#similar to how deanna was brought back but now she was left behind and alone

[nellasbookplanet]

In the wake of FCG' fate I've been thinking about death in ttrpgs, and how it kind of exists on three levels:

There’s the gameplay level, where it only makes sense for a combat-heavy, pc-based game to have a tool for resurrection because the characters are going to die a lot and players get attached to them and their plotlines.

Then there’s the narrative level, where you sort of need permanent death on occasion so as not to lose all tension and realism. On this level, sometimes the player will let their character remain dead because they find it more interesting despite there being options of resurrection, or maybe the dice simply won’t allow the resurrection to succeed.

Then, of course, there’s the in-universe level, which is the one that really twists my mind. This is a world where actual resurrection of the actual dead is entirely obtainable, often without any ill effects (I mean, they'll be traumatized, but unless you ask a necromancer to do the resurrection they won’t come back as a zombie or vampire or otherwise wrong). It’s so normal that many adventurers will have gone through it multiple times. Like, imagine actually living in a world where all that keeps you from getting a missing loved one back is the funds to buy a diamond and hire a cleric. As viewers we felt that of course Pike should bring Laudna, a complete stranger, back when asked, but how often does she get this question? How many parents have come and begged her to return their child to them? How many lovers lost but still within reach? When and how does she decide who she saves and who she doesn’t?

From this perspective, I feel like every other adventurer should have the motive/backstory of 'I lost a loved one and am working to obtain the level of power/wealth to get them back'. But of course this is a game, and resurrection is just a game mechanic meant to be practically useful.

Anyway. A story-based actual play kind of has to find a way to balance these three levels. From a narrative perspective letting FCG remain dead makes sense, respects their sacrifice, and ends their arc on a highlight. From a gameplay level it is possible to bring them back but a lot more complicated than a simple revivify. But on an in-universe level, when do you decide if you should let someone remain dead or not? Is the party selfish if they don’t choose to pursue his resurrection the way they did for Laudna? Do they even know, as characters, that it’s technically possible to save someone who's been blown to smithereens? Back in campaign 2, the moment the m9 gained access to higher level resurrection they went to get Molly back (and only failed because his body had been taken back by Lucien). At the end of c1, half the party were in denial about Vax and still looking for ways to save him, because they had always been able to before (and had the game continued longer it wouldn’t have surprised me had they found a way). Deanna was brought back decades after her death (and was kind of fucked up because of it). Bringing someone back could be saving them, showing them just how loved and appreciated they are. Or it could be saving you, forcing someone back from rest and peace into a world that's kept moving without them because you can’t handle the guilt of knowing you let them stay gone when you didn’t have to. How do you know? How would you ever know?

[obviouslyelementary]

They Them, Captain - DaForge

Summary: Geordi wants to tell someone about their gender identity. Data suggests the captain.

Warnings: none

Tags: non-Binary Geordi; supportive Picard; coming out; Data POV

-------------------------------

Data had been noticing an increasing comfort in Geordi's personality related to their newly found gender identity. Of course, it was still limited to the both of them, with Geordi being highly uncomfortable with other people knowing about their discovery, but Data realized that sooner rather than later, his partner would be open for discussing this with other people. They had been hinting towards it in their conversations, adding questions like 'what do you think the captain would say' or 'do you believe Deanna has seen similar cases', to which Data answered to the best of his abilities, based on what he knew about his crew.

He could not give completely accurate responses, but he believed that apart from an initial awkwardness, no one in their close group of friends would take offense in Geordi's gender identity.

"Of course, I could be wrong. Humans tend to be... extremely unpredictable" Data said once Geordi brought that up again, and the engineer looked at him, nodding slowly.

"Yeah we can be... but I mean I've been getting used to it for three months and like... it feels good. It feels right" they said, and Data nodded. "I know you are the only one that treats me like a gender neutral person, but I think I should begin to tell other people. At least, you know, the important ones."

"If you want an advice" Data started, and when Geordi didn't stop him, he continued "I believe the correct approach should be the captain."

"The captain?" Geordi asked, surprised, and Data nodded slowly. "But that is like... jumping all the ranks!"

"Yes... but the captain has proved many times before to be open for different species, ways of life, lifeforms and beliefs, more so than others in our crew. I believe he would be the appropriate choice."

"I thought about starting with Deanna. Don't you agree?" Geordi asked, and Data tilted his head.

"While Deanna is also open for different approaches, she is half Betazoid, and created with Betazoid costumes. In the Betazoid world, there are no registers indicating the possibility of a third gender, let alone any others. They are extremely connected to their gender, male or female, and the emotions and connections each gender can make with other people and other species. So I do not believe she would be correct approach."

"I see... I didn't know that Betazoids were so... gender inclined" Geordi chuckled and looked down, seeming nervous, playing with their food. "I thought... well doesn't matter what I think. So, the captain... okay. I think I can make myself comfortable with that."

"I can help you getting comfortable with the idea, by showing you many examples of previous encounters the captain has had with different species and lifeforms. In stardate 423-"

"Thanks Data but you don't have to" Geordi said, smiling at him, and Data closed his mouth. "I believe you. I just need... to calm down. Relax. Make myself comfortable. You can't really help. It's something very personal."

