#hope this is okay! x.x

[shyolet]

uggghhh today was one of the extremely rare days where i'm not in too much pain to leave the house and can walk on my own, so I went to get the new covid vaccine but medicare's site was down so it would've been $200 because they couldn't use my insurance

[lgcxmax]

@lgcparker

it feels like it's been 84 years since he got to hang out with parker. to see him at the chuseok dinner the company hosted thus left max feeling beyond excited. there was just a short moment of hesitation- wondering if them debuting in different groups and barely seeing each other had changed anything but the smile that widens over his lips the moment their eyes met was inevitable.

their friendship was inevitable and max couldn't be happier about it. so with great enthusiasm he rushes over to give parker the hug of a lifetime, not quite caring if he ends up squeezing a little too hard maybe, only his happy laughter registering to him to finally be reunited with the male again. "holy shit it's good to see you man."

[primalvessel]

can i get a maru kissing lovek's tears away sweetly (lovek involuntarily tears up after an orgasm, especially after multiple rounds of orgasms) while lovek chuffs and curls up around maru

They'd been going for a while, goading each other into thrusting deeper, riding harder, lasting longer.

Bodies joined, sweat mingled, warm breath washed over flushed and heated skin and it sounded as though Lovek was losing his mind as he came again, shaking and trembling through yet another orgasm.

Maru fucked him through it, through the oversensitivity that left him making noises the Miqo'te had never heard him make before and the feline's voice rose too as he joined his lover in his release. Hips twitched with each pulse and he finally tore his gaze away from where they were joined.

At first he thought the glistening wetness to the Viera's cheeks was sweat, sheened over pale skin but no... Those were the salty tracks of tears.

He gave in to the sudden urge to lean in and his tongue flicked out, a quick lap against a pinked cheek before he closed to press a light kiss to the track left behind. Then another. And another. Gentle kisses followed first one path and then the other, kissing the tears away and punctuated on each side by the barest press of lips to Lovek's eyelids.

His tenderness was rewarded by the sound of the Viera's chuffing and Lovek shifted, gathering him up and curling around him as if he was something precious to be held close. Almost immediately Maru's rumbling purr started up and they basked together in the soft sound of it, spent, content.

[cwarscars]

Collar, Hair, & Press [Post-Meteorfall; Jae's leg/shoe.]

kinky/rough smut prompts

CW: VERY NSFW! contains potentially uncomfortable kinks like bondage, cum play, knife play, sensation play, etc. feel free to combine prompts & change pronouns/descriptors as needed. put under a read more for viewing safety, & it’s also rather lengthy as well. written from the perspective of the sender — ‘my muse’ = sender, ‘your muse’ = receiver. !!! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!!

[ collar ] — my muse puts a collar and a leash on your muse

[ hair ] — my muse pulls your muse’s hair

[ press ] — your muse fucks against a part of my muse’s body (specify)

@gcldfanged

working alongside jae had been the break needed - a loyal hound once masterless, now entirely a slave. willing, of course. no man licked a boot clean like heidegger. to the former turk turned crime boss, he'd found himself at the side as an enforcer. a brutality whispered about among those amidst the slums, rumours of old crimes ( and new ). tales of the relationship shared between himself and the other. nudges and winks that there had always been something else there -

oh, if only they could see him now.

a collar around his neck ( a label that reads 'stamp' ) a cruel mockery of old propaganda, a spiteful nudge that the former-general's past shall never be forgotten. a leash attached to the binding around his neck, the chain tugged by his master. the sensation of the pull, a mechanism that tightens the choker. a squeeze that has him lose a breath but makes him know to move forward. a crawl on all fours, body bare aside from the restraint, a leather jockstrap and needles through his nipples. chest sore and blood, a light trickle. an earlier punishment for a step out of line. a pain that heidegger welcomes, that his cock hasn't stopped twitching over since.

a demand is met with a subtle and slow 'yes, master-', his crawl taking him toward the other's legs, his head pressed against a thigh - lips welcoming the texture of leather. jae's hand holding him close; fingers through hair, a touch that lightly tugs - teases his scalp with the slightest force. a tongue that slips free of restraint, something akin to a kiss pressed along the leg of the other man. worship in the form of touch, hips softly writhing as hands part from the floor to admire jae's form. fingers that edge up legs and toward his waist, the former-general moving himself alongside his owner. his height growing as he shifts himself to stand, and though the other is the shorter of the two - heidegger would have himself hunched to appear smaller. the leash on his neck still a gentle tug, a pull that has him entirely controlled.

