#hopefully i could somehow answer your question in a somewhat coherent way ;;;;;

[stormyoceans]

Hello, Monica, Do you have any idea about Title's -Chueam's lil bro- role OF? He is present in the intro but appeared in the series once in passing and cries in the trailer. It seemed to me that this is a significant character -possibly ex sand- but for now Title is being kept in the basement. Good day for you!

hello, anon!!!

you know, now that you mention it.... i honestly have no idea what his role in the story is supposed to be ;;;;;;

part of me feels like he's not necessarily gonna come into play in the main plot, as in.... idk if i can explain myself but like, take gap for example: he actively affects the story by filming his hook-up with boston, but drake is not in the main credits of the show. on the other hand, jennie and tee are in the main credits, but for now yo and plug haven't been directly involved in the boys' messes. they are, however, familiar with all the characters, and by owning the bar where a lot of the action takes place, they often get caught in the crossfire

i think atom's role is gonna be more similar to yo and plug's rather than gap's: he probably won't influence the plot with his actions (so i find it unlikely he's gonna turn out to be sand's ex, if only because i think chueam would know sand and top if that were the case), but because he is chueam's brother maybe he will get caught in the crossfire too. i find it strange, for example, that in the only brief scene he showed up in they took the time to point out he has a girlfriend. maybe something will happen with her, or maybe he's gonna be at the party in the next episode and somehow get involved with the drugs

tl;dr: i personally don't think he's gonna be a very significant character, plot wise, but i feel like he will somehow have to deal with the fall-out of the boys' actions and that's why he's crying in the trailer

[script-nef]

So why won’t you realise it '^' | Gojou Satoru

Category: fluff

1.9k words; Movie date [2/6]

Spoilers of Howl’s Moving Castle!! Beware!!

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“Eh, Shouko! What do you mean you can’t make it?”

“I mean, another person is about to come in and they need me to heal them. By the time I’m done the movie will be finished.” Shouko’s voice over the phone is laced with annoyance and sadness coupled with lethargy. You don’t know how she pulls off such a unique combination of emotions but she somehow accomplishes it every time. “And I was looking forward to it…”

This would have been the first time you had a break with her since the trip to France. And while she enjoyed it a lot, the same couldn’t be said for the two males. Which was weird since Gojou is infatuated with sweets and Ken-chan agreed to come. So it was kind of weird when there was a tense atmosphere between them. You know your brother and Gojou are nearly polar opposites, but their animosity wasn’t usually that strong. 

They brushed it off as nothing when you asked if something was wrong, which was sort of dubious since you could kind of see the black cloud looming over the both of them, but you let it go. If it was something important, they would be able to handle it themselves or report it to you. You couldn’t sense any cursed spirits nearby so you guessed that they were just in a bad mood for some reason.

Still, you had a wonderful time and found some new snacks that everyone enjoyed. So a day well spent, all in all. 

And Ken-chan told you to tell him if Gojou ever offers overseas trips or anything similar, so he must have enjoyed it. Maybe you can ask Gojou to take all of you to Denmark one day.

“Ah… my dear Howl. Life and curses separate us again.” Her voice is full of sadness now, no doubt mourning over her chance of watching her favourite character on a huge screen with surround sound disappearing. 

“It’s okay! I’ll bring you the figurine and we can watch it again here in about… uh…”

“Ten years?” She sounds like she’s about to drop dead.

“Uh… yes… But maybe five years? Hopefully? You know, I shouldn’t watch it without you. I’ll come back to school.” 

“No, no. Watch the movie. At least you’ll get to see it. Ah, they’re coming now so I have to go.”

“Ah, okay. Bye, Shouko! Stay positive!”

A non-committal sigh accompanies a small “Bye” before the call clicks off. A frown takes over your face at the lost opportunity for her. She was looking forward to this for a long time and you leapt at the chance for another girls’ day out. Being able to watch a childhood favourite is an added bonus. But now you’re standing in the movie theatre, the ticket desk just across the room and an extra on your hand. 

It’s a shame because it cost quite a lot. Shouko is definitely going to mope about this when you get back and maybe start smoking again. She always has a pack on her even if she said she quit, and smokes one if she’s stressed or angry. You should call someone and make sure somebody takes it away from her.

You should probably hold onto the ticket and give it back. Or maybe that would make it worse for her, serving as a reminder of this day. Conflict rages inside your head. There’s a high possibility of either decision breaking her heart. Again. A buzz from your phone saves you the trouble of deciding.

Shouko: I sent someone as my replacement. 

A tap on the shoulder makes you turn as you type in a reply and you come face to face with a black jacket. Gojou’s head pops down.

“Hey there. I think you called for a replacement!” He seems to be in a ridiculously good mood, even more so than usual. Maybe his students successfully finished another mission. Which is great. It also means more paperwork for you. Which is not so great.

“How did you com—ah. Teleportation.”

“Ding ding ding! Correct!” He's been using the skill more frequently lately, popping in and out of places like one of those Whac-A-Mole games. . It gives you heart attacks all the time and you’re sure he gets a kick out of it. You saw how his smiles widen when you flinch or react. Thankfully it’s when you’re alone so other people never see you jump what feels like a metre into the air.

“Do you want popcorn?” He breaks you out of your thoughts. “I think they have the new caramel flavour. Apparently it’s way too sweet.” So perfect for Gojou. Even though he’s asking if you want it, there’s a spring in his step which definitely means he’s getting some. Probably the biggest option they have.

And you’re proven right because he comes back with two huge buckets which look impossible to finish. When you try to object, he cuts off with “I’ve eaten three buckets before. Alone.” With the smile he’s giving you, it really doesn’t sound like he’s joking. You try to take one to lighten the load but he says it’s alright. 

He signals the way to the theatre rooms with his head, walking beside you as you find your way.

“So what’s the movie?” Your head snaps to him in confusion.

