#hopefully everything is spelled correctly because I am tired

[mr-1-2-3-4]

Random stuff I made-

Also some old stuff-

[briamichellewrites]

48

Apples and avocados. That was Bria’s favorite saying. It meant ‘same thing but different.’ Mara had become good at translating what she said from all the time she spent with her. They were invited to come over to Muto and Donna’s for dinner. Jason would be there, along with his boyfriend, Jack. She was very excited about going because she loved her in-laws. They were family members to her.

Before leaving, her bag was packed with a diaper, wipes, an extra pair of clothing, a mat that folded up, her feeding tube supplies, medications, and a prepackaged meal. Her blanket was on her lap because it was cold outside. Jason was updated about her medical problems before they arrived. He remembered she needed a feeding tube and had epilepsy. Did she ever get another diagnosis?

No, Mike was going to make an appointment with a neurologist when he got home. Hopefully, they will be able to give them a diagnosis. Having the diagnosis would help them understand more clearly about her condition and outlook in the future. They knew things were going to get worse but they wanted to know the progression, so they could have a better idea of how to help her. What was her condition like now? She quietly told him about her needing diapers.

She was extremely embarrassed about it, so he was asked not to say anything to her or anyone else about it. He promised because he respected her too much. She was his little sister who just happened to be married to his brother. He would never do anything to hurt her or Mike.

Before dinner, they hung out together in the living room. Jason and Jack were very interested in how her monitor worked. Mara went through how it worked while pointing everything out. It was very sophisticated, but very easy for her to use. Instead of using a touchscreen, she used her eyes. She pointed at the little camera on top of the monitor.

“When she’s using the chat box, she just has to go to the letter she wants to use. If she was spelling out her name, she would go B-R-I-A. When she got to each letter, she blinked. She then goes over here to the ‘send’ button and the computer reads it. It then uses a program to translate her text into speech. She is very fast with it and she likes to amaze me with what she can do. Oh, there is also an option for her to switch from English to French.”

“That is so cool! Is it easier than the touchscreen you were using before?”

“Yes, it is better because I cannot move my arms anymore, so typing is very difficult. This is a lot easier. I can only move my eyes and my hands. Though, Joe says I have a very readable face.”

They laughed. She did. Did she get to go see Mike the other day? Yes, she did. She and Abbie went to the concert. They did not tell them they were coming because she wanted it to be a surprise. Were they surprised? Yes, very. They laughed. It was a very fun time. She liked watching them because she was very proud of them.

After the concert, they hung out in their dressing room until it was time to go. Brad let her use an extra pair of headphones during the show to protect her hearing. They brought her on stage for the last song. That was the coolest part of all. She was so tired when they got home but it took her a while to fall asleep because she was so hyped up. What did she do to fall asleep? She watched a calming movie. What movie? Titanic.

“I fell asleep when Jack saw Rose for the first time. I have that movie almost memorized. When did that movie come out? 1997?”

“Yeah, I think it did.”

“I remember when that movie came out because all the girls at school were talking about it.”

“How old were you”, Jack asked.

“I was sixteen years old. I think it came out in the summer, but I am not sure if I remember correctly. I might have seen it in the summer.”

They couldn’t remember, either. She guessed she was either fifteen or sixteen years old because she was born in January. Was she going to zoom around after dinner? Maybe. She might have to wait until she got home. During dinner, they continued engaging her in conversation while she used her feeding tube. Muto jokingly asked her which was better: feeding tube food or regular food.

Regular food. Did it taste the same? Apples and avocados. Jason asked what that meant, so Donna translated. It meant the same but different like how apples and avocados were both fruit but were different in taste. That made sense. They found out that Mike wanted a dog. He had been talking about it for months. What kind of dog did he want? He wanted a French bulldog. What did she think? She told him that whatever dog he got had to get along with cats.

She was thinking of surprising him with a puppy when he got home. That was a great idea. Mara suggested asking Abbie about going to the shelter. She was going to do that. They all promised to keep it a secret. They knew the dog would be well-loved and taken care of.

Especially considering how well they took care of her cats. Jack asked how many cats she had. Three. Tiny and Garfield were both eight years old. Rascal was two. The older two pretended she didn’t exist until they wanted food or attention. They laughed. Rascal was a teenager. Sometimes he liked them, sometimes he just wanted to cause trouble.

That sounded like a cat. When the bag was empty, Mara disconnected everything and closed her port. She then brought it over to the sink. Donna got up to see if she needed any help. She did need to have her diaper changed after eating.

Donna helped Mara with that. They spread out the mat and put a towel underneath her head. Donna held her hand and talked with her to provide a distraction because they both knew how much she hated it. Bria focused her attention on her. Thankfully, she didn’t need to change her pants. Her diaper wasn’t too dirty, which made changing it easier. After it was over, they helped her back into her wheelchair. That’s it? They laughed. Mara went over to wash her hands in the sink.

“Yeah. That wasn’t too bad. When we get home, all you have to do is get your pajamas on. What do you think about that?”

“I have come full circle. We should probably get back before Muto interrogates Jack.”

“You have been in this family a long time, Bria. You know us well”, Donna said.

Muto acted offended when he heard what she said about him. That’s not true! Haha. That as all she said. Jason laughed. If Mike was there, he would have thought it was hilarious! Before leaving, she and Mara said goodbye and thank you to them. It was almost eight thirty, so she needed to get home. It had been a very fun evening. It reminded them of why they loved Bria as an in-law. After closing the door, they went back to the living room.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia

[fallingfor-fics]

Teachers Pet- Prologue

All chapters

Its your sixth year here at Beauxbatons, but your mother has just informed you that your parents are getting divorced and you will be leaving your dad, meaning you have to move and transfer to Hogwarts. You were finally starting to feel grown and now everything is changing, but unbeknownst to you, the lonely potions professor will capture your heart and hold it for many years to come.

A Severus Snape fan fiction.

A/n hello, welcome to my first harry potter story, i'm going to start by saying all my knowledge is from the movies, some things/timelines may not line up correctly/aren't completely accurate or not mentioned but its to go with the flow of the story! thank you and enjoy!

I continued packing and sorting through all my belongings in my room while listening to music, attempting to drown out the cries and yells coming from downstairs. My mother had just announced to my father that she was leaving him and taking me with her. He was going to be left with nothing but the house and his things, I was okay with that though, he was nothing slight of an asshole. I sat down staring at a picture of me and my older sister when we were little, sitting in the same dusty plaid green sofa that sat in my living room at this very moment. I sighed as I briskly wiped a single tear that slid down my cheek, not wanting to be seen, I knew that was silly and that it was me simply being human, but my parents never showed much emotion around me, and my father often mocked those who expressed them, calling them weak minded for grieving or even crying for that matter. And my mother would often leave the room the minute she felt anything other than joy or anger, but she never fooled anyone, we always knew she walked away to cry silently alone. I remember vividly the first time I saw my mother cry. I was 7 and her father had passed away a couple days prior and we all went for a walk downtown, there was a candlelight vigil for some random old guy, but he had died from the same thing that took my grandfather from her. He wasn't around much when she was younger and he never bothered to meet my sister or I but I knew she still held tightly on the fond memories of him from when she was a girl. She began to walk away and me being clueless followed her, it was then I saw her taking out a handkerchief and wiping a few stray tears away. I reached my little hand up and rested it on her shoulder and told her it's ok, but she shrugged it off and told me to go back with my dad and keep walking. That's when I learned to just leave her alone anytime she was upset. I had never seen my father cry in my entire life until a couple months ago when his father was then taken from him, and even then it was only a few tears at his funeral which were quickly whisked away and never to be seen again. It was no surprise though.

I didn't dare go downstairs at the moment I knew my presence would only make things worse. Even amidst all this chaos neither of them shed a tear, which led me to believe they never really cared for each other the way parents were supposed to. It hurt watching the family being broken apart but what hurt the most was leaving Beauxbatons. I had just begun my sixth year there and I was so excited, I was almost done, I loved this school it was perfect for a girl like me, and I was dreading moving schools, but when I found out I was enrolling in Hogwarts I did a lot of research which wasn't easy, luckily I knew someone who worked there, or shall I say ran the whole thing. Albus Dumbledore, also known as my godfather, I know it may seem weird for me to have ever attended Beauxbatons, but my sister went there and my mother wanted me to follow in her footsteps, she wasn't happy about me transferring either, but she knew we needed to get far from my father.

   I got up off my creaky bed and gently waved my wand in the air and finished packing everything up, setting the picture frame in last and closing my suitcases. I stood still for a moment thinking over all the memories I had in this house, I had lived  here as long as I could remember and I was devastated to leave it. Especially in the care of my useless father. I tucked my h/c hair out of my face and behind my ear and muttered a spell which lifted my suitcases for me and began to quietly walk out of my room pausing in the doorway to listen for the muffled voices of my parents, I waited about three minutes and heard nothing assuming they either tired out from arguing or just got so mad they both stormed away. I turned to look into my room for one last time, admiring the homey feel it gave off, the light grey walls that I had just painted a year prior because I wanted a more "mature look" as opposed to the bright blue that had remained prior from when I was 10. I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed the door behind me, walking down the rickety stairs that creaked with every step, my luggage following close behind. I ran my hand along the railing, taking in every chip and crack from many times sliding down them with my sister.

As I approached the living room I noticed my father lazily plopped on the couch looking over a newspaper, visibly tired from the arguing he had just got done doing. "Where's mother?'' I asked in a small tone, careful not to startle him. "She's loading her stuff into the car...did you know she was going to take that too?" he asked with a clear tone of anger. "No actually I didn't." I said smirking sarcastically and heading out the front door. "Hey" I said with a small smile as I approached the car. My mother was hurriedly loading her stuff in and asking me to do as many spells as I could to fit it all in the small car. She didn't answer as she continued loading stuff in. "Need any help?" I asked using the same spells on my luggage and putting it in the front seat where my feet would go. "No y/n right now I just need your father to not be a fucking asshole" she spoke in a harsh but obviously exhausted tone. "Ha well only in our dreams right '' I said laughing slightly trying to lighten the mood. She just ignored it and shut the trunk of the car with a loud slam. "Keep slamming shit and you won't have a car to take from me!" I heard my dad holler from the house. I turned and faced the door where his voice boomed from and looked back at my mom, "Anything else we need?" I asked politely. "No that's all now go say goodbye I'll be waiting here in the car." she said sternly and got into the car without a second thought starting it up and waiting. I quickly went up the steps into my home and walked into my fathers line of view. "We are leaving now." I said with my hands on my hips staring at him as he continued to read the paper. "Mm" was all he said, I continued to stand there staring him down. "Is there anything else you want to say before we go?" I asked my patience growing thin as he continued to read the paper, slowly flipping the pages of the thin material and ignoring my questions. "Okay , well If not I'm going to go, hopefully I don't get in an accident and DIE on the way there" I said sarcastically seeing if it would lead him to saying even a simple "goodbye". No answer. "Ok, bye father. I am sorry things aren't different." I said as I walked away, as I passed the mantle on the fireplace I noticed a picture my mother had conveniently left behind, it was a family photo from a trip we all took when I was about 13, I picked it up and looked at it closely. We all looked so happy, there was still light in my eyes and love in my parents'. I looked over my shoulder at my father seeing he still had his nose in the paper and I put the picture in my bag I had draped on my shoulder.

I heard my mom honking the horn and looked up at the open door, I looked one last time back at my father before heading out to the front, closing the door behind me and heading down the step. I climbed  in the passenger seat and shut the door putting my bag in my lap and double checking I had my wand. I took the letter I had received from Dumbledore when he found out I was transferring and reviewed over the helpful words he had written to get me familiar with how things worked here. I studied the steps to get there and what to expect upon arrival. Since school had already started three weeks ago I knew I was going to have some catching up to do. I turned the paper over and muttered "aparecium" to myself to reveal the map of Hogwarts he put on the back so I wouldn't stick out like a first year who is lost and has no idea where anything is, even though I didn't have a clue.

" Are you excited?" my mother asked as we continued to drive to the train station. "Not particularly" I said looking out the window as we drove farther and farther away from the town I had spent my whole life in and grown to love. "I think you will find that you love Hogwarts, it's a lovely school according to Albus" she said, trying to get me to be more positive about the situation, but I just continued to stay silent. "Look y/n I know this is hard, it's not easy for me either, but this is a good thing, it's a new chapter for us, and you are going to meet so many new witches and wizards and you're going to make a lot of new memories!" she said looking over at me smiling. "I doubt it," I said trying to focus on anything else but the current situation. "Well I tried if you don't want to see this as a good thing fine, but I wasn't going to stick around with that dirt bag father of yours, I needed to make a choice on what's best for us." She said a hint of anger in her tone at my relentless and stubborn attitude. "I know I'm just sad," I said honestly as we approached the train station. I began to feel a nervous tickle in my chest, and not a good one, not only had I never gone through platform 9 ¾ but I had never even ridden a train. I mean it can't be too scary. Maybe it was the being alone part. "Ok we are here, are you ready?" my mother said parking and smiling at me. "Fuck no."

[beatlebachelor]

May I? : Cedric diggory x reader

summary: your Cedrics best friend and you begin to realise your genuine feelings for him after he enters the Tri-wizard tournament only to find out he feels the same. hufflepuff reader!

Warnings: possibly fluffy?

Word count: 2,257

Y/N - your name

Y/E/C - your eye colour

This is my first time writing one of these so if there is any way you think i could improve please feel free to give suggestions!

Its Monday morning, 9:10 to be precise, me and my friends Cedric, Hermione, Harry and Ron were all sat down having breakfast in the great hall. Despite the fact me and Cedric were in Hufflepuff and the other three were Gryffindor we always sat together. Cedric was two years older than us and did get teased about hanging out with third years but it didn’t bother him, he enjoyed our company. I often hoped he favoured mine especially.

After everyone had finished their food Dumbledore stood up to do his weekly Monday morning speech, but it felt different this morning. “Is that Bartemius Crouch?” Hermione inquired. “Who?” Harry said cautiously. As Hermione went to answer she was quickly interrupted by Dumbledore as his voice bellowed through to the other side of the hall.  

“Today, I get to announce something very special and to help me we have Sir Bartemius Crouch from The Ministry of Magic. Hogwarts has been selected to host a famous wizarding event. The Tri-Wizard Tournament!” suddenly there were many whistles, cheers and whispers coming from all four tables, me and Cedric looked at each other in immense delight but everything suddenly stopped when Dumbledore spoke again. “There have been some new rules put in place this year to ensure more safety for our students, after all this is a very dangerous competition. Sir Bartemius Crouch, if you will” a few small whispers formed from different areas of the hall. Ron whispered to us all “if any of you enter this competition ill be praying for you, this tournament is the real thing, so many people that have entered this died just from the first round” What Ron said shook me up a little, part of me knew that Cedric would give into whatever temptation he had to enter.

After all the whispers had finished Bartemius walked up to stand beside Dumbledore. He pulled out a small piece of paper from his pocket where he had obviously written a speech. The room began to feel slightly tense. “From this year onward those who enter and compete in the Tri-wizard tournament must be at least 17 years old-” He was suddenly cut off by the majority of the hall shouting and screaming at him. Me, Harry, Hermione and Ron weren't phased by the new rule. None of us were of age anyway and if we were we wouldn’t have entered. Cedric however appeared to be very pleased with himself, he was 17, he could compete, he wasn’t my boyfriend or anything but id known him for ages. What if he entered and got hurt, I don’t want to stop him from doing something he is interested in though because that wouldn’t be fair.

When we all left the hall I went straight to dark arts, I didn’t speak a word to Cedric in fear that if I did I would just break down and cry. I didn’t want to ruin anything for him because I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to win that cup, and if he wanted it then I would want it for him. After all I was his closest friend, friend... that never felt nice to say.

In dark arts I could barely focus, all I could think about was if I liked Cedric, I had known him for so long and never thought about whether how I felt about him was more than just friendship. I mean would it be so bad if I liked him? I couldn’t get him out of my head. UGGGGHHH this is so frustrating. The thought always did cross my mind about how perfect his face was, everything about him in fact, I couldn’t think of a single flaw no matter how hard I tried.

By the time lunch came I still hadn't made up my mind on if I actually fancied Cedric, I mean come on, am I really going to be like every other girl in this school and fall for his charm. And as if he’d ever like me back, by the looks of it he’s probably into one of the Beaxbatons Academy girls just like the rest of the boys in this place. In all fairness it is rather enjoyable to watch them walk, how do they always look like they are floating? Besides the point! Hopefully I'm just unwell, surely that’s the only explanation.

