#hopefully I'll be doing better tomorrow so I'm gonna try to be on the grind to get stuff out

[rubra-wav]

Is this blog going to become another one that's gone inactive due to loss of hyperfixation? I really hope not because I love it :(

Nope. I'm not going anywhere, dw 🙏

Without getting too far into it, i've just been dealing with a growing pile of bs IRL that's been making me. Well. Not feel good /lh

I'm also chronically ill and that's particularly been absolutely buttfucking me the past few days due to temperature changes + the stress from the former 👎

Skill issue, I know /j

My hyperfixation iron is still burning hot and I'm definitely not going anywhere. I'm just dead asf rn 💀

There's a lot to come dw. I'm just trying to revive myself

Also, although I'm not taking reqs for full posts/polished writings, y'all are absolutely still welcome to just generally talk to me about Hazbin, i.e., send your own headcanons, ask questions, stuff like that. I love when people interact w me outside of just requesting stuff

[wachtelspinat]

Hi, I saw your background with studying medicine and being an artist and I wanted to ask something!! hope it isn't uncomfy. so the school system by itself is killing my creativity and Im afraid I'll completely lose myself if I get into college... Even if I choose to study something art related. College is really absorbing and I don't want to graduate and have killed the only talent I have, thats scary!!! So, how did you "go" back? did drawing help with the stress of college or make it worse? Sometimes my studies define me so so much I cant do anything else, its so frustrating :(

hey there ! i really don't know if i can bring sth to the plate that's positive or uplifting in the matter because i've been in a struggle with art myself for almost 2 years now. i'm really trying to come back but the pace has changed drastically. it's still a constant mood crusher everytime i look back and see how my output has declined. nevertheless i'm drawing again in the smallest babysteps so hopefully i'm gonna pick up the pace again at some point.

as for school and art. yeah. i kind of opened with my current situation because altho (med) school was A Meatgrinder technically speaking i still found time to draw here and there. which was mostly thanks to my higher energy lvl back then and my BIG motivation to draw and to share. so i'd say drawing absolutely helped with the stresses of studying and med school. it was my happy place and escapism. and because of that there was hardly any doubt in my head that i'll ever lose that. so i think it is safe to say that as long as you want to draw you will always be drawing.

second thought here which is also important is that you won't be stuck in an eternal grind, even if it feels like it sometimes. there will be times in which everything sucks. and there will be times in which everything could be worse. and if you wanna draw then, you're going to draw. that's at least how i experienced it. even the longer periods of not drawing because of exhaustion/loss of motivation/exam periods etc eventually pass. and sometimes it's ok to remind yourself that drawing is not everything, altho we like to think that way sometimes. it's absolutely ok not to draw for a while.

another breaking point for me was when i actually started to study for art (anatomy as in for drawing etc) because it helped me at a point at which i felt stuck and it made me understand that i will never be done learning in regards of drawing. which is a good reminder whenever you feel like you are losing your "talent", which is not a talent but a work in progess for years and years to come. so in the end, even if you have to step back from drawing for the time being, you have the ability to always come back to it and get better again. like we have to treat making art like learning a language, there is never an end to it and we have to practice to be back in shape. i know this sounds like work but idk for me it made sth click in my head that i'm not losing sth here. i just have to warm up and get back on the track again.

i hope this helped in some way, i'm really sorry that you feel like you are about to experience a great loss (i absolutely get you, it sucks to deal with this, esp. when outer circumstances force you to push your hobbies in the background) but i think that if you really want to engage with drawing again, you won't lose this. you may have to put work into it, and it may not be today or tomorrow, but if you really want to do it, you keep at it.

[koolades-world]

Hello!!!! Yeah so my attempt at acting cool and collected went down the drain the moment you responded to me… I literally woke up this morning, saw your notification and squealed for a good few seconds!!! I’m sorry but you’re so cool T^T not to mention, who wouldn’t freak out when their favourite author talks to them AND is mutuals with them??? Anyway! I’ve been trying to get better since I’m currently not in the right place, mentally speaking. But today seemed like a good day, so hopefully I can maintain this! I hope you’ve been doing well as well!

I only what I believe is true to me, so no need to thank me, I’m just being honest :). I also got quite lucky with Satan’s card since I got him in 31 pulls, and I needed 3 more UR+ jokers to skill level up. And let me tell you, I physically stop for a few seconds to take in his Home Screen dialogue… I’m so in love with this man it’s not even funny 😭 so it’ll definitely be worth it!! (Not so) happy grinding :,) I’ll happily be waiting on that Drabble!!! Thank you so much for explaining the tag!