“You don’t know?” A shake and a shrug. “It’s Howl’s Moving Castle. This was Shouko’s idea since she loves it and this year is Studio Ghibli’s 40 year anniversary. The cinema is having an exclusive showing of their movies this month. Only one session per movie, for some reason. Surely they would make more money if they played it over multiple days, but. I dunno. Executives make weird decisions.” A light scoff from him to tell he knows exactly what that’s like. His hatred for the higher-ups runs deep. You don’t push it.

“So she wanted to come but got held back at the last minute?”

“Yeah. Ah, here are our seats.”

You’re placed in the very middle of the room and you both make yourselves comfortable. Shouko went all out for this movie, upgrading the seats and making it a recliner. Your poor back, abused after sitting in chairs and hunched over computers for so long, practically melts into the plush cushion. It’s so comfortable that you might fall asleep in it if it isn’t Howl that’s about to start. 

Feet dangling in the air, you look over to Gojou to see him on his phone. It looks like he’s in a chatroom and you catch the words ‘Shouko’ and ‘favour’ before looking away. You didn’t mean to peek, but it’s not like you can consciously not read something. It was in your line of sight and you averted your eyes as soon as you realised what you were reading. Your brother brought you up better than to pry into other people’s businesses, even if it’s really, really tempting.

“Phones need to be placed on silent, you know.” The ads are coming on the screen. He smiles at you, slipping it into his pocket.

“Just talking to Shouko. She says she hasn’t even started properly.”

Disappointment fills you. Gojou is a good friend to watch this with but you hoped Shouko would somehow miraculously finish in time. She would be devastated.

“I’ll have to make this up to her when we get back. Give her the figurine and keep her hap—ah! I forgot! Gojou, I was supposed to ask someone to take her ciga—” He cuts you off with a light pat on your hand.  

“Don’t worry, I did it already. All of them are safe out of her reach and I gave her packets of hot chocolate instead. When we get back, she’ll have drunk at least half of them and be in a good mood.” What a Gojou-like replacement. He smiles like a child wanting pats on the head for a job well done. You just barely catch yourself from moving. 

Gojou gets a rep for being aloof and neglectful, but he does take care of the people he holds dear to him. His friends, members of the school, his students. You hope you’re included in the list. 

Actually, the more you think about it, the more you realise he’s different from initial perceptions. You learn more and more about him as time goes on, in the most delightful sense. He’s somewhat like an onion, new characteristics being revealed every time a layer is peeled. A snicker escapes at the thought of Gojou dressed up like an onion, just waddling around. He shoots you a questioning head tilt which you wave off.

In the years that you’ve known him, he made himself into a trustworthy friend. One full of laughs and ridiculousness. Maybe it’s his childishness that puts you at ease, but he’s incredibly comfortable and easy to relax around. Thoughts trail and the words fly out of your mouth before you even think.

“You know, I think you would make a wonderful boyfriend.”

He freezes completely, like somebody’s zapped him in place. You stare at him, wondering what’s wrong, but the lights dim and by the time he gathers coherence, your concentration is on the opening sequence.

“Ah, that was so good! Ugh, I love Howl. Isn’t he so cool?” You skip out of the room, remembering to take the figurines provided at the exit, with Gojou trailing behind you. “You know how she asks him to wait for her in the past? The first thing he says to her in the movie is ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you.’ He searched for her the entire time! This is modern poetry. This.” 

“Do you think Howl would be a good boyfriend?” The question stops you. It’s different than usual for some reason, the voice asking the question and the intensity of it. He’s still his aloof self, all smiles and grins, but there’s something you can’t quite place that’s wrong. It’s unnerving, but you diligently answer his question.

“Um, I mean, yeah? Look at how cute he is with Sophie. See?” The figurine is a frozen shot of Howl and Sophie dancing in the rain with an umbrella that’s not being useful at all. They’re both incredibly detailed, so much so that you can see their clothes and skin drenching wet. Wow, this is actually a phenomenal job. Shouko will be so happy. It makes your heart lighter knowing that at least something might light up her day. 

“Why is he cool?” Gojou seems to be invested in Howl. It confuses you since he just watched the movie with you and he saw how awesome Howl is. 

“Hm, well for one he can do magic.” He opens his mouth but you shush him with a finger to his lips. “Yeah, I know, what we have is kind of like magic too. But theirs is just… different. He just makes it seem kind of elegant. And he overcame his fear just for Sophie. Remember the scene with Sulliman and in the cluttered bedroom? He still found the strength to protect her even though he was so scared before. It’s admirable. I guess I like strong guys.”

“Hmm~” His tone is contemplative. “You know I’m stronger than him, right?”

A question mark forms over your head. He’s being really weird today. “Yeah? You’re the strongest in the universe, silly. What’s up with you?” Gojou just chuckles and ruffles your head.

“Nothing, nothing. Just making sure you know.” He slings his arm around your shoulder, the intensity gone and the light spring in his step back. “Who else do you think is strong?”

Next chapter →

[strongsassysexysloane]

I Should Hate You - Fin

This story just poured out of me. So here’s the ending and thank you to all the favourites and reblogs and comments. It means the world to me. 

And to @regal-roni​ your pep talk worked :)

Now enjoy the emotional wreck that is this story. 

. . . . .

You welcomed the pounding headache the following morning, it drowned out enough of the pain in your heart that you managed to get on with part of your day without thinking too much about the night before. At least that what you lied to yourself about. The washing machine got a work out over the weekend. First it was your bed sheets, you added an extra heap of washing powder just to make sure the smell of her was gone. You didn't want to think too hard about how Jack had gone from Jacqueline to her in twenty four hours but it had happened.  

The rest of the weekend was spent sulking around your apartment. Cleaning surfaces that she'd touched because you were that pathetic and emotionally raw. Then you drowned your sorrows again to find the bottom of what use to be half a bottle of vodka and a bottle of wine. Needless to say, your Sunday headache was ten times worse than Saturdays one. Sunday was spent keeping yourself busy by cooking. Cooking meals for the week and baking enough cookies to feed the entire apartment block but you had them for yourself. You were kind to your head Sunday night playing the school night card was best for you right now. No one needed to know the hell that was this weekend. You groaned out loud when you realised Nick and Ellie would no doubt have questions. You were fine, the night went well. You had fun, until it wasn’t. You'd twist it somehow and hopefully Gibbs would enter with a "Grab your gear." You didn't want to think at how bad that sounded. Wishing for a murder over talking about your weekend.  

