#hopefully we get some movies to replace the void in my heart

[freddos616]

i think the best thing about heartstopper is that there's 0 chance of it getting canceled bc it's the only queer show those bastards have :))))))))

[riathedreamer]

Zero is Null

A discussion of Zero’s love-hate-relationship with RvB and struggling independence; including a hotdog too big for the bun, tragic backstories, a single bow-chicka-bow-wow, and a cookie at the very end.

Welcome to what will be a lot of text. Basically, it will explore why Zero fails as an RvB (with emphasis on RvB) season. I will not be the first one to bring forth some of the points, and I promise to be fair and civil and fun. This isn’t supposed to be a piece of hate – in fact, I’m writing this because I love Red vs. Blue.

Okay, first of all, to increase your fun – take a guess on just how much of Zero is spent on fight scenes. You see, I’ve calculated the exact amount, and I will reveal it later, but for now, take a guess and remember the number. Maybe you are the winner!

Alright, time to share my thoughts. Wait! Since I suffer from anxiety and have this one annoying voice pretending to be all those critical statements my opinion could be met with, let’s give it an actual voice and address the points throughout this review.

“Why would I care about your opinion, Ria?” – I don’t know, you’re the one who clicked Read More.

“Your opinion doesn’t matter!” – Of course, it doesn’t! Geez. Do you think your opinion matters, though? Listen, we’re on Tumblr, the actual equivalent of screaming into the void. And it’s fun, too!

“If you don’t like it, don’t watch!” - *activates Uno Reverse Card* “You can’t talk about something you haven’t watched!”

“You’re just a Hater” – Actually, this is a point I’ll come back to. Like a cliffhanger. Also, at the end of this, there’ll be a cookie. But this will also include me talking about the stuff I like, because, surprise, Zero is not without talent!

“You just don’t like it because the Reds and Blues aren’t in it!” – Actually, that’s a good point, so instead, this review will start with a sole focus on Zero and discuss the problem that lies within that story. Then we can address why the lack of OG cast is understandable and problematic and weird.

But first! Backstory.

When the first 5 second teaser dropped back in spring (you know, when we were young and innocent and the world didn’t feel like an apocalyptic movie yet), I held onto that one image of what I thought (hoped) to be Grif and Simmons in the sunset, hopefully addressing Grif’s hateglue arc, but boy was I wrong because a) that’s not Simmons, that’s Sarge, and b) the image was from a PSA since the Reds are not in Zero.

Actual face-reveal of me below:

Admittedly, when I heard that the Reds and Blues were not going to be the main characters (or even show up), it felt like a gut punch. However, I actually found myself getting excited due to the creators’ hype. I want to praise them for this. It’s been a while since an RvB season was talked so much ABOUT before its release; it had advertisements, it had creators and voice-actors talking about it. Please. More of that in the future. Their passion rubbed off on me, and that deserves recognition. So it pains me that this was clearly a passion-project, and then when I gave it a try, I didn’t want to touch it again for weeks.

Here’s the thing. I cannot whole-heartedly say that Zero is bad. It’s not gonna melt your eyes. It’s not even so-bad-it’s-good. For me, it’s meh. It’s a Saturday-morning-cartoon aimed for a younger audience with a rushed plot and clichéd characters. The problem is that it calls itself RvB, and with that title comes something to live up to – but more importantly, something to continue.

My main issue is that Zero forces its story into existence by ignoring established content rather than adjusting to it. Let’s call this for the hotdog-too-big-for-the-bun syndrome solely for the sake of the bow-chicka-bow-wow that’s coming now. Bow-chicka-bow-wow. Many of the separate issues I will dive into all add to this hotdog-issue, so I will scream “Hotdog!” whenever this is the case so we can all keep track of my argument.

You can continue the story of Red vs. Blue without the Reds and Blues. While that would personally crush my heart, it can be done. There’s a story of Red vs. Blue that can be continued. The world can be expanded, the previous actions of the Reds and Blues can be explored from another angle.

So.

How does Zero do this? It doesn’t.

I just want to make it clear that new elements can definitely be added when it comes to worldbuilding. That’s literally the point of sequels. But Zero’s settings are presented with so little grace and with no connection to previously established worldbuilding. We get Alliance of Defense and GLASS thrown in our face as very big important organizations – yet we’ve never heard of them before. A big central plot point of RvB is the UNSC and Project Freelancers, and those were introduced naturally with the plot. We already have big established intergalactic organizations. What is AOD’s connection with those? We aren’t told. We are just told they exist and expected to accept it, no questions asked. If this was a whole new world and story – fine. But when you need to build on an already established worldbuilding, you need more grace than this. Chorus was a whole new setting, but it was explained, and it was connected to the previous plot. Same with Iris. Same with Desert Gulch. In Zero, it feels lazy. It feels forced. These organizations are just there because the story is built around them (HOTDOG).

This vagueness when it comes to wordbuilding is also reflected in the settings - we have a desert, a training base, a lab, temples, Tucker’s workplace, and we do not know if all those are set place on the same planet. If that is the case, what is this planet’s relationship with Chorus? Is it Earth? And most importantly, what is the deal with the temples? Why are they connected to Tucker’s sword if it isn’t the same planet. Are they made by the same aliens? Are people okay with this? Why haven’t these temples been explored before? Chorus makes sure to establish this, while Zero doesn’t, adding to a growing amount of confusion.

Okay, so no connection with previous worldbuilding. What about characters? I mean, we got Wash and Carolina and Tucker! So we have RvB characters, it gotta be RvB! Technically – yeah. But it feels dirty. These three characters are not here to be characters. They are here to be props to the new cast. They are not given any development. Their presence isn’t even that important, and if this was a whole new show, they could easily have been replaced with an unknown face. Worst of all, they feel miswritten.

Carolina and Wash are working at a new military organization? Leaving the Reds and Blues behind? To help people? First of all, fucking bad idea, Carolina, the last time you left the Reds and Blues alone, they changed the timeline. But most importantly – Carolina and Wash just joined this new super elite military organization? After being mistreated and manipulated by such an organization in the past?

Carolina is there to introduce the characters. That’s it. We are force-fed their personality by having her literally read out loud their personality. There is no gentle introduction to the new cast. We are not allowed to get to know them naturally. Why show when you can tell, huh? That’s Carolina’s role. That’s why she is there. To introduce the cast and explain their story. That’s it. (HOTDOG).

How about Wash? He is there to get beat up and be a damsel in distress so that the new cast has a reason to explore the plot. Oh, and that brain damage that was the consequence of previous seasons – gone now. The guy who literally has trauma from having an AI explode inside his head is fine with having a computer inserted into it instead. Because that’s needed. To explore his brain damage wouldn’t work now when his role is to be a prop to lure the new cast for one episode and then be put onto the bench for the rest of the runtime (HOTDOG).

And Tucker – he is there to die for a second and have his sword taken from him. That’s literally it. And for the few moments he is there, he feels like old super flirty Tucker, which erases the character development he went through in previous seasons. Okay, so Tucker dies, and then not dies, and then he is put on the bench with Wash where they can sit and talk or whatever (‘cause holy shit, the new cast is not allowed to that), because he isn’t important. The sword is. Tucker is just a prop, even more than his sword is (HOTDOG).

Damn. Wash gets beat up. Tucker gets beat up. Dies. Gets his sword taken away. Almost seems like a Red’s wet dream. Sorry not sorry, Blues, you were done dirty.

So there are miswritten old characters. Even worse is the retconning. The plot needs a “normal” Wash, so, bam, magic computer solution. Never mind Wash’s trauma and character traits. Never mind the logic of the new worldbuilding which also includes a character suffering for years to heal an illness. But the brain damage that was such a big consequence that it became the main part of the plot of the last two seasons – gone. I mean, a gunshot to the head can be healed by CPR. That’s canon. But no one gave Wash CPR so it’s a big thing, okay. It was canonically a big thing, and Zero erased that. This is not me saying that a Cerebral Enhancer couldn’t work in the RvB universe. Imagine it being done right. Wash struggling with the choice of getting used to his disability or accepting the possibility of help - at the cost of reliving his trauma. The struggle between what to choose - what should he choose when he wants to help as many as possible, the sacrifices he thinks he has to make, the way it could have been used as a part of his character growth. But in Zero, the enhancer isn’t a part of Wash’s character. It’s there so the story can work without having to deal with the previous plot’s consequence (HOTDOG).

Same with the sword thing. They sorta explain it by having Tucker flatline, but it’s weak. Honestly, I find it sorta offensive. What about Locus’ sword as well? It’s twisting previous lore to make the new plot work (HOTDOG). (Also, are we not gonna talk about the ultimate power being Spencer Porkensenson’s helmet? Have the writers forgotten Spencer Porkensenson? Have we as a community forgotten Spencer Porkensenson?)

If you have Red vs. Blue in your title, you cannot ignore what you inherit from it. You need to respect the worldbuilding, the established characters, and the previous plot. Zero does not do this.

Let’s talk about the Triplets. No, really, let’s do it. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about them before, because season 14 was a mixed bag for me (that I have now learned to appreciate. Thank you, Zero.) because I have heart at the size of the Grinch and can only love a few characters at a time, and that did not include the Triplets. Can’t even remember their names. Well, I can, but I can’t for the love of me remember which state is which, and my tongue is twisted every time I try to say Ohio, Iowa, and Idaho, and I know it’s on purpose. I know it is. And it got me good. That being said, the fandom actually embraced them really, really well! Seriously, I’ve seen more content for the Triplets than for Zero as a whole.

Why talk about the Triplets? (Was Iowa the lesbian? Or was it Ohio? Fuck.) Because like Zero, they introduced new characters with a story of their own. The Reds and Blues didn’t play a role. But here’s what I feel like the Triplets got right. They didn’t change the settings to force their narrative. They used stuff already established (Project Freelancer), added their own story as a continuation of that. They even included old characters in the beginning (Wash and some other Freelancers) but it felt natural and it didn’t feel like it happened at the expense of the old characters. Wash’s writing felt natural, and his presence wasn’t needed to tell these new character’s stories. He wasn’t a prop to them. He was there to establish the setting and to establish the relationship with these new characters, and then he and the other familiar faces (helmets??) left, and we as the viewers were left with these new characters. And the new characters told their own story by themselves. It felt like, hey, here’s something you know – remember Mother of Invention, and remember Wash’ lower rank, but now, try to imagine being even lower rank than him, aren’t you curious about those fates? Now let’s hear their story! It was new, it was something else, but it didn’t wreck what came before it, and it stayed true to the classic vibes of RvB.

As I said before, the hotdog-issue is my biggest problem with Zero. It infuriates me. I will return to this. But there are more issues, even if we try to look past the title-related problems.

If we try to imagine Zero as its own story and universe (as it should be, in my opinion), it still earns the meh review from me.

These isolated issues include awkwardness, the writing, lack of self-awareness, and pacing. First of all, holy shit, this is a tell, don’t show. Nothing is subtle, nothing is allowed to develop. It’s like the show thinks you are six years old with an attention span of a goldfish. You are not just led by the hand – they have literally pulled off your arm by the end of the show. We are force-fed every bit of information, every bit of personality from these new characters.

