#hopes and dreams for tmp

[self-made-purgatories]

Yes, he is here. But he is still gone: The Five Stages of Grief (and Seven Sorrows) of Heartbroken Kirk. Part 4 of my thoughts about TMP.

(Once again, a verrrrrrrrry long post for people like me who are into that sort of thing; abandon all hope ye who enter here, etc., etc. This is the latest in a long series of posts about my theories that the end of Season 3 of TOS details a Spirk breakup arc that remains unresolved at the end of the series, then comes to a head in TMP, where we now find ourselves. Get comfortable and enjoy.)

Yes. Kirk still thinks about Spock sometimes.

How could he not? They were once deeply, desperately, hopelessly in love. But the mission always came first. Neither of them knew themselves as well as they should. Mistakes were made. Feelings, which never should have existed in the first place, were excruciatingly hurt. A wedge came between them, and their love went down in metaphorical flames. Spock learned that love is a double-edged sword of both ecstasy and misery, both of which can kill. And so he decided to leave it all behind.

When Spock made the decision to leave for kolinahr, he made it clear that this tie was to be severed forever. Kirk cried for days (mostly to himself, once or twice to McCoy). Spock resolved to give up everything, including any chance at ever loving anyone again. Perhaps that made Kirk saddest of all, not that their own love ended; he could have been okay with it if he had known that Spock was happier somewhere else. But he cried for Spock, because Spock would never love at all, not ever again.

Yes, love can hurt. Kirk knows. They are two sides of the same coin. And yet, love is always worth it.

Spock disagreed.

All his life, Spock pulled his pain tighter and tighter around him until he wore it like a second skin. Eventually it was just part of who he was. This allowed him to pretend that it was invisible to both himself and others. That it no longer existed. Even as it suffocated him.

For years he has been telling himself that love is only pain by another name. He has worked toward the goal of letting go of both completely. If love is gone, he believes, then pain will be gone too.

And yet, when faced with the moment of truth, the exact time to let go of love for the last time, the final time he would ever permit himself to think of his treasured friend, brother, lover; he can't do it.

He can't let go after all. He must go to him.

He tells himself it's, again, for the mission. The mission has always come first. It's not for Kirk. It's not for love. It couldn't be. That would be illogical. That is not sufficient motivation for the persona he has carefully constructed for himself over years of discipline and practice.

And yet, his t'hy'la is calling, and so he must go.

Yes. It has been years.

But yes, Kirk still thinks of Spock sometimes. How could he not? He was the most beautiful soul he ever encountered in all of his years of searching. He thinks of the long taut curve of his back bent over his calculations, the winding well-ordered hallways of his brilliant mind, the way that mind could always make him feel safe by making sense of the chaos around them, the electric zinging ache deep in his body every time they touched. Those desperate, intimate, fleeting moments when Spock allowed himself to truly see and truly be seen, to truly touch and truly be touched, to truly love and truly be loved, by Kirk alone. The exquisite romance of exploring one another as they explored the universe together. Of learning what it means to be human, together.

It is bittersweet, because all of that is just a memory now.

Yes, love can hurt. Kirk knows. They are two sides of the same coin. And yet, love is always worth it.

Even if it is all over now.

And yet, one of Kirk's wildest dreams has already come true: He is back on the bridge of the Enterprise, sitting in the big chair, reliving the fulfillment of his past, feeling that adrenaline surge of being in command and facing certain death in the hope of saving the day.

And yet, he can't fully enjoy it. He keeps thinking, "I wish Spock were here." He specifically requests a Vulcan science officer. The ship faces an antimatter imbalance problem that even Scotty can't crack, that he knows Spock would have been able to fix. And, as always, there's the loneliness.

Suddenly, Spock is at the forefront of his mind. The fulfillment of this dream of return is incomplete without Spock at his side.

Does he allow himself to indulge a silly fantasy, that Spock would somehow materialize on the bridge? In his fantasy, does Spock profess his love, his willingness to take the bad with the good, to accept Kirk as he is, to accept love as it is, and to never, ever leave again?

Did Kirk ever imagine, after all these years, that this other wildly hopeless dream could also come true, even partially?

And so, when Spock all at once imposes himself on the bridge, fantasy and reality collide. There stands before Kirk an otherworldly vision in black robes, with cheekbones that cut like glass and eyes that stare straight through to the soul. And Kirk nearly loses his mind. And he knows what he has always known deep within himself: once and for all time, he is deeply in love with Spock.

And now, wonder of wonders, Spock is here.

But it's not the happy reunion that Kirk wants. It is not a homecoming, or a recommitment to love and to life. Like the Nomad probe in season 2 of TOS, this moment is a Changeling, like the old earth legends. A fairy child, left in place of a human baby, that assumed the identity of the human child.

The Spock that walks through that door is not the Spock in his mind. He is not his Spock.

Welcome to Stage One:

Denial

Kirk's jaw drops. He breathes Spock's name out like a prayer. His entire body snaps to attention. He whispers; no, he exhales, Spock's name again, like it is a deep breath he has been holding for years. He would kiss him if he could. He would have him right here on the bridge, even in front of all these people. He would hold him in his arms and cry into his neck for hours.

But Spock's only response is to meet Kirk's gaze and square his shoulders. He doesn't say a single word in response.

And yet, Kirk is brimming with hope. This person, this love, that he thought he lost forever has just walked back in the door and now anything is possible. There is suddenly a light in Kirk's eyes that we have not seen at all so far in this movie.

As Spock busies himself at the science station, Kirk looks like he is about to burst into tears of joy. He can barely believe it as he says the words reinstating Spock's Starfleet commission and position as science officer.

What is he trying to say to Spock privately, through their telepathic bond in his mind? My t'hy'la my love my Spock I've missed you I can't believe you're here There is a hole in my soul that only you can fill Please stay please stay please stay forever I love you.

But Spock does not answer, neither out loud nor through the bond in their minds. Kirk's outpouring is met with a wall of stony silence. Spock's shields are raised in every sense.

When McCoy and Chapel come in to greet Spock, he looks around for a moment like a trapped animal before fleeing for the door, explaining that he needs to consult with engineering. There is not a single extraneous word. There is no greeting. No warmth, no soul, all mission.

And then, suddenly, Kirk begins to understand.

This is not a happy ending; this is not a homecoming. This is a tragedy. This is a train wreck.

Nothing is forgiven. Nothing is forgotten. To Spock, love is still only pain.

Yes, he is here. But he is still gone.

And the foolish hope fades from Kirk's face. But he isn't ready to give up yet.