a hand remains entwined amidst strands of hair, a press of the enforcer's lips to jae's body - a chest admired, flecks of a kiss trailed along a collar bone - a gentle caress for a man so beastlike. with control given entirely unto jae, heidegger is led into a seat - body straddled by his employer. a demand in the eyes of his master and with that, he grinds his hips; thrusts the growing bulge between his legs. savours a breath when his leash is jerked and his hair strained.

hands instinctively wrap around the muscle of jae's thighs - heidegger's indiscretion met with a sharper tug of the leash, the collar fastening to have him choke. lips pale as breaths become harsh, as ( in accordance with his master's unspoken wish ) he quickens the writhe of his hips.

his cock begs for release, begs for the other to slip him free of his jockstrap and allow him the privilege of sex but alas -

he's nought more than a slave ; a loyal dog only sat to serve ( to pleasure ) the one he so desperately grinds against.

the swell between his legs sees every thrust encourage the softest of moans; his voice a deep growl, chest large with every breath - the hair atop it spread with jae's free hand, the crimson curse dripped from pierced nipples - teased. the other still intent on twisting the tightness around heidegger's throat. his blood can only go south - his thighs becoming so hot and his cock so hard that he'd be close to cumming should his boss allow such relief.

'j-jae-" he begs, a name one he ought not to speak. another punish with a hand that tugs harshly on his head; scalp aching with the malice that comes with a chastening. "i-" he wants to say it, wants to unleash it -

would beg to cum did he know the other would allow it. alas, he gives into a more primal temptation - continues the motion of his hips until he can feel the pool in his stomach grow large. the tremble of thighs and the twinge of nerve - throat so tight he can barely breathe, head dizzy and vision blurred - a dew that slips his lips and dampens his beard. cock not far behind, jockstrap moist with the nearing of an orgasm. begging on his lips spoken not with words but rather breaths, tried. a clench of teeth and flex of his neck when hips writhe a final few times; an explosion between his legs that sees his jockstrap soaked and hot dew between his thighs. the hair on his inner thighs stained with the white of unbridled heat; a choked breath that sees him almost lose conciousness. orgasm so intense, his cheeks are red and his muscles bulging - veins in his arms, his chest, his legs - hands that unconsciously hold jae hard enough to have him still. forced to stay atop a man now wet with lust.

oh, if only those people could see him now.

[ceceliastark]

The Parade had always been quite the spectacle at the start of The Games seasons. Cecelia knew the Tributes from Eight were dressed in yet another ridiculous get up, but what else were they going to wear out there at this point? She hoped the focus would be on the different fabrics and colors of the outfits before the horrid style of them. That, and Satina and Taylor both had unique personalities, she knew they would shine through past these outfits.

She was on her way to the stands to watch the Parade from the crowd. She would head back down toward the loading docks once the chariots started to make their way back down the lane. She knew most of the seats would be picked over by the time she got up there, but there was one spot next to a woman in the crowd. "Is this spot taken?" she asked her, pointing toward the empty seat.

@metamcrphcses

[nqmonarch]

happy valentine's day!! <3 honestly anything for aventurine is fine, probably like what are your thoughts about him?

Happy very belated Valentine's day! I hope yours was wonderful anon!

Anyway I think my thoughts about Aventurine are uh... definitely out there. Normally when I write stuff I like to read the character's little lore things and read over character's quotes to make sure I'm depicting them well but Aventurine doesn't have much of that and my overall thoughts on him are straight up just my thoughts which are...

Aw he's baby :). I can't take him seriously x.x like I feel like under that haha let's gamble it all away front he is both terrifying but also so weak and vulnerable. Like I want to hold him in my arms and tell him he has meaning but at the same time I think he may be some kind of masochist (hot), I don't know he just gives off those vibes he's like "use me, as long as it's fun." Like okay man.

Aventurine is both the most and least predictable person you've ever met. His existence itself is like a gamble you can never tell what will come next, will it be the cocky and confident Aventurine edging you on to take his carefully laid out bait? Or would it be the pathetic Aventurine hiding beneath the surface of all his actions who's begging to be comforted?

He acts so nonchalant for someone that cares so much. It was the only reason you still tolerated him. You also cared about Aventurine but he didn't need to know that. He also didn't need to know about the lengths you went to in order to keep him out of trouble.

