#how do you accept the inevitability of death when it isn’t necessarily permanent?

[nellasbookplanet]

In the wake of FCG' fate I've been thinking about death in ttrpgs, and how it kind of exists on three levels:

There’s the gameplay level, where it only makes sense for a combat-heavy, pc-based game to have a tool for resurrection because the characters are going to die a lot and players get attached to them and their plotlines.

Then there’s the narrative level, where you sort of need permanent death on occasion so as not to lose all tension and realism. On this level, sometimes the player will let their character remain dead because they find it more interesting despite there being options of resurrection, or maybe the dice simply won’t allow the resurrection to succeed.

Then, of course, there’s the in-universe level, which is the one that really twists my mind. This is a world where actual resurrection of the actual dead is entirely obtainable, often without any ill effects (I mean, they'll be traumatized, but unless you ask a necromancer to do the resurrection they won’t come back as a zombie or vampire or otherwise wrong). It’s so normal that many adventurers will have gone through it multiple times. Like, imagine actually living in a world where all that keeps you from getting a missing loved one back is the funds to buy a diamond and hire a cleric. As viewers we felt that of course Pike should bring Laudna, a complete stranger, back when asked, but how often does she get this question? How many parents have come and begged her to return their child to them? How many lovers lost but still within reach? When and how does she decide who she saves and who she doesn’t?

From this perspective, I feel like every other adventurer should have the motive/backstory of 'I lost a loved one and am working to obtain the level of power/wealth to get them back'. But of course this is a game, and resurrection is just a game mechanic meant to be practically useful.

Anyway. A story-based actual play kind of has to find a way to balance these three levels. From a narrative perspective letting FCG remain dead makes sense, respects their sacrifice, and ends their arc on a highlight. From a gameplay level it is possible to bring them back but a lot more complicated than a simple revivify. But on an in-universe level, when do you decide if you should let someone remain dead or not? Is the party selfish if they don’t choose to pursue his resurrection the way they did for Laudna? Do they even know, as characters, that it’s technically possible to save someone who's been blown to smithereens? Back in campaign 2, the moment the m9 gained access to higher level resurrection they went to get Molly back (and only failed because his body had been taken back by Lucien). At the end of c1, half the party were in denial about Vax and still looking for ways to save him, because they had always been able to before (and had the game continued longer it wouldn’t have surprised me had they found a way). Deanna was brought back decades after her death (and was kind of fucked up because of it). Bringing someone back could be saving them, showing them just how loved and appreciated they are. Or it could be saving you, forcing someone back from rest and peace into a world that's kept moving without them because you can’t handle the guilt of knowing you let them stay gone when you didn’t have to. How do you know? How would you ever know?

[forevercloudnine]

batman forever riddlebat ship meme

(This one was inevitable. God, do I love this movie. @heroes-etc​ gave me questions from this ship meme.)

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

The obvious answer here is Edward because he is... clearly and pathologically insecure in his identity and requiring outside approval. You could argue he gets over this once he adopts his flamboyant supervillain identity, but as soon as he steps out of it to be Edward Nygma again he’s as self-conscious as ever. On some level his Bruce cosplay at the Nygmatech party is probably supposed to be a dig at his former idol, but it’s pretty transparent that he’s paranoid about not measuring up, especially once Bruce actually walks in.

As for what makes him feel better, two obvious high points of his self-esteem right off the bat (lol) are when Bruce is giving him positive attention in his intro scene, and directly afterwards when he’s murdering his boss for ragging on him.

Of course, neither external validation or murder is, like, a permanent solution to insecurity. Obviously. If they ever got together Bruce would probably make him go to therapy, which would be incredibly hypocritical because, as Dr. Meridian points out in this movie, that’s not exactly something Bruce is doing. Although in Bruce’s defense, if you count the novelizations as canon for this continuity, the psychiatrist Alfred hired for him as a child basically wrote him off as a lost cause that was going to inevitably self-destruct at some point in adulthood. So I can see why he’d think therapy isn’t for him. 

"Young Bruce may seem quite the stalwart, but there’s still a child beneath that veneer of calm acceptance [...] The day will come when that veneer crumbles, and the boy reacts to the memory of his ordeal. Such matters may be postponed, but not indefinitely. And the longer this one is delayed, the greater the damage will be to his psyche.”

“Still,” Alfred pressed. “How do you think this will all come out? Off the record, if you prefer.”

Another pause. “I am not terribly optimistic,” the stout man admitted. “But I assure you, I will do my best.”

Alternatively, Bruce just lets Edward borrow his clothes and calls it a day. It’s less time consuming than therapy and both the movie and novelization demonstrate how into that Edward is.

He was murmuring to himself, “We’ll probably be dining at Wayne Manor together.” He envisioned Bruce sitting across from him, and began to launch into a narrative [...] “Yes. Yes. A Party in my honor? I should have rented a tuxedo. What?” he couldn’t believe it, “One of yours, Bruce?” He gave it a moment’s thought and then shrugged. “Why not? We are the same size.”

3. Who is the most romantic?

 Uh, not Bruce! Batman Forever is the most thoughtfully romantic he gets in the entire series, and even here his only two dates ideas are “whatever Gotham social event my secretary tells me I need a date for” and “coming on to my date in my alternate identity to see if she loves me enough not to cheat on me with Batman.” Also, he vacillates between staunchly refusing to do any flirting at all and dishing out the least romantic pick-up lines possible.

You say “bad writing,” I say “totally in character for a hot rich guy who knows that this is as hard as he has to try to get into someone’s pants.” Bruce might love his partner with the intensity of a thousand dying suns, but he’s still sending Alfred to buy all their Valentine’s Day presents. His idea of a romantic evening for two is finally trusting someone enough to tell them his secret identity. If he’s done that already, or they already figured it out, then his playbook is over. That’s clearly the only romantic fantasy he’s ever allowed himself.  

(I was going to say he does this once every movie, but he actually never does this in Batman & Robin specifically because he doesn’t actually care about Julie Madison. She proposes to him and he gets her name wrong while shooting her down. Add that to the “Bruce Wayne isn’t romantic” box.)

The ridiculous amount of magazine cut-outs populating Edward’s apartment indicates that he probably has a very vibrant and extensive set of fantasies involving Bruce, which is hinted at a couple times in the novelization.

Edward would certainly know him when he saw him. He’d spent enough time anticipating the moment, after all [...] Finally he was going to be meeting Bruce Wayne face-to-face, and he had every moment of the encounter scripted [...] He’d rehearsed it to perfection in his mind for weeks upon months.

In the grand scheme of things... in the fabulous, sweeping, intertwining destinies of Bruce Wayne and Edward Nygma, such a slip would not even rate a footnote.

He becomes suddenly and painfully aware that if Bruce Wayne walked away without Edward Nygma by his side, then that would be it. It would be finished. All these weeks, months... indeed, a lifetime of planning... and it was crumbling under him just like that.

Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean his fantasies are all romantic in the traditional sense of the word. This is a man who was charmed by Harvey holding a charity circus hostage with some kind of graffitied missile warhead. Tonally, there’s not even that much of a difference between his crush collages and his riddle death threats.

What’s weirder, using a magazine cutout of someone you hate to make a pop-up card of their face, or using a magazine cutout of someone you love to replace the anatomically correct heart in the cardiovascular system diagram you keep in your apartment/arcade/makeshift laboratory? Probably the former, since it was made with the express purpose of Bruce actually seeing it. Although presumably Edward was planning on taking Bruce to his apartment at some point? And in the novelization, he actually drags Bruce into his cubicle to look at his Wayne Shrine.

He grabbed Bruce’s arms and shouted “No, don’t leave me! I need you!” [...] Bruce was thunderstruck as he was pulled partway into Edward’s office... and then he caught sight of the shrine. 

Edwards’s head bobbed eagerly. Now, finally, Bruce would understand the depth of Nygma’s devotion to his idol. He would see how important he was to Nygma.

Notably, the only thing that upsets Bruce about the fact that one of his employees has a serial killer wall dedicated to him at their work station (@heroes-etc: realistically.... IS this the first time this has happened? i doubt it.) is the fact that the shrine includes a picture of him taken directly after his parents’ death, which is obviously a huge trigger for Bruce’s PTSD.

Wayne’s gaze zeroed in on the picture of himself as a young man. 

The eyes of Wayne the elder locked with Wayne the younger, and when he slowly turned his scrutiny back to Edward Nygma, Edward could feel the temperature in the cubicle drop to subzero.

Later, once Bruce isn’t being actively reminded of the most traumatizing day of his life, he reflects that he could probably relate to Edward’s specific brand of crazy, and hopes that it’s not too late to try again (it is).

He paused momentarily at Edward Nygma’s cubicle, thinking about the intensity he’d seen in the man’s eyes the other day. Nygma’s ideas might have been a bit odd, but that sort of passion—if properly channeled—could accomplish miracles. That was something Bruce Wayne certainly knew better than anyone else. Perhaps after this fiasco was the time to take Nygma aside under less-pressured circumstances. Start again...

With any other character, I would call bull on their being this unphased by someone being obsessed enough with them to build a stalker shrine, but, like. It’s Batman. He probably has a stalker shrine to Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman in his cave somewhere. When they start dating, Edward mails the weirdest magazine cutout valentines to his office on the regular, and every time Bruce has to assure his staff that it’s not a ransom letter and it’s just “his boyfriend being romantic.”

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

I mean, by most people’s standards, any one of the things that Edward does in front of Bruce could easily be the most embarrassing thing to happen to them in their lifetime. But for the most part, Edward seems blissfully free of that kind of self-consciousness. He accidentally introduces himself to Bruce as “[extended moaning sound] Bruce Wayne” and shakes it off without even registering his mistake. Even when he feels like Bruce has rejected him and his project, his emotional state is more shocked, saddened, and angry than it is ashamed. He does apologize to Bruce, during the scene where they first meet, for holding on to his hand too long during their handshake. And by “handshake” I mean that Bruce extends his hand to be shaken, and Edward just grabs on and holds it without any motion whatsoever for the entire first half of their conversation. Which might be the only time he ever apologizes in the entire movie. So I’ll say that was his moment of embarrassment.

Bruce only really embarrasses himself in front of Alfred, but Edward does manage to trick Bruce into getting scanned by his mind reading device at the Nygmatech party. Being tricked in general would be pretty awkward for Bruce, since this movie goes out of its way to show the audience how SMART and CLEVER and KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT BRAINWAVES Bruce is at every opportunity. But being tricked into getting your mind read is about a million times more embarrassing than just running into a wall like some kind of Looney Tune. Obviously having access to Bruce’s mind allows Edward to figure out that his former boss/current obsessee is Batman, but also it’s just got to be super weird in there. Bruce is a bizarre man.  

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Whether he’s idolizing Bruce or plotting his destruction, Edward is still seeing the subject of his lifelong obsession as a larger than life exaggeration of the real man. Some of that pedestal would probably survive into the beginning of a romantic relationship, but by the time they got serious Edward would have had to recognize that Bruce has both positive and negative traits. He would also have had to grapple with the fact that the man he once assumed would make everything in his life better is a lot of work to be around, especially in this movie’s continuity where the trauma of his family’s death and his guilt over allowing enemies like Joker to die are genuinely affecting Bruce’s day-to-day functionality.

(A lot of things, Chase.)

Edward’s introduction scene demonstrates that he doesn’t see Bruce as having these kinds of problems. His Escapism Wish Fulfillment Device TM is clearly a very personal project for him, since he, you know. Is kind of already living in a Bruce-centric fantasy world.

When he’s pitching it to Bruce, however, he states that he doesn’t think someone like Bruce would ever need to escape reality (which could just be ingratiating flattery, but he barely seems aware of what he’s saying at the time because he’s too busy staring with his mouth open at Bruce putting on glasses).

(Side note: an interjection from @heroes-etc​

Anyway, moving on.)

Obviously we know he’s wrong, since Bruce escapes his reality every night by dressing up like a bat and scaring people. Normally that’s just subtext (or me being cynical and creating subtext), but Batman Forever introduced a hot psychiatrist who is constantly poking at Batman for being a power fantasy created by a traumatized mind to cope with intense feelings of helplessness in childhood. 

 The novelization makes it clear that it’s not the illusion of perfection that Edward is attracted to, however. The picture of Bruce in Crime Alley is what kickstarts Edward’s obsession, not because Bruce seemed flawless but because he seemed to be going through similar pain as Edward (whatever Edward’s pain even IS in this continuity). So I think recognizing Bruce’s issues would be less of a dealbreaker and more of a point of connection, were they to get serious.

He saw, there in Bruce Wayne’s face, an intensity that mirrored his own. An anger, a frustration at the hand that fate had dealt him. There were no tears on Bruce’s face. Instead there was a smoldering intelligence that Edward intuitively sensed was on par with his own. 

There was something in Bruce’s eyes, something in that gaze. There was Bruce, in a moment of raw emotion, his parents just having been cruelly taken from him. And there was no self-pity. Just cold, hard anger.

[...] Ed still had the newspaper with him when he was walking home from school. Not that he needed it to read; the contents were safely locked away in his skull, thanks to his photographic memory. But he wanted to clip out the articles and pictures about Bruce Wayne. He found the young man fascinating, as if he had discovered a soulmate of sorts.

