#hopefully this makes up for the lack of progress on my stories

[reallygroovyninja]

Naughty or Nice

The soft glow of the Christmas tree lights bathed the room in a warm, golden hue, casting shadows on the walls. Clarke sat sprawled on the couch, her arms draped lazily over the backrest, a smug grin tugging at her lips. She watched as Lexa methodically stacked the neatly wrapped gifts under the tree, her movements precise and deliberate. 

“You know,” Clarke drawled, her voice laced with mischief, “if you’re aiming for Santa’s good list, you’re going to have to work harder than that. He’s pretty strict about perfection.” 

Lexa turned slowly, fixing Clarke with a pointed look. Her green eyes sparkled with an intensity that made Clarke’s grin falter. “And what about you?” Lexa said, her tone light but dangerous. “Do you think you’ve earned a spot on the nice list this year?” 

Clarke leaned forward, her grin returning as she rested her elbows on her knees. “Nice? Me? I’m more of a… naughty list kind of girl. Someone’s gotta keep things interesting.” 

Lexa crossed her arms, tilting her head as if considering something. “Interesting,” she echoed, her lips quirking in a small smirk. “Is that what you call eating all the gingerbread cookies I made? Or leaving your clothes on the chair instead of putting them in the hamper?” 

Clarke chuckled, unrepentant. “Come on, babe. You love it when I keep you on your toes.” 

“Oh, is that so?” Lexa’s voice was softer now, but her smirk deepened. She took a slow, deliberate step closer, her gaze locked on Clarke. “You think you’re clever, don’t you?” 

Clarke’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “I know I am.” 

Lexa stopped just in front of Clarke, leaning down so their faces were only inches apart. Her voice dropped to a near whisper. “Well, someone’s been very naughty this year. And naughty alphas don’t just get away with it.” 

Clarke raised a brow, her breath catching slightly at the shift in Lexa’s tone. “Oh yeah? What happens to them?” 

Lexa’s hand shot out, gripping Clarke’s chin firmly but not harshly, tilting her head up. “They get taught a lesson,” she said, her voice low and commanding. 

A flicker of excitement danced in Clarke’s eyes as she licked her lips. “You gonna teach me, Lexa?” 

Lexa’s smirk turned wicked as she pushed Clarke back against the couch, climbing into her lap with a fluid grace that made Clarke’s heart race. “Oh, you can count on it,” Lexa purred, her lips brushing against Clarke’s ear before trailing down to her neck. 

Clarke groaned, her hands instinctively gripping Lexa’s hips, but Lexa pulled back, shaking her head. “No,” she said firmly. “You don’t get to touch unless I say so.” 

Clarke swallowed hard, her cocky grin slipping into something softer, more eager. “Yes, ma’am.” 

Lexa’s smile widened as she leaned in, her lips hovering just over Clarke’s. “Good. Because by the time I’m done, you’ll think twice about being naughty again.” 

Then she kissed her, slow and deep, making Clarke forget every playful retort she’d been about to make. Clarke melted into the kiss, her earlier bravado slipping away as Lexa took her time.  

Each movement of Lexa’s lips was deliberate, a slow dance that left Clarke breathless. When Lexa finally pulled back, her green eyes were sharp and filled with intent, leaving no doubt about who was in charge. 

Lexa slid her hands down Clarke’s chest, her nails lightly grazing the fabric of Clarke’s shirt, making the alpha shiver. “You like to push limits,” Lexa murmured, her voice almost a purr. “But tonight, Clarke, you’ll learn exactly where those limits are.” 

Clarke’s breath hitched as Lexa shifted her weight, pressing her hips down just enough to tease. “And what if I like breaking the rules?” Clarke quipped, her voice rougher now, a faint smirk tugging at her lips. 

Lexa’s hand shot out, tangling in Clarke’s hair and pulling her head back gently but firmly. The action sent a jolt of heat through Clarke’s body, making her pulse quicken. “Then I’ll just have to break you of that habit,” Lexa said, her lips brushing against Clarke’s jaw, her words a soft warning. 

The alpha let out a shaky laugh. “You talk a big game, babe.” 

Lexa’s lips curved into a smirk as she leaned closer, her mouth grazing the shell of Clarke’s ear. “Oh, Clarke,” she whispered, her voice sending a shiver down Clarke’s spine. “You’ve only seen the beginning.” 

Lexa slid off Clarke’s lap with feline grace, standing tall and holding out her hand. Her commanding presence was magnetic, and Clarke felt compelled to take it, rising from the couch without hesitation. Lexa led her toward their bedroom, the anticipation thick in the air. 

Once inside, Lexa turned, her hands immediately going to the hem of Clarke’s shirt. “Arms up,” she ordered softly. 

Clarke obeyed without question, lifting her arms so Lexa could pull the shirt over her head. Lexa’s hands roamed across Clarke’s bare skin, her touch light but purposeful, leaving a trail of heat in its wake. “You’re so used to being in control,” Lexa murmured, her fingers tracing the line of Clarke’s jaw. “But not tonight.” 

Clarke let out a soft groan, her knees feeling weak as Lexa’s lips found the sensitive spot just beneath her ear. “Whatever you say, Lex,” Clarke breathed, her voice thick with arousal. 

Lexa pulled back just enough to meet Clarke’s gaze, her eyes dark with promise. “Oh, you’re going to be saying a lot more than that before I’m done.” 

With that, Lexa pushed Clarke gently onto the bed, her movements precise and confident. Clarke sank into the mattress, her heart pounding as she watched Lexa move with the quiet authority. 

Lexa climbed onto the bed, straddling Clarke’s hips and pinning her wrists above her head. “Let’s start your lesson, shall we?” Lexa said, her voice low and teasing as she leaned down, capturing Clarke’s lips in another searing kiss. 

This time, there was no slow build. Lexa kissed her with intent, her body pressing down firmly against Clarke’s, leaving no room for escape—not that Clarke wanted one. 

Clarke tried to shift under Lexa, testing the grip on her wrists, but Lexa held her firmly in place. “Don’t even think about it,” Lexa murmured against Clarke’s lips, her tone a perfect blend of command and playfulness. “You’re not in charge tonight, remember?” 

Clarke’s pulse quickened, and she grinned up at Lexa, the corners of her mouth tugging upward despite her best efforts. “Maybe I just wanted to see how strong you really are.” 

Lexa narrowed her eyes, a playful spark dancing in their depths. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough.” With that, she shifted her weight, pinning Clarke’s wrists with one hand while her free hand roamed down Clarke’s body, her touch agonizingly slow. 

Clarke’s breath hitched as Lexa’s fingers traced the curve of her collarbone, then slid lower, skimming over her chest. Lexa’s movements were deliberate, calculated, as if she were savoring the anticipation building between them. 

“You talk so much for someone who’s completely at my mercy,” Lexa teased, her voice soft but filled with authority. Her hand slipped further down, her nails grazing over Clarke’s stomach, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. 

“I’m an alpha,” Clarke retorted, her voice slightly strained. “Talking is kind of our thing.” 

Lexa leaned in closer, her lips hovering just over Clarke’s. “Not tonight. Tonight, you’re going to listen.” She pressed her lips to Clarke’s in a kiss that was both commanding and intoxicating, her tongue sweeping against Clarke’s in a way that made the alpha groan softly. 

Clarke couldn’t help herself. She tugged lightly at her pinned wrists, her body instinctively wanting to take charge, but Lexa tightened her grip, her strength surprising. “I said don’t move,” Lexa whispered, her tone sharper this time. “Or this lesson is going to take a lot longer.” 

Clarke stilled, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she nodded. “Yes, ma’am.” 

Lexa smiled, clearly pleased with the obedience. She let go of Clarke’s wrists, sitting back slightly as her hands moved to Clarke’s belt. With deliberate slowness, she unbuckled it, her eyes never leaving Clarke’s. The intensity of her gaze made Clarke feel completely exposed, even though she was still partially clothed. 

Lexa tugged the belt free, tossing it aside before leaning down again, her lips brushing against Clarke’s jaw. “You’re going to be good now, aren’t you?” 

Clarke swallowed hard, her voice coming out rough. “I’ll try.” 

Lexa chuckled softly, her breath warm against Clarke’s skin. “Oh, you’ll do more than try. Trust me.” 

Her hands moved lower, her touch igniting a fire everywhere she went. Clarke let out a low groan, her earlier confidence giving way to a need she could no longer suppress. Lexa’s control over her was intoxicating, and she realized she didn’t want it any other way. 

Lexa leaned back, her smirk returning as she studied Clarke beneath her. “Good. Now, let’s see if you’ve really learned your lesson.” 

Clarke’s breath caught as Lexa’s hands moved with deliberate slowness, her fingertips teasing against the waistband of Clarke’s jeans. The intensity in Lexa’s gaze pinned her in place as effectively as any physical restraint. Clarke could feel her pulse pounding in her ears, her body thrumming with anticipation. 

“Lexa,” Clarke murmured, her voice rough and barely audible. 

Lexa tilted her head, a sly smile tugging at her lips. “What was that?” she asked, her tone deceptively sweet. “Did you want something, Clarke?” 

Clarke’s jaw tightened, her natural instinct to take control fighting against the magnetic dominance Lexa was exuding. “You know what I want,” she said, her voice low and strained. 

Lexa chuckled softly, shaking her head. “Oh, no, darling. That’s not how this works.” She leaned down, her lips brushing against Clarke’s ear as she whispered, “If you want something, you’re going to have to ask nicely.” 

Clarke let out a quiet growl of frustration, her hands gripping the pillow beneath her head. “Lexa…” 

Lexa pulled back slightly, her green eyes glinting with mischief. “Still not hearing any magic words,” she teased, her hands now undoing the button of Clarke’s jeans with agonizing precision. 

Clarke’s head fell back against the pillow as she let out a ragged sigh. “Please,” she finally ground out, her voice soft but full of need. 

Lexa’s hands moved to the waistband of Clarke’s jeans, her touch light but deliberate. Her eyes flicked up to meet Clarke’s, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. “You’ve been so confident all evening,” she murmured, her voice teasing. “Let’s see if that confidence holds up.” 

Clarke’s breath hitched as Lexa slowly began to pull the denim down. The movement was agonizingly slow, each inch revealed sending a wave of heat through Clarke’s body. As the jeans slid past her hips, Clarke’s cock sprang free, fully erect, the tip glistening slightly with anticipation. 

Lexa paused, her eyes widening slightly before her smirk deepened. “Well, someone’s eager,” she quipped, her voice laced with amusement. “Is this what happens every time you get put in your place, Clarke?” 

Clarke groaned softly, her head tipping back against the bed. “Lexa,” she managed, her voice rough and strained. 

“Hmm,” Lexa hummed, clearly enjoying herself as she leaned closer. One finger extended, tracing the seam along the underside of Clarke’s cock from base to tip. The touch was featherlight, but it sent a jolt of pleasure coursing through Clarke’s body. 

Clarke let out a low, guttural groan, her hips twitching slightly at the sensation. “God, Lexa…” 

Lexa chuckled softly, her finger continuing its slow journey up and down, teasing along the sensitive ridge. “What’s the matter, Clarke? You seemed so confident a minute ago. Cat got your tongue?�� 

Clarke’s only response was another groan, her fingers gripping the pillow beneath her as Lexa’s touch pushed her closer to the edge of composure. 

Lexa tilted her head, her green eyes sparkling with mischief as she applied just a bit more pressure, her finger trailing back down to the base. “I’m barely touching you, and you’re already falling apart,” she said softly, her tone equal parts teasing and admiring. “I thought alphas were supposed to be in control.” 

Clarke swallowed hard, her breathing uneven as she opened her eyes to meet Lexa’s gaze. “Not when it’s you,” she murmured, her voice thick with desire. 

Lexa’s smirk softened into something almost affectionate as she leaned in, her lips brushing lightly against Clarke’s. “Good,” she whispered against Clarke’s mouth. “Because I’m not done with you yet.” 

With that, she pulled back slightly, her finger continuing its slow exploration as she watched Clarke with a mix of amusement and desire, taking her time to savor every reaction. Clarke could do nothing but groan, her body taut with need as Lexa worked her magic. 

Lexa’s teasing smirk didn’t waver as she let her hand wrap around Clarke’s cock, her fingers curling just enough to elicit a sharp intake of breath from the alpha. “So hard,” Lexa murmured, almost to herself, her thumb brushing over the sensitive head and spreading the small bead of precum that had gathered there. “It’s like you’re begging for attention without even saying a word.” 

Clarke groaned, her hips bucking slightly, but Lexa’s other hand pressed firmly against her thigh, keeping her grounded. “Lexa,” Clarke rasped, her voice heavy with need. “Please…” 

“Patience, Clarke,” Lexa said, her voice soft but commanding. Her hand began to move, her strokes slow and deliberate, her grip firm but not too tight. Each motion sent a wave of pleasure coursing through Clarke, but the pace wasn’t enough to push her over the edge. 

Clarke’s fingers clenched the pillow beneath her, her body taut as Lexa continued her torturous rhythm. The slow build was maddening, every stroke drawing her closer before Lexa eased back just enough to keep her teetering on the brink. 

“Lexa, please,” Clarke begged, her voice breaking slightly as she lifted her hips in a futile attempt to chase the release she craved. 

Lexa’s hand stilled at the base of Clarke’s cock, her eyes glinting with amusement as she looked up at her. “Please, what?” she asked, her tone light and teasing. “What exactly do you want, Clarke?” 

“You know what I want,” Clarke groaned, her head tipping back against the pillow. 

