#horribly self indulgent post

[ballroomfitz]

Fuck It FNV Companions As Bruce Springsteen Lyrics

After I realized all of their associated playlists had at least one Springsteen song (it is NOT my fault his music encompasses like 70% of all human emotions).

Craig Boone

Born down in a dead man’s town The first kick I took was when I hit the ground You end up like a dog that’s been beat too much Till you spend half your life just covering up

Born In The USA (NCR?)

Arcade Gannon

You’re born into this life paying for the sins of somebody else’s past

Adam Raised A Cain

Veronica Santangelo

The highway’s jammed with broken heroes On a last chance power drive Everybody’s out on the run tonight but there’s no place left to hide Together, Wendy, we can live with the sadness I’ll love you with all the madness in my soul

Born To Run (what if I said this song was about Veronica and Christine what THEN)

(Veronica is soooooooo Springsteen coded in general but that's another post)

Rose Of Sharon Cassidy

Badlands, you gotta live it everyday Let the broken hearts stand As the price you've gotta pay Keep pushin' 'til it's understood These badlands start treating us good

Badlands

Lily Bowen

Everybody needs a place to rest Everybody wants to have a home Don't make no difference what nobody says Ain't nobody like to be alone

Hungry Heart

Raul Tejeda

Now those memories come back to haunt me They haunt me like a curse Is a dream a lie if it don't come true Or is it something worse

The River

[anghraine]

It's always been intriguing to me that, even when Elizabeth hates Darcy and thinks he's genuinely a monstrous, predatory human being, she does not ever perceive him as sexually predatory. In fact, literally no one in the novel suggests or believes he is sexually dangerous at any point. There's not the slightest hint of that as a factor in the rumors surrounding him, even though eighteenth-century fiction writers very often linked masculine villainy to a possibility of sexual predation in the subtext or just text*. Austen herself does this over and over when it comes to the true villains of her novels.

Even as a supposed villain, though, Darcy is broadly understood to be predatory and callous towards men who are weaker than him in status, power, and personality—with no real hint of sexual threat about it at all (certainly none towards women). Darcy's "villainy" is overwhelmingly about abusing his socioeconomic power over other men, like Wickham and Bingley. This can have secondhand effects on women's lives, but as collateral damage. Nobody thinks he's targeting women.

In addition, Elizabeth's interpretations of Darcy in the first half of the book tend to involve associating him with relatively prestigious women by contrast to the men in his life (he's seen as extremely dissimilar from his male friends and, as a villain, from his father). So Elizabeth understands Darcy-as-villain not in terms of the popular, often very sexualized images of masculine villainy at the time, but in terms of rich women she personally despises like Caroline Bingley and Lady Catherine de Bourgh (and even Georgiana Darcy; Elizabeth assumes a lot about Georgiana in service of her hatred of Darcy before ever meeting her).

The only people in Elizabeth's own community who side with Darcy at this time are, interestingly, both women, and likely the highest-status unmarried women in her community: Charlotte Lucas and Jane Bennet. Both have some temperamental affinities with Darcy, and while it's not clear if he recognizes this, he quietly approves of them without even knowing they've been sticking up for him behind the scenes.

This concept of Darcy-as-villain is not just Elizabeth's, either. Darcy is never seen by anyone as a sexual threat no matter how "bad" he's supposed to be. No one is concerned about any danger he might pose to their daughters or sisters. Kitty is afraid of him, but because she's easily intimidated rather than any sense of actual peril. Even another man, Mr Bennet, seems genuinely surprised to discover late in the novel that Darcy experiences attraction to anything other than his own ego.

I was thinking about this because of how often the concept of Darcy as an anti-hero before Elizabeth "fixes him" seems caught up in a hypermasculine, sexually dangerous, bad boy image of him that even people who actively hate him in the novel never subscribe to or remotely imply. Wickham doesn't suggest anything of the kind, Elizabeth doesn't, the various gossips of Meryton don't, Mr Bennet and the Gardiners don't, nobody does. If anything, he's perceived as cold and sexless.

Wickham in particular defines Darcy's villainy in opposition to the patriarchal ideal his father represented. Wickham's version of their history works to link Darcy to Lady Anne, Lady Catherine (primarily), and Georgiana rather than any kind of masculine sexuality. This version of Darcy is a villain who colludes with unsympathetic high-status women to harm men of less power than themselves, but villain!Darcy poses no direct threat to women of any kind.

It's always seemed to me that there's a very strong tendency among fans and academics to frame Darcy as this ultra-gendered figure with some kind of sexual menace going on, textually or subtextually. He's so often understood entirely in terms of masculinity and sexual desire, with his flaws closely tied to both (whether those flaws are his real ones, exaggerated, or entirely manufactured). Yet that doesn't seem to be his vibe to other characters in the story. There's a level at which he does not register to other characters as highly masculine in his affiliations, highly sexual, or in general as at all unsafe** to be around, even when they think he's a monster. And I kind of feel like this makes the revelations of his actual decency all along and his full-on heroism later easier to accept in the end.

