#horse from images on the internet

[fightingwithallreality]

Smoky the Cowhorse (1926) written and illustrated by Will James

[azures-grace]

Lucien and Shadowmere WIP

edit:

I love coloring skin :)

[1117feverlessdreams]

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* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

PAIRING: OnlineSeonghwa! x CollegeFemReader!

🐰📍SUMMARY: We all get pent up in sexual stress time and time again, and you’re no different. The measures you resort to however may be unusual. You decide to take your issue to the internet and masturbate with a stranger online. A stranger you haven’t met yet.

🐰📍WARNINGS: masturbating obvi, p in v penetration, sadism, cursing, fingering, code names, safe word, reader gets called bunny and darling, and during the deed, slut.

🐰📍WORD COUNT: 8.2k

🐰📍A/N: This story is literally a years work in progress, and by that I mean it’s been sitting in the drafts a quarter of the way done. I don’t know where this was headed a year ago, but these things may happen for a reason…

If you’re being honest…

you have been overly horny, and out of your mind lately!

In the midst of a history essay that is due very soon, you ignorantly minimize the web tab to look for ’free internet accessed relief.’

It was the period of your ovulating phase, so your hormones were shot up so high that you’d do anything to deescalate the throbbing pain between your legs.

It’s only been an half hour of working, and your rolling desktop chair’s leather began to feel gummy underneath your sweltered thighs.

The whole concept of piling on homework before finals week is something you could never comprehend with professors. Not only did it provide you a heavy workload, but them as well, and you’re not their only student.

You wish your roommate was here to tough things out with you. But she had told you on a consistent basis for the past month about this business presenting competition she’s in. She had religiously met up with her group everyday to perfect each element in their project, and deservingly made it to finals.

As this would be her last night before the final presentation against other students from other states in your country, she decided it would be best for the team to spend the night together.

Even though it didn’t comfort you in your solidarity-your body is grateful for her decision.

‘Maybe a YouTube boyfriend audio would do the trick.’ a recurring thought voiced inside your head. A soothing, deep, and attractive voice to guide you while he instructs to touch yourself when he wanted, and in the way he wanted.

A multitude of many minutes pass with your hand dove deep into your underwear, and onto your mound. You recognize your frustration only began to build as none of the videos you played online truly turned you on.

In fact you found it better when you turned the video off, and went at it yourself in the eerie silence of your apartment. Nevertheless, the awkward silence just make you feel more…awkward.

‘Maybe a video of a guy masturbating on any random porn site could help?’ I just have to find the right size, someone who’s my type, a pretty enough looking dick, and most importantly…a guy who moans melodiously through my headset.

You were beginning to think you were being picky when you couldn’t find a single video through twenty three pages. Although, you did manage to find your perfect guy at one point through it all-

You were wet and nearing the very edge, until you heard his climax- the sounds of what you heard to echo a dying horse.

Your persistent inability to relieve yourself made you think going to bed high and dry was a reasonable option. You just hoped the throbbing sensation would be gone when morning came.

It was plenty enough that you were overwhelmed and exhausted by all the work that’s consuming you, and you didn’t want to exert more energy in your poor findings.

You backslide in your chair from your pc setup, analyzing the screen and eye boggling through all the oddly named titles in a random porn site. The longer you looked the more you grew disgusted at the bothering mass of female degradation, and vulgar images of the most kinkiest kinks.

It’s something you’re used to when you visit these sites, and you hate it…yet you keep coming back.

You push your mouse toward the red x in painful shame to finish the last page of your essay off. It was simply a conclusion of what you said in previous pages.

There is apathy in the way you take your time dragging the cursor to the right corner. Just as your nearing its edge, a box grows in a highlighted beam. Like a miraculous messenger that greets you before you give up on your last hope.

It was ad feature on the website that you hadn't exactly explored yet. The ad banner read: ‘Click here to meet sexy hot masturbating adults near you!’ 18+ flashes on the side of the words with neon LED lights, and in GIF media, a man and woman on webcam rubbing themselves off with gaping mouths and wide eyes.

It would be something you would’ve previously consider if it weren’t for the fact that the strangers were near you. The local area was your college campus, a second home, and recognizing familiar faces is something you wouldn’t be able to come back from.

You’ve clicked it before just out of pure curiosity, and the link sent you to the site as promised, but the downfall for you was the requirement to make an account.

The old you from an half hour ago would’ve click the left arrow in the upper left corner and keep searching in disparity. Yet the you now is in deep contemplation, shivering at the slick beneath you on your gaming chair.

You had been grinding back and forth, and even rolling your hips for a deeper arousal. The sensation made it easy to direct your self to the the sign up page and create a profile for user StrawberryBunny1024.

Luckily for you, you’d been given the option of how close the strangers could be. It was a fairly broad spectrum you personally selected from surrounding states and regions. You’d imagine it’d be anyone’s nightmare to match with a former classmate.

With one disadvantage displaced you were thrilled to match with someone who’d shared some fiery electric orgasms with you tonight.

That was until you realized…you actually are required to turn your camera on.

You look at the screen mocking your distraught state with a, “video on please!” In honesty, you aren’t the camera shy type. However what would be captured frightened you…your bare body in all its entirety. In addition to your flustered face.

It’s the internet after all, and digital footprint is a real thing. You wouldn’t want to sabotage your chances of reaching graduation in your senior year.

Besides that point, you turned your camera on because it wouldn’t let you forth without it. A green dotted oval scans your face and a check mark approves of your identity.

Once you are let in, boxes with summarized profiles flash in your face, and a randomized match is made with someone in your selected areas. You’re quick to put on a sexy pink kitsune mask you sported in with your friends on Halloween last year.

Several minutes pass by and you already been put through the wringer. It was either you got skipped, or the guys you matched with were so forceful, and explicitly demanded you to show your pussy right then and there.

There is, once again, a pause in the randomizing. The video buffers to retain quality, but then it fully loads. The audio pitches in right after you scramble to hide further beside your chair. You find that to be the best strategy to elevate suspense. That way you could analyze the person in secret to find out what if you like them, and then you’d reveal yourself.

To your utter disbelief, the most etheral-magical- androgynous, gorgeous, princely being you’ve seen in your many days of living gave your knees a reason to not ache anymore. The prized guy to your desire’s name was…marsskywalker8.

“Hello darling, why are you hiding from me?” A masculine and soothing voice inquires, “I can’t get off to a gaming chair.” He smiles as he finds you peeking on the ground. There was nothing better in this world than a good looking man with a nice set of teeth. “I would do that in my own privacy if that was the case.”

You peer in closer with both eyes, fascinated by the way he just sits there with his face zoomed in, dapper in a black tank top-pleasantly relaxed-seated back fully in his seat-smiling as he notices your hesitation.

“Sorry... this is my first time. I never clicked on one of those…”, your voice drops in volume when you think of the right term to call this online masturbating FaceTime. “Ad thingies.”

“Ah, I see.” He smirks at the innocent nickname you've given your- ‘cyber interaction’.

He falls slightly forward to laugh playfully in a moment of silence which tears you in two. The blissful sound only made you want to cower more and hide. When he rises up again he combs his curtain bangs through his fingers, and what remains is a smile that never fell.

Suddenly a mic is brought down from his right side of the screen. In which his slender fingers engulf so tenderly. “Well…because you are new to this-the first thing you’d do is to show that you are actually human by placing yourself in the camera frame.”

Incidentally, you wave your finger up and center in the cameras view out of annoyance. You yank it down and became frightsome until you realized you’ve proved that you are in fact real, and human. “I know that! I just- it’s weird staring at myself doing…that.”

“Who says you have to put your face in the camera darling? All you have to do is drag your video to the side so you can’t see.” A lower grade of his voice in octave with the mic accessory sprinkled tingles down your spine. “Just be sure to point it down to your pussy. That’s all I need to get off.”

“O-okay.” You place the pad of your thumb over the camera, and rise above the rolling chair slowly. “I’m getting in frame now.” You continue covering the camera while you point it down to your soiled underwear.

He leans into his mic set up. “I’m sorry.” he chuckles, smoothing his hand over his face so he doesn’t smile. The man holds his face in his hand, purely amused about the whole situation. “Where are my manners? My alias name is Mars. Do you have a name you like to be called-Mrs.StrawberryBunny?”

“Yes…I do.” You look between the miffy doll by your desktop and strawberry themed set up you’ve decorated. “Bunny will work just fine.”

“Sounds perfect Bunny. It’s suits you.”

As does mars for you, because you look so otherworldly.

As you intake a deep breath, the pad of your thumb peels off the camera lens. Mars irises darken, and his eyelids lower with lust. “Are you ready for me Bunny?”

“Yes. I am now.”

He wets his plump lips, pulling out his frame to be larger and revealing his skin tight black boxers. “Just watch what I do, and listen to what I say. Mars is gonna help you cum Bunny, is that okay?”

“Yes, it’s okay Mars. I’m ready.”

You began to think submission is something Mars is into as he smirks in delight. “She likes what she sees. Does she have a name?”

“My name, again? it’s-

“No, her. Your friend covered in pink silk.”

Your body heats up when you realize he’s referring to your vagina. “I-I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Awe…what a shame. I have a friend here named Saber that’s very excited to meet her. If she’s willing to introduce herself of course.”

“Yes of course, um, I just came up with a badge it’s…” you look upon the mask you held to your face previously. “Kitsune.”

“Like the sly majestic japanese fox?”, he says intrigued. You nod slowly, regretting your top-of-the-dome thinking. “Oh my… she’s gorgeous.” He leans back and nibbles on his finger between his pretty teeth. Even more so, he gives you a nice view of his semi hard cock.

“I think Saber here thinks so too. Perhaps they should get aquatinted with one another? What do you say Bunny? Would you like to meet him as well?”

“Yes…I would love to.” Your eagerness makes Mars-or rather Saber twitch in his boxers, hardening his erection.

Mars lightly gestures the in between of his thighs. “As usual, he’s a very stand up guy.” An accidental burst of giggles come out of you mouth, and causes your visible lower half to shake. “How charming…Bunny has a sense of humor?”

“Of course I do. I told you, I’m not a robot.” You look at the screen as you wait for a response, but he just continues his mischievous smirking.

“Ice breakers help past the awkward phases. As do play dates. Let’s play with one another Bunny.”

Your breathing grows heavy in anticipation, willing to put keen effort to get what you needed. You clear your throat, preparing it to communicate in a seductive, sex-ridden voice. “What would you like to play Mars?”

“I think it’s a game we all know very well. The one you and I play with our friends here when it’s just you and them. Are you familiar Bunny?”

“…” You nod your head until you realize he can’t see your upper half at all. A thumbs up is what you provide for affirmation.

“I thought so.”

“I’d like to add a twist with Simon says. But it will be Mars says of course, and Bunny says. Does that sound fun darling?”

“Indeed it does. Would you like to do the honors of going first?”