Lexa leaned in, her lips brushing against Clarke’s ear as her hand began to move again, achingly slow. “I want to hear you say it,” she whispered, her breath warm against Clarke’s skin. 

Clarke’s jaw clenched as she fought to find the words. “I want to come,” she finally managed, her voice low and strained. “Please, Lexa… let me come.” 

Lexa smiled, her strokes speeding up just enough to make Clarke’s body tense in anticipation. But then, just as Clarke felt herself teetering on the edge, Lexa slowed her movements again, pulling her back from the brink. 

“Not yet,” Lexa murmured, her tone soft but firm. “You don’t get to come until I say so.” 

Clarke let out a frustrated groan, her hips twitching against Lexa’s hold. “You’re killing me here,” she said, her voice a mix of desperation and admiration. 

Lexa chuckled softly, her hand continuing its slow, methodical movements. “Oh, Clarke,” she said with a smirk, her lips brushing against Clarke’s jaw. “This is nothing. I’m just getting started.” 

Clarke’s only response was another groan, her body trembling under Lexa’s touch as she resigned herself to Lexa’s control, the anticipation building with every teasing stroke. 

Clarke’s body was trembling, every nerve on edge as Lexa’s hand worked her cock with slow, torturous precision. Time and again, Lexa brought her to the brink, her hand tightening, her strokes quickening, only to slow down at the last possible moment, leaving Clarke gasping and moaning in frustration. 

“Lexa, please,” Clarke groaned, her voice ragged as she bucked her hips in desperation. “You can’t keep doing this to me.” 

Lexa’s lips curled into a smug smile as she leaned over Clarke, her green eyes glinting with satisfaction. “Oh, I can,” she purred, her voice dripping with playful authority. “And I will… until you tell me exactly what you want.” 

“I’ve told you,” Clarke growled, her hands clutching at the pillow, her knuckles white with tension. “I want to come.” 

Lexa’s hand stilled, her fingers wrapped loosely around Clarke’s cock as she cocked her head, feigning innocence. “Is that all?” she asked, her tone almost sweet. 

Clarke groaned again, her frustration mounting as Lexa refused to give her what she so desperately needed. “Yes, that’s all!” she snapped, her usual composure crumbling under the relentless teasing. 

Lexa’s smile widened, her hand beginning to move again, her strokes maddeningly slow. “I don’t think that’s what you really want,” she said softly, her voice teasing. “Why don’t you try again, Clarke? Tell me exactly what you need me to do.” 

Clarke let out a guttural noise of frustration, her hips lifting futilely against Lexa’s restraint. Her chest heaved as she stared up at her wife, her face flushed, her blue eyes dark with desire. “I need you to let me come,” she ground out, her voice almost a growl. 

Lexa raised a brow, clearly unimpressed with Clarke’s attempt. “That’s not good enough,” she said, her hand coming to a complete stop, making Clarke groan in despair. “Try again, alpha. Beg for it.” 

Clarke’s pride warred with her need for relief, her jaw clenching as she fought to maintain some semblance of control. But the relentless teasing had worn her down, and in a fit of desperation, she finally gave in. 

“Please, Lexa,” Clarke pleaded, her voice breaking as she looked up at her wife with wide, desperate eyes. “I’m begging you. Please let me come. I need it—I need you.” 

Lexa’s smirk softened, her eyes flickering with something almost tender. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” she murmured before leaning down to press a kiss to Clarke’s lips. 

As her hand resumed its movement, her strokes firmer and more purposeful now, Lexa whispered against Clarke’s mouth, “Good girl. Now let me give you what you’ve been begging for.” 

Clarke let out a strangled moan as Lexa’s hand worked her cock with expert precision, the tension in her body coiling tighter and tighter with each stroke. This time, Lexa didn’t stop, didn’t ease back, her pace quickening as Clarke’s moans grew louder, her hips thrusting helplessly into Lexa’s hand. 

“Come for me, Clarke,” Lexa whispered, her voice low and commanding. “Let go.” 

With a final cry, Clarke’s body tensed, and she spilled over Lexa’s hand, her release shuddering through her in waves. Her head fell back against the bed, her chest heaving as she rode out the aftershocks, Lexa’s hand gently stroking her through it until she was utterly spent. 

Lexa leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Clarke’s forehead. “See?” she murmured, her voice full of affection. “All you had to do was ask.” 

Clarke let out a breathless laugh, her eyes fluttering open to meet Lexa’s. “You’re impossible.” 

Lexa smiled, settling beside her and running a hand through Clarke’s sweat-dampened hair. “And you love it,” she said, her tone light but full of certainty. 

Clarke chuckled, pulling Lexa close. “Yeah, I really do.” 

[starryalpacasstuff]

Queer Indian Media: A Compilation

A couple of days ago, @impala124 sent @lurkingshan an ask about the lack of discussion about Queer Indian Media in fandom spaces. I wrote about it here, @neuroticbookworm here, and @waitmyturtles here (both of them have excellent points, I highly recommend you read their posts!). It's become quite apparent that people are willing to watch and engage in discourse about queer Indian media, it's just that the lack of popularity and accessibility makes it harder for people to start. So, I've decided to make a list tracking all of the queer Indian media I know of, and hopefully also any meta/discourse about it, which is an idea I've had floating in my head for months now.

This list is by no means comprehensive, so if you have recs, send them my way! Text me on DM, send an ask, tag me in your posts, whatever. And though it's not possible for me to watch everything on the list, I will be slowly going through as many of these as I can and writing about them, as well as hopefully finding more stuff and easier to access versions for the ones that are harder to access right now. This post is going to be a slow work in progress, but I'm hoping to update it regularly. So, if you'd like me to keep you updated, let me know through the tags/replies and I will tag you in future posts!

I've tagged the people who've recommended certain shows alongside each show. Everything on here is available online. The hyperlinked titles lead you to the media itself, meaning that it's available for free online with subtitles. Other details will be mentioned separately.

Disclaimer: The media I have watched/read have recommendation ratings (which will not always reflect my enjoyment of something, rather are based on how much I'd recommend it). While I did lightly screen everything on here, the criteria was 'has a trailer or otherwise showing queerness to be a central theme in the story' and 'is available online', so take that into account if you decide to pick something up, and definitely watch trailers and/or skim the wikipedia pages beforehand.

Movies

Fire | English | @neuroticbookworm 

Recommendation: 9/10 A 1996 movie surrounding a lesbian couple packed with commentary on religion, class, purity culture and more. Quick Pitch + Historical Context

Kapoor & Sons | Hindi | @neuroticbookworm

Available on Netflix, Prime, and paid on Youtube and Apple TV

Kaathal-The Core | Malayalam | @neuroticbookworm 

Officially on Prime, also available grey without subtitles

Meta by @ineffable-opinions

Super Deluxe | Tamil | @neuroticbookworm 

Officially on a paid streaming service called aha, grey on youtube

Dear Dad | Hindi | @neuroticbookworm 

This is grey on youtube without subtitles, available officially on Disney Hotstar and Amazon Prime

Recommendation: 7.75 Follows a father and a son on a road trip, during which the son accidentally learns that his father is gay. The son struggles with reconciling with the new information, leading to conflict.

Geeli Puchi (Ajeeb Dastaans) | Hindi | @blorbingqls @neuroticbookworm 

Available on Netflix

Cobalt Blue | Hindi | @blorbingqls

Officially on Netflix, also available grey without subtitles

Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga | Hindi | @fallsouthwinter @usertoxicyaoi @neuroticbookworm

Available officially on Netflix, but can also be found grey in two parts without subtitles

Recommendation: 8.5/10 What seems like a typical bollywood movie about a man falling in love with a girl who's family opposes their marriage takes a turn halfway through when it is revealed that the girl has a secret girlfriend. The protagonist then resolves to help the pair by convincing the family to accept them.

Chitrangada: The Crowning Wish | Bengali | @silverquillsideas @neuroticbookworm 

I believe it's available on prime, but you might need to do some digging. Also available grey on youtube without subtitles (the movie is in part Bengali, part English)

Shubh Mangal Zyada Savdhan | Hindi | @silverquillsideas @twig-tea @neuroticbookworm

Officially on Amazon, grey on youtube without subtitles

Maja Ma | Hindi | @flyingrosebeetle @silverquillsideas 

Available on Amazon Prime

Badhaai Do | Hindi

Officially on Netflix, available grey on youtube without subtitles

Loev | Hindi

Available on youtube with Spanish (I think?) subtitles

Margarita With A Straw | Hindi

I believe this is a cut version, it is officially on Netflix which is likely the uncut version

Recommendation: 9/10 A self-discovery story about an Indian woman named Laila with cerebral palsy with great rep and beautiful execution. Meta by @wen-kexing-apologist

Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui | Hindi | anon

Available grey without subtitles, officially on Netflix

Amar Prem Ki Prem Kahani | Hindi | @flowerbeasblog @aneechan

Officially on Jio Cinema, also available grey without subtitles

Time Out | Hindi

Available on Netflix

My Brother…Nikhil | Hindi

Available on youtube without subtitles, also on Amazon Prime

My Son Is Gay | Tamil

Hindi dub available on youtube without subtitles

Little Hearts | Malayalam | @ineffable-opinions

Available officially on Amazon Prime

There's multiple storylines, one of which is queer Meta by @ineffable-opinions

Moothon | Malayalam | @non-beingnary

This is grey on youtube without subtitles, it's officially on Amazon Prime and Zee5, both need subscriptions

Aligarh | Hindi | @ayoungroyal

This is grey with subtitles, it says the subtitles are in hindi for some reason but they're actually in English. Officially on several subscription platforms: JioCinema, Zee5, Amazon Prime, Apple TV

Sisak | Hindi | @blorbingqls

Recommendation: 8.5/10 A fifteen minute silent film about two men who experience mutual attraction to one another while on the same train during their daily commute. It's impactful, and it says a lot without saying anything.

Shows

Romil and Jugal | Hindi | @anixknowsnothin

You do need a vpn if you're outside India to watch it with the above link, it's also grey on youtube without subtitles

Recommendation: 8.5/10 India's modern gay remake of Romeo and Juliet, five years before Bad Buddy Random thoughts

The Married Woman | Hindi | @a-not-knowing-bisexual-wizard

Dev DD Season 2 | Hindi

Legitimately no clue whether this and the prev are grey or official

Made in Heaven | Hindi | @flyingrosebeetle @non-beingnary @neuroticbookworm

Available on Prime

All About Section 377, Still About Section 377 | Hindi

The Story Tales S2 | Gujrati

Insomnia | Hindi

It's a streaming service I've never heard of before, not unlike Gaga, this is one of the darker shows on the list so please do check out the trailer beforehand

Amra 2GayTher | Bengali

Available on two streaming services here and here, both paid

Happy Family, Conditions Apply | Hindi | @non-beingnary

Officially on Amazon Prime, first episode available for free on the official youtube

As far as I know, it's a sitcom with a queer subplot, but I'm not sure how relevant it is to the story

His Storyy | Hindi

Officially on Zee5 for free but you do need to register, unsure of whether or not subtitles are available but guessing no

Murder In Mahim | Hindi | @soberbutsleepless

This is grey without subtitles, its available officially on JioCinema but you need a subscription

Mini gls from @twig-tea (og post here)

Firsts S3 | @tinyreadinglifelight

Neverland

Maaya 2

Last two eps do not have subtitles but the story is followable

The ‘Other’ Love Story @/silverquillsideas 

Just Another Love Story

Books

Memory of Light

Recommendation: 5/10 A historical book set during the colonial era, the lesbian romance is mostly a subplot that loses its way towards the end. It's kind of a drag, but the history component is somewhat interesting.

Don't Let Him Know

Recommendation Rating: 7.5/10 with serious trigger warnings including rape. It's a brutally honest book designed to make the reader uncomfortable, so proceed with caution. I personally liked it quite a lot, but that's majorly because of how authentic the book felt.

Falling Into Place

Recommendation Rating: 8/10 A modern lesbian romance that follows similar beats to the typical thai bl/gl. A little underdeveloped in some places, but overall quite good.

My Magical Palace

Cobalt Blue

The Paths Of Marriage

Marriage Of A Thousand Lies

[smoshyourheadin]

Hello!! I’d like to request Rebecca Welton x reader. Basically reader is just SUPER oblivious, like Rebecca’s trying everything. Giving flowers, taking reader on dates that reader thinks are just friendly, even the whole team and everyone knows except reader

Happy ending ofc! But maybe Rebecca gets annoyed with reader & thinks reader doesn’t like her in that way and readers super confused and shows up to her house or smth idk and then boom whole confession.

This was really long and all over the place I’m sorry😓

properly this time

pairing: rebecca welton x f! reader

a/n: STOP I ADORE THIS REQUEST and also first ted lasso req yay!! also also i’m SO sorry for the lack of posting!! i’ve been kinda burnt out as of recent BUT hopefully i should be back on a regular-ish basis soon :-) ily all 🫶🫶

rebecca welton had never been one to shy away from challenges. as the owner of afc richmond, she tackled everything from skeptical board members to spirited fans. but there was one challenge that had her completely stumped: you.

you, with your bright smile and genuine kindness, had unknowingly captured rebecca's heart. she had tried everything to show her feelings, but you remained blissfully oblivious.

it started with flowers. rebecca sent you an elegant bouquet of your favorite flowers, along with a card that read, "thinking of you. - rebecca." you thanked her with a smile, saying how thoughtful she was and how much you loved having fresh flowers in your office. she hoped you might pick up on the hint, but you seemed to take it as a friendly gesture.

next, she invited you out for dinner. a candle-lit table at one of the finest restaurants in town, where the two of you shared an exquisite meal and deep conversation. as rebecca looked into your eyes, she felt sure that this would be the moment you realized her intentions. but when you hugged her goodbye and thanked her for the "great friendly evening," she knew her subtle hints were not getting through.

the team started to notice too. keeley pulled her aside one day and asked, "so, any progress with you-know-who?" to which rebecca sighed, shaking her head. even the players were catching on, often giving you knowing looks when you two were together. but you remained completely unaware of the undercurrent of affection in her gestures.

one day, after yet another failed attempt at getting through to you, rebecca finally reached her breaking point. she invited you to her house for dinner, hoping that a more intimate setting would help you understand her feelings. but when you arrived, you greeted her with the same cheerful smile, completely missing the nervous tension in her eyes.

as the evening progressed, she grew more frustrated. you chatted happily about your day, blissfully unaware of the turmoil she was experiencing. finally, rebecca couldn't take it anymore.

