#hopefully it wont be too stressful
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Today I found out that X-Box store not only has cute Pentiment t-shirts, BUT also "Tell Me Why" merchandise!
Can't say that Tell Me Why was my favorite game from Dontnod, BUT it was a solid game (especially in comparison to LiS:True Colors which was very underwhelming). I also appreciated both the trans protagonists and twins representation. Plus, this kind of artsy designs for video game shirts is exactly what I love.
And since I was buying from the store anyway, also got the Obsidian planet sweater. It's supposedly LGBT pride merchandise, but it's so understated that I can wear it pretty stealth.
#AND it's supposed to be delivered ultra soon#so hype#sonntam talks#lets hope i wont have to go through customs office again to get it#but then again my sis already learned how to pay for that online#hopefully it wont be too stressful#and i really want to buy poe merch...#well i guess once the 1st person game comes out then i can splurge on that
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i finished writing the vlad/brie backstory reprisal less than 2 weeks ago and i have already finished editing the first 100 pages. im telling you guys im trying so hard to finish this quickly 🤒
#i want the writing to be completely done and the first few screenshots to be edited so that i can begin posting dec 31st#aka vlads birthday lol#hopefully i can finish before then but i wont stress myself out if i dont finish it. the fact that its so close to being done at all is#super exciting. i'll finally be able to post it soon regardless!!#ive had too much fun writing this silly story i really hope u guys have fun reading it <3#this story is my brain child. my passion project. literally cannot wait to share it with yall :3
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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so anxious today for literally no reason 🤨
#well there is a reason its bc i havent slept enough so my meds are working kinda wonky. they can only amplify whats already there#so if im rly tired they just make me feel jittery asf. my heart rate is too high for just sitting in the lab blegh#but im lone working today on a process im familiar w + my manager isnt in to disturb me so absolutely nothing to be stressed abt#ill put an audiobook or smth on to focus n hopefully thatll iron my brain out#.diaries#hoping i feel better after lunch cuz if im still this rough i wont be able to climb tn auourghh..#lets just see how it goes...
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busy day i have to do laundry and get ready go to work and then get back to my place and pack a bag to go catsit lol
#AND MY FLOOR IS STILL GONE . i feel bad for leaving jubi here in this state but me and my gf will visit/feed her and hopefully ahe wont get#too stressed by maintenance 😞
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(Possibly last) Sticker update:
This morning I just paid toll for the original stickers package after yesterday also changing the address so the postman wont come knocking on the door monday when I am still flailing around in Helsinki.
With that out of the way hopefully this means I will have the last bit of homemade merch on monday.
Ngl I am a bit grumpy about this whole experience. Sure, I could've chosen not to add keyrings to the order thereby making it more complicated and expensive. At the same time having the order miss me by one day (for the Helsinki concert) is annoying me to no end.
So after this weekend I'll have 100 Helsinki stickers I don't know what to do with. I will keep one of them myself and put at least one each for the little bundles I want to make for the JO guys (if by chance I can meet them) but that still leaves 90+ stickers.
I could take them with me to Malmö or Böle and ask if somebody by chance was at Helsinki as well and want a sticker ... although the chances are they might have gotten a sticker anyways :'D
I could try to sell them like I've already planned to do with the extra keychains and yet I am not sure if that is foolish given there's a date on the sticker and so ruins the whole purpose of the sticker :'D
Idk, if you have any ideas what I could do feel free to let me know :'D
I will try to shelf my annoyance and just focus on the upcoming exciting weekend for now :'D
#these freaking stickers and keychains has (almost) cost the same as my most expensive tattoo#I am so good at making financial choices#it was an expensive lesson to learn but I think from now on I wont be ordering stickers from the uk or this company#takes way too much time effort stress and money#hopefully the keychains and malmö stickers are worth it#micahs thoughts#micahs foolery
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👀 Gurkle boy is up and about... do you think I'd have to pay for a child's ticket if I brought him? He said he'd behave...