For Bruce, on the other hand, getting serious presumably just means attempting to include Edward more and more in the found family he builds in the latter half of the 90’s Batman movies. Alfred approving a love interest is not quite as tantamount in this continuity as it is sometimes (Micheal Gough Alfred is pretty laid back), but Bruce is still spending all of his non-Batman, non-socialite time with his butler. So if Edward wants to hang out with Bruce, he has to either get on Alfred’s good side or prepare for a lot of “romantic quality time” where his boyfriend’s dad is glaring at him from the background.

Dick is less important to get on the good side of, since he and Bruce argue all the time in these movies (apparently one of the proposed scripts for Batman & Robin was Bruce kicking Dick out of the house and making him go to college, where Dick would cope with his dad-related anger by bullying his psychology professor Dr. Crane into becoming a supervillain. I personally feel like I deserved to see that Scarecrow origin). So if Dick doesn’t like Bruce’s new boyfriend, it’s just one more thing for them to be catty to each other about.  

Alfred’s niece Barbara Wilson on the other hand (who is adorable as a fusion of Barbara Gordon and Julia Pennyworth, do not @ me) would be absolutely vital for Edward to win over, because her opinion could easily either make or break his standing with her uncle. Also Bruce decided to adopt her within five minutes of meeting her, so he’s obviously fond.

19. Where do they go on their first date?

Edward’s fantasy sequence in the novelization makes it obvious enough that he would really, really like to have dinner at Wayne Manor. Hanging out at someone’s house isn’t really a traditional first date, especially if one of you is a billionaire who could have taken you literally anywhere, but clearly none of that matters to Bruce, because that’s exactly the first date he invites Vicki Vale on in Batman (1989).

It’s pretty painfully awkward (“You want to know the truth? I don’t think I’ve ever been in this room before”) until Bruce gives up on the formality and takes her down to eat the rest of their courses with Alfred in the kitchen.

I feel like his first date with Edward could probably go the same way, with a few major differences. One, Edward would have been super enthused about eating in the fancy dining hall, and Bruce would have only suggested finishing their meal in the kitchen because Edward clearly wanted to see As Much Of The Manor As Possible. Two, when Alfred offers to stop embarrassing Bruce and leave them alone for the end of their date, Edward would have insisted he stay and break out the baby albums. You cannot convince me that Alfred is not a scrapbooker. Actually, does what Edward’s doing count as scrapbooking? Maybe they could compare notes.

[rokutouxei]

together through the fog

ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark theo van gogh / mc | T | 2518

Born frailer than your average pureblood vampire, she's doomed to need fresh human blood—not just rouge—to survive. Drinking from them will cost more than just blood: and she doesn't want to make them pay that price, especially not the one she loves the most. What decisions are you free to make when you don't really have a choice—and how is Theo going to convince her that staying a little longer isn't so bad if he's with her? 

chapter 2 of 3

“A gallery?”

“Yes, a gallery,” she says, once more, not blinking. “Are you even listening to me, Theo?”

It’s been two weeks since his last visit to her at the mansion. He would have preferred to come a little more often, but he is not the boss of his work most days. He blinks and shakes his head side-to-side as if shaking himself awake.

“No, I am listening. Setting up a gallery to host artists is one thing, but making a permanent exhibition?” he asks again. He doesn’t dare to finish with the rest of the unsaid sentence of it’s as if you’re dying and giving your collection away. He knows that’s what it means.

Especially with what Sebastian told him last week.

“Sir Theodorus, I don’t think I have the right—”

“That makes it even more suspicious, do you realize that?”

He had just asked the butler whether or not the lady of the house was entirely alright—if she was harboring any sort of secret ills, or a lament that Theo ought to know about. The butler cringed at having been caught, carefully wringing his hands behind his back.

“The miss... is rather ill, but she refuses to seek treatment.”

“…Refuse? Why would she?”

“Sir, that’s entirely out of my bounds to say now,” Sebastian insists, shaking his head. “But if I may—please do what you can to convince her. You might be the only one who has the ability to do so.”

The Comtesse, however, was unnerved by his statement, simply going back to her usual cup of tea, which seemed a little… more red than usual. “A permanent exhibition makes a statement. That is what we want, isn’t it?”

“We want the artists to get the credit they deserve, not the Academie to come after your neck,” Theo emphasizes. “Aristocrat or not, there’s a high chance that you will still be targeted for setting up an exhibit like that.”

“Then let them do it,” she insists. “If they have nothing better to do, I can entertain them for a little bit.”

-

Even if it is not aligned to his wishes—and he knows that beneath it, there is a hidden thing going on—Theo does not argue about her setting up the gallery as she desired. After all, she had already purchased the building by the time she contacted him, and regardless of his help, she would be setting up the exhibit as she pleased. He wasn’t the only art dealer she knew, after all.

It was a lonely day, the day they hauled the paintings out of the mansion and into the carriages that would bring them to the gallery. He requested to be there even if he didn’t have to, and he watched as the workers they hired hauled armfuls of Monets and Rembrandts and—of course—even van Goghs. He joined her in walking along the hallways of the mansion looking for any missed pieces. She had decided to strip the mansion’s walls empty of any paintings, save for those that were family heirloom.

They find an imitation of Friedrich’s Wanderer above the Sea of Fog still hanging in her bedroom, which she kindly asks him to take down without much emotion.

It was as if she was going away somewhere else, somewhere far away, and she did not have the heart to bring the paintings with her, so they would have to part right here.

Theo does not like the sinking feeling of it in his gut.

“This isn’t an original, isn’t it?” he remarks, even if he already knew. She nods as he comes down the chair to set the painting down on the floor, lightly dusting the frame. “It seemed to be of your liking.”

“I grew up around romantic paintings, Theo,” she answers. “The style might not be a direct copy of Friedrich’s, but the essence is still there. And that’s the point—it’s the essence that always counts.”

“Perhaps an original Friedrich would be to your tastes as well,” he offers, as he hauls the painting up into his arms to carry it downstairs. “There’s an exhibition to be held downtown in a few days. Maybe you would like to accompany me.”

She nods. “Mm, an authentic Friedrich would enrich this collection, wouldn’t it?” When she brushes past him on her way out of the door, Theo can see how pale she’s become, much paler than she regularly is. He remembers Sebastian’s words. Feels a sense of dread rise up. “Consider it done then. Won’t you fetch me up here on the day?”

“In three days,” he says. “Of course. It would be my pleasure.”

-

The exhibit is a quiet place to be. Friedrich’s paintings have always held that sense of solitude and sadness that was out of favor—in comparison to the beautiful sunlit fields and landscapes—and even now, fifty and so years after his death, no matter how strong his work is in terms of composition, he remains largely not that well-known.

The exhibit gallery is a good place to be alone.

She’s wearing a somber, dark blue dress whose subtle golden accents match with her earrings. She has always worn around her that subdued kind of beauty, but today, she looks even more toned-down than usual. Every minute of the trip to the city he had expected her to cough up a lung, or maybe faint, or something that will assure him: yes, something is wrong. Yes, you must do something. No, you can’t just keep watching.

But she doesn’t.

Instead, she holds her posture up like any respectable Victorian woman would do and looks at the paintings with wide-open eyes. Some of these she’s seen before, for sure, but she always looks at them with a wonder Theo cannot put into words. She looks 16 again, he muses, at that gallery where they first met, wondering about art, looking for someone to talk to.

Except they aren’t that young anymore.

“Theo, what do you feel about death?”

They are standing in front of the original version of Wanderer above a Sea of Fog, out of earshot from the rest of the visitors to the exhibit, when the question is asked. Theo instantly turns to her with a kind of fear, but her face is placid; calm; like she had instead asked what the weather was, or what was the color of her dress.

“Inevitable,” is what he decides to answer, looking back up at the painting when she just patiently waits for him to speak. “Its inevitability is comforting.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re always striving to be better than the next person, but death—death will strike us all equally in the end,” he explains. “At the end of the day, it is all insignificant. The world is vast. All that matters is we do what we can, for the things we hold important.”

She nods quietly.

Theo feels like he ought to say something. Pull something out of his pocket about Friedrich, twist it on his tongue until it sounds about him but is, in truth, about her. Something about understanding the depth of loneliness in the vast abandoned spaces of his paintings and yet seeing it in a beautiful light. Something about reframing the solitude into one that is beautiful instead of frightening. Something about the acceptance of it.

But every train of thought brings him back to the very human fear of death. That while it is comforting, one does not necessarily want to look it in the eye so soon. He does not want to talk to her about death. He wants to talk to her about staying.

“Theo, I know you know, so you don’t need to hide it.”

When he snaps back to reality she is no longer looking at the painting, but at him, a gentle smile on her face.

“Then we can skip the questions and I can ask you why you’re not getting treatment.”

“That’s… not your question to ask,” she tries to say, but—

“I’m your friend,” he answers back. “Let me be concerned.”

The truth is that she does want to tell him—always had—but it’s always been a matter of knowing where to begin. There is too much to say, too much to parse, too much to nuance… and if doing those meant hurting him, why ever would she tell him?

But what now that not doing it would also hurt him?

“I’ve always wanted to be human,” she begins. “To live even if life is one tragedy after another. To accept that the world might… really never go in or favor. But I wasn’t born into that.” she looks down at her feet. “This death, this frailness… this is the closest I can get to that. I want to understand what it’s like.”

“What more do you have to know?” he asks. “I heard. You’ve been ill for years. No human in their right mind would accept being ill for so long without some attempt at recovery.”

“I am not human,” she insists. “Besides, I made a choice.”

“What choice?”

“About—” She catches herself and then softly laughs, turning to him with a smile. “How much did Sebastian tell you?”

“Enough—is what I thought, but it seems like not quite,” he answers.

Quiet. There’s a guilt that gnaws in her belly for not having been honest with him all this time. For not telling him outright. About this. About her. About everything. But she knows she only did that for his own sake. She just didn’t want to hurt him.

“Friedrich comforts me because his paintings understand what my life has been like,” she says, instead. “He knows what it’s like to know this loneliness.”

And I don’t want you to know what that’s like, her mind finishes. She wishes, deep in her heart, that Theo can hear the unfinished bits of her sentences.

“I see Friedrich a little differently.”

“Oh?” she looks up at him curiously. “Tell me about it then.”

“I don’t know how much you know about the artist himself,” he begins, “but Friedrich was alone at a young age. He was seven when his mother died. Several of his siblings died soon after. One was said to have died after an attempt of rescuing him from death.”

A kind of somber smile fills her face. “That explains a lot, doesn’t it?”

“He preferred painting landscapes, as you can tell. He forayed with portraiture and even watercolor as well, but—he eventually turned to oil and landscapes. And he unearthed something in them.” Theo pulls his gaze away from her, onto the rest of the paintings hanging on the walls of the gallery. “His contemporaries painted landscapes as well, not just him. Hackert, von Dillis. But his is different.”

“They are,” she agrees, looking up at the View of the Baltic from the other side of the room. “His landscapes are lonelier.”

Theo nods. “Indeed. But that’s only because he did not fear the loneliness that would come out of the images that were drawn. He did not shy away from that solitude, the harshness of nature. The deep sky in Winter Landscape. The shadows of the forest in The Chasseur in the Forest.”

“Why would he fear loneliness when he’s known it for so long?”

“This one,” Theo says, pointing up at the painting in front of them, “is it lonely?”

She blinks. “A single human looking down at the jagged cliffs below? It is.”

And Theo smiles. Smiles so openly she feels herself stutter inwardly because of it. “To me, it isn’t.” He focuses his sea-blue eyes onto the painting in front of them, in all its oil and canvas glory. “To me, it’s… reflective. Empowering. One man, standing over the rest of eternity, symbolized in the jagged cliffs in front of him. There is so much out there—so much to fear, but he stands there, walking stick in hand, facing the fog as if saying: come at me. I am not afraid of you.”

She is quiet. How does one respond to something like that anyway? An opening of his heart she didn’t expect him to do, and in a way that has left her breathless.

He finally turns to her after what seems like an infinite length of silence. “I don’t know what you think being human means. But to me—the human—this is what it means. The recklessness. The hardheadedness. And even if the dark knocks all of the fight out of a person—they will punch right back, even if it is all they can do to acknowledge the darkness.” Then, quietly, a wordless bid of support, he offers his arm for her to take. “I think you ought to consider that option too.”

She laughs quietly, sliding her arm around his. “You want me to punch it away? Let’s see what that will do.”

“There’s no knowing until you try, mademoiselle,” he says, half-sarcastically, as the both of them make their way out of the gallery.

-

She tells him they should part at the gallery’s doorstep but he insists to send her back home, and he is in the carriage before she can even say no. They spend the next half hour quiet on the way back to the mansion. Theo feels like he ought to say something more. He does not have anything more to say.

There’s no convincing a dead man out of their grave.

When they get to the door, she asks Sebastian to escort Theo out of the mansion. When the butler doesn’t, she makes a soft comment about disliking disobedient men—but then lets Theo stay anyway, following her all the way to right at the doorway of her room, where she shuts the door behind her.