"do you like me?" she blurted out, interrupting your story about a funny incident at training with dani.

you blinked, taken aback by the sudden question. "of course, i do. you're one of my best friends."

"no," rebecca said, her voice shaking slightly. "i mean, do you like me more than that? romantically?"

the room fell silent as you processed her words. realization dawned on your face, and you felt a rush of emotions. how had you missed all the signs? the flowers, the dinners, the lingering touches - it all made sense now.

"oh my god, rebecca," you said, standing up and moving closer to her. "i had no idea. i'm so sorry i was so clueless."

rebecca looked at you, hope and vulnerability in her eyes. "so, what do you think? do you feel the same way?"

you reached out and took her hands in yours. "i do. i really do. i just didn't realize... i didn't see it."

rebecca let out a relieved laugh, pulling you into a tight hug. "you have no idea how happy that makes me," she whispered into your hair.

you pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. "can we start over? properly this time?"

rebecca smiled, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your lips. "i’d like that very much."

from that moment on, there was no more confusion. you and rebecca were finally on the same page, ready to embark on a new chapter together, hand in hand.

[maehemthemisfit]

★ 𝐄𝐔𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐏𝐓𝐔𝐒 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 𝟐𝐊 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 ! ★

plant a dream and watch the story bloom . . . welcome to eucalyptus dreams ! in honor of hitting 2k, this is an event where you get to interact/roleplay with a few characters from the fandoms i write for !

📘: STATUS : OPEN 🫐: TYPE : INTERACTIVE 💙: ENDING : TO BE ANNOUNCED

★﹕WHY DON'T YOU . ˚ ⊹ // RULES

please make sure that you mention somewhere in your ask the character you're talking to and if it's a specific version make the timeline known (ex: teen!gojo).

you can send in asks as other canon characters, ocs, or ask something that isn't plot orientated/based on you playing a character.

if a character is responding to a plot orientated ask involving a non canon character/oc, only gender neutral terms will be used (unless stated otherwise) for the most part and everything will be writen in second person, so mainly-if not all-terms will be "you" and "your".

i don't mind you detaling some of the actions of the characters i'm writing for and vaguely mentioning things the character has said, but typing out the character's actual dialogue is my job !

i will not mention your oc's physical appearance unless you bring attention to them (eye color, hair length, afrocentric features, etc).

no incest, stepcest, teacher/student or minor/adult romantic relationships, pregnacies (parenthood i can get by), explicit material, or anything progressively leading up to an explicit act. some suggestiveness however is fine.

if i answer your ask and you're uncomfortable with it please let me know!

if you don't want to see the event, you can block #eucalyptus dreams event.

if you have any questions comments or concerns about the rules feel free to shoot me an ask !

★﹕LOVE ME ? . ˚ ⊹ // CHARACTERS

Genshin: Lyney, Freminet, Heizou, Tighnari, Xiao, Wanderer/Scara, Kazuha

Jujutsu Kaisen: Gojo Satoru, Itadori Yuji, Sukuna

Danganronpa: Nagito Komeada, Kokichi Oma (closed for the moment)

if the event goes well then in 3 days the danganronpa characters will be open. this is partially to control the influx of asks i get (hopefully) but you can still send in asks for closed fandoms and have your ask queued for when they do open!

please keep in mind that these are a lot of characters and i may get a lot of asks for multiple ones, so bare with me when it comes to responding to all of them. other factors that may slow the process is my lack of experience / comfortability writing for certain characters, but I will try my best to make each interaction as in character as possible!

I will not respond to asks that breaks the rules or anything that makes me uncomfortable.

[choerypetal]

Yooooo!!! That Snow fic you recently released involving the reader and Treech being in love? Absolute masterpiece! So hear me out: what if you wrote about their connection and how it progressed? Like, before Coryo got his clutches on the reader. There was a moment you described where Treech and the reader snuck out, I’m pretty sure. I’d love to see a story on that. Maybe end it with those dying words you mentioned? Just utter fluff with that heartbreak of an ending.

Capitol's love birds. / Treech

summary : being Snow's twin meant being exactly like him, even though your appearances were slightly different. As a mentor yourself, you were assigned to District 7's male tribute, Treech. it was only in the wagon on its way to the Capitol that the chemistry first sparked, ultimately solidifying your status as the Capitol's favorite lovebirds.

ps ; english is not my native language, and I appreciate seeing your requests for ideas that I may not have thought of. Hopefully, you find the suggestions helpful. please refrain from plagiarizing my work without my permission or proper credit, as doing so may result in being flagged or banned. thank you.

Mentoring proved to be a challenging responsibility, but the greatest struggle arose when love entered the picture. However, this was no ordinary affection; it was a type of love that some might view as disgraceful, while others perceived it as a form of admiration amid the Games. Although Treech wasn't particularly interested in getting to know his mentor, let alone encountering them in another restricted enclosure, it was within those confines that the two of you crossed paths. Despite being Snow's twin traditionally constantly at his side, it was unquestionable that you, too, were destined to trail behind him to discover who your tribute was. 

While taking pride in mentoring someone from a district not situated at the lowest rungs of Panem's hierarchy, you were fortunate enough to maintain a semblance of dignity, given the reputation of the district you represented for its familiarity with victory. However, Lucy Gray Baird's captivating performance, the talk of the town since the reaping, cast shadows of doubt over your confidence. All of this, while your brother engaged with fellow tributes, attempting his best to establish his temptation not to gith back. 

You couldn't help but notice the stark class distinctions. Dust still clung to their attire, indicating a lack of access to basic amenities like showers before arriving. A twinge of sympathy crept in. "What's a pretty face doing here?" Reaper Ash remarked, catching you off guard. Initially assuming the comment was directed at Coriolanus, you soon realized it was aimed squarely at you. The revelation that you, too, were to become a mentor became apparent. And that the unspoken pressure to make a positive first impression on the fortunate second tribute who had the early opportunity to meet you loomed large. But Ash simply laughed at your brother’s reaction by ordering you stay behind him. Although poorly as his arm performed itself as a fence initiating to any tributes not to go further. "Relax, pretty boy. I won't touch her. Just asking for a friend, that's all." 

That friend happened to be Treech, whose imposing silhouette positioned itself in front of you a little closer this time. His gaze had been fixed on you from the moment he laid eyes on you. While you initially attributed it to natural human interaction, the persistent feeling of being scrutinized lingered throughout. It seemed as if Treech was almost surprised or even deceived to have you as his mentor, likely influenced by how your brother had fared so far. "Looking for District 7." You mentioned exchanging quick glances with the tributes to assess who would be best with an axe.

 As expected, your eyes landed on the red-headed girl who endeavored to present herself as the ideal candidate for you. "A boy." Your brother corrected, noticing as Lamina stood up, but Treech, adopting a protective stance, advised her to remain behind, much like your twin had done. After all it was a one-on-one game for the time being. "That must be my lucky one." Treech expressed sarcastically, stating it as a matter of fact, causing a subtle pink shade to color your cheeks – a reaction you tried hard to control. After all, it was your very first time you had seen someone outside the District ever. "You get to have the other pretty one." Ash teased playfully, suggesting that, despite Treech's charming demeanor, he was seemingly destined for a grim fate in the arena upon arrival. “I’m a little jealous.” Ash generously said.

Upon reaching the Capitol, you and your brother were taken aback as you discovered an unforeseen aspect of the tributes' journey. The initial understanding was that Flickerman, the Capitol's esteemed journalist, would be present to introduce each tribute upon their arrival. However, what they were unaware of was the presence of two mentors among the tributes, perhaps trespassing without official permission. This, however, was a matter for another time. Despite the somewhat unconventional transportation, Treech remained fixated on you throughout the journey to the Capitol. He seemed entranced by the striking resemblance between you and your brother, sparking a sense of compassion. Observing your interactions and the way you closely accompanied your brother, it was rumored that you were akin to his pet, only permitted to speak when approved by Coriolanus. Despite his disdain for the District, your brother demonstrated a surprising degree of protectiveness towards you, although in the midst of the situation, allowed  some space during the encounter with your tribute in an unexpected location. 

Fortunately, your keen observation allowed you to realize that you were reaching your destination, a detail that eluded many, including Coryo himself. Swiftly grasping your twin’s arm, a gesture he had ensured, the sudden tilt of the wagon hinted at the possibility of your feet slipping and sliding. Treech's eyes widened at your momentary clumsiness, seizing the opportunity to support you. As your back met the uncomfortable mud of the Zoo, he was determined not to lose his mentee on the spot. 

Cameras focused intently on both you and your brother, eliciting a crowd reaction filled with exclamations such as, "It's Snow's boy!" Swiftly, the onlookers noticed your presence next to your brother, who rose and asserted himself. There you stood, a captivating spectacle, with Treech's arm securing your waist and his unwavering gaze fixed on yours. A sly smirk played on his lips as the rest of the crowd declared your presence as well. "And look! The other Snow!" The citizens of the Capitol, already entranced by the presence of the twin siblings on their tributes' first day, began expressing confidence in your victory. This added an additional layer of challenge for the other mentors who were absent from this captivating spectacle. "It's your cue, princess." 

"Princess" was the first word he used to address you. Ironically, it took you a moment to realize that all the cameras were focused on you. Your brother had already made his mark, keeping a careful eye to ensure your tribute didn't make any missteps, especially when it came to touching you. However, you were completely under Treech's influence. With a confident smile, he waved at the cameras, making it a bit easier for you to face the potential embarrassment later at home. "She's alright!" He assured, shifting his gaze quickly to your relieved brother. He could have sworn he saw a few Capitol ladies, with similar makeup to yours, watching in awe at how Treech gallantly assisted you. As he watched the scene unfold with Lucy and Snow not far away, he too decided to play the role of the Capitol's love bird. 

As preparations for the 10th Hunger Games were underway, Flickerman's team mandated interviews with every tribute each year. From the very beginning, you managed to establish trust with Treech, a bond that proved beneficial. Not only did you ensure he was well-fed, but you also took the initiative to fetch Lamina additional food, given her mentor's apparent neglect. Treech appreciated the maternal role you assumed for Lamina. On one occasion, he confessed that he would go to great lengths for her, even if it meant risking his own life to secure her victory as the final tribute. It was all in the pursuit of making District 7 proud once again, for a Lumberjack always harbors a wealth of secrets up their sleeves. 

During his time at the Zoo, Treech found increased joy in your company, particularly when you accompanied him for a quick visit to the arena. Following suit with other tributes, he decided to take the initiative in making the first move. It happened on that initial day when he casually attempted to hold your hand, his fingers gently intertwining with yours. You discreetly glanced at him, careful not to make it too obvious given the presence of the assigned tributes and their mentors. With Coriolanus behind you taking notice. Yet, observing Treech's attempts to connect with you, he sensed a deeper connection between the two of you. Realizing this, your elder sibling understood the need to strengthen his bond with Lucy. To Treech's delight, he could only imagine your brother envying a love that he would never receive in return. 

With insider knowledge of the arena and sneaky routes into the Academy, Treech and you managed to slip away after the arena visit. Observing his interaction back with District 4's tribute and noticing his vigilance, a few teases were all it took to provoke Treech into throwing a punch, especially when faced with comments like. "Your girlfriend wouldn't mind if I speak with you?" While it was clear that others were aware of your connection, Treech dismissed it as a mere game, refusing to believe that it held any deeper significance. However, his sentiments towards you had sparked an unexpected depth of emotion within him. "Just a reminder." He sternly directed at the other tribute, his gaze darkening with offense. Spotting you behind him with Lamina by your side, Treech asserted. "You don't speak such filth about Y/N." The onlookers chuckled at his protectiveness and the evident depth of his emotions. "Or else?" They added, challenging anyone who dared to disrespect you. 

"Or else, I won't hesitate to cut your head off with my axe. Watch yourself, because I can do it in the blink of an eye." With those words, Treech revealed what you truly meant to him. He could vividly recall Snow's concerned gaze as he tried to pull you away from the escalating situation. However, you had refused that day, meeting Treech's eyes the entire time after discussing the tributes he would be teamed with. "For Lamina's sake," You had pleaded, urging him to be cautious. "Those individuals only seek your vulnerability. They may be from District 4, but they don't understand the power of an axe." Was what Treech said reassuring you with a smile. A smile you’ll never forget. 

In that very moment, you decided to take Treech with you for a clandestine escape from the arena. It was a day when even the tributes were granted the freedom to either stay at the arena for practice or wander under the watchful eyes of the Peacekeepers. However, Treech and you had a different agenda. You used the excuse of wanting to make his training more convenient as a cover. For some inexplicable reason, you had the approval of Dr. Gaul, who only instructed that Treech needed to return to the Zoo before midnight. It seemed that being Snow's twin had its perks after all. 

