#how close am i to the part where eddie dies

[dearhargrove]

Reassurance

summary You comfort Evan after he has to deal with his parents over the course of four days.

word count 730

tags fluff, just someone being there for my bb buck, short and sweet

a/n So basically I was watching the Buck Begins episode and died every minute where his parents neglected him and generally every second of that episode :( so expect some more Buck fics to come (Eddie too tho !!)

masterlist

You didn't know but you were probably the sole reason Buck wasn't completely breaking down every day he wakes up and has to deal with the two people that call themselves his parents.

After the first dinner he had felt bad, but he'd felt like he usually does with them. Alone, unwanted and never enough. That day he'd come home to you, quiet and dull.

You hadn't made him talk about it when he didn't start explaining himself, instead you simply wrapped your arms around him and held him close. That's when he'd felt loved. That night he waited until you had fallen asleep before letting himself cry.

What did he expect? For some reason he had hoped they'd changed. Or at least that they would be proud of him. After all, he'd saved a lot of people and does so every day. Instead he is reminded that they hadn't bothered to check on him when he almost died twice - first by being crushed and second because of the blood clots - and then laid in the hospital.

Those were the people supposed to love him no matter what and all he got was constant criticism.

That night you had woken up not long after him because of his missing warmth. With a worried expression you'd found him and once again, held him close. He had melted into your arms, tears starting to fall again as he clutched you close as if scared to lose you.

After reassurance you would gladly give any day you had gone back to bed, your hand on his cheek and caressing his birthmark.

Today you hadn't even known Buck would see them or be confronted by their doings. The last time you'd heard about them was when he explained that he had a brother. That he was only conceived to be a match for a bone marrow transplant.

That night had been harder than the one before. You're quite sure no matter how much you tried to show him that he wasn't just a failed way to save someone you don't think it got completely through to him. And you didn't blame him; you couldn't imagine living with something like that weighing you down.

You're in his kitchen trying one of Bobby's recipes when the door opens and Buck comes in. You could read him like a book; there wasn't a moment you weren't able to tell what he was feeling. But now? You genuinely didn't know.

He was frowning but there's a smile resting on his face and his eyes are red.

“Buck?”

He looks up, seeing you there in his sweater with a knife in your hand as you chop vegetables for a recipe from Bobby he loved, and he breaks. But instead of simply crying he chuckles, too.

“Buck, what's going on?” Your voice is worried and he just shakes his head as he wraps his arms around your waist and presses his forehead to yours. You put the knife down and reach up to cup his face and your index finger soothes over his birthmark, something you'd made a habit over the year of being with him.

“I think they're finally accepting me for.. me.” He only says and you sigh but nod. He notices your slight apprehension and quickly adds on, “But I don't want them to. I don't need their acceptance. They don't decide how much I'm worth.”

Your mouth forms an ‘o’ in surprise but you laugh breathlessly and nod, “Exactly. You're saving lives on the daily, you don't need anyone to tell you how good you are. Not your parents, not your friends, not me.”

He nods along until the last part where he cocks his head and looks at you with his signature half smirk. “I do need you to tell me how good I am, actually.” That makes you smile as well and you sigh, “That's not what I meant and you know it.”

He just shrugs and unlike when he first came in you can see pure happiness and love on his face.

“God, I love you so much, Evan Buckley.”

He grins and surges forward to kiss you passionately, his hands gripping your hips as if you'd slip through his fingers any moment.

[steddieas-shegoes]

i love you enough

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'roadtrip/vacation' rated m wc: 995 cw: nightmare, implied sexual content tags: friends to lovers, getting together, love confessions, first kiss, loosest way to reference vacation is staying in a hotel

------------------------------------

"Steve...Steve!"

His eyes opened wide as Eddie's hands shook him awake.

"Jesus Christ, man. I thought I'd have to push you off the bed," Eddie sighed, his hold on Steve's shoulders loosening but not going away.

"Sorry," Steve gasped, his breath caught in his chest like he was about to have a panic attack.

This nightmare had been different.

Instead of Robin dying under the mall, it was Eddie. Instead of Steve being able to convince the Russians that he should be taken, Eddie convinced them he knew all they needed to know.

It was the exact type of falling on the sword Eddie would do.

Steve's eyes landed on Eddie, who was watching him silently, looking like he was doing his best not to cry.

"Eds? You okay?" Steve's voice cracked.

"Shit, are you?" Eddie asked back, letting out a disbelieving laugh.

"Yeah, sorry I woke you up."

"You're kidding, right?"

Eddie looked mad. He sounded mad.

"No, I'm really sorry. I know you don't sleep so great, either, so," Steve shrugged. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanna go down the hall to the girls' room."

Eddie blinked at him, silence making the air feel thick with an awkwardness they hadn't had between them in months.

And then Eddie's hands were cupping his face, almost lovingly.

"Do you ever think about how other people care about you?" Eddie asked, barely more than a whisper. "Or how seeing you suffer and then apologize for it breaks our hearts?"

Steve's mouth was opening and closing like a fish, searching Eddie's eyes for the answer he wanted.

"You have no idea how much people love you, do you?" Eddie's forehead rested against Steve's.

"I-"

"Stevie. I need you to listen to me." Eddie breathed out slowly. "I can't imagine how much you've seen. I know you've told me, and I've seen some of it myself, but half of the shit you've done? Just to keep everyone safe? And you keep seeing it in nightmares all the time. It never goes away. You're so strong. You get up every day and go to work, and cart the kids around, and bring me to appointments, and cook dinner for me and Wayne, and help Robin with her girl problems, and then you go to bed and have to worry about what monsters will be waiting for you. And then you wake up the next day and pretend it didn't happen, but we all know it did. I know it did."

Steve sniffled.

"And here I am, shaking in the corner of my bed because I think I hear a noise outside my window one time." They both let out a laugh, but Eddie continued before Steve could interrupt. "I was scared. I tried waking you up when you first started making noises. You sounded like you were hurt. And then you said Dustin's name and I could feel you shaking. And then-"

"And then I said your name."

Eddie nodded.

Steve placed his hands at Eddie's neck, almost mirroring Eddie.

"You died. But it was the Russians. You convinced them you knew something to distract them from me and the kids, but you didn't so they just kept...they-" He let out a sob as tears fell down his cheeks. "They did to you what they were gonna do to me."

"Oh, sweetheart."

Eddie's lips were on his.

It shouldn't be happening like this, a part of Steve thought.

It should be romantic and sweet, maybe after a date where Steve used all the charm he's been saving just for Eddie, maybe when the reason for the wetness against their cheeks was because of rain instead of tears.

But in a way, it was always going to be like this: admitting too much at the wrong time, saving each other from pain.

Regardless of all the ways it should be and all the ways he wished for it to be, it was perfect.

When Eddie pulled away, he let out a small laugh.

"Robin said this would happen as soon as I said I was staying in your room."

"She said I would have a nightmare that left us both crying and kissing in a bed that is definitely big enough for us to not be cuddling, but we definitely were?" Steve asked with a smirk. "She's good, but I don't think she's that good."

"Oh, shut up," Eddie lightly smacked his shoulder. "You know what I meant."

He did. She'd said the same to him.

"Well, maybe if you hold my hand, I'll be able to fall back asleep?" Steve suggested.

"Yeah, I could do that. Or..."

"Or?"

"Or I could..."

"You could?"

Eddie nipped his bottom lip.

"I could kiss you in...other places..."

"Eds, just say what you wanna do," Steve giggled.

"Fine! I could suck you off so you can sleep!" Eddie laughed.

"You could do that, yeah," Steve nodded, pretending that wasn't enough to rile him up.

"I could. If you want."

"Is it just to help me fall asleep?" Steve asked, suddenly nervous that this wasn't anything more than helping out a friend.

"If I wasn't completely clear before: I love you. I love you enough to sacrifice myself in your nightmares, I love you enough to do stupid physical therapy sessions that I hate because you get sad when I don't go, I love you enough to make Robin take a room with Nancy and Jonathan so I could stay right here with you, and I love you enough to suck your dick to help you sleep."

Steve snorted.

"Be my guest, then," he gestured down at his lap, watching Eddie literally lick his lips.

Just when Eddie was breathing against his stomach, ready to move further down, Steve stopped him.

"Wait!" Eddie looked up at him, eyes wide. "I love you, too. Need you to know that."

Fondness poured from Eddie as he pressed a kiss to Steve's stomach.

"I know, sweetheart."

[justmeinadaze]

Created A Monster Part 2 (Steddie X Kas Y/N)

A/N: Totally new for me here. Reader kind of takes more control in this one but I'm not calling it Sub/Dom dynamics. As someone going through some shit right now, this is kinda something I needed with the angst and their strong need to please her <3.

Enjoy!

Part 1

I can also leave it here or add another part. Up to you!

Warning: Steddie & Kas (vampire) Reader, SMUT, I read that bats give off pheromones so that was KINDA utilized here but all three here are consenting, dirty talk, boys desperate for her praise, etc. FLUFF, reader has memories of the guys that she forgot thanks to Vecna, it shows the love they had/have for each other. Memories are in black bold.

ANGST (because I'm me), she does insult them a lot through the beginning and they do what they can to make her remember them. The feels are abound. There is a cameo from the envision they have of her from part 1. She's always represented with italicized font. She mentions being hit by Vecna which makes the guys mad (rightfully!). There is a moment in the upside down near the end where Vecna expresses disappointment in her. That world is in red font. Cliffhanger ending.

Word Count: 6099

"Got you on your knees, beggin', "Mommy, please?" Girl I used to be, now she isn't me, say, "R.I.P."

Call a doctor I think I created a monster She's got a psycho inside her But I think that I kinda like her."

After removing your armor, they hastily tied you to a pillar and waited for you to wake. 

“I watched her die in my arms, Steve. I held her till she took her last breath and even then people had to drag us away from her. How is she here?”

“I don’t know. She looks different…harder. She was always a badass but…’My master sends his regards.’ What can that mean?”

“In D&D there’s a character called Kas. He’s a solider with a sword who Vecna grants eternal life and in turn he becomes his right-hand man killing Vecna’s enemies.”

 “But then why would she come after us?”

“I mean we did help take him out—”

“No, asshole. I mean why is she, Y/N, coming after us, the men she loves?”

Growling catches their attention as your eyes flutter open and you take in your surroundings. 

“Sweetheart.”, Eddie coos as he holds up his hands in surrender to show he’s not a threat. “How are you feeling? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine but you aren’t. As soon as I get out of here, I’m going to rip you apart.”

“Oh, well, that’s nice.”

Steve rolls his eyes as he steps closer to you.

“Do you know who we are?”

“Steven Harrington, the former pathetic king of Hawkins who helped hurt my master by setting him on fire and Edward Munson who helped by distracting his babies so they couldn’t protect him. Still on the run, freak?”

Their eyes darkened as they listened to you speak. This wasn’t the girl they fell in love. You would have never said things like this to them before. 

“And who are you then?”

Your body straightens as you raise your chin in defiance. 

“I am my master’s right-hand and his strongest knight. I protect him and kill any of his enemies that he asks of me.”

“Ah, I see. So you’re his bitch?”

Baring your fangs, you hiss Eddie’s way causing both men to jump back before regaining their composure.

“My master takes care of me. He saved me when I was left bleeding to death on the concrete after you and friends tried to kill me!”

“Is that what he told you? No. No, honey, that’s not what happened. You were on our side of that fight.”

“My master said you would lie.”, you growl.

“HE killed you, Y/N. Him and his ‘babies’.”, the metalhead responded in an equally angry tone. “You were supposed to come back with us but you sacrificed yourself by distracting those things. THEY pinned you down and THEY bit into you. You died in my arms, sweetheart. How can you not remember this? I was fucking screaming at you—”

“Y/n! No, no, no, no, no. Stay with me, baby. Don’t you fucking close those beautiful eyes. Henderson! Go get Steve. Fucking hurry!”

“Be nice, a-asshole.”, you try to chuckle. “Eddie…I’m scared.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, ok? I’m right here and Steve is on his way. We’re gonna get you to a hospital. I just need you to keep talking with me.”

“I lo-ove you both…so much.”

“Hey, don’t you do that. Don’t fucking tell me goodbye!”

“It’s not goodbye… it’s—”

“…See you later.”

When you cut off Eddie’s story, his eyes locked with yours and for just a moment he saw the old you reflecting back within them. Their tiny victory was short lived however when your features hardened once more and you spit in their direction. 

“Let me go now and I promise to kill you quickly.”

“What should we do?”, Steve asked his friend, ignoring your threat. “We can’t tell the others about her because then they may want to kill her.”

“Maybe we can take turns watching her and talking to her? Get her to remember who she is.”

“And what if that’s a lost cause?”

Both men glanced your way as you tried to pull out of your binds.

“Then…we kill her.”

####################

While Steve laid in bed, he stared at the ceiling above completely unable to sleep as the events of the night you died run through his mind. 

He, Nancy, and Robin ran to where Eddie was clutching your limp body to his chest as he sobbed. 

“No! NO! What happened?!”, Steve screamed as he slid to his friend’s side. 

“She didn’t come through with us when we went back through the gate. She stayed behind to distract the bats and fight.”

“O-Ok. Ok, um, need to get her…get her to a…a hospital.”

“Steve—”

“NO!”, he shouted cutting Robin off as he reached over to pry you from the metalhead’s grasp. Dustin placed his hand on his shoulder when it took him a moment to let you go. “Honey?” His voice cracked when he felt how cold your skin was as he cupped your cheek in his palm. “Y/N, come back, baby. We won. We beat him. Vecna’s gone. We-We can go home.”

When your body remained lifeless in his arms, he desperately shook you.

“WAKE UP, Y/N! PLEASE!”

The realm around them began to quake almost knocking them off their feet. 

“We need to go NOW!”, Nancy instructed. 

“Ok, we-we need to lift her and—”

“We can’t Steve. We’ll barely be able to get Dustin back through and—”

“I’M NOT LEAVING HER HERE!”

“Neither am I.”, Eddie growled angrily at the thought. 

“I don’t blame you for having to leave me behind.”, the vision of you coos softly from beside him. “Maybe if you hadn’t I wouldn’t be in the living room right now.”

“That’s not you.”, Steve whispered. “Whoever that is, is what Vecna made her to be.”

“Hm. That’s one way to look at it. What if a version of me was hidden there the whole time and you didn’t know.”

“Please. The girl we knew would never let anyone tell her what to do.”

“Oh wow. Is little Stevie disappointed?” When he rolled away from you, your light laugh echoed in his ears. “You always did like those nights when I took control, didn’t you?”

***

“He’s talking to himself in there.”, you say sarcastically to the metalhead sitting on the counter in front of you strumming his guitar. 

“Yeah…he does that. He’s actually talk to you; a version of you.”

“Hm. We’ll that’s pathetic.” When he doesn’t respond or react to your words, your try to pull at your binds to no avail. “Do you also talk to a figment of your imagination?”

“Sometimes but I go to your grave to do that so I seem less insane.”, Eddie sighs as he readjusts his instrument. 

When his fingers start making a melody, you freeze as you listen to the notes. 

“I know that.”

A small smirk paints his lips as he plays a bit louder but softly murmurs some lyrics. 

“In touch with the ground I'm on the hunt, I'm after you Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd And I'm hungry like the wolf.”

“You always loved that song. I would tease you because you would stop anything you were doing to watch the music video if it came on.”, he chuckles at the memory. 

“It was the fedora hats. Gave off this Indiana Jones vibe I always found attractive.”, the image of you beside Eddie laughed along with him. 

“We surprised you once by buying the outfits they wear and dressing like the band for Halloween. You felt bad because you thought we should all match so we ran to the corner store and bought you this headband with ears and a tail you could clip to your jeans. As soon as we stepped outside you howled real loud like a wolf.”

Eddie’s head hung at the memory, desperately missing those times when you made him unbelievably happy. 

“Baby, it’s ok to have hope that you can bring me back. You know it will kill you if you both don’t try.”, you try to soothe as you step closer to him. “It also ok if I don’t but you accept this new…powerful…stronger…sexier version of me.”

The metalhead snorts out another laugh as he glances towards the chained-up version of you to find your black eyes watching him curiously. 

“Oh come on. I know the armor and attitude got you all riled up.”

“Am I turning you on, freak, or the imaginary friend you both talk to?” A wide toothy smile stretched across your face as you inhaled through your nose. “The other asshole is turned on to if it makes you feel better.”

Eddie listened to you manically laugh as he jumped down from the counter so his friend could take over watching you. He couldn’t handle your snarky attitude anymore. 

#################

“Hey, man. You alright?”, Steve asked as his best friend sleepily came down the hallway rubbing his eyes. 

“Yeah. I think I slept for like a total of 20 minutes.” Eddie’s gaze shifts to your sleeping frame that was now sitting on the floor with your head resting on your shoulder. “When did she knock out?”

“Um, around 6am. I was going to ask you; it seems like she’s a vampire like you said. She has the fangs and hates the sun.”

“Hm and the silver chains seem to be keeping her in place. She’s probably going to be hungry soon. I wonder how she eats. I mean it’s not like Vecna is the kind of asshole to give her blood.”

“Ed…she’s killed a lot of people, remember?”

“Steve?”

The sound of you calling out the man’s name grabbed their attention as the metalhead slowly stepped closer to you. Your eyes were still closed but your breathing had gotten shallow as your head lolled to the other side. 

“Y/N?”

“Steve…Eddie’s…missing…”

The former jock’s eyes widened at your words as the memory flashed through his mind. 

“STEVE! Did you see—”

“Yeah, baby, I did.”, he pants out as he runs around the Family Video counter to take you in his arms. 

“Eddie’s missing! We have to find him! He’s probably terrified and panicking.”

“He’s probably at another friend’s house.”, Robin suggested. “Do you know who else he could be with?”

“I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m not missing anymore. You found me…you always did.”, he cooed. 

His ringed hand shook as he slowly reached for your cheek, breathing a heavy sigh of pleasure when his thumb caressed your cool skin. 

A low rumble left your chest and he promptly retracted when your eyes snapped open. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

“You were having a memory.”

“One of your lies imprinted in my brain!”

