#how does she ACTUALLY feel about this beyond being tired of pretty words??

[cannibalisticskittles]

went driving again; thought about story again

there are so. so so so many different routes this could take. so many different emotional paths.

i like where the current line of thought is taking it (though We'll See what i end up going with); amity typically spends a lot of time pretending like she doesn't notice ulterior motives, and not calling attention to when she knows someone is lying to her. she just. puts up with it cheerfully.

but with this line of thinking she gets to be... direct. in a way she normally takes great pains not to be.

"hey. i don't like that. you can lie to me about anything else, but not about this. not about how i look. if you're asking this of me, i need to know why -- truly why. i know you aren't dazzled by my beauty and i'm not going to accept that as an answer. what do you really want?"

and astarion doesn't know!!!! he knows jack shit about what he wants!!!! protection, yes, but does he WANT what it takes to get there?? does he WANT the sex?? he doesn't want to be interrogated like this, that's for sure, and he doesn't want to admit that this was a ruse, there's no way that won't backfire -- but what he does want? no clue!!

[luveline]

could i request teacher!reader with hotch? like maybe she’s jacks teacher

thank you for your request! fem!reader, 1.2k

You're a teacher: you're always tired. Overworked, underpaid, everybody knows how it goes. And maybe you've let yourself go because you don't have any real material hopes for the future beyond getting Macy Danish to read at a first grade level, but how were you supposed to know that Jack Hotchner's father would be so overwhelmingly attractive? It's not fair. 

He's handsome though older than you'd been expecting, but that isn't the cut and dry of it. When he comes in, it's alone, in a well-fitted suit. He's tall and remarkably dark-eyed, shaking your hand without trying to impose any authority, as some of the fathers tend to do, and when you call him Mr. Hotchner, he says, "Aaron, please," but continues to call you Ms. L/N.

"Aaron," you say, pulling your skirt under your thighs as you sit down. You're dressed in nice clothes for the parent-teacher conferences, but you could've covered your sleeplessness better. "Jack is the nicest boy in class. He's actually my loveliest kid. Um…" You search through your notes for the preliminary assessment of Jack. "Sorry, two seconds." 

"Take your time. I know what it's like to dig through a mountain of paperwork every day." 

"Jack mentioned you work in the government, he calls you a special agent," you say, smiling. "You get the bad guys." 

"I am a special agent. Supervisory." Aaron is conscientious enough to pretend he doesn't notice your surprise. "I'm chief of the behavioural analysis unit." 

You can't even begin to guess what that entails. "Oh," you say breathlessly. 

"I understand that it sounds fantastical." 

"It sounds impressive," you say, floundering to correct yourself. Behavioural analysis? It must be obvious to him how nervous he's making you, then, and when you realise that, you get worse. "I'm so sorry about this. I should be more organised. I usually am." 

"That's alright. Take your time." 

Does he always speak that way? His voice is like fucking silk? Is he messing with you?

You yank the notes you made for Jack from the pile and flatten them across the desk. "Okay, sorry. Like I was saying, Jack is really the nicest kid, him and his friend Molly. They're both lovely, and teachers shouldn't have favourites, please don't tell the other parents, but they're my favourites." You smile at him quickly and return your eyes to the paper. The words swim in front of your eyes. "Jack can read better than you could ever hope for a first grader, he's immensely intelligent for his age group. He's patient. He'll explain anything to anyone if they ask him too, and he does it well." 

"I'm glad to hear that," he says, again so softly. 

You pick up one of your skinny biros to have something to fidget with. He's a very good looking man, but you're a good teacher. You can focus on what to say. Some parents need good things only. Some need reassurement that they're doing a good job. Aaron is harder to read, but you know what he needs, too. 

"He can be lonely," you say, looking him in the eye. "I don't think that that's down to any fault. I'm sure you know better than I do why he might feel that way." You know about his mom's passing over a year ago. You've seen grief in children too many times. "He… I understand if this isn't okay with you, but he eats lunch with me sometimes. I encourage him to sit with his peers, of course, but I think he runs out of energy pretty quickly." 

Aaron nods thoughtfully. His brows quirk into a furrow that you're afraid is directed at you. 

"I don't think he necessarily has trouble connecting with his friends." 

"What do you think?" 

"I think something awful happened to your family, and Jack will feel it for the rest of his life, but that it won't stop him from being great. It already isn't. And… he clearly has a father who loves him and who he admires. You're his second favourite topic." 

"What's his first?" he asks. 

"He's really into Fruity Fridays," you say with a laugh. "I bring in fruits you don't get often in America. Someone would've had to sign a form." 

"No, I remember signing it. He likes that?" His smile is golden. "I can't get him to try new things." 

"He had all the leftover gold kiwi last week." You rub your lips together. Time is ticking. You have nearly thirty parents to see tonight, but talking to Mr. Hotchner has been so normal. He's a regular person in a sea of inattentive helicopter narcissists. It's a relief and a half to meet him and know a kid as gentle as Jack is in good hands. "Mr. Hotchner, I have to tell you, I'm really relieved to meet you." 

"Aaron," he corrects.

Your tone drops too low. "Aaron." 

"I'm more than relieved," he says. "I knew that this year would be harder for him. I didn't know… I'm grateful to you, for being so kind with him." 

You look down at your notes, flushed from head to toe despite your airy skirt. Crossing your legs, you shake your head. "It's my job." 

"To let him take up the only break you get all day?" he asks. 

"It's not like that. Jack doesn't bother me." You fold your notes in half. "I can see his role model measures up." 

"I could say the same thing." 

The next time you see Jack, bright and early Monday mooring shepherded by his aunt Jessica, he's very happy to see you. You offer him a hug and pat his back when he wraps his arms around your hips. "Hello, Jack. Was your dad pleased with your drawings?"

Jack smiles at you. "I have a note for you." 

"You do? Can I see? Where is it, honey?" 

Jack takes off his backpack and pulls out the note and a tupperware container. "Oh, wow, did you make treats for the class? Jack, that's so nice!" 

"No. Dad said those are for you. He said you should have nice for nice, or something," Jack informs you. 

"You'll share with me, though? I can't eat them all by myself," you whisper. 

He nods with enthusiasm and runs off to put his backpack in his cubby and his coat on the hook. You look down at the cookies and note, which is actually an envelope. 

You open it with your thumbnail. The writing is Aaron's usual tight cursive.

Dear Miss L/N, 

I hoped to thank you again in person, but work makes that hard. I appreciate everything you do for Jack. There are teachers who work, and there are teachers who go above and beyond. I can feel confident anywhere in the country knowing Jack is being taught by the latter. 

Gratefully yours, 

Aaron Hotchner. 

P.S. Please don't feed Jack too many cookies. They're not for him. 

You keep the letter even if it's lame to do so. When is the next parent teacher conference, anyways?

[aixeko]

✧.* " Feels like we had matching wounds but mine's still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine now. " *.✧

| Starring |  Heartless-Husband!Arlecchino x Wife!Reader

| Setting | Genshin universe

| Scenario | [ DRABBLE ] ANGST! Hurt no comfort. One sided love. Toxic relationship. Pronouns are not used, only the title “wife” is used. 

► RADIO CHANNEL [Author note] | Art credit: 雨睡 / ojiusa on Twitter

× 1/4 drabble for Arle, will span in the course of the next 3 days for her birthday. × The fic accidentally became so similar to the song by the name of "The Exit" by Conan Gray. Good grief, I love it.

[ Word count: 915 ]

Imagine how frustrating it is to fall in love with someone as emotionally detached as Arlecchino—especially considering the circumstances surrounding her past wounds and the fractured void where her heart should lie.

Not only that, Arlecchino, in no way shape or form, is an ordinary mortal; no, the woman possesses feats that still remain unbeknownst to the common folks, the fourth of the Fatui Harbinger—a woman whose power is near god-like scaling and a mastermind in the art of psychological subterfuge. To even fantasize about her reciprocating your feelings, even on the platonic spectrum, is beyond preposterous. And for one's possession of such thoughts as a commoner too? It is practically shaming the esteemed legacy of her name and the reputation she holds. It is absurdly outside the unceasing versatility of the imaginative mind; to even achieve a feat like this is not even praisable; it's pathetic. Because why would the great and infamous Arlecchino, a Harbinger feared by many, show her presence to the likes of you?

Unfortunately, for the one cold star that is the destiny your heart has followed, your relationship does have a label. A husband and a wife, but in actuality, it is simply just that, a label. The dawning reality hidden under the layers of falsehood is but a one-sided beneficial connection.

To Arlecchino, you are a mere pawn, insignificant in value and easily replaceable, to be maneuvered around the vast field of her intricately thought-out chessboard, where every single move is foreseen by her convoluted calculations to achieve her ultimate goal. She is the king with the mastery to dictate the game's outcome to her desire, and you are just one of the many disposable pieces to be sacrificed for her victory.

So why must you stay longer with the very same being that shatters your heart like breathing? Why must your heart desire her so much? Had you fallen so far that your heart dare not let her go?

"Your grace and acquiescence enchant me, rare as they are lovely. Truly, you are an obedient angel, a treasure beyond measure, a diamond among the sea of glass."

Her heavenly lies ensnare you ever so effortlessly. Was it this rare showcase of affection of "true love" that blinded you so completely?

"A Harbinger's life leaves little to no room for love. Be a dear and use that pretty little head of yours solely on obeying my orders."

Ensnared by Arlecchino's siren song, her words detain you in a state of imprisonment, alluring you into a fictitious world where each promise adds another bar and each whispers another stone. In this fabricated reality, only Arlecchino exists as the true player, leaving you with a love that never was. Was it your infatuation and utter attachment to her that blinded you to the point of abandoning your freedom ever so easily in exchange for this nonexistent, one-sided relationship?

"There are desires that you lack in fulfillment; is it wrong to seek an external party for such a minuscule problem? Your fatigue is clouding your judgment; seek your chamber; you must be tired."

How can one love be so enticing and manipulative that its power warps the mind, blinding the blatant betrayal right before your very eyes? Was it the fragility of your heart that's effortlessly puppeteered that made you forgive her?

August 22nd. Your husband's birthday has arrived. Your heart aches as you clutch the divorce in your hands. You are torn between love and sacrifice; the paper—gift holds freedom for the both of you, but despite the toxicity of it all, you can't help but be reluctant to let it all go.

You can't help but admit that it felt amazing. A part of you prayed that she would decline your proposal, that she would devote your love to you, that she would assure you of all the troubles in your relationship, and that she would make you stay.

Despite all the deeds that she has done to you, your heart still desires a delusional fantasy that chases after the farthest side of the ever-expanding cosmic, never in range for your hand to grasp.

When you settled down in her office and handed the divorce paper with a shaking hand, the words that left her mouth were so cold, so cold that you felt the temperature in your body decrease in real time.

"That noggin of yours finally concluded a proper notion, I see. Any longer, and I ought to have done the deed myself, it was about time we ended this little game of ours."

Those very words sink to the deepest part of your soul and will be anchored there for as long as you live. It was those words that dawned on you about the harsh reality that you had gotten yourself stuck in.

As if it couldn't have gone worse, shortly after you handed her the divorce papers, she announced to the world her "first" official relationship with another one who isn't you.

The truth has struck you, one with a speed faster than light. The truth of it all is that you are merely a background character, playing the role of fulfillment to make the true main character of the story shine.

The truth is that to Arlecchino, you are only one of the countless blurred encounters of passing scenes in her story.

The truth is, you are simply an invisible backdrop in the vast scenery, a pawn in a world full of kings.

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Hc for Halsin, Astarion, Will, Gortash, (& maybe Damon and Raphael) caring for a loved one with chronic illness or like an illness that keeps them bedbound for an extended time

A/N: Oh Nonnie, do I feel this ask lol. Chronic fatigue sucks, mainly because so few people don’t understand it goes beyond being just ‘tired’. There’s brain fog, stomach issues, and body pains– so I tried to touch on each of these symptom types for each character response. However you’re doing, whether you’re in a flare or not, I want you to know your illness is not your fault. You didn't ask for this. Don’t feel guilty for having to take care of yourself. You’re worth it. I promise. 

Also, this is unrelated but it’s lowkey funny that the week after I got diagnosed with a weird anemia, I write an answer for an ask about chronic fatigue. lol

TW: Mention of Chronic Fatigue/Pain, Brief Mentions of Sex 

🤕 BG3 Men Caring for a Gender Neutral! Loved One With Chronic Illness 🤕

Astarion: 

Worries. Like A LOT.

Tells you not to be so dramatic about it but will literally sprint towards you if he even hears you sigh.

He asks Karlach to carry you. 

Steals somebody’s cart/chariot if she refuses and instead makes her and Shadowheart take turns pulling that. (Jokes on him, they do it because they’re your friend, not his lol.) 

Has you come on missions because he feels more secure knowing you’re right behind him, and he can keep looking after you. Astarion makes sure to always sneak ahead so you never walk unknowingly into any danger 

Will give you massages if you’re in pain frequently, especially shoulder rubs, as he loves the view it gives him of your pretty neck. 

Speaking of necks, feeding is a huge no-no. At least, until you start feeling a bit better. And then he’ll only allow himself a taste. Gods knows you need all your strength, and he would feel terribly guilty to take what little you have from you. 

Lowkey appreciates the bags under your eyes and the way you can look like death incarnate, because well, then he doesn’t stand out as much. He also finds it strangely alluring, how you can look so fragile yet be so strong. It inspires him to find that balance within himself if he’s being honest. 

If you have trouble ‘performing’ due to your illness, he’s not upset at all! (He’s actually quite relieved.) 

Loves finding other ways you can be intimate together, like going to a spa and sharing a bath. Or finding a highly-rated inn and cuddling under some luxurious silk sheets. 

Turns out that after a lifetime of being forced to do things, Astarions is more than happy to spend his time doing nothing with you. 

Wyll: 

Is so sweet and tender when he speaks to you.

He’s literally Prince Charming, which makes you his Sleeping Beauty. 

On your good days, he’ll have you stand on his feet as he twirls you around, finding this the best way to ‘dance’ with you, given your current stamina. 

Requests for you to stay back at camp and rest while he and a few of the others handle the more taxing and dangerous missions. Gifts you some books and journals of his to keep you occupied in the meantime.

When he comes back to camp, the first thing he does is check on you. If you’re awake, he’ll make sure your needs are met before tending to his own. Doesn’t matter if Wyll’s starving and covered in guts, if you need a drink or an extra blanket, just say the word and he will fetch it immediately.  

Will recite poetry to you on the bad pain nights when you cannot sleep because everything aches too much. He knows his voice won’t stop the pain, but he hopes it provides a soothing atmosphere to just rest in, even if sleep cannot find you.

Is always so tender and gentle in his lovemaking, that it’s rarely an issue for you. However, on the nights that it is, don’t feel bad at all. Wyll adores you for much more than your body. He loves your mind, your heart, and your soul. Just being near you, knowing you love him back is more than enough. 

Halsin: 

Is always prepared with some medicinal herbs or a healing spell. 

He’s a natural caretaker, and you are no exception. However, when it comes to you, Halsin does approach the act a little bit differently. 

It’s much more personal when he makes you health potions or casts spells to heal you, you can see it in his eyes. In a way, it’s as if your pain has become his pain, and he needs the relief just as much as you. 

As long as you give your consent, Halsin prefers to have you touching him. Be it laying on top of his chest, or seated on his lap, he always wants his skin against yours, as if his touch alone could shield you from your illness. You find it rather sweet of him.

He pleads for you to stay behind in camp, or the grove- somewhere that is not the center of the action. He wishes for you to remain out of the fray, fearful that in your condition, fighters with less honor than he would take advantage of your vulnerability. 

If you need to be in a house with a room, and not camped out in the woods, he understands, although it may frustrate him a bit. He believes nature is the perfect healing environment, but he also trusts that you know your illness better than anyone. After all, you’ve managed it all these years. So instead, he simply brings nature to you. 

Haslin decorates your bedroom with plants, trees, and succulents. If you’re allergic, he enchants them to reduce their pollen production. 

Halsin understands he is rather large in the ‘down there’ department. If you cannot have traditional sex with him, it’s not a surprise to him. He knows more than one way to please his partner. He’s very giving and seems to get off on your pleasure more than his own at times. 

Halsin thinks you are one of the most beautiful gifts of nature. Your illness is just another part of you, and because it’s a part of you, he thinks it’s beautiful as well. You may resent it, but Halsin could never separate that part from you and hate it. He simply loves the whole of you too much to do that. 

Dammon:

Oh my god, he’s such a sweetheart.

But also a low-key tease. 

He has no issues getting or reaching things for you, but he does have a mischievous side, so be prepared for him to hold your things hostage, in exchange for a kiss or two. 

Has a habit of finding you curled up in bed on your worst pain/fatigue days and peppering you with kisses, and won’t stop until you laugh. 

Forges special mobility aids! Do you need help walking? Pfft. Not a problem. Dammon’s an incredible blacksmith, and he can make you armor that helps stabilize you. You know those really cool joint support braces you can get on Etsy and stuff? Yeah, he makes you DOZENS of them, all in different metals and designs, to match your mood/outfit for the day. 

While on the road, or in the grove, he always ensures you’re armed with some sort of easily gripped knife or sword, just in case anyone attacks. He does his best to keep you close, never walking too far ahead or behind, but you having that extra layer of protection makes him feel all the more reassured. 

He's not a fighter, but years of working in the forge have made his arms and back strong. He swears he will do everything he can to protect you, that no harm will come to you so long as you stay close. 

Is so relieved when you make it to the city at last. He’s so grateful that he can finally provide a real room and bed for you. He feels as if the entire journey has been worth it now that you’ll be able to rest and heal as you need, in the kind of safe and stable conditions you deserve.  

Comes in from a long, sweaty day of working in the forge, but immediately sets his sights on taking care of you. Draws a bath but insists you bathe first, as the water won’t be full of grime and ash after he bathes. 

Is always surprised and very flattered when you tug him in with you, still touched by your affection for him, as if you’ve just met for the first time. Dammon’s still a little shocked that out of everyone, you chose him. (Ironically, you feel the same. You’re a perfect match!) 

Insists on taking the lead during more intimate moments, and to make sure you just lay back and let him do all the work, introduces soft silk ties for your hands and ankles for whenever you feel like indulging in that kink with him. 

Gortash: 

Spoils you rotten. 

No, really.

Part of the highlight of being a Lord, soon-to-be Duke, is that he has the power to make all the other people do things for him. And no task is too costly or requires too much manpower so long as it means you’re taken care of. 

Buys the most lavish sheets and sleep sets for you. He wants you to be comfortable, the both of you deserve nothing but the best, after all. 

Assigns around-the-clock healers to you 24/7. They are always in your home, on-call, awaiting your request for relief. He wants every measure of treatment and remedy explored. If there’s a spell or herb that can reduce your pain, then you shall have it. 

Enjoys any downtime he has with you. Has his staff put a special chaise lounge in his office so you can visit him when he’s working. 

Gortash is so used to putting up fronts for everyone else, that it’s nice to let his guard down around you. You don’t judge him, or think less of him for his ambitions. Other people would run if they learned the truth, but not you. No, you’re so much more special than that. 