"I see" Data nodded and looked down before looking back at Geordi and tilting his head. "Perhaps I could help. Do you remember when Lore came over to the Enterprise?"

"Yeah it was ages ago, I remember" they said, and Data nodded.

"In that instance, before he had regained conscience, the captain kept referring to him as an it. Of course, he meant no harm, however calling Lore an it also implied that I was an it, an object, a machine. Even though I do not feel emotions, and therefore was not offended or upset with the usage of the pronoun, I also knew it was incorrect, so I corrected the captain, telling him that if he kept referring to Lore as it, he was indirectly referring to me as an it as well, and it was not correct for I am male. And he understood. Not only understood but apologized, and corrected himself, calling Lore by male pronouns even after he had bad actions towards us. Does that help you in any way feel more relaxed towards the captain?"

"Honestly? Yeah" Geordi chuckled and reached out, taking Data's hand on their own. "Thanks Data. You're... amazing."

"So are you" Data said, still as a matter of fact, but also softer, sweeter in a way. At least he tried to sound more romantic.  

The rest of the dinner went well, calm and relaxing, and Geordi seemed even more relaxed.

 Another two months passed before Geordi took their final decision. After a talk with Data, they decided they would tell the captain about their gender identity, but they needed moral support, so Geordi requested Data would stay with them as they talked to the captain.

And Data, of course, agreed.

During a diplomatic mission, one where Picard was not busy at all, Geordi decided to make their move. In a quiet, uneventful evening, they went to the bridge and called Data to their side, requesting to talk to the captain alone. With a nod and standing up from his chair, Picard turned to Riker and pointed to him.

"Number one, you have the bridge. Mister LaForge, Mister Data, to my ready room."

They followed the captain inside the room and got themselves comfortable, Data sitting on the couch while Geordi sat on the chair in front of Picard's table, and Picard behind it, face to face with the engineer.

"Permission to speak freely sir?" Geordi asked, and Picard gave him a confused but assertive nod.

"Of course commander. Always. Is there a problem at engineering?"

"No sir, this is a personal subject" Geordi said, and Picard moved his glance from them to Data, before tilting his head.

"Well considering both of you are here I thought... I'm not going to make any assumptions please continue" Picard said, shaking his head, deciding against trying to guess what the subject was about. Geordi sighed, then looked at Data, who simply gave his partner a firm nod. Then, the engineer turned back to Picard and fixed himself on the chair.

"Sir... I came here to talk about... myself" they said softly, looking down at their hands. "About something new I found out... about myself."

"Commander, you can speak freely" Picard said, and when Geordi looked up, he was smiling. "Don't be afraid. Just say it."

"Okay" Geordi sighed and looked at Picard firmly, chest puffed out. "Sir, I discovered that I identify with the non-binary Earth created gender."

Whatever Picard believed they were about to say had nothing to do with what Geordi said. His eyes widened, he blinked a few times and then looked at Data, clearly confused and surprised. He then coughed and crossed his legs, leaning over the desk between him and his commander.

"I... beg your pardon, commander?"

"I identify as non-binary sir. Most precisely, agender."

Picard furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back against his chair, rubbing his chin and watching Geordi calmly, before he let out a sigh and stood up. Geordi was nervous, shaking slightly, but Data did not move to assist.

"I see" the captain answered, heading to his replicator. "Earl grey, hot" he said, before getting the tea and taking a sip. He walked back to his chair, sitting down, and looked at Geordi over his cup. "Commander... since when you know this?"

"Ten months sir" Geordi said, and Picard nodded slowly.

"I see... close to our visit with the J'naii, no?"

"Yes."

"Commander... many people demonstrated confusion and even doubts about their gender after the visit to the J'naii. Most of which went away in around... two weeks. Are you absolutely certain that this... new discovery wasn't simply empathy? Something to allow you to relate to the J'naii better?"

"I... thought so sir but after reflecting for a long time I came to the conclusion that no, it wasn't. I truly feel this way captain. I am truly non-binary."

"I see I see" Picard nodded and sipped on his tea. "Well, I remember hearing about gender identity in the academy, during the twenty and twenty first century. But those genders were left behind..."

"Yeah yeah I know... but this... this is true captain it's how I feel. It is my truth. And I found out that non binary genders are still used in Earth and colonies, just not... openly discussed."

"Yes... I understand. Well, I am not person to judge others for their beliefs, their identities, or their culture. This is no different. I believe you and I am content you came and told me" he said, and smiled at Geordi. "I will tell mister Data to change your profile to desired pronouns and name-"

"Captain please no" Geordi interrupted, and Picard's eyes widened. "I mean sorry, sorry to interrupt but I don't want anyone to know yet. For now only you and Data know and I want to keep it like this until... I'm ready."

"... very well commander LaForge" he nodded and put his tea down. "So if you don't mind... how should I refer to you?"

"You can still refer to me with male pronouns, I don't want to make you uncomfortable or forget while we are not with other people. So you don't have to change anything captain."

