#how are u gonna live
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genuinely i think it's important for adults, especially in the plague times, to play pretend in our day-to-day lives. when i rub my back down with tiger balm so i can sleep without pain, i imagine i am a valiant knight tending to an old injury i received from a dragon. when i go to the store to pick up eggs and milk, i am a lone cowboy riding into town on a mission. when i turn my collar up against the wind i am a femme fatale who's killed 4 husbands and is scoping out a 5th. when i stomp around in the snow i am a doomed polar explorer. if being a little bit silly about my walk to the pharmacy helps me remember that life can be full of joy and whimsy, then so be it.
#this is a pointless text post#my most embarrassing version of this is that whenever it was foggy at the lighthouse i imagined i was emily bronte#or that i was taking a walk in the fog with my good friend emily bronte :^)#so much of this is also tied into the fact that my body hurts all the goddamn time#i am trying to make my pain something i can live with#is this gonna be how i learn that normal people don't daydream about being In The Past#anyway do u guys imagine these sort of scenarios too or am i just a freak#greatest (s)hits
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study of this masterwork
#wayneradiotv#rtvs#sonic the hedgehog#after '''''typesetting'''''''' this thing I almost forgot how to spell hedgehog#the caption is fully unironic btw this is for educational purpose. its very fun to draft a comic from an existing ''thumbnail'' it turns ou#but also I just love comics dude. I just love sequential art its so cool to see how anyone arranges things in their own comic#like. wayne's sprite on top of the ''what!!'' speech bubble. really fucking good#little bit sad I couldnt catch the streams live even tho they did run in my timezone... bc Im bad at sleepin#but! Im gonna try and set an alarm this weekend. wanna hang out for a bit#also yeah all dialogue in this is accurate to the original. no use fixing whats perfect as they say#debated printing this out and scuffing the paper with eraser and then re-scan it. for authenticity. but Im tired and dinner soon so#sorry cosme my friend cosme I couldnt commit. I couldnt do it....#anyways yeah. I dinner now#have a good day lads! what u see truly is what u get
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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I can teach you how to be just like me
crying all night, sleeping till three
#did I mention that she’s really sad when she isnt trying to forget the unbearable boredom of being immortal#I heard this song to an animatic and I thought it really suited her so I added it to her playlist lol#I normally draw her in fun bright colors but a lot of the sadder parts of her story get pushed to the side#even if none of my oc stories are really fleshed out I know she has an insatiable nature. her star motif is loosely tied to this I think?#ungrounded and instead of ambitious she can just never find contentness with what she likes or what shes doing#she can definitely be happy though!!! but it always feels fleeting that shes scared the rest of her life is gonna be spent chasing highs#which is way less exciting when u think abt how long you’re gonna be around before everything loses its excitement#what tuck everlasting does to a mf#I think this also kinda bleeds into her relationships and tries to keep her distance so she doesnt get tired of someone she actually likes#it can be confusing since she can be really cuddly utterly in love one second and then kind of distant the next. but she still loves you#her brother I think is on the other end of the spectrum where he tries to live in the moment to avoid thinking abt the future#the avoidance siblings#my oc#oc#Augusta#doodles#my art#myart
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some random tmr doodles + stuff i made for the glader cup 2022 and 2023 :]
also that brinho doodle is an illustration that you can find in @newtedison ‘s fic over here (she literally tweaked her fic so my art could match it so obviously this is dedicated to her <3)
#The Maze Runner#tmr#tmr thomas#tmr minho#tmr newt#myart#tmr gally#tmr frypan#tmr brenda#tmr bark#shit that's a lot of characters#now the content warnings#blood#character death#page 250#ask to tag#i literally don't know how to tag this im sorry#didn't tag the ships because truly none of them are depicted explicitly as romantic per se#the last one is actually a redraw of a veeeeery old wip#you cannot be a proper tmr artist if u haven't made at least One (1) fanart of that One Scene lmao#(jk)#my god guys it's been a while. i'm not dead or anything i am in fact living my best life!!#i didn't draw much tmr art this year but i miss it#im gonna try to post some old stuff that i still like and which u guys would appreciate seeing!! enjoy!!!