Steve angerly kicked one of the lower cabinets before leaning against the counter. A thought crossed his mind and you both watched him as he ran to the tv, searching through the plethora of VHS’s before finding what he wanted. 

Standing back, he pushed a button on the remote and the sound of your laugh echoed through the apartment.

“Steve! I’m going to laugh if we play this back and you’ve been filming the wall the whole time!”

“Honey, the lens is pointing at us. How would it capture the wall?!”

“Here, maybe, if we squeeze closer together…”

“Eddie! You’re crushing my ribs!”, you whine as the metalhead pushes you three closer together. 

Their eyes scan you over as you watch the video in front of you and your whole demeanor softened. 

“You guys are so dumb.”, you giggle and sigh. 

“Yeah but you still love us.”

“Damn right.”, you coo as you tilt up to kiss Steve’s lips. “So why did you spend money on this bulky thing?”

“Because…a few years from now when we’re married and have our six to ten kids…” The boy smiled when you rolled your eyes and your palm reached up to pet Eddie’s curls as he laughed into your shoulder. “… we can look back on this and remember. Remember a time when we were done fighting monsters and villains. A time before I became some awesome businessman working with Robin and making a ton of money.”

“A time before I became a fucking rockstar and women were screaming my name.”

“Oh my god, Ed.”, you laugh before he grips your chin and turns you towards him. 

“I’m sure even then all I hear is you.”, Eddie smiles as he kisses your lips. “What about you, sweetheart? What will you be doing?”

You softly grin as you pull them closer. 

“I don’t know yet but as long as I’m with you two I know I’ll be happy.”

“…I know I’ll be happy.”

When your words echoed alongside the ones in the video, another pang of hope pierced their hearts. 

“Did we fake that? Or imprint the idea in your head?”, Steve asked trying to hide the pleading in his tone. “You loved us and we loved you.”

“So much.”, Eddie added. “Still do, baby.”

A tear fell down your cheek as your eyes stared into a void, fleeting subtly from left to right as if you were sifting through your brain trying to decipher what was real. 

“Leave me alone.”, you commanded in a soft tone as you hung your head. 

Nodding, they did what you ask, surprising even you when they didn’t try to argue back.

***

“Ed! Wake up, man. Something’s wrong.”

Eddie’s head shot up from the chair he had fallen asleep on as his friend began to shake him. 

“Wha--? What’s happening?”

“I don’t know. She’s really clammy and growling.”

Without hesitation, he headed your way and carefully took you in. Your eyes were now fully black as your head leaned back against the wall and you panted heavily. Your shirt was damp against your chest as sweat fell from your temple and your stomach rumbled. 

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

When you didn’t answer, he stepped forward before abruptly pausing when you hissed his way. 

“Hungry.”

“O-Ok. Um, what do you eat? Do need blood?” As he began taking off his bracelets and rings, Steve grabbed his shoulder to stop him. “She needs to eat or she’ll die, Steve.”

“What if she kills you?”

“Then she kills me. I lost her once; I’m not losing her again.”

You blinked as you listened to them speak in such absolutes about you. Your master told you that they were vile, selfish men who left you for dead to save themselves. But then why were they offering to feed you? Why were they trying so hard to keep you around?

“Here, sweetheart, take what you need.” When he noticed you looking at the scars on his wrist, Eddie lightly chuckled. “My, uh, beauty wound.”

“I…have them…to.”

“Yeah.”, he sighed. “I tried to save you but those little fuckers were everywhere. They got me pinned before I could get to you but, um, thankfully Steve saved the day.”

“Y/N! Y/N, I’m coming, princess. Fuck! Let me—ugh!—let me go!”

You shook out his voice screaming inside your head as pain shot through your body and you growled. 

“Shit. Ok, come on, Y/N. Go ahead and eat.”, the metalhead instructed as he placed his wrist by your lips. His scent wafted into your nose as another memory filled your brain. 

“The fuck are you doing you, weirdo?”, Eddie teases when he feels you inhale and nuzzle into his neck while you were straddling his lap as he tried to read. 

“I like the way you smell.”

He cackles through his teeth making you smile as you hug him tighter. 

“I smell disgusting. I haven’t showered in like three days and you know I smoke like a chimney.”

Tilting back, you tenderly kiss his lips. 

“Its YOU. I love the way YOU smell.”

While you were lost in your head, Eddie couldn’t help but caress your cheek and to his pleasure you turned into his palm. 

Suddenly, your teeth sunk into his flesh making him wince as the other boy stepped forward before he held up his free hand to stop him. As you drained his blood his chocolate eyes flutter closed as he groaned, falling towards you as his palm shot out to catch himself against the wall. 

“Talk to me, Munson.”

When his friend didn’t respond, Steve swiftly jumped into action, yanking him from you so hard he fell to the floor. You loudly growled at the action, your wings expanding as you push forward and broke the chain around you. Tackling him to the ground, he did his best to fight against you but you were stronger as your fangs sunk into his neck. 

The former jock’s fight slowly left him as his panicked whimpers were replaced with hefty groans of need as his fingers reached up to lace in your hair. 

“Ok, now look.”

As you slowly open your eyes and see your reflection in the mirror, you let out a loud “HA!” as you cover your mouth to stifle the rest from escaping.  

“What?! You don’t like it?”, Steve teases with a big grin as his large hand lightly pats your floofy hair being held up currently by a ton of hairspray. “You said you wanted to look like Madonna in that one video and for some reason trusted me to accomplish that.”

“I just thought that Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington would have some knowledge into hair.”

“Well, honey that was your mistake, not mine.” The boy’s laugh echoes through his always empty home as you gently hit his arm and he falls onto his back bringing you with him. “I still think you look beautiful.”

Your smile grows as you kiss his lips and he wraps his arms around you. 

“Eddie’s gonna have a field day though.”

“What?”, Steve asked breathlessly as he cupped your cheeks. “Keep going, baby. T-Take it. Take it all if you need to.”

At his words, a bunch of memories flash through your mind at once, overloading your brain as you tumble backwards on to the floor. 

“Whoa! What’s going on, sweetheart?”, Eddie asked as he hastily slid to your side. 

“I guess, um, we’re lab partners today?”, Steve forces a smile as he extends his hand to you. “I’m Steve Harrington.”

Eddie cautiously hands you a cigarette as he eyes you up and down as you both lean against the brick wall. “I’m Eddie…Eddie Munson. What’s your name?”

“Christ, I suck at this. The last person I said this to didn’t feel the same but…I don’t know…It’s just different…with you. What I’m trying to say, Y/N, is…I love you.”

“I love you, sweetheart, so much. I never thought I’d ever feel this way about anyone.”

“STEVE! Oh my God! Are you alright? When you got pulled under again I got so scared. Oh, fuck you’re bleeding. Nancy, do you have anything we can wrap around him?”

“I’m buying you more time. Don’t worry, Eddie, you can spank me after we finish this.”

“Y/N! No! Baby, please! Y/N! Y/N! Y/N.” 

Both men covered their ear as you tilted your head back and screamed. Before either of them could do anything about it, your wings expanded and you flew out the window.

#################

“What happened?”, Dustin asked after Eddie silently opened their front door and he saw their destroyed apartment. “We, um, Mike, Nancy, Robin, and I have been trying to call you guys these past couple of days. Did something happen? Someone break in?”

“No…nothing happened.”, the metalhead responded sullenly as he threw himself down on the couch. 

The young boy’s eyes flicked to Steve who was seemingly fuming as he paced back and forth in their kitchen.

“Did you get cut?”, Dustin inquired as he gestured towards his friend’s neck. 

“She has to come back. We know she’ll come back. She’ll remember. She’ll remember. She’ll remember.”

“Ok, no. Something’s not right! Now tell me or—”

“Or what?”, the former jock snapped. “Or WHAT, Henderson?!” Thrown off guard by his tone, Dustin slowly backed towards the door as his friend stalked his way. “Nothing then? Didn’t think so.” After lightly shoving the boy’s chest, he slammed the door and went back into the kitchen to pace. 

“That was rude.”, the vision of you scolded.

“Fuck OFF.”

“Oooo Mr. Harrington… are you…needy?”, you cackle mockingly as he glares your way. “Hmmm. Who would have thought you were into biting?”

“I’m not…you…you did something…”

“Who? Vampire Kas me? Ha! To be fair, it’s been, what, five months since either of you have gotten any? Feeling me on your lap again probably kick started your cock, you bad boy.”

The sound of glass shatters loudly as Steve throws a plate against the wall towards the vision of you. 

“Would you calm the fuck down!?”, Eddie shouts. 

“Fuck you!! Fuck everybody!”

The metalhead rises to his feet and stomps towards his friend before shoving his chest. 

“I feel it to but you don’t see me screaming at hallucinations and throwing shit!”

“Ugh! What did she do, Munson?!”

“She’s a fucking vampire now, right? Bats give off pheromones… Don’t look at me like that, Harrington! I don’t see you coming up with anything better!”

As night fell, they did everything they could to distract themselves but images of you constantly clouded their mind way more than before. They barely even heard it when your feet landed on the tile in the kitchen and your wings retracted. 

When their eyes landed on you, they thought they were envisioning you again. Your hair was laying down against your shoulders along a clean white tank top with matching shorts. Slowly, you tip toed to the couch where Eddie was laying drenched in sweat. Silently, you grabbed the back of his hand and place his palm against your cheek as you keened into the feeling. 

When his eyes found yours, his eyebrows knitted together as he pushed up on his elbow and his thumb ran along the purple bruise under your eye. 

“What happened, princess?”

Steve crawled from his place on the floor near the hallway till he was right beside you both and used his fingers to brush your hair behind your ear.

“Did I do that? Did we…?”

You shook your head as your gaze averted from theirs. 

“I…I asked my master…too many questions…”

The boy growled as he forced himself to his feet and stumbled towards the sword he had defeated you with on the ground. 

“I helped kill that fucker once, I can do it again.” 

Steve blinked in surprise when you were suddenly in front of him, gently prying the weapon from his hand. As he fell back against the wall, you fell into him and he limply circled his arms around you. 

“I’m sorry, honey. We’re not all…all here…”

Tenderly grabbing his hands, you placed them higher up your back before the sound of your wings expanding filled the apartment causing Eddie to roll off the couch and stagger your way. 

“No, NO, sweetheart, please…don’t go…”

Shaking your head, you place him beside his friend and lightly flap your wings their way. That feeling of need washed over them again causing both men to groan. 

“You were too close.”, you say as you gesture behind you. “It’s meant for enemies…to defuse a situation…I panicked…too many memories.”, you whisper sullenly. 

The metalhead tugs on your wrist, bringing you to him as he pushes your head against him. When your lips pressed against one of his tattoos, he practically melted, moaning at the action. Steve followed with a mewl of his own when your hand reached out to run along the hair that was sticking to his sweaty chest. 

A prominent whine escaped them as you took a few steps back with Eddie falling to his knees and crawling as he tried remaining as close to you as possible. Your eyelids fluttered as his lips trailed from your feet, along your calf, and up your thigh till he reached your stomach. 

After petting the long-haired boy’s head, you sauntered past them both down the hallway, pausing to beckon them with your finger and both men immediately follow. Laying down on the bed, they kiss and run their tongues along any part of your skin they can reach from your neck to the tips of your fingers.

Each pant and heavy whimper that left their mouths knocked something loose in your mind that turned you on more and more. 

“That’s it, Eddie, baby. Harder, please.”

“Fuck, Steve, I can feel you in my stomach.”

“Oh my God, pretty girl. You’re so fucking tight. You take us both so well.”

“That’s it, sweetheart. Ride my cock just like that.”

Lightly guiding his head with your fingers in his hair, you maneuvered Steve between your legs and helped him pull down your shorts while Eddie did the same with your top. 

The metalhead promptly latched onto your tit as the pretty boy pressed gentle kisses against your pussy lips till his tongue licked a long stripe through your folds. 

“Oh fuck, honey. I-I never thought I’d be able to taste you again. Still so fucking sweet.”

As his face fell back in your cunt and his mouth wrapped around your clit, your fingers softly played with his hair.

“That’s it, Steve. Such a good boy for me making me feel so good.”

Jealousy coursed through Eddie at the encouragement, desperately wanting it as well. Rings dug into your flesh as the long-haired boy sucked and nibbled on your breast a bit harder causing your back to arch into the man below. 

“Aw—mmm—does Eddie need some attention to? Fuck, your both gonna make me cum.” 

Both men hurried their rhythm just as desperate to hear you come undone and as you tumbled over the edge, you clung to them tightly as continuous moans fell from your lips. Grinning drunkenly, it took you some time to come down from your high but when you did you were met with animalist grunts as they pushed at each other. 

“You just ate her out! Why do you get to fuck her first?

“Because I can!”

A gruff growl left your throat as you pushed up and gripped Steve’s chin between your fingers roughly. 

“Don’t be greedy, Steve Harrington. You’re both mine and you’ve had a taste. It’s his turn.”

The boy nodded when you let him go, pressing his lips to yours.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. You’re right. You’re right. Forgive me, baby, please.” At his last sentence, Steve’s voice cracked in pain and in return you kissed his forehead. “Thank you. I’m sorry, Ed. I’m so sorry.”

The metalhead curtly nodded as if to say he forgave his friend and when he turned to focus on you, he was rewarded with your legs open wide as your hand rubbed slow circles against your clit.

“Come here, Eddie. I can help make you feel better.”

After climbing the length of your body, his beautiful, glassy eyes locked with yours as he slowly guided his cock into your warm core making him loudly groan. 

“Ahhh my god, Y/N. Y-You feel…” He tried to control the strain in his tone but Eddie was so overwhelmed by the feeling of you as he delivered small, pointed thrusts that had little pants falling from your lips. 

“How do I feel, baby? Tell me.”

His long hair tickled your cheek as his head fell beside yours and your legs wrapped around his waist pushing him closer to you.

“You feel so fucking good. I missed you so much, sweetheart, you have no fucking idea. I’m sorry I failed to bring you back. I broke our promise.”

“You’re safe with me, pretty girl, and I promise nothing is ever going to hurt you as long as I’m here.”

Clinging to him, your lips tenderly kiss the skin along his shoulder as Eddie’s pace hastens and his hips slam aggressively into your own. 

“It’s ok, baby. You did everything y-you could.” You tried to say that as confidently as you could but the truth of the matter was you just didn’t remember. These past couple of days, your brain had been sifting through two timelines and it felt like sometimes you were viewing someone else’s life. But they were hurting and you could feel the sincerity when they spoke. 

Your master told you he loved you and would protect you; that he would never lie to you. But when you asked him questions about your memories, he became angry.

“WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?! After everything I’ve done for you, Y/N. You let them get in your head didn’t you? Made you weak? I knew I should I have left you on the concrete.”

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey.”, Eddie cooed as he lifted on to his elbow to look you over when he heard you start to sniffle. “Are you ok? Am I hurting you?”

Shaking your head, you encourage him with your palms to keep moving. His lips gently press a kiss to your forehead and down to your cheek as finds his rhythm again.

“Just l-like that, sweetheart, fuck. Your cock is so deep, Eddie.”, you whisper in his ear. “I love you.” 

Your eyes roll back as the coil snaps and your nails drag almost painfully down his back but the metalhead doesn’t care as he chases his high, falling flat on top of you as he rolls his hips and releases his seed inside of you.

“Good boy, baby. It’s Steve’s turn now, ok?”

Lazily nodding, he rolled to away from you as the other boy grabbed your arm and pulled you his chest while he laid on his side. After lifting your leg and hooking his arm under your knee, you helped guide his length into your sensitive hole causing your back to arch off the bed as you moaned. 

“Mmm—Stevie, oh my God—you’re so big. Stretching me open, baby boy.”

“Fuck.”, he groaned as he steadily pumped his hips. “Look at me, honey, please. I n-need to see your face.” When you craned your neck to do what he asked, his palm grazed your forehead, moving your hair back so he could see everything with no obstruction. “I missed you, Y/N. F-Fucking—mmm—dreamed about you every night.”

You mewled as he pounded into you and his arms abruptly pulled your body tighter against him.

“I tried, Y/N. I prayed you would never see the monsters in this town. I tried to—mmph—shield you.”

“Steven! What aren’t you telling me!” The man’s head hangs as he sits in his bedroom after you and Eddie picked him up from the hospital after the mall caught fire. “Baby…look at your face. That’s not just from a fire. Someone hurt you… Please…”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”, he murmured under his breath. 

Reaching out with your fingers to move his hair, Steve winces as a tear falls from his wounded eye. 

"Try us.”

Your fingers thread through his as his rhythm picks up and his cock abuses that spongey spot inside of you. 

“I’m sorry, baby. W-We weren’t fast enough…”

“It’s not your fault. Make me cum, Steve, please.” Pushing up on his elbow, his eyes met yours as he did what you asked and your mouth fell open in a silent moan as he thrust into you harder. “I love you to.”

Lips crashed to yours as your body trembled and you came with him following as he warmed your insides.

Both men clung to you as the kissed along your sweaty skin, thankful that you were between them once again. 

################

Vecna sighs from his spot in his crumbling home those insignificant kids tried to burn down. Idiots. He was slowly getting stronger and soon they would feel his wrath. Until then he had to depend on you; a friend and girlfriend to the people he despised. You had proven useful these past few months but when you disappeared, he thought they had killed you and began moving forward with his plan without you. 

When you flew in with half your armor missing and blood dripping from your mouth…he was disappointed. 

“What took you so long? I thought you were dead.”

Your head tilted at his aloof tone as you fought the urge to cry.

“I’m sorry, Master. Eddie and Steve were much harder to dispatch than I thought.”

“Hm. Eddie and Steve, huh? I thought they were the freak and asshole. At least that what’s you called them.”

“I-I-I…”

“Fitting men who hurt you and left you to die.”

“Did they?”

You didn’t mean to say it out loud but you still stood up straighter when he turned to face you, his intimidating eyes taking you in as he stepped forward. 

“Are you questioning me?”

“No…N-No, sir. I just…I’ve been having these…flashes and—”

Vecna’s large hand across your face cut you off as he smacked you hard and you fell to the ground. He reprimanded you and you flew away to your “home” to rest so you could go back out when night fell again. You thought he didn’t know your secrets but he always did. This WHOLE WORLD was his home. 