The voice-acting is a mixed bag for me. Sometimes it’s pretty good, sometimes it’s not. Some of the problems can definitely be blamed on the dialogue that you can only do so much with. It’s not good. I can’t remember any good jokes (the one joke I really appreciate was the cast on armor, and that was freaking visual humor. That was so RvB. Kudos to that. It was fun. More of that, please.), and RvB is known for having memorably good lines. This is a show built on good, clever, funny dialogue. Zero does not deliver. You have to sit through clichéd lines – “You’re not my dad”, “I trusted you”, “Come with me”, “It can’t be!”, “She’s way too powerful”, and “We have to do this together” – performed unironically. I cringed more than I laughed. Worst thing is that Zero could be a good parody. Sometimes, it feels like it is. One-dimensional characters, a villain wanting ‘the ultimate power’, very overpowered characters, bad one-liners, etc. But Zero takes itself seriously, and I was one of the people rooting for Jax to show up at the end and yell “Cut”. That would have been a funny-as-fuck twist. A spin-off parody. If I can’t have “Sarge the Movie”, I would have taken that and loved it. I would have forgiven everything. “We put so much info into finding that power, but we had no idea what it was” is really a line in the finale, and I cannot believe this is real in a show that somehow still tries to present itself as serious. What a plot.

We have to talk about pacing. God, first of all it should be stated that RvB is a mess when it comes to pacing. I honestly get what they were going for. Sometimes, RvB has come across as a bit boring when you get three episodes stretched over three weeks without much going on. I know season 11 did not have the warmest welcome because it was seen as boring until the finale. But when you see season 11 as a whole, as a movie, as a part of a trilogy, it works so well. Zero is more focused on being episodic. They want something to happen all the time so we will stay tuned. The thing that will happen – a fight. Oh god. The fight scenes.

I have done the math. I have run the numbers. I deserve a freaking cookie for this. Are you ready?

If you put all the episodes together, you have a runtime of 106 minutes. HOWEVER, with the introduction of credits in every episode, you gotta account for this. Removing the credits, this gives us 94 minutes of actual runtime. Out of that, 45 minutes are dedicated to fight scenes. That means 48% of the show is fight scenes.

If I wanted that many fight scenes, I’d watch Death Battle. Except the actual RvB Death Battle episode has a runtime of 20 minutes, and out of that, 5 minutes is dedicated to the actual battle. For the people who hate math – that’s 25% of the actual runtime.

RvB Zero has more fight scenes than a show called Death Battle. Take that in.

The pace suffers from this. Where’s the time to explore the characters? Where’s the time for good dialogue? All I can think of is this:

I get that RvB is a show that’s literally making fun of itself by acknowledging all their characters do is stand around and talk. I get that you want characters to do more than that. But for the love of Church, would it kill the new characters to stand around and talk? For just a minute? Stop fighting, I am begging you, stop fighting! Am I a pacifist now? Am I purple? Have I joined Doc’s team? What has Zero done to me?!

The good thing though is that fight scenes are very good. They’re entertaining. However, they seem to deconstruct themselves when we need to get a fight scene in every episode. Usually, the few fight scenes in an RvB season were in some of the most climatic episodes. In Zero, I can hardly keep up with the pace because they won’t stop moving. Fight scenes aren’t plot. They aren’t character development. You need more than just fight scenes. They entertain, but there’s a limit to that.

Noël Wiggins, the co-writer, stated the inspiration was a Saturday-morning cartoon. They nailed that vibe. If that was their goal, hurray, they have accomplished something! Because of the poor plot and constant fight scenes, it feels like you could just switch on the TV and drop in at any moment and let yourself be entertained by the cool and colorful soldiers punching and kicking each other. I will admit that the fight scenes entertained me. But they don’t make it a good season.

If I were the six-year-old with the attention span of a goldfish that the show believes I am, I honestly would enjoy it. The stiff dialogue and the constant tell-don’t-show makes you feel like an audience that’s not supposed to do anything else but admire the flashy fight scenes. I miss the cleverness of RvB. I miss the characters I get to connect with as I see them grow.

I miss the tone of RvB. Because this isn’t RvB to me.

It’s not that RvB hasn’t changed its tone before. Holy shit, I sorta do want to experience the absolute shock the RvB fandom went through when s6 aired and they were given new characters and serious plot. I would have loved to experience that, but I was too busy being ten years old. The Freelancers seasons also introduced a new tone and more fight scenes with very talented fighters compared to the Blood Gulch gang, but a balance was kept by having half of the season still revolving around the Reds and Blues. But Zero – Zero is so much change. And it’s on purpose. At least this has been made very clear from the beginning.

They constantly seem to appeal to new fans, rather than be directed towards older fans of the show. If you want an entirely new audience with a season with a new cast, new worldbuilding, and new tone, I’m confused as to why they don’t just make a new show. The hotdog-problem begs for this solution. This story and environment and characters feel so out of touch with the original RvB, that with a few rewrites and lack of Halo-armor, it could just be a new show. Problem solved.

If not this, then present it as a spin-off. In all ways, it feels like a spin-off (again, see everything marked HOTDOG). But the creators refuse to do this, and I don’t understand why. I could forgive many of these issues, had they officially separated themselves from canon.

Ah, what’s the idiom? You can’t both swallow and blow? (You can hear the Bow-chicka-bow-wow in the distance). Something about eating cake and having it. Forgive me, English isn’t my native language. POINT IS why are you calling yourself RvB while actively fighting against the core essence of RvB? In my humble opinion, you can’t be both. Marketing it as a spin-off would have granted it some defense when changing, well, literally everything, and I just, would someone please properly describe why it isn’t a spin-off? Isn’t this season marked by its association with the plot of RvB rather than a continuation of it? Zero presenting itself as not a spinoff feels like a toddler clinging to the hem of its mother’s dress while forcefully running away from her, ripping the dress in the process.

When they do connect with the original RvB, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. When they let Carolina, Wash, and Tucker appear for a moment, it feels like luring viewers in with the RvB title. Look at me. Look at me! I’m not saying this is the case. I say that it gives me the annoying vibes of being lured, rather than letting the characters be a part of the show for their own development, rather than having RvB in the title to continue its story. I should not be getting these vibes at all. But I am.

If you want to use RvB in the title, something from the core of RvB needs to be embraced. Things can be changed. They should. Something new should be brought in. But there’s a limit to how much you can change and replace and twist until it would have been better with an original show. As a season of RvB, it should tell the story of Red vs. Blue.

From my perspective, Zero fails to do so.

It pains me that the old cast has been replaced, but as stated earlier, a season could have worked without them. However, I do not like the take that one should be excited about all the new characters. That it isn’t a big thing that the OG cast got replaced. That we should just deal with it. Just, try to imagine another show suddenly replacing the main characters with characters we’ve never met before. Imagine RWBY suddenly only focusing on a new team of huntresses with the previous main characters reduced to an Easter Egg presence, or Camp Camp suddenly being about a new team of campers, no warning given. Can you imagine the outcry? So maybe let’s agree that a replacement of the main cast is a big thing and should be addressed and it’s valid to be upset about this change.

Could Zero have worked? It’s hard to answer this. How can I accept something as RvB if the season actively pushes away the core of RvB aside for an isolated story that could have been told in any other media? As a spinoff, I could have ignored it. To enjoy Zero, I have to fully separate it from RvB in my mind, and then it’s alright. S’not good. But it’s not bad. It’s entertaining enough. I really ended up liking Raymond and Tiny, and there were a few good jokes, and the fight scenes were admirable (but too much) and I love the creators’ passion. But it’s not RvB. I also wish that the new characters had been attached to previous worldbuilding, for example soldiers on Chorus or agents from Project Freelancer. That way we could build on familiar lore which would have decreased the confusion and added a much needed connection with the previous seasons of RvB.

God, the anxious voice is back (by the way, it sounds like Tutter from “Bear in the Blue House”).

“You’re racist” – I hope not. Literally, I do not want to be. Tell me if I’ve ever crossed some lines, because I swear, that is not my intention, I will apologize and most of all, change and do better. I included this because I’ve seen this take thrown around in the big ugly mess that is the fandom clashes regarding Zero. And racism is problem within RT community (this includes AH and RvB, sorry, I just use RT as an umbrella term for the latter), and I’m not saying it hasn’t been a problem with this season. Writers should never be harassed, and never-fucking-ever because of their skin color, and voice actors shouldn’t be treated like they are responsible for the choices of the show. But I was legit nervous to post this review, and I hope it’s been factual without feeling like personal attacks on the creators because that has never been my intention. I was delighted to hear about the diversity behind this project, and Torrian’s passion legit blew me away because it’s been a while since I’ve seen that for an RvB project. I’d hoped for it to be good, and when I feel disappointed, it’s for the reasons stated in this analysis. That said, Zero is made by a diverse cast and it’s made with love, and both of those things are so, so great, but it does not mean that Zero cannot be criticized. It can, and it should. It’s a product, just like all the other seasons, and fans are allowed to discuss it – both what they loved, and both what they found troublesome. And to repeat previous points, and be respectful, always, fuck racists, and never-fucking-ever harass the staff behind a season, what the fuck is wrong with you if you do this.

“Don’t you get it, it’s different because it’s trying something new!” – Hey, remember the philosophical question: if you replace all the parts of a ship one-by-one, is it still the same ship when you’re done? If it doesn’t include the Reds and Blues, if it ignores previous plot, if the old characters feel miswritten, if it values animation over dialogue, if it values fight scenes over comedy, if it wants to be Fast and Furious instead of Red vs. Blue – is it still Red vs. Blue? Because it doesn’t feel like it to me.

“It's been 17 seasons, it’s time to let the Reds and Blues go so someone else can shine!” – I simply do not understand us having been with the Reds and Blues for 17 seasons should be an argument to let them go, rather than be an argument as to why their absence hurt like hell.

“The Reds and Blues ran out of things to do!” – Did- did they, though? I mean, if we were discussing pretty much any other show, I’d probably agree that they were running out of content. But for the Reds and Blues… I think the PSAs nailed it this year! I’m not kidding, I had more fun watching the Reds and Blues discuss how to do laundry than watching Zero. You could literally give me an hour of the Reds and Blues trying to bake a cake or clear a gutter or simply settling down with an ordinary life, and I would trust them to make it worth the watch.

“The flaws were due to the fact it’s only 8 episodes long!” – Look, I can only judge a product the way it’s presented to me. I cannot come up with excuses for it. If they had 8 episodes to work with, they need to come up with a plot that works with this runtime. Seriously, this excuse cannot work when 48% of the season is spent on fight scenes. They could have used more runtime, sure, but the show needs to be able to pace itself and be planned accordingly.

“The OG cast couldn’t be a part of this year, hence Zero!” – That might be true. But. Would one year without RvB kill it? Is Zero necessary? Again, I just can’t judge excuses for the show. But trouble with the cast has been an issue before. Season 15 solves Geoff’s sabbatical by actually making Grif’s absence a part of the plot. Zero’s lack of Reds and Blues just feels like this excuse to tell a story that needn’t be a part of RvB.

Am I a hater? I guess? I greatly dislike Zero for the critique stated above. I do, however, not harass the creators and no one should ever do that. However, I have to admit that I feel there’s been this weird rejection of any critique of Zero where everything’s been brushed off as haters gonna hate, including the critique stated above. And I think that’s a problem because critique, as hard as it can be to hear (and I know this. I’m an author of original works. Weird flex, I know), is valid and necessary and shouldn’t just be shrugged away. As always, both sides of the fandom should always be respectful, but my own opinion is that addressing the flaws of Zero should not be controversial.