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chanlix moments i think about a lot (7/?) - channie’s room ep. 105
#stray kids#bang chan#chanlix#stray kids gifs#skz#skz gifs#my gifs#chanlixmoments#oh my god everytime he moves the lighting changes i cannot be fucked to adjust every layer im sorry#we're all gonna have to live w it ik it looks awful#anw horrible coloring aside.....this was A Moment. 3rd gif look how he perks up when he hears i made them like u said!!!!!!#sa u get a smooch assuming this is the one u meant unless another one exists w brownies that im forgetting about. if so im witholding#the smooch until u point me in its direction thank u
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Prompt 76
Tim has no idea whether to laugh or cry. Bruce sends him away from Gotham to stay safe from Red Hood, yet who is standing there, in the Titan Tower, but the man himself. And if he was attacking or something then fine, he could deal with it. But no, the man is standing there, in the kitchen, cooking like it’s an everyday thing. Like sure he’s cooking angrily and Tim swears he can see some sort of eye glow in the helmet, but it’s not like he’s actually threatening any of them?? The literal crime lord has been hissing about them not having any food and being out of medical supplies and who decided to leave a bunch of teens alone to take care of themselves. Which. Rude, he’s been taking care of himself for years, and both Raven and Beast Boy have too! What type of scheme is this?!
Jason was going to go through with his attack on the Tower, he really was. But seriously, they didn’t even have any medical supplies, their cupboards were practically empty of food, and they didn’t even have any cleaning supplies. For fuck’s sake he’d gotten in so easily and it was a giant tower shaped like a T- everyone knew where it was! Honestly it’s not his fault the pit rage went from being pissed to the literal child- which uh, huh he’ll have to freak out about that later- to raging about how he took better care of the alley kids than the heroes were taking care of their kids so guess whose going to have to fucking step up!
#Jason: Damn you live like this#dc#dcu#prompts#jason is the angriest mother hen ever#No he doesn't know how the fuck he's coparenting with the pit rage#but he is- so fine#i hope you know that the titans are standing in the doorway or sitting awkwardly at the table with no idea who tf RH is#Tim is the only one who knows who tf he is since he's from Gotham and a bat lol#The next time someone attacks the tower they gonna get bullets to the knees and the most feral WTF IS THAT ever#if you wanna make it dcxdp maybe halfa jason#or at least hella liminal#i mean tim is from gotham; raven is half demon; beast boy is literally already ecto green; cyborg has alien tech fused with him#Jason & the pit: Wtf these are literal infants where are their guardians >:U#dcxdp#dpxdc
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there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y
hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]
#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#fake peppino#gustavo and brick#arting#pizzaposting#so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that#and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it#not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow.#he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT!#since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine#he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)'#so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you'#and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to#who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower#making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to....#it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative.#thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino#i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now#nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact#he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that#and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine#is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf#gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man.#anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo#pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here#''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy.#gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything.#if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''
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once again i was fueled with coffee (did not sleep the whole night) but this time i doodled college au to cope bc ofc i did (also did not feel like sleeping wooo)
