#hopefully this makes sense cause it did when i reread it but i could also have just been filling in the blanks in my head

[little-green-lies]

I can't believe you think they're treating Choni badly this season or that they have bad storylines and especially that they painted Toni as a villain in 708 when she was simply finally granted some perspective and they tackled an issue with their own writing that always plagued Choni back in the high school days, to show how much they've matured. Their content this season is nothing short of excellent.

Okay this is the second time I'm typing this because Tumblr glitched and wouldn't post the first one. I probably typed too much but I really wanted to give you a solid answer. I will try to keep this more succint but I have a lot of thoughts on this so hopefully it posts this time.

I apparently also deleted my first paragraph so I've typed this section out three times now. I do not think they are treating Choni bad this season. My issue is and will continue to be the setting for this season. After two seasons of them not being together they've now thrown them into a situation in which they "can't" be together and that irks me. I thought when we got confirmation that they were soulmates, that maybe just maybe they'd let them be fully happy in the final season. And that is the full crux of the issue, it's the LAST season. I discuss Riverdale a lot more on my main page (which I encourage you to check out because I do speak about this a lot more in the tags of a lot of my Riverdale reblogs) but i actually just made a post stating that I think this may be Riverdale's best season. They opened this season with one of the strongest episodes I've seen in television thus far. Especially coming from a CW show. I do think this season is also shaping up to be Choni's second best season. They've had a lot of solid scenes and Vanessa and Madelaine are giving it their ALL. That being said, forgive me for hoping the last season would be spent wrapping up happy endings mixed with the usual Riverdale drama. I did not go into this season expecting SO MUCH new plot. And if it wasn't the last season, I wouldn't complain as much. That's always been my biggest gripe, it's the last season. That's all. If this was season 5 or 6 and I knew we had 7 seasons, then I would have nothing to say. Because yes, it's given us some really good content. I just don't want it for the finale. They could've tackled homophobia back when Kevin came out to his dad or when Cheryl came out to Toni. I don't want to see my favorite character forced back into the closet because they decided to set us in one of the worst eras in American history.

Now for my villain comment. I stand by that. I do think that scene framed Toni in a really bad light and here's why: Everything she said was valid and yes, it's an issue I've been wanting them to tackle for YEARS. What she said is not what made her the villain. It was the way they framed the scene that I knew would be misconstrued by the people that watch this show and always have a bone to pick about whatever she says or does. Up until that scene, we were led to believe that Toni's biggest issue with Choni is that she lost herself. But all they show that as, is she's given up writing for cheer. Okay fine, drop cheer and go back to writing. Cheryl wants to see her gf but she's not gonna stop her from doing what she loves. However, Toni breaking up with her felt out of left field to me because she's allowed to be her own person AND still date Cheryl. So I figured maybe they were setting it up for the fact that she doesn't like commitment and the other greaser got in her head about Cheryl being a rich girl too scared to come out of the closet. Also a valid reason. But that's not the scene they gave us. What they gave us was Cheryl asking if the issue was because she was white and Toni saying yes. Nothing up until that point had given us any indication THAT was the issue. What frustrated me even further was that they don't even give them room to have a discussion about it. Toni says her peace and leaves and all we get is a shot of Cheryl crying. She clearly cares about Cheryl enough to have pursued her for that long and then she drops her without even having a discussion?? And so soon after they got together? If we had gotten a scene where the difference of their skin was brought up before that (and that could've have been anything from an offhanded comment to Cheryl laughing about something someone says in their presence she didn't know was meant to be a dig) and we see that register with Toni, it wouldn't have felt off balance. Especially since her and Betty get along and she's white. Her and KEVIN get along and he's white. Kevin and Clay are dating and there seems to be no problem THERE. So they can be okay but she can't date Cheryl because of it? It just felt like after they gave us such a strong opening ep regarding race, to then have her drop that with no nuance didn't sit right with me. All of the digs against Toni that we had seen had been because she was bi or at least "queer adjacent" as far as Evelyn was concerned. The only time we see anyone being racist, is when she's dealing with the adults, never the teens. And I knew someone was gonna watch that and say "oh of course the black girl has an issue with her white gf blah blah blah". That's why I said they set her up to be the villain. Not that she was one. Purely based on how that scene was framed. It just felt like it was missing context. And who knows, maybe they filmed a scene and then cut it but either way, it felt off to me and having it not get brought up again until the Black Athena ep just left me feeling unmoored.

[azsazz]

Severance

Daddy!Azriel x Mommy!Reader

Summary: Anon Req: Idk if you’re taking requests and it’s okay if you aren’t but I was rereading Feysand bonus chapter and it mentions that Feyre’s libido was heightened due to pregnancy and really wanted a fic where we see that with Az and reader bc I LOVE LOVE your daddy!Az fics and it would be funny seeing Az being a dad but also finding time to pleasure his pregnant mate due to hormones that man’s schedule would be jammed pack hahaha

Warnings: Smut, reader is pregnant, light breeding kink.

Word Count: 2061

Notes: This req is literally from a year ago today 😳 now that's some sort of fate (or mad laziness lol) Also, it's been a hot minute since I've written some smut hopefully it's good.

Bat Babies ages in this fic: Wren, Nyx, Gid 8, Baz 6, Zuzu 3, Jax 2, Knox and Malos in the womb.

_________________________________________

“Wren,” you sigh exasperatedly at your eight year old, “Please go play with your siblings. Mommy just needs a few minutes to herself.” 

It’s hard to keep your tone cool and level while your core is burning, dripping for the mate who’s stepped into the shadows whilst you bargain with your son. The both of you had snuck off for a few quick kisses that turned into something more, and it’s the first time you’ve had any time to yourselves in weeks. You don’t know if it’s being pregnant with two babies this time around making every single one of your senses heightened, but you don’t recall being this horny for your mate during your first four pregnancies.

Oh, you were insatiable, sweetheart, your mate purrs in your mind. You can feel the smugness radiating off of him not only from the bond tethering you, but from where he stands, five feet away and shrouded in darkness. And I loved every moment of it. You did too, of course.

You shut your eyes for a long second so your oldest son doesn’t catch you rolling them. I would love for you to remind me of just how much I loved it, mate, you send back, letting your frustrated desperation cling to your words, if we can ever seem to find the time.

Last week, Zuzu refused to go to Feyre’s painting class even though all of the other cousins were going in for a private session the High Lady had set up specifically so that you and your mate could spend the night alone together. She spent the entire time latched to Azriel’s leg and crying her little eyes out until the both of you gave in and let your daughter stay home. Your only saving grace that night was getting to lounge on the couch with a good book—that really only made you hornier for your mate—whilst Azriel and Zuzu baked cookies in the kitchen and hand delivered them to you with a large glass of milk.

A few days ago, it was Baz who had trouble sleeping and came pounding at your door while your mate was three fingers deep into your sopping cunt. The both of you had hastily gotten dressed, grumbling the entire time you did so, and let your second oldest son into the room. Azriel swiftly avoided Baz’s questioning about why your door had been locked in the first place, and the both of you watched him crawl up onto your bed and settle in the center of the tangled sheets, looking at the both of you expectantly. Baz talked your ears off all night long. 

And it was only last night when Jax who couldn’t be consoled when he couldn’t find his stuffed Suriel for bedtime. Azriel spent an hour scouring your house for the toy while you held Jax close, trying to keep your own emotions calm and serene instead of the frustration you wanted to give into, lest your son pick up on them and dampen his mood further. Even with his keen spymaster abilities and the shadows he’d released to help the cause, Azriel came up empty.

With four young children and twins on the way, it seemed as though they always knew the perfect time to interrupt you and your mate every time you tried to get close to each other. 

Wren frowns, his head falling back on his shoulders as he stares up at you with those hazel eyes that are a gift from his father. They’re pleading, and he really wants to have that sleepover with Gideon and Nyx, but you’ve never been a sucker for those pleading looks. If Wren thinks that huffing and puffing and making sad faces is going to change your mind, he came to the wrong parent.

Especially since he’s interrupted your fun as well.

You tap your foot, waiting your son out. He stares, and you stare back. You even cross your arms over your chest, resting them over the swollenness of your stomach, nearly two-thirds of the way through your pregnancy.

Your body goes taut at the feeling that Azriel lets zip down the bond. It’s one of complete arousal, his obsession with you when you make that stern face. 

It takes all of your willpower not to shift on your feet with the rush of wetness that accompanies the feeling of heat rushing through your veins. Not to clench your thighs together or glance over to where your mate stands, probably staring at you with his hazel eyes, filled with need.

Not that you’d be able to see him in the darkness anyway.

Wren’s pleading draws your attention away from your desires and back to the matter at hand.

“Please, mom!”

Clearing your throat so that it doesn’t falter when you speak, you answer. “You may have a sleepover with Nyx and Gideon tomorrow night if you're a good boy tonight. And that means playing with your siblings for a few minutes until I come to take Jax and Zuz for their baths.”

You’re pretty sure you lost your eldest son when you agreed to the sleepover, and you nearly stumble when he throws himself at you, hugging you tight. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Wren screeches with excitement, and your heart grows when he places a fleeting kiss to your stomach and bolts from the room. You can hear him tearing down the halls to where Baz is loudly making the toys in the living room speak. 

“Sweetheart, are you crying?” Azriel’s voice startles you. No longer is he hiding in the shadows, but at your side, swiping a calloused thumb across your cheek, swiping away the wetness.

“He’s just so sweet,” you gush, leaning into your mate’s arms. You press your ear to his chest, listening to the steady and strong thumping of his heart. You love this man and everything that you’ve built together. Through all of the missions and worrying, to building a home and family together, you truly are grateful for the life that you live.

“You know what else is sweet?” Azriel says, his suggestive whisper caressing the shell of your ear. It causes you to shiver, fingers curling into his shirt as he pulls you closer, lifting you easily into his arms.

“What?” you answer breathlessly, already losing yourself to your mate’s touch again. Namely, his thick cock brushing against your cunt with each step closer to the desk in the office he takes.

You don’t even have to worry about the kids right now. You can fall into the bliss you’ve been so desperately trying to find for the past week, because you noted how Azriel’s shadows trailed your son from the room, at least one always with every child at all times of the day.

“You.” His lips slant over yours, his tongue parting your lips with ease. You meet him halfway, licking, tasting your way as his hands hike up the skirts of your dress and pull your panties to the side as soon as your ass hits the edge of the wooden desk. “Tell me what you need, mate.”

There isn’t time for foreplay, for teasing nips of teeth against your hardened nipples. They’re rubbing against the fabric of your dress just fine. No time for orgasms by his hands, his tongue. You’d hardly be able to enjoy the view of Azriel on his knees for you with the size of your bump.

“Your cock,” you whimper, trying desperately to keep your voice low.

You shudder against the fingers he drags across your cunt, swiping through your slick. You’re ready, more than. You need him right this instant.

Azriel swallows the plea you’re about to release, enjoying the way you tug on his hair as a way to reprimand him. It has him grinning into the kiss, his fingers quickly fumbling with his belt because he’s just as desperate as you are, having not nearly been near you—or in you—enough in the past few weeks. 

Your pesky children are always interrupting.

“Your wish is my command,” he answers easily, and your back arches as he rubs the head of his cock across your sopping heat.

Azriel almost snarls with pleasure at the sight of your bump pressing sky-high. He leans in closer, loving the feeling of the three of you close. You’re so fucking beautiful, and there’s something special about how you look swollen with his child, something the both of you made.

He’s seen it four times over by now, and it never gets fucking old. He’ll keep you good and pregnant until you tell him you don’t want any more children.

And he loves the way you writhe against him, hook your legs around his waist, trying to force him closer, your cunt greedily trying to suck his cock deep into your womb. Loves the way your nails pinch into his shoulders, the way your teeth latch onto his lip to keep quiet when he pushes into you in one fell swoop. 

There’s a burst of blood on his tongue but Azriel loves it, quickly pulling out and pressing back in so that you’ll bite him again. When you come down from your high, you’ll apologize profusely, but he doesn’t care, likes a bit of pain with his pleasure. 

He’ll revel in the redness of your cheeks when your children ask him what happened to him later, though.

“Azriel,” you cry, clutching onto your mate for dear life. You love the feeling of his thick cock stretching you, the gushing between your legs when he so easily finds that spot that has you cumming within seconds like some whore. He knows that you need this release, that the both of you need to be quick and quiet with your fucking. Your children can only be occupied for so long.

“I’ll make sure Cassian or Rhys can take the children tomorrow,” Azriel promises against your mouth, smothering the sounds you make for him. He’s just as desperate to hear you scream, the reminder of it has heat pooling in his core, his pace quickening. “Then, you can scream as loud as you want, mate, all night long.”

A second orgasm washes over you like a wave. Azriel didn’t even have to stick his hands between the both of you, but he is now, wanting one more before he releases himself. It’s brewing quickly, and he circles his fingers over your clit, skilled and an expert at everything that has to do with you.

“Yes, yes, yes!” You beg, hips rolling to meet his. Azriel groans into your neck, sucking harshly and laving his tongue over the hurt.

“I’m going to cum,” he pants harshly, straightening to his full height to look down at you in all of your sexed-out glory. The way you can barely keep yourself braced against the desk, the way your mouth is parted in that perfect shape that almost makes him want to pull out and stick his cock down your throat instead. The way that your eyes are rolled so far into the back of your head that you can see the bond connecting the both of you, completely overcome with desire.

You keen your agreement, words jumbled as he takes you to your peak again, the both of you shuddering with pleasure as your orgasms overcome you. 

He rubs you through your pleasure, rocking his hips slowly as he empties himself deeply inside of you. If you weren’t  already pregnant, Azriel’s sure you would be now, with how much cum he’s pumping inside of you.

Your mate hugs you close, rubbing your back until you come down from your high. 

You lean back, blinking up at him blearily, and it makes Azriel want to take you all over again.

“Is that a promise, mate?” You ask, referring to him making sure that all of your children will be away at their aunts and uncles tomorrow night, leaving the both of you to yourselves. Well, plus the two in your uterus.