For a long, quiet moment, they stay there. Theo, with his forehead against the door from the outside, and her, back against the door as she sits on the floor, exhausted, body heaving with pain, head spinning. She doesn’t have much longer. She never did. The opening of her gallery is in one more week. What if she doesn’t make it till then? Will she be able to leave it in Theo’s hands? Perhaps she ought to give him money, or perhaps—

“The artists would want to see you,” he says, from outside the door. Her heart falls flat to the ground. Theo knows where it hits.

She takes a deep breath and answers back—as clearly as she can when her voice is already shaking. “Please give them my greetings.”

And then, he bangs his fist one time against the door; but on her side it feels hollow, empty. Will she even make it through the night at this rate? “You have to get the treatment you need.”

But to her, the “truth” is what she believes in, what she promised herself she would get, and so—“Theo, it’s not worth it. Please leave me.”

He calls out her name in the weakest of voices and she says—

“Please.”

[eligos-venator]

In regards to Villainy

I’ve been watching the villain post make its rounds and reblogged it earlier quietly with a small rant in the tags about personal concerns of my own. It’s shown up multiple times since then to where I feel some clarification is required on my part personally, as Eligos’s writer.

Communication and mutual agreement is required on all sides in RP, and nobody gets a free pass to do whatever they please because of some label that helps define their typical position in a roleplay. My gear gremlin was made for me as a player to enjoy watching him learn and grow as a person, and to provide minor inconveniences for other players should they wish him to get in their way as a way to help provide character growth for their muses. Not to be some big bad boss who gets their jollies by harming others. And I will not change him to suit anyone’s personal tastes but my own.

Read on if you want to see my whole take on this. Or not.

Let’s start with what the definition of villain actually means, given it’s a vaguer concept than most would like to think:

Definition of villain

1: a character in a story or play who opposes the hero 2: a deliberate scoundrel or criminal 3: one blamed for a particular evil or difficulty

These definitions are a rough guideline, but overall, all it takes to fall into the category of being a villain is a willingness to oppose a hero, regardless of reasoning or intent. Even in a clash of two heroes, you could call one the villain in that particular story for how they oppose the other. It’s a matter of perspective. One could be the villain of a story merely because they aim for the opposite goal of the hero of that tale, even if both end goals are suitably noble in the scheme of things. We often see in literary works that the villains of stories oft have either selfish or noble intentions, and in the case of the latter, what turns them into villains is how they view the world and how they may have let other important aspects fall to the wayside in their single-minded devotion to their goal.

Rarely is it that a good villain is written to be cruel and harsh for its own sake.  The villain’s view of the world may be twisted, but there’s always an element of logic and reason, the same as you might see in a heroic character. Even initially good motivations and desires can be twisted into something absolutely horrendous and monstrous with the right pulls of the string in a character’s history. Some can have their world views changed for the better with time, while others struggle in vain to understand to the bitter end. But that’s how the cookie crumbles. Not all endings are happy, and not every character deserves a happy ending in a story book, especially so when considering how many that they have made suffer through their actions. But by that consideration, heroes aren’t above similar karmic justice as well, simply because they wore the mantle of hero. Nor are they automatically entitled to their happy ending. Harming others, regardless of role one sees themselves in a story, inevitably begets wrath and a desire for similar harm upon the one who originally inflicted it. And while that may lead to interesting interactions, it doesn’t always unfold in a way where things work out where each party gets their just desserts as people believe they should. We watch what happens as a story unfolds, and the job of the mun in roleplay is to portray the character as their motivations, desires, and ethics would bid them do, be it for weal or woe.

But there are additional aspects to keep in mind when roleplaying, and it isn’t simply limited to keeping to the character. Communication ahead of time, and discussing what is acceptable, what isn’t, and what one expects to come of roleplay with another, must all be done in order to ensure things go in a manner both parties are ok with what may happen and are on the same page. There never should be any ‘well that’s what my character would do’ bullshit when it comes to discussing boundaries and hard limits on what one finds acceptable versus unacceptable in roleplay. If you feel your character would not be able to be played in a manner in which you prefer due to said boundaries or rules, it is best to find roleplay elsewhere. To push or pressure one into ignoring their own personal comforts and boundaries is unacceptable. Even when walking up to someone, there still is an expectation of some communication on an out of character level should you intend to harm their character. This isn’t reserved only for villains to do. That’s placing undue burden on one player type while relaxing standards for the rest. All players must heed this if communication is to be healthy, in order to avoid crossed wires. 

Which brings us to concerns people run across in roleplay. There indeed are players who play a character type due to the power fantasy, and do not properly communicate with their fellow players, nor keep in mind what they may face for their actions. Please note how I did not specify sides. In my time in roleplay, I have seen many players of heroes pull the same exact thing that they are so quick to accuse villain players of: ignoring what consequences they would logically face for misdeeds and attacking others in the street, as well as attempting to kill without communication or agreement on an OOC level, on top of trying to maim and cripple characters in permanent ways over small slights, such as spilling a beer on them, or harsh words exchanged. All of this, with not a single word of communication or planning ahead of time. One person falling into one side or the other between ‘hero’ and ‘villain’ does not give them a free pass for such behavior. It’s reprehensible behavior no matter who does it, and using the OOC information that someone happens to play as a character on the other side of what one considers good or evil as reasoning for a free license to do so is even moreso. Actions have consequences, no matter what side you are on. It is better and more interesting roleplay to roll with the consequences of a muse’s actions than it is to straight up ignore them. Talk shit, get hit. Hit someone, be hit in return. No party should expect a blanket immunity due to what they consider themselves. But neither should players feel they are given an automatic pass or ability to control the fate of another’s character. That’s still up to the writer of the character themselves, regardless of how much you may dislike the character being portrayed.

In particular, I’ve seen a disturbing number of individuals who feel it is within rights to execute player characters with zero communication out of character, and it’s mostly the players who play the ‘good’ characters saying this. If you feel you have an innate right to execute a character played by another, without any sort of communication ahead of time, you may be better off writing by yourself than with others. No player is allowed to force character death on another, regardless of the roles played. You may discuss and plan, and plot ways any encounter may go, but the moment one tries to bully or force another player into killing their character off, regardless of why, they have gone too far and should not be surprised if the player in question chooses to remove themselves from the roleplay or ignore it entirely.

In regards to the claims of that the guards would not allow such characters in, that is ignoring just how vast a city is and the limited number of troops that would be there to patrol, in comparison to the rest of the populace. What we see ingame doesn’t necessarily correlate to the actual size of each location, as areas have been limited in size both due to technical limitations of the game as well as to ensure a relative amount of convenience for the players.

Certainly, should a character with a bounty and known face get noticed for their deeds or a guard is called for, they should be prepared to potentially face consequences for their actions or try to escape. Actions have consequences. But one cannot simply whip up a dozen super-powered city guard NPCS to try to execute another player simply because they dislike that the player is not playing the type they want them to. Especially if the character in question may not even have a wanted poster or have done anything that would warrant the guard’s attention. That is gatekeeping roleplay at its finest, deciding who should be where based on personal preferences with little regard to others beyond personal feelings. By that sort of standard, any player who disliked someone else could do the same and merely claim that the face is close enough to a bounty that they should be killed on sight. Better to alert a player of a guard character and let them handle it, if you do want to have guards interfere, or plot with said character’s player to see how guards can be involved and then step in if they are agreeable to such. If not, drop it and either watch, or ignore. Whipping up random NPCs to do your bidding and to try to force someone out of roleplay without any discussion will not encourage people to do as you expect, and instead is more likely to earn you a spot on the block list.

Often times, a player character that falls on the villain side of the spectrum may not necessarily have a bounty because they have handled their personal situations or misdeeds in a way that keeps them under the radar, or they are skirting the line between legal and illegal. Assuming that all deeds are known and skipping straight to confrontation is poor form at the least and is considered metagaming. No player gets a free pass to do that. Many villain players have rules that one must adhere to when engaging their characters precisely because as players we’ve all seen people assume what our character would and wouldn’t be let known, or what they would say, and then run with it without even a word to us as the player of said villain. The rules we have are used to avoid such mischaracterization and help ensure that communication is healthy on all sides. Players of both sides get particularly upset when key details are left out and things they do not want nor did they agree ahead of time to are sprung on them.

Finally, a character does not represent the writer. A character may adore strawberries and peanuts, but the writer may be highly allergic to where they are sent into shock even on mild contact with either of them and thus loathes them. And what a character may think of said foods may also differ drastically between what the writer thinks of them as a result of those differences. This is the difference between in character and out of character. I explain it as such as I have seen the community grow progressively worse over time in understanding that what one’s character may do may not necessarily reflect the writer’s view in real life at all. Too many see a character that is morally questionable and believe that the writer behind them will behave in the exact same way as the character, and that how the character may see things is no different than how the player does. If you struggle to comprehend that a character does not necessarily represent the player, then you misunderstand what roleplaying is. It is not merely and only inserting yourself into a game setting down to the last detail. You may do that, but others have just as much right to write out something different, and approach a character not from a perspective of how they themselves feel, but from a point of analyzing of how someone who experienced the history forged for the character might behave and in doing so explore the resulting mindset.

Such history may scar a character or traumatize in a way that brings out behaviors that the player themselves would never consider till they sit down and consider just how the character may respond after all factors are taken into account. Just because one character hates something or someone does not mean that the writer does as well. Darker characters and villains often have traumas that skew their views to some degree, but just because the writer has taken the time to consider what that may result in does not mean they require therapy themselves as a person or that they share those same views or ideals. To say so and paint all players with such a broad brush and claim them to be mentally unwell is disgusting and indicates that, as a player, one cannot separate themselves from their character enough to comprehend that others are able to portray views other than their own personal set of beliefs held as a person. It also discourages dialogue, as it shows an innate, hostile bias, and there are not many that are willing to put up with such hostility and narrow-mindedness as it is being aimed at them as a person and attacking them as a person rather than disliking the character forged. You cannot expect someone to willingly listen and try to see your side when attacked on a personal level for little more than having made something you dislike seeing in your personal roleplay. If you dislike it, don’t interact or involve such a character in your plot line. If they ask for your view, you can always provide constructive criticism, but if you offer it unbidden you should not expect it to be listened to or taken. Especially if it is very clear from how you approach it that your problem is personally with the player and not the details or how they portrayed the character.

As a personal example, Eligos would be categorized as a villain. He works for whoever pays him the most as a minion, and while he mostly does perfectly legal work, he absolutely has done less-than-legal work and then carefully covered up his misdeeds after by pulling the strings of the people who owe him favors. He is considered a villain mainly as he will do whatever he is allowed to within his contract in order to succeed, and often times finds himself working for the wrong [losing] side because his messed-up priorities led him to see the extra money offered as indication of good faith in his abilities and also valuing him as an asset, and not being able to see why acting on behalf of someone he thinks valued him more is a bad thing. He will work with anyone if he’s given a good enough reason or money, or against them if someone else makes a better offer. He won’t kick puppies or harm kittens, or hurt anyone unnecessarily, and if it does boil down to combat, it’s something I absolutely discuss ahead of time to find out limitations and also what one desires to see happen, so that personal growth for the character he is facing off against or with has that opportunity to grow and learn as a person. If someone says they dislike something? That’s now off the table and no longer up for discussion, period. But by virtue of his poor life choices and habitually finding himself on the wrong side of conflict due to his values, he is a villain, through and through.

But playing a character like him isn’t a simple power fantasy made to flex virtual muscles. There’s easier and simpler options, and if I wanted to do that, I’d have just made a hero, as those characters tend to not be analyzed so hard for compliance as villains are. If Eligos had been made to be some stupid power fantasy and nothing more, he’d not be yeeted into a wall half as often as he has by both those around him and his own tools malfunctioning. Nor am I mentally unwell and think the same way he does, simply because I let him say and do the shit that he does. I personally dislike many of his life choices, but do find it amusing to watch him go, and then pile on karma later for all of his misdeeds so he regrets his actions later. He’s an arrogant little gear gremlin who exists to help further stories of others while providing entertaining moments. Just because one individual personally may not see the karma carried out or get to execute him simply as they dislike him doesn’t mean he gets away with no consequences for his actions. As the player, I decide how to punish him. Not others. Him being a villain does not strip me of that right and give it to you simply because you dislike seeing him around.

[naferty]

stevetony fic recs!!!! please!!!!!

Oh no there's just so many to choose from!! So many wonderful stony fics from so many wonderful authors. This is hard. Don't do this to me 😭😭

I hope you enjoy these just as much as I do!! 

(topTony and bottomSteve are also included)

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What Lies Inside by Penumbren

     When the Avengers discover Captain America in the Arctic sea, they find more than just a new team member: Tony Stark discovers his fated mate. The problem is, Steve Rogers is a man out of his own time and apparently straight, and Tony's not about to force anything on the man he loves--even if it means his own death. Besides, Tony's spent his entire life keeping secrets. How can he possibly tell Steve that he's really Iron Man, let alone a werewolf?

