#hope ya dont see this fella

[anewp0tat0]

it doesn't feel real to me fellas. but I don't have time to sit by and chat and unload unfortunately so I'll just drop this and be on my way, cya kind folks very soon ✌️

not professional but I liked how his eye looked goddang it. I knew I was screwing myself but I did it anyway

[speakofthedebbie]

by popular demand (re: one person) some radioapple fic recs!! (i hope thats what you meant lol most of the fics i read are just radioapple)

Bedtime Rituals to Try out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis

just yes. thousand times yes. so basically my boy luci has some sleep troubles and that somehow leads to a qpr with al look its been a while ok just read it

Managerial Liberties by the same fella

these two tags explain it pretty well

something that sticks out to me about this is that charlie is actually (reasonably) cold to adam and like. im actually surprised with how little ive seen that. i mean i dont think id be exactly buddy-buddy with my besties killer either. only 3 chaps as of writing but already looking to be a radioapple classic

im not sure if its meant to be read as such but it kinda feels like a squeal to bedtime rituals in a way (edit: not meant to be read as such, just the same vibe)

devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss

also just yes. basically a really not cool joke evolves into a blossoming romance because why wouldnt it. (man if i had a nickel for every radioapple fic that had a masquerade that was sabotaged by the vees- *gets shot bc i cant mention osas yet*)

i’ll hold you close (i’ll stay the course) by the same fella

the entire time i was just going "yas king! put that egotistical flatscreen in his place!!". basically luci reminds the overlords who he is and vox shows he can be more of a threat than he lets on.

ykw fuck it just the entire series (i didnt mention i would give anything to not give a shit (but i do) and my perfect rock bottom (my beautiful trauma) because the first one sounded a lil too angsty and ive gotten enough of that from other sources [pointedly glares at Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love {also coming up later!}] and the second is (mostly) smut and ive been trying to step back from that because "ive seen worse" isnt a valid excuse for that torture actually)

Of Saints and Sinners by the forever amazing @morningstarwrites!! (if you see this i have a serious question: is this your first time ever writing a fic? because how do you get so much right the first time- [not even beginners luck could explain this level of skill])

i could sing its praises until my death bed but ill hold off so i can explain whats happening. basically after burning down a meeting room several times, luci and al make a deal ("not a deal!", luci laments to the void): they will attempt to be civil and maybe even friendly, and by the end luci will owe al a favour. whats the favour? read it yourself dammit! seriously, 10/10, i am foaming at the mouth till friday (depending on how this goes, that might be tomorrow or today)

Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love by Starlit_Rainfall (no tumblr in sight, so AO3) (i. urgfgh. what happened. i was just smiling over the fluff while crossing to go to school. where did it go. where did it gooooo)

if thats anything to go by, the last few chapters have been rough. the fluff feels so far away that i cant even explain what happens. luci was waxing poetic about swimming in maple syrup for al, i remember that much. also emily is there (fallen) tho we havent seen her in a sec. if you read it, warning for the gut punch of angst that starts chap 32 "She/Her" (though the chapter before that, "Should Alastor Know By Now?" ends pretty rough too)

Freely We Serve by @romanaxe

i dont remember how i managed to stumble upon this but im having a great time. basically alastor is a new sinner fresh in hell (but time doesnt matter and the whole cast is still here) and thinks "what better way to gain power than be the personal assistant of the heartbroken king of hell!" features a 6(?) year old charlie and a morally dubious lilith (also i loved eepy al X3)

A Family Forged in Hellfire by Green_Ghostwriter (once again, no Tumblr, so AO3)

this ones a bit newer (10 chaps), is so far mostly exposition and the slowburn pot hasnt even been put on the stove, but as just a hazbin fic in general i see the potential. basically its a 1920s au where heaven decides little charlie doesnt deserve to be raised in hell and is sent to earth with a "foster" family where her actions in life will determine witch realm she will return to after death. her "parents", al and minzy, are given false memories so they can claim the girl as their own and gee i wasnt kidding when i said it was a lot of exposition. erm honestly explaining anymore would tech be spoiling so go read it!

The Red Thread That Binds Us by @scun-gilli

{{future me prefacing this by saying i have no idea where i was going with yesterdays thought process, all you need to know from it was im on chapter 27. also scungilli your comment is making me very worried 😟 well theres no mcd tag so im sure itll fine, right? RIGHT, SCUNGILLI??}}

basically its a king x kings guard au where al and luci grow up together and only grow closer after a. certain life event for al (its fine guys trust :)) [she said, like a liar]) then al is sent of for royal guard training school (ik its not called that i forgor 😭) but dw he comes back. just watch out for graphic depictions of injuries (i think thats this fic) angst and a sneaky eve bc radioapple fics are allergic to happiness (or maybe im not looking hard enough lol) (also im really tempted to make the friendship bracelets they had 👀)

somewhere down the line by kj_crwm (AO3 link)

this one starts off as human!alastor/lucifer but by the middle(?) its just regular radioapple. basically al is encountered by luci while finishing off a job who agrees to keep quiet. luci just keeps on showing up, reveals hes the devil to which al us just like "lol ok" and eventually they get in a relationship (ooh lala 👀) but they break up after saying some hurtful things to each other (oh nono 👀) with luci promising al they will never cross paths again. if you watched the show then well. you know that doesnt happen 😂 most human!al radioapple have al summon him (no hate to them) so this was an interesting change of pace

cannot stress it enough but this is a WORKING list i WILL be coming back to it bc these are purely the fics i could think if off the top of my head. IN FACT, if any of you have radioapple fics you love, SEND THEM THE FUCK IN! i am one person whos only been in this fandom for 4 months, and reading fics/shipping radioapple even less, theres bound to be some ones i missed that you think are Worthy™️! and if theyre nsfw then at the very least it shouldnt be the main focus

EDIT: so sorry anyone who reblogged this before had to see the disgusting unedited version. literally just found out that tumblr doesnt apply edits to reblogs. what the fuck

[doppel-doodles]

It's doodling time fellas

I wanted to give myself a bit of a challenge so I decided to draw the ocs of a few people here on tumblr, with the added challenge of doing it fast-

Minimal erasing and redoing, basically whatever is slapped on the page first sticks whether I like it or not. And there is a little time limit on how much I can spent on each character so that I don't get distracted as easily.

Just a little exercise so that hopefully it'll get easier for me to throw down a sketch using few lines and not taking literal hours-w-" I know everyone has their own pace but I would like to be a faster artist.

Anyway my yapping aside and without further delay: The girlies💚💗💜❤

Now to who these lovely gals belong to:

Haiyang: @riptide-pools

Nawa: @auburnitzy

Suki: @peachy-puddin-cup

An he: @lumidotexe

For anyone interested I'll include some thoughts on each of these below the cut:>

Haiyang

The first one I did and I think it shows>~> I was basically more focused on just figuring out how I wanted to do this so I spent less time and energy on how I wanted the character to look in my style. In the end I settled on doing the basic shapes in pencil and then switching to colored fine liners for details.

With the colors also matches the way I draw digitally just a tiny bit more! Buuuut if I end up doing this again I definitely wanna redraw her, I wanna do this gorgeous character justice after all!/'w'/

Suki

Suuuuukiiii! I did draw her before so I decided to do this version, which I believe to be just her shadow form! While drawing I didn't actually give myself time to look it up cause ya know, no distractions which is why there is a question mark-

But my stupidity aside- here is where I started drawing a lot faster, I was in the zone if you will, so I spent what time I had left adding some variation to the line art. I do like this one and honestly she would probably be so much fun to render digitally so I'll see if I can if there is time:>

Nawa

NOW THIS IS WHERE THE FUN REALLY BEGAN-

Nawa just was such a blast honestly, probably because I was getting really comfortable at this point and let myself play around more with how I stylise the characters! I love me some funky eyes, its probably the most recognisable part of my style.

Also granted I don't know much on Nawa yet(fake fan I'm sorry-/j) I only recently followed the creator so I need to find time to just really browse through their blog and consume all the knowledge there is, but once I do I'll be unstoppable!>:D

An He

Last but certainly not least we finish with An He, who was a just a chill and nice lil drawing perfect to round out this doodle session-w- now I have actually read ERHS(shameless plug, read it it's so good- just need to find my attention span as I haven't caught up with it SOBS) so I have more knowledge on her.

For that reason I attempted to do a slimmer face shape, i wanted her built overall to read as visibly more thin and petite. Along side that I went for rings in her eyes as an allusion to sound waves as I didnt just wanna drop in a music note and call it a day.

however maybe I'll experiment more another time because I just dont think it reads that well:'<

That concludes my silly ramblings! Thanks for sticking around and if any of the creators of these lovely ladies see this- YOU HAVE AMAZING CHARACTERS AND I HOPE I DID THEM JUSTICE!- ahem.

If I do this again I'll definitely go for some male ocs as well for the sake of variety, it was a happy accident that I only drew girls here.

[miintsprigz]

I decided to liveblog my thoughts on the new amazing digital circus episode!

Another long post incoming…

But uh SPOILERS!!!

•Oh this is a nightmare…just based on the weird movements…

•That’s such a terrifying nightmare legitimately. I know the “I don’t wanna play with you anymore” jokes will abound but…imagine if she DOES actually abstract at some point. And this was foreshadowing. Also, the fact that she’s so terrified of being forgotten… Oh honey… we could never forget you!

•I don’t ship them (PLEASE DONT KILL ME) but Ragatha and Pomni are so sweet. But goshdangit Ragatha your fEELINGS MATTER STOP FAWNING.

•THE GIANT BUBBLE BLEEP AHAHA

•”Zooby” PFFT.

•LARPING. SO POMNI’S CANONICALLY ONE OF US HUH, GIANT DWEEB (affectionately)

•Idk why but I really like that gummy elephant. It’s so cute!

•”They’ve even got little candy bugs here!” D’AWW.

•So…Caine’s God, huh.

•”I’m not a child you don’t have to hype me up.” Fair point. Still get icked out by r34 tho.

•”I call shotgun!” Ok I admit he’s fun at times.

•PLEASE LET GANGLE HAVE ONE NICE THING I BEG OF YOU

•The graphics did get a serious upgrade. I love it.

•Huh, so the AI have personalities even when they aren’t being watched, if the gummy bandits are AI.

•Ok never mind Jax is a pain again.

•YEAH YOU CUSS HIM OUT POMNI!

•Aw well at least Kinger is trying to help.

•”Now I have no bridge!” EAT IT RABBIT

•Gosh this really is so silly I like it.

•Jax makes me hate him more almost every time he opens his mouth.

•DID HE JUST SHOVE RAGATHA IN THE FACE?! AND BLACKMAIL POOR GANGLE?!

•Sorry I’ll stop talking about Jax, I just really don’t like him (love him as a character, pisses me off as a person).

•OH GOSH NOT THE GLITCHING VEHICLE

•Oh no that poor gummy dude! I love his Aussie accent too (I think he’s an Aussie)

•OH SHOOT HE GLITCHED THROUGH THOSE ARE MODELS!

