonna call him Dr. Covey) is as unremarkable as ever, and his new wife (forgot her name, too… Trisha? Trina? Eh, something like that) is… unsettling. I mean, I get that they’re all loved up and twitterpatted, but there’s something about all the smiling they’ve got going on that chills me to the bone.

Also, Trisha/Trina kinda looks like TikTok’s ThatVeganTeacher and it bothers me.

Another huge problem with this movie even being made is that the series never had enough plot to continue onto a trilogy. Lara Jean’s letters are what the plots of the first and second movies revolve around; the third only mentions them in passing. The final love letter from Peter was a cute callback, but there’s a massive continuity issue with the first two movies and this last one- both character and plot-wise.

Maybe I’m not articulating this clearly enough, so I’ll use an example: take Harry Potter, for example. Harry’s main goal throughout the series is defeating Voldemort. And it takes all seven books for him to get there, to finally achieve this.

Lara Jean’s goal in the first movie changes midway; from keeping up the façade with Peter so she can avoid the crap with the rest of the letters getting out, to making her fake relationship real. It forms a bridge with the second movie; the letter that went out to John Ambrose, and her dithering between Peter and perfection (I’m not sorry). But what does the third movie have to do with any of this?

There were way too many music montages. You couldn’t go five minutes without a random pop song playing in the background, and it was annoying as hell. Don’t Look Back in Anger was w a s t e d on this stupid film. The artsy scenery shots were even worse- no, I don’t give a fuck about the New York skyline or a bird’s eye view of whatever vehicle Lara Jean is in. A few shots of Seoul would’ve sufficed; the rest was overkill. This movie is way too damn long already (almost 2 entire hours!!!); cut out a couple of those. No one cares.

I thought they’d pull the whole Aladdin trope with character-A-keeps-trying-to-tell-character-B-the-truth-about-a-lie-B-believes-in-about-A-but-B-keeps-interrupting, but Lara Jean (typing her name out is annoying, why couldn’t she have a single name, like both of her sisters?) comes clean earlier than I expected. Peter’s reaction about LJ not getting into Stanford is… uncharacteristically mature? No “Why did you lie to me?”, no accusations, not an ounce of betrayal. Which I did not expect from a guy who’s a little bitch for the greater part of book one (I really don’t like Book Peter, in case you couldn’t tell). I know fuck-all about book three’s Peter, so I can’t tell if he really did adopt this mature, well-adjusted persona, or the movie did it to make Peter seem like less of a dick (like they did it with the sextape-that-wasn’t-a-sextape in the first installment).

On a sidenote, how do these main characters in YA books get into really good colleges with zero to no visible effort? These arseholes fuck around for the entirety of the story and have way too much going on to actually do schoolwork, but they waltz into Ivy Leagues at the end. And apparently, I’m not the only one bothered by this.

There’s something to be said about how the movies don’t really sexualize minors (characters who are minors, to be fair. None of the MCs look anything like teenagers), though. It’s almost weird to see them not getting drunk and partying and having sex all the time. Maybe that’s why Lara Jean trying to get her hand on Peter’s dick felt so stilted and awkward (I cringed so hard when she kept trying to touch him and he kept pushing her hand away, holy shit).

And the kissing. It’s to be expected from a romance film, but there was so. Much. Kissing.

The amount of product placements (… actually, I could count only two: Apple and a pair of Beats headphones Lara Jean puts on at one point, but the movie shoved so many iPhones in my face that I’m obligated to exaggerate) would’ve made anti-capitalist Chris mad.

I’m guessing this all takes place in a parallel universe, sans the coronavirus. Still, being in quarantine this past year and being socially awkward for every other one, it was agonizing seeing everyone so close together in NYC. When Peter kissed the ball (lol) (I have the sense of humor of a straight boy in middle school, don’t judge me) when him and Lara Jean go bowling, I had a visceral reaction. And what are the odds of Peter meeting his estranged dad at the very same bowling alley?

Speaking of Peter’s daddy issues (I’ve written “Hardin but diluted” in my notes; I watched this movie at, like, 1 AM; I’m not entirely sure what was going through my head at that point)- I hated how they guilt-tripped Peter into giving his father another chance. In the wise words of Hannah Montana, everybody makes mistakes- but leaving your wife and two kids for another woman is pretty far from a little oopsie on Mr. Kavinsky’s part. I don’t blame Peter for hating him, and I’m not in a place to judge whether Mr. Kavinsky (does he get a first name?) should be forgiven or not, but I feel like they let him off too easy and made Peter seem like a misunderstood teenager with anger issues for not accepting Mr. Kavinsky’s (crappy) apology at once.

And it adds nothing to the story at all; Mr. Kavinsky peaces out after having one (01) coffee with his firstborn, and he’s never seen again. If you’re going to introduce a subplot, make it tie into the main storyline- the very least you could do is make it an important enough part of the story to have more than 10 minutes of the run time. It makes no sense as to why they’d bring up Peter’s dad in this last film, when he’s already gone through two perfectly fine. I guess it was a ‘tying everything up’ part… even though no one cared.

Lara Jean’s handwriting is surprisingly ugly for someone who’s written that many love letters. And her styling took a definite nosedive; her outfits in the first movie were so effing cute, but now they’re just… meh.

There are so many conversations and lines that the writers must’ve thought sounded good enough for someone to type out the quote in curly font and slap it on a screenshot from the movie to post on Instagram, but when it comes to the actual delivery, they just sounded… weird.

Peter says one time near the beginning of the film, “You know what I’m looking forward to the most in college? Never having to say goodnight,” because he expects him and Lara Jean to get into the same college.

But I guess the word they should’ve used was ‘good-bye’, because this just makes him sound stupid.

At one point, Lara Jean asks Kitty how much Kitty’s gonna miss her when she goes off to college, and Kitty says, “A four.” Later on, she confesses, “I’m gonna miss you a twelve, Lara Jean,” and all I could think was, “But we’re endgame, Archie!”

(In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t let people know I’ve watched Riverdale; it lessons my credibility.)

Still, there remains some good to be found: all the baked goods looked very delicious and made me crave chocolate chip cookies. Peter wearing the socks Lara Jean gifted him at the beginning of the movie was a cute gesture, and Lara Jean giving Peter her teal hatbox? The one she kept her love letters in? Was so? Cute? Help?

And hey, it’s a cliché that’s been done to death, but I’m always a sucker for that part in movies where the girl walks down the stairs in a pretty dress with her hand on the banister and the boy turns around and his mouth falls open and all he can say is, “Wow,”- and this film did not disappoint! Not to mention how cute both Lara Jean’s and Chris’s prom dresses were.

Dr. Covey and Trisha/Trina’s wedding was cute, too- I struggled to decide whether Kitty wearing a necklace that says ‘feminist’ and a tux is a bit too on-the-nose, but I’ve decided that it’s nothing to get my knickers all in a twist about (for clarification: it’s not the necklace or the crossdressing that made me debate this; I just wish they didn’t make a big deal out of it- I wish they didn’t have Kitty and Lara Jean get into an argument about her not wearing a dress, if that makes sense?).

And the final letter- the one from Peter to Lara Jean- I ate that shit up; it was so, so, so cute.

In conclusion (why is it so easy for me to crank out 3k about my thoughts on a Netflix movie and yet when it comes to English Lit. at school, I’d stare at a blank sheet of foolscap for ages?), did I enjoy the movie? Not really. There were parts of it that I liked, but it was overall too boring and I kept wishing I’d watched the new SKZ Code episode instead every few minutes.

But that doesn’t mean that it was bad. I kinda feel a little sad, actually, now that Lara Jean and Peter’s story has come to a close; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, the first movie, is one of my favorites, and bitch though I might about them, the kinda grew on me… like an innocent plant, at first, but then like a fungus. Not a parasitic fungus, just not mutualistic, either… kind of like a commensal.

Maybe I should stop with the biology similes.

[my-arlington-academia]

The Sweet Elite characters as tarot cards

Ooooookay! This is something I wanted to do for a while now (totally not because I'm a huge persona nerd) but yeah, my understanding of tarot cards is really basic and limited so don't take this too seriously! I just thought that it would be fun to make.

--------------------------------------------------

Scholar: The Fool/ The Jester/ The Madman (number 0 or XXII but most times without a number)

Obviously, as the main character, Scholar is the one going on a journey. The Fool is often portrayed as wearing ragged clothes and carrying a small bag with their belongings, showing that they're going on an adventure. The card represents freedom, madness, inexperience and chaos.

Here the description is pretty self-explanatory. I think it's easy to see how Scholar fits this card 👌

Alistair: The Sun (number XIX)

Well, another obvious one! The Sun Arcana is often portrayed as a child or children playing in a field of sunflowers under a blazing sun meaning that their innocence will be replaced with knowledge. The card represents optimism in difficult situations, hope, happiness, discovery and accomplishment.

Now we can make the joke that Alistair is literally a ray of sunshine! 😂☀️ (Not that anyone ever doubted it.)

Axel: The Star (number XVII)

I swear I'm not making these puns on purpose! But since Axel is literally a rock *star* the card does fit him...

The star is often portrayed as a woman with one foot on the ground and the other in water (which is apparently a metaphor for the conscious and unconscious mind) and the star shining above is her core essence. The star in itself can allude to a person with great influence, a star shines above it all but is fated to fall one day. Thus, the Star Arcana represents self-confidence, loss, faith and peace.

Claire: The Empress (number III)

This one may seem weird but when I looked more into it, I realized that The Empress Arcana fits Claire a lot!

The Empress is often associated with the goddess Venus in Roman mythology (and Aphrodite in Greek mythology.) The Empress is seated on a throne in a field meaning that she looks after nature, she also wears a crown meaning that she's the one ruling over nature, not only growing it. The Empress Arcana represents motherhood, romance, life and fruitfulness.

Basically, Claire is like a mom rather than a cold-blooded queen. She just looks after the people around her and that's why the Empress fits her.

Ellie: Fortune/ Wheel of Fortune (number X)

Okay, this one was hard to choose. Believe it or not but at first I gave Ellie the Death Arcana. Though it doesn't mean literal Death but rather starting anew I kinda didn't want to give that card to her since her biological parents are dead... thus I went with the Fortune Arcana instead which is surprisingly similar to the Death one but much more light-hearted!

The Fortune Arcana is portrayed as... Well, a Wheel of Fortune. The card represents opportunity, fate, luck and success.

The reason why I chose this card for Ellie is because even though her parents' death was unfortunate, that bad luck brought her good luck too. If her biological parents hadn't died her dads wouldn't have adopted her and from what we've seen so far, she always says that she's really happy with them and that they're great parents. The Fortune Arcana is all about big changes through luck, be it bad or good luck.

In the end, I'm happy that I changed her card to Fortune because while the Death card also means a new start, that new start is achieved through the end of something else. But in the case of the Fortune card, that new start is achieved through a particular event involving good or bad luck. In Ellie's case, I believe it was both.

Karolina: The High Priestess/ The Popess (number II)

This is another odd one, isn't? Karolina sure doesn't look nor sound like a Priestess 😂 But like with Claire I looked more into it and that card does in fact suit her I think.

The Priestess Arcana is most times associated with Pope Joan, a woman who pretended to be a man in order to become the Pope. It is unknown if she really existed but it is said that the church was so ashamed of their "mistake" that they tried to get rid of all records that had Pope Joan in it. Unfortunately, it is said that she was stoned to death because of her "betrayal".

The High Priestess card represents power, passion, wisdom and tenacity.

Karolina is really headstrong and she's the type of person who would be able to do anything to get what she wants. Thus, I believe that the Priestess fits her.

Neha: The Lovers/ The Twins (number VI)

This one took me a while to find but after thinking for a bit I think this card fits Neha after all.

The Lovers card is often portrayed as a naked woman and a naked man standing before eachother. While the card is in most cases seen as a sign of an irreversible relationship, it is said that sometimes the card doesn't even have anything to do with a romantic relationship but rather having to make an important choice which will lead you to two different paths in life. That's why the man and woman in the card are often separated by a crossroad. The two paths can represent the "right" way and the "easy" way, that's why the decision is so hard to make between those two roads.

The Lovers Arcana represents trials to overcome, beauty, failure and love.

I chose this card for Neha because I think that she's the kind of person who has a hard time choosing between her feelings and her logic. Between the right path and the easy path. I may or may not be completely wrong about this one. There's maybe another tarot card that would fit her better but I thought this one really suits her.

Raquel: Justice (number VIII or XI)

This one is easy to see! Raquel was really vocal about her anger and really protective when the whole Nakano scandal happened.

The Justice Arcana is portrayed as a King or a Queen holding a sword and a balance meaning that they will punish whoever breaks the law. The card symbolizes a strict trial of justice. It represents objectivity, rationality, equity and triumph.

Finally a simple one to explain! At first I was considering on giving her the Strength Arcana but I like Justice better for her. It might be a stupid reason but I think that the Justice Arcana sounds cooler than the Strength Arcana 😅

Tadashi: The Emperor (number IV)

I legit wanted to try and give him the Death card somehow to keep up with the trend of "haha, you like bullying Tadashi!!" (Which is not wrong but sshhh!🤫) The Death Arcana just didn't fit him in any way I think. I mean, you could say that when his father was arrested and he broke ties with him it could be seen as a new beginning for him and a big change in his life. However... to apologize for all the time I treated him like shit I decided to give him the Emperor Arcana (which sounds really cool, right?) Also, this card really fits him so I'm happy with how it turned out!

The Emperor is portrayed as... Well, an Emperor (duh) sitting on a throne, he's often associated with Mars, the god of war in Roman mythology. However rather than mindlessly going to war, he's considered to be a guardian who fights for the peace of its people. That's why The Emperor Arcana represents fatherhood, compassion, stability and protection.

But of course, to diss him just a little bit, The Emperor Arcana can also mean that maybe you're trying too hard to look after everything, you have a strong desire to control everything in your life (which is obviously impossible to do) and that mindset may or may not end up with you giving trouble to the people around you.

Yep, it sure sounds like our mister student council president 😂

Tegan: The Hermit (number IX)

Oof, okay. I'm not totally sure how to explain this one but you'll see that this card suits him.

The Hermit card is portrayed as an old man in a dark place or on a cliff carrying a lantern to illuminate his surroundings. The card represents introspection, inner guidance, prudence and wisdom.

Basically, the way I see it is that Tegan is someone who helps others from behind the scenes. He never puts himself on the spotlight however he's a really smart and driven individual. Kind of like a candle in the dark if we want to go into cheesy descriptions 😂 But yeah, he has a great value and he often does his good deeds in the background so he's seen as a support even if his place in the team is really crucial he rarely takes credit for it. (Probably because he does his best to turn the attention away from him 😅)

Tyler: The Moon (number XVIII)

And finally we have Tyler! Oh godddd I love him 😭💗 Anyway, here goes.

