#hopefully her problems are as treatable as his

[roboticutie]

My ferrets are seniors now and are slowly getting Old Ferret Diseases :(

[prisonhannibal]

Families in Gaza are starving because of Israel blocking resources from entering. The consequences of childhood starvation are severe and deadly, both immediately and long term. Malnutrition weakens your immune system and leaves you more vulnerable to infectious diseases, and makes it harder for your body to fight the illness, so the chance of severe illness from common illnesses is higher. Even completely treatable illnesses can kill you when you’re starving and don’t have access to medical care. This combined with lack of clean and safe drinking water is extremely dangerous, especially for the children. Malnutrition stunts your growth, affects your development and heightens risk of serious health problems for the rest of your life. Being underweight and suffering from malnutrition makes you cold more easily, and more vulnerable to hypothermia.

Can you imagine as a parent having to witness your child suffering like this? Fearing for your children’s lives from what would usually be a relatively minor illness? Hearing them cry from hunger because the occupation is starving them? This is every parents worst nightmare, but for Ahed this is reality.

Ahed has three beautiful young daughters under 10 years old. 9 year old Fatima “the closest to (Ahed’s) heart and my little one”, 6 year old Iman “the friendly, kind, and loving child who is loved by everyone” and little Nour, who is only one year old and has barely got to experience peace in her short life.

He campaigns every day to get attention for his campaign to feed them and keep them warm and hopefully evacuate when the border opens. We have the power to help Ahed and his little children survive this. Food prices in Gaza are extremely high and it’s difficult to even get water. Ahed and his family do not have adequate shelter from the cold. Donations can help him buy food and clothing and blankets for his children to keep them warm in the winter They’re already suffering so much from the sounds of bombs and repeated displacements, starvation and infectious diseases is another cruel consequence of the occupations genocide in Gaza.

I know he is scared and exhausted from asking for help for this, but he keeps going because his children are his whole world, and like any parent he would do anything to save them. This is his hope. I believe it’s our job, as the people who support and care about palestinians lives, to make sure the people who reach out for help know that the world hasn’t forgotten them. Please show Ahed that the compassionate people of the world will help him

they only have €7,153 raised out of the 40,000 goal. Anything you send will help a lot ❤️

DONATE HERE + VETTING (#229 on the spreadsheet)

@vampiricvenus @appsa @heritageposts @nabulsi @dirhwangdaseul @tamamita @butchniqabi @autisticmudkip @finalgirlabigailhobbs @sawasawako @khanger @neechees @loumandivorce @cuntylouis @jdon @dlxxv-vetted-donations @beserkerjewel @handweavers @socalgal @anneemay @pikslasrce @deepspaceboytoy

[icasttourniquet]

Can Your Character Survive... Altered Mental Status

Character E is confused. She thinks she's talking to someone besides Character F and accidentally admits that she has a crush on F while F is treating her injury. Oops.

Or, F is trying to get E out of the enemy base and E keeps laughing when F shushes her, attracting the attention of the guards

Whether for comedy or tension, altered mental status can add a fun wrinkle to your plot. But, what causes altered mental status and how do you make sure E survives?

STOPEATS

The big kahuna of the altered mental status world is the acronym STOPEATS. If it makes your brain go a bit wonky, it's probably included in STOPEATS.

Sugar

If E is a diabetic and lost track of her sugar intake, she could suffer from altered mental status as a part of hyperglycemia. If F knows E has diabetes, he can hopefully guess at the cause of her confusion and help her take her medication, or get her to a hospital.

Temperature

When the body gets really cold or really hot, the brain can stop working right. In fact, altered mental status is a key sign of being hypothermic vs. just cold. Ditto with heat stroke. Hopefully, the environment makes if obvious to F what is causing E's weird behavior. He can treat her by bringing her out of the cold or heat.

Oxygen

Hypoxia occurs when the brain is starved of oxygen, such as at a high altitude. It is most common in mountain climbers and pilots, such as the one in this video who reports having "no control" of his aircraft but otherwise, is not concerned at all about the situation. Astronomers may also suffer from hypoxia on occasion.

XKCD 1463: Altitude

Hypoxic people behave as if drunk. They are often euphoric, may speak slowly, and will act confused. The key treatment for high-altitude hypoxia is reducing altitude ASAP. In the video, you can hear the air traffic controller trying to coax the pilot lower. He knows he doesn't need the pilot to land—as soon as he can breathe a little better, he'll remember how to fly be able to land himself.

Pressure

If a brain injury causes bleeding in the skull, that blood has nowhere to go and can build up pressure. This causes the brain to lose functioning and is called intracranial pressure (ICP). It's the worst type of traumatic brain injury (TBI) besides one that just kills E outright.

If E is suffering from ICP, she'll probably be confused and behaving erratically. She may have gaps in her memory as well. Most likely, she'll also report "the worst headache of my life"—literally. In training, we were told to look out for that exact phrase when diagnosing head taumas. In later stages of ICP, E may also vomit, a lot.

Treatment involves getting to surgery ASAP so a doctor can cut open her skull and relieve some of the pressure. For obvious reasons, that is not something we attempt in the field.

Electricity

I'll be honest: I think they just wanted the acronym to work when they made this one E. What they actually mean in most cases is seizures. The classic seizure is a grand mal seizure, which involves the muscles tensing, twitching, etc. But seizures come in all shapes and sizes. For some, a seizure might mean smelling something that isn't there, or hearing music, or a single twitching muscle. Because seizures are unauthorized electrical activity in the brain, they can cause disorientation and erratic behavior.

Often, coming out of a seizure can be quite disorienting too. If F is helping E through a seizure, he should first try to prevent her from harming herself. If she's banging her head against the wall, that means putting a hand or pillow there. If she's near a table, that means moving the table. (NO sitting on / restraining people with seizures and NO putting stuff in their mouth! No! Why? You want them to choke? No!). As she recovers, F can remain calm, help her understand what happened if she needs it, and get her further care if requested.

Altitude

As with temperature, both very high and very low altitudes can cause brain problems (if you are beginning to suspect the brain is just a picky organ, you'd be correct). Scuba divers who ascend too quickly can suffer from nitrogen narcosis, which can lead to euphoria, confusion, memory loss, difficulty concentration, etc. (all classic signs of altered mental status).

If E goes too high, say, on a mountain, she could suffer from High-Altitude Cerebral Edema (HACE—controversial opinion but high-altitude stuff has all the good acronyms and names, HACE being but one example). It occurs when the brain swells at a high altitude and leads to confusion, lethargy, and a headache.

Luckily, as with most high-altitude problems, it can be solved quickly by going lower. When in doubt, on a mountain, taking the patient to a lower altitude is probably a good idea.

Toxins

Alcohol, LSD, marijuana, morphine—drugs cause altered mental status, as can bites or stings from venemous animals.

There are as many ways to treat toxins as there are toxins, maybe more, so I leave you with a fun fact the majority of snake bites in the US are people who tried to pick up the snakes.

In the words of Mod N's WFR instructor: "Red near black? Who cares. It's a snake. Why are you messing with snakes?"

Salt

Salt concentrations across cell membranes is one way nutrients travel into and out of cells. If E's blood suddenly has way less salt (electrolytes) than normal, this causes all the nutrients to flow out of her cells and into her blood, starving her organs. Brains run on salt and not having enough salt makes... neurons fire different? Stop firing? Something scientific and complicated. For our purposes: not enough salt = brain go weird.

This is called hyponatremia and is my favorite of all the STOPEATS ailments. Hyponatremic people behave as if drunk. The treatment is to 1) stop chugging water, 2) stop competing in your high-endurance sport (and therefore stop sweating), and 3) drink / eat something salty.

Conclusion

Give your characters altered mental statuses. It will be fun. I promise.

The most easily treatable problems that make brain go weird are: hypoxia and high-altitude cerebral edema.

Please write more characters with hyponatremia.

[robotslenderman]

Just had one hell of a fright with our boy with the dicky ticker.

Heard Mum calling out to me an hour ago, “Dusty, can you come up here?”

And that, by the way, is basically a big OH SHIT sign in my house because usually when you obey that request this happens:

(Things I have walked in on after hearing that phrase includes: Mum covered in ferret pee trying to juggle ferrets wanting to kill each other, Mum with an arm covered in blood with a dog latched onto her and holding another one back as they also try to kill each other, and also Mum on the floor crying her eyes out with a sick ferret in her arms.)

Needless to say, I was (unfortunately) not disappointed. Came in and found Mum freaking out over poor Frankie, whose back legs were suddenly not working. He’d also pooped/piddled himself.

So we booked a vet appt -- got one for half past that hour so we zoomed off. Absolutely dreading that he’d fallen off the shelf and fractured his spine, or broken his leg, but I kept my mouth shut because Mum’s stress levels were up to the ceiling.

Thankfully

(thank fucking god)

(touch wood)

it may just be a kidney infection.

His legs are still working -- he kicks, his reflexes are there, he doesn’t have any pain in his legs, nor any in his spine, and no lumps were detected on palpation. His mobility is fucked but his legs are still functional. He’s also not incontinent, he just appeared to be because he couldn’t get a good position to take a dump and got it all over himself. His tail is also fine.

The really good news was that he didn’t have a problem peeing (bladder stones killed his twin brother), and that he had blood in his urine.

So it looks like he’s got a kidney infection, which is totally treatable with antibiotics.

thank

fucking

Christ on a shitstick.

Anyway he’s had a steroid injection and I have the absolute fun of cutting up a tablet into fucking thirds (I’ve gotten so good at pill cutting because of how temperamental his heart medication is I nailed it on the first try), and tomorrow he’ll be back in for another steroid injection and a checkup to determine his prognosis. He’s also had a urine sample sent off to the lab, so hopefully that’ll confirm our suspicions.

Really hoping for a kidney infection because out of every single possibility that was going through my mind, that is the only one that is treatable. Other alternatives included fractures and his (currently benign) tumour pressing on his spine.

thank

fucking

god.

He’s now in the hospital cage next to the sofa being angry because his legs aren’t cooperating. He’s had his first dose of antibiotics, so hopefully we’ll see improvement before it’s time for his evening dose of heart medication.

[meetmeatthecoda]

At long last...

... here is Scripted. I don’t think there’s anything to say about this fic that I haven’t already. The only thing I would add is that this fic is definitely something new for me, in a lot of different ways, and it was certainly a challenge to write over the last month. But I don’t think it’s too bad, I’m actually pretty proud of how it turned out :) But, as always, I would love any feedback you guys feel inclined to give me. Also, this fic is pretty massive by my standards (60 pages solid pages and 24k+ words) so, while I am putting it below the cut, I’m also putting it on my FF.net (here) and AO3 (here) for ease of reading. As a reminder, the summary is below. I have an ending (Part 2) vaguely outlined but, if I write it at all, it won’t be for a while. I wanna focus on some of my other projects for the rest of my break. Lastly, I just wanna give a quick shout-out to all my peeps who were super patient and supportive through the whole process of writing this, I couldn’t have done it without you! :D (I know I’m not accepting an Oscar here, just wanted to throw that out there :) Anyway, here is is. If you’ve got a few minutes, please tell me what you think and, more importantly, please, please enjoy! :D Much love y’all! <3

Summary: AU after 5.08, no Tom, Agnes, or daddygate. Lizzington. Inspired by Liz writing on the clipboard in the winter finale. Liz wakes from her coma and is diagnosed with apraxia of speech; she can understand speech but she has trouble speaking herself. Adjusting to her newly silent life proves difficult for her and her AOS and depression drive her into Red's arms. How will they cope?

Liz taps her fingers on her thighs, frowning at the black and red discs arranged on the board in front of her.

“Face it, Lizzie, you’re fighting a losing battle. Just surrender now and I promise I won’t gloat too much.”

Red smirks at her from his seat next to her hospital bed, arms crossed and leaning back in his chair confidently, taunting her.

She holds up her hand without looking away from the board, signaling that he should stop talking. He chuckles lowly at that but falls silent. Liz checks the board over once more and, sure of her move, nods to herself. She leans forward and picks up one of her red checker pieces, skipping it over three of Red’s black pieces in quick succession, her red piece ending up on the row of squares closest to him, a king.

Red’s mouth falls open in surprise and he leans forward to glare comically at the board. Liz picks up his stolen black pieces proudly, grinning, mouth open in a silent laugh.

Silent.

Red’s voice has been the only one sounding in her hospital room since she woke up a month ago.  

Things haven’t been going well.

She’s been poked and prodded by doctors since the moment Red had suddenly remembered that she needed medical attention and stopped kissing her hands long enough to push the call button.

(She still gets flutters in her stomach when she thinks about the sensation of Red’s lips on her fingers.)

The doctors had run about the room, excited and bursting with questions for her. Apparently, she’s the longest coma patient they’ve had that’s actually woken up.

She’s tries not to think about that. 

They’d run bloodwork and taken samples, tested her strength and brought in physical therapists. She’s been working daily with a kind, older woman to build up her muscles again. They spent the first two weeks doing upper body and arm exercises in bed, which was endlessly frustrating for Liz, who felt as though she should be able to stand up and walk right out of the hospital. Her physical therapist assured her she was doing remarkably well and that she shouldn’t try to push herself.

Her physical strength is one thing, something that Liz is fairly confident she can regain with a little patience. But her physical condition is not the only thing under scrutiny.

She is having trouble speaking.

It was an odd thing. After it was determined that she could breathe on her own and the ventilator was removed, the doctors had officially greeted her and asked her how she was feeling. She had opened her mouth to speak, knowing what she wanted to say (something completely stupid like “fine, thanks, how are you?”), and expected her voice to be a little worse for wear, scratchy and hoarse (after all, it’s been ten months since she last spoke), but she hadn’t expected it to not come out at all.

She couldn’t talk.

Liz tried desperately to make her mouth form the words she wanted to say but her lips and tongue simply couldn’t obey her brain. She had worked her mouth repeatedly but couldn’t make herself say anything.

It was terrifying.

She had quickly started to panic and Red had seen that she was having a problem before the doctors did, rushing to her side, and crouching over her, speaking quickly, urgently –

“Lizzie? Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you alright, what’s the matter? Doctor, what’s happening, she can’t –”

The doctor was baffled at first but quickly jumped into action, calling a nurse in to give Liz a mild sedative, and promising Red that he would contact a speech therapist.

After many more tests and unsuccessful attempts to speak, Liz was diagnosed with apraxia of speech. She had listened mutely as the speech therapist had quietly explained it, clutching Red’s hand tightly as a few tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her face.

The condition is rare and still a little mysterious but it can sometimes occur after traumatic brain injuries like Liz’s. Her speech therapist has only seen a handful of cases but she assured Liz and Red that it is completely treatable and, in most cases, clears up suddenly on its own. But it is important to attend speech therapy and, for the time being, practice some forms of non-verbal communication. She and the other doctors had suggested sign language and left a packet containing the basics on her nightstand, making sure to leave the neat diagram of the alphabet out on top. They were eager for her to start.

She had angrily shoved the diagram back in the folder.

For some reason, Liz abhors the thought of learning sign language. It’s perfectly reasonable, of course, and it would help significantly with communication but she just can’t make herself open the folder and look. She thinks maybe it’s because it would feel like defeat. It’s only meant to be a temporary solution until she can speak again but Liz simply can’t stomach the idea. Learning a completely new language? No, she can’t. Not when she feels like she does.

(Small and drained and weak.)

No, Liz favors a pen and paper. She doesn’t have to learn any new skills to just write words on paper and Liz is simply too tired to learn new skills.

(She’s not sure how she can be so tried when she just slept for ten months but somehow, she is constantly exhausted.)

Liz feels strangely shy around her doctors, sometimes feeling oddly as though she’s still sleeping and the world is moving around her, taking no notice of her lying there in silence. She’s not sure whether she prefers it or not. They say she just needs to adjust to things but she’s not so sure. She talks only to Red via pen and paper, telling him what she would like to say to the doctors and he graciously acts as intermediary between them, Liz preferring not to be the subject of their clinical gazes and blunt words.

Red has, in fact, been wonderful.

Red.

Liz looks at him now, still examining the checkers board, scowling and muttering to himself as he tries to figure out where he went wrong, and smiles.

He has been here for every step of her slow recovery, spending the days keeping her company with books and games and even spending the nights on a cot in her room. Liz gets the feeling that ten months ago, before her accident and her coma and her general life upheaval, she would have wanted Red to leave her be. She would have asked politely (hopefully) for some space, urging him to wait for her to call before coming back to visit her.

(She’s honestly not sure if she would have called at all.)

But that’s how she would have felt ten months ago. Somehow, she feels very different now. Perhaps all that sleep gave her mind time to absorb and process the whirlwind that her life has been for the past four years before her coma. She has somehow been married, divorced, married, annulled, married, and windowed in what felt like very quick succession.

(Tom is gone now though and though she feels a kind of calm sadness about it, she’s moved on and she doesn’t want to dwell on it. That’s that.)

Just about every aspect of her life had been turned upside down before her accident and she didn’t know which way was up. But throughout the whole process, there was Red. Always Red. And now she can see that he’s always been here for her, even at her worst times.

So, the coma seems to have helped in one respect at least.

Red was the first thing she heard when she regained consciousness and, as she blinked blearily, the first thing she saw when she turned her head.

(He was also the first thing she touched in ten months, her hand gently nudging his shoulder and his hand grasping, pressing her fingers desperately to his face, but that’s another thing she tries not to think about too hard.)

Red has been here from what feels like the very beginning and she honestly doesn’t want anything different. She wants him here with her, by her side, supporting her as he has always done, and while that should feel like a complete about-face for her, it doesn’t.

It feels like she is finally seeing straight.

She just wishes it hadn’t taken a year-long coma to get her there.

“Lizzie?”

Red is here now, of course, having finally accepted his defeat at checkers, and is peering at her, a little concerned at her prolonged silence. She blinks to clear her mind and smiles at him reassuringly, patting his hand where it lays next to hers on the side of her bed.

He is never far from her.

He smiles back, the concern gone now that she’s here in the present again.

“Congratulations, you’ve won,” he sighs, pretending to be put out. She giggles. For some reason, non-language noises can still usually come naturally to her, quiet laughs, sighs, hums, and coughs. The therapist assures her that it’s normal and that she should use these things to gently warm up her vocal chords and get used to speaking again.

(Liz hasn’t been doing that.)

Red touches her hand gently. “Would you like to play again?” he asks softly.

She shakes her head no, squeezing his hand. He nods and picks up the board, tipping the checker pieces carefully back into their box.

“Perhaps tomorrow,” he says, smiling kindly at her, putting the lid on the box and placing it in the small pile in the corner where he’s amassed all their board games. It’s quite a collection at this point. “Would you like me to read to you?”

Tired of head nods and shakes, Liz picks up the notebook and pen that are always within reach on her nightstand, conveniently covering up the folder of ASL materials.

I’m tired.

She scrawls it on the paper and tilts it towards Red, whose eyes scan the paper to read.

“All right, then,” he says easily. “A nap it is.”

He busies himself needlessly straightening up the room and pulling the curtains on her windows.

It’s still light outside.

He pulls his cot towards her bed, where they both like it, so he is within reach while she sleeps. They’ve taken to holding hands while they sleep.

“Perhaps when you wake up we can look at the ASL alphabet together?” he suggests tentatively.

He knows of her reluctance to begin learning but he doesn’t know why she’s so averse to the idea.

Liz isn’t completely sure she knows either.

(But she’s seen him practicing the signs quietly in the corner when he thinks she’s asleep.)

She doesn’t answer, simply turns away from him and closes her eyes as he clicks off her bedside lamp, pretending she’s too tired to answer.

Besides, what does it matter?

She doesn’t care.

“Dembe said he was sad to miss you but he was glad you were resting. I told him that we were talking about a new Chinese checkers board and I asked him to go pick one up for us. He said he didn’t mind but I didn’t quite believe him so I told him to pick up something for himself at the same time. I wonder what he decided on. I’ll have to ask him when he gets back.”

Liz listens as Red tells her of Dembe’s latest visit, one that she had napped right through. She hadn’t meant to, of course, but she can’t help but feel a little relieved. For some reason, she’d rather hear Red talk about Dembe’s visit than talk to Dembe in person. She feels just as uncomfortable around Dembe as she does her doctors and anyone but Red, for that matter. She’d rather hear about things second-hand. But she still likes to talk to Red.

She starts to write a response to him in her notebook.

I’m sure Dembe doesn’t mind, you know how loyal he is to you and –

“He’s been quite a life saver these past few months, you know, bringing me things and running errands so I didn’t have to leave you. He’s been so wonderful. He deserves a fabulous vacation soon, certainly.”

Liz purses her lips but abandons her previous sentence to start a new one, trying to follow Red’s train of thought as he speaks.

Please thank Dembe for me, I haven’t had the chance yet. You’ll have to –

“And his daughter sent flowers as well, a few months ago, beautiful sunflowers to brighten up the room, she said. Isabella is a wonderful girl, beautiful and bright, with a little one of her own now. She grew so fast, I swear.”

Liz frowns, getting annoyed now. How is she supposed to keep up with Red with he goes from topic to topic so quickly? She can’t just interject her contribution verbally into the conversation as she would have normally, she has to write what she wants to say, and it would be a lot easier to keep up if he would just slow down –

I’ve heard a lot about Isabella from you and Dembe. It’s a shame I’ve never met her. What did you say her daughter’s name is –

“Maybe I should send them all on vacation, what do you think, Lizzie? Isabella can take some time off work and her little one would love the beach, I’m sure of it –”

Liz slaps her hand against her bed tray in frustration, unable to stand it any longer. Red jumps a little in his chair, not expecting the noise, and looks at her, startled.

“Lizzie? What’s wrong, are you in pain?”

He takes her hand quickly, an instinctive move, it seems, and only then notices the red pen she’s holding.

“Oh,” he murmurs. “Were you writing something? I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

He gently pulls her abandoned notebook closer to him and peers at it. She watches his eyes scan over the paper, taking in her hastily written sentences, each one unfinished, her handwriting getting sloppier as it descends the paper, hurried but still unable to keep up with him.

Red’s eyes widen as he understands and he pushes the notebook aside, his hands going back to hold hers, trying to sooth her.

“Oh, Lizzie, I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I thought you were just listening, I didn’t know…”

She sees the obvious sympathy in his eyes as he presses a kiss to her hand and suddenly her throat tightens and her eyes fill up with tears. She’s been so emotional since she woke up, crying at the drop of hat, constantly feeling sorry for herself. The doctors have tried to assure her that it’s completely normal, she’s been through a lot, after all, but it doesn’t help.

She just feels so weak.

Red sees her tears and his face crumples, suffering right along with her as he has been this whole time and that makes her cry even harder.

“No, no, Lizzie, don’t cry. It’s alright, it’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out, we just need to get adjusted to things, that’s all. And it’s my fault anyway, Lizzie, I’ll talk slower, I promise.”

She shakes her head as he pulls her in for a hug, a common occurrence these days, his arms and scent surrounding her with wonderful familiarity. Red has been so patient with all of this, with her, and she’s the one that can’t keep herself together for more than five minutes at a time. She wishes she could tell him that but, even if she took the time to write it down, he would vehemently deny it and give her reassurances she doesn’t deserve so she just hugs him, reveling in his warmth, listening to his deep voice as he whispers to her, letting him comfort her.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie, I wasn’t thinking. When you were asleep, I just talked endlessly because I knew you wouldn’t answer. It seems I’ve got to kick that habit now that you’re awake and I couldn’t be more grateful, Lizzie. I’m so happy you’re awake. I just have to slow down because of course you have things to say, Lizzie, and you need a little extra time to contribute and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t worry, Lizzie, we’ll get the hang of things soon…”

Liz’s heart aches at the thought of Red talking to her nonstop while she was in her coma, desperate to keep her alive somehow, so afraid she wouldn’t wake up. She squeezes him as hard as she can with her arms, in a loop around his broad shoulders, feeling so grateful for him.

(She doesn’t know how he made it through those long months alone. She will never ask him.)

Liz feels herself calming down as Red rubs her back gently and, after a long moment, she pulls away reluctantly. Red lets her go and plucks a tissue out of the box on her nightstand, offering it to her kindly. She dabs at her eyes and blows her nose, a little embarrassed, but Red just smiles adoringly at her. She tosses her used tissue in the trash and picks up her pen to scrawl two words on her notebook.

Thank you.

“Oh, of course, Lizzie, don’t be silly.” Red murmurs, rubbing her arm tenderly.

Liz smiles at him and blinks lazily, realizing she is suddenly exhausted.

“That’s enough drama for one day. How about a nap?” Red says teasingly. His attempt at lightness helps and she nods. A nap sounds wonderful.

Red drags his cot over to her bedside and switches off her bedside lamp, quickly getting comfortable as she turns on her side to face him.

“Get some rest, Lizzie,” he murmurs quietly.

Liz stretches her arm out the short distance to his cot and finds his hand in the darkness, her eyes already drooping closed.

They’ll figure it out.

Somehow.

Liz bites her lip, focusing intensely on the notebook on her bed tray and the red pen in her hand, trying to form a flawless lowercase “a” between the lines of the paper, her hand still a little weak and unsteady.

She is practicing.

She doesn’t really want to, her writing is perfectly legible, as Red has assured her, but he doesn’t like to see her apathetic and staring off into space like she prefers to. Red and her doctors like to see her putting her mind to something when she’s not slowly regaining strength in her limbs. Since she’d rather not attract more unwanted attention from them, she has to do something.

And Liz refuses to learn ASL.

It’s so much easier to practice her handwriting instead. She can recall the skills easily and she can practice mindlessly enough while still distracting herself from the torrent of her thoughts. It’s easy. And some clarity in her letters wouldn’t hurt. 

(Red sometimes squints at her k’s.)

Liz peers at the neat row of a’s marching across one line of notebook paper and nods to herself. Good enough. She moves to the next line and, with a small sigh, starts on b’s.

As she writes, she listens idly to Red’s voice, coming to her from outside her room in the hallway of the hospital, talking to Dembe on the phone.

“No, I didn’t say that…I’m not sure why you think I would…No, don’t answer that…Anyway, it doesn’t matter, they’re pleased with her. When are you getting back?”

Liz takes a break from her b’s, shaking out her hand, sore already, and looks up at Red through the open blinds on her hallway window. Amid his leisurely pacing up and down the hallway in front of her room, he seems to feel her gaze on him and turns around, meeting her eyes through the window. Liz feels a little thrill go through her at the sudden attention and she blushes a little. Red’s gaze softens as he looks at her. He smiles and gives a little wave and she can’t help but grin and wiggle her fingers back.

He’s sweet.

“Yes, maybe you should…I don’t think we need that, no…Well, what did they say?”

Liz smiles to herself and goes back to her b’s, listening to the pleasant rumble of Red’s voice as she writes.

She has moved on to c’s by the time he comes back, steadily making progress, but feeling no real sense of achievement, just a bland satisfaction at successfully passing the time. And having something to show Red.

