#hope this wasnt already done
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“She wasn’t forcing him in any way” YOU chose to show Robby so drunk he couldn’t talk and could barely stand. YOU chose to show Robby come out of that room and say he couldn’t remember what happened. YOU chose to show him stand there like a zombie unresponsive while she kissed him and then stumble away like he didn’t know what planet he was on. YOU chose to depict a situation where one party so obviously could not consent, and the other was acutely aware of that fact. Stop playing fucking dumb and admit you’re a pathetic rape apologist and move the fuck on.
#its not like hes saying anything i didnt already know this show believed about it but holy fuck man#he couldve said ‘it wasnt our intention but in hindsight looking back it was executed badly and done in poor taste and we apologize’#i dont even need him to fucking MEAN it. but lit out an acknowledgment of what you fucking did so that your millions upon#millions of dudebro loser fans dont start thinking its okay to DO this shit#hayden if youre reading this i hope a million fucking fire ants invade your bed for eternity#what a fucking loser honestly#ck spoilers#cobra kai spoilers#robby keene
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Wexler-McGill, Partners at Law in Crime
Based on the original work by Mac Conner, Illustration for "The Other Father" by Laura Z. Hobson. Cosmopolitan, November 1949.
#better call saul#mcwexler#jimmy mcgill#kim wexler#saul goodman#breaking bad#bcs#brba#kimjim#jimkim#ok i wanted to queue this up to post in the morning but im way too impatient and ive been working on this for months so#artists on tumblr#digital art#fanart#mac conner#i hope this wasnt done already#my art#i really wanted to add kims bird paintings to the background but idk it kinda felt weird to do and idk if they would have fit right#i got way too lazy with this towards the end#bcs fanart#bob odenkirk#rhea seehorn
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wip almost wednesday
i've been working on something this week and was just happy i managed to do that so thought i would share :> slight enw spoilers
tagging @coldshrugs @lavampira @hythlodaes @galadae @ghostwise
@impossible-rat-babies @lilas @birues and anyone else who wants to share! no pressure 💗 but i'd love to see anything you're working on!
‘Twas simple, after that, to fall into the haze of domestic bliss that overcame the two of them for the next few days. Corisande showed her around the island, her hand in theirs as they toured together. They dipped their feet in lily-filled ponds, jumped across the cold streams that carved the land on their way to the sea, stood atop cliffs with beautiful views that Corisande painted for her with words. Corisande pointed out all her favorite spots for foraging, marks on trees that marked her way back to the cabin, and where the island’s animals often liked to gather. They kissed beneath the loud rush of waterfalls, in the mouth of caves home to glowing crystal formations sprouting from the ground, under leafy palm trees, their backs pressed to the rough bark. They spent much of their time on the beach. Corisande packed lunch and they sprawled across a blanket on the shifting sand. They ate, read, lay together under the sun, the breeze lifting off the sea enough to keep the heat at bay. Sometimes they walked, hand in hand, the tide washing over their footsteps; other times, Corisande swam while Y’shtola read, waiting for the moment they returned and pressed their cool body to hers, both of them laughing when Y’shtola tossed her book to the side. They talked, as well, of course, about the usual things. Books they had read recently, recipes Corisande wanted to cook for Y’shtola to try, the progress on Y’shtola’s book and what the other Scions were doing with their newfound free time. There were topics they did not discuss, things that made Corisande pause, disquiet, before kissing the back of Y’shtola’s hand and leading her somewhere new. When the conversation brushed against them, Y’shtola did not pry. She let herself be pulled into their lap, pressed into the blanket, the sand warm beneath her, their lips and hands temporarily eliding her concerns. Corisande would come to her when she was ready.
#gigi i tried to tag you by searching @gigi at first alksdfs#anyway. i said i wasnt going to post any more of this til i was done but i was happy i managed like 900 words so T^T#but no more. til im done!!#the joys of writing are you have a thought like. shtola really wants to know whats going on and she doesnt care usually about rocking#the boat in order to get answers. but she loves cori and doesn't want to hurt her any more than they've been hurt already. so she's trying#out patience. which is unusual for her.#and then you have to hope that you managed to convey that without directly saying those exact words#not in this exact snippet but overall. im trying T^T#okay posting now and then getting ready for bed gn friends#wip whenever
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dark. that was all he had ever known. cold, dark, damp. the boy shivers in the small room, painfully alone, only a book and his magic to keep him company. he tries not to use his magic very often, though. it seemed that the people above knew when he used it and they always always always refused to give him food until he “woke up” next, if they bothered to keep track of that. maybe this time he’ll learn their lesson. the boy whispers his spell, cur memini, and creates a small light in his fingers. this is the only spell he can cast safely, too small to be noticeable by the people above. he holds his hand over the fading book on the floor. the boy can’t read the letters on the page, but this book has pictures. he flips through it again, careful of the pages that were falling apart, admiring the figure in armor who always comes to rescue the figure in the tower, cut off from the world, just like him. the boy frequently dreams of a figure in armor coming to save him, despite the years he has spent alone. dark and cold and damp.