Azriel hums, finally pulling out of you. You gasp at the loss but his fingers are there, stuffing the leaking cum back into your cunt. You’re not sure your legs can support you right now, but they don’t need to, because you’re already rearing for another round. 

“It’s a promise, sweetheart.”

[flamingpudding]

Fictober23 Prompt: 25 - "Do I look like I knew that?"

Fandom: DPxDC

Rating: T

Warnings: -

A/N: Edit - adjusted the last bit a little after rereading this during my break, so that it makes grammatically more sense...

There was no warning. The moment the Waynes had stepped into the main hall of this Gala they had not been prepared for what had been about to happen. The only sign they had gotten was Damian tensing for a split second before the youngest of them booked it across the hall.

Tim and Bruce instantly attempted damage control, distracting all the high society people that had noticed it, while Dick and Jason followed their youngest. Cass had already escaped the gala to the roof before they had set their first foot into the main hall.

But again, nothing could have prepared them for what was happening.

Damian not only had seen something that caused him to sprint across the room no, their Demon Brat had gone a step further and just tackled the kid of someone else over and was now wrestling with the other boy! Holding one of the daggers they must have missed to the other boy's neck.

Surprisingly, the other kid held himself pretty well against Damian. Jason and Dick spent a good five minutes just staring when they had found their youngest, only starting to move again when Vlad Master demanded answers from his child. The apparent guardian of the kid that was currently attempting to get a choke hold on Damian before getting flipped over the shoulder, the boy flipped mid air, landing on his feet.

Before Damian could lung at the other boy again Dick grabbed him, his arm wounding around Damians chest as he held onto his youngest brother that sent quite an impressive death glare towards the other kid that just returned the glare, not with the same intensity but clearly peeved had having gotten attacked out of nowhere.

"Daniel! Explain this instant! You promised me, one gala without a ruckus!" Master was clearly not amused, hopefully Bruce had some sort of peace offering ready. Not that the man needed it, Dick thought, remembering some of the reports he had seen the man on.

The boy, Daniel, turned his glare towards his guardian. "It's not my fault this time! HE attacked me first!" Jason snorted, clearly having heard out of that statement alone that Masters apparently also had a feral kid that attacked someone at a gala before.

"This is no excuse. I know you are still grieving but you can not attack my business partner's children. Wasn't it enough that you broke Andrews Mayors nose last week?"

"He deserved it, he hit a girl in a perverted way."

"Justin Gracer?"

"Made fun of my late parents' profession."

"Daniel."

"Fruitloop."

Dick watched how Masters pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly not happy with his charge. By now Damian seemed to have calmed down too from whatever idea he had gotten into his head. He was still glaring at the other kid but at least it appeared he wasn't going to attack anymore when he hissed at Dick to let go of him. He still kept a hand on his shoulder just in case.

"I am so sorry Mr. Master. It wasn't Daniel that started it. Damian, come on apologies." Dick cut in, causing the other two to pay attention and fully face them. That's when he noticed it. Daniel looked a whole lot like Damian. The older siblings shared a glance before Jason left to get the others, Tim and Bruce were still stuck doing damage control but it should only be a matter of time. What was the best way to bring it up to ask subtitle questions without appearing suspicious?

Dick was just about a question before Daniel apparently beat him to it. "Fruitloop, you did not attempt to clone me did you?"

"Little Badger, why would I do that? I already have guardianship over you."

Dick felt like he was missing something here but he also felt Daniam's shoulder tense below his hand. So that was why he had attacked. Damian thought another clone appeared. He really hoped what Masters and his Charge seid were just some ill timed joke. Otherwise the implications would be very worrisome.

"Mom and Dad didn't keep some other family relations secret did they?" Daniel then asked and Masters looked at them contemplatively. "Well Jack was estranged from the rest of his family while Maddie only had her sister Alicia and as far as I am aware you and Jasmine were their only children."

"Mr. Masters if you don't mind, would it be alright to do a DNA testing? You said Daniel's father was estranged from his family? It would be good to find out now if there is a relation." Dick ignored the glare Damian was sending him now, but this was his best excuse to get the others DNA to test if the other boy was really a clone or not. If he was then the League of Assassins must have done some serious brainwashing, and memory manipulation. This would also be the first clone of Damian that actually had a consciousness of his own.

"Doesn't explain why he attacked me…" he heard the other boy mutter as Master stared at them with narrowed eyes for a while before giving the boy by his side a contemplating look.

"Daniel has lost his family and friends in an incident recently. It would be good if we found any family he could connect with or help with his grief." The man then finally said after a moment before handing Dick a business card with a number to connect them before leading his boy away, leaving the gala for all they knew.

A week later and after a lot of discussion in their Family. The Waynes and Masters meet for the DNA testing. Though the moment Masters and his charge met Bruce both froze, Bruce in his Brucie act blinked innocently at them and asked if anything was wrong.

"Fruitloop…"

"Don't be ridiculous Daniel. I never would have attempted what you appear to be implying."

The boy pointed in at Bruce as he faced his guardian. "Look at him and tell me they don't look alike! He is like a more fit version of Dad! Like he hadn't eaten a single one of mom fudges in years! You have to have an explanation for that!"

"And how would I do that?"

"I don't know! You're the fruitloop one that had cloning equipment in the basement! Who did you buy it from? Some old fruitloop? The one you bought it from, did they try to - i don't know - clone a celebrity for themselves! The papers you had with it clearly stated that it had been used successfully once. It was a second hand bought with super old technology when I demanded you destroy the stuff!"

"Daniel, do I look like I knew that? I never looked in these papers you speak of! I just bought it as a backup plan, that I never needed a little badger! Besides the only one I would have ever attempted to clone with that time frame would have been your mother! I didn't even know your father before college! "

"Why would you buy something without looking into the papers and instruction manuals you get with it?!"

"There was no need for! Why did you even look into that when you had me destroy it anyway?!"

The Waynes looked back and forth between Masters and his charge. The more these two continued to argue the more a sinking feeling started to form in everyone present. It was Tim though that voiced everyone's thoughts as he leaned over to Bruce whispering only one question. "Are we sure there never has been an attempt of someone trying to clone you? It sounds like there had been one, years ago…"

[detransdamnation]

Maybe i am in a bit of a blind spot now but stumbling upon your blog and a few of your last answers made me question - if gender roles were nonexistent in society so the sex a person has wouldnt dictate how they are treated - how could someone develop an unease about something truly neutral? I know there are sex differences in humans and thats what we talk about when we speak of transsexual people - the desire to change sex based on a terrifyingly strong discomfort with the one one has. But i am at a loss when it comes to understanding where would that discomfort even start/be influenced by (again as long as the sex you are would make everything neutral) because i always assumed that its that dichotomy of how society views females and males is what later translates into the literal base of where it comes from which is one’s sex. Then - Would the dysphoria grow out of purely desiring something that one doesnt have along the lines the grass is greener on the other side? Getting to experience sex the way it feels like as the other sex (especially in case of not heterosexual people)? Or only An aesthetic pursue? If the only thing that differentiated us in society would be the biological abilities of our bodies and the appearance of it…why do you think would someone still come up with an idea of desiring the other?

After reading especially the last answer it made me think that after all there must be some truly transsexual people who are just born being transsexual. Thats why i decided to send it because i think you established somewhere that you believe there are no trans people who are trans ”just because”, just because they have a brain of the opposite sex trapped in the wrong body etc.

I hope this makes some sense, its not an attack on anything you said more of a big wonder and desire to understand better and i really hope it comes off this way.

You make total sense. Your message doesn't come off as an attack at all.

Anon, I'll be real with you. I reread my answer on whether or not I believe gender abolition would also abolish dysphoria. I did rush in writing that response, greatly so, so the way I phrased my thoughts was particularly subpar; however, as I was trying to tie everything together in this response to you, I realized that the viewpoint I argued didn't really make sense when I held it up to my other beliefs. So, this is a humble admittance that I was, frankly, talking out of my ass. I'm going to use this as an opportunity to reassess my beliefs on this topic and will be re-answering that question once I have done so.

In the meantime, one of the best ways to assess your beliefs is to argue something you disagree with or are unsure of, so I'm going to double down and continue the argument as if I'm completely confident that it's the truth, if only to hopefully better explain where I was coming from when I wrote my previous response. So, proposed argument: Gender abolition will not necessarily abolish sex dysphoria.

First of all, what causes dysphoria and how does gender fit into that framework? I talked about this at length here [AL] and here [AL]. I specifically want to zero in on something I said in the former link:

I [...] do not personally believe that there is a “main reason” on as to why dysphoria may develop in a young person in all cases. I suppose my own “main reason” would be that I fell into the trans community because I never thought seriously about transitioning prior to that time—but the thing is, even if I hadn’t, I would still be dealing with everything else that influenced my getting to this point. [...] If I were to take the trans community out of that equation, it would just be the influence of the trans community missing.

Let’s replace the influence of the trans community with the construct of gender and let’s fast forward to this hypothetical dream society where gender is not an existent thing. We can apply what I said above. We’ve taken away gender and its influences—but we still have everything else. There are numerous factors that could cause a person to develop sex dysphoria; in a genderless society, we have only taken away one. In order to shut down any possibility of dysphoria developing, we would need to get rid of every single possible factor and influence and that is just not a possible feat. Homophobia is a significant factor in many cases of dysphoria and will remain so in a genderless society unless efforts have been previously made to abolish it. No amount of social change will ever eradicate abuse, which can be a trigger in dysphoria in that (especially long-term) abuse victims are prone to redirecting emotional pain to certain aspects of themselves, especially in an effort to regain control, even though they may not “make sense.” It is also impossible for us to eradicate, for instance, natural aspects of our biology that are just plain inconvenient or uncomfortable, which may become objects of fixation (especially in puberty) and cause a person to develop sex dysphoria thereafter. These are just a few examples off of the top of the head—but they and more may all continue on as potential factors because these things, in and of themselves, do not have anything to do with what we have abolished. They do not cease to be potential precursors to mental illness, such as dysphoria, just because we have taken one precursor away.

But why dysphoria? Why would someone develop sex dysphoria in a genderless society if sexes were seen as entirely neutral? Well, let’s turn our attention to another mental illness that is perhaps most reflective of dysphoria (so reflective, in fact, that some people believe them to be one and the same): body dysmorphic disorder. Body dysmorphia is “a mental disorder characterized by the obsessive idea that some aspect of one's own body part or appearance is severely flawed and therefore warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it.” One’s “flaws” cause significant distress, even to the point of seeking out cosmetic procedures in an aim to “fix” them. Anything can be a trigger in body dysmorphia, although some of the most common include facial features, hair, skin complexion, and coincidentally, sex characteristics such as breasts, facial hair, or genitals—which are all inherently neutral features. No physical feature is objectively “wrong” or “bad,” “good” or “right,” “pretty” or “ugly.” They just are.

So, then, we could ask the same question: Why would people with this disorder fixate on these features and develop an unease with them if they are truly neutral? We could argue the societal pressure of beauty ideals, and certainly, that is a factor in a lot of cases—but if body dysmorphia were truly an issue of how certain features are seen and treated, exclusively, then by all means and purposes, people who are considered to be conventionally attractive should not also be seen developing the disorder. Marilyn Monroe could be an example of this: considered one of the most beautiful women in the world in her time and years after and yet (was believed to have) struggled with body dysmorphia until the day that she died.

Things don’t have to be “not neutral” in order for someone to not like them. Things can be neutral and still cause one discomfort. Things can be seen and treated as indifferent by the collective and yet still be hated by the individual. Why do non-dysphoric people have insecurities at all? A lot of the time, they don’t have specific reasons. I don’t feel they need to have reasons. Just like I don’t feel dysphoric people need to have an ultimate reason on as to why we would develop sex dysphoria when we could have fixated on any other physical trait.

I think where people tend to get tripped up in these discussions is, they try to apply what they know to be reasonable to mental illnesses and how they present in order to rationalize, to themselves, what we are feeling and experiencing—but in doing so, I feel we easily lose sight of the fact that, even without mental illness, the brain does not need a logical reason to fixate on something, to hate something, to want to get rid of something. Marilyn Monroe having been an icon of beauty did not change the fact that she didn’t like her face—and my not believing in gender does not change the fact that I don’t like my sex and desire to be the opposite. Marilyn continued to feel the way she did because she had body dysmorphic disorder. I continue to feel the way I do because I have dysphoria. Both disorders alter how we perceive reality and cause us to believe things about ourselves that are not objectively true. We desire what we do not have because that is a symptom of the inherently nonsensical disorders that we have. That is all there is to it. That is our “why.”

And I am content just leaving it at that. It is my own personal stance that we cannot chase the logistics behind something that is not logical to begin with. At the end of the day, there is no ultimate reason for mental illness. Mental illness does not need to make sense. Mental illness only needs humanity. It will continue to exist no matter how humanity progresses.

So, under this argument, there are a few different points to be had, main ones being that gender abolition will not necessarily abolish sex dysphoria because gender and sex are not one and the same; to take away gender is to take away only one possible factor in one’s dysphoria; and although outside factors can (and do) influence dysphoria and would continue to do so in a genderless society on account of the previous two points, there’s ultimately no “reason” on as to why dysphoric people would continue to cling on to their sex in this society where the two sexes are seen and treated as the exact same—simply because dysphoria, being a mental illness, does not exist on a plane that is rational.

Considering these viewpoints and assuming that they all coexist in this genderless society, then, it may be easy to conclude, like you did, that some people are just born transgender. I do understand how you may have come to that conclusion after reading my response and even I, looking back, feel like that is what I insinuated, even though I did not mean to and was not coming from that position. To clarify, as I have stated before, I do not believe in the idea of “true trans,” and seeing as this is a belief that I actually hold very true to and have for a long time, I’d like to explain why. This is no longer me proposing an argument that I am merely “considering.” This is me demonstrating what I believe.

There are a few different things to consider in the statement, “People are born transgender,” starting with the implications of what it means to be transgender and specifically the dysphoric aspect of it. To suggest that someone could be born transgender is also to insinuate that someone could be born dysphoric, that someone could be born already set to hate their bodies as they grow older.