•Yeah that must be unnerving. Poor guy.

•There’s our girl!

•”Under the map” makes me think she designed it. “What are you on about?” Makes me think he IS an AI. But he’s becoming self aware. “Where’s mum…” oh no this poor guy…

•Aw Pomni is being nice to him.

•Well I love this fella already. …but I already know…things…hhhhhhhhhh.

•Hah, Willy Wonks reference.

•OH SHOOT ITS A RAGGEDY ANN MOVIE REFERENCE. Fudge is silly, I kinda love him. But also YIKES HE ATE PEOPLE.

•”Is it really murder if it’s delicious?” FFFFFFF

•I STILL HATE JAX BY THE WAY, please don’t kill me for that. Really only cares about himself, I so badly want to see him get his just desserts. I’m sorry if you love him, I love to hate him, I promise it’s nothing personal

•Poor gummy havin a crisis. I wanna hug him.

•See Pomni is actually nice. Imo anyway. She wants to help she’s just nervous. Attagirl, Pomni. You’re trying your best.

•I’m seeing the I Have No Mouth references. And AW she’s inviting him to come with!!! Good lass.

•POMNI DEVELOPMENT!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! BEST GIRL!!!

•Gummigoo, good lad good lad

•Her knowledge on the programming. Her KNOWLEDGE. EEEEE.

•AWWW THEIR LITTLE SMILES

•This is an oddly pretty landscape here, with the teapots.

•Kinger with a bucket on his head HAHAHA

•”I don’t think she really likes me that much.” Honey if only you saw what ONE EPISODE spawned in regards to art of you two.

•KINGER IS THE TEAM DAD. I REPEAT, KINGER IS THE TEAM DAD! “I remember when you were new here too…” And just like that, he lost it.

•OWCH FUDGE GOT BONKED.

•PFFT ya know as a mildly emetophobic person, I normally hate vomit jokes, but these are kind of funny.

•”Good to see you lads.” AWWW.

•Aw the duplicate worked out.

•”I’m so unbelievably disappointed right now” GOOD, COPE SEETHE MALD

•Pomni is genuinely a sweetie. We can see it now. I love that.

•Also the Princess is lovely, I adore her, hope we see her again.

•Oh shoot. Big boom. OH NO FUDGE.

•NO!!!! GUMMIGOOOOOO!!!! I knew it was coming but STILL.

•It’s so sad that she got all this development and now it seems like she’s back at stage one

•Could gummi have been human after all? Is that why Caine looked horrified???

•BRING HIM BACK PLEASE!!!!

•Awww Zooble’s little comfort.

•Oh shoot, funeral for Kaufmo…that’s so sad… aw… that’s good though. It’s how they keep their humanity.

•LEMME HUG THEM PLEASE!!! AW RAGATHA HONEY ITS OK

•AWWW GANGLE’S DRAWING!! THEY WERE BUDDIES… AAAA

•Even Zooble seems sad. Zooble’s nice deep down too I think, they’re just apathetic. And who can really blame them? When you’re stuck in a digital reality, completely disconnected from your own humanity, sometimes that’s how you cope.

•Notice the only one NOT MOURNING is FRIGGIN JAX. What a dingus.

•I really love seeing a resolution to Pomni’s nightmare, where she realizes that people would miss her, and that they would mourn her if she was gone. I think that’s an important thing for her to realize. I guess she isn’t back at stage one after all.

•I WANT A PLUSHIIIIIIE

•But yeah, this episode was absolutely amazing, it made me feel so many emotions, and I can’t wait to obsess over the TV tropes page with all of its new details!

[obsessive-ego]

Jealous of himself

A fic where beej gets jealous of a clone

This was an anon ask, but then I turned that post into a fic

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Reader uses gender neutral language, but has a vagina

Nsft

"You understand I am a fully grown adult right? That I have been taking care of myself perfectly fine for years right?"

...

Beetlejuice had announced to you he had to spend a few days in the netherworld for bio exorcist meeting or something, you really didnt get it, it's not like he actually had a job, all you knew is that he's been complaining about it since he mentioned his departure.

The days leading up to his trip beetlejuice was clingy, mopey, and to be honest more horny believe it or not, every night he'd pout saying how he wished to have some extra comfort before his torture, not that you minded, though it was exhausting.

The day finally came for him to head out for his little business trip, you could see the ghoul was less then thrilled to go, slight purple streaks graced his hair, you knew he wasnt to keen on being in the netherworld, the demon had such an adoration for the world of the living, going back to the netherworld, even for a few days was like heading back to work after a long period off, soul sucking and depressing.

"Alright Sugar" he starts adjusting his tie "I'll be gone for a few days, try not to miss me too much~"

You give the ghoul a soft smile "itll be quieter for sure"  you try to joke

"Yeah..." he trails off, his playful teasing voice dropping along with his grin.

"I know this is gonna suck, but the sooner you get it started the sooner it's over with" you try to cheer him up giving the demon a light punch in the arm.

Beetlejuice's hue was now completely purple, you frown at the sight.

"You know doll, I'm being awfully selfish here, but, how bout ya give me a little sugar before I go?~"

You sigh at the suggestion, the two of you spent this morning tangled in each others bodies, he really couldn't get enough

"You're stalling"

"Come on babes, one more kiss, humor me, I gotta fill out paper work and deal with my mother, could REALLY use another pick me up~" he nudges you gently and gives a wink, hoping it'll soften you up, it does.

"Fine" you huff out, you grab the demon by the suspenders, yanking him to you level giving him a soft peck on the lips.

"No tongue?~" he snickers, as pink patches pop up in his mossy beard.

"have a good trip" you try and speed beetlejuice along, you know him, he will push and push and before you know it you're bent over the arm of couch with his cock buried in you, then he'll be in trouble for being late or something, and god knows you domt want anymore netherworld visitors.

"Oh doll I will, thinking about your soft lips~" the demon's voice drops to that low growl that never failed to make you warm in your lower areas "I'll also be thinking of your mouth" he laughs

"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Bee-"

You could NEVER make it to 3, the ghoul was always quick to slap a hand to your mouth, pulling you into a side hug.

"Trying to kick me out so soon sugar? So mean, and here I was about to give you a parting gift" you quirk you eyebrow at the ghoul in confusion

The demon let's you go, and with a snap of his fingers your tiny apartment fills with smoke, it was amazing how he never really set off the fire alams, when the smoke dispersed, there stood two of your undead pal.

"This handsome fella is gonna be keeping you company while I'm gone" beetlejuice proclaims as he fusses with the doppel, adjusting his jacket and fixing his hair.

"I-" you start

"I dont want my sweet little y/n to be lonely" he coos "so this delightful doppel will be taking care of ya" you could see the mischievous glint in his eye, let alone hearing it in his voice.

"Beetlejuice I'm a fully grown adult, you dont need to-"

"Alright bud, you're gonna be taking good care of y/n while I'm gone, that means keeping them company, making them laugh, scaring them on occasion, and of course-" beetlejuice ramble on to the clone as he adjusts the other's tie, clearly ignoring you.

Like most things the born dead demon did to you, you chalked it up as something you gotta live with, In all honesty this was a sweet gesture.

"Beej, I appreciate the idea-"

"I knew you would sugar" he was quick to cut in

The dopple quickly made his way to you linking arms with you and resting his head on your shoulder.

"Aww you two kids have a good time~ and I'm gonna want all the details when I get back" the original beetlejuice snickers as he draws his exit.

Knock

Knock

Knock

Your living room wall opens up to the netherworld, it was always a rare sight to you, a little anxiety inducing, as if the clone sensed your sudden discomfort, their hold on you tightens as if to reassure you.

"Be back in a few days sweet thing, take good care of them bud" beetlejuice blows you a kiss before disappearing into the netherworld.

Within seconds your living room was back to the way it was, you let out a sigh you didnt know you were holding.

"What should we do now sugar?"

The sight of the netherworld was enough to make you forget about your current situation, you glance over to the copy who was still holding your arm, standing up straight and no longer resting his head on your shoulder.

"I-uh" you stutter out, nothing against the clone, but to be honest Beetlejuice's clones always made you a tad nervous, they were impossible to read, and were more unpredictable then the original if you'd believe it.

"Boss said you have the weekend off right? We can spend the entire time together!" The double shouts pulling you into a tight embrace

...

Having the double around was kinda close to the real thing, but more unsettling, unintentionally, the copy would follow you regardless of where youd go in your home, like the original, but if felt more unnerving, you couldnt quite place why tho, was it because he was oddly quiet? Or maybe because his focus was 100% on you, just the idea of being watched so intently made you sick.

Even though this beetlejuice was just a copy, and you werent exactly sure how he worked, you still treated him like the orginal, you cooked dinner for the two of you, which the clone was eager to help, just like the original, soft for domestic tasks, although you gave him a simple job of stiring the pot while you did more complicated tasks, the clone did his job with gusto.

Although you were pretty sure the clone didnt need to eat, he sure scarfed down his meal and praised you up and down, saying how Beej always loves your cooking and how happy he was to finally try it.

No matter what you did this clone was glued to your side, you had to physically push him out of the bathroom when you were going to take a shower, yes you and the original had been intimate and you guess you could call what you two were doing dating, but you didnt feel right letting a double get that level of same treatment.

"I could help you wash your back babes, boss does it all the time with ya" he pleads his case

"Sorry, maybe next time" turning him down in the most polite way

After a shower you gesture the clone to join you on the couch to watch a movie before bed, something you and beetlejuice did nightly.

The double didnt take much time to nuzzle into you, your skin being extra warm and soft from the shower.

Then it was off to bed, having this beetlejuice look alike being under foot all day, kinda made your body ache for the real deal, you know beej left this clone behind to keep you company, but truth be told, it made you miss him more

"Beej?" You call out behind you, within second the clone was by your side holding your arm

"Yes honey bunches of oats♡" he coos nuzzling into your neck, assuming you called him to your bedroom for 'fun'

"Would you like to sleep in my bed with me tonight? Beetlejuice normally does, and I really miss him, and I know you're not him but I could really use some comfort and-" the clone presses a finger to your lips to hush you up

You pull away, slightly embarrassed, but swallow it down.

You dig around your dresser for a moment before pulling out a baggy shirt and loose fitting pajama pants, you hand the clone the clothes "you can wear these tonight, i think it would be more comfortable than the suit" you chuckle, you werent too sure if this clone could make clothes for himself like beetlejuice, but you couldnt ask him so sleep in his suit, though he probably wouldnt care.

The clone looked ecstatic when you handed him your clothes, the ghoul immediately buries his face in the garments and takes a deep huff before moaning, you give a nervous chuckle.

The clone immediately begins stripping down in front of you, out of politeness you turn away

"Come on babes, it ain't something you havent seen before♡" he cackles

"I know, do they fit?" You couldnt help but peak,

Finished changing, his clothes in a pile next to his feet "like a glove♡"

The clone gestures to the bed "after you"

You slide under the covers and make yourself comfortable, the moment you were settled the clone climbs up on you bed and crawls to the foot, curling up like a dog

"Night babes♡"

...