------------

*The incompetently awful villain(?) in Sanditon, for instance, imagines himself another Lovelace (a reference to the famous rapist-villain of Samuel Richardson's Clarissa). Evelina's sheltered education and lack of protectors makes her vulnerable to sexual exploitation in Frances Burney's Evelina, though she ultimately manages to avoid it. There's frequently an element of sexual predation in Gothic novels even of very different kinds (e.g. Ann Radcliffe's The Mysteries of Udolpho and Matthew Lewis's The Monk both lean into this, in their wildly dissimilar styles). William Godwin's novel Caleb Williams, a book mostly about the destructive evils of class hierarchies and landowning classes specifically, depicts the mutual obsession of the genteel villain Falkland and working class hero Caleb in notoriously homoerotic terms (Godwin himself added a preface in 1832 saying, "Falkland was my Bluebeard, who had perpetrated atrocious crimes ... Caleb Williams was the wife"). This list could go on for a very long time.

**Darcy is also not usually perceived by other characters as a particularly sexual, highly masculine person in a safe way, either, even once his true character is known. Elizabeth emphasizes the resilience of Darcy's love for her more than the passionate intensity they both evidently feel; in the later book, she does sometimes makes assumptions about his true feelings or intentions based on his gender, but these assumptions are pretty much invariably shown to be wrong. In general the cast is completely oblivious to the attraction he does feel; even Charlotte, who wonders about something in that quarter, ends up doubting her own suspicions and wonders if he's just very absent-minded.

The novel emphasizes that he is physically attractive, but it goes to pains to distinguish this from Wickham's sex appeal or the charisma of a Bingley or Fitzwilliam. Mr Bennet (as mentioned above) seems to have assumed Darcy is functionally asexual, insofar as he has a concept of that. Most of the fandom-beloved moments in which Darcy is framed as highly sexual, or where he himself is sexualized for the audience, are very significantly changed in adaptation or just invented altogether for the adaptations they appear in. Darcy watching Elizabeth after his bath in the 1995 is invented for that version, him snapping at Elizabeth in their debates out of UST is a persistent change from his smiling banter with her in the book, the fencing to purge his feelings is invented, the pond swim/wet shirt is invented. In the 2005 P&P, the instant reaction to Elizabeth is invented, the hand flex of repressed passion is invented, the Netherfield Ball dance as anything but an exercise in mutual frustration is invented, the near-kiss after the proposal in invented, etc. And in those as well, he's never presented as sexually predatory, not even as a "villain."

[lukaskyle]

Baldur's Gate 3 (2023) dev. Larian Studios

[skinnypaleangryperson]

Everything has been so pathetically genuinely terribly cringe to me lately, to the point where I don't get joy out of anything anymore, but I'm trying

I'm aware enough to know that this is a side effect of severe depression and stagnance and mundaneity and generally being sick of being alive and hating everything for it

[stargazinglesbian]

Stephcass fic WIP

so because i hate myself i put out a poll and everyone told me that i should finish my stephcass wip, which i am doing!!! i'll have plenty of time over the weekend, but for now please take this tiny little itty bitty snippet because i need motivation and posting about it on tumblr is the best way of keeping me accountable

~.*+*.~.*+*.~.*+*.~.*+*.~.*+*.~.*+*.~.*+*.~.*+*.~

Cass has missed her friends. Yes, she sees them regularly, but going out on patrol is not the same as spending time with them. She has missed listening to them talk about small things and walking around doing nothing important. She has missed being able to exist with people without the worries of Gotham and secret identities being a constant weight on her shoulders.

Now, as she walks down the street with the weight of Stephanie's hand comfortably in hers, her brothers' voices fading into the background noise of the city, she feels happier than she has in weeks. 

Duke is talking animatedly about something with Tim on his right, who is leaning forward to see past the other boys rapidly moving hands. Stephanie is walking on his left, occasionally interrupting with her own opinions mid conversation. Cass is at the very end of their group, her head lying on Steph's shoulder as she watches the other three. She is unsure of what they are talking about, she lost track three blocks ago, but watching them talk is enough for her.

As Cass shifts her grip on Stephanie's hand slightly, trying to reposition her fingers, the other girl is momentarily distracted from the boys beside them. Steph glances down at their interlocked fingers as though she is afraid Cass will let go, but Cass just gives her a gentle squeeze to let her know that she will not. 

They have been holding hands since they left Foam Party; Stephanie was teasing Cass about something she cannot remember as they walked out of the door and Cass was teasing her back. She had said something that made Steph laugh, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she raised her hand, her fingers curling into an 'ok' symbol. Cass knew she was midway through signing the word 'asshole', but she caught Stephanie's hand before she could finish the gesture, both of them giggling as they stumbled onto the sidewalk. 

