#how has this not been a mashup yet lol

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

And you know that I would give you my wild, give you a child but is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything, or do you just not want to?

[streets-in-paradise]

Friday the 13 Th - Eddie Munson x (Fem) Henderson! Reader

Warnings: Friday the 13 Th franchise references.

Summary: Eddie has convinced you of making something big to bother Jason in the most fitting day for your inside joke about him.

Notes: Happy Friday the 13 th! Let's make fun of Jason lol

The school's cafeteria was a stage where Eddie loved to play being a dreaded artist annoying the well adjusted students with his unhinged dramatizations. He was an autentical court jester despite many loathed his performances. You may have been once too shy to get involved or even engage, but the spirit of companionship of Hellfire had slowly and consistently changed that.

As two lonely weirdos doing their best to not be noticed during most of your highschool experience, you have always been in a distant bubble with Jonnathan doing your own thing unless bullies would disrupt you. There was no one else at least untill he started to date Nancy and you befriended Eddie first, later also Steve. While you remained best friends, some of that crave to hide together in a little corner going unnoticed began to change and that was way more evident in you under the influence of Eddie.

For once at least, Jonnathan acceded to get involved for a small role in a carefully crafted espectacle you were planning because he got to appreciate the concept. Fellow horror geek, he found it simple yet quite effective. At very least you both would have a funny story to share with Will and Dustin.

Staged action took it's course as you approached him limping and pretending you were crying your heart out.

" Please, please! You have to help me!! " You begged him for the entire place to hear you, your ketchup soaked hands seeking to hold his clean ones . " … He is coming, he got my friends!!! He is gonna kill us! "

Pretending confussion wasn't that hard given your performance.

" What are you talking about?"

" The councelors were making love while that young boy drowned!!" You directly referenced the speech of Pamela Vorhees in a mashup with a victim character. " … Now we are all cursed. WE DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!!!! "

When your agonical, prophetic scream gave him the sign Eddie emerged rushing like a maniac into the scene.

" FRIDAY THE 13 TH!!! IT'S FRIDAY THE 13 TH, PEOPLE!!" He began to scream to anyone in his way. " RUN FOR YOUR LIVES CAUSE JASON IS GONNA COME TO GET YOU!"

The joke was perfectly timed with the entrance of Jason Carver. Annoyance was the less concerning feeling it awakened on the target. When you once started it he could have never imagined it was going to stick with the full weirdo group and even escalate.

" Are you looking for trouble, freak?"

Enacting a reaction fitting for a horror movie, you got in between them shielding Eddie with your body.

" No, Eds! Don't sacrifice yourself for me!! "

Eddie turned dramatically to play pretend a heartfelt objection.

" I must do it. You are the final girl and i am just the disastrous but charming male lead following you into the woods just because i'm in love with you. " He followed your performance with a self awareness touch. " Go, my beloved. Save that stoner and remember me. "

You held his hands as if his life trully depended of listening to you.

" I won't let you go! I know how to defeat Jason, you just have to trust me. "

The basketball player was frankly weirded. Still angry, but his lack of contextual orientation to whatever you were thinking to be doing temporally overcame his desire to punch Eddie in the face.

He was accidentally incarnating one of the lapsus of confussion Jason Vorhees could sometimes had in the films before resuming the chase for his victims.

Perfect moment for you to iniciate the end of the third act taking off your jacket to reveal a striped sweater in matching colors with the Tigers.

" Look at me Jason!! Look! Come over here … " You began to call him in the sweetest tone. " Do you recognize this? You are in home, honey.. It's gonna be ok, I'll take care of you!"

Your friends were laughing uncontrolably and you realized that even a guy in the jock's table was holding his chuckles. Probably only just for the excessive female nudity of the franchise, but he must have watched the film your joke was referencing. Not missing the chance to expose it, you smiled at him and his amusement turned inmediately into disgust.

" Friday the 13 Th Part 2, just in case you want to rent it for the weekend. " You explained to Jason after abandoning the character. " My interpretation didn't stick completely to the source material, but I found this sweater in a thrift store and inmediately thought of you. Eddie insisted we had to save it for the next Friday the 13 Th. "

" Meaning that you got that cheap sweater in my team's colours and prepared a scene arround it just to annoy me. " Jason summarized out loud, clearly fed up with all the freaks. " At least i can say you took too many bothers to get my attention in this oddly specifical charade. "

" Bullshit! He is pissed off, only tries to hide it because he lost. " Eddie quickly corrected. " We made it, sweetheart!!"

You both hi fived each other and rushed in the opposite direction, but hubris made Eddie deliver one last comeback on the way.

" Happy Friday 13 Th, Carver !!!! Don't get in the lake!!! "

Despite he did enjoy the thrill, Jonnathan was giving you judgamental looks as you reached him.

" … If i get targeted again for this."

Eddie patted him on the shoulder cheerfully before reassuring him.

" Chill, man! His feud is against us, you are totally safe. "

" That was freaking awesome! " You followed the cheers. " Don't lie to me, I saw it in your eyes. You are as excited as me. "

You had a point and he couldn't deny it.

" Fine, it was quite fun … Not as satisfying as punching Steve, but still. "

Eddie clearly supported the posibility of finding someone to complain about Harrington with that you couldn't object to. Besides, he was a big fan of the referenced episode.

" I heard all about it, the freak that kicked his bully's ass and stole his girlfriend … I just want you to know that Hellfire considers you a hero. You will always be welcome among us. "

His most inmediate answer was an awkward smile.

" Thanks. I really appreciate it, but i would like to keep my girlfriend. "

They chuckled and Eddie's was the loudest.

" Good call, man! Good call. "

Something in the specifical way Eddie choose to congratulate Jonnathan made you feel uneased. Probably because you were just jealous imagining he could want to steal his bully's girlfriend too if he had the same chance.

" Eds, if we were in a horror movie. Do you really think we would be the romantically coded final girl and last kill boy sacrificing himself so she could make it to the final fight?" You asked him as you were walking thowards the Hellfire table. " I mean, I won't do well as a final girl. To be one you need more than just be the virgin ... "

The joke may have been themed as a different thing, but you were masquerading your will to figure out if that was the case.

" ... And most times they aren't unwanted freaks, they are normal cute girls just too shy to approach their crush or too nervous to let their boyfriends convince them of sleeping together. "

He wasn't sure of where the point was going, but didn't mind to indulge you.

" Realistically, I would be the guy who dies alone getting high in the woods. " He mocked himself. " but i do think you could be a final girl. Although a rare breed we don't often get blessed with, freak girls tend to be passionate horror fans. You know all the rules to survive, my prediction is that you would make it and at the end of the film Harrington would be asking you out. "

The answer deviated from the path you expected.

" I thought you would accuse Steve of being the asshole jock dying in the sex scene. "

" As a judge I'm cruel, but fair. That has to be Hargrove, Harrington has higher chances of making it if he sticks with you. "

That made you laugh for reasons he could never possibly understand. In real life, Steve was the resourcefull fighter.

" Would you believe me if I tell you that Steve is a final girl ? "

He was laughing harder then, untill your softly delivered conclussion stopped it.

" I would like to make it with you too … It would be a refreshing change for the slasher formula. "

Eddie wasn't sure of it, but for an instant he choose to treat himself imagining you said you wanted to be with him in a very freakish way.

" There is no way i could make it. Ríght now i can tell you I would die for you. "

[wishcamper]

Heavy Lies the Crown: Rhysand, greatness, and the pressures of power

Or: the librarian’s daughter, former playwright, licensed counselor mashup of my nightmares dreams because I am vast, I contain multitudes.

No content warnings and no real HOFAS spoilers, I don't think, other than that he's in it but I feel like you know that by now. Spoilers for Breaking Bad (lol).

---

In working on my current fic (on ao3 here!) I've been thinking a lot about Rhysand and how he really goes off the rails in ACOSF and HOFAS. It's easy to chalk it up to poor writing, but I like the challenge of trying to make it make sense. What are Rhys’ motivations, truly? What would explain the vast array of heinous shit he does the text tells us is justified?

Rhys is shown over and over to be quite Machiavellian ('ends justify the means' dude, who was maybe writing satire). It's easy to list the times he shows this. The 50 year Velaris hostage situation. The bargain UTM with Feyre. The Weaver's cottage. Stealing the Book from Tarquin. CLARE BEDDOR. Infiltrating people's minds. Torture. Assassination. Allying with Kier. Concealing his wife's medical information. Being an ass to people in general. According to Mr. Machiavelli, any action is warranted if it the goal it achieves is morally important enough.

It seems like Rhys can justify anything to himself if he believes it will serve the greatest good at the end of the day. He does so many things with the air of “it’s for your own good” or “you’ll understand why one day” but that day never.. comes? Not yet anyway, which begs the question: is he that unself-aware, or is there a longer game he’s playing that all of these minor skirmishes are leading up to? What if he knows what's coming? And what kind of cause or threat would feel so great he could justify everything he does up to this point?

Okay I'm gonna talk about Aristotelean literary structure, please don't leave me.

The idea of a tragic hero is a character whose downfall is inevitable but who fights against it anyway. Hamlet is a classic example of a tragic hero, Oedipus being the de facto first, Walter White from Breaking Bad a more modern version. We see Walt learn he’s going to die in the first episode, in the middle he does a bunch of stuff to prevent his physical death (cancer) and metaphorical death (failure/obscurity), and then both his body and reputation die in the last episode as a direct result of his attempts to avoid fate. It’s blissful Aristotelean symmetry. *chef’s kiss*

Every tragic hero has hamartia, more commonly known as a ‘fatal flaw’. In Hamlet, his fatal flaw is procrastination, and his delays create space for all kinds of the fuck shit he was trying to prevent. It’s important to note that hamartia is by design a neutral term - not so much a flaw, but a trait, motivation, or decision that sets off the chain of events the character is trying to avoid. Tragedies have occurred equally from too much love as too much hate, and doing nothing is just as much a decision as doing something. The word itself comes from the Greek for ‘to miss the mark’. To try and fail, the backbone of tragedy.

