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Lessons in Love
(Or why Enzo should be banned from advanced potion making)
Theodore Nott x Ravenclaw Reader
Summary: Ft. Enzo being bad at potions, the Ravenclaw common room door, and more than one accidental love confession.
word count: 3.3k
©️ obsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted or copied in any way or form.
A deep sigh escapes your lips as you walk purposefully through the empty halls of the castle. You loved Enzo. Really, you did. But how that bastard had managed to squeeze enough O.W.Ls out of his arse to get into advanced potion making was absolutely beyond you.
It’s not that you thought your childhood best friend was dumb per se. You simply thought his talents lay elsewhere. Like in herbology. Or anywhere really where adding a pinch too much powdered moonstone didn’t result in a glittery pink potion exploding all over the front of your robes. This never would have happened of course, if your usual, equally talented, potions partner, Theodore Nott, had actually bothered to show up, but god only knew where that boy had wandered off to.
Walking into classes earlier that day you had been giddy with excitement. While potions may not have been Enzo’s forte, it was most definitely yours and advanced potions was finally giving you the challenge you had been craving. Amortentia, your professor had said, is the strongest love potion in the world, thereby making it exceptionally difficult to brew. You already knew this of course as it had all been detailed in the days readings. Not only would it make someone obsessively in love, but it also had an addictive scent, changing to fit what one was most attracted to. Now that was all well and good until one was covered in it.
Originally, you figured that all would be fine. Enzo profusely apologized, quickly following up with a joke about how “at least you’ll smell nice for once.” But oh how right he’d been. It started with students accidentally bumping into you in the corridor as you went from class to class as they subconsciously leaned in to follow the alluring scent. A minor inconvenience you thought. (Although you did have to choose to ignore that third year almost getting impaled on a statue’s sword because he wasn’t paying attention after you passed.)
But then Cho and Marietta couldn’t stop leaning in to get a whiff of the scent all throughout the start of charms, causing Flitwick to continuously shoot concerned glances at the three of you. You eventually caved, moving quickly and silently to the back of the class room where Enzo was sat with the rest of the Slytherins. As soon as he saw you making your way over, he leaned over, whispering something in Daphne’s ear beside him. She gives you a quick look of knowing pity before moving into the empty seats usually claimed by Theodore and Matteo who were, unsurprisingly, still no where to be found.
“For what it’s worth, I really am sorry,” Enzo mumbles, at least having the decency to look embarrassed as you plop into the seat beside him.
“This is horrible! I did not need to know that Marietta’s amortentia smells like bloody Cormac McLaggen or whatever his name is,” you hiss in response.
Enzo lets out a quiet chuckle, sneaking a quick glance at your house mate.
“Hey,” he whispers after a moment, “What do you smell anyway? You must be going mad having that stuff all over you.”
You shoot a glare at your friend. You had a sinking feeling he already knew, considering he had been poking fun at you for weeks. You shudder remembering all those disgusting kissy faces Enzo had been making at you from across the library just last week. Bloody bastard was fishing for confirmation. Maybe if you ignore him, he’ll simply go away you think to yourself. Enzo however, takes your silence as an admission of guilt, a grin spreading across his face.
“I knew it. So tell me y/n, what does dear Theodore Nott smell like? Cigarette smoke? Hippogriff dung?” He snickers.
“He is my best friend, Lorenzo,” you whisper, giving the boy beside you another withering glare.
Enzo’s face falls at this.
“I’m your best friend.” He grumbles.
“I don’t know why. You’re mean to me,” you reply with exasperation.
He immediately perks up again at this, giving you a slight nudge.
“So I’m right? You do like Theo?” He asks excitedly.
“Enzo, I will avada you, and make it look like an accident,” you hiss in response.
“Come on, y/n, I’m your best friend, you have to tell me these things,” he pouts.
“Oh really? Like how you have to tell me about how you’re probably smelling Daphne’s shampoo right now? Or is it her lavender perfume?” You ask innocently, batting your lashes.
Enzo goes beet red at this, gesturing wildly at you to lower your voice.
“Hush woman! She’s right there!” He hisses.
You say nothing, only giving him a triumphant grin before turning back to Flitwick to try to salvage what few notes you’d been able to take down that lesson.
The final straw occurred during ancient runes when poor, unsuspecting Hermione sat down behind you and asked with a look of bewilderment if you had been showered with Draco’s cologne that morning. Her look of absolute horror only grew as you told her of your distressing situation. You thought she might faint when she realized that Draco had been within earshot and now had a shit eating grin on his face. With a sigh of defeat, you give Hermione an apologetic smile before deciding it was time to turn in the white flag of defeat.
You breathe a heavy sigh of relief as you finally come to a stop outside your common room door. You then frown, realizing you had in fact, made it to your common room door.
“What makes a raven like a writing desk?” The metallic voice of the Ravenclaw common room door asks, springing to life.
This putrid, skanky little-
“You wouldn’t want me to shove either of them up your ars-“
A low whistle catches your attention before you’re able to finish cursing out your common room’s door thoroughly.
“Whoa there feisty, let the eagle be,” Theo’s voice laughs as he steps into view.