Birds of a Feather by LoquitorLatinae 

     Tony only ever wanted to be an Alpha with bright feathers, a huge wingspan, and attitude. But he was an Omega, and while he still has the attitude, his lot in life as dictated by society leaves a lot to be desired. But he was Tony Stark, and he wasn’t going to let anything get in his way—though he wouldn’t necessarily be against the company of a certain Alpha Capsicle.

Killing Monsters in the Rain by snoozingkitten

     Tony is a werewolf in name only, he’s also a genius and a playboy and the Lord of the house of Stark. When he’s forcibly reminded of his heritage by a crash landing in the East River Forest things go a bit differently than he’d expect. Fantasy AU

Man Out of Time by samptra

     Closing dark eyes he tried to center his wildly gyrating thoughts. “This isn’t happening this isn’t real…” he wacked his head a few more times, “I did not go through a weird tear in the air again. There was no crazy terreract driven machine…and I defiantly did not go back in time.” This was all some sort of dream he was having a nightmare one that he’d awake from in his bed, in Avengers Tower, in the year 2013.

That Has Such People by samptra

     Captain Tony Stark has found himself in a strange time and place. Billionaire, genius Steve Rogers has no idea what to do with a man from the past. Together perhaps they can teach each other a little about the past and future.

Dulce et Decorum est by samptra

     Badly wounded in Afghanistan Lieutenant Tony Stark had been deemed unfit for combat. His life now stretching before him a bleakly; a company he wants nothing to do with, a legacy he can barely tolerate, and a life he never wanted. Until he’s given the chance to be something he never imagined; a superhero.

Thumb, Index, and Pinky Extended by Eudoxia

     Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

Living In The Future by Closer

     Eighteen-year-old Tony Stark is the boy genius who woke Captain America, and now he's stuck with him. That's not a bad thing, but between Steve's wide-eyed wonder at the new world and Tony's little fanboy crush, the awkwardness just keeps happening.

Engaging the Enemy by tsukinofaerii

     Iron Man is one of the more persistent villains that the Ultimates face, with a special fondness for one Captain America. As Steve starts to findout more and more about him, the lines between hero and villain begin to blur. Sometimes, you don't have to be on the right side of the law to be in the right.

The Tower of Yesterday by manic_intent

     Tony is the WWII hero waking up in the future. Iron Man Noir.

Got the Cream by YourFavoriteRobot

      Steve is coasting through life after leaving the army without making any real connections to anyone around him. Until a mischievous deity turns Steve's only friend, his cat Tony, into a human being.

Tony Stark and the Sentinel of Liberty: A Marvels Adventure by Sineala

     When Project Rebirth fails, leaving the super-soldier serum inert in his veins, Steve Rogers is forced to bid goodbye to his dream of defending his country -- at least, in the way he'd always envisioned it. But his prospects in that regard aren't entirely bleak: he takes a job as chronicler for Tony Stark, the former Marvels adventurer who now serves his country in his typical unorthodox style, hunting down mystical relics before the Nazis can find them. At Tony's side in the jungles of Peru, Steve discovers that the serum works after all -- but it works in ways he could never have imagined.

Not This Omega by Annehiggins

     With Stane dead, Tony has to find a mate or lose controlling interest in his company, so it's time to throw an omega ball. Tony has a plan, but doesn't count on the drug in his drink. Now he's stuck with a mate who doesn't seem all that into him. Based on this prompt in the avengerkink meme. Set it a world where no one, not even Pepper, knows Tony is Iron Man and the events of Iron Man 2 never happened.

Unknown Caller (do not engage) by gottalovev

     Steve had one job: exchange a couple of texts with a guy who thought he had Natasha's number, and let him down gently. It ends up being a lot more complicated than that.

A Little Too Not Over You by jay_girl88

     "Steve had experienced torture before. This was a cruel and unusual form of it."

Sometimes, you can't see what's right in front of you until it isn't there anymore.

Colour Me In Love by starksnack

     [5:12 AM] Hey so I know you modeled for me like two years ago, but I really liked the work we did and was wondering if we could get together for coffee and talk about your possible participation in my upcoming project. Please let me know when you’re available. - SR

Tony models for Steve.

Basically two idiots in love.

Parabol Series by chaoticcollectorchaos_me

     When a dead body is discovered, the Avengers become murder suspects.

Rockabye Verse by BladeoftheNebula

     Cute alphas didn’t appear out of nowhere to help ruined omegas. That was a widely accepted fact.

Tony Stark had always known his life wouldn’t be easy as a genius omega in an alpha’s world. But not even he predicted getting knocked up and forced to move to a small town in the middle of nowhere.

A Gentleman's Guide to Centaurs by BladeoftheNebula

     All of Marvyl is a-twitter when Captain Rogers comes to town and takes up residence at Brooklyn Hall.

A single alpha in possession of a large fortune is an interesting prospect for any unmarried omega - especially when he has hooves.

You Have Me by ShesLikeTexas

     Tony Stark is a twenty year old college student trying to get by after being cut off by his father. Enter: Art student Steve Rogers, otherwise known as "The Captain," one of the most powerful crime bosses in New York.

Home by Saber_Wing

     Desperately, he reached back and grasped for the carving knives on the block behind him, because damned if he was going down without a fight. Then the bilgesnipe's razor sharp teeth clamped down harder on Tony's leg, and this time, he heard something crack. All rational thought fled with it.

Tony's vision went white. He thought he might have screamed, but he couldn't be sure.

Oh god, it hurt. Fuck, fuck, fuck-

Thor really should learn to keep Bilgey in his room.

The Red String by masterlokisev159

     As Prince Anthony stands by the window and watches his kingdom burn, he can only hope and pray that the barbarians will be kind. After all, what good would it do to have more bloodshed after so many lives have been lost?

It is inevitable though. Whether he likes it or not, he is the prince, the son of the cruel and powerful King Howard. And princes such as he do not last long once their kingdom has been claimed.

Tony knows these will be his final hours. He knows the barbarian leader is coming for him.

He just prays it will be a quick and painless death.

Sweet on You by MiniRaven

     It’s the 1940’s and Tony is working as a Donut Doll for the Red Cross. His job is to go around to various military bases and offer comfort food and conversation to homesick soldiers. He’s come to expect a lot of things in this job, but he doesn’t expect to fall in love with Captain America, the hottest most awkward soldier Tony has ever met.

Clan (of the Stranger and the Outcast) by greymantledlady

     The Stranger holds out his huge hand towards Tony, palm outwards and upwards.

Tony watches him warily, baring his teeth a little, not yet a snarl but a warning. But the Stranger simply holds his hand there, waiting, waiting; and his knife is lying on the ground between them, and there is no threat in the lines of his body.

Tony lets out a little breath he’s been holding. And he’s trembling, but he slowly reaches his own hand out, tentative and uncertain, and brushes the fingertips against the Stranger’s calloused palm. And the Stranger smiles a little, his eyes soft, and wraps his fingers around Tony’s.

The Long Way Back (To You) by Pearl_Unplanned

     After mouthing off to the wrong God of Mischief, Steve and Tony find themselves stuck as a cat and mouse, respectively. Either they work together to get home without being picked off by one of the many everyday dangers like stray dogs, cars, rat poison and each other, or they die trying. And maybe they can just come to terms with how they really feel towards one another.

The Future is Now by Pearl_Unplanned

     After a villain's failed 'time machine' is used on Tony and Steve, it leaves them both far older than anyone had been expecting. Tony, unsurprisingly, is having trouble coping with it, especially since there's a chance it might be permanent. Steve, on the other hand, tries to make the best of the situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have plenty more but I think this is a good list. Enjoy!

[mossflowermouse]

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been reading ‘When Christ and His Saints Slept’ by Sharon Penman, writing my thoughts down as I went. Currently writing a proper review of the book as a whole, but for now I’m posting those original bullet-point reactions. It got kind of long so this is part one of three. I’ve also gone back through and divided things up by chapter, because otherwise it’ll get really confusing. 

Below the cut, the civil war begins, everyone is picking sides (but not necessarily staying where they first choose), and I am emotional about the mess this has very quickly become for everyone involved.

Did a bit of reading up on this period – for historical fiction, I like to know more or less what will be covered, especially for Penman books since there's such close attention to detail (also because it can lead to some lovely dramatic irony, knowing how things will play out, and I don’t think of it as spoilers in the same way as other fiction). I’m now aware of the broad strokes – bits of the family tree, the ship sinking, some of the key events during the Anarchy. Also thanks to that one Horrible Histories song, I know Stephen becomes king but Maude is never crowned queen, and her son Henry succeeds Stephen.

I’ve read one other book by this author, ‘The Sunne in Splendour’, but fully expect this to be a completely different experience – I’d spent months studying and reading up on the Wars of the Roses before that, whereas here all the knowledge I have is from like half an hour of Googling, the family tree in the front of the book, things from a few Tumblr posts, and some other faintly-remembered facts about the earliest Plantagenets. I’m really looking forward to it, though, and fully expect to be destroyed with family drama, incredible historical accuracy, and the heartbreak of getting attached to these people while knowing the inevitable conclusion. Here goes.

Chapter I:

Oh no Stephen's got so many relatives on the White Ship 

William’s giving me Edmund of Rutland déjà vu – there seems to be a running theme of Penman’s books opening with the death of a 17-year-old noble sibling of one of the main characters. 

Oh no I got attached to William 

(HOW did I get attached to William, he was alive for like five pages)

Just finished reading the sinking of the White Ship, decided to research it a bit more. I really ought to stop being surprised by how much of the stuff in Penman's novels is real – in this case, Berold as the sole survivor and William's attempt to go back for his sister were the details I'd wondered about. In conclusion: already hooked.

[then I forgot to write anything for a while because the book was too gripping]

Chapter IV:

Ranulf is fairly prominent in these chapters - according to the character list, he seems to be the only notable fictional character. When reading The Sunne in Splendour, I didn't find out Veronique was made up until the author's note at the end, so comparing the experience of reading about those two will be interesting. I like him though. 

Note to self: look into William Rufus' death - Stephen and Ranulf's conversation about how Ranulf’s father took the throne has me intrigued.

Chapter V:

First impression of Geoffrey was that he was awful; a hundred pages in and he's done nothing to really change that. Currently resisting the temptation to Google and find out how much longer the characters and I have to deal with him.

I know Maude's not going to get the throne and it's making me sad because of her line about freedom. 

And then listing the people she trusts and Stephen's one of them...oh you poor dysfunctional family. And the worst part is, it really doesn't seem like he's going to take the throne for his own gain - he's going to think it's for the best for all of them and he cares about Maude and all their siblings and cousins will have to choose sides :(

And there it is.

Chapters VI and VII:

Stephen: what other choice does Maude have but to accept my kingship? ...well, according to Wikipedia, wage war against you for twenty years, Stephen.

Oh god even Robert's accepted Stephen as king, I was expecting him to side with Maude. He doesn't seem happy with it, though - maybe a change of heart later on? 

Ranulf's the only one so far who definitely seems to be on Maude's side.

Okay, yeah, less than half a page later and Robert's already explaining that his loyalty to Stephen is largely a waiting game.

Ranulf's going to get himself killed with his recklessness and open loyalty to Maude isn't he. And I can't even look him up to know for sure and prepare myself because he's fictional. Why. 

Oh no and Amabel just mentioned he's seventeen, that's absolutely a death flag as far as Penman characters are concerned (William in this one, Edmund of Rutland and Edouard of Westminster in TSiS come to mind).

Amabel's like "well what does Ranulf have to lose by supporting Maude" and while Robert replies by talking about his betrothal, I'm suddenly very worried that the real answer is "his life"

(Also, I appreciate that much of the book up to this point has been dedicated to the bonds between family members who will soon be on opposite sides of a civil war. This is going to hurt, but I do like being invested in characters.)

Annora :(

Awww, Maude and Ranulf (and poor Ranulf's looking back on his memories of Stephen)

First mention of Eleanor of Aquitaine!

Ugh, Geoffrey.

UGH, GEOFFREY

And first mention of William de Ypres!

Ranulf is still so optimistic and he's going to get his heart broken. 

And Ancel says Annora's married. Yup, I suspected she might not be as willing to wait as Ranulf, given the circumstances.

Hmm, Stephen's having difficulty with his court. 

Any reference to Robert as 'Gloucester' is making me instinctively like him more after TSiS. (Also, even besides that, the king's relative Gloucester being one of the most powerful nobles is something that keeps cropping up in medieval England. Although Robert's the Earl rather than Duke like later ones)

Chapters VIII and IX:

Robert and Amabel have decided to support Maude! Yes! Now I'm wondering if this will be permanent, though, because there's still 750 pages and like fifteen years of civil war to go. Something other than Geoffrey is going to have to go wrong for Maude for the war to continue that long, because Stephen's really not doing well here.

More traitors in Stephen's court (Miles and Brien) - I wasn't sure at first if it was just unfounded suspicion from Stephen and the other barons, but yeah, it seems they're loyal to Maude.

Matilda's taking a much more active role in the war - first the Dover siege, now the treaty with David of Scotland. I'm enjoying seeing her grow in confidence and discover what she’s able to achieve. Maybe it's not that things will go wrong for Maude, but instead a case of things starting to go right for Stephen and Matilda's side.

