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#how can I see how bad this is but still choose to do it
harrysfolklore · 6 hours
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Could you do nailea devora as a face claim? Please and thank you<3
mi bonita - fc43
summary: franco can't stop flirting with a pretty journalist. he has no idea she's lando norris' sister folkie radio: MY FIRST FRANCO FIC!!! that little argentinian man completely charmed me and now i'm obsessed with him. i hope you like this!
MASTERLIST | MY PATREON
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liked by landonorris, lilyzneimer and 178,530 others
ynnorris summer break was nice, now let’s get back to work 😁
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username1 SO PRETTY
username2 whats up with the norris genes
username3 she’s pretty, she has a journalism degree and she’s lando norris’ sister, it girl
iamrebeccad 😍😍😍
olliebearman Miss youuu
↳ ynnorris you’ll see me every weekend next year, formula 1 driver
↳ username1 their friendship >>>>
username4 the superior norris for real
georgerussell63 Ready to be terrorized by you in the media pen for ten more race weekends
↳ ynnorris you love me
↳ username2 HEEEELP 😭
landonorris Let’s gooo
↳ ynnorris no one knows you
↳ username3 best siblings ever
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liked by olliebearman, ynnorris and 328,638 others
francolapinto Empieza el sueño 🥺 @williamsracing Can’t wait to bring it to Monza
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username1 VAMOS
username2 okay i like him already
username3 i still miss logan but im so happy for him
williamsracing 💙💙
alex_albon Welcome mate 🙌🙌
username4 HES SO CUTE HELLO
username5 another latino is just what the grid needed
username6 I STAN
username7 most of you are new to the franco colapinto agenda but i’ve been here for a long time y’all are not ready
↳ username1 i can’t wait for people to realize he’s a menace
ynnorris welcome to f1 😁😁 see you at the media pen!
↳ francolapinto That’s what I’m looking forward to the most 😉 see you hermosa
↳ username1 HELP????
↳ username2 WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY
↳ username3 DOES HE KNOW THATS LANDO’S SISTER
↳ username4 oh i can’t wait to see how this unfolds
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liked by francolapinto, landonorris and 182,378 others
ynnorris monza time 🇮🇹🇮🇹
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username1 STUNNING
username2 it girl
carmenmmundt Pretty girl ✨✨
username3 this is how you nepotism
username4 drop the skin care routine queen
yukitsunoda0511 You’re the only one allowed to interview me ever
↳ yourinstagram 😭😭 love you
↳ username1 HEELP
username5 oh to be her
username6 lando and yn norris are the moment
francolapinto 😍😍😍😍
francolapinto Can’t wait to meet you bonita
↳ username1 FRANCO 😭😭
↳ username2 seriously does franco know this is lando’s sister
↳ username3 franco is such a menace and his first race hasn’t even happened yet
↳ username4 SOMEONE MEDIA TRAIN THIS MAN
↳ ynnorris 😚
landonorris ????
↳ ynnorris what’s your deal
↳ landonorris I don’t get some of these comments
↳ username1 THEY’RE SO 😭
↳ username2 yn lives to piss lando off
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[la mas bonita= the prettiest] [no hablo ingles= i don’t speak english] [lo siento mucho = im so sorry]
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liked by francolapinto, lilyhme and 187,638 others
ynnorris does anybody know a good spanish teacher?
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username1 HEEEELP
username2 IT GIRL FR
alexandrasaintmleux 😍😍😍
username3 she’s going to give lando a heart attack
username4 SHES JUST AS MESSY AS LANDO
redbullracing We see a Redbull 👀
↳ ynnorris omg don’t tell the mclaren admin
username5 @francolapinto go for it dude
maxverstappen1 The drink >>>>
↳ ynnorris don’t let it get to your head
landonorris Carlos and Fernando can teach you no need to look for tEaChErS
↳ username1 HEEEEELPPP
↳ username2 THIS IS SO 😭😭
landonorris or Checo
↳ username1 YOU KNOW ITS BAD WHEN HE SIDES WITH CHECO
ynnorris choosing to ignore my brother thanks !
francolapinto I volunteer 😍😍😍😍
↳ username1 FRANCO 😭
↳ username2 that’s my boy
↳ username3 HE GOT BALLS
francolapinto La mas bonita 😍
↳ ynnorris 😚😚
↳ username1 LANDO IS GOING TO THROW UP
↳ ynnorris i blocked him
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liked by ynnorris, alex_albon and 398,736 others
francolapinto Ready for Baku 😉
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username1 BARKING RN
username2 his first f1 points incoming
username3 how is this man so hot
williamsracing 💙💙💙
username4 ready to watch him rizz yn again
↳ username1 i don’t think he’ll do that again lando already called him out 😭
username5 DONT EVER LEAVE THE GRID
olliebearman 🙌
username6 hide from lando
carlossainz55 See you there
↳ username1 HELP IM PRETTY SURE LANDO TYPED THIS
landonorris SEE YOU
↳ username2 HE IS SO ANNOYING 😭😭😭
↳ francolapinto 😅😅😅
ynnorris Bonitooooo
↳ username1 PAUSE
↳ username2 SHES AS MESSY AS HIM
↳ francolapinto My heart just stopped 😍
↳ username3 GET A ROOM
↳ landonorris I think both of you should get different jobs
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[the prettiest interviewer wished me luck so i should do good]
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liked my francolapinto, lilyzneimer and 194,368 others
ynnorris baku ! let’s have some fun 😚
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username1 PRETTY GIRLLLL
username2 she’s wearing blue for williams i don’t make the rules
f1 ❤️
alexandrasaintmleux prettiest ❤️‍🔥
username3 FRANCO COLAPOINTS COME ON
username4 she has the coolest job ever
olliebearman 🙌🙌
username5 notice that lando didn’t like this she fr blocked him 😭
username6 ready to watch franco rizz her left and right again
username7 FRANCO YOU BETTER SCORE POINTS
username8 drop the haircare routine queen
francolapinto 😍😍😍😍
francolapinto La mas bonita
francolapinto This is my new lockscreen
↳ username1 FRANCOOOO
↳ username2 HES SHAMELESS
↳ ynnorris 🥰🥰🥰
carlossainz55 I showed this comment section to Lando
↳ ynnorris and now you’re blocked too!