"Beej?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to sleep under the covers with me? Or?"

Without a verbal response the clone was quick to scramble from his spot to next to you under the covers, humming in contentment with how warm it was nuzzling next to you.

The next day was a copy of the first, getting chores done and the beetlejuice clone being under foot and trying to help

The two of you decided to spend the evening curled up on the couch, the clone was eager to cuddle up to you while you were watching some quiz show, at first he only leaned against you, resting his head on your shoulder, as the program went on the clone slowly pushed you into a more suggestive position, laying on your back, the double on top of you, his arms wrapped around your waist, and his head in the crook of your neck, ever so often giving it a lick, which you stifled a laugh and told him to knock it off. One of your hands was tangled in his now pink hair, ever so often giving his scalp a scratch, like the original, the double adored it, while your other hand rested on his back.

The TV droned on with its dull programs, which you were only half paying attention, now that the clone had started peppering your neck with kisses, you were more focused on trying to remain calm, though your crotch was aching for attention.

"Honey I'm home♡" the original Beetlejuice cackles as your living room fills with green smoke, as much as you wanted to sit up and greet him the clone had you pined

"Welcome home beej ah-" you stiffle a moan as the clone begin sucking your neck, sure to leave a bruise

Beetlejuice floats closer to the two of you, tips of red gracing his hair "well don't you two look cozy" he says through gritted teeth

Here he was getting home from a boring trip to see the two you having fun without him, was he jealous? Yes, did it matter that it was his double? No, what else did you two get up too in his absence? He said have fun, but he didnt think youd take it that far.

"Alright" the ghoul claps his hands together and the clone pushes off your neck, his waist still pressing against yours "I've think you've had enough fun for today, so say goodbye to y/n" Beetlejuice sneers trying to hide his frustration as he pulls the clone off of you, the clone blows you a kiss then vanishes.

"How was your trip?"

As soon as those words left your mouth Beetlejuice was onto of you, replacing the clone in position, eagerly pressing into you, the ghoul grabs your legs and guides them to wrap around his waist, you could feel the bump in his pants press hard against your crotch

"Bee" you whine

"Ya all warmed up for me doll? Cuz daddy needs some sugar after his shitty trip♡" he growls, leaning into you, and giving your neck a light bite

"Ah♡" you gasp

The ghoul pushes off you, still pressing his groin into yours, he stares at you for a moment then snaps his fingers, in a flash your clothes were gone

"Beetlejuice!" You shout, shocked at the sudden change, this wasnt the first time he did that to you, it just made you nervous, like where do your clothes go when he does that? you're snapped away from these thoughts when you feel his fingers coded in lube probe your already wet entrance

Beetlejuice, still fully dressed had now dropped his fly and pulled his semi erect cock out, as one hand prepared you to be fucked the other jerked him up.

Positioning his cock at your ready vagina he asks a simple "ready?"

You nodded

slowly, the tip began to sink into you, the ghoul groaned through his teeth, his eyes clamped shut "there we go" he moaned,

As his cock slowly eased into you, you felt the base of his hips bump against yours. Your breath left you in a rush as he settled over you. Holy fuck, you felt so full, it's only been a few days since the two of you were intimate but yet it felt like a week in this moment.

The ghoul gave you only a second to adjust before he pulled back. Their cock slipped out again, but before you could could complain about teasing, he rubbed the throbbing length against your entrance, lined back up, and pushed in much harder than when he started. Your mind went black at the sudden movement all that left your mouth was a whiny moan.

The ghoul kept an iron grip on your hips,thrusting his hips rhythmically, fast and hard

"Fuck- beetlejuice- ha" you cry, normally after a trip for the netherworld he liked to take it slow and take a much time as he wanted

"Did you two have fun while I was away?" He snarls "did he fuck you good?"

"Wh-what?" You gasp "no-no, we- I'd" you tried

Beetlejuice wasnt giving you much of a chance to defend yourself, his cock hitting that sweet spot inside of you you could feel your mind going blank

Was he mad at you? Was he upset over the attention a copy was getting in his place?

"Come on doll, speak up" he barks

"Not without you- I wouldnt- without you" you babble,You loved beetlejuice and by extension the clones too, but having sex with them? Without the original present wasnt something you felt comfortable with

With your awsner Beetlejuice's hips slowed to a halt, his cock still buried inside of you, his hands still gripping your hips

"What?"

"I- I dont want to, um, have sex with your clones unless you were there too, it wont feel comfortable without you..." you trailed off worried youd say something wrong

A moment of silence passes before the demon's hips bump back into your starting up a much slower pace, you let out a soft moan at the situation

"You don't feel comfy without me?" He purrs "the only way youd be down for an orgy is if I'm holding your hand? You're so sweet y/n I had no idea you felt that way" he coos teasing you, though he wouldnt show it, your words made his chest squeeze, you wanted him, not just an opportunity.

"Would y/n like to have the fellas use them as a fuck toy while I watch?" He snorts delighted at the idea "would that be okay?"

You whine and cover your face with your hands

"I need an answer or you dont get to cum tonight♡" the ghoul gives your nipple a playful pinch

"Yes-hah- if you're there, then itll be okay" you whimper

Beetlejuice's thrusting comes to a halt and you whine out of frustration

"Really?"

You nod

"No fooling?"

You nod again, literally dying of embarrassment

"You're so fucking wet, you must love that idea♡"  in all honesty he didnt think youd agree, but knowing this? You're rump is going to be sore

"Lawrence" you moan wiggling your hips as if asking him to continue

Beetlejuice snorted a laugh, he loved it when you were eager, slowly he begins rocking his hips into yours, with every thrust he picks up the pace.

The ghoul kept an iron grip on your hips,thrusting his hips rhythmically,

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, you like that? Feels good doesnt it?" Beej babbled with every thrust

With a moan "I cant wait to see the fellas absolutely wreck you♡"

you reached and pulled your demon down into a hot, deep kiss, mostly to shut him up about that for now, his words cut off with a muffled noise against your lips.

Pulling away from the ghoul, a small string of saliva connecting the two of you, beej's sappy grin changed into a smug toothy smile as he changed the position of his hips and finally hit your sweet spot again, you threw your head back, gasping aloud, Your toes curled, your back arched, as the demon mercilessly hit your most sensitive part. fingers gripping Beetlejuice's jacket

"I love you Lawrence" you babble as you clung to the ghoul

"I love you too y/n, FUCK-" his hands move from your hips to your back, pulling you close as his hips kept the rhythm of his thrusting going. Each thrust of his hips had your back arching, your heart fluttering, 

"Oh God" you cry

Beetlejuice tilted your hips, the tip of his cock brushing against a bundle of nerves that had you seeing stars

"Oh fuck, Lawrence please, I'm so close" you cry, shivering, desperate for your release.

The ghoul pulls you into another kiss before dipping a hand between the two of you, his finger gently rubbing against your clit and his cock thrusted in and out of you was just the extra stimulation you needed.

"Lawrence!" You whine as you cling to the ghoul, legs light twitching, shivering at the waves of pleasure washed over you, beetlejuice continues to thrust to help you ride out your orgasm, but also to achieve his own.

You give your lover a hand by moving your hands from his shoulders to his chest, pinching and tugging at his nipples through his shirt all the while praising him and saying how much you love him, your soft words and touches were all it took to push him over the edge

Beej's hips jerked and stuttered, as a very demon like groan escapes him, his eyes rolling back into his skull as he clumsily thrusted inside of you losing momentum, you could feel him finishing up inside, something you still havent gotten used too.

As beetlejuice gives a few last clumsy thrusts, before slowly pulling out, you whine at the sudden loss of fullness, and you could swear you felt the mess he left behind spilling out on the couch

Beetlejuice leans in and lightly pecks your lips

"Was it good for you too?" He purrs as if he didnt know the awnser.

"Yes" you breath out, you take a second to catch your breath before continuing "so, are you okay? You know what the whole clone thing?"

"That? That was minutes ago and Come on babes, they're still me, but more importantly, I'm already planning our little orgy you agreed to♡"

10minutes ago he was upset a clone was kissing your neck and now hes excited to see you get wrecked by them all? It's amazing what alittle reassurance can do for him.

Bonus

The next morning you leave your room and head to make a cup of coffee, passing the living room you see beetlejuice talking to his clones,

Some were sitting on the couch, while the rest were on the floor, it looked like a make shift class room, it was cute until you herd what they were talking about

"Alright fellas, suggestions for safe words, y/n agreed to a fuck fest, but they're soft and delicate, and need air to live, so-"

You might need to book a recovery day after what they have planned for you...

[leo-interactive-fiction]

Oooh this one's been on my mind a lot recently. Which of the ROs were initially attracted to the main character physical and which were initially attracted by her personality. Like I have some assumptions and a few seem obvious but with how well the ROs are written you never know

Haha let's see

E: they dont know what happened, they just started having thoughts one day that strayed from the normal path of friendship you've been traveling down.i suppose it was your presence in their life that they liked most.

R: They stuck on your behavior, or more specifically the portions of it that found it worthwhile to seek them out. It may seem a bit weird without the context but just trust that they are very keen on how you think about them haha

L: you seem to both put them at ease and cause their mind to run frantic at the same time. Perhaps that contradiction is what makes it hard for them to leave your side

V: The way you are surrounded by allies. That air of dependency that gives them a faint hope of security, as though staying with you will somehow make everything turn out alright and ease the burdens of their war-torn past.

P: They can appreciate stubbornness to a certain extent, but they recognize you're certainly some kind of major dumbass for thinking anything romantic would work with them

Ra: they first fell in love with your actions.

S: you seemed like a good fella, so they decided then and there that they always repay a favor

F: They're happy to admire a pet that can do tricks, along with a willingness to learn new ones. You seemed the most suitable candidate. Was it your looks? or maybe the way you acted within their judgement? I suppose we'll never know

Thank ya for the ask haha

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Ranch Hands Mistake

Gif credit @bodybebangin

Requested @mypridefulsoul27. I hope you like it. Thanks for the request.

Taglist: @ackles-nhl. @cbouvier23.

"Where are you going with that lemonade, sugar"? John Dutton asked his youngest daughter.

"They seem thirsty, daddy. Just wanted to help". You smirked, putting the tray down so your father could get a glass.

"Thank you". John chuckled and went back to his files.

Swaying your hips and putting a pop in your step as you walked to the fence.

"Thirsty fellas"? A wide smile on your face as the ranch hands came over chatting and arguing about something.

"Thanks, Miss Y/N". Lloyd tipped his hat taking a glass.

"Not a problem. I'm happy to help out. Especially when it's a hot day like today". You fan yourself, you were wearing a white tank top and shorts, which was appropriate for the weather but not in front of wondering eyes.

"You look really good today, Y/N". Ryan whispered as he leaned against the fence.

"Thank you". You giggled when Ryan was talking to you and Lloyd stood behind him.