I went straight back to the common room, anything to avoid Cedric, even if it was missing lunch. However, it appeared my plan to avoid Cedric had failed when I walked in to see him sat on the sofa next to the fire. Just him, no one else. “Are you ok?” I asked with a shake in my voice. “Y/N I wanted to talk to you. We have been friends for ages which is why I want your opinion, I trust you” I felt a small flutter of butterflies in my stomach and proceeded to say “you trust me? I mean emm what is it?” that made me feel rather embarrassed. “Well, I was thinking of entering the Tri-wizard tournament but i know how dangerous it is and idk if I'm capable of the magic I will need to protect myself. I also don’t want to hurt anyone if something bad were to happen to me” A horrible feeling formed in my stomach and slowly moved to my throat. The thought of Cedric getting hurt made me feel sick. “Cedric don’t be silly. Your one of the most talented wizards in this whole school and you seriously think you wouldn’t be able to protect yourself. If its what you want then we all want it for you and I will help in whatever way I can to ensure you win” I said that full of confidence, I really did mean it, every word. “Youve always been there for me Y/N, I genuinely don't know what I would do without you” He pulled me in for a hug, I always loved our hugs, my head would always fall in the right place on his chest. He smells so good, almost a musky bark smell with a hint of vanilla. I wondered if he thought the same.

A week passed and it was time for the champions on the Tri-wizard tournament to be announced. First the champion of Beaxbatons, Fleur Delacour. Next the Durmstrang champion, Victor Krum. As the paper for the Hogwarts champion floated down into Dumbledores hand my stomach sunk but then I felt a slight warmth on my hand, I looked down and it was Cedric. He had interlocked his fingers into mine and was gently squeezing them with excitement, I turned to him and smiled he looked directly into my eyes with a slight smirk as his cheeks flushed pink.

Dumbledore read out the name on the paper “And finally the Hogwarts champion is, Cedric Diggory” Cedrics face lit up with pure joy, so did mine, his iridescent blue eyes glistening. He hugged me so tightly for only about 2 seconds, but there it was again, that smell, his scent makes me feel so warm inside. He let go and stood up to go shake Dumbledores hand. Everyone was cheering, mainly the girls, of course it was the girls.

Another week went by and we had been preparing for his first task, dragons, I don’t know what would've happened to Cedric if Harry didn't tip him off. We practised basic spells on how to defend himself against them for hours and hours. Now we would have to see if he remembered them. Whilst in the tent I stayed with Cedric, he asked me to, his words were “your the only one who can keep me calm” After he had picked out his dragon the canon went off, Cedrics eyes glazed over slightly as he turned and gently kissed me on the forehead. He had never done that before, maybe it was just out of nerves. So many thoughts rushed through my head, surely Cedric didn’t like me? By the time I had gathered my thoughts he had already gone. I ran to my place in the audience, right next to Hermione. She asked what took me so long. I didn’t want to tell her but at the same time I did, I gave her a brisk hug and began to watch Cedric in hope that he would succeed and taking the egg.

Cedric managed to complete the first task unharmed within what seemed about 15 minutes. I was so proud of him. When we were all back at the common room I realised I needed to talk to Cedric, about all the hugs and the forehead kiss and most importantly, how I felt, I waited for everyone to head to their rooms and asked Cedric to stay behind. We sat on the sofa with the fire crackling beside us. “I'm so happy you passed the first challenge, I'm really impressed” I paused for a second thinking of how I was meant to say what I needed to say, but then he cut me off. “Y/N, about earlier, when I kissed you on your forehead, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Recently Ive realised how much you mean to me and I don’t want to do anything that your not ok with. I'm sorry if this is forward but I really do like you, its everything about you. Your hair, your smell, your Y/E/C eyes. I'm sorry I sound so stupid right now” A rush of emotions came over me, was I hearing this correctly, did I fall asleep and I'm actually just dreaming. “Cedric, I feel exactly the same, I didn’t want to tell you in case you didn’t feel the same way and then it was too awkward to continue being friends. That’s why I asked you to stay down here with me for a bit” Cedrics cheeks were bright red and he had a happy/embarrassed expression on his face, I could tell mine was doing the exact same. He held onto my hand again, it felt so natural, I usually wasn’t all for the idea of being touched often but when Cedric did it everything felt ok.  

A couple hours passed whilst we were just chatting and even played a game of wizards chess. After I began to get tired he walked me to my room holding my hand all the way. When I got to the door he stopped. ”Y/N would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me” I didn’t even have to think “Yes Cedric, I would” He hugged me and let me go into my room.

We practised for the dance for the next two weeks, it was so fun, we rarely took it seriously but that was what made it even better.

Finally, I hope our practise for the dance was worth while considering I have two left feet. I had just finished getting ready, I wore a flowy light blue dress with a few pale pink and beige tones. As I walked down the stairs I bumped into Hermione. She looked so beautiful, her hair was so perfectly done and she was wearing the prettiest pink dress. Had I not made a big enough effort? We continued to walk down the stairs and I noticed Krum was waiting for Hermione, I couldn’t see Cedric so I stood and waited with them both for a bit. And then, there he was, he looked as handsome as ever in his dress robes, a wide smile formed on his face when he looked at me. He slowly walked over “you look absolutely stunning Y/N” he said whilst gently holding onto both of my hands. “Don't look too shabby yourself” I said with a little giggle, he laughed too, he always did tell me that my laugh was contagious.  

Once everyone was gathered in the great hall the champions and their partners were ordered to enter as we were the first to dance. We took position. Staring into Cedrics eyes as he held onto my waist made me feel as if we were the only two people in the room, I wasn’t worried, in fact I didn’t feel anything but joy. The music began and we set off. The more I continued to look into his eyes the more natural the dancing felt. Every time he lifted me into the air butterflies formed in my stomach, my dream was always to be able to dance in a ball with a gorgeous boy and now, my dream was coming true.

As the night grew longer me and Cedric remained in the hall dancing for hours upon hours. Eventually we sat down “Tonight has been really fun Y/N” he started “i actually have something to ask you, well Ive been meaning to ask it for a while now actually.” There was only one thing on my mind “sure go ahead” Cedric slowly stood up holding my hand causing me to stand up too. He gently moved the hair from out of my face and put it behind my ear and the proceeded to place his hand on my cheek. His hands were so soft, I could feel the warmth on my skin. My heart was beating so fast. I saw him open his mouth as if he was too scared to say what he wanted to. “May I kiss you” he said silently in a slightly shaky voice. I leaned in closer to him, my lips very nearly touching his. “...yes”

[quill-and-chalk]

I decided to just post my fanfic on tumblr cause why not, also cause I think it pairs well with the latest Episode. (Like a fine wine) Also if you don’t like reading fanfic via tumblr it’s also on my AO3

Home CH1: Winners aren’t usually covered in dirt

Luz felt the magical energy zoom past her ear. If that had been a few inches closer to her face, she would have been done for. Her breath was getting heavy. How long had they been fighting? It felt like hours, but Luz knew it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes.

"Are you getting tired?" The Golden Guard asked. Luz noticed a little smirk appear on his face. She couldn't give in that easily.

"You wish!" She yelled as her staff glowed, and a fiery ball of magic made its way towards her opponent. Yet, he redirected it with a simple swish of his staff. Luz could feel herself getting tired and annoyed. She grumbled as she clumsily fired fireball after fireball, each one getting redirected or dodged.

"Oh, Come on, is that the best you got?" The boy twirled his staff as plants began to sprout around Luz's feat, holding her in place. She could feel the roots digging into her ankles as they crawled up her legs. She tried to pull away, but the magic was too strong.

"Oh, come on!" She complained as she stabbed her staff into the ground. It glowed red as icy spikes made their way towards the Golden Guard. He easily dodged the oncoming attack and rushed towards her. Before Luz could blink, he was standing in front of her, staff at her throat.

There was a quiet moment. The arena was silent as they both waited for the other to speak.

"Fine, I give in," Luz said as she gently pushed Hunter's staff away, "Just help me get these vines off."

Hunter smiled, reveling in his small victory, as he made the vines disappear with one swift motion of his staff. The moment Luz was untangled, she fell to the ground and let herself catch her breath. She felt the coarse dirt of the castle courtyard on her skin as well as the new aches and pains she got from that fight. She was going to be sore tomorrow.

"How do you not get tired?" Luz asked as she gasped for more air. She could barely get through a 15-minute fight, yet she knew Hunter had been in battles that lasted for hours.

"I don't know," Hunter said as he held out his hand for Luz, "You just kinda... get used to it."

Luz took his hand and pulled herself up. She brushed off the dust that accumulated on her light blue cloak and uniform. She honestly looked like a mess, with her sweaty hair, bruises, and dirt stains. Of course, Hunter looked nearly spotless, as he usually did after they sparred. If Luz was being honest, she was getting a bit tired of constantly losing to him.

"When did you learn that plant trick?" Luz asked as she went to grab her things. She had read about a spell like that but hadn't gotten around to learning it yet, and had assumed Hunter never bothered to learn it either.

Clearly, she was wrong.

"This morning, actually! That was my first time trying it out." Hunter said, a bit proud of himself, as he picked up a few of his books. They all looked new, and Luz had to wonder how often this man was hitting up the library. She would be lying if she said she didn't notice the constant bags under his eyes. He always seemed to be lacking sleep, grabbing quick naps whenever he could. Plus, he always seemed to be trying out new spells. Could all of this be because he was studying too much?

"So whatcha reading?" Luz asked as she grabbed one of the books from his hands. She glanced at the cover to see what he was reading, 'The Magic of the Savage Ages: A History of Wild Magic'

Before Luz could ask questions, Hunter had snatched the book out of her hands, "What the heck, Luz? Don't you know not to take things from people?"

Luz thought about questioning him. Hunter told her everything, so why was he being so secretive about this? Though judging by the way he was now clutching his books to his chest, she figured it best not to ask him about it.

Hunter cleared his throat as he gathered more of his things. He clearly wanted to change the subject, "Didn't Belos say he wanted to meet with you today?"

Luz's eyes lit up when he said this, "Yes! And I think it's good news about the portal!" She then took a pause, her face deep in thought, "And I told him I would meet him in fifteen minutes! I have to run!"

She then began to dash across the courtyard, still covered in dirt and sweat from training. She ran past guards who weren't that surprised to see Luz rushing past them. I mean, the girl wasn't known for being punctual. She could hear her black boots clicking on the castle floors as she weaved her way through the hallways. But just as she was about to turn a final corner, someone walked right into her.

They both hit the cold ground with a thud.

Luz looked over to see a familiar green-haired witch and realized the person she bumped into was none other than Amity Blight herself, "Heeeyy Amity," Luz said as she picked up the girl's things.

Blight's eyes looked over the messy girl holding her stack of books and papers with disgust. She carefully took her stuff from Luz's hand, extra careful not to touch the dirt, "Luz," She infused the name with annoyance.

You could say they had a bit of a rivalry.

"So, did you just have a class with Lilith?" Luz asked. She really didn't have time for this, and she knew it, but she didn't want to crash into Amity and runoff. That would be rude.

"Yes, it just finished, and did you just get done rolling around in the dirt?" She asked as she brushed some dirt off one of her books.

A flush of embarrassment went across Luz's face, "Well, me and the Golden Guard were actually sparing in the courtyard,"

" Did you lose?" Amity asked with an eyebrow raised. The worst part about it was the confidence in her voice. It's things like that that made Luz despise Amity.

"How do you know I lost?" Luz asked.

"Winners aren't typically covered in dirt and bruises," With that final statement, and a very dramatic flip of her hair, she walked off. She didn't even leave time for Luz to rebuttal.

No matter, Luz had places to be anyway. She decided that Amity was, somewhat, right; in the fact that Luz shouldn't walk up to Belos covered in dirt. She swirled her staff around, and magically an illusion spell covered her body. It adjusted her short curly hair, and it made her blue jumper look pristine and fresh.

She admired her handy work before she began to run towards Belos' chamber once again, and this time made it without a hitch. She braced herself before opening the doors.

They sounded heavy as they slowly creaked open. The Emperor's room always smelled like they were trying to hide the scent of decay. Which, to be fair, they were. But when you have a dead titans heart in your throne room, there's not much you can do about the smell.

"Hello, Luz," Belos' voice rang through the throne room, and its sound reminded Luz of someone talking in an empty cathedral, "I have some good news for you."

Luz gave a smile, "What is it?" She asked out of nicety, but she knew what he was going to say. She had heard someone from the emperor's coven discussing it in the hallways yesterday.

"We found the witch who stole the portal; now it's just a matter of obtaining it," He began to walk towards Luz and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, "After ten years, you can finally go back home."

Luz had to bite back a squeal as Belos told her the news. She could finally see her Mom, she could go to human school, and maybe she could finally see a giraffe! There were so many things rushing through her head, but she had to stay calm because Belos was no doubt about to send her on a mission to retrieve the portal. So she straightened herself up and was prepared to be sent on her first task. She waited for him to say the word, but then...

"I'm sending Lilith to retrieve the portal, so, hopefully, we will have it in a few day's time."

Luz had to make sure she heard him correctly. Why was he sending Lilith? She's been training for this her whole life for this moment, and, if she's being honest, she didn't think Lilith was the type to get her hands dirty on a task like this.

Before she could think about it, the words were shooting out of her mouth, "What do you mean you're sending Lilith?"

The words echoed in the quiet throne room. She covered her mouth, but it was too late. Belos turned his full attention towards her, his mask giving Luz a cold dead stare. Luz felt her shoulders tense as she realized she not only spoke out of turn but questioned his decisions as well.

But Belos didn't get mad like she thought he would. His voice turned strangely warm, and he placed his cold metallic hand on her cheek, "Oh Luz, I know you want to go out there and find this portal, but I have my reasons for sending Lilith on this mission. She needs to prove herself to me. And besides, you know that I am only doing what's best for you, right?"

"Yes, Belos," Luz said as he pulled his hand away.

"Then it's settled," Belos' voice evened out again, morphing right back into his stern and decisive tone, "I will call you back when we have more information, but until then you are dismissed."

He waved her away, and that was it. Luz walked out of the room and heard the heavy doors close behind her.

She didn't know why but she always felt empty when she talked to Belos about going back. There was this tugging on her heart she could never get to go away.

Only one thing sorta-cured this emptiness was reading about the human world. She couldn't count how many times she had snuck into the library as a child, staying up late to read just one more page about humans.

She made her way to the palace library, which took up almost the whole upper west wing. It was filled with dust-covered books, some she was convinced had never been read. It had towering shelves that smelled of worn leather and crisp pages.

As she made her way to the human section of the library she saw Hunter from the corner of her eye. He seemed to be buried in a book about wild magic, and she noticed he was mumbling something to himself. He was so focused on his reading that he didn't even see Luz.

Perfect.

Luz crept towards him, trying to keep as quiet as possible. She ducked behind a row of shelves that stood only a few feet away from him. She took a few moments before leaping out from behind the books, "Caught you red-handed!"

"Aggghhh!" Hunter yelled as he almost fell out of his seat. He took a moment to realize it was Luz, "Titan, Luz, you can't scare me like that."

"I can, and I did," Luz chuckled. She could see the title of the book he was reading now, 'The Full Effects of Wild Magic.' She looked at Hunter, who looked down at the book then back at her. There was a tight silence because they both knew the question that lingered in the air.

Luz finally broke the silence, "Why are you reading about wild magic?"

She and Hunter both heard the stories of wild magic gone wrong. She even heard rumors of witches who went crazy because of it. Plus, the practice was outdated anyway, and they had no use for it now. So you could say she found it a little suspicious that Hunter took such an... interest in it.

"I just," He paused and looked at Luz for a moment. He seemed to be debating whether he could trust her or not. He finally made a decision, " Belos doesn't want me too but I want to see if I can help him. Wild magic hurt him so maybe... it can cure him as well."

He looked to Luz hoping she would understand. She had to because if she didn't she might rat him out to Belos, and he wasn't looking forward to that conversation.

After a few seconds of silence, he seemed to regret his decision, "Please don't tell Belos; if he found out, he would get super mad."

"Hunter..." She looked dead into his eyes; her face was serious, "This. Sounds. So. Cool!"

She plopped herself down into the chair next to him, "I mean, I was worried you were becoming some anti-coven witch, but this sounds great! You have to let me help."

Hunter gave her a quizzical look, "You really want to help?"

"Yea," Luz said, picking up one of the books from the small pile next to him, " Why not? Belos has helped me for so long, I feel like I should pay him back. Ya know."

"I know what you mean," Hunter said as he returned to his book. Luz also decided she should crack open the book she was reading. They remained like that for a few minutes before Hunter suddenly looked up.

"Why were you in the library anyway?"

Luz thought for a moment and decided not to tell Hunter about why she came here. It was embarrassing to her because she felt a bit stupid finding comfort in a bunch of old books and scientific papers, "Oh no reason,"

"So I tell you everything, but you get to be all secretive?"

"Hunter, for once, you are correct," Luz chuckled before returning to her book. Hunter really didn't need to know why Luz came to the library because he would never understand. Also, it didn't matter why Luz came anyway; because that emptiness began to fade away as she and Hunter sat together in comfortable silence.

[poisonously-alluring-sev]

Snape One Shots ~ A Touch Of Blue

Summary: Cloe has been hiding some strong feelings for her professor. Soon her friends will find out this hidden secret and maybe, just maybe, Cloe and Severus can make their much needed relationship work.