The strong scent of roasted coffee beans and smoke that had been burning your nostrils all day hits you once again like a ton of bricks. Giving the eagle another withering glare, you turn your full attention to the looming threat approaching. You would sooner throw yourself off of the astronomy tower than let Theo know that your amortentia smelled like him. Someone had to keep the boy’s bloody ego in check.
“Full offense Theodore, I’ve had a horrendously awful day today, and I really don’t have time for whatever nonsense you’re about to start.” You say with a roll of your eyes as you cross your arms at the boy in front of you.
Theo laughs again, mirroring your movements as he leans against one of the pillars lining the halls.
“Poor principessa. Have a hard day in classes without me?” He asks with a smirk.
You scowl in response. It didn’t help that you had, in fact, missed the brunette’s comforting, albeit annoying, presence all day, but you weren’t about to admit that.
“Now that you mention it, I didn’t even realize you were missing. What snake hole did you slither off to today?” You ask, the lie sliding easily off your lips.
Theo cocks as eyebrow at that but leaves it be.
“Matteo wanted to ditch, had to baby sit. Make sure he didn’t get into too much trouble. You know how it goes,” Theo replied shrugging his shoulders. “And what’s a pretty little witch like yourself doing skiving off class?”
Theo takes another step forward.
“Don’t come closer!” You yelp before you can stop yourself. You had no interest knowing what Theo would smell if he got close enough. He frowns at you however.
“And why not?” He challenges, taking another step towards you. This boy really did not take well to being told what to do.
“I- I smell. Really bad. Had to leave class, I just- ya know, smelled, so bad” You splutter, mentally kicking yourself. Who says that in front of the guy they like? Why were you like this?
Theo’s thick brows shoot up at your declaration before he takes a final large step towards you and leans in, pressing his hand against your forehead before moving it down to feel your cheek.
“Y/n are you ill? Do you need to go see Madam Pomfrey? I can walk you there if you’d like.” He says, any bit of snark his voice previously held long gone.
“I’m fine Theodore, really.” you say, batting his hand away.
“Are you sure?” He asks, looking at you disbelievingly.
He leans in again and takes in a whiff of your scent and you immediately tense, freezing where you are. God damn it. His brows furrow.
“Y/n, you smell perfectly normal, maybe a bit stronger than usual, but definitely not bad.” He says, looking even more confused.
Before you’re able to fully process the words that just came out of Theo’s mouth, Enzo and Pansy come barreling down the hall towards the two of you in a fit of giggles.
“Y/n! y/n, you know I’m sorry, really I am, but if dousing you in amortentia is all it takes to get Draco and Granger to make complete fools of themselves in front of each other, I’d do it again!” Enzo exclaims between breathy laughs. “You haven’t seen ferret boy run past, by chance, by the way have you?
“Sorry, amor-what now?” Theo asks, blinking as he purses his lips.
You look between the three of your friends in alarm, praying no one mentioned anything after Theo had just announced that you smelled perfectly normal to him.
“Oh, you’re going to wish you were there! After you left, Draco was so pleased with himself. Looked like a kid on Christmas. Kept trying to flirt with Hermione until she finally sent a flock of doves to run him out of the classroom! Professor wasn’t too happy bout that one. Let us go early to find the blonde loon,” Enzo says, completely ignoring Theo’s question.
“I’m sorry, amor-WHAT?” Theo asks again, louder this time.
You feel yourself cringe.
“Amortentia.” Pansy snorts. “Do try and keep up Teddy.”
“This is what you get for always skiving off class with Matteo,” Enzo adds, nodding at the boy as if he were his disappointed mother.
“Mhmm. Enzo totally floozied over y/n’s potion this morning. Blew it up all over her and she’s been having people wander up to her to take a sniff all day.” Pansy tells him with a sniff.
Theo blinks again before slowly meeting your eyes as what he said only moments earlier begins to sink in. Pansy, ever the cunning witch, was lightening quick to catch on.
“Speaking of which, I am suddenly so interested in what exactly it is that you smell, dearest Teddy,” Pansy says as her eyes flicker between the two of you, a mischievous grin growing on her face.
Theo scowls at the nickname.
“Campfire.”
“Old parchment.” You say in unison.
Pansy smirks.
“Do you smell that Enzo?” She asks, making a show of sniffing the air around her. “I think I smell- a liar. Or two.”
Enzo only snickers as he eyes the both of you up. He knew exactly what you had been smelling all day and you begin to feel panic rise up in your chest. You send a menacing glare his way, daring him to open his mouth.
“Come on Pans, I don’t think Draco and Granger are the only ones who’ll be chatting up tonight,” he says finally.
Glaring at the pair’s disappearing backs, you once again turn slowly back to the problem at hand.
“Soo,” Theo starts at the same time you blurt out,
“This is entirely your fault.”
Theo’s mouth drops open, and he has the audacity to look offended.
“How do you figure mi amore?” He asks.
“You’re supposed to be my partner in potions, but you weren’t there today, so I had to work with,” you shudder, “Enzo.”
Rolling his eyes at your dramatics and giving you a small smile, Theo lets himself relax, leaning on the wall as he towers over you.
“Enzo isn’t so bad,” he says, slowly bringing a hand up to rest on your waist, gently moving you towards him. You pretend not to notice, taking a small, nervous step forward.