One of the most common hamartia is hubris, a modern synonym for arrogance but which more specifically means an outsized belief in one’s ability to affect and control the future. Well-known tragic heroes taken down by hubris include our boy Walter White, Tony Soprano, Viktor Frankenstein, Achilles, Jay Gatsby, Kendall from Succession. It exists in real life, too: Lance Armstrong is a perfect example of a modern tragic hero brought down by hubris. And what do all these men have in common? Power, via money, fame, strength, the state, intellect, violence etc.

I’ve been enjoying looking at Rhysand through this tragic hero lens because while it doesn’t really make him more sympathetic, it does make his actions easier to understand logically, which is its own kind of humanization. If Rhysand is aware of a prophesied or fated event sometime in the future and is pulling the cosmic strings now, it must be incredibly important, like annihilation-level important, which is so much pressure. 

So he grows to maturity with an understanding that he will one day have to face this intense evil that could completely destroy his world, and it plants in him a hubris. He believes that his immense power grants him a certain amount of influence automatically. And honestly, is he wrong?

And this is where it’s important to think about how power makes people weird. Power gives people a false sense of confidence in their actions and choices, because their status and privilege protect them from so many more consequences. In this way it’s easy to see how someone can get a big ego - no one is stopping me, so I must be doing well! Or: everything is going well for me, so I must be really killing it! I know I feel that way in the first tingles of hypomania, but hypomania is fundamentally a distortion of reality and I believe so is power.

Power not only gives people confidence but also access to make decisions for others. They begin to think they should share the success they’ve found by leading and guiding others to see how great it can be if you do what they say. Just look at one of those cringe 'billionaire morning routine' videos to see what I mean. It’s a very patronizing form of altruism, because the leader genuinely believes they have the people’s interest at heart. And I use the word patronizing intentionally - leaders have often referenced feeling paternal towards their people, Winston Churchill + FDR, 'God the Father'. Power and fatherhood have been linked for a long time. And direct from our girl Wikipedia, "paternalism is action that limits a person's or group's liberty or autonomy and is intended to promote their own good".

I was talking with a girlfriend of mine recently about how I think some men don’t have the experience of other people depending on them in a significant way until they get married and/or become fathers. Like, afab and femme people learn very early to be considerate of others, to think about how others feel, to act in ways that keep others happy, etc. This plants in us a sense of duty to perform in ways that please others, to smile, to create comfort and provide caretaking in every environment we enter. So by the time we get to marriage and motherhood, we already know how to put others’ needs before our own because we’ve been doing it from the jump.

For men, however, this can be a completely novel experience. And it seems like it's SO HEAVY FOR THEM. George ‘Father of his Country’ Washington just wanted to go back to Virginia the whole time he was President. So many men talk about the pressures of being a provider and their families depending on them in a way women don’t, and I think it’s because for the first time others truly depend on them and they don’t know how to handle it.

In response, they either shove down their emotions as patriarchy demands and have a midlife crisis, or they abdicate that responsibility and go completely absent physically and/or emotionally to continue living for themselves. (Obviously there are good men and dads out there, and bless you if you’re lucky enough to know, have, or be one.)

And this aspect of power feels relevant because from the text it seems like Rhysand is unraveling. Between Feyre, the baby, the Trove, Nesta and being threatened by her power, Koschei, Bryce, the whole High King shit - I think he’s starting to crack under the pressure. And honestly, I’m kind of surprised it didn’t happen before now.

According to Aristotle, the tragic hero must:

Be significant (virtuous/capable/powerful/important etc.)

Be flawed

Suffer a reversal of fortune.

Rhysie boy definitely ticks the first two. I wonder what it would look like to get to three? I don’t think Sarah has the balls, but it’s definitely enhanced my reading experience and given me a lot of interesting things to think about.

Okay that's all I've got. Love ya, see ya soon xx

[binary5tar1117]

Hi hi hi! I'd love to know more about your Pit Babe/Firefly au!

Hi! I'm sorry for taking forever to respond. I really do appreciate the tag and ask, there has just been a plague upon my house recently 😭(My daughter and I got stomach bugs, it was miserable but we're better now!)

So the Pit Babe/Firefly AU...

If you are familiar with Firefly, it actually weirdly fits really well with Pit Babe? At least in my brain. Like the X-Hunter family translates to a ship crew pretty easily with Alan as Captain, Way as First Mate and Babe as Pilot, North, Sonic, and Dean as mechanic/crew members/security. With my WayBabeCharlie inclination this also matches because in the show the pilot and the first mate were married. (Though Wash is literally as far from Babe as you can get on every axis of measure lol) So there's that part.

But then in Firefly there's a character who sorta has super powers she got from being experimented on or something at a "school" she went to because she was really smart. Her brother breaks her out and they flee the authorities. Seems a little familiar right? So Charlie and Jeff get cast as River and Simon.

In the show the crew of the Serenity are smugglers. They end up taking a job and going back on it because it's basically stealing medicine from sick people. So in my version it would be Winner, working for Tony, asking them to smuggle some cargo, except it's kidnapped kids. So they don't. In Firefly this results in the captain and the pilot being tortured but it's also like a bonding moment? Then the rest of the crew has to come rescue them. I feel like there's the possibility for some parallels here with the ending of Pit Babe.

Kenta would still be there as a middle man between Way and Tony. Pete could still show up to try to take Tony down legally. But I never figured out how to work Kim in 😬It would still be ABO with powers and stuff.

The problem is while I was planning this out is when I got into Ateez and my fic writing shifted fandoms. So I tried to pivot it to Ateez but the ot3 I wanted to substitute for Way/Babe/Charlie didn't really work. It felt really ooc to make them as manipulative as Way lol But I still really like how well the mashup worked and I put a lot of pointless planning into it after switching to Ateez so I'm not quiet ready to relegate it to the Never Gonna Happen pile yet.

If you actually get through all that, thank you! Happy Holidays if you celebrate them or just happy weekend 😊💛

[venture-through-the-mist]

I’ve been thinking once again about how awesome the Lotus Radiant design is (this is like…a biweekly occurrence for me XD). I 100% expect that these things have been said before, but I still wanted to post this lol. This is going to have some spoilers for The New War, so the full post is under the cut.

All of the Lotus skins are amazing in their own rights, but there’s something about the Lotus Radiant skin that keeps it near and dear to my heart, and I think it’s just how obviously it takes inspiration from Natah. I mean, we all know that the generic Lotus skin is pretty much just ‘Margulis but helmet’. This makes sense (obviously) for her story-wise, since before the events of TNW she was meant to be mimicking Margulis and whatnot, even if she had made somewhat of a name for herself/‘The Lotus’ in the interim between the Old War and the Apostasy Prologue. Even just looking at the colors and shapes of her clothes and helmet, we get this sense that pre-TNW Lotus was meant to be kind, soft, obedient, moldable. Everything that Ballas had wished Margulis was.

And yet, like Margulis, Lotus didn’t fit that ideal. Not really. And her choice in appearance at the end of The New War really cements that for me. Instead of Margulis’s light purples and greys, she takes on much darker colors, colors more reminiscent of Natah’s palette of dark greys—nearer to black than grey, really—, silver, and a very bright blue for the lights on her body. But of course, it isn’t as simple as Lotus rejecting Margulis in favor of Natah, because the Radiant skin still has hints of the Archimedean’s touch in the gold accents and the streaks of blueish-purple in her outfit. She isn’t going full Sentient Queen, but she’s no longer the mimic of the human caretaker anymore either. She’s both, and yet she’s something else entirely. Even her helmet is something ‘other’ now, its previously rounded edges dismissed in favor of sharper ones, with crests that I can only describe as ‘alien’-like. It’s Sentient in its design…sort of. And yet, the crests are sharper and more elaborate than anything we see on any of the other Lotus skins, Natah and Eido-Lotus included.

The Radiant skin is a beautiful combination of the design motifs for both Margulis and Natah, but it also adds some unique elements that distinguish it from simply being a mashup of the two. It distinguishes Lotus from simply being a mashup of the two. It’s quite possibly the first real choice that Lotus has ever been able to make for herself, and it was made in an instant. In that split second where she killed Ballas, that split second where she was brought back from the verge of death (once again), Lotus chose to embrace Natah, the very figure that she has been distancing herself from ever since the ‘Natah’ quest (and even before that, really). She chose to embrace Margulis, the parts of her that really mattered at least, not the altered memories that Ballas forced into her mind. She’s chosen to accept (or begin to, at least) that without those two, she would not exist, and that, even with that being the case, she is not simply Natah’s body + Margulis’s mind. The road ahead will be long and full of struggles for all three of them as they adjust and try to heal, but the first move is this very choice.

[sleepy-timaeus]

been in a steven universey mood lately. ive also got an au brewing in my head. steven + the gems & humans in the world of the owl house (my phone changed it to "owo" before i could even put the 'L' 😭 i hate this new autocorrect update bro).

i dont want it to be an exact 1:1 of everyone fitting other's roles, but a few of them will be (like no one is taking amity's role of antagonistic to friendship to romance, but connie will be in luz' starting role of a human coming into the demon realm, and i do plan to have a golden guard & someone in lilth's place) and im contemplating having pink and rose be separate characters (for Reasons ™ 👁️). and as of right now, there's gonna be some time travel shenanigans in the backstory of the crystal gems, bc it's necessary for how steven is born 😭 (i had a very specific idea of what i wanted steven to be mixed with & how the crystal gems are connected to rose... do u see where this is headed??!)

anyway. this is why i drew steven with pointy ears in the left doodles lol. those were based on screenshots from the show & i re-found most of them. funnily enough, i couldn't find the ref for the doodle i liked the least 😭 it has disappeared !!

ty for reading my somewhat vague rambling. i hope to start writing soon but ya boy gotta iron out some concepts n stuff. i could name the au something that's a clever mashup of both show's names, but im not sure yet 🤔 steven's house, universe house, the universe owl, the owl universe, the gem house, the crystal house, steven's coven, steven's witches & demons...

yeah. i'll think of something eventually. also open to suggestions this—the su x toh au about a human girl meeting a magical boy, who's probably gonna have some horns (similar to his 'corrupted' form in su: future)

my references and some progress pictures.