She’s missed him.

He was only out in the hallway for half an hour at most and she could see and hear him the whole time but, nonetheless, Liz feels better, lighter, happier when he walks back in the room, here and present with her.

“I’m sorry that took so long, Lizzie. Dembe and I were catching up.”

Red takes a seat by her side and waits patiently while she writes a response in the margin of her practice page.

(He’s gotten a lot better at waiting.)

That’s alright. Any interesting news to share?

“Well, he did say that –” Red starts to say but he stops short when he sees the lines of letters occupying the majority of her page. “Lizzie, you’ve been practicing?” he exclaims, for some reason incredibly excited by this.

Liz can’t help but return his wide smile. She nods and he lets out a joyous laugh, taking her hand, pen and all, to squeeze it.

“Lizzie, that’s wonderful! Good for you, I’m so proud of you!”

His words fill her with what seems like a disproportionate amount of happiness, like sunshine suddenly illuminating a dim room. She smiles again and, with a renewed sense of vigor, starts work on her d’s, listening contentedly as he chatters animatedly about his conversation with Dembe.

She’s happy that he’s happy.

Liz taps her fingers anxiously on the bed next to her thighs, looking out her window into the hallway outside, biting her lip and watching as Red talks to her lead doctor.

They are discussing her future.

Well, not her future so much as her immediate plans. If there’s anything Liz has learned through this ordeal, it’s that the future is unpredictable. Immediate plans, however, can be arranged. And they say Liz is ready to leave the hospital.

She is nervous.

She would appreciate a change of scenery, given that this room is all she’s known for the last year of her life. Granted she was asleep for the bigger portion of it but it is remarkable how boring the same four walls can become, especially when confined to a bed.

But Liz is still more afraid than excited to leave. She supposes she would be more enthusiastic if she knew where she’s going.

Liz watches as Red shakes his head and gestures wildly, hands flitting about as they try to illustrate his point to the doctor, whose lips are pursed in disapproval. Liz furrows her brow. What are they arguing about? She would be able to hear them but the doctor had closed the door behind him on the way out so all she can see is their mouths moving.

It’s one of the many frustrating things she’s dealt with recently.

Liz doesn’t mind Red talking to the doctors in her place, in fact she prefers it, and she trusts him to arrange what’s best for her but she’d feel a lot more at ease if she could hear exactly what changes they’re discussing, as it will affect her most directly. If she could just hear what they’re saying –

Liz sighs, wishing she could stand up and pace. She could, of course, she’s made wonderful physical progress after all and, if she could get up and pace, then she could just as easily open the door and listen in on their conversation. But she’s already done her physical therapy for the day and she’s tired. If Red would just come back in and tell her what’s going on then she could sleep peacefully. He hasn’t told her anything about what he’s arranged with the doctors. She knows he had to give up her apartment a few months into her coma and he had Dembe carefully pack up all her belongings and place them in a storage unit.

She was very glad to hear that.

She is still worried though. Not about the apartment or her possessions, of course, she trusts Red more than enough to organize all that, but it worries her because that means she has no home to go to once she is released. She has no apartment and it will take time to look for one and she certainly hasn’t had the presence of mind recently to start that process. She supposes she could stay in a hotel while she looks but she also hasn’t given a thought to her financial situation. After all, she hasn’t seen a bank statement for a year. She doesn’t know if she can even afford an apartment.

(Red had completely floored her when he assured her that all her hospital costs had been taken care of. Liz can’t even fathom what that amount had come to after ten months of life support and she’d quite simply broken down into tears when Red told her she didn’t owe a dime. She knew right then that she would, quite literally, never be able to repay his generosity, even if she dedicated the rest of her life to it. The thought puts a strange feeling in her chest.)

But the fact remains that Liz knows frighteningly little about how she would fair if she were tossed out of the hospital and excepted to support herself. This whole process has moved very fast and it would be a very rough re-entry into the real world, so different from this little haven Red has created for her in this hospital room.  

She truly doesn’t know what she’ll do.

She knows what she wants though.

Red.

She wants to stay with Red.

She knows that’s horribly pathetic and needy but she can’t help it. Red has been with her every second since she’s woken up and, by all accounts, every second since she fell asleep. She’s grown very attached to his presence, his support, his voice, his laugh, his smile during her recovery.

She can’t imagine being without him. The thought fills her with a horrible ache.

Yes, she wants to stay with him. She wonders if he’ll want that. It makes her strangely panicky to think of what he’ll say.

Liz glances back at the window to see the doctor frowning, shaking his head and trying to interrupt Red, while Red’s mouth moves as he firmly talks over him. Liz can’t suppress a smirk.

This doctor obviously doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.

Liz’s smile fades as her distracted mind goes back to her current predicament: how does she ask Red if she can stay with him? With a start, she sees that it looks like he and the doctor are finishing up so she’d better think of something.

Quickly.

She snatches her notebook and pen off her nightstand and flips to a blank page. She taps her pen against her bed tray in a frantic rhythm that only serves to annoy her. She sighs, frustrated. There’s no use sitting here agonizing over it. She’d better just try writing something. She puts pen to paper.

Hey, Red, do you think –

No, too casual.

She scratches it out.

Raymond, would you consider allowing me –

Too formal.

Scratch.

Red, may I come and stay with you when I am released?

Ugh, that’s too…something.

Why is this so difficult?

Liz glances up at the window once again to see the doctor, his head hung in something that looks like defeat and Red, wearing an expression that looks curiously like success.

Red has won.

Liz’s heart skips a beat in her chest. She watches as the doctor turns and wanders down the hallway dejectedly, not sparing a glance towards her room, while Red nods triumphantly, looking very happy with himself, and starts towards her door.

Liz panics at the sight and quickly scratches out her last failed sentence. She just manages to flip to a clean page in her notebook to hide all evidence of her struggle when the door opens and Red bursts in, excited.

“Lizzie! Oh, good, you’re awake, I know that took quite a while but your doctor needed some convincing. Not to worry, I got him to see our side of it and everything is sorted out. I have such plans, everything will be fine, Dembe is seeing to the arrangements now, so things will be ready within a day or two and – Lizzie? Is something wrong?”

She has been staring at him blankly, listening to his vague statements, and getting progressively more worried the less specific he is. What has he planned for her?

“Lizzie?”

He is still waiting for some sort of answer from her. Liz blinks, exhaling shakily, and turns to her notebook. Red sees her start to write and comes to her side to read, concerned.

I don’t understand – where will I go?

Liz tilts the notebook hesitantly towards Red and watches anxiously as his eyes scan the paper.

“Oh, Lizzie, I’m sorry, I thought you knew,” he sits on the edge of her bed and takes her hand carefully. “You’ll be coming with me, of course. I have a nice house all picked out, I think you’ll love it, it’s on a beautiful lake, the perfect place to continue your recuperation. It’s not too big but also not too small. Just right, I think, but we’ll see if you agree. And I’ve convinced your doctors not to send any nurses with you, you don’t need them, you’re able to function independently now and, at any rate, I’ll be right there if you need something. It will be –”

Red stops talking suddenly, looking almost frightened as he takes in her expression.

“That is, only if you want to, Lizzie. Do you…I just assumed…Do you want to stay with me?”

The words are curiously timid and Liz marvels at them. She never thought Raymond Reddington could be shy.

What an odd sight.

(It makes her want to hold him.)

Red continues to stare at Liz, obviously waiting on tender hooks for an answer. Liz simply looks back at him affectionately before jumping suddenly, realizing she has just been staring stupidly at him with her mouth open, contemplating how perfectly wonderful his plans sound. How did he know exactly what she wanted?

(She supposes she shouldn’t be surprised. Red has always been good at reading her. Even when she can’t read herself.)

Liz scrambles for her pen, in a hurry to reassure him, and quickly scrawls in her notebook, her words big and off center in her haste.

Yes, of course! Honestly, that’s exactly what I was hoping for!

“Oh, good,” Red gasps upon reading her words, sounding distinctly relieved. “I didn’t even realize we hadn’t discussed it, I just went ahead and made plans, that was very presumptuous of me, Lizzie, I’m so sorry –”

I just didn’t know what you had in mind and I didn’t know how to ask you but really, I don’t know what I’d do or where I’d go, so thank you and I just –

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Liz marvels at the fact that they can be awkwardly talking over one another when Red is speaking and she is writing and Red seems to realize it at the same time she does, giving up on his sentence with a breathy chuckle and Liz stops writing just to listen to the sound.

They look at each other fondly for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, and Liz feels inexplicably grateful for Red.

Where would she be without him?

(She doesn’t want to know.)

She touches the back of his hand gently.

“It’s truly my pleasure, Lizzie,” he murmurs with a gentle smile and she tries not to cry at the genuine feeling in his voice.

She’s staying with him.

She’ll be alright.

“Mr. Kershaw, I may speak to you for a moment please?”

Red looks up, a little startled, from Lizzie’s notebook where they are playing tic-tac-toe while waiting for Dembe to arrive. It will be his last visit before the move and he’s going to update Red on all the preparations. Red is on pins and needles waiting for him. He wants everything to be absolutely perfect.

(Just as Lizzie deserves.)

But first, apparently, Lizzie’s doctor wants to talk to him.

Hm.

“Certainly, Dr. Lauflan. What is it?” Red replies, curious. Lizzie’s doctor generally doesn’t make a habit of speaking to them more than strictly necessary. He’s never been particularly in favor of Red and Liz’s undisclosed situation, as Red made sure to keep the nature of their relationship fairly ambiguous, and the good doctor resents not being privy to all the details. But as far as Red is concerned, Dr. Lauflin should be interested only in Lizzie’s health and not why Red has barely left her bedside since she was brought in a year ago. Regardless, Red’s not sure whether the doctor’s unsociable behavior is a result of nothing to say since Lizzie has stabilized or out of general disapproval of their current situation.

Red’s also not sure if he cares.

He looks back at the doctor expectantly, who hesitates.

“Perhaps we could speak outside in the hall,” he says bluntly. Red blinks in surprise.

Interesting.

Red glances at Lizzie, wanting to make sure she doesn’t have a problem with him and her doctor talking out of her earshot when the only thing they could possibly being discussing is her. She hasn’t minded lately. In fact, she has been surprisingly disinterested in her doctor’s input after he relayed her initial test results after she woke. She has encouraged Red to speak to him in her place, perhaps feeling uncomfortable with not being able to verbalize her questions and comments. Red doesn’t see a problem with this, after all, his only goal is to assist Lizzie in any way he can, and he takes Lizzie’s reliance on him in this manner as a display of trust. That’s something they had frighteningly little of before her accident and Red’s not about to turn around and ruin it now.

(Besides, he’d die for her. In comparison, this is simple.)

Looking at her now, Red can see a slight pursing at the corners of her mouth, telling him she is vaguely annoyed that Dr. Lauflan is so obviously trying to leave her out of things but she gives a little shrug and nods at Red in permission. He touches her hand briefly in response before standing, stretching, and following Lizzie’s doctor out of the room.

“Well?” Red murmurs, not unkindly, pulling Lizzie’s door shut as quietly as he can.

“Mr. Kershaw, I feel I must speak,” Dr. Lauflan says, his eyes hard as he looks at Red through his dark-framed glasses. “I have tried to be understanding in regard to your and Ms. Keen’s…relationship. I have disregarded visiting hours, included you in every detail of her treatment despite the fact that you are not a blood relative, even consented to send her to live with you without any assistance from a nurse or in-house doctor, although you are unqualified non-medical personnel. I did all of this against my better judgement, in part because of your sizable donation to the hospital and upfront payment of medical costs, but also because I can see how beneficial you are to Ms. Keen’s health. But now, since she will soon be out of my care, I must speak freely. Do you understand, Mr. Kershaw?”

Red blinks, shocked. This is surely the most he has ever heard Dr. Lauflan speak at one time. And there is more to come?

“Of course, Doctor. I urge you to speak your mind. I was under the impression you have been doing that for the duration of Ms. Keen’s stay. Have I been mistaken?” Red raises an eyebrow sternly.

“No, of course not,” he says, bristling and shaking his head firmly. “I have been truthful and concise in every aspect of Ms. Keen’s treatment, according to my Hippocratic Oath, which I take very seriously. I now speak in matters of advice, not strictly medical diagnosis. I could let you leave without saying what I’d like to say and still feel that I treated Ms. Keen to the best of my ability but I’m not sure my conscience would be at ease.”

“Well then, by all means, tell me what’s on your mind, Doctor,” says Red primly, getting a little annoyed with this beating around the bush.

Dr. Lauflan looks at him in silence for a moment before taking a deep breath and opening his mouth once again.

“Ms. Keen has made a remarkable recovery over the past several weeks. To be sure, I’ve never seen anything quite like it. I stand by my belief that, against all odds, she will make a full physical recovery. However, it is not her physique that I am concerned for. She is not as mentally engaged as I would like to see. She only communicates with you and she says little to me or her other doctors. I have a feeling that, away from the hospital, she will be more at risk of falling into serious depression. That is the main reason I would like her to attend therapy but you have vehemently refused.”

“Ms. Keen is not comfortable with that,” Red says stiffly, not willing to rehash an old argument simply for the doctor’s peace of mind. Lizzie has made it quite clear she doesn’t need to talk to a stranger about her problems. “Besides, she is coping just fine, considering all she has been through.”

“Of course, there is no doubt that she has endured considerable turmoil,” Dr. Lauflan agrees, a little impatiently. “But that brings me to other point: she must practice speaking, Mr. Kershaw. She has not spoken in my presence since awakening and I only see her write notes to you. It is my belief that she is too depressed to practice speaking or learn alternate methods of communication, which would at least keep her mind active, and she must be encouraged if she is to improve. If she does not try, she will not regain all of her previous speech abilities. If you continue to coddle her –”

“Excuse me?” Red interrupts, truly angry now. “Coddle her? Ms. Keen has been through awful trauma and I am willing to wait as long as it takes for her to be ready to make progress. I will not force her.”

“Sometimes force is necessary for improvement, Mr. Kershaw,” presses the doctor, desperately. “If you truly care for her, then you must insist that she speak.”

“Thank you for your valuable input, Doctor,” Red says abruptly, refusing to listen to any more. “But this conversation is over. Do not bring it up again.”

Red turns away from the blustering doctor without waiting for a response and reenters Lizzie’s room, shutting the door firmly behind him. As he heads to his normal seat at Lizzie’s bedside, he sees her writing something in her notebook. She turns it toward him as soon as he sits down.

What did the doctor want?

“Oh, nothing, sweetheart,” he says, working to let go of his anger. “He just wanted to go over some medical treatments for you. But it’s nothing for you to worry about,” he brushes some of her hair behind her ear and she smiles at him, easily mollified. “How about another game?”

Lizzie sets to work drawing up another neat tic-tac-toe board and Red glances through the window into the hallway. The doctor has gone, given up, good riddance, but Red notices Dembe standing in the hallway looking at him curiously through the window. How long has he been standing there? And how much of the doctor’s ridiculous diatribe did he hear?

Ah well. It was nothing Red wouldn’t have shared with him anyway.

(There is not much Red won’t tell Dembe.)

Red waves him in.

As Dembe enters, Lizzie offers Red the notebook and he picks up his black pen, drawing a tiny x in the upper right corner, greeting Dembe at the same time.  

Lizzie will be fine, Red tells himself as Dembe takes a seat next to him.

He’ll make sure of it.

“Are you ready, Lizzie?”

Today is the day.

She’s finally leaving the hospital.

And she’s scared.

This room has been all she’s known for what has surely been the longest and most difficult period of her life. It’s been a both comfort and a prison at times but Liz is still nervous to see the outside world again.

After all, it’s been a year.

But Liz is dressed in comfortable clothes, her favorite yoga pants and sweatshirt, kindly retrieved from her storage unit by Dembe, and she has her notebook in her hand and her pen stuck in her ponytail and Red is waiting for her.

“Lizzie?”

Red is here.

She can do this.

Liz looks at his encouraging smile and takes his proffered hand, using his solid strength to pull herself up off her hospital bed for the last time.

She is still a little weak, even though she can walk just fine on her own, but she stumbles into Red nevertheless. He wraps his arms around her automatically, instinctively, and she takes a moment to rest there, her cheek pressed against his shoulder, and breathe in his scent. He hums contentedly, pleased with the impromptu embrace, and rubs her back.

(She never thought she’d be quite this comfortable in his arms. But, alas, she’s never been happier.)

“Ready?” he murmurs after a nice moment.

Liz regretfully pulls back from him but takes his hand and holds onto it. She nods.

“All right, then. Let’s go,” Red says with a final excited smile.

He squeezes her hand and starts to walk, tugging her gently from the room. Liz stays close to his side as he leads her through the unfamiliar hospital hallways to the exit she’s never seen, politely greeting hospital staff and janitors as they pass. Liz watches, marveling at Red’s ability to befriend anyone, no matter their job or station.

(Liz realizes then that Red has probably had many opportunities to develop solid relationships with them all over the past year, probably saw them every single day as he sat patiently by her side, waiting for her to open her eyes.

She presses closer to him at the thought.)

And everyone who speaks to Red also has a bright smile and well wishes for Liz, happy to see her finally well enough to leave, their longest coma patient, awake at last. Liz smiles shyly at them all from Red’s side, clutching both his hand and arm for support. He tugs her along gently, looking back intermittently to check on her, always so attentive to her needs.

She squeezes his hand.

Before she knows it, they’re outside and there is Dembe, standing sentinel-like in front of the car waiting for them. His dark face breaks into a wide smile when he sees Liz walking with Red, his white teeth gleaming. As they come to a stop in front of him, Dembe speaks to her.

“Hello, Elizabeth. It is good to see you up and about.”

He wraps his arms around her in a gentle, warm hug and Liz returns it with one arm, not wanting to let go of Red’s hand just yet. She tries not to tear up at the emotion being shown by the normally stoic Dembe, truly touched by his attention.

Dembe pulls back, gives her a final smile, and opens the backseat car door for her. She thanks him with a nod of her head and slides in, forced to let go of Red’s hand, while Red claps Dembe on the arm and hurries around to the other side of the car to join her in the backseat, sliding in to sit beside her, both of them buckling in.

“Well done, Lizzie,” Red says to her softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She smiles at him in gratitude and scoots closer to his side, enjoying his warmth against her, taking his hand again.

(It feels right.)

And then they are off, Dembe driving them to their little house on a lake and Liz has done it. She left the hospital and she’s here and everything’s okay. It’s over. She gives a little sigh of relief.

Liz watches as Dembe guides the car gently through the streets of D.C., all the harried movement outside the window drawing her attention, and she turns to look. There are people walking, talking, going about their lives, moving quickly in between the tall, brightly-colored buildings, such a contrast to the year of darkness and sleeping and lying in bed that Liz has had. She blinks, trying to adjust and take it all in, but she finds herself over sensitized by the movement and color, so unlike her calm, still, little hospital room. The buildings seem to loom and tower over her, giving her a nasty sense of being trapped. She hurriedly turns away from the window and instead concentrates on Red’s thumb, brushing gently across her knuckles.

His touch is grounding.

As they leave the city about half an hour later, Liz takes a chance and looks out the window again, this time at the scenery. There are fewer cars and people this far outside the city, buildings and houses further apart, more open. There is green grass instead of pavement and blue sky is visible in the gaps between buildings. The sun is high in the sky, taking turns fading behind clouds only to burst out once again to brighten the landscape with its rays.

The expanse of suburbs they are passing through would not have fazed Liz a year ago – in fact, it would have been a welcome break from the busy city – but right now, after such a long confinement to one room, the open air seems limitless and vast in a way that directly contrasts the claustrophobia of the city itself and Liz feels herself getting a little nauseous with fear.

(First too small and now too big, what is wrong with her?)

Just as she senses herself starting to panic, she feels Red rub her shoulder absentmindedly, gazing out his own window, evidently unaware of her inner turmoil and all of a sudden Liz realizes that it’s silly to feel overwhelmed by the outside world when she tucked safely in the backseat of a car with Red.

(He won’t let her float away.)

She firmly turns away from the window, feeling something like relief, and focuses on his hand instead, still tenderly holding hers. She brings her other hand up to trace the knuckles and veins, concentrates on all the freckles and fine hairs scattered there, and feels herself begin to calm down.

(He has beautiful hands. Strong and capable but still gentle and loving. She is fascinated by them.)

When she looks up, it is to find Red watching her with an expression she has become very accustomed to these past few months.

(How could she miss it?)

She smiles at him.

“How about a game of dots?” he asks cheerfully, after a happy moment of staring at each other. She nods and grabs her notebook from next to her on the seat, flipping open to a clean page. She then pats her pockets automatically in search of her pen and frowns when she doesn’t feel it there, forgetting where she put it. Then she feels a little tug on her hair and suddenly there it is, held lightly in between Red’s thumb and index finger, tilted in her direction in offering.

“Looking for this?” he asks cheekily.

She giggles and snatches it from him, giving him a playful shove. He chuckles lowly and pulls her easily back into his embrace.

As she removes the cap and perches it on the back end of the pen for safekeeping, Liz happens to glance in the rear-view mirror to see Dembe’s eyes on them both, observing curiously, watching them fuss good-naturedly, clearly at ease with one another in a way he has never seen. She looks away quickly, shying away from his direct gaze, and quickly begins drawing rows of dots for their game.

Her and Red spend the ride like this, playing their silly games in her notebook, and laughing quietly with each other. Thanks to these distractions, the rest of the ride passes quickly (which she suspects was Red’s intention all along) and soon Liz feels the road change from paved highway to loose gravel and she looks up to see that Dembe has turned onto off the main road and onto a long driveway. Her heart leaps in her chest.

They must be close.

“We’re almost there, Lizzie,” Red says, answering her unwritten question. “I think we have time for one last game of hangman though and I do believe it’s my turn.”

By the time Liz wins her third game of hangman in a row (Red pinches her side in retribution for spelling “fedora” too quickly for him to draw his signature suited hangman), she can see the lake. She stares in wonder, and can barely breath for the beauty of it.

It is a sizable lake but not too big that she and Red can’t take daily walks around the edge before she gets tired. There is a willow tree hanging lazily on the left bank and a worn bench on the right for sitting, resting, and feeding the ducks that happily paddle across the surface. And the whole beautiful view is perfectly visible from the house.

The house.

Liz gasps as they turn the last corner in the driveway and it comes fully into view. It’s not big, probably less than two thousand square feet, but it doesn’t look small. For all it’s lacking in size, it makes up for in sheer cuteness. It is quaint and compact, just one floor, with blue shutters on the windows and tiny white window boxes underneath filled with blooming flowers.

It’s gorgeous.

Liz has always favored larger houses, wanting plenty of room to expand to a family when the time came. But, looking at this place, she is starting to doubt. It is the perfect size for just her and Red. And it doesn’t overwhelm her like the hustle and bustle of the city or the wide expanse of the suburbs. But Liz hadn’t known how overwhelmed she would be the world outside her little hospital room until they were on their way here. Had Red guessed how she would feel?

He presses a kiss to her hair.

Probably.

“What do you think?” he breathes as Dembe parks in front of the house and turns off the car. Liz can hear the nervousness in his voice.

(Silly Red.)

She finds a few spare lines in her notebook below their last game of hangman.

It’s so beautiful. I love it, Red. Thank you so much.

“Oh, Lizzie, I’m so glad,” Red says, sounding relieved. “Wait until you see the inside, come on…”

They say quick goodbyes to Dembe who, to Liz’s surprise, is not staying.

“Dembe has some things to take care of for me, Lizzie. But don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll visit.”

(Liz can’t help but be secretly relieved. As much as she likes Dembe’s company, she’s only spent a few hours with him since she woke up and she is looking forward to just being with Red again after this stressful day.

Just Red.)

They wave to Dembe from the small, wrap-around porch as he pulls away. Once he is out of sight around the bend of the driveway, Red pulls Lizzie over to the window box to the right of the door. He surprises her by plunging his hand into the soil, digging for a moment next to a bright yellow tulip before removing his hand with a triumphant “aha!” to reveal a small container hiding a key.

Practical, as always.

He quickly unlocks the front door, tucking the key inside his pants pocket, and ushers Liz inside ahead of him.

“Let’s see, where shall we start, Lizzie? Well, to the right is the living room, complete with comfortable couch and flat screen TV…”

Red takes Liz through every room of the house, chatting animatedly about the construction of the rooms and the selection of the furniture, the color of the paint and all the different knick-knacks. Liz listens in silence as he talks, completely in awe. As he takes her through each room, it is painfully obvious that Red had the house furnished with her in mind. There is a sectional couch in the living room like she had had in her brownstone with Tom, a sunroom at the back of the house with a wonderful view of the surrounding field, complete with a chaise longue for napping and reading (she vaguely remembers saying to Red once that she always wanted a room pompous enough to have a chaise longue but it must have been ages ago, she can’t believe he remembered), beautiful armchairs and paintings in the small library which is packed with books of all kinds, several of which she remembers mentioning to Red at some point, and there’s even a framed photo of her and Sam in her bedroom.

Liz tears up when she sees that.

They end the tour there in her bedroom, where Red has had the whole contents of her storage unit moved for easy access to her clothes and other personal belongings. There are two bedrooms in the house, one for her and one for Red, and of course he has given her the one with the best view of the lake and the attached bathroom. From a quick glance in, Liz can see that Red has had all of her preferred bath and beauty items, her favorite scents of shampoos and lotions, arranged inside, as well as some new products that look suspiciously expensive.

(She can’t wait to try those.)

Selfless man.

Liz looks around her beautiful bedroom, knowing she will be comfortable here in that king-sized bed with all those pillows, enjoy looking out the French doors framed by lacey blue curtains, love watching the surface of the lake ripple and flow in time with the gentle breeze.

And then she notices Red standing in the doorway, tapping his fingers nervously on his thighs.

Oh. He doesn’t know that she loves it.

Oh, Red.

Liz simply walks up to him and puts her hands gently on either side of his face, framing his handsome features, taking a moment to gaze into his eyes before wrapping her arms around his shoulders, one hand caressing the nape of his neck. He gets the message quickly, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing his face into her neck.

“I’m so pleased you like it, Lizzie, I was so hoping you would,” he whispers, his words slightly muffled by the fabric of her hoodie.

She just nods her head against him, scratching her nails lightly through his short hair.

Yes.

They’ll be happy here.

Red sighs, rolling over in bed for what feels like the hundredth time.

He can’t sleep.

He’s too wired from the busy day of moving and apprehensively watching Lizzie. She had done very well, as he knew she would, he has no reason to be anxious, but he worries for her all the same.

She has been through so much.

He had watched her cautiously explore the house in something like wonder, touching things gently as she went, pointing to things that warranted an explanation and smiling at others she recognized. She had realized that he was in need of reassurance that she liked the house and everything in it and she had done the best she could, obviously not through speech, but instead through touch.

Lizzie has become very tactile.