He felt the wind of your wings when you descended to the apartment building you felt safe in for some reason. The vine that you moved out of the way as you opened the window to a “random” apartment and curled up on a dusty bed. The pin of the thumb tac you put in the wall to replace the generic frames that were there with a banner from the trailer you explored next to where you woke up. 

You didn’t know what “Corroded Coffin” was but for some reason the design gave you peace. After removing your armor, you would sift through your closet for clothes you lifted from that same trailer and another house a few miles down the way. Dozens of polo shirts and band tee’s that were much bigger than your tiny frame but they calmed you as soon as you put them on. 

You had hidden little Knick knacks in the drawer nearby hoping one day you’d get the courage to ask your master why they felt so important to you. There was a 20-sided die beside a book with notes about dragons and dungeons and hair gel that smelled familiar but you couldn’t pinpoint where. You had four metal rings that sometimes you put on your fingers as you slept feeling like someone was holding your hand in the dark when you did. In the house you found the polos in, there was a pair of sunglasses on the dresser that you ignored at first because there was no sun here but something in your stomach tugged at you to bring them with you. 

“Weak”, Vecna thought every single time. 

When morning came around and you didn’t come home again he shifted from disappointed to annoyed. Maybe he needed to do this particular task himself. He still wasn’t as strong as he was before but he had enough strength to take out two measly men. 

You would learn…one way or another…

****

You gasp as the strong feeling that woke you slowly recedes but are hit with the peak of sunlight that penetrates the through the crack in the shades causing you to hiss as you jump out of bed and push your back to a corner. 

“Whoa! Ok, baby. It’s ok!”, Steve calms as he hastily throws off the covers and runs to fully cover the part of the window that had sun coming through. 

Eddie slides down to his knees in front of you as his eyes look you over with concern. 

“What’s going on, Y/N? What happened?”

“We…we…we have to…I have to go… I have to…”

“Sweetheart, it’s noon. The sun will hurt you—”

“Ok, then you need to leave. Right now. RIGHT NOW!”

As you stand up and start to push forward, ring covered fingers keep you in place before you growl and the man lets you go holding his palms in the air.  

“Just talk to us, honey. What’s going on? Let us help you.”, Steve pleads as he takes his place at his friend’s side. 

“He’s coming for you because I failed.”

“Who?”

Your worried gaze shifts between them both as you sigh and shake your head, annoyed that they don’t already know. 

“Who’s coming for us, baby?”, Eddie asked again as he stepped towards you and carefully pushed some of your hair behind your ear. Closing your eyes, you turn your cheek into his palm and kiss the skin as you place your hand over the back of his own. 

“My master.”

###############

Tip/ Ko-Fi :)

@dashingdeb16 @nailbatanddungeon @hardladyheart @hiscrimsonangel @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @iheartmyguitars

[morganski-19]

Chills Right to the Marrow Part 58

ao3 link| part 1 . . . part 55, part 56, part 57

the first half takes place during part 35, the second half takes place after part 37,

“Did you get it?” Eddie asks as Steve closes the door behind him.

Steve nods, pulling a takeout bag out from under his jacket, placing it on the tray. He pulls out a burger and hands it to Eddie.

He can’t unwrap it fast enough. After weeks of eating nothing but hospital slop, all he wanted was a greasy burger. Something that drips down his wrists with flavor that’s so rich it could kill you. Eddie bites into it and has to hold back a moan.

“You must go there a lot, they knew it was you from the order.”

It’s not like he’s that creative, just the perfect amount of pain in the cook’s ass for them to know it’s him. Regular cheeseburger, hold the tomato, double the pickles, and an onion ring. If he’s feeling it, a little bit of hot sauce. Fries on the side and a medium coke.

“Nah,” Eddie says over a mouthful of food. “Just how memorable I am.”

Steve snorts, “I’m sure.” He unwraps his own burger and turns to the television. Watching the dumb soap operas that play twenty-four seven. It was their thing, watching them and yelling at the characters for making dumb decisions. Or that one instant where they were both upset when their favorite character died.

What Steve doesn’t know, is that Eddie doesn’t really watch the TV when he’s here. Because, when everything else in his life hurts, he takes these moments to let himself live a little. Taking the risk in the areas he can.

The best part of it all, is that even when Steve catches him, he never judges. Or assumes. Or anything. He just smiles when they lock eyes before turning away again. It’s like he doesn’t care that Eddie’s staring. He just lets it happen.

It’s reckless, what Eddie’s doing. It��s a path that’s going to lead to more pain. There’s no end that will lead to these stupid feelings going anywhere. Steve was straight, Eddie wasn’t. If Eddie’s lucky, Steve won’t care about that. But he can’t see this ending without Steve being uncomfortable. Who wouldn’t be in this situation.

Eddie just couldn’t stop. For these moments, he wasn’t trapped in a hospital bed. His legs were fully functional, and his arms didn’t shake when he lifted them. There wasn’t a burn that encircled his abdomen, marking each and every inch of healed skin. No nausea from the pain.

He was normal again. So if this road ended in heartbreak, Eddie would travel down it willingly. Just if it meant feeling something other than pain.

And sometimes, if he let himself believe it, when Steve locks eyes with him, it could be real.

“How’s your burger?”

Such a simple question, but it captivates him. Everything about Steve captivates him.

“Good. Thanks for getting it.”

He smiles. That sinful smile. “It’s no problem. I can’t imagine being holed up here for this long, I’d be begging for anything other than the shit they bring you.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “If I see oatmeal again, it will be too soon.”

“I don’t know,” Steve shrugs. “Make it right and it’s not so bad.”

“Would consider you much of a chef, there, Steve.” Eddie crumples up the empty wrapper and leans forward to put it in the bag. Ignoring the pain that shoots up his arms as his muscles stretch. The constant tremor of his hands as they move.

“Well when you live by yourself, you learn pretty fast that you need to learn how to make something other than frozen pizza.”

Something Eddie’s learned about Steve is that he just drops random facts about himself and plays them off as normal. When, in reality, they’re not. They’re a lot sadder than they should be.

Steve keeps surprising him with how sad he really is. Now that he sees it, it’s hard not to notice.

“Maybe you can make me something when me and Wayne move in.”

Because that was happening. He still can’t believe Wayne actually agreed to it, but he was glad he did. He deserved to stay someplace where he didn’t have to worry that much. Eddie’s put him through enough these past three months, he doesn’t need anything else weighing on him.

And if it meant he didn’t have to pop this little bubble that he lives in with Steve, well then who was he to argue.

“Maybe,” Steve smiles. God, that smile would make Eddie believe anything.

Even this.

Wayne stops by in the evening, passing Steve on his way out. The nurses bring in Eddie’s dinner tray, not knowing he’s going to ignore all of this. Now that his bills are being paid off, he can afford to let some things go to waste. Which is a crazy concept.

But he will eat the Jello. It’s the only thing on this plate that actually looks edible.

“How’s living in the mansion,” he asks Wayne. The disbelief that he will actually get to know what that is like still amazing him.

“Don’t think it’s officially a mansion,” Wayne downplays. He always does that. “It’s just a big house.”

A house bigger than Eddie’s ever dreamed of living in. “Same thing.”

“It’s fine,” he responds, watching as Eddie stabs the Jello with his fork.

“And living with Steve?”

He doesn’t know the answer he’s begging for, but he needs something. Something to prove to him that Steve is like this outside of this room. Outside of the chaos. That the person he’s falling for faster than he should is the person he thinks he is, and it wasn’t just some cruel façade.

“Also fine,” Wayne answers, a knowing lilt to his voice.

A breath of relief leaves Eddie’s lungs before he realizes it. Before he feels the weight of Wayne’s stare, and the knowingness behind it.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Eddie finally eats the Jello, the little bits he’s made falling off of the fork. Why they don’t give him a spoon, he doesn’t know.

“Because I know you, and I’ve seen this look before. Didn’t like it then and I don’t like it now.”

Then wasn’t like this. Then was back in high school when Eddie was stupidly optimistic about his romantic prowess. Now, he’s a little more realistic. Except every single time Steve walks through that door, there’s this bubbling hope that makes him want to throw up. That maybe, just maybe, he isn’t wrong about it this time. It terrifies him to think that it could be real.

Eddie clicks his tongue, trying to get the topic to change. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?”

“No, you don’t.” Eddie doesn’t mean to, but he slams the Jello down onto the tray. His arms never quite working in the way he needs them to. But it gets Wayne to shup up, to move on.

Because, as much as he hates to admit it, Wayne does know Eddie. He knows, and it’s too much to have another person know. It’s bad enough that he has feelings for Steve at all, it’s another thing to have someone know about it. Especially when he knows what Wayne is going to say.

Wayne has this thing where he likes to get stuck in the past. Look at people for what they’ve done and nothing else. Which isn’t bad, it’s something Eddie’s done too. But with Steve, he’s changed so much that Eddie’s afraid Wayne going to see the reputation he’s had before as the end all be all. That he’s going to get all protective and refuse to think that this could be a good thing.

Most of all, though, he’s afraid that saying the feelings out loud are going to make them real. Right now, it’s a fantasy to help him sleep at night. But as soon as someone knows, as soon as it gets out, it’s more. It’s real. Something Eddie has to deal with real consequences for.

He’s not ready for that. 

. . .

It’s one of those nights where Eddie can’t sleep. Not because he doesn’t want to, he’s practically begging to. But because the pain is just loud enough to still be painful. After weeks of living with it, it’s gotten better. Or more, Eddie’s gotten so used to it that he thinks it’s gotten better. But he hopes that it actually has.

Night like these, though, when the dull hum he’s gotten used to grows into a screaming storm that just won’t stop, he can’t sleep. His body is exhausted. His mind is tired, and his eyes droop closed. Yet, he still can’t sleep.

To make matters worse, he’s so damn thirsty. Which means he has to move.

Taking the blankets off him already makes him want to quit. Waves of pain shooting up his arm, making his muscles tense. Still sore from the physical therapy appointment he had yesterday. He lets it fall back on the bed and takes a few deep breaths. Then, he sits up.

Fire spreads through his body, burning. Making his skin hot, and his brain scream out to lay back down.

Still, this wasn’t as bad as it could be.

He grabs his crutches and uses them as leverage to stand. His legs joining the fire as he starts to walk out of the room. Each step feels like knives, but not he’s stepping on them. Like there is a cage around each of his legs filled with needles, and every step forces them to break skin.

Most days, he can get through it. Tonight, it’s enough to make him fall to the floor and give up.

But maybe the universe decides to give him some form of relief, because when he gets to the kitchen, Steve’s there. Sitting in the dull light of the kitchen, eating.

He hears Eddie coming and turns to look at him. “Hey.”

Eddie hasn’t seen Steve in three days. Not since the morning after he moved in. Then, it looked like Steve was hit by a bus. Face drained and tired, barely able to stand. He looks just slightly better than that. Like the bus didn’t manage to kill him.

“Hey.” It comes out pained. He sets his crutches against the side of the island and sits down. Needing a minute to catch his breath.

Steve’s face fills with a concern he’d rather not see. “You ok?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he explains. “Came out here to get some water, but need a breather.”

He nods, that concern morphing into a state of understanding. Out of everyone, Steve is the one who can understand this the most. He never will completely understand it, but it’s just enough where he knows pity won’t change anything. It’s something Eddie’s grateful for. Sitting here, with Steve, he doesn’t need to mask it, doesn’t need to dull it on the outside for the betterment of whoever’s seeing it. He can sit here and feel it, instead of trying to make everyone else around him feel better about it.

“Want me to get you some?” Steve asks, nothing but consideration in his voice.

Eddie nods. His legs already dreading getting up again. “Please.”

Silently, Steve gets up and grabs a glass from the cabinet. For someone with such a big reputation, most things Steve does are silent. When he’s moving around in a place he doesn’t have to hide, the rawness that lies beneath the surface shines. Eddie likes seeing this side of Steve.

Eddie thanks Steve when the water is placed in front of him. Takes a deep breath to gather himself for the pain that sparks when he lifts it to drink. “How’s your head,” Eddie asks. Generally curious, but also wanting distraction.

“Liks someone keeps stabbing it, but with a smaller knife this time. At least I can eat something now.”

“That is an improvement.” Eddie winces when he puts the glass down, the pain really giving him no breaks.

“Bad night?”

Eddie laughs. “You have no idea. Hasn’t been this bad since I woke up. You weren’t kidding about the scars.”

If the pain itself wasn’t enough, his scars sting. He can feel every place those fuckers bit into his skin. Feel the stretch of regrown skin pull with each movement. An itch so deep that it makes him want to claw the skin right off again.

“Yeah, I’d say it gets better, but I still wake up from it sometimes.”

“It gets better, it doesn’t get better, which is it? You all keep telling me things and I’m not sure which to believe anymore.”

Steve sighs. “Probably because we don’t even know what to believe. It’ve been doing this shit for four years, and each one gets worse. And there are days where I get and I feel normal, think it might be the end of everything. Then I get a nightmare that gets me reaching for the bat under my bed and I get so scared of a shadow I almost break a hole in my wall. Better starts feeling like a word you don’t know the definition of anymore.”

He turns to look at Eddie. His face reeks of tiredness and lingering pain. Like half the soul inside was sucked away, leaving this. It’s so vulnerable, Eddie finds cruel comfort in it. The kind that rots in his core, because how could he be comforted by another’s pain. Yet, to know he isn’t alone is a feeling he can’t explain.

“I started making small goals for myself,” Eddie starts. “At first it was walking to the bathroom by myself. Then standing for longer periods of time. Do one extra rep for this exercise. Just to prove that something is changing, that there’s the possibility that I could get better. Some days I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.”

“Better doesn’t mean perfect. Robin said that to me a while ago. It didn’t really help then, I had just started getting my really bad migraines and I—I thought that I’d spend the rest of my life suffering. And the medications help, but not entirely. But I am still better than I was a year ago. Doesn’t mean I’ll ever reach perfection, but I’ll take better.”

Eddie lets that thought roll around in his mind for a moment. The words themselves seep compassion, but he can’t help but feel the wrongness of it all. The desperate claw to get back to where he was. To touch that guitar that’s sitting in the corner of his room and actually be able to play it again.

Progress, healing, everything after this has taken time. Eddie hates it. He’s so used to jumping from thing to thing, learning a new song to drawing up a new campaign. Finding joy in the things that he loves is becoming work that will make him resent it. It was easy for him once, he doesn’t know how to make it easy again.

“I know it’s hard,” Steve continues. He looks at Eddie again. The trust Eddie holds in this gaze should be criminal. “I know I’ll never know your pain. All I can tell you is that it does get better, however that looks for you. And don’t let yourself get dragged down when it doesn’t get better immediately, it’ll only make things worse.”

“Wow, when did Steve Harrington get so wise?” Eddie jokes. It feels wrong on his tongue, but it’s all he can do instead of crying.

Steve snorts. A soft smile forming on his lips. “Years of practice.”

Is it cruel to think that Eddie could kiss him right now? That, now that he’s thinking about it, they’re sitting so close to each other it would be so easy. It could be the easiest thing Eddie’s done in weeks, just lean a few inches and know what’s it like to kiss someone without the fear of getting caught. To know what it’s like to kiss Steve.

For a second, Steve blinks, his eyes glancing down and back up again. He could do it, right now. But he doesn’t.

Because Eddie is a coward, and a shameful one at that.

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[helpimstuckposting]

Okay this ones a bit sillier, I'm just a hostage writing their banter into existence. There is no stranger things without silly banter, and I am just a mere mortal passing the message, bound by the laws of this world. Still sad tho, can't forget that.

I’m a ghost and you are a shadow

Part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven

—

From his huddle on the floor, Steve felt more hands on his shoulders and his back, felt more arms wrap so tightly around him and he’d never felt more secure in his life. His cheeks hurt and the muscles in his neck pulled uncomfortably around the lump in his throat, his clothes were days old and covered in dirt from the woods outside, and he had no idea what was going on but his arms were full of Robin and he could feel Dustin clinging to his side, and Nancy carding her fingers through his hair. El and Max were crying, everyone was crying, but Steve couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this happy.

He was so scared, so scared, that when he let go it would all be gone. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it, this time.

He felt Nancy step back, the warmth from just above his shoulder gone and he panicked, tearing his damp eyes away from the crook of Robin’s neck to look up. She was still there, smiling with tears in her eyes and she looked so young all of a sudden, Steve could imagine her face aglow with the rainbow lights of the Upside Down Lite Brite, excitement in her eyes like a child waking up on Christmas to find everything she ever hoped for under the tree.

“I’m gonna get the first aid kit,” she whispered, shuffling into the hallway. Always the responsible one.

Robin and the kids finally pulled away, helping him to his feet, and they hadn’t disappeared. A weight in his chest lifted slightly, the unsurety of it all still pressing down but one piece had been relieved. They weren’t going to disappear on him.

They made their way from the kitchen into the livingroom, sitting Steve down on the once pristine white couch. It was now a dull eggshell, years of wear sinking the cushions in and making it more comfortable than he ever remembered. His parents would flip if they saw it. Not that he ever wanted them to come back.

Nancy entered the room with a small white tackle box, sitting down opposite Steve and Robin on the coffee table in front of them. He glanced to his side and noticed a smudge of blood on Robin’s cheek, the one she’d had pressed into his neck. She didn’t have a cut on her face and for a brief moment he wondered where the blood came from until Nancy pressed a wet cotton ball into Steve’s neck. He remembered the knife Eddie had held to his throat, the sharp movement he made when the party burst through the door earlier. The blade must have sliced him and he hadn’t even noticed.

The party was quiet as Nancy patched him up. For some reason, Eddie was nowhere to be seen. He seemed like the most suspicious out of everyone and Steve couldn’t figure out why, but right now there were clearly more pressing matters at hand.

Steve looked around the room at the faces he never thought he’d see again, in the house that was definitely different than his own in the slightest of ways, but more lived in, more comfortable. Full of pictures he’d never taken, but he was clearly present for somehow.

“What…,” he started to ask, throat scratchy, not really sure how to begin. Nancy put away the gauze and tape, closing the tackle box with a quiet click. Everything from the morning flicked through Steves mind and though most of it was hazy, he tried his best to piece it all together. This clearly wasn’t a dream, and it didn’t seem anything like Max had described Vecna’s mind powers to be.