"Boy, get your shit and get to work. Now damn it". Lloyd ordered.

"See ya". Ryan winked and sipped his lemonade. Lloyd shook his head and followed.

"Bye boys". You waved and skipped back to the house. You kinda enjoyed teasing the ranch hands. But the real one you loved teasing was Ryan. You both may have developed feelings for each other over the summer. But know one knew and no one could.

"Did you do your chores"? Your father asked as you got back on the porch.

You stayed quiet. "Now, darlin. Get your chores done". John snickered. You were his youngest so he went easy on you with things.

"Okay daddy". You groaned and put the tray down and ran off to tend to your horse.

"Hey baby boy, how's mommas baby today"? You cooed over your black and white horse. He was big and strong. He loved you like you loved him. He was more of a family member then a animal.

"I wish you would talk to me like that". Ryan teased, coming closer.

"You want me to be your mommy? I think I'm to young for that". You giggled when Ryan wrapped his arms around your waist and snuggled his bearded chin into your neck.

"I can be your daddy"? Ryan kissed along your jaw line.

"I have one of those. Dont need another. But what I do need is a quick fuck. You up for it"? You turned in his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck. Ryan growled and attacked your neck with kisses. Letting out a squeal, Ryan picked you up and backed you up against the stall door.

"Seems like someone is". You moan, running your hand down to Ryan's jeans and cupped his growing cock over his jeans.

Ryan let out a hardy laugh. "I'm always up for a taste of you". Ryan kissed and sucked down your chest. There will definitely be hickeys there later.

"Mmmm baby". Your hands went to his hair, tugging at it.

"You like that, babycakes"? Ryan mumbled against your skin.

"Her daddy wouldn't like it, sugar dumpling". Lloyd's sarcastic voice boomed as he stood there at the stall door.

"Fuck me". Ryan turned his head. You covered your mouth with your hand as you giggled.

"You're dead, boy. You are a dead man standing. Now get out". Lloyd ordered. Ryan kissed your forehead and put you down. He lowered his head and walked away.

"You're not going to tell daddy are you"? You asked biting your lip.

"No but I dont have three older brothers that saw Ryan leave and heard me yelling". Lloyd chuckled and walked away. You gasped and ran after Ryan.

You were half way to the ranch hands bunk house when you saw your brothers in a circle, Rip along with them.

"Ryan"! You yelled out cause you knew they were beating the shit out of him.

Panting as you pushed Kayce out of the way. You looked down and saw Ryan polishing their boots.

"What the hell? What are you doing"? You looked at all of them and then to Ryan.

"Apparently this is my punishment for liking their sister. Which is okay, I guess". Ryan hand his toothbrush rubbing Lee's boot.

"We have a maid's outfit as well when he does dad's boots. That's going to be hilarious". Kayce piper in with a laugh.

"Y'all are morons. I thought you were killing him".

"No, why kill someone that works hard and does it for shit pay"? Rip snickered. 

"I hate all of you right now. Ryan, come on". You held out your hand for him to take but he was hesitant.

"They have guns. I think I'll stick it out for now". He went back to shoe shining.

"Fine". You groaned going to the main house. John was sitting on the porch in his rocking chair.

"You okay"?

"Yeah, they just have Ryan shining their boots".

"I know. He should be strung up and hang for messing around with you but they like him and the weird thing about it is he makes you happy".

"You knew"?

John laughed shaking his head up and down. "Nothing gets passed me on my ranch. Plus, I've seen Ryan sneaking in and out of the house. Rip has seen it as well. Like I said nothing gets passed me".

"Y'all just love to play with me, don't you"?

"You're the youngest. You get shit. But I would've been okay if you asked".

"Can I date him"?

"Sure".

"Thank you, daddy". You kissed his forehead and sat down beside him a smile on your lips.

[krabmeat]

"bro what the hell are you sayin..?"

"a-aye! Calm the freak down man, it was just a compliment-!"

"hey, you see them over there? yeah, theyre really somethin, arent they."

"i...y-you dont mean that..right? Tell me your lyin, please..."

WHATS GOOD, FELLAS!!! I REALLY LIKED HOW MY LAST PIXEL ART THING TURNED OUT SO I DECIDED TO MAKE MORE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS FOR DATING SIM RPG ME! HOPE YA LIKE IT <33

[legionofpotatoes]

alright here’s ma thoughts on that flick I mentioned

we hatewatched a*my of the dead because we were CONVINCED “zombies in las vegas” would be an impossible concept to screw up, but in so assuming we obviously invoked a holy wager with the universe and got reminded, once again, that hoping for improvement from someone who’s dependably put out bad art is never a wise choice 😐

but we were honestly kinda roped in by the marketing??? and expected a goofy fast-paced flick with the odd traditional undead metaphor thrown in, framing some sort of relationship drama maybe or hell even nothing at all! we’d have taken pure indulgent storytelling, idk italian job with zombies in las vegas, I don’t know fucking anything but??? whatever this was???? spoilers below for it is time for One Of My Rants

I mean the main reason I really want to write all this and complain. this film here probably has the most unappealing cinematography I have ever experienced in my life and that is saying something. who the fuck signed off on that CONSTANT shallow-ass depth of field that imprisons your eyeline and turns every shot into bokeh paste???? and I mean every shot almost!!!! I promise if you think I am overreacting just throw a dart at the seek bar and watch twenty seconds from wherever it lands. it is horrifying to look at. at least it gave my girlfriend a good visual shorthand for what it’s like when I lose my glasses

why was sean spicer in this movie. did they pay him to be here. was sean spicer paid hollywood money for his scene in this film because fuck everyone who was involved in that decision

the legitimately baffling hints at the extraterrestrial origins of the infection that went absolutely nowhere and had no dramatic or plot-level bearing. we love to see the franchise sprouts fellas

yet another big budget waste of everything hiroyuki sanada has to offer. and bautista too I guess? I like him but man was this an odd career move

what was the crux of his conflict/resolution with his daughter btw. I understand it was rooted in miscommunication over their forms of grief irt mom but uhh… it was all rather clunky and didn’t land for me. I tried I really tried to buy in but something was wrong fundamentally with the groundwork there, it did not click and their catharsis felt unearned. I know there’s massive amounts of tragic baggage being projected there from the author so I’m not slapping any judgment down really;

but again it would be an easy thing to wave off if they just had a vibrant cast of lovable simpletons with good chemistry and the kinetic sense of plotting the trailers promised (and this premise never discounts good drama, either). but instead it was just two and a half (!) hours of meandering into situations the filmmaking instincts had no idea how to flow in and out of

to wit. I know talking about “bad pacing” is associated with armchair bullshit but consider the example of the scene were dieter does an out of nowhere little dance after childishly screaming but then still-killing a zombie, with the film framing this as a micro character triumph, and not a second later the bg soundtrack instantly fades into an orchestral score dramatizing a nearby mcguffin reveal, completely 180 degreeing the tone without a semblance of deft insert shot stitching or even I dont know a fucking jump cut maybe. now imagine this whiplash for 2.5 hrs uninterrupted

I will keep complaining about the length yeah because this was not a story requiring this much real estate to be told. Uhh in my humble and personal opinion, of course

[man sees zombie tiger] “this is crossing the line!” you can in fact write dialogue that is not utter nonsense that falls apart once you drill down its single fickle layer of referential meta winking. what line are you talking about. you have rules in this insane situation you’re in? total nitpick moment I know but it got burned in my brain for some reason. like a microcosm of the mismanaged dramatic instincts paired with weird writing that dots this movie. I am sure the director calls this either satire or genre deconstruction. I am SO sure

tumblr domino meme that goes from “dude getting sucked off while driving” to “entire las vegas literally nuked”

tig notaro is always great to see but once you know she’s been filmed as a separate greenscreen plate months after photography wrapped - cause she had to apparently replace some abusive asshole but that’s a whole other pig not worth fucking - it becomes impossible to unsee her odd detachment from everyone else in the movie lmao. it doesn’t really “ruin” anything on its lonesome but it is hard to unsee

why. was. sean. spicer. in. this. movie

a very simple key ingredient missing from fully turning lip service sympathy for main uruk hai dude into actual empathy that would generate meaningful conflict with hero family would be to spend a bit more time articulating what he internally wanted the most. because he was obviously trying to do something here with pointed agenda. a family, to have kids, build a caste system, save his wife’s head, return to his planet??? all of these could represent the bigger context in his psychology that spurred his vengeance but none of them are dramatically emphasized long enough for you to cheer him on. I’m not asking too much I promise. Articulating interiority of a mute character is pretty doable with deft cinema language, just gotta linger and hold a shot here and there for a few seconds, frame as his POV, donezo. I know this is also one of those like. “who cares” moments but the movie does, very evidently so, in making this guy an actual character. you can kinda piece it together and create a framework of sympathy for him, sure, but then again he ultimately becomes a foil to be killed and not defeated, so. Ehh whatever

quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was n

the rooftop helicopter fakout at the end was such an ass-backwards, manufactured moment of what could be a simple setup/payoff it just pissed me off??? you gain nothing by giving sad dad five seconds of pointless crisis that flips right back to previous status quo ANYWAY, except for a weaksauce waste of runtime, which could be used instead to get inside notaro’s head and actually SHOW the remorse form as she took off, literally maybe even a frown playing on her face as she’s headed for safety right before we cut back to drax and the kid. just a simple-ass, minimal, momentary setup for what is the most basic filmmaking trick of creating macro catharsis moments. Just???? g o d if you can’t even land that shit why are you even doing any of this

that lil run final pam did was very very charming and super choreographed in a way that was the tiiiniest bit overdone

the whole intro with the simul-backstories and posing with family photos was just… oddly motivated. what was the goal? “here’s what we’re fighting for” vignettes? why? it’s not a functional setup in that vein. what was all that

also I am sorry if this is insensitive but the reasons most characters end up articulating to justify going back into the hell that destroyed their lives makes them sound seriously insane

I dont like complaining about CGI (honestly) but so much of it in modern movies can achieve higher fidelity if the animation is simply subdued. Do not overengineer and over-apply 2D cell methodologies and kinematics to each tiny twitch and movement in a hyper 3D model and I promise you. it will look a thousand times more natural. look at thanos in those last two movies. your rendering and detail are absolutely perfect with the tiger you just have to let stuff sit instead of constantly simulating swaying hair strands and firing off all facial muscles at once. great moment at one point where makeup zombie horse and CG zombie tiger are both in one shot together and just by unnecessary amounts of movement alone you can tell who doesn’t belong. again; detail, rendering, compositing, lighting, all picture-perfect; but y’all just gotta let the animation breathe sometimes, and chill it out

plot holes don’t really matter to me but it was kinda funny how lilly decided not to mention the enormous wrinkle in intel pertaining to an actual territorial tribe of intelligent zombies that require human offerings to let you pass, just so that reveal could play out in real time through the joyous punishment of the cartoonishly misogynistic dude

total chad move for mister uruk hai and final pam to rule from a rusted swimming pool complex

the ending with vanderohe oh my god. with the. cash stacks at the airport register. and specifically them working in his favor. that is literally something you do to get arrested under suspicion of theft. it was almost played for laughs and I respect that. coulda been goofier. make these movies goofy ya dorks

anyway, weird, weird movie. bad marketing. message unclear (something something sins of the father???), baffling editing instincts, literal worst-looking cinematography I ever laid eyes upon. Confidently dying on that last hill

[pilotheather]

EDIT: MY READMORE DIDTN WORK

- NO NOW HANG ON HANG ON.... OPENING THUS FAR IM ACTUALLY LOVING IT. I KNOW ITS TOO SOON BUT IM FEELING SOME PERSONALITY FROM THEM FOR ONCE AND I LOVE THE CHEESINESS THAT ISNT TOO... BECH AS IT WAS

- and the evil yorkshire guy

- AGAIN THIS IS ONE I-

- OH THATS ONE FUCKED UP LOOKING FELLA I -

- Hiiiyaa whos these cuties

- anyways my point: theres just sth off sometimes with the way chibs writes dialogue. like the doctor just asking things loudly whilst ic it just feels so fucking weird sometimes .