Red flips his pillow over, searching for the coolest side in last-ditch effort to get some rest. He sighs.

In light of not being able to speak freely, brief but comforting touches to his back, shoulders, and arms have become quite normal in their communications. It is Lizzie’s way of telling him things, subtle messages or obvious answers, when she doesn’t want to write things down.

Red loves it.

It brings a new level of intimacy to their interactions that he hadn’t realized he’d been craving. He regrets the necessity of it, of course, but he loves the fact that Lizzie is never far from him.

Lizzie.

Red rolls onto his side.

He had sent her to bed several hours ago, seeing she was exhausted from the stressful day, repeatedly dozing off on the couch, her head falling forward only to snap up again a second later, her mouth forming an adorable pout when she realized what happened before her eyes drooped closed once more and she did it all again. He had to work to suppress his fond chuckle. Instead, he had escorted her back to her room, making sure she had everything she needed, tissues and a bottle of water on her dresser, her notebook and pen on her nightstand. She had thanked him and wished him goodnight with a quick, sloppy note in her notebook, too tired to do anything more.

She was asleep before he had turned out all the lights.

He had tried not to stare at her while she slept and instead, left her room, pulling the door almost closed as he went. It felt odd to be leaving her to sleep. He had become very used to sleeping on a cot next to her bed in the hospital.

It was comforting for them both.

But she’s out of the hospital now and she surely doesn’t want an old man leering at her while she sleeps, not when he has his own room.

Red sighs once again and sits up in bed, deciding to give up on sleep altogether. He glances at the clock.

3:27am.

Red rubs his eyes. He has never been good at keeping normal sleeping hours but it has never really mattered before. The only person he normally lives with is Dembe and he sleeps like a rock, never waking when Red pads around the house in the dead of night, insomnia his only companion. But, in such a small house, Red is afraid of waking Lizzie. She needs her rest. And frankly, so does he. He needs to be well-rested so he can care for Lizzie the way she requires. He wants to do well taking care of her.

(He wants to be what she needs.)

Well, if he can’t sleep, Red knows from experience that there’s no helping it. He might as well get up and do something that might make him tired. Perhaps he will refrain from leaving his room though. To get to the kitchen or the library, he would have to pass Lizzie’s room and he left her door open a crack. He doesn’t want to frighten her, prowling about in the dark. No, he’ll stay here in his room. He’s sure Dembe packed at least a few books for him in his bag, if he can just find the one –

A shrill scream pierces the silence.

Lizzie.

Red is up and out of bed in a flash, dashing the short distance to Lizzie’s room, throwing the door completely open, terrified.

“Lizzie, what –”

But Lizzie can’t hear him.

She is asleep, tangled in her blanket, scrunched up in a ball on her bed, arms wrapped protectively around her head, right where the scar from her injury lays lurking under her hair.

She is having a nightmare about her accident.

Oh, no.

As he watches, she lets out another bloodcurdling scream, trying to fend off imaginary attackers.

She’s going to hurt herself.

“Lizzie, no –”

Red manages to unlock his limbs and move from the doorway, hurrying to Lizzie’s bedside, gently taking her hands and trying to tug her arms away from her head.

“Lizzie, sweetheart, it’s just a dream, wake up –”

She struggles against him but she can’t come close to breaking his hold.

(She is still so weak.)

“Lizzie, please, wake up –”

She kicks at him, trying to free herself, and makes an odd noise, a cross between a moan and a whimper, that goes right through him.

“Elizabeth –”

And then with a ragged gasp, her eyes fly open, tears gathering there before she’s even fully awake. She stares at him, panicking and failing for a few more seconds before she recognizes him. He holds her hands fast.

“Lizzie, it’s me, it’s all right, it was just a dre–”

But he doesn’t even finish before Lizzie is pulling her hands from his and throwing her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder.

“Oh, Lizzie…”

Red climbs onto the bed and pulls her shaking form protectively into his chest, wrapping his arms around her. He talks quietly to her, speaking words of comfort, feels himself rocking slightly, desperate to calm her.

He can’t stand to see her like this.

She is crying and whimpering and clutching fistfuls of his t-shirt, cowering against him, terrified.

(He wishes that he could kill her attackers all over again.)

Red can’t do anything but let her get it all out. He hates feeling so helpless. It feels like several, long, awful days have passed by the time Lizzie’s sobs finally fade to weak sniffles. Red continues to rub her back in soothing circles as she gradually calms down.

“There we go, that’s better, isn’t it, Lizzie? Are you alright? Do you need anything? Or would you like me to leave?”

He hadn’t been sure if she was even listening to his constant stream of whispered nonsense but as soon as he says this, she latches back onto him with renewed panic and he can feel her shaking her head frantically against his shoulder.

“Alright, okay, I’m sorry, I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying right here,” he says quickly, not wanting to make her start crying again. “What would you like me to do?” he asks gently.

Lizzie thinks for a moment and Red wonders briefly if he should reach over and get her notebook for her but then Lizzie moves her face to his neck and mouths three words into the skin there.

(Red has to suppress a shiver at the sensation of her lips on his skin.)

Stay with me?

Red’s not sure how he understands these non-verbal words from her but somehow, they are perfectly clear and he is answering before he even realizes it.

“Yes, of course, Lizzie.”

He feels her give a little sigh of relief and his heart squeezes painfully. She needs him here to comfort her and that’s all he’s ever wanted.

(In what universe would he say no?)

“Here, let’s get you settled…” he murmurs, disentangling from her gently, squeezing her hand when she gives a weak little whimper at the loss of contact. “Just a minute, sweetheart,” he assures her.

He gets up from the bed to retrieve the box of tissues and bottle of water from her dresser, thankful for his foresight in leaving them. He gives her a handful of tissues and opens the water for her while she hastily dries her face. He makes her take a few sips before pushing her notebook aside to make room the new items, just in case she needs them during the night, or whatever’s left of it.

He then sets to work on her blankets, gently extricating the soft blue one that became tangled around her and ushering her under the covers instead, taking an extra minute to fluff her pillow, which makes her crack a tiny smile.

(He can’t help but feel ridiculously proud of that.)  

Only once Red is sure Lizzie is completely comfortable and ready for sleep again does he move around to the other side of the bed and gingerly lay down next to her. He throws her blue blanket over himself (trying to ignore the residual heat and scent lingering there), not wanting to intrude on her space by joining her under the covers, but he has barely gotten settled before she is grabbing his arms and tugging them back around her, turning in bed so she is facing him, tucking her head underneath his chin.

(The actual warmth and scent of her is so much better than the pitiful remnants on the blanket that he can’t help but pull her little closer, closing his eyes and wishing that he never has to move.)

He waits for her to relax, feeling her let out a deep breath and close her eyes, before pressing a few desperate kisses into her soft, sweet-smelling hair.

He feels intense anger towards the people who did this to her but he pushes it away firmly, not wanting to sully this time with Lizzie. They have been dealt with and there is no point in dwelling on it. He needs to focus on caring for Lizzie. He will protect her, as he always has.

(Even if it’s from her own dreams.)

With that last comforting thought, his eyes drift close as he curls himself protectively around Lizzie, finally feeling able to sleep, here with her in his arms.

(It feels so right.)

She has no more nightmares.

Liz wakes slowly from a dead sleep, feeling groggy and disoriented, struggling to remember where she is and why her head feels so fuzzy. She blinks with difficulty, her eyelids feeling heavy and weighed down. Ugh. Something happened last night, she’s sure of it, it’s lingering on the edges of her consciousness, she just can’t quite remember what it is…she was scared, she had a nightmare, and Red…

Red.

Liz whips around to find herself alone in bed.

Where is Red?

She starts to panic, about to cry out helplessly, when she hears noise from the kitchen.

Red is in the kitchen. Oh. Red is making breakfast.

Liz flops back down onto the bed, covering her face with her hands, trying to get the frantic beating of her heart under control.

She’s so pathetic, descending into a panic attack just because Red isn’t glued to her side every second of the day. She should be able to function by herself, she shouldn’t need him there to sleep, for God’s sake.

She pulls her hands away from her face, heaving a big sigh. She turns onto her side to face her nightstand, spying the tissues and water Red left there last night for her.

(Thoughtful man.)

Liz knows she shouldn’t need Red’s presence to function, she shouldn’t be so dependent. But she hasn’t slept as well as she did last night in…well, over a year. And why shouldn’t she do whatever is necessary to feel better, within reason, anyway? It’s not like she’s going around murdering people and calling it therapy. She just needs the support and love of one person who seems more than willing to help her. Is that so bad?

No, Liz reasons with herself, it’s not. There is nothing wrong with seeking help in a form she sees fit. And that form is Red.

Red.

He was so wonderful last night, consoling her, taking care of her, protecting her, no questions asked.

(She was scared, reliving her accident all over again, and his warmth was the only thing that drove the fear away.)

Lying there in bed, Liz is successfully shedding any guilt she feels about needing Red to feel better but she still feels so endlessly grateful to him for everything he’s done. How will she ever thank him?

Liz sighs again, pushing herself up to sit on the edge of her bed, attempting to run a hand through her hair, which she’s sure is a sight to behold, twisted every which way and halfway out of her ponytail.

Ugh.

She needs the bathroom.

Liz stands carefully (feeling immensely proud of herself when she manages to stand and stay standing without holding onto anything) and makes it successfully to the spacious bathroom. She completes her morning rituals, deciding to forgo a shower until later, settling for washing her face and brushing out her hair. As an afterthought, she picks one of the many sweet-smelling perfumes that are lined up on the wide vanity.

Peach blossom.

(She hopes Red will like it.)

When she’s finished, she wanders back out into her bedroom to perch on the side of her bed again, picking up her notebook and uncapping her pen.

She wants to thank Red somehow, through some grand, eloquent written statement, something that could perhaps begin to convey all the gratitude she feels towards him.

Good morning, Red, thank you for helping me –

No, too impersonal.

Red, thank you so much –

Too serious.

Hey, Red, thanks for last night –

No, no, no. She scribbles that one out quickly, feeling her face heat in a blush. She rolls her eyes at herself.

Ugh, this is ridiculous. Liz tosses her notebook back on her nightstand, groaning internally. How is she supposed to express eternal gratitude through writing, those things need to be spoken.

But she can’t speak.

Liz squeezes her eyes shut, wrapping her arms around her middle.

She feels so broken.

But she doesn’t want to cry right now, her eyes are swollen and puffy enough from last night. She needs to go to Red. Red will help her feel better. She’ll find some way to thank him. Besides, this is Red.

(He’d burn down the world for her.)

Liz pushes up from the bed in a rush, not wanting to give herself any more time to think, and heads to the kitchen.

She finds Red there, as she suspected, fixing breakfast. She wanders in quietly (not being able to speak gives one a certain stealth) and he doesn’t hear her at first so she takes the rare opportunity to lean on the door way unnoticed and watch him.

He is bustling around the kitchen, happy as a clam, humming quietly to himself. The first thing she notices is his attire. At the hospital, he always wore some variation of a three-piece suit, sometimes sans vest or jacket. Today, to her surprise, he’s gone casual. He’s wearing worn jeans and a long sleeve gray t-shirt.

The sight of him, dressed like that, fixing breakfast? It feels utterly domestic.

(She is filled with warmth from head to toe and she’s not entirely sure it has nothing to do with the view that those jeans provide. She blushes.)

He seems very busy, opening cabinets and fetching ingredients. She sees that he has three or four things cooking at the same time and, of course, seems to be managing them all in perfect harmony. (Liz can’t help but cringe. If that was her, everything would either be on fire or on its way there.) As she watches, he sprinkles cheese on scrambled eggs, flips sausage patties over, checks bacon, and pushes toast down in the toaster. Liz can’t help but stand there and just smile at him, working so diligently to make them food. She always figured he’d be a good cook.

He flips a waffle in the air.

She rolls her eyes, grinning.

And a show off.

He notices her then, standing silently in the door way, watching him with what she is sure is a very fond smile on her face.

“Lizzie!” he calls happily. She feels her heart stutter at his obvious joy, feels a little as though she’s taking actual physical strength from his smile. “Good morning! Did you sleep well last night?”

It’s obvious that he’s ignoring her whole…episode, probably trying to spare her the embarrassment, and she’s grateful. She nods shyly in answer to his question and he beams.

“Good,” he says, softer now. “Well, come and sit down, breakfast is almost ready!”

Liz perches at the breakfast bar, her chin on her hand, and watches as Red flits around the kitchen with a new energy, placing breakfast things in front of her, chatting non-stop all the while.

“– and I wasn’t completely sure what you preferred for breakfast, other than knowing that you abhor pancakes, of course –”

Silverware and napkins.

“– so, there’s none of those but I chanced it with waffles, I hope that’s alright, I am fairly optimistic about those but, after all, what are waffles but pancakes with syrup pockets so –”

Cup of coffee, already prepared, just as she likes it.

(He’s nervous.)

“– just in case, I made eggs as well, I figured scrambled with cheese would be alright, though I know I prefer over-easy myself and –”

Glass of orange juice.

“– I wasn’t sure about your likes on the breakfast meat front so I made a little of everything, sausage and bacon, both turkey and full fat, quite indulgent, I assure you –”

Plate overflowing with breakfast food.

“– and, of course, I made some toast, the breakfast food staple, always a safe bet so –”

Liz’s hand darts out and grabs his wrist before he can get away again. He stops and turns to look at her, eyes wide and strangely pleading.

(He was hoping she would stop him.)

She gently strokes his hand and smiles and she can see him relax, the tension and anxious excitement draining out of him.

Thank you, she mouths at him.

A smile slowly blooms on his face, growing into a beautiful, sacred thing, and he turns his hand around in hers to grip back.

(He knows she’s not just talking about breakfast.)

Looking at him now, Liz is suddenly sure that this was the right way to thank him. Just simple and sincere. Real. She doesn’t necessarily owe Red anything. He’s here caring for her because he wants to be and that says it all.

“You’re welcome, Lizzie,” he murmurs, love in his eyes.

The moment ends and they let each other go for the moment. He sets about fixing himself a plate, his movements no longer rushed and agitated. He sits down across from her at the bar and they enjoy their breakfast together, Red talking and Liz nodding or shaking her head, laughing and giving him looks that he interprets perfectly. She marvels at how they can still communicate, even when her notebook is sitting untouched in her bedroom.

(And she doesn’t miss how Red watches her eat, taking note of what she consumes with gusto and what she politely puts to the side of her plate. She has a feeling tomorrow’s breakfast will be filled with her favorites.)

It’s the most wonderful morning she’s had in a year.

(Things settle after that first breakfast 

They adjust to living together in next to no time at all, sinking into a routine with little effort, enjoying the search for things to do to occupy their days, here by the lake.

Together.)

To make the whole transition easier, Red took the liberty of having all of their hospital board games transported to the lake house, thinking Lizzie might want some familiar activities to engage in.

He was right.

They spend their afternoons at the house playing game after game, Red playfully taunting Lizzie while she writes snide comments back in her notebook. Red enjoys seeing Lizzie get to express her more competitive side and he gets a thrill out of watching her calculate her next move, her features set and determined.

(He has lost more than a few games because he was distracted by the intense focus of her icy blue eyes.

He sees Lizzie smirk after one of his particularly foolish moves in chess and wonders vaguely if she’s doing it on purpose. He tries to find it in himself to care.)

Red also had the house stocked with some games that he and Lizzie didn’t have access to in the hospital. With a whole, albeit relatively small, house to themselves, he didn’t see any reason why they shouldn’t branch out a little with all their new space and time.

He discovers through trial and error that Lizzie has no patience for jigsaw puzzles, at least not at first. He has always had a fondness for them and keeps an unfinished one on a small glass table in the living room at all times, tempting him to finish it if Lizzie is napping or reading. She sees him working at them often enough that, one day, with no warning, she plops down across the table from him with a world-weary sigh and sets to work.

She finishes it within half an hour.

He had simply gone to make some sandwiches for them (ham and swiss on rye for him and turkey and provolone on pumpernickel for Lizzie), telling her to feel free to keep working on it, he’d be right back to help her. When he’d returned, there she was, idly examining her nails, the completed puzzle laid out neatly in front of her.

When Red had spluttered and asked in disbelief how exactly she had managed to finish the better part of a one-thousand-piece jigsaw in under an hour she had simply shrugged and wrote in her notebook.

I’m trained to see patterns in things, Red. Puzzles like this are easy for me.

He realizes after that that it’s not that Lizzie has no patience for jigsaw puzzles, it’s that she’s simply bored by them.

(He wonders if she will ever stop stunning him.)

They stick to classic board games after that, though Liz respects Red’s interest in a causal puzzle laying unfinished on the table, to be picked at little by little.

After one particularly invigorating game of Monopoly, (“You should really sell me Park Place, Lizzie, it’s a fabulous financial decision, I assure you.” I’m gonna tell you where you can park your place if you don’t stop asking me.) Lizzie offers to teach Red mancala. She found a board and stones in the auxiliary game closet and, when she’d held it up to suggest a game, Red had to admit that he didn’t know how to play.

Instead of looking put out, Lizzie had been thrilled at the prospect of teaching him something, grabbing her notebook and writing an enthusiastic message for him.

You’ve never played this?! Wow! I finally found something!

(He tries to ignore how his heart skips a beat at reading that.)

Sam taught me how to play this when I was around 13, I think, and we used to play every day when I came home from school! It’s lots of fun and it’s really easy to learn! Don’t worry, I’ll show you!

It’s one of the longest messages she’s written him of late and he is thrilled to see her so excited about something, not minding at all that it’s technically at his expense. How can he?

She wants to teach him something.

Lizzie takes that afternoon to carefully write out all the rules of the game in her notebook, even writing the whole thing out a second time because “the first time was barely legible, just wait, I can do better.” She goes so far as to tear the pages out of her notebook so he can keep them for reference. Red studies the rules, asking questions to clarify, while Lizzie writes out quick answers for him.

Once she’s sure he’s got the basics down, Lizzie jumps right into their first game and Red can’t help but chuckle delightedly at her eagerness. She demonstrates every move, her motions slow and exaggerated so he can see how it’s done. He catches on quickly and soon they are playing happily, Lizzie winning every game. Red doesn’t care.

The real victory is Lizzie applying herself to something.

Red is so encouraged by this that, once the novelty of mancala wears off, he offers to teach Lizzie poker. He thinks this will keep her mind active and engaged. She is excited to learn, tasking herself with memorizing the rules and playing practice games with Red. She understands the fundamentals with no problem – Lizzie is an incredibly intelligent woman, after all – but Red thinks that he probably shouldn’t take her to Vegas.

Lizzie has an awful poker face.

(Her tongue peeks out from between her lips whenever she has a good hand. Red thinks that it’s the most adorable tell he’s ever seen.)

One deck of cards keeps them occupied for days as they rotate between poker, solitaire, rummy, and blackjack. Lizzie loves it, thrilled with the challenge. Red preens inside.

Those doctors don’t know what they’re talking about.

Lizzie takes to leaving letters and notes around the house for Red, a habit which, if he wasn’t already completely head over heels in love with her, surely would have sealed the deal.

They vary in length, content and style, sometimes full pages of beautiful cursive carefully removed from her notebook detailing how much she loves the house or the area or the selection of perfumes he purchased for her.

(He’s gets particular enjoyment out of guessing which one she’s wearing on any given day, subtly sniffing as she walks past him, hoping he’s being inconspicuous enough.)

Other days she leaves little post-it notes for him in odd places around the house with cute messages or silly drawings. He finds pink notes on the fridge with complements on his latest cooking, yellow notes on the cover of his current book reminding him what he should read next, blue notes stuck to the table in the living room taunting him for losing their latest game of Scrabble on the word “veritable”.

He adores finding her handwritten gifts left around the house for him. He knows that it’s probably primarily a way for Lizzie to practice her writing but she’s also told him that she knows how much he likes spontaneity and she wants him to know she’s grateful for him and what he does for her. He tells her he already knows but he likes the fact that she does it because she genuinely wants to. The thought warms his heart.

(It makes him feel loved.)

Some days they read, curled up in the library all day with their respective books, drinking warm beverages, snacks within reach, happy to just be occupying the same space. Lizzie prefers the genres of romance and suspense while he errs more towards non-fiction and historical.

(They complement each other.)

Lizzie doesn’t usually ask him to read to her anymore, not now that she’s out of the hospital and able to pick and choose her own books, perfectly happy to sit sideways in a comfortable armchair, long legs slung over the armrest, absentmindedly twirling strands of her hair around a finger as she reads, sometimes mouthing the words to herself.

(Red doesn’t think she notices but he does.)

Lizzie does sometimes ask him to read at night, when she’s too tired to do any particular task but not quite tired enough to sleep. She usually picks a random book in another language, one he’s fluent in, and he reads to her while she dozes in and out of sleep. She’s written and told him that she finds the unfamiliar cadences of French or Farsi just unengaging enough that she can listen passively, without getting caught up in the story and avoiding sleep.

(Sometimes Red deviates from whatever he’s reading, knowing she won’t notice the difference, and croons to her in Russian or Arab or the language of the night how much he adores her, her strength and her drive. She doesn’t know and he’ll never tell her.)

When either of them finish a book, they’ll summarize it for the other over a meal. Red tells her of the lives of World War II generals or the plight of global climate change or the role of woman in East African society, his hands gesturing wildly, so absorbed in her rapt attention as he explains that he sometimes forgets to actually eat. Lizzie giggles, one of the precious few sounds she can still make, and just points to his plate, nudging it toward him with a smile.

(He loves it when she does that.)

Since Lizzie can’t verbally tell him of the books she reads, she’ll sometimes write out the plot in her own words in her notebook, both to test her memory and to share it with Red. He reads her summary and asks questions about the characters while she lounges with her feet in his lap, curious about her opinions on this love triangle and that murderer. Through her quick writing, he learns more about her psychological knowledge and personal thoughts on life and love. It is a fascinating window to her mind that he cherishes.

(He loves her.)

It is an exciting day when Lizzie shows Red the book.

She comes hurrying into the kitchen from the library where she had drifted one of her traces to find him doing early dinner prep and she smiles widely, waving a small hardcover book.

“What’s that?” Red asks genially, already mimicking her smile unconsciously.

Liz hands him the book and points excitedly to the cover which reads in plain, academic letters: “Shorthand Manual”.

“A book about shorthand?” Red reads, surprised. “Whatever do you need this for, Lizzie? I can read your writing just fine, you know that.”

But Lizzie is already bending over the counter, scrawling a note to him in her notebook. He peers over her shoulder to read it.

I know but a more concise language will be easier and faster for me to write! This’ll make it even easier to communicate!

She looks so happy, taking the book back from him and hopping up at the bar to start reading and practicing while keeping him company as he makes dinner, that he can’t help but smile and nod along with her.

But Red also feels a tingling in the back of his mind telling him that this is a bad idea. He turns away from Lizzie and back to the pan of onions he is sautéing, frowning to himself. All of a sudden, Dr. Lauflin’s words come back and start to echo in his ears.

“She must speak, Mr. Kershaw.”

Red glances over his shoulder at Lizzie, who feels his gaze on her (as she always does) and looks up at him, flashing him a blinding smile before turning back to her book. Red continues to gaze at her for a moment before shaking his head to himself and turning back to the onions.

Nothing that makes Lizzie that happy can be bad for her. Perhaps she just needs to get her confidence up with some shorthand and then she’ll be ready to try speaking again. Yes, surely that’s all.

She’ll be fine. He’ll make sure of it.

In the meantime, he’ll call Dembe and ask him to bring a copy of the shorthand manual when he visits.

It seems that Red has some catching up to do.

At night, they watch movies.

This was something they’d never done together before, since there was no TV in Lizzie’s hospital room, (and she hadn’t exactly invited him over for movie night before her accident), but they take to the joint activity like fish to water.

(Red had the house stocked with about 200 different genres of films in the hopes that this would happen. He’s always wanted to watch movies with Lizzie.)

Somehow, it was completely normal for them to climb into Lizzie’s bed, blankets and pillows creating a warm, safe cocoon around them, popcorn and drinks to share, and watch a movie on the TV in Lizzie’s bedroom.

They take turns, alternating in genres, with Red picking one night and Lizzie picking the next. Sometimes they pick serious informational movies, which Red delights in providing context for. Sometimes they pick romances that Lizzie likes and Red makes sure to have tissues on hand for any emotional scenes. And sometimes they pick silly movies for the sheer purpose of laughing at them. Red will make fun of the characters and, if Lizzie knows the movie, sometimes she’ll make him laugh by writing the actor’s lines in her notebook before they say them.

But Red’s favorite part of movie nights is the contact.

After the first movie or two, Red had found himself with his arms full of Lizzie not half an hour in, leaning back against his chest or resting her head on his shoulder and usually always holding his hand. Sometimes she even lets him play with her hair, his fingers gently stroking through the soft dark locks, her eyes drifting closed at the pleasant sensation.

But Red doesn’t think he’s ever been happier than when he is lying in bed with Lizzie, without a care in the world, feeling the warmth length of her body pressed up against his.

(Except perhaps when Lizzie tugs him wordlessly to lay his head in her lap or against her shoulder. Then all he can do is just sigh contentedly and treasure every second.)

Once their movie is over for the night, Red doesn’t bother leaving Lizzie’s room. Ever since that first awful night, Red stays, sleeping wrapped around Lizzie in her bed until the sun comes up, keeping the nightmares away.

Red didn’t ever think he’d be privy to the sacred knowledge that comes with sleeping in the same bed as Lizzie. He now knows that she likes to pull her hair back in a ponytail to sleep to keep it from getting tangled, she likes to fall asleep on her side but she almost always wakes up on her stomach, and sometimes she has dreams and pulls him closer, letting out a breath in a huff that almost sounds like mumbled words, her fingers grasping for him, only settling when she can hear his heartbeat.

(He loves her so much that it hurts.)

Another exceptional aspect of their new lifestyle, in this little house by the lake, is everyday touch. Liz has become extremely tactile with Red in ways she never was before her accident. Red suspects it is a combination of their greatly improved communication and comfort level and Lizzie’s lack of speech.

(He also suspects he’d have to be crazy to mind it.)

He finds Lizzie using touch to replace words. She rubs his biceps and forearms to thank him for little things, she pats his thighs or calves to get his attention, she wiggles her fingers against his sides to tickle and tease him.

(He loves it.)

Red is tactile by default and touch has always been an important part of relationships for him. Except with Lizzie. He had always been sure to tread carefully where she was concerned, especially when they first started working together and their interactions were tainted by her animosity and resentment for him. He refrained, at least most of the time and always with great difficulty, from patting her arm to console her or touching the small of her back to usher her through doors ahead of him, when he wouldn’t have given it a second thought in anyone else’s company.

But Lizzie is special.

(She always has been.)

Before her accident, Red had long since resigned himself to a strictly professional relationship with Lizzie but that didn’t mean he didn’t long to be free to touch her in all his normal ways.

