#hopefully i get this whole thing done before the next season…but hey i wouldn’t mind the next life series in June | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

221bshrlocked · 4 years

Text

sweaty hands, reluctant hearts

Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin) x Fem!Reader

Words: 13685 (god this wasn’t supposed to be this long I’m actually sorry this time)

Warnings: Angst and Smut (my fav). Hurt/Jealous Mando -> Touch Starved/Rough Mando -> Fluffy Mando -> Shy Mando. Penetrative Sex. Oral Sex. There’s lot’s of sweat because exertion yall. Breeding Kink 😏. Slight Exhibitionism. Overstimulation and slight slight non-con because of oversensitivity. Umm, squirting 🙃. Dirty/Sweet talk. Spanking (ass and hoohaa).

Summary: He never thought the day would come when he’d hear you saying you wanted to leave him. Yes there was an understanding between the two of you that you were hired to help him care for the Child and to somehow keep the Razor Crest alive and working. And he knew it made sense for you to find work elsewhere now that the Razor Crest was destroyed and the Child was with his own kind. But he just assumed you weren’t going to leave considering it’s been a couple of months since he’d given the kid to the Jedi and you never brought it up. It hurt hearing you say those words, especially when he realized he wasn’t meant to hear them and that you were confiding in Cobb Vanth of all people. Turns out, all Mando needed was to see the Marshal eye-fucking you as you fixed the new ship and overshared your thoughts for him to snap and finally make a move. Hopefully he can change your mind...

A/N: Yall, this is post Season 2 so sadly Grogu is not here, hence the angst! Umm, this was a lot to handle because you know, that gif here. Enjoy ☺️

It’s been months since the events that transpired on the cruiser. Months since he’d given away a piece of himself to an unknown being. Months since he’d sat down and re-evaluated his life’s mission. He wasn’t sure why he’d chosen to return to Tatooine of all planets but he needed some time to think of his next steps. So much has changed over the course of the past year and it took the Mandalorian longer than usual to realize that he can’t use bounty hunting to fill the void in his heart.

One thing he did know for sure, however, was that he couldn’t have managed to survive the emotional and physical changes without your presence. Somehow, you’ve managed to make his life easier and by a whole lot. He has never felt this grateful for having a companion, maker, didn’t even think it possible to ever consider another as such. He’d spent years and years living by the Creed and never once doubting his way of living, but he found himself questioning everything about himself when you came in. It wasn’t that he was suddenly open to the idea of taking his helmet off or anything, it was more of a passing thought on what it would be like if he were to open up to you more, perhaps even share with you more than his name and an abridged version of how he became a Mandalorian.

He mulled over how he would approach the topic with you, finding himself growing more nervous when he considered how you’d react. You’ve never given him any inclination of ever thinking of him as more than your boss and he knew he needed to figure out a way to make this seem natural and not forced. Frankly, he found it interesting how you managed to read him better than anyone he’s ever met, and he wished he could ask you how you’d done so when he never took off his helmet.

Mando pushed the thought aside for now, cursing to himself as he dragged the giant piece of scrap you’d requested for him to pick up from Peli. He wanted to argue with you then, tell you that the only reason for coming to this awfully hot planet was to take some time off, if that was even possible, and avoid falling into the temptation of another mission. But he couldn’t find it in himself to say any of these things, mostly because you were the one that managed to procure the new ship for him and you were also the one that told him the two of you were in serious need of rest. He’d only realized the ship needed fixing when he landed and you told him you would get right on as soon as he picked up the necessary pieces from Peli. He felt a little out of the loop when he’d gone to her and found her giving him everything you’d requested for, and he knew you must have contacted her before you landed or else she wouldn’t have been this quick.

As he made his way through the quiet “streets” of Mos Pelgo, he thought back to what Peli said to him an hour ago. Had he not considered her as a friend, he would have responded rudely when she bugged him about you. As much as he wished to humor the idea that you looked at him as more than a colleague, partner, whatever it was the two of you were, he didn’t want to grow any more false hope, especially now that he’d already given up the one thing that managed to crawl into his heart.

Mando saw that you’d moved the ship behind the cantina and he chose to blame the heat for the way his skin crawled with goosebumps because no, he didn’t suddenly feel calm at the thought of you.

He shook his head from the intruding thought and was about to say something to you when he saw who was standing nearby. If there was ever a time where he didn’t wish to see Cobb Vanth, it was definitely now. The bounty hunter put down the scraps of metal before moving closer to where the two of you were standing. He was sheltered behind a shack of sorts and allowed his heart rate to return to normal before listening in on you.

“I don’t believe you sweetheart.” The Marshal threw back his drink and shook his head when you shrugged your shoulders at him and Mando felt his stomach twist at the endearment. Since when were the two of you on such a close basis?

“Believe whatever you want Marshal, I was only answering your question. Besides, it’s not like I’m actively looking right now.” Mando watched as you swiped the sweat rolling down your face with the back of your hand and swore when he felt the fabric of his pants grow tighter around his crotch. He felt dirty watching your every move, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the way your muscles gleamed under the excruciating sun rays. He cursed the day you bought that garment and he recalled back to the first time he watched you work in it. Mando had almost tripped over the child that day because he never expected to see you walking around with the chest binding so visible to his eyes. It was worse when you reached up high for something because if his eyes lingered long enough, he could see your undergarment peeking from the low-hanging pants of the overalls.

The bounty hunter had to take a few deep breaths to move on from the inappropriate thoughts he was having and he narrowed his eyes at Cobb when he saw him walk closer to you.

“Are you ever going to tell him?” The Mandalorian watched as your expression shifted slowly to a more sombre look and he was familiar enough with you to know that you weren’t too happy with that question or the answer you were going to give Cobb.

“I- I don’t know. I wish I could tell him about how I fe- what I’m thinking about but I can’t...and I also can’t just say ‘Hey Mando, I had a blast taking care of the kid and getting hunted by the kriffing Empire. I fixed the ship for you so see you later.’ It’s not right and I didn’t realize it would be this difficult to come to terms with what I have to do. But I can’t keep doing this, it’s not fair.”

Whatever the Mandalorian thought you were going to say, that certainly didn’t make the top of the list. He almost fell back when he registered the meaning behind your words. You wanted to leave. You’ve been wanting to move on for a while and you weren’t sure how to tell him. You were confiding in Cobb Vanth of all people and relying on his opinion to decide what you were going to do. A thousand thoughts flew through his mind and he tried to see if he’d done anything wrong. Besides the whole thing with Gideon and Bo Katana, there wasn’t really anything he’d done that would inspire such a reaction from you. Not that those weren’t enough to change your mind about staying with him but it was all in the past now.

The sound of laughter broke Mando out of his haze and he turned towards you again, watching as you slithered down the ship, clenching his fists tightly when he saw Cobb grab your hips to help you down. He was torn between strutting towards the two of you and punching the daylights out of him and remaining where he was to listen in on your conversation. He had no right to do either, but he needed to know.

“I hate to ask you this question because it defeats the whole purpose of this entire chat but...have you thought of how he’d take it? Should you decide on-” You pointed to something on the floor and Cobb leaned down to grab it for you, handing it and gauging your reaction to his question as you continued to work.

“Why else do you think I’ve been putting this off? Of course I’ve thought of how he’d react. But I deserve more than...ugh, I don’t mind this, I swear I don’t, but I also can’t just sit back and pretend I don’t want more.” You motioned violently to the ship and to what you were doing as you spoke, shaking your head at the man smiling smugly in front of you before throwing out the tools and snatching his drink from him.

Mando couldn’t stand to be near you, not after what he’d heard and certainly not after taking in your body language and the way Cobb was practically undressing you without shame. He stepped back, leaving the scraps where they were and heading to the cantina to take his mind off of what he’d just witnessed. He walked in and paid no mind to the patrons scattered across the room, handing the man behind the counter more credits than he cared to count and asking him for his strongest stuff. He didn’t bother to address the judgmental stare he was receiving and took hold of the bottle before walking out again.

It was close to sunset and the Mandalorian walked until the edge of the town before deciding to continue until he reached a small hill filled with large boulders. Sliding down one of the rocks, he sighed deeply before taking off his helmet, the hissing sound instilling a sense of guilt deep in his chest. He was ashamed at feeling such an emotion towards what he based his entire life on. But he couldn’t take it anymore. His anger rose as he opened the large bottle in his hand, throwing it back until he felt the stinging drink burn his throat for a few seconds before aggressively setting it on the floor next to him.

Mando wasn’t able to put what he was feeling into a proper string of thoughts but he did know it was an odd mixture of hurt and anger with a tiny bit of sexual frustration. He couldn’t get the image of you sweaty and heaving as you worked on his ship out of his mind, shutting his eyes and throwing his head back to meditate back on the way your muscles clenched and pulled every time you molded two metal scraps together or how they positively shined when you carried things across the sand. He’d tried his hardest to set all of these feelings and rather inappropriate thoughts aside but he couldn’t any longer. Not when there was a chance of you leaving him, and perhaps to someone like the Marshal too.

Perhaps it was unwise to deny his heart’s desires for so long and Mando was sure that he’d met his breaking point because he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Normally, he was able to distract himself and force his mind to stray away from conjuring up the filthiest images of you wreathing and crying beneath him as he drove his cock into your heat. But he had no hold over his mind at this moment, not that he was to blame. He went from shutting his own self out to opening the floodgates, and there was no going back.

He sighed heavily when his thoughts shifted to what you said about him and he took a long sip from the bottle before turning his attention to the setting suns. He didn’t know what he could even say if you ever approached the topic with him. You’d been wanting to leave for a while now and somehow managed to hide it from him. All those nights spent running from Moff Gideon and other bounty hunters and you haven’t complained once, choosing to keep it to yourself. He wasn’t sure if he was hurt because you felt the need to hide something like this from him or because you were awfully understanding of how these complaints could distract him.

And then there was the whole thing with the ship. He had assumed that the two of you sort of shared it now but it seemed that you never saw it as belonging to you but only to him. And you went out of your way to fix it now when you didn’t have to. Mando didn’t notice his tears until he licked his drying lips and tasted the saltiness across his mouth. He wiped his cheeks and laughed at himself. When had he become like this? First it was the child and now you.

He wished he could take it all back, to have never met the kid or you. His life was simple and not complicated and now, now he was faced with the prospect of losing you as well. The bounty hunter dismissed the thought as quickly as it came because he knew deep down that it was better to have had the two of you in his life, even for a short while, than to have never known you. It wasn’t ideal but since when was his life ideal?

As the suns set beneath the sky, the Mandalorian looked down and saw that the bottle was still almost full. Not wanting to finish it now, because he might actually need it later when you decide to leave, Mando stood up and slowly made his way back into town. He needed to sleep, not to rest but to put a pause on his rather depressing thoughts if only for a little bit. When he saw the town come into view, he took a deep breath and put his helmet back on.

The town was quieter than usual and the Mandalorian found himself going straight to the ship instead of joining the others. He’d spent the past few days enjoying his nights in the corner of the busy cantina, watching as you won one Sabacc game after another without breaking a sweat while everyone groaned in annoyance at how well you were kicking their asses. But he couldn’t trust himself tonight, not around you and certainly not around the Marshal.

Trying not to bring too much attention to himself, Mando walked past the cantina towards the ship, already thinking of how relieved he’d be once he used the refresher. Going up the ramp, he was about to walk to the small, private room near the cockpit to grab a change of clothes when he heard a loud shriek that sounded a lot like his name coming from the opposite end of the ship. Mando quickly turned around and shut his eyes in exasperation when he saw you approaching him far angrier than he’d ever seen you. He set the bottle down and turned his attention towards you, raising an eyebrow to himself when he saw your chest heaving beneath the chest band. He averted his eyes quickly, refusing to think of you sweaty and breathless under other circumstances. Maker, he couldn’t go no like this.

“Where in the kriffing hell have you been? You were supposed to bring the parts from Peli hours ago and I have to find out from some kid that you just left them on the ground and walked away to- hell, I don’t even know what was more important for you than bringing me the scraps so I could fix the ship? Really, Mando, I understand that it’s been a little weird and difficult lately but I barely ask for anything and, ugh, maker.” You held back from voicing more of your thoughts, afraid that you’ve already gone far with asking him where he was. He didn’t really need to tell you what his business was but you’d assumed the two of you have come to an understanding regarding such matters, at the very least to ensure everyone’s safety.

Mando stood there in silence and took a deep breath before turning around and walking into his room, afraid he’d give himself away if he tried to respond to you.

You furrowed your eyebrows in frustration when he quietly walked away from you, anger rising in your chest as he came out and made his way past you to the refresher. Before you could think twice of what you were doing, you were sprinting past him and standing in front of the open door, pushing your fingers into his beskar-clad chest as you hissed at him.

“I’m not sure what happened or why you’re giving me the silent treatment right now but this is not how we deal with our problems okay.” Mando took a few steps back as you continued to shove your finger into him, trying his hardest to not grab your wrist and push you against the nearest wall. “We talk things out and we come up with a way to fix things and compromise if need be.” Mando’s back hit the wall, and he threw his head back to avoid your gaze, unable to hold back the chuckle that rose from beneath the helmet at your words.

How ironic.

“Did I say something funny?” You narrowed your eyes up at him and wished for once that he’d remove that god damn helmet so you could gauge his reaction.

“You mean we should talk things out like you and Cobb Vanth today? Or would it be different?” Mando’s chest tightened when he noticed the surprised expression on your face, knowing very well this was not what you expected to hear from him. He was a rational man, never once letting his mind give away to such simplistic thoughts but you’d struck a nerve and he could no longer hide his jealousy. Yes, it was jealousy. As much as he hated to admit it, that’s what he was feeling right now, what he’s been feeling all day long. It was childish and unlike him but it wasn’t going to do him any good if he continued to ignore it.

“I’m dying to know if that’s what you mean. You obviously don’t have an issue telling him about how difficult it’s been working with me and how you can’t keep doing this.” It was your turn to take a few steps back when you saw his shoulders push out and make him taller than he already was. He continued to walk towards you, throwing his clothes to the ground and almost apologizing when you tripped on your feet when he was only a foot away from you.

“How about this, let’s start with what you apparently wish you could tell me but can’t seem to find the right words to do so. What was it you said to him? You deserve more than taking care of a kid and constantly escaping the Empire and other bounty hunters? Or wait, how can I forget...it’s not fair dealing with this mess of a ship and you’re looking for somewhere else to go?” You swallowed the lump in your throat as the Mandalorian repeated back the words you voiced perhaps a little too loudly earlier today, already feeling your eyes fill with unshed tears at harsh his tone.

“I- I didn’t…you weren’t meant to-” You tripped over your words and almost flinched when he cut you off.

“What? I wasn’t supposed to hear you say any of those things? A little strange don’t you think, since you seemed to have a lot to say about me to the Marshal.” Mando should have stopped himself from saying the next few words but his heart was torn into a million pieces and it wasn’t fair for him either.

“Well guess what, sweetheart, the Razor Crest blew up. Moff Gideon is taken care of and the Empire isn’t after us anymore. Every bounty hunter knows better than to so much as look at me and...and the kid isn’t around anymore for you to take care of. He’s gone, I lost him. So if you were worried about hurting me, you’re a little too late for that.” The Mandalorian barely held himself back from pulling you into his arms when he saw tears rolling down your cheek, clenching his fists tightly when he noticed the way you hugged yourself and frowned at him.

“Din-” It broke him to hear you use his name, especially now of all times. He hasn’t heard you say it once in the past few months, even when the two of you were alone. It was the twisting of the knife, and he bit his tongue to distract himself from saying something he couldn’t possibly take back.

“Do what you want, I won’t stand in the way. Besides, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help you out with whatever it was you were telling him today. After all, you deserve more right? Deserve someone more than me...someone who’s willing to share a lot more than his name.” Not bothering to wait for a response, Mando stepped away and walked back to his room, not caring about the clothes on the ground or how hurt you must have been feeling from listening to him.

He softly shut the door behind him and moved to his bed, throwing himself on it and hanging his head low to catch his breath. This was not how he saw the night going, not remotely. He was hoping to ask you about this tomorrow in a less hostile manner and without making it seem like he was blaming you. But something about your words struck a nerve in him and he wasn’t able to hold back anymore, not when you were suggesting things you yourself weren’t willing to follow.

Din wasn’t sure how long he sat there in silence but the hissing sound of the door opening brought him back from his haze and he opened his eyes when he heard you walking towards him. You’d never once come into his room, not even when he occasionally gave you permission. You sniffed twice before approaching the bed and standing right in front of him and he was reminded of when the child would cry to try to catch his attention.

“Din, it was never my intention to hurt you. I was trying to do the opposite..thought I was doing the right thing by thinking about this before I could talk to you but I’m realizing now that I’ve hurt you.” Din noticed the way you were ringing your fingers nervously and held himself back from taking your hands into his to try and put you at ease.

“I- I only spoke with Cobb because he- because he noticed the way I was looking at you. He noticed how I can never seem to focus on anything or anyone else when you’re around. He- he could tell I was having a hard time coming to terms with how I feel about you...how I’ve felt about you for a while now.” Din’s heart skipped a beat at your confessions, unable to properly register what you were implying because he could never even humor the idea that you’d have feelings for him. He raised his head and finally looked at you, frowning when he saw how red your eyes were from crying.

“The last thing I want to do is to leave you, please believe me. But I wasn’t sure if you even wanted me around after...after everything with Moff Gideon and the Jedi. As far as I knew, you brought me on to take care of Grogu and fix the Razor Crest. We’ve barely spoken ever since the cruiser and I just thought that I was only around because you couldn’t find the time to tell me that you don’t need me anymore.” Hearing you say that you thought he didn’t need you caught Din off guard and he wasn’t able to hold back anymore, instantly taking hold of your hands and pulling you towards him until you were standing in between his legs. You swallowed the lump in your throat and maintained your gaze on his visor, hoping that he could see how truthful you were being with him and maybe respond, if only with just a simple word.

“When I said I deserved more, I was just- I swear I wasn’t talking about your Creed or wanting to see you. As much as I wish that was possible, I would never...could never ask you for something like that. I was only telling him that I might need some time away to maybe forget how...maker, to perhaps try and set aside my emotions because the last thing you need right now is for me to lay that on you. I don’t want you to think that you owe me anything because you don’t, gods you don’t owe anyone anything, not after what you’ve been through. But I could feel myself becoming more attached to you, especially after everything that happened on the cruiser. I want more with you but I don’t want to push you towards anything you’re not ready for.” Before you could wipe the tears away from your cheeks, Din was raising his glove-covered fingers and softly skimming them over your skin, and he hadn’t realized how harsh and loud his breathing was until he felt you rest your hand on his chest.

“There’s nothing between me and Cobb. And you should know by now that he’s...friendly, with everyone.” You smiled shyly at him before leaning into the hand resting on your cheek, nuzzling further into his palm when he swiped his thumb against your lower lip. There was so much Din wanted to say but he couldn’t find the right words that would convey what he was feeling. He was having a hard time wrapping his mind about your admission and the fact that you have been returning his affection for a while now.

Din didn’t realize how long he was quiet until you cleared your throat and let go of his hand, stepping away from him and looking around to see if you should just leave. Before you could head to the door, however, Din was standing up and moving towards you, his eyes searching your face for any signs of discomfort before he made his next move. Your chest was rising and falling a little quicker than he liked but he quickly realized it was probably because of how you were coming to terms with what you just said to him.

You watched as he took his gloves off and set them on the small table behind you, suppressing a gasp when you felt his warm, calloused hands wrap around yours before bringing them to his helmet. He could tell you were letting him control all of your movements and found it difficult to accept just how much you were willing to give to him.

“As much as I hate to admit it, I have been thinking about this for a while.” Din smiled when he saw your eyebrows furrow in question at his words. “Taking this off.” He saw the moment you understood what he was saying, not expecting you to pull your hands away from him and taking a few steps back until your back was against the wall.

“That’s...that’s not what I- Din, I wasn’t lying when I said it wouldn’t matter to me if-” He smiled at how defensive you suddenly were and stepped towards you once more, and you found it annoying that he barely kept a foot between you two, his natural scent hitting you like a blaster to the gut.

“I know.” Din cut you off before taking your hands into his once more, rubbing your knuckles to put you at ease as he continued. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and- it’s not that I’ll walk around without it now, far from it. It’ll only be when we’re alone, when no one is around.” He hoped you could read in between the lines because this would be the closest he’d come to admitting how important you were to him, for now at least.

“Besides, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

That definitely snapped you out of your haze and you tilted your head to the side before asking home what he was referring to.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Din raised an eyebrow at your response. Have you already forgotten?

“On the cruiser, when I- before Grogu went with the Jedi.” His hands tightened around your fingers as he said the child’s name and you were momentarily distracted before realizing what he meant.

“Din I...I never saw you.”

For a split second, it felt like someone had taken Din and carbon froze him before throwing him on an ice planet.

“What?” He held his breath, unable to move a muscle until he made sure he heard you correctly.

“I never saw you. I turned around when you reached for your helmet. I didn’t...it was a moment with you and Grogu. It didn’t feel right to look at you.” You tried to maintain a semblance of control on your voice but it cracked a few times as you admitted to him. As much as you yearned to see him without the mask, you didn’t think it proper without his clear consent.

Din’s sudden intake of breath made you nervous and you hated how for a moment, you wished you didn’t tell him because there was now a high probability that he wouldn’t take the mask off.

“Cyar'ika, please.” you shivered at the low tone of his voice, finding it harder to focus on anything but the touch of his skin. Once again, Din slowly brought your hands to the sides of his visor, pushing the palm of your hands on the beskar and softly nodding at you. A sudden sense of relief washed over him when he saw the slight nod of your head.

Din found it endearing how your whole face scrunched up in focus as the two of you slowly pulled the helmet off of his head, the soft hissing sound as it unlocked making your hands dampen with sweat. As you raised the visor along with him, you couldn’t help but shut your eyes as soon as you saw the skin of his chin. Unbeknownst to you, Din was watching your every reaction and felt a little nudge in his chest when he saw how tightly shut your eyes were. When the beskar was off completely, Din took it from your hands and placed it next to him, swallowing the lump in his throat when he turned back and saw you were still refusing to look at him.

He reluctantly took your hands into his and placed them on his chest, hoping that you’d finally open your eyes without him begging you again.

“I’m sorry I- maker, this is..this is probably more intense for you than it is for me and I’m not making it any better with my nervousness and- okay. Okay.” You took a deep breath before allowing your eyes to flutter open, unable to exhale as soon as you laid your gaze on him. Din was probably unaware of how nervous he looked and it took you a few longer seconds to realize you needed to breathe again. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, the long nights where you imagined what he could look like fading into thin air because nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared you for what you were currency seeing.

His features were somehow soft but a little rugged, and you found yourself committing every inch of his skin to memory, filling your mind’s eye with every minute facial expression so you could dream of him when you fall asleep. It was oddly not surprising at all that he had a stubble, the scattered dark and slightly graying hairs across his jaw and above his lips making him seem older than he probably was. And you weren’t sure if he knew he was furrowing his eyebrows and then you realized he most likely didn’t because he was so used to wearing his helmet that he never had to learn how to control his facial expressions around anyone. And it was endearing how his nose flared as he continued to breathe heavily under your gaze, and if it weren’t for the fact that this was a serious moment, you would have leaned over and kissed the curved bridge of his nose and the scrunch of his eyebrows to put him at ease.

Din wasn’t sure what he thought your reaction would be and he felt his chest tighten with every long moment you spent without so much as a comment.

You were unaware of how long this dreadful moment must have been for the Mandalorian and you continued to study him in hopes of finding answers to questions you’ve wished you could ask him ever since he hired you. There were heavy bags under his eyes and you wished you were more persistent with him when it came to his resting schedule but he always seemed to wave you off whenever you told him he needed to sleep. Though you knew this stress had to do more with Grogu no longer being here and less with how often he slept. You had half expected to find his gaze harsh and far off but when you did finally meet his eyes, you found them filled with unshed tears and a multitude of emotions that you knew would go unexplained until he had the strength to voice them. They were a deep and beautiful shade of brown, ones you knew you’d never be able to turn away from now that you’ve had a proper look at him. And you couldn’t help but notice how their color reminded you of a Nightbloomer just after you picked it from its roots.

All of that, however, could not compare to when you finally let your eyes descend to his lips. They were a darker shade of pink, and you swore you saw them parting as soon as you looked at them. His lower lip was trembling and you wished more than anything to swipe your thumb against it if only to feel the soft skin melt at your touch. You wished that was as far as your mind had gone but the longer you looked at the curve of his mouth, the more you wished you could lean forward and mold your lips with his. It was even worse because you had a feeling that the stubble of his mustache would cause the softest of burns on your lips.

Din could no longer take the loud silence enveloping the room and he swallowed nervously when he saw how focused you seemed to be on his lips. He had some idea of what you were probably thinking because he was thinking the exact same thing but he wasn’t sure if he should be the one to make the first move. This reluctance evaporated when he noticed the way your eyes instantly moved to his neck as the cartilage moved and returned to rest when he gulped, and he realized that you may have been having slightly more inappropriate thoughts than he originally thought.

He was about to voice his worries when he saw your hands move from his beskar-clad chest to his face and he couldn’t stop himself from looking down apprehensively at the digits moving closer to his skin. You misunderstood his nervousness for uncomfort and immediately ceased all movements, returning your focus on his eyes to look for any inclination as to what he wanted.

“Can I- mhmm, may I touch you?” Your whispered question was too loud for the two of you and Din parted his lips to say something but noticed how dry his throat was and realized he couldn’t trust his own voice. Nodding slightly at your request, he waited with bated breath as your fingers rose to his face and found himself shaking with anticipation at the prospect of finally feeling your touch on the most intimate part of him.

When you were only a few inches away from him, Din felt his heart thumping wildly at his chest and he immediately shut his eyes when he felt the feather-light touch of your fingers on his cheeks. The harsh yet shaky intake of breath almost made you lose control and you had to remind yourself that, besides Grogu, you were the only one to ever touch him so intimately and so softly since he was a child. As much as you wished to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer so you could lay as many kisses on his face as you could, you knew it would be too much for him and that he needed you to go slow with him. He was practically shattering under your attention and you hoped he would allow you to do this as many times as possible in the coming days.

Din couldn’t put a name to what he was experiencing at the moment but he knew he didn’t want you to stop touching him, ever again. He decided that he’d spend every moment with you alone without his helmet and with yours hands skimming some part of him. The longer you kept your palms on his cheeks, the calmer his heart beat and it wasn’t until a few moments later that he realized his eyes were shut. As they slowly fluttered open, he was met with the most beautiful sight in the world: your own deep irises staring at your own thumb as it softly passed over his quivering lips.

“You’re...beautiful.”

It was a simple truth and you wished there was a more sincere word you could use to describe what he was to you, what he meant to you but your mind was overflowing with images of waking up next to him every day and kissing his eyes and cheeks and nose and lips and anywhere else you could reach.

Din’s hold tightened around your waist and you watched as he leaned forward until there was barely an inch between the two of you.

“Mesh'la, I would really like to kiss you.” The request barely passed his lips yet you were already standing up on your tiptoes and pressing your lips to his, finding them as soft and gentle as you imagined them to be. Din was afraid his heart would give out any moment now because nothing could have prepared him for the taste of you, let alone the boldness with which you were claiming him. He sighed into you, unintentionally parting his lips and pushing you harder into the wall when he felt your tongue sneak into his mouth and explore him. Din wasn’t sure what he should be doing but then you were moving your hands to the nape of his neck and tangling your fingers into his hair and he all but lost it. As you gently tugged on his hair, Din found himself mirroring your actions and before he knew it, the kiss was no longer innocent and sweet but hungry and needy. You sucked on his tongue and tilted your head to the side, wanting to commit every small detail to memory so when you shut your eyes at night, you’d kiss him in your dreams.

Reluctantly, you pulled back for a second to allow the two of you to breathe but Din didn’t like that, chasing your mouth and molding his lips with yours once more to be certain that yes, this was happening, and that no, this was not a dream. You moaned into the kiss, finding his desperate need to claim your mouth again more of a turn on than you cared to admit. And then his hands were slipping inside your overalls and holding you against his chest, the warmth of him stretching down to where you wished you could feel him.

This sudden intrusive thought and the harsh grasp of your hips snapped you out of your haze and you realized you should be slowing things down for his sake. Against your will, you gently pushed his chest away and tried to think of anything but the way he was heaving above you from the intensity of the kiss. When you looked at him and saw panic and hesitation etched on his face, you returned your hands to his cheeks again and lowered his head until it was resting against your own.

“There’s nothing I want more than to feel every inch of your skin against mine right now...but- but I don’t want to push you to do something that- maker….that might be too much for you?” You pulled back and waited until he opened his eyes again before continuing. “I feel like you just made a dramatic decision by taking the helmet off in front of me and- and you’re probably feeling a multitude of emotions right now and I don’t want to make you think that I-”

Din didn’t like what you were saying, frowning down at you as he grabbed the back of your neck and violently pulled you towards him again. You were surprised by the sudden shift of his touch, fisting your hands in his cowl as he devoured your lips once more, not really giving you a chance to say anything else. Biting your lower lip, Din abruptly ended the kiss and pressed his lips across your skin, nipping and licking at your jaw as he pulled your hair down until he had access to your neck. You gasped his name and felt his stubble scratch deliciously at your shoulder. As you moaned against the wall, Din couldn’t back anymore and bit down hard on your shoulder, smiling when he heard your breath hitch at his rough ministrations.

“Din, oh gods, Din please.” You weren’t sure what you were asking of him exactly and you hoped he’d at the very least continue what he was doing.

