#hope u like this I worked very hard
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Power <3
#hope u like this I worked very hard#power#power chainsaw man#power fanart#chainsaw man#chainsawman fanart#csm#csm fanart#nuppu nuppu#my art#fanart#art#artists of tumblr#artists on tumblr#I wanna make charms and stickers but I have no idea where to start#also I’m thinking of opening commissions again
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heyyy <3
#desert duo#grian#goodtimeswithscar#hermitcraft#mcyt#favourarts#mcyt fanart#hermitcraft s7#ok to tag as ship#DREW THIS IN AN AGGIE A MONTH AGO . N LEFT IT UNFINISHED#SUDDENLY GOT POSSESSED N WORKED ON IT TODAY N YESTERDAY#NOW ITS DONE !!!!!!!!#im still very much insane over them btw#just found it hard 2 draw for like a few months <//3#maybe bc it was the last few months of high school n i was GRADUATING#n got busy w ENROLLING#oh but like yk its not a big deal /s JHSKFJSFDSJDF#anyways hope u enjoy ^_^ hope that my love for these two is still apparent in this drawing even tho its been 3 months ^_^
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Helloo, Smooches! Been a long time since I've been here😅 In meantime I got a decree and currently I'm dying from heat, but anyway - Natlan. While I'm disappointed at the lack of melanin, at least women there are pretty. And Capitano!
I just thought Capitano is the kind of guy who unintentionally can speak of his lover for a long time, until someone stops him. Sure, in trailer all he said is "Hm", but I'm telling you, in expedition with him, Varka, Mika and favonius soldiers learned a lot about you simply because Capitano kept talking and others were too scared of him to actually call him out
Then in Natlan, he'll talk to Traveler respectfully, only when needed, but as soon as Paimon asks why he takes so much photos and for who or whose *insert item* he's wearing (I feel like Capitano's lover will give him something like a good luck charm) and he'll start talking about you and oh boy, while Traveler and Paimon want to meet you (mostly bc they're curious who's that person who manged to form a relationship with #1 of Harbingers), they also regret asking anything and think how they can tactically leave. And it happens every time someone asks Capitano anything related to his lover
-🥀
It's not unknown that Capitano is a quiet man, even when he speaks he's straight to the point, not wasting time on anything unnecessary. He much prefers for his actions (or blade) to do the talking. But there are a few souls who have witnessed the Captain's mouth run on for longer, much to their surprise (said people still haven't gotten over it, except Varka. That guy knew exactly what he was doing when he met the Harbinger, he wasn't scared at all. Though he didn't mention the abrupt talkativeness because he much enjoyed seeing this side of Capitano. Even gave him some romantic advice!)
It was the same with the Traveler, he was a bit interested in them from listening to the tales of his soldiers, but his calm demeanor remained the same. He was really just focused on his mission for the Fatui - the Gnosis and whatnot, and secondly, his mission for you - getting the perfect gifts as an apology for leaving you for so long. Needless to say, he's gotten the hang of it after having to go on so many expeditions. (And his agents secretly drop hints during conversations with him, because they're the #1 Reatano shippers.)
Of course, Paimon is nosy as usual and can't help but ask about the Capitano's peculiar habits. Or wonder why someone as strong as him needs something as tiny as a good luck charm. (Can't blame her much though, it's not every day you see the Harbinger doing such... normal things.) Capitano then mentions his marriage to you very simply - he's not ever embarrassed or reluctant to say he's with you, plus he trusts the Traveler to a certain degree that they'd never hurt you. Traveler and Paimon nearly explode on the spot.
A Harbinger?! Married?! Happily married too?! And he's this dedicated to you?! Who. Are. YOU?! They try to pry a bit more for info, but even more to their surprise, he offers up more things about you (though he knows the limit - he won't ever compromise your safety.) But at the same time, he can't help but talk about you - you're just that amazing there are so much things about you that he notices every time he sees you again after ages. You- you're just so-
The traveling duo are praying to every Archon that someone will come and interrupt this conversation.