The two of you getting together was a miracle in itself. Because Aventurine would've never asked you out seriously. He would've teased you about it, and about your lack of a partner. Maybe he would've made a bet or two to make you hang out with him on a date. But he was too scared of commitment to give it a label.

Of course he would be scared of commitment when everything he's ever had, he's lost and everything he's gained isn't his own. How else would he be able to gamble everything he knows to be true so easily? It pissed you off to an extent, and made you hesitant to commit. What if that fucker used you in a bet? He probably wouldn't but everything with Aventurine was a gamble.

So one day after the idiot had almost gotten himself in trouble, only to be saved by his luck, you had angrily grabbed him by his neck and pressed him against the wall.

You were fine with him betting nearly everything from millions of credits to rare items. He wasn't allowed to bet his life though. Not when you were around. Because his life was yours. You wouldn't let Aventurine die.

Through an unorganized and incoherent train of thoughts you tried to express yourself to Aventurine and at first he teased you,

"You really care about me that much? You're a better friend than I thought you would be, how useful!"

But as those thoughts straightened out more into a heartfelt confession he began to quiet and freeze. Maybe if this was a game to him he'd be able to maintain his light hearted facade but you hoped you meant more. You'd known him for a while after all, and better than anyone else.

Aventurine, struggling to articulate his thoughts, only nodded at the end. Then you kissed him. His lips were hesitant against yours but his hands gripped onto your arms tightly, refusing to let go. He didn't want to seem desperate, he didn't want to seem like he cared, but the silent plea of his arms wrapping around you spoke words.

For the most part he acted as a complement to your personality. When you didn't go after him, he went after you always in an attempt to sweep you off your feet unexpectedly. When you went after him, he'd lay still and let himself be attacked unable to defend himself as a blush rose up his neck to his ears and cheeks.

A serious relationship was something new for the both of you. And given how Aventurine acted, and how you struggled to explain your emotions, the two of you ran into communication issues often.

But despite it all the two of you made it through. After all how can one better express love than saving the other's life?

Aventurine had foolishly bet his life again, this time for some inconsequential thing. The two of you had been talking to a new "friend" of his, that ended up having ties with your past. As such they'd managed to come across some minor family heirloom of yours and for some reason trying to barter with it for information.

You could've cared less but Aventurine for some reason took the bait. Inviting this "friend" to a gamble, in which if he won then he would receive Aventurine's life and assets something you thought to be overly dramatic. If Aventurine won he'd receive the heirloom and the information you'd actually come here for, the information that would allow you to blackmail the government of this planet into giving into the IPC.

Aventurine managed to lose, but it's not like it mattered. Since your bullet was through his "friend's" head in the next second. As he died you registered a small clicking sound and shielded yourself and Aventurine as the body exploded. Really? What a pain.

"The IPC will work even harder to get you killed if they know about this," You couldn't help but mutter, a frown on your face, "Is there anyone left we can contact for this?" Aventurine still had more contacts than you unsurprisingly.

Failure was always met with death for people like him.

"You want to talk to more people than me?" He spoke with mock offense and before you could retort he held out some papers, "He was useful until the very end." He joked and you frowned.

Your voice was beginning to raise in anger, "Did you have to go ahead and bet your life?"

He took a step closer, the documents disappearing, "You made the opening for me. Come on, don't be mad," His voice was coy as he grabbed your hand in his.

You didn't like it when he bet his life. If he was going to take such poor care of himself then his life would be safer in your hands. Aventurine had already begun to lead the way to your next destination and your eyes rested on him, analyzing every detail. They continued without pause until they found his neck, you wanted to cover that barcode on his neck up with bites.

When you got back to the hotel room you were staying at you found the heirloom resting on the bed, and you let out an aggravated sigh. "That bastard... I told him I didn't care about it." And you didn't but you opened up the music box nonetheless and a tune began to play out.

A few moments after it began you felt arms wrap around you and hot breath on your neck. You closed your eyes and leaned into Aventurine, "Your life will always be the most important thing to me," You spoke softly.

He stiffened and then relaxed, "That's a terrible decision."

He was annoying. Hard to communicate with. He was also always a gamble, you could never predict him. But he kept life interesting, he was interesting, and amusing. You didn't want such an adorable person to die.

Maybe one day the two of you would be able to have a completely serious conversation but that'd be a while, and for now you were content with the man that loves you who you love back.