Welcome to Stage Two:

Anger

Oh. So you're only back for the job. Is that it? You can't even look me in the eye and say hello? Does friend, brother, lover mean nothing to you?

You'll remember that I wrote about how Spock's internal conflict during his breakup with Kirk is presented in the episode All Our Yesterdays as an allegorical journey into hell through the Seven Deadly Sins. Here is another religious allegory; the Seven Sorrows, which encompass seven painful but meaningful moments represented as seven metaphorical swords in the heart. The bookend to Spock's experience of the Seven Deadly Sins is this: Kirk's experience of Seven Sorrows, seven metaphorical knives in the heart given to him in rapid succession by Spock's return.

Spock's cold demeanor on the bridge, his rejection of Kirk's warmth, is the first of Kirk's Seven Sorrows, the first knife that his reunion with Spock plunges into his heart.

As Spock walks into the turbolift, Kirk sends out one last desperate grab for connection. His face is screwed up with pain and anger and betrayal as he says, "Mr. Spock. Welcome aboard."

Spock does not even turn around.

This rejection is the second Sorrow, the second knife that Spock plunges into Kirk's heart.

(Interlude)

Let's take a step back from Kirk and consider Spock for a moment. Is he, in his pain, punishing Kirk on purpose? Maybe. Is he simply acting in the way his kolinahr training has prepared him, bringing some of this stoic discipline back to the secular world with him? Possibly. Is he hurting and suffering, and as always, trying to suppress it? Definitely.

In the past, Kirk was his safe person. He is no longer. Spock is overcome with pain of the memories of the way that things ended between them. This has gone beyond the usual walls he has with everyone; where Kirk is concerned, Spock has built his metaphorical walls even higher and stronger and covered them in concertina wire.

Think also of his complicated feelings about his failure to reach kolinahr. It feels like a failure to truly be Vulcan; a failure of the main goal of his life. Perhaps he still thinks that he can make his way back there after completing this last mission. He can't let Kirk in at all; it would destroy any small chance he still has of accomplishing that goal. So he goes on the offensive against Kirk.

For the next scene, Spock busies himself right away with correcting the antimatter imbalance and fixing the ship. Kirk continues his duties on the bridge.

But Kirk is still deep in the anger phase a short while later, when he and McCoy are waiting for Spock in the officer's lounge. Kirk paces nervously while McCoy tucks himself in a corner. When Spock enters, Kirk freezes.

"Science officer Spock, reporting as ordered, Captain."

Spock announces himself formally, saying his own name and position out loud, as if Kirk doesn't already know who he is. This is the third knife in Kirk's heart: You, Captain, are a stranger to me.

A wave of hurt and anger washes over Kirk's face.

Bargaining

Because the stages of grief are not linear, and not very sharply defined and separate, Kirk has one foot in Anger and one foot in Bargaining in this part of the scene.

"Please, sit down."

Spock doesn't refuse outright, he doesn't confront him; he simply stares into Kirk's eyes for a moment and remains standing as he trades sarcastic barbs with McCoy. Kirk gestures at the couch and McCoy obediently takes a seat.

Bones, as usual, is trying to hide his feelings in that caustic humor. Spock, meanwhile, has repressed his feelings very deep within himself, as always. Kirk, however, is an open book, and the heartbreak on his face is enough for all three of them.

It used to be that Spock knew and did what Kirk wanted and needed before he even asked for it. Now, Kirk asking him to sit down is a friendly invitation, not an order, and Spock is making a small but pointed show of defiance. You can't influence me. You will get no favors from me. If this isn't coming from you as a direct order from my commanding officer, I don't have to do it.

Ignoring Kirk's friendly invitation to sit down is the Fourth Sorrow, the fourth knife in Kirk's heart.

Kirk and McCoy are trying to make sense of why Spock is there, what happened to his choice to pursue kolinahr, but Spock doesn't provide any explanation. Kirk invites him a second time: "Sit down." This time, Kirk also sits down in demonstration, casually perching on the arm of the couch in an attempt to hide the desperate gravity that he feels in this situation.

But Spock, once again, does not sit down. It is, again, a small act of defiance. Once, long ago, he would mirror his body to Kirk's even in the most casual of situations. He would study his arms and copy them. He would study his stance and stand the same way. They would move in unison without ever thinking about it or mentioning it.

Once, long ago, he would do anything, just because Kirk was doing it. Now, he is saying, I am my own person. I will move independently of you. I will sit when I please.

Spock rejecting Kirk's second request, as well as his bodily cues, is the fifth knife in Kirk's heart.

Kirk and McCoy continue talking through their confusion about what Spock is doing there. But they ask no direct questions, and Spock volunteers no explanation. Finally, Kirk completely loses any vestiges of his external cool and begs Spock to sit down a third time, drowning in anger and exasperation: "Will you, please... sit... down!"

It's not just about the sitting down. This is the bargaining phase of Kirk's grief. If he could at least get him on the same page about sitting down together, maybe they could get on the same page about more important things. It is another desperate plea for connection. He is asking him, Are you here to stay? Or will you leave me again? Could you please at least commit to this conversation with me if you can't commit beyond that?

Spock finally sits, but it's too late. Kirk has lost his cool and Spock has won this round. Kirk knows this, and the fact that Spock is keeping score is the sixth knife in his heart. But he still has one more bargaining chip to play. He stares deeply into Spock's eyes. What is he saying to him? Spock, it's me. Let me in. Please.

Spock finally looks away and starts talking. He explains the telepathic events that led him back to the Enterprise. He explains that he hears the thoughts of The Intruder, and implies that those thoughts are what led him back to the Enterprise. But the Motion Picture Novelization specifically explains that it was Kirk's thoughts he was hearing through their bond that brought him back. He doesn't offer details in either case, but he does inform Kirk and McCoy of his telepathic connection to The Intruder. McCoy tries to break the tension with another wisecrack and Kirk shuts him down.

"Bones!" he says sideways over his shoulder. "We need him."

He turns to Spock and leans forward onto his own knees, making that deep, intense eye contact that, for them, is another form of communication.

"I need him," Kirk says.

This is a coded message. There are several places in the series and the movies where Kirk says to Spock (and occasionally to McCoy), "I need you." Any time Kirk says, "I need you," what he means is, "I love you."

This is Kirk's last bargaining chip. Love is the last salvo in his arsenal.

But it is telling that he doesn't say, "I need you," to Spock. He says, "I need him," of Spock, while looking directly at Spock, but he is technically saying it to McCoy. Kirk is cautious; he is wounded. And he is terrified of saying the wrong thing and sending skittish Spock running yet again. So he tells him, subtly, indirectly, "I love you. I still love you. Do what you will with that information."