Of course, whenever you go out, you have your own guards and steel watch keeping you safe from anyone who’d wish to harm either you or him. All the other Lords and Ladies of Baldur’s Gate don’t dare say a mean word about you or your abilities, lest they wish to face the wrath of a peeved Gortash. 

As an inventor, Gortash invents the very first automatic, steampunk-esque wheelchair for you. It’s powered in the same way his Steel Watch is, and it is uniquely one-of-a-kind, tailor-made just for you. 

You know how in the game it’s hinted that Gortash basically stole and fucked his way into the high society of Baldur’s Gate? That many of the widowed Ladies gifted him lavish presents (like the deeds to their house?!) in response to whatever ‘relationship’ he had with them? Yeah. The man knows what he’s doing. And he does it well.

Your fitness level is no concern to him. The both of you will enjoy yourselves. He learns how to play the erogenous zones of your body perfectly, and in the event you’re too exhausted to play his, he has some, shall we say, special toys, he’s created just for himself. Course, should you ever ask, he’s more than willing to share them with you. ;)

Raphael: 

Switches between pampering you to badgering you about it.

When he’s feeling particularly generous, he makes a point to overindulge you, making sure you’re aware of how unselfish he’s being at the time. 

He’ll make sure you have not only whatever you need, but also, anything you should want. As a devil, he does have some magic up his sleeve, ready to take care of various aches and pains that you feel. 

Ensures no other beings in the House of Hope lay a finger on you. No, that’s a privilege for him and him alone. 

Of course, such benevolence from him comes at a price, so don’t expect the luxury to come freely, without strings attached. 

After he feels you’ve rested enough, he switches from being overly doting to being more curt, and even a bit cruel. 

You honestly don’t expect him to let you lounge all day, do you? Surely there’s a way you could make yourself useful to him. Your attention, your company, your body… there must be something of interest to him at the moment. Of course, Raphael won’t tell you outright what he wants, you have to figure it out for yourself each and every time. 

More than anything Raphael loves your adoration, your attention. Just sit with him in his office as he reads over the various contracts he has binding any number of sorry souls. Ask him questions, praise him. Tell him you think he’s brilliant… Darling just worship him. 

And after his ego’s been satisfied, he’ll go back to worshiping you. Relationships are all give and take after all. 

(And don’t worry if you’re too tired or in too much pain to perform well in bed. He’s certainly no good at it either lol.)

[rafeandonlyrafe]

childhood friends to lovers

words: 800

“how is he so handsome?” you rest your chin against your hand, admiring rafe from the second story balcony as he climbs back onto the yacht, hair wet and body dripping with sea water.

wheezie makes a face, “stop, that’s my brother!”

you laugh and look away that way rafe doesn’t realize you’ve been eyeing him, admiring his muscles. “sorry, wheeze.”

“you just need to screw already.” wheezie comments as you head back to the interior from the upper deck, needing to get out of the sun after feeling hot watching rafe.

you snap your head to wheezie, eyes going wide. “and what would you know about screwing?” you ask.

“sorry, kiss or whatever. just get it out of your system, you've been in love with him since i was born.” wheezie flops down on the couch, and you’re quick to join her.

“i’m not in love with him.” you say, staring up at the white ceiling.

“yeah, right.” wheezie says, her voice dripping in sarcasm.

“we are friends! best friends. i’ve known him since i was a baby! i am not in love with him, he is my friend.” you’re not sure if you’re trying to convince wheezie or yourself more.

“listen, i know i’m just a kid to you two, but i see things. get over it and tell him you want to be more than friends.”

you frown and cross your arms, thinking over wheezies words.

--

“you’re staring again.” wheezie says, making rafe jolt. in his trance, he honestly forgot she was there.

“wasn’t.” rafe says, but his eyes flick back to you. you’re splashing in the shallow water, playing with one of your small cousins.

“you always stare at her… and she always stares at you, too.”

rafe finally looks away from you, glaring at wheezie. “she doesn’t stare at me.”

“she does.” wheezie scoffs. “and it’s getting freaking annoying. can you two just date already?”

“i don’t see her like that.” rafe says, “every guy in her life comes in wanting to date her, i’m her friend, she needs me to just be her friend.”

“i think she rejects all those guys because they’re not you. trust me, she talks to me.” wheezie picks her phone back up, hoping that’s the end of the conversation, but rafe is persistent. he takes the phone out of wheezie’s hand and sets it on the empty beach chaise next to them.

“she talks to you about me?”

wheezie is beyond annoyed with the back and forth, and decides a little white lie would never hurt if you both got what you actually wanted. “yes. she’s in love with you. go and kiss her already.”

--

“hey.” rafe says, flopping onto the bed in the guest room of tanneyhill that practically belonged to you considering how much you slept over.

“hi.” you giggle, pushing his bangs out of his face so you can see his eyes better.

“i’m not tired yet, want to take a walk with me?” rafe asks, pouting out his bottom lip just slightly to entice you to come.

“rafey, i’m already in my pajamas.” you whine, pulling your blanket down a little so he can see your pjs.

“please.” rafe says, a word that rarely comes out of his mouth. you grin, unable to resist when he’s being so sweet. you sigh dramatically and then throw your blankets off, getting up and slipping into your crocs.

“lets go.” you say, reaching your hand out for rafe. he takes it as you head down the stairs and out the door into the cool air, the breeze making it ever so slightly chilly, especially for the end of summer.

rafe keeps your hands locked together as he guides you down the sidewalk. you’re not sure where he’s leading you, but you’d follow him anywhere. you just enjoy the feeling of his rough palm against yours, the backtrack of crickets and frogs, and the moon lighting your way between street lights.

“oh, look how pretty!” you say, coming up to a house with fairy lights decorating their fence.

“almost as pretty as you.” rafe says, and you turn to him confused, letting out an awkward giggle.

“thanks, i guess.” you shrug, unused to these kinds of compliments from rafe.

“i was talking with wheezie about you the other day.” rafe says, hoping he can lead you into the topic he really wants to talk about.

“oh yeah, so was i.” you hum, wondering what his conversation was about.

“you know you’re my best friend.” rafe grabs your hands so you stop, illuminated by the twinkling fairy lights. you turn to face him, letting out a nod. of course you know, you’ve been best friends forever.

“but i was thinking maybe we could try being more than that.” rafe admits.

“really?” you squeak, surprised that he felt the same as you.

[steddieficrec]

do u have any recs for fics where eddie accidently comes out to steve or steve accidently finds out and eddie panic’s thinking steve is gonna hate him but steve obvs doesnt

This took forever I know! But I wanted to actually make a list and ended up finding new ones that I love and some re-reads. I hope you enjoy it.

Pretty, Pretty Boys by starsdontsleep

(1/1 I 4,097 I Teen)

Steve knows that Eddie is gay, what he doesn't expect is to hear so many details about the guys that the metalhead has hooked up with or is interested in approaching. He also doesn't expect to feel so bothered—so annoyed and uncomfortable about it.

Or, 5 times Steve was unhappy about Eddie being with or talking about another guy. 1 time Eddie was unhappy about Steve doing the same (but didn’t need to be).

Questions & Answers by starsdontsleep

(1/1 I 6,781 I Mature)

Steve doesn’t have a problem with Eddie being gay, but he does have questions which end up leading to practical demonstrations.

smoking guns (hot to the touch) by fivecenturiesverse

(1/1 I 7,590 I Teen)

Sure, they've saved the world, but the best part of that really is that it doesn't end there and in a town where everyone thinks he murdered a girl, he's at least got Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley. It's really not his fault he accidentally starts living at Steve's house, he was invited, after all. There's a mystery too, about Barbara Holland and Steve's pool.

“Your boner is digging into me,” says Robin, and Steve snorts a tired sort of laugh. “I don’t have a —” “You do, I can feel it. Gross.” “Okay, but it’s only a little one,” he says in a small voice which sounds like he’s impersonating someone. “Are you ever going to let that go? I peed a little bit when the Russians got the torture devices out, okay?” She sounds amused, though. Eddie jolts. “Russian torture devices?” Robin carries on like she didn’t hear him but Steve catches his eye and he’s grinning. “How do you even have a boner dude? You were definitely having a nightmare I know your twitching means a nightmare… Did you have a boner over Vecna?”

Dirty Words by morningberries

(1/1 I 10,207 I Explicit)

Steve gives Eddie a lesson on dirty talk, but things start to get carried away.

OR

“Fuck, Steve.” Eddie pulls at the hem of his shirt, desperately trying to stretch it beyond his crotch where he is most definitely about to tent his pants. Maybe if he wore boxers it would have been easier to conceal. “I don’t think we should do this.”

“It’s okay. It just means we’re doing good, right?” Steve slides his hips forward, making his sweats tighten against the bulge between his own legs.

Eddie lets his eyes linger there for longer than he should. There’s no way that Steve is getting turned on by all of this, but shit, he is. The proof is in the pudding—if the pudding is his dick that is suspiciously growing under the heather grey fabric.

Turn Your Back on Mother Nature by gr0gu

(4/4 I 16,996 I Teen)

It wasn't supposed to go like this.

Steve was supposed to work with Robin at the Family Video, flirt with the many many girls who came to browse the expansive selection of VHSes, go on some dates, and hopefully find The One.

It was supposed to be a notably upside-down free year.

And, hey, for what it's worth? He wasn't supposed to be pinned down on a mattress by Eddie Munson either.

And he certainly wasn't supposed to be enjoying it.

But that's getting a bit ahead of things

The Worst Mixtape Ever Made by nbfutureboy

(10/10 I 17,999 I Mature)

“It’s a gift, so you gotta listen to the whole thing, okay? I think-- I think it’s got what it takes.”

There’s an art to making a mixtape - and Steve Harrington has decidedly ignored all semblance of art in creating a mixtape for Eddie Munson. Too bad Eddie’s fascinated with how impressively terrible his song choices are.

took you for a working boy by pukner

(6/6 I 46,823 I Mature)

"Do you--Harrington, do you know other gay people?" "One," Steve says, and then, after a moment, "and a half." "And a half?" Eddie boggles at him, "What does that mean?" "He's figuring it out!" says Steve, defensively, "Taking his time, y'know? Whatever, the point is. It's cool you're gay, man."

Eddie comes out to Steve, and Steve's heartbroken about it for some reason. Eddie thinks Steve's dating Robin. Everyone else thinks Steve and Eddie have been dating this whole time. Robin doesn't get paid enough for this shit.

Also, Hawkins has been cracked open like a badly-baked cake, and everyone's settled into the most mundane apocalypse possible. Eddie Munson starts a radio programme about it.

Meanwhile, Steve gets his nails painted, and outsources a crisis he isn't having.

start by pulling him out of the fire by pricklywhicket

(10/10 I 85,554 I Explicit)

Eddie Munson died on March 27th, 1986.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

No, wait. That’s not right. That’s Hitchhiker's Guide. Or was it Restaurant at the End of the Universe? Whatever, not important.

Eddie Munson died on March 27th, 1986.

Except…he didn’t. He couldn’t have. Because Eddie Munson is currently arguing with himself in his fucking head about sci-fi quotes, which doesn’t feel especially like something that a dead person would have the capacity to do.

The bats had killed him. There had been pain, and the sick sensation of tearing flesh. He’d had to swallow past a mouthful of his own blood to tell Henderson he loved him. Surely those were symptoms of imminent death.

And yet.

On April 1st, 1986, Eddie Munson opens his eyes in a dim hospital room. There’s a gasp from his left, and he tries to turn his head towards the source.

“Easy there, kid. They’ve got you trussed up pretty good.”

Eddie doesn’t need to see him. He’d know that voice anywhere, in any universe, hell dimension or otherwise.

“Uncle Wayne?”

A story about the families we find and the love that finds us.

Steady as He Goes by StrangerThings1975

(14/14 I 86,759 I Explicit)

Steve and Eddie are under the misconception that they dislike each other.

[trashywritestrash]

Deserve It

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8K

Warnings: ANGST, some physical violence (reader’s wrist is grabbed, reader shoves someone), domestic violence, eddie is an asshole, degrading but not in a sexy way, crying, lots of swearing, self-sabotaging behavior, alcohol use, drug use, like one tiny moment of tough love from Wayne?, it’s a lot of warnings and I honestly might be missing some so if you’re worried you might not be able to handle this please don’t try it

A/N: I know the title sounds a lil ominous but I would like to preface this by saying that there is NO VICTIM BLAMING HERE. We don’t pull that shit in this house

gif by thehumming6ird

You’re friends with Eddie Munson. Steve and Robin will never understand why or how, but he makes you happy, so they quietly accept that fact. But beyond that, you like Eddie Munson. That confession really threw your two co-workers for a loop, but again, they quietly accepted it and listened while you talked about him.

“Eddie and I hung out at his place last night and he forced me to watch the first Star Wars movie and it actually wasn’t that bad. We’re gonna watch the next one tonight. I have to try to remember to stop and get some snacks before I go over so we have something to munch on—“

“Oh my God, Y/N! Could you be any more in love?” Robin groans, tired of hearing both of her friends talk about their crushes and their love lives. “Just tell him already before I lose what little sanity I have left!”

Steve laughs at your pout and Robin’s dramatics. “As much as I hate to agree with Robin—“ The girl in question slaps his arm, causing him to hold his arm with a dramatic gasp. “Rude! As I was saying, you should tell him how you feel. From everything you’ve told us, he clearly likes you. You’ll just have to be the one to man up and say it first.”

“But what if you’re wrong and he doesn’t like me?”

“Then he’s an idiot and you come over and we eat ice cream and watch movies while you cry.” Now it’s Steve’s turn to hit Robin’s arm. “Hey! I’m being honest!”

You crack a grin at your friend's antics and go to say something, but an older woman steps into the store. Robin gives you a look that says ‘this isn’t over’ while you quietly wait for the woman to find what she’s looking for. Only a minute or two later, she comes up to the counter with a friendly smile. You make polite conversation while you ring her up and spot Robin smirking from the corner of your eye.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but do you think you could help us settle a debate?”

The woman laughs but plays along. “Sure. What about?”

Robin grins as she starts to explain your situation to this stranger, “Our friend Y/N here has a crush on her best friend. We are positive that he likes her back, but he’s too scared to make a move. We’ve been trying to convince her that she should just tell him, but she keeps refusing. Do you think she should?” Robin finishes while you groan. Now she’s bringing customers into your silly crush situation? Where does it end?

You go to apologize, but the woman just smiles at you. “I think you should talk to him. You’re young and pretty. He must care for you if you’re close friends. He’d be silly not to. Take it from me; I confessed to my crush when I was about your age.”

“And what happened..?” You ask hesitantly.

She grins, “I married him.”

Steve and Robin look at you expectantly and you sigh. “Fine, I’ll do it! But you two are buying the ice cream and renting Sixteen Candles if it ends badly!”

—————

Meanwhile, Eddie was sitting at the Hellfire table at lunch. Dustin was ranting about something, but Eddie had no clue as to what. He had tuned the freshman out a while ago.

“—Y/N obviously likes you!”

That caught his attention. “What are you going on about?”

Dustin sighs, annoyed that he has to repeat himself. “Y/N is, like, in love with you. Why else would she watch Star Wars? And ask to watch the second? I’ve been trying to get her to watch it for years, but she always says no!”

“That’s because you’re a twerp and you would talk through the whole thing,” Eddie argues, not believing Dustin.

“Dude, she buys you snacks! Even when you don’t ask! She buys the chips you like even though she thinks they’re disgusting! She makes goo-goo eyes at you when you’re not looking! Y/N likes you!”

Eddie frowns, “Shut it, Henderson. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not about to take lady advice from a kid who has a fake girlfriend.”

The others laugh while Dustin angrily argues that Suzie is real and she’s hotter than Phoebe Cates. But Eddie zones out of the conversation to think about what Dustin said. It was like puzzle pieces were falling into place. The little shit was right; Y/N likes him. Eddie stood from the table without a word and left the cafeteria, then the school. He got into his van and sped off toward the trailer park. He needed something to help with this.

—————

Hours later, you finish your shift at Family Video. You excitedly stop at the party store on the way to Eddie’s trailer, picking up candy and Eddie’s favorite chips (that you hate). Ten minutes later, you knock on his door once before letting yourself in with a spare key. Eddie had given it to you a couple months back, claiming that when he’s smoking in his room he doesn’t hear the door. You assume he must not have heard you this time, but when you step in Eddie is sitting on the couch directly across from the door. He looks completely out of it. “Eddie? Are you okay?”

He doesn’t even look up at you. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine. Do you still want to watch the movie tonight? We can do something else if you’re not feeling—“

“I said I’m fine!” Eddie raises his voice and you flinch. He doesn’t notice.

You get a good look at him and your heart drops. The whites of his eyes are now red, and even from a couple feet away, you can smell the alcohol on his breath. If you couldn’t smell it, you’d still see the half-empty bottle of whiskey that sits next to him. Not only has Eddie been drinking, but he’s also been smoking; you know that isn’t a good combination.

“No, you’re not. We need to get you some water and get you to bed.” You insist, trying to help.

This just makes Eddie mad. “Jesus Christ, Y/N! Are you deaf or just fucking stupid?! I said I’m fine!”

You should leave. You should run out of the door now and not look back. But you don’t. “What happened?”

“What happened?” Eddie chuckles, but it sounds wrong. There’s a darkness in it, tainting the sound that you love. “What happened is that I found out my best friend has been keeping secrets from me.” You look confused so he keeps going, “You like me, huh? Have a stupid little schoolgirl crush on the big bad freak? What do you really want? You wanna whore yourself out and run around, tell people you fucked the freak?”

The embarrassment you feel about him knowing you like him is overshadowed by your fear. This isn’t Eddie, this is someone else entirely. “Eddie, you know that’s not what I want. You’re not acting like yourself right now.”

“You don’t know me, Y/N! This is me!” He steps towards you and you step back, your back hitting the edge of his kitchen counter. It presses against your back painfully, but that’s the least of your problems right now. “You’re scared of me now, huh? Just ‘cuz I raise my voice a little and call you out for hanging around me like a slut.”

Your eyes begin to water as he gets closer. It gets harder to breathe and you feel your throat constricting. “Eddie, stop.” The words come out like a broken whisper, which makes Eddie laugh.

“You’re gonna cry now? Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Is that what you wanna hear? I didn’t think you were such a baby.” He almost sounds bored. Like he’s tired of you acting like this.

Eddie is only inches in front of you now. If he was paying attention, he’d notice how you’re trembling. “I want to go home.”

You cry out as Eddie grabs your wrist. His fingers dig into your skin, and you’re positive it’s going to bruise. “No, you don’t! You wanted something when you came here, now you wanna change your mind? Didn’t like what you found?”

It’s all too much. He’s too close, his grip on your wrist is too painful. His voice was too loud. You use your free hand to shove his chest. The alcohol in his system makes him clumsier, so your weak push moves him back. It’s not much space, but it’s enough for you to get through. Once you make it to the door, you turn to face him.

Your tears escape, falling from your eyes and down your cheeks. The salty taste is almost comforting when you speak.

“FUCKING STOP!” You yell, surprising yourself with how clear it is. Your body continues to shake, but your words are stronger now. “I don’t know what your problem is, but back the fuck off! Yeah, I like you, but I’m not gonna stand here and let you treat me like shit because you wanna assume the worst!”

