#how do you mend the broken things the universe forgot?

[silverskye13]

I have realized a very interesting thing about the relationship between tanguish and the hels witch is that is a place where everyone is running out of time he’s the one with long term consequences

I would argue many of them have long term consequences! But you're right Tanguish is definitely the one Going Through It with consequences right now. Mostly dealing with other people's but his are also thrown in there for good measure.

Definitely dipping into "the single immortal languishing at the mortality of others" vibes.

[ohdudedhesflirting]

I will hold onto you (I love you so I let you go, part2)

Part 1. Part 3

Pairing: Seok matthew x f!reader

Warnings: Mention of adult activity but nothing explicit, insecurity (mentionned quickly). Matthew is very sad :(

Tag : @seok02, I hope you will like it Nina, thank you for encouraging me to write <3

Genre: University au, Matthew fell first, friends to sweethearts, angst, break-up.

Synopsis: Y/n and Matthew were in a relationship and Matthew remembers some of their past days, wondering when it went wrong...

Words count : 2581

Notes : I hope you will all love this. There is only one part left. English is my second language.

.....Under the cut ...!

High school, senior year.

Matthew was his with notes from his litterature class, earphones planted in his ears. He wasnt paying attention to anything else around him but what was in front of him. His bestfriend since he was born, Sung Han Bin was next to him reviewing for his physic class he had next period.

In front of them was Y/n doing some volunteer work with cleaning and reorganizing the shelves. Vice-president duty she said, watching her Matthew knew that she did it simply because she preferred to do that rather than doing her studying for her physic class.

Her and Han Bin were in the same class, Matthew was glad of course that there was someone by your side. But he simply wished it was him.

Looking at you he simply forgot about his best-friend presence next to him that was not oblivious to the way he looked at their common friend. Grinning he took a part of his notebook and doodled on it a little chibi Matthew giving heart eyes to Y/N before passing it to him.

The second the young adolescent saw the doodle he gave his friend the worst look he was capable of producing and lightly punched him before going to his notes that he just noticed were upside down.

Laughing at his bestfriend reaction Han Bin slowly took off one his earphone.

"When are you planning on telling her ?"

Eyes as wide as humanly possible Matthew was shocked at the simple idea of telling you how he felt.

Hanbin simply exhaled. He was tired.

He had known Matthew since they were 3 years old, and knew you since you were 6 years old. And ever since the beginning of high school, 3 years ago he had to witness every day his oblivious bestfriend just yawn over Y/N presence.

He was tired and just wanted it to end. Every day watching him try to look at you in the most discreet manner, trying to prepare for excuses to hang out just the three of you over the week-end, studying together...

The worst was since you had started your senior year, it was almost the end of it but Han Bin could swear that he could not even take one more minute of the behavior of his bestfriend. Matthew was always asking about you, texting in class.

"Is Y/N okay ? she had a cold this morning" "Tell Y/N we are eating lunch together in case she forgot" "I brought a scarf for Y/n I will bring it over at the break".

Matthew was fakely going through his notes, trying to give himself a good excuse to not reply to his best friend incquiries.

"I'm serious, when are you going to tell her ? It's been 3 years. How long are you planning to wait ?"

"Forever"

Groaning one more time, Han Bin just wanted to rip off his hair. It was always the same thing, he wasn't ready, did not want to ruin their friendship... Always more excuses, of course he understood he was scared. But you were simply the most oblivious person ever and if he did nothing, someone could totally come and snatch you up and then what ? Han Bin would be the one to mend over little Matthew broken heart. Truly he could not even stand the thought.

University, middle of the first year.

"Y/n, Han Bin wait for me !"

Hands full of packages, Matthew was running after his two friends that were already well advanced on the road.

University had been both a blessing and a cruse.

Matthew had truly found his place, he had made so many incredible friends whom he cherished, he had joined a dance club, and the best of it all was that he got to share that with you.

You shared every meal together, for him it was his little moment of hapiness he was looking for all day long. Every weekend he tried to make the most of his time to see you and hang out with you.

Han Bin wasnt really the one to tag along, he had picken up on many clubs and had made an even more important number of friend than Matthew did, which was a lot.

Of course, the young man was scared that you'd found out about his feelings for you so he tried to maintain a distance, but it was not an easy thing for him. He just craved to be next to you and it was so hard for him to not be able to.

Finally reaching his two friends, Matthew saw his friend, Zhang Hao, waiting next to his car. The day was special, Han Bin was leaving for an exchange dance program in America. And the three childhood friends had reunited to say goodbye to him for a few months.

The atmosphere was full of sadness and excitement, saying goodbye was sad but it was a part of life, of what was better for Han Bin and his hapiness.

YN was the first one to pull him into a hug, saying she was proud was an understatement. She always cherished Han Bin and the way he always watched over her all those years.

Freeing himself from her embrace, Han Bin smiled at Matthew before pulling him into a hug and whispering into his ear "Matthew, when I'm back I want you to tell me good news alright?"

Hearing this, Matthew quickly pushed him away, ears becoming as red as tomatoes.

He stepped back to let Han Bin hop onto Zhang Hao car to go to the airport, seeing his bestfriend of his whole life leave made Matthew feel incredibly empty.

He knew that him leaving his side was for the better. Than Han Bin had a life outside their friendship and their bond but thinking about the fact that for months he wouldn't be able to see him, that he wouldn't be at their place felt incredibly bittersweet to him. They were bestfriend, and breaking appart was just painful.

Matthew was never the one for the goodbyes.

Feeling a hand reach his, he looked over his should to see you calmly putting his hand on yours.

"Do you wanna get breakfast ? My treat."

"That would be great, yeah"

Univeristy, beginning of the summer break

Matthew loves being home. There was absolutely nothing like his mother cooking, hanging out with his sister and just being able to pull all nighters watching animes.

But his favorite part was definitely that he could just come and see you whenever he wanted.

He had grown up since high school, and what he always had wanted to do during that time but unable to due to his shyness he was able to do it now.

Everyday or almost, he was going to your place. He wanted that free time not only to relax but also to build memories with you. It was perfect and he enjoyed every moment of it.

But the blissness of a perfect summer friendship couldn't last forever. Not only was Matthew hurting from not being able to be close to you as much as he wanted which was hurting him. But you were also hurting. Why was he always there ?

So of course one day it came out.

As always both of you had went out on a walk, you were living in the countryside and there lots of orchads around and forest. It was delightful.

That day Matthew felt that there was something wrong. It had been a moment you were bouncy when he was around but this time it was defintely worse.

You were avoiding his gaze, being globally lost into your own thoughts. Matthew could not force you to speak what was in your mind and simply waited for you to be ready to tell him.

"Would you like to go with me to the natural park in like three days ? They rescued a tiger from a circus and I thought it could be a nice day out ?"

YN suddeny stopped in her tracks and looked over at Matthew. She was perpexled and Matthew could see it.

"Why ? Why are you like this ? Taking me out ? Why are you being so nice to me ?"

Matthew was left silenced for a few seconds, but what felt like an eternity to him.

"What do you mean ?"

"Every day you come to my place, we hang out. And it's great really, but why ? When we are at the university I understand that you could feel pity for me to a certain extent and want to keep me compagny, but here..? Why.. are you so nice to me ?"

"I don't pity you. I never did. YN I care about you.."

Matthew could feel the beginning of tears coming to his eyes, did YN not want him by her side anymore ? Why would she believes he pitied her ? He only had eyes for eyes since four long years and could not wish for anything more than to be by her side.

"Why would you ? I was always closet to Han Bin, we met throught Han Bin, is it... is it because he left ? Is that why you keep hanging around me more ? Did he ask you to do this ?"

"Yes !"

In shock, YN took a few step back, of course, there was no way that the sweetheart Matthew was could care about a girl like her just like that.

"No wait.."

The tears were defintely starting to fall down on Matthew's cheeks, he hated the way YN was looking at him, as if all along he had pitied her and just took her in like a lost puppy.

"I like you. I really likes you Y/n and I've liked you for a while. Han Bin wanted me to tell you, he has been wanting since years and I was just a coward that was afraid you'd reject me and I simply never did. And he left and he wanted me to tell you, and we got closer, and I.. YN I like you."

Taken aback, YN could not understand. Since when did he like her ? Had it been a long time ? Or was it pity..

"I am not asking for you to respond to my feelings, just, try being my partner for two weeks, give me two weeks, and if afterwards you are not interested, we will stay as friends"

And Y/n had accepted, she accepted the trial of being his partner, and finally decided to stay.

Those two weeks were not for her the moment to try to developp feelings for him, but rather it was a blooming moment for her to acknowledge those feelings. They always had been there hidden under insecurity.

Second year of university, middle of the year.

"And she just left ?"

Matthew slowly nodded over his head confirming it to his assembly of friends.

Zhang Hao and Han Bin, Jiwoong and his boyfriend and finally Tae Rae were all present in the living room, where the apocalypse and Matthew worst nightmare happened just the night before.

He had called Han Bin on the phone completely sobbing just after you had left. He had just been frozen in place and that until Han Bin and Zhang Hao came, finding him just crying standing up in front of the door.

They had given him both of their shoulders to cry on and had put him into his bed where he started to sob one more time smelling your perfume in the place you normally occupied when you had a sleepover.

They had called everyone over for the day after to just have a discussion and connect all of their braincells to try and undesrtand the situation. Also because Matthew was miserable and nothing was making him cry.

Seeing your toothbrush next to his in the pot had made him spiral into twenty minutes of sobbing, seeing your complete cow milk in the fridge had him hugging the milk with tears.

Truly Han Bin and Zhang Ho were not enough of two to take care of him.

Now they were all together, trying to understand why suddenly you just wanted to break up after many months of hapiness.

"Can I be the devil advocate and say that maybe YN never liked you ?"

Jiwoong hearing this instantly shot a pillow at Tae Rae's face and Matthew just starred at him with big doe eyes, what does he means by never liked him?

"Yn never told you she liked you right ? And even if you are doing all the stuff couples do, its not enough to say she likes you"

"Tae Rae shut up" Han Bin was the first one to react. But it was too late, Matthew just got even more silent hugging one of your pyjamas that had your smell on it.

"She is not like that tho, something must have happened, I'm sure of it"

Jiwoong was your first supporter, being one of Matthew's roomate he knew more than anyone else how you were. and he simply could not tolerate that idea. He saw how you looked at him and there was no way you didnt like him.

"What if she is pregnant and she just ran away ?"

"Tae Rae I beg you stop it"

"Matthew look its possible right ? And I remember a few days ago she was puking"

All of the boys face went to Matthew, that was a possibility defintely. But would you really be the type to break-up because of that and not tell him ?

"Matthew ?"

Now it was Han Bin turn to be worried, sure he had told Matthew to get his girl but not to become a father.

"No. It's impossible. We always.. No there is no way we are always prudent"

All the boys in the room exhaled, they were too young to become uncles.

"So why would she break-up ? Matthew did not forget any date, she wasn't on her peiod, she is not pregnant, and nothing had happened during your movie night so why would she..?"

The room fell silent once again before Matthew just started to silently sob again.

He did not understand the situation. Everything was going great. They were happy, yes their relationship had become known on campus but everyone congratulated him for having a partner.

What was the reason you suddenly pushed him away ? Had he done something wrong ? He truly could not grasp his fingers on the situation.

Ever since he had asked you out on that summer day he had been scared you would just refuse to talk to him and he would not be able to see ever you again.

But most importantly as he was sobbing on his couch, his friends surrounding him, Tae Rae apologizing to him and trying to reassure him he was worried about you.

Had you gotten enough sleep ? Were you eating properly ? Had you remembered to take off your makeup before eating properly ? He was always the one to take it off for you because you always forgot to do it yourself.

He was ready to do anything and everything to understand why you broke-up. Matthew loved you too much and for that he could only hold on to you, and hope for you to hold onto him.

[laeteria]

Re-watching Aninana (S1EP1)

Hi, I have literally nothing to do on the train (which is like 4 hours a day), so I might as well watch one of my favourite series ever: IDOLiSH7. This is also kinda a compensation for the time when I said I would post about i7: Third Beat, but I never did after the 1st episode.

I'll simply write down things I remember from past me, notable things in the episode, and a few comments after this round of re-watch. I'll also try to keep it spoiler free!! For new watchers, the notes might give you some points to think about because I obviously didn't write them down without a reason.

Updates may be slow: I am a sad university student.

Past me things:

When I watched this anime for the first time, I just wanted to say that this was my first ever male idol anime I watched. My expectations were low.

I tried so hard to remember everyone's names in the first episode… I even paused the episode for it to catch everyone's name, lol.

Yes, I am one of the people who clicked the episode away to see if I was watching the right anime when they were playing basketball.

Notable things in the EP:

The basketball game already gives away a lot actually. Not only how Mitsuki and Iori seem to be close siblings, but also how Riku seems very tired after the match. Don't forget that it's a three-on-three and Yamato is the referee as if he doesn't want to insert himself into the picture.

MAN. When Iori started to wonder if Tsumugi was the daughter of the president, it was Sogo to say that it didn't matter.

Mitsuki seems to be very shaken by the news that not all of them are going to debut, only three of them.

Once again, Iori comes at Tsumugi because she has broken their trust and it's Sogo again who says she can't help it.

Yamato is the first one to count himself out because he was only doing this for his revenge.

Sogo, who is always looking out for the people around him but himself…

To be honest, Tamaki is so brazen, but it fits him (and his age).

Riku talking to Iori and how great it is to be able to work together with them, and Tamaki also looking serious when these words are spoken.

Sogo giving the bottle to Tamaki, so he could make up with Mitsuki is so Sogo like. (Mending the relationships here.)

Personal comments (after re-watch):

I forgot how much I love WiSH VOYAGE!

While everyone does look very serious, it hits me so hard to see their feelings align for the first time. I know it's just the first episode and it's probably because I have seen this series many many many times already, but I can't help but get slightly emotional...

I also really love how Tsumugi pinpoints the strong points of everyone in this episode because you will only see their appeal grow and notice them becoming a better version of themselves throughout the series. It's a masterpiece.

Together with the scene of deciding their group name, I think the first episode was very impactful.

[porcelain-tongue]

awakening | pt. 4(44)

january 14, 2023 | night of trip (no spread)

as i read back through the entries that night, i kept having to stop & take notes on what i was reading. my heart felt that it had grown and grown - until filled up the entire apartment. there was this tangible and visible energetic protection & guidance all around me in bursts of pinks and purples and blues.

every line of the notes below felt like a new revelation. it felt as though the words were coming from a place completely outside of my body. writing this now, i'm still humbled by it.:)

when i looked up from writing, the sun was rising. and i went outside to take a walk. i really haven't been the same since.

notes below

________________________________________________

me and nick have put in the work together to make our life so magical and beautiful :)

i want to attract more carefree

i want to be more carefree 

🌈 <<< that’s what i want this year to look like and however i need to find it, is ok 

trust my gut. trust my intuition. say yes to myself more. talk down to myself less. care for others. be nurturing. 

care. for. others. be. nurturing. :)

i’ve wanted to live other peoples’ lives so much that i forgot what it means to live my own! 

and my own life is so cool 😌😌😌😌

i have friends that deeply care about me, and that i can make mistakes with. 

i have friends that make me laugh. 

nick is the most perfect angel in the whole world and i can’t believe i get to live with him forever. he makes me smile every day. 

and wig. 

i get to travel so much and my lil self would have LOVED that if she’d known :)

my relationship with myself is so broken and i have much to mend. but the first step is telling myself that it’s ok, and that things take time; and that it’s completely ok to take my time. 

i don’t know fully yet how to love myself but i trust that i will figure it out. 

holy fucking shit. tarot is no joke. 

i know myself better than anyone, and yet i don’t listen to myself. i mean i “listen” all day but what gets missed is my intuition saying… love, and be loved. give, and be given. 

if i just filtered everything through that scope when it starts to bother me… eventually i’d find peace. 

my anxiety ebbs and flows with my mood shifts. i can channel my anxiety because i am the master of it, just like i’m the master of my mood. 

here’s what i love about me

i really do know a thing or two about music

i’m funny

i fucking love traveling dude. and traveling solo?? shut up. that’s a really cool part of me :)

i know how to find good things. good friends. good experiences. i’ve proven in my life that i’ve wanted to attract these things (maybe not always, but that’s ok)… and here they are in front of me. like i wanted that shit and went for it and now i have it. 

i am nurturing. and i’ve always found ways to nurture myself no matter how disentangled i’ve become with my own heart

i love my family. i’m really proud of that 

i know that this is important… and i love that about me. these are moments i’ve always wished my mom could experience. one day i want my kids to experience it. learning about yourself, and who you attract and how you love is genuinely one of the most beautiful experiences there is. 

i love that i am best friends with a rabbit. like that is fucking amazing. beat that 

^^ if i ever lose sight of this? that is the ONLY time that things start going wrong. life will ebb and flow. i will experience a lot of pain and right now i’m not ready for that. but i know that above all else at the end of the day… loving myself and the people in my sphere is all. that. fucking. matters. 

so stop being so silly about it!

tarot is fun. enjoy it. 

traveling is fun. enjoy it. 

YOU ARE FUN. ENJOY IT. 

(remember this when i’m back on planet earth):

my dream and the tarot and this moment were verrrry interlaced. like that was the universe preparing me for this moment. if i hadn’t been doing tarot and all that self reflecting i wouldn’t be healing in this moment. like holy shit dude. i literally said “the universe is teaching me to be more self reflective” and now here we are solving my anxiety :)

like the green grass in the dream - that’s a play on my lost innocence. due to not loving myself 

that comes from… misconceptions i have about my beauty and worth. and we’ve already listed above all the reasons i don’t need to be worryin bout that

somehow i was writing a literal letter to myself through tarot and that’s awesome. i need to keep reading that lil letter as a reminder while i heal heal heal (because remember? i’m protected :))

i feel my aura is green and brown and i'm kind of an energetic traveler. i’m learning that i compare myself a lot to purple and pink people. maybe because i want to embody those colors too? but don’t know how yet :)

the hierophant - following the rules / tradition  - but in this case the rules are fun because it’s the tradition of the universe which is love and it’s teaching me how to follow :)

THE TRADITION OF THE UNIVERSE IS LOVE

it's sunday. january 15. 5:55am. 555. :) (the 5 was all about balance and emotions) 

________________________________________________

the next day, i felt reborn.

the tradition of the universe is love.

operating in the frequency of light and love has changed my entire life. every day is beautiful, i am so happy to be alive. 26 years and i found a way through an intense dark night of the soul... to the light.

i hope if you're reading this, it means something to you too. and i hope you find the vibration of light and love within yourself, because that is where all Divine wisdom is found.

<333

[1994sunflower]

but why did this get to be so angsty…..oops?

in which everything is a bit different when you get back together

Ashton had almost gotten used to your absence in their lives, especially after months without it. Almost forgot what it was like to see you going in and out of Michael’s room, hear your kind voice greeting him and especially seeing Michael so passive. 

Michael wasn’t constantly looking around, searching for anything that could irk him. He even managed to walk around campus without getting pissed off and beating some poor soul. Honestly, he hadn’t been mad at all. It’s as if that swirl of anger he had constantly felt without you had dissipated into nothing but gratefulness of having you back and complete veneration of you.

Ashton could remember it vividly, the way he barged into Michael’s room the morning after you had gotten back together. Of course he had no idea, no one did, yet. So it was an understatement to say he was surprised when he opened Michael’s door, ready to yell at him to get up and kick him out of the lows he always got when he didn’t wake up with you next to him like he had been doing for the past months, and instead to be faced with an already awake Michael. And not only that, a Michael resting comfortably in your arms, his head on your lap and his arms around your body. Your hand was brushing through his hair softly, your eyes gazed his face silently. His eyes were closed and Ashton couldn’t remember the last time he had seen him look so serene, so still, calm and at ease.

Michael himself wasn’t what was so surprising though, it was the vulnerable position Michael was in for you, the way he looked so peaceful or your presence. Ashton’s mouth had flapped open, unsure of what to say, what to ask. He was frozen. There were so many questions roaming in his head. Mainly, what you were doing there. Had Michael really found a way to worm his way back into your heart? Even after everything, had you found it in yourself to give him a second chance?

You only looked up when the door swung open and you gave Ashton a smile, a type of frail smile that said that everything wasn’t completely back to normal just yet. It was that which gave Ashton a lot of the answers he was searching for. Namely, that you were too good for this world, let alone Michael. But you were back anyway. And Ashton couldn’t help the relief flood through him. You and Michael had always meant to be together, if not obvious by how destroyed he was without you, it was with how, with you, he was at his happiest and healthiest. But that didn’t stop him from still feeling disbelief that you had gotten back together, after all those months of suffering, it was over. He wouldn’t have to be constantly worrying about his friend anymore, he would be alright.

“Good morning.” You said sweetly. 

Ashton had almost started to believe Michael was asleep, had let himself be lulled under by your soft touch and gentle breathing. But then Michael groaned out loud and raised his head enough just to hold you closer to him, his arms around your person tightening protectively. 

“Fuck off.” He said to Ashton. Michael had just gotten you back and he’d be damned if he let anything, or anyone, take away any time he had alone with you. He was soaking up everything he had been so deprived of for so long.

And there was the Michael the rest of the world knew. It was as if the universe wanted to remind Ashton just how different you two were, as if he needed a reminder.

So Ashton didn’t take offense when he slowly backed out of the bedroom, the door closing behind him. The shock didn’t wear off, the questions of what exactly happened, when they happened were still running wild in his thoughts. But maybe just knowing that something happened, whatever it was, was enough. That you were back with Michael and neither of his friends looked miserable, for the first time in a long time.

Of course, it wasn’t like it was before. You didn’t roam around the house with the certainty that it was your home too. Not for a while, at least. It felt like you moved with the hesitancy of a visitor. And he could tell it hurt Michael to see it. Michael’s heart clenched every time from knowing the pain you still felt was his doing. He watched you with worried eyes, frowning ever so slightly each time you would even the slightest thing off, like knock instead of using your key or ask if you could use the kitchen. He wanted to call you out on it, to insist that you stop feeling so foreign in the house he had considered a home thanks to you, he wanted everything to go back to normal as if his mistake never happened, but he didn’t want to push something he knew he was at fault for.

Michael had kept his word. He bought a new couch. A nice, white one that didn’t have the cracks and, well, character (or past) of the last one. But that was the point. It wasn’t as winding but it got the job done. Barely. 

Though, Ashton didn’t really feel like he could complain especially when Michael paid for it all himself. Michael bought it to try to mend the divide you felt between yourself and the house. But still, both of them noticed the way you would still hang back awkwardly just before reaching the couch. You would bite your lip, fiddling with the hem of your skirt and staring blankly at the spot. As if the portion of the room itself was a haunted place for you, one that brought too many painful and humiliating memories that everyone in the house was aware of. 

If he could, Michael would tear the flooring by its roots and replace it for you. But he couldn’t so the most he could do was usher you as gently as he could to the couch, holding your hand so tightly Ashton sometimes wondered how he hadn’t broken it (but frankly, with your small frame next to his large one, he wondered often how he hadn’t broken you, in general). Or Michael would take you away all together, to his room, or if you were particularly upset that day, anywhere else but the suddenly cramped house.

Michael had always treated you like you were special, much more than he treated everyone else. But this new level of devotion was jarring even to Ashton who had seen it all. Michael would watch you constantly, making sure you were happy, relaxed, comfortable. If there was even a hint otherwise, he was up and getting rid of anything or anyone that could be the cause. 