Spock's answer is cold, professional, focused on the mission: "Then my presence is to our mutual advantage."

Kirk understands. His face falls slack. He narrows his eyes. The confusion is gone. But also, the hope is gone. All that is left is pain. This is the Seventh Sorrow, the final knife in his heart. He suddenly realizes that all the hope he felt when Spock arrived on the bridge was foolish and pointless.

Just as he realized earlier on the bridge: Yes, Spock is here. But he is still gone.

And so is Kirk's hope of the two of them bouncing back from this. His tone changes again. Welcome to stage four:

Depression

Kirk is defeated, deflated. He gives up trying to reach Spock, for now. He is resigned, matching Spock's calm, professional tone as he tells him what he needs from him for the mission.

"Of course, Captain," Spock answers. "Is there anything else?"

"No," Kirk answers, a little too quickly and a little too forcefully. It is, of course, a lie. There is so much else. He could fill a whole book with everything else he wants to say, with everything else that he needs from him.

But Spock accepts his answer and he slowly, heavily, gets up and walks out of the room. And Kirk watches him leave yet again.

And, because the stages of grief are not linear, bargaining again rears its head and Kirk springs to his feet, following Spock like a lost puppy. But McCoy, who knows all and sees all, who remembers the tears back when the wound was still fresh, stops him. He knows that it would do no good.

So Kirk puts on his best professional face, his best Admiral persona. He compartmentalizes his grief so that he is able to go to the bridge and sit mere feet away from the man he loves, who has actively decided to no longer love him back, and still face the mission like the seasoned professional he is.

The final stage of grief is, of course, acceptance. This will come later. It is a process.

Yes, love can hurt. Kirk knows. They are two sides of the same coin. And yet, he reminds himself, love is always worth it.

[unaskedformagnustheories]

Recap Notes: MAGP 6 "Introductions"

Spoiler Warning: this is a purely selfish exercise in remembering what the hell happened last season (from someone caught up thru MAGP31, 2/27/2025 & all of The Magnus Archives). No promises I'll keep up with it. Summary: It took the internet .05 seconds to twink the pointy one. Casement: CAT1RB4824-09022024-12022024 I haven't instantly been so onboard with a character since Luke Booys first voiced Michael. Sorry, Alex. There's just something refreshingly chilling about a spook who's gone full ham on giving into their nature. Torturing someone as you can hear them smiling. Needles is having a great time, and you know what? Good for him. “Oh the land is definitely marked now, same as me” Might be the first talk of the land itself being marked, but it won't be the last. Re-emphasis on the idea that the fears here want attention. Needles wouldn't get the satisfaction of the kill without the 999 call bragging about it, and there has to be a reason Freddie started getting vocal (outside of a cry for help). Ask Colin. Freddie does not equal friend. This ep also gives us our first taste of Celia in TMP. Notable for giving the great if on-the-nose: "four weirdos in a basement reading scary stories? Dream job." If I only had a nickel... Bonus Alice Lines That Feel Prophetic in Retrospect:

SAM Is someone else leaving? ALICE Hope not, but this job has kind of a high turnover rate, so Lena likes to hire a couple of replacements when an old-timer leaves

SAM

What, and just assumes one of them won’t stick it out?

ALICE

She’s usually right. And at this exact moment, my snoozy darling, the smart money’s not on you.

SAM

What happens if both of us thrive here?

ALICE

Then we draw lots and one of you gets eaten at the Christmas party. No cannibalism in the OIAR, but he didn't not get eaten.

[leiatalon]

hi hi! just played through both IFs and i loooooved both of them so much!! great balance of story/romance <3 i was wondering if you had any faceclaims for the ROs in both books??

Hi! What a wonderful ask! I'm thrilled to hear you enjoyed Ink and Intrigue and Their Majesties' Pleasure! Thank you so much for saying so!

I actually had to look up faceclaims. 🤣 Yes, I'm old-ish.

I don't really have a celebrity cast or anything for my characters. The only solid FCs I have to share are the illustrations I used as inspiration for Prince Galen and Prince Julian while writing TMP. These beauties are on my wallpaper, staring at me with intensity whenever I manage to close or hide all my programs. I love them so! This art is by Asha Venger and shared with permission. I would LOVE to commission art for my WIP characters from her! Gah! It would be an absolute dream. These are actually Celengorm and Curufin from LotR.

As for the rest of the characters, I try to describe them as best I can in the stories and let the reader imagine as they will. The game art by Adrien Valdes is really well done. I provided a bunch of images as guides for the artist, including the ones above, but the other examples are from artists I don't have permission to share, or AI art used out of desperation to give Adrien a guide to follow. (I won't share AI art publicly for obvious reasons.) Here is the game art for each of my games, just so we can have it all in one place and admire the pretties!

I love this art. Really truly.

Though I'd still love to get more character art commissioned for TMP and INK, I'm hoping to have a patreon up soon so I can start saving for character commissions for my next project.

Thanks so much for the ask!

[sonderfairy]

Do you have any advice on fleshing out a plot for characters? I’m trying to make a webcomic too but I only have like a basic idea.

These important things are what drives the story:

What are the character’s motives? (What do they want?) this will be their goal(s) throughout the story.

What obstacles are in the way of those motives? (What’s stopping them from getting it?) This will drive the conflict(s) of their story.

What are their methods of overcoming those obstacles? (How do they solve the conflicts that arise? How do they approach it?) This will be the bulk of the story.

The first and last questions can be answered once you know what type of person your character is. What are their morals? Their skills? Their struggles in life? Their dreams?

And when it comes to writing character relationships and dynamics, I like to use love languages. For example, Arcade’s love language is Acts of Service, so he’s the kind of person to prioritize helping his friends with their problems. Fern’s is Quality Time, so they prioritize spending time with people they care about. Throughout TMP you can see how these are actually very influential to the plot.

When you understand the psychology behind your characters, it gets easier to determine what they would do if X situation happened to them. Then you build your world around them and throw shit in their way until they figure stuff out.

Hope this helps!

[eco-lite]

Some gems from Dreams of the Raven by Carmen Carter:

[Text ID: “Kirk knew his science officer was suffering under the weight of this rampant speculation. ‘Mr. Spock, every new fact we gather seems to compound our difficulties.’ ‘That is the inevitable risk of any scientific endeavor, Captain,’ replied the Vulcan without apology.” End ID]

As a scientist, a relate deeply. That's the worst/most fun thing about science.