Eddie doesn’t move from his spot, frozen in place. He looks the tiniest bit guilty, but you don’t care. You’re too angry to care. “You don’t get to take your anger out on me like I’m your punching bag! So I’m going home, and you’re going to stay here and sober up. Then after that, you’re gonna lose my number. You’re going to forget my address, you’re not gonna step foot in Family Video ever again, you’re not going to talk to me or even look at me again. Because if this is you, I want no part in it.” You let out a deep breath and your anger subsides slightly. “I like Eddie Munson. I love Eddie Munson. But this is not him.” With that, you slam the door shut behind you and go home.

—————

The next morning greets Eddie with a blinding headache. He can’t move or open his eyes and feels miserable in general. When he finally forces his eyes open, he notices that he’s on the floor right in front of the fridge. He must have gone to grab a beer and passed out on the way.

Eddie spots the bag of snacks that you had brought on the counter and remembers that you were supposed to watch a movie last night. That memory triggers images of the fight. He remembers how he yelled, how he backed you against the counter… Eddie remembers the fear in your eyes, and how he grabbed your wrist and squeezed until you cried. You were terrified of him and he deserved it.

All Eddie could see was the look on your face as he laid on the floor and cried. He stayed like that until Wayne came home hours later. Wayne took pity on him, but Eddie stopped him and told his Uncle everything.

“What do I do?” Eddie asked, desperate for an answer.

Wayne’s expression remained stoic as he stood from the couch. He grabbed a trash can and started throwing every can and bottle of alcohol into it. “You sober up and apologize with your tail between your legs. And if she tells you to fuck off, you do what she says.”

Yeah, Eddie deserves that.

—————

Want more Eddie? Check out my masterlist

If you enjoyed this or would like to read more of my work, please consider liking, reblogging, or tipping my Ko-Fi!

[chaosduckies]

Restoration (Chapter 11)

The time has come! This took me about five drafts for me to actually think it was decent so I hope you guys enjoy it! There’s just a whole lot of little scenes I liked to make. It’s a roller coaster of emotions, you’re going to hate me but it gets better! (Please don’t hate me I will not hesitate to cry TwT) Otherwise, enjoy!

Word Count: 12.7k

CW: Death, Vague mentions of suicide, severe trauma, vague gore warning, violence, I think that’s it!

11- Ryker 

It was quiet without Angela and Lucky. Mostly because Dylan and Lucky are almost always the cause of all the loud noises, but sometimes Angela and Isabelle just liked to play around. Now, it was lonely. Of course Nathan always let Angela talk with us on his phone for hours since we can always see Lucky at school, but Angela was being picked up by Nathan for almost a full week. Nathan says she’s been doing fine. She plays some games with his mom and he likes playin hide and seek with her when she’s bored. As for Lucky, Nathan says he’s just been doing his own thing. What he usually does. He also says that he’s on the phone with Dylan all the time too. Not surprising. 

No worries though. They’ll be back before Christmas. There was no way I was letting them miss it. Plus, the riots and stuff have been going down lately. They can finally come home, and I really, really missed them. No matter how many times I’ve had to clean up after them or they’ve given me half a heart attack every time they’re on the edge of somewhere high in the house. They were my siblings, I couldn’t just not care. 

Jasmine helped me take down all of the elevators around the house. The only bad part about that is that we can’t exactly put them back once they’re off, so it’s going to be like this until I can find the time to put some in later. They’ve never had a problem being carried around everywhere anyways. 

I sighed, laying down on my bed and staring at the ceiling. There wasn’t anything to do really. Dylan stayed in his room talking to Lucky while also playing whatever game he had, Jasmine was in the living room playing with Isabelle since no one else could at the moment. Usually Angela kept her busy. 

“Ry!” I heard Jasmine’s voice yell through my door. I groaned. I didn’t feel like getting up. I just laid down not too long ago, can I not get a break? 

“What!” I screamed back. 

“Isabelle says she’s hungry!” 

I placed a hand on my forehead, forcing my body under the covers. I was too tired to do anything, but I’m pretty sure we have some leftovers from last night she could eat. Jasmine and Dylan can make themselves something. I just wanted to get some sleep at this point. 

“There’s leftovers in the fridge!” 

I heard the fridge door open and close, then the microwave starting all the way from my room. I finally relaxed, the pillow cold under my head and my lights off with the blinds closed, blocking out any evening sun that threatened to creep inside my room. Perfect time to go to sleep. the best part about it was that I didn’t have school in the morning either. I was so physically and mentally exhausted I could just pass out. And I did. 

—————— 

When I woke up, it was to the smell of burnt pancake batter, making me scrunch up my nose and hurry to the kitchen, where Jasmine was currently throwing out her entire plate of pancakes that were beyond burnt. I laughed, watching her hurry to turn off the stove that was surprisingly not on fire. Jasmine just glared at me, leaning agianst the counter in defeat. I walked up next to her, smirking the entire time, “You just lost to pancake batter.” 

She playfully punched me in the shoulder, laughing along with me. I looked back at the box she had used, seeing that there was still enough for the four of us. I sighed, grabbing another bowl and placing the old one into the sink. Might as well make the rest if they really wanted pancakes. 

“Why’d you try cooking? You hate being anywhere near a stove.” I asked, mixing together the powder with milk. 

“You were asleep.” Her voice slightly a higher pitch. I looked back at her for a second, watching as she tapped her hand on the counter. 

“What else?” I grabbed a new pan that didn’t have burnt remains of pancakes and turned on the stove. Dylan knew how to cook a little bit. Jasmine would have woken him up to help her. So why didn’t she? 

“Nothing. Isabelle and I woke up about an hour ago and she just told me she was hungry.” Jasmine shrugged her shoulders. I poured some of the newly made batter into a pan and let it sit there for a couple seconds. She wasn’t going to tell me. At least not anytime soon. Better to just accept her answers now before she gets mad. 

I stayed silent until Dylan walked into the room, immediately sitting down on top of the counter and yawning. He scrunched up his nose, the faint smell of smoke in the air, “What did Jasmine burn this time?” He joked, earning a punch to the shoulder that actually looked like it hurt. 

Everyone grabbed their plates, and we all watched a cartoon in the living room. It just felt quiet without Dylan and Lucky constantly messing around with each other or Isabelle and Angela playing with their stuffed animals. I knew we all missed them. Just two more days. Two more days and they’ll be back with us. Everything was going to go back to normal. I’d really have to thank Nathan and his mom for helping us out so much. I smiled at the thought. 

———Nathan———

Despite there being two more people in the house, is was actually relatively quiet. Which was surprising given that Ryker’s house was usually filled with a huge commotion. Maybe it was because they were away from each other? I really did feel bad. I mean, they all seemed really close to one another. Plus after Ryker told me what happened to their parents… It must be hard. I couldn’t think about leaving my mom for any reason, so it must be so much worse when it’s your own siblings. 

They were going back this Sunday. Things have gone down and it’s nearly Christmas so I didn’t want them to miss that. Lucky was taking a nap on the couch while Angela was busy with a coloring book my mom had bought her the other day. She was currently coloring a picture of a parrot, and for a four year old she was surprisingly good at coloring. My mom was cooking dinner. I offered to do it instead but she just argued that she hasn’t cooked for me in a while. I just left it at that. 

So now I was laying down on the couch. School was out for winter break finally. Which meant only five more months until I would be left alone again. Just my mom and I. I didn’t plan on going to college, maybe just a part time job. After what happened so many years ago I’ve been afraid to live on my own. But let’s not think about that right now. 

What I was worried about was what if Ryker didn’t like the present I would be giving him. The concert tickets of course. They didn’t really cost much. Like a seventy dollars for two tickets? Not bad. I had bought everyone else’s gifts except for Dylan’s. I knew he liked sports and all that, but I couldn’t get him something like that. I had zero idea and I really needed to ask Lucky what to get him, because I’m pretty sure Lucky had bought something for him before he came here. I’d just have to ask. Not now though. 

I know Ryker loves reading, drawing, cooking. What else? Lucky mentioned something about sweets? Like cookies and all that? How would I even do that? I can’t just bake something fifty times my size. I had thought about buying something like a cake but how would I even get it to him? I mean… I could ask for help. Maybe from Jasmine? Nope. Get that thought out of my mind. She hates my guts. Dylan then? That would mean I’d have to ask him for a favor, and I didn’t really want to. But how else would I give Ryker a good gift? 

I guess that’s what I would do. But instead of buying one I’d ask Dylan to make it using my recipe. Would he though? I mean he seems like a nice guy. I guess the real question would be if I could be alone with him for about two hours. Or if could handle it at least. I’ve really only been around Ryker. 

——————

After we ate dinner, it was around 7 but Angela already looked exhausted. My mom set her to sleep in the guest room before leaving for work. I didn’t get why she always overworked herself. I knew she was tired too, but yet she stays awake almost all day to take care of us, and then leaves for work at night. When it was just me here as soon as she came back she’d give me a hug, take a shower, and then head to bed until it was later in the evening. I guess having more people in the house is making her think she has to stay up. I can take care of everyone. I didn’t mind playing around with Angela, I didn’t mind joking Lucky in a game, or going outside with everyone. I also didn’t mind cooking for more than just two people. So I didn’t exactly know why she stayed awake when she was so tired. 

“I can’t wait to head back home alreadyyyy.” Lucky groaned, the tv playing quietly in the background. He was on his phone while l sat reading a book as usual.  

“Sorry.” I mumbled, closing my book and turning my head to face the tv that was currently playing a movie about some cops trying to catch a serial killer or something like that. I wasn’t paying attention. 

Lucky stayed quiet for a while before facing me, “Sorry for what?” 

“That you have to stay here.” I answered. 

“It’s not even your fault. Plus, it’s not even bad here. I just miss being with my family, y’know?” Lucky explained, now facing the ceiling with his arms under his head. I nodded my head. I didn’t exactly know how he felt about this whole situation. I’m sure he realizes why he even has to be here. Because some people just don’t like humans. 

I opened my book again, trying to get at least halfway done with it before I fall asleep. At least that was my goal. Honestly I was extremely tired for no reason. I go to bed relatively early, and since I don’t have school anymore I’ve been waking up at around nine in the morning everyday. I didn’t know why I felt so exhausted. I wasn’t too worried though. I feel fine in the morning so it’s fine. 

“Can I ask you a question, Nathan?” Lucky asked, still staring at the ceiling. 

“Sure?” It came out more as a question. 

“Do you like Ryker?” 

My eyes widened. What kind of a question was that? “Yeah. He’s a nice friend. Why wouldn’t I?” Lucky started laughing, sitting up and now looking right at me, “I meant like, like him. Y’know, like a couple?” 

I felt my cheeks immediately heat up at the realization. Lucky started laughing so hard he was choking while I buried my face in my hands. This was embarrassing. I tried getting rid of the red blush that just seemed to be painted on me at this point. I groaned as Lucky caught his breath, still waiting on an answer, though I’m sure he’s already assume one. 

I’ve never really thought about it. I mean I do like him as a friend. He’s done nothing but help me ever since I’ve met him. I really do like being with him too. But do I really like him? I could just be mistaking it for liking him as a friend. That was probably it really. I don’t think I do. Nope. Plus, what makes anyone think that Ryker would like me back? It just didn’t make any sense. was he even into boys? Was I even into anyone? I’ve always thought that no one would want to be around me pretty much my whole life. I don’t know anymore at this point. Why were we even on the topic? 

“N-no. We’re just friends.” The blush on my face was still painted across my cheeks. Lucky just rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say.” 

I grabbed my book that I had lightly thrown on the cushion next to me and hid my bright red face in it. Just forget about it. Why would he ask that question anyways? It so random to ask. I was so unprepared too. There was no way I could just forget about this. 

—���—Ryker———

The cold air outside felt great. A thin layer of snow now covered the entire city from last nights little shower, and it just felt great to be outside. Today was going to be a good day. I could feel it. Today also happened to be the day that Lucky and Angela would be coming home with us, which we were all excited about. 

Jasmine had work today, and of course she was angry. It actually took me a while to clam her down so she wouldn’t be late for work. So now it was just Dylan and Isabelle with me as we headed to the bus stop to go and get them. I guess this counts as a family reunion? I mean, we haven’t really seen each other for nearly a week. It may not seem that long, but when all you have are your siblings, it’s not easy to let go of them. Let alone be apart from them for this amount of time. 

Nathan had already texted me that they were already waiting. Apparently his mom wanted to say goodbye to Angela because she grew attached to her. I wasn’t very surprised. They must be freezing though. I know this kind of weather is kind of amplified for humans too. My mind went back to that night that seemed like forever ago. When Nathan had just snuggled up as close as he wanted to me for warmth. My heart fell, and a small smile appeared on my face as we walked along the sidewalk. 

When we arrived at the bus stop, Lucky had practically ran as fast as he could to Dylan’s hand. Isabelle stayed in the back, smiling. I had told her before we had left to keep her distance from these two. Mainly because I had noticed how alert Nathan was when Isabelle was around. But that’s not something I should worry about now. 

I crouched down, watching a small four-year old girl stumble over the snow to get to me. I let down a finger for her to hang on to while I talked to Nathan and his mom, but I couldn’t help but notice how the woman standing next to Nathan flinched as soon as Angela had hugged my finger. Did she think I’d hurt my own sister? That-that can’t be it, right? 

“Thank you both so much. I don’t know what I would do if you hadn’t helped.” I slightly smiled, they smile back, “Oh you’re welcome! If you need help you can send them our way anytime!” His mother offered. She was the complete opposite of Nathan. She didn’t seem sheepish around me at all. So then why was Nathan so afraid? The thought snuck into the back of my mind, but I just pushed it aside. 

“Ready Angel?” I asked, waiting for her to nod her head, but instead she rushed over to Nathan’s mom, gave her a hug then hurried back. I chuckled, tilting my hand slightly for her to climb on herself. I turned to Nathan, who waved a little before quickly stuffing his hands into the pockets and scrunching up his jacket. Just as I called it, he was freezing. Maybe he wants to come with us for a little? I have to take them shopping since there was only a couple days until Christmas, and Dylan and Lucky still needed to find gifts. 

“Wanna come with us, Nathan? We’re just going shopping then heading back to my house.” I asked. He looked shocked before turning to his mom who nodded and whispered something to him. Nathan nodded his head with a smile on his face. I let my hand down again, watching him lift himself up on the first try, but still trip over thin air and fall. I would help him, but judging by the way he reacted a week ago when I was just trying to check up on him, I don’t think I really want to freak him out even more. 

I thanked his mom again for helping, and we left. Dylan and Lucky were catching up while we made our way to the small store where we usually go to. I handed Angela to Isabelle. She knew what to do and what not to do. I couldn’t imagine Isabelle ever hurting anyone or anything so it was fine. 

Behind me, Lucky and Dylan were laughing about something, and it made me kind of curious, but I didn’t want to bother them. Even if they spent hours talking on the phone and as much time together in school as they could, they still acted like they haven’t seen each other for years. That’s what happens when you let them share a room when they were younger. It wasn’t a bad thing though. Not at all. 

It wasn’t too early. Maybe about midday so it was a little warmer, but that didn’t stop me from worrying about the little ice cube in my palm that was shivering. Was he just sensitive to the cold? It would make sense. Not even Angela was, but then again she was wearing a thicker jacket. I slightly cupped my hand a little more, watching him adjust his position and bundle up a little more. My heart fell, I wish I could help more, but I was scared that he’d freak out again if I did anything more. The last thing I wanted was for him to be uncomfortable. 

“We’re almost there. You okay?” I asked worriedly, passing by some people on the sidewalk that seemed to be coming back from shopping themselves. A lot of them were carrying bags and wrapping paper. So people had the same idea as us.  

Nathan nodded his head, a slight smile on his face. Just a two more blocks. I looked back, seeing that Dylan was holding one of Isabelle’s hands and smirking right at me. Lucky was on his shoulder, and I’m guessing he was doing the exact same thing. I raised an eyebrow, making them both laugh. I rolled my eyes, turning to the huge parking lot coming into view. Surprisingly enough, there weren’t many cars. I guess it was a good thing we came relatively early. 

As soon as I entered the store, I was hit with warm air, slightly making it hard to breath for the split second I was under the heater. I stared down at Nathan, who looked relieved, but he still felt like an ice cube in my hand. Just give him some time. He looked like he was doing better already. A small smile involuntarily formed on my face. 

“Sooo it’s only Lucky and I picking out gifts today?” Dylan walked beside me. 

“Well yeah. If Isabelle and Angela want to get some things too.” I shrugged my shoulders, walking over to the sitting area where the small deli stand was. There weren’t too many people here, and I was just kind of here to make sure everything would be okay. I needed to get gifts too, but I just need to go pick them up when the order is done.  

“Alright. We won’t be long.” Dylan grabbed Isabelle’s hand again, asking her and Angela if they wanted to go pick out gifts for everyone. I laughed when they both cheered. Meanwhile, I let Nathan down on the table. It took him a while to catch his balance, but he just sat back down on the table instead of the human-sized table on top. It’s not like I minded though. We’ve shared a desk together since the start of school anyways. 

“Feeling better?” I asked, holding my head up with one of my hands. 

“Y-yeah,” He stuttered, playing with his hands, “Why’d you w-want me to come a-anyways?” 

I shrugged my shoulders, “Why not? You could have said no if you didn’t want to come.” 

He thought about his response for a bit, “Thank you.”  

I was a bit surprised. Why was he thanking me? What did I do for him? Get him out of the house? I was about to ask what for, but I wasn’t going to. He probably has his reasons. Whatever’s going on in his mind I guess. But I could say I was grateful that he said yes. I would have probably just been on my phone while waiting for Lucky and Dylan to pick out gifts. It gets boring. 

Crowds of people were leaving and some were entering. Every time someone had passed by us I couldn’t help but notice Nathan inch closer to me. Right. It’s been a while since we’ve really hung out I forgot he doesn’t really do well when other people are near him for whatever reason. I used my free hand to hide him from everyone’s sights. Maybe he’s just reticent. It wouldn’t be shocking. No offense! 

“Um, what are you doing for Christmas?” I tried taking his mind off of whatever was going on in there. He slightly flinched, then shook his head like I had just brought him back to reality, “Ah, um, reading? We… We don’t r-really do Christmas. Just hand each other gifts and th-that’s it.” He smiled like that’s normal. Then again, as far as I know it was only him and his mom. Still, it must be pretty sad that the doesn’t really celebrate. 

“That’s it?” I looked at him sadly as he nodded his head. Usually we just kind of decorate together, which was why I hadn’t even set up the tree yet, but then Dylan and I make dinner, and we just open gifts. It’s not like this big thing though. It used to be when my parents were still here. 

“If you want to you can celebrate with us. You don’t need to get us gifts or anything either.” I offered, making him laugh. A confused look was plastered on my face before he explained, “I kinda… already have g-gifts for you all.” 

I blinked a few times. That I was not expecting. When? Why? Why did he get us all gifts? He didn’t have to. Now I kind of feel bad that he actually spent money on us. Did he get one for everyone? I think he did. 

“Huh? W-why?” I was at a loss for words. Of course I bought him something, and I really hoped he liked it, but now I have to worry if it’ll be equal to whatever he bought for me. My initial plan was to surprise him with it, but apparently he had the same idea. I just hoped that it wasn’t anything crazy expensive because then I’d really feel bad. 