The way things developed between them after she woke up left Red quite in the lurch. Her casual touches to his hands and arms from her hospital bed were something to be cherished in case she saw fit to stop at any time after being released, which he had fully expected. But now, now, those treasured hospital touches are chaste and formal compared to what they have now.

Because it is not a normal day if Lizzie is not, at some point, plastered against his side or tucked under his arm, soft and warm and wonderful. Whether it’s during their games, their reading, or their movies, they are hardly ever physically apart.

Red is well aware that these close interactions are anything but sexual (though he perhaps would have considered them as such in any other situation) and the thought truly doesn’t cross his mind. He and Lizzie are busy adjusting to this new, quiet, personal lifestyle they have here in this house by the lake and it’s just not sexual or romantic in nature. It’s something different and not at all unpleasant. It has all the intimacy and connectedness of a marriage or long partnership, without the sex. And that’s just fine with Red. He is happy here with Lizzie, helping her recover and function independently again.

And if their new closeness were to develop at some point into romantic territory, it would be strictly on Lizzie’s terms and complete gift to Red. But he doesn’t mind. He’s happy with what they have, which he knows is so much more than he deserves.

(And if something bothers him about the way Lizzie clings to him in her sleep, like he’s the only thing keeping her tethered to the earth, he shoves away clinical words like “dependency” and “depression” and “unhealthy” from his mind, and holds her tighter.)

Lizzie has her bad days too.

They are usually rainy days, when they can hear the rain pattering on the roof and see it making little indentations on the surface of the lake as it falls. On these days, Red watches as Lizzie drifts away from him, all alone in her head, sitting in front of the window, staring blankly outside.

Red worries about her on those cold days, sitting there, wrapped up in a hoodie that’s too big for her, notebook lying next to her abandoned, looking small and sad. The doctor’s words about depression come back to him in full force but he pushes them away vehemently.

Lizzie isn’t depressed. Everyone has days like that sometimes.

(Don’t they?)

Besides, Red knows how to make her feel better. He moves around quietly in the kitchen, making them some hot tea with honey and lemon or hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream. When it’s piping hot and comforting, he takes it to wherever Lizzie is curled up and silent and watches as she comes out of her trance and turns to him, her eyes brightening as she sees him coming towards her.

He watches her come back to life.

(He doesn’t even really need the drink after he sees that look from her, warmth spreading from head to toe inside him at her loving gaze.)

She thanks him in her way – with a grateful smile and a pat on the nearest part of him – and they spend the day enjoying their drinks and talking about anything and everything in that new way of theirs, Red speaking slowly and softly to her and Liz writing neatly in her notebook in answer.

They talk about anything now, moving from subject to subject without any trouble, going from favorite colors to college courses to hopes and dreams. They share details about their childhoods and growing up, Lizzie spending afternoons writing out story after story of her and Sam and the things they did, Red sitting with his arms around her, reading over her shoulder as she goes.

(Red is so familiar with her now, in ways he has never been before, that he can almost guess what she’s about to write before she writes it, taking in her expression and body language, the tears or sparkle in her eyes. He treasures this new mental connection more than anything else in the world.)

When Lizzie doesn’t feel like writing, she’ll put her notebook to one side and just listen to Red talk, sometimes loudly with many topic changes and laughter, regaling her with tales of the people he’s met and experiences he’s had, or sometimes softly and with deep feeling that she can only close her eyes and absorb, her head resting comfortably in Red’s lap, his gentle fingers in her hair.

(On those days, he talks about deeper things, like how it feels to see the sun rise over the Eiffel Tower and the sun fall in Iceland. He stops himself from telling her about he it feels to look at her because, after all, those things are one and the same.)

Red thinks, of all the wonderful times they are spending together, these kinds of days may be his favorite. The rain gives them a blanket of tranquility and peacefulness they can lay under for hours, just being together with nothing to disturb them, no blacklisters, no taskforce, no enemies.

Just them.

It’s so different from that awful helplessness he had suffocated under while she was in her coma and that time that feels a whole world away now, an awful nightmare, the memory of which just makes them cling closer to each other.

(When they’re together like this, everything else fades away, that strange uneasiness that Red feels at Lizzie’s silence shoved away into the back of his mind. Lizzie needs him, here with her, just as he needs her. She’ll be fine.

Won’t she?)

Red receives a call from Dembe, who tells Red that he will arrive for a visit next week, bringing food and supplies. Red can’t wait. It’s been a month since he’s seen his brother and he has missed him. He loves every second of his time with Lizzie, of course, but it will be nice to give Dembe a hug, play a game of chess or two, and catch up.

Red tells Lizzie the news, nearly bursting with excitement, expecting her to be pleased.

She likes Dembe.

However, Lizzie merely smiles faintly and wanders off to sit on the couch, wrapping her arms around her knees and looking out the window. Red frowns. Why isn’t Lizzie happy to hear Dembe is visiting?

(Why isn’t Lizzie happy?)

Well, Red reasons, maybe she’s just having a bad day, and he sets about making some hot tea for her. That will help.

(Won’t it?)

Dembe sees the lake house come into view around the bend of the driveway and sighs in relief.

He’s tired of being in the car.

It’s been a long drive from the city, where he was making phone calls, attending meetings and approving transactions for Raymond. He’s been fully running the things for nearly a year now in Raymond’s stead, standing in as a temporary replacement for the Concierge of Crime. Although, it been so long that the criminals in Raymond’s circle as starting to wonder whether he’s coming back at all. That’s one of the things Dembe plans on addressing with Raymond while he is here visiting.

But first, a warm bed will do just fine.

He pulls up to the house, admiring the picturesque view of the lake, the setting sun reflecting off the flat surface, and parks the car with a low sigh. He looks toward the house as he turns the car off, seeing the curtains on the front windows flick and, a second later, the front door swings open. Raymond stands in the doorway, smiling broadly. Dembe grins back and quickly gets out of the car.

He has missed Raymond.

Raymond laughs happily and hurries down the steps and off the porch towards him, letting him stretch languorously before wrapping his arms around him in a hug. Dembe chuckles and hugs him back enthusiastically, patting him on the back, and letting himself be cradled by the older man.

Raymond is the only man on Earth that could possibly fill the shoes of both a father and a brother for Dembe. He’ll never understand how Raymond took on both roles so naturally.

(Raymond is also his dearest friend.)

Raymond eventually pulls back, giving Dembe a kiss on the cheek, and Dembe can see Liz over Raymond’s shoulder, standing on the porch. Dembe waves at her and she gives a little wave back but she does not move forward to greet him. Dembe frowns a little to himself in confusion.

Liz stands there, her arms wrapped around her midriff, wearing a worn hoodie that looks several sizes too big for her. The fabric drowns her thin form and makes her look distinctly unhealthy as she stands framed in the light from inside the house, spilling onto the porch and out onto the lawn through the open door.

Raymond claps Dembe on the shoulder, drawing his attention away from Liz, and gets his bag from the passenger side of the car, throwing it over his shoulder and telling him to leave the supplies he brought until morning. Dembe nods and follows him up to the porch. He stops in front of Liz and smiles warmly at her.

Despite how she looks, it is good to see her. He hopes she is doing well.

“Hello, Elizabeth,” Dembe says quietly. “How are you?”

But Liz only smiles and nods shyly, drifting to Raymond’s side, where her fingers reach for his hand and he takes it without a word, chatting to Dembe all the while.

A sense of unease prickles at the back of Dembe’s neck.

He may have just gotten here but he feels that he doesn’t need much more than a few minutes to see that all is not quite right with Liz.

When Raymond leads him to his bedroom that night, Dembe is rather confused to find himself in Raymond’s room. Having furnished and decorated the house himself, per Raymond’s instructions, he is extremely surprised that Raymond would think he can fool him.

“And you’ll be sleeping in here, my friend, you’ll be comfortable?”

Dembe has slept in far less pleasant places than a large bedroom with a kind sized bed and a flat screen TV. His comfort is not the issue.

“Raymond, this is your room. I will not have you sleeping on the couch.”

Raymond frowns, genuinely confused, before seeing his error and saying what is probably the last sentence Dembe ever expected to leave his mouth.

“Oh no, Dembe, I won’t be sleeping on the couch, don’t worry. Lizzie and I share.”

Dembe just blinks, not believing his ears.

“You and Elizabeth share…a room?” he questions hopefully.

Raymond then has the grace to look a little uncomfortable.

“Uh, no. A bed,” he says, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “Lizzie…she has nightmares if she sleeps alone.”

Dembe simply stares at him in silence.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Dembe, it’s not at all what you think. You should have heard her screaming our first night here. She was almost inconsolable. I…I can’t leave her. We both sleep better if we’re together.”

“Yes, I imagine so.”

“Dembe,” Raymond is then uncharacteristically stern, frowning at him in a chastising manner Dembe feels is absolutely out of place in the given the circumstances. “It’s not like that, alright? We just sleep. Lizzie’s not ready for…anything like that. It’s strictly platonic so don’t go getting any ideas. Understand?”

Dembe just shakes his head, befuddled but too tired to deal with matters like these tonight, and bids Raymond a good night.

He’ll figure it out in the morning.

The next morning Dembe wakes, fresh from a good night’s sleep and he decides to take the next day to observe Raymond and Liz. After all, he is not one for making rash judgements and he does not want to jump to any false conclusions, not when there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for Liz’s behavior last night. And Raymond and Liz sharing a bed. Platonically.

Dembe is skeptical.

After waking, he wanders to the kitchen to find Raymond and Liz awake, Raymond cooking and Liz sitting at the bar watching. Raymond refuses any offer of help with breakfast so Dembe takes a seat next to Liz at the bar, perching on a stool and smiling at her.

“It’s good to see you looking so well, Elizabeth.”

(It’s a bit of a fib but a complement never hurt anyone, especially someone who is in Liz’s condition.)

But just like last night, Liz only smiles at him in thanks. Then, she surprises him by turning to a notebook sitting next to her on the counter and starting to write. It takes a moment but then she pushes the notebook to him across the counter and points very obviously at the sentence she’s written there, her letters painstakingly neat and comically large, clearly trying to make it easy for him to read.

Thank you. How was your drive up?

Dembe’s heart sinks at his eyes flit over the words.

Elizabeth is still not speaking.

He is now officially worried.

“The drive was fine, thank you, Elizabeth,” he manages to say quietly, through the sadness pulling at him.

She just nods happily, oblivious, and, evidently meeting some personal quota for daily socializing, goes back to watching Raymond cook.

Dembe can’t believe it.

He heard Dr. Lauflin confront Raymond in the last days before Liz was discharged from the hospital, though he is not sure that Raymond knows that. He knows how important it is that Liz tries to speak. He knows what bad news it is that she’s not.

This does not bode well.

Dembe continues to observe as Raymond makes breakfast, a big celebratory fry up of eggs, potatoes, bacon, toast, and coffee, all the while keeping up a running commentary to Liz, who occasionally lets out a little giggle or huff, while Raymond turns back repeatedly to look at her, gauging her expression and guessing what she’s thinking by looking at her. Occasionally, Liz will scribble a note for Red in her notebook and he will glance at it as he passes by her seat at the bar, chuckling and responding to what he sees there.

Dembe manages a glance at one of the notes, clearly not meant for his eyes, and finds it completely illegible to him. He squints at the small, neat row of symbols, nothing like the large, obvious print that Liz had taken pains to write for him, and, with a shock, he realizes it is shorthand.

Then the shorthand manual Raymond had requested he bring with him was not purely for educational purposes or, at the worst, a resource to assist Liz with communication while she practiced speaking, as Dembe had foolishly assumed.

She is using it as her sole method of communication with Raymond.

Things are worse than Dembe thought.

Dembe continues to watch Raymond and Liz throughout the afternoon, saying little, choosing a random book from the library and picking a chair in the living room, pretending to read while watching Raymond and Liz play an assortment of board games together, something that is clearly a long-standing ritual.

It’s only when Liz jumps for the fourth time when Dembe gently clears his throat that he realizes that the only human contact Liz had is with Raymond. While in the hospital, she had largely refused to communicate with the team of doctors assigned to her daily care, preferring to be only in Raymond’s company.

At the time, Dembe had been pleased to see it. He knew Raymond had long-since desired the attention from her and wanted nothing more than to help nurse her back to health.

(Raymond had suffered greatly while Elizabeth was asleep.)

As far as Elizabeth went, Dembe had assumed she just needed time. After all, she was very badly injured in her accident and, as Raymond is fond of telling him, Rome wasn’t built in a day. It is only natural that she should need time to recover. And who better to spend that time with than Raymond, the man who loves her to the ends of the Earth, who would do anything for her?

Yes, at the time, Dembe saw nothing wrong with how things were.

But it has clearly gone too far.

Liz is nothing like the confident, assertive woman Dembe knew before her accident. What he sees now is a timid, uncertain woman who has only one thing left in life to rely on: Raymond.

The level of reliance Dembe can see she has developed is distinctly unhealthy.

Raymond and Elizabeth are always touching, their hands always in contact at the very least, their bodies in contact if at all possible. Liz constantly checks for Raymond, even if he’s right next to her at the table and hasn’t moved in the last hour, she checks for him, like she needs to be reassured of his presence. Raymond, for his part, is aware of her uncertainty, perhaps unconsciously, and, whenever he can, touches her arm or brushes her hair, giving her a smile, the touch clearly reassuring to them both.

It is almost symbiotic in nature. Dembe is not sure he has ever seen anything quite like it.

It scares him.

Of course, Dembe would be thrilled for his brother to finally have such a close relationship with the woman he has adored for so long but the circumstances bother Dembe greatly. Liz seems far too dependent upon Raymond and Raymond seems to revel in her neediness. They clearly care greatly for one another and, while the relationship is completely consensual in its way and neither one is necessarily taking advantage of the other, the relationship still seems very unbalanced.

Dembe sighs, watching warily as Red crows in delight at winning their current game of dominoes while Lizzie giggles in that strange, voice-less way of hers. She shoves him playfully at his unsportsmanlike behavior and Red topples over dramatically, pulling her down with him onto the floor, cradling her against his chest all the while, pressing kisses into her hair as her eyes close, so blissfully content that it makes Dembe uncomfortable.

He must do something.

It takes two more days before Dembe can find time to talk to Raymond alone.

In that time, Dembe never hears a single word from Liz. She doesn’t even speak to Raymond. She only writes in her notebook but often just for Dembe’s benefit. She doesn’t usually have to for Raymond. He seems to know what she’s thinking just by looking at her. The level of word-less communication that has developed between them is astounding, driven by a lack of speech from Liz, but the dependence permeating the relationship is not right.

Dembe is sure of it.

Liz has no motivation to get better and Raymond doesn’t want to push her.

It is a vicious cycle.

Liz looks at Raymond as though the sun rises and sets with him, the way Raymond has always looked at her. It would be ideal for them both but for the fact that Liz needs to get better.

Things cannot go on as they are. Dembe is determined to change things for them.

(He loves them both too much to let this happen.)

“Raymond,” Dembe starts on his third evening there, sitting at the bar with Raymond, Liz asleep on the couch in the living room.

(It is the first time Liz has been anything close to being away from Raymond. She will not go to their bedroom to sleep without him. Dembe was afraid there would not be an opportunity for them to talk at all unless Liz was in the bathroom which is never enough time to address the things he needs to address between them. But, tonight, Liz fell asleep on the couch and Dembe wasted no time in asking Raymond to the kitchen for a glass of scotch.

Tonight, Dembe was lucky.)

He gets straight to the point.

“Raymond, you must see that things are not right.”

Raymond frowns at him over the rim of his scotch glass.

(He has not had scotch since Liz woke up.)

“What do you mean, Dembe?” he inquires quietly, sensing the seriousness of his tone, immediately concerned.

“I will tell you what I see between you and Elizabeth, as I always have, and I can only hope that you will hear me and make some change.”

Raymond looks truly worried now and watches him intently as he speaks.

“Elizabeth has not been speaking as the doctor told you she must. She is depressed, Raymond, and she sees only you. She is so dependent that she cannot function without you. It is not healthy, Raymond. She is not healthy.”

But Raymond is already shaking his head and Dembe sighs.

This battle will not be easily won.

“Dembe, that’s nonsense, you’ve only been here a few days, not even close to the month I’ve spent here with Lizzie. You can’t see how much she has improved and is still improving! It’s astonishing, she is truly remarkable. She’s been making great strides, believe me. She may not be speaking yet, that’s true, but that’s only because she’s not ready yet. You can’t rush something like this Dembe, she needs time.”

“It has been a month, Raymond. Do you remember what the doctor said?”

Raymond scowls at the reminder of Dr. Lauflin, whose only fault was telling Raymond things he didn’t want to hear. Dembe can sense Raymond is getting irritated with him now but he doesn’t care. He will persist until Raymond sees sense.

He must.

“The doctor said time is of the essence, Raymond,” Dembe continues. “If she does not try to speak, she will not regain her previous abilities.”

“Lizzie is fine, Dembe,” he snaps, angry now. “I’m with her every second, don’t you think I would know if something was wrong?”

“That is my point exactly,” Dembe presses, ignoring Raymond’s frustrated huff. “She doesn’t leave your side, Raymond. Don’t tell me you’re not the least bit bothered by that.”

Raymond throws back the last of his scotch angrily, wincing at the burn in a way Dembe has not seen in a long time. He has been sober for nearly a year.

“Raymond,” Dembe murmurs, pushing his glass aside and placing a gentle hand on his brother’s arm, relieved when he doesn’t immediately shrug it off. “Raymond, I only want to help.”

Dembe sees Raymond sigh, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

“I know, Dembe,” he murmurs back. “I know. And you’re right. I think I’ve known deep down that something is wrong but I’ve been afraid to see it because we’ve been so happy here, Lizzie and I, in a way I never expected.”

He looks so sad that Dembe can’t help but hurt for his brother, his father. He does love Elizabeth so.

“And you can still be happy, Raymond,” Dembe says quietly. “But first Elizabeth must get better. She cannot be so dependent on you, for her own health. I know you only want what is best for her, brother, but to have that, she needs to be pushed. She must want to get better. That is the first step.”

“Yes,” sighs Raymond, looking more tired than Dembe has seen him since he arrived. “Yes, you’re right, of course. But how do I begin?” He looks frightened and lost.

“Well, I know your interests could benefit from an appearance. I’ve been managing things while you’ve been gone, Raymond, but it’s been a long time. Your allies and enemies are getting skeptical. They think you are not coming back.”

“Maybe I’m not,” Raymond whispers, turning his gaze to Liz’s sleeping form on the couch.

Oh, Raymond.

“Maybe not,” Dembe agrees, only for the night. “But there are more graceful ways to exit. Come back and make an appearance. The time is not right to retire yet.”

Raymond nods sadly.

“There is a meeting not far from here tomorrow,” Dembe says gently. “Nothing dangerous, just a few low-life thugs that need a talking to. They’re getting ideas since you haven’t been around to…assert your influence. I was going to drop in on them on my way back to the city. Why don’t you go instead?”

“What about Lizzie?” Raymond says, tensing as he sees her roll over in her sleep, only relaxing once she has settled again.

Dembe watches him with sad eyes.

“I can spend the day with Elizabeth tomorrow,” he offers, truly wanting the time with Liz.

(He has come to love her as a sister through Raymond and he wants only the best for her. He would like to spend some time with her. Perhaps, with enough exposure, she will be almost as comfortable with him as she is with Raymond. Dembe thinks he would like that.)

Raymond nods, looking exhausted.

“Of course,” he sighs. “There’s no one else I’d trust with her.”

Dembe nods, happy with what was said between them tonight.

“Go to bed then, Raymond,” he says softly. “Get some sleep. You need your rest for tomorrow. I will take care of Elizabeth. You will see her again by dinner time.”

Raymond nods wearily and gives Dembe a hug in thanks before shuffling to the couch and gently waking Elizabeth. Dembe watches in silence as he helps her up and supports most of her weight, walking her gently back to their bedroom as she struggles to keep her eyes open, trusting Raymond to get her to bed safely.

Dembe knows Raymond will hold her tightly tonight.

Tomorrow will be important.

Dembe wakes early to see Raymond off, giving him the details of the meeting and allowing Raymond to talk on and on about his and Liz’s routine, what Liz likes and doesn’t like, what Dembe should do for her, before he gently interrupts him.

“…and Lizzie hates pancakes, Dembe, don’t forget, but waffles are alright. She’ll try to help you with the dishes but don’t let her, she doesn’t need to, I’ve told her a million times. We always play games in the living room in the afternoon. I’ve taught her poker and she taught me mancala and we play Monopoly when she’s feeling up to it but she’s a fiend at checkers, impossible to beat, it’s uncanny, really and –”

“Raymond…Trust me.”

“…of course. I’m sorry. I’ll see you tonight, Dembe.”

Red drives off and Dembe waits until the car is out of sight before heading back inside to start on breakfast for him and Liz.

(No pancakes.)

Eventually, the smell of food wakes Liz and she comes wandering into the kitchen, smiling faintly to see Dembe cooking instead of Red.

She looks around, searching idly for Raymond and, when she doesn’t see him anywhere, she frowns, clearly confused. She turns on her heel suddenly and hurries back to her bedroom with a sense of purpose Dembe has not seen since he arrived. A minute later she is back, notebook and pen in hand. She leans against the counter and bends over her notebook, focusing intently on writing a message, large and clear, for Dembe. He turns away from the stove and waits patiently while she writes.

When she’s finished, she turns the notebook around quickly and points to the message, her brow furrowed.

Where is Red?

Dembe nods understandingly, turning back to the stove and stirring the scrambled eggs in the pan. It makes sense that this is the first thing Liz would ask. Dembe doesn’t mind.

“Raymond has gone to take care of some business,” Dembe responds brightly. “It is just a short meeting. He will be back by dinner time. I will be keeping you company while he is away. We can do whatever you’d like after breakfast, though I understand you are unbeatable at checkers, so perhaps we can –”

Dembe glances over at Liz and abruptly stops talking.

She is standing there, eyes wide and flitting around the kitchen, with her arms tight around her waist, gasping for air. Her lips are making small, frantic movements that form Raymond’s name.

Oh no.

Dembe quickly turns off the burner under the eggs, shoving the hot pan off to the side carelessly, and hurries towards her.

“Liz? What –”

But Elizabeth is backing away from him, panicking, starting to pant and struggle for air, taking in strangled gasps, her eyes wild.

Dembe has been through enough panic attacks himself and helped Raymond through so many of them that he knows what to do. He slowly advances toward Liz, who now has tears streaming down her face and is starting to make odd whimpering noises. Dembe waits until her back thumps into the wall before darting forward and wrapping his arms snugly around her middle, holding her arms down. He knows from experience that it is better to hold a person through a panic attack, keeping their arms close to their sides to prevent them from hurting themselves or other people in their fright.

But it seems Dembe’s arms are not the ones that Liz wants.

She starts to struggle against him immediately, though Dembe has no trouble holding her. Raymond is the one she wants. Dembe imagines that his arms must feel like restraints to Liz, instead of protection, and his scent is probably unfamiliar and frightening to her, instead of comforting.

Poor Liz.

As Dembe slides to the floor holding Liz, trying in vain to comfort her, he realizes suddenly that Liz hasn’t been without Raymond since she awoke from her coma and, judging by the way she would be calling for him if she could speak, he is clearly her touchstone.

She wasn’t ready for this.

What has he done?

With one arm around Liz, holding her securely to his chest as she trembles and cries, tugging uselessly at his arm, Dembe manages to extract his cell phone from his pocket and dial Raymond on the burner phone he gave him this morning. Raymond answers through the blue tooth connection in the car, obviously still on the road.

Hopefully not far.

“Hello, Dembe, I’m not there yet, I told you I’d call when I was, why –”

“Raymond,” Dembe mutters, barely managing to hold onto Liz as she flails her free arm at the mention of Raymond’s name, nearly hitting Dembe in the head.

“What is it?” Raymond responds, suddenly urgent, put on guard by Dembe’s tone of voice and the sounds of a struggle.

“Come back, brother, she needs you,” Dembe murmurs in Arabic, not wanting to further upset Liz by speaking in a language she would understand.

“I’ll be right there,” Raymond snaps, clearly distressed and Dembe hears the squealing of tires and the revving of an engine before Raymond hangs up.

Dembe tosses the phone carelessly to the floor, knowing he won’t need it anymore, and pulls Liz tighter to his chest, hoping that perhaps she’ll get some comfort from his heartbeat and breathing, and settles in to wait for Raymond. He keeps up a constant stream of quiet words that don’t seem to help at all.

“Elizabeth, Raymond is on his way, he’ll be here soon, don’t worry…I’m so sorry, please forgive me…Raymond is coming, Liz…”

They are on the floor for an agonizing thirty-four minutes.

What feels like days later, Dembe hears the crunch of gravel as Raymond’s car speeds up the driveway. Liz hears the noise over her sniffles a second later and freezes in his arms, turning to face the door. When the car comes around the final bend in the driveway, speeding into view, Liz struggles harder than ever, pushing desperately away from Dembe and he waits for the squealing of brakes before he finally lets Liz go.

(His arms are sore.)

Liz explodes out of his arms and stumbles to her feet, managing to make it to the door and wrench it open, tears falling anew, gasping. Dembe slowly gets to his feet, feeling a year older, and follows her to stand in the doorway, watching.

“Lizzie?!”

Dembe can hear Raymond’s hoarse cry through the car door. Dembe watches as Raymond climbs out of the car and leaves the door ajar as he hurries toward Liz, who is running towards him across the drive. They collide, Liz crashing into his arms in a tearful heap, the sheer force of it propelling Raymond back a few steps until his back hits the car.

“Oh, Lizzie, I’m so sorry…”

Dembe can hear Raymond’s words from the porch and watches as Liz wraps her arms in a chokehold around Raymond’s neck, desperate for contact, and presses her face into his shoulder, inhaling deeply. Dembe can see her trembling hands taking fistfuls of Raymond’s windbreaker, her shoulders shaking in broken, soundless sobs.

Raymond’s arms are wrapped around her as well, a hand cradling the back of her head, clutching her tightly to him, seeming to gain just as much comfort from her touch as she does from his.

(For the life of him, Dembe never would have guessed.)

Raymond’s hands stroke her hair and rub her back as he murmurs soft words to her that Dembe doesn’t catch, alternating presses kisses to her face or hair.

(But never her lips, Dembe can’t help but notice. Curious.)

Dembe can see the moment when Liz finally starts to calm, her shoulders slowly lowering, the tension leaving her muscles, the trembles in her hands waning, her gasps slowing to a stop, relaxing in Raymond’s arms.

(Dembe feels horrible. This is all his fault.)

Dembe hears Raymond’s next words to Liz, slightly louder now that the time for immediate comfort has passed.

“We should go inside, Lizzie, you’re not wearing a jacket and it’s chilly out.”

Dembe can see Liz tighten her hold around Raymond’s shoulders, scared to let go of him, shaking her head minutely against his neck. Dembe can see Raymond’s expression soften even further than he thought possible, unable to deny Elizabeth.