Have a lovely day/night, and take care!!

YOURE THE BEST!!! sorry it took a bit to get back to you! had a busy day and made some soup! love that we both had a mutual squeal moment as mutuals. i'm also on my mental health journey right now so if it comforts you, we are in this together :) my favorite trick to motivate myself to preform basic tasks that i don't have the motivation for is to think about satan and what it would be like to do that basic task with him. mentally ill behavior, i know, but sometimes you need to be mentally ill to get better haha

so glad to hear you also got him!! he knew how much you love him so he came home early. i really want to unlock the premium but honestly i'm kind of glad i didn't. story time!: right now i still live with my parents because i'm a student so anytime my grandparents come over, i'm dragged into hanging out with them. don't get me wrong, love them but they can be a lot. they're asian and very religious. (i'm sure you can see where this is going.) to please them, i sat in the living room with them instead of up in my room. i had just gotten the card earlier that day and was trying my hardest to start gathering materials for the card. out of nowhere, my grandparents appear over my shoulders and ask what i was doing. thank god i was not interacting with satan or lucifer. i immediately closed the game and went to go play a different game hahaha. i do not know what i would've done if i had the shower satan on my homescreen

alright story over! haha. he's soooo gorgeous. for a while i thought i was a lesbian (i know, a little odd considering the fandom) but satan. he is the only man i've ever been this wild about. to me, he is literally perfect. i wish he was real wahhhh. been cooking that one drabble we talked about last week!! wanted to have it out today but i accidently took a three hour nap and had to bump tomorrows upload to today. It'll be out tomorrow! not so much of a drabble gonna be so real but i think you'll really like it!!!!! attaching a sneak peak of something i already wrote and a little bit from my notes that i'll be cutting out of the final product but thought were funny

stay beautiful!! <333

[frogsandfries]

Patches

I bought a rainbow fish and some nifty peacock feather patches from JoAnn's, some plastic embroidery bobbins, a sheet of black acrylic felt and some permanent adhesive. But they didn't have bar pins, which I wanted to use because of the surface area of the attachment surface. I bought a cute sunflower at Wal-Mart, and a little palm iron, plus I found my bar pins, and a little speaker.

I was thinking about making a little carrier/cozy for my speaker, because it didn't come with a lanyard or a strap or anything. If I make little loops for the lip of the cozy, I could hook the speaker to a carabiner or possibly my coat or bag. If I was better at making pretty things, I would love to make a beaded carrier for it. Maybe I can embellish the carrier after I make it.

I couldn't find my scissors, so I did not have any opportunity to cut the sheet of interfacing, which mean that I didn't start patching my coat. It seems maybe a little silly to use all the feathers, since there are two or three of each color. Maybe I'll make them all and put some of them away. I think it would be cool to have one of like those Danish cookie tins full of pinned patches either for my kid to discover, or to sell at some flea market. I've already decided I love spray paint too much to not paint any tin I'm going to store my stuff in.

I'm gonna go sew my reflectix to my curtain. I'm excited to feel one step closer to being back in my van and hopefully for real this time. I hope tomorrow we actually go to the storage bin. I'm desperate to work on some boards for that futon. Sometimes there's so much to do, it's not only overwhelming, but it's also frustrating because I feel like I'm grinding my gears and spinning my wheels, as much as I try to accept that the weather plays a factor and do what I can control.

[demon-winchester]

Tremors Behind The Veil Chapter 9

-Chapter 9-

Screaming and howls everywhere

I jumped from the bed with cold sweat and warm tears running down my face.

The nightmares have been getting worse.

Three days have passed with no signs of Circe in any of the abandoned churches surrounding the city.

I have not exchanged words with anyone... the days have felt endless. I need a win.

The doors of the bunker opened and I headed out. The weather was really moody. The sun was cowering behind the clouds and a light fog has coated the city, a city still asleep with only some birds chirping , saying good morning to whoever was unlucky enough to start their day this early. Two churches were left on my list and then, if I had time I would join my classmates for a coffee... Only two days were left after all.

Both churches turned out to be a waste of time. Empty, gothic buildings with some rotten furniture and plenty of bird nests. Another failure, my god I need a break.