[Text ID: “When the shimmer of the transporter beam finally faded, Kirk found himself swaying dizzily on the platform. Spock steadied him with a touch. ‘Sleep is a biological necessity.’ ‘You’re the one who woke me up,’ accused Kirk.” End ID]

#/banter

[Text ID: “’You’re one of the few people on this ship who isn’t in awe of Captain Kirk. You scream and holler when you don’t agree with him. You even scream and holler at Mr. Spock, which nobody else does.’ McCoy stopped in mid-crunch. ‘You can’t be serious?’ ‘Your fights have assumed mythic proportions on the Enterprise,’ she said mischievously. ‘The crew keeps a running list of the insults you’ve thrown at him over the years. No one else would dare use them, but sometimes just reading them can make the science department feel better. Chekov swears by it.’” End ID]

It's so funny to think of Chekov doing this. I bet somebody has made a compilation of all of Bone's insults. He should watch that.

[Text ID: “’I hope that carrier is trying to escape us, Spock.’ Bootless, Kirk stood up and stripped off his shirt. ‘Under the circumstances, I’m more worried about overtaking the ship than losing it.’ The science officer considered this statement. ‘Phaser cannons, triple-field defense shields, photon disrupter buoys…’ ‘Which wouldn’t mean a damn thing if we had warp speed,’ said Kirk, now fully unclothed, as he ducked into the sonic shower. ‘However, at impulse speed we are less than evenly matched.’ Spock weighed the strengths of the two sides as if evaluating another chess game. ‘Our phasers would be hard-pressed to penetrate its defenses. Our shields could not withstand more than one direct hit. The Falchion will be at a similar disadvantage. Our combined forces may not be sufficient to counter an attack.’ ‘And these aliens do seem determined to pick a fight,’ yelled Kirk from inside the cubicle. ‘Agreed,’ said Spock. His fingers lightly touched the bishop, but did not change its position. He studied the board yet again and slowly withdrew his hand. Kirk stepped back into the room. ‘It’s cold in here,’ he complained, quickly pulling on a clean set of clothes. ‘Yes,’ replied the Vulcan. ‘And Mr. Scott is contemplating another five-degree drop to conserve power expenditure.’” End ID]

Just casual intimacy in the captain's quarters... Kirk is in another room here, but like... he got up in the middle of their chess game and just got in the shower. While continuing their conversation. That is severe married energy.

[Text ID: “’You put human beings in that unholy device?’ McCoy came to a dead stop at the threshold of the transporter room. The platform which had held Uhura was now empty. She, and a stack of cargo containers, had dissolved in a glittering cloud. McCoy turned a look of horror on the chief engineer who had effected their departure. ‘Dinna look at me as if I��m Jack the Ripper,’ said Scotty indignantly.” End ID]

Excellent references to both TMP and "Wolf in the Fold."

[Text ID: “’I don’t give a damn what he thinks,’ snapped Kirk. ‘I’m asking for your opinion.’” End ID]

Kirk is talking to Nurse Chapel here. I really loved this book's characterization of Chapel, and how it emphasized her importance on the crew. She's a badass and she deserves to be heard!

[Text ID: “’You’ve got to operate on Spock.’ ‘What?’ exclaimed McCoy, half-laughing. ‘Are you out of your mind? I don’t have the surgical skill to operate on a Human, much less a Vulcan. I’m barely qualified to assist Cortejo…’ ‘That’s not true.’ The stiff posture of a starship commander melted away. Kirk stepped closer, arms raised to urge his appeal. ‘You’ve got the knowledge, McCoy—somewhere. Reach for it, use it.’ McCoy shook his head. ‘You don’t know what you’re asking of me, Captain.’ ‘I don’t care,’ Kirk said fiercely. ‘It’s your duty as a doctor, as my ship’s surgeon…’ ‘No!’ McCoy pulled back in horror. ‘You can’t just order me to cut open a living being. I’ve never done that before.’ ‘You’ve dine it a hundred times,’ Kirk thundered. ‘Goddammit, Bones, Spock is dying!’ The words had no effect on the man standing before him. McCoy shrugged impassively. ‘I’m not your “Bones.” I can’t remember and I can’t help him.’ ‘Can’t?’ asking the captain bitterly. ‘No, I think you won’t remember. You’re quite happy to forget the last twenty-five years. They frighten you because they weren’t tidy and predictable—they were messy and full of nasty surprises. You’re still a boy—a boy who wants to go through life without making mistakes, the bad mistakes that can’t be set right again. To admit the mistakes means facing your own weaknesses…’  ‘Stop it!’ shouted McCoy. ‘… and finding your strengths.’ Kirk’s tone turned flat and harsh. ‘Listen to me, Leonard McCoy. You many not care what happens to Spock, but somewhere inside of you is a man who would stop at nothing to save his friend’s life, to save any life, no matter what the personal cost. It was that quality that made him the best medical officer in Star Fleet. If you don’t have that same passion for the value of life, you’ll never be half the doctor he was. Of half the man.’ Kirk fixed his eyes on the doctor’s pale face. ‘Can you really let Spock die so easily?’ McCoy flinched away from Kirk’s gaze, then slowly shook his head. ‘The first time I lost a patient, I kicked a hole through a wardroom door … cost me a week’s salary to pay for the repairs. The other doctors told me I’d get used to it.’ ‘You stopped kicking down doors,’ said Kirk, ‘but you never got used to death.’ McCoy stood silent for a moment, staring past the captain at a private vision. Then his eyes blinked as if to clear it away. ‘That’s as good an epitaph as any doctor could ask for.’ McCoy took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. ‘I can’t promise anything, Captain Kirk—except that I’ll try.’” End ID]

This is just an excellent Kirk speech. I would have loved to see this in an episode; Shatner and Kelley would have done a great job with this scene. For context, Bones lost his memory of the last 25 years, so in his mind he's still a medical resident and doesn't know any of these people on the crew. Why should he care about Spock? But in the end Kirk reminds McCoy how deeply he values life. I also kind of adore that it was the desperate need to save Spock's life that triggered Bone's memory to come back.

[jonahmagnus]

Every day I dream and hope about the Jondaisy tmp reunion

[dihopeinc]

༉‧₊˚ About Me † ִ

Hi I'm Hope or Dihope!

I'm a Nonbinary (He/they + It/It's and Xe/Xem) AroAce spec person who is sex and romance repulsed.

If I EVER end up writing something here's my AO3!

Tag List; DIHope Rambles, DIHope Has Mail, Dihope is Writing Everyone Run, DIHope Mutuals <3

Multi Fandom Blog!