#smooches talks#🥀 anon#capitano love notes <3#this is canon to me btw#HE ADORES HIS LOVER SO MUCH#IM CRAZY#also i completely agree w u abt the melanin#i dont wanna start a rant here but like... yea.#ALSO I THINK U MEAN U GOT A DEGREE?? IF U CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! U WORKED VERY HARD!!!#i hope u are doing well! <3
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super excited for the p3 remake, can’t wait to re-experience minato’s journey in HD! 💙
#persona 3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#lizzy does art#STILL GOT THIS GOD IT FEELS LIKE. FOREVER SINCE IVE LAST DRAWN MINATO.#p3 remake announcement literally revitalizing every last braincell in my system to draw persona 3 again#i love u minato thank you for fundamentally changing me as a person im so glad that you exist and that i met you!!!#i have soo many p3 ideas i havent gotten to yet because i havent worked up the courage to do them bc they're 'too hard'#hoping to change that!! i still love this game very much and i miss drawing for it tbh... minato is big comfort to me#literally just drew these on impulse felt so nice drawing minato again um. anyways! i hope you all have a very good day!!
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OOH YEAH BABY! PARTY TIME BABY! MUSIC! DRINKS! SOCIAL PRESSURE & A PSYCHEDELIC BREAK DOWN! WELCOME TO VAMPIRE SOCIETY MOTHERFUCKER! ARE YOU SCARED? DO YOU UNDERSTAND YET? ITS OKAY IF NOT. FIRE DISSOLVED IT! ITS ALL GONE NOW. HAVE FUN!
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#RRAAHH IM IN LOVE WITH THIS SHOW SOOO GOODDAMN MUCH!! each o these characters has STOLEN my HEART!!!#LIKE EMIZEEELLL i love emizel so much.. runnin around announcing that HE isa PRINCE while shiloh FINALLY quietly clicks the pieces together#nathan hanover you MADMAN!!! that slow dramatic guitar riff as emizel makes that announcement was so fuckin COOL UGHHHH#MR HANOVER DOES IT AGAIN just creating tracks that absoultely WORM into my MIND and HHEAARRT UUGHHGHH#emizel is so cool and so funny and so adorable UUGHH ill gush abt him more when i finally post my emizel n soda doodle page#ARTHUR FUCKING BENNET. i totally get why grizz has a hard time playing him. hes cool and stoic n its not easy to play a man o little words#BUT BBOOOY DOES HE DO IT WELL!! arthur DOES come off as so stoic n cool & it just makes his lil misfortunes all the more charming#like falling into the red fear or confrontin edward twilight or accidentally doing lsd. I LOVE THATS HES THE BAD LUCK GUY.#okay uhhu uhh i have limited room here what else should i say uhh. THE NPCS. MY GOD THE NPCS. CHARLIE U WONDERFUL MADMAN#edward twilight is SUCH a funny fucking antagonist. and supposedly his magic stuff is super scary?? SO EXCITED TO SEE MORE OF THAT#ill ramble abt mr deacon keller later eheh i have a. uh. a doodle page in the works. so in the meantime DAYBRINGER SOLOMON!!#“HERE COMES THE SUN MOTHERFUCKER!” “ILL SEE YOU IN HELL. NOT. IM GOING TO HEAVEN. BITCH.” like come on now. oh my god. i need him#BIG POWERFUL BEAST AND EVERY WORD HE SAYS HAS ME CRACKING UP. THE MUFFLED VOICE IN THE DARK BROKEN BY “LIGHT!”#TRULY HILARIOUS AND YET TRULY HORRIFYING. I FUCKIN LOVE CHARLIE NPCS SO MUCH. I HOPE WE SEE HIM AGAIN OHH MY GOOOODDD#OKAYokay. im normal now. ill talk abt the piece. if u read my tags this far then u get special secret knowledge abt the artistic process#IM VERY HAPPY WITH MY COLORS! i know they were hallucinating on drugs so i just recalled the times i did drugs & used that as my influence#REMEMBER KIDS! acid is totally fine if ur safe and responsible about it. do acid and then stare at my art for a bit trrruuust me. IT MOVES!#anyway i think thats all my thoughts here. thank you for looking at my art n thanku if ur one o the ppl that says nice things in the tags#U are LITERLY my life blood i pick up each of u n kiss u so sweetly on the head. remember to try acid!!!!