#marquilla#gurkle: pick me up and die bitch.#csn you imagine someone bringing their hermit crab agdgdgdgdg hopefully in a carrier (which i have)#(snooty voice) 'He's and ESA so you can't kick him out.#'ma'am... that's still not a service animal... ESA's aren't. and that's... what service would he perform??'#and gurkle crawls out and pinches him 'security. you're too close.' sgdgdgdggdg#i wouldnt ever bring them anywhere sgdgdgd those fuckers will say theyll behave but they WONT egdggdgdgd#but also bc that would stress the poor things to death
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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Warning warning the universe is collapsing warning warning the universe is collapsing- 🌑
I guess we better enjoy our time while we have it!
#anonymous#ask#ocs#kanna#doodles#kanna wont stress#there's always the next universe!#hopefully we can meet again there too!
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Me: be patient
Also me: *refreshing my email every 20 minutes*
#tomorrow ill be doing dog stuff all day so i wont have the chance god bless 🙏#im also hopefully starting handling classes next week!#which is why i really need to start setting up a store to sell my art#on account of im literally on a 5 month timer before i get kicked out#on a lighter note also hopefully joining a local kennel club so thats cool!#im so stressed genuinely i feel miserable and anxious but alas so it goes.#minimum wage here is reasonable but not really when you consider how much i am paying for gas to drive to work/school/dog stuff#im just very lost. obviously cant work this job forever because it is so physically taxing and inconsistent but i dont have any other -#- options#like how do i begin going about peddling my art? how do i begin building a portfolio?#i HAVE a website but im not even sure what to post#what to write about#etc etc etc#i am a good writer too! i know im a good writer but i just dont know what to write ABOUT#what interests people?#what would people want me to do a deep dive on?#the blessing of being autistic means i love everything about purebred dogs and love doing deep dives on different topics#the curse of being autistic is i can leave no stone unturned and then it becomes overwhelming and i cant put everything into a cohesive -#- piece.#anyway. my situation is not unique but it is to me and the doom and gloom is setting in#apologies if you read this far.
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GUESS WHOS GETTING A NEW JOB WOOOO \^o^/ can leave this awful place lol B)
#getting a barista job :)#itll be like almost half the hours i currently do but 1. the pay is better and 2. i was told i can pick up more shifts so it id still enough#for me to get by with rent and groceries and stuff#and i hopefully wont be constantly frustrated at existence and filled with as much internal dread lol#do think its funny tho cuz the last converstaion i had with my current job was them hassling me about my disability again and now the next#time i see them im gonna be handing in my notice lol. serves them right#does mean i have to have the stress of learning a new job (will cry myself to sleep the first week of a new job lol) but it shoulf be good#once ive got the hang of things and feel less overwhelmed!!#ive always liked the idea of being a barista as well :)#only worked at my current job 2 months and that still feels like too long lmao. people never last very long here from what ive heard tbh#which just goes to show how shit it is#anyway!! a bit nervous but also very relieved
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im a lil embarrassed that most of the posts ive posted (duh) as of late were text posts abt me being sick LMFAO n it feels silly to write this but i think i may log out of this acc for a lil while at least on mobile <3
#not being able to write is making me feel a lil dizzy dizzy#a lil embarrassed a lil 'i do not belong' ya know???#hm yeah i also need to get off my phone bc i start uni next week and i need to wake up early and im soooo stressed bc of another uni thingy#so...i will be deactivating 😔👊#im joking im joking#ofc i wont deactivate i think my shrink would kill me if i did anyway /hj#she was the once that convinced me to make the writing blog#but rn the internet doesnt feel good to me and i need to be more present and more real and prioritise other aspects of my life#i wanna be more stable and journal and move my body and read books bc i like the feeling of the paper and and#i had the sweetest ask ever about my book recs and i was also a lil embarrassed to respond bc im not much of a reader but i try TT#anyway !! aside from this mildly incoherent ramble which i loved writing ngl#i havent been writing a lot and i think ive lowkey un-hyperfixated on tr and jjk so the inspo isnt inspoing#and tbh that feels a lil awful to say bc tr has taught me so many things and helped me grow and im so painfully in love with shin but idk#idk what happened i think i just hit a lil bump in the road of life and the stress has me focused more on real life and other things than#my darling beloveds. and im sure itll pass like most things in life i will feel good again#but rn it doesnt. i havent even caught up with the latest ep of tr :') but nonetheless writing is one of my truest loves as well#so i will comeback hopefully with a few stories mapped out including a lil gojo series and all that fun jazz :D#i have shin naoto izana gojo and toji in store !! and tbh im not ready to just leave them all behind#ANYWAY OKAY this' gone for too long LMFAO but thank u if u read till here i think i needed to rant#that means ill probably be less active than im already am but ill be back !!