“He singed off Matteo’s eyebrows last year. The year before that, he didn’t realize there was a difference between fire flower and fired flour, and his potion melted through the floor. I heard a Puff call him Slytherin’s Seamus,” you retort. “Do you realize how bad you have to be at something to get made fun of by a Hufflepuff?” He snorts at that, cocking his head in agreement.
“Well I’m sorry alright? I’ll make it up to you.”
“You’ll have to. I have to go in again to remake the potion. Don’t want that bad mark on my grade.”
Theo only hums at this, as you’re finally standing nose to chest with him, forcing you to tilt your head up to still see his face.
“You really do smell nice,” he murmurs, pressing his nose lightly into your hair.
You make a face before nuzzling into his chest to hide the redness growing on your cheeks.
“I’m not talking about this in public. I simply refuse,” you say, trying to melt into him from pure embarrassment.
Theo looks down at you with a devilishly handsome grin before turning back to your long forgotten common room door.
“Hey, open up. She technically answered your little riddle earlier,” he tells the door.
The eagle grumbles something unintelligible as it starts to life again.
“I can always melt you down. I’m sure you’d make a great piss pot,” Theo threatens, going to pull out his wand.
The door swings open rather violently and you’re pretty sure you can hear a rather colorful string of curses come out of the eagle’s beak as you make your way inside. Having been there a thousand times before, Theo easily leads you to your shared, but thankfully empty, dorm room, closing the door behind you.
“You really don’t get along with that eagle, do you principessa?” He asks, throwing his shoes off and making himself comfortable on your bed like he usually did.
“Like you’re any better. You just threatened to turn it into a chamber pot,” you retort, falling easily back into your usual banter. This was fine. This was safe.
Theo only raises a brow at you.
“The blasted door is still mad at me for making a ur mum joke when it asked me if a chicken came before the egg in front of a bunch of second years.” You admit, letting your arms fall to your side.
Theo lets out a loud laugh at that shaking his head and extending his arm for you. You walk carefully towards the bed before hesitantly accepting his invitation. It’s not that cuddling with Theo was something unfamiliar to you, as much as you were hyper aware of the slightly awkward tension between the two of you that wasn’t usually there. You slide your shoes off as well before curling up next to him and laying your head on his chest. The two of you lay in silence and you slowly let your eyelids flutter shut, lost in the feeling of Theo’s chest rising and falling.
“You know. You still haven’t told me what your amortentia smells like,” Theo says, finally breaking the silence as he gently brings his hand up to run his fingers through your hair.
“Take a wild fucking guess,” you murmur, refusing to open your eyes and determined to get further lost in his warm touch.
He only hums in response, continuing to comb his fingers through the soft locks of hair.
“You know when Enzo asked me if I smelled you today, he thought you’d smell like hippogriff dung,” you say eventually.
“Fucking tosser. What did that git smell? Wild lavender?”
“And Daphne’s shampoo.”
You feel Theo snort as if he expected no less of your ever romantic best friend. Silence once again rolls over the both of you as you absentmindedly play with the edge of his shirt, rolling the soft fabric between your fingers nervously. The quiet begins to feel suffocating, so you open your mouth to speak, but Theo beats you to it.
“Champagne. And that perfume you always use. With the little white flowers. Lilies of the valley, right?” Theo says.
You open your eyes to look at him in confusion.
“That’s what you smell like.” He says, carefully running his hand down your spine, sending a shiver through you.
“I smell roasted coffee. And smoke. Not the fire-y kind though. The kind that sticks to your clothes cause you refuse to quit smoking.” You respond, looking into his eyes warily for his reaction.
Theo only smirks in response, a cocky grin spreading across his face.
“Aw mi amore, I’m what you’re most attracted to?” He asks, the teasing bait evident in his voice.
You feel heat rise to your cheeks as Theo gazed intently down at you in his arms.
“Shut up Theodore. You sure know how to ruin a moment,” you say, once again burying your face in a chest.
You feel his chest rumble with laughter before his hand snakes it way up to your chin, tilting your head up and capturing your lips with his. His lips are softer than you imagined as he moves them gently against yours. You let a soft gasp escape and Theo pulls you closer, gripping your waste tightly, and shifting you on top of him, deepening the kiss until you’re both left gasping for air.
“Was that more of what you had in mind amore?” He asks with an innocent smile, looking up at you with what you could only describe as his best baby seal eyes.
“I mean, you were definitely significantly more shirtless when I imagined it, but I can settle.” You joke.
Theo’s eyes darken however, and he lifts you as if you weigh nothing, flipping you over so that he now hovered above you, your back pinned against the bed beneath you. With one swift movement, Theo pulls his shirt up and over his head before lowering himself back down, his chest now pressed against yours.
“Better?”
You can’t help but laugh at the boy’s determination as your eyes shamelessly take in the lean muscle and tanned skin that was current above you.
“Theodore, as much as I enjoy this, you have to put your clothes on. Cho or Marietta could walk in at any time,” you tell him as you begin to make soft circles across his waist line with your thumbs, admiring the boy in front of you.
“Mm. You mouth is saying one thing, but these,” he says, placing his hands over yours, “are saying something else entirely.”
You roll your eyes, pulling your hands out from under his and handing him his discarded shirt.