His smile stretches and he tilts his head, chuckling in amusement. “Well of course. I have yet to teach you how it’s done after all.” He grabs his microphone from the right side again. “Mars says, rub your hands up and down your inner thighs.”

In the direct following of his command, you trace your hands up and down, breathing heavily from the small stimulation as you gain close to your heat.

“Good girl. Now, it’s your turn, and you can’t stop what you’re doing until it is your turn again, and I give you different directions. Understood?”

“Yes mars.” Your voice nearly whimpers in the end. It’s so strange how being told to touch yourself feels different than touching yourself at will. “Bunny says… lean back…lift your shirt…and touch all over your torso.”

He of course is best at his own game. Following your command without a world of trouble. His face remains neutral.

“Nicely done Bunny, I see you understand the rules of the game.”

He leans over on his desk, his lips brushing over the head of the microphone. “Mars says…set the crotch of your panties to the side, and rub onto Kitsune’s outer lips.”

You’re relieved to not torture yourself anymore, but now you were revealing a more intimate part of yourself full on. You began to rub softly, and even so it still makes you quiver. You had to get him back.

“Bunny says…massage into Sabers sack, and only through your underwear.”

He does so and throws his head back softly as it lands on a cushion. “How cruel of you Bunny.” He tilts his head back at the camera, and wet strands of dark hair falls over his face. “Mars says rub onto your clit… and do it quickly.”

Your hips buck up in the air from the instant contact. “F-fuck.” You muttered. But you keep your sportsmanship in tact. Obeying the rules of the game. “B-bunny says…bunny says….”

“What does Bunny say darling?” His voice becomes deeper and torturous. Hauling you in further into pleasure.

“Bunny says to reach inside of your underwear…touch onto Saber’s head…a-and rub your thumb up and down the middle. Quickly!”

A grunt sounds out as soon as he began to put his ministrations to action. There’s nothing but a mix of moans, whimpers, and groans between the both of you.

“Ungggh…Bunny, darling I-“

You flutter your eyes open and whine when your legs began to quake, nearing the long awaited ending. “Yes, Mars?”

“Does your friend have any toys you like to share together?”

“You mean like…augh…my dildo?”

“Yes. That’s perfect bunny. Mars says go get your dildo, and wait for my next command.”

“Fuck, Mars please. I need to cum.”

“You will darling I promise, I’m close too. Just do I say, and I’ll get you there.”

“Let me just cover the camera first.” He nods in approval painfully continuing your cruel command. You press your thumb over the lens and lean over to toss your thrown oversized tee onto the camera.

You rummage through the shoe box under your bed, flinging out your clear toy dildo.

You sit back down in your chair unto the sweat that has gone cold, but it soon warmed up again with what was pouring from you now. Mars tucked his lips releasing them from time to time and pant short breaths of air.“I’m back Mars…are you alright?”

“Yes but, just… please! He beckons with a weakening voice. “Do your Simon says.”

“Oh right, Sorry! Bunny says you can take a rest.”

He throws his hand in the air, twitching from an approaching orgasm. “Mars says we can take a rest from this game as well. There’s something else I want to try with you darling.” He turns his chair to face front again, making unmoving eye contact.

“With this being your first time, I’m guessing you got so sexually frustrated that you resorted to this as a last choice…and you want to cum so badly right now right?”

“I’ve tried everything mars, and nothing I did made me as wet as I am now. Thanks to you.”

“I wouldn’t thank me just yet. There’s plenty more to come.” He gives you a small smile before moving out of frame. A few seconds later he comes back with a pocket pussy in hand.

“The prices I would pay just to feel you right now.” He grabs a bottle of lube which was growing sticky in his pre-cum with every touch. “Hold that for just a minute darling.” Mars pours the small remainder in the bottle on his cockhead. He hitches his breath as it twitches from the cool contact.

You can only watch there stunned, sitting there, hand limp in carrying the clear dildo.

“We can see each other right? But there’s limitations on what we can feel.” Mars rubs his hand over himself thouroughly from the base, then the shaft, and to the tip. He even treated you a bit, adding the gloss to his lower abdomen. “So let’s just pretend hmm? Your soaking wet pussy, and my long hard dick.”

He begins to hover the pocket pussy over his cock, and you do the same with your dildo. You had a natural lube good enough that sticky webs formed between your fingers.

You use some of it to cover the dildo, providing yourself as much slip as possible. “You are so hard hwa, I don’t think you can bear it any longer, just fuck me.”

“Fuck, you’re such a slut Bunny. Talking to me like you’re in control.” He hovers the pocket pussy over himself closer, waiting for your cue.

“Push my cock all the way in, and put that pussy juice to good use for me darling, I know you can take it.”

You push it in with no time wasted, and your toes curl within every hilt. It slipped so deep you felt it nearly bypass your cervix. “You’re so deep, and you feel so good.” A long drop of your cream spills from your hole to the underside of the dildo.

Mars’s adam apple bobs hardly as he watches it cascades down on the sides, coming to a full shiver when it hits your floor. “Mars?” He tilts his head up and smiles when he sees you obediently trying to keep the dildo inside you as it began to lose friction against your slick.

“Yes darling I’m here, go on, fuck on your dildo like good little slut.” He begins to play pump his his toy halfway down his girth, twisting it in a 180 degree motion and back.

As soon as you began to follow, you fall apart easily. Whining and crying for your dear life. “More. Call me more names Mars, I love it. I love being your good little slut.”

“Who knew you had a thing for being degraded from how shyly you spoke when I tried to get you into a camera. Now look at you, crying over dick as you beg to be called a slur. What a dumb little toy you are.” he grunts.

You take the pleasure from that as an opportunity to twist the tip of the dildo into your hole, shuddering as it grazes over your sweet spot. “Please keep talking, I’m so close hwa!”

“Fuck your naughty. Let me shut you up. Go faster darling- all I want to hear is you cry for mercy.”

He begins to speed up his fist, tip to base. He tries to maintain contact with you to elevate your high, but it looks like he’s fighting sleep from how often his eyes roll in the back of his head from the overwhelming pleasure.

“Ah fuck, fuck fuck. I can’t- hwa, it’s too fast, I can’t keep up.”

Mars laughs loudly without hesitation-right in your face. “Oh shut up, you whore. You could keep up with your dirty talk. Don’t act like you didn’t do this to yourself dear. Now, I want you to go even faster.”

“Yes sir, m’sorry sir.” You proceed to go even faster, squirming and squinting in your chair as you resist the urge to pull out from the too good feeling of overstimulation.

Mars is on the other side of the camera breaking out heaves of sweat from his head to the curved v lines on his hips. He finally submits to closing his eyes and smiles widely like he’s passing into the next promised paradise of life.

“Wait, oh Mars-fuck!” The camera heightens from you slipping in the chair, then the tip of your toe kicks it further upward.

You had no clue however that your entire body was in frame. Your webcam wasn’t even in your view. With your eyes cloudy from tears and your back arched, you were more focused into making this experience worth your time.

“Holy fuck, you’re gorgeous. Why would you try to hide such a blessing from me?”

You thought in that moment he was praising the beauty of your pussy in which has become well acquainted with, and so you just plead your case. “M’sorry, I’m so sorry Mars.”

He whines with a small shriek, faltering in his ministrations of taking himself all the way. He shivers everytime he takes glances at your adoring features in which you still have no clue are unconcealed.

“Fuck, you’re getting wetter with every thrust darling. Let’s finish this off together and go all the way. My obedient little slut deserves it anyhow.”

He grins wickedly as he watches you plunge the dildo in you without any wasted time.

“Are you fucking close baby? Please tell me you are, because I can’t hold it for another fucking second!”

“Yes Mars I’m- I’m so, aughhh!” You release the cum covered dildo from your heat and fall backwards-limp in your chair. You’d allow yourself to rest as you were still shaking in aftershock.

Mars cums spurts like a water gun onto the meat of thighs. If you weren’t so high right now, you’d see the tear drop that could be mistaken as sweat, but really, that’s how much you’d affected him.

A unexpected knock on the door causes Mars to stumble in his chair, immediately turning off his video and throwing everything into a safe space. “Give me just a minute!”

“Mars!?” You breath out, dropping the dildo in hand to click out of the live chat. ‘Your call with marsskywalker8 was ended.’

…

‘Of course’, you thought. You’re not sure what you were expecting from a site where people use each other to get off. Who in their right mind would have casual conversation after cumming online with a stranger?

You hit x and shut your desktop down to clean yourself in shame. As you got up your ass stuck up the seat from your sticky orgasm, the best you ever had- which is why it’s a shame things ended so abruptly.

With the random select of strangers in your country, it probably take a billion masturbation sessions, to reach him again. Not that you would want to do it again with anyone else though.

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THAT VERY NEXT MORNING…

“Good Afternoon, sleepyhead! Wakey wakey!”

Your eyes flicker open rapidly when you hear your roommate's familiar voice. You click the power button on the side of your phone and it’s 2PM. A flash memory record of Mars and your homework creeps in your head. Your homework that you think you submitted with a conclusion.

“Hmm?” You say groggily, looking tiredly disgusted at the slob stain wetted on your sheets.

“Look at me, straight one.” Your roommate says while snapping.

“Why is it that you make fun of me in my sexuality as the gay one?” When you throw your cover off and sit up on the ledge, your eyes dart toward a golden trophy she places on your lap. “You fucking got 1st place?”

“This bitch and her incredible team got first place! Whoop whoop!” Your roommate prances around your dorm doing the gagnam style of all dances in victory.

You cover your mouth in surprise from her ridiculous bust-a-move, but also from the relieving news. “Oh my god congratulations Dixie. I told you, sometimes being stress gets you blessed.”

She smiles widely and jumps on your bed to cuddle you in a comforting hug.“You’ve been so supportive honestly, even while I was a deadbeat roommate.”

“Oh please, you had your reasons. You caught up on finals?”

“One more this week and I’m through, statistics.”

“Hmm remind me to retake that class in our next and final semester.”

“Fucking A-men….Oh that reminds me!” In excitement she pulls apart from you and gets on her knees to grasp your hands. “The team and I are going out for dinner later to celebrate, and I wanted to bring you with me…as a plus one.

You groan heavily, drained from the thought of going out. “Dixieeeeee. You know my social skills are at an all time low right now.”

“Nora will be there.” She looks at your slight smile but you don’t fully give in. “Food will be there?”

“You and Nora…” you say lowly. “will be the cuntiess business woman of all time. You both know how to plead your case with someone, and always win.”

“Fuck yes!” She gets on her feet quickly to give your forehead a kiss. “I love you girlie!”, she squeals.

“Please stop, that’s so out of character!”

Later in the day you both dress casual for the occasion. Dixie picks up her girlfriend Nora in the way who gives you a French greeting in the car, and right after, her and Dixie move into a French kiss.

You loved their love. You felt like a child riding in the backseat, admiring the way your parents love another, and wish for the same.

