#how are we going to make it better so that we don't have to deal with thsi stuff

[dancingspirals]

There's also some things we do to help feel (ever so slightly) more comfortable that I don't know if it gets shared. If this is your first time dealing with heat + humidity that leads to your sweat no longer evaporating, let me tell you about swamp ass. Actually, you maybe already are experiencing this, but the name is pretty damned descriptive if you've been blessed with non-swampy nethers:

Change your underwear twice a day. This will help you feel so much less gross. Make sure it's cotton and not polyester. You need your junk to air out as much as possible. Go full heat pro and wash your junk with soap and water, then sit naked in front of the box fan until it's all as dry as you can get it before you put on your change of underwear. Do NOT wear thongs. Dear god, no. You have no idea how much ass-sweat those things are gonna soak up and you've got enough going on down there with 70%+ humidity and 95 (35C) degrees.

If it keeps you cool it ain't trashy. When home alone, we are wearing so little. So very little. Wear as much cotton and linen and breathable fabric as you can. Stay in front of the fan.

If you can afford a dehumidifier, it helps SO MUCH.

It will take forever to dry off after a shower. You just don't get dry and it turns immediately to sweat. This is where many box fans come into play. They at least move the hot air around enough to help dry yourself.

box fans box fans box fans they are cheap and they help a lot for keeping the air circulating. Even if it's just pushing around hot air, it feels better than still air.

Drink so much water. This is obvious. There's a reason why iced tea is so popular here.

If the worst happens and despite your best efforts, swamp ass has set in: Get as clean as possible, sit in front of a fan to dry it all out, then use DIAPER RASH CREAM. Treat your butt like a baby's butt and it will help. This also helps if you've gotten sweaty boob rash. If you think being a cis dude prevents sweaty boob rash, no. Anywhere your skin creases is at risk, so unless you've got a super flat chest, you too can be afflicted.

The rain will not save you. You think it'll cool things off. No. You may see rain clouds coming and think 'ah, a break from the heat!' but that is the devil talking. It cools things down just enough to throw you off when the full heat returns an hour later, now with more humidity and no wind. I am convinced the southern habit of going out on the porch to watch for tornadoes is because it is the one time we can catch a goddamned breeze for long. Also the heat makes you crazy.

Edited to add: trim your body hair. If Welcome to the Jungle plays when you drop your drawers, trim it. It will help keep you a little cooler. Trim your underarm hair. Get an undercut or thin out your hair if you've got thick hair. Keep your hair up off your neck if you can.

Hey man, ahead of this heatwave I'm gonna go ahead and rip the veil off of something for you:

The reason American Southerners have the luxury of saying that 90 ain't that bad and it's not unbearable until it's 100 is 1) prolonged exposure to high temperatures over multiple decades 2) our mindset for these living conditions.

You don't have number 1, and you can't just acquire it, so I need you to adopt number 2 immediately. How do you live like a Southerner in the heat?

Don't be a hero.

Stay inside. Buy a box fan, put it next to a bucket of ice, and wrap your arms around it like a lover. Do not leave the shade under any circumstances. If a dude makes fun of you for getting out of the sun, don't get mad, just think of a funnier insult to call him while you flip him off and go stand under a tree.

Southerners love nothing more than to exaggerate and lie to each other. Like I think we got off on the wrong foot when you walked in on us saying things like "It was only 110, I didn't even take my damn jacket off" when really, last week it was 95 at 10 PM and we were on the bed buck nekkid in front of the fan moaning incoherently and praying to die. So yeah, we can take extreme heat. We also want you to think we can take ludicrous heat. You must learn to talk shit and then be a hypocrite and a coward in your actions, because this will serve you best.

It sounds like I am joking but I cannot express to you how much I am not. Do not fuck with Mother Nature, because that bitch will kill you. Take every opportunity to lower your body temperature and drink water, because that is what all of us in hot climates are doing all the time, and that is why we are not dead, even when it seems like we should be.

(And yeah, we do go through like two and a half ugly weeks in April every year where everyone wants to absolutely just goddamn drop dead because none of us have our heat tolerance back, but we must go to work anyway, which must be a crime. And yes, when it gets below 70 we really all do short circuit and cover ourselves in seven jackets, except for Shorts Guy.)

[6riix]

Its a classic but couldyou write fem! reader with dazai, ranpo, chuuya, juono, and tetchou when you wear their clothes plz? This prompt never gets old

Okay ill get out of your hair now lol :’)

Hhhh this is probably one of the only prompt where I don't have to stare at my tab for 26 minutes before finally writing a line 😭

This report contains: fluff, enough of it to fill 42.3 pillows. Some established relationships (yes WE are married to Chuuya twin) , situationships, cussing (not in dialogue), crack, you know— the usual deal.

Also this is likely gonna be divided into 4 seperate posts to make sure you guys at least get some crumbs in this fic drought

,! Dazai ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳

Oftentimes, you and Dazai would be home at around the same time unless there were any emergencies, or if one of you two went into overtime. Surprisingly, both of these hypothetical situations where exactly the case today.

Dazai was out on a case, and you had to get home much earlier than usual as your office building apparently had some emergencies, of which you didn't know the specific details. It often wouldn't have been considered too much of a situation in other organizations, but the manager in charge insisted upon the leave. Not that you complained, in fact— you were quite thankful for her decision as work had been getting quite tiring these days. You'd have to get her a gift for her consideration soon, since it was also going to be her one year anniversary of working there.

Walking home, it had started to rain heavily, it seemed a thunderstorm was going to come up soon as well. Reaching into your bag, in search of an umbrella, you kept your pace. It was to your utter misfortune, that as you looked inside trying to grasp the missing umbrella, you remembered how you had forgotten it at home in the stand, being in a rush to get to work so your coworker wouldn't scold you for your tardiness again today.

What luck you had, getting half the day off just to go home soaking wet with rainwater. Were your clothes even dry yet? You don't remember putting them in the dryer, maybe they were still wet. You'd likely just have to wear whatever mildly comfortable clothes you could find, maybe Dazai's ones since he was sharing an apartment with you.

---

After getting home and drying yourself with a soft towel, you looked through your own closet first to check if you did have any clothes you could wear, but your search was in vain as the only clothes you found were your fancier outfits and a pair of jeans, and there was absolutely no way you were gonna wear jeans at home. Pushing the closet door shut, you went over to see if Dazai's selection was any better. Sometimes it felt strange that his clothes were stored in a large plastic box, the kind that could be used to move around cargo (For measurements, it's about 55 × 30 inches). Upon opening it, you found multiple rolls of bandages, not a huge surprise, but after a bit of light shuffling, you had found a pale bluish lavender long sleeve, that had the soft half cotton, half something you didn't know fabric looser at the sleeves and the hem, pooling it a bit creating a cozy, puffy look for the top. Right beneath it, you found a pair of pastel blue sweatpants, just what you needed. Slipping them on, you went with what you would usually do on a day alike to the current one, , finishing up a few chores, making some instant ramen for the show you were watching, that sort of stuff.

Eventually, it had gotten late enough for you to make some dinner, a bit of ramen as per usual, just with more condiments (in instant ramen we trust) . You debated leaving some for Dazai, considering whether he would want to eat it or not. While at first you were hesitant, you ended up leaving some for him anyways. It could be considered as a thank you for the clothes you had borrowed for a bit.