When you got up Monday morning it was like a light had been flicked on. You actually felt good, rested and somewhat normal again. Maybe drowning your feelings in alcohol wasn't the best thing to do. You shook off that thought and got ready for the day. A power suit was the go for a Monday. Nicely tailored to your shape with a light blue, loose, blouse under your black tailored suit jacket. You always felt more confident and powerful wearing this and today this was needed. 

"Hi Brooke." You smiled at the barista behind the coffee machine through the window as you pulled up to the drive through coffee shop on the way to work.  

"Good morning, y/n. Loving the suit. The usual?" She smiled down at you from her spot high in the window.  

"Why thank you and yes please. An extra shot thanks." That was very needed. As much as you were trying your best to ignore the nagging feelings creeping in. 

"One Americana with an extra shot with a dash of cream and an Americana with sugar, sugar and more sugar." She smiled but stopped when she looked down at your face to just reconfirm the order. One could never be sure as a barista. People liked to change their 'usual' all the time.  

"Actually.." You thought about it for a second too long and saw the concern in Brooke's face. "Never mind. Yes, two Americana's thanks." You had forgotten with all the feelings getting pushed really far down that Monday's you usually picked up a coffee for you and Jack because she loved the coffee here. That and it gave you an easy excuse to go visit her first thing. It used to be a great way to start your week but now it sounded like the worst idea ever. You could just have both?

"Coming right up." Waiting patiently while she made your coffee's, the smell was amazing and was already giving you a lift. Her assistant for the morning came over to take your payment while you waited and kept up basic conversation with Brooke.

"Thanks. Hope you have an easy shift." She scoffed at your comment which only made you smile. Monday mornings must've been a bitch for a barista. Everyone needed their coffee and usually no one was nice before they had their coffee in their hands. That bewildered you because you don't bite the hand that feeds you or hands you the liquid you need to make your Monday that less painful. In this case it was the cause of your agony.  

The team would notice if you didn't go drop off the coffee to Jack so maybe it was smarter to go and drop the coffee at her office. It could be quick. In and out and done. Yeah, it would be easy. You didn't believe that for a second.  

The knock you made on Jack's door wasn’t as confident as you hoped it would be. You just wanted to tuck tail and run, maybe drop the coffee in the trash on your way back to the bullpen but her answer came too quickly that you couldn't not walk in. She'd no doubt know it was you. You'd have the guilt written all over your face for the rest of the day and she always saw right through you.  

"Come in." Jack was smiling and it faltered once you entered. She wasn't expecting to see you at all today, actually she'd made a plan that would involve avoiding you all day and hopefully tomorrow as well. This was the last thing she expected, the usual, coffee and a smile on your face. Like nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Well it had for her; she couldn't see it had for you.  

"Got your Monday coffee." You had the smile painted so well on your lips, it even looked like Jack believed it and you couldn't believe it yourself. Maybe it was all the pep talk you'd given yourself on the drive over that had finally worked.  

"Th-thank you." Her words betrayed her, she cursed herself but the faulter in her words let your walls crumble a little and she hated it but she was glad to see you were dealing with this as badly as she was. "You didn't have to."  

"Been doing it for weeks now. Thought it wouldn't be fair if I deprived you of your favourite brew on a Monday morning." It wasn't a full lie. You just didn't want to deal with Brooke's questions about why it was so hard to make up your mind about a coffee order and now you were glad you'd brought it up to Jack. Being in her presence again somehow felt right. But that wasn't right. This wasn't right.  

"Thank you, how was your week- sorry it just slipped out. Thank you for the brew." She clung to her coffee like it was a lifeline and at this point it definitely was.  For both of you.

You shifted back on your heels; you knew these was where you left but your legs weren't moving. Something needed to be said and this time she couldn't run. "Jack I-"  

"Can we just be friends?" She blurted it out, she was good with that lately. Apparently, she couldn't run out the door physically but she mentally could. Those words were something you didn't want to hear and it looked like she didn't either but it was said. It seemed like the only option at this point.  

The coffee had a nice burn to it when it slid down your throat while you could compose your words. Think of a somewhat coherent answer. You didn't want to lose Jack, not as a friend. She was too precious and such an incredible person. It may hurt to look at her now, knowing what she looked like under that dress but you looked her in the eyes and cleared your throat.  

"If that's what you want." It wasn't until the words crossed your lips that you realised how close it was to the words uttered minutes after you'd fucked each other the other night. Because that what had happened right? You hadn't made love, it was a one night stand. She made that blatantly obvious when she ran out of your apartment half dressed.

The words hit Jack like arrows destined to kill her but she expected that's exactly how you'd felt when she ran out and she wasn't wrong. She nodded and took a sip of her coffee. It was good coffee. "Great. Well thank you for the coffee but I've got the rest of those evals for Leon to complete before lunch."  

"Right yes, enjoy." You even cringed at how flat and not genuine you sounded but you couldn't stand in her office anymore. It was surrounded by too many great moments you'd spent in here while working or doing really nothing at all.

Jack watched you leave and wondered if that's how she looked running the other night. At least you were fully clothed and not pathetically running away from your feelings.  

You wanted to hate her; you should hate her but the rest of the day you couldn't stop thinking about how stupidly you loved her. Even after how miserable she made you feel all weekend. One look at her and you loved and hated her. Hated how she made you feel. Like she could solve all your problems but she had created them in the first place.  

The next two weeks were difficult to say the least. You both tried so hard to be friends again but Ellie noticed almost straight away, she didn't press seeing you weren't ready to talk about it. Nick surprisingly skirted around the jokes, probably from the intense glares Ellie and Tim were sending every time Jack leaved and he opened his mouth.  

