#hotsingl

[bigshotspambot]

They just came out of a hot topic (custom fitted)

EVIDENSE (I SAW HIM.)

[thatladydj]

Check out music by @tyreeneal Titled "GOOD TIME" ... Available on All Digital Music Platforms https://youtu.be/kE22h_wik9Q #SouthernSoulMusic #SoulBlues #singersongwriter #musician #NealFamily #jackieNeal #KennyNeal #batonrouge #louisiannabluesbrother #hotsingle #spotify #applemusic #tidal #youtube https://www.instagram.com/p/CptlOAztQnB/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[zarla-s]

How do you decide when to use Spamtons little speech quirk and what to have him say? Your writing for him feels so natural!

Spamton’s speech pattern is surprisingly tricky! It has a lot of weird little things to it, haha. I’m glad you think I’m doing a good job though. :D Generally I try to keep in mind a few things for him...

Spamton misspells things a lot, but not always in the same way (with exceptions). He also likes substituting numbers for letters, usually in words that get caught in a spam filter to try to get around it but not always. ( [[Amazed at thi5 amazing transformation?]],  NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING AB04T! ,  SOMEONE LEFT [There] SOULS, [Lyeing Around......] ,  YOU FILLED YOUR [Inventorium] WITH [Half-Pr1ce Sallamy],  AND THE [Number on theB4ck]!,  [Unforgettable D3als] ,  [Pr3mIUm luxjerry w4tch] )

When Spamton takes over the narration or influences it, he still misspells things. (CONGRULATIONS YOU ARE THE 100th VISITOR!!! )

Spamton is bad at tenses and mixes them up a lot. This is one of the most endearing things to me for some reason, haha.  ( I'M SO [Proud] OF YOU, I COULD [Killed] YOU! ,  I HAVE [Becomed] NEO. ,  MY ESTEEM CUSTOMER, THAT GUY [Steal my look]!! OKAY, MAYBE HE [Steal]ed BACK WHAT I TOOK FROM HIM, WE WILL ALSO [Divorced] )

He messes up pluralization or grammar related to it at times. ( HOTSINGLE, 100 CUSTOMER, AN [Valuable Item])

He actually swears a fair amount but it’s usually censored. ( YOU'RE [$!$!] RIGHT! , DEALS SO GOOD I'LL [$!$$] MYSELF!,  [$!?!] THE PRESSES! )

His capitalization in his bracket words/phrases is inconsistent and he spells things wrong in them at times as well. He usually capitalizes the first word though. ( [[A LimiTed Time Only!]] , [[Designed BY The Classics]],  [[ Sucbscrube ]] ,  THEN [[WHY]] GO TO A DUMPSTER!!! , YOU'VE GOT THE [[LIGHT.]] , [ succumb to the worm ],  SO HAVE I GOT A DEAL THAT'S [sweet Sunday creme] TO ANY SELF RESPECTING [Ball Nut]! , [fluffey] ,  [Pracitce]).

His capitalization in general is kind of all over the place. ( LIGHT nER! HEY-HE Y HEY!!!,  THat'll be 1997 KROMER.,  ENL4RGE Yourself,  I USED TO be A BIG SHOT. ,  I WOn'T FORCE YOU. ,  It's still DARK... SO DARK! )

He gets the verb in sentences wrong at times or has too many/too few words in a phrase.  ( HEAR THOSE [Balloons]???,  [Cool down with a]!!!,  [Wake up and the smell the] MY DEAD CARCASS!!! ) His grammar also gets wonky, especially with the tricky homophones like your/you’re or their/there/they’re. ( YOUR A BIGSHOT!! ,  WELL LET THIS BE A [Email] ,  SHOW OFF YOU'RE [Big Shot] )

