#houda huntington

[llama-head]

Transcript Below

[Paolo] So this is Parker.

[Parker] ‘Sup.

[Emory] Hey. 

[J] Hi. 

[Marcus] How did you two meet?

[Paolo] At a bar.

[Emory] Ohhh. I recognize you now.

[Parker] Oh, really?

[Emory] Yeah, you should go say hi to Johnny.

[Paolo] Why?

[Emory] They’ve met before, that’s all.

[Travis] It’s nice to see you dating again, Pao.

[Paolo] Yeah, figured I’d get back into the game. ‘Bout time, anyway.

[Marcus] So, Parker, what do you do for a living?

[Parker] I’m a dancer.

[Marcus] Oh.

[Travis] That’s, uh, cool.

[Parker] It’s alright.

[J] Do you do, like, back up dancing or?

[Paolo] J, you sweet summer child.

[J] What?

[Parker] I’m an exotic dancer, dude.

[J] OH!

[Paolo] Idiot.

[Sofia] That’s super cool! I see stuff about strippers on Tiktok all the time!

[Travis] Um, honey-

[Sofia] You guys make, like a lot of money, do you?

[Travis] Sofie.

[Parker] Uh, I mean sometimes? It depends.

[Travis] Do you have a lot of cute outfits, cute shoes?

[Parker] Um.

[Travis] Sofia!

[Sofia] What?

[Travis] Stop interrogating her.

[Sofia] Hm?

[Parker] Oh, it’s alright it happens.

[Houda] Um, anyway how long have you two been dating?

[Paolo] About four months.

[Houda] Oh wow!

[Paolo] Yeah, we live together and everything.

[J] You live together!

[Paolo] Yeah?

[J] You live together and you’re only introducing us now?

[Paolo] You’re not my mom, J.

[J] I am your best friend!

[Paolo] So? I didn’t meet Houda until you were engaged!

[J] She was studying abroad!

[Paolo] And I’m studying a broad, so fuck off.

[Parker] Awe, thanks babe.

[Marcus] Jesus dude.

[Cassandra] Wait, if Houda was studying abroad how did you two meet?

[J] We met before she left.

[Houda] And he wouldn’t stop texting me for the next three years.

[Marcus] J, you had a long distance relationship for three years?

[J] Yeah and what about it?

[Marcus] I’m just surprised you could go that long. In college!

[J] She was hot!

[Houda] Was?

[J] IS! I meant is.

[llama-head]

Transcript Under the Cut!

Marcus: Huh?

Cassandra: Goths and Landgraabs don’t get along. 

Marcus: Why?

Johnny: Business stuff. 

Cassandra: We’re both real estate moguls and there’s a vast history of stealing land from each other. 

Johnny: Land that wasn’t really either of ours. 

Houda: You guys talk as if you aren’t apart of the families. 

Cassandra: Hey, I’m a Flex now. 

Johnny: And I only recently became a Landgraab again.

Cassandra: One day I’ll have to worry about it but for now, I’m just distance myself from it. 

Johnny: Same. 

Paolo: Also Annie, you were always rich. 

Annie: I may have spent most of inheritance on clothes soooo no. 

Paolo: How did you spend that much on clothes? 

Annie: We weren’t millionaires or anything. I did buy a house.

Jay: You weren’t millionaires? 

Annie: No, why did you think that?

Jay: I thought your dad sold some company for millions?

Annie: Well, for like, four million or something. He bought our house, spoiled us and our mom for most of our lives and totally didn’t invest in anything stupid and lose half his fortune or anything. 

Houda: He did what?

Annie: Noel and I looked into it when we got our inheritance, numbers didn’t add up. 

Jay: Damn Dante fucked up. 

Annie: He sure did. It was still a lot of money just not as much as you think. 

Emory: She still bought a ridiculous amount of clothes. 

Annie: I did, I was dumb.

Jay: Emory, what did you do with your not as much as we thought but still a lot of money inheritance? 

Emory: I saved it. 

Jay: The proper answer! 

Annie: He didn’t save it to be smart, he saved it because he didn’t want it. Emory: Yeah, I donated some of it when I got older and recently I bought a house. 

Griffin: Hell yeah you did. 

Emory: Griffin also lives in said house. 

Travis: Ah, you’re his sugar baby. 

Griffin: I am.

Emory: You are not. 

Griffin: Babe, I totally am.

Emory: Griffin. 

Summer: Hey, I married my sugar daddy. 

Emory: Or you’re not with Paolo?

Summer: Oh god no.

Paolo: Yeah dude, she’s not exactly my type.

Emory: Oh, you guys were sitting together so I just assumed.

Summer: No, my precious Hugo couldn’t make it tonight, busy working. 

Paolo: Of course he’s busy working he spent half his money on you.

Summer: Yeah, he’s bought me so many things. 

Paolo: No Summer, I meant your many, many surgeries.