The Moon Arcana is portrayed as a wolf and a dog howling at the moon, they symbolize our fears in the conscious and unconscious mind. The card represents inspiration, illusions, fear and creativity.

From that conversation we had with Tyler in chapter 8 I think it's pretty obvious that he has some self-confidence issues. He's scared that he isn't good enough. He's constantly comparing himself to others and doesn't see how amazing he is 😥 But of course there's also the creativity and inspiration part which hints to his talents in the fine arts 👌

--------------------------------------------------

Aaaaand that's a wrap! This actually took me longer than I expected but I'm happy I did it! It makes me feel like I was productive today even though I didn't finish my homework... yet.

[heavymetalchemist]

Who’s ready for a barely-edited unhinged somewhat drunken rant to my friends about Jiang Cheng?

ME: okay so here is why jiang cheng is THE BEST and I will fite anyone who doesn't like him. first off when we first meet him he is obviously supposed to be a dick, like I didn't like him at first either, I was like "what the fuck is this guy's problem" but O MY FRIENDS do we ever find out what his problem is.

here we have this guy who we see is very talented, very strong, cares a lot about doing A Good Job and his appearance. oh yes Jiang Cheng cares so much about his reputation and this is portrayed as kind of a weakness/flaw, which isn't totally inaccurate. But WHY is he like this?? Because his parents suck essentially

like the whole part where he's like "my dad doesn't like me because he doesn't like my mom" is super telling because do we ever see in the show any affection shown to jc from his parents? basically like twice: the one time his mom hugs him and he's like O_O omg mom is hugging me???? this has never happened what do???? which, oh no baby

and then when he is having his golden core transplant and we see the flashback to when he was a CHILD. like the one time with his brother and sister and parents and they are happy and smiling and calling for him to join and he sees his little child self running... and then TEARS OF BLOOD OH NO

so basically like, his dad sucks for being strict with him and not really fathering him at all, his mom is basically straight up abusive. he never gets shown affection by ANYONE except for Yanli and Wei Ying. So obviously those are his two primary relationships.

but the thing is he wants that parental approval SO BAD. that's why he has all this pressure to be like, the perfect clan leader's son, the perfect young cultivator, etc etc. Literally any flaw will be pounced on by his mom or just ignored by his dad. Like he's just trying to get his dad to acknowledge him and his mom to maybe not yell at him?

meanwhile wwx is just dicking around and being contrary and like, jc wants that. It's why he's always with him. It's why he's there with the Party Room at the cloud recesses having the alcohol with huiasang, it's why he's always by wwx's side, and it's why he makes that comment, when have I ever dodged a punishment with you?

like he's incredibly fiercely loyal to wwx because even though he has this inferiority thing, especially since his dad really IS kinder and more affectionate to wwx, wwx is the one person he can depend on

like yanli is obviously an emotional support to both of them and basically a surrogate mother, but she's not anywhere near their level of cultivation and he's like, obviously we must protect her. like what can she really do to protect either of them? so they both take it upon themselves to protect her

like I don't know how much you saw of the anime or whatever R but in that one/the novel the scene where Jin Zixuan disses her is way harsher

R: :gasp:

ME: and jc wants to punch him and wwx shoves him out of the way precisely because he knows that he, wwx, can be the unruly child and fuck up

R: I haven't watched past the first episode of the anime yet, and in the show it's ?????

ME: so he is protecting jc because jc would END that guy for attacking his sister

oh yeah they want to fucking kick his ass

R: But wow, yeah in the novel it's really clear that wwx is like 'I got him'

ME: like wwx is literally protecting jc because he knows that would cause all sorts of interclan drama. I mean he also wants to fuck the guy up too but the thing is that wwx always trusts jc to do the right thing. out on the night hunt with the wen clan when they have no swords and he goes to help lan zhan? he's like, I gotta it's the right thing, and jc is all like, you gotta worry about yourself? like wwx just goes off because he knows that jc will be fine on his own. he trusts his strength

we see it later in the cave with the slaughter xanwu (sp) where jc is the one who goes swimming and finds the exit and leads people out, and he's like desperately trying to get wwx out and is all I WILL COME BACK FOR YOU

but wwx is like, nah jc will definitely get us help. it's only a matter of time. NO DOUBT. AT ALL

MARLOWE: WALKED TO YUNMENG AND BACK

NO REST

NO CREDIT

ME: and jc is basically constantly like I love you but you keep getting into these situations, and you don't understand that I would fucking die for you. because what would I do without you???

because like he's one of the only two people who shows that he loves jc. and of course jc doesn't know how to like, express love back, because his parents are awful, and it's constantly about looking good. any flaw is pounced on. so he hides it behind this aloof sardonic demeanor, and we see it later when he's constantly like, I'll break your legs to jin ling, and then jin ling is like, pft he's never even touched me

because it's that kind of just, I care about you so much and I don't know how to say it because I have been taught that openly expressing emotion is weakness and I have to shut the fuck up

so instead he hides everything behind this whole *scoffs* face. but you constantly see that he is totally loyal to wwx. he's so worried when he starts getting haunted. he doesn't understand why wwx, who always supported him, who SWORE that he would be his main disciple and main supporter, who would be the lan zhan to his lan xichen, is suddenly not carrying his sword and acting weird? and he's like, I have basically no power, our whole clan got murdered, I'm coasting on the lasting goodwill and good name of the jiang clan and doing my best, and you always had my back even with your sass and... suddenly you're cold to me? he disappears for three months

THREE MONTHS

HE IS SO WORRIED

he's looking everywhere along with lan zhan

they FIND HIM

he's obviously super haunted

but then jc HUGS HIM

which is this huge, like, he actually initiates physical contact

he breaks that aloofness because he is so happy and relieved

and wwx DOES NOT HUG BACK

LIKE

MY HEART BREAK

R: oh noooooh jesus

ME: so then the whole thing with the wen clan but like

R: :cries tears: oh no

ME: he's all okay so I betray you, and jc is like, but, you swore you'd be my guy. and at first it's like they are still in touch though right

R: yah like on the down low

ME: like, I can't protect you from other clans, so wwx is like okay we will say I left so that way the jiang clan doesn't get blamed for this. so wwx is still protecting jc

R: nrghg in the show that line is the worst I was just ack yes

ME: but jc doesn't really have the power to do anything to help him except support him secretly. like the whole thing where yanli is gonna have a baby and it was jc's idea to have wwx give him the courtesy name, but he doesn't want to admit it because again he just. can't. express emotion. because like imagine him trying to have an emotion at his parents. SHUT DOWN. so he's still just struggling to express anything to anyone really and this is another one of those gestures that he loves wwx. but then the super haunting happens right, and wen ning kills Jin Zixuan, and jc is like

YOU SAID YOU HAD IT UNDER CONTROL

and it's because he TRUSTED him totally, because wwx is his brother and loves him! but he has just hurt the one other person he loves, yanli

R: He's trying so hard to just keep a hold of him just a little oh my god

and he's always been this like...gosh flawed but also flawless?

ME: and he doesn't know what to do because the thing is he's always had faith in wwx's skills, he never would have thought that he would lie to him or betray him but now it's like, fucking haunted. murders the husband. then shows up and yanli gets killed. and yeah yanli dies actually protecting wwx but the thing is jc is like

YOU HAD

ONE JOB

PROTECT YANLI

because that's what they did as brothers. because that was like, their mom, you know???? like their affection mom??? so jc has lost his sister and also his brother, and has NO ONE

R: the one who actually made them food and gave them hugs T_T

ME: and of course he like, loses his shit and is like GO TO HELL because, his entire world has crumbled

R: yes T_T yes T_T of course

ME: he had two people to count on and one is dead and the other betrayed him by causing the other to die, by not having his back like he SWORE, and this is basically the only person who ever demonstrated that he was loved at all. if he doesn't have that what does he even have?

but like, IMMEDIATE regret

we hear about the constant hunting for his body, trying to summon his soul, the single minded dedication to finding him, because what's killing him is of course he regrets his part in wwx's death, but also - why? why did his brother, who he trusted more than anyone, who trusted HIM, who always believed in HIS skills, and HIS dedication, unlike his parents, who he was never good enough for, why did he betray him? like.... you know he's basically sitting there: was it something I did? was I not good enough for you?

you see it with the jealousy with lan zhan. you discarded me for the amazing hanguan jun? WHY AM I NEVER GOOD ENOUGH

and so he's obsessed with trying to get that closure. he Has To Know. and at the end he finally gets an answer. all the weird behavior, the haunting, not having the sword, going everywhere with wen ning as bodyguard - because wwx made the ultimate sacrifice for him - he gave him his golden core. and like, how could... how could anything ever compare to that

like he's crushed because that all happened because he gave himself up to save wwx, and got his core crushed, and was tortured, but he had to save his brother! THE ONLY FAMILY HE HAD LEFT. THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVED HIM. not to discount Yanli but... not the same. just not the same

so he's been sitting there this whole time going: I got my core crushed for you, I was tortured for you, I almost lost cultivation forever for you, and you threw me under the fucking bus, and then he finds out that no, he was good enough the whole time. like, what could wwx possibly give lan zhan that would ever top that, honestly? it's the ultimate affirmation that his relationship with jc WAS important and DID matter and he DID love him. and then he finally gets his apology for how wwx doesn't have his back and just, TEARS FOREVER

CRIES IN FRONT OF EVERYONE

FUCK ALL Y'ALL I AM GONNA HAVE AN EMOTION

and then does he tell wwx about how he got his core crushed? no. because it doesn't matter now. because all that matters is that he knows that wwx loved him. and for once, it's not a competition. he finally knows it's really, truly mutual

and even though there's all these years of bitterness and misunderstanding, like, suddenly he can look back and have the feeling of "he really never stopped loving me" and suddenly he's not so totally alone any more

R: Oh. *OH* I wondered why he didn't tell him.

ME: and NOW all I want is for him to give Jin Ling a goddamn hug

yeah if he told him... it would feel like that one-upmanship again. and I think that jc has finally realized he's good enough. and he doesn't need to do that

R: :flaps hands::flaps hands: it makes sense

ahh

that was the missing piece for me

oh gosh ahh

ME: GROWTH

R: growth!!!!!

ME: but yeah like, jc was literally just sitting there like, what the fuck, I would have died for you, I almost DID fucking die for you, and you turn around and won't wear a sword to support me so that we look like a strong united front with these other clan leaders?and yes, meng yao was right - he should have stood up for wwx and been like "yeah whatever he can do what he wants" instead of acting doubtful. but of course he was doubtful. does wwx even ever touch him after he comes back totally haunted? like definitely not in the same way. I'd have to go back and see

but he's sitting there like, I don't understand! and he can't express himself, and wwx doesn't help because EVERYTHING IS A FUCKING JOKE. WHEN IS HE SERIOUS. WHEN IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS

so jc is like... has it been a joke the whole time? have I been a joke to you the whole time? and that's the catharsis at the end - nope. not a joke. it was real. it was really, really real. you were right to love him and to trust him. all this bad shit, it's not like wwx is innocent, but it WASN'T him. he gets his apology, but more importantly he gets the affirmation that he's really loved and deserving and good enough. and that's like, what he needs the most

he's "parenting" jin ling this way because it's what his parents did to him and he became a good cultivator, so, like, yeah, but also because he wants everyone to know that jin ling is Good Enough, and this is the best way he knows how

SO

THOSE ARE SOME OF MY THOUGHTS

HOPE YOU ENJOYED

MARLOWE: So many feels T_T

Hug all these boys

R: oh gosh your thoughts are wonderful that moment at the end and he's just like 'ah' gnrghghg T_T

ME: RIGHT

like he just looks after wwx and lz, and thinks back, and has a little smile because like, no it was worth it

imagine how much that must have haunted him. like, "I got my core crushed for you! and you betrayed me! I should have let them take you!" but feeling SO TORN because how could he NOT protect his brother? and finally being able to feel okay with that decision for real

R: ahhh

:clutches heart:

MARLOWE: On the way home he spontaneously hugs Jin Ling

Who thinks he’s being strangled or murdered

ME: O_O

WUT IS HOPPEN

IS FINALLY TIME OF BREAKING LEGS X_X

MARLOWE: YES EXACTLY

Jin Ling’s spirit leaves his body

ME: yes

R: ahahaha just a little ghost right out his mouth

ME: then jc is all like

lets him go with a shove and scoffs

pft

let's go

stop standing there with your face like that

MARLOWE: T_T uncle

R: ahaha oh no

ME: but yes also jc cares like so so much and is just constantly doin his best

like yeah he's competitive and a perfectionist but also the jiang clan got wiped the fuck out and in "present" timeline it's still one of the four most powerful clans!he did that!he's harsh and arrogant but skilled and fiercely loyal and obviously cares about making sure that the jiang clan's reputation is as impeccable as possible and you can see how loyal its members are to him. like all these disciples aren't from nowhere. they all had to come in y'know? because so many were murdered by wen fucking chao. and as strict and harsh as he is like, I can just see him being an extremely dedicated teacher, doing his best to make every cultivator in his sect as good as possible

unlike certain assholes who may have totally deserved death by gangbang

MARLOWE: what

ME: what?

MARLOWE: that took a sudden turn

ME: jin guanshan or whatever is a douche fuck that guy

if we're talking clan leaders

just saying

R: XD

MARLOWE: OHHHH

ok i'm back on board all is clear

ME: did you forget

about

death by gangbang

because it's a Real Plot Point

R: OH

THAT GUY

OH MY GOD

MARLOWE: I JUST WANSN'T EXPECTING 'DEATH BY GANGBANG' AS A SUDDEN TURN IN YOUR DEBATE POINT

R: :cackling:

MARLOWE: passionate and thoughtful defense of jiang cheng's virtues as a sect leader

unlike some people and their death by gangbang

[h3l10tr0p3]

Headcanon: Deku, the Serial Shipper

Contains- Mentions of sexual activities, established relationship - Bakudeku; Crack pairings- TodoIna, JiroMomo, UraTsuyu, UraTenya, DenkiSero, Kirimina, platonic Kiribaku etc.

(Beware- Long post)

Jesus Christ, I just had this HC and now I gotta spill, otherwise I won't be able to sleep tonight. Here's another annoying Long Post for y'all)

Deku, as a Pro Hero and Katsuki's Duo Partner, has a pretty hectic life since the media are crazy bloodhounds, the villains are a pain in the ass, interacting with fans becomes exhausting at times, and the critics are demons wailing for his blood.