- also i did sneak a look into twitter livetweets. someone literally saI-

- OH MY GOD THIS BITCH SPIKE OH WAIT THAT KINDA LOOKED SICK FINE

- BITCH LOOKING LIKE A RIGHT CREATURE

- ANYWAYS people on twitter: "why is it so cheesy" girl you are watching doctor who?

- again witht he dialogue: you see that. theres something out there. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS SOUND SO STILTED SOMEHOW? IS IT LIETERALLY JUST ME?

- anyways also that "trick or treat" thing ok thats a bit too cheesy that one i'll concede bless but THATS IT

- dan he is literally holding eggs

- also regarding some dwcourse: people are whining about d

- I'M THROWONG UP DAN ..... KN-

- IKARAVNISTA

- HIIIII KARVANISTA HAIIIII HI HI HIHIHIHIH HI HELLO KARVANISTA HIIII HIIII HI I LOVE YOU KARVANISTA I LOVEEE UOI HIIII HI HI KISS KISS SHII AWWW WHOS A GOOD LITTLE PUPPY WHOS A GOOD LITTLE BOY GOOCHY GOOCHY GOO LITTLE PUPPY WAWWW DO YOU WANT A TREA-

- dan im insane

- YOU PUT HIM IN A CUBE?

- YOU YA MAM'D THE DOG, DAN?

- ANYWAY regarding the dwcourse about bishop: ive said my shit about me not wanting a new guy, even if i do LIKE dan thus far, BUT. i will say ppl are so silly for complaining about when they hire celeb actors and say the shows gone to shit. girl..... billie piper the popstar? catherine tate the comedian? even kylie minogue was like. such a good one off casting .

- GIRL HIS HOUSE?

- now why cant i smash some shit up with a hammer, say something kinda foreboding, whilst wearing a funky sweate

- a dog shot me how can a dog shoot me

- dan really is having an unlucky fucking day isnt he.

- karvanista my good little boy n'aww wwhos a good little pup dont be mean to dan

- karvanista: im going to kill you im g dan: bet

- "oh my god! doctor!" "who tf." OKAY COOL. HIII CLAIREEEEEE

- more women wacking things with hammer. thats exactly what doctor who needed in my opinion.

- GIRLIGHT GASLIGHT GIRLBOSS

- like are yaz and doc good though for real girlies cant we all just kiss about it hm

- oh so theres just an angel here now. hi . also unhappy about the decision to put you here but nonetheless- oh christ is she about t BYE CLAIRE.

- outpost rose?

- VINDER VINDER VINDDER HIII HIIIII HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIIHHI (TWIRLS HAIR) I JUST THINK HES CUTE.... TEE . HEE.

- OH NOW THERES NO FELLA I LOVE MORE THAN A KING STUCK OUT ON SOME OUTPOST, WITH A LOG, REPORTING PRETTY MUCH NOTHING FOR DAYS AND DAYS IN ISOLATION

- "whats wrong with sheffield"

- "lifes a gamble" i do like her now

- NOW THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT BTW: YAZ HAS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY WITH DAN IN THAT 2 MINUTES THAN SHE EVER GOT WITH GRAHAM OR RYAN. because YOU ACTUALLY LET THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER!!!

- i knew karvanista wasnt a bad guy. hes just a little grumpy puppy. n'aww.... sniff sniff. hes just trying to help u guys. why dont u want a little trip with the grumpy little puppy.

- is the tardis literally good

- IM THROWING UP WHY IS HIM SAYING "i cant live in that :/" WHEN BEING HANDED HIS TINY STUPID HOUSE OK... ITS FUNNY FINE ITS TICKLING ME FINE

- why- OHUGHGHGHGH LUMPS MY LUMPY LITTLEB MEN

- OHHHFHFHH

- YOU LOOK LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT "you look disgusting"

- the sontarans actually being used properly we do hope i would like to see it :3

-again christ why do they have to do the doctor is in the centre of all of this like why cant there just be a problem and she drops in and helps for goodness shakes

- FOR GOODNESS SHAKES I DIDNT MEAN TO SAY THAT BU-

- W.... WAS THAT A PLANET IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM

- YOU LITERALLY stood up

- girl what is happening

- GIRRLLL WGAT

[poptod]

hey there! hope i’m not bothering u. maybe a snafu x reader after the war where he tries to impress them at a bar with war stories but y/n was an air force pilot and it turns into a debate of who was more badass during the war? sweet at the end maybe? i’m addicted to ur writing lmao. thanks again for always answering my requests!

notes: not a problem at all :) unfortunately the power has been out at my house for a day or two so this is a tad late, but youve got fun ideas so i dont mind writing them at all. hope you like this one too

It had to be past midnight – somehow despite that fact, you were still wide awake. Maybe it was the fact that you hadn't taken your sleeping pills, or the pounding loud shouts of the bar's drunken patrons, but you did not lag behind your friend. She'd dragged you there, saying something about getting free drinks since she was banging the bartender. Before either of you knew it, she was off flirting with another man (which the bartender did not like), and you were ordering your third drink. Not the most you'd drunk in one night, not even close, but it was enough to give you a pleasant buzz, allowing you to relax against the bar counter and look out across the crowd.

Within the next several hours most of the crowd had filed out, making way for a new wave of soldiers, ones that had just arrived home and were celebrating their life still belonging to themselves. You were once part of that menagerie; the only difference was you had become a marine before the war ever started, and while you were there for the beginnings of the war, your contract with the marine corps ended soon after. It left you feeling apart from both citizens and soldiers – someone who didn't know the horrors of war, but who was traumatized enough that society didn't care to love them anymore.

Unlike many returning soldiers, you did not turn to alcohol to fix your issues. For the most part you distracted yourself with work, working and working till there was nothing in your head but work – there was little else in your life besides work now, the one exception being your friend, Penny. She made sure you ate, made sure you got outside and had human contact. For that you will always be grateful.

Your attention wavers from her only when one of the returning soldiers stands right beside you at the bar, ordering a bottle of beer before noticing you, his posture suddenly changing as he does so. His back straightens out a little, his hips a little more forward, elbows on the bar behind him so as to show off toned forearms and a skinny waist. He stares for a little while – you pay him no mind. When he gets his drink, that's when he actually speaks to you.

"What's a doll like you doin' here?" He says, and you almost roll your eyes. What a typical start.

"Keepin' a friend company," you answer him quietly, taking a swig of your own drink. It's not entirely a lie, although you feel you're keeping less and less of her company the more she drifts off to the side, caught up in the stare of a rather handsome man with a fair amount of scruff.

"Really? You come here often? I'm - jus' curious. I've never been here before," he says, clarifying that he isn't that stupid so as to use that specific line, a clarification you appreciate.

"This is my first time. My friend though, she comes here often, says she likes the atmosphere," you tell him, nodding in the direction of Penny, who is currently in a corner with the stranger. "You're a soldier, right?"

"Yessir," he says with a proud nod, "just returnin', actually."

You nod absently, looking out across the general crowd before you at last meet his eye. In the neon red lights you can barely see him, the shape of his face against the black mass of people, the color of his eyes against long eyelashes that flutter when he scans you up and down. All you can tell about him is his voice – rough and deep, drawling his words and humming his thoughts.

"You meet many marines?" He asks, and you can already tell he's gearing up to tell you some horrid stories of the war. Unfortunately, you don't know him well enough yet to know if he's going to tell you the truth, and a small part of you hopes he doesn't tell the truth. The truth is gorey and dangerous and heartbreaking, and you're not ready to live out such memories and tales again. Not yet.

"I've met a few," you say vaguely, watching the way a grin cracks across his face as he chuckles smooth and low.

"All I gotta say is you're lucky I ain't no army kid, those assholes are weak as all hell," he says, something you fully agree with, and something that has a sweet giggle coming involuntarily out of you. He smiles even bigger when he watches the way you laugh.

"My father was a marine," you say, coming down from your high. "He said the same thing."

"He's right, y' know... me n' my troop, we was out on that godforsaken island in the Pacific, hot as hell every day – humid, too. We saw hell n' back, shootin' at Japs n' gettin' shot at, sitting in all those damn trenches, up to ya knees in mud, and there go the fuckin' army soldiers, prancing around like goddamn deer. Funniest shit I ever seen, though to be fair, I don't think any a' us had much to eat that day," he recalls fondly, but you can tell he's suppressing the worse memories. You don't ask on that – it'd be rude, and it's not a subject you want to talk about. Nonetheless, he continues. "An you know, you're sittin' in mud all day n' night, you're gonna get pretty dirty, right?"

You nod attentively. If there's one thing you're still good at after your time in the marine corps, it's listening well.

"So we're all covered in mud, and they come by in a neat row, with their freshly washed hair and white as all hell skin – I made a bet with this one fella, Burgie, a' said they'd get so sunburnt after a week on that island, they'd be cryin'. I was right, of course," he says, motioning with his hands as he told the story. At the end he rubs his nose and turns back to you, watching for your reaction, and loving the way you still manage to enjoy his story.

"So you're tellin' war stories now?" You ask, leaning in closer and smirking imperceptibly when his breath catches in his throat. "What's your best story, then?"

He doesn't skip a beat, another one of those sweetly impure smiles coming across him as he starts.

"Hell, there's a lot to choose from. I do remember though," his hand comes up to his shirt collar, unconsciously toying with it, "this one Jap snuck into our camp, still don't know how, but he was one a' those damn kamikaze soldiers, the radical ones. He shouted somethin', don't remember what, but everyone went for their guns – I did too, an' we all pointed at his chest, cause it's easier to aim that way, y'know? But the bombs were tied to his chest, so a' aimed at the head. Shot him dead center between his eyes," he tells you with an air of pride and a hint of disgust. You don't blame him.

"That's a good story," you say with a small smile.