Pairing: Snape x Female

Warnings: Swearing and such

Time: Half-Blood Prince

Word Count: 8100

Recommended Song: False God by Taylor Swift

Main Character: Cloe Todd; sixth year; Ravenclaw; Leo; long black wavy hair; bright blue eyes; tall thin figure; low self-esteem

The day was Friday night and nobody had classes until Monday morning, but I had taken all week to handwrite a letter to Professor Snape because... Well... It really isn't easy to hide a crush that you have on a teacher from your best friends let alone have them keep their mouths shut about it around people so you kind of have to take things into your own hands, like what I am doing. Writing a letter to be sent to Snape at 11 pm where he will hopefully not chase Hope, my owl, back to my room. I read over the letter I had written to make sure that I had spelled everything correctly and I had made the sentences sound realistic hoping that he wouldn't slap me across the head right when I got into class on Monday or search for me over the weekend. I warmed up some black wax, put the letter into an empty envelope and pressed the hot wax onto the sem and then painted some gold glitter on the rose that the wax press left. I whistled for Hope and gave it to her and told her,

"To Severus Snape, and don't mess this up." She flies out of my window and I took this moment to go to sleep and if there was a response waiting for me the next morning we'll see if I have enough time to even look for it since Luna will want to take me to Hogsmeade bright and early.

****The Next Morning****

I woke up to the sound of someone trying to play my piano but failing miserably. I opened my eyes and saw Cho gently tapping on the keys trying to find a good rhythm that made sense, but to be honest she was having a hard time trying to figure it out. I groaned when she hit a flat note and she turned over to look at me.

"Ugh, thank gosh you're awake, Luna won't stop sending messages to ask me if you had woken up already."

"And thank gosh you stopped playing." I chuckled as Cho just frowned at me.

"I'm trying my best alright?" I chuckled again and got up to go to the bathroom. I put on some fairly normal muggle clothes which are only black and wrapped my hair up in a bun since I was too tired to go and have a shower before meeting Luna in the courtyard. I grabbed my combat boots, a bennie and throw on my light grey jacket and left the common room hoping I wouldn't run into anybody knowing about what I sent to Snape last night. I made my way through the hallways saying hello and good morning to the professors that I knew and finally found myself walking towards Luna where she ran up to me and grabbed my arm.

"Come on! We can't waste any more time!" She said before she started to drag me alongside her as she starts to move at a jogging pace.

"What is SO important that I have to wake up this early and run to Hogsmeade with you for?"

"We have to prepare for your first date dummy!" I stopped in my tracks which made Luna slow down very quickly and turn towards me.

"No, I am NOT going on any dates you have planned Lovegood."

"Oh come on Clo! You'll love him!" I let go of her hand and said back,

"I most especially will not! You know I'm not the kind of person to do these types of things." She sighed and responded with,

"Trust me, once I am able to hook you up with Snape-" I cut her off right when she finished saying his name.

"Shh!" I looked around and saw a few people walking in front of us not even look back at us like we weren't even here. I looked back at Luna and said,

"When and IF you do it better not be a joke or some shit like that." She laughed and said with her airy voice,

"That would be a funny joke, but I wouldn't want to hurt you in the process. I also know that you sent him a letter." My eyes widened at her last comment.

"How?" She patted my back as we started to walk again.

"I saw your failed letters, but don't worry I think you probably did a good job." She smiled and not as a joke, but she was being serious. I smiled back and we started to talk about some other stuff as we made our way to Hogsmeade. Once we got there Luna needed some new books first and foremost so we went and got those spending 20 minutes of the day, but I honestly was NOT ready to see what she had planned for me today. After a few more minutes walking around she finally brought me into a store which was actually a tailor store for formal wear, now I was starting to panic.

I better not have to wear a damn lace red dress for this.

After Luna dragged me around for about half an hour trying to find a dress for her she then finally moved on looking for one for me. At first, I hated it to the point that I was ready to just disappear and leave Luna here, but of course, she wasn't going to let that happen and sooner than later I started to have fun with trying on dresses. Luna would say things like, "Just imagine walking into a ballroom wearing this! You would win all of the guy's hearts!" or "Snape would fall over on his face if he saw you wearing that." After a while, she started to bring up my confidence in dress shopping and at one point I didn't even realize that we had missed lunch. I finally had the thought of what this was all for and asked Luna.

"The Yule Ball of course! I know you wanted to go just for fun, but I think you should try to grab someone's attention while you're there." She then winked at me as she pushed me back into the dressing room. After that Luna had given me a few more dresses to try on, but I wasn't too comfortable with how much flesh they were showing off whereas Cho really wanted me to wear them. I went around the store one more time to try and find the perfect dress and I finally found it. It was a nice pearl blue with a tad bit of beads on it. I ran to the open dressing room and throw it on as quickly as I could, once I was finished putting it on I can out and showed Luna and Cho who both gasped at the dress, I also added in a quick spin to make the dress flow in the thin air. Yes it didn't really have much holding the dress up and I didn't need to wear a bra, but it definitely was the dress I was going to buy.

Luna loved the dress and once we got back to Hogwarts she made Cho and I do kind of like a fashion show with the dresses we all picked out and because Cho is Cho she told us that we all should get pearl blue dresses to match each other at the ball in a few weeks. But of course, Luna then came up with another idea where I would have the lighter coloured dress and be in the front of the group, like V-formation, and Luna and Cho would have darker dresses and be on my left and right sides as we entered the ball.

After we had dinner and I jammed out a bit on my guitar I was pretty bored and decided to take a walk around the school just because I could. Soon I left the common room and decided to start my walk on the top floor near the Ravenclaw common room and to also get a beautiful few of the school grounds from the top of the astronomy tower as the sunset. I made my way up the steep stairs and sat on the railing that viewed the Black Lake with the sun coming down reflecting off of the water making everything look gorgeous. I took this moment to just relax and breathe deeply, I didn't have enough time to think about what Professor Snape would say to me about my letter since I was busy dress shopping, but now my mind was ready to just relax and calm down so I wouldn't be so stressed about it if I thought about it at this moment. As I watched the sunset disappear under the horizon and have the darkness of the nightfall over the school I walked around the lower east part of the school making my way to the courtyard I heard an owl screech coming from my right and saw a deep grey giant bird about to fly into me, but flew up and dropped what he was asked to deliver on my head. After I stared down the owl as it flew away I opened the letter, but before taking it out of the envelope I made sure that it was my name on the front. Then my heart started to pound at a crazy strong rate so much that I could feel and hear in it my forehead. It was my name written in Snape's handwriting. I ran back to my dorm room praying that Cho and Luna were at least in the common room so then they could read the letter before I do instead of me waiting around for them or just reading it myself and feeling hurt and scared by myself. Thankfully Luna was sitting on a chair near a window and I quickly grabbed her arm and pull her up the stairs, once we got into the dorm Cho was reading as well along with studying Herbology. I sat them down in front of me on the floor while I rocked back and forth basically having a panic attack as they read what Snape had to say in response. After a few minutes of them reading and me trying to breathe normally and keep my heart rate low they finally looked at each other and whispering quietly until they both looked at me and then gave me the letter. As I was reading my heart and breathing weren't staying stable, but Luna was trying to do her best as I read it. To sum up the letter in response he just addressed what I had said and wants to meet up with me to talk about it. As I was trying to calm myself down as my mind was racing with thoughts of him going to yell at me, tell Dumbledore or punish me in some way or another. Cho read over the letter, again and again, Luna was rubbing my back and trying to calm me down by playing music and singing along with it. Her voice has helped me calm down from a panic attack before so it clearly works, but I wasn't so sure about this time. After about 20 more minutes of Cho and Luna talking about what the letter could mean and breaking it down I was slowly feeling very tired and felt like trying to fall asleep. Luna told me what time it was and after I got under my blankets Luna kept singing lightly and rubbing my back as I slowly drifted into sleep.

Waking up the next morning was hard since I really wasn't up for leaving my bed when I might run into Snape and get screamed at in the hallways. Luna had convinced me to at least go have a shower and all of that jazz before breakfast which I'm guessing she was going to try to convince me to go to as well. I put on my black muggle clothes and put my hair up in a messy braid, but Luna said otherwise. She had me sit down on the bathroom counter as she curled my hair and put on some light, but visible green and black eyeshadow. I was confused about why she was dressing me up when I was just going to be in here for most of the day besides meals, so I asked her.

"Well, if you do run into Snape, not saying you will, but if you do, I think that you should look your best casually and maybe, just maybe if he isn't happy about what you sent in that letter then he will see you and think 'damn maybe I should at least give her a shot' and then bam true love." She giggled and I said back in response,

"Umm, I don't think that's how love works."

"I know, but it's the best way I can think to explain it to you." As she finished to my hair and all of that jazz I started to think about what he might say if my looks changed his mind. I smiled to myself and I guess Luna noticed and she smiled as well. We walked to the Great Hall and sat in our normal spots at our normal time before everyone arrives all at once. Cho came along soon after and was talking to her other friends who I never talked to before and Neville Longbottom came and sat on the other side of Luna. After a few more minutes students and teachers started to flow into the Great Hall and took their seats before our breakfast magically appeared in front of us. Once everyone was in their seats and Dumbledore talked for a few minutes our food arrived and people started filling up their plates and started up conversations with one another. Just out of curiosity I looked up to the professors' table and scanned my way through the teachers until my eyes locked with someone, it was Snape. He was already looking at me before I glanced his way, but as soon as we made eye contact Luna tapped my shoulder and brought me back to the conversation we were having. I tried my best to keep my eyes away from the teacher's table and started up any kind of conversation that I could to distract myself from looking up there. After about 15 minutes half of the students had finished and left the Great Hall me being one of them. As I stood up to leave a tall and dressed in black person was right in front of me, I looked up to who it was to ask them to move so I could walk past, but my voice was caught up in my throat when I saw that it was Professor Snape. We looked at each other for a few seconds then he spoke first and said,

"Ms. Todd." I could only respond with,

"Professor." Then I slipped past him and walked away with a little more speed to my step. As I was nearing the entrance of the Great Hall ready to start running once I got out of there to the common room I left someone staring at me and I knew it was Snape, but then in the back of my head it felt like someone was trying to fight off my mind and look into it. The feeling only lasted until I rounded the corner and was out of the sight of whoever was doing that to me. Once I got back to the common room I grabbed my guitar and my notebook and started writing down some chords and notes. After about half an hour of finding a nice melody, I started to write some lyrics down and add them into the melody. As I strummed my guitar I added the words slowly into it and listened to how it sounded to see if I needed to change anything in the song.

I opened my eyes

watching you pass me by

Not even looking in my way

Wondering why you don't see me

But I won't judge you

I just want you to stay

I wrote down a few changes to the chords and started up again.

Not only that

But you don't even smile

I'm wondering if you even have a heart

I feel so broken

Without you

But you'd never even notice

What I'd do for you

I had practiced playing those chords and singing those lyrics to make sure that they fit together right and as I was doing this, many people were listening in and watching me play. As soon as I stopped playing and decided to use this uneventful day nearly everyone in the common room complimented me on my songwriting and the Head Boy even told me,

"Whoever that song is about, they clearly don't deserve you if they make you feel like that, don't get distracted by idiots, do your own thing, Cloe." I thanked him and went to go on a walk on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. As I was walking I was thinking about what everyone said to me after they listened to the lyrics that I wrote down and gently laughed to myself.

If only they knew.

I stayed outside for a little while longer and sat down on some clean grass near the water's edge of the Black Lake and just took in the cool breeze that moved my hair and loved every bit of the fresh air that surrounded me. Soon I was laying on the grass with my eyes closed and just taking in the heat of the sun as it shone down on my face. I could hear other students that were either outside for a walk or were playing some kind of sport-related game along with the sounds of birds every which way. There was one point where I heard someone walk fairly near me then the footsteps stopped and I couldn't hear them for a few minutes until the person walked away, and yet again I felt that weird pain-like feeling in the back of my mind trying to get into my head. I quickly pushed them out even though it was pretty difficult to do so. I frowned and sat up to see where this person was so then I could give them a glare, but I couldn't see anyone around me what so ever so I then decided to get up and head back to the Great Hall to get some lunch and then probably go have a nap or something until dinner and then study for my classes while there still was time left in the day. As lunch was passing and Hermione was giving Harry a lecture about something just behind us I, yet again, felt that pain-like feeling in my head and at this point I really wasn't happy and wanted to smack whoever was trying to get into my head. So as anyone would I tried to search out for this very bold person and after a few minutes looking around at the students I still could feel them trying to get in my mind and I realized that no student would be able to do Ollcomency so I looked up at the teacher's table and looked to see if anyone was staring me down. Nobody was looking at me from what I could tell, but I still could feel someone trying to get into my mind, I looked back up at the teacher's table just to make sure. And sure enough, I found the person staring me down trying to get into my head. I was fairly shocked and kind of scared when I realized that it was Professor Snape. My heart started to beat faster with fear and anxiety and soon enough I could hear it in my head. I was very worried that at some point he would get into my head and hear my thoughts which will most likely be about him or that he might search through my memories and find the ones involving him. My breathing got heavier as the fear was boiling under my skin, I could also hear another heart beating and more breathing like it was coming from me, but it wasn't.

Was I able to hear the pace of his breathing? There's no way that can be possible? If I can hear him, can he hear me?

My eyes widened with even more fear, I was completely shocked by the fact that I could hear his heartbeat beating in my chest versus my own and feeling air being pulled into my lungs, not on my command. It was very nerve-wracking to know that we had traded breathing paces and heartbeats, but I was trying my best to calm myself down to not hyperventilate or embarrass myself in front of Snape. I broke eye contact with him and I know it probably made me seem weak but doing so it was easier to calm myself down without having to see him stare into my eyes. Soon I was able to push him out of my mind and feel myself breathing again and was able to hear my heartbeat once more. I let out a big long sigh which seems to catch Cho's attention.

"What's with the sigh Clo?"

"I'm just tired and don't want to start classes again tomorrow, mainly Potions." I put my hand on my head trying to keep my heart beating at a slow pace and to cool myself off from the huge stare-off I just had with a teacher.

"Why Potions?"

"Snape is assigning another essay again."

"Damnit, I forgot about that."

As Cho asked Luna for help with a Potions essay and just help, in general, I looked back up to the teacher's table and saw that Snape was having a conversation with Professor McGonagall not even realizing that I was now the one staring at him. McGonagall glanced at me and saw me staring at Snape, doing I was snapped out of my thoughts and went back to eating food and listening to what my friends were talking about hoping that she wouldn't ask me about it or even realized that I was looking at Snape and turned my eyes away when I noticed her looking in my direction. As soon as my friends and I were finished lunch we got up right away and made our way out of the Great Hall, but before I could leave I felt the pain again and this time I really wasn't having it. So I spun around and saw Snape looking at me as he made his way to the main entrance of the Great Hall which was also where I was. As soon as he got closer to me I glared at him harshly and he came near me and stopped in front of me making me look up to be able to see his face as I had a not-so-happy expression plaster on my face. We just stared at each other for a few seconds until I said,

"Yes, Professor?" He responded to my question with,

"You seem to have joy with trying to intimidate me, am I correct?" I smirked and said back,

"I could ask you the same thing." We both stood there just glaring at each other not saying a word until Cho called my name and grabbed my attention making me look away to find where her voice came from.

"Looks like you'll need to try harder next time, looking away really doesn't work." He then passed me and left the Great Hall leaving me there wandering through my thoughts. I sighed and found Cho who asked to go to the Black Lake to do something and she wouldn't even tell me what it was she wanted to do after I asked her about 20 times in two minutes. Once we made it there, Luna and Ginny had already claimed a spot on the bright green grass and were having a conversation until Cho and I sat down beside them. Ginny gave them both a look that seemed pretty cheeky and mischievous like Ginny was at certain times. I didn't want to ruin their surprise or whatever so I didn't address the look on Ginny's face, but I did ask them,

"So, what is this all about?"

"Your date of course!" Ginny said very loudly and covered her mouth and laughed right after she said basically screamed it at me. I tilted my head and asked them what Ginny meant by 'date'.

"Well, remember how I told you about that guy I had a date planned for you with?" Luna said,

"Yeah?"

"Well, we still kinda have to get him to say yes to having a date with you because I didn't actually ask him I just thought that we would be able to get him to like you enough, the reason why we are here, to get him to ask you out." I slammed my hand on my face and sighed. Cho and Luna sat there waiting for me to tell them that I wasn't doing this, but instead, I asked them,

"And how were you planning on doing this without me finding out who the guy is?" Luna opened her mouth and responded back with,

"Right, um haven't totally planned that bit out yet, but I think I got it." I nodded and Ginny smiled and said in one very quick breath,

"I'm so happy you're going to finally have a boyfriend!" She giggled again along with Cho and they started to talk about what each person had to do and what things could happen and go wrong along with what we needed to do to fix those mistakes if they happen. After about half an hour of that we walked around, Luna said that they were looking for him but to be completely honest I think she was just stalling, but soon Luna spun me around and set us up for whatever she thought was going to work. As I had to help a little first year with Potions and saying things like 'my mark in Potions is so high I think I might've beaten Snape's marks when he was a kid' or 'I think I'm Snape's favourite, but you know him, he won't talk about it' I kinda felt bad about bragging about this stuff to a first-year who probably too scared to even look me in the face, but as Luna signalled me to keep going I could feel the pain start-up in my head again. I stopped talking mid-sentence and peaked my head up to find Snape standing somewhere staring at me. Soon enough I found him walking closer to me through the courtyard locking eye contact with me. I realized that I couldn't stare at him for too long since I was just having a conversation with another student so I looked away and continued on while I did my best to keep him out of my mind. After I looked away I could feel him pushing harder and harder into my mind and it became difficult to focus on what I was saying. As he walked by both the first-year student and me looked up at him and I glared at him whereas the first year kind of cowering in fear which I don't blame him for that, but once you get to know him it isn't so bad. He stopped in front of us and he said to me,

"Ms. Todd."