Yeah, very hectic. And on top of that, there's very little time to relax. Most of the days he sneaks some solace in the gym, if he can buy more time he likes to read and immerse himself in his notebooks and research. Fighting Katsuki to blow some steam is a last resort to shed off weeks of frustration and only reserved for off-days or desperate times - because something like that inevitably devolves into gratuitous rough sex or worse, day-long fuck-a-thon. Not that Deku doesn't enjoy it, he simply doesn't have the time to indulge and he knows Kacchan doesn't either, so they try to keep their hands off each other unless the occassion begs for much-needed violent release.

But sometimes, you just want instant relief. Sometimes Deku just wants to kick back and relax like a normal person, go on the internet, without everyone hounding him for a piece of his mind.

So he does.

Under Anonymity.

Et viola @allmight9000 comes alive on several media platforms including Tumblr and Twitter. At first, Deku masquerades around as a hardcore All Might fan fighting anyone who dares to diss the retired Symbol of Peace . But since his retirement, his popularity has gone cold, not many heated debates take place around him anymore and as sad as this makes Deku, he decides to discover new venues.

Now, Deku knows there's this dark void of fanfiction lurking on the net and there's no escape from it should he ever set foot into it. He is also aware of the dark things that beckon him from the sewers like Pennywise the Dancing Clown (eg. All Might/Endeavour, Hawks/Endeavour, All Might Bowl, All Might/ Hero Harem, All Might/Midnight, All Might/Aizawa/Present Mic and so on), things he should rightfully keep a safe distance from. But this is fucking Deku we are talking about- ofcourse he dares to dip his foot into the murk of fanfiction.

For science, he thinks, and takes the plunge.

It all goes downhill from there.

One day, Katsuki comes back from his shift to find Deku face-planted into the sofa, he hasn't eaten lunch, hasn't bathed and is claiming trauma, repeatedly insisting that he has sinned and he is going to hell for it, then he shakily holds up a 367k word fic of Villain Might/Endeavour. Katsuki has to slap him back to his senses. Later that night, Deku calls up Toshinori and asks him for forgiveness, when Toshinori asks him worriedly, 'For what?', Deku assures him he DOES NOT wanna know.

After obsessively going through various tropes and completing every Enemies to Lovers / Mutual Pining / Unrequited Love fic there is (and there is a lot, Deku hates himself every day for it), waiting torturous weeks for dead authors to rise from the ashes for a teeny tiny update, Deku finally gives up his small lake of unfulfilling All Might ships (because frankly it's hard to find a fic that suits his tastes and convincingly fleshes out a love story around a man who has pointedly avoided romance for the better part of his LIFE or a find a fic which is COMPLETE) and sets out into the sea of Ships.

Bad Idea.

Very VERY Bad Idea.

(We know it, he knows it. Katsuki is the only one who is blessedly oblivious because he chooses not to wade into Deku's mental shit and compromise his own sanity.)

Strangely, Deku has come to take an odd satisfaction of returning to fan mentality of shipping two people without restraints (rarely more than two)-it's simple, senseless, easy. It gives his head a break from all the overanalyzing it does and gives him a small dose of endorphins when he cant work out, eat out or fuck out the frustration. He was adverse to it first, since these are strangers trying to ship two random people (people he is friends with), and it was unsettling to find so many people shipping them when they've BARELY had any interaction in canon real life! What's the premise of shipping them at all? He just didn't find any allure to it back then. So he kept his reads under fluff and under mature ratings because he feels uncomfortable reading smut about his friends.

But Deku had a 'Oh my God they were ROOMMATES' moment when Jirou and Momo announce that they are dating to the U.A. Alumni, that too after reading a really fluffy Creati/Earphone Jack fic which accurately referenced their public sightings together and spun it into plot-points quite masterfully. ( the author did a real good job on it) And the most horrifying thing about the fic, Deku finds, is the fact that NO ONE, not even the AUTHOR knows how correct they were in their estimates! No one except Deku.

That realization shakes the foundations of Deku's beliefs and morality as he wonders how many fics out there , sfw or smut, requited or unrequited love, enemies to lovers or lovers to strangers, fluff or smut have come so so close to the truth, been so damn close - like an alternate course of their love-story? and WHY IS NO ONE GIVING IT MORE KUDOS?

This is how Deku ends up being the most irredeemable Shipper of the universe- with a mission in hand:

To curate proof of all valid ships and to supply aforesaid proof of it to the world (as subtly as he can of course, so as to not compromise his own identity or the privacy of the Shipped.)

He begins to scour through the net for paparazzi photos, indulges in gossip, pries out information of who is dating whom from his Hero contacts, authenticates it, creates folders and subfolders of photographic 'proof' (they are just teasers really) and whenever anyone writes a fic that comes anywhere close to the real thing he makes sure to tag them in his tumblr/twitter post with photos which basically pour gasoline over their fiery passion to continue dreaming and writing fics around those Ships. Like:

You wrote a fic of Fluffy Iron Fist x Real Steel? Here you go- an obscure pic of them leaving her apartment together

Uravity x Ingenium and Uravity x Froppy? A love triangle that could possibly end in heartbreak?!! Damn, sistah, who knows? (She's confused too, imho) So here you go- Uravity getting tipsy with Froppy and Uravity snuggling to Ingenium under the rain.

One-shot of Chargebolt x Cellophane getting frisky in an alley? Honey, I gotchu. Here's a pic of them arriving at a villain scene together with dishevelled clothes.

All Might x Endeavour Slow Burn? My dear friend- here's a picture of the Symbol of peace roasting marshmallows with Shouto on flaming Endeavour merch. Please don't make me block you.

All Might x Midnight? Here's a pic of my mom, me and my Dad AllMight. Midnight, Who binch?

Celsius (Shouto) x Gale Force Stripper AU? Oh, hey, look I'm totally that one lucky guy who was in the right place at the right time, okay? I dont know these guys personally, OKAY? Not. At. All. But I have some Opinions™ about your fic? and pics to support it. Just wanna show you that maybe...i mean...MAAYYYYYYBEEEE...the stripper is Galeforce, not Celsius? Yeah? Don't worry though, You're doing good. Love the slow build, keep up the good work!

Deku becomes a sensational fic-writer-enabler and often gives inspiration to writers who are looking to write for a new fandom. Deku's got their backs.

He sinks so deep into this Shipping business that one day Katsuki catches wind of it. It was becoming painful to keep ignoring Deku's descent into madness. Katsuki was okay with it as long as the nerd did his job well and fucked him even better (which Katsuki will never admit to enjoying, even at gun point. Pull the trigger, you coward). So, yeah, Katsuki could have accepted all of Deku's weird stalkerish behaviours (even if they weren't fixated on him all the time anymore and the 'Kacchan, sugoi!' comments had plummeted drastically....who needs the shitnerd to validate his worth, right?! Right...it didn't make him pissed AT ALL. because admitting that would mean he enjoyed it, WHICH HE DID NOT, MIND YOU)

What Katsuki couldn't accept was Deku accidentally using his official Hero twitter handle to post a very platonic (but in the eyes of rabid fans- borderline homoerotic) pictures of him and Eijirou and posted it as #Ground_Riot. The fucking flood of Zeku-haters and pro-GroundRioters had the comments section on FIRE. The post goes VIRAL.

Deku, fucking DEKU, the man who is secretly ENGAGED to him, is promoting GroundRiot like NO ONE's business and HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID WRONG.

Katsuki finds Deku happily puttering around their shared apartment completely oblivious to the PR hell that has been licking at his heels. He immediately attacks Deku's account and is completely gobsmacked. Lo and fucking behold- every fifth picture in his blog is fucking GROUND RIOT.

Not just that, apparently, THIS MAN, his fucking FIANCE, is not only a renowned peacemaker in inane Ship wars, but is hailed as a Soothsayer of Ships for always correctly prophecizing "Ships that will Sail into the fucking Sunset', he is basically some minor god in the Hero fandom who is extorting excitement out of fic writers and fans alike so that 'the crime of incomplete fics' can be eradicated once and for all. And Deku's fucking commited to it.

(perhaps more commited to Ground Riot than his own betrothal because there isn't A SINGLE POST of ZEKU on his blog)

There's even a post where he answers an ask from anonymous. The question: "Are you also anti-Zeku? I have never seen you post anything related to that ship. Is it because you think it won't Sail?" And Deku answers shortly how he isn't explicitly Anti-Zeku, but doesn't like the idea of reading fanfics of that ship. He clearly witholds his opinion if the ship will sail or not. Katsuki also finds the chat which started all this shit.

Chat-

Hey! @allmight9000. I wanted to write a GroundRiot fic? Could you give me some inspiration?

Aww, sure! It's my favourite Ship tbh. I love GroundRiot. I have a whole gigabyte of inspirations in my laptop. I'll send you some when I get back home, okay?

Yup!!! I am actually a hardcore Zeku fan. But recently my friends got me into Ground Riot and I am addicted!! But Zeku will always have a special place in my heart <3

I see. :)

Do you wanna try it out? I know you mentioned you don't like it. But I know some REALLY good fics.

No thank you ^_^ I make it a point to not read those fics. I just can't visualize it working, you know?

Oh...np. Each to their own. But I really hope one day you try reading some if you can?

I don't think so ...😅...uh...but..Any preferences for your inspiration though? or genre youre interested in?

Fluffff!!

Haha, okay! Look out for the new post on my twitter!

YASSS!! Love ya!

You too!

Katsuki sees red, he's about to flip his shit when he decides to give Deku one LAST fucking chance to explain WHY THE FUCK is he promoting Ground Riot when he should be shipping Zeku and demands of him if he really wants their Fucking Ship To Sail Or Not.

Deku gets defensive and says of course he does. Katsuki asks why he has been trying to push him onto Eijirou all this time if he wasnt serious about it. Deku doesnt want to answer. Then Katsuki gets fruatrated and asks WHY the fuck didnt he post Zeku.

"Because I don't want to support it"

"We are literally fucking engaged, you moron. What the FUCK do you mean you don't support it?!"

"I support Us, Kacchan! I just don't wanna support Zeku-shippers! Those two things are different!"

"WHy dont you wanna support them?! tHere is No Difference!"

"There is! I am not obligated to do anything for you. But if I admit to shipping Zeku out loud to the shippers, then I'm obligated to post pictures of us and I know that if I start posting that then my blog will literally be a flood of just Us all over!!"

"What is WRONG with that?!!"

"WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED IN SECRET! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW! you said it yourself! That you don't like the useless yapping of reporters about your love-life where it isn't their business!"

"YEAH? WELL FUCK THAT!"

And Katsuki whips out his phone, takes a selfie of french kissing the hell out of Deku and immediately posts in on his twitter. Deku has hardly reeled back from that intense kiss when he realizes what Katsuki has done and he practically explodes in shame.

"Kacchan!! Our secret!"

"Your fucking fault, Deku. If I have to deal with the shitty extras at all, it better be for the right Ship, you dumbass. I'll punt you straight to China if I hear Ground Riot from your mouth ever again...capiche?"

"But I like Ground Riot...It's a valid ship, Kacchan. You cant diss on it just like that. It has wonderful scope, and the fluff in this ship is AMAZING. I think I have a soft spot for Uke!GZ and Soft!GZ now... and it is a really mutually productive ship unlike- hrmff!", Katsuki shuts him up with a smack to his mouth and sheds his shirt.

"Shut your mouth and strip, shitnerd. I'll fuck the Ground Riot out of you. Also, let's make this fucking clear that if you mention ANYTHING that goes anywhere near Eijirou's dick,ass, balls or mouth", Katsuki shivers, "then I'll wreck your dick, ass, balls and mouth. Remember that. Now STRIP"

"But what about platonically? That's a solid ship, right? Right, Kacchan? Also It doesn't mention Eijirou's- fuck!!!"

Deku gets wrecked thoroughly.

(Let's observe one moment of silence for his Shipping ass 🙏)

(r.i.p. Deku)

Katsuki later asks him why Deku doesn't read Zeku fics either, cause pretending to not like it to weasel out of obligation is fine, but it doesn't explain why he refuses fo read any either.

"A fic, especially the ones that I like, always are these perfect little stories which always have a happy ending. Can't help it, I'm weak to it, Kacchan- it's why I read fics at all, you know? For the rush of happiness and feels! It's always written with the intention that it will be perfect! And it is. But it doesn't come close to the real thing. There can be fics out there that come really close to what we really have though - but I refuse to accept that any fic could be better than the imperfectly perfect things I have with you, Kacchan. No matter what anyone insists, what I have with you is perfect to me. You are perfect to me. And that's all that matters."

Katsuki calls him an incorrigible sap and turns away to hide a violent flush that turns him red like a stop sign.

Omake:

Katsuki's #Zeku goes Viral too. But at this point no one understands what is going on or WHY. Because GZ appears to be a Zeku shipper when Deku is a GroundRiot shipper. Confusion abounds. Zac Efron memes agonize over Both ships, Captain America Japan Civil War Memes make a comeback. And for some reason, Deku keeps posting Ground Riot afterwards too and everytime he does, the next day he is seen limping.

"Did you have a hardtime with Zero-san at training yesterday?"

Before Deku can answer the one who asks him that, Eijirou comes up, winks and answers in his stead, "Very hard", and runs away to Mina's side before Deku has a shame-filled meltdown.

(The Ground Riot thing stops only when Mina and Eijirou get finally married.)

[letscuttothefeeling]

season three episode one

Okay everyone, Siesta Key just ended and I must say – I’m overall VERY pleased with the premiere of Season 3. Even though I know everything that’s happening in this season because I created a reddit account specifically for access to a thread dedicated to all things SK, and because they posted everything that happens on the Siesta Key Instagram, I was still shocked by one thing: how much I enjoyed the episode. Let’s cut to the feeling.

Fade in. There he is – the mystery man I’ve been dying to meet – SCOTT. That’s right, Fabienne’s husband. You may know him as Juliette’s Father. Chic French queen Fabienne and confused husband Scott congratulate Juliette on her graduation from FSU and suggest she become an attorney. Juliette has plans of her own – retail. They look elated. After making a weird sex joke to her Dad, and having visible difficulty adjusting to her new veneers, Juliette has graduated, the scene is over, and I am feeling great about the season.

If you’ve ever watched SK, you know three things for sure. 1. Juliette is a hideous crier. 2. Canvas’ Mother has a complete lack of understanding when it comes to parenting. 3. Kelsey and Juliette do NOT get along. UNTIL NOW! It’s very exciting to see their first scene as not only friends – but also roomies! Even though Kelsey’s bizarrely shaped eyebrows, over plumped fake lips and orange spray tan make me feel like she must have NO real friends, because certainly, they wouldn’t let her butcher her appearance so thoroughly, she and Juliette seem to get along swimmingly by talking mad shit about Chloe. We love to see women supporting women by talking shit about other women.