You'd caught a case and you couldn't be happier to have the distraction. Thankfully it was just a robbery of military funding so you didn't have to feel guilty about someone dying to be your distraction. It was a slow case, painfully slow. So many paper trails and interviews that only lead in different directions. Finally, the idiot slipped up, transferring it into several different bank accounts that McGee and Kasie managed to track and get the guy.  

By the second week you and Jack had managed to lift half the tension in the air whenever you were both in the same room. Even joked together again. However, the feelings came flooding back when she touched your shoulder, it was a simple touch, friendly, innocent but she retracted immediately and you saw the concern in Ellie's eyes. You excused yourself to the break room in search of a snack. That's when your phone dinged. You'd set your dating profile back up the other night on one of your old dating apps and you'd been messaging with a woman a few times over the past day or so. She seemed nice, worked in admin in some office in the city. You didn't pay much attention to it like you knew you should but she seemed simple, fun even and you needed that right now.  

She'd hinted last night that she would love to catch up for a drink when you were done with your current case and now, she was following up. You hadn't answered her question. Just went on with the other points in the conversation. You smiled down at your phone and ignored the looks as you walked back into the bullpen and sat down at your desk. You thought what the hell and agreed to meet up for drinks this weekend. Joked that if your job didn't get in the way of destiny that you'd make it.  

"Who's the lucky girl?" Nick piped up and glared back at Ellie when she shot him a warning stare.  

Jack looked between Nick and you. She saw the smile, cute small twitch to your lips and wanted to leave but she needed to know the answer to Nick's question. Needed to know like it was the only oxygen left on this planet. Not to be dramatic at all.  

Your eyes train in on Nick and not the beautiful blonde staring at you. "Just a woman I'm meeting up with on Friday."  

"Oh? You back on that dating app again?" You almost wanted to punch Nick for continuing this conversation with Jack being right there. You didn't want to hurt her. You almost laughed at that thought. The whole reason you'd signed back up to this site was because of her. You'd given up on ever being back to where you and Jack were. Where ever that actually was.  

"Yep, seemed like a good idea. So we'll see." You shrug, hoping for him to drop it. You looked at Ellie who gave you a sympathetic smile and then looked up at Jack who was now glaring at the Plasma like it was the most interesting thing in the room. You saw her eye twitch and knew; you just knew that hearing you being back on a dating app had to hurt on some level. So be it. She couldn't tell you how she really felt then this was how it was now.  

Thankfully the rest of the week was only filled with paper work. It had Nick grumbling beyond belief, Gibbs had stormed out many times because Nick was being an extra pain in the ass. Ellie had snapped at him a few times and by Friday night even McGee was running for the elevator to get away from him. You loved the guy like a brother but he really did get under your skin. You had been looking into a cold case all day that time had been lost on you and it wasn't until McGee was running out that you noticed the time.  

"Shit!" You jumped up, turning off your computer.  

"Thought you have a date." Gibbs mumbled from his desk, he'd been typing away at something for the past few hours.  

"I do. Was too busy with this cold case that I didn't realise the time. Thank God Nick scared McGee off or I wouldn't have noticed the time."  

"Hey!" Nick whined and you just rolled your eyes. Gibbs actually smirked this time but it faded quickly. It had been a long week.  

"Go." He made a shoeing motion with his hand and you laughed at it.  

"Going!" Luckily you knew better than to have to rush home and get changed, the bar was closer to work anyways so you brought your outfit in with you to work this morning. Ellie and you had enjoyed gushing over it this morning. Apparently, a simple short black dress was still a winner in Ellie's book. There was nothing special about it, it hugged you in all the right places, the straps weren't thin but they weren't thick either. The scoop of the neck rested nicely above your breasts, not giving too much away and the cut sat at your mid-thigh.  

You slipped into the dress in the toilets at work and you were almost done applying your make up when the last person you wanted to see right now had to walk in. It was past 1800 on a Friday night, why was she still in the office? You hid your annoyance but Jack turned sharply as soon as she saw you and went to run out. Not again.  

"Jack, you can use the toilets." You mentally rolled your eyes as she stopped and turned back to face you.  

"Right. You have a date tonight, right?" She shut the door and leant back on it. She hated the way her eyes couldn't look at you and the need to pee was building but she couldn't make the move to walk closer to you.  

"That a problem?" The words just slipped out, like someone had yanked them from your head and immediately needed them into the universe. No thought about if you should even question it. You'd managed to get back to a semiprofessional and friendly atmosphere. This had the potential to ruin it once more. "You made it clear the other night and then again Monday morning that you didn't want me. So I'm not sure why me potentially dating someone has you all flustered." Again, with the words coming out before you could think them through. Your emotions were taking hold and all the feelings you'd buried deep from that horrible weekend ago were shooting to the surface.  

"That's not what I said."  

"No, you said us being together was a mistake."

"I said our one night stand was a mistake."

"I never said anything about it being a one night stand. We never even got the chance to talk about it. You just ran, Jack."

"You didn't stop me."  

"Because you'd just stabbed me in the heart right after we made l-  my head was pounding from the amount of alcohol we consumed at the bar. I couldn't move even if that's all I wanted to do!" You almost shout, letting all the pent up frustration from the past two weeks out.  

"I dont want to fall in love with you." She shouts at you, you can see tears forming in her eyes but the words that had just shot out of her mouth had you struck. She always seemed to knock you slightly off kilter, always saying the last thing you were expecting.  

"No one asked you to." The words were meant to be yelled back at her but they came out as a strangled whisper. You turn around and place your hands on the counter for stability. You'd have to redo all your make up after this because there were tears streaming down your face. This conversation had just ruined whatever was left of your friendship with Jacqueline Sloane but emotions were out there now and there wasn't anything you could do to rein it back in. Your head was dropped, eyes locked onto the drain in the sink because you couldn't look at Jack anymore. You probably couldn't look at her ever again.  

"But I am." She sniffed and you couldn't look at her, you thought you heard something come out of her lips again but it wasn't yelled like she had a moment ago. This time is was barely a whisper.  