"Snape." You could feel the heavy tension that was growing between us and I could see Luna kind of freaking out behind him, but I didn't want to pay attention to her at the moment, her plan could wait. I continued to glare at him and then he asked me,

"Why are you wasting your time on this first year?" I scoffed in my head and responded with,

"I think that it's at least worth a try to help someone versus just watch them struggle, don't you think?" This time he scoffed and walked away without looking back, but still trying to get into my head. I finished helping the student early since I really wasn't having it with Snape today and went up to Luna and asked her,

"Did your plan work or what?" Cho nodded aggressively and Ginny was jumping up and down.

"Yeah, I'd say it worked. So what did Snape talk to you about?'

I knew this was going to happen.

"Nothing much, he just insulted the first year and we glared at each other for the most part." Cho was shocked by what I had told her and said,

"What? Why!"

"Ummm because he's bee-" I stopped myself before I said anything too loudly and pulled them closer to me so I didn't have to talk loud enough for others to hear.

"He's been trying to use Occlumency on me all day." They all gasps and I smacked them on their arms.

"It's really not that shocking, to be honest," Ginny said and I nodded in agreeance. We talked about it for a little longer until Hermione came and grabbed Ginny who I guess had promised to study for a test with her and forget about her so Luna, Cho and I just went back to our dorm and just studied for our own classes I also went over the lyrics and chords that I wrote and put into a song and finished it. Soon it was dinner and I really didn't want to come face to face with Snape again or have Luna randomly say that it's time for another setup plan thing. We made it to our usual seats and waited for Dumbledore to say his daily speech before we can all eat. As soon as the food was on the table I dug right in and tried my best to hold myself back from looking up at the teacher's table for as long as I can, which hopefully will be throughout the whole meal. Luna was talking about the next setup with Cho and I was just listening in to the best of my ability since they were trying to talk quiet enough so that they could hear each other over the other students talking, but not loud enough for me to hear. I sighed and just focused on my food and thought about classes and whatnot which I was happy to get back to so I didn't have to be under Luna's rath the whole time with this stupid date-set-up thing. Soon it was the end of dinner all three of us had finished and wanted to go and take a walk around the lake I looked up at the teacher's table just out of instinct and as I scanned I didn't see Snape sitting in his normal spot.

Maybe he's in his class getting ready for classes tomorrow

I thought. I walked out with my friends, but before I could round the corner I felt a tinge of fear or anxiety in the back of my chest, probably because I thought that Snape not being at dinner was odd, even though I probably shouldn't think much of it, it still was in my mind. I pushed it out of my mind when Cho punched a Slytherin in the face and he fell to my feet. I stood there shocked at what Cho had down and looked up at her for an explanation and she said back with some tone,

"He slapped my ass!" She was about to kick him when Snape came around the corner and stopped her foot mid-swing with a spell. He let her foot fall to the ground and came up to us to say,

"Ms. Chang, Detention for hurting another student. As for the rest of you move along." Luna and I walked past the kid and grabbed Cho's arm and started to walk away from the scene, but before we could get far Snape said,

"Ms. Todd, I need to talk to you after I get this boy some ice, meet me in my office," He stared right into my eyes and said once more,

"Don't be late." He grabbed the boy's arm to pick him up and summoned some ice as we walked away fairly quickly so I could freak out without Snape seeing me.

"Are you kidding me?" I put my face in my hands to try and calm down my anxiety whereas Luna was freaking out more than I was. Well, she was more freaking out because of what I told her earlier and how now he wants to talk to me, alone, along with the confession letter I sent him earlier this week.

"I think you'll be fine, no worries Clo," Luna said as her breathing got a bit faster as she talked. I rested my head on the wall behind me and told them.

"I better go, can't be late." Cho wished me good luck as I rounded the corner to head down into the dungeons to Snape's office hoping that I wasn't going to be embarrassed or anything.

Who am I kidding?! This is going to be the actual end of me

My breathing slowed as I tried to calm myself down, but I just ended up making my breathing worse since I was slowing it by not breathing in general until I needed to breathe to stay alive. I ended up in the main part of the dungeons and followed the hallway to the Potions class, I was doing my best to keep myself calm, but being able to hear my heartbeat in my head wasn't really helping. I got to his classroom, but before I entered I leaned against the wall and let out a sigh, as soon as I felt comfortable with entering to my death I stood up straight and went to knock on the door, but before my hand could make any impact I heard someone on the other side say 'come in' I dropped my hand and opened the door saying to myself,

"That's a little creepy."

"It's hard to ignore footsteps coming from the other side of a door." I looked up and saw Snape sitting at his desk and from what I could tell he was marking tests. I walked farther into his classroom and with each step it felt like everything was getting hotter and hotter as I got closer to my death and I was going to be dragged to hell for it.

"You wanted to talk to me, professor?" I made it to his desk and stood on the other side of it hoping to keep something physical between him and me.

"Yes, I wanted to talk about many things, but I think we both know what we need to talk about Ms. Todd." I breathed in deep when he said my name in such a manner and told myself to not think like that which he was most likely going to yell at me. He glanced to a chair near his desk as to say 'pull up a chair as I did so I could feel the fear building inside me and just wished for like a basilisk or something to just pop out of thin air and kill me on the spot. He cleared his throat and said,

"How have you managed to be able to stop someone from using Occlumency on you?" I wasn't really expecting that kind of question and I didn't really know the answer, but I had to ask him a question about that too.

"Why were you trying to use Occlumency on me I think is the better question?" I glared at him and he snared, but still answered my question before moving on.

"Dumbledore has me making sure that each student is following the rules."

"And he said that it's okay to use Occlumency on students that break simple rules?"

"Students that could be moving into the path of becoming a death eater." I widened my eyes, but then thought,

Why would he use it on me then?

"Why on me then? I can confirm that I have nothing to do with Voldemort or have any intention to join him and his little rebellion." He continued to look at me and then asked,

"Again, how are you able to block people from entering your mind?" I sighed and said,

"I don't know. I seriously don't know." I crossed my arms and then he leaned forward in his chair and said,

"Seems a little suspicious, don't you think? You aren't involved with Voldemort, but you can stop people from taking over your mind..." I sighed and said,

"Okay, I gave you an answer to your question, can I leave now?"

"Oh no, we still have way more to talk about." I looked up at him and in his eyes when he said,

"How about we start with the letter, Ms.Todd." My heartbeat dropped and as well as my breathing. I knew that he was probably going to talk about it, but I wasn't sure that it would be right now. I kept looking into his eyes as he leaned back into the chair and said once more,

"I think that's the better question." I gulped and seat down more in my chair and to be honest I didn't know how to start this or what I should do first off.

Do I just run for it? Or do I sit through it and deal with nearly facing my death right here, right now?

Soon enough I got the courage to speak and give him some kind of response.

"Are we sure we need to talk about this? I mean classes are tomorrow and I want to get started on my essays-" My breathing hitched as I listened to his words.

"Yes, we need to talk about it. You sent me a confession letter and have been ignoring me all weekend instead of saying it to my face." My throat started to close up which meant that tears were about to form, but I didn't want nor need them too so I pushed that feeling away and said back to him,

"It was a ridiculous act that I did at 11 pm on a Friday after a week full of school, I was most likely not thinking straight." I folded my hands together and sneezed hoping that he will buy my bait and let me leave, but I knew that wasn't going to work.

"You've literally run away from me after you sent it, normally you'd stare me down or say hello, but you haven't been. You clearly were thinking straight when you wrote it." He was staring me down and at this point, I didn't know what to do. I was scared. Being as frightened as I was I just, out of random instincts, told him,

"I really am uncomfortable talking about this right now and I'm not going to lie I am pretty afraid." I squeezed on my hands again trying to hold back tears of fear and it wasn't the normal fear, it was the fear of rejection and fear of saying something wrong and messing this whole thing up, and I might've just done that now. I gulped as Snape took that information in and we sat there in silence for a while until he spoke up, but his voice was very soft and quiet.

"You know you did bring this upon yourself, and you can't blame me for trying to talk to you about versus going right to Dumbledore and talking to him about it instead." It was sympathetic really, and I didn't understand why he would talk like that. I stayed silent for a while which I guess moved him to speak some more, probably trying to make me feel better and not scared.

"Listen, I didn't want to talk about this either, believe me." I still couldn't find my voice and was actually starting to think on how I could make this less nerve-wracking so I just asked him a simple yet kind of dumb question since I know the answer already.

"Do don't need to have these kinds of talks often, do you?" He shook his head no and now I could feel that he wanted me to speak and continue to speak for as long as I could and knowing this I was very anxious, but I decided that since I'm already here, might as well face a fear I didn't know I had.

"Look, if you don't want to talk about it, which I get, can we just forget this ever happened?" I said leaning forward in my chair as in ready to get up and leave, but his next response made me want to stay longer.

"You know, I've been in the same place as you, and you can't just forget these feelings. Trust me, they're the reason I'm so cold to everyone and why my life has become dark." I was shocked to hear him confess something to me. I really wasn't ready to hear that and it stunned me, not gonna lie. I give him a look of interest but also mixed with shock and empathy. His face was softened and kind, but as soon as he saw my reaction of empathy it faded away and the cold hard Snape was back. I let off a disappointed expression and then said,

"But this time those words don't matter do they?" I realized how attacking those words sounded and instantly wanted to take them back, but it was too late now. He was giving off a vibe of sadness or guilt rather than making me feel that way since that was the way he had treated me and everyone else for years before now and it's hard to think that he could try and be nice. He sighed and said,

"It really does seem that way doesn't it?" I nodded lightly and dropping my head down a little to break eye contact with him, he continued with,

"Maybe it doesn't have to be that way... for you." I was shocked and lifted my head back up to look at him and he just gave off a slight smile and he totally changed right in front of me. His posture softened and the muscles in his face relaxed and his eyes, good god his eyes, they shone with so much sympathy and possibly love that I instantly relaxed too and took in a deep breath waiting for what would happen next. Soon enough he leaned forward in his chair and got up. I stood up with him and he said,

"You should probably go now, it's a few minutes until curfew." My eyes widened once again in fear.

I'm going to get caught by Filch and have to do some sort of scary punishment"Don't worry though, if you don't make it back in time, I'm always here to give an explanation." He said pointing to his head.

"You probably don't know it, but if you can block someone out of your head then you most likely can enter someone's head." I nodded after I learned something new and made my way over to the door with Snape following me. Before I could leave he turned me around and asked me,

"Why don't you give it a try. Try it on me." I shrugged and focused on him and him alone, feeling myself push into a cold and hard barrier like it was right in front of me but there was nothing there. I felt the wall drop and I instantly pushed into his mind and was brought to his mind only to hear him say to me through his thoughts,

"See? It really isn't that hard once you get it, and neither is this." He had trapped me in his mind, closing the wall behind me, but I had pushed myself out. Once my mind was back in its rightful place I noticed Snape leaning in and felt my own body leaning towards his. Soon enough his hands cupped my cheeks and the coldness of them seeped to my hot skin. He looked at my face getting in every detail until he brought his eyes to mine and at that point, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him into me causing our lips to crash together. Soon enough he started to kiss me and we moved our lips in sync causing my legs to go weak by the way his lips covered mine and how passionate and sweet his kisses were. Before I could actually fall to the floor he wrapped his arm around my waist and I could feel myself go light-headed with the feeling of his cold touch on me and the fact that we were face deep into each other. But all good things have to come to an end and I slowly pulled away from him still in his arms looking into his deep onyx eyes. Not knowing what to do next and being so full of love and happiness I smiled and gently laughed which made Severus smile and laugh a little too.

"Okay, but you should really get going."

"Yeah." I was still in his arms and leaning tight against his chest and I said,

"I'm going to need to be set free to be able to go you know."

"Oh yeah right." He gently dropped his hands and rubbed the back of his neck. I put my hand on the door to leave, but before I opened it I said to him,

"And thank you for understanding me." He smiled at me and it just filled me up so much that I turned back to him and gave him a deep long hug, soon enough he returned it and I needed to feel his lips one last time before whoever knows when again. It was much more gentle and loving than the last and I left his office feeling like I was at the top of the world. I basically ran back the whole way to my dorm to tell Luna and Cho feeling like I would never run out of energy every time his laugh played back in my head or his smile showed up in my vision. Once I burst through the door getting their attention I closed the door, cast a sound-proof spell around the walls and just yelled at them,

"We kissed!" Luna literally jumped up and grabbed me in a huge big hug and spun us around as Cho screamed and was super shocked. Soon enough I was laughing and daydreaming about him along with tears flowing strongly down my face. After we had calmed down a bit an owl landed in our window and dropped off a letter. I grabbed it to see who it was for and yet again I had received a letter with my name on it in Snape's handwriting, I squealed again and basically jumped onto Luna who was ready to sleep for tonight.

"Read it, read it!" Cho said from the other side of the room on her bed and I opened it carefully making sure not to rip the parchment and read it out loud for them to hear.

Dear Cloe, Yes this is random and there really wasn't any need for me to write this to you, but I just want you to know that if you need help with anything I'm here for you. If you need any comfort I'm always by your side and I will never leave it. You have finally made me come out of my hard shell and have made me realize that living in the past is never a good thing. I couldn't imagine what would've happened if I missed you and didn't give myself another chance at love. You truly mean a lot to me, and I know that I mean a lot to you, and that's all I've ever wanted to feel.

Sincerely, SS

Any Requests?

[lostinyourdreams]

Prompt list

I will add more soon (hopefully) but for now this is all I have

When requesting a prompt I would appreciate it (its not exactly necessary) if you could go a bit more into detail about what you would like, for example: Number 13 with -insert character here- after y/n had a very rough day at work and just wants to nap

Number 7 with -insert character here-. Y/n is very insecure about themselves and -insert character here- comforts them

╔═══════════════･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.═══════════════╗

Please be quiet I cant even hear myself losing my will to live

I would call you an imbecile but that would be cruel since I doubt you'd be able to spell it

You interrupt me one more time and I swear the nearest blunt object will become a deadly weapon

How long has it been since you slept properly? Like in a bed and not hunched over your desk (and not on the gym bench?)

I'm not a medic but even I know that's too much blood to be just a scratch...

You're a day late and a dollar short buddy, you've lost you're chance

What can I do to make you feel as beautiful as you look to me?

My ex made me feel as if I'll never try again but damn you're worth going against that

I'm done trying to help you, you clearly don't want my help

It's best we never mention what happened last summer...

If you get scared hold my hand, if I'm not near call my name and I'll be here in a heartbeat

A hug wouldn't hurt me you know?... or maybe just holding me for a few minutes...

You are my new pillow now

Hey come back in bed its too cold without you! Ill get hypothermia!

Can you please come and get me?... I'm at -this address-

I heard you screaming bloody murder, that nightmare again?

Hey, it'll be alright, I know you can do it

Relax, I'll always be here to protect you

How about a kiss? You know to make it all better-

shhh, shhh... you're safe now I promise

Can you stop fussing about it and stay still? I'm just braiding your hair not stabbing you!

I think- no, I know I deserve more than this

I still miss him/her/them... I shouldn't but I can't help it

We make a damn good team but it makes me wonder, would we be even better as a couple?

I love you no doubt but sometimes, based on the stupid shit you do, I want to throw you out that window

Well... this mission could be my last so fuck it! I love you!

Well what can I say except that I'm a badass?

You know some people were dropped on their head but you were clearly thrown at a wall

Do I get a golden star if I act like I care?

If I survive this can I take you on a date?

I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned

"Stop running for your feelings!

Are we really "just friends"? I mean look at us right now..

You still have this?...

I love you more than I love myself, I hope you know that

As cheesy as this sounds I will protect you with my life

If I ever see you anywhere near her/he/them I'll knock your teeth out

Its a hobby of mine to prove you wrong

Have you lost your damn mind?! You could have gotten yourself killed!

I did try to move on but nobody is you

I always ask for your help because damn its adorable to see you try

You look adorable in my sweater so you can keep it if you'd like

Sorry doesn't fix everything but maybe a hug and a kiss could help the situation this time...

I'm trying, all the time but it just never seems to be enough

I don't like where this is going but at the same time I'm curious

If something bad happens I'm blaming you!

We always share blankets on the couch I'm sure sharing the bed is fine too

You need to do better if you want to meet your goal

Here Ill show you how its done

Ill consider kissing you if you can beat me

How is the the prettiest person on earth doing today?

Why do you always think you have to do everything on your own ?