He sometimes doesn’t finish a sentence at all, or leaves a blank space. ( BUY [KeyGen] FROM ME AT [The Low Low Price Of] ,  MEANWHILE I CAN [sneak out the back] AND, [Hurry now]!!! [Blink] AND YOU'LL MISS      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ,  THAT'S WHY THEY'RE COMING TO [kill] ME RIGHT NOW. THEY'RE COMING TO ). Sometimes he just says one or two words or sentence fragments. (MONEY NO, KEYGEN) He likes repeating unfinished sentences as well, usually when he’s worked up about something. ( THE MEN INSIDE WOULD THE MEN INSIDE WOULD , I'LL GET SO. I'LL GET SO. )

He uses periods to emphasize certain parts of a sentence and sometimes he just leaves brackets or carets or other punctuation in his speech. ( YOU'RE  LIGHT neR< AREN'T YOU? , GO BACK. AND PUT. THE DISK. BACK. WHERE YOU GOT IT. ).

Sometimes he has spaces in the middle of words or in the wrong places ( DID YOU HAVE AN YMORE?,  I'M A SALESMAN   ,  ). Sometimes it’s just a mess in general ( DOESN;T IT?KID? ), and sometimes he likes to combine words ( [HonestMan] ,  [handsomeGuy] ).

My general approach to this is just to keep any typos I make while doing his dialogue lol.

He drops out of caps usually when he’s scared or thoughtful (not accounting for after his battle), and usually when he’s thinking about Mike.

A fair amount of his substitutions are vaguely threatening or allude to some kind of violence or suffering. He mentions death, dying, and screaming a lot, usually in unexpected contexts ( PRICES SO LOW, EVERYONE I KNOW IS [[Dead]]!!!,  VACATIONING IN [Burning acid] , NOW I'M THE [[It Burns! Ow! Stop! Help Me! It Burns!]] GUY! ).

Sometimes these threats are relevant warnings if you know what he’s up to ( TAKE THIS DEAL AND YOU WILL [[Die]]!! IT'S THAT GOOD!!!,  [Die Now] AND I'LL THROW IN [50] [Bullets] FOR FREE!,  THIS IS [One Purchase] YOU WILL [Regret] FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! ). There’s always a sort of “off” vibe to him that makes him feel a little dangerous.

As an aside, Spamton talks about people beating him up a lot.

He likes turning phrases about refunds into non-refunds, haha ( [No Money Back Guaranttee] ). He’ll sometimes just admit outright he’s trying to scam you ( HOW'S AN INNOCENT GUY LIKE ME SUPPOSED TO [Rip People Off] , [What's yours is mine] AND [What's yours is mine]. ).

He’s extremely excited and shouting almost all the time, so he very rarely has only one exclamation point about anything. Usually it’s three but it can go higher. Just go ham on the exclamation points lol.

[[Hyperlink blocked.]]  is a tricky one. He does use it a lot, but the context for it is hard to pin down. Usually it relates to things like souls, what it is that’s controlling him or what it wants, or how exactly he wants to escape it. Other times it’s sort of privileged or secret information that would be caught by a filter and blocked, or it’s some scammy thing or another that’d be blocked for user safety. Usually it’s something that someone wouldn’t want the player to know.

He does use sales pitch, adspeak, or internet slang substitutions a lot, ( [Friend Request Accepted] , [[Anything You See On TV!]],  [[Workout-Ready Body]],  [Luxurious Basement Apartment] , [[Pass My Savings Onto You!]] )  but not all the time! A lot of his substitutions are single words, usually on an odd tangent to the original word or just unusual in general ( [Deep Abyss] , YOUR [[Ant-sized]] [[Rapidly-shrinking]] LIFE!! , [Wacky Stacks] , [Little Nipper], LIKE MANY [buzzing] AND [burning] CREATORS,  GET OUT YOUR CYBER [skin wallets] ).

Sometimes they’re just a normal word in the sentence ( YOU GOT [Guts] KID!! , [Part] OF MY BEAUTIFUL [Heart], LOOK IN MY [Eyes] LOOK IN MY [Nose] LOOK IN MY [Mouth] ).

