#hot DANG did this come out tasty

[kitsunesakii]

Flower Shop.

Printer issues, Lunch date, ur here, The Stranger- pt2, Pt.3, pt.4, next part?

Sasha normally spent her off days at home. Every once in a while she’d yield to Tim’s attempts at getting her a date at some bar but she mostly just went with him since he was a movie’s worth of entertainment and kept her laughing. She wasn’t impartial to him coaxing her out of her apartment but she also appreciated the simplicity of sitting on the couch and reading a good book. This saturday hadn’t been one of those days.

Sasha had woken up and noted that she lacked any ingredients for breakfast, she was out of her usual produce options, her stash of tea was empty and she was out of cat food. She sighed and prepared for a chore day.

The morning air was brisk and the breeze cut through her core as she made her way through the farmers market. She picked out fresh tomatoes, some home grown spices, a wicked looking necklace that the seller claimed was made out of seashells and a fresh loaf of sourdough bread. After nearly dropping the bag and spilling all of the continents she managed to secure it over her shoulder and she walked to the convenience store just down the street.

There, she bought milk and eggs as well as sweetener. Sasha stared at the isles in contemplation, wishing she had just made a list, before giving up and paying for the three items. If she was quick she could at least make it home to turn on the tv and watch her favorite show.

It wasn’t long after putting away her groceries when she got a message from Jon. Something about a statement that he was following up and locations and hacking. Sasha stifled a groan as she begrudgingly agreed to meet him out on the corner of Jamesnrowe. Once met up with Jon Sasha followed him to what was supposed to be a women’s house who gave a statement about Jane Prentiss. Jon had apologized and informed her that Martin wouldn’t answer his phone and Tim had yelled at him to take the weekend. Sasha sarcastically thanked Jon for remembering she was also in his contact list.

The actual house was obviously abandoned, and when she tried to use her phone to look up information about the house all she got was decommissioned, infestation, and uninhabitable. She had the slight awareness that this might have been a trap of some sort. But nothing came out to greet them and when Jon convinced her to follow him into a slightly open window there was nothing waiting for them inside. Thankfully. If Jon had gotten her killed on a weekend she’d be very angry. It ended up being a wasted four hours and Sasha had been sure that the only way to get Jon out of the building would have been at gunpoint, but finally he relented. It wasn’t all bad, on the walk to the bus stop she managed to get a small laugh out of her boss. It was nice to see him off of his usual edge since he was out of that damned building. That institute was surely a cancer and she wasn’t all too pleased to watch it kill Jon slowly.

She got off of the bus at Baker street, a pleasant street not too far from anything and having a pleasant array of shops and scenery to keep a small crowd entertained. By now it was close to sunset and the light breeze drilled the cold air into her skin. Usually she only traveled this street in the daytime, when all the shops were open and the sunlight was kind. Even so, it held a nice atmosphere, fairy lights had been strung up in the rows of trees and a small street performer was playing gentle violin music somewhere nearby. She got in line to a food cart, something hot was sure to help her right now. Sasha watched the people walking the street. A man and a woman sat laughing, their faces illuminated by the streetlight and a cornershop promising baked goods. An old couple, well into their marriage by the way the woman held the man’s arm and walked with a gentle sway, seemed to be headed in a needless direction. Simply enjoying the sights as they came. Sasha watched as across the street a woman walked a large German Shepherd out in front of the flower shop. She stopped to light a cigarette and the dog barked at a tall fellow with long blond hair who was looking over the flowers. He was bathed in a green light coming from inside the shop and it illuminated the patterns on his coat.

Sasha blinked. Was that- she looked closer, noting the spotted scarf blowing in the breeze and the lines, shapes, and patterns in his multicolored coat. Micheal was looking at flowers. His hair stretched and curled around him, the edges blurring with the air around him, seemingly fading out and then back in. Sasha vaguely remembered him holding flowers the first time they spoke.

She glanced back at the inevitably long wait ahead and instead popped out of line and quickly crossed the street.

It only occurred to her mildly that he might not want company, and the thought caused her to slow down to a lazy walk as she approached the flower shop. The closer she got the clearer she could see the flowers he was examining. They were lilies, although she wasn’t the best at differentiating flowers but her mother had a patch of lilies in her garden when she was younger. He was tracing his thumb against the petal and she watched the flower stretch and grow to reach him. They were a brilliant orange that turned deep pink the further out they went. Some of the other petals seemed to have been tampered with as well, left amalgamated together and swimming with spots that seemed to move slightly. The flowers to the left of them had also been blurred together like a static image. Melting into each other and creating new colors Sasha was sure didn’t exist. They were gorgeous, and she found herself easily distracted by the moving patterns and colors in front of her to the point she hadn’t noticed when he moved, she noticed when he spoke though.

“Hello.” He said simply, still looking at the blooming patterns spreading over the petals.

When she turned to face him, she swore he looked sad. Like some tragedy had just played out and the only correct response was to cry.

“Hey.” She wasn’t sure what to say.

He gestured to the bundle of distorted flowers. “You see just another monster breaking yet another beautiful thing?”

Her eyes shot up at his words. Searching in his spiralling eyes for any glimmer of what laid beneath. “No.” She looked back at the flowers, a different type, she assumed daisies, had bled into the lilies, the petals turning white on the edges and spiralling inwards. “You haven’t broken anything.” To punctuate her point, Sasha carefully picked up the bundle of flowers and took them and him into the shop over to the cashier. She ignored the look of horror on the girl’s face and paid for the flowers, leading Micheal back outside before holding them out to him, daring to smile. “Just because something changes, doesn’t make it broken.”

Micheal stared at the bundle being held out to him for a moment before the slight look of surprise melted and he let out a laugh that ricocheted off of the surrounding shops. His laughter landed softly as a sigh as he took the flowers, Sasha noticing the tears in his eyes. They disappeared when she blinked.

He followed her through the chilly night air towards a hot chocolate cart.

“I do not like the cold.” Micheal said after a moment.

“Why not?”

The sadness was in his eyes again, in his smile. “It is unkind.”

“Oh?”

He nodded towards the flowers. “It takes the innocent things.”

Sasha considered the flowers he was holding. “It didn’t take those.” She smiled and he smiled back.

She ordered a cup of hot chocolate and wrapped her hands around the mug, the warmth highlighting the cold around her and causing her to shudder slightly. She wasn't nearly as well dressed for the occasion as Micheal was.

“Sasha?”

“Yes Micheal?”

“You are cold.”

“Ah,” She shrugged, “I’m alright, just a little-”

“Here.” In one fluid motion that she was sure shouldn’t be possible Micheal unwrapped his scarf and rewrapped it around her neck. Giggling to himself when it covered over her nose and using a single long finger to pull the fabric down below her chin. He tipped his head and moved the remainder of the scarf to sit over her shoulder, his eyes glazed over when he smiled, satisfied. “There.”

She moved her hands up to her neck. Feeling the soft fabric of the scarf. It didn’t look like a singular texture, more like something someone stitched together crudely, but it was as soft as cotton and warm. It reminded her of something homemade and loved. It tingled slightly against her skin, as if it was an extension of Micheal’s form. She chuckled and looked back up at him. “Thank you.”

They continued on. Sasha wasn’t entirely sure where they were going, she, wrapped snugly in a scarf that wasn’t hers and holding a hot cup of chocolate between her fingers and Micheal, wearing a symphony of colors on his coat and distorted flowers held prettily in his hands. Sasha was sure they were prettier than before. The silence buzzed loosely around them as they passed other people making their way in and out of shops. The music from the violinist echoed in her ears as they passed by. It was nice. His arm brushed against hers and it just made her smile a little wider, not missing the small giggle that echoed close and yet somewhere far away.

Eventually they made their way to the bus stop where a bus had just pulled in. Sasha watched as a few people got off. She turned to Micheal and smiled, sitting down her half empty mug.

“Here.” She carefully removed the scarf and he leaned down slightly to allow her to drape it loosely over his shoulders. “Thank you again.” She noted that his smile was no longer sad.

Micheal hummed and pulled out a singular flower from the mess and held it out to her. His words were shy as he repeated what she said earlier. “Not everything that changes is broken.”

She took the flower and spun it lightly between her index finger and thumb. “And sometimes, the innocent things outlast the cold.”

“Sometimes.” Micheal echoed, and she got onto the bus.

[oonajaeadira]

For the Love of Fic: January 2

I've been doing my best to get caught up on a verrrrrrry long reading list. I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm a super slow reader (both in having the time to read and actual reading speed), and many of my favorite writers are bananas prolific, so it's easy for me to fall behind. My lists for the immediate future will probably be in character groupings, since that helps me organize and sift.

Today you're getting these lovelies in some fic I've been loving!

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EZRA

Cross My Heart by @brandyllyn This wins for my favorite of the week. How can it not, when it is from my Secret Santa???? Brandy softens our scoundrel but keeps his dangerous edge which I really love and appreciate. This could have been your regular Gift of the Magi fic, but it goes above and beyond. Not only do these lovers do what they can to give each other the world, they get to keep their spoils too. My heart would follow his anywhere. <3

untitled by @brandyllyn So after reading Cross My Heart, I decided to catch up on the remaining Ezra fic of Brandy's I haven't read yet and I was not disappointed, not at all. If Ezra came to me for advice on how to touch a lady, I don't think I'd be able to hold myself together this well...

When They Disentwine by @brandyllyn Holy BALLS this is hot like fire. A little misunderstanding leads to some really delicious punishment--read the warnings. Do I like a little danger in my Ez? Fk yeah I do. Soft and dangerous. This serves.

Hold Fast to Dreams by @brandyllyn Here it is, friends. One of the most beautifully written, soft, wonderful Ezra stories full of books and hope and healing and it's rendered me nearly speechless. I don't know what else to say except DANG.

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MAX PHILLIPS

Bangathon: Position: Reverse Cowgirl by @prolix-yuy Oh. My gods. I did not expect the soft. And yet. Here it is. And I am clawing for it. The moment he realizes he's actually into her kind of destroyed me. And I love that they're both in the same place...fkn hells. I swoon. This's the good stuff.

Negotiations by @prolix-yuy Another treat from LJ with a softer, yearning Max. Yes, he's got more ego than he should have, but it gets a swift, satisfying kick in the ass when he comes up against you. And do you ever give him a run for his money. A lovely little twist and sweet surprise.

A Rough (Pumpkin) Patch by @blueeyesatnight Can we all acknowledge how satisfying it is to witness Max get pouty when he doesn't get his way? And then twist things around to make his own fun? He may hate hay rides and pumpkin picking, but if you're the only two in the field, there may be more fun to be had....

I Wanna Do Bad Things With You by @chronically-ghosted I too would be tempted to tell Max to feed from me while we did the do. But you know what I am? A soft girl with a weakness for a build up. So imagine my joy when I found out this was a series in progress...one bite/drink/base at a time! And there are feelings? What! This is all my monsterfkr dreams with Max come true.

Polynesian Kiss by @morallyinept Listen. He's Max. He's your boss, and he's a vampire, and you're his PA. And blood donor. And bang buddy. And you just can't make it into work because your cramps are murder. Lucky you, you've just become a dispenser for Max's favorite treat, and he is here to FEAST. I love a man who loves his meal, and goodness does he ever enjoy you. TASTY.

Blood & Tinsel by @morallyinept Read the warnings on this one, because Max has his influence on and you're not submitting to his office booty call of your own free will. But you would if he'd let you. He doesn't know that. Yet. I love how Jett writes his reaction to that little tidbit....she's got this power-hungry jackass down.

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EDDIE THE VAMPIRE

An Act of Kindness pt. 2 by @missredherring Oh my gosh, Eddie's become a rescue pup! He has nowhere to go and nobody to look after him and he was so young when he turned...he's so confused. I just wanna comfort the boy. It's a good thing Bella's here to look after the little darling. (Guest appearance by one Jack Daniels with mentions of Max Phillips and a Liam easter egg.)

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WING PIT GUY

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #3: Daniel (Wing Pit) - Distracting Kiss by @something-tofightfor Rachael's Wing Pit Guy is named Daniel and there's just something about him that's comfortable and goofy and total boyfriend material. (And he can clean a chicken wing bone in one smooth go.) You know that kissing him is gonna taste like sauce, and since he really loves his wings, you know that sauce is gonna be good. And real. And sweet. Just like this fic.

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #11: Daniel Harper (Wing Pit) - A Kiss After Pain by @something-tofightfor It's finally time for a real first date, but before that, time to meet Daniel's dog. Raider is just a dog, doing dog things and doesn't mean to slip up. But istg if anyone here hurts Raider I will burn this site to the ground. There's a really sweet kiss in here and I am all for it. But I am having trouble deciding if I love Raider or Daniel more right now...

Smutsgiving 2023: Sweet Potato Casserole / Daniel Harper (Wing Pit Pedro) by @something-tofightfor First of all, marshmallow fluff is genius. Second of all, I don't care how sticky it is. I hate sticky and I would still allow supreme level boyfriend coded Daniel to cover me in it.

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TIM ROCKFORD

Rockford & Roan Pt. 5 by @littlemisspascal There's a number of reasons why I'm freaking out about this chapter. It's dark. There's a body. Tim is mystereously cold and Roan is being warned not to be taken advantage by his less than perfect tendancies. Doubt is strewn. Our Very Good Boy Banjo is a little doggie king. And then there's the special guest star, complete with cliffhanger...and I'm in LOVE.

Morning, His Place by @words-are-fireproof A slice of life, an early morning in the kitchen with Tim before he has to leave for work. And yet, in just a short piece, there's so much detail and background given between the characters, just in the little things they say and do, the pictures on the wall, the things Tim forgets. Simple and lovely.

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #5: Tim Rockford - Jealous Kiss by @something-tofightfor Black Days Tim has a hold on me, and Rachael's given him a lot of groundedness and depth. He's not surprised by much, except when he surprises himself.

Smutsgiving 2023: Apple Pie / Tim Rockford by @something-tofightfor Another Black Days Tim, and this one has him apologizing to his lady for not being home for Thanksgiving by utilizing his desk when she comes to visit him. Yes plz.

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DIETER BRAVO

Star Boy by @ezrasbirdie I'm in love with the Star Boy and his Cool Girl so so much and this installment in the Starstruck Series was no exception. They have so much to navigate together and it can't be the easiest thing to date a movie star. But I'm willing to take the chance if he love love loved me this very much.

Misfire by @qveerthe0ry If it's something I'm fascinated and enamored of, it's a boy that comes untouched. Dunno why that's a kink of mine, maybe I just find it endearing when someone loses control. This one has no romantic or sexual connection to it though, and it's Dieter actually being embarrassed. I am not above smiling while watching that man be flustered and suffer a little.

Bravo, Dieter. by @juletheghoul If you haven't had a taste of Jules' writing (first of all, where have you been), then this is as good a place as any to start. Pretty writing, smooth Dieter, make up sex ahoy, and all the neck nibbles you can't keep your cool over....

Paint Me Like One of Your French Girls by @missredherring While there's some verbal teasing, this is a working relationship, but a good one. I mean, I don't know if I'm in the right crotchspace to let Dieter paint my naked body and be cool about it, but if I was, I would hope it would be as endearing as this.

Dress Me Up and Call Me Pretty by @morallyinept This is one of the hottest things I have ever read. Dieter is an absolute mess, his own worst enemy, and reader is an angel who gives him everything he needs--and discovers she likes it too. The LOVE. The kink. The marathon. The care. Just go. Go now and get your strap on.

Run Over By A Reindeer... by @blueeyesatnight Blue has such a good grip on Dieter and I love his perfect balance of shithead horny actor and genuinely nice horny guy. I laughed out loud at this multiple times too, because Blue's also good at Dieter's dipshit humor. This is definitely one of my favorites this season.

Smutsgiving 2023: Stuffing / Dieter Bravo by @something-tofightfor This is Dieter from Rachael's Locked Down series and I have a real soft spot for these two...and for this particular take on Dieter. He's someone who surprises you constantly, showing a disaster to the world while being actually put together underneath. Stuffing shows up in more ways than one here. As does mention of a raccoon....

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #10: Dieter Bravo - A Kiss While Baking by @something-tofightfor This one is sweet in every sense of the word. Brownies, kisses, heartfelt feelings, a peek at a possible future... I love Locked Down Dieter so much and it's nice to see him domestic and happy.

Touch Me Touch Me Touch Me by @missredherring It's subby D time! This time with a free use kink and some audio erotica built in! At first I was a little sorry for our needy boy, but man, does he get it in the end....and how.

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[cookerypokery]

Food Coma Alert: My Mouth-Watering Journey Through Japan Will Leave You Hungry for More!

Are you there, lard? It's me, Chlever.

Many things have transpired since my last post here. Marriages were marriaged. Pandemics were paninied. Clevers were reunited for a few glorious months in the bay area. And most recently, honeymoons were mooned in Japan, place of delicious foodstuffs, amusing onomatopoeia, and dear friends, best enjoyed together.

Come along with me and relish in the choicest of meal memories, in no particular order:

Konbini onigiri If heaven exists, I am 99% certain it is a Japanese convenience store. Whether it be cold beer, hot mugicha, grape gummies, crunchy savory snackies, fluffy baked goods, ice cream novelties, or a steaming bowl of oden (more on this later), you can find it all at the konbini. But the crown jewel of the konbini has to be the plentiful onigiri rice balls; so good that Brian often wondered aloud if we should "just grab a couple extra for the road", as if there weren't konbini and thus more onigiri on every corner. I always thought my favorite was the tuna mayo, but the salt flake salmon wrestled its way to top-tier status this trip. 10/10, would howmf again.

Ekiben No doubt you have heard of the incredible train system in Japan, and the bullet train shinkansen that puts American public transportation to shame. It is one of the greatest joys of traveling in Japan, and as an experience, is elevated greatly by the tasty tradition of the ekiben, or train bento. These packaged delicacies can be found at any shinkansen station, displayed such that you can inspect their contents (sushi! shumai! gyukatsu! potato salad! kabocha! pickles galore!) and select whichever combination suits your fancy. Traveling with a fellow gourmand allows for more sampling, and perhaps selection of a third ekiben to share...which is precisely what we did. These ekiben were purchased at Ueno station in Tokyo to be enjoyed on the train trip to Kusatsu Onsen, in Gunma. 10/10 get in my mouth.

Things on sticks What is it about skewering morsels that makes them so dang delicious!!! Of course there's yakitori and kushiyaki abundant at any izakaya: skewers of chicken and beef (and cartilage, livers, hearts, etc) — all tenderly roasted over a binchotan charcoal grill and infused with salty smoky savoriness. Or the classic mitarashi-dango grilled mochi dipped in a sweet soy goo. But a first for me this trip were mochiyaki senbei, which we nibbled along the streets of Kusatsu Onsen. These skewered rice crackers were crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside, both sweet and savory, containing multitudes. Things on sticks categorically I'd give a 9/10, only because we were weenies about eating a lot of cartilage.

Tenpura + Zarusoba As fans of CP will know, I have been to Japan twice before in my life, and that first trip was back in the era of mapquest and carrier pigeons. But my memory for delicious food is unfailing, so when we planned to visit Arashiyama — of bamboo forest fame — memories of slurping soba overlooking the hozugawa river came wafting from my past. Did I remember the restaurant's name? Certainly not. But through retracing steps on google maps street view, and then creeping on restaurant photos, I managed to hone in on Arashiyama Yoshimura, the exact spot where a young chlev had noshed those many years ago. So obviously we had to go back with friends Cassie and Miki in tow, and as luck would have it we sat in the same exact spot and ordered the same exact lunch set: mixed tenpura with zarusoba (cold dipping soba), with a little bowl of rice, pickles, and chirimen on the side. It was a beautiful day, and as the sunlight sparkled off the river and shone through the delicately translucent tenpura, I marveled at just how good life is. 100/10, go out of your way to eat this meal.

Kaitenzushi Did you know that conveyor belt sushi is not simply fun but it is also delicious?! Whether at a more local spot where the sushiyasan sits at the center of a sushi merry-go-round, or at a high-tech chain (like sushiro or kurasushi) where you order via tablet and your freshly prepared bites are shot directly to your table by sushi bullet train, kaitenzushi is both dinner and a show. Brian and I especially loved our meal at sushiro, where they tally up your final bill by counting the number of plates you end up with. 200/10 because that’s how many plates we ate.

Japanese breakfast Topping Brian's list of excited-to-eats, We enjoyed washoku asagohan a few times over the course of our trip. There is something just so comforting about a hot bowl of rice, pickles, and a perfectly grilled piece of fish first thing. Standout of all breakfasts was the buffet we enjoyed at our onsen hotel in Kyoto, Renka no yu onyado, which included all the above and more; entirely too much food for 8am, but dammit if we weren't going to sample as much as we could reasonably fit into our happy bellies! 10/10 duh!!!

I fear this post is getting too long so I will try and restrain myself.

Oden Some may say stinky? Plain? The food of the masses? I say delicious! Comforting! A clear stew with simmered daikon, tofu, shirataki, konyaku, carrots that I used to get at 7-11 and eat for lunch as a college student. Good friend Yoko treated us to the real deal at a wonderful obanzai restaurant in Kyoto called Shunsai Imari; kyoto home-cookin’ at it’s finest, 9.99/10 because there was no hot n spicy mustard to go with it.

501 Horai Butaman Fluffy!!! Filled with savory moist porky bits!! Served with a tiny lil packet of firey mustard!! These buns are bliss. You know it’s 10/10.

Ichigo daifuku Take the best dessert, manju mochi with anko red bean paste, and somehow make it even better by wedging a single perfect strawberry in there too. 8/10 because I managed to drop part of the strawberry in mine.

Okonomiyaki Perhaps the food I was most excited for Brian to experience, as we make "okonomiyaki" frequently at home in California. Where Dalby-style okonomiyaki are 95% veggies held together by the barest whisper of batter, Japanese okonomiyaki are dense savory pancakes stuffed with veg, meat, and noodles, with an egg cracked on top, mayo drizzle, and dancing flakes of katsuobushi. Cue homer simpson drool auughraahhhghhhghhhh. Brian says “7/10, could use more cabbage”

Tonkatsu A favorite from college days at Kansai Gaidai U, the chain Katsukura did not disappoint — slanging hot ‘n’ crispity cutlets of pork atop a mound of thinly shaved cabbage, and hot barley rice on the side. They give you as much cabbage as you want! Go wild! We certainly did! 10/10.

Matcha parfait We could not in good conscience leave without enjoying a novelty dessert, and the Rirakkuma cafe in Arashiyama did not disappoint. How delightful when things are both adorable AND delicious?! This matcha parfait had it all — alternating layers of anko bean paste, ice cream, and flaky cereal, all topped with an emoji-perfect dango 🍡 and pillowy marshmallow bear. 8/10 because that large green object was a tasteless rusk, thus a missed opportunity.

I'm sure we did other things on our trip besides eat, but what I will remember most fondly are the memories made around the table. The generosity, the laughs we shared over plates of tsukune-cheese, and tipsy debates on the many onomatopoeia for "crunchy" — from the カリカリ karikari crackle of a fried fish or chicken skin, to the パリパリ paripari crunch of a lacy gyoza, to the コリコリ korikori snap of a pickled cuke, or the サクサク sakusaku crispness of tenpura*. I crunched them all, dear reader. And I hope to crunch them again some day soon.

(*Despite the sheer volume of onomatopoeia, I recommend using them in conversation with reckless abandon, as mistakes will amuse and delight your drinking buddies.)

(PS - I asked AI to write the title for this blog post. The other options under consideration were: "Crunching Through Japan: A Deliciously Gluttonous Adventure"

"Japan: Where I Ate My Body Weight in Deliciousness and Lived to Tell the Tale"

"From Ekiben to Euphoria: A Foodie Adventure in Japan"

"Relishing the Culinary Delights of Japan: A Foodie's Journey")

[amtwst-tls]

Scary outfit Jade Personal Story Translation Part 2

Jade Scary Outfit Part 2

Would you please teach me?

Where the 2nd years all talk about the Halloween traditions back at their places.

Classroom

Jade: Would you mind teaching me about the many different ways you all celebrate Halloween?

Riddle: ...Halloween, huh.

Riddle: In my hometown, typically young children would gather in the plaza and hold a 'Fun Party.'

Jamil: Why do you sound so detached?

Riddle: That's because I've only ever attended it once. So I can't speak much about it.

Riddle: The one thing that left an impression on me was the 'Apple Bobbing.'

Floyd: Goldfish-chan, what's that...Apple....whatchamacallit? That sure sounds real tasty~

Riddle: It's a traditional game that is played in the Rose Kingdom.

Riddle: You fill a large tub with water, and some apples will be tossed in, floating on the surface, which you have to try and catch with your mouth. Of course, you can't use your hands for this.

Jade: That... certainly sounds like a game to be played on the surface.

Azul: Indeed, the moment one lets go of the apple under the sea, it would immediately try to rise to the surface.