Chloe, you minx! Chloe pulls up to Alex’s mansion in a Bentley toting about ten designer bags and a serious attitude. After she explains to his mother that she’s taken it upon herself to pickuppe some “luxury” clothing items for Alex in Sarasota, Florida, even though he’s quite literally in EUROPE, she also *subtly!* drops that he’s left behind his personal credit card for her own use. Weird brag, but more importantly: cha-ching! After talking shit about Juliette to a grown woman, they switch the conversation to Madisson’s new man. Queue Malibu by Miley Cyrus. Ma-jor props to whoever created the playlist for this epi.

After a stunning underwater montage from Florida to Cali, we see aspiring model/actress Maddison walking into a dinner date. Even though Chloe’s just gabbed to Alex’s mother that Braddison is no more, I still half expect BG to pop up and hold the door open for Madi. Just kidding, I don’t, because the producers of this show spilled quite literally every twist before it aired. Wait, speaking of producers – who is Madisson on a date with? Oh, it’s “ISH”, the FORTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD, BALD, AND OVERWEIGHT FORMER PRODUCER OF SIESTA KEY. Unlike Juliette’s father, Scott, I’ve met Madisson’s Dad before, so it’s not immediately apparent to me as to why she has serious Daddy issues. I’m hoping the root of this unfolds during the season. Ish, or “baby” as Madisson calls him, (again, he’s 46, so I’m not sure “baby” is the most fitting nickname, but to each her own) decides it will be totally normal to jet back to the key and surprise the children he used to exploit the cast with the announcement of his new relationship. I can’t wait.

Okay, we’re back at a dinner date – but a much more age-appropriate one between Juliette and her new man, former bachelorette contestant, Robby. I’m not a bachelor franchise fan and unfortunately for Robby, I’m NOT a Robby fan either. He’s not hot and he’s not cool. That’s literally it. Discussing this further would be a waste. Oh, it’s worth noting that new roomies Chloe and Madisson also meetuppe during this time to discuss Madisson and Ish. (Mish, if you will. Some prefer Dadisson.) Thank you, Chloe, for reacting to the news in a very relatable way by chugging alcohol and hiding in your clothing.

Um, who is this hottie emerging from a PJ? It’s the fabulous Cara, with a new nose! Normally I love to hate her - she has that je ne sais quoi – but right now, I just love her. Removing your nose job bandages on film is the kind of 2020 realness I need in my life. Enter G BABY! We’ve missed you and your utter lack of awareness, Garrett! But the love birds aren’t exactly happily reuniting – there’s def some tension in the air. Uh oh! Cara immediately becomes annoyed that Garrett both broke her heart AND kept his lips shut about her new nose. Poll – would you rather your boyfriend intentionally squeeze your fat as fuck thighs, or neglect to comment on your surgically enhanced face? The choice is yours.

While Juliette’s graduation party is great, if Alex doesn’t throw a start-of-the-summer rager, I’m suing MTV. More specifically, I’m suing YOU, Gary. Anyways, as Juliette and de ghurls are getting ready for the party, Juliette’s asked who she likes boning more – Boring Robby or shrek Alex. She hesitates for a moment but then says Robby. I take that pregnant pause as a confirmation of what I’ve known all along – Alex is great in bed and that’s the only reason Juliette was obsessed with him. (Edit – this has been confirmed on her Instagram story.)

Cut to: Cara, G baby, and Cara’s new androgynous and likely lesbian friend, Victoria, getting drinks. I don’t know what’s more confusing – the fact that Cara claims Victoria is her best friend or the fact that Garrett continues to piss Cara off by defending Kelsey while she incessantly brings her up.

Party time! But it wouldn’t be a party without Chloe intervening in something that has nothing to do with her in an attempt to destroy Juliette’s happiness. While wearing a Kentucky derby inspired hat/headband, nonetheless! Chloe and Amanda sit down with Boring Robby the second he arrives to grill him with some genual questions about his “intentions” with Juliette. And I can’t help but immediately think of that scene in Twilight when Police Chief Charlie Swan pulls out his shotgunné to intimidate his daughter’s 108-year-old vampire soul mate. Thank you, Catherine Hardwicke/ Stephanie Meyers, for this image.

At this point, I have to question Chloe’s sexuality because I can’t think of a single other reason as to why she would be so invested in Juliette’s relaysh with Robby. Is he a “phony”, simply using Juliette for fame? Maybe! But aren’t they all kind of doing that anyway? It’s like, they’re on a reality show for God’s sake. After Boring Robby says absolutely nothing of interest, (read: BORING Robby,) something actually exciting happens. Kelsey slithers over to publicly flirt with G baby in an attempt to piss off Cara, and it totally WORKS! Nice!

The second Cara sees Kelsey and G baby talking, her eyes fill with fire and she almost burns her new nose off. It’s funny that she portrays herself as such a sophisticated, cosmopolitan gal, yet she’s so blatantly insecure about trashy Kelsey and Garrett, the braindead body of meat, talking about absolutely nothing. Stop slumming it and start dating Zaddies like Madisson!

After Garrett tells Kelsey that Cara has banned him from talking to her, Kelsey marches up to Cara, grabs her by the hand, and you just KNOW the rumors are true – World War III is HAPPENING! Kelsey and Cara immediately establish that they’re not each other’s “kind of person”, and then Kelsey tells Cara that she can’t wait for Cara’s “life to explode.” Cara fires back with the ULTIMATE diss, claiming that Kelsey doesn’t even have her GED! We find out this is, in fact, not true via Instagram, thanks to Kelsey’s iconic photo of none other than GARRETT holding her on her graduation day. Okay, high school level educated kween! Go off!

Pls note caption

Here’s the thing: I dislike Cara and Kelsey, both for entirely different reasons, but IMO, Kelsey won this round. Cara came off as insecure, psychotic, and just plain mean! Cara, a word of advice? Stop gallivanting around tacky Florida and return home to America’s Kingdom – New Jersey.

 Pay close attention everyone - we’re almost done and you’re about to witness reality show television HISTORY. And it is a BAG. OF. WEIRD. After Boring Robby buys Juliette a trip to Greece, Madisson and her new Dad man walk in, and EVERYONE IS SHOOK. Seriously. The cast is genuinely shocked. Please note their faces when Madisson and Ish waltz into Juliette’s grad party hand in hand. Arguably the most thrown off person of all, of course, is BG. He hastily confronts his former producer, and refers to Ish’s relationship with his ex as a “bag of weird.” Honestly, Brandon, I have to agree with you. And so does literally everyone else in the world.

After Brandon huffs, puffs, and exits, everyone gets over the initial shock of Madisson’s upsettingly old “boy”friend and the episode winds down. But there’s one twist. We learn via Chloe’s texts that Alex is on his way back from Europe. Probably wearing all the luxe clothes Chloe shipped him from Siesta Key. Because who trusts European clothes, am I right? Anyways, something tells me that Boring Robby doesn’t stand a chance once Alex touches down on the Key. But we’ll have to wait until next week to find out.

Fin

[shurisneakers]

espresso [1]

Summary: In which your best friend’s brother begins to set you up on dates when you mention that you haven’t been in a relationship in years, but things don’t go as expected.

Warning: a lot of swearing

A/N: hi :))) this is my entry for @bithors writing challenge! Thanks for the huge extension, k <33. Also, huge thanks to @samingtonwilson for being my beta reader and reading the same draft like 3 times. Unfortunately I love you, Taal.

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Espresso Masterlist

College wasn’t easy.

It was actually pretty shit.

“A whorehouse full of caffeine zombies and nervous breakdowns.” As Rebecca once put it, the filter on her vernacular seemingly disappearing the moment she left her mother’s radar. “And you and I, friend, are in the smack middle of these hormonal beasts.”

Rebecca Barnes had no concern for her dressing sense or her family’s reputation of being polite and proper.

As she trudged beside you in her worn out sweatpants and a pink hoodie, her white converse dragging tiredly across the ground, she was a sharp contrast to your jeans and normal sweater.

It was a chilly morning, but there was a smile on your face because the beginning of autumn at college wasn’t actually that bad. The air was slightly cold, the trees looked beautiful and the warmth of coffee in the morning was something you’d come to love.

You weren’t exactly excited about college, but you would rather not have to write “Please” on the “Why should we give you this job?” part of your application. You were just as sleepy as Rebecca, but you handled it better seeing as you had one of the best roommates ever who let you sleep in for five more minutes.

“I just don’t see why I was forced to pick classes in the crack ass of dawn,” she grumbled, eye bags seeming to hold the weight of the world. 

“From what I remember, you only picked morning classes because you thought you had to compete with James to assert your dominance.” You quirked an eyebrow at her amusedly, as she groaned.

“Listen, first of all, it’s too fuckin’ early to diss you, so here’s a fuck you. Second of all, don’t call him James, it’s so weird. You’ve practically known him your whole life; just call him Bucky like everyone else.”

She tugged the hood of her hoodie over her head and pulled on the sleeves to cover her fingers. You already defended your choice of clothing in the morning, saying that you preferred to feel the sharp coolness of the air before it turned too cold.

You loved Rebecca. Honestly, you did. She was extra as hell, had the mouth of a sailor and quoted Vine references like an English major could quote Shakespeare. 

Too bad none of them could be used in her law course. 

“I know, but-” you began before you were cut off by a sudden push from Rebecca. You nearly tripped before her hand tugged you back into place, preventing you from hitting the tiled floors.

Jesus fucking Christ-

“Ah, here’s my favourite piss goblin and her best friend! Good morning, ladies. How’s the first week of the second year treating you?” Bucky’s cheerful grin as he ruffled his sister’s already messy ponytail made you laugh while she swatted his hand away.

“I’m the piss goblin? Remind me who was the one who peed their bed every day until they were 10?” She narrowed her eyes at him, shoving him away, only to earn a chuckle from him. “Egotistical ape-”

“The first week’s going okay, barista boy,” you interrupted her before she got more graphic, tearing his gaze away from her and to you. You noted the way his hair was sticking up slightly after being messed up by his cap, and the small stain on the corner of his sleeve that he didn’t seem to notice.

“I told you not to call me that,” he whined, removing his arm from around his sister’s shoulders as she squirmed furiously away from him. He sighed before ignoring her altogether.

“You called me Mario for six years straight,” you responded with a grin, sparing him a sideways glance. You wondered if he was feeling cold under that plain white full sleeved t-shirt because his nose and the tips of his ears were slightly pink. 

“Still does, sometimes,” Rebecca piped up, unable to keep the laugh out of her mouth at your indignation. You narrowed your eyes at Bucky who looked away quickly. 

“You promised you wouldn’t tell, snitch!” 

“Don’t you have some American McFrappegrande- or whatever they’re called- to make, barista boy?” she retaliated, earning a huff from him.

“Your face is a-”

“If you both don’t shut up right now I’ll cut off both your arms and beat you both to death with them.” You stepped in between them just as he opened his mouth to spit something equally senseless. 

“Geez, you’re full of fire today, Johnny Storm- ow, fuck, what was that for?! Have you seen that guy? It’s a compliment! He can flame on my ass anytime he’d like.” Bucky rubbed the part of his arm that you punched, glaring at you.

These were the people you willfully chose to hang out with on a daily basis.

“Anyways, you know Thor right? The one who got fuckin’ hammered and nearly lost an eye? He’s having a kick-back tonight at his apartment. Not a party, more low-key. I thought you both might want to come.”

“Is Natasha invited too?” Rebecca murmured, adjusting her bag straps over her shoulder.

“Of course. The more the merrier.” Bucky winked at her. She just rolled her eyes.

“I guess. You’ll drive me back to my dorm, right?”

“Do I fucking look like-”

“Alright, here are our respective stops. Please fuck off now,” you announced loudly. “Have a good day, infants.”

“I’ll see you there, right?” he asked hopefully, walking backwards while facing you both.

“Yes, you mosquito fucker, you’ll see us there.” Rebecca rolled her eyes again, shaking her head.

“Awesome.” He grinned before turning around and taking off in the opposite direction. “Have a great day, Mario! Go fuck an orange, sis!”

The both of you shared only English and while you personally enjoyed the class and the creative liberty it allowed you, Rebecca thought it was the next worst thing since Joss Whedon.

“What were we supposed to read for this class? I don’t even remember,” Rebecca asked drearily, stepping into the large room.

“We were supposed to read something?”

___

Thor was the exact opposite of what everyone expected him to be. With short cropped blonde hair, blue eyes and the impressive height of Wreck-It Ralph, he is the nicest human being on the campus.

His apartment ceilings often had fairy lights strung across it, he had numerous potted plants thanks to his shy roommate Bruce, and each wall was off-white in colour.

Thor and Bruce were fucking pure.

All of you were gathered in their living room, some a little tipsy and some who were sober. Sam, Thor, and Bruce were on one of the couches, Nat and Rebecca were on the floor where Rebecca’s head lay in Nat’s lap and Steve was draped across the armchair with Peggy half lying on him. Wanda and Bucky were the designated drivers for the evening, but Wanda took a grand total of fourteen minutes before she grabbed a beer as well. Having no other place, the three of you were shoved onto the last couch with you in the middle.

“Dude, Professor Cage was there today as a substitute. His biceps were bigger than all my hopes and dreams,” Sam groaned, dropping his head into his hand. “He could like, strangle me and I’d thank him.”

“Gamora, though,” Nat added, shaking her head. “She’s a fucking badass.”

“I swear, Professor Gamora owns my whole ass. I would literally die for her,” Rebecca declared to the raising of a couple of bottles. “It isn’t fuckin’ fair. “How can someone be so smart and good looking at the same time?”

“I think I’m best qualified to answer that, sis.” Bucky grinned, earning a snort from you and a few laughs.

“You are, without a doubt, the ugliest fucking thing I have laid my eyes on, James.”

“There is a mirror in your room for a reason, Rebecca. Use it sometime.” He took a swig of his beer, tipping his jaw up as a sign of smugness.

“I’ll shove that mirror up your ass so that maybe you can finally see how deep your head is in there, Bucky,” she grumbled, to which Nat laughed, continuing to thread her fingers through Rebecca’s hair.

It was around 11 and the earlier part of the evening had been spent in eating pizzas, or anything you could get your hands on really. There was a debate about whether the colour changing dress or the Yanny-Laurel shit was more annoying (which Sam ended up winning, for some godforsaken reason no one could remember) and the excitement had worn off so there was just a comfortable silence hanging in the air.

“Does anyone want to play truth or dare?” Steve asked from the couch, his voice muffled by his girlfriend.