Does this super long rant/critique/whatever mean you cannot enjoy Zero? Gods no! I almost envy you if you enjoy this season, but holy shit, feel free to love it and tell the creators that you love it! Me pointing out the issues I have with the season shouldn’t be stopping you. I loved (and still love) s15 when it came out, and it was majorly rejected by the fandom. There were many, many critical posts, people were going on about how RvB should have ended with s13, and it evolved into the writer receiving death threats (me, once again: never ever harass the creators, assholes). But I didn’t tell people to stop being negative. I actually agreed with many of the flaws that were pointed out, and I enjoyed the season despite this, because that is possible. We, as RvB fans, should agree that RvB, is... I mean, it’s not the greatest, most flawless of shows, but we love it nonetheless. So go ahead and love Zero. This is not a stop sign. This is my opinion that you chose to read.

Wait, I promised you a cookie, didn’t I? Well, you’re not getting one. Why? Because I’m a Red and this is my chance to piss off a Blue. As Caboose wisely said: “Well, at least I don't go around... knocking on people's non-doors... and promising them cookies... and then NOT. GIVING. THEM. COOKIES!”

Blue Team sucks.

End speech.

[sevenincubistolemyheart]

I saw you call yourself a teen wolf slut so with that in mind who is your favorite/least favorite teen wolf character and why👀😏

Gasp!

You...ooh this is so hard!!

Teen Wolf is actually my favorite show of all time so...I can't help myself I'm doing top 3 favorites and top 3 least IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER i can't choose between my 3 loves-

Okay, here we go! Hope this is to your liking anon!

Favorites:

Stiles Stillinski(but especially Void):

Ohhh Stiles. Dylan O'Brien is still my favorite actor of all time to this day for this role. The one actor I follow and watch every movie he's in. What a genius. I'm serious.

His body language? Spot on. Expressions? Memorable as heck. Line delivery? Amazing. Acting ability? Astronomical.

Normal Stiles already had such a fucking RANGE; from sarcastic and funny to depressed to excitable to hateful. Ugh. Brilliant. And then Void came in and it was like something in him literally snapped. I've still never seen anything like it. He looks so...so at home in his role as Void. Part of what makes him unnerving as shit in my opinion.

Truly masterful.

...and yet another one to owe my fear kink to after Scream and Billy Loomis. Blame him for Void being in Tainting Purity. Important to note that although his name is Void and he uses Dylan O'Brien as a face claim he actually isn't the one from the show. He's still his own character. I just...had to use Dylan because he was so perfect. 😅

Allison Argent:

I made the tough decision to replace Aidens spot on this list with my girl. She's...so me it hurts. Her monologue about not wanting to weak is still something I'll go watch when I feel lost. All the female characters of this show helped shape a lil piece of who I am but she had the biggest relatability at first and damn did it stick. Right to the very end. 😭

Issac Lahey:

So...Issac was a BIG self comfort for me. Nearly every character in this show can and is that for me but him especially shhh. Isaac's story deeply touched me with his father. I went through some stuff as you guys may have seen earlier today although not physical or half as intense as Issacs. It still served as this reminder that I wasn't alone.

And seeing him develop connections, slowly open up, fight through his trauma to create HIS family?

Damn. That shit got me.

Also; I may have been desperate to be ler'd and/or absolutely reamed by him and Aiden since that one scene in the track field. Curse my love of Bully/Bullied but sign me tf up- give me a protective, friend Issac which Aiden picks up on and then wants her for himself. Competition endues until eventual threesome at Readers behest.

Least Favorite(This kinda turned into a second fave list whoops-)

Little note that I find something to like in nearly every character so even the people here have good in some regard!

Gerard:

Ah Gerard. There from the beginning there to the end. What a crafty son of a gun...lucky for us Scott was craftier and had his friends to back him up hn?

His first use with the Kanima was probably my favorite but he was just...so evil ugh. And not in the good way. It was between him and Monroe and he won out since he was around so much longer.

Peter:

...Peter is that guy everyone hates to love but does anyway XD. His dry sarcasm and banter with Stiles are iconic- BUT his morals are grey as shitttttt. And he's selfish as Hell. Which I mean, fair. But still.

Theo:

Okay I needed to get my evil sadist baby on the list somehow okay-!? I fear him and I love that he makes me scared and feeds my filthy fear kink gonna be honest. Was in love from the very first twist scene with his "parents". Need to be wrecked by him and Void yesterday!

...maybe I have a lil bit of a villain threesome need with this show whoops 🤷‍♀️

Honorable mention to Ducalion because Gideon Emery is another fave of mine(him, Cody(Theo) and Tyler(Derek) actually just worked together on FF7 remake fun fact. I screamed and was so proud they all killed it!) And his ark was AMAZING. That ending with Scott? PLEASE.

Same to Ethan, and more begrudgingly Jackson. Didn't really earn it thanks to the lack of screen time but I'll give it to 'im cause of Ethan and that iconic scene from the last season as well as their chemistry.

Let's see...oh Derek and Lydia of course. Scott as well as Melissa. Gods, Chris too...too many good characters like I said 🤣.

...Also Danny. My baby boy deserved better. Much as I loved my 2nd gay baby Corey Danny was the OG and we never got any explanation for why he knew about supes. I headcanon that he's a Seer personally!

Okay this got super long! Hope you like it dear anon like I said it's my fave show so fee free to ask anything you like! I have tons of fandoms guys so chat me up about Miraculous Ladybug, Undertale, Xenoblade Chronicles 1 and 2(haven't finished 1 yet but have 2), Scream(horror in general), and Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts and Zelda games! Oh and The World Ends With You of course!

Okay have a great day y'all gonna doze but I'll answer everything when I'm back up at 7!

I'm looking forward to lots of asks hopefully~

[notalone91]

All’s Well That Ends Well (To End Up With You)

Richie Tozier x Eddie Kasbrak (It: Chapter 2)

Richie and Eddie face their fears and, this time, Pennywise really doesn’t have anything to do with it.

tw: canon character death, momentary suicide contemplation, R for language.

a/n: Who let me have a new movie to be obsessed with?  Fun Fact: I’ve had a lowkey crush on Bill Hader for a long time (like since EARLY in the SNL years...) and it sort of ebbs and flows and... uh... right now it’s HIGH FUCKING TIDE.  You know what that means!  Time to make the pretty man’s character cry!!!

"Next time, we pick regular scary," Richie yelled as they ran down the tunnels toward the cavernous space where the rest of the Losers were still- hopefully- fighting Pennywise.

Eddie gasped for breath, wishing for a moment that he hadn't just set his inhaler on fire. "Next time?!" he squawked, shoving him lightly, not wanting to even entertain the thought of having to do this again. In his mind, maybe, in twenty-seven more years, he'd be able to shake off the guilt of what had just happened upstairs. Sure, he was afraid. That's all well and good. Most of the time, fear keeps you on your toes. Fear gets moles checked. Fear's tire pressure is checked regularly and the spare is in perfect condition. Fear turns the NFC setting off before walking away from the register. Fear becomes a risk analyst because what else does it do. Fear is safe and ready and aware. Until you're battling a monster for whom fear is a teenage boy in a microwave snack commercial. Then, fear is a liability. It's a weapon you've forged but never get to wield.  Fear is what gets you killed.  "There had better not be a fucking next time.  If there's a next time, we're all dead."

"Stop saying that, man," Richie said, tugging his still skittish friend into a small branch-off from their path. He struggled to pull his arm away and get back to the rest of their group but was fairly easily restrained. If there was one thing that his newfound memories had instilled in Richie, it was that their best shot at this shithead was together. "You weren't-"

"I was! I was going to let you die!" As he said them, the impact of his words hit Eddie like a ton of bricks. The shock and hurt on Richie's face was payment in kind. He folded his arms and took a step back, looking at the ground. "I froze. It had you and I couldn't..." He trailed off. His memory hadn't come back as clearly as the others yet. He wasn't sure what a lot of what was coming back to him meant. Soft touches, shared glances, hushed whispers mixed with the normal smacks and eye rolls and jokes about his mother. The only thing that was clear about it was the knot that developed in his stomach whenever he looked at Richie. There was something there. And not the bonds of escaping death. He certainly didn't get this feeling when he looked at Bill or Bev. This was different. Watching it set its sights on Richie, he felt himself completely detach from reality.  "I couldn't..."

Richie absentmindedly dug his fingers into his elbow.  “What, Eds? You were scared! This whole thing is nuts!”  He turned and started to pace, adjusting his glasses every time they began to slip.  “I am pretty sure if we hadn't all done this before, we'd have shit our pants and got the fuck out of dodge. You were stabbed in the face, for fuck's sake.”  His movements began to calm and he stared at him, gauze covering the too-fresh wound on his cheek.

“Yeah. And then what?”  Eddie spat, staring at his feet and cradling himself tighter.  “I'd be the guy who watched the only person he's ever loved get torn apart by some fucking spider version of...”  Just like in the movies, he could almost hear the record scratch to a stop and the glass shatter.  He had not meant to say that.  He was married.  His life was in New York and Richie’s was in L.A. and what difference did it make if he’d loved him when he was twelve?  His heart raced, betraying his panic, but all he could manage was a whispered  “Fuck.”

The tunnel grew eerily silent.  The two men stared at each other, willing the other to speak.  Richie couldn’t believe it.  

Over the years, he’d grown used to being alone.  Sometime since returning to Derry, he’d realized he’d been leaving room for Eddie to come back into his life.  He’d always look for someone’s reaction to his jokes, even alone.  Part of why he never wrote his own material was because no one on his team got them.  His assistants tried.  They really tried.  Time, now, made it all so clear.  He’d spent the last twenty-seven years trying to replace him.  Even moments before, his fears had manifested themselves as a closet.  How typical.  An aging queer literally terrified of a fucking closet.  Nothing had changed.  He’d let himself repress that whole aspect of himself because what difference did it make, truly, if Eddie wasn’t by his side?

He blinked back a few tears, finally finding his voice, breathless though it may have been.  “You loved me?”  

Eddie spluttered a few times but he couldn’t make himself clarify what he’d said.  Truthfully, it hadn’t required any clarification.  It was out there in the open and he’d said it and, terrified though he was he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.  If only it hadn’t been while standing ankle-deep in grey water and feet away from a physical manifestation of their deepest, darkest fears.  He simply snapped his mouth shut and silently pleaded for him to drop it.

“Eds?” Richie asked again, taking a step closer to him.  He reached his hand out and rested it gently on Eddie’s arm. 

As though scalded, he retracted his arm and turned away, shouting, “We don't have time for this!”  He could feel the flush of his cheeks and praised whatever God was looking over this godless place for the light not quite reaching them.

Having exactly none of his aversions this time, Richie chased after him.  “God damn it, Eddie! We could both die down here and if it's my last chance to hear you say it, I want to hear it!”  He clasped his hands around Eddie’s arms and shook him lightly.  “Just fucking say it!”  Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, beginning to fall freely.  “I need to hear you say it!” he begged.

Eddie shrugged him off and backed away, the familiar fear rising up in his throat.  “Hear what? 36 hours ago, neither of us remembered who the other was!”