Of course, we could be less technical here. You may not be born with mental illness in the literal sense—but you can develop mental illness extremely early on in life. So, under the argument that dysphoria is a mental illness, dysphoria can develop from a very young age, and therefore the child, express (what may be interpreted as) a transgender identity. Okay, fair enough. What I have never received closure on is, if a young child exhibits hatred of any other part of their body for any other reason, it is universally considered abnormal, a red flag, something to treat—but as soon as gender or sex comes into the picture, this self-hatred becomes something to validate.

Let’s say that a young child tells you that they do not like their body. Without any other context, what would your first reaction be? Chances are, you would assume that someone or something in this child’s life has taught or influenced them to think this way, even if only inadvertently, and hopefully, you would rush to tell this child that there is nothing wrong with their body, that they are perfect just the way they are. But let’s say, after probing a little further, this young child tells you that they don’t “feel like” their sex, or that they want to be the opposite (in little kid terms). Would you then change your tune and decide that they were “born that way,” that they hate their body because they were just meant to be the opposite sex instead? If your answer is yes, or your no follows hesitancy, I have to wonder what, specifically, would change your mind. What is it about dysphoria that is so different from any other form of self-hatred? Moreover, what implications do you think there are in a child telling someone they presumably trust that they are uncomfortable in their body—and that trusted adult telling them that they are uncomfortable in their body because they were, indeed, born “wrong?”

This leads to an essential question that we, ironically, so often overlook. We have a dysphoric child in front of us. What would make them transgender? The most likely definition of a trans person that everyone could agree on would be someone who is dysphoric, likely someone who has been dysphoric since early childhood—but even that is not a perfect or even accurate definition because not all people with dysphoria go on to transition, not even people with long-term or “treatment-resistant” dysphoria. If dysphoria does not make a transgender person, what does?

Let’s say we have one-thousand dysphoric people in front of us and one person in the group—say, the young child in this analogy, now an adult—is transgender. The only thing that distinguishes this person from the rest of the group is the very act of transition. If this person had never transitioned, there would be no difference between them and the rest of the group. We would have a solid group of cisgender dysphoric people. The transgender person is distinguished only through action, self-identity and personal experience in attempts to accommodate that self-identity. “Brain sex” has been proven to be a myth, so we know there are no biological differences to point to them having “needed” to transition—and even under the possibility that there do exist biological markers in dysphoria that we have not discovered yet, that does not prove that people can be born transgender. At most, these markers could stand as predispositions, similar to how people can be carriers for certain diseases or have “bad genes” that make them more likely to suffer from certain ailments—but none of these things equate to destiny, and in fact, in the case of dysphoria, would only prove that a supportive environment could prevent it—and transgender identity—from coming into the picture at all.

The suggestion that some people are just “made” to go through with any action, including transition, is an insinuation of fate—and I do not believe in fate. I believe in free will to some extent, although that would open us up to the more philosophical question of whether free will is truly free, seeing as we are reflections of our environment and cannot completely separate ourselves from it. In either case, we have seen and established that we can both influence one to develop dysphoria, as well as prevent one from developing dysphoria, all depending on how we, as a society, treat them—and if the people around us can help to prevent dysphoria from becoming an issue entirely, thereby circumventing the desire to transition at all, it is impossible for transgender identity to be truly innate to any one person.

In summary and in closing, mental illness, including dysphoria, is encouraged by—and sometimes even brought on by—our surrounding environment in almost all cases. Environments naturally change overtime, and in the process, certain factors in mental illness may become less common or even disappear entirely; however, just because one goes away does not mean all others disappear. One of many of our possible futures as a society is one without gender, and unsurprisingly, this would get rid of gender as a trigger in dysphoria—but so long as no other factors have been dismantled in the process, they will continue on as potential influences in its development, even in this genderless society. It then may be easy to conclude that some people are just “born” transgender, especially seeing as how the development of sex dysphoria in a genderless society would be even more random (comparatively to that of a gendered one)—but that conclusion, that “Some people are just born that way,” would not be reached with any other mental illness, and beyond that, does not give us, the society, enough credit or responsibility. The fact that there are trans people who barely even remember not being trans, such as myself, stand not as proof that we are “true transsexuals” but as proof that we live in a society that is hostile to multiple vulnerable populations and it is up to us to change that. Gender abolition will not solve all of these problems and it may not even get rid of sex dysphoria entirely—but it is essential and a great place to start, which is why I continue to stand for it, even despite it not being a perfect fix.

I hope this gave you a little more to think on.

[amyisherenowitsokay]

*stares very aggressively , I’m foaming from the mouth.*

Howdy-hey! I’m here to pester you abt your works! So I reread “From your memory” and I was like wowza and then I wondered…

What was your inspiration? That concept was just entirely new to me and in the good old year of 2011 I was practically ascending bc I was so invested in the story and it was actually the first fic I ever read from you. (and I fell in love teehee) So what made you write that or inspired yo to do so? Did you have an original storyline that was scrapped, and or changed ?

You don’t have to answer any of this if you don’t want to btw :)

I answer all my asks (eventually lmao) fish! Especially yours!

Long answer under the cut because I'm incapable of giving a short answer. Information about my own fics are constantly on the tip of my tongue ready to be spilled out at their first opportunity, and I'm incapable of resisting.

From Your Memory was actually genuinely inspired by the song mention in the A/N of the first chapter, which is Paramore's Ignorance. This is also where the title comes from.

"I'm not the same kid from your memory Well now I can fend for myself"

I listened to the original and acoustic version on loop. Basically what happened in teenage me's brain did was have an animatic in my head about how this song could figuratively apply to a fanfiction, developed the premise, and went from there.

This is gonna be really funny to explain because there's like legitimate scenes developed around individual lyrics in this song.

Ignorance sounds and sounded a lot to me like a dialogue. It sounded, to me, like one person was saying some parts, and one person was replying in a sort of escalating argument, but at least one party was 'ignorant' (huehuehuehue) of all the details about why they were even fighting in the first place. Based on that premise, the song will (hopefully) make more sense. I'm going to write the lyrics 'assigning' lyrics between two people, and tag them (1) or (2), depending on who I am is talking/replying, with 1 being Zim, and 2 being Gaz. I vividly imagined two people interrupting one another while fighting, hence a lot of the weird breaks.

This is gonna be so convoluted and I'm sorry ahead of time lmao.

Lyric Breakdown

(1) If I'm a bad person— (2) You don't like me (1) Well, I guess I'll make my own way (1) It's a circle, a mean cycle (1) I can't excite you anymore

Just on that dialogue, it's basically like. Zim starts off the story blaming himself for not being there when Gaz was injured, and wars between doing the easiest thing for Gaz, which is to shut up and pretend not to know her, or what he wants, which is to tell her the truth and re-involve himself in her life. Gaz is meanwhile obviously oblivious to his turmoil and is like "why are you even talking to me, you hate me." Zim of course originally chooses to aid her from the sidelines, but he's not happy about it. He essentially is "not allowed" to involve himself in her life anymore.

(1) Where's your gavel? Your jury? (2) What's my offense this time? (1) You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me (1) Well, sentence me to another life

Zim's resentment about the situation continues, especially with Dib being irritated about Zim choosing to keep secrets and forcing him to go along with it. Gaz is still like "dude what the fuck is your problem??" while Zim continues to be extra pissy, wishing things were different.

(1) Don't wanna hear your sad songs (1) I don't wanna feel your pain (1) When you swear it's all my fault (1) 'Cause you know we're not the same (no) (2) We're not the same (no) (2) Oh, we're not the same (1) Yeah, the friends who stuck together (1) We wrote our names in blood (1) But I guess you can't accept that the change is good (hey) (2) It's good (hey), it's good

At this point, Zim's dealing with being incapable of helping, desperately wanting to help Gaz, but not actually able to do so. He's just constantly watching her suffer without ever being able to help ease her pain.

Mentally, this was also just more arguing, but with Zim being forced to swallow the fact the meaningful friendship and borderline-relationship he and Gaz had developed is gone, and she's not interested in developing a new one the way he is. Things are different now. They simply aren't friends. He's done nothing for weeks but try to save her life, has had her literal blood on his hands, and now it doesn't even matter. He's got to move on, and he's got to continue to convince Dib that their situation has changed, and his idea is for the better. Lacking context, Gaz meanwhile is like dude take your angst and fuck off. She's also trying to convince herself that whatever is clearly happening behind the scenes, it doesn't matter, and she's better off keeping her head down.

(1) Well, you treat me just like another stranger (1) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (1) I guess I'll go (1) I'd best be on my way out (2) You treat me just like another stranger (2) Well, it's nice to meet you, sir (2) I guess I'll go (2) I'd best be on my way out

(1) Ignorance is your new best friend (x2)

This is also another parallel back and forth, with Zim still coming to terms with Gaz genuinely not knowing their formerly intense, meaningful relationship. It's more resentment about what he lost. It's meant really sarcastically and snidely. Gaz, for her part, means it really literally. She doesn't have any relationship with Zim aside from 'that guy my brother hates,' and blows him off.

And of course, "ignorance is your new best friend" is pretty straightforward in its meaning. Gaz isn't Zim's best friend anymore, and all she has to keep her company is her new amnesia.

For this next part, queue Membrane (3). The really fun part is after this analysis, if you wanna go back and listen to this song nearly entirely from a Gaz vs Membrane perspective, it also can fit! From a Membrane-centric perspective, if you think of Membrane as he sees himself (aka not in the wrong), needing praise from the public, shrugging off criticism since it's "for the greater good," etc with Gaz (and Dib) shoving back at his preconceptions, it's easy to hear the dialogue. But continuing on, this part was mentally Membrane for me:

(3) This is the best thing that could have happened (3) Any longer and I wouldn't have made it (3) It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture (2) I'm just a person, but you can't take it (2) The same tricks that, that once fooled me (2) They won't get you anywhere (2) I'm not the same kid from your memory (2) Well, now I can fend for myself

This was more later in the story and/or right before Gaz lost her memory during her confrontation with Membrane, where Gaz knows what's going on, and Membrane's trying to convince her to cooperate anyways. Membrane is convinced this isn't something that needs to be difficult, while Gaz is warning him that she's dangerous now, has backup, and isn't going just hand over her independence at his whim.

Further Development

From that context, you can see that the story just kind of happened from there. I filled in the gaps. Why was Zim so mad at Gaz, and why wouldn't she know why he was mad at her? Originally, I wasn't sure who the (3)rd person in the lyrics was that Gaz was fighting with, but to me, it sounded like an authority figure. There's not a lot of those in the IZ universe, let alone one that Gaz would legitimately be threatened by, and eventually, it started to sound like an argument with someone gloating, and then someone who didn't even notice their gloating was actually cruel. They'd also have to be someone who Gaz knew since she was little. Someone she was invested in. Someone exactly like Professor Membrane. But then what would Gaz be arguing with dumb, well-meaning Professor Membrane about?

And thus, a metamorphosis occurred:

This is a meme I made awhile ago for my Discord friends when we discussing From Your Memory. It also makes me laugh every time I see it because it's really spot on to the vibes.

I started to consider the angle that Membrane was actually the bad guy, which, when you consider how many times 'evil mad scientist who think they're in the right' was fed to kids as a trope (and still is, tbh), it was an easy jump. And THAT was when the story really started kicking in.

This was around the time I started to hear the 'Dib is a clone' theories. If Dib was a clone, why couldn't Gaz be? If you were a scientist whose entire life was dedicated to advancement for the betterment of mankind, why would that just be relegated to advancement in technology? Why wouldn't someone just a liiiiiiittle off find themselves stumbling right into advancing the evolution of mankind as a species, too?

So then Gaz and Dib became experiments. And if you were going to make a boy and a girl, you could argue it'd just be the typical white picket fence dream of having a son and a daughter. But if you're me, and grew up in a religious environment, the creation of a man and woman as a pair sound less like siblings and more like Adam and Eve. And that's where the whole 'Gaz is an angel with wings' things came from.

The origin of evil!Professor Membrane was mostly that I thought that no one would ever see that twist coming, but reading back through it, I can definitely see small-me taking digs at my own super-scientist parent lmao.

Evil Membrane is also so incredibly fun just in and of itself. Professor Membrane is the guy above all guys in Invader Zim. He's respected, well-loved, commanding, imperial in so many ways.

I simultaneously started formulating this idea that Gaz had amnesia to keep her from being too OP and dunking on everyone. So the story pretty much fell into place after that. Obviously, the amnesia had to be caused by Membrane, to reset his 'experiment.' Dib and Gaz, as his own form of Adam and Eve, were abominations. Abominations tend to be malformed in some way, meaning they were imperfect creations. Dib was first, and therefore more of a prototype. It'd explain why he lacked Gaz's powers, why she tended to be smarter, stronger, etc in the show.

I also deeply loved the idea of Zim being in love with Gaz, while Gaz is completely indifferent in a way that was atypical than usual ZAGR stories (including MHNY). Zim wasn't fantasizing for a relationship that could be, but pining for a relationship that had been. It made their will-they-won't-they dynamic painful instead of lovey-dovey-ooey-gooey-sentimental, and ya bitch is always down to mix a good dollop of pain into my stories lmao.

Changes Down the Line

This one I'm gonna preface with to anyone reading this: don't go digging through my reviews. I'm too old and my bones are too tired to stir up shit, or incite drama.

I lost focus/desire to finish this story somewhere around I think when Gaz got kidnapped the first time (ch 19ish). I had a whole (now lost to time/deleted) chapter of her being in a warehouse, losing her shit, and breaking free via her powers.

ORIGINALLY, in a world where that version of the story happened instead of what's published, this was going to lead to Gaz being an actual, active threat to humanity incapable of controlling her powers. There was going to be a scene where Dib has to really debate on killing his own sister, or let her destroy the world in a fit of grief. Zim and Dib turned against one another because of it, with Zim fully willing to let her destroy as much of the Earth as he needs to as long as she stays alive.