“One kiss?” He asks, looking at the shirt as if it had mortally offended him.
“One kiss.”
He leans down, once again capturing your lips with his, but with more intensity this time. You feel one of his hands brush your waist as his thumb pushes up under your shirt, the rest of his hand following soon after, gripping tightly at the warm skin beneath. You let out a breathy moan when he flicks his tongue across your bottom lip, and he takes it as an invitation to let his tongue explore the rest of your mouth.
An awkward cough shakes you from the haze and you look up, over Theo’s shoulder to see Cho standing guiltily in the doorway.
“Sorry,” she says, looking literally anywhere but you and the shirtless boy above you. “Bad time?”
You cover your eyes in embarrassment, feeling heat once again rush to your cheeks.
“What did I tell you!” You groan, letting your head fall back onto your mound of pillows. Meanwhile Theo has a much too self satisfied grin across his face.
#harry potter universe#harry potter#slytherin boys#slytherin#ravenclaw#lorenzo berkshire#theodore nott#draco malfoy#matteo riddle#daphne greengrass#pansy parkinson#fanfic#harry potter fanfiction#theodore nott x reader#how do you write in 2nd person#theo nott#theo nott x reader#theo nott x y/n#theodore nott x y/n
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You're a medicinal apprentice of the Pearl clan, and today, your clan found a ghost-touched elder out in the snow.
It's your job to help him, even if this too tall man, covered in strange clothing, is babbling in tongues. His hair is a dull grey, his eyes shine vacant, and his extremities are in desperate need for treatment of frostbite.
He's got a head wound. The other healers, you hear them discuss how that must be making it all worse. He looks deceptively young — but he can't be, eyes glowing like a man with a claim on his soul.
None of you know where he could have come from. You're surprised the patrol didn't think he was a zoroark. They probably did. But as you pump his fingers, encouraging sluggish blood back into them, you can feel he is very, very real.
It's a duty, to serve those older than you, even when they're marked like this. The ghost-touched end up like children, tantrums and illogical and lost. Until the ghost that caused it finds the light of the fire it left behind their eyes again, until it can steal them away forever.
You are spending a lot of medicinal resources on a man who will certainly not last the winter.
You believe it's compassion. The clan takes him in, and when he finally remembers a few real words, they welcome in Ingo, to make his stay, however short, kind.
But it's not as short as you expect — as anyone expects.
Each passing day, his twisted words resolve slowly into real language once more. Strange utterances still pepper his speech, but he's becoming knowable. He communicates, his memories have been robbed from him. And everyone believes him, because what else could leave a man so old unable to fend for himself?
You're worried for him. He doesn't remember to be cautious. You patch up his cuts and scrapes he develops from exploring the outskirts of camp, it's spring and he's still here. It would be something to rejoice if his eyes didn't still glow. If his fate wasn't still so very clear.
It's cruel, to draw it out. None of you want him to leave, this kind old man who has forgotten everything, volume control especially, but who plays with the children and does his best to relearn tasks and is that sort of gentle that can only be a product of experience, however lost. None of you want him gone, but it's cruel that the ghost coming for him is taking its time. Letting him regrow a life for himself. Letting others become attached.
You can see how everyone is thinking it, when they look at him more with pity, when they keep a bit of distance. You have no choice, his designated healer now, and he certainly comes to your tent regularly. Not just for healing, but with berries as gifts, little wood carvings that look like they were made by a child as apology for all the work he makes you do. You cannot reject any of it, and the ties anchoring you to this lost soul grow stronger.
You'd feel resentful, but you can't.
Time passes, and come summer, his penchant for being unafraid of the wildlife becomes a problem. He ends up bringing home a gligar, getting poisoned so often he becomes the sole user and contributor to your pecha stores. They may as well be housed with him, but he seems to enjoy checking in on you while halfway to his deathbed due to his companion's stinger. Over time, he comes in less, less due to his companion gaining better control, more due to his own developing immunity.
The day Lady Sneasler chooses him as her warden, many wonder if there was a claim on his soul at all.
But you can't forget how he came here, eyes flashing in the light, bereft of language and life and skills. Even now, he is often nonsensical, well meaning but lost. Meant for the next world.
He takes to it well, and survives to the next winter, and the next, growing his impossible team of companions. You've never seen anyone guide pokemon in the way he does, and you wonder how much of it is that insane lack of fear that could only be caused by having his soul unmoored and his former life stripped away.
When the sky breaks open, the nobles frenzy. You have little time to worry about your favorite patient, because instead you're treating wounds from pokemon that should have never hurt anyone.
He starts to guide people, showing up in the morning, taking them where they need to go — especially through the highlands. From what you've heard, the rift has made the pokemon there untameable. You worry for him, but all you get are reports of how he must be remembering his past as a fierce warrior, because how else could he so confidently command pokemon and people alike? How else could he face off and win against alpha pokemon that attack his caravans, make them his companions as well?
He uses the capture devices that the foreigners in the fieldlands do, and one night, he shows you how the pokemon can escape them on their own — they're more for ease, he says. It's much easier to carry his team like this. You imagine the towering pokemon he's showed you being led through camp, and you agree the balls are a good idea.
The sky turns red, and you don't hear from him.
The sky turns blue, and you don't hear from him.
