#how do I balance 'you're an adult you don't have to preemptively punish yourself for your shortcomings forever'
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part of me wants to invest in a few Good Watercolors part of me is like 'I don't DESERVE good watercolors I haven't EARNED THE RIGHT to get good watercolors'
#how do I balance 'you're an adult you don't have to preemptively punish yourself for your shortcomings forever'#against 'I have an awareness of my shortcomings and one of them is if I buy expensive paint in an adhd passion I might not actually use it'#I mean-- I won't NOT use it EVER like it won't go BAD or anything#but I've had this same cotman pocket set for like fifteen years#and on the one hand okay! if I buy high quality watercolors and they last the rest of my life then that was a pretty good investment!#but obviously on the other hand if I use watercolors so infrequently can I justify getting better ones... it's not like I really need them#I dunno. I dunno!! I feel like my colors are really dull and unsatisfying and more densely pigmented paint would make me really happy#but I also feel guilty about going into these adhd manias that last JUST long enough for me to Buy Things#I'm in a 'wehhh I wanna life sketch more' phase right NOW but will it even last the rest of the week lmao :')#about me
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