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liked by oscarpiastri, ynnorris and 401,278 others
francolapinto What a day in Azerbaijan! Huge thanks to the entire team for their incredible work and strategy. This is just the beginning - we're coming for more! 💪
P.S. Special thanks to @/ynnorris for the motivation 😉 and @/landonorris for the... err... brotherly encouragement? 😅 Turns out scoring points is easier than navigating Norris family dynamics
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username1 FRANCO COLAPOINTSSSS
username2 ICONIC
username3 NOT THE NORRIS SHOUTOUT
williamsracing Great day 🙌🙌
username4 NOW HIM AND YN NEED TO GO ON A DATE
alex_albon Let’s gooo 💪
username5 YN NORRIS AND FRANCO COLAPINTO WORLD DOMINATION IDC
username6 if they don’t go on a date istg
username7 THE MAN THAT YOU ARE
username8 franco colapinto let me be your woman
landonorris You’re still on my watch kid
↳ username1 HEEELP
↳ francolapinto 😩😩
ynnorris sooo when are we going on that date?
↳ username1 OMFGGGG YES YES
↳ username2 WE CHEERED
↳ francolapinto I’ll pick you up tomorrow bonita
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ynnorris has added to their stories
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francolapinto has added to their stories
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liked by francolapinto, alexandrasaintmleux and 201,378 others
ynnorris he’s a cutieeee what can i say 🤏
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username1 AHHHHH
username2 IT COUPLE ALREADY
username3 lando is not going to like this 😭
lilymhe 🤍🤍
username4 IT HAPPENED
username5 franco is proof that with rizz and a dream you can get anyone
georgerussell63 👀
username6 THIS MENACES TOGETHER IS THE BEST THING EVER
username7 SOMEONE CHECK ON LANDO
carlossainz55 Lando kindly asks that you unblock him
↳ username1 HEEEELP😭
↳ username2 DONT UNBLOCK HIM YN
↳ ynnorris NEVER
francolapinto Mi bonita 😍😍😍
↳ username1 that’s his nickname for her 🥺
↳ username2 LOVE THEM
↳ ynnorris 😚
313 notes · View notes
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For the bad Sanses, if their SO would want to grow old and die, would they respect that?
Agh... well. Short answer? No. Long answer? No, absolutely not.
Horror, I think, would come the closest to actually respecting your decision. He has Papyrus to support him so he wouldn't have to go through it completely alone. He's experienced a lot of loss, and he knows the pain of seeing people you love hang around long after they should've gone, deteriorating into someone you hardly recognise. But also... he's just really not in the right frame of mind to let you go. Horror does not love in halves and the thought of losing you is like a point-blank shot to the Soul. If you bring it up, best reaction you'll get is him being confused and then pretending you didn't even talk about it, and the worst is a full smashing-things-flipping-tables-throwing-chairs meltdown. You might get a better response from Papyrus. He'll try to mediate. Perhaps give it a few years, once he's had time to ease.
If you press Dust about it, he will give you an ultimatum. If you really, really want to grow old and die, the relationship is over. You can die, if you like. But don't expect him to watch. He knows that when you go, part of him goes too, and at least this way his time feeling warm and whole again ends on his terms. He can sink back into the dark by choice. You get your wish, but you'll never see him again. He'll be pretty sour grapes about it (and about you) if you do end up choosing to die. As far as he's concerned you chose your mortality over him. He doesn't respect it or understand why. He feels abandoned and betrayed... and he refuses to reminisce positively on something that hurts so much to think about. Someone bringing up your name is enough to start a brawl.
Killer doesn't understand. You want to die? You want to leave him behind? You want him to be alone again - how could you say that? You don't mean that. If you hold your ground and tell him you really mean it, he'll tell you he's fine with it, but he's a bald-faced liar. Whilst Dust is bitter, Killer is shattered; he really thought he found someone who would stay by his side no matter what. The rug has gone out from under him. Now he's facing the prospect of being utterly alone again, surrounded only by the voices that still taunt him even now. He fully retreats into his own head... he acts like he's silly and fine, but his Soul has never been more red. You'll never see his white eyelights again.
Nightmare... uh, no. Sorry. He laughs it off like you're a kid telling him you want to eat a billion cookies. He thinks he knows better than you, in this regard, you don't really want to die, you'll understand in a few hundred years. He's a reasonable lover in most aspects but this is one of few things he doesn't budge on. Part and parcel of being a God's beloved, I'm afraid. D'aw, you want to grow old and die? Sure he'll let you. Aren't you cute. Just don't pay attention to how wrinkles never form on your skin. I'm sure it's nothing.
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stellocchia · 2 days
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I like thinking that there would be some moments of softness between Nightmare's henchmen when they're still living at the castle. Not necessarily the usual kind of softness but just things like:
Horror holding Killer's soul in his ribcage when he's feeling too vulnerable (perhaps because Nightmare messed with his soul). Horror is built differently from monsters from other AUs, he's more corporeal and he's basically already dead, so, while it's unpleasant, he can still handle holding the excess determination inside
Cross holding back his hits during training if he notices that whoever he's training had a bad pain day. Perhaps even insisting on the importance of training their aim and magic control instead if Nightmare's around, so he doesn't have to fight them at all
Dust building himself a makeshift lab in the dungeon so he can make pain medications and then giving them to the others in exchange for a favor down the line (usually the favor is not to bother him that day)
Killer stealing things that are not strictly necessary for their survival but that will help or at least boost the morale of the others. He gets Dust earplugs so he can properly decompress when things get too overwhelming. He steals chocolate for Cross whenever he can. He always makes sure there is food on the table for horror and still to keep his axe from getting all rusty
I don't think they'd necessarily be the types to cuddle together in a corner, or something like that. But I like to think that, finding themselves in such a shitty situation all together, they'd bond. Call it trauma bonding if you will.