Upon your arrival at the Academy's Greenhouse, both of you maintained a quiet atmosphere. This place held a special significance for you, offering tranquility during moments of anxiety or family pressure. Though it was suspected that you were in charge of the Greenhouse, under your grandmother's watchful eye and constant reminders to enjoy tending to flowers like she did, you chose to share this haven with Treech. It was the same place where you had once spoken briefly to him, and he was thrilled not only to spend time alone with you but also to witness the real person behind the facade of prestige and elegance showcased in public. Trying to ease the slight tension, Treech remarked. "You know, I'd be damned to see your brother's face if he were here." It was a fact that you were gradually opening up to someone. The type that was once a stranger and now someone to feel loved by. "Brother could care less; he has Lucy wrapped around his finger right now.” You added, acknowledging the complexities of your relationships within the family. 

A smirk played across Treech's face, revealing his amusement at the thought of your brother feeling jealous. Although they were in similar positions, this time the connection between you and Treech was authentic, not just for show. Playful teasing began to permeate every event at the Academy, serving as a tactic to expose vulnerabilities in both of you. However, with Treech's mentor skills and the insights gained from your brother's tips, he honed his skills and strength, making it increasingly difficult for others to exploit weaknesses or gain his trust. "And would it be fair to say that I, too, have my little finger entirely wrapped around you, Princess?" He added, playfully reciprocating the banter. 

His words caused a warm blush to spread across your cheeks, especially when he directed his attention toward you during wound care in practice. The worry in your eyes whenever he made a slight mistake was met with a reassuring thumbs-up and the smile you cherished. There were moments when it became challenging for him to stay focused, particularly when he saw you engaged in conversations with your other classmates. Despite the casual nature of those interactions, he couldn't resist the urge to draw your attention back to him. In response, you chuckled softly, suggesting a meeting on the rooftop of the Greenhouse to admire the stars. "Anything that involves being with you, I'll gladly say yes." He replied with a smile. “You know, I love when you blush more. Especially for me.” 

Without uttering a word, you playfully dismissed his comment, rolling your eyes in a teasing manner. You extended your hand, a gesture he effortlessly accepted. "Show me the way, Princess." He said, and together, you ascended the stairs. Luck was on your side as you reached the rooftop just as the sun of the Capitol dipped below the horizon, signaling the arrival of dawn. The sky was clear, and the stars of Panem glittered above, creating a breathtaking scene just for the two of you. "Looks like I'm the lucky one." He marveled at the view. "Having a beautiful face to look at and a beautiful scenery to enjoy all to myself. I'd be damned not to win these Games and return home to a beautiful angel." He confessed, and this time, he genuinely meant every word. 

On the other hand, you remained completely silent. Initially, you wanted to express your gratitude, but as the Games drew nearer, uncertainty crept in, even with Treech's skills. The looming uncertainty, especially regarding Lucy's well-being and Snow's single-minded pursuit of victory, left you unsure. Despite your love for your brother, his focus was solely on winning, regardless of the familial bond. Treech noticed the tension as the two of you sat next to the bench, and he tried to bring you closer. In an unexpected reaction, you flinched—a rare occurrence. "Hey—" Treech began, but he immediately noticed your slightly swollen face and your eyes fighting back tears. The man you loved had become, overnight, a complete stranger at best. "Look at me, Y/N." He pleaded, adopting a worried tone as you broke down in front of him. The situation must have been incredibly embarrassing for you. 

"What's wrong?" His voice softened as he looked at you, tender care evident in his gaze. He took immense pride in having you as his partner during the Games and falling in love with the most exceptional mentors he could have ever asked for. He harbored concerns about the possibility of you crying over his lifeless body, should the worst come to pass. The thought of hearing you scream his name filled him with worry, although he made a concerted effort not to show it. His overarching plan was to make you proud and, above all, to be loved by you until his very last breath. 

"Have you ever genuinely fallen in love?" Your question resonated with Treech. Of course, he loved you. You were an unexpected and, ironically, his first love. And so for you. The circumstances of your meeting might not have been ideal, but as long as he was with you, that's all that mattered. And if things worked in his favor, it was not just for him but for Lamina as well, given that she often regarded you as someone she could trust. "Like genuinely." You added, trying your best not to burst into laughter. Your tears didn't make it any easier, giving you a slightly maniacal tone. 

“Of course, and that person is sitting right in front of me.” His eyes not taking his gaze from you. How he watched you loosing yourself entirely in the moment of a mere seconds. Your old habits resurging as you would try to numb the pain of your fingers by scratching the very last skin until it bled. To which Treech could not help to notice the moment he had met you. He grabbed your fingers, making you to stop it quickly as he began to peck every single fingers. “And I have made a promise to myself, that if I’d ever win. That we will be reunited together. Build a family, run away together. Be the lovebirds the Capitol wants us to be.” 

A mixture of remorse and relief surged through you as you heard every word from Treech, assuring you that he would stay alive and well. If only you could muster the same confidence he exuded. Despite your attempts, he gently wiped away your tears, his fingers delicately holding your chin to meet his gaze. "You know, even if it's not the conventional way to confess one's love to another, I might be able to let myself do it." He said, leaning in to press his lips against yours. They were soft, just as you expected, carrying the comforting scent of wood he had kept upon his arrival—a reminder of home, a home with both you and Treech. 

"I love you to the bottom of my heart. I know our first meetings weren't the best, but the way you cared for Lamina, and even showed care to me, proved something deeper. If we can continue doing that every night until the Games, I'll make sure you genuinely know that I love you." He confessed once the kiss broke. His words carried a weight that nearly brought tears to your eyes, holding you in place. The both of you chuckled at the irony of the situation, yet a newfound sense of confidence enveloped you—something you had never experienced before, especially as someone from a District. 

"Man, I wish we could continue this, but I don't want you to get punished for bringing me here—" This time, you swiftly cut him off, recognizing that it wasn't the right time for such activities, especially just a few days before the Games. Instead, you proposed a deal—a deal he seemed to enjoy a little too much. Every time you had the chance to train with him, just before returning him to the Zoo, you would indulge in cuddling and sometimes reminisce about home. Occasionally, these encounters escalated into intense make-out sessions, leaving him with a desire to mark you visibly. The marks led to teasing from some classmates, making you blush, and occasional interventions from your brother. Despite casual warnings, Treech took pleasure in denying everything with a smirk that your brother despised. To add to his delight, that same night, Treech deepened the marks, leaving a lasting impression. Just to see Snow’s furious face once again. 

Although this little pleasure was only going to last very soon, when the Games were officially commencing and you knew that. With you being at least able to say your final goodbyes to Treech, he could to feel your worrying about his situation. Cupping your face so delicately as a mention that everything was going to be alright. It was the last time that you also felt his lips brushing against yours. A kiss you would not forget so easily. 

During the Games, you and the remaining mentors, alongside your brother, watched with stress and concern for the well-being of your tributes. While your eyes remained fixed on Treech, you also tried your best to ensure Lamina's safety. However, the situation took a dire turn when the poison finally affected Treech. Feeling helpless, you did everything in your power to find a remedy, attempting to prevent the symptoms from worsening and to make them last until only one tribute remained. "The poison!" You angrily tried to draw attention, tears welling up as you called out to your brother, who paid no heed. Seeing you suffer for the one you loved was what he had envisioned from the start. His pleasure lay in witnessing Treech's suffering on screen. "Please! Give him the medication!" You appealed to your District 7's female mentor, but it was too late. Treech's coughing worsened, and your eyes remained fixed on the screen. "Treech..." was all you could say. 

Treech sensed that you were watching him, but whether it was with shame or grief, he couldn't discern. What he was certain of was seeing the expression on your face—a face that conveyed concern and a desperate desire to help. He knew that if the poison were to affect him, you would swiftly send the medication. However, it didn't happen, and he realized it was too late. Lucy had managed to escape, unlike him, who became the prisoner of an inevitable and senseless death. As he noticed the cameras focused on him, he understood that by now, you would be looking at him. "Y/N..." he began to cough in the middle of his sentence, capturing the attention of everyone in the room, including your brother. "I loved you since we met. Please, once I am gone, I want you to know that I genuinely loved and will always love you." 

"No!!" Your voice wavered between tears, desperately trying to advocate for the medication option repeatedly. Cursing under your breath, you fought against Pliny Harrington, who did his best to restrain you. "Y/N..." he tried to console you, sensing the profound grief from everyone's tributes, including yours. What he failed to comprehend was the deep connection between you and Treech, destined to become the Capitol's favorite lovebirds. "It's too late..." His voice turned into a plea for you to stop. It was at that moment that your entire body went numb. In Pliny’s arms, you managed to sit down, and as Snow's victory loomed over you, you realized that your confidence was about to be completely overshadowed once again. You would become Snow's source of pride and victory.

A man you had once loved would forever reside in your heart. In the heart of District 7, you were revered for your role as a caretaker for both its female and male tribute. What you were not aware of was that, unlike Snow, you became the face of purity and trust—a bond between the District and the people of the Capitol. It was a paid respect for the Capitol's most famous lovebirds.

[hqlmsbury]

A good girls guide to murder tv show review

Haven’t been on here in a hot sec but I just really feel like venting about this show. I LOVE the books they are incredible and pip and Ravi are SOSO special. The tv show had all the capabilities to be a great adaptation, I don’t mind minor changes that make it easier for first time viewers but a lot of it rubbed me the wrong way. Here are some of my thoughts so spoilers ahead!

• nats character. What in the actual world made them decide to merge Nat with (Chloe? I think was the name) Andies other best friend. It changed Nats ENTIRE character. It lost that interest factor which made it seem like Nat really could be the bad guy, it felt unnecessary and disappointing to her character

• my pipravi moments. Why was there not one single Pipravi moment that was the same in the books. Literally not one. Pip doesnt share her location so Ravi has to go to Cara at the end. Ravi doesn’t go into Becca’s house at first because he’s scared, rightfully so but Ravi would never have endangered Pip like that! Ravi wanting to move away immediately after they figured out sals innocence???? The moments they got lacked the essential chemistry that all those little moments had. There was no reason for Pip to go into Becca’s house alone Ravi easily could’ve went with her just like in the book and we could’ve gotten the “real men wear floral while trespassing” line. Those small but important moments that make the characters and the relationship.

• Pip was not as smart as in the books. I sort of understand why they made it seem that way as they had to progress the show quicker but I think certain things were handed to her. Finding Howie was one of those scenes why was it so quick, easy, and almost painless. And later on he’s barely mentioned at all. Where was the blackmailing?!?!

• going of the last point why did Naomi tell Pip about Maxs secret instagram, again it made it seem like pip could not figure it out herself, there was no sneaking around and logging into Naomi’s computer. It was all handed to her

• the girl in Mr. Wards attic. Why did she know who she was lol? I think it unfairly made it look like Mr. Ward was more evil than he really was. In the book he really did think it was Andie and that he was helping her. Keeping this girl “trapped” in his attic because he told her he killed Sal was also an unnecessary part of the story.

• having Victor Amobi be suspected?!?!? What in the world was that. It added drama that was completely unnecessary to the story, Victor is such a great character and he is so special to Pip in the books. I feel adding that was something they tried to do to “spice things up” when sticking to the original storyline would’ve been a much better path.

• Barney’s death. I can’t recall if it was ever mentioned Becca was the one who killed Barney but again where was that suspenseful feeling? And also this was a purposeful kill when in the books Becca actually did release Barney and he was killed on accident.

• a couple of little things. I felt like the actors they cast for Pips friend group looked way older, however Asha who plays Cara grew on me and I really enjoyed her as Cara.

If they make a second season I will watch it and hope for better and hopefully they get more funding and Holly is more involved with the script. These are only a few of the things I was disappointed about because overall I don’t think it did the books justice at all. I enjoyed pip as Emma and think Zain did a good job with Ravi considering the script they had.

[ihatebrainstorm]

What are ur thoughts on IDW Prowl?

Just a lil curious :3

ohhohhhhehhehahhehahh...

Alright, first off: I'm horrid at explaining my thoughts cohesively in words, so this is gonna have a lot of me scribbling, yelling, and virtually shaking you back and forth, but just bare with me here as I commit crimes against linguistics...

HE'S SUCH A PRICK. A GENUINE PRICK, SUCH A FRIKIN THORN UP THE ASS I HATE LOVE HIM SO DAMN MUCH. Smug asshole probably was cited in the definition of the word "jerk", he's just sooo,,,, HHHHGRGG- Exactly the type of character where you love him, but you still cheer when karma comes around the corner and serves him 5 star yelped review can of "whoopass to the face" y'know???? Sometimes he deserves it, sometimes he doesn't, but either way you feel god awful when he shows vulnerability or starts feeling regret.. To a point where it almost feels that subconsciously, I'd rather he be a one dimensional villain type character just to avoid him being hurt? If that makes sense?

He's somehow such an asshole, but such an endearing one at the same time?? His dialogue delivery is so comedic in a way where it seems like he's severely lacking self awareness, but because of who he is you can't tell if he's doing that on purpose to get a rise out of someone gaghhh- The king, the master, and seasoned veteran of "Holy Crap You Should Not Have Said That To Their Face"

But he's also so sad?? The way you watch as former close associates lose trust in him as the story progresses, his realization of said fact, the trauma he sustains from having his mind be exposed/controlled multiple times over, watching as even Optimus turns his back on him, that whole Tarantulas fiasco, etc. etc. It really hurts watching his slow, meandering descent into isolation

He makes me want to aggressively throw him on a couch using a trebuchet before layering him in cozy blankets, the number of which would rival the princess and the pea's mattress count- I just,,, desperately want him to catch a break and relax a bit,,,,,

but also it'd be really funny if someone bolted his table into the floor. I'm just saying......