"But commander... I want to. It will not be hard to remember to treat you as you wish to be treated whenever we are alone" he said firmly and leaned closer. "Tell me your preferences."

"Okay... I prefer to use they them pronouns and I would also appreciate if you referred to me by my rank, not by mister" they said, their voice hesitant, but Picard gave him a short nod and smiled.

"I understand. Very well commander LaForge. Tell when whenever you are ready to tell the others" he said. "You are dismissed."

"Oh... thank you sir" Geordi nodded and stood up, and Data did the same, but Picard raised his hand.

"Mister Data could you stay? There are some reviews I would like to make" he said, and Data looked at Geordi, who nodded and smiled. After a short squeeze of hands, the engineer left, and Data sat down in front of his captain.

"Yes?"

"Data... what is happening?"

"Sir, I believe Geordi was very clear" Data said, and Picard sighed, nodding slowly.

"Yeah yeah but... what? Is this truth or some... phase or-"

"Sir, I believe the term 'phase' related to human gender identity or sexual orientation hasn't been used in at least two centuries" Data said, tilting his head. "This is not a decision they made without thought. Geordi knows how they feel, and they know exactly who they are. I told them you would be the best person to tell this to, because you are open for new ideas."

"I am but... we haven't heard about non binary genders in centuries!"

"Sir, it was a political choice made by binary people. Do you truly believe it is fair?"

Data raised his eyebrow, and Picard pressed his lips together, nodding to himself slowly.

"You are right... I will make an effort to study about gender identities again, and talk to some of my friends about it. I will not reveal anything about commander LaForge, I just need more information."

"I will gladly provide it sir" Data assured, and Picard smiled.

"Please send them to me mister Data. And thank you for making Geordi trust me. I think highly of them, and I want them to trust me."

"They do. And they think highly of you too captain" Data assured and stood up. "May I be excused?"

"Of course... thank you again mister Data."

"You do not have to thank me sir. Just make sure you study, and respect Geordi, and anyone else that may come to you with the same requests."

"Right" Picard nodded and Data walked out to the bridge, seeing Geordi waiting for him by the turbolift. He walked over to his partner and made his way inside the lift, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his partner's lips.

Geordi blushed lightly and looked up at him with a smile.

"Oh... that was surprising."

"I am trying to be more spontaneous in my affection demonstrations" he responded, and Geordi smiled, leaning close to Data and closing their eyes.

"I love you Data."

"I love you too Geordi."

Maybe he truly did.

[xgoldxnhour]

Hope was a helluva drug—one that hung on fingertips and scattered scars, crevices that it can fit and linger—otherwise tantalizing. The image of their home grew smaller in the rearview mirror, similar to the one of the railcars inflamed, but held a far different emotion. But the same promise—to survive.

Sam had to merely pry her away from the tree that had barely now met at his hip, growing on the side of the house—the birthing of their own peach tree. Whether it was symptoms of far along pregnancy or merely just El growing attached, saying goodbye felt far too final despite the hope of returning again. She has accumulated far too many goodbyes into her belt that it was beginning to grow far too constricting. Either had to move on or find a new belt.

“And if it doesn’t survive?” The question was weighted, probing at scenarios of the possibility of never coming back—or not surviving themselves. Of course, she never voices these concerns as Sam had just come around to the idea of searching for a community. It should be a good thing. It would be nice to be around people again—nosy neighbors and helping hands—people with no ulterior motives seemed extinct in this world. But, they had to be proof. Regardless of the pain and trauma endured behind closed walls and playing with fire—they fought for love and now it flourished into another promise. And there, feet dug in the dirt that they tended and brought back to life, she promised herself that they would come back—and finish what they started—and a third person would be able to bare its fruit.

Hope was tested again on the road every single time they passed groups, scorned by the bitter winter. Each time, El had to cover her eyes, head ducked down and tell herself it’s for the best. She never was all too convincing. Days fluctuated, some hoping that ‘today’s the day’ and others that they made a mistake. Hope beat doubt three to two and on the fifth day it claimed its champion.

Aaron. A recruiter. The haven he described sounded one of a dream—one that made her husband scoff and her beaming, tightening her hold on Sam’s hand. He said that they couldn’t bring in larger groups anymore, reasoning kept unknown, but two lone stragglers—one being heavily pregnant—seemed to fit the bill of what they were looking for. But, as they camped together, the first time with another person since far before the railcars, a trust began to be made, especially when he started talking about Eric.

The final steps before acceptance was an interview, one together and one separate. As El sat alone, across Deanna, her own hand held her other arm, rubbing and and scratching at skin. The same response often found in the railcars when things grew too antsy with brittle skin and aching bellies. Nails dug their familiar crescent shape and left trailing lines of red.

“We’re rarely apart.” El answers truthfully when Deanna asked if she was nervous.

The conversation was long, but slowly started to grow easier. She asked about Sam—how they met, who they were before the Fall. El’s eyes only batted for a moment before she spoke. They had curated a story many times, throughout the year, and even more so over the past five days as to avoid their origin. They concluded that they met at a bar, one that El was working at as a bartender. Which wasn’t a lie before Sam. The family business over at Better Days. There, it was like love at first sight. Head over heels, smitten. They got married only ten months after, and a year later, the fall hit.