“Cyar'ika, I want to have you. I’ve spent many nights dreaming of your lips, your touch, y-your skin against mine as I-” Din hesitated and it wasn’t until you felt his fingers slipping beneath the chest band that you finally registered his voice. Fuck, how had you not notice it a second ago? You thought the vocoder was what altered it, made it deeper perhaps. But no, it only made it sound more intimidating. You weren’t sure what made you clench your thighs together, the way he spoke to you of his desires, or how strained and gruff his voice was as he whispered his secrets to you. You gulped loudly and hesitantly met his eyes, finding the soft brown irises barely visible, his dilated pupils letting you know what he was thinking.

Licking your lips, you nodded at him and fell into a fit of giggles when he leaned down and picked you up as if you weighed nothing, quickly moving to his cot and laying you down on your back before moving away. You were about to ask him what he was doing when you saw his hands swiftly move through the beskar armor. For some reason, watching his hands expertly take off the cuirass and move to the beskar of his thighs made your heart skip a beat and you wouldn’t dare move a muscle, afraid to miss the show he was unintentionally putting on for you. So busy marveling at his deft fingers, you didn’t notice Din slowing his movements and looking at you, eyebrows raised in curiosity when he saw how hard you were breathing.

You broke out of your trance when you saw he stopped moving, embarrassment washing over you when you realized Din had caught you shamelessly staring at him as he came closer to revealing to you more of his skin. You’d expected him to move on, or at least pretend he hadn’t just caught you licking your lips while staring at his fingers but no, it seemed that Din was very much enjoying the effect he had on you because his smile grew when he saw your eyes look past him, pretending to focus on something else behind him and not his hands.

You never lost his attention though, and he maintained his eyes on you as he removed all of his armor and took his boots off. You tried to be a little more subtle but gave up when he leaned down over you and pushed you into his covers. You wanted to ask him why he was still dressed but bit back the inquiry, afraid he’d misunderstand and move away all together at your question. He captured your gaze and didn’t blink once as he slowly undid the buttons holding the overalls and you realized you would have preferred him to keep the helmet on because that meant you wouldn’t notice how passionate and direct his deep brown irises were. You’d expected him to be intense considering how touch-starved and lonely he was, but you never once thought he’d be this vigorous? Ardent? Maker, there wasn’t a single word that could describe the way he was looking at you right now.

Din kneeled at the foot of the bed, waiting until you finally noticed what he was doing and raising your hips before he pulled on the pants of the garment. He slipped your shoes off and finally removed the article of clothing that made his cheeks blush and pants tighten whenever you wore it. He would eventually tell you that this is how you came to him in his dreams almost every night, all spent and sweaty in that gods-forsaken fabric that gave him the perfect view of what you were wearing beneath.

His focus shifted from your face down your damp skin and he breathed in deeply at the sight of your undergarment. Din almost choked on his breath when your legs parted for a moment, giving him a glimpse of the growing wet patch at the center of the flimsy material.

The Mandalorian wanted nothing more than to worship your body, kiss every part of you and whisper his devotion against your skin as he pleasured you over and over again. He’d spent countless nights imagining what he’d do to you if you were ever naked and willing in his arms and he was damned if he didn’t make sure you were thoroughly spent once he was done with you. He wanted to hear his name fall from your lips and he wanted to swallow your sighs and your moans as he sank into you all night long. And by the gods, he wanted to mark your neck and your arms and your waist, and nothing made him harder than picturing you doing the same to him, biting and nipping at his skin so he could wake up in the morning and watch the evidence of your lo- your touch on him. It didn’t matter that no one else would see those bruises but him and you. He just wanted you, in any way possible, sinking beneath his skin.

And then he heard his voice calling for you over the comm link just outside the room and something snapped deep in his chest. He looked up from you to the open door of his room and listened to the Marshal’s words. Your eyes widened in shock when you saw several emotions pass through Din’s eyes, the most prominent of which was anger, maybe hurt. Of all the times Cobb would ask you to join him for drinks, this was most definitely the worst of them. It didn’t help either that he was laughing over some inappropriate joke one of his friends was saying about your sabacc skills. It wouldn’t be the first time this happened and it certainly wouldn’t be the last but then Din was clenching his jaw tightly before looking down at you and you knew he wasn’t too happy. In fact, you had a pretty good idea which emotion won out and you hated how much it affected you, how wet you became as thoughts of the Mandalorian claiming you as his flooded your mind.

Before you could try and reason with him, attempt to tell him that it was just a game and that the Marshal’s friends were probably just teasing him, Din was standing up and stripping of his long-sleeve shirt, revealing his perfectly chiseled, bronze skin that had your mouth watering within moments. You noticed the few dozen scars littering his beautiful torso and wished you could kiss each one of them, the old ones and the fairly new ones, until they didn’t sting with pain. But Din had different plans for you and he didn’t give you a chance to question him as he took hold of both of your wrists and slammed them above your head. His hold was painful and it should have scared you how quickly his mood changed but you said nothing, looking into his dilated pupils as his nose flared and he growled at you.

“Keep yours hands there,” Din warns you with a piercing look and you gulp loudly before nodding at him in understanding. He removes his hand and kneels on the bed, eyes narrowing at you before they sought after your most private areas. He wasn’t sure where to begin. He’d given this much thought but now that he was here, he realized it was a more difficult decision than he anticipated. He’d longed to wrap his lips around those hardened peaks always teasing him through the chest band, lick them until you cried for him, perhaps begged him to stop because you were sensitive. But then he continued down the lines of your navel and found your parted legs much more inviting.

Now that Din knew how you felt, there was no reason for him to feel jealous. But he couldn't stop himself, wanting to be certain that you knew as well as he who you belonged to. He hated himself for having such primitive thoughts about you. You were your own person that much was made clear early on. But he could hope at your words, couldn’t he? He could hope that you were now his, and that he was yours. Maker, he was always yours. He just couldn’t admit it to himself, his heart reluctant at opening up to another.

Din was lost in thought longer than you liked and you moved your feet towards him, nudging his thigh in hopes of reassuring him that you were right here, in his bed, beneath him and at his mercy. Din’s eyes focused on your again and he looked down at the soft gesture, hands instantly grabbing at your ankles. You jumped at the sudden movement, trying your hardest not to whine at the painful grasp because somewhere deep inside of you, you wanted nothing more than to be marked by him. By his teeth, lips, fingers, any part of him. You didn’t care where you’d bear his touch, you just wanted to see it, touch it in the privacy of the refresher when he wasn’t around.

Din saw the needy look you were throwing him and he knew that you were willing. Willing to go as far as he wanted, willing to completely submit your body and soul to him, willing to do whatever he wished of you.

Before your eyes could flutter closed, Din was pushing your legs wide open and falling in between them while maintaining his gaze on you. He almost smiled when your stomach shook at how feral he probably looked. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes as his mouth latched onto the wet patch forming on the soft fabric of your undergarment, moaning into your cunt as he savored the taste seeping through. You were surprised by the boldness of the action and wished for him to lick your skin instead. But there was something erotic about the desperation behind his actions, wanting to taste you so much that he didn’t care what he was licking.

The thought was gone as soon as it appeared because you felt two fingers stretch beneath the waistband right before he ripped it off of your body, shoving the torn fabric in his nose and taking a long whiff of it before humming in approval. Your eyes widened in surprise at the filthiness of his action, hands shaking above you when he threw your panties expertly into his helmet. The thought of knowing that your scent could potentially stick to the inside of his helmet as he walked around twisted your insides and you whined shamelessly at him, wishing he could just take what he wanted.

“Your sounds belong to me,” Din spoke with a commanding voice as he sank in between your thighs again, his tongue dragging across your folds so deliciously hard until he pulled away, leaving a trail of saliva behind. “Your arousal belongs to me,” his hands went to your thighs and he squeezed, knowing fully well there would be bruises dawning your beautiful, smooth body the following morning. Again, you fought to keep your eyes open, wanting to commit every second to memory but finding it difficult to focus on him and not the pleasure zapping down your back. “And I will be damned if this cunt,” Din let go of one of your thighs, pulling his tongue away from your core right before the palm of his hand landed a slap straight on your clit, “doesn’t belong to me either.” You cried out his name, legs shaking violently at the pain shooting through your clit. Din didn’t give you a moment to relax back down on the covers, spanking the outer folds of your pussy twice more consecutively before he replaced the harsh touch with his cooling tongue. Tears trailed down your cheeks as he fucked you with his tongue and lapped at you like you were the only source of water on this gods-forsaken planet. He rotated between soft, quick licks to long, harsh ones, occasionally sucking on your clit and grazing his teeth on the bundle of nerves until he was sure you were going crazy.

“D-Din oh maker, please. Stop I- slow down.” His touches were far from gentle and the pleasure blurred into pain as you tried to reach that delicious peak you’ve longed for ever since you harbored feelings for the man above you. But he was making it difficult, his needy and erratic movements making it near impossible for you to dive into the lake of pleasure. You should have known that the Mandalorian was as intense in bed as he was in every other aspect of his life. You shut your thighs around his head, wanting to push him away as his teeth continued to graze against your wet folds and nip at the pulsating nub.

“M-Mando...I can’t.” You couldn’t take it anymore, hands moving to his hair and fisting in the beautiful brown locks as you tried to push him away. As soon as Din felt the tight grasp on his hair, he snarled at you, pushing up on his knees and bending your body along with him until the only thing resting on the bed was your neck and your shoulders. You cried out for him, begging him to give you release but it only drove him mad with lust. His eyes locked on yours, daring you to look away from him as his fingers dug into your butt cheeks and pushed your cunt into his mouth.

Din pulled away for a split second, biting your inner thighs to grab your attention.

“You will take what I give you ner Cyar’ika.” You saw a hint of darkness in his soulful brown eyes, and shivered at the mere implications of what he had in mind for you. Din sucked and licked at your folds like a crazed man, feeling your legs shaking on his shoulders. He pulled away for a second, and you had no time to beg him to be gentle as he slapped your heated core three times again, hissing when you shut your eyes and bucked against him, your juices drenching his face and chest, leaking down your back as he smiled before taking your cunt into his mouth one last time to prolong your pleasure. You were too busy trying to remain sane to realize what had just happened and Din slowly lowered you back onto the wet covers before letting go of you. You were panting beneath him, stomach fluttering from the force of your release and chest heaving as you tried to fill your lungs with air.

When you opened your eyes and looked at Din, your eyes widened in horror when you saw his glistening skin, finally realizing what he'd just done to you. You flushed under the scrutiny of Din’s gaze, gasping as he wiped his mouth and jaw with the back of his hand as he looked down and chuckled at the wet spot beneath his knees. You quickly shut your legs and tried to crawl away from him but Din was faster, grabbing your ankle and pulling you back to him, the show of strength already making your cunt clench around nothing again.

“You do not run from me Ad’ika...nor hide from me ever again. I own your body, your skin, the cum still leaking out of this sweet cunt.” His words were filthy and you didn’t know how to react to this new possessiveness he was showing. He pushed open your thighs and fell in between him, bringing his chest flush against yours and kissing the breath out of you, not bothering to be gentle as his fingers twisted and pinched at your nipples. You clawed at his back, wanting more of him but not knowing if you would be able to take any more of what he was offering.

He pulled away suddenly, his jaw clenching tightly as he took one look at the hands wrapped around his back.

“Did I not tell you to not move your hands sweet girl?” He whispered against your lips, breathing in the air leaving your lungs as he pecked the corner of your mouth before flipping you over on your stomach.

“I- I’m sorry...it was just t-too much and-” You couldn’t finish the rest of the sentence, screaming against the covers as you felt Din’s palm land on your ass. You looked back and saw him eyeing your reddening skin, looking up at you and smiling as he treated the other side with the same kindness. Four more times his hands smacked your ass and you were ashamed at how aroused his violent actions made you. When he snuck his fingers in between your thighs and swiped haphazardly at your folds, you moaned and bit into your wrist.

“Filthy sweet girl,” Din whispered more to himself than you before he fisted his hand in your hair and pulled you flush to his chest, the slide of your dampened back against his sweaty chest bringing him more pleasure than he would have liked to admit because not a few hours ago, he was picturing your sweaty, glistening skin beneath him. And now that he had you here, he was going to make the best of it.

“Mando, oh Mando-” As much as he loved hearing you scream his nickname in the throws of passion, he wished more to hear his given name fall from your lips.

“My name...scream my name sweet girl. Let the stars know who pleasures you Cyare.” Din kissed your shoulder before biting into the sweaty flesh, the hand in your hair letting go right before wrapping softly around your throat and pressing you harder against him. Your hands twisted back to try and grab his hair but he immediately took your wrist and twisted it until it was behind you, between your back and his chest.

“Ahh Din…” You wanted to beg him to allow you to touch him, tell him that you were yearning to touch him as much as he was in need of touching you. But you had a feeling that this wasn’t true, and that this was his way of being certain that you weren’t going to leave him. That you were his.

If only he knew that you have already belonged to him. Long before tonight.

You felt each breath leave your lungs as Din tightened his grasp around your throat and you parted your lips to moan his name, only to feel his tongue shamelessly licking into your mouth. So distracted by the desperation in this kiss, you didn’t notice the fingers trailing down your chest and digging into your skin until the palm of his hand softly cupped one breast. Din teased you with feather light touches, flicking at one nipple before moving to the other and circling around it until it hardened. He continued to swallow your noises, sucking on your tongue to quiet you as he pinched your nipples. You twisted in his arms, wanting to reach for him again but knowing that he would probably pull your hand away.

When Din pulled away to allow you to breathe, you panted and finally opened your eyes, not daring to look away as he kept you motionless with his gaze. Din watched as you tried to form a coherent thought, waiting until you parted your lips to speak to him before reaching down and cupping your quivering cunt as he broke the silence.

“This belongs to me,” your breath hitched when Din pressed the palm of his hand against you, not quite applying pressure on your clit but just enough to hold your focus. “Only I get to touch you, kiss you, watch you as you come undone in my arms.” You nodded briefly at him, continuing to hold eye contact as he began to increase his actions. “No one else will ever have you Cyar'ika. No one but me.” He slipped two fingers past your wet folds and rubbed against your walls, humming in approval when he felt you flutter around him the harder he shoved his fingers inside you.

“I’m yours Din, y-yours. Whatever you want, oh gods please more...need more, Din you make me f-feel so good.” Din keened at your words, curling his hand until his palm was passing deliciously over your clit as his fingers picked up the pace.

“That’s right sweet girl, you’re mine. Mine to fuck, mine to take whenever I want...mine to-” Din hesitated for a second, unable to voice his heart to you even though you’ve bared your soul for him. “Pal'vut at kar'taylir darasuum...kriffing gods you’re wet, so wet for me. Come on, cum for me again ner Cyare. Show me how good I make you feel. Show me how needy this little cunt is, fuck- I...can’t want to have you wrapped around my cock little one. Can’t wait to sink in this pussy, my sweet tight cunt, mark you with my seed, over and over again...fuck a load in you all night long till you can’t feel anything but my cum dripping down your thighs. Shit, I need you to cum, now!” Your mind became foggy with pleasure, unable to focus on anything but the words whispered into your ears as his thick fingers fucked into you. You grabbed the wrist of the hand wrapped around your throat, digging your nails into his skin as you came around his fingers. You almost fell forwards but Din held you flush against him, continuing to drive his digits into you and rub at your clit with this thumb until you were sobbing in his arms.

“Beautiful,” Din kissed your shoulder as he slowly inched his hands away from you before laying you down slowly. His eyes took in the flushed, wet skin of your back, chuckling with pride when he saw your legs shaking as little sobs escaped your lips. Your breaths came in shallow and quick, and you tried to silence your whines by biting into your wrists but then you felt Din slide his hand back and forth on your back as he laid next to you and you shivered under his touch because from the way he was moving closer to you and touching you, there was no way he was done just yet.

“You’re all I think about, every waking moment. It’s difficult to focus on anything else when you’re always in my mind Cyar'ika. I- I burn for you, for your lips to caress mine every moment, your eyes to never leave mine as I brand you, your skin against my own as you mark me with your touch. I- maker, I cannot think of a life without you here, with me…” Din thought he would have to force himself to say such things but he found it remarkably easy now that he had you here, responding so openly and shamelessly to him.

“Din,” you turned your head and shifted towards him, kissing the hand resting between the two of you before leaning your forehead against his and shutting your eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here, for as long as you’ll have me.” Din ceased all movement at your words and he looked away from where he was stroking your back, meeting your eyes and furrowing his eyebrows before you felt him grab your arm and pull you on top of him. You surprised gasp died in your throat when you felt Din wrap his arms around your back and bring you against him until you could feel his chest hairs tickling your nipples. You could feel his cock jutting against your core through his pants and as you rested your hands on his chest and looked to him, you saw the frown ease from his expression, replaced with something akin to reverence.

“I will have you until my dying breath Mesh’la. Let me show you how much I want you.” The force of his declaration hit you instantly and you pressed your lips against his just as you felt him rid himself of his pants. Din’s hands were roaming your back and you felt bolder with every caress, combing your fingers into his hair and pulling on it as he squeezed your ass and bucked into you. The growl emanating from his chest shot straight to your core and you raised yourself from him for a moment.

“Din, I want you. Crave to feel you inside me. Please, do it fast and don’t- don’t be gentle. Show me, show me how much you lo- want me.” Din’s heart skipped a beat at your words and he wasted no time, taking hold of his cock and teasing your clit with his leaking tip before slowly inching inside you. You shut your eyes and dug your nails into the back of his neck as he continued to sheath his dick deeper in your cunt. You could feel every ridge and pulsating vein dragging against your inner walls, finally allowing your lungs to breathe as you felt him nudge and twitch against that soft, spongy spot in your core.

Neither of you moved for a few moments, with Din trying to wrap his mind around finally becoming one with you and feeling you clench so sweetly around him. He was torn between fucking up into you without mercy and taking it nice and slow until he pushed you over the edge again. But then you were gyrating your hips and sighing his name on his cheek and he knew what he wanted.

Planting his feet on the damp covers, Din held you flush against him with one arm while resting his other hand on your thigh, nuzzling into the crook of your neck as he snapped his hips up before sinking into you again. You let out a surprised sob and rested your forehead against his shoulder, whispering more pleas against his skin and begging him to move.

The usually quiet man breathed the sweetest wishes in your ears, thrusting up into you with immense force that made you clench tighter around him. “Ni copad gar an te ca'nara Ad’ika, ni vercopa be gar anay ca. You have made a home for yourself inside my heart.” Din felt your shaky breath blow on his neck and it drove him mad with lust because he wanted to have you reacting to his touch so wantonly every minute of every day. His grip only tightened around you and he prayed you wouldn’t mind the bruises that would surely color your skin in the next few hours. He wasn’t planning on being gentle tonight, perhaps later, but not tonight, and he was going to ensure his touch would be visible for anyone that would speak with you tomorrow. Thoughts of the Marshal passed through his mind’s eye and he growled, pumping his cock into you harshly for some reassurance. You cried out his name over and over again, feeling your skin heat up at the declarations of love he was peppering on your skin because even though his words were gentle, his touches were far from it.

The squelching sounds of your cunt flooding Din’s thighs as he drove himself into you should have embarrassed you but you could tell he enjoyed knowing how wet you were for him from the way he continued to quicken the pace just to hear your juices flowing over him. His grip on you was becoming more painful the more you moved against each other but you couldn’t find it in yourself to let him know. He was letting go, showing you how much he wanted you, how hard he was for you, and you weren’t about to make him feel conscious over his affection.

“Maker...oh Din, Din I- you feel so good inside me. Filling me up like no one else. Could feel you so deep, gods, could feel you everywhere Din please- don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop, I need it. Need you, want you- want you to mark me, d-do whatever you want with me.” You had no hold over your own speech and weren’t sure if you were making any sense but Din moaned each time you praised him.

“Good girl, sweet girl...taking my cock so well, kriffing hell. Your- your pussy is squeezing the fuck out of me..could feel every tight inch of you stroking my cock Cyar’ika. Ah pfassk...you’re- you’re perfection.” Din moved the hand around your back up to your neck, pulling on your hair and pressing his lips with yours as his cock throbbed inside you. You whined as his tongue roughly swirled around your own, barely able to breathe as he continued to snap his hips against you and suddenly feeling a rush of relief as his navel rubbed at your clit until you came around him. Din broke the kiss, screaming expletives in his tongue as the force of your orgasm pushed his cock out of you. You shuddered as you gushed on his dick, wrapping your arms around his neck when he forced his cock into your tight cunt again.

You were so overcome with emotions, so lost in Din’s scent mixing with your own, and his touch leaving bruises on your skin, that you didn’t notice the faint sounds of footsteps coming up the ramp and halting in the middle of the ship right in front of the door. But Din noticed, managing to look up just in time to see Cobb standing in the middle of the ship and staring with wide eyes at the scene unfolding in front of him.

Something completely otherworldly took over the Mandalorian and he quickly sat up, expertly moving the two of you around until he was kneeling on the covers with you straddling his thighs. He smiled against your shoulder, allowing your hair to hide his face as he grabbed both of your hips and fucked up into you.

He could vaguely see the Marshal and was surprised that he hadn't dropped the bottle of drink in his hand just yet. You wailed into the night air, arms keeping you stead in Din’s arms as he forced you on his pulsating dick over and over again.

“Tell me...tell me Cyare, tell me how much you love it when I fuck you. How much you need my cock like the filthy little cockslut you are. Go on sweet girl, grind that little clit on me. Fucking tell me ner Ad’ika.” Din smacked your ass twice, chuckling when your moans grew more lewd with every touch he laid on you.

“I- I- ahhh love your cock...oh maker, no one fucks me like you. N-no one makes me c-cum like you. Fuck me harder D- ahhh,” Din bit down on your shoulder to prevent you from saying his name, looking through the mess of your hair and watching as his audience remained incapable of moving.

“I own this pretty little pussy. Pffassk- ride me harder Mesh’la. You’re such a good girl, could feel your cunt drenching my thighs, the smell of you is driving me mad. Fuck- keep that pretty mouth open to me when I’m fucking you, let me hear you scream for me.”

“Please- please...fuck me harder, ruin my pussy. Gods- I..I’m so close please. Tell me you own me, tell me I’m you’re sweet girl. Please- I want to be good for you, want you to cum inside me Din...cum inside me. I need it, need you to fuck me like you own me and mark me, make me yours Mando. Cum in me, please-”

“Ah fuck you’re my sweet little girl aren’t you? Wanting me to fuck a load in you, cum in you all night long and keep my seed in that tight cunt? That’s it sweetheart, I’m so fucking hard for you. Could feel you clenching around me...be a good girl and cum again ner kar'ta. Fuck, yes yes you feel so good wrapped around my cock Cyare you’re going to make me cum. Spill my seed in that tight, wet pussy, fill you up till you can taste it in your throat. Shit, and- and I’m going to keep fucking you sweet girl, till my cum is sliding down your thighs. My little fucktoy- come on, come on love, cum for me. Cum on me, drench me again. Mix your juices with me.” Din watched as Cobb finally had the mind to leave and he almost laughed at how the man almost tripped on his own foot as he sprinted out of the ship. He pushed you on your back and spread your thighs open, resting his weight on the arms around your head as he thrust in a few more times before he felt you clench around him. Leaning down, Din took a pert nipple in his mouth and sucked on it, growling into your skin as he came deep in your pussy, painting your walls with long strings of his seed until he couldn’t breathe. He’d never cum this hard before and was sure to tell you when you had the state of mind to pay him any semblance of attention.

Din continued to lazily push into you, your words from earlier replaying in his mind as he felt you quiver around his softening cock. You were still coming down from your high and twitched occasionally when you felt him throb inside you. There was a pleasant kind of warmth washing over you and you sighed happily when you realized he was still bucking against you to push his cum in your belly.

“D-din...you’re filling me up so good. Feel so full ah- gah.” He laughed when your body shook, wrapping his arms around you and flipping you around until you were laying on his chest. You kissed his jaw and his neck, moaning in unison when you felt his dick rub against that sweet spot inside you.

“That’s because I’ve never cum this hard sweet girl. You’ve milked me dry Cyare. Could feel you sucking my seed out of me.” He was amazed at your obvious embarrassment, wanting to tease you about it but choosing to wait for later instead.

Din rubbed at your back, kissing your forehead as he whispered sweet things in your ears and smiling when you nipped at his neck some more.

“Promise me you’ll never leave.” Din’s quiet voice broke the silence and you pushed up to look into his eyes as you responded. “I’m not going anywhere, even if you tell me to go. I’ll stay here, always. I promise.” You kissed him gently and felt his pulse beneath your fingers calm at your words.

Not much time has passed before Din had you on your knees in front of him, fucking your mouth and shoving you down on his cock until you gagged and his seed slipped from the corner of your mouth, mixing with your spit as it fell down your breasts. You lost count of how many times he brought you pleasure, and you made a mental note to ask him how he managed to fuck you all night long. You weren’t sure it was possible for a man to cum this many times over the course of one night but you had a feeling Din was not like anyone else. A man who has been touch starved for almost three decades must have had a lot of pent-up aggression that he needed to release. And you would gladly help him in any shape or form through that.

And when he wasn’t pumping your cunt full of his cum, he was nuzzling into your neck and laying kisses across your arms, making sure he caressed every inch of your skin. You shouldn’t have been surprised that Din loved to snuggle with you but you did find it hilarious that such a big and scary Mandalorian whimpered when you licked down his neck as you nestled into his arms. You wouldn’t tell him just yet but besides his rough grasps and his filthy words, you loved to taste the saltiness of his skin and from the looks of it, the feelings were mutual because at some point in the night, he’d told you of all the times he had to lock himself up in the refresher and try his hardest to not think of your sweaty limbs entangling with his own as he kissed you.

By the time the two of you made it outside the following day, the twin suns had already been in the middle of the sky, scorching rays of heat on everyone across Mos Pelgo. You tried your hardest not to walk too funny, mostly because it made Din apologize every now and then, but it was difficult when you could still feel traces of his touch on you. You told him you needed him to stop making it obvious but realized he was apologizing out of regret not out of humor. It took you all of the afternoon to convince him that you were feeling more than okay and that you’d asked him for this. And when he didn’t seem to stop, you teased him and told him that you knew he secretly loved watching you wobble from side to side.

This all, however, peaked when you walked into the cantina and tried to play Sabbac with Cobb Vanth and the others. You could tell that the Marshal was avoiding all conversation with you, going out of his way to pretend you weren’t even sitting on the table, let alone the room. You hoped that Mando hadn’t spoken with him or anything and decided to call it quits earlier in the night. When you did make it back to the ship and saw Din cleaning his weapons, you made sure the ship was secure before moving to sit on the bed across from him.

“Did you talk to Cobb today?” You gauged his reaction, already sensing that something was wrong when you saw him nervously clench his jaw before rubbing furiously at the beskar weapon.

“No, why do you ask?” Din wished he hadn’t already taken off his helmet because as soon as he responded, you knew he wasn’t telling you the whole truth.

“Din?”

He looked up at you and cleared his throat before speaking.

“He- he saw us...last night. I- I must have forgotten to raise the ramp and-” Din took a deep breath when you shot up from the cot and began to pace back and forth.

“HE WHAT?”

“We were...I couldn’t- there wasn’t a chance I could…you felt too good around me Ad’ika I- I couldn’t stop. Not when you were clenching around me so tightly. Now when you were finally in my arms. I-” He stood up and walked towards you, taking your hands into his and kissing both of your wrists. You flushed at his words and looked up at him, only to find him blushing under your gaze.

“You did it on purpose didn't you? You wanted him to see...to watch as you- as we...as I said-” Din didn’t let you finish the sentence, leaning down and molding his lips with yours as he walked you back to his bed. He pushed you down on the covers still holding your scents, his hold hardening the more you moaned against him. Before he could strip you of your clothes, you pushed him off and stuck out your finger in warning.

“Oh no you don’t. Go raise the ramp.”

“You’re giving me orders now Mesh’la?” Din raised an eyebrow at you as he got off of you and walked around the bed, halting at the doorstep to look back at you.

“Never…”

Translations:

Ad'ika - Little one

Mesh'la - Beautiful

Cyar'ika - Darling/Sweetheart

Cyare - Beloved

Ner - my/mine

Pal'vut at kar'taylir darasuum - mine to love

Ni copad gar an te ca'nara - I want you all the time.

Ni vercopa be gar anay ca - I dream of you every night.

Ner kar'ta - my heart

#The Mandalorian fanfiction #The Mandalorian x Reader #The Mandalorian smut #mando x reader #Mando smut #Mando fanfiction #Din Djarin x Reader #Din Djarin smut #Din Djarin fanfiction #The Mandalorian #Din Djarin #Pedro Pascal #star wars #star wars fanfiction #baby yoda #grogu

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thebiggestfan1 · 3 years

Text

Are you in town? - Matthew Tkachuk (part 1)

part two here

part three here

word count: 1860 words

TW: language, angst (?)

let me know if you want part two, I’m somehow still not sure

...

It was so hot that day. The movers were already gone, the place feeling empty without all the furniture. In a few hours, you'd be long gone, flying far away from Chesterfield.

Some small part of you felt sorry for selling your parents' house - the house you spent your whole childhood living in. But they moved out a few years ago and told you many times they didn't mind at all selling it.

Wiping the sweat off of your eyebrows you made your way through the blooming garden, trying to memorize every little detail. You remembered climbing this tree, you remembered the hole in the fence you made so the neighbour's dog could come play with you, you remembered the time capsule you and Matt buried here when you were fifteen.

Until now, you completely forgot about that. Even though you two didn't talk after he got drafted, it'd be a good idea to meet again since you might never see him again. You might be moving to Calgary but that city was so big it'd be a miracle to meet Matthew somewhere.