It was undecided whether or not I was going to make Gaz kill Membrane, or just get really close. Most of the end of From Your Memory was me winging it and losing steam, so I was going back and forth on it.

However, I did know Dib would eventually manage to get close enough for the 'moment of truth,' so to speak, but find himself unable to actually kill his little sister. That moment of humanity would snap her back to cognizance. She'd realize just how much both Zim and Dib care for her in their individual ways, and sort of collapse. They'd eventually disappear, and the rest of story would play out pretty similarly to the published ending (assuming Membrane didn't die).

This all was scrapped legitimately because of one singular review.

Someone, and I genuinely do not remember who but I vaguely remember getting into it in my A/N's with them a few times, wrote this really rude review about how predictable the story was getting, and wrote out basically that it was obvious that Gaz was about to have a power freakout, how played out that was, blah blah blah. In 2011/2012 however, I was like 15, so instead of rolling my eyes and/or patting myself on the back for leaving enough narrative hints that the entirety of my story could be devised from what was already published, I got really mad lmao.

So in an effort to not be 'predictable' and prove that person 'wrong,' I deleted the entire chapter and rewrote it to what's now ch 20. That whole storyline was gone just cause one review really rubbed me the wrong way on the right day lmao. I think there's even an A/N even at the end of 20 that mentions offhand the scrapped rewrite.

As a reminder, this fic was finished over 10 years ago. I am not interested and would in fact be really irritated by anyone digging up the review to go harass someone who probably isn't even active on fanfiction anymore (I mean god, is anyone? Lmao). But that is what happened, and it is relevant to the question, so there.

Additionally, I was debating on writing out a few prequel chapters and inserting them somewhere in the story. Maybe 1 - 3(?) chapters written out, with a beginning, middle, and end of how Zim and Gaz's relationship developed. Like a lot of small, detailed flashbacks of when Zim first started treating Gaz, some middle bits when they stared falling for one another and really began to allow themselves to lean on one another, and then the final kiss scene, just before Gaz lost her memories.

I don't know quite remember where I intended to put that. I had vague ideas of Gaz being knocked out, those 1 - 3 chapters of flashback, and then her 'waking up' right after she slips into a coma, back in the present. These chapters were never written, partially because I couldn't figure out where to put them, and then by the time I got to scenes that could work for that kind of transition, I was really burning out with the story and just wanted to be done with it.

.

I think that's everything! Hopefully somewhere in this mess was a cohesive answer that answered your question! If I missed anything specific you were looking for, please let me know, and I'll be happy to answer! <3

[1d1195]

sam you are the sweetest person in the world actually, thank you so much🫶

STEAL MY GIRL MUSIC VIDEO IS SUCH A NICHE THING I FEEL LIKE ITS ALMOST AN INSIDE JOKE it’s sooooo funny every time i watch it i’m just laughing SO REAL WITH LOUIS AND THE CHIMP i remember watching it for the first time and seeing harry in the fucking trench coat and genuinely getting worried like “hmmm it’s too hot for that, hope he’s okay😕” BABHSHAHAHAHAHA zayn and the sumo wrestlers ALWAYS gets me

IM ACTUALLY LAUGHING SOOOO HARD AT THE "SAMANTHA -🎶" YOU GET ME😭😭 i think i read all dolcezza like the same week you posted the last part, and it’s a good thing i did cause ooooo girl….😮‍💨😮‍💨you woulda drove me crazy

I THINK I SAID THIS ONCE BUT IM NOT SURE AND IF I DID IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO BUTTTT THE SERIES THAT BROUGHT ME TO YOUR PAGE WAS ACTUALLY MADE TO BE🥹🥹🥹🥹 and i came from PART 1 !!!!! (ironic considering my aversion to waiting lol) i tuned in every week to read the new part and back then you were updating on sundays and i stg i would get soooo giddy (i was in SHAMBLESSS between chapters having to wait a week😭) and yea…after that series ive been stuck here like a leech LMAO

on the topic of waiting on chapters i started traditional like right after you’d posted the second to last chapter and O.M.G. AHAHAHAH ITS SO FUNNY LOOKING BACK BUT I WAS ACTUALLY GLUEDDD TO MY PHONE👀👀 WAITING FOR THE NEXT PART CAUSE THEY HAD GOT IN THAT FIGHT AND I WAS SOOO HOOKED and then i woke up one morning and it was out, guess how i spent my breakfast & coffee time😭

i’m just rambling at this point BUT YES !!! YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW APPRECIATED YOU ARE !!! i remember back then i wasn’t doing the best and lots of things were changing but i always looked forward to reading the newest chapter. i read in one of your recent asks about how you decide what you write based on engagement (which makes total sense) but you feel like you get a lot of non-interacting readers. this is true and it really sucks but i guess it’s the reality of posting on a website like this. however, i will gladly take the time to say what they won’t and AHHHH SAM YOURE AN AMAZING WRITER I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR FEEDING US YOU MATTER SOOOO MUCH MORE THAN YOU KNOW 💕💕💕💕💘💘💘💘💘💝💝💝💝💝💖💖💖💖💖💖💗💗💗💗💗💗

i cried while finished “Love & Other Words” 😪omg i didn’t see that coming but it was SOOOO. GOOD. like….i sat and stared at the book with a small smile after i finished it kind of good. i will DEF been rereading that I LOVE THEM😭😭 THAT SCENE WHERE HE SAID “I’ll take anything you give me. Is that pathetic?” I SCREAMED they’re so precious and i looooveddd the way it was written!!! i just sped through it and i love when books feel like that

it has also been storming here, like so bad the electricity went out a few weeks ago and if u go out when it’s sunny you will melt. not a fan of summer right now🙄 SO happy to hear you’re feeling more relaxed, hopefully that stays till at least the end of summer. pasta is yummy !! i like my pasta dishes w a lotttttaaaa cheese :)) ive been boring too, dw. just a lotta reading on my end cause i am notttt in the mood to talk to anyone lately, vry antisocial (i also started my period last night ??? maybe that why lmfao😭)

sorry for this behemoth of an ask, thank you for chatting HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY LOVE YOU <33333333

~🎶

I DREAM about Harry in that trench coat. A fashion icon. I love him so much in that (and everything). I totally forgot all about the sumo wrestler piece of it I was so focused on the chimp and Louis. Louis' smile in that is my FAVORITE thing in the world. It was SO pure.

hehehehehe well, I'm happy to report that Part II of Most will be up tomorrow afternoon. She's longer than I thought I could do but here we are. After writing it, I think Part 1 and Part 2 would be a good read. I don't think it will drive you crazy the way Dolcezza would have drove you crazy.

OMG. I apologize if you DID say it, but I feel like this is new information to me. I'm so so sorry if I forgot. BUT STILL. I haven't thought about Made to Be in a REALLY long time 😭 I loved it for so long after I finished writing it. It was a huge part of my life. You've been here for a while, that's so cute and nice to hear 💕 I'm so glad you liked it

You are so so sweet. I am so grateful for you compliments.

IS THAT PATHETIC made me want to SCREAM too. I love Elliot so goddamn much I could CRY. He is my ideal man. My new story is Love & Other Words coded for sure 🙈 I didn't mean for it to happen but then I think I told you I got it back from letting my sister borrow it and I couldn't stop rereading the whole "I'm pathetic part" like OMG I'm 😭😭 so distraught about it STILL. Everything about that book is perfect.

I am summer's least favorite fan. The heat makes me so sticky and gross feeling. Also, I don't look good in summer clothes (or I feel gross about myself, whatever) ANYWAY. I love a good antisocial mood tbh. I feel so obligated to be on and around everyone all the time. And what's worse is I let myself be available. I JUST started getting better at not checking my work email outside of work hours. My sister and mom need me LITERALLY all the time. My bf and I are home at the same time so I just never get a MINUTE to myself. I have to like hide in my own apartment to get any alone time. So yeah. I can't get my brain to shut off lately to read but I've been doing some hard work on the writing here so I'm hoping that will help--also been doing a GREAT job binging TV. I think I just want to keep reading romance stuff and not all the like "interesting" books I've bought and haven't read 😭 It's the only way I'm going to get through this bookshelf of mine 😂

I love the chatting and the long asks so no need to apologize or thank me. I hope you have a fantastic Monday! LOVE YOU SO MUCH 💕

xoxo

[yannowhatigiveup]

My One And Only - Chapter 8

Previous | Next

So this chapter is longer than the previous one and hOpefuLly my writing will get better with each new chapter. One can only hope. And I’m updating this daily cuz I wanna be caught up with all of my chapters so I don’t forget to post one by accident. But the daily updates will unfortunately stop after chapter 13, I guess. For now, enjoy! *totally not debating if I should post chapter 9* also Gabriel, no

Uncle Jagged: Nettie! I got everything ready. Wanna record a bonus track for my new album?

'Oh god'

—————————————————————

Marinette kept rereading the message to make sure she had read it correctly. The message never changed. "Oh Tikki what if my voice sounds horrible? Uncle Jagged will be disappointed and then he won't have me as his designer anymore! He'll probably tell everything to everyone, to Gabriel Agreste, Clara, Chloe's mother and to the whole public!"

"Calm down Marinette!" Tikki flew out the bag and hugged the bluenette's face. "I'm sure you'll do just fine!"

"Thanks Tikki" Marinette said hesitantly. She then approached the hotel doors and towards the elevators. She had felt the gaze of the receptionists and one of them had got up with the intention to talk to her, only to be dragged back down by the fellow receptionist, the one who Marinette talked to yesterday. The bluenette had taken full notice of this but chose to ignore it. She then reached Damian's hotel room and knocked on the door. She heard something metallic drop on the floor followed by a slightly muffled word. Marinette knew exactly what he said but she was confused. She then heard the same voice again though much clearer this time.

"You can come in, the door is unlocked"

~~~

Damian had just finished showering, he was half dressed when he got a message from 'Angel'. He had changed used this nickname as her contact name.

Angel: I got an hour and half till my meeting with Uncle J, you want me to come over?

Damian smiled. Honestly, if he could he would give all his time to her.

Me: Sure, come over whenever you want I don't mind

He was about to put his shirt on when he got an urge to practice with his katana, which he did. He made a mental note about getting dressed soon and he went to the case which his katana was located. He then practiced different stances as well as practicing different motions with the blade. He thought of the bluenette. When he first met her, she struck him as someone defenseless and vulnerable. But he now had the feeling she could take down someone twice her size. Though, that didn't stop him from feeling obligated to protect her. He had become so focused that when someone knocked he tensed. Not that much but enough to loose grip of his katana. The blade sunk into his skin and left quite a deep cut on his upper arm and on the right side of his chest, causing him to drop his katana.

"Scheiße!" He didn't react to the pain, it was the thought of Marinette walking in on this situation. 'Since when do I know German?' "You can come in, the door is unlocked" 'Damn it that's not what I meant!'

Marinette opened the unlocked door to see a shirtless Damian. She probably would've metaphorically died at that point if she didn't take notice to the whole situation. Not only was he shirtless, he was bleeding. 'How did-' she noticed the katana. 'Oh, makes sense now'. The bluenette then sprinted into action. She closed the door behind her, put her bag down quickly but still being mindful of Tikki and turned her attention to the now flustered Damian. She grabbed the arm that wasn't cut and carefully dragged him onto the sofa, she also looked at the katana on her way there while taking some mental notes. 'Looks clean, no rust or scratches that could contain bacteria and seems so have been cleaned thoroughly before use. Great! That makes my job easier'.

"What are you-"

"Hush Shaytan" Marinette interrupted while going to the bathroom, searching for one of those medkits. "Let me take care of you" she said while getting one of the disinfectants in the kit. Marinette then carefully rubbed the liquid into his wounds.

"It stings" he grumbled.

"Awww don't worry little Dami, it will stop stinging soon" Marinette said lightheartedly, as if she was comforting Manon.

"Tt I am not five" he grumbled again. He shifted his body so that Marinette could properly bandage his chest and right arm. After she was done, he flexed his arm. 'She did extremely well' "Thank you, Angel. You really are a life saver". He subconsciously smirked when he saw her face turn a shade of pink.

"Thanks, did I bandage it correctly? I hope I did, oh no what happens if it doesn't heal correctly? What happens if-" she suddenly stopped as Damian had pulled her in close to his chest.

"Honestly you did perfectly Habibti, there's no need to worry" he stroked his fingers through her deep blue hair as a way to calm her down further, but he himself enjoyed it. He knew how Marinette would always think that she's the one at fault and he came up with a way to calm her down. From the looks of it, it was working.

Marinette blushed when Damian had pulled her into his chest, even more so when she felt his fingers brush through her hair. It felt like it had genuine emotion with it, not only just to make her feel better. She took advantage of being close to his chest, his wounds, and used her powers outside the mask to let the wound heal faster. Now knowing that it would heal soon, she enjoyed his embrace, burying herself further into his muscular body. The she remembered something. "So what are we gonna do about your spilt blood?"

"You say that like I deal with this often" he said with a smug looking face. Marinette then had a 'I know you do' face. He jokingly sighed. "I shall clean it and before you object, I feel fine enough to do a simple task such as this." Her giggling brought a smile to his face. "Also have you worked out what Jagged Stone has in mind for you?"

"I'll tell you that after you tell me how you know German" Marinette shifted so that he could get up. "If I recall, you told me that you were fluent in French, Arabic, English and Spanish and that you were learning Japanese. I don't remember German ever coming up" she said in a jokingly serious tone.

"Actually I'm fluent in Japanese now" Damian murmured while getting something from one of his cases, 'Something to clean the blood I suppose' "I was taught an easy way to learn languages, I might have crossed German once before but if so I just forgot about it. Also, how do you know German?"

"Well if you have any interest in learning a new language you'd want to know the swear words, am I right?" She giggled.

"Fair point" he chuckled while allowing his blood to soap into something he brought, a tissue or towel perhaps. "Now, do you know what Jagged Stone's surprise is for you?"

"Yeah, he wants me to record a bonus track for his album"

Damian paused just as he had finished disinfecting his katana. "Wow, that's great Angel!"

"Yes I'm very grateful to Uncle Jagged for organizing all this but what if I sound horrible? I do want to do it for him really, I don't want to turn the offer down but I-"

"Angel, there is no need to worry. If you're not comfortable with it you can tell Jagged, he'll understand. But I'm sure you have a beautiful voice"

"You really think so?" Marinette murmured. Damian nodded. She gave him a thank you smile before saying, "So, what's this quick way of learning a language? I've got 30 minutes"

Damian chuckled. "Well the first thing you would want to know is..."