Your legs were starting to crumble under your emotions and you didn't know how much longer you could stand here. You were meant to be going out on a date with a woman you'd chatted to online for the past week. She seemed fun and not confusing like the woman behind you. You just wanted fun. Fun like at the bar the other night. It was filled with laughter and soft touches. It was a perfect night, followed by complicated, messy and fucked up.  

"I'm falling in love with you y/n." The words were stronger, she couldn't bear watching you crumble in front of her anymore. Her words and actions had defeated you like she'd never seen you before. That's when she realised her ignoring her feelings was doing more damage than all the walls and rules she'd built up around her heart. She took the leap and walked towards you, touching your lower back as gently as she had done at the bar.  

There was that electric shock again. Your whole body jolted under her touch. "Don't." You whisper, still looking down into the drain, watching as your tears fall, drip down the black hole.  

"If you don't want to be with me, I understand. I'm a mess and I'll probably hurt you but I am falling in love with you. I can't get you off my mind. Ever since you mentioned you had a date I couldn't stop wishing that it was with me."  

Her hand clung to your side, she hadn't dropped her touch at your words and you hated and loved her for it. Love her? Did you? Could you? Her words had been hurting you all week and she'd brought you almost to your knees tonight with them again but now she was stitching your heart up with every letter she spoke. Her fingers ghosted along your cheek, they curled under your chin and brought your eyes up to meet hers. You saw how red and puffy your face was in the mirror when you turned your head with her touch.  

She continued when she could see you weren't going to advert your gaze, to make you believe her words now more than the hurtful ones she's said before. "That if I'd just stayed and not got so in my head the other night that it could've been me making you smile at your phone and hope for the weekend to come. For your smile to light up my day and not some random woman's. I want that. I want you." Jack tried so hard to read what you were thinking through your tear stained eyes but she couldn't be sure if those new tears were because of the hurt she had caused you or the new found declaration of love. She took the chance, another big one, and leaned forward closing the small emotion filled space she'd caused and ghosted her lips over yours.  

If she'd glued you to the spot by her words earlier, now you were even more terrified of the sudden change in direction. Was this real? Was she kissing you? No, she wasn't kissing you because you were so shocked and frozen when her lips ghosted over yours, she began to pull away. You stopped her movements and hesitation with your hand coming up to her waist, holding her in place. That was all you could physically do right now. So many things were swimming around in your head, she'd wrecked you. She'd wrecked you long ago but after the bar she'd torn you right down.  

"Are you sure?" Your eyes were stuck on her lips, her tongue coming out to wet them and you held in a groan. The memory of a date at the very back of your mind right now. The woman in front of you had your full attention and you wanted to feel bad about your date and the woman you'd been messaging but you couldnt. You'd send her an apologetic message once Jack had made a decision because either way you couldn’t go on a date after this.

Jack had had your heart and your body since day one. With a new found determination, you pulled her in by the waist, she stumbled slightly, her hand that was under your chin now whipped around to the counter behind you to find her balance again. Her lips brushed against yours and your mouth opened just enough to slip her lips perfectly with yours. Her other hand came up to thread her fingers through your hair, deepening the kiss, letting the emotions swallow you both.  

She pulled back too soon, your world spinning. You dont think it would ever stop when she had you in her arms. You prayed it never would. "Jack?" As much as that kiss was the answer, you needed her to say it, for her eyes to mean it.  

"No words can fully describe all the feelings I have for you." Her eyes devoured you again. Her emotions filling her and showing you exactly how she felt. Jack smiled, her mischievous, confidence seeping back in. Like hearing herself admit it was all she needed to know that it was going to be alright. That those walls she had built and kept you at a distance for so long weren't worth it. "But I'll try to show you from now on." She captured your lips again, drew the kiss out, emotionally raw and taking you on a journey of how she felt. You gripped at her waist, pulling her in and you'd never let her go. No matter how far she ran.  

. . . . . End . . . . . 

*runs away*

[spoopybruh]

Taking Risks

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series) Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej Characters: Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej

Summary: Events were predictable, people are not. That’s why Shane’s fears usually center around the ever changing nature of others. The what ifs. Non-constants. He’s taken precautions in establishing a tolerance of sorts towards such kerfuffle but there will always be times he has to risk it for the biscuit. He takes a chance on one Ryan Bergara. 

They were in the middle of a long drive home when Shane decides to break the comfortable silence.

“So,” His tone is light despite the severity of his admission, hand gliding against the curve of the steering wheel to steady his stream of thoughts. He sees his companion lift his attention off the screen of his phone and stop tapping on what undoubtedly was another list of haunted locations they could get visiting permissions for. “I may or may not feel things differently than most people do.”

That understandably evokes an unimpressed sound from Ryan and a brief crinkling of his nose before he replies. “Yeah no shit, Sherlock. You were the one who laughed at public executions.”

“I didn’t laugh at the public executions, Ryan. They get breakfast at execution events! It’s like going to Disneyland and getting a little restaurant seat so they can watch a parade.” Even thinking about it draws chuckles from him. “How can people not find that hilarious?” Morbid for sure. But there’s still something funny about the whole juxtaposition of how things went back then. It’s easy to just drop the subject. To let the natural flow of their bantering continue in a way that leaves the insides of his chest light with contentment. And for a few moments, he’s tempted to do just so. Yet if he does, he’ll probably never speak of this again. “No. I mean…I don’t feel things when I should be.”

“What? Like being afraid of reasonable shit instead of someone randomly running up to you and injecting you with heroin?”

“Hey! It could happen! That’s a reasonable fear.” The tight band of anticipation eases with each chuckle that’s forced out of him. Shane turns a corner. Regroups. “No, it’s not that. I meant stuff like empathy.”

He feels, more than sees, Ryan’s eyebrows rise several notches. It’s three tense heartbeats later that his companion’s furiously racing mind finally finds enough coherence to spit a reply back at Shane.

“So…you’re saying that you’re someone who doesn’t…care about anyone or anything? Sorry I know this sounds bad and I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything but what are you getting at here?” Shane could see the grimace on Ryan’s face the moment he vocalises his words and he takes comfort in the fact that this is as equally awkward for him as it is for Shane. At the very least, Ryan’s not acting all freaked out. That would have been hurtful.