#self insert#cross!sans#epic!sans#mblue art#cm#m rambles#(that tag is needed bc hoo boy u can tell i did not get sleep and is fueled by caffeine)#(do not be like me!!!!!!!!! do not deprive urself of sleep 💀💀💀)#(get a good 6-7hrs a day if u can. if 4-5hr works better for u then im not forcing u to sleep more 😤😤😤 as long as u rest well 😁👍)#(AND HYDRATE... if ur reading this try to take a sip rn 🥤)#campus au#(college au scenarios will be tagged that heehoo)#not colored just lines bby 😎😎😎#idiots to lovers type shit where they both confide in epic n he's just chillin#waiting for the time when these dummies will finally confess to eachother themselves#(look i think it's rlly funny seeing cross be all cool calm collected in public but when he talks to epic abt his crush)#(he goes insane with a million different flustered/blushing emojis)#( 'they told me good luck on my test and gave me the nicest smile ever how was i gonna live after that' goofy ass. idiot /aff)#( 'DUDE THEY GAVE ME A MOTIVATIONAL NOTE. IN /PINK/ PAPER. ON CHOCOLATE. DOES THIS...... 😳' guys i love silly dorky cross to bits so much)#(man fucking explodes w his simping n epic just goes LMAO but he's v supportive for his bruh 💪😤)#(on the other hand my sona thinks he's sooo cool and awesome and smart and honestly fucking charming HHELLO THE TIMES WHEN HE LAUGHS AND)#(AND SMILES HELLOOO MR HANDSOME I MEAN WHATT)#( 'stars if he likes me back i wouldn't know what to do with myself. fucking EXPLODE? YIPPEE CONFETTI??' lots of flushge )#(going ueueue at big bro epic bc they got a super massive crush on his bestie but)#(but the head is entertaining 'what-if's BUT i think kuya epic knows how to steer the thoughts away from those and smack em w teasing 😎✨)#(ultimately distracting and successfully reassuring them 😎😎😎)#(tsundere mblue no way not in here im down bad astronomically full on simping my guys)#(he might be a dumbass sometimes but he's my dumbass) (ok i'll shut up now fr)#anywayz campus au is the my highschool au but we're all adults and more tired yippeee
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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House MD | 1x18 ↳ Babies & Bathwater
#i need u to know how badly it sounded like he was gonna break down in tears when he said 'this screwed up friendship'#house#house md#gregory house#james wilson#hilson#greg house#robert sean leonard#hugh laurie#usermedical#houseedit#gif#gifset#dailyflicks#live action
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OKAY so I am re-listening to "Death and The Queen" again and I am having Thoughts™.
I can't find any info about when this drama takes place continuity-wise, but my personal placement would be after "Planet of The Ood" (4x3) and before "The Sontaran Stratagem" (4x4) because 4x4-4x6 take place directly following each other with Donna stating at the end of 4x6 that she plans to travel with the Doctor forever. Donna's determination to continue traveling w him is in keeping with the conclusion of Death and The Queen, where she comes to the decision that the Doctor IS her "happily ever after," as it were. Placing the drama after "Fires of Pompeii" and "Planet of The Ood" also makes sense with Donna's desire in the audio drama to have a break from "the extraordinary" of traveling with the Doctor (specifically, horrific death and destruction,) which adds understandable context to her seemingly being so willing to leave the Doctor after searching for him for so long.
(Don't talk to me about the ending of Forest of The Dead. It's unlikely Donna would have left the Doctor even if she found Lee. Donna's desire to confirm whether Lee was real could be easily contextualized by her wanting to know how much of her experiences inside CAL were a fabrication, and what the supposed "perfect husband" persona would have said about her if it was drawn from her own mind. Also it was written by Moffatt so it shouldn't count anyway.)
ANyway, what I actually wanted to talk about. Notably, considerable emphasis is placed on Donna enjoying her role as Queen and especially caring for her subjects and having power to help people. A greater amount of text is dedicated to her talking about how as Queen she can care for her subjects than her love for Rudolph, even before the reveal that he is human(?) trash. Her attachment to the role of Queen that marrying Rudolph will grant her is established to be largely based upon her passion for helping people rather than luxuries associated with rank, especially in view of the montage of how royal life on Gorotainia is not as glamorous as she hoped but is still enthralled by being Queen. Later in the story, when danger has appeared, her main role in the story is sacrificing and taking the lead to protect her subjects.
Notably, when things start going downhill and Rudolph starts talking to her about the difficult choices that he must make as royalty she comments that Rudolph is “just like HIM” (the Doctor) and that she went with Rudolph to escape these darker aspects of her travels with the Doctor, specifically the hard choices that go with the role the Doctor plays in the universe (while she doesn’t connect these concepts directly, these two statements are placed very close to one another textually.)