“What’s the date?” He finally asked.

Dustin squinted at him. Okay, maybe Eddie wasn’t the only suspicious one. “It’s May 8th, 1990,” he replied, “It’s been six months since you died.”

Died. There it was again. But the date was correct, Steve remembered that much.

“Listen. I know this sounds… crazy, but-,”

“Crazier than a girl with superpowers and a hell dimension?” Dustin cut in. Steve blinked up at him. He hated when he was at a lower eye level than the kid, made him feel smaller like somehow Dustin was the adult in the situation. The tone didn’t help either. Steve missed it so much.

“Okay, fair.” He started again, trying to gain his bearings and make sense of the situation, put it into words that they’d understand. “You keep saying I died, but for me… I remember you guys dying.” He glanced at them all again. They were watching him with varying levels of confusion, Nancy’s lips were pursed and Max’s were, too, in a similar way.

“The last time we fought Vecna, a few of us barely made it out alive. It’s been… it’s been years since I last saw you guys.”

They were quiet. He watched as they flicked their eyes back and forth between each other. He felt like an outsider once more, like they were speaking a language he didn’t quite know yet, like he was back in the Byer’s living room while Jonathan and Nancy tried to get him to leave. Before everything fell apart.

“All of us?” Max finally spoke, asking the question they were clearly communicating between all of them.

“Not… not all of you. But, Will and El… Dustin, Max… Robbie,” he looked at all of them as he said their names. “The rest of the kids moved away with their families, Eddie left when Wayne died. I’ve been..,” he paused for a breath. They were all still so quiet, letting him finish, though he took a bit to stumble through the words, “I’ve been alone for years. The Hawkins I know is a ghost town and I have no idea how I got here.”

No one really spoke, they just kept looking at each other. Steve glanced back between each of them, feeling like he was failing some sort of test he never studied for. He always hated silence, lived with it so long it became loud and overbearing. He didn’t want it to be so quiet when he was surrounded by people.

“I don’t think I’m your Steve,” he finished, just for one more thing to say, one more break in the quiet.

“Parallel universes,” Dustin muttered to himself. He seemed almost… excited? Like there was a new code he cracked or a gadget he could take apart.

Nancy and Max just squinted at him, the former glancing back to Steve out of the corner of her eye, assessing. She always stayed quiet until she’d figured out the next move, calculated all the variables in her head before saying them out loud. Dustin seemed impatient, rolling his eyes to the heavens and back down again.

“Like The Dark Tower?” he tried, groaning when met with more silence. “Stephen King?” Steve briefly wondered if Dustin ever got tired of acting like he knew more than everyone in the room. The kid needed a reality check in Steve’s opinion, but unfortunately for him, Dustin usually did know more than Steve.

“You know how The Upside Down is like a copy of Hawkins?” Dustin tried again, and the crew nodded back. “Well that’s like our world folded over on itself, it’s an extension and not a separate entity.” He held his hands like two Cs, miming a piece of paper being folded in on itself. “But a parallel universe is like a completely separate world.”

Dustin suddenly clapped his hands together. Steve flinched at the sharp noise, but Dustin didn't seem to notice, separating his hands by just a centimeter and keeping them held out in front of him. “It’s an alternate dimension that runs parallel to ours, with just slight differences leading to separate outcomes.”

“Like Narnia?” Steve asked. Robin let out a soft ‘ohhhh’ and pointed at him. Dustin groaned and his whole body seemed to sag in a parental-like disappointment.

“No, Steve, not like Narnia!”

“I don’t know, it sounds kind of like Narnia,” Robin said.

“Yeah, Narnia was a separate world,” Steve nodded at her.

“Enough about Narnia! It’s not like Narnia!”

“Seems like Narnia,” Robin muttered, but Dustin ignored her and powered through, though El was giggling to herself and that seemed like a win in Steve's book.

“Narnia is an alternate universe that’s completely different than ours. I’m talking about the same world with the same people, but certain decisions cause a split that leaves the world slightly different than the next one. We’re all fundamentally the same, but some of our experiences might be different! For instance, our fights with Vecna turned out different results. Okay? Do you get it now?”

Max rolled her eyes “Don’t have a conniption, you’re not the only person in the room with brain cells, you know.”

"Okay, let's just..," Nancy began, holding her hands up placatingly, "Let's take a breath and pretend Dustin is right, that this is some kind of parallel universe."

"I am right," Dustin muttered to himself, though no one paid him any attention, all eyes focused now on Nancy.

“If Steve is from a parallel universe, then… how did he get here?” she asked. Eyes turned from Nancy to Steve again, and Steve did his best not to cower under the microscope. Carol had taught him to hide his emotions, keep calm and collected, ‘people will respect you more, Steve, just look like you don’t care’. He stared back at them.

“I just… I remember waking up in the woods-,”

“What were you doing in the woods?” Max interjected.

“I… it doesn’t matter. I took a nap and woke up in the backyard, that’s it,” he lied. He didn’t want to delve into his traumas now. Though these people looked like his family, they hadn’t gone through the same thing he did. They didn’t know him the way they should. He could tell them later, if he needed to, but not right now. Robin still looked at him like she knew, though, still seemed to be able to read his mind, ‘I’ve got two brain cells, Stevie, and one of them is yours.’

He sighed as the crew all looked at each other again, resigned to remaining on the outside of this team that wore faces he’d longed to see again. He wasn’t their Steve, and they weren’t his family. They had codes all their own, glances that meant something he couldn’t translate, memories he wasn’t a part of. Steve Harrington was always meant to be alone.

“Wait,” Robin broke the silence. Steve watched as he could see the gears turning in her head, it reminded him of the look she got seconds before cracking the Russian code at Starcourt. “Wasn’t there a gate near your backyard already? From Barb?”

Steve blinked at her. Parallel universe or not, it seemed some events stayed the same.

Nancy filled in Robin’s train of thought, bouncing to the next. “Like you somehow came from the old gate?”

“Did you know that keeping scars healed is a continuous process?” Robin’s train of thought bounced again, seemingly out of nowhere. “The body needs to constantly focus attention on keeping the old wounds healed, it’s called collagen synthesis, which requires vitamin C. So, if you get scurvy the body can no longer maintain the process and your scars can reopen. Bones that have been healed for like twenty years can actually shatter again, too, it’s pretty creepy when you really think about it, like we’re never really fully healed even after decades and-,”

“Robin,” Steve cut in. “Are you suggesting the universe has… scurvy?”

“No? Well… I mean, I guess. I just mean, what if closing the gates wasn’t just a one-and-done thing?”

Nancy seesawed her head back and forth, “Like, what was holding them together is no longer working?” she added. Robin nodded, holding her palms up like Vanna White, presenting Nancy’s contribution to the room.

“Isn’t that kind of a stretch?” Dustin asked.

“We could check the gates,” Max said, “See if they’re still closed?”

El nodded, sitting up a bit straighter, “I can feel them out, see if anything has changed.”

They all worked so well together. Steve had forgotten how easily they came up with plans, the pounding of his heart against his chest as adrenaline raced through his body, sharpening his mind. It all felt so quick, so practiced, no time for dilly-dallying, no time for uncertainty. But… if they found out the gates had opened again, what then? Would he need to go back to his world in order to close them? He looked at each party member one by one, took in their enthusiasm at creating a new plan, at figuring out a puzzle placed in front of them. What if he didn’t want to go back? What was there to even go back to?

“Maybe-,” Steve cut through their chattering voices, and they paused to focus on him. “Maybe we should just check the backyard first. See if that gate is open, and then we can worry about the rest. We should also probably tell the rest of the party, they don’t know any of this has happened yet.” And maybe that could buy him some time.

Just… just a couple more days, a couple more hours at the very least. They weren’t his family, but they were closer than he’d ever thought he’d have again. He wasn’t quite ready to give them up just yet.

“Right,” Robin said, placing her hand gently on Steve’s arm. He wondered how desperately she had craved her own Steve’s touch, if she had sat awake at night feeling like half of herself was missing, ‘two brain cells, Stevie, and one of them is yours.’

She squeezed his arm, and he already knew the answer. She was still Robbie.

“We should call your mom,” Nancy nodded.

“My what?”

—

It’s the little things 👀 expect the unexpected, Stevie

@weirdandabsurd42 @sirsnacksalot @space-invading-pigeon @aliea82 @goodolefashionedloverboi @emly03

[temptingfatetakingnames]

The Last Steve Harrington Part 2

AO3 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Steve came back to consciousness slowly, everything felt fuzzy and dreamlike. The sun was shining in the window and he was lying in a comfortable bed. Caution was ringing in the back of his head but he couldn’t remember why. He hadn’t dreamed. No nightmares. That was wrong, wasn’t it?

“Why am I here?” a familiar voice asked from the hall.

“He kept asking about you,” someone else whispered.

He looked down at his hands, flexed them. An I.V. was stuck in the back of his left hand and he brought it up to his face. His hands were clean. Even the dirt under his fingernails was gone. He took a deep breath and licked his lips. God, he was thirsty. What the fuck happened? Didn’t he die? This didn’t feel like death. He liked the other one better – the one where the kids –

The kids!

He sat up quickly and someone rushed to his side.

Joyce.

A gentle hand pushed his chest into the bed.

“Lay down, Steve,” she said quietly.

“Thirsty,” he said.

Joyce smiled and brought a cup of water with a straw up to his lips. He sipped and swallowed slowly.

“What do you remember?” she asked.

“I died,” he said it like a question. It didn’t seem right but it was the only thing that made sense.

“No, sweetie. You didn’t.”

Steve closed his eyes and drifted for a moment. The window was open and a breeze fluttered the curtains. He had left Hawkins but found a portal. The kids were on the other side. What had Dustin called it?

“Parallel universes,” he whispered to himself and Joyce hummed affirmatively.

“I’m glad El found you, Steve.”

Just then Dustin and Eddie walked into the room. Steve couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t dead which meant that Eddie wasn’t dead either. Fuck. He felt his eyes well up with tears. He looked good. Healthy, if a little confused.

“Eds,” he gasped out.

“Eds?”

“Is that not what I call you here?” Steve asked hesitantly.

“Uh no, strictly last name basis since the whole Vecna thing made us sorta friends?” Eddie replied and Steve’s heart sank.

No. That was wrong. He and Eddie had been inseparable since they were forced to work together at Scoops Ahoy. They had cracked the Russian code and infiltrated the base with Dustin and Erica. When they had been on truth serum, they had come out to each other. Eddie had been so afraid of what Steve’s reaction would be when he told him he was gay. The look on his face when Steve told him he was bisexual was priceless. They had danced around each other for months after that, trauma bonded best friends afraid to ruin what they had by trying for something more. At least on Steve’s end. But Eddie had been braver. Had blurted out his feelings one night after they had finished watching a movie.

Steve fiddled with the guitar pick necklace tucked under his shirt. Eddie noticed where his fingers had gone and stilled at the sight. He pulled his own necklace out of his shirt and stared at it before looking back at Steve with a question in his eyes. Steve didn’t know what to say, how to navigate a parallel universe where the man he loved had just met him before he died.

Steve had begged Vecna to kill him. At the end. With his friends lying dead around him. The last thing Vecna said to him before he took his army and left would haunt Steve forever.

“Your living suffering is sweeter to me than any death I could grant you.”

Even in this new universe, Vecna’s words rang true.

---

Other Steve Harrington was listed as a missing person and had been since the final battle with Vecna. His parents told the police that he had probably skipped town and they weren’t interested in trying to find him. That tracked with something his own parents would have done. With no body or crime scene there was no reason to suspect foul play and a missing person he had remained. Lucky for him, Steve supposed. It would be a lot easier to come back from being missing than being dead. Still, too much to ask for that in this universe he would have loving parents who gave a shit about him. Though… easier, too. He wouldn’t be able to fool loving parents into believing he was their son.

Hopper had given him Other Steve’s wallet and he went through it hoping to find some answers into his life here. Looking at his driver’s license was… strange. The card itself was the same; same address, same license number even… but the picture struck Steve with its otherness. Their faces were the same at first glance, but the smile and eyes – they weren’t his – and it sent shivers down his spine.

Here was a person who had lived a parallel life to his own. But Steve didn’t know how parallel. Did they have the same best friend growing up? Who was his first girlfriend? Boyfriend? Who was he? Steve didn’t know… and he was somehow supposed to just slot himself into his life? Take it over? He knew one fundamental difference between them so far – he was a coward and Other Steve wasn’t. How much that would change everything else, Steve didn’t know.

He kept going through the wallet. There were credit cards and bank cards that were probably useless, a membership card to Family Video, and some cash. Nothing to really go off. As Steve fiddled with the wallet, he found a pocket that held a strip of photos from a photobooth. It started with him and Robin smiling at the camera. The second picture had Dustin crashing into the booth and the third picture had all the kids struggling to get their faces into the frame. They were laughing and smiling chaotically. The back of his throat tightened and he shoved the photo back into the wallet before tossing it onto the table beside him.

He had been in the hospital for a few days, resting and regaining his strength. He had collapsed due to severe exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition. Joyce and Hopper had managed to keep the kids away but it was only a matter of time before he would have to face them again. He was surprised they hadn’t managed to sneak in already. Joyce kept trying to talk to him, asking questions about himself and his universe but Steve had been silent. He wasn’t used to talking to people and didn’t feel like answering her questions. He knew she meant well but most of the answers weren’t something she would want to hear. They died. We lost. I’ve been alone. He also wasn’t used to her treating him so gently. He hadn’t interacted with his Joyce much and then her and Hopper had died somewhere in Russia.

Loud footsteps echoed in the hall.

“We want to see him, it’s been days!” He heard Dustin yell through the closed door.

“He’s been resting, Dustin. You have no idea what he’s been through,” Joyce replied.

Neither do you, Steve thought.

“Will you ask him if we can visit? Please?” Will asked, always the voice of reason.

The door cracked open and Joyce slid in. She saw that he was awake and had heard what Will wanted. “They’re worried and would like to see you,” she said quietly so they wouldn’t hear.

Steve fiddled with his I.V., unsure.

“You don’t have to, Steve,” she said, sensing his hesitation. She walked over and tried to take his hand but he flinched away.

He swallowed and rasped, “let them in.” He needed to talk to them, but they weren’t going to like what he had to say.

They entered more quietly and respectfully than Steve was expecting. There weren’t enough chairs for them all. Dustin claimed the one right next to his bed and Mike pulled the other one from across the room. El and Max climbed onto the end of his bed, careful not to sit on his legs. Will and Lucas stood behind Dustin and Mike’s chairs.

They all looked at him expectantly. He held his hands together in his lap to keep them from shaking. Looking into their familiar faces was heartbreaking. They weren’t his kids; they weren’t the ones he had failed to protect but he still felt like he owed them an apology anyway.

“We are sorry,” Eleven said, surprising him.

“We shouldn’t have sprung everything on you like that,” Dustin continued. “We were just so excited to see you.”

Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I want you to send me back,” he said.

They were silent for a moment before they started shouting at him.

“Why should you get me?” he asked loudly over them.

They stopped yelling and stared at him.

“What do you mean?” Will questioned; his brow furrowed.

“If I’m really the only Steve left, why should your universe get to keep me? What about all the others who lost their Steve? They just have to live without him? Seems like fate or destiny or whatever is saying that no one should have me.”

“Their Elevens are probably looking, but we found you first,” Dustin said with finality. As if that would be the end of the conversation.

“What about your Steve? I’m supposed to replace him? Take his life like he never existed?”

“We’ll never forget our Steve. We’d like to tell you about him when you’re ready. We don’t want you to replace him, we know that you’re different people. But you’re still Steve in every way that matters. And we still need you,” Max answered looking him square in the eye, daring him to contradict her.

“How do you know?” Steve asked.

“Know what? That we need you?” Dustin looked at him like that was the stupidest question he could have asked.

Steve shook his head. “How do you know I’m ‘Steve’in the ways that matter? You don’t know me. I could be a bad person. I could have been working with Vecna for all you know. Clearly, I’m not like literally all the other Steve’s in existence. Maybe the whole point is that no Steve should have survived and I’m just an anomaly that needs to be put out of his fucking misery. Preferably in his own universe so he can go to whatever afterlife with his fucking family.”

They were quiet after that. He heard Will sniff back tears and his heart clenched tightly in his chest.

“When we finally found you of course we questioned whether or not it was right to bring you here. Our Steve died. We loved him. He was our friend – our family. We owe him everything! So, if you think for one second we were going to leave you there when we found out you were alone then you’re an idiot!” Dustin stood up and yelled.

“Bringing you here. Saving you. It feels like saving a piece of him, too. We are not letting you go. You are Steve Harrington…which means you belong with us,” Eleven said softly.

Dustin sat back down and reached out to place his hand gently on top of Steve’s. He looked down at their hands and then up at Dustin, who smiled hesitantly at him. He couldn’t smile back or take his hand, but he didn’t pull away either. That was all he had to give right now.  

He looked away again, jaw tense and eyes tight. The kids stayed and he eventually drifted off, still feeling Dustin’s warm hand on his.

---

Not a single part of the plan had gone their way and Steve didn’t know what to do. Eleven was down. She had lost consciousness and blood was trickling steadily out of her nose. She had been fighting Vecna and had started thrashing before she went still. Mike was screaming and shaking her. Robin, Nancy, and Jonathon were still throwing Molotov’s at The Mind Flayer but they were quickly running out. He couldn’t see Eddie and Dustin through the swam of bats separating them. There were too many places he needed to be, too many people he needed to protect. Steve froze. He didn’t know what to do.

Steve woke with a start, heart pounding and breath ragged. It was dark in the hospital room but there was enough light from the open window to see Eddie sitting in the chair beside him. He looked as good as he had the day before. Torn black jeans, a faded Metallica shirt and his hair was a messy tangle around his face. It was beautiful and painful to see him in the light of the moon, familiar and foreign in equal measure.

Blood dribbled out of the sides of his mouth; he was trying to speak even though he could barely breathe. His brown eyes were wide with pain, and Steve held him to his chest – 

Steve blinked away the memory and shook his head to clear it.

“Why are you here?” he asked Eddie.  