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Forgive me if I'm a bit nervous about Gorgug this season. It's just that the last Zac Oyama pc was Colin Provolone, who was arguably one of his greatest D20 performances, if not the greatest.
Zac always does great with every pc he plays, but Colin was something else. He came out swinging with actions and words that were teeming with unspoken emotional baggage. The way Colin's presence affected the other pcs; there was this level of depth that I don't think I've seen in any of his other characters. It was understated and quiet in that signature "just a guy" way that he tends to be, while still captivating everyone instantly with just how raw it was.
Not to say we haven't seen emotional depth in Gorgug. It's just that, compared to the other Bad Kids, Gorgug's journey and progression as a character has been very... impersonal? Like, yes, he found his birth parents, and he found friends who appreciate him, and he faced his insecurities about his intelligence, and he navigated relationship troubles, and his trial through the claustrophobic bug-tunnels was a horrifically-uncanny parallel to how he's spent his entire life trying to make himself as small as possible.
But how much of that has actually changed him from the Gorgug we started with? I would agree that he's definitely happier with his life, given all the loving and supportive people that have been added to it when it used to be just him and his parents. And he's certainly grown into himself and become more self-assured in his abilities, even if he's still, and always will be, our anxious little guy. And there's nothing wrong with that. I've always liked how Gorgug was a representation of all the little things. The subtle acts and kindnesses that don't seem like much to most, but to some are everything.
We don't need another Bad Kid living in fear that their mouth could be shit-in at any moment. We've already got one-too-many.
All that being said, I just feel like Gorgug's personal story beats are much easier to sweep under the rug than everyone else's. He has the same soft and understated quality that Colin held, but they lack that extra oomph that pushed Colin over the edge from being just another guy in a series of dudes, to a character that the vast majority of us could not get out of our heads. He took someone who was anxious and softspoken, who ultimately never wanted to be violent— someone who is remarkably similar to Gorgug in many ways— and maintained that demeanor and core in Colin's character while still hitting us in the feels with character development at max velocity at every turn.
I think Zac gets better and better at this with every season that goes by. With each new character, there is always something that leaves me stunned in awe. And it's been, what, three? Four years since we last saw Gorgug?
I'm just,,, I'm cautiously optimistic but also going into a bit of a worry about what violence this man may inflict upon us
#i got SO carried away LMAO#i dont think ive ever written any posts about gorgug specifically#i made a lot about colin. and some about pib. and some more about zacs performances in general.#but never anything gorgug-focused. i just wasnt on tumblr at those other times that hed been on my mind like this#you can tell i still couldnt resist talking about colin lol#he was just so fucking good. a fantastic character all around. i cant imagine a better example to get my point across than him#when i do posts like this its all very much just me taking a vague idea and working with whatever comes out in the moment#so when i tell you i very much did not plan to get lost in the counterargument and had to stop for a second to remember what my point was#my point still stands but so does everything else#you dont realize it. how similar gorgug and colin really are. or how metaphorical the bug tunnel was.#or how gorgug IS the epitome of little details. small acts. quiet rights and wrongs. the faint causes and the even subtler effects.#u dont truly realize it until youre writing it yourself in a free flow fugue state and it all comes to a halt cuz youve blown your own mind#anyway i love gorgug and i love zac pcs and i hope this post makes sense cuz finding the right words was fucking hard hah#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#gorgug thistlespring#the ravening war#trw#colin provolone#zac oyama
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need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu
#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self#and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is#recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this#and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth#sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there#how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way#anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again#i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare#u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath#your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he#i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted#bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters#but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk#goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh#bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice#i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will#simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think#having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think#over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to#yaar#i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows#two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion#when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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dragon spotted in the city..,
#it me#i worked very hard on these horns and wings...hope u like them#happy halloween#i think i look very genderqueer here and i love it.#gay#wahoo#i am a dragon if u we're wondering#my friend i having a bird themed party and i think this is close enough#hehe#i got a 5$ wrap out of this costume ha
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so hey, *sits down politely in Listening Mode™* what do you think about akasaiou? :} (feel free to go off. going off is encouraged!!) /genuine
DEEP INHALE
IMMEDIATELY FORGETS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT AKASAIOU DESPITE THEM OCCUPYING ALL MY BRAIN SPACE FOR MULTIPLE YEARS AT THIS POINT
TAKES SEVERAL DAYS TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION (SORRY) BECAUSE WORDS HARD EDITING EVEN HARDER
ough. um. well first of all there's LOTS of tasty hand symbolism and i go bananas for that. with saiou it's pretty explicit (i reach out, but he doesn't take my hand and the bandaging scene in the FTEs, he can't lie about the warmth of his hand in salmon mode, to a lesser extent shuuichi's accusatory finger point but ESPECIALLY in the fourth trial) for saimatsu it's a bit more subtle (kaede reaching out to pull shuuichi up when he falls out of the locker, shuuichi taking her hands over the desk to comfort her even though his own are shaking, a lingering shot of their hands desperately reaching out for eachother that they CUT from the execution and i will NEVER NOT BE MAD ABOUT-) and for oumatsu it's almost entirely in my head (them playing tag COUNTS, it DOES-). it's good food basically.