Only when her relationship with Rudolph and role as Queen seems like it will involve some of the same dark choices that her travels with Doctor did does Donna decide she doesn’t want to be involved anymore, which is quickly reversed when she finds out she needs to become Queen in order to protect her people. (I love Donna. In case you can’t tell.)
The narrative has established that a large part of Donna’s attachment to her relationship with Rudolph is potential authority to help and guide people, and that her main interest in pursuing a life with Rudolph rather than her travels with the Doctor was her perception that her role as Queen of Gorotainia would not involve the same death and destruction she has seen with the Doctor. Perfectly understandable after experiencing something like Pompeii.
Donna’s compassion and empathy have been essential components of her character since her introduction, with her wanting to protect the Doctor despite being irritated with him and feeling sorrow for the children of a Rancoss that wanted her to be eaten in “The Runaway Bride”, her taking the time to mention Stacy in “Partners In Crime,” and literally everything in “Fires of Pompeii” and “Planet of The Ood’. Donna has always taken the time and the energy to think of others and work to protect them, even this early in her run. In view of how deeply she feels the pain of others, it is understandable that she would find the idea of a world where she could help others from a position of power without all of the death and chaos and destruction appealing, and her outrage at Rudolph for once again putting her in a position where she has to witness (and potentially be responsible for) terrible things happening to innocent people is believable. He proves that being a Gorotainian royal is like being the Last of The Time Lords. On a smaller scale, sure, but still.
So the text (and Donna) have set up the idea of Rudolph being similar to the Doctor in role, so what is the difference? Rudolph doesn’t much care about people. He is willing to sacrifice his own people quite coldly.
The Doctor does care about people. How good of a person he is, or how good of a job he does caring for people is up for debate, but he cares.
Which all leads me to this quote from “Beautiful Chaos,” that I cannot believe is cannon and real and published.
Why does Donna love the Doctor?
"I wish you could see what I see. We've been to places, to worlds, to futures and pasts you could only dream about. I think half of them I dreamed up because they can't be real. But they are. And everywhere we go, we make a difference. We put things right, we make people happier. That's what the Doctor is all about. He finds a way for the universe to make sense. And I love him for it.”
Donna Noble wants to make a difference. No matter where she goes, she cannot escape the death and pain and suffering and chaos and nonsense that is the universe, and she can’t help but want to help. And right there beside her, the Doctor is working to put things right too. And she loves him for it.
We have this entire drama dedicated to Donna wanting to make a difference, while also escaping the darkness of the universe, and she learns she can’t. There are no happily ever afters.
Except with the Doctor.
I have so many feelings guys.
#tendonna#ten/donna#feel free to interpret this as platonic if u want but this is why I love them as a couple okay#they are whole independent people who learn that if they stand together they don't have to carry the whole world on their shoulders#they understand each other and they have goals that are fundamentally compatible#how is that not sexy#ten x donna#doctor/donna#doctor x donna#donna noble#this is a Donna Noble Stan blog#tenth doctor#big finish doctor who#death and the queen#doctor who#not me being afraid my old English lit teacher will find my tumblr and give me notes on this#1K word essay lets go lads#dw meta#THE TENDONNA THESIS LIVES#I AM FERAL FOR THEM#GRASPS UR SHOULDERS AND SHAKES VIOLENTLY “THE POTENTIAL!!!!!”#okay so maybe Rudolph kinda cares but he has the spine of a wet noodle#not sure if any Rudolph stans are hiding out here tho#not gonna bash any other ships here but#is this not substantive??? Is this not compelling???