After eating up your dinner, (which btw, was absolutely delicious), you had decided to try your hand at the more sane sleep schedule and headed to bed, crashing down upon the futon on the floor. Sleep was slow, but you had managed to drift into it within what felt like twenty minutes, quite the record.

---

It had been around 1:47AM when dazai returned from his case, one that had gone slightly sideways but ended up alright at the end of the day. Walking into the apartment's cramped entry, long arms raised themselves upwards in a stretch to ease the very muscles that allowed them to move (no dazai is not buff I just like biology class). His eyes traveled to the shoe rack where your footwear would be, often sprawled in one spot, with one shoe tilted around eighty degrees from its proper, aligned spot. Today however, that didn't seem to be the case—rather, the exact opposite; your shoes were neatly placed, which was a rather rare situation based off how you'd usually be too tired to set them down properly (something he would tease you about, while also doing it himself, That hypocrite.)

Light, unheard footsteps echoed towards the room you resided in, knowing of the fact you were likely sleeping upon your futon, hair messily scattered upon the pillow from your constant tossing and turning (DON'T LIE I KNOW YOU DO THAT TOO). What exceeded his expectations however, was the sight he saw when he pulled the door ajar to peek his head in and check upon you. Rather than your usual clothes which you wore to sleep happily, the set which was most probably wet from the wash, he found you asleep in his clothes—truly a sight to behold. They were a bit too big for you, with your collarbones (collarbones give me boners man) out due to the collar not fitting too well, and the drawstrings on the pants being pulled too tight to ensure they won't loosen at any point.

The sight somewhat warmed his heart, it was quite cute you had to admit. And above all, it was you in his clothes. The very sight made him want to just smother you with kisses and hugs, to hold your sleeping frame in his arms. Yet he couldn't do all that without somehow managing to wake you up, so he only pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before heading off to get ready for bed, or in other words— plan to tease you about all day tomorrow.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ֶָ֢Chuuya.//

It was pretty much clear that after the tiring day of work you had, full of meetings and sudden last minute decisions not a single person could find the logic behind, you were absolutely tired out of your mind. Taking the taxi to your penthouse (for your driver had gotten explosive diarrhea and a huge family scandal within the same week, resulting in him having to quit), your glare could pierce through even the most bitter warriors to have ever been deployed on the battlefield, reducing them to a concerned heap of self consciousness and confusion. Yes, you could have just asked your husband to drive you home, but you'd prefer not to disturb him in his work hours. After all, disturbance was the very cause of your mood at the moment.

Time seemed to fly by as you gazed out the taxi window, more so zoning out into your own little world of thoughts rather than staring at the scenery outside. You hadn't noticed the traffic, or the fact that you were in your street already, so when you were notified by the driver about the payment, you quickly snapped out of the little world you were in, giving him his set payment then excusing yourself to leave and go back into your apartment.

Of the many misfortunes that had occurred specially for you, the heavy rainfall paired with your most comfortable pair of pyjamas, which so happened to be air drying outside, had seemed to be the greatest one of them all. Reaching to grab the darkened set, your hands met soggy, sopping wet and cool fabric, filling you with dread, for all the other clothes you had were still dripping wet as well.

With no other clothes to wear which would be comfortable enough to let you sleep, you chose to head over to walk over to the backup closet; chuuyas's wardrobe. Upon opening, stacks of hats and suits stared right at you.. Yep, definitely not the right clothes. Reaching down, you opened another section of the closet, which revealed exactly what you needed—those cute pyjamas Chuuya pretended he hated to wear. The soft, baby blue cotton material, printed with little flowers every four centimeters—that was just what you were gonna wear tonight. Quickly scooping the set up in your arms, you headed over to the washroom, where you would soak in your well deserved bath, and maybe use those cute little sanrio bath bombs you had once received.

——

Chuuya didn't take too long to return home from work that day, comparatively speaking. That didn't mean he wasn't stressed however, instead it probably indicated the opposite; some wild shit had went down at the mafia and he had to return early. If one were to stand near an area which his bike would cross, they could probably feel the frustration rolling off him like tendrils of coiling smoke. In a more declarative manner, he was pissed—extremely so.

He was a brewing mixture of tired, mad and stressed by the time he managed to park his bike and get into his apartment, with a storm of thoughts, business plans, scandals and organization wars raging on inside his mind— so much so that he didn't notice your change of outfit at first when you opened the door. However, a few seconds later, it had caught up to him—the oddity of your appearance. Upon closer look, (no joke my guy had to squint for ts) he had come to some sort of conclusion;

"Are those my pyjamas?" He dropped casually, turning his head to look at you.

You nodded in response, confirming his theory. He took off his hat into his hands, before turning his head around to look at you.

"You know, my clothes really do suit you well." He commented, with a slight curve of his lips (akin to a smile but with the cockiness of a smirk), before heading to the bedroom to change.

Maybe it was that very smile that had made your cheeks feel a bit warmer than usual.

HOLY SHIIITTT I PROCRASTINATED WAY TOO MUCH ON THIS OML. uh anyways, next parts gonna be jouno n ranpo so stay tuned ig? Sorry for the wait I didnt really have the energy to open Tumblr for the past few weeks and honestly I faced a whole wall of writers block and just—sftyfryhcrujsryudarcfvasadrfffffgrtyg

See you all around soon, and as always, stay tuned!!

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Seeing the new trend of folks complaining about psychiatry I would like to complain about something tangentially related:

Every time you try to discuss your negative experiences with psychiatry or medicine as a whole people (leftists!! Not liberals, actual leftists, anarchists and socialists, who should have your back!!) call you anti-science and anti-progress. They say things like "mental health should be important" "we all should go to therapy it's good for you" "remember to take your meds your doctor knows better than you" and it's like. Of course you think that! You don't deal with the sorts of conditions that get the cops called on you and stripped of your basic human rights. Are you even listening? Or do you just want us out of the way because the way we behave isn't palatable to you? Because people like us have no place in your utopia?

When you are a medicalized individual, your opinion is immediately dismissed unless it lines up with what the establishment already believes, that our existence is a problem to solve and that we should submit ourselves to horrible treatments to "fix us" instead of recognizing our autonomy as individuals. I'm talking people who are prison abolitionist that think restorative justice looks like increasing the budget to mental institutions without knowledge of the historical and present purpose of such institutions and its ties to the criminal justice system. It drives me insane how much blind fate folks have on medicine, to the point any reasonable, necessary questioning about methodology and purpose of research and treatment gets swept under the rug.

Because when you are an insane person, it's not worth listening to you. Because you are paranoid or delusional and all you say is nonsense. It's so fucking isolating, to try to bring about change, and the people who agree with you on *literally everything else* won't back you up on the issue that is most important to you.

I don't know where I'm going with this I just needed to share that

I feel this so hard. The way the leftism leaves people's bodies when you question anything about psychiatry honestly terrifies me. It's scary when even the people who claim to dream of a socialist future clearly still dream of a future where they don't have to deal with let alone actually include disabled and mentally ill people. They might hope to eradicate us in a "progressive" way, but they sure don't plan on making room for us inside their community.

[xxfangirl365xx]

just some thoughts on "MAMA" given the new lore he have (just random lol)

to be honest, I feel Mama might be the MOST inportant song going with the lore...It was one of the more theatrical songs from the show. The new lyrics,Maryanne,the computers in the background,the "child" G had...idk all of it was CRAZY (in the best way)

In my opinion mama has always felt like a desperate cry. Ik it's kinda like mother war and not an actual "mother" but I cannot help but think it's half mother war and half a fictional mother. (if that makes sense)

as we know the black parade has some pretty deep routed war themes and this new lore is making them even stronger. a son writing a letter home to their mother to explain how they will not get into heaven due to the horrible deeds they have committed and how ashamed they are of them.