[tema-makes-art-sometimes]

Main Hetalia AU List [as of 2025]

These are the main AU's I mess with on the side that I try to talk about and may or may not fail. Ask about them at any time lol.

This does not mention the AU ask blogs: @asking-cardverse (The Main Cardverse) @dreamweaver-inquires (the 2p Dreamtalia one)

#alovelysanitorium - A post war 1950's set hospital AU that explores mental illness, physical illness, a world torn apart by war and the morality of those who have lost everything, and what they have decided to do with their lives after.

#sevensinsau - A demons and angels based AU I have been playing with that exists alongside the canon nationverse where beings of divinity play with mortal and non mortal alike for the sake of entertainment.

#horrificards - A canon compliant cardverse AU that explores ideas of a mashup of historical chaos and fantastical magic. It plays with the idea of the dark sides of the common symbols of each of the suits; time, love, wealth and luck.

#miraclesinvierles - A magical girl style AU based around the show Miraculous Ladybug, where once upon a time a group of heroes were protecting the city of Vierles, but they haven't been seen in over two decades... until the old villain appeared again supposedly...

#twistedtalia - A Hetalia meets Twisted Wonderland AU where the nations are in a fantasical world based on different classical movies and folk stories, attending a college similar to Gakuen Hetalia.

#mmmmm - The Magically Mired Micronations’ Miscellaneous Mysteries; AKA a silly AU I have set in the early 1890's where all the nations are living or centered around a small town in England, focuses on the micro-nations solving mysteries.

#hetahappyhavoc - A Hetalia killing game that's set to be similar to the storyline of Danganronpa; Trigger Happy Havoc, this was created as a joke and I started to taking it seriously, and now it rots in the back of my head which makes me suffer.

#gemtalia - A silly personified rocks AU based on a couple different shows and concepts, finally turning the rock people into rock people. The adventure of inhuman humans trying to protect the world they were now stranded on.

#theheavenstales - A Hetalia godverse AU that focuses on the deification of people and general theology, squabbles between the gods that are meant to embody all that is good of humanity but must learn they are as imperfect as what they created. Has a major overall story about accepting that pain is inevitably part of life.

Special Mentions:

Pokemon AU - Nothing special, just building a region focused around the nations as the different trainers and gym leaders you meet. If I knew how to code pokemon rom-hacks I would make one of this but for now I just make ideas for team moves rosters and general sillies.

Candytalia - A candy/sweets themed AU, nothing crazy yet. I have some scattered thoughts but nothing major.

Chessverse - a fantastical magical world where the nations are different pieces on the chess board. I was planning to make a whole AU for it but it overlaps too much with @asking-cardverse and #horrificards rn, and doesn't have an identity of its own yet. I need to come up with something for the world so its not just *another* fantasy setting.

Butterfly Garden - A Romance/Psychorror focused around my 2p America and his body and dreamscape being infested with arcana butterflies and living flowers that love him body mind and soul and want nothing more than to take root in him, mentally, and physically. It's a fucked up thing I play with every once in a while in my discord server that might breech containment if I ever have time to do art for it.

[There are probably more, but these are the ones I remember.]

[myfavouritelunatic]

Writer Asks

Thank you so much for tagging me @yletylyf @demonscantgothere @theriverwild @thrillofhope and @coraleethroughthelookingglass! Feeling the love! (and finally finding the time to do this haha :P)

How many works do you have on AO3? 17!

What's your total AO3 words count? 225,854 (the most I've ever written in a year in my LIFE)

What fandoms do you write for? The Rings of Power. But starting to dabble in general Tolkienverse/Legendarium.

What are your top five fics by kudos? - Your Blood, Your Power - Made the Pieces Part of Me - I Felt It Too - The Blacksmith - Barred

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Always (unless in a rare couple cases when I've had some odd or negative ones.) I think engaging with the readers is super important, and I love when I comment on other author's fics and they respond to me, so I happily do the same!

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hmmm that's a tough question. Probably my first piece 'I Felt It Too', even though I write a kiss into the infamous log scene, it still doesn't end happily for Haladriel. Feels!

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'd say maybe 'Shake Like the Bough of a Willow Tree' because it's a version of Haladriel's first time together and it ends with them just being happy and in love.

Do you get hate on fics? So far I've been lucky to only receive two hateful comments (they weren't really hateful just misunderstood and harsh) on one of my fics. Basically they disagreed with something I made the 'reader' do in The Blacksmith and felt inclined to let me know. Was an interesting experience.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Oh yes I write smut haha. I mostly write het smut but have written a little f/f and m/m stuff as well. The Blacksmith even has a m/f/f threesome in it! I don't mind writing darker stuff either, so you'll typically find blood, biting, and choking kinks in my smut too.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've written? I don't yet write crossovers but I may dabble down the line. Never say never! My latest fic 'And Horror And Madness Walked' is sorta a crossover/mashup between TROP and The Silm, so that's as close as I've gotten.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge, nope.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope but totally open to it if someone ever wants to!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No I haven't, but if I ever did, I know exactly who I'd do it with - my partner in crime @pursuitseternal ❤️

What's your all time favourite ship? Definitely Haladriel/Saurondriel. No ship has EVER compelled me to write so much.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I have a Galadriel x Female Reader fic called 'Ensnared' I started a few months back that got put to the side when 'Your Blood, Your Power' took off. I would love to go back to it, mostly because I had a lot of fun writing the Gal x Fem Reader pairing in 'The Blacksmith', but I don't know when I will if ever. Hopefully one day.

What are your writing strengths? Twists! haha. I love a good twist and have been told I'm quite good at writing them. I also write poetry so any chance I get to write more poetic sounding prose I absolutely love.

What are your writing weaknesses? Sometimes I think my vocab needs expanding. Thesaurus.com is my best friend haha. I have a habit of reusing words I think. Also planning my fics. I need to get better at planning my fics. Somehow lol.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? The only instance I believe of me ever doing so was using some elvish in 'The Blacksmith'. That was fun. I love the creativity of using different languages in your story, it really helps with the immersion.

First fandom you wrote for? It was never published of course, but when I was in early high school I wrote (and never finished) two Harry Potter reader insert fics. What I would give to read them back now hahaha. Bless 14 year old me.

Favourite fic you've ever written? Oh boy this is tough... it has to be The Blacksmith. Only because I'm so proud of what I achieved with that story. The longest thing I've ever written (102k) and complete with twists and turns that I cannot even believe I conceived and wrote. Plus the response I got from those that read it was so damn nice and I still think about some of the reactions I got on it. And I literally have made friends for life because I wrote and posted that story. It changed EVERYTHING for me. I'm so proud of it and so thankful it exists. Tagging (apologies if you've already done it): @pursuitseternal @heronamedhawks @gil-galadhwen @scriberated @youwearfinethingswellwriter @somebirdortheother @ichabodjane @klynnvakarian @90shaladriel @hazelmaines @myrsinemezzo @nenyabusiness @tmwillson3 @jhalya @hikarielizabethbloom

[merrilark]

I don't normally dream I'm not myself, but last night I dreamt I was Patrick Jane in a sort of... cyberpunk mashup between TM and D:BH where Android tech has evolved to help save human lives (like prosthetics or replacing organs with Android "organs"). Naturally, some people wanted Android pieces just because they liked how they looked, or wanted the advantage that robotic parts could give them, so what started as emergency modifications was turned into fashion statements among the wealthy elite. LEDs, fake therium pumps, and anything that flashed and glowed were favorites for the visual novelty.

Patrick was one of the former. After almost catching Red John, he slipped up, and one of Red John's acolytes almost killed him before RJ (irritated, not ready for their game to be done yet) killed the acolyte. He called the DPD, left an anonymous tip, said goodbye to Patrick, and left him to bleed, knowing that the DPD would come. If he lived, good, if he died... Well, that was unfortunately part of the game, too, but he wasn't above giving him the chance.

So, anyways, long story short, Patrick almost died and underwent some very experimental procedures. He was saved like a modern RoboCop with an Android torso, irises, and an arm from fingers to elbow. The weird thing is that his new Android parts had joints that would glow and work like an LED would?? And he couldn't hide that glow with "skin" so he was just very obviously cybernetic no matter what. Anyway. It took a lot of adjustment and physical therapy, which he wasn't happy about bc A) he'd been so close to catching RJ and B) he was wasting time when he should be following leads.

The dream sort of lost it's way at this point, and didn't really have a story to tell. But I dreamt Patrick, Grace, and Wayne were investigating a murder that led them to a high end restaurant and bar. While talking to suspects, Patrick was confronted with the realization that one of their suspects, the one he was talking to, was an Android/Cyborg chaser. He tried to flirt with Patrick and was pretty gross and open about how objectifying he was of Androids, and how envious he was of Patrick. So Patrick excused himself for his coat in the DPD van—actually using the excuse to go out, find the guy's convertible, and yank the top down. It was raining. He knew what he was doing.

Then back inside. Smug and ready to keep investigating.

Except the guy, somehow, found out. Security cameras or something, probably, on his car. Patrick is apparently no better with flashy tech than he is in canon and a fight almost broke out.