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breaking the law and outing myself on the internet because i'm showcasing my senior dance thesis on april 28 at 6:30 and 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time and i want You to see it
we don't have a livestream link yet but we will. in the meantime look at these cool posters and this cool blurb. ok now save the date SEE YOU SOON
#my stuff#my art#these posters went through 14 separate drafts. it was a harrowing and difficult experience#i am Fully Going through it which means 1) physical health is suffering 2) social life also but 3) the thing is going to be so fucking good#sarus is gonna be the best thing ive ever made when we finish it. i Know it#so i want you to see it because it's one of those ambitious stories where everything's bigger than life#and the world is old and young and scary and kind and people live fearlessly and with cowardice#BUT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. IF YOU JUST KEEP WALKING. this is going to be one of those stories#so many dance blurbs and descriptions are like stupid technical like oh we explored the effect of weighing down our hands and feet#on our Center of Gravity and how it altered the rotational momentum of turns and jumps#or else they're stupid esoteric like oh the wind blew..... and the children wept and all over the world the oceans rose... (global warming)#so i was determined to make this blurb (which is going in the schoolwide email blast) accessible and provocative#and inviting#in a provocative way#im very Locked in rn. im Hyperfocused as fuck. i am not eating as well asi should be but IM TRYING#AND THATS WHAT MATTERS#im inviting all of u bc this is a piece that is going to try and say something and i want everyone ive ever loved to hear it#oghey bye
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18 years old vs. 26 years old
turned 26 today, meaning i'm one year out from charlotte lucas' "I'm 27 years old, I've no money and no prospects. I'm already a burden to my parents. And I'm frightened."
I think 18 year old me could take me in a fight, honestly. She didn't have carpal tunnel + wasn't googling stretching routines for her hip flexors. BUT she weighed 60 kg soaking wet so I could totally just sit on her and she'd be done.
#ribbittrobbit#my art#dumb irl stuff#i was gonna write a comic about my yearly tradition of being maudlin the night before my birthday#and opening a word document + typing out three pages of the most existential thoughts i could have#but instead this is a reflection on the way i look a little more punk that i did at 18 (to the joy of 13 yo tumblr self)#+ how i no longer have strong academia vibes (to the chagrin of 18yo aspiring doctor in art history)#whaddup homie u draw silly little things for a living now#walter benjamin? john berger? we don't even know them
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the weight of the crown
#everyone say 'thank you kara' for the idea#ch7 gonna have this mans hafta face the reality of taking over the throne. the burden of his responsibility. the legacy. the the the the#hes always like 'lilia stop treating me like a kid' oh yea? ik uve lived hundreds of years but have u had to face the solitude of ruling yet#there is nobody else to support u the same way. everything is on u. u can have advisement and guards and w/e but UR the one it falls on#i also think the pressure of societal relations in briar valley is...particularly tough to hafta take over. progress has been made but sTILL#how much history is there. how much bloodshed how many conflicts im GRAGHGHGH#whatever im not eloquent thats letties job. i just draw shit#twst#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia#suntails
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(Based off of the reality of having a metal ring in your back as a constant reminder of your fate and how that affects you as a person set in the Switzerland arc)
“Does it hurt?”
Ava’s pressed face down into the pillow sleep curling around her limbs. She hums, she can’t remember what she says, she’s exhausted. Her arms are tangled beneath her pillow. She holds her fingers tightly between each other, her bones ache from the pressure but her hands no longer shake. Ava hasn’t experienced this before, a fear that haunts her at night. (She finds she cannot stop dreaming about dying. It’s stifling in the cover of night trying to figure out where she is.)
She slowly opens her eyes and squints in the darkness. Beatrice is facing her a furrow in her brow that Ava knows she’s doing unconsciously. Ava’s lip quirks a smidgen, Beatrice looks funny. It’s a bit silly to her, Beatrice no doubt working out a solution to an unknown problem that Ava has yet to see in the middle of the night. In her sleepy state she wants to laugh at the imaginary cogs churning in Beatrice’s head.
Beatrice scooches closer and Ava panics, her skin can taste the dust of Bea’s forearm. She hoists herself up on her elbows, turning to face Beatrice. “Wha?” Ava’s shaking off bits of sleep from her mouth when Beatrice repeats herself.
