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lilystyles · 1 year ago

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when not in rome.

a @lilystyles blurb!

my masterlist & no strings attached masterlist & blurbs masterlist

authors note idk this was a random thing i wrote at 2AM because i just missed them, i am still working on style so don't worry that should be out soon. also this is set way before no strings, i love writing about them in their previous moments!

brief description harry surprises y/n at her graduation (also listen to love of my life by h whilst readinggg)

warnings! angsty? fluffy? drunk y/n and harry (2.1k)

younger!lhh!nostrings!h x reader

* * * * *

SIX YEARS BEFORE

University has a funny way of making you feel like you might never cross the finish line. Y/n like everyone else had multiple days where she would just sob and scream from the stress of it all. Exams were totally a torture device.

When Y/n graduated with her first degree before deciding to write her thesis Harry surprised her.

He’d been touring the world with One Direction for months now and she hadn’t seen him since Paris the year before, when he’d surprised her by flying her to join them in their Paris show and they’d had a wild few drunken nights that she felt blurred the lines of friendship into something more.

But after their few days, when the champagne ran out, and she came back home, she sobered and realised that nothing would ever happen between them. And if you spent a few nights with Harry in a limo drinking champagne and dealing with his wandering hands you too would fall for him. Just a bit. It's only natural.

She missed him, though, loads. He was one of her best friends after all.

Around a month ago they phoned each other, it was late for her and the morning for him, she’d been studying and they talked for hours catching up till the sky turned bright for her and her eyes drooped shut. The time between their phone calls had grown longer and longer now, and she missed him. She’d mentioned that she was graduating soon and that they were both supposed to be graduating if he’d stayed in Uni. She remembers them staying up late at parties discussing their futures and how post-graduation Harry was insistent that they’d still be roommates. She realised now that their dream definitely wasn’t a possibility anymore.

He’d told her that instead of being there graduating like they’d suspected he was going to be, he was in Rome at some fashion show gala thing, and his date was this sexy model named Rosalie who had her sex tape leaked a couple of months ago. She was happy for him, but a part of her couldn’t help but be disappointed. She felt like he was drifting away from her every day, but she couldn’t find in herself to be cross with him. He was swept up by the fame of it all, and how on earth could she be mad that he was literally a rockstar? She knew that he was still Harry and she was still Y/n but they weren’t Harry and Y/n anymore. Not like before.

And honestly, she’d probably leave everything and everyone behind, party all night, and sleep with sexy models too if she had the chance to be famous. But she couldn’t sing for shit. So instead she did what she was doing, and shoved her nose in a book rather than in lines off a bathroom sink, and she was rather content with the peacefulness of it all.

All thoughts of Harry were swept away from her mind when she walked across the stage in the grande hall. She was finally graduating! Thank god! She thought. She had a sash that showed she was an honours student, and she was blooming with pride, when they called her name her list of achievements was longer than the four painful years she’d spent studying in their grande libraries. She was so glad to shake the hand of one of her favourite professors and leave, the next year ahead she planned to travel and work overseas, she was excited about that.

But honestly, she was even more excited to get absolutely shit-faced at the graduation after-ball party. She found herself a few pints down, sitting by the edge of one of the fountains, when she nearly fell in at the absolutely shocking sight in front of her.

There was just no way it could be true. I mean he was in Rome, and she was drunk in London. She’d seen photos on her Twitter of him wrapping his tattooed arms around that Rosalie model girl, so how could he be here in London just like that? It was not real, surely. She must be hallucinating and the second-hand smoke of all the spliffs had finally got to her brain. But suddenly the man turned around and Jesus Christ it was him. It was Harry. His eyes were pinched as he searched the crowd and when he finally saw her they lit up, all green like a forest, and his mouth kicked up into that devilish grin of his.

He saw her dumb-struck expression and laughed softly walking toward his best friend. He was dressed in a suit jacket like everyone else, and since they were all drunk none of them noticed it was the Harry Styles of the One Direction AKA the biggest band in the world. To them, he was just some random twat who just graduated too.

His hair had grown all long and curly, and he just looked so much more like a man than when he’d left. Had he gotten taller? More strong? The arms of his jacket strained and Y/n sighed at the sight of him.

She didn't think she'd changed much, but Harry thought she looked even more beautiful than before, if possible.

When he stood right in front of her, her mouth was still wide in utter shock. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

He laughed. “Is that all you hafta’ say? Come on, hug your best friend!”

She sprang up from her seat and the silky long dress, which was a teal blue colour. All smooth and tight on her skin was hiked up slightly. Her gown and cap were long gone, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders. He lifted her up off the floor and spun them around.

She smelt like peaches and sweetness, and God, he could've stayed holding her for weeks.

She giggled and felt her face hurt from smiling so big. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you!”

When he placed her down, his hands did not leave the curve of her waist. “Surprise, babe.”

“What the- shit- I thought you were in Rome! How’d you even get here?” She asked

He smiled. “I was, got a flight this afternoon. It was the only one coming home, sorry for missing the graduation part.”

She just smiled up at him. “You’re crazy.”

He shook his head landing a hand on her shoulder. “I knew how important it was to you, and I missed you. Sue me.”

She laughed, eyes welling with slight tears. Maybe he wasn’t drifting too far from her after all. “Oh, god, don’t make me cry, you know how I get after a few pints, H.”

He laughed, arms outstretched for her to cuddle him. “Aw, pet, c’mere.”

She smacked his chest playfully but cuddled him nonetheless. “Let’s go get royally fucked, mate,” She whispered and they pulled apart, hands interlocking as she lead him off to one of the pubs where everyone was buying drinks.

It was called The Ducks Nuts.

A few of her mates were inside. Ones Harry didn’t know, but she’d already spent a good portion of the night with them. So she told them her old friend had surprised her and they’d be here and there.

Harry ordered them some shots and eventually the night was just a blur of hands touching each other, as they got so drunk Y/n felt her world spinning. They’d hopped around multiple different pubs and bars and Y/n was so tired. Her heels itched her feet with pain and she ripped them off, along with her bag. As they walked with little purpose she threw her things at him and began to dance in the middle of the road.

Harry was holding her things as she danced in the street showing her best Elton John impression, and he silently decided that was what made her so perfect. She was just herself. And he loved that about her, he loved everything about her.

He laughed and told her what a realistic impression it was, and how they’d met at some award show to back up that comment. She was infinitely jealous, she loved Elton.

On her way back toward him she landed in his arms after losing her footing he shook his head at her.

“You are very drunk, Lovie. Aren't ya'?" He said, in a soft tone one that made her tummy turn in flips.

She sighed as they walked in a direction with no destination in mind. “You aren’t drunk enough, you need to get on my level.”

He noticed her shiver under his arm and quickly ripped his coat off. It swallowed her form and she smiled gratefully hugging the coat around herself. It felt like a warm embrace, and that smell filled her nose and suddenly she was home in her old flat with him, home in Holmes Chapel, home with him. Just home.

“Smells good.” She giggled as she sniffed the shoulder pad, her cheek brushing against the soft material all dog-like. “N’ soft too.”

“Why thanks, it’s Gucci.” He replied.

She rolled her eyes. “Come on then, money-bags, let’s get you as drunk as me.”

They strolled into a tavern near her flat and drank so much tequila that they had to practically carry each other home.

As Harry looked up at the stars and moon, feeling the cool air nip her skin he sighed. He hadn’t gotten this drunk, and been this happy in such a long time. He was giggling contently, as she leaned into him and he silently wished that the night would never end.

He never wanted his time with her to end either. He loved spending time with her, whether they were on an adventure or doing nothing at all. Y/n made it worthwhile.

When they reached the shitbox of a flat she lived in Harry followed calmly behind her, and when one of her neighbours spat a comment about drunken youths he sighed, “I wish you would’ve taken up my offer,”

She looked up at him as she played with the jammy door that never seemed to open on the first try. Shoving her shoulder into it as she managed to finally wedge it open, stumbling inside ungracefully.

And with a roll of her eyes, she ushered him inside. “There is zero chance I’d let my all-of-sudden bazillionaire rockstar friend buy me a flat, just cause he can afford shoes worth more than my entire life savings. Anyway, how could I ever pay it back? I have two p to my name and a packet of noodles in my possessions, Harry.”

He laughed. “Think of it as a graduation present then,”

She sighed. “Just shut up and sit down, and I’ll get some wine.”

It was almost 4AM now, and neither cared. They were beyond drunk, but Y/n missed him and if force-feeding him wine would get him to spend a whole 24 hours with her, she totally would.

When she sat down with two mugs spilling with a cherry red wine, that was the cheapest shit she’d ever bought, Harry laughed. Her wobbly legs forced her to land awkwardly on one thigh practically on top of his. He smiled, one that showed his kind eyes.

Green pools of emerald she wished to swim in for eternity. She laughed at the thought, she really got poetic when she was drunk, huh?

“God, remind me to get you drunk more often.” He whispered.

She sighed. “Oh shut up, and fill me in on life then. Who are you shagging?”

He looked at her pointedly. “Who are you shagging?”

A blush crept up her neck, and suddenly the only secret she had kept from him was threatening to slip past her drunken red-stained lips.

“None of your business, but there’s this hot guy in my physics who I would totally shag,”

He laughed, but underneath it, he felt a jealousy creep up his spine, he knew he had no right since he’d been balls deep in two Italian models this morning, turns out threesomes are a really good cure for hangovers by the way. But despite that, he felt an itch he couldn’t scratch that resembled something pretty close to jealousy.

“What’s he like?” Harry asked.

She shrugged. “Dunno, tall, glasses, got that whole nerdy silent thing going for him.”

“That’s what you like then, silent types?” He asked, running a hand through his long curls, and she reached out to play with one.

She shook her head, and said distractedly, “I don’t know.”

“Makes sense why you never dated me then.”

During primary school, Harry dated every girl in their class including Daisy and Penny, except Y/n who told him she didn’t fancy him. It was an ongoing topic of discussion between them. Why wasn't he good enough? He always asked.

She laughed at that comment. “I know you too well for that, and I get the unfiltered you, and I lived with you which was basically like being married to you. We bickered too much to ever date, Haz.”

He looked at her with hooded eyes, and for some reason that stung, but trying to be light-hearted he said. “Never say never, what if we needed to repopulate the earth?”

She looked over at him and placed a hand on his and kissed his cheek, all soft and slow, and for a moment he thought she might actually kiss him for real but instead, she said. “There’ll be no hope for humanity then.”

He sighed, fake pouting before a couple of minutes of silence passed and he turned to her and said. “Come with me to Brazil.”

Her eyes widened, “What?"

“I leave tomorrow night, come with me.” He said.

She frowned. “What? Come with you? You can't be serious.”

He nodded. “Please? I miss you! And we can party for a whole week together, or sleep, or do whatever the fuck you want! Just come, pack a bikini and something sparkly, and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Y/n and Harry did end up going to Brazil but that’s a story for another time.

She stood up from the couch holding her hand out to him, and he slid his into hers. Cool rings grazing the soft skin of her palm.

“Let’s just go to sleep, you're talking like a crazy person.” She said, softly pushing a lock of his hair away from his eyes.

He sighed at her, “But m’ serious, Love.”

“Alright, ask me again tomorrow. That is if you even remember...now come on, let’s listen to Fleetwood Mac and sleep until tomorrow evening.”

Y/n's room was cosy and welcoming. Harry felt his eyes droop at the sight. A tiny lamp shining over them in an orange glow, her cot-like bed covered in blankets and the scent of her likely covering those sheets.

That night they slept in Y/n’s twin bed, cuddling, with Stevie Nicks serenading them to sleep. Cheeks plump and pink from too much alcohol, hands wandering scandalously, and the love in air was thick and obvious.

Before Y/n fell asleep she pecked his lips, in a quick kiss, one that it barely even touched him and said, “Night, mate,”

His lips burned like wildfire, and from that night on, he did think humanity had a chance if it was up to them. Whether or not she believed that.

“Night, Love.”

i have been a bit slack with updates lately...second year of uni is crazy and im already soooo busy, but i missed them and i wanted to write a lil sum for y'all until my next proper update :) BIG LOVEEEE

#nostringsattachedblurbs #nostringsattachedseriesbylilystyles #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles angst #harry styles x reader smut #lilystyles #harrystylesseries #childhood best friend to strangers to fwb to lovers #nostrings!H #blurb #longhairharry #my love #them

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suratan-zir · 4 months ago

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Very personal post.

A lot of relationship talk, might make you nauseous.

Oversharing because I felt like it?

Today is our 10-year anniversary of marriage. 10.10 is the date, and 10 years - so many tens. Ten years ago, in a small, very sad-looking building in Donetsk, under the sounds of artillery mixed with the sounds of Mendelssohn's march, which the smiling employee turned on for "special atmosphere," we put our signatures on a piece of paper and kissed, because we were told to. (I would never kiss in public otherwise.) We wanted to get married before all the government structures got captured by the russian terrorists, so that we could still get Ukrainian documents, not just a worthless piece of paper.

We both were wearing t-shirts and jeans. I felt miserable. He was happy. And now, looking back at that day, I'm happy too. In two days, it will also be the anniversary of our relationship - 12 years. We met when we were both 17, at uni. It's crazy how just one person can change your life. I was studying that profession only because of one person. And that's why I met my husband. If not for me, he probably wouldn't have the career he has right now, he wouldn't even be in this field. But if not for him, I literally wouldn't be alive by now.

We make each other better. And we have this "shared brain" where we not only finish each other's sentences, but there is no need for sentences at all. It's like he reads my mind. Sometimes, it's even scary. That's what you get when you lock two kids in a horrible, tiny, moldy apartment and throw some traumatic events at them. It's a bond stronger than we can even understand. We've been living together for almost 12 years, I don't think I can process this number.

People were telling us we were moving too fast. And they were right, it was too fast. We moved in together after two months, only because we wanted to get away from our families. The first two years, we were arguing non-stop over nothing. But it turns out, if you stick around and have patience, everything works out eventually. We haven't had a real fight in years.

What were even the odds of finding someone as asocial as I am, who would love to either stay inside all week or go with me to roam the swamps and valleys? What are the odds of finding a guy who would spend half an hour trying to get the perfect shot of a frog? Yes, these are the main qualities I look for in a man. (just joking... probably) The guy who, during a high tide, would wade over a kilometer of water with me and then swim over 150 meters, following me to the opposite bank just to see what's in there.

He doesn't play the sims or Stardew Valley. Nobody's perfect, I suppose.

#personal

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notiddygothgf · 4 months ago

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11. Conflict of Interest

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ You don't deserve this. ❞ ❝ You know I love you, troublemaker. ❞

★ c.w.: n/a. (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: Hi my darlingssss!!! SO as i said I've reached the end of prewritten chapters so updates will be coming a little slower. I'm full time at uni and I've been absolutely SWAMPED with exams this past week. Chem is the worst iykyk. Anyway!!! to make up for the delay (and future delays) i wanted to spoil yall with a lil long chapter. I HOPE YOU LOVE IT!!! i love YOU!! comment comment comment away i literally love reading them. give me smth to look forward too tee hee.

★ w.c: .9.5k

shameless ; chapter index

YOUR HEART DROPPED through your chest, the world around you slowing to a crawl as his words echoed in your mind. Tokyo. He’s coming here.

“What?” you breathed, barely managing the word, your throat tightening as reality hit you all at once.

“ Yeah ,” he continued, sounding almost excited, as if this was the best news in the world. “ My supervisor said they could really use the backup in Tokyo. I guess the team’s been stretched thin over there, so they’re sending me out .”

Your stomach lurched, twisting into a tight knot. Tokyo? Here? Now? It was as if the universe was playing a cruel joke on you.

“That’s… great,” you forced out, your voice shaky, trying desperately to mask the panic swelling inside. “Really.”

Aki’s eyes met yours from across the balcony, his gaze steady, calm. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but he watched you with a quiet curiosity, completely unaware of the storm brewing inside you. You could feel your face heating up under his gaze, the weight of everything pressing down on your shoulders. How am I going to hide this from him?

“How long will you be here?” you asked, feigning a casual tone, even though your hands were shaking, white-knuckled around the phone.

“ Not sure, ” he answered, still in that same oblivious tone. “I guess as long as you’re in Tokyo, I’ll be stationed there. My supervisor thinks it’ll be good for us to be close by for a while. ”

Your chest tightened further, breath hitching as you tried to process what he was saying. I’m screwed. This is it. I’m completely, utterly screwed.

“They’re booking me a suite. I asked to stay with you, and they said it was fine, ” He added.

“That’s... that’s amazing,” you said, forcing a hollow excitement into your voice. Your lips trembled into a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “Wow, it’s going to be…” You swallowed. “Nice.”

The words were like acid on your tongue.

He chuckled, clearly pleased with himself. “Yeah, I thought you’d like that. We’ll finally be able to catch up on all the time we missed.”

“Yeah, finally,” you repeated quietly, feeling a wave of nausea roll through you. Your heart was pounding in your ears, so loud that you could barely hear his voice anymore. You were nodding along, saying whatever words you could muster, but your thoughts were spiraling. What the hell am I going to do?

“Well, I’ve got to finish up some paperwork before the move, but I’ll be there soon. Tonight, actually.”

You swallowed hard. That was no time at all. How am I supposed to prepare for this? Your brain was screaming, but outwardly, you nodded, forcing a tight smile he couldn’t see.

“That sounds... perfect,” you lied. “Really, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Alright, I’ll call you when I’ve got the final details. Love you.”

You opened your mouth, but the words stuck in your throat. For a split second, you hesitated, your eyes flickering to Aki, who had leaned back in the chair, watching you with a soft, curious gaze. The weight of your husband’s voice on the other end of the line crushed down on you.

“Love you too ,” you said, your voice barely more than a whisper before quickly hanging up.

The silence that followed was deafening. You stared at the phone in your hand, the cold, empty feeling creeping into your chest.

The cigarette, long forgotten, had burned down to a stub, the last ember smoldering weakly. You pressed it out in the ashtray, your fingers trembling, your breath coming in shallow, uneven bursts.

You gripped the edge of the balcony railing, trying to steady yourself, but the panic had already taken hold. Your heart raced, the world closing in around you as you fought to keep yourself from spiraling.

He’s coming. He’s really coming to Tokyo. What the hell am I going to do now?

Aki’s quiet presence was still there, grounding, but it didn’t stop the thoughts racing through your mind. You couldn’t let him see. Couldn’t let him know how badly this was shaking you. You were supposed to be fine. Everything was supposed to be fine.

But nothing was fine anymore.

You stared out over the city skyline, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you fought to regain control. But it was slipping. It was all slipping through your fingers, and for the first time in a long while, you felt powerless.

The panic was unbearable. Your chest felt like it was caving in, breath coming in short, sharp bursts as the reality of it settled over you. You had to get out—move, escape before the walls closed in completely. You pushed yourself off the balcony, your mind racing, limbs trembling.

Aki watched you stand abruptly, his brow furrowing as you moved quickly toward the door, your steps frantic, unsteady.

“Hey, where are you going?” he asked, his voice gentle but confused, rising from the chair to follow you. He reached out, catching your arm just as your hand grasped the door handle. “You okay?”

You froze under his touch, your heart hammering in your chest as his warmth anchored you. The panic swelled even more, your thoughts a blur. You could feel your throat tightening, the words struggling to come out. He’s coming. It was like a mantra, replaying over and over in your mind, suffocating you.

“He’s coming,” you choked out, your voice small and broken. You turned to face Aki, your eyes wide, brimming with tears that threatened to spill over. “My husband. He’s coming to Tokyo.”

Aki’s grip on your arm tightened slightly, concern clouding his face as he stepped closer. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s over.” The words came out on a sob, the reality of it crashing down on you. “He’s coming here, and it’s all over. He’s gonna ruin everything.”

The tears fell freely now, your body trembling under the weight of it all. Aki’s expression shifted from concern to something deeper, something protective. He pulled you gently into his arms, holding you close, his warmth a stark contrast to the cold fear clawing at your insides.

“What do you mean ‘it’s over’? What’s going on? Talk to me.”