So you scrolled through your phone, praying he didn't change his number after all those years as you dialed it.

The phone rang twice before someone picked it up.

"Yes?"

Matthew's voice was so different since the last time you talked.

"Hey Matt, this is Y/N, I'm moving out today and I thought we could dig up the time capsule we buried at my place as kids before I leave. Are you in town?" It was off-season so you might get lucky.

"You are moving out already? But yeah, I can meet you in an hour if you have the time."

"Yes, I'll still be here, don't worry."

"Okay..." There was a moment of awkward silence, neither of you knew how to break it. Was it a bad idea? Of course you wouldn't be as good friends as you once were. But you didn't know it would be this... weird. He didn't say goodbye back when he left to Calgary and didn't answer to any of your calls or messages. What were you thinking? That he wanted to see you?

"So, where are you moving to?" Matt finally continued, making the conversation more bareable.

"Calgary, they offered me an amazing job there."

"Really? I've been there for a few years."

"I heard." Not from you, was what you didn't say. It seemed like he'd heard it nonetheless.

Silence. You hated how distant you've grown - once, a long time ago, you were best friends. You went together to kindergarden and since then you've been the best of best friends. But even after all you went through, you didn't know what to say.

"Nevermind, I have to get going. I'll be at your place at three, okay?"

"Okay. I'll meet you there."

As you hung up, sadness enveloped you. Maybe you shouldn't have called. Maybe it'd be better to never meet Matt again, to remember only the good old times.

But he might be already on his way and you wanted to say a proper goodbye before going far, far away.

You loved him once, you recalled. It broke your heart when he left without looking back.

It irritated you that you couldn't do the same as easily.

...

"Y/N?" a now familiar voice called, the sound of closing car doors echoing through the silent street.

Matt looked same as he did four years ago and still totally different. It was like staring at a stranger you could swear you've already seen before. The curly, those pretty grey-blue eyes and the crooked smile you remembered and thought about too often. He got taller and more mascular over the time he played hockey professionally.

"Hey," you said nervously, tucking your slightly trembling hands into the pockets of your shorts.

Again, that uncomfortable silence took place.

"How long is it?" Since you've last seen each other. Since he'd ignored your calls and messages. Since he'd left you crying as he left this town - as he left you.

"Five years," you said.

Regret flashed in those pretty eyes as he took you in. Did you look to him the same as you did the last time he saw you?

"I'm sorry I didn't call." That was it? After five fucking years of silence, this was his apology for everything. This was a mistake. You didn't think it through when you called him today. Just now you started remembering all the things he's done to you.

"That doesn't make it hurt less, does it?" You whipped around, going to the line of fruit trees where you left the two shovels you borrowed from the neighbour.

Matt's hand slightly gripped your elbow, stopping you in your tracks.

"I know that I made a bunch of wrong decisions before I left."

"I've been trying for 6 months to reach you before giving up completely. And you? You've been living the best version of your life anyone could ever imagine."

"That's not true and you know it." Matthew said and you wanted to leave right then, forget this stupid meeting.

"I do not." you hissed, trying to calm down your rising temper.

Matt sighed, not wanting to argue over this. So he made his way to the tree line, picked one shovel from the ground and started digging where he remembered the time capsule was.

You didn't help him dig it up. You were too lost in memories, clinging to the past as you thought of younger version of Matt.

The clang of metal on metal attracted your attention back to him. He grunted as he pulled up the metal box and laid it on the grass.

You ducked low next to him, dusting off the dirt of the box. It was an old, weirdly dented thing. Your eyes laid on the lock and you nearly sighed in annoyance just when Matt grabbed at his necklace, the key dangling from it. When you two buried the capsule, each of you got a key made for it. You had yours somewhere in the boxes that had already been shipped to your new apartment and Matt's... he didn't forget. He kept it through the years, guarding it and not losing it as you expected.

You didn't say anything, just patiently waited for him to open the box.

There was a letter inside, along with a bunch of things you thought of as long forgotten. Your bracelets of friendship, the colors faded already; a puck with which you and Matthew played your first hockey game together when you were six; so many polaroid photos with your faces on them; USB with a playlist you two always danced to.

Your eyes watered - how were you supposed to say goodbye to all of this?

Silently, you looked over all of the photos - you and Matt in the rink with small hockey sticks and skates, you and Matt sticking out your tongues colored blue with slushies, you and Matt, you and Matt, you and Matt...

Then Matthew's hand found yours, your fingers automatically intertwining with his. You started crying, first silently but then the sobs shook with your whole body.

"Come here," he murmured, hugging you. His body was so soft and warm, as if begging you to lean into his touch.

"How- how could you leave this all behind?" you mumbled between the sobs.

"It's not leaving if you don't say goodbye." Matt said, his fingers playing with yours.

"Then you are a fucking coward, Matthew."

Silence. He didn't argue with you on that, so you must have been right.

You stopped crying after a while, checking your watch while wiping your nose.

Shit. It was so late already - you had to call an uber to get you to the airport in the next hour or you'd be super late.

"I'll have to go," you said quietly, but Matt interrupted you.

"You are right," he tucked on the edge of his shirt, clearly nervous. He was nervous. "I was a coward. I thought that if I didn't say goodbye to you as I left, it'd hurt less. I was wrong and I was a fucking coward for not picking up your calls or replying to your messages because it would make it so real - that I was leaving and probably never coming back. But I want to make it all right again, I want to be a part of your life - if you will let me."

You thought about his offer and still, you couldn't answer. You weren't sure about letting him into your heart just for him to storm out again without a goodbye, leaving you behind, broken.

"Can I at least take you to the airport?" To that, you nodded, picking up the time capsule, putting all the items back in. Then you gave back the lent shovels to your neighbour and with a last glance at your house, you got into Matt's car.

...

On the way to the airport Matt played the playlist from the USB that was in the time capsule and the nostalgy hit you hard.

You remembered the lyrics, the melody; you remembered everything.

The drive was too short and you started panicking as the engine stopped.

Matthew helped you with your suitcase and went inside with you. The two of you stopped at the first gate.

"Here," he said, giving you a piece of paper. "It's my adress. Hopefully, you won't live so far away, so we could meet there if you wanted to."

You tucked it in your pocket without a word.

"Also, take this. I wrote it in ninth grade so don't think much of it. But I want you to read it, Y/N."

It was the letter from the time capsule, with your name on the blank envelope.

"I will." you promised.

The silence that followed wasn't awkward this time.

"I'll let you know my decision about what you said earlier. I just... I need some time."

Matt noded, giving you the space you so desperately needed.

"So, until we meet again - goodbye, Y/N."

"Goodbye, Matt."

...

The plane took off and you finally had the time to read the letter he gave you.

You immediately recognised his scrambled handwriting and you smiled at how messy it was before you started reading.

Dear Y/N,

I'm writing this in case I leave. Dad has been telling me for some time already that if I'll get drafted, I'll have to leave. He also said that if I'll be smart, I will never look back at my past.

I don't want you to be my past. I want you to be my present and my future.

He said I'll meet a lot of girls but I know that none of them is going to be like you.

So, I promise you, I will never say goodbye to you.

I love you,

Matt

With trembling fingers, you pulled out your phone, the tears already staining the screen.

That's why he never said goodbye. Because of this stupid letter and his stupid promise.

The phone rang once before he picked it up.

"Y/N? What is it?"

A ragged breath escaped you and you laughed and cried at the same time.

"I don't want you to be my past. I want you to be my present and my future."

"Oh, that was cheesy, wasn't it-"

"No, you dumbass. That's my answer."

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d-criss-news · 3 years

Link

The Glee star and Emmy winner for The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, Darren Criss, 34, will be releasing his first album of Christmas songs, titled A Very Darren Crissmas (October 8). It includes duets with Adam Lambert, Evan Rachel Wood and an original song, “Drunk on Christmas,” featuring Lainey Wilson.

What was your goal with this Christmas album?

To reintroduce familiar songs in a new way. But I also wanted to take lesser-known songs and make those feel more familiar. And, most importantly, I wanted to take songs that people don’t associate with Christmas but I do—like Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”—and try to make them feel like Christmas songs.

What inspired you to write “Drunk on Christmas”?

It’s about the end of Christmas when everything’s been done. There’s wrapping on the floor, you’ve cleaned things, the in-laws have left and there’s nothing else to do. It’s two people having a sit-on-the couch moment, sipping a glass of cocoa with some SoCo [Southern Comfort] in it.

What is it about Christmas music? Why did you want to do the Christmas album?

Christmas or the holiday season is something that, whether we like it or not, we experience every year, and that comes with a litany of wonderful songs and music that again, whether you have been proactive about listening to it or not, it’s pretty hard to avoid. It’s permeated our cultural consciousness for our entire lives. So if you happen to be someone like me who consumes music at a hyperactive level, I’ve always adored Christmas music.

People say this because of the way that it makes them feel and the things that it reminds them of. There are so many layers to why people enjoy Christmas music. It’s nostalgic, it is very romantic, at least in the true dictionary meaning of the word romantic. And to me, I’ve always loved it for a much more anthropological reason, which is for one month or several weeks out of the year we suddenly subscribe to a certain sentiment that the other 11 we don’t really dial into. We want it all, then we want it to just go away.

What makes Christmas songs different?

As a musician I’ve always loved that Christmas music can employ certain musical elements that otherwise aren’t very popular. To me, it’s incredible that without a doubt the estates of many artists are guaranteed placement on the radio even though many of them have been deceased for many years. The pop charts are dominated by whatever contemporary, awesome artists there are nowadays, but in December you can guarantee that Burl Ives and Dean Martin will be on the radio with the best of them. I find that so charming. It’s because people really, really love this music.

And those songs don’t sound like the sounds that we’re hearing on the radio, sonically, harmonically, rhythmically. They employ a lot of “classic” sounds that evoke the feeling of Christmas. I’m a self-proclaimed genrephile—this is a term I use for myself throughout all the stuff that I do. I can’t help but be so enchanted by this idea that artists have license, and by license I mean an excuse to do things that you ordinarily wouldn’t be encouraged to do, or that audiences wouldn’t necessarily be as quick to absorb.

So, when you’re talking about classic Christmas writing, for lack of a better word, you use clichéd Christmas terminology, you use certain chords, and harmonies, and instrumentations that you just wouldn’t do throughout the year. It leans on the slightly more sophisticated, slightly more musical, and that is really exciting for someone like me.

How much does the fact that your last name is Criss play into this?

If you play music and your last name is Criss, every year someone says, “You know what you should do?” as if they’re the first person who’s ever thought of this idea. So I’ve always wanted to do this; it was just a matter of time. And I also didn’t want it to be phoned in, I didn’t want it to seem like, “Oh, here’s some songs that you know already.”

I wrote this in my liner notes that my favorite thing to do with art, but particularly music, is curate, interpolate, create and personalize. That’s my main thing. I’m an OK singer, I’m an OK musician, but what I really think I have a yen for is trying to interpolate something new that people didn’t know before.

If you think about a song like “Jingle Bells,” it was not written for Christmas. It was a song from 200-something years ago that bears no mention of Christmas whatsoever, but we associate it so heavily with Christmas. Lately I hear Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” come up on Christmas playlists. I think it must have something to do with the Christian angle of the song and the reverence of the word “hallelujah,” but there’s no mention of Christmas.

So there’s a lot of different things that can make people feel like Christmas if you arrange it a certain way, and that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted this cocktail of songs that people didn’t know and I might be able to introduce to them in a really new, interesting way.

You duet with Adam Lambert, Evan Rachel Wood and Lainey Wilson. These people couldn’t be more different. How did you select your song partners for this?

Honestly, people are busy, so I leaned on friends of mine. The album is called A Very Darren Crissmas, and I wanted to make it just that. Songs that are very, very me, doing things that are very me, and using the talents of people who are legitimately in my life. Adam has been a pal for a long time. We’ve known each other from just adventures in Hollywood, but he, of course, was on Glee with me. Evan Rachel is a dear pal of mine; we’ve done some things together. She’s played my festival, and I’ve done comedy sketches with her and stuff. These are all extraordinarily talented singers. As I told them when I asked them to be a part of it, “I’d be very lucky to have you on this record.”

I had not met Lainey Wilson before I started this. But when you’re in Nashville, you are in the Olympic tent of USDA certified prime country singers. And that’s a bit of a blind spot for me as far as who’s on the up and up, who’s somebody that can really give a level of authenticity, legitimacy to a more classic ’50s Nashville sound, which is the song that I wrote called “Drunk on Christmas.” My producer Ron Fair, who has been living in Nashville for a while, suggested Lainey and we got on like a house on fire. She’s an extraordinary talent and I was happy to have her. These were all people that were part of this grassroots friend to friend thing. That’s how I got them and I’m very lucky that they’re on the record.

There are hundreds of Christmas songs. How did you choose what to include?

Choosing was extremely hard. I had a list of about 100 songs. I’m not done; this record is only phase one in my mind. There are so many songs that it will make your head spin. If you go, “Did you think about this song?” The answer is yes, and I absolutely had to deliberate which ones I had to triage out of the sequence.

I even said no to “The Christmas Song,” which is on the album. I didn’t want to do it because I was like, “Everybody knows it; it’s perfect by Nat King Cole,” and Mel Tormé [who wrote it] is one of my favorite artists of all time, much less songwriters and musicians. So I was like, “I don’t want to have to do that.” And on the day when we were there, we just had a guitar and said, “Let’s just do it for fun,” because I love singing that song. But I was like, “It’s been done perfectly too many times, I really don’t want to have to put myself up against that.” But we had a nice take, it’s live in the room. And hey, come on, it’s Christmas. So I left it on there.

If we were to come to your house during the holidays, what would you be listening to?

I’d probably sit you down and play you my favorite songs that you’ve never heard that I think are great Christmas songs. But what’s nice is I’ve now put those songs on this album, hopefully, in a perhaps delusional effort to standardize these songs in the Christmas pantheon. There has to be an air of delusion to being an artist in the first place. If one of these songs that no one’s ever heard before catches on with a family or a person and becomes part of their Christmas playlist every year, then I will have succeeded in my efforts.

What did the Emmy you won for The Assassination of Gianni Versace do for your career?

Although the Emmy has just my name on it, the number one thing that I’m most proud of is it’s more symbolic and representative of the work of the whole team. It is a validation and celebration of the really hard work of people that I spent a lot of time and energy with creating this role.

You have a couple voice roles coming up—in Trese and Yasuke—but what are we going to see you in next, not just hear you?

I don’t know. Let me know if there’s any opportunities. A huge reason for why this album was made was because I had the time. Making records takes a lot of time, and I’m envious of people who are just singers. I don’t know how people do that, that’s just not who I am. I’m a producer, I’m a writer, I’m a musician. It takes so much out of me to make a body of music because someone doesn’t say, “OK, here are the songs, show up on a Tuesday, you sing it and then you leave.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some of my favorite artists can do that and are blessed enough to be able to just do that. I can’t.

It takes so much time for me to really get in the weeds, arrange, edit vocals, edit instrumentation, mix tracks, really getting in the jungle of music production. I can’t function any other way and that takes an extraordinary amount of time. Even when there was a global pandemic, I still had deadlines that we could barely make to finish this album because that’s just how my brain works.

So I haven’t been able to act. I haven’t had an acting job in almost two years. That’s not entirely true. I’ve had little bit things during the pandemic, but no big series or films or anything like that. It’s just been mostly working from home and being as proactive as I can be. I started a weekly podcast with a friend of mine, I put out an EP. I’ve been extremely busy with high output and low visibility. I’m waiting for the next thing, but I’m not one to sit still. If you give me time, I’m going to fill all the spaces out. So I did that with music this past two years.

Are you going to go back to Broadway now that it’s opening again?

I don’t want to say anything that is not perhaps confirmed 100 percent, but I will say with full confidence that I have always had the intention of going back exactly where we started. I’ll let them announce what’s happening because every show is in its own unique holding pattern. But, yes, right before the shutdown I was doing American Buffalo in New York, and talk about the actor’s dream, that is right up there. Doing a great American play that I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve had a long history with that show, and I finally get to do it for real with two of my favorite actors—Sam Rockwell and Laurence Fishburne. They are two acting heroes of mine.

So I was in rehearsals for that. We were about to go into tech, and things got shut down. But we’re in a very fortunate position where you’ve got two huge movie stars, you have a very well-known play and you have a fixed set and just three guys. There are musicals that have orchestras, big choruses and huge set pieces, and the overhead and upkeep of these productions is quite complicated. And a lot of them, for that reason, fell by the wayside during the pandemic, and it’s an awful tragedy. But our set and our billboard and our posters are exactly where we left them. It’s kind of a trip. If you go to Circle in the Square, I keep telling people it’s the longest I’ve ever been on Broadway because it’s just sitting there dormant, waiting to be resurrected.

I think all of us are planning on going back. I think the show is scheduled to reopen almost to the day that it was supposed to open in 2020. We’ll see how the schedule ends up, but you have three guys whose heart and soul is the theater. I don’t want to speak for the other two guys, but I’m almost positive that all three of us would rather be doing that play on Broadway than anything else. So when I say I haven’t had an acting gig in two years, it’s been a comfort to know that that was waiting for me on the other end. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll be able to do it. We’ll have to make sure that everything is hunky-dory with theater audiences, et cetera, et cetera, but that’s the idea.

How did Ryan Murphy casting you in Glee change your life?

I said during my Emmy speech that actors are only as good as the moments they get. I used to say actors are only as good as the parts they get. Take that with a huge grain of salt, obviously, it’s not entirely true. But in context of that moment, certainly you can understand what I meant. Acting is a proactive craft, but in many respects it’s a passive career, where you have to hope and wait for a benefactor, a patron, a supporter to say, “OK, all right, kid, you’re up. I think you can do it.”

I think any artist’s life is a constant compromise between knowing what you can do and what you want to do, and having other people, audiences and creative authorities alike, have an idea of what you can do. You have to have that balance of somewhere in the middle, where hopefully you can rise to an occasion that you know you can do, that somebody’s going to give you the opportunity to do. But you’re not in control of that relationship, and so you have to sit and hope and pray that someone is going to give you that moment and that opportunity. That was something that I’m fully indebted to with Ryan.

Because he did say, “All right, kid, you’re up,” and gave me that shot. We talked about the The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story series for years before we did it. I didn’t think he was ever going to do it. By the time we started shooting, he probably mentioned it to me three or four years prior. And I kept asking about it like, “Hey, you still want to do this thing?” I think he was just always obsessed with the fact that I was half Filipino and that I bore a certain resemblance to the guy. Age and everything, it seems pretty spot-on. But he was a man of his word, and he really did end up making it. So I’m incredibly indebted to him and I’ve always been very effusive about that.

Now that you have this modicum of fame, what would you like to use it to accomplish?

For me, there are so many things that I love in this world that I don’t think other people are familiar with. One of the things about having a modicum of a platform is hopefully embracing that to use it as a gateway drug for stuff that people might not be familiar with. I don’t know if they’re going to like it as much as I do, but I’m looking at this track list and there are songs that I guarantee that you don’t know.

These are all things where I go, “OK, I have this moment of people’s attention, hopefully, this is a fun way to have them have eyes on something that I think is deserving of eyes, and not because of me, but because of other people who have made something amazing.” And, hopefully, they have the same proactive curiosity that I had growing up where I look at the liner notes and see who wrote the songs and where they came from. But we’ll see. We’ll see if people have that reaction.

You’ve accomplished so much. What’s the dream going forward?

The dream is to keep doing me, really. I think all you can do is be as true to yourself and try and do as accessible and as valuable work as you can. And, hopefully, in so doing, represent people, giving them visibility and encouragement towards their own place in the cultural conversation.

#darren criss #parade magazine #a very darren crissmas #press #oct 2021

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oblxvion · 4 years

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euphoric | eren jaeger (5)

-> pairing eren jaeger x f!reader

-> wc: 5.6k

-> warnings: use of alcohol, mentions of weed, swearing, angst, tiny bit of fluff at the end

you sat there in shock, with eren’s phone in your hands. you didn’t know how to feel, especially with the fact that you both had just had talked about your relationship together, and for him to receive this text, just proved to you that everything you knew about him in the past and what sasha had told you were true.

you didn’t know what to do but you sure as hell wanted to know what it was about. you quickly threw on your sweatpants and made your way to where eren was in the kitchen, quietly humming to himself as he was pouring your tea in a cup. he turned around to see you with your arms crossed, eyeing what he was doing.

“i got you mint tea, is that fine?” he handed you the cup, to which you accepted with a small smile.

“yeah that’s fine,” you said as you took a small sip of the drink he had given you. you wanted to ask him about the text but you didn’t know how to start the conversation. maybe you shouldn’t even bother and just ghost him until he comes crawling back, if he does. but part of you wanted to confront him about the text. he had told you that you were the only girl that he was seeing, now you weren’t so sure. you had his phone in your pocket and you had to think of a way to give it to him without him being suspicious but also striking up a conversation about the text.

“i brought your phone, i don’t know if you wanted it,” you interrupted the silence by taking his phone out of your pocket and sliding it across the table. you tapped the screen of his phone before taking your hand back so he could see the text that was sent to him minutes before.

eren looked down at his phone and felt his stomach drop. if you had brought him his phone, there was no doubt that you had seen the text as well. he didn’t even remember who’s number that was, much less the name of the person.

“so, who’s the chick?” you asked calmly but beginning to get agitated at the fact that eren had visibly tensed up when you had given him his phone.

“y/n, i-” eren was at a loss of words, he didn’t know what to say. he had no idea who the number was on his phone but he didn’t know what to say to you. you both had a conversation about where your relationship was standing less than a couple hours ago and for him to receive this text, and for you to see it, made him feel horrible.

“eren, honestly.” you sighed, putting your head in your hands before looking back up at him. “we literally just talked about what we were. who’s the girl?” you didn’t know what to feel. hurt? betrayal? you felt numb. was he playing you the whole time?

“i don’t know.”

“what do you mean ‘you don’t know?’” you scoffed as you stood up from your chair. he was acting as if he had no idea what was going on. “after everything eren? really? you’re seeing other girls? you lied to me?” you could feel your voice wavering, all the emotions slowly crashing down.

“y/n, baby, that’s not what this is.” eren got up from his seat and made his way over to you, resting his hands on your forearms. you were trembling with anger and eren was not helping the situation right now.

“don’t fucking ‘baby’ me, eren.” you pulled yourself out of his grasp, feeling the tears beginning to form in the corners of your eyes. “i don’t even know what to think. sasha told me about your past with historia, and frankly, i think she was trying to protect you as a friend for not mentioning the dozen other girls that you’ve fucked around with.”

he was well aware that he had a history with girls, he knew that he did have a reputation for talking girls up, making them fall for him, getting in their pants and then leaving. they always came back for seconds, but he never would really allow it, except for you and historia. things with you were different, you weren’t like other girls, he’d told you that before.

“i swear, y/n, i have no idea who that number is. i swore off other girls once i realized that i had a chance with you, i promise.” eren was practically begging you to believe him, but your gut feeling said otherwise.

“whatever, eren. i don’t have time for this.” you snapped back at him as you grabbed your keys from the counter top and made your way to the door, sliding your shoes on. you opened the door and looked back at him, leaning against the counter with his head in his hands.

“reach out to me when you feel like being honest with me.” you slammed the door behind you as you made your way out of the building.

eren was left all alone in his complex, wondering what he had done wrong. sure, he should have maybe blocked the other numbers in his phone once he started becoming serious about you. you had been the only person that he could really be somewhat vulnerable with, he didn’t want to lose you.

“fuck.”

you had made your way back to your car, hands shaking as you turned on the ignition. there were tears running down your face as you drove. how could you have been so blind?

it had been almost a week since you and eren had gotten into that argument. in fact, you wouldn’t really consider it an argument, you had just discovered that there were girls in his phone. if there are other girls texting him, does that mean he’s texting them back? what if he’s cheating? we’re not like dating, but we’re exclusive, right?

you hadn’t really left your room, only for food, the bathroom, or school. sasha had noticed. the day you had come home from eren’s, you went straight to your room and slammed the door. she didn’t know if was appropriate to ask you or not because you were clearly upset. you hadn’t been eating as much as you usually did, and she was beginning to get worried.

it was around 5 in the evening and you were just starting a new season of your show when you heard a soft knock on your door, pausing before the episode started.

“yeah?”

“hey, y/n,” sasha said softly, before shutting the door and making her way over to the edge of your bed. you shut your computer and set it beside you as you shifted to make yourself more comfortable. “how’ve you been? i’ve noticed-”

“i’m fine, sash.” you whined at your response, you didn’t mean to sound like a complete bitch, especially to sasha. “fuck, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to sound like an ass.”

“don’t worry about it.” she brushed it off as she came and sat next to you on your bed. you wrapped your arms around her waist, you could feel that you were about to break down, and sasha could too. “now, do you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

you took a few deep breaths, you knew that if you talked about the situation with eren that you would break down. but you had cried in front of sasha before, she was your best friend.

“okay, basically, i was at eren’s, right? after we had the whole conversation about our relationship. oh, did i tell you that historia practically barged in on our date?” you had decided to start from the beginning, hopefully you’d be able to be calmed down when you got to the part about the text.

“no way.” sasha’s jaw slacked in complete shock. “what’d she say?”

“she kinda just came up to us, acting all bestie with eren. he was annoyed about it, but then she brought up how he had talked about me a lot when they used to hang, which made me uncomfortable. so i ended up telling her off, but i felt bad afterwards because she seems like a nice person.” you sighed, burying your face into her side, trying to hide your embarrassment from being mean to historia.

“well, if she was bothering you, you had every right to tell her to leave. she’s sweet, but i’m not gonna lie, she can be a bit much sometimes.” her comment made you chuckle, sasha never failed to bring you out of a bad spot. “i don’t mean to pry but what happened with eren? you came home pretty pissed off earlier this week.”

“jesus, don’t even get me started.” sasha gave you a look that said ‘uh-oh’ before you continued on with your story. “we fucked when we got home from our date, and he went to go get me a drink when some bitch texted him.”

“you’re joking.”

“nope.” you enunciated the p as you sat up in your bed, back against the headboard. “when i confronted him about it, he kept saying that ‘it isn’t what it looks like’ and that he ‘swore off’ hooking up with girls when he realized that he had a chance with me. i didn’t believe him because my gut feeling was telling me that there was something up.”

“wow. that’s fucked,” sasha was getting angry herself, especially after she had personally texted eren and told him not to fuck with you. “if i’m being honest, i’m not surprised. he’s done this to many other girls in the past.”

“yeah, i guess i kinda got swooped into it.” you laughed as you played with your hair. “but i still care about him, you know? he told me that he sees me differently than those other girls in the past. it’s just, i don’t really know how to feel.”

“have you talked to him?” he had been texting you the first two days after you had left, trying to see you and talk to you as an attempt to clear up what happened. you only gave him dry responses, saying that you were busy or you weren’t feeling well. he’d ask to come and comfort you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to see him, so you turned him down. after that, he’d stopped reaching out to you.

“i mean he texted me a bit at the beginning of the week but he’s stopped now after i told him repeatedly that i was busy.” you said quietly as you played with your fingers.

“he probably wanted to give you some space,” she reassured you as she made her way off the bed, opening the doors to your very messy closet. “but, let’s not mope! we need to get you out of the house.” sasha looked through your clothes, as if she was trying to look for something, but she had no luck. you always seemed to have all the sweatpants and baggier clothing whereas she spent a lot of her money on the flashy clothes. you didn’t mind though, the both of you shared your clothes like siblings.

“ugh, where are we going?” you sighed, not wanting to go out. but part of you thought it was a good idea, since you had practically been barricaded in your room the whole week. by the looks of it, it seemed that she was trying to get you to go to a party. you hadn’t been to one in a while considering everything, but this sounded fun. “is it a party?”

“you bet!” she flashed a smile before it faded away slowly, leaving you confused.

“sasha, what’s wrong?”

“nothing, it’s just that historia’s hosting it…” she said quietly before scratching the back of her head, looking back over to you. “she told me she texted you.”

“oh.” you didn’t really know what to say, how did she get your number? you guys shared some friends so that could be it. you reached over to your phone, not seeing any texts from unknown numbers but then you remembered that your phone filtered out unknown numbers. you clicked there and saw the text she had sent you.

(***)-***-****

hey y/n! it’s historia, i’m hosting a party later

on friday at 8 if u wanna come!

i feel like i started off on the wrong

foot w/ u and i wanna fix that

hope u can come!

you reread the text, and thought about what she had said. she did piss you off in the beginning and you were a total bitch to her, so partially it was both of you to blame. her text was nice, and it made you rethink some of the things that you had thought about her before.

y/n

hi! im sorry i didn’t see this until now

but i’d love to!

dw ab what happened

we can start fresh :)

you began to realize that you shouldn’t be mad at historia for what she did, but eren for how he treated her. you have known him for a while and you never really knew about what he did with girls or to them, but you knew that he did have a large body count.

“what’d she say?” sasha asked, taking you out of your trend of thought.

“oh, she just invited me and said that we got off on the wrong foot and how she wanted to fix it. i told her not to worry about it and that i’d come.”

“ah, i’m glad!” she beamed, turning towards the door of your room. “let’s go look in my room for some cute clothes for tonight! you need to forget about eren and have some fun!” you gave her a weak smile before getting out of your bed and following her out the door to her room.

she opened the door to her closet, revealing more presenting clothes, noticing that some of them were yours but you didn’t say anything. she rummaged through, humming to herself quietly before pulling out a black slip dress with a slit on the side.