“Fuck! Do I have to say it first?” Richie conceded, backing himself against the wall for support.  “I love you.”  His words were more of a shout than he’d have liked.  They echoed around the cave, trying to make up for lost time.  The power of his voice shocked them both a little.  Richie wrapped his arms around his middle and stared at his feet, unable to look him in the eye.  “I've loved you since we were kids.  I've loved you since before I was old enough to actually know what that meant. Jesus,” he sighed, resting his head against the wall, “for the past 27 years, there's been this stupid void that I could never fill.”  He finally managed to bring his eyes to Eddie.  He took a step toward him and reached out to swat his arm.  “It was you, fucker.”  He gave a bittersweet smile and shook his head, almost unable to believe how long it had taken him.  “You and your stupid hypochondria and your answers for everything and your neverending...”  When his eyes met Eddie’s, he startled himself.  Eddie’s expression didn’t come across as pleased or anything even remotely positive.  All Richie could see was fear and immediately, he began berating himself for even mentioning it.  He sucked in his lips and threw his hands up in defeat.  “You know what? Forget it. We all will soon enough anyway.”

A pressure built in his chest as he watched the moment begin to slip away, and this time, it wasn’t an asthma attack.  “No!” Eddie whimpered, moving toward him and catching his hands, pulling him in closer.  “I won't forget.”  He brought the taller man’s hands to rest around his neck and cupped his jaw, realizing for the first time how much lighter his eyes had gotten over the years.  “Not this time,” he assured, leaning up to bridge the gap between them with a deep kiss that should have happened years earlier.  

Richie nearly fell backward at the sudden force.  He let his hands weave into his neatly coiffed hair and disheveled it in a way he’d wanted to for ages.  He’d forgotten so much but now... Now, he was sure he’d remember this forever, not that he planned on having to.  There’d be time.  So much time.  But for the time being, this would have to wait.  When he reopened his eyes and took him in, he realized something off.  “Were you on your tippy-toes, Eds?” he asked, laughing gently.

With an abrupt sigh, Eddie rolled his eyes and gave him a light shove.  “Oh, shut up,” he laughed, pulling him in again by the edges of his shirt and kissed him once more.  He smiled against his lips, despite himself, and muttered “Asshole.”

“I mean, it's cute,” Richie said, straightening up and letting his hands fall to the small of his back, “you have to reach for your prize.”  He puffed out his shoulders dramatically like he was some sort of amalgamation of Prince Charming and Superman all wrapped into one.

“Fuck you,” he said, pushing off of him and starting to, with newfound confidence, walk back to where the rest of the Losers were fighting a much more tactile set of fears.  “And don’t call me ‘Eds,’“ he called over his shoulder.

Richie let his gaze linger on Eddie a little longer than he’d ever done so intentionally, willing his memory to cling to every last inch of him.  Then, he started walking slowly behind him.  His stomach formed a tight knot as his mind settled on what they were about to do.

Before they reached the mouth of the tunnel, Eddie paused for a moment, letting Richie pass him.  “Hey, wait,” he called.  Despite the chill coursing over him, he realized there was something he hadn’t really said.

“What?” Richie asked, turning back to face him.

Eddie reached his hand for him and laced their fingers together, marveling at how right it felt.  “I love you, too.”  He smiled up at Richie and wrapped his free arm up around his neck, breathing him in.  Richie pressed his cheek against the top of his head.  Neither wanted to admit the overwhelming dread they were holding in.  At least dread wasn’t fear.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Richie heard a voice in the back of his mind.  It was Eddie, when they were young.  They were standing in the middle of the road in front of the house at 29 Neibolt Street two weeks before Georgie disappeared.  Bill had insisted on a hybrid game of Truth or Dare and Ding Dong Ditch, bored of their normal antics.  Stanley had already had his turn, having to ditch from the charred house on Harris Avenue.  He sat leaning against the handlebars of his bike and watched smugly as Eddie made his way up the path.  He got about halfway to the door and froze, staring at an upstairs window.  “This is fucking insane! I'm not staying here another minute.”  He turned around and hopped back on his bike, sending a booming “Fuck you guys!” over his shoulder.

“Hey, Eddie, wait up!” Richie called to him and sped off in pursuit, laughing a little at his friend.  After all, it was just a house.  

It was just a house.

It was just a house that led to the center of Derry’s sewer system.  It was just a house that was possessed by an evil shape-shifting clown.  It was just a house where they kept having ridiculous near-death experiences.  It was just a house where Pennywise had nearly taken Richie with the deadlights just moments prior.  It was just a house where Eddie had mustered up his courage and freed him from the grasp of it.  It was just a house where the fucking clown had impaled Eddie, spraying his blood all over Richie.

“Richie,” Eddie groaned, falling onto his side with a thud.

Clamoring to be next to him, not even noticing the amount of blood that had been spilled onto him, he started trying to put pressure on the gaping wound in the center of his chest.  “Ed!”  He scooted closer, taking the man in his arms, shaking, trying desperately not to make things worse.

A shaky breath carried out his name.  “Richie...”  His hands searched to grasp onto his shirt.  He clung to Richie, as though it would keep him.  

Tears fell quickly from Richie’s stunned eyes.  “Eds, it’s okay.  I’m here.  I’ve got you,” he said.  He appraised the wound for a moment and looked up at his friends for a moment, pleading for one of them to say it wasn’t that bad; that everything would be fine.  “You’re alright.  We’re gonna get you out of here.”  He stared at the pooling blood under his hands and ignored it.

That was the key, wasn’t it?  If he believed that Eddie would be okay, he would be.  If he ignored it, it was simply a trick.  It was one of Pennywise’s mind games.  It was nothing.  They’d get him out of here.  They had to.

“I got him, Richie.  I- I got him,” he stammered, as a drop of blood began to form at the corner of his mouth.  

Richie smiled, trying his best not to let his expression show even a trace of the panic that was building in his chest.  There was nothing any of them could do for him, at least not down here.  “You did, Eds.  You got him good.”  

Every breath Eddie took seemed to be more shallow and more pained than the last.  They had to get him out of here.  Richie placed his hand on Eddie’s cheek fondly, forcing him to stay focused on him with an encouraging nod.  “Now, let’s get you moving.”  

Eddie groaned with effort but couldn’t do much to get himself off the ground.  Richie slid himself under his arm and moved to act as a crutch.  “Bill, help me out here.”  Their friend stared at them, unmoved, paralyzed by the shock of how everything had unfolded.  He held a little tighter to a sobbing Bev but didn’t so much as acknowledge that he was being called for.  Richie shook his head and looked up at the next person.  “Ben?”  No response but a pitiful shake of his head.  Richie couldn’t understand why no one would help him.  He shot a pleading stare at Mike who steeled his jaw and pawed at his eyes.  He turned back to him and let his hands linger a little too long, a little too gently.  “Alright, Eds, on the count of three,” he said and leaned down to let him grip tightly around his neck.

“Don’t call me Eds, fuckface,” he whispered.  Richie gave a soft laugh and dug his hands into the back of Eddie’s shirt.  

Eddie knew, deep down, that he wasn’t going to make it out of this cave, but he wouldn’t let Richie think he was giving up.  In reality, he just wanted him to hold him until he was gone.  He supposed he would take what he could.  He wrapped his arms around him in as much of a hug as he could.  Eddie pressed his face into Richie’s neck and took a deep breath.  He nodded and made a soft noise that Richie took to mean “I’m ready.”

Richie took a deep breath and said, as confidently as he could, “Alright.  One... Two...”

From behind him, a shrill voice teased along “One... Two...”

Pennywise.  It was still alive.  He could vaguely hear his friends screaming as the clown sprung to life “Shit," he hissed, trying desperately to wrench him from the ground so they could make their getaway.

“Shit is right, Richie," the old clown sing-songed. "You want all your little friends to find out what you’re hiding?" He twitched his fingers toward the pair and then continued to extend until they were nearly touching Richie.  He stumbled back, maneuvering Eddie just out of the clown’s reach and scrambled in front of him.  "What’s that behind your back?  The boyfriend you’ll never get to have?”

Regaining his focus on the moment, Richie stood and chased the elongated fingers to the hand to which they belonged.  “Listen here you fucking pile of antique used colostomy bags,” he yelled, “there is nothing you can say to me that will make me think you’re anything but an intergalactic crybaby!”  As he landed the last word of the sentence, the clown began to take the form of a giant baby.  

As the group’s insults grew, the being shrunk and they realized the power of their words.  The smaller they could make him, the more likely it was that they’d win.  They believed they could and they did.  When they’d finally turned the little shit into the tiniest thing they could, Eddie and Bill reached in together and tore out his shriveled, still-beating heart.  One by one, the Losers hands joined together and they crushed the core of It’s being until finally, they’d won.  

Richie turned back to face Eddie and tell him they’d done it; that Pennywise was gone forever.  It hadn’t all been for nothing.  He went to call out his name, but the word stuck in his throat at the sight of his vacant, unfocused stare and still chest.  Richie ran the few steps to his side and slammed to his knees, putting pressure on the wound that had stopped bleeding.  He grasped desperately at Eddie’s shirt, his face, his hair, he shook him a little, trying to rouse him.  Even as Bev kneeled behind him, trying to make him see reason, his hearing swirled to nothing.  All he could focus on was the pattern of his own breathing, his own heartbeat, and the search for any sign of that on Eddie.  Tears made his vision swim.  Once more, he thought to himself that they should have split right away.

Just like that, he was in The Derry Townhouse with Eddie, safe and fleeing to anywhere that Pennywise wasn’t.  Richie peeked his head out of his room into the hallway and let his voice carry across into his friend’s room.  “You got everything?” he asked.  Ever since Mike had made his reasons for bringing them all back to this place they hadn’t even remembered existed until the day before, the group had been in panic mode.  They were all scrambling to head back to the lives they’d made for themselves in Anywhere But Derry.  For whatever reason, he and Eddie had clung to one another, even then.  They were remembering being close.  There was tension between them.  Something unspoken, maybe even when they were kids.  

“I think so,” Eddie called back to him amidst the whir of zippers and the thudding of luggage.  

“Alright,” he called, heading down the stairs with his duffel and laptop slung over his shoulders, spinning the keys to his rental car in his hand.  “Autobots, roll out!”

Eddie took one last lap of his room to make sure he had everything.  He patted down his pockets and made a mental check.  “Keys?  No keys, took a cab, leaving with Richie,” a curious smile tugged at his mouth as he said the name.  He paused, stricken by the reaction but he didn’t take the time to analyze that.  “Wallet, phone, inhaler, bags...”  He took a deep breath and gathered his belongings.  For just the slightest of moments, he stopped and acknowledged the rushing of his blood away from his stomach accompanied by a spike of adrenaline.  Butterflies.  His fight or flight mode was on high and that was the only reason for it.  There was nothing else that could possibly be making him panic.  Unless he was, as he suspected, sensitive to gluten and it wasn’t nerves but too much Chinese food.

“Rápido, Eduardo. Ándale, ándale!” Richie called, knocking on the downstairs wall and pulling him from his mental quicksand.