(small side tangent about that last bit - i want to focus mostly on them as a trio here, but i feel like i need to play a bit of defense for oumatsu because GOOD GOD are people nasty about it in a way they aren't about saiouma or saimatsu. no, kaede does not dislike kokichi - she calls him "hard to hate" more than once. no, kokichi is not "too mean" by pointing out her failings in the tunnel (and yes, he's allowed to be snappish when he's exhausted and injured!). kaede and kokichi are a wonderful duo who both give the other much needed pushback on the faults in their personal ideologies, and they do that while knowing when to stop and just goof off together. half the people who say their dynamic is irredeemably unhealthy are stealing that dynamic and plastering it onto kaito/kokichi because they hate ships with women in them. this has been Soapbox Time With Vesper).
i think the main reason i started shipping them - beyond all three of them just having fun/cute/silly dynamics with the other two sdhnjhsf - is that they are, to me, the core of v3. i've talked about it before (1 2) , but kaede's death is EVERYTHING to kokichi and shuuichi's parallel character arcs.
kokichi is bright, extroverted, and has a hand leading the group (challenging kaede in the tunnel, establishing the first breakfast meeting, leading the charge in convincing the others monokuma is dead even when he doesn't truly believe it) but he's never the same after kaede dies; he believes *any* kind of open cooperation will get him targeted by monokuma and killed. he resorts to manipulations on top of schemes on top of plans in a desperate attempt to never end up like her.
shuuichi is withdrawn, suspicious, and really only cooperates with one person (he suspects rantarou to the point of taking kaede aside and warning her not to ask him any more questions about his talent, he makes his own plot to catch the ringleader with no intentions of sharing it with the group) but once kaede passes on her wish he forces himself to socialize and to trust in a way he never would've before, and by ch4 *he's* basically the group's de-facto leader. if v3 had a movie poster kaede would be big and faded from the back and saiou would be back-to-back in the center with everyone else lining the corners. does that make any sense?? idk.
ough what else...i think the flaws/weaknesses in each pair are helped by their third member (kokichi has ZERO tolerance for shuuichi or anyone else putting kaede on a pedestal, shuuichi is a calming presence to balance out the oumatsu shenaniganery, kaede will simply knock the boys' heads together if they attempt Miscommunication™). i think they should all bond postgame (what if we didn't directly kill anybody but we still had blood on our hands...and then we held them!!). i think they should have one of those bunk beds with a twin on top and a queen on bottom, so saimatsu can spoon and kokichi can cackle manically from his nest of pokemon plushies. i think they should go on a boba date and shuuichi should have to pull out all his acting chops to pretend he doesn't hate the texture. i think that i love them a lot :]
#HHHOLY SHIT DID THIS TAKE ALL MY BRAINPOWER#time to lay in the mud (<- write easy fun shitposts) for a while#I HOPE U (and everyone else!!) LIKE THIS...i must spread akasaiou brainrot it is my noble duty#if you notice a mistake No You Didn't i am TIRED!!!#akasaiou#saioumatsu#akasaiou tag#akamatsu kaede#kaede akamatsu#ouma kokichi#kokichi oma#saihara shuuichi#shuichi saihara#<- yes im maintagging this. i worked very hard on it#dr#ndrv3#mem says stuff
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oc!!