Their soft moments are them silently sitting in the same room, each doing their own thing. It's them taking responsibility for mistakes that weren't theirs. It's them teaching each other how to survive. It's them going hungry if they see that someone else needs that food more. It's them sleeping in shifts so the others can be guarded.
It's them just coexisting while not choosing kindness, but getting very close to it.
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specss00 · 11 hours
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ALTERHUMAN SLANG DICTIONARY
MAMMALIAN
Got on my back paws - got on my hands and knees. Like how animals can stand up as a trick.
ex: yeah, i really wanted that necklace, i had to get on my back legs so she would get it for me.
Showing fang - standing up for yourself/being assertive. 
ex:  he’s really tough, and he’ll show fang at just about anything.
White eye - going crazy/really scared. Like how animals show the whites of their eyes when very agitated.
ex: haha, i saw how scared you were during that movie, you went all white eye at the end!
Howling at the sun[wolf/werewolf] doing something completely ridiculously/incorrect
Ex: dude did you see how that movie ended? Mc was really howling at the sun
Could hear someone purring[cat, any other purring animal]  noticeably becoming relaxed around someone/something
Ex: I saw you with your new plush yesterday, I could really hear you purring
Treetop chaser - (herbivorous) someone who chases unattainable things.
ex: they’re way out of your league, don’t be a treetop chaser
Bellycrawler - someone overly submissive.
ex - you have to stand up for yourself, don’t be a bellycrawler and let them take advantage of you.
Downy - young, referring to the soft fur of young animals. 
ex - she shouldn’t be out til midnight, she’s still downy!
Sit on your wag - means the same thing as swallow your smile.
ex - i got accepted into college, but my sister wasn’t, so i had to sit on my wag.
Go for the ruff - do something harmless/gently.
ex - the shirt was really ugly, but i went for the ruff so i didn’t hurt his feelings.
Flea - an insult meaning antikin, or a bigot in general.
ex - oh, you have him in your class? Be careful, he’s a total flea.
AQUATIC
Riptide Rider - (aquatic) someone who lives dangerously.
ex: stay away from her, she’s a riptide rider, you’re bound to get hurt.
Current crazy - someone who just follows other people, same as flock brain
ex: my brother joined the football team, and now he’s all current crazy.
Bottomfeeder - an insult for a low-class being.
ex - the boys at my school are such bottomfeeders, they make all the girls uncomfortable.
Floater - an insult for a superior or snobby person.
ex - ugh, they’re such a floater. They brag about their promotions ALL THE TIME.
Seen the whale fall - someone who is very experienced, now become a word for old among younger aquatics.
ex - my gramps has really seen the whale fall, he’s almost 95!
Play remora - like devil’s advocate, because remoras stick close to sharks.
ex - i don’t wanna play remora about this, but i think he was lying.
AVIAN
Flock brain - (avian) someone who can’t think for themselves. 
ex: ugh, she’s only hanging out with them now, she’s being a total flock brain.
A hummer with an eagle - (avian) someone who is clearly out of their depth.
ex: are you sure you can handle advanced classes? No offense, but you’ll be a hummer with the eagles.
Mantling over [smth] - [avian] being possessive, traditionally over food items 
Ex : Sarah is really mantling over that burger menu, I tried to take a fry and she almost bit my head off...
All preened up - [avian] well dressed, well groomed, the state of satisfaction and confidence that comes with A Good Look
Ex : Wow, Eric was all preened up this evening. I don't think I've ever saw him take this many selfies. 
And just for fun...
Going for the rattler - [roadrunner] choosing the hard or dangerous option, with expectation of either great fun or a great reward
Ex : "Huh, this park offers either a canyoning session over rapids or a day in the sun near the lake" "well I'm definitely going for the rattler" 
flare(s) my wings - (avian) makes me tense/nervous/angry 
"i don't like him, he always makes me flare my wings" 
makes my wings flutter - (avian) makes me happy/excited
"pasta always makes my wings flutter"
im pretty sure "ruffles my feathers" is a preexisting one
messy wings (with no time to preen) - (avian) having a bad day/stressed (and haven't had time to cool down)
"yeah today my wings are so messy and i haven't had time to preen"
Having a blood feather - [avian] being particularly irritable 
ex : Don't bother with this guy, he's been having a severe case of blood feathers. He'll jump at you for anything.
Riding the updraft - [flying creature] taking advantage of good opportunities, being lucky in life, having an easy time.
ex : I've been really riding the updraft recently ! Got both a promotion and a new car! 
Beak agape - [avian] furious, about to throw down.
ex : Jesus, this dude really left me beak agape. The audacity to say that !
Feeling clipped - [avian] feeling restless and anxious, like there's no way out
ex : Honestly these last few weeks have left me feeling clipped, between the news, and being dropped from my job. 
REPTILIAN
Makes my scales itch - (draconic) said about something unsettling or that just feels wrong deep down, a gut feeling that something's wrong
ex: We should get out of here. This place is making my scales itch.
Blow fire - (draconic) be extremely angry about something
ex: Did you hear what went down the other day? John was really blowing fire at Derek over that one.
Rattle someone's scales - (draconic) to unsettle or upset someone
ex: Can't stand that guy, he really rattles my scales. 
Cloudy day - (reptilian) usually used as a question, if someone is acting tired or unusual. Like how reptiles need the sun to stay warm, if it’s cloudy, they can’t warm up.
ex: woah, cloudy day? You look like you haven’t slept in months.