Aventurine trying to avoid affection like an insect avoiding rain drops but you're a motherfucking tsunami.

I CANT BELIEVE I FINISHED THIS IT WAS SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG

I started it like a week after I got it and then had writers block on what to do but anyway yeah this is my take on ya boy Aventurine. He's kinda pathetic but I'm into that.

[mechstims]

Okay hi this is weirdly specific and super niche but could we see an idw hook x pharma board.... pretty please and thank you

IDW Pharma x Hook

i have no idea if this board makes sense at all X.X i hope its coherent and in character LOL

X X X | X X X | X X X

[thatwordybirb]

4, 8, 10, 16, 20, and 23 for the ask game :D ‼️‼️💥💥💥

Thank you kindly! Heck, hope the one I sent you made it through. >< Alright, let's see:

4. say something nice about a ship you don't ship (it can be another ship in your fandom, a mutual's OTP, etc)

Um... hm, off to a rough start there! I'm not super aware of ships I don't sail, to be honest! I guess... after wracking my brain for five minutes, I really cannot see Hawks and Endeavor from My Hero Academia together, but I will say this: there is one dedicated animatic artist on Youtube that makes it enjoyable to watch.

8. you hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

My immediate first thought was, erm, Nezunori - as in, Nezu and Toshinori, also from My Hero Academia. >///> I think I am literally one of only two people on the internet that has even thought of that ship. In the middle of writing a novel-length fic where that is one of the (many) focal relationships, and I'm really hoping people like it once I start posting chapters, even if they don't start sailing the ship themselves. Got the first 6 chapters done!

10. a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

Well... yours, honestly! Your alt is the first fandom blog I came across after my many years of not engaging with fandom at all since... well, my experience with the latter-day MLP fandom soured. Your art responses to my silly and stupid little prompts meant a lot to me, and helped make this rediscovery of a forgotten side of myself a lot more fun.

16. a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

Oof, also a tough one. I would have to say "everything about Tom Nook." There are Redd's overtly, ~flamingly~ homosexual passwords in Wild World, of course, that hint at their relationship (another novel-length fic I'm writing, have the first 13 chapters done). A lot of folks know about that, though. What I have in mind specifically is that I don't think anyone caught onto the fact that Tom Nook gives the player advice to never, ever, loan money to a friend... and the secondary fact that his only confirmed ex-friend is Sable, whose parents died when she was young and left her destitute and struggling for a lot of her life. Which paints a very tragic picture of poverty and money destroying Tom's relationship with his childhood best friend.

20. your very first fandom!

I think it was either Halo or Pokemon? They were around the same time in my life, but I thiiink it was Pokemon. Read so much fic and even joined the FFN forums for it!

23. the fandom you're curious about because of a mutual

Rainworld! @trashmammal69, that's thanks to you~! Apologies if it wasn't okay to @ you! Still need to actually set aside time to play it, though. My life keeps being on fire. x.x

Thanks again for sending this, and if my ask I sent you never made it through, let me know!

[caspersickfanfics]

Heya <3 it's Aery. I hope everything's going okay! (both with the previously mentioned cat stuff and the Life Stuff). Things get busy so don't worry and take your time!

I've been thinking a lot about Cyno coping with a sick Tighnari (totally not for fic purposes nope [/joking]) especially centered on Tighnari trying really hard not to let him be told? Because like! The distance means Nari can get away with A Lot. So Cyno finds out Nari's been ill, but like because a third party sent him a message.

I can't get out of my head the slight "I always call for you why wouldn't you tell me you needed me here" that has tucked into my brain and I don't know if it fits Cynos personality??? I don't think he'd say it but I've been chewing on it a lot idk. All that to say - I'm Extremely curious for your take on such a thing if you feel up to giving it! Cyno finding out, second hand at best that Nari's been sick for days. (also aha I figured out how to trick it into letting me send long anons x.x maybe???)

Aery!! Thank you!! Things are still chaotic but we're getting there haha, I appreciate you and your patience <333

This is so interesting to me because yes!! I love this vibe and I think there's a place for it in a CynoNari fic but I also agree that Cyno wouldn't say it out loud??!? So I've been mulling it over and I wonder if Cyno would go more of the internalizing route. Instead of "why didn't you tell me?" it might be more "what did I do wrong so that Nari didn't trust me with this?"