It was a lot like how it was in the beginning of your relationship. He spent more time with you than ever, if that were even possible. Texting every time he could, even if you didn’t answer, even if you were busy. 

He forced himself to be more open with his thoughts and emotions; not that it wasn’t something he wanted to do, it was just something he wasn’t the type of man to normally do with his quiet and daunting demeanor. But he did it anyway because if he wanted you to see how special and vital you were to his life, he needed to make you feel it. So every time he saw you, he would tell you how beautiful you were, how much he loved you, wouldn’t really ever want to leave your presence. It was reminiscent to a lovesick boy trying to impress his crush. That’s how he felt, really.  

Instead of you coming over, it was him that would always leave to go to your apartment, just like it was before you two were even officially together, or at the very start of your relationship. You spent a lot more time in your apartment than before, which was weird for Ashton to get used to. Not only having you around less than before but also having Michael go from never leaving his room to being almost constantly away from their shared house. It was to make you more comfortable. He knew your new attitude of uncertainty was because of the memories in his house and while he wanted to completely destroy that new association, he also didn’t want you to feel that way more than you had to, he wanted his girlfriend back, his relationship back, to normal. So if that meant barely spending time at home and instead in your apartment that had become more of a safe space, a place where it almost felt like nothing had changed at it, then he was up for it. There, you were back to the sweet, shy, happy girl he loved. You were playful, touchy and confident in yourself and the relationship. It was like being in paradise for Michael to hear your giggle, feel your intimate touches like when you placed your forehead against his, or blushed as he held you tight.

Whenever you did come over, he could see the difference in your smile. It broke his heart but again, he didn’t quite have the right to call you out on it when he was the cause of its change. It had gone back to being the big, bright and bubbly one it had always been. But it didn’t reach your eyes. Even your laugh, while ever chiming and like a melody to Michael’s ears, ended just too quickly and with not enough of a quirk to your lips to be natural. You were forcing yourself to look unbothered, maybe for his sake. And that just made Michael angrier at himself. You were hurting still. Less than before because you knew you were loved, needed, wanted, with Michael. But nevertheless, at least a little. And Michael was starting to feel a deep resentment at the house, the place that sparks all these feelings back to your mind and heart. At least you still had the same way of melting into him whenever he took your small body in his arms. 

That piece of normality was the starting point and the point that held out hope for everyone that was around to see that everything would be okay. Bit by bit, you fell back into a routine that was similar to how it was before. It was different mostly in the beginning but eventually you got to the point where it felt like no time had passed at all. Sometimes, to you and Michael and even to outsiders like Ashton, it was so easy to forget that there was ever a point where you weren’t together. 

Definitely when it came to your sex life. It was as healthy and frequent as ever, if Ashton was to be a judge. It shocked him just how much he heard you going at it, very reminiscent to the time before the breakup where he would constantly hear you through the seemingly paper thin walls and he would have to leave his home to give you privacy and himself quiet. He was beginning to wonder if it was to make up for lost time. He could almost believe the months he spent with absolute silence were a dream, one he likely wouldn’t get anymore. 

But your intimate moments with Michael were the most familiar. Everything was the same, your connection, the feelings, the words, the dynamic. You returning back to it felt natural, as if it was always meant to happen. As if you weren’t returning from anything because it felt like you were never gone.

-

Ashton had learned a while ago, even before you had gotten back together, that mentioning parties was a big no no around Michael. Sadly, not everyone was close enough to Michael to know that. Especially the guests that were trying so desperately to impress him. They never thought much whenever they spoke of it and that would just result in a world of problems for all parties. Maybe Ashton should’ve warned them, or maybe they should have put the dots together before they opened their mouth. 

Michael was always on the new white couch across from them, you curled up at his side, his knuckles brushing gently across your hip. His eyes wouldn’t leave your face, watching you with the precision he had begun to always watch you with, careful to look for any signs of sadness, upset or discomfort. And normally you didn’t feel any of that, you were fine. You were beginning to not feel that certain sense of doom, or have the awful memories creeping back to your mind every time you entered his home. Time was stealing your wounds and Michael was patching them up with love and care. But despite that, it was impossible not to feel the shame, humiliation and memories come back tenfold whenever the guests would make an attempt to get noticed.

“Michael, dude, are you going to the party tonight?”

Ashton’s eyes closed with dread every time. Your own eyes clouding over as if your mind was suddenly very far away, bringing you to where you couldn’t escape the hurt and embarrassment you had slowly been separating yourself from. If that wasn’t enough to alert, and frankly, piss off Michael then your tensing at their words sure did it. You were frozen.

His cold eyes shifted to his guests immediately, narrowed and angry. “What the fuck did you just say?” 

It wasn’t their faults, not really. But Michael took it as an offense that they clearly had so little regard for you. And showed it when he stood to his full daunting height, taking a step forward getting ready to take a hold of anyone he could reach. Ashton usually would be ready to step in between but it never got to that.

Your small voice would cut through the tension. “Mikey…” Your small hand tugged on one of his belt loops. “It’s okay.”

Ashton watched, holding his breath, as Michael sat back down. Albeit begrudgingly and still angry, but he said nothing more as he moved you onto his lap. Ashton wasn’t sure what angered Michael more, his own actions being thrown in his face or the effect they still had on you.

Or maybe it was both. 

Especially when it wasn’t just happening in an unassuming way like Ashton’s guests’ slips of the tongue. And it wasn’t just when he was around to defend you either. Because, again, it was different and no matter how easy it was to forget when you were alone, it wasn’t just forgotten. 

More than once had you heard whisperings of your name, heard the judgement passed between strangers to you whenever you passed by. It was easy to know what they were saying, how much they pitied you or felt your forgiveness was a disgrace to yourself. The stares, the judgement, made you feel like a doormat. At least thats what they thought of you.

You wished you were stronger so their words wouldn’t cut so deep. But even when you pretended they didn’t, Michael always knew. Maybe it was the way your smile was weaker than normal, you were less talkative. Or maybe it was one of those days you returned home crying. Either way, he always knew and he was on you immediately.

You never told him their names or faces, fearing his retribution to them would be worse than whatever hurt they could’ve cost you emotionally. It wasn’t that you regretted your decision, in fact in times whenever you were with Michael, especially as time slowly healed your wounds and made your memories bearable, you felt as if you couldn’t be loved more. You’d made the right decision and everyday you were reminded more and more of it. Michael’s regret made him become the man he had been with you and even better, making sure there was no way anything could happen that would take you away from him again, covering all of the bases. Everyone could see it, Ashton mentioned how different Michael seemed with you every time you were alone with him. And you were grateful that he hadn’t let his guard down after the first few months of you back together. 

There were issues, there were problems, bad memories and mistakes. But you were working through it. And you didn’t regret your decision to let Michael back into your life. Because Michael had made it quite obvious that he was utterly in love with you. You weren’t the doormat everyone thought you were, you weren’t the weak girl that took her cheating boyfriend back. And Michael bristled at the thought of those rumors swirling around. He hated the thought of himself as someone that did something that awful to you, even if it was true. And he hated people trying to drill the idea into you that you had made a mistake. 

Not when you taking him back felt like the greatest thing to ever happen to him, apart from having gotten you in the first place. He was more grateful to you than he was to anyone or anything before. Without your selfless forgiveness, he wouldn’t know where he’d be without you. He just knew it would’ve likely led him to self destruction. 

So he could easily feel an anger rise in him at the thought of strangers trying to make you feel bad for it. Tried to take away your sweet mercy from him. Tried to take away the most precious person in his life, the one that brought him goodness and love. His future. The love of his life. The one he had fought so hard for, regretted loosing and hurting, suffered so much without. Especially when he remembered how empty, sad and without reason he felt without you. 

But again, your relationship was different but only at first. Your relationship slowly healed back to normal, the difficulties being more at the new beginning where the wounds of the betrayal were still fresh and constantly being reopened by the slightest thing. Slowly it faded out. Time healed you, healed your relationship.

And when you were forgetting, so were the strangers surrounding you, even without Michael having to do much. He suspected it was Ashton’s doing, he had seen Ashton watching the couple whenever you murmured sad recounts of the day in Michael’s arms (the times you had been so open whenever it wasn’t just you and Michael - which was so rare), seen Michael’s hardened glares as he thought only of protecting you and keeping you with him. It wasn’t hard to imagine Ashton spreading the warning of Michael wrath if the harassment didn’t stop. Michael didn’t do anything to stop him, he was right. If it wasn’t Ashton, Michael would have been the one to deliver the message and he would’ve done it with much less decorum. And he knew you would’ve appreciated Ashton’s way much better. 

He didn’t deserve you, but he hoped you were good enough to know that and still love him despite it. And you were. 

[harmony88]

Time Lord Thing

One of my very first stories ever, felt like posting on here too! You can also find more works on AO3 

The Doctor and Rose never separated, but seventeen years later their daughter changes the timeline and Rose falls into the parallel world. Now, the Doctor and his daughter must work to get Rose back.

:::::

Time is a fragile thing.

It’s a construct, her father would say. Time is relative, and time is pliable. It’s not linear, and the smallest action can recoil the already-set rings of time like a pebble being pulled out of the water.

She thought about this now as she opened her eyes, fear gripping her stomach. She wasn’t supposed to be here. The room she stood in was bleak, uninviting and cold. Her heart was beating rapidly against her chest and she couldn’t formulate words in her mind.

She had tried to help.

Her throat constricted as she suppressed the sob that threatened to escape her lips. Across the room from her, his hands pressed against a bare white wall, was her father. Well, he didn’t know he was her father. He didn’t know she was here at all.

She had tried to help.

She was hiding behind fallen debris, watching a younger version of her favorite person stand there coldly, his face like stone, as he listened desperately for any sign of a blonde woman she had seen falling to the Void at the time of her arrival.

She had tried to help. But the woman saw her appear and it startled her, and her grip loosened on the lever. She fell. A man appeared and grabbed her, his eyes meeting her father’s just for a moment as he watched them both disappear. She watched too.

The sob escaped, and she immediately threw her hand to her mouth in fear he would hear her. She wasn’t supposed to be here.

That woman was one she knew well; very well in fact. It was the woman she lived inside of for nine months; whose chest provided her her very first meal; whose warm embrace took away all pain and in whose eyes she found her strength.

It was her mother.

And the man that saved her was a man she did not know. But she assumed, based on the few features she saw, that it was Pete Tyler. Her grandfather, who she knew was trapped in a parallel universe her entire life.

She had tried to help. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This hadn’t happened before.

Time is a fragile thing.

She was sobbing uncontrollably now, her hands still covering her mouth as she desperately tried to stay quiet. But he heard her, and as his own hearts broke he ran toward the sound. It sounded like Rose crying, and he felt a flutter in his chest as he looked around, spotting a blonde head ducked behind metal barrels.

“Rose?” he asked. His voice was meek and timid. Desperate. She had never heard him so broken.

She always knew her parents were soul-mates. His voice now confirmed it.

She froze, her eyes red and cheeks stained with tears, as her heart thumped in her chest. Her brain swirled with all the lectures this man had given her about timelines and paradoxes and disturbances of both, but as she looked up and saw his chocolate swirls, relief flooded her more than she anticipated. He calmed her, like he always did.

He froze now, his mouth hanging open as he took in the figure that knelt on the ground before him. She was the spitting image of Rose, but there was something about her that felt…different. Familiar. Personal, even.

He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he knelt down next to her carefully as he took her in.

She knew she couldn’t tell him who she was. That would disturb the timeline of when her mother told him she was pregnant. She knew the story like the back of her hand. The story that was supposed to happen; where her mother nearly fell into the void but held on just long enough. Where they celebrated and her mother told him the news that changed his lonely life forever and started their journey in the stars as a family.

“You’re not Rose,” he finally said, whispering. She shook her head and bit her lip, and she saw him stiffen. She looked exactly like Rose. Especially then, “How old are you?”

“Sixteen,” she said, her voice sounded steadier than she felt, “I’m… um… Evelyn.”

Crap. She shouldn’t have told him her real name.

She winced just a little but recovered quickly - the Time Lord bit of her trying desperately to suppress her emotions. It was enough for him to notice.

“Are you in pain, Evelyn?” he asked slowly. He was confused, very confused, and his hearts were still shattering over the loss of Rose, but he knew whatever happened to this girl traumatized her and he had to help her first. To be honest, he welcomed it. A distraction.

“No,” she said.

Liar, she thought to herself. She just watched her mother disappear. She was NOT okay. And she was in pain.

Her brain started to overwork itself as he stood up and held out his hand to help her up. She paused, taking a deep breath and remembering to activate her defense shields on her mind as she gripped it, pulling herself up.

She felt a pang of sadness as she did this. She never put up those shields around her parents, but her father had taught her how in case they were ever in a situation where someone would try and access her mind. Not that he would try - he thought she was human after all, but they shared Time Lord DNA, and they were both in an emotional state. She knew their memories would fly between them like lightning. To her relief, her eleven years of memory defense training seemed to work as she grabbed his hand, both of their minds safe and untouched in their heads.

She detached her hand immediately and wiped her eyes. Her father was stiff. Everything she did reminded him of Rose.

Rose.

For the first time, he felt tears begin to tug at his eyes but he pushed them down. He could cry later. With a curt nod he began to walk forward. Evelyn stood still as he turned around.

“You coming? I’ll help you call your parents,” he called. She took a deep breath.

