#hopefully my appt on wed fixes me

[a-leg-without-fear]

i present my daredevil OC, Cassie Clay! i’ll most likely make a whole post about her, details about her backstory and powers, etc. also, a little matt thrown in there for flavor

i may be doing a lot of digital art in the near future until i can get my pain sorted out. thank you all so much for your support and love for matthew murdock :)

[talanarende]

So I'm having something of a health crisis, on top of the chronic pain that I normally have. In early Nov, right after my bday I started having much higher pain levels for no apparent reason, higher and a different kind of pain than I ever had before - burning/stabbing pain completely different from arthritis in all my joints, especially hips and knees, muscle cramps from my pelvis down to my knees and constantly flaring sciatica. I figured it was just a temporary flareup as I tend to have now and then, but it never went away.

I kept having level 8 pain all day every day, even with meds. my pain dr increased the dosage of tramadol I was taking when I saw her at the end of January, - I wanted to increase the Lyrica too, to help combat the nerve pain, but she didn't want to make more than one change at a time.

So that was slightly better, but only a little. Then on Feb 5th I collapsed at home and my legs just...suddenly stopped working. I was sitting on the couch in my usual spot when I had to go to the bathroom, so I stood up and immediately crumpled, I fell and literally could not get up. I could barely crawl, and wasn't able to pull myself up on anything as my legs couldn't bear my weight at all. I waited a few hours but it didn't go away, just kept getting worse, and my roommate finally called the ambulance.

In the ER they found I had pretty severe rhabdomyolosis, in a blood test my muscle enzyme count was 11,000 - way off the charts, normal is 200-250. they did some xrays and CT scan, and later an MRI which showed I have a bulging disc which is causing at least some of the pain and weakness, between the slipped disc and some stenosis it's putting a lot of pressure on the nerves there. they had me start working with PT, but I was in so much pain I could hardly move, and having muscle cramps in my thighs and the backs of my knees whenever I tried to stand. they gave me a muscle relaxant which helped with the cramps, and a steroid injection in my back the day before I was discharged to rehab, but it made things worse instead of better. I never actually hit level 10 pain before this, but I have now and let me tell you, it is not fun.

I was in the hospital for just over a week, released to rehab last Thursday (a week ago). things are going very slow and rough right now - I'm okayish, pain level about 6-7 when I am lying down or sitting still, but still about a 9 when standing or walking, so I can't really make much progress until they fix my meds.... in the hospital they cut my tramadol dosage in half for no apparent reason and wouldn't fix it even though there was an existing script for 8 tablets per day.

I also had been taking the Lyrica for anxiety more than pain, but they think the rhabdomyolysis was caused by a rare reaction to Lyrica, so I can't take it anymore. switching back to gabapentin means much better sciatica control but it does very little for the anxiety, regardless of the dosage. instead of helping find an alternative for the anxiety, the hospital changed my antidepressant from Cymbalta to Zoloft, again for no apparent reason. the only thing I'm taking now for anxiety is clonodine, and it's at max dosage.

l did see my regular psych nurse who handles my mental health meds yesterday and she decided to leave me on zoloft for now. she was also able to put me back on gabapentin, not for my levels of pain but for anxiety. so that (gabapentin) is still a half dosage too, but it's better than nothing.

once I finally got ahold of my pain dr and let them know that I was in the hospital and heading to rehab, unable to take Lyrica anymore, my dr decided to keep me on the same dosage of tramadol but the rehab centre refuses to give it to me as written - my dr said i could take 3 in the morning, 3 at night, and 2 in the afternoon, but rehab insists on dispensing it as 2 every 6 hrs, which is WAY less effective, and I told them so.

but apparently they can't fix anything else without written orders from the dr and the dr can't do that until they see me again - I have an appt on the 27th, and then can straighten out the remaining issues with the dosages, but in the meantime I'm making very little progress in PT, and wont really be able to make more until the pain is less.

when I stand, there is an explosion of pain at the site of the slipped disc/injection which radiates briefly to each side of my lower back, then up my spine and down my legs, a sharp burning.

when I then go to take a step and try walking with the walker (because I can't even put any weight on my legs, too weak, they buckle with excruciating pain), every step feels like an ice pick stabbing at the base of my spine, even though I'm barely picking my feet up.

so none of that can begin to be resolved until my appt on the 27th, and in the meantime they are completely wasting their time getting me to do small, incremental things that both hurt and have no effect, nothing really will until my pain levels come down.

so I'm hanging in there, but frustrated - and I need to call medicaid today and make sure they know I'm in rehab and likely will be for the foreseeable future, make sure they have it covered. the last thing I need is more medical bills when I have no income or savings and couldn't possibly make any payments.

as far as the slipped disc and pinched nerves there, there is only so much meds can do, and I may need surgery. I have an appt with a surgeon in Butte on Monday to evaluate that, seeing my regular GP on Weds and an appt with my pain dr in Great Falls on Thurs, so hopefully in the meantime it won't be too bad.

I haven't been able to write or even read much, brain's too crowded with anxiety about what is happening to me - worst case scenario, I could be permanently stuck in a wheelchair now, even surgery might not help. we can't tell at this point how much of the pain and weakness is from the sciatica and the rhabdo, and how much is because of the slipped disc and stenosis. depending on the true source of the problems, physical therapy can only do so much to restoring function either, so.... we just don't know yet how much mobility I'll be able to get back, if any.

so we'll see what happens! cross all your fingers and such 😒💜❤️