Because yeah, Cyno goes to Nari to recharge and feel better and get taken care of, so I think he is gonna worry when Nari doesn't do the same with him. I imagine that his first reaction is panic - Is Tighnari okay? I need to be with him, right now. How can I fix him? And then there's some hurt - Why didn't he tell me? And then some internalized guilt - Have I done anything to break his trust? Or even: Are we not as close as I thought we were? Doubts and second-guessing.

Damn, I'm picturing Cyno being there caring for Tighnari and thinking he's selfish for it. Thinking that once Tighnari's more lucid, he won't want Cyno there. And then when Nari is more lucid, Cyno apologizing and moving to leave before Tighnari even says anything. Nari's confused, and like "Wait– Cyno. Why are you apologizing?" And then they chat and it comes out that Tighnari really didn't think he was in such bad shape, and he didn't want to bother/worry Cyno, but like - he's so glad that Cyno's here. He never feels safe like he does when Cyno's around. He's sorry for not being more open and honest with him from the start etc etc.

Agh I love this!! I'm sorry I derailed it a bit XD Feel free to disagree, too!!! I'm curious if you'd take it a different direction!

[cosmic-ships]

Waiting for my hair~ I'm so nervous but excited at the same time.. I hope it looks okay x.x I'm always self-concious when I decide to change hair colours OTL

I've gotten mixed signals too. Some people tell me I look really bad with dark hair and other people say it looks good but I dunno if they're just saying that so I do be sad lol

[requiemofrebellion]

i am struggling to get the writing bug to not run away from me.

i know it's holiday season so activity for everyone has slowed down a lot, yet i still feel bad for not doing a whole lot here. i meet with my psychiatrist next week, on the 19th. i'm hoping then he can actually give me adhd medication since i'm on the bipolar medication and my blood pressure has gone down, which were the big things he said i needed to do or handle before he would put me on adhd medication.

i am just having a hard time focusing even though i wanna write and i got ideas for somethings, but brain isn't working with me. i've also haven't started a lot of animes i made a list for - like i got all these lists i need to do or want to do and i can't focus long enough to do anything on them. so it's a bit... big sigh feels.

so just for this week i will make no promises that i will be around, as i think when i wanna make promises - it stresses out my brain. x.x so i am just gonna take this week and next week slow, if i get stuff done- super awesome! if not, just gotta tell myself that, that's okay.

i hope everyone has been having a good December tho! and wishing all you beans all the good energies!!!

[missfinefeather]

I'm starting late because I got last minute dog watch x.x;

Let's just make a dent at least. I mean, I still have bonus comics to do as well.

Okay, Jailbreak. The grossest Andrew Hussie work.

Let's hope for less piss, poop, and vomit this time.

Then again, it was pretty time when they did this joke with um, whatshis face... Earth B's Jack

[not-poignant]

Hi, Pia! I am thinking of going the same route as you - free chapters on AO3, then Patreon - for my historical m/m romance projects. Could you share a little about your journey, and how did you manage to gain visibility within the originals section of AO3 (I know it's not easy)?

Hi hi!

We've talked a little over at Subscriptions for Authors I think! *waves* :D

Okay firstly, i don't know if any of this is going to be very helpful, because to tl;dr it - I didn't set out to be a professional author when I started this, and I wasn't even trying to be a professional when I started my Patreon (though I did approach it seriously, like I wanted to treat my readers well). I didn't believe I could be one, my impostor syndrome was so epic I literally started an entirely new AO3 account and kept it secret from my main account because I believed all the people being nice to me about my writing were somehow just lying to me because they felt sorry for me.

That's...

That's a whole lot of impostor syndrome insanity. But I've always been pretty honest about having mental illness so....

Re: my journey...

I started out in fanfiction. I started writing Rise of the Guardians fanfiction (a two part serial called From the Darkness We Rise & Into Shadows We Fall) and it went viral (I did not expect this) and I put in several original characters to flesh out the world, because I added a Seelie/Unseelie Court element that wasn't in the original movie or the books.

Two of those original characters had roles as semi-significant ensemble characters. One was a terrible villain who is defeated by the other, who is the Seelie King (also defeated by the main characters of the fic but *coughs* anyway).

I started getting people asking me what was going to happen to those two characters, especially once people found out they had a relationship history together prior to the events in the fanfic. I mostly put those people off - I fully intended to keep just writing fanfiction - until finally I decided to write some fic of those two characters. It was like...revenge hatefucking, lmao. I wrote three chapters of that, and then more, and then finally realised I couldn't give them the tragic ending I'd planned to, and that I'd have to actually figure out how the hell to save them from their own machinated doom.