On the way to the restaurant you were informed of the two males that complete their business team. You were very eager to meet them. You were eager to meet anyone who tolerated Dixie.

“Okay this is the place. Hongjoong and Seongwha are waiting at the table inside.” Dixie says to you, smiling to ease your nervousness.

When you walk in you immediately feel the calm, yet bustling excitement of the restaurant. For the most part the people that are seated are a gathering of friends-celebrating or hanging out.

You were mindfully following Dixie and Nora as she directed you to the table, and that’s when you heard her say, “Wassup business team #1 champions!”

A small uproar of cheers and claps sound throughout the group. It hardly brought little to no disturbance to the other guests.

“I hope you guys don’t mind but I brought an extra out tonight. This is my roommate and the best goddamn friend I could ever ask for, Y/n.”

Your heart beat grows faster as you look at the men you’ll be accompanying this evening. There was Hongjoong and….FUCKING Mars?

Or as your friend like to call him, ‘Seonghwa’.

“Nice to meet you both.”

Hongjoong says the same and formally introduced himself. Seonghwa nods at him casually, and then smirks over to you.

“We’ve heard a lot about you.” He finally spoke. “I’m glad we have the chance to finally meet one another.” You nod and Blink thrice at Dixie, giving her your friendly signal. Code red.

“Hey-uh, we’re gonna use the ladies room real fast. It was a long ride. We’ll catch up with you guys in a few!”

Dixie grabs your arm and arm as Nora was on the other side. As a team they cornered you on a sink from both sides.

“Just tell me now” Dixie complained. “Do you wanna fuck him?”

“Dixie!” Nora lightly slaps her on the wrist as they were still united arm in arm. “Damn, why do you have to be so forward?”

“Well?” Dixie relentlessly imposes.

“It’s not like that! I was just looking at Seongwha because he was looking at me!”

Dixie’s brow raises up in amusement and he squints her berating eyes right into your face. “Who said anything about Seongwha?”

You look to her partner in arms, your other best friend. Who also happened to be the scapegoat to Dixie’s interrogations. “Noraaaaa?” you whined.

She looks to Dixie and shrugs her shoulders. “It’s a reasonable question that should be given a reasonable answer.”

You deflate your cheeks with a defeated breath, scoffing with a shattered heart of betrayal. “I saw the look in your eyes before you introduced me. I knew you were plotting something.”

“Well then let me just get straight to it then”, Dixie admits. “Why are you giving him the fuck me eyes?”

“Fuck you Dixie, stop it.”

“We could make it happen…just saying.”

“You guys. You point to them both with a lowered peace sign. Can help me. You point to yourself. Sway a- male species?”

Dixie scoffs and lightly pushes your shoulder upheld by your hand pressing into the sink. “I wasn’t gay all my goddamn life d-lover.”

“I’m pansexual, you know that.” Nora added.

“I do have a few cards up my sleeve still…never forget it.”

“Fine. I have the fuck me eyes,” you mutter with a small grunt. I would like your guys help.”

“What was that? I’m sorry…”

You flip up your middle finger. “Dickhead Dixie.” You run off right after, knowing she was more of a heavy weight champ than you were.

“Nuh uh! Come here, you little shit.” You feel a strong hug from bundle you from behind, and another pair of arms hugging you both. “We got you. Don’t worry.”

…

“Alright sorry fellas, the scissoring convention is over now”, Dixie privately announces, pulling out a chair for Nora.

“How the hell did you manage to maintain your professionalism during that presentation again?” Hongjoong asks, truly wondering in his genuine curiosity.

“Well it’s just like before I came out the closet. Fake it till you make it man.”

“Alright what are we having for dinner?”, Seongwha intercepted, clearly unamused. “The chicken parm sounds appetizing.”

“Yeah that and the garlic cheesy bread.”, you unknowingly added.

“Mmmm okay, we’re being bombarded by the Italians.” Dixie suddenly joked. She wouldn’t allow a moment of uncomfortable silence for you to bear, and that’s why she was your best friend.

“What will you be having Nora dear?” Dixie throws her arm casually around her girlfriend, giving the side of her temple a kiss as they go over the menu.

“I’m going with…the chicken tenders and fries basket.”

“Sounds great”, Dixie agreed. “Simplicity is best.”

“Looks like we’re being bombarded by sticky finger tablet kids now.”, you snickered in retort.

“Cocomelon! Seongwha chirped followed by the xylophone instrumental played after in the intro.

“You’ve got that down to a T, Mr.Park.” Dixie jived with a grin.

“You know Seonghwa likes to be a baby with legos and animal crossing in his free time.” Hongjoong added in.

Seongwha’s jaw shifted sides. You cover a smile under your hand, You didn’t say anything but you found it adorable. Every bad boy has a soft side.“Can a baby throw a baby sized man’s laptop overboard in the river?”

“Yeah, okay.” Hongjoong scoffs, seeming just a little visibly upset. “Like you can even throw that far.” Hongjoong folds in his arms at his sides, flailing his arms to intimate Seongwha’s throwing skills.

Seongwha’s stirring up his next comeback and ready to pounce, well, until Dixie had her words to share.

“Boys, boys, settle down. Save some testerone for the gays hmm?”

“Next thing you know they’ll be having a dick sword fight on the table.” Nora taunted, speaking loud enough for the two men to hear.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa groan and end their bantering right then and there. Nora and Dixie fist bump, you hear a “works every time” in whispers.

“Waiter, over here please!”, Hongjoong calls aloud.

…

You guys get some dessert after more gay jokes, poking fun at Seonghwa, and Dixie throwing random shots of spotlight on you so you can get familiar.

Little did you tell her how familiar you were already. Seonghwa had kept his mouth shut, he believed it was a matter you talk about some other time, or maybe never at all again.

As soon as their raspberry cheesecake cake arrives for dessert, Nora and Dixie head out for the night.

“It’s been a pleasure dude and dudettes, but me and this fine babe are heading to her place for the night.” A padded smack from Dixie causes Nora to jolt forward. She maintains her composure, unlike Dixie, she doesn’t like public attention.

“Let’s hang out like this more often, all together. Tonight was fun guys, see ya.” Nora chirped.

The two went to leave, playing on an act to their mischievous plan.

“Oh, uh Seongwha!” Dixie sputtered. “You mind taking Y/n back home- or your place is cool too. Just please make sure she safe, alright?”

“Yeah, of course. She’ll be safe with me whatever she decides. For the first time that night he initiates eye contact. “If that’s fine with you too…”

“Mhmm, yeah, that’s fine.” You nod throughout each word.

“Okay then, it’s settled! Hasta luego mi amigos, and buena noches!”

“That’ll be it for me too!” Hongjoong says while throwing on his jacket. “I think I’ll go home and play with some beats to wind down for the night. Nice to meet you again y/n.” He gives you a small small wave and pushes in his chair. “I hope to see you sometime soon.”

“Later, baby.” He sneaks in, balling his fist and wiping his eyes at Seongwha.

Seonghwa scoffs as he judges his friends childish behavior. “Enjoy making those beats tonight, it’ll be the last track you ever hear. Man baby.”

When you’re alone, you and Seongwha pick at your dessert in silence. His slice of strawberry shortcake, and your square of tiramisu.

“You wanna head out now too?”, he firstly speaks.

You look to him through your lashes, pausing with a piece of dessert on your fork. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

“My place is cool?”

“Yeah, um, sounds cool.”

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

LATER ON THAT NIGHT…

Thankfully Seonghwa’s place was reachable in walking distance. You had plentiful ideas in mind, but not a single plan that seemed successful.

“You know…” Seongwha mutters. “Dixie talks about you a lot. If I hadn’t known Nora, I’d think you were her girlfriend.”

You cackled at the thought, and even if you found that noise a bit embarrassing, Seonghwa had been all ears. “In what universe? She pokes fun at me for being straight all the damn time. Me and Nora though…we’d have a better chance.”

“Oh? Wouldn’t Dixie be enthused to hear that shit.” You give him a slight elbow jab, leaning into his part of the sidewalk. “The both of you are like her diamond in a rock. I’d imagine she’d hate choosing between you two.”

“It’ll never happen, she doesn’t have to worry. She’s like that for Nora and I too, you know?” Seongwha actively listens with a hum. “Say um…”your voice trembles, “do you live on campus?”

“No I don’t actually. I attend the university here, but they don’t offer as good of business courses as they do on your guys campus. So I signed up for dual enrollment, and that’s why I was in the competition.”

“So you’re a business major too huh? I swear it’s like you guys are some sort of zodiac sign or something. “You all behave...” you pretend to think as you see Seongwha avert his powerful gaze towards you. “Strangely.” You say slowly.

“Wow…that kinda hurts to hear. He sulks, holding his hand where his heart is. You haven’t even met me until today, and now I’m strange?”

Your smile falls and you blink away because you began to feel bad. (In both ways) “Don’t take it too hard, I love a good sense of humor. It breaks the ice when talking to someone new.”

Holy fuck you sounded just like him from the other night. And you didn’t even realize it until it slipped your mouth.

“Dixie’s got it worse than you, so I’ll live,” he chucked. What are you majoring in anyhow?”

“Gen Arts.” You say sheepishly, holding back a chuckle of your own.

“Wait, wait, wait. You give me shit for being a business major but your in general arts? Do you know how moody you guys are!”

“Oh screw you! But no, seriously, that’s like a complete contrast from a business major. We actually have empathy for others.”

“Okay…you know what?”

“Mhm?”

“You’ve might’ve got me on that one! But I for one, am not like all the others.”

You push him into the street without the oncoming traffic, a tired groan spills from your mouth. You walk ahead of him, smiling as you swing your arms.

“Okay see, now you and Dixie are on the same level!”

…

Once you enter Seonghwa’s apartment, you fall to silence after all the heavy-felt chitter chatter.

Seongwha puts up his coat, takes off his shoes, and wanders off as he keeps talking about a new subject with upmost excitement.

You’re frozen and too entranced in the exact detail of his pc set up across the room. The microphone on the right side, along with many cute action figures of legos and animal crossing figures on the wall. Hongjoong wasn’t joking about that part after all.

“Hey y/n…you okay?!” Seonghwa yells from another part of the apartment in concern.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” You slowly inch closer to his desktop, smoothing your hands on the top of the mic where his soft lips purred the most filthiest words.

“Oh. Did you hear what I said?”

“No uh, sorry I was checking out your collection. Wha’cha say again?”

You hear rummaging and stumble just when you thought Seonghwa was close by. “Did you want anything to drink? A water maybe?”

“Nah I’m stuffed. Thanks though.” You slowly slip your fingers off one by one. You were afraid even the slightest move could trigger your clumsiness , and have to face Seonghwa running in here to save his precious belongings.

“Could you come here real fast? I need your help with something!”

“Uh yeah? ‘m comin.”

You search in every room until you found him which didn’t take long. Of all places you’d thought he be the bedroom would be the last you would want .“Hey…what’s up?”