I woke up just as Grace and Wayne were de-escalating and Connor (??? don't know where he came from) was escorting Patrick out.

It was very, very strange but I'm kinda down for the AU lol

[gokartkid]

for the combine 2 fics question: there’s no need to be brave and your succession AU (AMAZING fic btw!!!)

realising that im so bad at remembering my fic titles rn

❖ pick 2 fics and I’ll combine them somehow

okay there's no need to be brave is max's internal crisis about having kids with daniel and introspection about his own generational trauma and cycle of parenting etc.

so lets say in succession au that max and daniel start actually dating like outside of the weird psychosexual homoerotic low commitment thing they have going on right now. aaand lets say max loses (the company) but wins (being a human and being with daniel) and uses the very considerable funds from his payout to take a break and then just get into like. rich people childrens charity work but he's really genuine about it (this also causes him to think about kids and start going through his crisis early, which leads to him already thinking he would like to have kids)

daniel and him go out to dinner with daniels sister, then MAX starts talking about the kids they're going to have together, and then this time because they're both just, worse emotionally than the max/daniel in the og fic (well adjusted communicators) daniel has MASSIVE commitment issues he hasn't sorted out yet and totally shuts down max but tries to joke about it like "oh but we don't want to be tied down yet, I mean have you ever tried to take kids on vacation, jesus hahaha"

and max obviously feels really hurt and suddenly that daniel isn't as serious about this relationship as he is, and is like daniel you aren't listening to me, but then daniel feels like, stifled and is like why are you even bringing this up out of nowhere etc. etc. ARGUMENT

daniel leaves because he has to cool off and can't be in the same house as max to do that, max feels really hurt because he's like well i do want to be a dad but also when i think about it it makes me want to puke and i start getting this really weird feeling in my stomach (anxiety) that i thought i was getting past but this conversation with daniel didn't help

daniel vents to michelle but like halfway through hes like oh fuck. actually this is such a me problem. ive never been in a real committed relationship before and this is freaking me out and this is why i feel so weird.

and then they have another conversation and then blah blah blah gay sex

is how i would write a mashup LOL thank you!!!

[carnalapples]

hi bestie 👯‍♀️ i come bearing asks:

😚 A fic you like writing more than other fics?

😅 Was there a fic/chapter that you were nervous about posting? Why?

👀 What’s an idea you had for a fic that you never did anything with?

Thank you Rowan!! A wonderful way to procrastinate, haha

😚 A fic you like writing more than other fics?

With my current WIPs, the favorite changes with the wind, lol! I'll love writing something one week and then it's like pulling teeth the next. Right now, the fic I like writing more than other fics is probably cut down at the garden's gate, because I'm still in that early stage where I'm having a lot of ideas and it feels super new! I feel like a lot of my other fics are almost to a stopping point, and the prospect of going back to edit them is very overwhelming, haha!

I also had my newest brainworm after watching Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, where there's a ten year gap after two of the characters make a huge decision, and that was just too tempting to not do anything about... so I've been scribbling about that, but not sure if it's enough to call a fic yet!

😅 Was there a fic/chapter that you were nervous about posting? Why?

I was nervous about posting the second chapter of rivers, because I didn't know how people would react to the plot, and I wanted to make the situation seem somewhat realistic and not like anyone was totally in the right or wrong. I think I'm happy with how it ended up, but I was writing and rewriting to get there!

I was also nervous about and it's peaceful in the deep for similar reasons, making sure I treated the subject matter with the right tone.

👀 What’s an idea you had for a fic that you never did anything with?

I had to scroll back in my notes for this because I have a lot of ideas that I just. forget! Some sillier ones:

A DAO x Zelda mashup where Alistair has to take the throne from Cailan and the Warden is essentially his bodyguard

an Inquisition vampire AU with blood magic (which I didn't realize I thought through as much as I did lol; it may be time to return)

an Inquisition western AU

a modern Thedas witness protection AU

Sometimes I just need to exorcise the idea lol and then I don't do anything with it...

[notebookmusical]

Hi! How was your week and Thanksgiving? I hope you enjoyed it and that you've been doing okay and aren't sick anymore. Honestly feel the same way about Thanksgiving like I do Halloween..just another day. Ooh I wanted to know when your Eras Tour date was and which night you were going and manifesting your favorite surprise songs for you! What do you think they would be or what are you hoping for? I know you'll be happy anyway but I'm thinking she'll do really good ones for her last shows so there's that! I'm pretty sure she won't announce anything though but it would always be a fun surprise lol. I'm surprised she never did a New Years Day and Long Live mashup that was from rep tour, again..so that would be one of my guesses! I was also able to get the anthology and tour book which I think are just cool to have. I feel lucky that I got to go to at least one show and I hope you have the best time!

Hmm..that isn't a big surprise to me either about R and J...the only interesting to me would be the cast I think and I also agree about the Gypsy cast. But thats not surprising to me since you love the Notebook musical so much, and I think Audra will be amazing. Omg I didn't think of how they will do it on tour but I'm also excited for it. It's fine..I haven't read anything either lol. At this point, I hope it changes in the new year but I always say that lol. No pressure to get to it obviously but omg what bootleg do you have? I only have one from previews so I'm just curious. I'm not even entirely sure of the differences but I think it's only little things honestly. The biggest thing I think is they changed one song from a duet to a solo and I love the duet sooo much more. I would be curious what you would think lol. So are you going to listen to the music first or just watch the bootleg? I just wonder how it would be different, cuz I only listened first and so I judged the differences more so idk what I would recommend but it's up to you or what you usually do.

Yes Merrily was great! The music has mostly stuck with me. What are your favorite songs from it? I completely forgot they were making a movie..it didn't even cross my mind while watching it, just the ProShot lol. So I think the proshot will be better than the movie but I just can't visualize the movie yet and it obviously won't be out for a while. I'm finally going to listen to Merrily and other musicals this week. I did watch the Thanksgiving parade performances which were Hells Kitchen, Death Becomes Her, and The Outsiders. I enjoyed the Death Becomes Her performance and have heard parts of two to three other songs. It felt very much like a musical and I appreciated the divaness of some of the songs lol, and that almost reminded me of Smash but maybe because of Megan haha. What did your friend think? I hope it does well on Broadway but I wonder if people would think it didn't have a lot of depth and compare it to Gatsby or something, but it can still be a fun show. I wonder if it will be nominated for Tony's or not but maybe too soon to tell.

Speaking of Gatsby, Jeremy Jordan is leaving for another musical on Broadway, which is the revival of Floyd Collins. I did not expect it at all and am not familiar with the show, which is sort of exciting. Lizzy Mcalpine will also be in the musical and I'm pretty sure you're a fan of her. I am too, so it will be interesting if they will even sing together..I heard she plays a small part. I also wonder if it has Tony potential. I also heard a couple songs from Maybe Happy Ending which I liked, and also love Darren Criss..so I wonder if it will be a pretty strong Tony season after all. What do you think? Jonathan Groff is playing Bobby Darin in a bio musical and same with the Louis Armstrong one as well. Omg I hope you are able to go in the spring!

I'm glad you enjoyed Little Shop! Was it with Jeremy Jordan? That was the bootleg I was supposed to watch but never got to..I did see part of it but never finished. I love Skid Row soo much..it really sets up the show and the opener is more like a theme song. Were you able to follow the plot just by listening? I loved the way Joy and Christian sang their songs too.

Life has been okay mostly recently. I'm glad you felt okay enough to attend Sabrina's show and had fun! I saw the Wicked movie last weekend and Kimberly Akimbo this weekend so that was cool. So you first..how was seeing Wicked on tour? Was it different everytime since you saw it 3 times pretty close together? Were you able to pay attention to different things each time? Did you prefer the first or second act? How did it compare to or change your opinion of the movie? What did you think of the movie overall? For me, it was pretty good. We went to the last showing around midnight and there was only 3 other people besides us. The movie was good but still felt pretty long but I'm not sure why or how much it added. I've only seen the musical once but I'm sure you're pretty familiar with it now lol. Like every song felt drawn out for some reason. I liked everyone in the cast but there wasn't really a standout. I'm not even sure what my favorite scene or song was tbh..maybe No one Mourns the Wicked, what is this feeling or Popular. Dancing through Life and Defying Gravity's scenes felt too long to me. Also for some reason..maybe cuz we were the last showing...but the theater kept the lights on the whole movie which was distracting for a while and in the dark scenes.I'm really not sure why and it was too late to complain but maybe that affected some enjoyment. People really seem to love it a lot and I think it was good but idk. It just felt like something was missing but I don't have many complaints..I just wasn't wowed or impressed. Maybe it will be better to watch with Part 2.I loved the cameos from Idina and Kristin too but couldn't remember if that was even in the musical lol. Anyway what was your favorite scene or song in the movie and overall opinion?

I liked Kimberly Akimbo but it wasn't my favorite. I knew a basic plot and not much else but I got rush tickets and had good seats so it was worth it. If you have good seats, it always makes me like a show more so I'm glad you got to see Wicked up close. The only other show I got that close was CATS which made it a more memorable experience. Anyway I liked some songs but I'm not even sure you would get the whole plot just by listening. As a show, I think I would compare it to Fun Home or Dear Evan Hansen based on the songs and plot. It's basically about a teenage girl and her dysfunctional family but she ages really fast. It is somewhat serious but also lighthearted with some silly songs so it's not as similar to something like Next to Normal..but it does have teens in it too so I'm unsure. The show felt pretty short too even if it wasn't and it wasn't a very plot heavy show. I would recommend it if you wanna listen but I guess it's kinda hard to describe. I almost thought of Waitress too but not quite..but I hope you have fun seeing that show!