the room the boy lives in, the only room he has memories of, is empty besides himself and the book. sometimes the people above would give him water and stale bread to eat, and then there was a cup and a dirty plate, but otherwise it was just the boy and the book. the boy knows why the people above have locked him away, they told him that he was a freak of nature, unnatural, dangerous. but the boy could only make lights in his palm, and that wasn’t very dangerous at all. he thinks to himself that the people above are the dangerous ones, locking away a child for something like this, but he can’t say that out loud. he doesn’t want to die again.
the boy’s stomach grumbles and he curls in on himself, the light in his palm fades out. he longs to see the sun again, to play with the other children he can hear through the ceiling, to be normal. the people above must have decided to punish him again, though, as he doesn’t remember the last time he had anything to drink, to eat. his stomach would eat through his skin and he would still wake up the next day. why can’t he just die once and for all and be rid of the pain? why is the world keeping him here? why was he even born?
the boy closes his eyes, and falls asleep. maybe this time it won’t hurt so much.
---
how long has he been here? the boy doesn’t keep track of time. he knows he’s died at least a dozen times, but how long does it take for a dozen lifetimes to pass?
---
a clattering on the floor wakes the boy up. the people above decided he can eat today. stale bread and water again, but better than nothing to the boy. he crawls closer to it, listening to the door. it closes and the voices disappear. where was the sound of the lock? did they forget?
the boy scarfs down his food and water before tiptoeing up the stairs. he doesn’t hear any voices, but he needs to be careful. he doesn’t remember what the above looks like, but he needs to leave. he needs to be free.
slowly, quietly, he opens the door. it’s dark on the other side of it, but still much, much brighter than his room ever was. he closes his eyes but keeps the door open. breathe in, and out. opens his eyes again, blinking the brightness away. pushes the door further open. steps on the hard ground outside the door. he’s so close. closes the door quietly. turns around and holds his breath. where was outside? pick a direction and go. his legs hurt. turn the corner, listen for voices. voices are dangerous, get away from the voices. whisper his spell, create a small light. keep moving keep moving keep moving. window ahead. break it? open it? is he strong enough? lift the window up. too weak. voices coming. hurry hurry hurry must get out now. whisper spell again, hand on window. break the glass and jump through it. cuts on feet cuts on legs deal with that later. voices getting louder voices shouting. run run RUN.
the boy runs away from the building, away from his room. freedom is so close. first get to the trees, then… he hasn’t thought that far, but he will find a way. gunshots from the house. he runs faster, must get to the trees, must hide, must be free. cur memini, he whispers again, crossing into the forest. his spell can make lights and now break windows, but he needs it to protect him at this moment. run run run until the voices are quiet again. his legs are giving out, but he needs to run. he can’t die now or they’ll find him. keep running. bare feet on sticks and stones and sharp things, everything hurts but he can’t stop. he keeps running until the sun comes up. his heart beats out of his chest.
---
when he wakes up he doesn’t know how much time has passed. his heart beats fast and he sits up. did they find him? he looks around. trees, rocks, a gurgling stream. he’s free. he’s free. he sighs and lays back down. how far did he run? he needs to go further. away from other people, away from anyone who might lock him up again. he sits up again and forces himself to stand and walk towards the sound of the stream. he can start there. water is important, and he might be able to get food from the little stream too.
his first drink of the stream water is icy cold, quenching his lifelong thirst in just a few swallows. he washes his face with it, removing years of sweat and grime. he wants to sit by the stream forever if only he could, but the people will find him eventually if he doesn’t keep moving. but he allows himself a few minutes to bathe in the water, savoring the feeling of water on his skin. his stomach still growls, wanting something more filling than the freezing water of the stream, but that would have to wait. he needs to get his bearings.