“Yeah,” she answered. If you only knew, she thought. This was the only way to mend the timeline she had so terribly unraveled. To follow her father, who didn’t know he was her father, to the TARDIS.

~~~~~

He wasn’t walking next to her. She reminded him too much of Rose. But she was close, and he made sure she could see where he was going.

Her hand darted up to her neck, where the Time Jumper necklace she used to get her here calmly rested underneath her sweater. It was something she had found at an antique trade on the planet Barcelona, and Rose bought it for her as a birthday gift this year. It was out of power and would be for another 24 hours, otherwise she would jump back to the father who knew her for his help.

At least she told herself that is what she would do, but she also knew she desperately wanted to heal the pain she caused this younger version of her goofy Time Lord father. That, and she was terrified to return and find out her mother was lost forever. She had to fix this.

Her jaw clenched in the way that reminded her mother of her father. She may only be sixteen, but she also knew the timelines and what was at stake. The woman who just fell into an alternate universe was carrying her in her stomach, and they had to get her back into this universe before she was born. Otherwise, she would cease to exist in this world and be pulled into the Void herself.

Leaving her father with no one.

That was not going to happen.

She was pleased at how rational her thoughts were as she walked behind him. He would be proud of her, if he knew how clearly she was thinking about the timeline of their family and how desperate she was to fix it.

Her mother would be proud of her, too. She smiled to herself. Knowing Rose Tyler, she was probably in that alternate universe thinking the exact same thing. She could practically hear her mother’s protest - yelling to the skies that she was carrying the Doctor’s baby and she had to get back to see the ecstatic look on his face when she told him the news.

Take me back! She would be screaming.

If her mother was working on it, she needed to as well.

The Tyler women were very, very stubborn. And that would be good for both of them.

They approached the TARDIS and Evelyn bit her lip again. Was it different seventeen years ago? Would it know her? Would her father figure out who she was once she was on board?

They hadn’t discussed this particular scenario before in all her Time and Dimension courses he insisted on teaching her since she was four, and she rolled her lip in her mouth weighing her options.

Screw it. She thought. Her mother wasn’t an option to give up on.

He opened the door and walked in, leaving it open for Evelyn to follow.

“You can come in, if you’d like. Or stay out there. I’ll grab a phone for you to call your folks. Leave the door open,” he said.

Act surprised, she told herself when she crossed the threshold. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open, and she saw her father smirk.

They always did this, he mused to himself.

“It’s… er… big,” Evelyn said. Without thinking, she smiled at her father, her tongue creeping up to the corner of her mouth like her mother’s did. His face darkened.

“Where did you learn to do that?” he asked her quietly. Evelyn stiffened. She forgot. Her father called that the “Rose Smile”.

“Do what?” she asked innocently, choosing to ignore him as best she could and walk along the railing, her hand brushing against the TARDIS. The ship began to hum and Evelyn quickly pulled her hand back.

The Doctor was alert now. The TARDIS responded to her touch as if she knew her, and it all felt wrong. Like a sick joke the universe was playing - throwing this copycat Rose to him right after he lost her.

“Who are you?” he snapped. He was standing by the console now, his arm branded with his sonic screwdriver.

Crap.

Evelyn knew this look. The Oncoming Storm was waking up. She had seen her father’s most protective state erupt a few times; when she or her mother were in danger, or when he had to make a gut-wrenching, universe saving, murderous decision. Rose tried to shield her from it as best she could, but she was part Time Lord and she could sense when her father was in this kind of agony no matter what her mother tried to do.

“Doctor -” she said, the word sounding foreign in her mouth. He was dad to her.

“I never told you my name,” he hissed, his arm inching closer as he adjusted his sonic screwdriver.

“Er….” Evelyn began, racking her brain for a way to fix this. “I - I, um…”

“Who. Are. You?” he said again, each word stabbing. She sighed.

“I’m Evelyn Tyler,” she said, her breath leaving her body as she looked down at her feet. “I’m your daughter.”

The Doctor dropped his sonic screwdriver.

Evelyn refused to make eye contact. She was kicking herself mentally for telling him this. Timelines were surely unraveling even more now, but he had cornered her and she had to tell him the truth.

“What?” he finally whispered after what felt like an eternity. “What did you say?”

Evelyn looked at him, her chocolate swirls a mirror of his as their eyes met. He saw it then, the piece of her that felt so familiar before; it was her eyes.

“Hi, Dad,” she whispered. The Doctor stood completely still, “Will you say something?”

“You….” he managed to croak out, still refusing to move. “You’re….”

“Yeah,” Evelyn said, biting her lip. “That’s all I can say. Timelines and whatnot.”

She grinned at him, hoping to make him laugh, but he just stiffened even more.

“How...are you here?” he whispered.

“Can’t say..” Evelyn replied. The less he knew, the better. “We just need to make sure we get Mu-… Rose, back,” she added.

The Doctor’s breath caught in his throat. He heard it, the word Evelyn tried to swallow. He could have guessed by her last name, and truly… he knew just from one glance who this girl’s mother was.

“Rose is -”

He stopped. His eyes were watering. He stepped closer to her now, terrified to touch her, as if she was a piece of glass he would surely break at the first chance he got. Evelyn didn’t say anything, but her silence told him all he needed to know.

“That’s not possible,” he said. “She’s human -”

Evelyn bit her lip. He knew so little. She knew, though, the fantastic story of Rose Tyler. How her DNA shifted when she absorbed the Time Vortex. It was a story this man had told her proudly.

Her mother. His wife.

The trace amounts of Time Lord DNA had allowed her to get pregnant after she and the Doctor declared their love for each other after Krop Tor. When she was carrying Evelyn, she absorbed a bit of her DNA as well, and Rose was the universe’s first and only impossible human. 100% human DNA with a Time Lord lifespan.

He would find all that out eventually, she knew. And she couldn’t tell him any of it now. The discovery of this knowledge were some of her parent’s happiest memories. So instead, she just continued to bite her lip and watched him.

“Dad?” she asked. His eyes snapped back to her, “Listen, um…”

“I don’t believe you,” he interrupted, his eyes dark. He had lost Rose today. His head and his hearts were at war and he felt tears threaten again, “This is cruel. This is so, so cruel.”

“Okay,” Evelyn said. It was a very Rose-like response, and she felt her mother’s ability to navigate her father’s mood swings taking over. They were both masters at it. Now, however, he was a bit moodier than she was used to, but she had to remember he was seventeen years younger and didn’t know the joys his life would be.

But she also knew him. And she knew what he would do. He would deflect. He would choose giddiness. Time Lord thing. She needed his help, and in order to get it, he had to believe.

“I guess a blood test in the Infirmary is needed. No problem,” she said, bouncing off to the hallway of the TARDIS. He stared at her, confused as she disappeared behind the wall. Grumbling, he closed the front door and followed her.

“You don’t even know where -”

“Second door on the left?” she asked, her blonde head poking out of the infirmary door. He sighed. She looked so much like Rose it physically hurt.

He knew, deep down, that she was right. But everything in his body protested and told him it was a trick. The universe did not work for him; it did not give him a happy ending. Today made that abundantly clear. One moment Rose was telling him she was never going to leave him, and the next she was sucked into a parallel world.

However, as he watched this girl prop herself up on the exam bed and swipe her skin atop her median cubital vein to prep for the needle she would have him use to draw a blood sample, he felt his hearts quicken. She looked like Rose but acted like him as she flashed him a smile, holding the sterile needle out in front of her.

“Ready!” she exclaimed. He took the needle from her, his hands shaking slightly. He moved to the sink and washed his hands, put gloves on, and returned to her side.

“You act like you’ve done this before,” he mused, watching her carefully.

“I was bitten by a radioactive snake droid when I was eleven. You took like… twenty samples to make sure I was okay,” she said laughing, but her smile quickly fell. Stop talking. Don’t tell him more. Timelines.

“Hm,” the Doctor said. If he had a daughter, that sounded like the kind of thing he would do. After a moment, the vial on the needle was full and he pulled it out of Evelyn’s arm, watching as she wrapped the site that was bleeding with gauze all on her own. She had done this before.

With bated breath he pulled his own DNA sample. He sighed.

“I… Rose,” he said, broken. Evelyn understood. He didn’t have anything with her DNA to compare.

“Just see what that says, first,” she offered, trying to nudge her father toward the machinery that would detect their bloodline. He sighed.

This was ludicrous. It was insane. He felt like an absolute idiot dropping this teenage girl’s blood down the tube, followed by his own. His brain just kept denying what his hearts already knew, until the results appeared on the screen.

She was his daughter.

He turned to her instantly, his mind reeling. She smiled at him, shrugging.

“Told ya,” she said.

He hugged her.

His daughter.

His and Rose Tyler’s.

His brain finally shut off and he acted from his hearts. He pulled back and looked at her with wide eyes, shaking his head.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said, suddenly panicked. Evelyn looked at the ground.

“I know. You’re probably cursing the stars back home right now,” she whispered.

“So we’re… together? You and I? Which means…. Rose… she comes back?” he asked her. His voice was so hopeful and Evelyn groaned.

STOP. TALKING. EVELYN. She scolded herself.

“Don’t answer that,” the Doctor suddenly said, his face draining of all color. “Don’t. Don’t answer that. I…”

Evelyn saw the turmoil he was going through. She felt it through their blood bond. It brought tears to her eyes to see her father pine for her mother so openly; so desperately.

Soulmates. The Doctor and Rose were.

The Doctor’s brain was spinning.

“Dad?” Evelyn began, her eyes meeting his.

“Y-yeah?” he responded, choked up by the word and the events of the last two hours. He wanted Rose. He wanted her to meet their daughter, too.

In that moment, Evelyn felt herself begin to shake. This was spiraling out of control quickly and she needed her Dad to tell her what to do. But she was terrified; she felt her entire body crumble as she started to cry, the reality of how badly she screwed this up hitting her.

Her own existence was hanging in the balance. So were her parent’s entire lives together.

All because she wanted a picture of Jackie so her mum had something to remember her by.

All because she miscalculated her jump. And landed in the most pinnacle moment of her parent’s relationship.

“I… I know what I have to do. I have to fix this, but I… I… don’t know how to do that. I’m sixteen, this is well beyond what you’ve been able to teach me so far and... “ she trailed off, her face buried in her hands by the end.

“Evelyn,” he said seriously. “Timelines change all the time. Did… Rose, your mum, did… did she not-”

Evelyn shook her head. He understood. Before, she never fell into the void. Pete never came back. They were never separated.

He never felt this agonizing pain.

His breath quickened and he began to pace back and forth.

“Have we discussed fixed points in time?” he asked quickly. Evelyn nodded.

“Yeah. You said there are moments that cement timelines; a new piece of information or a shift in events. Changing those things disrupts the timeline they are in.” She responded. The Doctor grinned at her.

“Exactly. Clearly, something disrupted a fixed point today. Rose fell in, but all we need to do is create a new fixed point. If we do that, we can get her back,” he felt his hearts throbbing in his chest as he spoke, daring himself to see hope in the eyes of his sixteen year old daughter. She was here; she was real; which meant Rose once again defied the odds.

“I don’t know what in this situation is a fixed point and what isn’t,” Evelyn admitted, tears streaming down her face again. “I mean… I know some of them. But I’m so terrified I’m going to lose both of you because I mess one up again.”

The Doctor stopped and watched as Evelyn sobbed. He hugged her, his arms holding her and trying to convince her she would be safe, when suddenly their minds connected. Evelyn forgot to put up her defenses in the middle of all the tears, and the Doctor pulled away.

He didn’t stay long enough to see memories, but he could feel her sadness and fear. And it echoed his. Time Lord thing.

“Not possible,” he whispered.

“See?!” Evelyn cried. “How do I know that because that just happened I don’t mess up the first time we think the same thought later! It’s too much, it’s too hard!”

The Doctor saw the weight of the universe land on his daughter’s shoulders, and he stiffened. They had a Time Lord bond… He felt a new wave of composure wash over him. He would stop this. He would fix this. There was a future where he got to be with Rose and this perfect blend of the two of them, and he was not about to lose that.

“Evelyn, stop. Please,” He said, placing his hands on her shoulders. His eyes met hers and he smiled, and Evelyn noticed the lack of wrinkles around his eyes like she was used to. “Don’t worry about that.”

She bit her lip.

“No, seriously. Don’t. As long as you don’t tell me specifics about your childhood, I will still experience them as if they are the very first time. So will Rose. So will you. The only thing we need to worry about is undoing what happened today. Getting her back,” he said. His eyes were kind for the first time since they met, and she felt her stomach settle. These were the eyes of her father. The eyes that knew what to do.

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. That makes sense.”

“Good,” he said, smiling at her. “Come on, do you like chips? Your mum-”

“Loves chips, yeah,” Evelyn said, smiling. “I do. Love ‘em, too.”

The Doctor rambled on about how excited he was to meet her and how it’s going to make the moment he finds out she’s on the way even more exciting, now that he knew how wonderful she was. He placed some heated chips from the TARDIS kitchen in front of her and Evelyn smiled as she took a bite. He felt his breath hitch. SO much like Rose, she was.

“So… meeting me, it won’t change when Mum tells you about me for the first time?” she asked. The Doctor grinned so wide it looked like his mouth would fly away.

“Not at all. Not even a little bit. I’ll be even more excited,” he said seriously, stealing a chip from her plate.

Evelyn almost said something about how happy that made her, because her mum was probably so worried about not being able to tell him she was expecting at this exact moment, but she caught herself. That would disrupt the fixed point her parents adore so much. The moment her mother told him and her father kissed her belly and began to speak to her in Gallfriean. She rolled her eyes to herself as she ate her chips, wondering if other children know these kinds of details about their parents. Time Lord Thing.

They finished their chips and Evelyn yawned. The Doctor smiled.

“Past your bedtime?” he asked. Evelyn suppressed a snort very much like the ones her mother would give him.

“I’m sixteen, Dad. No more bedtimes. Plus, time is relative. What even is a bedtime?” she asked; a twinkle in her eye. He didn’t ask her this, but he suspected that was something he taught her. He also knew it probably drove Rose mad when their daughter was younger. “But… um… well, there’s a fixed point I know is supposed to happen soon, and…” she trailed off, looking at her father. He nodded.

He didn’t ask what it was. She didn’t tell him. But she knew one thing about time - it was relative. Which means they needed to get Rose back before she gave birth as soon as possible.

“We don’t have much time,” he said. Evelyn nodded.

“Does time move faster in parallel universes?” she asked carefully, afraid to reveal something she shouldn’t. Her father shrugged.

“Not sure. Depends on the universe. Where Rose is… it should be about the same, but we don’t want to risk that, it seems,” he said, “Alright. Drink something. Water, tea, whatever. Then we get to work. Allons-y Evelyn Tyler!”

Evelyn smiled. There was her father.

They exited the TARDIS and examined the floor at Canary Wharf that Rose disappeared from. The Doctor was desperately looking for a rift; something they might be able to cross into, pull Rose from, and bring her back. He was rambling to Evelyn about how the seal might not be completely closed now that she was here, too, but the longer they searched the more resigned they both came to the result that there was nothing they could do here.

“Do we… go back? Warn her?” Evelyn asked. “Tell her not to look up, to hold on, to ignore me?”

The Doctor frowned. “Is that what happened?” he asked, softly. Evelyn’s eyes widened. This was most definitely not a fixed point, she could feel that, since they were trying to undo this current state of events. She sighed, swallowing her tears.

“Yes. I… I used this,” she said, pulling the necklace out from around her neck. “I was trying to visit during Christmas, and was going to sneak a picture of Jackie for Mum. That part is the same in the future; Jackie and Pete living far away… I dunno, Mum has nothing’ to remember her Mum by and I just… she’s been really sad about it lately...” she broke off. She almost said too much again.

Because she knew a little secret. That Rose Tyler was pregnant again in her current timeline with her future baby brother. She was just three months, not even showing, but her hormones had been causing her lots of crying.

And her brother’s life depended on this undoing itself as well.

Don’t tell him that! Evelyn scolded herself.

The Doctor was still frowning, and he gently took the necklace from Evelyn’s hand; examining it. It was poorly made, complete rubbish in fact, but he could see that his daughter just wanted to do something nice for her mother. And he couldn’t be mad at her for that. Even though there was a gaping, visceral pain in his chest from being separated from Rose. Even though Evelyn could have been torn apart molecularly from this crapshoot of a time device.

Instead, he sighed and wrapped her in a hug as she began to cry into his lapel.

“Shhhh,” he said. He was surprised at how quickly his paternal instincts kicked in, and hoped that this confidence would last when she was baby again. He clenched his jaw; that would only happen if they succeeded. “That was… very Rose of you,” he whispered. She smiled. She wouldn’t tell him this, but those words were said to her often, especially as she got older.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” she whispered. “I know we’re doing what we can to change it back, but I just… I’m sorry.”

“I know. And to answer your question… no. We can’t go back and warn her. She’ll be too worried about it the entire battle and there are certain things… certain timelines that we need in tact,” he said, his mind drifting to the soar of his heart when he realized she truly meant forever with him. The look on Rose’s face when he let her stay. He needed those.

“So… what do we do?”

“There may not be a rift here, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one somewhere,” the Doctor answered. “Specifically one place, I just… need to know where....”

They walked back to the TARDIS, the Doctor asking Evelyn all about her favorite things. She was quite hesitant to answer him, but did after his assurance it wouldn’t affect anything.

Chips.

Mint Ice Cream.

Action Packed Sci-Fi Movies

Her parents.

His smile was wide as can be when she said the last one. She looked at him very seriously, “I would literally do anything for both of you.”

“I have a very strong suspicion that feeling is mutual, Evelyn Tyler,” he said.

She nodded, taking a deep breath.

Her phone rang. She forgot she had that. Soniced with a signal ready to cross universes. And Timelines.

It was him. Future him.

She looked up and he raised his eyebrows - this ball was completely in her court. He was not about to get in the way of himself. He knew better.

Evelyn groaned and picked up the phone.

“Hi, Dad!” she said, a little over-excitedly. She glanced at her younger father who was rocking on the balls and toes of his feet, looking up and trying to focus on the ceiling tiles above the TARDIS.

“Evelyn!” she heard him say. “Where are you?! We went to wake you up and -”

“I’m okay, Dad. I’m so sorry… I…” She glanced over at the version of her father with her now, and he nodded. It would be okay.

“I’m actually with you. A younger you. Seventeen years ago younger,” she said.

The line was silent for a moment.

“Evelyn?” her father’s voice eventually asked, dark and heavy, “How did you get there?”

She bit her lip but told him everything, hoping the father she grew up with would be as forgiving as the one she just met. She heard him sigh.

“Can I talk to him?” her father asked. Evelyn bit her lip.

“Is that…. safe?” she began.

“I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t, just let me talk to him,” her father snapped, a little harsher than he meant it to, “I’m sorry. Your mother is still here. So, clearly we haven’t messed things up too badly yet.”

“She’s there?” Evelyn asked, her breath escaping her. Tears fell from her eyes and she saw her younger father’s eyes snap to her. His hearts were pounding. He took the phone from Evelyn as she tried to compose herself, his mind thinking the same thing his older self was.

“Hi,” he said seriously, wrapping an arm around Evelyn.

“She’s okay?” the older version asked himself, referring to Evelyn.

“Yes. She’s okay?” the younger version asked, referring to Rose.

“Yes,” he replied.

The younger Doctor let out a sigh. So did the older one. Then they started laughing like old chums. These women were going to be the death of them. Their impossible humans.

“There is a rift open now. I can feel it, I figured since Evelyn is here that -”

“Yes, yes. You need to find it. We’ll go back and try to grab Rose’s younger self before Pete does -”

“Right! Yes! Brilliant, then we can meet at the rift-”

“Yes exactly, and close it. Rose and Evelyn will switch -”

“Can never stay put, it seems -”

“Right!”

They were laughing, currently finding this entire situation hilarious. They had a plan, and they knew the plan would work. They just couldn’t fudge the timelines anymore than they already were. If they did, future Rose would disappear along with Evelyn. Suddenly, the younger Doctor’s face fell as a voice he didn’t expect to hear came ringing in his ears.

“Doctor.”

It was Rose. She had taken the phone from her husband and sounded very, very serious, clearly miffed that they were laughing about this situation.

“Hi,” he managed to squeak out. He missed her, he yearned for her. Hearing her voice made him want to run into the TARDIS and go find her. Now.

“Don’t let her out of your sight?” she asked. The Doctor’s eyes darted to Evelyn, who had managed to calm herself down a little.

“Not for a moment. Not till she’s with both of you,” he said very seriously. He would have his future with them, he could practically taste it.

“Thank you,” she said, “can you hand her the phone?”

The Doctor wanted to say so much more, but he could tell even through the phone that Rose was holding back. Most likely trying to keep some sort of timeline intact for them. But Rassalion, how we wanted to say three words to her he should have said ages back.

“Y-Yes. Rose?” he said, a little more desperate than he meant it to.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“See you soon,” he said, smiling. He could hear her grin through the phone, too.

“Not if I see you first,” she said, and his hearts soared, remembering the first time she’d said those words.

He suspected then, remembering the events that transpired after Krop Tor, that his current Rose may already be pregnant with this very lovely teenage girl sitting behind him as he handed her the phone. And he was giddy. And he suspected Evelyn knew this, and that the fixed point she was referring to was her birth. But he would never ask. He didn’t want to know now. He wanted that future memory intact.

Rose told Evelyn she loved her and to stay safe. And then they hung up.

What happened next happened quickly. The Doctor and Evelyn entered the Vortex, scanning and trying desperately to find the remaining rift.

The Doctor and Rose went back in time and waited. The TARDIS had a few upgrades in seventeen years, and luckily wouldn’t be able to be pulled into the Void. So, when Rose let go, the Doctor watched himself open the door to the TARDIS that suddenly appeared, wink at him, and pull Rose to safety. Then, they too entered the Vortex.

Normally, crossing his own timeline was a major risk, but the Doctor with Evelyn suddenly felt his brain swish, and a new memory was there. Rose was safe. It worked. There was suddenly a beautiful blend of the timeline in the Doctor’s head as his time stream now became the events of the last few hours. Meeting his daughter and working with her to get her mother back.

Not bad for a day in the life of a Time Lord.

He began to cry from happiness. For once the universe seemed to be on his side. Just then, the TARDIS located the final rift. A beach in Norway. Normally, he would have to use telepathy to tell Rose and the Doctor where to meet them, but Evelyn was a teenager from the future and he was able to borrow her cell phone. Human thing.

Evelyn got an idea. Her father told her what to do.

They all arrived at the rift at the same time. Both sets of the Doctor and Rose smiled when they realized where they were. Bad Wolf Bay. Of course.

Two perfect blue TARDIS’s, one slightly more dinged up than the other, materialized across from each other. The doors swung open, and Evelyn and a younger Rose both ran out. When they saw each other, it took both of their breath away.

Her daughter was four years younger than this current version of herself, and she looked back at her older self in shock. Rose nodded, smiling, and blew her younger self a kiss. She couldn’t touch her (she remembered the last time she touched her younger self), and the last thing they needed was a paradox, but Rose received the message. It’s going to be amazing.

It really was boggling all of their minds. They were practically twins, 20 year old Rose and her daughter. Except her eyes, which were very clearly the eyes of her favorite Time Lord.

They didn’t speak to each other, and also couldn’t touch, seeing as baby Evelyn was technically here, too. Rose absent-mindedly touched her belly. The Doctor, her Doctor, appeared in the doorway and saw, and his face broke out into a brilliant, brilliant smile. She was home.

She ran, as Evelyn watched in tears, at the perfect reunion of her parents. Her younger, more carefree, head over heels with a baby on the way in love parents. They kissed, he spun her around, and told her those three words he desperately needed to say. She said them back. He spoke to her belly. Evelyn felt her heart soar.

Suddenly, she felt two sets of arms crash into her.

Her parents.

Her older, still mostly carefree, head over heels with a baby on the way in love parents.

She sobbed. They sobbed. It felt like a blur in her mind.

“What were you thinking?!” Rose sighed, cupping her daughter’s face in her hands. “We got so lucky, Ev. But you don’t ever, ever, do that again, do you understand?”

Evelyn nodded. She wrapped her parents in a hug. The Doctor kissed her cheek, and looked over at his younger self with pride. This is what they created. This family.

There was an understanding between them as the younger Doctor held Rose to him; Evelyn no larger than a pea in her belly, and his older self, hugging his nearly full grown version of that same pea sized girl. Time was relative. It was pliable. It was fragile. And this - this incredible and unlikely turn of events, was nothing short of a miracle. And it was something they would all fight tooth and claw for for centuries to come.

Not that the younger Doctor or Rose knew that. But they would soon find out.

The Doctor kissed Rose, smiling into her lips, and walked over to his future family, his eyes asking silent permission from his future self and Rose to do one final thing before he left. They smiled, stepping back, as the Doctor hugged Evelyn.

“See you soon,” he whispered. She hugged him tightly, tears streaming down her cheeks as he pulled away.

“The one adventure I can never have, isn’t that what we said?” he asked himself, who grinned.

“Just you wait,” he replied.

The Doctor turned around and closed the door to the TARDIS, his life with Rose beginning.

The other Doctor sighed, wrapping his two favorite beings in the entire universe in his arms and holding them a little closer than he normally did.

I have a surprise for Mum. Evelyn thought. Only the Doctor heard the message and he nodded.

I remember. He said.

Five minutes. Evelyn promised.