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cardboardheartss · 3 days
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NEWJEANS Overall Reading
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⚠️DISCLAIMER! TAROT CARDS ARE NOT 100% ACCURATE! TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! IF MY INTERPRETATIONS ARE INCORRECT FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME!⚠️
*NWJNS current thoughts*
Minji : 7oC rx
In all honesty, from my cards, it seems as if Minji still wants to continue fighting. She is aware of the consequences that she’ll be facing but she honestly wants to fight. It seems like she will continue to demand change within the company, she only demands change for the sake of maintaining NWJNS creativity and image.
Hyein : 2oC rx
Hyein is completely tired. She wants to end her contract with HYBE, she is aware of the issues that HYBE and Fraudor will put her through and for her own sanity, she really wants to leave.
Haerin : 3oW rx, 9oP rx, The World
Haerin honestly wants a break! She is tired, and is literally on the brink of losing her mind atp. Haerin is also aware that HYBE will sabotage the girls careers on purpose, and she honestly does not want that for herself. She just wants to possibly go on a world tour and continue her career as NWJNS before April.
Hanni : AoW, 3oC rx
Poor Pham Pham, this situation has really made her question herself A LOT! She probably sits in her room and asks herself, “Why am I here?” “Why did I choose the fame life?” “Should I even continue being in NWJNS at this point?” Many thoughts surrounding her current situation as a member of NWJNS.
Danielle : Judgement rx, The Sun rx, 6oS, KoC rx, KNoP
The hate comments are hitting Dan Dan really hard, she has had the most difficult time. Since I watch NWJNS content, I can tell that she is honestly outraged and depressed too. Her whole vibe and personality has just become so closed off, it’s actually quite sad to witness. She really hates BSH too, many many negative thoughts about that man. Just views him as a money hungry coward tbh.
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*thoughts on Jungkook’s support post*
Minji : QoC rx, WoF, KoS rx
“Oh no.”😤 She knew what was coming, the fans. She just knew that it will bring them more bad luck, because of the hate comments they’ll be receiving (which is happening as I type this). She’s thankful for the post, in a way but she knew that the fans will downplay this post and cause a ruckus.
Hyein : 3oC rx
She was worried about his fans turning against him. She is also worried about how the higher ups will react towards Jungkook after the post had been made.
Haerin : 5oW rx
She’s so glad someone with so much power finally stood up for her group. In the back of her mind, she’s probably thinking about how other groups could be envious about this moment that took place. Overall, she’s honestly really really grateful to have Jungkook on their side because she really thinks the group needed that one person to just shake things up a bit.
Hanni : 6oC
*do y’all know the “that’s a real black king right there🤪” sound from TikTok?*
Hanni in all honesty said, “that’s a real sunbaenim right there.🙂‍↕️” Wouldn’t be surprised if Hanni actually cried a bit after seeing that post and statement. She is soooo grateful, she honestly is so relieved to actually see someone with so much power and influence in the industry stand up for her group. She honestly is so grateful! My gut tells me that she probably saved that post as her Lock Screen or just looks at it every night for motivation.
Danielle : 8oW rx, Devil rx, The Empress
Initially, I don’t even think Dani was aware of the post. Poor Dani probably has her phone off or has deleted her social media for the sake of her peace. After she was aware of the post, she was quite taken aback because she doesn’t believe how Jungkook, actually had the guts to stand for NWJNS while being aware of the situation her group has with HYBE. She really respects him and applauds him for what he did.
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*overall HYBE groups thoughts on this situation*
5oC rx, 2oP
Seems like these groups really be avoiding each other like a PLAGUE! These groups are completely and totally aware of the support NWJNS has, and I could say it kinda rubs them off the wrong way because they’re going through similar situations but they’re not getting the support from the rest of the industry and majority of the population of Korea (before y’all come for me, yes, support from this population matters the most, I’m sorry… I don’t make the rules!) It seems like they’ll try avoid thinking of this, and focus on support they receive from their own fandoms and promotions.
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*will NWJNS stay in HYBE?*
5oP
No, the girls will eventually be leaving HYBE for good. In all honesty once again, these girls will have to leave this company for the sake of their own peace. They’re going to have many financial difficulties as they depart from this company but they’re going to have to either way.
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*outcome of HYBE, once NWJNS leave*
AoP rx, The Lovers, 4oP, 10oS
lol. they’re going to be broker than ever! they will attempt to reconcile with their stock brokers or brands, to jump start their stock market value again, but it seems like all these businesses will stay clear from them to protect their own money because they’re aware, they’ll not be benefiting themselves with working with HYBE. HYBE will have to work really hard for positive public support again but it’s going to take a while.
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*publics perception of NWJNS departure from HYBE*
6oW rx, Justice rx, Strength
the public will be divided ; Token/HYBE stans & Bunnies/K-Industry/Public & Rest of the public. The first group of people will be dissatisfied and angered by NWJNS leaving and claim that they’re ungrateful and stupid. The rest of the public will feel remorseful and encourage NEWJEANS to not give up but at the same time, should take a break!
OR!
the public will hate HYBE even more, and question their motives as a company overall. many people will not support HYBE any longer and believe they need their names tarnished as much as well. Would not be surprised if HYBE releases a media play article that day, in a celebratory manner about NWJNS departure but the public will remind them that they (HYBE) has not won in this situation, and will in fact be weak in terms of revenue.
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*NWJNS careers once they depart from HYBE*
everybody say this with me : “NEWJEANS NEVER DIE!”📢
Pregnancy, Open Up Your Heart, Communicate, Manifest, Caution rx
*while shuffling the cards, the words NEWJEANS entertainment, came out my mouth lol! I would not be surprised if NWJNS establish their own company or they could possibly be moving to a different company, depending on their financial positions*
Anyways, the girls will come back better than ever! They will be expressing their gratitude to all the people who were on their side from the very beginning til the position they’ll be in once they’ve departed from HYBE. It seems as if the members 11:11 wishes will come true, and they’ll be a bit more stable and peaceful but it also seems like the girls will overwork themselves a bit too much because they want to prove to HYBE or the public that’s against them, that’s NWJNS as 5 shouldn’t be underestimated.