the light of the outside world is almost blinding, he realizes. the sun and the snow made it almost impossible to see anything. he should get up above the trees. can he even do that? cur memini, he says, trying to get his voice to be louder than a whisper. his feet float a few inches above the ground. he closes his eyes and says his spell again with more conviction. Cur Memini. he feels himself shooting into the air before he opens his eyes. he can see the forest stretch out for miles around him. trees covered in snow in every direction. if the old house is behind him, he should fly straight ahead, towards the forests on the mountains. tentatively, he leans forward and focuses his magic on keeping himself afloat.
it doesn’t take much to exhaust what little magic he has, but he’s put more distance between himself and the old house and the people above now. he should be safe to rest, truly rest. but first he should find something to eat. is there anything to eat out here? something in his head tells him to look a little closer to the ground. to his left. there’s a bush full of berries. he’s never had anything but stale bread, and doesn’t know what to expect as he crushes one with his teeth.
the sensation overtakes him for a brief moment. the berry is sweet, yet tart, and delicious. it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten and he thanks the little voice in his head for the information as he picks several more berries from the bush. the juice runs down his chin and makes him sticky, but it feels good. he feels truly alive for the first time.
once he’s finished picking the bush clean of its fruits, he needs to find a place to rest, to stay warm. he’s shivering in the intense cold of the north, but it’s nothing he isn’t used to. the room was never very warm after all. he listens to the little voices calling out to him, guiding him towards a small cave, instructing him on how to make a small fire to warm himself up. a small rabbit brushes against his leg and he swears one of the voices is coming from it. and with the fire going, he thanks the rabbit before it hops away back into the snow. he would be roasting that same rabbit over the fire a few months later.
the boy can’t stay in the cave forever though. as days turn to weeks turn to months, he worries that the people above are getting closer to him. they’ll put him back in that cold, dark, damp room again. he needs to keep moving. he has been practicing his magic, casting stronger spells, and he needs to be ready to fly. it's been long enough. cur memini he says holding his hand out. a rough stick with twigs tied to the end flies into his hand. it’s a poor excuse for what he understands is a broom, but it will work. he climbs onto it and focuses. cur memini cur memini cur memini. he lifts off the ground and watches as the branches of the trees get shorter and eventually he passes above the treetops.
he takes a moment to gather his bearings. he no longer remembers the direction the house was in, but going up is his best bet of staying away from the people above. he laughs, realizing that he is the one above them now. after a moment, he flies into the mountains. the small voices change into bigger, unfamiliar ones as he gets further into the mountain range. they tell him to hide, to stay away. he doesn’t listen. they cannot be more dangerous than the humans he is running from.
the boy lands, still exhausted from using so much magic, but he was able to travel further this time. that has to count for something, surely. he gathers some sticks and looks for another cave to make his home in. the caves remind him too much of the room he left, so he chooses to stay close to the entrance, close to the light that reminds him he is free. the fire keeps the animals away, but the voices are curious about the new presence in their woods. they make him curious too. he should stay in the cave tonight though and regain his energy. maybe he can get some small game to fill his stomach before settling in for the night. he listens for a rabbit’s voice, or maybe a squirrel, anything that would be small enough to kill with his hands.
at last, a small fox’s voice is heard nearby. he wonders if fox will taste different from the other game he’s eaten thus far. he lifts a hand-sized rock and slinks out of the cave towards the voice. it takes a few minutes to find the source, but the fox is curled under a tree, shivering, hungry, just like him. the boy hesitates before bludgeoning it and slinging the corpse over his shoulders. there are more foxes. he is much more important.
the fox is only the first animal he hunts in those mountainous woods. he spends several years in that forest and eventually humans settle up there as well. the boy, or rather, the man now, has made a name for himself amongst the human populations of the north. he is no longer afraid of humans capturing him and locking him up. they are still terrified of him, but now he is in control of that terror. the hunters that left his territory alive whispered tales of the great wizard owen who inhabited the mountains and terrorized anyone who had the bad luck of running into him.
all of this is perfectly fine with owen. eventually his reputation will grow beyond himself, encapsulating atrocities that were impossible for even someone as strong as oz to commit, but that would be a problem for future owen. for now, he is still young and living in his cave on the outskirts of a small village and scaring hunters who stray too far from their boundaries. the wolves don’t like these visitors either and gladly listen to owen’s lamentations. it keeps his hands clean of the bloodshed if he isn’t casting the spell himself. the wolves don’t care for owen either, but they respect him. and that is enough for owen.