“Hey”, he says with a blatant tone. His face looked even more blatant which made you feel uneasy. “I know this might sound crazy but, I think we have some unfinished business."

“That does sound crazy. I’ll definitely need some elaboration.”

Could it be?

“Of course, I understand. Let me start by saying that I've never stopped thinking about you since we last spoke."

No, it couldn’t be.

“I’m sorry. what the hell are we talking about again? We just met a few hours ago. Like tonight.”

"Okay!” Seonghwa exclaims, cranking out his neck to prepare for what he was going to say, and carefully. “I guess we need a recap-we first met online, exchanged more than a few words. We introduced our crotches, played games, and oh-we came so hard, and then I got really busy, and never followed up.”

But it could be…

“How the fuck did you know it was me?” You cower in a panic. “I never even showed you my fucking face.” You fall to your knees and breathes deeply in your hands. You truly thought you were being careful.

Being the observant person he is, Seonghwa senses your sudden panic, reacting swiftly by getting down on one knee so that he is face-to-face with you. “Well, there's no need to panic. Darling…don't worry. I could just tell.”

You seperate your fingers and take a good look at Seonghwa’s detail features. He takes it as an opportunity to look in between to what he though was the most captivating eyes in the universe.

“Well how easy for you to say. I had video sex with my friends classmate, and then ate dinner with him knowing he’s the guy I had video sex with. W-what did you mean you could tell?”

His smile widens as he sees you peeking further at him. He leans in a little closer, maintaining eye contact. "Well, first off, I think it's quite an intriguing coincidence, and let me assure you that I won't tell anyone about our little secret, okay?" He waits until your small nod before continuing.

"As for how I knew it was you. I saw your face when the camera got kicked up by your legs. I know it’s a major dick move but, I couldn’t- I didn’t want to tell you. I wanted to go all the way with you. You were just too fucking beautiful to be dispensed out of my memory forever.”

You slowly uncover your face and your eyesight immediately goes to his lips. “Fucking hell.” Shit, I knew it was too risky.” You look at his eyes again, which are now on your lips. “I can’t believe I’m saying this fucking bullshit but I’m glad it was you.”

Seonghwa’s eyes light up and he makes the hesitant move of putting his palms on your redden cheeks. He leans in even closer, his gaze filled with warmth, and understanding. "You know what?"

“Yeah…?” He grins mischievously, before leaning in slowly, giving you ample time to pull back if you wanted to. "I'm glad it was me too. And you know what else? I think we should make up for lost time."

“You mean-you mean you wanna-

“Yeah, I wanna. I want to have sex with you. I want to feel you completely, and for real this time.”

“You promise to treat me like a good little slut?”, you whisper, gaining proximity to his lips like they were a love spell.

“Only if you behave like one.”

You move to smash your lips shirt his in a sloppy tongue kiss. Although touch was a firsthand experience, your feelings weren’t. He taps your thighs, urging you to wrap your arms around what you found to be a very slender waistline.

He was caught off guard by the sudden kiss, but he quickly adapts, wrapping his arms around you and kissing you back with enthusiasm. As the two of you pull apart, he smiles against your lips, gently the apples of your cheeks. "Okay my good little slut”, he murmurs.

Seonghwa lifts you both up on his feet and tosses you on the bed. He grabs onto the hem of your boyfriend fitted jeans, unfastening them and taking them swift off your body.

“It’s been a while since I checked on kitsune hm?” He takes off your jeans and undergarments swiftly. “As gorgeous as she was before. Looks like I didn’t get catfished.”

You found it amusing, snickering under his chest. ‘So much for being real and human,’ you thought.“How’s Saber? Standing up like usual?” You raise your bare feet, smoothing it over the tightness in his jeans.

He tsk, taking your wrist in his hold and throwing your arm to the side. “Now we’re not off to a good start now are we? I really wanted to take it easy with you, but it seems like you like to do things the hard way.” He leans into your ear and teasingly takes a nibble. “What’s your safe word?”, he whispers.

“Strawberry,” you playfully whispered with a giggle.

Seongwha bites his lip as he nods in with a groan pulling away from your ear.

He inserts and curls his finger inside the cunt. At first it started with a few strokes, but then he full fledged fucked you on them as he pulls and pushes them in and out.

You whine loudly the pleasure, but you stay obedient, unwavering your wide open thighs from his head.

Seongwha notices your loyal submissions and gives you a mischievous grin. “There she is. The little slut I directed about a week ago.“What’s your safe word?”, he repeats.

You shake your head. You’re not ready to say it, you know it’s a trick. A test. You don’t want this to end.

“Good fucking girl.” He attaches his mouth onto your clit with his fingers now slowly dragging in the top of your walls. You feel the tip of his tongue flick your bean- causing your hips to jerk in immediate response.

As your moans grow louder his tongue swivels faster like a snake on the hunt. Accumulating all the slick ‘til the peak of your shaking orgasm.“That feel good my little tasty slut?”

“M-mhmm. It felt-fucking great.” You try to sit up but Seonghwa climbs to meet your face with his. “It would be dishonorable of me to not return the favor.”

He takes his cum covered fingers and shove them in your mouth. “Be quiet now, my sweet darling. Your debts have already been paid.” He pulls his fingers out slowly, slicking them down his torso until it reaches the cum outside his boxers.

“Shit. That’s so hot.”

“It is getting a bit warm in here hm? Maybe I should lighten up a little on the garments. Saber is in need of some air way.” Seongwha races in his pants to grab a condom in his wallet.

You watch the whole showcase of him slipping it on slowly so he wouldn’t grow tender from the simulating pain. When he’s finished, you reach to him like it was the first real piece of gold you’ve ever seen. His cockhead twitches.

“In sorry but…” he smacks away your eager hand, “kitsune gets first dibs. After all, they have yet to formally meet. So therefore Saber…Kitsune. Kitsune…he pushes your legs back aligning himself with your heat as he smiles at your genitals…Saber.”

Your toes spread from his insertion, and they close in from when he pulls back in and practice his penetrations. He was searching your face for discomfort, he wanted to take you there, and you were smiling widely giving him a positive sign that it was all okay.

He leans into you until your pelvis’s touch. He then begans thrusting at a lethal angle, killing your from the inside.

You began to feel every nerve in your thighs in legs tremble to uphold themselves in good strength. Seongwha was taking it all out of you, and it didn’t help when he separated your legs to get closer to your core.

Added ecstasy was released as he grabbed your jaw and claimed your lips for his taking. He was such a good fucking kisser. Even if you weren’t kissing back it would feel so passionate.

His hand begans to slip behind your neck and he lunges your body forward. Unknowingly doing damage to himself as you as your pussy clamps onto his dick, and your walls suction to be immovable and tightening.

“Fuck. I’m so fucked, darling. I don’t want to upset you but, I’m gonna cum, and it’s gonna be fast and hard.

“Do it hwa. Do it while you’re inside me, i’m beat there with you.”

He follows your direction like a game of Simon says. He adds the intense pleasure of massaging your overly stimulated clitoris, making it bloom in arousal.

Soon enough you came with more shakes and shivers to your nerves. So the extra movement and clamping didn’t leave Seongwha too far behind. He was whining and his arms were weak from being used and upheld for some time.

He twist his body so he fell next to you, discarding his condom into his trash as you both caught your breaths.

He rolls over and analyzes you with pure admiration, and your eyes had easily met with his because you were both thinking the same thing.

“You’re so fucking beautiful. I want to take you with me, and carry you everywhere in my pocket.”

“Dual enrollment is good of you wanna take a few extra classes you might need”, you tease with a wink.

“I have a degree in sexology if you need a few credits. We also offer private lessons free of cost. Seongwha swiped his thumb on your bottom lip. “I suggest Brat Taming 101.”

Your bottom lip stretches slightly downward as you openly smile. “Would that make me a teacher’s pet if I get any specialized treatment?”

“Well you are bunny after all. What choice would I have not to?”

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

A/N: Pheeewww how ya’ll feelin…it’s hot.

Thank you for reading,

Much love

xoxo

PLEASE DO NOT COPY MY ORIGINAL WORKS, reblogs are appreciated and accepted. Stealing and modifying my work or publishing out on other platforms is not.

©️1117feverlessdreams, 2024

[formosusiniquis]

sandra bullock eat your heart out

inspired by this post and the tags by @stevieharringtonwifeguy

Without putting too fine a point on it, Eddie wasn't exactly the type to watch beauty pageants. They didn’t really think about them, didn’t really care about them, didn’t really realize they were even still a thing outside of sitcom plotlines from the 90s about women’s self image. What Eddie was was extremely online. And when Twitter went fucking batshit because a plus sized transwoman had the nerve to be talented enough to make it to the Miss America competition; they figured they should support the home team -- or whatever shit Wayne says when the wrong horse boys makes it to the big football game.

So sure, they expected her to be pretty. It is in the name. Imagined she’d be good looking in that classic, sort of boring way. A blonde with a nice smile, a fucking button nose. A non-threatening, homegrown sort of beauty. It being the internet complaining, they kinda also figured plus size meant a size 2 dress and a C cup. 

They couldn't in their wildest dreams picture the woman who would appear on their TV, when they finally figured out where they could even watch the damn thing. Statuesque with a squared jaw and swimmers shoulders, moles dot her face and neck, it looks like her nose has been broken before. Plush thighs and a biteable ass fill out a royal blue evening gown, when she smiles it’s like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.

Alone in their apartment, Eddie has no one to scream the thoughts ricocheting in their brain at. It leaves them with nowhere to turn but the place that got them here to begin with.

The Eddie Munson ✔ @CorrodedEddie

I'm used to people having bad taste but at this point I'm wondering if we're even watching the same thing

The Eddie Munson ✔ @CorrodedEddie

Miss Indiana is the most beautiful woman I've ever seenThe Eddie Munson ✔ @CorrodedEddie

How do I do the added context thing, i need to make a note on some posts. Reader’s noted: User is actually a sad loser who’s cockroach wifed themselves and can’t appreciate what’s in front of them

Read the rest on AO3 cause this baby has formatting

[its-a-show-stoppin-number]

The AFC Richmond boys at the beginning of season three:

Dani: God, Trent Crimm is so scary. You were right

Roy: We have to talk about the things he could use to pull us apart

O’Brien: Okay, erm, I have been banned for my lifetime from Lake Ontario. Don't ask

Isaac: Okay. What else do you have?

Jan: My fear of pears

Everyone else:

Isaac: Okay, you're afraid of pears

Jan: And pear-shaped people

Isaac: Uh, that’s interesting

Jamie: I'm not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words

Colin: The doctors say I might grow another 18 inches

Isaac: That's a different image of you. I'm gonna get past that. I'm past it

Bumbercatch: The moon landing…which is obviously fake—

Isaac: No, it's not obviously fake. What? Are you crazy?!

Bumbercatch: The moon landing’s definitely fake by the way. The shadows are off!