I'm glad you had fun at Sabrina's show and were able to make it. I'm sure her performance and singing Mamma Mia was great. Did you have any other favorite songs to see live? That sounds so awful and I hope you're still doing okay and I hope you have a good time at eras next..I can't believe the tour is over that soon! Are you excited for the TTPD section..I wish I could see it but am also happy with the show I got. I haven't listened to Gracie yet but will soon. I can't believe us got nominated for a Grammy but it was cute when she performed it with Taylor. I'm rooting for anyone at Grammys at this point. Also..the Notebook musical and the Outsiders got nominated for a Grammy..but I'm not sure what will win in that category lol. I'm listening to the Wicked movie version again, and the Wiz that got nominated for a Grammy and also the Warriors album this week. What are you listening to lately? What do you think will be on your Wrapped which is coming soon? Have you done any reading at all? I hope you have a fantastic week!!!

helloooo friend! my week is good! how was your november? i'm answering this real quick before i have to pick up my friend — we're going up to vancouver tomorrow, and our eras show is friday! 🤍

two of the girls i'm going with love reputation, so maybe a reputation song for them would be great! personally, i'd love something from debut or fearless or speak now or red, but would be happy with anything, truly! i think my mom is really hoping for something from debut/fearless/speak now too! i saw the koi fish guitar was taken out of the museum, so i'm hoping we'll get long live again! i would really love that, even though i was super lucky and got to hear it last year! i didn't get the tour book, but i did manage to snag the vinyl online — it should be here right after my birthday, which is super fun!

i finally finished my reread of the starless sea and the raven boys; started my the starless sea reread last january (like, january 2023) so it's a relief to be done. i honestly forgot how much i loved that book and how special it is to me. up next, i'm going to hopefully finish these violent delights by micah nemerever (which i have on audiobook through the library right now), and then i think my audiobook hold of the outsiders will be ready soon so hopefully i'll get around to listening to that before the holidays! the bootleg i have is from march, i believe! i think i'm going to do book → movie → bootleg, since i have it! i normally prefer listening to the cast recording first, then the bootleg, but i think since i'll have read the book and hopefully also watched the movie by then, i'll just jump straight into the bootleg? i also have to find time to watch the back to the future movie — my friend and i are seeing the musical in a few weeks! i know nothing about it! should be fun!

i lowkey wish that jonathan bailey was in the merrily movie instead of paul mecal! honestly, i don't even know if i believe the movie will come to fruition given that it's "taking 20 years to film" haha. and i like paul, just that i think that jonathan bailey would be phenomenal in it. favorite merrily songs for me are: not a day goes by, old friends, franklin shepard, inc., and of course, opening doors! what about you? i'm really intrigued by death becomes her; i love megan hilty, and i watched the movie a little bit ago and loved it — i'm so intrigued to see how they do the stunts and everything. it seems to have really good reviews, so i'm hoping that will translate to some good tony buzz too!

i had heard rumors of mike faist in floyd collins, so was a little bummed to see it was jeremy jordan — no disrespect to jeremy, just that i would love for mike to return to broadway! i love lizzy, super excited for her — i know she loves musicals, and is often on instagram live singing covers of showtunes, but have no idea how her acting skills will measure up! i hope maybe happy ending does well, their grosses are concerning me but i'm glad word of mouth is starting to help them a bit! they had really really good reviews, and i'm hoping they can last through the spring at least. and i'm really excited for groff/bobby darin! it doesn't look like the louis armstrong one is doing well grosses wise, which is a huge bummer :(

and yes to all for little shop! i do want to sit down and watch the movie at some point, but it's not a huge priority for me right now! wicked was great! i love wicked, although i do think i hit some wicked fatigue near the end of november (with the movie). i think that watching it three times and then the movie made the movie feel extra, extra long and i was annoyed about that haha. i saw three different boq's, which was fun, and an elphaba standby, which helped make things feel a little different — and i also saw it with different people, which i always find fun! i think act one is the 'better' act (in terms of pacing, storytelling) but act two has more of my favorite songs and moments, so it's a toss up! with the movie, i have many many thoughts — i was pleasantly surprised by how much i loved ariana's glinda, and was a little bummed with cynthia's elphaba (i did enjoy her, just thought she was a little bit more restrained/timid than i would like for an elphaba — very intrigued to see how she is in act two). i think her and jonathan bailey (who i adore!) felt too old on screen though, which ... they are! they're too old to convincingly play college students! but that's okay. i really loved the changes for nessarose's storyline (giving her more agency) and am excited to see what they do for act two. i really loved how they expanded on something bad (probably one of my favorite numbers in the movie), and i think having fiyero be introduced with his horse + having a good relationship with his horse was a good choice. and i liked that they had boq at the train station with nessa, meeting her father + nessa picking up on the fact that boq liked glinda. there are a few things i think they'll have to tie up for next movie, which i'm intrigued by — namely, the monkeys, etc. dancing through life felt so long but i didn't mind, but i did think one short day was LONG even though i loved the cameos. i wish the lighting and sound mixing were better though.... haha!

i've heard really good things about kimberly akimbo, so i'm truly very bummed to miss it! i'll have to hunt down a bootleg — and i do agree, having good seats definitely influences an experience! are you a cats fan?

in terms of music, i've been listening to a lot of wicked ... and that's pretty much it! i am an apple music listener, so we got our replays earlier this week but they'll keep updating through the end of the year. taylor is currently third for my most listened to artists, but we'll see if that changes after this weekend (i assume i'll be in charge of the aux cord while we're driving, and well....)! what's on your wrapped? i think today was spotify wrapped day! did you agree with things/were you surprised by anything?

i hope you're doing well and staying safe!! 🤍 hope you're having a good december!!

[bluewinnerangel]

DEMYYLWKDKDN how do you feel at the fact that louis added pretender by foo fighters to the tour playlist when u had it first in the songs he should rec playlist!???? i remember listening to it on your playlist and saving it a while ago and now😭

Okay you've just enabled me to go the fuck off about my own playlists.

I had to dig to find what you meant because my spotify library is getting a little insane but yesyesyse I thought you meant the songs louis hasn't recommended yet playlist (post), but The Pretender is in the teardrop and sabotage playlist (post), my lil larrie rage playlist I turn to when shits happening that makes my blood boil.

Ok but for the going the fuck off bit: HE'S RECCED SO MANY OF THIS STUFF SINCE. I love channeling Louis oh my god I'm so excited about this you have no idea (well you probably have a good idea because I keep yellin asdsf). So I was like ok I want a playlist in the likes of Louis' 28 songs and make something I think he'd make, right? So I made this just before his tour started:

And by now of those 28 songs he's recced:

Talking Heads - Road To Nowhere (Change Over playlist)

The Smiths - There Is a Light That Never Goes Out (Change Over playlist)

Pixies - Where Is My Mind (AFH one of three preshow songs / new Tour Bus Playlist)

The Killers - When You Were Young (new Tour Bus Playlist)

Notable mentions:

I also had put in Pulp - Common People in there? HAHA

Sidetrack: Also the DJ at AFH played Common People after Louis' set, which I'm choosing to take as a teaser from Louis himself there. Just throw that out where everyone can hear but nobody knows they should be listening. Perfect. Anyway so post-show it was like: We Are The Champions, followed by the DJ playing I Kissed A Girl x What You Know mashup and then Common People. SIDETRACK: As for that [the DJ playing music], I made a playlist of all songs I picked up in between bands here, which looks like they did get a playlist from louis but also put their own stuff in there, like there's loads coming from his Tour Bus Playlist but also a lot of Spanish songs were played I did not add to the playlist because I didn't know them them. So yeah a mix.

A lot of songs I picked because I know it's artists he listens to, so it's kinda cheating (like it starts off with The Snuts - Glasgow; he basically did rec that one but I mean I just want that song specifically yk), but then The Hives - Tick Tick Boom I plucked out of my own ass and now he's got Hate To Say I Told You So on his tour bus playlist and is playing it pre-show the last 2 shows and I'm just asjkljkslakj yes yes.

Then I had put in Radiohead twice (Lotus Flower, Karma Police), not based on much other than I think it's good and I think he'd think it's good, but all the public rec he had out there so far was just Creep which like doesn't really mean he likes Radiohead... I mean anyone would put Creep in their playlist without specifically listening to Radiohead beyond that, but since he's added Exit Music (For A Film) which has been on my H+L playlist for even longer because of REASONS ok, and Just. So that's some thumbs up there. Similar things with RHCP, Nirvana, Rage Against The Machine, and The Killers but then again. who doesn't. who wouldn't. us early 90s babies we do this shit to our playlists lol next.

Also the Van Morrison - Crazy Love is a funny one, because I put it on there as there's something about Golden that reminds me of Moondance (the album), so I got this other 28369th playlist somewhere I put "influences" besides songs and there's Golden paired with Crazy Love and Moondance, and that was kinda the thought process behind adding it to this rec list? Because I think this is something he tends to do: add songs that are influences behind 1d songs, his own, but also harry's. Because I mean the influences are songs they love and play it makes sense right right. We're just going in circles there. But point is not Crazy Love but Moondance appeared on the Change Over playlist, coolcoolcool.

And then for the Teardrop and sabotage playlist (again find it here and read the description of it before listening lol), which is a lil less BALRARHAHRGH response because it's got a bunch more like 64 songs on there and it wasn't meant like oh im only gonna pick songs he has never shown to like or anything, it's more like a sweet spot between a few songs they've shown to like in some way that fit the theme, some songs they haven't yet but totally would, and a few that I just like (like I'm not expecting a Slipknot rec out there anytime soon although it would be welcomed; I'm very hyped about the Rage Against The Machine and harder Nirvana ones), anyway here are the songs he's put on the Tour Bus Playlist the other day that were also on my larrie anger playlist:

Nirvana - In Bloom

The Vines - Get Free

Foo Fighters - The Pretender

Queens of the Stone Age - No One Knows

Inhaler - It Won't Always Be Like This

Green Day - American Idiot (Change Over)

(there's a bunch more songs that are in both playlists but I'm not gonna list them as they were already in his playlist when I created mine and so I'd again just be going in circles)

With most of these im going well yeah of course but then The Vines - Get Free I am once again aslkdjsaklj yes yes. yk?