You tried to catch your breath, tried to form words, but the memories hit you hard and fast. Every bruise, every cruel word, every moment in that house—it was suffocating you now. You clung to Aki, your fingers digging into his shirt as if he were the only thing keeping you from falling apart completely.

“He’ll find out,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “He’s going to find out about us. About me.”

Aki’s hand gently stroked your back, his voice low and soothing. “Hey, calm down. Why are you so upset? What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, pulling back slightly to meet his eyes, tears blurring your vision. “You don’t understand. You don’t know him.”

Aki frowned, his thumb brushing away a tear that trailed down your cheek. “Then tell me. Help me understand.”

The words caught in your throat, but something about the way he looked at you—steady, unwavering—made you feel safe. You swallowed hard and the dam inside you broke.

“My husband... he’s not... he’s…” you began, your voice shaking, the words tumbling out faster now. “He’s hurt me. For years. He’s been hurting me.”

Aki’s expression darkened, his body tensing, but he stayed quiet, giving you space to speak. His arms were still wrapped around you, grounding you.

“When we first got married, it wasn’t like this. He wasn’t like this. It started small—just words. He’d get angry over the smallest things, but then it got worse. He’d talk down to me, degrade me, then he hit me. At first, it was my fault. I made myself believe that. I thought if I just tried harder, if I didn’t mess up, maybe he’d stop. But he never did. He kept hitting me, and I’m scared that– that he’ll hurt me.”

Your voice cracked, the memories overwhelming, but you kept going, needing to let it out. “And now he’s coming here. He’ll see how happy I am, and he’ll take it all away. He always finds a way to make me pay.”

Aki’s jaw clenched, his hands trembling slightly as he held you. His voice was steady, “I would never let him do that.”

You wanted to believe him, wanted so desperately to let go of the fear that had gripped you for so long. But your husband had always found you. Always pulled you back. You weren’t free of him—not yet.

“But we can’t… see each other anymore,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “Not while he’s here. He’ll know, Aki. He’ll figure it out, and I can’t let… I just can’t.”

Aki’s eyes flashed with something like heartbreak, his grip on you tightening as if refusing to let you go. “We can figure something out. See each other in secret, maybe.”

You shook your head, tears streaming down your face. “We can’t. He’ll watch me, and if he finds out about us, he’ll hurt you. He’ll hurt both of us.”

Aki’s hand came up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing away your tears as he leaned in, his forehead resting against yours. “I don’t care what he does to me. I don’t want him to take you away.”

But you could see the pain in his eyes, the uncertainty. You felt your own heart breaking, the weight of it all pressing down on you. You shook your head again, gently pulling away from his touch.

“I can’t take that risk.”

Aki’s breath hitched, his face falling. For a long, agonizing moment, he said nothing, just stared at you like he was trying to find the right words, trying to make you stay. But he knew. Deep down, he knew you were right.

“You want to stop seeing me, then?” he asked quietly, his voice barely more than a whisper. “We just stop? After everything? After the conversation we had less than 12 hours ago?”

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat making it difficult to speak. “For now,” you managed, though the words felt like they were ripping you apart. “It’s the only way I can keep you safe. Depending on how long he stays, I’m sure we can find a way to sneak around, but for now…”

Aki looked away, blinking rapidly as if he was fighting back his own tears. He nodded slowly, his shoulders sagging as the reality of it sunk in.

“I understand,” he murmured, his voice tight with the pain of it. “I don’t like it, but I understand. I’ll stay away if it means you’re safe.”

It felt like your heart was shattering. You wanted to tell him you could find a way, that it didn’t have to be like this. But you knew better. You had to keep him safe. You had to protect him, even if it meant breaking both of your hearts in the process. Above all else, you didn’t want to give your husband a reason to put his hands on you again.

Damn him. He stole everything from you. Your freedom, your happiness, your youth, and now, this.

Aki opened his arms again, pulling you into a tight embrace, holding you like it was the last time. You buried your face in his chest, the sobs returning, harder now, your entire body trembling against him. His hands stroked your back, soothing, but it wasn’t enough to calm the storm raging inside you.

“But, just so you know,” He broke the silence, “You can still call me whenever you need me, okay? You have my number. Use it. I’ll be there faster than you can spell my name.”

Don’t tell me that, you thought. I’ll call you every single day that we’re apart.

You couldn’t breathe. Your chest was so tight, the weight of the decision crushing you. You had to protect yourself, had to let him go, but everything in you screamed that this was wrong. That you shouldn’t be doing this.

If this was the right thing—if this was truly to give Aki peace—then why did it feel so wrong? Why did it feel like your heart was being ripped out of your chest?

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” You sobbed, “You don’t deserve this.”

You clung to him, your sobs turning to gasps, your breath coming in ragged, desperate bursts. You couldn’t breathe. It hurt too much. But you didn’t let go. Neither of you did.

Because even though you both knew this was the end, neither of you was ready to say goodbye.

“You know I love you, troublemaker,” He cooed softly, kissing the top of your head.

This time, as the words left your lips, you felt yourself die a little, “I love you more.”

No stranger to the Tokyo train station, finding your husband’s train did not prove to be a difficult task. It rolled in at exactly 5:56 PM. Four minutes early. Your heart sank through your gut. Briefly, as the train doors slid open, you messed with your appearance – like you had done the whole time Aki had driven you up there in the passenger seat mirror, like he would be able to see the love bites you knew weren’t there, see remnants of your night with Aki all over your skin and face.

Then, holding a brown suitcase you remembered from your honeymoon, your husband finally stepped off of the train. His brown hair looked like it was freshly done, neatly trimmed around his ears and face. His eyes went wide the moment he saw you.

Had his nose always looked so… big?

“Tanimoto!” You called him, waving your arms around.

You swallowed hard, forcing a smile as you waved a little more frantically than you intended. Tanimoto beamed, but something about it felt off to you. The lopsided grin, which had once sent flutters through your chest, now seemed… worn. The lines around his mouth stretched awkwardly, and the dull sheen in his eyes made your stomach turn.

As he approached, dragging the familiar brown suitcase along the platform, you felt a pang of regret—of guilt—and something else you couldn’t quite place. His footsteps were slightly heavier than you remembered, his posture just a touch more hunched. It was like seeing him with new eyes, like you'd forgotten these details about him and were seeing them for the first time.

Your mind flashed back to Aki’s car, to the stolen glances in the rearview mirror, to the easy, careless laughter.

"Hey!" Tanimoto’s voice snapped you back to the moment. His arms reached out, and before you could stop yourself, you were in his embrace. You stiffened as his lips pressed a quick kiss on the top of your head, his breath warm against your scalp. It was a gesture that should’ve made you feel safe, but it didn’t. Instead, it made your skin itch.

“You got here early,” you said, stepping back as casually as possible. The scent of his cologne—familiar yet distant—lingered in the air between you. His brown eyes searched your face, but you avoided meeting them for too long, afraid of what he might see.

“I did,” he chuckled, “but looks like you were ready for me, huh?”

You forced another smile. “Of course.”

He took your hand, his fingers wrapping around yours with a tenderness that once made your heart race. Now, it just felt like a weight. He said something. You weren’t really listening. Instead, you found yourself hyper-focused on little things: the way his coat hung awkwardly off his frame, how his nose suddenly seemed far too large for his face.

Had he… always been like this? Or had you just... forgotten?

He squeezed your hand, and your mind flashed back to the feel of Aki’s hands, rougher, warmer, and somehow more real.

Tanimoto tugged you closer, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. "It's good to be back," he murmured, his lips lingering for a moment longer than you expected.

“Yeah,” you said, barely above a whisper. “Let’s call the cab.”

It had been a week since you last saw Aki, but it felt like a lifetime. His absence gnawed at you, leaving you restless and hollow, like a piece of you had gone missing.

You hadn't expected to miss him like this—hadn’t expected the nights to feel so long or the mornings so cold. Your mind kept drifting back to him, replaying every moment of that night over and over until it was almost too much to bear.

Who knew you would be craving him again like some sort of addict after only a week apart? Briefly, you couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way.

Now, sitting in a dimly lit restaurant, waiting for someone who wasn’t him, your fingers drummed anxiously on the table. The room was warm, cozy even, with soft candlelight flickering on polished wood and the low hum of conversations around you. The clinking of glasses and silverware provided a backdrop that should’ve been soothing, but instead, it only made your anxiety worse.

You checked your phone for the fifth time, willing time to move faster. He wouldn’t text. You told him not to. You knew that. But still.

"Sorry I’m late," A feminine voice said, surprisingly soft. Himeno adjusted her coat, smoothing it down, though her gaze barely met yours.

Across from you, she sat down with a sigh, finally breaking the tension that had been swirling in your chest. Her long, dark hair was a little longer than it had been the last time you saw her. Her eyes were tired but still held that edge – well, eye.

You offered a tight smile, feeling the awkwardness settle back between you like an old habit. "Thanks for coming out tonight, Himeno, I appreciate it."

"No, it’s fine," she replied with a sigh, finally lifting her gaze to meet yours. There was something different in it—less accusatory, more resigned. "I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about you."

"About?" you asked, though the answer was painfully obvious.

"And you-know-who," she said, her lips pressed into a thin line. Her nails tapped on the table as she spoke. "I shouldn’t have acted so mean. I was upset and catty, and I didn’t realize how badly I had taken the whole thing until I saw how upset he was about it."

Your heart skipped. "Upset?"

Himeno exhaled sharply, shaking her head as if still processing it all. "He asked me why you and I stopped talking. I told him I was upset that the two of you were sneaking around. He said I was acting like a spoiled child, that I had no right to be mad."

You couldn’t help it—a laugh escaped you, a short, bitter sound. "That sounds like him. I don’t think—"

The waiter arrived, momentarily cutting the conversation short. You ordered a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and two glasses – with which he returned after only a moment. As soon as he left, the air grew thick again.

Himeno poured the wine with practiced ease, the rich red liquid swirling as it filled your glasses. "No, he’s right," she said, handing you a glass before picking up her own. "I have no right to be upset about who he’s sleeping with."

Your throat tightened, and your pulse quickened. You grasped the glass, but it felt like lead in your hand. "We didn’t…"

Himeno’s laugh was dry. She raised an eyebrow and gave you a look that made you squirm. "You don’t have to lie to me," she said, her voice lower, calmer than you expected. "I didn’t hear anything solid—just petty rumors—but I can see it. His whole demeanor is different now. He cares about you, married or not. Something happened between you two, didn’t it?"

You felt the weight of her words pressing down on you, and the guilt you’d been pushing down for days rose to the surface. You stared at the wine swirling in your glass, then finally let out a long, tired sigh. “You can’t tell anyone.”

You haven’t told your husband yet?” Himeno asked, taking a long sip of her wine. The question hung heavy in the air between you, the weight of everything unsaid pressing down.

You shook your head, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “He’s a tricky situation for me. He’s abusive, a real piece of shit, and I just… I was too scared to divorce him because I knew it would be bad.” You had sighed, rubbing your hands together under the table. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m scared of him.”

Himeno’s expression had softened. Her face, usually sharp and guarded, had seemed to lose some of its edge as she had looked at you, really looked at you. The tension between you had shifted, not completely gone but different, more subdued.

“And Aki had just…” you hesitated, feeling your chest tighten, “He’s been so kind to me from the start. He pursued me with a passion I hadn’t even known existed. He had made me feel things I hadn’t felt in years.” You had paused, trying to collect your thoughts, but it had all spilled out too fast. “I was vulnerable, and I wanted to do something for myself for once. But it wasn’t… a one-time thing.”

Himeno’s eye had widened slightly, her glass hovering mid-air – stuck somewhere between her hand and her mouth.

“It would have been easier to tell him if it had been just a stupid one-night stand,” You continued, your voice barely above a whisper. “But it hadn’t been. I kept hanging around him, and I felt like I couldn’t stay away. Before I knew it, I felt something change.”

You had stopped for a moment, needing a breath. “And, Himeno, I felt horrible for what I had done that night, you have to understand. It really wasn’t my intention, but… he was persistent . And I realized I wanted something more from him. So we kept seeing each other, in secret, and now—” Your voice cracked, and you quickly swallowed the lump in your throat. “Now, I don’t know why, but I feel like I would die without him. He’s the first good thing that has come into my life in years.”

Himeno blinked, her mouth slightly open in shock, her wine glass still in hand. The pink flush of alcohol—or maybe embarrassment—had crept across her cheeks.

“But,” you had added quickly, trying to regain some control of the conversation, “You’ll be happy to know we've never been official. I told him we couldn’t see each other until my husband left Tokyo. I don’t want to lose him and a friend. You were right, Himeno. I shouldn’t have dragged Aki into my crazy, fucked-up marriage. In fact, I wish I could pretend none of this ever happened.”

You trailed off, staring into the half-empty wine glass in front of you, feeling the exhaustion settle deep into your bones. It had felt like confessing everything should have made you lighter, but instead, it had just made you feel… heavy.

Himeno had still been staring at you, frozen, her wide eye fixed on your face. “Oh my god,” She whispered, her voice barely audible over the low murmur of the restaurant. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips parted in shock. “You’re in love with him.”

There had been a pause, and you fumbled for the right words, the right way to explain this away. “Yeah, I mean, I was—I am—but it’s over now! I told him we had to stop seeing each other. It’s better that he’s with someone like you who can actually be there for him. I’m going to go back to Kyoto, divorce my husband, and then—therapy, probably. And then I’ll think about—”

“He’s hot, sure, but I don’t want him anymore. Besides, it won’t make a difference,” Himeno cut you off, her voice flat. “You might think you’d be able to move on, but Aki won’t. I can’t just steal him back from you.”

“Why not?” you asked, a little too quickly. “That’s what I did.”

Himeno shook her head, a dry laugh escaping her. “He’s got a big heart. It’s different. I was only upset because I didn’t know your intentions with him, at first. I thought you were going to take advantage of him,” She said, her voice softening. “But you love him. And I think he loves you, too. He was never mine to begin with, and he sure as hell won’t be mine now that he’s gotten a taste of you. That’s something I had to come to terms with a while ago.” Her lips had curled into a small smile. “As far as I’m concerned, that’s your man. He’s not mine to keep – he’s been yours since the moment you got off that damn train. You won, fair and square.”

You shook your head, the weight of her words pressing on your chest. “It’s not a competition, Himeno.”

“It’s not, you’re right.” She shrugged, her voice casual, but her gaze was kind and imploring, almost a little bittersweet – as if she couldn’t help but feel the slightest pang of sadness that he hadn’t been with her instead. “That kid is fucking crazy about you. He’s become insufferable ever since you left him. You can’t just walk away from it like that.”

“It’s not like I wanted to.” The words had come out as a sigh, heavy and tired. “I wish there could be some sort of happy ending for us, I really do. But I know my husband. At least for now, I have to stay away from him. It would be good for both of us.”

“God, you really are a mess.” Himeno leaned back in her chair, running a hand through her hair. “Hopeless idiots, the both of you. Sounds like a whole bunch of mukka-lukka about shit that doesn’t even really matter.” She rolled her eyes, but there had been something affectionate in her tone, like she had resigned herself to the chaos of it all.

“It matters—” you had started, but Himeno cut you off before you could finish.

“No, it doesn’t,” she had said firmly, leaning in slightly. “What matters is that you two have something special. You don’t want to walk away from it, do you?”

You hesitated, fingers curling around the stem of your wine glass. “No, not really, but—”

“There is no but ,” Himeno interrupted, her voice sharp but not unkind. “If you’re gonna steal my handsome partner away from me, you better ride that train to the last stop. You make each other happy. It’ll work itself out.”

You chewed on her words, the truth of them settling in your gut like a slow burn. “I guess you’re right. After everything’s said and done, though, I’m not really sure he’ll be there for me to come back to.”

“He will,” Himeno sighed, leaning back in her chair with an exasperated look. “That’s the issue. Stop being stupid and go get your man. I’m sick of watching him mope around like a sad little child.”

You huffed, conflicted. “I don’t know. Should I? It doesn’t feel right.”

Himeno raised an eyebrow. “You said you’re divorcing him anyway, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t—” You took a deep breath, the weight of it all pressing down on you. “I don’t want him to hurt me or Aki.”

“Then don’t let him find out,” Himeno snapped, her voice sharp like a whip. “Aki’s strong enough to protect the both of you, anyway.”

“What if it’s out of my control?” you asked, feeling the panic rise in your throat. “People talk.”

“It’s all just background noise,” Himeno sighed, leaning back in her chair, the dim light catching the faint smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “For the record, I never said anything to anyone. I know you’re thinking it.”

You bit back your instinctive retort, swallowing hard. “I don’t—” You paused, eyes narrowing, your tone softer now. “I don’t know why you didn’t.”

“Why would I want to shatter his image?” she replied, her voice calm, though there had been something sad lurking beneath her casual tone. “I care about him, you know. You’re an extension of him, now. You can’t keep living in fear of your husband. You’re not powerless. It’s the twentieth century.”

The weight of those words settled in your chest, heavier than you had expected. You didn’t know what to say, the relief tinged with the sharp edge of guilt. “He’d kill me if he found out through someone else.”

Himeno raised an eyebrow, her lips curling into a knowing smile. “He doesn’t have to know. For now,” she said, her voice laced with mischief. A little firmer, she offered, “Just because your husband’s in Tokyo, doesn’t mean you can’t talk to the kid. You can behave, can’t you? Just for a while? Just long enough to see him?”

The thought of seeing Akitwisted something deep inside of you, and you weren’t able to help but pout, your voice low. “I do wanna see him, just… not to talk.”

Himeno’s laugh had been sudden and bright, cutting through the heaviness in the air – a sound you didn’t realize you had missed until now. “Naughty girl! God, I missed you,” she teased, slapping your arm lightly, her grin wide and mischievous. Then, her demeanor had shifted, softened. She had reached across the table, extending her hand toward you. “Start over? You and me? What do you say?”

For a moment, you just stared at her, mind spinning, trying to process what she was offering. The tension that had sat between the two of you for so long had felt like it was starting to unravel. You blinked, your lips parting in surprise.

“I could really use a girlfriend,” Himeno added, her smile tinged with something a little more vulnerable now. “It’s hard to talk to other women my age. Most of ‘em don’t live that long..”

Her words hit you harder than you’d expected, a strange warmth spreading through your chest. The walls you’d both built had started to crumble, and for the first time, you felt the potential for something more than this guarded, awkward rivalry. Something like friendship. Maybe even understanding.

A small smile tugged at your lips as you nodded. “Okay, yeah… let’s start over.”

Her hand was warm when you shook on it, and when your glasses clinked together in a quiet toast, it felt like a truce—fragile, but real.

For a beat, there had been peace.

But then, Himeno grinned, that playful spark dancing in her eyes. She took a slow sip of her wine, setting the glass down deliberately before leaning forward with that all-too-familiar wicked grin.

“So,” She began, her voice dripping with curiosity, “Tell me, as your friend and not as Aki’s partner. How’s the sex?”

You had choked, sputtering on your wine. “ Himeno. ”

“What? I wanna know!” Himeno leaned forward with a whine, her eye practically sparkling with curiosity. “Now that I’m not interested in experiencing it for myself, I need all the juicy details.”

You rolled your eyes, but the smirk that had played at your lips had betrayed you. Despite the absurdity of the conversation, it had felt like a release, an unburdening of something you’d kept bottled up for far too long. With a cheeky tilt of your head, you decided to indulge her for a while, “Absolutely divine .”

“Groundbreaking?” Himeno’s eyebrow arched, her grin widening as she leaned closer, elbows resting on the table.

“ Bed -breaking,” You shot back without hesitation, a soft laugh escaping your lips. It felt good—better than you’d expected—to finally share this with someone, to let the secret of your affair slip into the open, even if only between the two of you. You felt the weight lifting from your chest as the words spilled out. “He’s a fiend. Totally different from that buttoned-up, serious Captain you see at work. He’s so… passionate and considerate. Like, ridiculously attentive. And… insatiable.”

Himeno’s eyes flashed with interest, her lips curling into an amused smile. “But is he good , though?” Her voice lowered conspiratorially, as if you were two schoolgirls gossiping about a secret crush.