“Would be almost three years now.” Minus the one, El is forced to look back on the past two years together. How excruciating some days felt, hanging on the frail line of survival, but how most, if not all those days were filled with love. That every night, she was able to sleep next to him, tucked perfectly beneath his chin and enveloped in his arms. For her entire existence, she never knew she could love something—someone—this much. He was her everything. Her moon.

Tears well in her eyes and Deanna makes a comment about how young they are, at least as a couple and how she’s surprised they made it this long. And yet she hopes that one day they’ll get to look back on this time years from now. El hopes everyone will be able to have that chance.

Deanna then asks about the baby. How far along she is, which was merely a guess as they never had the actual number. Everything else was vague and short kept as she wasn’t about to give everything to the first person that asks. They couldn’t be that lucky, can they?

Either Deanna saw her hesitation or not, either way, she mentions her own children, grown sons along with a handful of other families that have their kids here—encouraging that this is mighty fine place to raise a family. El gives a tight smile with a nod, knowing in the back of her mind that this residency is temporary.

“Can I ask a favor?” She asks at the end before they leave.

———————————

The sound of rushing water is artfully divine, sending tears to well in her eyes for what seems like a constant default as of today. At first, she stands at the doorway, staring in aghast disbelief. A part of her can’t believe it, even when he voices the very words. After everything—here they are in…this—she doesn’t even know what to call it.

“Same could’ve been said about us.” Things that couldn’t have existed in this world—a love like theirs. And yet, perhaps there is some sort of state of beyond—the universe itself or something more structured and ambiguous—that was somehow rooting for them. “We got lucky.” But, it was so much more than luck. Fighting, surviving, facing every wall and trepidation that bid their way. Most of the credit goes to him, however. They’ve could’ve never come this far without him.

Slowly, she walks towards him across the sea of wool and comfort until she reaches his side. One hand is hidden behind her back and the other reaches for the two to face one another, his chin up to meet her gaze—glossy and adorn. “Look what I found.” From behind her back, she holds out something tin and ragged—a good ol’ can of peaches—a favor, a promise. Funnily enough, it’s the same brand that Sam had brought the first night at the farmhouse.

“We’ll be okay here, baby…only for a little while, alright?.” Once empty-handed, arms loop around his waist and hang there, a star like glow that reside in her eyes, much like every time she looks at him.

@xgoldxnhour

The decision to join a community had not been an easy one and in truth it had taken right up until Eloise’s third trimester before Sam had finally given in and admitted with a heavy heart that continuing to survive on their own with a baby well on the way, in the coldest winter they’d ever known, was simply proving too difficult and dangerous. Unwilling to allow his stubborn nature and persisting fear to put Eloise and their unborn child at risk any longer, Sam had eventually agreed to leave the homestead, carefully barricading it up, in the hope that they might one day be able to return to it. Having packed their belongings and supplies into their truck they had, with fear and trepidation hanging heavy in their hearts, they had headed out on the road to find survivors, all too aware of how terrible it could turn out if they stumbled across the wrong kinds of people, again.

On their travels they had come across many small, disparate groups, most freezing or starving, existing in the kinds of desperate states that make good people do terrible things. Sam, despite the ensuing guilt, had point blank refused to stop for any of them, no matter how pained their cries as they frantically chased after the truck, begging for their help.

They had been driving for five days and had stopped to replenish their water supplies when they had finally met someone who seemed relatively trustworthy; a man called Aaron, who had told them about a community that was said to be thriving, one living in solid buildings with running water, he had even told them about the medical facility the community had recently set up which, he claimed, could help with the upcoming birth of their baby.

At first Sam had scoffed at the idea, deciding anything seeming too good to be true, must certainly be so but as the night had gone on and they agreed to camp together, they were afforded the opportunity to get to know Aaron better and in doing so were eventually convinced to allow Aaron to travel with them, to take them back to this town; the town of Alexandria.

Their residency of course, was not guaranteed and they had both had to undergo separate interviews before being allowed to stay. Neither, of course, had spoken about their experience in the railcars, nor made mention of the weapons they had buried directly outside of Alexandria’s walls as a precaution, just in case this town was not nearly as wholesome as it might seem. In truth, both remained convinced that as soon as they baby was born and the warm weather returned, they would likely leave; from their experience, communities like these rarely lasted.

====================

“I still can’t believe it...”

Standing staring at the running faucet, Sam can’t help but marvel at it; at the prospect of fresh, crisply clear running water. Staring down at his bare feet, he scrunches tufts of warm, soft carpet between his toes as he shakes his head in stark disbelief. This is their new home; a whole house, one that looks like a new build in some glossy magazine.

“I didn’t think places like this existed anymore.”

[saviourisms]

Trying To Survive

@captkillianjcnes

Emma had been dating Killian since high school and while they fought like any other couple, they stayed together all through college. The four years they were together while in college proved to be the most challenging as he moved several states away to pursue his career in the degree he would be getting. Florida had been the state of choice and while she knew that it would more than likely be on his radar, it was still a challenge to have their relationship turn long distance. They broke up once because of it only to come back together, visiting each other during breaks and spending summers together taking turns by commuting for the summer.