#last one before i go to bed!!!#this is my oc :)))#hope u like her and the critter too#worked very hard i think!!!#oc#digital art#my art#art#original character#dragon#blorbo#skrimblo#i care for these two even if they have no names.....#ibispaint art#ibispaint#uwaahdhvsjabz posting here again is so scary i havent done anything in like years#explodes#and yeah this is my icon for now :3
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i have this unfounded theory that a lot of media is so consumed with trying to one-up each other and be different that they forget that simplicity is often just as effective of a tool in telling a compelling and cohesive story
#uhhhh me#i'm not sure different is the right word but idk how else to say it#like they're trying to show how creative and unique they are but at the cost of telling a straightforward story. u know#i just saw IF and the first half of the movie was actually really good#it gave me old school kids movie vibes#but when they introduced the concept of the retirement home full of imaginary friends it kinda got convoluted#to me it was them trying to put a spin on the concept of imaginary friends by bureaucracy-fying it#but in the end that whole idea wasn't even necessary#it had very little to do with bea's arc and the interviews went on for too long for no reason except to get laughs#when the movie didn't need it! it already had a casual funny tone!#to me the movie could have just kept with blossom and blue and cal (and keith if you really want)#and forgone the entire retirement altogether#just have bea trying to reunite blossom and blue with their humans and then reuniting cal with herself#like yeah sure you lose the hopeful ending of all the IFs finding humans again HOWEVER i feel that wasn't the point of the movie anyway#the point was bea needing to learn it's okay to still be a kid in hard times and it's okay to still need childish things when you grow up#it's simple but simplicity works#ofc nuance not saying complex movies can never be good bc a lot of them are#it's just that i feel like convolution is becoming more and more of a problem in media#source: i watch way too many damn movies
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beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙
#lizzy speaks#the human brain works in such profound ways i think#lately i've been thinking about that post that was like 'you will always be your oldest friend take care of yourself'#it's definitely a sentiment i agree with and i appreciate how it emphasizes the importance of extending compassion to yourself#you wouldn't say such hurtful things to your friends right? (or at least i'd hope so)#so why would you say it to yourself?#you are your own friend too. and i think everyone has a beautiful soul within themselves. nurture it! water it! feed it good thoughts.#basically i wish everyone a 'i hope that your brain is not your own enemy but rather a friend that you can find comfort in'#things will work themselves out with time. there's beauty in life and you will find small delights to cherish!! i am manifesting it for u!!#and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental#i truly think that with time you will be able to rewire your brain to be kinder to yourself. i'm proud of you for taking any first steps :)#there are times in which it feels counterintuitive to go against habits that feel hard-wired... but brains are very malleable littel guys-#with such a wonderful capacity for changing and learning new things. so i hope everyone can learn to be their own best friend!#not to undermine the importance of a support network ofc. that's good too and im all for that!! but i hope everyone remembers to be kind-#not only to others but also to themselves!! you're going to do great out there!! i love you all!!#ive just been thinking about this a lot... i needed to get it out there. you all shine so brightly!!! we shall be fine!!! have a good week!#sorry if this is out of nowhere but if there's anything about me you should know it's that i'm the 'hey dont cry 8 billion people on earth-#ok?' post. idk i just find great joy in knowing others are out there thriving and finding a daily delight yknow i love humanity!!