I tend to think about his substitutions a bit like the Orz, where a substituted word has alternate or deeper meaning than you’d think BECAUSE it was substituted. By [LIGHT], did Spamton literally mean light, or does light have another connotation to it he’s adding that’s not clear? I like thinking of the substitutions adding a potential multiple meaning layers to a word, haha. Maybe he can’t help it, or maybe that particular word is hinting at something more...

He can say full sentences without any substitutions in them, but they’re rare ( WHAT ARE THESE STRINGS!? ,  YOU'RE LEAVING!? WHAT ABOUT MY DISK!?!? , TOO MANY EXCESS VACATION DAYS?? TAKE A GOD DAMN VACATION STRAIGHT TO HELL, I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAD! MY LIFE ADVICE! , BUT KRIS, IF YOU REFUSE. THAT'S YOUR CHOICE. I CAN'T FORCE YOU.). Interestingly, they often involve him saying he can’t force Kris to do something, something he says over and over and over. He seems very preoccupied with it.

[colliholly]

My Spamton EX design, Valenton!

I’ve got to be honest, this has been sitting in my computer files since last spring and I never got around to posting him. WHOOPS... better late than never I suppose.

Not sure if I’ll do much else with him (you guys know I prefer my Spamtons vanilla and canon compliant) but it was a fun character design exercise! I really tried to capture what Spamton EX would look like in canon, taking A LOT of inspiration from Mettaton EX.

There’s a little more info on him under the cut. :)

Val is a dating game show host, who hosts “HotSingle Soulmate" in Castle Town. After being defeated by Kris and joining their team, he ended up in Castle Town with the rest of the town inhabitants. While he may not have had enough power at the end of their fight to turn into EX, he does now! (He can use magic to switch between his normal, EX and NEO form at will.) With this new form, he decided to create a dating show for Darkners which he hosts. He seems pretty happy and harmless in this form, though he still seems to have an unusual fascination with Souls... 

His personality is very similar to regular Spamton, though he’s extra silly, extra flirty and extra boisterous when in this form.

He talks to his chained heart like it’s a co-host (It can’t talk, but it seems to understand him.) Rather than a canon, his hand can transform into a bow, and he can pull arrows from a built-in quiver mechanism on his back. The angels he summons work as his production crew during filming. :)

[big-snot-1997]

An Unusual Deal

Spamton x Reader

---18+ ONLY---

1000+ words

Contains: Sneeze kink, nose kink, contagion, cold, touching noses, handkerchief, sniffling, cuddling, flirting, literal sleeping together

Additional Descriptors: Reader is a Lightner, Reader is gender neutral, Reader is not Kris, Reader gets sick, No use of (Y/N)

Synopsis: You pay Spamton to get you sick.

AO3 Link

You're sitting on a bench in Cyber City, half lost in your thoughts and watching cars go by. You've had a long and tiring day, and you're trying to figure out what to do for the remainder of the evening. Finally, you decide to go and see that handsome salesman who lives in the dump. His constant huge grin and enthusiastic personality always cheer you up.

As you enter his shop, you see that Spamton is leaning against the counter with his head in his hands. When he glances up and sees who you are, he immediately perks up.

"WELL,, IF IT ISN'T THE LIGHT nER!! HOW'S MY [[Favorite customer]]?"

"I've been better. Today kinda sucked. How's my favorite salesman?" 

"I'M [Alright Alright Alright Alright Alr] BUT I'V3 GOT A HHHhh...SNF HHH- HEH'TCHIEW!" He sneezes into a handkerchief decorated with a pattern of dollar signs and then wipes his long, red nose with it. "SNF I'VE GOT A [[Cold]]..."

You open your mouth to speak, but he continues.

"BUT [Don't worry about] ME!! I'M SORRY TO HEAR YOU'vE HAD A [$!$$] DAY. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'VE GOT A [[Specil Deal]] JUST FOR YOU [Little sponge]. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WANNA [Buy Now] AND I'LL SELL IT TO YOU FOR [[The low low price of   ]]."

A blush spreads across your face, and it takes you a moment to respond. "...anything?"