~~~

'Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the only one in class whose been able to stop herself from getting akumatized. She must be very strong, physically and mentally. My point was proven when she became Multimouse, wearing nearly every miraculous that I've ever heard or come across. Ladybug must trust her greatly. I must find a way to akumatize her'

Gabriel Agreste stood in his observatory after recently detransforming. 'She can control her emotions well but when she's angry, it's incredibly strong. This girl could be one of the strongest in Paris, she could be one that senses auras. I must find a way. I will use her to eliminate all of heroes. All I need is time'.

———

Taglist: @little-bluestar, @miracleofadisaster, @frieddonutsweets, @jjmjjktth, @genderfluidmoma, @starlit-dreaming (ur the one who wanted to get tagged right? I’m so sorry I forget to write your name down so I’m not sure-), @icerosecrystal

[thelazyhermits]

As I mentioned a while back, I finally finished writing the Heroes Rising fic, so I don’t currently have any ongoing writing projects. That’s why I finally got around to playing Pokemon Shield, but something else also came to mind that I could do.

I suddenly found myself thinking that I hadn’t gone back and reread TABF in a while to check it for errors. I think I’ve done it twice since finishing the fic, but it’s probably been at least a year since the last time I did it.

Anyway, I was like “Hey, why not?” I always like to have my fics grammatically correct and all that haha

Little did I know that I would be doing far more than that lol

I’m not gonna lie. When I was reading that first chapter, I was cringing cause of all the syntax errors. It was a hot mess lol

Once I read that first chapter, I knew I had to reread the whole fic cause I was afraid there were even more errors 😂

Seriously, how did I not notice this during my other readthroughs? I wanna go back and shake my past self smh

I just wanna take this time to thank y’all for reading and liking my fic despite its many faults. Y’all are the true MVPs 😂

The other reason I made this post is because I wanted to let y’all know about the new and improved TABF in case y’all wanna check out the changes, which aren’t just grammar/syntax changes.

I have actually inserted new content into some of the chapters, but I won’t say which ones since I want it to be a surprise XD

However, I will say I made some changes to how Mineta is handled in one chapter. So there’s a completely new scene focused on him that has been added.

The reason I decided to make that change was because of how some people reacted to Fortune punishing Mineta for crimes he technically hadn’t committed which in turn made her look bad and hypocritical since she got upset when Stain tried to kill Iida for something he hadn’t actually done.

Honestly, I wrote the whole Mineta situation intending for it to be comical. I didn’t think people would read that much into it because I just wanted to provide readers, who hate how he never gets stopped in canon, an opportunity to give him his just desserts. It was meant to be pure self-indulgence for everyone reading.

If I had known that this would negatively reflect on Fortune, I wouldn’t have gone that route. That’s why I have Fortune make this comparison which leads to her talking to Mineta about her actions.

Another thing I addressed was the UA traitor situation since there were questions that I never addressed in the fic that I really should have. I intended for those questions to be simply handled in the background without Fortune’s knowledge, but it really made no sense for her not to question things, so that’s what I did.

But don’t worry, the traitor isn’t revealed or anything like that. I just had questions addressed that really should’ve been brought up by Fortune at some point.

All this time, I’ve always intended to have the traitor exist in TABF. I just wanted to be subtle about it cause I didn’t know all the details. Now, I realize I was way too subtle, so I made the necessary changes lol

Aside from that, I’ve also changed Thirteen’s pronouns to match canon like I mentioned in a previous post.

Hopefully, y’all enjoy the new and improved TABF, which is my Christmas present to y’all! Merry Christmas! XD

[zorak-show]

'til the last drop

ch. 3 Everyone needs family

read ch 1, ch 2

summary: a young zaundads fic. (vander x silco) Silco's absence at the meetings is more than noticed. Vander investigates and tries to help.

words: 1.2k

tags/warnings: injury, silco being sad and hurt, vander being teddy bear

AO3 (subscribe to the story to stay up to date, currently updating every couple days)

You're a rude little twat

The words echoed over and over in his head as he walked down the alley to the speakeasy. Like nettles to his skin, the insult burned and prickled his senses. He was always something; rude, annoying, prying...different. A thorn in everyone's side when all he wanted was a better world for the undercity. No one should have to endure life like this. Not when it could be so much better.

Still, he kept showing up to the meetings. Where else did he have to be? He had no social life and, even at work, kept to himself all day. Trying to get by without a fight. There must have been something about his face, something about the way he looked and spoke to people that made him a target. He could never figure out what exactly, but it was there plain as day. Maybe it was his long nose, begging to meet with men's fists. He'd grown used to the taste of blood in his mouth and with mending his wounds. Small as he was, he'd also learned how to pack a punch or two of his own. Working in the mines had at least the benefit of making him stronger than he looked.

After a few months of weekly attendance at the meetings, Silco's presence declined, missing several sessions in a row. The first had been that he'd grown tired of them, needed a break from the idealist Vander and his mindless followers. If they wouldn't listen to him, then why bother taking part. He'd have to find his own revolutionary group. By the second week, he'd reconsidered his involvement with Vander's group. If he couldn't join them, he could poach some members for his own cause.

Unfortunately, the day before the next meeting, an accident at the mines had left him out of commission for the time being. He'd broken a bone in his foot. Nothing that wouldn't heal without proper rest and restraint of using it. This means, of course, he was out of work for several weeks. Which boiled down to the fact he was out of pay. Finances were dwindling, he was struggling to survive as is, and Vander's silly meetings were at the bottom of his list of things to worry about.

Days bled into one another, and Silco still couldn't work. He'd nearly used up all his money on what meager rations he could afford once his rent was paid. Time meant nothing now. It could be morning, noon, or night for all he cared.

at least I can catch up on my reading

He had no shortage of books to pore over. Reading and rereading them was the only pleasure in life he knew. A knock at his door interrupted his concentration. He sat motionless on the bed for a moment, trying to process who would be visiting him.

They knocked again.

"Who is it?" Silco set aside his book and got up slow and careful with the aid of his crutches to walk towards the door.

"Silco? It's Vander." His distinctive baritone voice muffled by the thick door.

Silco stood in stunned silence. What was he doing here?

"Can I come in?"

Silco undid the bolt opening the door a crack to see that it really was Vander before undoing the chain and allowing the muscular man into his small dwelling.

"We were worried when we didn't see you at the meetings. Are you ok?"

Silco looked down at his wrapped foot that he didn't allow to touch the floor.

"Not really."

"Yeah, I visited the mines to try and find you. They said there'd been an accident. I uh" Vander pulled his hair off his forehead in a nervous gesture. "We, uh, raised some money for you at the last couple of meetings. It's not much, but hopefully, it can help relieve some-"

"I don't need your charity," Silco spat at him, hobbling back to sit on the edge of his bed.

"I meant no offense by it. I'm only trying to help. We are a community. We take care of our own. Please, Silco. I know you need help."

Silco said nothing but stared down at the dirty floor. He couldn't think of anything he'd want less in life. Of course, he needed the help, and it was generous of them, but how could he make that admission in front of the oafish Vander. To show such vulnerability?

Vander sighed and placed the bag of coins on the counter. The apartment was small but tidy. Of course, there was dust and dirt, but what place in the Lanes wasn't a little dirty and dusty. It was unavoidable down here. He walked over to the mattress on the floor where Silco sat and plopped down next to him.

"I understand how hard it can be to accept help, believe me. But none of us expect anything in return. We miss having you around, is all. I miss havin' ya around." Vander looked away, and when Silco turned to look at him, he could see the tips of his ears and the side of his face reddening.

What did he have to be embarrassed about, Silco wondered. It's not like he was the one injured with a house guest in his tiny, messy apartment. His stomach folded into itself in shame, and he suddenly wanted Vander very far away from him. As Silco was about to open his mouth to demand his exit, Vander put a powerful arm around Silco's diminutive frame and squeezed.

"Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help ya. Anything at all. I can bring ya food and drink. I'm no cook, but I know some great street vendors that'd be happy to donate-"

"Like I said, I don't need your charity." Silco tried to wiggle his way out of Vander's arms, but his grip was too firm, and Silco was too feeble. He grumbled incoherently, and Vander squeezed him tighter into his body. He was a wall of muscle and smelled like sweat and smoke. It should have been off-putting, but Silco felt himself drawn to it, almost melting into the man's arms. He restrained himself, keeping a scowl contorting his thin lips.

"Everyone needs help sometimes. Everyone needs family." Vander spoke soft and quiet to Silco. The warmth filling his belly grew until he felt himself sweating, and the tips of his ears to the end of his nose were blazing hot. He hated this feeling more than the searing pain in his foot.

"The coin is more than enough," Silco finally shook free of Vander, rising with the aid of his crutch. "Thank you for thinking of me. I should... You should go now."

"Alright then," Vander stood, creaking the wood boards under his boots as he followed Silco to the door.

"I'll be by tomorrow then with food. Shelly's got an amazing seafood special you gotta try."

Silco scowled at him as he pushed him out the door and clicked it shut with a lock once he was out.

The audacity of this man never ended. Silco frowned as he counted the coins in the purse Vander dropped off. The utter arrogance of this generosity. Who did he think he was? And why did he believe Silco needed such taking care of?

"'I've survived on my own just fine so far. I don't need anyone's handouts." He spoke to the small purse in disgust before chucking it across the room. Laying back in bed, he stared up at the ceiling, trying to suppress the feelings swirling around in his mind, filling his belly with sickness. Tears streamed down his face, and he let them fall, no use to bother wiping them away.

-------------

@dawdreygore

[park-jimin-isnt-real]

@fangirl-and-stuff I told you I'd figure out a way to get this posted, feat. my best attempts at filling in the reaction memes.

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTT

I JUST FINISHED READING AND I AM NOT WELL

FIRST AND FOREMOST I FUCKING KNEW HER BITCH ASS SNAKE OF A SPERM DONOR WAS THE ONE THAT HAD HER KIDNAPPED

"BITCH ASS SNAKE OF A SPERM DONOR" IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. Also- who else did you think it was gonna be??

IM SO GLAD THAT YOONGI SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD EVEN THOUGH I WISH THEY MADE HIM SUFFER MORE THAN GIVING HIM A QUICK DEATH

AND MC..... FUCKKKKKK POOR MC GOING THROUGH ALL THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS (I DONT WANT TO MENTION ANYTHING THAT DID HAPPEN SO I DONT TRIGGER ANYONE)

ALL BECAUSE HE WANTED TO GIVE HER TO THE PERSON WHO BOUGHT HER?!?! FUCK HIM AND AGAIN I WISHED HE SUFFERED MORE

I did originally plan for a long torturous death for him via hyung line feat. jungkook, but as I was actually writing the scene I decided I actually wanted (and fit the characterization better imo) yoongi to just end him then and there. Yoongi's line there is one of my favorite in the whole chapter

"Were you really going to sit there and let him talk about her like that? Cause I sure as fuck wasn't."

Truly, we stan.

When Jackson was introduced, I was skeptical bc wtf are you here and why do you want to help MC hmmmm???

And then when it cut to 8 years later and then seeing him gaslight and manipulate tf outta the MC... oooo it had my blood boiling

I TAKE IT BACK THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING. I HAVE BEEN LOSING MY SHIT OVER THIS IMAGE FOR WEEKS NOW.

The overall consensus on Jackson is, no one likes him. And that was kinda the point. So I did my job. [Insert spoiler-y things here]

AND AHHHHHH THE WAY SHE ENCOUNTERED JIMIN WHEN HE WAS DROPPING OFF SOMEONE THAT THEY HELPED MADE ME SCREECH AND THE WAY THE CHAPTER CUT TO THE BOYS AND THEN MC WAS IMMACULATE BTW I LOVED THAT

AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK WAS LOOKING FOR MC AS HARD AS NAMJOON STILL DOES BC HE WANTS THEM TO BE REUNITED AND HAPPY AND AHHHHH MY FREAKING HEART

I'm glad that last scene worked the way I wanted it to, I was really worried about it. I kept sending little screenshots to my friends asking "does this make sense?? When it's written like this??"

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT THE BACKSTORY OF HOW JOON AND JUNGKOOK MET AND HOW JIMIN AND TAE JOINED THEIR GANG AHHHHHHH

I mean I knew we were probably going to touch on that this chapter considering it covers the entire decade they were apart but like it was still a pleasant surprise

Namkook is so precious to me. Jungkook is too precious for this story.

Okay also that part where MC was hired to find JK had me giggling bc in the way that no one could find him bc he left Busan was basically the same way why the boys couldn't find MC bc she left Seoul to Busan. Did that make sense? I feel like it made more sense in my head but hopefully you understand hehe

I feel like I had more to say but I'm gonna reread the chapter again to remember but with that being said...

Happy and safe and healthy and secure is the endgame. It's just. It's gonna take a while. A very long while.

My dear author, I am so happy that you were able to finish this chapter and I am so excited to see how this story goes! I'm really glad I stumbled upon your story and I can't wait to read the scene of the aftermath of MC saying "I watched you close the door" I have a feeling it's going to be angsty in the best way. You go and rest that wonderful brain of yours, bestie... you earned it 💜💜💜

Oh my word darling, this is one of the best reviews I've ever gotten 🥰🥰 I am so glad that you're enjoying it so much, truly it makes my heart sing. I hope the next chapter meets your expectations and that you love it just as much 💜💜💜

[thattimdrakeguy]

Favorite tim writers

Sorry for taking so long to answer this one. I'm still moving boxes, and I had to get a shower cause I got all sweaty and such. Gross I know.

But hmmmm. I been trying to think about it along the way.

1) Marv Wolfman.