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meowdy... <3
#i'm so close to caught up on everyone's lovely art and fics ;_; hghghgh and if you've sent an ask i'll answer it soon!!#[to the one person who knows who she is: KJSNKJN. KJSNDKJNDKJ. AAAAAA???? (positive)]#i've been very avoidant lately of online spaces ;; pt has been hard on my wrists so i haven't been able to work much on my plushie#and typing has been just as hard -- if it isn't the pain it's the inflamed nerves wrecking my hand-eye coordination#so i think i'm pressing keys when i'm not or i'm pressing all of the wrong keys. so it takes me twice as long to type anything ;;#i'm hoping we're building a good rapport tho and finding an equilibrium between Not Pushing Enough#and TOO MUCH TOO MUCH OW OW OW (week-long whole-arm nerve pain) kjsnfkjn so. i hope that means i'll be able to type regularly again soon!!!#we're just in the learning phase of both of us figuring out what my nerves can handle without exploding lmao. turns out: not much!!#i really want to talk to people again rghhhh i miss everyone sm!!! i keep being like 'wow i'm so lonely i wonder why that is'#<- has been disconnected from friends for many weeks#i WAS finally able to finish ren's face tho! very slowly! and i'm close to done w the body embroidery!!!#excited to have that done. not excited to start hand sewing. wish i had a working sewing machine even if i could only sit at it#for a few minutes at a time sjdfnskjn life could be a dream...#HENNYWAISE. hopefully i will soon have my carpal tunnel and pinched nerves reined in. my mars anniv is tomorrow#and i don't have anything to show for it bc of my wrists so. blows a kiss into the sky for her <3 my beloved oc-ified oushirou KJNSDKJN#i'm rambling and dont want to edit things bc pain from today's appointment ok i love u byebye 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -#<- just in case
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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Uh oh. Essay in readmore time
What's so frustrating is that for almost all of my life I didn't know I had adhd, and only found it out 5ish years ago
During ALL of my studies i was intensely freaked out and even when i got a grip on some of my mental health shit at uni, importantly I was still unaware of the adhd. And only had some professional tell me about their suspicion about it AFTER I could have received any support in my schooling.
And I have been working damn hard over the last half a decade to learn about myself and the way I work, and be kind to myself and open minded, and learnt from many many different people with adhd how they function - especially through advice on here bc much of Google is shit, and learnt what does and doesn't work for my personally.
I slowly unravelled and found myself. To a point where I'm actually functional and content in myself.
So now i find myself in the most intense, stressful period of my life since then. Grieving and finally understanding what people meant when they spoke about grieving a very close loved one. How nothing feels real even.
And I've found myself so extremely wired from having to do a very vast array of tasks all crammed into a short space of time with a close deadline - exactly the same conditions as during my studies.......... where nothing ever helped.
Yet. In the last thirty minutes I've unwound because I instinctively KNEW what to do. I found myself following all the things i taught myself about my adhd, and now I'm like 70% more chill???? Huh?????? Noticed suddenly that I've been using my ADHD self knowledge for the past few weeks and coped remarkably well because of it.
It's shocking because imagine what i could have done if I had ANY help with my adhd EVER in my life from the adults who were supposed to notice in my entire childhood. Like HUHHHHHH, I am shocked. Imagine how I'm here as an adult using 5 years of learning adhd related advice and stuff I learnt through self awareness .... and feeling better.
SHOCKING!!!!
PS - long ass tags that immediately ramble away from my initial post and go into something positive and that made me feel fluffy inside. You've been warned
#It's so fucking aggravating#i was a self contained child and didn't display the Expected ADHD traits or what fucking ever and so i got left to rot by the system#fantastic#sighhhhh but on the bright side - i am damn PROUD of myself tonight. I've come so far#It's very hard being neurodivergent and I'm doing amazing by own like standards#btw secret lore - first time i ever said aloud that i was proud of myself was in therapy like 6 years ago#and it was indescribably hard to get to that stuttered halting sentence 'i am proud of myself'. so hard and my therapist was so clearly#over the moon for me. i still treasure that memory and the path i have taken to being kind to myself and that's why every time i say#i am proud of myself#it holds the memory of every time I've ever said it or thought it and believed it#every time i see someone do something good i make sure to say well done because I'm proud of them too :-)#i do it apparently with such conviction and sincerety that people stop and stumble sometimes aha#i think it's beautiful to help people notice when they do well. like 'oh skipped work every day until today' - well done u made it today!!#'i cooked a meal and got it the way my mother makes it after many failed attempts' - well done you must have worked so hard#'i made a important phone call' (from friend who has told me before how much they struggle w calls) - BIG WELL DONE that must have been har#It's easy to notice and pay attention to people and congratulate them for these things that may not sound Big bc 'everyone else can do it'#as they say. or they are too busy to notice they did something that took effort on their part. It's so wonderful to make a difference#and hope they can be proud of themselves too in that moment#man this took a positive turn.... this is something I've not really said before. but it is truly so joyful to congratulate people to me
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