With the new lore it almost feels as if G is also talking about the horrible deeds they have committed (maybe even guilt for the "election" they hosted earlier)

"mama were all gonna die" because they are now aware of their governments wrong doings and is coming out of the fog to realize this, that the dictator is taking innocent people out, and they are prob next.

it's almost like a final letter "mom, I'm not coming home, this is the end of the line. You don't need to know why but This is it."

and the "when we go don't blame us! we'll let the fire just bathe us! you made us oh so famous"

didn't the black parade "die" in a fire?

saying "it's not us. we did not die by something we did, someone else had a hand in it, but hey, at least we went out famous"

"mama we're all full of lies" that's a given. They were lied to and lied themselves about this whole ordeal

"and right now their building a coffin your size." it's almost like a "they got me, they r gonna come for you next by association from me"

"well mother what the war did to my legs and to my tongue"

this line has always stuck me as like they were injured in the war and the "tongue" reminds me of things like from the bible of "don't let your tongue speak evil" type of things yk?

so basically like "the war rly messed me up"

"you should have raised a baby girl, I should have been a better son"

regrets from both sides.

"mama" saying "if I had a baby girl, they would not have had to go to war and this would have never happened"

G/the parader saying "I should have been a better son for you!" like regrets of things not done

"she said you aint no son of mine! for what you've done, their gonna find, a place for you and just you mind you manners when you go"

she's mad, prob more of a guilt/grief mad that her son has turned into something "evil" or "wicked" from the war (idk if that makes sense but yk?) like she's horrified and angry at the things he has done. ashamed.

but the mind your manners thing I RLY like just angry but still being a mother like "how could you!" and "behave wherever they take you!"

ALSO

it could be the mother falling for the propaganda herself yk? like she reads the letter is is like "well maybe he deserves this! If he was doing something against orders. "they r gonna find a place for you for what you've done!" almost like "you deserve to be taken away for (whatever tha case may be)

"dont return to me my love"

like "don't ever come back! I don't want to see you again" kinda deal

"it's rly quite pleasant except for the smell"

the MOAT perhaps? He knows they r gonna go back to the MOAT or be killed

maybe trying to comfort her like "hey it smells but...it's not that bad mom"

then it turns into the rly "angry part" where he's just screaming "mama!"

"and if you would call me your sweetheart, I'd maybe than sing you a song" the mom is like reminiscing on how when they were little she would sing to them (maybe idk too much here)

and then G retaliate with the "but the shirt that I've done with this fuck of a gun you would cry out your eyes all along!" like "you shouldn't actually see me now. You would be horrified to see me and know what I've done

further pushing away his mother

this is rly interesting to me

"were damned after all! through fortune and flame we fall!"

again giving the black parade was famous,had status and then "died" in the fire to hide the fact they were in the moat

"and if you can say that I'll show you the way to return from the ashes you call"

again, they didn't actually die so "rise from the ashes" they were alive and rose back to some form of power as the black parade.

"we all carry on! when our brothers in arms are gone! so raise your glass high for tomorrow we die and return from the ashes you call"

again. this ties in a lot of recent lore for me.

The war theme. Now we know danger days and Black parade are more connected I am pretty sure revenge is tied in more. Mikey's medal for "dying" Ray has a red sash for being a medic...

and raise your glass high

ghost of you MV where they r at the bar...before the fight...where Mikey dies

they quite literally have a toast...raising their glasses high

at the end of mama u hear the mother crying. realizing the fate of her child.

I really strongly believe...somehow..

the universe where DRAAG is, is where people who maybe have died already go. That would explain the military themes and why the org.lore for black parade was they r where the patient goes when he dies.Maybe like a middle ground, not heaven,not hell.

they all died in the war, then took the role of having a band (which they did in ghost of you) and became the black parade.

long story short. This song connects revenge to black parade. Which then also connects it to the current lore we have.

idk if this makes ANY sense at all chat I'm gonna be SO real with you haha.

Let me know what u think :D

[morlock-holmes]

I feel like a lot of Trump supporters (Including many voters and pretty much literally everybody in his actual cabinet) don't really have politics in the way that you or I would think of them.

I think they are people with a number of grudges (Some legitimate, some not), an incredibly shaky and surface level understanding of how anything in society actually works, and a bottomless appetite for good vs. evil stories where they get to imagine themselves as Neo in the Matrix, some bad ass underdog who's finally going to expose the corrupt bosses who have been keeping everybody else down.

And I think their policy ideas at any given time are therefore: Whatever policy idea lets me think of myself as the bad-ass but morally pure underdog finally winning one for the little guy against the scum who have been keeping us down for too long!

Like... The National Guardsmen and Military in LA clearly just clearly don't have a mission the way you or I would think of it, with some kind of concrete goal rooted in objective reality. Their mission, I think, is to be extras in the story where the brave and stoic Donald Trump finally put a stop to the Death Wish-esque anarchy which had been gripping LA.

And in order to accomplish that all that has to happen is that they're physically in LA and the crazy evil Democrats are complaining because somebody is finally doing what needs to be done and putting them in their place. So it doesn't matter that in actual practice they're sleeping on courthouse floors and just sort of... aimlessly milling around wasting their time and our tax dollars.

Or like, the head of a DOJ anti-semitism task force retweeting something from the founder of Identity Evropa.

Like... If the Trump administration are committed Jew haters they could just, like, not have an anti-semitism task force. What, are we going to say that Trump was pressured into it? That the Department of Education isn't a big deal, but god forbid the DOJ task force goes away?

And if the guy is supposed to be an undercover anti-semite then, like, he sure fucking blew his cover.

And anybody who is actually interested in fighting anti-semitism would fucking know what Identity Evropa is and not laugh at jokes about Trump revoking people's Jew card.

Like, you reading this and me writing it start with some kind of idea of what racism is. Maybe it's "prejudice plus power" or just "The expression of a prejudice based on race." and when we see something happen we check it against the definition. We ask questions like,

Was that an example of prejudice plus power?

or

What evidence do we have that this was an expression of prejudice rather than a coincidence?

And this can become incredibly Procrustean but I don't think Trump's lackeys even get that far.

I think that for them the definition of anti-semitism is "The left are the real anti-semites but they use it as a cudgel against the right". And so when they see a tweet or a claim they evaluate it based on whether it fits the story that the left are the real anti-semites.

And if the thing they're evaluating is coming from a literal holocaust denier that doesn't matter, because that has nothing to do with anti-semitism, that's how fucking far gone they are.

I really think this is kind of the only way to even vaguely make sense of their actions.

It's also why a lot of them used to have like, vaguely Occupy Wall Street or granola hippie politics: Because for a while far left politics let them imagine themselves as the bad-ass underdog sticking it to The Man, and when leftist rhetoric and fashion changed enough that it no longer worked to burnish their self-image that way, they found a new ideology which did a better job at it.

In fact I think the general haze of inconsistency around Trump is part of the appeal; if standards get too objective then those standards might eventually actually be used to judge them as something other than the heroic underdog, they might be measured and found wanting. But if there's no consistent or objective standard of measurement, that's way less likely to happen.