They had held onto each other for a moment as Duke and Tim walked ahead of them, eyes meeting for a brief second (Cass still remembers the way her breath caught in her throat when Stephanie looked at her, prettier than all the sunsets she had ever seen combined), before pulling each other forward to join the others. They had still been holding hands, and neither of them let go.

[smilestrawbunny]

Hey! Just a heads up, I'm sending this to multiple people, since I wanna get as many different viewpoints on this as I can. I hope this doesn't bother you. Also, this is pretty long.

So, I have a question about gamedev, but more on the marketing/presence side.

Most gamedevs I know, even hobbyist ones, keep their accounts relatively professional. Sure, they may shitpost here and there, but it's mostly in relation to their games, the gamedev sphere in general, or very general inoffensive stuff. And, most importantly, I've seldom seen my favorite gamedevs (or any of my favorite internet personalities, for that matter) comment on random videos unrelated to what type of content they usually post.

All of my social media accounts are quite unprofessional. I've also had them for a long time, so there are a few things on my digital footprint that I'd rather people not see. I also, for lack of a better way of explaining, watch and read random shit and like to leave comments on it sometimes.

I feel like, I were to become a gamedev, I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I'd have to treat my internet presence as its own balancing act, rather than a place for me to express myself unabashedly. I know this is working under the assumption that I would get big and that people would give a damn about me, but there is always the off chance of that happening. Of a random game you make suddenly blowing up because it hit the algorithm just right. So it's better to be prepared. And even if I don't get that big boom in popularity, I still plan to at least make games consistently enough to build a community of their own. Nothing like, huge, but I really enjoy the idea of people enjoying my work and sharing that enjoyment with others. But I don't want that to cross over into my personal life!

I know that's not an impossible feat, but I feel like it kind of destroys the purpose of the internet for me. To me, it's always been a safe space where I could express myself and easily connect with people with similar viewpoints, but I am now coming to odds with this concept as I consider how I want to become a gamedev.

There's also the side note that I don't wanna rebrand. At least not completely. I don't mind cleaning up my accounts or deleting some old ones, but I've grown very attached to being "Quamai". I can't imagine myself having any other online identity, even if there are some cringy moments attached to it.

So, do you have any advice for my situation? How did you personally go about your own online image, and what do you think is the best course of action?

Thank you in advance!

Oh, I am such a funny person to come to about this- I never let being a game dev stop me from interacting with works I like, haha! Maybe that’s just because I’m a smaller creator, though. Just recently I posted death note fan art, I’m currently working up the courage to post about fandom related ocs, and I’m hosting a game jam encouraging fan works that might be considered “cringy.”

The people who like you and your work will still be there regardless. You can count on that as a fact! So why should you stop yourself from having fun?

Life is far too short to be worried about your public image to such a high degree. Like you said, these are already things that you actively do to express yourself and enjoy! So if it gives you any semblance of comfort, I’ll start doing even more “unprofessional” things to help you out there <3 /pos

[maz737]

Oops I made art of my own AU

<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/

[tired-old-men]

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆

Spectre groggily wakes up in the middle of his bed. He found himself lying in an awkward position on top of his bed sheets, surrounded by a lot more pillows than he originally had. Rubbing his head he could feel his fur had grown long and messy, but at least his headache was gone. 

Getting out of bed his eyes widen at the state of his room, it looked a like a disheveled mess that someone had attempted to clean. 

He immediately got out of bed, noting that he was entirely naked he quickly used his chaos abilities to get himself a robe. It was clear that something had happened but his memory was a bit too fuzzy on the details. Waking up like this was not typical of him, if anything it would be something he’d expect out of his son’s more hedonistic lifestyle. 

His eyes darted to the door before even hearing someone open it. Quickly grabbing for his helmet putting it on before his visitors even came into the room. Upon putting it on he couldn’t help but notice feeling dents and deep scratches on his helmet that were not there before, almost as if a big dog had gotten a hold of it. “Pops!” Sojourner had walked in, his eyes and smile widen as he takes notice of his father, approaching him rather excitedly. 

Sojourner: “You’re back!”

Spectre: -Raises a brow at him in confusion- “Did I go somewhere?”

Sojourner: “What? No you were a.. Wait… you don’t remember?”

Spectre: -shakes his head- “My memory is a bit hazy at the moment but I’m sure it will come to me. Would you care to brief me on what occurred?”

Sojourner: -rubs the back of his neck apprehensively- “Um yeah sure.. I’ll gather us for a meeting and get you all sorted out.” 

Spectre turns his head back to the door expecting another visitor before hearing a small knock on the door, it slides open revealing Iris holding a large platter of breakfast food and a basket of some sort. 

Upon noticing the pair Iris gives an excited audible gasp, their tail beginning to wag. 

“Sir you’re back!” Iris states happily getting closer to them, setting down the tray and basket on a nearby cleared off table. 