Jay: Paolo, oh my god.

Houda: You can’t say that. 

Paolo: Why not? It’s fucking obvious.

Travis: I’m just glad someone said something and I wasn’t imagining it. 

Emory: No, I noticed the moment I saw her. I know her boobs and those aren’t her boobs. 

Summer: You guys suck. 

Paolo: You love us Summer, why else would you come down from your castle to see us? 

Summer: Literally all of you can fuck off. 

Annie: Oh Summer.

[llama-head]

Transcript Under the Cut!!

Cassandra: I’m pretty sure we all have kids, right?

Summer:  I don’t.

Cassandra: Right, sorry Summer. 

Summer: No, it’s fine I don’t want any.

Marcus: Sometimes I think we shouldn’t have had any.

Cassandra: Oh stop, babies are just difficult. 

Marcus: Wait Emory, if you don’t have social media you don’t know who half these people are, do you?

Emory: No, but I was just gonna piece it together. 

Paolo: Oh my god dude.

Marcus: This is Cassandra, my wife. Sitting with Travis is his wife Sofia, and with Jay is his wife Houda.

Emory: Ah, hello. So most of you have kids? 

Jay: Yeah man, you have one too right?

Emory:  I have two. 

Jay: Oh shit, they weren’t in the photo.

Emory: Griffin was still pregnant with her.

Jay: Excuse me?

Houda: You’re part alien right?

Griffin: Yeah, I am.

Jay: Ah that sums it up.

Houda: I thought that was pretty obvious Jay.

Jay: Well, yeah, it is now.

Houda: Idiot.

Jay: So you have a daughter?

Emory: Yeah, English.

Jay: And the teenager.

Emory: Yeah, Jax.

Jay: So is he why you disappeared into oblivion? It must have been around the same time, right? When he was born?

Emory: I, uh, I actually didn’t know he existed up until a few months ago.

Jay: Shit, really? Who’s his mom?

Emory: Oh, um, Donnie is. 

Jay: Who’s Donnie?

Emory: Oh, um-

Marcus: Oh is he another part alien, is that like your thing? 

Emory: No, no, he went to school with us.

Travis: The only Donnie I knew was Don Lothario. 

Emory: Oh my god no.

Travis: Yeah I didn’t think he could get pregnant.

Paolo: Is it...Payton? 

Emory: Yeah.

Marcus: OH.

Paolo: So sh-he’s Donnie now, huh?

Emory: Yeah.

Paolo: Whatever happened to him? He was hot.

Griffin: He’s still hot.

Emory: Yeah, he lives in Sulani currently.

Paolo: Sulani?

Emory: Yeah.

Paolo: That’s so cool, I always wanted to go there.

Emory: It’s really nice. 

Paolo: You’ve been?

Emory: Yeah I spent New Years there.

Jay: No offense Griffin but I always thought you and A-Donnie would end up together.

Marcus: Yeah same, you two were always so weird about each other.

Annette: They’re still weird around each other. 

Emory: We are not. 

Griffin: Dude, you so are. 

Emory: He’s just, like my brother.

Johnny: Is that so? I’m like your brother and you’re not weird with me.

Emory: I’m not but Griffin and you are weird together. 

Griffin: That’s very true. If only Wolfgang was here.

Travis:  That weird emo kid who was friends with Noel?

Emory: Yep.

Paolo: He’s still around?

Annette: Yeah he’s in the photos.

Marcus: The beard guy? That’s the emo? 

Emory: Yeah, he’s still pretty emo.

Griffin: Wolfgang was emo?

Annette:  Oh god, you didn’t know?

Griffin: No, why has no one told me?

Emory: Forgot.

Travis: Sofia grew up around Wolfgang, right? 

Sofia: Yeah kinda. He was sorta a dick though. Him and the other “Renegades” didn’t like me and my friends.

Griffin: Oh my god, were you a Paragon? 

Sofia: Oh god, he’s told you about it?

Griffin:  When he was in a gang? Yeah he’s mentioned it a couple times.

Sofia: They weren’t a gang, they were a bunch of jerks pissed off at the world who took it out on the popular kids.

Travis: Yet he hung out with the Garcias.

Sofia: My best friend’s younger brother was in it, so maybe they just didn’t like her but it was weird. He’s like, six years younger than me so they were hanging out with a child.

Griffin: Yeah, that’s kinda what I got from what he told me.

Johnny: Same, there was no way it was actually a gang. He definitely got in fights with someone though. His nose is like a rollercoaster.

Sofia: Oh yeah, he got in fights with whoever.

Griffin: He’s really chill now though.

Sofia: Oh I’m sure, everyone grows up. I’m not saying my friends and I didn’t play into either. Just a bunch of dumb teenagers. And a child.

Travis: He just looks like a hippie now.

Emory: He kinda is, he’s into witchcraft and shit. Noel’s house is like full of crystals and herbs. 