(HERMITCRAFT, LAST LIFE SERIES, JRWI PODCAST, TMA + TMP, DEATH NOTE, SOFE, HAZBIN HOTEL, HELLUVA BOSS, SU FRANCHISE, NINJAGO, DISCO ELYSIUM, ECT.)

WARNING! I talk about CANNIBALISM & MILD NSFW themes

DNI List † ִ

You're a Pro-shiper

Support Dream/Dream Team, Forever (Or Anyone Who is, Or Supports; Pedophiles, Racists, Misogynists, Rape Enthusiasts, etc.)

Transphobia & Homophobia on my page will not be allowed.

Nazis

[hotdogwater2009]

hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am cole, also known as hotdogwater2009 on neopets and the biggest sloth fan ever!

this is dajokahbabey, he is my lab rat i love him to death he is tortured every day by the infernal lazer Dr.Death zaps him with multiple times a day its okay though, he is fueled by rage and hate. my goal is for him to be an MSPP one day....a guy can dream...

this is gloom_spirit, i got her from the pound as a mutant chia, i used my premium species change on her to turn her into a mutant gelert, and eventually got my hands on a TMP and made her a mutant ruki! i love her shes my battledome pet, although i dont do much battling these days!!

here are my SLOTH themed pets! i love them to death! i recently got the special item from the stocking stufftacular and im HOPING its the unconverter-er so i can make 0ppieheimer (the halloween moehog) into a UC.... hes dressed up like a lil sloth how could i NOT

slothbbg (plushie grundo) is based on the happiness faerie! i had to nc trade the cloak and the mask and unfortunately, contacts dont work with the mask on so that sucks but i loooove the plushie variant of grundos so im super happy with him hes my baby, actually...

now...... BLUMAROO TIME

I LOVE BLUMAROOS! i have several! here are some of mine (spread across side accounts too)

i love them a lot! theyre so cute! i even have a blumaroo oc, raditz, check him out! i got batdizzle (zombie) in the pound! isnt he a cutie!

i tried to make him but i cannot do him justice at this time so he is religated to clip studio paint and the blank canvas backgrounds i deam to place him in lol

also my first and only baby pet is a blumaroo!

i just could not help myself when the goth baby caps came out lol!

off (or on?) topic, but i also have a sloth gallery!

i love seeing my little collection grow! sloth is so funny to me villians are goofy and hes the goofiest hes like dr doofenshmirtz but actually evil...love that guy

anyways! thanks for reading my first post! my main is @ballsack696969696969 btw!

[lackhand]

Subverting Google Authenticator

Moral status: ecru hat.

Goal: Remove a critical dependency on the founder's phone

Say you have a lovely startup -- @startup.com, seed round, such unicorn -- where you've acquired a bunch of customers and more every day. They want you(r business) to act as a specific entity within their business, so they each give you access to a semishared google account: bizunit@cust1.org, bu@cust2.biz, bizrole@cust3.gov . Maybe it's just you, maybe a bunch of their employees use it too as a shared entity.

Mandatory Multifactor Auth is here.

Your business now has an existential dependency on your CTO's cellphone & installed authenticator app. Yes, you can (, should, did) extract rescue OTPs. Yes, you always can go shamefacedly to your customers and beg them to beg IT to restore service.

But the phone is going to fall in a lake. It has so much criticality to your business, the dark side is gathering. You can hear it calling now: "bus number of 1", it croaks. Wouldn't it be nice if you could manage the account the customer gave you in a way consonant with its actual delegation of privileges?

from Imgflip Meme Generator

You can.

The hack: Extract the secrets from authenticator, put them in a safe location, and access them (more) programmatically

Environment: M1/Sonoma.

0. Ensure you are not currently under cyberattack

Also, burn some sage, scatter salt, etc. This is about to earn you some bad security karma.

1. Setup:

$ brew install oath-toolkit $ brew install protobuf $ brew install trurl

2. Exfil a secret from authenticator onto your laptop in encoded form

Go into your android "Authenticator" app and select one of your secrets to exfil.

Screenshot the export screen.

Paste the image into a new (, private) keep note.

Load that note on a second screen.

Use your phone's camera app to scan the QR code. Don't click it! Long press and copy it. Go back to the same Keep note. Paste the text there, it will be a URL like otpauth-migration://offline?data=C...%3D . This is the secret, but it's wrapped up in layers of encoding.

3. Dump the pb to extract the actual innermost secret

$ echo "otpauth-migration://offline?data=C...%3D" | trurl -f - --get '{query:data}' > /tmp/otpauthmigration.txt

This is the protobuf encoded in base64 (un-url decoded tho'). It turns out they've changed formats at some point, because there exists code & documentation on the format, but it's wrong. We want path 1.1 (a repeated secret descriptor's field 1, its actual raw secret).

$ printf $(cat /tmp/otpauthmigration.txt | base64 -d | protoc --decode_raw | sed -rn 's/ 1: "(.*)"/\1/p') | base32

This is the actual payload of the single secret you exported in step 2 encoded in base32 right there in your terminal history. (funny edit: tumblr elided the backticks from that command... Fixed now!)

Stick this in 1password, it's the thing you need going forward. Call it $SECRET.

From now on, you can

$ oathtool -v --totp -b $SECRET

and get the same result as the app, from any device (check!)

Closing remarks

Don't do this.

If you were to do this, you could no longer repudiate actions the user's account took. Is your security good enough that you can afford to smudge the actor model around like this? Isn't it easier to just pin your hopes and dreams to the survival of a single hardware device, or reengage with customers whenever anything goes wrong?

[a-vibing-potato]

Things are crazy in my two fandoms that I'm actively participating in rn lol.

I've been relistening to the first season of the Magnus Protocol in preparation for the second season coming out on Thursday, but I'm going to be listening to the epilogue and OH MY GOSH WHAT THE FUCK I FORGOT HOW HORRIBLE AND TRAGIC EVERYTHING IS AND EVERYONE IS GOING THROUGH IT LIKE WHAT DOES TEDDY HAVE TO SAY WHAT DOES COLIN HAVE TO SAY WHAT THE HECK CELIA POOR ALICE GWEN SAM WHAT IN GOD'S EARTH. I was listening to the last few episodes earlier and I was literally like, "I need to watch Supernatural, because where I'm at right now is less intense than where I'm at in the Magnus Protocol is."