He created Tim. No other contenders for me. While he may not have wrote him a lot, he wrote enough to make the base for all depictions of Tim at least should be based on.

2) Adam Beechon.

Why you may ask, because I think he understood the character at Tim, and used the personal trauma that Tim had amassed at the time in a way that stayed true to Tim's character. Showing that Tim can evolve, while not losing who he is for simple melodrama. And plus, he's this high, mainly cause while I like most of Dixon's writing till later on in his run, he's a prick.

The only thing off the top of my head is that Adam Beechon made Tim just a bit too cool. Because while he isn't the biggest geek ever compared to his friends who are obsessively geeky. Tim is still a big geek. That often felt a bit forgotten to make him more of a popular kid. Tim has his cool moments that get recognized, I think mainly his confidence in certain situations. But Tim needs to feel at least like a notable bit of a geek.

He didn’t write for my favorite era. But, I admire he kept Tim consistent while others destroyed him for the drama. Plus he had a longer chance to write him compared to others who either had him for a few small issues, not under his solo, or in Dixon’s case--wasn’t an asshole.

Beechon still can’t write Cass Cain, though.

3) Meghan Fitzmartin.

She's mostly got a very solid understanding of Tim, if not his relationship with some of the others. Typically one that's honestly not paid attention too for so long, it's just made to be generic, pretty, and bland.

There's a few flaws in the way she writes Tim, that, while small, are just not enough to make her go higher. Plus, you know. Revealed Tim's gay. Which is pretty nice.

Like this could just be me needing to reread, but I felt she made Tim take himself way too seriously. Tim never took himself too seriously. He took the job and being Robin seriously, but not himself. So sometimes when the story was focused on purely Timmy, he felt just a bit off.

4) Alan Grant

Though never a writer of Tim's solo, as far as I am aware. He wrote some of his earliest stories, and among them at least a hand full of his most important stories. I also think that he understood Tim's more childish side compared to Dixon, who I saw gave Tim a line about insurance deficits or something--like a 14-year-old boy would even care to do that, let alone reference it.

I think his biggest flaw if I remember right, was just that Tim's dialogue could be worded like he was tryna think of how a 90s kid would talk. Which dates it a bit. But mostly he was just fine and it fit in with how Tim was established to speak in his origin. A little kid doing his best to sound smart, with enough innocence, and naiveté, and with a genuine kid voice in there that makes it all work within what his origin establishes about him.

How well Alan Grant always achieved that--eh, but, still. I remember him being quite good. And I think he deserves more credit than he's given since he helped establish Tim, alongside Marv Wolfman, and Dixon.

5) Chuck Dixon.

While stated before he's not a morally great person. Who's bigoted opinions are shown well through his own contradictions made in his attempts to defend himself. He still wrote a very good Tim, and Tim's best stories. His biggest flaws to me, where sometimes feeling like he forgot what a kid was like within Tim's dialogue. It would sometimes be very good, which, that's part of writing a very good Tim. But every now and again Tim--didn't really feel like himself, and talked more like I imagine Dixon would speak. Going from a joke Tim would make that references TMNT to a joke only a curmudgeonly 30-year-old man would make, is very distracting.

And every now and again would portray Tim as a bit too mature, or--something along those lines if not the exact word to use. Tim was a light hearted kid that used his brightness to make Bruce hopefully remember his own light side. Dixon at times would struggle at this and write Tim more like how Dick would get at, at Bruce, and not Tim himself. Or just overall have Tim say something that, I really don't think the same kid from Lonely Place of Dying would be saying. He also made Tim proper mean in the few things of Young Justice he wrote. Clearly not understanding the Young Justice dynamic. Like Dixon couldn't help but leak out his own cynicism on a character literally created to be idealistic and a bit of an optimist.

He's a writer that could easily be one of Tim's best writers, which he showed with series like Tim's first Robin mini. Where, while Tim was portrayed as a bit more mature than in Lonely Place of Dying. Made more sense as his "mommy" had just died and he was trying to prove he's not just a kid. While also writing him to show just how much of a kid he really was deep down with his obliviousness and naiveté.

That still persisted in the solo, but there's just some moments where it's like. "He does remember what Tim's like right? And what a kid is like?" Which would created inconsistency among the Batman or Detective Comics writer that still had Tim just a bit more closer to his lighthearted naïve, but ready to prove himself roots.

Not to say this makes Tim's solo bad, but the more I've read it the more I noticed odd moments, I think towards the middle, and some even more towards the end where it could get very noticeable. Tim by the end of his run didn't always feel like Tim, and when he did, more often than not a very bland two dimensional version. Though there’s a few moments like that even in the beginning.

--

If I can think of anymore I'll add them, but as it is now, that's the best I can think of, and tried to give my reasons as to why on their positioning.

[goldenretriever-nicknelson]

An elfish Christmas (T.H)

A/n: Happy Christmas Eve! I hope you all have an amazing Christmas/day! This is a fic i had an idea for and ran with and I hope it’s okay 😂 I’m also planning on a part 2 but it will be after the holidays so lemme know if you’d still read it. I also hope the read more works cause I’m doing this on mobile 😅

Summary: Tom Holland is an elf from the North Pole and he works on making wishes come true every Christmas esepcially for one special person. That is until they end up on the naughty list and Tom is determined to find out what went wrong even if he breaks every rule in doing so.

Pairing: Elf!Tom Holland x reader

WC: 1.6k

Warnings: none i don’t think :)

It was the most wonderful time of the year. The small village was bustling with people preparing for the festive season. Even the string of lights that hung on every corner all year round seemed to shine brighter. The villagers themselves couldn’t believe it existed once the snowflakes fell, and made every inch seem to sparkle.

Tom was one of those people, more specifically called elves. He’d been born here at the North Pole, and that’s where him and his family had stayed. Of course, elves always had the option to leave, but it was very rare that anyone would actually want to. At Santa’s village you could get christmas all year round, hot chocolate for free and by being an elf you got the joy of making someone else happy. That’s what Tom loved most.

However, elf training was no easy feat. Firstly, you started off making tiny things such as wooden blocks or acquiring something like legos, and then when you moved up to a senior elf you could do much more magical things with presents. It used to be easier, when all a kid wanted was a rocking horse or a doll; but now it was all about technology that only a senior elf could manage. Each elf was also given specific people to make presents for, the number of which grew as they advanced in training.

Tom was still only an elf in training, meaning that he was limited to what he could make and he was only given one person to make presents for.

“Y/n L/n.”

Tom reread her name off the nice list as if trying to commit it to memory. He smiled and his ears perked up, turning slightly red as he saw her picture. She was beautiful. He shook his head and quickly pushed that thought to the side as he read her list.

Over the years, Tom worked hard to make Y/n’s wishes come true and every time he succeeded. She made him smile whenever he got her letters of thanks or what she wanted for next year. He sometimes wished that Y/n could know who he was because he was sure they would be friends, but she could never know. He was just an elf, someone that not many people even believed in anymore.

Eventually, Tom’s hard work got noticed and he worked his way up to become a senior elf. He had been so excited as he put his new hat on with extra jingle bells and made his way to the senior elves workshop. As soon as he entered he was already rushed off of his feet by someone who showed him to his work station and gave him a high pile of papers.

“What are these?”

“They’re your letters kid, get to work.”

Tom’s eyes went wide as he looked at the large pile of letters he had to read. He grabbed a hot chocolate and started his way through them, his mind keeping a look out for the familiar scrawl of Y/n’s writing. It took him all night until he finally reached her letter.

Even though Y/n was older now, she still wrote letters to the North Pole and Tom liked to daydream that it was because of him.

He smiled as he read her list. As usual, her wishlist was full of books and some technology that he could finally get for her but there was one thing that caught his eye. Y/n had asked for her prince charming to find her with a “lol” after. Tom’s face contorted in confusion as he thought. Maybe she was asking for a disney related item or something similar. And what did lol mean?

He’d even asked his brothers what it meant but they hadn’t had much clue either. That was until Sam whacked his arm lightly and laughed.

“She’s asking for a boyfriend mate.”

Tom’s cheeks started to blush without him even realising. “A-a boyfriend?”

Sam nodded and looked at him almost in sympathy.

“But that’s- that’s not something we can do.” Tom stuttered, his brain whirring. He always wanted and tried to make those wishes come true especially Y/n’s.

“We can’t do everything.” Harry, his other brother shrugged, sipping on his hot chocolate. Tom sighed and shook his head.

“There has to be a way.” Tom spoke with such determination that Sam was slightly taken aback.

“You can’t make people fall in love.”

His brothers both gave him a look and he knew they were right. From what he knew about love it happened spontaneously, it was never forced or made. It definitely wasn’t something that could be made in a workshop. And yet, Tom didn’t give up.

He tried everything he could, read every book on the shelf as if it might help him on soulmates and love but he couldn’t find any solution. Tom didn’t know Y/n’s soulmate and it was so far out of his jurisdiction that he felt lost if he tried to look.

So when the time came on the day before Christmas Eve to finalise the presents, Tom sighed and wrapped up her other gifts before signing a letter. He apologised for not being able to deliver on his promise and that he hoped she would find her prince charming one day, whoever it may be.

Letters weren’t usually allowed from elves so Tom snuck it into one of her presents before finally delivering them to Santa’s sleigh. As they went off on the night of christmas eve along with the other presents he had worked hard to make and give, he felt a little tinge of nerves creep into his brain.

He hadn’t been able to deliver her wish. What kind of elf did that make him?

Luckily everyone understood why the present had been hard to acquire and put no blame on him whatsoever even if Tom did upon himself. Y/n was still happy with her gifts and Tom hoped she’d read his letter.

The few years after that followed, Y/n’s letters to the north pole became more frequent and were always delivered to Tom as if she knew him. It was like having a penpal, and with each letter both their smiles grew wider. Tom worked harder to grant her wishes and even snuck a few more letters into her gifts but he became busier and he had less time to focus on her. He had even got accused of favoritism which he needed to prove wasn’t true (even if it was).

His letter became far and few until eventually they stopped all together and so did Y/n’s. She even stopped writing her christmas wishes.

Tom was confused and upset, searching through his pile of letters again thinking he might have missed her but he came up short yet again. He asked one of the other elves who looked at him sadly.

“You didn’t hear?”

“What?” Tom asked, looking desperately at the elf. His mind went to the worst scenario and he hoped that you were okay.

“She’s on the naughty list.”

Tom’s eyes widened before running over to the lists and scanning for her name. Sure enough he found it in big red letters and underlined. She was on the naughty list.

Tom shook his head, feeling confused. This wasn’t the Y/n he knew. Something must be wrong, he was sure and Tom felt a determination to help her and find out what it was.

He went to his brothers first seeking advice. They looked genuinely worried for Tom as he paced around the room, running his hand through his curls and wringing his hat in his hands.

“What if the list is wrong?” Tom asked hopefully, already knowing the answer.

“It’s never wrong Tom. He checks it twice.”

Tom sighed and flopped down, pushing away the hot chocolate that Sam tried to hand to him. His brothers exchanged a worried glance.

He thought about the people he had known from the naughty list; criminals, bosses, even some world leaders but not someone like you who was kind and genuine. It didn’t make sense. Tom knew you deserved presents and love and he’d be damned if let this slip out his hands.

“I’m going to go and find her.”

“What?!” His brothers exclaimed, both looking at their old brother as if he had gone mad. Tom only nodded and smiled with a new sense of determination before heading off to pack. Sam and Harry both followed him, asking questions but he only assured them it would be fine and closed the door to his room.

He wasn’t sure what he needed. He’d never been anywhere other than the North Pole. It couldn’t be that much different, he thought.

Tom packed what he could think of; candy canes, marshmallows, some spare clothes, a few of Y/n’s letters, a toothbrush and a few other snacks to keep him going.

Tom knew he had to go before anyone could stop him or change his mind so he hugged his brothers goodbye and left a letter at his workstation telling them he was taking a few days off. He knew they wouldn’t be overly joyed and he could get demoted but there was nothing more important than saving someone’s christmas spirit, Samta had said that himself. And Tom wasn’t sure why but to him in that moment you were his priority and he was going to help you.