It’s okay , I’m here . I’ll always be here

You’ve always been strong for me . let me return the favor

You’re so much more than the mistakes you’ve made

Just say the word . you know I’d do anything for you

Well , hello sleeping beauty . You fell asleep on me

If you don’t take your ass back to bed , I will carry you there myself

I’m sorry to wake you up , but I really need someone to talk to

I love you, every part of you. even the parts you don’t like about yourself

You’ve been crying. I can tell

You want me to rub your back ’til you fall asleep? Or maybe just get you some tea or hot chocolate?

That was a brave thing you did today

That doesn’t look good...

Ow, yeah, okay, that’s starting to hurt...

You better not die on me.

I know I did not hear that correctly

Are you cute or do I just have really low standards?

We did this… all for nothing…?

No no no, I can’t die. I won’t die

Are you hot, or am I drunk?

I suppose danger loves me

Is it too late to take back all the things I said?

Say that again but to my face this time, I dare you

If we make it out alive I swear I'm taking you on a date

You look at me like a fifth grader trying to confess their love by eye contact across the maths classroom.

Wait a minute. Are you jealous?

Don't you fucking dare throw that snowb- God damn it!

Look at the bright side! It could be worse

This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you've ever come up with...Of course I'm in!

You're obvious as all hell, I saw the way you look at me when you think I don't notice

This is cliche but maybe we could go outside and just feel the rain?

I meant it when I said I'd protect you

I'm not perfect but just know I am trying my hardest for you, to make you happy and to keep you safe

Can we just cuddle and pretend we have nothing to do?

You know we all hate you, right?

You are nothing but a burden

I don't know what's wrong, okay? I am just tired...

I was doing fine but then you had to come here and ruin it

If you asked me that a while ago I would've said yes

Honestly you deserve better, you deserve the world and I don't this is why I'm doing this

You really want me to sing you a lullaby don't you?

Not everyone is going to hurt you, you know that, right? Take me for example I never hurt you, not on purpose

None of this was your fault please don't blame yourself

I can't promise you that but I can promise you that I'll try

Crying doesn't suit you at all

I wrote you a poem: Roses are red, Violets aren't blue, If I had a brick, I'd certainly throw it at you. Hope you like it

They came out of nowhere... I couldn't react in time...

You always smile like you're about to cry

I know everything's been shitty lately so I bought you your favorite drink and ice cream

╚═══════════════･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.═══════════════╝

[minyoongisjiminie]

(M) “want my attention? make me give it to you.“

(gif cr)

ship: namjoon x reader

genre: smut

disclaimer: fingering, dirty talk, face riding

synopsis: your boyfriend was once again very busy in his studio. Working on some tracks. But you wanted to spend time with him, yet his tracks seem more important. Good enough for you, that you knew how to lure him out...

words: 2.4k

a/n: yeah.. idk.. i'm sorry for this I guess ahaha. I really wanted to write some smut again but yeah I guess I suck at it. I guess learning by doing haha :') also sorry that it took me so long to post this :( I had an exhausting week, and couldn’t find the time to look over it :’) But yeah.. hopefully you’ll like it <3

-

It was already passing 2 am, and you almost waited 2 hours till Namjoon gets finished with his work at the studio. Of course you didn’t wanted to bother him while he’s working, so you sat outside of the studio on a coach and waited for him. 

It was a hard day, you were completely cramped from all the work you needed to endure today, so you anticipated to see your boyfriend after a long time. You knew that he was always so busy with his work, so you made sure that you didn’t disturb him on weekdays. But since it was friday night already, you just wanted to spend some quality time with him and relax yourself from all the stress you went through. However as it appeared to be.. Joon had different plans. 

Right now, at this moment you could just go home and lay yourself to sleep! Gosh, you did not needed to wait for him at all, but he assured you that it will not take up so much time, that he will be finished soon and you both will grab some ice cream as a late night snack. Well... 2 am in the morning was a very late night snack.

Soon the clock shows that it’s 3 am, and you were done with the waiting. You stood up, furious and knocked on Joon’s door. 

No response.

You keep on knocking, with every knock you put in more strength in your fist. But still there is rarely a response from him. Carefully you put an ear on the door, to listen if you could catch any sounds that came from him. You could swear that you heard repeated little sighs coming from him, probably because of your loud knocking. 

‘Oh you want it like that? You’ll get it like that!’

You knew Joon’s code for his lock, but he always requested that you wouldn’t use it as long as he was living behind the doors. He still gave it to you, because he trusted you and also wanted to give you a code so you could be helpful in dangerous situations.

If this wasn’t a dangerous situation for you... then you didn’t know what was. 

Quickly you typed in the six digit number, and opened the large door.

“Are you completely crazy?!” You started to scream, you realised how angry you actually were, and how disrespectful it was from your boyfriend to keep you waiting, so that he could work on his important tracks. 

He spinned around with his chair towards you and just sighed. His eyes were completely red, which didn’t surprise you since you knew that he didn’t sleep for days and was just chained towards his computer.

“Y/N..” He started. He layed his hands on his strong thighs and turned his head slightly towards you. “You know how  important these tracks are right now... If I invest the times in those, we can spend the entire week together!” His voice sounded calm as always, he was not the type of person who would start to scream around filled with rage. He wouldn’t lose his coolness.

Shortly, he wasn’t you. 

“I’m waiting for literally 3 hours! That’s not fucking fair!” You continued to pull out an discussion with him. “That’s not.. fair..” You repeated, more to yourself, with a exhausted undertone. “Y/N.. don’t be like that.. It sucks to see you like this..” You knew that he hated it when you would pout sadly like that, he also exactly knew that he couldn’t leave you alone like this, he couldn’t escape you easily, if he wanted to. 

He scratched his forehead, and let out a deep sigh. “Come here..” He stood up and grasped your wrist. However you still stood there, glued to the spot, and didn’t saw a reason to give in that quickly. “Y/N-ie..” he called again cutely. You breathed out shortly and followed him to the spot he leaded you. He put his index finger on his bright macbook screen, that showed some white thick lines and numerations. You had no single clue about anything. “Are you satisfied with those tracks?” You reply to his gesture, and felt how your legs slowly started to give in. The wearyness kicked in, and it didn’t wonder you at all. You needed to stand the entire day and talk with customers. It was exhausting.. “Hmm.. Kind of I guess..” he said delayed. He put his one hand on your waist and you felt the warmth of his skin clearly. “Joonie.. I’m so tired.. But also so tensed that I already know that I can’t sleep at all..” Namjoon smiled his cute little crooked smile and guided you onto his lap. “Hmmm.. what can we do about that..” His hands were intertwined with yours and you realised how you softened a little. You layed your head on his shoulder and hugged him, showing that stupid computer your back. You recognized how relaxed you already were. That was the magic of Kim Namjoon huh?

“Can’t we just go to bed already?” You said, while your head was still resting on his shoulder. “I told you I needed to get this done.. hm?” He responded, pretty sweetly, and it reminded you of a mother who was telling her child that she wouldn’t buy her child the toy but assured she would when the child would be a good kid.

lol you weren’t a good girl.. and joon knew that. 

One thing he couldn’t resist.. was you. But you as the tempter you turned into, when you wanted something. You bribed him with specific things that you would never do in bed, or specific things that he wanted to do to you so dearly, but you didn’t feel ready for. You guys were together for about one and a half years, and of course you had sex multiple times. Nevertheless it was nothing too spectacular, just normal boring sex. It wasn’t like, you didn’t try to add some spice to it.. but you just were too shy.. even when joon tried to tell you so often what he wanted to do to you.. he was still a gentlemen and didn’t force you to do things that you didn’t feel comfortable with. 

Currently, you were sitting mostly on his thick thighs than anywhere near his crotch. You changed that quickly. You slipped way to the back, until you got really close to his dick. You hear a little fuck that comes out of his mouth and he cleared his throat roughly. As a response you smile lightly. That’s what you wanted in the first place.. Now the second method starts: You lay way back until your neck was just milimeters apart from his lips, and made little gestures with your arms as if you were stretching yourself. You yawn fakely. “Y/N..” He started to spell out your name carefully and slowly, yet still hungrily. You go back to your first position and turn around to the point that you can face him. “Shh..” You whisper silently. Putting your index finger on his perfect full lips. “Should we try something new?” Is everything you said and you could see how his eyes started to sparkle. “Wha-” He cleared his throad once again. “What.. do.. you mean with.. that..?” he replied and you realised how he started to stutter. He was so cute.. fuck.. 

You gradually came closer to his ear and played around with his shirt that was sticking onto his chest. “You heared correctly..” You whispered fierily into his ear, and you recognized once again how his dick was happy as well. “But my trac-” He started, but you quickly put your finger on his lips, to stop him from talking. After looking at a quite cutely looking namjoon that was staring at you with a puzzled look on his face, you put your lips on his. Quickly you started to explore his tongue with yours. Hmm.. he tasted delicious. Even though he worked for such a long time, and one could think that he tasted not right, or that it could be unhygenic, you didn’t tasted that. He tasted so delicious, like tiramisu and raspberries at once. 

He cupped your face and started to bite on your underlip. He indeed was confused on why you were so eager to try new things. You both rarely tongue kissed each other, and you realise that he wants to enjoy the moment as soon as you feel like doing it. 

“Shit.. what are you doing to me..” He said while pecking your lips. His fingers automatically started to pull your straps from both your top and bra down, and started to kiss your neck. His favorite body part as mentioned. You couldn’t stop yourself from moaning a little, and he smiled. “Who thought that you’ll turn into such a... bad girl..” Just these intense words of his made you shiver. He literally called you a “bad girl” and even though you hated dirty talk, especially in movies, you now realized how much you loved it when Joon was saying it. These words came out of his mouth so quickly and dark, you wanted to gift him any allowance, to do things that he never managed to do to you. 

You slowly started to grind on him, and you also made sure that you stare at him to find out if he liked it or not. And you were happy to see that his eyes shut together and his lips escaped a few little moans. 

“You love that.. huh?” You said back, also trying some darker undertones. “fuck.. yes..” He replied, his hands pulling slightly on your hair, which you loved. It wasn’t rough pulls, but it was intense. You fastened your pace just to see how he would react and he almost went crazy. “SHIT... stop it or..” He started, but you grinding on his thighs made him go to a different universe. Joon tried to hold back his moans but he really couldn’t. 

“You get that back, princess.” He said quickly in your hair. 

You felt how his fingers came closer to your core, you stared at him, and there was no familiar joon to see. You saw a whole new joon. Someone who was ready to punish you.. 

He teased you a little with his index finger and you could feel how the fabric of your underwear started to soak. “Ahh..” You laid your chin on joons shoulders and let him take control over your body. You never ever let him finger or taste you. Not that you wouldn’t like it, but you were too uncomfortable.. Nevertheless Joon was always so eager to do it. But you always pushed his hands away and redefined that you weren’t ready. 

Now you were hun. 

After his little teasing he pulled your underwear away and started to discover your core with his index finger. For the first time. You never realised how good this would feel like. You imagined that this literally feels like a trip. Eyes stayed shut and with every change of pace of his fingers, you saw different things flying around while your eyes were closed. First there were some light asteriks, then there were stars and with every fastening pace he did you saw explosive red and yellow colors.

But even after that color festival, Joon was indeed not finished with you. He started to take a second finger with him and you almost went crazy. “ahhh, joon-” You started to grind on his finger, and he continued to kiss your neck, making sure to leave love bites. Then he suddenly stopped. 

“Whaa-” He touched your shoulders and made you face him. 

“Can I try something princess?” You loved that he called you like that. It was fucking sexy, and you always wanted him to call you like that. 

You also were sure that you would love it, so you just nodded slightly. You turned shy just in a second, because he looked at you so hungrily that you felt how your heart beat got faster. He made me stand up from his lap and once again took my wrist. He sat down on his big coach and leaned back. For a little moment he just stared at you. Giving the name eye fucking a whole new meaning. “Joon..?” You started to wake him up from his little day dream. 

“How about princess, sits on my face?” 

You gulped. That was something you didn’t expect. Not at all. But you wanted to know how it feels... you also trusted joon. 

You quickly obeyed and pulled your skirt a bit higher, your underwear was not really needed so you made sure to just take it off. Joon just looked at you, still eye fucking you. He gave you all the time you needed. And that was one of the reasons why you loved him. 

You went to the coach and already saw from the corner of the eye that he was positioning himself so you could sit comfortably on his face. You were really anxious and didn’t want to ruin the moment but he just smiled at you, making you feel okay about this. You laid your legs on the bottom and positioned yourself over the low coach and made sure your core was just centimeters away from his mouth. He quickly started to explore your core and made sure to catch every single drop of your essence. He started slowly but his pace went crazier with every lick he took, until finally he just ate you out. You stopped holding back your moans and shouted his name several times. That made him just grab on your thighs tighter and he ate you happily out. “Fuck.. didn’t know you were such a slutty princess..” He responded, and licked layers of hot skin from your pussy. Slurping every drop that was escaping from your core. 

After this moment you were so relaxed that you could feel how your eyes felt weary. “Just sleep, princess. Now you can sleep.. fully relaxed..” He said, pecking your lips. As soon as the dominant joon came as soon he was gone.

He took his ryan pillow put it under your head, quickly took your underwear and made you wear it, and also pulled a comfy blanket from the sofa crack of the sofa. 

“Also thank you for that good meal..” He raised his eyebrows and went back to his computer. 

[october-rosehip]

30 Day OC Challenge, Day 3: Inventory

Macsen shouldn't have been surprised.

They'd hurried all day, carrying their packs because it made no sense to make Bodahn run his pony cart back and forth between the Circle's docks and Redcliffe when he could fleece the Redcliffe citizenry for a few days, instead. (Macsen tried not to judge.)

Anyway, after stopping an undead uprising, discovering Jowan so badly hurt in the Arl's dungeons, drinking too many lyrium potions to deal with the constant drain on his magic, and now jogging, burdened, well into the evening to save time; Macsen felt badly prepared for doing much of anything useful. Nevertheless, he'd tried.

Paper was far too precious outside the Circle to waste it when he was too stupid from the lyrium, heartsick from everything, and exhausted from constant fighting to even spell his name correctly. He sighed, and wrapped his treasured notebooks in oilcloth. He placed them deep in his pack, surrounded by clothes. He should really just go to bed.

Macsen arranged his pack at the head of his bedroll as an improvised pillow. He stretched. His shoulders popped luxuriously. He looked over to ask if Zev still needed the light from the wisp.

Zevran leaned comfortably on one arm, regarding him.

Macsen blamed the tiredness for the fact that he hadn't felt Zevran staring. “Were you going to ask me something, Zev, or just watch me for the fun of seeing how long it took me to notice you?”

Zevran smiled. “Can I not do two things at once? Truly, I wondered what it was that you had been so studiously working on? You treat it much more carefully than you do the other notebook, which I supposed to be your journal.”

“My journal is pretty important. I've outlined my plan for the Blight in case anyone finds it who needs to... take over for me. Well, I've tried. We're sort of winging it ourselves. They'll get the gist as well as I could spell it out. But this is much more precious to me. I guess it would depend on your perspective.

“I was in trouble with the Revered Mother again. I always was. One time, she punished me by making me sort through a closet full of outdated books nobody had opened in decades, probably. In with the hymnals from the Blessed age and outdated alchemy textbooks, I found books of elvish lore. Many of them were in elvish! It took me forever to translate it. I speak it but never read it, til then. I'd never found anything more important in the library. I read them all over and over.”

Zevran's eyes widened the tiniest bit. “I can only imagine how that would feel! I suppose it might have felt like the spring monsoons falling in the desert?”

Macsen smiled at the poetic way of saying things. “If you mean my brain was thirsty, yes, just like that. I learned so much! My clan didn't have much time to teach me of elvhen things. The shemlen caught me when I was a tiny da'len. I'd take whatever I could get, now.”

“How many elves could consider such a thing a treasure? Many have had even less to do with things elvish.”

“I thought the same thing! So, I copied them all into my own hand. I made them look like diaries, then I hid them. The tower is- it's such a mess right now.” He paused to let the wave of grief crash over him a moment. It took his smile with it. “I am luckier than I deserve that they were where I left them, and unhurt. The books I put in front of them shielded them. Maybe the creators helped. I'm sure I was meant to bring this knowledge out of captor hands, to those who might not have it. I added to it, too. One of the books is every song or story or recipe or bit of craft I could get from the elves who came from the alienage raids. I can't deal with thinking that they might have been taken for nothing. What they went through is part of the elven story.”

Zevran “hmmm”ed and ran a finger over one of the strange metal studs in the unique belt he wore. “Some of these stories might be very important indeed, I would think? I do not suppose that...” The customarily confident man lost his footing. He usually looked directly into a person's eyes far more than Macsen was used to, but he looked away, now.

Macsen understood. “Do you want to read them?”

“Would you allow this? I understand if you have important plans for them, and there will be no hard feelings if not.”

“I do have plans. I meant to give the writings to my clan when I find them, but then I thought there should be more copies. It's not like Clan Surana are the only elves. So I started a second set. Anything there are two copies of, you can read without me staring over you. Actually, how's your handwriting?”

Zevran laughed. “Passable. I was not trained as a forger. Now there is some penmanship, eh?”

“Wow, I never thought of that before. Bet you're right.”

“But you... wish me to copy these for you?”