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*individual messages from my cards for NWJNS members during this situation*
>this is so random lol but my gut is telling me to do this so I guess why not.🤷🏽‍♀️
Minji (Divorce) : my cards are telling her to consider canceling her contract with HYBE.
Hyein (Moving) : my cards are also telling her to consider canceling her contract with HYBE.
Haerin (Commitment rx) : my cards are also telling her to also just end her contract with HYBE.
Hanni (Health) : my cards are telling her to watch out for her physical and mental health! urgently so!💢
Danielle (Mercury Retrograde) : my cards are telling Ms Aries Mercury to hold herself back because people on social media will continue to attack her for what she says and supports.
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That’s all for NWJNS today! The cards came out a bit better-ish than I had anticipated. I’m just relieved and touched to see how NWJNS will be okay after this situation. It will take some time for them to get back on their feet but they’re honestly going to kill it!
nwjns never die!🩷💛💚💜💙👏🏽
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literary-motif · 2 days
Text
In All My Dreams I Drown
Asirel Cain x Reader
Asirel experiences sleep paralysis.
Warnings: Insomnia, sleep paralysis
Asirel was not afraid of the dark. He had never been. The inky blackness of night had a way of soothing him. It seemed almost like the only escape from the crushing responsibility he carried during the day — almost because although the US slept, there were plenty of places around the world that were bussing with life and plenty of phone calls and e-mails he received during the dark hours. 
Still, it felt different. Breathing was easier during the night. He had always enjoyed being awake while the world around him slept. 
He had stretched this indulgence a little too far, it seemed. 
When he first started he had finished business at perhaps one in the morning, going off to bed soon after. One had turned to two over the years, two to three. Now when he looked up from his computer screen, it was usual to see the blue tint of the early morning light, just before the sunrise. He went to bed when the sun rose, but his daily responsibilities never lessened. 
Somehow, there was always more to do — more to plan, more to think about,  more to work out. He was always busy, and although his hours of sleep had been steadily reduced over many years, the time he tried to wake up rarely varied. 
It was becoming an issue. Asirel was very much aware of that. He had fought long and hard to reduce his hours, choosing to slip into bed as early as eleven at night, only to lie awake until the early hours anyway. 
What had started as simply an unconventional sleeping schedule had developed into a more serious issue. 
“Mr. Cain,” the blonde woman before him had said, giving him a sympathetic smile he thought she must flash to every patient. The sterile whiteness of her office nearly outshone the brightness of her coat, the stethoscope practically gleaming under the harsh artificial lights. “I am afraid there is not much I can do. Plainly speaking, it seems to me that you are under a lot of stress — if you reduce the stress, I am sure your insomnia will disappear.”
He had wanted to scoff but returned her smile with his own. It was polite, although a bit sardonic. “How do you suppose I do that, Doctor?”
She blinked as if nobody had ever asked her that question. “Well, it depends on what causes the stress, but either way I’d suggest—”
Physical activity. This time he did scoff, hiding it behind a cough. 
Working out seemed the cure for everything, just like water. Asirel, have you tried going outside more? His mother’s words had felt mocking, and hearing the same advice from this professional who did not take his ailment seriously made a bitter taste appear in his mouth. 
Headache? Drink some water. Back pain? Have you tried losing weight? Insomnia? Why, do some sports! 
Pathetic. He took the prescription for sleeping pills without another word. 
Sleeplessness in adults was very common, stress from work being mostly the cause of it, and although he supposed everyone experienced a bad night of sleep every once in a while — where they tossed and turned endlessly, without getting their mind to shut up as thoughts and worries swirled around until night turned to day and it felt like they had not slept at all — if these issues persisted for over half a month, things were no longer casual. 
Reduce the stress she had said. How exactly could he do that, when his very existence came with a relentless pressure pushing down on his shoulders? His life was heavy. He did important things, and although he loved the responsibility and influence he had — the power. He loved the power of his job — he was the first to admit that his work had cost him many sleepless nights and hours pouring over papers at his desk with seemingly no end in sight. 
The world was draining him of his strength, the love for his work — and the determination to change things according to his vision for it — faded under the relentless strain he had been under. He was at the end of his rope.
Much like a broken arm or sprained ankle, his insomnia hurt. It had causes, it had consequences. His mind felt like mush on some days, his thoughts dragging along until it took too much energy to direct their stream. His memory worsened, and the days blended — he remembered only little bursts of something, the important bits of meetings and conversations while all the rest faded to black. 
How long since he had last seen his mother? A day? A week? When had his sister called? This morning? The day before yesterday? It was all a big lump of gray. 
When had he last fed you? It must not have been that long ago, or else you would have complained.
Asirel was exhausted. He needed the world to stop for a day until he had his mind back together and ceased fraying at the edges. He took two sleeping pills, downing them with a large gulp of water.
They did not work as he had wished. He lay on his back, listening to the clock ticking on the other side of the room until his eyelids dropped, but he did not sleep. He lay awake for hours — still hours — until he slipped into oblivion, but his sleep was far from restful. 
It felt like he did not sleep at all.
He thought he opened his eyes in the morning, looking at the rays of sun streaming in through his window. He found he could not move. His heart skipped a beat, his mind slipping into a spiral of panic that the rational part of his brain sliced through with two words: sleep paralysis.
Where were the hallucinations? 
As the thought crossed his mind, he heard it. Loud banging came from the hallway, stomping that came closer and closer. His heart sped up, fear pulling him under despite knowing this was not real. He knew it, but the bangs approaching, getting louder and louder in tandem with his racing heartbeat made it hard to believe it. 
He tried to close his eyes, not wanting to see what his mind would come up with to torment him, but he could not. The room would not disappear before him, and he still could not move. 