“You’ve all b-been really nice to m-me,” He started, “Oh yeah! I still d-don’t have anything for Dylan. D-do you mind helping me?” 

“I mean, yeah of course, b-but how did you even…?” I was confused. How did he get presents if he’s… vertically challenged. Our size difference limits us a lot so how did he even buy gifts if they’d be fifty times bigger than himself? Even we struggle with that which explains why we all go Christmas shopping at different times with Lucky since Angela can’t walk into a human-sized store by herself. 

“I haven’t b-bough them yet. I actually need y-your help with that too.” He laughed nervously. Now that makes more sense. I just nodded, smiling. Nathan was too good of a friend for me. I wasn’t expecting anything honestly. I would definitely give him a hug if I didn’t think he’d be afraid. 

——————

I gave Nathan a list of everything Dylan was into, even the embarrassing stuff that only his family knows about, but I trust Nathan not to tell anyone. Eventually he found something and sent it to me to make sure. It was a poster of one of his favorite actors, signed and everything apparently. Dylan absolutely loves watching movies. Even the old ones made thirty years before he was even born. I don’t know where Nathan found that at, but oh my gosh if all the gifts are like that I am going to feel so bad that mine won’t even be comparable to his. 

Right on time, Dylan and all of them came back with bags in their hands. We all left and walked back to our house. Like I said, today was a good day. 

———Nathan———

Today really was a good day. I have no idea why I had thought that hits morning, but obviously it wasn’t lying to me. It’s been a while since I’ve hung out with Ryker, so of course I said yes to his invitation. Before I left my mom just whispered for me to go, like she was going out to do something as well. I knew she took off work today as well so obviously something was happening there. But I completely forgot about it while I was at Ryker’s house. 

It was already getting late. The sun just barely peaking out over the horizon. There was a light snow outside, covering the already frosted ground outside. It was nice and warm inside, with the heater on and slightly blowing right on me. I was snuggled up near the windowsill in the living room, blanket on top of me and staring outside watching the sun go down. Ryker was helping his siblings wrap gifts, so it was just me for now. It was surprisingly quiet except for the faint crinkling of wrapping paper. 

The front door opened wide, letting in cold air that slightly stung my face. I peaked my head around the wall that obstructed my view, seeing a girl with long, curly black hair with a few dark purple streaks walk into the house, carrying a two bags and a uniform that looked like it belonged to a gas station. I guess Jasmine was working or something? Either way, I pressed myself up father into the corner, trying not to be seen by her. She scares me. Even if Lucky said she’s a lot nicer than she’s been to me, I don’t exactly think she’ll ever like me. 

“Ry! I’m home!” She screamed from across the house. I stayed under the blanket, staying hidden. I have a feeling the second she sees me she’ll start asking questions or threaten me. Luckily, she didn’t see me, and instead headed off to her room, soon followed by the sound of the shower starting. 

Ryker walked back into the room, grabbing something off from a table and leaving again. Then everyone had started bringing in the now wrapped presents and placing them on the on the floor. Ryker came back with a box and set it down beside the couch. I forced myself to crawl a bit closer to see what they were doing. Setting up a Christmas tree. I’m guessing they had the ornaments in the box too. 

“Alright, you guys go crazy.” Ryker laughed, opening up the box and walking to the couch by the windowsill I was currently sitting down at. He sat down, sighing and turned to check on me. I flashed a smile, earning one back. 

I watched as Dylan set up the tree for everyone while Isabelle quickly grabbed some white streamers and draped all over the tree messily. My attention was turned to the still form on the couch next to me. Ryker’s chest slowly fell and rose, his eyes closed and covered up in the blanket. He looked comfortable… 

Was he asleep? Probably. I would too if I had to keep up with this many people. Was it hard? Well no duh, Nathan. He always looks tired when he’s at school. Should I leave now then? I didn’t want to wake him up when I had to go. I would feel terrible. Actually, now would be a great time to ask Dylan about getting Ryker an extra gift in case he won’t like the one I have for him. The only problem is mustering up the courage to even talk to him. Alone. I think it’d be fine though. It’s only for a little bit until I can eventually make this. 

It took them around twenty minutes to place all of their ornaments on the tree, but they did. None of them dared to wake up Ryker after they were done either. Jasmine walked into the room, dressed up in white sweatpants and a sweater. She walked up to Ryker, rolling her eyes with a smile on her face before she noticed me. Her smile disappeared as she glared at me. I sank back, burying myself in the blanket. What did I do to her? 

She averted her attention to the tree, smiling and talking with both Isabelle and Angela. Thanking them for helping with the tree and then continued to play around with Angela in her hands. No wonder she threatened me so much when she had to watch Angela leave. Jasmine was really attached to her. Kind of like my mom. 

“Boo!” I physically jumped, my heart racing from the scare. I looked behind me, seeing Lucky laughing, nearly choking. Dylan was also laughing, but I just smiled. Where did he even come from? 

“Oh my gosh you should have seen your face!” Dylan let out a hand for me to help me get on my feet. It took me a while to balance myself from sitting down for so long, but I managed. 

“You want to get out of here for a bit?” Lucky asked just as soon as Dylan offered an open palm. I stared at it, wide-eyed. I really only trust Ryker to hold me, but I guess this won’t be so bad. 

“Sure.” Lucky grabbed my wrist as we walked on, and for the first time in my life I didn’t trip and fall on my face embarrassingly. Okay, so I had help this time but one day I’ll be able to do it on my own. Hopefully. Or maybe I won’t even have to. 

Dylan took us to his room, where there were tons of posters of games and a little tv stand with a shelf full of some books that he probably needed for school and some games along with VHS tapes. I was honestly really surprised by the place. I don’t know why expected there to be sporty things like weights and basketballs. Y’know. What athletes have. 

There was a bedside dresser with a few human-sized things on it which I was guessing was Lucky’s temporary room. I was guessing these two just shared a room since his other room wasn’t at all filled with things. Just a few clothes and a dresser. I’m guessing everything else was here. 

Lucky and I were set down on the dresser while Dylan sat down on his bed. Lucky gave me a short tour of his own little room before letting me sit down on his bed while he sat in a chair. It was quiet for a second before Jasmine’s voice screamed from the other room, “Lucky!” 

He groaned in response while Dylan snickered, letting lucky onto the floor. It was just the two of us now. I waited until I saw Lucky leave before trying my hardest to calm down before I had a actually tried to talk to Dylan by myself. I could when there were people around. What’s so different this time? I had no one to save me if I said the wrong thing. 

“Oh hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you what you got Ryker for Christmas. Lucky told me you had something good.” Dylan spoke first, a grin on his face. Well I already told Lucky, so if I don’t tell Dylan he’ll just end up telling him. There was no point in hiding it. 

“C-concert tickets.” I answered, hoping he could hear. I was guessing he did by the reaction. His eyes went wide and his jaw slightly opened wide in shock. 

“That one band he’s absolutely crazy for?” 

I nodded my head. Not the way I would word it. I actually kind of find it funny how much Ryker loves that band. I forgot the name, but he’ll remind me when I show him the tickets. 

“Oh my gosh he’s gonna to go crazy.” Dylan laughed. Does that mean he’ll like it? If that’s so then I don’t need to ask for help. This makes my life so much easier. I’m so glad I don’t have to ask for any favors. It’s not exactly a grate first impression to immediately ask for something. I let out a sigh of relief.

——————

I didn’t leave the house until about an hour after Ryker woke up. It was close to midnight, but it’s not like I’m some little kid who has a bed time. Heck, we don’t even have school tomorrow so it really didn’t matter. 

When I arrived home, my mom was asleep on the couch, the tv playing The Golden Girls per usual and the blanket halfway on the ground. I smiled to myself, pulling the blanket over her and turning up the heater. She was freezing. I headed to my room, grabbed a pair of clothes, took an extremely hot shower, and buried myself under the blankets. Things were going great. Maybe life really didn’t hate me all that much. 

———Ryker———

It was Christmas Day. The day everyone was waiting for. Especially Angela and Isabelle who woke me up at six in the morning to wish everyone in the house a merry Christmas. I admit, I was just the slightest bit annoyed, but that was because I went to bed late at night cleaning up and setting up gifts. I also had to take out some food to defrost for later. 

This morning was a huge mess. Even if we weren’t really doing anything until later, I still had to go pick up a few things before. The day before I helped Nathan with the gifts he had bought, which by the way he ordered online (I don’t know how I didn’t think about this sooner) I wrapped the one’s I could while he wrapped the other two that belonged to Lucky and Angela. I was honestly surprised at how thoughtful he was. He even bought one for Jasmine and I know for a fact that Jasmine would absolutely love it. Although she doesn’t like to admit it, she absolutely loves stuffed animals. I just don’t know how he even knew. Was he just guessing? Then I also noticed that he was hiding mine from me. I wondered what it could be, but I would find out later today. 

I also had to go pick him up today, but that wasn’t my priority right now. I planned on going early in the morning, but the snow was coming down pretty heavy so I had to wait. I wouldn’t have minded heading out there, it’s just I didn’t want to get sick. I rarely do, but when it does happen, it’s terrible. So now it was almost four in the afternoon, only about two hours before all the stores started closing. Just barely making it in time to go pick up the cake Jasmine had ordered. Why she didn’t get it herself? I had zero idea. I would have made her get it if she hadn’t been half asleep. 

Once in the store, the sweet smell of strawberry and chocolate filled my nose. Curse my sweet tooth. Where did she even find this place at? It was like in the middle of nowhere, yet it looked so nice inside and smelled delicious. A woman walked up to the counter, her apron dressed in icing and batter. 

“Hi! Did you have an order?” She smiled, ready to tap away at the screen in front of her. 

“Oh, um, I think it’s under the name Jasmine?” I replied, not being able to take my eyes off of the amazing looking cookies that were displayed. 

“Yup! Let me just go get the box.” She left the room. Jasmine purposely made me come get this. She was doing something at home, and she thought she could distract me. Damn it it’s working. 

The woman came back with a white box and typed something in the computer before l grabbed the box, and I guess she saw me looking at the displays because she just laughed, “I’ll give you a small box for free. How’s that sound?” 

“Yes please.” I almost immediately replied, laughing along with her. I swear if Jasmine makes fun of me for this when I get home… I was handed another small box while I thanked the lady and left. 

When I walked in the house, Jasmine was waiting right at the front door, a huge smirk on her face. I glared at her. 

“Why the extra box?” She could barely hold in her snicker. I rolled my eyes, “Shut up. You’re not getting any.” I stuck my tongue out immaturely, while she tried reaching for the extra box I was holding just above my head. She gave up about two minutes later, snatching the cake from my hands and muttering something as she made her way to the kitchen. 

I looked at the time, reading six thirty already. Now would be a good time to go quickly pick up Nathan. I gave him a quick text, placed the box of cookies in my room, and went back out. 

——————

It only took me about half an hour to walk over there and back. Everyone knew Nathan was coming, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited. I mean, he’s never had a real Christmas according to him, so I’m glad I can at least give him the opportunity. Even if we aren’t family or anything, I think it’s a nice change of things. Plus, afterwards the younger ones go to bed while the rest of us stay up a little longer and go to our separate rooms. Really I was the only one alone because Jasmine falls asleep almost immediately. Nathan was actually staying the night, and not in the human accommodating house. I didn’t want him to be alone so I had offered to make a little space for him in my room. He agreed. 

So now we were at the house, Nathan sitting down in my room away from the chaos happening. I was cooking, Dylan clearing the middle of the living room for later, Jasmine keeping the little ones busy, Lucky was taking a shower. Things were going great surprisingly enough. This was only the second time time we’ve celebrated without our parents, so I was expecting something to happen, but everyone seemed happy. The first time was hard for us, and we barely even wanted to celebrate, but it’s what our parents would have wanted, so we kept on going. 

The food was relatively done, I just needed to go get some plates and get everyone in here. I went to my room, finding Nathan sitting on the makeshift bed I made out of some soft cloth I cut off of one my hoodies. What? I don’t used that one anymore. I would have been more than happy to let him on my bed and I sleep on the floor (I’m sure he was terrified just as much as I was about what could happen if we slept on the same bed) but I figured he’d feel bad, so I tried to make it as comfy as possible. 

“Sorry for just leaving you here. I wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with the chaos happening in the other room.” I explained, offering a hand. He shook his head, stepping on and falling forward yet again. He’ll get it at some point. Hopefully. 

“It’s fine.” He replied, groaning as he sat back up. 

Lucky was already making the three of them a plate. I don’t really know where he learned how to do it, but he just did. I wasn’t complaining. It was less work for me anyways. As soon as everyone had their plate, we ate around the coffee table, laughing and sometimes messing around with one another. Jasmine had brought up the cookies again before I lightly slapped her shoulder. 

Once we all finished eating, it was time for presents, which I handed out to everyone. Nathan told me to let everyone know to open the present he gave them last just so he knows how much they would all really like it. I just went along with it, so now everyone was kind of excited. I opened mine, getting one of the hoodies I had shown Jasmine just a few days ago. From Dylan a pair of new headphones since my old ones broke sadly. Lucky bought me some new markers since my old ones were dry. Isabelle and Angela combined their gifts and gave me a little picture frame of both of them (My heart was melting) that I would definitely be placing on the tv stand later. 

It was weird for me since I didn’t have a physical gift from Nathan, and I didn’t really know how to react to that. Just what did he get me? I was so confused, but I waited patiently. I’m sure I’d love whatever it is either way. 

Everyone was done opening their gifts, only left with one. Nathan jumped when all the attention was on him, visibly trembling. I stepped in for him. “Jasmine should go first.” I grinned. She rolled her eyes, grabbing the box I had stuffed the gift in. 

“Like this is gonna be good…” She mumbled. I elbowed her side while Nathan looked down a little sadly. Just wait… 

As soon as she had opened it, her jaw nearly dropped. She glared at me for a split second before turning back to the adorable looking teddy bear. She hates admitting it, but she loves those kinds of things. 

“Okay, maybe you’re not so bad after all.” She smiled at him for the first time ever. 

“My turn!” Isabelle and Angela both opened theirs at the same time, revealing a matching set of clothes. I had to cover my ears from the high pitched squeals. Nathan laughed, covering his ears too. 

Lucky opened his, a game that he’s been wanting for forever. He hugged Nathan, he flinched at the contact, but either way hugged him lightly back. Dylan followed, confused at what his could be before he opened it up all the way and stuttered, struggling to find what to say. 

“H-how did you…” He looked over the me, but I just shrugged and smirked. 

“You are literally the best.” Dylan laughed, folding the paper back up. 

We all laughed, including Nathan who was walking closer to me, waiting on the edge. Was he waiting for something? Oh! I let me hand out, seeing him use my thumb to help him balance so he didn’t embarrass himself in front of everyone. I brought him closer, confused the entire time as he pulled out his phone, and seconds later my own phone going off. He pointed at his as I hurried to pull mine out, and nearly dropped my phone when I saw the pictures he sent. 

“You’re kidding, right?” I felt my face heat up slightly, watching him shake his head and laugh a bit. I did a double take before covering my mouth with my free hand. 

“Told you he’d love it!” Dylan smiled. 

I absolutely do yes. 

“I-I, um, wasn’t sure if you’d like it.” 

“Are you kidding? This is literally the best thing you could have ever given me.” I laughed, trying my hardest to hide the blush on my face, but it was too late because everyone was laughing except for Angela and Isabelle. Including me. Oh my gosh this was so much better than my gift to him. How was I even going to compare to his? 

I looked to Lucky, who nodded his head and grabbed it really quickly before I even let Nathan back onto the table. Lucky handed it to him and pointed at me. Nathan started opening it, stopping halfway as he tried to figure out what it was. It wasn’t anything too special. Just a picture frame of the two of us. A picture we had taken a long time ago when we had to share classes. The same day that we hung out together for the first time. 

“It’s not anything special. I’m not the best at picking gifts, but I hope you like it.” 

I was surprised when he hugged it close to his chest and looked like he was about to cry. 

“Awww.” Lucky joked around. I couldn’t help but notice the slight blush on his cheeks. He loved it. 

We cleaned up, had the younger kids go to sleep and Jasmine. Dylan and Lucky were in their room watching a movie, while my door was closed along with my curtains. The only light was coming from the dim lamp I had on my desk. I let Nathan down on the nightstand. We were both changed into something more comfortable. So now it was just the two of us. 

“I can’t believe you bought me tickets.” I exasperated, still in shock. 

“Well yeah. You’re really nice to me, help me out a whole lot.” 

I turned to face him, a slight smile on my face, “Really? I feel like you’re the one always helping me.” He nodded his head. It went silent for a bit before I decided to break it, “Are you tired?” Honestly, I was exhausted, but I was willing to keep Nathan company until he fell asleep. 

“Mmm… yeah.” He replied, already under a blanket. I chuckled lightly, gettin under my own, “Good night then.” 

“Good night, Ryker.” I heard him reply. I’ve rarely heard him say my name before, and I don’t know why my face started heating up. 

Four days later.

———Nathan———

Everything was going so great. The Christmas party at Ryker’s was amazing. Even the few days before that it was great just the be with everyone. My mom was happy, I was happy. Life was finally turning around for me. For the first time in years I finally felt like I could actually have a normal life. I had friends, I was going to graduate in five months. Everything was looking all up for me. 

So why did it get flipped back around? 

My mom and I were just going to go buy fireworks. Just the small ones. Nothing too huge. That’s all we wanted. This was really the only thing we truly celebrated together since it marked the start of the a new year. It marked that we could restart our lives over again. We loved watching the many colors paint the sky. That’s all we wanted. And we couldn’t have it. 

We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time I guess? Because everyone just acted like nothing had happened. That everything was going to be fine and okay. But it wasn’t. Nothing was “fine and okay.” I had really thought that maybe my life was finally turning around for the better just like my mom’s had, but no. I can never have anything nice just once. Just once I wanted something nice. And I couldn’t have it. Just like the fireworks we couldn’t have. 

The store we were shopping at was relatively empty. Only a few people here and there. The only thing about it was that it was really close to the giant part of the city. That was all we were wary about. But we brushed it off. After all, we would only be there for about an hour then head back home. 

“Ooo these look nice, right?” My mom picked up a tiny pack. I smiled, holding out the basket I was holding and let her place it in along with the two other tiny packs we had. We had continued looking, not at all aware of the large tremors that only grew more and more. And neither did the other people in the store. We all had just thought it was some unaware giant walking across the street. If only that were true. 

The next thing we know, there’s screaming outside, we heard people fighting, we were rushed outside so we didn't get hurt, but we shouldn’t have ran outside. Two giants were fighting right in the open. Brutally at that. One had a very muscular build while the other was built, but not as muscular as the guy on top of him, laying punches in the face. People tried to break up the fight, but it only grew worse, and soon enough, the giants decided to bring humans into it. The one that was being pouched in the face continuously had tried to reach practically anything he could, and that just so happened to be a human-sized tree from a nearby park. Right where my mom was standing dialing 911. 

I mean, what are the chances of that? It seemed like a made up lie, but it wasn’t. Trust me, I’ve tried my hardest to convince myself that it wasn’t real, that there was no way my mom would just be standing there and it just so happens that the giant would try reaching for the tree right next to her. Hah! It was ridiculous, right? I only wished I wasn’t telling the truth. 