Jade: I suppose chasing after the apple could be a game in itself.

Floyd: That actually sounds real interestin'~

Silver: However... is it even possible to catch an apple with one's mouth?

Riddle: They normally use smaller apples rather than the regular ones... but even then it can be difficult.

Jade: Children with bigger physique would have the better advantage in trying to capture the apple in their mouth.

Riddle: Certainly, one would need good jaw strength to match the size of their mouth as well.

Ruggie: In this school, Jade and Floyd definitely have the advantage here.

Ruggie: They're dang huge. With sharp teeth to boot.

Jade: Fufufu, I wonder about that. I would be too shy to open my mouth so wide with people staring at me...

Jade: And I just may not be able to catch the apple in time while bumbling around...

Floyd: I mean, how do ya even decide on who wins in this kinda game?

Riddle: According to our rules, I think the one who manages to catch an apple the quickest would be considered the winner.

Riddle: There are regions in the Land of Pyroxene that play this game as well.

Riddle: Cater said that in his hometown, the winner was decided by who got the most number of apples.

Riddle: I was never able to grasp the technique, and would end up drenched from head to toe...

Riddle: Thinking back on it now though, I suppose the result was never the important part.

Riddle: Having fun, laughing at each other as we all struggle to catch that apple... I think such joys are important.

Jade: Certainly, to be able to see Riddle-san desperately chasing after an apple with his mouth wide open would be quite amus-

Jade: -I mean, would be worth seeing, yes.

Riddle: Just what were you trying to imply...

Kalim: I get what you were trying to say Riddle! It's not about winning or losing, it's all about whether you had fun or not!

Riddle: Yes... that's right.

Kalim: It's kinda different from the Rose Kingdom, the Halloween over at our Land of Hot Sands is real fun too!

Jade: Oh? Does the Land of Hot Sands have it's own peculiar recreational activity as well?

Kalim: Nope! When you say Halloween in the Land of Hot Sands, we mean 'Feast'!

Kalim: That's because in our homeland, to spend time together as we enjoy a splendid feast is what we consider to be the most fun!

Kalim: That's why, when Halloween comes around, the tables are almost overflowing with all kinds of delicacies!

Jamil: We do this so the ghosts that come back can also eat to their heart's content.

Jamil: Sweet, salty spicy... from small appetizers to large platters, we prepare a wide variety of dishes.

Jamil: When Halloween is close, the kitchens are always on full overdrive from the meal prepping alone.

Jade: Someday I would love to feast my eyes on such a sumptuous dining table myself... Are there any staple dishes for the tradition?

Kalim: The star of the Halloween Feast... it's definitely gotta be that dish.

Kalim: What was it again? That dish we bake with vegetables and sauce...

Jamil: Who knows?

Kalim: Ah, your face tells me you know it. C'mon, it's that one! The one with potatoes, eggplants and tomatoes!!

Jade: Is it something like... a lasagna that had the pasta replaced with vegetables instead?

Kalim: Ahh that's actually pretty close to it. It's super delicious when freshly baked.

Azul: I see, it certainly sounds like a dish that would be popular with people who prefer a healthy diet.

Jade: Jamil-san, would you mind telling us the name of the dish?

Jamil: Ha... It's a local specialty called 'Moussaka.'

Kalim: Yeah that! That's the one!

Kalim: When we were younger, even if there was no banquet or feast going on, I'd still ask Jamil to cook it for me time to time!

Jamil: It was quite the mess back then... my parents, and even the other servants would always scold me, telling me that children shouldn't handle fire by themselves.

Kalim: Eh!? That happened??

Jamil: We were still in elementary school after all.

Jamil: It's not like I was already great at cooking from that age... It would've been a big problem if I accidentally set a fire.

Jamil: I can now understand why my parents and the people around me used to get angry whenever I tried.

Kalim: Oof... I'm really sorry about that.

Kalim: But the moussaka you cooked back then was also super delicious! I can still remember the taste...

Kalim: Talking about it got me hankering for it again. Jamil, you gotta make it for me soon!

Azul: I would like to request it as well. It may be a good addition to the Mostro Lounge menu....

Jamil: No.

Kalim: Aww, don't say that Jamil~

Jamil: Moussaka is a very time-consuming dish that needs a lot of ingredients to make, it even needs two kinds of sauces to be prepared for it

Jamil: I don't believe such a dish is a good fit for a cafe.

Jade: From the sounds of it, it seems to be a dish that requires an oven to bake it.

Jade: The oven back at the Lounge isn't quite big... it would be quite difficult to bake enough of it.

Azul: I'm sure there are a number of ways to increase the turnover rate if you cook it all in one big platter.

Ruggie: Octanivelle's the same as ever.

Jade: Fufu... I suppose we can have a nice, long discussion about this once I have tried Jamil's cooking myself.

Jamil: Wait, I never said that I would make it- ...sigh...

Silver: *snore*

Jamil: See, you've bored Silver to sleep while you were hyped up about making profits.

Jade: Oh my, this won't do. My apologies for derailing the conversation.

Jade: Excuse me for a moment, Silver-san, Would you please wake up?

Silver: ...ha! I apologize. You want to know the traditions of Halloween at the Valley of Thorns, was it.

Jade: Yes, if you would please.

Silver: Halloween... all I can remember is my fath- I mean, Lilia-senpai going all out on dressing up for the occasion.

Riddle: As I recall, both of you are from the same province.

Jade: I see, so even the people from the Valley of Thorns would have costumes... It seems to be a standard custom no matter where you are from on the surface.

Silver: Do merfolk not have costumes?

Jade: We do not have a habit of wearing clothes in the first place.

Jade: But it is precisely because of that fact that I find wearing the many different kind of clothes from the surface quite interesting. Silver: As a matter of fact, it is quite difficult to say that dressing up was a fun memory... I shudder even now when I recall it.

Floyd: Ehh~ Wasn't pancake devilfish-chan even smaller back then?

Silver: Oh, there is not much of a change in terms of appearance, however...

Silver: It was the one and only Halloween that I had seen Lilia-senpai in such a fearsome visage....

Jade: My, that does sound very curious indeed, since he prides himself on being quite cute, and it's hard to disagree.

Silver: Lilia-senpai's threatening demeanor when dressed up like that...

Silver: Sebek who had witnessed the horror with me was also trembling in fear...

Silver: The two of us were so afraid to fall asleep that we promised to stay up all night together.

Jade: Oh my, if I were to be exposed to such horror, I would surely let out a loud scream myself...

Floyd: Ehh~ What the heck, I wanna see that too~ We've been together since the day we were born and I haven't got 'ta see that even once!

Ruggie: So~? Did you both end up greetin' the dawn with tears?

Silver: No, I ended up falling asleep at some point.

Riddle: As I thought...

Silver: Apparently, Sebek had to hold off on going to the toilet the whole night, so the next morning he was angry at me and called me a traitor.

Ruggie: Wow~ Even Sebek had such a cute side to him huh.

Jamil: Well then Ruggie, how is Halloween over at your place?

Ruggie: Me? I don't think our Halloween over at the slums would make much of a reference for ya.

Jade: Now now, I find any and every aspect of culture on the surface to be interesting, so please do enlighten me.

Ruggie: Well, I don't mind tellin' ya, but don't go gettin' all weirded out after hearin' it...

Ruggie: "Trick or Treat" is where ya get pranked if ye don't hand out the candy yeah?

Ruggie: But back at my place, it ain't anythin' as cute as that.

Ruggie: If candy isn't handed over, you'd be marked until ye do... it's a 24 hour candy collectin' endurance event! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Wow that was long, really long, I almost died but I did it for y’all ;-; Note: Jamil and Kalim actually call the dish “Munazzara” but I believe that is another term for ‘Moussaka’ in jpn, I changed it so it’s easier to place. Part 1 Part 3

[vemuabhi]

Your Favourite

Hello everyone! 

From this day onwards, I’ll post exact 7 different stories/HC’s/Art of Sanji on the occasion of his birthday. (Aka from 26th Feb to 4th March)

I hope you support this Sanji week of mine! (a like and reblog would be amazing and Comments are always appreciated!) If you see any mistakes, please forgive me. Thankyou.

I hope you like it!

Modern Universe

Pairing : Sanji X Reader

Warnings : Noting but fluff! Happy ending!

Word Count : 1.5K

Summary : Reader is a regular at Sanji’s cafe and everyday receives a compliment or a small writing on the order. ( Aka Cup) This makes the reader so happy and slowly develops a crush on him. One day due to turn of some events, Reader asks him out. For which he becomes very happy and of course happy ending!

A/N : I was listening to BTS Black Swan (Clickable) while I wrote this. Listen to it for more feels! I assure you, you wont regret listening to it.

You sat in your usual place with the hot beverage on you table. As you continued to work on your laptop, you took small sips of your drink. But sure you weren’t totally concentrated on your work thanks to a certain blond barista. He always smiled at you whenever your eyes met, replacing the embarrassment with heart fluttering. It was just a small crush, nothing much. Well, it wasn’t like he was only nice to you. He was polite to all the customers. He always made you look forward to coming here every evening at sharp 5 was because of one thing. You again took your cup and looked at the writing on it.

“You look so cute when you smile”, you smiled looking at it. It was just a crush.

On a very stressful day, you came to this café and placed your order. The same blond, served your order. You took a sip of that drink and instantly, fell in love with the flavour. You cooled down because of the texture and the taste of the drink. It was heavenly. You drank it as your mind slowly relieved you of your negative and stressful thoughts. You smiled as you placed your empty cup down on the table.

Then you noticed, a beautiful handwriting was on the cup. It said, “Thanks for the smile”. Your eyes widened with surprise as you looked at the blond. He just served an order and then looked at you and smiled. You took your belongings and also the cup and left the café. You looked at the cup one more time and took a picture of it. This was the only nice thing happened to you all week. So it didn’t seem silly at all in that moment. Now even after becoming a regular to this place, he never once forgot to write note for you and you never missed taking the photo of the notes. It became a routine for you. Every time you opened your gallery, these photos would come into your view and would make you smile. You made sure to tell your friends Kidd and Killer about this café and its delicious drinks. They also visited the café and really liked it. That day, you saw that he wrote, “Thank you so much”, on your cup. Kidd and Killer were not always with you but they did become regulars to the café because of you.

One evening you entered the café and went to order but, the blond wasn’t there. You looked around as you scanned the place with your eyes. He wasn’t in the café. Your order was given to you. You took it and sat. You opened your laptop and started to work. Your mind didn’t allow you to work peacefully. You couldn’t finish your work properly and wasted 2 hours. You placed your things in your bag and went towards the door to leave. Just when you were about to exit, then the blond came in. He was wearing causal outfit and not the usual uniform of the café. Your eyes locked with his and he smiled at you and for the first time, he talked to you, “Oh! Are…Are you leaving?”

You of course couldn’t say that you were leaving because he wasn’t there. So you just nodded. His jaw clenched then he looked at the counter and again at you.

“Just wait for a minute please”, he rushed over to the counter and within seconds he made a different kind of drink, which you never tried in this place. He quickly scribbled on the cup and came towards you. He handed it over to you. You tried to open your purse to give him money but he placed his hand on yours and said, “Not required. Just take it as a gift. Please”. He pulled his hand back and gave you a quick bow, then went to the employees’ only room.

You left with a smile on your face. You took a sip of the drink and then you noticed that it was so unique and different. You never drank this type of drink ever in your life. This was delicious and had smooth texture. It instantly became your favourite. You then looked at the cup to see what he wrote and it was, “9am to 12pm + 7pm to 11pm”

‘Dang. He wrote his timings’, you smiled thinking that. Then your eyes widened. ‘So… is he expecting to see me during these timings? Does he know about my… crush?’ you didn’t knew what to do. Well, even if the drinks were amazing, your reason for going there every day was… him. You remembered about the work you had to do that day and rushed home. ‘Whatever… I can regret later. I’ll go at 7pm tomorrow’, you thought as you drank your drink.

Next evening you came at 7 and looked at the handsome barista. His eyes clearly twinkled as he saw your form. You went to him and said, “Yesterday, the drink you gave me, it was amazing. I guess it became my favourite now. What is it called?”. He placed his hand on the back of his neck and said, “Thank you so much, but… I didn’t give it a name yet. It’s a new drink which needs to be added to the menu. No one tried it yet, except... for you.” Your eyes widened at his words.

“That… that was a new drink you came up with and it’s not even on the menu?!”, you said as you placed your hand on your mouth. It was shocking for you. He was this talented and the new release he planned was tasted by you first. He chuckled at your reaction and nodded as his hands caught the marker.

“That was super good! I’m sure it will be a huge hit when you add it in your menu”, you said to him as he looked at you and then again onto the cup as he wrote something. He handed you the cup and you noticed that it was the new drink as yesterdays. You smiled and thanked him. You looked at the writing and it said, “Your expressions are so pure, so innocent”. It wasn’t like the daily compliments and pickup lines. It… kinds felt personal. Your cheeks turned pink. You sat at a table and started to work on your laptop with enthusiasm.

As you were working, then suddenly your eyes caught a glimpse of a very beautiful lady who entered the café. She straight went towards the counter and started to talk to the blond. She had orange hair and wore a crop top making her thin waist visible. She was gorgeous. His eyes turned into hearts as soon as he saw her. He then gave her 2 cups of drinks for which… she didn’t seem to… pay for? You didn’t knew that but… your eyes followed her till she exited the café.

‘Was she his girlfriend?’, you thought seeing the way she talked to the blond in a very familiar manner. ‘How could I, compare to her?’, you thought as you sipped your drink. It was delicious but… you didn’t feel like to drink anything now. ‘Why did I even think that I had a chance? Why did I even developed this stupid crush on a man, who was taken? Of course with his looks and behaviour he should be in a relationship by now! God… I’m so stupid’, your mind was filled with different thoughts. After a while you got up and went towards the counter. You smiled at the blond and said, “Your girlfriend is really beautiful”

His gave a confused look as you said that. “I’m sorry but… I don’t have a girlfriend”, he replied.

“Oh? But the lady who just came here, I.. I thought she was your-”

“Nope! She is just a friend”, he didn’t let you finish your sentence. You were a bit glad that he said it.

“So, you are single?”, you questioned. For which he smirked and leaned a bit on the counter. He looked into your eyes and said, “Yes. I am single. Do you want to ask me out or something?”

“Yes”, you said it without even thinking. His smirk was replaced with a shock now. Realising what you did, you thought of brushing it off but you heard, “Really? You aren’t kidding right?”, he questioned. His eyes were looking for a serious answer, so you didn’t wanna lie. ‘If he rejects, I can regret later’, you thought as you took a deep breath.

“I’m serious, I really am asking you out but, only if you want ofco-”

“YES! YES!”, he practically shouted and made everyone to look at you two. He apologised and everyone went back to what they were doing. Then you noticed him placing some cups on a tray. But… They didn’t seem to have any writings on them. Another worker came and took the plate to serve the customers.

“You didn’t write anything on those cups”

“Yeah… Its… Its actually… only you. I only write on your cup. I thought you knew”, he said making your heart beat even faster. ‘Why was he doing this to my heart? and why didn’t I noticed it before’, you thought as you both blushed.

You both kept quiet not knowing what to say after that. You decided to break the ice and asked, “I never got to know your name. What is it?”

“Its Sanji. May I know your name please”, he asked

“Its Y/N”.

“Oh that's the name of my new drink, what a coincidence”, he playfully said as you raised your eyebrow and looked at him puzzled. 

“Don't look me like that, its a joke”, he said.

After someways you got to know, that it wasn’t a joke. He literally included your favourite as “Y/N’s Favourite” in the menu and everyone loved that drink. You got yourself a drink named after you which was super tasty. You were sure it became everyone’s favourite after that day. You blushed as Kidd and Killer teased you for that. 

“Damn I’m lucky”, you said as you looked at Sanji. His cheeks turned pink as he heard you say that. You both smiled at each other.

XOXOXOXO

I hope you liked it! Please forgive me for any mistakes.

Did you like the story or the song. Tell me how you feel by giving me a Like, Comment and Reblog. Thanks for Reading!

[ryttu3k]

you seem to be one of the resident night road experts lol so i was wondering if you had a timeline for julian being the pc's sire (or adoptive sire). like what year did was the pc embraced by him, when they started working for the camarilla together, when julian left and came back, etc. it's all a bit confusing.

Okay, so best way to go about this is with the flashbacks! We have the following:

March 2001: The former Prince of Tucson punishes a Gangrel whose childe broke the masquerade (triggers when you first, well, break the Masquerade)

January 2002: Julian eats someone, the BH Courier learns about tasty, tasty vitae (triggers when they first drink from another vampire)

August 2005: Julian and the Courier discuss Gandhi in Civilisation while a random Malk tries to hide a body (triggers at first Messy Critical)

February 2006: Julian makes a torturous Alien vs Predator analogy (triggers when you first kill someone)

April 2007: Julian describes the Beast (scripted, when encountering Modian)

I'm almost positive there was one from November 1999, precisely twenty years before the game starts, but I can't seem to find it now.

Another mention of 2007 - in the Reremouse, mentions maps of the Courier and Julian's movements in 2007 when they were first doing the bottled water thing.

The game is set in November 2019, as confirmed by Kyle. The Courier has been... a courier for ten years (mention of the Honda at the start being 'your companion for ten lonely years', 'you've been making these courier runs for ten years'). Aila was also diablerised ten years ago - 'You know what was in that warehouse ten years ago', "Why don't you come inside and tell me what you did here ten years ago." The Journal section also confirms that Aila's diablerie was ten years ago: 'Aila: A powerful Daughter of Haqim. You consumed her, Blood and soul, ten years ago.' That puts both her diablerie and the Courier and Julian parting ways at 2009.

Working with Julian: no specific year given, but given the mention in the Reremouse chapter, probably 2007-8. This is the text you get playing Banu Haqim:

"This was before you had any money, before you were the right hand of a venture capitalist/scientist/sorcerer. In those first nights, the two of you shared a trailer on the Arizona-New Mexico border. And the Banu Haqim elders had work for you: they wanted to gain a foothold in the New World by allying with the Camarilla—the most influential of the Cainites' secret societies.

The elders ordered you to serve the Princes of the Camarilla, and the Princes put you to work."

and

"A hot desert wind whipped Julian's black hair around his head as he counted the gallons of water. The Camarilla gave you a job they considered necessary, even vital. Desperate migrants stumbled through this part of the desert, fleeing violence in Mexico and Central America for the promise of a better life in the States. Without water, many died. Aid groups dropped water and supplies for the migrants.

The year before, the Camarilla had infiltrated and supplanted one of those aid groups, replacing their members with…you and Julian. Your job: position the water above the scattered lairs of the Nosferatu elder, the one known only as Reremouse. The victims he claimed would give him enough blood to prevent his full awakening."

So, best I can determine: November 1999 if I’m remembering that flashback right, otherwise some time prior to early 2001, for when the Courier was Embraced. Stayed together for several years. Worked for the Camarilla some time around 2007, for at least a year. Presumably he leaves, then later returns in 2009 for Aila’s diablerie, and takes off again after. The Courier starts working as, uh, a Courier soon after.

If anyone has flashbacks from earlier (like that dang November 1999 one!), please reblog and put me out of my misery XD;;

[fiftyshadesofcorona]

Fifty Shades of Corona

A Brief Note Before You Begin

This novel is intended to be semi-satirical and "so stupid that it's funny", so please do not take it too seriously. It is meant to be savored enjoyed, sip by precious sip, like a fine wine…or something…either alone or amongst your most well-humored friends.

Epigraph

“But it is only in epic tragedies that gloom is unrelieved. In real life tragedy and comedy are so intermingled that when one is most wretched ridiculous things happen to make one laugh in spite of oneself.”

Georgette Heyer

Prelude

The forested roads of Northern Washington are eery and empty as I race back to him.

It was the last thing that I expected to happen during the global Coronavirus pandemic.

It came on fast, terrifying and all-consuming—gripping my heart and invading my mind.

I still can’t believe it…

I’ve fallen in love.

I glance over at my phone resting silently on the passenger’s side seat.

My stomach twists with grief and my knuckles go bone-white against the steering wheel.

Why hasn’t he called?!

What if—

I shake the thought away before I can finish it. If I let my mind go there it will be the end of me.

A few days ago, I didn’t even know he existed.

Now I don’t know whether I’ll ever be able to exist again without him.

I swipe at my cheeks, hot tears streaking my hand.

This is bad.

This is so so bad.

The seaside exit comes into view.

I lean forward and take a deep breath, trying to compose myself.

Nearly there.

I hope he’s okay.

I hope I can see him.

Even if it’s our last goodbye.

Tears well in my eyes.

I hope I’m not too late.

Chapter One

The Mob

“See you tomorrow, Ana! And thanks for bringing the cupcakes. They were delicious!”

I turn to wave goodbye to my coworker Jessica, who’s still busy stocking the shelves with sewing supplies. Jessica’s the only other worker here at Karen’s Krafts besides myself and our dome-haircut-wielding owner-slash-manager, Karen.

“I’m glad you liked them,” I say brightly. “They’re my grandmother’s recipe. Super easy.”

“No kidding?” she says, looking surprised. “Well tell your grandma her recipe was the bomb.”

“Will do. See you tomorrow!” I begin to clock out of the computer, but stop to add, “And good luck with the crowds. This Coronavirus stuff is crazy!”

Jessica steps back and gives me a look.

“Tell me about it! I’m running low on toilet paper, but nobody has it stocked.”

“Dang. That sucks.”

“Ch—tell me about it.”

I finish clocking out.

“Anyway,” I say, sighing. “I better get going. I have to make a run and try to pick up some…ahem…lady products…if you know what I mean.”

Jessica’s eyes get big. “Oh no, Ana. You can’t be serious!”

“Very serious. I’m all out.”

Jessica frowns. “I would give you some of mine if I had them, but I’m all out, too. Good thing it’s not my time of the month.”

My eyebrows arch up to my hairline. “Consider yourself lucky.”

“Shit, here she comes,” Jessica whispers.

When I look up, Jessica’s back at work stocking the bobbins and thread.

My manager Karen waddles up to the register and lingers over the back of my shoulder. I finish straightening up the counter, trying my best not to recoil from the hot puffs of breath hitting the back of my neck. I peek back at her dome haircut and put on my customer-service smile.

“What’s up? How did you like the cupcakes?”

I try to guess whether she has a complaint or is just bored. Those are the only two reasons I’ve ever seen Karen willingly leave her office. The unpleasant expression on her face tells me nothing, as it is a permanent feature of hers.

“Cupcakes?” she says distractedly. Glancing down, I notice she’s clutching a clipboard with something on it. Her lips move silently as she reads from whatever it is.

I clear my throat. “I brought some cupcakes this morning. German chocolate. Very tasty.”

She says nothing, so I grab my purse from under the counter. “I hoped they might cheer everybody up. You know, with the virus and all?”

“Virus?!” Her head snaps up, eyes bulging. “You have the virus?!”

“No, I made cupcakes to cheer every—“ I start to explain, but stop myself when I see the blind panic on her face. “No. I don’t have the virus.”

She relaxes and heaves a sigh of relief, which hits me square in the face.

The smell! I hold my breath and try not to make a face.

I shift my purse on my shoulder and open my mouth to tell her goodbye when she spits out, “Say, can I speak to you for a sec?”

Crap. This can’t be good.

“Sure,” I say, forcing cheer into my voice. I set my purse on the counter and wait for her to continue. She clears her throat wetly, looks down at her clipboard, then clears her throat again.

Yep, definitely bad news. I brace myself.

“Ana, we’ve decided to let you go.”

My shoulders tense, and there’s a rush of something terrible down in my stomach.

“Today is your last day,” she continues, reading robotically from her clipboard.

Is she serious? I’ve worked here for a year and a half, never been late for a single shift, and always gotten stellar performance reviews. I’m basically a model employee!

“Thank you for the work you’ve done here, and I wish you the best in your future endeavors,” she finishes.

“You’re firing me?” I ask in a small voice that surprises even me.

“Not exactly…but sort of.”

This can’t be happening. “Wh—what did I do wrong?”

“I didn’t say you did anything wrong, did I?” She looks put-out, another typical expression of hers.

My shoulders relax a little.

“Did you even listen to a word I said?” she says, shaking her head. “I said you’re being put on non-disciplinary indefinite leave.”

I cock my head, confused. “Um, I don’t think that’s what you said.”

She huffs and holds the clipboard back up.

“It’s exactly what I said. See, right here.”

She jabs a finger at the page, face reddening as she purses her lips.

Jeez. And I thought she looked unpleasant before…

She slaps the clipboard onto the counter. “Either way I’m saying it now.”

“So, I’m not fired?”

Crap. I’m so confused right now.

“No,” she huffs again. “You’re not fired. But you’re no longer scheduled for any shifts. And we’ll be taking you off the payroll.”

“Um…okay…”

That sounds a lot like being fired, but I decide not to push the subject.