But he returns, and says he's remembering, now. He'll be staying down with Jubilife, for a while. Battling, helping the foreigner who fell from the sky and calmed Almighty Sinnoh. He says, he may be able to go home.
You don't let him see how those words could bring you to tears. His clock has always been near running out, you knew this. But he had never seemed to.
Eventually, he does his rounds. Says his goodbyes. He's standing up straighter, seeming younger, a last burst of energy, you think. He thanks you, for everything you've done.
He goes to the mountain, and he doesn't come back.
You erect a little memorial in your home, for the man with eyes that glowed far longer than anyone's ever had before. For the man who loved the world, pokemon, battling. You hope, wherever he is beyond this world, he is happy, and safe. That the man he was and the man he became can reconcile. You thank his spirit, for the time it spent in your life, and the next time one of the clan's elders loses their mind to the ghosts of the land, it's him you think of as you care for them.
#submas#i think about the fact that like. idk early onset dementia would seem like suuuuuch a good explanation for ingo#it was interesting to write an outsider pov#who fundamentally misunderstands the situation. but like. still cares deeply#i also tried to consider how a medical condition like that would be viewed before more specific development of diagnoses and how it would#interact with like... pokemon#anyway hard to explain to your healer that youre just an amnesiac from the future when you look like a classic case of 'dislodged soul soon#to be consumed by ghost pokemon'#my writing#i dont normally do 2nd person... it was interesting
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I hate the Staghorns so much. every time I do their questline to get that painting I think "oh surely it's not going to make me mad this time around" and YET
#they are genuinely terrible friends#when I get to the part where they just THROW AWAY Ravaedron's gift so callously I just AYTDFASHGFD I need to bite something#they then go back like 'oh nooo we only hated your gift you worked so hard on because we would miss you 🥺' like bitch WHAT#WHAT??? that is not how a sane person reacts to someone making you a personal gift with you in mind!!!!!!!!!#like 'ooh it didn't have the right ✨meaning✨ behind it' IT WAS MADE WITH LOVE. IT WAS MADE WITH YOU AND THE LAND YOU LOVE IN MIND#AND THIS LAND HOLDS SO MANY PAINFUL MEMORIES FOR HIM. MAKING THAT PAINTING MUST HAVE BEEN SO HARD FOR HIM#BUT HE DID IT ANYWAY FOR YOU#AND YOU THROW IT AWAY#I HATE THEM I HATE THEM SO MUCH#it would have made more sense to like. find the painting stowed away in their basement or something#like at least then they wouldn't look so cruel and cold. it would be more like they just didn't know what to do with it or something#they were literally just upset it didn't have their faces on it#it's just. seeing that painting thrown away never fails to make my blood boil. the Stanghorn's motivations are all over the place#they never make any sense and then they have the AUDACITY to (even after the end of the questline when they're supposedly not mad at him)#call Ravaedron 'thick headed' and 'unwise' and 'maddening'#they are awful characters. a pain to interact with and the 2nd worst written characters in the Angle (which is saying A LOT)#and the worst part is I *know* how to fix this questline! you just need to change how that first instance goes and a few other things#and then the Staghorns don't look so racist and awful and the conflict between them almost makes sense#I'd need to write a whole post about that but I don't want to because I don't want to think about this quest
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I'm having way too much with this chapter that I was struggling on just yesterday. What the fuck. Holy fuck. This is what happens when I read a fanfic with a great narrative voice that I adore. I just start going off, I guess. This means Kim's going to be very inwardly opinionated and vocal in Chapter 6.
Anyway whoo Chapter 6 preview for A Toast To The Pigs, a fanfic where Harry didn't lose his memory in Martinaise and still has to solve the case. This preview skips the next chapter:
“…I lost you there, didn’t I?” Harrier asked, sounding disappointed. “Somewhere at the end.” Kim lifted his eyes from his notebook. He stopped flicking his pen in his fingers to push his glasses back up from where they were sliding. Harrier was watching Joyce Messier, a brow raised and a half-crooked grin plastered on his face. Some offshoot of that odd expression of his. Joyce Messier smiled apologetically, shaking her head. Ah. Joyce Leyton-Messier. Kim had almost forgotten entirely that she was there. She really was committed to just listening to his theories and not sharing anything. What was it again that spurred Harrier to share absolutely everything about his theories right here? Rather than somewhere he and Kim could go over in private? Wasn’t this supposed to be confidential? These were just theories. Perhaps it didn’t matter. Perhaps it was another can-opening. All right, big man. Wet dog. Can-open away.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#wyrm writes#a toast to the pigs#so far this chapter is now at 10k+ words#depending on how much longer i'll spend on joyce i might split the end of chapter 6 into chapter 7#because i want to do an hdb chapter summary with joyce and the subject of like#the end of what i currently have of chapter 6#(each chapter summary is a brief 2nd person hdb pov)#shit's subject to change you know. this is first draft shit. lookit them go#anyway this is fun. they're having fun. I'M having fun. kim's excited. can you tell#did you know on desktop you can drag and drop the tags that you wrote#i didn't know that!!! i just found that out!!! by trying it out!!! so cool
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sometimes i'll think abt a Fandom and wish it were bigger, and sometimes i'll read something from a fandom.. and wish it were smaller