“here, try this on!” she grinned, handing you the dress. you gave her a unsure look before slipping the dress off of the hanger. “put it on!”

you undressed yourself before sliding the dress over your body, it fit perfectly on you. you didn’t like the way that your bra straps were showing so you opted to go braless for the night. the dress made your curves pop out, all you needed now was a bit of jewelry and you were going to be set.

“sasha, this is perfect!” you gushed, pulling her into a hug. you felt really confident in this outfit.

“you look so hot, y/n. i swear, the guys will be all over you.”

“oh, stop it,” you gave her a playful smack before turning around and looking into the mirror. the dress was perfect, you felt hot.

she continued to look through her closet to find an outfit for her to wear, deciding to go with jeans and a cute backless top. she looked really good, you made sure to tell her that.

“so, what time should we leave?” you questioned, peering over at her as she threw her hair up in her infamous ponytail.

“well, she did say that it started around like 8, so let’s go around 8:30. being the first ones there would be weird.” sasha was always one to show up fashionably late, especially to a party. she thought it was awkward to be the first people at events, you agreed with her.

“ok, so i have time to shower and take a quick nap!” you beamed as you made your way to the door of her room.

“you and your naps, i swear.” she joked, before taking off her outfit and placing it on her bed. “i’m gonna shower and i’ll wake you up so you can shower after i’m done.”

“perfect!”

“y/n!” you woke up to the sound of the sasha opening your door, letting you know that it was around 7 and that it was your turn to shower, to which you nodded your head. you grabbed your bathrobe and exited your room.

you entered the bathroom and turned on the shower for the water to get hot before you took off your clothes that you had slept in. you stepped inside and felt the warm water hit your back, remembering the time that eren was in with you. you felt yourself smile, reminiscing about the feeling of being so close to him. you still cared about him, but the thought of him lying to you and talking to, maybe even seeing, other girls, just didn’t sit right with you. was he lying to you the whole time? and tonight, would he show? he said that he disliked historia and hadn’t spoken to her in a while since seeing her earlier that week. there’s no way he would be there.

you made sure to shave your legs and your intimate parts, along with washing your hair. before you knew it, the water began to run cold, signaling you that your shower was done. you grabbed the towel that you had set on the toilet beside the shower, wrapping your body. you took a second towel and dried your hair a bit before moisturizing your form and reaching for your bathrobe.

part of you hoped eren would be there, but the other didn’t even want to look at him. why were you so attached? why were things so confusing?

the door to the bathroom opened and sasha came in with her makeup bag in hand.

“the lighting here is better, hope you don’t mind!” she said as she placed her bag down next to the sink. she was in her outfit for tonight and her hair was half-up half-down.

“oh, no i don’t mind at all!” your voice wavered and she noticed it.

“what’s up?”

“nothing!” you denied before making your way over to the door. “it’s fine, i’ll come join you in a sec, ‘kay?”

“whatever you say,” she laughed as she shook her head before taking out her makeup.

the door to your room was still opened, like you had left it. you slipped the dress on and grabbed your makeup bag to meet sasha back in the bathroom. you didn’t know why you were so nervous, it was just a party, you had been to plenty before. so why were you feeling this way now?

you shook off the feeling and began to put on your makeup beside sasha, chatting away at how she was hoping that niccolo would be there. she really seemed to have interest in him, in a way you felt jealous. he was always treating her with respect, while eren did that to you.

“i’m gonna play some music, y’know, to get us hyped up and stuff like that,” you announced as you played your favorite playlist. you partially wanted to play the music to keep your mind at ease and forget about eren to focus on the party.

“oh my god, i love this song!” sasha squealed as she danced in the mirror, earning a laugh from you. this continued until sasha got a text from connie asking when the two of you were going to head over, offering to pick you up on the way.

“i think that’d be smart,” you told her as you applied setting spray, “cuz then we won’t have to worry about driving.” she nodded her head and told him that it’d be great if he could lend a hand.

“so,” she set her phone down, and looked at her complete makeup look in the mirror before turning over to you. “jean and connie should be here around 8, it’s 7:50 now.”

“that sounds good, i should be done any minute.” you had opted to leave your hair natural, just gently brushing it. they arrived a bit earlier than expected, so you and sasha went to the door, slipping on your shoes. both making sure that you had everything you needed for the night.

by the time you arrived with sasha and the two other boys, there was a large amount of people outside and inside the house. the house was massive, she must have some very wealthy parents who lived near the school. the sound of music and the smell of weed wafted through once you entered. you were greeted by people that you didn’t really remember, but you didn’t mind. people were eyeing your outfit, asking you to talk but you merely turned them down.

“someone’s popular! i’m gonna go get us some drinks, ‘kay?” sasha called over to you as she walked over towards the kitchen.

“okay!” you yelled back over the music. it had been a while since the last time you partied but you missed the feeling. you made your way over to the living room and saw armin and annie chatting over in the corner. “hey guys!”

“hey y/n!” armin exclaimed, he seemed happy to see you. annie mumbled a quiet hey before taking another swig of her drink. “how’ve you been?”

“oh, y’know the usual,” you shrugged before sliding your phone in the light weight jacket you had brought with you. “i’ve been cooped up for so long so i decided to come out of my cave.”

“yeah of course, i get that. how did your exams go?” he asked, setting his drink down on the table beside him.

“they were fine, i hopefully should be getting my grades back soon. thanks for your help by the way, i would’ve failed without you.”

“it’s no biggie, don’t worry about it.” he chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head. “hey, are you here with eren?” so he doesn’t know? wait, is he here?

“no, him and i are in a rough spot right now.” you sighed, looking around for sasha who had promised to bring you a drink but she was still nowhere to be seen.

“what happened, if you don’t mind me asking?” annie spoke up, clearly intrigued by where the conversation was going.

“just the fact that i was at his place and we had just fucked, and then some girl texted him.”

“oh, so he cheated?” she questioned.

“well no, i don’t know. i kinda was really upset so i didn’t leave him much time to explain himself.” you had left his place in such a rush that you barely gave him a chance to speak, partially because you didn’t want to hear what he had to say. the text was enough for you.

“fuck, i’m sorry y/n.” armin apologized before opening his mouth to speak again but you cut him off.

“do you know where historia is? i want to thank her for inviting me.” the two of them were clearly uncomfortable but sasha came over just in time with your drink.

“here y/n, i got your favorite! oh hey guys!” she beamed as she handed you your beverage.

“sasha! it’s good to see you!” they continued to chat as you looked around the room trying to figure out if eren was actually here. armin’s comment about you arriving with him did not go unnoticed by him.

“eren’s here and he’s talking to historia but i couldn’t tell y/n that, considering everything.” armin whispered, leaning over to sasha. she was furious at eren, he was doing it to you now too?

“y/n, let’s go take some shots!” she urged you, hoping that you hadn’t heard what armin had just said. much to her despair, you had heard and your heart dropped once again. you nodded your head, hoping that a few shots would help.

before you knew it, you were more than a few shots deep. the alcohol giving you a buzz and it made you feel like you couldn’t give a fuck about what was going on around you. you felt free, dancing across the living room with sasha while the music blared throughout the room. you couldn’t help but feel a pair of eyes watching you.

“sasha, baby! i love you!” you slurred before grabbing the handle of vodka and taking a long sip. the feeling burned your throat as you reach for a glass of water to wash down the feeling.

“i love you more!” she dragged out her words and pulled you into a hug before a tall blonde came in between the both of you.

“wow, you guys are fucked.” he laughed before bringing his head down so you both could hear. “sasha, niccolo is asking where you are, he’s over by the kitchen taking with a few of his buddies.”

“you go have fun, you will be my new dance partner!” you dragged him onto the dance floor as sasha gave you a cheeky smile. you and many other moved your bodies to the beat as he looked at you in awe, he didn’t know who you were but you interested him.

“what’s your name?” he yelled over the music as he came behind you putting his hands on your waist. you were equally as drunk as he was.

“i’m y/n!” you responded as you brought your hands on top of his. you couldn’t deny it, he was insanely attractive.

“i’m reiner.”

you could feel yourself growing hot, it probably was the alcohol. you were way past your limit, and thank god you had eaten earlier because you probably would’ve been over at the toilet. his hands on your body felt different than eren’s, like he was trying to be careful with you, as if you were a doll.

his name was called over the crowd and he apologized quickly before going over to where it was called from. “i’m gonna grab us some drinks, i’ll be back.”

“i’m gonna go find historia and thank her for inviting me!” you shot him a sloppy thumbs up as you turned around to go find the blonde girl. you weaved through the people, trying to find her.

it seemed impossible with the amount of people, but when you turned the corner into one of the rooms near the living room, you saw her standing there and whispering with some dude. a tall guy with a loose man bun to be exact.

eren.

it took everything in your drunken will-power to not go up to him and slap him.

“historia!” you sang as you swayed your way over to the two.

“y/n! i’m so glad you could come!” she squealed as she brought you into a hug. “i’m so sorry about before i felt really bad about it afterwards.”

“no worries! thank you so much for inviting me!” you pulled out of the hug and gave her a smile.

eren didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to say to you. he just stood there as you talked to historia. more importantly, he had told you that he hadn’t talked to historia in a while and how he didn’t like her, you basically had caught him in a lie.

the way he was standing there, not saying anything, with historia, was driving you mad.

“hey, eren, how are the girls? having fun?” you scowled as you stepped closer to him. you didn’t know what to say, your mind was clouded with alcohol. he was taken aback by your words, you really had no idea. his lack of response is what pushed you over the edge.

“you know what? fuck. you.” you seethed, bringing your hand up to his face with a hard slap before turning around on your heel.

“y/n, please, you’re drunk.” he reached out and grabbed your forearm. he needed to explain everything, he didn’t know what feelings you had endured this past week but he wanted to make it right.

“no, eren. let me go, please.” you felt the tears brim your eyes as you tried to turn away. he could hear the hurt in your voice, loosening his grip on your arm as you wiggled away and walked away through the crowd without turning back. “go be with her, for all i care. i’m leaving.”

what am i doing?

“y/n, that’s not - ” historia began as she reached out to you, before eren stopped her.

“let me go talk to her, she’s not in her right head right now.” he was worried, he didn’t want you to go do something stupid because of him. you meant so much to him, he had to clear things up with you. he left historia standing there and followed you through the crowd. he asked around if people had seen you, some saying they had no idea who you were and others just ignoring him. he needed to find you. the thought of some guy taking advantage of you while you were this drunk and emotionally unstable made his blood boil.

he searched all the open rooms in the house, only to find that you weren’t there. the only place he could think of where you would’ve gone would be outside. when he opened the front door, he saw you sitting down at the curb, it looked like you were waiting for some ride. he felt relieved, finding you here instead of inside.

“hey,” he whispered quietly before sitting beside you, leaving some space between the two of you just incase.

“go away, eren.” your held your knees to your chest, seeing him would only make you break down.

i need to leave.

“can you at least let me explain?” your lack of response pushed him to continue. “the text, i have no idea who sent it, i’m not lying. whoever it was, i told them i wasn’t single anymore. and i haven’t been seeing other girls. back there, i was talking to historia trying to figure out how to work things out with you, you mean too much to me. nothing else, i promise.”

you still didn’t respond, you didn’t know how to feel. you weren’t necessarily ready to talk to him about this yet. eren could tell, but he didn’t need to hear your response yet. he just wanted to explain his side of the story so you’d hopefully understand. along with your relationship, your entire friendship was on the line. he didn’t want to fuck that up over some random girl who wanted to get fucked.

“i just wanna go home, eren.” you whimpered, bringing your head to your knees to hide your face.

“okay, i can drive you.” he offered.

“didn’t you drink? i don’t want you driving if you drank too much. i can uber it’s fine.”

“nah, i barely had a beer. i was too anxious anyways. plus, i don’t want you getting in the car with some creep.” he gave you an apologetic smile before standing up and reaching his hand out of you to grab. you looked up at him and latched your hand onto his as he hoisted you up onto your feet. you stumbled into his chest as he held you there. he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way but the way you gripped onto his shirt with your fingers with your soft whimpers, made his heart ache.

“c’mon, let’s get you home.” he brought his lips down to your forehead, not sure if it was okay to do. his hand traveled up to your back holding you against him, his heartbeat steadying.

the car ride home was silent, but it was comforting. you both were gonna have to talk about this tomorrow once you were sober. you could feel yourself slowly drift off to sleep in the passenger seat of eren’s car.

once eren had arrived, he noticed that you still hadn’t stirred in your sleep. it was quite cute seeing you all cuddled up and he didn’t want to disturb you. he opened the door quietly and gently maneuvered you into his arms, carrying you bridal style through your complex and up to your apartment

he noticed that sasha still hadn’t returned from the party. you were cuddled up against his chest, breathing ever so softly. he smiled to himself, he was glad to have gotten that off of his chest earlier.

he brought you into your room and gently set you down on the bed. sleeping in a dress would’ve been uncomfortable so he undressed you slowly, making sure not to wake you. he grabbed one of the oversized t-shirts that was on your desk when you had forgotten to do your laundry and he slid it over your form. he made sure to take off your makeup with the makeup remover that he had found in the bathroom.

before he left, he made sure to tuck you in bed and shut off the lights. eren wasn’t sure if he should leave incase if anything happened in your drunken state. he looked over at you from the door. you looked so small, all cozy in your covers. your lips parted as you breathed in and out slowly.

he knew that he messed up earlier and gave you the wrong idea, but he’d do everything he could to make it right. you meant too much to him to be just one of those girls.

“goodnight, y/n.”

#eren jeager #eren yaeger x y/n #eren jaeger smut #eren jaeger x reader #eren smut #snk eren #snk smut #snk x reader #snk #attack on titan smut #attack on titan #attack on titan eren #euphoric series #eren aot #eren #aot fanfiction #aot smut #aot x reader #aot

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criminalmindzjunkie · 4 years

Text

The Reward of Suffering (Part Six)

previous chapter

Summary: Spencer comes face to face with a ghost from the past.

A/N: Hey... how y’all doin? Long time no see, huh? Sorry about that - hopefully this extra long update will make up for my absence. This has definitely been my favorite part thus far, and I had so much fun writing it. I hope you guys enjoy reading it. You guys know the drill by now: SPOILERS for season 12. Also, shoutout to @zhuzhubii for posting the absolute best set of gifs right in time for this update - you’re the coolest.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Warnings: cursing, mentions of death, mentions of rape, mentions of mental illness, kidnapping, choking

Word Count: 10.3k

With every clack of my heels on the concrete floors, the nervous feeling in my gut grows into full blown nausea. It’s been nearly two months since I last walked these halls, but somehow it feels like a lifetime has passed. Considering everything that transpired in the last forty-eight hours, it makes sense that I feel that way.

I hadn’t been on the team when Lindsey Vaughn first came into the picture ten years ago, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t familiar. At the time, I thought nothing of the kind neighbor that I sometimes passed in the stairwell on my way to Spencer’s apartment. I mean, why would I? I had no reason to be suspicious. Our interactions never went beyond the usual pleasantries – polite smiles and the occasional greeting – and I never gave her a second thought.

Maybe if I had, Cassie wouldn’t be dead, and Spencer’s mother wouldn’t be missing.

I shake my head at the thought. Now isn’t the time to ruminate on what ifs. I would have plenty of time to blame myself when all of this is over. Instead of torturing myself, I focus on trying to steady my breathing as I come to a stop just before I reach the interview room of the Milburn Correctional Facility.

I know what lies beyond that door, and I’m equal parts excited and worried. Excited, because I’d finally be able to see Spencer after two long months of daydreaming about when I’d finally hold him in my arms again. Of course, it was very possible that Spencer wouldn’t want to see me. After all, I promised to keep his mother safe, and instead of doing that, I let myself get swept up in moving in to my apartment, and now Diana was God knows where.

I was so sure that he wouldn’t want to see me that I’d initially suggested that Emily be the one to go to the prison and get him. My idea was met with a sad smile and a pat on the shoulder.

“I think that if it was anyone but you standing there when they open that door, it’d break his heart.”

Her reassurances did little to assuage my nerves. I spent the entire ride here running over every possible scenario that I could imagine, scrambling to form some kind of game plan. But now that I was here, any semblance of preparedness left me the second the guard reached for the door handle.

“You ready, ma’am?”

Yes.

No.

I don’t trust my voice, so I settle on nodding my head. The door opens with a groan, rusty hinges creaking in protest, and with shaky legs and a heart that threatens to beat out of my chest, I step into the doorway.

It’s like the world stops turning on its axis when his eyes meet mine. Those familiar pools of caramel stare back at me with such an intensity that I force myself to look away, petrified at the prospect of seeing disappointment in them.

I trail my eyes over his frame, drinking in every inch of him - every bruise and every scrape feeling like a dagger to my heart. My eyes linger on the bandage adorning his left arm, before trailing down to the one on his leg. Emily had warned me about happened, about Spencer injuring himself in order to secure his safety. It was smart of him - that I knew - but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t horrified.

His hair has gotten longer, and his curls hang limply around his face. The usually clean-shaven Spencer I once knew was a thing of the past - replaced now by a more disheveled, scruffier version.

Clean-shaven or not, he still looks just as breathtaking as always.

I hesitantly raise my eyes up to his again. He’s staring at me still, mouth parted in shock. He doesn’t look angry, just confused, and that fills me with a tiny sliver of hope.

“Hi, Spence,” I murmur, voice thick with emotion. It’s not until I speak that I realize I’m crying, and I hastily wipe at my cheeks with my shirtsleeve.

The dazed look in Spencer’s eyes washes away when he hears my voice and he blinks hard.

“What… H-How are you…?” he trails off, eyes moving up and down my body.

It feels so fucking good to hear his voice again, and I find myself unable to hold back a sob.

“M’ here to take you home,” I choke out.

It’s like all the tension in Spencer’s body is expelled at once and his shoulders slump in relief. I open my mouth to elaborate, to explain how Emily had managed to pull this off, but I’m stunned into silence when Spencer’s body collides with mine. I hadn’t even had time to process that he was moving before his arms snake around me, tugging me forward until there’s no space in between our bodies. Spencer’s hands collect fistfuls of my shirt, clinging desperately to the fabric as he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck.

Once I get over the initial shock, I’m hugging him back, arms locked around his torso in a vicelike grip. He doesn’t smell the same – the usual fragrance of cinnamon and vanilla is long gone, replaced with that of some generic detergent – but the way his broad shoulders feel underneath my palms is something so familiar that I can’t help but smile against his chest.

This is still my Spencer.

Spencer lets out a shaky breath against my skin and I let out an involuntary shudder at the feeling.

“Missed you so fucking much,” Spencer whispers. “I-I can’t believe you’re here. Thought I was imagining it.” Spencer takes a shaky breath in, nuzzling further into my neck. His next words are muffled from the way his lips press against my skin, but I’m still able to make out the quiet ‘I’m sorry’.

“You’re sorry?” I hiccup, eyebrows scrunching up in disbelief. I attempt to pull away so that I can look at him, but Spencer only tightens his grip on me. Something about it makes my chest feel incredibly warm, but I push that feeling aside for now. “I’m the one that’s sorry. I should’ve done more – I should’ve visited more often. I let myself get busy, and if I’d just been more careful, then your m-mom… she wouldn’t be-”

“Stop that,” Spencer interrupts, and this time he’s the one that pulls away. He holds me at arm’s length and those beautiful brown eyes lock with mine. “This is absolutely not your fault.”

Spencer’s hands come up to cup either side of my face and his thumbs wipe away at the tears on my cheeks. “You’ve done so much for me – for her. I’m sorry that I took you off the list. Things were getting so bad here, and if something would have happened to you…” Spencer pauses, closing his eyes and leaning down until his forehead rests against mine. “It was never because I didn’t want to see you, I promise. And… And your letter - I can’t even begin to explain how much that helped. I’m sorry that I couldn’t write back. I didn’t know what to say. Especially not after…”

He doesn’t elaborate, but I’m able to fill in the blanks myself. I bring my hand up and rest it on top of his.

“S’okay, Spence. I know,” I whisper. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I understand.”

Spencer hums and a ghost of a smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

“Time to get you out of here, Doc.” I remove his hand from my face and give it a reassuring squeeze. “Let’s go get your mom back.”

Spencer opens his eyes and for the first time in two months I’m on the receiving end of my favorite smile in the whole world.

I lead him from the room, never once removing my hand from his. Now that I have him back, I don’t ever want to let go.

For the second time today, the clacking of my heels against the concrete floor is the only sound that can be heard. Spencer moves silently beside me, his face pulled into a somber expression as we stalk down the long corridor. His hand brushes against mine, and I long to reach out and intertwine our fingers like I had only hours before. I suppress the urge, stealing one last, poorly concealed glance at him before I settle my gaze on the door at the end of the hall.

In the last several hours, the entire case had been flipped upside down. We’d been wrong all along – Scratch wasn’t to blame for the shit show that had transpired over the last three months. It’d been an easy enough mistake to make. After the incident with Tara’s brother, Scratch was the obvious choice. Pair that with the fact that Spencer had been drugged and we had no reason to suspect anyone else.

Cat Adams was the last thing on everyone’s mind when Mexico happened. It’d been over a year since Spencer outsmarted her in that restaurant, and she was very much out of sight and out of mind. She was in a maximum-security prison, for fuck’s sake. That alone should have rendered her unable to carry out a scheme this convoluted.

But apparently that meant nothing, because Cat had somehow managed to be the mastermind behind this whole ordeal, perfectly orchestrating the entire thing from her cell in solitary confinement – using Lindsey Vaugh as her metaphorical puppet on a string. We’d sorely underestimated Cat, and our arrogance had come back to bite us all in the ass.

A guard that stands at the end of the hall opens the door for us, and I feel an intense rush of foreboding as we step into the room. The sound of the guard closing the door behind us brings a sense of finality to the situation; there is no turning back now. Either we walk out of here knowing Diana’s whereabouts, or we miss the mark completely and loose Diana in the process.

I cast a worried look at Spencer, whose eyes are trained on the double-sided glass. The tension has returned to his shoulders, and his fists are clenched tightly at his sides. There’s a sort of fiery determination in his eyes – a sort of menacing resolve that I’d never seen in him before.

Spencer looks intimidating, and nothing like the Spencer that was led from the courtroom three months ago. I pull my eyes away in favor of looking through the glass.

Reid had been able to see through Cat’s mind games the first time, but the Cat that sat on the other side of that door is a far cry from the one he encountered a year ago. If she’d looked cold and calculating before, she looks downright deranged now.

“Are you sure you want to go in there alone?” I ask after a moment. “I could-”

“No,” Spencer cuts me off. His tone is hard and definite, warning me not to argue. “I can’t ask you to do that. Emily shouldn’t have made you come in the first place.”

“Emily told me to come with you because she knew that there was nothing she could do to make me stay.” I pause long enough to shoot him a weak smile. “Hope you enjoyed your three-month break from me, because I’m going to practically glued to your side from now on. You’ll be dying to get rid of me in a month’s time.”

Spencer’s lips twitch, threatening to turn up into a smile.

“I sincerely doubt that.”

“We’ll see,” I breeze. “But I’m serious, Spence. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here the whole time – I’m not letting you go in there alone, and I’m not going to leave you.”

“Promise?” Spencer asks, finally pulling his eyes away from the window in favor of looking at me. There’s a sadness in his eyes that wasn’t there before, and the weight of his gaze is so heavy that I worry I might buckle under it.

I reach for his hand and hook my pinky finger around his, lifting our intertwined hands to eye level.

“I promise.”

Spencer’s pinky finger squeezes mine and he closes his eyes.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve the world, Spence.”

For a moment I think he’s going to say something else, but then Spencer’s lips press into a tight line and he only nods in response. He releases my hand and I let it fall limply at my side. Spencer rolls his shoulders back, and that stony expression returns to his face. He reaches out and pulls open the door, and I follow closely behind him at he steps over the threshold.

It’s as if I’m invisible; Cat doesn’t even spare me a glance when I enter the room. Her eyes, narrowed and sparkling with amusement, hone in on Spencer immediately.

“Spencie,” she greets, smiling deviously up at him.

“Where’s my mother?” Spencer asks, completely devoid of emotion.

“I missed you.”

“What did you and Lindsey do to her? How did you-”

Cat raises a hand, effectively cutting him off. She points a finger at him, and the smile that she previously wore is replaced by a grimace.

“Now, stop. You don’t get to walk in here and hiss at me like I’m the criminal. No – we’re going to do this my way.” Cat kicks the chair that sits on the opposite side of the table and Spencer reaches out to grab it. “Have a seat.”

Spencer complies and Cat’s smile returns.

“How was prison? Did you like it?”

“No.”

Cat hums.

“It’s not fun, is it?”

“Unlike you, I didn’t deserve to be there,” Spencer retorts.

Cat leans forward, crossing her arms before resting them on the metal table.

“How did you stay sane? A brain like yours needs stimulation in such a gray place.”

“I worked in the laundry room and I played chess.”

“That’s three, maybe four hours, tops. What about the other twenty?”

“I read.”

Cat shakes her head. “That’s still not enough. You have to… go someplace.” She taps the side of her head. “Up here. Or else you go crazy. Do you want to see where I go? I’ll show you.” Cat crooks a finger at Spencer, and I tense at the gesture. The idea of that psychotic bitch getting any closer to him makes my skin crawl. I clench my fists together and the feeling of my nails digging into my palms is enough to ground me.

Spencer leans forward, mimicking Cat’s relaxed position. She reaches a hand out towards him, and before I can think better of it, I speak up.

“Hands off,” I warn.

Cat halts her movements and fixes me with an irritated expression, looking me up and down distastefully before turning her attention back to Spencer.

“Close your eyes,” she instructs him. Spencer complies. “Good. Now keep them closed. Sit back and relax. When you open your eyes, I want you to look at me like I’m the first woman you’ve seen after being in prison for three months.”

I clench my jaw at that. Something stirs in my chest – something foreign and possessive that has me bristling. I tense, watching closely as Spencer opens his eyes and smiles that beautiful smile at Cat. My stomach turns painfully at the sight.

“Hello, Cat,” Spencer greets her, and all the contempt his tone previously held is gone – replaced with a neutrality that bordered on happiness.

Cat lets out a pleased laugh.

“You’re here!” she exclaims, throwing her arms out as she gestures about the room. “You’re really here.”

“There is nowhere else I would rather be,” Spencer replies, sounding startlingly genuine.

This is all an act, I remind myself. Spencer’s just playing a part. None of this is real.

Cat crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow at him.

“You’re good at this. You’re so good at this that I almost believe that you don’t want to kill me.”

“I don’t want to kill you,” Spencer says with a shake of his head.

“No?”

“No.”

Cat narrows her eyes at him.

“What if I let your mother die?” she inquires. “Then would you kill me? Or would you just…” Cat trails of as she leans forward. “… Hurt me? Would you pin me down and leave bruises that don’t go away?”

I swallow hard against the bile that threatens to crawl its way up my throat. Spencer might not want to kill her, but I do.

“Is that what you want?”

Cat shrugs her shoulders.

“I guess I just want to know if you would – if you could.”

Spencer gives a small shake of his head.

“No.”

“No?” Cat taunts, cocking her head to the side.

“It’s not the kind of man I am.”

Cat’s face drops and her eyes narrow into slits.

“Do me a favor and tell your little chaperone over there to step aside, because we’re going to play another game. And this time, we’re going to find out exactly what kind of man you are.”

Spencer’s eyes flit to me and he nods towards the door. I open my mouth to argue, but the pleading look in his eyes has me clamping it shut. It’s okay, his eyes seem to tell me. I know you promised, but I’ll be fine.

Cat waves at me as I reluctantly move towards the door. When the door clicks shut behind me, Spencer takes it as his invitation to continue.

“Let’s play,” his voice sounds through the speaker to my left.

“Let’s!” Cat exclaims before resting her head in her hand.

“So, is it the same game as last time?” Spencer inquires. “I answer every question you ask honestly?”

“No,” Cat sighs out. “This time you get to ask the questions.”

Spencer raises an eyebrow at her. “About what?”

“Well, I know a secret about you. And you can ask me as many questions as you like to figure it out. But you only get one guess as to what it is. If you guess correctly, I take your phone, I call our friend Lindsey, and I tell her to release your dear mother unharmed. If you don’t…” Cat trails off, before mimicking bringing a gun up to her mouth and firing.

Crazy fucking bitch.

“Is there a clock?”

“There’s always a clock.” Cat holds out her hand, eyes flicking down to Spencer’s watch. “Give it to me.”

I cringe when Spencer hesitates – I know what he must be thinking. That’s Gideon’s watch. The only thing he has left of him. I’d never seen Spencer without it in the two years I’ve known him.

Spencer reluctantly slips the watch off of his wrist and hands it over.

Cat smirks and slides the watch onto her arm.

“Now, you’ll have four hours.”

“Do you want to give me a hint before we start?”

Cat chuckles. “Do I look like a girl that gives hints?” “Actually, you do.”

Cat takes pause, looking Spencer up and down before speaking.

“Okay, how about this; it’s a secret you’ll never admit to.”

“I know what the secret is.”

Cat quirks an eyebrow up at Spencer.

“You do?”

He nods. “Why else would you put me through all this?”

“Ooh, phrasing it in the form of a question that way it doesn’t count as a guess. Very smart, Doctor.”

“I’m gonna walk you through a scenario, and your face is going to tell me how close I am,” Spencer murmurs, an amused smile on his lips. He leans forward to rest his elbows on the table. “From the moment I arrested you, you watched and waited for the right time to take your revenge. When you learned I was going to Mexico, you took it. You and Lindsey framed me for murder so I’d be put in a prison and treated like a criminal, and then you kidnapped my mother so I would know how it feels to have a parent manipulated, because you want to prove that you and I are the same. Am I right?”

Cat feigns a yawn in response.