Well, that's my theory anyway.

[curated-hdg]

Freedom's Ember by Kanagen (and also the whole Tillsandia Trilogy, because why not)

Released: March 2025

115k words; complete

Noteworthy Tags: Philosophy, What even is Freedom?

Trish survived Solstice. She survived the prison, the revolution, the long winter, and most important of all, she survived the Affini. So many others were taken, domesticated, made into nothing more than pets for humanity's new overlords, but Trish escaped that fate. Entrusted with a plan to keep the last embers of humanity's freedom alive, she labored for decades to make those plans a reality — but now the past is catching up with her, in more ways than one. Haven did not choose to be a scion of the hyper-wealthy elite, nor did she choose a father obsessed with his own progeny, and she certainly didn't choose to inherit his genetic legacy. Cast adrift on the tides of time by her father's cryogenic Hail-Mary attempt to evade the Affini, she awakens in a future dominated and defined by the Compact, where the only humans left who remember how things used to be are her now-elderly peers. Having spent her entire life wishing she had the courage to end everything, now she's faced with a new beginning, whether she wants it or not.

So I had a lot of spare time with no internet access today, and decided on a whim to start on Freedom's Ember. I then proceeded to devour the entire story, word by word, over the following 6 hours. IT'S A GOOD ONE.

Look, have I spoken at any length about the Tillsandia trilogy? I don't remember, which means it's definitely been long enough since doing so that it's worth spending a moment recapping.

(Incredible art by @hdgprom )

No Gods No Masters is broadly considered the philosophical heart of Human Domestication Guide, one of the most beloved and influential works within the entire setting. It examines how leftist and anarchist thought would handle the affini, it explores and elaborates on the imperialism of the Affini Compact, it features a monster dinosaur 'fini chasing a jeep up a cliff. It fuckin' slaps. I am not aware of anyone who enjoys any part of HDG as a setting and doesn't love this story, to the point that it felt redundant to even bring it up here. But I just finished Freedom's Ember and feel like gushing. Absolutely a foundational work in creating what Human Domestication Guide is, years later.

If you haven't read No Gods No Masters, fix that.

Then read The Floret in the Mirror.

The Floret in the Mirror is Kanagen's treatise on digital life in the Compact, and its influence on what life as a digitized sophont could look like is unmistakably stamped on the setting in no small part because it's goddamn fucking incredible. It's blisteringly hot, pushing the concept of eroticism into entirely new realms. Nearly everyone who's read The Floret in the Mirror, myself included, has come away from it thinking "I didn't know it was possible to be horny about that!". Like, this line will probably mean nothing to you without context, but uh... It goes so fucking hard.

J-355 was a good form.

It's one of those truly iconic snippets, up there with "Please Tell Me That's My Skin" and "You're A Pet, Not A Person", and when you read this story, you will understand why. I also think it's directly to blame for the rise of knolling in the HDG fandom, and for that I must salute it.

So we come to Freedom's Ember. What can I even say about Freedom's Ember?

Well, for one thing, it's a very sharp story. One of the defining traits of one of our main characters is constant intrusive suicidal thoughts; our second main character is about as feral as it's possible to be after so many years in the compact. It's also beautiful, in that very typical way of Kanagen's stories. Every single affini who asserts that they care proves it. They go so far to prove it. The story deals with themes of freedom, of loss of self, of learning to love oneself after life has convinced you you'd be better off dead, and just... stars. We also get to see how all our friends from No Gods, No Masters are getting on 60 years later, and that's also wonderful.

It's hard to even know where to start, mere hours after reading it. It is a powerful and frank exploration as to what freedom means within the context of the setting, a gorgeous demonstration of just how much the affini care, and to what lengths they'll go, and... I can't even hint at some of the incredible shit that happens here, but I will say that it features possibly the cruelest thing an affini has ever done to a xenosophont.

Oh oh oh the best part? GRANNY'S STILL FUCKIN' THAT DINOSAUR! 50 FILTHY YEARS, LET'S GO!

The Tillsandia trilogy is a full-blown masterpiece on every conceivable level. Freedom's Ember is incredible.

[crippleprophet]

Hey, I’m really sorry if this isnt the right place to ask, but how can you tell the difference between Being Disabled, and just having a lower tolerance for life in general. Because right now, I feel nauseous, exhausted and in pain most days, and it hurts to walk, but I am still physically able to, I walk, and I even hike somedays. I’ve been tested for arthritis and they’ve done CBCs and BMPs and even an ANA screen and nothing is really out of the ordinary. Yet on a normal basis, I feel that I feel worse than the average person. But how do you differentiate that from The Human Condition, yknow? I know youre not a health authority but I would love your insight, I feel like I’m going insane. Thank you

i'm so sorry you're dealing with all this emotional questioning & distress on top of your physical symptoms 🖤💓 a lot of this reminded me of wrestling that i was doing when i started reckoning with the fact that my mobility impairment wasn't gonna get better & would likely get worse – that was like 2018, when i was 19, so while navigating an ableist society is never Easy & it's totally okay to feel like shit (no shame even in shame) the good news i can offer you is that while i still wrangle internalized ableism, it's been years since i've doubted my symptoms.

everybody's different so this might not all resonate with you but here are some concepts & resources that have been transformative for me! (in no particular order.) keep in mind this is shit i learned / am learning over years not overnight, i feel like a conspiracy theorist getting into all of this sometimes but i mean it with full sincerity when i say this shit saved my life. if i could offer this post to my (incredibly stubborn, incredibly self-hating) past self the case i'd make would be "okay but even if you're weak and/or faking, ignoring this isn't working, so you might as well give listening to it a shot." your mileage may vary.

1) modern medical tests are the middle of our knowledge, not the end. our western white supremacist medical system is confident in its own perfection, & always has been, no matter how full of shit it is at any given time. if you need a reminder that the field is not remotely infallible & does not have the best interests of human care at heart, look at how many hospitals (& likely your own doctors) no longer mask. we don't know anywhere remotely near every biomarker out there, & plenty of disabling conditions (hEDS, dysautonomia, small fiber neuropathy, ME/CFS, just to name a few) can't be determined by a blood test.

most diseases have seronegative forms (which we also don't know the full extent of due to ableism + misogyny), & doctors love to classify "looks like the same exact disease but seronegative" as a Different, Fake Disorder (see "non-celiac" gluten intolerance, hypermobility spectrum disorder "vs" hEDS, nonradiographic AxSpa vs AS in the way many doctors discuss/treat them)

nitpick here (& please know any fury i can't keep from my tone is directed at the society & individuals who made you feel this way, not at all at you) but an ANA screen should not be "even," that should not be a last resort, in places with the resources that should be part of a standard first-round rheumatology bloodwork panel, from a rheum or a PCP. if your doctor said or implied an ANA test was excessive or "reaching" they are full of shit.

further reading: @mamoru "if a singular blood test could diagnose everything, medical school would be a hell of a lot shorter"

"Our medical system is radically unequipped, practically and conceptually, to serve patients whose tests come back normal" – this is not a problem with you, this is a massive system problem which is harming you

2) i approach the world through the social model of disability, so from my perspective, if you have "a lower tolerance for life in general," you are disabled. even if both of us were ""really"" not feeling any pain or nausea or fatigue whatsoever, even if it was all "in our heads," the task remains unachievable. the doctors telling me nothing was wrong when my undiagnosed celiac escalated to the point i could no longer eat solid foods didn't magically make my small intestine able to absorb nutrients, etc ad infinitum. even if i feel like shit for no reason, i still feel like shit, i still have the same access needs, the world is still inaccessible to me in the same ways, the same structural changes need to be made, my experiences are still marginalized.

further reading:

@librarycards "what matters isn't what "counts" but rather how, when, and with whom you choose to be counted"

dr devon price @drdemonprince "explore the possibilities and focus less on discovering objective "truth," and more on finding what helps you feel more happy, connected, and whole"

3) if you're in a living environment where this is an option i cannot overstate the impact for me of putting up affirming signs, i have some different ones about drug use / pain management positivity on my wall rn. if that's not an option maybe a phone home screen or a tumblr header or something else you'd see frequently!