“No.”

“Fuck you guys.”

“Been there, done that, wouldn’t recommend,” Peggy said, shrugging. He poked a finger into her side, making her jump and curse at him, but retreating back to her original position with the hint of a smile playing at her lips.

You stared at them, head tilted. “You guys are disgusting. Feel like ’m going to vomit glitter.”

“Just for that comment, truth or dare?”

“Oh, fuck me in the ass- dare.” You threw your hands up, spilling some of your drink onto Bucky who winced. You immediately mouthed an apology that he shrugged off with a smile, an amused expression on his face.

Everything was hazy and little funnier and happy. You liked it.

“I dare you to eat that bug on the wall over there.”

“Truth.” You ignored his statement, nodding your head at him.

“Fine, would you eat that bug on the wall over there?”

“Never have I ever.”

“That’s not how this fucking game works-“ Steve shot up as loud laughter cut him off. “I hate you.”

“I can live with that,” you said, shrugging.

“Bucky, truth or dare?” Bruce offered, shooting Steve a half smile who instead returned an appreciative nod.

“Truth,” he said lazily but smiling albeit.

“Most embarrassing moment of high school?”

“Um,” he paused, eyebrows furrowing, “I-I’m not sure-“

“Oh, how about the time Y/N walked in on you writing a love letter?” Rebecca raised her hand helpfully, only to be met with a glare.

“Jesus, Becks!”

“That was a love letter?! To who?!” you exclaimed, twisting your body to look at him.

“Nobody!”

“Liar! I remember that day! You nearly jumped out the window so that I wouldn’t see it.”

“I am not answering the question.” Bucky huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Spoilsport,” Thor called out only to receive a middle finger.

“Tell us who the special person was, James,” you sang, leaning your head on his chest, laughing.

“You tell us the guy you were hung up on the entirety of high school,” Steve fired back in defence of his friend, a smile on his face. Your body immediately stiffened up before you forced yourself to relax.

“It was no one,” you mumbled, sitting up straight. “I’ve been single all through high school.”

“Didn’t you date-“

“I’ve been single all throughout high school,” you say loudly, hoping to get your point across. Fuck, one of the reasons you joined Becka as she moved across half the country was to avoid this exact scenario.

“Well, shit-“ Sam’s eyes widened “-we need to get you laid.”

“Who said I’ve been lacking in that department?” You raised your eyebrows, feeling Bucky shift under you before returning back to normal, except wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“Damn.” Peggy whistled, chuckling to herself. “How about a boyfriend?”

“What about one?”

“Don’t you want someone to have that cheesy college romance with?”

“I gotta say it isn’t on my top 3.” You shrugged, downing the rest of your drink before standing up. “Besides, there isn’t anyone on this campus who is dateable. Maybe if there was someone, I wouldn’t mind. It’s getting pretty late, so we should probably get moving.”

You avoided everyone’s gazes, and instead offered your hand to Nat who waited until Rebecca moved to pull herself up and dust herself off. Wanda had already fallen asleep, so Sam offered to help carry her back to Bucky’s car, which Bucky accepted.

After a round of quick goodbyes, the five of you got into Bucky’s car. Sam and he were roommates, as were Rebecca and Wanda.

“Bucky. Play Africa by Toto.”

“I will not play that godless song in this car.”

“Lil’ bitch.”

After fifteen minutes of ridiculous arguments, he finally dropped Rebecca and a half dead Wanda to their dorm building and rounded the corner to yours and Nat’s.

As Nat got out and you stepped out behind her, you turned to say goodnight to Bucky and Sam, finding them finger wrestling over the radio controls.

“Bye, guys. Drive home safe.” You nodded, shutting the door behind you.

“Mario, wait!” Bucky called out, making you spin on your heel to look at him. He had half his body out of the car window, looking at you over the roof of his car.

“I can- I can help you out if you want,” he said loudly, half shrugging.

“With what?” you asked, confused.

“F-finding someone who’s- you know- dateable. If you want.”

You stared at him blankly. You hadn’t considered this possibility when you said that.

“Why do you want to help me?”

“Because I care about you?” he said incredulously. “You’re like my little sister. Of course I’d help if you wanted it.”

That made sense. You’ve known Bucky as long as you’ve known Rebecca, including through his teenage emo phase, his high school jock phase, and his mature college phase and in that time you both helped each other equally, even though your only common link was his sister.

“I don’t want you to feel like I'm forcing you or anything, I just thought-“

“How?” you interjected, tilting your head.

“What?” His eyes widened comically as he leaned forward slightly.

“How are you planning to help?”

“Oh. Oh. Oh okay, yeah, um, I’ll tell you tomorrow. Meet me at the coffee shop?”

“Alright barista boy,” you agreed, giving him a half smile that he reciprocated. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Awesome,” he breathed out, a grin growing on his face. “Awesome. Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Night Mario.”

You waved at him as he popped back into the car and started up the engine before turning around to walk back into your building.

“Is that such a good idea- you know- considering the circumstances?” Nat’s voice broke the silence. She had her hands wrapped around her torso with a small look of concern on her face, her red hair slightly out of place because of the wind.

“What circumstances?” You knew what she was talking about, you just didn’t know how to answer it.

“High school. With him. Shit, Y/N, you were torn up for over a year-“

“It’s fine. I’m over it. It doesn’t matter now,” you interrupted her, shaking your head. You began walking towards the building, ignoring the beating of your heart.

“Are you sure?”

“Postive.”

Part 2 

[akatokuro]

The Inevitable StS Rewatch, Episode 36

One of the most truly pressing issues in Saint Seiya canon: why the fuck is Milo like this?

- I SEE THAT SAGA SENSED THAT AIOLOS WAS TAKING A BATH, SO HE FELT THE NEED TO JUMP IN TOO! and thus a meme was born

- Uhhhh, Saga? I know you probably had a crush on Aiolos at all, but... really, dude? ????????

- AND HEEEERE HEEEEE ISSSSSSSS

- Milo's ridiculous ego is on full display the second he opens his fucking mouth. No "what's going on, Pope?" or "How may I serve you?" but "WOW, POPE, FOR YOU TO SUMMON A GOLD SAINT! (DID I MENTION I'M A GOLD SAINT, BECAUSE I AM.)

- MILO. ALL HE FUCKING DID WAS ASK IF YOU KNEW ABOUT THE SITUATION. What is the need for you to add "heh, not that I care, since I'm so awesome, just so you know!" Yes, a lot of Gold Saints have pretty overinflated egos - yume and I actually thought about it, and we're pretty sure Camus is just about the ONLY one who doesn't pull some form of smug "heh, a Bronze trying to fight a Gold? lmao, and also, rofl" but Scorpio Milo is... something else.

- Ikki working for Sanctuary at first still feels really weird and ill-fitting. Well, fortunately, it's not really dwelled on that much, so it's easily ignored! That's one of the good things about there being no real Saint Seiya canon... <_<

- In a way, though, it is certainly fitting that Milo's scene here is our first proper introduction to a "Gold Saint", because Milo certainly thinks he is THE Gold Saint in a lot of ways. It drips from the way he responds to everything. "Measly Bronze Saints, they must be crazy, lol!" It's actually really interesting to think he was originally planned to be Hyouga's master. Like, in some ways that really fits - Smugswan had to get the smug and the overinflated sense of ego from somewhere, and it sure as hell wasn't Camus!

- It's also sort of interesting because Kurumada pulled the switcheroo on the basis of "oooh, ice/water themed signs, oooh!" But even at this stage, Milo definitely has a very, very different personality than Marshmallow Saint Camus. What would he and Hyouga's hypothetical encounter have looked like, really...?

- I'm not trying to imply, by the way, that Milo's sense of egotism is solely about straightforwardly boosting himself up - because it's not. It's intertwined with his perception of Saint honor and what it means to him to embody that, which becomes clear in how he deals with Camus, Hyouga, and Kanon respectively later on. It's also intertwined with a negative five thousand debuff to his intelligence stat, but, you know.

- I love Saga just sort of ignoring Milo going WHAT? A BRONZE BEATING A SILVER? RIDICULOUS, I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING! and continuing to exposit. Saga, why the fuck did you summon Milo of all people here to deal with this in the first place? I mean, not only would leaning on Aphrodite, Deathmask, or even Shura make infinitely more sense, but... it's fucking Milo. Did your bath-bonding with Aiolos rattle your judgment temporarily?  

- And right back at him, Milo basically brushes aside poor Saga's exposition to go "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BOTHERING THE GREAT KONO MILO WITH THIS BULLSHIT, POPE? REALLY??? KONO MILO, THE GOLD SAINT???"

- Saga begins to realize his terrible, terrible mistake and cuts off Milo in the middle of his bitching, but Milo ignores him to continue whining.

- See, it'd be one thing if Milo suggested that the situation bore more investigation, or perhaps these Bronze Saints were being misled so they shouldn't be so fast to jump to the execution option, but no. It's all about his fucking pride.

- Saga is getting so edgy and short at this point and oh my god I cannot believe Milo is still fucking trying to argue with him THIS IS THE FUCKING POPE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

- Like, yume and I utterly lost our fucking minds at Milo blowing off Athena to haze Kanon when we were re-watching the Hades OAVs, but oh god it is extremely fucking consistent with this characterization here

- Poor Saga. "LOOK, THEY HAVE A FUCKING GOLD CLOTH, OKAY!?!? JESUS CHRIST WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT GET APHRODITE TO DO THIS"

- okay okay i know it's because lol seat of the pants kurumada making shit up as he went along and was promptly retconned out because it makes no sense but i will never stop laughing at milo being shocked that there are twelve gold saints. WHAT??? NOT JUST SCORPIO AND SAGITTARIUS???? WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED???? THEY COME IN, LIKE, A SET????

- Kanon pretending he's Sea Dragon is the funniest moment in Saint Seiya, but Milo's spectacular intelligence debuff is also a consistent point of hilarity.

- Shaina's crush on Seiya might be, like, one of my least favorite things in StS seriously. It's so unnecessary and it IS basically a pitch-perfect example of that "behind the ruthless, frightening female warrior lies ~the soft heart of a woman~ that only the dreamy male protagonist can truly uncover!" trope that I fucking despise with all my being.

- yume and I were cracking the fuck up to discover that the Tencent version of this sequence has Seiya bringing up the Saintias when Shaina explains the mask issue. Like, my issues with Saintia Sho as a series aside, that's just really adorable.

- The mask issue in general... there are really interesting things that you could do with it, both for Sainthood in general and for Shaina as an individual (the vibe I get is that Shaina takes it unusually seriously, even though it is accepted as a general rule) since it feels like sort of a mark of sexism that would be a part of an old, traditional, religious order - but I can't say I'm a fan of any attempts so far in the series to "address" it. Omega was a thing, and that thing was Bad.

- "Kill or love" is pretty bullshit, though. How about "kill or be expelled from Sanctuary"? I also don't really like Seiya being all "what, is that the only reason?" when he thinks it's about humiliation/pride - like, what's wrong with that? It makes sense with how Shaina has been characterized...

- this flashback is so fucking stupid

- OH NO, SEIYA, YOU SAW ME PET A RABBIT WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID AND I WAS A TEENAGER AND THUS YOU HAVE UNLOCKED MY SOFT WOMAN'S HEART! I bet Seiya fucking tried to jump a high bar, too, as every single woman from the Fate franchise happened to be strolling by?

- Like, Shaina, did you fall in love with this little kid who talked down to you then or... because uhhh...

- Also, like, yeah, it's Saint Seiya, and "pulled things out of my ass" and "retconned" are the name of the game, but come on, there was no indication of this kind of past in all the screentime Shaina has had up until this point. Wasn't her grudge against him regarding Marin and Cassios and being defeated by him in battle enough? Do we really have to enforce her ~femininity~ that Seiya ~exposed~ too? Ugh ugh ugh.

- Whatever, I really do like Shaina, this garbage aside. It's just a shame we fell back on this dumb trope of all things to justify her transition into one of the good guys when it was wholly unneeded.

- Aaaand we're back to Milo and Saga. I love how the framing of this episode implies that Saga has been sitting there having to explain things very slowly to Milo all fucking day. Gonna need another bath to unwind after this shit, Gemini.

- HAVE I MENTIONED, POPE, THAT I AM A GOLD SAINT, AND THUS I AM AMAZING? I'M NOT SURE YOU KNEW. LET ME MENTION IT AGAIN. I'M A GOLD SAINT, BY THE WAY.

- And Lia enters the scene!

- Okada made this an explicit issue in Episode G, but the contrast between fully-decked-out-in-his-Cloth "have I mentioned in the last five minutes that I am a Gold Saint, preen preen" Milo and Lia--who strolls in WITHOUT his Cloth, just his regular training clothes - is really striking.

- Milo's face when Lia comes in... hmmm...

- I don't think Saga, like, actively made a point of or went out of his way to play ~mind games~ with Aiolia or anything, but this is definitely a deliberate passive-aggressive diss. The kind you would give when it's like, ah yes, I ruined this kid's life, let me just innocuously twist the knife a little here...

- You really can understand why Aiolia is as fucking mad and as fucking repressed as he is, from the dressed-up hostility coming from both sides in this whole amazing shitstorm.

- This is... an amazing moment. "What if I still wanted Milo to go?" "Eh, I'd kick his fucking ass." And Milo's EXCUSE ME!?!?! reaction lmfaooooo

- You can just sense the stony bitterness coming off of Lia here, though? This is a dangerous game to play, considering the whole rule about "no duels between Saints." Just the sheer dismissiveness of it, too. Just as Saga gets in his passive-aggressive digs against Aiolia, Lia gets his in against... Milo, lol?

- And Milo starts trying to argue with the Pope AGAIN and Saga finally just tells him to shut the hell up. Saga confirmed for legitimately impressive patience honestly.

- God, and Lia just leaves once he gets the confirmation. I LOVE that Aiolia went through this whole thing since coming in without saying a single fucking word to Milo or sparing him more than a glance. Please, just ask this man about his opinion of Scorpio Milo, I’m begging you.

- MILO FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

- And Saga is the one who points out that, BECAUSE of his history and his relation to Aiolos, he has a compelling reason to work on this case in particular. Milo just stops at HOW COULD YOU RELY ON HIM HE HAS TRAITOR'S BLOOD. The intelligence debuff is real.

- But, yeah, you can tell Lia has cause to be as cold, dismissive, and passive-aggressive towards Milo as he was. They... they do not have a good relationship.  