“Mm. Sorry, I couldn’t hold that in any longer. What were you saying?”

“Psychopaths tend to get bored easily.”

“You’re right. Let’s speed this up,” Cat sighs with a roll of her eyes. She pushes away from the table, standing up and walking over to Spencer’s side of the table. I fight the urge to barge in when I see her take a seat on his lap. Cat runs a hand down Spencer’s chest before she continues. “Shall we? What do you think about all the pain you’ve suffered in your life? What would I capitalize on, do you think? Is it… the death of your mentor, SSA Jason Gideon?”

I can see the way Spencer’s jaw clenches and it makes my heart lurch painfully in my chest.

“No, because we caught the man who killed him.”

“What about Agent Morgan and your guilt over not visiting his little boy?” Cat whispers in his ear as her hands fiddle with the collar of his suit.

“I was in prison.”

“Yeah, but you had time before that. Why didn’t you go?” she presses as she grazes her nails down the length of his throat. I see red when her hand loosely circles around his neck. Spencer absolutely loathes being touched by anyone other than those closest to him, and I’ve no doubt that he’s horribly uncomfortable.

“Truthfully, I got distracted. I was trying to figure out a way to help my mom. She didn’t have time. Morgan, Savannah, and little Bobby did. So, there’s absolutely no shame in admitting that. Morgan would understand.”

“I agree. That’s why that’s not the secret,” Cat divulges, brushing her nose against the side of his face before pulling away and standing up. I let out the breath that I’d apparently been holding and allow myself a moment to run a shaky hand through my hair. If I was getting this frazzled from being a bystander to this conversation, I can only imagine how Spencer must be feeling.

When I look back up at the mirror, Spencer’s looking over his shoulder at me through the glass. I know he can’t see me, but I can’t help but feel guilty for losing my cool.

“Good job, Spence,” I murmur to myself as I pull out my phone. After a few rings, Rossie answers.

“Go ahead, Y/N. You’re on speaker.”

“Cat has an extremely deep background on Spencer. She knows about everything – Gideon’s death, Derek leaving the team, his mom’s condition,” I inform them, tapping my foot nervously against the concrete.

“She’s throwing him off-balance.”

“Yes, but Spencer also purposefully gave the wrong name of Derek’s son and she didn’t correct him,” I point out.

“She must’ve gotten her hands on Reid’s confidential FBI file,” Emily chimes in. “It would mention pertinent team information but it wouldn’t name Morgan’s son for confidentiality reasons.”

“We were thinking she’s been getting help from someone inside the prison. This goes deeper than that,” Rossi sighs.

“Call us if she says anything else of any importance,” Emily signs off. I mumble a quick goodbye before pocketing my phone and turning my attention back to the window.

“Working deductively, the secret wouldn’t be any of the topics you’ve already volunteered, because you wouldn’t want to make it easy on me,” Spencer reasons. He clasps his hands together and sits back in his seat before raising an eyebrow in challenge.

“Genius, truly,” Cat taunts sarcastically as she twirls the watch around her finger.

“So, what is left that I wouldn’t want to admit?” Spencer muses, eyebrows drawn together in contemplation. Cat shrugs her shoulders at him and another moment of tense silence passes.

“Love,” Spencer utters, and Cat’s incessant twirling of the watch comes to an abrupt halt.

Got her.

“Is that what this is all about – love? For my mother?” Spencer whispers, and when Cat fails to respond, he shakes his head. “No, not for her. For you. You want me to admit that I’m actually in love with you.”

Cat purses her lips together.

“Don’t get me wrong – I love my fairy tales as much as the next girl – but I’m not delusional,” Cat says as she crosses her arms.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Very sure. So sure, in fact, that I had Lindsey leave a clue for you in that little scrapbook in your apartment.”

I scrunch my face up at that. The clue in question had been a message inscribed on the back of an old photograph;xx-xy. We’d originally deduced that the message, the female and male chromosomes, was to confirm that Lindsey was working with Scratch. But now? Now I didn’t have a clue what Cat was talking about.

“I couldn’t have you come all the way down here and make a guess until I was positive. That is…” Cat pauses for dramatic effect, a sly smile on her lips. “… until I tested positive.” Cat punctuates her words by placing both hands on her stomach, and the action makes me raise a hand up to my mouth in shock.

No. There’s no fucking way.

“What, you’re pregnant?” Spencer asks, confused.

“No, we’re pregnant.”

I feel my knees buckle upon hearing the admission and I blindly reach for the chair to my left.

This cannot be happening.

“No,” Spencer says, shaking his head adamantly.

“Oh, yes,” Cat replies. “Mazel tov.”

“Here you are, ma’am.”

I reach for the file, my movements stilted and awkward.

“Thank you,” I mumble to the guard, who gives me a peculiar look before leaving the room. I waste no time in flipping through the file, heart pounding wildly in my chest as my eyes skim over the page until –

Positive.

I slam the file down on the table.

“Fuck!” I yell out in frustration. I’m thankful then for the thick, concrete walls, because neither Spencer nor Cat show any sign of having heard my little outburst. I place both palms down on the cool metal of the table, my breaths coming out in haggard puffs as I try to rationalize it all.

“- not possible,” Spencer’s voice coming through the speaker snaps me out of my thoughts. I cut my eyes to the window to find Spencer pacing the room. “Even if you are pregnant, the baby’s not mine.” Spencer comes to a stop behind his chair and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“Except for the part where it is.”

“That’s completely preposterous. You’ve been in prison,” Spencer points out as he once again takes a seat across from her.

“So have you.”

“And we’ve never-”

“I know. We’ve never…” Cat trails off with a suggestive waggle of her brows. “Ask me how I did it. Come on, ask me.”

Spencer rolls his eyes, but he indulges her nonetheless.

“How did you do it?”

“I had Lindsey dose you in Mexico. You lost time. And I gave her very specific instruction on how to get you in the mood,” Cat admits.

“What?” Spencer snorts cynically. “Did she pretend to be you?”

“Why, would that have worked?”

Spencer leans forward and shoots Cat a cruel kind of smile.

“No.”

For a split second Cat’s face falls, but only for a moment and then she goes right back to smiling that wretched grin.

“Yeah, I know, I know. Believe me, I know exactly where I stand on the Spencer Reid hot or not list,” Cat sighs. “So, ask me again.”

“How did you do it?”

“I told her to pretend to be Y/N.”

For a second I think that I misheard her – the blood rushing in my ears almost overpowered her admission – but the way Spencer’s entire body tenses before he looks back at the window tells me that I didn’t.

Why me?

Spencer gulps hard before he turns back around. I find my way to the chair nearest me and collapse into it.

“How do you know about her?”

Cat gives him an unimpressed look.

“It wasn’t hard, seeing as she’s your very best friend in the whole wide world,” Cat teases as her eyes wander from Spencer to the glass behind him. She waves at me, endlessly amused, before turning her attention back to Spencer. “But that isn’t all that she is to you – is it Spencie? At least, Lindsey didn’t think so. At first, she thought the two of you were tangled up in some kind of sexy little tryst. But then I had Lindsey do a little digging, and, well, that’s when we found out about the boyfriend.”

“Stop.”

“Oh, it seems I’ve struck a nerve!” Cat trills gleefully. “Shall we call her in here to join us? I know she’s just on the other side of that glass. I’m sure she’d love to hear all about how pathetic little Spencer Reid pines after her like a school boy with a crush.” She pouts her bottom lip out in mock sadness. “There’s just something about unrequited love that really tugs at my heart strings.”

Oh.

For the second time since arriving here, my hand comes up to cover my mouth as I struggle to process Cat’s words. She can’t be right, can she? Spencer had never done anything that eluded to him seeing me as any more than a best friend. Perhaps she got it wrong. Lindsey saw me come and go and she just assumed it was something that it wasn’t. There was no way that Spencer -

“I said stop.”

The underlying plea in his voice is enough to make tears well in my eyes. If what Cat is saying is true, that means that Lindsey . . .

“All it took was Lindsey saying she was Y/N for you to crumble like a house of cards. You really made it too easy.”

“You’re lying.”

Cat chuckles. “Listen to you, you’re not even trying to deny it.”

“It didn’t happen,” Spencer argues, voice so quiet that I have to strain to hear it.

“Hey, I was thinking, if it’s a boy, we should definitely call him Spencie Jr.”

Spencer pushes back from the table so abruptly that both Cat and I flinch, and he’s almost out the door when Cat delivers one final dig.

“-But if it’s a girl, I think we should call her Y/N. I mean after all; she played such a huge role in in her own conception!”

The sound of the door slamming behind him as he trudges into the room is enough to make me bolt up from my seat. Spencer comes to a stop at the center of the room, eyes wide and full of remorse as he looks over at me.

“I-I… I’m…”

I try my best to muster up a smile but I worry that it comes out more as a grimace.

“Later,” I murmur, and Spencer winces before nodding his head in defeat. I walk over to the table and open up the file. “She’s not lying about being pregnant.”

Spencer joins me at the table, eyes skimming over the document.

“She’s three months, and the timeline matches, but that doesn’t mean-”

Spencer yanks the file off the table and hurls it at the window, shoulders rising and falling rapidly as he runs a hand through his disheveled hair.

I take a step back and Spencer curses under his breath.

“I’m sorry. It’s not you,” he sighs. “I just… need a minute.”

I press my lips together and nod.

“Take all the time you need. M’gonna go call Emily,” I murmur.

Spencer closes his eyes and lets his head hang low.

“Yeah, okay,” he whispers dejectedly, and the despair in his voice is enough to stop me in my tracks.

“Spence?” I call out. He looks up at me from underneath his lashes, more than a little bit timid and scared. “I’ll be right back, okay? I’m not leaving you.”

I open the door and step out of the room, but it doesn’t close before I hear the quiet ‘thank you’ drift from within.

Spencer waits until the door clicks shut behind her to push away from the table and head back into the interrogation room. He couldn’t bear the thought of her overhearing any more than she already had. As far as Spencer was concerned, Cat had just singlehandedly ruined the one good thing he had going for him, and at this point, he had nothing left to lose.

“Let’s pretend you’re telling the truth,” Spencer starts. “That means I guessed it, right? The secret, the one I don’t want to admit to? It’s my child?”

Cat looks up at him with bored eyes and Spencer feels his unease begin to give way to rage.

“Is that your guess?” Cat asks. “You only get one, remember?”

Spencer takes pause, before shaking his head.

“No. It’s too easy,” he decides.

“Believe me, getting pregnant with your baby was not easy,” Cat mutters, and Spencer’s lips press into a tight line. The implication of it is enough to make his skin crawl. He feels violated and absolutely disgusted, but still he tries to school his impression into one of indifference. Spencer thinks about his mom, scared and confused, and that’s enough incentive to make him focus on the task at hand.

“You misunderstand. It’s too easy emotionally,” Spencer explains in a clipped tone as he sits down. “Because I can take your child from you. The child I had absolutely no role in creating, but a child that I would care for better than you.”

“That’s rude,” Cat seethes as she slowly lifts her head from off of the table.

“It’s true. You can’t be a mother, Cat. I’m not trying to insult you – it’s your psychological makeup. You literally do not have the emotional skills to care for another human being. You’d lose interest in your own baby the way a six-year-old loses interest in a pet hamster. This baby is simply a means to an end, which is to keep me here and playing your game, guessing like a fool and assuming something that I never should have assumed in the first place.”

“And what would that be?”

“My mother’s already dead,” Spencer says, and the words taste positively foul in his mouth. “She was dead before I walked in here”

Cat’s lips pull into a frown.

“She’s not dead-”

“Yes, she is,” Spencer reiterates as he rises from his chair.

“No, because that would be cheating and I don’t cheat. You cheat!” Cat panics, voice growing louder the closer Spencer gets to the door.

“I’m done playing,” Spencer says as he turns away, reaching for the door knob.

“Get back here!”

Spencer pulls the door open. “Goodbye, Cat.”

He has one foot out the door when;

“I’ll let you talk to her!” Cat yells out as she slams her fist down on the table.

Spencer lifts his eyes up from their spot on the floor, and it’s with a jolt of surprise that his eyes meet Y/N’s. It feels to him like it always does when he sees her – like some great relief that floods through his entire body in an instant. He feels guilty for it, now that she knows, but that doesn’t stop him from basking in it. The feeling grows when a triumphant smile graces her lips, one that says you’ve got her, Spence. You’ve got her right where you want her.

Spencer is positively rejuvenated by that smile.

He reluctantly pulls his gaze away from her and focuses back on Cat. He’s come too far now to fuck it all up.

Spencer pulls his phone from the depths of his suit pocket and hands it to Cat. He watches on as she dials the number, and his heart beats so fast that he wonders if she can hear it. The sound of the dial tone ringing fills the room, and Spencer can only hope that the call will be long enough for Penelope to trace.

“You’re early,” a voice that’s unmistakably Lindsey’s calls out. Spencer lets out a shaky breath of relief.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Did he guess?”

“No, not yet,” Cat sighs. “We need proof of life.”

“All right, hold on,” Lindsey says, exasperated, and her words are followed by several seconds of muffled rustling and what Spencer deems as some sort of liquid being poured.

“Spencer!”

His heart practically bursts out of his chest as he lunges forward, yanking the phone out of Cat’s hand and bringing it up to his ear.

“Mom - mom, are you okay?”

“I don’t… know-”

Spencer opens his mouth to reply when the gut-wrenching sound of an explosion rips through the tiny phone speakers, distorted and so loud that it makes Spencer’s ears ring.

“Mom!” Spencer desperately yells into the phone, but all he gets in reply is a ‘gotta go’ from Lindsey before the line goes dead. Spencer growls out a string of swears, throwing his phone down on the table before leaning over the table.

“What the hell was that?” he yells, and he’s vaguely aware of the sound of the door opening, but he can’t focus on anything other than his own rising panic.

“I don’t know,” Cat replies, opening her mouth to continue but Spencer cuts her off.

“Lindsey said you were early. Was that a signal?” he bellows.

“Spence, come on,” Y/N tries to interject. Spencer feels her hand on his shoulder but he shrugs it off before bringing his fist down on the table.

“Was that a prearranged signal to kill my mother?!” Spencer snarls, eyes wide and teeth barred. He feels positively feral, images of his mother in all sorts of terrible states of distress flashing through his mind like some grotesque picture show. “Tell me the truth!”

“No! I am!” Cat shouts back.

“Tell me the truth!”

“I am!” Cat spits out, eyes flashing angrily. “You wanna know the truth? Your mother is an Alzheimer’s-ridden moron who’s getting dumber by the day and if she’s dead, it’s your fault!”

Something comes over Spencer then, and in an instant, he’s shoving the table out of the way and pushing Cat against the wall. His hands find purchase on her throat, not dissimilar to how hers had on his hours before, but instead of dragging his fingers against her neck, Spencer’s clamping down on it as hard as he can, taking great pleasure in the way she gasps for air as his hands tighten. Everything around him fades away until all that he can focus on is that way that her pulse feels under his hands – the way it starts off strong, before tapering, slower and slower until he can barely even palpate it anymore.

“I’m going to kill you,” Spencer hears himself whisper as he presses down hard on her windpipe. “M’gonna fucking kill you.”

Cat’s eyes are fluttering closed now, and Spencer shouldn’t enjoy the way the light in her eyes starts to dim. He shouldn’t but he does – in fact, it prompts him to press harder and harder and –

A harsh yank pulls Spencer away from Cat, and as soon as his hands begin to loosen Cat splutters in an attempt to catch her breath.

“Spencer, she is pregnant,” Y/N yells in his ear, and just like that his tunnel vison fades away and Spencer feels the adrenaline leave his body. He only realizes that his hands are still on Cat’s throat when Y/N yanks at his arms again. “Fucking let her go, Spencer!”

His entire body goes limp and he allows himself to be drug away from Cat and out of the room. Spencer’s heart still pounds and his blood is still roaring in his ears, but the satisfaction has given away to shame. He steals a glance at cat as he’s being pulled from the room, and despite her ruffled appearance, she’s grinning at him – smiling as if to say see? I told you that you were just like me.

Spencer stumbles into the other room, steadying himself on the wall to keep from faceplanting onto the cold hard floor. Now that the adrenaline has expelled itself from his body, he’s left shaky and panting and ashamed.

The feeling of Y/N’s eyes on him as he braces himself on the wall only exacerbates his mortification. What will she think of me now? Will she think me to be some kind of monster? Spencer wouldn’t blame her - he’s held that same opinion of himself for months now.

Spencer stands there, face turned downwards as he catches his breath, and when he can take the weight of her gaze no longer, he darts out of the room and down the corridor.

Being alone is preferable to being a disappointment, Spencer thinks as he flees the room.

It doesn’t take long for her to find him sitting in the floor, knees to his chest with his face downturned. Spencer hears her before he sees her, and he prepares himself for the yelling that’s surely to come.

She surprises him when she slides her back down the wall until she’s sitting beside him, legs sprawled out in front of her. He doesn’t look up – fearful of what he might see when he looks into those beautiful eyes of hers. There had been love there, before all of this happened. Not the kind of love that was reflected in his own, but it was love just the same and Spencer thinks that it might kill him to see that love replaced with disgust. So he doesn’t look. Instead, Spencer just sits there, slumped over and pathetic, hoping that she doesn’t pick up on the fact that his hands are shaking.

“Richmond County police just reported a gas station explosion. One victim – male. Whatever Lindsey did, we have to assume that your mom’s still alive,” Y/N murmurs. Spencer lets out a shaky breath and his grip on his knees tightens. It’s good news, and he’s grateful, but it does nothing for the overwhelming guilt that’s eating away at him.

“Hey,” she whispers when he doesn’t reply. “Can you look at me, Spence? Wanna see those pretty brown eyes. Please?”

Spencer chokes down the sob that threatens to come out. He shakes his head.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened in there. That… That’s not me. At least, I don’t want it to be,” Spencer whispers. “Emily should’ve sent someone else with me. I never wanted you to see me like that.”

Her small, incredibly soft hand comes to rest on his own and Spencer closes his eyes at the feeling. Y/N flips his hand over and intertwines their fingers and Spencer can’t help but think that’s she’s showing him way more kindness than he could ever deserve. But he’s selfish, unable to deny himself of the feeling of her hand in his, so he clings onto her hand for dear life.

“I’m so scared that this is who I am now,” Spencer mumbles, prompting her grip on his hand to tighten.

“No, Spence. Don’t say that,” she chastises him. “You’re the best guy I know. Everyone has a breaking point – Cat just knows how to bring you to yours, is all.”

“You… You don’t know…” Spencer trails off, still unwilling to look her in the eye.

“I do know, Spence. I may not have been able to visit, but I asked about you every day,” she says as she shuffles closer to him. Spencer can smell her perfume now, subtle and sweet and comforting. “I know that two inmates, Frazier and Duerson, killed your friend in front of you. I know that they wanted you to move heroin for them, and I also know that if you didn’t, you would’ve been next. Anyone in your spot would’ve done the same.”

“You wouldn’t have.”

“Hell yes, I would have,” Y/N persists, and Spencer can’t help but to look up at her from behind where his unruly curls fall into his face. “I would have, Spence. If someone was threatening my life, you bet your ass I would have done the same thing. It doesn’t make you a bad person – doing whatever it takes to survive does not make you a bad person.”

She must pick up on the hesitancy that lingers in Spencer’s eyes, because she decides to continue.

“You know who does think like that? That – that in you doing what you had to do in order to survive somehow makes you a psychopath?” Y/N pauses long enough to point her thumb towards the direction of the interview room. “She does.”

Spencer watches the realization wash over her face, and for a split second he’s terribly confused. It isn’t until a ghost of a smile pulls at her lips that he catches on, and when he does, he has to stop himself from doing something terribly stupid like kissing her.

“She does,” Y/N reiterates when she sees that Spencer finally caught on. “Because she knows.”

“That’s the secret,” Spencer thinks aloud. He pushes himself to his feet and begins to pace down the corridor. “The one that I don’t want to admit about myself.”

“Hold up, Spence. Let’s talk through this, because she will not lose to you twice. She already said that this wasn’t about the two of you being the same.”

Spencer scratches the back of his next, nodding to himself.

“Then she’s all about the game. She thinks that I cheated the last time because I lied about her dad, so it’s integral that she beats me by following the rules.”

“But, Spence, she’s the one that makes the rules. She can change them to ensure that she wins.”

“-Which means that I’m locked in-”

“Like she is.”

“She needs me locked in, playing by her rules, a game I can’t win, so she-” Spencer pauses then, and an actual, honest to God smile creeps its way across his face – the kind of smile that was only reserved for Y/N. “I got it.”

Spencer doesn’t elaborate, because he doesn’t need to. He can tell with one look that she understands, because somehow, she always does. Spencer offers her a hand and hoists her to her feet.

Spencer almost laughs as the two of them step back into the room. Of course, she would be the one to figure it out. It seems like she’s always saving him, these days.

“Guess that’s one way to get you to put your hands on me.”

Spencer feels a twinge of guilt, but he pushes it to the back of his mind as he holds a hand out to Cat.

“Dance with me.”

Cat lifts an eyebrow at him.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want the people watching to hear what I’m about to say.”

Cat is still suspicious, but she takes his hand and lets him pull her to her feet anyways. Spencer puts his arms around her and the two of them begin to sway back and forth. Spencer suppresses the urge to pull away when her hand lowers and intertwines with his own. It’s rough and calloused and cold – a direct contradiction of Y/N’s – and Spencer positively loathes it.

“You had eyes on me while I was in prison, didn’t you?”

“Spencie, don’t ruin the moment,” Cat groans.

“I don’t want to, but I’m on the clock. Answer my question, am I right?” Cat places her head on Spencer’s chest, her hair smelling of some generic bar of soap, and Spencer wishes more than anything that he was smelling the familiar notes of honeysuckle and vanilla instead.

“Yes, you’re right. I wanted to make sure things were just as uncomfortable for you as they were for me.”

“That’s how you timed everything so perfectly. Like sending my mom and Lindsey to visit me when I thought I was at my lowest.”

This piques Cat’s interest and she lifts her head up until her eyes meet Spencer’s.

“Thought? You’re sure you weren’t?”

“No, I wasn’t. Because I didn’t feel bad – I felt scared at how much I enjoyed poisoning the other prisoners. I had a hundred ways of getting myself out of that situation, and I picked the one that would cause them the most pain.”

“Well, look at that,” Cat hums. “You might end up saving your mother’s life after all.”

A moment of silence passes as Spencer contemplates his next move. Before he can get the words out, Cat breaks the silence.

“They won’t get there in time. They must be on their way, right? Your team is too good to wait around, but you know me. I always have a contingency plan,” Cat murmurs, hands dipping under Reid’s suit jacket. She rubs her palms across his chest in slow circles and Spencer tries hard not to squirm. “They’re walking into a trap, and the only way out is if you give me your phone and you guess – right now.”

Cat removes her hands from Spencer’s chest, crossing her arms and fixing him with a pointed look. Spencer reaches down and pulls the phone from his pocket, passing it to Cat who wastes no time in taking a seat at the table once more.

Spencer’s skin tingles, half from anticipation, half from fear. They’ve come too far for him to misstep. He thinks of his mother – of how the next two minutes will determine her fate, and Spencer clenches his hands into fists at his sides.

Here comes the moment of truth.

“When we first sat down, you said you were going to show me what kind of man I am. And you have.”

“Every time I dial a number, you’re getting warmer.”

“At first, I was furious, because the secret had to be the baby inside you. How could it be anything else? But then I realized that somehow, you knew I liked hurting those men.” Cat dials another number, prompting Spencer to continue. “Now, I know it’s both things.”

“So, which is it, Spencie? Come on, don’t fumble it now. You’re at the one-yard line.”

“You’re not pregnant with my child. You got pregnant with Wilkins to put me in as compromised a position as possible. But it should be mine – I wish it were mine. Because you and I… we deserve each other. That is the real secret.”

By the time Spencer finishes speaking, tears are steady falling down Cat’s cheeks. With a shaky hand she presses the call button, and Spencer watches on with bated breath as the phone rings.

“Kill her.”

When Cat receives no reply, she pushes out of her seat and begins to pace around the room. “Lindsey, I said kill her.”

“You bitch,” Lindsey curses, sounding positively heartbroken in the way only a jilted loved could. “You’re pregnant?”

“Lindsey, sweetheart, it’s complicated, okay?”

“No, it’s not,” Lindsey whispers, and then the sound of the dial tone is all that’s left.

Not a second later, Y/N bursts through the door; the figurative light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

“We’re clear.”

Spencer snatches his phone from Cat’s hand before turning to face Y/N.

“Is my mom okay?”

“Yeah. She’s fine.”

“We do deserve each other, by the way,” Cat calls out, prompting Spencer to pivot and face her. She slides back into the seat and shrugs her shoulders. “You guessed right.”

Spencer falters for a moment, but then a voice in his head is reminding him that he deserves the world. And that voice sounds a lot like Y/N.

“You lied, by the way. You were going to kill my mother regardless.”

“Yeah, I think you really liked hurting those men. Once you cross that line, you can’t ever go back. And you’ll never get her to love you, either. You and I are too fucked up to be loved.”

Spencer takes two steps forward before he bends down, reaching out and clutching Cat’s forearm in a tight grip. Without breaking eye contact, he slides his watch off her wrist and back on to his own.

“Watch me,” Spencer whispers, and without so much as a parting glance at the broken women sitting at the table, Spencer walks towards the light.

The elevator ride up to the bullpen is a quiet one, not unlike the jet ride before it. I had about a million questions that I was dying to ask, but I thought it best to let Spencer stew in silence. The poor guy had been through enough in the last twenty-four hours – he didn’t need me hounding him on top of all of that. Besides, I wasn’t entirely sure where to start in the first place.

So, Spence – how was prison?

I heard you got the shit kicked out of you. How interesting, so did I! Wanna trade war stories?

I hate to put you on the spot like this, but was that little tidbit about you being hopelessly in love with me true? Just curious.

As wonderful as all of those conversation starters were, I didn’t really think that now was the time to breech any of the aforementioned subjects. So, instead, Spencer and I communicated in stolen glances and shy smiles, and that more than sufficed for the time being. We had all the time in the world to talk later - there was no need to rush.

I can practically feel Spencer shaking with anticipation when the elevator ride comes to a close, and the two of us share one last, longing glance before the doors open and Spencer steps out and into the arms of his mother.

There’s not a dry eye in the house when Spencer and his mother reunite, and it takes Emily ushering us all away to keep us all from devolving into sniveling messes right in front of the elevator. We all scatter about the bullpen, and after a quick trip to the bathroom I meander to Emily’s office.

“Derek Morgan – you are a sight for sore eyes,” I whistle as I walk into the room, not stopping until I’m pressed up against two-hundred pounds of rock-hard abs.

“Ah, little bit. I sure have missed you,” Derek laughs as he presses a kiss to the top of my head.

“To what do we owe the pleasure? I’d be hard pressed to believe that you just decided to drop in at three o’clock in the morning.”

Derek lets out a sigh and the smile drops from his face.

“I wish I was just here to say hello, but we may have bigger problems. I got a text from Penelope saying that Reid was out of prison and that he wanted to see me. And that he was staying in an FBI safehouse where he was putting his mother up for the night.”

I cast a glance at Emily, who shakes her head.

“I didn’t approve of that,” she explains, and just like that, a weary feeling settles over everyone in the room.

“I think we all know what this sounds like,” Derek says.

“A trap.”

“I know we’re all tired, but we may have a new lead on Scratch.”

“Somebody did a bang-up job of cloning my cellphone to send Morgan a text luring him to a nonexistent safehouse. And whoever that somebody is has mad skills,” Penelope explains.

“The kind of skills Scratch has,” Stephen mutters, earning a round of murmured agreeances.

“Were you able to trace where the hack came from?” Luke inquires, earning an affronted glare from Penelope. She shakes her head at him before turning to Derek, who’s watching on with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Do you see what I have to put up with?”

Derek chuckles and gives Luke a pointed look.

“Alvez, you’ll always get a location with this one.” Derek reaches forward and rubs Penelope’s shoulder, and it’s impossible to miss the way Luke’s eyes zero in on it.

“Down boy,” I whisper at him. “Green isn’t your color.”

“Shut up.”

I roll my eyes good-naturedly before turning my attention back to Emily.

“Obviously, Morgan can’t come with us. He’s a civilian now.”

“We’ll miss you out there,” JJ chimes in.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it out there in the field with you guys. I think about it every day. But between my old friends and my new friends, you guys are gonna go out there, you’re gonna handle your business, you’re gonna make people feel safe, and then you’re gonna go home. And that’s all that matters.”

“Civilian life has turned you into a sap,” I tease.

“Is it just me, or has this one gotten mouthier since I left?”

Penelope pats him on the arm.

“Someone had to fill the silence.”

After everyone has the opportunity to tell Derek their goodbyes, it’s a mad dash to get everything we need to roll out. I pull my hair into a ponytail and shuck off my blazer, only to replace it with my Kevlar. I’m in the middle of securing the last strap as I hurry down the hall when I come in harsh contact with the front of someone’s chest.

But it’s not just someone – it’s Spencer.

“I thought you left already?”

Spencer lets out a strained chuckle.

“Uh, yeah. I was on the way out when Penelope texted and said Derek was here. Mom’s sitting with Anderson while I go talk to him.”

I nod in understanding.

“Good ole Anderson,” I manage to say, trying hard not to cringe at my awkward choice of words.

“Yeah,” Spencer mutters, shuffling his feet as he looks anywhere other than my face. “There’s a case, I’m assuming?” he says, gesturing to my vest.

“We think we have a lead on Scratch, actually.”

Now, that gets Spencer’s attention. His eyes finally settle on me, and his brows furrow.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me? I need to go with you-” Spencer makes a move to brush past me, put I stop him with a hand on his chest.