Annette: Smells like awful when you walk in.

Emory: Like your house doesn’t smell like cheap weed.

Johnny: That is entirely my fault.

Travis: We know. 

Annette: He named our dog Doobie.

Johnny: Fuck yeah I did.

Summer: When did you become a suburban housewife Annie?

Annette: I don’t know but I kinda like it. I just sit around and paint and cook food. Hang out with my kids when they’re around, it’s pretty chill. 

Houda: Hm, maybe I should try that. 

Jay: Houda, we don’t got Landgraab money.

Annette: Hey, I was lazy before I was rich.

Marcus: Cassie and I both don’t work so you aren’t the laziest couple.

Johnny: Right, you’re a Goth.

Cassandra: Technically we are sworn enemies.

Johnny: Yeah, I’m just here to get intel for my mother.

[llama-head]

Transcript Under the Cut! 

Emory: Oh god, they’re all already here.

Griffin: Emory it’s fine. Just relax and breathe. 

Emory: Okay.

Annette: Em! You’re here!

Marcus: Emory dude! Took you long enough!

Paolo: Oh thank god other weirdos. I’m not the only raging queer here.

Jay: That rhymed.

Paolo: It did, what an astute observation Jay.

Jay: Fuck off Paolo.

Emory: Uh, yeah hey.

Griffin: Hi.

Emory: So this is Griffin, my boyfriend.

Paolo: Nice.

Emory: Yeah.

Marcus: You good dude?

Emory: I’m fine just awkward.

Travis: Awkward! Dude we knew you during puberty, nothing can be more awkward than that!

Emory: That’s...true.

Jay: Yeah dude, chill. We know you’re...whatever you are. 

Emory: Wait, how?

Travis: Annie posted your family photos and we didn’t think Griffin was just your roommate. It’s not the 1950s.

Emory: Heh, yeah true.

Annette: Sorry to burst your big moment Em.

Emory:  No, it’s really okay. I didn’t want it to be a big moment.

Annette: Ah.

Sofia: Speaking of big moments, you two are getting married soon. 

Johnny: Eck yeah.

Annette: Shut up Johnny, yes we are. Less than a month. 

Sofia: Ahhh! That’s so exciting!

Annette: Yeah, I’m getting pumped! 

Cassandra: Is your whole family in the party?

Annette:  Our kids are and Emory and Noel.

Johnny:  If we tried to fit our whole family it would be huge.

Annette: That’s true and most of the kids are pretty young and can’t walk.

Sofia: I always wanted to have a big wedding.

Travis: When we renew our vows we will. 

Emory: Why didn’t you the first time?

Travis: Oh, we eloped.

Sofia: Yeah, our parents pressured us to get married so we kinda said a big fuck you and did it without them.

Griffin: Damn.

Emory: Why did they- 

Travis: We got pregnant. 

Emory: Oh. You have a kid?

Travis: Kids. You really don’t use social media, huh? 

Emory: I have a Pinterest.

Travis: What are you, fifty? 

Emory: Feel like it.

Travis: That’s such a mood.

[llama-head]

Transcript Under the Cut

Marcus: Jesus Christ Paolo. 

Paolo: I’m sorry! We started doing closing shots and I got carried away.

Marcus: Do you need help getting home?

Jay: You’re staying at your mom’s right? 

Paolo: Yes, and help would be nice. I might pass out in an Uber.

Jay: I got this Marcus.

Marcus: Alrighty.

Summer: Paolo’s never been able to handle his liquor. You think he’s fine until he’s really, really not. 

Houda: Oh yeah, I’ve had my fair share of drunk Paolo. He was Jay’s best man. 

Cassandra: Oh god. I barely remember my reception so I can’t judge him for that night. I feel great tonight though. 

Houda: But will you remember tonight?

Cassandra: We’ll see in the morning!

Emory: See I didn’t get that drunk tonight, I can walk by myself. 

Griffin: That’s good.

Emory: Though my alcohol tolerance is very high. 

Griffin: I know, you drank probably double than me and I’m feeling it. 

Emory: You have such a nice side profile babe. Very sexy. 

Griffin: I was unaware a profile could be sexy. 

Emory: Will I be sitting it on it tonight? 

Griffin: Jesus Christ...of course.

Summer: I hate that I’m hearing any of this.

Travis: Do I have a sexy side profile? 

Sofia: Mmmm, you used to.

Travis: Wow, thanks. 

Sofia: I’ll still sit on it though. 

Travis: Oh, that’s good news. Is that a promise? 

Sofia: Travis...I am so drunk right now that I cannot plan our activities for when we get home. 

Travis: Yeah if we’re being real, I’m eating that leftover spaghetti and passing out. 

Sofia: Oooo I want spaghetti. 

Travis: Sofie, let’s eat spaghetti...in the bed.

Sofia: We’re being wild tonight!