4) i'm not saying you have dysautonomia but especially with the mention of nausea i super recommend checking out dysautonomia international, they have a huge wealth of free resources on research, diagnosis, management, etc & the things i tend to explore first with chronic nausea are dysautonomia & food intolerance(s)

5) if at all possible, connect with a disabled community. this could be messaging a tumblr mutual, joining a discord, volunteering at your local center for independent living, joining a student org if that's relevant, asking an acquaintance if they want to get together & talk shit over coffee outdoors, reading a shitton of books / posts / zines & communing with your crip ancestors, whatever is most accessible for you. i stopped being able to really participate in group discords when i developed ME, but my last semester of undergrad, it saved my life: i'd just decided, needed, to start using a mobility scooter, to stop walking, but i was completely undiagnosed & fucking terrified of muscle loss, that i was making the wrong decision, and my rehabilitation engineering professor wouldn't stop hammering it in. my mental health was in shreds, & having a community of disabled voices to drown out his in my head was life-giving. to feel: we are everywhere, & everywhere we are fed up. to locate myself within a vast & profound lineage rather than just being the most visibly crippled person on campus.

6) even if you don't have ME/CFS i recommend exploring pacing, it's been the single most transformative thing for getting in tune with my limits & my body's needs, & when i'm able to stay within those limits i have so much more energy & cognitive & emotional capacity

further reading:

15min rests (i usually do 20 bc of the Mythbusters Protocol lol)

if folks are interested in a spiritual side of connecting to one's body feel free to dm me for the rooting exercise a local herbalist gave me! i am actively harmed by attempting white western therapeutic interpretations of mindfulness but these energy work exercises were super accessible for me as a beginner & have been really spiritually fulfilling. similar resources are probably available online & ik there are a lot of leftist books etc about embodiment exercises i just don't have any personal recommendations off the top of my head!

7) if what you're experiencing is "just" The Human Condition, then we should restructure society so that no one is required to walk if it's painful for them, so that everyone receives compassionate comprehensive care, so that everyone is empowered to learn their body's boundaries & live within them if & when they choose

hope some of this is helpful, much love to you <333

[adventuretolkienlover]

LOL. Okay so I had this very early concept of how they met. And I don't know if I'll keep it canon, since it doesn't quite fit with some.new ideas I had. But here's what happens. Under the cut since it's long.

I imagine Blackout came across a town/village/whatever, and it was of course, Thunder Crash's hometown. At the time, she was grounded because she had taken a hit to the wing in battle, and couldn't fly. So she figured she could get the inhabitants to hand over supplies, since they didn't seem to be particularly well armed and were all much scrawnier then herself. So she SWOOPS into town, makes a BIG scary deal about it, and just before she can start threatening them into giving up any supplies...

T.C: Hey there gorgeous! :D💖

Blackout: *Looks around confused, WHO DARE ADDRESS ME IN SUCH AN UNCIVILIZED MANNER???*

T.C: Down here!

Blackout: *Looks down, sees tiny future husband* And who are you?

T.C: Name's Thunder Crash! So, what brings a beautiful woman like you here? *Leans against post, Raises eyebrows flirtingly, slips and falls on face* 💖

Background Rando 1: YOU'RE GONNA GET EATEN YOU DUMB AFT.

Background Rando 2: Easy now Dave. Don't get in the way of natural selection.

Blackout *Not listening, only thinking*: (Kidnapping one of them = Scaring them more = Them doing whatever I want to get him back = Supplies. Excellent.)

SOOOOOOO, she snatches up Thunder Crash, tells them that if they don't give up supplies, she'll take him out, and a huge army of soldiers will roll in. (Nonexistent ones ofc. Lol.) And she runs off into the mountains. While up there, she probably holes up in a cave or smth. And has T.C in a "Cell". (Smaller Cave) After Thunder Crash realizes that "NO" she did not just carry him off to go on a nice date, he insists that no one will come from him and that's fine, because they get can get to know each other better. :3 LMAO. Blackout doesn't believe him though, and thinks he's trying to trick her through flirting. So they wait. And wait. And wait.......... No one comes. :')

And TBH I only have a vague idea of what happens from here. I imagine somehow they begin talking. Maybe it even starts with Blackout interrogating him, on why no one came for him. Maybe she's suspicious and thinks they're planning an ambush? And from there she finds out about how he's not particularly liked in the village because of his clumsiness and seemingly useful skill set??? Maybe some sadness creeps into his voice and we see he's not okay actually??? Maybe he actually lands a decent pick up line and helps her get the means to fix her wing??? IDK. *THROWS UP HANDS* THEY'RE JUST DRAGGING ME ALONG IN THIS STORY. THEY GAINED SENTIENCE AND NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GONNA DO NEXT. LOL.🤣🤣🤣

Ahem, anyways... So that's it. Since it's such a a rough idea, it might be scrapped unless I can figure out how to make it work better.😅 So we'll see.¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

You are a villain who kidnapped the smart guy on your nemesis team, they tell you that nobody will come for them and that the hero doesn’t care. You didn’t believe them at first but it been a month and nobody shows up and after once again hearing them cry at night you had enough.

[bogkeep]

today was a very chill day at work (compared to this weekend which was NON STOP busy, there was a music festival in a neighbour town so there were extra many people in the area), and we made record sales last week so we all got free ice cream :3 so i decided to make the Choice of taking an ice cream break (so wise) and sit down next to other coworkers, including oslo girl (unwise) and they happened to be discussing dating............. (important note: other people present were the czech couple, who have been together for seven years and have had zero drama or Weird Heterosexualisms in my presence)

oslo girl: i don't like being mean to people, but you HAVE to be mean to men :(

me (ostensibly a transgender man): well i don't like it when people are mean to me

oslo girl: no i mean in relationships, you know?

me: no, i don't know??????? sounds fake

oslo girl: have you dated men?

me: welllllllllllll

oslo girl: you prefer women?? that's soooo much better, lucky you

me:

me, not even going to bother to explain my whole aro ace deal: i have been in relationships with various gender categories, just haven't been with a cis man Specifically

me: i think what you're talking about is some weird heteronormativity, i don't think there's anything Inherent in cis men that makes them all Like That, i think it's a cultural thing

oslo girl: noooooo there's definitely biological differences for how different genders behave

me, still ostensibly a transgender man: [turns towards the camera]

(not pictured, all the times oslo girl reassures the czech guy that he's nice and then turning towards czech girl like "BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN RIGHT???")

[fenimores-book-nook]

Feeling lonely as an aroace

~ July 14th, 2025, Monday ~

You know that crushing loneliness when you think about how none of your friends are aromantic or asexual like you and you just get in your head about being alone and feeling like you have no friends even though you know you do? It sucks, doesn't it?