- It legitimately boggles my mind how there is a weird semi-common fanon about Milo and Lia being close friends, or Milo being this great guy who was so supportive of him. I've run across it multiple times in my hunts for cute fanart or interesting discussion, and I feel like I'm staring at an incomprehensible alien entity every time. Like. Where did you get that. How did. The characterization we get from both of them indicates the exact opposite. I would not be remotely surprised if Aiolia, as bitter and angry as he truly is, is going to hold a grudge against Milo until the end of time, long after Milo has forgotten about it.

- Rather than being his friend, Milo is literally the ONLY Gold Saint we see actually giving Aiolia shit for being a traitor's brother. Like I mentioned back in the Silver Saint scene with Aiolia, yume and I actually talked about this - since she is a raving Aiolia fan and all - about the possible sources of Lia's torment from his peers. The shitty Silver Saints, yes, and Deathmask, yes, because he's actively malicious in general, but he wouldn't be rubbing it in because he actually cares or thinks Lia having "traitor blood" actually means something. MILO sure does, though!

- Milo is prideful, often in shallow ways, and incredibly overbearing about that pride, thinking he has the right to lecture and judge and override others, including Athena herself. There is like literally no question in my mind that he is friends with Camus because Camus is basically the only person who knows him who will actually tolerate him.

- Milo: "Hmm, lots of people don't trust the Pope, and no one has seen his face. WHAT COULD IT MEAN??? welp back to my temple wonder what camus is up to"

- "Brother, I will make up for your sin, even if I have to sacrifice my life!" with a thousand-yard stare. Aiolia, you really, really need some therapy, badly...

- Man, I was gonna cover more episodes with this writeup, but it ends up I had a lot of ranting bottled up about GOD MILO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Oh well. Next time, Aiolia continues to have serious, serious psychological problems! A good time is had by all!

[mentalcurls]

9.3 NAMACISSI

Oh God I LOVED this clip. I loved it so much. I could die for this clip. 

A few scattered thoughts I had while watching it (they might not be in chronological order cause I’m at work and I can’t do my usual watch-stop-write-rewatch thing, sorry.)

So without further ado:

Allow me to be bitter here for a second: this should have happened yesterday. If Martino wasn’t so infuriatingly stubborn in his ways, if his first instinct wasn’t to close in on himself despite seeing how good it was when he opened up to his friends last time, how much support he got, how much lighter he felt, this would have been yesterday and neither us nor him would have suffered as much. That being said of course I love Marti as he is, wouldn���t trade him for the world, so I accept his flaws and the pain they bring.

The boys going to the bathroom together, in a group. Discussing the love life of one of them in the school bathroom. Washing their hands together (actually, unfortunately it is noteworthy that they was their hands at all bc men are often disgusting). Another typically feminine trope subverted. (The only thing missing was one of them fixing their hair, but it wouldn’t have fit the feel of the scene, I think.)  Toxic masculinity thank u, next; LudoBesse and Skam Italia writers thank you, now more.

How blue is that scene? The bathroom is of course very blue, the tiles, the floor. The light is cold. Marti is wearing a blue jumper, Giovanni a blue shirt, Elia a blue track top.

(Luchino is wearing warm brown *insert “coincidence? I think not” gif here*)

We cannot be sure this is the same bathroom where 5.4 Pausa took place, but it is very clear that LudoBesse thinks not-so-positive conversations regarding mental health need to be had in bathrooms.

I couldn’t find any particular significance in the order the boys came out of the stalls, but I’m sure I’m gonna read some really interesting theories from you guys soon. Maybe worst to best at reading Marti? worst to best at giving advice?

Luca, knowing the pain of being half-naked in the cold for several hours from the previous weekend is Very Worried about Niccolò, his saviour from the ice prison/cabin,  running around naked in the cold

Giovanni and the others watching Martino struggle with the soap dispenser/faucet thing and Gio stepping in to help him and direct him elsewhere just like he does in the conversation when he points out Martino shouldn’t trust the Internet about medical stuff

Giovanni starting his line with “Comunque”. It’s something Giovanni did in 6.5 Effettivamente (and here’s a lovely post by @zkainaat about it) and I’m starting to feel things about it. We talked a fair bit about “Martinese” these last few days and we all agree that nobody speaks it better than Giovanni, we also know Giovanni has a Martino voice and this “comunque” thing also strikes me as something that’s Marti-and-Gio’s, something Giovanni does for Martino to put him at ease or something he picked up from him. 

But, even more interestingly, where does this “comunque” also crop up? In our beloved 8.1 Patatine e marmellata, during “Buon viaggio”, of course, with Niccolò singing “Amore mio, comunque vada”. Coincidence? Nico stumbling on a bit of Martinese by chance? Another thing LudoBesse & co. will exploit to make us all suffer? Just me being too obsessed?

Giovanni gives the best advice. I need a Giovanni for myself and I can only aspire to reach the same level of wisdom as Giovanni Mago dell’Amore Garau.

Apparently, it’s a well know fact at liceo Kennedy that the school psychologist is obsessed with celery and I love that. He’s the closest thing we have to the representation of the actual quirky, weird af professors that usually roam the corridors of every Italian high school, but especially (imho) of liceo classico.

So they go to see the psycologist, dr. Roberto Spera. Someone with an actual degree. Thank God. (From what I read online, in Skam og Isak only speaks to Magnus whose mum is bipolar, and that’s cute but it also seems too much of a coincidence. IDK I haven’t seen the og so I can’t tell if it felt realistic, but I definitely like that in Skam Italia the boysquad went to a professional.)

Oh, dr. Spera how I missed you.

Giovanni Garau and Roberto Spera doing the Lord’s work and spreading the Very Important Message that you should not a) believe everything that’s online; b) only look up things online without talking to experts or reading their book/articles/papers etc.; c) self diagnose- or diagnose someone else on the basis of something you read on Wikipedia or WebMD

NAMACISSI. Guys, we knew it was something significant! *pats the whole fandom on the back*

“Is it Buddhist?” no, honey, that’s namastè

Dr. Spera’s desk is blue, he’s wearing blue, but the walls are yellowish and the light is much warmer here than in the bathroom.

Martino tells him everything this time. About Niccolò, about the off-again, on-again they went through, about finally getting together and being finally happy until last Friday. 

I wonder how amny encouraging looks and nods Giovanni had to give him to make Marti spill all the tea.

I wonder how many times the boys cut in and how many times their eyes widened and their ears perked up because Martino said something they hadn’t heard about before.

Robert Spera, patron saint of debunking false information and asking the right questions. 

And the KING OF SHADE. He disses Trump and reads Maddalena for filth while also shading Martino (”Tre mesi...UNA LUMINARE!”). We stan.

 I nearly fell over laughing when he didn’t know what blocking meant and I love Luca for explaining and promising to teach him, I bet poor Roberto has given out his number to subscribe to something and now there are so many telemarketers calling and messaging him trying to sell him the weirdest things.

Bless Luchino. As I mentioned before, I knew what was going to happen in this clip and I loved the things they changed but I also lovelovelove that Luca still got to tell Marti not to believe Maddalena. He’s naive, he has acted plain dumb, he has been ignorant to the point of offense, he is not the most empatically aware, so it’s much more significant when he’s the one to point things out.

And of course I love the wording and I feel for the translators who have to deal with it. And I love that dr. Spera uses the same words (what else could we expect from the man who asked “E se il copilota è andato a pisciare?”)

Luca casually dropping “Ti ama” (He loves you) and “È innamorato di te” (He’s in love with you), nonchalantly, like he’s talking about the weather and my heart doing high kicks and backflips. Can’t even begin to think what Marti’s was doing.

the boysquad Can’t Deal™ with Martino, Gio facepalms, Elia looks away with the far away expression of a soldier who just came back home, Luchino goes for the classic “Ma che cazzo stai a di’?” (WTF are you saying?) hand gesture

dr Spera looks on, approving

“Te l’ho già detto che ti devi fidare degli amici” MARTINO GUARDAMI MARTINOOOOO

dr Spera slips up and talks about the last time he and Marti talked, but he notices his mistake right away and fixes it changing the subject (THAT HOW YOU AVOID  BLOWING A COVER, DO YOU HEAR ME 3.4!NICCOLÒ?)

I love that Roberto Spera has one (1) “experiment” that’s so versatile he can use it for all occasions

Luchino not being able to physically support Martino by himself during the experiment though (I desperately tried not to read into this, because I want it to be a thing done for shits and giggles, I want it to be just fun, but my mind keeps replaying “so are you like..transgender?” and “whe two gay men have sex one is the man and the other one is the woman?” and, yeah, on his own Luchino would not be able to support Martino in the metaphorical sense either)

anyways, I love i Contrabbandieri for going to the psychologist’s office all together, both to support Marti and because they’ve already adopted his boyfriend Niccolò and he’s not feeling well, which makes Martino not feel well either and they want to know why-how-when-how can we help

I wonder how Gio will feel when he’ll inevitably get out of Martino that he went to talk to dr. Spera before coming out to him, before talking to him. Will he be hurt that his friend didn’t feel like he could talk to him? Will he feel guilty? 

(Let’s not forget that afaik the boysquad still doesn’t know about Filippo. How will they all, especially Giovanni, take the fact that Martino told basically a stranger about Nico before telling them? I need fic explorations of the dynamics that all these characters will create)

Anyways, once again Martino exits dr. Spera’s office with an important life lesson, a new outlook on life and hope, as well as bruises from falling on his ass

(Giovanni and Elia in that position, laughing at their friend are giving me ~feelings~ I don’t know why)

Well, I guess that’s it. My inbox is open if there’s anything you want to discuss!

[ace-octo-pix]

This is... going to be a bit long. sorry, mobile users. The ocs are listed by team!

SPLATOON 1 TEAMS

ROKA/OLIVIA/AGENT 3. A bit of a lovable goof, with caring too much for her little inkling body. Fierce in battle. Yes, she gets the scar in the OE arc, but the OE arc goes a bit differently in the story due to... reasons? yeah, reasons. She goes missing for a full year and that’s when Akim takes up the Agent 4 handle.

MINT TEA/PAIVA. A bit of a gossip, but also a wall of support. Wants to cheer everybody up, but is hiding issues of her own. Close friends with Roka. A possible ship with roka, as well. She’s the second leader of the team, and the only one in contact with Roka, right up until her disappearance. Oops. Literally the only one with a picture like this.

GLASSES/HENRIETTA. I did not know that the splatoon manga glasses was known as glasses, and this is awkward. and also full moon is a thing and AGH. anyway glasses. Seems to be a sarcastic little piece of shit, but honestly it’s just a front to her inner core. Of someone who likes to snipe and have fun. Wonder what caused her to be like that? hm.

Bandanna/Daphyne. She exudes an aura of edge, an aura of Not Caring... but she really does care... a lot more than she lets on. Will Fight anybody who disses her pals. Honestly a teen girl at heart. Loves black.

RETRO/AKIM/AGENT 4. A bit of a prick, but the kind of prick you know doesn’t mean his words. He’s kind of skilled in battle with his roller, which makes this W O R SE !! a big fan of music, and gaming, and also being gay. he makes jokes about that a lot.

SPECS/MARK: you know the stereotypical nerd? stays in a bedroom most of the day, tinkering around with stuff? That’s Specs! He likes to play video games with Retro, and... oh, look at that, another ship. Wow. Analytical!

SUNNY/GWEN. Similar to another person, she appears to not care, while caring a lot. Apathetic seeming, but able to come out of her core to care. Probably has a lot of interests from her girlfriend...

RAINY/SARAH. She’s fueled by a firey passion most of the time, but it tends to fizzle out quickly, and that’s how she and Sunny met, basically. Not pictured is the Traditional Headband she wears. Yes, she and Sunny are girlfriends. yay matching outfits.

PAINT! Er, she looks... not like this as much? Her gloves cover her fingers, and her hairstyle is the enemy octo hairstyle! In the ‘first game’ aka the first arc, she actually wears the paintball mask which covers her whole face, and also mains chargers. She just switched to brella in the second game. Shy, kind of nervous, but willing to put her foot down when push comes to shove. Er, she also has to be pushed to that point. Poor girl.

FISHFRY. A super out-there kinda kid. sorry, some ocs don’t have much personality. He will Protecc Paint with his life. Probably does research and field expeditions for her.

PEAKS. Proud of her role in battle, and probably the first one Paint trusted with the secret of her being an octoling, and the one best fit to break the news.

VECTOR. Full Attacc mode. Fueled by battle, loves to battle. Whenever Paint is taken off guard, she’s probably the one there to back her up.

ZEKKO. Leader of the Marksmen. Sorry there isn’t much about him. he’s definitely gay tho? Loves bothering the other players with his gun.

PANEL. A bit of a nerd, though he hides it behind his huge blaster.

SQUIDMARK. Reclusive? shows little emotion, but its definitely there.

CHECK. Loves the feeling of his hair. Probably more muscly than you would gather from his shirt.

SATIN. Loves this style and doesn’t get why people laugh at her scuba mask. knows what she’s doing in battle, but... not much outside of it.

CANCEL. Tends to ignore the outside world for her daydreams, even in battles, and still does well?? how does this team function

Ah, this is how they function. PARKA. Aka the straight person- well, they’re nonbinary and are hiding their ponytail in that hat of theirs. The person who sets the team straight and directs them in the right direction. Beakons help.

Zink. Just as odd as the rest of his team. He says his headband helps him, when it very clearly doesn’t. Or maybe it does and its just a hidden condition. Who knows? He’s just a bit bizarre.

BERRY. Leader of her team, she’s Suspicious of everything, and fierce in battle. Loves being Warm....

Olive. Er, he has the wrong ink color, and his eyes are blinking. It’s better like this instead of the WRONG PIECE OF HEADGEAR. Suave and cool, and yet constantly bickers with Berry. Ah, sibling culture. Super strong. A bit of a brat, but he won’t press on Berry’s anxious triggers. That’s Just Rude.

JELLY. Sometimes called Baby because of just how precious she acts. Will kick people if she has to.

SHRIMP. AKA... well. You know that headcanon that Pearl, Emperor, and Prince are siblings? Well, Shrimp’s their cousin. He’s got the short genes. He tries to compensate for it by being loud, and is often jokingly called Pearl’s cousin. Likes telling tales. That are often mostly true.

SPLATOON 2 TEAMS

HOOK/ATA/AGENT 8. A soft and kind soul, friendly and loves to talk more than take action, but when she takes action... whooo. she knows how to take action. If she’s angry, you don’t want to be around. Mostly quiet. Another possible ship with Roka.

YAMAGIRI/ADRIAN. Confident, and a bit cocky, but it’s mostly only a bit of exaggeration: he loves to stick to his ideals, and truly believes himself to be carrying those out to the best of his ability. Stupidly loyal to his friends.