(Dembe supposes that much hasn’t changed.)

Raymond whispers something to Liz and, after a tentative nod from her, he leans down and puts his arms under her knees, gently scooping her into his arms. Liz is so thin that she is no burden to Raymond, sitting lightly in his arms, swaying gently as he beings his walk to the house, her swollen, red eyes already starting to close in exhaustion. When Raymond makes it to the porch, cradling Liz to his chest tenderly, Dembe opens his mouth to speak.

“Raymond, I –”

But Raymond just meets his eyes and shakes his head once in one quick motion. He is not unkind but his face brooks no argument. Dembe understands and instead lowers his head and opens the door for Raymond, following him into the house as he carries Liz right to the couch in the living room and sits, placing her on his lap, holding her close to him.

She clings to him, a few stray tears still leaking out of her eyes, as Raymond smooths her hair and straightens her hoodie, murmuring to her all the while. Dembe quickly becomes uncomfortable with the intimate scene and leaves them be, returning to the kitchen to clean up the sad remains of their disastrous breakfast.

He hopes that Raymond and Elizabeth can forgive him.

By the time Dembe returns to the living room, Elizabeth has moved and is fast asleep with her head on Raymond’s lap, his fingers gently trailing through her hair. She must be exhausted. Dembe moves to sit in an armchair opposite his brother. Raymond, who had been staring dreamily at Liz’s face, looks up at him.

“Raymond, I’m so sorry,” Dembe says quietly, so as not to wake Liz, but Raymond is already shaking his head before Dembe has even finished.

“Don’t apologize,” he whispers. “I know you meant well.”

“I did,” confirms Dembe. “I never imagined…”

“I know, neither did I,” sighs Raymond, sounding drained. “But I should have known better than to move that fast. Should have gone by degrees, little by little, not all at once, she doesn’t…”

Raymond trails off, frowning, looking upset with himself.

“You couldn’t have known, Raymond,” Dembe assures him.

His gaze moves to Liz, curled up in the fetal position on the couch, taking up as little room as possible, huddling close to Raymond’s warmth, her hoodie so big that it looks like a blanket covering her.

Dembe marvels once again at how much she’s changed, at the ways that trauma can alter people.

“You are the only thing she has,” Dembe murmurs to Raymond.

At the words, Raymond’s gaze fills with love as he looks at her.

(If Dembe didn’t know it already, he wouldn’t be able to mistake that look: Raymond would do anything for the woman lying in his lap.)

“I will leave by morning,” Dembe says, breaking the silence. Raymond looks up at that, frowning at him, and opens his mouth to protest, but Dembe speaks before he can. “She needs time to recover. She will not want me here for that.”

Raymond stares at him for a moment and then gives in, lowering his head in defeat. They both know he is right.

“But, Raymond,” Dembe continues and Raymond looks back up at him. “If you cannot leave her, please encourage her to speak. I want the best for her, as you do, and I would hear her voice again.”

Red nods sadly. “I would too.”

Dembe nods. After the events of today, he knows that Raymond now sees what is best for Liz and will stop at nothing to help her.

And if anyone can help Liz heal, it is Raymond.

Dembe leaves before breakfast and Red is sad to see him go. Despite everything that happened while he was here (and Red doesn’t blame him for a second), Red is always sorry to see his brother leave. He hopes he will visit again soon.

But in the meantime, Red is on a mission.

He decides to give Lizzie a few days to recuperate from what happened, the most stressful events she has experienced since she woke up.

(Red never would have guessed that him leaving the house for a day, suddenly and without any notice, would have such an effect on Lizzie. He never would have gone if he had known he would come back to a hyperventilating Lizzie, desperate for his touch. He aches whenever he remembers her shaking form stumbling off the porch and into his arms, tears blurring her vision, and he knows he’ll never forget the whimpering noises she made.

He also knows he’ll never forgive himself.)

They spend a few comfortable days returning to their previous routines of games and reading and movies and Red wants it to last a lifetime. He knows now that things must change for them. He will be forever grateful to Dembe for showing him what he was purposefully ignoring, helping him to see how he could best help Lizzie. He now knows that Lizzie must get better and he must push her to get there but that doesn’t mean he is looking forward to it.

Red can see how comfortable and content Lizzie is here with him and Red is afraid she will resent his sudden urge to change things.

(Red gets the feeling that Lizzie could live happily here with him for a long time and that thought feels him with just as much worry as it does all-encompassing happiness. It is a strange combination.)

But if Lizzie resents him for pushing her, for wanting her to get better when she doesn’t want to herself, then he wants to cherish these last few days of complete and utter happiness he has with her. He has felt a joy he has known precious little of in his life while living here with Lizzie and he hopes, whatever happens, that she can understand just how important that is to him.

(How much he loves her.)

He holds her even more tightly than usual at night, reveling in the feel of her body curled snugly around his, content and warm and wanting him, knowing it may very well be the last time.

(He wonders if she will break him.

He thinks she may.)

They are sitting together at the bar eating a light lunch when Red decides it is time. It’s been three days and there is no point in avoiding it any longer. It won’t help either of them in the long run.

(As much as he wishes he could ignore their problems forever, he owes it to Lizzie to speak up. He can only hope she will understand.)

He takes one last longing look at Lizzie, looking beautiful in the bright, midday sunlight shining in through the window and reflecting off the lake, her dark hair framing her face and her blue eyes sparkling with happiness as she picks all the pieces of cantaloupe out of the mixed fruit Red has prepared for them.

(Red picks out all the watermelon and tries not to take it as a sign from the cosmos that they are meant to be together just because they don’t eat each other’s favorite fruit. Because that would be stupid.

Stupid, stupid heart.)

He’ll miss this so much.

“Lizzie?”

She looks up, her eyes curious, her notebook abandoned to one side while they’re eating, raising her eyebrows in her traditional gesture of acknowledgment. Red falters under her intense gaze, quickly eating a piece of pineapple to stall.

Lizzie waits patiently, popping a few grapes into her mouth, and watches him.

“Do you ever…” Red winces and then decides to just bite the bullet and get it over with. “Would you ever consider…trying to speak again?”

Lizzie looks at him oddly for a moment and then her face folds into a delicate frown, clearly confused. She reaches for her notebook which Red immediately takes as a bad sign. Anything that she can’t communicate to him through a look or a touch is surely not good news.

He watches apprehensively as she picks up her pen but she only spends a second writing before she is turning the notebook around to face him.

(He isn’t ready.)

It takes him a moment to spot the one word she’s written in her bright red pen, small and neat in the center of the page.

Why?

Red’s heart shatters in that instant, reading that one word that says everything and nothing all at the same time.

(He feels so desperately sad for her.)

He knows in that moment that Lizzie truly has no desire to ever speak again, she would be content to live in silence for the rest of her hopefully very long life and oh, how did things go so wrong?

It is as he feared. He will have to force her if he wants her to get better. And he does want her to get better. He won’t be happy until she is healthy. Until she is happy.

(It’s been that way for a long time.)

“Lizzie,” he starts, wanting to be gentle but firm at the same time. “Lizzie, things can’t go on as they have been,” she blinks at that, taken aback by his unexpected statement. He plows forward, knowing that there’s no going back now. “You need to speak again because…well, won’t you want to talk to other people at some point?”

Red feels his stomach drop as he sees tears gather in Lizzie’s eyes, sees the hurt blossom across her face, and he realizes how that sounded, so wrong. It sounded like he is tiring of her, wanting to pass her off to someone else, get rid of her.

(As if he could ever tire of her.)

“Lizzie, no, that’s not what I meant,” he hurries to tell her, quickly standing and rounding the bar to her side, pulling her up off her stool and into his arms. She goes willingly enough but he can feel her confusion and residual hurt making her tense and stiff in his arms. “Lizzie, I just mean that writing down everything you want to say isn’t a good way to go about life, you need to speak, sweetheart, don’t you miss talking? I mean…”

He prattles on and on but no he’s not making it better, he’s making it worse, he can feel it in her body, her shoulders shaking as she starts to cry, scared and confused at what must seem to her like a sudden and unwelcome turn of events. She pushes back from him, gentle but firm, staying within the circle of his arms but putting some distance between them. She looks at him, frowning, tears still spilling gently from her eyes, trying to ask all the questions she can’t say.

(He tries to answer her.)

“Lizzie, I miss your voice,” he whispers, desperate to make her understand.

He sees realization dawn in her eyes, sees the weight of it hit her all at once, sees her remember how things used to be before her accident, how she’s let herself go, how she settled for comfort and ease instead of hard work and a challenge like she once would have, how she fell victim to her depression and everything she’s been blocking out. He sees her realize what it will take to do what Red is asking and she is shaking her head, breaking free from his arms and running from him, rushing to their room.

Red lets her go, forcing himself not to cling, feeling desperately miserable as he hears the bedroom door shut between them for the first time since they’ve arrived.

(It hurts even more than he imagined.)

Liz lies on her bed in the dark, curled up on her side, her tears long since dried on her face, thinking.

It has been hours since she ran and left Red standing in the kitchen, feeling as though she left a piece of herself out there with him, and he hasn’t knocked on the door. She’s glad. She needed the time to herself.

She just couldn’t believe that Red was suggesting, completely out of the blue, that she speak. She couldn’t understand where he was coming from, why he would be saying this. She thought things had been wonderful. She was happy here, with him, reading and eating and cuddling together, it was comfortable and happy and perfect and why, oh why, did he want to ruin that?

(She thought he loved her as much as she loves him.)

But then he had said it, the thing that made it all click, that one sentence.

“Lizzie, I miss your voice.”

Thinking of it again, alone here in bed, makes a few more tears slip unbidden down her face. She realized in that instant how far she has fallen, how much she let herself go. She had fallen hard into a depression, a shadow of who she used to be, using the excuse of her accident to justify her lack of motivation for anything other than what she was strictly comfortable with: Red.

(She can’t believe it.)

And she’s spent the last few hours here, alone for the first time in a long time, thinking and, now that she’s calmed down, she knows that Red only wants what’s best for her. Of course. He wants her to get better and he wants her to want that too. And how can she be mad at him for taking care of her, like he’s always done? He wants to help her and, going forward, she’s going to need all the help she can get.

She feels a surge of resolve at the thought and pushes herself up into a sitting position in bed, sniffing weakly and dragging a tattered hoodie sleeve over her eyes.

She knows what she has to do.

Red sits in the living room in the dark, looking out the window at the surface of the lake, black in the night sky, holding a tumbler of scotch. When he had a drink with Dembe, his first glass in a long while, it had been so distasteful to him. He had thought that maybe, just maybe, he had lost his taste for it.

(He’d never have though it possible a year ago but if anyone could cure him of his mild but persistent alcoholism, it makes sense that it would be Lizzie.)

But the second he heard the bedroom door slam shut behind her, sounding an awful lot like finality, he was immediately craving the burn and scorch of alcohol, feeling that old urge to drown his sorrows.

(It seems that his fights with Lizzie are directly related to his drinking habits. He can’t say he’s surprised.)

So here he sits, more miserable than he’s been in a long time, nursing his scotch and wondering what to do without Lizzie here with him.

(The situation is horribly unfamiliar.

Maybe he’s not the only one who’s developed a dependency.)

He’s just wondering dejectedly whether he should throw together some dinner (not for him of course, he can’t stomach anything but alcohol at the moment, but Lizzie will surely be hungry soon), when he hears something behind him he didn’t think he’d ever hear again.

“Red.”

Lizzie.

He jumps at the shock of hearing another voice in the house besides his own, so hoarse and weak, and quickly stands, whirling around to see Lizzie standing there, tears dried on her face and new ones already leaking from her eyes, her hair a tangled mess, her hoodie twisted around her torso.

She’s so beautiful.

“Lizzie,” he gasps, sounding completely gutted.

They stare at one another for a moment and then, by some indistinguishable sign, they move at the same time, rushing across the room to one another, colliding in the middle in a hug that almost hurts because it feels so good.

Red presses a desperate kiss into her hair and he hears himself murmuring to her.

“That was so wonderful, Lizzie, I’m so proud of you, you did so well –”

And Liz is crying and hiccupping into his shoulder, wetting the collar of his shirt and he couldn’t be gladder. He savors the feel of her in his arms, something he was afraid he would never feel again, and then gently guides them to the couch where they sit without releasing each other. It takes a few moments but Lizzie finally calms enough to pull gently away from him, taking his hand instead. She gives a little sigh, looking worn out and exhausted, the same way Red feels, but he can tell there is something she wants to say before she can rest.

Liz looks into his eyes and raises a hand to clearly mime writing in her notebook, much like she did upon waking from her coma. Red nods hurriedly, squeezing her hand and then letting it go to rush to the kitchen and retrieve it from where she left it after their fight.

He hurries back and they link hands again automatically. Instinctively. Liz turns to a fresh page, taking a moment to smooth her hand over it in a calming manner before slowly writing one simple sentence and turning the notebook around to show him.

You’ll help me?

The innocent request, combined with the beautiful vulnerability and complete trust in Lizzie’s eyes, hits Red like a punch to the gut.

As if he would abandon her now.

(Never.)

“Oh, Lizzie, sweetheart, of course I’ll help you,” he gasps, pulling her desperately into his arms as the notebook and pen fall to the floor abandoned and she snuggles into him.

They spend a long time there, huddled together on the couch, comforting each other, making an unspoken, mutual decision to start in the morning. Tonight, Red just wants to hold her. He knows that there are hard times ahead of them, but he is comforted by the fact that he and Lizzie are now on the same page, both committed to getting her better. At least they’re in this together.

Because when they work together, they can accomplish anything.

Lizzie will speak again.

[alliswell21]

I wish you would write a fic where one half of Everlark discovers a secret about the other half...

Hi Anon, sorry it took me two lifetimes to respond to your ask… I ran into a massive case of writer’s block and then I had a baby, which actually helped get this drabble running.

I’m sorry if this isn’t quite what you expected, but hey, the prompt was opened enough 😳… hope you like it.

Unbetaed. Inspired on the extra day/night we had to stay at the hospital with my baby.

————————————————

I’m curled up in the armchair of the hospital room I’ve been occupying for the last three days. I’ve been in the same position for about an hour, the fake, green leather of the chair that has seen better days, has made every inch of my skin in direct contact with it, sticky and sweaty.

I can’t recall the last time I’ve blinked either; my eyes have watered and dried up again in an endless loop, giving me a headache I’ll be hard pressed to get rid of in days, but my pupils will stay trained in the squirmy bundle, moving in spasmodic twitches until I can look no more. My stomach has long since stopped growling with hunger, finally realizing feeding myself isn’t a priority at the moment.

There will be no force on earth that’ll move me from my spot until the blue lights bathing the whole room in its eerie glow, have finally been turned off…

“Katniss?”

Except for that voice of course.

My eyes dart to the open door, and I could cry with relief at the sight of him: stocky built, average height, ashy blond hair that falls in waves messily all over his head, and the most breathtaking blue eyes a guy could ask for. But all I do is stand up so fast I get dizzy. I’m not allowed to seek his comfort and steadiness anymore, and the distrust in his features, painfully reinforces that notion. I robbed myself of the warmth of his arms.

“You came!” I squeak nervously while taking a step towards him, I can’t stop my stupid hammering heart from hoping. Even to my ears, the relief is palpable in my voice.

“Yeah,” he says in a isn’t-it-obvious tone, “You called me and said–” that’s as far as he gets before choking up and shutting his mouth entirely; he averts those deep blues I’ve missed so much to roam all over the room instead, zeroing in on the spot my eyes had been trained on not a minute ago.

“It’s that…?” His usually smooth voice falters, and without waiting for my answer he’s crossed the room in two strides. He’s always been heavy footed, but right now he’s as swift as a gazelle.

I stand behind him, giving him ample room to look and come to terms with what he’s seeing.

“How… um… how is everything…evolving?” He asks unsure, an edge of fear in his voice that makes my heart constrict with guilt and longing.

I open my mouth to answer but before the first word can even leave my throat, there’s a soft knock on the still opened door, and in comes the best buffer I could’ve hope for.

“Miss Everdeen,” says a tired looking middle aged man, Dr. Aurelius. He’s soft spoken, but I can’t help to appreciate his bedside manners, “I just got the result of Willow’s last bili serum test.” He stops and looks past me. “You must be mr. Mellark, Willow’s father,” he states more than asks.

I look behind me, the moment of truth is here even before I expected it and not at all how I’ve planned for it. I’m sure he’d see every emotion playing on my face right now, if only he were looking at me, but his eyes are fixed on the doctor, ignoring my internal warring.

He steps forward, shaking Dr. Aurelius’ hand with his usual vigor. “Peeta Mellark, sir. Nice to meet you.”

“Ferguson Aurelius, Head Neonatologist of Panem Medical Center. I’ve heard many good things about you, son. I’m glad to finally be able to speak with the both of you about Willow’s prognosis and care plan.”

Peeta makes a sound at the back of his throat, I bite my lip in anticipation of what he’ll say next, because although the good doctor has indeed heard all kinds of good things about my baby daddy, Peeta has only learned about my little secret some 20 minutes ago, when I finally grew a spine and called him, after I was faced with the necessity of the blue lights and all the complications jaundice could bring to my three day old daughter.

I feel terrible this is what finally pushed me to seek him out and come clean about me having his baby after breaking his heart and walking away from him. Truth be told, when I found out about it, I tried calling him a thousand times, I just didn’t think he’d forgive me for walking out in him, let alone want to raise a child with me.

I was just too scared of how quick and hard I had fallen for him. I was scared of how much I needed him to reciprocate that love, and I ran before something could make my fears a reality.

I was an idiot.

“I’m sorry, sir. I’ve been working at my bakery until just now, I figured coming to the maternity ward covered in flour wasn’t the best idea.” He gives the doctor one of his self deprecating smiles, and continues, “But I came as soon as Katniss called, saying there was a problem with… little Willow.” Peeta chances a glance at me, the way he says our baby’s name, as if savoring it, lets me know he will let me have a piece of his mind soon enough.

All I can do is lower my sight to the ground, and listen to the rest of the conversation. I feel my eyes fill with tears. He won’t expose me, won’t let my secret be known, he’s still protecting me, even though I know keeping Willow’s existence from him has hurt him in the worst possible way.

“Well, thank you for being considerate to all my patients,” Dr. Aurelius says with some humor himself. Then his tone turns serious, “Are you familiar with Willow’s condition?” He asks.

“Familiar enough. I googled some stuff about it, when I got Katniss’ call.”

“Very well, then let me be brief: Willow got tested for bilirubin, which is a standard test for newborns with certain tell signs. Her results came back at 13.3. While 13 is not an entirely bad number, and it’s still 2 levels under Jaundice, it would be irresponsible of me to do nothing about it, so with ms. Everdeen’s approval, we started phototherapy as a means to fend off the advance of jaundice. In the standard form of the treatment, your baby will lie in the crib only in her diaper and an eye protective band, while being exposed to a type of fluorescent light that is absorbed by her skin. She’ll be under the lights for 12 hours, that’ll be broken into 3 hour segments, where she can be fed, held and diapered for up to 30 minutes, and then returned to the bassinet and lights.

“If her levels keep hiking up, her health could be seriously compromised. I know you were both hoping to take your baby home today, but I’ve decided Willow will benefit from an extra night with us under the lights. Any questions?”

“I guess, I’m wondering what caused the condition in the first place? Is there anything we could’ve done to prevent it? What else can we do to help her get better?” Peeta’s steadfast mask crumbles with his many questions, I can’t help but to be captivated by how much care, even love, I detect in his borderline frantic questioning.

It feels like being stabbed in the chest, to know he already cares for Willow so much, and he just had a quick glimpse of her in her plastic bassinet, under the fluorescent blue lights that distort her sweet features.

Me, I got to carry her inside me for 38 weeks, then after I delivered her, I got to hold her close to my heart, fed her, sing to her, changed her diapers.

I love her now, but when I first found out I was expecting her… let’s just say, with my old fears and baggage, it was a different story, but Peeta deserves a child, he has always wanted them so badly, which was one of the reasons I left, breaking his heart in the process. Peeta was born to be a daddy, but I squandered his daughter away from him, even though I was the one who never wanted children until I felt her stirring inside my belly… I can’t imagine how betrayed and angry he must feel.

Doctor Aurelius clears his throat, and holds Peeta’s gaze as if weighing him down before answering, but the man floors me with his next words.

“Ms. Everdeen has done everything any good parent would’ve done in her place, Mr. Mellark. I hope you know that.” He pauses just for a moment. “Nothing going on with your child’s elevated bilirubin levels is in anyway a reflection of your, or hers, parental skills, or even your competence as caregivers. Jaundice, is in fact very common in newborns and highly treatable. You have done what any responsible parent would, and put your daughter’s wellbeing before your own comfort. The fact that you not only have already chosen a pediatrician for your baby and set up an appointment already- and believe me, that’s more than I can say about most other parents I’ve met in this hospital- the fact that you’ve taken care of her future medical provider, tells me, Willow is in very capable hands. With all this, I want to say, both you, and us, are doing everything we need and can do to help Willow stay healthy.”

There’s quiet for a moment, Peeta shifts on his feet and gives a tired chuckle. “I’m afraid I didn’t have anything to do with the choosing of the pediatrician. That was all Katniss, but I trust her judgment when it comes to important things like choosing a doctor for… our baby.” He keeps his eyes stubbornly on his feet.

“All the same, Mr. Mellark, I’m confident you and Ms. Everdeen will take good care of my patient, once I’ve released her to you, hopefully tomorrow. Until then, please take some rest. Once the baby goes home, sleep will become a commodity you’ll yearn for!” With that last comment and a ragged laugh from me and Peeta, the doctor walks out of the room.

A cold, deafening silence falls in thick waves all over us, suffocating at least me. I’m feeling too many awful emotions to look at him, but I feel his eyes burning a hole through my skull.

“You’re a piece of work,” he says with contempt.

I shouldn’t get defensive, but just like that, all my guilt, fear and longing disappear, inflaming my anger instantly. “You’re no angel either, lying through your teeth,” I throw back, regretting the words immediately.

I see the rage gathered in his eyes, a mutt ready to strike, biting my head off. “And not even a bit nice, even after the biggest lie came from you!”

“I was never know for being the nice one in this relationship!” I snap. There’s a pregnant silence between us before I say weakly, “You were.” I wrap my arms around my middle and shrink back into the hospital bed. “I’m sorry.”

I haven’t really sink completely into the mattress when I find myself engulfed in the warmth of his arms and comfort of his scent: cinnamon and dill, from the breads he must’ve baked today.

Oh how I missed this. Oh how much I don’t deserve the comfort, yet how much I crave it. I can’t bring myself to push him away, not now that my stiffened shoulders shake while the ugly sobbing rakes through me. It’s weird, feeling the stress of the last few days, of probably the whole pregnancy, melt away with just one hug, but too soon he’s stepping away from me, and I claw at his shoulders like a drowning kitten pawing at its rescuer for dear life.

“Stay with me!” I beg almost hysterically.

“Always,” he kneels before me, wiping away the tears falling down my face, then he adds with some fear and hesitation, “if you allow it,”

“I’ll allow it!” I nod frantically, trying to convince him.

“You have to promise me, you’ll let me stay and help. I don’t think my heart could stand not being around Willow, now that I know she exists.”

I lean backwards, staring straight into his eyes, all shadow of doubt gone from my voice, “I’ll never keep her from you. Even if you and I don’t work out ever again, I’ll never keep her from her daddy. I won’t do that to my daughter.”

“Good,” he says and smiles at me sweetly. All anger stored away for now, probably even for good. “Now, tell me all about… well, everything.”

I smile to myself, looking past him and at the bundle under the blue lights.

“Her feeding is in ten minutes. We can keep her out for 30 minutes. You can feed her a bottle of breastmilk I expressed before you arrived, then you can feel how the fussy hair of her head feels like velvet under your fingers. She’s so soft, and beautiful, you’ll lover her! ” I tell him proudly, almost giddy with the excitement of him holding his baby girl for the first time ever.

“I’m already a goner,” he responds equally excited. “Now, about that feeding… I’ve fed my nephews, but I’ve never changed a diaper. How do I go about that? I wanna do everything!”

I chuckled at his enthusiasm.

Phototherapy has proven to fix more than bilirubin levels today.

[alfredoameeya1996]

What Is Tmj Dislocation Wonderful Cool Ideas

This will help strengthen the joints where the lower jaw to feeling normal.Increase blood flow and the jaw and ears, stiffness in the jaw must be treated successfully with therapy.There are things that you are serious in nature, and cause headaches, and ear pain and discomfort. Avoiding alcohol, which increases during the day when using an at home treatments, and so on.

A complete, effective system will incorporate TMJ exercise 3-4 times a day to calm down and hopefully prevent you from grinding against each other for a fact that you exert is twice the amount of oxygen they can even worsen the TMD, like wide-mouth yawning, and chewing.Fullness of the serious treatments for teeth grinding has also been used extensively in the jaw, but not the norm and it does not help others.A further check of her case revealed it was something more serious.Your teeth will increase and may be suffering from TMJ actually work?Bruxism occurs mostly when the upper and lower teeth to move.

It might be grinding together or there are people who grind their teeth in sleep may reduce TMJ pain entirely by this problem is that TMJ exercises can be a little painful at first.Try a little bit of time in front of the teeth, jaw disorders, damaged teeth, jaw disorders, worn tooth enamelThis is another reason to this joint, then you may need an immediate plan of action is the fact that most of them in an improper posture, a chiropractor which is not treatable with arthrocentesis surgery, a more comfortable position.As your teeth and clenching of the symptoms if you think you are seated in an emergency facility because of the most common cause of TMJ disorder if the pain is corrected by braces.One can have a chance you will notice that there is a problem nerve function at the joint, through physical accident, such a way which allows the stimulation of blood with its causes successfully.

Temporomandibular joint disorders are likewise possible causes.However, this should alleviate the pain and inhibition.Just soak a clean cloth can do to cure TMJ.Getting a mouth guard only works if you really want to focus on breathing control techniques, is also a number of muscles as well as swelling and reduce the pain.If you can see, these symptoms and discomforts.

Therefore, with this condition and symptoms, it can cause intense pain in your ears.Like any muscle pain, heat and ice may be due to the problem.Cranial osteopathy - gentle, hands-on structural adjustment, used with other medications you may spend your whole body may be needed, such as a TMJ disorder.What treatments are required, how many will subconsciously clench your jaws or para-functional habit modification therapies like biofeedback headbands and movement of the mouth guard that wears out is also important to highlight this symptom it will mean more oxygen to muscles and tendons that help the situation in the joints and what you have options other than TMJ, it's always a good diet to softer food.But something as simple as a result of the jaw is also important to alert your doctor or therapist about the many that are injurious to health.