Supernatural is great :) I finished season 2 on Friday and started season 3 yesterday and it's so great. Going to watch some more tonight after I watch Tracker with my dad. Then school tomorrow :( but my excitement for Cas to come in season 4 (just one season away!!!) is getting out of hand apparently because I lowkey dreamed about watching Lazarus Rising and seeing Cas last night, so then this morning when I woke up I was so disoriented that I thought I was on season 4 instead of season 3 and was like "YES I GET TO WATCH MORE CAS". Like I am absolutely adoring and devouring season 3 right now, the first two episodes I've seen have been amazing, but Cas I AM coming for you and when I get to you I swear I'll never let you go.

Anyway, off to probably watch the epilogue of TMP and maybe some other TMP content before Tracker, then SPN. Hope you all are doing good and having a good time <3

[osarquivosmagnus]

I'm terrible at theories and keeping track of dates and names and plot as the series goes BUT I was thinking right, what if the oiar works like a supressor of fears but not in the sense that they really wanna take them out but just keep them at bay..? I haven't lurked much on the theory side of tmp fandom so let me know if this makes no sense

I was thinking, what if the oiar is a web guided branch of the government much like the institute was controled by the beholding, and since the spiders are... Like That, they either know of the apocalipse from tma universe or know that it is possible to achieve but don't want it to happen? Along with the idea that the web doesn't vibe with ending the world (if we see the fears as parasites, they need their host to live for as long as they can, yeah? With hopes and dreams and love yada yada so they can actually feel genuine Fear and be proper food for the fears and avatars), instead of trying to kill off any avatar, they just keep them happy enough but not too murderous that they would atempt an actual apocalipse and tempt other fears into doing the same and actually succeding by coming up with the correct theory. So they have a more friendly relationship with other avatars and also have ways to keep an eye on lots of them..? This is just. Words I guess. But it's what I'm thinking

[unaskedformagnustheories]

Recap Notes: MAGP 12 "Getting Off"

Spoiler Warning: this is a purely selfish exercise in remembering what the hell happened last season (from someone caught up thru MAGP32, 3/6/2025 & all of The Magnus Archives). No promises I'll keep up with it.

Summary: Bonzo! Bonzo! Bonzo! Oh, and Sam is done with Magnus stuff, apparently. Pfft.

Casement: CAT1RB4728-09032024-13032024

Alice being the MOST ok with Sam & Celia is oof. As for Celia, It's a stretch, because we know she's busy with the whole sleepwalking to Oxford thing going on, but just pointing out that she pivots pretty quickly from hesitancy to agreeing to meet Sam under the clock at Leicester Square for their first date. A 10 minute from Soho Jack's (where Bonzo goes for a bro buffet). Most likely London is London and things are bound to be close every now and again, but if Celia wanted to do a little freelance investigation, I'm just saying it'd be a convenient trip to hop over and check it out. That's all.

Otherwise, great showing from Bonzo. His chant "he wants to play, he wants to stay" does make me wonder if his whole monching deal is what keeps him able to manifest / stay in this world to do it. A trade, like the one Celia's gearing up to make. And still no closer to defining CAT1 but at least worth mentioning most of our classic monsters do seem to filter into there. Mowbray, Bonzo, Ink5oul, Needles, Rupert the demon child, etc. Don't think it's as easy as "inhuman", but something to watch.

“I dream about it most nights. In the dream it digs through all those men to get to me, grabbing fistfuls of them and throwing them to smash against the wall. The strobe fires as its hands plunge into the pile of us and each flash shows a little less flesh between me and it, between me and all those teeth… Finally everyone else is gone. I raise my arm to protect myself and it gently but inexorably lifts it into its mouth, smiles and bites.”

Haven't been paying too much attention to dreams in TMP, but I might retroactively look to see if there's anything there. Doubt it'd be the same mechanism as Jon's dream hopping after he feeds from TMA, but suppose I shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater just yet. In general, I hope the more this mystery unfolds the more it's it own thing. I like the homages, and of course adore the source material, but I think it's a much more compelling game to take what we think we know and twist. Part of the reason I never tried too hard to fit any of the early casements into Smirke's 14. We don't know the rules here. That's the joy of playing. I will also be keeping a lazy eye out for mention of a Barry, Basil or Sebastian. With Gwen's upper class contacts, and the way she keeps her cards close to her chest, I wouldn't put it past her having known Baz before he was on the menu. Feels like a real Lena move to test Gwen's mettle by having her be responsible for the death of someone she rubbed elbows with.

GWEN You never wonder what the point is? Who benefits from all this awfulness?

ALICE I don’t wonder. I know.

GWEN What? (sitting up) Really?

ALICE Oh yeah. (portentous) I’ve known for a while, what we’re doing here. It’s all part of a grand plan to satisfy one of the most unspeakable evils known to mankind…

[Gwen’s on the edge of her seat.]

ALICE (almost a whisper) …the UK government.

[GWEN sighs, sitting back]

GWEN Thanks, Alice. Utterly useless as always.

Hilarious, but Alice's probably not wrong. Again.

[jonnywaistcoat]

Did you, in you buck-wildest dreams, expect such a « warm response » as the first 2 days’ performance of TMA2-TMP on Kickstarter?

Yes and no. The scale of the response? No, it's been far beyond what we expected - obviously the initial goal was set as low as physically possible (crowdfunders incentivise a really weird way of choosing targets/stretch goals and kinda force you to massively lowball yourself), so while we were hoping to significantly surpass our stated goal so we could do the show at the level we wanted to, it's shot a long way past that as well!

The timeframe doesn't surprise me at all, though. If it was going to happen, it was going to happen almost immediately - I've done enough crowdfunders over my career to be familiar with the shape of them, and if you have an existing fanbase to draw on you tend to make 40-50% of your final total in the first few hours and then gradually eke out the rest over the next four weeks, usually with a few small bumps from publicity and bit of a spike right at the end.

[universalcaffination]

Where It’s At

Highly recommend y’all listen to mister leonard nimoy’s discography because he has a very lovely voice, but there are also some very interesting songs laced throughout!

Where It’s At - written by Cy Coben for the The Way I Feel album released in 1968 - is a favorite example for this. It may have come out 11 years before The Motion Picture of 1979, but I feel like it foreshadows elements of the film in some of its lyrics rather well. Either that, or they looked back at this song and went “huh we should incorporate these themes somehow”

In summary: An unknown person is asking for mister nimoy’s/spock’s answer to the meaning of life and this song is his response, basically. he talks about how he struggled while looking for the answer to this question as well, before his answer came to him suddenly and that it’s love/emotion...