“Back it up, Spence. There’s absolutely no way Prentiss will sign off on that, and even if she did, I’m still saying no.”

“And I’m supposed to listen to you?” Spencer tries to keep his face neutral, but his lips twitch as he fights back a smile.

“Mm. What I say goes, and I say that you need to go home and not even think about work for at least a month. You certainly could use the break.”

“A whole month, huh?”

I nod, looking up at him with a faux serious expression.

“I better not see you around here for at least that long, or there will be repercussions.”

Spencer finally does smile at that, and I can practically see the way he’s mulling over his next move in his head.

“Does… Does that prohibition extend only to the work place?”

I tilt my head to the side.

“I’m lost.”

Spencer scrunches his nose up and his eyes dart across the hall before eventually settling back on me.

“It’s just that, well, I don’t really know where this leaves us. Will I still see you outside of work, or is that all messed up now?”

“Why would that be messed up?”

Spencer closes his eyes and he lets out a haggard breath.

“Are you really gonna make me say it?”

Even though he can’t see me, I smile up at him anyways.

“On any other day I absolutely would, but things are a little… hectic right now. How about we put a pin in this conversation until things slow down a bit?”

Spencer slowly opens his eyes and they roam over my face, searching.

“You’re not uncomfortable? Considering everything that, uh, she said about me? Especially the part that pertained to you?” Spencer asks, meek and unsure.

I shake my head.

“I think you’ll find that I am very much the opposite of uncomfortable,” I reply. We stand there for a moment longer, just basking in the fact that after three long, miserable months, we’re finally together again.

Spencer opens his mouth to say something, only to be cut off by Emily calling my name from further down the hall.

“Duty calls,” I chuckle, pulling away from Spencer. “Tell you mom I said hi, and I’ll be by to visit once you have time to get settled in,” I call over my shoulder.

I make it a good ten feet down the hall before Spencer’s tugging at my hand and pulling me flush against his chest. He hesitates for a moment, and a flash of uncertainty clouds his eyes, but then he’s pushing it down and pressing his lips to mine.

Spencer’s lips are slightly chapped, but so, so warm as they move against mine. My response is instantaneous – I don’t hesitate for a second before I’m kissing back. The kiss is slow and tentative, as gentle and tender as it is intoxicating. It’s everything that a kiss should be and it ignites a fire in me that has me grasping at Spencer’s shirt, desperate for more. The hand that isn’t cupping the side of my face presses firmly against the small of my back, urging me forward until absolutely no space is left between us.

Every drag of his lips against mine acts as gasoline to a flame, and I can’t help but think that Ray Bradbury said it best. It is a pleasure to burn.

I’m the first to pull away, but it isn’t because I want to. What I want is to stay just like this – entangled in Spencer Reid – until not an inch of our bodies lay unexplored by the other. But when Emily calls out my name yet again, I force myself to stop.

“I really need to go,” I murmur regretfully, and Spencer nods.

“Yeah, I know.”

But that doesn’t stop him from going in for one last, delicious kiss. This time when we break away, it’s his doing. I don’t have the self restraint to pull away twice.

“Pinky promise you’ll come back to me in one piece?” Spencer says as he lifts his pinky finger up in offering. I link mine with his, and I smile a dopey grin at him.

“Of course, I will,” I reply. “After all, you and I are due for one hell of a conversation.”

I shoot him a wink before I’m running down the hall and slipping into the elevator just before the doors close. My teammates all shoot me curious looks, but I pretend like I don’t see and I lean against the wall, trying and failing to slow the rapid beating of my heart.

It’s Stephen who approaches me when we all file out of the elevator and into the parking garage.

“Spencer Reid wouldn’t have anything to do with that love-sick look on your face, would he?”

I attempt to school my expression, but one pointed look from Stephen has me devolving into a fit of giggles like I’m a goddamn school girl.

“Possibly.”

“Possibly my ass. When we get done with this case, I expect a full explanation,” Stephen chuckles as he climbs in the back of the SUV.

“You gossip like a teenager, Walker,” I tease as I climb in after him.

“What can I say? You kids keep me young.”

I let out a loud laugh at that.

“Best shrink a girl could ask for.”

If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise.

- Unknown

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tommybaholland · 4 years

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Hiya! I was wondering if I could request a one-shot with Sugawara where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe another person catches his attention and the reader starts to distance themselves from Suga to try to spare themselves the hurt? Then maybe turns out the other person was just using Suga/wasn’t serious bout him and he realizes that the person he really loves is the reader but now they’re staying away from him and just angst and fluff and dramatic confessions?? Sorry if it’s far too much detail, I get carried away. Your writing is amazing, keep up the fantastic work!

somebody, some body

featuring: sugawara

goddddd i’m so sorry i am late with a post AGAIN. this has been way overdue to be posted actually, and last night i finished it and was almost done with editing but accidentally lost everything i added and edited in the draft :// so thank you for being patient with me! this ended up being pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait :) anyway, i really liked this idea! i have a little personal experience with this kind of situation, so it was fun to explore those feelings a bit. thanks for requesting and enjoy!

you didn’t always know that you would be in love with koshi sugawara. your dynamic was always friendly, and nothing more. so where did you go wrong?

when you think back to your history with suga, you could never find yourself resenting any time you spent with him. it all started when you moved into his neighborhood and as a shy child, you didn’t have the easiest time making friends. but he was a kind boy who was around your age and made it easy for you to form a bond with him. after all those years, neither one of you had changed that much. you were still reserved at heart but, he was the one who pushed you to things that you both could enjoy.

one is joining the high school volleyball club together. you weren’t usually one to go outside of your comfort zone, but with him, you felt like you could do anything. he had you fuel your enthusiasm and you had him to thank for that. volleyball ended up being a great idea because it was quite a versatile sport that anyone could play. you found that you were quite athletic and took a liking to the libero position. there was just something exciting about digging a ball off the ground and rolling on the floor to get back up again. also, it looked pretty cool.

so that was great until you hurt your shoulder during a game, which ended up being more severe than it seemed. now you couldn’t lift your left arm very far over your head unless you wanted to dislocate your shoulder again. it was already a tough recovery period because all you wanted to do was get back to the game.

he was there with you for the entirety of it and even though he mostly encouraged you, he had to make sure you knew you wouldn’t do anything to hurt yourself. you felt helpless. it was the lowest he had ever seen you and he did everything he could to lift you back up again.

that was something you could never take for granted with him.

the thing about you and suga is that you were in constant contact, especially during school. if it wasn’t sending each other funny memes or tiktoks, you were either on snapchat with each other or texting. sometimes simultaneously.

are you alive??

yeah i’m awake, unfortunately

what do u want sugar-wara

whoa how are you up this early lol and sugar is my thing ok

let’s go get sweet buns before class

ur right, it is ur thing. ur sugar-wara

okay i’ll meet you by the light in 15

there was a lonely intersection in your neighborhood with a red stoplight that seems to have malfunctioned and now the light never stops blinking. you and suga lived on the same street, with the intersection being a perfect place to literally meet in the middle.

“hey, sugar-- uh oh. someone doesn’t look so sweet today!”

he was always so peppy in the mornings.

“yeah, well, maybe if someone didn’t wake me up with their annoying texts..”

“if you really don’t want to be woken up, you’d put your phone on do not disturb. you can thank me later for being your alarm clock.”

he gave you a bright smile and a few head pats before you set off down the road to your favorite bakery which happened to be on the way to school. you didn’t go every morning, but most days it was necessary for you to start your day off right.

“how’s the team looking this year, mr. vice captain?”

“pretty good, actually! four first years joined the team and one of them’s over six feet tall. our blocks will be unstoppable!”

there were several things you loved about suga but, if there was one thing you enjoyed most, it was hearing him get psyched about volleyball. even though you couldn’t play anymore, his undying enthusiasm for the sport made you feel like you were living through him vicariously.

“and there’s one who’s on the shorter side, only a little taller than noya. but he seems to have so much energy and drive, it’s just-- i don’t know, i have a feeling we could actually make it to nationals this year.”

“wow, that’s great!”

“you should come to practice and see them! also we just got asahi back so i need to make sure my sets really land.”

“kou, you know i love watching you guys but isn’t that what kiyoko’s there for?”

“well, yeah, but you know how i play best!”

“yeah, sure. it’s not like i have anything better to do.”

“you never let me down!”

his smile never let you down.

it was your senior year of high school and it felt like things were going to be nothing but great.

“so...speaking of you knowing me best,” he started rather hesitantly.

“what would you do if i...made you dinner?”

“i...what?”

“oh, uh, oh, no. not, like, i make you dinner but, like...rei finally agreed to come around tonight and i thought i’d make something for them.”

“oh, um,” you tried to force a smile. “yeah, i think they’d like that.”

“yeah? you don’t think it’s too cheesy or anything? we haven’t hung out very much but i’d thought it would be a nice way to show them that i mean what i feel, you know?”

“yeah, yeah! that sounds perfect, kou..”

if only they knew that they were so lucky.

you knew about this person, rei. they were your teammate and even a friend at one time. they transferred to karasuno during your second year and you bonded over your shared interest of the libero position. they didn’t get to play much that season until you got injured and had to quit playing.

to see them fill that position so easily, it made you feel so type of way. a way that suga couldn’t know because even though he was there for you, he couldn’t deny his feelings. you remember when he told you that he liked them. about how he’s liked them ever since they came to karasuno and about how he was nervous to talk to them.

and guess what?

you encouraged him. you encouraged him to try to pursue someone who you knew and liked, so now you had to hide that you were envious of both their position on the team AND the fact that your best friend is in love with them.

at first, you tried to look at it as a positive point. you were still friendly with them, but volleyball was the only thing that connected you so you didn’t talk to them that much anymore. but now that suga, the person you’re closest to, was talking to them, it opened up the possibility that you would be able to reconnect with them. you had to be supportive. you were his friend, his closest friend, after all.

the next morning you didn’t wake up from a text from suga. no, it took several snooze buttons to wake you up, which already put you in a bad mood.

it’s ur turn now. are u alive??

i actually woke up to my alarms, how weird. u must be dead lol

also have you done the english assignment yet? i need serious help >_<

you weren’t afraid to double, triple, even quadruple text him because more often than not, he did that to you. sometimes he’d even send longish paragraphs as he did later that day when classes had already started.

hey sorry today has just been filled with fun and thriving and good stuff! rei asked me if i wanted to meet up with them before school last night and they made me some sweet buns and they were soooo good. i think we’re going to eat lunch together with some of their friends from vbc. ugh english sucks for me too. idk why you think i’m good at it

you almost jumped at the gesture to reply. it was never this long that he would go without text you at least one dumb thing.

haha it’s okay don’t be sorry! so i guess last night went well?

also ur great at english sugar-wara what r u talking about??

it surprised you how quickly they seemed to become so friendly. it was kinda weird that he would already be spending a lot of time with her and now meeting all her friends. he probably already knew of them though, with volleyball and everything. the thoughts of how long you would have to wait for a reply crept in your mind, but that was quickly erased by an elapsed period of only a few minutes.

yeah it went great! they had never had someone cook for them before, so they really liked it. this morning they told me they’d show me how to make fried eggs bc i said i dont know how to use a stove lol

wait you made a whole meal for this person and u don’t know how to use the stove??

i used a crockpot and microwave ok :// don’t make fun of me dingus

well a stove would definitely broaden ur horizons lmao that’s nice it went well though

thank you i hope its going well

that conversation was truly the end of the beginning.

Every day after that seemed to happen the same way. you’d wake up, no text from suga. he hadn’t even replied to what you last said the previous night. you didn’t see him much either, but you knew who he was with probably. you would still stop by at volleyball practice where you did get to see him but they were there also. so you found yourself dipping out a lot more.

it just felt weird. seeing him talk to someone he didn’t even know before. they didn’t even know him. even when you two were on the team together, they never once showed much interest in him and now it just seemed strange that they would.

the transition was particularly difficult for you, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. one night you were so overwhelmed with work because you had waited too long to do it. frantically texting suga was an understatement.

you knew you couldn’t put all your reliance on him but it was weird that he wasn’t replying on a school night as he was just as much a procrastinator as you. you dragged yourself through the night, trying to put together a somewhat coherent speech for english the next day. which, again, started as it had for the past few weeks. you still hadn’t heard from him, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. by the time he replied, it was almost embarrassing on your part.

oh my god y/n i’m so sorry i didn’t reply sooner. i tried to get all my work done early so i could hang out with rei last night and i was asking my mom for advice and she told me to just pay attention to them as much as possible so i just wanted to be with them, you know? but i really hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about it and that you got at least a little sleep. i’m sure your speech went well :)

you sounded desperate for his help and meanwhile, he’s genuinely trying to show someone how much they mean to him. could you look any more stupid?

you didn’t even want to reply but you felt like you had to.

no don’t be sorry koshi! if anything i’m sorry i was just super frustrated in the moment and didn’t know what to do. i managed to pull something halfway decent together i think so it’s all okay now

was it okay though?

that was when you realized that things would never be the same. you’re his best friend and that’s simply it. you mean something to him, but not the same something that they mean to him. you couldn’t go to him when you help because then you’d be taking his time away from someone who wanted to feel that special meaning. it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. but there were still several questions that lingered in the potential of what your relationship could be.

isn’t it possible to be both a best friend and a partner at the same time? you didn’t see any problem with it, so why couldn’t it be true?

two weeks past and suga, your best friend, decided to let you in on some news.

going up against all these powerhouse schools is definitely tough but it’ll help our team in the long run. we’re really amped to play seijoh soon but also i have an s/o now who can come and cheer us on

WAIT you guys made it official?? when?

haha we’ve been official for like two weeks now

oh well that’s great!

(what the actual hell.)

months went by and you saw suga maybe two or three times. and only saw him, usually with the rest of the volleyball team or with rei and their friends. you texted now and then but it wasn’t the same. you had to accept that it wouldn’t be the same, so you did. you had a good group of friends who you spent more of your time with, as well as trying to focus as much as possible on school. entrance exams were coming up and you couldn’t let this be your downfall, even though you and suga had previously talked about possibly going to the same college together. but that wasn’t important anymore.

you had your priorities and suga had his.

which was the biggest reason why you decided not to go to the game against aoba johsai. you told him that you would try to make it, if schoolwork and college prep courses would lend you the chance. you were just trying to focus on yourself and work hard in on your own. you still texted him just to show that you still cared.

sorry i couldn’t make it to the game! how did it go?

we lost :’(( we were so close too

oh no :( i’m sorry kou. but i know you guys will get them next time!

he never replied, which only made you want to grow further from him.

summer vacation rolled around and it was about a month out from suga’s birthday. a strange text appeared from someone you didn’t expect.

Hey so I wanted to get manga for suga for his bday but I cannot for the life of me remember which ones he has so can you try to casually ask him which ones he has? like the next time you guys talk about manga or something?

you felt weird that they were asking for your help, considering that they now spent more time with him than you did. but you weren’t going to completely ignore them either.

to be honest we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i’ll try to subtly ask him

Okay awesome thanks!

what were you thinking of getting him?

Deathnote lol nothing original

hmm maybe the new aot volume?

Yeah, that’s a good one. Or maybe BNHA

yeah that too! do you still want me to ask him?

Yeah could you?

yeah sure!

Yay thanks!

okay i’ll let you know what i find out

going through with this was even worse. if it were you, you’d take him to see his favorite artist in concert. he wasn’t never much of a concert guy but he would talk about how badly he wanted to go see them live. or a more lowkey and personal option would be to customize a crewneck for him. you had a knack for designing and decorating plain-looking clothes and he would try to do it himself but would always remark how much better yours always turned out.

but this time you’re simply the messenger and wouldn’t get that chance to get him something you know he’d love. not that he wouldn’t like manga, but it just seemed like they weren’t putting a ton of thought into it. maybe you couldn’t blame them though, it had only been a few months that they had been dating.

that conversation honestly seemed more out-of-the-blue than anything, but you were hoping that suga would be as oblivious as ever. it didn’t even matter in the end because he never even answered your subtle way of asking. you didn’t feel like double texting because a.) you hadn’t done that in months and b.) it seemed too obvious.

in the end, you did all that you could do and told rei that you had no information to provide, even after a week had passed. that was your, now monthly, interaction with suga that month.

but it wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him.

your interactions moved from text to strictly snapchat, where you would hold streaks for considerable amounts of time. but every time you seemed to break contact with him, you found yourself blaming them. but you couldn’t blame them. they were with him, dating him. they had a right to claim a spot by his side. you had learned to pull back and just live your life.

but life didn’t want you to have a great time either. albeit through a simple app like snapchat, he was the one asking you if you were okay. at this point, you would probably just deflect but somehow, you found yourself telling him about how you didn’t do so well on your entrance exams, despite having done what you could to prepare for them. you just thought you were so focused to do well, but maybe it was too much focus. you told him it would be alright. another notification came through.

snapchat from sugar wara

you opened it to a selfie of him, one that was angled upwards to position him looking right up into the camera, his wide hazel eyes being the centerpiece of the photo. the caption simply said, “promise?”

and that was when it happened. you felt something different in your heart like it was knocked around in your chest. you smiled at the simple response and replied, “yeah i promise!!”

it felt strange, but you finally admitted it,

you were in love with koshi sugawara.

timing was, without a doubt, a demise in all of your previous relationship endeavors. you could never seem to get that part right, also coming in too fast or not knowing if you should wait. you had only hoped that someone you liked would like you just as much. so catching feelings for someone, strong feelings at that, was not part of your current life plans. let alone with suga, someone you were, at one point, extremely close to.

you know so much about him and what scared you was that your confession would be the only one that could mess up whatever relationship you had left with him. why couldn’t you just enjoy where you stood with him? why should your selfish feeling have to get in the way?

stupid was an understatement as you how you felt. he was still dating rei, and that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. you didn’t know what to do or how to cope. you can fight your feelings, but they can’t change right away. and for as long as you’ve known suga, the history you’ve shared with him, it seemed like these feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon.

you spent the next couple of weeks trying to get everything out, while simultaneously trying to forget. you vented about it to your friends and while most of them offered advice, you stuck with just remaining stagnant. one of them suggested that you confess to him but that was what you feared most: that your feeling would become so overwhelming that you had to do something impulsive to relieve them. he would probably never talk to you again. there was nothing you could do. he was in a relationship with someone he really likes. why would you try to ruin that for him?

you didn’t go to any of the preliminaries, mostly because of prep courses and trying to prepare for the next round of entrance exams. you still kept up with suga and saw that they won in the game against seijoh and we now going to the finals against shiratorizawa. you swiped up on his story and typed a simple, “omg that's amazing!! see I knew you guys could do it.” you continue to scroll through your phone, not thinking that much about it until a notification popped up.

sugar wara is typing…

snapchat from sugar wara

yeah it was great! Wish you could have been here though :(

me too! college prep courses seem to have been taking up all my time :P

is there any chance that you could try to find time to come to finals?

we've been trying to get all the support that we can

plus it would be nice to see a familiar face there :)

yeah i'll see what i can do to try to be there!

wymd a familiar face? hasn't rei been going to the prelims?

they have been but we actually broke up about two weeks ago

i sort of initiated it but i promise it's okay

your eyes almost fell out of your head when you read that 2 weeks ago you were talking about how you were in love with him and were and decided to accept that it wasn't going to happen. now you're hearing that at the same time they had broken up? It seemed odd and... bittersweet.

oh no i'm sorry kou :(

you bit your lip as you couldn't help but ask.

wdym you initiated it tho?

so kageyama has been killing it as our setter especially with his quick attack move with hinata

rei was worried that i wasn't being treated fairly bc i'm a senior and vice-captain and all that. i tried to reassure them that i just want to see our team thrive and go to nationals but they still were worried about it and would talk about how they would go to games and never see me play once

it's been hard especially that it happened right before the seijoh game and now before finals

yeah i'm sure it's been difficult

but don't beat yourself don't blame yourself so much! the team needs your support just as much as it needs players. nobody could replace that :)

thanks y/n :) i appreciate you so much

although you thought you would be happy, you can’t help but still feel weird about this whole thing. you felt like the ball was in your court but your bum arm couldn’t receive it properly. your feelings for him had been strong and you felt like you had to pack them all the way so now it just felt wrong to let them flow out again. but now that there was no conflict of interest, did you have to hide your feelings?

it was more complicated than it was before. you didn't know how anything was going to play out at all and that kinda scared you. you did know one thing though, and that was how to be a loyal friend to suga because that's all you ever were from the start and that's what you could and would be for the future.

it was the friday before the finals game.

you decided to stay late after school to maximize your focus on studying. it seemed to have worked because the sun was going down before you knew it. you wanted to get ahead on work so you could go to the game tomorrow. you and suga had been talking more recently and while it wasn’t as much as it used to be, it was more than it had been in the past several months.

you quickly gathered up your things and left school for the night. the pretty orange and pink sky lit your way home through the quiet town and into the residential parts. at that point, the dark had met and light and-

“y/n! hey, wait!”

you turned to see none other than suga, jogging up behind you to catch up. you smiled at his sudden presence, looking past him to see the small group of the rest of the team.

“hey! funny seeing you here.”

“yeah, haha,” he chuckled, catching his breath from suddenly running a considerable distance. “are you going home?”

“yeah.”

“can i walk with you?”

“of course.”

great! so i’m guessing you stayed late at school? you’re still wearing your uniform.”

“oh, yeah,” you affirmed, looking down at your monotonous outfit. “i just wanted to be all caught up on work and studying so i could go to the game tomorrow.”

“oh, yeah? that’s good to hear! yeah, we were-- we just had a late practice. coach left before us but we wanted to stay a little longer.”

“i hope you guys win tomorrow, it seems like you’ve been working really hard.”

“yeah, i hope so too. we’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, it just feels like we can’t stop now.”

you nodded in agreement. there was a beat of silence just then, and while it wasn’t awkward, it felt like something was lingering in the air.

“so, um,” he spoke up after several seconds. his eyes met yours and you felt that pang in your chest again, quickly looking away. “it’s been a while, huh?”

“yeah. yeah, it has, i guess,” you laughed lightly. you reached the intersection with the never-ending blinking stoplight and you turned around to face him.

“but i guess i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“yeah. yeah!”

“okay, get some sleep. goodnight.”

he nodded and you grinned at him before turning around to walk the rest of the way home until his voice stopped you again.

“hey, y/n?”

“yeah, kou?”

he looked down and all around, anywhere but your face.

“i, um, i know things have been kinda weird between for a while but it’s made me realize that i missed you, a lot.”

“yeah, i missed you, too.”

“but it’s also made me realize that i enjoy spending time with you and talking to you. like, even now, just talking to you makes me feel-- i don’t know. it makes me feel at ease like i’m home. and i’d really like to spend more time with you because i, um, i really like you.”

“you, you what?”

“i really like you, sugar.”

in all the ways you had imagined this happening, you never thought that you would feel your face fall to a frown, your heart beating in your ears. something just didn’t sit right with you about it.

“i, i, i don’t know what to say...”

“it’s okay if you don’t! i just wanted to tell you.”

“but why are you telling me this now?”

“do you-- do you not feel the same?”

“no. no! i’ve been wanting to hear you say something like that for so long, it’s just. you broke up with rei not too long ago and-- i don’t know. something isn’t right about it.” you shook your head, unsure of what you were trying to say.

“it’s how i feel,” he shrugged. “i just wanted to tell you and have a good feeling to hold onto to make tomorrow a little easier.”

you looked at him in disbelief.

“oh, so you think you can confess all that to me right before this big game and that i’ll automatically reciprocate those feelings when you just broke up with someone not even a month ago? i’m not a second choice--”

“no, sugar, listen, that’s not how i meant it at all--”

“no sugawara.” those words made him go quiet instantly. you never used his full name, there was always some sort of play on it, so this was serious.

“maybe that’s not how you meant it, but that’s how i’m taking it. i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long how i felt but i wanted to respect your feelings so i didn’t. so please, respect mine. i’m not the good luck charm that you can just confess to and expect that it’ll all be okay. this just isn’t right. i’m sorry, koshi.

your voice broke as his name left your lips, tears beginning to fall. you didn’t even give him a chance to respond, a rush of adrenaline telling you to quickly turn and get out of there.

you didn’t get much sleep that night.

it was hard not to think about your conflicted feelings over suga’s confession. you had hoped for that moment for a long time but the timing simply wasn’t right. how funny and ironic is that? you thought your timing was off. maybe you were meant for each other in that way. you couldn’t help but let your feelings get the best of you and you were beginning to become what you feared most from him. you thought he would immediately reject you and make you feel bad about ever saying anything about how you felt. but the roles are reversed and that was the part that blindsided you the most.

you didn’t think that how you reacted was wrong but you also couldn’t imagine how he was feeling right now. he just wanted to feel good right before a big game but that backfired right in his face. some might call it karma, but part of you thought he didn’t deserve it.

the pressure was setting in as the game went into the fifth and final set. what made it worse was kageyama wouldn’t be starting that set, his nose bleeding from the spike he took to the face. suga was genuinely thrilled to be a teacher, a mentor, and a support system for his fellow teammates. he didn’t mind that another, rather talented, setter had joined the team because that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about passing the position over to someone who he thought didn’t deserve it.

he almost forgot he was actually a player on the team when everyone looked to him to fill in. this was his moment and it just happened to be at the most overwhelming part of this game. Both teams were tired while simultaneously running on pure adrenaline to see who was going to come out on top.

suga had an opportunity, not only to start the set but be the trailblazer for their success.

the nerves set in as he held up the paddle with the number nine on it, kageyama holding it up with him for a moment. It was symbolic in a way. suga always thought he’d be passing the baton to him, his successor as karasuno’s official setter, but this felt just as sentimental. Suga hadn’t played much this season but he got to watch the team grow into something that it once was: something great. They’ve had their share of loss and strife but it finally seemed like they had come so far and the only direction they can go is up.

the nerves set in as he looked around, anywhere to ease them. His eyes automatically went to the team banner, black with the simple word ‘fly’ written over it, where all the school and their supporters were watching. he went down the line quickly but the wave of a hand caught his eye. his eyes shifted back and felt that familiar grin on him.

it was you.

“c’mon suga! You can do it!”

and so he did.

once the final ball hit the ground, the room was quiet with shock. it had been tight for most of the game but no one really expected this outcome. they were going to nationals. daichi, suga, and asahi embraced, taking in the satisfying feeling of victory.

after the awards ceremony, you were buzzing with excitement for them, trying to calmly follow the rest of the crowd out of the gym. you could tell they were somewhere along the hallway as another crowd formed to congratulate the winning team. you weaved in and out of it, even getting on your toes to see if you could spot a familiar head of gray hair.

you finally caught a glance at him from afar, his smile growing as his eyes locked onto yours.

“y/n!”

you mimicked his expression and found your feet moving quicker than your brain could process. he put in the same amount of haste to meet you in the middle. you both stopped at about an arm’s length away from each other. his flushed cheeks and slightly red but glistening eyes held your smile as you decided to speak first.

“hey, kou.”

“hey, sugar.”

another minute couldn’t be wasted as you finally crashed into one another. it felt better to hold somebody that you knew and genuinely loved. you could be sure that he felt the same way as he held your body tightly against him.

heyo haikyuu night! send any requests right here..

#haikyuu x reader #sugawara x reader #sugawara oneshot #sugawara fluff #sugawara angst #tommybaholland

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fandoms-are-my-friends-1321 · 4 years

Text

Holy Matrimony

This is my first time writing for the Prodigal Son fandom, but I’m still excited either way. This was requested by @jiejie-eonni-onee-sama, and the idea is so adorable and funny. Gif and characters are not mine. Hope you guys enjoy it!!!

Description: Malcolm plans to propose to his girlfriend during their date at a fancy restaurant, but some of the team and his family arrive to make sure he doesn’t blow it. An unexpected quest also makes an appearance

Warnings: just some mild swearing, spoilers for season one, and a brief description of a crime scene, but otherwise none

“I know this is a big night for us, but you didn’t have to rent out one of the fanciest restaurants in town. I’m perfectly fine with a night in at home.”

Malcolm turned to look at his girlfriend of eight months as he continued to button up his white dress shirt. “Come on, Y/N. It’s going to be wonderful I promise. Besides, I would do anything for you.”

That was very true. This was the longest relationship that Malcolm had ever been in, and Y/N was different. He was worried after what happened with Eve, love would never return into his life. It did, however, and he was grateful to Y/N for all she had done for him so far. Tonight was the night he was going to show how much he loved her.

“Our cabs here,” Y/n said as she straightened her outfit. “You ready for go?”

“Yeah, just a few more minutes. You can go ahead down stairs, and I will catch up with you in a minute,” Malcolm responded. While Y/N was a little suspicious as to why Malcolm needed to stay back, she shrugged it off and walked out the door of the apartment. Once Malcolm was certain that she was gone, he opened a drawer that was located discretely under the bar.

He pulled out a small velvet box, and inside was the ring that he planned to propose to Y/N with. His family and friends were all supportive of this move, and yet he was still a little worried. He took a deep breath and placed the box in his suit jacket. “It’s okay,” Malcolm whispered to himself. “Nothing could possibly go wrong.”

Sunshine tweeted happily. “Thanks, Sunshine. The next time you see the two of us, you’ll have a new mom to look after you.” With that, Malcolm opened the door and dashed down the stairs to the cab. The giddy energy he felt fueling his steps.

——————————————————————————

The couple sat in a rented out section of the restaurant. Malcolm didn’t want to raise any extra attention when he proposed to Y/N, and while renting an entire room might have been much, he didn’t want to risk it. His family already had to much attention focused on them because of his father, and he didn’t want anymore.