“With me. We can get them done faster that way.”

Macsen guessed he'd said something right, as Zevran shot him such a warm smile that it lit up something in Macsen's core as if someone had set a fire in the hearth.

Zevran sat up straight, evidently so he could use his hands more easily to talk. “I consider myself an Antivan first and foremost, yes? It is where I am from, and I share a culture and a history with all the other people of the land, do you see? But... my mother was Dalish. I have had little enough opportunity to learn of her or her people. She died during my birth. My first victim, as it were. So, she was not there to teach me, and who else was there to do it? I think it will be a good thing to remedy some of the gaps in my knowledge. But, if I may ask, Warden, why go to the trouble to copy everything? Why did you not take the originals? Surely, you do not think the Circle came by such things honestly?”

Macsen clenched his fists. “No. I suspect they came by them about as honestly as they came by me. Everything elvhen in that tower is stolen, I'm sure of it.”

“Then, my question stands. Why do you go to such trouble? Surely, you deserve those books more than those who did not even bother to read them?”

“Yes, I do. But I don't deserve them more than the next stolen child who might take comfort in them.”

Fang chose that moment to shove his giant doggy body through the tentflap, circle the foot of Macsen's bedroll three times, and flop immediately into contented, snoring, sleep.

“Yeah, you're right, boy,” said Macsen. He felt grateful for the massive dog hogging most of his space. He'd sleep warmer. It happened sometimes that others bribed Fang away for a night with whatever treats they could find.

Macsen looked over at Zevran. “I was going to ask before. I'm headed for sleep. Do you need the wisp for light anymore or can I send it home?”

“Haha! I am half tempted to stay up reading which is a very unusual thing for me to wish to do. But, morning will come too soon, will it not?”

“Yes, it will. Goodnight.” Macsen sent the little glowball home to the fade until the next time he should call.

They settled down to rest, but nobody's breathing changed. Fang stayed asleep, Zevran stayed awake, and Macsen's thoughts spun in circles.

“Zev?” he whispered, after a while.

“Yes, Warden?”

“Macsen. Keep trying, please. You know how the Circle is full of stolen elvhen things?”

“We spoke of this perhaps a half hour ago, yes? Alistair's shield did not crack my skull so badly as that.”

“Fair. I was just thinking about something the Circle's Quartermaster had for sale when I restocked before going in. He has a beautiful old leather belt. It's been really well cared for. The designs were elvhen, and looked like it honored Andruil, goddess of the hunt. He didn't have that before that I can recall. Maybe I'm being too harsh but it bothers me, you know? It looked so ancient, that I doubt any elf would have traded away something so historic. I think its old owner is dead, and this shemlen didn't even know what it is, really. I mean, I don't even know what it is. Someone's treasure is just in there with the potions. He wants like a hundred gold for it.”

“And this pains you?”

“Yeah, it does, very much.”

A moment passed before Zev continued. “I can understand this. I mentioned my mother, yes? I had her gloves. She was a whore in the city, working off her dead husband's debts, but she had kept that one token from her previous life. They were of traditional Dalish make, and beautiful. I treasured them, and kept them safe. When the Crows bought me, I had to keep them well hidden, for they do not allow such personal things. But, how could a child keep a secret in a house full of experts on secrecy?”

“So they found them?”

“Of course. How could they not? They were my only link to my history, but to my Master, were they any such thing?”

“No, I suppose they were just a broken rule, and a bit of coin.” Macsen rubbed the ironbark pendant that had been his mamae's.

“Just so. I suppose you know this dance?”

“I do.”

“Things like this... they are memories made solid, do you not think so?”

“That's exactly right. Oh, I'm sorry about your gloves, Zev.”

“Thank you, but it is in the past, no? And the morning is a fast approaching future.”

“True. Good night again, lethallin.”

“Buona notte.”

Macsen stared at the fabric above. Lethallin was a word for close friends; who shared a link. He hadn't thought about it before it was out of his mouth. It was true. They were the same. Macsen understood. The Circle had stolen him and kept him for itself, and he had thought it happened only to mages. But no. Zevran had also been stolen, for all he insisted he'd been paid for. It didn't sit well with Macsen. Who said the brothel had the authority to sell him? People could be owned whether they were mages or not, evidently, and possession was most of the law. Who'd argue for them when their own families didn't or couldn't stand up and say “no, this person belongs to us”? Macsen rubbed his face in tired frustration. There was nothing else for it. Their families hadn't been able to help, the Wardens were gone, the Crows were hopefully distant... who owned them now? They had be one-another's clan.

Macsen took too long getting to sleep, but the next day he felt decent, anyway. Maybe it was the lack of fighting on the road so far, he mused. Or maybe you found the energy you needed somehow. He always had.

They arrived at the Circle later that day. Macsen had no idea what to expect from the First Enchanter. It was a terrible, selfish risk coming back to the Circle for help with Connor's demon, but if Jowan killed someone- a noble!- with blood magic, he would die. Macsen could not stand that certainty.

Irving stood in the entry hall, surrounded by bloodstains in the stone, as though nothing at all were the matter. He agreed to help the possessed child, and even Greagoir said nothing about it. Maybe he realized they needed more mages, and more tranquil, immediately.

Irving invited them to stay while the mages prepared for travel and gathered the ingredients for the ritual, but Macsen had meant it when he'd said it- he would never spend another night on this island. They set off again even as the sun set.

Zevran appeared at Macsen's side several miles on from the docks. He held out a wrapped bundle.

“Hm? What is it, Zev?” Macsen felt a bit blurry round the edges. They had traveled too far, too fast.

“If you unwrap it, you will know, yes?”

Macsen did. A heavy, supple, well maintained leather belt, tooled intricately with elvhen symbols fell into his hands. “The blessings of Andruil fall upon me”, Macsen read before he fully grasped what was happening. It's even more beautiful up close, Macsen thought.

“Zev... you didn't... buy this, did you?” Macsen asked, stunned.

“Did I have a hundred gold on my person or in my things when you searched me?” Zevran laughed.

“No.... OH! Well that's all right, then.” Macsen handed it back to Zevran.

“No, I intended it for you, if you would like it. One thing the Circle has lost, for another.”

Several things happened at once. Macsen felt his face light up like a rod of fire and he found he'd turned to Zev without any conscious decision on his part, and kissed him. They were still kissing, and Macsen had no idea how that had even begun but Zev's hands felt right on his waist and...

A giggle sounded from behind them.

Dammit, Leliana.

But the world returned. It had to, once brought to mind.

And then Macsen's stomach fell.

He learned slowly, at times, but he did learn. In the Circle, Macsen had always said yes, when asked. He didn't know until later that he couldn't have said no. A yes meant nothing from someone whose no meant nothing.

I am your man, without reservation.

Zevran had offered “bedwarming” as a service provided with his vow. His no meant nothing. So his yes, the yes Macsen felt on his lips at that very moment, meant nothing. He broke away with remorse.

He knew a Trade when he saw one. In Zevran's position, Macsen would have been angling for favors, too.

He wouldn't apologize, or make it awkward. Macsen simply took a step back. “Thank you, Zev. I'll put it to good use. But I guess we should keep going.”

And so they did, until exhaustion made them stop, too late for talking. Too late for anything but a hasty meal and sleep.

Macsen sought distance from that wonderful moment. He would not take advantage of Zevran's complicated yes.

[letscuttothefeeling]

season three episode two

Before we get into the intricacies of this subpar episode, I want you to close your eyes, inhale, and reflect: is the guy you’re dating your boyfriend, or is he a father figure to you? Think about it. Now let’s cut to the feeling.

I don’t know about you, but seeing a groggy Old Man Ish clumsily lumber around in a backwards hat and a short-sleeved gorilla tee while holding his morning coffee made me immediately sick. And I’m just watching it on TV. Imagine being Madisson and waking up to that. Like, yes, this show is my sole will to live, but even I can’t stomach this. It really can’t get worse. Oh my God. Ish just described Brandon as “agro.” It did get worse. 

Thank god Ish is finally off my screen and I’m back to looking at G baby and BG. Appetite restored. Jared’s also there, so I’m unable to entirely recover from the Ish debacle, but I guess this is the best I can hope for. And may I just add that I am absolutely loving this playful “boys” scene? Seeing the guys boolin with their goon squad is bringing the vibes up big time. BG doesn’t even seem upset about Dadisson – in fact, he begins talking about a potential budding romance with Amanda! And just like that, we’re back on track.  

Strap in. The scene I’ve been waiting for. Dadisson’s reveal to her actual, biological father. Fade in. Jon, Madisson’s bio dad, is seated outside at a cute restaurant, completely unaware of the bomb that is about to explode in his face. As he looks up and sees his daughter walking over with her former producer, you can see the confusion setting in. Wait, what? Why is my youngest daughter walking in with Ish, the show’s old producer? Isn’t she supposed to be introducing me to her boyfriend? Oh, no . . . I think at that point, Jon must know, but he’s remaining willfully ignorant for as long as possible. And I get that, Jon. I do.

 Ish has this special oafish trudge that seriously makes him look like some sort of ogre and I am absolutely living for it. When the lovebirds take their seats, a dark cloud rolls over the Key. Reality sets in. Madisson starts telling her real father about her new Daddy, and my heart is racing. After establishing their respective ages, Jon takes a deep breath and calmly asks the most uncomfortable question your Dad could ever ask you about your boyfriend: “Is he a father figure to you?”

Let’s decompress. This has to be one of the rawest scenes on reality TV, so pour one out for Jon, who at this point was undoubtedly racking his brain trying to recall the exact moment he fucked Madisson up so badly that she now actively chooses to bang 50-year olds. I feel bad for you, Jon. Back to the show.

Madisson is crying, Jon is reeling over his mistakes, and Ish is trying to defend his relationship. As for me, I have one question: could Siesta Key have provided these poor souls with drinks before forcing them to do this on camera?

After that cringey scene, I’m more than happy to watch Amanda and BG have a SPICY meetuppé. Unfortunately, Amanda begins serving me really strange vibes and I’m kind of scared of her. There’s too much licking involved on this date and I’m not interested. Let’s cut to the next scene, where Madisson and Brandon meet to hopefully get closure.

Finally, we get a glimpse of the breakuppé timeline! If you remember correctly, Season 2 ended with us thinking we’d get a glorious Bradisson reunion in Season 3. Alas, we have Dadisson instead. Please don’t misconstrue this as a complaint, because it’s very far from that. I’m just a little confused as to how Dadisson came about, and apparently, so is BG. Madisson explains that after she moved to LA, she no longer felt connected to Brandon. Two months after breaking things off, she began taking to Ish. Brandon isn’t buying it. He’s convinced their relationship has been brewing for some time. Personally, I believe her. She’s never lied and I think Brandon is projecting his own issues onto Madisson. Thoughts?

Lots of tough conversations today – now we’re at Cara’s waiting anxiously for her to drop the news we all knew was coming from the moment she started dating Garrett. That she wants to break up. I think now is as good a time as any to unpack Garrett’s love life. Garrett. Get it together. The whole “hot but stupid” narrative is something the producers are pushing . . . right? You cannot possibly be this idiotic IRL. But love is blinding, I guess. Garrett was cheated on by Kelsey (with Alex), used by Juliette to make someone jealous (Alex), and used by Cara to piss off Kelsey and Juliette (and Alex.) Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me three times, and you can call me Garrett Miller.

 Okay, time for Kelsey and Juliette’s housewarming / rosé party! That had to be the whitest sentence I’ve ever written. The party begins and everyone seems to be in good spirits. Side note – I really applaud the film crew for catching everything that they do. They even got a short clip of Garrett having difficulty opening the front door and included it to perpetuate the very true belief that Garrett is actually a failed artificial intelligence robot project gone wrong.

Chloe arrives with a shot ski, but “Con Artist” Robby has to one-up her by bringing a TV. She’s convinced he’s bringing it to make up for how small his dick is. Boys, you heard it here first – don’t even THINK about bringing a TV to a party unless you want everyone to know how small your penis is! Madisson’s not even paying attention to Boring Robby’s embarrassing genital blunder because she’s too busy eyeing Amanda and Brandon. She even has the audacity to whisper, “I just hope he has the best intentions.” Right, because Ish definitely has the best intentions with you. Okay, Madisson.

 Notably missing from the soirée is Cara and my new favorite cast member, Victoria. Kelsey obviously vetoed Cara’s invite, so C and V decided to get a romantic relaxing beachside massage instead. Cara begins explaining that she’s only stringing Garrett along because he functions as her safety net. Meanwhile, at the party, Juliette is having to spell this out to simple Garrett. He looks glum. Suddenly, Garrett’s “unhappy hour” t-shirt seems much more fitting.

 Chloe and Amanda are in a corner, and shocker, they’re talking shit about Juliette and Robby. Juliette overhears, confronts them, and tensions rise. Chloe and Juliette step outside to discuss it further, and it becomes very apparent to me that Juliette is utterly plastered. Chloe is basically sober. What could go wrong?

 Everything! Chloe starts off by asking Juliette what she thinks about their friendship. Obviously, these two have a sordid past, but Juliette is literally too blackout to articulate anything, so Chloe’s immediately won this before it even really begins. Towards the end of the conversation, Juliette starts wagging her finger in Chloe’s face. Chloe slaps it away, so naturally, Juliette retaliates by PUNCHING HER IN THE HEAD. Juliette, I love you, and I’m normally on your side, but this is just not a good lewk. Chloe is straight chilling while Juliette attempts to rip out her extensions. So of course, Chloe looks like the normal one, and Juliette looks like she’s on The Bad Girls Club instead of Siesta Key. Hopefully, she’ll learn a lesson from this, because violence is never the answer!

Unfortunately, Juliette doesn’t learn that lesson! As soon as Amanda steps in to break up the fight, Juliette also tries to hit her. She also can’t understand why Amanda is being so harsh when Amanda was the one who punched Chloe in the face and broke her nose two years ago. Which I feel like is valid! Everyone is screaming, running around and fighting. Genuine chaos. Anarchy. The only person there who is remaining calm is Brandon. He is quite literally the human embodiment of Switzerland. Immediately I’m reminded of that part in Twilight’s third book, Eclipse, when Bella is forced to be the voice of reason and soothe the tensions between vampire Edward and werewolf Jacob. In order to fight the vampire army that Victoria’s newborn lover has created, the vampires and werewolves must put aside their inherent differences and join forces. If not, they could totally ravage Seattle, travel to the quaint town of Forks, and potentially eat Police Chief Charlie Swan!! By becoming a neutral Switzerland, Bella narrowly avoids this horrific fate. Like Bella, Brandon remains neutral in a time of utter disaster. Thanks, Brandon. But more importantly, thank YOU, Stephanie Meyer.

 Kelsey swiftly removes everyone from her home and starts looking for Amanda’s lost phone while Boring Robby hugs Juliette and tries to make her feel better about being the worst. And Kelsey standing around in the background after having to forcibly remove all her friends from her property while her roommate makes out with her boyfriend is such a vibe.

After Cara comes to the rescue to pickuppé the stranded party guests, the episode ends. Overall, I was pretty unhappy with this episode, but I feel that it was a necessary step to get us back in the right direction. I just miss Alex. He needs to return from Europe immediately. I’m tired of all of this girl drama and I want Boring Robby to become Interesting Robby. The next episode seems promising – but we’ll have to wait and see.

[mr-1-2-3-4]

My OCs responding to “I love you”

LoveHurt- “umm.. I’m sorry, may you repeat that?”

Pixel- “no you don’t.”

Delta- 👍👍

HiJack & Plague- gets uncomfortable and tries to leave

Oak- “who doesn’t?”

Popcorn, Manny & CarJack- “a horrible decision, really.”

Bandit- “sorry darling”

Keys & Parker- “why.”

Deer- just stands behind Hydra thinking she’s gonna protect him

Dr.Gui & Holly- “I rather lick the bottom of Roland’s boot.”

Canis- “no.”

Buddy- gets really uncomfortable and hugs himself

Ash- “I love you too^^”

Teddy- “thank you kindly.”

[4llmywr1tings]

Babied Part 2

Characters/Pairing: Dean X reader (eventual) Cas, Crowley, Donna, Jody Words: 1,414 Summary: Some fluff between Baby Dean (in an adult body) and the reader when he's sick. Jody comes up with the "why", now y'all need to figure out "how" to fix it. A/N: (Y/N/N): your nickname. This is part 3 of a 6-part series Warnings: swearing Tagging: @autoblocked @organicpurplepants

“I just don’t get it.” You sigh, slamming the book you were reading closed. “I do not get it at all. If I kill the witch, the spell breaks. That’s how it has always been.”

“What did she say again?” Jody asks. She lifts her head from her hands and yawns at you sleepily.

You sigh. “Caelum miles, fortis in tarram, ne amplius servus est infernum. Google translated this to “heaven’s soldier, earth’s warrior, hell’s slave no more.” Although I’ve been staring at these words for the longest time and I can’t. I just can’t. Maybe Rowena needs to help us.”

“Should we trust Rowena to help? I mean, sure. She helped remove the mark from Dean, but she helped unleash the Darkness. Sure she helped with the soul bomb, but she made the soul bomb. And she’s a witch.”