He hopped onto one of the trains that lead out of the north pole, something that senior elves could use for supply runs. He took a deep breath and watched the snow fall as the train began to move. With one last longing look he waved goodbye to his home and started to reread Y/n’s letters.

~~~~~~

Permanent - @eeyore101247 @geminiparkers @darlingspidey @ameelia @calltothewild @parkerpeter24 @rebekkah4766 @peaches-parker @tom-hlover @parker-hollandx @call-me-baby-gir1 @cosmicvibecheck @outshineallthestars @theliterarymess

Tom Holland ~ @teen--marvel @musicalkeys @spideyspeaches

[thebluelemontree]

On a reread of Sansa V of GOT, this really stuck out to me when Joffrey asked the Hound to recount him calling Robb the lord of the wooden sword and the Hound replies with; "Did I? I don't recall." This is in front of Sansa on the parapets with the heads on the wall. The same chapter Sandor tells Sansa to give Joff what he wants. He is going against his own advice here, isn't he? Is he emulating her defiance? Or just trying to not be a cause of distress to Sansa? (Love your posts) -Tyler

Last ask was from Sansa VI. Apologies

Yes, he's emulating her defiance. Apologies in advance, but I really love this chapter, so I need to talk about what leads to that moment at some length. 

"Save yourself some pain, girl, and give him what he wants."

"What … what does he want? Please, tell me."

"He wants you to smile and smell sweet and be his lady love," the Hound rasped. "He wants to hear you recite all your pretty little words the way the septa taught you. He wants you to love him … and fear him." 

Sandor advising Sansa to appease Joffrey probably is a glimpse of how he coped while living with his abuser. We know that even before his disfigurement, six-year-old Sandor was already terrified of Gregor. At that age, one can imagine there was little he could do against his brother except steer clear of him and give him whatever he wants. Remember, Sandor's face was held to the fire precisely because he rebelled against the unspoken house rules. He dared to take something that belonged to Gregor, even though Gregor didn't want it or care about it. He learned that any attempt at agency would only provoke the abuser into brutal retaliation. Not that this justifies Gregor's response to Sandor playing with the toy, but it does explain Sandor's reasoning behind his advice. In the passages that came just before, he saw that defiant streak in Sansa when she told Joffrey she hated him, and she was struck for it.  

He doesn't want her already terrible situation to worsen, so he's advising her to be loving, soft-spoken, beautiful, and accomodating. She needs to be vigilant over Joffrey's moods and never displease him with her behavior or appearance; however, Joffrey also needs to see that Sansa fears him so that he can feel in control. If Joffrey feels like he's already broken her and won, he might be satisfied with that and decide not to beat her. Now obviously, Joffrey is always going to be violent and cruel no matter what Sansa does. And I think Sandor knows that most of it will be unavoidable because he says "some pain," not all pain; however, it's the best advice he can give from one domestic violence victim to another. 

Sansa's response to Sandor's advice shows that she does take it to heart but also manages to express her defiance while doing so.  

“After he was gone, Sansa sank back onto the rushes, staring at the wall until two of her bedmaids crept timidly into the chamber. "I will need hot water for my bath, please," she told them, "and perfume, and some powder to hide this bruise." The right side of her face was swollen and beginning to ache, but she knew Joffrey would want her to be beautiful.”

She does not mince words with the maids. She very matter-of-factly points out the bruise the king put on her. The powder is just a show for Joffrey, but she isn't seriously attempting to cover up what he did, nor is she cowered by shame. And she knows those maids report back to the queen, so she is indirectly telling Cersei, "look at what your son did." She's throwing that shame and disgrace back on her captors. It's also very poignant that the evidence of her abuse is right there on her face. She's not pretending it was an accident or making any secret of who did it. Just another way that Sandor's backstory might be influencing her actions at this moment.  

The hot water made her think of Winterfell, and she took strength from that. She had not washed since the day her father died, and she was startled at how filthy the water became. Her maids sluiced the blood off her face, scrubbed the dirt from her back, washed her hair and brushed it out until it sprang back in thick auburn curls. Sansa did not speak to them, except to give them commands; they were Lannister servants, not her own, and she did not trust them. When the time came to dress, she chose the green silk gown that she had worn to the tourney. She recalled how gallant Joff had been to her that night at the feast. Perhaps it would make him remember as well, and treat her more gently.

 (I'll come back to this dress later.) There is an intense conflict within Sansa as she tries to put Sandor's advice into practice. In private, she can thoughtfully work out how to appeal to Joffrey's sense of nobility (at least the appearance of) and hopefully get him to flex power through mercy rather than cruelty. She still has her pride and her anger, though. When in the presence of her abusers, her desire to lash out at them in equal measure is barely containable. Reclaiming her dignity and avenging her family is in a constant tug-o-war with her will to survive and the advice she tries to follow.  

Joffrey does not make this any easier, because later this same chapter, he goes hard antagonizing her.  He hurls insults and death threats. Mortifies her with talk of her menstruation, and getting her pregnant. The coup de grâce he's hoping for is to see her crumble before the heads of her father and Septa Mordane; however, through sheer strength of will, Sansa manages to push through her terror and tame it. Her obedience to the order becomes defiance as she stares at the unrecognizable faces, separating them from the people they used to be. "He can make me look at the heads, she told herself, but he can't make me see them." The absolute stone-faced badassery of asking Joffrey, "how long do I have to look?" as if she could do this all day without flinching would never be lost on Sandor, who is silently watching this whole interaction. He's not just moved by her suffering, in my opinion. It's her grit, her audacity, and courage under fire.  

To his massive disappointment, Joffrey isn't getting the satisfaction of her crying and pleading. So then he turns on Robb, her only hope for freedom at that point, which brings us to Sandor's act of defiance. 

Remember the green dress and Sansa's purpose for wearing it? It's clearly not Joffrey who is inspired to behave more nobly or gently toward the wearer here. It's Sandor. Sansa wore that dress the night she responded to his secret and his boorish behavior with courage and compassion that he didn't deserve from the way he was scaring her. If the dress could trigger anyone's memory, it's Sandor's. So how can he do any less than aspire to her example? 

"I remember your brother from Winterfell. My dog called him the lord of the wooden sword. Didn't you, dog?"

"Did I?" the Hound replied. "I don't recall."

Sandor is answering Joffrey's question, just not in the way Joffrey was hoping. He is modeling his response after hers. It's not just an act of defiance but solidarity with Sansa. This chapter shows some of the first cracks in Sandor's loyalty to the Lannisters. It's even better Joffrey is just too dim to realize that Sandor is deliberately taking the wind out of his sails. There's probably a twinge of regret in there too for taking lame, immature digs at Robb, and having it brought up again at this particular moment. BTW, I covered the scene that immediately follows here and Sandor's response to that. 

Thanks, Tyler. Sorry it took me so long to answer.  

[bookofmirth]

What I have a hard time with is that no one aside from Feyre knows Mor is bisexual or prefers female company over male company? Cause these people have been together for over 500 years. I get Mor is like perpetually in the closet and has probably perfected the art of hiding who she is, but if we don’t get a snippet in the new book that Cass *knows* then I will rage.

Like I can understand if it’s an unspoken rule to not talk about it until Mor is ready, but if they all genuinely don’t know I’m gonna lose my mind. Like Eris knows the truth, but her family for 500 years has no clue? But if this is the case it begs the question about why Az seems to be pining away for Mor which in turn pushes her into self destructive actions. As the other anon, I too have a theory and it’s that Az knows Mor is queer and doesn’t hate her for it.

1. Az is a shadowsinger who spies on people for a living. I have to assume he’s used this ability in the past, especially during The War when separated from the inner circle, to verify everyone is still alive and fighting. We know Mor had a relationship with a human woman/queen. I find it hard to believe that Az also wasn’t aware of this. His shadows constantly whisper to him, but I’m supposed to believe they never whispered about Mor?

2. We see everything from Feyre’s pov and either she totally missed the point of Mor’s feelings for Az in ACOMAF or SJM changed her mind completely when writing ACOWAR. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt and say making Mor queer was always the plan and SJM purposely mislead us all because she has further plans for the reveal. So if we were led astray about Mor’s feelings who is to say we aren’t also being led astray about Az’s?

3. Az has never outright said he’s in love with Mor. We’ve had other characters claim he is, Mor said he was about to tell her one time centuries ago and she pretty much begged him not to say anything, he becomes sullen and quiet when Mor “pushes him away” and hooks up with men in front of him, he has violent outbursts when we’ve seen Eris taunting Mor.

My theory is Az has been aware at least since The War about Mor’s sexual identity. I think his depression after she hooks up with men is about her being self destructive instead of admitting the truth. I think he went into a violent outburst about Eris because he taunts Mor with her truth and Az will not have her agency taken from her again. I think Az has tried to confront Mor about her secret before, maybe that was even the “I’m in love with you” confession Mor did everything she could to keep him from saying, and every time he comes close she pulls away and hooks up with a male.

I’m not saying he was never in love with her, that when they first met he didn’t immediately fall in love with this sunshine of a girl, but I think 500 years of companionship and loyalty outweighs childhood feelings. I’m hoping beyond hope that when Mor finally reveals her truth (and I truly hope she does and it’s not stolen from her) Az will admit to knowing and loving his best friend and being happy she’s finally free to be herself.

Tbh I haven’t re-read ACOMAF/ACOWAR in a long while so I may be misremembering things so if any of my “evidence” doesn’t hold up with my theory please poke the largest of holes lol.

OKay yes, this is one big side note that acosf NEEDS TO ADDRESS. 

SOMEONS has to know. CASSIAN has to know. If none of the inner circle know then we will truly know that they all share ONE BRAINCELL and that SOMEONE LOST IT. 

Then again, maybe Eris knows because Mor was young and naive, and now she’s more guarded? Although still. Someone in the IC knows. And hopefully in this book we will find that out because this is getting ridiculous.

Okay re: whether sjm planned Mor coming out or not, I wonder if it’s just... poor writing of a queer person on the part of a het person. Because I can see her thinking “this person is queer but no one knows, so I’ll hide it”, and the way to hide being queer to a straight person is to... act like a straight person???? Which no, there are other ways to be. But if that’s what sjm thought she had to do in order to “hide” the queerness for the big reveal, then it makes sense that there aren’t hints. She just was writing Mor as default straight. This doesn’t put sjm in a good light lol 

I do like your idea of Az being mad because he didn’t want Mor’s coming out agency taken away. That makes me feel better about him, even if it still made her uncomfortable. I forgot about him being close to saying and her pushing him away, I need to reread for that. It’s been a while for me, too. 

But back to people knowing about Mor:

WHAT IF LOL what nessian are chatting one day and Mor comes up. Nesta says “yeah she’s gay”, and Cassian has to pretend he is shook until finally he’s like “yeah, but don’t say anything”, and Nesta’s like “who tf would I tell, I don’t talk to anyone else.”

[icharchivist]

Hi same nonny as usual haha! You asked for my thoughts on the spring troupe so now that I've finished the summer troupe debut I'm going to knock out two birds with one stone! I liked summer troupe a lot more then spring troupe. Not that I didn't like spring troupe! I just think that they didn't really communicate with each other?

The only reason why sakuyas issue with swordfighting was resolved was because masumi happened to be eavesdropping on a convo with the director, and why someone knew about itarus injury was because of citron noticing. I'm not saying there was no communication at all these two issues just. Bothered me so much the swordfighting one a lot more then the injury. The thing that bothers me about the injury is that itaru wasn't like. Told off for not telling anyone about his injury. Cause he could have seriously damaged his foot or something. I get that in the future there's probably going to be character development for itaru that lets him open up more to his troupemates. The swordfighting one just felt like a cop out to have a "moment" between sakuya and the director instead of having sakuya discuss that stuff with his troupe (which, bleh do not care for the characters flirting with the director at all. wish it wasn't there but I get why they do it.)

Despite my griping I did really enjoy spring troupe! They were fun! They just felt less trusting of each other then summer troupe at the end of day. And I get that char Dev will prob happen bout that but still haha. That's my thoughts on spring troupe! I could just be horribly misremembering the entire episode but oh well!

I know I said I'd also do summer troupe in this ask but it's already horribly long and I'm writing this on my phone. I'll get to that later. Thanks for reading my rambling that has not been proofread at all or edited. Hopefully it makes some sense hahaha. Thanks for introducing me to a3 it's tons of fun.

aaahh thanks for sharing!!!

honestly i kinda get where you’re coming from. I really love Spring, but it’s especially now in insight of their development. On first read, i think the thing especially was that the chapter was more about setting up some of the most major issues of the universe (the debts, the way  to arrange themselves in that new environment ect..) that therefore the characters issues may be not as focused as the others chapters?

(also for character flirting with MC there will be only 2 in main stories that do that a lot, one of which is Masumi, and the other isn’t much flirting as just hopelessly in love. Not much we can do about it but honestly once you move on from spring if this really holds you down, it will ease off at least, even if there’s a few thingss here and there stil)

Summer was the moment i really fell in love with the game, i really, really adore Summer’s dynamic and it was just. so good to go through.

As for the things you bring up about Spring, on one hand on first read i think i get you, but yeaaaah in insight of all we learn about the characters, it’s really not that far fetched ahah.

For Sakuya imo it’s really just that he freaked out because of his abandon issues and i don’t really see him discussing it with Spring yet at this point? Like. Sakuya is terrified of not being good enough and being abandoned as a result, like all of his relatives ever did. So he tries to compensate. When Masumi just brought up that they’ll just replace him, i don’t find it far fetched that Sakuya freaked out about it and failed to explain it to Masumi at the time. 

Those very same issues also lead Sakuya to hold on everything bad ever to himself. The reason he opens up to Izumi, more than her just coming to him there, is that she already proved before that she wasn’t willing to abandon him, if only by how she took up the theater because of his passion to start with. And, just, timingwise. 

And i think Sakuya wouldn’t have taken reassurances from his others troupesmates who have already made clear they believed in him, because i think Sakuya would be more crushed with the idea that they’re just being polite and kind with him. Because he knows he’s failing and the others’s way to reassure him would probably have made it worse. He needed reassurance 1) from the director who at this point has already started to be giving more constructive critisms, 2) Masumi, who’s the one who caused those insecurities by the fact he doesn’t hold back. But i don’t see him reach of to Masumi with how hostile Masumi has been to everyone up until that point. (i have more thoughts but that’d be me overreading it too but dKJFDLKF a3 makes my brain go brr)

As for Masumi, this kid has serious communication issues (only child with no friends and no parents around? oof) and i don’t think he would have reached out to Sakuya or even figured something was wrong otherwise.

Are those just easy way out for the writers? maybe, but that’s just how writing is isn’t it? if you want to make even some “artificial” conflict, you need to make it believable why this conflict exist even in the first place. 

Honestly the swordfighting issue doesn’t strike like that to me, and those are all about things that are shown in the Spring chapter itself, but i suppose since i also know those things are expended on, it does add a layer of “this was made with depth for their characters in mind” imo.

Also i think if Masumi hadn’t eardropped, Izumi would have talked to him about it, being the mediator and all of that, and i think Masumi would have understood then. I don’t think Masumi was unwilling to understand, but that he lacked the groundwork to understand it. and we mostly were spared from having to repeat the scene with Izumi telling him about it.