You couldn’t help the flush that crept up your neck. The memories had hit you hard—the way Aki had touched you, the way his breath had felt against your skin, his intensity, his need for you. You let out a deep, satisfied sigh, almost involuntarily.

" Yes ," you had whispered, your voice dipping low as the heat of the memory overtook you. " God,yes."

Your eyes practically shut for a moment as the flashbacks played out in your mind. The ghost of his touch lingered on your skin, sliding up your thighs, pressing a kiss to your heat – His hands, his lips, the way his eyes fluttered shut when he slid inside of you for the first time, like it took everything he had to hold on, like you were the only woman in the entire world.

God, you missed him.

You dropped your voice, as if sharing a precious secret. “Can’t get enough of it, really.”

Himeno’s grin spread wide across her face, and her laughter came easily, as if the revelation had been exactly what she’d expected. "So he’s got you dick-whipped , huh?" She hummed, the words rolling off her tongue with wicked delight.

"For lack of a better word… yes," You admitted, but you couldn’t stop the smile pulling at your lips. The embarrassment had risen in your chest, but so had the thrill of confessing it aloud for the first time.

Himeno’s playful teasing had felt like a release, like she was giving you permission to laugh at the absurdity of your situation.

Himeno, still grinning, raised an eyebrow knowingly. "Denji said he saw you limp into the kitchen the other day."

Your eyes widened, a mixture of horror and exasperation flooding your face. "Did he?" You groaned, pressing your fingers to your temples as if you could will away the embarrassment. "Aki made him swear he wouldn’t tell anyone."

Himeno snickered, clearly relishing the story. "I’m not just anyone ." Her tone had been smug, and she had gestured with her hands, mimicking a measurement as if to add insult to injury, spreading her two pointer fingers further apart with each word. "And between me and you, girl – Congratulations ."

Your face burned, and you buried it in your hands, trying to suppress the laughter bubbling up inside you. "Oh my God ," you muttered through your fingers, voice muffled but laced with laughter. “Quiet down before someone overhears!"

Back at the hotel, you were just about ready to call it a night. Donning a waffle-print robe, you watched a pay-per-view on the television screen. Your husband was rummaging around the hotel room the two of you had been sharing for the past week.

He flopped down onto the bed next to you

Without warning, he turned off the TV and slid closer, straddling you. His lips pressed gently against your neck, his kisses tender but insistent.

“Baby, stop,” you laughed, trying to push him away with a half-hearted shove.

He didn’t relent, his lips trailing from your neck to your ear. You tried again, “Stop it, seriously.”

But he was persistent, his kisses becoming more insistent. You shifted under him, more firmly this time. “No, seriously—stop it. I’m not in the mood.”

He pulled back slightly, a sigh escaping his lips as he rolled off you, laying down beside you with a resigned thud. “You’re never in the mood. I thought after being apart, you’d want to make up for lost time.”

You were silent for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts. “I’m just tired,” you finally said, rubbing your eyes. “It’s been a long day. Himeno and I had a lot to drink. I’d really rather just go to sleep. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

He turned his head, looking at you with a mixture of frustration and hurt. “It was tomorrow yesterday, and the day before that, and every night for the past week,” he retorted.

His words stung, hitting closer to home than you wanted to admit. You knew he was right, but you didn’t want to confront it. “I said I was sorry,” he continued, his voice a mix of anger and desperation. “What, do you want me to beg?”

You scoffed, feeling the guilt mix with your exhaustion. “What? No, I just… I’m not mad at you. I’m just tired. Can’t we just let it be for tonight?”

He stared at you, his expression a mixture of hurt and resignation. “You’re punishing me for what happened before you left, aren’t you?”

You didn’t say anything, your silence a tacit admission. The room was heavy with unspoken words and unresolved issues.

He sighed deeply, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t know how to fix this if you keep shutting me out.”

You felt a pang of regret. “It’s not about shutting you out,” you murmured. “I just need some rest. Tomorrow, I promise. We can talk then.”

He didn’t respond, the silence between you thick with tension. You reached over, resting a hand on his arm, but the gesture felt too little, too late. Quickly, you withdrew your hand.

“I said I was sorry,” he said, his voice edged with frustration. “What, do you want me to beg?”

You scoffed, already pissed the hell off about the entire conversation so far. “What? No, I just… I’m not mad at you. I’m just tired. It had been a long day. Himeno and I had drunk more than we probably should have. I’d really rather just go to sleep. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

He rolled his eyes, his irritation palpable. “It was tomorrow yesterday, and the day before that, and every night for the past week.”

You tried to explain, though your voice lacked the conviction you wished it had. “I just haven’t been feeling good.”

Truthfully, you couldn’t imagine a worse idea. The thought of another man’s touch filled you with revulsion. You felt a peculiar sense of loyalty to Aki, as though the mere notion of being with anyone else was a betrayal of your own beliefs. It was as if Aki had imprinted himself on you in such a way that being with another man seemed not just unappealing, but downright wrong .

He had huffed, settling heavily into the bed. “Sure,” he sighed. “Well, then let’s sleep.”

He’s giving up that easily? You furrowed your brows. “What?”

“That’s what you wanted, right?” Ge said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Sorry for thinking my wife missed me. Goodnight.”

You had tossed the blankets aside, your anger bubbling over as you rolled out of the bed. “Oh, don’t fucking act like that.”

“You’re one to talk – you’ve been acting distant ever since you left for Tokyo. It’s like you’re not even happy to see me .”

Feeling trapped and overwhelmed, you had grabbed a robe and slipped on your outdoor slippers, reaching for the hotel room key. The cool metal felt oddly comforting against your palm.

“I’m not doing this,” you had said, your voice heavy with resignation. “Goodnight, Tanimoto.”

“Where are you going?” he had asked, a note of panic creeping into his voice.

“To the gas station, or somewhere. I don’t know,” you had replied, your hand already on the door. “I’m going crazy in here with you. I need a break. I’m going to get a snack.”

You walked out the door, clicking the door shut behind you. Then, you turned your back on him and walked – walked away until you reached the stairs, until you reached the first floor, until you reached the empty lobby, where you collapsed on one of the complimentary sofas. The air carried that distinct aroma that only hotels seemed to carry.

With a stressed sigh, you rubbed your hands over your face.

Pulling out your phone, you stared at the screen, the weight of Himeno’s words still heavy in your mind.

“Just because your husband’s in Tokyo, doesn’t mean you can’t talk to the kid. You can behave, can’t you? Just for a while? Just long enough to see him?”

“You can’t keep living in fear of your husband. You’re not powerless. It’s the twentieth century.”

And, in a moment of weakness, you dialed that damn number – the one you knew you shouldn’t have been calling. You dialed it and held your breath as the line rang once, twice–

“Hey,” Aki answered on the second ring. His voice was warm and familiar and immediately concerned – you missed him so badly. “You okay?”

You nearly broke down crying at the mere sound of him. It felt as if it had been so long since you had heard his voice, seen his face, felt his lips on yours. A week away, and it felt as if you had shot yourself through the heart.

“I wanna see you,” You gnawed on your lip, trying to keep your voice steady, “Can you come get me?”

“It’s 11 at night,” He chuckled softly, though his voice didn’t hold an ounce of malice. “I thought you said we couldn’t see each other?”

“I wanna go for a drive,” You answered. You could cry. You wanted him to come get you – to rescue you from this Hell you created for yourself, to hold you close and tell you everything was going to be alright, that he missed you as much as you missed him. “ Please?”

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line, as if he were taking a moment to deliberate, before he released a long, tired sigh, “You still at the Hilton?”

I love you.

“Yeah,” A smile graced your face at the thought of seeing him again.

It felt an awful lot like you had just returned from war to him.

In the background of the call, you heard him rustling around. Then there was the distinct, reassuring jingle of a keychain, “ Alright. Be there in ten.”

“I’ll be waiting in the lobby,” Your grin only widened – you felt a burst of excitement, as if you were a schoolgirl all over again.

Only he had the power to make you feel that way.

You hung up and leaned back into the chair, letting the couch cradle you.

The next ten minutes seemed to drag by. You tried to burn some time by walking around the lobby, then by flipping through the entire stack of magazines next to your couch – all while your eyes never strayed from the clock above the door.

You were restless. So much so, in fact, that the moment it hit 11:12, exactly ten minutes after you had hung up, you felt your heart begin to flutter with uncertainty. Would he come? Was he running late? Did he get into an accident?

Did he still love you?

Just as you had begun to worry, you heard it – that telltale honk of a car horn outside.

Immediately, you bolted for the door, your robe flaring around you and slippers slapping against the polished floor. Your heart pounded as you spotted his sedan parked against the side of the building, away from the windows. Without a second thought, you hurried towards the car, barely noticing the cool night air against your bare legs – holding your robe tight around your chest as if that would calm the unsteady beating of your heart.

You flung open the passenger door and slipped inside, the familiar scent of him enveloping you. Then, when you were settled in, he peered down at you with those pretty blue eyes of his – lovingly, adoringly, for the first time in a week (and then some, though it had felt like a decade).

All traces of the word ‘Behave’ disappeared from your mind the moment you laid eyes on him. He was wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and an oversized blue sweater. His hair was down – a little frizzy, like he had just woken up.

“ Aki –” You sighed after all of one second, throwing your arms around him and pulling him in for a kiss that was both urgent and fervent.

You pressed yourself against him, your body seeking the familiar warmth of his presence. As your lips met his, the kiss started gently, a tender brush of connection that soon deepened with longing. His lips were soft and slightly cool, a contrast to the heat that surged between you. You parted them slightly, your tongue tentatively exploring the contours of his mouth, seeking the taste that had become so familiar and intoxicating.

Aki responded with a quiet moan, his hands sliding up to cradle your face. His fingers were warm and rough against your skin, a grounding presence that made your pulse quicken even more. He smelled like him , like home.

You felt his breath hitch as you pressed closer, desperately. His hands roamed to your shoulders, pulling you closer.

When you finally broke apart, your foreheads rested against each other, breaths mingling in the small space between you. Your eyes fluttered open to meet his, and the gaze you shared was filled with a mix of relief, desire, and a touch of vulnerability. You could see the same raw emotion reflected in his eyes.

He laughed a little breathlessly, then, cheeks tinted with pink, “Hey, troublemaker.”

You couldn’t help but giggle back – like you weren’t hunched over the console of his car, making out with him in the hotel parking lot while your husband went to bed, “I missed you.”

“I can see that,” He smiled timidly, gently, handsomely and – Ugh!!

“I can’t keep living like this,” You breathed out, cupping his face, feeling the contours of his jaw. It felt as if he would disappear again the moment you let him go. “Not seeing you. Not knowing when I’ll see you again. It’s driving me crazy.”

“Me, too. I’ve barely slept,” He replied, “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

“In secret, then,” You nodded, licking your lips, “We’ll see each other, still, just… in secret.”

“I don’t want to keep being your secret,” He answered with a sigh. His brows furrowed. “I wanna bewith you.”

“I’ll leave him–” You begged him. Anything – Anything to make him stay. You would do anything for him. “I’ll leave him, I swear. As soon as we’re done with this fucking– with this position in Tokyo, I’ll see an attorney. I’ll get the papers, and–”

“You don’t have to worry about all of that right now,” He smoothed his hand over your arm, over the fabric of your robe.

“But it’s not fair to you,” You raised your voice ever-so-slightly, desperately, “I can’t keep leading you on like this. You deserve my everything , not just… being on the side. I wanna be with you and only you, all of you. I wanna leave and start over with you, start a new life with you, and a new apartment, and–”

Aki’s actions spoke much louder than his words. Gently, he reached for your head, pulling it close enough to cradle it to his chest. You buried your nose in his neck.

“I feel so trapped , Aki– it’s like I can’t even breathe when I’m not around you. I don’t know what it means, but it feels as if–” Before you knew it, your eyes were watering, and your voice trembled with that weakness you hated so much, “It feels as if I shot myself right through the heart.”

“Hey,” He spoke up, calm and collected, as he typically was. “What’s wrong? Did something happen? Did he hurt you?”

“Not physically,” You cried. “I just– I can’t take it anymore– I need to leave.”

“Then let’s leave,” He commented. His hand twitched towards the gear shift. Still, he didn’t move the car just yet, letting you make the next move. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I wanna go home with you, Aki,” You wiped your tears away with the back of your hand. Sitting straight up in your seat, you looked up at him, “Please, I can’t– I don’t wanna go back in that room with him.”

“You know you can’t come home with me, baby,” He smiled softly – like the fucking angel he was. “I don’t want you to get in trouble. Not tonight.”

“I don’t even fucking care anymore,” You snapped, “I love you , Aki. I need you.”

And he leaned down, nose brushing against yours, touching the side of your face so gently that you thought he was a dream. “I need you, too,” He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, “I love you, too,” Another, and then he sighed, “Don’t tempt me. I’m trying to keep you out of trouble.”

“Take me away from here,” You pleaded. You felt so weak . Your husband made you weak. You were weak for Aki, too.

Home wasn’t in Kyoto. Home was wherever his arms were.

“I will,” He answered. Sitting back, he finally shifted the car into gear – his blue eyes seemed to focus on the tear that made its way down your cheek. “Where to? Wanna go to the gas station and get a snack? A slushy?”

After a momentary pause, you nodded, wiping your tears away.

“It’s okay,” He cooed, softly, patiently. “He can’t hurt you. You’re safe. We’re gonna get you a nice snack and then you’re gonna feel better, and you’re gonna tell me what happened.”

You only nodded again. Then, you let him drive you off into the night, leaving your clueless husband in the dust – leaving that damned hotel behind. And, for the first time since you had left his apartment a week or so ago, you felt a little better.

Aki pulled the car into the gas station, the warm glow of the neon signs casting a soft light over the hood. You glanced at him as the car came to a stop, and it struck you, as it always did, just how effortlessly attractive he was. Off the clock, away from the neat suits and crisp shirts, Aki looked so different, yet somehow even better. His sweatshirt hung from him just right, showcasing the broad line of his shoulders and the lean strength in his arms. His sweatpants were comfortably worn, soft at the edges, and hung low on his hips. His hair, usually slicked back for work, now fell loosely around his face in a tousled mess that made him look younger, more relaxed.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, giving you a quick, easy smile before stepping out of the car. You watched him walk into the store, his movements casual, unhurried, like he wasn’t weighed down by anything—not by you, not by tonight, not by the storm brewing inside you.

You stared out the window, trying to steady your racing thoughts. The air between you and Aki always seemed charged, even when nothing was happening. You wanted to believe this was all harmless—a gas station run, some time away—but there was something more, and you both knew it.

A few minutes later, the door clicked open, and Aki slid back into the driver’s seat. He handed you a slushy and a small bag of donuts, the sugary scent filling the car. “I remember you telling me you liked these,” he said, his tone so casual, but the weight of the small gesture felt heavy.

Your heart did a small, involuntary flip. That he’d remembered something so small—so inconsequential—made your chest tighten. You smiled softly, the warmth of the moment settling over you. “Thank you,” you whispered, taking the bag from him.

You turned to him, taking a sip of your slushy before speaking. “I don’t think we can do that again.”

Aki glanced at you, sipping on his slushy. “Do what?” he mumbled through a full mouth.

“Break up,” you said, wiping the condensation off your cup. “I was messed up the whole week. Thought it’d be easier, I dunno.”

Aki paused, sipping thoughtfully. “Break up?” He raised an eyebrow, then took another bite. “Is that what it was?”

“Kinda,” you admitted with a small smile, picking at the edge of your donut. “At least, it sure felt like one.”

He nodded, taking a long sip from his slushy. “I agree.” A beat passed, and then, with a teasing grin, he asked, “So… are we un-broken up?”

You snorted, shaking your head. “You mean seeing each other again?”

Aki shrugged, a smirk playing on his lips. “If you insist.”

“It was more like a break, really,” you shot back, laughing. “We knew we’d be together again someday. Does that count?”

Aki plucked a donut from the bag you had propped open in your lap. “Someday, huh?” he replied, pretending to be offended as he polished it off in two bites. “I think we both knew you wouldn’t be gone long.”

You rolled your eyes, grabbing another donut. “Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.” Then your voice softened, and you glanced at him seriously. “But really, Aki, I don’t wanna live without you. I need you.”

He turned toward you, the playful banter giving way to something more real. “Yeah,” he said quietly, his blue eyes softening. “I need you too.”

He started the car again, the low hum of the engine filling the silence as you both sat back. You sipped your slushy while Aki took small, deliberate pulls from his own, his eyes focused on the road ahead. You smacked on the donuts, savoring the sweetness as if it could distract you from the heaviness of everything else.

After a few quiet moments, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. “He kept talking tonight,” you began, your voice low, almost as if you were ashamed to bring it up. “Saying I don’t seem excited to see him. That I never… touch him anymore.” You swallowed hard, staring out the window as you spoke, afraid to meet Aki’s gaze. “It’s like he doesn’t get it. He really doesn’t know what he did wrong.”

Aki didn’t say anything right away. He just kept driving, his hands steady on the wheel, his slushy untouched in the cup holder now. But you knew he was listening, really listening. You had to admire his patience – lord knew that you would not be able to sit before him as composed as he was if it were him talking about his wife.

“I just need to take my mind off of everything for a while,” you admitted, your voice soft, almost pleading. You felt drained, like you were holding on to too much for too long.

The thought of Aki belonging to anyone else, selfishly enough, made your skin crawl.

Did you have a right?

“I can help,” Aki said, and the shift in his voice was unmistakable. The air between you seemed to change, thickening with something unspoken but undeniably real.

You glanced over at him, and the look on his face made your heart skip. His jaw was set, strong and sharp in the dim light from the dashboard, but there was something else in his eyes—something teasing, a little dangerous. His lips quirked up at the corners, a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and his gaze dropped to your mouth for just a second before flicking back to the road.

Your mouth ran dry. The heat between you was rising, the tension humming louder now. “With what?” you asked, the words catching in your throat as your pulse quickened.

He glanced at you again, slower this time, eyes lingering on you before returning to the road. “Taking your mind off of it,” he added, voice low, each word deliberate, as if he knew exactly what he was doing.

Your breath caught in your chest, and the weight of the moment hung heavy between you, pressing down until it felt like the only thing in the world that mattered was whatever Aki had in mind next.

“How?” you asked, your voice soft but edged with curiosity, your heart racing in your chest.

Aki’s eyes darted toward you for just a second, a slow, knowing smile tugging at his lips. He nodded toward the back seat, where the fogged windows and dim light hinted at the kind of escape you both knew so well. The implication was clear, and your pulse quickened, excitement threading through your veins.

You knew you should refuse. You knew you should just say, not tonight , go back to your hotel room, and leave Aki with the weight of everything you'd already asked of him. It would have been the right thing to do, the smart thing. But that gnawing pull toward him, the heat between you, made it impossible to walk away.

You couldn’t suppress the smile that spread across your face, playful and just a little dangerous. “What happened to seeing each other in private?” you teased.

He raised a brow, smirk widening as he leaned closer. “You never said anything about fuckingeach other in private,” He countered, his tone low and teasing, the words hanging heavy in the space between you.

You exhaled a shocked little laugh, the tension between you both electric. “We’re not hooking up, Aki,” you sighed, biting your lip. Your heart raced as you leaned into him, the heat of his body pulling you in.

“What’s a better way to celebrate getting over a break-up –” He teased, “Than makeup sex?”

“Not happening. Don’t start,” you retorted before closing the gap, your lips pressing a tender kiss into his.