Terror seized him, and he tried fighting the unshakable pressure pinning him down. The world around him felt like dough, his body limp around it as it was pushed into the mattress. There was a weight on his chest, heavy, unlike anything he had ever experienced before as it crushed him, keeping his lungs trapped. 
Something moved at the edge of his vision. The stomping approached closer and closer. Asirel wanted to scream. He tried, but his mouth did not comply, there was no air in his lungs. The only thing escaping him was a low whimper. The stomping came from right beside his bed.
A figure walked into his line of vision. It vaguely looked like him, but as he stared into its pale face — too pale — he saw blood trickling from its mouth. Its hair was dirty, a dark shade of blonde with specks of deep red in it. Its black eyes stared at him as it approached. 
He had never been as scared as he was now, helplessly trapped in his mind while this shadow version of himself reached out a bloodied hand towards his face. It leaned closer, hovering inches from him. 
“They’re coming to make you pay,” it said, "make you pay. Pay. For all you have done, they’ll make you pay. Pay. Pay. I’ll kill you if you don’t pay. Make you pay. They’re coming. They’re coming! Hide!”
The door flung open. Asirel felt himself resurfacing. The apparition vanished, the banging stopped and he blinked his eyes open. His brain felt numb, slowly awakening with pins and needles as he turned around. He still felt heavy, barely awake as reality slowly clicked back into place.
You stood in the doorway, surveying the room with a stance that told him you were ready to lunge at an attacker. Once you realized the room was empty, your eyebrows furrowed. “I heard your heart beating out of your chest not twenty seconds ago, Asirel. What’s going on?”
The pressure on his chest had lifted, and he let out a deep sigh as he moved a hand — relief flooding when he realized he could — to rest against his forehead. What an experience. Something still felt off, and there was a creeping terror at the edge of his mind that he could not shake. 
“Had,” he cleared his throat, closing his eyes to escape your puzzled expression, “had a— a nightmare, I suppose.” It was not the truth, but he did not feel like explaining sleep paralysis to you. The experience was still too fresh on his mind, and he feared talking about it might make it more real, turning this into a permanent curse. “Thanks for— for waking me.” Thanks for watching out for me.
You stared at him, the trembling in his voice and his still accelerated heartbeat telling you that something had shaken him to his core. “No problem,” you said, approaching him to sit on the edge of the bed. 
Asirel gave you an uncertain look. Hesitatingly, he lifted the edge of the covers. 
You chuckled, slipping in beside him. He snuggled into your arms immediately, resting his head on your shoulder and breathing in your scent. 
It grounded him, having you close. Your strong arms around him made him feel secure like nothing else could, certain that you would protect him. Despite it all, he knew he could trust you — and you knew he did as you heard his heartbeat even out and his breathing deepen. “Do you mind if I—?” he mumbled, eyelids drooping.
“Go ahead. I’ll be here when you wake up,” you said, fastening your hold on him. Asirel drifted off to sleep in your arms, catching a few hours of the most restful sleep he had had in a long time. 
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🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (yes I did twice)
YEAH! More BuddieShannon! 129 sentences:
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“Eddie, come on. I thought we were trying to be better about talking through our crap.”
“This isn’t our crap, though, Shannon!” He protests. “My stupid sexuality crisis is my crap!”
Shannon’s eyes widen. It takes his brain a moment to realize what his traitorous mouth has said. Fuck. 
“Oh,” Shannon replies. “So it’s not, like… A kink thing?”
Somehow, that question serves to make this even more embarrassing. 
“What? God! No!”
“O-okay,” Shannon stammers. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know this about you.”
Eddie sighs, deflating. 
“Yeah… Neither did I.”
Shannon scooches a little closer to him. She moves her hand from his wrist to his shoulder. 
“Eddie, there’s nothing wrong with it,” she says. “You know that, right? It’s okay to be attracted to him.”
Something stirs in Eddie at this. Like a wilting plant dragging itself towards a light source. But he shakes that away. 
“That’s not true,” he replies. 
“Why isn’t it true?” Shannon asks. “You’ve never cared about that kind of thing before.”
“For other people,” Eddie agrees. “But I’m not… That’s not how it’s supposed to be for me. I’ve never loved anyone but you. I’ve never wanted anyone but you.”
Her lips part a little. 
“You love him?” She asks. 
He freezes again. Fuck. He needs to stop talking. 
“Of course you do,” she says. “I mean, how could you not?” 
Right. Because she’s into him, too. Jesus Christ. What a pair they make. 
“I love you, Shannon,” Eddie replies. Firm. Unflinching. Because no matter what else is going on in his brain, and in his horrible heart, that is still true. 
“I don’t…” She frowns, struggling to choose her next words. “Eddie, one doesn’t make the other not true.”
He furrows his eyebrows. “But isn’t that fucked up? That’s wrong. That’s… It’s like emotional infidelity.” 
“It’s not,” Shannon replies. “We’re separated.”
“Well, that wasn’t my choice.”
She sighs. 
Right. Probably not a great point to focus on right now. 
“Sorry,” he mumbles. 
“Even if we weren’t, Eddie… It’s not bad,” Shannon says. “I mean, there would still be nothing wrong with you.”
“How can you possibly say that?” Eddie asks. 
Shannon bites her lip for a moment. 
“Eddie, are you upset that you’re attracted to a man or in love with two people at the same time?” 
“Both!” He bursts. “Those are both things I am not supposed to be.”
She sighs again. He wishes she’d stop sighing.
 “According to who?”
Eddie’s mouth snaps shut. He doesn’t know how to answer that question. According to who indeed? 
“Your parents,” Shannon says. “The church they made you go to?”
The one they had to get married in.
Eddie nods sheepishly. “Yeah. I guess that’s it.”
“And if Chris has this same question about himself in fifteen years? What will you say?” 
“Don’t go there, Shannon.” Eddie feels a rise of frustration in his chest. “You know what I’d say.”