Of course, it's a feeling that you could probably relate to even if you aren't aroace, but I'm talking about the aroace aspect of it specifically. It can be absolutely crushing. And I don't mean to write this whole depressing blog because I really do like writing uplifting aroace blogs, but I also like writing about the experiences of aroaces. At least, mine. (Don't worry, it'll end with an uplifting note)

I'll be honest, this feeling doesn't come around too often for me. Anymore. When I was first coming to terms about being aromantic asexual, it was a constant feeling. But now, it isn't, gladly. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean it never comes around. And lately...it has decided to make an appearance. So I'm doing something that helps me deal with it: writing about it.

I just finished Dear Wendy by Ann Zhao for the second time. To put it in simple words, it's a platonic love story between two aromantic asexual college students. It's amazing and I definitely recommend it. I love the relationship that the two main characters have: Jo and Sophie. And to be honest, I envy it. They are both aromantic asexual and found each other. They can fully relate to each other in that way and (the end of the book sort of insinuates it) if there would be a flash to the future scene, I wouldn't be surprised if it was one of them two in a QPR. (Queer Platonic Relationship) I don't have a Jo. Or a Sophie. I understand that these are two fictional characters, but it kind of hurts anyways. It hurts that I don't have anyone that can fully relate to me in that way. Not someone who is like how Jo is to Sophie or how Sophie is to Jo. It hurts.

Of course it isn't anyone's fault and I do truly love the friends and people in my life that I do have. I am truly grateful for them. Well, if you yourself are aro and/or ace, I'm sure you can understand that on some level. (and even if you aren't, it could be a mutual feeling for you as well)

We all long to be fully understood like that, don't we? The thing is, it doesn't make me sad to actually be aromantic asexual, though. Which, you know, is a great thing. Before, it made me so upset that it launched me into denying who I actually was for probably about half a year to a year. But now, I'm not sad or upset to be aroace. Sure, I feel sad about other things that may relate to that part of me in some way, but I'm still happy to be aroace.

It's a nice feeling to feel like someone's number one. The first person they go to to tell about things that happen. Good or bad. Silly or important. Not be one to come after their partner or spouse or another friend. True, I think you can have multiple "number ones." Nevertheless, it's a nice feeling. And when you don't have that...you long for it. It's like this unsettled feeling in your gut when you get wrapped up in the fact that you don't have that. And in comes the loneliness. Reminding yourself that you truly do have friends and people there for you in your life doesn't always seem to take that feeling away. So maybe you do something else to help make you feel better about it. Watch a YouTube video about being aroace, journal about the feeling to get it out in some way, or write up a blog about it to share with other people that might feel the same way. This blog helps me feel not so alone in whatever I may feel. Even if there's only one like or one share; it's out there. Someone will see it.

As repetitive it may feel to hear, this lonely feeling is not forever. It's temporary. And I know that for a solid fact, even as someone who feels it right now, because I know how it feels to not feel it too. So I know that feeling won't last forever and I hope you do too. And seriously, you are truly, 100%, not alone. The fact that you're reading this blog is proof of that. Like I said, even as someone who feels like I have no one who can truly relate to me, I know there is someone out there who does. And who knows? Maybe we'll find each other and have our own platonic love story.

It'll all end up okay.

You're not alone in whatever you may be going through.

Keep being your amazing self!

With love,

Thalia <3

[kivaember]

me dying from humid heatwave so have a little drabble of drifter releasing the future roomba on the mall bc they cant believe the hex live like this

-

"Only you can do this," Drifter said solemnly, staring deeply into the glassy, vacant optical sensors of the domestik drone. "I'm counting on you, Trash Baby."

The domestik drone, aka Trash Baby, made a buzzing humming noise, eager to get put to work and saving the day. Drifter very gently set down the hot pink domestik drone in the very centre of the mall, and watched it race off with respectful salute.

"Godspeed, soldier," they murmured. "Godspeed..."

"Aren't you being a little overdramatic," Arthur said beside them.

"You have a cockroach problem."

"It's a large, derelict mall. Of course there are going to be a few unwanted pests here and there."

Drifter slowly turned to Arthur, their expression full of Judgement. "A few."

"A few," Arthur confirmed stubbornly.

"There was a swarm of them eating a half-finished pizza yesterday," Drifter said. They did not bother hiding the utter disgust in their voice. "And there were another ten in the public toilets when I went in there this morning-"

"Well-"

"You have mould growing in the food court kitchens."

"That's-"

"And the floor is covered in dried up techrot fluids from when you guys stomp back after a mission without hosing yourselves down first."

"Alright, I admit that's-"

"And!" Drifter interrupted loudly, "Related to the last, you have a techrot infestation overtaking the potted plants near the rear fire doors!"

"...nothing a bit of fire won't fix," Arthur said a bit weakly.

"Oh, it'll be fixed, alright," Drifter swore solemnly. "Trash Baby will deal with all of it. You guys better kneel before his almighty cleaning skills and express your gratitude when he's done!"

Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes.

Really, Drifter may be a bit melodramatic, but that was just a sign of how utterly dire the situation had been. Initially, Drifter had thought, oh hey, they just rocked up at this mall! No wonder it's so dirty! Clearly they will scrub it down while establishing their headquarters!

No.

Drifter didn't know if it was because their protoframe bodies were far more robust against disease or some subconscious influence from the Infestation making them a bit less hygenic than usual to encourage infection vectors (the Infestation was surprisingly cunning in very bizarre ways), but these guys were more focused on doing missions or fucking around than actually picking up a mop or broom or at least a Sol-damn flamethrower to burn out the techrot invasion currently underway on the mall's poor peace lilies.

Weren't these guys soldiers at one point???? They made Grineer look germphobic in comparison!

"Look, you guys might be immune to things like e.coli or salmonella or black mould," Drifter said curtly. "But I am not. And while I've had many embarrassing deaths in my time, I don't want one of them to be 'shat themselves to death on the fucking toilet'. Alright?"

This actually got through Arthur's head, and he had the decency to look a bit sheepish.

"Alright, I get it." He rubbed the back of his neck with a grimace. "It's always just been something we pushed on the backburner in favour of fighting Scaldra or the techrot but... you're right. We can't be living in filth."

"Damn straight. Not even I was this slovenly when I was on the run."

Arthur gave them a very pointed once over. "Your cloak looks like a potato sack."

"A clean potato sack!" Drifter snapped, and pulled the very worn and stained but clean fabric taut. "See? Look! These are old stains, not fresh ones! As if I'd run around in dirty clothing all the time, that's so disgusting!"

"Huh. Never would've pegged you as a clean freak."

"You have to be one when living on a colony ship," Drifter huffed, letting their cloak go. "Every day we have to sanitise the living quarters and the bathroom, because the moment any kind of infectious pathogen hit the ship's oxygen distribution system? Bam. That airborne disease would rip right through the entire population within the hour."

Arthur frowned slightly. "I would've thought your, er, 'oxygen distribution system' would have... UV sterilisers or something. Wouldn't that stop it?"

"You think UV sterilisers would stop a techrot spore?" Drifter deadpanned. "There are so many weird diseases in the future, you don't even wanna know."

"...point," Arthur conceded.

"Also Ordis says that those UV sterilisers do nothing. I mean, it's why Helminth keeps spreading from its room and into the Orbiter's bathroom. Something about poorly placed ventilaton pipes?"