Roy: No, they’re not!

Bumbercatch: Uh, yes they are, I looked at photos on the internet

Sam trying to calm everyone down: Bumbercatch, that’s—

Bumbercatch: The shadows are off!

Isaac: The shadows are not off! Those photos are photoshopped—

Bumbercatch: That’s not true!

Roy: People do that as a joke to trick stupid people!

Bumbercatch, sarcastically: Oh, yeah, you can just photoshop stuff—

Dani: Wait a minute… He’s doing it already, he’s getting in our heads!

Jamie: Unbelievable, good call

Isaac: Okay, this is good. Let’s keep going

Roy: I totally agree, okay

Richard: I’m definitely sexually attracted to ladybugs

Isaac: …Okay

Dixon: I’m weirdly good at volleyball

Colin: I believe horses are from outer space

Will: I believe that too!

[herejusttosufferalong]

Regarding the topic of Luke doing some sort of gratitude/celebration post for Nicola at the end of the press tour, I hear lots of people making the argument that it’s “just social media” and therefore doesn’t matter. Not trying to beat a dead a horse, but I have to respectfully push back on this particular argument.

This blog and many others are dedicated in large part to the dissection of the most minute aspects of L, N, and A’s social media behavior. “Which exact posts did Luke unfollow on Jade’s account?” “How many minutes after N’s post did A post on TT?” I mean, we were all losing our goddamn minds for a hot second about a still from “Ratatouille” 😂. If social media behavior doesn’t matter, than what the hell are we doing here?

I take the point that we can never know what is going on behind the scenes between L and N. But I don’t think it’s fair to give importance to all this other SM behavior and then say in the specific instance of Luke’s lack of acknowledgement of N that it’s “just social media.” It WOULD matter to the fans if his posted his appreciation, I think it would be a smart move for him in terms of his public image, and (even though I think neither Nicola’s self-image or fundamental opinion of Luke is hinging on it) I think you’re not being honest with yourself if you insist that it wouldn’t mean something (and potentially quite a lot) to Nicola Coughlan, Queen of the Internet, to receive that kind of acknowledgement from him publicly.

Listen, I get it and to a certain degree agree with your argument here.

However, I'm not surprised by L's SM inaction. It's pretty baseline for him atp.

Would I have preferred to see an appreciation post with thanks attributed to N, cast and crew? Of course.

But look at how the man was absolutely shit on by so called fans for the "5 years" post.

I honestly don't blame him for posting as little as possible if for nothing else but to protect his peace.

At the end of the day we as the fans are owed nothing, and when the loudest within the fandom are fucking assholes, nothing is exactly what we will get.

Hopefully we can change that 💜🥃

[zahri-melitor]

If you want to read comics and you want to test the waters:-

Yes, RCO and clones exist, everyone uses them, I do it weekly too for titles I cannot access any other way (The Warlord) but let me tell you, it’s not the only option, particularly if you want to read reasonably modern comics back issues rather than deliberately suppressed obscure stuff. Plus, don’t you want to look at comics without worrying about getting viruses?

Your Local Library: your library probably has comics as trade paperbacks, and inter library loan will have more. It’s not the most consistent way to find things, but you should definitely look them up, there’s probably something there you’d be interested in reading. Good for having multiple presses, and most take suggestions for their collections, which is a slow but free way to read titles with highly detailed art like Wonder Woman Historia in person.

Digital libraries: my local libraries have ComicsPlus subscriptions, which I can use for free. Now you won’t get DC or Marvel on them, but BOOM!, Dark Horse, Image, Oni Press, Papercutz? All options. A really helpful way to easily sample other presses.

Internet Archive Library: the IA is again going to have an eclectic collection and be difficult to search, but it’s there and it has a lot of stuff and you’re not going to be worrying about computer viruses.

DCUI: if you’re in US, UK, Canada, AU or NZ, you can get a DCUI account. There’s a free trial available of course, and if what you’re interested in trying was published more than 6 months ago, you don’t even need to shell out for Ultra. It costs me less than a Netflix subscription per month, even for Ultra. There’s also a small handful of comics you’ll be able to access for free without ANY subscription - essentially advertising for new runs etc.

MU: just like DCUI, only Marvel, and available more places. Also runs on a subscription model. MU also has the quirk that you can manage digital ownership of individual issues also through their app (if you buy Marvel floppies there is a mechanism to obtain a legal digital copy within ~6 months of the publication date)

Local Comics Shops: you can also…buy floppies and trade paperbacks for yourself. If you really love a story and it’s out in trade, I highly recommend buying it for yourself to have forever. It just sidesteps so many future problems. An LCS is also more likely to have a back catalogue of titles available - if you’re looking for a trade published 8 years ago, they might have it while an ordinary bookshop won’t. If you’re less certain, events like Free Comic Book Day and Batman Day are largely a marketing exercise more than new original material these days, but they’re also a good way to get to handle and own actual comic books if you’ve never done that before.

Other bookshops: if you don’t have a local bookshop with a specialist comics and manga collection (I do) it’s going to be a bit like trying to find comics at your local library: you’ll see lots of stuff with Batman and Joker in the title, and a random selection of anything else. Sometimes you can get surprisingly good deals from them as collectors are less likely to use them to get titles.

Overstock/Remainder Sellers: always worth a look, particularly if you’re trying to pick up titles printed several years ago. My local one has found some absolute gems for me, at a significant discount (I have picked up parts of Dixon’s Nightwing run, Bennett’s Batwoman run, Rowell’s Runaways, some Wonder Woman trades from Rucka and Perez, Gotham Central, I just managed to get the second n52 Blue Beetle trade…)

EBay/second hand shops/Abebooks/Biblio: a decent way to measure what the actual value of a comic title is on the second hand market. Sometimes you can find that the market value is far lower than you expected (Cassie’s Wonder Girl series is remarkably affordable). In other occasions you realise DC is leaving a LOT of money on the table by not reprinting (look up Red Robin trade prices and weep).

Friends: do you know anyone else who likes comics? They may already own stuff they can loan to you! (Once I lent out my Birds of Prey collection to a friend and he returned it with the first two n52 titles added. Still unsure if that was meant to be a kindness or just letting me store them)

[majaloveschris]

Hi Maja.

First of all, your blog is one of the only ones I’ve always felt was sincere, on point, respectful, and not toxic. I’ve always had a good feeling about you and how you are kind despite all the toxicity on here.

That feeling has never wavered and there is a big part of me that wants you to be right and win against these ridiculous anons that seem to want to put you down.

An opinion (which I don’t claim to be fact, just some thoughts here): I see a lot of takes on here popping up from blogs that claim they have PR knowledge and claim to be experts and read and follow along the gossip, but I think nobody really knows and they can only hypothesize on what they think is the truth.

I think CE being married (by public knowledge and Wikipedia) was the main goal here. I’ve always sort of felt this, which is why I ultimately was not surprised after he did his SMA spread that he went public with Fish girl and then later on “got married.”

The reason I say this is because HW and society is very judgmental and superficial. Being single or unmarried at a certain age always raises questions whether or not it is valid to do so. I disagree with this sentiment but unfortunately the world is how it is. It happens to regular people, so why wouldn’t it apply to celebs? Especially the ones who have basically become a pop culture icon of being an eligible bachelor/desirable.

Let’s think about this. After 2019, CE was no longer under the marvel umbrella. He had to start defining his post marvel career, and then Covid hit. So many things derailed. He randomly got an IG in 2020 but people found out it had existed as an account since 2019. Perhaps it was always the plan or it was a plan hatched by his PR team to keep him in the public eye. He became relatable internet BF with a Prince Charming storyline of when will he find the one? It was almost overkill from 2020-2022.

Now it’s 2024 and he’s supposedly been with this woman since 2021. It shows longevity and then eventual commitment. He now wears a ring in public so they see him as “settled down.” That’s the image he is now portraying for the public who doesn’t dig or care to deeper in his life.

I don’t think it’s about rebranding to attract a younger audience - if so, his pr team would have realized that gen Z actually does not fare well to age gaps and the subject of grooming and etc always comes up for this hypersensitive on PC/wokeness generation. Then add on the racism and weird ass crap from her/her friends. Definitely not boding well for a generation that lives on the internet and knows how to deep dive. His PR team would have looked at how the public reacted to other relationships like this and I feel, if it was simply he was in love with her and it was real real, would have told him to keep it on the DL DL until it was absolutely certain they had walked down the aisle. At that point, there would be no turning back.

But they marketed this before that happened. They wanted to portray her as the one similar to how in movies, they want to portray a main character and love interest as meant to be even if the audience may or may not receive it that way. How many times do we hear “this movie tanked because the leads had no chemistry and the relationship they wanted us to believe was not believable?”

But ultimately, the endgoal of if CE and his wife are a good couple or not doesn’t really matter. They have achieved their goal of he is now settled down and no longer on the market. If you choose to continue to follow him, stay for his career and not his personal life. Meanwhile, her - well, they’ll keep trying to make her happen because her end of the deal was getting more visibility and breaking into the American market. That much has been clear.

But you can lead a horse to water, you can’t make it drink.

What she chooses to do with the opportunities given to her are left to be seen. Also, how the public and CE/her fanbases chooses to receive them are also left to be seen.

Will this marriage last forever? I have doubts. But I do think they considered many options and this is what they came up with. I also don’t believe CE’s actions show he is very happy with the arrangement, even less so than fish is. Because even from the subtle clues from photos and “videos” - body language does not lie.

To be fair to fish, I doubt she’s in love with him either. I think she’s getting more benefits from this because most of the negativity is being directed towards him, not her. His fans hating and harassing her are just a pinnacle of what he’s receiving from his own fanbase. Some people will disagree with me but he’s the one getting the P and G and disgusting comments and being called the worst person on earth because he married her. His own fans are turning on him and her fans can also blame him but victimize her. The general public doesn’t care too much but will say how he looks because he got with her. She remains “innocent” of any blame because at the end, she is young and he is older so he should know better. Do you see what I mean?

Meanwhile, her fans are just happy she’s getting attention and somebody to fund her poor attempts at becoming a fashion icon. She lacks in talent and work ethic but it’s an easy way for her to get engagement by being attached to him.

The day this ends and she no longer has his name will be interesting and that’s what I think his fans (remaining) are hoping for. They don’t want to reward laziness and clout chasing opportunist and I too support this. They want HIM to be better and find success and love himself more so he doesn’t continue to end up in these shitty situations. But again, he has to want that for himself. He has to want to deserve better so he can work on actually deserving of better.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone with this opinion. Just my thoughts and I support YOU. I hope things work out in the end in your favor because you are a great person and I selfishly want you to be right (haha). ❤️

I completely agree with everything that you wrote down. 