The lankier of the duo takes another deep breath to brace himself. “Well it’s not like I don’t feel anything.It’s just….harder. I don’t care about most things, especially if they don’t pertain to people in my own social circle and stuff like that. I just care about some things.” His gaze darts with purpose to rest on his companion for a few brief seconds before he turns his attention to the road again. “Some people. And I pretend to care about other things to be, you know, polite.”

That draws an ‘Oh’ out of Ryan. And if Shane looks just a little bit harder to see his expression under the dim lighting of the setting sun, he swears he could make out a ruddier colour staining the cheeks of his friend. But that’s something to read into for the future. Hopefully. It’s curious how it’s easier now once he forced his way through. Not the finding the right words part. Just the being able to continue part. Then again, that’s his problem. Finding the right words to things. “The thing I have. Makes it harder for me to find the right words to say or find the right things to do. Because I don’t process things the way other people do. I don’t feel shit the same way, I guess. Like- Like say maybe an animal died or something like that. I know that it’s probably a heartbreaking thing to people because they, you know, react in a certain way. And I try to uh. It’s like shitting for the bit. I take it as a cue and just kind of lay it out there, follow their example and carry it through. Without necessarily feeling the same emotion. Do I want the animal to die? No. I’m just not bummed out over it. But not everything’s as clear cut as that so it’s difficult for me to know how I’m supposed to react.”

Ryan’s inhale is sharp but Shane doesn’t turn to look at him. He has no way of anticipating the expression on his face and maybe that’s better that way. When Ryan speaks, it’s with a quiet wonder. As if everything somehow made sense now. “You do that. You take a while to come up with shit to say sometimes, I’ve seen your face when you try to phrase things carefully.

For the first time since the entire conversation, it’s Shane’s turn to be surprised. “I make faces for that? Is it obvious that I’m doing it?”

“No no!” He’s somewhat mollified at Ryan’s scrambling to assure him. “It’s not obvious. Only when it’s this close.” A hand bumps against his shoulder lightly when Ryan gestured to their proximity. “Only when people squint really hard and you know, I’ve had to look at your ugly face for far too often.”

A good to honest laugh slips from Shane at the good-natured ribbing. “You like my ugly face. You said faces like mine are attractive with the whole Cumberbatch story.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve got a strange face.” They both fell silent yet again. Three bus stops were driven past before Ryan pipes up once more with another question. “So do you…do you think it’s some kind of uh.” Shane catches him gesticulating out of his peripheral vision. “Do you think it’s some kind of mental thing? Are you..god why is this is so difficult- are you, are you a sociopath or something? Does that make you one?”

His struggling has Shane snorting with amusement. Ryan’s struggling almost always does. This time round, he takes mercy on the both of them and decides to cooperate.

“That’s not the right term and too media cliche-y but I suppose it puts me somewhere on the spectrum. We’re not sure yet. My therapist and I- we’re figuring it out.”

Ryan seems to think that as a satisfactory answer because he nods and settled down once again, though Shane doesn’t have to be a mind reader to feel the cogs in his brain practically working on overtime to process the information he’d been given. “I don’t know what to say to that, man. That’s some heavy stuff. Uh…Thank you? For telling me that. You didn’t have to say it and all but I guess, thanks.”

“Wait, just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that. What else am I supposed to say? It’s strange to me, obviously. But you’ve always been strange. You made the whole stupid Hot dog thing for god’s sake. So this is odd but I’m not gonna judge you for it anymore than I judge your hot daga story. Unless you start killing people and shit. Which you’re not, are you?” The joke’s a morbid one and Ryan’s squinting his eyes at him for comical effect. It shouldn’t make him snort but it does. Shane rolled his eyes briefly at him in return.

“No, of course not. I mean I’ve thought about it. But who honestly can’t say they’ve never thought about running people over when they cut you off in traffic. Besides, you’ve threatened to kill me multiple times. Just because I’ve thought about it doesn’t mean I wanna do it. Everyone’s capable of doing stuff like that, with or without being on the spectrum.”

“Not a particularly comforting thought to mention when you’re currently the one driving but right, that’s fair.” They broke off into bouts of snickering again. Though the next question Ryan asked hits a little too close to home. “So. Have you uh…Have you hurt anyone because of this? Unintentionally or not.” The latter part is hastily added.

"Wow loaded question there.” His fingers twitched briefly. Shane releases a heavy breath. “No? At least not that I know of. Sometimes I don’t realise- wait fuck.” Frustration mars his features. It’d be easy to get away with it if he expressed that he isn’t aware he’d hurt people because he doesn’t mean to. It’d be easy to paint himself in a better light. A more acceptable one. It’d be easier if he pretended to feel some modicum of regret. But that would also defeat the entire purpose of this whole talk he started. This is Ryan. He’s not going to use that sort of information against him- he has no definite proof anyways. Ryan’s better than that. Better in ways Shane sometimes wishes he could emulate. He’s not the type of person to be an asshole like that.

“Sorry I’m….embellishing. Let me try again.” Another deep breath. He forces himself to relax his grip on the steering wheel. Since when did he tense up? “I have. Sometimes it’s unintentional. Sometimes…I have this impulse, you see? I don’t mean for it to be there but it just is. I have this impulse to do or say things just to see how people would react to them. Just to see how far I can push them before they…respond. Not because I want to hurt them, it’s just…I wanted to know what they’re like. How they think. How they feel. How they respond to things. I was curious.” His lips twisted into a grimace. “That impulse makes me inconsiderate sometimes and I’m working on it. I’ve been working on it for years.”

It’s just like what he does. Shutting Ryan in spooky places for longer on purpose. Pretending to sleep so he could watch him get gradually more and more frightened during the rare occasions they’d stay for a sleepover at whatever haunted location. Rationalise away everything when he gets too scared and persisting until he gets annoyed but never too much. He just wants to know, wants to see how far he can push the boundary without having Ryan experience a nervous breakdown. That’s just…how he is.