(forever using @swimmingleo's drawing of @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk as a meme; actually i should do it with part 3)

.....that's enough of the LOOK WHAT I GOT RIGHT kinda whatever behavior this is and now for some thoughts, I think it's very interesting the Change Over playlist is very different from the new Tour Bus Playlist and like I've said before it looks to me like the tour bus one is teasing the sound of FITF, while the Change Over is made out of possible feel good singalongs post-show. Although it's interesting he's said in interviews DMAs was a big influence and that one's not on the list. I'm gonna look back on this playlist once FITF is out and see if theres suddenly patterns falling into place like an anagram solving itself lol because it really looks like it's chunks of songs (like 2-7 songs at a time) that sound similar, possibly corresponding to each song on FITF. That also means songs I put on my larrie fuck the system stop it to the ground anger list and songs I think he'd love to recommend are indeed the sounds he's going for on his album which, I can't even tell you how excited that makes me.

[clare-with-no-i]

Hello clare!! For the AU mashup thing: jily for 100 + 6

congratulations, this became a whole one-shot LOL. it’s a silly little thing and not worthy of posting on AO3, but…

tropes: bookstore AU and unexpectedly saving the day

A woman enters the bookshop through the old, glass-paneled front door, which is a very normal thing for a woman to do.  

What is not as normal is the way through which she enters it; nor the series of actions she performs shortly thereafter.

James is ringing a customer up for their murder mystery—a Michael Chabon novel, with a violently blue cover and the classic Chabon dilemma of not enough paper to hold the bombardment of Nabokovian descriptions he tries to fit in every other sentence—when a woman throws open the door to the bookshop and rushes inside.  The movement of her entrance is so quick and violent that it nearly appears as an action movie flash-cut.  One moment, the shop is quiet, complete serenity save for the slotting of paper bills into the register and the shuffling of books into paper bags; the next, there she is, and the only evidence that she hasn’t simply sprung from thin air is the startled jingling of the overhead bell and the way her red hair swishes over her shoulder, settling belatedly across her skin like a handprint of splintered sunset.

Huh.  Maybe Chabon isn’t so unreasonable, after all.

“That’ll be four pounds in cha—” James’s sale cuts off at the cacophony, and he pauses, gaze snapping to the door before he raises his volume to address the Tasmanian devil standing on his welcome mat.

“Er.” He clears his throat. Chabon Buyer holds his hand out, eyes on the four quid James is apparently withholding.  James ignores him. “Can I…help you?”

The woman looks over at him so suddenly he worries she might have cricked her neck.  He then wonders if she’s yet had time to breathe in between her various rushings.

“Oh, thank god!” She gasps, and James has to force himself not to ask what could have spurred such enthusiasm on her part—was she expecting to enter an unmanned store? Or was she, perhaps, just in the market for a handsome bookstore clerk to sweep her off her feet, and has been accosting every local bookseller until she could find one to her liking?

That second one seems unlikely, but a bloke can certainly dream.

She rushes over to the register, where Chabon Buyer has made the executive decision to grab the money out of James’s hand and make a heel-turn toward the door. Normally, James would worry that he might have just lost a customer, but the man’s been coming in every other day to ask about his order of the newest Michael Lewis release, so James is relatively certain he’ll be back until it comes.

Which it will, right after James decides to order it.

Anyway.

The pretty red-haired woman—for now that she’s within close range, it’s quite obvious that she really is very pretty, which is annoying and disarming and also doubly thrilling—stops in front of the register, a fact that inspires some measure of relief in James, because she’s been working at such a velocity up until now that it’s possible that she could just walk straight through the mahogany desk without even blinking.

“Hi,” she breathes, placing her hands on the desk, “sorry for the rushed entrance.”

“I didn’t even notice,” replies James—in the way that liars often do—with a grin. “How can I help you?”

“Well, the thing is…” she leans forward, and he does the same, partially out of interest in whatever it must be she’s looking for, and partially out of a more general, certainly-not-physical interest that begs for proximity. “I really, really need your help.”

“With…a book?”

“Yes.  No.  Well, kind of.”

“If you’re looking for kind of books, I can direct you to celebrity autobiographies in aisle four.” James sits back a bit on his heels to point diagonally across the store. “I’m reluctant to call them books at all, but it’s been explained to me that I’m not actually the arbiter of those things.”

The woman’s lips quirk, but she shakes her head, and her red hair swings to-and-fro, a soft swirling wave of crimson.

“It’s a bit of an odd case, I’ve got to admit.”

This piques James’s interest. “What do you mean?”

“Well…” She trails off and turns around to to examine the store for a brief moment, as though trying to suss out nearby eavesdroppers. “So, this guy I know wrote a book, and he, er—well.  He, um…dedicated it to me?”

“Oh.” James clears his throat and straightens slightly.  Having a book dedicated to you is quite a big deal—she’s probably here to buy up every copy he has in print, lug them back to this guy in thanks, and then otherwise shower him in affection.  Not that James should care, of course, having only met her mere minutes ago.  And really, past a passing acknowledgement of how objectively appealing she is and an interest in whatever might have brought her so blusteringly into his shop, there’s really nothing that notable—

“…So I need to find every copy you have and tear out the dedication page.”

Wait.  What?

The woman laughs, which leads James to believe that he’s just said that thought out loud.  But it really isn’t an irrational response to what she’s said, because…what?

“I know, I know.  Weird.”

One of James’s hands—possibly of its own volition and completely independent of any messaging from his brain—shoots up into his hair and gives it a futile ruffle.  He realizes that he’s standing stock-straight and, therefore, slightly towering over this woman, so he leans back down to rest both arms on the desk.  

“No,” he says, attempting to be casual with an approximately equal level of futility as the earlier hair-ruffling, “not at all.  Er.  May I ask—”

“Why?” She cuts him off blithely, and then she takes a deep breath; as though in preparation to launch into a winding Shakespearean monologue.  It occurs that she’s probably run through this explanation multiple times.  In fact, he’s a bit tempted to phone up the other book shops in this part of London and ask, any chance you were ambushed by a redheaded woman with a very strange request?

“I was going to ask your name, actually,” he hears himself saying. “But I’ll take a backstory as well.”

The woman pauses, brows drawing together.

“My name?”

Might as well double-down.

“Just to make sure it isn’t something like The Great London Book Vandal.”

She laughs loudly at this—mission accomplished—before recovering quickly to shoot him a mock-skeptical look. “Would be a bit self-importing to call myself The Great at anything, don’t you think?”

“Depending on how good you are at vandalizing books, I don’t think so.”

“Also—would I really want to announce myself like that? Especially to a proprietor of books, the thing which I’m being accused of vandalizing?”

“I hardly think it’s an accusation when you literally just said you wanted to do exactly that.”

“Yes, but to a specific book.  Not just willy-nilly; I’m not a monster!”

“Alright.  So, The Particular London Book Vandal, then.”

“The Vendetta-Based London Book Vandal.”

“Seeker of Literary Justice and Destroyer of Dedications.”

“Lily for short, though.  For brevity’s sake.”

Grinning, James sticks his hand out.  She’s funny—and now, odd request notwithstanding, she’s already his favorite customer of the day.  She sticks hers out and they shake, though she abandons it early to tilt her head and peer at his name-tag.

“James, then?”

“The one and only.”

“The one and only…James? Like, at all?”

“In the immediate vicinity.” He pauses. “As far as you know.”

“I suppose that’s true.”

The two settle into a comfortable silence.  It’s still early, and the shop is largely empty, save for a few regulars reading in the various cushioned nooks scattered throughout the store.  James is content just to observe his new acquaintance for a moment, before she clears her throat and straightens.

“So—I do want to explain why I’m here, actually…”

“Oh—” he’d nearly forgotten, “—right, right.  So, you want to tear out a dedication…for you?”

Lily places her hands flat on the desk, shoulders rolling back.  Ostensibly bracing for whatever it is she’s about to say. “Right.  So, I know this bloke—we used to be friends for ages, actually, until he became a dickhead—”

“That will usually put a damper on a friendship.  Or so I hear.”

“—Right, yeah.  So we haven’t spoken in ages, and then the other day I get this package in the post, and it’s a fucking book he’s written! The dickhead! He wrote a book!”

“How dare he. Dickheads can’t write books.”

“Oh, just you wait!” Lily throws her hands up, eyes blazing. “So I figure ‘what the fuck, might as well,’ and I open it—and then I see that it’s, like, this weird pseudo-memoir about the two of us, but then the two characters in it end up reconciling because the woman realizes she’s been wrong about the protagonist and has been misjudging him, and, ugh, god, it just makes me so angry—I barely got through half, had to look up the synopsis on Wikipedia! And then I look at the front and the fucking bellend has dedicated it to me! ‘To Lily Evans, My Lost Connection!’ Right fucking there in black and white!”

The further she gets in her speech, the further James’s jaw lowers in shock.  By the end, he can only stare as she gesticulates with her hands, his mouth hung open and his eyes so wide they begin to water.

“You’re…having me on,” he says, weakly.

“But I’m not, James!” She rebuts, and the way she says his name sounds so familiar, like they’re old friends rehashing a well-worn argument.  He likes it—even in consternation. “I’m really not!”

“I’m so horrified I don’t know what to do with myself.” James takes off his glasses and rubs them on his shirt.  Finally, he blinks. “I think my horror is horrified.”