But, for the record, you wound up crawling back into bed with your husband an hour later like nothing had happened.

a/n: I WANTED TO MAKE THIS MORE OF A SLOW BURN. but i absolutely HATED making them so miserable. they cant live without eachother. also aki's sigh of "be there in 10?" UGHSFHFDHFGHFG!!! i was so geeked up writing this. the next chapter coming will be full of that sweet goodness you all know and love (and know imma give you every time). stay tuned! lmk what yall thought of that long ass chapter, and what you wanna see happen in future ones!!! Mama loves yall. Make sure you're taking your meds, drinking water, and doing your homework. Muah! x

credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505

wanna join the taglist? | shameless ; chapter index

#notiddygxthgf ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚#shameless!#aki hayakawa #aki x reader #aki hayakawa x reader #hayakawa aki x reader #csm x reader #chainsaw man x reader #aki smut #aki x you #aki hayakawa x you #hayakawa aki x you

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boydepartment · 1 year ago

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spoil it all- uni student! nishimura riki x uni student! reader

a/n: RHHHHHHHHRAHHHHHHHRAHHAHAHAHHA :3 trying new layout i am sorry if its a lil ugly

warnings- fluff! little angst…! inspired by frank sinatra’s something stupid!

wc- 500-800 words

MASTERLIST

I know I stand in line

Until you think you have the time…

you slipped on your shoes and made your way down the street, it was spring time and you had a small break off school. it was exciting and what was even more exciting was that your best friend here was FINALLY free the same time as you. riki was a hard worker and even being friends he put his work and studies first.

you had grown up a lot in the past couple years with riki, you accidentally met on coincidence and have been talking ever since. both being foreigners studying in a new country. you’d facetime, text, send eachother memes, almost inseparable. unless he had work or was practicing his dancing, or just didn’t have time due to his studies.

so when he called you telling you to come over and hang out with him, you practically rushed over. why wouldn’t you?

To spend an evening with me

And if we go some place to dance…

you both ended up dancing around his small apartment, obviously he was a little better than you, being a dance major and all…

neither of you minded though, he was your best friend and why would he care?

you only cared a little bit… a lot actually…

you always cared, you saw how much he worked on his studies and how much he puts into everything he does.

it was admirable. you wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of him.

I know that there's a chance

You won't be leaving with me

you both were laying on the carpet that was freshly vacuumed. the dancing had taken you out and you both were giggling and breathing heavily.

“i wanted to talk to you about something…” riki started and leaned on his side, you turned to him and wiped your forehead.

“what is it?” your heart was pounding. you didn’t know why. maybe it was a sliver of hope.

riki moved onto his stomach now and ran his heads through his hair, his makeshift bracelets jingling, “after university i think i want to go to a training program.”

you blinked as you looked at him, riki had been talking about becoming a professional dancer anywhere after college since you’ve met him.

you smiled at him, “where do you think you’ll go?”

riki looked at you and grinned, “i dunno, korea, new york… maybe back home in japan… i haven’t decided.” he rubbed his eyes and looked up, “maybe i’ll even go to california.”

“i believe in you.”

of course you did, and you’ll always support him. even after college, even after this period of time was over and you both will probably never talk again, after you don’t need eachother anymore, even after all of that. you’d always believe in him, your best friend.

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place

And have a drink or two

later on in the night you stood in his dim kitchen making tea. giggling as it was 2am and everything was just so funny. you felt like kids again at a sleepover.

“okay i swear i know how to make my moms tea.” riki said and spoke a lot by nodding his head and moving his hands.

you started to laugh silently, covering your face, “riki i don’t know if it’s supposed to look like that!”

he threw his head back and laughed, rolling up the sleeves of his hoodie that matched yours.

you both got matching hoodies last semester because he got tired of having to shoo off locals who tried to talk to you. so he fixed the problem. that was the first time you realized you saw him more than a best friend.

you watched him rush over to the tea bags and threw them in the pot, one of the papers was still attached and it caught fire.

riki jumped back, “WHAT DO I DO?!”

you started laughing, falling to the floor, “it’ll- it should- it’ll burn out quickly just turn off- turn off the stove!”

immediately he listened and looked at you on the floor, a little longer than a friend would, a small smile on his face before he started laughing just as hard as you.

And then I go and spoil it all

after the tea fiasco you both laid down in his room. it was around 4 am and he had soft lights around his room. it was still dark but little nooks and crannies of his room were illuminated.

“do you remember when that girl in your class asked if you were single?” you asked while readjusting the blanket. you were both talking about stories throughout your time here at the university.

riki covered his eyes and chuckled slightly, “i froze up! and started speaking japanese- yes of course i remember!”

“you did the same thing to me when that guy came up to me!” you exclaimed and shoved his arm, he acted like he was hurt and pretended to cry. then he stopped and looked at you.

“that guy was ugly you could do so much better. of course i cursed him out in japanese.”

your jaw dropped and you started laughing, “RIKI STOP THATS MEAN!” you went to shove him again but he ended up grabbing a pillow and smacking you, lightly.

you both were giggling after the play fight and you were trying to brush hair out of face. he was above you still laughing and you could help but stare at him.

he was so pretty to you, obviously you always noticed this, you’ve dyed his hair multiple times, done his makeup for some university and community performances, you had every mole on his face memorized. the little details of your best friend were your favorite. and his personality was even more beautiful to you, you loved everything about him. his laugh, the way he words things, how he talks and laughs with his whole body, you were in love with him.

“what?!” riki asked, almost taunting in a way, still playing around.

By saying somethin' stupid like, "I love you"

without even thinking you spoke, “i love you…”

“what?”

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aloneinthehellfire · 9 months ago

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Chapter Seven: We Are The Pariahs

The Pariahs That Saved The World

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: vecna's curse, mentions of death, mentions of homophobia, bad father-daughter relationship (story of my life)

[A/N: omg she made it out of her writers block era!!!! I am so so sorry for the long wait on this chapter, I had planned to write it ages ago but felt myself losing part of my creativity (it's a very long story about the trials and tribulations of an arts uni student) but I am trying to make it up to you all by bringing you the most packed chapter yet! And totally not because I was rushing to get to write my favourite part of the series, okay bye]

We Are The Pariahs

You never thought you’d see this room again.

Soft pink walls, almost entirely covered in movie posters and band memorabilia, a fluffy carpet that felt like home beneath your feet. But it wasn’t the room that made your heart beat faster. It was the girl sat on the bed, mascara tears coating her cheeks.

“Heather?” Your voice was small, scared to spook her.

“Y/n? Is that you?”

Her broken voice almost made you run to her, swoop her in your arms, tell her everything was fine.

No, she isn’t real. Y/n… none of this is real.

You were supposed to be stood in the Upside Down, searching for a way out. You had been calling out for Dustin, you saw… you saw something. What did you see?

“Why weren’t you there?”

Heather’s eyes turn dark, her voice dropping to an abnormal pitch. A jolt of fear from your chest settles into a pit of despair in your stomach.

Vecna. You had seen Vecna.

“You… you could have saved me…” Heather’s cheeks were wet with tears, her mascara slithering down her face likes vines. “You weren’t there.”

No mater how hard you tried, no words escaped the lump in your throat. After all, was anything you could say going to stop Vecna?

“I will always hate you for what you did.”

A sob breaks free from your lips, and a smirk etches onto her face, a face slowly peeling away until all that was left was a red and raw face of horror.

“You never let yourself trust your own gut,” Vecna stands from Heather’s bed, creeping closer as you press yourself further into the wall, “Y/n… always the follower…”

“What do you want?” You manage to whisper, turning your face away as his claws begin to rise above you.

“I am giving you one last chance to finally save someone,” He spits, milky white eyes examining yours, “I want you to warn them all, show them…”

His rotten breath fans against your face and you cry, feeling your head tilt back under his control. He leans impossibly closer, seething venomous words into your ear.

“Tell Eleven… or your soul will be next.”

A silent scream leaves you paralysed, eyes wide as something hot pierces your mind.

Flashing images, displays of terror and destruction. You saw your friends, your family, all burning. Hawkins was crumbling, a giant monster with a gaping mouth breaching through the gates. Chaos flew in wisps of ash and fire until there was nothing but total and complete darkness.

“Tell them…”

“Where is it?!”

Robin could hear Steve and Nancy upstairs rummaging through her bedroom drawers for a hope of a Walkman or even that stupid music box, anything. The longer they took, the paler Robin felt. She was stood in front of you, yelling into your ears, trying to shake you awake from your deathly still posture.

“It’s not gonna work!” Eddie stresses behind her for the millionth time, a higher level of panic detected in his voice with each announcement. “Chrissy didn’t- oh my god, she’s gonna end up like Chrissy. My best friend is gonna-”

“Eddie!” Robin snaps at him, his eyes widening in shock. “We are all fucking terrified right now but I need you to get a grip! STEVE! WHERE’S THE MUSIC?!”

“WE’RE WORKING ON IT!” He yells back, matching her own panicked tone, and Robin could almost throw up.

She knew exactly what was going to happen the moment she saw your face drop, the strike of fear on your features as you stared into your reflection. She already anticipated your shoulders to drop and your eyes to roll back. She just didn’t make it to you in time.

“Please, please, please.” Robin begs you, her throat tightening with every flutter of your eyelids.

A choked gasp shouldn’t have been the sweetest sound Robin thinks she’ll ever hear, but once it escaped your lips, relief washes over her like the tide.

You stumble forward and she only just manages to catch you, Eddie already lunging across the room to help. They both lower you to the floor, allow you to sit as you try and catch your breath.

“You’re okay. You’re okay, we got you.” Eddie kept saying, your wild eyes darting around the room like you were afraid of the shadows, clinging onto his arm.

And Robin just sat there, staring at you, trapped in her own fear of the torment she shouldn’t have been feeling. It felt even worse knowing she had anticipated it all.

“What happened?” She finally asks when your breathing is steadier, watching as a pained expression is woven into your features before disappearing in a flash, shaking your head.

“He… he was warning me. Us. Told us to stop.” You nod feverishly, enough to spark curiosity.

But before Robin could question any further, two sets of footsteps come barrelling down the staircase.

“We got it! We got it- it’s right here!” Steve stumbles over his own words, panting for breath as he holds a Walkman in his hand, presenting it to the ceiling like a trophy. Robin blinks.

“You’re only like 5 minutes late.” She rolls her eyes and Steve looks exasperated, a sigh of relief exhaling from his lungs when he notices you sat there.

“Oh, thank god.” He runs a hand through his hair, laughing nervously. “We couldn’t find any music.”

“You couldn’t-” Robin frowns, shaking her head at him. “Then what the hell were we meant to do with that thing?”

“Improvise?” Steve offers and Nancy clears her throat.

“Sorry.” She surrenders, looking at you. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” You nod, attempting a smile but it didn’t settle right on your lips. “Just… just another threat.”

And with yet another lie, they all seemed satisfied enough to continue their mission; contact Dustin. To which they were successful, using light as communication that you usually would find yourself fascinated with. But the entire time you sat there as the others smiled, you couldn’t block out his voice.

“Tell Eleven… or your soul will be next.”

“You and Wayne really aren’t keeping up on the housecleaning.” You comment, and Robin lets out a snort behind you.

Eddie’s trailer was much like the rest of the eerily familiar homes in the Upside Down; dark and filthy. Vines were pretty much scattered across the furniture, almost swallowing the trailer itself whole. But that wasn’t the concerning part.

If you had to pick just one thing to be scared of, it would be the gaping hole in the ceiling.

“This is where Chrissy died.” Eddie says, gulping as you all stared at the thrumming crimson light. “Like, right where she died.”

And just like that, you were now even more terrified.

“Could this day get worse?” You mutter, and you wish you had kept your mouth shut.

“I think there’s something in there.” Robin announces and you all squint upwards, taken aback by a shadow moving against the membrane.

A few slow seconds ticked by, and you wondered if it was just a trick of the light.

Something suddenly pierces through, pieces of the small gate splattering to the ground and you all leap backwards, heart hammering in your ears.

Steve moves first, cautiously peering up before a smile starts to stretch his cheeks. Curious, everyone else follows suit, and you’ve never felt so relieved in your life.

“Hi there.” Dustin laughs in glee as Max, Lucas, and Erica, all wave up to you.

The first face you see as you grin is Robin’s, meeting her hopeful eyes and happy smile with those of your own. In the moment, you reach out your hand as squeeze hers without thinking. You didn’t even notice her grip your hand tighter. You also didn’t remember letting go. Because you never did.

“Holy shit, this is trippy.” Robin laughs, and you can only nod in agreement, looking through the gate as if you truly were Upside Down.

“Bada-bada-boom!” Dustin yells, and you all instinctively laugh.

In a hushed mutter of agreements, the kids start to build the exit plan, dispersing across the trailer. Robin gently tugs on your hand and you look at her inquisitively, her head motioning for you both to step to the side.

“What’s up?” You whisper, unsure of why she wanted to talk in private. If anything, you could only hope why she wanted to talk privately, but that was wishful thinking considering you both barely knew eachother and it probably wouldn’t work because who knows if she’s-

“Did you… did you see something?” She asks and you frown. “Earlier. When Vecna… is there something you’re not telling us?”

“No.” Your response was too quick and her face drops into a serious tone, her hand slipping away from yours and you’ve never thought your hand could feel heavier without the weight. “Robin-”

“You can’t keep secrets, Y/n.” She says and you shut your mouth. “There’s already been so much-”

She takes a breath, eyeing the others as they all appear to be fixated on the events above them.

“You went to the Creel House and never told us about it.” She reminds you, a soft frown marking two small lines between her brows. “You heard Vecna, and you didn’t think that would be important to know. And now you’re having these visions and you’re not telling us the whole story with that, either. Why?”

“It’s…” You begin, but your shoulders slump with exhaustion. She was right. Why are you trying everything to hide it? “He showed me something. Something horrible. About our future, Hawkins. He threatened me, but I- I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t think terrifying everyone else was going to get us anywhere.”

“What did you see?”

“Monsters. Gates.” You gulp, the next word barely audible. “Death.”

“Shit.” Robin blinks, tightening her lips. “Yeah, that’s… that’s pretty terrifying.”

“We need to focus on Max.” You say, glancing over your shoulder to where they were testing out a rope. “We can’t… we can’t help her, or anyone else for that matter, if we’re too focused on the bad ending. And from what I saw…”

“What?” Robin frowns when you don’t speak.

“I don’t think it’s something we can fight.” You admit just as Steve yells out for you both.

“Come on, operation get the hell out of here is commencing. Move it.”

Steve guides Robin by her shoulder, making her frown in confusion. He points to the rope.

“What do you want me to do with that?”

“Climb it.” Steve says, like it was obvious.

“Seriously?” She cranes her neck to look up at it, an encouraging thumbs up from Dustin on the other side. She looks around to see no-one else is volunteering. “Guess I’m the guinea pig.”

She manages to catch your eye before reaching for the rope, unspoken words floating between you both as she focuses on her climb, ignoring the burn on her palms as she mustered up enough strength to reach the top.

The strangest feeling washes over her as her head passes through the gate, blood rushing to her face. She was upside down now, holding onto the rope.

And then she was falling, landing on a mattress with a soft thump, staring up at the ceiling of familiar faces.

“That was fun.” She announces as she accepts Dustin’s hand, pulling herself to her feet.

“Who’s next?” Nancy asks, and after that, everyone started to make their way to the other side.

Eddie landed first, grinning at everyone with a casual “That was fun.”

You passed through the gate next, smiling at Robin as she offers her hand and ignoring the unsettling feeling in your stomach as you stared back up at the gate, waiting.

Nancy readies herself on the rope, obviously affected by Steve’s nature to always be the last.

She didn’t climb.

“Nancy?” You’re the first to speak, stepping on top of the mattress to get a better look.

And then Steve was trying to shake her awake while the others searched in panic for music she would listen to. But you didn’t move.

You refused Vecna’s threat, and all of a sudden Nancy was now cursed? It didn’t feel like a coincidence.

It felt like your fault.

Nancy had snapped awake after a painfully chaotic chorus of panic, her wide eyes of horror speaking more to you than it would anyone else. You were relieved to know she wasn’t cursed, just another messenger for the dark wizard. You were in fear of knowing Vecna didn’t tolerate insubordination.

The things she had told everyone made Robin feel too sober, her back resting against a cabinet on the floor while they had all sat in silence, Nancy’s voice thick with tears.

Vecna wanted revenge, and that meant Hawkins was on his kill-list.

Robin couldn’t help glancing your way when Nancy started describing the details of your own vision, but your eyes were fixated on the carpet. She hadn’t known you for long, but she didn’t think you were ever this quiet.

“Four chimes.” Max suddenly says, cutting through the tense air. “Vecna’s clock. It always chimes four times. Four exactly.”

“I heard them too.” Nancy agrees shakily.

“He’s been telling us his plan this whole time.” Max realises, and Robin feels very sick.

“Four kills.” Lucas understands. “Four gates... End of the world.”

“If that’s true…” Dustin speaks, looking at Max, “He’s only one kill away.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” Eddie mutters, rubbing his face, “Jesus Christ.”

“Try ‘em again.” Steve orders to no one in particular, pointing to the phone, “Try them again.”

Max nods and grabs the receiver to dial the number they had been trying for the past few minutes. You had hoped the Byers would be able to help, that El would come back and help you win this. But no one ever answered.

“What do we do now?”

Your voice was a surprise to everyone having been the only person unable to share your own input to Nancy’s visions. Your throat felt hoarse, and there was a pounding headache forming behind your eyes. It was all starting to feel hopeless.

“We’re going back to the Upside Down and we’re killing Vecna.” Nancy announces and Robin’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“Hold on, wait, let’s think this through.” Steve objects, standing from the couch.

“What is there to think through?” She countered, crossing her arms.

“We barely made it out of there in one piece!” Steve stresses and you watch as they argue, unsure of who’s side to take.

“Because we weren’t prepared!” Nancy replies. “But this time, we will be. We’ll get weapons and protection. We’ll go through the gate, we’ll find his lair, and we’ll kill him.”

“Or he’ll kill us.” Steve says and across the room, Robin raises her eyebrows at you. “The only reason you survived is because he wanted you to. He’s not scared of us.”

“And for good reason.” Robin interrupts, standing up and clearing her throat, “We were wrong about Vecna. Henry. One. Sorry, what are we calling him now?”

“One.”

“Vecna.”

“Henry.”

“Right.” Robin breathes out, continuing. “We’ve learned something new about Vecna/Henry/One. He’s a number like Eleven, only a sick, evil, male, child-murdering version of her with really bad skin.”

“Ew.” Erica turns up her nose.

“But, my-my… my point is, he’s super powerful. He could turn us inside out with a snap of his fingers. It’s not a fair fight.”

“Then why fight fair?” Dustin intercepts and you turn around to look at him. “You’re right. He’s like Eleven. But that gives us an upper hand. We know Eleven’s strengths. And weaknesses.”

“What weaknesses?” You question with little effort, and Robin can’t help but feel a little upset at how hopeless you sound.

“When El remote-travels, she goes into this sort of trance-like state. I bet the same is true of Vecna.” Dustin explains.

“That would explain what he was doing in that attic.” Lucas comments.

“Exactly.” Dustin nods. “When he attacks his next victim, I’ll bet you he’s back in that attic, physical body defenceless.”

“Defenceless?” Steve raises his brows, gesturing to his bruised neck. “What about the army of bats?”

“True. We’ll have to find a way past them.” Dustin accepts, “Distract them somehow.”

“And, uh,” Eddie leans forward, “How do we do that exactly?”

“No idea. But once they’re gone, he doesn’t stand a chance.” He smiles, “It’ll be like slaying sleeping Dracula in his coffin.”

“That all sound good in theory, but there is no pattern to Vecna’s killings. I mean, at least not one that I can decipher.” Robin says, “We don’t know when he’s going to attack next. We don’t even know who he’s going to attack.”

“Yeah, we do.” Max speaks up and your stomach drops. “I can still feel him. I’m still marked. Cursed. I ditch Kate Bush, I draw his focus back to me.”

“What?” Your head whips up, frowning.

“Max. You can’t. He’ll kill you.” Lucas whispers out and she shrugs.

“I survived before.” She reminds him and Lucas frowns. “I can survive again.”

“How?” Robin observes the way you stare up at Max with a look of remorse. You really cared about these kids, about her. It’s why you were here in the first place. You could have flown back to Stanford, but you chose to stay.

Which is why the thought of Max sacrificing herself after all of this felt so absurd.