I remember seeing people criticize him for saying he wants to get married and have a family, yet he is still single and childless. As you said, it's stupid that people are being bullied and judged because they haven't already settled down, even if they wanted to. Finding a partner is hard, and finding a partner in his shoes is even harder. I obviously don't know whether he actually wants all of that, but saying he must not want all of that because he didn't do so is not right. A lot of people struggle with finding a good partner. 

I never agreed with people calling him by the P and G words. I guess these people either don't know what those words mean or are simply that mad as Chris that they feel the need to spread lies. He is not those things and never was. Yeah, 16 years is a lot, but she was a grownup when they allegedly met, and I think people exaggerate when they say she looks like a child. 

I think the reason most people are hateful towards him is because they are disappointed in him. I think most people had an idea about the person he is based on the information we had, and him being married to someone like her or even dating someone like her doesn't really fit into that. People aren't disappointed in her because most didn't even know who she was before Chris. We were just presented with her actual self, and we didn't have any expectations from her. But we had for him. 

I doubt either of them is in love with each other. Alba doesn't seem that happy or comfortable around him either. I think this is just business for both of them.

I still think he is a good man who made a terrible mistake. I just hope the best for him, to be honest, which I know is an unpopular opinion now because it seems like wanting the worst for him is what is trendy nowadays. Maybe I'm naive; maybe I'm just holding onto an image, but I don't think the last 20+ years were a lie. I hope he will prove me right. 

Thanks for writing this down and for being there. ♥

[pickmedolls]

𓉸ྀི ݁ ˖ ◜ PICK ME...OR SHOULD I SAY YUE & KIKO @ FICFEST '24 (WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?)

Despite being listed as official guests and even confirmed for a performance, the hottest group of the moment, Pick Me, was a no-show—well, sort of. This year’s FicFest Awards (@thatsofic) only saw two of the group’s members: leader Feng Yue and main dancer Kiko Mori, both there just to present awards. So, where were the other three? And why were Yue and Kiko strictly forbidden from mentioning Pick Me, not even to introduce themselves in their interviews? We’re all itching to know the truth, so let’s dive into the latest gossip, shall we?

First things first: as most of you already know, rumor has it that Pick Me is set to have a comeback in the next few weeks. But given all the chaos surrounding the promotions for their last mini-album, DOLL SUMMER, and the infamous drama between Yue and two of her members, Rosie and Jules, it’s no surprise Heartbreak Entertainment might want to keep Pick Me out of the limelight for a while—especially at a huge, high-profile event like FicFest.

What started as unproven accusations now seems an undeniable reality: there’s some serious friction (or dare I say, bad blood?) between certain members of the group. Not that it's entirely a bad thing, though. This shows the girls as real people with real personalities that, apparently, clash more than Heartbreak would like. But here's the thing: this inner tension is starting to take a toll on the group’s general image and promo work, and even Heartbreak Entertainment—famously lenient and transparent with their idols—seems to have finally hit its limit.

So, was keeping them out of the spotlight really the best move? I mean, look at us now—still talking about them, all because the full group didn’t show up at the awards.

But hey, as they say, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth! Even though Pick Me’s absence as a full group was definitely felt, Yue and Kiko totally held it together at the awards, avoiding any major drama and, shockingly, sticking to the Pick Me ban—well, mostly. The duo arrived together, both dressed to the nines and effortlessly stealing the spotlight from some of the nominees.

They rocked the red carpet, stopping to chat with Cleo and answer some fun questions, and snapped some photos at the photocall. Throughout the ceremony, they sat side by side, singing and having fun during some performances, while also mingling and taking selfies with other idols at others. When it came time to present their awards, they both delivered memorable moments. Yue dazzled everyone with her signature charisma, and Kiko was as sweet as pie, practically glowing when she handed the award to none other than the girls from Venus.

But you know what they say: a picture is worth a thousand words, so imagine twelve (three of which are high-quality videos!). Let’s dive into the girls’ posts!

YUE+FINN COLLAB (@bluwavez)

There’s nothing Yue loves more than putting on a good show, and what better way to do that than by posting a pic with none other than the officially recognized and award-winning it boy, Finn Lee? And what a photo it is! They’ve completely broken the internet with their posts, and fans are absolutely thrilled about this iconic duo. Don’t be shocked if you start seeing this particular pic as the profile photo of your Twitter moots—I've done the same.

Oh, I almost forgot! This pic was taken during EVERMORE’s performance. Very on brand for Yue, I must say.

CHIT CHAT WITH CLEO (@hausofanya)

Yue has decided to share a sneak peek from her interview with Cleo. Think of it as a little teaser before the full interview drops! While we don’t know exactly what she was asked, here’s what Yue had to say in response: “It is what it is, right? Not everyone has taste. But don’t worry, there are plenty of other awards we’ve been nominated for, and I’m sure we’ll win some of those.”

Okay, I guess it’s not too hard to guess what the question was. But what she said! Don't forget to vote for Pick Me in all those other awards we all know about.

BEHIND THE SCENES

This third photo is pretty self-explanatory. Just take a moment to appreciate her beauty and her talent for looking effortlessly gorgeous in every shot!

OUTFIT APPRECIATION

According to Yue herself, this stunning dress is from Fancì Club. It’s not the first time she’s collaborated with this brand, which has become such an essential part of her identity as an artist. It’s just so Yue! The color, the shape of the dress, the flowers—absolutely fabulous!

#YUKO 4 EVER!

You can't have a recap of the night without a pic of our two dolls! Once again, the photo speaks for itself. What’s interesting, though, is that unlike Yue, Kiko hasn’t posted any photos with her friend and leader. I wonder why.

...ANTIVILLAIN'S HANSE? (@disgracefiles)

I have to admit, this photo has left me the most shook of the six. Here we have none other than one of the hottest boys of the moment, Choi Hanse, who just so happens to be Jules’s ex-groupmate from 2LUVU. So, I guess it shouldn’t be a shock that these two know each other and seem to get along. Or should it? Given the recent tension between Yue and Jules, things are a bit muddled—especially with that half-heart gesture Yue is throwing at him!

PINK (BY PINK) MENTION

I love this little clip of Kiko's outfit! Since there's no audio, I’ll share the transcription of Kiko's response to Cleo about the dress: “I’m wearing Pink by Pink. It’s my groupmate’s very own brand, she’s literally so talented! We worked together on this dress for the last month, and I couldn’t be happier with the outcome. I think it’s so me, and I really like that.”

PD48 REUNION (@snspice & @ratedstar)

No, this is not a drill! We’ve had a Produce 48 reunion at these awards, and it was absolutely heartwarming! If you found yourself tearing up when you saw it, you’re not alone—I did too! It happens to the best of us.

Several clips have captured Kiko, SNS' Nami and Jellib's Jooe wandering around the event, hand in hand, beaming with joy. This particular photo was snapped on the red carpet, right after Kiko and Jooe sprinted over to Nami, who was busy posing with her group. They enveloped her in a hug filled with laughter and happy tears. I adore these three so much, they hold a special place in my heart!

SHE'S JUST A FANGIRL (@venusvity)

Despite everything, this has to be my favorite photo. No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you—it's a pic of Kiko holding a snapshot of our favorite it girl, Baebi. But it’s not just any photo; it’s signed! Rumor has it that Kiko approached her during one of the commercial breaks at the awards and shily asked her to sign it right then and there. Witnesses say the interaction was absolutely adorable, and Baebi was the sweetest, even inviting both Kiko and Yue to the after-party that Venus was hosting after the awards. Kiko is truly a ray of sunshine and must be protected at all costs!

EVERYONE'S FAV PRODUCER (@allta1k)

Not surprisingly, here’s a photo of Kiko with her favorite producer and friend, Heidi from Girls Talk! At this point, we all know these two get along fabulously, but fans have been over the moon to see this picture. They both look stunning and so happy to be together! Speaking of the possible future comeback of Pick Me, could Heidi be behind the upcoming songs? We certainly hope so!

BOO BORING!

There’s not much to say about this photo. Just an attempt at an aesthetic shot from the moment Kiko presented the award for Best Discography. Boo! There were a thousand ways to make this picture more interesting, but hey, nobody's perfect!

MORE PD48 (EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU KIKO)

We’re wrapping up this multimedia recap with a little clip of our three Produce 48 girls sitting together at the start of the awards. Emphasis on "start" because they later had to sit in their respective spots with their respective groups. Still, they gifted us plenty of cute moments throughout the night, from knowing glances exchanged from opposite ends of the venue to sweet little chats during commercial breaks. It’s clear that for Kiko, the highlight of the night was reuniting with her friends. Isn’t that just adorable?

[kayjaydee17]

[ID: A Tumblr search for "anal". The screen shows an official notice from Tumblr that reads, "Hold your horses! These search results are likely to contain content which does not comply with Tumblr's Community Guidelines. To help keep everyone safe we're not displaying any content here." There is a 'Learn more' button.]

I hate this.

I hate the smarmy little "to help keep everyone safe", the implication that sex and sexuality are inherently unsafe. Being shielded from seeing people getting fucked in the ass does nothing in terms of actual safety and just reinforces the "sex = bad, unsafe, dirty" attitudes that are causing so much damage to a variety of communities. (Queer communities and sex workers are the first that spring to mind.)

"But Kay!" someone cries. "There might be minors using Tumblr! Surely they should be shielding from the great evils of ass fucking!"

Tumblr now has settings that you can turn on to not see sexual content. If people don't want to see sexual content, that setting is on by default; you have to dig around in your settings to turn it off.

Also... maybe this is controversial, but if someone is old enough to be on the internet unsupervised by their parents/guardians, then they're old enough to engage responsibly. The internet is not a playground, it is not inherently a child-friendly space. Fandom is not inherently a child-friendly space, Tumblr is not inherently a child-friendly space. If minors come into these spaces, they're responsible for their own experiences. (Also, c'mon, guys. Have you never met a teenager? Many of them, including myself when I was a teen, are actively seeking out sexual content. I don't want to hear from teenagers reading my smut, but I think it's foolish to act like teenagers are paragons of purity and not currently having their bodies and brains explode with hormones.)

It just seems to insidious to imply that lack of sexuality is inherently safe, that shoving sex to dark corners and pulling a sheet over it makes everything so much safer for everyone.

It doesn't. It makes sex secret and shameful, makes it harder to talk about, makes it harder to find information, makes it harder to discover things about yourself.

And it's not just images. A search for "erotica" receives the same result: Tumblr's smarmy little warning and absolutely nothing else.

[meirimerens]

how do i get into drawing more? i've enjoyed drawing since i was a child but i never really practiced it that much and as such most of my stuff is pretty rudimentary from a technique standpoint. i only have physical supplies and i cannot afford an ipad or a drawing pad any time soon

there is no need for an ipad or a tablet if you don't already draw something expansive you don't even have to worry about that. I (and i imagine many/most artists who began drawing young) got my start on normal paper sheets the one they call "printer paper" because it's thin and textureless. Actually that might be a lie because I think that even before that I was drawing on walls so truly full circle of a thing.