(Hopefully that was cohesive enough? I dunno maybe my memory is a bit warped and my perception of him is all wonky? It's been a hot minute since I've read the earlier IDW comics skdfks- Either way, agree or disagree, these be my thoughts on him.. minus all the cut out aggressive screaming and table pounding)

[seeminglydark]

Idk if this means anything to you but I'm a comic artist who's had a hard time doing art for a few years. The first four was because of life hardship and lack of time/chronic pain, but now lately I've had time but a mental block. I'm creeping up on 30 and felt bad about myself for "missing out" on my opportunity to be a comic artist. It was really validating to see you post about being 41 (correct me if I'm wrong) especially since you have such wonderful comics that I've been following for a while now. It makes me feel less like I'm wasting my time putting my things in order when I "should" be drawing.

Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive or anything. It was just comforting and validating. Anyway, big fan! Love your characters a whole lot and hope you have a good day!

Dear Anon

I am 41 years old. I have wanted to make comics my entire life. before my dad got sick, and my childhood kinda fell apart, all i did was draw. after that, i used the stories in my head to cope. life moved on. i was convinced not to accept a partial scholarship to an art school in California. life got hard. i worked at a hotel, and after i escaped an abusive relationship at 22 i hitchhiked/bused far far away to start over. i tried to make comics again, but i had to survive, and so i got another job doing the only thing i knew how to do, hotels. and i worked. and worked. and life got harder and times got heavier and i didn't get time to draw and i worked double hours, 15 to 17 hours a day. and i went four years without drawing a single thing.

i kept working myself into the ground. i was 29 now. i picked up a pen again and drew a red haired boy. he had a hard life and no love and no friends. his problems were on the outside, for everyone to see. he ran away but his problems went with him.

i was 32. surely i was too old now. my time to be an artist was gone. i had no school. no hope. i was so far behind the younger gen i saw online. i cried. all the time. i wrote stories in my email drafts while i worked shifts. i stayed up late trying to learn how to draw again. i cried some more. the boy grew. i called him Fiach. worthy. a raven. later i renamed him Avery. he was like a bird, he had wings, he was my hope. i started writing some friends for him. the people i wished i had around me.

i started finding time and space. i got a new job, something where i was lucky enough to set my own hours. for the first time i had a partner who believed in me. things were hard. but i was drawing now. and that helped.

i went on a road trip and i started drawing pages of an unnamed story on 6 by 8 paper in a sketchbook. i drew 20 of them. 'what could i call this?' i thought. Nothing Seems as Dark...no says my partner. Seemingly Dark. he made me a logo. i was 35. i bought an ipad, i cant do this on paper, its too much story i have too much to say. so i learned how to draw digitally by tracing my own trad art pages.

I spoke to my dad for the last time on June 17th, fathers day that year. he said 'you're good. i'm proud. and you're gonna do amazing things. none of this is your fault. and we will speak again soon.' i didn't know id never hear his voice again. he died a week later.

i turned 36. i kept trying. i'm old, i don't understand the internet. how can i share this?

i stumbled across Lore Olympus. i was introduced to webcomics. id read comics online before but the thought never occurred to me. i opened an account on Tapas. and then i stared at it. what if no one likes it. what if its bad. my art isn't good. i should wait til i'm better. but will i ever really be better? or will i always believe that tomorrow is better? do it now. if even one person gets something out of this story, this story about a boy who is you, a boy who looking for hope, a boy who might make it, then that is enough isn't it.

June 17th 2018 i launched Seemingly Dark.

SD's five year anniversary is in a week. 0ver 700 pages. leaps and bounds in progress with my skills. a printed comic under my belt as of monday. i was always a storyteller. but i was always an artist too.

I am 41 years old, dear anon. I did not truly embark on this journey til i was 35. life got in the way. even now, chronic illness gets in the way. but its worth it. its never ever too late. i believe in you the way my dad believed in me. i reset my life again and again. but I was always an artist. and if thats who you are, and who you want to be, even if things dont go the way you wished they could, you're an artist too.

im 41 years old. i speak about my age, even though i often feel too old to belong in spaces, cuz really, in this case age is just a number. take care of yourself. do what you need to do. and little by little, when your able, carve out your space until it becomes more of a habit. sometimes i think about all the years i lost not drawing or creating. but there's a lot of factors that make me believe had i made my story then, it wouldn't be the story it is now, i needed to live a bit. i needed to find myself. i know this was long, but i just wanted you to see i also had to put my life in order, and getting notes like this reminds me it wasnt at all a waste. im glad i could offer you some comfort. thats honestly the best compliment i could ever receive.

TL;dR I was 35 when i sat down and seriously started making comics, because life always got in the way and so did my confidence. i always feared being too old. im 41 now, still going strong.

[heartfragment]

September 2024 Update

Hello everyone - it sure has been a while, huh? 

First, let me apologize that updates are so lacking lately. Unfortunately, the past few months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. The time that should have been for working on Heart Fragment the most was unfortunately addled by some rough life circumstances. I won't go into depth too much, as it'd be a lot to put on everyone, but I want to share that the struggle exists because I believe in transparency while I keep you all updated. I don't want to worry anyone though; I feel like things are finally, hopefully, beginning to improve and I am feeling much more like myself again. 

That said, it has not been all bad! There's been a lot of positives as well and as I come out of what felt like a nightmare where I'd lost myself, I'm able to reflect on all the good things that have managed to keep me afloat. I am not going to let these setbacks keep me down forever. I've been pushing through and making progress whenever I can.

The support and patience of everyone during this time of general inactivity is extremely appreciated. I've said before and I'll say it again - the writing, programming, and development aspects of Heart Fragment has been primarily a one-person job, and sometimes that's an awful lot to carry in addition to the life struggles that one has to face. Even so, I'm still deeply passionate about finishing this project no matter what, and I am determined that I will see it through to the end.

Please know that I am not using this as an excuse for any delays or setbacks in progress. I am committed to this game and I am going my best to strike a better work-life balance moving forward. I've historically had a tendency to neglect my health and work for long hours to get things done as quickly as possible, but I am realizing more and more just how damaging that was.

With all that out of the way, let's get some good news in here!

As you know, in terms of story, the only route left to finish is Natalia's. Despite everything, I'm happy to say I've made some progress on it and I can't wait for you all to play it. There's been a lot of hype for Jasper's route that I've seen, but I hope you'll all enjoy Natalia's story too - it is a very complex one with a lot of layers to it, and I think anyone who has played the previous routes will have a fun time picking up all of the little details. 

I know it may seem like progress has been slow, and I thank you all once again for your patience and understanding. I am really putting my heart and soul into this project. The enthusiasm and encouragement that I've seen over the last while has been a driving force for me not to give up and my day is always brightened when someone has something positive to say about Heart Fragment. It is like a little spark of hope that keeps me running!

Until next time, everyone! Thanks again for your continued support. With lots of love,

Casper Swann

[trekkele]

Hello! I've read your Steph and Bruce story piece about them being similar, which lead me to thinking: what do you think of a Batman story of Stephanie being Bruce's first partner instead of Dick, like in The Batman 2004 where they had Barbara be Bruce's first sidekick instead? Well, more like not-quite sidekick because Bruce sure as hell won't approve of a kid putting herself in danger and I'm sure Stephanie does not appreciate being ordered around by any kind of authority figure after her father, but B sure as hell isn't going to let this kid die in the streets seeing that she sure won't be stopping anytime soon, and Stephanie in her first year as Spoiler could use some help to keep her from kicking the bucket too soon. How would YOU write such team-up and reluctant collaboration, their relationship progressing forward, hopefully positively? And writing in Dick and Barbara afterwards, if you don't mind?

Have a good week come to you, eat vegetables and drink water daily.

Oh this is a great great concept because Steph and Dick (and Bruce) do come to vigilantism in a very similar way!! They both decided on their own, they both has their own “costume”, their goals, their motivations for being heroes outside of being heroes, they both keep coming back even when Bruce sends them home!! Steph suffers from the double hammer of Bruce being post DitF and 90s editorial misogyny, so positioning her as the first would be fantastic for her and Bruces relationship, actually.

I imagine it would play out a lot like Babs Batgirl. Babs was, originally, a college(?) student, or at the very least over 16 when she first started, so a lot of the “fuck you you cant tell me what to do” was literal. She also had a living parent and no supervillain parent, which, from my understanding, is why Bruce didnt really get her motivation- he understands she wants to help obviously but she still has people who would miss her if she dies. Contrast that with Stephs living parent (fuck you you cant tell me what to do) and her supervillain parent (clear cut motivation, and, crucial for “the first”, an end point. Bruce assumes putting cluemaster away will get Steph to stop, similar to Zucco. He agrees to help her assuming its a short term thing) and I think Spoiler would have an even better reception then Batgirl.

I think they would work well together. I think Steph would be a lot less impressed with Bruce then Dick was, simply because Dick grew up with heroes in his parents, while Steph is a lot less likely to just assume an adult really does mean her benefit. (Yes Dick would have/had trust issues. Him having a stable home life made those issues a symptom not systemic). I think she’d also be less likely to push back in certain ways because of that lack of trust - Bruce would have to work a lot harder and longer to prove he really is different, and i think a year 2 Bruce would actually be perfect for it.

I think he would push for her to tell Crystal a lot more in this situation. I think hed be a lot more likely to get involved in Stephs home life too. It would be interesting to see if he would try and get Steph placed with him (no. Definitely not. Eligible bachelor fosters young boy is one headline, Eligible Bachelor fosters teenage girl is a completely separate headline) or with someone he trusts. Like Jim. Steph and Babs as sisters but Steph is the big sister?!?!

Steph i think ends up a lot more confident a lot faster. She has always known what she is capable of and i dont think she relies on Bruce to validate her but in canon she does appreciate and want that validation. Which makes sense, her Batman is a legend! This Batman is still just a guy when you peel the layers back. Theres no one for him to pass her off too, theres no one to point to and say “do you want a grave?” Theres nothing stopping Bruce from encouraging her the way he canonically encouraged Dick in the early years. I think Bruce looked at his mistakes and took “damning with faint praise” very literally, but this Steph wouldn’t deal with that.

I think they would work really well together.

And assuming the time line only shifts a little, Dick arriving lets say 2 years in? 10-12 year old Dick and 16-18 year old Stephanie and 18-20 year old Babs???? Gotham will not survive and neither will Bruce lmao

[jelly-belly-sickfics]

Causing Chaos in My Belly

This one is based on a true story from a years back. Go easy on me please, this is my first one so I'm still getting used to the tags 🥺.

I had traveled all day to see my long-distance boyfriend and the first thing we did was have a little fun. I hadn’t eaten anything but a Starbucks coffee all day, and after swallowing a couple of his loads, we realized that eating cum on an empty stomach was a very bad idea. 

And now for my first sickfic! As a reminder, this is a (partial) work of fiction. All characters mentioned are fully consenting adults. 

CW: Mentions of sex

It had been four months since I had last seen my boyfriend. At the time, we went to schools on completely opposite sides of the country, but we were determined to make it work, even if that meant I had to spend 14 hours bouncing from airport to airport on cheap flights to see him. 

Anxious about accidently missing a flight, I decided to skip breakfast and lunch to make sure I was seated at my gate when it was time to board my next plane. I made the rookie mistake of not packing my own snacks, so the smell of greasy fried food from the fast-food kiosks in the. terminal teased and tortured me. All day, I caught whiffs of cheesy burgers, chicken nuggets and golden brown French fries that made my stomach growl underneath my university hoodie. 

It started out as polite, courtesy growls at first, gently vibrating against my skin, but as time progressed, grew into aggressive crampy growls that other passengers could hear. It was so loud that on my last plane, my middle seat mate overheard my stomach complaining and offered a Tums to “soothe my motion sickness”. I politely declined, embarrassed that I had let my hunger grow so out of control that others thought I was sick. For the rest of the two-hour flight, I kept my arms wrapped around my midsection to, hopefully, dull the growls.

I couldn’t have been more happy to land but my journey still had a one hour bus ride that stood between me and dinner…I mean, my boyfriend. I had gotten a bit lightheaded from the lack of food and fell asleep on the bus so I woke up to pulling in front of his University’s hotel, where he and several other students were waiting for us passengers. After giving me an embarrassingly passionate kiss, he lifted my bag onto his shoulder and took my hand into his free one, leading me into the little hotel.

We could barely wait to get checked in and up the elevator before we were desperately wrapped around each other, clumsily fumbling into our rented paradise for the weekend. But my stomach would not be ignored. 

All the way up the elevator. My belly protested its forced fast. “You wanna eat first?” my boyfriend asked while playfully nibbling on my ear. But before I could respond, another deep growl emanated from the depths of my stomach. “No,” I moaned as I gave into the sensation, “I can wait.” Another GGGGRRRR-uuuuuurl erupted with a cramp that wrapped around my middle, bouncing off the metal walls of the elevator. “Are you sure?” he said wrapping his arms around me and sliding his hands underneath my hoodie to meet the soft skin on my belly. He traced small circles around my navel. I shuttered under his touch, “I’m sure, I just need you right now.” He gave a satisfying hum, then pulled me out of the elevator to find our room.