Forcing himself from the memory, Richie broke into sobs, burying his face into Eddie’s chest.  As the rest of his friends fought to pull him to his feet, he begged to take him with them; not to leave him down in the sewers in the dark.  As soon as he thought he’d convinced them, the chamber began to shudder and crumble.  Richie found himself glued to the spot.  He couldn’t leave him.  He couldn’t.  They were supposed to leave together.  He’d just admitted that he loved him.  After all these years, he was supposed to have a chance to finally see... no.  No, if this was where Eddie was going to stay, this was where Richie was going to stay, too.  And he would have, too, if the other four hadn’t banded together to force him to move.  They ran along the tunnels and up out of the cistern into the house on Neibolt and through the doors just in time for the entire building to collapse in on itself, vanishing into the ground and sealing Eddie in with the source of generations of suffering.  As the house began to cave, so, too, did Richie’s will to go on.  He lunged to go back in but was restrained by Ben and Mike until his body gave way.  He strained and scratched and kicked until he couldn’t find the strength to do it anymore.  He dropped to the ground and screamed Eddie’s name until his throat was raw.  It was no use.  He was gone.  It was over.  

Eventually, the Losers managed to get themselves together enough to walk to the quarry and clean themselves off.  As the group waded in the cool water, Richie focused on the blood all over him- had it really been so much?  How could he have thought, even for a moment, that a person could survive all of that?  As he focused on his glasses, he turned to make a snide remark about the germs to Eddie and realized, once more, that the blood was his.  He wouldn’t be able to hear the quip.  The survivors merged in on each other, clinging together for strength.  

A few days later, Richie made one more stop on the way out of Derry.  He put the mustang in park and eased out onto the little covered bridge over the creek in the woods.  He strode along the barricade, looking at years of graffitied carvings, each a testament to a love that had encountered Derry’s unique brand of torture.  He wondered how many of the couples were still together; if any of them had been torn apart by Pennywise.  

Finally, he stopped and gave a bittersweet smile as he saw what he was looking for.  A jagged R + E.  Small, vague, but there nevertheless.  27 years later and his innocent pining had left an impact.  Of course, it had.  Love always leaves an impact, whether you’re 12 or pushing 40.  

“I was gonna let you die!” echoed Eddie’s voice in Richie’s head for the millionth time since the tunnels.  It had become almost a taunt.

“You should have,” Richie whispered, lowering to his knees and resting his head on the railing.  “You should have let me die. We all still fucking remember and you're not here.”  The memories weren’t fading.  Last time, as soon as they’d gotten out, things got fuzzy.  By the time they made their blood pact, he could hardly remember the specifics of what had happened.  This time, though... This time, he could still remember every moment.  Every single one.  Specifically, though, the warmth of Eddie’s kiss and the blank stare he wore in death haunted his every thought since.  “If you were gonna die, you should have let me die, too, he said.

Richie took his old pocket knife out of his pocket and flipped it open, considering it for a moment.   He tested the tip against his hand and watched as blood beaded at the tip.  It would be so easy, he thought, to just drag the blade against his wrists and throw himself into the water.  Then, he could be with Eddie again.  Closing his eyes, he blinked out a few hot tears, then covered his face in his hands.  As much as he didn’t want to live life in a world where Eddie wasn’t, he could just imagine the look on his face if, after everything they’d gone through, he appeared in the afterlife having put himself there.  He wiped the tears from his eyes and refocused on what he’d come all the way out here to do.

Retracing the letters, he deepened the markings, ensuring that, on some level, they’d be able to stay together for posterity.  The set of freshly carved initials in weathered old wood was not a fair proxy for the love they’d never had the chance to share, but at least it was out there as proof that, no matter what happened from that moment forward, that Richie Tozier loved Eddie Kaspbrak.  

[cruzrogue]

Into the future partI

Doing 31 prompts. #fictober19

There is no rhythm or reason just the beloved characters in short or multi-chapter stories.

#arrow fanfiction @fictober-event  #olicity Rated; general 

Chapter 1 prompt: “It will be fun, trust me.”

Hope you enjoy!

 Entering the old bookstore situated just off Quincy Market, the seemly gothic girl glances at an old bookshelf that needs a good dusting. With Halloween coming this month she and a college roommate decided to finally enter this establishment that has given both girls the heebie jeebies. Like a summoning that could not be resisted.

“It will be fun, trust me.”

Those famous words always used before the fun would vanish and despair and fear will win over. As Felicity finger swipes at an old book cover as she tries to make the words out. She doesn’t see a pair of eyes glancing her way from the open balcony observing the girls in a quaint little shop that seems to only be opened around the Autumnal Equinox.

Her fingers hoover over a certain book. The way her heart speeds up it seems as if she can’t help but touch the really small scripted Latin words on the binding. “saecula saeculorum diligit animarum” She has no idea what it truly says. She understands some of the words like ‘Souls’ and the word ‘love’ It’s the deep sultry voice of a woman who tells her that she has invoked a vision of her future love.

“A what?” says the seventeen-year-old confused, she just came in because her roomy said it would be fun to go into this cryptic store during the Halloween season. There was no way she cares to find love of any sort. Love isn’t anywhere in her top ten priority list as she’s studying at M.I.T. Her passion is technology. She has no room for silly love notions. “I’m good. No need for any…” she doesn’t get to finish her sentence as she’s transported into a purple haze and a man she’s never seen before welcomes her.

He looks old, has a very distinct haircut and seems to favor metallic clothing. She gets a good look at his cape and she can just tell right there that this man is really not her type. “Who are you?”

“For you should not be here. You have created a paradox. It is your offspring who should be standing by my side.”

“My what?” Felicity glances around and its really devoid of anything. “Mister? I don’t know who you are? I actually don’t really care. I’m not into you so bring me home right now!”

“I am the Monitor.”

“Yea, well I’m Felicity Smoak and I’m a minor so you freaky robo-man that lives in a bookshelf take me home right this instant!”

“I know of who you are. You are actually of great significance. Though you being upon this dimension before 2040 is of great concern.”

“Buddy, it’s 2006 I think you’re off your rocker.”

“Mrs. Queen, I make no mistakes. You are destined to be of great importance but towards the crisis you helped facilitate bringing in the wrong people into your circle. They are your greatest threat.”

“So, I become a queen? What the dark ages happen again and I get my own castle?” Rolling her eyes at her own words. She must be dreaming because this is just to wild and way too far out then any reality could ever muster.

“No, you aren’t a queen per se. You marry a queen and it is your child…”

“Wait! Wait. Hold on. Your telling me I’m married to a woman. No offense to that but are you sure? I mean I’ve never been attracted to any friends in that way. Oh my gosh… Is this like a coming out party in my own head? I… I need to sit down.”

The Monitor hardens his fists. This conversation isn’t particular going according to any plan. He needs to just state facts before this child before him brings on certain doom. “Your destiny is always parallel to your husband, Oliver Queen as long as you find each other in each dimension it is a love of ages.”

The teenage girl just glares at the out of place dressed man. She is relieved that he’s not her future love interest she would seriously think of what her life choices have been to be into a tinman. Yes, she always loved the movie Wizard of Oz but come on, she’s also a teen that enjoys grunge music and her gothic look. This man is just so futuristic and he makes her feel queasy so hopefully that isn’t how love supposed to feel.

“Okay, so I’m married. I guess there are worse fates. I mean I’ve always seen myself fighting the man.” With his stare on her she shrugs. “Hey I have ambitions. Becoming a cyber-fighter for good. It must be relevant because I’m talking to you. Aren’t I?”

His sigh tells her enough. She must be annoying him. He turns to a new haze and she just watches as it becomes more fluid and wonders if they are going to go through.

Instead a man walks out and stops short. Felicity can see that somehow she is recognizable to him but she doesn’t know him at all.

“What is she doing here?”

“It seems your wife found a way to cross time and space. She’s looking for you.”

Felicity gives the tinman the stink eye. She never came looking for anyone. Particularly older men. Just yuck. She just wants to go back to where she comes from and run out of the crazy bookstore.

“This version of Felicity is to young. She’s not my wife.” Oliver looks at the younger version of his wife. He doesn’t know what dimension he is in but no one can replace the love of his life.

“Hey buddy. You’d be lucky to even have me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just you’re a kid. I…” Oliver turns to the Monitor. “What is going on?”

“It seems that she is here to help you. Her fiery spirit opened a gateway.” The Monitor than begins to walk towards the still fluid gateway that Oliver came through. “It seems she is another key once placed by design. Rather fascinating. I must gather intel on this phenomenon.” The man disappears.

Felicity now observing her so-called future husband, “What year are you from?”

“It’s 2019. I left you with our child.”

“What do you mean left? As abandoned? Because that is just super sleazy. My dad…”

“Felicity? I had no choice. Saving my family is my top priority.”

She looks at the void they are in. She doesn’t feel the confidence he does. Somehow she states it, “Wow! That is just some whopper that you must feed yourself. You abandoned your family! There is always a choice.”

Oliver just looks at the teenage version of his wife-to-be. She really does have this fire inside of her. Knowing now that her story about Cooper and how her resilience dimmed somewhat actually pains him. That she’ll coast along until his mission gives her something to fight for again.

“You’ll always be amazing.”

She’s looking up at him and for the first time since meeting tinman she’s actually comfortable. “I’m not one to be bashful to complements but I don’t understand any of this.”

“I need you to go live your life.” With a head tilt she makes, it has him reading her, knowing it is an inquiry. “You said you’d always find me. I’ll hold you to that.” Her eyes seek his and she smiles for the first time since entering this weird dream. His words soft but she can tell he means it, “I will always love you.”

“Even if this is the weirdest fantasy ever. I will find you… again.”

He just winks at her. “I’m counting on it. Goodbye Felicity Smoak Queen.” Without her noticing the strange bubble that is wrapping around her, he just pushes a stain of her dark hair from her face needing some small contact with her. It brings a newfound hope in him once again. They’ll find one another again. He knows it. Then poof she is gone. He just takes a moment and walks through the portal there is much to do and he can’t wait to see her again, hopefully in her older version form he has come to love.

Felicity gulps as she takes in her surroundings again. She back in the forsaken bookstore and just looks to hightail it out of there.

A strong woman’s voice stops her before truly departing. “A glimpse of things to come. Though you’ve been granted a way to change an occurrence for that future is dreary my child.”

“How?”

“Take this key. On any keyhole you’ll be granted this world.”  Felicity looks around. There is a lot of books in this tiny store. She notices her friend isn’t in the store anymore. “Do as you will and heed to protect those you love and our world.”

“Our world?” The girl shakes her head at the nonsense but just as quickly there is an understanding. She has a chance to save the love of her life. If that makes any sense? She just met an older good looking man that she supposes she marries in the future. She now wonders about this Oliver Queen? She’ll have to take a look at what the internet says about him. Taking the key and saying her goodbyes.

Leaving the shop to look for her roommate. The moment she steps out the brightness of the day’s sun has her squint her eyes and as she quickly turns to look for the name of the bookstore. She gawks as she is now standing upon a small vacant alley. There is nothing there.

As she stands there confused, the world around her is bustling with people walking around not particularly noticing the small alley. Her fingers dig down a pocket and only with her hand wrapped around a brass key does she know that everything that just occurred is real.

Her eyes still focusing on the emptiness before her that when a hand reaches her shoulder she jumps startled. Facing the perpetrator.

“Felicity, where have you been?”

“What do you mean? We went into the bookstore together.”

“I know and I have no clue where that place is anymore but while I was browsing some old looking books you basically left. I said it would be fun but the place was a total bore. No tech books in sight.”