“Excuse me, but I’m going to go use the restroom before our food gets here,” Y/N said as she stood up from the table.

“Sure, that sounds great! I’ll be waiting here doing nothing in particular,” Malcolm stuttered as he fidgeted in his seat. Y/N smiled at him as she walked out of the room. He’s a lot jumpier than normal, she thought, Perhaps he has a recent case on his mind. In fact, the only thing Malcolm had on his mind was her, and he mentally screamed as he placed his head in his hands.

“Oh my god he’s going to blow it. My son needs to get it together.”

Outside of the restaurant, Jessica Whitley was standing outside with a pair of binoculars, her daughter Ainsley by her side. They were leaning against the brick wall of the building across the street. The pair was trying to spy on Malcolm and make sure that he didn’t mess this up.

“Well, you know how my brother can be,” Ainsley replied as she examined her fingernails.

“Your daughters right,” Gil chimed in as him and the rest of the team walked up to Jessica and Ainsley. “Malcolm Bright does whatever Malcolm Bright wants to do. We can’t control him.”

“I’m his mother for crying out loud, so I have more control than you think. What are you guys doing here?”

“Coming to see how Malcolm will manage to pull off this proposal. Same as you guys,” JT stated.

“I think you guys are being to hard on him,” Dani commented, “As much as Malcolm loves Y/N, he will know exactly what to say.”

“That’s right! From my statistical analysis, their love for each other is 100% legit,” Edrisa added in as she appeared from behind Gil, Dani, and JT. “Also, it’s a pleasure to see you again, Mrs. Whitley.”

“Likewise,” Jessica said with a smile. “Well, looks like the gangs all here.” The group waited and watched as Y/N returned to her seat at the table. The couple had begun eating, but the group that they didn’t know was waiting outside began to twist with anticipation.

“That’s it! I cant take this anymore. I’m going in,” Jessica declared as she shoved the binoculars she was using over to Ainsley. With determination, Jessica strides across the street. All the while Ainsley and Gil were trying to drag her back, but it was to no avail, and they began to follow her too. The rest of the team was close behind. However, another lone figure was lurking in the shadows.

“Holy crap, this pasta is the best I’ve ever had. No offense to your cooking of course,” Y/N said through a bite full of her food.

“None taken,” Malcolm replied with a chuckle. “I know how much you love Italian cuisine.”

“You know what I love more than pasta?”

“Day time television?”

“No, silly. It’s you! Ever since we first met at that crime scene, I just felt a connection with you.”

Malcolm couldn’t help but grin at the memory. Y/N was also part of the team, and the two had met during a case at a Bakery. At first Malcolm didn’t understand how Y/N was able to eat pastries while a man’s guts were strewn across the floor. Then he soon realized that she had witnessed a lot of crime scenes in her day.

This had to be the right moment. Somewhere deep inside, Malcolm knew that it was time to pop the question. Malcolm took a bite of his pasta, and tried to begin his proposal. However, when he saw his mom walk through the entrance of the room, he nearly choked.

“Mom! What are you doing here?! How’d you even know we were in here,” Malcolm questioned as he whiped his mouth with a napkin.

“Oh please dear, finding you wasn’t that hard. I came in because you need to stop stalling and do what you came here to do,” Jessica replied.

“Well I was going to say it, but-,”

“Jessica please, come back outside and let the kid do his thing,” Gil insisted as him and Ainsley enterted the room as well.

“Gil?! You’re here too? Let me guess the whole rest of the team is here,” Malcolm added with a wave of his hand. The rest of the team slowly made their way into the room, and Malcolm let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, now that everyone is here. May I please finish?”

Everyone nodded eagerly, and so Malcolm turned back to his girlfriend, who was still in shock by all the people who had just shown up out of the blue. It was a lot, but Y/N didn’t mind. Malcolm grabbed her hand, and Y/N’s E/C eyes met his icy blue ones. “Ever since I met you Y/N, my life has changed for the better. When I’m with you, the darkness in the world fades away. Now while I wasn’t expecting so many people to be here for this, I’m still certain that this is the right-.”

“Now hold on, my boy. Before you say those oh so famous words, aren’t you forgetting the one person that’s not here?”

The entire party froze as Malcom’s father, Dr. Martin Whitley, emerged from a dark corner of the room. Gil, Dani, and JT all pulled their guns from their holsters. “Holy shit,” JT said, “I thought this dude was in prison?”

“Yes,” Jessica snarled. “That’s exactly where he should be.”

Martin simply rolled his eyes at his wife and the others. “Oh come on now, you can’t expect me to miss the biggest day of my son’s life do you? I promise I will go back as soon as everything is done. Gil will make sure of that I’m sure.”

“Damn right I will, but for now I’m reluctantly allowing this to happen. No funny stuff though,” Gil said. Martin simply nodded as he gestured for Malcolm to continue.

Malcolm took a deep breath and focused his attention back on Y/N. “Well, as you can see my life is pretty crazy. I have a serial killer for a father, a mother who can sometimes be just as crazy.”

“Hey, that’s not very nice,” Jessica said as she pretended to be hurt, but her smile gave it away. Malcolm shook his head as he continued. “All of these people support us, and I plan to support you until the day I die, which hopefully will be a long time from now. So, without further ado,” Malcolm got down on one knee, and opened the velvet box. The central diamond in the ring sparkled due to the chandelier light from above, and Y/N let out a gasp. “Y/N L/N, will you marry me?”

“Of course I will!! Now come here my soon to be husband,” Y/N pulled Malcolm up by the lapels of his jacket and kissed him on the lips. At first her boldness caught Malcolm off guard, but he relaxed into the kiss. All the while cheers filled the room, and Martin even gave a few claps himself.

“So, will I be invited to the wedding,” Martin asked with a raised brow.

“Unless you happen to escape again, I wouldn’t get your hopes up,” Gil retorted as the cuffs snapped on Martin’s wrists. However, Martin only laughed at this. If he escaped once, he could easily do it again, and nothing was going to stop him from seeing another big moment in his son’s life.

#malcolm bright #malcolm whitly #malcolm bright x reader #malcolm whitly x reader #tom payne #prodigal son #Dani #JT #Gil #jessica whitly #ainsley whitly #x reader #fluff #fanfic #I’m sorry this fic is a lot of dialogue #but like it’s about the conversations that are going on #hope that works!

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mouse-fantoms · 3 years

Text

An Opening Scene

Read on Ao3!

Basically Jatp is taking too long to be renewed so I’m writing how I’d like the opening scene of season 2 to go and no one can stop me

Another gig at Eats & Beats, was a whole lot better than another gig at their own garage. Ever since the Orpheum, they had been booking more and more gigs, some places even calling them themselves.

Julie was up there, in her element. On stage, playing her keyboard enterance. She was getting lost in the opening part of the song that her and Luke wrote together. The first one they were performing after they wrote Great together. This song especially held a place in her heart because during the writing process she was reminded of the fact that she could now touch her ghosts.

It was after the Orpheum, they had started writing this song. It still seemed like a fever dream, being able to hug and touch and feel the boys… it was a lot in the moment to take in.

Luke had his journal open to a partially blank spread. He had already begun writing a bit of lyric ideas on the page. After a few seconds of pondering if they could expand on any of them, Julie swiped the pen from his hand and began writing lyrics down that had come to her head. It was as they were passing the pen back and forth that she was reminded of the new information. Their fingers would brush passed each other as the pen changed holders. It was a nice refresher that the hugging, them becoming solid, wasn’t just a one time thing. She’d be lying is she said there wasn’t a light blush across her cheeks.

In the crowd, she saw her dad, Carlos and Flynn. Ray was snapping pictures, Carlos was enjoying the performance and Flynn was recording it. It was really nice that her dad knew about her little band now and that he always insisted on coming to their performances.

It wasn’t like every face in the crowd she would recognize. But the ones from school would stand out. Recognizing some of their faces as ones she’d see in the hallways. It could have been the stage lighting but she found herself staring at one audience member more than the others. The strawberry blonde wavy hair was familiar. Like if you were to put a pink wig on her she’d-

The audiences woah’s of amazement from seeing her boys’ entrance brought her back to the stage. She grabbed her mic and went to the center of the stage. Singing her part as her boys played their backup vocals then Luke taking the lead when it was his turn.

Ever since Stand Tall she was adamant about writing in more solos for Alex and Reggie in their music. Reggie didn’t seem to mind but Alex still needed some more convincing.

“You and Luke already kill it on your own.” She recalled him saying.

“We’d kill it even more if we add your voice into the mix!” She had answered.

Reggie had run it by her that Alex wasn’t one to “own his awesomeness” as he put it. She was optimistic that the drummer would come around eventually though.

For this gig, it was Julie and Luke doing their same Julie and Luke thing during the song. They so easily got lost in their own music. Hopefully her dad didn’t pay too close of attention to the mic sharing... that happened several times. It wasn’t her fault! He did the head nod! One had to come to him when he did that. However one of the times, he got a taste of his own medicine. His flushed face engraved in her mind forever. If he was doing things that weren’t in the rehearsal... it was fair game for her. It was of course all in good fun. It always was when all of them were on stage.

She finished off the last note, getting a roar of applause for her vibrato even before she was done. The standing ovation felt good. As soon as they all bowed her boys played their disappearing act and she said into the mic, “Tell your friends!” Getting the last claps and whistles of enthusiasm as she came off the side of the stage, she was immediately embraced.

“That was-!” Ray couldn’t find the words to describe his excitement as his chin was burrowed into his daughter’s curls.

“You don’t have to hug me after every performance.” She laughed.

A voice piped in, “Surprised you don’t do it.” She looked and saw the boys behind Flynn and Carlos. Alex’s tease was directed at Luke who was next to him then Reggie after him.

“Oh arh, arh.” Luke mocked laughter.

“Probably does it all the time during their writing sessions.” Reggie guessed.

“That is a good point they are in those quite a-”

“Really? We’re discussing this right now?” He didn’t seem to be a fan of his relationship with Julie being discussed when she’s feet away and present in the room.

Ray released his daughter. “She’d be so proud.”

She matched his warm smile, nodding, “...She would.”

“I should probably get some more pictures outside to show the venue.” He held up the camera in his hand then disappeared to gather his pictures. Thus, she was left with Flynn and Carlos along with the boys behind them. She noticed Flynn’s phone horizontal in her hand.

“Did you get it?”

“Every second!” She shook the phone for effect. “Again, doing really good on the whole eye contact thing.”

She rolled her eyes.

Carlos couldn’t help but notice the mic shares,“Was that the song I heard you up writing?”

“You heard us?” It was more so a statement than a question.

“You and your boyfriend aren’t necessarily quiet.”

“Carlos!” She began to scold, opening her palms in frustration. No matter how many times she would tell her brother Luke’s name, he still insisted on calling him ‘her boyfriend’.

Of course, he did it when Luke just so happened to be in the room one time. Before Luke.exe could fully combust, she explained that it’s just a little brother thing and that she’s sorry he does it.

Flynn put their hands on Carlos’ shoulders behind him. “Why don’t we go help your dad with those pictures?” She suggested.

“Hey Flynn,” Julie called before she left with her brother, “...you didn’t happen to see someone from school here did you? When you were recording?” She wondered if she was the only one who might have seen the strawberry blonde. Plus, Flynn of all people would notice the strawberry blonde in the crowd.

“Oh you saw the sweetheart too?” She smiled before she left with Carlos.

Sweetheart? Why did-? Well maybe she was. It had been a bit since-

“Boyfriend?” Alex was hung up on Carlos’ nickname for Luke.

“Since when did that little name start?” Reggie seemed just as intrigued as Alex was as both looked at Luke for a response.

“It’s nothing boys.” He put his palms up in defense. “It’s just a little nickname he has for me, probably has them for all of us.” His eyes looked across at Julie to help his case.

She, however, gave a smiled light shake of the head left to right which did not help his case at all.

“Oh well I-“ before Luke could try to continue to defend his case, with the questioned looks of Alex and Reggie staring him down, he was interrupted.

“Molina!” The smiley blonde unawarely interrupted the ghost via by standing right in front of Julie, where the ghosts were gathered.

“Oh!” Said an open mouthed Julie. “Nick! You’re here!”

“Of course! Wouldn’t miss a performance!”

“A fan?” Reggie smirked and crossed his arms, pushing his head back for a moment.

“Pff.” Luke responded, rolling his eyes.

“You’re the sweetheart that Flynn meant.” She realized what she said out loud. “Not that you’re not just that I thought she meant someone else.” She tried to save herself.

“You guys were just as good as when you were at the Orpheum.”

“Oh you were there?” Julie cocked her head curious.

He nodded. “Of course! I couldn’t miss Julie and her band at the Orpheum of all places. How’d you get that gig anyway?”

“Oh you know… they needed someone to fill in for Downslide, must have seen our video of Great and happened to call the right number.”

“You were amazing.” He spoke with high praise.

“Well, my band makes me amazing.” She had to give credit where credit was due.

“Your guys were insane as always!”

“I like this fan of ours.” Alex beamed.

“Your drummer and bassist were-“ he was interrupting his words trying to form the right ones to describe the two.

“Can see why you know him Julie. He’s good company.” Reggie recalled her saying his name earlier, which implied she knew him.

“Pff.” Luke let out a huff of air from his mouth that blew his bangs up for a moment. “‘Your drummer this, your bassist that.’” He mocked.

“Oh is Lukey upsetty he didn’t get a compliment?” Alex teased.

“But oh my god your guitarist!” The ghosts and Julie were suddenly very intrigued by Nick’s words. “Those riffs! Those chords! I- Wow.” He let out breathless.

“Yeah, he sure is something.” Julie found a response to Nick’s enthusiasm. “Thank you for coming and glad you liked us. There’s more to come where that came from.”

“I bet. Pretty soon you’ll have flowers and encores getting thrown at you guys.”

She laughed. “You can dream.”

“You guys are insanely talented Molina.” Nick left her with a final compliment and disappeared into the crowd.

“He was nice.” Reggie said once Nick left and Julie looked at her boys.

“He complimented all of us.” Alex appreciated.

“‘Those riffs.’ What does that mean? What does he even know?” Meanwhile Luke was stuck on the compliment he got.