I stood in fear as I heard her scream at the top of her lungs while in the giant’s fist which was also holding the huge tree that looked minuscule in his hand. I couldn’t move. My mom was there. Getting hurt. And all I could do was stand and watch. 

Eventually help did come, all the other humans had gone away except for the few that actually cared about what happened with my mom. I knew I was, because as soon as the paramedics came to see how she was doing, I nearly started sobbing in front of so many people. I’ve seen her like this before. She’ll be okay. Just let her heal for a few weeks and she can come back home. Right? I wish that were true. I wish that we hadn’t even decided to go to that stupid store. I wished that she was standing right next to me. But she wasn’t. And now everything I’ve worked so hard to build up here in this city is just taken away. 

I stayed at the hospital, right next to my mom’s limp and weak body. The doctors were trying their hardest to keep her from… you can probably guess. Five broken ribs, a broken leg, and internal bleeding. I’m also pretty sure the doctor’s were hiding something from me, but I don’t know. She couldn’t breath well, and she winces every time she tries to move. Every time she wakes up she tells me to go home and get some rest. I tell her that I wasn’t leaving until she would be able to come home with me. 

Today was no different. She would wake up, struggle to sit up, and eat her breakfast while I stayed sitting on the little bench. The doctor’s let me stay the night. I guess they felt bad or something? I didn’t know, but I wasn’t leaving her here. My phone would go off at least two times a day. It was always Ryker. I’m guessing he had heard what had happened, but I really didn’t feel like talking. Not now when this was when my mom needed me most. 

“You should…. Eat…. Hon.” She had to take a few breaths between each word, which worried me, but the doctor’s would help with that. I believed it. 

“I’m okay mom. Don’t worry about me.” My voice was light and tired. I didn’t feel hungry, but I knew my body was. I hadn’t eaten since the day she came here which was about three days ago. School starts tomorrow, but they called and said I didn’t have to come back until two weeks.  

I refused to cry over this. If I did, then it would show that I’d given up. Mom always hated to see me cry. So I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t have to anyways since she would be coming back home with me. 

My phone started going off again. Everyday at exactly nine and six Ryker would call, and I would let it ring until he was sent to voicemail. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to do anything but stay here with my mom and make sure she gets better. If she doesn’t then I don’t know what I would do. 

“Maybe… you should… talk to him.” She wheezed. I shook my head, “I don’t feel like talking to anyone.” 

“He’s worried, Nate. Just… promise me… you’ll talk to him?” I thought about it for a second before nodding my head. I was already hanging onto a promise her and I made all those years ago. 

——————

“Mom!” 

“Yes, Nate?” 

“Do you promise to stay with me for forever?” I hung onto the hem of her tattered dress. 

“Of course.” She smiled down at me.

——————

She had to keep that promise. She’s all I have left. Dad was already gone… I didn’t want to lose her too. 

“Honey, go get some breakfast. For me, please?” She had begged, and I just couldn’t say no. I walked over to the door, and told I would be back. 

———Ryker———

What happened three days ago was heartbreaking. At first I didn’t believe it. That’s a really big stretch, but it happened. How do I know? Because I’ve been calling and calling Nathan, and he doesn’t answer. It’s almost like he doesn’t wan tot talk, but then again I did the same with my own siblings after our parents passed away. I pushed them away and locked myself in my room. That’s what was happening with Nathan. 

I had heard his mom was in the hospital, still healing, and I really do hope that she would be okay. Her and Nathan. It’s going to break Nathan if she… y’know. 

Everyday I call him twice, he never answered. I understood why. I couldn’t be mad at him. The same thing happened to me. I pushed everyone away, and I only pulled myself together when I realized that they were also hurting. They helped me out like they did each other and now look at us. Back to some-what normal. Not to mention that they didn’t know how to cook or clean. 

I groaned, leaning back in my desk chair while looking at my phone. I felt terrible. All I wanted to do was to try and help him out as much as I could. I would give him anything he needed. I know how bad it gets, and I would hate to see him like that. 

My phone was going off, and I was surprised to see that Nathan was actually calling me back. I quickly picked up my phone and clicked the green phone button. 

“Oh my gosh Nathan! Are you okay? I-I heard what happened and-“ 

“This is Ryker, right?” It was a raspy woman’s voice. His mom.

“Oh, y-yes ma’am.” My hands were shaking, my heart racing. I don’t know why. 

“I-I’m sorry to ask… you of this but… can you do something… for me?” I covered my mouth, my heart throbbing. She sounded terrible. How could Nathan still be there and listen to his own mother like this? I couldn’t if I was him. Oh Nathan… 

“Anything!” 

I heard her lightly chuckle, “Just make sure… Nate doesn’t do anything bad… please? H-he’s really not… doing good.” 

“Of course.” I would imagine he wouldn't be doing too good. 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

She hung up. 

I threw my phone on my bed, worried about what Nathan was even doing. I really am worried about him. So is nearly all of my siblings. Including Jasmine. I really wanted to talk to him. But I don’t think he’s going to school for the next couple of weeks. How do I know? Because I have the exact same message from the school. Also with a small note from Mrs. Kay saying that I should be there for him. Why wouldn’t I? I’m not a fake friend. I just hoped Nathan would call me eventually. 

———Nathan———

She wasn’t getting any better. Actually, I think she was getting worse. The doctor’s increased the amount of pain meds for her, and nearly everyday they have to do an emergency procedure because she couldn’t breath right. That’s when I received the news that she had a punctured lung, which explains why she couldn’t breath properly. But that wasn’t good news. There was none. Anything I had heard was something that was wrong with her. 

It was evening now, I was reading a book while she had the channel turned on to The Golden Girls. Everything was peaceful until she had a fit of coughs, and eventually the heart monitor was beeping fast. The doctors rushed in, and I could hear her struggle to breath again. 

“Mom!” I yelled, watching as they had rushed her down the hallway. 

“I love you, Nate.” She formed a weak smile right before they shut the door on me to the procedure room. 

——————

I came back home after a week of staying in the hospital on that uncomfortable bench. I had a bag over my shoulder, and stood in the empty living room. It was quiet. You could only hear the faint sounds of crickets outside in the dark. I headed to my room, turned on the lamp in my room, and laid down in my bed, holding the old teddy bear up against my chest. 

She was gone. 

Tears formed in my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. And I didn’t. She wouldn’t want to see me like that. She would say that there was no reason to cry. But there was. I had no one now. Just myself. What would I do now? I sucked in a shaky breath, falling asleep and hoping that all of those was just some sick nightmare. 

When I woke up the next morning, it was quiet still. I stood up, changed my clothes and headed to the living room, where no one was sitting down watching tv. I headed to my mom’s room, finding her bed messy. She always makes sure it’s made before leaving the house. 

So it really wasn’t a nightmare. 

I wasn’t hungry. At least I didn’t feel hungry. I had only eaten that one day, and even then all I had was half a muffin. It’s been about four days since then. I felt that my body was weak, but I didn’t care. There was nothing for me to care about. I had just thought for once second that everything was alright. That everything was going great, and then this happens. It’s just my luck, right? 

My phone was going off. It hasn’t for a while. Ryker was calling again, and I still didn’t really feel like talking to anyone. Of course I realized that he was just trying to check up on me, but I really wasn’t up to the task. I wasn’t even up to the task of making myself something to eat, so what makes anyone think I could hold a conversation. 

It was cold in the house, so I just grabbed a blanket and bundled myself up on the couch. The tv was on in the background. It was usually on, and I was so used to it playing something while I was in my room reading or taking a nap. What was I supposed to do with my life now? There really was no meaning if I didn’t have anyone anymore. Ryker could move on. He didn’t need to worry about me. I was just a temporary friend anyways. 

Why am I thinking like this? 

I can’t believe I fell for a false ending. I thought I could just live a happy life now. Of course whatever bad luck was following me never went away. I could keep wishing all I want, but it wouldn’t bring any of my parents back. I could cry, but it wouldn’t bring them back. No matter how hard it was to keep the tears from falling. They would hate to see me like that. They would also hate to see me alone, but it was hard to choose between the two. 

I don’t want to leave Ryker. 

I groaned, burying my face into my hands. Maybe Ryker would give up on me too if I stayed quiet long enough. He’d eventually stop calling me everyday and find a new friend that was much, much better than me. Then again… I don’t want to lose him too. I really do like him. He’s been nothing but patient and kind to me. This was how I’d be repaying him? I was a horrible person. I would tell him that I’m sorry if I had the guts to. But I don’t. There’s nothing more I want in the world than to just cry and cry and cry, and I couldn’t. 

“I’m trying to keep myself together, mom.” I whispered, stifling back a sob and burying my entire body under the sheets. I felt terrible. I deserve everything that’s happened to me… I’m a horrible person and no one would disagree with me. 

——————

For the next four days I just slept. Off and on. There were some days I would sit outside in the cold and watch as people walked down the street or how many cars went passing by. I’d go back inside, lay down on the couch with my little bear and go to sleep. I didn’t feel like doing anything else, and somehow I woke up the next day feeling even more tired than before. I didn’t know if that was a sign that my body was giving up on me, or if was from the lack of food that I’ve been neglecting to give to my body. I just haven’t been feeling like it. 

Ryker never stopped calling, and each time he did my heart throbbed. Each time he called I had to hold in the tears that were already so hard not to let out. All of a sudden I wanted nothing more than for him to hold me close and keep me warm like he used to. I missed it. I missed him. Which was an odd thing for me to say. I grew too used to him, but was that really a bad thing? It just means it’ll hurt more when he eventually leaves me. He’ll take one good look at me now, and abandon me. Even the slightest mention of the thought was enough for me to not to answer his calls. I wanted to answer so badly. 

Please help me. 

I always repeated in my mind. I still had his gift. The picture of the two of us the first time we ever hung out together. I didn’t realize how small I really was next to him until I saw that photo, but I loved it. I had a real smile on my face. I haven’t been able to do that for a while. 

This morning wasn’t any different, I sat outside for a while until I couldn’t feel my fingers, walked back inside, grabbed a book, and read until I fell asleep. When I woke up, I’d put the tv on, clean up whatever little mess was in the house, and head back outside for a little. I at least like to get a little bit of sunlight everyday. I wasn’t really taking the best care of myself, but I could just do this one little thing. It couldn’t hurt me anymore than I already was. 

Maybe I could walk over to Ryker’s? 

That was an insane thought. There was no way I could do it. Plus, he probably doesn’t even want to see me. He’s called so many times I forgot what number I was at. Why would he want to see me? I really haven’t been the best. At all. Though… I could at least try. I know where he lives. I’ve been there plenty of times to know. I really did want to see him too. 

I grabbed my phone, zipped up my jacket, and started to walk slowly down the sidewalk. It was a long walk just to reach the small gas station that was close by their house. The sun was long gone, it was cold and snowing lightly outside, my face was freezing and my skin stung from the cold, but I kept on going. I was almost there. If he wanted to see me, he’d let me in and I could be warm again, have someone to talk to, finally be comfortable. If he doesn’t, then I’d be left out in the cold and get hypothermia unless I can make it back to my house in time. 

In total, it took me nearly an hour and a half to reach their house. I stared at the huge door in front of me, shivering. This was a bad idea. This could either go really good, or end really badly. I guess there was only one way to find out. 

I grabbed my phone with my shaking, ice-cold hands and called Ryker back. 

———Ryker———

Everyone was gone on some overnight school trip. The entire district. It was to some theme park a couple hours away from here, and I didn’t really feel like attending. Actually, I haven’t even been going to school since I received that message. I’ve been hanging onto hope that Nathan would eventually answer one of my calls. He never did. 

So now, here I was, watching a movie by myself in the living room. It was pretty late, but might as well finish off the movie. I was sitting down with a bowl of half-eaten popcorn when my phone started ringing. Probably just one of my siblings- 

It was Nathan. 

I freaked out, quickly pausing the movie and placing the bowl I had on the coffee table in front of me before answering. 

“Hello?” 

It took a while for Nathan to reply, but he did, and I was more than shocked. 

“U-um. C-c-could you o-o-open your d-d-door?” 

He just walked all the way from his house to mine. In the cold. While it was snowing. Of course I hurried to open the door, seeing the small being that was Nathan on my doorstep, shivering. I dropped my phone of the floor, scooping him up into my hand, hearing him let out a tiny squeak before I shut the door behind us. 

I gave him a second to catch his breath, his chest quickly rising up and down. I apologized so many times as I slid down the door. Nathan did not look good at all. He looked skinnier, I could tell he wasn’t really taking care of himself. I waited for him to say something, but he was struggling himself just to find the words. 

I wasn’t mad at him. Not at all. I’ve wanted to see him. I’ve wanted him to say for me to help him. Was this the time? I would do everything I could for him. Starting with making him something to eat since I’m positively sure he hasn’t been eating. I technically made a promise to his mom and I was not about to break it. 

“Did… did you want something to eat?” I whispered. It took him a second to process what I asked him, but he nodded, and I couldn’t tell if he was shivering of trembling in my hand. I stood up slowly, guiding us to the kitchen and tilting my hand on the counter for him to get off. I grabbed a plate of leftovers I made for myself last night and started heating it up in the microwave. I watched with sympathy as he scooted his back up against the paper towels and dug his head into his knees. He felt bad. 

“H-hey look, I promise I’m not mad at all. I understand why you didn’t answer my calls.” I tried to make him feel better. It’s not like I would lie to him. Nathan just shook his head, taking deep breaths to stop himself from crying. I bit the inside of my cheek, hearing the microwave go off. I took out the small container of chicken and rice and worked on making Nathan a small enough plate. I handed him the small pieces, offering a small smile as he took a bite. 

I waited until he was full, seeing that he didn’t really eat much, but it was better than nothing. Then, went over to the living room to turn off the tv. Obviously he wasn’t going home tonight. He was probably exhausted anyways, and I never did get rid of those makeshift accommodations for him. I don’t think he really wants to be alone either. 

“Do you wanna go lie down for a bit?” I asked, my hand palm up and ready for him to climb on. Nathan nodded his head, climbing on and sitting in the middle, a little warmer now. I closed the door to my room and turned on the lamp on my desk. I placed my hand on the nightstand for him to get off, but he didn’t Instead, he shook his head, grabbing as much of my sweater sleeve as he could and hung on tight. My heart fell. He just wanted someone to be there for him, and how could I deny him that? 

I smiled, sitting down up against the head of my bed and just let him stay in my palm. He was hurting, and I couldn’t just leave him like that. That’s when he let go and pointed back to the set up I had on my nightstand. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I don’t mind. I get why you’re upset. I’ve been through the same thing.” His eyes went wide before shaking his head, “It’s not the same thing! I watched the doctors take her away. She said ‘I love you’ right before she went through the doors, and she never came out. She knew she wasn’t going back with me. I had no one waiting for me at home because my dad was also killed right in front of my face! I’ve been depressed and lonely for years, and I had no one. Did you have to watch your own parents die in front of your face? Were you alone after everything happened? No, because you had your siblings to help you!” He covered his mouth as I stared wide-eyed right back at him. He wasn’t wrong. I had people help me. Nathan didn’t. Which was why I wanted to help him. But the next words that came out of his mouth shook me to the core. 

“Please don’t hurt me. I-I’m s-sorry.” 

He brought his knees up to his chest and covered his head with his arms. My heart skipped a beat. He was afraid of me, and that just made me horrified. He never told me what happened to him before he moved here. He never told me why he was so afraid of giants. So, whatever had happened was obviously was affecting how he felt right now. 

“What? No, never little guy. Why would I hurt you?” 

“You’re not mad?” 

I shook my head, “Not at all.” 

I watched as he wiped away loose tears, sniffling them back and scooting closer to me. I braced myself for what I knew what was coming next. 

———Nathan———

Once the tears had started flooding my eyes, there was nothing I could do to stop from crying in front of Ryker now. I bit the side of my cheek so hard the faint taste of blood filled my mouth. Don’t cry. Don’t cry, don’t cry. But my own words didn’t stop the tears from cascading down my face. 

Ryker fixed my position in his palm while I struggled to wipe away the loose tears that were only falling down harder the more I kept thinking about the tragic events that have happened this past month. Why? Why’d she have to leave me here? 

I was full on sobbing at this point. I had buried my face in Ryker’s hoodie to muffle the sounds of my cries. I could hear the faint sound of his heartbeat, I could hear his light breathing. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Ryker. Is what I wish I could say to him, but I currently couldn’t 

Something warm pressed me up lightly against Ryker’s chest. I flinched, slightly turning my head to see that the pad of his thumb was offering some kind of comfort. It felt weird to me, but somehow I liked it? I didn’t want him to let go of me, but I was also scared at the same time. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m right here, Nathan.” Ryker whispered softly, noticeably trying to comfort me while I just cried and cried into the fabric of his hoodie. I’m sorry Ryker. I wanted to say it so badly, but I couldn’t. Why did he worry about me so much? I should be at home, alone, crying into my pillow. Why did he want to stay with an insignificant little human whose life somehow gets turned upside down every other month? 

“I’m s-s-sorry.” I managed to say in between sobs. He lightly squeezed me against him before responding, “You’re the one who’s hurt, Nathan. You don’t have to apologize if I’m the one who wants to help you, okay?” 

And I could practically hear the sad smile forming on his face as he continued to offer a comforting presence. 

I quietly kept on crying, grabbing fistfuls of as much fabric as I could while feeling safe up against his chest. Was this what I needed? To be held just like this and cry and cry? It felt so good. I didn’t want Ryker to ever let go of me. The soft, warm touch on my back felt amazing. 

“I-I miss her, Ryker.” I cried in between sobs. 

“I know, I know. It’s alright,” He started lightly rubbing my back, making me slightly shudder, “Do you want me to let you go?” I quickly shook my head, sniffling while tears silently fell down my face. Please don’t ever let me go. I snuggled up closer, closing my eyes. This felt right. Nothing else could make me feel better. 

“You okay?” He asked me. I nodded my head, hearing him chuckle above me. I missed both my parents. So, so much. Nothing could describe just how grateful I was that Ryker didn’t shut me out. I’ve never felt better than right now at this very moment. I don’t know what I would have done. Probably continue to starve myself until I eventually died. That was probably my initial plan, but I doubt that now that I’m with Ryker he’d just let me do that. Heck, the first thing he asks me is if I want something to eat, which I involuntarily nodded to. I felt safe when I was around him. 

Ryker moved, but never moved me. He just laid down and just let me lay down on him. I smiled to myself, closing my eyes and just letting sleep take over me. 

And it felt like the first real sleep I’ve had in ages. 

——————

Please don’t hate me, I was just in an extremely angsty mood TwT. But hey, at least we get some comfort, right? Hahaa… (Please don’t hurt me)

I’m sorry this one took so long, it’s just I wanted to add a whole bunch of wholesome scenes. It was fun and depressing to write this, but everything’s all coming together. (Please don’t mind the many errors I was too tired edit it) Only a few more chapters and it’s done! Thank you guys for sticking with me on this ride, thank you all!

[poundcakecrm]

Ichigo noticing it one random evening, when their sore bodies are still sewing themselves back together in the healing springs and the false sun of Urahara Shoten is still 'hanging' yellow and golden in the sky (just why the shopkeep decided it was necessary to install the dawn and death of each new day with the actual planetary orbit was beyond him, but hey, at least it was a mere oddity and not a threat this time).