“Does the Halo hurt?”
She doesn’t know if she wants to answer that. Ava peers over Beatrice squinting at the harsh light of the digital clock on Beatrice’s side. Ava loves it, it reminds her of the early 2000’s and the aesthetic of waking up to an alarm to go somewhere. The clock blinks an innocent 1:43 Am, and Ava debates on letting her head thump back down.
She turns her body on her side, she can feel the halo shifting in her back and it makes her want to throw up. The sides of the halo press against her shoulder blades and Ava resists the urge to yank it out. She grits her teeth and settles ignoring the skin of her back pulling tight to accommodate for the ring. Beatrice is still expecting an answer and Ava can’t lie to her, she pulls the covers of the sheet up to her chest hoping to bide more time for an answer.
"Everything hurts Bea," Ava smiles, "getting my ass handed to me is hard work."
Beatrice frowns displeased but looks at her through her lashes, it's unguarded, the stress and worries of the world stay out of their room in the dead of night. Her lashes are so pretty and Ava wants to curse the soft glow of the moon. There’s just enough moonlight to illuminate her eyes but overshadow her freckles. Ava swallows down the taste of defeat, she can’t win, she thinks.
Her gaze is soft, Beatrice is looking at her and it’s different yet the same. The same feeling in her chest constricting her lungs, the same soft gaze of Beatrice. Beatrice who likes what she sees in Ava when Ava can barely see where she begins. She doesn’t like to dwell on it, the truth of the matter being what belongs to Ava.
If she closes her eyes she can pretend just a little longer. She can give herself the hope of the future and what comes after all this. She can put down the fighting and the artifact and live. Ava doesn't want to think about it anymore, at least not tonight when Beatrice is here with her.
Beatrice is soft. She knows it from hours and hours of training. She's felt it when Beatrice corrects her form, in the way she talks. She speaks from a place of care like she has turned the harsh words in her brain over and over to soften the syllables spoken to Ava. And Ava doesn't linger on it, the meaning behind it, (Ava didn't think she'd make it this far, finding a person who cares quite like Bea does.)
And Ava's got it bad, she knows she's fucked because Beatrice doesn’t say anything about her language and Ava can't not tell her the truth. She looks down, her hand fiddling with the bed sheet underneath them.
"It doesn't hurt," if she thinks about it she can feel the fibers of the cotton between the pads of her fingers. "But it's very uncomfortable." She doesn't want to find the response in Beatrice's eyes, content to hear it from her voice. The soft British lilting accent that holds her just as soft as a touch.
She waits, she can picture Bea’s mannerisms with her eyes closed but maybe she should check just to be sure. Ava peers up at Beatrice and she’s suddenly closer. Her eyes really are pretty, there’s a depth to them that Ava wants to spend an ungodly amount of time studying.
“Can I help?”
#tko_writes#AND THEN THEY BANGGGG NASTY UGLY HARDDDDD#tenatively titled:#Do you think i'm kind?#in which i dump soup all over this google doc#soup being trauma#yeah this is ooc what about it#i need to go to bed right now#can u believe it i wrote something relatively normal#bleghhh#it wasn't as bad as I thought it would go#canon writing is boring to me personally but this wasn't too bad#it's just like blah blah imagine having a metal ring in ur back and how sleeping on ur side affects your body#just like body horror#and like the constant reminder of it because how do u escape something that's so uncomfortable sitting between ur shoulder blades but#helps you move and do all the things u dreamed of???#anyway got bonked with this idea talking with ard#everyone thank ard for this if u liked it#i was supposed to write more but i've gotta go to bed#Ava's thoughts are all over the place but i'm gonna say that's cuz she's sleepy#something somethign it's just all the trauma she's gone through because she's had the halo is present and she's constantly reminded of it#because it jostles inside of her and no one was really fit to house a halo#something something GET RID OF THE HALO BEARERS LET THOSE WOMEN LIVE THEIR LIVES#RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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