Meanwhile, Stephen's being peer pressured into becoming a harsher ruler (well, it's more that several of the nobles are pretty much ruling though him. And the Beaumonts aren't happy about Matilda's influence. Please give me all the court drama, this is good.)

(Also I keep reading Beaumont as Beaufort. The vague similarities between them don’t help. Noble family with even more questionable ambitions than the average noble family and whatnot)

u g h 

Poor Henry's having quite the turbulent childhood (though both Maude and Geoffrey love him, so at least there's that. Honestly wasn’t sure what to expect from Geoffrey, relieved he’s apparently a decent father. But considering everything else, the bar really is on the floor here.)

Maude, Robert, Ranulf and Rainald are so good. I've always got a soft spot for siblings who band together in a crisis (and because of TSIS, can't help but draw vague parallels between this lot and the later Plantagenet siblings)

Awww, Uncle Ranulf with Maude's kids 

Adeliza's offering to let them land at Arundel Castle - based on what's been said about the situation in England (and Maude's main difficulty being the crossing from Normandy, with nowhere to land safely), this could really be a turning point!

Chapter X:

Just met Adeliza and I like her already.

Robert and Amabel's farewell has me concerned that something's going to happen to one of them

Well that went wrong quickly (they arrived at Arundel Castle a week ago and Stephen's already besieging it)

...wait, how did Stephen find out they're here so quickly? (Possibilities I can think of: Robert was discovered en route to Bristol (please no), there's a spy somewhere in the castle, Adeliza and Stephen had this planned all along (would also be upsetting, I like the glimpse we've had of her friendship with Maude))

Okay, so it's not Adeliza. That's good. I'm worried about Robert though.

"His barons seemed to take turns standing as sentinels between Stephen and his better instincts." This is such a good line and it really sums up my thoughts on Stephen's position right now.

Aw, Stephen's still fond of Maude. I can't decide whether this is more heartwarming or tragic.

“...it was only when he was on his way back to the castle that the significance of the Bishop’s words penetrated. Stephen’s allies made a point of referring to Maude by the title she herself detested: Countess of Anjou. Her own supporters accorded her the rank she much preferred, that of empress. And so, Ranulf finally realized, had the Bishop.” wait what

So does this mean Henry's going to defect or????

I knew he was angry with Stephen about not becoming Archbishop but still. Maybe he's just being petty and this isn't a sign of an actual betrayal.

Robert :)

And Miles and Brien are openly supporting Maude!

...aaand time for war. And there's the chronicle the title's from!

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, LIA! You’ve been accepted for the role of PARIS with a faceclaim change to Jordan Bolger. Admin Rosey: Lia, you have no idea how happy we are to finally have a Priam in our midst. He’s a character that has always been very close to my heart because I love characters that you expect to be overlooked, shadowed by more gaudy and boisterous personalities. But you bring a subtle shine to Priam, like a dying star that’s about to explode and consume us all. Your plots for him make me especially excited because even then you bring his voice to life - you make him wholly yours while doing so. I can’t wait to see him on the dash! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | I’m Lia but my friends call me Lil Li Nasty. (not really :/)

Age | 20.

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her.

Activity Level | I’m able to login 3 to 4 days during the week for replies.

Timezone | EST.

Current/Past RP Accounts | You can look at this one if you’d like. ;-)

In Character

Character | The lovely Paris, AKA Priam Taravella. With a faceclaim change to Jordan Bolger.  

What drew you to this character? | Let’s be real, I’m a sucker for morally ambiguous characters with a ton of internal turmoil sdkflfdgk. But I’ve never played a character quite like Priam, which is what drew me to him even more? Like I’ve always played dreamy characters with their heads in the clouds, but this isn’t Priam whatsoever. He has no interest in dreaming, if it isn’t something attainable, then he wastes no time thinking about it. He’s almost practical to a fault, like come on dude you can have one dream! The sheer purposelessness that pervades through his being, his overwhelming desire to belong to something, to someone. All of this contrasted by his inability to understand the concept of love (after all, how can you truly understand something you’ve never experienced?) and his ever shifting principles. Priam is the epitome of someone who gets excited and does something consistently for two days then loses interest and finds something new a few days later aksdjsdlkf I love him for it!

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

il tipo volubile / the fickle fellow — everchanging are his ideas and everchanging are his loyalties. cosimo capulet gave him a sense of purpose and for that he’ll forever be thankful, but priam, ever the opportunist, is partial to whomever offers him the best opportunity. he doesn’t behave this way with the intention of appearing disloyal, but priam prioritizes his need to belong and find purpose over his loyalty. there’s no telling how far he’ll go to occupy his void and betrayal isn’t necessarily out of the question.

mobilità verso l'alto / upward mobility — priam is confident with his standing in the mob, and almost too comfortable with it. i’d be interested in a situation where he screws up, possibly compromising the mob, which will be almost unreal to him because he’s just used to everything going the way that he wants it for the most part? to also keep his position secure, i see him blackmailing a few people, caps and monts, so that’ll be something interesting i see playing out. ;-)

finché morte non ci separi / till death do us part   — just as priam had suspected, the montague heir had blossomed into reasonable competition. an attractiveness unrivaled by most, with a soft disposition outlining sharp features, everything verona wanted and more. him and the phan girl had made quite the handsome couple, her perceptiveness balancing out his altruism, but neither the montague heir nor the phan girl recognized this wasting potential. priam had every intention of turning his and juliana’s engagement into an opportunity, as this was a chance for them to play up their marriage to the veronans, affording them just enough of a peak into their lives that they await with watering mouths, for any other opportunity at sight. the least he could do for the pair of them was make them loved by many. and into oblivion will the montague heir fall. priam desires to be remembered to such a degree, that there simply won’t be enough room in the mind of verona for both of them. and he is actively working for this outcome.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes. >:-)

In Depth

In-Character Interview:

What is your favorite place in Verona? | We recommend looking at the location page and reading it over to figure out where your character’s favorite place is – if it’s not their own house/room.

He pondered the question for a moment, mouth pressed thoughtfully to his fist, before turning to the interviewer with a toothy grin. “There’s a garden on the Capulet estate, just west of the of the glass room.” Priam inclined backwards in his chair, perfectly manicured hands crossed in his lap, his eyes fixated on the wall reminiscently. “Juliana and I were first married there. She’d wanted a dress with a matching veil, but naturally her parents hadn’t approved, so she’d settled for the flower crown I made for her.” He’d been magnetizing. There was something about the way Priam carried himself, that just drew whoever he’d been speaking to in. His hands moved in unison with his words, the pictures building upon the story he told. “I made it out of yellow daisies. Tybalt officiated the marriage, and we’d done a butterfly kiss, and that was that. I intend on marrying her in that same garden.”

What does your typical day look like?

“Talking and more talking.” He chuckled purposefully. “In all seriousness, that’s what my job is. Knowing exactly what to say and in the right moment. It’s a delicate art form, you somehow have to make the other side satisfied, while simultaneously achieving the best possible outcome in favor of your own side.” He toyed with his Ferragamo cufflinks. “When I’m not doing that, I’m working with Cosimo. He’s practically taken me under his wing. I’ve learned so much in these past few years with him. He’s like a second father to me.” It had been an easy position to fill, with Priam’s own father being anything but. “When I’m not working, then I’m working out or spending time in nature. I’ve studied certain scenes so much that I could practically paint them from memory.” Priam had actually had his hand at painting, and while they’d been painted skillfully,per say, the complete lack of passion and lifelessness emitting from them had almost been disturbing.

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

Something dark flashed across his countenance, as he recalled the Capulet soldier he’d nearly been caught disposing of. They’d been symbolic of the people who attempted to disrupt his path to wars spoils— the city and the throne. The bride. The notoriety. The name. “There was a time when I was younger,” he begun with pursed lips. “When I wore white socks and black shoes. My parents never let me hear the end of it. I haven’t made that mistake since.” Priam sinks into his seat, smiling humorously, beckoning the interviewer in with his silly, boyish hospitality. He hadn’t the time to dwell on the past or mistakes. Only of the now and what will propel him to the future.

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

Mixing family and work— always a tricky task. Something he learned he ultimately could not handle. It made way to Cosimo gifting him a canvas, giving Priam the opportunity to paint whatever portrait of himself he pleased. Give me at least one part politician and one part killer. That was all that he’d required of him. And thus he began his Capulet reign. “Not losing sight of myself amidst the chaos,” he responded thoughtfully, careful to speak just the right amount. “Becoming one with Verona requires a certain fee. You pay in the relinquishment of your humanity. And if you don’t voluntarily pay, then she’ll force it from you.” Priam, on the other hand, had been on a quest to sell his humanity to the highest bidder.

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

“Inevitable. With great power comes great longing. No powerful person ever went without people desiring the power for themselves. And thus erupted a war.” This was one of those moments Priam had grown to appreciate, the ones where he’d been able to speak freely, from whatever parts of him that had remained authentic. He tilted his head with a raised eyebrow, lips etched into a teasing smile. “I’ve grown bored of your questions. Now, if there’s anything else outside of the interview you’d like to further discuss…”

Extras:

myers briggs: the commander (entj-a)

“Commanders are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves. Perhaps it is best that they make up only three percent of the population, lest they overwhelm the more timid and sensitive personality types that make up much of the rest of the world – but we have Commanders to thank for many of the businesses and institutions we take for granted every day.”

random brainstorming for priam.

muse tag.

playlist.

aesthetic—

cartier hoops, a poisoned tongue positioned between antidote lips, fickle values and fickler lovers, indefinite scowls, a pair of sunglasses for every day of the week, provocative realism, a tipsy crown (if it weren’t for the graff vivid yellow diamonds, it’s tilt might’ve been discernible), a gaping void, pompous vexation, flowery tattoos (the only evidence of permanence in your life), morsel of your true self, anything to belong, salvatore ferragamo’s limited edition loafers, an impassioned youth.

[mymurderbooks]

The Killing Joke

Title: The Killing Joke

Author: Alan Moore

Artist: Brian Bolland

Illustrators: Brian Bolland (+ John Higgins for the original version)

Rating: ★★★★★

—

The Killing Joke is a Batman classic. It's a short one-off but one of the most influential - it spun a darker tone for Batman, turned Batgirl into Oracle, gave the Joker more angst and pathos and an origin story. Tim Burton proclaimed this his favourite comic, and thus, it heavily influenced his Batman movies, and I believe this incarnation of Joker inspired Joaquin Phoenix's version of Joker in the most recent movie, although it's altogether a very different thing.

I'm reviewing the recoloured 2008 deluxe edition. This will contain many spoilers as it's a Batman classic, and I'll just share my opinions. Spoilers ensue.

The plot summary is this: the Joker commits terrible violent acts to drive Commissioner Gordon insane, to prove his belief that it only takes one bad day to push a 'normal' person into madness. The text is by Alan Moore and the ending in particular is excellent, though Moore himself doesn't like it, and although this is a must-read Batman comic it isn't my favourite thing by him. Still, this is 5 star worthy even despite the graphic violence against Batgirl, and yes you must read it as it's a key influence in the later Batman oeuvre.

On the recolour vs the original

As far as the recolour goes, I much prefer the Bolland recolour vs the 1988 original coloured by John Higgins. I understand the argument for the more psychedelic/saturated colours in the original, ie. it manifests the Joker's manic mental state to the reader. The 2008 deluxe edition is recoloured the way Bolland originally envisioned, and it's coloured in more natural, muted shades, with the flashbacks clearly demarcated in sepia, with pops of colour. To me this fits better with the story, which is kind of about the Joker's belief ordinariness and inevitability of the ordinary man plunging into insanity when pushed too far.

Both colourings work, but a little differently. In this panel where the Joker sits on this throne above the creepy baby dolls, it looks especially unbalanced in the bright yellow-magenta. You can see your madness in vivid Technicolor. While in the other,  I feel it's more that the Joker tells you, You're going mad, and you realise that possibly you are, but your madness looks the same as reality. And if you think of the bright colours of the original as the madness of the Joker manifest, then the recolour perhaps depicts the reality of the story more accurately, where his theory is wrong, and despite his attempts, Commissioner Gordon remains sane.

On the Joker's attack on Barbara Gordon

If you're unaware of it, women in refrigerators is a comic book trope in which women are violently victimised ('fridging') as a plot device to move forward a male character's story. The term was coined by Gail Simone.

Undoubtedly, Barbara Gordon's explicitly sexually violent attack by the Joker to drive Commissioner Gordon insane qualifies as fridging, and it's important to note that Alan Moore himself regrets this. The criticism is that it's unnecessarily sadistic and goes too far, but I think, within the context of the story, it makes sense. The torture inflicted on Commissioner Gordon must be psychological. The Joker inflicts irreparable and lasting harm on someone he loves, this happens to be Barbara, as this takes place after Year One, after he adopts Barbara and after his divorce from his first wife, and she moves away with James Gordon Jr.

The attack on Barbara, to me, feels like it was unplanned by the Joker. She could have been at her yoga class, and that she was home, and answered the door, was extremely bad luck. The violence also isn't out of context for the Joker - he's sadistic. He's insane. He's a criminal and a supervillain. Apart from this - the reality is violent sexual crimes are committed against women in real life, sometimes without motive, as a terrorist tactic to incite fear and induce compliance, and although superhero comics aren't reality, they reflect our world, which can be terrible and misogynistic.