His hands are exploring chiseled muscle that seems to never tire, and pale skin that never tans, taking advantage of the fact that he'd kicked Grimmjow's ass hard enough that the Arrancar doesn't throw him halfway across the room on the spot. Ichigo figures he has about five more minutes soaking in the springs before that happens, and so he makes dutiful use of his time. His fingers just barely graze as they move, down from the nape of the other's neck where blue hair lays plastered, and ghost over bruised shoulders before heading down his torso.

Grimmjow watches, silent, both arms propped lazily over the edge of the pools but his eyes are still as sharp as they'd been during their actual sparring match. They watch every movement with frightening focus, and Ichigo doesn't miss the way his fingers twitch every so often; but he doesn't stop him. They've seen too much and touched too much by now for that, this is skin carrying the memory of years of friendly sparring now, not just battles. But Ichigo still treads carefully, as always; just as watchful, as always.

That is how he notices it for the first time, the way blue eyes suddenly narrow to mere slits when his hands cross over the scarred tissue carving down Grimmjow's chest, so fast it was like a flash bomb had gone off. It's an entirely silent reaction, followed yet another subtle twitch of the Arrancar's hands, but even that is enough to make Ichigo pause almost instantly - because Grimmjow doesn't react, not to touch. Not to the featherlight human-level touch Ichigo uses even outside his body whenever they aren't crossing blades. He's mapped out an impressive amount of the former Espada's skin by now, with rough holds and lazy caresses, and Grimmjow bats an eye to none of it. It's the hierro, Ichigo had eventually figured out. Also spite no doubt, and battleworn experience, and stubbornness; but mostly the hierro. Ichigo was pretty sure he could smack a mace across the fucker's back and it wouldn't do anything but put the Arrancar in a sour mood.

Grimmjow never reacted because Grimmjow didn't feel touch half the time. Until now. Until blue eyes narrow so quick it can be nothing but a reaction. Ichigo doesn't comment, but he stares with fiery curiosity and Grimmjow doesn't comment, but he glares with cold warning that he'd better not.

So he doesn't. Ichigo remains silent even when his hands begin moving again, this time tracing the path from the other's neck all the way across his chest, his abdomen, down to dip of his hips. Grimmjow's hands twitch a few more times, droplets of healing water lazily dripping off onto the rocks; but the Arrancar does an impressive job of keeping absolutely still and silent until Ichigo's hands are satisfied with their discovery.

There's no hierro. Or at least, practically none, not anywhere where the skin has turned dark and rough from natural scarring. Anywhere his Getsuga Tensho or Nnoitra Gilga's zanpakuto had touched had devoured the layer of protection like acid, leaving nothing but mere flesh in its wake. It was a crack in the shield, a gaping seam in the system, and it was everywhere it was most vital. And he'd left it. "Left it" being the proper, consciously-chosen wording because it'd been long enough that Inoue actually baked Grimmjow his own set of cookies around the holidays even if the Arrancar never ate them, and had even offered to force Ishida into knitting him a stocking once. And even before, back when their interactions were far from pleasant, Grimmjow had made Inoue heal his Sexta Espada tattoo once. She could heal anything, reverse any damage. Grimmjow could have had the scar, his hierro, healed at any time over the span of years by now.

But he hadn't, and Ichigo's curious eyes just continue to ask "why" while Grimmjow's deadly glare just continues to warn "don't."

So he doesn't, not today anyway. His hands eventually draw back to him, and Yoruichi eventually speaks up from where her perverted-self is hiding amongst the rocks, and Grimmjow eventually launches himself from the springs shamelessly in the nude to gut her with his claws. Ichigo will stay sitting there in the water, shameful in the nude, and watch.

And he'll try not to wonder if his is the first real touch that's managed to slip past the Arrancar's defenses, ever since he'd slashed himself an opening all those years ago.

[littlebitsmile]

in flames [C.L.] | Chapter IV

Only one week left before off-season is finally over - don't know how you're feeling, but I'm ready to see what this years grid is bringing along (especially when the drama pre-season hit pretty hard). Let me know what you think of this chapter and if you want to be tagged in future chapters so you never miss out!

Have fun with this one, see you next week xx

story: in flames driver: Charles Leclerc [C.L.] trope: #haterstolovers summary: Always working three times as hard as everyone else, Emma does not intend to blow her chance of driving among the best of the best in her very first season in Formula 1. Concentrating on first and foremost getting ahead of her brother, she does not even notice that there are some people even in her own team who think she does not deserve this spot and would rather see her fail. And one driver in particular seems to have a need of always reminding her of that.

────ʚ C H A P T E R III ɞ────

My eyes are fixed on the screen in front of me. My hands are steady on the steering wheel, which almost feels like I'm sitting in a real car. The replica cockpit seat is a little more uncomfortable, but only because the actual sports seats are adapted to the driver's back and this one is just a makeshift one. I don't know what time it is or how long I've been driving virtual tracks in this simulator, but I'm starting to get hungry.

I usually love the days I get to spend at headquarters, but the last two weeks have been beyond strange. I don't seem to be on the same wavelength as my new team yet. Fernando has been the only buffer between us so far and hasn't provided a minute of silence.

I feel lost. Since my first days of training camp at Aston Martin, I've felt like I'm constantly having to cut myself back. It's like I've been transported back to my school days. Once or twice I've dreamed of that time - reliving exams I've completed years ago and either missed or failed.

I don't sleep well, but I'm still here every day at seven o'clock sharp in the morning to fit in a few extra training sessions in both the simulator and the gym before everyone else. Maybe I'm just not admitting to myself that it's easier if I arrive before anyone else is sitting at their desk that I need to talk to. The team seems committed, but I notice that everyone is looking at me a little skeptically. The same questions that have been floating around in the newspapers for weeks and months are open and unhindered on their faces, but I'm not actually being asked any questions.

Sometimes I miss the people from Formula 2. In every phone call with Enzo, in which he enquires about my well-being or simply wants to talk about his latest flirt, I notice how my tense shoulders slump and a laugh escapes me here and there. Then another couple of hours pass before I sneak off to the toilet on the third floor, the one that nobody ever uses because it's on the executive level, and gulp down my lunch while closing my eyes and listening to a podcast over and over again.

I tried to get along with everyone, I really did. But after they only exchanged the bare minimum of words with me in the first week, even though I was only trying to make conversation, my enthusiasm waned a little with each passing day. At some point in week two, I brought home-baked cake, which two days later stood hardened and not a bit poorer in the kitchen in the same place where I had initially placed it.

The first few tests in the simulator always ended the same way: Either with in a virtual pile of tires or so slowly that no further comment on my driving style came except an "Again." As soon as I wanted to sit down at a table in the kitchen, everyone suddenly had to get up or was at the end of their lunch break - the only one who regularly stayed seated or called me over was Fernando. But as he's already in meetings for this week's car launch, I have to endure the emotionless stares on my own.

I don't know why I can't find a rhythm. Neither in the car nor with the people around me. I wouldn't normally describe myself as shy. Especially next to Max, I'm often come across as a ray of sunshine – currently I'm feeling more like a never-ending rain cloud.

I take the last bend and step on the gas on the last straight. Then I look at my time. Faster than in the last few weeks but nowhere near Fernando's recent driving. I exhale. "The virtual setup still feels a bit strange in the right-hand bends," I say and look through the glass front to my left, behind which two colleagues are hiding who have been assigned to observation duty - probably involuntarily. All I get from both is a thumbs-up and a fake smile.

My hands find their way to the harness fasteners and free me. My legs move to stand next to the car as if of their own accord. I look towards the ceiling and blink away a few tears before making my way to my next stop. Physiotherapist here I come.

-

"I miss Enzo," I say after I unbuckle the training tower cables after the last repetition.

"I know, but Sarah's great. I promise," Leonardo replies as he massages my calves. Then again, massage would imply something pleasant - this is true hell. I let out a quick "ow" as he tries to massage a knot.

"I haven't met her yet, maybe I should change that. Do you happen to know when she's due to arrive?"

"Supposedly next week, but you can probably imagine that after her honeymoon she won't be too keen to be physically separated from her husband again." He bends my foot in every possible direction and at the same time tries to work my calf muscles from all sides down to the deepest layer.

"I hope she's more like you. There are already enough people here who don't like me."

Leonardo becomes quiet. I sense that he wants to say something but is holding back. I don't blame him. He has been working for Aston Martin for two years and always talks about how happy he was when he got the job offer. I don't blame him for sticking to his colleagues rather than me. But at least I can talk to him about how I'm feeling at the moment - and sometimes he even sheds some light on things.

The vibration of my cell phone snaps me out of my thoughts. I briefly consider just leaving it and answering it later, but suddenly messages come in every second and I can no longer hold back my curiosity. I stretch to my right and reach for my cell phone. Messages from Enzo.

Have you seen what Mr. Oh-so-perfect just posted?

Below screenshots of Charles Leclerc's Instagram Stories. I'm starting to laugh.

I thought he drives for Formula 1? Like, as a professional? Or is he scared now that Lewis will probably be the new number 1 and steal his spotlight? I quickly type back.

I think it's going to be good music. Have you watched his videos of him playing the piano? I think I fall in love with those hands every time.

Is it possible you can't get that guy from last week out of your head? When did you start stalking Mr. Annoying? Since when is Enzo that interested in the Ferrari driver? Have I missed something?

I'm not stalking. I'm observing. For you.

Thanks, but as long as he's not driving right in front of me on the track and pointing the red back end of his car in my face, I'm not really that interested in him.

Oh, come on! He's cute.

I always thought you had to have talent to be a musician. But nowadays it seems anyone can release new songs. Well, if he goes the way he's producing next season, I don't have much to worry about. I am thinking about that option for a second. A grid without Leclerc? That would be my dream.

You're impossible - you haven't even heard his songs.

No need, thanks :P

A smile creeps onto my lips.

"Is there a friend we don't know about?" Leonardo teases me. I reflexively lock the phone screen and throw my phone back into my bag.

"No, a good friend." I don't want to tell anyone that I'm still in contact with my previous race engineer. I'm still not sure who I can and can't trust here. "Leclerc has apparently released music."

Leonardo laughs. "He's probably trying to build up a second mainstay in case Lewis does become primary driver in 2025."

"You've heard about that too, haven't you? Awesome." I wonder how openly I can speak here, but then discard the idea because I've never been someone who doesn't completely overshare with anyone anyway. "I'm curious to see how his move to Ferrari will play out this season. And especially what it could mean for Fernando."

"Has he spoken to you about it?"

"With me? We've only known each other for what feels like two minutes, I hardly think he's going to reveal his plans to me. But to be honest, I would totally get it. I don't think Mercedes is as bad as everyone thinks."

A moment of silence. Leonardo takes a deep breath, and I almost don't notice that he starts to speak.

I continue bluntly: "On the other hand, where is Carlos going? I think it's a shame for him. So much work, so much ambition, he was the only one who could at least halfway hold a candle to my brother. But maybe Mercedes is going in a completely new direction? So many questions all buzzing around in my head and somehow I can't talk to anyone about it, so I'm sorry if I'm making you feel too tired."

"Why do you feel that way? That you can't talk to anyone, I mean."

"Difficult subject. But it's been on my mind for a while. Both the Lewis to Ferrari issue and the fact that I'm always being ignored here."

"Emma, can I ask you an honest question?" Leonardo stops massaging my thighs and I sit up. He's looked so tense since our session started - maybe I should suggest he books a massage with his physiotherapist.

"Are you planning to go to Mercedes?"

Silence. I know for a fact that my expression is slipping, and a furrow is forming between my eyebrows. My eyebrows rise as if of their own accord and a neutral "What?" slips past my lips.

"If Toto Wolff called you tomorrow and asked if you would consider driving for Mercedes next year - would you...would you at least think about it?" Now Leonardo looks me in the eye with a serious expression. I shake my head and laugh.

"As if they would ask me."

"Would you?" he asks again with emphasis.

"I guess that's what it comes down to. If my team doesn't want me here, and, no offense, that's the impression I'm getting right now, why wouldn't I move to a structure where they obviously want me?" I haven't thought about the question that much myself - simply because the announcement of Lewis Hamilton's move to Ferrari only became public a week ago and caused quite a stir. I can well imagine that there are some drivers who are keen on the Mercedes seat.

Leonardo thinks about his next words, I can see it on his face. "My question is whether this is simply a stepping stone for you."

My heart stops with this question. I shake my head vigorously. "Oh my God, no, never. I was... I was so happy when it was decided that I could be part of your team. I can learn so much from Fernando and I think it will be good for me to move outside my comfort zone. My previous team was with me for some time, so a breath of fresh air is never a bad thing. At least I think so. If I had hoped for a better deal...", I raise both my hands and bend my index and middle fingers to make quotation marks, "...I would only have had to wait another year. Red Bull kept ringing my doorbell, but I didn't want to be associated with Max all the time. That's why I'm here."

Leonardo exhales, visibly relieved. "Try to be patient with the others. Everyone's been a bit tense since Lewis' transfer was announced, especially with Fernando. Now, everyone is trying to assess you. Whether you take after your father or Max or..."

"...or whether I have my own quirks? I promise, I have them." Suddenly it all makes sense. If the team can't be sure if I'll even be here when they're building the car for next year, then it's only logical not to invest 100% of their energy in something that's already got one foot out the door.

I turn to him and hold out my wrists. He reaches behind him and then presses two tennis balls into my hand - coordination training. I exhale in annoyance.

"If you just be yourself during pre-season testing, everyone will realize that you're an asset to us. I promise." I smile. Then I think of the heat in Bahrain, the left and right turns and the feeling of sitting in our new car for the first time. The sizzling feeling in the air. The smiles, the people, the anticipation. That really weird feeling in my fingers, my breath patterns and my heartbeat, when the first few laps start to feel less overwhelming. This thought puts a smile on my face for the rest of the week that not even the lunch breaks in the women's toilet can wipe away.

────ʚ [Masterlist] [Chapter III] [Chapter V (in progress)] ɞ────

Tags: @cmleitora

[dumbblondesposts]

Klaroline is centered entirely around Tyler

I feel like a lot the people who hate klaroline (as they should) really don't understand the foundation of the ship which is why it's labeled as something that doesn't make sense/random, and the reason for that is the Tyler of it all.

Like of course when delusional shippers or anyone really think Klaus was actually in love with Caroline or even liked her in the first place at least initially it's easy then to label it at something that doesn't narratively make sense because it's not explained why he took interest in her , but the thing is the writers knew that which is why we have only like two to three semi subtle cues explaining the basis of the ship but it's unfortunately buried under a tons of fan service especially within the huge fan base

So basically klaroline's first interaction that sparked that cursed ship is 3x11, it's right after Tyler is first seen standing up to Klaus and showing clear rebellion against Klaus enslaving him that he first orders him the bite his girlfriend before showing up at her house etc, all that he knows about her is that she's a random "pretty" teenager which is why he's for no reason on a mission to woo her with all sorts of gifts, since basically he doesn't know shit About her, he's never shown to be physically attracted to her despite seeing her around before and only gave two fucks about her when he wanted to put Tyler in his place, then you have him almost murder her again in season 4 to "teach Tyler a lesson the hard way" and these are his words, like my guy was willing to kill her if it meant humbling Tyler💀 he Brags about how he hurt Tyler to Elijah by "sleeping with his girl", he tells Caroline he couldn't stop thinking about her but the moment they finally fuck he dips lmao??

Even throughout the whole thing Klaus is like "Tyler isn't enough for you, you want to see the world instead bla bla" because he doesn't know her or even actually cared to know her beyond what he sought from her which is literally just to put Tyler in his place and he thrived on the chase, the fact that he failed to get the teenage girl to give in , he was willing to murder her to get back at Tyler, he attempted to sexually assault her and left happy after he finally slept with her

But of course the shippers see the hot villain gift horse paintings to this random ass teenager and they go "he's so in love with her😍"

This whole rant is basically because I'm tired of Klaus's feelings for Caroline being painted as "love" among both fans and antis , I get that he at best might have developed more of a soft spot for her but that was all it was tbh , they have no moments showing actual love/no moments of Klaus taking the time of day to consider her feelings nor does he go out of his way to do anything for her, Caroline was simply a prize to be won out of his grievances with her boyfriend, if Tyler was dating any other pretty girl Klaus would've went for her for the simple fact she's Tyler's gf and he felt the need to humble him

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 195 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: mowing the lawn.

I heard this episode (and MAG 198) have been perceived as fillers. But while it feels like the final stretch  has already begun 3 episodes or so ago, there's still 5 episodes left and there have been episodes after cliff hangers, which had nothing to do with the cliff hanger before. Especially in S3 when we bounced back and forth between Jon and the Archives. But I understand that this can feel tedious when you already had to wait an entire week for the new episode and then it’s not resolving anything yet.

[EXTENDED SOUNDS OF TIRED ROWING] Lol...

JON: "The one time I’m on my own, and it’s a domain where –" What? Where your boyfriend could finally show off his rowing arms?

I have a friend who has serious thalassophobia. Needless to say, she did not enjoy this statement xD Especially when the leviathan thing showed up, before that she thought she could stomach it pretty well. I think I have already spoken about her in my a mag a day posts, she sends me spider stuff and I send her thalassophobia stuff, perfectly balanced.

"An icy, liquid chill that surrounds you, embraces you, pierces every inch of your naked gooseflesh skin with its needling touch, and gets inside your bones" I know, after 195 episodes this is a bit late to point out, but anyone else got the feeling Jonny likes the word "bones"?

"You can feel its titanic bulk moving past, just below you. Or perhaps above. It almost brushes against you and, despite the pressure of the water all around you, you cannot fight the frantic instinct to run." I find the idea of huge monsters in the water particularly fascinating! I always had a soft spot for creature features!

"There is nothing else. No boat to save you, no land to make your escape, not even another lost soul who shares your torments." I do think the idea of being lost in open water is horrifying. But I don't live near the sea, I don't go on boat rides in waters so vast that there are stretches where I can't see land no matter which direction I turn. So it's something I'm not particularly worried about. (I do like kayaking on lakes though^^)

"You choke it down, and slip once again below the surface. Into the concealing darkness of the freezing waters below, and you leave behind the nothing that waits above." TW Suicide .......I don't know if I already mentioned this in one of my earlier a mag a day posts, but I know people who worked on a submarine or on boats (divers cleaning the underside). The actual recommendation when getting lost in the water is to dive down and take a big breath, basically killing yourself. That is super scary...

JON: "Well, not quite nothing. Not for me." Awww!

BASIRA: "Thanks." JON: "Oh, uh, you’re welcome?" BASIRA: "What?" JON: "No-Nothing. I-I just… I was worried you might be upset if I interrupted your whole ‘solo reflection’ thing." BASIRA: "It’s fine. I mean, I would have at first but… honestly? There are a bunch more hells between me and London than I thought." [JON KINDA CHUCKLES] BASIRA: "I’ve been hoping for a friendly face for a while now." Oh, how the turns have tabled! Seriously though, it does make sense that Basira underwent some changes. She had quite some time alone to process.

JON: "Annabelle Cane has Martin." BASIRA: "Shit." I love how everybody immediately gets that this is serious for Jon.