"YES!!! DO YOU WANT [Hyperlink Blocked]? DO YOU WANT [[HotSingle]]?? SNF WHAT'S YOUR [[HeartShapedObject]]'S DESIRE ??"

"I want your cold."

"WHAT?" He responds with a puzzled look on his face. "TRYING TO GET OUT OF A [Host Your Meeting Online for Free], ARE YOU??" He pauses to consider this. "ANYTHING FOR A [[Valued Customer]] LIKE YOU. 100 KR0MER," he declares before placing his used handkerchief on the counter.

You shake your head, and blush harder. "I...want to catch it straight from you."

"HUH..." He thinks for a moment and finally understands what you're after. He takes the handkerchief back and smirks. "THAT 'S GONNA COST YOU A LITTLE MORE [[Cash Money]] [Angel]. 200 KrOMER."

You nod and place a bundle of Dark Dollars on the counter. He takes it and puts it into the cash register.

"4LRIGHT. LET'S GET [Start Free Trial Now]." He puts up a sign to indicate that his shop is closed for the day and locks the door. "SO, LIGHT nER..." He begins to speak as he approaches you. "YOU KNOW I ALW4YS MAKE SURE A CUSTOMER GETS THEIR [Product] AND [[100% Satisfaction]], RIGHT??" You nod in response.

He leans in very close to you - so close that the tip of his nose is touching yours. "YOU PAID [Hard-earned] [Dinero] TO CATCH MY COLD, AND I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT HAPPENS. [Okay]??" You nod again and smile excitedly.

"EHEHEHEH..." He chuckles at your reaction. "COME WITH ME." He takes your hand and leads you to the back of his store, where he has an old, beat-up couch. "OKAY. NOW MAKE YOURSELF [Comfortable]." You get onto the tattered couch and lie on your back. Spamton climbs on top of you, and the two of you are face to face.

"SNDFF I FEEL A [Sneeze] COMING ON," he says, looking into your eyes flirtatiously as he rubs his nose with one finger. He moves his face even closer to yours and positions himself so that his nostrils are touching your nose. It's surprisingly warm to the touch. His position also draws attention to just how big his nose is compared to yours - it must be at least a foot long.

"YOU KNOW, [Angel]," he begins as he caresses the side of your face with one hand. You lean into his touch contentedly as he speaks. "I'VE BEEN SNEEZING [[All Day Estate Sale]] AND IT' S ONLY GONNA TAKE [One (1)] LITTLE SNEEZE TO GET YOU AS [[Totally Sick, Dude!]] AS I AM..."

"Mmh, I can't wait," you respond quietly. He smirks, hearing the excitement in your voice.

You feel his nostrils twitch against your nose. "HHH...SNF I'M GETTING [Closer]," he says, his voice sounding congested. You bite your lip.

"SO, YOU'RE FROM [[Heaven]]...HAVE YOU EVER HAD A [Cyber Cold] BEFORE ??" he asks.

"Can't say that I have," you answer, and he laughs softly.

"W3LL, [[Number 1 Rated Salesman1997]] IS HONORED TO GIVE YOU YOUR [Congratulations! 1st Prize]. Y0U'rE IN [4] A [Treat]." He winks at you.

"What do you mean by that...?"

"OH, YOU'LL SEE [Little Sponge], YOU'LL SEE." You feel his nostrils twitch again. "HHHH-! IT'S C-cuhh-COMING LIGHT nER. ARE HHhh- ARE YOU [Ready] ??"

"Yeah," you respond breathlessly. You place your hands on the sides of his face and tilt your head so your nostrils are against his.

"HHHhgh...hhHG'TSHOO!" he finally sneezes, directly into your nose. You inhale deeply and sigh.

"THERE YOU GO, [Angel]. SNRGF ARE YOU [[100% Satisfied]] ??"

"Mhm," you answer and give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. He smiles a bit sheepishly and blushes.

"LIGHT nER<, IT'S GETTING [[Late]]...WOULD YOU LIKE TO [Stay the night]? YOU KNOW...SO I CAN MAKE SURE YOU [Catch it]."