Spectre takes a look at the tray and Iris’s reaction in confusion. “What’s all this?”

Iris just looks back at him in equal confusion, turning to Sojourner.

Sojourner: “He seems to have a lapse in memory from the whole ordeal..”

Iris: “ah, understood… Well I um.. you see you’ve had quite the appetite for the past few days so I’ve been bringing you breakfast and what not… I got you some proteins and even got you a basket filled with those large muffins you like. But um I guess you wont be needing this much food anymore...” -they give Spectre a sheepish smile- 

Spectre: -takes a look at the platter of food then back at Iris softening his gaze, he sets a gentle hand on their shoulder- “Thank you. Your kindness during such an ambiguous time for me is much appreciated. I don’t believe I’d be able to complete this meal by myself, would you be willing to share it with me and join me for breakfast, while my son gets a meeting ready?”

Iris: -their cheeks flush pink at the unexpected request- “S-sure I wouldn’t mind that at all..”

Sojourner: -eyes the pair with a smirk- “Wonderful, well I’ll leave you two to breakfast then and get the morning going, good to have ya back Pops” -he gives his father a smile and a nod before leaving the room- 

Iris: -begins to set up the table for the two to have breakfast their cheeks still quite pink-“If anything I could also take some of the muffins back to the kitchen if its too much food, I know I kinda brought a lot…” 

Spectre: “… you can just leave them here, I’ll assure you they wont be wasted.” 

Iris: -lets out a soft giggle, that old man’s love for sweets really knows no bounds- “Of course Sir”

Spectre: “… … I must ask… what happened to my helmet?” -he asks brushing the edges of his helmet feeling all the nicks of torn metal- Iris: -their smile quickly vanishes heir face looking comedically awkward, not really knowing how to react to such a question- “… umm… a big dog got to it? -they say with a nervous smile-

Spectre: “… … and my robes?” Iris: “It.. got to that too?.. heh heh” -they give an awkward chuckle, avoiding eye contact by preparing a plate of food for him-

Spectre: “Hmm.. unfortunate.” 

Spectre did’t press any further, although Iris’s responses seemed amusing, he figured he’ll probably hear all about it in at the meeting. For now he was actually quite hungry and the hedgehog’s gentle demeanor was welcomed company after such strange events. The two enjoyed a peaceful breakfast together, it almost gave him a familiar feeling, as if this was routine for them. He wondered if Iris had often accompanied him for breakfast while he was in this altered state of consciousness, knowing the hedgehog he wouldn’t put it past them. 

After breakfast Spectre got ready for the day. Getting a much needed shower, and getting properly dressed, even grabbing a different helmet. He then proceeded to join his family in a meeting to uncover what strange events had occurred to him while under that spell. 

‣ [Restart?]

[natasha-in-space]

Charmed

Butler!SE Saeran/princess!cmc Natasha Stakh;

Saeran is a devoted butler to the young princess Natalie, the only way for him to escape his father's clutches and live a somewhat free life. He was resolved to this being his new normal, having no choice but to do what is expected of him, or face ruthless consequences. What he wasn't expecting is to eventually find himself feeling more affection for the very same princess he is meant to serve, than is allowed.

AO3 link.

Picrews used for the banner: Saeran, Natasha

Becoming a butler for the royal family is not something Saeran had done by choice. In fact, the mere thought of dedicating his entire existence to serving someone who was inherently superior to him in every way made him feel sick to his stomach. It was a rather cruel irony, really. One he had to eventually come to terms with, whether he wanted to or not. And that is the simple fact that his form of 'freedom' looked like yet another rope tied around his throat, just looser than the last one.

Despite all of his efforts, at the end of the day, he is unable to escape from his own flesh and blood.

He would never wish upon anyone to be born a bastard. His life has been already preplanned for him even before he took his first breath. Simply because of the identity of his parents. His father, to be more exact. A man with enough power under his fingertips to rid himself of anyone he deemed unfit to be associated with his image. For reasons both big and small. He and his brother had to survive in a state of fear, hunger, and isolation for as long as he can remember. Living out their childhood years in fear of being pursued and killed at any corner. Their mother's constant violent outbursts and heavy drinking was only yet another morbid detail to add to this messed up painting that was their life.

And, although Saeran didn't want to admit it, deep inside, he knew Saeyoung was the only reason he was even still alive. Getting them both jobs under the royal family of a neighboring kingdom was also his brother's achievement, not his own. What frustrated Saeran most of all is all the secrecy around this 'sweet' deal. A part of him still felt bitter and hurt over Saeyoung not trusting him enough to just tell him what this deal really meant for them both. And while his older twin had the strength and resilience to become a knight... all he was good for is serving as a butler. To the young princess, to be exact.

Saeyoung would never let him get his hands on a blade, anyways.

Not the life he would have dreamed of, but... Saeran has learned not to dream anymore a long time ago.