The only stuff you need to draw are something To Draw With, whether it be a pencil or a pen; if it is a pencil also have an eraser, a no-bullshit rectangular eraser, I've literally never understood what the good was in the pink & blue ones beyond making holes & stamps in them, just get a normal good eraser, slightly squishy so it doesn't pull at the paper like a maniac when you use; And paper to draw in. I'd say get a sketchbook for the convenience + the chill of it all. Doesn't even have to be thicker "drawing paper" it can just be a random, lineless notebook. I like mine to have a spiral spine so I can take full advantage of the page but don't even need that. Genuinely for years this was my drawing material (+ whatever paper I found, including my school supplies)

(Staedtler eraser very good actually I've been using it for 10yrs among the better I've used if you find it get yourself one. This shit was like 1.50€ at my local papeteries and then again they mightve inflated the price)

Now I'm gonna tell you about my life because I think it colors the way I approach drawing and as such the advice I'll give you: I started drawing really young (like pre-dates knowing how to read or write) and never stopped. That means I, technically, have some 20+ years of drawing, but I still struggle with what are kinda "fundamentals". I only quite late, technically speaking, gotten into trying my hand as perspective & naturalistic anatomy. That's because I had, at the start, nothing but passion.

And that's gonna be the one piece of advice I have for you:

Get really, really into something, and start trying like the devil to get good at drawing it.

When I was a wee lad I loved horses so much (and I still do.) and all I wanted to do was get good at drawing horses so I could draw stories with horses, so I practiced drawing horses from the horse magazines i had. Around 11, I got really into manga and all I wanted to do was get good at drawing manga so I could draw my own (a lot of my actually like Formative Years of drawing was manga, and I think it's still visible especially when I draw cartoony faces these days), so I practiced drawing manga from the how-to books their were at the library (and we had actually good ones, including Japanese mangaka's translated into french). Around 14, I got really into Video Game, and all I wanted to do was get real good at drawing the characters, so i practiced from youtube tutorials & other internet finds. Nowadays I'm into art history & archeology, and go out of my way to see and grasp and understand #whateverthiswas and try to pepper it (or sometimes dump the whole bag) in my images.

If you're starting "from nothing", I feel like practicing anatomy for the sake of anatomy (for example) will just piss you off. When you get more into the groove of things, and actually want to Get Serious, you'll sit down to Actually Practice, but I personally have always found that Learning for the Passionate Goal makes the whole thing more interesting than Learning To Learn To Then Attempt The Passionate Goal.

It's gonna suck for a while. It truly will. You'll see every improvement so drastic you'll be like ewww what was that 2 months ago. But you will HAVE HAD FUN DOING IT!!!

Tldr

1) get into something. Whatever it is.

2) collect tools and tutorial to serve whatever it is you're into, and not try to get into the tools: that will come later, once you're already in the habit of drawing.

3) you don't need fancy material

4) never underestimate the power of the humble ballpoint pen and clicky pencil

5) train your brain, the muscle of your brain, to conjure up images until there is nothing you can do BUT exteriorize them lest they poison you

6) you don't have to post anything online btw. In fact, I attribute the fact that I have always loved art so much to the fact that for the first 15yrs of my life I could truly just enjoy the process and vibe. I still do, don't take me wrong, and truly I draw for myself and you're all trapped in here with me. Looking at the slop i feed you. But there is an inherent, new dimension added with Being The Blogger. So have fun and vibe.

7) the heart is the horse, the hands are the rider

[katieaki]

My ✨ post-apocalyptic Lesbian Cowgirl Mailman choose-your-own adventure✨ has just updated! Read it here for free on my Patreon and vote in the poll! There is a summary of the first part, here, the second part, here, and the third part, here. They have everything you need to know about Lou, her requited-but-complicated love, the religious assassin who just beat the tar out of her, the worst person she's ever met, and the ill-advised journey she is on! There is also now a discord where Pony Express readers from all across god's green internet can gather, here!

The Theme of the Update:

Read the update for free on my patreon & vote on what happens next! Excerpt below the cut.

“And, I know you’re not huge on me, but do you think you could tell my mama and daddy that I’m gone. Bring them a lock of hair or something. My jacket if you can swing it,” Artie said. “You don’t even have to go all the way out there, you could just write.”

The image of her crouching over Artie’s dead body to cut off a lock of hair before just leaving her there sent a chill over Lou. The fever gone, her skin cold as the clay. The light— the intensity that had frightened Lou so much— completely gone from those big, dark eyes. They’d have to try to bury her. Make a little grave marker. Holliday could write Artie’s name on it, at least. Lou had the paper she’d given her with how it was spelled. That would be something. Or maybe they could try to bring her body back with them. Wrap her in one of the tarps, maybe not the most dignity, but it’d keep her contained, at least. Between the two of them, they could probably manage to sling her body over the saddle. They wouldn’t have to worry about her comfort, she guessed. The horses wouldn’t like the smell of death, but Lou could probably keep them calm enough. Lou could get Artie’s remains back to her mother, the shrinemaiden. It’d be an unpleasant surprise for her, but Lou supposed that’s how it was gonna be, one way or the other, when your child is in Knife Church. Lou wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye; the shrinemaiden had been so kind to her when hardly anyone else seemed to even notice she was alive. She’d hate to see her cry, especially when Artie’s death was all Lou’s fault.

“I can’t write,” Lou said. Her mouth felt sandy.

“Oh yeah. Just as long as it gets back to them. You can– you should– tell them the whole deal. They should know that I fucked up.” Her voice cracked again and a couple of tears rolled out of her closed eyes.

“If you’re fixing to die–”

“They should know what I was, after all, after everything,” Artie said, crying. “After everything they did for me.”

[all-made-of-stardust]

so, friends of mine were discussing the Korok quests, and the various ways people either help them or blatantly abuse and torture them.  so I had an idea and made an alignment chart based on how one treats the Koroks.

(I have never actually played the game, just watched playthroughs and absorbed content from the internet)

alignment breakdowns under the cut in case you can’t read the image:

Lawful Good: gently escort them by foot by carrying them safely and painlessly yourself

Neutral Good: build a cart, put them in it, and pull the cart by horse

Chaotic Good: build a working hovercraft and stand guard over them as you fly to their friend

Lawful Neutral: attach them to whatever contraption you were already working on, then pull them along. complete any quest you were working on, and eventually drop them off

True Neutral: walk past them and ignore them

Chaotic Neutral: build a potentially functional hovercraft, attach them to it, then send it in the general direction of their friend

Lawful Evil: verify that their friend is in the direction you are headed, then keelhaul them behind your horse until you eventually get there.  if monsters attack along the way, well, them’s the breaks

Neutral Evil: strap them to a rocket and fire them in the general direction of their friend.  do not check to see if they made it.

Chaotic Evil: crucify them on a cross that you then launch into oblivion saying “I HOPE YOUR FRIEND IS GOD” as they disappear over a cliff

[sophieinwonderland]

Is it bad that I don’t want to be nice anymore? It feels like I just want to be agressive and start fights, particularly with the bullshit going on in the plural tags right now. I’m not endogenic, so I don’t really have a horse in this race, but I feel like I need to yell about it? I want to stand up for endogenic systems, but I also don’t want to do more harm than good either. I don’t know if fighting others about this is good for me either. It’s confusing and I want to do right by the community, but I also just want to defend and start shit. It’s a mishmash of emotions lol. Thanks for listening to this

Also, thank you for everything you do, it’s really important and it’s very comforting. You’re great, continue being great :)

I get it.

I think it's human.

It's normal to feel under attack and want to lash out at the people who you feel attacked by.

We need to acknowledge that these instincts are normal and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way... but also that they evolved for different times and environments. Our base instincts to strike back when struck was evolved for hunter-gatherers to protect their tribes from enemies, not for arguments on the internet.

That is to say, our human nature to hit back and hurt people who hurt us is fighting against our best interests in this particular fight.

That's not to say we shouldn't fight back... but I think we need to make sure to fight smart.

We don't send threats. We don't send hate. We definitely don't send images of gore. We play on people's sympathy. We expose the bigotry of the other side. We spread our message across the globe slowly but surely. And we do our best to undermine the misinformation spread by our adversaries.

Am I being nice?

I don't know. I think, for the most part, I'm polite. But like, I also just baited an anti-endo into calling one of the creators of the theory of structural dissociation ableist for acknowledging the possibility of non-traumagenic plurality just so I could use them as a talking point. That's probably not a nice thing to do.

I think fighting back and defending our community is good. But that this is a battle where we need more scalpels and fewer chainsaws.

And if all of this is getting to you, it's okay to step away and take time for yourself away from all of this. Nobody is going to blame you for putting yourself first. Your own happiness and wellbeing matters more than any internet arguments. 💖

[pigtailedgirl]

Now I'm curious how you got into due south originally, if you feel like explaining :)

Sure! It's nothing too exciting I guess, but my Dueser origins begin as a wee girl. I know my family must have vaguely watched it because I remember the image of All The Queen's Horses mountie chase pre-dates my series watch beginnings. I know my grandma later confessed as I had it on tv one summer that she watched it. Cause cute Benton Fraser lol.

But real seeing and watch began with a random catch of Free Willie one morning on the Showcase Network. Thank you kindly Showcase.

Yeah, I caught it one morning and stayed to watch because I think I vaguely recognized it, and just fell in love with it's charm and wit and Fraser and Ray. It was the first episode so great timing too. And they had it schedule set to air one episode in the morning, the same at night, five days a week. Perfect for catching up.

Promos were hilarious too. I should see if any are online.

Oh, and it was original edit, so it had extra scenes like the different Victoria's Secret ones.

So I caught up on the series quick. Also, what I think really cemented my season 1 and 2 love was they played that set for months at least before switching to the 3/4 season. That highlighted the difference in tone to my POV too I think, and it's why I kinda view them apart still.

But I really got to experience show first this way.

I think I found fandom when starting Livejournal same time the show hit resurgence there. And I happily caught the tail end of Yahoo Groups so got to back read fan stuff there. Missed most of Ray Wars. Yay. There was the 2000's snippets, but everyone was so fun at content creation and love, that was the best take-aways. It made for a great time. I participated in a watch-along! A big highlight of fannishness for me! That's when I saw The Pilot. Or my fav was squeeing about Pizza and Promises.

Just, some of the many wonderful fans like Nina_DS and movies_michelle and duenorthlaurie for episode discussion, and Sdwolfpup, Belmanoir, Aingeal8C as content creators, or Scotchsour, and Lozenger8 who made some banging icons....Truly, there were so many wonderful people, I couldn't even name them all. Due South provided so many wonderful glimpses of other fans to share with. LJ friends were so lovely.