"That's a great idea, Spamton." You gently wrap your arms around him and close your eyes.

"I'M [Glad(TM) Garbage Bags $6.99] YOU THINK SO." He settles on top of you. "GOODNIGHT, [Angel]."

---------------------------------------------------

You wake up groggily from a dream you can barely remember. It feels like a few hours have passed since you fell asleep. You see Spamton still asleep on top of you, and it takes you a minute or so to remember what happened. It must be the middle of the night now. Another minute passes and you notice how badly your nose tickles. You don't want to sneeze and wake Spamton up, but you can't help it. "hgHHHH'Tchiew!" Immediately, you hear a familiar yet jarring voice inside your head.

"Liberty Mutual customizes your car insurance so you only pay for what you need."

"What...?" you say out loud, perplexed.

"OH, WAS THAT A SNEEZE? YOU'VE GOT MY [[Cold]] ALREADY ??" Spamton says drowsily. "I MUST BE PRETTY GOOD." He winks.

"Snff...Did an ad...just play in my head?"

"I TOLD YOU [[Cyber Colds]] WERE [Specil], DIDN'T I? WHAT DO YOU THINK ??"

"Mmm...it's different, but I could get used to it," you respond, already falling asleep again. It isn't long before Spamton drifts off as well.

[ninebaalart]

W1LD PR1ZES, HOTSINGLE, 100 CUSTOMER, AND MOST OF ALL…

[Hyperlink Blocked].

[spitdrunken]

would you ever wanna write some spamton stuff??? the sweepstakes stream reawakened something in me and I’ve been in a horny spiral since

may be a bit vanilla but I do really like the idea of turning him into a glitchy weeping mess with praise, telling him he’s such a big guy and kissing him while stroking his cock. maybe get a lil angsty idk

of course of course!! i’ve watched the sweepstakes stream multiple times myself, it’s truly an… experience <33 i love spamton sooo much!! and don’t worry about any idea being ‘too vanilla’ or whatever, it’s still fun :D!! made him mostly mechanical rather than doll-like as some other people do! because i thought that would be fun <3

Spamton is already overheating when you’re just fiddling with his pants.

He’s not panting or wheezing, instead, the loud whirring of a fan fills the room. The sides of his shirt have billowed out under the force of the air, and he’s shaking so hard you can hear his teeth clacking together. Right underneath your hand, what you’re assuming is his cock is writhing restlessly. You slowly start to speak.

“Are you… Sure you want to do this? If you’re not ready yet, that’s fine.” He shakes his head vigorously. Even as he stops moving, his nose is still moving a little until he slaps a hand down to stop it. 

“YES! YES!! YES!!! IF YOU STOPPED NOW YOU’D BE [Killing] ME! PLEASE DONT. [Hyperlink Blocked] FROM A HOTSINGLE… HAHAHAHA!” At the violent burst of laughter that has his body convulsing, you swear you can hear a jet of steam exiting his body. You’re getting worried he might explode. 

“I thought we agreed I wasn’t a ‘hotsingle’ anymore, just hot.” You speak to distract him momentarily from your touches and, for a moment, his eyes roll violently in their sockets. 

“!!!” Spamton’s gaze focuses back on you, pupils blown wide with a heart jumping up and down inside it. “DONT SWEAT THE DETAILS, T00TS! WE STILL HAVE OUR [Specil Deal], DONT WORRY!”

In the meantime, his cock has gotten so twitchy that it’s wriggled its way up the hem of his pants all on its own. With a slight tug at the fabric, it slips out and slaps against your hand with a squelch. It’s not really a dick. Rather, it’s more like a twin set of dark tentacles, extending from a slit on the lower half of his body. They’re twitching violently and leaving dark smears all over the top of your hand. 

As you wrap your hand around his tentacles, you press your mouth against his. Kissing Spamton could be described as unconventional at best, considering he has no lips to speak of. But while his teeth are cold, they’re not exactly uncomfortable. You both like the closeness, so you do it. (Though after he nearly stabbed your eye out with his nose once, he always lets you know when he wants a kiss, or lets you initiate.) 