Idk if i see Sakuya managing to tell it to Masumi even after this talk? I think Sakuya is the kind to take all of his pain in silence and assume responsibilities for everything that goes wrong, and i don’t think he would have felt comfortable opening up with that, especially since, as he tells Izumi, he genuinely feels like *he’s* the failure about it (and as Izumi tells him, it’s not his fault if others people don’t try either. Sakuya was made to believe that he had to take full responsibility when a relationship doesn’t work because of his relatives, and i think he was set on doing the same with this Massu’s situation, and the reason he could share it with Izumi is because she’s not the person he’s taking responsibility for). On top of that, Sakuya remains Masumi’s elder, and Sakuya does want to be someone people rely on - he wants to be a big brother figure, and i think he wouldn’t have wanted or known how much of this responsibility he could share with Masumi knowing that. And i don’t think it’s healthy! but it’s perfectly understandable from Sakuya’s perspective and the specific way he shoulders responsibilities because i will fistfight his family his family sucked.

As for Itaru, on this one we only got the reveals about how deep this lack of trust Itaru had for people ran only recently, so imo early on you just need to take it at face value and hope when you get to know more, it’ll click. Realizing he doesn’t want to be alone anymore and wants to be more with Spring is a turning point from this set up about him, so he can only develop from here.

For why no one really told him off about it, i guess i can understand the grip ahah. imo i think everyone worried already enough that he was talking about leaving the company this was the priority to discuss and i do think talking about his ankle at that point may have not worked with the pacing of the emotional moment. I wouldn’t have minded seeing some of them being more worried about it in general though.

In the end the thing with Spring is that aside from Tsuzuru, they are all people who come from background where communication isn’t their forte. Sakuya fears he’s never good enough, Masumi never even had to face how lonely his life had made him until now (and i think he specifically lashes on the director because it’s the first time he feels like he wants a connection with anyone in his life and he doesn’t know what to do with it. I find his obsession creepy imo but i also see where it’s coming from), Itaru has severe trust issues and rather be solo in general, and Citron hides a lot about himself.

and i think, we have Tsuzuru has never been really alone ever, and he takes a lot of responsibility, (though there’s a few things about his background we learn later that shows he still has similar struggles than the rest of his troupe regarding some.. broken connection, which he vagues at in the Spring chapter (... which is something i only noticed on my reread knowing that so i wouldn’t blame you for not catching it))  but he’s also trying to do things for himself for once in his life. Ultimately he knows how to communicate more in general but he has that going on for him, and especially, i think his way to communicate or connect may be too foreign for the rest of the troupe for a smooth connection off the bat.

All of them are trying to connect in their own ways coming from those complicated feelings they have about connection imo... and i do find it fascinating. 

I see Spring a lot like, the kids who had to grow up too fast and the adults who are unhappy with where their adult lives have taken them and the expectations pushed upon them who yet are trying to cope on their own mostly because they have reasons to feel unsafe otherwise. (Tsuzuru is a bit in between imo bc he’s not “unsafe” yet and he’s already taking himself back in hands with the expectations things, but anyway, i am. trying to keep it short, believe it or not) And they’re still navigating where that leaves them as people, and where that leaves them in their connection with others, and especially with each other because in the end they’re all yearning to connect especially with one another, and just don’t know how to reconcile this desire with who they have been all this time to cope through all of this.

All of this is present in the Spring intro chapter but ^^” i could imagine that without having the full picture those aren’t things that may be easily picked up as important for their characterizations. But honestly there’s a throve of details in the writing to flesh them out when you know where to look and i find it fascinating. (but also i like. relived this chapter 5 times, 4 of which after i’ve seen most of their development, and my first read is so long ago i think i just overthink everything DLKJFDLKF and like, Spring was one of my least favorite at first read bc i struggled to connect with them, so it’s not like i don’t get you, it’s just. nowadays, spring is care spring is love and i cry over their intro chap a lot.)

Anyway i guess i get what you felt still, but, idk maybe i feel strongly about it ahah, i like the way the characters stand out from one another even in the moments that are probably just.. stupid, but in a “they wouldn’t know how to do better because of what’s holding them back” way.

i feel like “lack of communication” is a problem every troupe have to various degree and for different reasons, but the whole thing is about trying to figure out how to fix that and work it with them. Some are more forward than others (like, Summer, mostly because Tenma and Yuki are stubborn and loud and straightforward in their own way)(”than others” i have so much to say about this i’m holding back dLKFJD) but i think it depends also a lot on some thematic it wants to tackle and the spirit of the characters in each troupe. It changes as the story progresses but yeah after all, they are all strangers. And while the game mentions they have a few months to prepare for their play, it was reckoned that every play takes one month to prepare, so it doesn’t really give a lot of time on their first play to really figure out everything they need to work on.

Spring, in essence, as a season, is about blooming back after Winter, after sadness and hardship, and learning how to slowly open up again. So imo their intro chap have to reflect that slow progress for them. While Summer can afford to be more loud, straight to the point (and even there it’s not always easy), Summer is full of learning from their mistake, living in the Now, in the Moment. So their season thematic reflects a bit in their intro chap at least. (ofc they all grow from there though but that’s still interesting imo).

anyway i rambled LDFJDLKFJFDLK

I didn’t mean it in a way to say your reading is invalid though!! sorry if it feels that way, i’ve tried rewriting it a few times DLKFJDLFK i just have a lot of emotions about Spring and the points you mentioned made me think about some stuff about it. 

ANYWAY

if you want to share your thoughts about summer too and the rest you’re always welcomed o7 i’m glad you’re still enjoying your stay, and i hope you’ll keep enjoying the ride!

And Take care!

[catcze]

Oh, Catte, my beloved... The bracelet is so beautiful. Goodness, did I cry when I took it out of the envelope. It's almost as beautiful as you are, I love it so much! I'm never ever taking this off. Oh starlight I'm so happy, you may as well have just proposed! I love you so so much, thank you💜💜💜

I'm glad Cyno is doing well for himself these days! It's not really that complex of a spell, simple transmutation really, but I'm sure he didn't want to overwhelm you. He may not talk a lot but trust me; he cares. I should write him sometime, if only so the next time an emergency arises he won't think I only remember he exists when I need his help, hehe... I'm joking of course, he's not the kind of person to care. I do still owe him a favor though. Two, now that he's gone out of his way to teach my girlfriend magic, and specifically for helping you make me this wonderful present. Send along my thanks please, but please don't mention that I said I'd write him, just in case I somehow forget to. You know me, heh..

Also I'm a little surprised to hear that name again! Collei was quite the visitor when she was here a few years ago, it's a long story, and one I doubt very much she'd want me to tell. Suffice to say she and Amber are good friends, but I'm sure she already asked you about her as soon as you mentioned Mondstadt. I'm so relieved to hear she's safe, and studying medicine no less! Tell her I'm proud of her. She'll do great things in her life.

I must admit I'm slightly bothered to hear that so many scholars accosted my poor babygirl to ask if I'd return, I'm so sorry darling. If they give you any more trouble, oh I'll come visit alright. To dispense punishment(although I'd definitely grab some food on the way as we left). Speaking of food, that's so sweet of you to offer to learn the local cuisine just for me~ you're so thoughtful, it's one of the many many things I love about you. My reputation around the school is honestly the only accomplishment you'll find though sweetheart. I wasn't really all that social there, aside from talking to the professors and scholars. I couldn't afford to procrastinate if I wanted to learn everything I could. Funny, that sounds completely unlike me, now doesn't it~ Those lectures can be tiresome at first, did they provide you with the appropriate reading materials, or are you only listening? I still have my copy of the first semester alchemy textbook--it's only about 800 pages, but they're packed to the brim with knowledge. I still reference it sometimes.

Like I mentioned though, most of my time in Sumeru was spent at the Academy or at the local restaurants. If you wanted food recommendations, those I can provide, but unfortunately I won't be of much use otherwise. Sorry cutie~

[the next page of the letter is a list of local restaurants, many with recommended dishes written next to them. There's also a fair number of heart shapes and "I love you"s doodled around the edges of the paper]

I hope you'll try at least some of those and tell me what you think. The more you talk about it honestly, the more it's beginning to grow on me. I do want to go back and visit with you, my love. I miss it, even if I don't want to admit that. It would be so much fun to sight see with you, being able to just meander aimlessly through the city, not a care in the world, and with you by my side... That sounds amazing. I'd want nothing more. Perhaps for our honeymoon~? [the last sentence of the paragraph is crossed out with a single streak of ink cutting through it]

Your photos are all amazing, darling. I just wish I had as many to send you in return, but unfortunately I don't own a camera, nor can I afford to leave the library long enough to travel to Liyue and buy one. That being said, Albedo does have one, and he already took that first photo. Darling, I'm curious, and please, *please* say no if it would bother you even slightly. If I... Perhaps wanted to take some... Pictures, just for your enjoyment~ ...would you mind if I had Albedo continue to serve as the photographer? I want my baby to be thinking of me, especially since I'm not there to pleasure you myself~💜 again, PLEASE say no if you'd have any problem with that. Or I could ask Jean if that would be better. I just want to treat my princess to some candy~

That line is going to have me up all night, I swear. I do wish I was there for you in every sense, but goodness does my heart ache for you. I miss the way you taste so much, my precious little munchkin~ you're not going to sleep at all the first night you're back in my arms, I hope you know that. I'm going to edge you so hard you'll cry for me, hehe~ I'm a little peeved you didn't take notice of my comment about punishing you! There will be ropes involved when you return to me. Just the way you always like it, cutie~ tell me, how bad do you miss me? Miss my tongue you love so much~? Don't worry baby--you'll get everything you could ever want for when you come home. I can't wait to taste you~ goodness, excuse me a moment baby... I need to scratch an itch before I finish writing this letter, hehe...~

Okay, I'm back. That was quite the itch, it just kept coming back~ that picture you sent with this letter may have helped with that... Celestia, you're so so beautiful, my rose..~ I love you so much.

Where was I... Ah yes. I'm very glad you've been eating and sleeping properly. Such a good girl you always are~💜 and don't worry; I'm taking care of myself as well. I've been becoming more adjusted to the late nights lately, since your letters often arrive around this hour(it's 11:30 right now, although up until a page ago it had been 10:15, hehe...). I don't mind it at all, since you know I love to sleep in anyway. I love reading your letters sweetheart. They truly do carry your love across the distance. I'm so happy that you're my partner. I love you so so much. I reread your letters every day, they put such a smile on my face.

Also, what's this about ideas you're having ever since I mentioned the uniform? Tell me!! Pretty please~? 💜

I'm going to call my letter to a close here, before I end up needing a bigger envelope, hehe~ I love you so much, starlight. Please take care, and I hope you're well rested when you read this. Hopefully I can put a smile on your beautiful face. I just wish I was there to see it. I love you so much, take care and write me back when you can, promise~?

Yours Always,

- Lisa 🌺💜

Milddd nsfw here muaH <33

Hi, love, I’m so happy that you like your gift! I love you very much as well— hopefully it can give you comfort on some particularly hard nights where I cannot be with you, dearest. Sort of like a reminder that although I cannot be there with you in person, you always carry a piece of my heart with you, you know?

I’ll be sure to relay your message to Cyno and Collei! They were rather surprised when they found out I was your girlfriend, haha! In a good way, of course— they’ve been great company so far.

And don’t worry about the other scholars, Lisa dear. I can handle them plenty fine. I’m sure they’ll go running if I even so much as imply that you wouldn’t be pleased with them for their behavior, my love. They wouldn’t want to mess with one of the best sorcerers to ever roam those halls, you know?

Regarding the lectures, they offered to loan me some textbooks actually, but I had to turn them down since, well, I am just an observer, and carrying so many books with me to and fro would weigh me down. Still, although I sometimes get confused while I observe, It’s such a fun and interesting experience! I can’t say I’m remembering every bit of knowledge I hear, but I’ve definitely learned at least a thing or two.

Just yesterday, there was a bit of a lull in lectures that I was attending— something about one of the scholars who had agreed to host me taking their class out to fieldwork, and I was unable to accompany them. So I took the time to check out some of the restaurants you listed for me! I went to just one of them for lunch, since I didn’t want to get too full throughout the day, and I enjoyed it very much!! I included a picture of one of the dishes you noted for me (a best seller of theirs, apparently) and I didn’t regret purchasing it at all. It was so good! In my free time, it’s one of the recipes that I hope to familiarize and bring back home to you— I think you’ll rather like it, especially since there’s no meat. Hopefully I’ll get good enough at making it that you’ll be able to savor the flavor too!

Though, I don’t mind either if you’d rather return with me next time, and we can have a dinner date here? I really like the ambiance of the place— its both romantic and private. And the view from the balcony here is absolutely magical. Or we can maybe visit a couple of the other restaurants you’ve recommended to me? I doubt that I’ll be able to try all of them this time, and being able to experience it with you would make the experience a million times better.

Also, regarding the photos you mentioned— well, I’m fine with it if you are. As long as you’re comfortable with whoever is photographing you love, then it’s perfectly alright with me. Besides, I know that we’re devoted to each other, so there’s no cause for me to be uncomfortable 💞 If you so wish to grant me such photos, I eagerly await them, love! They’re not the same as you being here, of course, but I’m sure they could help me with how much I miss you.

And ah, sending such things only makes me miss you more! Perhaps I should take a good, long rest before I come back to Mondstadt, if you plan to keep me up all night. And who says I didn’t notice your comment? Perhaps I was just teasing you by keeping quiet about it, especially if I know what’s awaiting me back home. And yes, I miss you so so much, I miss your tongue and you lips, your touch on my skin, the way you hold me and make me feel so good each and every time— Love, really, if your intention with that letter was to get me all worked up, then safe to say you’ve succeeded. My, I doubt I’m going to be getting any sleep tonight, thinking of you.

And regarding that bit about the Academy uniform… well, I might have found a local seamstress who was willing to make me a version of it, tailored to my measurements. It’s not ready quite yet, but hopefully I can send you some photographs soon 💞

By the way, love, there’s no need to have to wait up for my letters, not if you’re not getting enough sleep! I don’t mind waiting a bit for your reply as long as I know you’re sleeping on time. I worry about you as much as you worry about me, so for both your sake and mine, promise me you’ll get enough sleep? Either way, though, I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself, dearest. It makes me happy, knowing that you and the others are doing well. I love you very, very much you know? Please continue to stay safe, dearest, and know that I’m always missing you.

And, well, regarding a proper proposal, though I can’t say I haven’t thought of it before (how could I not? I can fully envision spending the rest of my life with you) I would much prefer if I were able to give you the ring and ask you in person, love. That being said, take the bracelet as a promise that I’ll return to you soon— and hopefully with a ring that I think you’ll like and a question that I plan to ask you.

All the best wishes, dearest. I love you very much 💞

—Catte 💞