Anticipation creeps up on you as you wait till he's done prattling off little details, just waiting till you can watch the light die in his eyes as you tell him your own war story.

"I think my best marine story would have to be when I was flyin' over this active war field, there's fighter pilots everywhere in the sky, and sometimes it's hard to tell which jet belongs to which side in the moment. Everythin' goes by fast, but I saw this Jap flagged plane drop a bomb the size of a whole person. Immediate reaction was to shoot at the bomb, and I got pretty lucky – it blew up midair, and I was far enough it didn't hurt me," you say, unable to stop a grin from coming to you when the man slowly realizes that he's talking to another marine.

"Oh, you're a marine too, ain't you?" He says, but it's not a question – no, it sounds more like a challenge, and one you're completely willing to participate in. "Where you stationed?"

"I was in Hawaii at first," you say quietly, and he immediately gets the implication. Although you both now know what you saw, and the topic is in your heads, neither of you explore that further. "Later got stationed at some place in the Pacific. Like you. Though, I was on the ocean, not an island."

"What's your kill count?" He asks, and he leans forward just a little bit, drawing closer to you.

"Does it really matter?" You ask in return.

"'Course it does. You gonna be out here tellin' me you didn't count?"

"I didn't," you say truthfully. "A bit hard to see how many y' kill from a thousand feet in the air."

"Y'ever do parachute drops?"

"Once," you say. "Did you?"

"Nah, parachute drops ain't nothin' compared to the shit I did," he says, dismissing the notion as if it wasn't important. Now he's trying to impress you – again.

"Really?" You ask, almost sarcastic, but you manage to hold that part back. "What is it that you did then that was so much more terrifying and dangerous than freefalling through the atmosphere?"

"Try carryin' mortars on ya back in searing heat, n' all the while you n' ya company's out takin' a little hike 'cross a whole island filled with Japs," he says cockily, angling his chin upwards in a motion that accentuates his already sharp-as-hell jawline.

"Wow, a whole island," you say sarcastically, but he sees the humor behind it.

"Hey, Japan's an island too an' they big enough that they got the whole nation in uproar," he points out.

"Whatever makes you feel better," you say, taking a sip of your drink.

"What's your rank anyway?" He asks as he puts his drink on the counter, crossing his arms.

"I'm a major," you say, and once again the light dies in his eyes. You almost want to spare him the embarrassment of telling you his own rank, but you are curious, and it's just too fun to let him off. "What's your rank?"

"... corporal," he answers quietly, and you have to hold back a laugh. You try really hard, you really do, just so hard not to laugh, but you end up snorting anyway, and you can't even begin to work on your smile.

"Alright, corporal," you say, still trying not to laugh. Placing your own drink down on one of the bar coasters you turn to him, curling his loose tie around one of your hands and pulling him forward, practically devouring his nervous delight. "Y' really wanna play this game?"

"I'm the one who started it, ain't I?" He says, and you admire his tenacity to talk back to a superior officer.

"What's your full name and title, Corporal?"

"Corporal Merriel Shelton," he answers softly, his eyes suddenly stuck on the words that form on your blushing lips. "Ma' friends jus' call me Snafu, though."

"Mmm," you hum, looking him up and down much like he'd done to you earlier, "the hell you do to earn that kind a' name?"

"Oh, I'm just reckless, baby," he says with a smirk, gaining the confidence needed to lean into your touch more. You can feel his hips almost pressed against yours, the feeling doing nothing but making you pull his tie even more, a smile beginning to tug at the edges of your lips.

"Mind showin' me?"

"Not at all," he says in the impossibly low voice of his, and with that you're his, if only for the evening.

[bluem0use]

It's about time I introduced you to the cast of The Crackin'-Up Studios. Don't worry. You'll be seeing them again, especially in the mini-comics!

**In order from top to bottom, left to right**

Billie Bob Willie-Nillie Black Sheep: The overall face of The Crackin'-Up Studios itself. She is the ring leader to the whole circus. The pilot to all the flight attendance. The manager to a corporate office. You get the whole idea. She's one poppin' fire-cracker (A.K.A. has a short temper) that's all for the business, but doesn't mind getting silly from time to time. On screen, she is the definition of unpredictable and crazy, fun and silly. She's a gun happy country gal that started off small and came out big with her talents for making people laugh. She worked hard to get her way to the top. And all of it has obviously paid off. If someone was to use words to describe her, it would be fun, loving, friendly, brave, courageous, generous, the list could go on and on. This gun-loving  little lady, no matter where she goes, always somehow seems to change people's lives. And for the better.

Poochie Pooh Poodle: Billie's partner-in-crime. Her bestest friend since her younger years. Her ride or die buddy. Poochie is the main co-star to the series, and a serious eye-candy to men. While Billie is featured as the funny, wacky, unpredictable, quirky character on-screen of the trio, Poochie is often featured as the sex-appeal. The sex symbol. The hot mama. She also models as a little side job whenever necessary. She's the sweetest sweetie-pie you will ever meet in your life. However, proceed with caution. When provoked, she's one sassy gal and won't hesitate to give you a mouthful (and probably a gun wound) if you mess with her, or her friends.

Wolfie Blackfang Wolf: What's the three musketeers without a male in the picture? Wolfie may not have known these two women as long as they've known each other, but their his closest family he's ever had since he left the orphanage. He is also the main co-star to the series, accompanied by being the musical genius of the three. Since a young boy, Wolfie has practiced music as not only his hobby, but his life. His alluring ability was able to trap the young black sheep and poodle in a trance on a fateful night in a club where he worked to try and make a living, thus landing him a job and a ticket to materialization through the ladies. From there, he has always acted as the stud of the three, protecting them whenever they needed an extra hand and also charming women with his attractive voice along the way.

Candy Bat: This "monster", this "usually nocturnal creature of the night", this "mysterious shadow" is nothing but a sweet treat in the eyes of many who travel far and wide to Nightwalk Bay to get a taste of his sweet treats at the local candy shop. At least, that's what Billie, Poochie, and Wolfie will tell ya. Famous for his line of business, Candy Bat is a harmless, humble candy man..err..bat that seeks nothing but to fill the mouths of the fortunate with a sweet after-taste. His delicious pastries, frozen desserts, and fizzy drinks aren't the only thing that appeals to the eyes of many. He's also a support character at The Crackin'-Up Studios during the day and a friendly (but hissy, due to his uncontrollable excited hisses whenever he meets someone new and/or is excited) candy shop-keeper at night.

Scratches: Whoa, watch out for that web! There's a BIG spider up there! And his name is none other than Scratches, yet another support cast character for The Crackin'-Up Studios. When in the presence of my six-armed friend, be cautious. Scratches loves the ladies and will go through extreme lengths to entangle you in his web, if he deems you a worthy enough mate. Don't worry fellas, he doesn't swing that way. Though..spider's gotta eat, right? What? Spiders only eat insects? Not this playful, flirtatious one. Note that this spider is dead, and has been ressurrected after a deal made by Ozzan (scroll down to reference Ozzan's bio). Therefore, Scratches likes human flesh too. Dont worry too much though. He's too busy chasing both Poochie and Billie around the studios, trying to declare his love for them. Though...something about a huge demon spider just..turns those two ladies off.

Honey Hyena: As the name implies, this hyena is sweet as honey! Raised on a bee farm, this little lady never expected to end up being a supporting cast character to The Crackin'-Up Studios. That was, until a little Black Sheep mozied on over and decided to offer her the position and the materialization process just like everyone else. She figured the nice lady would need the money boost besides "Milkin' bees all day long" - Billie. Honey loves bees. In fact, on her days off from woking at the studios, that's all she does! Is work, work, work at her long-descended family bee farm, making honey and selling it for some dough (money) as a side job. She is also the motherly figure to all the cartoon ladies on set and often tries to share her knowledge with them in hopes she can help guide them on the right path. I mean, not everyone is perfect, right?

Bon Isabell Bunny: Daughter of a long deceased magician (who was, ironically a white bunny), she has seeked to find more support by becoming a supporting cast character to the TV series. However, though, she wasn't looking to be a supporting character when offered the job by Billie Bob. Bon has a bit of a...strong hatred for Billie Bob. Bon saw how much love and respect the black sheep got, even from her "enemies". So, what does this tempered (its just as bad as Billie's, trust me), quick-to-anger, grumpy gal do? Well, it's like they say, "Kill the sheep, take her wool!". That is...if she could catch her first. Forever caught in this game of cat-and-mouse on screen and off screen, Bon decided to settle into this position for now. Hopefully one day, her magic tricks and traps can pay off and actually earn her a spot in the lead position.

Bon Iseah Bunny: Twin brother to the other Bon Bunny, this bunny seems the complete opposite of his sister. This magic bunny doesn't mind being a supporting cast character, and instead enjoys making others smile with her magic tricks and qurkiness. After all, its what his deceased magician father would have wanted. He admires Billie and everything that she does not only for everyone else, but herself. He just hopes with time, his sister can see that. For now, this calm bunny will just have to play as yin to his sister's yang (A.K.A., trying his best to calm her in her most stressed and ferocious moments).

Molly Cow: Before her rise to fame as another member of The Crackin'-Up Studios crew, Molly Cow, the half-pig half-cow offspring, could not keep a job to save her life! She was lazy, less focused, often slacking or ducking off, and/or giving up before she even set foot in the door! The funny thing is, she wouldn't care, and just go back to living with her parents. Seeing as though Molly's confident and care-free attitude was a necessity to bring on some laughs, all Billie had to do was offer a hand to the voluptuous, intriguing young woman and for some odd reason, this cartoon has managed to keep the job ever since. Side note, if you ask her what her "other" job would be whenever she brings it up, it would be shopping. She is ALL about the fashion!

Malachi (formerly known as "Michael Jamesking"): Yes, Malachi is actually an angel. AND, he is also a featuring asset to the team whenever needed. With the help of one of Veronica's potions (scroll down to reference Veronica's bio), he has the ability to shrink down to size on command. He also is a good line of defense if life-threatening danger ever be-falls the company, for even if he is a judgement angel, he is considered very powerful against a mortal (unless demon weapons are used against him). He is pure, friendly, and kind, however, you must not associate yourself with the presence of evil upon first meetings. He IS a jugement angel after all and will be quick to judge you and shame you for your choice of sin and avoid you like the plague while also be-littleing you. Ironically, the only exception to this treatment is Ozzan (his best friend in all universes) and Bendy (in the head-canon canon universe). Also note, Malachi was never always Malachi. Malachi was once Michael, a regular, normal, working business man who unfortunately got hit by a car on his morning rush to work.