I too have been a prospector wandering through the maze/Buffed by the storms and jagged rocks of life/That tore the nerve ends of my hopes and dreams/And like yours my skin was much too thin to shield me from the inroads of my times

cutting the first few verses out to start here: a brief exploration of how he felt before TMP/during the five year mission or even before then, with the impression that his emotions are painful and overwhelming (and/or how he feels ostracized from vulcan and terran because of his other half), whether that includes all of his emotions or just any romantic feelings

The big machines, the strangling crimson tape/The hate filled moats that keep us from the other seekers/Searching too for the road to where it’s at

we don’t really know why spock leaves starfleet after the five year mission, but the above lyrics could be an insight to his reasoning. starfleet has become restrictive and he feels like he won’t find what he’s looking for in his search for the meaning of life anymore. spock at the beginning of TMP has almost completed kolinahr, which he at the time believes to be the best path to finding his answer. Of course, this is stopped and he joins the enterprise to intercept v’ger

But then, one day, the fog with in my mind began to clear/And for me the truth shown forth as brilliant as a thousand suns

melding with v’ger and experiencing all of the things v’ger’s learned over time, and how the lack of emotion makes all of that knowledge virtually meaningless - overwhelms him with how vibrant/intense it is. he literally gets knocked back in the middle of the meld because its too much all at once. saying that his mind was shrouded in a fog before the meld though is very telling, it suggests that, upon reflection, he can realize that he couldn’t really see what was around him and he was looking in the wrong direction when he left for vulcan and the kolinahr initially.

I had it all along with in my grasp, the answer/So simple that I almost didn’t see it/Its love

mhh learning from the meld that emotions aren’t a bad thing... and that “this simple feeling” he speaks about when grasping kirk’s hand really is love...

Loving someone more than you love yourself, loving so much that you trust, you give and you ask nothing in return/This is the purest form of love/And then/And this is the miracle/If the one your giving to believes as you, you’ve found it/The treasure you’ve been seeking, you’ve found out where it’s at

a great summary of their relationship throughout the five year mission and the movies, this idea that they care so much about one another and it comes in the forms of trust and sacrifice only for them to actually realize that its love after v’ger

~

some of mister nimoy’s albums are spock focused while others aren’t, and the way i feel seems to be a mixture of the two where it’s not always inherently stated that this is a song strictly about the character/universe of star trek, of course...

this song gives me vibes of spock during the second movie or later really, like one of his cadet comes to him asking for life advice and this is what he tells them, as the wise teacher with life experience

And of course, a link to the song itself for you to listen to:

https://youtu.be/qq64ASLfdOw

[pink-flame]

Lucky it Was Hotdogs

So! This is my gift for the @jatp-gift-exchange celebrating 6 months since the show came out. I just so happened to be assigned my friend @tmp-jatp as my giftee. Which is awesome because she’s awesome. She asked for angst and my first thought was my reputation is just going to get worse. 😂 And then I started writing, started over, changed to a different prompt two more times...had a few breakdowns but here we are! Basically all of my friends had to hear about my spiral the last couple of days so thank you and my apologies. 🙏 

T, I hope you like it! 💜💜💜

In some ways Luke thinks that it’s lucky it was hot dogs.

Of course, if he had been asked to choose a way to go back in 95 he probably would have said old and in his sleep. Or maybe he would have been a smart ass and said jumping the grand canyon on a motorcycle or playing an epic show in bad weather and having some sort of electrical incident (Reggie wasn’t the only one who had been involved in that amp incident not that he was in a hurry to tell Alex that). Contaminated hot dogs in an alley on the night of their big break probably wouldn’t have occurred to him and it definitely wouldn’t have cracked the top ten list of his requests.

But now that he’s in the future, with his band and with Julie and with their dreams once again a real possibility...he thinks the hot dogs would have been the right choice.

The truth is it doesn’t matter how tragic it is that three kids had their lives cut short at the same time it’s always going to be at least a little bit funny that they went from death by hot dog. It lets him use the tragedy as a means of teasing Julie as she bites into her sandwich and it lets Willie give Alex an affectionate nickname that’s only a little in bad taste. It lets Reggie hover behind Ray when Julie’s dad gets the grill out and clutch his stomach dramatically in a reenactment for his friends amusement. It lets Julie look at Luke like the fact that he is a ghost is mildly exasperating but not inherently upsetting, not like it would be if he was a walking reminder of a car accident or the cancer that took her mom.

So yeah, it’s lucky it was hot dogs.

Except...sometimes Luke wishes that it wasn't.

Sometimes he wishes that he had died from an illness or an accident or anything that would prompt someone to look at him and ask if he wanted to talk about it. Because...he does. Just sometimes. Wants to talk about how much it hurt. Wants to talk about how scared he was. Wants to talk about how even though being able to make music still (being able to make music with Julie) matters most it does bother him.

It bothers him that Julie is the only lifer he can touch (even though she would clearly be his first choice).

It bothers him that he fades into non-existence as soon as they stop playing.

It bothers him that he can’t even thank Julie’s dad for hosting their garage gig or show her brother that he’s holding it all wrong when he catches him strumming lightly on Luke’s guitar one day.

It bothers him that he won’t ever be anything other than what he is, a teenager with a guitar and a longstanding suspicion about the consequences of wearing sleeves while performing.

It bothers him that Julie will always be what she is now (an amazing teenage girl with a wrecking ball voice and a heart big enough to keep them with her through sheer force of will) but she will also become so much more.

An adult.

Someone with a job and a family and…

He can’t think about it.

Except he does.

Not all the time but often enough, especially at night when Alex is off with Willie and Reggie is watching tv with an unsuspecting Ray and Luke is wishing more than anything that he could find the escape of sleep.

So usually he ends up writing when he feels like this, seeking out the familiar sensation of pen flying over paper, words tumbling from the deepest recesses of his mind to collect into the shape of a song.

I know I’m being selfish

But feeling alive isn’t being alive

Feeling you breathe isn’t breathing

I just want this feeling forever

Instead I count every moment I’m stealing

“Why are you writing in the dark?” Julie’s amused voice cuts through the silence causing him to jump, a remnant of a time when he had anything to fear other than his own uncertain future.

He’s not sure if it’s a ghostly superpower or just the fact that he had been peering at his notebook from only about an inch away but it’s true, he hadn’t bothered to turn the light on and he saw it just fine.

The dark felt more appropriate somehow when he felt like this anyway.

She flips on the light and crosses the room to sink down beside him where he’s spread out on the floor. He’s so distracted for a moment by just how Julie she always manages to be (beautiful and amazing and distracting in the best way) that he doesn’t realize that she’s reaching for his notebook until it’s too late. He tries to snatch it back fruitlessly as she turns her eyes to the words he has scrawled across the page. He hopes momentarily that she won’t be able to make out his infamously illegible handwriting but his hopes are dashed when she reads out the last few lines in a thoughtful tone. He has a brief flash of affection at the realization that she must be his soulmate if she can read his handwriting.