“I for one agree with Jody, you know?” Donna walks in to the library, bouncing Sam on her hip. “Witches are what got them in this mess.”

“So what do we do?” you sigh, rubbing your fingers in circles over your temples. You were starting to get a headache, and you weren’t sure if it was due to the witch problem, or if it was taking care of three grown up men acting like kids. “Because I am out of options or ideas or patience.”

“Why don’t you take a break, you’ve been up a while.” Jody responds.

“Yeah, go check on the grown babies. Get something to eat. Well come at it with a fresh set of eyes. You don’t have to do all of the work (Y/N).” Donna gives you a smile as she rocks Sam back and forth. You nod, but give in at Jody’s “mom look,” and you stand.

After quickly chugging a cup of scalding hot coffee and taking two bites of Dean’s uneaten sandwich, you walk slowly to the boys’ rooms. After assessing that Castiel and Crowley were in fact sleeping soundly, you walked slowly to your room; the room that Dean had made his own.

He was comfortably sleeping, features relaxed as he gripped tight to your pillow. His snores got louder as he turned, eyes and nose red from his head cold. He whimpers as he tries to breathe and lets out a cough.

He blinks slowly, opening his eyes to see you there. “(Y/N/N).” he whines reaching for you. “It hurts.”

“What hurts buddy?” you ask walking to him slowly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Everything.” He whines once more, “my head. My nose. My throat.”

“If you would take the medicine I got you buddy, you’d start to feel better.”

“Noooooo.” He purses his lip and tries to sniff.

“Please, for me? It would make me so happy. We have to have you strong so we can make you better.”

“Better, because the stupid bitch changed me to a baby?”

You chuckle and shake your head, not even bothering to correct him. “Yup. Because we need you to be grown up Dean again.”

To be honest, you missed Dean too much; you were just too proud to admit it. To admit any type of feelings for him.

“Will you cuddle with me if I take the mebicine?” from his stuffy nose he cleared his throat and coughed into his pillow.

“Of course I will, now are you okay if I go and get you a few things?” you run your fingers through his hair, damp from a sweat and his fever. He nods hesitantly and his head falls back to his pillow. His arms tighten around your pillow and he blinks his eyes slowly. You kiss him on the forehead and stand, not expecting two full grown men standing at the door.

“Castiel, Fergus.” You sigh. “How long have you been standing there?”

“I can’t sleep. Dean’s coughing woke me up,” Crowley snottily replied. He was the typical snarky ten year old, and you felt as if he was secretly a teenage girl in a previous life. He sticks out his tongue and folds his arms in front of him. “And don’t call me Fergus.”

“Yeah, and what is your excuse Castiel?”

“I can’t sleep either.”

“What, is Dean bothering you too?” you sigh motioning towards the door. They back out and follow you towards the kitchen.

“No.” Castiel sighs with a sad look. “I just can’t sleep. Monsters are in my room.”

He looks to Crowley and sticks his tongue out at him.

“Well, unfortunately you have to share a room. So I can keep an eye on you all. How about some warm milk and maybe that can help you sleep?” Castiel nods and reluctantly follows after you and Crowley.

Castiel and Crowley are halfway through their third cup of milk when Jody rushes in, a piece of paper in her hand.

“I think I figured it out. Wrap everything up.”

“Dean Winchester, if you do not stop shaking that gift for Jody, it might break. Knock it off.”

Dean pouts, but listens to you perfectly, putting the red and green wrapped package under the tree. He reaches for his present testing your limits. You didn’t care if he shook his gift. Toy cars wouldn’t break as easily as a glass statue you had found.

“But I wanna know what she got.”

“That’s not how Christmas works bud. We’ll open our gifts on Christmas day, now do you want to help me make cookies?” Dean nods hopefully, his attention shift for the time being. “Good, go wash your hands and we’ll make cookies until Jody and Donna get back with Crowley and Castiel and Sam. Maybe they got another tree for your room?”

Dean gives a nod and smiles hopefully, and all but runs to the sink, making more of a mess for you to clean up later.

Jody had come to the conclusion right before Halloween that the spell had to be played out. She thought that it only meant that Dean, Sam and Castiel had no childhood, and the only logical reason she could come up with was that in some odd way, the witch was helping them.

Castiel was known as a heavenly soldier, a grunt. From the time of his creation, the great warrior was set to do God’s bidding. That was all he knew. From the time Mary Winchester had died, to now Dean and Sam were their dad’s little soldiers. That meant no Christmases, no Halloween’s. No fun. So you felt it was logical that they reverted to children.

You weren’t really even surprised with Crowley. You knew how much of a mother Rowena was, and when it came between Rowena and Crowley, everyone knew you could stand him better.

So here you were with an almost two year old, and three overgrown men playing a ten, four and three year old.

“They all asleep?” Jody asked quietly.

“Yup,” Donna sighs following you in to the library. “After a few temper tantrums Fergus laid down.”

“And Sam and Castiel were the easiest to get to sleep.” You replied.

“What about Dean?” Jody asked with a laugh. She took a swig of her beer and looked up to you with a tired smile.

“Wouldn’t sleep until I sang to him. Tried ‘Hey Jude,’ but he wanted Christmas songs. So I had to sing ‘We wish you a merry Christmas,’ ‘Joy to the World,’ and ‘Silent night.’ The little butt head wouldn’t let me leave until I had finished all of the versus of Silent night.”

“You really do love him. Don’t you?” Jody asks watching as you picked apart a sugar cookie that Dean had made. It looked somewhat like an overly large reindeer, plastered with reds and whites, and a mix of who knows what. You take a bite and slowly nod. “Of course. The brothers have been my family for a long time. It’s weird to be without them.”

“No. If I remember hearing her correctly.” Donna puts a bottle of Absolut Vanilla in front of you and a small shot glass. “She asked about Dean. Not the brothers.”

“This is a conversation I’m not drunk enough for Donna.” You shrug and take a drink of the alcohol. “maybe if I’m drunk.”

“Come on, just admit it.” Jody goads you on.

“Okay, sure. I like him. Love him in fact, but Mr. One-Night-Stand wouldn’t feel the same.”

“Sometimes you need to make the move. And at least you’re headed in the right. Acceptance.

[virxle]

Galaxies Behind The Mask

Chapter 1:

When you dream, you never really begin anywhere. It's not at all like a story with a clear start and a lead into everyday life for it's characters, but rather a foggy blur into something just in the middle. Your mind succumbs to the deep and suddenly you can be anywhere in the world, if the world was where your imagination wished... Perhaps this was a dream, a short little nap in his long long life upon this planet. A dream only the length of a human life span, and blink and its gone and just another memory to pile into his already so filled head. It was tiring, draining. Having so much knowledge, existing so long, being powerful... but he had an advantaged that helped the being stay sane. He wasn't human. His mind wasn't frail, his body not weak. He could hold the vast cosmos within his belly and still with that and the tolls of billions of years wearing against his frame... he was far from any limits.

Something he saw reflected upon your eyes as you gazed at him, unsure at first. Unsure if you did the spell correctly, if those stupid foreign words sounded anything more than idiotic babble falling from your lips, but at the sun shone through the sheer white of curtains cascading beams almost angelically against the room and his figure appeared from the very darkness kept at bay, you knew it worked. Knew, and feared. All of this Hoseok could see, could smell. Fear was like a thick and sticky liquid. Touch it and it stain you and spread, but how honey sweet it could smell if not for the bitter taste it produced in blood. As he leaned in for better comfort and to allow you to sort through your emotions, the bookcase behind him creaked under the pressure. This seemed to draw you from your mind because he watched as you thin form, hesitating at first, took a step towards him.

"Are you real?" so spoke carefully, almost a whisper as if your very thoughts willed themselves to his ear seconds before being whisked away by the wind. Hoseok wondered why you'd bother with the ritual if uncertainty was as clear as the large grey looming just overhead, and motioned those large broad shoulders up into a rather incredulous shrug.

"Perhaps." he'd respond, voice deep and thick. Carrying the weight of the statue of a man beyond this world. He paused as you paused, smirked as you stared, and chuckled as you finally released that breath you'd been holding for a few minutes now. Finally he moved, the shelving's giving a rather strained groan as he pushed off of it. Moving in slow steps towards the alter built for the summoning, acutely aware of how you eyes followed him still fixed between bewilderment and disbelief. Those large fingers reaching for the offering dish to hold up a sad looking piece of bread.

"...Bread." he'd deadpan, shifting to look towards you. "Your offering to me is bread?" Sheepishly you'd look away, rubbing at the smooth of your arms as you returned to meet his gaze. "It was all I had."

"And I'm suppose to what. Eat this?" Hoseok questioned with a raised eyebrow, a little surprised at the soft smile presented to him in a flicker of a moment. "Well generally that's what you do with bread." He'd paused. Should he laugh? Display his strength and threaten you? Somehow though, he knew he didn't need to threaten or harm you. No.. there was a feeling of respect in the air, not quite worship, but something just off idolizing. Admiration?? Humans were way too complex in their emotions for him to pick it out so soon.

"Why am I here?" Hoseok spoke softly, moving closer to you to get a good look, as if he couldn't see you clear as day from where he already stood. "Why did you summon me?" His hand gently cupping the round of your cheek, but to his surprise and amusement. You didn't flinch, didn't recoil, didn't show fear from him but rather stood straighter. As if there were something to prove, and you tone backed that as those lips parted. "Everything." You told him. Everything? What a human thing to say. Now, the chuckle Hoseok harbored bubbled to the surface.

"You want everything?" and confidently you nodded. "Yes. I want a good life, I want money. Protection. I want to learn and do more with my life than be someone's slave. I want everything." Quickly Hoseok licked his lips to moisten them as he shifted to lean to your eye level and get a better look at that soul of yours. "To ask me for everything, is to give me everything. You don't want to be a slave but do you see any other way?" he questioned sincerely.

"Being the slave of a man is different. Men are greedy, and use whatever excuse to be cruel or do what they want... but you aren't a 'man' are you? You're something else..." Hoseok would lie if he didn't admit to the feeling to want to puff his chest out a bit at your words. "Are you evil?" you'd asked him and he'd release you from his grasp and stare. "I'm... 'everything' " he'd chuckle again.

"So you want to be mine in exchange for a better life." he'd wrap it all up nice and vague and with eagerness you'd taken the bait. "Yes. A spectacular life..." and as if you'd just caught on. "a 'long' life. With one rule. You cannot harm me, or try to collect on our deal early. In fact I want you to ensure I stay as healthy and live as long as possible." Amusement flickered against Hoseok’s features. How simple the request... and the offering was almost too good to be true. Still he waited as if he needed to think about any of it. You had a clean soul, and for all the human body's failings.. so many parts of it could be used in a vast majority of spells... then there’s the added bonus of a servant for a short but hopefully sweet 50 years at least... Still he waited. Let the worry and nervousness bubble within your being, letting your anxiety peak in fear of not offering enough, or being rejected. He waited just until you opened your mouth to say something, before cutting in and taking your hand to place a gently kiss against your skin.

"You have a deal... for the remainder of your life you have me. Use me, as you see fit for your... better life. I'm all yours." With a snap and a turn of his hand he'd catch a small sack as it appeared into the air, clanging the moment it hit his hand, and then again as it was offered to you. "It's time to start your new life, with this you can buy your freedom and start anew... Now." he'd pause, those blue eyes glinting a cold silver. "What's the name of my new master?"

[gingerambition]

Ginger vs. Nice Guys

To paraphrase Elizabeth Warren, I am sick and tired of guys justifying their asshole tendencies with the misinformed perception that women rather date douche bags than nice guys. So that might not be her exact train of thought, but it’s definitely not a sentiment too far off from from having to constantly explain to Republicans how funding for Planned Parenthood doesn’t go toward abortions. But back to the current white girl issue at hand. While I haven't been in the modern dating game long, I was under the impression that the "be mean to her if you like her" mentality stopped when lunch was no longer followed by recess. "I'd hide all the chairs in the world so the only place you could sit is my face," is the way a 29-year-old college educated man introduced himself to me on a dating app. Now don’t you dare sit on the other side of this screen and think, “Meh, she should expect / deserves that for trying to meet guys on an app.” I am doing my fair share of meeting shitty dudes IRL too. Case in point, in the past month I’ve had my arm grabbed at a bar hard enough it left a finger print bruise. Moral of the story, low self-esteem toting men do exist beyond a profile sporting a series of pictures with ex-girlfriends so poorly cropped out from 2013 and yet another bio that says, “Likes football, pizza and fast cars, home owner, my dog is my best friend.” So give girls a fucking break on riding them for posting a picture with a Snapchat filter.

Now I consider my sense of humor my strongest and single most attractive personality trait. I love a good dirty joke, ask me the difference between jelly and jam (after at least learning how to correctly spell my name) and I'll marry you on the spot. Hell, this entire blog / my life is essentially a "that's what she said" punchline – but develop a sense of how to read the virtual fucking room, dude. Against my better judgement (lol what better judgement) I responded. Anyways, I was like, hmm, maybe this guy isn’t a horrible person and he will correct himself and I won’t have to drop some girl power knowledge on yet another upper middle class white male. WRONG. I tried to seriously explain the below to him, but he just laughed, mansplained to me what I actually want / need in a guy, and that’s when what little patience I had ran out faster than my friends and I to the dance floor when “The Wobble” comes on. Now if I’m the one unmatching, it’s saying something. My standards in the opposite sex are like Trumps filter on social media, nonexistent.  Decent women don't dislike nice guys, they dislike pushovers. When or who decided that being "spineless" was synonymous with being "nice" is beyond my comprehension. You can be nice while still maintaining and defending your own opinions, interests, and sense of humor. Obviously you're going to agree on some things (hopefully the major life shit like kids, pets, whether or not ketchup is good on eggs - which it is), but not everything. If you agreed on everything you might want to invest in Incestry.com to make sure you’re not actually related. Or like wave your hand in front of a mirror to make sure you haven’t been dry humping your reflection in sweatpants.

From what I’ve gathered, this alarmingly large group of guys who believe the mortal enemy to getting pussy is being "the nice guy" think that means saying yes to everything a gal wants, agreeing with her every opinion, and lets her make all of the plans. That's not being nice, that's being boring. Ladies define a nice guy as a fella who makes an effort to get to know her friends and family, remembers a couple of her favorite things, asks how her day is going, and just like, doesn’t kick puppies or key cars for fun. BUT ALSO (this is where some guys get super confused and think the light is green to be a douche) challenges her to be the best version of herself, to expand her worldview, and to never settle. News flash brosidens, kings of the brocean, it is possible to positively impact someone’s life without using fear tactics or insults. 

At the same time women need to stop confusing a dude's mean streak with confidence. The loudest person in the room isn’t always the kindest. We (dick & vagina owners) also need to accept someone cannot be forced to change. People grow at their own pace and in their own direction. You can try to steer but it’s not your route to determine. I for one know my outgoing smartass net catches more assholes than nice guys, but it’s worth it because the nice ones it does attract, a few I have actually gone out with, have resulted in some of the wittiest, most hilarious conversations of my life - and some not so bad backseat finger blasting.

Now I could end this by taking the easy road and insulting their penis size or their glaringly apparent belief that women belong in the kitchen, but that would be a shot cheaper than the American Eagle graphic tee I assume they are wearing while hiding behind a computer screen stringing together whatever Urban Dictionary words they just learned in the comment's section of a stranger's YouTube page to make themselves feel more masculine. 

I’m honestly just running out of ways to say don’t be gross, listen, gluten isn’t the enemy, try new things, share your wifi password, people who get pineapple on their pizza aren’t evil, and save the face sitting jokes for post actual face sitting. Until next time.

[beforehefell]

                                        Before He Fell                            ~Chapter Three - Entry 08~

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          “He’s kidding right?” She thought to herself skeptically as she watched the dear doctor lay out the cards carefully across a newly cleared section of the work bench’s surface. Each card held a letter or number; spanning thirty-six total cards for each letter of the English alphabet, or Common as he called it, and numbers zero through nine. They reminded her of the cards used to teach toddlers.

           “Don’t give me that look.” Gaster stated, finally looking over to her as he finished laying out the cards, “This will only be a temporary measure until you begin to actually speak to me, I understand it is not the most efficient method. Or do you feel comfortable enough to use signs now?”

           Brushing her bangs aside she sighed as she simply huffed in reply to his comment. “Sign language…” She was studying, watching and replicating each slide that he provided her but… she stretched her fingers lightly, watching them bend. It was rather hard for her to grasp. WingDings was something she understood only because her mind began to adapt from years of hearing Gaster speaking it. Even now her mind was learning what each movement meant but to replicate them… it never felt right. She was sure she could produce simple sentences if she really tried but she… what if…

           “Not… not yet.” She decided and ceased floating, the bottoms of her bare feet silently tapping onto the tile floor. No matter how many times she moved ‘normally’ it continued to unsettle her when her movements caused no sounds. It is why she preferred to glide, at least then her mind was able to cope with the soundlessness.