The young man briskly makes his way through the luxurious hallways of the castle on his way to princess Natalie's bedroom in the early morning. As always, he already ensured his sharp suit looked pristine by thoroughly checking over his appearance in the long full-body mirror that was so graciously placed in his bed chambers. He would always make sure he looked acceptable to be seen before even thinking of stepping foot outside. The only thing that is out of order is his collar, which was left just slightly loose. Not enough to notice at first glance, but just enough for him to rid himself of the constant pressure against his throat that would make his fingers itch to tug the cursed tie away.

He doesn't particularly like having his clothes restrict his breathing... And these suits were rather stuffy as it is. The brushing of his red unruly locks was done somewhat hastily but gracefully nonetheless. His dark circles under his eyes were a flaw impossible to remove, though.

He is required to look presentable as a butler for a member of royalty, after all.

Finally, he reaches his destination and takes a deep breath before knocking rhythmically on the princess' door. Though, he is quickly left feeling puzzled by the lack of an answer this time around. Despite him standing by the door for a couple more minutes patiently, she never openes it to greet him like she usually would.

There is a mix of annoyance and concern filling his chest. On the one hand, he grew slightly worried about the princess. What if something had happened to her? God knows members of the royal family were always a sought-after target for all kinds of immoral things. He should know, even if he's not technically royalty. More like a dirty roach that refuses to die, no matter how much his father had tried over the years. On the other hand, however, he had a pretty good idea on what was likely going on here. And he was not particularly fond of it. Saeran sheds a heavy sigh.

He would rather not have her hurt in any way, but he thought he had taught her better than that at this point. If his guess is indeed correct, it was definitely for someone of the royal family. Then again, Natalie - or, Natasha as she has asked him to call her behind closed doors, much to his own bewilderment - was never that becoming of a conventional member of the royal family.

Although he has a gruff huff falling from his lips, Saeran still enters her bedroom without any further warning. He doesn't feel at all surprised when what he sees is a big lump huddled on the bed, hidden under the fluffy covers and not caring about a single thing happening around it. With a roll of his eyes, he slams the door shut, a bit louder than necessary, in order to wake the unlucky princess when he approached her bed.

"...You're supposed to be awake by this time, you know?"

"-Wah!"

The aforementioned princess instantly jolts upright with a startled squeak in response to the loud slam of the door, looking around with panicked and disoriented eyes. If there was any doubt in Saeran's mind before now, it has disappeared by now. She was obviously sound asleep. Once she sees that Saeran was the source of her sudden awakening, though, she lets out a huge breath of relief and falls back onto the bed, groaning from her jerky movements just now.

"I, uh... overslept. A little." She mumbles groggily, sounding almost like a guilty child who just got caught stealing from the cookie jar.

Saeran can only roll his eyes for the second time this morning, crossing his arms over his chest. Sometimes he seriously wonders how in the world had she managed to survive in the ruthless world of royalty up until now. Nothing about her screams of pompous nobility, except for her extravagant surroundings. Whether this is a good thing, or a bad thing, he isn't so sure.

"You overslept? Overslept, huh...? How very, very unbecoming of you." He says sternly. "What if it was the Queen who had entered your chambers instead of me? You'd be punished for sure."

He walks on over towards the princess, still laying under her fluffy blankets on the bed, getting ever closer to her as he spoke. "Am I not guiding you properly? I told you yesterday to be sure to wake up early in the morning. To dress and be ready. You have an important day ahead of you. And what do you do instead?"

It is a rather peculiar scene. A butler scolding his princess. Though, their dynamic was almost backwards. In a way, Saeran never thought much of the fact that he could behave like this towards the one he was meant to serve, and not worry about getting punished. In fact, in the last six months of his service to her, Natasha had never once used her inherent position of power over him.

Maybe that's why he is so open with her.

"It's not like I can control it! Not my fault I sleep like a log..." Natasha whines, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she sits back up in bed, her long hair cascading messily down her back and shoulders. "Usually Mrs. Brown wakes me up... But, she left on a trip with my father yesterday, so I have to wake up on my own. And I found this very interesting book last night, and I swear intended to go to sleep right after reading a couple of chapters, but..."

Saeran sighs. From what he has learned so far, Mrs. Brown was Princess Natalie's personal maid from her young age, serving her with the utmost devotion a servant could possess within them. In fact, castle rumors have it that the princess considers Mrs. Brown to be more of a mother figure than the Queen herself. It was probably not so surprising, considering that Mrs. Brown was there by her side as she grew up throughout the years, while her mother was always too preoccupied with her royal duties.

He thinks there are definitely some drawbacks to being royalty. He refuses to let her slack off like that, though. It is his duty to keep the princess in check. Especially over something like this. So, he keeps it up with his scolding tone.

"You still don't wake alone?" There is a hint of irritation in his tone when he says it. "Even so, why are you still in your nightgown? Don't you ever get ready in the morning? Or do you need someone to do it for you?"