“I’m generally good at controlling that impulse. And doing our show…helps in a weird way.” Because he could give in to that impulse within limits instead of suppressing it. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t do things on purpose from time to time but….I don’t want to. Not with you. I’ll mess up once in a while though.”

That’s truthfully the only thing Shane could give as an answer. “I’m not saying that you’ve got to feel like you need to accept that or something. I’m just..it’s just gonna happen. Especially when I feel like I’m in trouble or someone does something exceptionally shitty.” He feels hollowed out for some reason. A kind of exhaustion that sinks into even his bones. Ryan doesn’t have to ask him but Shane knows that he’s probably wondering why. Why now? Why tell him?

“I just wanted to let you know.” That impulse. Again, that impulse. But he’s not lying when he said he wanted Ryan to know. “If there was anyone I wanted to know about this, besides my family and therapist, it’d be you.”

Now he’s done it. Thrown everything right there out in the open. Kicked the door off it’s hinges and yelled at spooky bois that are even spookier than the non-existent spooky bois they’re searching for. The ball is now in Ryan’s court.

As it turns out, he doesn’t have long to wait.“Yeah because I’m the only one who can handle your shit and dish it back to you. I’d be old and greying and I’d still kick your ass when you’re being a dick.” He feels the heat of Ryan’s palm before it descended against his shoulder in a slap. Except it stays there for a moment longer, closing in a firm squeeze.

The breathe caught in his throat eases in shaky sputters.

“Alright, so after we’ve gotten this ‘moment’ out of the way and we’ve established that I’ll still kick your ass regardless, can we at least stop by for food? I swear if I have to sit another hour longer waiting for this stupid traffic to hurry up, I’m going to lose my shit.”

Another snort of amusement escaped Shane. Typical Ryan. Quick to irritate and and straightforward, but also refreshingly capable of wading through everything in stride even if it’s out of his depth. This…this is okay. This is better than okay.

“Yeah I can do that.”

A pause.

“Sour Puss Bergara.”

“Shut up, Shane.”

Additional Note: This is a coping fic I’ve written to get some closure for myself and I’d like to thank the writers who placed in genuine effort to thoughtfully write about Shane with AS/PD. I personally am someone who’s on the spectrum and that’s not something I would ever be able to share with anyone in my own social circle. This is as close I’ll ever be able to get to acceptance. Now for the sake of accuracy and to avoid taking too much liberties, I’ll say that in this story, Shane’s on the spectrum like myself instead.

[chesireh]

¿Cómo te sentirías si fuera verdad?

Sirius Black x Reader

Words: 1900

A/N: Hope you like it

...

Curled up in a corner of the room, settled beside the big brown door of the bedroom, Sirius laid his sorry ass on the floor, with a childish pout plastered on the usual cocky expression of his face.

“Who was it again?” James asked, awkwardly slapping the back of his depressed mate in a somewhat supporting way.

“Judging by how easily she played him off, a possible Ravenclaw.” Answered Lupin, who didn’t even raise his eyes from the text of his assignment to take a good look at his whining friend. Sirius always talked about different girls so it wasn’t anything new for him. More than sad he felt quite annoyed by the insistence of the Black dog of mentioning his every night escapades. Remus couldn’t comprehend how, him being a womanizer would help you realize you had to fall for Sirius. But Padfoot had his own logic so he never said a thing. (Besides, the werewolf wasn’t appealed by the idea of you dating anyone. Like. Under no circumstances.)

“Too smart for him.” You snorted when Prongs muttered in not an accurate low voice.

“Her name was Felicia, Markandovichts! She was the one!” Spat the raven haired, dashing male, while scowling at Potter. You bit your lip, containing an exasperated groan.

“Markandovichts is a name?” Peter questioned in confusion, not sure why some Beauxbatons girl would be at Hogsmeade during winter.

“He probably doesn’t remember her name and it´s just babbling.” Bitterly, a tired voice echoed in the room, making you grin. Remus always got grumpy when some girl he didn’t actually knew –and wasn’t even in the room- disturbed his study sessions.

“She had the best legs I had ever seen.” Padfoot continued, sighing in excitement, hopefully remembering the beautiful silky skin of the dark haired woman he met about six hours ago. You wanted to throw up by the mere thought of him slipping his dirty hands inside the skirt of the “sexiest” woman in the world.

Remus knew you were getting jealous but he didn’t stop Black from talking obscenities.

“That’s just sad, man.” You finally said and a glint of brightness appeared on the lazy dark eyes of the immature young boy you were in love with.

“Leave me alone, woman. You haven’t dated a soul, since first year. And it was James.” Sirius whispered, absentmindedly licking his lips. Grey gaze locked with yours in a mischievous way, till you got uncomfortable and looked away. (Like not in the bad way, in the “I want to kiss you, you hottie” way of uncomfortable.)

“H-Hey!” Lacking of coherent thoughts, you opted to whine at him with a childish pout, instead of confessing how deeply in love you were.

“So rude, I was actually the best boyfriend in the world. We dated for more than a week. Wormtail! Tell them!” Prongs screamed in a high pitched voice, but all that Peter could do was smile, because every single time Potter made something ridiculous, he felt that he somehow could fit in with the marauders.

“And then, our woman decided she preferred spending her time at the astronomy tower, alone, than with a dashing little me.” He choked out dramatically.

“Thankfully, Evans saved her from your insistence.” Moony teased, sighing with false relief. He pushed Prongs away, making him forcefully stand up at Peter´s right side.

“Talking seriously, we could´ve married.”

“James, we´re still students, think before opening your foolish mouth.”

“Yes mam.” Prongs said with enthusiasm, suddenly feeling full of energy.

“That would have been hell. Marrying this not so lovely bird.”

“I will marry Remus at some point, I can feel it. I´m awesome and he knows it.” Lupin cracked a hysterical laugh while an arrogant grin spread on the corners of your mouth.