“Yeah, I do,” she agrees. “Say it for me anyway, Eddie.”
Eddie groans. “I obviously don’t care who, if anyone, our children fall in love with one day, Shannon. As long as they’re happy and safe, I don’t care.”
“But that doesn’t apply to you?” Shannon asks. 
“Shannon…” Eddie complains.
“No, Eddie, come on,” she presses. “Why do Chris and-and this baby get the freedom of your values, but you get the restriction of your father’s? That’s ridiculous. You know it’s not bad or wrong. You know that.”
He knows. He does know. He… He just can’t.
“They get to be whoever they want, Shannon.” Eddie tells her.
“And you don’t?” 
No! No. Doesn’t she see that? He has never got to be anyone at all. What he wants doesn’t even exist. He’s never been able to explore that. He is no more than this. This automaton on a set path. He doesn’t know how to be anyone else. 
“No,” he replies. “I don’t.”
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mythicalmaven · 19 hours
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PROMPTLIST [REQUESTS OPEN] | F1
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masterlist
♥ I made a promplist in case people wanted to request something, but aren't sure what to :) ♥ Just let me know the numbers you've chosen, which driver(s) you want it to be about & if you want fluff or smut (or both) & I'll try to write it asap💕 (im open to write a lot of types of pairing, like f.e. f!reader, m!reader, driver x driver or maybe even a threesome or foursome, whatever you like)
♥which drivers can you request? lando norris, oscar piastri, daniel ricciardo, carlos sainz, charles leclerc, alex albon, george russell, pierre gasly, oliver bearman, franco colapinto, max verstappen, liam lawson, kimi antonelli, jack doohan
⬇️ Down here you can find a list with either fluff, smut, angsty prompts out of which you can choose (feel free to combine)
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PROMPTLIST (smut&fluff)
"use my thigh"
"if you wanted to see me naked this bad, all you had to do was ask"
"like what you see?"
"don't be shy, touch me"
"keep your eyes on me, love"
"Can you be good for me?" 
"It's so hot when you talk like that." 
"if you keep looking at me like that, we won't make it to the bedroom"
"but what about the cameras?" - "they can't see us from this angle, if you stay still"
"you look su fucking hot right now"
"you have no idea what you do to me"
"do you wish it was *name* touching you right now?"
"you’re fucking soaked"
"Care to join me?"
"Do you like it when I talk like that?" 
“touch yourself, i want to watch"
"you can practice on me"
"fucking hell, if I knew you were this good, I would have gotten you on your knees earlier"
"Do you have any idea how many times I thought about you.. with my hand down my pants.."
"let them know you're mine"
"you want me, don't you?"
"don't make me say it"
"I..uh.." - "I have never done this before"
"We can take things slow if you want?"
"We don't have to have a label, if you don't want to"
"i didn't realize I was in love with you until it was too late to stop"
"okay, maybe I have a crush on you! So what?" 
"we shouldn't do this"
"Leave me alone." - "Don't say things you don't mean" 
"i don’t want anyone else."
"what does this make us?"
"Do you really think it’s so crazy to feel that way about me?"
"nobody can know about this, okay?"
"I think about you all the time."
"Are you blushing?! That’s adorable."
"you're so cute"
"So.. this is the part where we kiss, right?"
"I never thought you'd feel the same?"
"Did you just kiss me to shut me up?"
"I don’t want him/her. I want you."
"is that my shirt/hoodie/jacket?"
"My eyes are up here, babygirl:
"Jealous? Me? Pff.. absolutely not" - "Okay.. fine.. I am jealous. Happy now?"
"I'm not jealous, it's just that you belong to me"
"God, I am so in love with you"
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that"
"But.. I thought you said you didn't feel the same"
"For my sanity, i think we should start dating"
"Do you even need to ask?"
"I don't think I can explain it either, but yeah. Yeah, I do."
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masterlist
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Does anyone else get scared of their minds sometimes because lately I’ve been scared of how little I care about myself and what happens to me because I feel so hideous and unimportant and broken and just ugly and I know that’s not good and I don’t know how not to feel it right now. It’s scaring me how deep I am in this pit of self hatred and sorrow. Like my own mind is scaring the hell out of me
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spielzeugkaiser · 1 year
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I love your art soooo much-it gives me life!! 🥰🥰🥰
I have a question about Milek and Jaskier! Milek says they fought before Jask went missing-what did they fight about? Did Milek say something he shouldn’t have? 👀😢 is there ANGST?
Also does Geralt know Mileks plush friend is called Roach? Because surely that’s a clue that Milek is his…(I love this universe so much)!!🥹❤️❤️❤️
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[MASTERPOST] That was the last conversation they had before Milek stormed out - and when he came back, Jaskier was. gone. The thing is, Jaskier knows what Milek is interested in (and he is not even wrong about that, Milek has an interest in medicine, and helping people, and I think when they met he was Shanis biggest fan) and I think Jaskier is aware that some of the conflict does have its roots in Milek not wanting to leave him, even if they get really heated and ugly in their arguments. Milek shouldn't feel like he has to care for him, or have to protect him and at times I think Jaskier feels quite ashamed, which leads him to being way too unrelenting at times - especially if he thinks he's doing something to protect Milek.