#ppl seeing a confident black man : FINALLY! A PERFECT ANTAGONIST FOR OUR STORY!#THE CORRUPTOR!! THE ASSHOLE! MR KNOWS ALL!#i want to be bigger into football. i rlly do#but . omg. sometimes seeing just So Much . side eye shit is . like imagine my exhaustion#and this isnt me trying to be the behavior police like let ppl write but sometimes seeing such. Fun. patterns can be like#idk man it's sad like damn thats rlly how the world is and obvs i KNOW how it can be but it's real wack#real wack being reminded even in ur supposed happy place ur supposed lighthearted little break from the world#it's still not . idk. it's just not#oh the poor pale blond qb just a little anxious baby oh and his evil zany teammates trying to corrupt him oh theyre so terrible for my angel#:/#.. that is. a Grown. Man .#it's like replaying my 2nd grade teacher ******** me bcs i was a troublesome kid and it made her feel young and alive and bad again#like wtf am i corrupting you with maam? skibbity toliet ? leave me alone !!#listen. if it were smthing like 'x rlly likes tomatoes' when he actually likes idk carrots? i would not give a fuck. infact i prefer carrots#but bad patterns have smthing more to say bcs patterns in general have a story#it's more than 'he would not fucking say that' it's 'WHY tf are YOU making HIM say THAT of ALL people & THINGS???'#like i love having asshole characters in my stories too. and they can be poc ! NO ONE is a saint!#but having one just to fuel the only one u actually care abt? having their problems solely be for plot?? & making that one#a SPECIFIC kind of person ?? is kinda giving me 'u dont view x as a human which could mean you dont view x race as humans'#WHICH IS !! IT SUCKS ! THAT SUCKS!#i know i need to just suck it up and ignore it but thats like the life quote of being poc isnt it#ugh#it sucks
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#I'm sorry I'm behind on asks I feel like it never fucking ends#can't talk to family about it. they worry too much. cant talk to friends about it. they just start giving unwarranted (well meaning) advice#and plus they basically live with me atp with how often they're over helping me fuck do I do?? bother them more??#dude it's embaressing even if it's not chronic shit it's just unlucky shit like how u gonna have an allergic reaction & then seizure same d#idk about therapy therapists scare me. it's not a therapy issue though I'm just tired and in pain all the fucking time#one more person says “same omg” or “well have you tried-” i will start cutting peoples throat and eating their livers#you do NOT know what it's like having to write your own will before 30 like this shit aint right shit aint fair#makes me petty and shit too people who are healthy like can you just fucking suffer why do you get that freedom but not me#it just never ends#like I really fucking hate it when people say “oh you have so much to live for” because no I don't#Not so sound like a right winger gosh dang god fearer but like deadass people focus so heavily on “mental health!!” they don't#realize even if you feel better and get therapy or shit that's not gonna be realistically helpful for anything physical going on in sm#it's a cycle even if you manage 1 thing - the medications cause a 2nd thing#and that's alongside all the OTHER things you take medications for which cause all those other things#it's like multiplying and makes your body slowly deplete but like never quite die. like I know realistically I can just die anyday#and yeah it is getting worse but it's no different because it's not about that#when you're sick it's not just “OMG DYING!!!” it's like. everything else in your life dies.#you can't cook for yourself. you can't clean. you can't move. you can't hang out with people anymore. you can barely work LMFAO.#I'm REALLY close to quitting it's not even funny lmao. cant put clothes on without struggling.#do people not know it's. physically impossible. to even eat sometimes. just vomit it all up or seize.#yeah it does make me petty#rant
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Update on my Whumptober thoughts: Not all the prompts will be posted, I have all 31 planned out but I found out that you don't have to post all 31. If a fic is finished, I'll post it but there's some big beasts that I want to write properly instead of rush. Also, I might not even write all 31. I want the completionist title but I don't have the time nor energy to force myself to write all the prompts and I did it last year and it wasn't like life-changing. I like Whumptober because the prompts help my creativity, spark some inspiration (talking about my Delancey Brothers Fic) but the perfectionist in me just beats myself up about not getting enough fics done before October or not writing enough each day to get them finished and then writing fics that all sound the same or the ideas being kind of shitty because I'm forcing them. I want to do my ideas justice rather than mass produce shit I don't like because I feel I need to, it's a constant line I walk between "I want to write something well and that I'm proud of so might be inactive for a while on AO3" and "I want to get this idea out there so need to post a bunch of stuff now"