"Helminth..." Arthur blinked. "As in, the techrot monster in the backroom's closet?"

"Yeah, they exist on the Orbiter too. Have their own room but, uh, it isn't quarantined. I guess I'd take ten cockroaches over a Helminth tentacle sticking out of the toilet..."

Arthur cleared his throat abruptly. "You know, I think... I think I'll go deal with the, ah, techrot issue infiltrating our indoor plants. You know, to be, ah, thorough."

"Yeah, you go do that," Drifter drawled as Arthur hurried off. "Typical. Only cares when being told about a potential toilet tentacle."

Well, whatever got the Hex to clean up their act - literally. Trash Baby could only do so much.

"Hmm, maybe I could get Umbra to get them on task," Drifter mused. "Now there's a clean freak if I've ever seen one."

It might actually get him to stop trying to set the Helminth room on fire. Focus his attention on the mall instead... and maybe bond with the Hex? Nothing was more bonding than a shared cleaning session, right?

[shaywrites-ifs]

In regards to the update on how I plan to track the MC's personality- my next big step before moving onto the next part of the story.

Currently, I have it set as the traditional method where certain choices add to different stats and, eventually, if you had enough points you'd get flavor text with that. I'm finding that to be really tedious to code and follow. I don't hate the idea, but maybe it's not jiving with this story.

There are still a few important stats that I plan to follow with this method. These are something that I hope to cause important changes at certain points in the story.

For general personality though, what I want to do if figure out a good place to put options on what MC is like. There are aspects of The Marked that are canon no matter what. Things like MC faced high expectations and wanted to meet them, that MC has a bit of arrogance or snootiness, and that MC is very biased (and not the most reliable narrator). MC was also adept at navigating the courts and general social politics. MC also was able to be a speaker, and new how to present themselves. In short, MC was charismatic- what kind of charismatic is what was going to be the difference.

Thought process here is that deciding what Charisma type your MC has is the go to personality type. How MC deals with issues.

Charisma Types:

Dominance and Authority: Control- in actions and expressions and words, extreme confidence- an audience does not matter, careful with words- but will speak what you want, you take control of the scene

Approachable (Flirty?) Kindness: Honey over vinegar, softness and compassion, loud and noticeable, big- you gesture and smile and shift, you lean into the space of others, you include them, you enthrall I want a third option for people, but I'm struggling to come up with something strong enough and rounded enough to stick for me. Pieces talk about Focus and Visionary Charisma, but they're not clicking for me. So, I'm going to continue to brainstorm, but if y'all have thoughts please let me know! Then, there's the option of giving y'all a second round of different choices as a secondary, for what the Marked would also be known for. Probably a lot more simple, and casual overall for the Marked.

And, as always, if y'all have thoughts on how to make this better, please share. I can't promise I'm going to implement anything offered, but I want this to be a fun IF, and sometimes we get so stuck in our own little ditch we aren't able to actually see the other options.

[sanguinemoonglitch]

Title: A Conspiracy of (Ex)Cerberus Operatives Summary: The war is over. So, now what? NB: Back to my regular once a day posting. Couldn't resist the P&P quote. Sorry not sorry. :D (Previous)

XXIII.

After a long while, Inara stepped back, a blush on her cheeks, a content smile, and her eyes sparkling with happiness. "Finally," she murmured.

Jack raised a hand to brush a strand of hair out of her face. "Ironic coming from you," he said with a smirk, though his eyes were crinkling with amusement in the way she'd gotten so fond of.

She studied him. "Did you wait very long?" she asked finally.

"Years," he admitted. "It was better this way," he added.

Inara nodded. She could do the math as well as he could. "Should we actually walk a bit?"

Jack nodded his assent and let go of her, and then immediately felt a bit silly for feeling bereft without her. He covered it by saying, "Yes," and gesturing for her to precede him, but she gave him a sly smile and grabbed his hand instead.

"I'm going to try very hard to avoid thinking about how we'll have to go back eventually and everyone will know," Inara commented.

Jack's expression was a mixture of amusement and confusion. "Inara, they already know," he said. "Haven't you noticed?"

"Well, all right, yes, I mean, I was even a bit annoyed about it last night. But they don't know," she said.

"I—see," replied Jack, who didn't see at all, but also really didn't see any other way out of the conversation.

Inara shot him an amused look and let him get away with it. She took a deep breath, trying to drag her focus back into place. "I think, though, that now I really am ready to deal with what comes. The months we've been here have been amazing, but I always knew the real world would break in eventually," she said.

Jack squeezed her hand reassuringly. "It will be well," he replied. Then he looked down at her and asked, "But, really, Cerberus 2.0?"

Inara grimaced. "Exaggeration, a bit. I mean, I know that's not what we're doing. And you do—really all five of us know that's not what we're doing. I'm more worried about what everyone else will see when they look in and find us."

"I could say that they will look in and see what they want to see, so there's nothing we can do about it, but I suspect you won't like that response," Jack replied.

"You're right, I don't," Inara agreed. "But only because we're talking about the people I fought alongside."

"Then… I suspect that once they get over the initial shock, they will understand. Because you're you, and especially anyone who went with you up against the Collectors will trust that your moral compass is still fully intact. If they could stand beside you when they saw Alenko walk away, they'll stand beside you now, especially since Alenko's not walking away." Jack's tone was measured, but Inara could hear the myriad of undertones and knew he felt the truth of what he was telling her deeply.

She sighed. "I'll have to trust that you're right," she said at last.

"I'd say that I always am, but I don't want to open myself up for your inevitable mockery," Jack replied dryly.

Inara laughed. "I love you," she said, finding that having already said it once, he was inspiring her to say it more.

He looked at her bemusedly, unsure what had prompted her declaration, but she simply smiled. "You know," she said instead, "a few months ago you absolutely hated to be reminded of certain past actions, and now I hear you twice in as many days making fun at your own expense on this… How are you really doing?"

Jack didn't immediately reply and when Inara glanced over, he appeared thoughtful. They walked on in silence a bit as she gave him time to gather his thoughts. "It began as preemptive self-defense," he finally said. "I admit it's not my usual style, but I think by now we all know that I am very lucky I woke up after the Citadel with my mind intact. It's easier to remember just how far the indoctrination went if I handle it like this," he explained. "It's a layer of abstraction," he added after a moment.

Inara considered his reply, her hand instinctively tightening around his. He returned the gesture—gratitude perhaps? she wondered, as she couldn't see his expression. "I understand," she replied then. "I hope—" she hesitated "—I hope that you will talk to me, if you need to," she said.

Jack smiled gently in response. "Better you than Oleg, for sure," he replied. "For one, you're much prettier."

They arrived at the top of one of the hills on the property. Inara plopped herself down and nearly pulled Jack along with her. He grumbled a complaint at her, but she ignored him. "Fall is coming," she said, "I can feel it in the air, and soon we won't be able to do this for a while. I intend to enjoy it while I can."

He rolled his eyes at her, but a smile was on his lips as he said, "Fine, fine."

Inara lay on her back on the ground, her arms folded behind her head. Her eyes were closed, but her smile told him she was simply enjoying the feeling of the sun on her face—a luxury, she had told him once, after spending so many years in space.

Jack sat next to her watching her. He'd certainly never seen her like this before: her happiness radiating from her so forcefully he could almost feel its warmth. For the first time since before Shanxi, he felt hope for the future settling into his spirit. He dared not peer too closely just yet, but the honest part of him knew it was only a matter of time.