BASIRA: "Can you, y’know, ‘see’ him?" JON: "No. A-Annabelle has a – Sh-She can block The Eye. There’s a, a camera. It’s an artefact that was protecting Salesa’s – Right. So, um, shortly after we left you we found –" BASIRA: "Magic camera that keeps them hidden. Got it." Ahhhhaha, I do this as well. I go above and beyond when trying to summarize stuff. I can't help it, I think certain details can’t be left out to understand the subject unmistakably. And then there are people who can just put it together in one sentence xD

BASIRA: "So I’m guessing it represents academic isolation or something? Maybe something to do with ‘the dangerous unknown’, skimming to the surface, that kind of thing?" JON: [Weary] "Maybe it just represents the feeling of sore arms." Lol, Basira theorizing about the domains like we do. And there's Jon, who's just tired of it all and especially tired from rowing xD Kind of reminds me of art school. When someone went immensely into detail why the color blue was chosen and what it represents and what is the deeper meaning of it etc. And then someone comes along and is just "Maybe the artist just likes blue?" xD

JON: "I’d be more than happy to let you take over, if you’d like?" BASIRA: "No, I wouldn’t want to cramp your style." JON: "At this point, that’s just about the only part of me that isn’t cramping." BASIRA: "Alright, give ‘em here." God I love humor like this! Basira probably gets them in no time across the lake now, having been with the police and defending the Archives probably makes her a lot more fit than cellar dweller Jon with his stick figure arms.

JON: "Well, hopefully this one will go a bit better." BASIRA: "Would be hard for it to go worse." OMG, can people pls stop jinxing it, you're fictional characters, you can't say that! xD

BASIRA: "So does this mean there are others?" JON: "What do you mean?" BASIRA: "Like, they can’t be the only ones like that, right? Maybe there are other people out there, naturally immune, wandering around or hunkered down?" JON: "Uh, maybe. I mean, probably. But, y’know, well, I can’t see them, can I?" I know there are people who think the gang should have waited longer with their decision. Looking for other artefacts, other people who are immune. Trying to find a solution circling around their existence. So, basically this was the only time this got mentioned, right? I don't think it comes up in MAG 198 anymore. So it's dismissed as "I can't find them anyway and if they want to stay hidden, they most likely will."

BASIRA: "Honestly, it’s kind of a relief. How did Melanie take it?" JON: "Melanie?" BASIRA: "Yeah. She and… She and Helen were pretty tight back when, uh…" Of course Helen latched onto Melanie, subtly nudging her more and more towards the Slaughter.

BASIRA: “So anyway, run this by me again, they’re like a proper cult, cult?” JON: "Ish. They all seemed fairly normal given the circumstances. Bit of a let-down in some ways." Excuse me Jon, you have heard Arun's poem! They are hope and good and holy and hope!

BASIRA: "Must have been funny though –" [STATIC CRACKLE AS THEY PASS THROUGH AN UNSEEN DIVIDER] [FOOTSTEPS ARE NOW ON PAVED GROUND AND BIRDS ARE TWEETING IN OXFORD] BASIRA: "Huh. Hang on, is that – ? That’s the real sun isn’t it?" Actually I just realized... If the sun can be seen from Earth, than this whole affair probably isn't stretching far into space. If there's a moon visible at night it doesn't even reach that far! Because I don't think the effect of the camera stretches upwards infinitely like a Eye-repellent column (or downwards for that matter or is the world actually flat now?). A spherical area of effect would make a lot more sense. It feels a bit weird considering the whole thing about altering the fabric of reality and such, but stopping beyond the stratosphere. (Like Weirdmageddon only affected Gravity Falls! Was there ever an explanation for this? I can’t remember...)

The episode ending on "Mr. Spider wants more" sure is something! Jon will finally knock on the Spider's door. And this time he even does it willingly! More or less.

@a-mag-a-day

[devisrina]

(I have no idea if you've answered this b4) Who's ur fav? Benvi, Bela-Eric, or Danny/Mindy (Ryan/Kelly is not an option)?

Hello Anon! I actually have not answered this before. So I might have to describe each ship, so I can give you the gist of which is my favourite.

To be straightforward- My favourite is Bela Malhotra and Eric Miller.

And Because I love talking about these ships, I'm going to give you the rundown of how I view each ship and if I like them or not.

(SIDE NOTE: This is going to become a long post.)

Danny and Mindy - THEY ARE AN ABSOLUTE NO FOR ME. I have never liked them one bit. He was alright in season 1, and I did sort of see the potential. But if I'm being honest, I preferred Josh, Casey, Sam, and even Brendan Delaurier over that misogynistic dickhead.

And in season 2 of TMP, I preferred Cliff Gilbert Over any other love interest she had in that show. He was smart, sweet, and had nice banter with her. He genuinely had an interest in her. And it pissed me off so much how they ruined his character to make DANNY of all people seem to like her better match.

And believe it or not, it got worse. DANNY LITERALLY SA'd her in season 3 episode 4. And this issue got 'resolved' by him explaining to her that he was insecure about his experience and wanted to try it out. LIKE BITCH DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE, WITH words? He literally made her feel bad for something that he did when he violated her.

Ben and Devi - They are pretty neutral to me. I don't actually dislike them, nor do I love them. If you asked me in season 1 if I was either Team Ben or Team Paxton, I would've 100% said, Team Ben.

But now, I kind of just think that they kept fucking with their storyline. I got tired of the fact that we didn't even really see them date and how they would be in a relationship. I genuinely don't think that they would be toxic, they were really cute in season 4. But another thing that annoyed me quite a lot was the lack of communication, and the fact that Eleanor and Fabiola kind of push her away from ever really expressing to Ben how much she likes him. Like, Ben wants Devi to be open about her feelings, it really doesn't matter if she comes off looking uncool or not.

Also, I kind of liked how realistic Ben was in season 1 in comparison to how he is in the other seasons. In season 1, he was kind of like a mixture of himself and Ethan in the way he would respond to Devi. Like the way, he was just kind of chill and more grounded. they just made him super cocky in seasons 2 and 3 and then tried to give him growth beyond that. It was clear he kind of held a bit of resentment towards her after she broke his heart. I just wish that they quit trying to hit the replay button with them. They could've had more scenes together.

Bela and Eric - They are my favourites! They are the vibes, and like Quinn from Kappa says, "We have to preserve the vibes."

And I love to proclaim myself as one of the people who defended Eric even before season 2. I just thought he was capable of growing and changing. And I love how chill and unfazed he is by Bela, he sort of just accepts her for who she is. I love it so fucking much. It's not cringe, and it's very natural in comparison to Ben and Devi. I just see Bela and Eric as their ages and the writing team does a good job of connecting them to college life.

Because with Devi, you can kind of see when 'Mindy Kaling Dialogue' is set for her. And I wince every time I have to hear something along the lines of that. But with Bela, because the actress who plays her has this charisma where she doesn't really care what other people say, it just works. I know, Bela is insecure when it comes to how people view her, whether it is with her comedy writing, boys, making friends etc. The actress doesn't get enough credit for her variety and range.

Just to disclose, I am a Bela supporter. I think the fandom is too rude towards her, the fact that some of them even compare her to Ryan is truly gross to me. I don't like that she cheated on Eric, but it also kind of bothers me to see how many people were quick to dislike her. Especially since everything Eric says kind of gets swept under the rug the minute Bela does something shitty. And let's be honest, people love the 360 development of the 'asshole who is not so much of an asshole' and it happened with Eric. He literally heard her tell him that she was being ordered around by the comedian, and he just swivels in and takes the opportunity. Bela is not Innocent, what she did was horrible, and while the thing he did was not as wrong, it was still a shitty move. I've seen people dislike Bela since season 1, people will just jump at the chance to dislike her. And she got assaulted last season, and people overlook that because the narrative doesn't lead us into it. Like yes, the show is kind of shit when it comes to following up on major plot points, like with Whitney literally being Gr**med. But that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It clearly affected her.

And people like to use the handjobs as a reflection of Bela always being sex-crazed. No, it just REINFORCES that she was broken even before college. She had all of this cultural pressure on her, she never had many friends, and she was nerdy and uncool. She had such a bad and negative view of herself before, so she's sadly just giving into any attention she might get even if it's bad.

And I think Eric would've been a good influence on her if they made a better choice in the way they wrote them. He warmed up to her in ep 10, he kind of just looked annoyed with her in Episode 1 of Season 2. There wasn't even any room left for subtext. After he gave her advice, and she left, he could've been seen looking at her walking away before he slowly closed the door. It could've been a parallel moment to the caution tape scene in the quad.

And the reason I loved Bela and Eric so much is that he was essentially who she would've been if she was more security with herself. Like, notice how she likes his glasses and his nerdy comedy vibe. He is the version that connects her to her old self where she was nerdy and loved comedy. Of course, she still loves comedy, but she tried to feed into that cool girl vibe. And that shows a lot about how she is with Priya. She is so insecure when she sees Priya's glow up and her jealousy of seeing how quick she got along with everyone kind of hurt her. It is wrong that she was projecting onto her, and it's not okay to be rude to people because they look nicer.

I think the most infuriating thing Bela did for me was when she was with Jorjia and ruined everything with the foxy. Evangeline and Jo were really on her side and it makes me sad that she self-sabotaged.

I do believe that Bela and Eric could get back together. But I think they need to develop a better connection as friends. Without the benefits lol.

I'm thinking that maybe they could have an encounter where they both have the same internship. At this point in time, Bela might be at another school if she did follow through with the transfer. Or she could still be in Essex, but they just don't talk to each other. Eric is mad at first and Bela doesn't blame him. Maybe there is a point where she helps him gain more exposure, and he kind of sees this as a silver lining. Like maybe she has changed. During this, Eric decides to let her in more and they have a nice friendship. He might try dating someone else for a bit, and Bela helps him navigate it because she doesn't want to be jealous or rude. I want her to go through therapy during this, so she can self-reflect. I think at some point Bela and Eric could have a moment where they almost kiss or gaze intently into each other's eyes. They kind of just brush it off, and Bela thinks everything is okay and it was a heat of the moment, thinking he didn't feel anything. But Eric wanted to kiss her. He might quit dating the girl afterwards because he realised he still has feelings for Bela. And because he's Eric, he kind of doesn't know how to deal with this, so he kind of pushes Bela away anytime they are at the internship and Bela asks him if he was okay.

And there could be a point where he almost sabotages the internship for himself and he bursts out the door. Bela could follow him out. Then she'd be like. "I have tried so hard to get on your good side. What else do you want?" It's kind of like a parallel to the summer theta party where Eric asks her what she wants.

Then he's feeling a mixture of conflict, anger, and everything above. But he knows he can't blame her. "I-I'm just mad."

And she shouts. "Why?!"

Then he's like. "Because you made end things with ____"

And she's all confused. "Why is that my fault?"

And then there is a moment of silence and the tension is thick. And she's like. "Well?"

And then he's like. "God damn it Bela-" and then he leans forward and they both know what is about to happen next when he kisses her.

It's all passionate, and then he releases for a second when they have to breathe, and they're all wide-eyed and their lips are swollen. And he says "Because she wasn't you."

And then following it, they slowly take their relationship slow. They talk to each other about their feelings, and they become an official couple this time.

So yeah, I didn't expect this to be such a long post. But yeah, thanks for the question!

[satocidal]

Leaving down a small something for you bcs this basically says a lot about the dynamic better Suguru and Kushi, lol

NSFW under. Pretty snarky thoughts too (Kushi's mind is really mean. And not just towards herself. She's trying her best)

Panting against his skin, back bent down, face hidden at his chest, hips stuttering and yet, still going, still forcing herself to move, even as her legs tremble, even as it becomes slower and slower as her body is racked by the building orgasm, every limb in her body moving wrong, muscles twitching, fingers trembling as she claws against his shoulders, his arms.

She has refused to let out more than heavy trembling breaths, pissed and full of need.

Suguru was one annoying motherfucker sometimes. Shit, she could feel the pulsing of his veins, every ridge, could feel how hard he is, could feel him dragging along her walls.

The way they clamp tightly around him should make him falter. It should have him relenting, it usually does. Yet, now he seems keen on not helping her, even as whines finally leave her lips, even as she grinds against his pelvis desperately, too close to the edge.

It's been a long two weeks. Two weeks during which they had missions back to back and barely any time with each other before something else came up. Two weeks during which they both have been busy and honestly she's been too tired to even stand on her feet for most part of those days.

Yet, he always finds a way to remind her of his sweet touch. To say he's been teasing and making anticipation settle in for two fuckin cursed weeks had got the redhead wanting to strangle his dick was understandable.

Usually, she would give the same back. Would tease, would find a way to pay him right back for his shit. But now, she was beyond frustrated and he wasn't making it any better.

It pisses her off. Her temper is already even shorter than usually. Suguru keeping her right on the edge for the third time instead of bucking up into her or wrapping his calloused fingers around her hips and forcing her to continue moving was not making it any better.

And being so frustrated and angry makes one say things they don't mean many times. It was one of the things she struggled with the most, in all honesty, holding back hurtful words she will totally regret later.

So, instead of letting such words out, now she hissed and dug her nails into his shoulders meanly as her body shook again to no avail, edge slowly succumbing into burning again and even more frustration.

"Fuck you, Suguru" she grit out between clenched teeth, and while it was heated and every bit of murderous, it was better than whatever was on the tip of her tongue just a few seconds ago. "Goddamn it, move" Kushina huffed, red curls all over her shoulders and face, lightly moving with the puffs of her breath and the heavy moves of her chest.

It was truly unfair of him. He was starting to piss her off. And while a few of the many bites she left on his body in retaliation for annoying her and teasing her for two weeks had barely remained, she was tempted to bite him again.

Not like he minded. He never did.

The dangerous thought of threatening to go 'Find someone who would actually fuck me properly' lingered in her mind, petty and totally inappropriate, and she was struggling to bury it down instead of letting it out.

She won't, but it didn't mean the words won't hurt. But with how frustrated she was, if he pushed her a bit more, she might genuinely snap and voice them.

Worse? She wasn't even sure why he was doing it. While he probably had something in his mind, he had not cared to share, if one is to ask her. But Suguru was like that. He'd voice something out, would talk a bit, and remain fixated to prove his point even when he seemed to let it go.

She did not have the patience of searching through so many hazy memories in such a moment. So she harshly sucked at a patch of skin on his collarbones, a hiss on the tip of her tongue.

~🦊

*speechless*

Akdhaksbsks

I- sweets I- 👀

No because I resonate so hard with your oc istg it hurts

I don't even know what to say here but this is so hot - and like youve written it so nice, the sheer frustration and all.

But like what if she did say it, that shed find someone better? Because feral geto>>>>

[darkplaceblankface]

I’m talking in an echo chamber circlejerk here of “yuck men” (and I’m usually all for that) but I’ll bite.

I didn’t miss shit. The reason I started writing my WIP was because I was frustrated with the way women are portrayed in media and how violence against women is so normalized in mainstream everything.

Men so often don’t have the emotional intelligence to put themselves in a woman’s shoes. They’re never watching their words for fear of a woman assaulting them. Men aren’t investing in keychains with purple pepper spray, kitty themed brass knuckles and a cute little pouf to offset the look.

So I wanted to make something that could get through the thickest of skulls. It does.

In the lighter regard, I make the written version of putting other Avengers in Black Widow’s sexualised poses or that clip of Batman edited to do Catwoman’s mannerisms and slinky walk. Comically off putting.

In a darker sense, I always liked Bloodchild, Harrison Bergeron, and Unwind. Do you know why? The themes of bodily autonomy. The loss of control over decisions about your own flesh. A portrayal of the helplessness I often feel as my rights are stripped from me piece by piece. However, in those stories, for once, the men are the ones in distress too.

Men don’t always “get it.” So I wanted to explain in a way they could understand. It’s funny with reverse “locker room” talk all the way to some cosmic horror. I’d say I did a splendid job… from the amount of very male, very angry (but obviously deep down frightened and disturbed) comments I got last year in a writing challenge.

I flip everything on its head for the women in my writing as well. Some of them are extremely violent, cruel, and allowed to be evil for the sake of being evil. Women are so often reduced to being the “scorned woman” hurt by the man. I lead on with a semblance of that and then pull the rug out revealing that we’re always more complex than that.

the old master is a mother who used to be housewife and gets to take power in a way she believes she was always entitled to. She gets to trap her chauvinistic husband like he did her. She’s a master of her craft but she’s also a monster.

the combat hedonist is a literal red headed stepchild who gets to let out every bit of her Id.

I’ve got all the other reversed aforementioned tropes too because that’s literally what the story is about. “wEll iF the rOles weRe reVersEd?!?” is the key driving force.

It’s not that there are too many boys. It’s that there are too many poorly written boys, and one dimensional women. We can talk and yap all we like about what we want to see, but I challenge you to actually do something about it instead of complaining or coming at other people for having fun with an idea.

If you’re tired of something, make something fresh and different. I did, even if it’s just for me, for two people, or 200. I’m a new writer but I wanted to make something I had never seen before, something original. My point, which is the one YOU missed, is that you don’t have to put yourself in the Bechdel box, just try to be actually creative instead of critical.

TL; DR…It’s not that serious. The only point I missed is forgetting that people sometimes lack the ability to think beyond their own fixed interpretation of something. If you look outside of your narrow perspective on a simple and fun question, you might be able to write something pretty good, @eviefrie

there basically isn't a single established action archetype that you can't improve tenfold by making it a girl

[writerlyhabits]

Red Henley

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: Bucky spending the night becomes a regular occurrence, but what does that look like in your every day life? What does it mean for a rough day of work cutting into other plans? 

Ch 11 of the Neighbors Series | Masterlist | Ch. 10 | Ch. 12

Warnings: mild language, sexual themes (they’re horny), lots of pet names both new and old, maybe a teeny tiny hint of angst? It’s mostly fluff

AN: a normal-sized chapter, how cute 😂 This is actually double the size I originally planned it to be, but I can’t find myself being mad about it, there’s some good development here if you know what I mean 😉 I’m already mentally writing the beginning of the next chapter I’m so freaking excited you guys, you have no idea. Thank you as always to @deceiverofgodss for suffering through this with me, and I hope you enjoy! 💛

Gif from @unearthlydust

Soft lips on your cheek…

That was the first thing you felt, gentle kisses being scattered across your face as the morning sun filtered in to light the room beyond your eyelids. You hummed groggily, the effects of sleep slowly fading as you were brought to life, feeling the warmth that came with being cradled in a certain someone’s very muscular arms. 

“Good morning,” Bucky whispered, sounding much more awake than you did, as usual. You only groaned in response, earning a chuckle. “I know, sugar, but you gotta get up for work. I let you sleep as long as I could.” 

“Are you taking on the role of my personal alarm clock?” You teased, your voice still tired as you shifted and stretched in the bed. 

“I figured I was preferable to the annoying sound of the alarm you’re gonna snooze anyway,” you smiled as he kissed you, soft and slow. 

This had been your morning routine for the past few days, and honestly? It was divine. There was no place you’d rather be, his hands cupping your jaw to move you as he pleased – kissing your smiling face with an expression that matched – and his unnecessarily large biceps acting like a shield from anything outside of your little corner of the world. 