Emma stayed in Maine as she had been given a scholarship for her degree in criminal justice. At the start of each semester, Emma couldn't help but count the days remaining until each break. She missed Killian more than verbalizing could even express, often getting frustrated with men on campus who didn't seem to care that she was dating someone else. Her responses only showed just how much Emma loved Killian, wanting to honour and respect him even when he lived several states away.

"I'm not interested."

"I have a boyfriend." 

"Leave me alone." 

Those were just a few of her responses to those who didn't know how to take no for answer, not until Killian was physically by her side when he visited her and his old hometown 

In 2010, Thanksgiving break proved to be the most memorable one for her. Emma made sure to set aside her entire week to be with the man she loved to celebrate their anniversary, seven years together. It left Emma speechless that they had been together since freshman year in high school, not counting the short break they took when Killian moved away. Emma wanted to visit their old hangouts, try to find the tree on their high school grounds where they shared their first kiss under... Emma wasn't one to be sentimental and yet Killian had always brought that side out of her. 

The week had come to an end and as Emma begged him to move back home and be with her, they were able to make love and focus on each other one last time. "I want to marry you." She mentioned shortly after once she placed her head on his bare chest. "That's what I want. To marry you after we graduate, to be together for the rest of our lives. I don't know how much longer I can take not seeing you every day." 

At first, Emma was afraid to bring up the topic of marriage, but they had been dating for seven years. Wouldn't that have to come up in conversation anyway? It had to sometime, right? And when Killian only agreed to the idea, Emma couldn't help but kiss him as her mind thought of their future together, her wedding playing so perfectly in her mind. It was the last memory she had with Killian before dropping him off at the airport the next morning, before getting home in the afternoon and watching the latest news report of two people acting insane. Before.. before the world she once new fell to shit around her. It was like the world changed overnight and it quite literally did, her friend waking her up panicking because riots on their street were happening. It lead to her packing the necessities and watching as her neighbours panicked. Screams could have been heard for miles as she watched as some attacked each other, blood everywhere only to watch as her roommate she could have sworn was behind her be taken and devoured by another human being. 

"Ruby!" Emma went running after her roommate, her best friend... but the sound of her scream for her friend's name only encouraged the people that seemed to be in a trance walk towards her. She drove off, drove to her parents... but the sight there was just as bad, if not worse than what it looked like on her block. 

What is happening?! Where are my parents? 

"Mom?! Dad?!" Emma ran into their home and began searching every room, but it wasn't until she came back into the living room that she saw her father sitting on the floor with her mother in his arms. "Dad? No.." Mary Margaret had died from injuries to her head as her father informed her, sacrificing herself when two people came into their home unresponsive to his demands to leave. Who are these people? What are they? Several came staggering into the neighbourhood after that as Emma noticed from the window, immediately closing and locking the front door soon after. Her attention turned to her father as she yelled at him that they had to leave, to get out of the town, the city... get someplace safe. "You can bring mom if you want, we can bury her when we’re safe. We can't stay here, Dad! Please!" Emma accepted that her father wouldn't leave, accepted that she would die alongside him, but it was that realization that made David come back to reality. The small herd of... "people" were approaching their home, which provided them with a few minutes to get back into her car and leave. They left unscathed and with no direction in mind, Emma continued to drive south in hopes of finding a safe haven. 

They found a safe place to call home for a few days outside the city where they buried Mary Margaret, meeting some kind people on the road once they ran out of gas and were forced to walk in the days and weeks that follow, where they cautious of their surroundings. They soon realized that the "people" that were unresponsive to them were flesh eaters... dead coming back to life, infecting those that were alive with a fever that killed them in the end, to make them like the dead walking around them. It felt like a nightmare and one that no one could ever wake up from. 

As they moved further south as the months turned into years, Emma never once allowed the necklace that held Killian's most precious ring leave her body. Emma never stopped thinking about Killian as she remained by her father's side, determined to make her way to Florida with hopes of finding Killian alive and well. That was when they stumbled into Alexandria and continued walking mindlessly. Hunger and exhaustion overcame them and if they didn't find a safe haven soon, Emma knew they would be too weak to defend themselves against walkers or people.

And when they needed it the most, when they need a safe haven... someplace to call home instead of constantly having to be on the run, Emma noticed a gated community and couldn't help but cry. The people welcomed her and David without question, which Emma found to be odd despite her weakened state. She had experienced what it was like being with bad people and being so desperate now made her vulnerable. 

Despite such a concern her father also shared, the community was one they could call home. They still had homes that weren't damaged, still had power... the taste of an iced tea soothed her. The majority of the people that lived there since the outbreak begin carried on the old life she once knew, which Emma couldn't help but feel like that was a lapse in judgement on their part. The dead and bad people will always find a way in. It was a thought a new group that came in after they did share as well, which was why Emma bonded faster with them rather than Deanna and her group.