Eddie didn’t answer, just fiddled with his necklace. He noticed Steve’s eyes on it.  

“It means a lot to me,” he said.

“I know,” Steve said and Eddie made a ‘go for it’ gesture. Hands open wide and eyebrow quirked.

“Wayne gave it to you.” Steve paused and cleared his throat. “Gave it to my Eddie. It was after his parents dropped him off and left. Eds wouldn’t talk to him, no matter what he tried. So, he started playing his guitar… and it drew you–” Steve stopped and growled in frustration. “Drew him out. Wayne started teaching him and when he could play all the scales, he gave him his guitar. He handed him the pick and said, ‘You’re mine now and I’m never leaving you. That’s a promise.’”

Eddie was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Well?” Steve demanded. “Is it the same?”

“No,” Eddie replied and Steve knew he wasn’t going to tell him why his necklace was important to him, because he hadn’t earned it. Steve felt another piece of his heart break. This Eddie didn’t know him. Didn’t trust him. He had no relationship with this Eddie, even though he shared a face with the person Steve had loved most in the world.

“Dustin said you want to go back.” Eddie leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

“I do.” It wasn’t a question but Steve answered anyway.

“Losing Steve really messed Dustin up, more so than the others. They all took it hard, but Dustin? He didn’t speak for weeks, barely ate. Steve was his brother and he died in his arms; did you know that?”

Steve shook his head slowly.   

“When El told him about the parallel universes she had found it was the first time Dustin acted like himself since Steve died. But she couldn’t find one of you who bastards who didn’t fucking die saving someone else. And every time, it was like Dustin lost him all over again.”

Steve felt for Dustin, he really did. But their Steve had died saving the world. His death had meaning and purpose. The kids should be proud of that and move on. Steve didn’t have anything to ease his conscious or heartache. He had lost everything, and there was no meaning to it and only Steve left alive to remember.

Eddie was talking to him like he didn’t know grief, like he didn’t know what it felt like to lose a brother, and it really pissed him off. The anger Steve felt was delicious in its righteousness. Eddie thought he knew loss? Thought Dustin knew loss? What they felt was nothing but a spring breeze compared to the tornado that was Steve’s torment. He had lost everyone.

“I don’t know you and I don’t trust you,” Eddie said, echoing Steve’s earlier thoughts, “but you better not hurt those kids any more than you already have. I can appreciate that this is hard for you, but you do not take it out on them. Understood?”

Oh, he could appreciate that this was hard for him? Steve was done. He had Eddie’s face but he wasn’t Eds.

“How about fuck you, Munson,” Steve spit out.

Eddie leaned back in his chair, shocked by the vitriol of Steve’s reply.

He recovered quickly and sneered. “Well look at King fucking Steve, back again and not caring about anyone but himself.”

“Who the fuck is King Steve?”

Eddie blinked at him, clearly at a loss. Steve glared back.

“What about Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington?” Eddie asked and Steve couldn’t help the snort that escaped his lips.

“That’s a stupid nickname.”

Eddie looked even more confused now.

“What were you like in high school?”

It was Steve’s turn to blink at Eddie, anger fizzling somewhat at the out of nowhere questions.

“Why would I answer you? Don’t let the door hit you on your way out,” he said and jerked his head towards the door.

Eddie’s eyes were deep brown pools as he looked intently at Steve, analyzing him, searching for something. Steve didn’t back down and held his gaze. He didn’t know what Eddie saw, but his eyes softened, just a little, before he turned and left the room. As soon as he was gone, the rest of Steve’s anger abandoned him and he dropped his head back against the pillows.

What the fuck was he doing?

Steve's eyes burned and he finally let out the tears that had been threatening to fall since he woke up in the hospital. He held his hands up to his mouth as his sobs broke free and brought his knees up to his chest, letting himself curl into his grief.

Part 3

[barbedwirepens]

Fake (A Love Letter To Professional Wrestling)

I have been wanting to write something like this for ages. Professional wrestling has been such a big part of my life and I just wanted to write something to capture it.

“There are times where I watch wrestling and I don’t understand how everyone doesn’t love it. And then there’s other times where I watch wrestling and I don’t know how anyone likes it.”

-Chuck Taylor 

I was introduced to the crazy world of professional wrestling at a young age. Most of my earliest memories are dominated by it. I’m four years old watching money with JBL’s face on it rain down from the ceiling with my dad. Rey Mysterio soared across my television screen like a real-life superhero. I have pictures of me dressed in a one-piece bathing suit with one of the straps pulled down because I wanted to be just like The Big Show. 

And then I’m four and a half years old learning about death for the first time. In November 2005, my absolute favorite wrestler, Eddie Guerrero, had died in his Minneapolis hotel room. I remember sitting cross-legged on the floor looking up at my TV as the tribute episodes aired. 

Professional wrestling can be anything to anyone- as it had been to me growing up. There is so much to love and admire about it. 

Those men and women put their lives and bodies on the line whenever they step through those ropes. They spend countless hours on planes, missing holidays, birthdays, and other family events. 

All of that for us. 

And that’s not even mentioning the different styles of wrestling that they bring to the table. 

Do you want to see aerial acrobatics and moves that you’ve never thought possible? Then you can look at lucha libre and the likes of Rey Mysterio, Bandito, El Hijo del Vikingo, and Juventud Guerra. 

Wrestlers like Bryan Danielson and Bret Hart bring more technicality to their matches. They will put their opponents in holds that you are sure will break their bones. 

There’s also such a variety of gimmicks and body types in this sport. 

And despite what many may say- 

They all deserve to be celebrated. 

You can watch men like Orange Cassidy and Eddie Guerrero battle beasts like Big Bill and Brock Lesnar. Both of those examples are quite literally David vs. Goliath scenarios. And let’s just say that I am always a sucker for those matches. It is always satisfying to see the underdog come out on top. 

So far, I have discussed the wrestlers that put on the matches we see- not the stories they bring to life. 

One of my favorite (and perhaps my all-time favorite) storylines is the saga that occurred between Kenny Omega, The Young Bucks, and ‘Hangman’ Adam Page. 

When I discovered that storyline, I was on the verge of quitting watching wrestling altogether. I just wasn’t interested in it anymore and it was no longer fun to tune in. 

That story single handedly pulled me back in. 

I had never seen something like that before. In a sport where the men and women have to act tough all the time- I had never seen a story where they were allowed to be vulnerable. 

Hangman had literally hit rock bottom.

He lost his friends, tag title, and was hiding away from anyone that dared to get close to him. And what made it more compelling was the fact that he wasn’t blameless, either. 

Hangman held Nick’s leg and cost them a shot at the tag titles. Which resulted in him getting kicked out of The Elite. 

But Kenny and The Bucks returned their betrayal and hurt in kind. 

And the culmination of it all with Hangman defeating Kenny for the men’s world championship was the absolute cherry on top. There was all the potential in the world. 

(Which got squashed by the way- but that’s a story for another day.) 

For my entire life, I heard that professional wrestling was fake. It was something that I always hated. 

However, professional wrestling is anything but. 

The injuries are never fake.

And the escapism that it provides isn’t fake, either. 

It’s always there when you have had a bad day. 

It’s there when you have nothing and no one else. 

On that note, I would like to leave you all with a quote from the late, great Windham Rotunda. Who, I believe, encapsulates everything about professional wrestling so well: 

“Wrestling is not a love story- it’s much more. It’s hope. And in a world surrounded in hate, greed, and violence- a world where closure may never come… We all know a place that has hot and cold hope on tap.” 

[somethingvicked]

True love of mine part 12

warnings: female reader, angry fans, harrassment, angst, fluff, Eddie being a sweetheart

Chapter 11.

Now

Y/N

The next day was a work day for you, but you had stayed with Eddie for the night. It felt like you couldn’t be without him more than necessary after being apart for so many years.

He had held you close, seemingly not wanting to let you go this morning and you knew exactly how he felt. “I… I can come pick you up after work,” he suggested. “I’ll take a car, be more subtle.”

You frowned. “Why? Are you… you bothered by being seen with me?”

Eddie gave you a look. “You should know me better than that, Y/N. No, I just don’t want it to get out just yet… you don’t know… being famous like I am has its downsides too. Among them that my privacy is invaded constantly. As soon as I’m seen with a woman, regardless if it’s someone I work with or my hairdresser, the gossip tabloids wonder whether I’m screwing her or dating her, or both. While my fans… well, while they love me they hate anyone that might get too close to me and ruin the dream they have that they will some day be that person.”

You nodded, seeing the point he tried to make.

“Alright, I suppose that makes sense. But… we won’t have to hide this forever, do we?”

Eddie shook his head. “No, of course not. I don’t want us to hide it at all. Just that we are a bit discreet in the beginning. I lost you for so many years, I’m not ready to share you with the whole world yet.”

You laughed. “I feel like I already am sharing you with the world. But yes. This – us… we’ll stay at it just being ‘us’ for a little while longer, enjoy it.”

You took your coat and then frowned. “By the way, Eddie… what are we now?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at you. “Nothing has changed for me, kitten. I think ‘dating’ isn’t enough of a word for what we are. But let’s just say we’re in a relationship for now. Until...”

Eddie quieted then and your heart skipped a beat. But you didn’t want to force it out of him.

“That’s good. For now,” you said and saw his head snap up, kind of like your reaction earlier, his eyes lightning up.

“For now,” he repeated and then hugged you again before you stepped outside.

You had barely stepped outside though when there was a message from one of your co-workers, telling you to check out the latest article among the gossip pages.

You gasped as you did. There were photos of you and Eddie outside the club he had played at the other night, and you getting on his motorcycle. The headline read “Munson’s mystery ‘true love’?”

Somehow they had dug up all the information about you, where you worked, where you lived, even your Instagram account – although that was private so they hadn’t been able to tag you.

It didn’t stop there, though. There were more than a hundred comments, most of them from other women or young girls:

“Who’s she?”

“She’s ugly.”

“What?! How dare she take my man!”

“Eddie deserves so much better!”

“She’s old! Why would he want her when he can have someone young and hot?!”

“He’s so out of her league. She should crawl back into her hole and let him go.”

“Go kill yourself, whore.”

“I bet she’s a gold digger.”

“Bitch. I hope she dies.”

And so on and on.

You felt sick. In that same moment Eddie called you and you answered, your voice trembling.

“By your tone I assume you’ve seen? Greg just told me. I’m so sorry, kitten.”

“I…” you started but you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t want to care about what they say and some of the comments didn’t bother you – that they called you ugly and old, that was expected when some of his fans were barely eighteen. It was the blind rage and hatred that had affected you.

Who the hell wished that someone they didn’t even know would kill themselves? It was horrible!

“Kitten?” Eddie said and you took a deep breath.

“Yes?”

“Look, I don’t think you should go to work today. They clearly know where you work, there’s a good chance that the paparazzis try to crowd you there. Or, that some crazy fans stalk your there. Come back up and I’ll call Greg over to see how we should handle this.”

“Alright,” you said, walking back to the building you had just left.

“Jesus, what are we going to do?” you mumbled, clutching a cup of tea in your hands.

“I don’t know, kitten,” Eddie said. “The thing is, it’s out now. But there’s a possibility it will die down if we ignore it. They say there’s no smoke without fire but if we turn that around and there’s no more fire, then they will eventually move on to the next scandal.”

You raised an eyebrow. “This is a scandal?”

Eddie shook his head. “No, of course not, but you know what I mean.”

“Well… how are we going to prove there’s no fire then?” you wondered, “there is a fire, we are together after all! And we’ve been together before – if someone goes digging enough, they will easily find proof of that.”

“Yes, I know that,” Eddie said, running a hand through his hair. “But there’s a possibility it will all die down if we aren’t seen together for a while. Then they will just assume it was a one time thing and…”

You jerked, looking at him with wide eyes. “What?! You want to… are you suggesting we break up again?!”

Eddie looked both horrified and offended at the same time. “What? No, of course not! I just meant that we shouldn’t be seen together publicly, so that it will…”

“Well, that’s the same thing, by omission,” you all but yelled. “You say you will never let me go after all that’s happened, but what is this? One little ‘scandal’ as you so eloquently put it, and you’re ready to bail?!”

Eddie’s face paled even more. “Y/N, I’m trying to protect you! Did you see what they wrote about you this morning?! You really think that will go away? Because I can tell you right now, it won’t. I’m so glad of what I have accomplished and I’m grateful to all of my fans, but… at the same time, it’s as much a curse as a blessing. I’ve had women and men following me to hotels, crowd me outside restaurants, getting up on stage to try and touch me and refusing to let go until security forced them away! I’m used to it by now. But you’re not. And they will go after you even worse, because I haven’t showed interest in anyone for so long, and suddenly, here you are.”

You realized what he was trying to say and wiped the tears away. “I don’t care,” you said with a small voice. “You left me once. I understand why you did it but I won’t go through that again, Eddie, regardless of whether it’s fake or not. Don’t you understand how humiliating this is? Not because of your fans but because I have to be your dirty little secret. Well, I won’t.”

You walked toward the door and looked back, seeing Eddie actually panicking.

“Kitten, please don’t go!”

“I have to,” you said, turning to look at him. You loved him. You loved him more than anything else in the world, but because you did, he had the power to hurt you more than anyone else, even if he didn’t mean to.

“Eddie, look. Maybe we jumped into this too quickly. You’re clearly used to do everything alone, making every decision on your own. But you did that fifteen years ago and it broke us. And now you want to do it again, regardless of what I want. I won’t be your dirty little secret, or your mistress, coming and going through secrets passages or in different disguises every time. I don’t know much about how it is living in the spotlight with fans that could turn around and wish you dead within the span of two seconds. But I would be willing to, if you were there with me. Yet you didn’t even consider that, did you? I think you need to think long and hard on what you actually want from me and what you are willing to do. Until then I guess I’ll do just what you wanted me to. Pretend like this was just a one time thing.”

You were angry. You knew you would regret those harsh words sooner rather than later but right now you couldn’t find it in you to care.

The old story about how Eddie had decided to leave without even trying to talk to you or anyone of his friends, or Wayne before – and after that, shut you out when he finally reached out to Wayne again – still stung inside you even though you understood why he had done it. But the fact that he once again did it… it was just too much. It couldn’t go on if you were to be together again.

You opened the door and then turned around and raised your hand. “Don’t follow me. I want to be alone.”

A few hours later you were sitting on your couch with a coffee cup and reading a book. You didn’t want to use your phone or watch TV, fearing to be reminded of the new mess you’d found yourself in.

You missed Eddie already, but you were still upset with him.

Or were you the one in the wrong? You couldn’t exactly expect that Eddie would be the same as when you were teenagers, right?

But that wasn’t what you wanted. Of course you missed those days, when things were so easy and uncomplicated. It wasn’t what you expected now though – you just wanted to be with Edde.

But you wanted to actually be with him. Not in secret or some fake pretend.

You weren’t worried any more about him wanting someone else, a younger fan or some model that would throw themselves at him. If he had been more celibate than you during these years because he missed you, that said something.

And at the same time, if he ignored this, pretending like it was nothing, didn’t that send a message too? That it was nothing. You were nothing.

You sighed and wiped your eyes, refusing to cry over this when there was a knock on the door.

You got up from the couch and went into the hallway to open the door.

Outside stood Eddie. He looked upset.

“What’s wrong?” you wondered, and Eddie stepped inside, holding his phone up to you. It was a picture of the outside of your building. The gate to the building was locked, you needed a code to enter and right now you were deeply grateful for that because Eddie’s pictures showed the front wall of your building, and the word ‘whore’ sprayed in angry red letters. You gasped.

“This is what I meant, kitten,” Eddie sighed, running his hands through his hair. “You’re the one they will be coming after. But I also realized you were right. You’re more than some mistress and I refuse to let this happen to you without doing something. So… I did. I hope you won’t get angry with me for not asking you – again – but… well, you can see for yourself.”

He gave you his phone. It was all over social media and the gossip pages. Eddie had made a statement about the pictures taken, confirmed that you were his girlfriend, that he had known you from before he became famous and that the song he had written was indeed about you and you two reconnecting. He had also said that he asked his fans to be kind to you, because he loved you and needed you in his life and if they supported him, they should support you, because you made him happy.

There were still some angry comments, some claiming that the timing of you coming back into his life when he’s at the height of his career seemed rather suspicious.

You didn’t care about that, though, because they didn’t know the whole story. Let them draw their wrongful conclusions.

Eddie was watching you, waiting for a reaction. You smiled at him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you,” you whispered. “That’s all I wanted. You to acknowledge me as someone you love.”

“You’re more than that, kitten,” Eddie said. “You’re my forever and a day, remember? My first and last. Always.”

Then,

Hawkins, 1984

Eddie

Eddie hadn’t given the meeting with Deborah Wallace any more thought until Y/N came to him one afternoon, very distraught even though she tried to appear calm.

It was after gym class and apparently Deboarah had humiliated Y/N in front of the whole locker room, saying that Eddie had practically begged her to fuck him, and he would give away the weed to her for free, that she, Deborah had asked if he didn’t have a girlfriend and that Eddie had replied that Y/N was boring as hell in bed, that he might as well do it himself – at least then it would be done thoroughly, unlike when Y/N did it.

Deborah had finished with how she had jerked Eddie off and that Eddie had said that just her hand was better than Y/N’s pussy.

Eddie had never gotten so angry in his entire life. For the first time ever he seriously thought about harming another person, regardless of whether she was a girl or not. He wanted to slam Deborah’s stupid face into the lockers, making nosebleed spurt from that pretty nose that she had to stick everywhere.

But he would never do that and he had more pressing matters to take care of.

“Oh, kitten,” he cooed, wrapping his arms around Y/N. “She’s lying. I promise you, it’s all lies. She came on to me last time when she bought from me, saying that perhaps we could make a deal. I told her no, that I had a girlfriend and I loved you, and she said you wouldn’t have to know. I told her I was done dealing with her, because she disrespected you. I promise you, kitten. I would never do  that to you. I love you. Only you.” He looked into Y/N’s eyes, begging her to believe him.

It seemed she was struggling, like she wanted to believe him but something else bugged her.