           There was another reason of course to why she preferred to remain airborne. This reason was staring down at her as she drifted to stand beside the skeleton. It was only when she grounded herself that she was reminded of their height difference, it made her uneasy having him loom over her. She always felt a sort of satisfaction when he was forced to look up at her when they spoke, and in times like now she felt… vulnerable as he looked down upon her.

           She pushed the unease to the back of her mind, reminding herself that despite his past in regards to her physical body, he had been nothing but civil with her since they began interacting. She didn’t enjoy the way he objectified her, calling her ‘it’ and ‘human’ but there was no real harm to it and her title was something she had come to terms with of her own choosing.

           “I assume you understand how this will work?” Gaster questioned, gesturing to the cards.

           She nodded in reply, it was a simple idea. Spell out her answers to form words and sentences. It was basic and crude in the ways of communication but she supposed that given the amount of time he had dealt with yes, no, and trying to interpret her gestures for meanings it was understandable that he would want to try a method that would give more detailed answers. At least until she felt comfortable enough to speak in signs.

           “First question. A simple one.” He started, picked up his clip board and looking at his notes; which she had no idea how to read since he wrote everything in his language. She understood him just fine but reading the written form of his words was something she just could not do. “Are you… human?”

           “Simple. Right.” She thought, rolling her eyes and reaching forward and spelling out her answer, “Y-E-S-F-E-M-A-L-E-T-O-O” Adding in her gender as a preemptive move to what she thought would be the next ridiculous question.

           “So, this gives evidence that your lack of sign usage is not caused by your inability to spell.” Was his reply to the addition, a jab at her lack of progress but she watched in satisfaction as she noticed him cross out two lines on the paper of questions; knowing that despite the fact she could not read WingDings, she had correctly predicted his next question.

           “Next question. How old are you?”

           This caused her to give an exasperated sigh, “I expected something deeper.” She retorted mentally before reaching forward to spell out her answer, but stopped, her hang hovering over the cards as she began to realize the question.

           How old was she? Her mind turned trying to come to an answer. “When I fell… I was... but I’m not anymore… it’s… it’s been years… How… how old am I?” She had been in the tank for ages, unaware for so long. Even when she was finally conscious she had drifted in and out of that consciousness so often, time had become meaningless to her… Yet now, presented with this question it brought to mind another, one she had stopped considering long ago… “How long have I been down here?”

           How long since she had seen her family and friends? How long since she last saw a sunrise while jogging? How long since that night?  How long… since she had died?

           She pulled her hand back slowly, her hand shaking.  She bit the tip of her thumb as her mind reeled. “How long did they look for me? Do they still think about me? Did they ever find out about-“

           “Your age when you fell.” Gaster provided, his calm voice breaking through her inner turmoil. Her eyes turned to him, now noticed the glaze that covered them as she did. She blinked, and tears slid down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away and gave the doctor a light nod, thankful for the clarification. As well as pulling her from the dark thoughts she fought to avoid.

           She looked back at the cards tentatively, now more cautious of the questions he was asking her. Reaching forward she pointed to two cards, one and seven, spelling out ‘seventeen’ as her answer to the question.

           “Seventeen…” She had died at seventeen. She sighed as her memories of her life danced in her head, “Forever seventeen… Sounds like a bad movie...”

           “Actually...” Gaster started, his pen tapping the edge of the clipboard lightly as he spoke, pulling her attention to him once again. Her mind spun, was he going to tell her how long she had been down here? Her real age? “Given that your body does age while stasis, albeit much slower… I would say eighteen would be accurate in describing your physical age.”

           Relief flooded her as his words reached her. She didn’t want to know, she realized. She didn’t want to know how long she had been dead or trapped in the prison that was her body. She fought with every piece of her being to not think about what she had lost. It was what she enjoyed most about speaking to Gaster; he didn’t want to know her, he wanted to know humans.

           She couldn’t help but smile at the statement. At his, unintentional as it may have been, kindness.

           Running her hands through her hair and stretching, he took a deep breath and nodded towards her companion that they could continue.

           His next questions were more in-depth, asking various questions about surface life. How tall plants tended to grow, how we produced our food, even what the monarchy was like. This one perked her interest because it let her know that Monsters had a monarchy. Humans had them as well but her region was governed by a President. Some of the questions were strange and not simple to answer and for every question she answered she saw him cross it out and write down more.

           She knew that he would have plenty more to ask once she began to use signs.

           She was beginning to feel tired, the effort of the responses starting to take effect. She was not enjoying this method of communication at all.

           “What was your profession?”

           She did a double take, looking at the skeleton for the first time since really getting into the answers. It was the first time she could recall that he had asked questions specific to her life on the surface. Even their yes and no conversations where more of a game of charades as he tried to learn about what life on the surface was like.

           She swallowed lightly and quickly pointed out her answer, wanting to move to the next one. Hoping it wasn’t focused on her, “High School Student.”

           She could see the indented curve above his left eye, the skeleton monster equivalent of his eyebrows, contort in interest at her answer and jot it down on the clipboard.

           “So you are still a child, since you attend school? Hmm… I thought you older given your… apparel.”

           The comment about her clothes confused her as she wondered what it meant but she focusing on the question, spelling out “18 legal adult age senior in school last year.” She huffed as she finished, proud. She did not want him thinking her a child. Though seventeen was not a child, saying eighteen was the legal age would be more convincing as well as adding in she was about to finish school.

           “So you were on the edge of ‘official’ adulthood when you fell.” He replied, noting the response. “What profession were you planning on entering than?”

           “Why more questions about me…” Her mind drifted to the surface. Of Amy and her talking on Career day about their futures.

           “Come on, Speedy! You could total be a Police Officer! They’d never outrun you and you’d help people out and-“

           “I’m not much for violence… I was actually thinking…

           “Social Worker?” Gaster read aloud as she spelled out her answer.

           She nodded, spelling out “Help kids.”

           He studied her carefully, something she was very used to now. For a moment she thought she saw something in his eyes when he looked down and wrote her reply down once again. When he looked back up the neutral expression he always wore had returned.

           Just as he was about to speak again, his watch began to beep. A sign today’s session was over.

           She was thankful for this. She wasn’t enjoying the trip down memory lane and was also beginning to feel exhausted. Hopefully he would not use this method too often, if not at all in the future.

           Gaster turned the timer off, reviewing his clipboard, “One last question before today’s session finishes.”

           She only gave a nod in reply, hoping it would be something simple.

           “What is your name?”

           It was a simple question but it caused her mind to spin none the less.

           “Why that?” why did he have to ask that? She stared at the cards, biting her lip lightly as she considered her answer. She had come to terms with not having a name, come to terms with just being ‘human’. Why did he question it now?

           “Would… it be so bad?” She thought, “Letting him know it?” Her gaze travelled along the room, from the doctor to the desk opposite the room, the tank… her cage. “No… No... I don’t want to hear it! If he says it… if he… that would mean…” She shook her head fiercely, hugging herself.

           “No?” Gaster replied, a hint of annoyance floating in his tone, “It’s a simple question. I am not asking to upset you. I just want to address you properly, by your name.”

           “Me? My name… Why is he asking questions about me?! I’m not anything special… I’m nothing… My name doesn’t exist… Dead things… don’t have names…” Again she shook her head in reply, her hands pressed tightly against her.

           “Do you not remember it?”

           “Remember it…? Of course I do… Just thinking about it makes me…” Images flashes through her mind; her Mom waking her up in the morning, Amy yelling out her name to get her attention in a crowd, Zach-

           “No! No… I don’t want to hear it!”

           “If you remember, why won’t you tell me?”

           She stared at Gaster, her eyes pleading with him. The plea went ignored as he waited expectantly for her answer.  

           She sighed, finally deciding to give an answer. Reaching forward she began to spell that answer out.

           “S-T-O-P-A-S-K-I-N-G” Gaster spoke aloud, reading the words as they were spelt.

           She gained some satisfaction, seeing how taken aback he was her answer.

           “Human, I am asking as nicely as I can.” His tone thick with irritation, “What is your name?”

           The pressure to reply, after her clear indication of not wanting to answer and the stress of his sudden interest in her personal life angered her. She had been doing her best to be polite after the havoc there first interaction had caused but she had thought she had earned some respect from her. It seems she was wrong.

           She glared deeply at the doctor before reaching towards the cards and spelling out her final reply. “Fuck off.” As soon as she was sure he saw the final letter, she faded from view, not wanting to deal with the Monster any longer.

           For a short time she watched, seeing him react to her out lash. If he was upset, he hid it well as he gathered the cards and his supplies. It was only when he went to the laptop that displayed her lessons that he showed any reaction. Instead of starting it up to allow her to view them as normal, he instead shut down and closed the device, leaving it on the desktop in view after he left.

           It seemed childish to do so, but it did hurt her to see it done. Even as unsure of herself as she was with the signs, she stilled enjoyed having the activity of studying available to do. Seeing the device there, so easily accessible just showed how powerless she really was.

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[childrencryinncoffee-blog]

Alcohol Was Invented by the Gods...for Parents

Today it's finally clicked for me, why there's so many memes and posts dedicated to Moms and their love of wine, or alcohol in general.

I am tired. I am chronically bitchy and irritable and stuck within 4 walls with 5 kids. Their personalities are as wildly varied as their ages; from newborn to teenager and I don't know how to parent each of them individually. You'd think, after being a mother for nearly 14 years, I'd be a veteran, I'd have this shit pat down.

Sure, being a SAHM is one of the toughest jobs a parent can have, and true, it can be rewarding, but at the same time it can be psychologically damaging. The constant arguing, bribing, negotiating, demanding...and that's all AFTER the civil conversations. My issues vary amongst the kiddos too; one refuses to do her chores correctly or just doesn't do them, another half-asses them and I have to go 'round and clean up what they supposedly cleaned and the other 2 just refuse to do their ACTUAL chores in favor of doing the easy things that'll earn them points on their chore chart. My oldest is lazy, which, I wish if I were as lazy as her, I wish I could be as thin as her. My son, though he is INCREDIBLY helpful and always asking me if I need anything; has a habit of forgetting to do things, things that are specifically spelled out in his chore folder. Then the little girls; they throw each other under the bus for playing rather than cleaning and they get distracted by EVERYTHING.

I didn't grow up as spoiled as my kids are. I didn't have Wifi and Social media. I didn't have smartphones, tablets, a DS, a PS4/PS3/PS2/Wii and Rockband equipment. I didn't have huge flatscreens with cartoons and DVR'ed episodes of the shows I loved. It took nearly a decade and a half before I had my own room; I almost always bunked with my little sister who's about 7 years my junior and we clashed all the time. I didn't have a bike, or rollerblades, or all the fun outdoor toys. And I sure as hell didn't have a huge 50x30 sized playroom FULL of hundreds of thousands of dollars of the coolest, most requested toys. I had books and paper to write on and had to ask permission to walk to the local library, where I'd spend hours of my free time.

And all I ask these kids to do is help out and keep their rooms clean. And even with their help; I STILL have a a lot to do daily myself. Laundry, especially the laundry, with 7 people, it's never ending. The bulk of my days are spent loading laundry to wash, starting the dryer, nursing a baby, folding laundry, putting it away, starting another load, drying another and nursing a baby again. And sprinkled in between those hours are dusting, making beds, straightening up, fixing the couch, picking random shit up off the floor, going through the always-present mountain of mail and school paperwork and bills. I wash the dishes and then wash the baby's accessories and by then someone needs to be nursed again. And I'm expected to not only find time to READ a book, but write 2 myself, as well as maintain a blog AND do my school studies? No wonder my blood is at least 50% caffeine.

Maybe having my mother move in would be a good idea, but after a long and thorough conversation with her and Derrick and the kids. Because sometimes her harping on my kids is far more of a hindrance to me than helpful. And I don't want my kids resenting me the way I did my mom for the longest time. But maybe her being here would allow me to focus on school like I should, and she could help me with a few of my chores when I'm busy with the baby--but I wouldn't blur the line between grandma and housekeeper. I hate being treated like a housekeeper, so I wouldn't do that to my mom. And who knows, maybe it'll be easier this time because my sister and her kids aren't here. It was a bitch trying to maintain this house with the three of them here, because she was lazier than Evelyn, didn't pay rent and ate up all my food and towards the end, I easily dropped a hundred or two on packs of cigarettes for her. WTF she was so stressed about beats me, if anything I could've used the $200 worth of cigarettes for my anxiety and stress, let alone poor Derrick who was keep all of us afloat.

But then another part of me worries about having my mom here. I become of two minds when she's around. She's the last parent I have left; after my dad choosing to not be a part of my life and Stephanie dying, so I try to maintain a relationship with my mom, because she's technically all I have left. But when she's here and she's either yelling at my kids or berating them to me; she doesn't recognize the repetitive exhaustion on my face from being tired of hearing the same "you're not a good enough mother and if these were my kids..." speeches. And at the same time, I'm so used to her yelling and berating from my childhood that I either ignore it or I tend to harp along with her to my kids. And I'm both a stressed out 32 year old mother of 5 who can't get her kids to listen, and she's grateful for the help...and then I'm also that 11 year old again, who's trying her hardest to be an Honor Roll student and keep a clean house just to "please" my mother.

Why the fuck do I do that?

And then she has the habit of making it worse by talking on and on about her workouts at Curves and how she's using this new weightloss pill and that weightloss pill and how these WorkIt Wraps are a Godsend and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like TRYING to get my mental and emotional shit in order so I can work on my physical appearance, but to literally have EVERY conversation stream from my kids' inabilities to clean properly to how I need to lose weight since she has, is really fucking damaging to my psyche.

And after I'm stressed out from trying to man my house, do chores, be a dairy-cow for a baby on demand, and try to parent my other 4 kids whom are capable of cleaning and following directions, to being a cook who's responsible for at least 2 meals a day, to dealing with guilt trips from my mom and her not respecting my mental boundaries with my grandfather and her constant pressuring to FORGIVE him so he can see my kids, to her bitching about my kids to me making me feel like a shit mother, to her going on and on about diets and pills and wraps and Curves and then her transition to shit about Keyre and then somehow she's bitching about Robert and the shit he took from her, to me needing to nurse again and swap the laundry again, then arguing with the kids about why their rooms aren't clean and it's 20 minutes till bedtime and showers need to be taken and there's more laundry and I'm counting down the minutes until Derrick gets home, so I can clock out...but then guilt hits and rather than "clock out" I make a drink and I UNLOAD all my stress of the day onto him.

I don't expect him to fix everything; but I married a smart man and damn; all this shit every day makes me hella indecisive and I'm left between a rock and a hard place.

I am struggling at this parenting thing.

I am struggling at this being an adult woman thing.

I am struggling at this being a wife thing.

Now that it's summer, I'm hoping like hell it'll get a bit easier. Done, for now, are the 5am alarms. So no morning madness rushing while sleep-deprived. I can nurse at 4am and go back to bed if Ivy allows me to. Hopefully I can finally tend to the personal goal list I made myself. I want to go to the gym and at least run on the treadmill for 30 minutes a day; listening to music, not newborn screams or little girls fighting over their Troll hairbrush. I'd like some help with the laundry; I don't mind washing and drying, but can someone else at least fold? And I don't mind doing the dishes; if someone else puts them away.

These kids have so many expectations this summer; from trips to the Great Wolf Lodge, Seaworld, the beach and hella activities...and my expectations? A clean house in case company comes over, where I'm not rushing to clean an hour before their expected to arrive and I'm a fucking bloody sweaty mess when they get here and I can't relax. I want time to READ an actual book. And yes, I expect a fucking getaway with my husband this summer, without the kids, because I am with them ALL THE TIME and he works so fucking hard to provide for us that he deserves to PLAY with some of his money, not just WORK all the damn time. 6 to sometimes 7 days a week, sometimes pulling 36 hour shifts, as a driver is fucking deadly for him. I am truly paranoid about it--but he does it to pay for the internet, the food, the electronics, a fresh supply of art and craft shit and so many other things the kids don't fathom.

Today is one of those days; where as soon as Derrick left for work, the baby became inconsolable and nothing I did calmed her down, until 3 hours later, I think she passed out due to exhaustion and screaming. The AC is still broke and it's over a 100 degrees here. I am pouring buckets while sitting here typing this AND I'm sippin' on an icy drink. The girls (ALL of them) haven't cleaned their rooms and I made the mistake of gifting Evelyn back her iPhone yesterday, in agreement that she'd keep her room clean--that worked out gleefully (sarcasm). Maverick is the only one who did his chores without asking AND he asked me if I needed anything else. There's still laundry, even though I've already done 6 loads today. But the garage is like a sauna and I'm trying to avoid it at all costs; but I tore our bed apart, to wash the sheets and blankets in Dreft...so I have to tend to the laundry whether or not I actually want to.

So I get it, moms who enjoy their wine. Except I need something with a higher proof.

But I can't get drunk or even buzzed, because I REFUSE to dip into my freezer stash of breast milk. That is SOLELY for when Derrick and I go away to Costa Rica later this summer and I am NOT fucking up my supply!

So I'm sippin' on my weak ass Mai Tai that's far more juice than rums and I say CHEERS to all the SAHP that are dealing with similar shit, just a different day. We'll figure this out eventually. And hopefully they'll clean up their fire hazard of a bedroom before they actually become fire hazards. Cheers!