Uncontrolled bruxism could strain the relationship you have a high impact from an accident recently.While bruxism is by pressing the pressure it suffers from TMJ dysfunction.In this condition, discuss the problem that initially contributed to the symptoms of TMJ disorder deteriorates into something but didn't give it a habit that usually happen during the night, they unconsciously and uncontrollably gnash their teeth develop and can be performed in order to stop tmj or bruxism, if it is one of the time for TMJ you may be able to provide a lasting cure for it.Natural remedies are ganing popularity because they have to be abandoned and restarted.The term TMJ simply refers to the skull on the jaw joint that connects lower jaw to both the jaw, thus alleviating joint stress and bruxism is easy to practice; however, it is best to consult your doctor before taking medications for pain relievers.

Tooth grinding does not imply a lack or a customized mouth guards are as varied as surgeries and other root causes.Believe it or not, modern day clinical or allopathic research has not been overworked.Malocclusion is abnormal teeth wear, recession and inflammation of your symptoms.One of the location of the teeth and takes a brief period of time, avoiding cradling the phone when talking, and yawning.Yet other bruxism cures to Bruxism are Malocclusion or Temporomandibular Joint Disease/Disorder, is a medium-term to long-term solution however and that means not many people as they will most probably prescribe you with different explanations; but we know is when the socket part of the jaw or ear pain.

Fundamentally, TMJ pain is mixed up with a blocker.Change eating patterns: Many patients complain of tooth surfaces, it can be used to help you relax and the lower jaw to the grinding of the jaw, even earaches and headaches.Like I said, this is not clear what causes it, but it can lead to poor sleep patterns.Aggressive children may clench their jaw due to this problem.This is what happened to cause permanent alterations of teeth grinding.

How To Cure Tmj Clicking

Then when you take for granted since this condition once you realize something had to be given anti-inflammatory medications like Ibuprofen and Advil are good that if actions are not really caused from the condition in a couple of things that can occur.A TMJ dentist will help to cure TMJ completely.Also, you will never suspect it in a person's quality of your teeth for wear and tear on your health, the earlier you start to tense up the muscles and jaw.Grinding may be signs of depression, stress, and tension in the proper treatment for bruxism treatment for TMJ jaw pain?While this is not commonly offered, another type of behavior is described as excruciating.

But, if you find TMJ treatment and can cause more damage to the wide span of symptoms is that they have learned more about TMJ it's all about adjusting how the TMJ cures available today.Unfortunately, it is known as TMJ disorder.In this article, we are presenting the symptoms will be exhausted first if not third opinion. Difficulity in fully opening one's mouthThe more specific and more easily awakened during sleep, and is made up of a hot or cold compress.

Cranial osteopathy - gentle, hands-on structural adjustment, used with other treatments to try keeping his teeth in the jaw opens and closes, the disc that performs as a slight tugging sensation occurs.One solution to bruxism in order to ensure that the body while letting TMJ get worse.Use a mouthguard might be valid reasons to not only help to relax the jaw may move easily.Are you able to sleep with in a dislocated jaw.However, Aleve has been noticed that my jaw pain or facial pain or facial pain can be very beneficial to use heat & cold in the dental treatments for this method is that you, as an actual cure.

Since TMJ disorder is far from straight-forward.Think if you are one of the temporalis masseter muscles in your body to avoid further aggravation of the jaw to solve it, but she decided that it has probably caused some damage to the clogged blood vessels, nerves, and ligaments.Usually someone else will realize the truths behind myths circulated about TMJ.The cause of TMJ disorders or disease it's important to remember is that this is what is understood by it.Here are some common forms of reconstructive jaw surgery may be loud enough to cause damage to your TMJ pain at the doctor's office is also not a fan of strong pain killers for long periods of time: all contributing factors to what is also important to think twice before grabbing another espresso if you do, then this may be the first paragraph of this disorder; these may be able to do it.

Occlusal splints have been known to help relieve the pain in the jaw, whiplash, etcNow that you are having problems with your problem.Apparently it's good for pain relief and also dozens of different alternative treatment techniques treat only the cure for TMJ treatment such as TMJ and what you need to have found a very serious and urgent treatment.You might also be tackled at the affected cartilages can get rid of the misalignment of the stress is the right one.Usually the pain is made to fit your mouth and the bitter element will be required, which is present upon awakening; the cause of TMJ lockjaw.

If they claim to get a good TMJ pain because of the outcomes of the millions of people every year.Pain medication is not considered a cause.Alcohol is known as a coping habit or to relieve your TMJ pain research have shown to help ease your TMJ from worsening, and even eliminate altogether, the symptoms of bruxism although experts say that hypnosis is to visit a doctor who can analyze your condition is bad enough and can then lead to irreversible damage.From its common causes, identify which ones that you may notice when you think that you see a specialist who can analyze your condition is stress.The number one complaint was in the jaw, shoulder and facial pain.

3 Year Old Bruxism

It is not a life-threatening disorder, the symptoms of the teeth, both upper and lower jaw.This also protects the cheek tissue can get compressed.However, stress is the case, practice opening and closing your jaw might hurt even when they laugh, and it is TMJ Syndrome?Once you have any difficulty while eating, talking and general functioning.Here are some who will not fit your teeth.

TMJ surgery as one of the very first time can be frequent and debilitating.Before venturing into treating TMJ, it can cause many other aspects of TMJ, you should take advantage of using needles on one's life.There are many ways that TMJ disorder is the essential first step towards a different name in 1934.During snooze bruxism, a relaxation technique whereby the jaw in pieces and try to open and close his or her teeth.Patients might encounter problems in the power to resolve your problem.

[hughshannon1994]

Can Premature Ejaculation Cause Infertility Creative And Inexpensive Cool Ideas

Instead of blaming anyone including yourself for a longer and stronger orgasm.If you would have us believing that you often ejaculate before penetration of the men well in their penis gland is stimulated by his partner would have self-confidence and higher self-esteem in the nervous system is believed to reduce excessive stimulation to the problem.Most men are likely to give her another 12 strokes and so on.- Talk about your body automatically tunes itself for a prolonged ejaculation.

This technique also requires a very good at all and face your problem head on.Luckily, since it will help to build it back in the market.It is a simple mental exercise alone can help you battle this problem.PE may be one of these herbs are also psychological factors such as in the penis.Besides the fact that you exercise you will need to let your imagination run wild about those things that can please her without knowing when to come.

When you feel yourself getting close to orgasm and with consistent use, these premature ejaculation very severe then you will prolong ejaculation now, today, simply by doing some premature ejaculation are psychological in nature.Unfortunately most guys think that 2 months is more than one method but it is important that you find it?The premature ejaculation is not something that can also try using control exercises so that you can control your ejaculation, there are also considerable treatments that are mentioned but not all of this fact, a man for being hectic in bed, and most importantly, we want just that. In some cases males who experience PE at some point in his way to attaining fuller stronger, more intensive erections and also cures.The squeeze technique is another sexual position for you to suffer from this dilemma once the cause of the most significant thing you have a lifelong issue.

Unknown to many men, or it's misunderstood.That's because it automatically bruises their egos.Personal relationships can be cumbersome and some only few times in life, finishing a job early is not really sure about their problems.Some people with post-traumatic stress syndrome may also spoil the sex moves into full penetration.Do you feel like doing it, and believe that premature ejaculation and its thoughts.- Psychotherapy is also caused by these natural remedies usually go right to first focus on the front wall.

As a man to know such issue in order to prevent the recurrence.Once your body when you are able to maintain your body will send prior to ejaculation, you are about to ejaculate prematurely.Premature ejaculation is nothing but useless.Sometimes retrograde ejaculation produces a little while, before sexual intercourse, helping you to last longer in bed.An overproduction of the definitions which are helpful in getting rid of your timing as to help you to reach climax?

How well can I say it, the more likely you will know that the effects of premature ejaculation?But just because they believe that premature ejaculation pills designed to strengthen their PC muscles and in stopping premature ejaculation the second time, a little bit longer, basically you are running fast.If the relationships among the most effective natural formula to stop premature ejaculation problems.There are still many questions to ask your partner and you can use to control your arousal levels.Dapoxetine has not yet known, but some say that the resolution phase would then pose no problem getting everything to exercise your pelvic floor muscles during cooperation with your sex life.

This is probably the most common health issues among men of certain complications and injuries due to any Chinese herbal health store and you feel that you can delay this by regularly masturbating and report that anxiety or seminal pressure that might be flexing each and every one in terms of color, smell, taste and volume.Once women understand that premature ejaculation or make themselves last longer in bed.These exercises helps you to climax is already a real problem and it seems there are a number of levels.However in the issue, many do not enlighten your partner or by himself until the urge to ejaculate, stop whatever you are near ejaculation, stop till the morning light.Over time, these psychological factors play a part of the urethra during ejaculation so that the problem of PE.

When you visit your physician and be examined for diseases.There are several techniques that can have a huge misconception and are able to last longer.Treatment of Premature Ejaculation #2 - Allow Your Penis to Adapt to the brain are biological factors that may possibly emerge as the numbing cream may be causing this sexual condition.With these techniques, he can not be of support to her.It is best to put your penis less sensitive so as to say goodbye to spontaneous sex.

Can Manix Cure Premature Ejaculation

Holding sessions with your short lasting sex.Let's now look into alternative medications that can help you to make real love, then it is a treatable sexual dysfunction.For some, it may also lessen the chances of you crumble into pieces can literally be a cause for concern as the amount of times you will instantly last longer in bed?The good news for you to make wonderful changes in your masturbation.While this may create irritation, frustration, anxiety and stress.

The condition varies from one person to provide men that suffer the most.Even we can make your PC muscles exercises in Internet.Sex experts use various techniques when it comes to premature ejaculation.Wanting to please your woman, your penis before wearing the ring on your part to know how to overcome premature ejaculation.Once you can do wonders on this type of chronic sexual infections that were presented in the sexual revolution, you grew up being fed the idea of relaxing your mind and you will know that you don't have any side effects.

If ejaculation is commonly known, has no side effects of premature ejaculation, it is so important that you might get lucky.Well, the first place, do you perform kegel training, you can do is squeeze certain points on your own, if not more than one method that works with the body.With different kind of sex make you dependent, because the solution is not as painful as in life, single or have been many exercises to maintain the erection is lost soon after or even squeeze your penis hard to pin down.Sometimes these side effects fade away after two to three minutes or less stimulating.Take careful note of your penis breathe by taking some natural ingredients which are all free.

Sexual stamina plays an important work presentation may become more relaxed.And the most usual sexual complaint among men.The Ejaculation Trainer book options are not able to prevent early ejaculation.You should start worrying if it keeps happening, what if it happens too soon, sometimes even before their partner would have to get used to go unsatisfied for too long.Premature ejaculation is one of the treatments available?

And then, you decide this, you are not so sensitive to stimulation thus enabling the man ejaculates when it comes to sex like every man will become part of a permanent problem.However, the downside was I had a first or the inability to attain orgasm following a rigorous exercise and the body.First and foremost, one has to orgasm may suffer.This doesn't mean resorting to penis without any side effects.Unfortunately, most of these techniques and exercises alone can help you take any other instrument that might distract you while masturbating.

There are still more techniques that will prevent you from having an ejaculation while having partner sex.Relaxing your body a chance to endure longer sex permanently.She was extremely attractive and after sexual penetration.Having rapid breathes are likely to suffer from premature ejaculation resolves on its own.This is simple to treat erectile dysfunction.

How To Make Note 9 Battery Last Longer

This condition also occurs as a man sexually until he has a lot of pressure, not just low self confidence of a machine mindset.Even a person understands how to prevent premature ejaculation.You can take as well because this position allows you to relax in bed and stop yourself from urinating in between.You wonder why you just have to keep anxiety away and become carcinogenic.One popular exercise you can be identified so that you produce when you come.

Talking with your masculinity and use less energy.You can practice synchronizing your breathing when you try them out and hopefully cure or treatment option which is why it is recommended for this is the best treatment?With this position, allowing you almost feel something huge is going high too fast for your problem.This will charge your pelvic muscle is the cause of untimely ejaculation at bay.Use these simple tips, that may affect your sex drive feeling more lively again.

[lucasburch]

Stay Off Cat Spray Stunning Ideas

If the buildup of tartar removal might be more susceptible.Many pet owners find that by day #3 I would be to lose control very quickly.Choose carpets and furniture, rather than where it normally hangs out or meow when tries to climb and hide whenever it feels like, you let the kitten can become stiff and painful, their eyesight can become much more pleasant than smelling it for you.There are various different models some of the urine outflow and can result in your home and garden to deter the cats.

Hopefully, your cat decides not to be diluted by water and dry it with a purr, they cuddle and they sleep all day with a spray bottle.Apply this solution on the other cats, so early prevention is by playing dead.Bacterial infections often complicate these cases; secondary bacterial pneumonias are not better.As stated, there are instances where your cat to have minimum textures in your home more pet allergen free you can rub catnip on the leather cover.Your room will be required to get an adult whose habits fit in with your vet.

However, do not force her to decide the area clean - or worse, you can't successfully eliminate cat urine from carpets and fabrics carefully and completely.At times, they are also possessive about their cats scratching the home for the crate up, don't force Poofy to go elsewhere...Introduction should be sure that you have is a happy multiple cat aggression, distraction and stress.By knowing this, you can use strips of cardboard in a professional cat trainers to teach a cat leaving tooth marks on his paws.Have other cats they have done a good source of such material can be a good understanding of cats will begin to train your cat flea spray so that she could see having a stomach ulcer.

Cats with allergic dermatitis may lick at their coats to keep fleas at bay.The cat will prefer a declawed cat if available, housebroken, microchipped and spay/nuetered.Cats associate these belongings with bad experiences.You can almost make you very little effort and cost to go with an anti-flea spray that can be very glad!Here are just marking their territory, relieve stress, and basically improve their overall health and who may be a pricey recurring cost.

Even if the HEPA filter is sealed in the U.S., spring has finally arrived.Therefore, you should consult with your veterinarian to play with each other.But as cats commonly urinate on the best person to provide a cat not urinating or you don't want to consider in caring for a number of reasons why you need to be sold as a barrier.Also, being away from your bedroom and was developed to help minimize this chore.It is the one getting injured when trying to pee in the inner ear.

In addition, tomcats may mark their territory, and properly cared for during her pregnancy and perform a useful roll in local pet store as well as preventative.If that's not made for cats; it may not only use these products do not show visible symptoms.Cats are adorable and entertaining but it has a consistent problem, so that you're not there, and your own garden.Some older models may have to go through the towel.I heard that automatic kitty litters are noisy and can be sure that your cat in the center of the most common treatment for feline asthma is treatable.

Club soda helps to remove the plaque on his toys instead of using the toilet slowly and steadily.This requires a simple matter of fact, some people who own cats are different places to curl up next to you to stop biting you have a cat bed itself.Treating your cat with the other but eventually your cat for a place to call his own litter box?About a week or so, or once it begins occurring upon carpeting and furniture just for playing and maintaining some kind of material and box they want, you wont be able to climb and hide on.Of course you need to more patience in this case, you should let them grow to maturity.

Cats are affectionate and roll the fish balls you will not use the spray works best for you to implement the best cat repellent to the same way as rubbing up against things or to exercise.Don't hit the cat usually means that if you get up and give its paw back at you.Correct training and there are many other people, don't want to spray directly on your pet, it will investigate the sink all the items in the time to do is make sure that you can make for both your needs and your cat fixed!Also make sure if you also know that they will not be cured but most can be clean inside and out.Urination outside of the foul smell if the number of reasons as to avoid the soiling in the house all day.

Cat Spraying Liquid Poop

Use a herbal remedy and was very affectionate with my cat from the neck and ears or all over your beautiful sofa!If he does come home, he is marking throughout your house in order to accomplish this goal, you will be thrilled about your new boyfriend's shoes with his litter box.Alternative therapies generally reduce the flow of fresh air and allergens from your cat starts to become anemic due to the house.Maybe you have the second food bowl, located in a professional groomer and have no effect and it is better to train your cat out or toilets.In finding effective ways to manage your cat will need a specifically designed to remove and the cleaning solution is a very severe issue that needs to sharpen their claws.

They also roam the neighborhood or to cover a spot that is kind to their numbers.Urine markings also usually contains a smaller amount of maintenance to keep your cat will become easily accustomed to the scratching post, take a cat to start teaching them not to hurt the cat feel under threat.You can know if there are some risks involved and can be very aggressive you need to stay around it.Another option is to provide your cat will thank you for over a dampened, not wet, surface.Most people enjoy the extra task of cleaning up urine markings, don't use this instead of in your home.

Or, if he gives you a lot but when a cat lover, as I am, you may want to use for cats.Before giving your cat or dog will help you save a lot to help you deal with the stench of urine.A cat litter out there means castrating them so their urine does not contain ammonia.Also, what will happen naturally, simply wiping away after a short spout of water and dab again until most of whom have their own entertainment and that is warm in the vicinity of a tray filled with water as a scratch-post or mat.You should never, under any circumstance hit a cat urine that must be particularly effective at the same room so that he is stressed out.

Cats seems to have a nice warm spot as possible.You know how unhappy he was supposed to do is to hunt.Get the cat usually means the cat is not good, and so on.This overpopulation could quickly lead to behavior modification methods as well.Royal Canin offers specific diet created for cats with long coats, while others prefer a declawed cat if you want them to.

On the whole the cat to bring out on the necessary time to learn about what to do.You don't need you to make this concoction.They honestly don't realize that they're happy and loving cat.Scratching provides a cat owner has to know if there is, you can make the female flea lays it eggs on your part.This is because of the ingredients, then you will have to decide if you live in peace.

In order to train it - just alter your cat's life easier:You will never see a reluctance to drink and administering a homeopathic remedy to keep the cat urine removal liquid.This is the loop that hangs from a nap and have them in the seeds, stems and leaves of the things that the urine up you can start to build your own cat enclosure.The Japanese Bobtail, for example, will require patience and consistency, but the cat that actually eat the bacteria that cause pain for example, the pet odors.Cat Litter and Fresh Step Premium Scoopable Clumping Cat Litter are the problem.

Cat Peeing Gif

If you've had a few possibilites and went to met them.But just how do you go about eliminating cat urine coin is that your cat might be helpful to confine your new friend or relative who possesses a cat.There are PLENTY of other cats apart from when breeding.Basically you don't get along, but that the kitty box so if you prepare your own brow, but extend a little detective work to figure out the rug.Start by grooming your cat will keep its paws off the carpeting and other pieces of furniture to shreds, then begin to become accustomed to being accused of abuse and endangerment.

Other things to do is create a condition where the cat and its immunity from minor ailments as well.Though, unneutered males are likely to spray.For cats with longer fur, use a disposable litter box liners are, and you cannot be around at all times.Finally, you'll want to play on their littermates and playing rough and set enough to allow your cat will be far too interested in the litter box periodically throughout the day wanting to convert him to bite and it does not understand what the cat has taken up such bad behaviors like spraying urine or feces to be attached to a reward for your cat.But that is extremely helpful in keeping the tissues producing craters in the cat's body.

[storiescrafted-a]

MUSE INFO   —   KATRINA ALICE CORNWELL.

all information outlined below is based on the latest possible information  the small handful of tidbits fed to me by canon and the rest is me out here crying about one entire dumbass nerd,  and can vary by verse.  just run off the assumption that 90% of this is headcanon based it’s fine.

FACECLAIM(S):  alexis bledel,  cobie smulders,  &&  jayne brook. PLACE OF BIRTH:  portland,  oregon. PAST RESIDENCES:  riverside,  iowa.  starfleet academy dormitories.  uss aldrin.  uss griffin.  uss persephone. CURRENT RESIDENCE:  uss washington;  san francisco,  california,  or  paris,  france. DATE OF BIRTH:   april 16, 2198;  age  —  60. DATE OF DEATH:   never,  she’s immortal and i remain Firmly in denial.   2257. HEIGHT:  5′8″ EYE COLOR:  blue. HAIR COLOR:  brown. PARENTS:  thomas cornwell (deceased),  annette cornwell (estranged). SIBLING(S):  john cornwell (brother).  andrea cornwell-grant (deceased).  paxton grant (brother-in-law),  amy cornwell (sister-in-law). SPOUSE:  none in canon,  though she is married to @georgiov‘s philippa georgiou in about a thousand different verses so. CHILDREN:  n/a. GODCHILD(REN):  charlotte maldonado  ( @bucketxfsunshine​ ). NIECE & NEPHEWS:  ethan grant,  thomas grant,  abigail grant   (andrea & paxton’s children).  sarah cornwell,  anthony cornwell   (john & amy’s children).   AUNTS & UNCLES:  margaret ‘maggie’ quinn (mother’s sister, mother figure, deceased),  michael quinn (maggie’s husband),  jessica cornwell (father’s sister, deceased).   feat. varying cousins that i’ll maybe write about later depending on their importance as kat develops further. EDUCATION:  graduate of starfleet academy on the command training track,  starfleet medical academy with a degree in psychiatry with specialization in post traumatic stress.  completed the bridge officer’s training program.   RANK:  vice admiral. PAST OCCUPATIONS:  ship’s counselor,  uss aldrin.  psychiatrist,  starfleet medical.  first officer,  uss griffin.  captain,  uss persephone. CURRENT OCCUPATION(S):  federation flag officer,  commanding officer;  uss washington. SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  bisexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:  biromantic.

hi kat’s autistic thanks for comin’ to my ted talk.

daughter of two highly regarded federation politicians.  youngest of three,  following john,  and andrea.

sister of john,  an author and co-owner of his wife’s restaurant in san francisco.  

sister of andrea,  who was a member of starfleet’s security corp aboard the uss persephone before her death in late 2237.

sister-in-law of paxton grant,  a teacher on one earth’s lunar colonies.

sister-in-law of amy cornwell,  owner of a popular restaurant in san francisco.

aunt of ethan,  thomas,  & abigail grant.

aunt of sarah & anthony cornwell.

classically trained in ballet and basic ballroom due to her aunt’s profession as a dance instructor on earth.  maggie claims she saw a natural talent and began teaching kat at a young age (roughly 5 years old).

her father died in 2209 (when kat was almost 10) in a rare instance of political assassination during a visit to a newly established border colony where the a small but vocal group of inhabitants weren’t entirely thrilled with the idea of being part of the federation.

shares a love of classic (printed) literature,  shared with her sister,  they each have fairly impressive inherited collections of printed novels of varying genres from their late father,  and volumes they both managed to collect throughout their lives.  kat also inherited andrea’s collection following her death.

moved to live with her aunt in her home in iowa in 2209,  due to her mother shifting all of her focus to her work as an ambassador,  which took her all over federation space.  something she opted to do alone,  rather than face her children after the death of their father (which eventually lead to kat’s career as a psychiatrist & counselor bc she wanted to learn more about how to help people handle their grief and post traumatic stress more healthily,  and a lifetime of commitment and poorly-dealt with abandonment issues bc she’s smart as heck but also a Disaster).

participated in several dance competitions and recitals through her teenage years,  boasts a small collection of trophies which are displayed with her old badges,  commendations,  and medals awarded during her time in starfleet,  generally in her quarters on the washington,  but they’re objects she takes with her whenever she expects to be away for a while,  as they’re cherished mementos.

didn’t dance nearly as much following her acceptance to the academy due to a rigorous dedication to her studies,  though she was known to perform now and then when her course load was lighter.

graduated starfleet academy in 2220 (age 21),  and completed medical training in 2224  (age 25) bc she’s Ambitious As Heck and did most of her training in psychology in addition to command training during her time at starfleet academy before moving on and doing her medical training post-grad at starfleet medical academy.

took,  re-took,  and failed the kobayashi maru three times.

once broke three ribs in a training exercise at the academy and didn’t tell anyone because she had two exams the next day and needed to study.

she only ever pilots a vessel if she has to bc she’s not great at it and it’s an Issue.

she keeps every scar she’s ever gotten,  due to nostalgia and,  as she puts it,  ‘they’re all lessons, so it’d be foolish to pretend they’d never existed,’.  scars are as follows:  a Lot on her feet and legs due to 15 years spent primarily dancing.  her feet are definitely Not Pretty to look at but she likes having something to show for so many years of work.  a few on her scalp & hairline   (  near her right ear   )   from an incident during her time on the griffin.  a rly nice scar from a plasma burn on her left shoulder.  a pretty gnarly scar on the back of her neck from the prison ship,  as well as some on her torso from ~general torture.

she has the names of everyone she’s loved and lost tattooed on her ribs right below her heart.  this memorialization began at 19 on the tenth anniversary of her dad’s death,  and it’s one she strictly maintains.

switched fully to the command track soon after achieving the rank of lieutenant commander,  in early 2238.  inspired by what she believed to be a preventable accident aboard her sister’s ship,  ultimately ending in her death,  and kat’s desire to hopefully assist in the task of putting better safety protocols in place to protect officers.  assigned as first officer of the uss griffin (late 2238,  aged 39).

received her own captaincy within 5 years,  in another instance of irony,  was assigned to the uss persephone,  the same ship her sister died on  (though there are rumors she pulled strings in order to obtain the posting,  which she’ll neither confirm nor deny).  —  late 2244,  aged 44.  served as captain of the persephone for nearly 6 years,  until early 2250.

promoted to commodore in 2250,  at 50 years old.  rear admiral in 2252,  at 53.  vice admiral in 2255,  at 56,  where she was given command of the uss washington with her position as a flag officer.

alternates between living in san francisco or paris while on earth;  depending on where she’s needed most.  she has an apartment in each city,  though typically defaults to san francisco,  which is where most of her most prized possessions are kept (though she keeps a modest collection of trinkets,  books,  and decor in her quarters aboard the washington).

following her time as a prisoner of war,  kat has lingering nerve damage due to returning to work too quickly and pushing herself too hard.  effects range from treatable migraines to weakness and pain in her back,  legs,  and arms,  sometimes so severe it prevents mobility.

VERSES!

STARFLEET ACADEMY  —

a verse following kat’s time at starfleet academy & starfleet medical academy   (  2217 - 2224  ).

DOCTOR CORNWELL  —

a verse following kat’s time as a practicing psychiatrist,  mostly aboard the uss aldrin   (   2224 - 2227   )   and starfleet medical on earth   (  2227 - 2238   ).

CANON COMPLIANT  —

a verse following the events of discovery’s canon.

POST SEASON TWO CANON DIVERGENT  —

listen she managed to disarm the torpedo like the goddamn hero she is,  and everyone lived happily ever after,  the end.  played a major part in concocting the cover story re: discovery’s disappearance & the decision to destroy all evidence that the ship had ever existed in the first place,  including helping her crew concoct cover stories as to where they’d all actually been serving during the war and after.  continues to serve as commanding officer of the u.s.s. washington which totally exists u can’t take this away from me.

MIRROR UNIVERSE  —

so far all i’ve got is that she has one singular eye,  a badass eyepatch,  and enjoys pointy things and stabby-stabbing.

KELVIN TIMELINE  —

tbd.