Sure enough, five minutes later, they walked into the TARDIS and began to burn up a nearby sun to close the rift. Evelyn bit her lip as she pressed a button on the TARDIS and told her Mum to stand on a very specific spot on the grating. She did.

And when she looked up, she saw her mum. Jackie Tyler.

She was frozen; completely shocked. She looked over at Evelyn who made a gesture with her hands telling her to talk.

“Mum,” Rose said, her tears escaping their homes like wild waters.

“Sweetheart!” she said, “I love you! Where are you?”

“On the TARDIS. I love you, too, Mum. I - I’ve been wanting to tell you that for so long,” she said through her tears. Jackie smiled.

“How long has it been, love?” she asked.

Rose brought the Doctor and Evelyn onto the grating with her, showing them off. Silently showing her it had been quite a while in her timeline.

“Hello Jackie,” the Doctor said, smiling.

“You’re still around, then?” Jackie asked, half joking. He rolled his eyes and smiled, “Who is this?”

“I’m Evelyn. I’m your granddaughter.” She said, gripping her mother’s hand and she supported herself against her husband’s chest. The Doctor kissed Rose’s forehead, and he could feel her relief in her mind. This was better than a picture.

“Well. How bout that,” Jackie said, smiling. It was sad, but it’s also exactly what they both needed. Closure. They had about a minute left, and Rose told her Mum she was expecting another little one soon, and Jackie told her they were doing well in the parallel world. They had Tony, but she missed Rose more than words could describe. Rose said she felt the same, but she was glad they were happy. They said they loved each other again, and then it was over.

The sun was gone.

Rose collapsed on the grate as the Doctor held her, kissing her forehead again and whispering his love to her. Evelyn stood terrified. This backfired, this was not what was supposed to happen. It was supposed to make her happy. She was crying, blaming herself for this, when Rose looked up at her.

“Ev,” she said, smiling, “thank you.”

“W-what?” she asked, kneeling next to mother as she leaned against her father, “You aren’t…. mad?”

“Mad?” Rose asked, smiling brilliantly at her, “That was…the greatest gift. Getting to talk to her. To tell her a proper goodbye. I can’t tell you how much that’s weighed on me,” she whispered, pulling her daughter in for a hug. The Doctor smiled to himself.

“I love you, Mum,” Evelyn whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around her. “Dad. I love you,” She added as he put his arms on top of theirs. They stayed like this for a moment.

Turns out, she had helped after all.

The Doctor stepped back and smiled at them. Then held his hand out and helped Rose up, kissing her. He helped Evelyn up next, and she gave him a puzzled look when he kept his hand out after she was standing.

“Necklace, young lady,” he said. Evelyn smirked.

“Good idea,” she said, handing it to him. They approached the control panel as the Doctor tucked the Time Jumper in his pocket, and grinned wildly at each other.

“Allons-y!” they all shouted as the Doctor hit the lever to their next surprise destination. Time Lord Thing.

[dickgrcyscns]

Coney Island

Coney Island, Steve Rogers. A one shot based off of Coney Island by Taylor Swift. Written in a females perspective, I’m sorry loves. (Also, I literally hate Steve’s ending in endgame but it provides me with a lot of angst so 🤠). (Also, also, this is highly unedited pls dont come for me I know it’s bad).

Summary: In which you and Steve always skirted around your feelings for one another, one day, it was too late for the both of you. 

Set During: Pre and Post-Endgame

Word Count: 1257 words

Gif used is not mine!

Over and over Lost again with no surprises Disappointments, close your eyes And it gets colder and colder When the sun goes down

There were many things to love about Steve Rogers: he was kind and forgiving. You noticed that the first time you met him at the Avengers tower. He helped you pick up papers that were pushed out of your hands by an intern working for Stark. It was cliche to say, but that was when you started to fall for him. You knew who he was, there wasn’t a person that walked on this earth that didn’t. And that meant you knew that he was a man out of time. A man not meant to be there. A man that would never truly be yours. But you fell for him regardless, your heart slowly became his. In some ways, his heart became yours as well. 

Leaning on the doorway to the room he had taken up in the Avengers tower after the battle in Wakanda, a small smile rested on your lips. You tried your hardest to show him something during this time, to try and make him feel better. But you had both lost your friends, people you cared about. The two of you were grieving and in different ways. “Steve.”

“Yeah,” his words were short, tone hitting the bottom of your heart.

“I’m about to make breakfast,” you looked down at your hands. “Do you, uh, want anything?”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay,” you turned around, only to look back at him for a moment, “and Steve, if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m just down the hall.”

“I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m fine.”

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line by the gold clock Did I leave you hanging every single day?

Steve slowly began to seclude himself as the years past you guys by, he was losing hope in getting everyone back. You would try to talk to him, try to get him to do things with everyone that was still there, but he had made himself more comfortable alone over anything else. It shattered you to see him that way, speaking to people only when necessary. He wasn’t the man you had fallen in love with. Not at all. And it killed you to watch him not even bat you an eye. 

You tried your hardest to talk to him, to get him to spend time with you. Trying to give him a person to vent to, a person who was there for him. You always vowed to be that person. But he shrugged you away for five years, wanting nothing to do with you. So, you found yourself retreating. Grieving your friends that you lost as well as a man who was still living. Someone who was only doors down from you. Someone who used to wrap you in his arms, tell you everything was going to be fine while placing kisses on your face. A man who used to say he loved you. 

A man who now stared at a picture within a compass, remembering a past love of his constantly. While you sat out in the field, looking up at the stars like you used to do

Were you standing in the hallway With a big cake, happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?

When everyone figured out how to time travel due to Scott, Steve found a sense of purpose again. He refused to meet your eye, but you saw his face change. You saw the hope glimmer in his eyes again. You saw it all. It was something you had tried to get him to feel for a while. Smiling sadly to yourself, you turned on your heel. At least he had hope. 

You all did. 

This was the closest you had come to bringing them all back. All of your friends that you had lost, reuniting families and friends who had lost each other. Bringing back the people this world so suddenly lost. But you knew Steve was excited for another reason. 

He had always been the man in the wrong time. The ability to travel time gave him an opportunity no one could deny. He could get his greatest gift, a life with Peggy. The woman he was always in love with. Because it was never you. 

A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face

Fighting was never easy, fighting an alien army was even harder. You felt unprepared for what was coming, that the fight was unbalanced. There was no hope for a moment, that was before the portals opened. Scattered with bumps and bruises, you turned to smile at Steve as your friends began to come out of them. He smiled back, falling to his knees as Sam and Bucky both came out of them. They were okay, everyone was okay. 

“Avengers,” Steve smiled. “Assemble.”

And that you did. You pushed on despite every part of your body telling you it was done. Your body was in pain when you turned to look at Tony, his suit now holding onto the stones. Panic ran through you, you knew what this meant. You got everyone back but at what cost? Losing Nat and Tony. 

You only caught his last statement, “And I am Iron Man.” Before he snapped his fingers. Eyes watching as the alien army began to turn to dust, including Thanos himself. A sob left your lips as you watched Tony collapse. 

This was it. This was what war did to people. 

But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name

In all fairness, you knew this was your last time seeing Steve like this. You knew you were losing the man you had fallen in love with. He didn't say anything about it, but what did he need to say? He was in love with Peggy Carter and wanted to take the chance to be with her. Well, that would have been a start, but it wouldn’t have made it any easier to watch him leave. Tears formed in your eye, Bucky’s arm draped across your shoulder. The both of you knew what was coming, you could read it in his eyes, he was going back to the time he belonged in. 

“I’m gonna miss you buddy,” Bucky said with a sad smile, looking at his friend. 

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” 

“Good luck, Steve,” You smiled at him for what would be the last time. You had to take the chance to tell him how you felt right then, if you didn’t, you were sure that you would have beaten yourself up about it. “I love you.”

I'm on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go?

I was quiet when you returned to that same bench he had met Sam on, he was much older and had lived an epic life full of love. But that didn’t mean you felt any better about it. In fact, you had been left alone to mend your broken heart. And sometimes you sat there, staring out on the water wondering what brought you to falling for him. What was it about him that you just couldn't let go?

Maybe you would never have an answer. But maybe that's okay to not have one. 

[tabbytabbytabby]

S. “How are you feeling today?” Buck and Eddie please.

Got this one twice so I’m combining them, along with a prompt a Buddie sick fic that fit this. Thanks for the prompts, and I hope you enjoy the fic 💜 

Also on AO3

-

It's been a rough few days. Buck came down with a cold and has spent most of the time confined to the bed in the guestroom at Eddie's, where the man in question had insisted he stay. The furthest he's made it is to walk around the room or to the bathroom. One time he'd almost made it to the kitchen to grab a water before Eddie spotted him and ushered him off to bed and got the water for him.

It would be sweet that Eddie cares so much. But Buck has been bored out of his mind on top of feeling like shit. There's only so much Netflix he can watch. And it's kind of isolating listening to Eddie and Christopher laugh in the other room while he's confined to bed. 

He can't blame them, of course. He'd rather them be safely away than sick themselves, but he still misses them. Or well, Christopher mostly. Because he still sees Eddie when he comes to check in. And he does it often. Constantly checking his temperature and making sure he has plenty of water, and he's eating enough, and that he's comfortable. 

If Buck were a lesser man, he could use this to his advantage. He has a feeling Eddie would get him anything he asked for. But he's not going to do that. 

Plus, he's just too tired to get any joy out of it. Buck sighs and reaches for the bottle of cold medicine on the bedside table. He's sure it's time for it. The last time he took it was around breakfast. Maybe. Either way, his throat is aching, so that's enough for him. He sits up enough to pour some in the little cup and downs it in one go. He makes a face at the taste of cherry on his tongue and recaps the bottle. 

Yeah, he'll be a lot happier when he doesn't have to take that shit anymore.

He lays back against the pillows and closes his eyes. Maybe he'll just take another nap to pass the time. It's not like there's anything else to do. 

The next time Buck opens his eyes, it's to see Eddie standing above him. The sun is starting to set outside, casting a faint glow over Eddie. He looks gorgeous in this light, or any light, really. 

"How are you feeling today?" Eddie asks him. He places the back of his hand on Buck's forehead and nods. "You don't feel as warm, so I think your fever has broken. I'll still get the thermometer to check."

"I'm feeling better," Buck says. He smiles up at Eddie, who seems to sway slightly. Maybe he'd taken too much of the cold medicine. Or maybe not. Maybe Eddie's just coming closer. He likes when Eddie is close. "Eddie."

"Yeah?" Eddie questions. The hand he had on Buck's forehead moves down to his cheek, and Buck sighs and turns his face further into it. "Buck?"

"I like when you're here," Buck says. Because he does. Eddie being here makes him happy. Eddie makes him happy. Does Eddie know that? He should know that. "You're sunshine."

Eddie's eyebrows shoot up, "Is that so?"

Buck nods, "Yeah. You're like, the sun coming out on a bad day. You make everything better. Make me better."

Eddie smiles and glances towards the bedside table before looking back at Buck. "How much medicine did you take today?"

Buck shrugs, "Dunno. Enough."

"Clearly," Eddie laughs. "I think you're a little loopy."

Buck grins, "Loopy for you."

He grabs Eddie by the arm and tugs, causing this to stumble and half fall on the bed. He looks down at Buck with a raised eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

"I've missed being close to you," Buck says. "I don't like when you're not around."

Eddie smiles, and yeah, he really is like sunshine when he smiles. Buck tells him as much, and Eddie casts his eyes down, his smile turning shy, almost uncertain.

"You," Buck sighs and pats his cheek. "You light up my life, Eddie."

"Buck, you really shouldn't be saying these things," Eddie says. 

Buck frowns, "Why not? I mean them, and you need to know. You have to know how important you are. You're the most important. You're my universe."

"Buck." Eddie goes to pull back, and Buck pouts, reaching out for him. Eddie shakes his head. "I should go."

Buck whines, panicked, "No! No, you can't leave me. Everyone always leaves. Always. But you… I want you to be the one to stay!"

Eddie puts a hand on Buck's shoulder and meets his gaze, "I'm not leaving you, okay? I'll just be in the other room. But then I'll be back. I just… you're sick, and I'm pretty sure you're high on cold medicine and don't know what you're saying. I don't want to take advantage of that. I won't."

"I mean all of it," Buck says. Why can't Eddie understand? He needs him to understand. "I do. Eddie…"

"Then tell me when you're better," Eddie cuts in.

Buck frowns, "You don't want to hear it."

"Hey, Buck, I want to hear whatever you have to say," Eddie says. "When I know it's what you want to say when you're 100 percent, okay?"

Buck nods, "Okay."

Eddie smiles and squeezes his shoulder, "Okay. Now Christopher helped me make some soup. You feeling up to eating?"

Buck's stomach chooses that moment to give a well-timed rumble, and Eddie chuckles. "I guess so."

Buck smiles sheepishly, "Yeah, I could eat."

"That's already an improvement," Eddie says. His hand drops from Buck's shoulder, and Buck tries not to mourn the loss of contact as Eddie gets to his feet. "I'll be back with the soup."

"And the thermometer first," Buck says. Because he's going to prove to Eddie he's on the mend.

Eddie points a finger at him, "Yes, the thermometer. Soup and temp check, got it."

"Hey, Eddie," Buck calls after him. 

Eddie pokes his head back around the door, "Yeah?"

There are so many things Buck wants to say.

I meant everything I said. 

You're important. 

I wish you would stay.

I love you. 

But instead, what comes out of his mouth is, "Water?"

"Yeah, of course," Eddie smiles. He watches Buck for another long few seconds, and then he's disappearing. 

Buck sighs and closes his eyes. He's not too out of it to not know what he's saying. And he'll show Eddie that. When he's better.

***

When Buck wakes, it's to darkness. It's the first time he's woken in days and not felt exhausted or congested. It's like his body is finally remembering how to work properly again. 

The only problem is, his mouth feels dry and gross. He looks to the bedside table only to find an empty glass. He checks his phone to see it's almost 2 a.m.

No way is Eddie still up, which means he's in the clear to slip into the kitchen and get his own water. He's quiet as he pads down the hall to the kitchen and then as he grabs the pitcher of water from the fridge and pours a glass. He downs the whole thing quickly and then pours another.

Or helps a little, but his mouth still feels gross. He really needs to brush his teeth. He bites his lip and looks at the bathroom. It's right next to Eddie's room and would be a risk. 

But well worth it if it helps him start to feel more like a human again. 

And it does. Except once he's in the bathroom, he starts looking at the shower and can't help but think of how good it would be to feel some cool water on his skin and wash the grime of sickness away. 

So that's what he does. He doesn't let himself overthink it. He's a grown man. He's entitled to a shower.

He quickly sheds his clothes and turns the water on to the right temperature, and steps inside. It's a welcome relief when the water hits his skin. He stands there for a few long moments, just let it wash over him. Then he reaches for the shampoo, Eddie's shampoo, and pours some onto his hand before working it into his hair. 

He tries not to think of how he will smell like Eddie, especially after using his body wash. Even if it is a nice smell. A very nice smell.

That thought leads to other thoughts that he should not be having about his best friend in the shower. 

It's not until he's stepping out of the shower that he realizes he forgot to grab clean clothes. He looks down at his pile of dirty clothes in the hamper by the door and wrinkles his nose. No way is he putting those back on. He'll just have to get dressed in his room. 

It's a good plan. It's not as if anyone else is awake anyway. He steps out into the hall and turns the light off behind him.

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

Buck jumps and barely fights back a scream at the sound of Eddie's voice. He's leaning against the door to his bedroom, watching him.

Buck swallows and nods, "I'm a grown man, and I'm allowed to shower."

That hadn't been what Buck had meant to say, but it's the truth. Eddie's lips quirk up into a smile. "Of course you are."

"Sorry, it's just, you've accosted me every other time I've left the room and…"

"Because I've been worried," Eddie says. "I don't like seeing you unwell."

"I'm feeling better now," Buck says.

Eddie's eyes rake over him, and he clears his throat, averting his gaze. "I'm glad."

"Eddie?"

"Get dressed, Buck," Eddie says. "Get some more rest, and we can talk in the…"

Buck shakes his head, "I'm rested. I'm clear-headed. We can talk now." Unless… maybe there's a reason Eddie is hesitating. "Unless you don't want to."

"I do," Eddie says. He looks pointedly down at where Buck's hand is still gripping the towel at his waist. "But maybe you should have a little more on."

Buck can't bring himself to be embarrassed. If he were still Buck 1.0, he would smirk and tell Eddie that maybe he should help him take the rest off. But he's not that guy, and this is Eddie. This is too important. 

Buck nods and grips the towel tighter. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be waiting," Eddie tells him.

The implications of what exactly that means hit Buck as he's getting dressed. They're actually going to talk about this thing between them. Buck always assumed he'd be scared if and when the time ever came. But he's not. It's well past time for this discussion.

As he walks down the hall, he feels ready. Up until he steps into Eddie's room, where he's sitting on the side of his bed, waiting. Buck's stomach is full of nervous butterflies as he slowly approaches the bed. 

He sits down next to Eddie and turns to face him. Now that he's here, he's not sure what he's supposed to say. How can he possibly put into words all the things he feels for Eddie?

"Hi," he whispers. 

"Hi." Eddie smiles, and some of the tension Buck's been feeling eases. His smile really is like sunshine in the darkness. 

Buck reaches out and brushes his fingers across Eddie's cheek right where it dimples. "I love when you smile."

"Are you sure you're not still loopy on couch medicine?" Eddie asks. His tone is teasing, but Buck can see the hesitation there. 

Buck can't have that. He doesn't want Eddie to doubt any part of this.

"I'm good," Buck says. "I'm clear-headed and know exactly what I'm saying. And I remember what I told you before."

"Oh?"

Buck's hands frame Eddie's face, "Yes, and every word was true. You make my life better just by being in it. Both you and Christopher, you're my world."

"I believe you said universe," Eddie says.

Buck chuckles, "Yeah, that says it better."

"Big words," Eddie says.

"I mean them," Buck says. His thumbs caress Eddie's cheeks, and he smiles. "I love you."

The words are out there now. There's no taking them. Not that he'd ever want to. 

Especially not with the way Eddie's smile grows before he leans in and kisses him. It's not much of a kiss at first, both of them smiling too wide. 

"I love you," Eddie murmurs against his lips. 

And what choice does Buck have but to pull him in for a proper kiss? One that makes him feel like he can finally breathe again after years of holding his breath, waiting, wondering. He doesn't have to wonder anymore. Neither of them does.

Send me a prompt

[bbrandy2002]

The Arms Of A Woman

burnsoslow said:

Dear TBFF, I'm requesting a My Love one-shot with Ellie screaming for Drake while he talks to his beautiful girlfriend, and then him hanging up to call her back on Facetime ... and other details. 😍😍😍😍😍

I don’t even have words for what I just wrote. You asked for a simple request a week and a half ago and it blew up into this monstrosity of 8225 words. 

Pairing: Drake x OC (Alyssa)

_____________________________________________

He was Liam's best man.

She was Riley's matron of honor.

Drake first laid his eyes on Alyssa at the wedding rehearsal, but couldn't meet hers. The petite brunette with the brightest blues flashed a dimpled smile at him when they were formally introduced. He swore her face was glowing. It was as if the sun itself shone directly on her at that moment. If beauty could be adequately defined, this woman was the epitome of Drake's definition. 

She wasn't noble. She wasn't from a wealthy, pretentious family. She wasn't even from Cordonia. She was the opposite of every woman he had become accustomed to knowing. Simple, upbeat, and not fake, all of which was an instant attraction to her. Having spent the entire week getting to know each other, she made him feel more carefree than he had been since childhood. He smiled more with her and because of her, and yet still, he considered her out of his league.

Drake tried to shake away the connection he felt with her. He was whiskey and beer, where he saw Alyssa as a fine wine that deserved to be savored by the most delicate lips. A woman like that would never want someone like him. 

She asked him to dance with her at the reception with that sweet voice that penetrated his heart. Fuck if he didn't want to with everything in him, but -- it was her. It was her. What if he mis-stepped or was out of rhythm or made her embarrassed with just how inept on his feet he truly was? 

What if he wrapped his arms around her and couldn't let go? 

What if he never wanted to?

Drake's heart skipped a beat when she grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. 

Her skin was soft and smooth. 

His was worn and rough.

The young Walker tried to resist, but the urge to touch her was too powerful. He had to know what her body felt like pressed against his. 

She seemed to want the same thing. 

Alyssa's feet glided gracefully, and her tiny little form fit perfectly in his arms. Her eyes flitted when she laughed. And her nose wrinkled when he said something funny. 

Her lush brown hair smelled of raspberries and mint. 

The same scent that would remain on the pillow next to his for weeks.

She took his heart with her when she returned to New York the next day, but didn't know it. Was it possible for this woman to fully grasp what she did to him?

Drake and Alyssa would come face to face again one year later at Riley's funeral. If either of them ever needed someone to take the grief away, this was the time. Neither one spoke as they commiserated over a cheap whiskey bottle in his room and collapsed into each other's arms. There were no words that could be spoken to take the pain of losing their best friend. 

Comfort would come in the form of insobriety, and his lips brushing over hers as both of their tears meshed together. 

Drake took her as his that night for only the second time. 

Their bodies cried out to one another as if the other held all the power in the universe to mend a broken heart. To chase all the pain away.

And as if a gust of wind swept through Drake's room that morning and carried her away, she was gone again. No goodbye, no note, no fuck you -- just nothing.

But Drake learned something about Alyssa that night: She may be a rare vintage, but she was all whiskey. 

His whiskey.

The only brand he ever wanted to thirst for again. 

He needed his hands on that bottle and the taste of its liquid on his tongue. 

It drove him insane that she was no longer there to quench his thirst. To make him laugh again and feel like a lovesick fool. He hated the feeling, but at the same time, he had never felt like that with anyone else. Perhaps that's how he knew she was real.

That what he felt was real.

Drake stood in front of his mirror each morning, glaring back at the reflection of a man who had a craving so intense for a woman that his body shook and his heart bled with want. 

Who the fuck was he kidding, though? He was Drake Walker. Just a simple commoner lost in a sea of glitz and glamour, gold and filigree. He never belonged in that world and never would. Except for Liam and Maxwell, no one wanted him there. Hell, even his own mother and sister, left him. 

As the days turned into weeks, then weeks into months, he couldn't help but believe Alyssa Claire Devereaux would do the same given a chance. Fucking forget her Walker, she will never want you the way you want her. She's gone! And even if she comes back, she'll just leave … they always fucking leave. Forget her. YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

That's what he did … forgot. It was so much easier to conceal his heart in a hard shell and protect it from the hurt everyone inevitably caused him than to let it consume him. Besides, he had to take care of Liam and Ellie. They needed him more than he needed to think about his own affliction. 

But, God, that woman was hard to forget.

Drake moved out of the palace shortly after Riley returned for good. It relieved him that one of his closest friends was back, but he needed to get out from under Liam's wing. Drake wanted to be his own man in the quiet solitude that his dad's old cabin in the woods provided. It was everything he ever wanted, and yet somehow, there was still something missing.

Drake spent months upgrading the cabin to become more habitable for himself, but also hoped he would one day be able to share it with someone special. He felt kind of silly fixing this old lakeside cabin up. Not that it didn't need it. The log home had certainly seen better days. It was just that every nail he hammered and the walls he painted and carpeting replaced was always done for someone he knew would never see it. His heart and soul went into perfecting a home that he was sure she would never share with him.

Alyssa flew to Cordonia to visit Riley twice after she returned, and each time Drake was asked to stop by. 

He never did. 

Seeing her would only serve as a reminder of his place in this world. Not that she ever made him feel like that, but Alyssa would never … could never want him with the depth of desire and yearning he had for her. He was a man of little means and had nothing to offer her. Alyssa should have … no ...she deserved to have the best. The best wasn't something he could give her or anyone else for that matter. 

Damn it, if he didn't want to, though.

Standing on the front porch of his cabin one evening, Drake spoke on the phone with Liam, who wanted to know why he hadn't shown up for Riley's baby shower. Drake rubbed a hand over his mouth and tried to explain how busy he had been in the past few days. He hated lying to his best friend but knowing that Alyssa was there was all the excuse he needed not to attend. Besides, what the hell would he do at a baby shower? And it was the couples, second child, in one year; how many more damn things did they need?

He grazed his thumb along the smooth wood railing of his porch and tossed back another cold one; it complemented perfectly with the chilly air that stung his bare arms. 

The pain reminded him he could still feel outside his heart.

Hearing the gravel crackle in the distance, he glanced at the long winding driveway that rarely saw another vehicle aside from his old truck. Drake shielded his eyes from the bright yellow of halogen lights weaving and bobbing over the rocky terrain and coming to a dead stop behind his truck. He arched his neck and squinted to see who the hell was at his house this late in the evening. Did some dumb fuck get lost like the last two cars that stopped by?

"Is … is that Riley's car?" Drake muttered to himself. 