#also i don't know why i feel i have to update people#i genuinely think that people will give me flack about not posting 31 prompts but calling myself a completionist#or saying i've got loads of fics coming up for the bear because of whumptober then not posting anything#i've made good progress with some things#the ed fic#but others are complete and not how i want them to be#there's a few fics exploring richie's birth family and him reconnecting that i want to do better#or him quitting the bear and becoming a nurse that i want to do justice#or just the fact that all i'm thinking of is my mikey lives au but it doesn't fit whumptober so i'm not writing it#and to top it off#my way of writing is changing from plan a lot and then write each scene in order and do that every day#to not being able to flesh out ideas so just writing down scenes until i get the vibe#it feels less dedicated to me personally#just because it's different and i'm a perfectionist who's too thorough sometimes#also half the time i plan a fic in detail then cba because it's too daunting#so i'm taking a leaf out of scenedenial's book and giving myself more freedom and trying not to beat myself up#that i've got 10 fics on the go and they're all slow going#because that's what i can manage#september is and will continue to be a stressful month for me#got my 2nd attempt at my driving test on 24th september and i'm an anxious wreck#also work on top of that and trying to have a life and let myself chill and say watch footie with my dad or grey's anatomy with my mum#rather than sit at a computer not writing all day#you've got to do stuff to be motivated#also exercise#i'm trying to exercise regularly and there's only so much time in the day when you work 9 hours a week#when did this become a vent post?#personal#kinda
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just thought of the premise for the professor!geto fic & i’m excited hehehehe <3
#i think it’s a unique premise! :p i’m excited to explore the story :’)#sukuna is included bc i love him he’s my bestie i love sukuna as a best friend in au’s so much 😭#a bad bitch but also a nerd! blunt/takes no shit but is also v protective of you <333#might work on this before catoru bc omfg……… catoru got me against the ropes……… fear i may just have to scrap & rewrite it all 😭#cuz when i’m writing i notice that idk if i’m doing active or passive voice OR doing 1st/2nd/3rd person like girl what are yew doing rn#AND IT’S SOOOOO FKN BORING WHEN I DO DIALOGUE ESP BEFORE & AFTER like how many times can i say ‘nanami says’ ‘nanami exasperated’ etc… like#it’s so BORING no flavor i just forget how to explain things 😭 like how do i write that better/more engagingly??? 😭😭😭#gonna have to learn that tbh#anywayz. prof!geto got the storyline/summary set i just need to write it now#maybe i’ll get back to catoru after writing some of prof!geto methinks i just need smthn else to work on#it’s all good practice anyways but i still wanna make it decent for whoever requested it 😭#personal
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Tarn, did you ever notice that there are surprisingly many people who want to see you dead?
You know the saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer?"
I jumped a few steps ahead and made my friends my enemies. Two in one packet.
#but also yeah lol you're right#you know those *whodunnit* mysteries where theres one dead person and multiple people who could have done it?#that would work alarmingly well for me#actually hold on#the 2nd anniversary of the heritage blog is coming up#all i need to do until then is learn how to make a visual novel style game + figure out how to write a good murder mystery and bam#the murder of LHP#all that only in the span of like#5 months#yeah sure that totally sounds possible
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Martin Shaw as the gorgeous Sir Charles Cartwright in 'Three Act Tragedy' (2010)
#I stopped being normal about this a long time ago!#just look at all these sweet smiles#and I always go 'aww my poor baby!'#when he says 'someone has murdered my friend'#that scene from the 2nd gif always slays me#you can't tell me he is so oblivious to how beautiful he is#also the person who is responsible for that haircut deserves ALL the praise!#it's simply perfect!#sigh...#anyway I needed some break from my writing since the last chapter was rather challenging#so looking at him now might remind me why I'm doing this#he's so worth it though#sir charles cartwright#martin shaw#three act tragedy
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In honor of receiving the woozi carat version fml album:
*ahem*
The wedding was very impulsive. Very unlike the both of us. Neither him nor I understand how we ended up here. Woozi's my husband. But we're both horrible at expressing our emotions, so I know the marriage won't last. I think it will lean more towards quiet quitting rather than a big, dramatic ending. That's okay, though. We'll have fun while we have it. At least, I will. That is, if I don't think about how unfair I'm being to him.
He definitely thinks I'm cringe. But his best friend is Hoshi. He should be used to that. Also, he's as obsessed with anime as I am with other things, so he should get me a little bit. I think he finds the cringe endearing. But he never says so. I'm frustrated he doesn't express himself often. Even if that is hypocritical of me. But I love how passionate he is when he works. His ambitious, creative side is what makes my heart skip. Watching him while he writes a song or performs in front of an audience is really the only time I ever see that emotional side of him that I so desperately crave to experience.
However, I am very much in love with another person. The guilt I have over that love claims my voice. I allow it to prevent me from even attempting to open up to my husband. I do have a love for Jihoon. Definitely an adoration, a respect, an attraction. But it's not quite the same kind of love that I have for them. The kind of love one would expect to have for a life partner. Although, have I ever really considered Woozi my life partner? I often wonder if I am too cruel to him. No. I know I am. I don't know if Jihoon's accepting of my love of another, or if he even knows about it. I don't ask. He doesn't volunteer that information. Because why would we ever talk about it?
*end scene*
#jumping in a hole and hiding for the rest of the day#i will never expound upon this#i will (probably) never write again#no one perceive me#why did this turn out so angsty?#it didn't start angsty#also i only know how to write a narrative in 1st or 3rd person#how do you writers on here always write in 2nd person?#it feels unnatural which is why i didn't try#ANYWAY#bex.text
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Would you ever write a fic that wasn't reader insert?