 “Why didn’t you tell me she did that, then?” Y/N asked, wiping her eyes. “It feels like you tried to hide it from me.”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to upset you,” Eddie said, realizing that that had come back to bite him in the ass, “and since I told her to find another dealer, that it would be the end of it. I clearly underestimated her level of bitchiness.”

Y/N snorted. “You don’t… you don’t want to be with her, Eddie? She’s like… the hottest girl in school. All the guys wants to either hook up with her or be in a relationship with her, even if they have girlfriends.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “No, I don’t want to be with her. I’ve never have, kitten. She’s rotten to the core, she’s talking shit about everyone, even her closest friends. How could anyone want to be with someone like that? And why would I, when I have the best girl ever by my side already?”

Y/N finally smiled and let him hug her. “Really? So… even if they offer you wouldn’t pick a cheerleader over me?”

“Not even if Miss Universe herself showed up and told me to pick,” Eddie promised her, kissing her forehead. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’d be more than stupid to fuck that up. I’ve neve claimed to be particularly bright, but I’m not that dumb.”

“You’re not dumb at all,” Y/N said, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder.

That being said, Eddie wouldn’t let Deborah Wallace get away with trying to split him and Y/N up or humiliate Y/N like that. The next day the principal called Deborah to his office through the school speakers. An anonymous tip had come in that Deborah hid a large amount of weed and alcohol in her locker – enough for the school to suspend her for a month and call chief Hopper to take her to jail until her parents came to bail her out.

A woman scorned is a dangerous thing, but love conquers all.

taglist: @ali-r3n @ficsbypix @mewchiili @melodymunson @ches-86 @jenniquinn @eddiemunsonfuxks @stolen-in-moonlight @alastorssimp @pandemoniusstuff

(let me know if you want to be on the taglist!)

please, like, comment and reblog!

Your likes are wonderful but reblogs expand my reading circle.

[ultimate-shipper-blog]

Part 5:

She never let go of his hand. She has that determined look on her face like she's going for world domination.

(He doesn't know this, but she never thought she'd get the chance to hold his hand again. She's gonna take it.)

"Hey. Woah." Steve pulls her arm to a stop. "What's going on?" He thinks he can see smoke coming out of her nose.

"Nothing." She trudges ahead.

"Lydia. Tell me the truth."

"Why?" She states. "Why you?" Her inquisitive gaze makes a shiver go down his spine. He fights back.

"Yes! Exactly! Why me?! You came to me. You asked. For me. So tell me. Why?" They're in an aggressive staring contest. Both glaring at the other.

She backs away and sighs. Looking defeated.

"Look...uh Steve. When I was growing up all I heard were good things about you. How you protected my family. How you would do anything for them. All your heroic tales. So when I heard I was in 1987 my first thought was to go where I would be safe." She only slightly lying through her teeth. "I wanted to be with you. And here I am."

He stares at her, eyes wide. Tears shining through. "Me?"

She shoves him away a playful smile across her face. "Yes you dingus. Why wouldn't I?"

He thinks of the embarrassing photo of him in his scoops ahoy uniform Robin has on her desk. He remembers a lot of 'ahoy ladies!'...right...who wouldn't want to be with that.

"Well I'm glad you found me. What was all the" he makes a wide swirling motion with his hand "back there."

Her face darkens significantly.

"Eddie." She mutters. "I told him something I shouldn't have and his reaction wasn't ideal. I don't know what I expected but I shouldn't have told him anything. I knew what I was risking and I still let it slip."

He puts a hand on her shoulder. "It's not your fault. It can't be easy to be away from what you know. And the questions probably aren't helping it probably seems like we're attacking you."

She starts walking again. "Well it certainly isn't helping. If I wanted to be yelled at by teenagers I'd just go to work." He gives her a questioning look. "I'm a guidance counselor at a high school."

Pride fills his chest. "That's awesome Lydia. Those kids are lucky to have you." She softens, voice quiet.

"You really think so?"

"I do. Come on. I'll tell you some embarrassing things that happened right down this path."

The rest of the walk was spent telling childhood stories and small tidbits she never heard. About his parents, who she never met, who she didn't even know were alive. About his high school days. About Eddie tripping while milk shot out his nose. She couldn't even hear the nature the laughter was too loud. She's never felt happier.

------

When they enter the house again El runs up to Lydia and grabs her hand, dragging her into a separate room muttering about something.

Steve takes it upon himself to find Eddie, he isn't sure exactly what Lydia told him but it's not good if he's upset.

He knocks on the door.

"Lydia?" He hears Eddie ask quietly.

"Not quite." Steve pushes his way inside and sits on the bed next to Eddie. "Are you ok?" He asks.

"I asked her if it was me. You know, who dies."

Steve's heart hammers in his chest. He can't live with that. The first round almost took him from Steve permanently. Days poured loitering next to his hospital bed, now days pretending he doesn't notice how close he wants to be to Eddie.

So maybe he's having a crisis...sue him.

"What did she say?" Each word is laced in fear.

"I- I can't tell you."

"Please Eddie let me help," he grabs his hand trying not to notice the sudden blush that's appeared on his cheeks.

"I shouldn't. She didn't even want to tell me that's why she's mad. She thinks she's doomed us all by putting some faith in me."

He looks dejected.

"You need to talk to her. She didn't seem mad on our walk, just frustrated. She's away from everything she knows."

"Steve," his wide brown eyes are piercing into him. This is the most intense eye contact he's had in months (not the point. focus.) "If I tell you you can't tell anyone else. I just don't know how to process this. I think if I don't tell someone I'll explode." He grips his hands so tight they've turned white.

"Whatever it is we'll get through this together." Steve's eyes are set. Determined. Serious.

"I'm her dad."

Oh! Oh.

He feels his heart crumble into a million pieces.

"Oh! That's great man. I'm sure you're making a great girl really lucky in the future." His smile is so fake it leaves a sick taste in his mouth.

Eddie looks upset.

"Are you not happy about this? I know you have a weird relationship with your family but that doesn't mean-"

"Steve I'm gay."

Oh!

"Oh!" SHIT "UM I MEAN thank you for trusting me."

Eddie sends a smirk his way. "Yeah no worries. I just don't understand how Lydia even exists."

Steve can't wipe the smile off his face. He has a chance!

"Whatever way it happened it happened." He shakes their clasped hands. "You have a kid!"

"I have a kid!" His smile is so bright. It suddenly turns to panic. "Oh god I have a kid." He puts his head in his hands and groans.

"Hey it'll be fine. She's a great person. Raising a good kid is way more impressive than having one. And...you...you're great." His face is tomato red. "I have no doubts you'll be capable."

They're gazing into each other's eyes at this point. Faces so close if he could just turn his head an inch-

Eddie clears his throat.

"Thank- thanks Stevie. That means a lot coming from a single mother of six such as yourself."

"Single!? You're not gonna take responsibility for your half?"

They both erupt into hysterics.

--------

"It will not matter." Is the first thing El says when they sit down.

"What won't?" Lydia asks, her hair fluttering into her eyes.

"Anything you say about the future won't change the past. You just can't tell us things like lottery numbers or wars. Stick to the small things." She pinches her fingers together. "Small." She restates.

"I told Eddie the truth."

El takes a sharp breath. "What did he say?"

"Nothing yet I ran away."

"Does Steve know?"

"What! No! I can't tell both of them!!! They'll freak out and then what if they never get together! Then I won't exist!" She pulls on her hair, frustration seeping in.

"It will be fine," El says. "I thought they were already dating." She shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe do the same thing with them." She pinches her fingers. "Start small."

----

Lydia finds Steve holding Eddie's hands. They're both sitting on the bed whispering between them. She wants to cry. She wants to take a picture and remember this forever. Eddie's eyes find hers first. He jumps apart from Steve looking embarrassed.

"H-hey," Lydia stutters. "Sorry to interrupt, are you busy?"

"Not for you." Eddie sounds serious. "Never for you."

Steve takes that as his cue to leave, he puts a hand on Eddie's shoulder whispering a quick "you got this." Passing Lydia and ruffling her hair. "Later kid, you'll be fine." She pushes his hand away silently basking in his touch.

"I'm older than you."

"Sure kid."

Lydia sits down as Steve leaves, not wanting to look Eddie in the eyes just yet. She doesn't know if she can take his disappointment.

"Lydia..."

"Don't-" she cuts off sharply. "If you're gonna sit here and say you never wanted me I don't want to hear it. I can just tell you how I was born so you can avoid it all together."

"Lydia!" She looks at him. He has tears in his eyes. "I have always wanted you. Maybe I didn't know it yet but I did. I just...look my dad-"

"I know about your dad. I know you are not like him I know you had good people to raise you-"

"Wayne-"

"What does grandpa have to do with this?"

"Grandpa? Oh jesus fuck ok. He's gonna love that."

She rolls her eyes.

"I was being sincere! He would you know...love you."

Her eyes soften at that. "I know." The smile on her face is contagious. "If you wanted me then why do you look so constipated? What's wrong?"

Eddie looks at her like he's guilty. "You probably don't know this...but I'm gay"

She can't stop laughing.

"This is not a laughing matter!" He tries to sound serious. "This is a big deal!" Sweat is forming on his brow, "how did I knock someone up? Not that you're not great of course-"

She cuts his rambling off by pressing her hand to his mouth.

"I know you're gay...I have two dads."

Eddie's mouth drops open.

"Ivf? Adoption? All things that exist Pa." She slaps his arm. "Or the turkey baster." She gives him a wink.

His eyes widen. "Oh god. Who goes along with that?"

She knows she can tell him but she remembers her talk with El. She holds her hand close to his eyes and pinches her fingers. "Small."

"What?"

"El said I can tell you things in small doses so you don't go insane. So 'small'."

"Right. Well...ok damn." He wraps an arm around her and pulls her close. "Me and you we'll be ok munchkin."

She chokes on a sob. "It's been awhile since you've called me that."

"Ready to go out there again? Time to get serious."

"Yeah." She wipes her eyes. "It's getting serious. I'm ready to help."

-----

When they head back out to the group she's pulled aside by Robin. This is not good. She's never been good at lying to her.

She's trying to focus on anything but the piercing stare of eyes that match her own. Focusing on her dad's talking in the corner.

"Hey!" Robin snaps her fingers in front of Lydia's face trying to get her attention. "I know the truth." Her gaze is serious.

"Oh god!" Lydia mumbles into her hands "how could you possibly know the truth?! I haven't even said anything!" She's freaking out.

"I heard you talking to El. I was listening through the door."

"You know I'm Steve's kid?!" She almost shouts.

Robin looks pale. Uh oh.

"No...no I did not. I knew you were Eddie's kid. Oh my god oh my god-"

"Shit shit shit-"

"Wait! Did you lie? What else are you lying about?"

"No Aunt Robin I just...there's some things I can't talk about..."

Robin's eyes flicker over to the two in the corner. "Holy shit those two idiots figured it out." A smug smirk takes place on her face.

"What?"

"I thought I'd have to lock them in a closet- ha! Oh man this is great. Have you told him yet?"

"Who?"

"Steve of course! He needs to know, he never thought he's get a happy ending. He deserves to know. To be able to look forward to something."

"Maybe...I- I don't know."

---

"I don't know how we're gonna get through this," Eddie murmers.

"We'll be fine. You know how your future ends." Steve points to Lydia. "She's standing right there. You know it's funny, I would've thought she was my kid. Lydia is my grandmother's name. Ha...funny."

Eddie whips his head around to Lydia his mouth has dropped open and she has a manic grin on her face. She cackles loudly earning her a few confused stares.

----

The end! Of this part.

So about that happy ending...I've been thinking...

I mean why is she there so many years in the future? There has to be a reason she's there way before the Vecna attack? 😈

The way I already have the ending written mwahaha.

But remember guys...small🤏

The hardest part of this chapter was writing the steve and Lydia bonding walk.

Please interact with this! I want to know what you guys want to happen or just tell me you liked it :)

Tag list: @tinyplanet95

[derrydyyke]

Letters.

tw; drug/alcohol abuse, suicidal ideation/attempt.

Monday, March 6th, 2017

Eddie,

I don't really know what to say here. My therapist (Ben & Bev finally got me to go. I don't really think it's working.) told me to try journaling, and I really did try but nothing came out. Imagine that, huh? Me, with absolutely nothing to say. So he told me to maybe try writing to a specific person. Like letters, I guess. That it might make it easier to come up with things to say. And I guess that part does make sense, I mean there are about a million things I wish I could say to you. Mostly just that I really fuckin miss you, man. He told me to write whenever I felt like drinking, or using. I told him that I don't think he understands that I'd be selling novels like Bill does if I wrote every single time I feel like that. So we agreed to at least try it on the extra hard nights. And today was six months since... Well, you know. I don't think I can say it yet. I feel sick when I try to talk about it. That's another thing we're working on. Um. Anyways, I guess I just wanna say that I miss you. I wish we had more time together. That fucking clown stole thirty years we all could've had with each other and then as soon as we found each other again it had to take you away from me for good. It's not fucking fair. Fuck this. Therapy and journaling is bullshit. It's not the same, It's not like I can actually talk to you. Now I'm just writing AND drinking. Shit. It's midnight already. At least that awful fucking day is over. Hey, Happy Birthday to me. Who thought I'd see 41? Not me, that's for sure. Especially after these past few months. Fuck Paul, dude, what am I even paying this guy for? I'm wrapping this up. There's a bottle of vikes and a bottle of Makers Mark calling my name. Goodnight, Eds. I can't fuckin' tell you enough how badly I wish you were here. You'd smack the shit out of me, maybe knock some sense into me. I know you would. You're the only one that could.

Thursday, March 23rd, 2017

Eds,

I read (some of) my last letter to you to Paul. Out loud. It was super uncomfortable and I hated it just like everything else about therapy. He said it was a good start (didn't know I was being graded???) but that I stopped and gave up as soon as I started to talk about what happened and like. My feelings and stuff. He wants me to "delve deeper" into some of that. I guess. I don't know. Who talks like that? I don't know how any of that is supposed to help. I spend 90% of my time trying not to feel those things and he just wants me to make casual small talk with my dead friend about it. Where do you think he got his degree? WebMD? Because I'm 100% sure that this letter alone will fuel my next bender. Let's see. I have.. a lot of feelings about everything that happened. And not a fucking clue on how to talk about a single one of them. I guess I'm still pretty angry at our friends, but if I say that then I'm somehow the asshole so I just don't. I'm sad, obviously. I mean you.. died. Jesus. I just realized I said it earlier too. That you're dead. That doesn't feel like progress, I think I'm gonna be fucking sick.

I'm back. Good thing I'm not really sending these to you. You'd be pretty upset about the vomit stains on the paper. You'd probably burn this. Anyways. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm a little fucked up over watching you get shish-kabobbed right on top of me. I only see it every time I close my eyes. And I always wake up half expecting to be right there again. Like. Like part of me never moved from that spot. I've walked around feeling kinda hollow my entire life. And when I saw you in the restaurant, it was the first time in so long that I felt whole again. And you were gone again so fuckin' fast. And now it's like. I have never felt more empty and alone in my entire life. Like it physically hurts somewhere in my chest when I think about you but at the same time I'm so afraid I'll forget you again. I don't want to forget you this time. No matter how badly it hurts to remember. I won't. Never again. I think I have to stop for now, I can't even see what I'm writing anymore. On the bright side, I'm so emotionally exhausted I don't even need to get high to go to sleep tonight. Goodnight, Eddie. I miss you. And I love you. Like really fucking love you. I've never told anyone that. But I guess that's for another letter. Night.

Wednesday, April 12th, 2017

Eddie,

I'm writing you from the hospital because our "friends" are a bunch of fucking assholes and so are these doctors. Ben found me asleep on my bathroom floor and called 911 (I know it sounds bad but I swear I just partied too hard, I would've been fuckin' fine with some water and a pop-tart.) The hospital wanted to admit me involuntarily, but apparently Bill called my parents and I mean how am I supposed to argue with my mom while she's crying because Ben opened his stupid mouth and said my lips were blue when he found me? It's all a bunch of dramatic bullshit and I just wanna go home and instead I'm stuck in here until the psychiatrist with the douchey haircut says I'm not a threat to myself. I haven't even spoken to my parents in the longest time. I didn't want them here. I don't want anyone here. The look on my mom's face when I told her I'd only stay if they left will probably stay with me forever. But hey, I'm not the one who dragged them all the way out here. Bill is such a dick.

Saturday, July 15th, 2017

Hey, Eds.

Sorry, I know it's been a while. I'm a little bit fucked up right now. Shit has been not so great. Rehab was fucking miserable, and a waste of time and money (as you can tell). A lot has happened these past few months. I completely bombed a couple of shows. I don't even remember the second one. But I saw the video. Pretty sure everyone has. It was pretty bad. That's okay though. I'm starting over. I fired my manager, Steve. He's a good guy, and when I fired him we'd been in the middle of an argument, but I guess he was trying to be helpful? I don't know. Everyone is on my ass about the drinking like I'm 16 or something. I'm an adult. That's not the point, it wasn't the reason I fired him. I fired him because I finally realized why I liked him so much. He reminds me of you. Like. So much, Eds, I can't believe I didn't notice sooner. I was searching for you even when I couldn't remember who you were anymore. I know I said it in my letter a few months ago, But I never really got to tell you so now all I can do is try. I love you, Eddie. I love you. I'm in love with you. And I don't know if you would've thought that's weird, or gross, or if you would've even ever spoke to me again if you'd known. But I still wish I told you. You deserved love that wasn't also manipulation or control or abuse. And I have so much love for you, always have and always will. And I was too much of a pussy to tell you. If I'm being honest, I still am. I don't think I'll ever come out. If you were alive, I probably wouldn't tell you even now. But I wish that I would. I wish I had. I don't think you ever would've looked at me that way but it's nice to imagine sometimes. The life we could've had. Maybe one of these nights I'll dream about that and not about what actually happened. Goodnight, Eddie, my love.