He spoke softly, not entirely sure she would hear him and not entirely sure he wanted to be heard. He'd held his thoughts of her so tightly to himself for long enough that letting them go was uncomfortable. But perhaps he could practice.

"You're a remarkable woman, Inara Shepard. I've certainly never known anyone so willing to do things like take on a Reaper on foot. Or challenge me. You captured my attention the first time I saw you, when you were still a little girl, but I didn't really understand how special you were until you were yelling at me for giving you an implant. Even Oleg gives me more deference than that." He paused and chuckled to himself at the memory. "I can't remember, though, when I fell in love with you: I was in the middle before I knew I had begun. But love you I do." He stopped, feeling at once as though he had said far too much and yet far too little.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever 'fess up to it," Inara said with a smile when he didn't continue. "I did know it, of course, as even if I hadn't known before you took me to the coast, I certainly knew then. I hope you know, however, that this doesn't mean I'm going to give up on annoying you as much as possible." She paused to catch his eye and smirk proudly, "After all, I only annoy the ones I love."

Jack laughed. "There are implications there, you know," he said.

"Are you fishing?" Inara said.

"Unashamedly," he replied.

"Hm, well, you know, I do this to all my friends. And don't tell Petrovsky that. You grew on me—a lot actually—in our Collector hunting days."

"'Grew on you'?" Jack echoed with a laugh.

Inara threw him a sly look. "Listen, have you met the Illusive Man? He was kind of a pretentious ass."

Jack was so surprised by her answer that he snorted a laugh which made her laugh, and somewhere amidst the absurdity he grabbed her and kissed her, which she very happily reciprocated.

When they finally caught their breath, Inara looked at Jack and announced, "Laughter looks good on you."

"Then I am glad I have you," he replied, "as I am sure you will provide many opportunities to laugh."

Inara could only smile at that. Then she sighed. "It's probably time for us to head back, I imagine," she said.

"Probably," Jack replied. "The sun's getting high, so we've been here quite a while. You didn't exactly waste any time dragging me out here."

"Is that a complaint?" Inara challenged with a grin.

"Never," Jack replied.

Begrudgingly, they stood up and began to make their way back to the main building. Perhaps not so surprisingly, the trip took longer than it needed to.

They were met by Oleg who took one look at them before laughing. "Finally," he said.

Jack gave him a disgruntled look. "I have no idea what you mean," he replied.

"Hah," Oleg laughed, "I'm sure you don't." He looked sternly over at Inara. "Be good to him," he said.

"Oleg…" Jack said with gritted teeth even as Inara laughed.

"Of course I will," she replied. "I couldn't not."

Oleg smirked at Jack but turned a surprisingly friendly smile on Inara. "You're a good woman, Shepard," he said.

She grinned at him and smiled fondly at Jack before excusing herself to go inside.

Jack waited until she was out of earshot before turning to Oleg. "What was that?" he demanded.

Oleg was unperturbed by Jack's bluster. "Jack," he said, "it's time for you to be properly happy. I just want to make sure she knows you aren't alone in this world."

"I'm sure she knew that already. She's Shepard, she earned the nickname Butcher of Torfan and then turned around and smacked the Alliance with a newspaper and said that there would be no more of that under her watch. She doesn't have it in her to just hurt people," Jack protested.

"Listen, I will only say this once and then never again—even if you put a gun to my head. Sometimes you just have to let people know when you care about someone," Oleg said. "Now, we are going to go inside and play chess, and you won't complain about it."

Jack did grumble though. A little. Mostly on principle. Oleg ignored him. Sometimes you just had to let Jack be Jack, after all.

(Next)

[vaguely-concerned]

walking through lucanis' mind prison. the tam lin of it all

[malachianderson]

Kenny...

[Chi came to sit back down on the corner of the bed and reached out for Vince's hands.] Look at me, [he begged.]

We're not fighting all the time. Are we arguing more lately than we have in the recent past? Yes, that's true. But doesn't mean we're fighting all the time. Maybe we're going through a little rough patch again, I don't know. But compared to where we were at the beginning of our relationship...? What's happening now is nothing in comparison to that, and we made it through all that just fine. We're still spending lovely nights together. We're still going out with our friends together. We're still going to your games together. We're okay, Vince. I promise, [Chi insisted.]

Regarding Stellan... for better or for worse, he's a new important person in my life. And a lot of the time, what he wants for me and what you want for me are both very valid things that also happen to be very different, sometimes literally opposite from each other. And navigating that is probably going to be rocky for a while, okay? And that's normal. --Think of it like your sportsball. If a team randomly added in a new coach from a completely different league, do you think things would just automatically work nice together? Of course not. It'd take time and compromise and probably a lot of arguing.

But there are some things that Stellan does that are just completely wrong. And offering to buy me this adorable kitten--[he paused to pet the now (somehow) asleep cat with one finger for a moment--] without talking to you first was just completely wrong. ...And you know what? I was completely wrong for just accepting it without coming to you and talking it out with you first, too. Like you said yesterday. We had a plan on when we were going to get our next pet. And instead of sticking to that, I let Stellan woo me into accepting this kitten that he picked out instead. And that wasn't fair to you. That should have been something we did together as a couple. You're my husband, not Stellan.

For the kitten's name though... [He sighed.] Yes, she was bought for me, but we're married now. What's mine is yours. And that includes our adorable little princess here, [He cooed at the kitten again.]

I wanted her to have a Ken and Barbie inspired name because I love that that's our main nickname for each other and I wanted to just... homage that in some way with the first pet we officially got as a married couple. But at the same time... [He trailed off and shrugged.]

...Honestly? I think at this point it's just been a long couple days and we're both tired and I'm hungover which makes me even more bratty and stubborn than usual, [He admitted.]

It's not that big a deal if the kitten isn't named Skipper, [He finally conceded.] You're right. You've hated that name for months and forcing you to use it for the next 18 years for our kitten is basically just as bad as using it for one of our children.

So how about this... [He lightly pet the sleeping kitten again as he spoke.] ...What if she's just named 'Princess'? It's definitely a pet name. It's a name she'll grow into as her truly majestic long hair grows in. And it's technically both a Disney and a Barbie name since they both have huge princess franchise lines.

...And if you don't like that idea? Then that's fine, Vince! We'll come up with something else. Together, [Chi insisted.]

I never want you to concede to me just because that seems easier than arguing. Because... sure. It might be easier for a while, but eventually all that conceding builds up. And that build up causes resentment and resentment can kill a relationship.

I don't want that for us, Vince. I want it to be us 'til the end. Lola and Lolo-style.

[Chi softened.] ...What do you mean?

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Thinking thoughts about Abuela being back and with this backstory about her being taken in by charlatans and Eddies whole catholic guilt thing and how the two things kind of play into one another as an exploration of faith and being taken in by something.

Abuela giving all her money to the tarot card readers etc because she was searching for something - for connection (with Abuelo) - trying to recapture what she had lost, and How Eddie has spoken about trying to re-find the magic he had with Shannon - how Eddie hasn't actually fully reconciled the Shannon of it all when it comes to relationships and how his Catholic guilt connects into that.

How Marisol as a physical representation of Catholicism is part of that narrative - how Eddie is entering a place where he has to chose his path - in order to move on from Shannon he needs to fully square the hole - catholic or non catholic. And how that needs to happen first - before he can begin his queer journey!