His heart sprang from his chest when he saw the small, curvy figure with long brown hair that he had long since memorized. Alyssa hastily stepped out of the driver's side and slammed the door. 

Drake tentatively walked off the porch and paused at the bottom of the steps, stunned to see her. 

She stood next to the car with her chest heaving, brows knitted. "Well? Say something," she demanded.

He closed his eyes and turned his head away. Looking at her was painful, and yet it was like the sun emerged from the black cloud that was his life. "What do you want me to say, Alyssa?"

"Anything! Something! I don't know! Maybe start with why the hell you've been avoiding me every time I'm here."

Drake didn't move nor speak. Fear controlled him like a rope wound so tightly around his neck; it stifled him. Why did she have to be there? 

Alyssa moved closer to him, and Drake panicked. He took a step back and held a hand up to stop her. "Don't… just fucking don't. Not this time, Alyssa. You need to get back in that car and drive your ass back to wherever you came from like you always do and never come back here again."

Her eyes welled up at his words, and her voice broke with emotions. "Why are you saying that? This has nothing to do with me, and you know --"

"IT HAS EVERY DAMN THING TO DO WITH YOU!!" He snapped. "I'm in love with you so goddamn much it hurts! I think I have since the first time I saw you, Alyssa! And … and I'm so fucking tired of not knowing what to do with that. I just … I'm just … I'm not good enough for you. And I never will. I've accepted that." 

Drake covered his eyes; he never cried in front of anyone, and he sure as hell wasn't about to break down in front of the woman he shouldn't love more than his own breath.

"Not good enough for me? NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME? Why do you think I came all the way out here tonight? I needed you to know that I love you too. So don't you dare give me that, not good enough, bullshit, Walker." Alyssa erupted into her own grievous tears and ran to Drake, enveloping him in her arms. As much as he wanted to refuse her embrace and shield himself from the eventual hurt that he had convinced himself she would cause, he couldn't do it. The truth was, he missed her.

Every good thing that he had or ever would have, he saw in her. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you."

"I know, Drake. I know."

Drake balled a fist full of her hair and slightly tipped her head back to look deeply into her eyes. "No, you don't know. I want you. I always wanted you. And damn it, I always will want you." He crashed his lips into hers with such force, with such need and unyielding fervor, it nearly took her breath away.

"I want you too, damn it. Only you," Alyssa said through their heated kiss." Just don't give up on me."

Drake broke his lips from Alyssa's, breathless and filled with hunger. "I won't. Not this time." He lifted her and wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her inside the cabin. 

Through desperate kisses and hot tears, scattered clothes, and impressed skin, he laid her down on the rug in front of the fireplace. All the pent up disappointments, the hurt, and the staggering need he mounted up over the past two years manifested itself through every passionate grip and curled tongue. He wanted to show his worth, still not believing he could be anything she needed.

Their hearts drummed to the same beat and rhythm. It matched the cadence of his thrusts and her pleasured moans.

Everything he ever wanted to say to her was told that night through his touch, taste, and sight. Drake wasn't sure she would get the message, but he damn sure would try.

And as the flicker and flames of the fire's red and orange hues danced like fireflies over her rounded breast and the junction of her quivering thighs, he couldn't have been clearer.

And he did this over and over and over until she finally fell asleep in his arms. 

Does she really love me?

Would she still be here in the morning? He worried 

He hoped.

Pulling her sleeping form as close to his as he could, he kissed her shoulder and nestled his forehead against hers, and would meet her again in his dreams.

The next morning, as the black sky disappeared behind a spreading wave of yellow rays and luminous shades of pastel blue, Drake's eyes fluttered open to empty arms -- again. His heart spontaneously crashed into the pit of his stomach, and a burning sensation formed at the back of his constricted throat.

It was then that he decided the rest of the day would be spent wallowing over every intoxicating beverage he could get his rough hands on. To hell with her. 

No, fuck that -- TO HELL WITH HER!!.

Laying flat on his back with an arm draped over his cloudy eyes, he damned the world and himself for allowing her another chance, for letting his guard down and thinking that maybe she cared.

He sat up with a heavy groan and stared at the pile of clothes that trailed from the door to where he laid. Mixed in with his jeans, old white tee, leather work boots, and socks, was her red lacy panties, bra, two black heels, and a dress. His heart raced, and he swallowed hard over the lump in his throat. Was he foolish enough to believe, to hope, to wish, that she was still there? That … that maybe she did want him. 

That he was good enough for her.

Drake rose to his feet and quickly threw on his boxers. The smell of bacon wafting from the kitchen, combined with her melodic voice singing hit him like a bolt of electricity through every cell in his body. 

She … she stayed.

He walked hesitantly toward the sound and pushed the carved cedar door that led to the kitchen open. There she was in front of the stove with a spatula in one hand and the handle of a pan in the other. She was sashaying her hips to the music she created with a towel draped over her damp hair and wearing the buttoned-up denim shirt he wore last night -- the globes of her ass peeking out.

Alyssa didn't hear him approach as she flipped over a piece of bacon, and both of his greedy hands grabbed on to her bare ass. She jerked up at his touch with a shriek, then giggled playfully. 

The scent of blueberry pancakes and bacon filled the kitchen, but the only scent he wanted to inhale came from her.

He twisted the knobs on the stove to turn the burners off and moved the hot pans aside under her confused stare. "Drake, what are you doing? I'm trying to make you breakfast."

He wrapped his arms around her from behind and sunk his teeth into the side of her neck. "Forget the breakfast for now. You're the only thing I've wanted to devour for two damn years, and the only thing I ever will again."

"Drake --"

Without warning, he hoisted her up, lowered her onto the opposite counter, thrust her legs apart, and before she even had time to prepare herself for what was happening, his tongue separated her pink slit.

HIS whiskey.

Drake's blood pumped frantically like an addict getting his first fix in years until her legs contracted and squeezed around his head. The tighter she clamped down, the louder she moaned, the higher her hips bucked, and the deeper her fingernails clawed into his rumpled hair, the more intoxicated by her taste he became. It couldn't have been clearer, Alyssa savored every sensation he gave her, but the greatest feeling came from knowing he loved and desired her. 

It was the only thing she ever wanted from him too.

After they showered together and finished breakfast in the kitchen, he had some place special he wanted to show her. Taking her by the hand, they walked to the lakeshore just behind his cabin. The calm and solemnity of the water's edge lapping and brushing against rock and sediment was a welcomed retreat from the world around them.

Not that anything or anyone else mattered outside the two of them at that moment. 

Alyssa's face lit up in wonder when the pair approached a clearing just past the dock filled with ducks. She had heard their calls from the cabin porch while eating breakfast, but couldn't believe her eyes at the multitudes of mallards that floated elegantly on the surface. Seeing her so mesmerized by something so simple only made Drake's feelings for her that much stronger. As Alyssa's eyes glittered from the picturesque scene before her, Drake walked over to a storage bin on the dock and pulled out a small paper bag. 

With her hands clasped over her mouth, he held the bag out. "Wanna feed them?"

Alyssa lowered her hand with a grateful smile. "Really? I would love to." She excitedly took the bag from him and filled her small hand full with the tiny pellets. She looked at him as if she were asking for permission before he nodded, and she tossed them into the water.

Drake chuckled over her self-satisfied smile that beamed through those large dimples he loved. For such a small woman, he mused, she was larger than life.

He watched with amusement as Alyssa made sure every duck got at least a little something to eat. She even made Drake get another bag full as she got onto the bigger ducks for stealing from the smaller ones. 

"This is amazing, Drake." She lit at as she tossed out her last handful and rubbed the residue from her hands.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind and nipped at her ear. "Well, I think you're amazing."

Drake led her further down to a cove covered with large, overhanging tree branches encased in Spanish moss and a canvas of corded vines. There was scarcely enough room for the sunlight's rays and warmth to shine through the tethered foliage. Alyssa squealed as soon as she saw the rope with the tire hanging down. Drake released his hand from hers, knowing she would most likely do so anyway, eager to get to the swinging object that caught her eye. 

He let out a chuckle when she did exactly that. 

She hadn't changed from that enthusiastic girl he first met at the wedding rehearsal two years prior when they spent the better part of the week touring the capitol. She made him stop everywhere, always mesmerized by the beauty of a flower she'd never seen before, to make conversation with a local vendor that took no less than an hour, or to watch an elderly couple embracing one another in love. All the things that generally pissed him off when Maxwell was with him, never fazed him when Alyssa did it. He found her bubbly personality, endearing.

Among other things.

Such as all of her attempts to get her little legs through that tire swing. Alyssa insisted she could do it by herself when he offered to help, so he stepped back, but was always ready to catch her if she were to fall. Upon her sixth and final attempt, she got her foot stuck on the inside rim and dangled backward with her other leg wrapped around the outside of it. As she grasped the rope tightly for her life and spun in wild circles, she laughed out, "HAHA, I told you I could do it!"

Drake dropped his face into his hands, shoulders shaking with silent laughter at the sight before him. She seemed perfectly content twisting around that tire and rope, but he couldn't let her stay like that long fearing she would get hurt. He reached under her arms and held her in place so she would be able to get both legs through. 

Alyssa paused to glance up at him with a humored grin. "I still did it all by myself."

He nodded with a snicker back at her. "Yeah. I agree. you did do that all by yourself."

Drake placed his hands on her slender back and pushed her gently forward. While she swung, they caught up on what they had been doing since seeing each other last.  She was still teaching Kindergarten and was currently on Spring Break. He had just landed a new job with the transportation department as a survey technician.

She hadn't dated anyone seriously since they were together after the funeral.

He hadn't dated anyone at all. 

She would have to return to New York in two days.

He would be left behind without her again.

And as much as he didn't want to think about her leaving, he found some solace in knowing she loved him. 

Alyssa loved him. This incredible, funny, intelligent, beautiful, throw-caution-to-the-wind, woman loved him. And she loved him not for what he could buy her or where he could take her in life, but just because he was Drake. It blew his mind; very few people saw him as nothing more than a shadow in the corner. Alyssa wanted to shine a light in that corner or die becoming a shadow with him.

Drake would wake up the following two mornings just as the light tinted the sky, brush her hair aside, and admire the woman who captivated him in ways he'd never understand.

They made love several times, fished on the lake, and spent their evenings wrapped up together in a blanket on the porch swing listening to crickets and talking until their eyelids grew heavy.

Well, Alyssa did most of the talking, but he never enjoyed listening to someone more than he did her.

Two days later at the airport, lost in a sea of faces all coming and going, chatting, carrying on with their hectic daily lives, two lovers stood amongst the crowds wrapped in each other's embrace and spoke their last farewells. 

Drake placed his hands on the side of her jawline, his thumbs grazing her cheeks, and placed a kiss he hoped would last them both until she returned nearly two months later. Alyssa's face fell into his broad chest with tears pouring down her red hot cheeks, and clung to his shirt, not ready to leave him. When the last call for her flight was announced, he sucked in a deep breath feeling that old familiar ache he had experienced without her before. 

He placed a gentle peck onto the top of her head and swallowed hard. "You'll call me when you land, right?"

She looked at him earnestly, with swollen eyes and a quivering chin. "I promise I will. And every day after that."

His hand shook as he swept a strand of hair away from her eyes, disheartened, but not wanting her to leave without saying one last thing to her. "I love you, Alyssa," he declared through a broken whisper he wished could have been spoken louder, but his heart stung.

With a stuttered breath, she smiled back at the man who captured her heart and soul in every way possible. "I love you too, Drake."

Following one last longing kiss and glance, Drake stood motionless while watching Alyssa disappear through the gate that led to her plane and out of his presence again. 

And as the crowds hustled around him trying to catch their flights, Drake was unwilling to move from that spot. Even after a shoulder bump and a luggage cart slammed into the back of his heel, he refused to budge. He knew it was crazy, but a part of him wanted to wait there until she returned in six weeks. Six weeks was a long time to go without her and driving back to an empty cabin was not something he was looking forward to. Alyssa made that place so much more enjoyable -- she made it a home. The only home he would ever want again. 

A smirk curled his lips when a sudden thought crossed his mind. It was more like an idea he was surprised he hadn't entertained before this moment. Would it still be there, he pondered. 

With his heart racing, he drove back home and ran straight to his bedroom. Drake pulled the top drawer of his dresser out and tossed it onto his unmade queen-sized bed. A handful of socks were hurled aside, and a stack of briefs was lifted to peek under. 

Nothing but an empty wooden surface was below.

The second drawer dropped to the floor, and Drake fell to his knees as he hurriedly sifted through folded shirts and some old mail he had no idea why he saved anymore. 

Nothing. "Damn it."

He was confident the last place he put it was in this dresser, so panic set in as he stared at the third and final drawer. Drake rubbed the back of his neck and inhaled deeply. "Pull yourself together, man," he said to himself, wrapped his hand around the brass knobs, and pulled back. 

Hidden under a pile of old photos and magazines was a small metal safe with a combination lock. Drake's eyes shot to the ceiling as he ran a series of numbers through his head. Biting his lip in deep concentration, he twisted the turn style of numbers and pulled the lock off. 

It was like discovering an untouched gold mine as he grabbed the ring box and lifted the top. Inside was his grandmother's simple gold band engagement ring with a small Old European cut solitaire. It didn't have a lot of sparkle or shine to it, but if he dropped it off at the jewelers in the morning, perhaps they could bring it back to life. He wanted Alyssa to have the greatest symbol of his love and devotion to her, and this ring was one of his most treasured items. Only someone as special as Alyssa deserved to wear it. 

________

As promised, Alyssa called when she landed and every day following.  

Four weeks after leaving Cordonia, she stepped out of a cab following a later than usual dinner with some work friends. She unlocked the door to her Brooklyn apartment and tossed the keys onto her kitchen counter. The dinner had been dreadful; she knew better than to order a steaming plate of fajitas. When the waiter swept the plate across her face, the smell of hot green peppers and onions hit the bottom of her stomach like a boulder. It didn't take long before a warmth spread throughout her body, and a cold sweat erupted across her flushed face. 

Alyssa let out a small chuckle to herself as she began digging through her purse for her phone. She hoped the poor waiter had forgiven her for the mess she made on his shoes. A $20 tip was enough, or at least she forced herself to believe it was. Mortified by the mishap, Alyssa had apologized profusely to the patrons of the restaurant and her friends who were demanding their money back from the hostess as she left. 

She swore she would never return.

It was 10:03 p.m. Alyssa was three minutes late with her daily call to Drake. She pulled out loose tissues, dozens of flair pens, her wallet, and some ginger candy she purchased yesterday, from her purse.  

Her cell wasn't in there. 

She searched around her feet, thinking maybe she dropped it when she set her purse down. 

Slamming her fatigued eyes shut with a groan, Alyssa remembered exactly where she saw her phone last: sitting on the table at the restaurant.

She gestured animately toward the heavens. "Why? Why do you hate me today?"

Swallowing what little dignity she had left, Alyssa locked up her apartment, hailed another cab, and shuffled back to the place she had just cleared out with her bout of evening sickness. 

The line of angry guests had dwindled to only an elderly couple since she left—a fact she was thankful for. 

The hostess recognized her immediately, rolled her eyes, and reached under the podium. "I suppose you're looking for this," she said with a condescending tone and a scowl, holding out Alyssa's cell phone.

Alyssa smiled back sheepishly and retrieved the device from the woman she now wished she had vomited on instead. "It is. Thank you." 

As she rode in her third cab in the last 30 minutes, she swiped her phone cover to unlock it. The ultrasound photo to confirm her pregnancy yesterday was visible on the home screen. Alyssa glided a gentle thumb over the picture, swearing this tiny little peanut looked like its father already. How was it possible to love someone you'd never met this much?

Smiling down at the little black-and-white photo, Alyssa sighed, feeling nothing but joy. "Our baby."

Scrolling through her contacts, she pressed Drake's name, and he picked up on the first ring.

"Devereaux!"

"Hey, baby. I'm so so sorry that I'm calling later than usual, but I had dinner with some friends and left my phone at the restaurant." It was killing her not to tell him, literally killing her. She swore when she took the pregnancy test, and the next twenty tests after that, Drake just had to be told in person. No one should get news like that over the phone. Plus, she felt like she knew him well enough to know he would worry and want to catch the first plane to New York. With a new job, Alyssa didn't want Drake to make the wrong impression on his new employers already.

"Nah, it's okay," he lied. Drake had been worried sick she changed her mind about him, or that something terrible had happened. "I'm on my way to the hospital with Liam and Ellie to visit Riley, and I guess now celebrate two birthdays."

Alyssa chuckled. "Riley always was terrible with dates, so it's a good thing both girls will have the same birthday. Speaking of which, is that the birthday girl I hear screaming in the background."

"Yeah. She's not happy with Uncle Drake talking to his other girl. She keeps reaching for the phone and shit." There was a long pause as Ellie screeched in the background. Alyssa could hear Drake trying to calm her down with the most gentle and patient voice she had ever heard him speak in. If Alyssa weren't already slightly nauseous, she would swear the butterflies in her stomach had taken over. He is going to be such a good daddy, she thought.

Drake got back on the phone. "Hey, baby girl, do you mind if I facetime you? I think seeing her Aunt Lyssie would help."

"Yes! Aunt Lyssie approves of that idea. It also gives her the chance to see Uncle Drake's handsome face that she is missing real, real bad."

The cab pulled up next to the curb outside of Alyssa's apartment, and she asked Drake to give her a moment to get upstairs and then call.

Alyssa sat on the edge of her bed, exhausted, but loved seeing Ellie on the video chat, and it calmed the little girl down. And as much as Alyssa missed him, she was somewhat thankful the limo was so close to the hospital when Drake called back. She didn't know how much longer she could keep her eyes open, and Drake could tell after her fifth time yawning he needed to cut it short, anyway. 

"Baby doll, we're pulling up now, and you look like you're ready to fall asleep on me. I'll let ya go."

Alyssa shook her head. "No, no. I want to talk ..." She covered her mouth to disguise another yawn. "It's just been a really long day, and the dinner, and my phone, and --"

"Lyssa, Sweetheart, go to bed. It's fine. I have to get inside, anyway."

"I know." She sighed. "I'll call you tomorrow. On-time ... probably."

Drake laughed. "Then, I can't wait ... probably. Get some rest. Love you, sweet girl."

She blushed every time he spoke those words. This time was no exception. "I love you too."

The next two weeks passed by at a snail's pace for both Drake and Alyssa. The anticipation of seeing each other again after what felt like an eternity apart made the days unbearable. Keeping busy with work and friends could only sustain their sanity for so long. Both were eager to share life-changing news—both a little nervous over what the other would say.

With school officially wrapped up for the summer, Alyssa packed everything she would need for a few weeks and left her apartment key with a friend to water her nearly dead plants while she was away. With her pregnancy now in the eighth week, taking care of those plants became more important to her. If she couldn't take care of them, how would she care for a baby?  It made no sense to her either, but hormone changes made her a little more irrational over the past week.

Liam was kind enough to send the jet for her. Alyssa had initially planned to visit Cordonia after school let out anyway to help Riley with the babies and spend some time with the friend she thought was deceased almost one year ago. Liam nor Riley was ready quite yet to trust another nanny. With Alyssa being so good with children, they were hopeful they could persuade her to stay and take on the task full time.

She boarded the plane just before midnight, trying to stay awake for most of it to compensate for the jet lag that awaited her. Early pregnancy would not cooperate, and she slept almost the entire duration of the flight. 

Upon landing in Cordonia at near dusk, she was pleasantly surprised to find Riley waiting for her on the tarmac next to the limo.

Running to her long-time friend, Alyssa wrapped her arms around her. "Riiiiiillley!!!" 

"Alyyyyyyssa!!"

Alyssa pulled back and looked over her best friend. "I can hardly tell you just had a baby two weeks ago. Look at you! You look great."

Riley subconsciously rubbed her hand over the small bump she had and smirked. "God, I love you."

Alyssa hugged her former roommate once more. "Not as much as I love you."

As they rode in the limo back to the palace, Alyssa helped herself to a ginger ale in the mini-fridge and took a long drink. "Not that I"m not thrilled that you came, but I thought you were sending Mara to pick me.

"Liam insisted I be the one to meet you. He and Maxwell are taking care of the girls, which gives me a chance to get a little break."

Alyssa took another sip and screwed the cap back on. "Have you seen Drake?"

Riley shook her head. "Not since Evie was born. He really hasn't been around much lately."

"Not ... not even today? Like, before you left?" She asked with a tinge of surprise.

Riley rubbed a comforting hand up and down Alyssa's slender arm. "I'm sorry, sweetie. No."

Alyssa sunk back into her seat, somewhat disappointed. Drake knew she was arriving today. In each of their conversations this week, he told her how excited he was to see her. As much as she wanted just to shrug it off, it hurt her that the man who professed his love to her, wouldn't be there to see her today. She knew it was silly -- he probably worked late today -- but it didn't stop her from fretting. She pulled out her phone to see if he tried to call or text, and there was nothing from him. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry ... I'm going to cryyyyyyy.

The limo pulled into the palace; Alyssa and Riley grabbed her bags from the trunk. She glanced around to see if Drake's truck was there.

It wasn't.

Sucking her lips between her teeth to prevent the desperate urge to burst into tears, she hoped Riley didn't ask her too many questions. Speaking was not something she could risk at that moment. She knew if her mouth opened, the sob she had staved off during the ride would erupt.

Staff was ready to take Alyssa's bags when they passed through the gilded doors. Liam was standing at the foot of the grand staircase with a phone in hand and shoved it into his pocket when he caught sight of the girls. 

"Liam?" Riley asked with a puzzled looked. "What are you doing down here? Where are the girls?"

He kissed his wife. "They're fine, love. Both are sleeping, and Maxwell is with them." Liam then turned to Alyssa and greeted her with a kiss to the cheek. "Alyssa. It's great to have you back with us. I hope your flight was comfortable."

She nodded with half a smile. "It was very nice. Thank you for letting me use the jet."

"You didn't answer my question, Liam." Riley furrowed her brows." Why are you down here? Is everything okay?"

"Sweetheart, you and I need to go upstairs." He grabbed Riley's hand and then looked to Alyssa with a mischievous smile. "And you. You need to go into the ballroom."

Confused, Alyssa gestured to herself. "Me? Why?"

"Just ... trust me. Go in the ballroom. Your Prince awaits."

Riley did not understand what the hell was going on, and knowing she couldn't keep a secret from her best friend, Liam knew it was for the best she didn't. She prodded him for information all the way back to their quarters -- he never relented.

Alyssa placed her hand on the gold handle set that adorned the ballroom door and pulled back. He came.

Her breath hitched when the darkened room that held fancy royal gatherings, suddenly lit up with thousands of small white lights. She crossed the entrance, unsure of what was occurring. "Hello," she called out.

The quiet ballroom abruptly came alive with an old familiar tune that she knew by heart. It was so special to her that her heart grew with nostalgia ... or perhaps, deja vu. She clutched her chest with an enormous smile that shined brighter than all the lights in that room combined. Playing in the background was the first song she danced with Drake to. I can't believe he remembered that.

At last, my love has come along

My lonely days are over, and life is like a song

At last, the skies above are blue

My heart was wrapped in clover the night I looked at you

Out of the corner of her eyes, Alyssa spotted Drake, dressed in his nicest pair of blue jeans, a buttoned-up flannel dress shirt, and a suit jacket. She bit her bottom lip and cast a bashful glance his way. He was the most handsome man she had ever seen, and the way he was swaggering toward her with that wide grin made her belly clench. 

“Drake. What's going on?"

He grasped hold of her hand and leaned down to place a gentle peck on her eager lips. "Maybe, I missed you a little." 

Still holding her hand, he led her to the center of the ballroom, never taking his love-filled eyes off her. "Maybe, I missed you a lot."

When they reached the midpoint of the room, Drake stood in front of her and circled his brawny arms under hers, his large hands resting on her back. He studied her eyes with so much desire and affection that it sent a surge of heat throughout her body and made her knees tremble.

"And maybe ... I wanted to take the most beautiful woman in the world to the same spot I fell in love with her two years ago."

Tears pricked at her bright blue eyes. "Drake," she muttered fondly.

"I believe you forced me to dance with you that night."

She chuckled through a soft cry. "I did. Yes."

He nipped her nose softly and then her forehead. "No one's forcing me now."

Drake still hated dancing, but by God, he would recreate that night for her even if it killed him. His feet never lifted from the floor, but he shuffled side to side with her in his arms. 

If he didn't hold on to her, Alyssa would swear she'd float away. She rested her head on his bulky chest, his heart pounding against her delicate cheek. The smell of his cologne drifting like lead through her nostrils.

He lifted one of her slender arms above her head and twirled her around twice. It was the most romantic gesture anyone had ever done for her. And she smiled through the sudden queasiness that his cologne and those two turns had exacerbated.