In time, Emma grew close with both sets of groups, Rick's and Deanna's. Everyone seemed to value and respect Emma and her opinions alongside Rick's due her background that was so similar to his. Emma found herself befriending Maggie and Glenn, their friendship meant the world to her and one she would risk her life for if the opportunity came. Emma forgot what it was like to trust more people than her father, to call people friends... family. It was why Emma didn't hesitate in volunteering to go with Glenn, Rosita, Daryl, Michonne, Abraham, Rick, Sasha, Aaron, Carl, and Eugene... her friends to bring Maggie to Hilltop. Maggie was having complications with her pregnancy and the last thing Emma wanted was to lose another person, a baby... a life that would be a gift to a chaotic world around them. 

They were heading for Hilltop to see the doctor there and yet fate had other plans. Each way they went was blocked off and whistling sounds came to their ears. That was when they saw a few members of the Saviour's at a few roadblocks, making it impossible for them to find a way to Hilltop as obstacles came between them. I'm not going to let Maggie and the baby die. 

When Rick suggested that Eugene take the RV and leave as a distraction, Emma agreed to his request to go with them through the woods. He believed it would be safer than trying to fight their way through other obstacles, but they needed to remain cautious of the walkers that could potentially surprise them.  "No guns. Knives only." Rick ordered, everyone nodding in agreement. 

That's when they heard whistling again and it resulted in the group picking up their pace, but they were caught off guard as lights blinded them. They were trapped with no chance of escaping without someone getting hurt, killed... or all of them, for that matter. Emma immediately scanned their surroundings and saw that the RV had been captured, Eugene on his knees in front of them. 

"Good. You made it." A figure from the shadows came into the light. "Welcome to where you're going. I'll take your weapons now."  "We can talk about this." Emma looked over at Rick as he spoke, as he tried to create a deal with the Saviour's. 

"It's not the time to talk." The man grinned, "It's time to listen." Without asking for their weapons a second time, he nodded for some of the group to remove the weapons from them. Emma's back was currently facing the RV where someone from her past was in plain sight. 

The man made everyone get on their knees in a straight line once they helped Maggie first. Emma couldn't help but notice Rick's expression of terror on his face and that was when she started to worry. He never shows fear. That's when Emma turned to face the RV as the same man approached her. "I need you on your knees." He told her, "Which is something I think a pretty thing like yourself has experience in doing, right?" It was a filthy joke that he couldn't help but laugh over. She wanted to say something and yet someone caught her eye, a man from her past she believed to be dead once the outbreak began. K... Killian?! Emma's eyes widened and she desperately wanted to run to him, to throw herself into his arms and kiss him. She couldn't. She couldn't react and risk the well-being of one of her friends. He's alive? Killian is alive?

"Let's meet the man!" That's when Emma learned the man that taunted her and the rest of her friends was only second in command to the man she heard so much about. As Emma watched the door of their RV opening and the boots of Negan coming into the light, that's when Emma finally got to put a face to the infamous name. 

"Have we pissed in our pants yet?" Negan asked with a smirk as a weapon, a bat she assumed, wrapped in some kind of wire resting on his shoulder. "Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close." He approached the group and began pacing back and forth. "It's going to be pee-pee city real soon here, I think. Which one of you pricks is the leader?" 

"This one. He's the guy." 

"You're Rick, right? I'm Negan." He smirked, "And I don't appreciate you and your friends killing my men. Not cool. You have no idea how not cool that shit is, but I think you're going to be up to speed here shortly." 

That's when Emma could feel her body shaking as she looked at Negan before glancing briefly at Killian. 

"You are so going to regret crossing me in a few minutes. This is the New World order, are you ready? Pay attention." Emma was right beside Abraham and watched as Negan brought his bat inches from Rick's face. "Give me your shit or I will kill you. Today was career day. We invested a lot so that you can know who I am," Negan grinned as he walked down the line, "and what I can do. You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me. That's your job. You built something. You thought you were safe, I get it. But the word is out, you are not safe. Not even close. In fact, you are pegged, more pegged if you don't do what I want."

Emma clenched her hands and lips together as she watched Negan walk over to Maggie. "You look shitty! I should just put you out of your misery right now." Emma closed her eyes as she heard Glenn's cry, begging Negan not to hurt her. 

"Get him back in line. Don't any of you do that again. I will shut that shit down, no exceptions! First one's free. It's an emotional moment, I get it." Negan paced back and forth more. "I gotta pick somebody but I simply cannot decide." 

Emma couldn't help as her body began to shake more, her eyes falling onto Killian again. 

"I got an idea!" Negan walked over to Maggie again and pointed his bat at her and continued down the line. "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Catch a tiger by... his toe. If... he hollers let him go. My mother told me to pick the very best one and you... are... it." 

It. 

Negan had ended with the bat pointing directly at Emma as she looked at him with fear in her eyes, eyes looking over at Killan as she began to shake. It was her. After everything she had been through, after fighting so long and hard to get to Killian only to see him standing on the other side of the group that surrounded them... It wasn't fair. 

"Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the other boy's eye out and feed it to his father. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you're all going to be doing that." With Negan extending his bat above Emma's head, Emma closed her eyes only to hear the bat hitting the person beside her. Abraham! 

“Look at that! Taking it like a champ!”