Tears press at the corners of my eyes as I take a moment to process everything. Karen must notice, because she lets out another sigh and steps towards me. Her hand thumps heavily on my shoulder. “But I want you to know that it’s not you, it’s us.” She pats me once, then steps back, looking pleased with herself.

I suddenly feel like I’m going through an awkward breakup. Which I guess I am in a way.

“Wow. Um…What a surprise.” I catch myself wringing my hands so I stop. “Is it because of the virus?”

“Of course it’s because of the virus!” she shouts. “What else would it be? It’s certainly not my fault! I’ll have you know that Karen’s Krafts is extremely successful,” she gestures wildly. “Perhaps the most successful small business in all of Seattle!“

“You’re right, Karen.” I quickly say the three magic words that always calm her when she gets like this.

Sure enough, she lowers her arms and tries to composes herself.

“You probably haven’t noticed, Ana, but we’re not doing as much business as usual.”

In fact, I have noticed. The store has been totally dead for the last week and a half. But I don’t want to risk setting her off again, so I stay quiet. Luckily, she doesn’t seem to expect me to reply.

“Nothing like the grocery stores,” she says with a bitter laugh. She shakes her head and gives a shrug. “Just have to let some people go for the time being.”

“How long until I’m able to come back?”

She shrugs her shoulders again.

“No way to know. I’m only keeping Jessica because she’s my niece.”

I nod my head.

“Right, right. Makes sense.” Not really, but whatever. I’m totally against nepotism. It sucks and it’s everywhere, but there’s no getting away from it—sort of like Coronavirus.

“Of course it makes sense. That’s why I’m doing it!” Karen snaps. She snatches up her clipboard and turns to walk away. “Anyway, if things get better I’ll call you. Make sure you answer.”

“Thanks,” is all I can muster in response as she disappears into the restroom.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, everything sinks in.

I just lost my job.

During a global pandemic.

“Oh, and Ana!” Karen’s voice booms from the toilet.

I knew she’d change her mind!

“Yes?!” I call out brightly.

“Don’t forget to leave your name tag.”

My shoulders fall.

“Sure thing, Karen.” I unpin the familiar badge from my shirt and set it on the counter. It looks as small as I feel. I take a few deep breaths and turn to leave. All I want right now is to get the hell out of here and get home as soon as possible so I can relax, have a good cry, and think over what to do next.

A thought occurs to me.

What am I going to do about my rent?

Crap. I can feel the tears coming…

A second later, my sadness turns to anger, and I clench my fists.

This sucks so f-ing bad. Like, what the heck did I ever do to deserve this! Ugh!

I force myself to remain composed. This isn’t the time to break down into hysterics.

I give myself a little pep talk.

Calm down, Ana. You’re a fully grown, strong, capable young woman. You’ll get through this. All you need to do is grab hold of your big girl panties and ride them clear up the crack of your ass so hard there’s no chance in hell they’ll be going anywhere anytime soon.

Now that my spirits have been sufficiently lifted, I’m ready to take on the world. Or at the very least, my own small corner of it.

I stop in front of the exit to check my phone and notice seven missed phone calls and three missed text messages from my mother.

I roll my eyes. Of course. She’s a typical narcissistic, panicky boomer. At sixty-five years old she’s never worked a day in her life, attends church two to three times per week, and still believes in the magic of prayer. It may sound like I hate her, but I don’t. She annoys me, sure. But deep down I keep telling myself she has my best interest at heart, even if what her heart is telling her isn’t actually what’s in my best interest…if that makes any sense. With that said, whatever she has to say is certain to irritate me far beyond what I’m currently able to stand.

I decide to get it over with.

I take a deep breath and read the first text.

Mom: Ana, this is your mother. Just texting to let you know I called. I’m very worried about you with all of this virus stuff going on. Praying for you. Love Always, Your Mother.

Okay. Fairly normal so far given the circumstances. Maybe I was wrong to judge her so quickly.

I scroll down to the second text, which looks like it was sent…I squint to see—oh yes: exactly three minutes after the first one, and two minutes after the last three phone calls.

Mom: Ana, this is your mother. I’ve been praying and praying for you to call me back. I am deeply worried about you. I’ve tried calling you three more times. It’s not like you to ignore my phone calls, especially during such dark and uncertain times as these. Call me back as soon as you get this. My heart is hurting to know if my sweet little Ana is okay. Love Always, Your Mother.

A little worse this time, but not the worst I’ve seen.

I brace myself for the third text, which I know will be bad because it was sent exactly two minutes after the second text, and one minute after the last three calls.

Mom: Ana, this is your mother. I’m seriously freaking out right now. I keep having visions of you lying in a body bag, stiff as a frozen lamb chop and twice as cold. Why are you being such an obstinate, petulant child? I keep calling and calling, and still no answer. I keep praying and praying, but still no answer. Why aren’t you answering me, dear daughter? Why aren’t you answering me, dear Lord? My heart is heavy with sorrow and worry for the precious daughter I raised and nurtured by the milk of my own breasts. I’m so scared, sweet daughter. My nerves are frazzled and frayed beyond mortal repair. I feel as though I may collapse into a puddle of eternal sorrow. My heart is aching for you, my sweet dear little girl. My sweet, sweet precious daughter. Oh Lord, why have you forsaken her? Call me as soon as you get this. Love Always, Your Mother.

Okay, what the hell? I’m not even going to get started on how freaking weird that was.

I decide it might be better to wait until I get home to call her back. Something tells me the phone call won’t be quick, and I really need to get to the store to get my lady supplies, so I decide to opt for a text instead.

Ana: Calm down, Mom. I’m fine. I just got off work, and now I have to make a run to Wholesome Foods for some supplies. Please don’t worry. I’ll call you as soon as I get home. Love, Ana.

Hopefully that suffices to stave off the insanity.

My phone immediately pings with her reply.

Mom: Sounds good. Love Always, Your Mother.

Simple enough. A little odd, given the texts that came before it, but I’ll take it.

I pause and look out the front door before leaving. Beyond the window, thin sheets of rain coat the steamy sidewalks of Seattle. I notice most of the people who pass by look panicked. Ever since the Coronavirus started everyone has seemed more alert and on edge. At first I found it exciting, because they all seemed less depressed and more alive. But now it’s beginning to worry me.

I finger the small silver cross bracelet my grandmother gave me for my sixteenth birthday. It had been my great-grandmother’s before it was hers, but I never got the full story behind it. I do, however, remember her telling me it was for courage and strength, which is what I need most right now.

I take a deep breath and push through the door.

The door bell dings, and once I’m outside I breathe in the cool damp air. The rain is lighter than I expected—more of a mist really, so I decide to leave my umbrella unopened and gaze up at the silver clouds as they roil and swirl above me. There’s something wonderful about their movement, and I find myself getting lost in them.

DING! DING! DING! RIGHT SIDE!

My peaceful reverie is rudely interrupted.

DING! DING! DING! RIGHT SIDE!

Shit! Cyclists!

DING! DING! DING!…

I leap left at the last moment, barely dodging a small herd of spandex-clad cyclists thrusting through the crowd like they own the street. I brace myself against a tree to keep from falling over, when one of them—a middle-aged man-child with greying temples—looks back at me and scowls.

I put up my hand to apologize even though he’s probably the one who should be apologizing.

He turns and mutters something under his breath that sounds like “Bitch” and keeps pedaling.

I turn and bite my fingernail. What an asshole.

Crap.

I pull my fingers out of my mouth. That’s probably not the best thing I could be doing during a global viral outbreak.

I reach into my purse for some hand sanitizer and slather the cool alcohol over my fingers.

Two steps into my walk, my phone buzzes.

What now?

I check my phone. It’s Stacy, my best friend and roommate.

Stacy: Are you off work yet!?

My thumbs tap out a reply.

Ana: Just got off.

I look up from my phone. A woman who looks like she might have been sane a week ago but who is now basically a bag lady passes by me with a shopping cart full of bathroom supplies, screaming “Fuck you! Got mine!”

As she passes, I look closer at her hand and spot what appears to be a taser.

I pause and make a face. What the hell has this world come to?

My phone buzzes with another text.

Stacy: Cool. Check it. Blue fish bowls. Remember these things?

A cotton-candy-filtered photo pops up of Stacy slurping down a big blue fishbowl margarita.

I smile at Stacy’s exaggerated duck face.

Then I notice Dezzy in the background. Dezzy’s the friend Stacy brought down to Florida with her for Spring Break instead of me. She looks drunk as she flashes a peace sign with one hand and a middle finger with the other. Ugh. Dezzy can be such a… I’m not even going to say it. She’s always hated me for reasons, which is strange because I never had a problem with her. Oh well. Best to ignore it.

Ana: Looks like fun.

Stacy: ’Tis. ’Tis.

I’m tempted to tell her about being put on indefinite leave, but I don’t want to ruin her good time, so I tuck my phone away. The bad news can wait.

I pass by a homeless man trying to sell face masks on the street corner. As I pass by, I notice half of them are covered in dirt stains and are clearly used, and it’s obvious he’s been digging through the local hospital dumpster to find them.

He shoves one in my face.

“Twenty dollars!”

I move away from him. “No thanks.”

He follows me a few steps. “Ten dollars!”

I shake my head, wincing.

“Five!”

“I’m fine,” I laugh nervously. “Really.”

“Fine. One dollar. Final offer.”

“But they look like you found them in a dumpster, sir!”

“Still good. See, clean enough.” He dangles it in front of my face and turns it so I can see all the sides.

I pull out a dollar and hand it to him, but tell him he can keep the mask.

“You need a mask,” he says, and tries to put it on my face.

“Fine, I’ll take it.” I quickly grab the mask out of his hand before he’s able to touch my face with it.

“God bless!” he spits through his last remaining tusk, and turns to his next victim.

I hold the mask as far away from my body as possible, and toss it in the nearest garbage can. When I turn back to see if the homeless man saw me I catch him glaring at me.

“Sorry,” I mouth.

He scurries over to the garbage can to retrieve it.

Shit!

I run through the crowd to get away from him, and I don’t stop until I’m nearly a block away, where I pull out my phone and text Stacy.

Ana: You should see it here, Stacy. Things are getting crazy.

Stacy: Yeah, no shit. I saw the news. Seattle blows. Florida is way more fun!

Ana: I bet. How’s the silver fox hunt going?

FYI, the real reason Stacy’s down in Florida for Spring Break is to hunt for an older man to marry. And when I say old, I mean like really old. See, Stacy’s life didn’t pan out quite like she had hoped. She failed out of college during her first semester and can’t seem to hold down a job. In her mind, the next logical step is to marry into money. And since most guys with money are older, she figures the older he is the more she’s hedging her bet.

I look around at all the depressed and desperately overworked faces passing by and can’t help but wonder if maybe she’s onto something.

Stacy: Sucks so far. Nothing but poor frat guys with big muscles and orange tans. All the silver foxes are holed up in hiding from the stupid virus.

Ana: Dang. Bad timing.

Stacy: You’re telling me. It’s hard out here for a bitch!

I smile, but it doesn’t last long. Something about her comment reminds me that I’m out of a job.

Should I tell her now?

Probably.

Ana: I feel like I’m about to cry, Stacy. Karen basically just fired me.

Stacy: What!? Why would she fire you? You’re like the best employee ever?

Ana: Well, technically she put me on indefinite leave.

Stacy: What the freak is that?

Ana: It means I don’t get a paycheck for who knows how long, and I don’t know when they’ll hire me back…if ever.

Stacy: That sucks, Banana. I’m sorry. How the heck are we going to pay the rent?

Yeah, she calls me Banana. It’s a play on Ana, if you missed it. She’s clever like that.

Ana: It’s okay. I’ll be okay. I’m not sure about the rent, though.

But I’m not okay. My eyes grow hot with tears. What am I going to do for money? Where will I live if we get evicted?

Stacy: Shit. I just realized I won’t have any money left after this trip. Hopefully I can find a silver fox fast. :(

Ana: Hopefully. :(

I turn the corner and see a long line of customers waiting outside Wholesome Foods. People are crammed together, yelling and jostling for position, and for some reason it reminds me of the movie The Night of the Living Dead.

Double crap.

A heavy wave of sickness washes over me, and I feel like I might pass out.

I really don’t want to go to the store right now, so I rifle through my purse in a last ditch effort to find a tampon to hold me over until tomorrow. My fingers find a string.

Ah ha!

But wait…

I pull it out.

Crap.

Not only is it out of its wrapper, it’s covered in lint and snack crumbs and looks like it’s old enough to attend kindergarten.

I drop it back into my purse and tap out a question to Stacy.

Ana: Do tampons expire?

Stacy: No, they’re like condoms. They last forever.

Ana: Um… Are you sure?

Stacy: Totally sure.

I want to trust her, but I’m pretty sure she’s wrong. Looks like I’ll have to wait in line.

I step into line behind a mother and her five children, one of whom is screaming at the top of it’s lungs for no reason.

My phone buzzes with a new text.

Stacy: Hey bitch. How’s your depressing life?

What the?

That was out of nowhere. How many fish bowls has Stacy had so far? Jeez.

I try to figure out how to respond when another text comes in.

Stacy: I’m glad you didn’t come down here with us. It’s better for everyone.

I shake my head, confused.

Ana: Excuse me?

Stacy: Sorry, Dez took my phone.

Ana: Oh. That explains it.

Stacy: Dez was just joking.

Uh huh. Right.

The line moves forward a few steps, and when it stops the crowd lets out a collective sigh.

Stacy: We both wish you were here. You should have come with.

Ana: Somebody had to stay and look after the apartment… Besides, it’s probably not the nicest thing to be down there partying and putting so many people at risk.

Stacy: Get off your high horse Banana! You decided not to go long before the virus happened.

I can’t say she’s wrong.

Stacy begged me to go but I opted to save money and get some extra hours at work.

Oh, the irony.

But if I had decided to go on the trip, I like to think I would have cancelled as soon as I knew it would be putting people at risk. Still, there’s no use in arguing with Stacy.

Ana: I’m probably just jealous.

Stacy: As you should be. Florida is so much better than dreary depressing Seattle.

Ana: Yeah, if you like living in a giant trailer park filled with bugs, alligators, and old people.

Stacy: LoL

I laugh a little as the line moves forward a few paces.

Stacy: Seriously though. Take it easy on the old people. They’re my last ticket to freedom.

Ana: I still think you can do better for yourself, but what do I know?

Stacy: Obviously not much. Face it, I’m fucked if I can’t find a rich man to marry.

She might be right, but I refuse to agree.

Stacy: Besides, old guys are hot. I’m surprised you don’t look for one yourself, given your present circumstance.

I can’t say I’ve ever found older-older men hot. Unless of course the guy was only a little bit older. Then I’d be fine with it.

Ana: I guess I just think I have more potential than that. I’d like to earn my own living and independence some day, even if it’s hard.

There’s a brief pause where she doesn’t reply, and I wonder if I offended her.

Ana: At least that’s what I’m hoping for. Who knows if it will happen.

Stacy: You do you and I’ll do me, Banana.

I roll my eyes.

Ana: Come on, I’m sure there are plenty of decent jobs you could get that don’t require a college degree.

Stacy: Ew gross! I’d rather kill myself than work for a living. Fuck that.

I laugh. She’s right in a way. Work sucks major ass. The only times I’m ever truly unhappy are when I’m at work.

Ana: There might be some truth to what you’re saying.

Stacy: Just wait. One of these days some rich older guy is going to catch your eye. Then you’ll change your mind.

I think it over.

Ana: Okay, and say that does happen. How do you expect I’ll get him? It’s not like I have much to offer besides my youth.

Stacy: Not true. You look great, Banana.

Ana: Whatever. I know what I look like.

Stacy: You don't give yourself enough credit. You’re gorgeous. And totally smart.

Even though I know she’s just saying these things to cheer me up, I still can’t help but smile.

Ana: But seriously, how does one go about snagging a rich man?

Stacy: What you need are some good pick up lines.

Right…

I look up and see that the line has moved quite a bit from where I started. At this rate I’ll be inside in no time.

Stacy: Here’s one I’ve been practicing for my hunt… Have you ever been arrested? Because your looks are killer.

I roll my eyes.

Ana: Maybe I’ll give it a try some day.

Stacy: Do it. You won’t be disappointed.

A fight breaks out at the front of the line.

Seconds later, the two guys fighting are escorted away by a masked security guard and the line moves forward to fill the gap.

As I near the entrance, the crowd noise grows louder, and a swarm of customers break through the exit.

Crap! They’re charging right at me.

I quickly side-step out of their way and a middle-aged white woman with a dome haircut shoves past me into the store, making me do a double-take.

Phew. Not Karen.

As the woman passes by, I overhear a small portion of her phone conversation:

“I’m pretty sure I have it. I’m going to the doctor right now. I just have to stop at Wholesome Foods real quick.”

Holy crap. This place is like a war zone or something.

I enter the store close behind Karen Number 2.

Once inside, I immediately notice two things:

1. Nobody in this store seems to be wearing a mask, and…

2. All the grocery carts and baskets are gone.

I take a deep breath.

Everything’s okay, I tell myself. Just improvise and get out as fast as you can.

I hurry past the entrance and into the toiletry section.

Okay…tampons…where are the tampons?

I look down an aisle and see people lined up at the pharmacy, scrambling for asthma medication and pills. Thank goodness I’m fairly healthy and don’t need any medication. If push comes to shove, I can get by for months on my one-a-day multivitamin.

I step into the feminine hygiene aisle where a group of frustrated women are looking around frantically.

One of them says to the others, “Where are the fucking tampons!”

I look over the shelves, and they’re nearly empty.

Come on…tampons…tampons…there has to be one more pack somewhere.

I start digging through the merchandise, checking back behind the other products.

No luck.

Okay. Think, Ana. Think. What could you do?

My phone buzzes with a text.

Stacy: Where did you go?

Ana: There aren’t any tampons at the store! What am I going to do?”

Stacy: Okay. I’m calling you.

American Girl blares through my phone speakers.

I hold the phone out in front of me and right as I’m about to accept the call a scruffy-looking guy appears out of nowhere and sneezes all over the front of my screen.

I look up at him, totally grossed out.

“Sorry, dude,” he says, then disappears down the aisle.

Crap. There’s no way I’m holding this thing up to my head now.

The song keeps playing, tinny notes ringing out.

A rude woman nearby screams, “Answer your goddamn phone!”

“Sorry,” I mutter, and tap the speakerphone button, careful to avoid the spit droplets on the screen.

The first thing I and everybody within a twenty-five-foot radius hears is an obnoxious slurping sound.

Several shoppers turn and glare at me, so I hurry into a side aisle where there aren’t as many people. “Geez, Stacy. What are you drinking?” I hiss at the phone. “You sound like Lord Buttcrack with his ten gallon gas station sodas.”

Lord Buttcrack is the nickname Stacy and I have given our fat, greedy, disgusting landlord, on account of the fact that we’ve never seen him without half of his butt crack hanging out of his pants.

“Hold it right there,” Stacy says. “Don’t you dare ever compare me to Lord Buttcrack. I love you dearly, but that’s taking it too far. Besides, he sounds more like a butthole.”

I laugh at her drunken simile. “I don’t like that image. Why are you thinking about his butthole?”

“Hey, where there’s a crack, there’s always a hole.”

Um…

“As to your first question,” she continues, “I just finished my third Blue Ocean Fishbowl.”

“Holy crap! You drank three of them? Don’t they come in, like, a literal fish bowl?”

“Mm-hm. And the alcohol content is through the roof.”

“Something tells me you’re going to regret this.”

“Doubt it.”

I sigh.

“Anyway, back to my tampon problem.”

“Where did Joey go?” Dezzy’s voice cuts in.

“Who the hell is Joey?!” Stacy shouts.

“The guy with the muscles, duh,” Dezzy moans in the background.

“They all have muscles!” Stacy cries.

“Ugh…the one with the tan!”

“They all have tans!”

“Hello!?” I say loudly into the phone.

“Oh, sorry. Seriously, Dezzy is being such a bitch.”

“You’re the fucking bitch, bitch!” Dezzy laugh-screams in the background.

“Whatever…” Stacy says. “Back to the problem at hand. Can’t you just wear pads?”

“They’re out of those, too.”

A woman nearby overhears our conversation and approaches me.

“Pads? Did someone say pads? Where are the pads? I need more pads! There have to be more pads!”

Stacy starts laughing so hard she begins to choke.

The woman’s frantic energy scares the crap out of me, so I back away from her and hurry into the clothing section, which seems to be the only empty part of the store.

I duck down under some hanging dresses and tops. “Seriously, Stacy. What should I do?”

“Let me think…” Stacy muses. “Oh, I know! A while back I was watching this TV show about these female prison inmates…”

Great.

“Okay?”

“Bare with me,” she says, sensing my doubt.

“K.”

“Anyway, whenever the prison ran out of tampons, the women would just wad up a bunch of toilet paper and shove it up their pussies.”

Genius. Simply genius.

A woman with a stroller opens the clothing rack and pokes her head in. “Could you keep it down with the profanity? Children are nearby!”

“Fuck off, lady!” Stacy screams at her through the phone.

The woman scoffs and throws the clothing rack closed.

“It’s not the worst idea,” I say. “Only problem is they’re all out of toilet paper as well.”

“Hmm…

“I need more ideas.”

“You could just free bleed,” she says.

“I don’t know what that is.”

“It’s when you…”

“Actually, never mind.”

“You’re sure?”

“Totally sure.”

“Fine. Scratch that.. Let’s see…” Stacy makes a weird sucking sound with her mouth while she’s thinking.

Another customer comes by and starts sliding the shirts around me.

“What’s that annoying noise?” Stacy says.

“I’m under a rack of tank tops and someone’s looking through them.”

“Oops, sorry!” The faceless searcher says.

“It’s fine,” I say back nicely.

Stacy gasps. “I know!”

“What?”

“Why don’t you just cut up a tank top and shove it up your pussy?”

I laugh.

“Come on. That’s ghetto.”

“Yeah. But what else are you going to do?”

She’s got a point. What if this is the answer?

“But I don’t wanna!” I groan into the phone.

“I know it sucks, Banana. But it’s probably your only option.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

I crawl out from under the clothing rack and grab three spaghetti strap tank tops.

“Do you think three is enough?”

“Um…probably.”

“Okay. Good to go. Now it’s time to get the hell out of here.”

“You go girl!”

As I’m walking towards the front checkout, I spot some cotton balls out of the corner of my eye.

Hmm. These could be useful.

I snag them off the shelf.

“Hey, Stacy, do you think cotton balls…”

“WHAT!” someone screams on Stacy’s end.

A man across the aisle glares at me.

I mouth “sorry” and turn away.

“Quiet down,” I hiss. “Or I’m hanging up.”

“IS THIS ANA?!”

Shit. It’s Dezzy again.

“Dez, put Stacy back on the phone,” I whisper.

“FUCK YOU, ANA! YOU FUCKING BITCH!”

“Okay, I’m hanging up.”

“WOO! SPRING BREAK!” Dezzy screams so loud my speaker pops.

I hang up the phone and slip it into my pocket.

When I get to the front of the store, I join the back of the nearest line and take in my surroundings. All around me carts are overflowing. Off to my left, a plump woman is loading fifteen large cases of soda onto the conveyor belt, and the guy behind her has nothing but vanilla puddings and beef jerky.

He catches me staring and smiles at me. Holy hell! All his teeth are missing. I don’t even want to guess how he’s going to eat all that jerky.

“Next!” a young female voice calls from the front of the line.

I turn toward the register, but can’t seem to see the girl who said it. All I see is some sort of contraption where the register should be that looks like four broom sticks wrapped in layers of cellophane.

The dome-headed woman ahead of me huffs up to the register and hacks onto the cellophane.

Holy crap! It’s the Karen Clone from earlier!

I leave some distance between us and try not to breathe in whatever she’s hacking.

“Excuse me!” Karen Number 2 brays at the cellophane. “You forgot to ask me if I found everything I was looking for.”

The cellophane sucks in and releases with a sigh, and the disembodied voice from earlier returns. “Did you find everything you were—“

“No. I. Did. Not.” Spittle from Karen Number 2’s mouth hits the cellophane with each word. “And I need to speak to your manager. Immediately.”

The girl behind the plastic lets out another sigh. “Randy! Customer for you.”

A ruddy-faced man shuffles our way, but before he makes it to the register, Karen Number 2 marches towards to him.

“Next!” the girl behind the cellophane says, not caring if the woman loses her place in line.

I step forward to the register.

“I think some people are worse than the virus,” she says from behind the barrier.

I laugh. “No kidding.”

She sighs and the plastic wrap squeaks.

I clear my throat. “Um…What is this thing?”

“Modified spit guard. Courtesy of my dumb asshole manager.”

I laugh. “It looks pretty…um…”

“Shit?”

“Yeah, sort of,” I giggle.