Drake caressed the center of her back with tiny circles of his thumb. Every stroke was delicate and deliberate. He gazed down at her clammy face, feeling convinced she was charmed with him and his actions.  Now was the perfect time for the big finish. 

""Alyssa. I've dreamt of this moment for almost two years. Ever since we stood on this very dance floor for the first time, and I held you tightly in my arms. I didn't want to let go of you that night, and ... I don't want to let go of you now. Ever."

Every word he spoke enchanted Alyssa. It touched her on another level that she relished and savored. She also felt the gurgling in her stomach that made her desperate for the ginger candy in her purse. Fuck, where's my purse.

Drake reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the velvet ring box. 

He bent down onto one knee. 

Alyssa's hand shot to her mouth.

He smiled up at her. "Alyssa. I love you so much. And I've gone too long feeling this way for you, and I'll be damned if I let you go again. I want you to be mine ... at last. Forever. Would you marry me?"

Alyssa shook her head affirmatively with her hands still clasped firmly over her mouth. She wanted to answer him so badly. 

Drake furrowed his brows; a troubled looked in his dark eyes. "Baby girl? Is ... that a yes? I'm... I'm not sure ... what you're trying to tell me right now."

Still holding the ring that glistened from the little lights up to her, Drake became increasingly desperate for an answer. His brown eyes were so full and glassy; she could see her reflection in them.

Alyssa lowered her hands, took a shallow breath through her nose, and slowly blew it past her lips. She did this three times before sighing in relief as the nausea she was suffering from subsided gradually. 

Feeling terrible for the man she loved with all of her heart, who just proposed to her, and was still on his knees waiting rather despondently for an answer, Alyssa flashed a radiant smile at him. "I'm trying to tell you ... YES!!!! My answer will always be yes!"

Drake slid the ring on her finger, her hand shaking the entire time. 

He jumped up and, with a broad sweep of his arms, lifted her into a passionate kiss they both got lost in. 

Drake had been madly in love with her for two years. And though she had been thousands of miles away during that time, he never got over her. And as he lowered her back down to the floor, his hands ghosting through her hair, and her soft hands gripping his sides, every part of himself couldn't believe she would forever be his. That all those lonely nights of longing and wishing for the woman that captured his heart wasn't in vain. She said yes to him.

Drake Walker finally got the girl.

He rested his forehead on hers, still amazed, but never felt more love and joy than he did at that moment.

Until ...

"Alyssa, you've made me happier than I ever thought was possible. I swear I don't think there is anything that will ever top this."

Alyssa gripped the charm of her necklace and slid it back and forth along the chain with a sly grin. "I think I may know of a way to top it."

Drake pulled her into a kiss. "Oh baby, trust me, there's gonna be plenty of that too," he said with a sexy smirk while grinding his hips into her.

"Huh?" Alyssa looked down at feeling the hardness of his groin pressed into her. "Oh. Oh. No, no ... I mean, yes, but ... no, that's not what I was referring to."

A rosy red shaded Drake's cheeks, then he watched with curiosity as Alyssa reached around to her back pocket and pulled out her cell phone. He couldn't help but admire the ring on her finger --his ring -- while she scrolled and danced her slender fingers eagerly over the screen. The brightness of the light from her phone made it easier for him to catch the glow that flitted across her face when it became apparent she found what she was looking for.

Alyssa lowered the phone to her chest under his unrelenting stare, not wanting him to see just yet. A questioning smile crept across his lips. He couldn't imagine what his fiancee had on that phone she was so sure could make him any happier as she seemed to insinuate. Whatever it was, it thrilled her to show him.

Alyssa drew in a sharp breath. Nervousness would be an understatement for what she felt. Nervous of his reaction. Nervous about what the future held. Nervous about sharing something so special with this man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

Removing the phone she held so close to her chest, she glanced down at the screen with a soft smile and then turned it around to show Drake.

As his eyes adjusted to the glare, he bent down to get a better look.

"Do you know what you're looking at, sweetie?"

Drake knew precisely what he was looking at, and her name typed in white against the black backdrop only confirmed what he wanted to know. After Alyssa, that picture was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Pride and love simmered heavily in his chest.

With his heart pounding, he thought about how right she was. He could be happier.

Over the emerging tears that clung thickly to his wide-open eyes, he swallowed hard; unsure words could come out. "Is that ...is that --"

Alyssa nodded through her own fresh tears and finished his thought for him. "Our baby, Drake. We made a baby."

Drake's hands flew to both sides of her face and crashed his lips into hers.

Not only did he get the girl.

Drake Walker finally got the family he always wanted. 

What began as a simple flirtation at a wedding reception two years ago for their friends, that branded his heart with her name, turned into a lengthy love affair. The years had been filled with loneliness and sorrow for both, but in the end, they always knew the other was, The One.

She was his whiskey -- the one who held him together and brought him back to life.

He was her knight -- the one who would protect and defend her always.

Together, they could erase heartaches, fill the voids that had plagued them for years, and love infinitely.

The wedding was a simple affair held just over a month later by the lake in front of the cabin. The day was bright and warm; it accentuated perfectly with the western style theme. With only, Liam, Riley, the babies, Maxwell, and Hana gathered around, Drake married the woman he was always meant to be with. They chowed down afterward on a barbeque and cold beers. 

Six months later, after twelve hours of labor, and him never leaving her side, they welcomed a happy and healthy baby girl.

And Drake Walker deserved his girls in the end. He was a worthy man. Money didn't make the man he realized. It was being a good father and husband.

And he was. 

[phoenix-downer]

Autumn Mending Chapter 1:  Fall(ing in Love) is in the Air

~1050 words. Romance, Angst, Pining, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Comfort, Healing, Making Up. For SoKai Day 2021. 

Sequel to Kisses and Lies because I couldn’t just leave Sora and Kairi hanging, now could I? 

Will have three chapters because the story took on a life of its own, and the actual final chapter will be the one posted on SoKai Day. 

Summary: Sora and Kairi are still broken up, but with the help of old friends and Twilight Town’s fall festival, the spark between them just might be rekindled.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 

Fall was in the air. Sora hadn’t grown up with four seasons, but he’d come to appreciate them after going to so many different worlds. Maybe that was why he’d decided to visit Twilight Town today. The changing of the leaves, the hot apple cider and cool pumpkin pie served at the booths scattered throughout town, and the autumn festivities made for a great time. He was long overdue to visit Hayner, Pence, and Olette too. 

So yeah, that was why he was going. Absolutely. It had nothing to do with how he was trying to avoid Kairi. Ever since their latest mission together, things had been awkward. Awkward because of that fake kiss that wasn’t fake at all on his end. Awkward because he still had feelings for her and he suspected she knew it. At first, he’d hoped that maybe, just maybe, she’d fallen in love with him again, but—

He’d seen her at a restaurant with some guy he didn’t even know, and he’d fled Destiny Islands again. It was easier to just… stay away. Away from her. Away from home. Home was painful. He couldn’t go anywhere without being reminded of her. It was why he’d spent the last several months running away again. Ignoring her texts. Avoiding her calls. 

Why did she always “want to still be friends.” Why couldn’t she get it through her head that he could never “just” be friends. That wasn’t how his heart worked. He’d told her that the night she’d broken up with him. He was in love with her, and there was no way of undoing that. Of making it go away. It wasn’t something he could walk back from. So either they were more than friends or they weren’t friends at all. 

Sighing, he parked the Gummi Ship and grabbed his hoodie. Despite his appreciation for fall, he still had the cold tolerance of an islander, and he needed all the extra warmth he could get. That meant jeans, a tank top, a flannel shirt, and this hoodie, because once it got dark, he’d be shivering constantly without the extra layers. 

The moment he stepped out of the Gummi Ship and into the woods, however, he couldn’t help but feel a little better. The cold, crisp breeze ruffling his hair was like an old friend, the scent of pines was soothing, and in the distance he could hear the sounds of the fall festival. 

“This is what I need right now,” he said to himself as he strolled towards the town. “The chance to make new memories with old friends.” 

And maybe… maybe he’d meet someone new. Someone he could have a fresh start with. Kairi had moved on, clearly, and maybe it was time he did the same. 

His heart throbbed briefly, and he sighed again and kicked a withered clump of grass. The scar on his chest just had to remind him that there was one person who still had his heart. One woman he’d sacrificed himself to save, over and over again. Once, he’d thought they’d be together forever. Once, he thought she would love him for the rest of their lives, that they’d have their happily ever after. How naive and stupid of him. He couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror and see the scar and not think about how she’d broken his heart.

Maybe it was time to ask Donald to hide the scar again. So his own body wouldn’t constantly tear open the wound deep inside him. So that any other women in his life someday wouldn’t have to be reminded that they were second, that Kairi was always first—

“Sora! Long time no see!” Hayner called, and Sora snapped out of his reverie. Somehow he’d made it to their meeting place in the Usual Spot without even noticing.

Great, I’ve been brooding again. Which is why I’m here, to distract myself. 

“Good to see you too,” Sora said as they bumped arms. 

“Thanks for coming,” Pence said as he hopped off the old couch to greet Sora. “It really has been too long.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Sora scratched the back of his head. “Work’s been keeping me busy.”

“You still fighting?” Hayner asked. “Going on missions?”

“Yup. You wouldn’t believe the munny I’ve saved up.”

Munny that was meant to pay for an engagement ring, a house, that kind of thing, but at least Sora could still spend it on other stuff. Gummi Ship upgrades or college perhaps. He’d managed to finish high school only a year and a half late, and maybe burying himself in a pile of books again would be a welcome distraction. Twenty-one wasn’t too late to start university by any means, and several worlds had really good programs for the kind of stuff he was into. Hiro had even told him he could help him apply to the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology. He’d never been much of a student, but he was good at tinkering with things and analyzing them, and Hiro said there were several programs at the Institute that would be right up his alley.  

As he and Hayner and Pence chatted, he relaxed. Nothing like spending time with old friends to lift his spirits. The loner life didn’t really suit him. Maybe he should give San Fransokyo Institute of Technology a try. Put down roots somewhere. Make new memories. 

“Oh, I was gonna ask, where’s Olette?” he said. “I thought she was meeting us here.”

“Yes, sorry!” came her voice, and she pulled the raggedy curtain to their hideout aside. “I was meeting someone else at the station.” 

“Who—”

Sora’s heart dropped into his stomach. Right behind Olette was the last person he wanted to see right now. Her red hair was in low pigtails, she wore a blue and black checkered flannel shirt, and her legs looked great in those jeans. But he was drawn to her face most of all. The moment their eyes met, something like longing flickered through them. 

For a second, he forgot all about his hurt, his pain. Forgot all about how frustrated he was with her right now, how hard he was trying to avoid her. One word came out of his mouth, one simple word that betrayed the feelings buried deep in his heart for everyone to hear.

“Kairi?”

[insertmeaningfulusername]

for the otp ask meme (because i realized i forgot to send this lmao), your opinion on soulmate au? 👀

Oooh thank you for that ask 👀 (sorry I’m so late with answering life’s a whirlwind of stuff to do atm) 

Thinking about it, I don’t believe either of Cherik are very enthusiastic about their soulmate! It’s a cruel world after all.  Maybe Charles is a bit more optimistic, but he has also been thoroughly disillusioned by his parents. His father - so, his mother’s first soulmate - died when he was very young - why care to find your soulmate when they’ll be taken from you far too early anyway? - and her second soulmate (let’s just pretend it’s an AU in which you can have multiple soulmates, either all at once or one after the other (because polyamory/OT3 :3)) seems to hold no love whatsoever for her, Charles or even his own son Cain. To Charles, soulmates are a thing of science, intriguing in that he wants to find out if genetics or human history have an influence on how the universe chooses your soulmate. If - if - he is to ever meet his soulmate, he doesn’t expect those biiig Romantic™ feelings like they’re always depicted in media.  Erik however has been brought up with a loving pair of soulmated parents. They taught him joyful expectation towards his missing puzzle piece before they were killed and he was taken away by Shaw. Now, one might think he held on to that while Shaw tortured him, starved him and experimented on him - and he did. Except that this feeling of entitlement to a soulmate has slowly vanished, because who would want a monster like him? Even after escaping his tormentor, he is a broken man, a machine only built to kill and destroy and take, not give. So, he drifts without actively looking for the one Fate has destined to be his.  Now, their meeting. Maybe it’s a name-on-wrist AU, a fireworks-upon-first-meeting AU, a glowing-chest-when-bumping-into-each-other AU. Anyway, they are both so surprised and so scared to finally have discovered each other - and also so in love. Charles has an enormous fear of losing Erik, so he won’t let him out of his sight - his doubts about fate and science and genetics vanished the moment he laid eyes on his soulmate - while Erik is overjoyed with being Charles’ centre of attention even though he feels like he’s not worth it, so not worth it. Slowly, they settle into their new reality, teaching each other how to let go of their disillusionments and fears...  And then, of course, Shaw comes and fucks it all up and dies a horrible, terrible death. Which still leaves Erik and Charles to pick up the pieces, to mend the wounds which were torn open again - except they have each other now, safe in their knowledge that they are fated to complete each other, even if they always get in arguments about mutant segregation vs. integration. 

[crispyliza]

Spamano multi-chapter fanfiction recommendation masterlist!

For all you home-quarantined people that have nothing to do and also because I’ve been meaning on making one of these since 2015 (took a global pandemic to get me started lol) 

These fanfics are all with multiple chapters and listed in no particular order. Of course some are better than others, but every single one has its charms! I added only a few with 3 or 4 chapters because i liked them too much not to whereas the rest of the fanfics have at least 5+ chapters. So without further ado, here they are:

Una Notte A Napoli “One night in Naples, by the moon and sea, my heart was stolen by an angel who had forgotten how to fly.” (completed)

Per Sempre Tuo “Lovino Vargas, better known as Romano, is a famous TV actor. He has everything anyone could ever want. The only problem is that the thing he wants, over-night singing sensation Antonio Fernandez, is married.” (completed)

HOVA “The Nova Sagittarius was a ship that would take myself and countless other passengers on a one month trip around our solar system. But things went wrong; the ship changed and just like that, we were stranded. We got to know each other but more than that, we got to know ourselves.” (completed)

What We’d Do Without Gravity  “While lost in a hospital Antonio comes across young terminally ill patient, Lovino Vargas. With Lovino left only six months to live it’s an awful time a romance to blossom between the ill fated pair, but with a bucket list to race through as the clock ticks down, the two find that love is very hard to avoid.” (completed)

Numbered Lithograph “When Lovino starts attending art school with his brother he finds his most important lesson doesn’t come from his professors, but from a culinary student at a sister school: sometimes the flaws hold the beauty.” (completed)

Tienimi Streto “Lovino Vargas is a detective with a poor attitude and a dark past, driven to the side of law by pain and revenge. After his partner quits, he is paired with specially recruited Antonio Carriedo, who becomes something more than just a co-worker. When deaths linked to the Italian start popping up over the city, Lovino begins to question everything he thought he knew.” (on-going)

More than attraction “Antonio says he met his love’s eyes over the bin of tomatoes. Lovino says he was stalked relentlessly until he was forced to give in.” (completed)

Credo “AU, 1502. Fueled by revenge, Lovino Vargas hasn’t failed an assassination job yet - but when a new Spanish captain comes to Rome, killing the unorthodox Antonio Carriedo might just be the death of him.” (completed)

Secret Tunnels from Madrid to Sicily “When Antonio Fernández Carriedo begins work as a professor at a prestigious university in Britain, one of his students, a Sicilian boy who goes by the name Romano, immediately catches his eye. He is a clearly gifted writer, who closes himself off in the wake of a dark and painful history. Even wrapped in his darkness, pushing everyone away, Toni finds himself determined to bring out the potential within Romano…They drag each other into a passionate, inevitable affair–doomed, they know, to end in flames.” (completed)

Why Did it Have to be You? “Lovino’s parents are tired of his horrible behavior, and hire Antonio to babysit him. But time is a cruel mistress, and in absence the heart grows fonder. These are just some of the things Antonio and Lovino will learn.” (completed)

And the Birds Sing No More “Don’t ever leave me.” Lovino said nothing. He allowed the tense heaviness to settle among his shoulders, tighten his lungs, and spread between the space from where he stood to where Antonio was seated lethargically. Antonio’s gaze sharpened. Lovino, inclining his head slightly, whispered, “I won’t.” (completed)

A Dancing Star “Antonio is the easy-going, life-loving art professor and Lovino is the Italian exchange student who walks into his art studio. When Antonio falls in love he thought he only had his job to worry about, but maybe it’s Lovino’s dark secret that’ll push him away. Trigger warning for self-harm and dark themes.” (completed)

Kismet “Lovino learns the hard way that things change and that they can change quickly. The necklace fell and now he’s in a strange land far from home. Will he ever see his brother again? Will he find his way home? Or will he discover home is where the heart is? Fate is a strange woman and can work in mysterious ways.” (completed)

Let that be enough “Lovino had given up hoping for someone who’d care about him. Antonio never expected to fall for the most tormented guy in town. But dark secrets and hidden dangers threatens their blooming relationship. Is it over before it even begun..?” (completed)

Child services “Romano and Feliciano Vargas have just lost their parents. Romano, who is 22, must care for his 6 year old little brother. Enter Antonio Carreido, the agent from Child Services who must record his progress, however, it’s hard for the cheerful Spaniard to keep from falling in love with this little broken down family and with Romano.” (on-going)

Loving a Stranger “You don’t remember, but I know you. We were- I don’t even know how to describe our relationship. That sounds bad, I know. I think you might have been in love with me, although I cannot see why. That’s just what I’ve been told. I acted as though I hated you, but I never did. I was afraid, because you were kind to me. I didn’t know I loved you until you forgot me…“ (completed)

The Many Personalities of Spain “England casts a spell to rid himself of Spain. As expected it goes wrong; leaving Romano to deal with the many personalities of Spain. That sounds like a normal day for Romano, right? It would be if the personalities not had their own personifications.” (on-going)

Daisy Genocide “My name is Lovino Vargas but that’s not who I actually am. I’m my brother. They put his DNA into a little ball of jello and grew me like a house plant. To say it blatantly, I’m a clone and I’m in a disturbing amount of trouble. I’m about to tell the story of my fight to preserve my humanity followed by a vicious history of crime but it’s a secret. Nobody has to know.” (completed)

More Than Meets The Eye “Striving to find approval and meaning, Antonio throws himself into the world of art determined to come out on top. Yet, in all of his searching, burning, and pain, he never thought that a single culinary student could ever manage to tear down his walls and make him face his biggest fear; himself.” (on-going)  

Cryonic “After suffering a fatal attack from an unknown illness, Lovino Vargas underwent cryopreservation, leaving behind his only family, his boyfriend, and a blooming company. Years later the effects are only just coming into play causing more problems than his preservation was supposed to solve. Human AU; T for language; pre-established Spamano.” (on-going)

All of Our Flaws “Antonio is a man whose world revolves around anyone but himself. Lovino is a man with dreams bigger than a job behind a drugstore counter. Antonio is broken; Lovino is incomplete. Will a chance meeting lead them to mending their cracks and finding their missing pieces? Human AU, trigger warning for self-harm.” (on-going)

Truly an artist “Having already completed college, Lovino Vargas lives in Madrid as an artist suffering from severe artist’s block. In one of his visits to his old school he runs into a new teacher, Antonio Fernández Carriedo, who decides he’ll be the one to help Lovino in his endeavor to find himself. However cheerful and optimistic, Lovino still feels there’s more to Antonio than he’s letting on.” (completed)

The Heartbreaker “Sometimes the best things happen unexpectedly. Certainly this is Antonio’s opinion at the moment. The handsome stranger he met upon moving to a new town in Italy seems to be able to do almost no wrong. Until he digs a little deeper below the surface and begins to discover an unsettling reputation. And if the rumours are true, is it wise to trust a man known as ‘The Heartbreaker?” (completed)

We sing, We dance, We eat tomatoes “When Lovino Vargas takes in a starving guitar player called the Curbside Prophet from the streets of Philadelphia, he isn’t expecting the man to tolerate him for more than a couple weeks, much less fall in love with him. Based on the the music by Jason Mraz.” (on-going)

Underwater Land “Antonio was a merman. Lovino hated water. It was truly a match made in heaven.” (completed)

Flashlight “If I throw a tomato at you, vampire bastard, will you still sparkle under the sauce?” Twilight parody. (completed)

Catch you, Catch me “Clumsy, clueless detective Romano is on the trail of the infamous handsome and charming thief El Apasionado Caballero. But there’s more to this, what seems like a simple game of cat and mouse, than meets the eye.” (completed)

Blackbird “Antonio walks into a small coffee joint, hoping for just some caffeine to take the edge off of late-night studying for midterms, and gets a whole lot more than he bargained for in the form of a snarky, foulmouthed, Italian barista.” (on-going)

Counting Stars “Antonio, failed writer and journalist, thinks things are finally going his way when he lands an interview with actor Lovino Vargas. But it’s only the start of a long line of problems… the biggest of which may be Vargas himself.” (on-going)

Cosa Nostra “Based on the historical background of the Sicilian Mafia during the First Mafia War starring Mafia!Romano.” (completed)

Tight Rope “Rich, spoiled kid Lovino Vargas hates pirates. Pirate captain Antonio Carriedo hates rich, spoiled kids. None of them ever thought they could feel something different from hatred towards one another. However, Fate seems to have different plans for them, and twists their lives in unexpected ways.” (on-going)

When You Recover “Nurse Lovino Vargas has to take care of brain damaged patient Antonio Carriedo, who seems to have a strange affection towards him. N-not that Lovino likes it! The Italian is determined to make the man recover, no matter what it takes. What will little Lovino get himself into with this patient?” (on-going)

Like All Things, It Ends “Lovino doesn’t want his family to know how much his childhood trauma still affects him and he does a good job at hiding it. That is, until he moves to a new town and meets Antonio, someone he is unable to hide anything from. (Warnings for PTSD, Depression, harmful thinking of oneself, and violent death of a loved one)” (completed)

Wish upon a star “A drunken wish on a star lands Lovino back in the time of pirates, and when he runs into a familiar face with an unfamiliar personality, he’ll start to question his own heart. Pirate!SpainxRomano. Rated for language, violence, and maybe mature situation” (completed)

Crooked Timber “As an artist, Lovino understands that perfection doesn’t exist. If only Antonio agreed with him, and stopped trying to hurt himself. -Human (College) AU. Spamano multi-chapter with other minor pairings. Depressed!Antonio, Writer!Antonio, Artist!Lovino- TW for self-harm.” (completed)

Just Pretend! “Romano liked Emma- a lot. Except her stupid big brother was too overprotective (and, okay, a little scary)! He wouldn’t allow any guy near her- unless they weren’t romantically interested in Emma. So, Romano decided to pretend to be gay, with the help of Antonio, in hopes of getting Emma to fall in love with him. Perfect plan, right?” (completed)

The Duty of an Elder Son “Lovino Vargas knew a lot about duty.” His Grandfather’s swollen empire puts all of his family in danger, the other gangs are massing, the police are on their tails and Lovino is given a bodyguard in one Antonio Carriedo. 1920s Mafia AU fic. (completed)

Flatmates “They were flatmates, they were best friends and they were really frustrated about relationships. So what would two young men do about this?” (completed)

Zero Tolerance “Lovino lives a perfect life. Or atleast thats how he is suppose to appear. Antonio lives a life as a dangerous gangbanger. North Side meets South Side as these two are partnered in their Chemistry class. But there is one chemical reaction these 2 arent prepared for- Love. AU, human names used. Based on the book “Perfect Chemistry” by Simone Elkeles.” (completed)

Your Love Can Be My SIght “Seventeen year old Lovino Vargas lost his sight in a terrible car accident. Antonio, a teacher at Lovino’s school was born without it. Can Antonio teach Lovino that even without sight, life can be beautiful?” (completed)

The Greatest Treasure, You Idiot! “Spinoff of the “Sea Foam” chapter in Hetalia Fairy Tales. Captain Carriedo of the pirate ship, Buscador Dorado, seeks a legendary treasure “that is worth gaining” with the help of the infamous wish-giver, Lovino. But what is the true treasure?” (completed)

Crowns of Triple Gold “Things are rarely simple for Romano in the Eternal City, especially when he falls for one of his clients, a Hispanian senator up for consul against his father.” (completed)

Prisoners on the Slave Ship of Love “Lovino Vargas has been captured and taken hostage in a pirate raid led by Captain Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and his band of Spanish buccaneers. Tensions grow high and hearts are tested when Lovino becomes Captain Carriedo’s personal prisoner…” (on-going)

The Lemon Tree “Lovino didn’t want to be a slave in that scary mansion. He needed to break free. The fight for independence, however, is a difficult path, and falling in love with the man that destroyed his life doesn’t make things any easier.” (completed)

Sun Kissed “A powerful man once created gods to rule the sky as the creatures of the land lives. The Sun and the Moon. Brothers since birth, and all powerful, they rule side by side. As time passes, the Sun realizes how unhappy he is watching people hide from him. What happens when he discovers a man who isn’t afraid to live under the harsh sun?” (completed)

Tesoro Mio “Antonio’s the charming, handsome farmer with an infuriating Spanish accent, and Lovino is the mysterious wine entrepreneur who comes and goes. When Antonio falls in love, he throws society, expectations, and religion to the wayside, but can a strict Catholic like Lovino do the same?” (completed)