I showed up to the cafe and I managed to scare a couple of my friends sitting with their backs turned on me. The time moved swiftly and the atmosphere was really light, it felt like a normal day for once. I tip toed my way around their questions and I must say it went surprisingly better than I expected. Though I couldn't forget the fact that this meetup was more bitter than sweet. It felt like a goodbye and as far as I'm concerned, it was. Lydia emerged with one of the teachers so I excused myself and I approached her once she was alone. We hugged and we started chatting. Eventually, I talked about the dead end I've put myself in because I'm sure her insight would help.

"Huh, abandoned churches you say?" she exclaimed while gazing in the distance, "Chapels are technically churches too aren't they?" she continued. "Well I thought about that too and I've checked.. Even if you count the fact that they are too small for a ritual or something, every last one I've checked was entirely empty" I answered. "Oh damn... OH DAMN" she said jumping up from her seat and smiling, "you know where else you can find a Chapel don't you?" she continued and I was left entirely confused,"Hospitals you idjit!!!".

My eyes lit up, "See, most times you're stupider than a pile of bricks but others... Well other times you surprise me and that's why I love the way you think" I said while starting to gather my stuff. "I'm gonna take the last part as a compliment but nevertheless fuck you!!" she replied. . . "You're leaving already aren't you?" she asked with a lower tone. "That lead might make the difference between life and death and I'm running out of time" I answered. "Tomorrow is the last day you know" she sighed. "I do know, and I'm spending it with you if I find her today... That's why I'm on a hurry" I replied and I hugged her "Bye for now and with a little hope, tomorrow is going to be amazing". "Bye" she replied in a somber tone while I was walking away.

After a bit of research I found an old hospital complex placed near the outskirts. I talked with some people on some creepypasta sites. It's called the Eloise complex but it's known within the community as the Hiver Noir Asylum meaning Black Winter. Stories date back to the Cold War era where the clinically insane were living there and apparently some doctors decided to have some fun with them... Even after all the things I've fought, humans still take the crown for the most despicable. It's been abandoned for 10 years now and it's supposedly haunted, sudden temperature drops, constantly frozen windows and they say you can hear teeth grinding and 'faint wails of anguish of the lost souls', man the creepypasta writers have a lot of imagination. Recently though there have been reports of veiled figures appearing in the premises. Certainly a great contender.

The sun was setting and the scenery was perfect, I of course had the cover of night and the fog would certainly come in useful for getting there... Too far to walk so I had to use my wings.

I landed and dust rose from the ground around me. The asylum was desolate. Overgrown weeds all around the premises and vines slowly making their ascend on the walls of the building . It almost felt like nature had consciousness, like she was trying to reclaim these grounds and then, hopefully, drag this horrid building in the deepest circles of hell.

I approached and I started hearing a weird sound but I couldn't quite understand what it was so I brushed it off. I reached the doors. The windows were frozen and the door knobs were encased in ice.. they wouldn't open. I kicked the doors down and a faint scream was heard in the distance. The weird sound could still be heard but now it was coming from right behind me... I could almost phrase what the sound was.. it stood on the edge of my tongue but I couldn't quite grasp it. I roamed around the building for a bit and the atmosphere was suffocating each and every second.

Eerie phenomenons were happening as I was delving deep inside the building. Peculiar figures standing at the ends of expanding corridors, doors opening and closing by themselves, faint wails in the distance, sudden temperature drops and that awful sound hadn't seized in all this time... My blood was running cold and the exit had never seemed quite so sweet, yet, I had to keep going. The wooden floors were creaking on my every step as I entered a long hallway full of rooms. I kept walking and I was sure some of the footsteps weren't mine. Something was terribly wrong in this asylum.

I was startled and I stopped moving. A face was at the end of the hallway, it was tilting from the wall and looking at me. I - I couldn't move a muscle and the person, or the thing, or whatever it was, it was still staring at me. When I managed to take a step back I felt someone breathing on my shoulder. "Can I crawl inside your body? I feel so, so cold." someone whispered to my ear, then I heard that sound and it was coming from them all this time... They started grinding their teeth.