“C’mon, let me see those pretty eyes.” If you weren’t lying in bed your knees would have buckled. Begrudgingly, you peeked one eye open to find him glowing in the early morning light, his sparkling blues watching you reverently. “There’s my girl. All the way open or I’m gonna push you outta bed.” 

There was your troublemaker. 

“You wouldn’t.” You felt his weight lift off of you, and leave the mattress. You shot your eyes open, knowing he’d make good on his promise – or at least get really close – and found him on his knees beside you. “No don’t, I’m awake, James,” you pleaded, scrambling to get up, desperately trying to find a purchase on his large frame. 

“Would you look at that, she lives,” he chuckled as you clung onto him, the deep sound rumbling through his chest. Large hands found your body and pressed you impossibly closer to him, cradling your head into the crook of his neck. You felt the vibrations of his amused hum when you started placing sleepy kisses on his neck. 

Bucky’s hands drifted down your backside, brushing over your ass as he gripped your legs, locking them around his hips as he shuffled backwards off of the bed. He carried you through your apartment until your feet hit the tile floor of your bathroom where he cupped your cheeks, kissed your eyelids, and left you to get ready. You smiled, opening your eyes to watch him give you a playful grin before disappearing into the rest of the apartment. 

Your reflection in the mirror reminded you of what had happened the other night, feeling your cheeks heat up when the only slightly faded hickey sat  proudly on your chest, the neck of your loose sleep shirt doing nothing to conceal it. At the very least, you weren’t forced to wear obvious scarves and turtlenecks or copious amounts of makeup like a teenager, but it was in just the right spot that you still had to be careful with your wardrobe. One wrong slip, or pull of a necklace, and it could be out there for the world to see. 

To his credit, he’d been thoughtful in his placement. And in his favor, you were practically giddy every time you had to “hide” it. 

Bucky was a man of routine. He’d said once that if there hadn’t been a war going on, he might have enjoyed being in the army a bit more for that reason. And while your morning routines had been occurring in the same space for the last few days, you still were never mentally prepared for what was waiting for you in the living room when you were dressed and ready. 

“Can I make you somethin, sugar?” Bucky asked sweetly, no sign of struggle in his voice as he pumped out a ridiculous amount of push ups just from the time it took you to step into the room. 

Good god it was doing wonders for his back. He opted not to put a shirt on – it hadn’t taken long for him to sleep that way as well – showing off his rippling muscles and his broad shoulders. Every so often the stretch of skin where black vibranium met his shoulder blade would disappear behind the ridges of his back. It was making your head spin, and something else clench around nothing. 

“You still with me?” He chuckled, and you realized you hadn’t responded. Luckily he hadn’t looked up at you from his position to see more than your feet stopped in front of him, else he would have caught you gawking at his bulging biceps. 

“Hm? Oh I- no, ‘m fine,” you managed, screwing your head back on and turning to make yourself something quick before work. Something that would require very little focus, because right now you had none to spare.  

Bucky’s morning workouts had been both a blessing and a curse. It was wonderful getting to start your day with that view, and you wanted to appreciate the art form that was his body. At the same time, your mind wandered to dangerous places, which had a tendency to make for a slightly uncomfortable drive to work and no chance at doing anything about it.

You popped bread into the toaster before grabbing your bag and making sure you had everything you needed. Phone, wallet, keys, inappropriate thoughts about Bucky Barnes… check. 

“Hey, I was thinking… your birthday is coming up next week,” you started, not looking at him as you found something else to fiddle with in the kitchen. “Did you want to do anything?”

“How’d you know that?” he asked with a grunt that you willed yourself to ignore. 

“It’s on a wall next to your face at the museum.” 

“Ah.” With another grunt and a thump, you peeked around the counter to see him sprawled out on the floor, tilting his head back to look at you upside down. He gave you a noncommittal sound and a shrug in response to your question, and you rolled your eyes as you walked up to him. 

“Nothing? C’mon, we could do whatever you want. Go downtown and do something fun, maybe a nice dinner, or something you used to do with your family? I could get your favorite kind of cake, put all one hundred and six candles on it,” you teased with a playful expression. 

He chuckled as you kneeled beside his spot on the floor. “Please don’t, you’ll burn your apartment down. I kinda like it here.” You hummed in amusement, and when you kept waiting for an answer he released a breath, looking up at the ceiling as he fiddled with his dog tags. 

“My ma used to make this chocolate cake that had weird stuff in it, with milk and eggs being so expensive. Other than that…” He shrugged again, and you were ready to try and tease him for not giving you a full answer, but you saw a flicker of something cross his face and let him continue. “But I always did something with my sister. Take her to the movies or drive out to get lunch somewhere new. Even when she went away for school, she always made a point to write or send a care package.” 

While Bucky reminisced, you were starting to form a plan of your own. You knew Bucky well enough by now, he wasn’t going to ask to do anything on his own; he always put in more effort than he ever expected in return. He would give you ideas, shrug it off, and leave it up to you. 

“I see you thinking,” he said after a few moments, smirking up at you. “Don’t go doing anything crazy, I’m more than happy just to stay here with you.” He brought a hand up to cup your cheek as you rolled your eyes at him, brushing his thumb across it softly. 

“Well, you’re getting the chocolate cake,” you said with determination, earning you a chuckle.

“Whatever you want, sugar. As long as I get to do this.” Bucky sat up and reached around your middle, rolling the both of you over so he was pinning you down on the floor in all his half naked glory. Boyish grin on his handsome face, glistening abs that led your eyes down to the band of his grey sweatpants…

Oh.

Before you had any time to process how hot your cheeks were, his lips were on yours. Slow and languid, the way he knew would make your brain go fuzzy. His tongue teased your lips, and your brain couldn’t decide whether it wanted to focus on the way he was kissing you, or the weight you could feel pressing into your thigh. His touch was featherlight as he caressed your sides, and you instinctively carded your hands through his hair as you leaned into the kiss, resting them around his neck. 

Not even a few moments later, he attacked. 

Strong hands and vibranium fingers dug into your ticklish spots, and you convulsed underneath him, trying to get out of his grasp. Your face hurt with the force of your smile, his deep laughter mixing in with yours as he gave you no mercy, caging you in place so you couldn’t escape. 

“Buck- James please, I can’t-” you tried, pushing at his hands in a desperate attempt for a breath. When he finally let up, his arms slinked around your waist and he buried his face into your neck. 

“Mmm, is this where you put that new perfume?” he hummed, scattering kisses there before you could answer, his amused breath causing you to flinch away from him. “It smells good. Just as sweet as you,” he continued, punctuating his words with kisses across your cheeks. 

You were vaguely aware of the sound of the toaster popping in the background, but the supersoldier on top of you paid no mind to it. “Bucky, let me up,” you managed through a giggle. “I- that’s my-”

“Sorry excuse for a breakfast, I know,” he groaned. He attached his lips to yours one more time – sneaky bastard poured himself into this one, and it took you longer than it should have to make a noise in rebuttal. Reluctantly, he got off of you, standing up and offering his hand to pull you up. 

His hands may have left you, but his eyes didn’t. 

“How about we do somethin’ tonight?” he asked as you were finishing up your slice of toast and gathering your belongings. His voice was deep, smooth, and when you turned to look at him his expression matched. Eyebrow cocked, and signature grin on his face as he leaned against the counter, one hand on his hip. 

Could he not be that hot for two damn minutes?

“You can’t decide on something to do for your birthday, but you want to make special plans for tonight,” you teased. 

“C’mon, I’m serious, let me do something for you. We could go out, get dressed up all fancy,” he drawled, and it was embarrassing how quickly he made a mess of you. 

“Like we do every Saturday?” 

“No, I mean like… a classy dinner, nice slacks and a button down,” he started, his tongue darting out to lick his pretty pink lips. He pushed off of the counter and made his way over to where you were rooted to the spot, standing tall right in front of you and brushing the tips of his fingers up your sides. “Maybe a little black dress with those red shoes you like so much… How’s that sound, baby?” 

It was too early in the morning for thoughts like these. And his tone mixed with his lack of clothing was not helping your situation. 

“I- yeah that sounds, hm, that sounds good,” you managed through a shiver. 

“Good,” Bucky smirked, hooking a finger under your jaw and pulling your face close to his. This time his kiss was hungry, but it was quick, taking his chance when your lips parted to push into you. As soon as you let out a whimper he eased off, and you felt him smile against you. Your eyes fluttered open when he parted, his baby blues darkened by his pupils. “I’ll see you tonight.” 

He slipped away from you, winking as he turned around and walked – strutted – back into your bedroom. Your body told you to follow him, your watch told you otherwise. You cursed under your breath and grabbed your bag, beginning the uncomfortable journey to work with a puddle in your lower region. 

…

He was excited for tonight. Very excited. Was there a plan? Maybe not. But if the best he could pull together was a candle lit home cooked dinner and romantic atmosphere, that’s what he was going to do. 

After spending the past few nights sleeping in the same bed as you, cuddled up under the covers with you tucked under his arm, Bucky could only tame the desires creeping up on him for so long. He loved being your man, every up and down that came with it, he was completely and absolutely smitten. He loved all of your soft sleepy smiles when you first wake up, the way your hands felt gliding over his body, how your eyes sparkled when you looked at him. 

He might be a super soldier but he was still human, with instinctive human desires. The first time he’d spent the night, he’d gotten a glimpse of what it would be like if he let himself push farther, at least before you two had been interrupted. He wanted to feel your hands roaming his body for purchase again, feel your hungry mouth on his, and have you whimpering his name as he settled between your thighs. 

He wanted you bad. If he was being honest with himself, it had been a long time coming. But he didn't use to struggle as much keeping those thoughts at bay, reminding himself to wait it out, to make sure it was what you both really wanted. Though now he didn’t have any reason to doubt you wanted him just as much, especially after how easy it was to fluster you this morning, and his resolve was cracking. 

Dinner would be good. If he could pull it off. He doubted he could get a reservation anywhere really nice, and if he could, it was a gamble whether or not he could actually afford it. He got enough from the government to get by, maybe do a little bit extra, but he was by no means well-off. Did he risk taking you to the roof and hope nobody else had the same idea? Or did he just play it safe in your living room, aided by dim lighting and slow music? Whatever the plan was, he would need flowers, so that’s where he would start. 

That’s where he was a few hours after you’d left for work when his phone rang, stepping away from the bouquets he was perusing when your name came up on the screen, and answering as he stepped out of the shop near your apartment building. 

“Hey sweetheart, how’s it going?” He asked, a warm smile on his face as he greeted you. 

“It’s… it’s okay.” He picked up on your tone immediately. Something wasn’t right. 

“What’s going on? What happened?”

“How do you do that?” You tried to laugh, but it was choked. He could tell you had been crying, and he didn’t like it one bit. 

“I know you, sweets. Talk to me, what’s wrong?” He heard you take a shaky breath on your end and waited patiently for your response. 

“I just… I- it’s already been a long day. I’m on my lunch now, but things just keep adding up and I’m drained.” He hated hearing you like this, your voice so weak and quiet. All he wanted to do right now was hold you, make you feel safe. “I was really looking forward to what you had planned for tonight, but I don’t even know when I’ll make it home. I can try to-”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Just try and make it through the day as best as you can, alright?” 

“I don’t want to ruin any plans that you-” 

“You’re not ruining anything, doll. We’ll save it for another night, I promise.” He heard you groan on the other side, followed by a sniffle. “Do you want me to come rescue you?” he teased, only half joking. 

“Ugh, don’t even tempt me, I might seriously take you up on it,” you laughed, and it made him feel better when it came a little easier than your last one. “I’m sorry-”

“Don’t,” he scolded. “I’ll see you later tonight, okay?” He waited for your confirmation before saying your goodbyes, leaving him to reconsider his next course of action. 

He shoved his plans for a romantic – suggestive was the better word if he was being honest – evening into the corner of his mind. He would have plenty of other chances to come back to it when you were ready, but tonight needed to be different. Maybe he wouldn’t attempt a fancy dinner, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to make it special. 

Bucky turned on his heel to step inside the florist’s shop once again with a new mission. 

…

When you were finally clearing the top of the stairs that led to your front door, you were beat. Physically and emotionally exhausted, and you only had the mental capacity to keep putting one foot in front of the other so you could get inside of your apartment and crash. 

It was disappointing, honestly, how differently your night was supposed to have gone. Bucky had been tantalizing, and thoughts of where the night would have led filled your head right up until everything started going sideways. You shook your head to rid yourself of any more thoughts of work, fishing your keys out of your purse to push open your door. 

Whatever you expected to see, this was not it. Your apartment was dark save for the candles that decorated your coffee table and kitchen counters, the calming aroma they offered hitting your senses, and you saw a small bouquet of your favorite flowers in a vase on the counter. As you slowly made your way into the apartment you closed the door behind you, the smell of something deliciously familiar filling your nose. Before you could call out to the prime suspect, Bucky stepped out of your room in one of his henleys and a new pair of soft pants. When your eyes met his, he offered you a gentle smile. 

“James… what is all this?” you asked softly, battling the emotions that were threatening to come back up. 

“I know this isn’t what we talked about this morning, but you had a long day, and I still wanted to do something special for you,” he admitted, his brows furrowed in concern as he continued to look at you. “I figured you hadn’t eaten, so I found that recipe you said was your favorite. I doubled the garlic like you told me last time.” You hummed in amusement and took another inhale. 

“It smells amazing.” 

“Good, I’m glad. I just hope it tastes as good as it smells,” he smiled softly. After a few moments he continued. “I’ve got a blanket and fresh pajamas in the dryer, and I laid out my old red henley on your bed. It should still smell like me if you- I knew you’d like that,” he grinned, seeing your reaction written very plainly across your face. You dropped your things unceremoniously on the floor where you stood, and started moving towards him. “I wanted to try and make tonight a little better than-” 

Before he could finish his sentence you had flung your arms around his neck, forcing his hands to reach out and hold you steady against him, and locking your lips onto his. It only took a moment for him to catch up, his large hands running soothingly down your back while he kissed you. 

When your lips parted you rested your forehead onto his, which he reciprocated in earnest, his strong hold on you never faltering. “This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me,” you gushed, nuzzling the tip of your nose against his when they kept bumping. 

“Really? A home cooked meal and fresh linens? The bar is kind of low, don’t ‘ya think?” he teased, and you rolled your eyes as you tucked into the crook of his neck. 

“Joke all you want, but I’m serious. This is… it’s wonderful, Buck.” He pressed light kisses to the top of your head as he cradled you into him, and you melted into his arms, basking in his gentle affection. He was warm and cozy, strong and sturdy, and you could hear that big heart of his beating soundly in his chest. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me just yet, sugar,” he mused, and you could hear the handsome smile on his face. “I’ve got something else for you after dinner.” 

“What more could you possibly have planned?” 

“You’re gonna have to stay up and see.” 

…

He should have thought this through. Did he regret his decision? Absolutely not. Could he have put half a second more thought into it? Most definitely. 

Dinner had gone over like a dream; you sauntered out of your room bundled up in warm pajamas with a blanket around your shoulders, sunk into couch cushions as he got you a serving, and looked close to orgasmic when the first bite had passed your lips. Afterwards he’d insisted on carrying you into the bedroom for the last part of his surprise, the blanket having been cast aside to expose your choice in pajamas; his red henley, and a pair of nonexistent sleep shorts. He hadn’t realized quite how small they were when he’d thrown them in the dryer. Which led him to his current predicament. 

You were laid out on your stomach with the covers pulled back like he’d instructed, looking like a goddamn dream, while he was supposed to be helping you wind down from the day. How exactly he thought he’d be able to give you a back massage he had no idea, because he hadn’t accounted for the human error in the equation, in this case being the semi hard-on in his pants. 

Bucky approached the bed, watching you shift as the mattress dipped underneath him, careful not to jostle you too much. Acting on instinct, he braced himself over you with one hand on either side of your waist, leaning down to place chaste kisses below your ear. 

You smiled as the sensation tickled your sensitive skin, but you didn’t shy away as he spoke. “You look cute in my shirt. Do me a favor?” You hummed in response, eyes closed as you relaxed into the bed. “Don’t give it back to me.”

“Why, don’t like this one anymore?” You giggled, feigning innocence. 

“I’ve been trying to give it to you for a while now, you keep washing it and giving it back,” he grumbled, playing along with your game. There was half a second where his judgment clouded, allowing him a soft nip to your earlobe before whispering in your ear. “Kinda missing the point of stealin your man’s clothes, babygirl.” 

You shivered underneath him. Shivered. He was gonna hang onto that for another time. Right now it was about you, about making you feel better. 

Which meant that when he sat up to get to work, he stayed on his side of the bed to avoid you feeling him slot between your-

Head out of the gutter, Barnes. 

He started at your lower back, digging his thumbs into your tired muscles and working away the tension. You made clear signs or relief as he worked, turning to putty beneath his hands in an instant. 

“You wanna talk about what happened at work today?” He tried gently, nothing but sweetness in his voice. 

You shook your head as much as you could while pressed into the pillows. “Not tonight.” Something must have really shaken you today, you always spilled your guts to him when you got home, for better or for worse. “I just want to be here with you right now, we can talk about it another day.”

“You’ve got me,” he assured you. “My complete, undivided attention.” There was a pleased sound that came from you, and then a pause for a few moments while he waited for you to initiate the conversation. Or the silence, whichever suited you best. 

“I was thinking, about your birthday…” you started hesitantly, and he could only imagine what might be coming next as you braced for his response. “What if we go to New York?” 

He hadn’t been expecting that one. 

“Yeah?” he asked, his hands stopping momentarily as he gave his promised undivided focus. “What do you want to do up there?” 

“Not sure, really. But I was thinking, Brooklyn boy, it might be nice for you to show me around your old stomping ground?” You shrugged, in a way that he knew meant you were trying to keep it casual and low level, when you were actually bursting at the seams with a much stronger emotion. 

“I have a feeling my neck of the woods has changed quite a bit since I left,” he reminded you with a chuckle. “I don’t know how good of a tour guide I’d be.” 

“It might be nice to see what’s changed? Your birthday is on Sunday. We could take a weekend and go explore, see what’s new and what’s still there… I don’t know, I just thought it might be fun.” There it was again; this shrug meant that you really, really, really wanted to get him up to Brooklyn. He’d be the first to admit it was a tempting offer… and he’d never been good at being able to tell you ‘no.’

“Sounds like a plan.” You wiggled excitedly underneath him, remembering to settle back to a still position when his hands resumed their work. 

By the time his hands had traveled up to your shoulders, he was convinced you were only halfway conscious. He took advantage of his stealthy skill set, making almost no difference when he eased off of the mattress to get up and turn out the lamp on your nightstand. He pulled the covers back up around you, and ever so gently sliding himself back into bed. You only stirred when he leaned over to press a featherlight kiss to your forehead, instinctively seeking him out for more. 

“G’night Buck…” you drawled, and he couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. He pulled you a little closer, wrapped his arms around you right, and felt peace wash over him as you snuggled closer fast asleep. 

“Good night, peach.”

Thanks for reading!! If you’d like to be notified when I post a new fic, be sure to follow @writerlyhabits-library + turn on post notifications! 💛

Speaking of, if you wouldn’t mind answering my survey about what you think of my library/taglist system? It’d help me figure out how to reach you guys best. I’d really appreciate it!

Masterlist | Ch. 10 | Ch. 12