Felicity just nods her head. “You know what we need?”

As her roommate looks to where her friend is regarding and they both call out, “Ice Cream!” Yep, ice cream will make things better. As she takes one last look at the empty lot she knows the strangeness in her life is just beginning. Whomever this Oliver guy is… he is now her field of study. She will find him again.

[btsybrkr]

What A Time To Be At Home!: The Best And Worst Coronacontent The Internet Has To Offer

Remember that joke that’s been around for ages, but was being told literally everywhere back in 2019? The one that went something like, “I hate it when people ask me where I’ll be in a year’s time - I don’t have 2020 vision!”?

Well, I bloody wish someone did.

In fact, in early January, I wrote out my own predictions for the decade ahead right here on my blog. They were obviously entirely hypothetical and - I thought - ridiculous. They were just a series of daft ideas that I thought I could take the piss out of, in the hope that people might read it and take a second out of their day to do an amused little nose exhale for me. But now, even the post-apocalyptic TV show ideas I pitched in that piece seem less ‘far-off dystopian chaos’, and more like they could be pleasant additions to the BBC Summer schedule.

The world is in the throes of a global pandemic, the likes of which haven’t been seen since… I don’t know, The Black Plague, maybe? As a result of that, the instructions have been clear: stay home, save lives. 

At first, the thought of being given a period of Government-sanctioned laziness seemed like a dream to many. We could write our autobiographies! Learn Klingon! Build ourselves a whole new house! But six weeks in, it appears to have started messing with the collective consciousness of the human race. Brains are fried, your Weekly Screen Time is up 103%, stomachs are full to the brim with banana bread and dalgona coffee, and certain celebrities’ egos are in a fight to the death with their common sense. In a time when we’re all supposedly doing nothing, there’s still so much going on. 

With that in mind, I thought we could recognise some of the things we’ve seen online that have kept us talking in lockdown, not just because of Coronavirus, but in spite of it. 

Welcome to the first (but hopefully not annual) What A Time To Be At Home! awards. The WATTBAH!’s, if you like.

The ‘Why On Earth Did You Think This Was A Good Idea?’ Award

Over the last few weeks, we’ve seen a sizable handful of blunders by the rich and famous that have, at worst, knocked them down a fair few places in our estimations and, at best, have left us scratching our heads, wondering what response they were expecting in the first place. 

With that in mind, it’s only right that this title goes to the original celebrity lockdown mistake: Gal Gadot’s ill-advised acapella cover of Imagine, featuring a variety of different Hollywood stars - not one of whom had the foresight to ask “are you sure this doesn’t make us look like complete arseholes?”, which, unfortunately, it absolutely does. 

Between the bizarre and insincere ‘I have a dream’-style speech at the beginning, the boldness of some of those featured to be quite clearly just taking the piss, and the fact everyone appears to be singing ever-so-slightly below the note without ever actually hitting it for the entirety of the song, this was tone-deaf in more ways than one. It’s even worse when you realise that this was posted less than one week into the lockdown, but then what would I know? Maybe madness sets in faster in multi-million dollar mansions. Probably because it echoes louder and bounces off the walls of your massive living room.

The ‘I Had To Suffer Through This, So You Do, Too’ Award

This award recognises content we’ve been witness to over the last few weeks that was so awful, so completely uncomfortable to watch, that after you’d gotten over the initial disbelief at what you’d just seen, you immediately had to send it to somebody you know, so that you can suffer through it together.

Despite how many celebrity lockdown moments have left me with my head in my hands over the last few weeks, this award could only go to a very recent contender - one which isn’t simply an embarrassing piece of celebrity lockdown content, but will likely haunt the inner corners of my brain long after this virus is simply a topic taught about in GCSE History lessons of the future. 

I am, of course, talking about Olly Murs. I’m talking about Pringlegate. I’m talking about Olly Murs removing the bottom of a can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles to trick his own girlfriend into touching his penis. On video, on TikTok.

Twitter: @buckyw1ng

There’s something inherently quite chilling about Pringlegate. It might be something to do with the 10,000 watt grin on Olly’s face as we watch him carefully maneuver a tin opener around the bottom of the can, or perhaps it’s just the question of how long he’d been sat there holding it around his naked penis as he and his girlfriend watched a film, patiently waiting for the moment to strike. Perhaps it’s the way the video freezes as she reaches over for a Pringle, allowing time for Olly Murs’ to add in an audio clip of himself, shouting “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND”. 

Maybe it’s the uncontrollable show of amusement he launches into as she snatches her hand back in shock, laughing away, heartily, as if to say “Ha! You thought it was a normal can of Pringles, but it was actually my PENIS covered in Pringles crumbs! You just got PUNKED!”, like it was all simply a clever ruse. 

Above all else, I think the most uncomfortable thing about it is that I can’t help but feel like all bets are off in 2020, and that this is a fairly tame warm-up for things to come.

So, Olly Murs, you are inarguably the rightful winner of the ‘I Had To Suffer Through This, So You Do, Too’ award. Congratulations! Don’t do it again, yeah?

The ‘Are You Actually Aware Of These Words Coming Out Of Your Mouth?’ Award

I’ve said some stupid things since this lockdown started. Personally, I put it down to the lack of social interaction, which I think might be frying my brain a little bit, or at least that’s what the ornament of a turkey that sits on my kitchen windowsill told me the other day. However, I don’t think I or anybody I know has said anything even one fraction-of-an-iota as void of intelligent thought as Vanessa Hudgens’ terrible opinions on social distancing, shared in a now-infamous Instagram live last month. 

“It’s a virus,” she clarified, helpfully, before going on to explain, “I get it. I respect it.” 

I’m sure your respect means the world to it, Vanessa, but do you ‘get’ it?

“But even if everybody gets it, like… yeah… people are gonna die,” she explains, in a tone so chirpy that the word ‘die’ might as well be replaced by the phrase ‘have such a bloody lovely old time’, “which is terrible, but, like… inevitable?” 

In all fairness, death is inevitable, but I don’t know if suggesting speeding up that process for thousands of people because you were disappointed that Coachella was cancelled is an equally logical take.

After a brief - and probably quite profound - moment of self-reflection, she laughs “I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t be doing this right now”. Oh, you think? Which bit? Just holding these insane ideas, or actually broadcasting them to your 39.1 million Instagram followers? 

She did post a video the day after, clarifying that - despite what she said - she is staying at home, and is urging others to do the same. I guess she does respect the virus after all. Now, if everyone could hurry up, catch it and die from it, so that she can go to Coachella 2021, Vanessa Hudgens might respect you, too. 

I guess We’re All In This Together, after all.

The Show Of Support Award

I’ve already talked a lot about the rich and famous here, so maybe it’s time to take a break from that madness - although, I get it, I respect it - and have a look at how the rest of our lives look at the moment.

One weekly occurrence that seems to be set to stick around is the weekly round of applause for the NHS. Whilst it’s nothing short of blood-boilingly annoying seeing Boris Johnson absent-mindedly clapping in celebration of a service that he recently admitted he hadn’t even noticed the strain on until he, himself, nearly died of the virus, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the rest of us getting involved. If anything, it’s heart-warming to see the videos of NHS staff being applauded by neighbours as they leave for work, and to hear the cheers echoing through the streets at 8pm every Thursday. There’s a lot of people being quite cynical about it. We obviously know it’s not going to stop Coronavirus in its tracks, but sometimes it’s just nice to be nice, alright?

One thing I’ve noticed recently is how many people have adopted different noise-making strategies, possibly in an effort to effectively boost their support by a factor of 300%. Banging pots and pans together appears to be the most popular, but the winner of this award saw your pots and pans and said “how sweet”, before showing us how it’s really done.

I present to you, a genius. The ultimate hype-man.

Twitter: “a deeply disturbed national psyche” - @willuminare

There’s something so chaotic and angry about the energy in this video, just one man, a cricket bat, and a wheelie bin, banging away to show his gratitude. Just living in the moment. I wish the neighbour who’d captured it on camera had caught more of it, or at least just enough to edit the footage with Electric Youth’s soaring synth anthem  ‘A Real Hero’ from the soundtrack of the movie Drive against it.

I’ve been trying to learn to play the keytar in lockdown, to near enough no avail. Maybe at 8pm next Thursday, I’ll just take it outside and smash it against the pavement. You know, for the NHS.

Honourable Mentions: The Very Best In Coronacontent

It’s not all been so questionable - there’s been a lot of uplifting, funny, positive and thoughtful things shared online over the past few weeks. John Krasinski’s YouTube series Some Good News has provided a much-appreciated contrast from the bleakness of traditional current affairs programmes. There’s five weeks worth of episodes on his YouTube channel at the moment, so I would definitely recommend checking it out, especially if you feel like you need a lift! 

Over on Twitter, there’s been a lot to laugh about, as ‘front camera comedians’ are well and truly in their element (my personal favourite recently has been Alistair Green), as well as plenty of other users who are utilising their free time to create some brilliant stuff - this six-part opera based on a 2007 Facebook argument by Archie Henderson is genuinely one of the funniest things I’ve seen in weeks.

Twitter: “I made a six-act opera out of a conversation between some 14 year olds on my Facebook from 2007″ - @jazzemu_

All in all, these are obviously bizarre times that we’re living in. We don’t know how many more weeks of lockdown we’re going to have, when we’ll get back to normal, or even if ‘normal’ will mean something completely different from now on. 

What we do know is that the internet, and everyone on it - whoever they are or whatever they’re saying - will continue to surprise us, inform us, entertain us, provide a place for our quizzes and conversations, and keep us together in some sense, when we have no choice but to be apart. 

Thanks to anyone who’s read this far. I hope that you and your friends and families are keeping well, and that you took even a slight shred of lockdown enjoyment from even one thing I’ve said over the past couple thousand words! 

Finally, before I go, I thought we might share a little song. It goes like this:

Imagine there’s no heaven....

if you like, can follow me on twitter here or instagram here :-)

[elven-oracle]

vienna |p.p. x n.l.|

Pairing: Peter Parker x Ned Leeds

Word Count: 1.3K

Warnings: none

A/N: For @pbnjparker‘s writing challenge<3

It was nearing the end of summer, and everything had an empty feeling about it. Ned paced his room, shelves and dresser replaced with a number of boxes on his floor. On his desk sat a blank piece of paper that he had been staring at for hours, words utterly failing him. He had been meaning to write this letter all summer, and now his ex boyfriend was headed for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, he knew that the next thirty minutes was his all or nothing chance to say what he needed to say.

He sat back down at his desk, unused to it being void of a lamp and other various trinkets, and gripped his pen in his fist stubbornly. Pressing the pen to paper, he scribbled word after word, only a single tear eventually rolling down his cheek.

Dear Peter,

Here we are, the end of summer. It's really hard to believe that we are 18 years old and actually headed off to college, but life doesn't stop, not even for us. To think that we were once kindergarteners toddling around a playground, and soon we will be over a thousand miles away from each other blows my mind. I can't remember a time when I didn't know the next time I would see you.

We are both about to receive a lot of unwarranted advice. We already have. I feel like every other conversation I have from an adult is some weird thing they wish they had known about while in college. More times than not I'm told to "go to class," which I sort of understand but my parents are paying far too much money for me not to go to class. My point is, I'm not here to overflow you with more advice. I don't think that I have very much good advice to give. I am, however, going to remind you of all the good things that I don't think you should let go of. I'm your best friend, and I would like to think I know you pretty well.