There we spent another around making up for lost time. We found ourselves tangled in the hotel sheets, with my stomach still making its displeasure known but now, something felt a little different. Our first session had ended rather quickly with him finishing in my mouth, so I egerly swallowed and let him get ready for the second my going down on me. After I had finished and thoroughly soaked the towel we had handy, he was ready for the second round but somewhere toward the end of me riding his face, the sounds my stomach was making changed.

What was desperate growls before had transitioned to rolling grumbles. Maybe my stomach would finally give me some peace, I thought, but I did not know that was just the beginning. Everytime my my body moved, my stomach let out these odd cries, first airy, as if I was filled with gas, then they started to sound wet and squelchy. When I asked to get on top from being on my back, it felt like my stomach flipped with the position change. I loud, Gwoooooorlp sound came from my belly making both us stop cold. “Uh oh,” my boyfriend said panting, “That didn’t sound too good. Are you certain you don’t want to stop and get a snack or something? It doesn’t have to be a meal yet.” I shook my head and lowered myself down onto his cock. I wanted to make him again, I wanted to cum again and then we could eat.

Though my belly was virtually empty, things felt like they were starting to move inside. As I bounced on top of him, whatever stomach acid and cum were mixing together and my stomach was not happy about it, in fact, it was starting to feel really upset. After a few minutes of up and down, my stomach twisted and all of a sudden, my eyes got wide and I put a fist to my mouth. But I was too late, I burped a deep, guttural burp almost directly into his face. “Oh my god, I am so sorry,” I apologized profusely while my stomach still churned. He laughed and said my it smelt like his cum, to which we both laughed. “My tummy feels a little funny now. I think I will need that snack,” I admitted shyly. He tried to hide the I-told-you-so look on his face, sat up and kissed me, “Wanna go get one now? We can finish later?” “Mmm, are you close? I was just before I burped in your face,” I said to him. He nodded vigorously, “I was trying not to cum so you could finish. If you want me to, I can, then we can go feed that hungry tummy of yours.”

About five minutes later, I came on top then instructed him to stand by the edge of the bed so he could finish on my tongue again, just like he likes. This meant that I had to lay at the edge of the bed on my stomach facing him. With my stomach pressed into the mattress I could really feel all the activity going on in there. Convinced it was hunger, I chose to ignore it and focus on pleasing him but just like before, I felt an unsettling grumble flip my belly and I could feel the air traveling up my esophagus. I tried to pull off his dick, but I wasn’t fast enough. “I’m gonna cum,” he said just as my throat opened and a massive, gurgling wet burp came up onto his cock. He moaned and shot his load into my throat. I swallowed instinctively as I tried to recover from the shock. “Fuck,” he said after the initial orgasm subsided, “That felt amazing.” 

I felt the second load go down warm and thick, getting caught at the top of my stomach before splashing in the gas, acid and other load already down there. Then, all hell broke loose. My belly began making these terrible, sickly thick gurgles as it tried to process something that was not food. I started to feel a little shaky so I sat up on the edge of the bed and put my hand to my stomach. “Uh, hey babe. Are you okay? You don’t look so good…” my boyfriend asked still sounding dazed from his orgasm. My stomach gurgled loudly and cramped, making me wince and lurch forward. “Oh that didn’t sound good either baby. Does you tummy hurt?” he asked, now fully concerned. He sat on the bed and put his hand over my hand that was rubbing my churning belly. I stifled another little burp between closed lips. “I think so. I don’t know what happened, I was fine and then…ow ow ow,” I cried as another cramp ripped though my belly. 

My boyfriend’s face turned completely white and he looked like he was starting to panic. “Was it something you ate? What did you have today?” He got up and grabbed a water bottle, unscrewing the top and handing it to me. “I had a caramel macchiato,” I burped into my fist helplessly. My stomach felt so sick. My head started to spin and the burps were coming more frequently. “And what else?” I shrugged. “You only had coffee? How long ago?” he asked. 

My stomach gurgled again and I moaned as I sucked down gulps of water. “Like 6:30 this morning,” I replied. I felt some of the water travel back up as I burped again. “That was 14 hours ago! You needed to eat! Why didn’t you eat?” he asked rubbing my tummy for me as I leaned back onto the bed. “I didn’t want to miss my flights to come see you,” I moaned as he worked my belly in clockwise circles. “Come on,” he said with a little chuckle, “You need to take care of yourself. I love seeing you, but I don’t want to make yourself sick over trying to come see me. Besides, I think I read somewhere that cum on an empty stomach can cause belly aches.” 

When he said that, my belly rebelled and burst into liquidly churns right under his hand. I burped another dangerously wet belch into my hand. “And you took two big loads like a champ. I’m sure that’s what’s causing all this chaos in your belly.” I laughed in between moans. Even through something like this, he could make me smile. “Still,” I said, “I like feeling your cum gurgling and churning deep inside me. Even if I feel like I am about to puke because of it.” At that, he leaned forward and kissed my forehead, “Even if you do, I will be right there with you. Now come on, let’s get some dinner before you really turn green.” I gave one last wet gurgling burp before agreeing to finally eat something other than his cum for dinner.

[kimmiessimmies]

About aches and pains

I haven't been able to make as much progress with Rachel and her dating adventure as I had hoped and the main reason is this.

Lately, I've been getting major neck- and headaches, other than my usual migraines. And suddenly I figured it's probably due to all the time I spend at the table behind my laptop, hunched over. So, I took a brief break and got myself some gadgets to create a new set up to hopefully be able to get going again.

Never mind that I've managed to get myself in other physical pain* which may prevent me from doing much today, but we'll see. The plan is to shoot an already-written scene in which Rachel and Sadie read the messages and explore the profiles of all the guys. It will be a while before I'll share it, which will be after all the dates have been in one big story update, but at least I'll try and work on it. If this old body lets me, haha.

*My daughter's new bed arrived yesterday. Flat pack. I've spent all day, literally 12 hours on end, disassembling old furniture, assembling this bed, drilling holes, hanging shelves, cleaning up, and sorting out. And then I went to bed at 9.30 pm and cried all night because of the worst muscle aches I've ever had. My complete lack of fitness has once again been proven.

[i-like-anything-water]

here, have sum crack:

The next time she'll see Rose and Juleka, she'll gift then a basket of treats. Some of said treats will also have some beef cubes rather than bean paste as a form of payback. Because, good God, she shouldn't have listened to them the moment they said:

"It's a story about a reincarnated girl and her bully but it's really nice!"

Marinette blinked at the duo, who were holding up a set of novels. They've decided to have a spontaneous anime marathon after school and because of different reasons, Alya, Mylene and Ivan couldn't join them.

She read the title of the novels, 'I favor the Villainess' in pink lettering.

The two girlfriends insisted on watching the anime which was apparently complete and there hadn't been an akuma attack yet so she let herself get dragged into it. The story was interesting, very very interesting.

And Claire seemed very very familiar.

Perhaps she should have stopped Juleka and Rose when it was already past 10 pm and it was a school night. Maybe she could have gotten some bit of sleep before an akuma decided to annoy everyone in Paris by rampaging across the city at bloody 2 AM. Ladybug was irritated, moreso when Chat almost slammed into a building out of sleepiness. Thankfully, the Akuma wasn't much of a nuisance.

The lack of sleep, however, made up for it.

Maybe she should ask Master Fu if there's any way to recruit more Miraculous holders incase of Akumas in ungodly hours. They were still students after all, plus she doubts Hawkmoth doesn't work as well. Maybe she could ask Hawkmoth instead to create a schedule for all the Akumas. Negotiate and stuff.

Anyways, going to school sleep deprived, irritated and having an anime marathon the night before was brewing for disaster. Maybe her Ladybug luck can spare her for today.

"Well if it isn't my favorite person, Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

Nope. Tough luck.

Marinette groaned, her irritation rising as Chloé's haughty voice reached her ears. Truthfully, the blonde wasn't that annoying anymore ever since she decided to get the help she needed. She's actually been doing pretty well, if her small progress at being a better version of herself was to go by.

However, Marinette was sleep deprived, hangry, and also very much a bisexual disaster.

Chloé Bourgeois, former bully turned hesitant all- wait, bully? Bully, bully, bull- oh. Aha, bingo. Didn't Rae almost made Claire back off because she kept flirting with her?

"What's with that creepy smile on your face, Dupain-Cheng?!"

Marinette smiled, her remaining braincells evaporating as she looked up at the startled blonde, "You're so pretty."

"W-what?!"

Marinette shrugged, completely unaware of everything happening around her, "I mean, if you're going to call me by my full name you can have it. Chloé Dupain-Cheng, it suits you."

Everything was dead silent. Dead ass? A voice eerily similar to Rae Taylor in her head, asked.

Dead ass, Marinette replied.

She doesn't remember much after what happened but she does remember Chloé going red in the face, sputtering something that was too fast that could give Hawkmoth's receding hairline a run for its money and Alya asking her after Chloé practically ran from the conversation if she's finally lost it.

Okay, Alya, rude.

After some explanation from Alya, a two hour breakdown and panic attack, and a three hour talk with Tikki, she was already down in their bakery on a school night to prepare Chloé's favorite treats.

Was she purposely making herself sleep deprived again to actually give the treats? Maybe. Would they talk about it? Hopefully.

Is she excited? Well.

Raise Y/our hands was playing in the background and Rae Taylor seemed to be lifting her spirits. And maybe her chances of being a masochist as well.

[mykingdomforapen]

courage of stars, ch1 | writer’s commentary

Hello and welcome to the writer's commentary for courage of stars, chapter 1! I'm so excited to talk about this fic and share some background information with you, and I hope you will enjoy this journey as well!

Just a bit of housekeeping, the chapter-by-chapter commentary will go less into the symbolism/motif/narrative commentary (saving that for the end of the fic!). It's more here to get into some of the history and/or cultural tidbits, since both lend itself in both the form of Easter eggs to being pretty integral to the plot. I love getting to write Link Click fic because I get to tap into parts of me that I don't always get to do in other fandoms, so I am really excited to get into this!

As a note: I am neither a historian nor native-born Chinese. I have had the privilege of being raised in the culture and the anecdotes of modern Chinese history, but I feel it necessary to comment that this is not going to boast as 100% historically or culturally accurate, and so I encourage you that if something about the story piques your curiosity about real life events or culture or history, go ahead and read up on it! That being said, my depictions of history are based a lot of anecdotes or personal history, and I typically am not exaggerating.

Housekeeping done! Let's get into it!

***

“Sweet husband,” Cheng Xiaoshi said coyly. His tongue tentatively wrapped around the Cantonese pinyin, delicately trying the five extra tones for size.

In this universe, I've made both Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang at least half Cantonese (because I write fic for ME). Cantonese is a different dialect than what they typically speak in the show, which is Mandarin. Only Ouyang Bubei is seen speaking Cantonese in Link Click. Cantonese is not mutually intelligible with Mandarin--that is, a native Mandarin speaker is not going to understand someone speaking Cantonese unless they already know and are familiar with the language. The fact that Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang made no mention of having difficulty understanding Ouyang Bubei when he spoke exclusively in Cantonese made me jump onto the headcanon that they both grew up with the language.

Cantonese is considered an older language than Mandarin, or at least it is closer to what classic Chinese sounded like than Mandarin, which may have Mongol/Manchurian roots. It also is said to be more difficult to learn for a non-native speaker. Mandarin has 4 tones, while Cantonese has 9. So for Cheng Xiaoshi, who hasn't been speaking it for a while, he has to mess around with 5 extra tones while trying to impersonate this native speaker. Good luck to him!

***

"We may have another Chinese Nobel Prize winner for physics, right here in this apartment!” said another. “Your name will go down in history like Yang Chenning–you will make China move forward, maybe even surpass our neighbors. Who knows! Perhaps we can go to space too, like the Russians and Americans.”

During the CR, education more or less came to a standstill. Depending on when and where you were born within China, your high school education would have been very much delayed, and there were certain subjects where you would have severely been lacking. After the CR was put to an end, the country realised that they were very much lagging behind in STEM compared to their competitor countries, particularly in physics, chemistry, and mathematics. So there was a period right after the CR where those subjects were emphasized and highly encouraged--the shu li hua (数理化) priority that Lu Guang mentions later. It means Mathematics, Physics, and Chemistry, which China at that time considered the most important subjects for their academics to learn in order to propel China forward into progress and advancement, to catch up (and hopefully surpass) their neighboring countries.

Yang Chenning and Tsung-Dao Lee are two physicists of Chinese descent who had won Nobel Prizes for their contributions to physics in 1957. They eventually became lauded as role models for Chinese students of physics, when the sciences were more emphasized in studies. Yang had even come to China to help build science programs in the country after it had been more or less torn down during the CR.

***

Sun Yihan stood respectfully as Professor Lu passed him. Professor Lu gave him a small bow of the head, his eyes soft with sadness like a bruised fruit.

“Sun zi,” he said. “So the rumors are true. You really have returned to Peidi."

Sun Yihan smiled primly.

“I hope that isn’t too disappointing,” he said.

“Disappointing isn’t the word I would use,” said Professor Lu. “I am glad, but selfishly so.”

To study shu li hua was considered the best way to propel China forward, but there are some caveats to it. Studying physics alone, or studying mathematics alone, is a lot about calculations and theories. In order to use them for practicality, you need to apply things like engineering to it, which wasn't always offered (but one could pick it up along the way). Studying shu li hua was considered a way to more easily leave China and study elsewhere, for those who were ambitious and hoped for better opportunities.