Wednesday, September 6th, 2017

Eddie,

It's been a year. Today marks one year since we lost you. This has easily been the worst year of my entire fucking life. I wish we would've just left. I wish we didn't listen when Bill and Mike came back and spewed all of that bullshit about a ritual that didn't fucking work anyways. You died anyways. And I'd give up the rest of my life for ten good years with you even with the "horrible death" that Bev saw. I don't care. I'd take it. I'd take anything over this. I'm so fucking lost, Eds. I don't know if I said this in my last letter, I stopped going to therapy. I fuckin' hated it. I hated therapy. And I'm still writing in this stupid little notebook to someone who will never even read it just because I am that lonely and pathetic. I'm all alone and I fucking miss you so god damn much. I miss you so much. I don't talk to any of our friends anymore. I think they're sick of me, and I don't blame them. Bev said she didn't want me around when the baby comes. Not like this. But I don't think there's another version of me in there anymore. I think this is all that's left.

My mom died. She died last week and the last time I spoke to her was in the hospital back in April, when her and my dad flew across the country to come be here for me and I told them to fucking leave or I would refuse treatment. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do. I wish you were here. All this time I've wished that I had more time to know you all grown up but now? Now I'm glad that at least you don't have to know me. I'm a horrible fucking person. All of our friends think so, and my mom died wondering where she went wrong. I hope you thought I was cool for those couple of days, even if you were wrong.

"Hello, This is Beverly Marsh. Thank you for calling. I sincerely apologize for missing your call..."

"Hello, you've reached Ben Hanscom at Hanscom Architecture. I'm unable to come to the phone right now..."

"Hi, you've reached Mike Hanlon. Leave a message..."

"Hey, this is Bill Denbrough. Thanks for reaching out. I'm busy at the moment, but if you leave your name, number, and message, I'll return your call."

"Bill, H-Hey, It's uh. It's Richie. Call me back, man."

"Hey, this is Bill Denbrough. Thanks for reaching out. I'm busy at the moment, but if you leave your name, number, and message, I'll return your call."

"Bill? It's Richie again. Call me back when you get this. Please. I know it's been a while and things have been.. Just call me."

"Hey, this is Bill Denbrough. Thanks for reaching out. I'm busy at the moment, but if you leave your name, number, and message, I'll return your call."

"Bill, It's Richie. I'm suh-sorry. I'm so sorry. Please pick up, man. Please call me back, I really need you."

"Hey, this is Bill Denbrough. Thanks for reaching out. I'm busy at the moment, but if you leave your name, number, and message, I'll return your call."

"Come on, I'll do anything. I'll do anything, Bill, just please p-pick up the fuckin' phone. Please. One more chance. Please I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I can't do it. I ruined everything, and I'm all alone and I'm fuckin' scared, man, Can you just--"

"Hey, this is Bill Denbrough. Thanks for reaching out. I'm busy at the--"

"Fuck!"

Friday, January 12th, 2018

Eddie,

You would be so fuckin' mad at me right now. Like for a lot of things but especially for this. I just want to say that I'm sorry. When you died, For a whole day before I left Derry I told myself that I wouldn't let you saving my life go to waste. That I would live my life to the fullest because you couldn't anymore. That I owed it to you. And at the time I really meant it. I really wanted to honor you. Like I said, that lasted about a day. Life without you in it when I couldn't remember you was pretty miserable. Life without you in it now that I remember, now that I know you existed and that you're gone now, it's fucking unbearable. I've become unbearable. I can't stand it here, I can't stand myself, none of the people I love can stand me anymore. I'm never going to move past this and I've fought everyone who tried to help me move past it tooth and nail. I'm not going to get better and that's on me. I just don't have it in me. And everyone who tries to help me just gets hurt because I'm a fucking prick. So.. I think I should probably just do the world a favor and wrap things up here. I think it would be best. I hate the world and the world hates me back (at least we have that in common.) Nobody really knows what comes next. But if there is a heaven and a hell, I'm afraid I might not see you. So I guess this is goodbye, again. I love you, Eddie. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I wanted to get it right. I don't think I ever stood a chance if I'm being totally honest. I've never really felt like I belonged here anyways. Not in a long time. I was scared earlier. Called Bill, and Bev, and Ben, and Mike a bunch of times. They don't answer anymore, and I guess I understand. I do. I do understand. I wouldn't want me around anymore either. But anyways, I'm not afraid anymore. I actually feel kind of relieved that it's over, or about to be. No more nightmares, or withdrawals, or making my friends or my parents cry. It'll finally all be over. And when I drift off, I'll think of you, Eds. I'm always thinking of you. I love you. I'm sorry. Goodnight.

"Bottoms up." Richie sighed. Not bothering with a glass this time as he tipped the bottle of bourbon back and practically chugged it, chasing a few Vicodin. He spent the next few minutes crushing the pills against the coffee table in the hotel room into dust and snorting them. Occasionally stopping for another swig from his bottle. Once he was all out of Vicodin, and half way done with the bourbon, He stood up.

"Woah..." He stumbled, Catching himself on the dresser. He felt everything coming back up, but he swallowed it again. Shaking his head stubbornly.

"No. No, It's time. I'm fucking-- I'm doing this. Don't fuck this up." He said to nobody in particular, voice slurring. Taking a few shaky breaths and stabilizing himself. He turned on some music to try and distract from the ringing in his ears, drinking some more. He drank until the room was spinning, and then he kept going. Hardly making it across the room to get to the balcony, knocking things over on his way. His hands were shaking so hard, lighting a cigarette took more than one try, but he managed. Staring at the midnight sky and rocking back and forth where he sat on the balcony, letting the numbness overtake him. Originally, when he'd stood back up, it was to try and head back inside. Maybe draw a bath, or curl up and drift off to an eternal sleep in the king size bed. Instead, He used the railing of the balcony to pull himself to his feet, stared at the sky for another minute, wiped his tears and climbed right over. And then he let go.

There was a loud, gut wrenching, sickening crack. And Richie awoke with a start, gasping. Jolting awake in the hammock across from Eddie, limbs flailing as he tried to catch himself before realizing he wasn't.. falling? Not only was he not falling, He wasn't in California and he was suddenly years younger than he'd been a moment ago. What. The fuck?

"Richie. Hey. Are you okay?" Richie's eyes went wide as he turned his head towards the voice that couldn't possibly belong to,

"Stanley.." He breathed, disbelief, breath starting to pick up. Eyes immediately shifting to the boy pressed snugly into the hammock with him.

"Eds.." His voice cracked, breathing faster, tears spilling over before he could even feel them coming. Hardly noticing the way every pair of eyes in the clubhouse was on him, full of concern.

"Woah, R-Richie, Hey. W-What's--"

"I'm sorry, guys. I'm so fucking sorry. God, I'm so sorry for everything, for all of it, I--" He cried so hard it was difficult to understand him.

"What are you t-talking about?" Bill asked, genuinely baffled and extremely worried.

"Yeah, Rich, What's going on?" Bev asked softly, hand going to rest on his shoulder. He jumped the second it made contact.

"Don't-- Don't touch me, please, don't touch me. I'm sorry. I'm-- Jesus fuck, I can't--"

"Richie, breathe.." Stan soothed.

"I'm not supposed to be here.."

"What?"

"I thought I was gonna die." Richie sobbed.

The others looked at each other in concern and what was slowly becoming panic. Not sure what prompted this or how to help. Seeing Richie cry was pretty rare. But this was.. It was more than his occasional sniffly, watery eyes, wobbly pouted lip and abrasive attempts to deflect. This was a breakdown like they'd never seen before, Especially not from him. He was crying so hard, he was literally gasping for air as Stan tried to soothe him and help him breathe. The other thing that didn't sit right with a single one of them was how the most physically affectionate of the group of them had suddenly reacted to physical contact like it'd burned him. Nobody knew what to do.

Least of all Richie. Was this some kind of sick joke?

Or was it a second chance?

[the-nosy-neighbor]

More on A Cricket on the Hearth

In Dickens’s version, we have more characters, the story is from the viewpoint of the Peerybingles, John and Dot.  They are a couple with a large age difference and they have a new baby.  They know a toymaker named Caleb who works for a jerk named Tackleton, who is going to marry Mary, who is an old school friend of Dot.  Mary used to be engaged to Caleb’s son, Edward, who went off and died in South America.  Dot doesn’t want to marry Tackleton, but her mom is making her do it.

John brings home an elderly guy who was hitchhiking and the old guy invites himself to stay.  Tackleton comes to John and says that Dot is stepping out, which worries John.  They go peeping and see that the old man is actually a young man in disguise, who is young and hot without the disguise and has his arm around Dot’s waist.  John is heartbroken.  He thinks about killing the guy, while he sits in front of the fireplace brooding, but then a cricket chirps and turns into a fairy that shows him Dot’s past and how she is a good person.  In the end decides to be the bigger person (and not murder her!) and divorce her so she can be happy with the young hotness.  

It all comes out and it turns out that the young man is Edward, who finally made his way back to discover that May was going to marry Tackleton and decided to go in secret to see if she still loves him.  Dot helps them find a moment to talk, and they get hitched.  Dot didn’t tell her husband because he is a bumbling idiot.  All is well.  I guess except for Tackleton, I suppose.

What that means in Welcome Home context, I am not sure, but I have some half-formed ideas.  This story became popular at the time, and brass crickets around the fireplace became a thing.  I believe it was a common gift.  Example below:

We are used to having bugs around, and I thought we had a cricket, but the wiki calls it a mantis and those sure look like mantis front legs:

So, it is a tradition, but one that honestly hasn’t been around for a while.  At least, not where I am.  It might still be popular in England?  The internet only has references to it being obscure and there are tons of little articles and essays like mine above, enjoying this forgotten thing and how weird it is.   

The subtitle is interesting, though.  “A Fairy Tale of Home.”  The home is central to the story, in that the cricket stays around there, and it’s supposed to be a general good luck thing.  Generally in literature and myth, the hearth is like the heart of the home, and is closely associated with the positive aspects of home and family.  Hera and other goddesses are generally described as “of the hearth,” and not of the home.  If you get really weird about it, the hearth is comparable to a womb (I looked it up, it’s not just me, whew).  And the toys are something that figured in prominently in the update, but most Christmas things have toys in some form.

Fairy tale, though. I wonder if that is the important part of the title for our purposes. I'm going to have to think about that.

I did pull some frames that remind me of Welcome Home.  

The pic below Eddie is Edward from the cartoon special.  For one, the names are pretty similar.  Edward’s last name is Plummer, of the toymaker and blind daughter Plummers.  The last name is a reference to a person who works with lead, maybe pipes = plummer.  Thank god they got out of that field.�� I wonder if this is one of Clown’s references for Eddie?  I went and looked at the references Clown used in an answer to an ask, and it included “It’s a Small World” and Special Delivery Kluger from a Christmas special called Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  But that is a very specific reference, and Clown does have a love of animated specials and kids’ shows. I think it is still a possibility that this was a reference for Clown when designing Eddie.

Another reason I posted that pic of Eddie is that it has images overlaid, and I saw it in his eyes first.  When I saw the reflection of the figure in the eye (from the previous post), I thought, “this is something Clown would do and probably has done.”

There is something about the way the cuckoo clock background is drawn.  The wash that is on the background does feel like it is an influence, though instead of a blue we get a black/red effect.  

How about this:  When Eddie has his freakout, we are getting a purely external view of what Eddie is going through.  What if he is having a Dickensian experience in his mind?  Maybe not ghosts, per say, though you could say that there are ghosts overlaid on most of the images in the Homewarming content.  (below is me torturing this pic to see what is overlaid on the top)

Just out of sight, and I have pointed out a few different instances where this almost invisible layering is happening.  Could we be seeing what someone would see watching Scrooge have his out of body experience?

Clown has stated that hard work and being useful is Eddie’s reason for living.  Is there some reason that he feels this way, especially where Christmas packages are concerned?  What if he is going against some kind of moral Homewarming code that earns him an experience equivalent to Scrooge.

Also, Cricket Crocket is mentioned in this cartoon, so what if the pea on the plate is not only an expression of solitude and loneliness (and an all seeing eye, more on that to come), but is also a reference to the stingy dinner the Crocketts were going to have before Scrooge got it together and brought them food?  Side note, in Muppet Christmas Carol, which is the far superior version (Scrooged is a close second), they bring a giant uncooked turkey and every time I think “how are they going to eat that before tomorrow because it is going to take 12 hours to cook in a fireplace?”

Seeing the clock speed up and slow down in Home could be related to this idea of all of the spirits doing this in the same night, this manipulation of time.  Eddie sees himself in a room full of giant toys, and he is dwarfed in the middle.  Out of body, out of time, surrounded by strangeness.

I’m not suggesting that it is a Christmas past, present, and future kind of thing, but I’m suggesting a reference to a supernatural level experience that fits into Dickens’s works.  Like the references Clown has made to Eddie’s extreme commitment to his work, he may feel similarly about the holiday, hence why he was so excited to help Poppy.  He was performing the duties that he is supposed to do on Homewarming.  The fact that he didn’t follow the tradition, since there were no packages to deliver, could be a clue to where the breakdown occurs.  

I may have to read some more of Dicken’s holiday stuff to see if there is a stronger connection.  But I do think that I have some more to write about Eddie, regarding this theme and applying the themes introduced with Poppy.  

[aspecbuddie]

https://www.tumblr.com/aspecbuddie/747740160443252736/this-may-be-the-aroace-side-of-me-talking-but

The thing is though. They wouldn’t stay as they are. It would change and have no choice but to change. With how they are now, and how they have been the last 6 years, the things they get from each other, the emotional support, the investment, the open vulnerability and honesty, the being there when the other needs, those would all be regulated to their romantic partner. Because that’s what they essentially fill for each other. You give them actual adjusted healthy relationships and that’s not needed anymore. If Buck has someone who is totally accepting and safe and supportive, someone to build a family with, then he will turn to them first, not Eddie. You give Eddie that and now he’s got someone to turn to first for help with Chris. Chris has someone to go to other than Eddie when he needs help. The will? In this scenario realistically Eddie wouldn’t leave it as Buck. It’s gonna be changed to his actual partner. And I’m not directing this at you specifically so I’m sorry if it seems that way. But when people say “I’m fine with buddie not happening now but only as long as it doesn’t change things” they need to realize it’s impossible for that to happen. Sure they would still be best friends and I have no doubt they’d show up if needed or Chris needs but it won’t be the same or as much and all those little moments we’ve gotten from them over the years will be gone because those roles will be filled by others.

Short version of this reply: best friends are not 'fillers' until romantic partners show up, Chris can have more than two parents - Buck won't stop being who he is to Chris even if buddie never go romantically canon. However Anon, realistically, I know that your point of view is how the majority of people will think so is likely what would happen in the show, but it doesn't mean I have to like it, or can't hope things would be different.

Longer reply under cut

Anon. I understand what you're saying, and I understand that - sadly, in my personal opinion - this is the reality, and probably what would happen on the show. Which is a small part of why I am rooting for canon romantic buddie, because I know that the only way they are gonna stay as close as they currently are is if they get together.

Also there's a reason I started that post with 'this may be the aroace side of me talking'. Because the idea that buddie would get less close if they get significant, good, long term romantic partners makes me wonder if I'm just a - to use your phrasing - 'filler' in my friends lives until they get significant romantic partners. So maybe this hit too close too home, maybe I'm taking this too personally.

But still...

In my opinion:

Romantic relationships shouldn't be seen as superior, or the goal result. Friends can - and should - be just as important.

Aroace people - or anyone who doesn't want to be in a relationship - are not 'fillers' until people find their romantic partners.

Also, re the Chris of it all: more people for a kid is never going to be a bad thing. 'You give Eddie that and now he’s got someone to turn to first for help with Chris. Chris has someone to go to other than Eddie when he needs help.' Respectfully, no. Chris has ANOTHER person to go to other than Eddie. He's not going to stop going to Buck, loving Buck, because he's got another adult in his life that loves him.

And even if Eddie gets remarried, there's no guarantee that he would change his will. My stepmum is not who I would have gone to if my parents died. I love my stepmum, she's great, an amazing mum to my stepsisters, but I know that she wouldn't have become my guardian if my parents died. So maybe Eddie gets remarried and still decides that Buck is the best person for Chris, is still the person who would fight the hardest for him.

So yeah, I get where you're coming from, and know that this is the reality of the majority of people's viewpoint. But I'm still holding out hope that IF buddie don't go canon, they can stay as close as they are.

[chickenskins101]

mike wheeler

okay so with all these set photos coming out and these arguments between byler, and mileven, i think it’s time we start focusing on MIKE WHEELER.

people think that he is some b!tchy dude who is mean to his friends but people always forget that he has trauma too. but see, his trauma isn’t exactly from the upsidedown itself like wills, els or max. his comes from everyday struggles and i am here to speak my truth about that.

let’s not forget how heartbroken that kid was when his BEST friend will disappeared. I mean we’ve all seen that one scene where dustin and lucas are arguing and he’s in the middle look so depressed. for a whole week, he’s looking for will. this guy tried to 💀 himself. yeah yeah he did it for dustin, and im sure that’s part of it but for his teeth? they were baby teeth too. but he lost el, had a big fight with lucas, his best friend is still missing, and is living on one ounce of hope that will is alive after seeing his “dead” body dragged out of the water.

he grows a connection with el, then loses el. on the positive side, he did get his best friend back, but that doesn’t change the trauma we went through. but how can he express that trauma? i mean, his best friend is suffering from bullying and the side effects of coming back to life all year. how pathetic would it look to him if he started going, “when you went missing, i went through hell.” not to mention he couldn’t talk abt that to his mom or sister because barb didn’t come back. nancy has to deal with losing her best friend. at least mike got his back. that’s all that is going through his mind.

when el comes back, he can’t talk about the depression he went through after knowing what it felt like to lose will, and then to lose el for a whole year. she’s got all this trauma from the upsidedown and the lab. once again, he would look stupid if he started talking about his depression.

then his best friend and girlfriend move away to the other side of the country. cleary that destroyed him. i mean he prob thought that he would have will and el his whole life. will, who he has known for like what a decadeish? is gone. can he mourn, be sad, tell his friends that his two favourite people gone is killing jim from the inside? no! and why? because max just watched her step brother die. (i’m not a big fan of that arc cause he was literally so abusive). anyways max is going through it, thinking about what she could’ve done, isolating herself from lucas and the party. he once again probably would feel selfish if he were to mention that in front of his friends.

eddie was his friend too. cleary, he looked up to him in some shape or form. but he knows that dustin was closer AND had to watch him die. mike, wasn’t there for yet. he’s probably going through it too, knowing that someone he cared for is gone. does he even know that eddies dead yet? (pre s5 time skip). but dustin had to watch him die so it feels like him mourning would be more pathetic cause at least he wasn’t there. he can’t be as sad as everyone else when max his in the hospital bc he isn’t close enough like everyone else. that’s one of his best friends girlfriend, he has if way worse.

people forget that will and el weren’t the only ones bullied!! (dustin and lucas are also forgotten, that’s a post for later!). he was bullied his whole life too. he almost died because he was bullied. bullying, especially at a young age will affect you. i’m not excusing any of his fights he’s had with el or will, but apart of trauma and not getting help for it, means you are going to act as what you hate the most.

even the unrelated upsidedown stuff makes him look pathetic. his dad is there physically, but not emotionally. that would put a toll on anyone, having a dad that is never trying to bond or connect with you. but can he say anything about that? wills dad abuses him, dustin doesn’t have one and max had hers replaced with an abusive stepfather.

his whole life, he felt like his trauma want important enough because everyone has it worse than him. i am not shaming any other characters for their trauma, their traumas are just as important. what im trying to prove is that he isn’t some butthole teenager. he is a teenager who feels alone and keeps his feelings hidden until they explode.

plus, if you are a byler fan or a queer mike truther, you can add on to the fact that he probably hates himself for being some different weird losers who wants to be with his best friend, a man. that probably breaks all rules he grew up with.

add all these things tgt, and you get a very emotionally drained teenager who needs help.