You're a pretty ambitious kid, and it's taken you so many places. The farthest possibly being either MIT, or the mouth of a spider. That's up for you to decide. I know you're studying engineering and doing Spider Man on the side (or vice versa, knowing you!), but you put your full heart into everything that you do and that ROCKS. Don't forget to slow down every once in a while, though okay? Build a Lego Space ship, try out the party scene, make-out with random girls and guys; it doesn't hurt to take your mind off of work.

Remember that one time we went on vacation with my parents to the coast? I like to sit back and relive that day sometimes. There's something about the fresh air and the beach that makes you feel like everything is going to be okay, and walking with you that day is precisely how I felt. Maybe it was the saltwater, but I'm pretty sure it was you.

Sometimes the constant stress for the future that high school feeds into you is overbearing, and it's hard to forget when you're constantly surrounded by it. Being at Midtown, we were constantly surrounded by it. It was inescapable. They wanted us to know where we were headed before we had even started our first class of freshman year. I think it scared me to go to college more than anything.

I think I'm rambling on. This, I guess, is a long winded way of saying I love you, Peter Parker, and I'm going to miss you very very much. You have to keep in touch or else I'm going to implode. Whether it be letters or texts, we promised each other that we would still remain friends, and I'm going to hold you to that. MIT has just gained a brand new super hero.

Vienna waits for you.

Ned

With an exasperated sigh, he picked up the paper, folded it, and put it in an envelope.

On his flight to California, he tried to forget the blank stare that Peter had given him upon answering the door, and the murmur of thanks he had barely said when taking the letter from him. It was hard enough as it was, breaking up with your best friend, and Ned respected the time and space that he needed before anything could remotely return to the way it was. Hopefully the letter would help mend Peter's heart, even if it was just a little bit.

A couple of days after moving in, the letter still cursed Ned's mind. He hadn't heard anything from him; no text, no mail, not anything. Even the silly orientation events Stanford offered couldn't pull his attention from checking his mail when he turned in for the night. It wasn't until after classes started that he finally received something back, and the sight of it made him almost cry for joy. He ran back to his dorm, slammed the door shut, thanked God that his roommate wasn't there, and ripped open the letter, carefully feeling the indents of the envelope where Peter's handwriting rested.

Ned,

No letter could ever do you justice. Come to the roof.

Love,

Peter

At this point, Ned's hands were quivering anxiously. He reread the letter about a million times, set it down on his comforter, and slowly stood back up, heading towards the stairs in his building. He was on the top floor, so the distance to the roof wasn't large. He was surprised they offered access to the roof in the first place.

When he opened the door, he saw a familiar silhouette staring at a colorful California sunset. While Peter had an overall happy nature about him, Ned knew that he had his pensive moments often, and that this was no exception. He kept the silence for a moment, then allowed himself to speak.

"Peter," he said it as a monotone statement.

Peter turned around, a wistful glisten lingering in his eye. It took everything Ned had not to run and embrace him, planting kisses on every one of his freckles. That would only end in disaster. Peter smiled that goofy smile and waved Ned over, and they both sat down to look at the sunset.

"How did you-"

Peter cut him off, "I told Mr. Stark it was important. I think he kind of knew. I don't start classes until Tuesday."

"Shouldn't you be getting acclimated?"

"Who needs that?" Peter looked at Ned, the corners of his mouth barely perking upwards.

Ned stared at the sunset, watching how the vibrant oranges and yellows faded into soft periwinkles and dark blues. The sun was pleasantly disappearing over the mountain in the distance, about as far away as Peter seemed to be.

"Why are you here," Ned said after a while.

"I'm actually here because of this," Peter reached into his backpack and pulled out his laptop, setting it down on the cement roof.


"Your laptop?"

"What? No!" Peter laughed, "I downloaded A New Hope because I thought we could watch it together. Like old times sake."

"Don't get all mushy on me, Parker-"



"Ned it's been almost a month since we hung out and that's all my fault."

The comment made Ned inhale sharply, letting it hang between them. Peter wasn't wrong, but he wasn't completely right either.

"You had to do what you had to do," he gave Peter a supportive smile, making sure his friend knew that he fully understood, "I know this is California, but it still gets chilly at night. We can watch the movie in my dorm as long as you leave after it's over. I still have class tomorrow, otherwise you could've stayed longer-”

“Yeah, that's fine, let's do it."

They sat on the bed, knees crossed and lightly touching, and shared one set of earbuds like they would do at Peter's apartment. Once in a while, they would steal glances at each other, each reminiscing the years they had spent together. 15 years was a long time to be best friends, and fortunately, Ned knew there would be many more.

M A S T E R L I S T

T A G L I S T 

@nasa-parker @plushparker @peachesandparker @spideyboipete @tinkeringtony @darlintom @rainbow-marvel @vinndetta @tomsfireheart @peachyhollands @dtftomholland @lovelyh0lland @starksmile @spideymood @spidcyson

[erid-search-history]

Baby blues Ch.4

So i know that no one asked for a filler chapter, but here you go you little monsters

Slight mention of injury, past relations with parents, and fluff. you have been warned.

As the leaves began to fall off the trees, and the days got colder, Gwen only got bigger with it. At this point she was able to actually see a baby bump. This had made her decide that it was time to do some more shopping.

Max jumped out of the car, and shivered from the lack of a heater blowing in his face. “God damn it’s cold as s-shit.”

He waited for Gwen by the back of the vehicle, who grabbed his hand gently and lead him out of the cold. “I know, it’s only the beginning of November too. I hope your father is holding up better though. It’s gotta be freezing out there in the park.”

He nodded, concerned now. Hopefully he wouldn’t get sick on patrols.

As they entered the store, a wave of warmth washed over their skin. They let out a couple shivers, before noticing the smell of cinnamon and peppermint that followed.

Christmas decorations flooded their vision. No store window was complete without a deer or Santa. Nope.

Max shuddered at the ugly excuse for a christmas display he saw inside a store. He felt like he could barf at merely the sight of the festive characters.

As they walked through, he noticed an abundance of other mothers with their children. They were most likely trying to get more winter clothes or were simply enjoying the sales. Other than this, it wasn’t all that busy, it still being somewhere around two thirty in the afternoon.

They made their way into a kid’s clothing department, Max rolled his eyes once more.

Gwen smiled, looking for the baby section. “Ok sport, go look around the kids side and see if you can find something to wear when it snows. You grew quite a bit since last year, meaning you’ve probably grown out of your other one by now.” He gave her a half assed salute and started to walk to another section. “I’ll be right here where you can see me if you need anything ok?”

He nodded again and continued.

She could visibly see that he had immediately taken interest in a grey hoodie with the words ‘thirst for the void’ on it. She smiled to herself and picked up a green onesie. It had small pine trees on it with the words ‘lil’ camper’ on it. She knew david was going to throw a fit when he saw, she just couldn’t resist.

She plopped it into the cart and was about to pick out another, but stopped when she heard a small voice yelp in pain. She looked over, and just guess who she saw sitting on the ground. The now concerned women rushed her way over to the small boy to see what was wrong. He sat up, and she put a protective arm around him. “Are you ok? Did you trip on something?” she looked over at what appeared to be one of those dolls that were supposed to be on the shelf in another area.

“Yeah i’m fine, people and their shitty kids need to pick up after themselves though. Seriously david would have a cow if i left something laying around like that. Shit.”

He tried standing, but his movement was stunted.

He had small tears form in the corners of his eyes, and gwen’s heart broke at that.

“Well C’mon, let’s go find you a seat.”

He stood up, and leaned against her, she would have picked him up, but was pretty sure it would murder her back.

He hissed anytime his foot touched the tile floor, and it only caused him to become more agitated. She sat him on a bench, before going back in to pay for their things.

When she came back, he had already began to inspect his swollen ankle.

She sat next to him.

“Does it hurt too much to walk?”

He nods.

“Well, how about I get you into a cart and we can go to the car? You’ll probably need to see a doc, just to make sure it heals properly”

He shook his head, “I don’t wanna ruin this. This is the one day i can actually say i was looking forward to this week.”

He turned a shade of red and looked away, gwen smiled a bit.

“Ok, well.. How about I let you sit in the cart while i finish, it should only take about an hour. Plus, now that I think about it, the doctor’s office might be closed today.”

He nods, and opens his arms to be comforted. She holds him close, and in this moment, she’s happy to be here with max.

They finish buying all of the clothes they need, not that many actually, and head off to a nearby fast food joint.

“Ok, so what would you like to get Max?”

They both decide on hot chocolates and some burgers.

Once they’re home, Gwen gets max to sit on the couch, and pulls out  the first aid kit. He’s set up with his food, a nice holiday special, and his foot propped up on a stool. The heat from a heating pad feeling really nice where it was painful before.. Gwen sat beside him, also enjoying the warmth of the space heater in front of them. She places a hand on her stomach and giggles when she feels slight movement.

Max glances over but says nothing. It’s not like he cares about whatever mushy thing she’s thinking about. Probably one of her doctor thingies again. Barf.

“Hey Max, did.. Did you wanna touch it?”

He’s slightly taken aback by the sudden question, “excuse me?”

“My stomach, i mean. I know it might seem weird, but i’m willing to bet you’ve never been around someone who’s pregnant before me, huh?”

He scoffs, “yeah I didn’t get out much growing up. To be honest, i’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you got pregnant and decided to keep me.”

She frowned, but placed her hand on his.

“It’s ok to be curios max, and we would never replace you. Even if you’re a little shit sometimes, we still love you.” She smirks, “besides, who would be around to help me torment David?”

He giggled and nodded, “yeah, anyone else who even tried would be shit at it, i guarantee.”

He pulls his hand back to his chest, and rubs his fingers together anxiously. He looks to her stomach again, his own in knots.

“So..say I was kinda wondering what it’s like… how would I..?”

She giggled at him again. “I’ll show you, it’s ok.”

She placed a hand over his again and lead it up to the top of her small bump. She dragged it up and down slowly. “You feeling anything move Max?”

He started to shake his head before stopping their hands.

“whoa…..I.. That’s gross.”

He retracted his hand, and folded his arms. Gwen couldn’t help but laugh this time.

By the time she had calmed down, she noticed max was staring at her stomach.

“What is it? Wanna touch the ‘gross’ thing again?”

He shook his head rapidly. “N-no i just, well...do you feel it when it moves?’’

She looked down to her stomach. “Yep, every damn move.”

He paused, but gently reached out again. It was weird, but kinda cool?

Gwen relaxed against the couch,  continuing to watch the movie. “Yeah, just wait til I get bigger. The baby isn’t even due for at least 5 more months.”

He retracts his hand again, and looks down to his foot.

“Damn, does.. Does it hurt when you’re pregnant? What does it even feel like?”

She drinks some co coa out of her foam cup, and shakes her head. “Nah it’s more like..someone is poking you from the inside. It really only hurts my back sometimes but that’s it really.”

As she goes to set her mug down, the front doorknob jiggles and the sound of keys can be heard.

David walked in slowly, not wanting to startle anyone. He smiles at gwen when he sees her.

“Hey guys! Sorry i’m home so late, i was helping miss johnson with her decorations in the park, and you know how, well, scatterbrained she can be!”