Also, you will notice throughout the story that Sun Yihan (孙遗憾) will be called all sorts of names in this fic (Also, his 'Yihan' is differently written from the name of that one actor from the Link Click musical, or at least I assume so else I will feel bad for him lol). Professor Lu is calling him Sun zi, or 孙仔. The zi (仔) is like a little moniker that you call someone young, or like your kid/nephew/etc. Or even like your little pet. There's an affection to it, generally, and an indication that they are younger or smaller than you.

***

“He has much to be proud of,” Cheng Xiaoshi murmured. “He’s working with some of the first computers in the city.”

“And he used to dig clay to make bricks like the rest of us,” Sun Yihan said. “It seems that all those months spent in the countryside taught him quite little.”

So while one didn't have conventional school during the CR, there was still some kind of 'school' for the young people. That usually entailed sending them to the countryside to work one or several months with the farmers, the laborers, etc. For some people, that meant making clay bricks. You would live out in the countryside with these rural families to learn and appreciate their work, since the rural laborers were most uplifted during this time.

***

He heard shouts and chants thundering in his eardrums. A door being thrown open and heavy boots tracking monsoon mud across a floor, bookshelves thrown aside and papers strewn across a desk. Armbands tied around people’s sleeve, red with silk and blood. Streets full of bodies, some moving, some not. A hysterical scream, bubbling up his throat–

–a lonely photo studio, the neighbors’ judging whispers, children’s jeerings and pointed fingers, pain in the side of his head–

–two young girls clinging to her older sister, begging her not to risk the swim to the freedom of Hong Kong to escape oppression, before watching helplessly as she plunged into the sea–

–a little boy, sleeping soundly in his bed, and pain tearing through every inch of a woman’s body as she finally stood up to go–

I'll leave the first section alone, for now.

The third section is a reference to the freedom swimmers. When the Party took over China, those who wanted to escape to Hong Kong for freedom or to escape persecution would have had an extremely difficult time going to Hong Kong. For many of them, they would attempt to swim across the sea to reach Hong Kong, which was at the time a British colony and therefore not affected by the new regime. Many of those swimmers did not make it--drowned, or in some cases attacked by sharks--but there were some who miraculously swam and swam and made it to Hong Kong to a new life. I want to say this wave happened in the 60s or 70s.

Those are the notes for chapter 1! If you have any other questions or curiosities, feel free to ping me. Otherwise, thank you for reading and can't wait to see you for chapter 2!

[fanfic-scribbles]

Dinner Date Chapter 37

Masterlist

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Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers has a girlfriend. A prickly, generally asocial girlfriend, but they make it work. They have more in common than some people might think.

Quick Facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 37: Stupidity

Chapter Summary: Sitting still is a unique challenge for Steve. Unfortunately, his patience gets tested in the dumbest of ways.

Chapter Word Count: 4998

A/N: Happy new year~

~

Any sense of peace whittled away over the next couple of weeks. Steve and Fury made nice in an agreement that I couldn’t know the details of, but it wasn’t hard to see Steve breathed easier at whatever it was. That was good.

What wasn’t good was that Steve was left to spin his wheels. Natasha was busy (“She’s looking for…something. Something important. Very important. …More like–” “Yes Steve, I got it, thanks; now let’s work on your ability to code things before you go look for “something” with her so she doesn’t murder you for being an embarrassment to spies everywhere.”) and Steve was driving himself crazy by having nothing really to do. He was on call for emergencies only, so that when Natasha did get a line, he could drop everything and…go. That was hard to think about, so I didn’t.

However, because we had to be ready for him to go, we were spending all of our time together, to enjoy what we had while we had it. And I did enjoy it– genuinely, I was always glad to spend time with him, and I wanted to soak up this current time together. I didn’t know how long it was going to take him to find his wayward boyfriend, and how often he would be able to come home, and possibly (truly, hopefully,) how much time he would be spending with Bucky when Bucky remembered how much he loved Steve, or, at the very least, how much he wanted to get reacquainted with Steve. There was a lot of maybe, a good amount of positive thought, and an awful lot of dread at every level of Steve’s impending World Roadtrip. So I loved spending time with him and wanted as much of it as I could get.

But fuck; he was starting to drive me crazy too.

“I’ll be right back,” Steve said abruptly and left almost before I could get out a quick goodbye. I looked at the clock– barely an hour after his previous ‘run’– and sighed.

It wasn’t all his fault– I wasn’t exactly full of good cheer either. As a mostly solitary creature, even dating Steve hadn’t prepared me for this much togetherness. Especially this much togetherness while Steve tried not to pace like a caged tiger while he waited for Natasha to bring back a pumpkin of enrichment.

(I made a mental note to tell him that one later. Maybe not the best code phrasing, but he really did have to get better at obfuscating things he wasn’t supposed to tell people about, and workshopping could be a fun couple’s activity. Maybe.)

So, to put it kindly, I was not exactly a bundle of fun either. And while Steve tried a few times to give me some alone time, all I had to do was take a few minutes to think about him sitting sadly alone at home, or walking moodily and alone down a busy street, before I found some excuse to bring him back to me. Errands were nice– he practically leaped at anything with a defined task. I tried to think of things for us to do, which wasn’t hard, considering it wasn’t like New York City lacked places to go. However, crowds were really, really starting to set him on edge, and a few times we had to turn around and go somewhere quieter after just arriving, which made him feel terribly guilty, so I stopped that. I tried to go on a run with him. That ended so badly that when we got home after, he tried to take my nice exercise shoes right to the garbage chute. I stopped him, and instead we started going on regular walks. It wasn’t so bad– I was starting to get used to it, and Steve would rub my legs if they got sore, which was really nice. Sometimes so for the both of us.

It definitely wasn’t all bad. It wasn’t even mostly bad. It was just…like a tiger in a suburban backyard, like a husky stuck in a studio apartment, Steve needed something to do but nothing was hitting the mark. Only one thing could hit the mark, and he was in the wind having his own issues. It sucked, but it sucked for everybody, which was…something?

I sighed and let my head fall back against the couch. Something stupid. Also stupid– my stomach growled, reminding me that neither of us had eaten lunch yet. Steve’s general sense of ‘meh’ extended to a lot of things, including food, but he had to be starving, and since I hadn’t yet gotten out for the day, I started looking up nearby lunch places that hopefully wouldn’t be too crowded. Maybe when Steve got back, we could go, sit outside, and have a tasty lunch. It sounded nice.

~

“That sounds nice.”

Steve seemed a little bit sweaty and a lot more relaxed, and very genuinely pleased by my lunch idea. It actually made me excited enough to punch the air, and he let out a startled laugh. “Are you okay?” he asked, smiling even.

“Enrichment!” was all I could say as I untangled myself from my blanket so I could get off the couch and get ready.

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Do I want to know?” he asked as I scurried past him.

“Probably not,” I said genially as I slid into my room. Maybe I’d show him videos of the tigers and their pumpkins over lunch. He’d probably enjoy that.

The good mood lasted while leaving the house, and even on the walk over. As we perused the menu in person, though, Steve’s lightness began to wane. There were a few more people here than he might have liked, and it was a little disappointing, but I kept one eye on the few tables outside. Maybe it would be better once we got back out in open air. As Steve hunched in though my stomach sank. Fuck, we didn’t have to stay here; we could take the food to the park or something, still have some time out and–

“Someone’s staring.”

I blinked, and parsed that. ‘Oh’ was my initial response– because Steve no longer looked like he was stressing himself out; he just sounded annoyed. Which meant it wasn’t potentially bad staring, just normal ‘Captain America’ staring. I tried to surreptitiously look around, but honestly, Steve was better at spotting these things. And if he said ‘someone’ rather than being specific, he didn’t know who it was– or if he was just being paranoid. Those last three words being his, and not mine. When you were so often stared at it made sense you’d develop a complex about it, but he had yet to be wrong with me.

“Do you wanna go?” I said. “We can find something less crowded maybe and just take it home.”

He shook his head and brushed his hand against mine. He looked at me and softened. “I want to have lunch, and just���relax with you.”

I bobbed my head, because I felt much the same. The tables outside were all spoken for, and while I tried to keep an eye out in case it looked like someone was going to leave, the park idea wasn’t such a bad one, I thought, especially if Steve was going to get interrupted while he ate. Having picked out my meal I tried looking for those cute tiger videos to distract Steve while we waited. It didn’t work as well as it should have. He gave them some half-hearted attention, but he was obviously more interested in trying to find the eyes on him. Which didn’t bode well for ‘relaxing.’ Normally, Steve, even if he didn’t want to interact with fans, was at least able to pull out the barest sliver of feigned politesse. He did not look at all capable of that now, and none of the tables were going to shift any time soon. While he was ordering, his voice strained just trying to be kind, I made the final call.

“Actually, can we get that to go?” I asked at the end. The lady behind the register chirped a polite confirmation and while she finished putting in the order, I looked at Steve, who tilted his head in confusion. “We’re both a little strung out,” I said quietly, counting on having only him hear me under the din of other customers and registers and kitchen call-outs. “So let’s take it over to the park or something.”

He lightened a little bit and nodded. Once we paid, we moved over to the side and he firmly planted himself with his back to the wall, and scanned the restaurant with a hard eye.

I sighed and put my phone away. I thought about just waiting, but it was going to take a bit for them to get our food out, so I tugged on Steve’s sleeve. He looked at me. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom; I’ll be right back,” I said. He nodded, and I slipped away.

~

The bathroom was down a hallway that sort of muffled the noise and activity, which was actually pretty nice; I hadn’t realized how overstimulated I was getting with everything going on, and I took my time to try and come down myself before I went back to Steve.

I exited the bathroom and jerked to a sudden stop at two people just outside. “Oh, sorry,” I said reflexively and stepped back. I waited, but neither one of them shifted to let me pass, or tried to pass themselves. “Um, excuse me.”

They still didn’t move. They looked young– college-age but maybe only just, and they were both actually fairly tall. It made the hall feel smaller, and any calm I had achieved went right away. What a fucking day.

“Are you Captain America’s handler or something?” the girl on the right asked.

My heart rate went up. They didn’t look dangerous. The guy was a little bigger, but naturally so, and she looked fairly normally proportioned. Neither of them held themselves like they thought they were big and tough, but they both stared at me. “Um, no, I’m just his friend,” I said, trying to err on the side of civil even as my hand gripped my phone just in case. “He can handle himself.”

“Huh,” she said, like she wasn’t expecting that. That was a familiar enough reaction, as was the look-over they gave me. “How’d you meet him?”

I just barely resisted rolling my eyes. “I’m not really up for discussing this with strangers right now,” I said, still trying to not be the growling cat I felt like. “Can you please move? I need to get back.”

They exchanged looks. “We were just wondering,” the guy said. Blurted, more like, which actually reassured me a little, even if I was still pissed at him for not moving. “If you wouldn’t mind waiting for just a few minutes? Our friend Jeremy is such a huge fan of Captain America and if he could talk to him for just a little bit…”

I sighed. This was so not the day (week, month, …year…) for this shit, I almost felt bad for the poor guy. But Steve was not in a good way and I wasn’t going to make him do shit. “If Steve wants to, then fine, I won’t pull him away,” I said, very measured and reasonable, I thought. I waited, but they still didn’t move. “Okay?” I said, with a bit more edge.

“Just give them a few minutes alone?” the girl said, and I suddenly, finally, realized that they meant here. Away from Steve.

I felt myself snap like a rubber band. “Okay, I am done trying to be nice. Seriously, fucking move.”

They both looked taken aback, which just pissed me off more. The guy held up his hands and I, done with everything, tried to pull out my phone with shaking hands. “Hey, chill, there’s no need to–”

Someone loomed behind them so immediately they both jerked to look back. I breathed a sigh of relief– but only a partial one. Steve looked pissed. He sized them both up, looked at me, and pushed right past them, making them scramble to merge with the walls lest they get bulldozed.

“Hey, I was just coming back out,” I breathed. Then, whispered so they couldn’t hear: “I’m okay. They’re just idiots.”

His eyes glanced to the side, and he did relax a fraction. He looked at me again, but he didn’t soften at all. “They just called our number,” he said. I nodded and stepped forward. To my surprise, he slid his arm around me, but he kept his body between me and them and, while I didn’t see the look he shot them, I assumed it was fairly withering by the way they blanched. I tried to feel a little bad– they really did seem to just be looking out for their friend– but I hated so much how they went about it I couldn’t muster even the smallest bit of sympathy. And I was just so tired.

Steve couldn’t keep me right next to him when we were in the ordering area, there were just too many people, but he held my wrist and kept a good grip on it while he slid past people to grab our bags of food. A young man brightened when he saw him and Steve gave the quickest nod before steering us outside, and I barely heard a cheerful goodbye before I saw those two kids coming back from the hallway. And then we were out the door.

I took a deep breath and exhaled just as hard. “Let’s take this home,” I said and, damn all of it, wrapped my arms around one of his. He only nodded, and I held on to tensing and untensing muscles the entire walk back.

Once we were inside, we ate. It was…fine. Not worth all the fuss, for sure, and at the end of it, Steve got up to throw the trash out, and then ended up pacing. Again. I let him move for a little bit, before it became obvious he was just working himself up more, and I stood. “Hey,” I said to get his attention. When he looked, I walked forward with open arms. “Come here.”

He hesitated, and obviously waffled over it, but eventually he came close enough that I could wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. He sank against me, slumping slightly, but he kept his arms down.

“I’m sorry, I can’t…” He half-heartedly raised his hands and then dropped them right back down. “I’m afraid to touch you right now.”