(all the kids need therapy, srsly, why is max the only one in therapy. each kid has gone through sm, im not dissing them or ignoring their trauma, everyone’s trauma is equally important and ill make another post about each character in the future).

i really hope they talk about his trauma and depression, this dude has gone through and yet feels like it’s not important enough.

[shrinkthisviolet]

AU that I've had in my head for a while for the headcanons game: AU where Iris is pregnant/has a child with Eddie before he dies in season 1

Oooh the ANGST of this one omg:

Idk if she’d find out before or after Eddie dies…but after would be so much more painful. Before, she’d get a brief moment of happiness with Eddie. After? It’s just sadness and grief and “oh God, Barry, what am I gonna do? I can’t…I…I can’t do this on my own”

Barry, ofc, has no intention to let her do this alone. Neither does Joe, who also has the good sense not to make any snide remarks—Iris is an adult, she made her decisions, and none of them could’ve expected this. Barry in particular decides he’s going to help Iris through this, even co-parent with her if that’s what she wants. They go to all her appointments together and everything

Barry, meanwhile, is also still pushed to date Patty by Joe. And at first, it’s…fine. Patty’s nice, and really sweet, but…unlike canon, with how much time he’s spending around Iris lately, Patty clocks Barry’s feelings for Iris, like Linda did. And like Linda, Patty has too much self-respect to date someone who’s into someone else. Barry can’t even really deny it as vehemently as he did the year before—after all, what did he tell Joe? Patty’s “not Iris, I guess.” So they part amicably

Iris, meanwhile, is going through extra stress with the arrival of her mom in town. Joe tries to keep it from Iris at first, not wanting to stress out his pregnant daughter, but although Barry understands, he insists they can’t do that to Iris again. So they loop her in, making it clear that if she doesn’t want to see Francine, she doesn’t have to. She does…but Barry goes with her. He’s unwilling to let her walk into a stressful situation like that alone, especially since she is, at this point, 6+ months pregnant. It goes…poorly, but iirc from canon, this is when she finds out about Wally

Speaking of Wally, when he’s inducted into the family, Barry and Iris are already most of the way to couple-hood (further along than canon due to Barry’s co-parenting vow keeping them in such close proximity that the feelings are blossoming). So although Wally feels a little resentful/jealous of Barry as per canon, it dissipates faster with the quicker realization that although Barry spent years living in this house, although Joe and Iris are his family, he and Wally aren’t occupying the same spot. So really, it turns into an “are you good enough for my sister” thing

And that’s all I got, but…wow that’s more than I expected to write for this 😅

send me an au and i’ll share 5+ headcanons about it!

[apuckishwit]

Steddie- “I don’t think I like where this is going.”

*stares at the Word doc this is on*

Ummmm....oops?

I...I am very sorry for this. No one dies, that's all I'm saying. Also, this will be continued in like three parts I think because this bunny grew TEETH.

It ends when they close the Upside Down for good.

Of course it does. It was always going to end here, wasn’t it? Somehow, some way, it was always going to end here…from the very moment Will was first pulled down into this hellscape, they’ve all just been slowly making their way towards this very moment. There was never any other choice. He’s known that, deep down inside, for longer than he wants to admit.

The plan seems to be working, is the thing. No major surprises, no hiccups, no sudden changes, no need to scramble and improvise. Perhaps he should be nervous, but all he can think is that they might actually pull it off. They might actually put Vecna/Henry Creel/One/Whatever in the ground for good, might be able to close the gates once and for all and finally get their lives back.

He and Eddie are part of the diversion team—them, Robin and Nancy, Jonathan and his friend Argyle, Joyce Byers and Murray Bauman, along with someone named Agent Stinson and a small group of government spooks sent by some doctor that Hopper seems to more or less trust. They’ve split up along the gates that burst up into Hawkins all those months ago, causing general mayhem with government-issued firebombs and guns that had made Nancy smile in grim satisfaction. They’re not trying to cause any real damage—just enough to split Vecna’s focus, make him concentrate on shoring up his boundaries. Anything to give Eleven an advantage while she and Will (the only ones of the kids that are allowed anywhere near this fight and only because there’s no other choice…Steve was ready to die on that hill, but fortunately so were Hopper and Joyce) make their final stand with Hopper and the rest of the mysterious Dr. Owens’s soldiers backing them up.

He and Eddie are back-to-back at the edge of the Upside Down version of the trailer park, a circle of destruction around them. Neither of them had liked the idea of coming back here—where Eddie had almost lost his life, where Steve had almost lost his goddamn mind trying to stem the bleeding while Dustin sobbed and screamed and begged him to do something, Steve, please you gotta save him!. But they needed distractions at as many of the gates as possible, and he and Eddie know the area best. They had the best chance of escaping somewhere else if things went south. So. The trailer park it is.

“How much longer you think?” Eddie gasps, one hand leaving the barbed wire-wrapped club he’s got clutched in his hands to scrabble back against Steve’s hip. Steve grabs his wrist, intertwines their fingers. They’re both breathing hard, both bruised and dirty…but no major wounds. No blood.

He glances down at the watch still gamely wrapped around his wrist. “Ten minutes ‘til evac.” He glances up into the sky, watching for clouds of bats in the brief bursts of red lightning. The dogs came for them earlier—a whole pack of them, and Steve had breathed thanks to whoever was listening for the way Nancy pulled him and Eddie into the woods days before the final assault and drilled them on the weapons the government provided, made them shoot at target after target until she was satisfied that they could hold their own. They’d managed to take out the largest part of the pack before the things were on them before resorting to the club and Steve’s trusty nailbat.

The dogs were the worst of it. They haven’t seen any Demogorgons, haven’t seen any of the bats (they’d both agreed, at the first sight of the bats, they were retreating—Steve had made Eddie promise over and over that he wasn’t going to try and be a hero this time). They’ve done their part. Now it’s just a waiting game.

They feel it when El and Will succeed.

A tremendous crack, like thunder but a thousand times louder, splits the air. The ground trembles under their feet, and the vines choking the trailers and yards around them start writhing and shaking. Distant shrieks like dying animals sound, an eerie echo in the air. Forks of red lightning lance across the sky like strobe lights. The ground heaves again and Steve loses his balance, tipping back over into Eddie, who winds his arms around his waist and steadies him.

“Easy there! Think that’s our cue, baby,” he says, not letting go until Steve has his feet back under him. Even then, he doesn’t let go of his hand. Steve squeezes back. The ground shudders again, and Steve just nods.

“Yeah, time to go.” As if in agreement, the radio clipped to the front of his jacket crackles to life, Hopper’s voice ordering everyone to get to their pre-arranged evac points.

“Hop! The kids?” Joyce’s voice comes over the line, and Steve holds his breath until Hopper answers.

“They’re fine! It’s over…it’s all over as soon as we get out of here.”

Eddie lets out a huff of air that might be laughter, presses his forehead against Steve’s shoulder before darting up to kiss him soundly. “We did it,” he breathes. “We fuckin’ did it!”

Still hand in hand, they turn and race for the shell of Eddie’s trailer, and the gate that will take them home.

And that is where it all goes wrong.

*

It starts after the Russians.

His bruises fade, the damn near permanent ringing in his right ear—that he’s been dealing with since Hargrove caved his face in—settles back to a manageable level, and his ribs stop screaming at him when he twists too far to one side. He just…keeps getting headaches. Not quite full-blown migraines—they don’t take him out completely—but frequent, chronic headaches.

Frequent enough that he starts keeping a bottle of Tylenol and a pair of sunglasses in his glovebox. Frequent enough that he learns to recognize the very earliest symptoms of “a headache day.” Frequent enough that Robin, when she notices (and really, she notices scarily quickly, he’s not used to being seen the way Robin sees him), drags him to the library and spends almost three hours looking up possible side effects of frequent concussions, cross-referencing them with Steve’s experiences.

Then they spend a whole shift at Family Video making up a list of possible headache triggers for him to experiment with.

He doesn’t drink anything with caffeine in it anymore, Robin has been making him keep a damn food journal so they can start figuring out if anything in his diet is a trigger (it’s actually been really helpful, but it feels too much like homework for him not grumble about it), and he’s been trying to unfuck his sleep schedule.

The last is the problem—his sleep schedule has been fucked up since the night he got it in his head to go apologize to Jonathan Byers and walked into a horror movie.

He tries everything—he sets a rigid bedtime schedule, he works out in the evenings to tire himself out, he drinks the tea Robin steals from her kitchen for him (that turns out to be pretty nice…it doesn’t really help him sleep, but he finds it soothing anyway and keeps drinking it at night), but nothing really keeps the nightmares at bay except hard liquor or the little blue pills he finds left in his mother’s medicine cabinet from the last time his parents were in town.

And Steve knows the road both of those solutions lead down. Has two perfect examples. He has no desire to live his life swinging between sloshed and hungover like his father, nor does he want to drift around in a haze of Vicodin and “nerve pills” like his mother. Besides.

After the Russians, after that godawful shit they injected him and Robin with, he can’t stand the thought of being that out of control, that incapacitated again. But Robin really thinks getting more uninterrupted rest will help his headaches. And apparently popping Tylenol like candy can lead to stomach problems even if he is very careful not to take more than the recommended daily dose, so there’s that. There’s plenty else in his life trying to give him ulcers without adding fuel to the fire.

In desperation, he finally takes one of his few days off from Family Video (his father started putting money in his account every month again after Starcourt burned, but he doesn’t trust dear old Dad’s generosity anymore…that money goes directly into a separate savings account he opened and he funds his day to day expenses with his own paycheck) to drive the familiar route to the high school. He parks at the far end of the student lot, and tramps his way around the baseball field towards the wooded area that butts up against the school’s property.

He's never been to the little clearing with its old picnic table himself—Munson was discreet, but he’d still never cared to find out what his dad would do to him if Steve actually got caught buying from the local drug dealer. Usually he just passed a wad of bills to Tommy or one of the other members of the basketball team and let them handle buying the favors for his parties. Everyone knows where it is, though, and roughly what times Munson can be counted on to be there. Seniors have study hall the last period of the day, and only like ten percent of the population actually sits in the library and studies.

He sits himself down at the picnic table, closing his eyes and tipping his head back to enjoy the late September sun. He’s only been there for about ten minutes when he hears heavy, careless footsteps entering the clearing from the same direction he came. Instantly, his eyes fly open and he clocks the approach—the footsteps sound perfectly human, but this summer taught them that’s not necessarily a guarantee of safety.

It's just Munson, though, chains dangling from the belt loops of his ripped jeans and a logo of a band Steve has never even heard of decorating his long-sleeved t-shirt. A plain metal lunchbox dangles from one hand. He falters when his eyes land on Steve, his eyes widening sightly.

“Harrington?” he asks, surprise plain in his voice.

He tilts his head, suspicion replacing the surprise pretty quickly. Steve tries not to be offended. He and his old crew had mostly left Munson alone—not exactly a good idea to piss off the guy supplying you with illegal substances after all—but ‘mostly’ is not ‘totally.’ Steve’s pretty sure he never did anything personally to Munson…but he was probably friends with someone who did, and it’s not like Steve had ever tried to stop any of his buddies when they started in on someone.

“Hey,” he says, a touch awkwardly. Munson looks him up and down again, his eyes hard and wary, before cautiously sitting down across from him.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of such illustrious company?” Munson says, and Steve has no idea what illustrious means, but judging by the tone he doesn’t think it’s meant to be flattering. Munson doesn’t look like he’s going to turn around and leave, though, so he ignores the (probably) insult.

“You still sell?” he asks, and then kind of wants to smack his own forehead. Of course Munson still sells, that’s the entire point of this.

Munson lets out a little snort of laughter, and his shoulders relax a little. He laces his fingers together and rests his chin on them. “Well, I don’t hang out here for the ambiance, Harrington.” Munson smirks at him, and Steve resists the urge to roll his eyes.

Don’t piss off the guy supplying you illegal substances. It’s, like, rule one.

“I need weed,” he says, getting right to the point.

He doesn’t…he doesn’t really want to use anything. Not anymore. But Robin’s been right about the caffeine and the food journal and everything, and if she says finding a way to unfuck his sleeping will help, he’s willing to give it a shot. He doesn’t want to use alcohol, he doesn’t want to use his mom’s pills, and he sure as shit is not going to draw his parents’ attention back to him by going to a doctor for something more legitimate. Weed is the best compromise he can come up with. Just enough to mellow him out a little, without feeling out of control the way he did with the Russian shit.

Munson perks up a little. “Ooh, King Steve finally throwing another rager? Not gonna lie, man, my profit margin took a pretty big hit when you stopped those.”

Steve frowns. God, he hates that name. “What? No…uh, no. This is just for me.”

Munson tips backwards a little, placing his hands down on the picnic table to drum his fingers against the weathered wood. “Really now? Not that I’m not flattered you came to little ole’ me after all this time…but why after all this time? Whoever else you’ve been getting your stuff from get picked up?” He sounds like he’s teasing, now, but there’s something genuinely curious in his voice.

Already exasperated, and feeling the beginnings of another headache creeping around the edges of his brain, Steve sails straight past all the bitchy replies he could fire off. “Look, dude, everyone knows you don’t run your mouth to the wrong people and you don’t cut your stuff with anything dangerous and I need…” He stops, not having meant to be quite that truthful. “You want to make some money or what?” he snaps, not liking how still Munson has gone, not liking the way Munson’s dark eyes are boring into his.

“Someone give you a bad trip?” Munson asks quietly and fuck if he doesn’t actually sound a little concerned.

Steve can’t help the bitter laugh that bubbles up. Bad trip. He thinks of fists crashing against his face, ropes cutting into his wrists, the sickening fear of thinking he and Robin were both going to die in that bunker. If only it had just been a bad trip. “Something like that,” he mutters.

“Well shit,” Munson says, drumming his fingers on the tabletop again, the truly absurd number of rings he’s wearing flashing in the early fall sunlight. After a moment, he nods to himself. “All right, Harrington, how much you want?”

Steve tries not to sag in relief. Judging by the way Munson’s eyes sharpen again, he doesn’t quite succeed. “I dunno…I’d just like to smoke a joint before bed. Pretty, uh pretty regularly?”

Munson pins him with another sharp look, but then he relaxes, a slightly manic grin settling on his face. “Regular supply, huh? Oh, I think I like where this is going.” He plunks the lunchbox down on the picnic table.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Summary: Eddie accidentally witnesses the almost breakup between Nancy and Steve.

Man, all Eddie wanted to do was to come out for a smoke, but now he was flashing back to his parents' marriage. He could see his mother so clearly begging his father to love her, asking him if he did. It was something his father always struggled with, to say I love you. He could hear Al laughing and Alice crying. Eddie could sympathize with both sides. Sometimes, the hardest words to say are that I love you and I don't love you. It's easier to be Schrodinger's cat and to not look in the box because either way, it hurts, right? Love is painful and deep, especially when you don't know how to use it. It hurts not to be loved, too, because how difficult are you to love? You don't want to answer that question. You don't even want to ask it, but when you're alone, it bounces around in your head.

Eddie knew what it was like to ask for someone to love him, to watch his father as he started to walk away. He asked it in the same way his mother did, but his father didn't laugh this time, and maybe it was because Alice had just died. His father placed his hand over his chest, struggling to find the words. He couldn't say it, only held out his hand like he was giving him his heart, then he turned himself in. Eddie didn't understand it at the time. He hated his father for a long time. Cursed and screamed silently for his father abandoning him. He ignored Wayne for the longest time until one day, his mother's favorite song came on the radio, and he looked at Wayne before bursting into tears. Wayne didn't say anything. He just held Eddie.

But sometimes, you both know it won't work out, and both of you didn't want to admit it. You can love someone but also not love someone. You want it to work so badly because it was good, it was great and you had put a large part of yourself into that relationship. You want it to be worth something, you want it to have a result. . . You needed it to have a result. Sometimes, you can also hold on because your biggest fear is to be alone, and when you're alone, your inner enemy is at its worst. Sometimes, though, it's better to say the words that you don't want to say. They need to be said, no matter how hard they were. He knew his parents would have been better friends if they just said what was needed to be said, to close the chapter of that book and move on to a new one.

Eddie watched as Steve called her bullshit and walked away. He wanted to scream at them. No, say the words! Say them! Oh, but if he chased them down and said that, they would freak out about him listening in. It was an accident. He was there first. In the end, he didn't say the words to them and stayed where he was. He sympathized with both of them. Neither one of them were wrong with how they felt. They were just wrong for each other. Wait. . .

"Am I feeling sorry for Steve Harrington?" Eddie scoffed. "Yeah, I think I'll take a little break from smoking."

He squished his cigarette beneath his foot and walked down the same path they did.