Emma couldn’t help but scream as she watched a man she loved like family, someone she came to respect to highly fall victim to Negan’s bat. “No! Stop it!”

[bethgreeneishopeunseen]

The Guilt of Sasha Williams

(I’m combining asks since they cover the same topic essentially.)

When Sasha sacrificed herself in the finale this spring, her flashbacks to the music box scene increased discussion on her connection to Beth (X). But I’ll come back to the music box scenes in 7x16 later. 

Sasha’s first connection to Beth and cars goes all the way back to 4x01. In that episode Gimple seeded many future plot elements from Rich0nne to the Gl3ggie baby. In this episode, Daryl quips the infamous “damn romance novel” line, foreshadowing his future relationship/arc with Beth, which fits the arc of a romance novel perfectly (X) (X) (X). As he says that, the camera pans past him and passes over Tyreese and Sasha as they load up a car. They put in black crates with white crosses on them. The order of these shots is not a coincidence.

In Alone, Daryl does the best he can to confirm his feelings for Beth (X), and before he can finish, in the style of a romance novel she is kidnapped. For months, the only clue we and Daryl have of what happened is a black car with a cross on the back window.

Fast forward to season 5. Sasha and Tyreese have opposing views on how to save Beth and C@rol, and she’s also struggling with Bob’s death. They discuss the situation while overlooking the Grady parking lot. @bethgreenewarriorprincess​ and I theorized that Team Family could have taken the truck and later left Beth in it (X). The truck has a fridge in its bed, which would resemble a marble tomb. The truck also has a red bandanna tied to the radio antennae, similar to the red bandanna that Daryl used to tie the car trunk shut in 4x12. The truck even mirrors the Grady car, with the black body and white on the back. As I mentioned in my linked meta, the truck functions as a symbolic hearse. 

In 5x07, Sasha’s grief leads her to misjudge Grady!Bob, and he escapes. His death leads to Dawn having no allies, leaving her to ask for Noah back. It’s a chain reaction, a ripple effect like Martin said in 5x09 (X). 

In the span of a few weeks, Sasha loses her boyfriend, her best friend’s younger sister, and her brother. Sasha never sees her brother die, only being able to say goodbye at his funeral. They were alike in a lot of ways, and they both experienced guilt because of Beth, Ty’s was just more overt. Twice in 5x09, Tyreese focused on a female walker that was trapped in a car, and the shadowed walker looked so much like Beth that during the midseason hiatus, members of Team Delusional were convinced it was the actual Beth. In its first appearance, the walker caught the whole group off guard. I showed the scene to my old roommate, and she even noticed the group’s distress, and she doesn’t watch the show (X). By now, one trapped walker should not disturb these people. Unless of course, it reminded them of the girl they left behind.

The second time we see the walker is when Tyreese is dying. He stares at it as Rick drives away, and afterwards, Ty sees Beth as the driver. It is the last time we see her onscreen in any sense of “alive”. We see her onscreen one more time in 5x13. (This is also the last time Emily and Chad’s name appear on the title card.)

When the group reaches Alexandria, everyone struggles to adjust to the community’s fucked-up idea of “normal”. Sasha is one of the members having the hardest time, for obvious reasons. In 5x13, Sasha goes to Alexandria’s welcome party but quickly starts having flashbacks to various events in season 5. The flashbacks manifest as quick flashes of visuals and sounds. At 0:56, viewers see a clip of Daryl carrying Beth out of the hospital. (Unfortunately the video that the second anon linked no longer works so I recorded the scene myself.)

The shot is not from Sasha’s point-of-view, as she was behind Daryl and to his left (our right in this shot). The fence shot would be at the opposite side, behind Abraham. The flashback serves to remind the audience of Beth having no funeral, no closure for her family or for us, as it was juxtaposed against shots of Bob when he died beside Sasha and Ty being buried. It also reminds the audience of Beth and Daryl’s relationship, of his love for her, both of which are reinforced as Daryl has a “serious spaghetti” dinner with Aaron and Eric in this episode instead of going to the party. (This was also the episode with Buttons, when Daryl said, “You used to be somebody’s, now you’re just yours.” Which, jesus fucking christ the show is kicking us in the groin over this and I can’t sometimes.) The shot is also in motion, and rather than ending on the last shot of Coda, it leaves the story open for Beth in this moment, since we never saw what happened after. (I recommend reading this old meta on the flashback: X.)

Furthermore, Rick’s interest in Jessie continued to develop in this episode. @bethgreenewarriorprincess once theorized that he was drawn to her as a way to compensate for losing Beth, as she was designed as a Beth proxy: X. (Just compare pictures of her in the show to pictures in the comics and the differences are obvious.) He sees Jessie trapped in an abusive marriage, akin to Beth being trapped in an abusive community, so his subconscious sees it as a chance to save the girl he failed. He made the mistake of giving the Governor a chance, and it cost him Hershel and the prison. At first he wanted to just go into Grady guns blazing, but he deferred to Tyreese’s plan, and they still lost Beth. It’s why we see Rick go into Shane-mode in 5b, becoming more aggressive as Pete becomes more possessive and as his abuse comes to light. Rick can’t take chances anymore. In addition, at the end of the episode, after seeing Jessie with Pete, Rick hears a walker on the other side of the wall. He checks it out, and the scene is filmed with a strange, dreamlike mood to emphasize the effects of P.T.S.D.. A way TPTB did this was to use the song “Spicks and Specks” by the Bee Gees, which include these lyrics: “Where are the girls/I left far behind/The spicks and the specks/Of the girls on my mind/Where is the sun/That shone on my head.” And as we know, in TWD symbolism, Beth IS the Sun: X.