“It would be better if he hadn’t triple wrapped the cellophane. Now I can’t see anything.”

“Why are most managers such bozos?” I scoff.

“Because the owners know if they were too smart they’d quit.”

I think it over. “Then why are some of the employees so smart?”

“Because it doesn’t matter if they quit.”

I laugh. It’s so true!

Then it occurs to me. “Why can’t you just wear masks and gloves?”

“Mr. Bozo thinks it will scare the customers.”

I frown at the plastic wrap.

“Wow. That’s really stupid.”

“Tell me about it,” she sighs.

My heart goes out to the girl trapped behind the cellophane. Her face is so blurred that I wouldn’t even know she was a girl if it weren’t for her voice.

“Nobody sees us and nobody cares,” she says hauntingly.

A chill runs down my spine.

I don’t know what to say, so I look down at my feet.

“Your total comes to $17.20.”

Crap, that’s expensive. I really wish they were carrying tampons.

I pull out my wallet and grab two tens.

When I look up I notice there’s a card reader, but no way to get her the cash.

“Um…all I have is cash.”

A tiny index finger appears above the cellophane, then points down. “Make it rain on this bitch.”

I fold the bills into fourths so they don’t scatter, then toss them over. “Keep the change.”

“Oh wow. Thanks,” She says. Her voice is different this time, less depressed. “Seriously, I need it.”

“No problem. Good luck.”

“Psh! Thanks,” she says with a laugh.

I laugh, too. “K, bye.”

Behind me, the ruddy-faced manager announces that the store is closing in ten minutes, and half the customers groan.

A woman in the cereal aisle screams, “This is bullshit! I need food for my kids!”

Behind me, a mob forms around the checkouts and people flood into the entrance.

Crap. Time to get out of here.

The woman from the personal care aisle who needed pads exits empty-handed in front of me and her face looks absolutely furious. When she gets outside, she turns around, pulls out the waistband of her sweatpants, reaches down between her legs, and rips out a used pad!

I gasp. Oh no!

In one swift motion, she slaps the bloody pad on the grocery store window, where it sticks like a suction cup animal.

“This is what you get for not having pads!” she screams like a banshee.

The crowd behind me groans with disgust.

What in the actual fuck?

A thick wave of nausea washes over me, and I feel like I might puke.

I search for another way out, but this is the only exit, so I step in front of the door and try not to look at the bloody pad stuck to the window. But for some reason I can’t help myself, and when I look up, the door slides open and the pad smears fresh blood across the glass before falling down onto the sidewalk.

Oh my God, WTF!

I throw up a little in my mouth, but manage to make it outside.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, the moment I step out I spot a trashy-looking mother trying to steal a mask off the face of a middle-aged man so her son can wear it.

“Come on,” she says, “he needs it more than you do!”

“Even if I wanted to give it to him, it’s a bad idea,” the poor guy says. “I could be carrying the virus!”

“Bullshit!” she screams. “Hand it over!”

She lurches for his mask and rips it loose.

Holy crap! What should I do?

A loud pop rips through the crowd, and the trashy woman falls to the ground and twitches around like she’s being electrocuted.

I turn and look down at the poor guy’s hand and see that he’s holding a taser.

“Oh my God, did you just tase her?” a woman from the crowd cries out.

“She was trying to steal my mask!” the poor guy says.

“You’re an animal!” a pregnant woman seethes as she clutches her belly protectively.

“How could you?” says someone in the crowd.

“The poor thing,” adds yet another.

The next thing I know, three white knight teenage boys are on top of the poor guy, beating him with their fists.

I cover my mouth with my hand, horrified by their savagery.

People leaving the store join in the fight, and within seconds it’s a full-on mob.

What the crap! It just keeps getting worse! I need to get out of here.

I dash for an clear spot of sidewalk near the curb, but right as I’m about to break free from the hoard, an errant body slams into me, sending me headfirst into the street. The pavement comes rushing towards my face, and at the last moment my hands shoot up just in time to stop me from landing face-first. I slide violently out into the street as my hands scrape along the asphalt, splashing puddle water into my face. The pain is immense and brings back vivid memories of the times I used to fall off my bike.

When I finally manage to look up I see that everything I just bought has been strewn out into the roaring traffic. The tank tops are stained brown and the cotton balls are soaked black.

A car honks and swerves, barely missing my head as my face is thrashed with water.

I gasp for breath as I crawl backwards towards the sidewalk.

Another car roars by, flattening everything I bought into a puddle.

Hot tears well in my eyes.

People behind me are asking each other what to do, but nobody makes a move to help me up.

Just then, a large SUV stops in front of me, and I catch sight of my reflection in the polished silver paint.

I gasp out in horror. The girl I see looking back at me looks like she just crept out of a lake.

The tinted rear passenger-side window rolls down a crack.

“Are you okay?” A dark voice says.

I squint at the tint, hoping to catch sight of the faceless man speaking to me, but all I can make out is a dark shock of hair. I push myself up from the puddle and step towards him.

“Stay back!” he says. His voice is so loud it echoes through the street, startling me.

I shuffle back two steps, look down and ring my hands.

“Sorry…”

“Don’t,” he says, then lets out a long, loud sigh. “I apologize for my tone, but I would prefer not to risk contact.”

“I totally understand. I—”

“Listen, are you okay?” he snaps, interrupting me.

A laugh escapes me. “Obviously not!”

I’m surprised by my own frankness, but something takes hold of me.

“I mean, its not like I just lost my job and won’t be able to pay my rent this month!”

Someone giggles behind me as the mysterious man in the backseat of the SUV remains silent.

“And…and… it’s not like I’m on my period right now and can’t seem to find a box of tampons or pads to save my life!”

A couple more people laugh.

I take a deep breath, about to cry as my voice grows louder.

“And it’s not like spaghetti strap tank tops were the only reasonable alternative!”

The laughter behind me stops.

“Damn!” someone shouts from the silenced crowd.

But I don’t care, and my voice only grows louder still.

“And it’s not like I had to fight through ten thousand assholes just to get that!”

I turn around and see several angry faces staring me down.

“And it’s not like you fucking animals shoved me into the street and the spaghetti strap tank tops I was supposed to shove up my pussy are now rotting at the bottom of a water-filled pothole!”

A pimple-faced teenage boy doubles over in laughter.

“Oh my God!” he says, wagging his finger at me. “She’s good.”

“Fucking animals, huh?!” a man in the crowd yells. “I’ll show you who’s a fucking animal!”

The man staggers forward, knocking into the people around him, and out of nowhere someone punches him in the face.

Oh no!

For a moment he’s dazed, but when he finally manages to regain his senses he throws a wild punch and the crowd resumes its frenzied fight.

I turn back to the window and cover my face, about to cry.

“Where do you live?” the disembodied voice in the SUV says. His tone is unexpectedly sympathetic.

What? Why is he asking me this? Why would he care where I live?

I gaze up through my tears at the window.

Should I tell him?

The thought seems crazy. He’s a complete stranger. I mean, I haven’t even seen his face.

I feel the crowd pushing at my back, and in one swift surge of motion, they shove me up against the window.

“Ow! You’re hurting me!” I cry. I try to turn around so I can say it to their faces, but the pressure is too much.

I turn and see two dazzling grey eyes staring back at me through the crack. The expression is fierce and intense, but for some reason I trust them.

“First Street,” I whimper. “I live near First Street.”

His eyes bore into mine as the crowd locks me in place.

Behind me, people begin to scream and shove each other.

The steel grey eyes look past me into the crowd and the next thing I know a folded hundred dollar bill appears next to my face.

I stare at the money, confused.

“It’s for your rent. To get by.”

What the?

I hesitate to take it.

“Take it or leave it.”

I reach forward to take it, and as I clasp the crisp paper, my finger brushes against his smooth, warm skin.

I look up into his eyes and this time they’re black. His brow furrows.

My breath hitches, and something tugs deep down in the pit of my stomach.

Behind me, a shrill woman shouts, “You got any toilet paper in there?”

The crowd moves forward, pressing me harder from behind and forcing my arm through the window.

“Son of a bitch!” the musical voice hisses from inside the cabin.

The crowd keeps pressing, and I scream out in pain.

Another voice from behind me calls out, “Hey rich boy! You gonna come bail us out!?”

The laughter is insane.

Hot breath brushes the back of my neck, giving me flashbacks of Karen standing behind me.

I look into his fierce eyes and for a moment I read an expression that looks like pity or fear, but I’m not sure which.

A gunshot rings out, and the glass on the rear driver’s side explodes into the cabin.

I scream in terror.

“Fuck!” the man says.

I can see people on the other side of the cabin leaning into the SUV.

“Ohh! It’s nice in here!” a haggard woman says, peering inside.

“Get back, you!” the man shouts.

I wish I could help him, but I’m stuck.

He leans forward and screams at the driver.

“Damnit, Calloway! They’re breathing into the cabin!”

“You hear that?” someone behind me says. “Richie Rich doesn’t want us breathing his fancy-pants air!”

“All right then,” an older man with an ugly voice screams. “Let’s give it to him! Charge!”

The crowd rushes forward, smashing me against the window.

I try to escape, but I’m locked in place.

All around me, ugly voices are screaming ugly things in ugly ways.

I suddenly feel like my spine is being crushed from behind.

“Help!” I yelp. “Somebody help me!”

“Fuck it, it’s too late now,” he says, his beautiful voice breaking through the garbled roar of the crowd.

The tinted window zips down and a pair of large hands cup my waist.

“What are you doing?” I say, startled by his strength.

“Watch your head,” he whispers against my ear, dizzying my senses.

The world around me spins, and for a moment everything is a blur. The next thing I know, I’m laying on my back looking up at the ceiling. All around me voices are growing in number, and I instinctively curl into the fetal position, nuzzling my face into his chest and inhaling his clean scent as his strong protective arms pull me closer to him.

Despite all the commotion around me, for the first time in forever, I feel safe.

The vehicle begins to rock back and forth from the thrashings of the human horde.

“Damnit, Calloway. They’re trying to tip us!”

“Can I run them over, sir?”

“I believe that would be unwise,” the man replies with a hint of humor.

The driver rubs his hand back and forth over his buzz cut. “Right, sorry.”

A loud noise startles me, and my hands shoot up to protect my face, smearing mud across the front of his suit.

Oh no!

I look up to apologize, and for the first time I see his face.

Oh my freaking God!

Chapter Two

Dark Knight

His face is perfect.

The symmetry is flawless. The bone structure is divine. His cheek bones are so strong and pronounced, it wouldn’t surprise me if he once was, or still is, a runway model. A thick shock of hair hangs over his right eye in a way that’s pleasantly distracting. If I were to guess his age I’d say he couldn’t be any older than 25, although his expression and mannerisms are more like those of a man twice his age.

His grey eyes narrow at me, and my heart leaps in response.

I try to look away, but my eyes are locked on his.

His pupils dilate, eclipsing the grey, and all at once I feel lightheaded.

Holy crap. What’s happening to me? I feel like I might faint.

His face softens, his eyes blinking gently, and I can’t help but notice his lashes are long for a man’s.

I should really look away, but for some reason I can’t. It’s as though I’m tethered to his gaze by some mysterious force.

In one smooth motion he turns towards the driver.

“Step on it. But don’t hurt them.”

The vehicle lurches forward, and outside the window, the crowd rushes by in a blur.

For the first time I notice beautiful classical music playing from the car’s speakers, a refreshing contrast to the the howling wind and chaotic street noise.

“Mahler,” I whisper.

It comes out unintentionally, and I’m suddenly overcome with embarrassment.

He turns back to me and eyes me with a look of surprise. “You know the composer?”

My heart skips a beat as I stare into his eyes. I want to say yes, but all I can do is nod.

He scowls and turns to the driver. “Turn off the music. It’s mixing with the street noise and giving me a headache.”

The driver nods. “Yes, sir.”

What the? Why why would he do that? Is he mad at me or something?

The music stops, and all that’s left is the howling wind as the world flies by outside the window.

He lifts me up off his lap and places me in a nearby seat. “Can you buckle yourself in?”

My mouth opens to respond, but he’s already reaching across my lap. “Very well,” he says, taking control as he begins to buckle me in. His arms feel good pressed against me, warm and reassuring, and I like the smell of his hair, but something about the aggressiveness of his gesture puts me off.

“I can do it,” I say, but he ignores me.

I bite my lip, unsure of what to do, and look down at his hands. The first thing I notice are his platinum cuff links. The design is simple, but the pieces look intricately crafted and expensive. My eyes wander to his long, tapered fingers as he buckles me in and smoothes the belt up over my chest, careful to remain decent.

Once finished, he sits back in his seat, and I’m finally able to take in the rest of him.

His body is long, lean, and muscular, and his proportions are refined. Besides the mess I’ve made of his suit, everything about his attire is crisp and clean. He’s wearing a well-fitted dark navy suit and slacks, a starched white undershirt, and an intricately patterned silver tie. The outfit looks expensive and custom tailored.

I look down at the used shirt I picked up the other day at the thrift store for a dollar fifty-five, and notice that mud is dripping down through my legs onto the soft leather car seat. I fidget nervously at the sight, and the puddle under me makes a squishy sound.

His eyes dart in my direction.

I lean back a little, revealing the puddle. “Sorry, I’m all wet.”

He purses his lips. “Don’t tell me that’s piss.”

What!? My face flushes with embarrassment. “No! It’s not, it’s just… I’m so sorry,” I mutter, trying to contain the drips.

He sighs and leans forward, flipping open the center console.

I flinch.

He stops and looks at me. “Calm down.”

I nod and exhale, trying to relax.

He pushes a black button and a crystal champagne set raises up from inside the console.

Scowling, he grabs a black silk champagne towel, unfurls it with a flourish, and hands it to me.

“Here.”

When I grab it, his fingers graze mine, and something electric passes between us.

Whoa.

That was crazy. Did he feel it, too?

He leans back in his seat and clears his throat, clearly affected.

He did!

A smile tugs at my lips.

He narrows his eyes at me. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” I say, flattening my expression as I dab up my mess. “Ahem…so, where are we going?”

“To your apartment.”

What? A pang of fear courses through me. “How do you know where I live?”

He gives me a strange look. “You told me back in the street. You don’t remember?”

I think back, replaying the awful sequence of events.

“Oh yeah.” I say, shaking my head. “How could I have forgotten? I must have hit my head.”

“Your head is fine. I saw everything.”

He saw the everything?

You’ve got to be kidding me. Face in the mud and ass in the air is not my idea of a great first impression. I can only imagine what he must think of me.

I lower my head in shame, and my hair falls down around my face. When I peek back up through the strands, I see that he’s turned away from me, staring out the window. He looks poised, legs finely crossed, fingers clasped—cool, aloof.

For a moment I wonder if I’m dreaming. There’s no way this could be real. He looks like a movie star or a model in a fashion magazine. What am I doing here with him?

He turns to look at me, and I quickly look away.

Crap. Don’t look again.

But I do, and this time he’s looking at me like he’s in pain.

I look away again.

I should really stop staring at him. This is something Stacy would do. Not me. What’s wrong with me?

A moment later, I can’t help myself and I look up yet again.

Shit. He’s still staring at me.

Okay. At least I’m not the only one staring.

His eyes crinkle in the corners, like he’s laughing at me, his fine mouth twisting into a ghost of a smile.

I look away again.

Crap. He thinks I’m an idiot. What should I do? Should I say something? This is so awkward.

When I peek at him again, I notice he’s clenching his slacks up near his knee. He looks angry. What if he blames me for what happened with the crowd? Maybe I should apologize?

“I’m sorry about what happened,” I say. “I didn’t know—“

He holds up his hand, silencing me.

I turn back and catch my reflection in the window.

Limp, soggy hair.

Mud-flecked face…

Could I look more pathetic?

Hot tears begin to form behind my eyes.

He makes a sudden movement, drawing my attention, and I notice a thin line of blood trailing down along his wrist.

I gasp. “You’re bleeding.”

He stops, turns his hand over. “Shit.”

I lean forward. “Here, let me—“

He pulls away. “I’ve got it.”

I look around for something to stop the bleeding.

He holds up the bottom of his suit coat and sighs through his nose, his mouth twisted with frustration.

I unbuckle my seatbelt.

“What are you doing?”

“Here,” I say, unbuttoning my baby blue cardigan.

“No,” he says, eyes closed, shaking his head. A small smile plays on his lips.

I stop. His smile does something to me I can’t explain, and I have the sudden inexplicable urge to kiss the corner of his mouth. What!? Where did that thought come from?

He smirks at me, like he knows what I’m thinking.

“You really need to calm down,” he says. “Get back in your seat and buckle up.”

I do as he says.

“It must have been from the window,” he says, referring to his bloody wrist. His voice is flat. “I was trying to minimize contact until you showed up.”

Crap. For a moment I almost forgot about the Coronavirus.

Guilt grips me.

What if he has a precondition?

What if he has a family?

“I’m so sorry.”

“You should be.” His expression is serious. “You summoned them to me.”

What?!

“I did not!”

“Did you declare yourself their leader, or were you elected?” he says, his lips suddenly curled with amusement.

I shake my head, confused. “I had absolutely nothing at all to do with them!”

He smiles. “Then why were they all so glad to see you?”

Ah, I get it. He must be joking.

I smile inwardly and decide to play along. “The truth is they were charmed by your carriage.”

His face brightens at my recognition, and he lets out a long sigh. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean what I just said.” He strokes the bottom of his lip with his index finger. “It’s obviously not your fault. It’s the fault of those in charge who allowed the panic to spread.”

I look down at my hands, unsure of what to say.

“Besides,” he says. His voice is suddenly wry with mock-humor. “There are so many ways to die. Coronavirus is just one of them. Something’s bound to get you sooner or later.”

I peek up at him through my lashes. Why does he look sad?

I want to tell him it will be alright, but the thought sounds stupid in my head.

He sighs and shrugs off his jacket to use for his hand.

I sit up.

“Y-y-you can use my sweater,” I say, stuttering for some reason as I gape wide-eyed at the jacket that I’m positive is worth more than my entire wardrobe combined.

“It’s quite alright,” he says, ignoring me.

“No,” I say, gaining his attention. “That jacket’s too thick.”

He stops and examines the jacket, turning it over in his hands.

“Seriously, it’s no big deal,” I say. “It’s the least I could do.”

“It won’t be needed,” he says, tossing the jacket into a heap on the floor.

I shake my head, confused. “Then what will you use?”

His eyes lock on mine as he loosens his patterned silk tie.

Holy hell. He’s getting undressed!

He tosses the tie onto the floor and begins unbuttoning his dress shirt.

My breath hitches as I struggle to avert my gaze.

He shrugs off the shirt, and I barely contain a gasp as his chiseled abs flex under the soft interior dome lighting. The entire time, his eyes never leave mine.

Something tugs at the base of my stomach as I shift in my seat.

He bites down on the dress shirt fabric and tears it into a long thin strip. How does he make it look so easy?

“I can help,” I say, leaning towards him, entranced.

“I’ll manage just fine,” he says through gritted teeth as he finishes two more strips.

He takes three strips and wraps them around his wrist. When he’s finished he holds up his wrist, examining his handiwork. “What do you think?”

I’m so overwhelmed all I can do is nod.

“Good enough,” he says like he’s glad to be done with it.

I spot the tie at his feet and a thought occurs to me.

“You could have just used your tie.”

“Too late,” he says without hesitation.

He reaches down, grabs the tie, then lays it next to him on the seat.

I look away. For some reason I can’t stop smiling. What’s going on with me?

He signals the driver. “I’ll need a new dress shirt before my speech.”

The driver nods. “Ten four.”

He settles back into his seat and begins fingering the shirt-strip bandage.

I clear my throat. “What kind of speech are you giving?”

His brow furrows. “You don’t have to talk like that.”

My brow pinches. “Like what?”

“Like this is an interview.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re up-ending your sentences in an effort to please me.”

I look away, unsure of how to respond.

“I’m sorry. I’m under a lot of pressure right now.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” he says, his tone serious.

“Okay.”

His brow arches, assessing me. “I’m Elon, by the way. Elon Carlisle.”

Elon Carlisle.

I roll it around in my mind, savoring the sound of it. The name suits him surprisingly well.

“What’s your name?” he says.

“Nana.”

Crap! What’s wrong with me!? …Nana?!

“Nana?” His brow knits in confusion. “As in, my nana’s just died from Coronavirus?”

“N-no. It’s Ana. Just Ana.”

“Ana?”

I nod. “Ana.”

He leans back, hands behind his head, and repeats my name. “Ana.”

I love the way my name plays on his lips.

His eyes dart back down at me. “You’re sure?” His face lights up with humor, and somehow it’s even more beautiful than before.

I blush and nod into my chest.

“So…Ana. What do you think of all this?”

My eyes once again take in the luxurious surroundings. “The car?”

He makes a face. “No…the virus.”

Duh. What’s wrong with you, Ana? Get it together.

I search for the right word, but all that comes to mind is, “It’s terrible.”

“Indeed,” he says, biting the back of his knuckle.

An awkward moment passes between us, and the tension gets the better of me. “I noticed none of the employees at Wholesome Foods were wearing masks.”

“Yes, I’ve read all about that. Most businesses seem to think it will scare the customers.”

“That’s so stupid,” I say, a little too loud.

He looks up at me and tilts his head.

I shake my head with frustration. “I mean, if we’re going to flatten the curve, we can’t be doing stupid stuff like that. It’s not up to businesses to choose who lives and dies.”

He stops biting his knuckle and stares at me thoughtfully. Why is he looking at me like that?

“I was just on my way to give a speech along the same lines,” he says calmly.

“Oh,” I say. “What for?”

“It’s for a charity banquet. Very tedious.”

“So, what are you? Some kind of politician or something?“

“I’m a CEO. I own fifteen companies on three separate continents, and I employ over five million people.”

Holy crap.

“Wow, very important,” I say, trying to sound unimpressed.

“Indeed.”

Cocky much?

The air in the car suddenly seems too heavy, so I try to lighten the mood. “Well at least the workers of the world will finally get a vacation.”

He eyes me tactfully.

“If you consider the most devastating economic collapse since World War II a vacation, then yes, they will most certainly get their vacation.” So much for lightening the mood. I look down at my lap as he continues. “I believe there is dignity and honor in work, regardless of what one contributes. This pandemic is nothing short of a disaster for everyone involved, including the workers of the world.”

I snort. “Easy for you to say.”

He glares at me.

“Why is that?”

“Because you’re the one getting the lion’s share.”

He scoffs.

“What?” I say. “It’s the truth”

“Somewhat,” he says, leaning forward. “To be more exact, I control the lion’s share. Most of my value is tied up in my companies. If I didn't own at least fifty percent of each company I would cease to be the one in control.”

“So why not give it up?”

“Because without my control they would fail.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

His eyes bore into mine and I look away, a little frightened by his intensity.

“So, you’re doing it for charity?”

He laughs. “I wouldn’t say that exactly.”

“But that’s what you just said. You said the companies would fail without you. But still, you could sell them off anytime, so why don’t you? Sounds like charity to me.”

He thinks it over. “Because it’s not rational to allow that many people to suffer when I have the power to stop it from happening.”

I can’t help but smile.

“What? What is it?”

“Nothing.”

He leans forward. “Tell me.”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t think you’re being rational.”

“Then what am I being?”

“Emotional.”

He shakes his head.

“I never make decisions based on emotion. I prefer to be able to anticipate every outcome.”

“As if that’s even possible.”

“Maybe not,” he says. “Still, I believe caution and prevention are the foundations of rational judgement.”

“Who did you steal that line from? Dale Carnegie?”

His eyes soften with humor. “You know more than you let on.”

I fold my arms. “Yeah, and you care more than you let on.”

He shakes his head and looks down. “I gave up caring a long time ago.”

I stop and stare at him. His response is more personal than I expected.

“What about you?” he says.

“Me?”

“Yes. Tell me about yourself.”

Crap. What the heck am I supposed to say?

“Um…I don’t know. Let me think.”

“Think away.”

“Well, for starters, I lost my job today.” Heat spreads across my face as I recall my outburst in front of the crowd. “But I guess I already told you that earlier.”

I search his face for signs that he’s about to mock me for the embarrassing scene I made, but I find none. Only mild curiosity lingers in his eyes.

“Where did you work?” he says cooly.

“Karen’s Krafts, down on Main Street.”

“I think I’ve seen it.”

“They put me on indefinite leave.” I make air quotes around ‘indefinite leave’.

He nods his head. “They must be struggling.”

“They are.”

“So, what did you do there?”

Why does he want to know all this? There’s no way it’s boring him less than it’s boring me.

“Hmm…” I say, trying to think of something interesting. “I mostly just stood behind the front desk waiting for customers to pay.” I shrug. “Sometimes I’d help stock the shelves.”

Ugh. It sounds so lame now that I’ve said it out loud.

“That’s it?” He says, narrowing his eyes at me.

“Um… sort of. I mean, I was a cashier.” I sift through my memory for something else to say. “But sometimes I would clean the toilets, too.”