“It’s okay,” I said and rubbed his back with one hand, but really, it seemed like squeezing him as hard as I could was doing more to ease him from his razor-wire tension. I kept hugging him in my best imitation of an anaconda until he managed to rest his hands on my hips, though his touch still landed as light as a nervous bird.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “I’m sorry I didn’t say much. I was so angry and I didn’t want to make a fight if they really were just stupid.” He pushed his face hard into the crook of my neck. “So fucking stupid.”

“I was very impressed,” I said. “I almost made it a fight. I was glad you showed up when you did. They weren’t harmful though, just annoying.”

“I got worried,” Steve said. “When you didn’t come back. Lately, I…I’ve been…”

“Yeah,” I said, because I didn’t know how to say it either– ‘high strung’ wasn’t quite accurate and definitely didn’t cover all of it– but I knew what he meant.

He pulled back and let out a heavy sigh. “I think I should go to the gym at the tower,” he said. “I need to punch something that doesn’t look anything like a bunch of dumb kids.”

I nodded. Maybe something Iron Man shaped. Or maybe something less animate would be better now. “Would you like me to go with you, or would you rather go alone?” I asked. His apologetic smile was all the answer I needed. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry I can’t be more…more helpful, you know?”

“No, I’m sorry I’m like this,” he said.

“Well I’m sorrier and I was sorry first,” I said and stuck out my tongue. He reached as if to snatch it and I moved back.

He tried for a smile but as he looked around he was back to Serious Captain Face. “Will you…stay in?” he asked uncertainly. “I just…would feel better if I knew you were safe right now.”

“I’m fine,” I insisted. Then I admitted, “I don’t really feel like going out right now, though, so yeah.”

He let out a little relieved breath. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he promised. He turned to go for the door, but I caught his arm.

“A kiss before you go?” I asked.

He leaned in. He didn’t seem to know where to put his hands, so I gripped his biceps and brought him in. I was just going to go for a little lip-to-lip thing, but when he came in for a kiss, he came in hungry, and I braced myself against him as he tasted me deeply. His hands stayed flat on my upper arms, avoiding any chance at accidentally gripping, so I kept hold of him until he tapered off and, after a few more gentle pecks, he pulled back with a sigh. I put my hand on his cheek, and he put one of his over it so he could turn his head and kiss my palm. “Now that’s a send-off,” he said, with a small but real smile.

“Gotta keep you coming back for more, right?” I said.

He pushed me back against the wall and bent his arms up next to my head as he pressed his nose to mine. “I’ll always come back,” he murmured, and gave me one more soft, slow kiss.

That felt heavier than I wanted it to; an inevitable ‘goodbye’ sitting in my chest like a rock. So I swallowed, and pretended it was nothing different at all. “Go punch sand. Or whatever those bags are made of.”

He smirked, but he pulled back all the way, grabbed his jacket, slipped on his shoes, and left.

I waited until I was sure he was out of the building before I hit the wall hard enough to hurt my hand.

~

I wasn’t sure how much later it was– could have been a couple hours, could have been ten minutes, for all I was able to keep track of time these days– before I received a phone call. From Natasha.

I answered. “God please tell me no one’s in the hospital.”

There was a pause, then a breathy laugh. “I should probably call you more often,” Natasha said, cool and relaxed as ever.

I fell back against the couch and let out a huge sigh. “I’m sorry,” I said. “Hi Natasha.”

“It’s fine. And hi yourself,” she said. “You and Steve had a rough day.”

I brightened at the thought that maybe he got to confide in Natasha. “You guys talked?”

“Mmmmm, not by definition, no,” she said. I heard a little grunt but before I could ask, she let out her own sigh and said, “He was quite…wound up. I invited him to spar. And I’m probably going to be soaking in a hot bath for the next week.”

I winced. “I’m so sorry.”

“I knew what I might be getting into, though even I didn’t expect him to be quite that bad. Something happened,” Natasha said. “He’s sparring with Thor right now, by the way, so we have time.”

I thought about it. But it was Natasha, and maybe she could help if she knew what was going on. “In Steve’s defense, the other guys were assholes,” I said as a preface.

“Mm hm,” Natasha said patiently. “Spill.”

I rolled my eyes, but I did. I tried to be neutral, but at the end she was…worryingly silent. “Natasha?”

“Wow,” she said. “That was incredibly stupid of them.”

“Don’t I fucking know it,” I huffed. “Even if Steve wasn’t in such a…weird mood, it would have been a bullshit thing to pull. But…”

“Honestly, I’m surprised nothing happened. He has much better control than I thought.”

“Control’s the problem. If he doesn’t figure out where he can lose his shit it’s just going to get worse.” I fell back against the couch and sighed. “I never thought I’d say this but I’m looking forward to you digging up Nazis for him to punch and an ex-assassin for him to chase.”

She was silent. She was silent for several seconds. My stomach twisted, but before I could ask her what was wrong, she asked, “Do you really think that will make him feel any better?”

Her voice was easy and measured, but something about it still felt off. Maybe it was the silence from before, but maybe her attention was just wandering, maybe she was just trying to choose her words, maybe…

No. It wasn’t any of that.

“Natasha,” I said, trying not to let a swell of random-ass emotions consume me. “Did you find him?”

“No,” she said so easily.

I felt a pit open in my stomach. “But you found a lead.”

Silence.

It took me a few swallows and several, several breaths to stay calm. This was it? But then why wasn’t she dragging Steve out for the hunting party? “When did you find it?”

Silence again. Then she sighed. “I’ve been keeping tabs,” she said softly. “But…”

“But what? Steve needs this.”

“You don’t know that. He doesn’t even know who he’s going to find on the other end.”

Neither of us knew shit but that didn’t mean Steve didn’t deserve a chance. “None of us know anything; isn’t that what SHIELD is so pressed about? We still need to find out.”

“Sometimes opening a wound like that just lets in infection that never heals quite clean again,” she said.

I got a little…mad. What did she know about it? Except–

Except she knew quite a bit, didn’t she.

“You don’t want to go,” I said as soon as I realized. It wasn’t just familiar for her; now it was raw and fraught and involved someone she cared about, who was going to learn more about her just by association, maybe more than she wanted, because maybe Bucky needed help just like she had once, and– “Nat, you don’t have to go.”

She let out a little puff of air. “I do.”

“No!” I said, feeling angry on her behalf. “Fuck SHIELD and fuck Steve you don’t have to do this.”

She hung up.

I sat there for a few minutes, just holding the phone and feeling like the worst person in the world. Maybe I was. Fuck but I didn’t know how to do anything right; I couldn’t comfort Steve, couldn’t even fix my own bad attitude so I didn’t hurt my friends. I had to fix this, at least try, but I didn’t know how. Or who to ask how. Steve was a mess. She and Sam were friends long before I got dragged in. Clint was probably going to be mad at me by association. I didn’t know how close she and Pepper were but even thinking asking for advice from someone so well put-together made me want to crawl into a hole. When I extended that thought to Phil, it made me think about pulling a rock over that hole and just dying of embarrassment.

I puttered around for a while, feeling sad and angry and miserable, waiting for a good chance to send an apology text to Natasha to hopefully start mending that bridge, when I received a completely different message.

Clint: Hey Clint: I don’t know what you said to Nat but thanks Clint: I’m now invited on the road trip :D

That…wasn’t what I had expected. Was he for real? Or was he being facetious?

It didn’t matter; I probably deserved the latter anyway.

Me: Is she okay? Me: I was an asshole Me: I didn’t mean to be Clint: She’s fine Clint: And she’s not mad Clint: I can’t say what’s going on but it’s…a lot Clint: I meant the thanks Clint: I’m going along as backup. And in case Nat needs to step out Clint: So no harm done ;)

I breathed and practically melted.

Me: Okay. Good. Me: I’m glad you’re going Me: Steve will need someone to read bad jokes at him and I have a 9 to 5 so Clint: I’m your man!

I smiled, and managed to get up the guts to text Natasha.

Me: I’m sorry I was a dick Me: I can’t explain it any better now but I didn’t mean what I said Me: How I said it

I hesitated. I really didn’t know how to explain shit, even though I wanted to.

Natasha: I understand Natasha: But I can’t explain it either. Natasha: I don’t have to go. But I need to. Natasha: But if I need to step away, Clint will be there. Natasha: I mean, can you imagine if I left Steve and Sam unsupervised?

What I’d heard of them both in adrenaline mode made me literally shudder. However.

Me: Not that I doubt your judgment Me: But Me: CLINT is the responsible adult? Natasha: Says something terrifying, doesn’t it?

I grimaced.

Me: Maybe I take it back Me: Drag your feet. Make grooves Natasha: You should be more careful what you wish for Natasha: But putting this off won’t do anything Natasha: For anyone Natasha: So get your time in with Steve while you can Natasha: Because I’m incredibly efficient when I want to be

There was that rock again.

Me: Okay Me: Happy hunting

~

Steve came back that night looking worn the fuck out. He was also oddly cuddly, and he wrapped himself around me like he hadn’t touched me in days, rather than just had one rough afternoon.

“I’m sorry I took so long,” he said. “Thor really put me through the wringer.”

I stroked his hair. “In a good way?”

“Yeah. I feel a lot better,” he admitted.

“Good,” I said and kissed him. I didn’t mention my conversation with Natasha. He’d be hearing about it soon enough. “I’m glad you came back.”

“You are?” he asked, actual surprise lifting his head. I blinked, but he then shook his head and said, “I’m…I know I’m not great company right now.”

“That’s not true,” I said reflexively. I then had to think about it, because I knew Steve would call me on it, but I decided, “Yes. I mean that.”

Steve snorted. “Well that’s convincing.” But he did glance at me like he was seeking a tell.

“I mean it,” I said firmly. “I want to spend time with you. It’s– I do want you to go– not because I want you gone but because I know you need to, but I– I’m going to miss you.”

His mouth twisted in a wry smile. “But it’s a lot of me right now?”

I held open my arms. “It’s not like I’m some super fun party person.” I dropped them. “I just keep thinking of you sitting alone at home in the dark and quiet which yeah I know is ridiculous but–” I stopped as soon as I saw him look shifty. My jaw dropped. “Steve!”

“I don’t sit in the dark!” he said defensively. But he muttered something that was probably ‘mostly,’ and he said, “Sometimes I even turn on the record player.”

“But you are moping alone at home,” I said. He opened his mouth but I sliced my hand in the air and he shut up. “Steve, I get that I’m kind of a bitch right now, but I still want you here as much as you can stand me.”

“You’re not a bitch.” He took my hands. “But I think I am, lately.”

“It’s okay if you are,” I said, and slid my arms around him. He returned the loose hug. “It’s not a bad thing to be a little bitchy from time to time.”

“I don’t like being that way to you,” he said. He sighed heavily. “Or even to dumb kids who don’t think about what they’re doing.” He paused. His mouth thinned to a straight line briefly. “Especially when I might not even get what I want.”

I swallowed hard. “He might come back.”

Steve lifted his head, then shook it slightly. “I don’t necessarily want that. Not if he doesn’t. I just want…closure.” His eyes turned down and away and he just looked so, so tired. “I thought I had it. Then I didn’t. And I don’t know if talking to Bucky will bring it back.” He shut his eyes tight, and this time when he opened them, he looked annoyed. “But I’m going to try because I’m so Goddamned tired of getting weepy about it.”

I let out a surprised laugh. “Oh boy,” I said as I reached up to hold his face. “You know it’s serious when a Catholic boy drops the G.D.”

“Swears are for emphasis,” he said, leaning into the touch.

“Hmm, I’d say for punctuation, but to each their own,” I said.

“Emphatic punctuation maybe,” Steve said and tightened his hold on me.

“Master negotiator.” I hugged him fully, and tried to memorize the feeling of his body pressed tight to mine. I sighed, and let the weird, bad day seep away. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Mmm,” he vocalized, and kept close enough that I knew he wouldn’t let go any time soon. For now, it was enough.

~

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[remcycl333]

Heyy hru? I have a question, when does the 3d conform? Its not that i am desperate to have it do so (im more focused on changing self rn) but im confused. I know it can take months or days, years or weeks, depending on the person, but i don't understand why. Does the 3d conform when we no longer worry about it completly? When we are not triggered by it anymore? Or is it something else? And if its when we are not triggered by it anymore (which explains why it takes different time for different ppl), how do we know we are making progress in that direction? Sometimes i catch myself unconsciously treating the 3d as the "reality" so i imagine it conforms when it comes natural to treat the 4d as the reality, is that correct?

Also about your personal story, how did it feel the days previous to waking up in your apartment (aka the 3d conforming)? Was it like my theory, when the imagination becomes natural and true to you or was it out of nowhere?

Thank you so much, you are so helpful and honestly the best in this subject!

your desire reflects in your 3d when the state of the wish fulfilled becomes your dwelling state! so when you go back to the state of the wish fulfilled (the state where you have your desire) more times than you go back to the state of lack (the state where you don't have your desire).

you know you're making progress because you're falling out of the state less and less, OR you notice that you're able to catch yourself pretty much every time you're in the state of lack and are able to shift back to the state of the wish fulfilled. also you sometimes do feel more relaxed towards your desire the more you fulfill yourself and the more you occupy the state of the wish fulfilled, but i also know people (including myself) who felt anxious till the very moment they saw their desire reflected in their 3d. so it's really all up to you and the desire.

for instance when i manifested an sp, the day before he reached out to me after months, i was feeling anxious and worrying about the when and how and worrying that i was doing everything wrong. but i just kept shifting back to the state of the wish fulfilled, and my 3d reflected my 4d the next day.

as for waking up in my desired apartment, i felt more natural. i no longer woke up every day and immediately noticed i was still in my old bedroom. but i was still shocked when it did happen!

hopefully this helps answer your questions! <3