And that became the first book in my original Fae Tales series - Game Theory.

It was my amazing readers who asked me to make this Tumblr, my amazing readers who asked me to write that original story, and they were the ones who asked me to make a Patreon (and then a Ko-Fi), and so in a way, they were the ones who let me know when I was ready to try making this work in a (slightly) more official capacity. They were the ones who believed in me enough to keep me doing this, and they still are. *waves to you all*

They were the ones who gave me visibility, I don't know that I did anything specific to make that happen, except writing the stories, turning up, and listening to them.

It's a very weird way of doing it and I don't know that anyone else has ever done it quite that way like this. I feel like a massive outlier in that sense. I don't relate to anyone who is starting out in professional subscription with no readers because I could never do that, my lack of confidence wouldn't let me. But there's aspects I think any author can replicate: I reply to all my commenters (except the trolls), because they're great and I want to support connection, community, and conversation. I embrace fandom and love all transformative works, and also, like 99% of my writing is free on AO3. (You don't have to make everything free, but it certainly doesn't hurt on AO3).

I mostly finish my serials and folks can trust my happy/hopeful endings and they can trust my hurt/comfort. And I'm pretty communicative! As you can tell by how much I'm rambling right now x.x I intentionally provide a safe space for queer people and neurodivergent people as much as possible, and write a lot of representation for us. I set out to make a space I would personally feel comfortable in. That might not work for everyone, but it works for those who stay.

From there though, I'd say a lot of visibility came from word of mouth, writing chapter by chapter over time (serials naturally pick up readers simply because they're often at or near the top of a tag or fandom category on AO3 - there is NO algorithm there), sometimes sorting by kudos, and me just posting about random stuff on Tumblr with good tags.

I still write fanfiction on another account (my impostor syndrome account) that has also had some people trying my original fiction. There's quite a few people who came directly from fanfiction to the original fiction because the themes were the same!

I didn't have the confidence to intentionally try and be a professional writer. When I started writing that fanfic I was writing it because I was depressed, sad, and I'd quit an unsatisfying job as a professional artist (I loved the art and my clients, I could never make the income part work). I didn't want to be a professional writer. I was writing as hooky, as escape from my real life, and as 'oh god I just need some hurt/comfort and I can't find what I want so I'll write it.'

To this day, I still write fanfiction as an escape, it's partly why it's now on a separate account to my original stuff (but even plenty of my original fic is indulgent and self-escapist in nature, which is maybe why other people find it escapist and cathartic as well).

In writing, financially, it makes more sense to publish books, or do serials-into-books, and develop a backlist of novels alongside the serials. I don't do that. I should, I plan on starting soon. I can point out a lot of the things that I either did wrong, or that I can see a way of doing better, because I didn't set out to be a professional writer, and I still put 'keeping it fun' and 'the readers' ahead of 'making money.' I'm not very mercenary and I make financially not great decisions in favour of 'but I enjoy it more this way.'

(That's partly because I am really very ill, and I can't afford to make myself sick through my work, and not enjoying it is the fastest way to do that).

What I do know is how to help create a community, though. And how to encourage and try and care for that community of people. How to respond to what they want and sometimes don't want, alongside what I want and don't want. How to have boundaries in that space. Well, I'm still figuring it out but I think I'm more comfortable with it than I used to be!

I also don't want to make it sound like I didn't know about writing before this. Long before doing serials for 10 years, I did creative writing and scriptwriting (among other things) at university. I wrote very technically correct short stories with sad little tragic endings that won awards and sometimes decent cash prizes. I hated it, and it put me off writing for years afterwards. I felt trapped in trying to write the 'correct' way. I am entirely unsurprised that to this day I reject standard formulas for novel lengths, and that in order to write, I kind of have to break a lot of the rules I was taught.

But I was taught how to write 'correctly' by Australian standards back in the early 00s (very spare, evocative prose). These days I follow a lot of scriptwriting / television drama beats in serials and have always really enjoyed doing it that way. :D

I'm meant to be talking about some of this in the Subscriptions for Authors podcast tomorrow and it's going to be a mess, as you can tell, lmao.