<Flashback>

Countless nights full of feverous dreams and horrific delusions. They all came back, flooding my mind. Memories of that asylum deeply buried were now digging their way back to the surface. I've been here before. I was just a kid when I roamed these halls last time. My grandfather was admitted in this place... He was fighting with Alzheimer's but something else must have been going on in order to be here... This is an asylum for the insane after all. We would visit him during the spring and I can faintly remember the scent of daffodils as if it was dancing around my nose while I was running down these halls... These memories would always end up the same way once I entered the room of my grandfather. Seemingly normal but on a closer look, signs of deterioration all around. From dead flowers to cracked mirrors and even bugs crawling around. This happened every year and I remember that every time he struggled more and more to recognize me. He would tell stories about terrifying witches, fire breathing dragons and castles on snowy mountaintops and even those stories would start to lose meaning the more he kept talking... The words would start colliding and you couldn't understand what he was talking about. I used to have nightmares about these situations and I now believe that's where my fear of getting dementia originates from. After his death I dreamt about some of the other patients, they would visit me in my room at times and they would tell me how my grandfather's torment hasn't stopped... they would tell me he was burning in the pits of hell and that this was my fate as well...they would always grind their teeth as they would enter my room in my dreams..at least I hope it was in my dreams..

<Flashback End>

The grinding sounds were still right behind me. A weird figure in front of me, something on my back, black goo dripping from the ceiling and now a myriad of doors banging on their own right in front of me. I close my eyes trying to think. Instinctively, I form my hands to fists and I punch the thing behind me falling right through it. It was now walking slowly towards me. Its skin seemed burned and its face . . Oh god it was horrific . . It was just skin apart from a mouth with rotten teeth continuously grinding. It was getting too close. Time to use my powers I thought to myself, I punched it once again making it disappear. "Take the hint asshole" I said and I looked at my fists . . Dark vines all around them, so that's how I can defend myself. I begun walking, the doors all stopped moving at once and the figure in the end of the corridor was now gone . . Finally, some silence.

I kept traversing through the asylum slowly going to higher floors. Weird thing would happen but not too unexpected for this place . . Shadows, screams, the occasional teeth grinding from far far away and doors opening and closing by themselves.

"Sir" I heard a child's voice coming from behind me. I turn around and there he was, a small boy wearing old, almost torn, clothes. "Sir can you help me?" he continued hesitantly. "Hello little dude, what do you need?" I replied, slowly approaching him. "M-My ball . . It's in a room and i'm afraid to go get it." he said looking at the ground. "Hm how about we make a deal, I'll go get you ball and you can tell me if you've seen a girl with white hair and some people wearing black bed sheets, what do you say?" I asked with a reassuring smile. "Deal!" he answered and giggled. "Amazing, so where is that room?" I continued. "Well, it's that one." he replied as he pointed at the end of the hallway. I walked up to the door and a sign was above it saying "ARCHIVES", the door was locked, how do you lose a ball in a locked room I thought to myself. I pushed it and the lock broke immediately revealing the room. You couldn't see much, the only light was coming from the one window of the room, really made me appreciate how surprisingly well lit was the rest of the asylum. I saw the ball at the corner of the room and I went there to pick it up but as my eyes were adjusting to the lighting my blood ran cold. My name . . . my name was written on every wall and ceiling of the room. I picked up the ball and I almost flew out of this room . . Too creepy for my tastes. I started walking and my 'employer' was nowhere in sight. "Hey kid!" I yelled and suddenly he replied behind me, "Yes?" he said. "Okay, I found your ball, tell me about the girl and the people with the bed sheets and it's all yours" I said. "I thought I saw the girl coming here a few nights ago and going to the amphitheater at the top floor but i'm not sure. But, I've seen the bed sheet people hanging out on the top floor the past couple of days." he replied with a smile, never taking his eyes of the ball. "You have been so helpful so here's your ball" I said while handing him the ball, "how did it get in there though?" I continued. "I have no idea" he replied and he grabbed it off of my hand. "Alrighty then, nice meeting you" I said while nodding. "Thanks for the help" he replied. I turned around and I started walking towards the stairs. "Oh yeah, I forgot, do you want me to help you get out of this place?" I said, turning around to face him and he was already gone.

"What the fuck" I said out loud and I started looking for him. A few minutes passed and still no sign, I returned to the archives to take a look and the ball was once again there. I went to pick it up and I noticed that there was another corridor in the archives room. I followed it and at its end I saw the skeleton of a small child with the same clothes my little pal wore. "Oh God" I said silently as the realization hit me. The door closed suddenly and the faceless thing from earlier started emerging from the wall behind the skeleton. I ran but the door was somehow locked again and this time it wouldn't break open. "It's rude to ran away from a lady" the thing said while grinding its teeth. "Fucker if you're a lady i'm turning gay" I sassed while trying to find a way out. I saw a vent and I started climbing on top of some shelves to reach it. I broke open the vent and suddenly while I was climbing inside I couldn't keep moving. "You're not getting away" the thing screeched and grabbed my leg with its slimy arm. I struggled to break free but I couldn't and in the meantime, it kept climbing. Its head emerged and at that moment summoned the vines around my fists and I punched it throwing it on the other side of the room. "I'm not disappearing this time hehe" it said laughing while spilling something white from its mouth . . its blood I assumed. "Do what you want, I'm getting the hell out" I replied while I was dragging myself through the vents.