the first of the unwanted visitors was a young man, someone who wanted to provide for his family. he pleaded with owen and the wolves to let him go and he wouldn’t cause any problems. those pleas fell on deaf ears though as owen looked the man in the eyes. won’t your family be disappointed, he asked almost innocently, you don’t have anything to show for your efforts. the man stammered a response, they’d rather i come back alive with nothing than die trying to find food. is that so, owen reached out for the man’s chin, the distance between their faces was almost nothing. y-yes, sir, please just let me go and i won’t bother you anymore. owen grinned. oh i’m sure you won’t be causing us any trouble again. the wolves stalked out of the woods, drooling at the prospect of tearing a piece of that man for themselves. owen snapped his fingers, and they came running forward, only to stop mere inches from the now trembling man. there was a suspicious yellow stain in the snow beneath him. p-p-please sir, anything you ask, it’s yours! then make sure you tell the rest of your little village that this forest belongs to the great wizard owen. the man ran off, leaving behind a hunting rifle and a ratty sack. the rifle would be of use, but the sack became tinder for his fires.
despite the warning from that first man, hunters continued to enter into owen’s territory. and one after the other, they ran off screaming with their tails between their legs. this should have annoyed owen, that people would ignore all of the warnings and stories that had started popping up about him, but it doesn’t. their fear feeds into his magic power, only making him stronger, and that is all fine with owen. he is no longer a weak child locked in the damp, dark basement, and he never will be again.
#shay writes#mahoyaku#promise of wizard#mhyk fanfiction#owen#owen mhyk#owen mahoyaku#character study#my wips#okay putting. disclaimers in the tags bc formatting. i am still new to reading everything#i'm almost done with the ballads. i have one left and its the proud hunter one#and then i'm hoping to start the first anni story#so uhhhhh if anything past the ballads is wrong no its not#jk jk i just havent gotten to it but i also like to take creative liberties with some things#and i definitely have already#trust me this is going to be way longer than it already is#like this is 2.5k words and i'm only posting all of it now bc its owen's birthday#i have several more scenes i want to write out as well that will add probably at least#another 2k words to this#if not more. its gonna be a time#but i did force myself to get to a decent place to end where it wasnt like. the middle of the scene#or a sentence. which some of my wips do accidentally end midsentence. i need to get better at that#but yeah. okay i should go to sleep i am actually sick and need to sleep and pray#i can go to work tomorrw. though if i'm feeling worse thats fine w me#i can sleep in for once#anyway happy birthday owen my mippy <3
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#i really hope this wasnt done already#splatoon 3#acht splatoon#marina ida#edit: this is the funniest template for marina specifically actually because she does like music or girls or something#thats like the whole character
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...
#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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sighhgh. kinda missing my object era already. but i just cant put my heart in it rn man
#bri talks#it was really fun and i was making so much art but the community--at least on twitter--was just like. so volatile.#and thats unfortunately kind of spoiled things for me for a while. i still love watching new episodes of the shows i like but. yk#all the other stuff like my lists and spreadsheets and my big playlist that i did for fun in between new episodes is just like. idk#i dont have any desire to upkeep them anymore. which sucks#i dont know if things are any different here i wasnt especially close with the community on tumblr outside of posting my own art#and like. mutuals i already had#yk maybe i coulda done better there are definitely people i shouldve muted or blocked ages ago to begin with#but the damage is done hindsight is 20/20#anyway. just rambling. hope my brain latches onto something new for me to rotate in my mind soon but i dont really pick when that happens#think i just hate being in fandom spaces is the problem#but i also love talking. so. hm. unfortunate
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spit balling 🤓
self depreciation aside I'm AWARE that I'm one of the most generous and caring people you could come across if you're not a terrible person
and I will try and be there for you even if I don't like you
so sending me death threats over something that isn't even true when I literally looked out for you is a crazy thing to do 😭
#RANT#and u wonder why so many people dislike you eughhhh#multifaced psycho cant stand ur kind ☝🏽🤓#its just so CRAZY to me#like#can you??? get help??#not to say names but youre fifteen#erm you should know better#you wanna fit in and have a name for yourself sooo bad#i remember talking to her about it afterwards like a civil citizen and she qas like#“that wasnt me i would never :( ???”#ok. ur done#how many blogs have you had to go thru already ????#how many mutuals have you. lost#already#im NOT the first one she did it to eitherrr#hope you get the help you need or smth 🙏🏽 hope ur devices get crushed because ive never met someone so chronically online and immature#you and your “friends” (if you managed to maintain your socalled friendships) actually#☝🏽🤓
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bobby carruthers I understand u babe but what u have done is spilling blood all over ur sister as she watches her husband she's just learned catastrophic information about die in her arms. gods what a case