Ozzan: Oh boy. This one's a bad one. If you thought Scratches (scroll up to reference Scratche's bio) was bad, wait until you get a load of this one! This foul-mouthed, ill-mannered, obnoxious, flirtatious pervert is somehow a necessity to The Crackin'-Up Studios. His crude sense of humor and anctics tend to get a good laugh out of adults more than oblivious children. He will flirt with anything, sleep with anything, hell even risk catching some sort of SEXUAL DISEASE for anything that has legs. This man lives, breathes, and embraces everything that is bad at every cost, every time. Its possibly why he was so close to Lucifer (the Devil) back when he was in Hell. Though, take caution. If you piss him off (which isn't really hard to do), he WILL tear you to bits and peices with his bare fists. Also, beware of tentacles and trendils ladies. He has them everywhere and can use them not only in battle, but also for...other things. So beware and..make sure your doors are locked.

Veronica Bat: Born "Daddy's Little Monster", Veronica is the daughter of Candy Bat and Valentine Naxxremis (formerly Bat)(She will be referenced in the next ref). For most of her life, she has lived with her mother and embraced her witch-hood, which usually ends up with the little gloom and doom bookworm getting bullied for being a "half-breed". However, her luck gets turned around when she meets Billie Bob (like a lot of these people's do) who helps instill in her to be happy to be herself and to screw what everyone else says..and to also get back at them at all costs. She looks up to Billie and Poochie as her "Aunties", though, has trouble getting along with her father. She was raised to believe she had left her and her mother and never really loved them. Which, is obviously not true, but, she has a hard time believing that. Once welcomed to the cast, Veronica is a huge hit with the goth little teen girls who aspire to be like her: beautiful and mysterious. Let's just hope she gets he powers under control first, for she struggles with that a great deal on screen for comical effect and off screen.

Patricia Greene Pig: (A/N: She probably has had the MOST change out of all of them, so beware) Patricia is Delloris's (scroll down for Delloris's bio) bestest friend since childhood. Snobby, rude, sassy, class. All of these combined makes her perfect for scenes where she's the girl that thinks she's too good for the male trying to win her heart. Likes are, their only trying to "woo" it for her money. Oh, did I mention she's very wealthy? Her and Delloris aren't friends for nothing. You have to have some sort of status when it comes to getting in goods with the mayor's one and only daughter. Also note that Patricia is an EXTREME germo-phobe and will pelt you down with germ-x if you've so much as TOUCHED an un-sanitized door knob.

Hank Kat: Hank Kat has been an aspired musician since he was a little boy. He has really known the struggles of what it's like to be broke from both of his poor parents. So, as a way to raise some money, he went out on the streets and played his father's old rusty trumphet for some pocket change. Crowds were so awed at his talent, before long, Hank was hitting the clubs to try and win over some cash to take care of his parents once he became of age. Similar to Wolfie, Poochie had just so happened to stumble upon him. Though they didn't exactly see eye-to-eye due to species war, they were able to put their differences aside the night they had spent together, dancing the night away. As they danced, Poochie would listen to this party-goer's story and become sympathetic for the poor fellow. Thus, she figured his wallet could be fed a little more and thus offered for him to be a support character on the team. With his toe-tappin', feed stompin', hand wavin; jams that he can play on trombone, trumphet, pretty much just about any instrument he could blow into, he would become not only a major asset to the supporting cast, but also the music, both at his day job at the studios and his night job in the clubs.

Puncho: This "unstoppable brick wall" can take a punch and also pack it. After all, they don't call him "Puncho" for nothing! Though he's not much of fan favorite unless it comes to his famous boxing episodes, Puncho is a well-served supporting cast in the crew. He's often seen alongside his partner, Scraps Skunk (scroll down for Scrap's bio), no matter what the situation. He has a temper just like Billie, girl Bon, and Ozzan, however, instead of unleashing it by yelling at coworkers and throwing large objects (Billie), chasing someone down the hall with a chainsaw (Girl Bon), or spewing a bunch of curse words that's enough to make a sailor blush (Ozzan), he lets out his steam in the ring. He is the undefeated champion (if you don't count his and Billie's first brawl in one of her posters) within the boxing ring and anyone who dare wants to challenge him in taking his belt, well. Better be prepared for the pain. Bring a lot of ice.

Scraps Skunk: A timid, shy soul who is pure and good at working the ring as a referee. He plays fair though, he always will support his bestest friend, Puncho no matter what. His often scared, frightened, shaky attitude is welcomed on screen whenever needed. He was often bullied through his childhood and unlike those who have toughed up from it, he only seemed to soften. Hell, even Billie has chewed him out for his overly push-over nature. Though, she gives up. For nothing can change this poor man's soft heart and kind ways.

Wallis Moose: What else to say about this guy besides him obviously being a horrible detective? After his first appearance as one in one of Billie's episodes, Wallis fell in love with the idea of being one and even off screen, tries to solve "mysteries" wherever he is needed. However, he always slips up short and makes himself to be a fool. How did he even earn a spot on the team? Well, to put it simple, Wallis is a stone cold, hard drunk. He drinks and drinks and drinks, and when he's hiccuping and stumbling all over the place, Billie couldn't help but find it amusing the first time they met. After all, the first night they met, they both danced drunkinly through the streets of Nightwalk Bay, where they somehow met. As kooky as it sounds, it actually happened. Believe me.

Chico Georgina Chick: This once poor broken flapper was able to leave her broken past of having to prostitute herself on the streets and go some nights starving behind. Coincidentally, Chico was given another opportunity at a better life by Hank Kat (scroll up for Hank's bio), who happened to run into her at one of the clubs and show her a much better life than what she was living by offering her a position at the studios and materialization through the machine. Now a re-born, classy lady, this former flapper...heh...well, let's be honest. Girl loves to party and dance like there's none tomorrow, is ready to bring all the club's joy and bump to the table on screen. Hank is often seen by her side, playing away on his trumphet while she dances on top of a table. Nothing too promiscuous or provocitive. Want to keep the adult's attention but not as much. She's known as the party girl out of the group and also knows a thing or two about fashion. Also, keep her as FAR away from Molly (scroll up for Molly's bio) as possible..they fight a lot.

Delloris Acorn: Delloris is the beloved daughter of the mayor of Toon City, within the alternate world where cartoons "live". Her mother died giving childbirth and though she never knew her mother. She was always expected to act lady-like and proper, is why she carries herself that way. Though, the day Billie met Delloris and her father and was allowed to spend the day with her, Billie turned her upside down and all around. To the point Delloris came home, dress cut into a tank-top, short short overalls, knee-high socks, messy hair, and busted shoes. Billie's excuse was they were pig wrestling (no pun intended Patricia). Her father was awfully upset and almost demanded Billie to be arrested, however, Billie's sly deal to offer Delloris a spot at the studios was the only thing that saved her from some jail time. Now, while away from her rich and perfect life as the mayor's "little princess", she's allowed to get down and dirty. Especially on screen where down and dirty are necessary for some laughs.

Mad Mouse (also known as "Maddison K Mouse"): Why is this mouse so quiet and mysterious? Why does he never speak or even take off his goggles? Wait, is this mouse even a "he" at all? Well, yes and no. To put a long story short, back in these days and times of the early 1900s, women weren't taken seriously. Even toon women. Born a genius, the only way to get people to notice her freakishly large brain talent is to disguise herself as a man and as to go as "Mad Mouse" instead of "Maddison Mouse". However, her little secret couldn't be kept that long, for an incident in her labs caused her to lose part of her disguise and have to come clean to Billie, Poochie, and Wolfie. It was through them who helped her realize that, no matter who you are, your voice deserved to be heard no matter what. From that point on, this support cast member decided to cease wearing the disguse and be her actual self. Though, I wouldn't mess with this quiet little genius. She's a little...mad (crazy), as the legends and cartoons portray her as.

[obsessive-ego]

Open for more sleep sex suggestions? Alright I'll bite.

Reader comes back home after a really long and hard day at work (yeah sorry if it's kinda the same 😔) and despite wanting to just sleep they're also in the mood for something more hot. But they are way too tired and out of energy to do it so they decide to try out something that they planned with beetlejuice, a new code of words that helps him understand when they're in the mood to try sleep sex. So they go to the bedroom and (no surprise) they find beetlejuice there just chilling. When he asks how they're doing they say "I'm very tired Beej. I think I'm just gonna wear a t-shirt on and sleep the whole night long.... maybe with more plushies if it's alright? ". (that's the secret message I was referring to)

"....alright babes then I'll let you change and go to bed. In the meantime I'll grab myself some snacks and the plushies you asked for. I'll come back when you're already asleep" before he disappears he gives them a peck on their cheek and a soft smile before vanishing. At some point, when reader has changed their clothes and went to bed, beetlejuice reappears along with his clones and one by one takes good care of them (of course beetlejuice goes first and watches them enjoying the clones.... and maybe goes back for another round 😏😏😏)

Hope you liked this 🥺 (if not understandable)

I'm hollering

I love this so much

Like 😳

I like the idea of beej needing to remind the clones to go easy

"Nice and soft fellas, ya dont want ta wake 'em"

I was also thinking maybe reader shows beej how to take videos on a phone

So the following day, they can see what went down 👀

[leo-interactive-fiction]

Let's say mc has to go on a trip for something and it'll be a few weeks. So mc suggests to the ros that they buy each other stuffed animals so that they both have something to cuddle while the mc is away.

Cute haha, let's see...

E: they give you a fluffy baby red panda, "Isnt it cute?! I hope it keeps you good company! You'll stay safe, right? You have everything you need?"

R: they tell you to close your eyes and hold out your hands. When you open your eyes, a small fox sits in your palm. "A little good luck charm for the road."

L: "I couldn't find anything I thought would make a suitable gift, but um..." they hand you a thin booklet, "I wrote you some short bedtime stories. D-dont open it yet!"

V: "Stuffed..." they mull over the request before opening your hand and setting a grenade in it. "For the animals."

P: they hold up a stuffed tiger by the scruff, "I wasnt gunna get you shit but something happened and I ended up with this, so here. You better come back with him. I mean it. Dumbass."

M: "Guess...what I...got you...Ta daa..." they present a massive stuffed orca with a giddy smile. You dont know how you're going to fit it with your other bags, but you decide not to ruin the moment as they hand the oversized pillow to you. "Its hollow...so you can...climb in...its mouth...and take a...little nap...isnt that nice...?"

Ra: they hand you something more akin to a voodoo straw doll, made to roughly resemble them, "I even used my own hair...oh, and dont worry! I have one of you too! Just for me! So we'll be together, even when we're apart!"

S: you find them wrestling to hold a live raccoon in their arms, a dozen small scratches on their arms and face. "I got it, Anon! This little fella's a feisty one, but I'm sure he'll calm right down when I get 'im in the box!"

F: they hand you a couple hundred dollars, "I'm sure that'll cover that cost of whatever trivial item you're hoping to supplement your loneliness for."