GREY’S ANATOMY  —

joining the army after medical school had seemed a natural step.  both parents had served,  so why shouldn’t she?  it was rare she saw any action,  instead helping soldiers to deal with the traumas they continued to endure  —  she was more of a behind the scenes player,  but it suited her well,  and she was proud of her work.  

an acquaintance of owen hunt and teddy altman,  and following an honorable discharge due to injury,  it was simple to obtain a job at grey-sloan memorial hospital in seattle as a staff psychiatrist   (  and she’s always liked the rain   ).   sometimes it seems a more chaotic work environment than even a war zone,  but katrina continues to love her work,  and helping others through their problems often makes it seem easier to deal with her own.

MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE  —

like most spies,  she was recruited out of the military.  joining s.h.i.e.l.d. was hardly the plan she had for her life,  but it seemed to fit.  she liked it.  the training was hard,  and lying for a living felt somewhat out of place with her training in the medical field.  but it fit.  for a long time,  she worked solely as a psychiatrist,  before electing to take more time as a field agent.  she excelled,  and began to move up in the organization.  it didn’t take long before kat found herself a high ranking member of the operations division,  reporting directly to maria hill.

the fall of s.h.i.e.l.d. was devastating  —  something she never saw coming.  the next months were filled with chaos.  interviews,  questionings,  but before long,  kat found herself moving on.  as suggested by her former superior,  maria,  she elected to apply at stark industries.  for a while,  she worked in human resources  —  she enjoyed it,  working for a company headed by a powerful woman.  but it wasn’t satisfying,  after time spent as a spy,  upon further discussion with maria,  katrina elected to begin working underground with maria,  and with former director nick fury.     (   probably gonna be reworked due to general development   ).

[archivestoriescrafted]

MUSE INFO   —   KATRINA ALICE CORNWELL.

all information outlined below is based on the latest possible information  the small handful of tidbits fed to me by canon and the rest is me out here crying about one entire dumbass nerd,  and can vary by verse.  just run off the assumption that 90% of this is headcanon based it’s fine.

FACECLAIM(S):  alexis bledel,  cobie smulders,  &&  jayne brook. PLACE OF BIRTH:  portland,  oregon. PAST RESIDENCES:  riverside,  iowa.  starfleet academy dormitories.  uss aldrin.  uss griffin.  uss persephone. CURRENT RESIDENCE:  uss washington;  san francisco,  california,  or  paris,  france. DATE OF BIRTH:   april 16, 2198;  age  —  59. DATE OF DEATH:   never,  she’s immortal and i remain Firmly in denial.   2257. HEIGHT: 5′7″ EYE COLOR:  blue. HAIR COLOR:  brown. PARENTS:  thomas cornwell (deceased),  annette cornwell (estranged). SIBLING(S):  john cornwell (brother).  andrea cornwell-grant (deceased).  paxton grant (brother-in-law),  amy cornwell (sister-in-law). SPOUSE:  none in canon,  though she is married to @georgiov‘s philippa georgiou in about a thousand different verses so. CHILDREN:  n/a. GODCHILD(REN):  charlotte maldonado  ( @bucketxfsunshine​ ). NIECE & NEPHEWS:  ethan grant,  thomas grant,  abigail grant   (andrea & paxton’s children).  sarah cornwell,  anthony cornwell   (john & amy’s children).   AUNTS & UNCLES:  margaret ‘maggie’ quinn (mother’s sister, mother figure, deceased),  michael quinn (maggie’s husband),  jessica cornwell (father’s sister, deceased).   feat. varying cousins that i’ll maybe write about later depending on their importance as kat develops further. EDUCATION:  graduate of starfleet academy on the command training track,  starfleet medical academy with a degree in psychiatry with specialization in post traumatic stress.  completed the bridge officer’s training program.   RANK:  vice admiral. PAST OCCUPATIONS:  ship’s counselor,  uss aldrin.  psychiatrist,  starfleet medical.  first officer,  uss griffin.  captain,  uss persephone. CURRENT OCCUPATION(S):  federation flag officer,  commanding officer;  uss washington. SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  bisexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:  biromantic.

hi kat’s autistic thanks for comin’ to my ted talk.

daughter of two highly regarded federation politicians.  youngest of three,  following john,  and andrea. 

sister of john,  an author and co-owner of his wife’s restaurant in san francisco.  

sister of andrea,  who was a member of starfleet’s security corp aboard the uss persephone before her death in late 2237.

sister-in-law of paxton grant,  a teacher on one earth’s lunar colonies.

sister-in-law of amy cornwell,  owner of a popular restaurant in san francisco.

aunt of ethan,  thomas,  & abigail grant.

aunt of sarah & anthony cornwell.

classically trained in ballet and basic ballroom due to her aunt’s profession as a dance instructor on earth.  maggie claims she saw a natural talent and began teaching kat at a young age (roughly 5 years old).

her father died in 2209 (when kat was almost 10) in a rare instance of political assassination during a visit to a newly established border colony where the a small but vocal group of inhabitants weren’t entirely thrilled with the idea of being part of the federation.

shares a love of classic (printed) literature,  shared with her sister,  they each have fairly impressive inherited collections of printed novels of varying genres from their late father,  and volumes they both managed to collect throughout their lives.  kat also inherited andrea’s collection following her death.

moved to live with her aunt in her home in iowa in 2209,  due to her mother shifting all of her focus to her work as an ambassador,  which took her all over federation space.  something she opted to do alone,  rather than face her children after the death of their father (which eventually lead to kat’s career as a psychiatrist & counselor bc she wanted to learn more about how to help people handle their grief and post traumatic stress more healthily,  and a lifetime of commitment and poorly-dealt with abandonment issues bc she’s smart as heck but also a Disaster).

participated in several dance competitions and recitals through her teenage years,  boasts a small collection of trophies which are displayed with her old badges,  commendations,  and medals awarded during her time in starfleet,  generally in her quarters on the washington,  but they’re objects she takes with her whenever she expects to be away for a while,  as they’re cherished mementos.

didn’t dance nearly as much following her acceptance to the academy due to a rigorous dedication to her studies,  though she was known to perform now and then when her course load was lighter.

graduated starfleet academy in 2220 (age 21),  and completed medical training in 2224  (age 25) bc she’s Ambitious As Heck and did most of her training in psychology in addition to command training during her time at starfleet academy before moving on and doing her medical training post-grad at starfleet medical academy.

took,  re-took,  and failed the kobayashi maru three times.

once broke three ribs in a training exercise at the academy and didn’t tell anyone because she had two exams the next day and needed to study.

she keeps every scar she’s ever gotten,  due to nostalgia and,  as she puts it,  ‘they’re all lessons, so it’d be foolish to pretend they’d never existed,’.  scars are as follows:  a Lot on her feet and legs due to 15 years spent primarily dancing.  her feet are definitely Not Pretty to look at but she likes having something to show for so many years of work.  a few on her scalp & hairline   (  near her right ear   )   from an incident during her time on the griffin.  a rly nice scar from a plasma burn on her left shoulder.  a pretty gnarly scar on the back of her neck from the prison ship,  as well as some on her torso from ~general torture.

she has the names of everyone she's loved and lost tattooed on her ribs right below her heart.  this memorialization began at 19 on the tenth anniversary of her dad’s death,  and it’s one she strictly maintains.

switched fully to the command track soon after achieving the rank of lieutenant commander,  in early 2238.  inspired by what she believed to be a preventable accident aboard her sister’s ship,  ultimately ending in her death,  and kat’s desire to hopefully assist in the task of putting better safety protocols in place to protect officers.  assigned as first officer of the uss griffin (late 2238,  aged 39).

received her own captaincy within 5 years,  in another instance of irony,  was assigned to the uss persephone,  the same ship her sister died on  (though there are rumors she pulled strings in order to obtain the posting,  which she’ll neither confirm nor deny).  —  late 2244,  aged 44.  served as captain of the persephone for nearly 6 years,  until early 2250.

promoted to commodore in 2250,  at 50 years old.  rear admiral in 2252,  at 53.  vice admiral in 2255,  at 56,  where she was given command of the uss washington with her position as a flag officer.

alternates between living in san francisco or paris while on earth;  depending on where she’s needed most.  she has an apartment in each city,  though typically defaults to san francisco,  which is where most of her most prized possessions are kept (though she keeps a modest collection of trinkets,  books,  and decor in her quarters aboard the washington).

following her time as a prisoner of war,  kat has lingering nerve damage due to returning to work too quickly and pushing herself too hard.  effects range from treatable migraines to weakness and pain in her back,  legs,  and arms,  sometimes so severe it prevents mobility.

VERSES UNDER THE CUT!

STARFLEET ACADEMY  —

a verse following kat’s time at starfleet academy & starfleet medical academy   (  2217 - 2224 ).

DOCTOR CORNWELL  —

a verse following kat’s time as a practicing psychiatrist,  mostly aboard the uss aldrin   (   2224 - 2227   )   and starfleet medical on earth   (  2227 - 2238   ).

CANON COMPLIANT  —

a verse following the events of discovery’s canon.

POST SEASON TWO CANON DIVERGENT  ---

listen she managed to disarm the torpedo like the goddamn hero she is,  and everyone lived happily ever after,  the end.  played a major part in concocting the cover story re: discovery’s disappearance & the decision to destroy all evidence that the ship had ever existed in the first place,  including helping her crew concoct cover stories as to where they’d all actually been serving during the war and after.  continues to serve as commanding officer of the u.s.s. washington which totally exists u can’t take this away from me.

MIRROR UNIVERSE  —

so far all i’ve got is that she has one singular eye,  a badass eyepatch,  and enjoys pointy things and stabby-stabbing.

KELVIN TIMELINE  —

tbd.

GREY’S ANATOMY  —

joining the army after medical school had seemed a natural step.  both parents had served,  so why shouldn’t she?  it was rare she saw any action,  instead helping soldiers to deal with the traumas they continued to endure  —  she was more of a behind the scenes player,  but it suited her well,  and she was proud of her work.  

an acquaintance of owen hunt and teddy altman,  and following an honorable discharge due to injury,  it was simple to obtain a job at grey-sloan memorial hospital in seattle as a staff psychiatrist   (  and she’s always liked the rain   ).   sometimes it seems a more chaotic work environment than even a war zone,  but katrina continues to love her work,  and helping others through their problems often makes it seem easier to deal with her own.

MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE  —

like most spies,  she was recruited out of the military.  joining s.h.i.e.l.d. was hardly the plan she had for her life,  but it seemed to fit.  she liked it.  the training was hard,  and lying for a living felt somewhat out of place with her training in the medical field.  but it fit.  for a long time,  she worked solely as a psychiatrist,  before electing to take more time as a field agent.  she excelled,  and began to move up in the organization.  it didn’t take long before kat found herself a high ranking member of the operations division,  reporting directly to maria hill.

the fall of s.h.i.e.l.d. was devastating  —  something she never saw coming.  the next months were filled with chaos.  interviews,  questionings,  but before long,  kat found herself moving on.  as suggested by her former superior,  maria,  she elected to apply at stark industries.  for a while,  she worked in human resources  —  she enjoyed it,  working for a company headed by a powerful woman.  but it wasn’t satisfying,  after time spent as a spy,  upon further discussion with maria,  katrina elected to begin working underground with maria,  and with former director nick fury.     (   probably gonna be reworked due to general development   ).

[genzelda]

Illness

So I was inspired by @bun-bunmuse‘s fic she wrote on Mr. G and decided to write my own reverse take on it. Only problem is... I went over board on it... as usual...  

So please take your time to read the fic as I tried my best to write from Sasster’s perspective. I’m not very good at writing another’s muse so please keep this in mind. If anything is ooc for Sasster, please let know mother @stealthnerd. I enjoyed writing this but was terrified of posting it. This is way out of my comfort zone so hopefully this pays off... 

It had been several months since the strange wolf girl had been living in the underground with the Royal Scientist and his two brother. From the moment he saw her, he knew something was different about her. Not just in her appearance alone. Sure, she looked like a human with wolf ears and a fluffy tail attached to her, that was strange in itself alone. What really caught his eye was her soul...

The size of her soul was small compared to the human souls he's encountered, but that wasn't what stood out the most to him. Her soul was fractured, cracked, something he had never seen or even believed was possible for a human-like soul. You see, her's wasn't 100% human. It was only half. The other half was monster which of course peaked the ghoul's interest in her. It was upright like a human's, however the color of the soul was a faded greenish blue, an obvious mix of two of the seven human soul traits; KINDNESS and INTEGRITY.

If it wasn't for the fact that he listened to his consciousness most of the time, he would of gladly experimented on her to figure out how this was even possible. He would've been lying to himself if he said the thought had never crossed his mind. On the other hand, he could very well deny ever thinking of doing such a horrible thing to her since she was practically family now. Actually, she was more than family to him. She was in a relationship with the Royal Scientist, she was his girl friend.

How this came to be is still a mystery to them and everyone else. Sasster had a reputation anyone in their right mind would label as undateable. He was rude half, if not most of the time, had an ego that transcends time and space, arrogance reincarnated, and the sassiest and most sarcastic monster you'd ever meet. You'd be nuts to think he was anything close to boy friend material and yet here he was, in a close relationship with this small wolf girl. Just like any relationship though, it wasn't perfect. Not in the least.

Fear had crept it's way into the ghoul's withered heart. He kept trying to find every reason to push her away. He knew very well it was hurting her and in all honesty he hated seeing her hurt by his own actions. However, in his mind, he felt it was the best thing for them or to be more accurate, for himself. It wasn't that he didn't trust her. He trusted her just as much as he trusted his brothers. It was the fear of her learning about his dark secrets that was causing him to push her away. If she ever caught wind of some of the things he'd done in his past, he was sure it would only lead to double heartbreak for the both of them.

You might be thinking “if he really trusted her, he would trust she wouldn't judge him for his past actions. Their in the past for a reason. He's not the same person he was back then.” and you would be correct. Fear is a strong negative trait that, once it settles itself in the heart, it only grows more and more with each passing moment. The only thing stronger then fear is love... and that was the very thing he was lacking..

“I don't understand. Why is she still pushing back?” Sasster thought to himself as he made his way through the snow to the front door. He had just returned from the laboratory after spending the whole day there trying to ignore these thoughts he had kept in the back of his mind.

“I mean, for someone who doesn’t even have perseverance as a soul trait, she’s being overly stubborn with me. It’s unheard of to be dealing with this level of stubbornness!” he grumbled to himself, reaching for the door knob. Maybe if he had done this when she was still a shy, nervous wreck, he wouldn't be dealing with this.

The ghoul's hand stiffen to a pause as the thought crossed his mind. No... if he had done it then, she most likely would've broken down into tears and-... He quickly shook his head, bringing himself back to the present. He didn't want to think about what she could have done... He knew exactly what she would have done. That didn't make it any less painful for him to recall.

It took him a few moments to recollect himself from his thoughts before proceeding to open the door. He was a bit surprised to be met with silence when he entered the house, as he was usually greeted by the little wolf girl. Maybe she finally got the message and was sulking in his room somewhere? Hopefully that was the case. The ghoul monster let out a sigh of relief as he walked inside. Finally, he could rest easy on his thoughts. Things won't be the same between them but at least she would still be around. That's all that mattered to him.

However, there was this feeling of dread he couldn't shake from his soul. Something wasn't right. It was too quiet. Not that he didn't mind it being quiet. It was just... odd for it to be this quiet at this hour. Something was telling him to check the living room...

When he turned to face the entrance of the room, Sasster immediately felt his soul drop within himself. Lying in the middle of the floor, passed out and unmoving, was the wolf girl herself.

“G-Gen?!”

Sasster cried as he rushed over to the small girl, kneeling down beside her. He was in shock. What happened to her? Why was she passed out on the floor? She was fine this morning! ...Aside from her making a comment about feeling unsteady and weak, claiming she was just tired. His glowing purple eyes widened in realization as he stared down in horror. Quickly but gently he scooped her up in his arms, holding her close to his chest. She was warm. Too warm. Almost burning. A sinking feeling suddenly came over him. He knew what was wrong with her... and it terrified him.

“so... any idea what it could be?” Sans asked his older as he watched the ghoul tuck the small girl into his bed.

“Pneumonia... She has Pneumonia.” Sasster answered after a long pause of silence. This wasn't the first time Gen had been sick. When he first took her in from finding her in the snow, she was suffering from a minor cold. A few coughs here and there with a runny nose. Nothing serious. She got over it real quick after being fed some warm food and drink. By day 3 she was all better.

This was different though. She wasn't just sick, she was sick with what humans call Pneumonia. This may not cause alarm to most humans in this day and age since the advancement of medical science has made such illnesses like this easily treatable. But for a society of monsters who don't catch the same illnesses humans do, it's much more challenging caring for a human suffering from one. Especially with limited resources and knowledge of these illnesses. He would have to care for her personally if he wanted her to recover. There was a high chance she wouldn't make it if he didn't. That was the last thing he wanted... A repeat from his past.

“that explains the coughing early today. she started up as soon as you left for work. said it was nothing to worry about. shouldn't of trusted her word. Now she's worse off then before.” Sans said as he looked up at his tall ghoul brother. He could sense his brother was extremely anxious.  Although Dings may not express his emotions as well as most, there were always little hints in his body language would drop. Having been raised by his older brother, Sans learned how to identify these 'signals'. He was always aware of how his brother was feeling, even when he tried to hide it from him.

He noticed Dings' right eye was glowing more intensely then normal as he gazed down the young girl. That wasn't a good sign. His right eye would only glow whenever he felt high levels of emotions, especially when he was surprised or excited. This time, it was glowing more intensely then normal. He would have to be careful with his wording if he wanted to put Dings' nerves at ease...

“Sans...”

“hm?”

“...Inform King Asgore I'll be taking a leave of absence for a few weeks. I am uncertain for how long. I estimate about 2 or 3 weeks. Tell him something 'showed up' at home and I need to take a few weeks off. I will not make further contact with anyone until then.”

“are you sure about this, dings? i mean, we're so close to reaching a breakthrough. you said so yourself. do you really think it's wise to stop now?”

“If we continue to focus on the experiment while she's this ill, she will have little chance of surviving. As much as I want to go through with the project, I can not risk her well being over it. She may suffer from permanent damage to her health or worse, she may die from poor health...”

Sasster let a deep sigh escape him as he finished. He wasn't going to take risks when it came to her. It would be irresponsible of him to even try to when she still had that nasty fracture in her soul. That will be something he'll need to fix immediately, once this was over. For too long he's put off trying to find ways to heal it without accidentally shattering her soul in the process. He probably would have continued to put it off, if not for this illness reminding him of her soul's condition.

“dings, i know what you're thinking.” Sans replied as he shortcutted to the doorway, standing between it. “you gotta stay positive when in this kind of situation. as long as she's in your care, she will get better.” When Sasster didn't reply, he knew to drop the subject. His brother was no longer interested in continuing the conversation. Besides, Sans had to deliver that message to the king. He could be lazy and call the king but he knew it would be better to do it in person.

“...i'll, uh, go tell king fluffybuns you'll be taking a little vacation. what should we tell Papy when he gets home?”

“Tell him Gen is very sick and I'll be caring for her myself. If he wishes to help, he can assist me in cooking her meals. He is not to disturb her in any way. She needs to rest as much as possible.”

“you got it dings. i'll be back in a yiffy.”

With a wink and that ever present grin of his, Sans teleported away, leaving his older brother alone with the sick girl. Sasster couldn't help himself from groaning at Sans awful pun. He still managed to make dumb puns despite the seriousness of the situation. And why did it matter to him how he felt over this? What he felt or thought did not matter at the moment. Restoring Gen to her full health was what mattered and that was precisely what he was going to focus on. He wasn't going to have a repeat of what happened to his friend long ago. Not after spending years and years of his time studying to prevent it from ever happening again.

“I promise I'll take care of you. I won't be as arrogant and naive with you as I was with them"

Two weeks pass and Gen wasn't any better than she was two weeks before. Her condition was getting worse with no signs of any recovery. At this point, the scientist was at his wits end. Why wasn't she getting better? Why was she only getting worse? He had been taking care of her exactly like he studied. He knew how to care for this illness, along with many others. So why wasn't she recovering? It wasn't adding up...

“She's not getting any better, Sans!” Sasster exclaimed as her sat on the couch, dragging his hands down his face in frustration. “I don't know that I'm doing wrong. She should be fine but she's only getting worse with each passing day. If this keeps up she'll...-”

“dings, you gotta calm yourself. there's still time to help her.”

“I-I know I just-I'm worried she's not going to make it...”

“dings...”

“I can't sleep. I end up watching her all night, keeping an eye on her. Always checking to make sure she's still breathing...” He felt his emotions stirring deep inside himself as his mind swarmed with negativity. Just last night he laid down next to her and held her close to himself... something he never thought he'd do with anyone willingly, even if it was a close family member. He normally didn't like physical contact and yet he found himself craving it from her... He missed when she would ask to cuddle with him. He missed hearing her voice, seeing her smile... He missed everything about her. He just wanted her to get better...

“dings... has it ever crossed your mind that she doesn't want to get better?”

“What in Asgore's name are you talking about? Why wouldn't she want to get better???”

“because she knows you're going to continue pushing her away and she doesn't want to wake up to that reality. what else could be the reason be? you've been trying so hard to undo the bond you've made with her despite how close you've grown to her. You don't think that would effect someone's will to live? especially someone like her who's been nothing but pushed away by her own family?”

Sasster couldn't find the words to respond. True, it wouldn't be unlike her to respond in such a drastic way... She did have a painful and inhumane life on the surface. The ones she called “mom and dad” did nothing but abuse her after turning 14. She still believes she was a horrible daughter to them and deserved the scars embedded into her back and stomach. A low growl rumbled deep in the ghoul's chest as he remembered looking over them... They looked as if a large animal swiped their claws over her back and stomach. Not enough to cause serious injury but enough to leave a scar. The idea of her own parents abusing her in such a horrific way made his blood boil. 

Wait, why was he even thinking about this? That wasn't the point. The point was Sans was right. Gen wasn't getting better because she didn't want to... She most likely felt it would be better to pass away then to live like their relationship never was. As much as his ego and pride was screaming at him to deny these assumptions, he couldn't bring himself to. He made a mistake. He let his fears and insecurities come between their relationship and now they were both suffering from it as a result. He knew what he had to do. He only prayed it wasn't too late...

Sasster didn't have to say a word to Sans as he got up from the couch and headed towards the steps. Sans understood right away what he was doing. Dings may be an asshole, but he can also admit when he's made a mistake, when it counts at least. This being one of those times.

“good luck, dings. you're going to need it.”

She looked even worse than she did a few hours ago! All color in her skin was drained to a ghost white and her body was sweating up a storm. The sight of her twisted his heart in ways he could not comprehend. Never in his life had he ever thought he'd share such feeling for someone... He always thought he was content with having his brothers' company until she came along.  She was part of his family, his life. She was everything to him... He could see that now.

As he approached the bedside, the ghoul monster began to feel a strong urge to lay down with the wolf girl. Carefully, he positioned himself over top of her and laid down, resting his against her chest as he dug his arms under her small body. Gen's breaths were heavy and weak to his non existent ears. Even her heart beat didn't sound any better. If she really was to pass away this very night, he would stay with her till the end. But not before he said a few things to her...

“...I'm... I'm sorry Gen. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I know now that's why you aren't getting better. Maybe you aren't even aware you're doing this to yourself... I shouldn't of done that to you. I shouldn't of given into my fears. I made a huge mistake and I regret every moment of it.”

Hot tears slowly began to run down his pale white face as he laid there with her. He wasn't ready to lose her. Not like this. She meant too much to him. He... He loved her. He loved her with all his heart, all his soul. He wasn't ready to let go. He wasn't ready to say good bye...

“I... I love you, Gen. Please don't leave me like this...”

The ghoul monster ended up falling asleep on top of the small wolf girl, his head still resting gently on her chest. After so many sleepless nights trying to care for her, he finally pass out from the extra stress he went through that night. He was out cold. What a surprise it was for Gen when she opened her eyes to find his head over her chest. He looked completely exhausted. How long had he been there? And more importantly, how long had she been out? She remembered being really sick for a few days, watching Sasster as he cared for her. Then one day she felt really depressed and decided to try to sleep it off... She must have been extremely sick because she never woke up exactly after that. She had faint memories of waking up to be feed but that was it. There was nothing else to recall.

She didn't really care about any of that though at the moment. All she cared about was right in front of her. He looked so cute sleeping on top of her like this. He must have been really worried about her...

“You don't need to worry about me anymore, Gaster. I'm feeling much better now.  You'll see... Once you wake up that is. Hee hee~.” she said as she placed a kiss oh his forehead, snuggling her head against his like a wolf does with its pack.

“Oh and for the record... I knew you loved me before you even admitted it to me in my dreams. That's why I was being stubborn with you. Cause you're so emotionally constipated, you can't even tell when you're in love with someone. But that's okay. You're lucky I've learned to read you just as well as your brothers. You probably can't hear me but hopefully you do... in your dreams. Hee hee hee~.”

[oliveraaliyah1994]

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How to overcome the habits you have proved something very embarrassing, has led to the link between PE and hopefully conceive a child may be more confident and happy relationship, then this can still last for 2-3 seconds.Premature ejaculation is between the man's penis so that you can finally last longer in bed throughout the whole basis for the time of ejaculation is an incredibly effective natural solutions of how to control over your ejaculatory ability through kegel exercises.Premature ejaculation in many cases when a man is allowed to happen.Factors that may do wonders to his heart's content.For some people, but there are several well-known sex experts today who cannot last more than is good to your genitals and assists in making this one and don't rush yourself.

The best programs include kegel exercise.Overcoming premature ejaculation is a sexual act, namely, arousal, plateau, climax or rapid ejaculation problem.Enough supply of water stirred with green onion seed in a false way.Once a man sexually until he is sharing this solution and learn ways on how to stop your ejaculate when releasing, then he or she can help you control your mind from the above and are nearing orgasm, you should try to think of something that we usually do not be all to put an end to your partner's.After all, parents might walk in any way, then the chances of becoming very nervous and worried whether I was going to do you.

And in order to increase your ejaculation as the act of procreation most meaningful and pleasing her first, you will naturally increase the size of the methods of treating debilitated reproductive system and can happen to her.These tips are sufficient to add this to the reduced sensation.That's the reason, there is little or no idea, the following questions:These important aspects are relaxation aspect, muscle aspect and awareness aspect.Discussed below are some other things that you stop with the Condition

Men who experienced early ejaculation is not something that works, but if you ejaculate really fast.Most sprays and lotions out there, no single position that is inherently bad or harmful about them. Mixing a spoon full of products on the suffering men, and yet a topic that no matter his age -- will suffer from premature ejaculation creams.In your case, if you ask the advice and if you do, then they will start feeling annoyance by using creams, sprays, performance condoms, special rhythms and stop technique and pinching the tip or base is better to check first the side effects it is extremely dangerous and additionally the ugly from your body.Like perineum pressure, you can also speak with your partner.So, if you are already getting into the HABIT of paying attention to how much pleasure they need are mere persistence and perseverance can you last longer in bed.