His lips curl into an amused smile. “That sounds very…interesting.”

Crap. He definitely thinks I’m an idiot. Why did I say that? I blush and lower my head. “It was a job, I guess.”

“Well, from what you just told me I wouldn’t be too upset about losing it.”

My face flushes with anger. “It may not sound like much to you, but it was all I had.”

He gives me a surprised look. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant I think you can do better.” He pauses to rub his index finger across his lower lip. “I’m sorry. I know how hard it is out there right now.”

“How do you know?”

“That it’s hard?”

“That I can do better.”

He shrugs. “It was just a guess.”

“Based on what?”

“What I’ve seen so far.”

“I thought this wasn’t an interview.”

“It’s not.” His voice is hard.

I cross my legs and fold my arms over my chest. “Whatever.”

I don’t know why I’m acting like this, but something about this man has gotten under my skin.

“We’ll be nearing your place soon, Ana,” he says. There’s an edge to his voice again. “What’s the building?”

“Broadway Building, Elon,” I say, echoing his tone. “But you can drop me off here if you’re eager to get rid of me.”

His brow turns into a hard V and I’m tempted to poke my tongue out at him. What’s gotten into me?

The landscape around us darkens. “This is a bad part of town,” he says flatly.

I nod against the window. “I always know I’m getting close to home because I begin to feel anxious.”

“I know the owner-slash-landlord,” he says. “Or, I suppose the more proper term would be slum lord.”

I laugh despite myself.

“Totally.”

“Totally?”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”

His face lights up a little as his eyes narrow in thought. “For some reason all I can remember of him was his ass crack.”

I burst out laughing so hard I almost pee my pants.

He smiles at me.

“I can’t believe you just said that,” I choke out. “My roommate and I christened him Lord Buttcrack once we learned he was a piece of shit.”

He laughs out loud for the first time, and the melodious sound fills my chest.

The driver looks back at us and smiles.

When our laughter finally dies down, I look up and catch him staring at me with a far off look.

I look myself over and check my face in the glass. “What’s the matter? Is there something on my face?”

“No, it’s just…” he says, considering whether or not to continue.

“What?” I say, anxious for his answer.

“You remind me so much of someone I once knew.”

Oh really?

“Who?”

He turns away from me, suddenly serious.

“Never mind. Forget I said it.”

The mood in the car darkens.

“Will you be fine if I drop you off here?” he says. The edge in his voice has returned.

I look around. I usually avoid walking in this part of town if I can. I glance back at Elon but he’s still turned away, as if I’m already gone.

“Here’s fine.”

He commands the driver to stop.

“You’re sure?” the driver says, looking back at us.

Elon nods, his face twisted in what I can only assume is disgust.

I open the door and right as I’m about to step out, a beer bottle crashes against the nearby pavement.

What the?!

I slink back into the car as a middle-aged drunk woman takes a swing at a scruffy-looking old man.

“You motherfucker!” The woman roars. “How you gonna pay the rent! How we gonna eat!”

Elon reaches across me and slams the door shut.

“Drive!”

The SUV lurches forward.

I peer over and see him pinching his brow with his fingers. “That was a close one,” I say, forcing a lightness into my tone.

“Too close,” he whispers, not looking up.

A distance seems to have formed between us that I don’t understand.

I sift through my mind for something to say.

“I’m really sorry for everything. The mob, your clothes…exposing you to the virus. It’s all my fault.”

“As I said before, it’s not your fault. People are stupid, dangerous, panicky animals.”

I stare at him, taken back by his harsh judgement.

The vehicle comes to a stop in front of my apartment and I notice a homeless man is trying to defecate on the sidewalk.

“Gross,” I whisper, turning away.

“How long have you lived here?” He says, his face contorted in disgust.

Something comes over me, a medley of shame and anger, and all at once I have the overwhelming urge to leave the vehicle.

I try to open the door, but it’s locked.

He shakes his head at the driver, and grabs my elbow to stop me. His hand feels good against my skin, but my emotions take hold and I shrug it off.

He sighs and leans back in his seat. “You’re sure you want to go?”

What’s he getting at? A minute ago he was asking me to leave.

“I’m sure. Now can you please unlock this door?”

Once again, he shakes his head at the driver.

What’s he doing?

He pulls out a platinum business card holder, flips it open, removes a card, then flips it back shut. He offers the card to me. “In case you need me for anything.”

I shake my head. “You’ve already helped more than enough. Thank you for the ride and the money… I really mean it, thank you.”

He narrows his eyes.

The driver opens my door, taking me by surprise. “Ma’am.”

I look up and thank him, then clamber out of the car with as much grace as I can scrap together.

“Oh! I almost forgot my p—“

I spin around and see my purse dangling from Elon’s outstretched hand.

“Thanks,” I say, shifting the strap onto my shoulder.

“You’re welcome.”

Something like a grin tugs at the corner of his mouth.

What’s that all about?

Before I can say anything, the driver gently shuts the door. “Would you like me to escort you to your door?” His face is serious, but genial.

“No. But thank you, um… I seem to have forgotten your name.”

“Calloway, ma’am.”

“Oh yes. Now I remember. Thank you, Calloway.”

“No problem-o.”

I turn on my heel and hop over the pile of excrement the homeless man left on the sidewalk.

“Watch your step!” Calloway says, laughing a little. “I’d kick it out of your way, but it’s still fresh.”

“I’m fine,” I say as I hop up the steps to the front door of my building, totally grossed out.

Good God. How humiliating.

As I’m about to put my key in the slot, I hear Elon’s voice behind me.

“Ana!” I turn around and see his beautiful face framed in the window. “Be safe,” he says.

“You too.” I take a breath. “…Elon.”

The moment lingers as we stare into each other’s eyes, and I can swear something passes between us again. I can’t explain why, but I feel an inexplicable urge to run back to the car. Does he feel it, too?

He turns his head forward as the tint seals shut.

And then, just like that, the car pulls away.

A Final Note from the Author

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story! I hope you’ve enjoyed it so far! If you would like to read the rest of Part 1 through to Chapter 14, the story is currently available on Amazon under the title ‘Fifty Shades of Corona’ by N.O. Shame. However, if you are willing to wait, I’ll be posting a new chapter every week!

Much Love,

N.O. Shame

[amusement-spark]

Busch Gardens Tampa part 5: miscellaneous!

On my most recent visit to BG, I did not ride any rides. I just used the opportunity to enjoy the Florida air, and experience a lot of what BG has to offer besides thrills. I will make a separate post about all the animals. This post will be dedicated to all the random other stuff that doesn't fit neatly another category, as well as some other thoughts I had on this recent trip.

Currently Busch Gardens has three performances throughout the day. I have only had the chance to experience one, Cirque Electric. This dance/stunt show is in the Stanleyville theater over by Tigris and runs every couple hours starting at 3.

The first thing I noticed about the show was it's unique aesthetic. The stage is decorated with gears and other items to build a fun neon steampunk look to the show. The costumes also carry this feel, somewhere between burlesque and Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Be aware, there is use of intense lighting effects as well as smoke machines. All the technical aspects of the show, lighting, costuming, sound, etc, are really fun. Arguably it doesn't go with the aesthetic of the park itself, but works as a change of pace from the sometimes generic ruins and buildings of the rest of the park.

The performance itself is a series of circus type stunt acts with dances in between as the transitions. The dances were quick routines, never more than 1 or 2 minutes, but nevertheless had unique costumes for each one, as well as the occasional extra showpiece. The dancers kept the energy going while the stunt performers were setting up for their next thing. You have roller skating, intense balancing, some chair based acrobatics, and a couple other surprises. Sometimes it felt like a mid-tier circus, other times I felt like I was at a particularly nice Ren faire. The final stunt act in particular. Anyone who has been to the Bay Area Ren Fair will likely know what I mean. The performers themselves were all great at managing the crowd and getting well earned applause. It really felt like they were having a lot of fun, even though a couple of the stunts felt just a tad under rehearsed. Possibly part of the showmanship. Still, Cirque Electric is a lot of fun, and a great excuse to get out of the sun for half an hour. If you're wandering Busch Gardens after lunch and need time to digest before your next thrill, check them out. Cirque Electric gets 4/5.

One major aspect of the park that I had not experienced until this most recent trip is the train ride, the Serengeti Express. Currently they only have two of the four train stations open, and since the Skyride is closed, the train is your only way to get around the park while resting your feet. Quick tip, pay attention to the signs that tell you when the next train is arriving. It can hold quite a few passengers, so you don't need to worry about getting there particularly early to ensure a spot on the next train.

The two stations currently operating are Stanleyville, right beside SheiKra, and Nairobi, near the Myobi Reserve and the penguins. Both trips take out around the inside of the park as well as out into the Serengeti area. If you want to spend a but more time out with the animals, I suggest taking the Nairobi station train. However, at least for the time being, you can always get on at one station and ride it until you get back to where you started if you want to see everything.

I'm not gonna lie, the train is kinda magical. The stations themselves have plenty of decorations to evoke an early 20th century adventure, and the train itself is outfitted with old fashioned lanterns. When you're far into the Serengeti, for a moment you can easily forget Tampa, Florida and experience the Safari for what it is. I'm not sure if it's the real train whistle and railroad crossing signs or the fact that that the employees have to wave you off as you embark, but the Stanleyville express is just wonderful. Seeing the rides and everything from a different angle really helps me appreciate all the effort that goes into designing a park like this. Trying to maintain a single theme throughout an entire park is difficult, and the train ride is the perfect way to experience some of the little touches. I'll touch more on the animals themselves in my next post but rest assured, seeing the antelopes and giraffes from the train is one of the best experiences in the park that comes with the price of admission. The Serengeti Express gets a 5/5. I guess I just like trains

The final thing I'm going to touch on here is the Giraffe Bar. Located right beside Cheetah Hunt, and up a whole lotta stairs, you will find, for the time being, the classiest eatery in Busch Gardens. In the same lobby as the Giraffe Bar is the Oasis Pizza, which looks decent, though I haven’t been hungry enough to try it yet. Coming soon they also have the Treetop Kitchen The ambiance of this area is a welcome change of pace. Even the long line felt surprisingly calm.

The Giraffe Bar was quite a few specialty alcohol options. Three frozen cocktails, three on tap, and two curated beer flights. Prices are what you would expect from amusement park alcohol, but on a hot day, a frozen cocktail is more than welcome. I personally tried to Serengeti Sunrise, a fruity rum drink with a orange wedge and strawberry for garnish. As far as ten dollar cocktails go, I've had worse. It was certainly refreshing. Next time I visit I am tempted to try the Thorn & Berry, a whiskey cocktail on tap. A couple of the spirits they use here are from conservation efforts, and presumably these drinks help support those funds. They all sound pretty tasty as well, and a step above the frozen strawberry daiquiri and margaritas you can find at other locations in the park. Bonus note: in order to cut down on single use plastics, the straws for the frozen cocktails are edible. Imagine sucking down rum with a long hollowed Smartie. Pretty dang tasty if you have a sweet tooth like me.

The Giraffe Bar also has three food options meant as small snacks, and not a meal. These were the Giraffe shaped pretzel with beer cheese, a brisket truffle Mac and cheese, and hummus with pita. I tried to pretzel. It's not much to write home about. I was especially disappointed with the beer cheese. Like, you're owned by Budweiser, Busch Gardens. Up your beer game. If you need some carbs, go for it. As expected, a bit pricey but if you're sharing (and have that sweet pass holders discount) not a bad option for an afternoon munch.

The outdoor seating is nice. The Serengeti isnt quite as visible as I would like, but maybe I was just at a bad table. I'll have to go back some time and try different drinks. Oh no, what a travesty. Giraffe Bar gets a 3.5/5. That extra half point was because some birds were chilling on the terrace looking for food and one of them almost went inside. What a cutie. I love birds.

Side note mini review: as part of the Summer Nights event, some of the vendors have new desserts and drink specials. I tried to beignets, nice and soft, and am dying to try the “Churro Explosion” that comes with a bunch of different flavored sauces. Fried pastry gets a 5/5 any day of the week.

Just in 2021, I have already visited Busch Gardens Tampa 4 times. I am still finding new things to experience and enjoy, all included with the price of my annual pass (except for food, obvi). It seems to me that they are always trying to shake things up, especially with drinks and snacks. I just think it’s a really nice park. Later this week I will have my review of the various animal enclosures and experiences. Happy Summer!

[taste-in-music]

My Favorite Hit Songs of 2019

This year’s crop of popular music was... absolutely bonkers? I mean, this year we had Billie Eilish crash into the mainstream, Lizzo managed to get multiple hits out of songs she released nearly three years ago, the Jonas Brothers made a comeback, and the longest-running #1 hit in Billboard history became a rap/country crossover that got its start on Tik Tok made by a complete nobody and the dad from Hannah Montana. I’m going to admit, this list was pretty hard to put together, as I found it hard to find 10 songs that I genuinely loved that were hits this year. Despite that, the sheer absurdity of this year’s popular music gave me a spark of hope going into the new decade. For this list, I’ll be selecting my favorite songs off of Billboard’s year end Hot 100 songs list. I’m ready to recount this year in music, so...

10) Sucker by Jonas Brothers I never watched the Jonas Brothers show or listened to their music back when they were big on Disney, so I’ve got no nostalgic investment in them. However, this was a fun comeback to watch play out. This song was pretty dang good for a while, with the funky guitars and the instantly catchy lyrics. It reminded me of “Feel It Still” by Portugal. The Man. Then it got the point where three separate radio stations were playing it at the same time, and now I can barely stand it. I think that after the radio releases this song from its clutches it will warm up on me again though, because I do like it overall.

9) Better by Khalid The strongest attribute of this song is its ATMOSPHERE. The beat, melody, and vocal delivery all compliment one another perfectly, combining to create a smooth, almost sexy sound that washes over you with ever listen. I also like the Daft-Punk-y vocoded lines that pop in at the end, they’re so unexpected and yet they fit in perfectly. I've always loved Khalid’s vocal timbre, it’s so chill and yet warm at the same time. The only thing I can’t praise about this is the lyrics, because I have no clue what they are. Khalid, bless his sweet soul, cannot enunciate. It’s the same problem I have with Ariana Grande. I love your voice, I want to know what you’re saying! 

8) Trampoline by SHAED Give me the hipster points, because guess who knew about this song before it was cool! I’ve loved SHAED’s music for some time now, so it’s been thrilling to watch this song climb the charts and for them to get the recognition and success that they deserve. While this song isn’t my favorite by them, (that slot would probably be reserved for “Perfume” or “Melt,”) it does showcase the group’s strengths, which are emotive vocals and glossy electronic production. I love the effervescent backing vocals and bubbling keys that pepper this song, it gives the song a floaty feel while still keeping it tense. 

7) Old Town Road by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus I can’t think of a piece of music in recent memory that has captured the public’s attention so swiftly and so completely, and you know what? Sometimes something gets big because it’s good. This song, despite all the memes and jokes and radio play and oversaturation, never ever got old to me. Every time it comes on, it puts a giant, goofy smile on my face, and I sing along to the whole thing. I want Lil Nas X to stick around, but even if he doesn’t, I want what this song represents, genre blending, trend-bucking, and a sense of fuck-it fun, to stay.

6) bury a friend by Billie Eilish Out of all the strange hits we had this year, this was the weirdest one to hear on the radio. It doesn’t have a classic structure! It’s about the monster under your bed! It’s got nothing but a shuffle beat, bass, and the sound of dental drill! It just doesn’t belong on the airwaves next to songs like “ME!” or “I Don’t Care.” Despite that, I’m beyond happy that Billie Eilish is bringing a bit of emo weirdness to the mainstream, because if the success of her music, specifically this song, says anything, it’s that pop is heading in a far scarier and more experimental direction. And I’m on board with that. 

5) break up with your girfriend, i’m bored by Ariana Grande The groove on this song is fantastic. The combination of eerie synths, bass, reverbed backing vocals, and rolling snares makes it feel tight and controlled, but also loose and flowing at the same time. There was a lot of pushback against this song due the sentiment of the lyrics, but it’s not like Ariana is unaware that she’s the bad guy in this position. There’s enough indifference and sarcasm in her delivery to show that she’s self aware. This was probably my favorite out of the hit singles from the thank u, next era, (”thank u, next” is great but got a bit old to me, and I don’t care for “7 Rings.”) 

4) Circles by Post Malone  This is embarrassing to admit, because I rarely, if ever, enjoyed any music Post Malone has put out in the past. But this song just hits different. The instrumental feels more acoustic-driven and has a nice pulse to it, projecting a warmth and comfort that none of his other songs have. This was a perfect hit for Autumn, being chill and relaxing enough for Summer, but the underlying bass groove makes you want to move into the productive patterns of the school year. If Post Malone made more music like this I’d reckon I’d enjoy his music quite a bit. 

3) Dancing With A Stranger by Sam Smith ft. Normani Sometimes radio filler turns out to be spectacular. The ambiance this track builds is relaxing but in an otherworldly kind of way, forming a soundscape of echoing drums and whispering synths. I’ve always stood by the opinion that Sam Smith sounds really good with an electronic beat under them, it helps their great voice move in a more free-flowing way. Normani also sounds amazing on this song, her vocals dipping into smokier territory, and when the two sing together they play off one another’s performances with ease. 

2) Sweet But Psycho by Ava Max Who predicted this in their last year’s hit song’s list? This bitch! I was so happy to see this hit the U.S. charts, you have no idea. It was such a breath of fresh air in that it was so splashy, sugar-sweet, and unabashedly pop. The lyrics are some of the silliest of the whole year, (”she’s poison but tasty” makes me chuckle every time,) but it doesn’t matter. The addictive melodies and the earnestness in Ava Max’s performance make them sound like Shakespearean poetry, or at least like she believes that they’re Shakespearean poetry. 

Should Have Been Hits

Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift This should’ve been a single. I get why Taylor chose the singles she did, but this was primed to be a Summer smash, with the glossy synths and vocoded backing vocals and soaring chorus. We were robbed. Robbed, I tell you!

Graveyard by Halsey While “Without Me” got all the glory, this is my favorite of all the Halsey singles we’ve gotten so far by a wide margin. It’s the only one that I’ve made the conscious choice to listen to on my own time for one. I love the way the production rushes as the chorus hits, and the synths that sparkle throughout the verses, and Halsey’s reserved performance.

3 Nights by Dominic Fike This was a hit in the U.K., and I even heard it on a few alternative stations, so why no cross over? If there was any song that should have been the chill Summer hip hop hit, it should have been this. This song is weirdly addictive, the chorus is so inexplicably catchy that once you hear it one time through you will know all the words to it. 

Blame It On Your Love by Charli XCX ft. Lizzo When the mainstream decide that it didn’t need Charli XCX? Because it’s wrong, it needs her very, very badly. The success of “1999″ in the U.K., the name recognition, and the Lizzo feature should’ve been more than enough to boost this onto the charts, but I guess we didn’t want an instantly catchy and fun EDM pop song on the radio. Oh well. 

Motivation by Normani Normani and Lauren are my favorite Fifth Harmony members, so I’ve been rooting for their solo careers like nobody’s business. This single in particular had so much potential: a bouncy beat, a stamp of approval from Ariana Grande, and a kick-ass music video filled with impressive choreography. I hope this gets a bigger push into next year, because Normani is a wildly talented performer that deserves success outside of her collaborations. 

Guilty Pleasures

bad guy by Billie Eilish This was a good song, just not my favorite off the album, or of the hits, (I prefer ”bury a friend,” obviously, and “when the party’s over,” which made last year’s list.) Still, watching this idiosyncratic little tune become one of the biggest pop smashes of the year was enthralling. Like “bury a friend,” it was so strange to hear this on the radio. 

Close To Me by Ellie Goulding ft. Diplo & Swae Lee When a melody gets its claws in me, there’s nothing I can do about it. This is not Ellie Goulding at her best, (I’ll admit that I miss the days of “Lights,”) but the way she delivers the hook on this song is absolutely infectious. I’m not the biggest Swae Lee fan, but he’s fine here too. I never minded when this song came on the radio. 

This year was a bit of a roller coaster for me. Needless to say, there were several instances where I felt quite a bit of stress and insecurity, and oftentimes, I would turn to music to make myself feel better. There was one song in particular that a friend of mine, @hasanminajs​, introduced me to, that instantly became a beacon of self-appreciation and enjoyment to me throughout the year. And when I tell you that I have never been happier to hear a song on the radio than I have with this one, I'm telling the truth. 

1) Truth Hurts by Lizzo I have never rooted for a song’s success like I have for this one, and watching a hip hop track this bouncy, confident, and enigmatic climb the charts was an absolute joy. There are so many great punchlines in this song, from “why men great till they gotta be great?” to “I don’t play tag bitch, I’ve been it,” to the ever-iconic “I just took a DNA test, turns out, I’m 100% that bitch.” This song raised the standards for lyricism in the mainstream. I want Lizzo to be huge, I want her to be influential, I want her to be one of the biggest pop stars of the next decade if not longer. Everything about this song, from its production to its message to its performance makes me smile. And you know what? Sometimes that’s all that pop music needs to do. 

Do you agree with this list? What were your favorite hit songs of 2019? Leave a comment and let me know!

[let-it-raines]

Betting on the Bullseye (30/30)

Emma Swan loses a drunken bet that means she has to ask her celebrity crush - if you can call him that - to be her date to her office's annual fundraising gala for Boston's Children Shelter. Killian Jones is that celebrity. She expects all kinds of humiliation and for her dignity to be completely lost all because of the ridiculousness of the situation. What she doesn't expect is for him to say yes.

What she truly doesn't expect is to actually like the man.

Rating: Mature

A/N: I get all gooey when I finish a story, and this is no exception. In fact, this might be all the worse. Back in November @wellhellotragic sent me a prompt for a silly little one shot (so you should all go thank her for her ideas), and while it was supposed to stay that way, I’m so glad that it didn’t! Thanks for being the best readers and betting on the bullseye ❤️

Also, happy belated birthday to @lifeinahole27 ! This epilogue goes out to you!

PS: look out for a bonus chapter coming soon!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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-/-

She settles down on the couch in front of the TV in the living room, all of the shutters closed so that she can’t see outside to look at the ocean under the dull glow of the cloud-covered moonlight. She can still hear it a little bit, the subtle crashing of water against sand, but it’s mostly drowned by the sound of rain that beats down on the roof of the house. Obviously it rains in Santa Monica, but it’s rare enough for it to be an odd occurrence. She’s used to the sunshine and pleasant weather, even when it gets a bit chilly.

Her Boston roots would be ashamed of her for thinking that sixty degrees is chilly.

It’s what happens when she’s been living in Santa Monica for a little under two years now, all of her internal temperatures getting messed up with the total change in climate.

Making that decision had been difficult, as are all of their decisions to move or not to move and whether to visit for a weekend or a week (or for months if she’s honest with herself, even if that isn’t a real possibility) when Killian is away filming, but Killian knew that he’d mostly be working in LA for his next few projects as he wrapped up his stint with DC and Superman. He says that he’s outgrown that role, that he’s happy to get to move on to other roles that he enjoys more, but she can tell that he’s upset about having all of it be over. He’s really bonded with his costars, and she knows that he’s not too happy to not be working with Arthur and Ariel again after they’ve been working together for nearly a decade.

So he’s a little sad about it all ending, even if he won’t show it, but she can see the tenseness and emotion in his eyes as he promotes the last movie. He’s on Fallon tonight, and she hopes that he gets to have a good time instead of worrying about saying the wrong thing or giving out spoilers.

Her husband has the ability to give her spoilers to all kinds of movies, but she has to tell him no since she most definitely will not be able to hold her tongue.

There was an incident with the last Justice League movie that may or may not have been her fault.

(It was definitely her fault.)

It’s all much easier when Killian’s doing things where spoilers aren’t as big of a deal, but at the end of the day, all she wants is for him to be happy and to be doing something that makes him proud. That’s kind of been their thing lately. They want each other to be proud of what they do for their work, to be proud of how they spend their days. She had to quit her job when they moved here, and it took awhile for her to find one that she loved. It took awhile for her to find one where they wanted her because of her abilities and not because of who her husband is. But she did eventually find work at the Children’s Lifesaving Foundation, and as much as she loved her last job, she loves this one so much more. She actually gets to interact with kids and families, and she can legitimately feel the difference she’s making as she sets up fun events and field trips for kids who would never get that kind of privilege elsewhere.

It helps that she has good hours too, especially now.

Really, the only downside is that Ruby doesn’t work with her, so she doesn’t have her best friend barging in on her office ten times a day stealing candy off of her desk and begging her to the leave the office to get Tasty Burger a few blocks away even when they really should be working. She misses Ruby just like she misses David and Mary Margaret. It’s hard being away from them, and even though they don’t manage to talk every day, they do still talk most days. She looks forward to her video chats with Leo and Brody. They’re growing up so dang fast, and every time she gets an opportunity to go visit them, she’s on a plane.