(There's something to be said about the lightning-in-a-bottle moment where I just wrote a fanfic I thought everyone would hate in a popular fandom and people were just ready for that story and it took off. I had no idea how to deal with it and it was very overwhelming and I had a bit of a breakdown a year and a half later over it. It's no coincidence that a year into the Patreon I paused it for 1.5 years and walked away because I couldn't handle it. But then I did some growing up and came back and figured it out.

But yeah I didn't do any of this the right way, or in a super intentional way. The only part I know I did well was supporting a community, and communicating with the people who turned up. And I did that for very selfish reasons - I wanted to be in a community, and I enjoyed meeting people who had things in common with me. I sometimes feel a little like a gremlin who just stumbled into a community and was like 'oh, um, I'm here, I guess.'

It's really everyone else who made it magical, but it did help that I think I am (in retrospect) pretty good at writing a hooky, addictive serial for the right kinds of readers. I cannot understate this enough -> learning how to write serials and exploring episodic television drama can be very helpful).

[abandonedsdjfhcvndfbv]

hello kris How r you…i miss you imsorry for not speaking in a while x.x i hope u have been doing okay :3

Hello my friend syd my frieeend lock !!!!!! I hope youve been well too!!! I've been doing so nice well it is all hectic and tiring but its going :DDD Super tired rn about to fall over but still doing transactions #Adult #Major & Don't worry about it i've been missing u tho thinking i should mesagae u soon i keep getting too busy to thnk to follow up on it cus man i really am exhausted so im glad u sent me this ask :) How about you hru :3

[candiid-caniine]

Awww what a cute and useful edged out puppy 😌 you’ve got me in a bathroom stall pinching my nipples cause I couldn’t take it anymore reading about you suffering but I have like 40 minutes before I can leave the office how dare you get me this wet 🥺 Run along and give us another 3 edges please? My cunt needs it so bad so you gotta do it for me okay?

I'm so sorry for making u wet and being a distraction to your day 😢 I hope I can make it up to u by being pathetic enough to make u cum 💕

I did my 3 edges for u, I am still shaking n tingling from the last 1. my clit is still sore n raw from last night so every touch is a reminder of how depraved I was yesterday x.x

[light-lanterne]

so, fun fact: exactly one year ago i started writing "the darkest eyes". i wrote most of the first chapter in one sitting (ending up around this time), then finished the rest of it throughout the week and, as you know, posted it on the 29th. as excited as i am working on other stories and concepts, this one is still my favourite and i fully intend to finish it (as soon as i can bring myself to do it).

now, not so fun fact: exactly one year ago, at this very time (at the moment i'm posting this), my dad left our apartment to go to work and then never came back. as far as i know, he died soon-ish and i can only hope it was as painless as possible.

,,,so yeah, if you ever wonder why it's been taking me so long to get chapter 7 out and all that, it's because once reality sunk in and it became clear that i'm not ever going to see my dad again, i could only associate the story to my dad's disappearance and it became increasingly harder to work on a fic that's all about hopper being a paternal figure to mike.

so there's that.

please, don't get me wrong, though. i don't feel sad or upset whenever i open up my file. i don't even feel particularly upset right now, as i'm writing this.

for what it's worth, i'm okay-ish.

i just,,, can't focus on anything as i write. dissociation aside, all i can think about in moments like these are old memories with my dad that i'd rather not discuss lest i start crying. or the fact that i barely have photos of the man (let alone recordings,,, i'm already forgetting his voice). or the obvious fact that i wish he'd been here to eat some of the chocolate cake i made a year ago for when he came back, just like the one i made earlier because i got bored and i wanted something sweet.

(funnily enough, my cakes keep splitting in two when i remove them from the pan. that hasn't changed in a year >.< )

but yeah. it's a struggle to write that one story and i can only hope it gets easier before we hit the end of the year because i do not want this story to haunt me for years to come x.x

ultimately, i'll be okei. i'll get the story done at some point, and then i'll finish the rest of my other wips and my graphics and get rid of this byler brainrot i've been stuck in for the past year, and hopefully you guys will continue to enjoy whatever i put out whenever i do it.

just maybe not today.

today i eat chocolate cake and watch silly stuff and maybe do a couple graphics if i get the energy for it, okei ?

hope that's okay with you guys.

now for something fun,,, below the cut you will find the last photo i have of me and my dad alone. neither of us has ever been fond of self-portraiture so uh,,,

yeah. derpy baby face it is.

anyway, thanks to everyone who's been keeping me company today and throughout the year. it's really helped :]