While I don't think the Joker's actions, or the violence, were necessarily sexist in themselves, I think the framing is. No, the Joker doesn't know Barbara Gordon is Batgirl, and his enemy are the Bat clan including Commissioner Gordon, but his insanity theory would probably be better applied to his attack on Barbara who ends up paralysed from the assault as well as knowing her guardian's being tortured by the Joker. However the story occupies itself only with the thoughts of Joker, Commissioner Gordon and Batman, and she merely facilitates the plot. It's not merely some kind of puritanical opposition to violence, but that despite having the most, and permanent, violence inflicted on her, she's effectively a side character. It's also important to note that this was created to be a one shot. That Barbara Gordon was permanently saddled with the consequences of this storyline in later stories is possibly more reflective of the wider culture that constantly rehabilitates and resurrects male characters than it is of this single comic.

On the ending

The joke that the Joker tells obviously parallels Batman and the Joker's relationship. They're both the guys from the asylum, and each thinks himself as the first guy, the one who leaps across and offers a beam (of light) to the other towards freedom: Batman believing he's helping the Joker into reality, the Joker believing that the true salvation is accepting he inevitable madness that comes from human existence - and the one bad day. The joke is, that the second asylum escaped mistrust the first guy's helping hand out of distrust, but the beam of light is no real beam anyway. So to extrapolate this, Batman (or the Joker's) attempts to redeem the other isn't only futile because the other party is resistant, at its very core it's meaningless, a delusion.

Do I think Batman killed the Joker?

Of course, the ending is deliberately ambiguous.

Grant Morrison thinks he did. The case for this could be argued for: the title, coupled with the suggestive position of Batman's hands, the disappearance of laughter in the final panel (drowned out by sirens?), and Batman's realisation that the Joker can't be helped out of madness and death at the hands of the other is the only way they'd break out of their cycle - this possibility is echoed in the beginning.

I don't think Batman killed the Joker. Not because I'm dogmatic about Batman never killing anyone ever, but because Batman has to fulfill Commissioner Gordon's request to bring the Joker in by the book and not validate his worldview. I think the Joker has a desire to drive Batman to the breaking point to finally kill him and end their superhero-villain cycle, a sort of death by cop, and this will ultimately justify his belief in the inescapability of madness.

Do I recommend this? Yes, you must read it to understand the Batman-verse.

...for your bookclub? Yes, it would make interesting discussion on the ending, violence against women in media, the interpretation of the Joker's 'killing joke'. Compare the original and recolour, and how the mood of the comic changes. Classic, 5 stars.

[anda-ensaiar]

On Defeat

or Ensaio sobre a Derrota

Friends, I’m switching to English from now on.

I have never experienced true defeat. Ever. To be thoroughly beaten by my environment and stripped of possessions or possibilities without being granted anything of value in return. Defeat isn’t being agonized, exhausted, destitute, despondent or desolate. No, as all of those things are temporary, being defeated requires a state of permanent loss, an inability to leverage it back again into the green. It requires an experience unto which you will look back and accurately assess that nothing valuable was gained but many such things were lost. And I firmly believe such an assessment to be impossible to make.

Now don’t take me the wrong way, my point wasn’t to come here to brag about how my life was absolutely trivial up to this point, no, none of that. I have experienced failure, death, heartbreaks, bullying and betrayals as much as the average person. And those things are real, they hurt and leave a mark and all of us would rather never ever go through them during our lives.

Or would we? Bad things eventually lead to good ones.

You see, we often fail to see experiences we live in their whole, almost always that means that a “whole” experience occurs in a time frame in a bigger order of magnitude that what we envision it in. I wouldn’t necessarily call that a flaw, there are certainly enough advantages to outweigh that inconvenience when one has a feel for the present. I would, however, say that this characteristic tends to give us a certain temporal nearsightedness. Bad things inevitably happen to us, and when they do they are a part of a larger chain of events, that chain is partly in the future. We live in the present, and that’s all we will ever experience. It’s not easy, and sometimes maybe even not correct, to try to extrapolate future events based on what’s happening to us right now. But it is correct to accept that there’s no way to know what will happen next. Maybe crashing my car will lead me to meet the love of my life, or maybe it won’t. Maybe I will learn to better value my money if I am ever mugged, or not. Maybe the death of a family member will bring the rest  closer together, or maybe it will make them realize how they really cannot stand each other and give them all an incentive to start looking for more suitable, better company, and eventually find it, or not. It would also be fair to say that according to this mindset, good things eventually lead to bad ones. I agree, but my point here is about experiencing defeat, and in this case we still did experience something good in the first place.

I eagerly await my first defeat.

[loquaciouslacedaemonian-blog]

Thoughts on Genocide in Undertale

I just finished playing Undertale for the first time about a few weeks ago. I sort of avoided the whole thing when it first came out a few years ago because it just seemed like some kind of flavor-of-the-month type thing, you know that thing everyone obsesses about for a while but ultimately is forgotten when something new comes along to replace it. So I was a bit uninterested in it, I only bought it last December on Steam™ because of a sale and even then still didn’t manage to cultivate enough motivation to play for a while. Since a few weeks ago I’ve played it to completion six times from total genocide to pacifism. Undertale at first seemed to be a simple if not enjoyable romp but underneath it explores intriguing themes, which Genocide in particular explores these thought-inducing themes. It’s just sort of been sitting in my brain (my thoughts on Genocide), bubbling and frothing, and I feel the urge to get my thoughts out about it coherently in writing or I might experience some kind of cartoonish episode with steam coming from my ears in nose or something.

What really strikes me as so thought provoking is how the game explores player psychology, in other words what drives a player to act in certain ways and what does that mean in regards to the player. If you have only played Undertale to completion through Neutral and Pacifist routes some of Undertale’s like more thought provoking themes will mostly be just hinted at, shallow glimpses of it here and there, notably through brief conversations with Sans and Flowey but Undertale really explores these ideas when a player commits to finishing a Genocide route.  

In Non-Genocide the player will play the game in the way that is syncretic with the most enjoyable mechanics of the game. Act’ing with monsters rather than Fight’ing them is in all respects a more interesting way to interface with the game and is rewarded with whimsical dialogue immediately and later on with dialogue with other characters, interesting Boss fights, puzzles, etc.. In Genocide all these things are sort of like just stripped away. The Fight interactions in Undertale are arguably the least interesting and most tedious way of dispatching monsters, and Genocide forces the player to use this interaction not only for all monsters encountered but forces the player to endure tedium and boredom seeking out every monster to destroy them and advancing too far into the game before doing so will prevent the player from killing them, so it also easy to make a mistake and be put on track for Neutral, rather than Genocide. All the puzzles, in Genocide, are completed before the player arrives. The areas are vacant of monsters to talk to (vacant of the ones who don’t attack you), the music of the areas is replaced with a stretched, distorted version of the normal track interlaced with roaring booms. Even Boss fights end anticlimactically with a single hit aside from Undyne and Sans.

What makes the Genocide run compelling in spite of tedium and stringent boredom is how it (Genocide) cynically deconstructs the game. In the ending for Pacifist, for instance, the player apparently defeats Asriel Dreamur through the friendships and love that the player has for the character’s they’ve spent hours befriending and becoming emotionally invested in and the world of Undertale as a whole. In Genocide, however, the source of power for the character is not given these pretenses. Undyne, the first of the two challenging fights, also draws on the same motivation that narratively the player had in Pacifist. She thinks of her friends, the world, and draws her strength from this after receiving a near fatal blow by the player character. However, she is defeated. This serves to illustrate that these things, friendship, love, emotional investment, etc., really don’t matter in the context of interfacing with Undertale. In Pacifist and Neutral the player is introduced to Determination as a recurring meme, used encouragingly on the player’s death and humorously at save points throughout the game. In the Undyne fight, this is where the idea of Determination is no longer a meme but is shown to be the true source of power for the player and character. If the player is determined then they can overcome any challenge in a game because by nature games are systems with a win goal that can be achieved by the player. Throughout Genocide save points text boxes will read simply “Determination”, as if reminding the player that their determination to finish Genocide is what gives them the power to continue enduring unpleasantness.

In the end of Neutral and Pacifist the player is introduced to the concept of Level of Violence and Execution Points as an abstraction of the player’s emotional withdrawal from the world, which, at least on a first time playing through, will in some way be acquired whether through accidental murder or purposeful. The inevitable acquisition of LVL and EXP in a player’s first time interfacing with Underatle, I think, shows that all players have some disposition towards violence and some disconnect, mentally, from their interface with the game and their effects on the world. In Genocide I felt absolutely terrible for killing Toriel, what she said in her final moments before oblivion really plucked an emotional string. As I continued through I did find it easier and easier to commit violence as my LVL increased and boredom started to be a primary emotional state, until finally by the time I reached the Core I was Alt-Tab’ed, watching YouTube™ videos while occasionally shifting my attention back to murder a monster. If that isn’t an emotional disconnect between my actions and their effect then I don’t know what is. This of course is all subjective and my personal emotional reaction will not be absolute for all players, even at the highest level that can be reached I still felt a small nub of guilt for the final murder that the player can perform at the end of Genocide.

Sans serves not only as the second and final challenge of the game and the climax of Genocide, but as personally my final severance of attachment to any character in the game. Sans is by far the most difficult fight in Undertale. Sans breaks conventions that were established by the game, Sans attacks first, you can be hurt in between attacks, Sparing leads to failure, and attacks can be commenced by Sans unexpectedly. The only way to beat Sans is to spend hours memorizing his attacks until the player acts reflexively, and you have no friends to help you like in Asreil Dreamur’s fight (the player sort of killed all their would-be-friends at this point, after all), which is perhaps the second most difficult fight in Undertale. All that’s left is Determination, determination to finish Genocide despite all the tedium, boredom, and frustration, despite the fact there is, as Sans says, no good to come from Genocide.

During the fight Sans diagnoses the player’s motivations for their chosen method interfacing with Undertale. Sans suggests that the player determines to finish Genocide not out of malice or evil but as a kind of morbid fascination. This by contrast suggests Pacifism is completed through not really any kind of moral abhorrence of violence (as nearly all players have capacity for violence), but from the player’s determination to finish the game without killing any monster. This inverts the player’s motivation in Pacifism quite cynically; a player has Determination to beat the game non-violently not out of any serious moral conviction but from a desire to see more of the game, which is almost identical for the motivations for Genocide.

After needlessly murdering Sans, the player has completed Genocide with only one door separating them from the end of the game. Asgore and Flowey die in the throne room, but not through player action, at this point the player character is now thoroughly controlled by the Fallen Human. When starting the game the player can name the Fallen Human and at first it’s thought to be naming the character the player controls, but in Pacifist it’s revealed that the character the player controls is named Frisk and in Genocide it’s the Fallen Human (which I guess is named Chara?). These two identities come about through contradictory ways of interfacing and marks opposite psychologies of player interaction with video game software. You can imagine Frisk as a manifestation of a player who becomes invested in the game emotionally, talking to all the characters, befriending them, indulging in exposition dumps of game lore, etc.. Fallen Human can be imagined to be a player who skips dialogue and grinds monsters into extinction to max stats without regard toward it’s affect upon the world.  Each manifestation of player psychology has its own conclusion, Frisk being a Deus ex Machina happy ending with man and Fallen Human being a permanent blight on the game.

Once Genocide is completed the Underground and world above are destroyed but to Reset the game has a lasting consequence to future games played. In Neutral lasting consequences of player actions were ultimately shallow and served, in my opinion, as an introduction to the consequence of Genocide. Upon completing Genocide and resetting there is a flag placed on the game that would corrupt subsequent completions of Pacifist with an ending that invalidates the happy ending. To complete Genocide it required for the player to emotionally distance themselves from the world, to accept that the characters in the game have a disposable emotional value to the player, and the corruption of Pacifist is a narrative change that reflects the player’s change (You really don’t care about the characters, huh? Well then I guess you won’t mind if I just invalidate your happy ending, then, will you?). However, I don’t believe that this blight of the game is necessarily directed toward the player’s arbitrary and cruel actions inside the game space. The consequence of genocide doesn’t really focus it’s critique on the capriciousness of players, however there is a little of that interspersed throughout the game, but more of a critique on how some players view games as disposable systems. Viewing of games as cold and impersonal systems is really what leads the player to Genocide and this is what the game critiques, not necessarily violence in of itself but the cold impersonal min-maxing that precludes emotional investment, which I feel is the ultimate thematic message of Genocide.

Man, I wrote way too many words about a game that no one even cares about anymore, I just wasted like three hours. 

[fountainpenguin]

So if the Aos Si split into Fairy/Anti-Fairy/Refract in ancient times, and there's a religion that believes Fairy/Anti-Fairy/Refract become one after death, are those beings the same concept? Could we see the afterlife form of a Fairy/Anti-Fairy/Refract in your headcanon?

They’re the same basic concept, but I don’t use “Aos Sí” in conjecture with “afterlife forms” to avoid confusion. We could call them the Daoine Sìth, since that’s their Scottish name. Let’s go with that- the Daoine.