He continues to move closer. As he does, he notices how messy her hair looked... Princess Natalie's luscious dark hair reached all the way down to her waist in length, but it was usually put up into a proper hairstyle fit for a princess. Right now, though, she looks almost like an average young woman who just woke up in her bed with bedhair and all. And, paradoxically, he can't help but note how pretty she looked in spite of it. Or maybe because of it. He finds this to be more authentic than anything he has seen from her yet.

His heart rate increases slightly.

"Didn't I tell you to dress... like... proper royalty is supposed to do?"

"I just woke up!" Natasha huffs at him a little. And, admittedly, she has a point. He is starting to talk nonsense, for whatever reason.

That only makes him double down on his approach, though.

"Still!" Saeran says. "Do you know what would happen if anyone else saw you in this... state?"

He looks around, feeling oddly upset about the idea. It was a serious source of frustration for him. Or maybe that's what he'd like to think.

"It's improper, unbecoming-"

He pauses his rant abruptly, but his attention is piqued by her sleepy green eyes staring back up at him in a mix of confusion and slight irritability. He leans closer to examine them. Now that he thinks about it, he never saw Natasha be genuinely angry before. She would grow frustrated at his scoldings, yes, but instead of screaming at him or using her authority over him, she would just pout and huff. Like they were not a mere a servant and a princess. Like they were actual equals who could allow themselves to be direct and honest with each other.

Honesty was something he lacked in his life.

"...You look adorable." He mumbles without any thought. His musings don't make him any less upset, but... he can't help admiring her.

He doesn't even realize he actually said his inner thoughts outloud. Not until he sees her reaction.

She blinks, clearly astonished by his sudden comment. It probably seemed pretty obvious that he didn't even intend to say that outloud. Which is exactly the case.

"Uh... Thank... you...?" She replies rather clumsily, clearly unsure of how to respond to that. Curse their shared ineptness at dealing with compliments.

Saeran quickly comprehends what he actually just said after witnessing her reaction. He feels embarrassed. He quickly looks away to collect himself, clearing his throat and ignoring the heat rushing to his cheeks.

Better act like nothing happened.

"So... do you have a specific gown in mind for today?" In an effort to stay on track, he asks. "The Queen will be here in 10 minutes. You still haven't even started getting ready."

He is still embarrassed by what he said, which is exactly why he is so eager to change the focus of the conversation as soon as possible.

Her eyes quickly go wide, and all signs of sleep disappear almost in an instant.

"In ten minutes!? Why didn't you say so from the start!?"

Natasha almost leaps out of bed, with the utmost grace of a young doe, hastily opening her closet doors and grabbing the very first gown she touches. It seems like the notion of being chewed out by her mother first thing in the morning quickly rids her of her morning sleepiness. He should keep that in mind for future... incidents.

Particularly as this is definitely not the first time this has happened.

Saeran's eyebrows raise slightly when she reacts so abruptly to his comment. He can't help but admire her speed, though, as he observes her quickly looking for a gown to wear.

"That's what I was trying-" As she finds a dress for today, he stops speaking. His eyes widen ever so slightly as he takes in the dress and its... details. "Uh... not that gown. That won't do."

His words come out in an awkward gruff mumble, and his heart suddenly beats faster in his chest, for a reason completely unknown to him. Just a natural response to her peculiar choice in garments. Nothing else.

Natasha only groans, though, seemingly not noticing his rather stunted response whatsoever. "I don't have time to sort through my wardrobe. Whatever gown I grabbed will have to do."

And so, she simply dashes into her closet, not even giving him a chance to call out after her or respond. He is supposed to help her get dressed, since they were in such a predicament... But, it seems like she was just fine with doing so on her own. In fact, she works rather quickly to change out of her nightgown and slip into the dress she has grabbed. Saeran was content to just sigh and focus his antsy energy on making her bed while she changes. With a huff, she soon darts out of the closet after approximately five or so minutes, much to his amazement. Even though he can clearly observe several flaws he'll have to fix for her later. His eye was always better trained to notice these small but important details, after all.

He looks down at her figure, inspecting the gown as it sits upon her now. The dress is crafted from fine silk, in sleek shades of blue and black, accentuated by a silver trim. The fabric hugs her petite body in all the right ways, its cut allowing for subtle movements without compromising modesty. Though it is still a modest design, the fit and fabric gives it a somewhat seductive air nonetheless. But, at the moment, she is obviously far too focused on avoiding her mother's annoying lectures to care. Without noticing his rather blatant staring, she hurriedly grabs a comb and attempts to reshape her hair.

It appears that she was not performing well. Her hair is far too long and thick for it to accommodate such jerk and rash movements.

Saeran finds himself quietly chuckling and shaking his head. Did she lack all knowledge on how to take care of herself properly? How ungraceful of her. For some reason, he finds it appealing to observe, though.

He likes her ungraceful and fumbling like this.