Apparently pleased with his shared dismay, Lily folds her arms over her chest and nods: I told you so.

“I told you so.”

Well, it seems like he’s already good at reading her body language.

He’s arrested in his reply as a thought hits him: “Have you been…going around to all the local bookstores to do this?”

“Er…” she hums sheepishly, “is it that obvious?”

“Only to us veteran booksellers.”

“I just—ugh!” Lily fumes. “It’s just so infuriating! No one will let me take out the page; it’s not like it’ll decrease in value, anyway! The book’s already shite!”

James has to laugh at this. “What’s it called? So I can leave a scathing review, that is.”

“The Triumph of the Half-Blood Prince by Severus Snape.”

“The…Triumph…of the—”

“Don’t ask.”

“Noted.”

“So…” Lily pauses, “will you let me take out that heinous and unjust dedication in this book which never should have made it to print?”

It’s adorable that she thinks there was a chance he was going to say ‘no.’

But, in order to keep up some level of appearance, he taps a finger to his chin in thought, doing his absolute best to look pensive.  He imagines that the glasses help by significant measure.

“Well, when you put it like that—”

James doesn’t even have time to finish his thought before she’s jumping up-and-down in victory, hair bouncing across her shoulders.  She pumps a jubilated fist in the air: “YES!”

“Alright, Rocky.  You’ll want to head to aisle seventeen; the shite section.” He walks around the desk to point toward the back of the store, before turning to look back at her and damn near freezing in place.  This close, her eyes are downright startling—a shade of emerald that gleams in the morning sun.

He doesn’t have a lot of time to look, though, because she turns her attention toward her small tote, from which she procures (after a small bit of shuffling) a violently red magic marker.  Upon its appearance, she straightens, the previously-charming gleam in her eye now somewhat…terrifying.

“Thank you!” Lily yelps before speeding off toward the chosen aisle—apparently, her earlier zooming tendencies have awoken once more for the prospect of defacing this Snape guy’s book.  Her figure retreats quickly, swallowed up by towering shelves and muted tones of hardcover books.

“Wait!” He calls, and then, once she turns, realizes he has nothing else to say.

So he thinks quickly: “Do you want any help?”

She smiles widely, like she was waiting for him to ask, and the power of it inspires a mirrored grin on James’s own face, something he’s helpless but to let form.  He wishes he had a better talent for descriptors, like Nabakov or even James Joyce.  But all he can think is: it’s brilliant.  Her smile is brilliant.

“Well,” she shrugs, though her face is alight with humor, “I suppose The Great London Book Vandal could take on an apprentice.”

[woosansang]

henlo my beloveds!! i cannot believe that an entire year has passed in which not a single day goes by where i dont think about, listen to, watch, or fawn over (or all of the above) the most amazing group of young artists that i’ve ever had the pleasure of loving.

below the cut you will find some unnecessary emotional babbling about my short but amazing time as an atiny and some words of love to some of the people on this website who have contributed to that happiness. (fair warning: it is really fucking long i am so sorry and i do not expect many people to read it. tags and messages are at the bottom if that’s what you’re here for)

a week or so from today marks my first anniversary of being part of atinyblr, but it was on the fateful day of saturday july 17th 2021 that i watched my very first piece of ateez content and fell head over heels for fireworks!yeosang.

over 6000 tumblr posts later (what can i say? when ya boy obsesses, she oBsESsEs alright), and here we are. tumblr user woosansang who had previously not changed their url for SIX YEARS breaks tradition for Some Guys. smh @ myself at how whipped i am. @/bowtiescarves, you had a good run.

while yeosang captured my attention literally instantly, some of you know how utterly in denial i was about my san bias, which manifested itself within mere days of discovering them, yet it took me over six months to acknowledge how much he affected me. seonghwa joined the bias line second, officially, but then he got kicked out after deja vu because apparently i can’t take him seriously when he’s got pink hair or something idk. anyway, for all of one week i was posting about yeosang, san and seonghwa. and then i discovered inception era wooyoung and my life was basically over then. like. fucking goodbye jazzy lol LOL.

i remember listening to compilations of jongho singing for hours. i remember being so upset that they came to australia back in 2019 before i really even knew what kpop was at all and feeling like i’d missed my chance (cut to me now, kind of considering a wholeass holiday to korea for the sole purpose of seeing them live). i remember watching every. single. thanxx stage. GOD. those first few weeks were wild.

then i made my first ateez gifs. of seonghwa of all people. and since then, i have made more gifs and gifsets in the past year than the previous seven or eight years of being a casual content creator combined. (like i said, i’m insanely obsessed but wcyd)

outside of tumblr, i am a dancer, and after only knowing of ateez for a few weeks, my sister (who introduced me to them) and i decided that we were going to cut together a mashup song and learn a bunch of their choreographies to perform at our dance school’s annual concert in 2021. lockdowns and restrictions meant that we ended up learning and teaching this dance to our friend almost entirely online, and if i’m being completely honest here, our ateez dance was one of the only things that kept me happy during all the time spent stuck at home. like. combine dance and my current hyperfixation and you get one happy jazzy. we weren’t perfect by any means, but i was so so proud of our little trio for what we managed to accomplish (i think most of you have already seen my dance but if you want, you can dm me and i’ll send you the link if you want to watch!). our dance was ridiculously well recieved by the audience and i cannot remember ever being happier on stage then when i was performing to ateez’s music. it’s wild how serotonin works hey.

the past year of my life has been hectic, especially this last six months with my new job, and ateez has been the main thing that’s kept me going strong this whole time. they make me so happy, and the friends i have made through them make me so happy as well <3 i am so grateful that i found them and fell in love with them when i did <3

if you read all of that.... wow im so sorry i dont know how to be concise to save my life bsdhfbsd

now because i am me and i am physically incapable of keeping things short and sweet, there are just a few people that i want to say some stuff to that i’m sure they already know but i’m a sap so i’m gonna say it again. behold:

@hwanswerland fio bro idk what to say here tbh you know we are both too awkward and stupid for saying nice things to each other but i guess i have to bc i like you or something </3 fr though you know i do love talking to you, i love sending you stupid shit and bad hwa screenshots and random photos i find on twitter that either i’ve cried over or i know you will cry over. i love how we revel in each other losing our minds over some guys. and i also love how easy it has always been to be real with you, how well we clicked when we first started talking and how much i love waking up to random text essays from you overnight. thank you for listening to my bullshit and giving me your own right back. thank you for understanding my dislike of exclamation marks. thank you for being someone who actually likes to communicate about things if we ever take issue with something or just need clarification because we’re being stupid about some feelings or whatever. thank you for being you. i dont remember how we even became friends but i’m incredibly thankful that it happened. i guess. idk. you’re boring and i hate you. that’s more like it <333333

@sanhwaiting megan <3 beloved <3 bubble tea buddy <3 evil demon friend <3 we havent talked as much lately since we are such busy bees but i love you all the same! thank you especially for being such a kind and welcoming presense in atinyblr when i first stuck my toes into this fandom, for helping me with random cc stuff, for being such a sweet and constant presence in my notifs, for sending me so much stuff that i had to create tags just to keep track of my own suffering </3 i miss our little chats and i hope we can get back to them soon <333 ilysm <3

@hwanwooyoung chey my dearest, i hope you are having an amazing day today because you deserve the world <3 i self proclaimed myself as your emotional support mutual and while i don’t always manage to hold up that promise, i hope you know that i’m subconsiously sending you love and support every day! you’re such a beautiful person and i just want the universe to see that and give you everything you want in life <3 ilysm beloved, thank you for always being there for me <3 <3 <3

@ocean-dreamer-sky-chaser elise beloved!! i love you so much my love <3 im so glad we accidentally became friends lmao i love that i can leave rants in your dms whenever i need to and that we both feel comfortable enough to have deep and meaningful conversations and help each other out, or simply support each other and know we have each others’ backs. and also then i can come screaming about being on my knees for woosan just to have you go “same *faints*” HDSFJHSDK also love that we are both into fic lol it’s nice to have someone helplessly flailing with me about it <3333

@applejongho anne i think you’re just about the coolest person i know. even though we’ve only started talking properly quite recently, you’ve always been an awesome precense in atinyblr and i absolutely love how easy it is to chat to you about the most random shit. also MATH BUDDY LETS GO NERDS <33

@hanjesungs jay, although not really that deep in atinyblr anymore, you remain an awesome friend with knowledge on the most obscure things that i come to you to talk about, whether that be some random ass stage jisung did a year ago or how to build a computer from scratch, you always seem to know exactly what i need lmfao. thank you for teaching me about skz!! you and a few others truly opened my eyes to how fucking awesome they are. we should do another watch sesh soon <3 thank you for also always being there at whatever random hour i start vagueposting on tumblr, you show up in my messages with your love and support and distractions and i love you for it. you really need to get to bed at a reasonable time one of these days though HJDFSJDHF LOVE YOU <3

@blueberrysan shay!!! i love you so much <333 tbh, you are the heart of my life as an atiny, no doubt. you are the sweetest most precious angel and i wish we talked more but we’re both so stupidly shy it’s almost annoying sdjfsd thank you for also introducing me to svt and mr yoon jeonghan! i can’t thank you enough for all of the sweet messages and asks you’ve sent me, the little gifts here and there that i treasure. you’re so fucking lovely shay and i am so glad i am priviliged enough to know you <3 <3 <3

@hyunfelix dani im so glad we found each other again after being mutuals via stranger things without even talking to each other and then somehow being into some of the same kpop groups like a year or two later??? crazy how that happened. we need to come up with some kind of phonecall schedule lmao because we’re always missing each other being online but i love talking to you so much, it’s kind of like talking to myself but with an american accent BHSABD ilysm <3 text me again sometime pls <3333

a smol and special mention to sofie @seonghw-a and simi @yuggietual for the yeotent that i first found when searching for ateez content on tumblr lol, you guys were probably the first ccs i followed on here so you’re my og atinyblr crushes i guess sbdfjhf thanks for all your service to the yeo stans of this world <3

also a smol and special mention goes to the amazing work done by romi @songmingki providing atinys everywhere with content that we would not otherwise be able to access. i thank you internally every time i watch, save, gif, or simply drool over something you’ve uploaded. thank you so much <3

some other beloveds who i haven’t really spoken to much but deserve an honourable mention for making atiny and atinyblr incredible are @97choi @abiaswreck @ateezbiased @bvlnoriyas @dejawoos @jeongyunho99 @mangomingki @ortali @sanshine @seonghwaminho @soppa @lee--felix @woojoongz @wouyoung @xuseokgyu (i am so so sorry if i forgot anyone, it’s late and my brain is fried today)

last but not least, any non-mutuals who happen to be reading this, hi hello thanks for following my insane journey through stanning these silly, talented, gorgeous boys. i hope to stay here for a long time <3

thanks for coming to my ted talk. keep stanning ateez everyone <3

[skypied]

AO3 Wrapped Questions!

3, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, 16, 20, 27, 28, 29, 30 :)

I'm guessing wrapped implies "works from this year" so I'm only going off those! Buckle uuuuup this is getting looooong like always

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Hmmm, maybe Back Home. Most of my fics this year feel like mindless brain dumps, but this feels more like a complete work.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Probably hard feelings? It generally has a lot less hits and kudos than most my other work, probably because of it being angst without a happy ending (YET), but through the months it's gotten a lot of very sweet and heartfelt and/or heartbreaking comments.

Back Home also got a lot more feedback than expected - it was one of those venting fics that I didn't really expect to resonate and/or not be enjoyed by anyone else but me.

6. Favorite title you used

Hmmmmmmmm , I don't really think any of my titles this year stand out :p Maybe Catch of the Day, just bc it's so stupid.

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Most my titles from this year weren't song titles actually! Surprising, since I used to exclusively use song lyrics. There's only hard feelings (Lorde) and Can't Help It, I'm Obsessed (Sam Riggs).

(In 2021 we had Orla Gartland, Lizzo, Troye Sivan, Taylor Swift, Halsey and Maria Mena. Taylor and Maria were used twice: so they win. I think Maria would win overall for how many times her lyrics have been direct inspiration.)

10. What work was the quickest to write?

Probably a tie between the first chapter of hard feelings (started at like 10 in the morning when I was supposed to work, lol) - and Home (written while perched on the kitchen counter watching onions caramellize for onion soup). Both were around four hours, maybe one or two more for revisions.

Wait, actually, both chapters of Catch of the Day were mostly written in an hour or two each.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

Depends on whether you count hours spent on it, or stretch of time it took to finish it haha.

I do have wips I started last summer. Most of them are probably never gonna be anything. But I do have a wip that's almost done and I still intend to finish that I began... 14 months ago. oops.

But among published work - the ones that took the longest stretch of time is probably undertow and chapter two of hard feelings. According to docs, I began undertow on Christmas Eve last year (damn, didn't I have anything better to do?), so it tooooook... almost nine months? It's also kind of a mashup between three aimless wips that I eventually figured out went well enough to just patch together. hard feelings part two took seven months.

Most hours spent on it is harder to gauge, but maybe Can't Help It, I'm Obsessed. I remember I spent most my free time on it for maybe two-three weeks. (And then Annie kindly and graciously and perfectly finished it for me, thank god; I'd gotten myself in a real rut with it.)

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Oh I dunno. Most are generic things like genre, established relationship and aged-up characters. The only one that sticks out is probably Alberto Scorfano has ADHD.

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Prrrroooobably Trust Fall! I think it's just sweet and neat.

27. What do you listen to while writing?

That goes in cycles. Sometimes a playlist with classical music mixed in with movie soundtracks. Sometimes just whatever album I'm hooked on at the moment. I have some specific music for specific things, most are one song I'll loop for hours:

Downtown (feat Pri Pach) by BYOR, VINNE, Pri Pach. It's SO good for hyperfixating and writing smut 2am on a weekday. (Been a while since I did that, though.) There’s a reason it was my #1 on Spotify Wrapped last year, and #2 this year.

IDFC (feat. Ravenna Golden) by WHIPPED CREAM, Perto, Ravenna Golden. Same as Downtown. It tingles my brain.

River by Bishop Briggs. Great for emotionally charged and angsty smut.

I've spent HOOOOOURS listening to just 22:12 Until The End of Time from the Haven soundtrack while writing, no specific genre.

I generally listen a lot to Kevin Atwater to get into those Sad Boy Feelings (especially when writing about Alberto being too brainwashed by Christianity to admit his feelings for Luca. God I still love that AU, shame it's never getting finished.)

Lately I've been rewatching TV shows while writing, just to have something moving on the screen and something to listen to.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

Hmm hmm hmmmmm, feel like I'm repeating myself here but Back Home and hard feelings. Both feel like is the first complete stories I wrote. Most my stuff is just scenes, this was the first that spanned over a longer time and connected themes together.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Ahhh idk if I have the patience to reread all 50k I published this year, so I'm taking a couple that come to mind:

It’s stupid and predictable and sometimes Luca wonders when they’ll tire of this, when the intensity of the teenage crush will fade into something more mature, as his mother used to sigh when they were chasing each other’s tails around the bay. It’s been years, and he’s starting to suspect this is just what they’re like, perpetually snickering like kids breaking curfew, whispering secrets in a blanket fort and constantly one-upping each other. 

from Morning Routines. The whole fic is stupid, silly fun, but I feel like this passage sums up their relationship in a cute way.

You know him like the back of your hand, but he’s scarily good at slipping under your skin to hide. You convince yourself otherwise, but you can never really tell. Not really. But it’s yet another trust you have to fall into, accept the rush of gravity and hope he catches you. 

Trust Fall, chapter one

He looks at you, breathless and disbelieving. Disbelieving your love for him. When it’s the only thing you truly believe in, when nothing in this chaotic world makes sense without him, when it’s the seam keeping your life stitched together.  

You wish he could reach inside your chest, clench your heart tight and feel that it’s more his than your own. You wish you could put your mouth to his ear like a conch shell, and he’d hear the ceaseless waves that lap in the back of your mind whispering his name. You wish he could feel the magnetic pull from somewhere deep in your guts that makes you unable to stop orbiting him. 

You don’t dare imagine what would happen if he stopped letting you love him. 

Trust fall, chapter two

Both of these from Trust Fall are some of the rare instances that I feel like I’ve written analogies that feel complete and make sense for them and the work itself. 

You stare up like you used to, towards the incomprehensible lights of celestial bodies dancing on the surface, towards the never-ending fantasies of freedom forever pulling you towards the next horizon. Except now there is an anchor wrapped up in your tail, with a low, humming purr filling your body and quieting the restless whisper in the undercurrent of your blood and gentle claws tracing patterns over your ribs, all brazen ferociousness gone for listless limbs and a sleepy murmur whenever you shift.

There’s still a pull, a need to see, try, explore more. But maybe you don’t need to leave everything behind to feel free. 

from undertow. I feel like this is the closest I’ll come to writing something about Luca’s “teenage rebellion” need for freedom that might lead him to neglect friendships/relationships for fear of being smothered again, and becoming comfortable with intimacy and vulnerability and being tied down.

Also this line:

You don’t want him to be in love with you unless it hurts.

This whole thing from ch2 of Back Home:

“Do you still love me?” you ask again, but now your breath is slow and calm because you know the answer. But you have to ask. Just in case. 

You know the answer because he’s ripped your heart out and sown it back together; replaced old, festering scabs with gossamer threads of promises and gently placed it back inside. It’s still a fragile, ugly patchwork, but he’ll keep replacing bits and pieces of old hurt with new hope until it’s whole. You know it because he has scratch marks and bruises down his back and neck colored by your love and rage, because he lets you ruin him to save yourself.

You know it because you believe him more than you believe yourself.

“More than anything,” he says in a firm voice, as if it’s a fact as natural and definite as the sun rising and setting. He picks the smoldering stardust off the floor, breathes life back into the stars and places them back into your eyes. He smothers the flaming rage in your veins and replaces your blood with love. Because he loves you. You love him too. You love him more than anything and it hurts more than anything. But it’s worth it for the blissful, warm silence when he looks at you and you know he’s seen everything inside you and still he wants to. He makes your heart into a home and you let him. No matter how many times you tear it down in all-consuming fits of rage, he puts it back in order and you let him. He wants to make you better and you want to let him.

yayyy I love breaking Alberto and putting him back together again<3

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Maybe how drastic the shift from only writing smut to never writing smut was? haha. Dgmw, I still write smut, but I just... don't finish it. Idk, it always ends up pushing up against things I'm uncomfortable with, or I write myself into corners. I feel like they're always things that aren't really a big deal, but they turn into massive hurdles in my head. And while writing smut is fun, I eventually end up feeling like I'm just writing the same things over and over. Which, y'know, is still fun and doesn't mean it's not valuable! I guess I just get really self-conscious over baring my ass on the internet.

On a more positive note, I think I've managed to keep a bit more distance to my writing. I do often get stuck with writing, and that frustration used to encompass everything and be... not great for me mentally. I used to obsess a lot more about feedback and get really bummed out about "underperforming" works and compare myself a lot to others. Now it's more like... I just chuck stuff I think is neat up on AO3 and don't think much more of it.

I’ve also experimented a lot more with style than I expected, and I guess found my voice a bit more!

ALSO how much Luca POV I’ve written. I still feel like I don’t understand the guy, but he’s fun to write. Alberto POV tends to become ... dark, lol.