TOOTHPICK/NOELANI. Two words to describe her: mom friend. Caring, worrying for everybody that crosses her vision, analytical to a stupid degree. Strong, so she can help throw her friends into a food cart so they can EAT FOOD. 

OCEANIC/VICTOR. A soft-spoken octoling, but is willing to do whatever it takes for his friends to Remain Happy, happy to shoulder their burdens. Hides his emotions under his big ol’ hat, though if you look under it, he’s probably a blubbering mess. Whenever angered, his voice seems to drop octaves and inflection. That’s terrifying!

BLOCKER. Oh my god, he’s a party animal. Oh my god. He likes doing memes and tricks, and, you know who this should remind you of? Aloha. Anyway, Blocker’s well known for his tricks with his brella, and his excellent dance skills... which also aids him in battle!

FUGU. He has a Big Ol Crush on Blocker, and I don’t think Blocker’s noticed yet. Oof. Kind of quiet and likes to observe before hopping into things, useful for a blaster with such a short range...? Awkward, but he’s trying to get better.

SEA SLUG. Constantly on the go, constantly moving, she’s gotta Go Go Go!! Hyperactive, probably can be seen stimming. Has an attachment to her gun.

LEAF. Seemingly hard-boiled, constantly huffing about something or other. She’s- she’s a Rider Tsundere, that’s all I can describe her as. Her friendships with Blocker the Party Master and Sea Slug have definitely Lightened her up. Still a little bit of a grump?

ARROW. Dependable. You can depend on him to tell you when you’re doing some Bad Shit, Stop That.

HOTHOUSE. A... a bit of a flirt, and a good punster. two things that shouldn’t be combined into one girl.

TACKLE VISOR. Keeps their face hidden purposefully, which hides their non-standard hairstyle. Rough and tough, a sneaky little bastard. You know, despite the TACKLE VISOR on their head.

MATCHA. A silly little guy. The oblivious one that somehow still manages to cooperate with Hothouse’s jokes anyway. May be faking obliviousness...

HICKORY. Such a casual guy. Him and Blocker are probably pals. Party pals. Would drink your soda on accident and then apologize.

DO-RAG. oh my god, look, it’s a lesbian. She loves to show off, and is super strong. Could probably lift her teammates above her head. Actually can’t see much without her glasses, they’re made for her weird-ass eyes.

REDLEAF. He looks like the type of guy who hyperfocuses on everything and has to be told to back off, but he’s not trying to be creepy. Soft. Would memorize your food favorites and cook it for you.

CLAMS. He. he loves being super fancy. Not because he thinks he’s above others, he really, really loves the aesthetic of it! He and Do-Rag fight over which splatling is better sometimes. And then help each other score dates.

EGG. Super silly, has probably eaten a raw egg whole on a dare. Easily dared into things, though this means she’s very resilient. Can and Will say silly things just to confuse people.

CARROT. Helps out with Egg’s jokes. Has shoved an entire carrot down her gut before. Egg and her were actually friends before they both traveled to the surface. They are... bad influences on each other.

RAINBOW: He’s a casual gay. I- uh. He’s super fun in battles, and is often the one daring Egg and Carrot to do things because he loves putting it on whatever the octo media is. Loves sandals, hates his toes feeling constricted.

CANARY. Oh my god this is a swamp gremlin. You know the meme versions of agent 4? that, times like 100. Jesus. This team is crazy.

SEASHELL. Doesn’t use the deco because her teammates described what the burstbomb and carbon did to people and she doesn’t wish to cause people harm....

JADE. he’s blue ba due be- i mean. he’s a good singer, but still learning the ropes of his new weapon.

DEEPSEA. A friend. The dad friend. Will tell jokes to make you feel better, but always a shoulder to lean on. Always will wear silly clothes too.

FORGE. ..... a guy of few words.... kind of like skull. doesn’t really talk much, but evidently is a good prankster and loves spicy things. Will tuck you into bed and then doodle on your face.

[whotookcheesuschrist]

Some excerpts from the playthrough

I was pretty close to getting chills from that intro. That is the most atmospheric video game intro I’ve experienced thus far. All the way from the menu to the actual game. Fucking damn. (Apart from maybe Dragon Age Inquisition.)

Made it through the first part on the first try. Saved. It didn’t save as far as I thought it would and I had to do it again, failing four times. :-(

“Behold, my amazingly rendered abs. And flat-ass face.”

You can tell this is game was a first attempt in many things; such as delivering awkward, awkward lines.

There is a mission briefing mimicking VHS tapes and I fucking love it.

Whuh... COLONEL DID YOU KILL HIS DOGS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So... that was intensly antagonistic of a character who have up to this point been delivering barely any support apart from diet-coke Sun Tzu.

Speaking of Sun-Tzu...

As of writing I’ve finished MGS2, and there’s a certain related part of that that I will get into on a later date, but this one, more than what’s to come, reminds me of that police interrogation in The Venture Bros.

YOUU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

In the most threatening way possible, say the words: Follow the mice.

These controls are hUaORRIBLe

In one way, yes, it adds to the difficulty without being forced, but good fucking god, trying to figure out which direction I’m supposed to push the stick while pressing up against a wall is a nightmare. And having to stand still while shooting and not being able to move while aiming at all is... not very user-friendly design. Thank God for auto-aim

In a similar vein, a third-person shooter with the camera angle being from what we Norwegians call bird perspective is a bit of a challenge

The game play is still pretty dope though

Bee tee dubbs, the ex-Fox unit is hereby dubbed the Suicide Squad

(I would totally play a super-hero video game with that kind of lay-out of the villains and the hero. I think this could actually transfer to comics as well, the way the villains are set-up, introduced and used.)

First meeting with Metrosexual Noodle Eastern.

"I love to reload during a battle! There's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a well greased chamber." — Revolver Ocelot, Metal Gear Solid.

I bet you do, Ozzie

This game is not complete without a ninja.

There’s a masturbation joke lying in there somewhere.

So far this game has been surprisingly Not Gay. Except from Snake’s sick abs, but then comes Otacon and fucks my shit up on so many levels.

Johny’s grand introduction: Face down, ass up

Meryl... I really like Meryl, but she is so obviously one of the “not like other girls”, tomboy-ish archetype that isn’t really all that useful. It’s pretty sad, because we see her kick ass. We know she can, so it’s a little sad that she isn’t properly utilized.

Poor Otacon.

The ninja was depressingly easy to best. I know the TWEETHT!! that comes later with this guy, but man, you’d think it’d be more of a fight.

OH. MY GOD. Let me count down how many ways Otacon’s introduction is gay.

After being saved from death by katana, Otacon stares at Snake downward-up. When the camera stops, we get a damn good shot, yet again, of Snake’s Sick Abs.

“You’re uniform is not like the others...”

The disappointment in Otacon’s voice upon learning that he was not the goal.

The symbolism of Otacon literally coming out of the closet.

Snake sitting with legs crossed like a fucking femme fatale as he and Otacon catch up to speed

Snake inspecting Otacon, crotch on up

Snake walking up to Otacon until he’s one foot away, laying his hand on his shoulder and asking “you okay?” in an uncharacteristic, caring voice: and Otacon being weirede out by it, commenting: “What’s wrong, getting all friendly all of a sudden...”, to which Snake just awkwardly backs away and says “uh nothing, just... glad you’re okay”

Forget Meryl, Hal’s your love interest and we all know it.

“I’ve been therapied into not having an interest in men and no one can break the spell at all none at all nuh-uh...” And of course Snake is going to prove them wrong. Eww. Call it a product of its time, but still, gross.

Bee-tee-dubbs, Otacon and Snake discussing Meryl’s low-pixelated ass strikes me as hilariously “no homo”. I’m pretty sure, given how Hideo is on the subject in later games, that all of it is intentional. Subtext included.

Psycho Mantis, stop dissing my game stats

Poor dude. Seriously, that is a sad and solid backstory for a character

“Riussiain lieady rieportyingk in on wieapions” I like her tho

Man, this game... In all of the silliness it is STILL on-point with its social commentary. Nastasha’s talks about the START programs, nuclear disarmament, the money involved, the ultimate plan of the Foxhound members, nuclear programs made for short-range launches... All of these are things that I’ve seen in the news this week, and what goes on in the game takes place in the year 2005. Not to mention us becoming more and more desensitized to violence and warfare. It is frightening to behold. I wish I had it in me to talk about all of this at length, because there is really a well of subject matters to discuss here.

Once again I experience a video game trying to impose on me that, in the story, something is urgent, but in reality, I have hours of backtracking if I want to.

I... kinda like the voice they gave Sniper Wolf. And that she’s Kurd; it is nice to see that Hideo remembers a little history. And it brings a little variation in a very formulaic artistic industry.

There is nothing so jarring as video game characters talking specifically about the controls on your PS controller. Abs are still sick. I like the little touch that this death will be different from the others, and set you somewhat back in progress. Not enough for it to make an impact, but I appreciate the effort; the game is present even on its own metalevel

Otacon, you sap. Oh and thank you for massaging my arm, Naomi

If Johnny were ever to be in a Rambo-parody the first movie would be called Johnny - First Brown

My old enemy... Stairs...

OTACON DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT SUBTEXT MEANS

My tactic for handling this: laying down land mines whenever possible and run like a pussy.

Sniper’s demise, the entire scene for all parties involved, is pretty heartfelt still you two should kiss

I have literally played Die Hard.

HUHHHH! THE PLOT THICKENS! WE’VE BEEN BETRAYED!

Vulcan Raven has no sense of humor. I am big man McLargebeef. Fear me.

One of the greatest things about this game is the boss fights. All of them are different and interesting, fun to play. Same goes for the rest of the game: nothing ever gets to the point of being samey.

I mentioned atmosphere earlier, and oh how I do love this for keeping it throughout. This feels like a beautiful tribute to the 80′s action movies, in tone and spirit as well. This is what the 80′s style tribute that we’ve seen lately really ought to be: specs of hilarity and ridiculoussness mixed with complete sincerity and genuine, dark depth, without getting to caught up in aesthetic.

Metal Gear Chicken.

How can anyone survive working on that thing.

I wonder what Ocelot really thought of Liquid.

GAAASP! MILLER IS BRITISH! OH NO!

Liquid is just an asshole, but if that was his upbringing I feel a little bad for him. No wonder he hyper-compensates.

Snake takes these news surprisingly well

Snake being made into a weapon, robbed of information that he really needs: this game makes his feelings and responses, however douchy, feels quite earned

I am fighting a giant mecha and this is STILL a stealth game.

Okay that... that surprise from Gray Fox actually was a surprise. And what the fuck is he MADE of.

So Richard Dawkins is to blame...

           OF COURSE-

SHIRTLESS BATTLE! OVER A WOMAN!

“MACGYVEEEEEEEEEER!”

Surprise bitch I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me

Liquid’s death is surprisingly evocative for me. I really do feel like Liquid’s plan is more important to him than anything, because he that desperately needs to prove himself in the light of his “father”.

...

                    ...

          ...

          ...

          ...

          .                           .                         .           

          WILL YOU           SHUT UP

BTW I made it through without sacrificing Meryl. I’ve learned what happens in the other ending, and it is pretty dumb how that one leads so much better into the next game than the other. And while on the subject

Woah, yet another twist. Although knowing what I do about Ocelot now it is hardly that surprising. The impact of this is still satisfying and intriguing, because there are things in the game that for someone who isn’t already completely familiar with them seems a bit weird. The reveals here makes some things falll into place, and I am surprised that the game actually did specifically build up to a sequel

It strikes me that I haven’t talked once about the performances. While there are a lot of them that don’t go all in, you gotta give David Hayter props for this, as well as several of the others. This must’ve been so very strange to work on for all of them: not quite a translation from a japanese work, not quite American either, giving this exposition-heavy dialogue a unique life of its own

And the game naming Snake after him is a very cute touch, one that I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t thought of before. And no one could give Snake the layers of believable capability and apparent ineptitude better than he. IQ of 180 my ass.

GOD that ending dragged on.

[subzeroiceskater]

Nice.

“I thought you liked girls! Didn’t I see you swooning over Pride and Iris?”

“Netto-kun, I was what, eleven? Twelve?”

Bisexuality? Not that compulsory heteronormativy isn’t a thing but. Well, personally speaking, I’d just like to have it acknowledged and not be the binary of “you’re either straight or gay”.

“His name is Jomon Teruo.”

“Jomon?”

“As in Japan’s Jomon Electric megastore?” Rockman chimed in.

“That’s it. His grandfather is the CEO.”

… Now, on top of that, he was beholden to some snotty rich kid. The spawn of one of the country’s most affluent name-brand families, in fact. They’d probably ride off into the sunset together in a luxury sedan, flocked by enough maids and servants to make Yaito-chan jealous.

I wonder if Teruo was chosen just because he’s canon rich to serve this role. Yeah, I’m just skipping to the parts where he gets mentioned.

“My counsellor recommended I check out Japan Club. That’s where I met Teruo-kun. He was super welcoming, and we planned all sorts of cultural events together to promote awareness.”

That’s actually pretty sweet. Good on you, Teruo.

The geek delivered a chaste kiss to the now-standing Tohru’s cheek, an act which caused Netto discomfort. “C-cancelled. S-so I flew here instead.”

“H-hi there, I-I’m Jomon Teruo.”

“Hikari Netto.” They shook hands, and the seated one noted the latter’s stutter.

So this was the wolf himself. Not what Netto imagined. The freckled hafu wore a baggy newsboy hat, rimless vintage pink sunglasses, long-sleeved shirt with circle of iron filings splaying the front and lightning bolts running up the arms, white slacks, and utility belt. He looked more like a mechanic or a rock and roll delinquent than the grandson of an electronics magnate. The only overt indicator of his wealth was his one obnoxious pierced ear, flaunting a diamond earring.

To be fair, this is probably more canon and in-character than everything I’ve ever done with Terry. BUT this is just straight up pulling from his game appearance from the mentions of “geek” and the stutters. This is just straight up his canon design as well, which, in my opinion, is A Look.

Although, I’m assuming if they’re older in this fic, they’d somehow dressed differently? The author is mixing game canon into the anime one (which I’ve never seen. To be honest, if Terry had ever appeared ONCE I would’ve watched the whole thing a million years ago, lol favoritism).

Although, hafu? Where did that come from? Terry's not said to be half-anything in the text or anywhere else in canon--absolutely nothing wrong if he was but this is the only place that mentions it for some reason?

That’s not really based on any canon thing at all. Is it because he was renamed Terry in English? That won't make sense in the Japanese setting of this fanfic? Like, even Terry could just be a nickname from Teruo. Teri is even still a a Japanese electric term.