“Talking seriously.” Sirius paused, a sly smirk forming on his handsome face. The stern tone of his voice caught you off guard, nevertheless you laughed a little at the “siriusness”. “No pun intended.” He assured but kept his lips upwards. “It’s kind of true, Moony, you´re all bookish and that shit that she obviously likes. I see you both like soulmates or something.” Padfoot half joked, pronouncing –soulmates- bitterly. For him, the mere word revolving around the bird he fancied and one of his best mates seemed repulsive. “But you can’t have her.” He finished firmly, glancing between both of you –at the distance of your almost touching shoulder-.

“Come on, Pads, if you don’t let her marry Moony, she´ll end up with a Longbottom. Or worse! A Lovegood!” James awkwardly screamed, making Remus grimace by the loudness of it.

“She can marry me if it gets to that atrocious point.” You sighed in exasperation.

“But that would be horrible, Sirius.” He gaped at you, what made you realize the sentence didn’t come out the way you expected it to be. “Not that you aren’t…dashing and the type of gentleman that every woman wants, however, you spend so much time with your other lovely birds that the mere thought of marrying you…would be sickening.”

“S-Sickening?!” Padfoot blurted out, Remus tried to stay away of the conversation on the other two marauders in the room, watched the situation with pure amusement.

“Girls like fidelity, loyalty and other things, Sirius.” Remus snorted when your words hurt Black´s pride.

“I’m a dog! How much more fidelity and loyalty do you need?!” He retorted loudly, making James burst in laughs. “Hey! That doesn’t help at all, Prongs.” Sirius dryly chuckled, in a mix of amusement and confusion.

“To be fair, when he dated the gorgeous Ravenclaw, he didn’t cheat and stood by her side for six months without watching skirts.” Peter interrupted with a soft voice, earning a swat on the arm.

“That’s because the entire year, he was sulking because the future Lovegood was crushing on a redhead.”

“Why would he sulk because of it?” You questioned with a crease appearing slightly in your forehead. It’s true he avoided spending too much time with you during fourth grade, but you thought it was because he wanted to give all the afternoon to his girlfriend, Angeline and not because he didn’t want to hear you talking about the cute Hufflepuff.

Sirius went pale and seemed about to kneel in front of James and beg to him to stay quiet, or have some intelligence inside his tiny brain and tell a good lie. (A thing that the boy with glasses didn’t notice at all.)

“Because he fancies you.” The tension that choked everyone during more than five seconds got James confused, so he decided to raise a questioning eyebrow to Moony’s direction.  

“Prongs! For Merlin´s beard don’t give that childish pout! Why can’t you keep your mouth shut?!”

“Wait, she didn’t know? About half of Hogwarts knows by now!” Prongs retorted with a shocked expression clouding his natural mischievousness. “I mean, witch, are you blind?!” He tried to cease his guilt yelling at you with burning red cheeks. James was so flustered that he rivaled your expression.

“H-Half of, of-” Sirius tried to reach for your forearm while you walked backwards with your eyes open wide and your face as red as Lily´s hair, however, he didn’t catch you on time to stop you from getting out of the Marauders´ bedroom.

…

You weren’t running away because you didn’t have any interest in having a relationship with him, you just felt overwhelmed by that type of information, by the fact that probably that was why Marlene –the girl who used to love Sirius during second till fourth grade- stopped talking to you, and by the paralyzing realization that he felt deeply for you since fourth grade and you didn’t notice at all. How couldn’t you notice?

“But…But.” He talked about girl every single day! You got a hold of yourself, breathing in and out and stopping in the middle of the hallway.

“Y/n!” A breathless scream made you jump, and you turned on your toes to see the same womanizer that “fancied” you, crossing his arms and trying to have his face looking upwards to your face, but only managing to observe in the direction of your right shoulder.

So, it was…true?

“Sirius, is what, what Prongs said true?” He nodded simply, suddenly seeming braver than ever. With his chest puffed out while he held his breathe and the usual smirk trying to stay long enough to make you know he wasn’t backing away from anything. (Just like every Gryffindor would do.)

“It’s true. Since third grade, when you slapped me accidently when I said a foolish statement about a beautiful Slytherin girl. I had an understandable yet childish hatred towards every wizard in that irking house…I still hate Severus but that’s not the point…why are you looking at me like that?”

“You started liking me because I slapped you?!” You choked out, wanting to slap him again and get him to understand himself.

“No!” Sirius exclaimed with a frown, letting his pride drive his negation before passing a trembling hand through his shaggy hair. He sighed. “Well, kind of, nevertheless I believe it was because you stood by me with that puppy gaze of yours when you recognized that kicking my arse wasn’t going to do any good. I suppose I got used to your presence...since you followed me around for almost a week till I apologized for my harsh words.” The bloke in front of you explained uneasily, getting less sure about the words that were exiting his mouth. “You made me a better version of myself.”

“You had always being pretty awesome and kind, Sirius. I think you just grew up.” You retorted with a soft smile, you haven’t been expecting him to be the romantic kind of lad.

“I´m just saying that somehow I got myself more conscious about the people around myself…thanks to you.” Sirius managed to say, with a faint blush appearing solemnly on his strong and elegant features. “So…So give this pretty awesome and kind Black, an opportunity…”

“Hum…” You frowned before gazing at him. He looked exasperated, almost angry, however it was obvious he was just anxious about what could your response be. Sirius was about to acknowledge you were not going to answer anything, still he waited, with his dark lock of messy hair falling a bit into his eyes, in that gorgeous and dark way that only him could manage without looking like a fool. And suddenly, before thinking straight, you nodded. “Yeah.” You muttered silently, making his grey eyes brighter. “It would be great, Sirius.” Just with that, he started speaking louder than ever and absentmindedly circling around you in a childish way.

“Hogsmade next weekend, I will buy you a lot of sweet and if you want to we can even spend all the evening in the bookstore!” He continued, awkwardly patting your shoulder instead of giving you a hug. Sirius wanted you to be comfortable and suddenly jumping to you, wasn’t going to help. “I will go for you to the girls dormitory if it is necessary.” With that statement he grabbed your hand and pulled you a little closer to his side.

“Now lets get back to the others, the marauders map is waiting for us, love!” Sirius said excitedly, dragging you around by the hand, with your warm fingers interlaced with his.