Definitely! I believe I've mentioned before that I have a few slash pieces that may or may not get finished/published one day. And I've actually been pondering a lot recently whether or not OC fics are something I should think about dabbling into. Although I don't consider my stories true reader insert - in that I go out of my way to make each "you" character as defined as an OC would be - the fact of the matter is that label can come with a lot of baggage/preconceived notions/judgment and I don't always love dealing with that. I have a huge multi-chapter WIP I've been working on for literal years and it's frustrating to think that it might not get a fair shake because of my chosen format, so I've been contemplating whether or not I should convert it to an OC piece. I want to stay true to what I like but I also want people to actually read it after all that work, you know? 🤷🏻♀️😂
Writers Would You Ever - Send me an ask that says "Would you ever write..." and continue the sentence.
#it's def a much to think about situation lol#i could go on and on (and i have lol) about how weird and displaced from the writing community I feel as an x reader writer#especially since I don't see my stories that way!#they're just in 2nd person! it's a valid pov! margaret atwood has published in 2nd person!#all my 'you's are different people - i really just like the immediacy of the format 🤓#but i understand that it's a hard pass on sight for a lot of people#so it's just a matter of are the feelings i have about it strong enough that I'm willing to essentially a whole new way of writing#idk!#just thinking about it atm 🤓#have considered doing a poll about it at some point but we'll see 😂😂#the slash i have on hand I'm just not sure if it's any good#or how interested in that my current audience would be#or if i just post that to ao3 and/or keep it for myself lol#so like i said#much to think about!#💙💙#ask#anon#kh4f writing#writing ask game#would you ever asks
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Someone should tell my body that frequent nose bleeds while on my period &/or when I’m dehydrated is counterproductive and particularly aggravating to deal with when I’m just about to eat, sleep, or go out. Waking up to it every day is bad enough.
#currently writing this one handed while I wait for my blood to stop leaving my body so I can go the fuck to sleep#have you ever found yourself roaming the unfamiliar halls of the campus catholic center dressed for a concert you’re now running late to#while bumping into people left & right and bleeding because it was the closest place open? no? just me?#have you ever had to make a very sudden and quick descent from the awesome high-rope course you’ve been waiting your entire high school#career to try because suddenly there’s blood coming out of you half way up & by the time you deal with it there’s no time for a 2nd chance?#have you ever had to awkwardly stand in the bathroom as people come in & out as they give you their (bad) advice on how to deal with your#3rd nose bleed of the day? IF I TILT MY HEAD BACK I WILL CHOKE I know this through experience#have you ever tasted and felt blood go down the back of your throat?#have you ever coughed up blood? bonus points for doing so in public bathrooms#have you ever had a bloody nose so long that you missed your bus and had to wait extra long in winter for the next one?#I think I’m good now. probably won’t choke if lie down 👍 goodnight!!#personal
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Idk what the hell just happened but I think I made a sequel/prequel to that Ben Hanscom one shot I did forever ago,,, so anybody interested ?
#again its all in 2nd person and no pronouns or descriptors it that helps at all#girl (gender neutral) i didnt know i knew how to do that [write]#ben hanscom x reader#ben hanscom x you#i know some people asked for me to continue and to tag them so ill be happy to do that if yall are interested
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how is it that each passing day i am becoming more depressed
ah lads. say it isn't so
#if twasn't obvious by the poetic 2nd person vagueposting#i think i am having major problems mentally#tis not going to physically kill me but spiritually i am getting there#at this point i may need to ask for help more urgently#in fact writing this is making me wonder what mental health hotlines are available here#for the record#i am going to be okay. it's mostly anxiety.#i am not a suicide risk.#i am not doing substances or committing physical self-harm. nothing of that sort.#i'm fine in that sense. in fact i appear too “fine” irl to be believably excused#it makes me wonder far too often if i'm just a liar and i'm actually fine but just making a big deal about nothing#which is not the case as you can plainly see#obviously i'm not okay#but i'm okay enough to feel like i'm lying#so that's weird#i'm realizing i do not know how to talk about my issues in french though. that might be an issue if i'm contacting a helpline#i don't know if they have continuous chat helplines in english#after checking it seems like there's a association for students that does do chat helplines in english#only at night though#which is cool. considering it's night rn so i could try it#man you know it's bad if i'm getting so scared i'm considering nightlines
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having ocs is so funny i made this little guy to be a whore in a miserable toxic relationship where theyre both so terrible they kind of cancel each other out but then i said "no. you know what. i want them to be loved again" so i built them this whole arc where they leave with their family and fall in love with a new guy who is good for them and helps them in their journey of personal growth or whatever and i focused on that for like 2 weeks
and then i was like. ok but the first guy was way more entertaining. so i wrote an au where the first guy just fucking kidnaps them and their entire sense of self crumbles
#ramblings#oc ramblings#sorry for writing a love triangle do you still love me#this au is also way more fucked up than what they were like before they went for the second guy#because instead of 2 people being terrible to each other#its one person who wants to be better SO BAD but whose partner keeps telling them they cant#and they doubt their own ability to be better so much that they cant bring themselves to argue#but because of how good the 2nd guy was theres still the lingering sense of wanting to be a good person#so its not 2 people who suck ass cancelling each other out#(esh youre perfect for each other never expose anyone else to what you have going on though)#its 1 person who sucks even MORE ass than before and one person whos just. a victim#and the bad guy is now also jealous of. yk. the guy who treated them with basic human decency and wants their love but Like That#which fucks him up as well. its great. no one is happy but by god theyll pretend to be
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