#still i dont think this exactly qualifies as a hiatus so i wont mark it down as such wait is this a semi-hiatus??? lmfao idk but eh 🤷♀️#i love love love love love yall so so so much and forevever and always will#MWAH#<3
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My hips been acting up latley for the past three days so I might not draw much because of how uncomfortable it's been AUGH I can't even sit comfortably at my desk because of it >:(
#ofc it wont stop me... too stubborn for that#but im probably gonna get it checked out bc its gotten a lil worse#trying not to stress myself out abt it ( i worry abt my hip dislocating on me bc it feels like it wants to- AUGH#but im sure its fine- i just need a second opinion on it by a doctor and hopefully i can figure out whats goin on#im just gonna try to rest today- im rlly bad at doing that but I'll try#even laying down feels uncomfortable tho... but imma try.#brosif rambles
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Me, the other night: "I may be going through a fuck of a life situation, but it could always be worse if I broke a flower pot in the shower again."
Me, today, waking up with a swollen and painful mouth infection:
#im in too much pain to find a better react#im so fucking tired#when will life stop throwing me multiple curveballs?? i dont even know how to juggle!!#im just getting hit in the face with each curveball. and it feels like it today too holy shit#im in the middle of teeth alignments for treating my tmj pain idk how im gonna go thru another root canal#my first root canal was only preceeded by hot/cold sensitivity. it never got swollen or hot#im so exhausted man. at least the regular dentist can see me today and hopefully give me antibiotics#im on immunosuppressants so i was crying this morning like damn im gonna have to go to the er for this i wont survive the weekend#im so upset tho it took me forever to fill my last prescription. so dont jinx it but i might still need to keep that er plan on hold#the good thing ab that tho is my back mri is tomorrow which is at the local er so i can do the mri and walk right over if needed#i just dont understand how this could happen i brush and floss after everything i eat or drink (so at least 3 times a day. thoroughly.)#bad genetics and stress strikes again i guess#vent#Cori.exe#Post.exe#god and i spent the last 2 days stress picking my face too so i look ROUGH right now#everything sucks lol#its right over where my wisdom tooth would have been too so like. way back there. im gonna be drinking soup for weeks#rip coris jaw. never had a chance
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ugh my hearing has been so much worse than usual and it's starting to rly get to me :-(
#was trying not to think abt it too much cuz its probably just a little blockage or middle ear infection#theres no pain or any other symptoms just more muffled hearing#and im very scared of having labyrinthitis again bc that was one of the most awful months of my life. so lets not think abt that#well i have monday off so maybe ill see if i can go to the gp abt it#just. aaaa. i cant even listen to music very well which is stressing me ouuut#oh well what else can i do. ill wear my hearing aids this weekend n hopefully wont it get in the way of hanging w friends#i woke up rly early prolly bc my flatmate was walking around and havent been able to fall back asleep since :-(#ill try again for an hour and then get up n properly start the day..#yech! blegh!#.diaries
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I have a good relationship with my body whatsoever, i really dont want to perish and take my skin off and be someone else!
#im going insane#im going insane yes i want to pluck every part and toss it and bite some skin off and throw it and and everything is wrong and im wrong too#and oh im alone and oh the MIRROR ahahj the mirror my reflection i will break it hopefully ill hurt myself that will be fun#NOT FUN NOT FUN ITD NOT FUN I WONT or maybe i will or not i dont know id be way less stressed thats true#and i could be in abhospital again and forget all ABOUT this yes yes why does it loook like a good idea now nonono
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