#s&co#sherlock and co#HUGE spoilers tag#I need to draw something for violet she's got it so fucking rough man#well lets make my case clear first. if zach died there I would not have mourned him#he should NOT have been there in her ARMS though he should die like behind a shack or something#it's killing me that like. all bobby has done ultimately is deciding things for violet yet again. after a long period of exactly that#s&co is very good but sometimes it reminds me so starkly of why I've slowly drifted away from the crime genre lmao. gods. man#end of wedding score: 0 - 0 husband is an abusive dipshit and brother is now in prison. we win NOTHING !!!#brought it up on bsky already but this like. echoes gloria scott so perfectly lmao. one more case zero to nil babeyy#gods I hope john and sherlock keep in touch with violet after this. she needs someone in her corner too. what a fuckign case#lmao at least now we have the answer to why john posted this one with no censoring she wasnt doxxed <3 its her shithead husband
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I :) hate :) calling people :)
#catfish speaks#just had to go through a nightmare of a phone call to change a booking#ok it wasnt Actually that bad#the guy on the phone was very nice and helpful#and we ended up getting a refund#but FUCK ME IM SO TIRED#i already hate talking on the phone in the office it's such a percievance nightmare#and then when i Do everyone talks at the same time so i cant process what the people on the phone are saying!!!#and then once thats done i go to check the site to make sure its all sorted and OH MY GOD ITS NOT THERE#im hoping its just a temporary issue and will be fine by the end of tje day#cos he confirmed it was fine#but argh if its not i am going to kill someone#why can't my job just. be easy
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discovering things you can not yet handle while in recovery are as good as recovered is so shit
#my mom made risotto#I hate risotto the texture fucks w my brain so much I cant eat it and I didnt know she made it so I wasnt expecting it and like its normal#to like not eat salad or smth w it so it was just risotto#now I havent eaten dinner#i just left the table bc I also hate sitting there watching people eat and I wasnt saying anything either so its probably less annoying#if I just left yk instead of sulking#n she suggested making smth else n i was already thinking what I was gonna make myself for dinner bc I know I need to eat smh#but the idea of cooking while my parents are eating freaks me out so ye#now im gonna make food later when theyre done having dinner i gues#idk I dont like it#tw eating dissorder#idk what to tag thsi but I hope thats good enough#ed mention
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2 hours zoned out catering prep while listening to trigun OST. 5 hours of stress stress stress stress becoming a bundle of nerves winding tighter and tighter and tighter until it begs for a release of Some kind, any kind, anything that would make the constant stream of customers and drinks and noise just STOP-
Then 1 hour, long hour, but calm hour, listening to trigun OST again and dealing with the aftermath. It did wonders for keeping me from biting my own arm off, but it still took. So long. Even with the help of my boss and the manager coming back from her catering thing, it still took about 20 mins over the hour (1 hr 20 mins when it usually takes 30 ish mins)
This was not a good day for me.
#speculation nation#im still in the storage room bc i was. reading. trying to chill.#the first two hours i was running full speed with the hopes that id be able to putter out and go half speed again#but by the fourth hour i knew that wasnt going to happen. and that's when i started losing myself.#around hour 1.5 i hurt my own hand slamming it against the ice machine. already bruising shortly after.#and i did not regret it because it gave me smth to focus on. bc i was going to lose my mind with the endless stress of it all.#around hour 3 i hit my hand in the same exact spot on the ice bin. sharp spot. it's taken many bits of my blood over the years#this time was an accident though. a cut is less fun than a bruise. especially when layered :/#im going to be here again in less than 12 hours. and i Hope it will only be for the 5 hours im scheduled#today was supposed to be about 5.5 hr long but i was working for over 8. by my own choice i guess#but had i known how fucking hellish this shift would be maybe i wouldnt have taken up the catering order after all#too late now. it's already done.#real shoutout to the employee tho. the mpv of the night. seemed remarkably calm in comparison to me#it's hard for me to break under stress at work. but the continuous nature of tonight got to me.#at least i have food at home. i think im going to be kind to myself tonight.#negative/#self harm ment/
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I still can't believe they're charging THAT much for the shadow of the erdtree dlc... for like 2/3 of the base game price there fucking better be 100+ hours of content in there 🤨