“I just need to keep him busy long enough so that you guys can get into that attic.” She says, slowly nodding. “Then you can chop his head off. Stab him in the heart. Or blow him up with some explosive Dustin cooks up, I honestly- I don’t care how you put this asshole in his grave, just… whatever it is… whatever you do… try not to miss.”

It sounded like her closing statement, an invisible signed document of her stubbornness. Nothing you could say would change her mind, and you knew she was right. This was the only way.

“Now all we need is a shit ton of weapons.” You sigh, spreading your hands in exasperation.

“Where the hell are we gonna get that?” Steve frowns, exchanging a look with Robin. “Doubt Officer Friendly is gonna let us raid the station.”

“No need.” Eddie suddenly stands, stretching his arms. “I know exactly where we can find them.”

Everyone frowns, some in confusion, some in concern. You roll your eyes.

“Don’t say War Zo-” You start, but Eddie doesn’t let you finish.

“War Zone!”

War Zone was pretty much how you assumed a store named that would look. It was a giant warehouse filled with aisles and aisles of anything you could possibly get your hands on. Guns, ammo, grenades, knives. All you could ever need for battle.

It was just a shame the only two excited for this trip had to be hidden from the public. You thought it was ironic that you were trying to avoid suspicion just after stealing a whole Winnebago.

“Hey!” Dustin protests as Steve sits him back down at the table, shaking his head.

“Sorry, man. It’s too risky.” He explains, but the curly-haired boy just pouts.

“Hellfire stays inside.” Nancy announces and despite Eddie’s look of disappointment, he didn’t kick up a fuss. He could look at guns another day, when there was no longer a price on his head.

“Okay, time for some… shopping.” Robin shrugs as Max jumps out of the RV behind you, slamming the door shut. “Are we, uh, looking for anything in particular?”

“Anything that looks like it’s gonna hurt.” You say, surprising the others. None of them object.

Swarms of mostly bulky men were walking down the aisles when you all entered, seemingly curious yet unbothered by your little group. You all definitely looked out of place.

“Uh… we should also probably look out for clothes.” You suggest, gesturing to Steve’s stark outfit. Your own was covered in black slime and dirt, much like Nancy and Robin’s.

“Good idea.” Steve says as he makes a beeline for the clothing department.

“I’m gonna head over to the guns. I’ve got an idea of what I want.” Nancy nods and Max takes Erica with her to the smaller section of knives and bug repellent.

“What do we think?” Robin asks with a lighter tone, posing with a beret on her head.

“You know what, it actually suits you.” You laugh and she flashes you a smile, throwing it into the shopping cart.

She begins to peruse the jewellery section next, making you chuckle in amusement as you spot Steve trying on a jacket further down.

It had been a while since either of you talked. After your vision in the Upside Down, you could tell he was walking on eggshells around you, much unlike your usual banter. Now that you think about it, you can’t remember the last time you had an honest conversation with you.

“So, weird question, but, um… how are we meant to be paying for this?” You question as you walk over to him, a surprised look on his face as he glances over at Robin. She seemed to be preoccupied by the studded belt in her hands.

“I’ve still got my whole compensation fund from Starcourt we could-”

He stops once he says it. Starcourt. He saw how your face drops without permission, giving him a small glimpse of the sadness that wore away inside you.

“I, uh… we could use my savings money.” You offer, trying anything to pretend like your momentary lapse of weakness didn’t happen. “I mean, it was meant for books and stuff back at Stanford but I feel like this is a much more important use for it considering the whole end of the world scenario we’ve found ourselves in.”

You attempt a laugh, but it came out with too little volume, and all too much air. You try to redirect your attention to the vest in front of you. It looked like tough leather, hopefully thick enough to add some protection to your frame.

“Sorry I’ve been such an asshole.”

The battle vest almost slipped from your hands as you turn to catch Steve’s eye. His expression was serious, an apologetic look pointed at you.

“Huh?” You frown, unsure when this sudden turn of conversation started.

“I haven’t really been grateful. To have you here with us, I mean. You literally dropped your life just to help us, and I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you. High school was years ago.”

“If it helps, I have also been an asshole, so…” You laugh and you manage to spark a smile on his face. “And of course I’m here. You are, too. I’m not the only one risking everything.”

You didn’t expect a genuine smile from Steve Harrington to ever be sent your way, but you found yourself smiling back. In so few words, it was like a war had been resolved between you. A long time coming, at that.

You watch as his gaze drifts to behind you, his brows furrowing.

“Uh… I’ll be right back.”

You turn to see him jog over to Robin, placing a hand on her back. From this distance, you could just see her standing there with a fallen expression, staring at something further down the aisle. You take two steps back, curiously searching for the source of her uncharacteristic torment, but you can’t see past the couple laughing together.

The guy was quite tall, someone you think you recognise from school. Dan, was it? He was smiling down at a girl not much younger than you, wearing a grin and ginger hair.

It took a second for the realisation to hit, and by then Steve and Robin had wondered back over to you, quickly explaining you all needed to leave before you were suddenly rushing back to the Winnebago, left to sit for a little while longer with your thoughts.

Why was Robin so upset about a random couple in the middle of War Zone?

Robin hadn’t expected to see Vickie anywhere, let alone a stupid illegal gun shop on the outskirts of Hawkins. It definitely caught her off-guard, and since she watched what little hope she maybe had left of dating suddenly kiss a man, it also felt right. After all, she was a pariah. That was all she was going to be.

“I don’t care.” She interrupts Steve’s attempt to rationalise the prior events, rambling about the impossibility of Vickie not liking women too.“And I don’t understand why you do either with everything that’s going on. Honestly, this feels like a perfect time for that little pull of the rug because… in the face of the world ending, the stakes of my love life feel spectacularly low.”

A sigh leaves her lips just in time for her to catch a glance of you across the field. You were sat cross-legged on the grass, laughing as Eddie and Dustin play-fought with their new and improved battle shields. As she sat just outside the Winnebago, holding a funnel for the molotov cocktails they had ordered, she feels a smile tugging at her lips when she sees your grin, and then she shakes it away as fast as she can. Not fast enough for it to go unnoticed.

“Aren’t you always telling me about all the fish in the sea?” He smirks, waggling his eyebrows and she grimaces. She knows he’s only joking, trying to tease her a little bit. But he doesn’t realise it wasn’t a game to her.

“Ew, no, don’t be gross.”

“I just think you’d be perfect together-”

“Okay.” She quickly stands up, almost spilling the bottles. “I think we’re running out of alcohol. I’m gonna go find some more.”

“Why are you being weird?” He frowns as she starts walking away. “But- we have enough bottles here!”

You heard Steve’s shout across the field as Dustin starts making a joke about bats, turning your head to see Robin was quickly walking away from him and disappearing inside the Winnebago. You were twisting grass between your fingers, staring longingly at the trailer home door. You wanted to talk to her. You needed to.

Your legs moved before your brain could comprehend it, marching you across that field with determination. There was no more putting it off. You couldn’t spend your last moments before what could be the end of the world sat on the grass wondering what would have happened if you’d just had the courage to open up.

Robin managed to compose herself for a bit, running her hands down her face and catching a glimpse of herself on a small mirror. Her mascara had rubbed off a little around her eyes, her hair now dirty and wild from the whirlwind of their adventures. With a sigh, she grabs another box of bottles. She so badly wanted a shower. Or at least to just curl up in her bed and pretend like the world was going to be just fine if she fell asleep.

She knew any minute now Steve would come looking for her, demanding answers. He was right. She was acting weird. But how else were you meant to act when you were slowly coming to the realisation that you’d be alone forever? How could she pretend to be normal when she had to sit and watch everyone else fall in love when she couldn’t, or reconnect with their high school sweethearts while she mourned the feeling of never experiencing teenage love?

She wasn’t normal. Nothing in her life felt more real than that.

“Hey.” You suddenly announce yourself and Robin drops the box she was holding, cursing under her breath as she scrambles to collect it before she lost all composure. You wince. “Sorry.”

“No, you- it just-” Robin presses her lips together, sighing. “I didn’t expect to see anyone in here.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” You grimace even harder, motioning to the door. “This was weird, I can go-”

“No!” She drops the box again, on the small table this time. “Uh… I mean, no. You don’t need to…”

There’s a moment of silence you really wished was comfortable, but even you couldn’t pretend it was anything other than awkward.

“Are you doing okay?” Robin blurts, unable to resist talking if it meant she didn’t have to stand there with her own thoughts for much longer. “With the whole, you know, being a Vecna prophet?”

“A prophet, huh?” You smirk, raising your eyebrow. “No, I’m, uh… I’m okay? I think. Just… god.”

You flop yourself down on the cushioned seats of the Winnebago, biting your lip.

“I should have done what he asked.” You admit, meeting her eyes as she slowly lowers herself to sit beside you. “Nancy is probably, I don’t know, traumatised now because I keep thinking making everything a secret is gonna solve everything. Like it ever has.”

“You were doing what you thought would protect us. That’s not a bad thing.” She shrugs, staring down at her hands. “You shouldn’t even have to be dealing with all of this in the first place.”

“No one would have guessed an evil mind wizard who lives in an alternate dimension would somehow use me to spread his villainous plans.” You chuckle, trying to find the humour in what had to be the scariest experience of your entire life.

“No.” She breathes an airy laugh, biting her lip. “But I made you come here.”

“What?” You looked taken-aback, blinking at her. “No, Robin… I’m here because I want to be.”

“But you hate Hawkins.” She says, twisting in the seat to face you so she could express herself with her hands more. “And I- I don’t blame you. You lost your father… you left for all good reasons. I shouldn’t have shown up at your door demanding help, it… I didn’t realise how badly it would affect you, or-”

“Robin.” You place a hand over hers and she stills, words cut from her mouth by a single touch. “I want to be here. What happened a year ago doesn’t define my actions now. It never did.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t leave because my dad died.” Your voice had gotten quieter, and Robin watched as your eyes started to glisten. “I… I left because Heather did.”

Robin frowns. Heather? Nancy mentioned a Heather back in the library after your first encounter, stating the two of you had known eachother since sophmore year. It had only been a passing comment. Robin only remembered the Heather with a plaque at the school, a soul lost to ‘the fire’. Flayed, Robin realises.

“Heather… Heather Holloway?” Robin asks and you nod, wiping away a tear that had slipped down your cheek. “Nancy told me you guys were friends.”

“Right. Friends.” You say almost bitterly, avoiding her eyes. Robin sends a quick glance to the door, making sure it was shut. She had a feeling this conversation wasn’t one you were going to be comfortable sharing with anyone else.

“Was Heather… was she more… more than a friend?” Robin’s mouth felt dry as she struggled with her words, hoping you didn’t return them with a laugh or disgust. And you didn’t. You only nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Back in the hospital, Starcourt… I had gone with Nancy and Jonathan to try and figure out what the hell was happening to Hawkins. Nancy told us it was related to Driscoll, that we had to hurry. I remember she wouldn’t tell me why she was so scared. But Jonathan let slip that they had been at Heather’s house…”

You take a deep breath, trying to relax your now tensing shoulders. “I kept asking them where Heather was, if they had seen her, if she was okay. I… I knew something was wrong. I hadn’t heard from her for a whole day, I even begged for their help when she went missing but they told me I was paranoid. But I was right in the end.”

“You were too late.” Robin whispers in realisation, and your glossy eyes find hers, nodding.

“Heather’s dad was at the hospital. So was mine.” You recall, twisting the corner of the cushion. “They were flayed, attacked us when we least expected it. My dad was telling me how Heather died, what they did. Right before he drove a knife into my shoulder.”

You gently push down the shoulder of your jumper to reveal a red scar, and Robin’s breath hitches.

“I don’t really remember much after that. Jonathan managed to get him off me. I think Nancy dragged me somewhere safe before a nurse found me.” You sigh, rolling your shoulder. “When I had woken up, my gran was the one to tell me about Starcourt, how my dad had died in the fire. And that Heather and her family had apparently burned in there too.”

“I’m so sorry.” Robin squeezes your hand, wiping away her own tears. She had wondered why Nancy and Steve seemed so hesitant about your story. Only now did she know it was because they couldn’t feel anything but guilt about how they treated you.

“Heather was my best friend, and more.” You smile before it broke, biting your lip, “I hated the thought of staying here. I was just so… angry. At the others. At myself. I had to leave.”

“I would have done the same.” Robin admits quietly. “To be honest… I don’t think I would have come back.”

“I wasn’t planning to.” You shrug, “But I needed to be here for my gran.”

“Does she…”

“Yeah. She knows about Heather and me.” You say, nodding. “I came out to my dad when I realised I liked Heather. He… he wasn’t happy about it. We fought a lot after that until my gran decided to take me in. She’s pretty great.”

“She sounds it.” Robin smiles.

“Being a girl into girls in a town like this…” You laugh, glancing out the window. “When I turned Steve down in sophmore year, I just remember the relentless torment from everyone around me. I didn’t even know I liked girls then, but I knew I was never going to say anything because if I refused a date with a guy and they all hated me for it, what would happen if I ended up dating a girl?”

“It was all so natural with Heather. She didn’t make me feel like a freak, or make me some kind of pariah. Because she understood me. And about a year after we became friends, after the whole Steve incident, we started dating.” You lean back into the seat, pouring your heart and soul to a girl you hoped you had met years ago. “Our dads worked together at the Post, and we had to keep it a secret. That’s why… that’s why everyone out there thought we were just friends. Because that’s what I told them.”

“No one out there would have judged you like that. Especially not Steve.” Robin insists and your face twists with uncertainty.

“How do you know?”

“Because he’s my best friend.”

You knew that. You saw it anytime they bickered or teased one another. You saw it when Steve went rushing over to her the second he sensed her posture drop in War Zone, whispering reassuring words to her on the field after.

Part of you had assumed when you first saw them together that there was no way they couldn’t be dating. So many factors could be against why they weren’t. There was only one you were nervously hoping for.

“That girl… the one at War Zone. You looked really upset…” You bite your lip, heart beating harder. “Is that because…”

“I know exactly how you feel.” She meets your eyes and you almost melt, suppressing a smile.

“Is that why you started acting weird when you found out Eddie was my ex?” You ask and she frowns, obviously curious about that. “I dated him because I thought he was cool, and nice. We broke up because I realised I was gay.”

“Oh.” She laughs, feeling incredibly stupid. “God, I was so sure- I literally hate myself right now.”

“So… does that mean… if you liked that girl…” You struggle to find the words, scrambling your mind with endless possibilities to just ask the question.

“I like you.” Robin finally says in a whisper and you smile.

“I like you, too.”

Her eyes flicker to your lips for just a moment, until she catches something, a red trail starting to stain your upper lip.

It all came crashing down after that.

“Y/n?!”

Steve must have heard her screaming because when he comes rushing in, your eyes are already rolled back, Robin’s hands holding onto your shoulders.

You weren’t a prophet after all.

You were a warning.

Chapter Eight: Stealing Hearts, Broken Souls ->

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#stranger things x reader #stranger things #fanfic #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley #robin x reader #robin buckley fanfic #st4 fanfic #wlw #sapphic fic

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

Note

Am I the asshole for how my previous 'situationship' ended? (I genuinely do not know what to call this situation so that's gonna have to do).

Okay so I (20F) met a guy that we will call Chris (21M) on tinder in Oct 2022. We were at the same uni, and we had good rapport over text, so we decided to meet up. He was pretty awkward but once we actually got talking he was a good chat. Nothing romantic or sexual was discussed/acted upon.

We hung out a few times after that. I kissed him once after a night out, which he didn't reciprocate or ever mention again. Given the complete lack of romance/sexuality coming from him, and the fact that he is a very socially awkward person, I took the hint that he wasn't interested and didn't know how to tell me. I felt that i made the fact I was interested clear and he hadn't taken me up on it, so I just dropped the subject. We continued talking as friends, and I genuinely thought that's all it was.

Come Feb 2023, I went on a night out with a different group of friends, during which a friend of mine, we'll call Tom, kissed me. I nearly had a one night stand with Tom, but I ended up not sleeping with him and just going home because I was too drunk. Being drunk and cringe, I made a pretty crude post to my tumblr before I passed out which was something like "someone is actually attracted to me? Nail me to a wall!" (Long deleted because drunk me is an embarrassment lol).

I woke up to texts from Chris, who had seen my tumblr post and was upset. I was pretty confused because 1. He doesn't even use tumblr, 2. I don't remember ever giving him my account name but it must have been in a screenshot at some point, and 3. I was not under the impression that we were dating... I let all that slide like an idiot because I was really hungover. Chris and I then had a chill discussion about what we were, and agreed to be friends. Cool! I thought that was the end of the drama. We chatted and hung out afterwards with 0 difference to how it had been before.

Cut to May, and I sent him good luck wishes before an exam. He says thanks and I just didn't think about it again, normal exchange.

Over three weeks after I'd wished him good luck, I woke up to a wall of text he'd sent me at 3am where he went into detail about how i had strung him along and wasted his time; that he thought I was manipulative and playing "mind games" with him for that good luck text, which he took as me trying to psyche him out before the exam and make him fail the module; that he didn't want to 'just be friends anymore' because the knowlege that i strung him along hurt too much; that I "ignored him as he walked past" (I still have no idea where or when this happened, I straight up did not see him wherever it was). He also went into detail about physical and mental health issues he'd been going through (that I wasn't aware of before the wall of text) saying that I'd been a great help with them during first term, then "ruined his second term". He went off that my lack of communication skills is a detriment to everyone around me.

I was completely blindsided by all of that, and honestly really hurt that he'd accuse me of trying to make him fail his exams, but I'm not sure that he's not got a point? Looking back, yeah maybe I should have straight up asked him if he was interested back in Nov. But idk I'd say kissing someone is a pretty fucking clear communication that i was interested, and he made 0 reaction to it, what was i supposed to think? I'm not in the habit of pushing people when they do nothing in the way of reciprocation. But, one of the issues he disclosed to me was that he had gotten an autism diagnosis in April and I can see how not being 100% clear and verbal in my communication may have been the root of the issues here, given that he was undiagnosed autistic for most of the time I knew him.

Anyway, was my lack of communication an asshole move?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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alltoolewis · 2 years ago

Text

Enough for you (part 1) - Mason Mount

I missed you guysssss..... finally logged back into my account after 2 months and began typing & I'm so happy!!!! I am sorry for the absent, uni and my personal life has been a living hell but I am back for now to speak and write to all you lovely lot... which I've just now discovered I now have 2,000 followers! Thank you soooooooo much I really can't believe it

This one isn't the best as I'm a little rusty but I think it's a good opener for a new series I am going to write! Currently it's called 'enough for you' however this might change the more I write of it! The next part will be uploaded tomorrow but for now feel free to fill my inbox with 'hello's' and questions as I missed you all sooooooooo much! Enjoy 💕

Summary- After your dad, frank lampard, gets assigned to manage his old team again and wants you to join him as the head counsellor, your mind fills with dread and flashbacks of a possible reunion with your ex...

“Theres no way…” You whispered, staring at your father in disbelief as he spoke the words that you thought you’d never hear again “Your managing Chelsea… again”.

“Only for the rest of the season, it’s nothing permanent yet” You could hear his own surprise in his voice, as if he too couldn’t believe what he was saying. “But it went awful last time” You gasped “Why would they want you back?”

“Cheers kiddo, I needed that confidence boost…” rolling his eyes he came closer to you, ruffling your hair slightly before walking pass you towards the kitchen.

“I didn’t mean it like that dad” You sighed, following him “They just treated you so badly last time… is it worth it?” It’s not that you didn’t want your dad to go back into managing his old team, of course you wanted him too! Goosebumps rose on your own arms just thinking about Frank Lampard’s, your dads, big return to Stamford bridge. But the excitement fades away quickly once you the memories of last time flood in your mind.

The headline that he left…

The face he made when he got the call…

The hours and hours he spent preparing to head HR to fight a losing battle…

Seeing the nervousness in your eyes, he wrapped his arms around you “Theres no need to panic, eh? It’s a couple of weeks that’s all… they need me”.