He’s distracted from that thought though when he sees the smile slide off of her face only to be replaced with a tight frown before she turns to face him, concern shining in her eyes.

“I’m fine,” He says quickly, hoping to prevent any of his dark mood from seeping into the girl beside him.

The girl who has already known enough darkness for a lifetime.

“Every moment you’re stealing?” She quotes back to him, setting the notebook carefully back on the floor. “That doesn’t sound fine.”

He considers brushing off her concern, playing it off, claiming he’s not even writing from his own perspective anyway, that he doesn’t know where the idea came from.

He can do that because he may be dead but the culprit was hot dogs and that gives him an out to make a dumb joke and change the subject and keep things the way they are now.

And if it was anyone else he would have. But it’s Julie. And he’s Luke.

She can read his handwriting.

And she can read him too.

If he lets her.

“You know how you said your dad made you talk to someone after your mom died?”

She tilts her head, clearly not expecting this question. She answers it anyway.

“Dr. Turner,” She nods. “Three times a week for a while.”

“Did it uh…” Luke swallows hard, his throat suddenly impossibly dry considering he was pretty sure he wasn’t actually producing spit anymore period. “Did it help?”

Julie’s hand twitches in her lap and he can tell she is deciding whether she should touch him. He reaches out to toy with the frayed edge of her jeans where they burst open at the knee. The answer to whether Julie should be touching him is always a resounding yes in his opinion but he also wants to let her come to him. It hasn’t been that long since they’ve even been able to touch each other and despite how much they crave it there’s a lingering awkwardness after all the build up.

“Talking to someone?” She asks carefully. “Yeah, it did. After a while I felt like I needed space to sort through things on my own but by then I was able to talk with my dad and Flynn too.”

He nods, keeps his eyes firmly on the hole in her jeans.

“Luke…”

Damn.

He has to look at her when she says his name like that.

He raises his eyes slowly, meeting her soft ones with nerves he can’t quite place.

“You know you can talk to me, right? Always.”

Her question is so small and yet so big at the same time. Such a simple offer containing such a big promise.

Always.

Wasn’t that the problem?

His always might not line up with hers.

He could forget that fact for a bit when the band was hanging out and laughing over nothing or rocking a crowd’s face’s off or when Julie was smiling in that certain Julie way that seemed reserved only for him.

But he couldn’t forget forever.

And he couldn’t promise always.

So where did that leave him?

“Luke?”

She breaks him from his thoughts again and he pushes past his caution this time, reaching out to link her hand with his, their fingers slotting together effortlessly despite the way one of them isn’t really there.  

He isn’t really there.

Is he...real?

Luke suddenly feels a strange rush of panic, all of the thoughts he’s been pushing aside for months crashing through him at once.

He must have squeezed Julie’s hand inadvertently because he sees her flinch.

“Sorry, sorry,” He says breathlessly (not that he needs to breathe, he’s breathless, literally, he’s dead), drawing her hand up to press an apology against the skin there, his lips lingering for a long moment before he pulls away.

She’s not unaffected by his sudden actions, the way her eyes widen for a fraction of a second is proof enough of that, but she’s also determined and she doesn’t let him off the hook.

“Talk to me, Luke,” She says like an order and a request and a prayer all at once.

And he can’t deny her anything.

Not even this.

“I’m fine, I am...it’s just...I’m so happy that we ended up here with you Julie no matter what. I need you to know that ok? I just..I don’t...I don’t want…”

She waits as long as she can for him to finish that sentence but when he doesn’t seem prepared to, she leans closer, squeezes his hand, gives him that last push off the cliff he’s been teetering on the edge of for months.

“Don’t want what?”

“Don’t want to be dead.”

The words escape him in a hurried rush, one blending into another until it sounds like one long syllable of pain rather than a proper sentence. Still. He’s pretty sure the message got through.

“I know,” She says simply, her eyes sad but her touch impossibly gentle as her free hand comes up to cup his cheek. “I know, Luke, I know.”

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until she’s brushing his tears away with the delicate tips of her fingers.

And maybe he is real, at least a little bit if his eyes can still muster up the ability to leak like this and damn it why is that what he’s thinking about right now when the girl, the living girl, he loves is waiting for him to say something.

He wants to think of the perfect thing but what ends up coming out leaves a lot to be desired.

“Julie...I love making music with you. I love y...I love being in your life. But I’m dead. And maybe...maybe it would be better…”

“No,” She cuts him off firmly, gripping his chin lightly to turn his face more fully towards hers. “Whatever you think you’re about to say, the answer is no.”

“Julie…” He tries again.

She’s already shaking her head.

“I don’t care if you’re about to suggest some noble sacrifice or push me away or blame yourself for something...just...don’t.”

Any protest he has prepared dies on his lips, the slightest quirk of a smile taking their place even as a few stray tears make their way down his face.

“Ok,” He agrees simply.

Julie brings her other hand down to grip his knee as though she’s trying to keep him with her by anchoring him physically, making him part of her, making him real.

And that’s that.

It takes time.

A hundred aborted conversations with half confessions and unspoken requests for comfort and love freely given if not freely spoken.

But eventually he gets used to talking to Julie the same way he got used to writing with Julie and singing with Julie and falling in love with Julie.

So steadily he doesn’t feel the progress until one day he looks up and there’s no going back, not that he would ever want to.

He’s dead.

He can’t get around that.

He ate some bad hot dogs, and that will always be a little bit funny. It’s also sad and scary and tragic.

He’s dead.

But he’s also so alive.

He can’t promise always but he can promise as long as I’m here.

And he does.

Over and over and over again.

[electronickingdomfox]

Yeah, this is a really dark take for Star Trek standards. It gives an almost Lovecraftian, cosmic horror vibe. Kind of reminded me about some scenes from "The house on the borderland" as well.

I'd love to see it adapted to film, as long as they don't water it down. It seems Roddenberry wrote this as an early concept for a Star Trek movie, long before coming up with TMP. And he never gave up hope of seeing it someday on the screen as one of the movie sequels. Maybe one day his dream will become true.

Sooo, I found this outline that Gene Roddenberry wrote about a Star Trek… episode? Movie? I’m not sure. He calls it Star Trek IV, but it takes place at the end of the 5-year mission… probably? This is the website where I found it.

Anyway, I have no idea of what I just read, except for this:

I literally don’t get the rest of the story, when it was written or why, but this one part is all that matters :)