I heard some weird sounds in the vents and they became more prominent as time passed. "Oh oh" I said and the vents broke down making me hit the floor fave first. I've been through worse I thought to myself and I started running up the stairs to the top floor.

"Time to power up" I said and I summoned my armor along with my sword on my back and my gun on it holster. Harbingers started appearing as I was following the signs to the amphitheater though they would go down way easier than I remembered. The closer I got the more they were and by the time I reached the doors of the room the place was practically crawling with them. I cleared out the place and it was time to see if I had finally found her. I tried to open the doors and as always they wouldn't barge so a kick it is . . . The doors fall down to the floor and I see her, in a chair in the middle of the room just standing there, her eyes turned blank and dozens of harbingers flying around and screaming. I started shooting. That must have done something because she suddenly came to her senses. "You came to get me" she said. "Of course I did" I replied. "Come untie me fast!" she ordered while struggling to get free. "Stay there for a bit, I've got it. Plus if I untie you, you'll have to fight." I continued. "Don't threaten me with a good time" she said smiling. I approached her as I kept shooting and I slashed the chains with my sword, finally the harbingers were almost all gone and I now had some support. The thing came in through the door. "We're not done yet pretty boy" it said and it started approaching. "Damn, she fugly" said Circe. "She?!?!?!" I asked. "How did you know it's a 'she' I continued. "Follow me and I'll tell you as we're escaping" she said and she started running to the roof door. "Well, that's a vengeful spirit and an ugly one at that, basically if their skin seems like it's melting it's a female." she continued as she was kicking the roof door. "Such a smart lady" the thing said, now closing distance fast. The roof door broke down and we were outside . . . The thing was right behind us so we run to the edges. It slowly kept approaching. "You haven't seen what I can do yet" it said and smiled with that horrid rotten teeth. Circe ripped a piece of her shirt and she placed it inside my armor. "We jump on 3" she said. "I'm sorry what, this place is 6 floors tall and-" I continued but she interrupted me, "THREE!" she yelled and she dragged me down with her.

She muttered something while we were falling down and somehow we were safe. "WE COULD HAVE DIED YOU PSYCHO" I screamed at her. "But unfortunately you didn't" said a familiar voice. Smoke came from the roof and danced around the figure that was standing at the entrance of the asylum eventually materializing into the spirit. The figure stepped forward and he was Damien. "Why are you still on our trail" Circe asked with a disappointed tone. "A job is a job love and I have to finish it" he replied with a grim smile. "Let us go and let's put this behind us" Circe continued. "Hell no" I said. "He fucked with us again but this time i'm so much more powerful" I continued. "Aiden stop" said Circe. "Aiden keep going" said Damien. "You indeed have become more powerful" he continued. "And how would you know that?" I asked holding my gun tightly. "Well I've been watching you of course. Not me exactly but my friend Proxy here . . I believe you've met" he said. "Of course that's your friend" I replied. "Aiden, please let's go" said Circe but I couldn't let him go unpunished, let's not forget I now have a really powerful weapon ready to test on him. I drew my sword but his expression was indifferent. I started running my hand across it revealing its new form

. . he smiled and raised his eyebrow. "AIDEN STOP NOW" Circe screamed as the sword was taking form once again. I decided to shoot some energy straight to him but something felt...off. The beam left the sword as Circe was screaming "NO". It all happened so fast. The beam hit him but it did no damage, instead it came straight back to my sword. Circe just started running away. Damien raised his hand and I couldn't move a muscle. "You see I have some tricks of my own" he said. He started approaching. I couldn't do anything. "You see, you have indeed become more powerful but I still played you like a pawn" he said while he drew a pitch black knife. I could only watch. "Once I'm done with you my next target is her." he whispered in my ear and anxiety filled my body, I hoped he was talking about Circe . . I didn't want to think of the alternative. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pockets. He took a the lighter and lit a cigarette. "It feels nice having you as my plaything" he said as he touched the lit cigarette on my face. "What wasted potential" he uttered and he slowly forced the knife into my throat.

I could taste my blood. Everything was turning dark. Hope started slipping through my fingers.