Sighing, you knew that he was right. You didn’t have to live under a rock to know how poor Chelsea was at the minute. “I suppose you couldn’t make them any worst than they are…” You giggled, a smirk on your face as you pulled away from the hug, his laugh echoing across the marble walls of the kitchen “That’s the spirit! Now let’s get a glass of wine to celebrate our return!”

Just as you were about to grab the glasses, you froze “Our return…”

“Yeah, that’s the thing…” Your dad spoke hesitantly “The board had asked if you’d also come back as the head of the wellbeing team. All the players and staff have been going through a rough time and really need a team on site to help… that’s why they need you!”

Working for Chelsea was the first job you had ever gotten when you graduated from university with a counselling degree. It obviously helped that your dad was the manager of the team, however every loved having you around and you loved being there. But when your dad got fired from the team in such a cruel way and the management of the team collapsing, there was no way that you were going to stay… so you left with him… despite everything you were leaving behind… despite leaving him!

“No way dad!” You quickly rejected, placing the glasses back down as you headed back into the living room “I am happy for you, I really am! But I’m not going back!”

“Why not?”

“I have a job!”

“You can leave it” He pushed, causing your eyes to widen “I can’t just leave my job dad! What am I supposed to say, ‘sorry guys I’m going to work with my dad for a few weeks and then I’ll return when they throw us away again’”.

“They never asked you to go” Your dad interjected. It was true, if anything the team wanted you to stay more than Frank!

“They wanted you to leave… so I did too! End of!”

“(y/n) …” Frank spoke hesitantly “This isn’t about Mason, is it?”

You didn’t realise your body could go more into shock than before until he spoke his name. The name that at one point caused your heart to burst into a thousand butterflies, but now makes it shatter into a million shards of glass that was impossible to piece together again…

“No” You spoke just above a whisper, trying to convince not only your dad but yourself. It wasn’t a secret that you were once in love with Chelsea’s number 19… to the public it might have been but to everyone in your life it was clear to see the effect that his presence had on you, and even now almost 2 years later remains on you! You were perfect together, the mix of your existences together had meaning, a love so strong that it could be seen a mile away… that was until he broke your heart.

“Don’t lie to me (y/n)” Frank sighed “Why else wouldn’t you come back?”

“Why do you even care about that?” You exploded, anger tracing in your veins “You hated us together… it was one of the reasons he broke up with me!”

Flashback

“What do you mean you can’t do this anymore?” You breathed out, looking over to him as he placed his hands over his face in anger, sitting on the edge of the sofa. What was supposed to be a night enjoying watching your boyfriend play in one of the toughest tournaments in football, turned into a surprisingly sour one. The second you returned home from the win, Mason turned bitter, his face scrunched together in thought as he refused to acknowledge your presence. “You won Mase… I don’t what is wro-“

“We’re wrong!” he screamed back, standing up from the sofa as he turned to face you “It’s not about the game… It’s about us!”

“Mason I don’t know what you mean?!?” you shouted back, confusion etched in your voice as he huffed “Us, (y/n) … it shouldn’t be happening it can’t happen!”

“We’ve been together for months Mason! Why now?”

“People are going to find out about us and then what? I’m just the player who got in the team cause he’s shagging his managers daughter!”

“Who cares what they say?!” You pushed “Who gives a fuck? I’m happy, your happy… my dad’s okay with it!”

“Oh please!” He laughed sarcastically as you raised your eyebrows in confusion “Your dad hates us together and you know it!” “He did at first but not anymore” You tried to convince him, knowing that it did indeed take your dad awhile to warm to the idea “He accepts us Mason… so what’s this really about because I know what you are saying is full of shit!”

Mason turned back around, not wanting you to see any more of the cracks showing “I’m telling the truth (y/n)!”

“No. Your. Not.” You said, voice getting angrier and angrier “You wouldn’t do this now, you wouldn’t end us over something so simple… so easy to fix! So what is it?”

“I CHEATED OKAY!” he shouted back, causing your heart to stop. “Your lying…” You mumbled, shaking your head as you refused to let the tears go “Your lying… you’d ne-never do th-that to me… with who?”

“Does it matter?” He sighed, pulling his hair as he glanced over to what once was your happy figure, but is now destroyed. “Yes it does��” You whispered, a tear ruining down your cheek against your will “of course it does, so with who?”

“Just a girl at the club” he spoke with no emotion “I got drunk, she was there, it happened”

“Why?”

“Why what?” He tutted “Why did I fuck her? Like I just said, we got drunk she was there, you wasn’t it’s that easy-“

“No… not that” You stopped him, not wanting to hear anymore “Why wasn’t I good enough for you?”

Your words caused him to freeze as he stopped his pacing, and for a moment you could of sworn you seen the cracks to yet another lie but of course it was hidden quicker than it was seen “You know what they say… the game is the game, and sometimes your just not good enough to play!”

His words caused your body to tense up like you just got a million paper cuts, you wanted to push him… to fight him… to prove that the crack you seen was a lie, a doubt… but why would you, when the man you loved, the man you thought was your haven, just told you that you weren’t good enough.

Without another word, you nodded, walking past him to collect your belongings. Only once you were past him did you let the tears run…

“Mason?” You whispered, needing to say one more thing to him before you left

“Yes…” You didn’t look at him when he replied but you knew he was crying… but why?

“Thank you for letting me play the game with you…” and with that you left… one of you hoping to see the other one again while the other one prayed.

End of flashback

A shiver ran down your back as you remembered the horrid memory, but it was brushed off as your dad began to speak again “I didn’t hate you together!” He protested, sitting beside you on the couch “Did I hate the idea of my oldest child falling in love? Yes. Did I hate the idea that one of my best players was seeing my daughter behind my back? Of course.”

“dad…” You tried to stop him, but he obviously ignored you.

“But did I hate seeing my daughter so happy? No.” tears streamed down your face as he spoke the truthful words “I know it hurt you. The hiding… the breakup… the secrecy. But that’s what love is, and deep down I know he really did love you.”

“Then why did break up with me then?” you sniffled “If he really loved me that much then why?”

“That’s something we’ll never know unless you speak to him.”

Of course you didn’t tell your dad he cheated on you, although after the reveal you couldn’t stand to even look at him, your love overpowered the hatred of ruining his relationship with your dad and his chances of remaining in the first team.

“I’m not seeing him dad… no matter what I’m not facing him again” Your body went into reject mode at the idea of just seeing him, nevermind having a vulnerable conversation with him. “I’m not asking you too honey, he can be booked in with someone else and you’ll have your own office… but please come back with me? I need you”.

‘I need you’

The three words that held so much but little meaning. The three words that you held onto so tightly for so many years. The three words that you can never refuse.

“Fine…” You sighed, as your dads’ arms wrapped around you once more in celebration. “Thank you… thank you… thank you! The teams going to be so happy…”

“You don’t have to thank me, I’d do anything for you and you know that” You chuckled, getting off the couch to collect the glasses you put down a lifetime ago “but dad?”

“Yes?”

“You make sure Mason Mount stays the hell away from me!”

#mason mount #mason mount imagine #mason mount blurb #mason mount imagines #mason mount one shot #mason mount story #mason mount fun #englanf #england #chelsea #football imagine #football #football blurb

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ritcchamadayo · 2 years ago

Note

Please, Part 3 of Punk Jade, you're giving me more of a reason to simp for this man-

I will honestly GLADLY turn into a Jade-fic blog i am so far gone when it comes to this man... Sorry for the wait guys! Uni had me in a chokehold (again) but LETS GET BACK TO SIMPING

A Look Into The Past (Pt. 3)

Jade Leech x Reader ;

On a rare day off, Jade found himself pondering Professor Crewel's fashion tips when it came to styling his piercings but couldn't decide for himself. Who else to ask for opinions other than you?

(we're back again folks!! again thank you so much for the love on this fic!! I'll be considering posting this on Ao3 as a full series after this one XD THANK YOU!!!)

Reader is a Sophomore in this fic, just like the twins!

Read Part 1 Here! Read Part 2 Here!

"U-Um, so that's what you called me out for?" "Yes, exactly."

When Jade had contacted you saying that there was a "disaster", you certainly didn't expect the disaster to be the eel-mer's own wardrobe. You were surprised at the amount of clothes he had, but a few of them are quite... distasteful, to say the least.

When Jade wore his ear piercings to school the other time, he was stopped by none other but Professor Crewel and was given an earful about how to dress and act when wearing such flashy accessories. Granted, they were at school so it can't be helped, but Crewel made sure to make Jade remember his fashion tips for days off like today.

"Did Floyd get you this?" You hold up a purple shirt with a drawing of an eel, and big blocky text saying "Mentally Eel". You grimaced at how tacky the shirt was. "Ah, yes he did. Floyd has the habit of collecting anything eel-related in the surface world, you see."

You had to stifle a laugh at the thought. "Ah, that's where he got those eel keychains."

You rummaged through Jade's wardrobe (with permission, of course) and pulled out most of his clothes, gently putting them down and organizing them by type. There were a few normal button-up shirts, a pair of pajamas, Jade's hiking clothes and equipment, and let's not forget the winter clothes he wore on his trip to Harveston. (You wonder why he wore shorts AND leggings with his hiking wear, but you're not gonna question it.)

"What did Crewel say about them anyway? And uh, why me out of all people? I'm pretty sure someone like Vil or Cater could give you much better insight?" You ask. Jade tilts his head, pondering for a second. "Why, I suppose it's because you were the first person to pop up in my mind. I couldn't hope to bother our seniors, after all. Besides, your sense of fashion is quite good."

Bullshit reasoning. Or so you say, but you feel your ears heat up from the thought of Jade thinking of you. "Oh. I-I see." Jade wasn't lying when he said you had a good sense of fashion though, your choice of outfits on days off were always endearing to him. You were wearing a blouse paired with black overalls today, which looked both comfortable and fashionable at the same time.

"What did Crewel say?" "Hm... He said that a relaxed, mature look would suit for a lesser amount of accessories, to put it simply. Either that, or something simpler to accentuate the accessories if we were to wear more amounts."

Perhaps it's time for a little fashion show, then?

You quickly look around and pull out a few pieces of clothing- A pair of white pants and bright blue and yellow short sleeved shirt, giving off a bit of a tropical vibe. Jade took the clothes gratefully, putting them on the bed for him to change into.

"Oh? Are you perhaps going to watch me change, or~?" "I-I'M NOT! I'M LOOKING AWAY!!!" Your face shone red, quickly turning around to look at the door instead. Jade chuckled quietly, unbuttoning his shirt and taking them off. You can clearly hear the sound of him unzipping his pants as well, making you wipe your sweat off your forehead. (there's the urge to peek, but you better not.)

"Alright, I've finished changing. What do you think?"

You nervously turn around, and closely examined Jade in your chosen clothes. "It looks pretty good! I think a bit of a messier look would look nice with lots of accessories on your ears, like if you unbuttoned a few from the top of your shirt."

Jade complies, messing up his hair slightly and unbuttoning his shirt to reveal his collarbone, and you feel yourself regretting your words.

"I quite agree. The colors of the shirt pop with the addition of the white pants, and the silvers of the metal can be clearly seen."

"A-Ah, yeah!" (remember to look respectfully, dear) "Can you lean down for a sec?" Jade kneels down to your level sitting on the floor, and you take out a few of his accessories from the little wooden box he kept neatly inside his wardrobe. You picked up a few unused piercings and tried mixing and matching them on his ears, laughing when Jade comments your fussing over his ears tickles quite a bit.

"But it's not really your style, honestly... A flashy look like this kinda fits Floyd more." You comment, but deep down you think it wasn't a bad change of pace to see Jade in something other than buttoned-up shirts and suits. Turning back to the clothes pile, you pick out another set of clothes- this time, it was a comfy white turtleneck with black dress pants. You also found a brown trench coat in the depths of his wardrobe, which Jade said his parents' acquaintances gifted him for his birthday and he didn't know how to style it.

You looked back to the door once again as he changes out of the clothes, putting the new set on quickly and gracefully. "Oh, this definitely feels much more my style."

You turned around to see for yourself, and your eyes shone excitedly seeing him in the new getup. "Oh! Definitely!!" You cheered, giggling while at it. "You surprisingly suit the more mature-but-comfortable look, Jade." The eel-mer chuckles, sitting back down on the floor. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. What about the accessory choices, then?"

"Hmm... Crewel said that less is better in this getup, so just a little..." Picking up a few ring shaped ones, you carefully put a few piercings on Jade's ears- a simple look, consisting of the double helix on top of his ears and a couple of silver studs along his lobes.

"There! Well it isn't exactly a little either, but..."

Jade looked at the mirror in his room, a satisfied smile on his face. A smile that is neither shady, plotting, or emotionless- a genuinely happy smile. "My my, I was correct in assuming you had good taste in fashion. I'm rather confident in this look, actually. It's comfortable enough for me to move in, and yet still maintaining the fashionable aura from the coat."

You had a grin on your face, proud of your handiwork. "All thanks to you being a good model! And for having a variety of clothes I can choose from, haha."

You had quickly put the rest of his clothes back into his wardrobe after making a few other suggestions, and dusted yourself off as you stood up. "I should probably get going now, I wouldn't want to invade for too long." You say, stretching your arms and getting ready to get back to your dorm. You open the door, stepping out from his neat room.

"Ah, before that." Jade called out, following you outside. He quickly (and rather smoothly) took your hand in his, closing and locking up his room. "Since we're already in decent clothes, what do you say I take you on a small trip around Sage's Island? Perhaps we can stop by and grab some food. My treat of course, after you've oh-so graciously helped me."

Your cheeks heat up, and you feel your gaze lowering to stare at the floor instead of the man in front of you.

"...Is this your way of asking me out?" "Perhaps. Do you accept?"

You couldn't bring yourself to decline his offer. (Your empty stomach also couldn't.)

"S-sure then. I'd love to, Jade."

"Splendid. It's a date, then."

#✨RitcchanWrites #✨TwistedRitchuland #✨RitcchanDreams #✨ritcchama's crazy simpery #UUHGGHHHHH HES SO HOT #ITS BEEN WEEKS AND IM STILL NOT OVER IT #SIR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE PLEASE #twisted wonderland #twst #jade leech #twisted wonderland imagines #octavinelle #twst jade #jade leech x reader #jade x reader

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beomgyuslilracha · 2 years ago

Text

the ceo's son ✧.* [ pt. 8 ]

⊹ pairing: choi soobin x f! reader

⊹ genre: strangers to friends to lovers

⊹ warnings: none! just a lot of fluff <3

⊹ wc: 6.1k

summary: you've been an intern at c company for roughly over four months now - directly under the ceo as his assistant. everything was going perfectly: you were saving up money to attend uni next year, and you knew that you were under the ceo's good graces to receive a great recommendation when the time came! in fact, he took a liking to you so much that he'd often joke that he wanted to set you up with his son. at least ... you thought it was a joke.

once he returned back to campus, soobin was to be found ditching his classes - despite insisting that he needed to make it back in time - and pacing back and forth in his dorm's living area.

after a brief cry for help from him in the group chat, all four of his friends skipped their own schedules and were now seated on the couch, watching soobin slowly dissolve into complete madness.

"what am i supposed to even say to her?!" soobin asked to no one in particular, running his hands through his hair stressfully.

"uhh, how about 'hey y/n, i like you'?" taehyun offered simply, shrugging as if the matter weren't that big of a deal.

although it may have appeared that way from an outside perspective, soobin personally felt that this was a life or death situation that could seriously cost him everything he had.

the 'everything' in question being his relationship with you.

"no, no, i need something bigger. i need to really...," soobin's thought trailed off as he began looking all around the room, praying for some sort of answer to magically appear in the air. he groaned again in frustration, slowly dropping his entire body to lay sprawled out on the floor.

the confidence he had earlier in the day was long gone now.

"alright, how about this," yeonjun spoke next, scooting forward on the couch to get a better look at his defeated friend. "why don't you take her to lotte world or something?"

soobin perked his head up at the idea, intrigued. "lotte world?"

"ooh, that's actually a really good idea," kai agreed excitedly, his eyes growing wide at the mere mention. "can we go too?"

"do you have plans to confess to someone?" yeonjun teasingly asked the younger boy, shaking his head.

ignoring the little bickering that then occurred between them, soobin sat up and began to think seriously about yeonjun's idea. he knew it would definitely be a lot of fun, and it excited him just to picture experiencing the theme park all over again with you by his side.

and if you agreed to his confession by the end of the night??

he would have to thank yeonjun and lotte world itself for the rest of his life.

"ooh, you know what, you should confess on the moonboat," beomgyu chimed in suddenly, gasping loudly and praising himself for being the one to offer the best idea between them.

"ahh, but you have to do it at night so that it looks romantic," kai cooed now, turning from yeonjun and getting himself excited all over again at the idea of soobin confessing to you in such a cute way.

soobin was practically about to pull out a pen and notepad, wanting to be sure he jotted down an entire plan to lead up to the final moment on the moonboat that evening.

he wanted every second to be perfect with you, and the last thing he wanted was to go without a plan and risk messing it all up on such an important moment. whether it was important to you would still be unknown, but right now it meant everything to him.

"what should i do there first? do you think she'll like the rollercoasters?" soobin questioned them in a panic, every ride in the park running through his mind as he wondered which ones you'd enjoy and which he should avoid.

"how are we supposed to know? we don't know her," taehyun reminded him, unable to help himself from laughing.

soobin did feel bad for having yet to introduce you to his friends, especially after having told you that he would, but he now figured it'd be better this way. if everything worked out, he'd be able to happily introduce you as his girlfriend rather than just a friend.

his girlfriend... his girlfriend!!!

soobin was practically getting giggly just from thinking the words in his mind, he could only imagine passing away completely if they were to actually come true before the end of the night.

he had to use his own hands to press his cheeks together, forcing himself to stop smiling like an idiot in front of his friends. not that they didn't already notice, seeing as he was sitting right in front of them.

though neither of them would dare say it out loud, each of them were truly happy for their lovesick friend.

"wait, wait, hold on," yeonjun stopped their conversation after a while, a sudden thought occurring to him. "soobin, what was she wearing?"

"what the hell, you pervert?" beomgyu interrupted, smacking yeonjun with one of the pillows beside them - this quickly earned disgusted looks followed by the rest of the boys.

"no, i don't mean like that, dumbass!" yeonjun scolded him, yanking the pillow out of beomgyu's hands and attacking him twice as hard in retaliation. "i meant was it comfortable that she could wear to lotte world straight from work?"

soobin's lips formed into a cute 'o' shape in realization, picturing the work attire you were dressed in today. turns out yeonjun did have a point and was not trying to be dirty-minded; he didn't think your clothes would be suitable for an exciting evening at an amusement park.

"so what? should i take her home first or meet her there?" soobin questioned now, worried about having to push his plans with you back slightly.

"i know you don't want to lose precious time with your girlfriend, so you could offer to take her home first if she's comfortable with it," taehyun suggested.

soobin nodded, not even bothering to deny his words - especially considering it was half true and half (hopefully) soon-to-be true.

"wait, should i tell her now or do i surprise her when i pick her up?" soobin asked next, his eyes shifting between all of their expressions for an answer.

yeonjun seemed to be the only one rolling his eyes. soobin was one question away from practically asking them to handle the entire night for him.

"i think it'd be cute to surprise her! she'll be so excited and you'll get to see how happy she gets," kai cheered, even wiggling his fists in a cute gesture.

beomgyu was quick to agree with kai, but more so on the terms that you'd be supposedly impressed by soobin taking charge and making the plans in front of you rather than asking for permission.

"i'm not sure, i think she should know beforehand to have time to prepare," taehyun countered, thinking logically and being the only one to actually take you into consideration rather than just soobin. "besides, if she says no, it'll be better for her to say so now rather than to his face."

surprisingly, yeonjun agreed with taehyun in this case. he also thought it would be unfair to you to have no say in the decision and be caught off guard.

with the votes now being split 50/50, this turned the predicament back entirely onto soobin's shoulders.

slumping back to the ground in defeat, soobin began to think over which would be the best option when it came to you.

he wanted to surprise you and impress you, for sure, but he also didn't want to do so at the risk of upsetting you for not having any say in what he had planned.

this night was going to mean so much to him, he didn't want to risk screwing it up before it could even start.