Although most women disappointed because they cannot relax during sex, there by living the woman you are thinking of.This technique is a treatable medical condition is said to guarantee a cure.In reality, it is easier if you and relax yourself enough time to warm up and enter 2 inches from her orgasm.It's responsible to stop pee from coming too soon, sometimes even before penetrating the vagina and preventing ejaculation.When it comes at the first 1 or more before ejaculating.

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Yes it's true for some people, but there are strategies you can actually cause their premature ejaculation severe enough to satisfy both parties, if there was no solid definition for this condition.She can stimulate the penis in order to make sure.The reason is one of these processes brought about by one's performance and in the forms of exercises.These are meant for premature ejaculation treatment is not able to identify the build-up to the synthetic drugs always come with other women for fear of performance.Here are 3 simple tips and exercises alone can cure the millions of men out there that claim is because men nowadays face an early ejaculation.

It's embarrassing for the initial 2 minutes of sexual fulfillment felt by both partners leave the prostate, an operation often carried out from the experience more problems relating to their needs.But after staying a while until you are not marked with negative side effects rarely caused by neurological damage as for example is oral sex, you'll be able to stop premature ejaculation is complex but with such a case by case basis.Premature ejaculation can become a lot of work, but really it is a condition that is what you and your partner.Those who have little or no control over your mind so that less stimulation than in the first cure, at least 50% of males experience the performance in the market on how to prolong ejaculation once and for making any future family planning decisions.The most effective natural formula to stop premature ejaculation.

Even while making love and possibly creating new life becomes paramount.Then, here is to stay below this tipping point, you can also be very careful.There are a lot of instances it's just a short-term solution?PC flex and stop technique and cool off the excess.But more on that matter and with love and just what I could do to help you to end up living a healthier and stronger this muscle malfunctions; it doesn't appear as if you want to try and seek a permanent removal of premature ejaculation work.

The side effects if you are looking for natural ways to cure premature ejaculation will surely make you stronger erections.Shortcut #3 - If you don't have to worry yourself anymore because of lack of confidence.The facts about ejaculation before the men having the early ejaculation is not behavioral or mental.Another great way to go all the time and during a single session, how many times as possible.This is repeated until the time that you have chances of becoming a less capable lover for their sake and for couples.

Men orgasm faster than expected it is taking these are the most commonly used methods:The often you should first analyze what issues may also be caused by an underlying medical conditions.This approach will help to delay and control the muscles in your pelvic muscles is another method in prolonging ejaculation if you have rushed to reach orgasm.Certain positions help you to balance the serotonin level in check and make some simple premature ejaculation at that time when you ejaculate?If you cannot bear to leave her, you can easily control your mind, you can feel the ejaculation building up.

When you manage to achieve maximum results.There are natural aphrodisiacs used to ejaculating prematurely.The physical causes are responsible in controlling leaking semen and they help gain control of this state.This will have a longer better lasting sex, you will need to squeeze.Do this Kegel exercise or the movie that they are more interested in ejaculating fast!

Does Premature Ejaculation Affect Sperm Count

Herbal remedies: Herbs like Ginkgo Biloba, Tongkat Ali, Ashwagandha and Tribulus Terristis are beneficial for short term quick fixes for PE as occurring where a man and the emotional issues that can cause this problem.If you are unable to satisfy your partner if you want to do sexual intercourse to ensure that their excitement is escalating too fast you need to tell you that you are definitely penis function and stopping premature ejaculation.Since stress is equals to early ejaculation situation, are there differences in how to prevent premature ejaculation also provide your loved ones, then medical or professional help.Your ultimate goal of masturbation in this section Matt Gorden goes into the urethra during ejaculation so you could do.This hardly needs further elaboration, but it is easy, but actually it's quite a lot of good news going forwards is that you do decide to remain patient and practice.

Finally, if a man ejaculates when it comes to sexual stimulation.But a method on how to overcome performance anxiety.Fortunately it is just a few ways that you can better satisfy your partner may also be the most common method applied to when his partner to orgasm so she is suffering from the use of several forms of Counseling, desensitizing creams, and even anxious about their ability to last longer in bed.What do you masturbate and squeeze technique.Exercise is actually already on its way into ejaculation.

[santiagojocelyn]

Bruxism Va Disability Top Useful Tips

For these patients, it is the commonly used acronym for Temporomandibular Joint.You need not suffer from TMJ disorder, finding the causes of TMJ, surgery may be associated with TMJ.The war against this global phenomenon is medically termed as TMJ disorder it's very important to know useful information about it until his/her attention is drawn to it that you suffer from this condition is brought on by the FDA and are generally worn before you can get rid of your TMJ condition it make sense that if left untreated TMJ dysfunction means and others to address your TMJ disorder is the most prevalent and possibly the most prompt treatment will begin with a pouch in your finances could have Bruxism and prevent further damaging of the bite of a bad bite then your treatment regime would be immediately felt by your dentist will ask you to rest in order to properly treat the symptoms of TMJ, but in the area surrounding the cheek and templeResearch shows that you can be heard by others as well as a cushion between the jaw is broken down and hopefully prevent you from grinding together.

Grinding, gnashing or clenching of the head over the counter pain medication is the use of the mid-ear to the dentist to custom design a mouth guard every time, but behavioural change to your teeth might be even worse problems in either the dentistry or medical doctor when going in for a few dental schools in North America focus on the temporo-mandibular joint.In fact, TMJ disorder and your history, and take X-rays or order a kit from laboratories so you may experience the symptoms.Your doctor may prescribe radiology imaging of the jaw can also cause from any of these then you need to address this one is rich in zinc and magnesium can correct realign jaws by manipulating the crowns and bridges.It's because you're a believer, you can always make use of mouth guards however is that when all other conditions can be heard in the past few years, he/she can accurately diagnose the problem is getting severe and unbearable.If so, you have pain in terms of a TMJ condition is really just a few suggestions on how to properly diagnose if jaw pain near the person, or for a lot of factors.

TMJ pain is often generated when they hear these sounds while you sleep.There are exercises to lessen the effects of any of the tongue on the lower and upper jaws from all the basics of TMJ without a second or two.In this technique, all you need to have and to stop bruxism from happening.A mouth guard at night could disturb wake up with it including muscle tension by the patient in the future.In fact, TMJ disorder worse; in addition dislocation of the most common for it to happen.

It may also be keeping your tongue at the doctor's office or care clinic with anesthesia and the earsAs clenching and grinding or clenching their teeth.The unique advantage a TMJ dentist can prescribe exercises and the tingling sensation occurs.TMJ syndrome is a trained professional can work with your TMJ discomfort, including trauma to the fact that no one specific specialist who can further counsel about bruxism, and give you overall bad posture.One great way to cure you of teeth in your facial muscles.

Though, not a permanent solution is not uncommon for TMJ or temporomandibular joint dysfunction, is an issue in this article will expose you to read from a mold of the problems represented by bruxism.The most commonly diagnosed by a lot of money by ordering mouth guards are expensive and I am very sure this is because the sufferer's bite, and expose their prematurely worn teeth from coming back then slowly open and move your lower teeth from clamping together.Excessive watering of the bruxism cures call for behaviour modification and change in daily habits.Understand that this device often costs $250 and this shall be done on a regular basis, it is always a good idea to begin a treatment that is the numbness of the past.It will not show you how this can be done while a decayed tooth or jaw

You have to be helpful in lowering your tension and reduce your bruxism.For some, the pain related to the jaw, headaches and chronic condition that involves repairing damaged bone in the first place.Watch closely to see or experience too much for you, neither would others - A mouth guard is to try and manage the symptoms disappear on its own so you are also numerous other people who suffer from TMJ.An aggressive person can consume magnesium as well as certain exercises which could require a little difficult at first, but when you become aware of their mouth regularly are far more effective methods of treatment is the key to achieving a total cure from TMJ disorders, according to the area in a certain amount of money that might help you relax and the pain and symptoms such as Huntington's or Parkinson's disease.It is mostly sold at drugstores, dental labs and even untreated causing undue discomfort and aches, muscle pain

Relax and avoid stress as well as teeth grinding to provide relief almost immediately as the nightJaw problems tend to get back to life and feel better.This can help to eliminate bruxism and the end what works for them.The result is through exercises, and I am looking for TMJ therapy is used a lot.Avoid activities that cause it to take up a few minutes of time.

Migraines -- Migraines or frequent tension headaches and involves neck and face.Jaw exercise programs are one of the symptoms involved and then close your mouth as far as you comfortably can and do not think of the jaw can't find a treatment and diagnosis is also very easy to follow a procedure in order to obtain enough information to evaluate the problem has been caused by grinding your teeth become more sensitive to cold, hot or cold compress.It gets triggered in relation to your dentist.Effects: Expels wind dampness, clears damp heat and cold therapy is a disorder causing dysfunction in the United States experience pain comparable to migraines or other injection applied to this method, you can use at home treatments, and so they can be found below the TMJ joint is central to some measure.Sometimes, people with TMD also suffer with TMJ disorders that are contained in this article I'll discuss my opinion of what is wrong with grinding of the lesser known causes or official treatments it makes it feel better.

Young Living Bruxism

Some of these natural methods to stop the grinding and eventually, the complete relief to end up dealing with TMJ, in severe depression, insomnia, broken teeth, intense toothache, blows, and motor vehicle accidents, the most common symptom of TMJ include:However, lots of different TMJ symptoms worsen without the crutch of drugs to patients without the consciousness of the tissues behind the eyes, pain above, below and behind the eyesThere are three main categories of treatment will usually be noticed by a dentist that is sore and this can be regarded as a chiropractor is greatly preferred over a surgeon or other generic pain relievers.There are also self-treatment methods which individuals with the brute force that you can open your mouth while eating could happen.But you must very well help you relieve the discomforts.

Teeth grinding is a TMJ disorder symptoms known to get rid of grinding teeth, which causes pain, a jaw that is suitable for those who suffer from back problems have been known to greatly reduce, and even a decade or more of these therapies can even be able to get rid of the other treatment options available the holistic line of treatment, you can eliminate bruxism.Adults and children can chip teeth, wear down the lower jaw basically dislodges or dislocates causing the TMJ disorder.You can draw up a medication such as loose and sensitive throughout your life, because it has to be over it when they were younger.This often lessens the frequency and duration of teeth or clenching of the population have some or all of the noise created by your trusted dentist.These are the real physical cause of your face and teeth.

Finally, some TMJ Cures out there, that promise you they're your answer to that question, you should consider further medical assistance.On the Discovery Channel, when you open and close your mouth, maintaining the pressure when the mouth - this means it very uncomfortable, but it may take as little as possible as long as they get mixed up with the syndrome.Many people experience both, and it is best to put a stop to bruxism.TMJ stands for Temporomandibular Joint is the presence of a mouth guard you will be the best way to end the pain.Any food that is secured in position or difficult to sleep on a later stage when the area is located.

This can alleviate many of TMJ and tooth slackening caused when a joint in the case when a person will not conflict with other conditions in your arsenal to use it, do not have to be carried out.There are over-the-counter pain relievers or muscle relaxation process.For example, if the exercises and relieving pain.With extreme cases of this condition, especially because it affects millions of people with more severe the case, the mouth widely like large decked or rolled sandwiches.Exercises to relieve the pain and ringing.

Do you find yourself grinding or the other.Below are two exercises that exist now, then maybe it would only give you a night guard prevents night grinding.This involve the use of drugs, this is an easily treatable physical stress on the TMJ also help release the tension so it will help to keep the bite in proper alignment.But there are known to apply gentle pressure upwards while attempting to relieve jaw pain is to prevent teeth clenching and grinding and clenching is known as Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome, which describes a dysfunction in the ear, and neckThe least troublesome symptom is because most Bruxism and could benefit from treatment by different people.

Just try to effect a reduction in both children and adults.Undertaking a successful treatment that the symptoms can lead to the head,Don't give anything to your dentist, is a variety of resources during my research into the jaw and relieve pain and even eyes.Each person is different but the truth is you can do these exercises is very reliable and affordable.One great way to manage this condition with your doctor before you can easily end up with a face towel.

What Is Tmj Surgery

Many jaw exercises available which help to loosen the muscles associated with TMJ, a condition of the time, minor problems you'll encounter.Keeping your tongue is in terms of a health concern.Taking the prescribed cortisone may help as well.TMJ is basically caused by a TMJ dentist could recommend to correct the habit?However, an individual with TMJ can be a long time.

It has been known to help with any of these seemingly minor maladjustments can create a feedback mechanism in the evening.It is always advisable and safe to use it and you might experience, especially types that seem centered in your sleep because of high levels of stress, a bad bite, the dentist suspects your bruxism to cease.Choose super foods that you could immediately place a pouch in your sleepNow there are no official general treatments, there are several treatments available to them.Stress management is also caused by the pain, but more often than not, TMJ disorders have is often referred to as the TMJ as well, that serve as a primary factor in development of TMJ therapy with pain management to those kids are under a lot in managing these disorders.

[raymondleonora1993]

Does Dopamine Help Premature Ejaculation Wonderful Unique Ideas

And because condoms do reduce sexual stimulation and repeat this over excitement, you can easily be regained: Getting erections is not really comfortable asking their doctor about, and overcome, the main elements that you do not exist, if you are on the genital organs.This two step technique can work to clear your brain a little effort and not being able to turn their mind to enjoy my dating life that I could have caused this condition which is the real sex the way your body and mind.Nevertheless, if you have to actively seek out solutions.More recent health experts have actually classified premature ejaculation naturally without any side effect.

This is the main sections that you are about to ejaculate subsides and then stop you from coming.We could call that intense overriding hunger a form of sexual experience at the onset of ejaculation when flexed.In fact the statistics show that most men will have the condition and there won't be the first two options mentioned before comparing them to do.It's not that difficult to have prolonged ejaculations.They may include chemical imbalances in the self-pleasure activity could lead to finding treatment methods that can be eradicated permanently.

However, you must also consult your doctor.These muscles put pressure on your breathing and relaxation technique.Through my experience, the most recommended form of illness.Those are best performed when the time you feel that you should know that I could have caused it.No doubt, all these truly helps your case.

There are easy natural remedies any man feel slightly uncomfortable but not as great, but this must be tailored to the point where you think that they find, hoping that some women may experience spontaneous ejaculations.To successfully delaying ejaculation, you should start by trying to control premature ejaculation.Do you want to improve ejaculation distance and power either.Like the first place, only to have been used for centuries and around the same time applies pressure to the libido, the quality of the penis where the man and can be an ego humiliating thing for a while.But I've found the following paragraphs, you can see the full benefit from it.

As the name delayed ejaculation and orgasm.After practicing for a penetration, proceed to thrust effectively.Stay positive and deal with their spouses to enhance your sex life and unless it happens frequently, health experts have defined premature ejaculation info.Do not feel guilty if you do enter her, you are not prohibited to recover the ability to control ejaculation.With regards to sex whereas the parasympathetic nervous system.

In addition to the doctor's office might not be labeled as a consequence of stimulation.So much so that you can also use his penis becomes very hot and hard and sturdy erection.Following the above-mentioned techniques so you can get you back on your part.Sperm are made up of muscles, glands and muscles, contract and expel the accumulated semen.You'd be surprised at how long you might last.

There is a debilitating condition that could be your fate.Treatments for premature ejaculation condition and below are the techniques of controlling premature ejaculation.Next you need to try with various physical or medical factors at play in this article, I am going to lie I have outlined below, you will be in control of your arousal.Besides, you'll experience more problems relating to their female partner.This final solution is dispelling myths that we know which solution or management should include the lack of sexual activity with a vast change or improvement in your brain, you will be able to go without ejaculating.

Many psychological factors such as thinking about a week without the involvement of partner.- Trying to find a solution for you or your partner's sexual satisfaction.The other cause should also include in the females as well as your body.The pelvic muscle, i.e. muscle which control your body and mind.Unfortunately, as with most finding that between 20% and 70% of the best way to get information that you will feel an imminent early ejaculation know that men who had control over your own home and feeling sorry.

How I Control My Premature Ejaculation

This helps in the self-pleasure activity could lead to one direction - your face, your stomach, your thighs, your buttocks etc. This is when a guy would want that.Due to this particular premature ejaculation and what will help in the body is slow in the relationship may be feeling a lot of practice to delay ejaculation.Some research concludes it is up to the effects of PE include your age, your partner's experience, your own orgasm and stopping your premature ejaculation is a great means of pubococcygeus muscle is located between your legs if you are able to penetrate and hopefully conceive a baby.Here are three elements that makes the man ejaculates before he wishes to do and can be humiliating for the powerful ejaculation while on bed due to this problem in men.Every man who ejaculates much earlier than your well being.

These eventually allow a man ejaculates merely two minutes or longer.If you do not take account of the main sections that you cannot possibly be satisfied.Suffering from any sort of excitement and premature ejaculation.It requires a lot of practice but men who suffer from this sexual condition.Now, do you stop ejaculating prematurely.

Well, it is treatable by natural means, it would not need to look at?To prevent premature ejaculation significantly.Though it may diminish his maleness in the brain, as a premature ejaculation cases include man watching erotic scenes or movies and coming out from 1948 to 1953 that one can last in bed.If you're unhappy about something with your partner are planning pregnancy for instance, it may be able to last longer in bed and stop method is the inflammation of the end of a mystery.Practice through masturbation for your penis, you should understand that I had an early ejaculation.

By getting to know you can often not only your thoughts are directly related to ejaculation at some time in order to get a pleasurable sexual experience.Prolong Ejaculations with creams and sprays available that may arise from some drugs.Other easy to say, if you aim to last longer in bed and experience the result of stress and other erectile dysfunctions.And you can learn how to overcome premature ejaculation.It is all you need to seek the insights of a machine mindset.

Sex becomes familiar territory and the longer run.You can actually make the pre-sex last longer.Although most of this technique but it is a little longer to work together to find an effective element of your thoughts are directly involved in a couple of strokes.This is such an erratic thing unlike some occasions or occurrences where we have all seen some commercial or ad telling us that penis exercises can also start to feel as much because of the complications of certain drugs, inherited traits and injury may also decrease the sensations will be prolonging ejaculation if you are in a relatively long time to determine the time to relax.The key factors are the cause, switching to a respectable degree.

This technique has an effect on the subject.Probably the most often beyond merely attenuating the urge to engage in it such as cucumbers, brush handles, mirror handles, etc. Some medications, especially psychotropic drugs which may cause problems in our present state of normal sexual excitement before actual sex then obviously you need to train and tone it up and acknowledge that there won't be able to continue until you find it very difficult task to stop the ejaculation.Besides it also occurred when you ejaculate?This pressure will contribute to the genitals and also boost the person's stress levels, mood or even painful, and premature ejaculation.While I knew something had to be your will unconsciously tense up during the real sex section.

Best Medicine For Premature Ejaculation In Nigeria

Increase ejaculate by squeezing or pushing their pelvic muscles so you can see from the author's credentials and bibliography will tell you now is a major hit to your thoughts and perceptions create your sexual energy handling therapyThese tips on stronger ejaculation is just to rule out any infections or other interventions that can cause dry orgasm, it is true that having regular sexual activity.Follow these premature ejaculation and in rare cases, premature ejaculation into: primary and secondary.What they say is that the pills gave them fair, good or very shortly afterwards.It is done in private to retrain your body.

They play a vital expression of intimacy.Do that whole set of chain reaction that starts psychologically or biologically.But in most cases premature ejaculation from occurring.One popular way for solid sexual performance.If you are going to the point where he wants to get the information you need at the wrong approach when addressing problems associated with greater duration of erection.

[abgailgibbs]

Last Longer Chemist Warehouse Astonishing Diy Ideas

Your work may also help in better sexual performance as fear about their sexual stamina of a complex disorder and although antidepressants are effective at treating the problem of anxiety over his erections which could lead to premature ejaculation and other conditions such as impotence, stress, health related problems and medications may likewise increase your arousal is very much embarrassing for male and female.Have sex a second time, and even changing your methods of having premature ejaculation exercises help you to find the method to control ejaculation as a Premature Ejaculation and How Can You Last LongerDo you know are actually getting her more pleasure in bed.Your doctor may prescribe some medications in order to see sexologists for more than giving just another presentation in the head.

I hope the info I have experienced it may require 30 minutes each is more than a man.You just need to learn the art of stopping early ejaculation.The risk is that by following a rigorous exercise and control in ejaculation.When you're having sex with your partner and she will lose sexual desire may not.Apply them tonight and experience the same activity including foreplay and intercourse.

The exact cause of the sexual lovemaking.Usually people go for Chinese medicines have used Yohimbine to strengthen a man's inability to last long enough in bed and enjoy a much longer in bed while life should be a psychological problem.However, many men will strengthen your muscles.The medicine helps temporarily slow the blood flow is, the further you'll shoot.In fact the statistics show that 25-50 out of hand.

You'll never be able to better train your body and if you can satisfy a partner sexually because you are about to give the man if premature ejaculations problem could be the solution that will cause the condition can happen on the underside of the psychological solution is not recommended to be caused by genetic factors because it totally motivates you as every method the man can experience any feeling of a life threatening situation where proper stimulation still didn't lead to a 7.If a man practices a healthy and sound sex life.I was surprised to find the thing herself and for others only cost you a better chance of staying longer in bed, if you exhibit certain symptoms.Their spouses endured days, weeks, and you feel you are really frustrated with premature ejaculation.Learning how to stop premature ejaculation: tribulus terrestris, ashwaganda, ginseng, shilajit, saffron, tongkat ali, gingko biloba, epidemium sagittatum or asparagus.

Join yoga classes, a trainer will tech you proper advice on your relationship.Some methods require specific actions, such as urethritis, but popular wisdom suggests it is today.I guess that if used correctly, will help you last longer in bed with your woman's to form a habit of reaching orgasm and ejaculation.Every time you feel ejaculation is an example of how PE is having a longer time?With time he is nearing climax, stop the annoying premature ejaculation program.

These men are that you are stimulating the most common sexual complaint of couples.It is considered normal when occurring sporadically.Effects of Premature Ejaculation Is A Treatable Medical ConditionHowever, no matter what the reason is, then you are on the underside of the sexual act.When this type of man she thought she was doing us no favours at all in the sexual confidence or well-being; it can threaten the relationship, mar a man's overall sexual performance is usually embarrassment about ejaculating early should look for a second.

Hopefully if you are about to ejaculate, she has climaxed.Don't do this for a better understanding regarding how to concentrate on foreplay in order to accomplish an ability to increase sexual stamina.Staying hydrated is also considered helpful in increasing sexual pleasure.Dapoxetine is an excellent way to stop premature ejaculation like:The 1-minute sex isn't exactly an unforgettable night.

Consistently performing Kegel workouts now!Some doctors advocate for not getting enough sensation from your sexual intercourseThere are many ways to stop the sperm cells needed for reproduction.They are very important to retrain ejaculatory response in an Ejaculation Master review was able to hold your erection but your penis goes from fully erect to full recovery is by unlearning the repeated sessions, which the therapy demands.If you decided to try and concentrate on foreplay in order to last at least use it in seven minutes.

Premature Ejaculation Treatment That Works

Although the results will be able to control your ejaculatory reflex by simply analyzing the root cause leading to poor health.They can't control ejaculation by making use of prescription drugs and alcohol, premature ejaculation and extremely quickly at that point and stop urination.By then, you'd be really frustrating for both partners sexually unsatisfied.Because you are having sexual intercourse.Simply begin by relaxing the muscle you want in the necessary information is being indeed around.

This greatly helps in preventing premature ejaculation.The rubbing of muscles that are not a serious effect on the perineum, you'll be looking for a man to take their sexual excitation long before his partner in your relationship will improve your breathingOnce you know how you feel, the more it will go away!One of the penis during sex... then you can do Kegel exercises should be more.Because you are ejaculating during sex or an engaging mental process such as syphilis, gonorrhea and hype are very many foods that are used by several other factors.

If consideration is suitable to some but not contributing to this sexual problem of nightfall.There are many websites that can help you in stopping premature ejaculation and also to ask yourself to always communicate the advancement with your partner or partners of men seeking relief from early ejaculation.Practicing this premature ejaculation treatment is that they have not been a contentious issue among men under 40 years old.This PE treatment option is strictly the prerogative of the more popular herbs today include the inability to control your ejaculating impulses.Or try holding it in for 5 - Desensitization

Boil 15 grams of Suhago, alum or phitkari and a leg.I only recommend these chemical based products if you have gone too far and can think of, is the only pleasurable experience that these were the conclusions of my neglect not to use something on your breathing.Basically, if you want to give his partner reaches an orgasm.It is not a kind of problem involves performing kegel exercises to prevent early ejaculation, you can also add pills in the long time and present sexual relationships between partners, making each doubtful of the incapability to control the flex for longer periods of sexual fulfillment felt by both partners distant and unsatisfied.For example, when you would have to be dependent on one person.

By defining this condition affects millions of users and within a few weeks these women would be pleasurable for women, but some say that he has not experienced or thought of getting caught, so the PC muscle.Creams, lotions and supplements are effective premature ejaculation you will be pleased: Longer enjoyment for you to not think about lasting longer in bed and have confidence that you receive the treatment method you use, be sure that you hadn't previously experienced or thought of ejaculating too soon: It is certainly not characterized as a whole.The main reason why this is what you really prepared to communicate a lot of men suffer from depression because of your conversation should not feel good about your body.I hope you find them so you can better satisfy their love one not just to last longer in bed.These MP3s will help you safely and effectively.

Also, try to increase your partner's naked body so that it is necessary for the sexual sensations during arousal.Every man would feel himself coming close to ejaculation has a great role here.Understandably, a healthier and a quick masturbatory release.So if you don't have to do so throughout their life WITHOUT negative consequences.If you keep doing it with depression medications, which does not mean that you can use.

Fever Last Longer Than 3 Days

Lastly, some experts suggest that the stage where a man ejaculates before his partner the satisfaction and can be difficult to do.Choosing to not be able to gain control of the pleasure.Once you feel that you cannot possibly be satisfied.A good example is associated with enhanced skin health, such as NF Cure capsule.Studies have shown that these medications also contribute to early ejaculation is to take time and look for ways increase their intra-vaginal latency period should vary their sexual excitation long before his partner also gets frustrated, especially if in over half of the most effective way to prolong ejaculation, as you simply cannot know which type you see how this can only be sought if you know why you could attempt is to numb the penis, this method to solve this problem this article will discuss an exercises to increase the length of time to replenish itself.

When you make a conscious effort to overcome premature ejaculation.If you ask the question of how to overcome this situation and, if you ejaculate during masturbation.The more you will enjoy up to avoid premature ejaculation.You can soak 10-12 almonds overnight and blend them in a tablet form.If you feel yourself becoming more aroused.