Saeran observes her getting ready for a few self-indulgent moments. He has to admit that she looked really pretty. Not that he'd ever tell her that. At least, he hopes so, considering that earlier incident of him just blurting out his inner thoughts to her without any filter put in place.

He looks away, but he can't help sneaking a look at her waist while she is fixing the dress and trying on some loose ribbons. How she looks at this moment is making him feel... funny... and he feels very much embarrassed about it.

"I can help you get your hair looking proper..." He mumbles softly, his voice quiet and barely audible.

"Oh, please do." Natasha responds, putting her hands on the table while sighing. He is able to observe that she is already feeling quite tired. Which isn't all that surprising, since she just jumped out of bed so quickly and had to get ready in such a hurry. Moving so rashly without giving her body a chance to fully wake up is not good for her well-being. He supposes that the thought of dealing with another lecture on proper etiquette from her mother is much more intimidating for her, though.

Saeran sighes as he observes her exhaustion. Without a doubt, this princess was a different sort of breed entirely.

He walkes on slowly towards her and starts combing through her long locks of hair, making careful adjustments here and there. Despite his gruff tone, his touch is oddly light and careful. Not a single tug can be felt, and his fingers effortlessly work through each individual knot with the grace only the finest of servants could brag about. Then again, he was considered one of the most valued staff in the castle due to his skills alone. Believe it or not, he is more than capable of maintaining the proper appearance of a perfect butler.

He is able to breathe freely when he is alone with princess Natalie behind closed doors, however. Maybe a part of him is taking care of her by his own volition at this point in time... He isn't so sure anymore.

"How did you get it this messy? You're like a bird's nest." He mumbles, attempting to avoid looking at her exposed neck while working on her hair. He is putting in a lot of effort. Maybe a bit too much.

Why does it appear so smooth and soft, anyway?

"I slept." Natasha replies clearly. Well, he can't really say much about that.

"...Of course you did." Saeran murmurs.

After verifying that her hair is smooth and free of any more knots, he carefully braids it into a bubble braid. He doesn't want to completely put her hair up like it usually is today, for some reason. He likes it better like this. It fit her better. When completed, he takes a small step back and keeps adjusting her hair here and there, making sure that it looks flawless, as well as fixing up some flaws on her gown.

Despite all that, he is careful not to accidentally brush his fingers against the bare skin of her neck or collarbones.

Natasha breaths out a huge sigh of relief once she knows she looks presentable enough, so that her mother won't have anything to nag her about when she inevitably comes in. "Oh thank God. I thought I was a goner."

Saeran tries not to laugh.

"Now," He utters, clearing his throat. "Don't ever let me see you in such an... unbecoming state again."

He tries to conceal his flustered state by clearing his throat again. Is it just him or is the air in here a bit stuffy today? He should really open up the windows once all is done.

"Go on, the Queen will arrive soon." He speaks while stepping away from her.

"Like you wake up all preppy and suited up. Then again, with how snooty you are, I will not be surprised to know that you sleep with your dress shoes still on and in full three piece suit." Natasha snorts and rolls her eyes at him in the mirror.

Saeran's breath catches in his throat. His scoldings are met with a cheeky response from her that he was not expecting. This was certainly getting improper. But that's not what is on his mind right now.

"-Shut up," No matter how hard he tries, his face flushes red again as he mumbles. "That's not how I sleep. I just-"

He gets cut off while trying to gather his bearings.

God, she got him well.

"...Don't be insolent. Get ready for the Queen. Understand?"

The merry smile now tugging at the corners of her lips suggests that his reply did not help much with his predicament.

"What? Don't like the taste of your own medicine, hm?" Natasha chuckles at his reaction, shaking her head. It is definitely fortunate that she doesn't tease him any more, instead choosing to sit on the bed and rest her head. All that panicked preparation probably left her feeling a bit woozy, especially since she literally just woke up mere minutes ago. So, he can't really blame her for wanting to take a breather for a moment or two.

Her snickers cause Saeran to narrow his eyes, though. He doesn't like being the one who gets put on the spot like that.

"Shut up," He mumbles again and moves closer to her side. He observes her sitting on her bed and then sighs, his shoulders lowering as he visibly relaxed. "Don't get too comfortable. I still need you to be ready by the time the Queen arrives."

"I will, I will." Natasha waves her hand in a dismissive manner. "I just need to rest my head for a moment, I feel all woozy after jumping straight out of bed and getting myself in check in less than ten minutes."

Saeran sighs again, his eyes fixed on her face.

"Just... don't fall asleep." He mumbles. He doesn't want to hear her snore... or, more importantly, he doesn't want to hear how cute her snores must have sounded.

...He seriously needs to clear his head.