“[%@^#]!” He curses as your hand glides effortlessly up and down his slick shafts, jacking him off at a pace that makes your wrist ache. “P PL PLEASE–”

“I won’t stop, promise. You’re doing so well,” You press a kiss to his cheek. “You’re such a big guy,” Another. “The best, and–” Another, to his mouth this time. “Looking so good for me right now.” Spamton makes an absolutely indescribable noise at your praise, his teeth grinding together with the screech of metal on metal. He throws his head back and forth, glitching uncontrollably, but you never stop moving or speaking. For your own safety though, you move your head back. Keeping him still would be impossible, and trying to force him to would only be painful for him.

Not to mention… It’s a thrill to have him completely lose control, from your hand alone. 

“I’m so glad you’re letting me make you feel good,” You lower your voice, and wonder if he can even hear you over the noises his own body is making. “I wanna do my best for you. Because that’s what you deserve, right? The best for the best. You’re such a pretty boy.” One of his tentacles curls itself around your wrist and slides up and down along, following your movements, while the other remaining in between your fingers. 

“OhhHHHHH YE SYES YES YES [Desperate]--” He cries out your name, pressing himself as close to you as he can. “CUT ME LOOSE CUT ME LOOSE MEMEME!!! [Angel]!!!” Before you have time to think about the phrasing, he cums all over your hand and makes the noise of twenty Windows error messages popping up all at once, before collapsing against you.

You rub his back, deciding that if he isn't up within a minute, you'll get something cold for him. His whole body is burning up. Against your expectations though, a jolt shoots through his body. Eyes filled with static look right past you. “...please…” His voice doesn’t sound tinny like it usually does, and there’s no other distortions either. 

Spamton slumps again, and you don’t know what to think.

[bigshot]

"MY LIF'ES [a screaming chasm of confusion] ENUOGH, I DO'NT WANT TOTALK ABOU T [[HotSingle]] TODAY!!! WHY CAN'T YUOU [People Person] EVER [Discuss finances with our] INSTEAD???"

[ocellatum-h]

spamtoing is fuckign. hilarious . i lobe uum

missig letters. delicis

mis place letters. y ou

wrong capitalation mid sentende. AND acident number. Fr3e

wrong amount. hotsingle. 100 customer.

[dakota-and-paris]

HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA

HotSINGLE!IN YOUR AREA HOT DOGSTAND FOR 90% OFF GOODS AND FURNITURE HOTSINGLE MAN CAVE FURNITURE USE CODE ZMOVES TO GET 60% OFF CAR INSURANCE ONLY AT HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA!

{huh? oh. It's spam. lol i always get a kick out of these.}

[bigshotspambot]

Posts this runs away

[the-expatriate]

* [[Click Here]] FOR [Hotsingle] IN YOUr AREA!! VERY [[BIG]]!!! * CAN FLYING!! 25 MILE;S PER GALL0N [WOW!!]!! CAN [Popcorn] AND [Seat Warmer]!! * [Destruction] YOUr [[Enemy Crab]]S WITH [Fire-Breathing]!! LIKING [Money] AND [[Petpet]]!! * AND MORE!!! * DATING NOW AND GET [Toilet Grenade] FREE!!!

"YOU HAD ME AT THE TOILET GRENADE! I am down."

[ask-smokescreen]

@unforgettable-garbage1997

CAN [Trusting] ME!! AM [[Hotsingle]] FOR R3AL. JUST NEED1NG THE [Three Wacky Numbers On The Back]!!

I do trust you, Mr. Ton! The three funny numbers... Oh! That’s 420, right?

[supertrainstationh]

Hotsingle,

plaguing me like malaria,

always forever,

wanting to chat,

in my local area.

[graveyardbastard]

the real [[Hyperlink Blocked]] is the [[HotSingle]] we found along the way

[hazmatmaid]

Get outta my inbox, thotbot.