Her frequent flyer miles are still constantly adding up, and it’s something she’s learned to accept as a part of her life, even if it’s something that she struggled with for a long time.

Actively choosing to leave people she loves was one of the hardest decisions she’s ever made, and no amount of words will ever be able to express how thankful she is that Killian did that for her when they were dating. That changed absolutely everything for them. He always told her that he wasn’t giving up any more than he was gaining, and he’d do it all again in a second.

She would too.

Besides, sometimes she misses that apartment in Boston, so she and Killian will stay there on occasion. There’s a lot of good memories there. She almost traveled with him to New York so that they could stay in Boston for a weekend, but it didn’t work out this time. Maybe sometime soon.

She’s obviously got to go to a Sox game. Of course, they do play in LA sometimes, but it’s just not the same as being in Fenway with her feet propped up on the chair in front of her and with a hot dog in her hand when she and Killian inevitably get singled out to be on the kiss cam.

(There’s a video on the internet of them making out because they got a little too carried away one day, and she tries not to think about that as much as possible. Her husband is hot, okay? Sometimes she likes to stick her tongue down his throat in public like the classy woman that she is.)

She listens as Jimmy Fallon does his opening monologue, the minutes stretching out as she waits for Killian to walk out on stage. It’s most definitely not live and she could just talk to him on the phone, but Killian is currently asleep in a hotel in Manhattan. He’s been so exhausted, the dark bags under his eyes increasing every day, and she can’t wait to have him home tomorrow so that she can kiss that handsome face and sleep next to him in their bed for the first time in two weeks, wrapping her arms around his waist and not letting go.

She misses him. Like crazy.

Even if she’s been stretching out on the bed and taking up most of it by herself. Though, it is a ridiculously large bed, and she can appreciate that the house allows them to have furniture that is far too big for two adults.

But she still misses him.

It’s weird how it somehow never gets easier and then yet it also does. She misses him when he’s gone, and sometimes the ache is overwhelming to the point of tears, but then there are times when it doesn’t have as big of an impact on her and she only misses him a little as she goes to work or spends time with Elsa and Liam. She can never quite explain it. She doesn’t really need to.

It’s her life, their life, and she wouldn’t change it for anything.

Eventually Killian comes out on stage, Jimmy introducing him and the two of them chatting about the movie for a bit, and then they get to the conversation she knew was going to happen. It’s been happening in all of the interviews that she’s watched, and she hasn’t even watched that many. She loves the man, but she doesn’t need to listen to every word that he says.

That doesn’t even happen at home.

Killian talks a lot.

“You and your wife welcomed a little girl a few months ago, right?” “Well, that was supposed to be a secret,” Killian starts, bouncing a little in his seat and curling his lips into the beaming smile that forms on his face every time he talks about McKenzie, “but then a cheeky photographer managed to get a picture of us shopping for a crib with Emma’s rounded belly. But yeah, my wife gave birth five months ago, and I am so in love with my girl. Well, with my little girl and my big girl.”

She scoffs at that, but mostly she laughs at the way that Killian’s ears go red as he drops his face into his hands while Jimmy roars with laugher. “Emma, darling,” he sighs, speaking right to the camera, “you know what I mean if you’re watching. You likely haven’t watched any of my interviews, but this is going to be the one you watch.”

“You might want to bring flowers when you go home,” Jimmy chuckles, trying to contain himself as the audience calms down.

“That might be a good idea.” “What’s it like being a dad?” Jimmy asks as he tries to change the subject. It’s a good subject change. This is one of her favorite things for Killian to talk about. Much more than Killian calling her his ‘big girl.’ “Terrifying,” Killian laughs, and she does the same, moving her legs up underneath her. She needs a blanket, but she doesn’t want to go get one. “I mean, it’s - “ Killian shakes his head back and forth, the disbelief evident on his face. “I’m a pretty private guy, especially over the past few years now that I have a family, but I love my wife and my daughter more than anything in the world. Of course I remember what life was like before them, but it’s been so long since Emma wasn’t the center of my entire world that I honestly don’t want to remember. And she gave me this kid that’s - she’s the greatest kid in the world, no competition even if I know that she is likely up right now grabbing on Emma’s ears.” She chuckles at that too all while her stomach does actual summersaults that are disagreeing with the butterflies that are taking flight inside with her. The man is so damn romantic, and she cannot believe he’s making her swoon thousands of miles away while he’s in New York for work. Dammit it. He’s not supposed to be able to do that, but he can.

It’s not something she’s going to complain about. She might tease him a little though.

“You realize that’s likely going to be all over the internet tomorrow? Right after your other affectionate comments.” Jimmy laughs, leaning forward at his desk.

“Aye, I know, but I’ve found far too many weird things about me online to go looking around. I usually only see most things because Emma’s best friend sends them to me.”

She doesn’t get to hear the rest of the conversation because, almost like clockwork when she has a quiet moment, McKenzie starts crying, her little voice coming through the baby monitor that’s practically attached to her hip at all times. Usually she’ll cry for just a little while and fall back asleep, a lot of the awful late nights with constant wailing having ended a few weeks ago, but she is missing Killian a lot tonight and kind of wants to hold her kid. It’s selfish in a way, but McKenzie isn’t going to complain.

Mostly because she can’t talk and a little bit because Emma holding her will soothe her cries.

“Hi, baby,” she sighs as she walks in the room, leaning over the crib and looking at McKenzie clench her fists, her little pale face all red and bunched up and her green eyes slammed shut. “You’re being overdramatic, kid,” she laughs, picking her up out of the crib so that the cries stop while her iron grip gets a hold on some loose strands that have fallen out of Emma’s braid. That always seems to happen, and it hurts like hell. How she isn’t bald, she has no idea. “There’s no need to cry when I know for a fact that you’re not hungry and that you don’t need to be changed.”

It’s weird talking to someone who can’t talk back, but she’s kind of gotten used to it. She kind of enjoys it. A lot of her problems can be solved at three in the morning when feeding McKenzie and rocking back and forth in the glider. Sure, talking to Killian is great, but he talks back. Sometimes she just doesn’t want that.

That’s life.

The next three hours are spent walking McKenzie back and forth in the house while she tries to straighten up a little bit. It’s not totally a mess, but she and Killian are always going to have different opinions on what constitutes a mess. She’s not tired, though, her sleep schedule all out of whack since giving birth, so she has the energy to clean until she does eventually put McKenzie back to bed, hoping that she sleeps through the night.

She really has no idea, though, because when she wakes up the next morning the sunlight is already filtering through the bedroom window, the rain long gone, and instead of waking to a loud monitor, she wakes to Killian very creepily sitting next to her in bed staring down at her, his hand trailing up and down her arm.

“KJ, what the hell?” she gasps, her heart beating so quickly that her breathing stutters the slightest bit.

“I come home after being away for weeks, and my own darling wife isn’t even happy to see me. Shameful.”

“Oh my God,” she groans, rolling her eyes at the way that he’s got his hand clasped over his chest. “You’re ridiculous. You just scared the shit out of me.”

“Language, darling.”

“She’s not in the room.”

With a bit of an ache she sits up in bed and cups Killian’s cheek, running her thumb under his eyes to look at just how tired he is in person. It’s Saturday, so they’re definitely spending all day in bed. Sleeping or sleeping together. It doesn’t matter. Probably both.

Definitely both.

“Oh but she is,” he promises, his eyes scanning her face likes he’s trying to see if one of her freckles has moved. They haven’t, but he can feel free to check. “I’ve been home for about an hour. You were asleep, she was awake, so I went ahead and had some time with one of my best girls while I waited for you to wake up.”

“Your little girl instead of your big girl?”

“Bloody hell,” he groans, his lashes landing against his cheeks. All of his freckles are still in the same place too. Good. “You watched that?”

“I did, babe. Are there flowers downstairs?”

“There can be.”

She laughs at that, at the way he kind of looks like he might actually go buy her flowers, but she simply smiles and shakes her head. “So she’s on her playmat?”

“Aye.” He leans forward to slide is lips over hers while his hands cup her cheeks, the warm roughness steadying her while she finally feels them be connected again. It’s slow, languid, and just like always, she could get lost in it. “I have missed you, my love.”

“Me too. You’re not allowed to leave for a solid three weeks.”

“Why three?”

“Because that’s when I’ll get sick of you again.”

Killian chuckles, the warmth of his breath tickling her skin, and it doesn’t take him long before he’s peppering kisses against her cheek and jaw, working his way down until he’s moving against the tattoo on her wrist. It’s an actual tattoo now, not just a little dot.

MJ.

Mckenzie Jones.

Or as she’s usually known, Kenzie Jones.

She’s got two KJ’s who she loves more than anything in the world, and it was that alone that made her finally decided to expand her little dot tattoo into something more, into something better than her small rebellion at finally being free when she turned eighteen. That dot always meant something to her, but it means so much more now. When they got married at a courthouse in Los Angeles, just the two of them and Will of all people as their witness, she thought about going and getting the letters of Killian’s initials inked on her skin. But they did have a bit of a party to go to with their friends and their families, so it didn’t happen on that day. It had been a bit of a struggle to get everyone in one place for them to just get married at a courthouse, but it had all been worth it for them to get married only with the people that matter most to them around them.

And she eventually did get that tattoo. It’s just a little different than the originally planned KJ.

Killian’s got a matching MJ inked on his wrist. Now she can kiss his wrist tattoo as well. What’s fair is fair after all.

“And after I spent all day yesterday talking about how I wanted to get back to my wife.”

“That sounds like a personal problem.”

“It was but I – ”

McKenzie lets out what can only be considered as a squawk, and she can practically feel Killian’s groan, the dirty words on the tip of his tongue being swallowed back in exchange for him rolling off of the bed and picking their daughter up, gently plopping her down on the bed in between them.

“Little love, Daddy wants to romance Mummy right now, and here you are making very loud noises that don’t agree with all of this romance.”

“She’s obviously an evil little mastermind trying to keep us from giving her a sibling.”

“Darling, we managed to make her in between me being away for filming and us living next to Liam again. I think we can find some time to do some enjoyable activities with you on your back.”

“Or you.”

“Amen to that,” he laughs, falling back against the bed and picking up Kenzie, walking her across his stomach with her little chubby legs. “Alright, Kenzie girl, Daddy has been gone for two weeks, and I need you to tell me all about the junk food that Mummy is hiding in the kitchen.”

“She came out of my body. She’s not snitching on me.”

“She doesn’t have to. You left a tub of icing in the bathroom.”

Her shoulders shrug. She’s not at all ashamed of the fact that maybe she let herself indulge in a little icing. She doesn’t remember taking it into the bathroom, but weird things happen at night.

“It happens.”

He twists his head to the side, half of his face pressed into the pillow while he flashes her that crooked, boyish, altogether charming smile. She loves him a ridiculous amount. Has she told him that today? She’ll make sure to tell him later.

“It does,” he admits, his eyes crinkling. “Tell you what, later, once we’ve got this one down for her nap, you and I can go to town on that tub of icing.”

A laugh passes through her lips before she leans over and brushes those lips over Killian’s forehead. “It sounds like a plan, Stan.”

[consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis]

31+ Healthy Junk Food Alternatives for the New Year

New blog post! Now that 2020 is here, I know a lot of people set goals for moving their body a little more and eating a healthier diet. And while I 100% believe that junk food can be part of a healthy diet (and have even written a post about why I’m healthier eating more processed foods), I did discover plenty of healthy junk food alternatives in 2019 that not only had less sugar, more veggies and protein or a little more nutrition than the typical treats...but also tasted freakin’ delicious. Some of the foods I’m including below have been mentioned in previous blog posts, but most were completely new to me last year, and are totally new for the blog too!

So whether you’re looking for healthy snack options or just want some ideas of delicious snacks to try in the New Year - that also happen to be a little more nutritious and 100% gluten free - keep reading to learn about 31+ healthy junk food alternatives.

Savory:

Crunchy Snacks:

The Real Coconut chips

If you’re looking for grain free or paleo chips that give tortilla chips a run for their money, look no further than these. These healthy chips are also vegan, and I love that these are thick and crunchy. As a bonus, all of the Real Coconut's products use easily digestible plants like coconut, plantain and cassava as their main ingredients.

Rhythm Superfoods vegetable chips 

Be warned - these vegetable chips are not everyone’s favorite, and people seem especially torn about the beet chips. However, if you want some crunch and to increase your vegetable intake at the same time, I think Rhythm Superfoods' veggie chips are an awesome choice.My top three favorites are the kale chips, carrot chips and beet chips (in any of the flavors). All of the healthy chips are not only gluten free, but also vegan and non-GMO. 

Beanfields chips

I’ve written about these gluten free and vegan snacks before, so I’ll just say they’re made partially with beans (yay extra protein, fiber and potassium) and addictively tasty.

Artisan Tropic chips

Artisan Tropic offers a variety of certified gluten free chips made out of cassava or plantain. They come in flavors like Barbecue and Jalapeño, but my favorites are the plain sea salt. These chips are also vegan and paleo, and have fewer calories and fat than the traditional potato chip. 

Saffron Road chickpeas

Saffron Road offers a variety of certified gluten free frozen meals and sweet chickpeas, but I also love their savory baked chickpeas, which come in flavors like Bombay spice, Chipotle, Korean BBQ and Sea Salt.

Green Mustache crackers

Biting into Green Mustache’s “Cheddarish Crackers,” you would never guess this healthy savory snack is gluten free and vegan. Green Mustache makes their “munchies” out of nutritious ingredients like chickpea flour and kale, and I love that they donate any unsellable crackers to local farmers for livestock.

Simply 7 Snacks chips

Like Artisan Tropic, Simply 7 Snacks sells certified gluten free chips with a range of different base ingredients, including chips made with quinoa and lentils. All their snacks are free of gluten, trans fat, preservatives and artificial colors and flavors. My favorite chips of theirs are the Original Quinoa Curls and Sea Salt Lentil.

Meals and Sides:

Real Good Foods' pizza  

As I've shared before on Instagram (the best place to see even more gluten free product reviews!), Real Good Food’s cauliflower crust pizza consistently blows me away. I don’t taste the cauliflower at all and I love that the pizzas are the perfect size for one meal. Their cauliflower pizzas are grain free, low carb and high protein. 

Right Rice

I definitely don’t think that you need to avoid or replace regular rice in order to “eat healthy.” However, if you are trying to increase the amount of protein in your diet, Right Rice is a tasty plant-based option. Right Rice actually made of lentils, chickpeas, peas and rice, but you can cook it just like you would at regular rice and serve it the same. It comes in many different flavors and my favorites are Original, Lemon Pepper, and Spanish. 

Trader Joe’s cauliflower gnocchi

For months, I heard everyone and their mama rave about Trader Joe’s cauliflower gnocchi, and the rave reviews were right on target. My favorite way to prepare the cauliflower gnocchi is defrosting it a bit in the microwave before finishing it off in the skillet. 

Mikey’s hot pockets

Ommmggg, y’all. Like I’ve shared before, I’m an ambassador for Mikey’s and while I love their grain free pizza crusts and English muffins, their gluten free hot pockets are something else. So far, I’ve tried (and loved) the Ham and Cheese, Cheese Pizza Pockets and Pepperoni Pizza flavors. This traditional junk food is given a bit of a nutritious upgrade by using plant based cheese and cassava flour. Besides being grain free, Mikey’s hot pockets are dairy and milk free, soy free and paleo friendly. 

Sweet:

Crunchy Sweets: 

Safe and Fair's kettle quinoa chips

If you like sweet and salty popcorn, this flavor of Safe and Fair kettle popcorn quinoa chips is sure to become a new favorite. They also feature quinoa for a boost in protein and are certified gluten free, as well as free of eggs, shellfish, fish, dairy, peanuts and treenuts.

Spudsy's sweet potato puffs

Sweet potato gets a sweet upgrade with these gluten free puffed chips. Made with a mix of sweet potato flour, rice flour, pea protein and other ingredients, their churro flavor seriously tastes like a delicious cinnamony fried treat.

Skinny Dipped Almonds

I can thank Skinny Dipped for making me absolutely obsessed with chocolate covered almonds. Their dark chocolate is my top pick, but strawberry and PB are delicious too. The almond base makes this sweet snack high in protein and fiber with just the right hint of chocolate. 

Dang Foods' coconut chips 

If you love dried fruit, Dang is another awesome company to know about. Their coconut chips come in many different flavors and the crunch is out of this world.

Bada Bean Snacks

You already know I love snacking on flavored chickpeas, but these roasted broad beans are equally delicious. These high-protein snacks are also high in fiber and relatively low in fat, and Bada Bean has many different sweet and savory flavors, but cocoa and cinnamon are my favorite. Bada Bean Snacks are also gluten free, soy free, non-GMO and vegan.

Foods Alive's Globe Trecker Trailmix 

As I've mentioned previously, I’m an ambassador for Foods Alive and one of my favorite products of theirs is this superfood trail mix. Can’t go wrong with crunchy peanuts and cacao nibs and chewy dried mulberries and goji berries. All gluten free, raw, non-GMO, organic and vegan.

Quinoa Munch

This healthy snack is made with quinoa and corn and not only tastes like a light, crunchy cross between popcorn and cereal but also offers some calcium, iron and protein. I prefer the chocolate flavor to passion fruit but both are tasty.

Bare Snacks' banana chips 

Bare Snacks sells gluten free dried chips made from bananas, strawberries, coconut, apples, sweet potato and many other Whole Foods. Their dried banana chips are one of my favorite healthy snacks before bed.

Candy and Cakes:

Free2B's Dark Chocolate Sun Cups

Now, these sunflower butter cups certainly aren’t “health food.” However, compared to a traditional Reese’s peanut butter cup, Free2B’s is a bit lower in sugar, avoids the top 12 allergens, uses Fair Trade dark chocolate and tastes just as delicious. Free2B also sells different chocolate bark (called “Snack Breaks”) that are also made with high quality, allergen-free ingredients and addictively tasty.

Alter Eco's Coconut Clusters 

This healthy chocolate snack only lasts a few days at my house...and I live alone. There is just something so irresistible about a chocolatey treat that also has the crunch of toasted coconut shreds. Besides being certified gluten free, Alter Eco’s Coconut Clusters are free of soy, artificial flavors and emulsifiers, and only have 5 grams of sugar per serving.

Project 7’s Gourmet Chewies

I’ve never been a huge Skittles person, but I do love having a few of Project 7 Gouet Chewies with my night snack. These are chewy candies with a slightly crunchy exterior that are made with no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives. They’re also gluten free (of course), non-GMO, organic and made in the US.

Nibmor

I’ve stumbled upon tons of delicious, healthier chocolate brands over the years (if you want me to write a round up of just those, let me know in the comments!), but Nib Mor is the brand that can now always be found in my parents’ pantry. Their chocolate is certified gluten free and vegan, organic, non-GMO and Rainforest Alliance certified. My Mom’s go-to buy is the Extreme Dark Chocolate, which is 80% cacao and features crunchy cacao nibs for extra antioxidants.

Rule Breaker Snacks

Who knew that gluten free brownies and blondies made with chickpeas could taste so good!?! Rule Breaker Snacks’ desserts are also vegan and nut free, and come in several flavors. My top two choices are the Birthday Cake Blondies and Deep Chocolate Brownies, and I appreciate how big the chocolate chunks always are.

Veggies Made Great

It is seriously amazing that the gluten free muffins from Veggies Made Great have vegetables as the two first ingredients. You don’t taste the carrots or zucchini at all, and these muffins (particularly the double chocolate and banana chocolate chip flavors) are especially delicious popped into the microwave for a few seconds. These veggie-packed muffins do contain eggs but are free of gluten, soy, peanuts and tree nuts.

Julie's Real Carmel Vanilla Blondie Mix

I couldn't resist sharing an amazing product from another company I love and serve as an ambassador for: Julies Real. They only recently released their paleo blondie and brownie mixes, and they are seriously some of the tastiest gluten free baking mixes I’ve ever tried. Plus, the mixes are certified gluten free, non-GMO, organic, paleo and free of dairy, soy, peanuts, cane sugar, flavorings and extracts. The instructions on the back of the baking mixes do call for an egg and a good amount of nut butter, but I’ve made these baking mixes vegan and lower fat as well by instead using one ripe banana, one vegan egg replacement from Bob Red Mill and only 1/4 cup of nut butter.

Soozy’s Grain Free Muffins

This was one of my last finds in 2019, and these paleo muffins seriously blew my mind. They are made of all-natural, unprocessed ingredients like cage-free whole eggs, almond and coconut flour and extra virgin coconut oil. Plus, Soozy’s Muffins are certified gluten free and free from grains, soy, dairy, GMOs, fillers and additives. I’ve tried the Double Chocolate and Wild Blueberry flavors and both were insanely soft, moist and loaded with flavor. They reminded me a lot of the fancy coffee shop muffins I enjoyed before celiac disease!

Ice Cream and Cold Desserts: 

Wink Frozen Desserts

Since my last dairy free ice cream round up, I hadn’t tried Wink Desserts yet, and they definitely deserve a mention. This vegan, low sugar and low calorie ice cream alternative is def not a good option if you don’t enjoy artificial sweeteners, since you definitely taste them with Wink. However, I still really enjoyed all the flavors of Wink I got to try - especially Dark Chocolate, Vanilla Bean and Salted Caramel - and the texture of the ice cream got super creamy when given time to thaw.

The Worthy Company's Blendie Bowls 

This isn’t a frozen dessert per se, but the Worthy Company's Blendie Bowls are some of the tastiest veggie-packed puddings I’ve ever tried. Each blendie bowl is packed with two servings of veggies, eight grams of vegan protein and fiber and only eight grams of sugar. You’d never guess that there are legumes one this thick pudding, and while I enjoyed eating it chilled on its own, it also makes a BOMB healthy frosting.

Vixen Kitchen

On the note of frozen desserts, I wanted to mention Vixen Kitchen’s paleo and vegan gelato. It’s sweetened with maple syrup as well as being organic, and I ended up loving the Midnight Mint flavor, as well as Naked Vanilla. This isn’t my favorite vegan or paleo ice cream that I’ve ever tried, but it’s a pretty tasty option if you’re looking for a frozen dessert with more wholesome ingredients.

Eat Fronen

Last but not least - I talk about making banana ice cream all the time, but Eat Fronen takes banana ice cream to the new level. This dairy free frozen dessert comes in five different flavors that are made mainly of bananas, along with four or fewer other ingredients.  Madagascar Vanilla and Strawberry were my two surprise favorites. I really wish I could make my own banana ice cream half this thick and creamy!

What I Hope You Learn about "Healthy Eating" in 2020

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I do not think that people need to avoid traditional junk food or comfort food in order to be healthy. Personally, I lovvvve digging into a decadent full-fat, high-sugar cookie when I’m craving one...but I also love eating it with a veggie-packed pudding or using super dark chocolate while baking. That’s my definition of balance, and I hope that 2020 - and maybe even this list of yummy recommendations - will help you find yours.

In fact, my biggest hope for and goal of this post is to expose people to brands that might make it a lil’ easier to eat more vegetables and protein or less sugar. And if you are starting a new lifestyle like paleo or vegan, or need to avoid allergens like gluten, dairy, soy or nuts, this list should give you more ideas on what food options are really available for you, too. So whether eating a bit healthier is a goal you want to set in the new year or you just scrolled for the foodporn, I hope you’re taking away whatever tidbits of information will help you craft an even yummier new year! Have you heard of or tried any of these products before? Which are your favorites...or which do you want to try first?

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2FdeuaQ

[lcsbicas]

[ kaya scodelario, twenty-seven, cis female, she/her ] ━ hey, I just saw [ willow mendes ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ six months ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ tattoo artist ]. I hear they’re known to be [ courageous & kind hearted ] and [ secretive & self deprecating ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ coffee stains, sea salty hair, intricate dotwork tattoos, restless hands, smudged eyeliner, lipstick on a plastic fork, paint ridden fingertips, whispered secrets, and beaming smiles ].

in the wise words of our lord & saviour, kuzco... boom baby ! guess who’s back ! 6+ months later than planned ! me ! so, hi ! i’m m ! you may remember me from such roles as, believe it or not, this ol’ worm if you’ve been around a hot minute ( but with a different name ! there’s already a hazel so i switched it to her alt whoops ! ) and from helping v out on the main a few weeks ago ( mena massoud ? mena massoud ! ) if you’re new-er ! i was here Before from the Beginning for like... ages, and then a lot of personal shit cropped up and i had to Yeet but guess who’s back,,, back again,,, me !

so lowkey coming back was like,, an impulsive thing,, lmao. like, i’d planned to sort some shit out and then come back in a couple of weeks and then that did Not work out, but then i was tempted on and off for months, and then babysitting the main for v again made me so much more tempted and then v was the best influence and here i am ! i went back and forth with characters and faces and things, and was tempted by loads of the wc’s ( y’all are creative as shit ! there’s so much good stuff on there omg ! ) and idk me and v were talking about it and,, i couldn’t help it, so i brought ma girl back. revamped a little, and taking her back to her Roots and when i originally played her like ,,, two years ago or something #Wild like that, so have some bullet points about this absolute goblin !

trigger warnings: alcoholism, death.