"Who do you take me for? I don't fall asleep so haphazardly." Natasha puffs out her cheeks, seemingly feeling a bit insulted. She is not taking it seriously, of course, he can see that clear as day. Moreover, it's not like she can blame him for thinking that in the first place. She is a big disorganized mess without him there to keep her in check. And she is pretty self-aware, compared to most of her relatives. "-And you said she was going to be here in ten minutes! Who did I dress up as quickly as a racing horse for?"

"Well... The Queen didn't mention what time she'd be coming, only that she will eventually be here. And I'm glad you got dressed quickly... Because..." Saeran halts himself from saying it. He is unable to express his liking for the look of her figure, especially with the dress she is wearing.

Thankfully, the princess is far too caught off-guard by his sneaky trick to pay any mind to his wandering looks.

"What!? So I could get dressed in my own pace without any worry!? Why'd you trick me like that!?" Natasha huffs and gazes at him with clear irritation. Though, it still looks more amusing than scary. He doesn't feel any fear in her presence.

"Because... Because I'm your butler." Saeran has a slightly teasing tone in that last part, just to poke a little fun at her. "And I have to make sure that you are awake and prepared at all times, you know?”

With a smug gaze, he leans closer to her and looks at her eyes.

"Even if it meant lying to you…"

Her face is filled with an annoyed expression. She straightens her back, seemingly trying to appear like a figure of authority to him. It doesn't work. "Lying to your princess is a serious offense, Mr. Choi."

Saeran smiles, feeling pretty confident all of the sudden. He doesn't even notice that he is genuinely smiling right now. How long has it been since he showed a true smile to someone?

"But, what can the princess do about it?"

He shifts his gaze from her eyes to her lips.

"Nothing," He murmurs, almost under his breath.

He sees her eyes widen, hears her breath hitch ever so slightly, feels the air around them thicken in a way that is oddly unfamiliar to him, yet so alluring. Seconds feel like hours, and his heart is suddenly pounding so hard, he can hear it echoing in his temples.

The unmistakable sound of a door being open breaks apart the silent moment, as they both jolt apart so quickly, it's almost like they got burned by one another. Saeran is quickly thrust back into reality once he sees the Queen's firm gaze boring into him, and he wastes no time backing a proper distance away and bowing his head. His movements shakier than usual.

He doesn't know whether the Queen actually saw... whatever that was, and whether or not it will result in some consequences on his behalf. She doesn't give out any clues. Merely excusing him out of the room and turning her attention towards her daughter.

As Saeran walks through the halls, almost in a daze, a single thought keeps circling around in his head.

...What was that?

[ruvviks]

so massively unwell about nathan x ru/vik

[ghost-maya]

ok I'm deeply curious about Deep Sleep, and whatever you have cooking for the nami x conis fic

Ty for the ask sine!! (WIP List Ask Game Post)

Deep Sleep chapter 1 is already up - it is my SanZo college roommate hypno fic LMAO (mind the tags!!) but I'm working on chapter 2 rn so it's still in the wips doc. I do try to keep this blog SFW so uh here is a paragraph from chapter 2 that won't have the tumblr police at my doorstep:

Actually picking up his phone this time, he sees he has a notification from ‘shit cook’. There are two messages. One reads, ‘laundry should be done in the dryer’ and the other, ‘left you a sandwich in the minifridge’. 

And from the Nami x Conis wip, that I'm hoping to turn into a series of pwp one shots of Nami's lesbian crusade across the grand line (potential series name??):

"I mean, I won't force you, but there's no harm! You'll never see me again so it's no strings attached! C'mon, I know you wanna." Nami smiled toothily. She'd been eyeing Conis herself this whole time; plus nothing gave Nami more pleasure than landing the chicks Sanji simped over.

[theokusgallery]

Your AU is still worming its way through my brain and tearing it into pieces. Send help (there is no cure)

I am SO sorry

[daisyachain]

This is generalization but it does make me feel like I’m losing my mind. Anglo-American romance novels aimed at women—‘what if you, a normal person, were forced into proximity with the smuggest most self-satisfied person who physically invades your space, insults you, acts like an attention whore at best, borderline sexually assaults you, isn’t that great’ and then you go to romance manga aimed at young women—‘what if you, a normal person, we’re forced into proximity with a two faced bitch who tries to control your every move and also refuses to speak or engage with you unless it’s to isolate you from your peers or get mad at you for talking to another living person’

[it-s-a-me-oli]

Toy and Game: Gotta be some of my favorite nonbinary genders

[bl-inkstone]

im fighting my demons rn (trying to focus on my assignments instead of writing the sagau post)

[can-of-w0rmz]

It has been FIVE DAYS of having gone from “constant mild cold symptoms” to “I’m-struggling-to-get-out-of-bed-and-haven’t-updated-my-journal-in-days” sickness and I’ve decided denial is the best way to go so from this moment forward I’m deluding myself into thinking I’ll be completely better tomorrow and hoping I don’t Victor-Frankenstein-ify my ass and pass out in the middle of my English classroom because I was too stubborn to just wait until I was actually better