#the dlc actually costs more than i paid for elden ring itself bc i originally got it for 40% off lol.....#just looking at it again bc every few days im like maybe i should preorder it... and then i see the price tag and 😐#to be fair i wouldnt put it past them to have 100 extra hours of gameplay bc elden ring is a fucking insane length already#but i dont know if i would even want to play 100 extra hours thats so much girl i work full time u cant do this to me 😭#ok im sure it wont be that long. but probably a good 30 hours i imagine based on how theyve priced dlc for other games#maybe 40 for me bc i like to explore things thoroughly....#i dont think their pricing is usually that unfair tbh. like yeah 50 quid is wayy more than i would pay for most games but im prolly gonna-#end up with a solid 200 hours by the time ive done absolutely everything so it is worth all that. and its so incredibly gorgeous#ive had days playing it where ive almost felt like its real like the sheer level of detail.... damn!!#i like the sound of the sote levelling system tho + some of the bosses look cool..... but im NOT playing it for a few months at least#im gonna need a longass tolerance break once ive 100%ed the base game. gives them time to roll out bugfixes for sote anyway#and idc abt seeing spoilers n stuff bc i waited 2 years to play elden ring + completed it + now have 140 hours and frankly-#i still dont know shit about the plot. sorry thal wasnt paying attention she got too carried away by her bloodlust#god forbid women do anything......#anyyywayyyy. im gonna play a little and then head off to bed. hope i can sleep better tn but we'll see w these meds innit#.diaries
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#going wacko insane for the same guy again yep !!!!!!!!!@@@@#we both could have seen each other this weekend but JJDJDJZKZKZ DRAMAA#not with us but the other ppl JDJDJDJJD#i was so over it so i decided not to go. so i told him i wasnt n he said he wasnt either#in my delulu world i think he didnt go bc i didnt go HDJJDJDJZJZJ#bc he was online the whole weekend. plus i asked him if he wanted to just hang out with me n our other friend this week or next and he said#yes so HDJJDJDJDNDNSNS#god im just. i think i should just ask him out already#but our friend also hasnt answered me so im like...... hope everythings okay HNDJXNXNXNX#god inagine she cant make it or doesnt answer and i have to meet him one on one... o DJJDJDKDKDJDJJ#im trying not to be upset that shes not answering tho. its really not like her... its the long weekend so maybe shes doing something idk ..#ik shes also down about not having had a job offer yet#n me n the guy have jobs so... idk !!!#i was literally just in that headspace so i understand if shes reluctant to go out#it feels Awful when ur putting out a bunch of resumes and hearing nothing....#but yeah... idk whats gonna happen#but i dont wanna leave him hanging for too long so if she doesnt message me back by wednesday im gonna text her#she might just not be checking dc.... hhh idk JDJJDJDJXJZ#hitting that like 6 month mark since graduating and ya..... relationships are starting to dwindle tbh so i wouldnt be surprised#i was surprised she even wanted to keep in touch with me LOL but yeah#its crazy to me that out of everyone .. im closest to the guy. and like ik i always say that but it#doesnt become less surreal like. ever lol. like he answers me faster than my bffs... LOL what in the world#personal#wait omg im not done JDJJDJDJD when the drama was happening with the other ppl. i just wanted to talk to Him but i didnt have the energy#n when i finally did.. oh i felt so much better. love that we're always on the same page like.... what the fuck JDJDJDJXJX#idk i just think hes so sweet n cute n kind..... also prickly but i like that HDHJDJDJX#he always just says what he means. like hes v straightforward. and i really like that. bc im also that way and also bc im bad sometimes at#social stuff JDJJSJDJZJZJ
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#must not text him texting him is the growth killer#must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend#im not letting me do that to us#but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about??#the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant)#but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling#this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me#idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be#but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent#and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change#the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here#fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day#and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why#why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop#thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back#hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp#and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok#and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real#and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in#and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems#personal#i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head.#i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad#idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things#i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once#i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows
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Idea for star trek character:
Star Fleet cadet gets sucked into a time anomaly, and keeps being spat out at random times and locations. Has zero control over where and when they end up or how long they'll be there.
Has a whole existential crisis, but then learns to just roll with it. Constantly references events that happened thousands of years ago or far in the future.
Very much a sad clown type of thing. They've mostly embraced the absurdism of the situation, but occasionally lets slip just how hopeless and resigned they are to their situation. They can't age, or die, or truly connect with any of the beings they meet.
Think like a powerless, secretly depressed Q.
#star trek#oc ideas#i mostly just spit this stuff out there in hopes someone more skilled than i will roll with it#also fuck i hope this wasnt already done in the series and i just haven't seen that episode yet#if it is already an episode#i eagerly await it
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