Because of the war “A first person POV for Romano during and after WW2. His thoughts as he fights and survives. Beware of angst.” (completed)

Just Add one Mermaid’s Tear “To gain something of ultimate value; the unthinkable must be preformed. The line is etched upon the brow of every nation, the taste of the water still on their lips. What happens though when one nation desires the fountain of youth once more?” (completed)

Until the Moss Had Reached Our Lips, and Covered Up Our Names “In a city filled to the brim with gangs, all the territory split between them, peace has lasted for the past sixteen years. It’s a tentative peace, won after the last massive gang war reshaped the entire city. Except all it takes is one domino to fall, and the Vargas patriarch is dead, leaving behind Antonio to lead his house, who isn’t even his blood relative. With an untried Head, the balance of power has started to shift again, and it seems as good a time as any to start calling in old debts and revenges.” (on-going)

The Bet “When someone kisses you, and then moves away you’d think that would be it. But when Antonio comes back from Spain he wants Lovino to be his again. Except Lovino now hates Antonio…which sucks for Lovino because Antonio isn’t going to let go that easily.” (completed)

Wings “People ask me a lot why I love him. Why I spend so much time chasing him when he never returns my feelings. It’s because I see something they don’t.” (on-going)

My Heart is Drenched in Wine “Wine and romance. More importantly, when you cut through my wine!fangirling, this is a story about Lovino and Antonio and how they find their way back together (in spite of the past and occasionally the present) as they attempt to make wine and sometimes love.” (completed)

Of Two Minds “Feliciano and Lovino are living on the streets, with a secret that keeps them from getting close to anyone. Will their lives get better or worse after being forced to join a pirate crew, and what will happen when their secret finally comes out? Rated T for some (minor) violence, Romano’s mouth, and some angsty feelings. Pirate AU.” (completed)

Beats of Fever “Antonio Fernández Carriedo is a doctor working in Madrid dealing with a crush on an Italian tourist when the tensions in Spain reach a head and Civil War breaks out.” (on-going)

All of Our Sins “Lovino is Catholic, but he’s not entirely sure what he believes. Nevertheless, he and his brother Feliciano are forced to attend confirmation classes. When Lovino meets their group leader- bizarre, cheerful Antonio; one of the first people to treat Lovino like he matters- things get complicated. When they find this church is much darker than it appears, things get terrifying. Fast.” (completed)

Es Sólo Tu Corazón “Lovino has been in love with Spain for as long as he can remember. All he wants is to be with his former caretaker, but he soon finds out that the Spain he knew as a child is no longer there…and the real one is far more dangerous.” (on-going)

There Goes My Life “Antonio, 26, a old gourmet chef, a bachelor who’s all party. Lovino a 20 y/o premed student who only has one goal, to be become a doctor. He is determined to let his feelings for the Spaniard fade away, but after receiving devastating news, a drunken one night stand leads to the end of life as Lovino knows it.” (on-going)

As We Were “Rich, bored and unhappy, Lovino Vargas is the heir to his grandfather’s wine brand. Antonio is the restless young traveller prone to attacks of claustrophobia. For them, falling in love is a journey. Literally. Spamano, Human AU, multi-chapter. Warnings for language and sexual themes.” (completed)

NekoRoma “Antonio has been feeling lonely with his recent break up with his on/off boyfriend. The solution: a new kitten that his boss doesn’t want. Just as he gets used to this cat, a new challenge is thrown at him. How do you teach a cat to be human?” (completed)

Summer Sensations “The hot summer nights of Madrid bring many things, but one very special night changes two lives forever. Lovino learns that love is not such a frivolous thing after all.” (completed)

Fools Like Us  “What starts out as a normal Friday night for the “Bad Touch Trio” soon becomes an opportunity for Francis to use his favorite word in reference to his best friends. Unfortunately, Gilbert and Antonio couldn’t possibly have fallen for people who would return their feelings easily, but Francis is determined to help them out despite his own relationship-or lack thereof.” (completed)

Hear Me “Antonio and Lovino are trying their best to get by in high school, but between the stresses of grades, family, friends, and heartache, it’s a lot harder than it looks.” (completed)

Fame and Fortune “Lovino Vargas is a barkeeper and reluctant Stasi informant. As much as he despises what he does, he obeys the terrifying Red Army colonel, Ivan Braginsky. That is, until the secretive and frustratingly attractive Antonio Fernandez Carriedo arrives in his life and breaks all the rules. Inspired by the Elvis Presley song of the same name.” (on-going)

It’s all Antonio’s Fault “Condoms, footballs to the stomach, fake nurses, confusing hallways, and flying backpacks. Lovino Vargas’s first day at World Academy was already one of his worst, and he could only imagine that it would spiral downwards as he got to know the tomato bastard, otherwise known as Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.” (on-going)

My Antonio “Going against everything in his strict, Catholic upbringing, Lovino has fallen desperately into love and lust for his family’s Spanish stable boy, Antonio.” (completed)

Sound Life “Spain is dead, leaving Romano distraught and wishing for there to be a way for him to see his beloved Spaniard alive and healthy…Only to wake up in a strange alternate world… with another Spain seeking his affection.” (completed)

Possessively Scary “Romano begins college late with his brother after their nonno passes away. When entering, he meets a very strange Spaniard. The man is odd but still attractive at the same time. As they get closer, Romano learns more about Antonio and doesn’t know if he should be scared of the man or not. Can he get out of something he got himself into?” (on-going)

This Dance “Antonio wants Lovino to be his dancepartner at Austria’s ball. Lovino, struggling with his growing feelings of love and affection for everyone’s favorite tomato-bastard as always, agrees. Now, there could be worse things, right?” (completed)

Powdered Sugar “Truth, like powdered sugar, tastes sweet but goes down cold. If a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, we might need a bit more.” (completed)

Singles “Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert are three friends who suffered their first heartbreaks at the age of fifteen, and made a pact to never fall in love again. That will change for Antonio when he first lays eyes on a brown-haired young man in a club…” (completed)

A Heated Story “Sky High / superpower hs au. wip. Lovino Vargas is a new kid at Sky High with his brother. He has the power to control fire. Only one problem, he hates the heat. Spamano, and other ships. Doesn’t actually have anything to do with the movie, just used the school.” (on-going)

I Don’t Hate You “Lovino and his brothers face the unknown while on a mission to Earth. The Italian angel comes up against more than he bargained for when a dark angel takes a liking to him and now he and Feliciano might be cast out.” (completed)

Like all things, it ends “Lovino doesn’t want his family to know how much his childhood trauma still affects him and he does a good job at hiding it. That is, until he moves to a new town and meets Antonio, someone he is unable to hide anything from.” (completed)

Disegno e Colore “A young, apprenticing artist, Lovino craves rationality, perfection, and self-possession, and has curated his life to one day attain that. He never expected a chaotic and brash painter to barrel into his life and test everything Lovino thought he wanted and knew of himself, his art, and his heart.” (on going)

Land Beyond Dreams “Antonio is saved from death by someone he’d spoken to only a few times, but who lost his life in the process. Grief-stricken, he only wishes he could have gotten to know his savior, when his dreams suddenly become reality…or are they still only dreams?” (completed)

It’s All Antonio’s Fault “Condoms, footballs to the stomach, fake nurses, confusing hallways, and flying backpacks. Lovino Vargas’s first day at World Academy was already one of his worst, and he could only imagine that it would spiral downwards as he got to know the tomato bastard, otherwise known as Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.” (on-going)

A tale of endurance “Lovino had no idea what to do. Knowing that your life will be over in half a year tends to do that to you. Well, one thing he knew for sure. No one would ever discover this until the day he was pushing daisies. And that was a fact.” (completed)

The Risk of Love “Romano is dead and Spain is broken, spiralling into the deep, blackness of depression. And as he locks himself from the outside world, isolating himself from his friends, from everyone, in his oblivion of pain, Romano find’s he’s the only one who can help. Only, how can useless ghost like him even dream to help the slowly dying love of his life?” (completed)

Dance with me “Lovino Vargas started taking tango lessons completely by accident. Who would have thought that one day he wouldn’t mind those hands roaming over his body? That he would be dancing with his teacher as if there was no one in the room but the two of them?” (on-going)

Fireflies “Lovino was abandoned in Italy with his grandfather at age seven because his parents liked his little brother better than they liked him. On his way back from America, he sits next to a far too happy Spaniard. But, when this childish Spaniard turns out to be his new teacher, what will happen? And with a field trip to Venice on the way, what antics will they get up to?” (on-going)

El Corazón del Pirata “Fate is once kind, twice cruel. And Captain Antonio Fernandez Carriedo does not have a heart, nor does he fall in love with his prisoners. But Lovino Vargas might just be the fuel to his flame - certainly there’s more to him than meets the eye.” (completed)

More Than Lust “Why did the Spaniard always hope for the impossible? That Romano would come to him one day, confessing his feelings, and they would make LOVE? That they would cry out each others names, he could hold the Italian, wake up the next morning, and he would still be there?” (completed)

The Prince and the Pauper “When Prince Feliciano goes missing, it is up to a poor servant boy Romano to step in to take his place and thwart an evil plan to take over the kingdom. However, falling in love was something neither one anticipated. Based off of the Princess and the Pauper.” (completed)

Talking to My Shadow “Lovino spends his life telling doctors about his brother, Feliciano. They hear about his look-alike brother everyday but never see him. Lovino is finally taken to a new physiologist and he meets the doctor’s son, a springy little Spaniard who’s excited to help his new friend, no matter the difficulty. Will this illness mean a life time of seclusion for Lovino or can he win?” (completed)

Spend my time dancing “As much as Lovino loved seeing the upperclassman in his soccer jersey, he’d much rather help him take it off. It’s about time they started playing on the same field. AU. SpaMano. Various others. All’s fair in love and soccer.” (completed)

Maybe, Just Maybe “Romano couldn’t help but be instantly attracted to the stranger on the train, the one with bright green eyes and an unforgettable smile. How could something so simple end up changing his life so much?” (completed)

Dead Alone “Lovino drains the life from anything he touches, seriously. It seems that he’s the embodiment of death while his lively twin brother is his counterpart life. He has isolated himself from everyone, for their own protection. So what happens when a new transfer student decides to take an interest in him his freshman year of high school?” (on-going)

Lovino and the Conquistador “Lovino lived a life of simple pleasures; a good book, his own little world and an odd, but loving, family. However, in order to save his family, he must take their place as prisoner of a hideous beast within a gloomy castle. Based on “Beauty and the Beast” (completed)

Truth Be Told “The Well of Uncomfortable Truths is discovered & deals Spain a hard fact- "Whenever you said you loved him, you didn’t really mean it. You were thinking of his brother. They were empty words.” Can Romano be convinced about whom the Well was talking about?” (completed)

Scaliest “When his entire life is taken from him, Antonio vowed to slay the beast that ruined his life no matter the cost. But on his travels he meets a secretive, sassy bard who might be more helpful than either of them realize. Is vengeance the answer or is there more at stake?” (on-going)

All I’ve lost “Lovino Vargas has slowly fallen into the trap that is Anorexia. He meets Antonio who is a strangely kind kid. Lovino thinks maybe, just maybe…there is hope. Warnings: Depression, anorexia, bulimia, mental illness and bullying.” (completed)

Infection “Antonio didn’t know what to think of the man who randomly showed up in his home… completely naked. Yet, he still found himself drawn to this “Lovino”, only to be thrown into his worst nightmare.” (on-going)

Tomato Angel “What happens when Antonio get’s jealous? (Aftermath of ‘Awesome Being Evil’)” (completed)

Step-Lovers “King Romulus is getting married to Queen Isabel. While the wedding goes smoothly, things don’t go all that smooth for Antonio and Lovino. The heat is especially turned up when it’s decided that there will be a competition for who gets to be heir to the throne.” (completed)

There goes my life “Antonio, 26, a old gourmet chef, a bachelor who’s all party. Lovino a 20 y/o premed student who only has one goal, to be become a doctor. He is determined to let his feelings for the Spaniard fade away, but after receiving devastating news, a drunken one night stand leads to the end of life as Lovino knows it.” (on-going)

Broken Wings, Healed Hearts “Junior Lovino Vargas, a broken angel, has a dark secret he’s determined to keep to himself, now matter how much of an outcast it makes him. But will his new neighbor, Antonio, change that?” (completed)

The Reunion “Light or Dark?” Lovino asked. Feliciano studied him before answering. “Light. Light always wins” When Feliciano Vargas catches the eye of a mysterious man only by the name of “The Lord,” he finds himself and his brother on an adventure ending in Germany’s infamous Black Forest. However, the Lord’s affections are not what they appear to be and Lovino finds himself worried there is a worse threat other than some creep trying to get into his brother’s pants. (on-going)

Slowly But Surely In Love “Lovino Vargas turns fifteen, the age at which the words of peoples’ soul-mates say to them when they first meet is branded onto their wrists. Feliciano has a brand as soon as the hand strikes midnight, but why doesn’t Lovino?” (completed)

Life with Lyrics Lovino Style “Lovino struggles with what he believes is a one-sided crush and his completely oblivious, also entirely too cheerful, brother. Mentions of suicide, but not a death fic!” (completed)

Walking the Line “Maybe stumbling into Walmart in search of supplies during the end of the world wasn’t as good of an idea as Lovino initially thought. Nothing screamed desperate like raiding the aisles of a fucking Walmart for food while a hoard of the undead snarled at him from outside, but that didn’t seem to matter to the armed trio he stumbled into, or more specifically, the odd Spaniard munching on Skittles. His ideas were getting to be pretty lackluster these days.” (ongoing)

Hymn to the Sea “Please, call me Antonio,” he says. “Oh, and Lovino?” “What?” Lovino snaps, a little sharper than he wants when his brain has finally caught up to his embarrassment and he realizes he’s acting like a love-sick child. He finds he still can’t keep up when Antonio’s smile changes into something different: not the friendliness it was earlier nor the comforting warmth it was moments ago. No, this one is affectionate. “I prefer your smile over Feliciano’s any day,” he says, quiet and honest. (completed)

I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You “Throughout the 500 years they spent together, Antonio never stopped reminding Lovino of how special he was, and Lovino never stopped making Antonio the happiest man on earth.” (completed)

Lentamente “Antonio and Lovino are struggling with catastrophic life changes. A traumatic event leaves Antonio scared of his own shadow; a romantic betrayal destroys Lovino’s ability to trust people. And when coping seems impossible, can dance save them?” (completed)

We’d Be Together “Something felt off about Antonio’s new home. The stairs creaked, the windows groaned, and in the mirror he saw a face he didn’t know. The face was young but the gestures old; Toni began a romance untold. He felt an issue new to most… if only he could touch Lovino the ghost.” (completed)

Blessed WIth A Curse “Monsters are real… and they didn’t just hide in your closet or under your bed. Too bad they came in the form of Antonio Fernandez Carriedo- a Spaniard too sexy for his own good. / AU Vampire!AntonioxLovino” (on-going)

Speak  “Lovino is shy. So is Antonio. Oh dear…” (completed)

You Belong With Me “Lovino wished for a lot of things. He wished he had a family or food or fitting clothes or friends but mainly just wished to belong. He doesn’t quite get what he wished for when he meets filthy rich Antonio, who just came from Spain and has settled in the same town as the little thief. Still…it’s a start.” (completed)

The Witch of Sicily “There were still whispers, rumors that the witch of Sicily remained in that forest, cursing all who would come near. It was a place many feared to tread, treated almost as sacred ground. Only fools would dare incite the wrath of the witch by entering that place. Only fools…and pirates.” (on-going)

We the Dreamers “New York City, 1940: Antonio is a recently arrived refugee from Spain, a scarred soldier with firm political convictions. For Lovino, everything is pointless and nothing ever lasts. The two of them live, love and dream desperately, as World War Two threatens to take it all away.” (completed)

Guide Me “After witnessing a startling event, Lovino Vargas finds himself stricken with blindness from a psychological misfortune called ‘conversion disorder’. Without anyone to guide him, he is placed with Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, a novice seeing-eye counselor, who will try to help him regain his sight and if not, teach him how to live in the new dark, lonely world ahead of him.” (completed)

Pirate’s Lullaby “It was the last thing in the world that Lovino Vargas wanted. To fall in love with Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. But when the pirate takes him aboard his ship, Lovino learns that maybe it’s not so bad to be a pirate.” (on-going)

Infamous “Lovino was a childhood actor, but once the show he was a part of got canceled he thought he was free and could leave all the acting and fame up to his brother Feliciano. However, when a 'follow up’ episode is decided upon ten years later, he ends up going back. There he sees a familiar, face; Antonio Carriedo, a singer with his eye on Lovi making normal impossible” (completed)

Guilty Bliss “Lovino has had a drug problem for years that he’s never been able to stop. With his debts getting out of hand, Lovino finds himself in situations that made him wish he had quit.” (completed)

Bottoms Up! “Follow Lovino on his weird and, well, at least quite interesting trip around Europe in order to find out some of the greatest secrets ever about himself, Europe, tomato-shaped alarm clocks and the past of his lovely, but complicated Spanish partner.” (completed)

A Trip To Spain Could Only End In “Lovino is a foreign exchange student in Spain. Things were going just brilliantly before he happened upon a Spanish restaurant in the heart of Madrid where he laid eyes on a certain Spanish Sex God…” (completed)

The Pirates Treasure “Pirate Captain Antonio wants one thing, and one thing only; a mermaid. Boy or girl doesn’t matter, as long as they are royalty and can make him jewels.He’s got his wish, but dealing with this prince is going to be much harder than he thought.” (completed)

Strike a Pose, Fake a Smile “Antonio loves the stage; Romano hates it. So when he’s “convinced” into coming to drama club, he’s not gonna like it. In fact, he’s going to say things that he’ll regret. And because he’s such a good actor, this time Antonio believes him. Uh-oh.” (completed)

A Helping Hand “Antonio owns a cafe low on business. One day a strange boy comes in, running from a group of men and covered in wounds. Antonio offers for him to stay and repay him with work. As payment, the boy Lovino begins to make new dishes to bring more people into the cafe. Who is this boy and why won’t he tell Antonio anything but his name and age?” (completed)

A Beautiful Story “Lovino Romano Vargas is a suicidal designer who is unhappy with his fate. One day, he chances to meet Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, who turns his life upside down.” (completed)

Careless “This year, Antonio had priorities: grades, girlfriend and the Football competition, securing college with his two best friends! But that was before the Vargas moved in with all their drama including kidnapping, threats, and football talents. If anyone asks Lovino, not getting killed would be a clear ecstatic success. He is just what Antonio needed, or not.” (on-going)

This is it for now but I might update this if I get any suggestions, if I remember any fanfic that I missed or if I find any new good ones. If you’re an author and want me to add your fanfic or if you just want to suggest me one don’t be afraid to PM me! (because this is a masterlist after all)

[princess-of-riviaa]

Bewitching the Witcher Part 4

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Summary: Geralt grows more desperate in his search for a cure as you continue to get sicker. Meanwhile, you’re trying to mend to your broken heart while clinging desperately to sanity. Geralt still refuses to go anywhere near you. You’re desperate to change that.

Series Summary: You and The Witcher aren’t meant to be together. In fact, the only thing you two should be doing is getting as far away from each other as fast as you can. You shouldn’t. You really fucking shouldn’t. But he’s just too tempting to resist.

Author’s note: This story will have one more part after this (5 parts in total). As my first Geralt fic and series that I’ve written for tumblr, it makes me as ecstatic as a kid in a candy shop that so many people have kept up with this story and enjoyed it. I love all of my followers for their continuous support and thank everyone who has invested even a few minutes to read some of my writing.

Warning(s): yeah this one’s gonna be another heartbreaker, sorry about that; smut isn’t until later in the story; masturbation (f), voyeurism, fingering, oral (f receiving)

Nothing was the same after you got sick.

Geralt went on a rampage, rushing you and Jaskier to every town in search of a mage or a medic who might know a remedy to heal you. None did. He went through pounds of coin everyday, since every mage and medic demanded your money just to for them to examine you. When Geralt wasn’t tearing the streets of each town in desperation, he was off hunting, if only so he’d get more coin to ask more mages and medics a question that couldn’t be answered.

Jaskier worked just as hard. He went with Geralt to every person who had any knowledge in medicine. When Geralt was off hunting, Jaskier was performing anywhere he good get good coin. And when he wasn’t doing either of those things, he was by your side. He kept you company in the terrifying hours when your deliriousness took over, if only because Geralt refused to be anywhere near you when the sickness took hold of your mind. Jaskier was the one to remind you of where you were and what was going on--and, in the nights when your deliriousness got really bad, he reminded you who you were, too. Jaskier quickly became your best friend. You loved him as much as you loved Geralt; in a different way, of course, but just as intensely. Having him by your side was, for a while, the only thing that kept you going.

While Geralt and Jaskier stayed busy night and day, you barely managed to stay on your feet. You get worse with each passing day. It started with just passing out for hours at a time; scary, but nothing you couldn’t handle. When you were awake and functioning, you felt normal. Geralt even still let you go on hunts with him. And then, a couple days later, your entire body began feeling weak constantly. It took it out of you just to walk a few miles. You slept any chance you had. Still, you never felt refreshed. A couple days after that was when you began experiencing delirious spells. At first it was just small things--you lost track of time and couldn’t remember what town you were in. Everyone really began to panic when you had to ask Jaskier’s name one evening. Memories began fading right in front of your eyes and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

You never forgot about your heartache, though. You hated being away from Geralt now, but you probably hated being near him just as much. He never looked at you anymore. He always kept distance between you and him. It hurt so much more than the pain in your head. Some nights you’d stay awake crying, just begging for your sickness to make you forget about Geralt. Maybe then you’d be able to find some peace in your last few days. But you never forgot. And you could never escape him. He haunted you even in your dreams. At least in your dreams he spoke to you, even if it was just to spit in your face and say that your sickness disgusted him. You disgusted yourself, too. You were no longer a Witcher. You were the walking dead.

...

After three weeks, you finally stumbled upon someone with answers in Temeria: another Witcher. The three of you found the woman in a bar of a nameless town. With her fighting leathers and countless swords and daggers, it was clear to anyone that she was a Witcher. You and Jaskier exchanged a hopeful look as Geralt neared her.

“Witcher, we need your help,” you heard Geralt say as you huddled by the door with Jaskier. Luckily your Witcher senses were still in tact. You didn’t have to strain to hear Geralt from the other side of the room.

The woman didn’t even look up at him before spitting, “I don’t clan with other Witchers. I fight my monsters on my own.”

“I don’t need your help to kill,” Geralt said in his deep, husky voice. “I need your help to save someone.”

“What’s going on?” Jaskier wondered beside you. “What are they saying?”

You held up a hand to show you were still listening to them.

The female Witcher finally looked over at Geralt and took him in. “Saving what?”

Geralt hesitated. “Another Witcher.”

The Witcher laughed. “You’re stupider than you look. There’s no potion or tonic that can’t fix an injury.”

Geralt swallowed. “It’s not that kind of an injury.”

Silence.

You waited for the blow, for the Witcher to spew insults at Geralt. But all she said was, “You really are stupider than you look.”

Geralt said nothing in defense.

“Where’s The Witcher?” the female asked.

You began moving towards Geralt. Jaskier helped you walk, letting you lean on him if you got tired. It took you a full minute to cross the bar when it should have taken twenty seconds.

The female Witcher took you in. She eyed your pale skin, the bags under your eyes, the bones sticking out in all the wrong places. The way she looked at you would have made your cheeks with embarrassment, but people had been looking at you like that for weeks now. So instead you held her gaze and dared her to say what she was really thinking.

“How long have you been sick?” The Witcher asked you.

Geralt answered for you. “Nearly three weeks. Is there anything you know to do? Any remedy or potion to cure this?”

The Witcher looked between you and Geralt. “Lying with other Witchers is forbidden for a reason.” She picked up a scarred finger and pointed at you. “This is the reason.”

“You’re not the first person to spit in our faces that it’s an abomination,” you said, because you knew Geralt wouldn’t defend either of you. “We knew of the rules. We aren’t stupid.”

“If lack of intelligence isn’t your issue, it’s hubris,” she said. “Did you really think that you two could break the rule and you’d be the lucky ones? Did you really not expect any repercussions to your lust?”

You were quiet. You had, actually. That first time with Geralt you’d been waiting for someone to swing the axe, but when nothing had happened, you thought... You’d been stupid. You’d let your hope blind you. The universe didn’t pick sides--especially not for Witchers.

“Is there a cure or not?” Geralt growled.

The Witcher looked back at him. There was a flash of pity in her eyes that broke her nonchalant mask. “She’s been sick for three weeks, Witcher. You already know the answer to that question.” She looked back at you. “The only cure for your sickness is death.”

The Witcher had barely gotten the words out before Geralt was on his feet and charging out the door. You and Jaskier rushed after him. You weren’t nearly fast enough to keep up, but you knew where he was headed.

He was deep in the woods, sitting beside a quiet river when you found him. You looked at Jaskier and asked for him to give you and Geralt a moment. He said he would meet you two back in town and find an inn for you to stay the night. You nodded your thanks before watching him walk off. Reluctantly, you turned your attention to Geralt.