#jaskier#the witcher#geraskier lovechild#artists on tumblr#omegaverse#I think if they argue Milek is saying stuff he shouldn't all the time#I think for Milek the part that makes him feel really bad is that he KNOWS that Jaskier would always choose having him again and again#because he KNOWS that he loves him more than anything else#but he still implied that he doesn't know - and he knows what he said was cruel#but he also !! is so angry#because Jaskier always treats him like he knows what's best for him and. let it be true - it still makes him FURIOUS#he isn't a little kid anymore#and he wants to HELP he loves his father and he knows that Jaskier gives and gives and gives especially when it comes to him#he doesn't need a fancy education in an academy where he'll be just the bastard kid again#he just needs a Pa who doesn't absolutely run himself to the ground#and I think he finally wants to meet Geralt too#also I'm trying to do a thing here which I think shows how secure their relationship truly is#because Geralt sees Milek as a quite sensible (if sometimes a bit hotheaded) young man - who is quite mature for his age#which he CAN be#but Geralt is also basically a stranger even if Milek knows he's his dad - and he tries to impress him naturally - ofc he wants to be liked#with Jaskier? who has his one true emotionally secure relationship with?#moody teenanger - but also allowing himself to be childish at times - crying shouting teasing - exploding sometimes#because he never ever had to question their relationship once#he can just let loose
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lgbtiwtv · 2 years
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one of my favorite hobbies is in fact making fun of lestat because let’s be honest he does deserve it 99% of the time but then i start rereading tvl and suddenly I’m like….man he really went through so much, huh? he was really traumatized and taken advantage of over and over by both strangers and people he loved….like man he really was stalked, kidnapped, and forcefully made into a vampire against his will….he faced years of abuse from his father and brothers…..he witnessed the death of his only lover and before that his resentment and eventual madness….he really cries every other page and has 10 existential crises before he even becomes a vampire but he wants to be good he wants to be happy he tried to run away to the church he tried to run away with the theatre troupe he just wanted to act and love and be loved and at every turn he was done wrong and hurt and abandoned and nobody ever really helped him and I—
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spookythesillyfella · 5 months
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" Losing battle of loss "
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street-corner-felines · 2 months
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Zero Day (2002)
#movies film cinema#zero day#ben coccio#I actually talked to the director on Facebook super nice guy and he told#me a lot about the filmmaking process and even helped me with tips on directing non-actors and new actors#I remember him telling me to always be supportive and tell your new actors they're doing a good job even if they aren't in the first take#cause you can instill confidence and still reshape and change their choices and mistakes later#Sometimes I'd message him for advice when I was running into problems on some of my early projects#he told me once ''did ya choose to collaborate with this actor cause you were lonely or you guys had passion and chemistry''#“collaborating is like a relationship” and he was so right#there's nothing worse than working with people you disdain cause there's no communication and no trust.#he told me how he wrote the first couple of drafts of Place Beyond the Pines but his take on the 3rd act wasn't clicking for the director#so he took the script and went and had another writer rewrite the 3rd act but he liked the process cause he learned a lot and still got pai#but I'd still like to see Ben Coccio's take on Place Beyond The Pines he says the 1st and 2nd act are mostly unchanged#Ryan Gosling's scenes are still mostly the same he said but he couldn't tell me too much cause of the NDA he signed#The bloopers of Zero Day are hilarious his tip he gave me about being supportive#“This is actually great but can we-” and Cal interrupts him “He says that no matter what if you're doing good or bad!” and everyone lols#I hope I can make it and ask him to collab with me on a script#He's such a nice dude compared to the harrowing film he made.#I wish there was BTS but he had only one tape to film on and this was made when digital camcorders were infants#I think he had only one 2 hour tape that's how low budget#The bloopers is just Cal or Andre secretly filming and Ben getting annoyed “Is it recording?” and Cal going “Nah..."#Cal is such a funny guy IRL I wanna see him act more cause he's so good. He was so great at playing a sadistic psychopath in this.#the final shooting is so harrowing and disturbing#I told Ben he srsly gut punched me/disturbed me and this is what made him really open up.
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lesbiansanemi · 3 months
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Google how to make peace with the fact that you will always be vaguely to extremely uncomfortable (depending on the day) with your body and how others perceive it until the day you die and nothing you do will ever change that
#I almost wish I was much more masc leaning than I am#so the answer would just simply be ‘go on t’#I keep seeing so many posts that are like hrt is good! this is your sign to go on hrt if you’ve ever wanted to!#GOD I wish I were that simple#(those aren’t bad posts that’s not the point they’re just not applicable to me and seeing the sentiment makes me sad and a bit frustrated)#(cuz for me it’s not that easy)#like are there some things T would do to my body that I would like?#yes absolutely. I would LOVE a deeper voice and fat redistribution#but like. that’s it#I would not want it to do anything else#in fact that idea of anything else and potentially ‘passing’ as a man makes me VISCERALLY uncomfortable#I do not want to be a man and I do not want ppl to perceive me as a man#but the same is true for being a woman#I do not like a lot of feminine traits but I do not want to strictly trade them for masculine ones#UNFORTINATELY you cannot pick and choose the affects of hrt#there is no way to ‘look androgynous’ (which is what I want)#(yes ik you can use shapewear and makeup and contour and that can do SOME)#(but it’s A LOT of work and effort I don’t have time or energy to do every day)#(and there’s still some things about my body I wouldn’t be able to alter doing stuff like that)#and it’s like sure I could go on T. but I’d still have this problem just the opposite direction#and it. sucks#it sucks so hard knowing there’s literally no conceivable way I will ever just have a body#that correlates to how I feel gender wise and will get people to ‘gender me correctly’#just based on how I look#and it’s something I’ve been thinking about recently a lot and it’s making me FHDJDKKSSKKSKS in a bad way#I know it’s cuz it’s pride month and I follow A LOT of trans ppl#who are posting trans pride and hrt and surgery info and stuff#(and obviously these are all very good things as I said)#it’s just. because of my particular situation they make me feel… bad#because I won’t ever have an option to be comfortable and happy with how I look lol
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vaugarde · 6 months
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may I suggest appletun or toedscruel for the guild second in command character... idk why I just feel like those two fit the character description you gave. also I want to see the funny silly fungi in pmd stories LMAO
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hold on.... you may be on to something with toedscruel
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quietwingsinthesky · 6 months
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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river#means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep#one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named#melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come#here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do#anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river#knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to#choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel#in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the#and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask#doctor who#river song#amy pond#rory williams
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