Julie shook her head at the stumped Luke finding him humorous.

~~~

“What does that even mean?”

“Are you still hung up on Nick’s compliment?”

It was just before noon, Luke was sat on top of the kitchen counter, his legs hung over the edge, as Julie happened to be making her lunch beside him.

“What does he even know?”

“He does play guitar.”

“Huh?”

“Nick plays guitar… that explains why he was so impressed with your playing especially.”

“Impressed? By me?”

“Nick complimented you. Take it as it is. When Sunset Curve played gigs, didn’t you guys get compliments all the time?”

His mouth knotted to one side, recalling. “We never stuck around that much after we’d play, there was always another one in line after us.”

“Then... I guess get used to them. We get comments all the time on our performances on YouTube.”

She looked up from making her sandwich at Luke to see his questioned look at the mention of something internet related.

“People like us.” She translated in terms he’d understand.

She saw him nod understanding then resumed her sandwich making.

Luke continued to be in his seat at the counter, Julie continued her sandwich making even when Carlos came into the kitchen.

“Kids and their technology.” Luke said at the sight of Carlos with his eyes glued to his tablet as he got leftover from the fridge as his meal of choice for lunch.

He put the leftover on the island and went to the drawer that was by Julie. His eyes came off the tablet when the drawer wouldn’t open.

“Huh?” He set the device down on the counter space behind him and tried to pull the drawer again.

“Julie help, it’s not opening.” He requested.

“Luke move.” She instead instructed. “Move so Carlos can get his silverware please.”

Carlos saw as the open jar by Julie’s sandwich making station suddenly almost tipped over but she caught it in time. She looked aggravated at the air beside her.

“Get off the counter please.”

“He’s on the counter?”

“He was.” She corrected. “Now try.”

He was able to open the drawer and get his wanted utensil with no difficulty this time.

“I’m no fun by asking you to move out of the way so my brother can get a fork?” She did an about face apparently talking to air.

“Okay…” He grabbed his meal and tablet off the counter, fork in hand that took more than needed time to get. “I’ll just leave you and your-” She shot him a glare knowing what words he was about to refer to Luke as. “You and your ghost to it.” He corrected.

He headed out the kitchen and into the living room. He was ready to plop himself on to the couch when Ray called from the computer.

“Carlos…” he said suspicious, “do you mind looking at these pictures for a second? I know your sister has a better eye for stuff like this but you’re right here.”

He set his items on the coffee table for a moment and went over to the computer to see what his dad wanted.

“These are from the other day.” He cycled through the pictures he had taken of his daughter’s gig.

Pictures of moments before she was on stage, when she was on stage at the keyboard, a few shots of the line outside the venue, just a supportive dad cycling through the pictures he had of his daughter’s gig.

“They all look pretty good.” Carlos saw nothing wrong with the images.

“Thanks but then,” he clicked on the mouse and the image flipped to one of the band, “there’s this one. It turned out… weird.”

The image was of Julie on stage, like the others, except it was only of Julie when Ray for sure knew it was one of when the band all was on stage. She had taken the microphone off the stand and gone to the center when the boys materialized on stage, like they did whenever they showed up all the previous times. Except, there was no guitarist, bassist or drummer, there were three floating orbs in their place.

“Doesn’t it kind of look like the pictures I took in the garage that one day? What did you say it was? Ghosts?” He tried to recalled.

“Maybe you need to check the lense on the camera.” He had to cover for his sister. She specifically instructed that no one else must know about the boys. If Ray did find out, she might blame him for blabbing he secret. “Didn’t we get rid of the ghost when he had his French dip recipe?”

“Aren’t you the ghost expert?” He started to become more and more suspicious.

“Yes.” He immediately answered. “As the ghost expert, when we had the French dip pretty sure we completed the ghost’s unfinished business. You probably just need to check the lense on your camera.”

He watched his son leave it at that and plop on the couch, finding it a little off that Carlos, of all people, dismissed his ghost claim. The pictures were more odd when seeing the video Flynn posted of their performance, the boys showed up fine.

Was it only in pictures when they showed up as orbs, which coincidentally looked like ghost orbs? Did the hologram making gimmicks do that? If they were holograms wouldn’t they show up on camera, not as orbs? Come to think of it, why was her band called Julie and the Phantoms, as in ghosts, to begin with? The more questions that swirled in his head, the more it hurt.

“How long has he played? How’d he learn? Does he-”

“Why are you suddenly so interested in Nick?” She let out a laugh finding Luke humorous again.

“Can’t I be interested in your friends?”

She raised her eyebrows at him.

His face dropped. “That’s not what I- I didn’t mean-” he cleared his throat trying to separate the misunderstanding of words, “I mean you know…” the wood floor of her kitchen suddenly seemed more appealing to the eyes, “a ghost and lifer… that wouldn’t really-“

“Yeah…” Julie trailed off understanding his words exactly. He looked back up at her. “It would definitely be an interesting little relationship.” The smiles were like the ones they shared when he first said that to her, warm and tender.

“So how long has he played?” He cut the moment off.

She rolled her eyes, smile on her face though. “I don’t know. Maybe as long as you. It would add to the two of you getting along factor.”

“Really? You think?”

“Yeah you both are kind of really similar.” She topped her sandwich off with a piece of bread and brought the plate over to the table, leaving Luke still in the kitchen.

“Wait,” he realized, “you’re not just saying that because of the bangs and guitar right?”

“No.” She let out. Or because of how I like/liked both of you. ...Maybe she had a type now that she thought about it. “You both-“

Her sentence was cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“I got it.” She called to her dad and brother if they happened to move to get the door, sliding out of the chair at the table.

“We’re both what?” Luke asked from the kitchen as she went to get the door not wanting to be left on a cliffhanger.

“You two are caring and extremely passionate about the things you love. You both are totally sweethearts too.”

“Oh.” He nodded as she grabbed the front door’s handle. “Wait? Sweetheart?”

She gave him a simple smile, he thought he saw a possible blush that matched the shade of her dress too. The simple coral dress that had black buttons up the front of it. She turned her head back to the front door when she opened it.

“Hi! Nick!” She greeted.

From where he was in the kitchen, Luke could see Nick turn his head, his blonde bangs moved with the turn, at Julie. Then he saw him hand a bouquet of blush flowers to her.

“Thanks.” She smiled when she received his flowers. “Why don’t you come in?” She invited the boy in as her ghost one was in the kitchen, anxious to see how this interaction would go between Julie and Nick while he was present. It would definitely be an interesting one, but for reasons neither would understand just yet. The perfect set up for another part of the story that had yet to be told.

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ihatetaxes99 · 3 years

Text

A Brief Retrospective Look At MVA (In The Anime)

Well. Here we are. Every end of the time is another begun. After what has felt like years of anticipation (mostly because it actually has been years), My Villain Academia has been fully animated. Well, "fully" may be the wrong word here, but that's something I'll get into later.

To honour the end of the arc, I decided to do two things: One, I re-read the entirety of the arc in the manga all in one sitting; Two, I rewatched all five episodes of the anime's adaptation back to back once again. My life is pain and I know not of sleep. Anyway, the reason I did this is because of a little project I proposed to myself back just before the first episode aired; Once MVA was done and dusted, I would go back and give my own retrospective on the whole thing. Because why the hell not, sounds like fun. This will also hopefully be less emotional than my thoughts I shared as the episodes were still airing, but who knows?

So, let's begin. And I wish to start by stating that My Villain Academia is my absolute favourite arc in the manga. It did a lot of things right. It focused entirely on my favourite faction, the villains. It offers a glimpse into their lives and goes a long way in humanising them, particularly Spinner and Shigaraki. It sets up key points for others too, such as Mr. Compress' habit of thinking more about the bigger picture than the others, which would factor into his major reveal during the Paranormal Liberation War and of course the formation of the Front itself. It introduced us to Rikiya Yotsubashi, one of my favourite characters in the manga, even if he honestly peaked in this arc and was never as good again. And it gave us a large-scale, grueling fight for supremacy in which I found myself actively rooting for the League. It is, in my mind, the very best of BNHA, the only arc I would want them to do well in the anime. They could screw up literally everything else and I would be happy if MVA was even just as good as the manga, it didn't even need to be better. I would have been delighted to have an excuse to experience the arc all over again, seeing my favourite moments with the sublime soundtrack and voice acting.

Yeah…

But before I get to that, let us take a little trip of sorts down memory lane to see the road to MVA, what led to it. So, 2021 rolls around. What a fun year. It's just 2020 without the excitement of everything being so uncertain, and frankly it's been really fucking boring as a year. However, BNHA Season Five was announced. In February, we get the first trailer for the upcoming season. It's... It's fine. Obviously, it focuses heavily on the Joint Training Arc (in fact, that is all it shows) and although I despise that arc with a passion, it's not too bad. I had not watched the anime since Overhaul ended, so my plan was I just wouldn't watch JTA and would wait until the big attraction, MVA. And so, Joint Training starts. And it goes on. And on. And on. I checked back almost two months later to discover it still wasn't over yet. Now I found this odd. Joint Training Arc was horrible for many reasons, but the big one was that it dragged on for so long as a result of Horikoshi's health complications, which is by no means his fault. But, surely the anime, which would consistently release on a weekly basis, wouldn't have the issues associated with this. Episodes of BNHA have always encompassed around three to five chapters, and Joint Training's were shorter than usual, so why was it taking more than ten episodes to adapt it?

Very strange, but I didn't question it much. Then, the key visuals released, confirming that MVA was at the very least happening. Great, wonderful. I love it. We've got the whole gang there, seeming like they're in Deika, looks pretty good.

Wait, did I say whole gang? Yeah, my bad, there was someone missing. Spinner. Now, I am not the biggest Spinner fan so I wasn't prepared to riot over his exclusion like I would have been if Compress wasn't in it. But this was starting to get strange. Spinner was the main narrator of MVA. Even if his importance was not on the level of Shigaraki, Twice and Toga, it was certainly more than Dabi and Compress, who did both appear in the art. Why was he excluded? Obviously, I bet you're all having a good old chuckle to yourselves right now because in retrospect, this makes perfect sense now.

Alright, then. I heard from a friend around June time that Joint Training was finally over. Awesome, great, time for the good stuff- why is there a Christmas episode here?

Yes, this was probably what really started to get the alarm bells in my mind going. The Christmas episode- in June. Very, very strange. Also, absolutely no mention of Rikiya, which even if they were reshuffling things, I would have expected him to appear in the episode of Bakugo and Todoroki getting their licenses, since it directly ties in. Concern levels rising, I shrugged it off and waited for next week.

Bam. Major reshuffling. Now, Endeavour Agency comes first, fuck you if you want context for who the hell the PLF are or the significance of Destro's memoirs. This was really starting to worry me now. I told myself that the key visual meant that MVA had to be happening, but it was starting to seem like the villains were being shafted. A fact not helped by the new OP.

Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to complain or whine, but season five's second OP is just bad. The music is fine, I have no problem there. But the visuals are just awful. Not only is there an extended focus on that stupid bloody trio of Midoriya, Bakugo and Todoroki, not only is there more screentime given to characters who don't appear in MVA or EA than the main cast of the former, but the animation itself is just so stiff and lacking. It had potential, but the visuals are the worst out of any recent anime opening I've seen in a good few years and this was what got me really panicking.

Boom, a beach episode smack in the middle of Endeavour Agency to promote the upcoming movie. Boom, adapting two chapters per episode during EA. Boom, the Shirakumo episode, which I always thought was part of the War Arc and not EA. But finally, mercifully, the title leaks came and it was revealed that episode 20 of season five would be the start of MVA.

20. Out of 25. And it was pretty obvious that they weren't going to end the season with MVA, so really, up to 24. Ohhh no…

But hey, I'm an optimist sometimes. I was excited to just finally be clear of all this nonsense and get to the real good stuff. Hell, in preparation, I watched the entirety of the season up to that point. I finally realised why JTA took so long and it's one of the most depressing things I've ever learned, in a bad way. Were all those flashbacks really necessary? EA was okay, as someone who as a manga reader, already had the necessary context for the PLF stuff. The beach episode, I watched half of, got too bored and skipped the rest of. And you know what, I liked the Shirakumo chapters. They weren't as good in the anime, but it was nice to see.

And then, finally, in comes episode one of My Villain Academia, on a cold, dark August morning. I even bought Crunchyroll Premium to watch it as soon as possible, I was excited. All the messing around, all the crap, it was finally over and the time had come to enjoy what this season was really all about.

I can now safely say why Bones kept pushing back MVA, because if I was them, I would be embarrassed to show this.

No, that's not fair. I promised I wouldn't get too snarky, so let's reek things back in. As a whole, MVA has been… fine. Just fine. Not good enough to justify the bullshit, but not horrendous (mostly.) In fact, right now, I'll give a ranking of the episodes, my worst to best:

5) Episode One

4) Episode Two

3) Episode Three

2) Episode Five

1) Episode Four

Yeah. So, there's a clear pattern here, that things more or less got better as time went on. From just straight up bad, to still not great, to alright, to the final two episodes being what I would comfortably call good. This is not a good look. I'm sorry, but Episode One, an episode that I just called bad, is still one of the season's best in spite of that. That spells out awful things for this season as a whole. But what exactly made this such a disaster?

Well, cut content is the big thing. MVA in the anime cuts out:

The League's battle with the CRC

Their struggle with poverty

The sushi joke setup

All of Spinner's character

All of Rikiya's character, including most mentions of Detnerat and Miyashita

Fairly integral pieces of Skeptic's character

Most of Giran's integrity and bravery

This doesn't look too bad at first. It could be far worse. We got basically everything else from the arc, so what? Well, I would already be annoyed about all of these cuts, but the issue is that they cause a knock on effect. Without the establishment of the League's poverty, the payoff of Toga's duffle coat now makes no sense. Without the setup of Spinner's characterisation, his battle with Hanabata now feels hollow. Rikiya's surrender to the League now makes even less sense, as his love of human life and desire to cause no more death is completely non-existent. The first time Rikiya being a CEO is mentioned is in the closing minutes of the arc. The sushi scene is hamfisted into a two second flashback just so that the payoff makes some sort of sense, but again, it is hollow without it being at the start (this is also the first mention of the League's poverty and it literally happens just as they are freed from it.) Can you see how these little seemingly unimportant cuts spiral into bigger problems? I would have been pissed even if they hadn't caused some tremendous cascades, but the fact that they did just makes this from a subjective issue to an objective one.

Yes. They did some things well. Toga's backstory is mostly intact, SMP is just as satisfying as the manga, Tenko's backstory is one of the best things the anime has ever done, the awakening is very well done, I adore the PLF formation as much as I did in the manga. Everything important is intact, but as I keep saying, you cannot just keep the bare minimum and expect it to work. How about in the next arc, they decide to cut everything involving Bakugo out, and only keep him jumping in front of Midoriya because it's the only absolutely necessary thing he does in the arc? People would be pissed, and it's the same thing that's happening here. It's a problem, it's not just a bad adaptation, it leads to bad storytelling in general.

The animation. Now, I do not believe this is a be all, end all. BNHA's anime is never going to look as gorgeous as Horikoshi's art, that is a fact and I do not begrudge them for that. They have a week to draw hundreds upon hundreds of frames, it's not a process that lends itself well to good looks and the animators and artists do their best with what they have. This does not change the fact that it is extremely hit or miss. Some things, Tenko's backstory in particular, look fantastic. Other things, mostly every action scene, make me laugh at how bad they can look and some things, particularly Twice and Re-Destro's hideous designs in the anime, make me cringe. The lighting is also an issue. Garaki's lab looked fantastic, but every other scene is just boring mid-afternoon with dull, basic lighting. I don't expect huge detail, but sometimes, it fails to achieve competency and as an extremely popular show, I don't think that's okay. I don't blame the animators, I blame the higher ups. And while I wouldn't mind the poor animation and art in an MVA that at least has all the story content, this does not have that and so I am even harsher than I would have been.

MVA was rushed. That's not up for debate. It took forever to get to it and once it came, things moved so quickly that they gave me whiplash, with no time to think or lament. Now, this could be attributed to the story structure of the arc, which is essentially a series of big fights, and it just isn't as bad in the manga because I can stop at any time to catch my breath. But I think it's worth noting that the anime at least highlights these issues. Curious dies in the same episode where she first appears, really driving home how pointless she was in the end. Episode Two alone tries to cover everything from the journey to Deika up until Jin finding Toga's body. That's a lot of content to fit in one twenty minute period and it was bound to feel messy in the end. I will say that, much like everything aside from the animation, this did get better as time went on, with episodes three, four and five adapting more reasonable amounts of content, compared to one giving us almost nothing and two giving us too much.

At the end of the day, that was it. The show's over. MVA has been closed in the anime. It will never be given a chance to improve, to go from just fine to anything even close to the manga. Why did this happen? I don't think we'll ever truly know. Some blame the new movie, others the studio's lack of faith in the villains, and there are those who say that it's just how fate turned out. I personally think it's a combination of all of these things. Without the movie, that beach episode wouldn't exist, giving more time to MVA, without the studio's hesitation, we'd perhaps get stuff like an actual good OP and perhaps some more general hype for it (I mean, MVA didn't even get a trailer.) Whatever the reason is, we got what we got. My verdict is something that's very overplayed as of late, but seriously, just read the manga with the fantastic soundtrack playing in the background. The anime's adaptation of MVA is not worth the time investment, when you could read the manga in roughly the same length of time and get more content, a more coherent plot and beautiful artwork.

So, what may come next for Season Six? I don't know. Season Five has definitely been one of the most unpopular seasons in the anime, with a lot of people speaking out against it, but this mostly seems to come from the Western fanbase, so it's up in the air if Bones will learn from their mistakes. Since they'll have a full season to do presumably the War and Rouge Deku arcs, then I feel like they'll put on a better show. But we just don't know. Spinner had his spotlight stolen this time around, will Compress suffer the same fate in Season Six? Dabi and Toga will probably be handled well, since they have inexplicably high amounts of popularity, but with his own lack of recognition rivalling Spinner's, I can see Sako ending up much the same way. Time will tell, I suppose.

#my villain academia #mva #league of villains #Meta Liberation Army #studio bones #bnha season 5

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theydontknowaboutusimagines · 4 years

Text

Valentine’s Day Surprise - Harry Styles Mini Series (Part 1)

*Companion to This Christmas

You sat in front of your computer bundled up in your favorite hoodie and blanket combination. You made yourself some hot chocolate that you sipped on as you went over the changes you needed to make in your book. Your latest draft was back from your beta readers and now it was time to write yet another draft.

It was in the dead of winter in London and it was currently snowing outside of your window. You would be much warmer if you were sitting away from the window, but you had to have a window view when you were writing. Plus, the snow was so pretty. You would always be a lot warmer if you weren’t lonely in the house, knowing your boyfriend was thousands of miles away in sunny California.

Yep, that’s right, you and Harry were still together. Not that you doubted you would be, but it still felt weird to say. You weren’t living together yet, you still had your flat, while he had his massive home. But you did spend a lot of your time at his house or vice versa. Except the last few weeks since he’s been gone for work.

You missed him, a lot, and it’s really been the first time you two have been away from the other since you got back into each other’s lives last Christmas. But he had a movie to shoot, along with various other things he had to do and you had a book to work on.

Speaking of said book, you had spent nearly the entire day typing away and making the changes that were suggested. Even though the book was still not the best yet, it was without a doubt going to be your favorite book you’ve written thus far. And that had everything to do with the meaning behind it.

It was about two friends falling in love during the holiday season, which is exactly what happened with you and Harry. Granted, you two were already in love, but it took some reconnection to finally get you two to express your feelings to the other. You knew when the book would be released and you were being interviewed about it, someone would ask you where you got the idea or inspiration for it and you would have to tell them.

You wouldn’t tell them details or anything, not that anyone even knew you and Harry were together. Not really anyway. The two of you hadn’t really been spotted out together and even if you have, everyone knows your history of being friends, so the whole dating rumors haven’t really been sparked quite yet.

You were fine with that for the time being. You knew how things got, at least from an outside view, whenever he was dating someone, so the longer you could avoid that the better. But you knew one day, it would come out and hopefully knowing the history you have with Harry will make it not as bad.

Your neck was starting to hurt and your head was throbbing from looking at the screen all day. So, you decided to call it day and resume again tomorrow. You were halfway through with the revisions, which wasn’t normal for you, knowing you had just finished a draft not too long ago. But that’s what happens when you’re really passionate and don’t have distractions around.

You shut your computer and headed over to the couch in the living area, plopping down right onto the cushions. You stretched out and closed your eyes for a bit, trying to give them a rest. In that moment, you wished Harry was there because you needed a serious massage of your neck and shoulders.

After laying there for a few moments, you slowly started to drift off asleep, when your phone rang. You groaned, debating on letting it go to voicemail or answering it. However, when you glanced over and saw Harry’s photo, you decided on the latter.

You clicked on the green button and soon Harry’s face was looking back at you.

“Hey, baby,” he smiled.

“Hi,” you yawned, sitting up at a better angle.

“Were you sleeping? Is this a bad time?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“No, I was just resting my eyes,” you said. “Too much screen time today.”

“Remember, you’re supposed to look 20 feet away every twenty minutes for twenty seconds,” he said.

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t have time for that.”

“You do,” he laughed. “Just set a timer on your phone or something.”

“Easier said than done,” you said. “You know if I’m in the zone, it’s hard to stop until I’m at a stopping point.”

“Well, then don’t complain if you’re not going to do it,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes again, “I wouldn’t have to worry about it, if I had someone here to rub my shoulders.”

“You better be talking about me and not just any someone,” he raised an eyebrow.

“Of course, I don’t want random people touching me,” you shuddered.

He laughed.

“But seriously, how much longer till your back?” You asked.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair, “A few more weeks, at the least... another month or so, at the most.”

“I thought you were almost finished,” you said.

“We are, but then there’s some reshoots and some stuff we’re doing for promo,” he said. “Plus, I’ve got some meetings out here for the next album.”

“So, then I guess this means we won’t be together for Valentine’s Day,” you whispered.

“Not in person, no,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, love.”

“No, it’s fine,” you sighed. “I mean... it’s not that big of a deal. Its not really genuine holiday and I’ve never really cared about celebrating it before... but like I don’t know, I just thought maybe it would be fun. Plus, I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” he said. “I promise we’ll figure it out, okay? We can facetime or zoom. Watch some romcoms and eat chocolates.... maybe have some fun on camera,” he smirked.

“You wish,” you scoffed. “I don’t trust technology that much. I don’t need someone hacking in and starting an Only Fans with my pictures!”

“Have you been watching Catfish again?” He asked.

“Yes, but I’m using it for research for another novel idea I have,” you defended.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he joked.

“Anyway,” you said. “I guess us having a little virtual date wouldn’t be a horrible option. It would be better than not doing anything at all.”

“Then it’s settled,” he smiled. “We’ll come up with something fun to do and pick a time that works with the time zones and it’ll be as perfect as it can be, okay?”

“Okay,” you nodded.

“Great, I just wanted to check in and tell you I love and miss you,” he said. “So, I’ll let you get back to resting your eyes and watching Catfish.”

“Ha, ha,” you said. “But I love and miss you, too.”

“Good,” he smiled. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, see you later,” you smiled, blowing him a kiss before hanging up the phone.

You sighed, placing the phone down as the realization of Harry not being coming home for another few weeks hit you. You knew this would happened. It’s what has happened throughout your entire friendship, but you thought you had grown and it wouldn’t hurt as much.

But you were wrong. It did hurt knowing you two wouldn’t be together for Valentine’s Day. Even though you never cared about the holiday before, this year felt different. You wanted it to be this amazing and special day spent with the man you loved. The man you had waited years to finally be with, but now it was going to happen through a screen and him miles away.

Harry felt bad the second he ended the FaceTime call with you. Even though you had put on a smile, he knew you well enough that you were disappointed. Him not being around was part of the reason why your friendship ended the first go around and he made it his mission to never let your relationship end because of that.

He loved you. You are his person and he just got you back into his life. He didn’t want the possibility of you leaving it to ever cross your mind. He had to come up with something to make sure he was there with you. Valentine’s Day was in a little over a week, surely that would give him enough time to figure out a plan.

“Harold, hello,” a voice called out from behind him.

“Oh, what?” He asked turning around to see his manager waving his hands around.

“What’s got you out of it?” Jeff asked.

“I uh... I just finished talking with Y/N,” he sighed. “I told her I wasn’t sure when I’ll be back... and she mentioned missing out on Valentine’s Day...”

“Well, I mean it is just Valentine’s Day,” he pointed out. “Many people don’t do anything on the actual day anymore anyway.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Harry shook his head. “You’ve been in a relationship for years. This is our first one and Y/N... she’s not normally someone who falls into the whole Valentine’s Day thing... but I could tell she ws looking forward to doing something.”

“Why can’t she just come here, then?” Jeff suggested. “Her schedule is a little easier to move around right now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry asked.

“I didn’t mean it to come out like it sounded,” he said. “I just meant that what you’re working on has to be done here in LA... she’s working on something that she just needs wifi and a laptop... that can be done anywhere.”

“Yeah, but I’m the one gone... I shouldn’t have to make her uproot her work,” Harry said.

“Look, do what you want to do, but I’m telling you there’s hardly anytime to travel to London and back with your schedule the way it is,” he said.

“Gee, you’re a wonderful help,” Harry rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Jeff responded, holding his up.

“I told her I’m going to figure something out and I will,” he said. “If I have to move or postpone things around, I will. Y/N’s important to me and being with her will always be my priority over a meeting that can be an email or postponed to a later date.”

“I get that, Harry,” he said. “But you can’t always be the one who does that or else you’re going to end up being resentful.”

“You know, I thought you were happy Y/N and I were together, but now it seems a lot like you wish I was single,” Harry snapped.

“I didn’t say that,” Jeff said. “I just know how you are, H. At the beginning of a relationship, you’re doing everything to make it work, and eventually you get tried of it and things go south. I know how much you love, Y/N and I don’t want to see it end because I don’t know if you could come back from that.”

“I’m so confused right now,” Harry said. “You don’t want me to change my schedule around to go see my girlfriend because you’re afraid I’ll be doing too much and eventually I’ll break it off?”

“Just think about it,” Jeff said. “If you do this for Valentine’s Day, then what if she expects it any other time. Will she ever be the person who changes her schedule around for you, or will it always be you because you have the most on your plate.”

“Y/N isn’t like that,” he said. “She’s not even asking me to do this.”

“No yet, at least,” he said. “But once she realizes that you can...”

“No, I done listening to this,” Harry said. “You know one day, I’m going to get married, right? And I’m going to have kids, right? So eventually, yeah, I’m going to have to change my scheduled or not do things because I need to be with my family.”

“Exactly, so why waste opportunities now?” Jeff asked.

“Because opportunities will always be there to take, Y/N may not be,” Harry said before grabbing his things and walking out the door.

Sooo... what do you think? It’s been a while since I’ve felt like writing... so hopefully it isn’t too bad.

#Harry Styles Imagines #Harry Styles Fanfiction #Harry Styles Fan fic

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whumpcollector · 3 years

Text

Kai and 07: Flu Season

I return. The semester is over, my schedule is clear and I’m ready to fucking WRITE baby. This the next piece in Kai and 07′s story. I hope you all enjoy it.

CW: Hospitals, drugging in a medical context, dehumanization, slavery, institutionalized slavery, vomiting. (If I’ve missed anything let me know)

07 knelt on the bathroom floor, hands gripping the rim on the toilet bowl and sweat pouring down their face. They had spent the past few minutes vomiting out the contents of their stomach, bile burning their throat and mouth. They breathed heavily, eyes locked on the closed bathroom door. They had tried to keep quiet, but there was only so much they could do and a possibility that they may have woken master made them want to be sick again.

A minute passed and there was no sound of footsteps, no slamming open of the bathroom door and grabbing of hair as master dragged them into the living room to punish them for daring to make enough noise to wake him. Daring to be sick enough to be an annoyance.

They let out a sigh of relief, this was the second night in a row they had managed to not wake master, and they hoped that they wouldn’t need to press their luck for a third. Luck had never been on their side before.

With a low groan they dragged themselves off of the bathroom. Their legs felt like jelly and their head swam as they limped back to their room. A shiver ran down their spine and they hugged their stomach, wanting to rush back towards the warmth of their blankets while also wanting to avoid moving too fast and making any noise.

07 reached their room, walking in and closing the door softly behind them. They flopped onto the floor of the closet, their little safe haven, and wrapped the blankets around themselves. A quick glance at a digital clock that master had installed showed that it was close to 3 am. They groaned softly, another bad night of sleep. Maybe they could push their luck and change the alarm from 6 to 7. Master usually did not wake up until a few hours after them.

They reached for the clock, fingers hovering over the alarm setting button before pulling their hand back. It wasn’t worth the risk. Master had given them many gifts lately, if they were caught being lazy the consequences would be withering. They could tough it out, they had been through worse.

Another shiver hit them and they pulled the blankets tighter around themselves. All of their body hurt, and their stomach was churning again. They hadn’t felt this bad in a long time. But they would be ok, when they woke up they would be ok. They desperately, fervently hoped that they would be ok.

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The alarm on the digital clock beeped noisily as 07 was ripped from their sleep. They were not ok. They were as far from ok as one could be while still being alive. Their head was pounding, their throat was dry and scratchy, and the mere thought of moving made their limbs ache.

The possibility that they were dying came across their mind. It didn’t seem unlikely at this point. A part of them were scared by the prospect, another felt like dying and letting this be over with wouldn’t be so bad. Another, smaller, almost utterly silent part wondered if maybe they could beg Master to take a day to recover.

No, no, no never no. Master may have been understanding and kind, but his generosity wasn’t limitless, it couldn't be. Asking for anything after being given so much would be nothing short of an insult. They couldn’t afford to do that, they wouldn’t be able to take a punishment. They just wouldn’t.

The alarm sounded again, the loud noise making 07’s head pound. They limply turned the clock off. A warm silence fell and 07’s eyes grew heavy. It would be so nice, so easy to just fall back asleep.

NO! They forced their eyes open and dragged themselves upright, legs shaking and vision swimming as they did. They...they had to get up. Had to work. Had to stay on Master’s good side. They could do this, they could do this.

Their steps towards the door were slow and shaky, each one feeling harder than the last. They pushed the door open slowly, stumbling forward slightly into the hallway. A draft blew through the house, sending another wave of shivers down 07’s spine. They warped their arms tightly around their body and made their way into the kitchen.

The kitchen sink still had dishes in it, remnants from last night. 07 looked at them hopelessly. They had left them there because they had wanted to go to bed a bit early, telling themselves they would clean them when they felt better the next day. Now the small stack of plates and cutlery looked like a mountain to climb.

07 stood in the kitchen, trying to psych themselves up. It wouldn’t be too much work. Breakfast could be quick, some toast and eggs. Master Kai had been busy the past few days, a big order for an important client as he had put it. A smaller breakfast wouldn’t be something he would mind. Then they could do all the dishes in one batch. That was manageable. Alright, time to g-

The sound of the refrigerator opening snapped 07 out of their thoughts. Their eyes went wide as they saw Master Kai rummaging through the contents of the fridge. They quickly looked to the wall clock. 8:15?! Had they really just stood there like a useless piece of shit for more than an hour? Their gaze snapped back to Master, who was pulling out an old box of Chinese take-out.

He glanced at them over his shoulder. “Morning, 07.” The greeting was quick, and Master was already leaving after grabbing a fork from the drawer. “Lotta work to do, I’ll be at the forge if you need me”.

07 watched gormlessly as Master turned the corner and disappeared. Their brain took a few seconds to process what was happening. They blinked once, then twice, and then felt their knees buckle as a wave of panic hit them.

They had just STOOD there! And did NOTHING! In front of their MASTER! They didn’t have breakfast ready and there were dishes in the sink and they had just stood around while their master was right there they didn’t even bow or respond to him an-

A fit of coughing knocked them out of their spiraling. The rough sound echoed through the empty house and 07 suddenly felt very cold and very alone. They took a moment to recover and pull themselves together. Well, Master was out at the forge and breakfast seemed to be...taken care of? That meant they could clean the dishes at least. And when they were done with that they could maybe take it slow, there wasn’t much to do and what housework was left was pretty light.

07 took a deep breath and walked to the sink. Their arms ached and their vision was spotty, but they had done harder work under worse conditions. All they had to do was wash the dishes and maybe vacuum or clean the windows. Nothing they couldn’t handle. They could do this, they would be fine.

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Kai brought his hammer down onto the hot blade in front of him, sending up a spray of sparks and finally molding it into the shape he wanted. He grabbed the blade with a pair of tongs and dunked into a nearby bucket of water, waving away the cloud of smoke that emanated from the cooling metal.

Last one for the day, not bad progress he mused as he set about shutting the forge off and putting his tools back into place. It would be close but he’d probably finish up by the deadline. Hopefully he would at least. Even if he didn’t he was on good terms with the client, he could probably get away with a slight delay.

It was getting dark. Winter days were short and forging in the cold of night wasn’t something Kai was interested in. He checked his watch...6:30 pm. It was a bit early for dinner, but he had skipped lunch. Oh well, 07 probably wouldn’t mind cooking a bit earlier than usual.

Even if they did mind they probably wouldn’t say anything. The thought bothered Kai. He was still getting used to the whole...having a slave thing. All that power over someone else, it made him feel...weird. He didn’t like it. He was an idiot who shouldn’t be given responsibility over a cactus, much less a whole entire person. Still, it seemed like 07 was doing alright so maybe he wasn’t doing too badly.

Cold air rushed in after him as he entered his house. A loud noise was coming from the living room, sounded like 07 was vacuuming. Kai shot a quick glance towards the floor. Hm, it seemed like 07 vacuumed the whole house. Much as he still felt weird about having them around, Kai couldn’t deny they were a godsend. His place hadn’t been this well kept since, well since he moved in fifteen years ago.

He should find a way to thank them for all their work. Maybe a gift of some sort? Some trinket to put in their room to add a bit of decoration. He didn’t know what their aesthetic tastes were though. They liked animals...maybe something zoo themed?

Maybe they wouldn’t mind hanging a sword on their wall. Everyone likes swords right?

Kai mused to himself as took off his jacket, hanging it over his arm and making his way into the living room. Sure enough 07 was busy vacuuming the floor, their movements slow and deliberate and their focus squarely on the task at hand. Kai stood back and watched them for a bit. They looked so intense, they always did. Like every small chore was the most important thing they would ever do in their life. It was endearing, at least it would be if Kai didn’t have…less than pleasant theories regarding where that attitude came from.

As Kai watched them he noticed something was off. At a closer glance their movements were less deliberate and more…sluggish. They were hunched over, their legs were shaky, and their face was scrunched up like they were in pain.

“Hey 07, you alright?” Kai asked, walking towards them. They didn’t respond, their gaze still on the vacuum like they were in a trance. “Hey! 07!”

07’s eyes shot open and they turned abruptly towards Kai. Their sudden movement caused them to drop the vacuum handle, and it hit the ground with a dull thud. They turned to look at the vacuum, then back to Kai, then back to the vacuum before their eyes rolled into their head and they crumpled to the floor.

“SHIT!” Kai rushed to them, kneeling down next to their body and placing a hand on their forehead. Jesus fucking shit they were burning up. His mind raced, what should he do. Fuck, what should he do. Maybe...fuck it, he wasn’t taking any chances. He wrapped them in his jacket and picked them up. They were light...really fucking light. Whatever, more pressing matters at hand.

He dashed to the front door, grabbing his keys off the hook on the wall. The driveway was clear, thankfully. He gently placed 07 down in the backseat of the car, strapping them down with the seat belts so they wouldn’t roll onto the floor. Kai jammed the key into the ignition, swearing heavily as the engine stalled due to the cold. Once the vehicle started up Kai all but barreled out of the driveway and began making a beeline for the local hospital.

The roads were empty and Kai drove as fast as wasn’t suicidal. Couldn’t get 07 the help they needed if he wrapped his car around a fucking tree right? Hahahahahahahaha.

Fuck.

Kai glanced at them in the rearview mirror. They were still unconscious, but it didn’t look like they had gotten any worse. Not to Kai at least. But then again what the fuck did he know? It was perfectly fucking possible that they were dying back there and he just couldn’t tell.

“Oh fucking...DAMN IT.”

He pressed harder on the gas, he could afford to go a bit faster. It was only a few more miles to the hospital anyways. The silence in the car was starting to feel suffocating, and Kai turned on the radio just to have some noise fill the air. The rest of the drive was uneventful, and Kai found himself pulling into the hospital parking lot sooner than he expected. Well, at least something was going well.

He unbuckled the still unconscious 07 and scooped them into his arms. The parking lot was almost empty, which meant the ER wouldn’t be too busy. Another lucky break. He entered the reception area, it was empty aside from the receptionist and one other person waiting. He walked up to the desk, clearing his throat to get the receptionists attention.

“Excuse me, I need help.”

The receptionist looked up from the file she was reading, startling slightly at the sight of 07 in Kai’s arms. “Oh, um, yes, how can I help.”

“They fell unconscious in my house. They have a fever. I think they’re sick.”

Brilliant observation genius.

The receptionist nodded. “Ok, one moment”. She made a call on the intercom and two nurses showed up with a stretcher. Kai gently put 07 onto it and they were taken away. He wanted to follow but was told to wait for a doctor to get him. He didn’t argue, best leave this to the professionals.

“Excuse me sir, if you wouldn;t mind there is some information I need to get down.”

Kai turned. “Oh, yes of course.” He sat at the chair in front of the reception desk.

The talk with the receptionist was a welcome distraction. It was all basic stuff, names, insurance, nothing that Kai couldn’t provide off the top of his head. He did get a strange look when he mentioned 07’s name, but the explanation of them being a slave seemed to clear that up.

Now all he could do was wait. He sat in the reception area, mindlessly looking through his emails and social media. The almost incomprehensible stream of advertisements, news, and shitty memes proved an effective distraction until he was approached by a doctor.

“Excuse me, Mr. Kai is it?”

Kai looked up, pocketing his phone and standing. “Yes, that's me.”

“Hello. My name is Doctor Graves. I have good news, your slave, 07 right?” Kai nodded. “Well all that's wrong is a case of the flu. It seems they passed out from exhaustion. They’re still unconscious but they’re stable. We have them on some medication and they should hopefully wake up soon.”

Kai let out a breath of relief. It was just the flou, they were fine. “Thanks doc. That's good to hear”.

The doctor nodded. “You know, generally speaking it's better to let slaves rest when they are sick instead of working them too hard. Even the common cold can be dangerous if left untreated.”

Kai raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms and frowning. “Hey! I didn’t do this to them”.

“I’m sure you didn't but…”

“Listen, I didn’t know they were sick. I’ve been busy and wasn’t paying too much attention. If I had known I would have told them to take it easy.”

The doctor didn’t seem convinced. “Be that as it may, I would recommend you pay more attention to them in the future. Negligence is the number one cause of death in slaves.”

Kai sighed, dropping his arms and slumping slightly. “Yeah doc, thanks for the advice. I’ll keep that in mind.”

The doctor nodded again. “I’ll have someone let you know when they wake up.”

Kai sat back down, placing his head in his hands. The doctor was right, he had really fucked up. How could he have just...not fucking notice? 07 had been suffering for what, three days? Forcing themselves to work while they were sick and he apparently didn’t care enough to even fucking notice.

God damn it. He knew he wasn’t cut out for this shit, he knew it. 07 would be better off with anyone else, someone fucking competent. Not his dumb ass. He let out another sigh, sliding his hands down his face and letting them rest in his lap.

Well, regardless of his lack of ability 07 would be with him for at least four more months. He was sure after all this shit they’d be counting down the days they could leave for someone even slightly qualified to care for another human being. He didn’t blame them. He wouldn't want to be stuck with him either.

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07 woke slowly, consciousness having to fight through a thick haze to reach them. The first thing they noticed was a strange beeping noise, followed by the stark whiteness of the walls. This...this wasn’t their room. Where were they, where was Master? What was going on?

Piece by piece their mind began to remember what had happened. They had finished the dishes and decided to...vacuum around the house. It took longer than they expected, the noise from the vacuum made their head pound and they had to take a few breaks to gather themselves. Then Master had come in from outside and then...then.

Panic hit them like a bullet, they had passed out in front of Master. Was he angry at them? Is that why they were alone in some strange room? What...what was going to happen to them. Their breathing grew rapid and shallow. The strange beeping noise began to grow faster and more erratic. What was that? Was it bad?

They heard voices and saw people that they didn’t recognize entered the room. 07 tried to shrink away, they didn’t want to be with these people. They...they wanted Master. The strangers got closer, crowding around them. They wanted to get away, but they couldn’t. They were trapped. They were…

They were on a bed.

A bed with walls that trapped them in and people were hovering over them, grabbing at their arms and chest. Panic gave way to desperation, and they began to struggle. They tried to flail, to get their arms away from the strangers’ grip. Despite their best efforts they couldn’t get away.

“N-no…” they began to beg. “Please...no. Please...don’t.”

The strangers wouldn’t let them go. They heard voices, words coming from their mouths but they couldn’t tell what they were. The fog of fear muddled everything around them.

“Please...please. Let me go. Please”.

They screwed their eyes shut, not wanting to see what the strangers might do. A sickening sense of familiarity hit them. It was going to happen again. It was going to happen again and they didn’t want it to happen again. They didn’t want to...to…

Their arms were let go and they felt a hand rest gently on their shoulder. They tensed, waiting for the grip to turn harsh or for it to start tearing at their shirt. Instead nothing happened. 07 opened their eyes slowly and turned to see...Master Kai?

Master Kai!

He gave a small smile. “Hey there 07, how are you holding up?”

They didn’t know what to say. Their mind was still hazy and the sudden shift from panic to relief had given them whiplash. But still, their master was talking to them and they needed to say something.

“I...I...good?”

They berated themselves internally. What a clumsy and stupid response. But Master Kai didn’t seem to mind. He never seemed to mind when they were stupid.

“That's good, that's good.” He let out a small chuckle. “You gave me quite a scare you know?”

“Excuse me Mr. Kai? I would like to speak to you about a few things before we discharge your slave.”

“Oh. Alright.”

The two men began to talk and 07 laid back, closing their eyes and drowning out what was being said. It was not the place of a slave to eavesdrop or insert themselves into their master’s business. Now that the panic had worn off they found themselves feeling rather tired. They still didn’t feel great, and getting to rest a bit longer would be nice. But they had to wait, they...needed Master’s permission first.

“Mmm...may...mmmm…”

Their attempt at a question limply railed off into soft mumbling. Before they could try again they felt Master squeeze their shoulder.

“Just rest 07. I’ll wake you up when we need to head home.”

07 was asleep before he finished his sentence.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kai pulled into the driveway with a relieved sigh. It was nice to be back home, Kai had never liked hospitals. He shut off his car and stepped out, walking to the backseat and pulling the still asleep 07 into his arms. He didn’t have the heart to wake them up when they had been discharged.

He entered his house and walked into the living room, only to be met by the lord wiring of the vacuum cleaner. Damn, that thing had been running for...shit 7 hours? Well there goes the electricity bill. The loud noise also had the unwelcome side effect of waking 07. They stirred in his arms, blinking blearily and looking around the room.

“Aw, piss.” Kai walked over to the vacuum, shifting 07 around slightly so he could turn the damn thing off. “Shut it will ya?”

“M...Master Kai?” Their voice was rough.

“Oh, hey 07.” Kai looked down to see 07 looking at him, seemingly still disoriented. “We’re back home, hold on, I'll get you to b-your room.”

07 simply nodded, closing their eyes again and starting to nod off. God they really were tired weren’t they. That or whatever the hospital had given them was hitting them hard. Either way they’d probably be out for another day. Maybe longer. Oh well, they had earned the rest.

Kai set 07 down in their closet...room...thing. This whole situation was still weird to him. He wanted to talk to them about maybe moving to an air mattress or futon at some point but that would have to come later. One thing at a time and all that.

He tucked 07 beneath the blankets, making sure they were wrapped up tightly. The blankets were thick, but it was still a cold night and that damn draft was still going on. Fuck! He needed to get that fixed. Ugh, tomorrow he was tracking down whatever hole in the wall was causing that draft and patching it with extreme prejudice.

He shook his head slightly and left the room, walking to a storage closet and pulling out an old space heater. He put the heater down in 07’s room, plugging it in and turning it to a warm but not sweltering temperature. There, now 07 should be comfortable.

Kai stood in the room and watched 07 for a few minutes, watching for anything that might be cause for concern. Aside from a few sniffles 07 stayed sound asleep and Kai decided he was just being paranoid now. It wasn’t anything serious, just a case of the flu. Bed rest and fluids, nothing more complicated. The doctor recommended they be given at least two days to recover, and he intended to make sure they took that time to rest.

Guilt hit him again. He shouldn’t have ever let it get this bad. He needed to be more attentive, be more aware. He needed to be better. For their sake. He wasn’t going to fail someone else again.

At least, no more than he already had.

Tags: @haro-whumps @cupcakes-and-pain

#kai #07 #whump #slave whump #medical whump #sorta #i can't wait until I figure out Kai's characterization #its gonna be great #Ill be able to give him a persoanlity and everything

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