The sight of him broke you. You wanted nothing more than to run to him and feel his big arms hold you to him. You wanted to rest your head against his chest and feel his calm heartbeat. You wanted to kiss him until the sun went down, until the sun came back up. You wanted him so much it was killing you.

“There’s no cure,” he said, knowing you were behind him, knowing you were looking at him with longing. “There’s no damn cure!” He’d been holding a medium-sized rock in his hand and now threw it into the river. It skipped over the water three times before sinking below the surface.

You walked to his side and leaned against a tree beside him. It took everything inside of you not to reach out and run your hands through his hair. “It’s okay.”

He rose to his feet in a flash and turned on you, his eyes burning bright with anger. “How the hell am I supposed to be okay with this?!”

You were quiet. In the beginning, all you and Geralt had done was fight. You’d bicker and snap at each other endlessly. But he never yelled at you. He’d never looked at you like this--like he wanted to hurt you.

Fear must have been written on your face because he took a step back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean... I’m sorry.” He hung his head, no doubt turning his anger inward now.

You stepped towards him. “I’m in love with you, Geralt of Rivia.”

He looked up at you, surprise written all over his face. He wasn’t expecting that to be your next words. “Y/N--”

“No.” There was a demand in your voice. “I’m going to say this, because I haven’t said it for three weeks and it’s been killing me, and you’re going to shut up and listen.”

When he didn’t say anything, you continued.

“I’m in love with you, Geralt. I’m so in love with you I can’t see straight. I can’t fucking breathe when you’re not next to me. I love you with everything inside of me. That’s why I’m saying it’s okay. Because I am more than willing to die for you. I actually can’t think of a better way to go out.”

His features hardened the longer you spoke. “So it’s fine for you to die. Fine. But what about the rest of us you’re leaving behind?” He stepped towards you, the angry look on his face morphing into one of pain. “What about me, Y/N? What the fuck am I supposed to do when you’re dead and it’s my fault?”

“I chose this!” You argued. “I chose to be with you again and again. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into and we did it anyway. That Witcher was right--we can’t evade the consequences. So if this is what I get for all those times I kissed you and felt you touch me...” A knot formed in your throat. Your body ached for him to touch you again, and he was so close... “It was worth it to me, Geralt. I chose this path. You don’t get to take that away from me and blame it on yourself.”

He pressed his forehead against yours and breathed you in. You closed your eyes in bliss. This was the most he’d touched you in almost a month. You ached to move closer to him, but feared he would run if you did.

“I don’t let myself need anyone,” he whispered. “That’s not a luxury I can afford, not when I’m a Witcher. But you, Y/N, gods... how am I supposed to live without you?”

You brushed your fingers over his hair with a featherlight touch, unable to resist any longer. “I’ll still be with you even when I’m... not.” You pressed your hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat quicken under your touch. “I’ll always be here, even centuries from now. You’ll feel me beside you everytime you hunt a berserker. You’ll feel me everytime you hear Jaskier play one of his ridiculous songs. Just because I’m dying doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere, Geralt. I don’t think my soul knows how to leave you.”

When you opened your eyes, you found him staring at your mouth. You were mere inches apart from each other. The closest you’d been in so long...

You kissed him. Before he could pull back or say something to ruin the moment, you kissed him. It was a simple brush of your mouth against his, hardly even a kiss, but you felt his desire with that simple touch. You realized he’d been missing you just as much as you’d been aching for him. Your body burned as he kissed you harder, pulling you against him, and you let out a groan when you felt his hardening cock press against your stomach.

“Geralt...” you moaned.

And then he pulled away from you. You let out a whimper at the sudden loss of touch. You knew you couldn’t ask him to kiss you again. You were grateful he’d even let down his guard enough to do it once. Geralt wouldn’t be going near you anytime soon.

The two of you walked back to town in silence.

...

Your body was still burning long after the taste of him left your mouth. You were on edge, unable to find comfort no matter what you did that night. Geralt and Jaskier watched you leave as you retired early for the night. Hopefully some distance from him would help. It didn’t.

You tossed and turned for hours in your bed. Your body ached for him badly enough that now you couldn’t even find peace in sleep. There was only one thing left to do.

You threw the blankets back and spread your legs, imagining it was Geralt’s thick, scarred fingers touching your most intimate parts. Wetness was already pooled between your legs. You had no doubt that you’d been wet all evening. His simple kiss had awakened a fire inside of you that had cooled since your sickness began, but now it was burning hotter than ever. You moved your fingers in a circle over your clit, whimpering out Geralt’s name.

You knew how to touch yourself; you’d been on your own for centuries, you’d had to learn how to satisfy your own cravings at some point. But Geralt had learned every part of your body in these last few months. He knew what parts of you to touch to make you ache; what parts of your body made you scream when they were given just the slightest bit of attention; and he knew where to touch and kiss to make you go over the edge again and again and again. His hands felt a million times better than yours ever could.

Imagining him hovering over you, his glorious tongue licking between your folds, his hands holding you down by your hips as you writhed against him, was enough to make your pussy clench around nothing. You moaned his name again as you clenched the bedsheets next to you. This was doing nothing to help your cravings. If anything, it only made you ache for him more.

A groan from the doorway made you freeze. You opened your eyes with a gasp and looked over to see Geralt in the doorway. His eyes were dark with an animalistic lust as his gaze locked on your fingers between your legs. Even from the bed you could see the thick outline of his cock straining against his pants.

“Geralt,” you half-gasped, half-moaned.

His eyes jumped to yours. His entire body was tense, as if it took all the strength inside of him not to close the distance between you two and devour you right then and there.

“Please,” you begged. You needed him. You needed his fingers, his tongue. Only he could bring you to release.

“Y/N--” he began to protest. Even his voice was strained.

“Please,” you begged again, your voice breaking with need.

He lost all control. In two strides he was on the bed, hovering over you between your hips. He took in the sight of your pussy and the wetness that pooled around it.

“Give me your finger,” he demanded.

You brought your hand to him, the one you’d touched yourself with, and moaned like a whore as you watched him lick the juices off of it. He hummed with approval at the taste. You bucked your hips up impatiently. You needed something, anything, or you swear you’d go insane.

He didn’t wait any longer. His mouth was on you a second later and the mere lick of his tongue on your clit nearly threw you over the edge. He gripped your hips, pulling you even closer to him as his tongue devoured you. You were screaming in a matter of seconds. Your fingers tugged on his hair, pulling his mouth impossibly closer to your heat.

Your legs clenched together as he inserted a thick finger inside of you. He nudged your legs apart again. A simple flex of his finger had you moaning loudly enough you knew Jaskier could hear you on the other side of the wall. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care. A moment later Geralt inserted another finger. He curled his fingers in a gentle motion just enough for them to brush your g-spot.

“Daddy!” You cried out, feeling your orgasm nearing.

He hummed in approval as you lost control. You could feel the vibrations of his voice against your pussy, stimulating it even more. His fingers moved faster inside of you until your legs clenched around him and you came all over his fingers. He licked up your juices as they spilled out of you.

“You taste so good, baby girl,” he said against your heat. “I’ll never get enough of you.”

Once he’d licked up all your juices and left a few tender kisses on the inside of your thighs, he rose to leave.

You bolted up. “Wait!”

He stopped at the foot of your bed, watching you with a frown. “Yes?”

You swallowed, knowing what you were about to ask would only be answered with rejection. But you dared to ask anyways. “Will you stay? Just for tonight.”

He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

“Please, Geralt,” you whimpered. “I just want to sleep beside you. We don’t have to do anything. I just want to fall asleep in your arms one last time.”

He hesitated, but finally lied down on the bed again. You watched him in shock as he got under the covers. You truly thought he would say no.

“Just to sleep,” he said.

You nodded before lying down beside him. You two were quiet for a long time, just listening to the sounds of each other’s breathing. And then you felt a hand caress your face in the darkness. You moved closer to him. Your legs tangled between his as your head rested on his chest. You fell asleep to the soothing sound of his slow heartbeat, his fingers running through your hair.

It was the last good sleep you would ever have.

[gloriouszeta]

@divine-and-decaying tagged me thank you so so much !!!! nice to feel seen lol

1. Nickname: don’t really have one, though some ppl call me MegaloGod

2. Gender: female

3. Star sign: Capricorn

4. Heigh 5’5”

5. Time: 10:45 am

6. Birthday: January 11th

7. Favorite bands: Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Electric Light Orchestra, the moody blues, the doors

8. Favorite solo artist: debbid Bowie babyee

9. Song stuck in my head: whisper in the night by Electric Light Orchestra

10. Last movie: the new Beegees doc I forgot what it’s called?? How can you mend a broken heart, I think

11. Last show: MASH

12. When I made this blog: I think like 2011

13. What I post: mostly bands, vintage aesthetic shit

14. Last thing I googled: an ear training app lmao

15. Other blogs: none

16. Do I get asks: not really

17. What made you choose this blog name: it was a combination of two Muse songs

18. Following: 604

19: followers: 952

20. Average hours of sleep: highly depressed so if I don’t get 8-10 I will actually die, but I do wake up a lot and have sleep issues

21. Lucky number: I dig 11

22. Instruments: guitar, violin, a bit of bass, tiny bit of piano and organ (I’m going to have my first drum lesson tonight) (yo Rus you want to make a band 🤣)

23. What I’m wearing; my oversized Glorious Kazakhstan shirt I found in an abandoned trailer house and sweatpants (sexy(derogatory))

24. Dream job: musician and actor

25. Dream trip: southern France maybe

26. Favorite food: a l l. F o od

27. Nationality: American

28. Favorite song: this is the Impossible Question

29. Last book I read: I’m currently reading On the Road by jack Kerouac

30. Fictional universe id like to live in: the universe in which I am not depressed and writing music

Tagging uhhh @flannelfueledrampage @zaida-stardust @axshadows @doidaredisturbtheuniverse @iggy-theeskimo @drzoro @hotelcalifornia1976 @roberts-dick @footstepsofdawn or of course anyone who wants to ✌️✌️✌️✌️

[annebethchase]

❝  It was always Anne ❞

F a n d o m : Anne with an E

P a i r i n g : Shirbert

W a r n i n g s : spoilers for 3x08 !

✕    ✕    ✕

Bash eyed Gilbert suspiciously across the table, not saying anything.

He looked sick as he played with the food in his plate, not really eating any of it. The bags unde his eyes were deeper than usual and he looked white as a sheet. He clearly hand’t slept at all.

“Doesn’t Mr. Blythe like his breakfast this morning?” his mother asked worriedly, turning her attention from Delphine. “I can make something else if he’d like.”

Gilbert seemed to snap out of his thoughts.

Blinking up in confusion, he furrowed his brows at the woman.

“Oh, it all looks delicious. I just… uhm…” he mumbled. “I’m not exactly-”

“Mother, would you please be so kind to leave us a moment alone?” Bash interrupted him.

His mother widened her eyes at him, but she simply nodded, pursing her lips. She took Delphine and left the room without another word.

When Bash turned to Gilbert, he was back in his bubble, his eyes empty as he stared at the table.

Bash reached out and placed his hand upon his, making him look up at him.

He wasn’t too younger than him, but right there and then, Bash could see nothing but a scared kid sitting in front of him.

“Nobody is forcing you to propose.” he said as softly as he could.

Gilbert bit his lip.

“I know.” he replied, voice hoarse.

“Are you sure this is the right thing?”

Gilbert looked down and Bash followed his gaze. When he noticed what he was looking at, his heart sank a little.

The recipe book Anne had made for Delphine.

Bash didn’t know what exactly had happened between the two of them, but he could see that Gilbert was devasted, He didn’t believe Winifred and the Sorbonne could mend his broken heart, but he’d decided he would support his friend’s decision regardless.

“Yes. I’m sure.” Gilbert said, steadier this time, standing up and walking towards the sink, his back facing Bash.

“Do you want me to come with you to Charlottetwon?” he asked.

After a brief moment of silence, Gilbert turned and gave him a shaky smile.

“That would be a great help.”

✕    ✕    ✕

“You cannot just give up now!”

“I’m not giving up!” Anne almost screamed, turning her back to Diana and storming to the window.

“Yes, you are.” her friend said subbornly. “And Anne Shirley-Cuthbert doesn’t give up. Ever.”

“I’m not giving up.” Anne repeated, turning to look at her. “I’m letting him go. I’m giving him the chance to have the life he desires. To study in the university he wants and have his dream job. I can’t offer him any of these things, Diana. She can. ”

Diana looked at her without saying anything, her expression something between anger and pity.

“You have so much to offer and you don’t even realize it.” she said softly.

“I have words to offer.” Anne replied bitterly. “Big ideas and big dreams. But no money or stabily to lead the life he’s supposed to lead. I would simply be holding him back.”

“Sometimes you can be so dense, Anne. So much for being the first of the class.”

“I’m sorry?”

Diana sighed and took her hands, leading her to the bed and making her sit.

“Listen, I think you got his words all wrong.” she said. “I don’t think he laid out what a perfect life he could have in Paris just to say that you’re keeping him from his dream, Anne.”

“And how would you interpret his words?”

“He was saying he would give it all up for you if he knew you loved him back. You are as important as his dream job, if not more. Why can’t you see it?”

For a moment, Anne forgot to how to breath.

Maybe Diana was right. His words could indeed be interpreted that way. He could have been saying he was willing to throw everything away for her.

Still, how could she keep him away from his dream now that he had a chance to finally make it come true?

“I can’t be that selfish.” she said, her voice unsteady, standing up. “He deserves this. I can’t take it away from him only because I-I don’t want to lose him.”

She heard Diana sigh heavily behind her.

“You’re not being selfish. You’re just denying both you and him the happiness you could have.”

✕    ✕    ✕

Gilbert felt sick to his stomach.

He was no expert in marriage proposals, but he doubted that was how he should feel on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life.

He silently watched out of the window as the countryside run before him. He could feel Bash’s worried gaze on him, but he didn’t look up.

Was it really the right thing? Was he really making the best decision for his future?

You don’t want to be a country doctor. The Sorbonne is your dream. Winifred is lovely and her parents are supportive.

She’d laid it all out so perfectly it almost hurt.

He couldn’t get the picture of her dancing in the night out of his head, the flames reflecting the color of her wild loose hair blowing in the wind.

She’d been so beautiful. So beautiful and so impossible.

“-engangment party?”

Gilbert blinked, snapping out of his bubble and turning to Bash.

“What?”

“I said, do you have some ideas for the engangment party?”

He swallowed, feeling a knot in his stomach.

“I haven’t thought of anything yet.” he said, trying to cut the topic shortly.

Just as Bash was about to speak again, there was a loud whistle and the train, started slowing down.

Gilbert bit his lip at the sight of the ‘Charlottetown’ sign.

“Alright.” he said, shakily standing up. “Let’s go.”

“No kidding, you will have money to raise a dozen children.”

Gilbert glared at Bash who was watching the Roses house with wide eyes.

“Sorry.”

Gilbert just gave him a weak smile, turning to him and sighing.

“So, this is it.” Bash said, nodding.

“Seems like it.” Gilbert said, laughing under his breath.

It all felt so surreal. It was almost as if he wasn’t in complete control of his body.

“I’ll be waiting for you. Come look for me in the Bog when you’re finished, I was thinking about paying a visit to Mary’s friends.”

Mary. He would have given anything to have her as well by his side in that moment.

“You did bring the ring, didn’t you?”

Gilbert scoffed, rolling his eyes at him. He digged into the pocket of his coat, looking for little box he’d put his mother’s ring in.

But instead of the velvet box, his fingers touched something pointy and cold.

Frowning, he took it out and his breath instantly caught in his throat.

It was Anne’s pen. The one he’d borrowed from her at Miss Stacy’s place before the exams.

For a moment, everything that surrounded him disappeared as he looked at the tiny object in his hands.

Such a simple and small thing. He could almost still feel the warmth of her fingertips against his hand as she’d given it to him.

He could almost see her as she’d been that day, red hair glowing in the sun, nose buried deep in her book, brows furrowed together in concentration.

Be sure you marry for love.

Mary��s words resonated in his mind almost like a quiet prayer.

Wrong. This was all wrong.

He didn’t love Winifred. Not the way he loved Anne. It wasn’t fair to marry her. This wasn’t the path he was supposed to be taking.

It was always Anne. Yes, it had always been Anne indeed.

“You were right, Bash.” he finally said looking up.

“What?” Bash asked, glancing at the the pen in confusion.

“You were right about everything.”

✕    ✕    ✕

Empty.

That was how Anne felt as she stared at the steaming cup of tea in front of her. She couldn’t even bring it to her lips, her stomach tied in a tight knot.

That night, she couldn’t even bring herself to be delighted by the colorful shadows the setting sun casted on the walls of her room.

Suddenly, it looked grey around her, nothing really bringing her joy.

She’d been a child just a couple months before, and now she was sitting alone on her bed, her head heavy after crying for her lost love.

Despite the hurt, she knew she’d done the right thing. Gilbert deserved to be happy and follow his dreams in Paris, and if that meant being with another girl, then so be it.

Diana had pleaded her to run after him, to stop him before he could get on that train to Charlottetown, but she could never do such a thing to him. Now all she needed was to learn how to bury her feelings and be the supportive friend Gilbert deserved.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden knock on the door.

She grunted and rolled her eyes as she stood up, starting for the door.

“Matthew, Marilla, how many times do I have to tell you?” she said. “I’m alright you don’t need to-”

She stopped as soon as she opened the door because it wasn’t Matthew or Marilla’s worried faces that greeted her this time.

It was Gilbert’s.

“Hi.” he simply said, giving her a weak smile.

Anne couldn’t bring herself to greet him back, her voice stuck in her throat.

She simply stared at him, her chest heavy. His curls were all messy, his cheeks red, lips slightly parted as he tried to catch his breath. Had he always been this handsome?

Anne cursed herself in her mind for never noticing what a great person she’d had by her side for years and years. If only she’d been less foolish and childish, things would be completely different now.

When she noticed the intensity with which he was looking at her, she felt the urge to lower her eyes to the ground.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice more unsteady than she had hoped it would sound.

“Oh… uhm- I came to give this back.” he said, clearing his throat.

She bit her lip as she watched him pull out the pen she’d let him borrow that day at Miss Stacy’s place. She took it hesitantly, careful not to even brush her fingers against his.

“I-I hope it was of some help.” she stuttered, still not meeting his eyes. “During the uhm- exams.”

“It definitely was.” he said promptly.

Anne finally looked up at him, and she almost melted under his fond gaze. How could he look at her that way?

She felt tears sting the the corner of her eyes as a picture of him and Winifred together crossed her mind. He was engaged now for sure.

Sighing heavily, she took a step back from him, clutching the pen tightly.

“Thanks for bringing this back.” she said, hoping he would get it was his cue to leave.

Gilbert looked at her with a weird expressiom before he nodded and put his cap back on.

“I’ll see you around, then.” he said timidly.

No, I’ll make sure to steer clear for a while. She didn’t say it though.

She watched as he made his way down the alley, feeling as if he was taking a part of her heart away with him. Soon he’d be married, and there was nothing she could do about it.

He’d almost reached the stairs when he suddenly turned to her again.

“I didn’t propose.” he blurted out, his face suddenly red.

Anne felt all the air leave her lungs. She stumbled backwards and grabbed the door knob to steady herself.

Had she heard right?

“W-what?”

Gilbert walked forward slowly until he was standing right in front of her again.

“I didn’t propose to Winifred.” he repeated, swallowing.

Anne bit her lip, trying to calm down her heartbeat, her head spinning.

“But why?”

He didn’t answer her. He simply stared at her silently, his gaze flicking between her eyes and her lips.

“Why?” she asked again louder this time. “She’s an amazing girl, her parents could get you into the Sorbonne by fall. It was your dream, you had it all within reach, why would you ever even-”

“Because I don’t love her.” he interrupted her.

Anne blinked up at him, unable to say anything.

“I don’t love her.” Gilbert repeated, lowering his gaze. “Not the way I love- not the way I’m supposed to love the woman I decide to marry. It just wasn’t… right. She wasn’t the right person.”

When the right person comes along, someday, whenever that is, I’ll know.

A long silence stretched between them before Anne finally found the strenght to speak again.

“So… no Sorbonne.”

Gilbert shrugged.

“Queen’s will be more than fine for the time being. We’ll have to keep up the good old rivalry for a bit.”

Anne couldn’t help but smile.

Gilber smiled back at her, almost shyly, and she found herself blushing.

“I’ll be off.” he said after a while. “It’s been a long day.”

Anne nodded and he turned, walking  down the alley again.

“Gilbert!” she called after him before he could disappear down the stairs.

“Yes?”

She fidgeted with the pen, twirling it nervously between her fingers.

“I’m happy you’re coming to college with m- with all of us.”

Gilbert smiled.

“I’m happy too.”

“Goodnight, Gilbert.”

“Goodnight, Anne.”

And for the first time in weeks, it truly was a good night.

[swissmissficrecs]

Hi! Could you recommend some fics that have bad ass protective John/Sherlock? Preferably protective of each other. Thank you and have a nice day 😃

Reply: Someone else asked for hurt Sherlock/protective John recs a while back, and I directed them to my Sherlock!whump list because John is often protective of Sherlock in those, although perhaps not in a “bad ass” sense (I’m also not quite sure what that would entail).

Then I have a BAMF!Sherlock list that focuses on Sherlock going into action, again in many cases it’s to help John.

Finally, I’ve gone through my bookmarks and picked all of the fics tagged with either “protective John” or “protective Sherlock”, so hopefully there will be something here that fits what you’re looking for:

Protective Johnlock

Bruise Break Mendby allonsys_girl (12K, E, Johnlock)John's unsure about the depth and darkness of his desire for Sherlock. Sherlock's got a little surprise for him.

Command Structureby 221b_hound (49K, E, Johnlock)Sherlock Holmes returns from his hunt to destroy Moriarty's network. He comes home to John, and at long last they start this thing between them that couldn't begin while Moriarty threatened them. But Sherlock has returned fractured and suffering anxiety attacks. He thinks he needs discipline - the whip - to help him focus and be strong. But his problems are deeper and run back to a childhood of neglect.  John Watson is prepared to be Sherlock's Captain, but he's a doctor too. His command style isn't about pain and subjugation. It's about care and responsibility: and those concepts go in both directions in Captain Watson's command structure.

Grey Mattersby J_Baillier (18K, M, Johnlock)Doctor Sherlock Holmes is the hospital's new neurosurgical star. He performs miracles with his scalpel, but his bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. The task to address the issue falls on Doctor John Watson, one of King's College Hospital's senior neuroanaesthetists.(This is part one of a much longer series; later installments are also tagged with “protective John”.)

Harmless Thingsby J_Baillier (16K, M, Gen)This is definitely not how John had imagined their Saturday night.

Haunted by Vulpesmellifera (22K, E, Johnlock)Plagued by the past, John moves himself and his daughter to a new flat for a fresh start - and it's not 221B Baker Street.While he grapples with new knowledge and old guilt, he's confronted with odd neighbors and strange noises in the night. But is it the new flat, or is John Watson losing his grip on reality?

Houndsby quietasasleepingarmy (21K, E, Johnlock)Sherlock enlists John's help with a case that falls far beyond his area of expertise. Post-HLV.

I Just Want You for My Ownby cwb (166K, E, Johnlock)Sherlock and John head home from their respective schools for the winter break.(This is part 3 of a longer series, but it is the only one tagged with “Protective John”.)

In A Changing Age by allonsys_girl (15K, E, Johnlock)Sherlock wakes up in the 19th century, with no idea how he got there.

Lightning and Sea Glassby 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for (18K, E, Johnlock, Mollrene)The mad Professor Moriarty and his reluctant assistant John Watson have reanimated the dead -- and the results are beautiful. At least John thinks so. When Moriarty rejects his creation, John disappears with the creature to protect it, sealing their fates together.

Lunar Landscapesby J_Baillier (57K, M, Johnlock)An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Screaming In Cathedralsseries by J_Baillier (53K, M, Johnlock)The challenging journey that starts with you and me and ends with us, featuring a brain aneurysm, opera, a death in the family and some lonely ducks off the coast of Northumberland.

The Breaking Wheelby J_Baillier (93K, M, Johnlock)His immune system is decimating his nervous system - a civil war raging inside of him. Is there a reaction he's supposed to be having to this news, now? Something normal: cry, scream, pound the wall? Shake his fist at the uncaring universe? John can't stop this. An uncomfortable bed at some hospital ward isn't going to stop this. They keep telling him that this will most likely pass, but no one is answering the most important question: how will he be able to endure the uncertainty and the long wait?

The Ground Beneath Your Feetby Chryse (68K, E, Johnlock)Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.

The Infinite Curse Of A Lonely Heartby potrix (13K, M, Johnlock, Warstan)Sherlock agrees to be the best man. John is his friend and that's what you do for your friend.Sherlock prepares and delivers the best man speech for his friend. John is his best friend and that's what you do for your best friend.Sherlock watches his best friend get married and smiles on. John is the person he loves and that's what you do for the person you love.Sherlock kills the man threatening the person he loves. John is his world and that's what you do for you friend, your best friend, the person you love, the love of your life, your world.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (79K, E, Johnlock)A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson. 

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (72K, M, Johnlock)They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril.They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”  Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods.Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.