( also quickly before i go into shit, i’m gonna be a little spotty for a few days but by like,, wednesday i should be Here, Queer, and ready to Partie. however, wills’ bio and stats and shit needs updating name wise and idk if after getting this up i’ll have time, so if you could just bare with me, that’d be greatly appreciated ) 

oh god okay this is gonna be a mess

but first off: girlie has stats !! tasty !! 

she was born in crownsville to two young but loving parents, who hadn’t exactly planned for her but were willing to devote their lives to her once she arrived. for the first few years of her life, everything was perfect, and her parents got by no matter what challenges life threw at them, as at least they always had eachother and their little girl. 

everything was hunky dory ( or, it was from willow’s child-pov ) until willow was eight, when her dad died unexpectedly. after that, her mother was never the same, and she struggled to raise wills alone. willow did her best to make their lives as decent as possible, but it wasn’t easy, and her mother certainly didn’t help that.

she stayed in crownsville until the age of eighteen. she eventually went off to new york after she had a pretty, uh, Eventful year ( it’s kind of A Lot and i don’t really wanna go into it too Deep here but i have a full bio for her if you want it ! all the trigger warnings are clearly labelled ) but first, after battling an increasingly severe drinking problem for a few years, at eighteen she went to atlanta to get sober and sort her life out a little. once she did, she took an apprenticeship opportunity in new york and headed out there to start Afresh ( maybe moving to an entirely different state while freshly sober wasn’t a good idea but listen...........that’s the way she rolls, baby ) 

she loved ny, and did all the Struggling Artist shite while trying to #FindHerself, and got herself a tiny matchbox of an apartment to Thrive in. she started over, grateful for the opportunity to have a second chance at life now her perspective had been shifted, and get the fuck on with her life. 

so before she moved back in january, she hadn’t lived in crownsvillle since she was eighteen, and although she claims she came back ‘because of work’ that actually translates, in willow, to ‘because i missed it’ 

she got what she needed from new york after living there for five years, and another change was necessary. however, she didn’t want to keep running, and hopping from place to place and state to state every time something bad happened, as her parents were ‘free spirits’ and floated around to wherever the wind blew them until willow came into their lives, and she really doesn’t want to become either of them, so when her boss at her tattoo parlour in new york mentioned something about wanting to open another shop ( ‘maybe boston, or atlanta...’ ) willow, after just getting out of a Less Than Loving relationship, suggested a lil’ place just outside of atlanta that y’all may have heard of, and offered to keep an eye on the place. so she packed up her shit and moved back home, completely unrecognisable from the mess that left all those years ago, and she now lives in the apartment above the shop ! she hates it !! but she lives there nonetheless !! with her two beloved goldfish, ernie and bert !! 

after her last relationship ( f i n a l l y ) came to an end, and a few years of confusion and inaccurate labels, she ( F I N A L L Y !! ) accepted that she’s a flaming lesbian and started identifying as such. after coming back to crownsville she might’ve been a little hesitant to reveal that information to anybody who knew her before, just because she felt like it might be a bit of a Shock considering the shit she used to get up to when she was last in town ( as a teen, she was dealing with enough already and wouldn’t even let herself think it; in her eyes, the last thing she needed was an identity crisis piled on top of everything else ) but now it’s been a little while it’s more well Known. new people in her life, though, are faaaar more likely to be in the know, it ain’t no secret. plus she can be a bit of a hoe so like.............. the fellow wlw in town also probably know lmao  

her life has made her a little bit Messy as a person, but she’ll be a complete dumpster fire while giving you a smile and doing her dang best. she adores her job ( and is, if i may say, pretty dang good at it. she trained up & became a fully qualified tattoo artist, specialising in dotwork, while in new york ) and she’s also pretty dang good at the people side of her job, too & and she’s trying her best to be a good person. like,,, she’s done some shit she’s not proud of that make her think she’s a bad person, so she’s like Actively Trying to be a better person despite the fact that she’s lowkey got a heart of gold. her morals are just a lil askew, y’know ? she’s Trying

honestly i never know what to say in intros lmao, especially with wills since i’ve written so many for her, but if you want more info feel free to read other intros i’ve whipped up for her before: boop, boop, & boop. 

so i can settle back into playin willy and being back, i’m gonna say willow’s been away for a couple of weeks and only recently Come Back within the last couple of days or something like that ??

also some shit about me to finish: honestly, i love small/medium gifs. i know, i’m awful. but for the Aesthetic and so things match i usually use gif icons ?? but tbh if you use bigger gifs, i’ll whack mine out happily. but i also love rp icons and have a bunch of ‘em that i love to use so you’ll see those Bad Boiz too. i also use small text but feel free to make it bigger when you reply if that’s the way the good lord made ya, i don’t mind in the slightest. i’m not the plottiest of people tbh ( or like,, pre-plotting ? ) so tbh u don’t have to message me to plot just bc u feel obliged to, but if you have ideas feel free to hmu ! i will, ofc, do the same ! and if a thread gets going and ideas spark, i’m all for that !!

[moonlight-shanty]

Dick Cam- Rhink fic

Link was on the computer looking at men kissing n fucking he was getting into it he adjusted his glasses as he was stroking himself to an aching hardness. Oh fuck oh fuck he moaned. His hard dick was uncontrollable he felt he would cum at any given moment when he heard a ding and rhett popped up on his computer screen. Oh dang ohhh. Link stroked as he looked at the msgs pop up. "Hey link." "What are u doin up buddy." "Good to see you up" "I couldnt I" link strokes he puts the hot men up as rhett speaks to him. It comes in hot whispers in his ear. Rhett mouthing his ear... words dripping with hot sex. Spine tingling. Ohh rhett. link moans. He wants rhett wants him so bad. But he's off limits. But how he craves that hot tongue driving him crazy. He descides to do it while he is online. He makes a video call to rhett.. not caring anymore. Rhett please accept he moans.. he rubs his hardcock as his computer dials. Rhett lets the call fade out. He tries again.. again it fails to connect. Ohh fuck!! Link moans Rhetts not answering. Fuck! dammit! He puts his dick down and types to him. Rhett whats up why you not answering... dont wana catch me with my pants down.. i got a good feeling you'll like this..i got a hard dick for... oh shit link thinks as he types. I cannot say that. He erases his message. His cock jumps when rhett types "whats up?" "Why the call at 2am" "sorry i had to move into the lounge" "you were gonna wake up my darling wife" thats it thats why he couldnt go any further with rhett..his "darling wife" & kids. But oh how naughty he felt tonight. His wife was sleeping in her

bed she had no idea he was in the study... "been think‐ ing of you". Link typed he was soo hard leaking to his balls. "Oh yeh?" Came the reply. "Yeh" link replied. He really was thinkin of rhett. His hands all over his body. Rhett swallowed "Wat about buddy?" Link licked his lips "your cock" he typed then he erased it. "Your body" erased it. "Just you. Noone else" link typed he sent it. "Me too, are you alone?" Rhett typed. "Yeh" came links reply. "Wat are you wearin;)" link typed. "Wearing?" Rhett asked. "Yeh you got any clothes on?" Link typed. "No" rhett played with his friends mind. Ohhh link moaned. Thinkin of rhett with no clothes on. "Got your cock out then?" Link was naughty he sent that msg to rhett. "Yes. Why?" Rhett replied. "Think i could see it?" link typed his mind a blur. "Why?" Rhett asked. "Just for a second.." came the reply. Rhett wondered when this had turned sexual. "Hmm link i think you better go to bed your delirious." "Im not" link replied. "Are too" rhett replied. "Am not. just...horny. work with me show me your cock, show me you in a new light!" Link replied "im not showing you my cock again man youve seen it before just same ol.." "PLEASE" came links reply he jerked his cock hot and fast. "No link. Go back to your wife..treat her to some sexual advances not me" "i .. i..m not into her tonight. Please please do me this one little favour.." he called rhett again and now that he was alone this time he answered... rhett was sat in his living room the light was on and dim. Lighting up the important features but not too much. Most of the light was coming from his laptop he was playing with

his cock. Link softly sighed. "You thinking of me?" Link said. "Yes" rhett replied in a small voice. It was like a squeak. Link tilted the camera to his cock.. "look wat you did to me man" link said. His hard cock pertruding. "Baby you're SO HARD. I like it" rhett whispered "you want this hard cock?" Link whispered back. Rhett moaned into the camera. "I want you to suck on it Make me feel good.." link replied. "I'll suck it good baby" rhett replied. He stroked his large thick cock. "I got something for you to see" rhett moaned. He tilted the camera to his engorged dick. He spread the precum around his shaft making it look shiny and tasty to link. Link moaned he rubbed his cock as he took in the sight of his friends manhood. "I want you to fuck me" rhett said. "Fuck" link replied "don't do that to me" "i really mean it. Come over here"

[ghosty-schnibibit]

taz liveblog under the cut! ^u^

fun fact: the rss feeder i downloaded SPECIFICALLY so i know when new eps are posted didn't work at all, i've been home from class waiting for the new ep for 3+ hours when i could have been listening >:T

on the bright side the only taz related post i saw before listening was "taz spoliers with no context" and then a bowl of french onion soup, so that'll be fun

"well and phandalin-ed" pfffff

oh no mama :(

SNOW :D

aww dani ^u^

wait... so does barclay have big feet in human disguise form too?

aw ned my baby 

i only know what a hot toddy is because of UFUT 

"for a reason" i am suspicious

is trav on the website? evidently lol

aubrey my precious baby ilu

bonemulcher sounds hardcore as fuck

DO YOU???

t h e  s l i p  d i p

i can't wait to see the art of that sick flip lol

oh i love this omg

A THUNDERSHIRT

nice shining ref there trav lol

YET. ANOTHER. NICKNAME.

ned you drunk ilu

"big wild dogs" nice doggies 

NED STOP TALKING ABOUT BIGFOOT TO RANDOM STRANGERS, YOU KNOW HIM PERSONALLY!!!

oooh new music :o

... well that was surreal

has duck been there the whole time??? oh evidently not lol

"gone to jesus, braxton did" aw :(

"oh god please take me away" bless you ned

i've never had poutine, i bet it's yummy 

"no they don't" D U C K

that sounds fun 

oh no, that ain't good

awww, dani the concerned potential gf

well this guy's a dick >:T

"rumble!" clint ilu

"gotta defend our boy" bless

well there's where the soup comes in!

can i just say how much i love when justin goes on these little rambling monologues about the people duck knows in town? it just fleshes out the world and duck's character so well and it's so good

amish gruyere sounds tasty as hell

"don't fuck with hubert" god i love this podcast

it what clint??? 

i have never heard the word waft pronounced like that in my entire life

god this is making me want french onion soup so bad, i'm gonna have to go to panera over the weekend and get some now 

ONE XP FROM THE SOUP

"she was slumming it with duck" aww duck baby :(

god damn this is so fucking powerful. leave it to justin mcelroy to turn french onion soup into a metaphor for wanting to keep being alive for fear of missing out. i'm literally crying right now

that said... does this mean ned knows about minerva? 

also, if the first time duck saw minerva he was in his teens and he didn't turn her down until he was 18... did he just go along with the chosen thing? just accepted for years that he was going to have to give up his life to save the world? jesus fuck that is some heavy shit

IS THAT THEIR ACTUAL GRANDMOTHER? THIS IS SO CUTE OMG

same, justin, same

♪♫♬ the hornets are gonna rumble tonight ♪♫♬

holice and jake are ex-boyfriends i'm calling it now

welp, holice is significantly nicer

keith is a dick

OH THIS IS BAD, THIS IS VERY VERY BAD

i don't like griffin's plotting dm voice :(

OH YAY :D

OH NO D:

god that's such a pretty image

jesus they are rolling beans today

well this is extraordinarily suspicious

you can always count on trav for those good good roles

"i had some chili earlier" gross 

WHY WOULD YOU DRINK A SOUP WITH CROUTONS IN IT NED???

oh snap, wtf is up with this

... this is thacker isn't it

BAD IDEA THERE NED

wait... when did clint roll for ned? isn’t that just trav’s roll?

called it lol

oooooh these are the wilds dani mentioned :o

wait so mama's been in sylvain the entire time???

god this is so good

hells yeah, i'm gonna grab mine from barnes and noble

ooooh is that the liveshow with kravitz? yay :D

oh this is cool as hell

fun, aubrey's got her own lil study zone :)

"or to put somebody that you don't want going anywhere for a while" well that sounded... suspicious. i’m calling it now, griffin’s gonna put them in a situation where they’re gonna need to lock up agent stern

awwww duck ilu my baby

"please remember that you have it" that's the sound of a dm tired of his players forgetting about their magic items for 50+ episodes

some very nifty upgrades here :o

oh dang, who's ned's crew gonna be???

A FANCLUB :D

this sounds choice lol

THE INTERNED

final thoughts: this was a fun interlude! i love all the new narrative developments going down, as well as all the good level ups. also, i can’t believe that justin made me cry over french onion soup, holy hell.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 09 - 13.04.18 lb

righttttttttttttt, so the inbox is fulllllllllllllllllll of ppl asking me to lb this week, which got me kinda sorta intrigued as to what was so great.... anyway, here we go... let’s see if i still remember how to do this ish!

09. 04. 18

jfc literally not 10 seconds into the ep and in mahoday ki hamming shuru. yougaiz y u do this to me??????????? 😫😫😫

idk if it’s that i haven’t watched this show in so long or what, but my god the level of ~draaaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaaaa (from nakuul’s acting to everyone’s reactions, to the frantic close ups, to the crazy music) is fucking killing me of second hand embarrassment. 😖😖😖

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT EVEN IS THIS ~~~~~ACTING HE’S DOING, WITH THE WEIRD HEAVY BREATHING EXHALING THROUGH HIS TEETH I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING 🤣🤣🤣

lololololol shakti and jhanvi and tej’s overwrought lamentations.

and they have the audacity to call pinky dramatic and tell her to shut up all the time. 😑😑😑

“jo maine apni aakhon se dekha hai, uske baad mujhe kisi explanation ki zaroorat nahi hai!” - the credo of every dumbass male lead in tellywood. 🙄🙄🙄

same, shaktiji, same. this is my face rn too, watching this hot mess.

lmao who the fuck told you to have so much bharosa and guroor on these ppl when they’ve always proven to be shadyass fuckers who were always out to fuck ppl over in some way or the other????? like your own damn mom tried to screw you over. honestly shivaay, you’re dumb as a bag of hair.

no really, from like episode 3 onwards my boy om’s been trying to tell your dumb ass that this family was shady af, but did ya ever listen to him? nooooooooooooooooooo. fucking idiot.

OK HIS HAMMING IS KILLING ME YOU GUYS I CAN’T DO IT I CAN’T. *fwds*

honestly pinky is me. just suffering through this in silence, kyunki kehne ke liye baaki hi kya hai??????????/

oh. spoke too soon. mummeh has had enough of beta’s ainvayiiiiii ke accusations and like OMG STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

mummeh, bachpan mein hi chaar daant aur critical thinking sikhaaya hota bete ko, toh aaj yeh din dekhna hi nahi padta.

meanwhile some randomass “comedy” is happening here with ruVya and anika and i honestly dooooo notttttttt give a fuckkkk *singing it like jean ralphio from parks and rec*

jfc, it hurts me physically to see how skinny surbhi’s become, just look at the fucking bones jutting out on her chest. girl, what are you even doing, eat something!!!!

second time poor om’s had to take the heat for shivaay. sigh.

ugh ok i really don’t care for this “comedy”, which is not even funny, but i’m here for anika regretfully yet affectionately trying to wipe the water off om’s face.

sigh the crumbs i’m resigned to as an aniKara lover.

OMFG ISKI OVERACTING IDHAR KHATAM NAHI HUI???? DON’T YOU HAVE A PLANE TO JAPAN TO CATCH AND SOME CULTURE TO APPROPRIATE?????? CHAL HATTTTTTT YAAAAAAAAARRRR, JAAAA NAAAAAA.

same, tej. #same.

god i honestly am dyingggggggggg. it’s actually physically painful to watch this. i should pop a klonopin or something.

matlab, om ka puraana “sachchai” waala bhoot shivaay ke andar ghus gaya hai kya? i find it extreeeeemely rich that he’s allllll about truthfulness now when alllll he’s done throughout this show is use his money and power to cover up his family’s shady BS on a daily basis. suddenly he’s raja harishchandra.

god mamta ka vaasta and all that shit. [mais voice] aye chal naaaaaa. 😑😑😑

ok already shivika have a fuckallllll marriage, where he doesn’t tell her shit. uske upar se this toliiiii of naraad munis is lagaaofying more aag. fuck y’all. fwding this nonsense.

LMAO JHANVI BEING LIKE MERE LIYEEEEE OMKARA RUDRA AUR TUM MEIN KOIIIIIIIIIII FARAQ NAHI HAI, don’tttttttttttttttt you evennnnnnnnn go there b. don’t you evennnnnnnn!

lel bua ki slow clap waaali entry.

abbe bas kar na. stop after the third clap, yeh kya 5 minute tak taali bajaaye hi jaa rahi ho??????

i really fucking hate this bua more than any character i’ve ever hated in this show. ever.

ugh om you were supposed to the be voice of reason in this group of deranged monkeys. why are you like this???????????? 😣😣😣

waise maaannna padega, bua has killer jawline. i also want such defined jawline. my jawline is like a ball of goonda hua atta, sigh.

LMAOOOOOOOO her reaction at being yelled at by allla them. someone teach me how to be this calm and composed and not instantly dissolve into tears the moment someone raises their voice at me.

PHOTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS 😱😱😱

thank the lord over here this clown posse has finally wizened the fuck up. dumbasses.

hahahahahahaha tej finallllllllly realizingggg that roop is a taylor swift level 🐍🐍🐍🐍

oh daaaaang. roop’s finally snapped. thookna and all. 😬😬😬

meanwhile, this one here has gone into catatonic shock. abbe at least use this time to excuse yourself and go return your wife’s call, she’s worried sick outta her mind.

oh damn she spilled that veer’s her baby.

now everyone here is just like goddamnnnnnnn roop, what mountain giant did you have sex with to create that hagrid type half-giant???? 😶😶😶

lol she used the word baaaaaaaaaanjh. remember the good old days when anika used that word repeaaatedly to scare the f outta shivaay? sighhhh, good old days.

yup. stillllllllllllll in shock. someone call anika to come throw some water at him and snap him outta it.

oh no. he snapped outta it. it’s worse. go back into shock, plz. ugh.

OH GOD HE’S BACK AT IT WITH THE “MERE LOG”

daaaaaaaaaaaayum rooop at it with the logiccccccccccc “tab nahi maara tha toh ab kyun laash ko nikaalne aa gaye??”

“oh fucks yeh toh maine socha hi nahi. yeh toh shits ho gaya.”

lmaoooooooooooooooooooo she exited while clapping too.

WTF HOW IS IT “CLEAR KI MR. KAPOOR KO AAP LOGON NE NAHI MAARA”??????? HOW? EXPLAIN YOUR TRAIN OF THOUGHT TO ME RN, SON. COZ I DON’T GET IT. ALL YOU HAVE IS THEIR WORD AGAINST HERS.

naaaaaaaaaaaaaam kyaaaaaa thaaaaaaaaa

god please don’t tell me this dumbass sends them and covers up mr. kapoor’s skeleton on his own. please!

WHAT HE’S TRUSTING KHANNA WITH THIS FUCKING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

callllllllllll abhayyyyyyyyy back you dumbassssssssssss. at least he was useful to dig up the old tapes and shittttttttt. khanna can’t even be trusted with buying paper!!!!!!!!!

i don’t get it. why is roop so determinedly behind shivaay and anika’s relationship. like focus on killing the shady 4 na, or destroying the fam as a whole, embroiling them in scandal and bankrupting them....... this focus on shivika is so random and contrived, just like when svetlana was behind them. KUCHHHHHH VIIIIIII AINVAYIIIIIIIIIIIII

OMFG DID SHE REALLY SAY DAANTON DAANTON MEIN?????? IS THIS SOME META JOKE ABOUT HER TEETH WHAT EVEN IS THIS SHOW AND IT’S WEIRDLY HELLA ON POINT META JOKES THESE DAYS??????????????

anika is in a rightttttttt paniccccccccccccc

dang khanna’s hair on pointttttttttttttttt

WHUT SHIVAAY JUST DID THE THOONK SE PAGE PALATNA THING WHICH IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT SOMETHING HE’D DO

aaaaaaaaand we have an address!

10. 04. 18

explain to me how he looks like THIS after a sleepless night where half of it was spent standing around in rain and a muddy dilapidated factory, while i look like something that the cat dragged out the gutter even after 10 hours of sleep and some masterful eyeliner.

murder and being shady got the shady 4′s appetite all down. hota hai, hota hai.

god, shivaay, you’re the fucking worst. look how worried this poor girl is for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN’T YOU JUST FUCKING TEXT BACK??????????????? GOD. MEN REALLY AIN’T SHIT.

thank god for pinky being calming and motherly to anika FOR ONCE.

omg jhanviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii stfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu i hate you soooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. remember when i was like i hate roop most. naah, i hate jhanvi the most.

how the fuck is a house abandoned for over 25 years in INDIA, only this dirty? like, this is the haalat of house if you don’t do jhaadooo pochchaa for like 3 days. 25 years, this place would have been infested with rats and snakes and giant mutant pigeons and every surface would be a goddamn tetanus risk.

lmao anika and her CHA waale names for everything.

GOD SHIVAAY STOP TOUCHING EVERYTHING. UGH.

oh and the cassette tape is perrrrrrrfectly fiiiiiine and playable and waah, like @jobless-n-aimless said, electricity bhi chalta hai. kamaaaaaal. seems like this house had some kinda protective charm bubble around it.

lmao yeah ok shivaay, that’s ALLLLLLLLL you’re getting to know from this. all the chaaaa names and CHUTKI absolutely don’t ring ANYYYYYYYYYYYY other bells.

BRO THE VOICE LITERALLY CALLED HER ANIKA, LIKE.... ARE YOU STILL NOT GETTING IT?????? HOW THE FUCKKKKK YOUR SLOW ASS GOT INTO FUCKING CAMBRIDGE, I’LL NEVER KNOW

lmao the burden of the truth deflated his hair kekekekeke

OMG LOOK AT THIS PERFECT GODDESS GOD SHE IS SO PRETTY *kisses the screen baar baar*

as per usual, tia proves that she’s the best person in this godforsaken show’s universe and that we, and especially these fucking oberois, are unworthy of her grace and magnanimity

um shivaay, learn to read the expression of the person in front of you before going into this gleeful-manic-spiral

um yeah. good. connected the dots. finally.

his hair is back inflated again. you know why. (because it’s full of secrets.)

lmao wifeeeeeee is about to fucking slug him, that’s how fucking mad she is.

that’s a reaaaaaaaaaaaal guiltyyy face my friend. like you literally look like you came back after having affair.

lol that burnt roti tho. points for consistency. i just recently watched that clip of sahil eating his burnt waala tiffin; “yeh jalaa hua nahi hai, bohut tasty hai!”

(shivaay: jalaa hua khaate hai, isliye dono bhai-behen jale-bhune rehte hai!!!!)

LMAO HER FACE EVERY TIME SHE STRUGGLES WITH THE BURNT TO A CRISP ROTIIIIIIIII

aur yeh bechaara hai ki khaaye jaa raha hai, bina complaints. truly haqdaar of SPA 2018 best pati.

yes that was sarcasm/hyperbole. clarifying before y’all clog up the inbox with outrage.

oh ho ho ho, do they regularly trade massages? DO SPILL! 😏😏😏😚😚😚😘😘😘

aw okie, slight heart melt at this. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

baaaaaaaaaaad cover uppppp. she knows something’s up. 

LMAO HE’S FULLY PARROTING SAHIL’S WORDS “JALA HUA NAHI HAIIIII, BOHUT TASTY HAI!”

the boys in anika’s life know that key to happiness is lying about how much they love “well done” food. 🙈🙈🙈

aw man, his face is kinda killing me.