To resume, after having this flashback Sasha starts to bury walkers, specifically in 5x16. Like Rick, she is trying to “correct” her past mistake. She couldn’t stop the herd, and she couldn’t bury Beth, so she’s going to put down every walker that she can and then put them in the ground. It’s reminiscent of Morgan in 3x13, but Morgan just burned the bodies. Sasha is paying mind to the walkers’ past lives, and TPTB are alluding back to the funeral home caretaker and Beth’s “don’t you think that’s beautiful?” philosophy.

Towards the end of the episode, Sasha seeks out Father Gabriel for guidance. Gabriel instead accuses her of sins, also implicating her brother in her actions.

“Why wouldn't you want to die? You don't deserve to be here. What you did can never be undone. The dead don't choose, but the choices you made, how you sacrificed her. 

I know what you're doing. 

Bob was mutilated. Consumed. Destroyed because of your sins. 

Stop it.

Your brother felt he was apart from it. He was a part of it. He didn't deserve to be here. You don't! 

Stop it! Stop it!” [emphasis mine]

(Subtitles note that Gabriel said “your own”, but this is wrong. I’ve listened to the audio, with and without headphones, as well as showed it to two friends. We’ve all heard “her”, which is very different from “your own” linguistically). 

I believe that during those 17 days Gabriel brought the walkers down on the group, similar to him leading the walkers from the school to the church in 5x08 (X). In 5x14, he told Deanna that the group was bad, as Maggie eavesdropped with a heartbroken look on her face. He saw them leave behind one of their own, and Maggie couldn’t confront Deanna about Gabriel’s as she couldn’t face losing Beth again. (Maggie copes by compartmentalizing to the extreme.) Tyreese and Sasha made the decision to put Beth, because of Gabriel’s mistake, so of course Sasha would be a walking reminder for what he did. That’s why he lashes out at her. The guilt would be even higher if the three of them believed that Beth was alive, as you don’t sacrifice a body. You sacrifice something alive. (I also believe that Abraham was involved, such as being the one to actually come up with the idea, because of marketing and certain narrative elements: X. It would partially explain why he and Sasha clicked so much in season 6.)

Overall, 5b focuses on the group coming to terms with losing Beth in different ways, especially those who feel most responsible. Towards the end of the summer hiatus TPTB continued to connect Beth and Sasha, using a Beth-walker in several character posters and promos (X) (X) (X) (X). 

In a massive meta Christy and I worked on last year, we noticed that the missing 17 days likely had similarities to the No Way Out arc in 6a and 6x09 (X). Everyone, but especially Rick, Sasha, Abe, and Daryl were struggling struggling in 5b and some of 6a as they hadn't resolved Beth. I think we saw many similarities to the No Way Out arc is because the No Way Out arc is how Rick and Co. came to terms with losing Beth. Hence why we saw that Beth walker in so many posters leading up to season 6. They hadn't fully come to terms with the loss of Beth until they relieved it and accepted that what happened happened and couldn’t be undone.

They lost Jessie/Beth again, but saved a whole community from a herd. It’s like Tyreese/Bob said in 5x09, “It went the way it had to. The way it was always going to.”

Beth had to be left behind so the Grady people could retrieve her, giving her needed medical treatment. Narratively, Beth also couldn’t just leave Grady. She had to escape there on her own (X).

Season seven is a retread of 5b and 6a. The group loses an emotional pillar of the group as well as a pillar of physical strength back-to-back, again, and all of TF has to rebuild, readjusting to new communities and changed dynamics. In the end, Sasha sacrifices herself for her family. The story comes full circle. While I worked on this meta, Christy and I talked about how the Williams siblings are twins, symbolically. As we’ve thought in the past, their deaths book end Beth’s “death” and resurrection. Go and rewatch 5x10, which is Beth’s resurrection in allegory. In two separate scenes characters talk about “being the same”. Michonne counsels Sasha, who was grieving through anger like Tyreese did with Karen. Then C@rol reached out to Daryl, acknowledging their similarities while also acknowledging that they grieve differently. The story keeps going in circles, keeps going back in time to Beth and her story, moving the characters through a funhouse. Sasha becomes the final mirror, committing suicide, as Beth once tried to, except to save her family. She dies in the coffin, which is covered by a yellow sheet, and “comes back”, disrupting the group’s confrontation with the Saviors as the ballerina’s resurrection inside the music box disrupted her and Maggie’s confrontation with Aaron. That’s why we saw original flashbacks of the music box scene four times. TPTB wanted to draw connections and show the parallels between the flashbacks and Sasha’s last stand.

Be patient, loves. It’s only a matter of time before Beth comes back from her own music box.