・❥・

you sat at mr. jeong's desk, spinning around in his chair from boredom, waiting for the two men to eventually return from an afternoon meeting they were required to attend outside the office.

while you waited, you figured it wouldn't hurt to pull out your phone for a quick minute to occupy yourself for the time being.

surprisingly, you ended up receiving a vague message from soobin just as you had unlocked the screen.

binnie <;3: by any chance, do you like surprises?

you: mmm that depends

you: i like nice surprises but i hate scary ones

binnie <;3: noted!

binnie <;3: see you after work <3

your heart flipped in its own response as his last message came through, though making you feel ridiculous for reacting at something as small as a text heart.

it wouldn't even be the first time that either of you sent a heart to each other, but it still managed to make you giddy every single time.

after a second, it then dawned on you that soobin was clearly intending to surprise you with something after work. could it be a gift that made him think of you? was he going to bring someone along with him to meet you? did he simply just have good news to share??

there was an endless list of possibilities that you were going to end up driving yourself mad if you continued to think about it any longer.

you sighed to yourself, realizing you should have just lied and said you didn't like surprises - at least that way you could know what to expect already instead of thinking about it all day now.

what made it worse was that you wouldn't have anything to work on until mr. choi came back, leaving you with nothing else to do except think about the supposed surprise he could have planned.

you debated on messaging soobin back to forgo everything you just said earlier and to tell you what he was planning, but you were able to talk yourself out of it.

and by 'talk yourself out of it', you really just meant that mr. jeong's timing of walking back into the office forced you to hide your phone before you could do it.

at least it worked out for the better, seeing as you were finally given more work to distract yourself and it allowed for soobin to keep whatever his surprise was to himself.

by the time you were finished for the day, the thought of the surprise had actually been pushed completely out of your mind.

at least, up until you were leaving mr. choi's office and was suddenly grasped from the side - with a large hand quickly covering your mouth to muffle the yelp that you had let out in fear.

"shhh, it's okay, it's just me!" soobin's voice whispered in your ear, waiting until he felt your body relax in his hold before letting you go.

before saying anything, you first turned around and began smacking the idiot on the arm for doing something so stupid. "you do not do that to a woman, choi soobin, what is wrong with you??"

"ahhh, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry," soobin whined, grasping at his arm and cowering away from you playfully until you finally stopped hitting him.

not that you hitting him affected him any - in fact, he hardly even felt it - but man did he think you looked adorable anyway, so he enjoyed playing along.

"what are you even doing up here?" you scolded him next, glancing back at the closed doors of his father's office, worried about being caught alone by the man.

"i wanted to see you," soobin whispered simply, catching your eye and flashing his dimples when he saw your cheeks turn a cute shade of pink.

you rolled your eyes and scoffed, turning away from him entirely in a failed attempt to hide how badly you started blushing immediately afterwards.

what was with him today?

"come on, dork," you told him, pressing the button for the elevator quickly so that the two of you wouldn't dwell any longer and risk mr. choi exiting his office to see you both together.

now although mr. choi may have remained a little clueless about his son and intern, neither of you would have ever guessed that a certain assistant had full access to the security cameras.

a silent cupid, if you will.

"so?"

soobin looked down at you, tilting his head in confusion. "so what?"

so what? did he ... not remember?

furrowing your eyebrows together and forming your lips into a pout, you suddenly started to wonder if you had misunderstood the idea about soobin's mention of a surprise.

unless ... oh! unless him showing up to scare the hell out of you was actually the surprise!

well, in that case, he failed miserably on taking note of how you felt about scary surprises.

"sorry, nevermind, i thought there was going to be a different surprise," you shrugged, though feeling secretly disappointed.

it was your own fault, though, considering you raised your own expectations on such a vague message. the cute boy just wanted to see you and there you were, making yourself sad because you wanted more.

"but i haven't told you the surprise yet?"

your entire demeanor perked up, looking up to meet soobin's eyes with a giant smile you couldn't even suppress if you tried. "you haven't?" you echoed excitedly, bouncing slightly on your toes.

you were beginning to make it extremely difficult for soobin to keep himself together when you looked this cute. it was taking everything in him to not throw his entire plan for the evening out the window and just confess to you right there in the elevator of his father's company.

"nope, i'm waiting until we get outside," he told you, making your heart leap from eagerness now.

the second the elevator doors opened to the lobby, you grabbed ahold of soobin's hand and practically raced to the exit doors while pulling him in tow. you just couldn't wait any longer!

"okay, now tell me, tell me, tell me!" you chanted excitedly, bouncing up and down once the two of you made it out the doors and onto the pavement sidewalk.

"i just want to say that you are welcome to say no if you're not comfortable, okay?" soobin first disclaimed, heeding taehyun's advice from earlier about making sure you were completely okay with what he had planned.

you brought your excited bouncing to a halt, now being a little cautious about what soobin may have had in mind.

after earning a simple nod from you, soobin took a deep breath and finally came right out with it. "would- would you want ... to go to lotte world with me ... tonight?"

well, he sort of came right out with it.

stunned, your mouth gaped open and your eyes widened. after a brief recovery, you squealed excitedly and jumped up for soobin to catch you in his arms as you engulfed him in a hug. "yes, yes, oh my God! it's going to be so much fun!"

if he was being honest, soobin barely heard what you just said. all he knew was that you were excited and you were in his arms in the absolute best way possible.

had you not slowly pulled away to signal for him to put you down, he was pretty sure it would've been impossible for anyone else to get him to let you go.

he didn't know exactly what it was, but he knew that you belonged in his arms. it felt perfect; it felt right. his arms were meant to hold you and you alone.

"is that okay?"

soobin suddenly shook his head to focus back into reality and not in his daydreams, allowing him to realize he had to have missed something you just said. "what was that?"

puffing air through your nose in amusement, you repeated your question. "i asked if we could stop by my apartment first so i can change?"

"oh, of course, yeah!" soobin quickly agreed.

it was all part of the plan anyway, so it worked out that you suggested the idea before he could.

・❥・

arriving to your apartment for the second time, it was going to be the first time that soobin would get to see the inside for himself.

he knew you lived with your best friend as your roommate, but he was still eager to see all the details that resembled you all over the place. he could imagine that the cutest things would belong to you. or maybe you had a homier vibe that radiated warmth and comfort instead. unless you liked a more minimalist type of style that wasn't very showy.

regardless, he was chewing on his bottom lip excitedly behind you as you were searching for your key to unlock the door.

once you finally opened the door, soobin was first greeted by the appearance and general smell of a clean apartment. there was some sort of floral fragrance in the air, and it took only a second for him to spot the open candle at the dining table.

first impression alone had soobin feeling ashamed for ever taking you anywhere near the filthy hole he had to call a dorm.

"make yourself at home! just give me one second to change, okay?" you told soobin after handing him the guest house slippers, quickly taking off your own shoes and rushing to your room to change.

it took only a second for soobin to drive himself crazy with how cute you were, all from glancing down at the little bunny design on the guest slippers.

he wondered if he should invest in house slippers solely meant for you back at his dorm...

finally walking further into the apartment, soobin was practically creating a mental shopping list of things he wanted to get for you back at his dorm. he already included the house slippers, candles, a fuzzy throw blanket similar to the one that he found neatly folded on your couch, and was even heavily considering getting you your own mug for the kitchen.

it took him a second too long to remind himself that you two were still just friends at this moment, so it was completely insane for him to start practically moving you two in together.

but still ... he wanted you to at least visit more often.

there was still a movie that needed to be finished as well, which soobin would be sure to remind you of later.

as he continued to wait for you, soobin then found himself in front of a shelf full of picture frames. some were of, who he assumed to be, your roommate, but he instantly caught sight of the ones with your adorable smiling face.

he picked up a certain frame that consisted of you as a child, smiling and laughing about whatever it may have been back then, and never did he expect you to look even cuter than you do now.

taking a quick glance behind him to ensure you weren't coming back, soobin pulled out his phone and took a picture to save for himself. he then got carried away snapping more pictures of you from each frame.

so carried away, in fact, that he took no notice of the new presence that had entered the room.

"what the hell are you doing?"

soobin jumped in fear, letting out a small scream from having been shocked unexpectedly - especially from being caught red-handed. turning around, his entire face turned beet red when he realized that it wasn't even you that had caught him.

chaewon lifted up an accusing brow, her arms crossed as she eyed the creep who still held a photo of you in his hands.

she recognized him to be that soobin guy from the night before, but she had no reason to understand why the hell he was standing in her apartment taking creepy shots of your pictures.

"i- i'm ... i was just-," soobin stuttered, his gaze shifting between chaewon, his phone, and the picture frame still in his hands.

rolling her eyes, chaewon walked over to the creep and casually pulled the frame out of his grasp to place back onto the shelf. despite him being practically an entire foot taller, she found it incredibly hilarious that he was acting so nervous and shy.

"so you're soobin, huh?" she asked him rhetorically, since she knew full well who he was, taking a few steps back to get a better look at him up close.

thinking back to how you described him to her, he did appear to give off an aura of a gentle giant. chaewon felt better that she didn't get any bad vibes from him, or else she would have kicked him out then and there without a second thought.

"yes, i'm choi soobin. i'm friends with y/n," soobin quickly introduced himself, bowing way too formally.

considering chaewon was your best friend, he was incredibly desperate to make a good impression on her. it did not help, however, the situation that she caught him in.

"calm down, i'm not interviewing you," chaewon laughed, now understanding what you meant every time you had referred to him as your 'cute dork'.

"right, sorry," soobin found himself apologizing, feeling all the more nervous.

could you hear him silently screaming for help?

if you did catch his telepathic waves, you ignored it.

you were too busy practically having a panic attack in your bedroom trying to figure out something to wear. this was practically a date, so you needed to dress cute, but you also needed it to be something practical for an amusement park.

curse the cute boy for doing this to you!!

"so you're the one whose crazy father is trying to set you guys up together?" chaewon quizzed him suddenly, crossing her arms and causing soobin to find her all the more intimidating.

"yes, well-"

"and you're the one who let your friends message her and ignore her the other day?" chaewon interrupted with another question, smirking as the boy in front of her was about to panic.

"well, yes, but i didn't-"

"and you're also the one who's secretly in love with her?"

"yes, but i'm-"

this time, it was soobin who cut himself off. both his and chaewon's eyes widened twice their normal size, surprised at how easily it came to him to answer.

chaewon just wanted to watch him stutter like an idiot for an answer, she didn't expect him to say yes right away!

"but you're what?" chaewon urged him to finish, genuinely curious as to what the end of that sentence was going to be.

still blushing profusely, soobin took a quick glance towards your bedroom door one more time. either to ensure you weren't on your way out or to silently scream for your help, he couldn't be sure.

"but i'm ... i'm confessing tonight," soobin finally mumbled, his eyes quickly averting down to his fidgeting hands in embarrassment. he couldn't believe he was admitting this to your best friend right now.

chaewon gasped in a delighted surprise, throwing her entire intimidating demeanor from a second ago out the window. "you are? oh my God, that's so great! she's going to be so happy!"

if she was being honest, she didn't even realize that she had just casually exposed your own feelings to the boy without even thinking about it. hearing that the boy you were crushing on felt the same for you just made her so excited!!

lucky for her, though, it was still subtle enough that he didn't even manage to catch on to her words.

"do you think she'll say yes?" soobin asked her, desperation laced in his voice as he looked at your best friend expectantly for a response.

if anyone would know what to expect from you, it would be her.

smirking now, chaewon glanced over to see that your bedroom door was slowly beginning to open. "let's put it this way, lover boy. i don't know all about you just because i'm a good guesser," she told him in a low voice, taking her leave to walk towards the kitchen once you finally stepped out.

"hey, cutie, where are you going?" chaewon called out to you playfully from her new place in front of the kitchen counter.

"soobin's taking me to lotte world!" you answered her cheerfully, practically skipping over to stand beside soobin and wrap your hands around his arm.

"ooh, lotte world? sounds like fun~," she commented, secretly biting her tongue to prevent herself from making any remarks that would hint at soobin's plan for the night.

she already couldn't wait for you to come back so she could hear every single detail.

"so you're ready?" soobin asked you, looking down and noticing your change of clothes.

you nodded excitedly, dragging him along with you out of the apartment after bidding a rushed goodbye to chaewon. you were so happy to be going with soobin that you didn't want to waste a single second on your way.

in contrast to your usual way of traveling, this time you and soobin would take the subway in order to reach lotte world much quicker and with greater ease — seeing as it would take roughly 10 minutes to reach the exit directly connected to the park.

what neither of you were prepared for, though, was the mass of people that filled the subway - a mixture of families headed home from work and a few headed for a long night of drinking at whatever bar or club they could find.

all the seats were filled from what you both could see, but soobin managed to find an unoccupied handrail for the two of you to share. soobin made sure to stand in between you and the men that occupied the seat beside the rail, not wanting to risk any chance of either of them making you uncomfortable.

you stayed rather silent during the trip, for many reasons.

the first reason being that you felt shy with so many people surrounding the two of you, and it embarrassed you to have complete strangers hearing your conversation.

not that anything you'd say would be embarrassing at all, but it was your own anxiety that made you nervous.

the second reason was that you couldn't bring yourself to speak even if you wanted to. the cause behind that being soobin's gentle hand resting carefully on your waist, protecting you on the off-chance that you lost balance at all during the ride.

even with a layer of clothing in between, soobin's touch still emitted sparks coursing through your veins.

could he feel them too?

was he even aware of how he made you feel at all?

in this instance, soobin was clueless. he was more focused on everyone around you, watching carefully for anyone's possible lingering stares or wandering hands.

he was never a fan of the subway, having heard many horror stories - and seen many dramas - of creepy men that would take advantage of women. never would he ever want you to deal with anything like that, not as long as he could be there beside you to prevent it.

in which case, left him paying no attention to your blushing cheeks or the goosebumps on your skin from the position of his hand.

・❥・

in a matter of no time, though it felt like years to you, the both of you finally exited the subway and walked a short ways to reach the south gate entrance.

despite your insisting to help cover at least half of the entrance fee, soobin hushed you and ended up covering all the costs for himself - even going as far to splurge on magic passes to prevent any waiting for a few of the popular rides.

"soobin, you can't keep doing that," you pouted, feeling worse than you should that he kept paying for you everywhere you went.

meanwhile, it didn't bother soobin in the slightest. he adored being able to treat you to anything and everything you wanted, just as long as it made you smile.

besides, it was his father's money. he did want you two together, right? in which case, soobin was sure he wouldn't mind either.

"come on, what do you want to do first?" soobin asked you, intertwining your hands perfectly together that it felt as if it were the most natural instinct in the world.

after only a second of pondering, your eyes landed on the sign of the closest ride - with an estimated wait time of only 20 minutes. luckily for you both, the 'premium' magic pass that decorated your wrists would allow you to skip the line.

"let's go here," you urged soobin, tugging cutely for him to follow behind you as you led him to the adventures of sinbad.

seeing as you got to skip the waiting, you and soobin were placed in the perfect spot at the very front of the ride. you were, unfortunately, joined later by a lone rider to make a set of 3, but it didn't bother either of you that much.

you still held each other's hand and giggled happily together for every twist and turn - even 'ooh'ing and 'ahh'ing at the dragon animatronics.

it was barely the first ride out of many, but you already didn't want the day with soobin to end. you hadn't been to lotte world ever since you were a child, so creating this new memory with the adorable boy beside you meant everything.

you truly wished you could live it forever.

"i know where we're going next," soobin laughed beside you, now being the one to tug at your hand to follow him to the conquistador next door.

only this time, you hesitated. you used your free hand to grasp at his wrist to gain his attention, wanting to stop him from going any further. "actually, that ride's really cramped, i don't know if i want to go on that one," you told him.

it was true that the ride was very cramped, seeing as it held almost up to 60 people at a time, but he and his friends never really saw that as a problem before.

the only other person he knew who wasn't a fan of the ride was huening, but that was because ...

soobin looked back over at you to study your face, realizing that you looked a little nervous every time you watched the mechanical boat go upwards. figuring it was a little more than just a cramped ride that made you reluctant, he chose to play along and avoid teasing you just this once.

"you're right, we can go on something else," he reassured you, squeezing your hand gently and leading you away from the ride.

after discovering your new fear, soobin mentally created a list of rides to avoid and not bother suggesting on the chance that they would make you uncomfortable. he wanted to make this night a wonderful experience for you, and he was not about to risk anything.

the drunken basket, however, was a bit of a question mark. he figured it couldn't hurt to ask, seeing as it wasn't that high up.

"would you be okay going up there?" soobin asked you, pointing towards the currently spinning basket ride.

if you were being honest, watching it spin around made you dizzy just from looking at it, but you refused to skip any more rides and ruin the evening for soobin. if you kept saying no to anything that made you worry, he may end up having no fun with you at all.

"yeah, looks like fun!" you lied through a forced smile, taking deep breaths after he turned around in order to comfort yourself before you reached it.

declaring yourself as a party of two, the worker allowed you both to your own basket before shutting the tiny door that would supposedly keep you in.

staring long and hard at the metal disk in the center, you suddenly grew even more nervous at the thought of getting motion sick.

"we don't have to spin it if you don't want to," soobin reassured you, smiling gently as he noticed your nerves once again.

"no, no, we can! just not too much, okay?" you told him, focusing on your deep breaths once again.

once the ride started, soobin ignored your protests and ended up scooting over from his place across from you to sit directly by your side. he used one arm to hold you tightly against him, allowing you to tuck your face into his coat, while his other hand turned the disk around only a couple times.

he was curious, he couldn't help himself.

besides, you felt safer being held so closely to him, so you didn't mind one bit. for a second, you forgot you were even on the ride at all.

once it was over, the two of you ended up stumbling around a bit on your way down - soobin more than you - and you opted for waiting off to the side for a second so that you could regain your balance.

"oh, binnie, look!" you cheered excitedly, pointing over to a nearby attraction that piqued your interest.

it took soobin a second to follow where you were pointing, his heart distracting him as it flipped over from hearing your name for him fall casually from your lips.

"the mirror maze?" he finally asked, tilting his head and smiling at you so cutely.

if he had known before that something like this would have you smiling so brightly and adorably at him, he would have suggested lotte world ages ago.

"yeah, do you want try it?" you asked him, bouncing on your toes in a failed attempt to prevent yourself from getting overexcited.

now how could soobin possibly say no to someone as cute as you?

not that he would ever dare to deny you anything in the world.

"sure, cutie, let's go."

... cutie?!

had soobin not said it in such a cute, cooing way, that simple sentence had the potential to sound a lot flirtier, which could have easily made you lose your mind without any effort.

not that you weren't already.

after soobin swore he had the entire maze memorized and insisted he lead you through, it made it all the funnier to watch him walk face first into the first mirror.

from there, it was as if everywhere he tried to turn was a mirror, causing you to laugh at him the whole time. you would ask if he'd like any help, but apparently he would rather play on false confidence that he supposedly knew where he was going.

"i think they change the mirrors," soobin tried to justify, practically looking like a mime as his hands touched over every mirror surrounding the two of you.

"i'm sure they do, binnie," you teased him, having a much easier time than he had as you finally took charge and guided yourself through each turn to find the exit.

once the two of you finally made it out, soobin began jokingly gasping for air as if you had been trapped in there for days.

your heart swelled as you giggled, adoring how cute he was every time he made you laugh.

intertwining your hands together once more, with both of your hearts simultaneously racing, you began to work your way through the crowd in order to spot anymore attractions to enjoy before moving on to the next floor.

of course, your eyes refused to miss the bright, shining lights of the camelot carousel practically screaming at you.