GOD WHY DON’T THEY REALISE THAT THIS MAN’S BEST ACTING IS ALWAYS WHEN HE IS SILENT AND MADE TO EXPRESS, AND WRITE ACCORDINGLY? NO. LOUDDDDDD LOUDDDDD OVERDRAMATIC MONOLOGUES. OUFF. KUNAL IS THE ONE GOOD AT THOSE. GIVE HIMMMMMM THOSE. *sets the whole writers room on fire* 😣 😣 😣🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

THANK GOD FOR ONCEEEEEEE SHIVAAAY’S AT LEAST TELLING THE BROTHERS INSTEAD OF FUCKING ACTING LIKE A MARTYR WHO HAS TO HANDLE EVERYTHING ALONE

bruh have you met anika? she’s handled a lot more in life, namely you and your hellspawned family’s presence in her life, to break from THIS kinda news. but like ok.... whatever keeps the show running.

gotta say i’m on #teamRudra.

god om, since when are you like this????? you were always for total transparency and truth and blah blah blah. i guess all that was just a phase, huh???

lol @ omru’s dramaaaaaaticass fight as shivaay dissociates again. 

.... um you don’t know shit about her family situation tho? all you have is a name and address? how you know if her maa baap pyaar karte the or whatever. like honestly, you jump from A to Z dontcha????

.... it bothers me how they keep saying Anika Vardhan Trivedi, instead of Anika HARSHVARDHAN Trivedi. coz like.... harshvardhan is usually a single name, not split up? ok whatever.

“jinki beti anika ho, koi galat nahi kar sakte”

that’s the most dumbass thing i’ve heard. there’s plenty of perfectly good children in the world with absolute psychos as parents. many examples of which are living in your own damn house. but go offfffff i guess.

“main kya aise hi gaandhaari banke ghoomti rahoongi?”

pffffffffffffffffft.

lol that lil sassy face she made at him after he took the patti off.

why are their cobwebs across the door, even after shivaay (and presumably omRu) have opened it and gone into the house?

god the look of foreboding on his face is KILLLLLLLLLING ME.

11. 04. 18

i love this song and all but ugh it’s so cliched and overdramatic. i would have just preferred the sad anika theme with the violins.

ah man. my heart. there’s anika, who’s experiencing all this, memories coming back to her, all strange and fuzzy, but then there’s also shivaay experiencing them through her, but filled with SO MANY MORE FEELINGS: concern, trepidation, guilt.

aaaaaaaaaah fuck. it’s all coming back to her nowwwwww.

but like... idgi. she remembered chutki, but just specifically forgot her dad and his name? seems like some kinda weird nonsense made-up-for-tellywood kinda amnesia, but okay?????

again, i’m just so struck by how nakuul’s best acting comes when there’s no/minimal dialogue, and he’s just made to REACT in a passive role, rather than taking the lead. like honestly gulneet, if you love him sooooooo much, why wouldn’t you write to his best abilities, rather than forcing him into scenes and situations where he comes off looking like a bloody amateur? LEARN TO UTILIZE YOUR FUCKING CAST BETTER, FOOLS.

ok fully i’m fully sobbing like a damn fool up in here, at her both laughing and crying. fuck will this fucking show never let go of me?????? when will i stop being affected by these damn characterssssssss.

aaaaaand his hamming’s started. ouff. chup reh na yaar. 5 second pehle hi toh maine taareef ki thi. let me at least have some more time to genuinely mean it.

this house is genuuuuuuuinely too clean to have been abandoned 25 years. i’m sorry but i cannot get over it.

..... no someone srsly explain to me from a medical/psychological point of view what exactly anika’s mental situation is/was? like, she didn’t remember anything about her father or home for 25+ years and now suddenly she even remembers what songs dad used to play on the radio and how good her dad’s cooking was? she now remembers that mom died giveng birth to chutki, but there was a moment where she thought nayantara could genuinely be her mom. is this some kinda PTSD/retrograde amnesia combo or what?

his slight smile at her happiness at memories tho. sigh.

aaaaaaaaaand the guilt is back. in fullllllllllllll force.

oh no. truth time. dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn.

oh bb girl. oh honey.

also, verrrrryyyyyyy interesting: callback/parallel to the pose they assumed when she FIRST revealed about not ever knowing her family and the hardships she’s fought against because of it.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF FOR THE SURPRISE WHEN YOU KNOW SHE’S DEATHLY SCARED OF THE FUCKING DARK YOU MORON

chalo achcha hai, omRu have SOME skillz at least.

god i want cake now.

ONE MORE MOTI JOKE OMFG I WILL FLY MY ASS DOWN TO MUMBAI AND FUCKING BURN THIS WHOLE FUCKING SHOW DOWN I SWEAR TO THE LORDS ABOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

yeah okay sappy cute. this shit does nothing for me anymore. either break my fucking heart, or give me the tharak. this cute bullshit don’t work on me no more.

lmaoooooooooooo oh man

this would be an excelllllent meme image for this show.

“me looking for sense and logic in this show”

“rikara fans looking for rikara in this show”

so on and so forth....

these two’s babies would have very nice smiles. just saying.

lmao this buaaaaa sooooo damn bittttterrrrrrr. bua get a damn hobby, man. like maybe hairstyling or something.

OMFG WHAT A FUCKING WASTE OF CAKE I HATE YOU PPL THERE’S CAKELESS PPL DYING IN THE WORLD (me)

“haye haye, itne gusse mein kyun hai???” lmao bua have you met him? his default factory setting is gussa. you have to be at least lvl 4 to unlock amicable feelings.

daaaaaaaaaaaang, bua just went straighttttt to the point.

this buaaaaa keeps spilling secrets soooooooo insouciantly.... like so casually she dropped that veer is her son. now she’s dropping that she has HVT’s suicide note. like surely it would be better to just keep these things to yourself and use them as fucking bombs? why would you give them away?

LOL SHIVAAY’S DRAMATIC READING OF THE LETTER AS IF HE’S PERFORMING SHAKESPERE ON THE STAGE.

aur bg mein bua ke reactions. too gooooood. overdramatic chutiyaapa runs in the oberoi blood.

i reaaaalllllllllly don’t understand his belief of HVT’s innocence. based on fucking what? this is as nonsensical as anika’s belief that shady 4 didn’t set the fire, despite all proof being against them? like, JUST coz these ppl birthed your boo thang doesn’t mean that they’re innocent of shit they’re being accused of????????

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO SHE JUST KEEPS PULLING OUT COPY AFTER COPY AND THIS DUMBASS KEEPS DESTROYING IT AS IF SHE WOULDN’T HAVE MORE COPIES.

lel same, roop. #same.

WHY DOES THIS BUA KEEP TELLING SHIVAAY ALL HER SECRETS????? LIKE.... IS SHE JUST REALLY LONELY, AND SHIVAAY’S THE ONE PERSON WHO LISTENS TO HER THESE DAYS?

that signature they showed in the fb looks nothing like the one in the letter shivaay was reading.

daaaaamn khooooooni bua just killed two of shivaay’s girls’ dads. in one nightttttt.

DUDE I LOVE BUA’S CONFIDENCE. DID SHE RAISE SVETLANA OR WHAT? ONLY ONE STRONGASS CRAZY BITCH COULD HAVE SPAWNED ANOTHER ONE. maybe that’s why svetlana calls veer her bro!

fully subscribed to this headcanon!

the face of a man who knows he’s thoroughly and absolutely FUCKED.

12. 04. 18

i say send the khud ke maa baap to jail. they could use some jail time to get their heads screwed on right.

OK TOO FAR BUA. TOOOOOO FUCKING FAR.

oh ho ho ho jo karna hai kar lijiyeeeee and all. i like my man’s (misplaced) confidence.

BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING I LOVE BUA’S CONFIDENCE. FUCKKKKKKK HOW TO GET SOMEEEEEE

TELL ME GAURI WALKS IN SEES ALL THIS STUFFFFFFFFF AND FUCKING BRINGS OUT HER PICCCCCCCC AND THEY REUNITE OMG JUST GIMMMMME THIS ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYY

god shivaay just fucking tell them....

WHATTTTT THIS IS THE MOST LAMEASS DIVERSIONNNNNNNN COVERUPPPPPPPPPP

OH GOD SHIVAAAAAAAY COULD YOU BE MORE SHADY YOU DUMBASSSS

onceeee they find out they’re soooooo gonnnnna fuckkkkkkk anika over oh godddddddddddddddd

like ok however powerful shivaay is, i find it hard to believe he can get everything erased from the damn internet. bitch, plz.

someone’s in a loveyyyyyyyyy mood.

lol look at her jankyass but cute little label with her name on it.

cute belly poke!

“yehi meri naam, khoon, khandaan, aur pehchaan hai. bohut saal bitaaye hai maine is naam ke bina.”

AAAAAND THEY RUINED IT WITH THE FUCKING “YEH TOH AAPKA BADAPPAN HAI” BS. GIRL HONESTLY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN HOW THIS MARRIAGE STARTED OR WHAT???? LIKE.... WHAT KINDA FUCKERY...... (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

........ AGAINNNNN EXPLAIN TO ME HOW SHE SUDDENLYYYYYYY REMEMBERS ALLLL THESE DETAILS ABOUT HER DAD. LIKE....

ugh maaaaaaaaan the angggggggggst. FUCKING DO YOUR JASOOSI QUICKLY ALREADY SHIVAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY

god now what’s fucking bhavya’s deal nowwwwwwww.

UGH THIS FAM AND IT’S EXTRA AF BS

aw, shivaay’s as choked up as she is.

THE SHOW IS FINALLY REDEEMING PINKY PROPERLY ITS FINALLY REDEEMING PINKY SDLFKJSDLFKJSDLFJSLDJFLSD THIS IS NOT A DRILLLLLLLLL

the scene’s being ruined for me with the frequent cuts to jhanvi. i really hate her. at least gimme more of rikara’s beautiful faces in these scenes rather than these other waste characters.

ok us baat par, obligatory beautiful faces waala break:

jfc. an angel. an actual fucking angellllllll sent from heaven above.

ok back to regular programming:

THIS IS ALLLLLLL IVE WANTED FROM THIS SHOWWWWWWWWWW AB JUST GIVE ME ANIRI AND KHATAM KAROOOOOO PLEASEEEEEEE LET ME JUST LIVE IN PEACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BAS KHATAM KAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GOD I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP THOUGH, FOR WHEN THEY FIND OUT SHE’S THE FOREMAN’S DAUGHTERRRRRRRR THEY’RE GONNA TURN ON HER SOOOOOOOO FASTTTTTTTTTTTT

only took two weddings and both of them taking bullets for each other and drowning and being buried alive and jumping out of a plane and vanvaas and god knows what other hell, for finally getting mom’s acceptance. such is the life of a raja beta.

FINAAAALLLLLLY WE HAVE THE AUNTY NAHI, MAAAAAAA BOL TROPEEEE

jfc is pinky dying after hearing MAA or what????? is she ok?????

ok this scene just became hellllllaaaa overdramatic for NO reason?????

SHAKTIJI IS LIKE OK I ALSO WANT TO BE PART OF THIS TIME FOR ME TO REMIND YOU I’VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU MORE THAN ALLLLL THE REST OF THESE FUCKERS.

...... god i’m dying of cringeeeeeeee at these fuckers realizingggg who her dad issss. please god let them be decent human beings and not turn on her. please. PLEASE!!!!!!

I CAN’T BELIEVE SHIVAAY STILL HASN’T PUT THE GAURI IS CHUTKI CLUE TOGETHER YET. DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YO DUMB ASSSSSSSS

oh no they’re realizing, they’re realizingggggggg

GOD SHIVAAAAY YOU’RE SO FUCKING SHAAAAADY AND BAD AT THISSSSSSSSSSS

god this kul patri garbage again

my baby looks soooooo happy though. and alll my other happy babiessssss. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

FUCKING GIMME ANIRIIIIIIIIIII ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫

ab toh billu ka 34th bday bhi aaa gaya (chala bhi gaya kya?) will they now finally do that kulgothra poooja or whatever to make his life lesssss chaotic and messy???/ please do. please fucking doooo. 

13. 04. 18

ok finally. the fucking episode i sat through all this other garbage for. GIVE ME THE SEXXXXXXXXX!!

poor billu can’t enjoy cuddles from happy lovey wife because of manhoos bua. keede pade tujhpe bua.

ugh you’ve promised her this khushi BS like 40 times already and always fucked up. maybe just promise it to yourself this time, so at least she isn’t heart broken when you break it. again.

first of all, it’s a stupid fucking promise in the first place. you can’t reasonably promise over shit you have no control over. I’M SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A CYNIC BUT THEM’S THE FACTS OK

lelllll, wife is in The Mood™. that is patent boy-you-about-to-get-realllllll-lucky face.

OK I’M SORRY TO INTERRUPT AND RUIN THIS, BUT I GET SO ANNOYED WHENEVER THERE’S A KISS AND SHE LEAVES HER LIPSTICK/GLOSS ALL OVER HIM. LIKE Y’ALL TOO CHEAP TO SPRING FOR THE TRANSFERPROOF STUFF FOR THE ONE SCENE EVERY 6 MONTHS OR WHAT???? ffs. ek toh this man’s skin is so pale ki he’s almost translucent. light theek na ho toh bhoot lage. uske upar se yeh alag chutiyaaapa.

ok sorry. back to the sex.

THOSE SOME PRETTY SULTRY FUCK ME EYES ANIKAAAAAAAA

uhhhhhhh huh, get it billllllluuuuuuuuu. you kisss that neck. kiss it gooood.

OUFF YAAR KOI YEH MANHOOS DUPATTA TOH HATAAAOOO, WHO THE F WEARS DUPATTA IN BED????????????

finally. it’s slipping off!

AND IT’S OFF. HALLELUJAH. JAI MATA DI LET’S ROCK!!! 

OH HO HO HO HO PLOT TWIST, SHE SHALL BE DOING THE NECK KISSING TONIGHT. WIFE’S IN CONTROL TODAY. HOLD ON BILLU!!!!!

lmao, A+ sanskaari sex face, shivaay.

billu’s long-forgotten hand fetish has also come out to play tonight!

OHNOEOHNOEOHNOE BONER KILLING BUA THOUGHTS NO NO NO DON’T RUIN THIS FUCKING NO GET YOUR HEAD BACK IN THE FUCKING GAME OBEROI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(literally, “the fucking game” kekekeke)

phew thankfully wife takes controlllllllllllllllll and seals the deallllllllllll

THIS WAS THE SEX SCENE WE DESERVED, instead of whatever the fuck laal ishq was. it mighhhht have just unseated the pool waala hotness for me because yaaaas, this scene had female agency and desire and taking control and just a refreshing lack of  “shivaay yeh aaaap KYAAAA kar rahein haiiiii?????” THANK YOU. AT LEAST THE ONE GOOD SEX SCENE FROM THIS GODFORSAKEN SHOW. NOW GIMME RIKARA SEX

NOW ALL I ASK OF YOU IS THAT THEY USED PROTECTION THIS NIGHT; COZ THESE FOOLS STILL NOT READY TO PUT A BABY IN THE INSANE ROLLERCOASTER THAT IS THEIR DAILY LIFE. PLEASE LORD, DON’T LET HER BE PREGNANT. PLEASE I BEG OF YOU.

LMAOOOOOOO MAYBE IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR TRUSTING A SECURITY GUARD WITH THIS INSTEAD OF A REAL PROFESSIONAL???

ouff this damn buaaaaaa.

lmao, i’m just checking his neck for hickeys. anika seemed pretttty into the neck kissing last night.

how the fuckkkkk is that suicide note even credible? like that signature was very obviously obtained under duress. matlab kuch bhi.

lolololol “bore ho rahi thi” - villains who fuck shit up justtttt for shits and giggles are my faaaaaav.

lmao what the fuck do you mean saari media ko khareeedna pade????

WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THIS MAN, HE CALLS THE POLICE AND IS LIKE YOU’RE GONNA GET SOME EVIDENCE. IT’S FAKE. *I* WILL TELL YOU WHO THE CULPRIT IS IN A BIT. LIKE...........

LMAO MY GOD ALL THE DAANT JOKES I CAN’T HANDLE. FROM HIS DAANT PEESNA TOH DAANTON MEIN BEAUTYYYYY!!!!! WHOEVER IS WRITING ALL THESE META JOKES IN, +10 TO YOU AND ONLYYYYYYY YOUUUUUUUUU.

again...... why the fuckkkkkkk would you TELLLLLLLLL him this roop??? like, wouldn’t it have been better to let him think he’s won, and then have this as a backup plan?

SHIVAAY YOU DUMBASS WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK FOR THIS INSTEAD OF CALLING OMRU AND TELLING THEM TO INTERCEPT

jfcccccccccccccccccccccccccc. in the nick of fucking timeeee.

... ok that’s the lamest reason possible.

wife knows something’s up. alllll the way back for a hug? not even a kiss with some tongue? seems like a raw deal.

STOP BABBLING SHIVAAY. GOD YOU’RE THE WORST LIAR EVER. EVER.

not amused. not fooled. that face is just screaming fuckkkkkkk youuuuuu.

ok that was most contriveddddd drop of MS ever; but call me a sucker. i fucking love this trope in this show ok. i just do. whenever this happens it’s like.... reassuring, ki ultimately they’ll make it through okay.

guh. i’m not in the clutches of this show and couple like i used to be, but stilllllll, some moments reallllly fucking get to me man.

oh ho ho ho, look who went from not being able to physically spit out the words “i love you” to freely saying “main tumse bohut pyaar karta hoon”! good on you billu. +10 points to slytherin!

goddamnit billu you’ve got her thinking you’re fucking dying or some shit. stop scaring a girl like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JFC SHIVAAY. LIKE ANIKA’S A WAY STRONGER WOMAN THAN ME COZ THIS WHOLE SPEECH WOULD HAVE MADE ME COLLAPSE IN A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK TO RIVAL ALL FUCKING PANIC ATTACKS. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU FUCKING BREAK NEWS TO PPL.

AND @ ALL THOSE PPL WHO’RE LIKE OH SHIVAAY’S AN AWESOME HUSBAND (ESP. COMPARED TO OM) LOOK AT ALL HE DID, THIS IS WHY I’M LIKE NAAAAAAH. LIKE, I’LL RESPECT THAT HE WANTS TO PROTECT HER. BUT IT PALES IN THE LIGHT HE’S STILL WITHHOLDING STUFF FROM HER, STUFF THAT SHE IS ENTITLED TO KNOW BECAUSE IT’S PERTAINING TO HER LIFE. THIS IS ANIKA’S FIGHT TO FIGHT.  NOT HIS. HIS JOB IS TO SUPPORT HER IN THAT FIGHT, NOT FIGHT IT FOR HER. MAN, JUST TELL HER THE FUCKING TRUTH, HOW MUCH EVER YOU KNOW. ROOP BUA IS VEER’S MOM. SHE MURDERED TIA AND YOUR DADS’ AND SET THE MILLS ON FIRE COZ SHE’S A CRAZY BITCH. THERE. DONE. HONESTLY. INSTEAD, AS ALWAYS, THIS GUY IS INFANTILIZING HER AND KEEPING STUFF FROM HER AS IF SHE’S SOME CHINA DOLL. HAVE YOU MET ANIKA? SHE’S THE STRONGEST EVER. YOU FUCKING FALL APART TO PIECES EVERY TIME YOU GET SOME SHADY NEWS ABOUT YOUR FAM. WHO THE F GAVE YOU OF ALL PPL THE RIGHT TO KEEP SHIT FROM HER??????

never thought i’d say this, but in this matter even rudra proved to be smarter than shivaay (+om.) gawd.

she’s also a dumbass, promising based on knowing fucking nothing.

OMFG I CANNOT BELIEVE RUDRA IS YET AGAIN BEING THE FUCKING SMARTEST ONE HERE WITH ALL THE CORRECT ANSWERS AND EVERYONE IS JUST IGNORING HIMMMMM. 

oh ho ho ho ho billu picking anika over family.

only in name tho. warna let them go to jail na.

blah blah blah dono bhai blah blah blah who will aid and abet in lying and concealing the truth fuck y’all

lolololol i read on IF that apparently bua’s “pasand ki ladki” is gonna be........ SVETLANA, and tbh, i cannot stop cackling and clapping in delight. this is going to be fucking hilariousss and funnnnnn.

LMAOOOOOO BUA’S SASSY INCREDULOUSNESS AND STRAIGHT UP “WHY THE FUCKKKKKK WOULD I MAKE THIS DEAL WITH YOU”

LOLOLOLOL WHO’S CHARLIEEEEEE, AND MY GOD EVEN HEEEEE KNOWS ALL THE SECRETSSSSS LIKE.... AT THIS POINT ONLY SHE DOESN’T KNOW.

damn shivaaay, what a kachcha khilaadi you are if you think she’d give you the folder right then. like what kinda piss poor business man are ya???????

 mannnnn, bua’s really growing on me. like really really.

also oh ho ho ho ho. achcha write in to have shivaay disappear for a few days while nakuul’s on break. good. you can keep him bua. i guarantee ki kuch ghante baad aap hi khud usko khulla chod dengi, coz the man is insufferable. 

MEANWHILE THESE DUMBASSES ARE SHOUTING ABOUT THEIR PLANS IN THE LIVING ROOM LIKE OMGGGGG WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ITNE DINO BAAD DIALOGUE AUR FOOTAGE MILA HAI, FUCKING ABHI TOH AKAL SE KAAM LO

[flounderingfisherman]

fishy excuses

currently slamming my way through my second dirty shirley of the night in order to numb myself to the monotony of pain Ive become accustomed to. lmaoo that was pretty dark and very dramatic.  I am just so tired and have grown so impatient in this whole endeavor. like i feel like i try so dang hard and nothing ever works out?? And it has been so easy to regress back to maladaptive thought patterns that I’ve worked do hard to grow out of. Like it is so easy to feel undesirable and unlovable and honestly just ugly. In every way. But when the mature Arlo brain is finally able to gain control back from reptile brain Arlo, I am able to put everything into perspective and resign myself to the fact that sometimes shit doesn’t work out and also possibly that the universe may hate me?? And I realize that rationalizing the irrational is not the most helpful way to deal with these sorts of thoughts, but frankly, I go on a lot of dates. A lot of people message me on tinder. And a lot of times it is me, like I may have commitment issues?? But I also just think I have high standards, which ig it is what it is with that shit. Like i’ve only recently been able to really cut ties from my suuuper catholic upbringing and my very intense religious beliefs, but when shit like what happened this past week happens to me, it genuinely makes me reconsider the possible existence of a governing deity because literally how could one person’s luck be this bad?? like I must have pissed off somebody somewhere for sure. 

But anywhooo, this week I received a text from someone that ghosted me literally 3 whole weeks ago. The last text I sent them was me asking them out on a date. But if I’ll be honest, I had already ghosted them for about half a week at that point and I had honestly just texted them because I was bored and lonely lmaoo. Which I admit wasn’t very cool of me, buttt a bitch loves attention. But anyways, this person and I had connected via tinder about a month ago and basically had arranged a ~coochie consultation~ later that week. So I texted them the morning of to check in to see if they were still good for that night. They responded a few hours later and asked for a raincheck for a few hours later bc they had a lot of homework to do. On a Friday. So that was cool. But also, consent is key lmao, and I get that they were probably just intimidated bc we saw each other at the dining hall they day before and ngl, I just carry myself in such amore confident way than they do. And thats totally okay, I get it. Confidence is a journey, y’know? But at this point where I’ve made the decision to be hot shit and act like hot shit, so therefore, I am hot shit. And I know this makes me sound like an asshole, but I do think they were just intimidated and scared. But i am just soooo ughhhh. A bitch just wants someone to hold their face and maybe get a couple smooches?? Is that too much to ask for? A bithc is just trying to break into her hoe phase and past her ctaholic guilt and shame phase.  Okay so anywhooo, we didnt hookup and we sorta talked here an there for like a week and then I asked them out. Fast froward 3 weeks later to last night when I get a text at 12:45 in the fuckin morning that was like, “I am soooooo sorry I didnt mean to ghost you. But also, Im in relationship rn :0″. And that is what brought upon this questioning of the existence of god. Bc what would be a reason for one to send that text if not being possessed by a pissed off and vengeful power?? Like they were clearly just trying to tie up their loose ends and make themselves feel better. And also of course to flex on me. And they absolutely did. Bc no matter how hard I try, no matter how hot I look, nothing ever seems to work out. And i recognize that this semester is the first time I rlly have put myself out there with intention, but aghhhhh.

Sooo, zooming in on the last 24 hours: Whilst munchin on my tasty ass hawaiian za, I got a message from someone on tinder inviting me to ~cuddle ~ with them in their room the next night. Being the horny bitch I am, I of course agreed to it. And I was also honestly pretty excited bc I thought they were so cute and they seemed witty and funny, which I imagine would make for a good hookup?? Not that I would know unfortunately. Anyways, after sending me their address this morning, I got a message a couple hours later asking to post pone bc they weren’t feeling  very well. And I know that this was probably a genuine excuse because they initiated it all on their own, but I feel like there not being a reason for all this bad luck makes it that much more frustrating?? Like come hell or high water, no matter how hard I fuckin try, shit will somehow end up not happening. GARGHHHHH

And I am aware that this whole thing is very self-pitying and the epitome of wallowing, but it’s just like???? litcherally wtf is going on. 

Just a bunch of fishy excuses is all I hear