I fell out in LJ world strangely cause I felt kinda outside the fandom wave as it crested I think, not shipping F/K or really loving those seasons as much. And just personally felt not into fannishness as whole after awhile. It's a me thing across everything, not just Due South. I took an internet break for a long time. I still watched the series on tv, with Showcase and TV Tropolis and DejaView lol, and by then DVD often. Along with new TV of course, although not much cause Tumblr me is not too different from old LJ me. Still kept an eye of forums, sometimes, or such, cause I love discussion as you can see by my screeds versus tech/creative skills, but not actively or with comment.

I return cause, I don't know, seeing people express love for the series again is hitting a happy place of nostaglia I think. I had a rough bout with real-life and comfort fannish stuff is reminding life was full of small good moments. The joy of the endearing nature of the show and the spirit of love for it in the fandom is proof of stuff enduring. Joy that it's still on rebranded Showcase here on the weekends lol, even if you never know which season.

And a new vidder made a wonderful F/V fanvid that, timing again as I hit Tumblr, I stumbled into, and just had me crying when I watched at the beauty and love I remembered in the pair. It spoke to my love of them so hard I think it jolted me into thinking hell yea that love deserves happy expression, I can do it too maybe. Sadly they took it down, but yeah, that was the spark, and that's me fannish story.

[bonezone44]

‘Stages of Grief’

Word Count: 1968

Joel x Reader

image credit

Summary: After a tense interaction with a family member who raised you when you were little, you spiral. Joel talks you through it.

Tags: Reader gender unspecified, angst, grief, familial neglect, childhood emotional/physical abuse

a/n: Read if your family sucks. Read if you like crying. Read if you’re crying-curious. But also keep in mind that I’m a random person on the internet who writes fanfiction. Not a therapist.

++++++

‘It’s not fucking fair,’ you tell yourself. The pain shooting through your body in a way that feels unending. 

How can an emotion feel so much worse than anything else?

How can a thought trigger a full body nuclear meltdown? How can it send you burning and twisting and writhing and regressing into the small child you once were?

Years have passed since you were a little kid, being tugged around and shoved from place to place, trailing behind the adults in your life. All your curiosities being ignored. Your questions going unanswered. Your needs being shoved aside so they could do whatever the hell they thought was so much more important than you. Their child. Their responsibility.

But what about you? What about your needs and desires? What about all the shit that you wanted to do? 

You still remember staring up at the glowing carousel–the colorful, twinkling lights mirroring the stars in the night sky. The beautifully painted horses gliding up and down to a fun, jaunty tune playing loudly from some hidden location within. Your eyes sparkled with majesty and wonder. And you remember how the whole place smelled like popcorn–rich and buttery. The memory always made you hungry when you thought about it.

“I wanna go on that next!” you pointed and shouted with hope and excitement.

You heard an angry scoff. “We’re not going on a fucking kiddie ride.”

“But I wanna go!” you stomped.

They turned around and got in your face. “Well too fucking bad!” They yanked your arm, tugging you through the crowd. Other adults. Other kids. Other people with cotton candy and stuffed animals and new light-up toys and big smiling faces.

You started crying. It felt like your whole world was shattering. “But I wanna go!” You kicked and screamed. You wanted to have fun. You wanted what you wanted.

They shoved you into a corner and got into your face again. This time it was accompanied by their finger and a suffocating cloud of anger. “I don’t give a shit about what you want. Now shut the fuck up and don’t fucking embarrass me.” They whispered fiercely.

“But–”

They slapped you hard across the face. 

It stung. Badly. You felt dizzy.

But it got you quiet.

“Now I’m gonna go down there and hang out with my friends–” they said, pointing down the dim, smelly alley behind the stalls. You saw two men in dirty aprons, sitting on buckets and smoking cigarettes with greasy fingers. “--and you’re gonna shut the fuck up.”

You pouted and sniffled, but had no choice in the matter. They were your adult. You had to go wherever they went. There were no other options.

And now you’re older and wiser, but anytime you’re with them or think about them or meet someone who reminds you of them–it sends you into a spiral. As if they still have their hand wrapped around your arm and you’re still begging them to let you get your way.

“You gotta talk to me, darlin’,” says Joel.

You can’t even see him. You know he’s in the room but your head is a thunderstorm and it’s raining out your eyes. “They do this. They do this every fucking time!” You choke out through sobs. “They can’t be happy for me. They can’t let me have anything!” The last word comes out with a stomp. You clench your fists and dig your nails into your palm. The pain is sharp and you shake your head, burrowing into it. “They never give me anything!” Never give you their attention, their love, their respect. It didn’t matter if you still lived in their house or not–they still saw you as a burden. “It doesn’t matter what I say or-or-or how I say it. They just refuse to fucking hear me!” They wouldn’t even listen when you spoke. “I have tried everything and nothing works.” You wipe your eyes, attempting to compose yourself.

“Then why do you keep tryin?” he asks.

You stare at him dumbly. “‘Cause they’re supposed to! They’re supposed to-to-to–” You break down harder. You can barely say the words in your own mind, but somehow they come out your lips. “They’re supposed to love me!” Your anger recedes, replaced with pain. Pure heart-stinging pain. You rub your chest with your palm. “They’re supposed to love me, Joel.” Your head falls back, your eyes on the ceiling. You can feel the muscles straining in your neck. “But they don’t!” Your mouth is wide and grimacing as you cry. “I can’t even get them to care about me!”

“Then why do you keep tryin?”

“‘Cause they’re supposed to,” you pout. Your brow is tight and you can feel yourself getting a headache. 

“But they don’t.”

Hearing those words from Joel–it knocks a part of you back into place. Like you had spread out into a puddle of tears and he’s scooping you back together. You’re still hurting, though. You’re still crying.

“So why do you keep tryin’?” he asks again. “When you know they don’t care?”

“Because… because I want them to. I want them to care about me. I want them to know me. It’s not fair that-that-that I’m living this whole life without them and they just�� they don’t even make an effort.”

“So stop tryin’.” He shrugs. His arms are crossed against his chest. “Stop givin them the effort that they won’t give you.”

“But I have to–”

“No,” Joel says firmly. “No, you don’t.”

“But–” you’re not giving in. You refuse. Your leg is shaking. You wanna beg him. Plead him. “But they’re my family.”

Families are supposed to love each other. Share stories. Call on the weekends. They’re supposed to learn and heal together. They’re supposed to be interested in one another’s dreams and struggles and achievements. They’re supposed to be lifelong companions. And when you’re an adult–they’re supposed to make the effort to heal whatever wrongs occurred during your childhood.

“I can’t just… leave ‘em, you know?” Your lips are trembling as you try to get the words out. “I can’t just give up on them.”

“Yeah–” Joel’s eyes are wide and serious. “Yeah, you can.”

“But–”

“You don’t owe them shit, darlin’,” he says. “It don’t matter if they fuckin’ raised you.” He shrugs. “It don’t matter how much money they spent on you or the time they took outta their shitty little lives to take you to school or soccer practice or to fuckin’ feed you.” He steps closer to you. “If you feel like shit every time you talk to them or try to… reach out–then stop.” He shrugs his shoulders again. “They coulda gifted ya a million fuckin dollars and it still wouldn’t make a difference.” He stares right into your eyes. “You don’t owe them anything.”

Your sobbing has ceased, though your cheeks are still wet. “Then what am I supposed to do?” you ask. What are you supposed to do with this piece of you? This solid chunk of yourself that sits in your gut. What is it supposed to do if it’s not desperate and yearning for your family’s attention and approval and support? 

“Nothin’.”

“...What?” 

“You don’t have to do anything,” he says while shaking his head.

“But…” But that didn’t make sense. You were always doing something. You were always seeking and reaching and tugging and pulling and grasping for them. You were always begging and pleading and crying and aching and needingneedingneeding them. 

“But…” And you could feel yourself releasing–like the odd burst of blood flow you got after unclenching your fists. When you had been holding onto something so tightly for so long that you stopped even feeling your own hand anymore. Didn’t know you had fingers. The only thing you noticed at the end of your arm was a strange sensation.

And when you finally let go, unpeeling your fingers, your joints moved unfamiliarly and uncomfortably. Your muscles trembled and shook–feeling weak. Your fingers were warm and tingly and pulsed. It made you think of a balloon popping–without the sharp sound. It was dull and matted and flat, but also exploding and alive and free.

“I don’t have to do … anything?” you asked. Because how the hell was that possible? Because once again, you were always doing something. Always feeling some sort of way.

“All you gotta do is live your life and do what you wanna do. In whatever way you can.” He shrugs. “If they show up, they show up.” He holds his palm out. “But you don’t owe them anything if they do. Even if they try to tell you that you owe ‘em.” He shakes his head. “You don’t.” He puts his hand on your shoulder. “Nobody asks to be born, darlin’. But that don’t give them permission to treat you like shit for it. And you don’t owe them for doin’ the bare minimum to keep you alive.”

 “So I can just… do whatever I want?” The tears return and you’re not sure why. There’s still pain inside you, stored deep in your muscles. But the twisting ache in your gut isn’t as strong as it was before. You feel lighter. Lighter than you ever have in your whole life, you think.

“You can do whatever you want.” 

You start crying again, in a mix of confusion and hurt and relief. But you’re nodding. You’re agreeing with Joel. God, you can’t imagine what you must look like right now. Probably covered in snot, swollen eyes and lips. You just cried like a little baby and he watched you and talked you through the whole thing. You feel so silly and stupid and–grateful. You feel so grateful for Joel. 

“Thank you,” you say after swallowing back tears. “Thank you for loving me,” you choke out and you reach out to hug him and his big arms wrap all the way around you. 

“Of course, darlin’” he whispers and kisses your head. His hands rub up and down your back as you sway into each other. “Of course.”

Once the tears fully stop, and you can think of your family without immediately falling apart, you sigh and let go of Joel.

His big hands cradle your face and he kisses you on the forehead. “Gonna get you some water,” he says and leaves the room.

You know this won’t be the last time you do this–grieve your family. But it’s a start. It’s a baseline. It’s a feeling you know you can seek out again when the next spiral hits. And then the next spiral. And the next. 

But it will take less time in the future when you know the destination–when you can recognize the end of the journey. And even if Joel isn’t around for those, he was around for this one. The first one and worst one. And he didn’t judge you or silence you or push you away for having your feelings or expressing yourself. He didn’t treat you like a burden or toss you aside for being you and dealing with your shit. 

And he didn’t try to replace your family. He didn’t try to become the new target of your yearning and desire and need for approval. Because he knows he can’t be that for you. He can’t be your new family–your new lifelong companion. Only you can. Only you know your own thoughts and desires and ambitions and dreams. Only you can be there inside your head at every waking moment and every sleepy night. And when that solid chunk inside of your gut starts to spread, grasping like ivy for something outside of you to fix you or approve you–you have to scoop it back in and tell it, “No. I don’t have to do anything. I can do whatever I want.”

+++++++

a/n: I'm currently enjoying my ride on the 'Joel x Reader x Healing' train. Most of my fic titles end with "(18+)" and I was tempted to put "(Fun for All Ages)" on this one 😂