To break it down, I think I’ve said “The Aos Sí evolved into the Fairies” before, but “evolved” isn’t the most accurate word. They didn’t fade away gradually. They shattered into their three parts all at once, and slowly picked themselves up and made sense of the world; they called themselves the Sluagh back then.

I mostly based my interpretation of the Aos Sí splitting apart off something written by Plato, if you haven’t guessed by now. This leaves us with a batch of soulmate trios trying to figure themselves out-

Refracts by nature are affectionate, and still foster some deep instinct to reunite with their counterparts… in intimate ways that aren’t really accepted by society. Separation left them with the desire to be together again, and despite what they may tell you, they tend to develop crushes very easily- especially on their counterparts. How embarrassing. I think you can see what all spawned their obsessive piety and prompted their withdrawal to the upper planes of existence in the first place. It’s a constant war of nature vs. nurture up there.

Fairies by nature are bold leaders. With the most important reproductive parts and the single life-sustaining organ between three beings contained in a single body, they’re wired for self-defense. They are quick to act, tough to catch, and very resilient. Their instinct is to lash out at something they see as a threat and ask questions only once it’s safely out of commission; over generations of instincts, events, and media, Anti-Fairies became one of these targets.

Anti-Fairies by nature are loyal protectors. As a rule, once they fixate on a cause, it’s very difficult to wean them off it. Like Refracts, they often find themselves drawn to their own counterparts too- and specifically, to the fragile core residing in their head. Entirely invincible unless their “host” is killed, it only makes sense that Anti-Fairies would feel powerful ties of loyalty to their Fairy; if Fairies react through reflexes rather than thought processing, you could say that Anti-Fairies are the ones who ended up with their united form’s amygdala and have a far better understanding of risks, consequences, and safety. 

Fairies are insects- they wander where they want with limited fear, and leave only when their lives are in danger. Birds can often be lured near with food. Bats see danger and steer clear.

Perhaps you guessed where this was going- Refracts made themselves scarce not long after the split, but with Antis feeling obligated to keep their Fairy piece safe, this was the era when Antis were treated as pets… or wild animals.

This treatment of Anti-Fairies slowly trickled out of existence when Jay Rhoswen came along, which is why he’s so important to Anti-Fairies even though he was Seelie. Anyway, generations passed and we ended up with the situation we have in present day: Refracts teaching their children that being attracted to their counterparts is shameful, Anti-Fairies attacking anything that might cause their Fairy counterpart harm, and Fairies seeing Anti-Fairies as aggressive (or bad luck) and chasing them off whenever they spy them.

(I imagine that what happens next is, careless Fairy bumps into ladder as he walks underneath it. Refract falls and gets hurt while Anti-Fairy tackles Fairy away from the ladder danger, but Fairy gets elbow scraped in the process. Unable to recognize the danger of the ladder and what just happens, Fairy blames injured elbow on Anti-Fairy attacking out of nowhere and gets upset.

Compare that with:

These are the same three beings as a whole. They haven’t lost their individual personality traits (love for life, awareness of danger, desire for acceptance). They just function better as a team, covering one another’s weak points.)

I like to think that the Aos Sí all split in the same time period, but not necessarily the same day or even year, so you had this progression from people thinking that having split is shameful and desperate trios trying to force themselves back together, to the belief that being able to be “three places at once” is admirable until the remaining Aos Sí were forcibly putting themselves under immense stress until they split like some rite of passage. Like losing your virginity, I guess? Some of them regretted splitting, others loved it.

99% of the population agrees the Aos Sí existed; the debate is about their relation to present-day Fairies. Many Fairies believe they split from the Aos Sí, even if they don’t actively practice the religious aspects of the belief. They’re magical beings with counterparts whose lives magically mirror their own; a creature so overcome with emotional stress that it split into three isn’t too wild.

Many other Fairies believe that the Aos Sí existed, but either argue that evolution occurred in a slow process, or that they have no relation to present-day Fairies at all. Anti-Cosmo is in another group and acknowledges that his ancient ancestors were perhaps a single being, but believes the split to be permanent, and doesn’t agree with the idea of joining up with Cosmo Prime and Dame Cosmo in Daoine form after death. Doesn’t want to either.

The Daoine form is supposed to be a harmonious combination of three parts, but Anti-Cosmo quietly fears that if he were to reunite with his counterparts after death, he’d be overpowered by Cosmo, cease to be himself entirely, and/or have to deal with the irritating twit for all eternity. Not his cup of tea. He tries not to think about it because it’s not relevant to his daily life, so why bother stressing about something that will either be inevitable or impossible?

I think that’s all the set-up I wanted to cover, so here, have a Nebulas. Seems appropriate to start with him since his pieces have canonical deaths and all.

Despite being hermaphrodite, I think most of the Daoine would prefer to use the dominant pronouns from when they were alive (Ex: Cosmo and Anti-Cosmo outnumber Dame Cosmo and would use male pronouns while Wanda and Anti-Wanda overpower Drake Wanda and so would use female ones). The Aos Sí would have used “they” because they didn’t know anything different.

And what the heck, have some other guys too. I’ve been wanting to draw them since forever anyway: 

I figure that when you get to heaven, you receive perfect eyesight and lose your wounds, so Fergusi gets his crown healed and a mask marking to replace his glasses. Similarly, Cosmos gets his checkered pattern because Anti-Cosmo only had the one monocle (Fun Fact: Markings are a Daoine thing; they wouldn’t have them - or their shirts - if they’d been born as proper Aos Sí).

He’ll dress himself better when he’s done thoroughly freaking out, I think.

The “First Things First” prompt is going to cover one of the last Aos Sí (Kahnii the Thoughtful) and their choice to split. And while the concept gets hinted at sometimes in my work, the Daoine aren’t going to appear. Or will they? 

They’re fun to think about, though! I do love obsessively fleshing out the magical insect world. If you guys want me to draw moreAos Sí/Daoine, or if you design some of your own and want to show me, let me know!

BONUS:

[justabrooklynkid-blog1]

All the numbers for Nat and Steve (you knew I would do this XD)

Ship Question Meme  {{ accepting }}  ☆  @the-blackest-spider

1. How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals? Whenever they can, the fall asleep together. Steve loves to touch her, to have at least one arm around her, and he indulges in that whenever she allows him to. Who wakes up first can vary a lot, though usually (when she’s not woken by a nightmare) it’s Steve. No true rituals except for a kiss goodnight.

2. How’s their team work? Do they share well? In the field, they have grown to work nearly flawlessly together, always aware of the other. And they share very well, always happy to include each other.

3. Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection? They keep it on the down low at first, but eventually the hesitancy about it melts away. They’re very private about each other, but especially when Steve becomes more comfortable and confident in their relationship, he enjoys being able to (subtly) touch her in public, a hand on the small of her back, a quick kiss to her temple or lips, an arm around her waist.

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight? It wasn’t love at first sight. But right away, Steve knew that she was a woman not to be trifled with, very capable (and beautiful), and, well - that’s what he’s always very attracted to.

5. Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes? Steve does like to call her by some endearment sometimes, and he does call her Nat a lot.

6. Any tasks that are always left to one person? Steve cooks, Natasha folds the laundry.

7. What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could? Sometimes his stubbornness is cause for a disagreement or two. As has her tendency to be secretive. But they work with it, and in the end they wouldn’t force any change like that on each other.

8. What do the like best about their partner? Steve is so in love with her strength and her compassion and kindness. Just seeing how very much she cares. (He hasn’t found anything to dislike yet.)

9. Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death? Steve does, but he realizes that she’s not always open to it. So he doesn’t force it on her and never makes her feel bad about it, but sometimes he tentatively initiates conversations like that.

10. Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public? They take turns driving. Steve cooks and does the handiwork. They share cleaning and paying the bills. He prefers to let her handle the public as much as possible.

11. Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries? Steve loves celebrating holidays, and he’s rather mindful of the anniversaries too.  And he always encourages her to tell him more about her traditions and holiday specifics. So yes.

12. Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon? If she doesn’t do anything to actively and clearly discourage him, Steve will propose eventually. It will be in private and when the moment feels right to him. That means it doesn’t necessarily have to be on one knee, it might just be in bed in the morning too. For a honeymoon he’d either want to take her to a really nice, secluded beach, or to Ireland.

13. What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up? Anything that’s normal. Sometimes they just take a car and drive out to spend a day somewhere, by the coast, wandering through little towns, whatever catches their attention. At other times they just stay in and indulge in each other, simply share space while reading, drawing (in Steve’s case) or watching TV, they talk, spar, have sex.

14. Anything they both dread? Losing each other. There aren’t enough words for how much that scares Steve.

15. How adventurous are they? Some, I’d say. They don’t go out of their way to try new things all the time, it’s rather a case of being open to them if they happen organically.

16. Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat? Natasha keeps some secrets, but Steve lets her, trusting her not to keep anything from him that would concern them both or that’s really important. There’s no outright lying, though sometimes they simply don’t reveal everything they could. And there will never be any cheating.

17. What would make them break up? Would it be permanent? A serious betrayal, though I can’t see that happen.

18. What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other? Their dates are very low key and normal. They didn’t date before something started between them, that’s why Steve was determined to get some proper dates in after the fact. They just never stopped. And they have breaks from each other often enough through work.

19. What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up? They fight about each other’s safety and when they confront each other with their flaws. But because most of the time they know that the other has a point, they never stay mad at each other for too long. Sometimes it takes them a while to cool off and brood, but eventually one of them - mostly Steve - comes back and wraps their arms around the other. And because most of the time they already know the other’s point, they often reconcile with touches instead of words.

20. What does their home look like? Their room? It takes a while, because when they started out, neither of them had too many belongings that were truly personal, but eventually the place becomes home and theirs. They’re both rather tidy, so if their place gets a little messy sometimes, it’s just things lying around they haven’t bothered putting away yet.

21. Do they share any interests or hobbies? The biggest one they have in common is sparring, and they do enjoy spending time with each other in the gym. It’s not uncommon that sparring leads to making out too.

22. Does their work ever interfere with the relationship? The line between their work bringing them closer together and interfering with their relationship is thin, and which way they see it is often depending on their mood.

23. How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort? Once he knows it’s welcome, Steve is a very tactile person with those he loves and trusts. He gives a lot of hugs, especially as a form of comfort and closeness. There are kisses of all sorts of all sorts when they’re in private and they do like teasing each other quite a bit. Natasha flirts more, and Steve enjoys being the recipient of it very much.

24. Any doubts about the relationship? Only in their most insecure moments.

25. How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in? They do spend quite a bit of time together, though not too much. They both have other friends who are very, very important to them and who they’ll never neglect.

26. How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families? They’re very happy for them.

27. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up? The question of kids rests firmly in her hands. (But Steve would be a great dad.) Splitting up is definitely not on the cards.

28. What are their vacations like? They never go somewhere that’s too busy and crowded. Always a place that’s more remote, where they can have their privacy.

29. How do the handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness? By default, their handling of disasters and emergencies is very collected and action oriented. Minor injuries are par for the course, and there’s not much in the way of sickness to worry about.

30. Could they manage a long distance relationship? Absolutely.

31. Do they finish each other’s sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something? Not usually, no, but their habits do inevitably have an influence on each other. And they are pretty good at recognizing when the other is hiding something.

32. Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous? Steve does have a tendency to get into trouble of all kinds. Good thing he always has people who have his back.

33. What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions? Before the war, Steve often wished he had the financial means of getting his mom or members of the Barnes family not necessary presents, but just little gifts to convey his love and gratitude and that they’re in his thoughts. Now that he can, he does it, gets her little things that remind him of her, or that he thinks she would find funny, or even just her favorite sweets sometimes.

34. Do they have any pets? Natasha brought her cat Liho into the relationship, and Steve would be really happy to have a dog some day.

35. Do they bring out the best in each other, or the worst? Do they have a fatal flaw? They really do bring the best out in each other. His fatal flaw is probably his recklessness - or disregard of his own health - and it does help that she reminds him sometimes that acting like that isn’t always selfless but, sometimes, quite the opposite.

36. What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness? Their greatest strength is just how well they work together and how much stability and emotional support they give each other. Their weakness probably is that the other’s safety is a huge pressure point.

37. How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross? A whole lot, and definitely not many.

38. What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do? They’re very comfortable around each other. Natasha gave Steve a whole lot of confidence while he makes her feel safe and treasured. There are a lot of small physical and active turn-ons and they do have something of a power exchange kink, but nothing I would call fetish.

39. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first? When did they realize they were in love? They danced around each other for a long time, both hesitating because of, in hindsight, stupid reasons. Steve made the first move to kiss her, but the second he did, it was very much a mutual thing. He knew he was infatuated with her since the Battle of New York, but realizing he had fallen in love with her happened without anything special one night in his bed.

40. Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to? It’s very clichée but true: for him it’s the first kiss and, later, the first time they slept with each other. There aren’t really any special places.

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often? Steve’s not a party goer at all, he enjoys smaller groups of his close friends much more. To get him drunk, it needs Thor and his Asgardian booze, and even with it, Steve doesn’t really has a reason to get drunk. He likes the warm buzz of it but not the loss of control that comes with truly getting intoxicated. When they do drink together, they get very happy and handsy around each other.

42. Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them? Sometimes, but not if it’s anything important.

43. Do they talk often? What about? They do, about everything and nothing. Whatever comes up in their lives.

44. Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for? Yes, very comfortable. They give each other privacy though, for example for things like bathroom routines. Sometimes they just need some time for themselves too.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets? They don’t take things for granted, so they’re grateful for every day they have together and take things as they come. They do, very privately, dream of spending their lives with each other, maybe settling down eventually after all. And there are no regrets.

[dancing-the-hellfire-rumba]

Masterlist

A good note to have in mind: The lower you go down the list, the more recent the fics (and since I’ve beem writing for a couple of years, the better the quality.) 

TL;DR: there’s better fics in the bottom. 

I’ve written for Supernatural and MCU (which is lower down the bottom bc it’s a recent thing.)

I deleted a couple fics from here ‘cause they were awful. If you’re looking for them (for SOME reason), you can still search them in my search bar. I just wouldn’t recommend them to people who have just found my writing.

Updated: 15/2/2021

Dating ____ Would Include

Bucky Barnes

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Supernatural:

Dean Winchester

- Mornin’ (fluff)  Lazy morning in the life of a hairy-faced Winchester. / Reader shaves Dean beard bc it’s domestic and cute.

- Impala Dreamer (fluff mostly) Reader is an insomniac. The rumble of the impala lulls her to sleep

- Intertwined (SUCH FLUFF) Dean’s a cuddler.

- Soldiers (angst) The Reader and the Winchesters had a crappy childhood.

- Focus. (fluff, very very light smut) Reader is focusing in different things than she probably should.

- For The Love Of Everything Holy (fluff, angst, bit of crack) Do you do requests? If so I would like to request dean with reader after dean comes back from purgatory. The reader helps him overcome it and he falls for her.

- Frozen (fluff) Of tickle fights and Christmas

- Comfortably Numb (angst/fluff) Dean’s cold, a bone-deep kind of cold he can’t seem to shake off. That is, until he meets her.

- Not Yet (fluff) Reader gets a separate room from the boys, but she fucked up and now she’s freezing to death. It’s not as bad though, because now she can share a bed with her crush. 

- And What A Sin Would That Be (fluffy fluffy fluff) Waking up with Dean :)

- There’s a Storm Coming Tonight (And It Will Put Up A fight) (angst/fluff) I mean, I’ve never had to reveal my real identity before, so I guess... Hi? Surprise? (Undercover AU)

- Little Brother (fluff) Reader is an FTM trans guy and he’s had a rough day. No real pairing here. 

- I'm Right Here (angst, TW: panic attack) I felt small. Wrapped in my oversized hoodie and baggy sweats, I wanted to cocoon myself in blankets and fall in a hole where I knew no one would find me. I felt out of my element, but not necessarily uncomfortable. Just… cold. I felt cold, like I wanted Dean to hug me instead of teaching me all of this.

- Cigarette Smoke (angst, fluff mostly) “You have that stupid smile on your face, again. Y/ n’s coming, isn’t she,” thirteen year-old Sammy states teasingly as he walks in the room with his hands in his pockets and Dean bites his lip to hold his smile from stretching further at the thought of her. “Sh-shut up.”   “Nice one. Very creative.”

- Little Miss Sweet Dreams TN (Fluff) Dean’s a Rockstar, singing about his best girl.

- Mark My Words (Something’s Gonna Change) (Apocalypse AU)  Part One  (discontinued, but maybe not forever idk)

- Something In The Works (fluff) Teenage AU. Drabble. 

- Table 14 (fluff. No. Fluffier than that. ) Cute moment between two diner employees. 

- Leather, Bit Of Whiskey And… Me (The fluffiest.) A soft and detailed Morning After.

- Dear Hannah, (fluff, angst,) When Dean, strapped to a bed, coughing up a storm, catches sight of his newly-adopted baby girl, he decides that, if he is to leave this world, he has to leave something behind for his favorite person. So he writes a booklet, trying to tell her all the things he would’ve if he was alive.  (Destiel)

Of Monsters And Men Masterlist (On Hold Indeffinitely)

Sam Winchester

- New Year’s Kiss (all the fluff) Self explenatory title, really.

- Strong Pickle-jar-opening man  (fluff) Sam is out on a hunt. Eager to hear him, the Reader calls him.

- A Permanent Hug (From You)  (fluff) Here, have my sweater, it’s cold out. 

- Sam. (fluff) No pairing. Brotherly cuteness. Includes puppies.

- Apartment 6B (fluff) There’s a fire in our appartment building, and I ran out like a bat out of hell, but now I’m standing in cold weather in barely my underwear, right next to you, a very cute neighbor. Fuck. 

- Moose (fluff) Secret Santa Christmas drabble :) - Cleopatra (AU, angst) Sam is a Taxi Driver, and the girl in the back seat reminds him of his ex girlfriend.

- The Chronicles Of Exhaustion (fluff) Sam comes back from a hunt and she’s passed out in an arm chair. Fluff ensues.

- The Little One (fluff, tiny bit of angst) She’s pregnant and Sam doesn’t know. Holy shit, what if his reaction is bad???

- If We Make It Or We Don’t (angst)  Sometimes people break up because of life. It’s a difficult thing to accept.

- Magic (fluff) Teenagers in love, sitting in a field (or a porch), reading their respective books. It feels a lot like magic. How very Hozier of them.

- Ain't It Dark Early? (fluff) Watching the sunset from a high vantage point. Life’s hectic, but she loves him and that’s what matters.

- Like Chardonnay, Get Better Over Time (fluff) Y/n finds the bunker empty on a random Wednesday night, and decides it's time to do some self care. Now, one would argue the primest form of self care is dancing, so she finds herself in the bunker, singing at the top of her lungs. However, the boys are back sooner than she thought...

- Sometimes I Fantasize About You Too (In The Daytime) (smut!) Half drunk and tired, but not wanting the night to end, Sam and Y/n stumble in her house. They share some more booze, but she is too great, and Sam is too enamoured with how stunning she is, how every way she moves is captivating to him. So he decides to close the distance between them. Detailed smut with feeeeelings.

- I See You Clearly Now (fluff) An impromptu all nighter and a very domestic day with Sam who is- he’s a crush, right? Right?

Multi Parts - Fall. (Completed)  Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3  Sam’s a tango dancer and instructor. She’s his student. Inevitably, she develops a crush. What now??

- When In College  Masterlist (Ongoing.)

-Seen (Ongoing) Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Jared Padalecki

Love Her (angsty)

TFW PREFERENCES

Touching you

Vulnerability

Rainy Days

Cooking / Baking

Marvel (Cinematic Universe)

Steve Rogers:

- Here Comes The Sun (fluff) I was so tired last night and just kind of kissed you, because I felt like it. It’s now the morning after. Do we go back to normal? I really don’t want to. Haha jk, unless..?

Chris Evans

- There’s Nothing More I’d Rather Do (fluff) After an exhausting day, the reader takes some me-time. But sometimes your me-time demands some company. Soft fluff. Enjoy!

- Tell Me Everything. (fluff) Reader works as a costume designer in Marvel. She's currently working on Endgame, designing the costumes for each superhero (but especially her favorite one), when Chris stops by. Later, he tries it on. Mutal pining goodness and fluff all

Bucky Barnes

- I’ll Tell You My Sins (So You Can Sharpen Your Knife) Reader hides important information about her past from both steve and Bucky, causing seriou damage to their relationships. When Bucky’ severely hurt and nearly dies, the Reader tries to finally do what’s right.

[natsubeatsrock]

The Rewrite of Fairy Tail: Bonus (Parameters)

How much do the rules matter to the changes I make in the series?

Well, it's been about a year since I started posts about how I plan to rewrite Fairy Tail. I have been thinking through the different changes I want to make long before those posts came out. I had a lot of the big structural points of the rewrite in mind well over a year before my first post about it came out. Even now, as I'm officially (and very slowly) working on the first draft, it's crazy how much is going into reworking Fairy Tail.

My first post in this series laid out the seven guiding rules I have in rewriting the series. While I've talked about my mindset regarding this rewrite, I feel like the idea of guiding rules can feel like a nebulous concept. Why do the rules keep me from doing some things but not others? So I want to talk, in more concrete terms, about what I am and am not able to do.

To start, I cannot add or subtract any arcs to the series. This seems like an easy one. I have no reason to add arcs to the story. I also don't intend to, wholesale remove arcs from the series. This includes the three anime exclusive arcs. Every single arc of the rewrite is a part of the original series.

This, of course, doesn't mean that I will do every event exactly as it happened in the series. While most of the main story beats will remain the same, many of the events of the rewrite will look different from canon. To be honest, I plan to be significantly looser in adapting the anime-exclusive arcs than in the arcs Mashima has written. However, the end results will be the same.

Again, the big exception to this is the last chapter of my rewrite and the last chapter of the series. They will look very different from each other. For starters, I don't plan on having Team Natsu go on the Century Quest, as happens in the final chapter. Also, the end of the canon series and the end of my rewrite will be the culmination of multiple different factors. So, even as elements of the original ending and the sequel will inform my changes to the ending, I am not binding myself to the end of the series as the end I have to get to.

One point of interest is how special chapters and episodes will be affected. Their incorporation is one that is worth more time than I'm willing or able to give them here. I think that, as a part of the series, they can be helpful for understanding characters and history. I don't intend to rewrite all of the special chapters and episodes, but I do want to use or reference as many of them as feasible.

With that in mind, I do allow for the creation of new events. While these are not complete story arcs, there can be some substantial moments of small significance with events that are unique from any official version of Fairy Tail, while maintaining inspiration from canon. I don't want to have too many of these. If I can write this with less than 5 such incidents, I feel that I have written enough of myself into Mashima’s work.

To that point, I should mention how I plan to break up the series. For the most part, I plan to break up the series along the same lines as happen within arcs. In writing some of the special chapters and episodes, I plan on most of them as a single chapter. Though, when grouping events involving multiple chapters, I want to keep a similar grouping to the anime episodes. Many times, this means combining the events of multiple episodes into a single chapter. Other times, as will likely be the case with the Alvarez Empire, the grouping will be slightly different from the way chapters are adapted in the anime. In very rare cases, I may adapt the elements of a chapter or entire chapters in a different chronological order than originally presented.

Characters is an interesting issue to deal with. Much of the work I'm currently doing is working on the way characters are written in canon and how I plan to change them. I want to keep as many characters as possible in the series. If a character is of even mild importance for more than one arc, I don't want to throw them out of the series as a whole. This has been a bigger exercise in self-restraint than one may imagine it to be.

On the other side of the coin, I want to keep the characters of the series as close to their canon counterparts as possible. This obviously doesn't mean I can't or won't make changes or additions to characters. It does mean that the changes I do make have to be reasonable and have some ground within the series.

On a related note, I do plan on playing around with the ships. I don't want to break up any ships that were definitely canon by the end of the series. For my purposes, a ship is considered canon if it involves two characters canonically shown to have clear romantic feelings for each other who also take actions that make it clear to each other they want to further their relationship by the end of chapter 545. I also don't want to make a ship most fans consider to be fairly crack or unlikely that still wouldn't work within my new universe. But any ship that involves characters that can interact regularly and has a decent amount of fan support is fair game for use. Considering how a number of changes affect my leniency with the former, don't be shocked if that means stuff outside the big fandom mainstays become a thing.

This also means that some character deaths can stay permanent. I don't want to undo every single death fake-out in the series, as you can probably tell from my post on Lisanna. However, as I've said in the past, characters who had serious death scares aren't necessarily safe. A few of them may be serious game-time decisions for me. At the very least, I don't plan on adding any more when rewriting the series.

I do plan on making references to the original canon. I don't plan on making them so hilariously and awkwardly overt, even as I question how such things will come across, to begin with. Essentially, I don't plan on doing stuff like, “Hey, wouldn't it be crazy if [description of the actual situation from canon]?” too often.  However, I don't want to pass up the chance to make playful nods to canon when appropriate.

As for other kinds of content, I want to keep this at a level that is acceptable for teens. One the one hand, I don't feel comfortable with writing things like curses or sex. I was even a bit concerned about writing violence at the level I did in my debut story. On the other hand, Fairy Tail is aimed at a demographic of teenage boys. I want to keep that in mind when reworking things.

Finally, there's the issue of a sense of originality. Frankly, by virtue of the changes I've already talked about making, such as my handling of the Strongest Team, the first time skip, Natsu's search for Igneel, and some more moments with Lisanna, I don't think I need to say much about this. This isn't even every change I want to make and a few of the ones I have planned to discuss are going to be a bit more out there. That should have been obvious from the jump, though. As a fan of the series with less than popular views, originality was always an inevitability.

The trick is reigning myself in on a lot of the crazier ideas that could make this series a lot less like the original version than it already is shaping up to be. One of the best things about my writing process is the fact that I work through the potential ideas that could end up derailing the main focus of this story as hypothetical universes I have thought of playing out in some way. However, the best thing keeping me in line is my writing process for the rewrite. Although, that’s likely a rant for another day.

Based on the Introduction