Thank ya for the ask! Hope you liked it haha

[funeralfire]

James you said you had the cops called on you while partying with the Amish, are you willing share more on that? Because I'm very intrigued lol

😂😂😂 omg yeah! Sera, this is like one of my favorite trigger happy redneck stories from my youth lol. I may have been dramatically vague in the tags but i hope the real story is as funny as i think it is! Also I'm probably telling some identifiable details through all of this so uhh yikes for my anonymity 😬

Also sidenote: I'm pro-gun control for the most part (its a nuanced conversation) I just have a background in weapons stuff so i may talk casually about firearms but i do not condone american gun laws. Yeah. also i was like 10 in this story i cant control what was happening lol

So flashback, im like 9 or 10 and my father is a fully legal firearms dealer with some of the higher clearances available, meaning he can sell silencers and higher powered weapons. So sometimes guys would seek him out to buy something specific. Now this time is was a .50 caliber long range rifle- probably semi-automatic? probably a sniper style rifle? In layman's terms, this motherfucker is the largest gun you can sell to civilians and there is literally no reason for anybody to possess it. It explodes people, it doesnt just shoot them. I thiiiink this specific gun was like armour piercing/anti-tank shit. Literally no one needs this. And no one would be using it either. After today 😈

The guy buying it was just going to display it on his wall, but you always have to shoot em' first before you buy em' right? Yeah sure, it was just a bunch of middle aged men excited to blow shit up, dont be fooled. But where on earth do you test shoot a massive fucking gun which is totally legal but very hard to explain??? THE AMISH FIELDS! So, because this is bumfuck nowhere, my dad calls up one of his amish buddies (they act very serious and morally righteous, but do not be fooled. theyre a fucking hilarious group of people) and asks if we can use his field- not growing szn mind you- to shoot this thing. He says yes, but we have to set up the targets and i think there was some bartering involved as well? But we get to this field, set up sandbags and targets maybe a mile down the way? And make sure theres nothing valuable behind the targets, too. We dont fully comprehend how massive this fucker is, you only know so much from reading specs ya know? So we get set up, gotta lay on the ground to shoot this thing. It takes a lot of prep. The gun is like the full length of my body and the bullets are as large as my hand. Its my parents, the buyer, like 2 friends, and a few amish fellas. We're as safe as can be with hearing protection and goggles. You really dont want to fuck up or misfire something which can destroy an armoured vehicle, ya know? (Having a handgun misfire on you is scary enough 🙄) So we take our time setting up and hooo boy the suspense is big!

And so. My father lays down, aims at the target a mile away. Just a blip to the naked eye. and pulls the trigger. BAM! The ricochet of pure NOISE around the mountains goes on across probably the whole valley. The bullet when through the targets and sand bags and went several meters further before exploding into a cloud of dust along the dirt covered road.

So like obviously this is a hill-billy's wet dream. Biiiiig gun. Biiiig noisy explosion. Boom! So we all had our turn shooting the thing, and oh boy was it a fucking blast ;) ! Honestly its just pure unadulterated power and may i reiterate literally pointless for anyone to own. But fuck was it fun. So anyways. A couple of redneck fuckers shooting a perfect legal firearm on private property with consent from the landowners. How did we get the cops called on us?

Noise complaint.

A fucking noise complaint!!! We are in the middle of a field in amish territory, its miles until the next residential area. But the noise this fucker made was so incredibly intense, and echoed throughout the entire valley, someome called the cops because they believed someone was setting off bombs/illegal explosives. That fucking loud.

So the cops never actually found us. Well, technically, after we packed up, put all the demolished targets back, carefully placed the gun back into our truck to finish off the paperwork with the buyer back in civilization, and tried to make it look like we weren't just shooting one of the largest weapons available for civilian purchase because yes it's legal but is that really the conversation you want to have with a cop? We got pulled over. By a cop. Asking if we had "heard any explosions?" our answer? No officer, we haven't. Good luck finding them!

Yeah. We told the cops we didn't hear the explosions we were making ourselves. Thats the long and short of it! Big gun on amish land, noise complaint called in, and telling the cops we didnt hear or see anything with a .50 caliber long rifle hidden under a blanket in the back seat.

Redneck stories like these are fun, but I do want to be clear the fact im able to tell a story such as this is 110% because of white privilege. So anybody reading this, specifically other white folk, do your part in protecting black americans (or, whatever country you're in) and fight for equal treatment and reform. Donate, speak to your representatives, protest, assist your community. Black lives matter. We're not free until all of us are.

[cncobby]

CNCO at Disneyland/California Adventures

as a native californian and an avid disney lover writing this WRECKED me so i hope you all enjoy~

JOEL

cali boy obviously loves his disney

u guys are season passholders duh

always there right when the park opens 

he refuses to let go of your hand the whole day

“babe you don’t have to hold my hand all the time ya know? its not even that crowded today”

“nah i gotta or else you’ll get lost”

*eye roll* “yeah ok dork”

being so cutesy in line

all the smooches??

just like small ones when you’re leaning on him since the lines are long

forehead ones

cheek ones

so many smooches all over ur face

forcing him to wear the minnie ears

“they look cute i PROMISE”

“can’t i just wear the hat??”

“uh no this is what the people want”

taking his sunglasses for yourself

“baby this is why you should just let me buy you new sunglasses”

“why when i can just wear yours??”

so. many. selfies.

i mean what else is there to do in line???

cute ones, funny ones, gross ones

he’s really good at taking candids of you

attempting to do cute poses when the cameras take pictures of you at the end of the ride

him being pouty bc the ride messed up his hair

“baaaaabe can you fix my hair again the ride messed it up”

taking the cutest couple pics in front of the castle

watching the fireworks together!!!

u guys are just talking when u absentmindedly note that your dream proposal would be at disney 

he’s like “noted as FUCK” to himself

CHRISTOPHER

he’s SO EXCITED

being the big kid he is he’s so excited for all the rides

also just spending a day with his baby?? his favorite activity

tbh his favorite part is all the food

you guys probably spend more time eating than on rides

seeing his face when u buy him that giant turkey leg is PRICELESS

u have to stop him from stopping at LITERALLY every cart/restaurant

“baby if you eat that rn you’re going to vomit on the ride”

“BUT ITS BLUE CHURROS”

has the most fun on autopia and the cars ride tbh

(since he gets to drive like a fucking maniac)

he LOVES all the characters

fuck the princesses he wants pictures with pluto and goofy

he screams louder than you on rollercoasters 

buying matching couple stuff

matching hoodies

matching bracelets

matching mickey and minnie ears

he surprisngly loves the train that takes you around disney

(also gives him an excuse to smooch you during the tunnel parts)

he falls in love with toontown

loves how cartoony everything looks

once u guys go over to california adventures he literally is exploding with excitement

end up spending the rest of the day there

(not that you mind he’s so cute how can you say no)

literally squeezes ur hand to death on california screaming

he’s also fascinated with soaring over california??? “AMOR IT SMELLS LIKE ORANGES”

you end the day on silly symphony swings overlooking how pretty everything looks at night

“lets do this again baby” 

“yeah? you liked it that much?”

“yeah i also like how happy you look when we’re here”

that makes u have the BIGGEST smile 

ur so in love w this goof

RICHARD

took you on a surprise date!

he knows how much u love it and he FINALLY had some free time

woke u up at the ass crack of dawn

“baby wake up i have a surprise for you”

ur like ???? bro its SEVEN IN THE MORNING

so u just throw on a oversized shirt and leggings 

and then all of a sudden ur in the car???

u see the disney hotels suddenly and ur like ... wait

“YOU DIDNT”

he smiles that cute toothy smile he has

“i did baby, we’re going to disney!”

you’re literally bouncing in your seat

he’s laughing at how adorable you are

u guys go during christmas disney and everything is so pretty and magical

homeboy came prepared with a whole bag of snacks and drinks 

also bough matching ears beforehand that say “mr. and mrs,”

you’re like huh foreshadowing are we???

he just winks at you

*swoon*

going on all the rides but also just walking around looking at how beautiful everything is??

he is the perfect insta boyfriend taking cute pics of u in every possible angle

starts calling you princesa throughout the day bc he see’s how much u love the princesses there

he also got u guys a reseravation to the blue bayou???

wow this man really owns ur heart

also u guys may have made out on the pirates ride

(who doesnt lets be honest)

giving you piggyback rides when your feet get tired

“cant let mi princesa have sore feet”

buying souvenirs for aaliyah 

“do u think she’d like this??”

“maybe i should buy both”

you’re like babe i think she would like the stuffed turtle and the stuffed fish but do u

stay really late and ur both pooped at the end of the day

 he’s like one more surprise!!

ended up getting you a suite at the disney hotel 

“nothing but the best for my princess”

u really have found the disney prince you’ve been searching for

ZABDIEL

u guys go during halloween disney!!

couples costume as harry and ginny

(yes i know they arent disney characters)

forces u to go on haunted mansion twice

“babe its literally just looking at stuff”

“yeA BUT ITS HALLOWEEN STUFF”

“ohmygod”

eating everything and anything pumpkin

buying all the halloween treats!!

“zabdi that looks nasty plus we have enough food”

“theres never enough halloween food”

he’s so sad tower of terror isnt actually tower of terror anymore

watching live shows together!!

he ends up loving mickey and the magical map

taking a boat ride on mark twain riverboat to take a break from walking

cuddling together and just being happy bc its halloween and your with ur baby what else is better???

you guys end up sitting at a restuarant and just people watching

looking at all the cute couples costumes

and all the little kids who are dressed up

he casually just like ... drops a BOMB

“when we have kids they can go as lilo and stich and we can go as nani and david”

u look at him like uh what did u say

just winks at you and is like 

“yeah i said it amor i wanna have kids with you”

takes every ounce of self restraint to not jump out of your seat and give him the biggest smooch

bc hello family friendly park fellas

when u guys watch the parade or the fireworks he always hoists you onto his shoulders

“can’t let my little shortie miss out”

buying matching pins!!

u guys start collecting and trading pins together

so now everytime he’s free in california u guys make a point to try and go to disney at least once

ERICK

baby is soooo excited 

they rarely get time off and its been TOO LONG since he’s visited disney

u guys legit get there as the park opens

he has SO MUCH ENERGY

running around and dragging you to every ride

his favorite is astro blasters

also loves the bugs life section in california adventures??

runs around to all the little rides and games 

posing and taking cute photos together with the different characters

showing him all the “secret” disney food

he LOVES the light show at the end of the the night

sharing frozen lemonades and ice creams

u guys go to all the less crowded/less known places in disney

he loves the goats near adventureland

u end up getting SOAKED on splash mountain

literally RUSHES to get u a new outfit bc he cant have his baby being cold thats a no no 

ur just standing there giggling as he’s running around the gift shop trying to find clothes in ur size

u end up in an overized tie dye shirt and basketball shorts

“erick i look ridculous”

“i think you look beautiful cariña”

“ur just biased”

*him being fake offended*

“are you saying i dont have good fashion sense???”

“yes thats exactly what i’m saying”

“...you make a good point”

he loves watching the frozen show

(even tho a part of u is heartbroken aladdin isnt showing anymore)

(he’d make such a handsome aladdin)

you guys end up strolling around main street near the end of the night

just taking cute ass pics together and looking at all the cute souvenirs

he gets u a cute little heart bracelet 

engraved is his initials in it

“there mi vida, so my heart is always with you”