He smiles and sets his bags down, taking off his ranger hat and kisses gwen on the cheek. “How were my two favorite people today?”

Gwen smiles when she’s kissed gently by him, and hums in response to the question. “Well, we picked up some clothes today, got a bite to eat and all. Max kinda sprained his ankle, so..”

She looks over at max’s set up, along with david. He frowns and puts a hand over his mouth. “Oh no! Does it hurt? Where is the pain? Can you feel it?”

Max has to push mama bird david out of his face. “Yes, it’s fine. Geez, you act like this has never happened before. Broken bones aren’t that big of a deal david, let alone a sprained ankle.”

He crosses his arms, trying to put on his “i don’t fuckin care about shit” face, but he actually is kinda glad that david cares so much about his well-being.

David frowns again, but chippers up and raises a hand in excitement. Max flinches a bit, but watches carefully.

“Well max, even though i know you don’t want me to know how painful that is, i have something that will get your mind off the pain!”

He smiles at both of them and grabs a box out of his bag. The front is red and has a gingerbread man on the front. “I thought maybe we could put together a gingerbread house!”

Max and gwen look at him confused, and he gives a small chuckle. “Heh, my dad and i used to make these every christmas before he left mom. Those were some of the best years of my childhood.”

He looks to nothing in particular, reminicing back to when he was probably around 4.

Max looks at the man very warily, nodding. “Ok, i guess that sounds ok. At least it involves food.”

“Yeah,” gwen chimes in, “that sounds like it could be something that won’t burn the house down.”

David sighs, “ONE TIME.”

Gwen and max bust out in giggles at the flustered man. Well, at least they’re smiling.

All together it was a nice bonding activity for them, save for the frosting david had mushed in his hair for a week. Max’s ankle had been doing fairly better, and was back to causing mischief in no less than two weeks.

Max was happy, but only hoped it would stay that way...

[thekaijusleeps]

…I still miss you. It hurts to admit it and, honestly, I feel like an asshole for it.

I feel bad because I know that I’m not moving on, I’m not getting any better. Because even when I’m absorbed in something else, doing something else…I could go the entire day and not think of you for most of the day…but then you just come back to mind in the end. I can’t listen to some of the same songs I used to because they remind me of you. I hate watching some movies because they make me think of you and what you would like or hate about them. And I’m terrified of talking to anyone new because I know I’m still stuck on you, and I’m terrified of letting whatever I have left of you go, or risk jumping into something that will end the same way we did. The days since you left haven’t felt fulfilling in any way. If I’m being honest, I’m just trying to keep myself busy and distracted from how dead and numb everything has become. I don’t know where I’m going, and I’m not even sure if what I’m doing is really taking me in the right direction to where I want to go in life, or if the things I think I want in life are really the things I treasure and want for myself. I am torn between writing all of these thoughts, stories and ideas…creating something for myself that is honest and true, and sharing that maybe not with everybody, but somebody, anybody willing to listen and see and think maybe, maybe I’m onto something. About them, about myself, about the world and the times and places we find ourselves in, and maybe if I’m really lucky, find something to hope for, to believe enough to carry on. Or to go out to see the world, to write the stories of others and the people, places and things I see on the way, and write the truths, the ideas of those people and their worlds, and share that with others to see and to learn from. Or to not do any of that, to just leave everything behind and lose myself in the world. To abandon my anxieties, worries, and fears of tomorrow to find something, feel something, anything to fill this void I feel inside me now. I write all of these things about you not because I think you’ll ever read them, but because I literally don’t know what else to do. I think that if I write it down, then maybe somehow it’ll start to make sense. That I might learn something about myself from them and see if maybe it will help me get better. Somewhere in my mind is the thing I have to kill, the thing that keeps me down and prevents me from moving forward, either from you, or towards the things I want to set out for myself. I’m so stuck on whatever voice or demon inside me that keeps telling me “I’m not good enough” for anything. And while I know there were lots of things that caused us to break up, I know that one had to be one of the biggest reasons. I let this warp and twist my mind into not trusting you, into fearing that at any moment, you would leave me for someone or something better. I let this monster make me think that I wasn’t a good enough reason for you to stay. I don’t want to get back together with you. I know that’s never going to happen. And even if you were the one that decided to come back and ask to start over, I know deep down that it wouldn’t be right. And I would fight every desire to say yes to you, and respect the reasons you decided to leave. Because no matter how much it hurt and how much I hated it, I knew your reasons for leaving were valid. The only thing I really want is something I know I can only be given over time, if ever you decided to give it to me. And that’s your forgiveness. I hurt you in ways I never intended. I didn’t listen to you enough. I didn’t trust you. I made you question yourself and doubt yourself, and made you postpone your dream to see if I would be ready or able to join you. But more than anything, I hope one day you can forgive me for giving you hope, giving you something to look forward to and believe in, and then end up letting you down in the end, by not loving myself enough to move forward with you, and really grow with you. Because you were right. We weren’t moving forward. And I know that I was a big part of the reason why we weren’t. And whatever else was bothering you, whatever else was stressing you and keeping you down…I wish I listened more and could have seen more, so I could have known more ways to help or support you, and be the person you needed me to be for you. I only wanted you to be happy. I still want that for you now. And I know that soon and over time, we’ll both get there without each other. We’ll find ourselves where we want to be, or where we were meant to be, and feel happy and satisfied, finally, with who we are and what we became. I just hope that I can be around for you when that happens. You have been and will always be special to me, and I will always wish for your happiness. Now, I just need to accept that I don’t have to be a part of that for you to be happy. And one day, hopefully soon, I can start doing that without feeling hurt or sad. I can genuinely smile and be happy for you, and feel fondness whenever I remember the good things we had, while remembering also why things had to end the way they did. I still do and always will love you babe. You have a piece of my heart that can never be replaced or returned…that is for you and for you alone to have. Please be well. Please take care of yourself. Please respect yourself, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve. I wish you all the love, happiness, and luck in the world. And hopefully I’ll be able to see you again, when all is said and done. If not in this life…then maybe the next. Te amo por siempre…I love you forever.

[myzo-calledlife]

Corporate Ghosting

As someone who needs near constant attention and validation (stinkin' millennials am I right) there are few things that frustrate me more than being ignored. As I have continued my fruitless job search this has been one of the aspects that has been the most upsetting to me–I have sent out hundreds (literally, hundreds) of applications and emails and cover letters that I have poured my heart and soul into only to be met with radio silence.

In my most recent episode of what I have come to call “Corporate Ghosting” I was in contact with someone from my literal dream company about an upcoming internship when she just out of the blue stopped responding to my emails. I was legitimately ghosted by a corporate entity. I didn’t even know that was something that happened. But it did. And it was painful.

But instead of spending this entire post ranting about my lack of acknowledgement from corporate America (maybe I’ll do that another day we’ll see if I FEEL LIKE IT). I’m going to share some things you can do to take a break when the thought of writing one more cover letter that will almost certainly not be read makes you want to gouge your eyes out.

ALSO guess what my blog my rules so this list is going to be formatted in a super strange stream of consciousness so BUCKLE UP or GET OFF THE RIDE NOW this is your only warning.

THINGS TO DO WHEN ALL OF YOUR EMAILS ARE BEING IGNORED BY CORPORATE AMERICA/YOU HAVE BEEN CORPORATE GHOSTED

Pet your dog (or, in my case, a stranger's dog since my parents care not for my mental well being and never got me a dog)

Take your dog (or a stranger's dog) for a walk

Make sure to ask first if you take a stranger's dog you don’t want to get arrested for dog theft I am not encouraging that

Or MAYBE I AM OK MY BLOG MY RULES

Try out a new recipe

I’ve been making all kinds of crazy stir fries lately maybe I’ll make a post with some recipes if I feel like it

Also I have a bomb ass açai bowl recipe because I am a #healthy human who eats fruit for enjoyment

Protip guys buy some 21 Seasoning Salute from the Lord’s grocery store, Trader Joe’s, and seriously just shake that shit into everything you make and you will feel like  a MICHELIN STAR CHEF who knows how to SEASON things and appreciates flavor COMPLEXITY

Go to the gym

Ok I know what you’re thinking “ZOE how DARE you I TRUSTED you to not perpetuate this bullshit” but SERIOUSLY I promise if you pump up some killer “I’m a bad bitch” jams and just go HAM on the elliptical for like a half hour you will seriously feel like you can do anything

Here’s my personal “I’m a Bad Bitch” playlist if you need some inspo

If you really want to feel fancy pick up some weights and do some work on your MUSCLES man get some DEFINITION you will feel like a fitness QUEEN

Watch “The Great British Baking Show”

This show is SO PURE and SO feel good. What's not to love it’s like every show I love on Food Network but what more wholesome. Everyone is competing but also supports each other it’s really just beautiful AND it takes place in the English countryside so there are some #beautiful #landscapes

Also they all have really cute British accents and I love them all

Listen to a Podcast

Seriously there is a podcast for everything and I mean EVERYTHING. I’m probably not the best person to recommend podcasts because I listen pretty exclusively to hockey podcasts BUT seriously go explore the Podcast app on your phone (bet you didn’t know that was there) and you'll almost certainly find something that interests you.

I said I wasn’t gonna give recs but here are a few to get you started because I am a woman of the people: Revisionist History (if lesser known historical events are your jam), Anna Faris Is Unqualified (if you want to laugh your ass off and also feel like Anna Faris is your best friend), and if you’ve seriously been living under a podcast rock, Serial is never a bad place to start.

Also if you want any hockey podcast recs hit me up because that could be a whole separate post

Call your grandpa

This one might be exclusive to me because my grandfather is one of my favorite people on earth, but you can replace that with anyone who always makes you feel better when you talk to them.

Do not underestimate the power of a pick me up from someone who thinks you hung the moon even if you feel like a colossal failure who can’t manage to get a single person to email you back.

Stalk the New and Interesting Finds tab on Amazon

Now chances are you aren’t as passionate as Amazon as I am (few people are as passionate about Amazon as I am) but there is no distraction quite like scrolling through endless pages of whimsical kitchen appliances and mildly creepy animal themed gadgets.

Turn your electronics off for a day

Listen I know all of this “unplugging” mumbo jumbo is annoying and I will KEEP my iPhone glued to my hand if I WANT TO mom but seriously there is something to be said for just letting yourself disconnect for a hot sec. It’s hard to realize it sometimes because it’s so normal for us but being connected all the time is exhausting and not healthy. Take a break, even if it’s just for a few hours.

Watch all of the Harry Potter movies

I HOPE YOU HAVE 20 HOURS just kidding you don’t actually have to watch all of them

I’m really only adding this because I’m currently watching a Harry Potter marathon on Freeform (and seriously when is there NOT a Harry Potter marathon on Freeform these days?)

The early films are really just the best ok God Bless Chris Columbus Sorcerer’s Stone is a beautiful nostalgia inducing GIFT

(also skip HBP because everyone knows that film is a pile of shit)

So there you have it folks, my suggestions for what to do if you can’t bear to send another job application lest you combust into flames. Listen, being ignored is the absolute worst but my mentality is if you send enough out into the void, eventually the void will send something back to you; so here’s to hopefully getting something back one of these days and to staying as sane as we possibly can in the meantime!

Until Next Time,

Zoe