N-not at all. L-lemme tell ya, robots are fascinating. A-and you’re apprenticing under Aoki Makoto? S-she’s a legend in the robotics community.”

“You should let Teruo-kun have a look at what you’re working on,” Tohru proposed. “Robotics are his specialty.”

“Q-quit it, Tohru-chan.”

Drat. He was modest too.

Teruo’s actually pretty cool with this? I’m anticipating the heel turn any time now but this is pretty nice. Based Teruo, loving and supporting robotics, female scientist and his fiancé.

Putting together Terry and Copybots is such an obvious thing that I'm mostly glad someone else did that!

A genius who could match pace with Tohru’s intellect, wealthy and reputable, with a sturdy career. Netto had nothing to offer. Teruo was everything he couldn’t be.

Well, yeah, Terry/Teruo’s shown to be good with robotics and have a rich grandpa but, seriously, Netto. This is a little too much, pfft. Although, that is the point of a pining romantic fanfic, I suppose. I’ll be honest, I haven’t read fanfics for a long time. It just feels more like the plot is leading the characters on and slotting them into types instead of letting the IC personalities and motivations arise naturally or speak or whatever.

And now I’ll turn into about myself. Am I any better with my own stuff? Nope! Author did this the same reason I do my own art—coz it amuses ‘em.

“His boyfriend is rotten! A scoundrel! The heavenly bodies foretell it!”

Yep, it’s definitely not me Netto-kun likes. Teruo-kun wouldn’t harm a fly! Tohru relished the garlic in his dumplings.

HERE WE GO 😈

The powwows a directionally inadept Dingo held asking his tomahawk for counsel locating Maha Ichiban’s customers came to mind, and Netto justly grew skeptical.

What? Err… You know what, I’ll just concentrate on the Teruo parts. For my own peace of mind. I don’t want to get legit mad again.

Tohru was entitled to the world. On Teruo’s lanky arm, that attitude represented a concrete, dynastic legacy. If the cost of that felicity was that he himself would fade, amen! Tohru’s contentment justified the tribulation. He could take it. For his beloved, he could learn to suffer the grief.

Yeah, this kind of thing. It feels more like Teruo is just an obstacle for the eventual realization of Netto’s true love. Like any trope, it’s not that’s necessarily bad but this is a little too on the nose and a little too overwrought for me. xD Maybe Netto was too different in the anime but I don’t really hear Lan thinking or talking like this, even as a grown up or in love. It’s just stuff like the author is blatantly going “hurry it up and get together” but at the expense of the story. It’s…well, “fanfic” writing.

I’m not explaining myself very well. This is why I don’t write fanfic myself, lol.

“Based on the evidence, we’ve secured a warrant to take Sparkman’s suspected operator, Jomon Teruo, into custody”

HERE WE FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO

“Now that you mention it, Teruo did express a dubious interest in our research. Gah! Romeda-san was right!” He smacked himself, realizing the phony psychic’s prediction had come to fruition. “The jerk is shady!”

He’s a robotics guy who’s interested in robotics stuff. He seemed perfectly normal when you talked to him. How is that shady.

His vilification of Teruo abruptly gained legitimate weight.

😈 😈 😈 To be clear, I’m not mad or anything. This is actually a lot more fun than I expected it to be. It’s more funny than anything. Like, here’s Teruo being an okay dude who’s being guiltily vilified by Netto…but no, he was right, all along!

“Even though I’m not worthy of your love, even though I’ll never be able to give you the things he can, that doesn’t change the fact that I will protect you, Tohru-kun! No matter what! You may hate me for it, but there’s no avoiding it anymore!”

Teruo’s a shit Netbattler. You’re one of the best. Go beat his ass netbattling or something, Netto.

He located Teruo immersed among the gizmos in his lab. Untidy as a hoarder, blueprints and tools lay disorderly, necessitating Tohru dance around the innumerable hazards to his feet. His grease monkey boyfriend was hunched over a project, welding. Blue embers licked the metal as he mended a garish scar begriming its surface.

Okay, I can’t believe how cool Teruo is in this fic. I mean, he gets to do robotic-labs shit, even if just by implication. What the fuck.

“Yo, Tohru-chan!” Teruo jerked his helmet up.

He was tinkering with a robot. A Copyroid.

No…

“What have you done?”

“My oh my, that Hikari Netto did a number on you, didn’t he?” Teruo patted the Copyroid. “I rewired it. Optimized its destructive capability. Rebooted it without those pesky inhibitors. No safety parameters. I’ve accomplished what Aoki Makoto was afraid to do.”

The loss of the Jomon family successor’s stutter unnerved him. Was it all a ploy?

Like, this is legit cool, man. Teruo’s legit badass. Haha. Based. And he’s giving orders to the neo-WWW? Like, some kind of Dr. Wily analogue? So cool, even if just implication.

Oh, by the way, that’d be welding mask, and not helmet.

“Gramps is holding out on me. Reassessing my status in his will. He dissed robotics and threatened to sever my funding, the geezer! When I caught wind on an Undernet BBS that these lowlife goons were planning to bust out the Professor, I extended my services. In exchange, the Professor lends me his soldiers. It’s a hostile takeover, baby!”

Fuck yeah. I actually love this. This is pretty much his scenario from the game but extended a little more villainously.

“After everything we’ve been through! It was a lie?”

“Never. I do love you. Gonna give you the world, Tohru-chan. Picture it. Us, unlimited coin, and a controlling interest in the organization!”

“You can walk away! I’ll speak to the Net Police! We can hammer out a plea bargain!”

“Aww, how swell of you to defend me. When this is over, you and I are due for a heckuva holiday. Hmm? The Southern Isles?”

And it turns out he genuinely loves Tohru? Like, in his own earnest way? Based.

“You ain’t gonna win! No siree!” Teruo taunted, priggishly unhinged after having been liberated of his tiresome fake speech impediment and goody two-shoes public persona.

The duplicitous jerk! He really was the spoiled rich kid Netto thought!

Okay, but I wanna argue that I don’t think that Teruo (Terry in BN4) was faking—the stutter at least. Terry’s thing is at his heart, a coward. The stutter was him being a scaredy-cat because he was nervous trying to trick Lan and him getting a confidence boost was thinking he’s succeeded. There’s the heel turn I’ve been waiting but the whole way getting here was so fun (and honestly short) so I don’t mind as much.

“Bourgeois slime, I’m gonna enjoy pixelating that disrespectful runt of yours!” Teruo spat.

I was gonna say how weird for him to use bourgeois as insult when he’s the richer one but I just looked it up and this usage is correct: bourgeois relates to the middle-class. Whoops. I also just found out that I’ve been understanding the slang “bougie” wrong all this time. Educational!

Neither Teruo nor Sparkman abided by restraint. Divorced of commitment, they cut loose, exactly as Teruo stipulated, with “extreme prejudice.”

And Teruo completes transformation to vaudeville villain. He’s still fun, though.

Teruo threw caution to the wind. Resorting to cheating, he spammed Extra Codes to push Sparkman to the limit, mashing his PET like his life depended on it. “Take this! And this! And this! Heh heh heh!”

Can it really be called cheating if this was never meant to be a fair legit fight in a contest with rules. Teruo’s just being a poor sport in general. Which is still canon characterization, btw.

“Garbage!” Sparkman was literally falling apart. “You may excel at repairing machines, but you sure stink at Navi operation!”

“Sue me! I’m a robot specialist, not a NetBattler!”

Rockman mocked, “Arguing? Trust between operator and Navi is key!”

“You’re such a hot shot! Why don’t you fix this useless robot body?”

“I oughta sell you for scrap!”

Yeah, this is just from the game. Although, Teruo should be able to do something about the Copyroid body. Okay, you know what, I’ve always want a Full Synchro between them. What’s that? The point of Terry’s story was how he’s so bad at Netbattling and he couldn’t get along with his Navi?

Well, more reason for them to overcome their differences and finally be true battle buddies. Honestly, that’s part of the whole “Terry gets a friend, learns to be less of a terrible shit and gets his life on track” fanfic idea I’ve had since I played his game.

Anyway, he gets arrested. And…hired an assassin to try take Netto out? Lmao, still badass. That’s it for him. I tried looking for that time travel thing but, nothing. I think from context, this is just because this whole story was the time travel thing? Well.

That was more entertaining than I thought it would be. I’d have to wonder why Terry of all people but it may be as simple as he was a rich jerk who never appeared in the anime and so good for a retelling. He was far more important in this story than pretty much anything else I’ve ever seen, outside of my own stupid doodles, hahahaha.

[cb-143]

Hey! Can I have a BBSC ship with ToppDogg (OT9/13) JBJ & Day6 please? If it's much I'd be pleased only with TD! And I heard you have my old ship req so can you use that pls as I'm lazy to write it again xd Thank you girls, I love both of you 💗

Hey love ♥ Thanks for requesting ♥♥

Topp Dogg:

Boyfriend:

Sanggyun – Ifeel like your meme-y side would go great with his dorky side. He canbe silly sometimes, so in moments when you’re in a good mood, you’dlaugh a lot. When you’re not in a good mood however, he’d try tocheer you up with it (it would prolly end up annoying you).

He’d find it hilarious when you roastand offend people, absolutely not having a problem with it. You’dmake him laugh a lot in general, your toughness was what made himfall for you in the first place.

Best Friend:

Jenissi – You’droast each other a lot. Mainly because he didn’t care, or you didn’t.Either of you would get annoyed with the other, and since both of youare really honest, playful fights would ensue.

Of course your honesty’s not all thatbad; you’d actually get along better because of it; there was nobeating around the bush there. Jenissi would also love that youdidn’t put on a cutesy, girly mask, but that you were yourself allthe time; when y'all hung out, it’d be peaceful to him, and you’dprolly only speak against people who did fake cute shit.

Sibling: 

Sangdo

– He’s so soft. He’d be so super protective of you. A protectiveolder brother;; you’d be so annoyed with him, push him away etcetc… I think you wouldn’t even fight a lot with him? Like he justwouldn’t let that happen, even if you pissed him off, he’d merelylaugh at you and then ignore you, that’s it. But there’s definitely anice contrast between you being annoyed and him being soft, calm andcollected.

Crush:

Yano– He’s feisty, but Sangwon would nonetheless fall in love with theway you were able to express yourself and stand up for yourselfwhenever needed. Despite you being a few years younger, he’d sort ofadmire you, though also developing a sense of overprotectiveness.He’d want to constantly be around you, making sure no one and nothingwould hurt you or stand in your way. He hates when people callhim cute, but I feel like he’d see something ‘cute’ in you, thoughyou wouldn’t be able to realise that. He’d see all the potential youhad in you, and he’d want to bring out this potential, and all ofyour good sides. He loved you so dearly, all he wants for you is tobe happy, whether that’s with him as your boyfriend, or just yourfriend.

Day6:

Boyfriend:

Sungjin –Sungjin would be a great help for you whenever you were feeling down.He would generally help you a lot, with everyday tasks, and if youhad any troubles, you could count on him.

He’d help and practice singing with you, since he has the voice of abloody angel himself. But he’d definitely also support your rapping,urging you on, helping you, caring for you whenever you were doubtingyourself.

Best Friend:

Jae– Just like Young K, you’d be used by him, and had to help him findthe Korean word for something he only knew in English. You’d bondover the language thing, and the fact that you’re both invested inmusic. It would be a bit weird though, as he is rather cheerful andloud whilst you tend to be a bit colder and cooler. Of course youhave your own fun moments, and that’s when you and him appear likealiens toward anyone else. You’d be best friends, also have clearroles – him being the idiot and you having the actual brains.

Sibling:

Wonpil– It wouldn’t be hard for people to notice that you two wererelated. He’s a snek and you can be lowkey offending and rude asheck;;

Justlike your best friend, Jae, you’d roast and insult the hell out ofpoor Wonpil, and not just for that tragic pink sweater.

Crush:

Young K –He thinks you’re cool. Not only your interest in languages, but alsoyour passion for rapping are characteristics that he’s grown veryfond of. Just like Sungjin, he’d want to help you out; though he’d doit to spend more time with you. He’d always wear a smile on his lipswhen he was around you; kind of contrary to yourself. He alsowouldn’t mind that you didn’t like all that cute, girly stuff.

JBJ:

Boyfriend: 

Sanggyun – you make a strong impression on people, which is something thathe would be attracted to, together with you honesty. Instead of feeling like heneeds to protect you 24/7 he’d actually enjoy the sight of you handling yourself.Both of you are not the type to crawl away and take on the confrontation. Youtow would also diss people together for sure somehow I can see Kenta being avictim in this

He’d also support you’re rapping 100%for sure. He would want to practice rapping together so that maybe you two cangive each other useful tips. However whenever he wants to sing something togetherthat has a rapping and singing part he would look with his puppy eyes and smile(I’m certain you know which one) for you to do the singing part as he alsoloves to hear you sing.

  Best Friend:

Donghan – see here you’re partner in crime. You two would roast so manypeople, including eachother. It might even turn into a little competition sometimes.This is something that makes you two get along so well. I also think that heneeds a honest friend as he needs someone that can calm him down or get him ofhis idea’s sometimes. So this is a trait he secretly values so much in you!

Donghan can also come across as a coldperson, so that is something that he understand about you and you understandabout him. Because you two understand each other so well and have the same kindof joke style you two get along really well!

Sibling:

Kenta -  the two of you might notshare a lot of qualities and might not immediately look like it, butI can see you two being siblings. You two would share a protective brother sister bond. Kenta isn’t that goodat standing up for himself, so whenever a member is playfully attacking him ormaking fun of him he would try to get you to save him. Which will most likelymake you sigh but you’ll do it for him regardless.

Whenever Kenta tries to act cute you’droll your eyes, since you didn’t really like it and you (being very honest) wouldalso tell him that. However since you two are closely bonded, Kenta could handlethat.

However you appear cold to people whereKenta is more open and cheerful. This is where Kenta will save you insituations where people misunderstand your personality.

Crush:

Taehyun – you are actually the greatest mystery to him. He thought he wouldlike a cute girl, so why did he keep on falling more and morein love with someone that left another expression? You are such a strongwomen who seem to know what she wants and is not afraid to speak up for it. You’renot afraid to be yourself and won’t change this for someone else. You’re alsovery honest and you do not move away for the confrontation. You have a passionfor music just like him.

The strength that he sees in you inspireshim to do better as a leader;

Your honesty is good for him as he tendsto have moments that he does things without thinking it through;

How comfortable you are to be who youare inspires him to do the same;

Your passion for music reminds him of his passion of music;

This is why he fell in love with you.

Because of your amazing match withSanggyun (twice) I thought this time we include a picture of your crushTaehyun!

~Min Elli & Admin Chan