"aww, binnie, let's ride the carousel!" you chanted happily, walking backwards as you dragged him by hand and watched his cute little dimples flash at you.

normally soobin wouldn't care for the carousel, but he would ride it 100 times over for you if you simply told him so.

from once believing that the carousel was a rather boring ride, soobin was suddenly convinced that it was the best attraction out of the entire park. watching you laugh, smile, and cheer so giddily made the ride appear so much brighter than before.

he couldn't resist taking his phone out to capture just how pretty you looked from his view, despite your protests and lies that you weren't. it took him only a second to decide to make you his lock screen, and it took even less time to choose which of the many was his favorite.

there was something about the way you looked at him in one of the pictures that had his heart swelling, flipping, and racing all at once. he didn't want to get his hopes up, but it almost looked like ... maybe, just maybe, there was a deeper feeling to your eyes whenever they looked at him — just like how his shined every time he looked at you.

sighing in content, he couldn't help but to think that everything about the night was running smoothly.

you were happy, soobin was happy, and his entire plan was on track to take you to magic island for the end of the night moonboat ride, where he would then confess to you.

and then ... soobin made a slight miscalculation.

[ to be continued ... ]

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a/n:

okay FIRST OF ALL, i may have practically gone to lotte world myself with how much i'm studying that damn park map. i didn't want to talk out of my ass and start naming things that weren't there, so i aimed for accuracy and i beg of you to pls acknowledge me for it ��

secondly, i was originally going to make this one LONG final post buuuuut ... let's just say it ended up being way longer than i expected and i figured you guys would rather enjoy a two-parter anyway <3

PLS PLS enjoy it !!! the second part is still currently in progress, so look forward to it very soon while also enjoying part 1 !!

taglist:

@sha-aesthic @wccycc @yjusei @ihrtgyu @strawberrydaichi @seodami @sparkswhoz @o934pm @dongmeiii @cannedturtle @intrrverted @fanfangying1304 @n0tprettybutt1red @human-misery @baekberrie @softcabur

[ bold = couldn't be tagged :( ]

#tomorrow x together #tomorrow x together imagine #tomorrow x together imagines #txt #txt imagines #txt fluff #txt imagine #choi soobin #choi soobin x reader #soobin #soobin x reader #soobin imagines #choi soobin imagines #soobin fluff

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cels-not-so-secret-love-affair · 3 months ago

Text

falling to the music pt. 4 (jily)

a/n: we’re back again with jily because i am infested by brainworms. read on for marlene’s introduction, some little glimpses into what’s going on with remus and sirius (they’ll work it out, promise) and jily first kiss(es). p.s: the song the marauders cover is one of the boys by mott the hoople, and it’s a banger.

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Over the next good few days, the two of them text quite a bit. The habit just slips in, alongside her morning coffee and her nighttime skincare routine. James seems to be completely swamped with uni work, but still makes time for her, messaging her on his lunch breaks and phoning her up from the fruit and veg aisle in his beloved big Tesco’s to ask for her professional opinion on what he should prep for lunches that week. He sends her pictures of him brushing his teeth in his pyjamas at five o’clock in the morning, because he’s insane and likes to get up early, and she sends back photos of the sky in the evenings and her second (or third, or twelfth) latte that day. There’s a lot to learn about James. And, unusually in Lily’s experience, he seems to be equally as curious about her. He wants to know her favourite everything - colour, season, tv show, flower, music decade, sport. Then he wants to know why they’re her favourites, which prompts even more questions. It’s never an interrogation, though. He just wants to know.

Four weeks on from that first blinding meeting at the concert, then, and Lily is tucked up soundly in bed watching Criminal Minds on her laptop when a now-familiar notification lights up her bedside table. It’s James again - she can tell by the text tone. It’s different to her usual one. Instead of the normal chirpy sounding ping it’s a guitar riff, because she’s got a fucking crush.

James: hey lils?

Lily: Hi, James.

James: hello!

James: so i was thinking

James: we’re doing another gig soon, right?

James: and it’s a proper nice venue, i’m really excited about it

James: and i was wondering

James: if maybe you’d sort of almost kind of want to come?

James: you’d get all the friend of the band privileges and stuff, so you could turn up early (if you wanted) for soundcheck

James: and we could get you backstage too

James: oh and you could bring some friends if they’d want to come too

James: and everything would be free of course

James: drinks as well

James: idk, i just thought it would be nice to see each other so

James: is that like something you’d be up for?

Lily: Jamie, sweetheart.

Lily: I’ve been trying to send the word ‘yes’ since about six messages ago.

James: oh!

James: okay well yay!!

James: i’ll go grab the details and send them over then?

Lily: That’d be great :)

James: oh my god

Lily: What?

James: you just used a smiley face

Lily: Yeah? What’s wrong?

James: nothings wrong it’s just like

James: lily evans of proper punctuation and capital letters fame just used a smiley face

James: you would not believe how hard i am punching the air rn

James: i’m rubbing off on you ;)

Lily: Maybe so ;)

Lily: You two need to stage an intervention for me.

Marlene: hi lilsss

Marlene: bit extreme

Marlene: what are we supposed to be putting a stop to exactly?

Lily: Heterosexuality.

Marlene: oh okay in which case yes you’re correct and i am totally game

Mary: are we talking about james again x

Mary: lily sweetheart, you’re down bad 💗

Lily: I know, it’s awful.

Lily: However, would the two of you like to go out Friday night?

Marlene: fuck yes

Marlene: life is kicking my arse i need to get DRUNK

Marlene: tell me a time and place and i’m there

Mary: i’m free! x

Lily: Perfect!

Mary: where are we going? x

Lily: Right.

Lily: Promise you won’t take the piss.

Marlene: physically impossible, that

Marlene: but carry on

Lily: I may have just invited you to James’ next gig.

Mary: oh babes x

Mary: well at least it’s another chance for me to get a proper look at him

Mary: make sure he’s good enough for you 💋

Marlene: tbf if there’s music and alcohol i’m happy

Marlene: and sure i’m curious about this guy and his band

Marlene: no piss taken on my end

Marlene: this time, we’ll see what i have to say once i’ve actually seen the bloke

Lily: I don’t deserve your kindness.

Friday whips around like a bullet, and before she’s even registered it Lily’s waiting anxiously outside of the venue in the cold, all dolled up and feeling vaguely nauseous. It’s not that she’s worried - Lily Evans is a confident woman, always has been and always will. A man is not about to muck that up for her. But he hasn’t responded to her text saying she’s there yet, and her friends are about to meet him, and it’s only her second fucking time seeing him in person which doesn't feel correct at all but that’s how it is apparently and blimey why is it so cold? But then she can hear a voice she’s most used to hearing over the phone, and suddenly things just seem to quiet.

��Lily!’, comes James’ delighted cry as he jogs towards her from around the corner. His hair is messy as ever, and his eyes are creased up in that big beaming grin he wears so easily. Stopping in front of her rather breathlessly, he suddenly becomes awkward, hands fidgeting.

‘Sorry, I- I’m just realising we haven’t really, uh, done this… Could I give you a hug? Is that okay?’ Lily laughs, somewhat reassured by his obvious nervousness.

‘Sure, James. I’d like that.’ He pulls her into his arms then, and God she could just melt. He’s got the same cologne on from when they first met which of course means he smells practically edible, and his arms are strong and warm and comforting, and yeah, she could get used to this. But then he’s pulling away, and the cold that she had temporarily forgotten about begins to seep back into her bones with his absence.

‘Will you introduce me to your friends?’

‘Oh, yeah, sorry. Uh, James, this is Mary, Mary, James.’ James offers his hand to Mary, who shakes it and smiles appraisingly. ‘And then this is Marlene.’

‘Nice to meet you, Potter. I’ve heard a lot about you.’

‘Nothing too bad, I hope?’, James laughs, leaning across to greet Marlene too.

‘Well, we’ll see,’ she replies, returning the handshake with a strong grip.

James takes them in through the side door - ‘Alright, Sean? Yeah, these girls are with me, thanks man’ - and through to where the rest of the band are hanging out. Sirius is laying with his head in Remus’ lap (whose long legs are dangling off the edge of the stage), staring idly at the ceiling and speaking softly so that Remus has to lean down to listen to him. They make a complimentary pair, and seem very at ease with each other. Peter meanwhile is sat behind his drum kit texting furiously, but he looks up when he hears them arrive.

‘Hiya James, hiya Lily! Hiya Lily’s friends!’

‘Dezzie still breathing, Wormy?’ Peter looks slightly shy, but nods anyways.

‘Yeah, she’s doing good.’

‘Glad to hear it! Come say hello, won’t you?’

‘Two ticks!’

‘Sorry guys, bloody impolite this lot.’ James smiles ruefully at the girls. ‘Oi Pads, Moons! Get off your arses and talk to our guests!’ At this, Sirius and Remus look up from where they’re sat together in the corner, pulled forcibly out of their conversation and back into the room.

‘Hey, it’s Magdalene!’, Sirius grins, scrambling up quickly and bounding over to them. He winks at Mary as he says hello to her, then turns to Marlene, but is interrupted just as he begins to speak.

‘Lesbian, mate. Don’t try it.’

‘Ah. Duly noted. Nice hair! Now, Mary, darling…’ Remus, looking slightly hurt after having been abandoned, hauls himself up to his feet and comes to greet them too. He introduces himself to Lily and Marlene (since Mary is in the middle of being distracted) and Lily realises with some surprise that it’s the first time she’s hearing him speak. He’s quite quiet, with a singsong sort of accent and nice clear vowels. She shakes his hand warmly and is reminded of her impression of him when he was playing his solo. Then Peter finds it within himself to put his phone away and also joins them in conversation. He’s somewhat awkward, looking to James whenever his voice falters, but Marlene asks him a few questions about the band and he begins to chat quite earnestly. James beams delightedly and leans in to speak in a low voice into Lily’s ear.

‘Your friends are nice.’

‘Yours aren’t half bad.’

‘It’s good to see you, you know. You look lovely.’

‘Thank you, Jamie. It’s good to see you too.’

The venue starts to fill up with the rest of the crowd about a half an hour later, and the girls are front row. It’s really exciting, actually. There’s that sort of pre-concert buzz in the air, the low thrum of anticipation that underscores the chatter and the indie rock music playing faintly in the background whilst people buy drinks. A few girls just behind Lily are scrolling through The Marauders’ Instagram page, the glow of their phones lighting up bright, curious faces in the dimmed room. It’s clear that they don’t really know the band, but as they look through their posts a sort of running commentary starts up. One girl likes Sirius, which of course she does, and speculates rather loudly and inappropriately about the possibility of fucking him. Another protests at this, declaring that James is clearly the hotter of the two - ‘Look at that man in this photo and tell me he isn’t fit as anything!’, she says, passing her phone over and wiggling her eyebrows. Lily smirks quietly to herself. Yes, he’s fit, she thinks. And he wants me. The feeling brings a slight heat up to her cheeks.

Her thoughts are soon interrupted by a round of applause as the boys take their places on stage, Sirius leading them on. There’s a short moment of fidgeting with leads and adjusting guitar straps, before Peter raises his drumsticks in the air and looks to Sirius for his approval. All is quiet. Sirius nods, almost imperceptibly. The sound of the sticks rings out into the hush of the room for four clear counts. Then, all hell breaks loose.

The concert is insane, to put it lightly. By the time it’s over, Lily reckons she’s sweated off about six litres of water, her mascara is slightly smudged underneath her eyes and her feet are killing her. There’s a dull ache in the back of her head that won’t go away and she’s painfully aware of the fact that she’s scheduled a nine am study session with Alice for tomorrow. She wouldn’t change a thing. When the worst of the crowd has dispersed, their excited conversation and loud peals of laughter drifting out of the room, she checks in with Mary and Marlene before beginning to head round to the side door. Both report that they thoroughly enjoyed themselves, with Mary gushing enthusiastically about The Marauders’ cover of ‘One of the Boys’ and Marlene conceding that yes, they were quite good actually. Lily smiles giddily at having earnt her seal of approval, mentally congratulating James for passing the test. It’s cold when they get outside. The night is sweeping and gorgeous as they step out into the street, all bright lights and rushing cars, and there’s a sort of breathless exhilaration in being at the centre of it.

Lily’s just about to knock when the door is pulled quickly open from the other side. The sudden absence of it surprises her, and she loses her balance somewhat, which sends her stumbling forwards a few paces. Stumbling straight into James, as it happens.

‘Hey, steady on, mate- oh. It’s you!’ Lily rights herself quickly, startled, and blinks rapidly at him, the tops of her ears tinged ever so slightly pink. James looks down at her rather fondly and cracks a broad, easy grin.

‘Sorry Lily. I didn’t mean to give you a fright! I thought you’d be, y’know. Further away.’

‘Don’t worry, just a bit… unexpected, is all. You were amazing tonight.’

‘Thank you! I tried to look in your direction as much as I could, but I think I lost track of you towards the end a bit. Did you have a good time?’ He directs the last part to the group, peering over Lily’s head at Mary and Marlene and raising a hand to wave at them good-naturedly. This seems to suddenly make Lily aware of their proximity, as she moves back a bit to join ranks with her friends.

‘Yes, thanks,’ nods Marlene, in response to his question. ‘You guys aren’t half bad.’

‘Cheers, that means a lot.’

‘Will Sirius be coming out?’, Mary inquires. Lily shoots her a look, but she simply shrugs her shoulders and waits unabashedly for a response. James becomes awkward.

‘No, sorry, I don’t think so. He’s a bit, uh… occupied.’

‘He’s snogging Remus,’ yells a disembodied voice from beyond the doorway. It soon reveals itself to be Peter, who claps a hand on James’ shoulder and acknowledges the girls with a quick smile. ‘Quite thoroughly, actually’, he adds, matter-of-factly.

‘Oh. I didn’t know those two were an item,’ says Mary, looking a bit put out. James sighs, and rubs a hand across his forehead.

‘They’re not together, technically, it’s- it’s complicated. Did you really have to rat them out like that, Wormtail?’

‘It’s in the name, Prongsie-boy, it’s in the name.’

‘Yeah, well, anyways. Forget that. How are you ladies getting home? D’you need a lift?’

‘No, thank you, Jamie,’ Lily replies. ‘We can make our own way home just fine.’

‘You sure? I really wouldn’t mind, it would be my pleasure.’

‘The bloke’s offering, Lils. May as well take him up on it - especially if it’s a pleasure,’ presses Marlene, arching an eyebrow and smirking at her in a way that few would consider subtle. Lily pokes her tongue out back, but relents.

‘I mean, it would be useful, so long as you’re absolutely sure it’s no trouble.’

James’ car is nice; the kind of nice where you’re scared of getting in with mud on your shoes and it appears whoever designed it had an intense phobia of colours and non-curved objects. Heated-seats-nice. That bit’s pretty bloody lovely, to be fair. James, however, doesn’t seem to notice that it’s nice, and flops into the driver’s seat without a care in the world, slamming the car door and swivelling round in his seat to grin at the girls.

‘Chauffeur James, at your service. Where are we going?’

They drop off Mary first, since her house is pretty much on the way to Marlene and Lily’s. She thanks James for the ride, says her goodbyes to both her friends and disappears through the front door with a flurry of shouts about meeting up again soon as she blows giggling kisses over her shoulder. James’ eyes crease up amusedly as he watches her go. Then Lily taps her and Marlene’s address into the sat nav, and off they go again, cruising steadily past streetlights and takeaway places. Inside the car is pleasantly warm and the world outside seems to dissolve into a dreamy blur of softened shapes and colours. It’s nicer than public transport, Lily is forced to admit to herself. She watches James’ relaxed manner as he drives, smiles sleepily to herself and enjoys the soft, safe feeling that has begun to cradle her chest. Home comes far too quickly.

‘Here we are,’ James announces rather uselessly to the inhabitants of the house he’s just pulled up in front of. ‘Give me a minute, I’ll come round and open the door for you guys.’ He does as much, and Lily and Marlene get out, forced to sacrifice the warmth of the car for the brisk chill of the night outside it. Lily is distantly aware that this is her cue to say goodbye and go inside. This understanding hasn’t seemed to translate to her limbs just yet though, because she’s making no effort to actually walk towards the door. Marlene looks at her friend, then at James - who’s practically her mirror image opposite her - then sighs in a way that suggests she’s tired of being stuck in the middle of them.

‘I’ll be in my room if you need me, Lils. Have fun… standing.’ Lily blinks, then nods slowly.

‘Sure. I won’t be long.’

‘Yeah, okay. Thank you, James, for the lift and the night out. I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you again so, until then.’ Marlene waves at him, and departs.

‘So. This is your house. This is where we… part ways for the night, yeah?’ James says once she’s gone. He’s looking at Lily with big eyes like a rather mournful puppy, which is a fairly accurate representation of how she feels about having to say goodbye too.

‘I guess. We can chat for a bit though, can’t we? I know I’ve been watching you on stage all night, but I feel like I haven’t really seen you.’

‘Sure, yes, perfect, love that. Chatting. Hi!’ Lily covers a laugh with her hand and looks down at her feet.

‘Hello, Jamie,’ she replies, composing herself just enough to look him in the eyes again. Her cheeks ache from smiling.

‘You know you’re one of three people in my life to call me that?’

‘Am I really?’

‘Mhmm. It used to be just Sirius and my mum, but now it’s Sirius, my mum and… you. It’s weird.’

‘Should I stop?’

‘No, no, absolutely not. I like it. I like being Jamie to you.’ James’ voice is soft and shy.

‘Okay.’ Lily stares at him again awkwardly, lost for what to say to prolong the conversation but still not wanting to leave just yet. They’re both just smiling at each other quietly like giddy children.

‘Oh, you know what? To hell with it!’, Lily says suddenly. Then, with a business like tone and all in one breath: ‘James Potter, I have had a very nice evening and I think I should like to be kissed goodnight to round it off. Do you feel the same?’ James’ eyes widen a fraction as he processes, then flick to her lips. He takes a step closer, closing the gap that Marlene’s departure created, and brings a gentle hand up to cup her face.

‘Yes. Yes, I think I do,’ he says, before tilting his head and leaning in to kiss her sweetly. It’s a short kiss, tentative and caring, but when they pull apart he’s breathless from nerves. Lily grins at him.

‘Alright there?’

‘Yeah, uh… yeah. Glasses.’

‘What about them?’, asks Lily teasingly.

‘Not very conducive to kissing you properly.’

‘Well, we can’t have that. Kissing me properly is very important. Want me to take them off for you?’

‘Yeah. Yes, please. God, my brain’s gone to mush.’

‘I sometimes have that effect.’ Laughing, she removes James’ glasses, taking care not to poke him, and folds them shut. ‘That better?’

‘Much,’ James affirms, wrapping his free arm around her waist and pulling her into another kiss, this time deeper and more confident. Lily hums with approval, and reaches up to tangle her hands in his hair. Making out with James exceeds expectations, she finds, and a dizzying euphoria takes over her as he walks her backwards so that she’s up against the car. The two of them get lost in each other for a while. They fit easily together, exploring and enjoying each other with pleasant curiosity. James treats her tenderly, going slow and generally following her lead. Lily, for her part, has been thinking about this ever since James first got up on that damned stage, and very much intends to make the most of it. But then he’s hesitating, and breaking away from her, which is bloody unfair because they were just getting started, and he’d better have a good reason for this because all she really wants to do right now is to continue snogging him senseless. She leans back against the cool metal of the car with her arms crossed and peers at him inquiringly.

‘Lils… don’t get me wrong, this is like the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I am absolutely on cloud nine right now… but it’s, uh, it’s late. You told Marlene you wouldn’t be long, and I don’t want her to worry or anything. I’m sorry.’ Lily stares up at him and his sweet, sincere little face and finds herself simultaneously irked and endeared by him. Ugh. Curse him and his gentlemanly ways.

‘Yeah, that is true. God, you’re too nice for your own good. If you didn’t remind me about that we could have fucked in your car.’ James’ mouth falls open with a flustered expression. Lily snorts. ‘It’s fine, you can just dream of me for the time being. Save the sex for another day.’

‘Wow. Um, okay. You know Lily, you don’t make it easy for respectable blokes like me.’

‘That’s ‘cause it’s more fun,’ she giggles cheekily, tapping him on the nose. ‘Right. I’ll be off then. Thank you for my goodnight kiss - or kisses, actually - and text me when you’re home, okay Jamie?’

‘Of course. Goodnight, Lily Evans.’

‘Goodnight.’

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